#I've had these things for 16 years I have tried a LOT OF THINGS... I even wear a corset half the time
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sergle · 2 years ago
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I'm a recent follower so sorry if I'm giving unwarranted advice, but have you tried using those posture correcting back braces for back lain? I've got spinal stenosis, and when I get flare ups it at least helps a little bit to wear one
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diamondcitydarlin · 3 months ago
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Just fair warning- I said on my personal post about this that I wasn't going to talk about Neil Gaiman anymore, but as it's becoming clear that him and his publishers and anyone else who makes money off of him is circling the wagons and trying to bury these allegations, as well as some fans still defending and trying to 'rationalize' this information, I feel like, actually, we need to keep talking about him (as much as I cannot stand him and feel physically disgusted now when I so much as see his face somewhere). Specifically, the fact that he's a liar, master manipulator and should not, under any circumstances, be given access to his fans like he has in the past. At the very least. (And if you need to blacklist his name or even unfollow me so as to not be triggered, I completely understand, but I will always try to tag these posts accordingly and I think it's crucial right now that the truth be put where people can see)
This post specifically is in response to those 'rationalizations' I've seen, some that have gone as far as to blame the young fans/groupies that hooked up with him for being 'golddiggers' or just making a mountain out of a molehill for something they now regret. It's not that simple, yall. (And, again, this requires some amount of completely ignoring the story about him extorting his tenant for sex under threat of eviction of her and her three young children, I'm not sure how you 'rationalize' that under the best of circumstances)
So let's be clear here. What we know is that NG has routinely, for possibly an upwards of 30 years, pulled sexual 'partners' from his fan groups, most of whom are 18-22 year old young women (though possibly younger, accounts are coming forward of 16 year olds having allegedly been inappropriately touched/flirted/propositioned by him, which ig is the age of consent in the UK but still?? 16 year olds!!). This wasn't one or two times in the course of three decades, this was a constant pattern of behavior for him and for a very insidious reason.
This isn't to try to infantilize those fans or young women/young people in general or try to suggest that they couldn't have consented to sex with an older person or famous person. In fact, the onus isn't on them at all. This is about an older guy with a lot of fame, power and wealth choosing to sleep with people that he had already conditioned to idolize him and using that power imbalance to coerce them into doing things they didn't want to.
Regardless of one's age or gender identity, it can be difficult to impossible to say 'no' to someone like that. After all, you've been 'chosen' by the chosen one, you're special and not like everyone else, and if you don't do what the popular person everyone trusts is telling you to do you could end up ostracized. Alienated. Or worse. And you know what? Gaiman knew that! He knew it when he was crafting his 'approachable dad' persona on tumblr. He knew it when he was cultivating a fandom of personality. He knew it when he was having huge meetups to try to ensnare more victims. I hate to even think it, but I'm starting to believe he knew it when he was writing children's books too.
It's been talked about again and again in separate issues, but needless to say something not being strictly illegal does not make it inherently, morally okay. It does not erase the fact that this man has been essentially grooming his fandom to feel safe meeting/speaking with him so he can coerce those he can snare into sexual acts they're not comfortable with. That is predator behavior, whether strictly 'illegal' in the eyes of a court or not (but ofc I think he should be criminally punished even if I'm not naive enough to think he actually will be, because this IS rape and rape should be criminally punished)
I'm not personally advocating for anyone to give up being in his related fandoms, but what I am personally advocating for is that people don't forget who he is and what he's capable of, especially when he tries to crawl back to where he was (I'm almost certain he will eventually, as I've said).
Again, at the very least, we need to use what little influence we do have to keep him from infiltrating fan spaces again. He should not be on tumblr yukking it up with young people, he should not be at public appearances hitting on teenagers, he should not be given the unrestricted access to fans that he's 'enjoyed' for the past 30+ years because he is not a safe person. While I wish there was more in the way of restorative justice that could be done, I think at very, very least we should do what we can to limit his proximity to people he could hurt in the future. Make sure no one forgets, because sweeping this under the rug means Gaiman gets to hurt more people.
Lastly, no one is the wrong for having been manipulated by him. Let's make that very clear. What we're NOT gonna do is blame ourselves, each other, the victims, etc, for evil acts that Gaiman chose to do himself, time and time and time again. It doesn't help the situation and it certainly doesn't protect future potential victims. We were all duped because we're human and we attach and a lot of us want to believe there are good people out there, particularly those who make art that means so much to us.
And there are. But let's also use this a teaching/learning tool about how much faith we place in famous people in the future, regardless of how 'approachable' and 'safe' they might seem. Let's remember to have a healthy suspicion of creators/famous people that are oddly immersed in fandom spaces- yes, even the ones you still currently like that seem fine, as difficult as that may seem.
At the end of the day, we don't know them or what they're capable of doing or what they might be plotting to do to us. Support victims. Amplify their voices. Don't forget.
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kyaroscuro · 29 days ago
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All About You
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Maybe it's all about you when your youth is filled with each other's names and your heart has never changed. That's what Juyeon finds out when he falls in love with his best friend.
pairing : bff!juyeon x gn!reader (+bf to ex!sunwoo) genre : fluff, bestfriends to lovers, slow burn, slight angst but happy ending warnings : swearing/cursing, sex jokes, implied sex, mention of burnout, alcohol consumption, heartbreak, pet names (sweetheart, good girl, pretty, baby) notes : it's been a long road but i'm happy to introduce y'all to my baby! i've been (and still am) obsessed with juyeon since the zeneration 2 concert and i guess i've had a lot to write about him... i hope you'll find out the few references i've managed to sneak in! enjoy ✧.* shout out to my dear @winterchimez for proofreading and helping me during the whole writing process, you were a great help <3 words count : 13745
No one ever told you how relationships work. So when you fell in love with your best friend Juyeon at 16, you felt a little helpless. Should he be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Was it wrong to lean on him when he welcomed you into his arms for a movie night? Eventually those feelings faded as you both started dating, and you wondered if it was even true love. Maybe the 16-year-old teenager you were was just attracted to the idea of being close to another soul, mentally and physically.
Maybe yes.
The only thing you know right now at 24, is that the feelings you had for Juyeon back then were nothing compared to the ones you have for Sunwoo today. The attention and love he gives you makes everyone jealous. Even Juyeon himself.
If he wanted to take you out to dinner, you would turn him down because you already had plans with Sunwoo. Arcade, karaoke, late night walks, picnics, fancy restaurants or fast food, you’re always together. Sometimes when you feel like staying in, Juyeon would show up, hoping to watch a movie like the good old days. But he’s met with Sunwoo at the door and doesn’t have the energy to see you being all lovey-dovey.
He knows better than to be a third wheel. As much as he understands the time you spend with your boyfriend, he can’t help but feel jealous and left out. You’re not trying to make him feel that way, you just needed Sunwoo’s presence.
The two of you met in your 3rd year of thesis. He was actually the student under your supervision for his end-of-studies internship. You obviously spent six months seeing each other and working together – in the lab, the library, cafes and even at home. You both grew closer in no time, and that’s only fair given the fact that Sunwoo is a living comedian. You don’t think you would have made it through the whole editing process without his support.
The funniest thing he had ever done was that he was proofreading your work while you did the same for his. Sure enough, you both graduated with the help from one another and a couple of kisses were shared.
From Juyeon’s point of view, those six months felt like an eternity. He had a girlfriend at the time and couldn’t really go out with you. You were both busy for different reasons, but still tried to see each other once a week. But when you did see each other, you always talked about Sunwoo and he talked about his girlfriend. That’s what your lives were made of, but it was a little heartbreaking that you were best friends who only talked about your partners.
“How’s the job hunt going?” He asked at one of your meetings.
“Great actually, I felt like giving up, but I didn’t endure those three years to throw it all away, did I? Sunwoo helped me a lot, he’s my lifesaver.”
Juyeon felt like throwing up, as if his heart had been stepped on the moment he heard those words, and he didn’t know why.
“What about you?” You asked him, cutting his train of thought.
Oh, he knew you were talking about his own job, which he quit a few months ago (more like he’s on a break because he’s burned out). But it’s not like he has to tell you; he doesn’t have the guts to anyway. He thinks you would be sad and angry with him, when all you really want is for him to be happy. And he’s also upset that he’s had to give up on his dream job because it was affecting his health. Thankfully, his boss has been kind enough to give him a chance to rest up for now. Maybe all he needs to keep going is your reassurance?
“We broke up.” He says quietly, looking down at his hands.
“I’m so sorry Juyo, aren’t you too sad?” You say as you reach out to him.
“To be honest, I am.” He admits, looking up at you, a small smile forms on his lips. “It was a mutual agreement, but I feel like I screwed it up. She said I needed to think about my own needs and wants.”
“And what do you want?”
“To spend time with you.” He says straightforwardly.
Your cheeks flushed at his sudden comment. Has he always been so honest?
“I’m free tomorrow if you’re fine with that? Sunwoo is going out with his band.” You say, eager to spend more time with him. “Oh, and Juyo; you should know that I will always make time for you. You’re a big part of my life and I care about you more than anyone else so please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. I’m just one call away.”
“I know that but I always seem to bother you.” He says, a little ashamed to think so.
“You don’t. What makes you think that?” You frown at his words, wondering if he actually meant them. “You have no idea how much I look forward to our weekly meetings! It keeps me going during the week, I swear, ask Sunwoo he only hears about you.”
“Oh,” he responded, feeling delighted with your words.
“Yes Juyo, I miss you a lot.” You gasped shyly, suddenly very focused on your hot cup.
“I miss you even more.” He looks for your eyes with a hint of fondness that you don’t notice, even when you raise your head to tell him,
“So tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” he smiles, pleased to see you smile back with the same touch of affection.
When you think about it, you don’t understand how it is possible to break up with Lee Juyeon. You didn’t really know the girl he was dating, you never met her, you only saw her face in a picture once. But you do know your best friend, and he’s not the type to break someone’s heart. He would fight for the person he loves, even if it doesn’t work out. Juyeon is love personified. So how can you reject him?
Woo ☼ (3)
Sweetheart I miss you
When are you coming back home
I have a present for you
What kind of present?
Me ;)
OMW
Juyo <3 (1)
Thanks for today, I can’t wait for tomorrow. Pick you up at 10?
Will be pretty and ready!
Always pretty but ready? I’m looking forward to it
As soon as you read his message, your heart began to thump real loud and your cheeks immediately flushed red. Who are you and what have you done to Juyeon? When did he become so flirty? Or maybe he has always been like this and you never cared before. But why do you even care now? 
When you were 16, you remember vividly how he kissed your hand goodbye because he was a gentleman and you were a darling. Everyone at school made fun of you for being so old-fashioned, but little did they know that you liked it. Eventually, when you turned 17, he dropped the act and started kissing your forehead instead. It was a hundred per cent worse. Your cheeks turned pink every time you thought about it and people were calling you out for being highkey on PDA and asking you to spare the singles.
Maybe then he was always this flirty.
It didn’t matter much to you because it was puppy love. The first man you ever loved. Until Sunwoo came into the picture.
“How was your date sweetheart?” You laugh into the kiss he greets you with.
“Pretty good, I think I’m developing feelings, I don’t know, he’s just so sweet and- Ouch Sunwoo!” You yelped, surprised by his sudden, somewhat erotic gesture.
“What?” He giggles innocently.
“You didn’t have to pin me against the wall, did you?” You ask rhetorically, knowing full well what his answer will be.
“I did,” his sparkling eyes turn to onyx, his tongue runs over his lips and his gaze travels up and down your body as he answers.
“Yeah?” You whisper, aroused by his deep voice.
“Yes.”
His plump lips are all over yours in an instant, taking your breath away. To deepen the kiss and emphasise his need to be closer, he grabs your legs so you can wrap them around his waist and welcome him in. Your arms wrap around his neck as you yield, kissing him back with passion and love. He doesn’t let go until you’re both out of breath, and then he kisses you again and again like a madman. Eventually, you’re so lost in the pleasure of his kisses that when you feel him nipping at your neck, you push him away, panting.
“I understand that Juyeon is your best friend,” he says with a heavy voice. “But you can’t joke about dating another man.”
He doesn’t give you a chance to answer as he runs his tongue over your lips before kissing you lazily. You stick out your tongue, waiting for him to resume his kiss. He chuckles at your behaviour but kisses you nonetheless.
“Good girl hm, are you hungry?” He utters with lustful and honey dripping eyes.
“Let’s take this into the bedroom then.” At his promise to take you to heaven, you nod eagerly, excited to see what he has planned for you.
You don’t quite remember what happened after that, too lost in lust and love. You felt the kisses on your forehead and the caresses in your hair before he left the bed.
Suddenly, nothing. All you felt was emptiness.
You turn to check your phone when you yelp in pain because your back hurts. Your man was a beast last night.
Wait.
9:30am?
You hurriedly get out of bed, taking in your dishevelled appearance and the hickeys Sunwoo had the courtesy to leave on your body. You’re ashamed to go out like this, because you know that you have little to no time to cover them up.
More importantly, Juyeon will notice them. It’s not that you cared about exposing your sex life, you have a lot of fun with Sunwoo and he’s the greatest in and out of bed. But for Juyeon to see you in such a vulnerable way? It does something to you and you can’t figure out why.
You never talked about your sex life with Juyeon although you are best friends; you two are kind of secretive. Sure, there were times when you complained that your exes were terrible kissers or that dates were horrible. But when it comes to any form of intimacy, it was out of the books. You both never joked about kinks, never asked about turn-ons. Yet, you shared your very first kiss with Juyeon when you were 16.
It was a bit messy and hilarious because you had no idea what you were doing. You remember how when he dropped you off after school or after a playdate, he had this cute habit of kissing your hand goodbye. It was also at that age when you started going to parties – a party between friends, no alcohol, maybe just some cheap beer that tasted like grass. But that was fun and it was also the time when you were introduced to love, through couples and kisses.
Love has always been a foreign language to you. You know for a fact that love is what your parents share with each other, through physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts but also through struggles.
But you also know that the person you’re closest to doing those things is Juyeon. You both were always cuddling, fighting over movies or places to eat. You both would also cheer, support and reassure each other.
You both would always have each other on your minds, sending texts, calling or buying sweet things. It’s only fair that you thought you were in love with him, isn’t it?
And that faithful night, at your birthday party, he thought it would be a great idea to carry you and run around in circles until he lost his balance and fell with you laying on top of him. You didn’t know what was going through his mind, but you saw flames in his starry eyes, and then he pecked at your lips. He brushed it off by pulling you up and wishing you a happy birthday but your heart was racing and so was his.
“Sorry Ju, I woke up late, I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” you pout as you reached his car, pressing a kiss on his cheek.
“Thank god your prettiness makes up for lost time,” he jokingly hugs you, his hands laying a little low on your waist. “But you have to take responsibility for making me wait.”
“Juyeon! It’s been 5 minutes you can’t blame me for the delay!” You wriggle into his embrace and put your head in the crook of his neck, a little embarrassed but wanting to be close to him.
“I can, and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he whistles, taking you out of his arms to observe the love bites on your fair skin. “Maybe you’d be on time if you hadn’t had so much fun last night.”
“Y-Yeah, I walked into a trap,” you stammered, speechless.
“The kind of trap you can’t refuse, I bet.”
And he opens the passenger door before giving you his hand to help you get in. You look at his hand and then straight into his eyes to understand where that confidence comes from, but he just smiles and nods.
“Come on, we have much to do before the carriage turns into a pumpkin.” He smiles and fights with the wind to tuck a wild strand of hair behind your ear.
Spending time with Juyeon is one of the things you adore the most in the world. You were so used to spending your days with him when you were teenagers that you almost forgot what it was like. The princess treatment, the cafe dates, the shopping and giving opinions on outfits, the restaurants. Now that you’re all grown up, reliving those moments feels a little bit odd but great. After all, you’re the same people who dance to the music in every corner shop and laugh at every silly move you make.
Going out with Juyeon is also all about treats and gifts. You have this implicit rule that when you’re out and about, you’re encouraged to pay in turns – be it at the restaurants, bars or for desserts. And of course, he pleases you more often than you please him, but you tend to buy more things related to him – matching items or clothes that reflect his style.
“Look at this cute bracelet! We should get it to celebrate our 10 years offriendship,” you beamed, slipping the bracelet around his wrist without a word of protest to see how it looks.
“But it’s paired with a promise ring?” He comments, in case you haven’t noticed and had a change of heart.
“Then we can get the ring in another 10 years,” you giggle and squeeze his hand to reassure him that this is what you want.
Happy with your little joke, you went to the cashier to buy the bracelets. But it sparked something within Juyeon’s heart. He may be slow to understand, but you don’t have to tell him twice. You consider him to be your significant other. That’s what a promise ring means.
After all, you wanted to commit yourself to him for the rest of your life. You’re his best friend and that should be normal. It is normal to stick by each other’s side. But why is his heart missing a beat?
If you ask Juyeon about his relationship with you, he would describe it as “enchanting”. You’re the most important thing to him. Ever since he bumped into you in 3rd grade, you two have been inseparable. But there’s something that’s always bothered him.
In the beginning, he thought it was because you were the only one that he was really close to. He didn’t look at you any differently. But every time you smiled, he felt a twist in his stomach. Then he made it his goal to make you blush and to kiss your hand. It was thrilling to see you all flustered by his own actions.
He grew up and unfortunately that feeling never went away. In the end, he thought that maybe it was just the hormones. A 16-year-old boy needs to get to know his body and its needs. That’s what he did. Eventually the feelings vanished, but the uncomfortable feeling stayed. Even when he was with his ex.
He’s well aware that you are in a relationship with Sunwoo and that the two of you are in love. He’s never been happier for you. After all the people who have taken advantage of you, you deserve someone positive. Someone who will be there for you and will make you feel loved and truly fall in love. Like Sunwoo.
And yet, he doesn’t know why he’s so attracted to you. He needs to explore his feelings. At least to understand them. Even if it costs him.
“How about a drink?” He asks as the sun is about to go down.
“No, you need to drive safely.” You flinched, clearly against the idea of losing him in such a stupid way.
“What about my place? You know I have this amazing balcony overlooking the sea.” He offers in return with a smirk.
“Deal,” you say with gleaming eyes.
You love Juyeon’s apartment; it has a soft and romantic atmosphere and it’s even more beautiful when the sun goes down. The many plants he has turn a warm orange with the colours of the sky and you swear, it’s so beautiful, like a haven of peace.
“Red or white?” He asks, holding the two bottles out for you.
“Anything’s fine, choose for me please Juyo,” you sing-song, happy to share this moment with him.
While you are setting up his balcony table with candles and wine glasses, he returns with a red bottle and appetisers. He gestures for you to sit on the bean bag and pour the wine like a real chef. You whistle, impressed by his newfound skill. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be Juyeon if he didn’t do a little dance to make you laugh before handing you your glass.
Now that he’s seated, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. It’s quiet, but you can hear the faint music coming from the living room speakers. Juyeon has never liked the silence, so he always needs to have some kind of background music to feel comfortable. He says it calms him down, especially when he’s nervous, and you have to agree with that.
But does that mean that he was nervous right now?
He never needed music with you, as he always said your voice was his own melody – the harmony he couldn’t get enough of. 
“Thank you,” he whispers, pulling you out of your reverie.
You nod, knowing exactly what he means, and reach out to take his hand. He intertwines your fingers and, in the pink-orange hues of the sky you catch yourself blushing. You risk a glance to see him starring absent-mindedly into space and you seize the opportunity to stare him down.
His bangs, usually on his forehead are pushed back, giving him a more mature and sexy look. His eyes, in a beautiful crescent shape, shine with the intensity of the stars. His pretty nose sits up on his face, like a trophy ready to be claimed. And his lips. They’re curled into a gentle smile.
Without a care in the world, he runs his tongue over them and opens them as if he wanted to speak. But no sound comes out, except for the tongue he’s now biting. Suddenly, as if he was aware that you are looking at him, he turns to meet your gaze. Truth be told, you weren’t very discreet. His dark eyes hold yours, then move to your lips, and you see the faint beginnings of a smirk on his lips before he bursts into laughter. 
“Like what you see?” He points out, all smug.
That fucker.
You slapped him playfully before you realised you were biting your lips. Yet, he still looks at you as if you were the one who hung the stars in the sky and shone in their place.
All of a sudden, his eyes turn mischievous and you find yourself in his arms as he leads you into the living room. He turns up the music, grabs the camera, puts on a pair of framed glasses and starts dancing. You joined him, because there is no world in which you wouldn’t follow Juyeon. You dance like you’re in a club, grab the wine bottle and shout the lyrics at the top of your lungs. Juyeon films you through the mirror and you play along, you’re the model, he’s the artist. Until he puts the camera in a corner to film the both of you and starts to dance an old choreo that you both did. You smile broadly and the night goes by like this. In between drinking and dancing.
At some point, you find yourselves taking a stroll, jumping and dancing around poles. Oh, but you’re not drunk! Juyeon took out his camera and kept filming you, laughing. The man was hyping you up, the street was your runway! And even though it was a little embarrassing, you had a lot of fun. Trust Juyeon to make you feel the best!
Around midnight, you were eating ice cream in the nearest park when your phone screen lit up with a call.
Woo ☼.
Oh, no. You forgot to inform him you were going out with yesterday’s activities.
“Babyyyyy,” he whines, sounding tired, “where you aaaat.”
“At Juyeon’s, we-“ You’re cut off as Juyeon steals your phone, brushing against your hands a little too long.
“Sorry,” he hiccups, “is it all right if we keep each other company for the night? I can’t drive right now.” Juyeon tries to apologise but is cut short by Sunwoo.
“Had a fun night I see?”
You can feel his anger rising from the way his voice drops an octave. Sunwoo has always been jealous of Juyeon. When you got together, he was very insecure at first, knowing that you had a male best friend and seeing you spend so much time with him. It took some time, but the trust you’ve built up has overcome that awful feeling.
You still have to reassure him sometimes, and that’s okay because Juyeon is your best friend and Sunwoo is your boyfriend. You love them both in different ways. You talked about it with Juyeon and later he got jealous because you spent all your time with Sunwoo on your trip to comfort him. It wasn’t easy, but they learnt to trust you. Along the way, you may have convinced yourself that everything would be fine.
“Sunny, baby, I’m sorry I didn’t inform you. I will sleep at Juyeon’s and be back first thing in the morning before you wake up,” you say in a soft voice, trying to soothe him.
“I’m sorry too,” he voices out, letting out a breath lost in his own emotions, “I panicked when I didn’t see you at home. But I’m glad you’re all right.”
“I know,” you sighed, glancing at Juyeon, “I’m in good hands, I promise.”
“Hurry back, I miss my goodnight kiss already.” He replies, seemingly content with the current arrangement.
“Will be there in no time,” you giggled.
“I love you,” he answers, a smile blooming in his voice.
“I love you too.”
He hangs up just as he called, smiley, which makes you beam in return. However, when you turn to face Juyeon he’s anything but smiling. In his frowning eyes you decipher a sombre mood. Something in complete contrast to the joy you shared tonight. You reach out to grab his hand, but he pulls it back before you can do so.
“We should head back, it’s getting late.” He says firmly.
Your heart breaks at his words. Without giving him a chance, you cupped his face, forcing him to look at you. The hurt look in his eyes makes your heart swell. You scan him to see if he wants to answer, but he avoids you. You’re so close and yet so far away. You feel like throwing up, because your best friend never acted like this around you. He never once avoided you nor stopped talking to you. Thus, you did the only thing you can think of.
You hugged him, as tightly as you can.
You feel his heart pounding and wonder if it’s from the unknown emotions he’s carrying or from your physical touch. You put your hand on his broad chest to feel his heartbeat and plant a kiss on it to reassure him. It stirs something in Juyeon and he hugs you back so tightly you think you’ll lose your breath. He holds you in his arms for what seems like an eternity, your head nestled in the crook of his neck. But you don’t complain, you felt safe.
You stay there, in the warm embrace that contrasts with the cool of the night, squeezing him a little tighter when you hear passers-by whistling lovingly at you. When he lets go, you can see the faint pink colour that tints his cheeks, brought out by the street lights. But little did you know that you have the same colours on your face, if not stronger?
“You okay?” You ask as you rub small circles on his back.
“Yes I am,” he lies openly in a husky voice, “I’m okay.”
Juyeon is fucked. Completely screwed. He’s absolutely, unquestionably and sincerely in love with you.
He has been for quite some time, now that he thinks about it. But he never admitted it. That damned twist in his gut that never left his mind, he knows where it comes from now.
In order to cope with his newfound feelings he lets you use the bathroom first while he changes the sheets and tidies up the living room. He’s floating, not sure if he will ever get a wink of sleep. Especially if you both sleep in the same bed. Because to you, he’s just your best friend, the one you’ve slept with countless times. No strings attached.
He can’t imagine you in his arms, nor can he look forward to waking up by your side. You’re not his.
“Juyo?” Your tired voice echoes from the corridor. “C-Can I get some clothes?”
Oh. That doesn’t mean anything. You have always shared clothes. Then why was he so excited to see you in them? Right, because he’s madly in love with you and knows you will look ravishing in his big shirt. Also because sharing clothes is such an intimate thing couples do. If he lends you his current pyjamas because they have his scent on them, you couldn’t blame him. He’s just a man.
“Are you coming?” You inquire, walking towards him.
