#I've got a nebula one in it right now and it also came with a more general star field one

[persphonesorchid]

Echoes Of Nebula - MYG

Summary: Some people say that soulmates are made of the same star, a part of each other, one and the same. Stars don’t live forever, Yoongi found, but they do burn forever.  

Genre: Exes to lovers, angst, fluff

Word Count: 5.5k

Warning(s): I don't think there's any, but let me know if I've missed! Any mistakes are my own, I proofread this one (1) time 😭

Masterlist

Notes: Eep, hello! Here's this lil thing I've been working on! Also, Yoongi and Mc didn't end on bad terms, their separation was somewhat mutual and they're all good :)). Feedback is always appreciated and encouraged! Enjoy!

“Make sure to eat, okay?” 

Snow swirls along the train tracks, following a gust as a train pulls into the station.  There’s the bustle of people getting on and some getting off, bundled up warmly against the winter air. Some are going to see their families, some are taking a break from theirs. Some of them are stepping onto the train to never step foot in this town again. Some of them are just starting the first day of their adult lives. 

Min Yoongi? He’s moving to Seoul.  

Your hands tuck the ends of his scarf securely into his sweater, staring at him like you’re trying to memorize his face. Your tears make tracks against your cheeks and dry quickly in the cold.  

Min Yoongi is breaking up with his girlfriend.  

“Eat on time. And I don’t mean ramyeon because you’re too lazy to cook.” You sniffle, and Yoongi wipes under your eyes with his thumbs. His glove has a hole in it. Not that it matters much right now, he’s trying to get you to stop crying. “Sleep on time, not when the sun’s coming up.”  

Min Yoongi is trying not to cry.  

“Okay.” He holds you still because he’s trying to memorize your face. He’s got pictures, even the silly ones that he took and promised to delete, but they won’t compare. “I’m sorry.” 

He must’ve apologised for the millionth time. He doesn’t know what else to say.  

You nod, smile — sadly, tears on your waterline — and, “I understand.” for the millionth time.  

He’s moving to Seoul, a long way away from Daegu.  

A mixtape he made for shits and giggles took off and pulled him with it, and he has no choice but to follow. Your life is in this little town like a ship in a bottle and like a captain you’ll go down with it. You can’t follow.  

You both talked about it for days, compromising, bargaining, but in the end, your lives are going separate ways.  

Stars either explode or implode when they die, and Yoongi feel like the star you’re both made of has finally reached its end. It’s imploding, folding in on itself and pulling everything with it.  

He has five minutes left to take you in, how the tears shine in your eyes despite his efforts, the string of the necklace he won you at a fair peeking from behind your scarf. The way you smile and your eyes squint, the way he could feel the chill of your hands through his gloves.  

He wants to stay right here in this moment and never leave if it meant he could take you in for five minutes till eternity.  

“Remember to...” His throat feels raw, but it’s because of the cold and definitely not because he’s crying. The lump in his throat makes it hard to swallow. He looks somewhere above your head to give himself a second, things like these are always hard for him. “Remember to dress for the weather.”  

He squeezes your hands, takes a breath that he almost chokes on, and looks back at you. “Don’t skip meals. Get warm when you feel cold. Always carry an umbrella in July.”  

Sometime later, Yoongi will wonder if the things he reminded you to do made much sense, if they mattered at all. Wonders if you’d actually remember. The umbrella one is really important; you always forget.  

He sat where he could see you when his five minutes were up and eternity never came. Waving from behind a glass and missing the warmth of you and the sound of your voice. He watches you wipe your tears and smile big and you walk alongside the train when it pulls off and then you run, and then, Yoongi could no longer see you.  

Min Yoongi broke up with his girlfriend and left her in the middle of winter chasing a train.  

July is always rainy. 

And every time it rains, Min Yoongi remembers the love he left in winter. He wonders if you remember to carry an umbrella. It’s been five years; he wonders if you remember him at all. 

He watches the rain splash into puddles and listens to the patter against his umbrella. Seoul bustles on, indifferent to the weather, its crowds meandering through the mid-summer downpour. Despite the season’s warmth, a stray breeze slips past his collar and reminds him of colder days. He’s grateful his gloves no longer have holes. 

He walks along the sidewalk, carried by the crowd’s flow without much thought.  

There’s not much that he wishes for anymore, not much he can wish for when he’s got everything. He lives in a high rise, works at the top music production company. Sometimes it’s a bit hard being the most sought-after producer in Seoul. Life has been good; he can’t complain. That mixtape opened doors he thought he’d be knocking on forever, and he’s worked hard to keep them open. 

Min Yoongi doesn’t need much of anything else. 

But on days like this, when the wind is just a little chilly and the sky’s opened up and crying, he misses you. 

Sometimes he looks back on that day and feel guilt. He knows it was just as hard for you as it was for him, the pain in your eyes that you smiled through. 

For a while, he’d call you every night and update you, made sure that you were doing well. For a while, he’d keep up with you and made sure that you’re doing well. For a while, he’d call you every now and then, see if you’re doing well.  

For a while, it had been a while and life, and then five years slinked on by.  

Yoongi sighs, and there’s guilt in it. He got busy, as one gets being a producer in Seoul with a shit ton of expectations. He’s changed phones over the years, lost your contact, and he got busy. 

Of course, he’s dated — mostly blind dates his friends set him up on — and he’s tried his best to push forward. There’s no point living in the past, he’s sure you’ve moved on and on by now. Sometimes he’s fine, and sometimes he’s back on that train station platform, wishing he’d begged you to come with him. 

It would’ve been the selfish thing. It wouldn’t have been fair to you had he done that. When he got to Seoul, he’d buried himself so deep into his work he barely found himself. He would’ve dragged you out here, made you give up everything just to sit on the side-lines.  

He misses you sometimes, anyways. He’s forgotten the sound of your laugh, but he still remembers the way your nose scrunches when you do. He’s forgotten the scent of your favourite perfume, but he remembers the way you lit up when he saved up and bought you a bottle forever ago. 

Min Yoongi wonders if you remember him at all. 

As Yoongi turns the corner, his umbrella catches a gust of wind and flips inside out. He fights with it for a moment before giving up, letting the rain soak his hair and the front of his jacket and jeans. He can’t help but laugh at the irony, standing there drenched, remembering the countless times he reminded you to carry an umbrella. 

In the distance, he spots a small café and decides to seek shelter. The bell above the door jingles as he enters, and the warm, cozy atmosphere wraps around him like a comforting hug. He shakes off his umbrella – finally pulling it back down – and steps up to the counter, ordering a hot coffee to chase away the chill. 

As he waits, his eyes wander around the café, taking in the rustic décor and the soft hum of conversation. A bulletin board on the wall catches his attention, filled with flyers and photos. His gaze lands on a familiar face, and his heart skips a beat. 

It’s you. Your photo, smiling brightly, pinned among various advertisements and announcements. You’re standing next to a large canvas, looking proud. He steps closer, reading the caption beneath your picture: “Local Artist Exhibition - Featuring Works by ________.” 

Yoongi’s mind races as he takes in the information. You’re here in Seoul, and you’ve been showcasing your art. A mix of emotions floods through him—relief, excitement, and a twinge of nervousness. He jots down the address of the gallery from the flyer without much thought and leaves without his coffee. 

As Yoongi steps out into the rain, a million thoughts swirl through his mind, each one more turbulent than the last. He wonders why you never sought him out. Seoul is vast, but you’d known he was here, making waves in the music scene. Did you ever think about him? Did you ever miss him? 

The realization hits him hard: he never knew you were doing art before he left. In all your conversations, all your late-night talks and shared dreams, you never mentioned a passion for painting. He feels a pang of guilt. Had he been so wrapped up in his own ambitions that he failed to notice yours? The thought stings, and he can't shake the feeling that he should have been there for your journey, supporting you the way you always supported him. 

The gallery isn’t far, and soon he’s standing in front of it, his heart pounding in his chest. He takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, the sound of soft music and hushed voices greeting him. There’s quite a bit of people mingling about in quiet discussion, taking photos of the art mounted on the walls under ambient lighting. 

Inside the gallery, he feels out of place. The walls, adorned with your art, are a testament to a part of your life he knows nothing about. Each piece is beautiful, but they also serve as a painful reminder of how much he’s missed. He wonders how many late nights you spent creating these, how many times you might have needed someone to share your successes and frustrations with. 

Yoongi wanders through the gallery, the sound of soft music and hushed voices creating a backdrop to his thoughts. The rain outside has left him feeling introspective, and as he takes in the various pieces of art, he feels a strange mix of pride and sadness seeing how far you’ve come. 

Each painting tells a story, each one a glimpse into your life over the past five years, a life he wasn’t a part of. 

His gaze is drawn to a large canvas on the far wall. The colours are bold and dramatic, the brushstrokes chaotic and full of emotion. As he steps closer, he realizes with a jolt that the scene depicted is achingly familiar: a train station, snow swirling in the air, and two figures standing close together, wrapped in scarves and winter coats. 

His breath catches in his throat as he takes in the details. The style is unmistakably expressionist, the exaggerated forms and vibrant colours capturing the raw emotion of that day. The figures are abstract, but he knows them instantly: one is you, and the other is him. 

He remembers the way you tucked his scarf into his sweater, the tears that made tracks down your cheeks, and the way you both tried to memorize each other in those final moments. The painting captures all of it, the pain and the love, the sorrow and the hope. 

Yoongi feels a lump in his throat as he stares at the piece. It’s a testament to your skill as an artist. He wonders how long you carried the weight of that moment, how many times you revisited it in your mind to create this masterpiece. He’s overwhelmed by a wave of emotions: regret, longing, and a deep, unspoken connection. 

The title of the painting, written on a small plaque beside it, reads “Departure.” It’s fitting, he thinks, for the moment it captures, but also for the way it marks the beginning of your separate journeys. 

As he stands there, lost in thought, he hears your voice nearby, and for a moment, he simply stands there. Your words meld together and he isn’t hearing much of what you’re saying, just the sound.  His heart pounds against his ribs as your laugh — it sparks a memory and adds sound to the ones that were muted — bounces off the walls and around in his head.  

He turns and sees you, in a corner, your back to him talking to a taller man, discussing a point of space where you’re standing. The sight of you, so vibrant and alive, sends a mixture of relief and nervousness fluttering around in Yoongi’s tummy.   

Gathering his courage, he takes a step forward, then another, until he’s standing just a few feet away. You turn and startle, staring at him like he’s a ghost. There’s a brief moment of surprise — he gets it — and then you blink. 

“Yoongi,” you breathe, and turning to the man next to you, you smile gently. “Taehyung...Can you give us a moment?”  

The guy looks between you both for a second with a raised brow before he’s gone, walking off to some other part of the gallery. Yoongi’s mind is too occupied taking in the sight of you to wonder what that man’s presence may mean. 

“Hi,” he replies, his voice soft and filled with all the words he’s wanted to say for years. Despite this, he doesn’t actually know what to say, he didn’t actually think this far ahead. He glances back at the painting of the train station platform, then back at you. “I saw your painting.” 

You follow his gaze and nod, your smile tinged with a hint of sadness. “It was a significant moment for me. For both of us, I think.” 

It’s a lot awkward, with him just standing there, not sure what to do with himself. You look the same, though now your hair is styled professionally and not the frizzy, wind swept mess it was when he last saw you.  

There’s so much he wants to say but he feel like he doesn’t have enough words, or the right ones, so he takes it easy. “I saw a flyer...in a café. Um... It’s amazing...your work.”  

“Thank you,” you say, your eyes reflecting a mixture of pride, nostalgia and a certain sadness. “I didn’t know you’d be here. It’s... good to see you.” 

The conversation goes slowly, awkwardly. There are long pauses and nervous laughter, each of you trying to bridge the gap of five years with small talk about your art and his music. 

“You’ve done well,” he says, gesturing to the paintings around you both. “I didn’t even know you were into art.” 

You smile, the same just barely there sad smile from earlier. “It was something I started after you left. It helped me cope.” 

“Oh...” His heart aches at the thought of you turning to art just to fill the void he left behind. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. 

You shake your head and shrug. “We both had our paths to follow. It’s just... life.” 

He nods, but the guilt lingers. Life had taken you both in different directions, but he can’t help but wonder what might have been different if he had stayed, or if he had at least tried to stay in touch better. 

Min Yoongi is an idiot and he’s always told himself so. He’s an idiot and he sucks at this sort of thing. 

As the gallery starts to empty out, Yoongi looks at you, the rain pattering gently against the windows. There’s a part of him that wants to apologize, to make up for all the lost time, but he knows it’s not that simple. 

“Do you have time for a coffee?” he asks, hope and uncertainty mingling in his eyes. 

Your smile is a little hesitant, but you nod, “Sure.” 

You excuse yourself to grab your jacket and an umbrella — you remembered, he smiles privately —, and then you talk to the man from earlier for a minute before Yoongi follows you out of the gallery and onto the wet street.  

The walk is quiet, filled with the awkwardness of five years’ worth of missed everything’s, and Yoongi holds tight to the handle of his umbrella. There’s a confidence to your step as you weave your way through the crowd, head straight forward and not looking down at your feet like he remembers. 

You’re not the girl he left on that platform five years ago just as he’s not the guy that left you there.  

You walk back to the cafe he’d come from, and he realises that you’re probably a regular here. The barista behind the counter greets you with a smile and asks if you’re having your usual. You order a coffee and Yoongi asks the girl behind the counter to reheat the one he bought earlier, and the barista’s eyes dart between you both. 

You lead him to a cozy corner table after the order was called, and as you settle in, the conversation starts up slowly again. 

“How long have you been in Seoul?” Yoongi asks first, his voice a little hesitant, not sure if he’s allowed to ask.  

“Almost three years now,” you reply, looking down at your coffee cup, the tiniest furrow between your brows. “It took a while, but I got settled.” 

Yoongi takes a moment to observe you, trying to reconcile the person in front of him with the memories he’s held onto for the past five years. You don’t look much different, your hair’s in an up-do, your cheeks are a little fuller, but that’s as much as he notices.  

The silence that rings between you both is louder than the other customers in the cafe. Yoongi can only imagine what this scene looks like to others; two people who are barely looking at each other, like awkward strangers forced to share a space.  

His coffee is still hot, and it burns his tongue when he sips at it, but at least it’s given him a distraction. He steals glances at you, watching the way your eyes comb the cafe and avoid his gaze.  

Unfortunately, Yoongi is naught but a man, and there’s a nagging sound at the back of his brain. It grows louder until he fidgets, the nerves of his free hand feel like they’re dancing and he takes a breath. He looks down at his coffee cup, glances at you and then back to the cup. Then, he asks a question that made him want to crawl out of his skin.  

“So...that guy back at your gallery seemed nice...”  

