#I've spent over a year playing in that space and I have Thoughts

[stellarish]

What if I made like. A whole powerpoint slideshow about my Tai Sui clothing headcanons and character design notes. Would anyone be interested in that?

I don't know if it actually translates visibly to the doodles I post, but I have spent so much time thinking about like, the fashions of Jinping and how much different characters would and wouldn't conform to them. I could absolutely fill a powerpoint with it.

[caplanbuckybarnes]

She's Like Heroin (bucky)

Summary: you and Bucky have been fighting for MONTHS. And you couldn't figure out why until you catch him trying to leave without saying a word to you.

Warnings: fighting, arguing, crying, mistrust, lies(?), fluff if you squint hard enough

WC: 1.2k

A/N: i've been relocating old tumblr fics of mine from old followers. i had located this one from 2017(!) hopefully, y'all enjoy it!

Read on Ao3!

--

You and Bucky have been a thing for a little over three years now. The Avengers have fallen apart over a year ago, causing you and Bucky to move out of the compound and into a small apartment together. Which would have been completely fine, if the two of you had gotten along recently without fighting every chance you had while the two of you shared the same oxygen.

You couldn’t pinpoint when you had fallen out with him, not really anyway. When the two of you had first started dating, everything was perfectly fine and dandy- happy even, is what you’d call yourself. But, over the last year, after the band had broken apart and gone their separate ways, stress became too much for the pair of you.

You’d started fighting over little things first; the laundry not being done, leftover food in the fridge had gone rotten. Then he’d start complaining about you playing games on his phone. He started getting paranoid, you’d take a gander of guessing.

You’d thought he was only irritated because neither of you had gotten along together. But late at night, you’d hear him in the other room talking quietly on the phone. You’d guessed that he might have been cheating on you, but you couldn’t be too sure on that.

You’d also assumed that all he brainwashing hydra had done to him might have started to come back; he was more angry lately around you. He always mumbled to himself whenever the two of you were around each other.

You’d hated the fact that he was changing so much, so drastically from the Bucky you had fallen in love with. But nothing you had said to him would change anything that happened between the two of you. He was bitter and angry as ever. He was stoic and numb whenever he was forced to speak with you. 

But his mannerisms had changed whenever he were around Steve or Sam, and even Natasha. He was chipper and giddy, smiles and grins and eye twinkles shining brightly in his blue irises. You couldn’t begin to wonder what you had done wrong for him to act so coldly with you.

He’d faked his love for you whenever the opportunity presented itself. He would place his hand on the small of your back and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever the two of you were forced to be around the others.

He would grin his childish grin at you, though you had seen right through it. You knew it was all a facade. You knew he didn’t mean anything of it.  You knew it. You could feel the grip of your dress wherever he planted his hand for that moment. You could sense the loathing radiating from him.

You’d wanted to break it off with him plenty of times. But you couldn’t. He never stayed in your breathing space whenever you were alone long enough for you to get a word out to him.

You’d spent this final night alone, as usual. Bed vacated, silence filling the room. A glass of wine in front of you. The taste of the bitter liquid coating your tongue. Thoughts of him were lost to you as you drained the remaining liquid into your mouth before sulking over to the kitchen sink and rinsing the glass out.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there. Just hold onto it for me, yeah?” His voice spilled into the living room, the front door ricocheting against the wall as he stormed inside.

“Bucky!” You called out in alarm as he made his way into the kitchen; his face had a deep gash on his cheek, his shirt torn in the front, hardly hanging on by a thread. He ignored your call to him as he grabbed for an apple from the center of the kitchen table and made his way up the stairs to the bedroom. 

You followed him in haste, wondering what the hell was going on and why he seemed so distressed and torn apart.

“Bucky?” you repeated, this time, in a softer tone as he made his way into his bedroom and started throwing clothes into a getaway bag.

“I’ll call you when I’m at the airport,” he spoke into the phone before rounding on you. “What?”

“What the fuck is going on?” You asked in exasperation. “Bucky, you’re hurt. Who did this to you?”

“Oh, like you give a shit,” he spat, pushing passed you to collect his armour from the closet. “Go hang out with Natasha, will you?”

“No, Bucky,” you blinked, wondering what the hell was he doing, collecting his tactical gear. There hadn’t been a mission in over six months, not that you nor Bucky would volunteer for it. “What happened to you?” You took a step forward, scared to approach him further as his eyes you wildly for a long monet, standing in the bedroom, painting,

“Zemo’s still around,” he whispered, dropping his shoulders. “I thought T’challa had dealt with him. Apparently the man he had killed was a decoy.”

“And what the fuck are you planning to do?” You shout out to him. “Bucky, if you think I’m letting you go after him alone, you’re off your radar.”

“Like you care,” he spat.

“Bucky, stop this.” You demanded. “You’re the one who started acting differently all those months ago. And you need to tell me why.”

He chewed his cheek for a moment before sighing. “I’ve been after him for a long time coming, Y/N.” He explained. “I know you think I was cheating, or I hated you, but that was never the case.”

“Then what-”

“I tried getting you to hate me so you wouldn’t care if I went after him.,” he explained, returning to packing his bag. “I didn’t want you to get into the crossfire.”

“So that’s why you’ve been so utterly rude and obnoxious?” You scoffed. “You should have just said something to me, Buck. I would have understood. I know what zemo had done to you.”

“You wouldn’t have let me go to him, Y/N. You care for me too much. Sam and Steve have known this for a long time. They helped track him down. And whether you like it or not, I’m leaving for Greece tonight.”

“Like hell you are.” You spat, crossing your arms across your chest.

“I’ll come back to you,” he spoke softer. “Steve would revive me and kill me himself if I died on this mission.”

“Who else knows?” You asked, shifting on your feet.

“Nobody, as far as the team are concerned, I’m breaking up with you.”

“And?” You drew out slowly.

“I’ll return with a clear conscience once Zemo is permanently underground.” He smiled, inching towards you.

“I hate you,” you sighed out as he wrapped a tender hand around your waist. “Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

“Because I can’t lose you, not on a mission like this.” He leaned in for a kiss before he dropped his hands away from you and grabbed for his bag. “I’m meeting Sam and Steve at the airport. We’re not taking the quinjet.”

“Let me drive you?” You offered.

He chuckled. “No, sweetheart. I can’t do that.”

“Please return to me?” 

He nodded before he left the room, leaving you to sit on his bed in silence.

--

please reblog if you enjoyed <3

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[blue-blue-blooms]

A Little Crush   

Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader

Part 1

Summary: In which Eddie develops a crush on the Henderson sister.

You weren't sure exactly when your life had gone to absolute shit. Was it when you found a strange, superpowered adolescent girl living in Mike Wheeler's basement? Was it when you walked in on a baby demogorgan eating your cat? Or was it when you were drugged by evil Russians operating under Starcourt Mall? You couldn't even remember a time when life was normal. If someone had told you that you would become best friends with Steve 'The Hair' Harrington and fight literal monsters from an alternate universe alongside Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan 'The Creep' Byers a few years ago, you would've laughed in their face. Now? You'd survived the most traumatising events of your life alongside these people. You were bonded for life.

The last few years had also made you closer with Dustin. You loved your baby brother and his weird friends, especially since you'd spent so much time babysitting them. But no amount of love could make you say yes to what they were asking of you.

"Please?" Dustin begged, following you down the hallway as you made your way to Ms. O'Connell's class.

"No! I have, like, three essays due this week, Dustin. I don't have the time to sub." You respond.

"It's only for tonight! Lucas can't make it and we really need a sub. We're nearly done with the campaign and Eddie will kill us if we make him reschedule!" Dustin pleads.

You were really happy that Dustin and Mike had found a safe space in high school. Lord knows those two idiots needed it. Freshmen year is probably the toughest of them all. You're new, scared, and lonely. You were really glad that they'd found friends, a place where they could be their nerdy selves and feel accepted. Hell, even you'd dabbled in their interests when you'd babysat them. DnD wasn't half bad, and not nearly as hard to undertand as you once thought. You'd spent many nights in Mike's basement playing with them. The first few times, you'd get your character killed in the first fifteen minutes. But after a while, you started making progress (even though you're convinced that the party was exceptionally lenient with you after you once burst into tears over getting killed off).

"I'll do your half of the chores for a week!" Dustin exclaims.

That makes you stop.

"A week?" You turn around to look at him, "Make it two weeks and I'll sub."

"Two? Are you insane!?" Dustin yells, making a few people lingering in the hallway turn and look at you both.

"Two or no deal, Dusty Buns," You tease, "And be quick, I'm late for my class."

"Fine!" Dustin says, "And stop calling me 'Dusty Buns'"

"Why? Is that nickname just for Suzy Poo?" You tease.

Dustin glowers at you as you walk off.

♡♡♡

"So, who's the DM?" You ask as you walk alongside Dustin and Mike.

"It's Eddie, Eddie Munson. He's a senior. Long hair, wears a hellfire T-Shirt, I talk about him constantly. God, do you ever listen to me?" Dustin claims exasperatedly.

"Oh! Eddie as in your new favorite older male best friend who Steve's weirdly jealous of?" You ask, "I've seen him around. Is he the one who jumps on lunch tables and yells a lot?"

"Yup." Mike responded, "He's a bit scary when he's revved up. Just warning you beforehand in case he comes off...a bit intimidating."

You nod.

"Hasn't he been held back, like, three times?" You ask.

Before either of the boys could answer, you reach the room. The first thing you see is the table where the game is set. There are three boys sat around, all with Hellfire T-Shirts on. Your eyes fleet from one to the other until finally landing on Eddie. You recognise him immediately from the amount of times you've seen him yelling in the cafeteria.

Dustin and Mike failed to mention how cute he was, you think.

His hair was long and wavy. He was wearing multiple rings. And he was covered in tattoos. You're pretty sure you saw a few bats peeking from under his sleeve.

"Who's this?" One of the guys asks, making all three turn around and look at you.

"This is Y/N! She's subbing for Lucas!" Mike says, the words spilling out fast and nervously.

Why the hell are they so jittery?

"Yeah, she's my sister! The one I mentioned a couple days ago." Dustin adds.

"Does she even know how to play DnD?" The other boy asks.

"Okay, excuse me, I wouldn't have come if I didn't know how to play," You finally speak, waving your hand a little to get their attention.

"So, this is your infamous sister?" Eddie finally speaks, his eyes landing on you, "You know, I thought he made you up. What's your class and level? Level One Elf?"

Elf? Is he mocking me?

"Are you mocking me?" You ask incredously.

"Is he mocking me?" you turn towards Dustin and Mike who immediately start gesticulating, probably asking you to shut up.

"My name is Aeren Sirenfall and I'm a level 14 chaotic good half-elf rogue. I will sneak behind any monster you throw my way and stab them in the back with my poison-soaked kukri. And I'll smile as I watch them die a slow...agonising...death." You say, your voice slow and hard as you glare at Eddie, "So, are we gonna play this stupid game or not?"

You're pretty sure you hear one of the boys mutter a 'she's terrifying' to Dustin.

You watch as Eddie's eyes slowly soften and a grin emerges on his face, "Welcome to Hellfire Club."

[hannieoftheyear]

everybody gets horny on halloween (lsm)

Seokmin dressed as a clown shouldn't be looking this hot, but in the spirit of halloween, you let that deep desire come out to life for one night when he bets he's the best kisser out of the whole friend group.

pairing: dokyeom x fem reader

w.c: 7,9k (hoooly shit that's a lot)

genre: college au, basically pwp (minors dni) | content: clown d(ic)k, frat boy dk, he's a dork but also a tease, everyone has a severe case of horniness, alcohol consumption, cursing, this has no business being this long but I just couldn't stop | smut: mutual masturbation, oral (m), fingering, protected penetration (clowns use condoms✊ and so should you).

note: i just know he's the best kisser in svt... you get it. this is the most unserious thing i've written so far, but i ended up really liking it? i might do a christmas version im not sure yet. last thing, I apologize if there are any mistakes🙏

dividers used

Halloween is the one night a year when you can be someone else and not feel bad about it, when you can let your deepest desires get to the surface and let them take over, because, who cares? Right? 

Who cares that you spent half an hour doing shots and discussing your best hook ups with a bunch of girls, which led to them going into heavy detail about their hookups with your best friends and now you can’t forget about it? And now you’re sitting too close to them in a couch too small for the four of you, with vivid images and descriptions of how your friends like to go down on girls and a feeling on the pit of your stomach you can’t shake off? 

It doesn’t help that all of them are dressed like idiots and acting like horny teenagers who desperately want to get laid, but somehow, the costumes work for them. If you weren’t drunk, it would be embarrassing. A potato with stab wounds, a firefighter with a tiger-printed uniform, and a clown that has no sense of style? You can’t be seriously getting the hots for any of them, but you’re not the only one with that issue. 

Earlier, from the kitchen, you could see where they were sitting and how girls went up to them again and again, twirling their hair and biting their lips to get their attention, Chan even going up to his room with one of them. Those things happen at every single frat party, but something about tonight’s is just different. 

Looking around the room, very little people are alone, doesn’t matter the costume. Everyone’s either hand in hand with someone, flirting standing against the halloween decorated walls, taking up space on the other couches making out furiously (Mingyu has been jealously throwing popcorn at one specific couple for over five minutes and they still haven’t noticed), and approximately every ten minutes you see another frat guy going upstairs with a girl. It's not easy not to get horny when this is the vibe you’re surrounded with.  

From the corner of your eye, even with the dark purple and red lighting, you can see a group of girls ogling your friends, probably not pleased at you for keeping them hostage. 

How they all managed to get fuckboy reputations is beyond your comprehension, because they’re still the same boys who like to stay up all night playing videogames and ask you to leave when talking about jerking off, but apparently getting into a fraternity just does that for men. Anywhere you go with them, they always gather a group of girls, and even sometimes boys, gawking at them so furiously you sometimes think they’re capable of undressing them with their stares. And now you’re becoming one of them. Knowing how popular they are and knowing how each of them behave during sex are two fundamentally different things. Sure, you have eyes. You know they’re handsome and hot, but the thought of having sex with any of them never crossed your mind for some reason. 

The effects of your little chat are starting to be obvious as they talk about something right by your side, and your eyes are trained to the way Seokmin’s lips move as he talks, mind going to dangerous places imagining how they would feel against yours. 

The ridiculous make-up he has on accentuates the way his mouth moves in an weirdly enticing way, the red across his lips and the lipstick streaks going down his face drive your eyes instinctively to his lips, and they stay there, like they have a life of their own. His nose is painted red, imitating the fluffy noses clowns usually wear, accentuating one his undoubtedly best feature, and it makes it virtually impossible for you not to focus on his face either way. You wouldn’t mind getting your pale make-up ruined by the cheap lipstick he bought if it meant you’d get to smash your mouths together and test what all those girls told you about him. 

The man in question shakes your leg, his hands on your knee giving you infinite goosebumps, and they’re all looking at you, like they’re waiting for an answer to a question you did not hear. 

“What?” 

“We saw you talking to those girls earlier. Did they say anything about us? Should we go up to them?" Mingyu repeats, his head peaking out from behind Seokmin. 

“They were rating their hook ups with all of you, feedback included.” First mistake of the night, telling them the truth. 

“Really?” Mingyu sounds way too excited hearing your reply. “What did they say?” 

“I bet you think it was good… but I’m not telling you.” 

“C’mon! You can’t just tell us something like that and not follow up!” Soonyoung comes up right behind Mingyu, just as eager. 

“Why do you want to know what a few girls, that you clearly don’t even remember by the way, think about you? All of you already have half the campus waiting for the chance to hook up with you.” 

“This is an opportunity for us to get better! What if Mingyu’s terrible at making out and doesn’t know it?” Soonyoung doesn’t miss the chance to tease the other. 

“Hey!” Mingyu pouts as the others chuckle at his cuteness, “not that you need to know, but I’m actually a really good kisser.” The declaration makes all of you burst out laughing, but it only eggs him further. 

“Yo! I’m being serious! Why don’t you ask your sister?” Soonyoung shuts up instantly, sending Mingyu a death stare, making you and Seokmin die of laughter. He’s been quiet until now but starts clapping to accompany his loud laughter in a second. 

Sitting right by his side, every move Seokmin makes, you feel. His arm brushes against yours every now and then, and you're so close you could prop your legs on top of him if you wanted to sit more comfortably. Even the slightest touches make your tummy do cartwheels. Touches you wouldn’t normally think about twice, as it’s usual for friends to be physically close to one another, but tonight, every touch, graze and glance of his sends electric waves rushing through every vein of your body. 

It can’t be normal. He’s acting goofy like he always is. Nothing in his demeanor changed. He still screams when laughing, claps and moves around when he’s entertained, and sings the songs coming out of the speakers out of nowhere. There’s nothing out of the ordinary besides the ridiculous costume he decided to wear and an uncommon, confident attitude you’ve seen only a few times. 

“Everyone knows that a true good kisser doesn’t say they’re good.” Soonyoung’s still laughing hysterically, but doesn’t miss the opportunity to tease Mingyu further. 

“Ah really? And are you one?” Mingyu replies smugly, trying to set a trap for him, but his plan backfires. 

“Why don’t you ask your sister?” The smile on Mingyu’s face disappears in an instant, triggering another choir of laughter, echoing across the entire room and catching a few stares. 

“Alright, alright.” A sulking Mingyu waits for the laughs to die down, not wanting the conversation to keep going, to not be the center of the teasing for any longer. 

“Wait, guys! Let’s not forget the main issue here. Our dear, dear friend, is keeping important information from us!” You hoped they’d forget about it for a little bit longer, but Soonyoung refuses to let it go. 

“I don’t know, guys, it feels wrong.” It’s not like those girls asked you to keep it a secret, but still. Your gaze connects with Seokmin’s for the first time tonight after you’ve started avoiding him, pleading him with your eyes to help out of the situation, but a voice gets between you. 

“C’mon! You don’t even have to tell us who said what. We only want the feedback.” Mingyu tries again, and it’s a rather good argument. You can get them off your backs, and you don’t reveal the girls’ names. 

You pretend to think about what to say, like one specific thing the girls said hasn’t been plaguing your mind, like you haven’t been thinking about it since you sat by his side, like your stomach doesn’t flip and your ears don’t turn burning red at the single thought of testing if what they said was true. 

“Well, there’s something they all agreed on…” They turn completely silent waiting for you to continue, “since we’re talking about kissing, they all agreed on who’s the best one out of you.” 

Something deep within you heats up with a jealousy you’ve never felt before. So many girls got to kiss him, feel his lips against theirs, his hands on their body, and none of them were you. Curiosity, jealousy, and want all combine inside you. 

“Well? Are you gonna tell us who?” Soonyoung‘s voice brings you back to reality. They’re still looking at you expectantly, small smirks starting to show on their faces, expecting their respective names to be called. 

“It was… Seokmin.” 

The air stills as you pronounce his name, and your eyes grow wide, waiting for their response. Nothing in your line of sight looks useful to relieve the heat growing inside of you at the embarrassment. The two men you didn’t name look at each other with wide eyes, raising their eyebrows before erupting into laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” Seokmin’s voice only makes the sound of laughter grow. “You’re so envious, both of you.” A tinge of pride manages to escape through the tone of his voice. He looks so hot when he’s confident. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, it was just… unexpected.” Soonyoung replies, still cackling. 

“My man! You have to tell us your secrets!” Mingyu teases, fully believing what you said but not stopping his giggles. 

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same Seokmin here?” Soonyoung asks you directly, but you don’t get to answer. 

“I will literally kiss every one of you to prove it, right here, right now.” A sulky Seokmin interrupts the conversation, making a kissy face to Soonyoung, who feigns disgusts and slides away from him. 

Their banter distracts them from your curious form, eyes fixed on Seokmin as he defends himself from the teasing duo. Their voices blur as they become background noise, everything slows down around you, only Seokmin’s face present in your mind, how his eyebrows quirk as he talks, how his nose scrunches at the teasing, the way his soft lips move at every word he pronounces. You realize you’ve never seen him kiss anyone with your own eyes, and thank god for that, because if you’re in this state with only a few references, you wouldn’t be able to manage with visual proof. 

A loud cough distracts you from your train of thought, luckily before your imagination goes too far, but when you focus your eyes, you find the three men staring at you. 

“Fantasizing about something?” Soonyoung asks teasingly. 

“Yeah, about you shutting the hell up.” It comes out a lot more defensive than you want, definitely blowing your cover. 

“If you want him to prove it to you, you can just ask.” Your eyes dart between Soonyoung‘s teasing smirk and Seokmin’s surprised face. 

“Oh shut up.” Heat rushes to your cheeks, and before anyone can see you getting more embarrassed, you get up and start walking towards the empty kitchen. “I’m getting something to drink.” 

The realization hits you right then and there, with all the shouting and laughing on the background, in the dirty kitchen of the frat house. You really, truly, desperately want your clown-dressed fratboy friend to fuck you. Well, not necessarily fuck you – even though you wouldn’t be opposed – but at least kiss you dumb until you can’t feel your lips anymore. 

The poorly-lighted kitchen is sadly not empty, currently occupied by at least three couples making out, but you’ve learned to ignore them for tonight. The lonely bottle of water at the back of the fridge calls your name, and it might just be the only thing able to drag you back to earth and lower the little drunkenness left in your system. You can’t be fantasizing like that, not about one of your best friends, and especially not in front of him! 

You’re still standing with your shoulder against the fridge as you try to fill your brain with any other thought that isn’t Seokmin’s mouth on yours and his big slim hands pushing you against him. It’s not working, and the universe taunts you further. The door opens, revealing that same clown costume invading your every thought. He stands by your side without saying a word and takes the water bottle out of your hands after you’ve gulped down half of it. 

“Are you okay?” His voice startles you. But he sounds caring, and it just sends you down the spiral again. You don’t want to face him. Not right now. Not ever. 

“Yeah, sorry for rushing off like that…” Your voice trembles slightly as he takes a few steps and stands in front of you, forcing you to look at him. 

“They can go overboard sometimes.” He sounds actually worried, and it just makes you want him more. He cares about you, and he’s hot, and you’re surrounded by couples making out! It’s too much. 

“I just wanted them to drop the topic.” No more than a few words manage to mumble out of you. You feel so stupid. Never in the history of your friendship were you ever nervous to talk to him. Fuck those girls for talking so casually about guys, fuck them for putting those thoughts on your mind, fuck them for being the ones who can experience getting kissed by him. 

“Maybe they would’ve let it go after a few minutes.” Panic sets in as his words register on your brain. Shit, you’ve made him uncomfortable by putting him on the spot. 

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“Don’t worry, you didn’t. I don’t actually care what they think about it, they’re not the ones I’m kissing after all.” He tries to calm you down with a joke and you chuckle back as a reply, but your stomach does a funny little jump at the mention of kissing. 

“It’s the only thing I could think of so it kinda just spilled out, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.” You try to justify yourself and apologize once again, but Seokmin stopped listening after the first part of your sentence. 

“The only thing you could think of? Why?” Something in the tone of his voice sends warning signals to the rational part of your brain, but it's already too dizzy to understand. 

He takes half a step forward, looking at you intensely, like he’s Pennywise, and he wants to have you for dinner. You’d let him. 

“I-I- I don’t know…” His sudden closeness makes a blank slate of your brain. He’s getting ever so slightly closer by the second, almost entering your personal space, and words take you double the time to process, like you’re just learning how to speak. “It surprised me.” 

He places his hands on your side, caging you against the counter, forcing you to keep looking him in the eyes. His body heat embraces you, warming up your own body until red can be seen even under your white makeup. Is this how he usually flirts? Is this what all those girls felt? He’s taller than you, so naturally, you have a perfect view of his lips. Lips that move, asking something you don’t get to hear, too entranced in the way they quirk with each word to pay attention to anything else. A smirk begins to show on his face. He’s definitely noticing his effect. 

“You don’t think I can be a good kisser?”  

Does his smirk have superpowers? The clown makeup only seems to make it hotter, and you can’t look away. It’s hypnotizing, calling to you to fulfill your desires. 

“Do you care what I think about it?” What he said before about not caring resonates in your brain. 

“It depends.” His dark eyes dart down to your lips as his face gets closer to yours, so close your noses bump into each other. 

“On what?” You manage to breath out. Your eyes flutter closed instinctively, waiting for him to finally connect your lips and end your suffering. But you feel nothing besides his breath fanning over your lips. 

