#IF YOU GET IT YOU GET IT IG it's like. it feels safer to keep it quiet. or... like it's too sensitive to share right away

[byanyan]

been thinking about this for a bit, but byan? doesn't tell any of the (small handful of) people they're close to about the development of their relationship with sol for a while. there's no "i have a boyfriend" announcement, not even a hint that anything's changed. instead they're out here acting like things are the same as always, even though they're suddenly climbing in through that window or coming around to harass you a little less often. part of it is that they don't... really know how to address it? but mostly they don't want to deal with, like. all the emotion of it. they're still in a place where they like to act as though they're above emotion, and it feels like a weak point to admit that they've developed romantic feelings for someone. plus, they've never really known how to deal with someone being happy for them? and then there's also the fact that they know there'll be questions, which they don't know how or don't want to have to answer...

meanwhile they're out here acting pretty sus when it's mentioned that they've seemed busy or distracted lately. like they'll literally try to just shrug it off without explaining what they've been up to or why they've been showing up less. the very most you'll get out of them for the first month or so is that they've been "hanging out with a friend," but even that takes a lot of pressing.

[koithelittle]

cg!cc!wilbur moodboard + headcanons!!

note; so like half of these? were from a hc post that was unformatted and turns out i messed up the request but i am- i can’t fix it without feeling absolutely horrible so. i turned them into this and just added like way more! i have plans for a couple new fics plus absolutely endless moodboards so be looking out for that! this moodboard was my first and has been collecting dust in my drafts for months. love it tho! otay das aww.

paci creds; littlemothshop on ig!

navigation

other moodboards

taglist; @jjtheresidentbaby @lillylvjy @wilmaslittleflower @whos-nicooo (ask or do to be added!)

- he makes sure your regression is completely private, only the band knows and whoever of your friends knows.

- barely anyone even knows you're dating him, let alone that he's your cg when you're little. it's all very private!

- he has pacis, sippys, and toys all scattered around the house. although there's a special spot for it all, it's just sort of floats around !

- he's big on cuddling you when you're little, especially if you're having a hard time ! he'll hold you, calling you soft names to help you slip into or stay in little space.

- doesn't really mind any name but prefers daddy/dada!

- he likes to set up corners around his house that are safe spaces. pillows and blankets and one of your many favorite stuffies. he also likes to put a basket that has some coloring stuff n toys!

- when he's streaming and you're regressed, he'll usually set you up under his desk, blankets and a stuffie, paci and the switch with your headphones. he'll ruffle your hair and rub your back while he streams, making sure to keep an eye on you while he's talking.

- he's got pretty set boundaries with you. bedtime at a certain time, with quiet time before. baths are always fun! and they're always after playtime so you're a bit calmer !

- loves getting you custom pacis from shops, managed to get a lovejoy themed one and couldn't stop smiling at how happy you were.

- speaking of Lovejoy! he'll take you to band practice alot, little or big! the guys love to help care for you. hold you and play with you! Joe is your favorite, since he likes to let you sit in his lap and play with his beard.

- wil really likes to color with you, but he's also always up to play pretend too!

- keeps close tabs on you and knows your habits pretty well, so he catches when you slip way before you do!

- loves cooking for you all of the time, he knows your safe foods like the palm of his hand so he'll give you a few options to pick from at each meal

- holds you when you sleep, and rubs your back

- favorite names to call you are bunny, baby, and little one!

- his kitchen is packed full of all of your safe foods and favorite utensils and plates! it’s mostly in your favorite color, but he knows it helps you eat and enjoy eating so he doesn’t mind

- he has a little note on his phone that lists your favorite things, big and little. movies, shows, snacks, foods, sweaters of his— etc. he wants to remember everything he can!

- he’s very patient and soft with you, careful with his words and tone.

- he likes it when you lay across him, your head on his shoulder or his lap so he can rub your cheeks and hair. just loves giving you mindless affection!

- favorite part of the day for him is when he’s getting you to sleep. sometimes it’ll be through a vod he puts on, a cartoon or he’ll just sing to you.

- loves sitting behind you with you in his lap as you play. he likes to join in too, of course but sometimes he just likes to watch.

- he likes to color with you and help you find all the colors you need, handing them off to you whenever you ask

- piggy back rides!! although his favorite method of travel for you is holding you on his hip or carrying you when you face him. he just feels safer doing that, like he can keep closer tabs on you.

- whenever you pout or you’re sad, he’ll get you to laugh and giggle by making silly faces or noises but especially likes tickling you!

- reads you a story at every nap and bed time. sometimes he’ll make them up but he really likes the books since he can show you pictures!

- he sits you on the counter or on a stool while he cooks so he can keep an eye on you but still have you involved without you getting hurt or feeling obligated to help. he can do it just fine on his own, but he doesn’t mind you being there!

- he’s more strict when it comes to routines above all else. he just wants to make sure you’re healthy and well cared for.

- he likes to have some age appropriate and easy workbooks on hand, just to give you a few pages to work on while he works. you feel involved and you like filling them out (and he likes checking them so he can put stickers on it and draw a smiley face for good work!)

- he’s a picnic guy, so he’ll gather up a lunch in a picnic basket, pack your little bag and take you out to the park or an empty field or even a pebble beach and just have a lil picnic with you. he’ll read a book or write some music while you color and draw or play with whatever you brought!

- he loves it when you kiss his cheek to make him smile. if he’s ever sad a lil kiss on his nose or cheek or chin will just make him absolutely beam! and then subsequently attack you in kisses and tickles.

- loves calling you baby, but baby bear has a nice ring to it to him.

- jokes he’s your papa bear

- adores when the guys come over to work on music but end up playing with you and indulging you in your pretend play! mark gets really invested when your toy of choice is blocks, he’ll try to build the highest tower but joe always knocks it over. cue a very long bicker match!

- ash likes to color and draw with you. he’ll teach you cool techniques and show you all the fun stuff he can draw!

- joe really likes to play with your calico critters with you, coming up with silly scenarios or putting silly outfits on them.

- wil likes to watch from the sidelines, just gushing at how cute it all is. he has good friends, but an even better love!

- sometimes when he’s bored or lonely (when he’s on tour mostly) he has a habit of doing a bit of online shopping and ordering whatever thing you last mentioned. sometimes a stuffy, sometimes a paci but more often than not, a new toy. he just loves you and the thought of getting to see your face when he finds something for you just makes it even better.

- just overall a very attentive and sweet cg!

[matan4il]

Idk if you know who Noah Schnapp is but I feel so sad for him. He seems like a sweet kid and The internet has been sending him death threats and trying to get him fired because he’s pro Israel/anti Hamas. Noah is gay and Jewish the two groups Hamas hates the most of course he’s not gonna support them

Hi Nonnie!

I do know who Noah is. I think he seems like a nice guy, I was really happy for him when he was able to come out as gay, and get such a positive reaction, first from his family, then from the public.

He visited Israel back in July, almost 3 months before Oct 7, and already he was getting attacked simply for that. I think it's SICK in the worst way possible, that Jewish people are getting harassed for even simply visiting their ancestral land, and it's the kind of racism we wouldn't see turned on ANY other marginalized group in the US. Kids of Mexican descent don't get attacked simply for visiting Mexico, African Americans don't get vilified for visting Africa, no matter what people think of these countries. It's anti-Jewish racism to do this to Jews, and it should be loudly called out and condemned. Noah was brave to post about this visit, he was brave to explicitly say he had never felt as alive as he did visiting his ancestral land, and getting to know fellow young Jews here, but he shouldn't have to be.

By now, however, as the attacks on him intensified since Hamas' massacre, and Noah's continued support for Israel, of native Jewish rights in our land, and calling out Hamas for being the vile organization they are (you're right, it is vile to Jews AND to gay people. In fact, it's an organization that should be vile to ANYONE who claims to care about human rights), he's deleted most of his posts from his visit here on his IG, only one remains, and he removed the caption for that one, which is that one that IIRC said he's never felt more alive. Now there's no caption, and it's still apparently taking a lot out of him to simply keep it up on his account.

He did try to backtrack, IDK to what a degree he might have been pressured to. He's certainly not the first Jewish celeb I've seen having to do that, and later admitting they were motivated by fear and harssment. The "kind" anti-Israel crowd is definitely implying Noah is only doing it due to Stranger Things' new season which is about to be released. I'm afraid whatever the reason, he's about to find out that if the antisemites can't tokenize you to use you against other Jews, then you're forever a "bad Jew," and nothing you say will ever change that. On the way, I guess he'll disappoint many Jewish followers, who looked up to him when he was one of the few celebs, even more so one of a handful of young celebs, to stand by Israel. The anti-Israel crowd claims to be persecuted, silenced and bullied, but as far as I can tell, especially with young people like him, they're the ones doing the persecuting, silencing and bullying. I'm really saddened that he felt he had to backtrack his support of Israel, to a great degree because it tells me just how severe the attack and pressure on him must be, and I just don't want any Jew to suffer.

But this actually brings me to another, maybe more important point: just because celebrities have a bigger stage than the rest of us, it doesn't mean they know more about politics than others. If Noah, as a Jew, could safely speak about his experiences as a young Jewish man, I think that would be fantastic, just like I think it's great whenever a queer celeb comes out of their own accord and shares some of their experiences. It's a really sad thing to realize that in 2024, it's safer to talk about being gay, and to speak up for gay rights, than to be Jewish and speak against antisemitism, or about Jewish experiences, or for Jewish rights. But beyond sharing personal experiences, celebrities don't understand a conflict as complex as the Israeli-Arab one, and with as much history as this one has, more than the average Tiktoker. Neither one is an authority, and neither one should be who people go to for their political views. The fact that people look at Tiktokers as any kind of authority, or have expectations from celebs regarding political views and bully them for the "wrong" ones (based on what Tiktokers said) is a part of what has gone horribly wrong with modern society.

The internet was supposed to help us fight misinformation through the availability of facts. Instead, we see repeatedly how what is true falls prey to what is viral.

Sending big hugs, and I hope you're doing good! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[ficsex]

i'm going to be totally upfront -and of course lmk if this is uncouth/too much, but- what is normal, non-actor/porno sex like?

not that you need to write a bunch on the minutia, but the vibe maybe? do people laugh, or get awkward, or like, mess up? in media they just turn up there, go for like 5mins and end the scene/cut to another scene..so, as dumb as it sounds, do you walk in there together, is it longer than that usually, and how do you leave the situation? when/do people actually use protection? i can't think of a sex scene in a movie that involved a guy putting on a condom tbh. so, stuff like that i guess? 🤷

silly maybe, but i'm sitting here realizing that i have no clue lmao. can you just say no if you don't like something? can you ask to take a break? maybe i'm just lowkey dumb, but a rundown of like, normal people sex would be cool, if you're comfortable to type it ig? <3

oooh, I love this question ( I love all questions, promise).