He knows it’s been five years, and a lot can change in that time.  As toxic as it may sound, the thought of you moving on with someone else stirs a mix of emotions in him. 

He knows he has no right to be upset if you’ve found happiness with someone else. It’s not his business anymore, not after all this time.   

Still, the fear is there. He doesn’t want to admit how much it hurts to think of you with someone else. He can’t deny the pang of jealousy at the thought, but he tries his best to ignore it. He has no claim over you. You deserve to be happy, and if you’ve found that with someone, then he’s happy.  

He sighs inwardly, pushing the thoughts aside. He wants to focus on the present, on the fact that you’re sitting in front of him right now. Whatever happens, he’s happy to be here, he hopes he can be a part of your life again of you let him, even if it’s only as a friend. He doesn’t want to ruin this, whatever it turns out to be. 

You stare at him for a moment and Yoongi can’t tell what you’re thinking, “He is...he’s got an eye for art.”  

Yoongi nods slowly, his fingers tracing the rim of his coffee cup. He hums softly, and now it’s his turn to pretend you’re not looking; he finds interest in the light fixtures above.   

His next question sits on his tongue trying to pry past his teeth. He feels like a kid trying to find the right moment to ask his parents if he could go play outside. There’s a nervous churning in his tummy that isn’t at all pleasant. How does one ask their ex of five years if they’re seeing someone?  

Yoongi imagines they’d just ask, out of curiosity, and get it out of the way. He could play it well. Maybe lean back into his seat and appear more casual before he says the stupid words. Maybe he could stop staring at the lights like a damn moth, and act like a being with a fully developed frontal lobe.  

“Are you two...close? Or...you know...” He waves a hand and then lays it on the table. The sound of his ring knocking against it is kind of jarring, but it gives Yoongi an opportunity to look away again. 

You make a quiet sound, and Yoongi finally meets your gaze. There’s amusement in your eyes, it’s obvious you’ve figured him out already — he wasn’t exactly being subtle. Which is unfortunate, because now Yoongi could feel embarrassment tapping on his shoulder. 

You say nothing of it, even though he knows you want to. He could feel it.  

“As close as business partners can be, I suppose.” You say, and Yoongi can see the beginning of a smile as you lift your coffee to hide it.  

“Right...Sorry.” Yoongi says sheepishly, though, a weight lifts off his chest. As he looks at you, he notices something that makes his heart skip a beat.  

You’re still wearing the necklace he got you all those years ago, the one he won for you at the fair. The twine that the little pendant hangs on looks worn, fraying a bit at some points, but you’re wearing it.  

You kept it. 

He clears his throat, the words he’s been holding back spilling out. “I’m sorry I lost touch. I got so busy, and then it felt like too much time had passed to reconnect. I lost your contact, and… I didn’t know how to find you again.” 

You nod, your fingers brushing over the necklace like you sensed his gaze on it. “It’s okay. Life happened, for both of us.” 

“But why didn’t you seek me out when you got to Seoul?” Yoongi asks, his voice soft, devoid of accusation; genuinely curious. 

“I thought it would be for the best,” you say, equally as soft, staring into your coffee as though it would give you the words you’re looking for. “So much time had passed, and I didn’t want to disrupt your life. You were doing well.”  

You look so sad when you say it that it almost breaks Yoongi’s heart.  

“You know I wouldn’t have...” He wouldn’t have turned you away.  

“I know, I just...” You sigh, your eyes dart somewhere to his left, and then back at him, “...I really missed you.”  

Yoongi wants to reach out and take your hand so he does. Your fingers are warm from the coffee, squeezing his own, and tears beads at your waterline.  

“I missed you too.” His gaze is soft and he knows it, but he doesn’t care because its you. You’re still you and he’s still him, and he misses you and the girl he left on that platform.  

You’re both still made of the same star. It’s imploded but still glowing, and your necklace pendant catches the above head light.  

His finger brushes over your knuckles, he stares at them, the shape and colour and all the little things about them that makes them a part of you. All that with his heart in his throat because he wants to ask something.  

“Do you think…” His voice is barely a whisper, as if he’s afraid the wrong volume might shatter whatever delicate thread holds this moment together. “Do you think there’s a chance… that we could try again?” 

You stare at him, your eyes wide, and he feels the subtle pressure of your fingers in his. He knows it’s a lot to ask,  but the longing, the sense that maybe something beautiful can still be salvaged from the pieces, presses him to keep going. 

Hope catches on the glint of your necklace pendant, and he clings to it. 

“I don’t expect anything to happen right away. I just… I want to be in your life again, even if we start slow. No pressure, just… what feels right.” 

You’re quiet for a moment, and then a soft smile curves your lips, almost as if you’ve been waiting for him to say something like this.  

“We could try,” you murmur, the words tentative but filled with the same cautious hope Yoongi feels. 

And from there, the pace is unhurried. You both ease into each other’s lives like rivers that find their way back to the same stream.  

Some days Yoongi feels like he’s been whacked on the head with a giant stick. Anyone could tell by looking at him, when he’s got that stupid look on his face. Like he’s seen a goddess and she spared him a glance. He feels like he’s dreaming, and the last five years without you seem to blur.  

He starts small, a text here and there; good morning and good night. Even if he’s busy he’d keep up with you, except when his work demands his focus. There are some days when you’d disappear, and Yoongi understands when you explain you’ve been in your studio for hours.  

Your gallery isn’t far from his work, and as much as he could he’d go see you. He finds himself drawn to small gestures—bringing you lunch or a cup of coffee, or sometimes a sweet he thinks you might like. Each time he steps into the gallery with something for you, he feels a warmth settle in his chest. 

It’s an excuse, he knows, to see you smile, to watch you light up at the thoughtfulness of it. And each time you look at him with that gentle, appreciative gaze, he feels his hope grow a little stronger. 

You’d tell him all about your creative process, how you’d spin and weave what’s in your head onto a canvas. He’d listen attentively because he’s interested and he owes it to you. All those nights spent burning the midnight oil, steeping in his frustrations; you were there. You’d listen to him rant and cry when things weren’t working out the way he wanted. 

He owed you much more than that.  

He feels like he has to learn you all over again, which, in a sense, he does. Even if the bases of you are the same, there’s new facets. Little shards that fit into the mirror that reflects you, some pieces are a little dusty and worn with time and others are new and shiny. Yoongi has to take his time cleaning the old ones to see them again, and get used to the new ones that twinkle his eyes.  

He invites you to his place for dinner, something simple and easy, and the conversation flows a lot better than it had a month before.  

There’s no awkward sentences that cut off somewhere in the middle. Yoongi knows what to do with his hands and he has a better time looking you in the eye now. He feels a lot like he did back then, like a school boy taking his crush to meet his parents. His hands are a little sweaty, but the food is good and your eyes sparkle like they did back then, too.  

You seem so sure, like you’re not worried one bit. Like you knew you’d meet him again and you’d be here in this moment; sipping on white wine – something new he’s learned – and chucking over stories set in the past.  

The day he let a pet name slip was the day Yoongi wished a chasm would open up and swallow him. He had his excuse ready; the clock’s pushing one in the morning; he’s tired. The truth? It’s so easy to slip back into old ways, like nothing changed at all.  

Like a smouldering fire in a hearth. It’s not quite out yet, and if you throw some sticks in there, they’ll catch.  

After a while, on some sunny evening, Yoongi invited you to his studio. 

“This is where I spend most of my time.” And he means that, letting you into his studio. There’s a blanket tossed haphazardly on the black couch that lines the wall near the door.  

There’s day old take away coffee cups that never made it to the bin, cluttered in a designated spot. The bin he meant to empty is overflowing with scraps of paper and crushed takeout containers. That’s as far as the clutter goes. Though, Yoongi’s embarrassed now – he prides himself on keeping tidy. He wasn’t thinking when he asked you over, didn’t expect you to agree either.  

So now he’s clearing up his desk and tying a knot on the waste bag. You make yourself comfortable on his couch like you’ve been there before, throwing the blanket over your lap as your eyes dart about to take everything in.  

You’re impressed, he could tell by the gleam in your eyes and your little down turned smile. He’s come a long way from his old computer and MIDI.  

“Its nice, cosy. Beats camping out in your bedroom.” You smile and Yoongi chuckles, nodding.  

“Damn right.” He agrees, but he wouldn’t trade in those days for anything. Truthfully, he’s been here for three days, only going home to shower. Inspiration on an all time high and he’s just been riding the wave, you’ve been his muse for the past month. It isn’t the first time, at moments over the years gone you’d float into his mind like a mirage, and he’d get stuck on you.  

He’s grateful for the break, though, there’s nothing much to do and he doesn’t want to bore you with rambling about what he’s working on. So he orders something, and lets a movie play on his laptop.  

The clock ticks softly in the corner, its sound nearly drowned out by the hum of the desk lamp — he should really get that replaced. You’re still curled up on his couch despite the hour, the blanket pooled around your legs, your eyes scanning a painting on the wall he doesn’t remember hanging. 

“It’s peaceful here,” you say, your voice quiet but steady, like you’re speaking directly to the heart of the room—and to him. 

Yoongi glances up from the cluttered desk he’d been half-heartedly straightening; resorting his things because he can’t sit still. He watches the way you seem to belong in his space, your presence settling into the corners he never realized were empty. The faintest smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. 

“You think so?” he asks, moving to lean against the edge of the desk. He crosses his arms, the soft light from the lamp catching on the fine lines of his face. “I always thought it was too chaotic.” 

You turn your head, your gaze locking onto his. “Chaos can be beautiful. It just takes the right eyes to see it.” 

The words settle between you, their weight both gentle and profound. Yoongi feels something inside him shift—a small piece of armour finally cracking and falling away. 

He takes a step toward you, his hands slipping into his pockets, his expression tentative. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” 

You sit up a little straighter, tilting your head. “What is it?” 

“Would you…” He hesitates, his fingers brushing against the edge of a USB drive in his pocket—the same drive that holds the tracks he’s been working on for weeks. “Would you let me write something for you? About you?” 

Your surprise shows in the slight widening of your eyes, followed quickly by a soft, warm smile. “You already do that, don’t you?” 

Yoongi chuckles under his breath, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment. “Maybe,” he admits, with a small smile that meant more than he could say. “But this time, I want you to know it’s for you. No hiding it in metaphors or beats no one else understands. Just…you.” 

You rise from the couch, the blanket slipping to the side as you close the small distance between you. Standing so close, Yoongi count all the things that make you you.  

“Okay,” you say softly, your fingers brushing against his. “But only if you let me paint something for you, too.” 

Yoongi takes your hand because he wants to, and his fingers make home in the spaces between yours. It feels like déjà vu and an epiphany all at once: five years ago you were this close and he was saying goodbye. His gloves had holes. Today...he’s saying hello again, and it feels like no time had gone by. And he kisses you now because he didn’t kiss you then, and you sigh into it like you’ve been waiting a lifetime.  

Some people say that soulmates are made of the same star, apart of each other, one in the same. Stars don’t live forever, Yoongi found, but they do burn forever.  

Tagging: @hoseoksluna @xpeachesncream @amon-rei @allhobbitstoisengard @euphoricfilter @madbutgloriouspond

[kirby-the-gorb]

[ringleader-inky]

Lily Orchard is stupid but what else is new?

So recently Lily has made a challenge that is as follows:

(Keep these rules in mind)

And AntGr and CrimsonEnder made a list of 50 of those charcters. Which Lily responded to and hoo boy is it bad.

Now I'm only going to be doing several characters from this list because 1. I don't know some of these characters and 2. I can only handle so much of Lily's stupidity. So with that out of the way let's get this show on the road.

Of course you'd put N here because you didn't understand his story to begin with. N definitely does fall under number 2 because he was raised by Ghetsis. You know... THE LEADER OF TEAM PLASMA! I've said this before, but I'll say it again N essentially grew up in a cult. That's not even mentioning that in black and white 2 they show that some of Team Plasma really did think they were freeing pokemon. You see part of Team Plasma split because some followed N's ideologies and others followed Ghetsis. They have a whole safehouse in Driftveil City where they protect pokemon separated from their trainers. But yeah N's ideology was totally swept under the rug guys.

First of all, Donkey Kong was actually a villain. It was in his very first game where he kidnapped Pauleen. You know.... this one. You were probably around when it came out Lily.:

So technically Donkey Kong is qualified for this list believe it or not.

As for Dedede and Meta Knight their case is quite simple.

In Dedede's case in the game Kirby's Nightmare In Dreamland. Dedede literally breaks the Star Rod that powers the Fountain of Dreams. Which allows the people of dreamland to have dreams, but since the Star Rod no longer powers it there's no dreams. However Dedede did this because he was trying to keep Nightmare from absorbing the Fountain Of Dream's power and taking over the world. Nightmare is cosmic deity that's evil will destroy Dreamland if he got out. So in that instance Dedede does have a point. After all if the Star Rod isn't in the fountain then Nightmare won't come out and kill everyone.

As for Meta Knight's case. Well... just look at fucking Meta Knightmare. The reason why Meta Knight wants to conquer Dreamland is because Dreamland is lazy. While that might not seem like a good point, consider that Dedede is stealing food from the people and how there's some sort of cosmic threat every year or so. You kinda start to see his point a little bit. But if that doesn't work then how about in Squeak Squad where he steals the chest from Kirby and Daroach. The chest had Dark Nebula inside of it and was sealed away. Therefore having someone try and open it would be a big fucking problem.

Last but not least... Edgeworth:

Before we get into why this point is bullshit I'd like to bring up this ask:

I bring this up because it proves that Lily doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. You see Edgeworth isn't just a state prosecutor. HE'S A CHIEF PROSECUTOR! He's not just some joe shmo. Also really, prosecutor can't be evil? May I call Manfred Von Karma to the stand:

In case you don't know. This man is a prosecutor that had a perfect record. All of his defendants were served the guilty sentence. However the only reason why they were found guilty was because he forged evidence. Meaning Manfred is responsible for putting people innocent in prison. He even went so far as to murder Edgeworth's father. And guess who was his protege?

That's right none other than Miles Edgeworth himself!

Meaning that up till Phoenix had arrived Edgeworth was doing the exact same thing Von Karma did. Granted not forging evidence, but still putting innocent people in jail because of he wanted to keep his reputation and he didn't care for justice. Therefore in the first game Edgeworth was the villain. Whether you like it or not. And because Lily never specified that the villain had to be redeemed or not Edgeworth is viable enough to be on this list. So check fucking mate Lily.

[scatterbrainedart]

I know I've literally talked about this before already but I need to do it again more in depth because I'm deeply ill. Anyhow.

Crowley was there at the creation of the universe. He was there as nebulae sprung into existence and time came to be. He slipped the switch of existence itself. And upon hearing how it all would shut down in just a few thousand years he was really upset. Because the universe was precious to him, and he wanted to see it flourish to its full potential.