“You know, Soonyoung was right before.” His voice makes your eyes fly open. His face is still only a couple of inches away from yours, but his smug expression tells you you’ll have to work for what you want. “If you want me to prove it to you, you just gotta ask.” 

You can feel his hands right beside yours on the counter surface, his skin calling for your touch. Does this mean he wants to kiss you too? If all it takes is you asking for it... 

“What makes you think I even want that?” His smirk doesn’t even come close to twitching at yours words. 

“So, we’re just gonna pretend you weren’t drooling over me before?” Yeah, you were caught, right in the act, and there’s no way out. If you back out now, your chance will be lost, and it will forever be awkward for the both of you to interact after this. 

“I wasn’t drooling…” He doesn’t believe you, and you don’t either. “I was just thinking about the information I was given.” 

“And did you come to any conclusion?” You’re sure you’ve never felt this kind of closeness before. Not even the ugly jacket he’s wearing is capable of breaking the spell casted by your personal spaces fusing together. The drunk dizziness left your body a long time ago, only leaving Seokmin’s effects to play with your body. You crave more of him. Your hands fly away from the counter down the hem of his clown t-shirt, playing with it as Seokmin's levels of confidence reach a new peak. 

“Yeah…” A shiver runs down your spine and to your core at the feeling of being observed by him. His hands place themselves on both sides of your hips, making you almost stutter your words. “That I’m the best person you could ask for advice.” 

“Right… and why is that?” He nods tauntingly, smirk getting wider as his eyes focus on your parted lips. 

“First, I’m always the first one to tell you when you make a mistake, so you know I won’t lie, and secondly, I just think it would be fair for me to know,” your words make him chuckle and your stomach contracts. Fuck, you really love that sound. “If every girl on campus gets to know, then I should too, right?” 

“Know what exactly?” 

“H-how,” He really got you. You can’t even say it. 

“How, what? How I kiss? You have to use words, baby, tell me what you want.” If he could hear the way your heartbeat speeds up at the pet name, you’d fall right to the floor out of embarrassment. 

A look around the kitchen to check if it’s a safe space calms you down. The couples making out are all long gone, and you haven’t been paying much attention to your surroundings beyond Seokmin's body, but you realize people haven’t been entering the kitchen for a while either. It’s now or never. 

“Fine,” you let him win, but not without rolling your eyes, “can you kiss me?” 

“Hmm, you can do better than that.” He’s still playing his little game, waiting for you to say what he wants. You lay your hands on his chest, learning at the worst time possible that he’s actually quite ripped, and you forget his game, and your surroundings, and your worries. 

“I want you to kiss me, and if you don't do something in the next two seconds, I swear I'm leaving this fucking party and never speaking to you ag–” 

First, you feel his fingers on your chin, tilting it up to reach his height, and then he presses his lips against yours, so softly you can’t fathom him being the same person that was teasing you just a second ago. Both of your hands fly to the back of his neck, pushing him harder against you as your lips start to move. He reciprocates immediately, moving his lips over yours with a sweetness that would drive a diabetic straight to the hospital. 

You get drunk of the feeling of him, deepening the kiss far more than you first intended as his mouth leads yours like as he wishes, and his hands sneak to the sides of your waist. It’s not messy nor rough like you’re used to with other men, on the contrary, Seokmin takes his time savoring the raw skin of your lips, a tender deepness that keeps you in for more. 

The last bit of air in your lungs leaves you as a sigh, and Seokmin separates from you just in time before you pass out in his arms due to the lack of oxygen. You absentmindedly chase his lips, but he doesn’t smirk cockily like you expected and just glares at you, his eyes dark and clouded with something you’ve never seen in him, and lips parted with red lipstick smeared around them. 

Only breathing sounds are heard for a second before you’re both smashing your mouths together again. No time for thinking about how this will affect your friendship, letting yourselves dwell in this newfound desire. 

He dominates the new kiss immediately, his hands pushing you against him even more if possible. There’s no softness this time, nothing to prove, only lust and want pushing your bodies closer and closer until there’s no space left. Your nose brushes against his when he switches the angle, lighting a fire all the down to your core. But he’s still not rough. He moves with a controlled power that makes you whimper on his lips. It is the perfect opportunity for him to finally sneak his tongue and tangle it with yours. 

You welcome the intrusion eagerly, sighing on his lips again as he explores to his liking. His hands don’t stay put and travel to your thighs to effortlessly lift you on top of the counter. Your legs open, welcoming him to slot between them, and his groin hits just on the crevice of your inner thigh. 

Sounds are made that shouldn’t be heard in any public place when Seokmin bites on your lower lip, but he drinks them all in, his mouth not letting your little moans reach to any other ears beside his. His hands grope your thighs, bringing you closer to his growing hard, nearly desperate for more friction, but he explores more of your body with the same attitude, like he wants you to feel him everywhere. Your arms wrap around his neck and flush your chests together, and the plastic hair of the clown wig tickles on top of your skin, but it doesn’t prevent you from caging him against your body so the kiss never ends. 

A loud shattering sound makes you break apart, both of you worried trying to locate the source, but it luckily didn’t come from inside the kitchen, still empty as it was earlier, and when you look back at each other, eyes wide and jaws slightly hanging, realization hits the both of you simultaneously. 

“Fuck!”, “Holy shit.” 

While your reaction leans more to a ‘fuck, you’ll never be able to forget about this', his sounded more of a ‘holy shit, that really happened’. 

“You’ve been keeping that from me this whole time!?” Your question creates a smugness in his face that weirdly sends a wave of arousal through your body. 

“You could’ve always known, if you asked.” There's something more to what he’s saying, more than a reference to what Soonyoung said earlier. “So, what do we do now?”

“We’re gonna leave this gross kitchen, sneak past everyone on the living room, and then you’re gonna take me up to your room.” The words leave your mouth firmly, confidently, like you’re not proposing to change your friendship forever, like you’re not about to shit your pants waiting for his reaction. 

“Are you serious?” 

“You don’t want to? Fuck, this is embarrassing.” And your fantasy has come to an end. It was good, it served its purpose. Now you’ll just have to figure out how to transfer universities and get a new group of friends as quick as tomorrow. 

“Wait!” His loud, almost desperate voice makes you remove your hands from your face. You’re positive your blushed state can be seen from a mile away, but he seems more worried about what you said than anything else. “Yes, I want to, so badly.”

A breath you didn’t know you were holding escapes your lungs as you scrape your runaway plans. He notices you visibly relaxing and grabs your hand, which shouldn’t feel electrifying, especially not after exchanging saliva for a hot minute, but it still sends goosebumps across your arms and chest. He makes sure to peek his head out the door to check if the way’s clear, and you only hear a light chuckle before he fully opens the door to let you through behind him.

The few people left in the living room don’t know you. They’re either too drunk, too high, or sliding their tongues down someone else’s throat to even care about you. Mingyu’s long gone, leaving Soonyoung on the couch with a girl dressed like a tiger sitting on his lap, mouths attached, and making sounds you wish you could unhear.

Going up the stairs, you catch your reflection on a small dirty mirror hanging on the wall. You’re lucky none of your other friends saw you in this state cause you'd be subjected to lifelong bullying –lovingly they'd say. Your make-up is ruined. Not only is there red lipstick smeared all around your lips and chin, there’s also a stain on the tip of your nose. Your hair is completely disheveled, and if you were to check your outfit, you’re sure you’ll find your black dress wrinkled up far more than what would be considered decent in public.

But none of that really matters. Not when Seokmin leads you through the path of caution tape and forbidden sings covering the entire second floor. Not even when you finally reach his door, breathing heavily and still holding hands. And especially not when you finally enter his room and he traps you against the door as he closes it shut.

Your mouths are quick to find each other again, lips moving against the other, so naturally you’d think you have been doing this for years. You hurriedly take his wig off and throw it somewhere on the floor, revealing his beautiful hair ready to be tangled in between your fingers. He wastes no time and presses himself against you, letting you feel how hard he already is as his tongue finds its way inside your mouth again.

You moan freely in his arms, a new sound escaping you every time his hands find another sensitive spot anywhere on your body, and now that you’re really alone and the music isn’t blasting right beside your ears, you can hear the sounds he makes too. Every time you suck on his bottom lip, he lets out the tiniest whimper, that he fights to hold back and keeps failing, and sends a wave of arousal all the way down to your core, making you grind on his hard length and encouraging him to kiss you harder.

Harder and down your jaw and neck, kissing and nibbling your sensitive skin that isn’t painted for your spooky makeup, while his hands travel up your torso and cup your covered boobs.

Your hands find their way inside his colorful jacket, forcing him to take his hands off of you so you can slip it off, but not daring move his lips off your skin. His mouth works relentlessly on every part of your neck he can reach, and you’re discovering there’s more things he can do with it than just making out. You claw your nails on his newly discovered biceps when he lightly bites on the uncovered skin above your clavicles. It’s unbelievable how he manages to hide his gym body under his usual comfy clothes.

“Before we do anything, can I ask you what you’re supposed to be dressed up as?” The question takes you by surprise, and he’s serious about it too. But with the feeling of his lips still lingering on every bit of skin of your neck, it takes a second to find the answer in your mushy brain.

“Wh– I'm Morticia Addams! I thought it was obvious?” Seokmin takes look up and down your body –as best as your closeness lets him, and nods with a raise of eyebrows, which would’ve had your legs turn into jelly a minute ago, but you’re too confused by his sudden intervention. “Fuck, you ruined the moment.”

“Did I?” In the most cliché way possible, he flutters his eyes closed as he gives you a peck on the lips, and then on the corner of your mouth, and on your left cheek, leaving you sighing for more. He kisses his way up to the shell of your ear, his breath tingling lightly as he parts his lips to whisper in your ear. “You looked really fucking hot, but I think you’ll look even better with this off.”

Your skin lights on fire under his fingers as he runs them up your thighs and inside your dress, lifting it slowly. His words and actions take a second to match in your brain, but as soon as you understand, you’re holding your arms up, ready to finally have the skin to skin contact you crave. You’re left only in your underwear, but he’s still fully dressed, and before he resumes his ministrations on your body, your hands start lifting up his shirt so he takes the hint.

How your eyes don’t pop out of your face seeing Seokmin’s defined chest for the first time will remain a mystery. A quiet curse leaves your lips, which you only know he heard because he chuckles before lifting you up by your thighs and heading to his bed.

He drops you softly on the mattress, and you prop on your elbows to admire him as he takes his pants off. He’s always been reserved with his body, never taking off his shirt, even at the pool or the beach. And you’re not going to deny and say that the thought of what he’d possibly look like under his baggy clothes never crossed your mind, but the reality knocks your imagination right out of the park.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You’re staring shamelessly, and his boxers tighten under your lust-filled gaze.

“I’ve never seen you so… naked before.”

“I’m guessing this is a good reaction?”

“You’re really fucking hot,” Seokmin crawls on top of you, his buff arms at both sides of your head and his hips between your legs, grinning at your words but not stopping your rambling yet, “like, you should just go around naked all the time, people deserve to see this.”

“You’re exaggerating.” In an attempt to shut you up, he lowers his head and starts a trail of kisses down your neck, his lips grazing your skin on the way down and giving you goosebumps.

“I’m not. I’m serious. I think you sh–” His fingers ghost over your damp panties, finally succeeding in deleting the stream of words coming out of your mouth.

“You think I should what?” You lift your hips to try and get more friction, but he removes it and pins you down with a cheeky grin as he looks at you again.

You feel his smirk against your hip bone, and a sigh leaves your mouth as his hand makes a comeback and presses his fingers harder against your core. But the closeness of his mouth to your covered folds sends one singular warning signal to your brain. And you decide to listen to it. “What are you doing?”

“I really want to eat you out right now.” Fuck. His dark eyes look at you so intensely, smirk widening as he most definitely feels the new rush of wetness damping your panties further.

“Shit, fuck,” the need for his tongue is so bad, your walls tighten over nothing, “I can’t, not with that makeup all over your face, I’m not about to get an infection.” His face just above your core, his breaths fanning over your wet panties making you shiver, is something you’ll never forget. It pains you to reject the best offer you’ve ever been given.

“That’s fine, I’ll do it next time.” He doesn’t give you the chance to process what he said, immediately aiming to kiss your neck again. “What should I do then?”

“I think you should get over here. Now.” He’s so close his chuckle reverberates through your whole chest. “And put that hand to use.”

Somehow, you find the strength to sound as serious as possible while you pat the empty spot beside you on the mattress. He complies with what you ask quickly, taking off your panties in a swift motion and circling around you to kneel by your torso, his hand never leaving his claimed spot on your inner thigh.

His hard strains under his boxers, and it’s so close to your head, so ready for your hand to take, so that’s what you do. Your touch over his clothed bulge makes him let out a long groan, followed by his hand sneaking down your body. The coldness from his middle finger sliding against your wet folds sends shivers up your spine, getting a breath caught in your lungs. You can’t speak, and the light teasing touches his other hand scatters across your bare chest aren’t helping.

Before he starts playing with your cunt, you use all your willpower to grab the fabric of his boxers and yank them down. A wave of arousal pulses out of you at the sight, his dick standing tall, pink and proud before your eyes, glistening from the precum already smeared on the tip. And just when he begins collecting the juices coming out of you, you swirl your tongue around his tip.

From your position, you have to wrap your hand around the base of his cock your mouth can’t reach. An unholy sound comes out of him, sensitive from being hard and caged in his pants for so long, and his hand falters against your needy core. Every sound of his encourages you more and more, you want to hear more, you want to make him feel good. And the more length you suck into your mouth, the more he presses his wet fingers against your clit, it’s a perfect combination.

You look up to find him already staring at you, his make-up smeared around his face, all because of you, not fully believing what’s happening. As you bob your head up and down his tip, his hips buck into you just as he pushes two fingers into you.

Your warm walls welcome the intrusion, ready for whatever pace he wants to set. And oh boy, does he. The wetness gushing out of you nonstop makes it easy for him to thrust his fingers in and out of you at the speed of light. Your mouth stops working, lips parted and moaning uncontrollably as you do your best to drag your hand up and down his cock to give him at least some of the pleasure back.

His fingers are so long, they reach places your hand could only dream of, slowing down and finding every spot that makes you squirm and clench around them embarrassingly fast. He’s slow but hard, letting the palm of his hand press against your clit before he slides out. It's dizzying, and your legs start feeling wobbly and threaten to close around his arm the second he finds your gspot and starts abusing it.

A stream of curses and praises mumbles out of you, and it barely makes any sense in your head, but his hand speeds up, drilling into you with a newfound energy. You’ve stopped touching him at this point, but Seokmin’s still so hard, getting off on your pleasure. He delights himself in the way your walls clamp around his fingers, feeling every new wave of wetness that coats them every time he reaches your sensitive spots.

The little control left you have over your body starts faltering, your stomach tightens, your hips grind against his fingers searching for more, even if you can’t handle it, and your legs begin trembling. Everything part of a chain reaction that culminates as he adds a third finger, finally getting you to the edge.

It hits you powerfully, making you lose control of your body as your legs shake and you spasm around his fingers that are somehow still sliding in and out of you, helping you ride out the earth-shattering orgasm.

“Fuck!” You breath out, voice hoarse, hinting that you might’ve screamed a little louder than usual.

“That was so fucking hot.” Seokmin slots between your legs again, his boxers nowhere to be seen, his cock slapping against his abs and barely grazing your sensitive cunt.

“You thought that was hot? You got me to like, another astral plane just now.” You’re so comfortable with him that the honesty just slips out. Does it really matter if it makes his ego grow? “The rumors are true.”

“Rumors?” His fingers run freely on your waist and the sides of your back, feeling your skin against his, touching and fondling where he pleases.

“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you, not only about kissing.” The reminder of the kissing makes you blush, silly now that he’s literally had his fingers inside you just a moment ago.

“Really? What else have those girls told you?” Feathery light kisses up your chest and jaw make a million butterflies erupt in your stomach. He’s so captivatingly close to your lips, you’re ready for another round again.

“Hmm, let’s not talk about you fucking other girls when you could be fucking me.” Reality hits him as you pronounce those words. “Where do you keep your condoms?”

“Right, right, right.” It's like his teasing persona fades off as he clumsily gets off the bed to look for them, in a rush and forgetting to avoid some of the things scattered on the floor.

With the shiny packet in his hand, he’s back between your legs like Flash, opening it and sliding the condom on his still fully erect dick in record time. You wrap your arms around his neck, and your legs hug his hip right against your once again needy core, and he’s about to lose his mind.

“Are you sure you want this? Like sure sure.” Where does this hesitation come from? You scan his eyes and his expression for answers, and he silently awaits your answer.

“Did what just happened not answer your question?” One of your hands sneak between your bodies, grabbing his cock and pressing it against your wet folds, earning a pretty sigh from him.

“I just– fuck, I wanna hear you say it.” His hips get a life of their own, sliding in between your cunt and your hand, covering his cock in all your wetness.

“Say what? That I want your cock inside me?” He twitches at your words, his hips faltering and moving his tip closer to your hole. “That I want you to fuck me?”

Your words flip a switch inside him. His eyes darken right before your gaze, and you don't register when his hands hold your legs up and place your calves on his shoulders. And you're at his mercy instantly.

“I want you to beg.” His voice sounds lower, deeper than you’ve ever heard. His length drags against your folds one last time, collecting his last coat of arousal before giving in and pushing his tip barely inside your hole. “Beg for me to fuck you until your legs give out.”

He alternates between sliding his tip inside of you just enough to have you craving for more, and removing it to tease your sensitive clit further. Begging for him is not going to be a problem.

“Fuck, I want you to fuck me, please. I need you.”

The stretch is immediate. Everything about him is big. His arms holding your legs up, his thighs on both sides of your hips, and his cock opening you up, making you lose your breath for the tenth time tonight. Your walls slowly welcome him in, like molding to his shape, and when he bottoms out, you both let out long groans.

You can’t talk. You can’t even breathe as he starts thrusting his cock in and out of you, hitting your deepest spots back and forth, slowly getting to know what makes you react. And for the first time in his life, he was speechless too.

The way your walls hug him as if to keep him there forever, sucking him in deeper and deeper with every thrust. Your legs quiver every time he pounds into you so deep and rough that his thighs slap against yours, and your nails claw just above his knees, leaving marks only he’ll be able to see.

“Pussy so tight, fuck.” He mumbles more to himself than to you, but your body registers his words and clenches around him harder. “Taking me so well, so wet, can’t believe it.” He's barely making sense, but the choked up sentences he manages to let out have the exact intended effect.

You can’t answer, and even if you could, you don’t know what unholy sounds would come out instead of words.

The wet squelching sounds eager him to go faster, harder, and he lowers his torso until your knees touch your chest and his arm that’s holding them presses against your tummy. His face is so close to yours, yet you can’t kiss him. His relentless rhythm doesn’t stop, jolting your body upwards with every hard thrust. Your instinctive reaction is to look away and close your eyes, but he won’t allow it.

His free hand grabs your jaw and forces you to look straight at him. Maybe he said something, but you can’t hear him, not when his cock hits so deep inside you, you feel him on your throat.

“I’m c-close.” Your voice comes out so small you fear he won’t hear you either.

But his arm frees your legs, and as you open them to wrap around his waist and push him deeper against you, his newly free hand creeps down your body. His finger toys with your clit so fast, you barely have time to comprehend what’s happening. You hold his face close to yours, eyes connected with his as you let out a string of screams and moans as you come undone.

He pounds you hard, and your walls clamp around him so much that he has to hold your hips in place with both hands. The room becomes a blurry mess as he prolongs your orgasm, thrusting and pounding into you, searching for his own.

“Come inside me, please, I wanna feel you.” His hips stutter against you, and a guttural moan escapes out of him as a response.

The feel of his cock twitching inside you, spilling into the condom as your walls hug him tight, will be tattooed on your mind forever.

His body falls on top of you, breathing heavily as his face hides on the crook of your neck. You stare at the ceiling, thinking of every possible outcome after this. But your thoughts come to an end as a pair of plush lips press against yours gently.

“You okay?” Seokmin’s shiny eyes look at you softly.

“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.” He slowly slips out of you to lay by your side, making you both wince.

“You’re not regretting it, are you?”

“No, actually, quite the opposite.” You’re afraid to look at him. To see his reaction to your pseudo-confession.

“Thank god, because there’s no way I could live with this only being a one-time thing.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“Seriously, it was so much better than my imaginat– shit.” He shuts up immediately, blowing his own cover. He puts his boxers back in a hurry while you process his words.

“What?! You’ve thought about this before?” That alone has you ready for another round.

“Fuck, you weren’t supposed to know, but yeah.” You fight another chuckle, not wanting to make fun of him, but he takes notice and continues to explain. “You have no idea how hot you look all the time, it messed with my head! Stop laughing!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry, you look funny with the make-up ruined across your face.” You couldn’t hold back, and also, making him focus on something else might distract him from your blushed face and your heart racing.

“You look the same, by the way!” he says on his way to his connected bathroom.

“It’s your fault!” You shout back even though you don’t really care that your make-up’s ruined. “I'll just take it off before going to sleep.”

“Yeah, about that.” You think he’s about to ask you to sleep over, but one look at where he’s standing tells you the real reason. The soap all over his face and hands is stained pink, and even if he’s covered with pinky foam, you can see his worried expression. “This is not washing off.”

You run over to him after putting on one of his big t-shirts pooled over one chair by the bed, ready to look in the mirror and see just how much worse your face looks compared to when you left the kitchen. Seokmin’s drying his face off as you take in all the redness on yours. It’s going to fade eventually, right? After a few washes? At least you don’t have classes for two more days.

In the midst of your panicking, the door to the room shoots open, revealing Soonyoung with the couch girl. He sees Seokmin coming out of the bathroom and quickly realizes he’s in the wrong room.

“What the hell man!”

“Shit, sorry bro, thought it was my room.”

“Who was tha–” You stop in your tracks coming out of the bathroom.

Silence fills the room for the number of seconds it takes Soonyoung to analyze the situation. Seokmin in his underwear and you coming out of his bathroom with only a big t-shirt, both of you with matching red stains on your faces.

“Holy shit! I knew it! I can’t believ–“ He gets cut off by Seokmin shutting the door on his face.

You stare at him. And he stares at you. And Soonyoung‘s voice echoes through the hallway until he finally gets inside his actual room.

“He’s never going to leave us alone is he?”

“Nope, we'll have to own up to it.”

note: heyyyyy... I'm posting late i know... I forgot I had two final essays to write and had to prioritize them... but hey at least there's still one halloweekend left! halloween season it's not over

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 4: The Sweetest Thing to Ever Scare You (Finale)

Ellie Williams x reader

I remember when I first saw you. I remember looking into your warm almond eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach. But soon, when I looked into your eyes, I no longer felt the same warmth that I once knew. It felt as though you had killed all of the butterflies inside my stomach but yet, I still loved you.

Premise: You and Ellie are childhood best friends until you drift apart. Funny thing about soulmates is they tend to find their way back to each other. You and Ellie try to end the tireless war between you.

Warnings: Angst / drinking / violence / not really religious mentions in this one

Part one here!

Part two here!

Part three over here!

Guys I thought I posted this two days ago but I actually just saved it to drafts. Sorry for being an idiot lmao

I think that I have unlearned how to love.

That’s not even a word but there is no other way to tell you that I have turned myself cold.

Without partying to distract me and religion to fill in gaps of emptiness, I isolate myself and begin to write once again. I'm almost certain that my body has been telling me to write, that I need to pour myself into art as opposed to a girl I was friends with a million years ago.

I figure that I need to create rather than destroy but it might take me a while to do so.

The morning after I abandoned my faith on the church floor, I had woken up and expected Ellie to be gone, however, she was wide awake and playing subway surfers on her phone. Her hair is messy and her eyes are half-lidded. 

She turns to look at me when she feels the shuffling of the bedsheets; despite her doing nothing more than smile at me it is like an understanding passed between us, war is over.

Almost.

It's like I've forgotten how to be soft, I can't manage to get the words out that I need to, and the thought of it alone makes me cringe. "Breakfast?" I ask, unsure of what else to say.

Ellie passes on it and I awkwardly excuse myself, saying that I got called in to take a brunch shift at work. Of course, this is not true. What I do is get into my car and drive and drive until I get mad at myself for burning gas. 