It’s worse than anything he’d ever imagined. The shirt is definitely too big for you going down one shoulder, showing the beginning of your chest and reaching halfway up your thighs. What’s more, your pretty thighs are covered by the shorts that rises up when you sit next to him. He looks away, embarrassed to be staring at you.
“I will sleep on the couch, don’t worry about me.”
“No way,” you retorted with little energy left, “your bed is big enough for both of us.”
He’s been acting strange today. First he was feeling all overconfident, then flirtatious, followed by anger, and now shyness and embarrassment. You take a piece of the blanket lying on his lap and you stretch your legs out on the sofa, letting your head fall on his shoulder. Sleep can wait, Juyeon can’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Don’t lie to me.” You ask, breathing softly into his ear.
“No,” he shudders, with a faraway look in his eyes, “I’m not okay and I don’t know how to get through this.”
“What’s wrong Juyo? Do you want to talk about it?” You pause to gauge his reaction. “Is it about your ex?”
“More or less,” he breathes out. “The breakup wasn’t that bad, like I said, it was a mutual decision. It’s just- when you started dating Sunwoo I was so happy for you, happy that you found someone who was worthy of your love and loved you the right way. And I thought I would be happy if I found that special someone, I longed for it. But I ended up in different relationships throughout the year, never lasting more than two months. And that’s ok, maybe they weren’t the right person for me, maybe it wasn’t the right time, maybe this, maybe that. I really thought I was going to be happy and I ended up getting my heart broken every time. As much as I believe now that I don’t deserve to be loved. I think I went into my last relationship in that state of mind, and I think she felt it too. Hard not to, is it? We had long talks and great times together; I think I really liked her. And I know she liked me back, I’m just not ready to be in an exclusive relationship right now.”
And everything he said is true, he’s more than happy for you and he thought he would be happy. But he can’t be happy in a relationship that isn’t with you.
“There’s also something I’ve never told you,” he continues, sniggering at the absurdity of his reasoning. “Something I should have told you a long time ago, it doesn’t make me proud, and it sort of reflects why my love life was so messed up. I can’t say it’s the only reason, but it played a big part in my mental health.”
You want to cry so badly, he has endured it all alone and it must have weighed heavily on him. At this point, you’re just waiting to speak and respond but every word that comes out of his beautiful mouth leaves you speechless. You’re such a bad friend that you’ve never noticed the way his eyes get dark and gloomy, or how he cancels your plans at the last minute because he’s got something else planned. When in fact it was sadness overload. Sure everyone has their own coping mechanisms, you wish you could have been there for him, but here you were Juyeon letting you in and you’re here to stay.
“It’s been two months since I was diagnosed with burnout and stopped working. It started off as something mild when I came home more exhausted than usual. I thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep but then I started to feel mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. It was hard to concentrate on my daily tasks and you know how much I love my job? I felt like I was going to die because I couldn’t even have fun doing what I love. Going out with you, my friends or my ex felt great, but I wasn’t as invested as I used to be.” He pauses to catch his breath and swallow back the tears.
“Don’t get me wrong, today was absolutely perfect and I was hyped, I still am. Today felt like going back to when we were sixteen and I loved it. I’m actually starting to feel better. The break up helped a lot because it was taking a toll on my mental health. I know I said I liked her and I did, but I couldn’t help but feel unwanted. Even when she was riding me,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.
“And it hurts that I didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it because I was afraid of how you would react. Like, hello, I’m taking a break from work because I feel like shit? And I would really like to get your approval so that I can move on. Because you mean everything to me,” he ends shyly.
“Juyeon,” you say in a soft and caring voice, “you mean the world to me too.”
You continued. “You mean the whole world to me and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I could come up with something, but it wouldn’t make up for what you’ve been through. You are strong, stronger than anyone. It’s so hard to keep your head above water that I’m proud of you for speaking up and even stopping work. Because focusing on your health is the most important thing. Situation and money may go but I will always stay. I’m so proud of you, proud of who you are and who you’re becoming. You’ll never stop growing and I’ll be there every step of the way, watching you blossom and be happy.”
“And I know you feel like you’ll never be happy,” you resumed, holding his hand. “The only thing I can say is, as hard as it seems, everything you live makes you stronger. Even more beautiful. There’s someone in this world waiting patiently for you, to love you properly, to make you feel loved and wanted. You’re an exceptional person, Juyeon. By that I mean you go above and beyond the call of duty, you give your total support and care, you show up when something’s wrong and I bet you’re an even more protective lover. We did everything together, cried, laughed, smiled, loved. My youth was filled with you and I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t happy because you were and are always by my side.”
“Today was the best time I’ve had in weeks, and that’s because I am with you. We danced, a lot. And you know how dancing has always been our escape,” you paused as you saw the first hint of a smile creep across his face as you continued. “I saw your smile, it was genuine and you were so beautiful. It may have been hard, you’ve been hard on yourself, but today the man I saw was happy. I’m happy because you’re happy, and I’m sad when you’re sad. We are one Juyeon, and I want you to know that I’m here for you, always.”
Long before you have finished speaking, he has taken you in his arms. His embrace is not heavy, but you can feel the weight on his shoulders lighten. You have so many feelings for him, they all blend together and you don’t seem to feel the butterflies in your stomach or the fire he has lit in your heart.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he confesses.
“And what would I be without you?”
Your head rests on his chest and he’s suddenly afraid you can hear his heart beating. You’re so beautiful, your tired eyes fighting sleep and your lashes fluttering. His shirt slipped off your shoulder as he held you in his arms and the permanent smile on your face makes him completely weak. He could kiss you right now. If only you were single.
“Let’s go to sleep, hm?” He caresses your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Together?” You cracked yet another smile.
“Together,” he grins from ear to ear.
Your arms find their way around his neck and you bend your head to make an implicit request. His hands go around your waist and below your knees before he stands up and carries you bridal style. You both laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but also blushed at the romantic gesture. He sets you down on (what his brain calls) your side of the bed and plants a kiss on your forehead.
He then goes through his nightly routine before coming back to you, wrapped in the covers, fast asleep. His heart is about to explode. Now that he is aware of his feelings, he is overwhelmed by the love he has been repressing. He slides in next to you and holds back from embracing you. And if you happen to get close and make your way into his arms, he’ll be delighted to hold you tight.
“Sleep well Starlight, I love you,” he mumbles, kissing your hair.
“I love you more Juyo.”
Waking up the next morning wasn’t as awkward as Juyeon might have thought after the pseudo-confession you heard. He woke up first when he felt you shift in his arms. Because yes, you ended up in his arms, face against his torso. He tried not to make a big deal out of it, calming his breathing and enjoying the warmth of your body. Absentmindedly, his hand caresses your tangled hair, smoothing it and slowly waking you from your slumber.
“Good morning Starlight,” he says, honey dripping from his hoarse voice. “Slept well?”
“Like a baby, you?” You yawned, looking up from his chest.
“Even better than a baby.” He doesn’t want to let you go, once you’re out of his bedroom he’ll have to go back to his little miserable life without your starlight to light it up.
“Shall we take you home? Your boyfriend might get impatient,” he laughs, remembering the events of the previous night.
“Well, he’ll have to wait until I’m full from breakfast! I know someone who makes pancakes to die for,” you winked as you get out of his clothes and disappear into the bathroom.
You know you said you’d be back before he wakes up, and you want to. You miss him. But being in Juyeon’s arms, feeling the regular beat of his heart, makes you feel at home. You don’t want to end what you both have now.
You eat breakfast in relatively silence, except when Juyeon tries to flip the pancakes in the frying pan only to have one stick to the wall. And you watch him adoringly from where you sit, trying to make up for his silliness.
In the end, you leave his apartment in no time at all, dreading your return to your own home. Even though you know that Sunwoo is patiently waiting for you. The last two days you spent with Juyeon were out of time, it was an enchanted interlude and the return to real life suddenly seems very difficult.
He drops you off in front of the building, not without kissing you on the cheek and saying goodbye for the last time. You try not to think of it as a date night as you head for the front door but he’s quick to say “We’re not done yet, you’ll see me more often now” he chimed as he watches you smile and gets in.
The smile doesn’t leave your face until you turn the key in the lock and come face to face with Sunwoo, smiling from head to toe. He takes you in his arms and spins you around before planting kisses all over your face.
“Sunny,” you giggled, “please.”
“But I missed you,” you press a kiss to his lips as he answers, and you feel him smile through it.
“I’m sorry I overreacted, you know I get scared easily, but I shouldn’t take it out on you when you haven’t done anything,” he apologised, bowing his head.
“No, it’s my fault too,” you shake your head. “We had a crazy night and when I woke up you were gone. I was also late and didn’t want to keep him waiting.”
“You know that I’m jealous of Juyeon, right? He might be your best friend, but he might see you as more than that. You can’t say you didn’t want him to wait, because what, you’re willing to make me wait like yesterday but not him? It’s unfair, because you always end up prioritising him.” He bellows, frustrated.
“Sunwoo please,” you begged. “Sunwoo, listen to me, please.” He takes a step back, feeling his anger rising.
“To say what? That you needed to be with him? That he needs you? Bullshit, look me in the eye and tell me he doesn’t have feelings for you!” He shouts in a pissed off rage.
He goes back into the living room and you follow him to see him pacing back and forth. You can tell he’s furious. He always gets angry when you mention Juyeon and it pisses you off. You can’t even spend a day with your best friend because he gets jealous? You’ve been together long enough to think he’s finally understood that he’s the one you love. But as displeased as you are, you’ll never stop telling him and reminding him that you love him. Because couples fight, because he’s insecure and because you care.
“You might as well develop feelings for him!” He spits vociferously.
“He broke up with his girlfriend and lost his job,” you drop, tired of this pointless battle. “So yes, he needed me. And yes, I needed to be with him. I feel like an absolutely shitty friend because I’ve been sitting in his company for weeks and I didn’t even notice that his heart was being broken to pieces. You can shout at me as much as you want Sunwoo, but you’re the one I love. Juyeon may need me again in the future and I’ll be there for him, but at the end of the day I love you and only you.”
“You’re lying. T-There’s no way he…“ He tries to take your hand but you step back, annoyed.
“Have I ever lie to you, Sunwoo?”
The sheepish and upset look on his face is enough to tell you that he’s blaming himself. So you lead him over to the sofa and tell him everything, from the break-up to his exhaustion, which means burnout, but leave out the private details. It’s a lot to take in, and you wonder if he’ll ever believe you. Why would you lie about something so important?
You love Sunwoo, you really do. But you can’t help but be a little irritated by his behaviour. You feel terrible for even thinking and feeling this way, but Juyeon is your best friend! What was wrong with that? What doesn’t he understand about the word “best friend”? You sighed as you take him in your arms and stroke his back, both to calm him down and to ease your own mind. You hold each other for a while, for as long as your hearts desire, but your minds wander to Juyeon. You miss him and you wonder what he’s up to, when you’ll see each other again. Another sigh escapes your lips and Sunwoo looks at you questioningly.
“Movie?” You ask, trying to divert your attention from Juyeon.
“It’s 11,” he chuckles, finally at peace.
“Yeah, so? We can order pizzas and spend the day at home?” You kiss his hand with doe eyes.
“Sounds like a fabulous idea,” he quickly grabs his phone to place an order, “same as usual?”
“I’m feeling adventurous today, so pick whatever you like!”
You hear your own phone buzzing as he focuses on the app again. And obviously it’s the boy of all the arguments, the one who’s been on your mind since you got home and who seems to be distracting you a lot.
Juyo <3 (1)
I miss ya, whatcha doing?
Thinking about u
That ain’t possible
Whyyyy
Because I’m thinking about you
“Who are you talking to with that smiley face?” Sunwoo asks, tilting his head.
“Changmin, he’s talking about the person he met and he seems so in love.”
It's a half-hearted lie, because Changmin told you about the person he recently met, but also because if you say Juyeon's name right now, civil war will break out.
Juyo <3
Oh yeah, prove it?
Seconds later, your phone rings with an incoming call from Juyeon.
Juyo <3
JUYEON YOU CAN’T DO THIS
YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME
Aw pretty’s scared by a sudden phone call?
Actually…
You take a second to answer, pondering if it’s a good idea to tell him about your couple’s conflict. Especially when he’s the one causing it.
Juyo <3 (1)
Am I disturbing you?
You always turn my world upside down
Same goes for you Starlight ;)
So?
I had a fight with Sunwoo
Nothing bad, we already made up
But it’s becoming a recurring thing, and I hate it
Have you talked about it?
That it’s getting hard for you?
Yes and no
We always talk about it, set limits and make up but weeks later it’s as if the conversation never happened
As much as I love him I’m tired Ju
No, you don’t have the right to say you’re tired, because that would mean you’re ready to give up on your relationship for a few fights?
I’m afraid that’s not a valid reason
And I know you’re not the type to give up on someone you love
So take matters into your own hands, spend the day with him and make out ffs
Yeah, haha, you’re right
We’ll eat pizzas and watch a film, that’ll definitely help
And I’ll see if he’s nice enough to make out with him
I can be good for you instead ;)
Yah! You’re losing points Lee Juyeon!
I’m only aiming for the 10s sorry!
Right in the bull’s eye
Which is my heart yes
GTG JUYO
TTYL I LOVE YOU
<3
And I love you more <3
You saw his message through the notification, which you cowardly rejected, but that didn’t stop you from smiling. The conversation had to end quickly, as you were venturing into uncharted territory that doesn't leave you impassive. Besides, Sunwoo was getting suspicious of your big smile.
And he’s right, because what the hell was that? You’re such a coward whose heart beats a hundred miles an hour. He’s definitely winning points, but you’ll never admit it, and to what end? Your heart doesn’t know yet.
On the contrary, Juyeon’s heart beats wildly at your bravery. He doesn’t want to flirt despite his growing feelings, but you leave the door open too wide for him not to come in.
You’re still his best friend, so if you ever need advice or a listening ear, he’ll be there. Like that horrible joke about making out, he hated it. But he knew that it would make you laugh and feel better, because he knows you better than anyone else.
So why can’t he read your feelings? You're not usually so cryptic for no reason, he's sure of that. Yet the changes in your heart can be seen gradually: your sweet words, as well as the ambiguous ones, all carry a special and deep meaning. You’re a book Juyeon is dying to read, but you’re not descriptive enough for him to decipher just yet.
Sunwoo used to read you easily, but he’s not sure of anything anymore. He knows that you love him, that your love language consists of words of affirmation and that you never stop reminding him of it. And yet his insecurities always get the best of him and you end up fighting. The truth is, he’s afraid. You’ve always spent a lot of time with Juyeon and that’s fair, you’ve known each other for almost ten years. But shouldn’t you make up for that time with your one-year boyfriend?
He knows he can’t restrict you or your outings, that would be a dick move and he’s not a dick. You have lots of boy friends and he’s okay with that, but Juyeon? Juyeon annoys him. He seems too perfect to be true:  his looks, his gentle and romantic nature. He’s in a one-sided competition because Juyeon couldn’t care less. Or so he thought until now.
Halfway through the film, you're cuddled up in his arms, laughing, when his phone vibrates. Why on earth is Juyeon texting him?
Juyeon (1)
I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. This is not a valid reason, but I wanted to keep my best friend to myself for a while. I’m sorry if that hurt you.
Apology accepted. We’re adults and you’re defo not the one to blame but I appreciate it.
Thanks man
It cost Juyeon a lot to send that message. But in his place, he would have been furious if the situation had happened to him. So he toned it down, to ease the tension and make you feel better. But he’d do it again any time; anything to spend time with you.
And that’s exactly what happened in the weeks that followed.
You spent the whole week with Sunwoo after your meeting with Juyeon, going with him to his band rehearsals, shopping for clothes, accessories or window shopping, going on dates to the cinema, the park and restaurants. You did everything with him.
But that didn’t stop you from texting Juyeon every day. Sometimes he was the one who initiated the conversation, and other times you had to spam him to ask his opinion on the latest clothes you bought or because you missed him. Your weekly outings have also become two or three times a week, and you often meet up on his balcony for a night of dancing and drinks.
Everything is done with respect for your relationship, but you feel his hands on you longer than necessary, always within limits and sometimes in places that make you blush. For an example, he would place them on your hips, and you would be a fool to say that his little touches did not make your heart flutter. When he opens the door for you, when he orders for you without asking and never makes a mistake, or even when he gives you presents that you’ve looked at with envy. He’s so observant and attentive that causes butterflies in your stomach. The more time you spend with him, the more you can’t deny the attraction you feel.
He makes you feel like you are 16 again.
He kisses your forehead, cheek or hand when he drops you off. He holds your hand so you don’t get lost in the crowd. Even if it’s just an excuse, you let him because deep down you want him to.
And you hated yourself for it. You feel so guilty about Sunwoo. Yes, Juyeon may be a little more enterprising than usual, but he hasn’t changed his ways. You’re the one who reacts to harmless words and lazy touches. But your heart hasn’t changed. You love Sunwoo. Those feelings for Juyeon aren’t real. It is an attraction that arises because you spend all your time together, because he’s handsome and cares for you.
You’re not… in love with him.
Isn’t that right?
“Sweetheart, I bought fried chicken on the way home!” Sunwoo says one day after his rehearsal.
“Oh Sunny, you don’t know how much I’ve been craving it,” you clap, looking forward to devouring it. “Thank you.”
“Can I get a hug for being the most awesome boyfriend ever?” He asks sweetly.
“Oh you do,” you giggle, jumping into his arms.
“I love you,” he kisses your nose.
“Me too,” you reply, tiptoeing to kiss his forehead.
“Sunnyyyy,” you call out his name on a Friday afternoon. “Can I go out for the night with Kev, Minnie, Chani and Ju?”
“Sure! Don’t come back too late hm? And be careful.”
“Yes! I’ve got the four horsemen of the apocalypse to look after me and myself!” You laughed.
“Have fun Sweetheart, I love you,” he whispers, kissing your forehead.
“Me toooo Sunny,” you smiled.
And yet, as he does his best to be there for you, to shower you with love and care, you notice that your interactions are gradually diminishing. He’s not the problem but you are. Just like yesterday, you’ve been exchanging messages and at the end of all your conversations you have this cute habit of saying I love you. Except this time, you haven’t replied. You liked his message and replied with a heart.
But that’s not the only case, because you catch yourself not saying “I love you” back when you talk to him. Yet you’re still physically and intimately close. It’s as if you’re giving yourself to him in order to compensate for the emotional changes that you’re going through. And then what? You won’t even be able to kiss him? Hold his hand? Be intimate? You felt terrible, and this has been going on for months.
Perhaps the best (or worst) thing to do is to talk to him about it.
“Sunny? Can we talk?” You say out of the blue one morning.
“Yes baby, tell me?” He replies as he comes out of the bathroom, shirtless.
“Get dressed first,” you giggle.
“Why, don’t you like what you see?” He pouts, crossing his arms to emphasise his torso and you look away, ashamed to be turned on when you’re about to break his heart.
“Oh I do, but you’re distracting me from the point!”
“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs as he pulls on a t-shirt, “is it better now?”
“Yes, thank you,” you sigh.
“Are you okay?” He asks suddenly, sensing your discomfort. “You know you can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”
“Sunwoo, I-“ you take his hand in yours for support. “You need to know that I love you, it has never changed and it will never change, the feelings I have for you are very much real and I cherish them as much as I cherish you.”
“You’re not breaking up, are you? Because I won’t let you.” His eyes are shining now and you want to go back in time. You want to erase everything that has happened in the last two and a half months, the growing romantic feelings and the hurt.
“Sunwoo, I’m not breaking up with you, you’re the person I care about the most in the world, I would never let you down. And I hate myself for what I’m about to say.” You take a deep breath and as you do you know he’s figured it out and tears start to roll down his sweet face.
“I- fell in love with Juyeon,” you drop your head in shame.
You don't have the courage to look up and see the disappointment on his face, but you force yourself to. And when you finally did, his reaction catches you by surprise. It was obviously pain and sorrow, but also resilience?
“May I ask, how?” His voice is low, almost a murmur, but his eyes search yours for the truth.
“I- don’t know, it just happened.”
“Come on, you don’t just fall in love with another man by accident,” he laughs sarcastically.
“And yet I did!” You raise your voice in annoyance. “I didn’t choose it Sunwoo. And I would go back in time if I could!”
He takes a minute to consider your words, to decide whether or not you’re telling the truth. You didn’t expect this conversation to be easy, but he doesn’t make it any easier for you. You expected him to be in denial, to yell at you and cry. Instead he went straight towards the acceptance stage and he had this heartless look on his face. You knew you deserved it because he’s right; you don’t fall in love with another man by chance.
“Does he know? That you-“ he struggles to find the words, but you let him, because it has been hard for you too. You’re in love with your best friend, and you’ve probably been in love with him since you were 16. “That you love him?”
“No, oh god no!” You panic, finally thinking of the consequences, “I wanted to tell you first because I love you and I owe you the truth.”
“But you intend to tell him?” He worries and suddenly you feel like you’re talking to your best friend, the same conversation you had before you started dating Sunwoo.
“No Sunwoo, it was never a question of telling him or not. Yes, I love Juyeon romantically, but you’re my boyfriend. And I’m not trying to fool myself by saying that I still love you, I love you. And I love Juyeon too, but I’m not going to do anything with it.”
“You’re silly,” he chuckles affectionately. “Within the two months since our fight, I’ve watched you for a long time baby. I observed your body movements, your facial expressions and your words, hoping that it was all temporary and that we’d come out of it stronger together. But all I saw was love, but towards someone else. You came home giddy, eyes full of stars. Sometimes even in a frenzy of exaltation from which I found it hard to pull you out, because knowing that you were happy made me happy. So I won’t say that I knew it, but I sensed it. And I know that you love me, I have never doubted it and I don’t doubt it now. But you love him silly. Perhaps even more than you love me. I’m not mad at you, I saw you falling for him, I just ignored the signs. And I know you didn’t choose it, nor did you want to break my heart. Your love for him is stronger and I can hear it. Thank you for telling me, it must have cost you a lot.”
You start to cry, because what else can you do but cry? You love him and it hurts you to hear him say that you love someone stronger. But he’s right. No matter how much you try to deny it, you love Juyeon unconditionally.
“Why,” you cry out.
“Why what baby,” he takes you in his arms, guiding your head in the crook of his neck and your tears start to soak his t-shirt.
“I’m pretty sure I broke your heart and stomped on it, so why aren’t you mad at me? Why are you taking it so well? I don’t understand. I feel like shit and you’re too perfect?”
“You have no idea of the pain, anger and emptiness I feel right now, I’m far from perfect,” his voice falters as he tries to hold back his tears, “but I can’t take it out on you, even though you deserve it, because you didn’t want it? Also because I didn’t speak when I realised you were drifting away. I know you blame yourself, and yes, I am heartbroken, I can’t wait to cry but I don’t want to make you sadder than you already are.”
“I don’t deserve you Sunny, I’m sorry, I love you to the moon and back,” you smile shyly.
“And I love you just as much, thank you for the love that doesn’t make me feel lonely,” he smiles back as he rubs your back in slow motions. “Can I kiss you? One last time?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
When his lips touch yours, it has never felt better. The kiss is a little salty because you have both been crying, but also sweet. It is your last kiss and you devour each other’s lips as if it were the first, not wanting to part. You quickly run out of air, but he presses his lips to yours to convey his feelings one last time and you smile, knowingly, as you kiss him back.
“You should go to him,” he says, lips swollen and eyes puffy.
“Yes, to be with my best friend. And you should call Eric for the same reason,” you sobbed, and he giggles.
“Coward,” he laughs, “but I will.”
“And Sunwoo,” you start again. “I would never do anything without your approval.”
“Thank you,” he replies, touched and aware of the feelings you will always have for him. “For everything, but especially for being with me.”
“I should be the one thanking you, my lifesaver,” you kissed his cheek as you take his hand in yours. “Let’s remain good friends, in the future.”
“Absolutely, if I ever get over you,” he laughs in a reassuring way.
You know that the joke is just his way of breaking the tension, so you laugh it off, saying that he should, and you imitated a knife at your throat as a warning, which makes him laugh heartily. Then, your heart sinks at the sound of you no longer being the recipient. Yes you fell in love with someone else, and it will be just as hard to get over him. But you have Juyeon, and he’s your rock.
Juyo <3
Juyo can I come over?
Sure, is something wrong?
These three words are enough to turn your heart upside down. He’s always been thoughtful, and now that you’ve accepted your feelings, you feel butterflies swirling in your tummy.
Juyo <3
Sunwoo and I broke up
I’ll pick you up in 5
Yes pls, drive safely
He pulls up in the parking lot exactly 5 minutes after his message, just like he said. You rush down the stairs, too eager to melt into his arms to wait for the lift. He doesn’t have time to get out of the car before you throw yourself on him, crying. Tears of separation and heartbreak, and tears of joy when you see him again because you know you love him.
“I’m here,” he whispers in a panicked voice, probably not expecting you so soon and in such a state. “I’m right here, let it out.”
And you do, the feelings you’ve been burying for 2 months are just waiting to be expressed. You cry until your body aches from lack of air and your eyes are dry. Finally, you shiver and regret having gone out so quickly without covering up. But Juyeon is just as quick to pull the jacket he was wearing over your shoulders and you hum happily as his scent washes over you.
“Let’s go home?” He caresses your hair tenderly.
You’re amazed that he doesn’t ask any questions, he just stands by you and supports you through this difficult ordeal that he knows only too well. And the truth is, he’s even sad for you. No matter how much he loves you, you’re the definition of love to him. For you to break up with Sunwoo, for whatever reason, doesn’t make any sense. It’s not his place to ask if you don’t tell him first, so he just holds your hand on the way back, and when he has to let go to change gear, he makes sure he puts it back on your thigh.
