#I've unlocked a new level of mental illness
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#I've unlocked a new level of mental illness#if I do not engage with the chappell storm then my brain starts to shut down. I feel and speak like a zombie until the music starts playing#And I get a little warning sign which is digging my fingernails into my palm and grinding my teeth
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speaking of callum not to be bleak but i had a dream he died and i was so devastated 😭😭😭 please
#unlocking new levels of mental illness every day#should i be worried like i don't think i've ever dreamed about any of my faves dying before LMAO.#it's so serious you guys do not understand
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Wooden Ocean & games as entities
For the last 41 days I've been obsessed with Wooden Ocean, cause this project speaks to me on so many levels and is an extremely interesting, ever evolving piece of art that I think should be studied and paid attention to, so, here's a rant that'll probably end up way too long w/ heavy autistic overtones!!
Warning: There will be light spoilers, but this post will not be about lore. I will make reference to story elements at times, but I will be examining more the creation of it, the magic of it, or maybe more accurately what it makes me feel and some mentally ill ramblings about how games are complex and beautiful art
Part 1: A Wocean of Content
Wooden Ocean takes place in, well, a sprawling "ocean" of forests (as well as some actual ocean too). This Wooden Ocean is ridiculously densely packed with content. It's an extremely big game to the point I doubt anyone will ever see everything in it with a single playthrough. That's cause this game has been getting constant work and updates almost every month for the last 9yrs, and is designed in a very open "find your own path" kinda way, making it easy to just stuff and expand every corner of the map with new things and introduce new sets of enemies, loot, quests, stories, dungeons, etc.
I was introduced to this game, like most of the recent fans, when a small YouTuber, Worm Girl, dropped an almost two hour long video covering it. I watched about 5min and decided to stop watching and delve into it myself, and I don't regret that for a second (though I highly recommend the video too, it's amazing)
I'm an indie nerd for sure, and I love unique takes and invention in the (J)RPG genre specifically. Probably cause my brain got infected by Undertale as a kid, but there's always something so special about the stories these solo/small team devs tell. I'm a massive Indivisible defender despite the fact ik these kinda projects ain't for everyone, but there's a very unique kinda passion and soul you can find in these type games, so obviously when this absolute gem and constantly evolving work of love and dedication was just handed to me on my feed I felt genuinely blessed
Cracking open and exploring this game is a fucking experience. It's definitely overwhelming, but despite how much stuff there is and how many systems and mechanics there are, the game is still very simple. It's a JRPG. You walk around, you talk, you fight, you loot, you get stronger, you probably fight some deities at some points, and you get attached to the characters you're traveling with. Sure, the text on your starting skill might be something like:
[Magic x 1.5 + Luck x 3 - Enemy Luck x 5]
But that just means "if you have more luck and magic, skill do more damage", so it's one of those things that can look intimidating, but is actually very simple and even helpful. A lot of the game at a glance might seem difficult to get into, but through different difficulties and a big variety of play styles, you can kinda choose if you wanna push yourself to the absolute limits, or if you wanna make damn near every fight end after 2 button presses and fully focus on the exploration and story instead. It's a game you can approach in so many ways, so let me get into that, cause this will be important to the overall point of this chaos
Part 1.1: Variety in Wocean, Elements, Expression
15 elements
8 weapon types + shields
Armours and other equippables with effects ranging from giving you access to new elements, buffing certain stats, trading stats for others, resistances, etc, etc
You choose two elements for the main character (Violet) when starting a new game, and you get to choose one element for each party member (2 by default after the prologue, 2 optional unlockable ones). All these elements are surprisingly distinct and unique. While they follow a formula of "x amount of attack spells, x amount of buffs, x amount of healing spells, x amount of debuffs" that are unlockable, they still all serve different purposes (which is helped a lot by the fact different elements are tied to different stats) and are good at different things with very distinct themes, like "Carbon" which is themed around using flesh and blood magic to make your body stronger or give your enemies an aneurysm, or "Gravity" which is themed around using the defense stats of both you and your target offensively against them
The weapons are all distinct as well, all serving different roles and with different upgrade paths you can go for with it's own synergies and gimmicks. Like great swords that have a lot of attacks that hit multiple enemies, some with different elemental damages (like fire or lightning) attached to them, and self-buffs to make those hit harder, or bows which reduce your chance of being targeted, are great at debuffing single targets in various ways and can spend a turn taking aim for higher damage and critical chances
So combining these things, especially when taking into consideration that you can find weapons and equipment that give you access to extra elements when worn and weapons that got the skill sets of multiple different weapon types + accessories that can have a massive impact on your build, suddenly you have crazy amounts of customisation and options for super personalised builds
Due to the ever changing nature of the games combat with the constant balance patches and updates adding new content and the dev taking player feedback very seriously and acting based on it sometimes the very same day the feedback is given, and the extreme variation, the builds you end up with are an expression of your personal journey through the game, your adaptation to this ever changing and never fully knowable meta, and probably also just something you made cause it's just what spoke to you the most
Despite the game being like an exploration of this one passionate artists mind across years and years, it's still a game where you can heavily express yourself through how you approach it and interact with this world and it's simple at a surface level but complex mechanics, OR you could just buy some very big, infinitely reusable bombs and play the game how the proffesionals do it
Part 1.2: Murda Mentality
So that brings us to Amelia "Murda" Baker and the concept of murda as a lifestyle, spiritual practice and political identity