Even then, Crowley wanted to fight for its right to exist. To be. He cared about the world to point of falling. He spent 6000 years on Earth, learning about and cherishing all it had to offer. The world is morally gray by default, and it's the only place in Crowley's existence that is. Therefore, it suits him, I think. Much more than either heaven or hell ever have or will, at least.

But, in the end of season 1, all of that was about to be lost. And what got him to act in order to salvage it? Aziraphale threatening to never talk to him ever again.

Let me say this again. The world was ending. The thing he cared enough about to had fallen for was all about to be destroyed forever. But the worst thing to Crowley in that moment, the highest stake and the worst possible loss, was the loss of Aziraphale's companionship. Not even "we will all die or stop existing and therefore won't be able to see each other anymore" but "I will just refuse to talk to you for the rest of time". That was the threat. And it worked. It raised the stakes. Stakes that were already about as high as they come, and quite awfully personal.

Crowley care more about Aziraphale than he cares about anything else. And Aziraphale knows that, otherwise he wouldn't have trusted that the threat would work. But he did. And it did.

Crowley is also desperately lonely. Just inherently so, in his very existence. There is no one else like him, in the way he's so gray in a world so black and white. I literally have a whole other post planned for that rant though, so I'll spare you it for now. But yeah, I'd imagine he has felt like the loneliest being in existence for the fast majority of it. His loneliness comes across a LOT, but it's most apparent in those moments of desperation. Where he is risking losing that one connection he managed to make. Like a last ditch effort kiss, harsh and unpleasant. It hurts to have it taken away, on such a deep level. Just like there is no one like Crowley, there is no one like Aziraphale. At least not to Crowley, not by a mile.

Crowley's desperation to keep Aziraphale in his life is not only because of his love for him, but also because of how if it's not Aziraphale, it's no one. And just like that scene where Aziraphale eats food for the first time and reacts as if he's just realized he's been starving his entire life, Crowley now knows what it's like to have someone by your side. To be a team, a pair. And he clings to that like the famished cling to their first and last warm meal.

[aziraphales-library]

hey, tysm for what you're doing, i've found so so many amazing fics through it

i was wondering if you've got any where after the bookshop fire Crowley just loses his shit, like, the "bastards! all of you!" except he's acting on it, 100% vengeful demon after all of heaven and hell. doesn't have to be after the fire even. i'm mostly just looking for bamf crowley fics because i've found a disturbing lack of them? or even if he's just some sort of villain, or fighting demons, or or or. preferably not E rated.

thanks!

The bookshop fire is not a moment people choose to make Crowley a BAMF, and most fics link that to trauma for Crowley. You can check our #protective crowley tag for fics where he is more of a bad ass, and I have some bamf Crowley fics here for you...

Forget Me Not by Supergeek21 (T)

Aziraphale wakes up in Heaven with a pounding headache only to realize he has very little memory of the last 6,000 years. The good news is he successfully averted the War. The bad news is the Serpent of Eden now wants to kill him for revenge, or so Gabriel tells him.

***

When Crowley pops by the bookshop to visit Aziraphale and is greeted by the full force of an angel's wrath, he has no clue what he's done to incur such rage, or why Aziraphale is apparently reading his old work reports, but he'll be blessed if he isn't going to find out and win him back.

The Art of Creation by Bookwormgal (T)

Once upon a time, long before humans set foot outside of Eden and long before his inelegant landing in a pool of boiling sulfur, Crowley had been an angel. An angel with a very different name and far less cynicism. And that angel was made to build Her creations. He built stars, nebulas, and other beautiful and complicated things far out there in the cosmos. He shaped fundamental elements and materials into new creations. He molded burning fires and sculpted dust into breath-taking patterns. He started bright and powerful reactions, serving as a catalyst to spark the birth of stars. He set various celestial objects spinning.

He built. He took raw materials and built wonderous things with them. He built because that was the role that She made him for. In the end, was rebuilding that much different than building? And wasn't rebuilding fairly close to healing?

When it was his angel's existence on the line, Crowley was willing to grab at any chance available. He would find a way to fix what had been damaged. He would find a way to save him.

But I would walk 500 miles by Augenblickgotter (T)

There's a conspiring of foes from both sides that forcefully kidnap Aziraphale. Crowley is in hot pursuit and will stop at nothing, finding some unlikely aid along the way, and bringing up his True Form when the time is needed.

Some depictions of pain and violence, minor character deaths by Holy Water, and mild gore. Also mild claustrophobic and dingy descriptions of Hell. And the boys relationship can be flat out platonic asexual best of friends or downright dirty lovers. The story is up to you and is more about how far they would go for each other. ;) No, no monster sex in this one either (comb for my last fic if you need it). Just BAMF Crowley ready to walk 500 Miles through Heaven or Hell to save his Angel.

I've Got You by caffeinefire (T)

Aziraphale felt the change in the air, a burst of power and a whiff of ozone. He spun, and jumped when he came face to face with Gabriel leering cheerfully over his right shoulder.

“Aziraphale!” he smiled as if greeting an old friend, then clapped his hands together loudly, so close it made Aziraphale flinch. “You’re early, so glad you could make it.” He began to walk around him, admiring the circle beneath his feet, careful not to cross it. It posed no real danger to him, it had already been activated, but crossing the bounds of an active circle was never a fun experience.

“Gabriel,” his voice wavered despite his best efforts. “What is the meaning of this?”

------------------------

Hellfire didn't work, but Heaven has one more idea. And this time, they're going to force Crowley to watch.

Beyond Grace by HKBlack (T)

“Crowley, I need you to do what you do best.”   “Wozzat?”

“I need you to find me, and rescue me,” Aziraphale whispered.

After Aziraphale is discorporated Crowley goes on a mission to do what he does best. Recruiting help from both of their former Head Offices is easier said than done, especially when Hell thinks the whole thing is a ruse, and Heaven thinks you’re on the hunt for more angels to corrupt.

The Infernal Bodyguard by Santillatron (M)

Alistair Zira Fell is a popular author. Loved by everyone he meets. Well, almost everyone. Someone is trying to hurt him, and right now, he needs a bodyguard.

Anthony J. Crowley is the best, although he doesn't work with celebrities. He has three rules. He never gets too close, never stays once the job is done, and Never Gets Involved.

But this isn't a thriller. This, is a love story.

- Mod D

[raccoonfallsharder]

Two totally unrelated questions to each other, but what media introduced you to gotg? Movies or comics? And how do you know how many chapers your fanfiction will have? Honestly I’m just curious it seems impressive to me that you have it planned out like this 👉👈

hey sugarcube, thank you for this delightful ask ♡♡ you're so fuckin sweet honestly.

question one! how i was introduced to gotg:

i was vaguely aware of gotg through some comics but it was the first movie that really made me more interested. honestly, in the ensemble comics, a lot of the guardians characters bored me. (this hasn't changed. i will skip any frame feature richard rider; he's so damn boring. and frankly i feel similarly about pete....sorry!). but i loved rocket in the comics and when the first movie came out i was like, yes, just like the comics, it's the fuckin raccoon and the tree who make this really worth watching.

then the comics started producing more rocket-and-groot-focused arcs and i got super-into it. the second and third movies also got me more interested in the other guardians-characters (love drax, love the gamora-nebula sistership, love yondu, love mantis, love all their energy together). so while i was aware of gotg from comics, it honestly feels like a combination of the two that eventually won me over.

question two! how i know the length of my stories:

i don't lol. sorrrrryyyyy ♡♡

but if it's helpful, there are a few things that sort of guide me. first of all, generally speaking, i won't start really writing a story until i know how it ends. hell, sometimes i start at the end. knowing where i'm going keeps me motivated.

i also have a tendency to see things really holistically (i have a sequencing disorder, which is also why i have a bajillion typos all the time), so the more i think about anything (but especially stories and people), the more i see how all the pieces fit together. sometimes with writing, that's a pretty clear/simple trajectory, which for me results in one-shots or triple-shots. but the stories that are longer and require more character-growth end up being more uncertain.

cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂is a good example. it starts with rocket and pearl colliding on the arete and culminates in a happily-ever-after. for me, an HEA means they need to resolve things with each other, find a family, and figure out what to do about wyndham. the more i think about how that would work, the more major plot-points i develop (currently about eight distinct "events") and the more incidents of interpersonal conflict, empathy, and bonding i imagine (too many to dissect right now). once i actually start mapping that out, there's usually about one chapter for every major event and/or incident.

that said, i originally thought cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂could be resolved in about 25 chapters (lol). so obviously, things have changed as i've started realizing how more and more things fit together. even now, i just drafted chapter 23 and realized it might need to be split into two because it's long - which might mean i end up with even more than the forty chapters i currently had planned. at the end of the day, for my longer fics, it's really more about estimating than knowing anything for real.

but that's writing, i think. nobody knows anything until it's done - and even then, there's room to change. it's all an exercise in accepting ambiguity i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ♡♡

[soukeyed]

my cool and epic oc masterpost

(names from left to right: nebula, lynn, ember, dia, z, mercury)

link to their folder on toyhou.se, but honestly this post is probably a more comprehensive source of info

hello hello i was gonna make one of these sooner or later! thank u to @loveismine for asking abt them this was the motivation i needed LOL . also tagging @eqqbyte @harvsbian since they asked :]

STORY SUMMARY:

my oc universe (3 years unnamed and counting!) is set in a universe where most people die twice; the first time, you come back with powers based off of the way you died (or rarely something completely unrelated,) the second time you die for real. this brings with it a bunch of new cultural norms; middle and upper classes have ceremonies to achieve specific powers, lower class families sometimes save up for these ceremonies and bank on having one child with practical powers to support them through work. ptsd from the 'first deaths,' especially if youre someone who was put through a specific ceremony for it, is extremely common but largely dismissed. etc etc there's a lot of pointless details i've thought out

the story is centered around nebula - one of the many 'children' (test subjects) of the very very corrupt government - her wife lynn, a pretty normal woman who works as a model, and lynn's childhood friend dia (and HER sister ember) who resents nebula because . . . : )

nebula is keeping secrets, notably her actual origin and why she and lynn even met to begin with; when ember gets kidnapped during nebula and lynn's wedding, the entire plot kicks off.

CHARACTER SUMMARIES (UNDER THE CUT):

WARNING: all of these discuss death a lot given the story's themes, more specific warnings are given per character

NEBULA

art cr. me + me again + mocakola on toyhou.se / gallery

WARNING: includes discussions of child abuse/child death

one of the few legitimate children to her science-obsessed parents, nebula was involved in their government research since she was a child. the government intended to create an army of extremely powerful individuals, and to do this carried out a series of experiments to see just how random someone's powers could be - and if powers could be specifically engineered to manifest in a certain way.

to nebula's parents she was just another test subject, so she was given the name NE-004 and at five years old left to suffocate in space as part of one of their experiments alongside a group of other children. she came back to life with gravity powers; she can alter the gravitational field strength of any object within a 1km radius, as long as it's within line of sight. this wasn't the intent of the experiment, and so nebula was deemed a 'failure' and spent most of her life until around 19 growing up in a government facility with dozens of her 'siblings', being trained in combat, weapons etc. so she could still be useful in the future as a guard. it was dehumanising, isolating, and nebula and her 'siblings' were often subject to abuse from eachother or their handlers, or painful/invasive experiments from the facility's scientists.

nebula was sent out as a sort of spy when dia's family caught the attention of the government (more about this in ember's section, but ember's powers manifested in a unique way that the government wanted to research.) her mission was to get close to the family, gain their trust and eventually obtain the information the government needed more discreetly.

and then she met lynn.

(art cr. orpiiment on toyhous.e)

lynn was dia's best friend; the two were basically inseparable, so she was the perfect way to get closer to dia's family without seeming too suspicious, especially to the now paranoid and distrusting dia herself. with lynn, nebula felt for the first time that she was being treated like an actual person; her own emotions were clumsy and her social skills awful from her lonely upbringing, but the two of them quickly fell in love and got engaged.

all the while, lynn had no idea of nebula's origins. neither of them liked to discuss their families, so she had no real reason to suspect. but in the background nebula's superiors were getting impatient. two years passed and with no helpful information gained in all that time, they sought to resolve the issue themselves.

which leads to ember being kidnapped at the wedding.

LYNN

art cr. iouquie on toyhou.se + mocakola on toyhou.se + furei on toyhou.se / gallery

WARNING: includes discussions of child death (drowning) and references to csa

grew up as the oldest sibling in a large working class family; had to take care of her siblings a lot while her parents worked toward the promise of a proper ceremony for her when she became a teenager. lynn's family intended for her to gain fire powers since they were pretty practical + versatile, and as a result set her and dia up on playdates so they could become friends and eventually train eachother's powers together.

at the age of 11 she drowned. as a result she gained the power to turn her hair into water to its roots; something her family obviously didn't want for her. lynn's relationship with her family broke down over the years, not helped by her coming forward about the actions of a 'family friend' from when she was younger and made all the worse when they didn't believe her. she left home to live with dia's family at the age of 15; she still considers dia's parents more family than anyone else.

passing school with alright grades, lynn went into modelling and quickly picked up traction thanks to her looks and powers. she met nebula a little into her career; they bonded strangely quickly, and despite dia's distrust of nebula lynn proposed to her anyway. her life was going good.

in reality, lynn's self esteem was extremely low; her powers were weak and good for nothing except aesthetics (especially in comparison to nebula and dia's), she still felt guilt over 'abandoning' her family, she felt stupid and naive for letting herself be manipulated as a child but refused to kill her trust in people for it.

all feelings that would spiral out of control after the wedding, and after nebula would be forced to admit the truth.

DIA

art cr. zidanetribal on toyhou.se / gallery

pretty tame middle class upbringing; her mothers both worked for the government (relatively low level civil servants though.) went through a ceremony at the age of 13, just like her parents had before her, and came out with horns and a devil-like tail that could materialise fire (she doesn't use the horns often though because they singe her hair lol) and also severe nightmares but that's supposed to be normal.

pretty upbeat and flippant about most things but is fiercely protective of her younger sister ember, especially after the media attention her family gained in the wake of ember's powers manifesting. she shelters her pretty severely in an attempt to protect her and this definitely won't come back to bite her.

EXTREMELY mistrustful of nebula from the start; mostly gets along with her for lynn's sake. her hatred reaches a peak after the wedding and in the main events of the plot.

not a lot to say about her tbh? i love her though : ) if there's a character whose pov you'd be reading from itd probably be her

EMBER

art cr. yuchino on toyhou.se

dia's younger sister! more of a side character but she is plot important. very sheltered upbringing (much moreso than dia since ... dia is very overprotective lol) very nonchalant about like.. everything, she doesn't have much of a filter but it usually doesnt get her in trouble because shes not a mean person to begin with. underwent the same ceremony dia did at age 13.

the clawlike hands (she can summon fire w them) are the manifestation of her powers; this got her and her family media attention because this was the exact same way her mother's powers manifested - an extremely rare occurrence the reason she gained the attention of the government. this was one of their points of research; if there was a link between family members' powers and if there was a way to ENSURE family members had the same powers. this of course leads to them sending nebula out and later ember getting kidnapped.