This makes you blush like a tomato, how dare he put his big hand on your thigh, almost completely covering it whole. You’re pretty sure your feelings are written all over your face, but he mistakes your blushing for embarrassment, when in fact it’s just romantic stimulation. You look up to see if his hand placement has any effect on him, only to find that he is blushing as well. Being as dense as he is, you mistook his shyness for embarrassment.
You two definitely make quite the pair.
“Make yourself at home Starlight,” he says as he opens the front door, never stopping to hold your hand.
You step inside as he tells you to and try to take off your shoes, planning to curl up on the sofa under the blanket while you wait for him and his hugs. But he had other ideas as he grabs your wrist to pull you closer, pinning you between him and the newly closed front door. Your surprise translates into a gasp that becomes a choke as he drops to one knee. Your heart pounds in your chest at the way he looks at you, worshipping you. Without warning, he bends down to untie your shoelaces, still smiling and even a little mischievous.
“What?” He smiles proudly. “Can’t I look after my Starlight?”
You open your mouth to speak but no sound comes out, too surprised by his playful tone.
“Cat got your tongue?” He sticks out his tongue as he stands up.
“Yes, you got it!” You slap him gently as a reward for nervousness.
“Not in my mouth though…” He whispers so quietly you almost don’t hear it, and that earns him another slap, only he steps back to avoid your blow and you stumble and fall on top of him.
“I guess it will be easier to carry you now,” he chuckles, kissing your forehead.
He puts his arms under your knees and around your waist and you squeal as he lifts you up, bridal style. This man will be the death of you. Oh, how you would kiss him if you weren’t so heartbroken and hadn’t just broken up. And he would kiss you just as much. You’re both madly in love and it shows.
He wraps you in a blanket as he lays you down on the sofa before kissing your forehead for the umpteenth time. Then he goes into the kitchen and fetches your favourite foods, drinks and desserts, which he sets out on the coffee table. You were surprised by the homemade dishes, as if he’d made them with a special purpose in mind. But he doesn’t say a word or make a comment, he just slips under your blanket when he’s done and hugs you, breathing in your scent.
You stay in each other’s arms for a while, not saying a word, just enjoying your hearts beating in unison. It feels heavenly, relaxing and you can almost feel yourself coming back to life. If Sunwoo was your lifesaver, Juyeon is your guardian angel. He is always looking out for you and giving you his utmost special care, just like right now, for no particular reason (even if there is one now).
He doesn’t pry, he just waits for you to speak while he grabs the remote to put on the latest show you’ve started together and feeds you. You’re quite grateful for the little comments he makes during the show, distracting you from the truth: the burning love you have for him that consumes you. In the end, you tell him that you still love Sunwoo, but that your recent incessant arguments have taken their toll on you.
That, against all odds, you’ve spilt up properly. And that it will be a while before you move on, but that the door is not closed. You made sure to emphasise this part, because what if there’s a small chance that Sunwoo was right and Juyeon is a fool in love with you? You’re not ready yet, but when the time comes, you want to confess your love to him and live out the childhood romance you’ve always dreamed of, until death do you part.
The next few of weeks passed in a blur, and you have basically settled into Juyeon’s apartment – going back and forth to your house to pick up your things and put them in his closets. Your shoes sits nicely in the new shoe rack he bought for you to go out together, and your toothbrush sits proudly next to Juyeon’s. You even have matching ones. Oh, and Juyeon can finally happily say that you’ve got your side of the bed, with your cute belongings on the bedside table and a picture of the two of you at 16 in a frame.
In fact, you slowly become a domestic couple-like going grocery shopping together and going on so-called dates. Life with Juyeon is easy. Whether you go out at dawn or dusk, he’s always with you, matching your pace and holding your hand from the streetlights to the dancing starlight. When you saw your hands touching and your steps overlapping, it reminds you of your first encounter and the fluttering of your heart. How you shyly looked at him, only to see him already looking at you lovingly, red on his cheeks. That cold winter you spent together was actually the warmest moment of Juyeon’s life, and that day might have been the day you hid a present for each other in your sleeve.
Even more slowly, your relationship with Juyeon develops as the months go by. It was hard not for it to blossom, considering the fact that you live together and that you absolutely do everything together, but it’s happening. Juyeon has started to walk around bare chest when he gets out of the shower and sometimes! He even goes to bed naked, with just his pyjama pants hanging low on his hips.
Of course, you get to snuggle up against his warm chest and cuddle to sleep. When it comes to sleeping, you don’t even try to fall asleep on your own side of the bed anymore because you always wake up in each other’s arms. You have definitely grown closer and closer in just a few months.
Your touches with one another have become more sensual and romantic and your words more flirtatious. You wear his clothes more often than usual, sometimes getting out of bed in just his t-shirt and underwear, awakening certain feelings within him. From time to time, he dares to put his hands under your (his) t-shirt and kiss your forehead tenderly, for lack of being able to kiss your lips sensually and make you his, right when you wake up.
“All pretty for me hm?” He said the first time you went to sleep in this garment. “You know I’m just a man.”
And if you sat on his hips to cuddle him afterwards, maybe the message got through. Maybe a little too much, given that a few minutes later he pretended to be in a hurry and the water ran for a long time. He’s just a man.
Yes, your man.
Another time, when you were out shopping at the mall, people addressed you as a couple and you didn’t mind, oh no. Perhaps it was the smiley eye contact you made, or the way he held you in his arms and you leaned into him, almost as if you were going to kiss, that gave it away. At least, that’s what gave Sunwoo, who was watching you nearby, the courage to send you a message.
Woo ☼ (1)
Hi, hello! I saw you at the mall with Juyeon, can we talk? I’m with Changmin, we can ditch them together?
Hi Sunny!!! Sure we can, the cafe nearby?
Juyeon was a little reluctant to leave you alone with Sunwoo due to the countless nights you spent crying and the difficulty you had opening up (not to mention your blossoming love for Juyeon) but he quickly gave up because he knew you wanted it and he was happy to spend time with Changmin. Juyeon is the love of your life and you can’t pretend that he isn’t anymore.
“Hi Sweetheart, I saw you left your shopping bags with your man,” he laughs and you kick him under the table so as not to draw attention to yourself.
“Stop that Kim Sunwoo!” You whine.
“Stop what? Calling you sweetheart or calling him your man?”
“Both!” You laugh embarrassed and shy.
“How are you?” He changes the subject after one last laugh and you’re happy to see that he hasn’t changed, he’s still as playful and lively as ever.
“I’m fine, nothing has really changed since our last messages. I told you I got my dream job, so Juyeon and I are treating ourselves with my first salary. Oh, and Juyeon has also found a new job he’s really enjoying. Hence, the reason why we’re out shopping.” You went on to rave about your everyday life, happy to share this new chapter with him, whom you still love very much, just not romantically anymore.
“You must love him a lot,” he says softly, almost as if he were muttering to himself. “It’s cute, you’re cute, I’m happy for you.” And you don’t answer, curious to hear what he’s going to say next.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past six months,” he begins. “Thank you for always reaching out to me and not ghosting me despite the break-up, it meant a lot to me. Being away from you has been hard. I will not lie. But it also taught me that I was too dependent on you and it felt great to spend time by myself and with our friends. I got news from them and saw that you were doing well, as anyone going through a break-up would be. And it made me realise that, if you were fine, I should be fine, even if it was just a facade, that somehow the sadness would pass.”
You nod to let him know you’re listening and that you’re on the same wavelength as him.
“And it did,” he whispers almost happily, as if the weight he was carrying close to his heart has been lifted. “I thought I would love you for the rest of my life, but then I met someone.” You gasp at his words and tear up a little.
“It came as a blessing, without me even looking for it, and I can say that I’m happy now. So when I saw you so happy on Juyeon’s arm, looking at him lovingly like he hung the stars in the sky I thought: “Ah, you’re really on cloud nine with him”. I shouldn’t hold you back from your happiness. You have my blessing, not that you need it but date him, kiss him, make love and live happily ever after.” To emphasise his words, he squeezes your hand which he has started to hold somewhere in his monologue, and kisses it.
You swear you didn’t want to cry, and Juyeon will probably be worried to see your swollen eyes, but how can you remain impassive in the face of so much love? It’s true, you held back and would have kissed Juyeon if it wasn’t for Sunwoo. But now you’ll both be happy.
You chatted for quite a while, enjoying your reunion as friends, learning more about the person he had met and ranting about your life with Juyeon, when he appeared before you with Changmin, impatient to get you back. You missed him. How did you manage to live without Juyeon so far? Ecstatic, you jump into his arms and bid your goodbyes promising to meet again soon. As you walk away, Juyeon’s phone beeps and he just shrugs at the message in his inbox with a smile. Then he ruffles your hair, earning a pout from you that he kisses away at the corner of your lips. You wonder what the message was, but the kiss is definitely more important.
Sunwoo (1)
I’ve seen the way you look at each other, it’s full of love. Give it a shot!
Yes, there will be many more kisses now.
And here you are today, on Juyeon’s couch, enjoying your home date for the tenth anniversary of your friendship, with Sunwoo’s blessing in the back of your mind. You spent the day cooking together, sweet and savoury, having fun with the shapes of the cakes and pizzas (hearts and dicks like the children you are), playing games, dancing and listening to music in a good-natured atmosphere.
Today’s a day to celebrate your friendship. Yes friendship, when all you want to do is kiss him senseless. Maybe confessing today is not such a bad idea. Especially when you see him coming out of the shower in all his glory, beads of water running down his naked torso, hair tousled and wet, tongue running over his lips sensuously as he looks you straight in the eye, ready to pounce on you. Oh, and, his cinnamoroll pyjama pants, low on his hips and revealing the Apollo belt of his abs, make you smile as much as it turns you on.
Juyeon takes his place between your legs, smiling, his hot muscular back resting on your chest as he lays his head back on your shoulder, dampening your matching melody pyjamas. He chuckles as he turns his head to see you gawping. His big veiny hand that had been squeezing your thigh flies to your cheek, turning your flushed face towards him so he can kiss the pout at the corner of your lips. His beautiful lips linger a little longer on your neck, but you welcome his touch with open arms and lean into his embrace.
His eyes are full of stars when he rises from your embrace to grab the remote and turn on your series. But he remains seated between your legs, unconsciously resting a hand on your knee to preserve the intimacy you’re so immersed in. You help him on with his t-shirt, not without kissing his shoulder first, making him shiver. And your hands take the opportunity to wander down his torso to his waist, making him smirk as well. You become more and more adventurous, he loves it and can’t wait to run his lips all over your body, discovering all of it.
You place a kiss on the crown on his hair and when you notice that it’s already dry, an idea crosses your mind. Juyeon’s focus is back on the show, so much so that he can barely feel your hands playing with his hair. You give him a rather pleasant massage, moving down to the small of his chest, across his neck and up into his hair, twisting it between your fingers.
“How does it feel?” You murmured in a hushed tone.
“Heavenly,” he moans.
The tension is palpable as you continue your services, your hearts beating wildly, almost as one. He takes one of your hands in his to kiss it, the attention making you blush, before replacing it in his hair and nodding for you to continue. So you undertake one of the most romantic acts of love in your eyes, braiding his hair. Strand by strand, your fingers caress the edges of his face. The braids come undone as quickly as they are made, but he smiles broadly as he touches them, feeling butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating erratically.
“I could see our everyday life like this,” you whisper in his ear. “Together.”
Juyeon, who had been purring at your display of affection, becomes still when he hears your words. He slowly turns to face you with the most charming smile and tenderly takes your hand to place it on his chest, where his heart burns with love. The fire in his eyes burns inexorably, lighting up his already sunny face, unable to leave him. You’re captivated by this intensity and he doesn’t look away, also in love with your sparkling eyes, even when he reaches out to grab a little box that has always been right in front of your eyes. Yes, his love has always been on display. You were just too slow to catch on.
But you get it now. You’re two fools in love.
“You know how our youth is filled with each other’s names?” He says, voice a little hoarse and heart beating fast under your palm. “Well, my heart has never changed, I’ve always wanted to be with you. You are my breath of fresh air, the warmth that keeps me going through the winter, and the words I’m about to tell you will never melt away. My everything is all about you, it has always been about you.” He pauses to take a deep breath and kisses the palm of your hand, which he then links with his own, intertwining your fingers.
“I love you,” he sighs with love and happiness. “I love you so much that I was reading my destiny inside your eyes without even knowing it.” The flame of love he has carried all these years dances in his eyes, making him irresistible and captivating. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you wait for his question, palpitations he feels through your bound hands.
“Would you be mine?” His gaze, dropping to your lips then back to your eyes, is determined as he opens the velvet box to reveal two rings. Not just any rings, the matching promise rings to the bracelets you bought months ago. The ones on your wrists that you’ve never taken off.
As if on cue, as a sign of future commitment, he kisses your left ring finger and places the ring on your right with such tenderness that you almost cry. No, you’re pretty sure tears are rolling down your face because he puts his thumb under your eyes to gently wipe away the tears and kisses the salty drops that have run down your cheeks, close to your lips. With that, you mirror his actions by kissing the ring, his left ring finger and placing it on his right finger with a dazzling smile, as an unspeakable promise – that you’ll spend the rest of your lives together.
“I have always been yours. I love you Juyeon, so much that I’m going crazy.”
Even now, after confessing his feelings and hearing yours, he remains respectful and lets you make the first move with a victorious smile. You grin, feeling the cool material of the ring on your cheek as he cups your face in his hand, reminding you that this is all real and that he loves you.
And he does.
So you finally lean in, closing the gap between you to rest your lips on his. It was meant to be a soft and quick peck, but he captures your body and deepens the kiss, years of longing and wanting not to be wasted, leaving you breathless. His lips search yours every time you pull away, not wanting to let go, intoxicated by your lips and this new closeness. If you spend the rest of the evening making out and exploring each other, no one will say a word. Not even your neighbours.
Ah, you’ve never been in love and wanted to be with anyone as much as you do with him, and this since you were 16.
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blade-liger-4ever · 2 months ago
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Why I feel Jack Darby isn't like Orion Pax/Optimus Prime
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This is probably not gonna do me any favors in the wider Transformers community, but that's fine; I don't want to be in the good graces of half those people. Besides, I've grown to really dislike Jack over the years, and now that there's a new TF film that actually shows us Optimus and Megatron's past that has everyone cheering, I can actually cite that film in my argument should I encounter any whiners.
Fair warning, this will not be in Jack's favor.
So, as we see of him in Transformers: Prime, Jack had a really poor life. His dad is missing for reasons unknown, his mother is working herself to the bone to keep the roof over their heads, and Jack himself is working a horrid job to try and lift some of the burden from her shoulders. A standard modern day life for teenage boys, right? Oh, and don't forget him going all gaga over prissy cheerleader Sierra; that's of course the icing on the cake of this cut and dry trope, because the loser boy has to have a thing for the social climber girl who he can't recognize as trouble.
However, when he crashes into the Autobot-Decepticon War, Jack is adamant against getting involved. He whines about his new lot in life, complains that he just wants "a normal life", and overall is ungrateful to the Autobots that saved his skin a short time ago. Yes, he pulled through in the five part premiere and did so at other points in the first and even second seasons - but those were all life or death situations.
Every other time, Jack caved to peer pressure and stayed inside the lines. He never stood up to the school bully, let himself get embarrassed by said bully in front of Sierra, and then broke his deal with Arcee by going to an underground race. Heck, if you ask me, the only reason he helped save the bully in that episode was because Jack didn't want to have a dead guy on his conscience. Sure he said "it's the right thing", but where was that nobility when you were ogling your crush throughout the episode, hm?
And to say that he's like Orion Pax after all of the above is an insult to Orion and Optimus' integrity. Can you truly see Optimus whining over his lot in life, being spiteful and rude to guys who were mean to him specifically and not his friends, or just losing brain cells when a pretty girl is involved and getting himself into trouble in a misguided attempt to impress her?
No.
Orion/Optimus would never do that. He'll take the hits to himself and make the best of it with a smile on his face, he'll fight for his friends rather than himself alone, and even if he's head over heels for Ariel/Elita One, he won't compromise himself or his morals just to impress her. Orion/Optimus is better than that, and would never stoop to such actions.
But you know who would do all of that?
This guy.
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As TF One shows, Megatron in his youth was much like - gasp - Jack Darby. They both kept their heads low to avoid further ridicule and pain, they never wandered outside the lines for fear of the unknown/repercussions, and despite advocating for a change or better life, they didn't really lift a finger to do that. They both needed an outside force to push them onto a new path. And they both ended up having a low chance of heroism when there was pressure on them: Jack's was anytime Sierra or Vince the Bully was involved, and Megatron's was when the 'Bot responsible for ruining his life and all of Cybertron's population was at his mercy.
Speaking of, what are the odds Jack would have a similar reaction to meeting his father? Yeah sure, he spared Megatron in S1, but Megatron also taunted him by asking what Optimus' response would be if he killed him. Put Jack in a position where he gets to beat up his dad, and are we sure that Optimus would still have that sway over him?
Just ask Sentinel, he can tell you how well that turned out when Orion Pax tried talking down D-16 - oh wait, you can't, because D-16 killed him.
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Honestly, there are far more similarities between Jack and Megatron than Jack and Optimus. I'm tired of Jack getting all the love and being heralded as Orion-like or Optimus-like when he never was. He's far closer to Megatron, and if I'm the only one who can see that, fine. I don't care.
These are my observations, my beliefs, and I'm sticking with them.
Now on the same token (but coming later), Smokescreen actually has more in common with Orion Pax/Optimus Prime, something the new TF flick has shown, even if I disapprove of a chunk of the writing and characterization in it. But, given I'm probably setting some people's hair on fire, I'll leave you alone for now to digest this post.
Good day, and remember:
"Autobots, transform and roll out!"
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nanpecan · 2 months ago
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₊✩‧₊˚once more to see you˚₊✩‧₊ pt 3
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{nanami x f!reader}
pt 1.  pt 2. pt 4. pt 5.
˚₊✩‧₊summary: You’re a manager at Jujutsu Kaisen and you've now had two extremely intimate encounters with grade 1 sorcerer Nanami Kento. You're doing your best to go back to work like nothing happened. You're attending meetings, running a few errands, and having a very very close call with a curse and an ancient relic.
˚₊✩‧₊tags: nanami x fem!reader, slight angst, gore kinda (you're fighting a curse and it gets intense fast)
˚₊✩‧₊word count: 6.8k (do i even have to apologize at this point)
˚₊✩‧₊author’s note: this chapter is a little more centered around Y/N as a character. Nanami IS in it but i feel like he isn't the focus so i apologize. but ! i've attached pt. 4 as well because that does have nanami and a fun little hook up hehe. I won't be offended if a lot of y'all skip this to get to the next part. I know i would
˚₊✩‧₊this is the mitski song i had in mind for this chapter idk
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
You shut the car door and put your seat belt on wordlessly. “You okay? I’ve never seen you so quiet after drinking.” Akari said, breaking you out of your daze. 
You looked at her and considered telling her everything. “Akari…” she looked at you with a questioning look. She smiled. 
“You know, Nanami was asking questions about you while you were up singing with Ijichi.” 
“What?” 
“It was little things. Like he kept asking for clarity on things whenever we brought you up. I don’t know if you even noticed.” 
“What kind of things?” 
“Well he was asking how long you’ve been here. He seemed to know that you’d joined the school when you were 16, during Ijichi’s third year. But he wanted to know how you did.” 
“What did you tell him?” you asked. 
“Eh, I said something about how your classmates were assholes. But that doesn’t matter. He also asked about your relationship status.” She glanced at you with a cheeky smile. You gave her a blank stare. “Well, not directly, but Shoko asked about my dating life and I told them how we were both hopeless, and I may have mentioned that date you went on where the American called you exotic and tried to grab your ass.” She laughed as she remembered. “He smiled when I mentioned you kicked his ass.” 
You smiled and she seemed happy that you were more relaxed. “I could just tell he was interested in you, and you know I’m good at reading people.” 
“You’re too flattering.” You said. “I don’t think he’s interested in me like that.” 
“You’d be surprised, maybe he feels connected with you after he saw your IBS crisis.” She laughed. “Too soon? I’m sorry.” 
You smiled and shook your head. You felt a burning in your chest. “You don’t think he was talking so much because he was into you? He didn’t talk to me at all.” 
Akari scoffed. “If he was into me I’d turn him down immediately.” She frowned. “If I didn’t know his age I would have thought he was in his late thirties, and I’m not into dudes that much older. You know I like them hot and stupid.” 
“That hasn’t worked out so well for you in the past, maybe it’s time to change it up.” 
Akari furrowed her brows. “Why are you pushing him on me, fight for your man, girl.” 
You slumped back into your seat. “I’m telling you he doesn’t like me like that.” 
She rolled her eyes. “And why are you so sure?” 
“Because he told me so.” You muttered. 
“What?” She suddenly got serious. 
“...Can you keep a secret?” 
“What happened? Y/N??” She looked over at you. “Hang on, we're almost at my place. I need to be all ears.” 
“You can’t tell anyone, and you can’t judge me.” 
“Wait! Don’t tell me anymore!” 
Akari quickly parked the car and ran out. She practically pushed you all the way into her apartment and onto her couch. She quickly poured you another drink before pouring one for herself. 
“Okay,” she handed you the cup. “I had a feeling something happened, you’ve been acting so weird.” 
“You wanna take a guess?” You said before taking a drink. 
She hesitated. “My gut was telling me that something happened with the curse he exorcised yesterday. And I thought that maybe it had gotten to you and you were overly flirty and confessed or something.” 
“We had sex.” 
She choked on her drink. “What!” 
You buried your head in your hands and groaned. “The curse injured him and infected him with lust. I was just standing outside the barrier. I was checking my phone when he came stumbling out into the car, and well…things escalated and…yeah.” 
Akari looked at you in shock. She put her drink down. “He didn’t report an injury. Was he in his right mind?” 
You understood what she was implying. “He wasn’t violent. The opposite actually. I was surprised too, he wouldn’t let me tend to his wound.” You took another drink. “It was great.” 
She still looked concerned. “But he told you he wasn’t into you.” 
You frowned. “We didn’t really talk much afterwards. I think he was more embarrassed or maybe he regretted it… Anyway I ran into him at the bakery that I like and we talked for a bit there.” You sighed as you remembered. “I confessed that I liked him and he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me, so I said we should forget everything that happened.” 
“I’m sorry.” Akari said. “What an asshole, I bet he said it just like that too. He’s so blunt. You didn’t deserve that.” She looked at you. “I’m sorry he showed up tonight. I can’t imagine how awkward that must have been for you. But I’m serious. He was asking little things about you. So maybe there’s hope?” She turned her head and scowled, “If it was me I wouldn’t want to see the bastard.” 
You took a deep breath, you didn’t want to tell her about the bathroom. Not that it was wrong, you just wanted time to process everything. You frowned. You had just ruined his chances with her, you were painting him out to be a villain. “He was very sweet though. I understand where he’s coming from. I mean, I don’t think he really had any control over his mood and I should have turned him down. I have regrets too. I think it’ll be easier to just forget. If he does want something he should be the one to approach me.” You laid back on the couch. “The shittier thing to do would have been not to acknowledge it at all. He’s a good guy, it’s just like you said. He’s blunt.” You smiled at Akari. “This is our secret, okay?” 
Akari nodded looking at you sympathetically. “Of course.” She came closer to you and hugged you. “Other than the mess, I’m glad he was nice to you. You pulled your long-time crush, that’s powerful girl.” 
You smiled and hugged her back silently. 
You both went to bed shortly after and you were left alone with your thoughts. 
The bathroom. He had said he didn’t want to talk, fucked you, and even wanted to take you home. This sort of contradicted your theory of him liking Akari, right? No, he just thinks you’re easy. You frowned. You should have let him speak before you cut him off…twice. You’d just been afraid that what he’d say would hurt your feelings. 
You tossed and turned thinking about him, remembering his touch, his lips. Despite it all he had been so gentle, so desperate to have you again. It hurt your feelings thinking about it. He had done all that but he didn’t really want you. You sighed, if he asked to have you again, would you do it?, you wondered. Yes, you decided, feeling hopeless. You felt very strongly about him and despite him not reciprocating your feelings, yours hadn’t diminished. You might have liked him more, or at least the idea of him more. You slowly dozed off. 
You were pretty quiet the next morning and Akari let you just exist. She drove you to work, talking about things here and there but not bringing him up. You were grateful for her. “You know I do love you.” 
Akari smiled as she turned off the ignition to the car. “I’ve always got your back.” 
You both rushed into the meeting room afraid of being late but when you got there, there were only two other managers including Ijichi, and Principle Yaga sitting silently with a frown on his face. 
You checked your watch. There were two minutes until the meeting was supposed to start. No other sorcerers were here. You sat down next to Akari and Ijichi. You looked at the empty chair beside you and for a moment thought about switching sides with Akari but you decided it was too much. You were thinking too much about it. He was not going to sit next to you, that would have been bold and stupid. 
Suddenly the door opened and Shoko walked in giving you and Akari a smile. Two more sorcerers came in with a minute to spare. You watched the clock strike 7 and the door opened again. You didn’t have to look up to know who it was, his aura gave him away. You heard him head in your direction and you whipped your head in surprise as you heard the chair next to you slide out and Nanami sit down. 