Amelia is one of those 2 initial party members, the other one being her brother, Alex. They make for an interesting and engaging dynamic with Violet, cause while Violet, a highly skilled witch, is very powerful in her own right, she knows very little about the true nature of the world she exists within, most likely less than the player. But these siblings in contrast have knowledge way beyond what the player does, but not necessarily the desire to sit the player or Violet down and lore dump all at once. This leads to storytelling that kinda naturally lets the player in on things about the world through dialogue, slowly peeling back layers of the mysteries and hinting at new aspects as you explore the game, talk to NPCs, play through quest lines, etc
The writing is also just genuinely hilarious. Dialogue is often written in a way that feels very authentic and natural, despite how absolutely unhinged some of the shit said in this game is, and I think based on having spent time in the community that most players would agree the funniest character in this game, if there was a vote had, would be: Amelia "Murda" Baker
She's a character who treats the game like, well, the game that it is. While she has genuine and emotional moments, a lot of the time she just responds to most situations with the word "murda" with varying tone and facial expressions, and sometimes also with the action of "murda"
You could call her just a comedy character, but I think that'd be unfair as this character and characterisation perfectly represents the kinda attitude you should have towards this experience. Don't take it overly serious, have fun with it, fuck around and find out, kill shit, get loot, explore, murder symbols of authority for being shitty people representing and upholding shitty systems
Now, I'm not saying Amelia "Murda" Baker is The Anarchist Messiah, she can't exactly be said to care too much about the good of the people, in the sense that she eats people, and her catch phrase is "murda", cause she does that to people. A lot. But what I am saying is that she's like a constant reminder to not be taking this world too seriously and have fun first and foremost, without diving fully into a nihilistic "nothing matters" mentality as there are genuine stakes, things and people to be cared about, interesting topics explored and working classes to protect (or alternatively fascist police states to be established if you're a fucking weirdo ig, personally I have nobody working at my town's pig pen and I'm keeping it that way)
Taking things not too seriously, fucking around, experimenting, having fun, enjoying this vast, layered world however you feel like in the moment, is core to keep in mind for:
Part 1.3: Layers Beneath a Vast Wocean
The Wooden Ocean, as I've mentioned, is massive. It's the kind of thing where even going into it expecting it to be big, you'll still be shocked at the size of it. Even if I tell you that the game starts you off on a huge landmass stretching every direction, with multiple layers of interconnected dungeons, caves and sewers all forming a sprawling underground network, and multiple islands and other places to travel I haven't even talked about yet (and I probably haven't found all of myself yet), I would still confidently bet the amount of areas in this game would surprise you if you played it
So far, the only real detailed maps of this game that are available are the ones showcased in the Poetry of Exploration series of guides by the incredible Inky (aka. The Crime Boy), which covers the overworld of the game and is being actively worked on by them with the help of other community members to have more area covered and more detailed information for those areas
In addition to everything I said already, this dev shortly after the recent boost has implemented and will be actively working on a mega dungeon, the most difficult area in the game, that he will develop on a one floor per year schedule, adding to, refining and expanding that one floor throughout the year until it's time for the next one. A dungeon so high level and challenging that it's set to not reset upon entering New Game+ so you can work your way through it over multiple playthroughs
Oh, and that's not even mentioning the couple places you can go in the world where there very clearly will be a lot of stuff, but gives you the message "future content" when interacting, so, as you can see, this game is constantly expanding in every direction at an honestly concerning rate (please take care of yourself too man goddamn)
Now this might again sound overwhelming, but if you apply some Murda Mentality you'll find an experience in some regards reminiscent of Yume Nikki or LSD: Dream Emulator. While this does in some ways have a more coherent world as well as progression systems, clear goals and all that, it's still a very dreamlike, entrancing, free form exploration that's easy to get lost in, with plenty of weird and beautiful visuals to admire and different concepts and ideas explored in a variety of different ways
Now though we're starting to get into the topic of
Part 2: Magic is Real; Art as Spellcrafting
It's not just witches and warlocks!! You too could be eligible for magic!! Find out today, or at your own pace I guess, whatever, idc..
You've probably noticed by now that I might fall within some people's definition of "pretentious", but if I had a great sense of self importance I wouldn't be writing an entire essay on Tumblr about an RPG Maker game at 4am or admit within it that after years of being nameless after coming out, this game is what introduced me to the name that's now me
So, clearly this game has left a very big impression on me and resonates with me on a deeper level than most things. These qualities can be found in all art though, and that's part of the broader point I'm making with this. Emotion is magic, art is made with, inflicts and inspires emotion, you have magic in your veins!! The beautiful chaos at display in The Greatest Expression will force you to face these truths!!
Okay nevermind! Not at your own pace! Not at any sane humans pace! Calm tf down man...
Part 2.1: The Basics of Spellcrafting
Expression is a form of magic that's to an extent innate in humans. While every craft takes practice, even a toddler will have ways in which it expresses itself. Expression is emotions channeled into something that can affect other people, and the most common way humans express emotions, aside from basic communication, is through art
From placing words in specific ways to draw out emotion in text or verbal form, translating the (inherently abstract) images, concepts and ideas in your head into real life using lines on paper, combinations of sounds, movements, personas, working of fabrics or materials, using tools or machines in specific ways, personal fashion, all of this is art, all of this is expression, you all do magic to some degree in your life (even if you're not classified as a witch, warlock, wizard or other similar entity!!)
And now its stealing my lines too... I'm done, I'm leaving, I don't need this rn...