Z

art cr. that_pitt on twitter + me + aquacanis on toyhou.se / gallery

i dont pick favourites but shes my favourite LOL. the girlie in my pfp!

scientist working for the government; plays a VERY minor role in the actual main story. her side story with her and mercury however is very dear to me. i'll just dump her toyhou.se profile link here because it has all her backstory etc written out anyway.

MERCURY

art cr. redline on toyhou.se + cookedshrimp on artfight + aquacanis on toyhou.se / gallery

WARNING: includes discussions of child death (via stabbing)

her and z's stories are like integral to eachother so i advise skimming z's backstory before this at the very least but i cant stop you lol

leader of the most high-profile resistance against the government. had a relatively happy childhood that was cut abruptly short when she was out with her family one day; they were mugged, and at 12 years old mercury was stabbed to death alongside her parents. she came back to life with the power to manipulate metals and was almost immediately bought into a prestigious school to train her powers, fully funded by the government. meanwhile her younger sister (being at home w a babysitter at the time) was put in foster care; their relationship was distant, though not from lack of trying on mercury's part.

mercury quietly grew to hate her powers; they were the reason she could barely see her sister, the result of her family's deaths, and yet they were treated like a blessing by everyone around her. at the same time they were the only advantage she really had in life, and in a way the last thing her parents had given her - so she trained like hell and graduated with top grades lest it all be for nothing.

somewhere along the line in high school she met z and they fell in love; z was smart and easy to talk to and about the only person she seemed to be able to have a real critical conversation with about their world - what these powers meant, why they happened in the first place. they both ended up in one of the country's top universities; funded and used personally by the government to scout new talent.

and then, at the start of her second year of university, z vanished. no goodbye, no texts, nothing.

mercury spiralled. she dropped out and searched desperately for z long after anyone else had accepted her death, devoted her life to that and nothing else and barely took care of herself at all. along the way she stumbled across forums; huge networks of people whose loved ones had vanished in the same way. then, even smaller networks talking about how they'd been working for the government months before and now their so-called 'employers' were acting like they'd never existed.

the rebellion was never meant to be what it became. it started as a sort of support group; a shoddily made up forum mercury created herself where people could freely discuss their loved ones and what might have happened to them. the group grew massively, countless stories of the very same circumstances; people digging up whatever proof they could, all manner of people contacting mercury asking how to help, offering funds, even those wanting to seek their own justice - and mercury can't say her encouragement of it was entirely selfless.

the grief had to go somewhere physical. over the years mercury's group outgrew it's original shitty webpage and became something else entirely. but despite being branded as the resistance's leader, most of its build-up felt out of her hands; she managed the funds and tracked members, sure, but she was never a leader. she couldn't give speeches or motivate any emotion but anger. violence was the language she spoke best, despite it all.

she never forgot about z. every time they raided a government facility or uncovered some new documents she looked for her face.

she found it, eventually - on the side that she'd been fighting against for years.

despite that, mercury still loved her. z was one of the only things she had left to love and she clung to her with everything she had. noone knew, of course, because the consequences for either of them would be deadly, but they still got together frequently. despite everything z had done, despite everything mercury knew she'd been capable of and despite how much they fought, now.

mercury is a minor character in the main story; she becomes a sort of mentor figure to nebula and her and z's relationship is sort of a parallel/worst case scenario of nebula and lynn's. i love her very very dearly.

if you've read this entire thing: thank you so much! have a mercurz image dump because they are truly everything to me.

(by redline on toyhou.se - right img is my current pfp!!)

(by aquacanis on toyhou.se aka the goat of mercurz art. they never miss)

(by twgp on toyhou.se . i just . explodes.)

tysm again if you took the time to read this entire thing. i love you and you are so cool

[caatws]

I can't speak for the merchandising but when it comes to gotg rides Mission Breakout is set just after vol 2 so there would be no need to change anything about it because of vol 3. Not that I think they would change the ride anyway. The newer ride is Cosmic Rewind and it's supposed to be taking place during or around vol 1. Gamora is of course included. This ride came out last year and I don't know when or how it was decided but I have been wondering if the whole rewind to vol 1 theme was picked so Gamora could be included.

I have mostly loved Gunn's work when it comes to gotg. I think he's typically thoughtful and nuanced when dealing with the abuse and trauma plots. However I don't think he had the ability to deal with Thanos killing Gamora. Gamora needed way more attention and her death should have been one of the most serious issues gotg ever had. I don't know what the perfect solution would have been but part of me wishes they would have given Gamora a solo movie or show handled by someone more willing to do the work needed to give Gamora's murder closure and Gamora an arc that was about finding a way to give back to her rather than take away. The mcu wanting to deal with hard and complicated issues is great. Being unprepared to see them through to the end or research what those situations are really like, isn't so great and honestly can send out a bad message. Vol 3 treats everything Thanos did with nonchalance. Gunn also uses the time and space since Endgame mostly in a negative way for Gamora. Vol 3 has Rocket and Nebula as much better friends and the entire basis for this is Endgame. At the same time it only lightly touches on Gamora and Nebula's relationship even though Endgame showed that was the most important thing for both of them and the entire catalyst for Gamora having confidence that her arrival to the future might be okay and they could win against Thanos. He ignores that 5 years working and being friends with other people could pose an issue for Rocket and Nebula when the guardians came back from the snap. Especially Nebula who hadn't been on the team before. It's like none of that time mattered at all. Then with Gamora he treats her time after Endgame as if it's created a permanent wall where she can't connect with these characters or be part of the guardians. And now here we are with Gamora being excluded and her value as a character being questioned which is the exact opposite of what you should want for a film about abuse survivors.

you're so right on all fronts here! i think gunn is extremely talented and everything else has been generally handled well and beautifully; for me personally it mostly only starts to all unravel when i consider the gamora situation, but looking past that, i think most of the characters got pretty solid arcs/moments/etc across the 3 films, especially considering the chaotic context of trying to fit into the greater mcu.

i'm glad rocket got the attention and care he did in this film, esp knowing how much it meant to gunn, but like i mentioned yesterday, i think it would've made more sense to put this particular story between vol 2 and iw, since the effects of iw/eg are hardly even explored in the film beyond peter grieving, the ravager gamora storyline, nebula's presence, and just other random details.

and i'm not just making up reasons to sound like a hater here lol like i've LITERALLY been saying since 2021 when mcu content resumed post-covid that, in general, one of my biggest gripes with post-eg mcu is the lack of rly going into the effects of 1) the 5-year time skip, and 2) the snap itself on most of the characters/stories, and unfortunately vol 3 ended up falling into the majority of films/shows that didn't rly deal with it much.

and my issue isn't necessarily gunn not wanting to deal with all that on top of the rocket story he wanted to do, but just like...we didn't have to make it a post-eg story then lol

in my ideal world we'd get like a vol 4 that is post-eg where it's just the gotg grieving gamora and searching for the new one, or perhaps even rectifying the whole original issue by bringing original gamora back or merging her with 2014!gamora etc. but either way, i think gamora's circumstances in her life and death warranted her getting a story just as much centered around her and driven by how much the other characters love her just as much as rocket did.

but yeah like you said anon, i just don't think gunn - or markus, mcfeely, or the russos bros for that matter - were equipped to handle this kind of storyline. and that isn't a bad thing! that isn't even a criticism of their work. it's just a literal fact that not all storytellers are equipped to handle every kind of story. and i don't think it should be A Big Deal to simply say that a white male storyteller may not be the best choice to tell the story of the consequences of a woc abuse survivor getting murdered by her abuser like lol. (bc when white male storytellers did tell that story, it was to show how the abuser actually Loved her and how there are parts of thanos we can still sympathize with UWU)

this is not even a radical opinion. this is quite literally the whole point of movements like #ownvoices and giving bipoc/queer/etc creatives jobs in directing and/or writing films/shows that center their identities.

like it literally is not that deep to suggest that local middle-aged white man james gunn (who's already made it clear that rocket was His Guy from the beginning, so we already know which character he'd prefer to focus on) was maybe not The Best Choice to write a story abt a woc surviving and escaping her abuser only to end up murdered by him in the end. he had his chance to show he was equipped to tell that story and he didn't, the end, case closed. it's as simple as that, and i don't wanna hear any dissenting opinions from white ppl, honestly!

[goodomensmostlyoftenscrowley]

Neil Gaiman has confirmed that "twice" refers to Lucifer but he's not exactly known to be 100% honest with us. "gentle and romantic".

Also David Tennant's traumatized characters aren't exactly known for being good at communication. Ever see the Tenth Doctor try to relay his feeling for Rose Tyler?

Yesterday, I found a TikTok on a possible identity for Crowley and I reblogged/replied to another Tumblr user. I copied and pasted my answer below explaining the theory I found:

I've just found the theory that Crowley may have been the archangel, Kokabeil who was the angel of the stars.

However, he did fall but not because he was evil, no, no, no--but because he didn't like how the demons were treated after they fell and think about it, the impulsive, curious Crowley voices his opinion and remember how angry God got at Job for wanting to know what happened to his children. She acted like he had no right to ask her what her actions had done to his own children, now think about a much younger God being questioned by a high-ranking archangel and this is Crowley so likely it wasn't really done with lots of politeness even back then, Crowley wasn't exactly as polite as Aziraphale but more innocent. This means that he didn't fall during the "Fall" but after the "Fall" which is why he insists he didn't fall but "sauntered vaguely downwards"

There are persoanlity traits that line up. Kokabiel was described as being childlike and fair, especially when it came to the stars just like how Crowley was acting when he was creating the nebula. And his name literally translates into "Star of God" which was fitting because he taught his pupils--other angels about the constellations just like he was doing with Aziraphale.

One source states that he was quite philosophical to the point that his readings didn't make much sense. Even Aziraphale seems to think Crowley is a bit off when he can't remember the saying of what water slides off of while they're at dinner and then later when they're back in the care at the very least half an hour later he suddenly shouts out, "DUCKS!" (Though I've always thought of this as proof Crowley may be ADHD but that's another argument/rant)

Aziraphale and Crowley often have philosophical debates with Aziraphale having having little opinion himself, always staying firmly on God's and heaven's side, "the ineffible plan" but when Crowley points out the unfairness to everyone else like the poor opposed to the rich or how banishing Adam and Eve from the garden from just taking an apple as if was their first offense, Aziraphale always brushes it off, stating it's best not to speculate while Crowley does speculate. Crowley's morals always seem to be for equality and fairness as oppose to Aziraphale's subtle (or subtle compared to other angels') holier-than-thou attitudes. Aziraphale is insistent that good will always win while Crowley doesn't want anyone to win because it's not fair to anyone, he seems to feel that with the war, everyone loses, especially the humans which is why he's so upset when he speaks to God saying "don't test them to destruction" because he knows they'll all die and angels and demons are just going to get hurt again, just like before while Aziraphale sees it as an unfortunate inevitability but is only convinced by Crowley's "tempting". You have to remember, Crowley fell but Aziraphale did not. Crowley mentions not being the "original concept designer" but working very closely upstairs on it, presumably God or at the least Metatron.

Also this may be for all angels but I always found it odd that Neil Gaiman specifically confirmed that Crowley was genderfluid, I mean, Crowley specifically, instead of several angels and demons at once, but why Crowley specifically? Sure, fans speculated because he played the female nanny to Warlock but there are plenty of angels who are generally considered to be the opposite gender than they're portrayed by in the show, God is generally assumed to be a male and so is Michael and Shax but they're portrayed by female actresses. Uriel is typically shown as male but is played by a female actress and is portrayed as non-binary. Pollution and Beelzebub were both male in the books but portrayed by female actresses and are presented as non-binary, sure, they're general gender is angel or demon or... horseman (whatever pollution is) but Crowley specifically is referred to as gender fluid and Kokabiel is generally presented as male but some believe he can appear as female. I may be reading into that one though but it's always been struck me as odd that only Crowley is described to be genderfluid, the only one out of all the angels and demons. But again, this is just according one source I found on Google so it may just be that Neil Gaiman sees Crowley as Genderfluid which is great and totally acceptable.

But my point is I am certain that Crowley is Kokabiel and it counts as a reference to Doctor Who so what else do you expect from David Tennant.

Sorry for this long rant.

Good Omens dropping hints that Crowley has apparently Forgotten at least some of his former high-and-mighty angelic status in heaven.

[charmingly-helpless]

natasha's letter to yelena

Summary: Natasha addresses a letter to Yelena.

Warnings: mention of PTSD

August 14, 2018 Hey, Yelena.

It's been a little over three weeks since Thanos snapped away 50% of all living creatures. Since Thanos snapped away you. We found him when he used the stones again, and we went to space to kill him. Unfortunately, the stones were gone by the time we got to him. We did kill him, though, so at least we have that satisfaction. We don't know how to get the stones back, though.

By the way, I've gotta take you with me to space one day-- I think you'd love it.

The Avengers, what's left of them, we're all working our very hardest to try to get the world back up and running. It's easier said than done, but the pain is still very fresh. I keep thinking back to that day, what things I could have done differently. What we all could have done differently.

The streets of Manhattan have never been more quiet. Almost everything is deserted, and I'm starting to think that every single person in New York was wiped away.

Stefaniya has been working from New York to track down the Widows that relocated before Thanos. She hasn't had any luck yet. Speaking of, the Widows left at the facility are doing okay. I check in with them once every week over the phone, and they're holding down the fort until we find a way to get you, Melina, and Alexei back. Most of the Widows have moved out, though.

A couple days ago, Tony came back from space. He's not doing okay, but we're hoping that he'll get better physically as the days go by. As for his mental health... Well, who even is mentally stable these days?

We have some new members of the team, by the way. Carol Danvers; she glows and she can fly and lift an entire spaceship with one arm. I think you would like her. We also have Rocket, who's a raccoon that talks. And Nebula, who happens to be Thanos's adopted daughter. But she's been helping us out, so I think we can trust her. A little bit.

I'm doing as okay as you can expect. Some days are harder than others, but I'm holding myself strong for the sake of the others. Someone needs to keep us up and running.

Stefaniya... She's really struggling. I think she has PTSD from the fight against Red Room. And when I let her fight with us in Wakanda, it triggered an episode. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have called her for help; she was perfectly safe working with you. She hasn't had another episode since then, but she's having very vivid nightmares. Almost every night, I wake up to hear her screaming in her room. She's isolating herself from me and the Avengers, and as much as I'm tempted to override the lock on her door and go in and hug her, I want to respect her boundaries. Even if it pains me.