Here is a timeline of sex that might occur between people who are not in a porn or movie, all steps optional.

before sex:

making out on a bed, or on a couch/chair, leaned up against a wall, in the shower, whatever

asking "hey, do you want to take this to my bedroom?"

confirming "yes, but I only want to do [action]"

putting on music

locking the cat out of the bedroom

just rolling over in bed and starting to kiss or grope or touch

looking at your phone and going "oh hey, it's time for that sex we scheduled"

kissing or groping or biting with clothes on or off

removing clothes in a sexy way, or an awkward way, or a utilitarian way

forgetting to remove socks, or keeping them on because the room is cold

placing sex toys, condoms, lube, or any other sex aids by the bed

taking the duvet off the bed, or putting down a sex blanket

removing one garment and kissing more, and then removing another garment and kissing more...

saying "I want to keep my shirt on today" or "can you help me unclasp my bra" or "hold on, I have to put my earrings on the nightstand" or "oy, careful of my glasses!"

if it's a new partner, discussion of safer sex practices (do you want to use condoms? when was your last STI test? do you have other sexual partners?)

as sex gets started:

kissing/licking/biting/touching someone on any part of their body at all

exploring your partner's body to find out what feels good for them

starting to gently touch your partner's genitals

touching your own genitals while making eye contact, or kissing, or talking

massaging your partner

accidentally tickle your partner or get tickled, make a weird squawking noise in response

grabbing, squeezing, lifting, or moving your partner's body

opening a condom, glove, or dental dam and applying it to the relevant anatomy

pulling the plastic safety seal off a new bottle of lube

laying down a towel

grinding your genitals (clothed or naked) together, or against another part of your partner's body

almost falling off the bed, actually falling off the bed, or readjusting your position so you don't almost fall off the bed

licking or sucking fingers

during sex:

applying lube to genitals

performing oral sex

gliding the head of a bio- or inert-penis across lips, vulva, or anus (that can feel really excellent, whether you're intending to engage in penetration or not!)

fingering any orifice, or giving a hand job, or playing with labia, or grabbing an ass-cheek

try to insert a bio- or inert-penis into an orifice and slipping, or not being able to get it in, and needing to adjust the angle and try again, or push more firmly

often, someone with a vulva will use one hand to spread their own labia to make it easier for their partner to access their vagina

slowly sliding in to a mouth, vagina, or anus

shoving in quickly (with lube, one hopes, or plenty of spit or natural vaginal lubrication)

thrusting in one position for a while

switching positions, either because you want to try a new sexy sensation, or your knees hurt, or the current position is getting uncomfortable

more oral sex!

masturbating next to each other

taking a break for a little while, to catch your breath, or apply more lube, or kick the cat out of the bedroom, or because you remembered a funny meme you want to show your partner, or to take a step back to kissing, or because what you're doing doesn't feel good, or because you've having some feelings and you want to talk about them, or because you have to pee

using a dildo or vibrator

caressing, licking, or sucking testicles

adding more lube

going "fuck, I hate this song" and wiping off one hand to skip a track on your sex playlist

going "fuck, that feels really good, keep doing this"

going "hm, can you try going harder / changing the angle / turning up the vibe / using your fingers?"

riding your partner

fucking your partner into the mattress

touching lips or nipples or neck or ears while also fucking / sucking / licking

asking "do you want to keep going, or are you good?"

saying "hm, I want to stop now, this doesn't feel good anymore"

continuing

stopping

often, if one partner is penetrating their partner and one person comes, the penetrative sex might end, and the other person who didn't orgasm might say "I'm good" or "please go down on me" or "hold on, I'm going to grab my vibrator, will you kiss me / touch my nipples / NOT touch me / say sexy things while I get myself off?"

orgasming

not orgasming

after sex:

catching your breath

if someone with a bio-penis was wearing a condom, pulling out while they still have an erection, holding the base of their penis so the condom doesn't slip off

knotting the condom, then tossing it towards the trashcan and hoping it doesn't land on the floor

snuggling

not snuggling

laying next to each other laughing and grinning

grabbing a towel or discarded garment to wipe off your genitals, or to wipe off sweat and lube

getting up to pee (especially if you have a vulva) and then getting back into bed, or not getting back into bed

saying "wow, I loved when you did ______"

saying "can we try ____ next time, too?"

kissing

showering

brushing teeth

getting all the way dressed

just putting underwear back on

staying naked

changing the sheets, putting a towel on the wet spot, removing the sex towel, pulling back the duvet, or any other method of cleaning up

taking all of the discarded garments and putting them in the hamper

looking at your phone and going "oh shit, it's after ten, I have to get home now!"

letting the cat back in

going down to the kitchen for post-sex snacks

enduring the giggles of roommates

laying next to each other and sharing memes / scrolling tumblr

okay, that ended up being a lot of minutia, actually. so here are some vibes that sex might involve:

silly

feral

nervous but excited

lovey-dovey

aggressive

so-turned-on-you-can't-think-of-anything-else

a perfectly pleasant way to spend an afternoon, but you're thinking of other things

entirely focused on one partner, who gets to lay there and be pampered

shy and exploring

focused on the orgasm count

not even sure if you've orgasmed

angry sex

jealous "I'm going to make you orgasm better than anyone else can" sex

relaxed and chill / lazy

"I'm going to miss you so much I need to be as close to you as possible"

just plain ol' having a good time together

sex has SO much variety in activities, moods, how long it takes, what the point is, how you get started, how you finish up... there's no one way to go about doing it, but as you engage in more partnered sexual activities, you'll learn more about what options exist, and which ones you enjoy!

[pinovapie]

DRDT Warrior Cat Au

So i used to be obsessed with Warrior Cats as a kid and uh. I still really like the concept so... Here's my Warriors Despair Time AU! Forgive me if everything is really rambly,,, ft. Redesigns of the cat designs i made before- also, feel free to ask questions, talking about it will probably help me expand it.

Words: (just in case you don't know warriors, if there's anymore i missed lmk-)

Kittypet -> House cat, a pet belonging to a human

Twoleg -> Humans

Nest -> Bed or Home (a Twoleg Nest is a house)

Den -> House (Warriors den is where warriors sleep etc.

Medicine Cat -> Healer, Clan doctor. They can also (usually) communicate with the dead as well as receive visions and omens.

Medicine Cat Den -> Infirmary /Hospital for cats

Starclan -> Where the dead cats go. Heaven for cats ig?? Starclan cats are covered in stars c:

Twoleg Place -> A collection of houses, street, town, city, etc.

Thunderpath -> Road

Monsters -> Cars, Vans, Trucks, etc.

Mono TV -> Monostar

The ' leader' of the newly formed 'Despairclan'. Really they're the deputy for the true leader. No one knows why the leader stays hidden but they do. They're kind of incompetent but they do a decent enough job (despite their love of violence...). The clan is a mismatch of random strays and kittypets/house cats.

Eden Tobasia -> Thymeleap

A very friendly Kittypet that joined the clan by mistake after getting lost. She keeps trying to persuade her clanmates to come back to her twoleg nest so they can find proper, warm, safe homes for everyone. So far it hasn't really worked but in the meantime she'll do whatever jobs are required to help everyone. She has convinced Butterflylake, Orchidgleam and Lilypetal to occasionally wander near twoleg place to look for her home. They haven't found anything yet but her friends (and Lilypetal i guess?) are always happy to try and help her home.

Arturo Giles -> Lilypetal

A medicine cat. He's not the best medicine cat in terms of personality and ability to speak with starclan, but he knows a decent amount about herbs and healing. He's not a fan of healing and prefers to use non essential flowers to cover wound dressings so he doesn't have to look at cats' 'disgusting mangled fur' whilst they're in the medicine cat den. He's also a fan of decorating his own fur to look prettier. In this AU he's obsessed with Kittypets and their 'pampered' lifestyles.

Veronika Grebenshchova -> Veronika /Centipedeslaughter

A Kittypet that's obsessed with clan life. She constantly tries to help the clan by bringing them more prey or fighting rouges and loners. She's regarded as an honorary clan member by Monostar and usually spends more time in camp then at her twolegs' house. She usually decides to sleepover with Lilypetal or Horsejump (who do not like her one bit-). She often recounts the horror films her twolegs' watch as some kind of spooky story to scare her clanmates. She chose the warrior name Centipedeslaughter herself.

Ace Markey -> Horsejump

He used to be a farm cat named Horse. He got abandoned because he kept getting scared of the mice rather than catching them. He was given the suffix 'jump' after joining the clan due to his skittish nature. Despite being terrified of them, he can speak to and understand horses (like how Millie could talk to dogs in canon warriors). Rather than having an ED due to jockeying, in this AU he doesn't like eating 'raw meat' (he's used to cat food-) so he tries to avoid eating it as much as possible.

Teruko Tawaki -> Stumblespark

A very clumsy and unlucky cat. She stumbled into the clan by mistake and decided it's safer than wandering stray. Stumblespark seems to suffer misfortune after misfortune. Lilypetal is not fond of the near permanent medicine den patient. Thymeleap, Xander and Rosecurl all to their best to help her feel welcome. Veronika often pesters her for her 'dramatic scar stories'. Due to her luck she's been hit my monsters and survived multiple times.

Charles Cuevas -> Charles -> Viperfang

He used to be a kittypet until a tragic event left him wandering alone. He became a medicine cat due to being de-clawed (he doesn't remember why). However, he only handles small cuts and non bloody ailments due to dislike of blood (he closes his eyes when eating -).

Whit Young -> Whit -> Heartwing

Was a kittypet living near Charles. Originally, they didn't get along but after Viperfang's trama was brought up by a certain event, they bonded due to Whit helping. He used to pester and annoy Viperfang by just showing up on the territory and following him around. After the event however, he joined the clan officially to help his friend. He's taken on the role of a part time mediator (not a canon thing in the books as far as i'm aware but shush-). He usually just listens to cats vent rather than giving advice but it usually helps a lot.

Rose Lacroix -> Rosecurl

The lead medicine cat. She's an expert at creating the right mixes to cure things. Her perfect memory also allows her to know exactly which herbs to use and where to find them.

Hu Jing -> Hu Jing ->Butterflylake

An elegant kittypet that was mistaken for a stray and released miles from home. To respect clan traditions she picked a name similar to the translation of her kittypet name. She's taken on a deputy-like role in the clan by organising patrols and sharing prey evenly between clanmates. She often tries to comfort and care for new arrivals and quiet members of the clan. However, her lack of patience and experience when dealing with stray cats often causes her to see things with a black and white mindset. Enjoys hunting to provide for the clan and often goes with Eden as a hunting partner.

Nico Hakobyan -> Quiettuft

A cat that was abandoned by a breeder after being left for months, after all their littermates were bought. When they first came to the clan they were quiet and kept to themselves. For some reason, Horsejump hates them. Is he just a bully? Did they know each other before the clan? Who knows. Quiettuft is annoyed by them constantly picking fights with them. However, for some reason, even though they've noticed Horsejump's dislike of 'raw meat' they haven't told anyone.