Not all expression is art, but all art is expression, and whether it's corporate copy-paste shit or boundary pushing, inventive indie shit, the creation of art is a form of spellcrafting
There's an endless variety of ways people choose to craft their spells, often combining several of the forms of expression I mentioned (among plenty other ones!!) and often honing their skills at and learning new things about the art(s) involved in crafting that spell during the process. A painter will have a deeper understanding of a brush than anyone without that experience can fathom, the language of it integrates and becomes part of their instincts, the minute movements of it registering in their subconscious which acts accordingly, as extensions of themselves
Now of course that don't mean every painter can use, wants to use or even likes every brush, but just the fact that they can often tell those things just by holding (or even just looking at) a brush shows how this spellcrafting process has become natural to them. Their preferences in tools and the ways they use their tools might change over time, or they might stick to something super specific, but regardless it will become more and more a part of them. Their craft, understanding of it and methods for it will evolve and change as long as they continue to express themselves
Part 2.2: Vessel of the Gods
One of the most important tools in the process of crafting a game, is the engine it's made in. Different engines have different languages, quirks, strengths and weaknesses, so what engine is used and how you modify and alter it is something that will affect the entire work. The engine and how it's used determines what boundaries and restrictions you're working within during the process of turning these smaller pieces of art into a cohesive, interactable realm
It's the vessel through which you get to be the creator of this interactable art piece, so obviously we need to talk about this developers game engine of choice, the legendary:
RPG Maker VX Ace
RPG Maker is a series of game engines designed for making JRPG style games, and are designed specifically to be easily accessible, with little to no programming needed to make a JRPG. They're both beloved and infamous at the same time. On one hand they're the easiest way to make a JRPG thanks to having all the basics already in place for you, and plenty of hit games (at least within gaming spheres) have been made using these engines, proving they can produce great results and that there'd be an audience for the result. On the other hand though, due to being so specialised for that specific purpose, they got a lot of limitations on what's possible to do within them, and due to the engines having such a "low skill floor" so to speak some people have an inherent bias towards games made with them, in some way putting a limitation on the size of the audience too
RPG Maker VX Ace, the 33rd engine in the "RPGツクール" franchise, is the engine this man has been spending so many years of his life learning, working with and using as his main spellcrafting tool while creating The Wooden Ocean. I won't pretend to have a deep understanding of it, cause I really don't. I've played around a little with RPG Maker MV before, but just my knowledge on that one is extremely basic, I couldn't even tell you a single one of the differences between them
While I might be ignorant, after a conversation with Errantstar, an active community member who's been delving into and documenting the inner workings of Wocean (as well as showcasing a whole bunch of obscure games on Twitch), I've become somewhat educated, and the knowledge it provided me during our talk will be woven into things moving forward
The same way an artist shapes their work with their tools, the tools shape the work just as much. While a spell cannot exist without a caster, a caster cannot cast without it's spellcrafting tools. It's a symbiotic, or maybe more accurately a codependent, relationship. Spellcrafting requires metaphysics of a mind merging with the physics of a tool, coming together and forming
Part 2.3: The Shape of Expression
An author writing a novel for publication is restricted in their craft to placing letters within the confines of pages. Those restrictions contribute heavily to the shape of that work. Those restrictions are what make it a novel. An author can use those letters however they want though, and the pages can have variations and alterations to them, like the controlled chaos of the formatting in House of Leaves
So, you remember how big, open, dense and interconnected Wooden Ocean is, yh? And the varied and unique combat system? Well, that combat and the game as a whole has a bunch of complex systems and mechanics I haven't even mentioned, and as we know, RPG Maker VX Ace isn't exactly made for all that
In order to create Wooden Ocean, this developer has had to modify the engine, push and expand it's limits, work within the restrictions while challenging them. In order to follow his vision he had to create makeshift solutions for increasingly more problems, but the further the engine gets from it's inteded purpose, the more volatile it becomes, and suddenly every change he makes or thing he adds could have uninteded consequences affecting other aspects of it
There's been plenty of things he's had to solve, things he's had to just roll with, and there's several upcoming challenges on the horizon. One of those being that he's nearing the maximum amount of things (everything from items to rooms to enemies, etc) the engine allows you to put into a game. Everything he adds comes with something the engine added in a sense, his actions cause both predictable and unpredictable reactions from it, which he in turn has to respond to
This back and forth between this caster and his tools is what gives Wooden Ocean it's shape
Magic is real, art is spellcrafting, and the story of a spells creation can be felt within it
With everything from the beginning to now in mind, let's enter the final stages of this chaos
Part 3: The Greatest Expression
The Wooden Ocean is sometimes referred to by the inhabitants within as The Greatest Expression
How couldn't it be if it's all you know?
