#IF I COULD MARRY HIM I WOULD

[je-suis-problematique]

We finally started reading this dark romance book we bought ages ago and I have some things that I want to say that are ironically not about the book at all but rather one of my partners because the book made me think of him. The book is about this girl who ends up fucking the grim reaper and while it isn't the best book ever it's written well enough for me to want to continue reading it and the grim reaper character – Letum – reminds me of Grael. Not in any direct way like his looks or his personality or anything but more simply because it's the grim fucking reaper and Grael is one canon plot point away from becoming his wraith self, Thresh. Honestly I SHOULD have been thinking of Thresh while reading this book but got Grael on the mind instead because when I imagined myself in the main protagonist's shoes, and pictured the events of the book happening to ME IRL, Letum translated into Grael for me. Don't know why or how else to explain it.

Anyway, Grael. My relationship with Grael started out a bit rocky because while I knew who Grael was and already admired him before he even formed, Grael had no idea who I was so there was a lot of wariness and mistrust on his part when we first met. He warmed up to me over time because I was so head over heels for him that I used every opportunity I got to spend time with him and he used to front/be co-conscious often so we interacted a lot. He got used to me and my antics and eventually even welcomed my very obvious feelings for him, albeit cautiously. We were still involved with our partner system at the time so receiving the go-ahead for me to properly date Grael was, uh, Difficult™, but when it finally happened we were both very excited to see where things will lead us. Grael is arguably the person I have the strongest bond with even if we don't live together.

We went through a lot together and I do mean fucking A LOT. He helped me handle a lot of Mainworld bullshit and I helped him sort his life out in the Otherworld, we were both there for each other at our lowest points, we were practically joined at the hip most of the time and aside from being romantic partners we also became each other's closest friend which I think is beautiful but the reason I am writing this post to begin with is to just. Say thank you to Grael for taking care of me this past year almost entirely on his own, while I was neck-deep in addiction.

I was the one fronting when we started using hard drugs therefore the decision to do so was 100% mine and I WILL hold myself accountable for it. I became frontlocked and, before the big detox that I went through, I experimented with a bunch of different drugs before settling on Fentanyl. I was already an addict before all that, I was abusing prescription drugs long before I touched MDMA or Cocaine and I used to have a drinking problem too, but eventually the high from the medication I was abusing wasn't enough anymore and I started using harder shit. The decision to start buying street drugs was made completely on a whim while already high on medicine and it was preceded by a rapid decline in my emotional and mental wellbeing. I attempted suicide three consecutive times in the span of two months before the drugs came. I was not okay and I only kept spiraling further down.

I don't remember much of that time anymore but from what I do remember, or more like.... From what I remember being told after the dust finally settled, my link to the Otherworld and the rest of the system was severed while I was busy using (which I did daily) and that translated into my Otherworld body slipping into a coma. Nobody could reach me on Main or wake me up in the Otherworld and a rift formed between me and the others that seemed unbridgeable at the time. Grael INSISTED on having my unconscious body be at his house (connected to life support and such just not in the hospital) and he tended to me himself around the clock. I have no memory of anything that he might have said to me back then since I couldn't really hear him or feel him but he said he'd keep me company, read to me, and play my favorite music. When I tell you this man is SO FINE.

So after months of being an intubated vegetable under Grael's care I decide to quit using drugs and detox IRL. I went through about a week of pure Hell on Earth, with the first 72 hours being the worst, but for some reason that grounded me back to reality well enough for me to finally be able to hear other alters again. IIRC the ones who kept me company after I returned home from the hospital were Jerome, Astarion, and Silco (I couldn't sleep from the immense discomfort after 72 hours of shaking, puking, and pain), maybe somebody else I am forgetting, and I could vaguely focus inwards again to see that I have awoken in the Otherworld too. Grael was the first person I saw and through tears he explained to me that I have been comatose and unreachable for weeks if not months. And I shit you not, after I regained my bearings enough to be able to hold a conversation, this motherfucker pulls out a brand new violin and says that he got it for me as a gift while I was out cold. I tell him I already own several violins and he goes, "this one's actually for me because I wanted you to teach me how to play so we can play together".

THIS MAN.