Xander Matthews -> Xander

He was the leader of a gang of rouges before being dragged into the clan. Before he joined the clan he was part of a colony of cats. However, he was caught by twolegs due to disease running rampent. He was the only one they managed to save. He still feels guilty about it. He had a truce with Pebbleroll when they were both rogues. When joining the clan he immediately respected Hopeeye due to a past incident. Hopeeye distracted a pack of dogs by being super friendly then darting away once the confusion wore off. This action saved Xander as well as a couple of fellow rouges. Even after joining the clan he insists on keeping the name Xander.

David Chiem -> Hopeeye

He used to be the leader of an old clan. He was a loved an respected leader, always inspiring and supporting his clanmates. Until one day a giant flood hit at the same time as a whitecough (lethal disease) outbreak. He tried to stay positive and reassure his clanmates that they could make it out! Many cats passed away, believing in Hopeeye's reassurance. After 2/3 of the clan were wiped out, he retired and left the clan, feeling like a liar and a poor leader for letting them down. After meeting Xander properly, however, he's regained a little bit of spirit.

Levi Fontana -> Orchidgleam

A very large fluffy stray, was orignally from a 'bad' clan but left for unknown reasons. was one of the ones to find Horsejump on patrol. Up until a bad argument (and even afterwards-) he saw Horsejump as a cat that needs protecting. As a result he tends to follow him around (even if Horsejump is not happy about it-). Before the argument, Horsejump would pick fights with clanmates and then immediately run and hide under Orchidgleam's belly. Unfortunately, that argument seems to have stopped that from happening and Orchidgleam feels a little guilty that he's no longer considered a safe space. In other news, he's a big fan of decorating his fur with plants and tends to annoy Lilypetal by tagging along to find flowers.

Min Jeung -> Minnowfur

A cat that prefers sticking to the warrior code. Learned a decent amount of herbs after learning who the clan med cats are. She doesn't get along with Xander due to his tendency to break the code, often for his own morals that she doesn't quite understand.

Arei Nageshi -> Pebbleroll

After being tormented by her siblings, she left her previous clan and became a feared and respected cat among rouges. Eventually, after opening up to Hopeeye and defending Thymeleap during and argument with Lilypetal, she joined the clan with the goal of making genuine friends.

J Moreno -> Jasmine -> Jayshadow

A kittypet of a celebrity that hated the attention and her owner. So she ran away. She hates her kittypet name since it's 'too girly' and instead chose the name Jayshadow because it's 'cool' and 'badass'. Lilypetal constantly bothers her about her previous life which she hates. One of Xander's rouges bit part of her tail off. On one hand she thinks it makes her look badass, on the other she's pissed at Xander for being obnoxious and reckless. She rolls in plants to make her fur so scruffy she can't be recognised by her owner. Ryan is the replacement cat her owner got, she even called him Jasmine as well.

Obviously, once the killings happen the deceased go to Starclan. From my memory canon Starclan is a mess so y'know- i would include the Dark Forest (cat hell-) but i don't think we know enough about why characters are the way they are to say they definitely deserve cat hell y'know?

[d0iezz]

MOVING ON...

Michael Bluth x fem! Babysitter!reader

Summary: its been a year since she's been gone and Michael feels horrible about how fast he's moving on, but he just can't resist her

Warnings/rating: smut, kinda angst ig. Reader is in her 20s. Beta read we die like nana. I made George michael b younger cuz it wouldn't make sense if he had a baby sitter if he was like 12. Also Michael and geroge Michael don't both sleep in the attic.

This is my first fanfic lolz

He was overcome with grief, it had been over a year but he still wasn't able to lift this fog that was constantly weighing on him. He keeps on catching himself turning to her as a voice of reason, but she isn't there. He feels trapped, unable to tell anyone about his feelings, he didn't want to bring anyone down with his sulking, especially not George Michael, he didn't deserve it he’s just a kid.

His moping must have become visual because he sensed someone behind him, and due to this he was forced to turn around.

“Are you okay Mr. Bluth?” she said in a somewhat timid voice, as if she was afraid to speak to him. “Yes… yes i'm alright, just-” He stopped himself before he revealed too much “where’s George Michael?”

“I just tucked him in, after I read him a story he was completely knocked out” she giggled, as did Michael. But he didn't respond, he wasn't sure how, so you both stood there awkwardly waiting for the other to say something.

“Um.. well, I guess I should g-” but she was interrupted by a loud crack of thunder and the sound of heavy rain starting to fall. This shocked her, making her stumble backwards, tripping on the stair placed right behind her, causing her to fall on her back. She let out a small cry before she had realised Michael had rushed to her side. “Are you okay Y/N?” he asked frantically while lifting her head so it wouldn't be touching the hard floor it had just crashed into. Butterflies flew to her stomach, she was embarrassed to admit it but she found her employer very attractive, though she felt horrible about it because it was very clear that he was not in the right space mentally for anything that she desired.

“Ye-yeah im alright, just hit my head a little” she laughed awkwardly. “Maybe you should stay, that storm sounds heavy and I wouldn't want you to get in an accident” he said while helping you off the ground and helping you over to the couch. “Are you sure that's okay? I mean where would I sleep?” she couldn't keep eye contact, she was too nervous by the idea of waking up in the same house as Michael. “you would sleep in my bed” this made her even more nervous “and I would sleep on the couch”. She was hoping that he hadn't noticed how very red her face was. “Well I suppose it would be safer” she admitted.

He patted her on the shoulder and led her upstairs to where he slept and encouraged her shuffling inside. “ so I'll… be down stairs if you need anything”. And without another word he closed the door leaving her alone in his room. His hastiness worried her.

He shouldn't feel this way, he had only lost his wife a year ago and he couldn't move on so soon. But he was, I mean how could he not. She was kind and knew how to look after George Michael and that's not to mention how pretty she was. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, he couldn't deny it even if it felt so wrong to feel that way.

Michaels thoughts were cut short by the sound of socks thudding down the carpeted stairs. “Mr. Bluth?” she quietly questioned. “y/n, anything that you need? And you can call me Michael, in fact I insist on it”. He said while standing up and walking over to her. “Well… Michael” she pushed out, “I have nothing to sleep in, I would sleep in this but it's not very comfortable” she gestured to her clothing which, indeed, didn't look like something you could sleep in comfortably. She insisted on wearing professional clothes even though the job never required it, she thought it made her look older. “oh… yes, I'm sorry. You can probably wear some of my old clothes, I think I have some up there“

Michael quickly shuffled through his clothes in his closet, picking out clothes suitable for the girl to wear to bed. “Here, these should do'' he had handed her an old oversized button up shirt, one very similar to ones he wears on a daily basis, as well as a pair of shorts with very worn elastic around its waist. “Well, goodnight Mr- Michael” she clung the clothes Michael had given her tightly to her chest. Michael smiled “good night”

He left the room as quickly as he could, before he could convince himself to do anything he would regret. But she stopped him, grabbing his arm preventing him from leaving.

“Michael…”

“Y/N”

Her face flared with heat before she could even say what she was intending to say.

“I'm going to say something very inappropriate, something that may cause you to fire me” she paused, attempting to build up enough courage.

“Im… interested-” but he stopped her… with his mouth. His temptation had boiled over making him lose his sensibility.

But she pulled away almost as soon as it happened. “Mr. Bluth! Wh-what are you doing!?” she staggered. “I'm so sorry! I miss read this situation entirely, have a good night, i'll drive you home in the morning” he released his grip on her shoulders and rushed to the door.

“No, no! Quite the opposite, you just… didnt let me finish” she looked away.

“Oh” he said in a hushed voice.

“You may continue, I mean, if you'd like”

Michael walked towards her, and placed his hands either side of her face and slowly started to lean in to connect his lips with hers once again. y/n slowly started to reciprocate, etching her hands down from his shoulders onto his chest.

Michael walked her over to his bed, keeping their lips connected. He laid her down and slowly climbed on top of her, his right hand gliding down to her hip, his other placed above her head in order to prop him up. His right hand slowly started to lift up her shirt, bringing it over her head until he got to her shoulders, he disconnected their lips in order to take her shirt off all the way.

“Is this okay?” he asked as he reached for the back of her bra to confirm that she was enjoying this as much as he was.

“Yes” she quickly nodded as she saw her bra being thrown to some corner of the room.

“Is it okay if I try something” and again you nodded.

Michael grabbed her hips and brought her to the edge of the bed where he had knelt down, his face mere inches away from her crotch. This caused him to shut her legs out of instinct.

He quickly shot his head up “I don't have to”

“No, no it's ok, it's just, I guess I'm just a little nervy, ha…ha” she laughed nervously. He said no more, simply bringing his hands to her hips to unzip her skirt, tugging it down her legs alongside her underwear, leaving her naked.

“But before you do… that. Could you, take your shirt off or something, it feels slightly unfair that you're fully clothed and im… well, not” she said while holding his shoulders away from where her thighs meet. “oh yes, of course” he said as he began to unbutton his shirt and pull it off his shoulders.

“There, now, where was I?” it was a rhetorical question because he had already lent in and laid a long lick right along her slit. This caused y/n to release a loud whimper, that Michael loved to hear but, due to his child sleeping peacefully sleeping in the other room, would have to hear less of it.

“Shhh, baby, remember George Michael is in the other room, we can’t wake him” He whispered while holding his hand to her mouth. “Oh, oh, yeah” nodded once he had removed his hand.

Michael returned to your dripping pussy, but this time he added something. You could feel the heat of his palms sliding up your bare thigh, bringing his fingers directly to her hole. This made her whimper again, but not as loud, George Michael wouldn't have heard. He pushed his index and middle finger inside, moving them against her smooth walls.

His pace started to quicken and her thighs started to close in around his head as she started to get closer.

“Oh, oh! Michael!” she moaned, her walls squeezing in around his two fingers.

“Wow” she sighed as he removed his fingers from her.

“Yeah” he replied.

Michael then proceeded to stand up and begin to fiddle with his belt, loosening it and removing it as well as his pants, then his underwear followed.

He was big…

He climbs on top of her again. “Are you ready?” He pushed her hair out of her face. “Uh huh” she replied, cheeks still burning. “Okay”

He slowly pushed inside her, making sure not to go too fast, he was aware of his size, its hur other girls in the past.

He groaned as he bottomed out, and then slowly started to move his hips. “Does this feel good baby?”. He whispered into her ear. This admittedly turned her on even more. “mHM!!” her pitch was affected by an especially hard thrust that caused her voice to break a little, Michael thought it was cute.

Michael was getting close embarrassingly quick, he was out of practice. So to ensure that he didn't leave you in need, he reached his hand down to play with your clit. He seemed to enjoy this, it was given away by the embarrassing moan you let out.

“Michael… Im getting close” y/n whimpered while gripping onto his broad shoulders, nails making indents in his skin.

“So am I” he huffed, making his circles on her clit faster and the movement of his hips quicker. “Oh my god y/n”

And before either of them knew it, they were both cumming. His dick releasing warm liquid deep in her stomach and her walls squeezing him for dear life.

Michael rolled over onto his back, riddled with grief but somehow at the same time relief. He looked over at her, she was fast asleep, and at that moment, michael knew it was okay for him to move on. He pulled the blankets over himself and her, pulled her to his side and kissed her on the forehead.