But this piece of expression being great wouldn't be incorrect. Despite the chaotic process projects like this go through it's a (mostly) very smooth and engaging experience that clearly has something to say and is one of the most unique and refreshing things I've played in recent memory. The passion on display revealing itself more and more for every step of every cycle across such a vast and intricate journey is an amazing thing to witness and why I love this expression
Something core to every spell is the caster, something core to every world is the creator, so it's time we talk about the deity of this realm
Part 3.1: God
Leif Ian Anderson is the mad god behind this beautiful chaos known as Wocean. A being that can be spotted in places like the Steam forums talking about "murdas" and "blood altars", who shows no semblance of sanity in the inhuman speeds he works at and how he fills the game with characters like this
Fr though, this man deserves his flowers. His dedication is more than paying off. Call it recency bias if you want, but after over a month of playing it almost every day, after having beaten it, I'm still just as excited and filled with wonder jumping back in. Thank you for this expression, thank you for this experience, and thank you for my name Sincerely
Now, I won't pretend to know much about the guy. He got a Scandinavian name and lives in Florida, he makes Wooden Ocean, he probably still works a regular job and that's about all I'm aware of. His presence is very heavily felt throughout all of this game though, naturally, as it's his expression. A display of concepts, ideas and views in the form of a digital museum with an addictive gameplay loop
Despite the heavy use of altered free assets his creativity is on constant display in every corner of the world, in every line of text, in every mechanic. In fact the altered free assets and how he uses them is a big part of what gives it such a unique aesthetic, and even ties into and heightens the narrative and concepts at the core of the experience
This is a god who cares a lot about his world and the people who interact with it. He will respond to (and if possible fix) any problem or bug reported. Almost to a fault as he's known for sometimes over correcting too much, like when a complaint about gravity attack spells being too strong resulted in gravity now being one of the weakest elements in the game. To me though, this is a big part of the charm of this game. It's unpredictable, and everything in it has a story behind it
Despite being the god of this world, his work has a lot of humanity in it. A lot of soul. He might joyfully make some sadistic design decisions from time to time, but simultaneously he will do anything in his power to make this experience accessible to as many people as possible
A merciless and mysterious god
A merciful and transparent god
Part 3.2: Mezra
Mezra is a lot of things in the Wooden Ocean
Mezra is a religion, and also a chara- or, well, several characters. We got Mezra (the witch), Mezra (the architect), Mezra (the angel), Mezra (the artist), and then there's some Mezras not explicitly named Mezra but their names are definitely Mezra, you got an Ezra in there as well for good measure, oh and then there's also Mezra (the author) and, shit, even my name is Mezra!!
Now I won't get into the lore on any of these characters, but I want you to note the hilariously excessive amount of Mezra there is in this game. The game is very self aware of this ofc, with some characters in the game drawing attention to it and finding it just as confusing as anyone would. While it's a good bit, it's also a lot more than that in several ways. The most relevant one to this topic being the theme of self-observation
While these may be different characters, there's always a Mezra observing a Mezra. Deity Mezra is always watching down upon the mortal Mezras, the mortal Mezras are ofc aware of the religion of Mezra, a Mezra might interact with a Mezra, you get the picture. Mezras on every layer, with different viewpoints, observing eachother
If we were to view the different Mezras as one, if we were to think of them as a collective, then the idea of "Mezra" is a perfect representation of Leifs role in this world. He is a deity, a creator, but also an observer to this game. In many aspects he has knowledge way beyond anyone else about his artwork, but in some regards he might know less than a player would about something within it
The unpredictable nature of the spellcrafting process and vast amount of content with so many ways of interacting with it leaves him in a space where he's both a deity and mortal within
Part 3.3: The Entity Known as Wocean
Expansive, ever changing, unpredictable, filled with magic, expression, never fully knowable even to the artist, caster, creator, god of this realm, The Greatest Expression, Wooden Ocean is an entity more than it is a static interactable artwork
Expression is done through it, both by the player and the developer, but it also expresses itself back in a sense. Not to say it's alive or has a mind, but conceptualising it as it's own entity gives a clearer picture of what this work feels like to interact with
It's got a personality that goes beyond what deities and mortals intentionally imbue it with. It's a creation participating in it's own creation. Forever changing itself for as long as the process continues, forever having left an impact on itself whenever it comes time for the process to end
Wooden Ocean isn't the only game with these characteristics, but it's a perfect example, no?
Never before have I seen a game that exists as an entity to this degree, never before have I seen a game that exists as an entity where that fact ties so beautifully into the intended expression
This has been my first love letter to and one of many reasons why I'm so obsessed with
Final Words (Process & Credits)
That number you see in the very first sentence of this post was originally 26. Partially due to being a slow writer, but also due to feeling it would be in the spirit of this expression, I been taking my time with this. 15 days to be exact. Which, like, this shit's extremely excessive ngl lol, but spending my spare time the last two weeks exploring the game further and interacting with and learning from the community while occasionally opening this up in the drafts and putting down some words has honestly been super fun!! I hadn't even beaten the game or watched any Wocean content yet during the writing of anything before Part 2.2, while now I'm fucking around in NG+ and on higher difficulties, still constantly discovering new things, places, quirks, mechanics, etc
Cause of this, in some parts, there might be some small inaccuracies or things left out (like the talent system I never mentioned) and in the latter half some lore nerds might feel a bit peeved with parts of 3.2 for example, but I have it like this intentionally. I've gone over this whole thing and made little edits here and there throughout the entire process, but this ain't a review or a lore discussion, so I decided against being neurotic or adding new info and am embracing the chaos and quirks left over from the process instead of making it just a knowledge dumping post
I wouldn't have nearly as much knowledge of this game as I do if it wasn't for the incredible and welcoming community it has though. Talking about and shitposting about this game with the people over on the Discord has definitely deepened my obsession with and heightened my enjoyment of this experience. Y'all are great, and I'll continue delving into the Wocean with y'all at the very least for the foreseeable future. So, while I'd like to put a spotlight on each individual person I've been interacting with, for my own health and the health of the community I'll stick to just crediting and linking to the people who's contributions I've linked/referenced throughout this somewhat controlled chaos:
Worm Girl as I mentioned is an amazing YouTuber and the one who started this current Wocean wave. Very much recommend her videos on Fear & Hunger and various LISA fangames too
YouTube
Rilks wrote the weapon and element overviews/guides I linked, and has a good little YouTube channel dedicated to Wocean content!! Its also the owner of the current Discord and shows a lot of genuine care for the people in the community. He's almost at 400 subscribers, so go check her out and subscribe pussy!!