The war between Ellie and I had ended but it didn't register in my head, I almost fell in love with it. Without the constant arguing and passive aggressiveness, there was nothing to put a wall between us and I wasn't ready to be vulnerable again. 

So I begin to feed Ellie the ugliest parts of me; I show her everything I'm sure she will hate but she doesn't, she's patient and shows me the kindness I have been looking everywhere for. Still, I am cold to her, I don't know what else to do. 

I try to push her away all over again but this time, she doesn't let me. Ellie comes into my room when I'm studying to sit on my bed so that she can be in proximity to me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want to go for a walk or a late-night gas station run, all of the things we used to do.

When I'm angry at her, she lets it happen, she won't escalate the fight all she does is apologize and does what she can to fix it. Everything feels like it's in order again, Joel even starts to send me little text messages to check in on me and sends me Facebook memes that make him think of me.

As of now, we are setting up for Dina's twenty-first birthday. The living room, typically a space for casual gatherings and movie nights, had undergone a transformation. Vibrant streamers adorned the walls, and an array of balloons in assorted hues scattered themselves along the floor "Are balloons too childish?" Abby asks as she walks out of her bedroom.

"They better not be after I just spent half an hour doing all of these," Cat answers, giving her a scornful glare.

"They look great, Cat," I smile and give her a thumbs-up from where I am in the kitchen dumping bags of chips into bowls. "Should I make a veggie platter?"

Cat furrows her eyebrows "If you can finish it by yourself, sure."

"Cat, we aren't children, adults eat vegetables," Abby takes a seat on the couch behind Cat, investigating the hard work she's put into making the living room look nice for just one night "Isn't it weird that Dina is organizing her own surprise party?"

I shrug, placing a wooden cutting board down on the kitchen counter "I don't blame her, I don't think we've always been one hundred percent reliable, me specifically."

"But it's not a surprise if she knows about it."

"So?" Cat asks.

"So why are we calling it a surprise party if it isn't a surprise?"

"Why not?"

"Well, why can't we just call it a party?"

"I don't think it matters," I cut in, I begin to peel carrots and slice them up into quarters. Ellie comes out of her bedroom, she took a nap after completing her physics presentation, her hair in a messy bun, and she's in her typical pyjama uniform of sweats and a hoodie. "Hey, Ellie," I smile at her.

She rubs some sleep away from her green eyes "Hey," Ellie walks over to the kitchen island where I slice and chop vegetables and sits right in front of me. Even half asleep she looks like a statue of marble carved by a skilled hand.

Abby raises an eyebrow, asking 'When did you guys become friends?' without saying it and then it hits me like the plane in Lost. Ellie still hasn't told anyone about our history, our sixteen years of friendship is invisible to the eyes of those who think they know us well.

I'm broken from my thoughts when Abby speaks up "When are you picking up the cake?"

My heart drops "I'm not?"

Cat and Abby cast one another side glances while Ellie snatches a cucumber off my cutting board "Dina was handing out duties and you said you would take care of the cake."

I freeze, unsure of what to say "Nuh-uh." I shake my head like a child denying blame for breaking her mother's favourite dish.

"Yuh-huh," Cat shoots back. "How could you forget that?"

My mind fumbles for an excuse and somehow I land on "I forgot because I went temporarily insane from Lyme disease," What am I saying? "I got Lyme disease because I go camping in secret," I don't camp "And I never told you guys that I go camping because I'm deeply ashamed of it."

Now everyone looks perpetually confused, Ellie included "What are you talking about?" Abby asks, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay-well," I place my knife flat on the counter by the wooden cutting board, ignoring the odd spiel I just went on "I'm going to drive to-

"You dropped your car off for a suspension repair yesterday," Abby reminds me.

"Ellie is going to drive me to get a cake," I correct myself "I will be back to finish making my veggie plate." I quickly rinse my hands before grabbing Ellie's keys from the little jewelry dish on the island and yank the sleeve of her hoodie to pull her along.

Ellie doesn't say anything, she slips into some Crocs and we walk outside to her car. "Where are we headed?"

"Uh, hang on," In Ellie's passenger seat, I go on Google Maps to look up the closest bakeries that are still open at this hour, there are two, one a couple of streets away and the other one is across town and closing in twenty minutes. "Infectious Confections," I wrinkle my nose "That's a weird fucking name."

While Ellie tries to make conversation in the car I only speak when giving her directions to the bakery. She knows something is up and I can tell by the way she keeps glancing at me. I just can't manage to get it out of my head that she's still keeping me a secret. 

She pulls up to the bakery and I get out before she even turns her car off, she pulls the keys out of the ignition and trails behind me through the doors.

The bakery itself was rustic and clean, there were two display cases and tills one of the displays held danishes, croissants, cookies, scones and whatever those little swirly flakey things are called. The other display had a big chalk menu above it that read 'Cakery' Though what was in the display case was very sparse.  

"Hi," I walk up to the till, putting on the friendly smile and customer service voice that I usually only use at work. "This is pretty short notice but I was wondering if you had any cakes left or if I could get one made for today?"

The guy behind the counter is a scrawny teenager who looks like he has had a long enough day of dealing with annoying customers "We close in half an hour, there's not enough time to bake and decorate a cake." He explains it like he's said this to a million people, he's bored of the same phrases that his manager has scripted out for him.

"Any shot that someone didn't pick up their cake?" I ask, fingers crossed in the hope that he says yes.

"Let me talk to my manager," His voice drags on, and he turns around and disappears through a commercial kitchen door. I wait patiently, hands balled together in front of me as I rock back and forth on my heels. A minute or two later he comes back holding a bright blue cake with pink detailing of bows and mustaches, there's text on it that reads 'It's a...' gender reveal cake. "This is all we have left, they cancelled last minute.

I look back at Ellie to get her opinion, her eyebrows are furrowed slightly "Maybe we good just get some of those cupcakes and smush them together and smear the icing so it looks like a cake."

I wave her off "I'll buy it," I say this only because it is 5:41 and with each passing minute I am growing desperate, also I don't want Jesse to be disappointed that I fumbled the cake and ruined his girlfriend's birthday.

Angsty teenager puts the bright blue monstrosity into a cake box and charges me an absurd total for it, I bitterly tap my card on the machine. 

As I walk back out to Ellie's car I take a brief moment to look at the sky, it's the same hue as cotton candy and looks as if it had been projected from a watercolour painting, even after I get back into the car and Ellie begins to blast her old dad rock songs, I can't tear my eyes away from it.

After five minutes of silence from my end, Ellie finally asks the question that's been burning into the forefront of her brain "Why are you being weird?"

"Why haven't you told anyone that we met before we moved in together?"

Her dark eyebrows furrow "You haven't told anyone either-

"Yes, I have."

"Who?"

"Yara, Stacy, Kayla, Mitch, Nigel, Carmen, literally everyone from my work," I admit "I just haven't told people who know you personally so it can't make its way back to you because you clearly don't want people to know."

She falls silent, searching her mind for the right words. She clutches the steering wheel tight and looks dead ahead at the car's bumper-to-bumper ahead of us. "I just know how to slip it into conversation."

"I don't think it's that hard, you can just say that we were friends, you don't need to give an intricate play-by-play of everything that happened."

"Why is it important that people know if we're cool again?"

I turn my head to slowly look at her "You are the one who always said 'If we don't have honesty, we have nothing at all'," I point out.

Silence strings between us again, I almost want to throw up.

'We're cool again' Nope, not anymore, we are so very far from cool. Instead of Ellie casting me little glances as she had on the ride there, she ignores my presence almost completely while I glare daggers at her. Was she embarrassed by me? When we went to lunch together why did she lie to Dina about where she was? When she slept in my bed why did Cat ask me if I knew why Ellie came home at eight AM with nothing, not even a key? Did she crawl through my bedroom window to walk around to the front door and pretend she was just getting home?

AND WHY DIDN'T I CALL HER OUT?

She was keeping me a secret and that realization hurt worse than any injury I had ever suffered. She hasn't even told her dead who practically raised me that we lived together. 

God, we weren't even anything and she was keeping me under wraps like I was some disgraceful secret that she would get shamed for holding. The very second she approached our house, I got out of her car, she hadn't even stopped it completely but cake in hand, I hopped out of her car door and didn't look back.

I think I've had my fair share of partying.

After that month-long bender I had where I went to clubs every night and replaced food with vodka, I never wanted to even look at another solo cup full of liquor. Instead of drinking, smoking, or doing karaoke, I hide from Ellie.

I hide from her in conversations and sometimes sneak into my bedroom just to get a bit of breathing room from all of the strangers in my house. Wherever Ellie was, I was not. If she was outside, I was inside, if she was in the living room, I was in the kitchen enjoying my veggie platter. 

Have you ever been the only sober person around in a group of people? If the answer is no, have you ever babysat a houseful of toddlers? Because it's just about the same thing.

When I'm not hiding from the girl who wriggled her way back into my good graces just to trip herself off the podium, I'm cleaning up, protecting our furniture, holding back hair as girls I've never met sob into the toilet, and stopping the drunk from doing stupid things. 

"Hey, buddy," I take my can of hairspray that this frat-adjacent man is holding behind an ignited lighter "I don't think you would look good as a burn victim," His friends moan in disappointment as I do so, they were very excited to see a makeshift flamethrower; I wasn't in the mood to have my house burn down, or have a guy with peach fuzz waste my thirty dollar hair spray. 

Thirty dollars?

Note to self for later: Make smarter spending choices (And smarter relationship choices!).

I felt a tap on my shoulder only to turn around and see Dina, she wasn't drunk, just tipsy "Smile!" She holds up a camera to her eye and clicks the shudder button before I even have a chance to react the flash goes off. A large Polaroid begins to print out, Dina snatches it and shakes it until you can see my silhouette, my eyes are wide, my hair flying behind me from the quick turn of my head and I'm holding a can of hairspray angled to look like I'm going to spray the camera with it "Cute!" She smiles, tucking it into her pocket for later "Wait, I want a group picture of the roommates."

Dina takes my hand and pulls me to one of the couches where Ellie and Abby sit with some guy, she shoes him to get up and drags Cat over to replace him, she stands me in between Ellie and Abby and lightly pushes me down to sit wedged between the two.

"Jesse, please do not do me dirty with this picture," She hands the pink Polaroid camera to her boyfriend and quickly ushers herself to the far left of the couch where she bends over to kiss Cat on the cheek for the picture. Ellie and I are stiff and awkward when the flash goes off. 

After the picture is taken, Ellue turns to face me just the slightest "Hey, I think we should talk-

"I think it's time for cake!" I push myself off the couch and usher myself to the kitchen. 

I pull the cake out of the fridge, looking at what I had done to salvage it; Below the part that said 'It's a...' I wrote '21 year old!' in chocolate pre-made Betty Crocker icing that I had in the fridge for months, it didn't look the best, but it could've been worse.

Dina, of course, cackles when she sees it. To her, it is the funniest thing she's seen all night. I stick the candles in and light it with the light I confiscated from peach fuzz frat boy and push the cake towards Dina after tucking the light back into my pocket, she is illuminated in the glow of iPhone flash all filming her.

"Make a wish!"

Age Sixteen- Grade 11

I think back to how embarrassing it felt to be thoughtful.

How fragile I felt when I would share my feelings and how frail I seem when I do it now. Ellie was always tougher than I was, in rugby, in fights, just in general. That's why I figured she would be taking it better than me when I cut contact, once again I have been proven wrong.

"Conner, can we please just leave?" I pleaded with my then-boyfriend. The night had started fine but after a couple of drinks Ellie and I were becoming increasingly hostile to one another, it wasn't my intention to speak to her but the universe forced my hand when we were shoved into a circle of our friends and made to converse around the bonfire at the beach.

The salty breeze carried the sounds of laughter and the gentle crashing of waves, the scent of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air.

 "What, you need your boyfriend's permission or something?" Ellie held a can of berry blast Smirnoff, staring into my soul from the other side of the fire, the sparks glitter through the night like fireflies. Her words don't feel too bad but they don't feel too good either.

I cast her a glare before I looked back to my boyfriend "Please?" 

He is getting perpetually annoyed with me he shrugs away from my grasp, "Fuck off, we just got here," He mutters, Conner must think I couldn't hear it. He had already downed three Bud lights and a couple of shots of cheap vodka, now he is nursing another beer in hand. 

"Excuse me?" I say, narrowing my eyes. Everyone around the fire pauses their conversation to tune into mine. "Come on," I stand up and try to pull him along so we can have a conversation away from the prying eyes of our friends.

I can't pull the mass of the 6'2 quarterback along with me but he obliges and follows me where I yank him. As I drag him along the rest of the group giggle and makes jokes along the lines of 'Trouble in paradise' but Ellie is the only one who doesn't jump back into mindless conversation, her unnerving eyes are still on me while I chew my boyfriend out by the shoreline. 

"Why do I have to leave just because you're feeling a little bummed out?" 

I'm almost floored at out someone can lack so much empathy "Because you're my boyfriend?" I can feel myself tensing up.

"Why does that mean you can't get up and leave on your own?" He defends "You begged me to come here and now I just wanna down a couple of beers and hang out with my friends."

"You've already drank like twenty!" I retort.

"It's a fucking party!" Conner says, raising his voice "It's a party and it's summer and you're seriously trying to tell me not to have fun?"

"Fuck!" I shout in frustration "Why don't you ever call me? Why can't you ever let me in?" The argument is quickly escalating "Why didn't you tell me that you kissed Tamar and why haven't you told me that you love me?"

"Because I don't."

My words fail me. I knew he didn't, I knew that he hardly even liked me. My dad had thought so highly of him, she said he was the type of guy to rescue a baby from a burning building but as I look at him now, I figure that he eats babies.

I almost open my mouth to say something different, almost, but I don't. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I didn't, I might've been able to salvage the rotting corpse of my relationship with Ellie but I didn't. "Fine," I say, voice calm and quiet "Let's stay."

Before that night I had never really gotten drunk but the second I got back to the bonfire, I was digging through the cooler and shotgunning canned Smirnoff. "Woah," Riley laughs "Someone's finally being a bad influence."

I got myself so shit-faced that when everyone else got up to dance to the music blaring through the Bluetooth speaker, I sat by myself at the shoreline, looking bitterly out towards to ocean while the tides crash at my feet and get sucked back into the ocean. For a moment I think about jumping in and letting my lax body get washed away and sink beneath the surface until I wash up as a water-bloated corpse that some nine-year-old will find when they're beach combing.

My mouth tastes like peroxide and blood, my lungs burn with a red-hot pain. The wind is becoming increasingly harsh and I ignore the hair that is tangled into my golden hoop earrings.

"Wow, you look awful," I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Can you just fuck off?" I say "I don't give a shit about you, just leave me alone."

She always had to antagonize me, Ellie went out of her way to stray from the group and bother me. It had something to do with the alcohol in her system. Despite her alleged hatred for me, she takes a seat next to me regardless.

"Fuck, you're so sensitive," She scoffs "I don't know why you're dating him, I'm not even sure why you'd want to fuck him unless you're too lazy to jerk off-

My hands think before my head and I deck Ellie right in the side of her face, getting a solid hit to her cheekbone. My hand flies over my mouth "I'm sorry, I-

Ellie doesn't waste any time in lunging back at me, she pushes me down by my shoulders until my back is in the shallow of the water that moments ago just splashed at my feet and takes a swing. The impact of her punch almost knocks me sober.

I take a sharp inhale, grabbing her elbows and pulling her down to where she was the one on her back and I was the one straddling her. I land one last blow to her nose, I hear a crunch and the panic immediately sends me scrambling to my feet. My eyes go wide at the blood dripping down, her face I turn to run but Ellie is faster, she grabs me by my hair and yanks me down further into the water with her. 

"Fucking cunt!" I cry, though my scream is drowned out by the overwhelmingly loud tides crashing on the shore "Get the fuck off me!" 

Ellie is better at fighting than I am, I had never been on this side of her before, usually, I had been the one to drag her away from fights but now I am the one who is going to stumble home numb from the devastating pain.

Frankly, I'm fucking scared.

She continues to drag me by my hair until I'm knee-deep in the water with her, she almost throws her entire weight into me, dunking me beneath the surface where her bony hands snake around my neck. My eyes have gone blurry with the salt water, they sting and burn. I can't see anything, all I can do is uselessly thrash beneath her. My hands push against her face, trying to pry her off my body. 

Eventually, I manage to claw her face with my fingernails, I dig deep enough that it breaks skin and she recoils just enough for me to knee her in the stomach and let me get out from under her. Just as I try to slip away she reaches for my hair again, but instead of tugging on my hair, she rips out my gold hoop earring. I screech out in agony, hand reaching for where the metal sliced through the lobe of my ear, I shudder in pain; my cries are now jagged and harsh.

This is the exact moment Ellie begins to regret what she's done. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Her tone softens and she tries to approach me but I back away from her like a frightened dog.

"Get away from me!" Despite the pain surging in my body, I find the strength in me to hit her again, she staggers back tripping into the water. I hit her so hard that I feel a crack in my knuckle and I yelp out in the immediate shock of pain. 

I wasn't sure when the others had noticed this was happening probably because my vision had gone blurry from salt water and adrenaline but before Ellie could hit me again, she was being restrained by Riley and Kennedy while some guy who I had probably had two conversations with dragged my back to shore.

I keel over on my hands and knees and begin to start retching onto the sand. Laila rubs a gentle hand on my back, my hair sticking wet on my forehead. A seagull, disturbed by the commotion, took flight, its wings cutting through the charged air. 

Next to the pile of vomit I just heaved, blood drips down from my ear, pooling and then soaking into the sand. My neck swells from what is still the raw sensation of Ellie closing her hands around it. 

I look up at Ellie, there is blood that has dripped its way into her mouth, clinging to her white teeth. She has what almost looks like a cat scratch running down her cheek, blood begins to prick and spill from the lacerations.

She stares back at me and we don't say a word but we understand each other clearly, I never want to see you again.

"Let's go," Ellie grabs my arm as Dina begins to slice the cake "We're gonna fix this right now."

"Ellie, there are so many people here," I say in a hushed tone so people can't hear me.

"I don't mean here," She looks at me, face expressionless "Just get in my car."

"Excuse me?" I say, tone accusing "Did you just order me to get in your car?"

"Fuck," She sighs, dropping my wrist to rub her hands down her face "Please can you get in my car so we can work this through."

"There's nothing to work through," I retort "You're embarrassed by me or you still secretly hate me and that's fine, I meant what I said on winter break about the lease, the second it's up, I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"What? No, don't- just," She takes a breath, reevaluating what to say "I have a point to make but I can't make it unless you get in my car."

We stare at each other for a moment, I narrow my eyes and she is still unmoving. Every scenario runs through my head of what could be waiting for me in that car.

"Fine."

I sit silently in her passenger seat, my knees are pulled into my chest and I rest my chin on them. Ellie doesn't say anything either as she drives. I watch each traffic light pass me, every street name to try and make sense of where we are going.

I almost feel like I'm going to suffocate beneath the silence of everything going left unsaid.

When I spot the boardwalk up ahead, I know exactly where she's taking me "Ellie, why are we at the beach?" I give her a side glance "Do I need to take out my earrings?"

Heat rises to her cheeks when I say this, "Not yet," She jokes, getting out of her car and grabbing a tote bag from the back seat, and I follow in tow.

We walk past the boardwalk and onto the sandy beach, I'm already not feeling whatever she's doing; there is sand filling up my Converse and a slight wind chill, I'm really wishing I had a hoodie right now. "Can you tell me what we're doing yet?" I'm hugging myself in an attempt to stay warm "If we're still walking on the beach why couldn't we have just walked on the boardwalk instead? It literally has walk in the name." I'm already going off on one of my tangents.

She still walking ahead of me but she briefly turns around to face me "Can you just stop asking questions for a minute?"

"Okay, whatever," I mutter, trailing behind her still. I can hardly see in the night, the only light to guide us is the moon and the warm ceiling lamps from restaurants along the boardwalk. I can vaguely see Ellie's silhouette, she's outlined by the gentle glow radiating off the moon, I try my best not to stumble over things poking out of the sand that have been lost to sight by darkness. 

"Okay," Ellie stops, "Here we are."

"Where are we?" I ask "I can't see shit, I don't know where here is."

Ellie digs around in her pocket for her phone and turns on a flashlight and it reveals a small iron firepit that was cemented into a slab of concrete in the sand. She hands me her phone so I can keep the flash on her and she can see what she's doing. 

She pulls out some pages ripped out from her notebook "Can you hand me your lighter?"

My eyebrows furrowed, and I felt around in my pocket wondering if I even had one. I did, it had slipped my mind that I still had the bic lighter that I confiscated from Peach Fuzz. I hand the lighter to her and watch as she tucks the pages beneath logs that were in the firepit before we arrive, they are somewhat charred but still viable.

She flicks the lighter to ignite it and the paper catches immediately. The initial flicker grew into a tentative blaze, licking at the edges of the kindling. The crackling sound echoed through the night. 

Once she is sure the fire can survive without her feeding it, she steps away. "Alright, let's have it out."

"Like sex?" I scrunch up my nose.

"Oh my god, no, like let's talk this through." She pinches her nose bridge, taking a breath in before exhaling and putting her hand back down "We're gonna recreate the night of the bonfire how it should've been," Ellie reached back into her bag and pulled out two white claws "I snagged these from Dina's party, sorry this was kind of last minute."

I can't help the smile that grows on my face, I take one of the white claws and crack it open "I don't know how authentic this is gonna be if there isn't any canned Smirnoff."

I think back to exactly how that night played out and I take a seat on the sand, facing the crashing dark ocean. I sip my white claw, as expected Ellie takes a seat next to me, just what happened on the actual night.

"Wow," She says "You look really pretty and I'm an idiot for ever saying you looked awful," Ellie looks gorgeous illuminated by the orange light of the fire, and the breeze causes her flyaway hairs to drift in the wind. "I'm an asshole for pretending that I didn't know you, I was scared I would get hurt again and take it to heart like I did last time. I promise the second we get home that I'll come clean."

I don't know if I can deal with this sugary philosophy. She's being so sweet that it's rotting my teeth.

"Ellie," I say gathering my thoughts, it was so hard being honest with my feelings, it felt like I would get hospitalized if I showed any emotion. "I was so in love with you in high school that it killed me, and I was terrified that my parents would throw me out well, they did- but that's why I pushed you away and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it." 

The surprise on her face morphs into a soft smile "What about now?" she asks "Do you still love me?"

I shrug, it's honest "I dunno, but I think there's room to try."

She looks from me to the ocean and the way the moonlight glitters off the surface "What happened next?" Ellie toys with the tab of her drink "Did you hit me?"

"Yeah," I say softly, following her gaze out to the waters "But if we're doing the night how it should've been, I'd rather just kiss you."

Ellie turns her head back to look at me. She shoves her white claw into the sand then takes my face into one of her hands and kisses me like it's her job, so tender and carefully like she's afraid I will break beneath pressure.

How weak have I become? My heart is so full of her that I can hardly call it my own.

A/N: Be grateful for this ending because I was very tempted to give you guys an unhappy one. Sorry that I forgot to post this lol, I’m sad this series is over but excited to show you all my next one which may be the angst-iest yet 👀

Thanks for reading!

Tag list: @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliesaesp @melanie-watermelon @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @skylerwhitwyo @lmaoo-spiderman @joliettes @kittnii @taylorgracies @sameenatruther @mikellie @belles-hell @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @whosmica

[futurewdclandonorris]

A Helping Hand | George Russell⁶³

Pairings: George Russell x fem!bestfriend!reader

Summary: feeling frustrated, you go to George for some aid where he offers to help you blow off some steam

Warnings: smut

A/N: goodness, this is the most I've spent on proofreading, rewriting and editing than on any of my other fics, probably because I babied this idea for a long time 💀 and probably because I was sick for the past few days that I couldn't do anything else except thinking about George taking care of me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it 🥰

You were frustrated. The irritation was welling up inside you, and there was no telling why. And nothing going your way wasn’t helping either. But what it is that you always do whenever you feel like this?

You go to George.

George and you were best friends for as long as you could remember. He played enormous role in your life, in a way that you would often refer to him as an older brother. No one else even came close to being as important to you as he was. He was always there to listen when you needed to rant about something, and the two of you were just as comfortable sitting in silence as you were engaging in deep conversations. Today was no different.