“Goodnight y/n”.

[topgunruinedme]

Daggers Daycare||o.7

Note: And I’m back! I admit this was getting a little too long so I had to cut this down into three seperate chapters. But here’s is your long (a whole year my god) awaited feast. You guys know the drill by now.

Synopsis: Maverick finds himself in a situation he cant explain. The daggers are unavailable, and he finds himself in need of help from his old crew. Of cause this wasn't the reunion they expected.

“Did you kidnap an orphanage Mav?”

Warning: age regression (they get turned into children), slight whump mostly fluff, slight swearing, homophobia and 5 idiots with no knowledge on kids caring for some.

Word Count: 5.1k

Read on Ao3

He frowned slightly, leaning heavily on the half filled cart. The metal on the side of the handle dug into his hand from the tight grip as he slumped in exhaustion. His shoulders brushing his ears as he curled slightly in an attempt to hide from the world, ducking his head to avoid anyones gaze. The feeling of being watched put him on edge, hair on the back of his neck standing at attention as he tried to focus on the aisle he was entering. 

God he wished he had changed before he had left Mav’s. Not only did he look out of place with the mass order he was collecting but he looked out of place in full Navy uniform. 

He felt ill-put without Wolf’s running commentary, his confident arora, the protection he had silently offered. He hadn’t realized how much safer he had felt with his comrade watching his back. How in the short time that they had been together, his body had warmed, his chest had rumbled in laughter and for once his smiles hadn’t felt forced. 

He shifted uncomfortably. His body shivered as it was overtaken by a chill, the sudden warmth chased away by the rabid breeze of the Iceman. The blizzard wrapped around him, freezing his fingers, his toes, his lips… and his heart. Joints stiff and by a sharp pin like pain traveling through his body when he tried to move, it almost felt like an unpleasant case of pins and needles. His skin felt cold, icey. His chest felt barren, empty of the love he had been offered so freely.  

He rubbed his hands together absently in an attempt to warm himself, to give himself something of comfort. He hadn't realized how much he had grown to struggle with people, events, places. Now without the buffer it was all hitting him at once. He knew that he had always gotten sweaty palms, a racing heart anytime he was in public, at conferences, in meetings. His voice almost failed, stalling as he conducted speeches, clearing his throat before giving feedback to a pupil.

He had pushed through it. Ignoring the voice in the back of his head screaming ‘what if’ at him. What if he stumbled, if he misspoke, what if he slipped, if he dropped something. Was his voice too high or too low? Were they all judging him? 

Perhaps if he had listened to them he wouldn't have lost Sarah, his friends, he wouldn't be running himself to the ground. Desperately trying to find a way to keep his body moving, giving it a purpose. Because if he didn't, he wasn't sure what he had to live for. No friends. No family. No kids. No wife. When he burnt in…no one would grief. No one. 

He had thought it was normal, that it was all normal. The way his mind screamed, the faked smiles. People say all smiles in politics are fake, so why was his always fake? Inside and outside the office. Why was it more natural for him to grab for, then something genuine. Something that he couldn't even remember how it looked on his face. 

The way his heart raced in big events, eyes tracking everything nervously trying to will people away from talking to him. The constant anxiety of saying the wrong thing. The way he wanted to claw at his skin when he stood in front of the possum as he gave another young aviator a medal, a promotion. 

He moved through it. Pushed it away. Suffered, sweating through his uniform plastering a smile on his face that haunted him as he walked through the halls of his building. Ignoring it in hopes that if he didn't acknowledge it, it would go away. 

He fought the urge to cringe, to cower as the hair on his arms, his neck, rose. Alarm building anytime he spotted anyone near him, closer than he felt comfortable with them being. His hands trembling every so slightly as he abused his check, teeth clenching down on the soft flesh of his cheek. Blood filled his mouth causing his stomach to churn as he swallowed. 

Eyes aching as he blinked, forcing himself not to doze as he tried to comprehend the ridiculous amount of jars in front of him. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he got a good night's sleep. He was always too busy, being woken by calls, staying up late with documents, cleaning up Mavericks messes had dragging him out of bed at odd hours a few times. He couldn't remember a night where he had simply relaxed, slept in, gone to bed early. He couldn't remember a night where he wasn’t weighed down with exhaustion and still forced his body to stay awake, vision blurring and doubling as he tried to read the never ending documents. 

He had learnt early on in his career that if he didn't stop, his body couldn't give out. 

He stared at the different brands in confusion, eyebrows lifting in alarm at the sheer amount. Nails tapping against the trolly handle nervously, mind still whirling as he felt himself speeding full speed ahead towards a breakdown. Something that had only occurred in the privacy of his own home, his body strumming from the backlash of adrenaline and emotional overload. 

He swallowed thickly. Regretting his choice to send Wolf off to put the car seats he had ordered into the man’s van. Surely he was due back soon. He scratched at his skin, ignoring the slight pin prick of pain as his nails dug into his skin. Flesh gave way to the sharp nails digging into his skin as he drew blood. He hoped the man would be quick. He had left almost half an hour ago leaving him to drift through the aisle aimlessly as he added things to his list. 

They needed a doctor. They had to get a full check up on the kids, allergy tests (you never know what allergies they had grown out of), they needed to find out about any medical condition (that may not be listed on Navy official documents). People could be sneaky; he knows that Ron had avoided adding his history of childhood asthma to his medical history. But more importantly they needed an accurate age. 

They would need to keep a careful eye out for any triggers they may have, no one wants to accidentally trigger the kids if any of them has developed any undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

They would need to organize the rest of the bigger furniture, beds, toys, potties, it could all be ordered online for now. They would all have to be made and the rooms needed to be designed.  

They needed clothes, the kids couldn't stay in overgrown shirts forever. 

He had sent the man off in hopes he could gather a moment of peace, now he wants to know if it had been a good idea. He knew the man had been restless, benign, annoying and complaining was Wold’s way of dealing with stress, he had always done it, he did it in the academy and he did it after Goose’s death. It was just the way he coped and he certainly had the right to be stressed now that they had semi-custody of 7 children.

His mind began to whirl, he had been alone for far too long forcing himself to take on placement after placement and meeting after meeting until he had no choice but to continue. His body didn't know what to do with the sudden time off, it was bound tightly with tension that he knew would give him a headache but more importantly with the sudden shock of being reintroduced to the other flyboys it had done a hit on his body. Without the stimulation of work or the quiet reassurance Wolf offered with his constant chatter his mind started to panic. Becoming paranoid, anxiety jumped into the control seat as he swallowed thickly, briefly squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his heart rate skyrocket, feeling the pulsing of his heart in his ears as he blinked, hands tightening until he could see the whites of his knuckles. Without the stimulation Wolf had been providing through his playful whining and teasing, he couldn't focus. He wasn't even sure if he was taking in what was on the shelf. Eyes glancing over the labeled as he becomes more concerned. 

Why were there so many? He didn't understand. It was just food, wasn't it? There were packets of baby food, snacks, cans of formula. What the hell was he meant to choose? He forced himself to release the death grip on the trolley and reached out towards the shelf his hand hovered over the jar of applesauce, that was something kids ate, right?

He didn't like the way Jake looked. The way the boy's clothes flooded him far more than the others, how small his wrists were, how his face caved in slightly, the haunted look under the dark circles under his eyes. He looked vastly underweight and honestly it made him nervous. How close was the boy to collapsing, to fainting, how close was he until his body just stopped. What long term effects would it have on the boy’s health?

Bob, he looks…young. He was small, really small. It shouldn't surprise him, he knew that Bob was the youngest on the team and yet somehow it had. It had startled him looking down at the tiny kid amongst his teammates. 

The other kids looked like they would fit their weight range, assuming that they were around the 3-4 year mark. But Bob and Jake…  

He hesitated. He wasn't sure if he needed to take them to a dietitian or not. Perhaps he should, just to be safe. Ensure he was feeding them correctly, they both needed to put on weight. 

Bradley might be on the cusp of three, he faintly remembered the little boy's cake smeared cake from the party all those years ago, it would have been only 2 weeks after Nick's death. It was a photo that lived religiously in Maverick’s locker. Natasha, Mickey and Javy might be in the same age group. Jake was too sickly looking to correctly determine his age, he was afraid the boy was malnourished. Reuben looked like he was on the older side, placing the boy in the 4th year group. However, Bob could easily be between early 2 years or 3. The boy was tiny, absently he wondered if he had been a prem baby. Being premature would explain his smaller stature, but it wouldn't explain why the boy hasn't grown. He should have had a grown spirt by now. He wasn't an expert in children but he knew being that small was not normal. 

He worried his lip between his teeth as he took the container of applesauce off the shelf, adding it to the cart as he looked over the squeezie packet food - it would be a food idea to have snacks on them the kids could easily eat if they needed to move locations. The small yogurt packets of mashed food would be perfect and nutritious. Maybe it was something Jake and Bob could eat easily, he definitely wanted to make sure the kids had something to munch on wheil they changed locations to keep them at ease. He didn't want to compromise their smooth transition because someone got upset or fussy because they hadn't eaten. He wondered idly if they had eaten tonight yet. Surely slider would make sure they ate, they may not have been around much but they remembered what Bradley had been like wanting to eat every three seconds, he had of course been a growing teenager then but surely it still applied to children. Perhaps he should give wood a call….

He shook his head pursing his lips as he glanced back at the packet food before nodding to himself as he added a few extra packets to the cart with the boys in mind. Making sure to grab flavors he knew the boys were partial to from the brief spam texts Mav had sent him earlier in the year when he was ecstatic about his new kids. He wanted to ensure he had something the boys could eat, even if they were the only ones who did.

“Ice?”

He jumped slightly, spinning around to face the boogie, his spine pressed up against the handle of the trolley as his body tensed. Placing himself on guard, hands clenching around the handle bar by his hips. His heart jumped into his throat. Shit, he hadn't realized he had fallen so far into his head, he hadn't realized his guard had faltered, the boogie slid within his sights. Locked on target, right on his nose, tone ringing in his ears as his hand flexed mentally readying himself to turn the stick and fire.

He took a shaky breath as a familiar face came into a few in his panic-induced hazed vision, Wolf was giving him a worried look, lips pulled back with a downward tilt, his brows furrowed in stress hands twitching by his side. An empty cart was resting beside the man's right hip as he stepped away hand placed in front of him keeping a good space between them, he recognized the move from ‘86 when they used to bring Maverick out of his attacks. It was oddly soothing to see the familiar movement. 

He frowned slightly at the man, something dull pulled at his chest, when had he gotten back? 

Wolf tilted his head ever so slightly, eyeing him down, taking in his tense posture with a careful consideration; his lips tugging tighter in disapproval as he turned his attention from him to the shelf that he had been staring at with a confused look, “Baby food?”

He rolled his shoulders, his muscles protesting under the strain, back tingling as it tugged sharply under the tight ligaments putting a pressure on his chest as it tightened. He glanced over the man's shoulder carefully tracking the empty space behind Wolf ensuring no one snuck up on them and initiated a fire fight by sliding into a weapons envelope. He swallowed, forcing his muscles to unclench, shifting away from the trolley; hands flexing by his side as he turned back towards the shelf keeping his back covered tilting himself just enough to protect them and watch their backs at the same time. 