You clenched your jaw and felt Akari poke you from the other side. You looked at her.
 You okay? She asked with her eyes. You nodded and rolled your eyes with a smile. She smiled back. You didn’t turn to look at him. 
This wasn’t the first time he had sat next to you in a meeting. The first time you had been way more nervous. It was about a year and a half ago; after he had just rejoined Jujutsu society. You had already started crushing on him and he had asked you for a pen to jot down some small detail about a schedule change. The rest was history.
Your thoughts were interrupted when the doors burst open and you heard a familiar chuckle. “Okay, okay, we can start now. I’m here!” Gojo. He walked in cockily and sat down in the front row of seats. Yaga gave him a scrutinizing look before standing up, ready to start. 
“You’re just the man I wanted to see, I have a mission for you.” Yaga grumbled. Gojo yawned in response. “Good morning everyone, I’ll make this short.” He shuffled some papers. “An update on the Okkotsu case, the boy’s violence has escalated resulting in the death of three high school students on Thursday evening. Yesterday Kisagari and Harutomi were sent to investigate and were instructed to bring the boy back.” He clenched his jaw. “They did not check in last night and upon further investigation Harutomi was found dead this morning a little outside the school grounds.” 
The room went silent. You frowned, this was more serious than anticipated. Both of the sorcerers were grade two, it came as a shock that one of them was dead.
“Satoru, can I rely on you to pick up where they left off?” 
Gojo stretched his arms and leaned back on his chair. “Of course,” he responded. 
Yaga went over some other brief reminders before dismissing the meeting. You’d volunteered to deliver some items the school was exchanging with the Kanagawa Prefecture Cultural Museum. You stayed in your chair a little longer reading over the file Akari handed you. Nanami slowly got up from his chair and you could sense him staring at you. He probably wanted to talk. You owed him that much. You turned to look at him but before you could say anything Ijichi appeared next to him. 
“I’m ready to head out whenever you are.” He said to Nanami. 
Nanami turned to him and nodded. “Let’s go.” 
You looked at Nanami but he turned away and started heading towards the door. You frowned and turned back to the papers in front of you. 
“You okay?” Akari said. 
You looked at her and smiled. “Yeah, I think I’m over it. It was a one night stand situation, I’m overthinking it.” She didn’t look convinced but you shook your head. “Believe me I’m not angry or hurt. Life’s too short for that.” 
    -
You headed out to your school assigned car and sat down. You glanced at the back seat in the rear view mirror. You felt your cheeks get hot as you remembered what had happened, and smacked your hands to the sides of your face. You could try to talk to him later…maybe.
As you drove towards Naka you thought about what you might eat for lunch. Along with bringing the items to the museum and picking up the ones they were trading, you were to go around and check the shrines in the area. You’d had a mission around here a while ago and remembered a soba restaurant close to the museum. Since you had spent the night at Akari’s you didn’t have the sandwich you had planned to eat today. Oh well, you thought, at least I wasn't the one that paid for it. 
You noticed you were getting close and called ahead to the museum. “Good morning, this is Y/N with Jujutsu Tech. I'm about 30 minutes away.” 
“Oh perfect,” A woman answered. “Head towards the employee parking, we’ve told the guard to let you in. By the way, we came across a new artifact donated by the estate of one of our late patrons. It looks very old and was kept in a special box, would you be able to take it to get it assessed?” 
“Yes of course!” You were a little hesitant to pick up unregistered cursed objects but usually it was no big deal. Especially if it was kept in a special box. It would be fine. 
As you walked into the back of the museum, a shiver went up your spine and you got a terrible feeling in your gut. You took a deep breath and went in, a little on edge. You went to the room you’d been instructed to and waited. Some of the items you were expecting to pick up were already laid out. An old cursed katana in need of restoration and a few Edo period items. You put down the box you were carrying. You were exchanging these items for an ancient tea set from the Nara period that was in prime condition and a painting scroll from around the same time. 
“Sorry for running a little late.” You jumped as a voice came from behind you. You tensed as you turned, you hadn’t even felt the person’s presence. 
“Oh, no problem, I’m Y/N.” 
“Yes, yes, this is the item I spoke to you on the phone about.” 
The lady put down an intricately decorated green box about 6 inches long and 4 wide. “We just got it in this morning. Our staff decided to open it to see what was inside, but only found one small object wrapped in a sort of paper wrap with writing on it. We couldn’t decipher the language, but right after we opened it the lights in the museum went out so we closed it.” She laughed nervously. “None of us are very superstitious, but we did get spooked.” 
She picked up the box to hand it to you. You grabbed it but felt that she had a tight grip on it. You pulled a little harder to take it from her but she just stared at the box. “Ma’am?” You pulled again but her grip hadn’t faltered. 
“I just…would like to see it one more time.” 
“I don’t think that’s a good-“ she yanked the box back and quickly lifted the locking notch to open the box. She stared inside. 
You went around her to look inside as well and gasped. You knew what this was. You had only seen one brought to the school when you were a student. It was one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers. You quickly shut the box and yanked it out of her hands. 
“I’ll take it from here.” She seemed to snap out of her daze and nodded. 
“Yes- uh. Let me find a box to put these loose items in so you can carry them easier. Excuse me.” The lady left the room and you stared at the box in shock. You needed to get this out of here.  
You quickly pulled your phone out and called the school. 
“Hello, this is Y/N. I’m picking up items from the Kanagawa Cultural Museum and they have given me one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers.” 
The person on the other end let out a small noise. “Is it bound?” 
“It’s wrapped in a talisman and contained in an emerald box.” 
“Okay... We can send the closest available sorcerers to assist you in ensuring it gets returned to the school without interruptions. Do not worry about your other tasks, the finger is the new priority.” You looked back at the box nervously. “Do you know if they unraveled the talisman?” 
“They opened the box and examined the finger but quickly closed it back up. The finger appears to still be partially wrapped in the box.” 
“We should assume they unwrapped the finger, even if it was only for a little bit, so there might be curses coming that way, and the talisman is probably weakened if not all together useless.” The guy sighed on the phone. “You said this was Y/N correct.” 
“Yes.” 
He was silent. “Take the finger and run, you won’t be able to handle whatever curses are coming your way.” 
You were hurt by his comments but knew it was true. You thanked him and hung up. You looked at the door. The lady was taking a while. You quickly began to unload your box and started loading the other contents into it. The sword was going to stick out too much so you quickly stuck it to your hip using your belt. You placed the finger in last and picked up the box. You went back into the hallway and once again felt the energy sour. 
You headed towards the exit when you noticed a shoe in the hallway. You clenched your teeth. It was a woman’s high heel, the same kind the lady had been wearing earlier. Your instincts told you to run to the car but then a smell hit your nose. Blood. Blood and the sickeningly bitter scent of a curse. 
Run. Your body was telling you to run. You were close to the exit, the car was parked right outside the door. You started to move your legs and turned towards the exit. You had been told the nearest sorcerers were heading your way. Someone else would be here to help. You would just get in the way and end up dying. You couldn’t fight, not well anyway. You didn’t have any weapons, you needed to leave, you needed to - you stopped in your tracks as you heard a small noise. You listened intently. 
“Help!” It was a whisper. “Please.” An agonizing voice coming from behind you. You turned trying to find the voice. “Help.” It was coming from the hallway to your left. You hesitated. You blinked and took a deep breath. You clutched the boxed items closer to yourself and your hand went to the katana on your hip. It was old and rusted but it was something, you weren’t completely unarmed. You quickly went toward the noise and peeked around the corner. 
You stood there shocked. The lady was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, her face twisted in pain. She had a deep purple bruise on her right ankle and her left foot was gone. It looked like it had been hastily bit off. Where she was bleeding there was a small yellow curse lapping up the blood. 
“Help! Help me! Help.” She started yelling as she saw you approach. You ran over to her and shushed her. The little yellow curse didn’t even notice you, it was too busy drinking the blood, but it was growing in size. You put the box down next to her and looked at her wound. It was big, an injury like this required immediate attention. Your mind raced as you thought about what to do. You could try to heal it, try to use your RCT. However you had no medical knowledge whatsoever so the chances of you messing it up were greater than you fixing it. But you had to do something. Even if you didn’t understand, stopping the bleeding or scabbing it over would help tremendously. 
I don’t have enough CE for this, you thought bitterly. It would take a lot. You looked at the little creature in front of you and something clicked in your brain. You couldn’t explain it but you just knew what to do. You grabbed the creature by the base of its neck. It didn’t even flinch, it was too preoccupied consuming the trickling blood. That was until it started shrinking, its fingers curling, the tips of its ears wilting and then it started thrashing in your hands. 
You were absorbing its cursed energy. Your hand burned as you felt the rotten energy enter you. Your veins ached and you winced, feeling like you were going to be sick. The input was foul, you felt like you needed to expel it, quickly. You placed your other hand on the bloody stump and tried to focus on your reverse cursed technique. You laughed when you noticed something was happening only to flinch as the creature started to kick and scratch at you. You slammed it onto the floor trying to subdue it. It became more and more withered as you became accustomed to the feeling of absorbing its energy. The wound was looking much better. Almost. 
The yellow creature let out one final shriek before it completely deflated. The lady’s ankle was now a hardened scab. You knew it hadn’t healed completely but it wasn’t going to get any worse. You looked up and saw that she was staring horrified at your hand wrapped around the stump. In your other hand, the curse was now a grey lump of flesh. You clenched your fist and it disintegrated into ash. 
You looked up at the lady and let go of her leg. “We need to get outside.” Once outside you could make a veil and prevent whatever was inside from getting out. You had quickly deduced that the small yellow curse was not the one that had done the damage. There was something bigger and stronger and it was looking for the finger. 
You grabbed the green box with the finger, tucking it under your arm as you helped the lady up, letting her lean on you as you started for the door. You quickly hobbled there together. You were going to make it. You were two feet from the door. One foot. Your hand reached out to push when you suddenly felt the wind get knocked out of you. Your mouth flew open and released a stream of blood. The world went black for a second and you felt yourself falling. You came to, right before you hit the ground and regained your balance. You turned around quickly but your body was overcome with pain. Your hand went to your abdomen, you had broken some ribs. But what had hit you? You looked over at the lady and saw she was unconscious. “Shit.” You slid her off your shoulder and looked around for a curse. Nothing. You quickly checked her pulse. She was breathing. You sighed and stood up looking around. 
The box! You looked around the floor for it. You had dropped it when you had been hit. It was nowhere to be found. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You realized now the curse had probably slammed into you while trying to get the box. You had to get it back and fast. You stopped. No this isn’t right. I need to get this lady to safety and set a veil. I need to wait for the closest sorcerer to arrive, I can’t fight. You heard screaming from the hallway again. You clenched your jaw. You were terrified. 
You looked down at the lady and quickly picked her up. You were right by the door. You pushed open the door wheezing a little and trying your best to ignore the pain as she leaned into your broken ribs. You set her down on the steps outside and turned to the building. The curtain! you needed to put one up. You lifted a hand and muttered your phrase. 
You opened your phone and dialed the school. The same person picked up. “The situation has escalated. I was attacked and the curse got a hold of the finger. So far there's only been one confirmed injury, but I think many others are in danger. I’ve placed a veil for now,” you said.
“Stay put, help is almost there.” You looked back at the building and frowned. You hung up. You heard another yell and your stomach dropped. You felt yourself tearing up. There had to be something you could do. You needed to do something, anything, you couldn’t just stand there while everyone inside was in danger. It wasn’t fair. 
You felt your body move and before you realized, you found yourself stepping into the veil. You quickly went to the door and stepped back into the building. You saw more of the little yellow creatures climbing up and down the walls. You counted seven. They were all moving towards the same place. Looking along the wall, you spotted what you were looking for and quickly hobbled over to push the fire alarm. 
The alarm rang in your ears. You coughed and winced as more blood came out of your mouth. Your chest ached with every step, every breath, but you kept going. Someone was yelling for help. Without thinking you snatched one of the little yellow curses and started absorbing it. You were careful not to heal your own wounds. You’d been able to help the lady, but with little understanding of internal anatomy, something told you you’d do more damage than good. 
You turned the corner and found a man in shock staring at where his hand once was. You rushed over and grabbed it with your free hand exerting the cursed energy into it. The little fiend shriveled in your hand again as the wound scabbed over.
As the alarm cycled you hoped people in the museum were evacuating. Since you were in the employee backrooms you couldn’t tell. The man stared at his hand traumatized and you left him there to try to find the creature. The closer you felt you got, the more of the little yellow demons swarmed the walls, like vultures waiting for prey. You pushed past twenty trying to get through a door frame and you were surprised to see that there were at least a hundred in the next room. The curse you were looking for was there too. 
It was a large pudgy creature, around 6 feet tall with frog-like features. It had grubby hands and ornate green stripes along its back. It was muttering something, you couldn’t make out the phrase. It had a disembodied human hand in its mouth and it was sucking on the exposed wrist draining it of blood. Every time it slurped, the fingers of the hand would contract open and closed. It made your stomach uneasy. 
The curse didn’t notice you coming in, it was too preoccupied trying to open the emerald box. You noted the curse had it backwards and was trying to pry it open on the side with the hinges. You didn’t know how much longer you had. You debated what to do. In this room the curse was isolated, it couldn’t access any more victims and hopefully a majority, if not all, of the people in the museum had evacuated. There was a sorcerer on the way, you could leave it here or wait outside of the door to direct them towards the curse. 
But the finger….You could get it while it was distracted, or at least try to. You had the katana and even though it was old, it was still a weapon. As you pondered what to do you noticed the room had gone silent. The creature was still mumbling and trying to get the box open but the other small yellow creatures had gone quiet. You put your hand on the hilt of the katana once again uneasy. You made your decision. Even if you were useless you could buy some time. You slowly crept closer and closer to the curse. You took a quiet breath before pulling out the sword and swinging it at the monster's neck. 
The sword hit the curse’s flesh with a loud thunk. It was blunt. Practically useless. The creature stopped struggling with the box and its head quickly turned to look at you. It had two sets of eyes, although they all seemed to be looking in different directions. Suddenly the curse made a dive at you, mouth open ready to bite. 
You attempted to dodge to the right but you were too slow to completely move out of the way. You felt a cool sensation on your arm and you turned to see your left arm in a sorry state. The skin on your forearm and elbow was gone. Blood poured out and you could only stare in horror. The pain hit you all at once and you barely managed to turn away from your arm, trying to locate where the curse was now. It was staring at you seemingly confused as to how it had missed you, the sliver of your flesh hanging down out of its mouth like a tongue. 
It looked like it was going to charge at you again and as you started backing away you realized your back was to the wall. It realized this too and moved forward at a ridiculous speed. All you managed to do was bring up the old katana. You shut your eyes embracing yourself for the fatal blow but you only felt the curses’ plump body falling into you, wriggling around. The sword was in your hand but your wrists were twisted awkwardly around the handle and you realized it had become stuck in the creature's mouth. You let go and pushed against the creature with your leg. 
In its shocked state, it stumbled backwards and you were able to see what had happened. It had opened its mouth wide and lodged the katana between the top of his mouth and his jaw. He couldn’t shut it. It reached desperately to try to pry it out but its stubby arms couldn’t reach inside its own mouth. 
You quickly took advantage of its distraction to try to locate the green box. You spotted it on the ground in the middle of the room.You looked back at the creature making sure it was still distracted and started sneaking away. 
It suddenly let out a loud screech and its body started contorting. Its head grew bigger and smaller, arms longer and shorter. It seemed to be trying to molt out of its body to get rid of the sword. But no matter how much it twisted and yelled the sword wouldn’t come out. You wondered for a second, what kind of curse was imbued on the sword. 
You took another step away and suddenly the creature’s attention snapped back to you. You tried to make a run for it but it hurtled its way in front of you and slammed you back into the wall. 
You yelled out weakly, more blood spilling from your mouth and your left arm sending a shooting pain throughout your body as your exposed muscle stained the wall with your blood. The curse moved its hands to your neck and lifted you up, choking you against the wall. You desperately tried to inhale and tried not to panic, but the combination of the pain and lack of oxygen wasn’t letting you think clearly. You kicked desperately at the curse but it wasn’t budging. You put your hands up to its wrists and tried to budge them to no avail.   
As you started to see dots, your kicks got weaker. You felt its grip tighten and your hands fell weakly onto its arms. You began trying to take the energy out. Your body felt almost as if it was on autopilot. No air and feeling defeated, you started to allow the cursed energy you were absorbing into you entirely. You felt a burning sensation on your arm and coming from inside your chest. Your entire body felt hot as you felt things fixing themselves. You also noticed the grip around your neck had faltered some as you took a desperate and choppy gulp of air. That little flow of oxygen allowed you to think a little more clearly as you kept absorbing the CE. 
You didn’t want to finish healing yourself but you needed to put the energy somewhere. You looked at the curse in front of you. Its face was right in front of your chest. You reached down with your right hand and grabbed the blade of the katana. You began transferring the energy into it. You felt the sword get hot and push back, almost as if it was refusing the new input of CE, but after gripping the steel tighter you felt the sword lose its dullness. 
The rust started to fall away and the metallic sheen of the blade began to glow. The edge of the sword was becoming very sharp. You wanted to let go but found that your hand was bound to it, the transfer requiring more and more CE and blood and pain. You felt the blade cut into your palm and you ground your teeth. You needed to stop. You ripped your hand away from the blade and removed your hand from the curse’s arm. You quickly put your hands into the curse’s mouth and grabbed its teeth and lip. You pulled its upper jaw down hard for it to close its mouth and watched as the newly sharpened sword point pierce through the creature’s palate and skewered out through the top of its head. As the tip of the blade suddenly appeared through its skull, the grip around your neck loosened and the curse dropped flat on the ground, twitching. 
You could only stare in shock at what had just happened. 
Suddenly a rush of the small yellow curses began moving forward to consume the liquids oozing out of the curse. You felt your stomach churn as you watched them lap everything up. You turned away from the sight and looked for the box. You took a staggering step towards the item, still laying in the middle of the room, and let out a yelp. Your entire body felt heavy and tired. You felt sick. You still had an excess of CE and your body couldn’t handle it. You collapsed to your knees as you neared the box. You placed your palms on the floor and tried to expel the energy from your body. The floor beneath you turned black and cracked. You poured it all out and felt slight relief, but still felt sore and achy. You looked back up at the box and reached for it. You took it in your hands and sat back. You took a shaky breath and laughed. That could have been bad. 
You jumped as you heard the door open and quickly turned towards it. You felt a slight pang of relief as you realized it was a pair of sorcerers. That relief turned to anger as you realized it was two students. 
Inumaki and Maki. They stared at you curiously and looked around trying to make sense of what had happened. You looked around too. The place was crawling with little yellow curses, a horde of them concentrated on the still twitching body of the large curse with a katana stuck through his skull. There was a human hand just laying limp to your right and you were sitting in the middle of the room. You bet you were a sight to see. Your suit was torn in various places, soaked in blood from wounds that had healed. 
“Are you okay?” Maki asked. 
“The curse-“ you stopped and put a hand up to your throat. It was burning and speaking felt difficult. Your voice had a heavy rasp to it due to your windpipe almost being crushed. You tried to clear your throat but it sent a sharp pain down it. “The curse has been defeated, I secured the finger.” You finally said fighting against the fire in your throat. You held up the box. “Are you two the only ones here?” 
“Daisuke is outside, he drove us here.” Another manager. 
“Tuna.” 
“We’ll take care of these creatures, Daisuke is waiting with another secure container to put the finger in.” 
You sighed and nodded. “Any casualties?” 
“None, almost everyone was evacuated. Police and firemen have arrived on scene. The veil you placed is very good.” Maki said. 
You slowly got to your feet and tucked the box under your right arm. You had healed your previously flayed left arm but it still felt sore. You put your hand on your left elbow to try to comfort it. “Be careful. He’s down but he’s got razor sharp teeth. Also we need that sword. If you could get it for me that would be great,” you said with a smile. You could tell from their faces that it wasn’t very convincing.
You limped out of the room and collapsed against the wall once you were out. They sent students? If the curse had gotten a hold of the finger the students would have been in serious danger. You would have surely been killed, and they wouldn’t have known what they were walking into. You were going to say something when you got back. You got back to your feet and started heading towards the exit. 
You spotted Daisuke talking with some policemen as you emerged from the veil. He looked at you shocked to see the state you were in and quickly pulled out a wooden box to put the cursed item in. You dropped the box into it and he quickly shut it, muttering some kind of extra enchantment on it. 
You leaned against the car exhausted and still feeling off. “Are you okay?” 
You looked at him and nodded. “Yes,” you hesitated. “But I think I’m going to need you to give me a ride back to the school.” 
The students finished up quickly and you sat in the passenger seat sleeping the whole way back. You felt uneasy still. Your bones creaking and your entire body sore. 
Once inside the school you insisted on taking the box and delivering it to the main office. You wanted to talk to the staff member you had talked with over the phone. 
You swung open the door to his office and stormed up to his desk. You dropped the box onto the infront of him and stared the worker down. “Here it is. One of the legendary Ryomei Sukuna fingers, one of the most powerful relics in the world, previously unwrapped and unbound less than an hour ago.” 
The guy looked at the box and then up at you giving you a criticizing glare. “You seem upset.”
“Why the fuck would you send two students instead of a high ranked sorcerer?”
The guy looked away from you and smirked. “They were the closest available and besides, if you were able to handle it why would I waste someone’s time?” He gave you a snarky smile. 
Your blood boiled. He had a point but you had gotten so lucky. “They could have gotten hurt if the curse had been able to get the finger, you didn’t know the whole situation of what was going on.” 
He shrugged. “It looks like I made the right decision. If you, out of anyone, was able to defeat the curse, there was no real danger. The curse even cauterized the wounds. None of the victims were in grave danger.” 
“What?” 
“Two of the victims were found with missing limbs but not even bleeding out or anything.” He started to act annoyed. “Look I have things to do, I expect your report by tomorrow, let us know your thoughts in the appropriate feedback section. Have a nice day. Get out.” 
You stared at him frustrated before storming out of the room and almost running into someone. “Sorry,” you muttered before looking up. It was Nanami. 
He looked down at you concerned by the state you were in, bloodied and sweaty. “Y/N are you okay?” 
For some reason that was your last straw. His question made your eyes start watering. You rolled your eyes blinking hard to try to stop the tears. “I’m fine.” You said not meeting his gaze. He didn’t move. 
“You should go see Shoko.” He said, his voice now softer. He moved his hand to your face, carefully placing it under your chin to make you look at him. His thumb grazed your cheek. You looked up at him and frowned, tears leaking from your eyes. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Nothing had been going your way and you were exhausted. You took a step forward towards Nanami and wrapped your arms around him. 
It was stupid, but you desperately needed some kind of comfort. He didn’t move at first but he eventually put his arms around you. You buried your face into his shirt and felt yourself relax for the first time in hours. You felt your eyes close right as your legs gave out beneath you.
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˚₊✩‧₊nana here: okay okay i got a little (a lot) carried away with the fight scene. I just love making Y/N a badass and I promise it makes sense later. Again theres a lot added in thats part of a longer story but idk...if anything i'll cross post here and ao3. Thank yall for reading and as always if you saw a typo, no you didn't.
please click on through to pt. 4 and if you did read this all, I love you.
super duper shout out to @zoldsick for reading and editing my crazy ideas, thank you cath<3
pt. 1 pt. 2. pt. 4 pt 5.
˚₊✩‧₊ taglist: @wrldtups @rjreins @phattyboo90 @tnyblacklesbo @silkija @justwantedachange @inthedarkshadows000 @nniiyyaa @starkmila09 @sikuthealien @wifenanami @bloombb @kentos-glasses @inciteterr0r
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maxdibert · 25 days ago
Note
hi! i saw in one of your posts you wrote about how Sirius Black had no reason to bully Snape and i thought about it…..i mean doesn't his hatred seem too personal? we have Lupin who has no contact with Snape after book 3 but Sirius goes crazy when Snape is around and they are alone so he can attack him (kitchen scene in book 5). and he knows so much about him: who he hung out with at school, his relationship with Lucius; at the same time he doesn't know about the mark, about how Severus was the one who brought the prophecy to voldemort that led to Lily and James death. and yes he is stuck at age 21 but even then they graduated school and as he says they never heard of Snape in those years. It seems a bit odd: don't bullies usually try to downplay their role in what they did to the victim, or even try to make it look like nothing happened? And he and Remus try to do that with Harry, but at the same time he seems incredibly proud and pleased with himself when he talks about the prank. One moment confused me when I was reading book 3: when Sirius has Peter at gunpoint with his wand, he is extremely focused on him. He doesn't take his eyes off him, because it was for this moment, the act of revenge, that he escaped from prison. As far as I remember, Harry describes it as "nothing could distract him at that moment" or something like that. But as soon as Remus even mentions Snape, Sirius' attention suddenly switches: he turns away from Peter and asks about him again. Or when he watches Snape during the OWL exams??? Especially when Rowling describes his reaction after the exam, when he sees him under the tree, as the reaction of a dog to a rabbit. He seems so obsessed and like something happened between them that really got to him. Or he's just as intolerant of half-bloods as his family. I completely agree with you that Sirius bullied Snape simply because James did it and he found it funny. But his hatred seems excessive, he has no reason to hate Snape so much. James has his excuse about Lily, but Sirius has none of that. But he still tries to kill him and it doesn't really matter hides, lol. I've read an opinion that he hates him because of his unrequited feelings for James, where Severus is the reason James even noticed Lily, which I don't really agree with, to be honest. Sorry, it got too long, ahaha. What I want to ask is: do you have any thoughts on this?