You walked over to George's apartment, knowing that he wouldn't mind your unannounced visit. You knocked on the door and waited a few moments before he answered, your mind racing with all the things you wanted to vent about. The door opened, revealing George’s smiling face.

“Hey there, buddy,” he said, pulling you into a hug. “What’s got you so worked up?” he questioned upon seeing your slumped shoulders and frowning face.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I just know I’m feeling a lot and it’s not good.” you walked further into his apartment, running a hand through your hair.

George followed behind you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, "I don't even know what's bothering me. I'm just feeling so damn… restless." and leaned against his kitchen bar.

George nodded his head, eyes fixed on your face. He knew that look and the manner in which you spoke. George had experienced this before with you. You would continue to speak until the words dried up, and he knew it was in his best interest to listen attentively. And he wanted to do just that. To be a friend and not interrupt for once your thoughts were drifting by. He loved the feeling of neediness you gave him.

So you started to spill your troubles. From everything that happened to you since you woke up to this very moment in the afternoon. He listened patiently, nodding and frowning in all the right places. You continued to talk, your words flowing out in a jumbled mess as you tried to make sense of your emotions. George listened intently, offering words of encouragement when needed. As you spoke, he moved closer to you.

It wasn’t a subtle move, you very much noticed him getting up and walking up to you, caging you in between his arms he rested on the counter behind you. He bowed his head so that his eyes were in level with yours and leaned forward, the words dying on your lips as he did so. Your faces were now only inches away, the air around you charged.

“When was the last time you got laid?” he asked.

You were taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor. “W-What?”

He took a step back, giving you space to breathe. “You, my friend, are sexually frustrated.”

You hadn't been with anyone in a while, he was right, like he always was, but “And how do you know that?” there was annoyance in your voice as you crossed your arms.

He sat down in one of his kitchen chairs, leaning on the table behind and legs spread lightly.  “How long have we been friends for?”

“Almost twenty years. Why?” you frowned, not really seeing the point of this conversation.

He gave a slight nod in agreement. “And in that long period of time you think I wouldn’t have learned your,” his gaze traveled up your body until it finally settled on your eyes, “body language?” his tongue clicked.

You swallowed hard, feeling the atmosphere between you two shift. There was definitely an undercurrent of something more, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to go there just yet.

“This-That has nothing to do with this.” you choked out.

“So you’re saying,” he moved his head from side to side. “If I offered you a solution you would say no?” his eyes found yours again and his gaze was piercing.

You couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine as George's eyes locked with yours. You had expected a hug or some words of comfort, not a proposition. You knew what he was insinuating, and part of you was tempted to take him up on his offer. But the other part of you was hesitant, unsure if you were ready to cross that line with him.

You had to admit, the idea was tempting. George was an attractive man, and you had always felt a certain level of chemistry between the two of you. But did you want to risk your friendship for a moment of physical release?

“I…”

Upon noticing your hesitation, George decided for you. “Come here.” he patted his thigh.

Bolts of electricity ran through your body  at his words. There was no denying that the idea of him taking care of you in that way was incredibly arousing. And before you made up your mind, your legs carried you over to him.

He took your arm, leading you in front of him. “Turn aroud. Sit down.” he instructed softly.

“On y-”

“Yes, y/n, on my lap.”

If he wanted to, he could pull you by the arms and just place you there, but he waited for you to slowly sit down yourself, resting your hands on his knees, your back to him.

“Good girl. Now,” he leaned forward, hugging your waist. “If in any moment you feel uncomfortable or just want to stop for whatever reason, I want you to tell me. Alright?”

“Okay.” you nodded, his intense stare more than you could handle.

You were familiar with being this close to George; you'd even slept in the same bed side-by-side without any issue. You had held each other before, but his touch was always comforting and platonic. This time however, something more hung in the air - an energy that made your heart race with anticipation.

“Good.” he kissed your tense shoulder.

George's hands caressed your body with practiced ease, gently running down your sides, across your abdomen, up and down your jean clothed thighs in order to help you relax. Gradually, you leaned into him, your breaths deeper. His lips smoothed over your neck and you let out an unwilling moan.

“You’re doing good.” he reassured and you nodded, affirming that you heard him.

His hands moved to the hem of your shirt, diving under to caress your stomach. They were warm, but your back arched on a sudden skin on skin contact. He stopped for a moment until you relaxed again. Moving upwards, his fingers grazed the lace of your bra before he glided his palms to cup them.

You gasped and bit your lip, surprised by the new sensation of his hands so close to your growing chest, and leaned back on him even more, your nipples hardening. You loved the way George touched you, the way he made you feel. His hands ran up and down between you and your bra, squeezing your globes. His lips found your ear, nibbling on its lobe before he spoke.

“You have a beautiful body.” he whispered huskily.

A shudder ran up your spine at the pure lust in his voice. His right hand slipped under the cup of your bra, freeing your breast. You didn’t protest, you felt good. Instead, you arched your back more, pressing your chest more against his hand. His thumb and forefinger found your nipple and pinched and pulled on it, making you moan.

George lowered his head and licked your neck, kissing it softly and nipping it occasionally. His left hand joined in the fun and massaged your other breast, pinching its nipple just as his right hand was doing. You clamped your eyes shut, enjoying the sensation of his touch.

“Sensitive, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

You leaned back once again, despite your best efforts. Now his right hand made its descend down your stomach, making you wriggle in his lap, and reached the button of your jeans. Popping it open, that’s when you opened your eyes as well.

“George,” you gulped and put your hand over his. “Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely,” he pulled you closer, pressing his lips reassuringly to your neck. “Are you not?”

“I’m just worried what it means to us, our friendship. I don’t want to ruin it.” you finally voiced your concerns.

“You won’t ruin it, babygirl.” he smoothed over your hair. “Friends help each other out, don’t they? You can look at it like that.”

“Yes, but…” We shouldn’t be doing this… you thought to yourself.

“We can stop if you-”

“No!” you were maybe a bit too quick to cut him off. “Let’s continue. I… I like it.” you could feel the heat rush into your cheeks.

He kissed your neck, working his way up to your ear. “I’m glad. Cause so do I.” his hand went back to what it was doing.

He pulled down your zipper, but didn’t push your pants down, exposing just your panties. His hand went back to your breasts, kneading them, feeling their weight. Every now and again his hand would brush past your nipple, sending tingles down your body.

You’re breathing was growing heavier, his hands were good at what they were doing and you didn’t want it to stop. He could feel you squirming in his lap, his smirk evident even though your head was turned.

“Someone’s excited.” he teased.

“S-Shut up.” you bit your lip, embarrassed.

His fingers dipped under the elastic line of your panties, and you were glad that you decided to shave that morning. His fingers ran over your mound slowly, feeling every curve, every spot. He circled around your clit, teasing you, before he moved further down, dipping one finger in a bit before pulling it back out.

You moaned and he chuckled. “You like that?” you nodded, trying to contain your moans. “You want me to continue?” you nodded again, too aroused to speak.

His fingers dipped deeper inside your folds, feeling the warm, wet sensation. When his fingers reached the bottom, he started to rub your entrance, pressing just a bit, sending pleasurable sparks through your body.

“Mhm,” he moaned into your ear, “my babygirl likes that.”

“Yes.” you shook your head, agreeing.

“Tell me.” he demanded.

“Yes, I like it. I want it.”

His finger pushed a bit further inside, and you bit your lower lip, unable to keep quiet. “You want what?” he asked in a low voice.

“I want it.” you said in a higher pitched voice, trying to sound like a grown woman. “I want your fingers inside of me.” you blushed.

“You want more?”

“Yes. Please.” you ground onto his finger, your hips following his thumb’s rhythm.

He pulled his hand out of your pants and you audibly expressed your dismay at the lack of contact. He responded by placing his hands on your hips and forcing you up off the chair. Tugging your jeans down, you stepped out of them and he was quick to pull you onto his lap once again. With a nudge from his knee, your thighs opened into a desirable position. His arm was securely locked around your waist, making sure that you wouldn't move away or slip off his lap.

“Now,” he played with your panties, pushing them aside. “You said you wanted more?”

“Yes, George. Please, George.” you whined.

“Only cause you said please.” he smirked and you could feel his teeth graze your skin.

His finger entered you again, slowly, stretching you, moving only an inch or so before pulling out again. When he felt that you were ready for more, he rhythmically started to finger you, gauging your reaction. His finger pushed a bit further in, making you squirm. He pulled it back out, a bit of your juices clinging to it before he thrust it back in. You gasped, feeling the full sensation of his finger inside of you. He added another finger, and you moaned, squirming on his lap, feeling so full. Your breathing had turned into moaning, echoing through the empty apartment in which you were in.

"Shh, babygirl, it's alright. You're doing good.” George’s free hand tangled in your hair, pulling it back, your exposed neck bared to him. He nibbled on it, biting and sucking, loving your reactions.

“Just, please, more.” you begged him.

“I don't think you're ready for that yet.”

His fingers became more insistent inside you, pushing deeper and deeper. He rubbed your g-spot, making your moans turn into pants.

“No, no, no, no.” you panted. “Please, just a bit more.”

“Would my babygirl like to come already?”

“Yes, please, I’m so close.” you said, almost crying, needing to come.

“Let me hear you say it.”

“George, please. I want it. I need it. Please.” you begged.

“God, I didn’t think hearing you beg would be such a turn on.” he confessed, his voice a deep rumble.

“Please, I need it. I need to come. I love it when you touch me like that. Please!” you were almost screaming by the end.

He went back on rubbing you, his fingers moving faster and faster. Slipping his thumb a few times inside you while his fingers were busy doing you, the other hand clamped on your hip for support. His thumb pushed in deeper, your juices coated it and he rubbed your g-spot with it, making you squeal.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” you said over and over again, panting.

“Come for me.” he hissed and his other hand wrapped around your throat, holding you gently.

You didn’t even need his encouragement, your whole body was aching for release. His fingers moved faster, rubbing your g-spot, his thumb pressing hard against it. You were soaked, his fingers gliding inside you. You moaned, louder than before, mumbling incoherently.

Your hips bucked on his lap and he held you in place, his fingers continuing their assault on your body. You were his toy, his play thing, and you enjoyed it more than you should have. You didn’t care anymore, you were drowning in pleasure, letting it consume you.

Lights burst behind your eyelids when you came, biting hard into your lip, muffling your screams. Your whole body relaxed from the pleasure, your arms giving out and you would have fallen if he had not held you. You leaned against him, recovering from your orgasm. Your head was laid on his chest and all you could hear was his breathing, slowing down.

When the orgasmic waves subsided, you became aware of your surroundings again and blushed.

“Th-thank you.” you stammered, chest still rising and falling visibly.

“You’re welcome.” he kissed your temple. “Feeling better now?”

“Yes.” you nodded.

“Glad I could help.” he said, his fingers playing with your hair, combing them through.

“You did, but George… This can’t happen again.” you finished, standing up to find your jeans. It was just an excuse to put some physical distance between you for you don’t think you could get the last part over your lips if you were still sitting on his lap.

“Oh,” was all he said. You couldn’t determine was he disappointed or the realization hit him.

“We are friends and I want it to stay that way. You are too important for me to lose over... such thing.” you zipped up your pants.

“I understand.” he said, his voice not betraying his true feelings.

You had expected it to be hard to say it, but it didn’t feel like a lie at all, it felt like the truth. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Thank you.”

He meekly nodded. “Do you want to stay over? We can watch tv or something…” he trailed off.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay.” he smiled and you smiled back.

You spent the rest of the evening wrapped in blankets on his couch, laughing as you watched bad television shows and poking fun at the characters and plots. Between you two was no uneasiness; you were laughing together like earlier events hadn't happened. And that moment looked like a promise that, no matter what, nothing will ever change between you two.

Or so you thought...

Next part

[thirstywoso]

Take me out to the ball game - Jessie Fleming x Reader (platonic and fluffy)

A/N: the person that inspired this fic doesn't know I've written it but it's short, fluffy and platonic - it's also rushed and messy and please know that I don't know the first thing about baseball and that's why it lacks detail 😭

Warnings: None

W/C: 1.5k

Synopsis: You help Jessie feel welcome in Portland

You'd been at Portland a few years before Jessie had joined, that didn't mean the all too familiar feeling of being a newbie was a distant memory. In fact you remembered how nervous you were making new friends, learning the new drills and fitting into the routine and lifestyle at Portland. Most clubs were similar with the way they spaced out and scheduled gym sessions, pitch training and analytics, it just was different to your old club. Settling into a new city was also hard and even with familiar faces on the team it took you some time to feel fully comfortable.

That's why when Jessie came to Portland you decided to take on the roll of big sister, even though she was a year or two older than you. You had always taken people under your wing and had a caring nature but something about Jessie and the way she spoke and would intently listen to you wasn't something you hadn't experienced before.

You'd been spending a lot of downtime with the girl, her first week you showed her around the city and showed her places and amenities that would be of benefit to her, last week you'd spent your time helping her settle into her apartment as her belongings that she had sent over from London started to arrive along with the new furniture she had ordered.

Each evening after training you'd find yourself on the floor of Jessie's apartment with a few beers and takeout containers from somewhere or another. This was Jessie's treat most nights as a thank you for helping her to put together all her flatpack furniture and organise her apartment into the way she liked.

It was Friday night and you were sat with her on her bedroom floor, she had a mattress that she had been sleeping on but that morning her new bed frame had come.

As per usual you were sharing a crate of beers that you'd bough over, whilst screws, nuts and bolts neatly laid out next to the instructions that you'd set out ready for your "adult legos"

"Okay so part A" you say picking it up "goes into part B" you scan the floor for said part before looking over to Jessie who had it in her hand. "Aha that's it, if you pass me a screw from pile one then I'll secure them" you let her know. She does as you ask and you put them together.

It doesn't take long, swapping between roles of securing the beams and holding things in place/ grabbing the bolts. Within an hour or so Jessie's bed frame was put together and you'd placed the mattress on top and assisted her in making up her bed, you then both retired to her couch that you'd helped put together a few days before, you sat there finishing up your beers and chatted late into the night seeing as Saturday was an off day for you both.

"So, as an apology for having you over here every night to help me put together my apartment, I was thinking you could come over and I'd make you dinner and we can relax for a change?" Jessie offered

"I mean.." you start scratching your neck "I'd love to take you up on that offer, believe me, I'm just thinking about going to Seattle to watch the Mariners play" pausing because you didn't want to reject the offer "I am so down to do another night though" you give.

"Oh, yeah sure sorry! I didn't even think, you've spent every night here all week that I forgot you might want time to yourself and never even thought you'd have plans and that's on me, mariners huh? Is that baseball? I'm not sure I've never really watched it, and if I'm honest I don't understand it, you like baseball? I never knew that!" She rambled out really fast almost tripping over her words, slightly embarrassed by her assumptions.

You grab her arm stroking it gently, "shh Jessie, it's cool don't worry about it" you wait for her to breathe before carrying on "yes, I do like baseball, I also haven't minded a single minute hanging out with you, It's just been awhile since I went to a game, you can come with me if you like?" You ask her.

"I wouldn't want to intrude, I also know nothing about baseball" She tells you.

"You are not intruding, I'm going by myself and it would be nice to have company, I can also teach you? Only if you want?" You say somewhat hopefully.

"Okay that would be nice!" She accepts your invite.

-

The next morning you pick Jessie up from her apartment and stop off at the store for a snack run, grabbing various sugar filled treats and some sodas.

As you drive you become even closer with Jessie, both sharing anecdotes and stories about your lives, finding out your shared love of artisanal coffee, passion for photography and love of a good hike. You fell into a rhythm of telling stories back and forth until you arrived at the stadium.

You'd worn your baseball jersey and gave one to Jessie to wear, once inside you'd told her you wanted to treat her to the entire baseball experience, buying her a hot dog and a beer from one of the vendors before finding your seats.

You gave Jessie a quick run through of the game and told her about how many innings there would be and how the scoring would work.

Throughout the game Jessie began to pick up on various rules and was starting to better understand how baseball worked, at one point excusing herself to the restroom. You'd offered to show her the way but she insisted you stay and watch, when she returned she had the face of a kid in a candy store.

In each hand was a novelty miniature baseball helmet made of plastic filled with ice cream, "I didn't know if you'd want one but look how cool these are! They said we can keep them when we are done too!" She squealed excitedly, you couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

Really appreciating the way she was taking in something you loved and was enjoying it, making the experience of one of your favourite things just that much better.

You thanked her and took the ice cream that probably cost way too much but you appreciated the gesture, you began to eat it and couldn't help but smile at the way Jessie kept giggling at hers.

"Next time remind me to buy you a beer in a baseball bat" you laughed, until she looked at you mouth agape in shock.

"That's a thing!" She exclaimed, to which you just laughed again in reply as you nod your head.

"It is"

"I need one!" She practically squealed

"Next time" you laugh

"Fine" she agrees with a mock pout.

"So how long have you been a mariners fan?" She asks after a few minutes of you sitting in comfortable silence.

"Well actually I'm not a Mariners fan, I just enjoy watching all of the teams. I am however a big cubs fan"

"Oh yeah, Chicago right?"

"Yeah, my dad use to take me when I was growing up and it kinda just stuck" you say with a shrug

"That's really sweet, I used to go with my dad to watch ice hockey growing up, in fact my whole family kind of grew up playing ice hockey. I think they were more than surprised when I took up soccer as my profession instead of becoming a professional hockey player." She tells you about her childhood, which you found somewhat comforting.

The way Jessie spoke and expressed herself filled you with an almost calm feeling, it was nice to have a friend that you felt so relaxed around that didn't drain you of your energy.

You also couldn't help but feel warmth from seeing how excited the small freckled Canadian would get at all the tiny things she noticed during the game.

Afterwards you headed back towards Portland, Jessie yapping away about how much she enjoyed the game and would love to do it again, she also promised that she would make you dinner another night of your choosing.

You agreed that any day would work for you and told her you enjoyed her company tonight and how excited you were to do it again.

Beaming at you from the passenger seat she nodded her head in agreement.

Before you knew it time had sped by and you were dropping her back at her apartment, returning to yours you felt somewhat bitter sweet that the night was over but you were also excited for the next time you could take her to a game.

[findmeinthefallair]

God I never showed you guys how I would've written case notes for our boi's therapy sessions.

Here are some examples I drew up for a very early stage session with him, since I need to put down this info before I can create and write more scenes and screenshots.

Basic SOAP notes template:

Subjective is what the client shares and reports.

Objective is what the therapist can see, based on what's called a Mental Status Exam that we must conduct for any session.

Assessment is reporting whether you think the client is getting further away or closer to the goals they set for therapy, framed through the theoretical orientation that the therapist uses. In my past experience, I have used a blend of the Satir Model and Internal Family Systems theories, both of which are systemic theories i.e. we believe that a client's life has been shaped by their family background and environment.

It's important that Hunter's therapist would have to use what's called a non-directive approach to give him lots of space and autonomy to explore his thoughts and feelings. Systemic theories and others such as Narrative Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are all non-directive, whereas approaches such as the more commonly heard Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) are directive and most likely a poor fit for him because it would enable his extreme rule-following tendencies.

Plan refers to the course of action that both therapist and client could take, and seeing how the rapport between them is building up.

----------------------------

A piece of homework I might give him is a log like this, to track how he's doing and feeling through the weeks and months:

The percentages shown are him rating how intense his experienced symptoms are. This table can be discussed in each session too.

----------------------------

Lastly, disclaimer for the next one: I've not trained in the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) modality but had a peek at how EMDR therapists write their case notes, since I also spent two years going for EMDR sessions as a client. But it might look like this for the boi based on what I found online:

EMDR is about replacing harmful beliefs about self with positive ones, and involves a ton of subconscious work via something called "bilateral stimulation" (to really simplify, when you go for a walk you shift between putting your left and right feet in front while moving: this contributes towards you most likely feeling better afterwards). EMDR does something very similar with eye movements, or playing alternating sounds in headphones between the left and right ears, or alternating between tapping your left and right knees with your hands.

While this left-right-left-right stuff is happening, you are instructed by the therapist to mentally replay an image from a traumatic memory. One single traumatic memory is processed at a time, and a mental "safe place" and emotional resources must be set up first across many initial sessions before the actual processing is even carried out.

Anyway, the therapist most likely would not dive into the worst memory of him being possessed, because that would be too much, even if a safe place and resources are first set up. The most likely memory to be addressed first could be when he received his notable facial scar, or whichever was the earliest traumatic memory he remembers.

In the screenshot above, the "VoC" section is how strongly the client believes in the new positive belief, on a scale from 1 to 7. The number would obviously be very low in the beginning; the goal of EMDR therapy is to bring the number all the way up to a 7 across the months ahead.

The SUDs section is about Subjective Units of Disturbance, used to measure how much distress the client feels about the image of the traumatic memory on a scale of 1 to 10. The hope is to get the number down as low as possible over the months.

I picture him having various breakthroughs with the help of this technique at different points of his healing, such as before Grom Night, before he can even imagine himself carving Waffles...overall being more and more okay over time with a world with no Flapjack in it.

It's amazing to picture the work that the boi would put in until he can feel calmness and even a blooming sense of purpose handling the pieces of palistrom wood he'd be working with in the years to come, instead of pure distress about the best friend he played a part in slaying. Thanks for attending my spontaneous TED talk lol

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for playing music in my shared apartment?

🎵🎧 so I can find it

I live in a shared apartment with two other girls (L and S). It is a student apartment because we are all university students, but it's not provided by the school. Just an apartment complex that markets to students.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and he comes over on weekends sometimes and we hang out or go to dinner, do homework, and yes, have sex. I have tried to be the ideal roommate. I never use my speakers to play music, only headphones. I have shushed my boyfriend when he laughs super loud during TV shows. Meanwhile, both of my roommates have a habit of playing loud music, burning candles and incense, having half a dozen people over and doing karaoke super loud and late at night with the only warning "having some friends over later."

Last weekend, my roommate L allowed her friend over to work on their small business stuff in the common area (L was not at the apartment, she let the friend in and then went to work). The friend had the TV playing in the living room, and my boyfriend and I keep pretty quiet when we're having sex. I guess we were louder than we thought, because I got a text later from L basically reading me the riot act for making her friend uncomfortable and being inconsiderate. The friend seems nice, I didn't intend to make him uncomfortable. L also said that there have been several times that she or S have heard my boyfriend and I, and that it's "fucking nasty" and I need to be more considerate of the fact that we share a living space. I thought this was pretty hypocritical given that I am almost always super quiet because the walls are thin, and neither of them bothers to keep the noise down.

But I'm not trying to start a fight, so I told her I didn't realize we could be heard and I would make an effort to prevent it in the future.

So. Last night was Valentine's. (Wrote this when the ask box was closed lol) My boyfriend and I went out to dinner, spent some time playing a board game in my room, and then I turned on some music on my speakers, turned it up loud enough that it would have masked normal conversation volume, and we had sex. The music was loud enough that, unless we spoke directly into one another's ears or raised our voices, my boyfriend and I couldn't hear each other.

I got a furious text this morning because I only played music when it was obvious that we were banging, so that made it gross to L, like I was broadcasting what I was doing to the rest of the apartment. I told her that she should do what I did and buy some headphones, and otherwise she could decide whether she preferred to hear my music or to hear me getting laid.

She said I'm disgusting and to grow up.

On the one hand, it WAS obvious that I was playing the music to mask the sounds. I don't like music during sex, but I was trying to be considerate (even if I was pissed). I don't think that I should have to stop having sex in my own home that I pay for, especially when I am already making efforts to keep it pretty quiet. L seems to think that I shouldn't do it at all while someone is home, but S is almost ALWAYS home, and tbh, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have some intimacy with my boyfriend in my own home, especially on Valentine's Day. But I'll admit, part of me felt pretty spiteful & vindicated when I started the music, so AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[shadowdaddies]

Hi:) I'm so happy that I am not annoying you with all the Eris requests, I really thought I was. May I ask for another one? One where the reader and Eris are mates and she is had always desired to dance with someone but she never had the chance and he arranges that. Please🙏

No you have NEVER annoyed me!! I've never been annoyed by requests, it brings me so much joy when you guys enjoy my writing💜 I appreciate you

A/N: oh this made me EMOTIONAL thinking about Eris with a mate where he doesn't care about how others perceive them, he's only focused on them

Dance with Me

Eris x fem!Reader

You were perched in Eris’s lap as he spent another late night in his office, sorting through reports that had him tugging at his flame red hair in frustration. Wiggling on his lap, your nose nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his comforting scent as you pressed a soft kiss to his skin. Eris stiffened beneath your gentle touch, letting out a quick exhale. 