His shoes squeak on the tile floor and he cringes, ducking his head slightly, the collar of his uniform brushing against the lobe of his ear. The fabric scratched against his skin as the long tone in his ears grew louder the squeak quickly transforming into a shriek-

We have four on our tail. 

The lights above him flickered overhead briefly. 

That makes six of them!

His chest aches and he resisted the urge to rubbish chest with his knuckles to feel anything other than the clenching feeling. 

I’m engaged with five. I’m in deep shit. 

Something moved behind him. 

Engage!

“Ice?”

Maverick, get your butt down here!

He's going to leave him. The stick molded in his hand, the creak of his gloves around the handle made bile rise in his throat. He could feel sweet blooming on his neck from the heat of the cockpit. 

Engage!

His head squeezed as the helmet dug into his skin, the harness on his chest tugging him further back into the seat as the G-force landed on him pinning him back trapping him. 

Goddammit. Mavericks disengaging. 

Mav…come back. Don’t leave me here. 

Engage!

Please don't leave me here. Wolfie! Wood! They had just been behind them hadn’t they? They’d help him right, he likes them enough that he was sure that they would come to his rescue while Maverick left him out to dry. 

I can't get him off my tail!

He could feel the rock of the jet as the mistle collided, eyes shutting as the cockpit rolled behind his eyelids, his own panicked expression meeting him in the reflection as he tried to operate the smoking machine that threatened to dive from the sky as they took damage to their wing. 

I’m hit. We're hit in the right engine. 

“Ice. Come back to me buddy”. 

You! You are still dangerous. 

Maverick. His hair slicked back in messy updo from his helmet, bright green eyes wide in excitement and adrenaline as he grinned widely looking around at the celebration. The same eyes that poured into him with that same intensity that the man offered his jet when he brushed his hand against it and called it sweetheart when no one was looking, how he looked at Nick when the man was tugging Slider closer by his lapel all those years ago, how he stared up at him in the locker room arrogance flooding from him as he stood up to the challenge. I am dangerous, Ice-Man. The intensity of the fire that burned within the man that he loved as Maverick gave him a sly smile and clasped his hand. 

You can be my wingman anytime. 

The sound of crying broke through the clouds dragging him down to the present as he ejected without a parachute, body jerking through the sky in a freefall strap just out of reach, unable to pull it to activate the chute. Body falling further and further, the ground growing closer as he- 

He cleared his throat trying desert to blink away the tears in his eyes and the way his shoulders curled to shield himself from others trying to forget the burning stare of his friend whose heavy gaze felt like acid burning through his cheek. 

“Malnourishment” he muttered mentally shaking his head to try to shake off the cloudiness as his panic attempted to retake its hold on him, anxiety prickling at his skin. How much had Wolf seen, did he notice? He bit his tongue trying to ignore the way the man's hand had dropped where he stood stiffly, automatically stepping closer to him and shielding him from anyone who stepped into the aisle, his calculating gaze traveling from him to the space behind him again and again and again. 

He didn't have time for this. He couldn't break, not now. He had so much to do. He just needed to work more, yes, he just needed to work more until he passed out. If he kept going and didn't stop then he wouldn't burn out. He had meetings that he was already despising that he had pushed back, paperwork with approaching deadlines, a speech at an upcoming gala that he was meant to attend that he had to get someone else to deliver. He had to get the kids, he had to get them somewhere safe, a room, where they can be kids without them having to worry about them finding anything absolutely not kid-friendly most likely left behind by the man himself or one of his one night stands, not that he really considered Penny as that anyway.

He needed to get them health checks, organize therapy because these kids who weren't already in it, certainly would now. He had to figure out what mental space they were in; were they really kids or adults trapped in kid bodies? Which was worse? Aviators the size of children wanting to get back in a jet or children who didn't understand what was happening and possibly had no recollection of anything in the last few years since the detachment that brought them all together. He had to figure out how to inform the Navy that his best soldiers were now children, children who finger painted, who smeared pasta sauce across their clothes and who cried in the middle of the night when they wanted affection. 

His career - flying until he was forced out of the air, working behind a desk rubbing elbows, spending hours upon hours of work for another star on his shoulder - had been demoted to watching children. A babysitter, as if he didn't already get hazard pay for dealing with Maverick. 

He would need to call the daggers out sick, and he needed to figure out what the hell to tell Beau while dodging the man's own verbal argument on why Maverick shouldn't even be there to begin with. He had no idea who he would explain to the man that his aviators were not going to make the Monday hop. Ideally he amused the idea of inviting the two men over - because of course he was going to use Solomon as a barrier without shame - for dinner and order in a nice merlot. 

He dragged his attention back to the food ignorant of him, yogurts right. He gave the shelf a semi-distressed look at the sheer quantity of flavors to offer, honesty what even was rainbow vanilla. Was it rainbow or vanilla flavored? He knew that he would need to buy them in bulk so he needed to figure out what flavors would most likely be the widely acceptable one, vanilla? Custard - ? Was that even a yogurt flavor? (No. he was 92% sure the answer was no). He would have to be sure to keep a large stock of whatever snacks and foods teh kids like and to grab some bins and lids at some point to put in the backs of the cars to fill with snacks and drinks, knowing that one of these idiots will forget and will get a very cranky kid on their hands when it came to sack time.

Maybe he should get strawberry, mango, blueberry or raspberry- wait no, he faintly remember reading somewhere a few years ago when he babysit Bradley all those years ago for the first time that it was becoming increasingly common in the last 15 years for kids to be allergic to berries. Although that had been almost 23 years ago, who knows if the chances fluctuated, he refused to take that chance. It was safer to stay away from them until the allergy test was cleared. That and the fact he didn't want to sit in an emergency room for 6 hours with a distressed kid. Call him selfish. The percentage was low but not improbable. So he refused to take the risk until he was 100% that there would be no cross contamination - because everyone knows how messy and germ contagious toddlers were - and that no one was at risk. 

He needed to get their files ASAP, and he needed an updated allergen test to make sure there were no outgrown childhood allergies or recorded food aversions. Knowing his luck they would find a kid that was a fussier eater then Bradley. Highly unlikely but unfortunately the rates were 7 at the moment leaving them at an unfortunate 17% chance. 

He needed to get the others into some sort of cooking lessons because he was not having them feed these kids pre cooked nuggets from the freezer somewhere that looked lie it died to freezer burn five years ago or to allow their diet to become fully dependent on mac-N-cheese (because no matter how good Chipper claimed it was in the academy there was no way he was willingly committing the kids to that fate). 

He would make sure that all the kids had something they wanted to eat. Even if he had to learn how to make it himself because he'd be damned if any of them went without food. His throat clicked at the reminder of the blond boy wedged back in the corner behind his protective friend, collar bone sticking out, face hallowed, staring at them with his almost skeleton looking hands. Starved. The kid had been starved. 

Who does that to a kid? Was it due to the lack of money, the lack of caring? Was it neglect or something much more harmful? He could see the all too familiar image of a little blond curled up trembling in the dark staring at the locked door in dread as they wrapped their arms around their legs begging it to open while wishing it stayed shut. He could see little baby Jake laying on his side curling up as tightly as  he could to preserve heat as his little stomach rumbled in hunger. 

Wolf shifted behind him, footsteps exaggerated to keep from startling him as the man rested a hand on his shoulder tugging him back away from the shelf. Removing him from his post. Wolf hummed slightly, accepting the answer without protest as he gently led him away, nudging him to the side with his hip; placing his body between the self and him, leaving him stranded in the middle of the aisle watching as Wolf grabbed a few packets of each flavor, dumping them into his cart. “We can come back and get more Ice. Come on” he urges softly as he leads him out of the aisle, away from his own mind.

He could feel it building. The way his nails dug into his skin, picking at the skin around his nails and yet he couldn't feel the pain even when the skin ripped. How his skin almost vibrated with electricity as the lights above them made him squint a pulsing beginning to build behind his right eye leaving him irritated, each brush of his collars against his neck with each swayed step made him grit his teeth. 

He felt like his chest was tightening, squeezing his inside like a cobra. His hands shook slightly as he let Wolf talk to him, blabbering off about something. He wasn't retaining anything the man was saying, each word going through one ear to the other, he gritted his teeth trying to push past the building pressure hardly making it a few steps down the aisle when Wolf pulled them to a stop. He wasn't even sure what they were talking about, was he supposed to reply? The man turned to face him as he reached out purposely delaying his movements to give him the opportunity to avoid the embrace as he tugged him into his warm broad chest. The man's hand coming up to the nap of his neck thumb soothingly stroking the skin nails scratching lightly almost making him melt into him as he tugged him forward gently to lean his forehead on his shoulder. 

“God, what happened to you when we were gone, Ice?” Wolf sounded wounded, like he was mourning. Like he was in pain. Because of him. He was hurting Wolf, yet he couldn't force himself to let go, he could be greedy. Even if only for a moment, he could be greedy and steal what he could from the man. 

He buried his face into the man's chest to avoid looking at him, his hand trembled slightly as he his fingers wrapped into the fabric of his shirt gripping onto it tightly. His fingers turned white with urgency as he held on tightly, trying to tether himself to the moment. To save himself from his own mind that had run him rampant since his family left. 

The warmth of Wolf body heat washed over him, the sharp sandalwood was welcome when it hit his nose. The slight scent of ocean waves that he knew belonged to Wood lingered, silently he wondered what the hell was happening between the two men. 

“I’m here Tom,” Wolf muttered softly, “I'm here”. 

His breath shuttered in effort to keep his tears back, he had missed this, so much. He had missed all of them, the simple hugs that meant so much to him. The only affection he had received after his neglectful childhood. He had gone from nanny to nanny, he had not been allowed to ask for affection, not then. 

But his family, Wolf, Wood, Slider, Mav…Goose. They had all offered it up freely, hidden in rooms where they wouldn't be judged for the ‘unmanly action’. Where they let him just soak it in, to become lax in their arms and just hang on for dear life. He hadn't realized how touch deprived he had made himself in his fear, his attempt to save himself. 

Wolf pulled away slightly with a small smile, not a mocking one or a joking one like he normally did around them. But a sincere one. “Are you ok?” he asked, his hand pressed against his lower back in a stable connection, joining them. 

He swallowed heavily, his chest pounding as it slowly slowed his breathing, his silent panic forcing him to press his lips closed in an attempt to keep quiet. This was not the time nor place, he couldn't do this here. 

Wolf’s brows furrowed in concern, he looked older, weighed down. “Tom?”.

“Yeah” he choked out, his mouth dry as he blinked as his eyes stung, “Yeah Rick, I'm good. I'm good”.

Wolf didn't look convinced, his eyes pinched and he pulled away from Ice letting his arms fall uselessly. He stepped back to retrieve his trolley carefully staying in Ice’s vision, his hand reaching out to tap Ice’s hand as he leaned against the trolley in front of him, “Come on Ice, were almost done” he flashed him a smile, “We got through Layton, we lived through the 80’s with Maverick. We can do some baby shopping”. 