Well, the explanation for his relationships at school is quite simple because Sirius doesn’t leave home until he’s 16. Considering that his brother goes to Slytherin and that Narcissa is his cousin, it’s not strange to deduce that Snape’s name, along with other Slytherin students, probably came up at some family dinner/lunch/meeting. Like, talking about who in Regulus and Sirius’ year might have ‘potential,’ for example. It seems coherent to me that, considering Sirius’ environment until he leaves to live with the Potters, he’d be aware of certain things.
Leaving that aside, let’s talk about Sirius Black, because I think in recent years the Marauders fandom has ruined this character, and he’s actually a character with a lot of depth. Or at least more than many others in the saga.
(This is gonna ne so fucking long lol)
Sirius is a posh kid. He’s a posh kid who is embarrassed about being posh and feels guilty about it. He’s the typical rich kid from a conservative family who’s had issues with his mom (in this case) and his way of getting back at everything he felt was missing from his childhood is to vehemently oppose everything he thinks she represents. And the funniest part is that (as is often the case) his problem with his mom is that they both have a terrible character, which is why they clash. Because Sirius has the kind of terrible character that is incompatible with anyone else who has the same terrible character. But despite everything, he’s still a posh kid. Because he comes from an aristocratic family and was raised with those values of superiority. Because he’s never had to fend for himself (he leaves home but goes to another rich family, the Potters, and on top of that, his uncle Alphard leaves him his entire inheritance, so he has plenty of money) and he has always enjoyed the privilege of his surname, his blood status, and the fact that he’s (according to Rowling) super handsome. In other words, Sirius belongs to the ruling class and behaves with the same arrogance, entitlement, and lack of empathy that is typical of that class. No matter how much he tries to deny it and distance himself from it, he can only do so on a superficial level (Muggle posters, being a Gryffindor, enchanting a Muggle motorcycle) because when it comes down to it, he has no idea how to deconstruct himself, nor is he interested in giving up or losing his privileges, because he’s quite comfortable with them. He’s like the typical aristocratic kid from an Opus Dei family who thinks he’s better than everyone around him because he votes for the left and has been to four protests, but at the end of the day, he still lives a bourgeois life and doesn’t understand the root of social problems.
That said, let’s move on to James.
I think James was everything Sirius wanted to be. No, not be, I think James had everything Sirius wanted to have: loving parents, a family that wasn’t involved in a cult, a pleasant environment that allowed him to do whatever he wanted instead of being constrained by traditions and social norms, liberal and progressive ideals… James had the life Sirius had always wanted, but with one key detail: he was also rich and from an old, prestigious family. This is super important because when Sirius chooses his rebellion partner, he doesn’t pick some random Muggle-born, or a half-blood, or someone from the middle or lower class. Sirius chooses as his best friend someone who embodies everything he wants to be/have, but who at the same time belongs to his same social stratum, both economically and in blood status. Sirius chooses a future Gryffindor rebel with very different ideas from his family, but ironically he chooses like anyone from his family would: someone with money, status, and power. And I find this super amusing because it’s so coherent with his character. I mean, if Sirius were a real person, he would’ve done the same thing because guys like him are like that: the kings of cognitive dissonance and double standards.
Sirius always wanted James’ validation, or at least that’s how I see it. I think for him, feeling that James approved of what he did was a way to legitimize himself as someone different from his family. James represented the “progressive” social elite that Sirius aspired to by rejecting the traditional values imposed on him. So, unconsciously, he understood that if he did everything James wanted, and I’ll go further, everything he thought James would like, then he would distance himself from that Black image and gain validation as something entirely opposite. The problem is that Sirius, unlike James, was raised in an environment where ethical and moral values were very different, and where it was clearly established that certain people were “the other,” an “other” sociologically understood as the idea that some humans are inherently less than others. And although Sirius consciously rejected this idea, unconsciously he had been raised with it. Therefore, consciously, he didn’t reject people based on their blood status because he could identify that as something his family would do, and family = bad. But unconsciously, he was conditioned to see other people as non-people, and this is where Severus comes into play.
James dislikes Severus because he sees him as an obstacle/threat/nuisance in his crush on Lily. By default, and because of that constant need for validation from James, Sirius also focuses on him as a hostile element. And if he’s hostile to James, who in a way is his moral compass, then that guy must be trash because, of course, it’s obvious. But not only that, this guy is also a half-blood and poor, so poor he wears old clothes. And on top of that, he’s ugly. And not very masculine. So he has all the elements for Sirius, the aristocrat raised in luxury under the premise that he’s better than others because of his origins, to see him as “the other” and exercise all his power and privilege to oppress him without remorse, because for him, it’s justified. Justified unconsciously by the education he received, and consciously because if James hates him, there must be a good reason to hate him, so everything is justified. If we add to that the fact that Severus desires everything Sirius has always tried to reject: more social status, more recognition, power, belonging to Slytherin, rubbing shoulders with important wizards, forgetting the Muggle world he grew up in… well, we have a molotov cocktail for him to make Severus’ life unbearable. And Severus is an easy target for someone like school-age Sirius Black: he has no friends, no surname, no parents to protect him, and no stable socio-economic situation. Sirius can project all his frustrations onto him without any consequences. He can completely dehumanize him and stop seeing him as a person. He can behave like a Black.
I think the Prank is a good example to see the difference in upbringing between Sirius and James. Both are bullies, both are abusers, both have zero remorse when it comes to using their status and power to make life impossible for those they believe deserve it. But James was raised in an environment where he knows that actions have consequences, that you can’t cross “certain lines,” such as murder, for example. Sirius was taught the opposite—he was raised to think that the life of “the other” holds no value, and that is something that in his story with Severus goes too far. James understands that death is something serious and can bring terrible consequences, while Sirius does not. For the Black family, death is nothing if there is a reason for the person to die, and Sirius has his own reasons for playing with Severus’ life the way Bellatrix would play with the life of any Muggle-born.
(This is something I really like as well—the way Sirius and Bellatrix are fundamentally alike, and how little that’s discussed. But I’ll leave that for another time, otherwise I won’t finish.)
I don’t think it’s a matter of Sirius being obsessed with Snape, but rather that, for all the reasons I’ve explained, he uses Severus as a catalyst for his repressed anger and that sadism he inherited from his family. He can’t channel it toward anyone else because that would lead to absolute rejection from James. Since James hates and despises Severus, he’s never going to question Sirius for channeling all his pent-up rage on him, so it’s a free pass. If he had reached that level of sadism with someone who didn’t provoke the same level of animosity in James as Severus did, he would have risked confronting his biggest fear: that James would see him as a Black, not as Sirius. Losing his validation as the black sheep to become just another one of them. So he focuses on Severus because it’s a safe bet.
Moving on to their relationship during the book canon���
We don’t really see a proper confrontation until the fifth book. I mean, in the third, it shows that Sirius still sees Severus as “other” by dragging him along while unconsciously banging his head. In the fourth, there’s that scene where Dumbledore forces them to shake hands, and it’s clear they still hate each other. But it’s not until the fifth book that we get a real confrontation, where Sirius loses his temper. I think this has a lot to do with (drumroll) once again that cognitive dissonance between what Sirius always wanted to be and what he actually is, especially given the role he plays on the chessboard at that point in the story.
Sirius did everything he could to distance himself from his family, and the climax of that was joining the Order of the Phoenix and actively fighting against that same family, several members of whom were “soldiers” for the opposite side. Sirius is finally achieving what he wants—to be a hero. To stop being part of the elite dark villains and instead be part of the heroic elite. The noble of high birth who fights valiantly for the good of the realm, just as James was destined to be. It’s the climax, the absolute fulfillment of his adolescent desire. But then he’s thrown into Azkaban, and when he gets out, he finds that the poor, weird kid addicted to dark arts, who sucked up to future dark wizards, who hung out with purists and even joined the “bad side”—the side of Sirius’ family, the villains—is now the most important member of the Order. He’s none other than Dumbledore’s right hand. He’s a double agent risking his neck every day and has more responsibility than anyone else. That kid Sirius called Snivellus for being a crybaby has more guts and more endurance than most people. The one who always wanted to be part of the elite Sirius hated is now the one playing them all, making them look like idiots. The one who looked frail and effeminate turns out to be more “manly.” And that hurts. That hurts a lot. You go to prison, and when you get out, the person you didn’t even consider a person not only ranks above you, but is playing in a league you can’t aspire to. And the best part is, Sirius can’t fully accept it because he’s still Sirius—a classist, privileged aristocrat incapable of accepting that (as is only logical) the poor working-class kid turned out to be far more useful than him in both politics and war.
To me, it’s poetic justice.
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neechees · 7 months ago
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hello, thanks so much for doing your scam busting, is the account @/shtunning another palestine scam? i can't find the images used on google anywhere, but the lack of a gofundme makes me wary
This one is looking veeeery suspicious & is pretty much most certainly a scam for the dollowing reasons:
El-shab-hussein, a Palestinian who's been helping us with vetting real Palestinian fundraisers from scams, says that the ONLY confirmed Palestinian fundraisers who claim to be in Gaza are on this list, and that blog is not one of them
That blog already has me preemptively blocked 🤨 🚩 I've never interacted with this person in my life, and its a big red flag to have scam busters blocked
Their donation post was made YESTERDAY, and their archive is turned off 🚩we see scammers do this to hide how old their blog actually is (that it's new and suddenly asking for money) and to make it harder to investigate them
Their donation post reblogs and replies have been turned off 🚩scammers do this usually after someone has called them out on their suspicious behavior, often with proof that they're scamming, and they do it to hide the evidence and prevent anyone from seeing or reblogging this evidence against them
They're asking for donations, but do not provide a paypal or gofundme attached 🚩 scammers nowadays also often try to hide their paypal because they like to reuse one account across multiple scams, and used them enough for those accounts to be recognizable bc scam busters keep track of them. Additionally, you can tell someone's actual location by a paypal link, so scammers often are trying to hide any discrepancies in their fake story (like say, pretending to be in Europe but are actually in Canada). Laura Deramas & co have been doing this a lot, so I wouldn't be surprised if this was her
They claim that the photos they provide are of their family in Gaza, but there's literally a watermark of these photos originally being from the website Gazanow 🚩 why you would use a seperate website's photos of your family & then blur out your family's faces from the photo (even though it's already on a public website & that's where you got it?), instead of any photos that THEY themselves took, makes no sense to me, & is extremely suspicious.
They claim their "entire family" is in Gaza and that they've been working & supporting their family abroad (presumably allegedly in Europe since theyre asking for money in Euros) since 2016, and that they are 24 years old. So according to them, They've been the single sole supporter of their entire family in Gaza & moved to & have been living in Europe ALONE since the age of 16? Idk that kinda doesn't seem that plausible to me.
They've backdated their blog, and tried to use posts with thousands of notes to make it harder to find that out lol 🚩🚩🚩according to the screenshots below, they backdated their blog (& in particular, this post) to look like it reblogged a post on February 17th, 2024. But once I looked in the notes, I very quickly found it in the most recent notes that it was ACTUALLY reblogged YESTERDAY
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[Image description: two vertically stacked screenshots with a blue water filter over them. The first shows a screenshots of a reblog by the user shtunning, showing a falsified reblog date of February 17th 2024. The second shows the real date within the notes of this post that they had reblogged, dated to "1 day ago", April 17th, 2024. End image description.]
And as another thing, they're claiming to be Palestinian, but using language an actual Palestinian who has lived in Palestine would never use lol, such as "revive peace between us". There was no "peace" in Gaza before this, Gaza is an open air prison under a settler colonial occupation and has been bombed regularly for decades?
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So yeah this is definitely a scammer lol
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absolutebl · 6 months ago
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This Week in BL - All's Quiet on the BL Front
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
May 2024 Wk 3
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 3 of 12 - I love how were getting a solid depiction of two queers just genuinely enjoying sex with each other. That’s actually rare in BL. In this case, it manages to also be weirdly adorable and cute.
Dee is such a tease. I guess Y likes a brat? 
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LOOK at those bedroom eyes!
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Linguistics corner: when these two are being serious, sweet, or flirty with each other they use rao/nai which is kind of old fashioned and charming and not common in BL. They move pretty seamlessly into gu/mueng and back depending on the style of convo, tho. It's FUN to hear them talk.
Let the fake relationship commence!
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My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 eps - I HAVE THOUGHTS. I'm really enjoying the sinister backbone of this show. I hope they have the courage of their convictions in that regard and lean into a kind of sexy evil revenge narrative. It was a pleasure to watch the break up and I do not want a redemption arc for Ming or a romance for us. Fuck 'em, let’s just ride a revenge train, okay Joe baby?
That’s said, I totally sniffled at the ending scene where Ming (for two years!) has been paying penance cooking for two and waiting alone. Excellent pathos. Now, I understand how they're gonna make this a full 12 eps. And I’m excited about it. Carry on!
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We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 7 of 16 - I wasn't a fan of Winny & Satang in My School President but I'm loving them in this. The thing with Q, Toey, and Chain had me hooting with laughter. I think I’m finally just easing into the relaxed absurdity of this show. The key is not to expect anything from it. Just them being tiny gay idiots.
Two Worlds (iQIYI) ep 10 fin - Someday I’d like to really enjoy a MaxNat show, but today was not that day. (I feel like ever since Between Us I’ve been generally disenchanted with established OG pairs and what they’re bringing to the table. Perhaps that’s a discussion for another day. Cherry Magic excepted, of course.) 
OK, so this final episode, they sure tried to fit a lot in. But that made the pacing better for me. So I kinda liked this weird cliff notes resolution to the story.
In conclusion:
MaxNat do a credible job with a messy script about parallel worlds, gangsters, and strange diseases cured by forest fruits. It sounds confusing because it is. The chemistry is excellent the side pair is entirely forgotten about, and one could drive a Tardis through the plot holes. Still, I found it modestly enjoyable if not at all rewatchable. 7/10 
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Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I do love how bold and brash Moo is. He’s truly a great character, such an utter outgoing sunshine puppy focused on his pursuit of his older boy. I'm charmed by his utter harmlessness. They gave us a sweet coming out scene, and an awesome supportive mom. Frankly GMMTV has a good track record with moms. (With a few noted exceptions, of course.)
That said, I do keep forgetting this is a GMMTV offering. It just doesn't FEEL GMMTV. Just me?
OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - Starts tomorrow, will report on sitch next week. LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead. But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like it. I like our sulky 2nd lead. He’s pouty, adorable, brash, and adding some much-needed tension to this narrative. The blurring lines between show within a show is a lot of fun. Probably the best I've seen done in BL so far.
Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like that we got backstory, but we also sort of already knew it. So this ep felt a bit like filler. They are wonderful when they’re on screen together but when they aren't it's a bit dull. I hope we just get them together for the next 4 eps. But this is Japan, so I doubt it.
Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - The image resolution on this show (via Iqiyi ) is terrible. Meanwhile, awkward crush. Jock nerd pairing. Dorky. Maybe a bit too much awkward/dorky for me? I'm not sold on this one.
Meanwhile the ordering then not eating or drinking of food continues. Very upsetting.
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Boys Be Brave (Korea Viki) eps 5-8fin - This show was just never sure what it wanted to be. Slacker sunshine KiSub moves in with nerd JinWoo, mostly because he knows JinWoo likes him but won't confess and that's never happened to him before. It reminded me of some earlier KBLs like Behind Cut, yes is had bones but not much flesh, so it only just hung together and progressed through not very much plot in a jerking rattling fashion like an animated skeleton. All the story and chemistry was with the side couple and none of the screen time. That just annoyed me. What did this BL want to BE? Who tf knows. I, for one, don’t care, and resolve to think no more on it. 6/10 
Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) - This ended at 4 eps on a cliffhanger. Since this is a very small studio I don’t have a lot of faith in there being a part two. But they have bundled both this BL, and the GL, bingable chunks on YT. So if you want to binge it, it’s there. Just be aware that it ends on a cliffhanger.
My thoughts?
Promising reunion romances full of class and coming out struggles but I grade with what we got, not on expectations, and you know I HATE a cliffhanger. So yeah, it HAD promise but as of now it gets a 4/10 - fatally flawed. I reserve the right to change my mind if they amend for damages.
It's airing but...
You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.
Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.
A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.
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In case you missed it
A really really thorough and fascinating article on 2 Moons 2 and what happened.
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
May Releases
VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)
5/10 – You Are Mine
5/17 – VIP Only
5/24 – Stay By My Side
5/31 – Anti Reset
5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.
5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer
5/30 Knock Knock Boys (Thai Thurs WeTV) - I'm hoping I can get it elsewhere since my WeTV account is inactive, but I do love Best and I'm interested in seeing him in a new pairing. That said, I'm not wild about Seng... so I won't be too cut up if I can't get hold of this. More here.
5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
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I'm a sucker for this king of casual claiming. (Only Boo)
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It me! (Wandee Goodday)
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @sunflower-positiiivity @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious
If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.
128 notes · View notes
tin-wufborf · 3 months ago
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Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 14)
Hello, and welcome back to Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics! I truly cannot believe we've reached part 14 of this series, but I have had a lot of fun along the way and am so happy to be able to share all of these wonderful fics with you all!
As ever and always, thank you all so much for your continued support of this series. It continues to blow me away how many of you have liked and shared the previous parts. We'll probably be coming to the end of this series in the relatively near future, but I'm thinking of maybe doing some themed rec lists if anyone would be interested in that? Idk, we'll have to see how I feel when this series is all said and done.
Okay, that's all from me today. I hope you all have as good a day as you can, if not a great one. Oh, and don't forget about that Bad Friend Scott McCall warning.
Smoochies and squeezies!
List and links to previous/next part(s) below the cut.
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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19
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Consigliere by neil4god (NR | 5/5 | 7,042)
It's been years since Danny left Beacon Hills behind and everything that happened in it. He moved on, joined the FBI and forgot all about his junior year of High School. At least he tried, but with Stiles Stilinksi leering at him from the FBI's most wanted board, well that makes it kinda hard to forget, and now they want to know all about it. They want him to talk to Stiles, worse still, they want him to wear a wire while he does it.
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Stilinski Orphanage by pineneedlepants (M | 1/1 | 10,514)
Throughout the short months Derek has been spending at the Stilinski Orphanage, he's come to a few conclusions. One, for the Stilinski's, bullying is a zero tolerance thing. There are hundreds of kids staying under their roof and they want things to be peaceful.
Of course, with that many children in one place, with different backgrounds and ethnicities, not everyone follows this rule. The thing is that because the Stilinski Orphanage is actually very popular and well respected, kids circle in and out in a decently fast cycle. Enforcing the strict no bullying rule isn't always as effective, and so sometimes, these bullies get called to the headmaster's office and then transferred to another orphanage, in a place that's far, far away from Beacon Hills.
Except Derek knows better.
He's pretty sure the Stilinskis eat the 'transferred' bullies. Not that he really cares.
-- Happy Early Halloween!
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Snow Flirting by thepsychicclam (M | 1/1 | 11,396)
As Beacon Hills get pounded with foot after foot of snow, single dad Stiles can't quite keep up with his four year old, his job, and shoveling his driveway. Derek makes his teenage son shovel Stiles' walk, and that just leads to Derek helping Stiles out with a whole bunch of other tasks. That's okay with Derek, though, cause any chance to be with Stiles is okay with him.
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stop, drop, and roll by thepsychicclam (M | 1/1 | 12,237)
Stiles knows he's in trouble when he invites the Beacon Hills Fire Department into his third grade classroom and he can't stop staring at a certain scruffy fireman. But after the third graders take a field trip to the fire station and participate in the fire department's holiday canned food drive, Stiles can't ignore his crush any longer.
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Would You Like to Make a Deal? by the_sporadic_writer (NR | 4/4 | 14,180)
Stiles never meant for everything to spin this far out of his control, never thought it would turn out this bad. Never thought that he would enjoy playing as the resident human and enjoy spending time with a pack of wolves. Never expected to get tangled up with Derek Hale of all people, and never thought that he would have enjoyed their time together.
OR, the story where Stiles is a demon and got more than he bargained for when his boredom got the better of him.
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A Tiny Bit of String by bunnymaccool (T | 1/1 | 14,382)
The pulling of a single bit of string can sometimes, perhaps, unravel the entire piece of knitting.
Sometimes the universe decides it has taken too much... and chooses to give back.
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little boy lost by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli), smartalli (T | 1/1 | 14,862)
If someone asked Stiles to write a parenting book, Stiles would say the best and most important rule is to love your kid. Just love the hell out of them, and make sure they know it.
The second most important rule would be don’t turn your back on a curious three year old with supernatural speed.
Stiles is currently failing at the second rule. Badly.
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Claudia's Puntastic Life series by JoMouse (6 works | G | 15,410)
1. Holy Guacamole (G | 1/1 | 4,278) Derek runs into an old friend on Halloween. Inspired by that scene of Derek with the kids on Halloween - you know that one. 2. Kiss You Instead (G | 1/1 | 3,712) Derek has been invited to join Stiles and his pun-loving daughter, Claudia, for Christmas cookies and present wrapping. 3. The Happy Couple (G | 1/1 | 2,492) Derek and Claudia decide to surprise Stiles with breakfast in bed, but that's not the only surprise in the works. Day 2 of Sterek Valentine Week 2020. Theme: Breakfast in Bed. 4. It's Lit (G | 1/1 | 2,550) Claudia is scared of fireworks; Derek tries to help out. 5. Full Moon Ficlet #140 - Stir (G | 1/1 | 704) Stiles comes home to a flour-coated kitchen. 6. Spring has Sprung! (G | 1/1 | 1,674) It's Spring and Derek is thinking about the future.
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Keep It Together by ravingrevolution (T | 1/1 | 23,129)
“What if I guess what you are?” Derek asked.
Stiles sighed. “Why do you even think there’s something to guess?”
Derek cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re taking a cold bath and showing no signs of being chilled. A normal human would be shivering by now and your body temperature hasn’t dropped at all.”
Which, okay, fair point.
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Start Small, Like Oak Trees by SmallBirds (M | 1/1 | 24,237)
The months following Allison's death have passed Stiles by in a haze of monotony. He sleepwalks through days that seem to lose their color, an unwilling passenger in a body he no longer trusts. Eventually, he thinks, he'll just fade away. He isn't sure anyone would notice. Then, during a spur of the moment grocery run, he stumbles upon Derek Hale attempting to console a lost child, and for the first time in recent memory the world doesn't seem so awful. He's not sure what he'd been expecting when he eventually convinces Derek to move into the Stilinski's spare bedroom, but a newfound passion for weeding and topsoil certainly isn't it.
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I found you hidden in plain sight (why'd I take so long?) by Gorgeousgreymatter (E | 7/7 | 25,419)
Stiles is pretty sure he’s hallucinating. He’s got to be. There’s no other plausible explanation, he thinks, as he sits on the sidelines of the lacrosse field and feels the cold, hard bench underneath him, the roar of the crowd at his back like the worst white noise machine in the world.
There’s no other reason why he sees it, the hulking, black figure of a wolf peering at him from the treeline behind the bleachers. Its eyes flare in the glaring glow of the stadium lights, but they’re the wrong color, he thinks: blood-moon red instead of cobalt blue, but the familiarity of it all makes his stomach roll and clench.
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Between Dogs and Wolves by artemis69 (T | 1/1 | 25,934)
"This is…not four million in cash,” remarks Stilinski.
“Isaac. Did you fail to get my money back and decided to pick up a stripper on the road to bribe me? Because let me make this perfectly clear: this would totally work. Well done.”
Or
The mafia!AU where the Hales owe four million to the Stilinskis, Laura rents Derek (but not as a stripper), Stiles gets a new favorite, Derek gets a new boss, a new puppy and a new family.
Sometimes they break people, but mainly, they just snark at each other.
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I've Lived A Better Day by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere (NR | 18/18 | 32,819)
When Stiles comes across a rogue Alpha during his first year at Berkeley, the ensuing fight doesn't exactly go his way. He calls an unlikely ally to help him with his transition, and finds out his new pack isn't quite who he might have thought it would be.
Stiles is now left with the task of trying to figure out how his old life will fit in with his new, but that is not without its challenges.
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It's A-Boat Time! by Fae_vorite, isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) (T | 1/1 | 33,681)
He could hear the others talking outside, Scott and Isaac freaking out over something and Stiles snapping at them to shut up and help him get inside.
“Dude, how the fuck can you expect me to stay calm right now! Seriously, that’s a fucking tail!”
“We can talk about it later, just get me inside before someone fucking sees me! I don’t want to end up in a fucking aquarium!”
“Christ, you’re heavy!” Isaac grunted. “How much does this thing weigh?!”
“Shut up and walk,” Stiles snapped.
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Blindsided by AClosedFicIsNeverRead (E | 16/16 | 39,664)
Derek exhaled tremulously and tried to stay calm. He called several more times, growing steadily more frantic each time, before allowing the truth to settle in: Stiles’ phone was off. “No. No, no, no, please, no,” Derek whispered to himself, barely able to see the screen through his tearful eyes. What had he done? Had he been so blinded by rage that he dismissed Stiles' call for help?