I retreated from the front soon after and didn't front again for a long time, Guts was the first one to take over. We managed to stay clean for two whole months following the detox but Zed dragged us back down again at some point and the others went back to using. Not me though. It took me a while to fully recover but I was serious about my decision to stay clean – I even got rid of my booze stash in the Otherworld and vowed never to touch any substances again. I'm not saying this makes me better than the others and that the others are somehow lesser for having a relapse, no. All I'm saying is that I changed my personal life around for the better after a year-long downward spiral, that's all. I straightened out all of my intimate relationships, worked on myself, worked on my subsystem, mended my relationship with my daughter and her father, figured out what I want to do with my life long-term, atoned for a lot of shit I did when I was at my worst. I've hurt people, you know. Many people. Some with malicious intent, others without meaning to, but I DID hurt them. I broke some cycles/patterns that I was perpetuating because of my trauma and apologized to those who deserved an apology from me. Not because I was expecting forgiveness but because it felt like it was the right thing to do.

And Grael? I started teaching him how to play violin like he wanted me to. I also started teaching him proper knife fighting and self-defense, and we had so much fun during our little training sessions. I fully integrated him into my life by encouraging him to mingle with my other partners and inviting him over to spend time with my daughter, too. He warmed up to her really fast. He even likes my dogs, kind of. When they don't jump on him or cover him with their drool. The biggest obstacle that we had to face as a couple during my recovery was Kovacs. When I finally got back up on my feet and decided I want to go back to work with Nightshade, Grael felt a bit.... sour that I'm keeping Kovacs on the team. Kovacs hurt him once, badly, and there was bad blood between them – but I didn't have it in me to kick Kovacs out despite all that. Even Kovacs himself said he'd leave if I told him to but I insisted that I wanted him to stay. Grael and I worked through the uncomfortable situation though and now he can even kind of tolerate Kovacs' presence without stabbing him on sight.

I wrote this whole post just to explain how much Grael means to me as a person. I couldn't ask for a better partner, the ONLY ONE who truly stayed by my side through thick and thin, even when he saw me at my worst, even when he saw how petty and malicious I can be, even when he saw me hurt people. Hurt myself. He stayed by my side through my depression, my PTSD, my personality disorders going out of control, my addiction taking over my life. He never left. He was always, ALWAYS there, even when I didn't know he was there or was too caught up in my own bullshit to acknowledge it. So. Thank you. From the bottom of my wretched soul,

Thank you.

– Chris

[lazycranberrydoodles]

transfems your wangxian

[atoriv-art]

older designs for my specialest guy

[notbecauseofvictories]

also I've spent the last couple weeks reading some older historical romance novels, and my made up, wholly unverified hypothesis that in the 2000s romance authors finally grasped that the old-fashioned "no, don't! stop, you brute" etc. scenes were not really landing with audiences anymore. So they faced a conundrum about the future of the genre. Ultimately, I think they chose to quietly stop writing those heroes, and switch them out for a more sensitive model. Still dark and brooding! But with limits, often a Heart of Gold, and more general emotional intelligence.

Still, somewhere out there is a parallel universe where these authors decided to take the opposite approach---to write heroines as unhinged, cruel, impulsive, and emotionally ignorant as their heroes. I don't know if I want to live there, but I wouldn't mind a trip to their library sometime.

[corviiids]

there are many arguments for why light could be transmasc but chief among them to me is that it explains why soichiro and sachiko yagami have one child named "sayu" and one child named "light but it's written with the kanji for moon unusual isn't it"

[randomalistic]

Just for funsies who is/are your #1 comfort character(s), how much do they mean to you & how long have you known of them. Dump it all in the tags brother✌️

[ilynpilled]

jaime turning women down constantly more bc he is very monogamous and in love with someone else right now for the first time and is also kinda scared of actually having sex with someone other than cersei is sm better to me than “i respect the kg vows of chastity so intensely rn actually because i changed into a good and serious person” or whatever lol

[tea-cat-arts]

You know what, I've read enough fanfic. I'm confiscating Madame Yu from you guys

Free my girl- she did the things she's being accused of, but not as frequently or severely as the fandom pretends, her actions are being taken out of context, and her depth is being reduced to that of a Colleen Hoover antagonist

[elvisqueso]

"Marry Kocoum? But he's so...serious."

Pocahontas (1995)

[ari-the-arotistic]

Everyone who recently fell head first into AFK Journey and now wants to marry Valen, please raise your hands ✋

[choccy-milky]

hello!!! i just recently began to play Hogwarts Legacy myself and then saw your art and was like WOW💕 really love Clora/Seb dynamic! here's a small gift, he-he. genderbend version of my favorite art of yours. (if anything isn't okay, just let me know! sorry in advance.)