YouTube
Deesppumb tbh idk much about, haven't seen em around a lot, but seems very chill and has made some very good funnies (like the one displaying how the proffesionals do it) and got a couple more funnies on this YouTube channel, so, check it out!!
YouTube
Inko, again, is the legend who's been (and still is) putting in work mapping out this chaotic realm, and they been really sweet and helpful in my experience, so go further the Woceanisation of Tumblr by following them on here pls 🙏🙏
Tumblr
Ster was very kind for taking the time to answer several questions (most requiring long answers) just to indulge this bullshit, and does so much to help out the community by dissecting the game and being the closest thing to a Wocean wiki. They also stream very regularly, both Wocean and a bunch of other interesting and barely known RPGs, so go watch and follow you fuck!!
Twitch
Then, of course, Leif Ian Anderson. I've already said a lot there, but fr, like, show this guy some love. He's made something extremely special with this project and it's impossible not to respect his unrelenting dedication to this entity, so, obviously, play the game or at the very least check him out Wooden Ocean is on -25% sale rn until July 19th, so, perfect time to be getting into it now!!
Wooden Ocean | Twitch | SoundCloud | Patreon
Ty for reading!!
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Looking through the killing stalking tag while waiting to see my therapist...I feel like I've unlocked a whole new level of mental illness
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vent under the cut
i hate. i don't hate anything in particular but recently, i've just been full of hatred. and i'm not even being a hater online about it. i left most of my groupchats and removed a ton of people from my instagram (self isolation ftw). i either hate all my friends or i hate myself. most likely both. i really want to get drunk on vodka, it's been so long. i need to get a job. i am tired. i want to start a fight with my friends. i wanna be bitchy. i'm definitely having some sort of episode but i've never felt this way before. guess i unlocked a new level of mental illness. i have an appointment in november with a psychiatrist for an assessment of schizoid pd. i really just wanna get out of my own head, so i've been turning to substance abuse recently. sadly, i am out of substances and underage and have no money and my older friends/family won't get me more because i've been doing it a bit too much. my mind is a very shitty place to be in these days, especially since i am currently also lacking a hyperfixation. no daydreams in my brain to cushion the bad shit.
#limebug.txt#tw vent#tw alchohol mention#tw alcohol#tw substance abuse#tw self destruction#tw isolation#idk what more tws to put#how did i forget that#anyway i am tired and this is all over the place#god i am so tired of it all.#tagging this szpd cause i wanna hear from them#szpd vent#schizoid personality disorder#schizoid#this feels like some type of anhedonia or avolition or something#cause i'm not depressed as such. i don't wanna kill myself or cry or any of my usual depression things#the only thing i am feeling this days is anger at ppl who don't deserve that anger#ugh#i am. Tired with a capital T
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I love rhythm games to death but I'd never played an arcade ones before, I love arcades but I've only been to like Dave and Busters and REALLY old arcade cabinet only ones
I went to a tucked between stores with barely a sign type one with my wife and got to experience a Wacca machine for the first time??? My life is changed, I've unlocked a new level of mentally ill that I can never truly come back from, I eat sleep and breathe thinking of you oh glorious slidy circle game....
#trash keeps talking#i felt like a scene in an anime where a character suddenly feels color in their life#but really neon and eye bleed#i need to go back to that arcade#i need that machine in my home#wacca#arcade#rhythm games
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ive beven Stimming so hard I've heard my joints crack multiple times, decided that I was gonna cut my hair like Bruce and to virtually change career paths to go into film
I have unlocked a new level of undiagnosed mental illness
I watched the batman (2022) Blu-ray extras and I have been so mentally unwell about this movie in the past six hours.
#That last one is partially influenced by this and partially by me rewatching the spiderverse saga in the past week#I'm so gonna fail my exam tomorrow#Solely because I'm thinking about the batman
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You can info dump to me what's on your mind bud
ough thank u
i've been rlly into project sekai lately, which for those who don't know is a rhythm game mobile app that features mainly vocaloid songs and is updated with new songs regularly. i don't really know much about the characters or story because i mostly play the japanese version of the app (gets new songs faster) and my japanese is incredibly limited. but god the fucking gameplay is everything i need in life. i recently discovered that playing rhythm games for like half an hour-ish is like a full mental reset for me which is great for me mental-illness-wise so i've been playing basically every day. it has so many good songs on it tho like from basically every vocaloid producer under the sun, both classic songs and newer stuff, and like a good mix of different vocaloids even. there are some producers i wish they would feature that they haven't yet tho, like maretu or john/tooboe.