- OR -
Fuming over Scott's betrayal, the Alpha is out of his mind with anger. When he receives a call from Stiles in that incredibly inopportune moment, he does not even let the teen speak - just screams at him, blames him for everything, and hangs up. But then Erica and Boyd show up, frantically insisting that Stiles is out there somewhere, likely hanging onto life by a thread after being tortured for hours... Will they be able to find Stiles before it's too late? And just how much of the Stiles they know will be left if they do manage to track him down?
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The More That I Know You (the more I want to) by LadySlytherin (M | 1/1 | 43,656)
When death, in the form of hunters, comes for a family of Kelpies seeking refuge in the Preserve - in Hale territory - the Hale Pack is too late to save them. Before he dies, the male Kelpie presses a precious bundle into Stiles’ arms and begs the Emissary to take responsibility for it, which an initially reluctant Stiles does. When he agreed, Stiles had no idea what the sight of him with a baby would do to his esteemed Alpha, Derek. If he’d known, he might not have been so reluctant to agree.
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let's get lost by hot_damn_louis (NR | 12/12 | 57,232)
Stiles was used to hiding things from those close to him. He hid his grief from his dad, his anger from Scott, and the deep sadness from everyone else. Somehow, he can't seem to hide anything from Derek, who is now acting more and more like a real person. Maybe even a friend. All Stiles wants is to feel normal, and Derek seems to be the most normal thing in his life.
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Intention by AlliDee12, ReadablePlot (E | 14/14 | 125,612)
The idea of making things better clings to Stiles: He needs to undo even a fraction of what he did, stop it from happening again, make something around him better in a way he can't for himself.
And things do get better, for all of five minutes.
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A Teenage Love Song by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) (E | 26/26 | 155,834)
Stiles is sick and tired of how much he fucks up. His dad is disappointed, his step-mom judges and his step-brother can do no wrong. It's not that he doesn't love them, he just gets so tired of being different. Now he's being moved lock, stock and barrel to Beacon Hills aka the town his mom grew up in so they can go live in his grandma's house and his father can get him back on the straight and narrow.
It's going to suck.
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You're stronger than you know by Littleredridinghunter (NR | 15/15 | 234,195)
Set at the end of season 2, Stiles survives his encounter with Gerard and his goons, but it isn't easy.
The pack are letting him down again, his dad is not speaking to him, his life is just generally falling apart.
Until he has to get a bronze dagger to kill a siren and his whole world gets flipped on it's head!
My summaries are rubbish but I hope you'll still give it a chance!
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89 notes · View notes
morning-star-joy · 1 year ago
Text
baby, it's Halloween, and we can be anything
a stranger's heart without a home chapter 17
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Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak
Chapter Summary: Dina drags you out to Jackson's first Halloween dance. Joel begins to realize some things after a conversation with an unlikely person. Your night with Joel ends up going in a new direction.
Chapter Warnings/Tags: Explicit Smut (18+ Only MDNI) oral m receiving, unprotected p in v sex, lowkey hints of soft!dom Reader, yes ma'am kink, praise kink, edging/orgasm denial if you squint. Jealousy from both sides (nothing too intense), Angst, Mutual Pining (holy shit they got it so bad), Language (as always)
A/N: Finally!! Time for chapter 17!!! I've been so excited for this one since I wrote it. Can't wait to hear what you guys think. Sending y'all love!
Wordcount: 12.7k
chapter 1 || chapter 16 || chapter 17 || masterlist
ao3 link
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Even though October was long, the days were short, and the nights relaxing now that you had started to trace the constellations for your Little Star again. 
Instead of shutting down immediately whenever you thought of her, you started to make an effort to let the memories of her be there. And although there was still a strong, more than fair amount of pain that surrounded the images of her face in your mind’s eye, there was also a strange feeling of relief in letting yourself feel it, without wallowing in your guilt or shoving it all away.
It was the first fall in years that you got out of your house almost every day. You spent a lot of time at Tommy and Maria’s, though you went over to seek out the presence of your goddaughter more than the company of either of your friends.
Tommy began to huff in annoyance whenever you entered the house and made a beeline towards the stairs, throwing a quick greeting towards wherever the couple was before finding yourself in the nursery, lifting your goddaughter into your arms with a bright smile only the baby could draw from you.
“I used to be her favorite,” Tommy would mutter in frustration, to which Maria would roll her eyes.
“Don’t kid yourself, love,” she would respond, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek while you lifted Hope in the air, laughing along with the baby. “Dina has always been her favorite.”
But you hadn’t truly realized how much time was passing until your unopposed, well-known favorite person in Jackson showed up on your doorstep one afternoon late in October. Dina waved a piece of paper in your face, even as she moved it so quickly that you couldn’t even begin to look at it, let alone read it.
“Look! Look!” she said excitedly, and you tried to move your face to actually look at it as she continued to wave it around.
“I’m trying,” you huffed before trying to catch her wrist to stop her so you could actually read it. “Would you stop waving it?”
Dina laughed at your irritation, and you sent her a half-hearted glare before she finally stopped, holding out the paper so you could take it.
You glanced over it, eyebrows raising as you took in the information before handing it back to her.
“Cool.”
Dina scoffed at your noncommittal response, glaring at you as she repeated incredulously, “Cool? Really? This is the best thing Jackson has done in years, and all you have to say is cool?”
“Those things aren’t my scene, Dina,” you said, placing your hands on your hips and turning to watch her shimmy past you into your home before closing your door behind her. "They’re yours, and I’m happy for you. But it’s not for me.”
“Bullshit,” Dina brushed off your words with a wave of her hand, and you rolled your eyes, already knowing that she had a plan forming in that quick-thinking mind of hers. “C’mon, you’re the one who wanted me to get you all done up for your date.”
You scoffed, eyes wide with the accusation before you snapped back, “Excuse me, you’re the one who wanted to do that! Don’t push it on me!”
Dina rolled her eyes, dramatically collapsing onto your couch while she lifted the paper back up to wave in your direction again.
“We both know why you wanted to look super extra pretty that night,” she teased with a grin and a wiggle of her eyebrows, and you snatched the paper from her hand with a glare as the sound of it moving through the air began to get on your nerves.
“You know nothing, you little shit,” you muttered as you shoved her legs off the end of the couch so you could sit, but you didn’t protest or try to shove her off again when she set her feet on your lap, even as her boots got a few flecks of dirt on your jeans.
“Come on,” Dina drew out the words, flashing her best puppy-dog eyes at you, a look that she had mastered by now because, well, it was Dina. She never half-assed anything, and her natural charm was off the charts.
Still, you ignored her, staring down at the paper in your hands before asking casually, “Did Ellie draw this?”
Dina perked up instantly at the mention of the girl’s name, and you had to hold back your own knowing smile when she sat up straight.
“Yeah!” she grinned, leaning forward to point at the drawing of the dancing skeletons in the middle of the paper. “She drew a bunch of different ones to put around town. This one’s my favorite, though.”
“Oh, you got a super special edition from the artist herself?” you teased, unable to help a bit of a mischievous glint in your eye with the words, and Dina actually blushed a little before she collapsed back onto the couch.
“Yes, I am that important,” she replied with a confident grin, and you laughed quietly before looking back at the information below the illustration that described the event Dina was trying to strong-arm you into attending.
“Come on,” Dina whined again, nudging your stomach with her boot, and you protested loudly as the dirt began to rub off onto your shirt. You shoved her feet off, but she stuck them right back, laughing at your disgusted exasperation before she began to draw out the word, “Please?”
You tried to resist, but when she held out that same goddamn “e” sound that she knew grated on your nerves so much, you gave up.
“Fine!” you shouted, throwing the hand not holding the paper up into the air. “Fine, you win. We’ll go.”
Dina instantly began to wiggle in a happy dance, and you couldn’t help but grin at the endearing innocence of her excitement at the event.
“Okay, so,” she started, finally pulling her feet off of your lap so she could shift and sit next to you. “I have some ideas for costumes.”
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So that was how you found yourself standing at the edge of the room, nervous gaze flickering over the gathered residents of Jackson for the first ever Halloween dance.
“I look stupid,” you murmured, subconsciously tugging at your clothes again, only for Dina to slap your hand away.
“Would you stop it?” she snapped, rolling her eyes as you shifted awkwardly for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “You look great.”
You shook your head, looking down at what you were wearing again with a wince.
“This dress is too tight,” you muttered, rubbing your hand across the fabric on your stomach before reaching down to tug the hemline down from where it kept riding up your thighs. “And too short.”
“Stop it!” Dina chastised, smacking your hand again, which you held to your chest with an agitated frown. “I searched high and low across Jackson for a dress like that. You will wear it, and you will know you look pretty!”
You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, but you couldn’t help a small, thankful smile directed towards your young prodigy.
“Thanks, kid,” you muttered, reaching out to fix the crooked fabric halo on her head, the finishing touch to her costume that you had both spent the last week creating, along with yours.
“Not as pretty as me, of course,” she joked, and you laughed as she did a little twirl, the white fabric of her dress spinning out around her with the motion before she grinned back up at you. “But you may be seen in my presence.”
“Oh, how fortunate I am,” you drawled, rolling your eyes with a smile to match her own as she giggled at her own joke.
You shifted to look back out at the room, resisting the urge to adjust your costume again as you scanned the group of people dancing, laughing and having fun. The cheer of the atmosphere was nearly infectious, but it hadn’t reached you yet, your nerves still bubbling in your chest while you glanced around.
“If you really wanna be secretive, you’re not doing a very good job,” Dina teased quietly at your side, and you looked back at her with a frown.
“What?” you asked, brows furrowed. You had an inkling to what she was getting at, even though you had been trying to ignore it so far that night.
Dina just shook her head, sighing quietly while she met your gaze with one that almost looked sympathetic. Your jaw ticked, quickly evading her eyes as they searched yours.
When you glanced across the room again, you relaxed when you saw a familiar face—not the one you were looking for, but it would do well to distract you from your young friend’s imminent questioning.
“Hey, I think your boyfriend wants a dance,” you teased, nudging her arm, and you looked back to see her rolling her eyes at your change of topic.
“Yeah, fine,” Dina sighed, sending her boyfriend a quick smile before turning back to you. “Just try and have a little bit of fun, okay?”
You didn’t budge until she pressed her hands together in a pleading gesture and added, “For me?”
Sighing, you gave a shrug of your shoulders along with a short nod. “Yeah, okay. My mission tonight is fun. Got it.”
Dina scoffed at your word choice, and you laughed as she flipped you off before moving towards her boyfriend for a dance or two.
After a moment of watching them with a fond smile, you glanced away, searching the crowds for the familiar face you had been looking for originally.
The one you had been searching for all night.
So when you caught a glimpse of those dark, graying curls, your heart skipped a beat in the same moment that your foot stepped forward.
You only managed a few steps towards him, though, before you stopped short.
Because Joel wasn’t alone.
He was talking to somebody.
Joel didn’t talk to people. Ever.
Your brow furrowed, glancing over him as he leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room, near the door. Had he just walked in? Maybe that was why you hadn’t seen him yet, if he had just arrived.
He was holding a hat against his chest—a cowboy hat? Had Ellie or Tommy managed to convince him to dress up? One of his feet was crossed and rested against his other ankle—motherfucking cowboy boots, you realized—with what could best be described as a polite smile on his face.
Which made this bizarre situation even fucking weirder.
Finally managing to tear your gaze away from that odd sight, you observed the person he was talking to. Long light brown hair that fell in waves and brown eyes the color of honey, she was beautiful, with a sweet, charming smile as she said something to Joel that made him—
You froze, watching as the familiar brown eyes crinkled at the corners, his chest moving with the laughter you could hear clearly in your mind, even as you stood from across the room.
Yeah, she’s nice. She has a great sense of humor.
Contempt would be a good way to describe how you felt in that moment.
Not towards Joel, though. Not even towards the innocent woman—because you knew she was innocent, knew that you couldn’t even blame her for what she wanted—who smiled back up at him.
No, towards yourself. Towards every feeling that stirred in your chest as it tightened. Towards your stomach as the butterflies turned to lead and it dropped to your feet.
Stupid, you thought bitterly, hating how much of a reaction it had gotten out of you.
Purely idiotic, the way you despised how they looked like such a good fit. Tommy’s words from months ago moved through your head so quickly that it began to spin with the doubts, the old fears, and you had to remind yourself that Joel hadn’t taken that out when you had offered it.
Absolutely foolish, how you wanted him to look at you instead, to somehow catch your eye across a crowded room. To see that knowing look in his eyes when you saw each other, the slight tilt of his lips into a secret smile, one that spoke to your arrangement and everything that had grown from it.
But he was looking at her, smiling at her, and you felt as ridiculous as a child, dressed in clothes far too large for her. 
Or perhaps just somebody hopeless, wearing a skin that didn’t quite fit right just to catch his eye.
Spinning on your feet, you quickly walked in the opposite direction, making a beeline for the refreshment table as you tried to ignore what you had just seen, and how unreasonably it had hurt.
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Joel held back a sigh, fingers tapping idly against the hat in his hand as he searched the crowd for just a glimpse of why he had let Ellie drag him along to this dance tonight.
He couldn’t help but feel similarly to when he had stood outside the Tipsy Bison that cold winter night almost a year ago, with the woman he hardly knew at that point standing by his side. Back then, it had been a tension, an uneasy feeling.
This time, it was most certainly self-consciousness.
He set the hat back onto his head, crossing his arms while he leaned back against the wall again. Esther approaching him was not something he had counted on tonight, but it had not been as unpleasantly awkward of an interaction as he had feared when he saw her walking up to him.
After a few kind words from her and an awkward attempt at an apology for not having the decency to contact her after one date, she brushed off his worries with a wave of her hand.
She told him that she had been seeing someone the past few months, and that Joel didn’t have to worry about running away with his tail tucked between his legs whenever he saw her. He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at that, embarrassed as to how she could tell he had been avoiding her. But what really surprised him is when she thanked him for his consideration and for trying to apologize, calling him a kind man.
Joel didn’t think he fell anywhere close into the category of being a “kind man,” but he appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.
Now he stood at the edge of the room, feeling like he was fifteen fucking years old again at a stupid, godforsaken high school dance. He groaned quietly at the thought, his arms tightening across his chest as he scanned the room from underneath the brim of the cowboy hat again.
Tommy was here somewhere, wearing a similar hat, but he was feeling less and less in the mood for these festivities the longer he stood there, foot tapping as he waited to see what he came here for.
When he finally caught that glimpse, he nearly let out a sigh of relief, pushing himself off the wall and moving around the outskirts of the room towards the refreshment table on the other side, where she had been hidden behind the crowd of dancers in the middle of the floor.
However, when he finally got a full view of what she was wearing, he stopped in his tracks, frozen at the sight of her for a moment.
Or maybe more than just a moment.
Joel’s gaze was drawn first to her feet, the sight of those same damn heels she had been wearing on her date immediately sending heat across his skin. As his gaze dragged up her bare legs to that tight red dress, his breath hitched in his throat. That heat only increased when he scanned over her face and up to the little fabric devil horns she wore on her head.
At the sight of those, Joel couldn’t help but let a small, almost goofy grin cross his face.
Well, I am the devil herself. Am I not?
Her words, her teasing answer to the remark he had accidentally let slip once, echoed in his mind. 
Once again, Joel found himself musing over how her very existence tempted him with everything he desired.
And yes, that included lust, but he was finally starting to realize, finally starting to accept that it included more.
So much more.
He cleared his throat, wiping the smile off his face quickly before heading towards where she stood next to the table at a faster pace, watching as she nibbled at a cookie in her hand. When he got close enough, and she began to turn towards him, Joel opened his mouth to speak before somebody stepped in front of him.
Stopping short, Joel stared at the back of somebody he didn’t recognize, brows furrowing as the man approached her with an air of casual confidence. 
Joel shifted back on his feet, frowning as he glanced over the man’s shoulder to her face, seeing she was focused on this newcomer before Joel quickly turned to glance over the refreshments to distract himself from whatever was happening.
The unknown man greeted her by name, sounding far too casual for Joel’s liking, and he stiffened as she returned the greeting by speaking their own name smoothly.
“Been a while,” the man said, reaching across the table to pick up a cookie from the plate next to her, and Joel’s jaw ticked.
“Yup,” she replied simply, and Joel’s frown suddenly threatened to turn into a small, smug smile as he heard how disinterested her voice sounded. “It certainly has been.”
“I’ve missed seeing you around,” the man added, and Joel stiffened, his gaze still flickering over the same few plates of refreshments as if he was considering which one to take a treat from, even as his eyes weren’t seeing what was in front of him now.
Joel waited for her to say something, to brush the man off and send him home packing.
But she said nothing.
When he dared to look back over, Joel saw the man had moved slightly closer, standing in a way where Joel could see both their faces, and he stiffened as he saw the look in that guy’s eyes.
That look was one of desire, yes, but it was more than that. The way he looked at her body wasn’t from a lust for the unknown.
No, the way that man looked at her; the indifferent, fucking irritating, smug confidence he held himself with; the knowing smirk that she leveled her own equally knowing look at in response…
Her flings. I know she’s had a few here and there.
Joel stiffened, his blood running cold as he realized that this man who had approached her was one of those flings. More than that, the way he looked at her body in such a familiar way told Joel that he had most likely seen her entire body in the throes of passion.
Something even he had not seen.
Hand tightening into a fist, Joel hadn’t even realized he had begun to step forward until a force of nature in the form of a teenage girl burst from the crowd of dancers and bounded over to the woman who was still staring back at this man in front of her.
“Hey, come on!” Dina said brightly, grabbing the hand of her role model and tugging her out onto the floor. “You promised me a dance!”
Joel watched them go until they disappeared behind the other dancers, the man a few feet away from him doing the same until shifting away with a sigh of defeat.
It was almost tempting to smirk at the sound of that, but the uncomfortable, now familiar feeling of jealousy twisted in his gut again. Joel turned back to the refreshments, searching for a drink of some kind to distract himself from the complicated emotions he now felt.
As distracted as he was, he almost didn’t recognize the presence that had settled by his side until they spoke.
“There’s no drinks here,” the smooth voice said, and Joel swore under his breath, spinning around as they added, “Family friendly event.”
Staring up at him, a brow arched in bemusement, was none other than his sister-in-law.
Joel relaxed just a fraction at the familiar face before stiffening, remembering that this was the woman who he honestly feared just a tad bit, at least more than anybody else in Jackson—other than the woman who he shared pleasure with night after night.
“Maria,” he greeted, tipping his hat towards her in greeting, which she returned with a nod.
“Joel.”
The crease between his brow did not unfurrow as Maria turned to watch the dance floor, staying by Joel’s side with her arms crossed.
It was strange, and more than a little uneasy. Maria’s opinion about him was not a secret, even as their relationship seemed to have smoothed out somewhat with their monthly family dinners. Neither of them made much effort to overcome their differences, but they did at least tolerate each other’s presence.
And despite his personal grudges that went back to his weekly radio calls with Tommy that she had stopped, Joel respected Maria. He had no doubt that she was the reason why this settlement thrived as much as it did.
So it confused him why she seemed to have sought him out now, though Joel tried to ignore his trepidation as he reached out to grab a cookie before turning out to face the dance floor as well.
Despite his best intentions, his eyes began to roam across the dancers until he saw her, spinning Dina around a distance away, the two of them grinning widely.
Joel hadn’t even realized how much he had softened at the sight until Maria spoke up again.
“She’s the most vulnerable of all of us, you know,” she said quietly, and Joel’s heart stopped as he looked down at her. “She feels so deeply, whether it’s pain or love.”
Sparing a glance back up at Joel, she added, “Or both.”
Even though Maria didn’t say a name as she looked back at the dance floor, he was afraid he knew exactly who she meant, and who she was looking at. His heart began to beat fast in his chest, eyes wider than he would have liked when Maria sent him a sidelong glance full of disapproval.
“If you don’t want anybody to know, you shouldn’t look at her like that.” The words were blunt, as well as more than a little jarring, and Joel stiffened before quickly whipping his head back around.
Fuck, he curses internally, trying to build his guards back up in that moment, even as he began to realize that it was much too late for that now.
“Does Tommy—”
“He has no idea,” Maria interrupted before Joel could even find a way to phrase the question, and when Joel’s shoulders relaxed slightly in a quiet exhale of relief, her eyes snapped to the side of his face with a glare. “He’s catching on, though. Now that he knows for certain you don’t actually hate each other, he’ll start to put it together.”
Joel turned his head to look at her straight-on, his voice as hard as his gaze as he asked, “How much do you—”
“Nothing,” she answered his question again before he could ask it, and Joel’s jaw ticked in annoyance at how much his brother’s wife could read exactly what he was thinking. Had he gotten that soft recently, or was she just that good at analyzing people?
Maybe both.
“And I don’t want to know,” Maria added, lifting a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, as if the whole situation she had figured out made her head hurt. “Listen, Joel, I don’t need the details. All I need to know is that you’ve both spent the entire night looking for each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers, and it’s starting to get on my nerves.”
Joel stiffened, the choice of words sending a jolt to his system, and he opened his mouth to argue, “It’s not—”
“Shut up,” she snapped, and Joel instantly closed his mouth, back straightening as he knew Jackson’s de facto leader was not in the mood to take any bullshit right now—or ever. “Just listen to what I have to say closely, because I’m trying to protect you both here.”
Maria paused, searching Joel’s eyes for any hint of resistance. When she seemed to find none, her shoulders set back, gaze deadly serious.
“That woman has gone through hell,” she said quietly, voice hard with conviction and no small amount of care for who they spoke of. “You didn’t see her when she got to Jackson. She was a shell of who Tommy had told me she used to be. He struggled to get her out of bed for weeks. He fought to keep her alive and well enough to keep going for months. Years.”
Her voice was rising slightly before she took a deep breath, eyes closing as she composed herself, though Joel’s heart continued to ache, his stomach sinking with each word.
When Maria’s eyes opened again, they were softer before she continued, “I’ve finally seen her becoming the best, the healthiest and happiest that she’s been in years. So if you do anything, anything, to fuck that up, know that there is no corner of this town where I won’t find you.”
As Joel watched the blaze in his sister-in-law’s eyes, he began to realize who they really should have been hiding this relationship from all along.
Relationship.
That was the first time he had thought of it in that sense, and he stiffened as the realization hit him.
“You know she’s just as likely to pull away from me, right?” Joel finally found himself saying, though his voice wasn’t argumentative. Simply stating a fact.
Because as emotionally closed off as he knew he was, he had seen first-hand how badly she self-sabotaged. She had done it on the couch when he had tried to figure out how badly she was injured after patrol, lashing out at him with bitterness even as he saw how she recoiled from her own cruelty afterwards. 
Even though she had joked that Joel may outdo her when it came to savior complexes, he was sure they both knew that wasn’t true.
“That’s why I’m coming to you,” Maria said in a low, serious tone, and Joel blinked in surprise, brow furrowing in confusion again until she explained, “She is going to push you away much harder than you do her. If you really care about this—if you really care about her—you’ll help her hold on to you instead of letting her turn away.”
Joel fell quiet, his gaze darting away from Maria and down to his boots.
His stupid fucking cowboy boots that he had also put on at Tommy’s request.
God dammit, he was really regretting coming out tonight, even as a part of him started to realize that he needed to be here. He needed to hear that, even if he couldn’t let himself process it fully in the moment.
Maria sighed, and he finally looked back up, glancing over her face as she calmed back down completely.
“Just…” she shook her head, letting out another quiet sigh, glancing back at him before finishing, “Just treat her like she deserves. Please.”
With that, she turned, leaving Joel standing there stunned, probably looking like the world’s most stupid cowboy with a cookie dangling from his hand that he had completely forgotten about.
He remained dumbfounded for a few moments longer until he eventually recomposed himself, even as his thoughts continued to run wild with new revelations and emotions.
So when he saw Ellie standing a short distance away, her arms crossed as she shifted awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, Joel relaxed considerably. He grabbed another cookie from the refreshment table before moving over to her.
“Hey, kiddo,” he greeted warmly when he settled into the space at her side, watching as she jumped before looking up at him, relaxing when she saw it was only him.
“Hey,” she responded in kind, giving him a nod that he returned before they both looked back out at the dance floor.
Joel offered one of the cookies to her wordlessly, and she took it with hardly a glance at it, the two of them simultaneously taking bites out of their cookies while they gazed out at the floor of dancers.
After a peaceful moment of quiet munching, Ellie mumbled almost too quietly for Joel to hear over the loud music coming from the band gathered in the corner, “They look happy.”
Joel knew exactly who he had been looking at, unable to tear his eyes away even after that emotionally jarring conversation with Maria. So when he looked back to Ellie to follow her gaze to whoever she was talking about, he was taken aback to realize she had her eye on them too.
The pair were still dancing happily, spinning each other across the floor with laughter so loud and cheerful that Joel could nearly hear it from where he stood on the sidelines. It made a smile threaten to twitch onto his lips, seeing a brighter smile on her face than maybe he had ever seen as she lifted a hand to twirl around Dina, the white, tulle fabric of the teenager’s matching angel costume swirling around her while they grinned and giggled.
Then Maria’s words echoed in his head, the comment of her being at her happiest in Jackson and telling him not to fuck it up, and his heart thumped with a sudden pang of fear and guilt.
“Yeah,” Joel muttered, giving a short nod before quickly looking away when he saw her gaze suddenly flicker over Dina’s head to him. 
He didn’t know how she had known he was staring—had she recognized the feeling of his eyes on her? That thought made his heart thud against his chest, and he shook his head sharply, trying—and utterly failing—to shove anything sentimental out of his head while he stared down at his boots.