When she's not in her room, she's in the gym. She's taken up ballet again, which I've done, too. That's just about the only time she lets me be in the same room as her, and we dance side by side in silence. I think that she finds somewhat of a peace in it-- reliving the controlled environment of the Red Room. I'm far more out of practice than she is, but it's nice being able to see her when we cross paths in the gym. Anywhere else, though, it seems like all she does is try to pick a fight with me. Whether it's over me walking too loud, or I'm bothering her, distracting her... It hurts. I'm used to this stuff from the Avengers, anyone else, really. But it hurts so much more from her because I think I'm in love with her.

Sorry. I'm not trying to dump all of our problems on you. I just really need to let it out somewhere.

I really miss you, so does Stefaniya. She really needs you right now. I'll bring you back, I promise.

Till we meet again.

Your sister, Natasha R.

-

Next chapter

[captainevans]

Could you go into more detail re: your last post? I've been seeing so many reactions to what Steve did at the end of the movie and would love to hear your take on it because I'm desperate to hear from someone more level headed (and it seems like you definitely are). I've just seen a lot of people upset with/at Steve/Chris and need some reassurance lol. You can keep this private if you want or just make a separate post. Also hi, nice to meet you :)

I have been thinking about this all day, so I would be more than happy to elaborate for you! It’ll be under the cut.

It appears that the general arguments regarding Steve being out of character and not liking his ending is that he struggled for so long to put his past behind him, to find a place in the future with the family and friends he made, and by sending him back it compromised their future as well as Peggy’s and reduced her to simply a woman who stole Cap’s heart as opposed to this formidable force to be reckoned with and one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I don’t see it that way though. If anything, this is a Steve who failed and saw half of the universe snapped due to circumstances beyond his control and more importantly this is the first time we truly see Steve for the human he is, and not just the soldier out of time.

Two constant threads in Steve’s individual arc has been dealing with one never-ending battle after another and his struggle to acclimate to the times he’s in. I don’t mean in an ‘old man deals with newfangled technology’ sense, but Steve’s few years out of the ice pales in comparison to the seventy plus years it’s been for everyone else. Also keep in mind the era in which Steve comes from, because he deals with things internally or not at all (mostly not at all) and a therapy goer the man is not.

In TFA, pre-serum Steve has a myriad of health problems and is known to get into fights frequently. He’s tried several times to get enlisted; longing for that one chance to do something right, to do something good because he doesn’t like bullies and he doesn’t care where they come from. He meets Peggy and she sees the man he is way before he became Captain America. Keep in mind though that between post Project Rebirth and the crash, more time has passed than people tend to think about. Their feelings for one another have deepened, even if they’re not acted upon, which is why their final conversation over the comms is even more heartbreaking. They had something, they knew they had something, and now it was lost seemingly forever. Who could come back from that? Who honestly would want to?

The Avengers finds him a mere two weeks after the man was defrosted, in which he was learning that almost everyone he knew and loved was dead and that the Tesseract he crashed a plane to try and destroy was found and used by SHIELD to create weapons and had to push that into the back of his mind so he could fight aliens in the Battle of New York.

In TWS, he’s still struggling to find his footing between his past and and present. He visits Peggy and is happy that at least she was able to move on and have a life for herself, but every visit is melancholy and ends the same way - she slips out because of her dementia and he has to relive her finding out that he’s real and in front of her every time. I wouldn’t want to wish that experience on anyone, but do you know what that’s like to deal with a person who has that? To think you’re finally getting somewhere with someone for a moment and then the lucidness wears off and suddenly your heart is ripped out of your chest because you’re back at square one? To do that every single time you see them? Sam asking him what makes him happy breaks my heart every single time because he’s never been given the opportunity to figure that out, and once he learns that Hydra, again going with the whole “I crashed my fucking plane into the ocean and this shit is STILL happening” arc, has been entangled with SHIELD from its infancy, he knows the mission to take it down takes precedence over trying to take the time and figure that out for himself. Now, this movie is the Winter Soldier, and there’s Bucky to cover. At this point, Steve knows he doesn’t have much time with Peggy left when he uncovers the identity of The Winter Soldier. These two pillars are the last remaining ties to his past, which is why he tries so hard to try to joggle Bucky’s programming with not fighting back and the “I’m with you til the end of the line”. Steve knows he’s in there, he just had to get him out. He’s successful, and then that jump-starts the search post TWS leading into Age of Ultron and ending in Civil War.

Age of Ultron..is…well, okay it has more problems than anything else however, at this point it’s been three years since he’s been living in the future, and it would make sense that Peggy is still on his mind in Wanda’s dream sequence for him. He confirms it in Endgame for the first time by saying it aloud, but Peggy was the love of his life. It’s normal to dream about lost loves. He’s a man from that older era though, which is why we only have a stolen moment of him trying to remain stoic because he has to be a leader and appear unaffected for the sake of his team and the mission. I really wish the deleted scene where he comes out of the quintet with his coal to see the image of Captain America with the words “Fascist” above spray-painted on a building wall before he throws the helmet back inside was kept in because it shows SO MUCH without saying anything at all. This is where we see that break between who is he and what his superhero persona is supposed to represent. It’s not Captain America who makes Steve Rogers Steve Rogers, it is Steve Rogers who makes Captain America Captain America. And once again, we find him trying to make the sacrifice play if they aren’t successful and can’t get all Sokovian citizens as well as themselves out in time. Now all while this is happening, Sam is still trying to look for Bucky for Steve.

Which brings us to Civil War. Never has that line between his past and present been more apparent because it’s literally the plot to this movie. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Bucky is deprogrammed but broken and more importantly to Steve - alive- and he knows that Bucky has that blood on his hands that Hydra used and abused him into spilling and that’s why if he could just get Tony to see that with these accords the powers at be, along with every country who signs, can dangle their help for political gain like they’re puppets on strings just like he was. Do they need to be put in check? Perhaps, but not by people with an agenda. It’s a dangerous game they’d be playing with no winners which is why Steve doesn’t sign them. And during that meeting with all of them discussing this, Steve learns that Peggy dies so his stake in this fight to preserve the last tether to his past increases tenfold. He’s not just fighting for Bucky, Steve is fighting for himself. By the time he’s dropped that shield, we’re shown that Steve has lost faith in his government, he’s lost faith in his friends, and he’s lost faith in himself.

He’s in Infinity War for six minutes and forty five seconds is screen time so there’s not much content wise to go on, but when we see Steve he is clearly not the man he was and you can tell something is broken inside him, but it’s not explored until Endgame.

I’m just going to focus on Steve’s arc in Endgame because while I really liked most of it, Thor and Natasha deserved better than that so here we go. If you have not watched Endgame, don’t go any further.

Between waking up and immediately having to fight post defrosting and uncovering the truth about SHIELD using the Tesseract to make weapons, Hydra being an entangled part of shield, the events of Civil War, and by the time we see him in Infinity War he’s a shell of whatever former self he was trying to grasp at straws with, and it wasn’t until we had this film that we actually see to what extent that was.

Endgame opens three weeks after the snap, in a time where they’re still desperately clinging to hope with trying to find a way to reverse things. Carol saves Tony and Nebula while he’s on the very brink of death in the Benatar, and tensions between the Steve and Tony are at an all time high. They lost. Everyone. They’re the Avengers, how could they lose?

Time jumps five years. Tony is living on a lake and has a young daughter with Pepper, and Steve has now taken over for Sam in leading group therapy meetings. Joe Russo’s character says he went on a date the night before and that his date cried before the salad and he cried after the dessert and there was nothing they could truly talk about because what could you talk about if half of the universe, including people you knew and loved, vanished in an instant and where you’re borderline living in some version of Lord of the Flies? He offers words of comfort, but he and half the people in that session don’t fully believe them. He lost the love of his life in ‘45 and woke up seventy years later and he hasn’t had a single moment of rest to do so. It weighs on him, on all of them. Natasha is at Avengers HQ still trying to find ways to help, and because of the nature of their work and who they are as individuals they can’t truly move on, him especially. But seeing Tony with his daughter I think was a catalyst of sorts for Steve, even if it didn’t fully register for him at first. One of the themes through Age of Ultron was this notion of “home”, and being an Avenger was something they all pretty much had to put first. Tony got his family, he got his home, and for someone who thought that the man who went into the ice seventy years couldn’t have that himself, there came a small burst of a what if. What if he could have that as well? If it happened for Tony…

Seeing Peggy in 1970, seeing his photo on her desk…that did something to him as well. After all those years, he’s still on her mind just seemingly as much as she’s on his. He gets that moment of seeing her again, and that longing was heartbreaking. Just one more look before he had to go back - something just for him because the mission came first, it always comes first, and he didn’t want to screw anything up so he buries it like he does everything else. Steve’s an intelligent little shit though and we’ll come back to that later.

Now here’s where I also need for you to keep in mind the conversation Banner had with the Ancient One in 2012. The Ancient One is hesitant on giving him the Infinity Stone because it will disrupt the pre-determined timeline, but Banner explains that the past is cemented in time and forever exists to allow for a subject to jump through time. Reality is experiential for individuals, meaning a person’s perception of time is linear, regardless of how they jump around the timeline. In layman’s terms, you travel to the past, that past becomes your future and your former present becomes the past which then cant be changed by the new future.

We’ve always known Steve is worthy of wielding Mjolnir so let’s just skip to the ending now shall we?

At the end, Steve goes alone to return the stones to their proper place in time, but also has become well versed in time travel for someone who���s not Banner or Tony. He sees this as a chance to have something that’s been unattainable to him for so long - to live the life Tony wanted for him. To be happy. To not have to fight for once in his life. So he goes to the right place in while in the quantum realm as to not disrupt the main timeline, and that’s when he doesn’t return we see that he’s become an old man finally at peace, handing Captain America’s shield over to Sam, who more than deserves the mantle, not exactly telling him that he got his happy ending with Peggy, choosing to keep it to himself and yet smiling wistfully all the same.

He never changed anything about Peggy’s future either. SHIELD clearly still exists, and do some people honestly think he wouldn’t give her the choice? If he didn’t think there was a strong enough of a chance or had she turned him down someway he would have respected her and returned to the main present timeline. Nothing changed about that, it was just an alternative path. By going back, Peggy’s life without Steve still exists and that Peggy who gets her reunion with Steve now represents a branch timeline.

I get not everyone liked the ending, I do, but to be fair, just because they didn’t like Steve’s ending because it doesn’t fit what they wanted doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fitting end for Steve. He can rest now. Finally.

[littlemsstark3000]

Whatever It Takes

Avengers: Endgame - IronWidow fix

Something happened.

Tony knew it. He figured it out through the empty space beside him, the discarded pillows, his bare body under the sheets, and her scent mixed with the vodka which they shared.

Natasha was there. And she was gone before he woke up.

He shut his eyes again. Scenes from the previous night started replaying in his mind. They had more than enough liquor but they were not drunk, he was sure of that. He was aware of what was happening from the time he leaned dangerously closer towards her and planted a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips. If she tried to stop him, he would have backed off. She did not.

He groaned, mind blurred of what to do next.

Was he supposed to call or message her? Check where she was? Ask why she just left? Say he was sorry?

But he wasn't a bit sorry for what happened. He wanted it... since when, only heaven knew. The question was if she wanted it the same way, or she has regretted it the moment she woke up and realized what they have done.

Eight months ago, they lost to Thanos. He snapped and gone was 50% of the living, including the closest people to him and to her. Peter was dusted in his arms in Titan. Clint lost his whole family, which eventually led to Natasha losing her bestfriend in him also.

When Tony was rescued in space by Nebula and Captain Marvel, he returned to a very quiet compound. Natasha, Steve, Bruce and Thor were the only ones left there. Rhodey and Pepper came the soonest they got the word about his return. They arrived as he lay in the med bay with the only female Avenger left watching over him.

The reunion was a lull before the storm that was his confrontation with Steve. The pain, the betrayal, the anger he harbored in his chest for their Cap since Siberia made him snap, too. What remained of his belief that they could avenge for the earth when they could not protect it - dusted. That night, Natasha went to his room and apologized for the hurt that she also caused him. He has long forgiven and understood her, and he let her stay until he slept.

The next day, he learned that the team has traced Thanos and attacked him to retrieve the infinity stones, in high hopes that they could still revert what happened. They did not get them... not even one.

Days later, Tony got well and chose to move on, opting to live alone this time in a lakehouse far from the city. He worked for Stark Industries, his own company still managed by Pepper, remotely. He enjoyed a more private life.

Among the then-Avengers, it was only with Natasha that he communicated. Bruce and Thor disappeared to somewhere he did not mind knowing about. They needed to rest, too. Steve stayed behind but opted to lie-low from being a supersoldier. While she, keeping herself together, continued to do work and organized a new team which could look after what was left of the world. With much respect for her choice, he made it clear that even if they were already far from being teammates, he was just a stone throw away especially for her, always.

And it was because of that mutual understanding that Natasha knocked on his door last night and broke down after a few glasses. Both of them were still grieving for their losses, no matter how hard they hid it. Both of them were still looking for answers even if it looked like they have moved on. Both of them, at the back of their minds, were still hoping that they could bring everyone else back.

Vulnerable, they succumbed to the temporary aid which they could get from each other on his bed. It wasn't hurried, but every touch, every move, every moan was desperate to satisfy their need for comfort. Once was not enough. They gave in again. And again...

Tony cleared his head with a cold shower then decided to go to her at the compound. He did not know what to say; he just had to see her first.

Natasha sat on her work desk, going through whatever she was doing on her laptop, when he entered her office.

"Tash," he stood before her table.

"What's up, Stark?" She did not even look up to him.

It felt like a kick on his gut. "So we're back to surnames only. That's cool," he replied with pure sarcasm.

"If you're here to talk about what happened, you shouldn't have bothered."

"Why not?"

She chuckled. "We're two consenting adults. It's done and over."

He followed her with confused stare and rising irritation as she walked to the side table and made a sandwich.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Natasha raised her eyebrows to him. "Why? Oh don't act too modest on me. That's the least I will expect, especially from you."

His fists balled inside his pockets, he filled his lungs with much-needed air. "I'm not here to say I am sorry for what happened because really, I am not."

"Then? Don't tell me you worry about me getting..." She paused but he got it. "You know that's impossible."

"Natasha -"

"I'm not gonna run after you because of what happened, Stark. It was just good sex."

His face heated up and his teeth clenched so tight that it already hurt - whichever hurt more, his jaw or his heart, he didn't care. Before he could do something he would regret more, he turned to leave immediately, shutting the door loudly behind him... missing to catch Natasha's rattled expression, trembling lips and teary eyes.

That was the last time they saw each other.

*****

Four years later, Natasha appeared at his doorstep again - this time, with Steve and Scott Lang, presenting a possible way to get back what they lost to Thanos.

Quantum realm. Time heist.

"The stones are in the past. We can go back. We can get them," Steve said.