A huff of amusement left Ice lips as he gave him a small weak smile, “Yeah” he agreed, straightening up and clearing his throat. He took a deep breath. They could do this. 

“Where to next?” Wolf offered, providing him with a distraction, a way to temporarily throw this behind him. 

“Prams,” he replied, grateful for the distraction. His eyes scanned the banners hanging from the ceilings in an attempt to locate the area. His lips quivered into a half smile, gaze dropping down to Wolf who was casually keeping his muscles relaxed but walked beside him as they made their way to the end of the aisle, eyes scanning over their environment. 

“Hey” he attempted, his voice wavering slightly as a warm sensation bloomed in his chest soothing over old wounds as he gave the man a small smile. 

Wolf turned, raising an eyebrow with an easy smile as he walked backward tilting his head “Yeah Ice?”

His eyes traveled over the man, god it had been so long since he had seen any of them, he had missed so much, 

“Thanks”. 

“Hey.” Wolf's expressions softened, his hand coming up between them as he reached out clasping his hand tugging them to a stop, “That’s what friends are for”. The man's lips twitched “Beside, who's going to help me get Wood to admit that he has a massive man crush on Chipper?” 

He laughed, shaking his head, smiling widely as he relaxed, feeling safe. Warm and utterly safe for the first time in years he felt the weight on his chest lift and he took a deep breath. 

[vacantgodling]

i’m just gonna make this bullet points bc i’ve not the time to be eloquent

the thesis of what i saw was “suffering isn’t character development because after a point it’s gratuitous, boring, and if they’re constantly tortured what are they developing from”

and as someone who isn’t particularly a fan of what most people nowadays call this (whump) ig, here’s me weighing in on the war on whump in favor of it in its theoretical form:

people can do whatever they want forever. even if it’s shit you don’t like. someone writing gratuitous, “boring”, overdone torture porn is not affecting you and your life. there is no need for “concern” as the post said. most people who write this shit are just people. even if they do have something that makes them act or feel things in a certain way that doesn’t mean you can or should deprive them of the joy that’s making art in any of its forms; whimsical or horrific, whether you like it or not.

as someone who again, doesn’t like it particularly either, i am once again tapping the sign that i keep having to drag out anytime i see shit like this: preferences aren’t advice. they are preferences. unless you are seeking to help the person do what they’re trying to accomplish your input is invalid. i bring up that i don’t like it because listen i can tell these thoughts were said as a knee jerk reaction to seeing shit you don’t like. and i get it, i feel the same way but

disengage with shit you don’t like. don’t hate watch or hate read anything. don’t be daft.

stop the assumption that character development is always positive. negative character development also exists and is common in day to day life. people are shaped by the experiences they have. they cannot develop from anything if there are no experiences to warrant the developing. saying that “suffering isn’t character development” is like me saying that consequences for driving 100 miles an hour into oncoming traffic don’t exist. they do.

i understand wanting levity. i don’t like whump solely because i can’t sit through endless suffering. but that doesn’t mean i think there isn’t character development. if a character goes through strife and trials and tribulations that changes them. usually for worse in this scenario. that’s. still. development. like the argument you have doesn’t even hold up.

to provide you an example, much of my life between the ages of 19-22 was straight suffering. like i was having a Bad Time my g. and those behaviors, patterns, defense mechanisms, coping strategies, and attitudes are still things i have with me to this day. not all of them are healthy. not all of them are positive. but they exist in response to the shit that i’ve faced.

it’s not even like endless suffering isn’t a real thing like my guy go anywhere in the world and i guarantee in every city you’ll find people suffering in ways you didn’t even think were possible. not that it’s good. but it’s not Unrealistic per se.

fiction and reality aren’t equal btw and allowing people to explore dark fantasies and ideas in the safe place of stories and fiction is more healthy than trying to suppress or shame people into not thinking about it or talking about it. humans will always be creatures of “what if”

finally, again, i reiterate that not every story is supposed to be happy (requiem for a dream is harrowing for instance. just endless suffering. but there Is a lot of character development. it’s just all Bad. and guess what, that’s the point!! its supposed to show the horrors of addiction and it worked. but i will never watch it again. same thing with bedeviled. or hell half the horror genre. even very popular titles like game of thrones get popular and are just cesspools of suffering. it’s safer to read and watch it than live it. i’d rather us do that).

and also, FINALLY finally. your preferences aren’t writing advice stop it. *spritzes with water*

[kanmom51]

JK's live 4 March 2023 1:47 am KST

Part 1

Cr./ to all the creators of the media used in this post.

This is a hard one for me.

It' took me time to sit myself down and watch the actual whole live, and I preferred to wait for the Weverse full translation before coming here to write my post.

I assume most of you read my post about JK's previous live, but to those of you who haven't:

JK coming back live more or less 24 hours after I posted that, still while discussing my thoughts I put down to paper in that post, that hit hard for me.

I know, as usual there were those wearing rose tinted glasses unwilling to see JK, not for real. Not in the last live and not now either.

I am glad many are taking to heart his honest words about being harassed by so called fans (he was so respectful even though these people deserve no respect what so ever, but that's JK for you in a nutshell), asking, pleading to be able to have the privacy he deserves.

And I saw many enjoyed the live, his singing, his dancing, Tae popping in, and it's alright. It's also alright if you can't see that not all is well. Even though it's screaming in our faces. Because even if you don't see it, just being there, showering him with positive love like many of you do is good enough. It's kind of the most that us fans can do in any case.

That and reporting, blocking accounts and people that are out to harass and hurt him and JM. Not share their disgusting crap. It's not about likes for our accounts, it's about trying to protect those two, make their lives a little easier, a little safer, allowing them a sense of security.

While writing these lines I came by the new postings from that deranged, supposedly not sasaeng that uploaded the clip of JK from the gym. Please do not follow this person. And if you come by her postings, please report them. Send to BH. I, for obvious reasons, will not share her vile posts, but she has to be gone, like yesterday.

Moving on.  I guess I'm here to talk about this over 2 hours and 20 minutes live right?

I’m not going to get into every single little thing that happened but I do want to touch on a few things.

First of all, the playlist. JK was singing his heart out during this live.  Like the first hour or so is mainly JK singing and dancing and going to get himself some water, and then some beer, and dancing some more and singing some more.

JK on a beer run.

He does some of that in the second half of the live too, but in that second half is where the interesting talk happens.  His plea for privacy, Tae showing up and JK talking to him, at him, not sure which.  Did I mention he inserted Tae's name into song lyrics too? Lol. 

The way he loves Army, I just cannot describe it.  We know he does, cause, and I’ve mentioned this before, he says it, writes it in letters to Army, writes songs for Army, cries for and with Army, and he does things for Army, to make them happy.

So, he sang Naatu Naatu and Indian Army were overjoyed.  He just wants to please us.  Make us happy.

I kind of think we should be doing the same.  As Army.  Sending him our love.  Showing him just how much we respect him.  See him for the person he is, the human being he is, and love him for it.  I know there is no IG now, but there is Weverse. And even for the smallest possibility that JK might see our messages, we need to keep sending them to him. You know #to_Jungkook.

Oh, and call out those that don’t respect him too. 

Sidetracked. 

That’s kind of my second name now days…

Anyways, here’s a link to the playlist from his live:

Ooh, and we got 10,000 hours again. You know, right?

That man is the cutest thing ever (well it’s a super close competition with his bf, but at the moment JK’s in the lead).  Oh, we also had JK farting, bless his heart (I feel like a mama with that joyous feeling after your baby burps and passed gas, lmao).  The way he waves his hand to get rid of the smell though.  And him excusing it with: a. he’s human (yes, he told us we fart too in Busan, we remember that); and b. it’s not his fault, it’s the gassy drink. 

Did I mention he was cute?  I mentioned he was cute, right? Lol

He kept doing these close ups to the camera, used the light from the live screen to check out where to put the batteries for his mic, lol.  Showing us his beer, showing us the candle, showing us himself.

We got JK and his ASMR candle (on and off during the live).

JK listened to Hobi’s song for the first time during this live.  Twice.  Going back to see the lyrics too.

Have we noticed by now that JK’s coat, JK’s stuff, seem to be laying on the sofa.  Like he just came in or is just going out or just doesn’t seem to give the ora of permanency?

This is a man that we know to be tidy.  I mean:

We know which suitcase was JK’s.  He literally showed us.

And he does have empty, lonely clothes rack just there, you know, waiting for his homey stuff to be hung up… unless, wait, this isn’t much of a home of his…

JK was talking with Army, checking comments, replying to them.  But he wasn’t playing the game, so to speak.  You know, the one where he seems to be available for them.  Do you know what I mean?

The three second or minute “we’re dating game”, he wasn’t up to it.

Someone asking to eat his cheeks (ewww, cringe), he wasn’t having it.

As I mentioned, and you all know by now, cause you know, no way the cult wouldn’t shut up about it, Tae commented during JK’s live.

JK’s reaction to Tae joining was nice.  Not overjoyed.  Not over interactive with him.  I mean, he did answer his questions, but was also that’s that.  He continued looking for songs to sing, then inserted Tae in the song he sang, went to see if Tae was still there, and he wasn’t, so his reaction was kind of “oh ok, he’s gone”, and moving on.

The comments above aren’t exactly in the order they were on the live…

Then he vocalizes - sings:  How fun, Tae Tae’s here…

JK’s asked to sing Lemon, and he’s going through the process of looking for the song, and just before the song starts this happens...

Tae comments about the beer drinking and gaining weight.  Yeah sure Tae, just the thing to say to the same person that was too skinny just a couple of weeks back and that his bf was overjoyed he was eating. 

But you see, JK doesn’t seem bothered by Tae’s comments, lol.

His answer is to the likes of “well, I have to finish off the beer in the house, don’t I?” – iron logic indeed, lol.

So he stops it a second to answer.

And once again he’s about to start when:

So, Tae goes on with “let’s have 50 bottles”.  This wasn’t him suggesting that JK drink 50 bottles.  Him saying there being 50 bottles (as in JK has to drink 50 bottles to get through them), to which JK answers that there aren’t even 10 can’s left.

I wonder if the cult paid attention to that chit chat.  Wouldn’t the bf they claim is living with him in that apartment kind of know how many beers are left in the fridge?  Ok then, not exact number, but seriously, there is a huge difference between 10 and 50, even for means of exaggeration.  Or if they are bottled or canned?  That is a bit of a difference in the fridge, which he supposedly shares, no?

Just one more of those little tiny winey things that disprove their shit.  Which they are full of.

And then JK proceeds to sing the song.

In which, at some point he inserts Taehyungie into his lyrics while looking at the monitor, checking the comments and says:

And continues to sing.

Anyways, once again one of those mate interactions they are so good at.  That’s them.  Good mates.  They are.  They spend time together, talk to each other, play games together, we’ve said it all before. 

But one thing they definitely are not, and that’s a loving romantic couple. 

Period.