“I need a break,” he announced, hands wrapping securely around your waist as he lifted you from his lap. Eris stood from his chair, smirking at you as he took your hand in his and led you to the open space of his office, between his desk and the fireplace. “I need a dance with my lady, if I am to make it through this evening,” Eris spoke dramatically, bowing to you before he offered his hand. You giggled at your mate’s propriety - he was such a skilled dancer, and you were thankful that he entertained your attempts at the activity. 

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your hand that made you blush furiously before pulling you into his arms and leading you in a silent waltz. Eris’s heartbeat, the crackle of the fire, and your laughter as you tripped over his feet - only for him to catch you in a graceful dip - echoed through the study. Amber eyes glowing with amusement, Eris smiled as he twirled you around the floor.

It was a favorite pastime for him to dance when he was stressed, and you loved learning something new from your mate. You dreamt of dancing in a beautiful ballgown, your mate leading you in front of the courts one day. Eris could tell you were lost in thought, a soft smile playing on his lips as he twirled you. “What’s on your mind, little vixen?” 

You blushed, laughing nervously as you told Eris what you were dreaming about, but rather than laughing with you, Eris stopped the dance. Tilting your chin up, amber eyes looked deep into yours as Eris promised you, “I will not allow my mate’s dreams to remain such. I can think of no higher honor than to dance with you for everyone under this sky to witness.” Melting at his poetic way with words, you broke form, holding Eris close as you slow danced to no music, just the sound of his heart beating with yours.

~~~

Weeks passed, and before you knew it, the Autumnal Equinox was around the corner. It was an obscenely grand celebration in the court - for obvious reasons - and you had spent weeks helping plan the festivities and having fittings for your gown. 

The Equinox was a twenty-four hour celebration, recognizing the equal hours of day and night as the season turned - but the night festivities were the highlight of the year, when the grand ball was held. The ball always began as a formal, civilized affair, but around midnight inevitably devolved into hedonism and debauchery that put Calanmai to shame.

You smirked at your form in the mirror, the shimmering ruby dress adorned with gold-toned leaves accentuating your figure perfectly. A knock on your door sounded, and one of your ladies-in-waiting who had helped ready you for the evening answered it with the excitement that you all shared amongst yourselves. Eris let out a soft laugh though the doorway at her eager expression, but all joking disappeared from his face as he looked to you. 

Eris stumbled back a step as he admired you, the slightest bit of silver lining his eyes as he let out a small gasp. “You look... ethereal, my Lady,” Eris breathed, his eyes never leaving yours as he held out his arm for you to take. 

You arrived at the ball, Eris seemingly still dazed by your appearance as the grand doors swung open to reveal the room of people. Many males watched as you entered, anyone who dared approach you earning a frightening snarl from Eris. You didn’t mind, leaning into his warmth as he wrapped an arm protectively around you and led you through the crowd.

Swiping champagne from a serving tray, Eris handed a glass to you and toasted to the beginning of Autumn. You watched the dancing for awhile, admiring the twirl of skirts and the rhythm of the music as they spun around the floor, all the while Eris gossiping about court politics and scandals that had you snickering in amusement. You had finished your drink, leaning into Eris’s side when the dance ended, and with a wicked gleam in his eye, Eris took your champagne flute, setting it down as he pulled you to the floor.

“Eris! I can’t dance here, I haven’t had enough practice for this yet,” you whispered as he smiled down at you with a twinkle in his eye. “You’ll do just fine, vixen. Just like we practiced - and I’m always here to catch you if you fall.” You felt the deeper emotion behind his words, taking hold of his hand as you lifted your chin and settled into practiced form. 

The swell of the violin signaled the start of the dance, and Eris led you in a waltz as the orchestra played, groups of people stopping to watch as you fumbled your way through the motions. “Breathe, my love,” Eris whispered in your ear - just before you stumbled. Holding onto one of your hands, Eris spun you in a perfect circle before catching your waist, dipping you as if your mistake was a practiced maneuver. People cheered from the sides, impressed by your skill while you and Eris continued the dance. You felt like a princess, your own skirt flaring out as you spun around the ballroom with the love of your life. 

The dance ended, Eris pulling you in for a deep kiss as the crowd again clapped for you. The adrenaline from the performance was coursing through your veins, and you hadn’t registered your surroundings until you felt the cool breeze of night air against your skin. Standing with Eris on the balcony, you smiled so hard your face hurt as you pulled him in for a passionate kiss. “This was the best night of my life. Better than any of my dreams,” you whispered, tucking a strand of fiery red hair behind Eris’s ear.

“The night isn’t over yet,” Eris said, a mischievous hint in his tone as he let you go, walking back to take a paper lantern from the staff. You looked around the yard, realizing it must be nearly midnight as you took in the people scattered about with their own lanterns ready. The clock struck, clanging out as Eris lit your lantern with his flame, and you sent it up into the sky with the others. 

You watched the lanterns float away in the night until they disappeared over the horizon, turning to Eris. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you felt his own settle over your back and you whispered, “so what now, my love?” Eris let out a dark chuckle. “After midnight is when the real debauchery begins.” With that, you were winnowed back to your bedroom, Eris looking at you with a deeply hungry expression, tilting your chin to look at him. “And you wouldn’t believe the debauched things I plan to do to you tonight, little vixen.”

[milliesfishes]

⋆౨ৎTender is the Night (Part Two)⋆౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: mentions of death/dying, angst pairing: billy the kid x fem reader summary: fem reader x ghost billy the kid author’s note: (modern au) based partially on @goosita ghost billy au (which I've been dying for an excuse to write for) which is based on lisa frankenstein (love) Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

The threads separating life and death are gossamer, as fine as spiderwebs and nearly as breakable. It is a ragged veil that hangs over mortality, fluttering in an invisible wind and offering those encased a glimpse of the other side.

He was nearly a shadow, clinging to the edges of the graveyard, haunting without really haunting. It was as if he’d been swallowed except for the final drop left in his shape, retaining the same pain as someone breathing.

All this time he'd thought the world cruel for keeping him here with no purpose- just aimlessly wandering with nothing but his own thoughts to accompany him. He was well aware that punishment was reasonable- he hadn't exactly been a good man.

Maybe not so bad a man as he'd thought. Not if you'd come his way.

You spent your free time with him, lying side by side with him on the grassy expanse of his grave. Sometimes you brought homework or a book with you, sometimes you played music. And sometimes you abandoned all of it in favor of listening to him.

Slowly, he began to tell you about his few years on earth. Of his passage to America. Of the deaths of his family. How he was thrust into the life of an outlaw without so much as a say. You listened fascinatedly, like nobody else had. Even while he'd had a beating heart and air in his lungs he hadn't been such a point of fascination to anybody. No, he'd been simply existing, no better than his current ghostly form.

Billy felt more alive with you than he ever had when he was breathing.

“How do you think we’d have met in your time?” you murmured one day, lying on your side with your hair tumbling down over your shoulders like a waterfall.

Billy hummed, his hand half wound through a strand. "Maybe at the bar one night. I'd buy you a drink 'n we'd get to talkin'."

You giggled, leaning your cheek on your hand. "I'd have liked that."

"Me too," was his response, murmured as he watched you watch him. Suddenly the great divide between life and death didn't seem as prominent. It was such a delicate thing, yet unbreakable.

Two souls, existing in the wrong space of time. Maybe that was the reason he was made to haunt the earth so long after his supposed permanent disappearance. Maybe all these years of being lonely and feeling neglected were paid for the gift of you.

"I wasn't a good man," he confessed, tracing stars onto your arm and imagining them taking shape, leaving patterns that marked the fact that he was real to you. It was still unclear why exactly he was able to touch you now. Or why you were able to see him. But you were the common denominator. It couldn't be a coincidence that the best thing to happen to him in a century and the revelation of his existence had overlapped. "Dunno if that's been absolved...with death 'n all. But it stays with me. 's if it was yesterday."

You hummed, fingers twiddling with a blade of grass before your wrist. He knew nearly every quirk about you at this point, could read you like a map, chart the nature of what you were about to say. But he'd never deem to guess exactly what that would be. You had a way of surprising him in the best of ways. "You know...I don't believe in the idea of people being good or bad."

"Hm?" Billy blinked at you, the pads of his fingers pausing their motions on your skin.

Turning your head to face the sky, blue in all its glory with fluffy white clouds adorning the expanse of it, you let your eyelashes touch your cheek once before continuing. "People are full of a million intentions and thoughts and feelings. Not all of them can be defined. Not all of them are ever revealed. I don't think it's all measured up against us."

Billy let the quiet talk for a moment as he thought about it, the idea taking space, filling the gap more wholly than guilt ever could. His features lightened, and you smiled at the sight, moving forward and reaching for his hand. He expected your fingers to pass through his form, occupy the space inside the outline. But instead your warm palm sat atop his knuckles, making you both look up.

“Did…?” your question trailed off, as if you weren’t exactly sure what you should be asking.

“Yes.” Billy turned his palm over, letting yours touch it. He was in utter disbelief. First he could touch you and now you could touch him. Something was brightening from the inside, warming him and lighting everything up. It intensified when he looked at you, watching the way your lips parted, the wonder fill your eyes. It was like you were seeing him for the first time.

After that, it was like you couldn't keep your hands off each other. Whenever you came over you were touching him in some way; holding his hand, rubbing his arm, or his personal favorite- lying with your head on his chest. It almost made him feel like a person again, lying among the flowers with a pretty girl in his arms.

With every day, he could feel the weight of emotions he hadn't felt in decades holding him to earth, as if heaven or hell wouldn't let him in due to his love.

Due to his love.

He realized it one day as you were lazily resting with your hair spread across him, and he was thumbing your cheek. In your hands was a copy of Romeo and Juliet, one of your favorites, you'd told him. Every now and then you'd stop and read a passage to him, and he'd smile, enchanted by your love for it.

“Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night,” you recited, and he could hear your smile in your voice.

My heart didn't love until now, he thought casually. And then it hit him, a rod of lightning from the sky.

You were his sun, his moon. You were the light after centuries of darkness. You cared for him, astounded him with your sweetness, with your view of the world. This had to be the reason he could now touch you. because you were his reason for everything now.

You made him feel alive again.

Once he realized it, he felt frozen. He was a ghost in love with a living girl. Billy had never heard anything more hopeless. He felt as though he were yelling into a void. Before he had thanked the higher powers for gifting you to him, but now he was sure this was some kind of torment. Bringing the sweetest, kindest girl he'd ever known into his afterlife and making it so he couldn't have her. Was there ever a crueler thing?

You looked up at him with the most darling of smiles then, shifting on his chest and reaching up for his hand while keeping hold of the book. Billy couldn't help his smile, and he tangled his fingers with yours. An abundance of that old familiar glowing feeling warmed him again, and he disregarded all previous thoughts.

You were worth every bit of it.

tagging @kellielovesmovies because <3 also HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN!!!!!

[bendydudeinc]

This is my first time asking for something, but could you write about Izuku x Reader trapped in a small space, perhaps like a quirk accident that happened, and Izuku and reader were both trapped in a box or room, it could be anything. Or like after class and have to hide in a cabinet or anything related to that ig. If you want, of course, could I be smut. It's up to you if you want to add kinks, but I really like this idea, and I've had it for a while. I hope ots not weird. Thanks, and good luck! ☆

I gotchu😏 I got a bit ahead of myself with this one, hopefully it isn’t too far off what you wanted!

Boxed in with #1

PAIRING: Izuku x AFAB nonbinary reader

CONTENT: SMUT BARELY ANY PLOT, you and pro hero Izuku get stuck in a quirk accident together

CONTENT WARNINGs: Praise, size kink, slight public play, claiming/cum kink, sex in tight places, slight choking kink, consent is hot as hell, vocal Izuku is a sweetie during sex, reader is called darling, baby

H/n - hero name

=====================

You walked down the streets of Tokyo with your head up confidently, scanning for possible crime or anything abnormal. Fans pointed as their faces lit up, squealing when you turn to wave in their direction. You smiled to yourself, you loved being a hero. It made you feel so happy to see people that looked up to you, that felt moved by your ideologies and heroic efforts. You were so grateful that you made it up the hero chart so quick, but it still felt so surreal to you sometimes. So surreal that you’re really a pro hero. The number ten hero, h/n. It felt even more surreal that you graduated along side and were now working with Japan’s number one hero, Deku. You pressed on the small intercom device used for communication in your ear.

“Everything good over there number one?” The intercom sizzled before you got a response.

“Good here h/n, no new activity to report. You want to grab a bite? It’s about lunch already.”

Your face lights up, “Yeah, I’d like that. Wanna get some Katsudon?”

You giggled when he excitedly agreed, making your way to the restaurant you’d always go to together for his favorite food. You shook your head in attempt dismissal of any romantic thoughts of him. You knew that you two were just friends and worked together, but you couldn’t help the electricity you felt every time you were around him. The urge to melt into your seat whenever he made eye contact. The dorky smile that wouldn’t leave your face no matter how hard you tried as you listened to him fanboy. The warmth you felt in your heart when he showed his concern and care for you. His passionate personality and sincerity drew you like a moth to a flame. You couldn’t even help yourself from staring at his tall, strong, toned figure at times. His muscles were huge, but not obnoxious. His eyes and smile were absolutely gorgeous, you’d stare and giggle like a four year old for hours at them if you could. His jawline could probably cut the tension you had in half too. He looked like a God. You swore he’d caught you a couple times, to which you got flustered like crazy and completely brushed it off. You didn’t know he’d smirk to himself, definitely aware that you check him out. Everything about him just drove you crazy. You may have been a hero team, but the chemistry below the surface was blossoming like bunches of daisies every minute you spent together.

You arrived near the entrance to the restaurant, waving at Deku as he noticed you approaching and smiled. That expression quickly changed to seriousness and worry, and before you could ask, blue electricity formed around him and he was tackling you onto the pavement. You flinched, Deku shielding your fall as much as possible. You groaned and opened your eyes to see…nothing…..pitch black.

“Deku? Is this a villain attack?!” You started to get up to prepare for a fight, but bumped hard into Deku above you who groaned in pain, your hands then feeling around the solid cold walls at your sides that trapped you.

“I think someone’s quirk went out of control! The woman I saw across the street didn’t look like she had malicious intent, but I saw this…cement stuff coming out of both of her hands. She looked panicked.” Deku did his best to stabilize himself above you as you hit your hand against the hard cement on your sides, though to no avail.

“My quirk won’t be any good for this. You can use yours, would work perfect for this right?” You ask in a slight panic.

“Not when I’m s-so close in proximity to someone. There’s not enough space for me to safely use my power without hurting you, possibly seriously injuring you. Let’s wait here until someone can help or t-that lady figures out how to free us.”

You looked up to where his face would be in the dark, his stuttering making you now very aware of how close he is to you. You could feel his breath on your face, his legs and hips on yours. Your face burned red, and you prayed that he couldn’t see you too, or hear your breathing slowly getting heavier. You tried to shift your position but in the dark, not so easy. You nudged Deku off his balance, making him fall directly on top of you. His head fell into in the crook of your neck, waist and chest pressing against yours snuggly. The feel of his lips right next to your skin sent chills down your spine, butterflies pooling in your lower tummy. You bit your lip hard. He made a surprised sound and quickly propped himself on both of his forearms. You heard him start to stammer out an apology, but your body reacted without you being able to control it. You sighed out loud, your hips slightly rocking up to grind against his; too overwhelmed by the excitement of finally feeling him against you to realize what you’re doing.

“H-hey, what are you- crap.” His arms flexed on either sides of your head. You wanted to cry. You were so embarrassed, but you didn’t say anything. You were too scared too..until your eyes widened when you felt something press against your crotch. All fears of judgement and embarrassment slowly disappeared. Did he…like this?

He made a quiet noise of arousal as he began to cautiously grind down onto you, “You…you sneaky thing. Oh gods~”

Your body flutters with pleasure at the sound, hearing him so close to your ear. It was all so good, the sexual tension building for months finally slipping as you let the heat take over. You almost couldn’t believe your best friend and the number one hero really felt this way about you like you did for him. He began kissing your neck, nipping teasingly at your skin, listening for when he hit your sensitive spots. You suck in a breath and whine, tilting your head back when he latched onto one. He groaned, pulling away slowly after leaving a nice purple mark that he’d later aqpologize for. He doesn’t know his own strength

He hummed, happy with the reaction he got from you. He continued kissing your neck, stopping to whisper sweet nothings in your ear in between. “Hey I- I’ve always wanted you. I stare at your lips a lot because I wish more than anything to kiss them. I dream about holding you, about making you feel good. Making you- making you moan my name. I want this with you. I wanna make you feel better than anyone else could ever h-hope to measure up to. Fuck- I need more of you baby, please tell me..do you want me?”

You writhed under him in response, feeling your pussy clench around nothing. He wrapped one of his hands gently around your throat, earning a hard tug on his curls. The harsh grind of his cock against you said he liked it. He tightened his grip, his long fingers sinking into the sides of your neck. You were in shock, falling headfirst deep into the hole of lust, you could barely even think.

“Answer me my darling please talk to me, I want you s-so bad. Tell me. Do you want me? Want me to make you f-feel good?” He panted, struggling to shift, but managing to grab both of your arms, pinning them at your sides as you experimentally wrapped your legs around him. You moaned, the feeling of him keeping you down making you feel so small. His erection only grew, teasing your clit as he sensually moved against you. Your thighs twitched in anticipation around him.

You want to scream with joy as you reply, “Yes! Yes I’ve always wanted you so bad, I feel the same way Deku please, keep touching me?”

He moaned at your confession, gripping your arms tighter and rutting his hips into yours. By then, your eyes had adjusted to the dark, able to make out the side of his face and some of his hair. You figured it was the same for him as he pulled back as much as he could to lock eyes with you. His beautiful green eyes glowed lime with desire when he saw how needy you looked. He grinned wide, his expression shifting to one of confidence and determination. He leaned in to kiss you, and you felt like your entire body exploded with fireworks as your lips met his. You both moaned and whined into the kiss, deepening it as he showed his dominance over you, his tongue overpowering yours. You began struggling against his hold, wanting to challenge him. He pushed down on your arms harder, re-enforcing his power over you. You moan loudly nto the kiss, and he couldn’t help but laugh, backing away to observe you.

“Y-you really like that don’t you? Knowing I can hold you down like this?” His tone was curious, but demanding. You stared into his dilated desperate eyes, nodding your head frantically.

“Mmmm, do I have consent to do whatever I want with you honey?” He cooed into your ear, making you whimper uncontrollably, bucking your hips in need for him.

“Fuck. Yes Izuku please have your way with me, I want you to fuck your cum deep inside of me and make me all yours! I’ve been waiting so long…too long..do whatever you want!”

His eyes darkened, letting out the most slutty, strangled moan you’ve ever heard. He let go of your arms, scrambling to slip off your costume from the waist down. You helped him as he balanced on one hand to unzip his as well. You still couldn’t see completely clear in the dark, but you could tell he was big as he pulled his leaking cock out. It looked really thick. It made your mind race, almost cumming right then as you imagined the stretch. He started rubbing the length up and down your swollen clit, hissing as it got coated in your slick. You were going brain dead, whining like a dog as he teased your poor desperate hole.

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna feel so good I promise darling. Gonna stretch out your wet pussy s-so good ok? I love you. I love you, gonna make you all mine baby.” All you could do was nod, practically crying for him to put it in.

He whispered in your ear, “Hang onto me.” You obliged, wrapping your arms around his large shoulders as he slipped it inside of you. The feeling was inhuman, like a rubber band was going to snap so hard inside of you it might make you see heaven. You scratched down his back hard, each inch making you see a new galaxy of stars as you cried out. He moaned loud, resisting from pounding into you. Both of you lost in this moment, completely forgot that this is happening in…public.

He groans and shivers. “Doing so good baby look at you sucking me in. Almost all the way. D-does that feel good?”

“Yes! You feel so g-good Izuku oh my god. S’big, the stretch is gonna m-make me cum~”

He blushed hard, unaware before that his dick being girthier than average could be such a turn on for somebody.

“Good. I’m so glad. Go on then, feel good b-baby cum on me. Cum on my cock so hard.” He slammed the rest of his length inside of you and began a medium pace, mouth opening in a silent scream as he heard the lewd noises your dripping cunt made. Your bodies felt so right meshing together; you moaned in harmony, your scratching motivating him to go faster. He kissed you deeply to quiet some of your screams as you came almost immediately, the pleasure of him ramming precisely into your g spot too much for you to handle. You gasped as he pulled back to catch his breath.

You needed him. More. You needed him so bad it hurt. “Oh my god- oh my god cum inside of me Izuku! Please! Fill me up, I need it! Gonna cum again with you~!”

His hips stuttered, gripping your waist with the strength to leave a mark as his eyes rolled back, whimpering into your ear as he fucked into you harder than ever. Slap slap slap could probably be heard by anyone within a twenty foot distance. He choked out a loud moan and came inside of you. His last thrust was almost unbearably rough, holding you still on his cock as it sat deep inside of you, cumming against your most sensitive spots. You were too lost in the moment to even realize he had moved slightly to play with your clit, making you squirt as he came, the rubber band snapping hard as you gushed around his cock. He collapsed completely on top of you, both of your cum and juices leaking from around his cock and down your ass and thighs. You both laid together, holding each other close and giggling from the love drunk feeling.

“Did you- did you like that?” He asked as he caught his breath, kissing your neck sweetly.

“You- you’re wondering that while you just made me squirt, Izuku.”

You both laughed and continued praising each other, almost forgetting that help was supposed to come soon. Neither of you complained

“Oh and Izuku? I love you too.”

[prettyboykatsuki]

how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

[gatitties]

The end?

─Yandere!bonten x assassin!reader

─Summary: You're sick of all the chasing and you want to put an end to this whole game of cat and dog

─Warnings: toxic behavior, blood, obsession, stalking, suicide attempt, violence, yandere stuff

@epitios here you go!, and for everyone who was waiting for a third part too😌

Part One / Part Two

You collapsed on the floor of your apartment, your breathing quickening and gasping, the sound of your heart pounding in your ears so loud you thought your eardrum was going to explode at that very moment. You covered your mouth as you moved slowly to the closet, the front door opening.

"Dammit, you said this was the exact location, you useless Sanzu."

"Shut up, at least I've gotten enough clues to find something solid."

Rindou rolled his eyes inspecting your apartment, you swallowed dryly, trying to calm your panic attack, you slowly pushed a lever inside the small space, a small door opened next to you, you crouched down to enter through the narrow secret passage, closing behind you just as the closet doors opened.

"Nothing around here…"

"Look at this, at least we know someone has fled from here."

Rin smiled when he saw the almost cold food in the kitchen, a maniacal smile on the drug addict's face when he saw that he had hit the nail on the head, he supposed that you had escaped from them in time, but how much longer would you hold out? They were already too close. They both warned the others to search the surroundings but they couldn't find you, Mikey was starting to get impatient with this search.

You narrowly missed their radar since the guy with the stupid braid, as you knew Mochizuki, almost caught you sneaking through the alleys of the city. It was stressful, you were on the brink of collapse right now, you had spent five months playing hide-and-seek with this stupid mafia, you had practically given up the dirty jobs underground just to survive the Bonten executives. They pushed you over the edge because you never seemed to have more than a couple of days to have to find a new place or personality to adopt to throw them off, you had frequent nightmares, anxiety attacks, your life was turned upside down right now and you wanted to end all this shit.

You were young, definitely many years of life ahead, but you already felt rotten inside, you had experienced many things, pleasant and unpleasant, all this 'game' with Bonten only made what little sanity you had kept go overboard, your work wasn't a pleasant thing to do and now they've got your mind blown.

"Well, this will be the final point, I don't care about anything anymore, they won't need to look for me anymore, damn stalker psychopaths."

You looked at your figure in the mirror one last time with dead eyes, your favorite clothes on, all you had on you was a gun with a bullet in it, you left a note for the guy you rented the apartment from earlier that day, apologizing for give him so much trouble, you sent your parents one last message even though they didn't deserve a look from you, you felt that the fairest thing was for them to know that at least you wouldn't see them again even if they wanted to.

A shaky sigh escaped your lips as you looked at the imposing building, it's not like it was the first time you've infiltrated, the truth is that if you could go back in time you would choose not to have come that day and threaten those men to leave you alone, you only made things worse, but today you would put an end to it.

As you infiltrated like last time, everyone was gathered, confused by the message they had found while tracking you down, Kokonoi left the crumpled note on the round table after reading it.

"It doesn't make sense, run away and now ask to see each other? isn't that weird?"

Takeomi nodded, no one would be stupid enough to want to meet their potential kidnappers and stalkers on their own turf, but anyway, they were all prepared and armed depending on what happened.

"And if it is only a decoy?"

Ran straightened up in his seat, fiddling with his braids, Kakucho got up to look through the vents, where you came in the other time.

"Whatever it is we can only wait, it's not like she can go very far, we have contacts everywhere."

Mikey remained silent the entire time, the others talked creating theories of your next move, he just stared blankly, fleeting memories of you in his mind, you were just a whim, but he wanted you to bow down to him, no one had ever had the courage to threaten him so openly and escape for so long, you would be like a trophy to him, what happened next, he didn't care much.

His eyes moved slightly towards the restored window that you broke, remembering how your body rushed into the void falling into the darkness of the night, he narrowed his eyes when he thought he saw something strange move near the window, like a reflection of someone who didn't was in the room.

"The window…"

His murmur almost goes unnoticed if it weren't for the fact that everyone fell silent at the right moment, they almost broke their necks to look at the window, at that very moment they all covered themselves because the glass exploded, falling all over the place, again, you positioned yourself on top of the table with a dominant stance, even though your mind was thinking that in this situation you were anything but the one dominating the stupid game you've been playing for months.

"Catch her!"

"Don't touch me!"

You kicked Kakucho, moving to avoid Mochizuki's arms, holding everyone at bay until Mikey rose from his seat, ordering everyone to stay put, your chest heaving from the short but intense fight, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of all those men.

"I think you came here to make a deal, right? We hear you."

The boss smiled when he saw that you lowered your guard, he knew that whatever you said he was not going to accept, right now, on his 'land', you had no say, you were under their control at this moment, he thought that you had abandoned, that you you were going to surrender before them like everyone else, they had succeeded, they had hunted you.

"Yes… I came to say some last words to the people who have finished ruining my life, it's something very important! so listen carefully, I won't repeat it again…" you waited a few seconds to give tension, everyone held their breath waiting for your words, almost anticipating a victory because they caught you in their clutches and that you would have given yourself up "Fuck you! If anyone is going to ruin my life it will be me! I hope we don't meet in hell, whores!"

You quickly moved your hand to reach for your pistol, clamped it to your jaw and fired, blood splattering on the faces of Mikey, Kokonoi and Sanzu, your body falling into the arms of the Haitani brothers, who carefully grabbed you.

"Fuck… that was close."

Rindou muttered seeing how you had only fainted, his brother had managed to reach you before you tried to take your life in front of everyone, he moved your body enough so that the bullet that threatened to dethrone part of your face and skull, only grazed your right cheek and ear, you would surely lose some hearing and you would have a new scar much more visible from now on.

They all looked at each other in silence, Takeomi had taken it upon himself to call a doctor to treat your injuries, they had already done it, there was no way for you to get out of their control easily, you had no way out, you were brave enough to face them a second time and attempting suicide in front of them, Sanzu was delighted by your performance, he couldn't wait to have you with him and all the things he could do, the others having a similar feeling, unlike you, waking up and finding yourself in that situation was not what did you imagine, being trapped with a group of psychopaths, you needed to get out of there no matter what, maybe your attempt to end everything was unsuccessful, but you can always have second chances, you don't care about the cost, you wouldn't give them the pleasure of seeing you bow down to them.

[t00thpasteface]

I never considered hawkahey before but I love it! Father is so calm and sweet except when worked up, whereas Hawkeye is always so acerbic and snarky except with the ones that he loves. The very definition of dog and cat boyfriends. :3 Thank you for opening my eyes!!

YAY!!!! welcome to the club!!!

the big thing i like about hawkahy, besides the ten metric tons of narrative symbolism they can carry together, is the way i think they resist a lot of your typical shippy/romcom templates. i've spent a LOT of time in fandom spaces over the years and i've gotten mostly pretty tired of the same formulas, especially when half the time it requires chopping off canon aspects of either/both characters just to make them fit. at least, i try to be conscious of a few different red/blue, this/that dichotomies when i write/draw them, and play around with the sorts of expectations one might have for them both as individuals and as a pair.

i actually have A Lot Of Thoughts about this so i'm gonna put my yapping under a readmore:

i think the show itself does a lot to twist expectations, by virtue of having begun as a satirical comedy (which is still what i think it does best), a genre which relies very heavily on ironic inversions of common character/social archetypes that the audience would be coming in with preestablished tastes/expectations for. hawkeye seems like a self-centered hedonist, but he's also highly introspective and articulate, so he's often quite capable of waxing poetic about why and how he does what he does, instead of just acting on raw instinct with no higher thought. meanwhile, mulcahy's entire thesis as a character is just lampshading or inverting every expected feature of a priest character; if he's the "father", then the other personnel are latchkey kids. the last thing i want to do is flatten any of that!

here's some specific tropes i try to keep in mind and intentionally upset, whether explicitly or implicitly, in my hawkahy art/fic:

hawkeye as the aggressive boundary-violator, mulcahy as the helpless victim having his lines crossed— hawkeye can be pretty pushy and insistent, but he's not one to commit actual assault, especially not to someone who wouldn't hurt a fly. even in an early-seasons scenario, i don't think he would move much faster than what mulcahy's comfortable with, at least not with anything more serious than jokes and come-ons; i think he prefers to awaken things in people and encourage them to loosen up, rather than pull them along by himself.

also, mulcahy is not a pushover; he just knows when to pick his battles and prefers to bite his tongue. he's certainly blown up on hawkeye before. it would also be fairly easy for mulcahy to throw hawkeye over his shoulder or snap the guy in half like a twig if he wanted to. when mulcahy does get pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do, it's the focus of an entire episode, i.e. the exception that proves the rule. if hawkeye's going to tempt him into something, it'll be because he really wanted to deep down and thus made that conscious choice, not because he got drunk at a party and hawkeye decided to try and cop a feel.

hawkeye as someone who needs a tumultous relationship and thus won't be satisfied by stability— i talked more about this in a previous post, but i think hawkeye does want to settle down eventually. like i said, he comes off as a hopeless romantic. we know he watched a lot of movies; he almost certainly grew up on those "screwball comedies" that were so big in the 30s and featured neurotic nutjobs pratfalling their way into a genuine happily-ever-after. i don't think he'd want to settle down with just anybody, nor do i think he really places a lot of value in fulfilling those milestones of "get married by X age, buy a house with Y rooms, and pump out Z kids" just for the sake of fulfilling them and keeping up with the joneses, but i think he'd love to marry for love. again, he was certainly planning on it before the war, and he admitted that he's still carrying a lot of hurt from having that domestic future taken away from him so abruptly.

mulcahy as the innocent ingenue— this one is complex, and of course i'll preface this by saying i'm predisposed to not being all that intrigued or entertained by genuinely innocent characters. i find them to be something of a nonstarter, narratively speaking. beyond that, they tend to be unrealistic in certain settings and demographics. yes, there will always be people living in a bubble for every possible background and age group, but i find it implausible that a man could be 30 or 40 years old and enlisted in the military and still somehow be as naive as a sea sponge in a pineapple.

mulcahy is definitely not all that worldly, and starts off with a somewhat myopic view of his role in the grand scheme of things, particularly as it pertains to the motivations and effects of missionary work. he did join the military of his own volition, but i also think the mulcahy we see at the end of the war (and even at several points in the middle of it) is not the same mulcahy that volunteered to be here in the first place. what's more, we see from lines like "i know all about motels" or his hesitance to say hello to his family on camera that he probably picked up a lot of the hard lessons and ugly experiences that are typical growing up working-class in a big city. i think it's a disservice, both to the character and to the broader themes of the show, to assume that mulcahy's optimism and cheeriness must come from a place of inexperience. yes, he has plenty of room to grow, but he wasn't born yesterday, and i think his optimism is far more the result of a conscious choice to do good than an innocence to the evil in the world.

as for sexual stuff in particular, he mostly reacts to hawkeye's promiscuity with knowing winks and smiles, and even jokes with him about it, which i think is pretty clearly enabling him. sure, he bolts out of those VD talks, but with henry's public speaking skills, can you really blame him for eagerly excusing himself? plus, he has a strong incentive to act more innocent than he really is, because if he plays dumb, it means he won't be preemptively excluded from the conversation by people who think he's easily offended by bawdier talk. he may not be up to date on all the slang, nor is he always observant of certain subtle cues, but he's not a pearl-clutcher; that role is fulfilled by frank, margaret, and charles, so it would be redundant to make mulcahy also gasp and scold people like hawkeye for having premarital sex. mulcahy largely serves to validate hawkeye as being in the right in these disputes. which brings me to:

hawkeye as the amoral maniac, mulcahy as the moral compass— this one especially flies in the face of the spirit of the show, i think. hawkeye is doing his absolute fucking best! he would do anything to save a life, and it doesn't matter whose. he's willing to run into active artillery fire to rescue enemy soldiers, to stay behind and monitor a patient while the camp moves out, and to potentially get himself killed just to stand by his principle of never carrying a gun. he sleeps around as a coping mechanism, but more than that, i think he also does it out of a genuine desire to share some happiness with others in an otherwise miserable and dehumanizing place.

even mulcahy doesn't care that hawkeye does all that other stuff on the side. he wouldn't do a lot of it himself, but that's not an issue to him. again, his entire schtick as a character is being "unpriestly" to comedic/dramatic effect, like winning at poker, getting drunk before a sermon, etc.; he's far more accommodating than he is preachy. he has a profound respect for hawkeye that can be seen even in season one, because hawkeye always looks out for the frightened and vulnerable, and that's what matters to him above all else. mulcahy loathes lip service and values action over feel-good talk, which means he cares more about hawkeye doing the right thing than the superficially squeaky-clean thing.

pairing hawkeye with mulcahy invites some incredibly rich commentary on what "morality" even means, but i think getting hung up on the fact that hawkeye drinks, gambles, and has a LOT of premarital sex is completely missing the point and only reinforcing the puritan ideals that mash itself is trying so hard to upset and dissect.

the cute, sweet, blushy, short one is the sub and/or bottom— nah son. hawkeye is always talking about getting pregnant. mulcahy works out and likes to roughhouse. you do the math here.

ALL THIS TO SAY... i really encourage people to look beyond the stereotypes of horndog and cinnamon roll, or frat boy and nerd, or whatever other thought-terminating cliche one may be tempted to apply to these guys. hawkeye is a sleaze, but he's also sensitive and articulate. mulcahy is a sweetheart, but he's stubborn and resilient. they both go so much deeper than the superficial tropes, and what makes them work so well as a couple IS their ability to bring out those interesting, lesser-known facets in each other, both as characters interacting with each other and as symbols placed in juxtaposition to serve the themes of the show.

[toboldlygohome]

"Please..."

Mark Watney X Reader

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the pain of losing your boyfriend on Sol 6. But you were even less prepared to find out that he didn't die. You left him there. Alone.

Character(s): Mark Watney, Beth Johanssen, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez.

Warning(s): Descriptions of grief, Mentions of death, Cursing (lots of it), Mildly sexual themes (nothing explicit), Mentions of malnourishment.

A/N: I absolutely adore The Martian, but I've noticed a criminally low amount of fan content for it, so I decided to make some! I've decided to follow more closely to the book plot rather than the movie (Just because I like the dialogue more and it's more scientifically accurate). However, there will be a couple scenes from the movie sprinkled in just because I thought they were fun. I hope you enjoy!

It was the morning of Sol 6 and you were up early to make some coffee before your EVA mission. The past few days on Mars had been busy, but far more rewarding than you could have ever imagined. You were one of the geologists in the Ares 3 crew, along with Commander Lewis of course. Mars, to you, was a playground of science. A giant sphere of discovery you couldn't wait to explore.

Today's EVA was to gather samples from near the hab. You had seen plenty of rocks on the way in that you needed to overturn almost as much as you needed oxygen to breathe.

You sensed a hand on the small of your back and felt goosebumps trail up your spine. "Morning Y/L/N. Anything to report?" A playful voice proclaimed.

"Other than bland coffee and terrible sleep, nothing of interest~" You turned back and smiled at your boyfriend. He brushed his thumb over a patch of exposed skin on your lower back before pulling his hand away.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sleep under Martinez, bastard was tossing and turning all night." He smirked as he made his own cup. "I'm barely getting by, the only thing keeping me grounded is this bland ass coffee."

You snickered and rolled your eyes. "Poor baby," You teased.

You and Mark Watney had been together for almost three years, in secret of course. NASA isn't exactly fond of sending couples into space where they might throw caution to the wind and procreate in transit. You were professionals, this mission was something you both had been looking forward to since it was announced. But that wouldn't stop the Space Administration from removing you both from Ares 3.

Nobody knew you were together. Not NASA, not your families, not even the crew knew of your relationship. As far as anyone was concerned, you were just great friends (inseparable in fact). You went out for dinners, went on morning jogs together, spent late nights gaming and going over the mission handbook. Everyone knew you confided in one another and worked incredibly as a team. But nobody would have guessed that instead of playing Yahtzee together on your evenings off, Mark was slowly and deliciously making you breathless with his lips, melting you with his touch.

Once the mission actually started, it was much harder than anticipated to cut out the physical affection. There were cameras everywhere on the ship and absolutely no way to hide from them. The only place for privacy was the bathrooms, but you had a rather close call that involved Mark dragging you there under the guise of helping him with his laptop (which obviously earned an eyebrow raise from Johanssen,) only for him to kiss you with the desperation of a man dying of thirst. You were nearly caught by Beck and you both decided not to risk it again. Luckily, you and Watney were a couple of problem solvers.

Instead of kisses, you resorted to touching. A hand on the back, an arm on the shoulder, a nudge of the elbow. Casual touch became your replacement for intimacy.

Mark pulled a smug smile and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "You know what Y/N, I am a poor baby. But I can think of something that would make me feel better..." He whispered close to your ear. You flushed and playfully shoved him back.

"In your dreams Watney." You scoffed but your hand lingered on his stomach, earning a cheeky grin from the botanist.

"How'd you know?" He laughed, glancing down at your lips briefly. You knew what he was thinking: that it had been awhile and maybe he could risk just a little peck. Mark was a reckless one, that's for sure.

"Guys, quit flirting so loudly. I was trying to get a few minutes extra sleep before Lewis pulls out the bugle," Beck strolled in and grabbed a ration packet.

"Flirting? With him?" You asked incredulously, jabbing your thumb toward Mark.

"And vice versa," Beck shrugged.

"You must be seeing things, maybe we should call a doctor?" Watney sassily took a sip of his drink.

"Hilarious," Beck replied. Chris had been fighting for you and Mark to get together for about as long as you've known him (which is a decent number of years, in case you were wondering.) Little did he know you had already jumped that fence. You felt bad for keeping it from him, but you were sure he'd understand given his thing with Johanssen.

"Oh good, you guys are already up." Lewis sighed "hey, can one of you wake up Martinez? He's not listening to a single word I say."

You gave Watney a sidelong glance. He groaned and downed the rest of his terrible space coffee. "Yeah sure, I can go get the bastard. I'll give him a piece of my mind while I'm at it." Mark stomped off to the bunks and Lewis followed him. You casually sat beside Beck, who gave you a knowing smile.

"You know Chris, it would probably happen on its own if you didn't push it so much." You mumbled against the rim of your cup in an attempt to hide a smile.

"It's obvious he likes you too. Practically written all over his face," Beck said. "Honestly though, you two don't even realize when you're flirting. It's kind of incredible."

You huffed, "Now's not the best time for all that, you know."

"I know, I know. Just, keep it on the table okay?"

"Whatever you say Dr. Beck," You snickered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an EVA to prep for."

Chris rolled his eyes and poked at the food on his plate, "you're excused."