anyways, i'm not a very competitive person in general but rhythm games are different to me because i've been playing them since i was really young and they're kinda like, a sensory coping method for me? so i've got all kinds of stupid little things i can brag about, and i like to think i'm pretty good at them. but what's frustrating about project sekai is that it has a gacha aspect to it and different character cards have different skills and capabilities that affect your scores, so it's a bit pay-to-win. at the end of every multiplayer live, the person with the highest score is awarded mvp, but that score is, like i said, impacted by your character cards, so like it's not really an accurate representation of skill. so it would be really annoying to be playing a song with somebody who chooses the same level as you and you get a full combo, but their score is astronomically higher because their cards have better skills/higher skill levels, especially because i don't really care much about the gacha aspect of the game, i just like the songs and the gameplay bc it's basically just music stimming but i get the satisfaction of a score and a letter grade at the end.
but! today i reached player level 50 and unlocked ranked matches, which i didn't know where a thing until today. and they're so cool! you get put up against a randomized opponent (i haven't been able to figure out what criteria they're decided on because i can't read most of the descriptions) with a random song on an (apparently?) random level and you duke it out, but your scores aren't impacted by your cards! they literally just score entirely based on how well you play the song, like how many notes you missed and like how many more "perfect"s compared to "great"s you got than your opponent. and i suck really badly at it lmao i'm not really used to putting extra effort into getting more "perfect"s than "great"s since i'm usually just going for full combos. but i think this will be a great way to work toward improving my skills, and i even won a few matches (although one of them was just because my opponent disconnected, haha).
i don't really get the ranking system yet, but i also have the english version of the game so i'll be able to read all the menus and descriptions there. the only unfortunate part is that i'm only lv27 on the english version and i've had bad luck with cards on that one, so my team's power isn't very high and i can't access the veteran multiplayer room which sucks because it's so much easier to get s grades in there. oh well, that just means i'm not going to be bored with the game for a long time yet, haha.
anyways, thanks for letting me rant, anon! project sekai has been living in my head rent free for weeks now but it's difficult to talk about it with people since i'm mostly just into the gameplay and music so there's not much to say except "there's a lot of good songs" and "there's this mechanic which is fun" lol, but it's still nice to be able to talk about it anyways since i know a lot about, like, rhythm games in general and vocaloids and vocaloid producers and my brain yearns to discuss them in any capacity
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- New Posting Schedule Announcement -
My work schedule has seen some changes recently. This will alter when posts covering new episodes of Ghost Game will go live. The episodes usually air Saturday nights/Sunday mornings, and my posts about them tend to go live Sunday nights/Monday nights. I won't be able to post anything on Sundays or Mondays from now on with my new schedule, so I'm going to start posting Ghost Game content during the following week on Friday nights. Things won't change much, other than the gap of time between new episodes airing and my posts going live, but I felt it was important to bring this up so there wouldn't be any confusion in the future. I didn't want to make an entire post just to make this announcement though, so I've got a game review I've written today to give you some new content to read this week. I've also written it in-character to make it feel more authentic than the last game review I wrote. With that out of the way, onto the review!
𝕲𝖆𝖒𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖊𝖜: ��𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝕸𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖑: 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐 (𝕻𝖑𝖆𝖞𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 2) 💥🔫🚙
𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖗 𝕿𝖚𝖒𝖇𝖑𝖗,
Twisted Metal is a video game series that's near and dear to my cold, black heart. As you probably are already well aware of, I do enjoy a good helping of chaos and destruction. And friends, Twisted Metal is a video game franchise that's built upon those very things. Each game in the series has its own unique flavor; its own tone, personality and setting. Some are more wacky and silly, like Twisted Metal: Small Brawl, with it's pint-sized remote controlled car combat and levels themed off everyday locations such as kitchens, treehouses and playgrounds. Some are a little more serious, with a hint of craziness for good measure; Twisted Metal 2, for example, has levels based off locations all around the world, vibrant use of color and a 90s comic book inspired art style. And then there's Twisted Metal: Black...
Twisted Metal: Black is a game unlike any other in its own series, and even unlike many other games in general. It's a game with a dark, brooding atmosphere that isn't for everyone, and I absolutely love it. Gone are the wacky characters and over-the-top vehicles that were traditionally associated with Twisted Metal, like Grasshopper, Thumper, Hammerhead, Crimson Fury, and even Sweet Tooth himself, as we once knew the character. In their place are disturbing characters with crippling mental illnesses, new vehicles with plenty of rust, damage and practicality in their designs that feel realistic, and a world set in a bleak, grim and depressing universe that gives the Batman Arkham Asylum graphic novel a run for its money. It's not a tone that everyone will enjoy, in fact, I know a lot of people out there that don't enjoy Twisted Metal: Black purely for the complete 180° turn it took the franchise in. But, for a Dark Evolution Digimon like myself, I can't get enough of it. I like my coffee like I like my Twisted Metal, black. 😈 ☕
The characters in Twisted Metal: Black are very disturbing, yet memorable, in a way that compliments the game's tone perfectly. Each of them (except for the unlockable characters) are former patients of Blackfield Asylum, a remote mental institution in a desert in the middle of nowhere. The asylum comes off less like a mental health center and more like a prison, complete with the patients being referred to as inmates. A mysterious man known only as Calypso breaks each of them free, grants them weaponized upgrades to vehicles of their choosing, and offers them a chance at granting a single wish of anything they desire. To have their wish granted, they must win Calypso's free-for-all, battle royale, vehicular combat contest known as Twisted Metal, which takes place in a town near the asylum called Midtown. The twelve asylum inmates set out with their gun-toting cars to eliminate their competition and win their ultimate wish.