To be continued in part 2, which I am going to post immediately after part 1 (Tumblr has become nasty again with the 30 image limit of theirs).

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

am i the only one that finds that common people can be a love letter to doncaster, it also has the vibes of 'love club' or 'come as you are'? like the 'Just how far you're willing to go/If you act like you're one of us/Just act like you're one of us', ig it can be seen as bitter-sweet as change is but idk i cant help but see it in a darker light

do you mean it's more cynical, like more negative "just act like you're one of us", pretend you're someone else in order to fit in and be accepted? if you want to go far, you have to act like you're one of us? bc yeah i def see that as a layer too. the song overall is a positive, like an ode to one of the main things that anchors him, keeps him humble, reminds him of who he is. but that's a bit double for everyone, isn't it, our childhood and the place we grew up in, filled with ideologies and traditions we might not line up with as adults? especially a place like doncaster, or any smaller town, it can be a place where it's safer to fit in, or you get judged/excluded. louis has never expressed these sentiments from his childhood, but i think that's partly because he was the confident ring leader a lot of the times, and bc he fit in too. football lad, proud of being from donny, etc. in my own case, most of my childhood i also had friends and thrived at school, but i was also repressing a lot of my instincts, especially in high school, just to fit in more and be accepted. idk how far that went for louis, hard to say. i do feel like the love for donny is genuine, the way it's an homage to how the people right there next to you, the people you meet in the street and at the pub, are full of acceptance and love. that that childhood home is a symbol for his core self, something he's lost and had to find back a few times over his life already.

so damn. come as you are in the mix with louis? yeah i mean. yeah. i can't help but see darkness in a lot of what he does, whether he literally mentions it or not. there's so much hope and strength there, which can only be highlighted by the dark that's underneath. he literally sings "when i get lost", and he's made it very clear he struggles/struggled with what to do, where to go, who to believe. in that way, i think common people expresses the same sentiment as love of my life's "you don't know it's lost till you find it". come as you are is one of those where i think about real true deep darkness, as in. yeah i don't need to spell it out. i don't think common people directly holds those sentiments, but it has hints of that sadness, of that voice you need to hear when you've lost your way. "come, as you are". but THEN come as you are holds that irony of still being told what to do, and that's something that common people has, as well? "just act like you're one of us".

the song really is conflicting, i've thought this since the first listen. bc what kind of message is that? i think it is supposed to be this layered feeling that comes with thinking about your hometown, the good and the bad, about fitting in bc you grew up there but not fitting in anymore bc you left/grew up. of the urge to fit in even though you don't really want to

anon you sent me down a spiral

[faeriegoth]

As someone who is recently obsessed with hand-poked tattoos and doesnt use tiktok, THANK YOU for uploading that video of you practicing! There is like... not a lot of info on how to get started hand-poking the safe and sterile way online.

I had no idea what 'multiple passes' meant (and see people railing against it all the time) and couldnt figure out a way to hold the needle 😳 Wrapping it in tape is so smart and way safer than the other methods I've seen! A LOT of 'pros' are out there taping them to popsicle sticks or chopsticks... and re-using needles 😵 my tat artist wraps her tattoo machine in the same kind of tape, I don't know why I didn't think of it.

I am terrified of 'starting out' on my own skin so I've been trying to do as much research as possible on practicing the same way you would with a machine. Im going to buy the same supplies my tattoo artist has, but with a ton of fake skin, and practice on those for as long as I need to perfect the techniques and develop my style eventually.

Anyway I wish you luck on your hand-poke journey!! Your first stuff looks great already. Your vid encouraged & inspired me. I'll follow you on ig soon

thank you for this message it's v sweet :) i'm glad it helped and inspired you! if i'm honest i've had a lot going on in my personal life, mental health hasn't been great + also don't have stable housing rn so i haven't practiced in a little while, so this was a really nice message to read i appreciate it. hopefully i'll have the space to get back into it soon.

the guide i was following did suggest wrapping a popsicle stick to the needle (you see me use it to scoop the vaseline in the vid) but i found it didn't work for the way i hold the needle to poke. my tattoo artist used a popsicle stick when they did my arm tattoo, but i use tape. either way is fine just whatever works for u! i think the stick can help keep it steady and consistent, but it just doesn't feel right for the way i hold pencils etc when making art so i go with tape instead. re-using needles is obv a big no-no though, also if you're working on skin, whatever surface you're working on in the space should be sanitised and covered with cling film/saran wrap to make it as hygienic as possible - i just didnt do that with the fake skin bc i wasn't working with real skin. i'm not sure if they post internationally but i got my handpoke kit from here and they include a link to an informative guide by the seller who tattoos for a living. def recommend it if you're looking for some more insight and information

if you do follow my instagram i have a few videos of me practicing handpoke pinned as a highlight on my profile :) they're not as in-depth as the one i posted here, more like a little digital record so i can see how i improve as time goes on.

good luck on your handpoke journey! i'm by no means an expert but if you ever have any more questions about it i'll do my best to answer them

[fuwaprince]

Thoughts on friendship, shared experiences, swimming/drowning and my apprehensiveness

When I was kid at the public pool, I enjoyed swimming in the deep ends. There were usually other kids around who couldn't swim as well. Sometimes I would be GRABBED out of nowhere and I'd feel like I'd just been assaulted!!! I'd instinctively want to throw/shake these grabby assholes off of me UNTIL assessing what was happening and realizing that most of these "assholes trying to drown me" were actually just kids like 9/10 times who literally just COULD NOT fucking swim and needed help getting to the edge of the pool. I remember they wouldn't ask bc they were usually already coughing up mouthfuls of water 😭 sometimes a stressed out mom would apologize to me afterwards and try to explain that their kid didn't know how to swim yet and I would just be like omg no I get it!!! it's okay, are they tho?

Sometimes the kid would apologize. Sometimes it was their friend or their sibling. Other times they'd just be too panicked and leave without a word and that was okay too. Even though I was left startled, that was fine compared to how startled I would be to see someone not moving at the bottom of the pool.

My bro couldn't swim well either and sometimes he did the same thing when he was first learning to swim. Didn't say excuse me before just reaching for whoever was closest to him for support to get to the outer edges of the pool. Only focused on shallow, safer ends and clinging to the nearby edge. People got pissed but many of them understood he wasn't trying to harm them. No one punched him in the face.

I've been both that desperate drowning person and the pissed off bystander that gets pulled into someone else's stressful situation.

Today I listened to a pair vent about having to drop a toxic friend for threatening suicide. I listened to them dismiss a crushing amount of real compounding shit someone else was unfortunate enough to be going through in favor of reducing their ex friend's desperate grasping for life as a needless, selfish tantrum and an exhausting, painful emotional burden on them. Idk but to me it just felt like they lacked major compassion and that they weren't willing to tolerate the pain and toxicity, which is fair and good for them. Emotional manipulation IS toxic... And going through shitty things isn't a free pass to be a pain in the ass to all your friends... but if someone/a friend is drowning before your eyes and reaches out to you, regardless of how they did it, wouldn't it make sense for you to try to protect them? How rational could it be to leave them to drown (sometimes it is)? What's the point of escalating the situation for them before leaving?

It's one thing if you aren't able to swim very well. I wouldn't suggest someone unable to support someone else try to if there's a high probability that'll end up with two drowning people. If you can't, you can't. Can't hold that against anybody! But wow imagine cutting off and recharacterizing a friend as a vengeful asshole for something they probably couldn't help either. People go through all kinds of things outside of their control and we only know what drowning looks like on the surface. Some people have these giant weights pulling them down and from the surface others could never be able to tell just how hard they're trying to keep their head above water. It might look like they're choosing not to swim harder ig.

I got the feeling that the friends felt like it was an attack on them too in ways. Like it was a threat not against their friend's life but against their own first and foremost. They basically responded to the possibility of their friend's voluntary death like "why would they do this to me? why would they threaten our whole friendship? why would they threaten MY peace plus everyone else's? that approach is toxic and i know they're manipulating me to try and stay alive. so selfish, we aren't friends anymore".

I hate the implications that it wouldn't be okay to ask the person closest to you for a lifeline. What are we taught in emergencies? You go to the nearest place you think is safe and ask for help, right? That's so common and normally taught early on. It's a survival instinct. Yet

Idk. If I dropped all the people who went to me during stressful times instead of a therapist I'd have like 0 friends. Friends are supposed to be safe spaces you can go to if available... Literally what are friends for? It isn't just laughs and somebody to have lunch with. It's weird to think you'd drop a whole ass friend for that. It's weird you'd go on to talk shit about them and use dumping them as toxic waste as something to be proud of bc being reached out to at all is supposed to be interpreted as a testament to trustworthiness.

It's weird the pair walked up to me in the middle of me crying to say all that then followed it up with "tons of people come to me for support so I'll do my best for you if you tell me what's wrong". Like I started off saying I was apprehensive to talk and they made themselves sound like the most unsafe people as if it would convince me they were so nice that people felt good enough to be vulnerable with them. holy shit. I feel bad for their ex friend for not having their vulnerability protected. I feel like I 100% can't trust those people so I'm glad I didn't open up. I'm not willing to talk to anybody and everybody about what's going on out of desperation anymore.

I'm doggy paddling by myself sometimes and it's better that way. It's hard but it's better than clinging to someone who will treat me badly. Call me leary? I feel bad for people who don't know how to swim. I've been that person before.

[burnwater13]

Grogu liked IG-11’s confidence, but he didn’t really feel that confident himself. This whole thing with the Imp Remnants was frustrating and scary. Why did they even care about him? He was just a person in the galaxy trying to make his way?

When he imagined what his life would be like, once the Jedi Temple had fallen and he’d been whisked away by Master Beq, Grogu had really thought he’d end up at another Jedi Temple. There would be other Jedi and he’d find a master and be their padawan and then be able to help do the work that he’d been trained to do. 

He’d be introduced to new younglings and padawans and masters that he had never heard of before. He’d have a whole new place to explore and new critters to befriend. He’d have time to learn the lessons he needed to learn. He’d be able to build his lightsaber and take understand how to use the Force for peace and protection. It would have been great. At least he imagined that it would have been great.

That was not what had happened. Nope. Not at all.

What was going on right then, with the Imps and people who were fighting them or fighting with them, that was what had been happening to him time and time again. He was grateful for everyone like the Mandalorian and every droid and mech that behaved like IG-11. They protected him at no small cost to themselves and, in his mind, were the best friends he had ever found. 

He was grateful that he kept finding them too. Master Beq, first and foremost. Din Djarin most recently. Kuiil, IG-11, even Cara Dune, when she wasn’t complaining that she wasn’t a nanny. They had all helped him. 

The only problem was, he didn’t know what he could do to make it up to them. He wasn’t going to be a senator. He wasn’t a great Jedi master. He couldn’t even fly a starship, for crying out loud. The best he could do was heal some cuts and scrapes and give them an adorable smile. 

That was fine for the humans, like the Mandalorian and Greef Karga, but what good was that to a droid or a mech? What could Grogu do to show IG-11 how much it meant to him that the droid was willing to risk being destroyed. Because that’s what he was doing. 