~~~

"Alright team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today." Lewis announced.

"How's it looking over there Watney?" Martinez asked.

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that in grid section 14/28, the particles are predominantly coarse. But in 29 they're uh... much finer. That should be ideal for chem analysis."

"Oh wow! did everyone hear that? Mark just discovered dirt! Should we alert the media?" Martinez teased. Mark glanced up at you, but you couldn't see his face behind the helmet.

"Hey, you better watch it fly boy. I'm working this grid too!" You laughed.

"Sorry, what are you doing today Martinez? Making sure the MAV is still upright?" You could hear the smirk in Mark's voice.

"Well, I'd like you to know that visual inspection of the equipment is imperative to mission success," Rick preached. "I'd also like to report that the MAV is still upright."

You and Mark giggled as you worked on the grid. "Watney, you're keeping your channel open, which leads to Martinez responding, which leads to all of us listening, which leads to me being annoyed," Lewis scolded halfheartedly.

"Roger that, Martinez the captain would like you to please uh," Mark looked at you for approval and continued. "Shut your smart mouth."

Rick cackled and you playfully nudged Mark on the shoulder.

"We'd prefer you use a different adjective to describe Martinez's mouth." Beck said from inside the Hab, resulting in even more laughter from the rest of the crew.

"Did Beck just insult me?!"

"Dr. Beck and yes!"

"I'm happy to turn the radios off from here commander. Just say the word." Johanssen suggested.

"Johanssen, constant communication is the hallmark-" Watney started.

"Shut him off" Melissa gave the order.

"No-" Johanssen cut him off. Mark tossed his little hammer in the dirt and looked back at the captain like she had just kicked a kitten. You patted the shoulder of his suit and urged him to get back to work.

"I'm sorry for my countrymen, Vogel." Lewis said.

"Accepted," Vogel shrugged and glanced up at the sky. "The storm... It's closer than Houston reported."

"We've got time," Lewis said. "Focus on the task at hand. This EVA's all about chemical analysis. Vogel, you're the chemist so you're in charge of what we dig up."

"Ja, Please dig thirty centimeters and get soil samples. At least one hundred grams each. Very important is thirty centimeters down." Vogel clarified, eyes back on his work.

"Will do, stay within a hundred meters of the Hab," Lewis said.

You worked in peace and quiet for a few minutes. You measured the grid while Mark hammered the grid labels. You could hardly wait to take samples. Mark was right, it was perfect for chem analysis. Unfortunately, your work was short-lived because Johanssen had some bad news.

"Commander, you should come inside. You're gonna want to see this."

"What is it?" Lewis asked.

"Houston has upgraded the storm to 'severe.' It's going to be here in fifteen minutes." Johanssen said.

You perked your head up to get a look at the sky. Already it was getting darker.

"Martinez, how's it looking?" Asked commander Lewis.

"Not good." He said.

After a moment of contemplation, Lewis made her decision. "Back to base."

~~~

The Hab shook and the sound of wind and debris outside only exacerbated the tension within. Lewis commanded everyone to put on their flight suits and you congregated around the screen, wondering if this was the end of your mission.

"Sustained winds over one hundred kilometers per hour now. Gusting to one twenty-five," Johanssen frowned.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"One fifty kilometers per hour, anymore than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez placed his hands on his hips.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it... It's gonna get worse before it gets better." Johanssen delivered the bad news with confidence. Silence fell over the group and you grabbed Mark's hand. You wished you could feel the warmth, but the gloves on the flight suit acted as a barrier. Watney met your sorrowful eyes. You'd have to end the mission before it even started. He let go of your hand and pressed you into his side. It was over. 25 sols early. You leaned your head against his shoulder and willed the grief to subside.

"Alright, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we launch." Lewis grabbed her helmet.

~~~

Outside the Hab, the wind was disastrous. Mark was nearly swept off his feet by the force of the gusts. He slammed into you, but you managed to keep him on his feet.

"Shit! Thanks." Watney regained his balance.

"Visibility is almost zero. If you get lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry! The wind's gonna be rougher away from the Hab, so be ready!" Lewis warned.

The Ares crew stumbled toward the MAV with ever increasing uncertainty. You had to lean into the wind to avoid being thrown backward. Mark wasn't doing much better. It didn't help that his mind wasn't on getting to the MAV safely, it was on how to keep it upright. Watney was smart, too smart for his own good.

"Hey," Watney panted. "Maybe we could shore up the MAV. Make tipping less likely."

"How?" Lewis Huffed.

"We could use cables from the solar farm as guylines. The rovers could be anchors. The trick would be getting the line around the-"

You choked on your scream as Mark was struck by a massive piece of wreckage, sending him off into the disorienting mist of dust and wind.

"MARK!" You screamed and tried to stumble after him, but you could barely see an inch in front of your helmet.

"What happened?" Lewis said.

"Something hit him!" Johanssen said shakily.

"Watney report..." Lewis said. You listened hard and prayed he'd answer. "Watney, report!" Nothing.

"He's offline, I don't know where he is." Johanssen reported as calmly as she could. You bit back a whimper as you shuffled forward.

"Commander, before we lost telemetry, his decompression alarm went off!" Beck said.

"Shit! Y/L/N, where did you last see him?" Lewis asked.

"H-he was right in front of me and then he was gone," you managed. "He flew off due west" You pointed.

"Okay, Martinez, get to the MAV and prep for launch. Everyone else, home in on Johanssen."

"Dr. Beck, how long can a person survive decompression?" Vogel asked.

"Less than a minute." Beck looked back at you. You could hear the pain in his voice. No. Mark couldn't be... He was just beside you a moment ago.

"Commander, the MAV's got a seven degree tilt. It'll tip at 12.3."

"Copy that."

He's alive, he can't be dead!

"Johanssen, Watney's bio-monitor sent something before going offline. My computer just says 'Bad Packet,'" Beck said.

"Give me a sec," Johanssen said.

"Commander, message from Houston. We're officially scrubbed. The storm's definitely too rough."

"Copy."

"Beck, I have the raw packet!" Johanssen said, "It's plaintext: BP 0, PR 0, TP 36.2. That's as far as I got."

Beck sighed and shook his head. "Blood pressure zero, pulse rate zero, temperature normal..."

Your chest tightened and your eyes burned. "Temperature normal?" You asked hopefully.

"It takes a while for the-" Beck swallowed. "It takes awhile to cool."

"Commander, tilting at 10.5 degrees now, with gusts pushing it to 11." Martinez reported.

"Copy, if it tips, launch."

"What about you commander?"

"I'm going to search a little more."

"You really think I'll leave you behind?" Martinez asked.

"I just ordered you to. You four, get to the ship." Lewis replied.

"Let me help search commander, we'll find him faster if we-" Lewis cut you off.

"That's an order, Y/L/N. Go."

Beck nudged you forward. You reluctantly allowed him to.

"Johanssen, would the rover IR camera do any good?"

"Negative. IR can't get through sand any better than visible light."

"What about the proximity radar? Could it detect Watney's suit?"

"No way. It's made to see Hermes, not the metal in a single space suit."

"Give it a try," Lewis ordered.

"Commander, I know you don't want to hear this... but Wat-... Mark's dead." Beck said.

No.

No.

Please...

Everything around you was a blur. You went through the motions from training. Strapping yourself in, readying your station, waiting for launch. You couldn't look at the empty seat beside you. You couldn't think about anything but your job right now, If you allowed your thoughts to that dark place, you'd have to be dragged along by the rest of the crew.

You couldn't do that to them. Not now.

Lewis returned to the ship and strapped herself in. "Still at pilot-release," Martinez said softly. "Ready for launch."

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry Commander, you need to verbally-"

"Launch."

You felt the bone-crushing power of ascent. The g's did nothing but forcefully push the tears from your eyes.

You wish it would have been you.

~~~

Mark Watney closed out of the mission log application and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes. He couldn't fathom the hopelessness he was feeling, it was too deep to swim out of. What else was there to do but sit and wait to die? Maybe it would be easier to just go into the airlock and open the doors!

Watney turned his head to a picture of you on the wall behind the computer. It was there among other pictures of the crew and their families. You were standing with your brother in front of one of those rickety wooden roller coasters at Six Flags. He felt a painful twinge in his chest. You thought he was dead and there was no way to tell you otherwise.

He was completely alone, had the whole goddamned planet to himself. Mark rubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck..." he said. "Fuck!" he pulled at the hair on his head before looking up at the picture again. He wished he would have kissed you. He wanted to that morning when you were sharing coffee. He should have said he loved you. Mark hadn't said it in so long.

He knew you like the back of his hand. You were blaming yourself. Everyone in the crew was probably doing the same. He could barely stomach the thought.

Mark grabbed the picture from the wall and shuffled to the bunks. He was so tired and in a lot of pain from the stupid antenna. He was about to settle into his bed, when his eyes landed on yours. After a moment of deliberation, he hobbled into your bunk and pulled the covers up to his chin. It still smelled like you. He buried his face into your pillow and cried.