"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everybody back," she added.

"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" he quickly countered, eyes bore into green ones.

His two other guests tried to justify some more, but each argument, he had an answer to.

Finally, Natasha spoke again. "Tony, we have to take a stand."

Great, she just called him by his first name again, reminding him of the good relationship they shattered with one steamy night followed by a more heated encounter.

"We did stand. And yet, here we are," he couldn't help being straightforward.

She turned her head, looking away.

He sighed. "I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else."

Natasha never looked at him again until the three of them left. His chest tightened even if it was him who declined their proposal. He knew he hurt her by crushing her hope. But he was actually scared to try again and fail. There was a bit of probability that they might do it right but he could not risk, could he? It would be too painful, if they would be lucky to even live after, that is.

When he lied down that night, in the same room where they spent that one night together, Tony still could not rest his case. He remembered Peter. He remembered Clint's lovely family. He thought about Natasha... and how she would have looked happier if he said yes to their idea that afternoon.

Those thoughts and the tiny bit of probability pulled him up from his bed to his little workshop.

*****

He made it work and they did it. They, the Avengers, won this time around.

After they collected the infinity stones from the past, with Clint's inevitable sacrifice in Vormir, and despite the accident that brought Thanos and his troop to the present, they managed to pull through in the battle. Bruce as the Hulk snapped with the gauntlet that Tony made and the bad guys turned to dust.

They lost two heroes in one day... but the ones who have returned, together with the four Avengers left, swore to their gravestone that the earth, with their loved ones in it, would be protected again at all cost.

Steve went back to the past to return the stones in their respective places. But he did not come back. They should have figured it out when he said goodbye to Bucky and left his shield to Sam before he stepped into the time heist.

Thor, sober and with renewed determination after he has spoken with Almother, led the New Asgard with Valkyrie.

Tony and Natasha promised to keep the rest of their team together whatever it takes. But it had to start by fixing what was between the two of them...

Like the night of Tony's return from space five years ago, she went up to him. He was awakened by movement on the bed in his room in the compound. The next thing he realized, the redhead was snuggled up on him, her arms around his neck, hands clasped on his nape.

"Tash..." He called her name softly and kissed her hair.

"Thank you, Tony."

Natasha looked up to him, and as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he caught her eyes shiny with tears.

"I don't and won't ever take full credit of our win, if that's what you are thankful for," he smiled as he wiped her eyes with his thumb.

She shook her head. "I thank you for trying one more time. It wasn't a simple decision, I know. You've left this life behind for a more peaceful one and moved on," she caressed his cheek. "Now you're back here with us."

Tony shifted their positions so he was half hovering comfortably over her.

"When I was trying to figure out how we could pull off that quote-unquote time heist, you know what was on my mind?"

"What?"

"Oh, it wasn't a what but a who," he tapped his point finger on the tip of her nose. "You."

"Tony..."

"I haven't said it yet but I really like it better when you call me by my first name."

She sighed. "I'm serious."

"Same here. So serious about you that I risked screwing up reality."

She fell silent as she just stared into his eyes.

"Guess that's another way of saying I love you, Natasha. I've always cared so much about you... Damn it, I can't even stay mad at you for 24 hours straight."

"I'm not good with words, Tony."

"Not a problem."

His hand trailed from her side to her hips to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, the same time that Natasha lifted her face to meet his lips that instantly opened up to hers.

That one night long time ago was never enough. They gave in again. And again. And again.

[goodomensmostlyoftenscrowley]

In Furfur's angel book, under Aziraphale's spot is an angel known as "Baraqiel", but also throughout Aziraphale’s passage are Furfur’s notes about Crowley, albeit like the book are badly spelled.

On sighting: AVVOID. A wily opponent, this demon smiter must be warily approached. Report any interactions to the demon Crowley.

Crowley is, then circled with the following notes, again with bad spelling. Changed his name? Yuck! Crawley is suspishus! Don’t trust him! His hair is bad!

Then Baraqiel’s passage begins:

Baraqiel

Dominion. Angel of the Sky.

Appearance: Hair an eye-burning jinnjer. Eyebrows with the appearance of a grisly slug. Often graped in red. Occashunly damp, most likely singed.

The rest of the passage is cut off by the end of the paper and the next page is filled by Aziraphale’s picture.

Most of this appearance could be interepted to describe Crowley.

An eye-burning ginger. (Also, David Tennant character has noted a particular interest in being ginger so…)

I’m not sure what eyebrows with the appearance of a grisly slug means though.

However, often draped in red. May be a bit much to consider Crowley, while he does have red/ginger hair, he usually wears black though the color he usually contrasts the black with usually is red.

And again, I’m not sure what “Occasionally damp, most likely singed” means, they seem to be opposites to me but they’re demons. They can't spell and frankly they don't seem to be able to read too well (thought it may just be dark in Hell)

A dominion is what Muriel mentions is considered be considered acceptable to open Gabriel’s file, “a throne, a dominion, or above” and Crowley mentions how he hadn’t worked with weather in years, but this is really all we have to work on in-universe. I don’t know who Baraqiel was in any sort of mythology or religion, really if they weren’t in Supernatural, Good Omens, or Lucifer, I’m lost when it gone to religious angels.

Here's a picture of the two pages.

I recently found this one theory on TikTok and I think this may be Crowley’s identity. I wrote this reblog/reply last night to another tumblr user and I'm just using it to spread my theory because there's no sense in rewriting it. So I copied and pasted it below.

I've just found the theory that Crowley may have been the archangel, Kokabeil who was the angel of the stars.

However, he did fall but not because he was evil, no, no, no--but because he didn't like how the demons were treated after they fell and think about it, the impulsive, curious Crowley voices his opinion and remember how angry God got at Job for wanting to know what happened to his children. She acted like he had no right to ask her what her actions had done to his own children, now think about a much younger God being questioned by a high-ranking archangel and this is Crowley so likely it wasn't really done with lots of politeness even back then, Crowley wasn't exactly as polite as Aziraphale but more innocent. This means that he didn't fall during the "Fall" but after the "Fall" which is why he insists he didn't fall but "sauntered vaguely downwards"

There are persoanlity traits that line up. Kokabiel was described as being childlike and fair, especially when it came to the stars just like how Crowley was acting when he was creating the nebula. And his name literally translates into "Star of God" which was fitting because he taught his pupils--other angels about the constellations just like he was doing with Aziraphale.

One source states that he was quite philosophical to the point that his readings didn't make much sense. Even Aziraphale seems to think Crowley is a bit off when he can't remember the saying of what water slides off of while they're at dinner and then later when they're back in the care at the very least half an hour later he suddenly shouts out, "DUCKS!" (Though I've always thought of this as proof Crowley may be ADHD but that's another argument/rant)

Aziraphale and Crowley often have philosophical debates with Aziraphale having having little opinion himself, always staying firmly on God's and heaven's side, "the ineffible plan" but when Crowley points out the unfairness to everyone else like the poor opposed to the rich or how banishing Adam and Eve from the garden from just taking an apple as if was their first offense, Aziraphale always brushes it off, stating it's best not to speculate while Crowley does speculate. Crowley's morals always seem to be for equality and fairness as oppose to Aziraphale's subtle (or subtle compared to other angels') holier-than-thou attitudes. Aziraphale is insistent that good will always win while Crowley doesn't want anyone to win because it's not fair to anyone, he seems to feel that with the war, everyone loses, especially the humans which is why he's so upset when he speaks to God saying "don't test them to destruction" because he knows they'll all die and angels and demons are just going to get hurt again, just like before while Aziraphale sees it as an unfortunate inevitability but is only convinced by Crowley's "tempting". You have to remember, Crowley fell but Aziraphale did not. Crowley mentions not being the "original concept designer" but working very closely upstairs on it, presumably God or at the least Metatron.

Also this may be for all angels but I always found it odd that Neil Gaiman specifically confirmed that Crowley was genderfluid, I mean, Crowley specifically, instead of several angels and demons at once, but why Crowley specifically? Sure, fans speculated because he played the female nanny to Warlock but there are plenty of angels who are generally considered to be the opposite gender than they're portrayed by in the show, God is generally assumed to be a male and so is Michael and Shax but they're portrayed by female actresses. Uriel is typically shown as male but is played by a female actress and is portrayed as non-binary. Pollution and Beelzebub were both male in the books but portrayed by female actresses and are presented as non-binary, sure, they're general gender is angel or demon or... horseman (whatever pollution is) but Crowley specifically is referred to as gender fluid and Kokabiel is generally presented as male but some believe he can appear as female. I may be reading into that one though but it's always been struck me as odd that only Crowley is described to be genderfluid, the only one out of all the angels and demons. But again, this is just according one source I found on Google so it may just be that Neil Gaiman sees Crowley as Genderfluid which is great and totally acceptable.

But my point is I am certain that Crowley is Kokabiel and it counts as a reference to Doctor Who so what else do you expect from David Tennant.

Sorry for this long rant.

Kokabeil is my personal favorite theory and as we all know Doctor Who references seem to gravitate to David Tennant.

Anyone else had new thoughts on who Crowley was before the ‘fall’ since Season 2 aired…

I know the Raphael theory is still knocking about (actually had a weird epiphany regarding this last night so more of that later) but I think Crowley was an entirely different angel.

From Season 2 we now know he was a very powerful angel indeed (dominion, throne or greater) thanks to his classified document clearance in heaven, but also because of the seriously powerful miracle he and Aziraphale cooked up with very minimal effort.

After an initial idea and since doing some research, I’m leaning towards him being Samael, Angel of Death.

Now I don’t mean Samael as in the one who becomes Lucifer - there are many texts that see these as two separate entities, with Lucifer falling thanks to his pride and Samael… well did he even fall at all?

Samael is one of the Angels of Creation alongside Orifiel, Anael, Zachariah, Raphael, Gabriel and Michael. In Season 2 in episode 1 we see Crowley as an Angel playing a pretty big part in the creation of the cosmos, in collaboration with others.

Samael is the ruler of the Fifth Heaven, which happens to be Earth.

Samael is known as the “Venom of God” and is executioner of death sentences as decreed by God. He is the accuser, seducer and destroyer. As a seducer, Samael tempts humans into committing evil deeds. Through Samael, God tests humanity and the Archangel draws out the sinful and unrepentant, then God judges then and Samael destroys them.

In seducing humanity into acts of evil, Samael is just doing his job. He is both good and evil and is highly loyal to God’s word, doing his bidding without question - he mostly destroys sinners.

Samael is also the one who planted the Tree of Knowledge in the garden of Eden to tempt Adam. God however forbade Adam to touch it and punished Samael by banishing him. In retaliation, Samael took the form of the serpent and tempted Eve to eat the fruit from the tree.

When Abraham’s faith was tested by God and commanded to sacrifice his son Isaac, it was Samael who whispered in his ear to disobey.

So where does Crowley fit into this then? Well Samael hasn’t exactly ‘fallen’ from heaven, his angelic role took him down to Earth, performing deeds considered demonic and evil and his refusal to bow down to God’s creation led to his banishment. You could say he ‘sauntered vaguely down’?

We know from Season 1 that Crowley was the serpent that tempted Eve so he fits into the Samael theory there.

In Season 2 we see that Crowley had a ‘permit’ from God to destroy Job’s children and possessions to test his faith in God.

In Season 1, Crowley talks to God and says “I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. But you shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

So whilst Samael is an Angel, he very much has the role and characteristics of a demon and can be described as a fugitive or wanderer.

Regarding Samael planting the Tree of Knowledge, who else do we know with a bit of a plant fetish?!

Some other fun facts: Samael has red hair, and is associated with the planet Mars. He is also associated with the left side, the North and Tuesday.

It’s also said that Samael’s name shouldn’t be spoken aloud so as not to draw his attention - is this why Crowley chose a different name and doesn’t introduce himself to Aziraphale at the Horsehead nebula?

——————————————-

So here’s the slightly scary part and if Crowley actually was/is Samael…

In the Second Coming (as was mentioned as Heavens next focus at the end of season 2) the messiah is supposed to deliver everyone from death and everyone will be resurrected. But he’ll do more than bring life, he’s supposed to bring an end to death itself, including the very concept of it. Without the finality of destruction, the Angel of Death (Samael) serves no purpose and is himself, annihilated. Thus, with death undone, Samael becomes the Anti-Christ.

Could season 3 see Aziraphale finally forced to make a choice between heaven and the one he loves?

[natashaashleymarvelromanoff]

Im so glad you’re back  chapter 2

So here’s my second chapter!! I was originally planning on uploading this on Friday but I couldn’t help but upload it early!!

Next chapter should be up soon and I hope you enjoy this one!

Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts or ideas

You can also read this fic on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19045453/chapters/45375688#workskin

  It's been 3 weeks. Or more specifically 22 days since the snap. Since they lost half of the universe. Half of the planet. Half of their friends.

All Natasha could do was work. She needed to do something. Anything. Anything that could help them.  She barely slept. Afraid to be alone in her bed having got so used to having her soldier there. She didn't even have sam or Wanda to keep her company either. They both were lost to the snap too. All three of her friends that she had spent the last 2 years with, they were gone. She could barely eat as well. Anything she did she couldn't keep down. Everyone left had noticed that the snap had affected her the most, just in the way she had changed since they had known her. Even Carol who she had only just met noticed how distraught she had seemed to the rest of them.

It took them a few days but eventually using the pager they found they were able to send the signal to her. And thankfully she came.

Carol felt for the woman. She had obviously lost someone important to her, they all did but she suspected it was more than just friends. She didn't want to ask Natasha directly, but she figured she lost the love of her life by the way she was reacting.

---

The white glow of the bathroom light stings Natasha's eyes as she looks up into the mirror. The blonde could barely even look at herself anymore, her own face, proof that she hadn't been taking care of herself. Bags under her eyes, the paleness in her skin. She could barely even keep food down for god's sake. She's experienced loss before, she'd been through battle, missions, and wars, but this, the aftermath of the snap. This had shaken her to her core.

Just as she observed herself in the mirror the ground started to shake. Almost like an earthquake. Almost. It wasn't the ground that started it, it was coming from above.

Rushing out of the bathroom in her room and Grabbing a jacket the blonde spy ran outside of the Avengers compound along with bruce rhodey and pepper. In the distance of the sky, she could see a small glow underneath a massive ship. It was Carol, she was back, she’d found them.

Once they had talked to Carol when she first got here, they had explained that some of their friends were still missing, on another planet somewhere. Rocket told her that he could help track his ship if she was able to go get it. It took a while but they worked to locate it and found it drifting in the middle of space. Once Rocket had confirmed it was his ship she left to go bring it back. They didn't know who she would be bringing back though. There was no way to communicate with the ship since it was damaged from the fight on Titan, they would just have to wait.