Many of the inmates suffer from complex mental illnesses and trauma as a direct result of horrific events they experienced. As Mr. Grimm says during one of his cutscenes, "They say the mind bends and twists in order to deal with the horrors of life. I think my mind bent so much it snapped in two." The same could be said for the entire Blackfield Asylum rogues gallery. Needles Kane (the driver of Sweet Tooth), is an ice cream truck driver turned serial killer clown who killed countless innocent people. During his execution by electric chair, he was cursed by Preacher (the driver of Brimstone) to have an everlasting flame engulf his head as punishment for his sins. (On an unrelated note, a man with a soft spot for sweets AND murder? I think we'd get along famously! 😈) Agent Stone (the driver of Outlaw) was traumatized for years and sent to prison after letting his anger get the better of him. During a tense operation involving a terrorist doomsday cult taking refuge in an apartment complex, Agent Stone, working with a SWAT team, was positioned on a nearby rooftop, sniper rifle in hand. Bitter about how the justice system would likely let the terrorists walk free, he shot everyone he could against his commander's orders, including a woman and her child. He didn't realize what he had done until it was too late. Bloody Mary (the driver of Spectre) spent months trying to pour her heart out in grade school to a boy she fell in love with, only to be called an "ugly fat cow" by him and shoved into a puddle of mud. It was an event that would lead to a downward spiral in her life that eventually lead to her best friend Kristen's wedding. There, while attending as a bridesmaid, Kristen threw her the bouquet of roses she was holding, which made Mary lose her mind and kill everyone there. Billy Ray (the driver of Junkyard Dog) was working on his farm one day when a biplane spraying some sort of chemical flew right over him. The chemicals burned his entire body, and the pain disfigured his face and made him black out. When he woke up and returned home, he saw his wife cheating on him with the pilot who sprayed him with chemicals. He overheard them talking about cashing in on his life insurance policy and went insane, killing his wife and swearing revenge on the pilot who fled the scene. These are just a few of the phenomenally twisted stories you'll find in Twisted Metal: Black. The game's writing is absolutely off the charts, with gripping characters and stories that are rich with emotion, horror and tragedy. They add so much to this game's gloomy atmosphere and they will stick with you forever.
In addition to a wonderfully dark atmosphere and narrative, Twisted Metal: Black features fantastic gameplay. As much as I love the older Twisted Metal games, they didn't always control the best. SingleTrac's games, under the leadership of David Jaffe and Scott Campbell, focused on realistic driving physics that gave the cars a good sense of weight, but made them clunky to drive. Twisted Metal III and 4, made by a new developer (989 Studios), repurposed the physics engine from Rally Cross, a PlayStation racing game. The results weren't too bad, leading to much smoother car control and bouncy physics when ramming into cars, but the feeling of weight was lost in the process. Incognito Entertainment (made up of former SingleTrac developers) finally managed to find the perfect balance of control AND weight, and Twisted Metal: Black, as a result, is a big step forward for the series. Vehicles feel heavy while simultaneously controlling smoothly. You can turn and stop on a dime, using your boost creates a great sense of speed, d-pad button combo moves are simpler and easier to remember than they were in Twisted Metal 2 (especially jumps, which only require pressing L1+R1 to achieve), and best of all, vehicle ramming feels fantastic, with a real sense of weight behind the impact. The pace of the game is extremely fast and frantic as well, much faster than the original PlayStation titles, and the new controls help to make this speedy gameplay easily manageable. In addition to huge polish given to the controls, the game features lots of cool new weapons not found in previous entries in the series. A few of them include Zoomy missiles that shoot out a ton of small homing missiles in a row like a machine gun (similar to Sweet Tooth's Special weapon), Reticle missiles, which require you to keep the enemy vehicle in your sights for a duration of time to increase the number of missiles fired at them (which will backfire and shoot nothing if the timer hits zero), Satellite missiles that go flying into the sky and rain back down in front of you at your command, and my personal favorite, the Gas Cans. Gas Cans are hurled through the air when fired, and you can press the fire button to drop them onto the ground and explode. The colored triangle over enemy vehicles will turn red when your Gas Can is over them, a helpful visual aid to nail some satisfying long distance hits.
Twisted Metal: Black also features a nice selection of battlegrounds to choose from, some of them being absolutely massive compared to levels featured in past Twisted Metal games. Suburbs and Freeway are ginormous levels that make Cyburbia from Twisted Metal 1 feel small by comparison. They have lots of areas and landmarks to explore and gather weapons from, as well as interactive elements like destructible houses and buildings. Suburbs even has a Ferris wheel that will get sent rolling through town if blown up, and Freeway has an actual day/night cycle that looks amazing. Drive-In Movie is even more chaotic than Holland from Twisted Metal 2, with 8 opponents in an even smaller area to battle each other in. It's a real challenge surviving the onslaught of missiles and bombs with every vehicle so close together. Downtown is a really nice updated take on the River Park level from Twisted Metal 1, adding a hidden rooftop section accessible via elevator platforms, traffic cars, and a large number of pedestrians into the mix to make it feel more fresh while still being a nice homage to the original game. In fact, quite a few levels in Twisted Metal: Black feature traffic and pedestrians, which breathe a lot of life into the game's world. And I must say, the atmosphere of the Snowy Roads level in particular is impeccable. The ominous music paired with the blinding white snow, the abandoned restaurant to the north of the map, the big thundersnow cloud slamming lighting bolts down onto enemy vehicles (you can have your 500 million dollar jackpot, or Powerball, or whatever the heck it was, but I'll take this, baby!) and the dangerous cliffs you can fly right off if you're not careful give off a similar vibe to that of the Antarctica level from Twisted Metal 2, with a ghost town twist. Twisted Metal: Black does a great job at taking level design concepts that worked very well from previous games and turning them into something new and more fitting of the game's dreary tone.