Only when he felt her gaze move off of him did he look back up, unable to keep his eyes off of her for more than a few seconds as she grinned and danced, despite all the newfound trepidation in his heart as he was realizing more and more tonight than he ever could have expected to.
Eventually, he managed to pull his gaze away when he heard a quiet, almost inaudible sigh at his side. Joel looked down at Ellie, a frown tugging at his lips as he watched her arms crossed tightly over her chest, staring down at her feet much in the same way he just was doing.
It tugged at something in Joel’s heart, so he brushed the remaining crumbs from the cookie off on his jeans before holding his hand out to Ellie. When she looked up at him in confusion, he only offered the fond smile that was reserved for her alone, holding his hand out further for her to take.
“Well, no reason why we can’t have some fun, too,” he said softly, and Ellie scoffed with disbelief.
“No way,” she shook her head wildly, her ponytail swinging across her back as her arms that were crossed over her chest bunched up even tighter. “I don’t dance.”
“Oh, c’mon,” Joel chided gently, his smile growing, nudging her shoulder with his own. “I see your foot tapping when you listen to your music.”
Ellie hesitated, feet shifting as she tried to avoid his gaze, but after a moment her crossed arms fell to her sides, a heavy sigh leaving her.
“You suck,” she murmured, her hand begrudgingly landing in his with a heavy smack. 
Joel chuckled, grip tightening around her hand as they walked to an empty spot on the dance floor.
“I’m aware,” he drawled jokingly, moving his hands to hold Ellie gently but securely before he began to lead her across the floor in the steps of an easy dance.
She was stiff as a board at first, but from a few teasing words and gentle smiles from Joel, she finally began to loosen up a bit. When she did, he began to take wider steps in the dance, moving their joined hands in more exaggerated ways, earning laughter from the girl that brightened his world in a way nothing else could.
Ellie continued to laugh as he spun them both around, holding her close so they were almost hugging as he swung their arms up and down in a goofy dance that brought laughter rumbling from his own chest.
In that moment, it was all worth it; the pain, the suffering, all of it was worth it for this. Keeping Ellie safe, making her happy. This was his purpose.
He spun her around with one hand, his smile growing into a full-fledged grin as her laughter grew, and his with it. When he pulled her back to him, there was no way for him to see the scheming look she shot around his back, leaving Joel with mild confusion as Ellie leaned back, gripping both of his hands and spinning them around a few times.
So when Ellie suddenly let go, he stumbled a bit, his missteps only growing larger when another body collided right into his chest. 
By instinct, Joel reached his hands out to steady them, planting his own feet firmly against the ground so they wouldn’t both topple over. Some deep part of his subconscious mind knew who it was from the instant he felt them pressed against him; the way the body molded to fit his was achingly familiar, along with the almost sweet scent that filled his senses before they pulled back to look up at him, and he saw she was the one who had ended up in his arms.
Her surprise matched his own, and they merely blinked at each other for a moment before loud cackling and giggling nearby caught the attention of both of them. 
Joel only caught a glimpse of Dina and Ellie as they spun around together before they danced away, the matching shit-eating grins from both of the teenage girls eliciting a deep sigh from him.
The shifting in his arms brought his attention back, and he lifted one of his hands from where he had steadied her, placing it on the small of her back to pull her back to him when she began to pull away.
She looked up at him in surprise, hesitation flickering across her face as her lips parted to speak, “Joel—”
“One dance won’t kill you,” he murmured, avoiding her gaze even as his hand slid back to her waist, his other hand moving to grip her palm in a proper form for a perfectly respectful, casual dance between friends.
Who knew how much longer he could keep lying to himself about that.
Lord knows he hardly even believed it himself anymore.
He could feel her hesitate, even as he wasn’t watching her, just by the way her hand hovered in the air inches above his shoulder before finally laying on it. Joel inhaled softly through his nose as her fingers pressed against the flannel, feeling the familiar indentations of her touch even through the fabric.
Under his hand, the fabric of her dress was soft, and he couldn’t resist running his thumb up the curve of her hip just slightly. A familiar spark of desire traveled down his spine as he heard her own quiet intake of breath, a small smile threatening to flicker onto his lips as he marveled at how he could feel her body heat through the tight, red dress.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress before,” he murmured, taking steady steps through the dance as the music from the band in the corner began to slow down from the fast-paced tunes earlier.
Joel was surprised when she followed his steps without protest, realizing with something almost akin to pride that she was letting him lead her through the dance. It somehow spoke volumes as to how their relationship dynamic had changed in just under a year, and it was suddenly becoming harder and harder to keep that smile off of his face.
“Probably because I’ve never worn one,” she replied quietly, her face turned to the side when he finally looked back at her. “I hardly ever wear anything like this.”
“Skirts included?”
A soft laugh escaped her lips, her gaze moving to meet his, and there was a familiar glimmer of mirth in them that made Joel’s throat suddenly feel dry.
“Skirts included,” she affirmed, her lips tilting up into a half-smirk, half-smile, and Joel finally allowed himself to smile back at her at the sight. “Like I said, it’s a luxury.”
He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head while his thumb subconsciously stroked along the curve of her hip again. When she shivered, his smile grew, satisfied from the reaction her body gave to his simple touch. And by the way she rolled her eyes at him, he knew that she had noticed his satisfaction.
Despite what Maria had said to him, it was impossible not to fall helplessly into the familiar pull of her gravity. And maybe there was something about that conversation that made him just a bit more bold than he would have usually been.
“Well, then,” Joel drawled quietly, removing his hand from her hip for a moment to guide her into a slow, simple spin with his other hand. When he pulled her back, they were closer than before, his head moving next to hers so his mouth was conveniently near her ear so he could murmur, “Mike sure is a lucky man.”
He could almost feel her breath catch from how close their chests were to each other, her body tensing at the teasing words before she slowly relaxed when his hand in hers squeezed gently.
It was a simple gesture to reassure her, to let her know he was only joking, even as there was an undertone to the words that made Joel almost nervous to think about too deeply. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had truly heard that underlying meaning, or even felt it in the familiar, gentle pressure of their interlocked hands.
Shit, when had that started to feel so familiar?
“It wasn’t for Mike.”
Now it was Joel’s turn to lose his breath.
His heart thumped against his chest again, thankful for the way his head was next to hers so she couldn’t see the way his eyes widened at the four simple words that somehow managed to shake him completely.
He wanted to ask. 
God, he wanted to ask. 
But was that even his place?
Did he truly have any right to—
“Dina wanted to dress up,” she continued quietly, and Joel finally released the breath he had been holding, his body relaxing from how much he had tensed up without even realizing it. “She’s been so excited for this stupid dance for the past week. We’ve spent the past, like, five afternoons making these costumes.”
Joel laughed softly, turning his head just slightly so he could glance towards her from the corner of her eye, unable to help a small smile as he saw the fondness of her face as she talked about the girl.
“And the concept?” he found the words slipping from his mouth, his brow arching in a confident question even as his pulse raced nervously when her eyes finally met his again. “Was that Dina’s idea too?”
Her lower lip was pulled into her mouth for a second, teeth biting gently down on it, and Joel felt a rush of an emotion that felt dangerously close to longing as he was helpless to do anything but watch her react to his words, the temptation of his simple question.
“She had a few ideas,” she replied slowly in a hushed tone, her teeth letting go of her lip with the words, and he was mesmerized by the color that rushed to it before he looked back up, and his gaze became trapped in her own. “She wanted to match. An angel and a…devil, was one of her ideas, yeah.”
The way she hesitated before saying devil made Joel feel a bit bolder than before, his hand on her hip sliding slowly to the small of her back, his fingers spreading out across the fabric as he tugged her a bit closer.
“And you…?”
He trailed off, hoping she would understand what he wanted to ask, what he couldn’t say, and he was relieved when she did.
“I was pretty particular to that one,” she whispered, her eyes flickering between his, and Joel was lost in the way they glowed in the strands of lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling, drunk in the hazy look of something that wasn’t lust in that familiar, sharp gaze.
Joel’s lips parted, but to say what, or do what, he didn’t know. Any sound he may have started to get out quickly turned into a low growl when a voice tried to interject in their intimate conversation.
“May I—”
Joel hardly spared more than a glance towards the side to see the same man from earlier, the one who had approached his—her next to the refreshment table, and he quickly snapped, “No, you may not.”
He didn’t care to look at the man’s face any longer as he took large, determined steps in the dance until they were far away, only looking back down at her face when she let out a laugh of surprise.
“Joel,” was all she said, her eyes wide with shock that had a hint of mischievous amusement to it, and he held back a groan as his grip around her hand tightened.
“I don’t like that guy,” he muttered, brows furrowing when she laughed again. “What? I don’t.”
“Do you even know him?” she asked, her eyebrow arching when he suddenly found himself avoiding her questioning gaze.
“I—” he paused, suddenly feeling a surge of guilt at his knee-jerk reaction to keep her in his arms for just a little while longer. “I’m sorry. That was your choice to make, not mine.”
Her eyes lit up in surprise again when he looked back at her, but it quickly melted into a look akin to that warmth he caught glimpses of burning deep within her and, Lord above, he was nothing but a moth drawn to it as it was directed towards him alone in that moment.
“It was,” she responded slowly, and Joel began to shift awkwardly until her hand squeezed his shoulder gently, before sliding closer to his neck, her fingers grazing against the skin on the back of his neck that peeked above his collar, the sensation making him shiver. “But I would have said the same thing.”
Joel blinked a few times, surprised at the softness to the words before he relaxed considerably, a small smile dancing on his lips as she had one of her own hesitant, genuine smiles on her face. He felt like he could count on one hand the times he had seen that smile, but he also knew he could remember each of those moments as clear as day.
“And what about your costume?” she murmured, and Joel felt the immediate loss of her hand on the back of his neck as she moved it to tug gently at the brim of his hat. “Cowboy?”
He chuckled, the sound rumbling deeply from his chest as her voice wrapped smoothly around the familiar nickname that she had called him for months now.
“Tommy’s idea,” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulder when her hand rested on it again. “Ellie wanted to come out tonight, and when Tommy caught wind that I agreed, he strong-armed me into wearing these stupid fucking hats and boots with him.”
She laughed again, louder this time, and Joel’s smile widened at the sound of it as they slowly spun around again.
“What, you didn’t wear these all the time twenty years ago?” she teased, laughing again as Joel snorted at the insinuation.
“Not at all,” he muttered with a shake of his head. “Being from Texas doesn’t mean I was that predictable, sweetheart.”
When his own nickname for her left his lips, she glanced away, and Joel almost felt nervous at using it outside of sex until he saw the flush on her cheeks.
Suddenly, he couldn’t stop smiling, even if he had wanted to.
“So, no line-dancing for me tonight, then?” she finally asked, turning back to look at him with another smirk that was becoming so familiar, he almost recognized it as much as his own.
Joel just shook his head, though he couldn’t help but be amused at her continued teasing about that mundane, embarrassing fact about his life from before the Outbreak. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”
“Not a chance in hell,” she said lightly, reaching a hand up to tap the devil horns on her head, and he laughed quietly, both of them smiling slightly before they looked away from each other.
They fell quiet then, the silence considerably more relaxed than it was before, neither of them bothering to fill that silence with anything as they swayed in place. His fingers stroked small circles against her lower back as hers moved from his shoulder to play gently with the ends of his curls at the back of his neck, her gaze lifting back to his face before she frowned.
“You shaved,” she muttered, and Joel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the observation.
Because she was right, he had trimmed back his beard a bit before the dance tonight, as it had been growing longer in recent months, but he hadn’t been expecting her to notice.
“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, brows furrowing as her eyes continued to move over his facial hair. “I did.”
She nodded slowly, her frown not alleviating even as her gaze finally moved away, and he frowned himself as he watched her.
“Why?” he asked, wincing internally as he heard that same self-consciousness he had felt an inkling of earlier creeping into his voice. “Did I do a shitty job?”
She laughed a little then, shaking her head before she looked back. 
“No, it’s…” her words trailed off, looking away quickly again before she shrugged and muttered, “...it’s fine.”
Joel arched an eyebrow at that, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at her before he asked slowly, “What aren’t you saying?”
She shook her head again, stubbornly avoiding his gaze, even as she mumbled under her breath, “I just...you know.”
He did have a feeling—or perhaps a hope—for what she wasn’t saying, but he waited for her to admit it.
And after another moment where he continued to stare blankly at her, she huffed in annoyance, finally revealing in a sigh that nearly obscured the quiet words, “...I prefer it long.”
For the second time that night, Joel’s breath caught in his throat, watching the way her cheeks flushed again with her revelation that made his heart race. His lips parted again, but this time he finally was able to speak, her name leaving him on a breath that brought her eyes back to meet his.
But before he could say something else, the music from the band suddenly picked up again, causing dancers who had left the floor to come surging back again for more lively dancing. She looked up at him with a quiet laugh, a small, embarrassed smile on her lips as she pulled herself from his grip.
“I think you got more than one dance out of me, cowboy,” she enunciated the nickname with a wink and a pointed look up at his hat that made him return her smile with his own. “Maybe you should consider yourself lucky.”
There was something else hidden underneath the emphasis on that word, something that made him want to reach out to her, but she was already moving back out towards the edge of the floor.
But not before he could catch up to her, walking by her side so he could murmur under his breath, “Tonight?”
Joel dared a quick glance from the corner of his eye to see her bite her lip, a familiar smile of anticipation at his insinuation threatening to break through as she hummed out, “Mhm.”
He didn’t say anything else as he broke off from her, heading in the opposite direction to try and distract himself from how badly he wanted to whisk her away right then and there.
The dead of night would have to do.
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You were surprised by how quickly Joel opened the door when you knocked later that night.
“Hey,” he greeted on an exhale, his hand finding your hip and tugging you into the house, his other hand closing the door behind you before you could even begin to form a response.
Without another word, his hands began to slide up your sides and around your back, tugging you against him as he explored your curves through the tight fabric of the dress you were still wearing. You had suspected he liked it, judging by the way he kept subtly stroking your hip and back during your dance, so you had kept it on for your midnight call.
When his mouth found your ear, you knew what he was going to ask before he even started to whisper, “How do you want me?”
Even as he spoke to you, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had held you tonight as you danced together, along with the way he had looked at you. Any strange form of jealousy—because that’s what it truly was, jealousy, you couldn’t deny it even if you tried—that you had felt when he was talking to Esther quickly disappeared when he kept smiling at you as he led you across the dance floor.
But that didn’t mean you didn’t want to stake your own claim on him now, just like he had already done to you, even if neither of you had talked about it since. Especially after you had seen a resurgence of his own jealousy tonight, when he had denied the request for a dance with you from the man you had once had a one-night stand with. It had brought the memory of his possessiveness to the forefront of your mind, and you wanted more.
You were desperate for more slips of the mask Joel held so carefully in place, feverish for more glimpses of the man underneath all those carefully constructed walls.
So when your mouth opened, you didn’t give yourself a moment to think twice about it before you whispered, “Bed.”
Joel froze, and you almost regretted your boldness before his body relaxed under your hands. He leaned back, his hand finding yours to tug you after him, leading you up the staircase as your heart started to beat faster and faster at the familiar, lustful intent in his dark eyes.
After nudging the door open with his foot, he pulled you in after him, flicking the lights off to send you both into darkness. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, letting the moonlight filtering through the curtains on his large windows help you not to stumble as he continued to guide you to the bed.
When he began to turn, you placed your hands on his chest, stopping him from whatever he was intending to do. Your fingers moved back to the buttons on his flannel, undoing the first few and making Joel’s breath catch in his throat, his mouth opening before that breath stuttered back out when your hand slid underneath his shirt to caress his collarbone.
He whispered your name, the sound half-warning, half-lusting, and you smirked against his skin from where you pressed your lips to his jaw. His recently trimmed facial hair tickled your lips, and you hummed in satisfaction from the sensation as you kissed down his neck, relishing in the way his breathing continued to come out in short bursts at your actions.
“I won’t take it off,” you murmured, leaning back up to bump your nose against the curve of his jaw as he grabbed your hips tightly. “Just a little bit…”
This close to him, you could almost feel his breath catch in his throat more than you heard it, and you pulled back slightly, tilting your head back to meet his gaze before you whispered, “That okay with you?”
The words were soft, because you always wanted him to be okay with whatever you did, just as he had always sought your own consent, from the very first encounter you both had in your kitchen.
Joel’s eyes searched yours, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow before he murmured, “Yes, ma’am.”
His submission sent desire shooting straight to your core, your pussy throbbing as you tugged at the next few buttons on his flannel until the upper part of his torso was revealed to you. Your hands spread across his hot skin that was available, a moan catching in the back of your throat from the feeling of the muscles that were reasonably toned from a life of survival.
There were also hints of a soft stomach below, your fingertips barely grazing it with the flannel still partially buttoned. It was a sign of the comfort of his life in Jackson that made you smile to yourself.
You leaned in to press an open-mouthed kiss to his collarbone, teeth grazing against it before you licked across his skin, drawing a quiet moan from him before your mouth continued to move down his chest. Your hands trailed over the rest of his flannel, leaving the remaining buttons untouched until your fingers hooked around a loop in his jeans, your other palm pressing against the erection that was already straining against his pants. You smirked against his skin when you heard him grunt before dropping to your knees.
Joel mumbled your name, his voice sounding shocked even in its deeper, rougher state from his desire, before he grunted again, louder this time when you mouthed over the bulge in his jeans. You let your saliva soak the fabric, your tongue putting pressure against his clothed erection. His hand grabbed your hair at the sensation, keeping you close as his other hand found your shoulder to steady himself.
“Fuck,” Joel gasped, and you smiled against the fabric when he tugged gently at your hair. “Take them off.”
You looked up at him through your eyelashes, and he groaned when his gaze met yours, your mouth still pressed to the erection in his pants before you pulled back to murmur, “Manners, Joel. Be a good Southern gentleman for me.”
His lips parted, a whine so quiet that you almost wondered if you had imagined it leaving them before he whispered, “Please, darlin’.”
A quiet chuckle left you at the way his accent sounded sharper around the term at your teasing, and you realized once again that he really did get off on oral.
“Good,” you whispered, the loud sound of his zipper echoing in the room as you pulled it down, followed by his pants hitting the floor, then his boxers so his cock was finally freed.
You watched it spring to attention, fully hard, a lustful breath of anticipation leaving your lips to fan against it. The sound of his breath hitching only made you more desperate, your tongue flicking out to lick over the head of his cock as a test.
When he grunted loudly, louder than any sounds of pleasure you had heard from him before, any further hesitation went flying out the window as you wrapped your lips around him and began to suck.
“Jesus—”
Joel gasped, his fingers tangling in your hair as your tongue swirled around his dick, alternating licking and sucking while you listened for any audible cues to what he liked best. From what you could tell, though, it seemed like he liked everything you did, and you hummed in satisfaction around him.
You continued to take him deeper into your mouth, your hand wrapping around his base to stroke him in time to your tongue and lips. There were tears forming in your eyes, but you didn’t care, looking back up at him when he groaned again to see he was watching you intently while you sucked him off.
“God, you look so good like this,” he muttered, his voice thick and hoarse from the blowjob you were giving him, and you pumped him faster, tongue flattening against his cock, cheeks hollowing as you sucked so hard he nearly bucked into your mouth, but he just barely held himself back. “Fuck, yes. Just like that, sweetheart.”
You moaned around him at the praise, feeling your panties growing damp with your own desire as his own moan echoed yours. Joel’s hips began to rock gently with the movement of your strokes, rolling a bit farther in and out of your mouth, unable to hold himself back as much as you could tell his high was fast approaching, even as he let you continue to lead.
When you felt him twitch in your mouth, his fingers tugged at your hair again, a bit harder than before, but not painful as he grunted, “Fuck, I’m—shit, wait, I’m gonna cum. I—”
Pulling your mouth off of him with a wet pop, you listened with satisfaction as Joel groaned in a mix of relief and disappointment that you hadn’t brought him to release yet.
“You got there fast,” you muttered hoarsely, reaching a thumb up to wipe across where your lipstick had surely smeared across your mouth from sucking his dick, which Joel watched with a needy gaze, his dick twitching in the air in front of your face again.
“Shut up,” he murmured, his face flushed and hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead from the high that had been approaching him, and you couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle of contentment at his reactions to your mouth before you pushed yourself back to your feet.
“Lay back,” you whisper, placing a hand on his chest to gently push him back towards the bed behind him. 
It wasn’t nearly hard enough to actually make him fall, but he sat quickly enough anyway, watching you with clear anticipation as you kicked your heels off before climbing onto the bed after him when he laid back, crawling up over his body until you were straddling him. Joel’s hands hovered above your thighs, fingers hesitantly grazing your skin that was showing from where your dress had ridden up, until you gave him a nod. 
At your silent okay, he slowly grabbed your thighs, his rough palms and thick fingers surrounding your skin and making you hum in approval. When his thumb stroked against one of your thighs, you glanced down, realizing that he was drawing a path along the scar that the hunters had left on you.
It was the injury he had helped treat, the moment you had admitted that this was more than you could have ever expected, and you let out a shaky sigh as your hands pressed to his chest. One of them slid underneath his shirt until your own palm was resting over Joel’s injury that you had treated yourself, fingers stroking along the feeling of the healed scars that the gashes had left.
You could feel the way Joel’s breath caught this time from the way his torso froze momentarily before he relaxed under your touch. His hand that wasn’t stroking along your scar slipped up under his shirt, finding yours from where it rested over his scars as his eyes met yours, gaze searching for you didn’t know what.
“Do you want to see it?” he murmured, and your heart pounded in your chest, eyes widening as you heard the underlying meaning to that seemingly inconsequential question.
Do you want to see me?
There may have been hesitation in your mind, but your body responded instantly, your head tilting in a nod that was all Joel needed to see before his hands lifted to rip at the remaining buttons on his flannel, tossing the ruined fabric to the side of the bed.
His eagerness to remove the shirt could have made you laugh if you weren’t so captivated by the sight of his body completely naked for the first time. You let your eyes roam across his torso, fingers spreading through the hair on his chest and following the occasional scar until you grazed your touch over the old, healed wound you had patched up in his bathroom.
“It looks better,” you murmured, tracing each of the thin scars the long gashes had left, listening to the way Joel’s breath stuttered each time you moved to a new one.
“Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely, his hands finding both of your thighs again, fingers trailing up under your dress. “Thanks to you.”
You expected his hands to stop at your panties, but they kept going up, his rough touch skimming across your lower stomach, making you shiver.
His touch stopped around your ribs, fingers dancing around that area, brows furrowed as he gazed at where your dress still covered most of your body. For a moment you thought he was trying to find the patch of your skin that had been covered by a bruise until recently, but his hand that was searching was on the opposite side of where the mark had been.
Then you realized with a start what Joel was trying to find with his hands alone.
Your tattoo.
Fuck, you didn’t even think he remembered that it was there. The only time he had caught a real glimpse of it was so long ago, when you could still hardly stand being in the same room as each other. 
But it was clear that he was looking for it now, fingers running across your skin as if he could feel the ink on your skin, and a heavy breath left you with words that you could hardly even reconsider, let alone stop as you asked, “Do you want to see it?”
Joel’s hands stopped in their fruitless search, his gaze meeting yours as he searched your eyes for something once again. After a moment of tense silence where you were almost certain you were both holding your breaths, he nodded, and you exhaled shakily as your hands reached down to grab the hem of your dress.
You pulled the tight fabric up, shimmying out of it until it was over your head, throwing it to the ground beside the bed to be forgotten. With your hair now messed up and makeup for the party completely ruined from sucking his dick, you were sure you must have been quite a sight, but Joel gazed up at you as if you were made of the beams of moonlight that streamed through the curtains and lit up the darkness of the bedroom while you explored each other’s bodies.
His gaze was moving all over your body, eyeing the bra that still covered your breasts before looking back down at your abdomen that he could now see. One of his large hands curled around your curves, his thumb brushing against the ink of the tattoo, and your eyelids fluttered from the soft touch as you suddenly realized that you wanted Joel to know you.
All of you, in a way nobody else ever had.
Spurred on by the gentle heat in his eyes as he continued to glance over your body, you reached your hands up behind your back, unsnapping the hook of your bra and relishing in the way Joel’s eyes widened, his lips parting at the sound.
Letting the anticipation hang in the air for a moment, your eyes remained locked with his, searching for any sign that he wasn’t okay with this step. When his tongue darted out to lick his lips, followed by a quick nod of his head, you slid the straps off your shoulders before finally letting the fabric fall from your chest, tossing it to the ground to join your dress.
The groan that left Joel’s lips when he finally saw you naked for the first time was completely unabashed, and you blinked rapidly as he suddenly shot up, sitting up straight as his hands slid from your hips up to your sides.
Before he could reach the new area of your exposed skin, he paused, eyes meeting yours to seek permission. At how wide and nearly desperate his deep brown gaze was, you nodded quickly, a sigh of absolute pleasure leaving your lips when he gripped your back, pulling you towards him as his mouth descended upon the swell of one of your breasts.
He pressed fast, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of it until his tongue flicked out over your nipple, and you gasped, hands finding his hair to tangle in the strands when he lapped it into his mouth to suck on it.
“Oh, god,” you whispered, back arching to press your breasts further against his face, moaning as he hummed in approval around your sensitive nipple that was still in his mouth. “That fucking mouth is too talented for your own good, cowboy.”