Natasha watched as Carol carefully brought down the ship and landed it on the field, she hoped they found more than 1 of them. Rocket had lost his tree friend Groot. She didn't want him to lose everyone. And god she hoped her friends were still alive.

Once the ship was steady, the ramp for the entrance came down. Stumbling from the inside of the ship was tony. Natasha instantly ran to grab him along with Rhodey. God she was glad to see him, she let herself smile for just a moment before she got closer to him, He was so thin, so tired. He'd been up there for too long.

“I've got you tony, don't worry.” Grabbing onto his arms to support him, Natasha let Tony use her as a crutch, whilst reassuring him that she could help him. He was gasping for breath, having almost run out he was gulping as much as he could. His mouth dryly trying to speak to her as they made their way down the ramp.

“I lost everyone. I lost the kid.” The man of iron sounded so defeated. Natasha let a tear fall at his words. The kid, Peter. Peter was gone. Peter was awfully sweet when she met him. God, He was only 17. Shaking her head at Tony she tries to give him a sad smile, trying to make him feel better.

“It's okay, it's okay, it wasn't your fault.” As they get to the bottom of the ramp, Natasha loses her grip on her oldest friend, letting him walk the rest of the distance to his love.

Pepper practically ran over, her arms wrapping around tony as she pulled him closer.

Natasha watched as they reunited, she couldn't be more thankful that she got her friend back but there would always be a small part of her that was jealous that they still had each other.

---

“He used the stones again?” Natasha asked the racoon. After giving Tony some treatment and letting him rest, the rest of the Avengers gathered in the common room, trying to formulate a plan. The rocket was explaining to them that the stones created a power surge, bigger than anything anyone has seen before. Something so unique that they would know if a power surge like that ever showed up again, it would be Thanos and the stones. Luckily he and nebula traced another surge, exactly the same as the snap on another planet. Far across the galaxies.

“You don't think he used them to kill people again do you?” Rhodey asked as he walked closer to the hologram in front of them.

“I doubt it. If that's what he had done we would've known about it.” this time it was nebula who answered Rhodey's question, her deep voice sounded pained at talking of her father.

“We need to get them back. If we get the stones we can bring everyone back. We owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try.” This is it. Natasha thought. They finally found something. They had a chance. She almost thought she might have sounded crazy as she spoke since no one agreed straight away. Until someone did.

“Your right. We need to try. We have to.” it was Carol. Natasha could already tell her and Carol were going to get along well.

…..

Since Carol had brought tony and nebula home, rocket and the blue cyborg had been working relentlessly to fix their ship. And she guesses they finally did. All of the Avengers boarded the ship and strapped themselves in their seats, rhodey sat at the back, Natasha and Thor next to each other, Carol and rocket in the pilot seats and finally bruce and nebula sat down the front of the ship.

Rocket slowly flew their ship into the atmosphere and then suddenly slowed down, talking about how they were ready to hyperjump, or something similar, Natasha wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. All she could think about was getting everyone back.

"Okay, which ones of you haven't been to space” the racoon spoke up. both her and rhodey raised their hands, and then looked at each other in almost a worried way.

“ Don't throw up in my ship.”

Then they jumped.

The Russian had never seen anything like it before, it was beautiful. Space just flinging past her at light speed as she travelled through the universe. Out of instinct, Natasha turned to her right, ready with a small quip about star wars. But when she realised there was nothing there except the interior of the ship, she slightly turned into herself. She’d almost forgot that he wasn't there. It was just second nature to her now to turn to her right.

A few seconds later the ship entered another hyperspace portal or whatever it was called.

They were here.

Flying out from the ship, Carol used her powers to fly out in the middle of space, turning back to the ship she told them she would look to see if he was alone or what they were up against. To see if he had armies or defence.

He didn't. There was nothing. No army, no defence, no satellites. Nothing. It's just him

----

Using the ship to enter the atmosphere they landed it quietly in the field.

The purple titan moved slowly around his farm, preparing himself food when suddenly he was attacked, but he didn't have the strength to fight back. They had overpowered him.

As thor and carol restrained him, Bruce and rhodey used their weapons and suits to threaten him to stay where he was, Natasha walked up through the door. Marching up to the monster in front of her, she asked him calmly, to give her the stones. He struggled to reply since carols arms were choking his neck but the words he could get out left her devastated. He didn't have them. He destroyed them.

“I Used the power of the stoner's to destroy themselves. Reducing them to atoms. They're gone for good. They served their purpose.” No One knew what to believe. All shocked from what they had heard.

“No. no, they can't be. Where are they.” Natasha shouted into his face, her eyes wet with tears, brimming, threatening to fall down her cheeks in front of this nightmare creature.

“I told you. They're gone. I'm inevita-” with the swing of an axe his words were cut off. Along with his head.

Natasha gasped as she watched Thanos's head fall to the floor in front of her. He was dead.

Looking up at the axe’s owner, her eyes fell on thor. His face showing nothing but sadness and guilt.

“What did you do thor?” marching over to the god, her body filled with rage and sadness, she stopped herself in front of the large god and angrily watched him. Waiting for his answer. All thor could do was look at her in sadness. In guilt and sorrow.

“Why did you do that?” she yelled. Then he felt a blow to his chest. Natasha had hit him. To the god, it felt like nothing. But to her, it was all her pent up rage being channelled into her fists as she hit his chest over and over and over again, at the fact that he had killed the monster that had the stones.

She got a few blows into his body as she raged before he grabbed her arms and pulled her into his chest, the Russian avenger had tears running down her face at this point and just fell into her friend's arms defeated. Thor knew she was mourning for Steve and all their friends, but so was he. That's all they could do now, and they knew it. There's nothing they could do. Just mourn. This was it. Their last chance and they were too late.

The ride home was silent. Natasha sat at the back this time on her own. All she wanted to do was be alone right now, as she waited to arrive home she Just silently cries to herself. There was nothing she could do. She lost everyone, her friends, bucky, sam, wanda, Steve.

This was it. There was nothing, no chance. She lost him for good this time.

Once they arrived back home, Natasha made sure she was the first one off. Practically running back to her room at the compound so she could be alone. Not even bothering to remove her uniform before she made it to the bathroom, Natasha immediately went for the toilet, hunching over it and throwing up. The journey of travelling through space being too much for her body to handle right now, she was tired, with everything she had been through it didn't surprise her she was coughing her guts up every day.

Standing back up from the toilet, Natasha pushed herself away and back into her bedroom, her small fingers pulling at her belts, buckles and zips, releasing her from the tightness of her suit. She had changed into more comfy apparel, it was almost midnight here, all she wanted to do was go to bed and just sleep to escape the reality she was living at the moment. But as she pulled back the covers, her eye caught one of the photos she had next to her bed.

It was of Cooper and Lila holding Nathaniel when he was just a few weeks old. Looking at the photo hurt her. When they came back to new york the first people she tried to check on where the Bartons. But she couldn't get through to them. And when they went to check themselves, her niece and nephews were nowhere to be found. Neither was Laura or Clint. She tried to make herself feel better by thinking maybe they had just left but the picnic bench left outside full of food, that hadn't even been touched and a bowl of salad on the ground confirmed her suspicions.

She’d lost them too. Just looking at their faces, she couldn't help but feel like the universe had been extra cruel to her, taking away her best friends, her godchildren, her soldier, her steve.

She's known them since they were babies. She was there for Laura when she needed help, even to go get her food when she was craving something, even to help Laura through her contractions when she was pregnant with Lila. She remembered every second.

As Natasha reminisced about Laura and the kids, she almost froze on the spot. Dropping the picture, she took a few steps back.

Natashas breathes were getting deeper and deeper as she let her mind race with the facts.

Everything she's been going through. She was tired, sick, more emotional, she hadn't cried this much ever, she assumed it was because of Thanos and losing everybody but this was different, she'd seen this before. With Laura. All three times.

But it was impossible. “I can't- it's not possible,” she whispered to herself. Not believing her own hypothesis. She needed to make sure. She knew for a fact it wasn't possible but she couldn't get the nagging feeling out of her head. If Laura was here she’d know what to do, Natasha thought.

Natasha waited about an hour before she left her room. She assumed everyone would be gone by now, back to their rooms, thinking about their lives and futures and what they were going to do know.

She was doing the same, she needed to know if it was true.

She had to know.

Heading down to the medic lab, Natasha quietly let herself into the clinical room. Rushing over to one of the holo-screens. She used her hands to activate the AI.

“Friday, I need to you to do a scan on me.” she took a breath before she spoke. She couldn't believe what she was about to ask.

“Of course miss Romanoff, is there something wrong? Should I alert the others.” Fridays Irish accent sounded out over the speaker com.

“No! Everything's fine, I just need you to scan me, I just need to make sure.” no one could know about this not right now.

“Yes miss Romanoff, what scan shall I perform.”

“An internal one, mainly across my stomach.”

“Certainly miss Romanoff. “

A light flowed down her body as the artificial intelligence scanned her. Slowly analyzing her internal organs for any signs of her suspicions.

“Your scan is complete.”

Once Friday had stopped talking, her scan glowed in the dim room.

There it was. In black and white. Well, the blue glow of the hologram.

PREGNANT - POSITIVE

Natasha couldn't help but let out a gasp of surprise. It couldn't be? How is it possible. This can't be right. No, it can't be, not without steve here. She refused to believe it.

“Friday run it again, you can't be right. Just run it as many times as you can. “

A few more minutes went by but it felt like a lifetime. She knew what Friday had said but she needs to check. She had to. There's no way she could do this right now, not without Steve. Jesus, as if life had not been cruel enough to her. Not only had her friends been taken but now she may face the possibility of raising a child, their child on her own. In this terrifying new reality, Thanos had created.  She was in the middle of thought when the sound of the AI popped up again.

“Miss Romanoff i re-ran the scan 3000 times. My answer is certain. You are pregnant. I estimate around 2 months.“

“But how is that possible. I'm- in… I can't have kids Friday. This can't be happening, it just can't.”

“I'm well aware of your medical history miss Romanoff but my results are not wrong. You are indeed 2 months pregnant.”

Slightly stumbling backwards Natasha stops against a table, her thighs just hitting the edge at her back. This can't be happening. She was pregnant with her and Steve's child. At the realisation, Natasha's hand subconsciously rested itself on her stomach, where her child lay. She didn't know how to feel. Overjoyed? If she was a normal person in a pre-snap world, then yes. Sad? She just found out she had no hope of bringing her friends back. Numb. that's probably the most accurate feeling right now.

She shouldn't be doing this alone. This was hers and Steve's child. He should be here. He was supposed to be with her when she found out. To celebrate with her. To promise her everything in the world. To protect her and their child. He should be here. He would have been over the moon.  The thought of her child and Steve almost made her sob. He’s wanted a child of his own for as long as he could remember and he finally had it, but he wasn't here.

Suddenly behind her, she heard a noise. Turning her head to find the source

Natashas face falls at the sight of Carol. The glowing words PREGNANT still in bold letters next to her. Carol looked on at Natasha with shock and sorrow in her eyes.

The Russian just looked at Carol in defeat. There was no way of trying to explain this now, and there was no point of denying it either. Natasha turned back round to the words in front of her as Carol walked herself into the room.

“Natasha I- I don't know what to say.” Carol nearly stuttered as she spoke. She couldn't even imagine what Natasha must be feeling right now, she knows Natasha probably didn't want her to know either.

“Neither do I, but I don't think there's a lot to you can say to be honest.” Natasha couldn't move. Still froze in her same position after Carol came in, her eyes welling with tears at the thought of her near future.

“That's probably true but I'll give it a try anyway because I think you might need it.”

“I know how hard today was for you. And I'm sorry about your friends and Steve. But I think you should consider this a gift. You still have a part of him with you now. I know it wasn't supposed to end up like this and you probably never planned this. But now you have a chance to raise this baby. Yours and Steve's. Not everyone is gonna get this chance. You should cherish it. And know you're not alone.”

You're not alone. Those words stick with Natasha, she guesses that it's kind of true. This was her baby, and with it, she'll never be alone again. She had her friends that were still here.

Nodding at carol once she had finished, Carol moved a bit closer and her arms widened a bit opening up so she could give Natasha a hug. Natasha couldn't find the strength to refuse so she gladly hugged Carol back. After a few seconds, Carol and Natasha let go. Carol held onto Natasha's shoulder to comfort her until she pulled away to leave the room.

It's a depressing next few days for the Avengers. For the past 3 weeks they thought they still could have a chance but now they know they didn't, it was just quiet.

The first person to leave was Carol. She explains that she needs to help other people in the universe and that she needs to tell them about what happened and now they know there's not much they can do, she's not much help back on earth. Everyone is understanding, mainly because they want to go their own way too.

Next, are Rocket and Nebula. The last remaining Guardians. The cyborg and the racoon tell the rest they want to get back out there into space, try and get information on anything that could help them get everybody back, and also to help others.

Bruce says he wants time to himself to work things out with the hulk. After their little domestic during the war with Thanos, they needed to sort everything out.

Thor, Natasha can understand the most. He needs to find his people and find them shelter on earth and take care of his people. Thor is their king and she respects that he has other people he needs to take care of.

And rhodey says he wants to go around the earth, helping people and spreading the word of what happened. And helping to deal with the government

And Tony, well tony right now is still trying to get better since he was almost starved of oxygen and food in space for 3 weeks, but pepper was adamant when she told them she's taking him home And they are staying there till he's better. Besides, there was nothing tony could do to help now.

Natasha, of course, accepts everyone's reasons, they have their own lives, she can't expect them to stay here in the compound forever. Once everyone discussed what they were doing, the Russian avenger told them she would miss them.

“what are you gonna do Natasha?”  Rhodey asked her, it took her a few seconds to reply with an answer but she knew what she would do.

“I'm gonna stay here, at the compound.”

Everyone else looks at each other in question, almost worried. She would be all alone surrounded by the memories of all their friends that are gone.

Noticing their looks, Natasha defends her decision to them.

“Guys, stop worrying so much, I can see it on your faces, I'll be fine. Listen I can stay here as ground control, you can keep me updated on everything your doing to let me know your okay and I'll return the favour, this means we can contact each other regularly and gather information. “  their remaining teammates look around at each other again, taking in the spy's words and agreeing to what she was saying.

Natasha made sure not to mention her pregnancy, it would make things a lot harder, she didn't want to stop anyone from going on with their plans. If she left the baby out, everyone could just leave and not feel bad.

Through the course of the next week, Carol, rocket, nebula, Bruce, Thor, Rhodey, Pepper and Tony all leave one by one. Leaving Natasha alone in the compound. Just her, a hundred rooms full of memories and her baby.

[butwhyduh]

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Warning: it's long and sad.

Word count: 2150

Summary: basically what would happen if Tony Stark died instead of Peter Parker at the end of infinity war. Basically my one chance to write a space odyssey. For @naturallytom challenge. Part 1 of 2.