The last thing I'd like to talk about with Twisted Metal: Black is some of it's other content worthy of praise. The graphics sport desaturated colors, but at the same time have a lovely attention to detail that you'll find in every vehicle, level, HUD element and menu. The soundtrack by Michael Reagan and Gregory Hainer fits the atmosphere of the game perfectly, and is another element of the game that's crucial to its tone. The tracks from the aforementioned Snowy Roads level give off a vibe of terrifying isolation and pair wonderfully with the actual emptiness of the level. The Suburbs level has a track that's a fantastic remix of the grand, epic tune from the final level of Twisted Metal 1, Rooftops. Not to mention, levels such as Downtown, Skyscrapers and Drive-In Movie have frantic, fast paced tracks to reflect the close quarters nature of the level design, reminding you you're never too far away from your enemies. Twisted Metal: Black also features a variety of game modes to keep you entertained for a long time, either by yourself or with friends. For single player you've got the classic Story mode, Challenge mode from Twisted Metal 2, and a new Endurance mode similar to survival modes found in fighting games. The goal is to kill as many enemies in a row as possible on one life in 1 vs. 1 battles. Multiplayer modes include Deathmatch for 2-4 players, 2 player co-op through Story mode, and Last Man Standing for 2 players, where each player picks a team of cars to fight each other with (one at a time). If you're lucky enough to have the special Twisted Metal: Black Online disc and a PlayStation 2 broadband adapter, you can even play the game online with up to 8 players. The variety of modes present in Twisted Metal: Black is very welcome and will keep you hooked for a long time, especially if you've got friends to play with.
Another great thing about Twisted Metal: Black are the secret unlockables. Each of them is unlocked through cryptic Easter eggs or finding Black Cubes hidden throughout the levels that make exploring them worthwhile. For example, unlocking Yellow Jacket, one of the secret vehicles, requires you to shoot down a plane in the Junkyard level. Upon doing so, the wreckage forms a tunnel that leads to a room where you can find a series of control panels. Shooting one of them reveals Yellow Jacket, which unlocks it. Skyscrapers, the second to last level in Story mode, is unlockable for Challenge mode and the multiplayer modes from a Black Cube. You can find this Black Cube floating way off of Warhawk's Rooftop, the final level in the game. If you go to the helipad in the center of the stage and line yourself up between the two hangers that spawn Tankers on the adjacent building, a quick Turbo boost will give you the speed necessary to reach the Black Cube, at the cost of one of your lives. The Black Cubes and hidden vehicles add a lot of replayability to the game. Personally, I like to turn on the God Mode cheat when looking for the Black Cubes, as they're only obtainable in Story mode and it helps take the pressure off of searching every inch of the level to find them. Speaking of which, Twisted Metal: Black has some really nice cheat codes that make the game a lot easier for those new to car combat games who are trying to learn the ropes. You can make yourself invincible, make your weapons kill everything in one hit, give yourself mega upgraded machine guns, trade the weapons you're holding in exchange for health, and of course, with God Mode you become invincible along with having full upgrades, infinite ammo, and infinite turbo. In addition to cheats, the game also offers three difficulty modes (Easy, Medium and Hard) to give every kind of gamer a challenge level they'll feel comfortable with and enjoy. You can play through the game and watch the cutscenes on any difficulty too, not just Medium and Hard like Twisted Metal 2 forced you to, making the game a lot more accessible for new players. The PlayStation 4 port of the game also outputs to a 1080p HD widescreen resolution that makes Twisted Metal: Black look much nicer on modern displays. It also features Trophies for various milestones and unlocks you'll achieve and collect throughout your time playing, another nice modern touch.
All in all, Twisted Metal: Black is an amazing game that I highly recommend if you have a PlayStation 2 or 4 to play it on. You would think a game so gloomy, sad and depressing would be no fun whatsoever to play (unless you're me, it sounded fun to me the moment I heard about the game 😈), but somehow, some way, Twisted Metal: Black pulls it off. With gripping, emotionally charged, tragic stories, graphics that still hold up well due to the timelessness of the game's dreary art style, fast-paced and responsive gameplay, and a wonderful soundtrack to accompany the rest of the package, the game is worth giving a try, especially if anything mentioned in this review piqued your interest. I hope you enjoyed this week's post, I'll have my usual Ghost Game content return either Friday or Saturday next week and cover the new episode that's airing soon, so stay tuned for that! I'll see you all then, or perhaps even sooner...you never know, I might be right behind you with a Dead-End Skewer at the ready while you're reading this... 😈
𝖄𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘 𝕿𝖗𝖚𝖑𝖞, 𝕲𝖚𝖑𝖚𝖘 𝕲𝖆𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖓
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i've unlocked a new level of mental illness where i can't feel stress anymore my brain simply fogs up and doesn't allow me to think if i get too stressed
#it's been happening for a few days now where everytime i get super emotional my brain just powers off#which is like. cool i guess because i literally can't get anything done when it happens#i have to stop and take some time to physically relax before i can go back to what i was doing#i've also been taking really bad care of myself so i'm putting more energy into better caring for myself#like i haven't been eating or sleeping well or exercising enough and trying to fix it with caffiene or weed#so no wonder i'm shutting down
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