Joel chuckled against your breast before his tongue continued to swirl around the stiffened peak, his hand finding your other breast. He cupped it gently for a moment, thumb stroking along your nipple before he began to palm it, harder and faster as you continued to moan from the sensation.
When your nipple left his mouth with a wet pop, you hardly had a moment to breathe before he switched to the other one, giving it the same attention he had given the first one as his other hand moved to palm your wet breast until you were going crazy from the sensation.
You shifted until your hips found his as he lavished your chest, the damp fabric of your panties pressing against his hard dick so you could grind against it. The sensation elicited moans from both of you, his hands flying down to your hips to hold you steady as you slowly began to grind against him.
“Perfect,” Joel gasped when his mouth finally left your chest, his head tilting back, meeting your dark gaze with one of his own as your hand cupped the back of his neck, keeping your gazes locked as you continued to grind against him. “Perfect fucking tits, I knew it. Just like I imagined.”
Your eyelashes fluttered, whining from the admission that he had imagined how you would look like this. Unable to take it any longer, you grabbed his hand, wrapping his fingers around the banding of your panties before you ordered, “Tear them off.”
Joel didn’t need to hear anything else, his grip tightening on the fabric before he tore it from your skin. It fell from his hand on the edge of the bed, his hands moving back to grip your ass as you lifted your hips, your hand finding his cock that was still wet from your mouth earlier as well as your arousal that had soaked through your panties when you were grinding against him.
When the head of his cock pushed through your folds and you began to sink down onto him, you whimpered, the loud sound followed by his own long, low groan of approval at finally being joined like this, with your bodies completely naked and pressed together. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, grabbing him as your head tilted back from the intensity of him filling you up until he was completely bottomed out.
You took a moment to breathe, your pussy adjusting to him as his hands moved back to your hips. His thumb found the edge of the scar on your thigh again, stroking along it as he smothered a sigh of satisfaction into your neck, and you exhaled heavily before you lifted yourself up a few inches to take him in completely again.
Joel groaned against your skin, and your hands gripped his shoulders, using the position as leverage while you started to move up and down, lost in the way his dick felt rolling in and out of you. He leaned back, his hands on your hips holding you steady as he glanced over your body while you rode him.
Another moan left his mouth as his gaze fixed on the way your breasts bounced with your movements, his lips parting as he mumbled, “Fuck, you look so perfect, naked and riding my cock. Better than I could ever dream.”
You whined, shifting so your body was pressing against his again, arms wrapping around his neck while you traded bouncing on his dick to rolling your hips. A loud moan left your parted lips, joining the sounds of his bed creaking from your fucking that had started to fill the air, desperately grinding against him when you found the right position for friction against your clit.
“Oh sweet God,” Joel whispered, his lips finding your neck, burying his words against your skin as your pleasure continued to build. “Keep going, darling. You take me so well.”
Fingernails digging into his shoulders, you couldn’t help but moan louder and louder, the pressure inside your lower stomach building until it finally burst, an orgasm making your walls tighten around Joel’s dick that was still buried deep inside of you. The sensation earned a grunt and a weak thrust from him before he stilled himself, his thumb continuing to stroke against your thigh as he kept murmuring words of praise into your skin.
“So fucking good,” he whispered hoarsely, his tongue licking up the sweat on your neck as he groaned, “Feels so fucking good when your pussy clenches around my cock like that, darlin’. Can’t ever get tired of you coming when I’m inside of you.”
“Joel,” you whimpered, hands grabbing for purchase on him, and his hand that wasn’t on your thigh reached up to spread against your back, pressing you securely to him.
“I’m here, sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing kisses up your neck to your jaw. “Take your time.”
You did take your time, continuing to grind your clit against his lower stomach until you came two, three times in total with his hard dick still inside of you. Joel grunted each time you climaxed, his grip tightening on you, voice hoarse and strained as he continued to talk you through each orgasm.
When you felt his fingers begin to tremble, his breath coming out through heavy pants, you finally took mercy on him. Even after the string of your orgasms, you steadied your grip on his shoulders, leaning back to begin to bounce on him again, earning a loud groan from Joel as you watched his head toss back from your movements.
Your hand curled around the back of his neck, fingers dancing along his skin as you watched his eyes squeeze shut, his face contorted in pleasure while you rode him faster, harder than you had before, with the intent now to finally make him cum. 
His lips parted, fast, heavy pants leaving them as one of his hands left your hips to place on the bed behind him. Joel’s other hand gripped your hip tightly as he began to thrust upwards, meeting your movements until you were truly moving as one.
“Look at you,” you whispered on a breath, your thumb brushing against his bottom lip, earning a moan from Joel that turned into quiet whimpering as he started to buck up into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin joining the creaking of the wooden bedframe. “I may have been yours before, but you’re mine tonight, Joel. Do you understand?”
His eyes flashed open at your words, pupils blown wide with desire as his gaze met yours with a harsh exhale of, “Yes, ma’am.”
You nodded in satisfaction, panting from exertion as you moved even faster, earning a loud groan from him as you leaned forward to whisper, “Cum for me now, Joel.”
“Fuck!” he gasped, not needing to hear another word as he slipped out of you, pulling your body forward to press tightly against his, his cock twitching as he rutted against your stomach before his release coated your skin and his from where you were pressed together.
Joel kept you clutched to him, your naked chests pressed together as you both panted heavily, coming down from your highs and exertion. You didn’t complain about the close contact, your fingers lazily twisting through the curls at the back of his neck as you murmured praise into his ear to gently bring him down from the intensity of his orgasm.
When his grip on you finally slackened, you slipped from his lap onto the bed, falling onto your back at the same moment he did.
“Jesus, you’re…” Joel’s voice was hoarse as he trailed off, clearing his throat before he finished, “you’re really good at…”
You laughed breathlessly as you glanced at him from the corner of your eye, watching him struggle to find the words before offering, “Riding cowboys?”
Now it was his turn to laugh, a low, throaty chuckle that made you bite your lip as his head turned to meet your gaze.
“Maybe that’s my true secret talent,” you teased breathlessly, earning another laugh from him, a smile growing on your face as he shook his head in amused disbelief. 
“Well,” he sighed heavily, pushing himself up and shooting you a smirk that you couldn’t help but smile even wider at, “I’m not complaining.”
That smile faltered as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking softly, “Where are you going?”
Joel looked back at you, his eyes softening, reaching out to squeeze your knee gently before pushing himself to his feet. “Taking care of you.”
The simple sentence caused a flutter in your chest, an undeniable warmth blossoming through you from head to toe that you couldn’t resist but sink into. You sighed, allowing yourself to relax back into the bed, unable to stop a quiet laugh as he stumbled slightly with a muttered curse when his legs shook. It was laughter that only grew when he mumbled for you to shut up.
It was impossible to keep your eyes open, too lost in the blissful haze that only multiple orgasms could provide. When you heard Joel return, you didn’t bother to move as the warm washcloth pressed to your legs and stomach, letting him clean you up as gently as he always did, even as his hands began to wander across your skin more than they usually did during his aftercare.
There was no part of you that was complaining as the washcloth on your thigh was replaced by Joel’s fingers as he stroked your scar before moving up to trace the outlines of your tattoo. It made you shiver, a hum leaving your lips at the pleasant feeling of him touching you so softly after how greedy you had been for each other’s bodies.
After a moment, you heard him stand back up and move into the bathroom before coming back. The bed dipped under his weight when he laid down beside you, but your eyes were too heavy now to reopen. Your breathing began to even out, unable to resist the call of sleep for much longer.
“Just…” you mumbled, your head lifting as your hands subconsciously found a pillow to pull down and rest your cheek against. “Gimme a…”
At the familiar feeling of callused fingers brushing against your cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind your ears, you hummed softly, a small smile pulling on your lips that you couldn’t hide that close to falling asleep.
“Take your time,” the familiar, deep voice assured you again, and any remaining tension seeped from your body at the sound of it.
Those same long, rough fingers that had contributed to the death of dozens of men—if not even more—brushed against the back of your cheek for a moment. The sleepy smile on your face grew, the comforting touch drawing you deeper into a half-asleep state, until the hand shifted so the palm laid directly against your cheek.
It cupped your face so gently, so perfectly, that you couldn’t help but sink further into the pillow in an overwhelming sense of comfort and ease.
Your lips parted to say something, maybe to whisper a name, his name, but only a soft breath escaped you as the thumb carefully stroking along the small scar on your cheek pulled you gently into a blissfully dreamless sleep.
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bluespiritshonour · 4 months ago
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I started Reckoning of Roku against better judgement and I have to say: does ATLA want me to suspend my disbelief a la monarchy or not?
Like, Zuko being crowned Fire Lord was considered to be a good ending—whereas through real world logic, toppling the monarchy would've actually been more egalitarian.
So I've always suspended my disbelief with regards to that—and now Gyatso actually confronts Roku about it. He also says there have never been female Fire Lords and how the word Fire Lord is inherently masculine (so Izumi becoming Fire Lord is actually very real world equivalent of, say, a woman becoming chairman/woman).
But I'm just really hung up about the monarchy aspect of it: because if we were to apply real world logic to it a traumatised 16 yo being crowned a monarch of a post-war nation that should (again, realistically speaking) take years to stabilize is tragic, not happy.
But if I do apply real world logic to ATLA world as Reckoning of Roku wants me to?—then I'd say I LOVE GYATSO!!! HE'S A RIOT!!!YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE WHERE AANG GOT HIS SASS FROM!!!
And everything Gyatso says about class difference and autocratic governments is so correct and valid of him.
He served cunt.
Also, the Air Nomads being accepting of gender fluidity? Amazing.
While I still think gender segregation of the temples wasn't a good thing let's get this straight: victims don't have to be perfect. We can consider it a flaw of Air Nomad society, that is no justification for Sozin going genocidal on them!!! And you know that's not the reason he did for duh 😒 (as if anyone colonises anyone because tHey'Re bAckWArd) It's very similar to how South Asia has a gender segregation culture, but we have very rich trans history. Which, again, in no way means we're free of transphobia. (Although Air Nomads do not feel transphobic from the text) It's nuanced.
As for Fire Nation culture being so militaristic at this point. It makes sense. (I wish I had read Kyoshi novels first so I'd know what Fire Nation was like during her and Rangi's time, especially because ATLA tried to hammer in how Fire Nation has lost a lot of its real essence to imperialism too).
My reading of this is: Sozin didn't just wake up one day and decided to colonise the world. It must have happened gradually, especially the cultural shift. Roku lived on the precipice of the war. He was the reason it didn't break out even earlier. So it makes sense that we see these tendencies in the Fire Nation already: political atmosphere was already shifting. Gyatso sees it too and he doesn't like it. Remember how the Air Nomad council was debating whether to tell Aang he's the Avatar?
Because they anticipated a war was coming.
Another complain I have is Gyatso using language that, say, in a few years Fire Nation is going to use for Air Nomads after they genocided them. Words like ‘backward’ and all. Because everything Gyatso means to say is RIGHT—making him use that language was a wrong writing choice.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months ago
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AITA for making a joke about colors?
(This is in no way going to go the direction you think it will)
I (17F, though I was 16 during the time of this) used to have an online friend (23F) who I was really close with for about a year or two, and we'd talk and roleplay about a lot of stuff. Generally, our interests in most stuff aligned, and it was just great! I felt really happy having someone who would talk to me regularly, and there was a total lack of drama.
But the issue started when I noticed how she was lacking in responses in regards to /my/ ideas that involved /my/ characters, yet sent me really long (and, I'll be honest, stupid and ooc) plot ideas with her own characters. She never seemed to really give me any kind of reaction to my excited rambles about an idea. And I'll mention this here, I have ADHD. It's not like I was constantly spamming her, but whenever I sent ideas, she'd just be like "that's cool" or "do what you want". I really felt like she wasn't contributing to anything unless it was about HER. She'd even send completely horrible ideas like (this is just a random example of MANY things that irritated me) "what if my male human oc had a kid with your vampire oc and had to drink blood to sustain the child but refused to because he's a vegetarian?" And I was just like. Why are you so content with letting a literal baby die for the sake of oooh meat Bad™.
And after a while and a bit of arguments here and there, she also (though she claims it was unintentional) dismissed or put down my interests. We talked about ocs in love, I mentioned the Titanic dancing scene, and she immediately goes "I don't know about that, but Titanic sucked as a movie". I randomly mention that I've got back into Gravity Falls and ask her if she's seen it, and she says "No, and the only things I have was that girl being annoying." I inquire if she knows Captain Underpants, and when she says no, asks if she's interested in getting into it, to which she demands, "What is this about? Are you trying to get me to voice my issues so I can upset you and you can get mad at me?" As if the previous instances of HER putting down MY interests was ME GOADING HER INTO IT! Seriously, I can't even.
There were other issues that are equally as ridiculous and mainly involve me being just slightly childishly naive and her turning it into a Full. Blown. Fucking. Fight. And it wasn't even two-sided! I was never really ever mad. It was literally just her stupid anxiety and overthinking ruining our friendship. She often also tried to express how much she hated herself and demanded things like "am I being manipulative? Am I toxic? Does everyone hate me?" during these times, which was very frustrating, because she WAS being toxic, but due to her depressive tendencies, I couldn't even say that because she'd go off and do something dumb like harm herself. And like... I do believe people start to greatly mature in their late teens, but they ARE still teens. And I was 16. I couldn't understand why someone in their twenties was being more immature and stupid than me!
Anyway, our 2-year-long friendship slipped into the trash bag when one of our mutual friends posted "hi" and she (the Bad friend) replied "hi" with red, white, and blue hearts. Jokingly, I responded, "FRENCH HEARTS!" and she said "Dutch hearts." To which I said, "do u know how many flags r red white and blue".
She messaged another of our friends (who, may I add, is closer to ME and therefore told ME all about THIS HOE'S insane rants) and started raving in all caps about (and I directly quote) "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ATTITUDE?!?!" Like, are you kidding me? That's your response to a lighthearted joke? To express dramatics and claim I was being an "asshole"? After I heard she said that to our friend, I blocked her on my main, and she proceeded to block all my accounts from all her accounts. And when she dm'd another of our mutual friends asking, the mutual calmly replied that she had acted immature. And then she had the audacity to go and say "it's actually you being immature because you only listened to one side of the story !!1!1!"
Like, girl, how do you expect me to have sympathy for your "tendencies" and "fear of abandonment" when you're the one pushing people away? I once implied she ought to get diagnosed for autism, because her lack of understanding things and how to not upset people in convos was really upsetting.
Sorry if this is bad. Idk guys. AITA?
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albatris · 11 months ago
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Since it's come to my attention a lot of folks don't know ATDAO....... here's an intro post :3c
All the Doors are Open! A funky lil sci-fi-ish, fantasy-ish, horror-ish tale about some South Australian kids going about their daily lives... oh, and also reality is collapsing and cracks between universes called Ports are appearing, letting otherworldly energy leak through and wreak havoc.
Four plotlines intertwine into one big stupid plotline, n the key players are as follows:
Tris Greer, panic attack in human form, who just witnessed a freak car accident that somehow caused his older brother to blip out of existence. The relevant authorities prove supremely unhelpful, so he takes it upon himself to find the truth and bring his brother home, even if it means a daring trip into an unstable air bubble between dimensions - a task easier said than done when he’s anxious enough just leaving the house.
Yun Sung-won, edgy intimidating badass hiding nooo insecurities or trauma whatsoever, who can suddenly bend and break the reality around her the same way Ports do. The shiny new destructive powers might be kinda cool - if the crack in reality inside her wasn’t chaotically deteriorating... and if she didn’t work for the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities, whose whole shtick is eliminating dangerous interdimensional energies.
Shara Aleng, conspiracy enthusiast and amateur paranormal investigator, who's new in town and on a mission. She's been able to see cracks in reality no one else notices since she was a kid, and, armed with just a handheld radio, she's mapping interdimensional fault lines and hunting down the source of the apocalypse.
Kai Lancaster, peddler of haunted antiques and mender of cracks in reality, who went to investigate an abandoned house for an hour and emerged to find seven years had passed. They're now grappling with the emotional and social repercussions of their trip out of time, having been tossed into a life that's moved on without them. And how can they try and re-enter their family's lives when their family has spent seven years grieving them and fighting to get back to any sense of normality?
Anyway. It's a cheesy power of friendship story about the human capacity for kindness and connection! It’s also full of horrifying things that will make your skin crawl <3 We got existential horror, we got body horror, we got cosmic horror... we got love and courage and joy in the face of despair! Also, we got mentally ill heroes, including one with psychosis and one with a dissociative disorder, whose experiences are never demonised or used as cheap plot twists :3
Here is the them:
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I'm not posting much about it at the moment but it's my longest-standing WIP and very close to my heart :D I've been working on some version of it since I was 16! Lemme know at any time if you wanna be added to the tag list~ I can't guarantee I'll work on it soon but I CAN guarantee I'll work on it sometime!
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gildeddlily · 1 year ago
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I need more content about Chuuya. like, Soukoku is the bsd couple with more works on Ao3, the most loved of the whole fandom, there are over 20 thousand fanfictions. there are tons of edits and AMV about him on tiktok and youtube, tons of x reader and fanarts. but it's (almost) always the sweet and a little dumb Chuuya.
Chuuya who's in love with Dazai and is begging him not to leave, who's mad at him for leaving the fricking mafia and "abandoning him", who's crying about being the second choice for everyone (fuck that, especially the "kouyou chose kyouka over chuuya"- you're telling me she chose to protect a 14ys girl over a 22ys man who's a mafia executive? oh sorry she should have left the child alone my bad), who is constantly manipulated by Dazai and betrayed (and content like this is made by people who love Dazai but don't understand him one bit- like yeah he manipulated the Sheep into betraying Chuuya but the Sheep were fucking assholes who didn't deserve Chuuya, and Dazai treated him fucking better than them- don't let me get started ab them or I'll never stop), feminized Chuuya, short and skinny Chuuya who likes to be the little spoon cause Dazai is the big strong man, lonely Chuuya who doesn't have anyone and basically dumb Chuuya who doesn't understand Dazai and cries to his sleep ab him.
fuck no, and I've been reposting every post that talks ab this. we want more Stormbringer Chuuya, and we don't have him 'cause not everyone has access to the novel or wants to read it. but Stormbringer is my Bible and should be everyone's.
We want more 15 years old Chuuya who carried on his shoulder a whole organization, the same organization that treated him like a damned dog, who got betrayed by the people he was sacrificing himself for the moment he tried to do something for himself, who was tricked into joining the Port Mafia (an organization he hated), who's easily read and manipulated and is aware of it, who never gave up on his humanity and worked hard and became important and strong for his new organization in a year as a teenager, who was able to made Dazai survive, giving him some sort of will to live, after like days of knowing him.
We want constantly dehumanized 16 Chuuya that got tortured for hours, that found out about his terrible origins and past, who sacrificed fondamental information about himself to save Yokohama, that almost got himself killed protecting the same person who betrayed him and fought his "brother" in order to do so, that lose the friends he called family and the only chance he had to have a life outside the mafia. Desperate because of his family's death Chuuya, in his painful corrupted form Chuuya, putting his life in Dazai's hands Chuuya, the one who beated the King of Assassins Chuuya, the one who was able to destroy an entire organization with his partner Chuuya. Port Mafia Executive Chuuya, who became who he was because of himself and with Dazai's help, who was able to become stronger even without him. Chuuya who suffered because of Dazai's deflection but understood it.
22 Chuuya who met his ex-partner after four years, stronger than how Dazai remembered him and still able to surprise (Dazai's "how fast!" when Chuuya punched him was hilarious and empowering, especially after his "I know all your moves" talk- and no, we "heard" his thoughts, so it wasn't an act stop saying that he had predicted that too when chuuya's like one of the only ppl able to surprise him) one of the smartest people in their country, who made sure things didn't change between them and made said smart and manipulative man cry from laughing over his damned rich girl impression. Chuuya who is the best martial artist and probably strongest ability user (Q is a child, and his "fight" with Steinbeck said a lot about his strength- crazy yes, but Chuuya could still beat almost everyone even without his ability) in the mafia, who could probably smash a wall with and without For The Tainted Sorrow. The Chuuya who's able to survive in a world surrounded by geniuses who constantly try to manipulate him (Dazai's manipulation is different than Fyodor's shut up), and able to be one of the most influential man in Yokohama without being a freaking genius.
Chuuya who has one of the best character developments I've ever read. Chuuya who has about him a lot of information (more than anyone else, we know you love him Asagiri) (please don't love him the way you loved Odasaku) and still gets mischaracterized again and again. this is an infodump ab what Chuuya means to me.
send ao3 links ty
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edapparently · 1 year ago
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James Somerton Sucks For Many Reasons. But Also His Opinion On Heartstopper...
Ok so I was watching Todd in the Shadows' video on fact-checking James Somerton's vids (of course after having watched Hbomberguy's video). And a clip played of James lying (again) about straight white women complaining about a gay show. Except he mentions at the end of the sentence that these supposed people were "exposed to gay content for the first time in their lives via Heartstopper".
19:18 - https://youtu.be/A6_LW1PkmnY?t=1158
Now idk if that was supposed to be a joke or if that reflects any of his actual opinions on it (it's not like he's known for telling the truth anyway now tho)
But I'd just like to say anyway [this ties back into James I swear just bear with me]
I'm 18 years old now and I'm still dealing with issues cause by the homophobia I experienced in high school. And one of the few things that got me through it was when I got the first volume of Hearstopper when I was 16. And that actually was MY first real exposer to properly gay content. ME. Another gay boy. Not a straight woman.
And not only that, but it was the first time that I took in a piece of media and could honestly say "I see myself in this"
It was the first time I felt really seen and felt like I had my issues understood. And even as I've gotten slightly older through the two years, they've still been able to help me.
My friends will know that I've been struggling a lot with certain mental health issues that affect my physical health too. And I only realised how bad my problem really is and how much its been affecting me when I read volumes 3 and 4 and saw Charlie dealing with almost the exact same problem. I had been in such denial about it and worrying that it wasn't even real that I hadn't even considered it. But reading about him suffering from and eventually admitting to his problem and trying to get help made me think about what I had been experiencing. And gave me some perspective as to what exactly was happening in head and to my body.
The reason I'm saying all this is because I'm trying to show that these books about gay teenagers are REALLY good at portraying the experiences of gay teenagers. (At least based on my own personal life, Ik it could be very different for others and that's still valid) and they made me understand that what I had been through and am still dealing with because of that; are not isolated incidents and that I am not alone.
And James... someone who tried to give off the impression that he knows a lot about queer culture. Used it as an example of mindless romance fluff...
Which I think shows:
His lack of understanding of what it is actually like growing up as a gay boy in our current time. (Again, not trying to speak for everyone but it's very accurate to my own life)
And
2. His unwillingness/disinterest to look into what the books actually contain and how readers may respond to it.
[Also I just realised after typing all this that he could have meant the Netflix show, which imo wasn't as good but I think my point still stands?]
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fionapplespiano · 5 months ago
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Tom Brevoort's whole "Scott and Jean having kids will age them" thing is kinda unfounded. (an analysis)
First of all, Tom Brevoort has stated that he believes that Scott and Jean are 28 years old, the same age as Peter Parker.
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However, using the rule that four years our time is one year in the marvel universe, that claim simply isn't true. Scott and Jean debuted a little over 60 years ago, when they were 15-16 years old. 60 divided by 4 equals 15, so 16 + 15 means they are 31 years old as of right now.
But it should be noted that it was said that Jean was 24 years old when she died during the Dark Phoenix Saga, which was 44 years ago. 44 divided by 4 equals 11, so by that metric, Scott and Jean are 35.
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So, Scott and Jean are NOT 28 years old, they're most likely somewhere between 31 and 35 years old in the current cannon.
Regardless of where you stand with their ages, one thing we can all agree on is that they are canonically older than Cannonball and Jubilee. And yet, they both have kids...
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I mean, yeah, having a kid ages them a bit. But that's because they aren't in their 20s anymore? They were the first X-Men, so they're older than most of the other X-Men.
Also, they already kinda have a kid? In Cable? I mean, he wasn't born to Jean, he was born to her clone Madelyne Pryor. But she still raised him after Madelyne tried sacrificing him to demons.
But the problem is that Cable had to be raised in the future due to some techno-organic virus bullshit (I've never been a fan of the storyline), and they could only raise him until he turned 13.
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Cable is 100% Scott and Jean's baby boy. But us Jott fans want them to have a baby they can raise in present day from start to finish.
I don't Rachel really counts, because I think she was around 18 years old when she came to the 616 universe. And I don't think they even remember Nate Grey...the writers certainly don't!
So, since they're already parents, are the first members of the X-Men, and X-Men that are canonically younger than them have kids themselves, how would them having another child be detrimental?
Listen, I get that we all have preferences, and not every couple needs to have a kid. But in the same breath, not every superhero needs to be a bachelor in their 20s, it's okay to let them evolve and let them get married or have kids.
If there's any X-Men couple that should have a child (that they don't have to send to the future) and be the Reed and Sue of the X-Men, it should be Jean and Scott.
Plus, Jean promised Rachel all the way back in the 90s that they would have the 616 version of her. It's rude to keep her waiting!
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That's one way of saying you're gonna raw dog it tonight
So yeah, that's my rant for tonight. Scott and Jean are my favorite couple, and I know that I speak for a lot of Jott fans when I say that they should have a kid.
I think it would allow their relationship to evolve in a beautiful way ❤️❤️❤️
(p.s While we're at it, can we give Peter his marriage back? He's allowed to evolve too)
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