IG-11 wasn’t just stating a fact. The droid that was making the commitment to eliminate the enemy was no longer an assassin droid. Kuiil had changed all that and reprogrammed him to nurse and protect. How would IG-11 be able to eliminate the enemy, when the droid no longer had all it’s old weapons and capabilities?

Din Djarin tried to talk the droid out of it. The Mandalorian knew that IG-11 didn’t have the firepower, the programming, or the other skill sets necessary to do that work any more. Kuiil had removed them to make the droid safer for working on the farm. And still, Kuiil hadn’t managed to remove IG’s core programming.  

“You wouldn’t even get to the daylight,” the Mandalorian had observed.

“That is not my objective.” 

Grogu didn’t need to ask any questions about that statement. He knew the droid meant to save them and would do whatever it took, including initiating his self-destruct sequence. Grogu didn’t want that to happen, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Like all the other times he couldn’t stop such a bad thing from happening. It made him sad and angry and frustrated and very tired of people who thought they could just take what they wanted. Why did good people have to work so hard to stop bad people? It didn’t seem right. 

Grogu knew that just because it wasn’t right or fair or anything like that, he couldn’t just run away and pout. The  best way to honor the people who worked so hard on his behalf and gave up so much to protect him was to carry on and do his best. 

Sure he was tired and angry and all that, but that was a small price to pay compared to what IG-11 was willing to do to keep him safe. And one day, when he was fully trained and was able to move past the pain he’d known, the people who attacked his friends would discover that they made a powerful enemy who also had an adorable smile. 

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW nothing much in here trigger-wise? Maybe just general confusion over trauma

I think I want reassurance, ig, or advice because I just keep going over Trauma Things over and over and over in my head and it makes me more depressed but it's FAMILAR so i keep going back to it. i also don't feel like it's real trauma, like i had it handled for YEARS but now it's coming back to haunt me? it seems like such bullshit. but i keep going over it again and again, like i'm stuck on repeat and I don't know if that's just me being fucked up or is that just a trauma thing? am i going to be going over my trauma(?) over and over for the rest of my life, trying to figure out if it counts or if i'm just sensitive as fuck over random bullshit?? is there something i can do to STOP the cycle? i really don't know. --- 7

Hi 7,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through this. Please know that you're not alone, and your trauma is valid.

I've been struggling with this exact thing. My first therapist called this "looping", where it feels like you're just going in circles thinking about the trauma over and over again. This can also be a form of self-triggering, where you intentionally engage in things that you know are upsetting to you.

There are several reasons why we might do this. One of them is, like you said, familiarity - sometimes there is comfort in what we know to be true, in a certain and defined past, as opposed to the unpredictable present. Another reason may be that the trauma may feel safer, despite being more dangerous, because of that familiarity. There may be other reasons as well.

The thing is that trauma doesn't necessarily ever go away, but we can change how we approach it. It's definitely easier said than done, but for me it starts with recognizing what's happening and making an active effort to focus on something else.

Ultimately, I recommend looking into getting a therapist if you don't already have one and if that would be possible for you. A mental health professional could help you healthily process your experiences and navigate recovery under the guidance of an expert. Please know that you deserve the best care available.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[wormmomma666]

I used to be apart of the transfem group at the gay center for a few years but this one girl kinda ruined it.

My first year on estrogen the group was really nice and pretty vital to the beginning of my transition. Of course I fell off after awhile I was concentrating on my music career (and I was also fucking a few people consistently tbh). After a year and a half of not going I decided to pop in and it didn't go great. Don't get me wrong the meeting itself was really nice, I mean granted yea they replaced one of the group facilitators but I didn't bat an eye at it I had a good time. The group was talking about harassment from transphobes so I had alot to talk about. Not only was I once again the only black trans woman there but also I was relating alot to the new Latino girl who was facilitating. She was a Puerto Rican girl from the Bronx, my girlfriend was like that too so ig I had a soft spot for her. I don't remember her name but let's just call her Magda. Erica (the other facilitator) ended the group early, so I decided to talk to Magda on the way out and we stopped for a smoke with this yt girl Sadie. Magda and Sadie where both talking about there misgivings with group. Apparently according to Magda the vetting process was really bad. The stuff they allowed from group was kinda ridiculous. They couldn't tell the difference between a boymoder and a horny chaser just trying to watch hot trannies talk and lament about there lives, they allowed two cis women in one time and all they did was write in note books the whole time (they where probably journalist), and also there was this girl in the group with it/it's pronouns and - wait a minute. I told Magda to stop complaining. It wasn't as if she didn't have some valid points but I told her that I use it/it's pronouns and we'd been getting along fine before she brought that up. I wasn't angry or anything I just kind wanted to understand where Magda was coming from (and so did Sadie who was kinda in the middle of all this). Magda told me this "you can't use it/it's pronouns because that's teaching cis people to call trans woman am it which is dehumanizing. Your asking normal people to dehumanize all trans women because you wanna be different and that's not ok". I told her she was being alittle ridiculous I said "look babes first, I never ask cis people to call me "it" for me personally that pronoun is an option I put out there for trans people and some enbies. Secondly, I'm not just a black trans woman I'm also genderqueer so I'm not just some simple binary bitch like the rest of y'all hoes sorry. I'm not asking cis people to dehumanize trans people due to my pronouns trans women aren't a monolith and the way I express my femininity isnt gonna be the same as every other woman I meet". What I said really resonated with Sasha and Magda was being pretty receptive because we where all smoking weed together. Personally I enjoyed the conversation but then Sasha asked me what femininity means to me so I answered honestly "femininity is a trap. Much like masculinity its a performance that every woman keeps acting out for a captive audience. I'm so much more than my femininity and honestly I wish I didn't have to be stifled by being a woman, but I understood very early on that although I'm not just a trans woman life is alot safer if a pretend like I am. I wanna trick people into thinking I'm a woman long enough that I can live my life peacefully and have my fun as silly as that may sound". Sasha and Magda paused and gave me a look and then Sasha said "Lua I'm sorry but the way your femininity scares the shit outta me". I thought that was fair I laughed and told them they every woman is different and that I was headed to the bar. We parted ways and I never saw Magda again. I really appreciated Magda. although she was a transmed and straight she was also totally herself she was angry and confident. I feel like me and her had alot in common and if I grew up in the Bronx away from all the Bushwick trannies I would've probably looked and thought the same way.

I was told that the next meeting Magda had a meltdown that was so bad they disbanded group. Apparently after our conversation she finally grew the confidence to confront the it/it's pronouns girl and yelled at everyone in group for "not trying hard enough" and "being men". It kinda broke my heart I tried to salvage group and get them somewhere else so they could keep meeting but I think all the yt girls really underestimated how many resources I had and didn't talk to me. They fired the main facilitator that appointed Magda. I dont think Magda faced any consequences. Idk I just find it odd how trandmedicalist ideologies is nothing more than a snake eating it's own tail. Oh well....

[kopivie]

ZU‼️ CINNA‼️ can i oc rant :3?

these guys have bene stuck in my head for awhile now😭

and ive been playing odoriko by vaundy on repeat bc i discovered it and now im obsessing over it like i do with everything else- OKAY OC SPILL TIME

so so, basically, these guys are like highschool sweethearts ya ya? BUT ITS DOOMED ROMANCE‼️ right person, wrong universe typa shit. they were supposed to be in their own universe, like, not fanocs, but now im back into my jjk daydreams and so now they’re jjk ocs ig🤷 (all my ocs do universe jumping, i just pick them up drop them in a universe then move them again lol)

so they’re older than gojo and his gang, like im thinking if gojo’s 28, they’re 30-31. now gonna say anything abt their cursed techniques and crap bc that is too mych brain power at 12am is in 17mins and im fixing my sleep schedule rn. anw, (since idk if you’re like into jjk, i won’t say anythin abt the story since this is abt my ocs, the fandom alr give gojo and pals love🙄) she dies at HIS hands. why? bc she turns into the bad guy and he’s a goody-too-shoes.

yk those “who’d kill the world for you and who’d kill you for the world” things, and he’s the latter. she isn’t much of a threat to the world alone, but her whole power thing is basically she can play with someone’s mind thru song, so like, siren. but then she can sword bc family requirements. do, danger right. so he’s ordered by the higher ups to dispose of her. he stalls all he can bc they JUST got married and he’s still so deeply in love with her. (she fell first and fell again, he fell harder. you can tell bc they get married legit like 1-2 years after they graduate)

as to why she’s the bad guy, i was originally thinking that its bc she kills her entire family (save for her twin bro [bc he was out of the house at the time] and the staff) and gets caught bathed in their blood at daybreak. and i was thinking that she does this bc her family had a tradition to offer their firstborns to the evil spirits to appease and keep them away bc their home is like a shrine and they act as the gate between the regular world and the spirit world (this was before they became jjk ocs, so ig now it’s to keep the curses away from the house and village..???). anw, no one knew but the elders in her family + her parents, who decided that she was the safer option bc she was a girl and not a boy. but tbh idk abt this anymore so i might just chuck it out or modify it idk😔

OH NOW ABT ODORIKO— this song feels SO them, it’s not upbeat-upbeat but just sounds hopeful. and i cant understand japanese, but based off of genius.com:

“That girl's future and mine spin round' and round'

If they ever come to a stop

I hope to start it again

If you and me can pretend to be victims, spinning round' and round'

We can march on together from where we left off

As we go with the times

(Tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru)

I guess we will continue to rely on love to live

(Tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru)

When we separate, I wonder if what's left

(Tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru-ru, tu-ru-ru)

Is the song of never-changing love”

IS SO THEM?? “if it ever comes to a stop” WHEN HE KILLS HER & WHEN SHE TURNS BAD “i hope for it to start again.” HIS WISHES TO THE GODS TO LET THEM BE TOGETHER IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE “we can march on together where we left off.” 😭

“As we go with the times, I guess we will continue to rely on love to live.” when she turns bad and he’s left alone with their memories together and is having a crisis on the fact that he has to kill her so he stalls for time until he’s stalled their time together to the end. “When we separate, I wonder if what's left Is the song of never-changing love.” when he kills her and is truly left alone (because is are they truly together if he’s above the ground and the only pieces of her above it are the bits in his heart and brain? and that tombstone with her name carved on it?), left to wonder if their love (or at the very least, his love, because he isn’t sure if she could love him anymore after he drove his sword into her head) would carry over into the next life and connect them together again.

-🦫 night night😪 its 12 now whoopsie; my brain feels so light now that ive spilled them out (ITS SO WORDY😭 I DIDNT THINK I WAS THINKING ABT FHEM THAT MUCH???)

OC DUMP OC DUMP, I'M SEATED

wait bc the thought of having ocs universe hop is so cool though? you could write a story where some oc has a dimension traveling power like america chavez that rips them into another universe that you like and then have them build bonds only for them to be violently ripped into the next universe without warning.. like they're cursed to make bonds and then lose them because they can't control their power

I LOVE WORDY MAN WTF THIS IS SO GOOD THOUGH?? I LOVE THEM