~~~

You sat in the dining area in the Hermes, watching as the windows slowly spun around. It had been about a week since the incident and you weren't sure you had any more tears left to cry. You did your best to keep on task during your waking hours, only allowing yourself to feel when everyone else was either asleep or taking the piloting shift.

Your fingers drummed lightly against the table, mingling with the beeps, boops, groans, and hums of the ship keeping you safe from the unforgiving vacuum of space. You thought about a lot of things. About Mark, his parents, the house he wanted so badly to buy, his favorite music, his plants growing in the botany lab... The one thing you didn't want to think about was his body, how it would be buried by sand and dust within the year, how Mars would never let it decay. You tried not to think about how if you had just reached for him, maybe he'd still be alive.

"Y/N?" A familiar German accent spoke. You tensed and dared a glance back at Vogel.

"Hey, what's up?" You plastered a grin on your face.

"I have noticed you've not been sleeping. You are... Okay?" He asked, lumbering closer. He was clearly very tired and you felt terrible he was here worrying about you instead of getting some much deserved rest.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm okay Alex, just... Can't sleep." You sighed.

"Have you spoken to doctor Beck? I am sure we have sleep medication on board."

"Oh I know... I just don't really want to bother him, you know? I mean, we're all going through it right now..." You shifted under his gaze.

"You are having bad dreams," Vogel stated. "You're afraid if you sleep, they will come back."

"How could you tell?" You peeked tiredly up at him.

"My little monkeys... before I left, some of them had bad dreams. A father can always tell." He sat down beside you at the table.

You felt your eyes burning again. You hadn't dared ask for comfort from your crew mates, not even Chris. Now that you were receiving it, you wished you had asked for it long ago. There was a hellish cocktail of emotions running through you: relief, sadness, safety, longing, despair. You were so relieved that Alex was here. You were sad to think about how deeply his loved ones must be missing him. You thought about what Alex said about his "little monkeys." Mark would have made a great father if he'd only had the chance.

"You love him. Very much," Vogel said.

"I did..." You whispered.

"You do." Alex grabbed your hand and the tears poured from your eyes. "You do..."

"I do," You let out a choked sob. Vogel pulled you into a gentle hug.

"This pain of loss we feel... It will never go away. But it will get easier to live with as time goes by. This, I promise is true."

"Thank you Alex." You whispered.

"You're welcome..." He patted your back and pulled away. "Now, shall we try some rest?"

"I'll try," you put on a brave face.

"And- what is it?-" He thought aloud. "When first you don't succeed-"

"Try try again," You said with a sad smile. "Words to live by."

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 23

So, I'm still brain storming the whole, "Mark Watney can only really make his potato farm last 90 days," problem. Can't say It's going too well. I'm surrounded by the stench of my own shit. Kinda distracting.

I've made the executive decision to take a long overdue break out in the rover. Sure, logically I know I should probably utilize every spare second on planning my survival right down to the last drop of water, but riddle me this: just who is gonna stop me? Not NASA, that's for sure.

It's funny. I came into the rover to escape the rancid poop smell, but it seems to have followed me. Turns out, I was the poop smell all along! If Y/N were here, they would have forcibly shoved into the shower. They'd say something like... "Don't even think about touching me until you smell like ocean breeze!" (What does ocean breeze even smell like? How do you smell a breeze?...)There are few things in life Y/N hates more than stink. Me being on Mars is probably one of them.

What I would give to see you right now. Even just a dream would be nice, but I guess that's asking too much.

I miss my parents a lot. Maybe that's an understatement. I haven't really let myself think about it, but sitting here in this cramped rover really has my mind wandering. I really should have told them about Y/N. Maybe if things don't work out for me, they could confide in each other.

I don't have much else to say. The calculations aren't done and quite frankly, I'm depressed.

I'll probably scrub this log from the system, It's kind of a downer.

~~~

You had been doing better. Getting at least 6 hours of sleep a day was an accomplishment and you were eating your meals, but a certain date on the calendar was growing closer. You made yourself busier and busier, but no amount of work would keep this day from coming.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 62

On Earth it's January 8th, which is a very special day. Our anniversary! It's official, we've been together for three years! Yeah, yeah I hear you. These logs are for work purposes only, but I promise no one's gonna see this one. Not even you.

I think about that day a lot. It was freezing outside and snowing everywhere. I don't even remember why we walked to the cafe that day, but I'm thankful for it. You were holding your hot cup so tightly and your coat wasn't nearly thick enough for the weather. You were complaining that the snow came early and I laughed at you.

I think we both knew for a long time that this would happen. A year at least. We kept ourselves just at arms length, on the brink of lovers without ever crossing that line. We never discussed it before, but we knew once the mission was over, we'd do it. We'd take that step.

I had wanted to kiss you all day. Want isn't really the word for it. How about craved. Desired? Yearned~

I wrapped my coat around you and you complained again, said that I'd catch a cold and it would all be your fault. The way you looked at me... Still gives me chills when I think about it. It's like I'm still standing on that sidewalk, snowflakes landing on my nose.

I told you, "I can think of something that'll warm us both up..."

You said, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I was right of course. I always am. I just didn't expect you to be so... magnetizing! Like damn babe, you had me weak in the knees! (What am I, a Disney princess?)

I'll be back with you someday. It'll be your anniversary present from me. You're welcome in advance. XOXO - World's Handsomest Boyfriend.

-P.S. You left your deodorant in the Hab. I've been using it. Totally not creepy.

-P.P.S. Who's the stinky one now?

-P.P.P.S. You better be prepared, when I get off this wasteland of a planet, I'm making up for lost time. You aren't gonna be able to walk for AT LEAST a week.

-P.P.P.P.S. I was talking about CUDDLING you perv~

(or was I? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

~~~

This had to be one of the greatest days in Mark Watney's life.

Contact.

Sweet, sweet contact!

[11:18]JPL: Mark, This is Venkat Kapoor. We've been watching you since Sol 49. The whole world's been rooting for you. Amazing job, getting Pathfinder. We're working on rescue plans. JPL is adjusting Ares 4's MDV to do a short overland flight. They'll pick you up, then take you with them to Schiaparelli. We're putting together a supply mission to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives.

Watney could hardly believe it! Everything was working! They had known he was alive since Sol 49! His eyes were brimming and his breathing came out in short gasps as he fought to control himself. He used to take messages for granted, now they're the only tether he has to humanity.

He's not alone anymore.

His hands shook as he wrote out his message.

[11:29]Watney: Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying. I want to make it clear it wasn't the crew's fault. What did they say when they found out I was alive?

Mark shifted in his seat. The reply was taking a bit longer than expected. He hadn't talked to anyone in so long. The thought of being so close, only to fail right in the beginning was terrifying. He wasn't sure he could survive that kind of disappointment.

[11:48]JPL: We haven't told the crew you're alive yet. We wanted them to focus on their own mission.

What. The. Fuck.

Mark covered his face with his hands and released a frustrated groan. "You've got to be shitting me!"

You didn't know. You didn't know he was alive.

"What the fuck? Wha... What the fuck?!" He took a shaky breath and wrestled with his frustration.

[12:05]Watney: They don't know I'm alive? What the fuck? WTF? Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you?

[12:23]JPL: Please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the entire world.

They did not just say that.

After everything he has been through, there is no way JPL just told him to watch his language.

So, that's how they want to play it, huh?

[12:42]Watney: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck shit fuck! Fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck! Oh look! A pair of boobs!-> (.Y.) How's that for watching my language, you goddamned bureaucratic felchers!

NASA got the message loud and clear.

~~~

Four months passed and you fell into a routine. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat. It was predictable, which was something you were thankful for.

You took on Watney's role as the ship's botanist. You weren't as good as him, but really, who was? You couldn't match his skill even if you tried. Still, you followed all of his experiments. Took diligent notes and snapped as many pictures as you could.

Martinez joked that you took better care of the plants than yourself. It was one of those jokes meant to expose an underlying issue: You weren't looking after yourself. There was a shadow hanging over everything you did. The crew was experiencing it too. Mark Watney was one of a kind. Everyone he touched felt his loss so viscerally, so deeply.

You needed time, just like Vogel said. But that didn't mean everyone had to be okay with you beating yourself up like this.

Lewis knew better than anyone how you were feeling. As the Commander, she should have tried a little harder. And you... You were right there in arm's reach. Yes, Lewis knew how you felt only too well.

You heard a faint Knock in the doorway. You looked up from the camera and met Beck's eyes.

"Data dump will be completed soon. Care to join?" He smiled.

You managed a smile back, "Yeah, sure. I'm hoping I got something from my siblings. Maybe my niece and nephew too." You strapped the camera to the wall so it wouldn't float away, then you pushed yourself toward your crewmate.

"How about your parents?" He asked.

"Oh, that's a given. I can't get them to leave me alone," you chuckled.

You floated down to Semicone-A, where everyone else was already waiting for the data dump.

"Is it here yet?" Beck asked.

"Almost, it's at ninety-eight percent." Johanssen shot him a grin.

"You're looking cheerful, Martinez," Beck laughed.

"My son turned three yesterday." He beamed. Should be some pics of the party. How about you?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just some peer reviews of a paper I wrote a few years back."

"Complete," Johanssen said. "All the personal e-mails are dispatched to your laptops. Also there's a telemetry update for Vogel and a system update for me....Huh.... There's a voice message addressed to the whole crew."

"Play it." Lewis shrugged. Everyone gathered around the screen as Beth pressed play.

"Hermes, this is Mitch Henderson," the message started.

"Henderson? Talking directly to us without CAPCOM?"

Lewis raised her hand to signal silence.

"I have some news. There's no subtle way to put this:.....Mark Watney's still alive."

Your stomach dropped.

"Wha-" Beck choked.

"I know that's a surprise. And I know you'll have a lot of questions. We're going to answer those questions. But for now I'll just give you the basics. He's alive and healthy. We found out two months ago and decided not to tell you. I was strongly against all that. We're telling you now because we finally have communication with him and a viable rescue plan. It boils down to Ares 4 picking him up with a modified MDV. We'll get you a full write-up of what happened, but it's definitely not your fault. Mark stresses that every time it comes up."

You clenched your eyes shut as they burned painfully with tears.

"Take some time to absorb this. Your science schedules are cleared for tomorrow. Send all the questions you want and we'll answer them. Henderson out."

Silence fell over the bridge.

"He...He's alive?" Martinez beamed.

"He lives." Vogel nodded excitedly and squeezed your shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Beck laughed. "Holy shit! Commander! He's alive!"

"I left him behind," Lewis muttered.

You covered your eyes with your hands, fighting to stay quiet.

"No, hey... we all left togeth-"

"You followed orders...I left him behind. In a barren, unreachable, godforsaken wasteland." Lewis scowled and trudged off the bridge.

Everyone stood around the console. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Y/N?" Chris asked softly.

"Are you okay?" Beth added.

You shook your head. You couldn't look at any of them right now.

"I need a minute..." you said softly before hurrying back out of the Semicone. You retreated back to the comfort of the botany lab. It was all so much to process.

First Mark is dead, you left him behind to die. Then Mark is alive, you left him behind to die. He doesn't want you to blame yourselves, it was terrible luck. He's healthy. He can contact Earth. Mars is a desolate planet. He's all alone. On an entire planet. You left him there. He will never be safe until he's back on Earth soil. It will be four years until Ares 4 arrives.

He will be alone on Mars for four years.

You left him there.

~~~

Y/N,

I'm typing this letter to you because talking to you relaxes me. I won't actually be sending this to you. It's not going to be professional in nature like the other notes I've sent you. (JPL says that you have received all of them, but have neglected to send me any of your responses. The only one I have gotten from any of the crew was one from Lewis. She invited me for beer to make up for leaving me on Mars.)

Anyway, some bad stuff happened. I wish you were here. Not because I want you to have been launched by an airlock. Never that. I just really fucking miss you. I really need you right now. I almost died last night. I had to do some serious surgery on my suit to keep me alive and I had to sift through the dilapidated remnants of the Hab to find a new one.

I'm so tired. I just want you to hold me. I'm so sick of all of this. Fuck Mars, Fuck the Hab. I'm so sick and tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed. I miss you so much. You make every one of my bad days good. I know if you were here, everything would be okay again.

Why did this have to happen?

Mars keeps throwing curve balls at me, but I'm not giving up. I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to focus on that.

-Mark

P.S. Your bed stopped smelling like you a month ago.

~~~

The crew of Ares 3 met in the Rec. A secret message had arrived not even an hour ago. One that would alter their mission by 533 extra days.

"Are we going to do it?" Johanssen asked.

"I won't lie, I'd sure as hell like to. But this isn't a normal decision. This is something NASA expressly rejected. We're talking about mutiny. And that's not a word I throw around lightly," Lewis explained. "We'll only do it if we all agree. And before you answer, consider the consequences. If we mess up the supply rendezvous, we die. If we mess up the Earth gravity assist, we die. If we do everything correctly, we add 533 days to our mission. 533 days of unplanned space travel where anything could go wrong. Maintenance will be a hassle. Something might break that we can't fix. If it's life-critical, we die."

"Sign me up!" Martinez announced, causing you to smile. At least someone else was as enthusiastic to bring Mark home as you were.

"Easy, cowboy. You and I are military. There's a good chance we'd be court-martialed when we get home. As for the rest of you, I guarantee they'll never send you up again," Lewis said.

"If we do this," Vogel looked to you and back at Lewis. "It would mean over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return."

You couldn't have possibly said it better yourself. It was like Alex was reading your mind.

"Sounds like Vogel's in. Me too obviously," Martinez laughed.

"Let's do it," Beck agreed.

"If you think it'll work, I trust you," Johanssen said.

Lewis nodded and turned to you. "Y/L/N?"

"You don't even need to ask me. Let's go get our boy," You smiled.

Wow. This is the first time you've smiled... a real smile, since leaving Mars.

'Hang in there babe,' You thought. 'I'm on my way.'

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 192-2

Yep, another secret letter do my dear, long lost love~ How predictable. I don't really care, today's been a great day. I can't believe you're coming back for me! Here I was, thinking I'd have to survive without you for four years. Then there you go, riding in from the sunset to bring me home.

Logically I know the rest of the crew had something to do with it, but I kind of like the idea that maybe I am a Disney princess and you're my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me.

It's like the story of Rapunzel, except my tower is a whole planet and instead of catching my hair, you're catching my MAV. Now that I think about it, the stories are more different than they are similar.

That hardly matters though, what does matter is that for the first time I actually feel like I'll survive. I trust our team with every fiber of my being, but most of all I trust you. I'm gonna rest easy tonight. And in the morning I'll start my work on the rovers!

See you in about a year babe! I'll be counting down the hours. Literally.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 426

Happy anniversary Y/N! You thought I'd forget? Never! You know why that is? Because I fucking love you, that's why!

Four years we've been together as of today, that's assuming we are counting the year we've been apart as "being together", (which I do.) Today I'm really beating myself up over frying Pathfinder with my drill all those months ago. It was my only form of communication with you and I royally fucked it up.

You'd think that cutting myself off from Earth, NASA and humanity at large would be what upset me the most. Nope, it's the fact that I can't send you a super sneaky secret anniversary e-mail. I also missed my parents' birthdays, your birthday, Christmas AND Thanksgiving. Twice. Also, fucking Valentine's day! I used to hate that holiday before I met you.

Anyway, as you can see, I totally have all my priorities in order! Also! I got you a present~ Since you have no way to read this, I don't feel bad spoiling it for you. I found a little rock. It's in the shape of a heart.

Awwww wow! That's cute, I just realized that I'm giving you my heart for our anniversary! To be honest, you had it a long time ago.

I miss you. I miss your smell, your eyes, the feel of your skin. Most of all, I really, really miss your voice. I just want to hear you. I've forgotten what you sound like. I'm scared If I didn't have this picture of you and your brother, I'd forget what your face looks like too.

I'm starting my long commute to Schiaparelli in 23 days. It'll be a two month drive. I really hate driving in the rover. But if it gets me to you, who cares? I'm stalling. I've got a lot of work tomorrow and I just want to enjoy today. I wish I was there with you to enjoy it obviously, but we can't all get what we want (least of all, me.) I've learned how to settle.

Speaking of settling, what do you think about getting married in the woods, or a big grassy field? I'd like there to be as much green as possible. No red or orange, we're talking the opposite side of the color wheel here. I can picture you walking down the aisle. I'll be an absolute mess, but who cares. You're the love of my life. Thanks for, y'know, coming back to pick me up instead of leaving me to die on Mars.

I hope you like the rock.

-Mark

P.S. I grew a beard and my hair looks like the 80's had a baby with a grease monster. You'd hate it.

P.P.S. I hope you're into pirates~

P.P.P.S. Y/N Watney... Mark Y/L/N... hmmmmm, so hard to choose!

P.P.P.P.S. We are never eating potatoes again.

P.P.P.P.P.S And ABSOLUTELY NO DISCO MUSIC!

~~~

You stared at Mars creeping back into view. The last time you were here, Mark was sitting beside you, arm around your waist, your head on his shoulder. Maybe it wasn't your most subtle of moments, but how could anyone not be enthralled by the beauty of the red planet? Even now it was hard not to feel stricken with wonder.

Sometimes your mind played tricks on you. You'd see a speck of dust on the window and think you could see Watney on the surface. That was ridiculous of course, There is no possible way to see an individual person this far out. That didn't stop you from imagining it.

NASA had briefed everyone on the Martian's health, explained that he wouldn't look the same as the last time you saw him. You expected as much, but the thought still worried you. It wasn't that you were worried if you'd still find him attractive, there was no force on Earth or beyond that could change how much you loved Mark Watney. It was his health that worried you.

During all your back and forth questions with NASA that Henderson had arranged, you inquired about his health. They said he was doing well, but that he was stretching his little amount of food to its limits. That's what scared you the most. How would his immune system fare? How would he acclimate back to normal food on Earth? All of these questions went unanswered. NASA was honest, "we won't know for sure until he gets here."

"Mind if I join you?" Lewis asked softly, floating a short distance away.

"Of course Commander. I'd like the company," You said. It was surprising to realize you actually meant it. It'd been awhile since you wanted to spend time with anyone.

Melissa floated further into the cupola and settled beside you.

"Crazy to think that in a few days he'll be up here with us again..." Lewis said softly.

"Yeah..." you said softly, keeping your eyes ahead.

"I know how much you miss him... You two were always great friends."

You swallowed hard and tried to ignore the pit in your stomach as you nodded. "Yeah..."

You could see Lewis looking at you out of the corner of your eye. Her expression was conflicted. "I'm really sorry this happened. I know it's been hard on you. I should have searched a little longer-"

"Commander." You stopped her from continuing. "You did all you could. You made the right decision. I wish none of this had happened, but none of this was your fault. It couldn't have been easy to make the choice, and I'm willing to bet that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it. I'm sure everyone else feels the same exact way, Mark included." You placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, that's... Thank you," Melissa smiled.

"We're a team, that's what we do. We keep each other grounded."

"That's actually sort of what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"What do you mean?"

"NASA just sent the message a few minutes ago. They're letting us talk to Watney... Directly," Lewis said. You blinked in surprise. No matter how many times you asked, NASA wouldn't allow any kind of direct communication. You wondered why the sudden change of heart.

"Henderson thinks we need to remind him of what he has to look forward to, keep his eyes on the prize so to speak. At least, that's how he's been pitching it to the director. Anyway, the rest of the crew and I agree you should be the one to do it," she finished.

"R-really? I can talk to him?" You asked hopefully, hoping this wasn't a dream.

"Y/N, I can't think of anyone else he would need to hear from more."

~~~

Mark was waiting by the coms in the MAV for any final updates from NASA regarding the meticulous destruction of his ship, piece by piece. He had just finished taking out the main window and it was heavy as hell, even in Mars gravity. He was happy he at least had some time to rest after all that hard work. If he was lucky, maybe they'd wait too long and it would be too dark to get any work done. He could use a good sleep, it seemed like he was needing it more and more lately. Watney suddenly heard the telltale beeps that signaled an incoming message. He was expecting a barrage of questions about his progress, instead he got something so much better.

[19:22] Y/L/N: Hey, Mark.

Mark's voice got caught in his throat.

Y/N.

It had been so fucking long since he talked to you. His eyes burned and his hands shook. Watney leaned his head back in relief, thanking god for this incredible gift. "I just about gave up on you man..." Mark smiled to the sky before nervously typing back.

[19:23] MAV: Y/N!? Holy crap! They're finally letting you talk to me directly?

You released a sigh and covered your face with your hands. He was responding! Really responding! Everyone was looking at you. Beck beamed at you while Martinez watched on with interest. Lewis was waiting to see if you could handle it. No way you were gonna let this one chance slip through your fingers. You sniffed and wiped your eyes before responding.

[19:24] Y/L/N: Yes, NASA just gave the OK for direct communication an hour ago. We're only 35 light-seconds apart, so we can talk in near-real time. Johanssen just set up the system and I'm testing it out.

Mark sighed and smiled. Level headed and professional as always. How you had such self control, he had no idea.

[19:24] MAV: What took them so long to let us talk?

You looked up at Lewis, silently asking if you could relay the truth. She nodded.

[19:25] Y/L/N: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: Why? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival?

Mark typed without thinking and as soon as he hit send, he regretted it. He didn't want you to feel bad, It was a joke. You'd understand that right?

[19:26] Y/L/N: Not funny. Don't make me come down there and kick you.

Watney let out a choked laugh. Half a chuckle and half a sob.

[19:26] MAV: God I missed you.

You smiled at the screen and pushed down the urge to hug Martinez behind you. You were really talking to him! He was only 35 light-seconds away! Suddenly you realized you were blessed with an opportunity even more amazing than just talking with him. You could ask him what you had been asking in all of your disregarded emails!

[19:27] Y/L/N: We missed you too. I've had to take over the botany lab. You'll be happy to know I haven't killed any of your plants...Yet. How are you feeling? We've gotten a few updates from NASA regarding your health, but nothing in incredible detail.

Watney chuckled at the text appearing in front of him. 'Cute,' he thought.

[19:27] MAV: Awwww, are you worried about me?

The crew laughed and you shook your head, swiftly adding your response.

[19:28] Y/L/N: Do I really need to answer that?

Mark snickered and decided not to tease you. He wanted to tell you all of his woes and adequately prepare you for how much he had changed. But he didn't want to put a damper on the mood. Luckily, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] MAV: I'm doing okay. My clothing feels a little loose and I'm craving spaghetti. I'm also in desperate need of a shower. Other than that, I'm just fine. Looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the crew.

Your smile fell. You were happy he was being at least somewhat honest, but you knew it was probably worse than he was making out to be. Unfortunately, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] Y/L/N: We're looking forward to seeing you too. I think it's safe to say a big group hug is in order, if I can get Vogel in on it that is.

Watney hummed at the thought of holding you in his arms. The image was so clear, yet so far away.

[19:30] MAV: At this point, I'd even settle for holding hands. Group hug sounds nice. How are you doing Y/N? I wrote you a lot of emails.

You grimaced and thought your next words through very carefully. With the crew watching, it was hard to collect your thoughts.

[19:31] Y/L/N: I wrote you plenty of my own. There was only so much air time to be used outside of helping you survive. My guess is they put priority on Commander Lewis' emails. Rightfully so of course. I'm doing fine. I've missed you a lot. To be honest, a lot is probably a huge understatement. It's hard to express exactly what I want to say over message.

Mark nodded. You watched him presumably die, leave his 'body' behind, mourn his loss over a period of months, find out you left him there alive, be unable to talk to him for about a year, and suddenly he was here reading and responding to your messages, but you have to limit the details so as to keep those private thoughts private. He couldn't imagine what he would do if the roles were reversed. What you wanted to say needed to be kept between you and him. He understood. There was a lot he wanted to say too.

[19:32] MAV: I know what you mean. I'll be there soon, then you can tell me all about it in person. And I'll tell you all about my space crops and my long voyage to the MAV. Have I mentioned I'm a space pirate?

The crew laughed and for a moment, it felt like he was there. Really there.

[19:33] Y/L/N: Good to know you're still the funniest person on Mars. [19:33] MAV: Thanks! [19:33] MAV: Wait a minute! Rude! Don't make me come up there! [19:34] Y/L/N: Don't threaten me with a good time, Watney. [19:34] MAV: ;)

You were about to make some really elaborate emoji out of parentheses and dots, when you saw a notification from NASA. Playtime was over. You scowled as you broke the news to your boyfriend.

[19:34] Y/L/N: I hate to cut this short, but NASA wants us to keep the line open. We'll be in touch asking for updates on your progress, but don't expect too much witty banter.

Mark's heart sank a little, but there was no use in leaving such a perfect night on a sour note.

[19:35] MAV: Figures. NASA never lets me do anything fun! Tell the others I said hi. [19:36] Y/L/N: I'll be sure to pass it along!

Mark's leg tapped nervously. He knew NASA was right about keeping the line open, but he really didn't want it to end yet.

[19:36] MAV: Hey, thanks for coming to get my sorry ass. [19:36] Y/L/N: No thanks necessary. We'd do it a million times over.

Watney knew you meant it. He could feel the warmth through the bland MAV text on the screen. He couldn't wait to be up there with you...But what if something went wrong? Fuck, don't think about this now! Everything's going to be fine! Right? But what if... There was always a chance, especially on Mars, that things would not go your way. And the likelihood of him surviving this mission was slim at best. He needed to tell you. He should have said it a lot more. A whisper here and there in the hallways, maybe some stupid middle school secret code. Like hell he was going to pass up this one chance, consequences be damned.

[19:37] MAV: I love you, Y/N.

Your heart lurched in your chest. The room fell silent. Martinez lightly squeezed your shoulder. Your eyes flitted around the room to your colleagues. All of them stared with bewildered looks on their faces. What were you supposed to say? What if you got him in trouble? If he was worried about that, why would he send this in the first place?

'You know what, Fuck it,' you thought.

Watney watched the screen with baited breath. "Please..." He whispered. "Please."

[19:38] Y/L/N: I love you too Mark. Sleep well, we'll be there before you know it.

Mark released a cry of joy and typed through the tears.

[19:39] MAV: You too. Goodnight. [19:39] Y/L/N: Goodnight, Mark.

The line received no new messages after that. Mark rested there a moment before retreating back to the rover. Once the airlock had engaged, he removed his helmet and admired the picture of you and your brother he had taped to the rover computer.

He used to take those words for granted. Why say it when you could show it? He showed it to you as often as he could... At least he used to. You never made him question it for a second. You gave him compliments, brought him water on late nights, listened to his nerdy ramblings about plants and D&D. He'd help you to bed when you were too tired to stand, work out the knots in your shoulders while you typed. Over a year has passed and your grip on his heart is still firm. And when you said those three little words, all of it made sense again. Mark Watney would never again question the power of I love you. He was going to remind you every chance he got. He was going to ask you for it as often as possible. His mom and dad would hear it in every phone call, and no more excluding his friends. He loved them too. He would say it until the term loses all meaning, then he'd remember this night where I love you saved his life.

Mark took off his gloves and danced his thin fingers over the photograph.

"See you soon, baby..." He whispered, "I love you."