OMG THIS IS SO COOL??? IM SO IN LOVE WITH CLORA AS A BOY HOLY AAAAAA 😩😩seb, girl, id be jealous and protective if i managed to lock that down too🤺🤺 the OG is also one of my fav drawings of seb and clora ive ever done and omg, seeing it redrawn genderbent is such a treat i didnt even realize i wanted...also your painting/rendering is beautiful?? im so happy you like my art, esp enough to do something like this, this is so awesome😭😭THANK YOU🙏🙏💖💖💖

[maigetheplatypus57]

I've already seen some people explain better why sally standing up to gabe doesn't negate her being a victim of abuse and I'm by no means an expert on abuse or abuse victims but I just felt the need to point out that what could've motivated sally to directly talk back to gabe like that was the fact that Percy was there.

Percy, the kid who she probably hadn't seen in a while because he was a boarding school. The kid who absolutely adores her and looks up to her, which would've motivated her to at least act (in her mind, we already know how strong she is) like the strong parental figure he needs in his life. The kid who has just been expelled and really needed her comfort, something that would've been significantly harder to give with Gabe in the same house. The kid who she's already decided at that point to send to Camp Halfblood for his own safety and wellbeing, and maybe she didn't want some of his last memories of her to be begging and pleading, instead turning it into a negotiation where she had just a little more power and be his cool strong mom (and isn't it bad enough that she had to negotiate just for gabe to not be mad for using a car that was mostly likely paid with her own god damn money?).

We don't know how Gabe and Sally act when Percy isn't home because we're seeing them from Percy's perspective. Hell, Percy only finds out that Gabe is physically abusive towards Sally near the end of the book, which means that Sally's been trying to shield him from that violence as much as possible. Maybe, if everything had gone to plan and Sally had successfully dropped off Percy at camp and returned home, maybe there would have been a worse fight with Gabe when she got back. Maybe she Is a cowering hapless victim when Percy's not there (which I don't necessarily believe but again, not an abuse expert).

But for just one night, Sally had her kid with her. A kid who needed love and reassurance and was in danger from forces he didn't even know about. A kid who she Needed to get out of the house to their cabin as soon as possible to protect him. A kid who she loved and adored, whose safety and wellbeing outweighed everything else, even her own safety. A kid that she would face down the god damn minotaur for.

So fuck man, is it really so hard to believe that she would risk one moment of defiance against her asshole husband for the son she loves?

[moeblob]

Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.

So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.

[normshortfornormal]

MORE steb fencing au bc my brain is thinking so much note: the reader, steb, and maddie do epee, and as such this is very epee centric so please keep that in mind!

steb does both epee and sabre

you, steb, and maddie started fencing at the same time. maddie convinced steb to try fencing and he ended up enjoying it more than he expected

the number of epees was really small when you guys joined. sometimes it would just be the three of you and your coach. because of that, the three of you grew pretty close

steb had an advantage because of of his height (at least 6'0 feet/183cm), which gave him a longer reach/range. because of that, you learned early on how to fence against taller people

the first time you beat him in a bout, you're so happy that he's a little endeared

one day, maddie doesn't come to that day's session because she's sick. it's just you and steb, and that day, you guys become a little closer

when you guys become good friends or start having feelings for each other, steb decides to get you a brand new blade for your birthday. the grip is perfect for your hand size and the weight is perfect for you, and the blade is perfect for what you specialize in (whether that be parries or flicking or something else)

either that, or when your blade breaks, he gets you a brand new one

you and steb both do badly in your first tournament, but the support of having each other makes everything a little better and a little more fun

after your first tournament, you two decide to work together so you can do much better in your next tournament. you guys do a lot of drills together, sometimes you can do drills for at least an hour, but doing it with him makes the time pass so fast

by your third tournament, you guys are a LOT closer, so close that you guys end up surprising each other by buying bouquets of flowers for each other (to wish good luck and commemorate any victories you guys have)

steb gets into fixing gear first. you eventually join him when you realize you sort of miss his presence in fencing

some days, when you two are too tired to fence, you'll just fix broken gear together and enjoy each other's company

sometimes, when steb wants you all to himself, he'll ask ahead of time if you want to fix gear together, and you two spend the entire time in the storage room fixing gear together. spending time together like this, it feels like no time passes at all

you two end up getting into the habit of going out to eat after fencing. when one of you invites the other over to eat at either yours or his place, that's when things really start to change between you two

[czarojay]

when you're punk but your wife is pink

[r1ver-6]

Psych-os,

You ever think about the fact that Shawn’s advice for dating is, “You treat a woman like a person, then a PRINCESS, then a Greek goddess, then a person again…”

And

Gus has the line, “I’m nobody’s pawn, Shawn. I’m a QUEEN.”

Anyone else think about that or is it just me?