~~~

You pulled on your headset and took a deep, self soothing breath. In an hour, the love of your life was going to be launched into Mars's orbit in what could barely be considered a MAV. The thing was a Frankenstein version of the shuttle you had taken off the planet nearly two years ago.

You shook your head. What Mark needed right now was confidence. You could do that.

"How you feeling Y/L/N?" Martinez smiled over at you.

"Like I'm gonna throw up," You laughed.

"Anxious huh?" He smirked, "For the launch, or for your man?"

"Both," You smacked his arm and rolled your eyes. Martinez and Beck hadn't stopped giving you crap for the I love you texts. You didn't mind too much, it was nice being able to acknowledge that side of your relationship with Mark. Unfortunately it made for some rather awkward conversations with the NASA administrators.

"You got nothing to worry about, he's in good hands," Rick said reassuringly.

"I know, we're all badass trained professionals with years of experience," you chuckled. "I can't help it. I'm built to worry."

"You've checked and double checked the telemetry. Johanssen confirmed all of your calculations. It's going to be a smooth ride for sure."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

//////////

Mark scowled at his reflection in the mirror and stroked his beard. He looked like shit, no way around it. He hadn't taken a moment to really look at himself for a long time and he couldn't say he liked what he saw.

"It's the end of an era," Watney said to nobody as he grabbed the razor. "No more captain blonde-beard."

Mark took his time shaving his chin and trimming the hair on his head. By the end of it, he still looked like shit but slightly less so. He felt a little more like himself at least.

He patted his chest to make sure the picture was still there, tucked under his uniform. It was there, along with his anniversary present to you. He slipped the headset over his ears and turned it on. It was nearly time to go. Watney pulled the suit on over his head and double checked if it was all on securely.

"I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another..." He whispered. "About fucking time."

//////////

"Fuel engine green," Your voice seemed to cause time itself to slow down. Not just for Mark, but for the entire world. "Engine alignment, perfect." Mark closed his eyes took a series of deep breaths, trying in vain to keep his emotions in check. "Communications five by five. We are ready for preflight checklist, Commander."

"Copy." Lewis said. "Mission Control, this is Hermes actual. We will proceed on schedule. we have T minus two minutes, ten seconds to launch... Mark." The commander turned her attention to the man of the hour. "About two minutes Watney. How you doing down there?"

"I'm good." He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "I'm anxious to get up to you. Thanks for coming back for me."

You sniffed and shot a smile to Johanssen, who sent you a grin of her own.

"We're going to make it happen. Remember, You'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay if you pass out. You're in Martinez's hands."

"Well, tell that asshole no barrel rolls."

"Copy that, MAV."

"CAPCOM."

"Go," you said.

Mark's bottom lip quivered

"Guidance."

"Go," Johanssen said.

"Remote Command."

"Go," Martinez said.

"Telemetry."

"Go," you said again.

He couldn't fight it anymore, he let the tears fall.

"Recovery."

"Go," Beck said.

"Secondary Recovery."

"Go," Vogel said.

"Pilot."

Mark steadied his voice before speaking, "go."

"Mission control, we are go for launch. T minus ten," You said.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Five."

Mark closed his eyes and focused on your voice. "See you in a few, baby..." He whispered.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

The force of the blast was incredible, and growing more painful by the second. His breathing came out short and panicked as the Hab canvas rattled nightmarishly against the MAV. His panic only increased as the canvas ripped from the shuttle, exposing him to the full force of the MAV's thrust. He couldn't even scream. All he could do was watch the sky grow darker and darker.

"Watney." He heard your voice from far away.

"Watney, do you read me?" Your voice called again. His eyes drooped and his vision faded.

//////////

"Watney. Do you read?" You asked in the calmest voice you could muster.

"He's probably passed out. He pulled 12 g's on the ascent. Give him a few minutes," Beck said.

"Copy that." You said and turned your attention on the numbers before you. "I have interval pings. Intercept velocity will be eleven meters per second."

"I can make that work," Beck confirmed.

"Distance at intercept will be....we'll be sixty-eight kilometers apart..." You whimpered and buried your face in your hands.

"Did they say sixty-eight Kilometers? Kilometers?!" Beck cried.

"Keep it together, work the problem. Martinez, any juice left in the MAV?" Lewis asked.

"Negative, Commander."

"Then we'll have to go to him. Y/L/N, time to intercept?"

"Thirty-nine minutes, twelve seconds," You steeled yourself and focused on your coordinates.

"Martinez, what if we point the attitude thrusters all the same direction?" Lewis asked.

"Depends on how much we want to save for the attitude adjustments on the trip home."

"How much do you need?"

"I could get by with maybe twenty percent of what's left. If I use the other eighty percent... We'd get a delta-v of thirty-one meters per second."

"Y/L/N, Math."

"In thirty-nine minutes, we'd deflect....seventy-two kilometers! Use seventy-five point five percent of remaining attitude adjust fuel. That'll bring the intercept range to zero," You did the math quickly.

"Do it." Lewis said.

"Hold your horses, that'll get the range to zero, but the velocity will be forty-two meters per second."

"Then we have thirty-nine minutes to figure out how to slow down. Burn the jets."

//////////

Mark awoke to find himself spinning. Flashes of stars and the red glow of the Martian surface had him feeling a little dizzy. "MAV to Hermes?"

"Watney?" You gasped.

"Affirmative," he grunted.

"What's your status?" You asked calmly.

"Uhhh..." He winced and leaned back in his seat. "My chest hurts. I think I broke a rib. How are you, sweetheart?" He groaned.

"We're working on getting to you," you relayed. "There was a complication in the launch."

"Yeah," Watney dejectedly looked at the massive hole in the roof of his ship. "The canvas didn't hold. I think it ripped early in the ascent."

"That's consistent with what we saw during the launch," Lewis agreed.

"How bad is it, Commander?" he asked.

"We were able to correct the intercept range with Hermes's attitude thrusters, but there's a problem with the intercept velocity."

"How big a problem."

"Forty-two meters per second."

"Well..." Mark paused and tried to wrap his head around that number. "Shit."

//////////

You typed furiously, staring at your screen unblinkingly as you worked through all the possible ways to bring down the velocity.

"Hey, I've got an idea," Watney said.

"Of course you do, what have you got?" Lewis asked.

"I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to control it pretty easily."

"How does he come up with this shit?" Martinez laughed.

"I can't see you having any control if you did. You'd be eyeballing the intercept using a thrust vector you can barely control."

"I admit it's fatally dangerous, but consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man."

"We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said.

"Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man."

"Stand by," Lewis temporarily cut contact with Watney.

You furrowed your brows at the screen, waiting for the correct course of action to jump out at you. Suddenly, there it was. "Wait! that's it!" you looked back at the Commander. "Mark's a genius! We could use the ship's atmosphere as thrust. We could blow the vehicular airlock. Seal the bridge and the reactor room. Iron Man... But bigger!"

"....." Melissa stared at you for a moment before addressing Alex. "Vogel?"

"Yes commander?"

"I need you to come inside and make a bomb," she ordered.

~~~

"I have visual, I can see the MAV," Beck said. "Jesus Mark, what did you do to that thing?"

"You should see the rover," Mark radioed. He was ready to get out of his goddamned chair, ready to get away from this hunk of junk that could barely be considered a MAV.

"Call out my velocity to Mark every two seconds or so," Chris said.

"Copy." You responded.

"Hey Beck, the front's wide open. I'll get up there and be ready to grab at you." Watney said.

"Negative, no untethered movement. Stay strapped to your chair until you're attached to Beck."

"Copy." Mark huffed. Lewis was right, impatience would be the death of him out here and he had come too far to die now. Instead, he focused on your voice calling out the relative velocity.

"Three point one meters per second."

"Eleven meters to target."

"Six meters."

"Contact." Beck grabbed the canvas of the destroyed MAV. "Firm contact."

"You have fourteen seconds Dr. Beck."

"Copy."

Nothing could have prepared Watney for how he'd feel seeing Beck's helmet poking through the opening.

Pure. Unadulterated. Serotonin.

"Visual on Watney!"

"Visual on Beck!"

"How ya doin' man?" Beck pushed himself toward Mark, meanwhile Mark was trying not to have another emotional breakdown.

"I....I just...Give me a minute, you're the first person I've seen in eighteen months," Watney croaked.

"We don't have a minute," Beck clumsily collided with Mark. "Contact with Watney... Connected!"

"Restraints off," Watney called.

"We're outta here!"

//////////

"Houston, this is Hermes actual. Seven crew safely aboard," Lewis's voice echoed in your mind as you, Martinez, Johanssen, and Lewis pushed yourselves toward the airlock where Vogel and Beck were bringing him in.

Mark.

You could see his dusty helmet from the small window on the airlock. Already you were feeling an overwhelming ache deep in your chest. There he was, only a few feet away, behind this door. Your crewmates flew in and clambered for Watney.

"Hey guys!" He laughed.

You were frozen in the doorway.

His helmet came off.

Everything slowed down.

Everyone was smiling and laughing. High fiving. Quick hugs. They all wanted to get as far away from the smell as they could.

Your eyes met.

There were beads of what looked like water floating in the air. When did you start crying?

Mark held out his arms to you and you wasted no more time. He hugged you as tightly as he could with the bulky arms of his EVA suit. His face buried into your neck as he cried softly. "Y/N...." He whispered in a broken voice. "Y-Y/N?"

"I'm right here Mark... Right here." You cradled the back of his head, scratching that spot at the base of his neck. He always liked it when you did that

"I stink, don't I?" Watney laughed in between sobs.

"You do. You really do," You tried to keep up the joke. "But if im being completely honest, I couldn't possibly care less," you laughed.

Slowly, you pulled back so you could get a good look at his face. He was thin. Gaunt, and covered in bed sores. That should have been expected of course, It's not like he had anywhere to shower in the rover. He looked at you like you were an angel. He looked embarrassed, like he wanted to hide.

Your fingers danced over his cheek and his eyes fluttered closed at the tenderness. The crew watched on with pride and varying degrees of bashfulness.

Mark opened his eyes and stared at you pleadingly as orbs of tears flowed from their corners. "Y/N... Please..." He whispered.

You didn't hesitate for a second.

You grabbed the sides of Mark's face and smashed your lips against his. So soft... your hands are so soft and your lips are trembling. The heat of your skin, the scent of your hair. It was even better than he remembered. He couldn't breathe, he could barely even think. He wanted so desperately to kiss you back, to fall into your embrace until there's no space left between, but his ribs hurt like hell and his suit was in the way. Mark whimpered as your fingers tangled into his hair. Fuck. Fuck. 'Everything hurts baby, please don't stop kissing me,' he pleaded in his head. 'Don't stop.'

When you started pulling away, he reached out to pull you closer again, but winced when he moved his arm.

"Slow down, baby." You breathed and pressed a little smooch to his forehead.

"Alright love birds, I need to get Iron Man over here to sick bay."

"But-" Watney protested.

"No buts, you need an X-ray and a shower. Maybe three." Beck laughed.

Mark looked at you pleadingly and you caressed his face. "I'll be by once Beck fixes you up. I gotta help check the ship for damage. Okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "Don't miss me too much~"

"You seek the impossible, Watney." You kissed his forehead again and let Chris lead your Martian down the hall to his quarters.

"Wow," Martinez said "I can't decide if that was incredibly romantic or incredibly awkward."

"Shut up Martinez," You playfully shoved his shoulder.

"Honestly though, he smells terrible! You've got some nerves of steel, Y/L/N," Johanssen joked.

"My boyfriend just spent eighteen months alone on a remote planet, If he wants a kiss he's gonna get that goddamned kiss. Definitely not a quick one and definitely not a half-assed one. But I will say one thing," you grinned.

"What's that?" Lewis smirked.

"He's not getting another one until he brushes his teeth."

~~~

Mark settled into his bunk after what felt like hours. He finally had a bath. Five, in fact. The showers were on a timer to conserve water. He had to run that timer five times before he finally felt clean. The water hurt the sores on his skin, but he felt so much better afterward that he almost wanted to go in for a sixth one. Mark brushed his teeth about three times and got rid of all the tangles in his hair. He'd need someone to touch up the cutting job he did. Now that it was all brushed out, it looked astoundingly bad.

After his long grooming session, Beck took an X-ray and determined that he'd broken two ribs. Chris bandaged him up, gave him some pain medicine, made him eat, and sent him to bed for some well deserved rest. At first, Mark protested. He hated the idea of everyone else fixing the ship while their lead engineer was taking a nap. But he was painfully tired and painfully...well... in pain.

Hey! His bunk didn't smell like shit! That's a huge upgrade from his bunk in the Hab- no more thinking about that place.

With a deep groan, Watney eased himself into bed. Weird...his sheets smelled like you. He didn't mind of course, you always smelled nice. He had never been more thankful for the centripetal force spinning the ship. He would have hated having broken ribs in zero g's. He imagined trying to sleep with his body constantly moving ever so slightly. Sounded like hell to him.

Mark wondered what the others were doing. He hoped there wasn't something too terribly wrong with the ship. The subtle groans of metal didn't ease his nerves. He was never scared of the Hermes before, but he was just now coming to terms with that fact that the ship had taken some serious abuse over the past few months, not to mention the past few hours. Normally Hermes would undergo maintenance after each mission, but because they turned around to get him that maintenance was scrapped.

New fear unlocked: Dooming his team to die in space because they had to turn around and get him.

He almost thought the knocking on his door was the hull breaking apart into a billion little bite-sized pieces.

"Come in," he said.

He expected it to be Beck checking in on him, but he was relieved when you poked your head in with a shy smile.

"Heyyyy, look over there! It's the world's handsomest boyfriend!" You said with gusto.

"You are such a kiss ass," Mark laughed, which hurt his ribs, which made him laugh again from how pitiful he must look.

You scoffed as you stepped into his quarters, shutting the door behind you. "You calling me a liar?" you grabbed a loose storage box and used it as a chair so you could sit beside his bed.

"That's exactly what I'm calling you," he smirked. "Seriously. Have you seen me lately? I look like a... a popsicle stick with a bad haircut."

You looked him up and down. His sores looked a lot better after cleaning them. You had no doubt they would heal nicely. The malnourishment on the other hand... That might take some work. You and Beck already had a few dietary plans for him. You discussed it while you reorganized the chow hall. Still, Mark was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Even now, those alluring blue eyes were mesmerizing you. And let's not forget that goddamned tantalizing smile.

"I'm looking at you right now, babe," You giggled.

"And?"

"You're still as gorgeous as ever. Just a gorgeous man who's been through some shit," you carded your fingers through his hair. Mark hummed and closed his eyes. "How are you feeling?" you whispered.

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Emotionally, happy. Very happy. Best day of my life kind of happy," he smiled. "Physically, pretty shitty. The medicine hasn't kicked in."

"Anything I can do to help you feel better?" you asked warmly.

Watney sent you a smug look, "Oh, I can think of a few things that might help~"

"Not until your ribs are healed."

"Damn."

You leaned down and pushed his hair back so you could kiss his forehead. He gave you a dazed grin, "oh, what do you know? I feel better already," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "... I really missed you..."

"I missed you too Mark..."

"I can't believe I can... I can feel you again. I can hear you and see you and feel you... s'insane..." He reached up and cupped your cheek despite the pain. "You were always on my mind. I-I just really wanted... I wanted to make it back to you." He brought his thumb just under your eye to catch a stray tear.

You covered his hand with yours and pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I-I don't even know what to say... I've been feeling so much, I don't know how to... how to-" He swallowed hard.

"Everything's changed so fast," you reassured him. "But we aren't on the messaging system anymore. It's a long journey home, we have plenty of time to find the right words," you continued to run your fingers into his hair.

"I fucking love you... " he closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of your nails against his scalp. "I'm gonna marry you one day, decided just now."

"Just now?" You snickered.

"No...Realistically, it was the first night we uh... slept together. Do you remember that?" Watney chuckled.

"Of course I do," you smiled, thinking of his messy blonde hair, searing gaze, and strong arms. He took his time with you that night, unhurried, attentive, and unabashedly vocal. "How could I forget?"

Mark shook his head and looked away to hide his blush, but not even his smile could distract you from it. "Sorry, sorry. Go on, continue!"

"Well, I uh..." He let out a sheepish chuckle. "Obviously every part of that night was perfect, but it's what happened after that really changed things."

"Oh?" you leaned closer, curiosity getting the better of you.

"You let me be the little spoon. I'm fine with being the big spoon most of the time, but you gotta be the little spoon sometimes, you know? No one ever let me be the little spoon before you... And when I woke up, you were still holding me." His fingertips danced down your arm, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. Once he reached your hand, Mark intertwined your fingers. It wasn't a conscious movement for him, simply muscle memory. But you couldn't keep your mind off of it. "I know I goof around a lot, but I can't stress how serious I'm being when I say... I have never felt that loved before. It was just... such a perfect night. I knew that you were the one for me well before, but that was the first time I really saw my future flash before my eyes like that."

Your eyes stung a little as you tenderly kissed his lips. "Want to know when I decided?" you whispered against him.

"Please..." He whispered back.

"Remember when I had that terrible flu during the first year of our training program?"

"Oh damn, yeah I do! You looked terrible, baby." Mark teased.

"I felt terrible. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I definitely couldn't go to lectures... I was so worried about missing, even though the professors agreed there was no way I could come to class. You brought me a copy of your notes. The copy machine in the library was down, so you had to write them by hand... you even filled them with these horrible stick figure drawings," you laughed and Mark brought your knuckles to his lips and watched you, immersed in the sound of your voice. It was like he was trying to commit you to memory. You were doing much the same.

"Anyway, you stayed with me and you made some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. You stopped by everyday until I got better."

"We were just friends back then," he whispered against your hand.

"I know, but every time I think about how much I love you... that memory comes back, playing on repeat."

"Say that again."

"That again," you smirked. Mark gave you a sassy eyebrow. "Which part babe?" you laughed.

"The uh..." he trailed off.

You lightly kissed his cheek, "I love you, Mark... I love you so much." You peppered his face with little smooches. When you finally pulled back, he was all red again and teary eyed.

"I love you too, Y/N," He whispered. You sat together in silence for awhile before Mark suddenly remembered something extremely important! "Oh shit! I almost forgot!" He winced as he reached into his pocket. "Happy late four year anniversary!" He finally presented you with his gift.

Your fingers trembled as you took the little rock into your hands. Mark's Martian heart stared back up at you, dusting your palm orange.

"Y-you remembered our anniversary?"

"Of course I remembered! Have I ever forgotten before?" Mark smirked.

"N-no, but..." You couldn't help it, you were crying again god dammit. "Thank you Mark, I love it." You beamed and kissed him so hard he lost his entire train of thought. He sighed and pulled you closer like he had wanted to do hours ago. Fuck. There you go again, playing with his hair like it wasn't going to rile him up. He moaned and reached for your waist, only to be pulled swiftly back to reality by the jarring pain in his abdomen. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mark." You pulled away quickly.

"It wasn't you, I was getting too carried away." He winced and took a deep breath. "My bad," Watney laughed.

You sat down on the crate beside his bed and settled for playing with his hand. While you took inventory of every new callus, Mark once again saw his future flash right before his eyes. You and him and that little house with the green shutters. He's gonna have the best garden in the neighborhood, you'll have all the time in the world for reading. No potatoes. No disco.

"Y/N... Can you hold me?"

"Oh baby, I would love to but the beds are so small-"

"Ouch, oof, oh! ow!" He scooted closer to the wall to make room for you.

You sighed and shook your head. "Mark, your ribs-"

"Please..." he whispered. Dammit! What are you supposed to do when he gives you the puppy eyes!? Beck is going to kill you...

"I can't ever say no to you, can I?" You laughed and scooted into the bed. "Seriously, you've got me wrapped around your finger."

Mark smiled as you tucked yourself into his side. He wanted to be the little spoon, but he couldn't turn over so his back was against your chest. He'd just have to heal quickly, then he could freely snuggle, (and do other things) without any constraints!

He turned his head so he could admire your lovely, beautiful face. You were already looking back at him, one hand holding your rock close to your chest, the other was draped carefully over his waist. Mark swears he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his life.

He slowly leaned closer- Fuck! His ribs hurt so bad, where the hell is the Vicodin when you need it?

You gently smoothed out the crease between his brows with your thumb and pushed his hair back again. Mark closed his eyes, succumbing to the bliss that came with knowing he would never be alone again. You kissed him again and pulled his blanket over the both of you.

"I love you, Mark."

"I love you too."

He felt your hand slip under his shirt and onto his stomach. You drew soft shapes onto his skin, but stopped when you felt the scar just above the hem of his pants. It was jagged and angry.

He swallowed.

Much to his surprise and relief, you didn't pull your hand away. You just kept tracing the new territory.

He sighed and kissed your temple. His body shuddered in relief. "Th-this isn't a dream, right? You'll still be here when I wake up?" he whispered.

You peeked your head up and smiled "I'm not going anywhere, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." You leaned in and gave him one more kiss. He smiled into it and finally allowed himself to rest his eyes.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Y/L/N..."