Peter sat in the cold chair overlooking space. Colors he couldn't describe flew by and he felt so lost. Nebula knew where they were. She could get them home. She got them to a inhabited galaxy and they were rescued by a people Peter couldn't even name. But the price of going to safety only days before they would have died was going farther from earth. Farther from his life. And no one to know he was alive.

"Kid, eat," Nebula said handing him a fruit. Peter nodded before taking a bite. He ate but had no hunger. Nebula assured him that it was from almost starving but Peter thought it was probably because he watched his mentor die in front of him.

"How long do you think it'll take to get to earth?" Peter asked.

"About a month," Nebula answered as she ate. Her knife sliced the fruit in her hand before eating.

"So Christmas," Peter said. He'd kept up with the dates. They were saved right around thanksgiving.

"What's Christmas?" Nebula asked. The pair talked about many things on the journey. It wasn't like they could do much else besides listen to Starlord's music.

"It's a holiday. Family gets together and gives each other gifts. There's food and lights. Its-it's nice," Peter said.

"That sounds... nice," Nebula struggled to say something nice. She wasn't used to being around someone as kind as Peter.

"I wish we could decorate in here. Or make some real food," Peter said wistfully. The ship felt colder than before and Peter pulled his boroughed clothing tight.

"Get some sleeps. Its been 22 hours since your last cycle," Nebula said looking at a monitor. Peter nodded and went to the back. He laid on a cot and strapped in to sleep. It wasn't long before he drifted off.

Nebula stared out. The people had been decimated by Thanos. His snap had killed half of them. She knew Peter was only holding on to get back to his aunt. What if she was dead? Would he lose his mind?

9 hours later Peter woke. Nebula was holding small swords in the middle of the room. Peter sat up quickly.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I think you need a hobby," she said practice swinging the swords.

"Knives?"

"A useful hobby," Nebula said handing Peter a sword. "These aren't dull. You can cut yourself. So don't."

Peter held it awkwardly. Nebula rolled her eyes.

"Earthlings are so weak. Hold it like this," She said handing him the sword correctly. "Turn your body sideways. Smaller target."

Peter turned and opened his legs hips width apart, mimicking Nebula. She nodded. She put her hand behind her back and Peter copied. Nebula held the sword out with her elbow slight bent. Peter made the same motion to have the sword hit from his hands by Nebula. Peter gasped.

"Hold it tightly. You're strong," she said. Peter picked up the sword and moved back to stance. Nebula hit it again and he held it tightly. She hit him from another side and he barely smacked it away. This went on for a minute.

"Hit me," Nebula said. Peter widely swung the sword and Nebula easily blocked and tapped him with the flat side. The rest of the session consisted of Peter trying to deflect and hit as Nebula easily bounced around him. By the end he was smiling, sweaty, and bruised. It was the first time he'd smiled in a long time. Nebula hid her smile as she took a drink. Peter greedily gulped his water. When they landed on the planet, Peter had drank so much fresh water that he literally threw up, much to his embarrassment. On the ship that only recycled water and towards the end, it was only a cup a day.

"Eat," Nebula said tossing him a bar and a fruit.

"What's that?" Peter said looking the colorful fruit over.

"Food. Eat. It'll make you strong," Nebula said. She viewed his collar bone and wrists being more defined. His high metabolism had made him skinny.

Peter tentatively tried the fruit before devouring it. "It tastes like a fruit roll up! Do you have more?"

"You'll only get 1 a day to make it last," Nebula said. "Watch out. I'm going to sleep. Don't touch anything. Wake up if you see anything."

"Oh-Okay," Peter said moving to the seat.

"I counted the fruit," Nebula said before laying down. Peter snapped his fingers in defeat. She was clever.

Peter watched as he saw nothing. But also He saw everything as they sped along faster than he scientifically understood. Which is a lot to say about a genius. He stared for hours as Nebula slept. Peter's eyes got heavy and he drifted off.

Peter woke to Nebula gripping his shoulder. He jumped up.

"Fell asleep on the job? You didn't do that when you were starving. You can clean the toilet when we next land," Nebula said pushing Peter out of the chair.

"Aw man," Peter said.

"No sleeping next time," she shrugged.

And for the next 5 days they followed this pattern. Peter sleeping, training with the sword, eating, bothering Nebula, and watching out as she slept. Finally Nebula wakes Peter during his sleep time to tell him that they were landing on a safe planet.

Peter wiped the sleep from his eyes and grabbed his iron spider suit. He snapped it on over his clothing. Nebula seemed relaxed but Peter was nervous. Any place could be dangerous. The sky was blue and the visible dirt poking through the dense foliage was pink. When Nebula opened the door, a wave of heat hit Peter and he put his mask on.

"Guard the ship. Turn on the incinerator," Nebula said.

"Really?" Peter protested. "I can't leave?"

"We're here just to buy supplies. Don't do anything until I come back. I'll bring more fruit," she said. Peter groaned before sitting in the pilots chair.

Nebula rolled her eyes as she left. She didn't know why she kept the Stark boy. She could have left him on Titan, or planted him back on the first planet they landed. But she felt she owed him a ride back. She had helped Thanos for years towards his goal. And if she hadn't told Gamora where the soul stone was, Thanos would never know.

She met the people outside her ship. They were primitive small people that barely fit the shape of humanoid. They were purple-ish brown with snouts and arms that closer resembled flippers. Nebula held her communication device close to her face and announced her wish to trade. The people parted and a leader came forward. Nebula began offering what she had for trade and the leader agreed.

On the ship Peter sat with his feet on the console. Nebula never let him. He was also eating some kind of sweet bread. Music played in the background. It was under the name sTarLLord89. Whoever it was, had tons of 80s earth music.

Peter was softly bobbing his head when Nebula ran in with a crate of food. Peter quickly flopped his feet to the floor. "What's going on?"

"Not. A. Peaceful. Planet," she said smashing the buttons to fly the ship away. Peter hopped ftom the seat and sat in his usual chair. Nebula roughly lifted the ship off the ground.

"What happened?" Peter asked after they escaped the planet. The ship survived with only a few scratches from spears thrown at it.

"They were cannibals. That's why you couldn't leave the ship with me. You would have been eaten," Nebula said.

"Eaten?"

"Yeah, kid. Inventory the box," she said.

Peter opened the crate to see a few boxes of the food bars, some fruit, and bread. A bundle of rags sat underneath. Peter pulled them away and shrieked.

"What?? What?" Nebula asked from her seat.

"There a spider?"

"You don't know?"

"It's kinda like a spider. In a cage. It looks like a pet or something," Peter said keeping his distance.

"Wait, Spider-Man is scared of a spider?"

"Maybe. You can look at it yourself," He said pouting. Peter grabbed a fruit and sat down. "I'm not dying from space spiders. I've seen that movie."

"What?"

"It's an earth thing. I'll show you," Peter said watching the box suspiciously. Nebula walked over to the box and laughed. A deep belly laugh of joy. It was jarring to Peter. He had never heard that in the weeks they've known each other.

"It's just," she resolved into laughter. "It's harmless. Come here," Nebula said opening the cage. Peter jumped back as it scurried up her arm.

"What should we name it? I had one as a child. I snuck it aboard a ship, just like this," She said smiling.

"You stole it??" Peter said.

"No, this was luck. I'm not turning around to bring it back. Here, have a pet," Nebula said placing the creature on Peter's shoulder. Peter shrieked.

"Take it back! The fuck! No! No. No," he said as she took it back. "I don't want a mutant spider on me."

"That's just ironic," she said sitting back in her chair. She pet the monster under the chin and Peter shuttered as it purred. "I had one until Thanos found it and killed it. Said it was a waste of air."

"He's just a horrible person," Peter said used to her talks about the horrors that Thanos had done to her.

"And I'm going to rip his throat out," she said roughly before going back to petting the animal. "It's your sleep cycle."

"Don't let that beast go. I don't want it laying eggs in me," Peter said suspiciously.

"I'm going to name it," she announced. Peter laid down to sleep. It took him longer to go to sleep after knowing the little monster onboard.

Peter didn't sleep any better. He often had bad dreams. He had dreams about Mr Stark turning to dust. The way he smiled and told Peter that it would be okay before he dusted.

This dream was the last few days before they were rescued. When they had run out of food and water and the air was going turn off soon. Peter felt the cracks on his lips. His throat painful to swallow. Nebula had gone a few more days without food. She could survive longer hungry with all of her mechanical parts. She was worried about Peter. He was laying around now. His skin thin and body bony. Peter could see the worry on her face.

Her hands ghosted over his face. His core temperature was dropping. He couldn't thermo-regulate any more. His lips cracked. Peter watched her in a haze. Peter couldn't understand why he lasted shorter as super human. He was supposed to be strong.

"Why," he crooked. Nebula moved over to him. "Why am I dying?"

"We have no food, kid. I'm going to get us saved. Okay? We'll be fine. You'll eat till you pop soon enough," she said with a false smile. The past few weeks she'd grown pretty attached to the kid.

"But I'm a superhero," Peter said softly with a weak smile.

"Still a human. I think your metabolism is super too. You have to eat a lot. We ran out a little early," she admitted. She clenched her jaw before releasing another smile.

"Makes sense. Yeah. Sorry about that," Peter said.

"No. Its Thanos fault. He's the bad guy here. Don't forget that," She said. She turned away and went back to the front.

--------------------------------------------

Peter woke up panting. He looked at his hands before relaxing. They survived. He was on the way home. He was okay. Nebula looked over at him before turning back.

"This planet you can get out," she said. Her own way of comforting Peter.

"I can?"

"It should be fairly safe. We'll be there shortly."

Peter hopped up and looked out the window. They were above a large metropolitan. Gleaming sliver and bronze buildings we're buzzing with creatures of all kinds. Peter slipped on the iron spider suit with the mask on.

"Smart. Earthlings would get attention," Nebula said. She was kinda proud of her companion. She had started to regard him as almost like a little brother. Peter waited for Nebula to walk out first. She grabbed her little monster before leaving. Peter was nervous after the last cannibal world. 2 tall elegant light green persons met the pair. They welcomed them to the world. Nebula paid them units and they motioned for a crew to do a tune up on the ship.

"We're going to sleep here tonight," Nebula said smiling. Peter gulped nervously. Was he going to be wearing a mask overnight? That wasn't super great for his skin. Nebula walked away from the landing pad and into the city.

"So you know this city?" Peter said following her.

"Oh yeah. I ran away as a kid and lived in the streets for a few months before I was caught again," Nebula said smiling.

"I don't want to be rude," Peter said ducking around a street cart. "But you need serious therapy."

"A what?" She said stopping before a stall making food. It smelled wonderful.

"Nothing."

Nebula ordered for them both. When the food arrived she was on the move again. Peter looked at the foreign food in front of him as he hurried to catch up. Nebula ate as she walked. Peter followed her lead. The flavor was unique but not a pre-made squished bar. In front of a modest building, Nebula stopped. She pulled out her purse and walked inside. Peter followed as she ordered 2 beds at a hostel. Peter sighed. He was sleeping in a mask.

Nebula laid down in her bed. Peter could see the damn little monster snuggling her. It took him a second to realize that this was her sleep cycle. A few other beds had people sleeping. Peter sat on his bed bored.

"Here, don't get in trouble. And don't get drunk," Nebula told him handing Peter some units. "Stay in the market and don't get lost."

Peter smiled. "I won't."

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[geekiary]

Avengers: Endgame is once in a lifetime cinematic experience.

Picked up right after the end of Avengers: Infinity War, the movie tells us how our heroes cope with the changing of the universe with half of it gone, and then how they deal with the lost and Thanos himself.

The movie itself premiered in my country on 24th April 2019, but I haven't written any review despite have watched it two times since to avoid spoilers, but I guess it's time.

I'm still going to put ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ warning just in case. And again, this is more about my personal opinion about the movie instead of professional review.

So. Here we go. What will you read below is going to contain spoilers, so please proceed with caution.

⚠️SPOILER ALERT⚠️

After a year waiting on how this whole Thanos debacle will conclude, Marvel Cinematic Universe presents us Avengers: Endgame. And despite having everything about the movie being guarded secretly so that it won't leak anywhere, we still got few things right.

First, time travel. This already been a fan theory. Because that's the only possible thing on how to re-do what Thanos done in Infinity War. At first, the story sets in 2019 right after Infinity War event, and then fast forward to 5 years later in 2023, where everyone already cope with their own way. And then after a mouse accidentally release Scott Lang from Quantum Realm, the story picks up from there.

Second, is the funeral. We all already guess that some would die in Endgame, and some of us guessed it right. Despite that, it still makes me cry.

And even though the movie can be categorized as once in a lifetime experience, it's far from perfect. Plotholes can not be avoided still.

Characters-wise, there are characters that are well-written, but there are also that disappoints me.

The well-written ones including Clint Barton. After being deprives of Hawkeye for years (how they didn't do him any justice in Avengers (2012) or Age of Ultron or Civil War and even had him not being there for Infinity War event at all), Endgame did him good. Endgame started with Clint and his family, and how they disappeared, leaving Clint alone. And then he turned to Ronin because of his anger, that Thanos snapped good people--like his family--instead of bad guys and that's why he went on a killing spree, to kill of those bad guys who still has the audacity to keep on living. And in this movie, if you Clintasha interaction after being denied from it for years, I think this movie going to satisfy you, despite what happened with Natasha later.

Talking about Natasha, the ends up died, so that Clint can get the Soul Stone from Vormir. And it's one of the saddest moment, but still, the plothole is disturbing. Because in order to get the Soul Stone, you must sacrifice the one you love. Natasha and Clint came to Vormir together. So they have to kill one of them to get the stone. But Clint didn't kill Natasha. Natasha killed herself, by throwing herself to the valley. But Clint got the stone still. But anyway, plothole or not, this moment broke me, because Natasha barely lived for all this time. The only family she got was the Avengers, and I want her to have a normal happy life somehow, instead of died like this.

For Bruce, he finally made peace with the Hulk side of his, after spending 18 months in his lab. The result is that Bruce is now big and green all the time, but in total control of his anger and strength. I can't say much about Bruce because I don't think he's being written badly, but I also can't say his being written well. Just so, so. However, I'm looking forward on what MCU has for him next.

And as for Thor... Oh my God, Thor. I've been wary of him. Because I don't think anything good ever happen to him since Thor Dark World. His mother died there. And then he broke up with Jane. And then his father died. And then he lost his whole planet. And Loki died. And he still can smile so wide? That worries me, to be honest. And in Endgame, they showed that Thor is actually not okay. And I'm glad they showed that. And I'm also looking forward for Thor next project after Endgame because I need to see him heal. Because if they left him like this, it won't be good anymore. Thor in Endgame will only be good if they made him heal.

While for Steve... *sighs*. I used to think that Russo Brothers are the best on writing Steve Rogers. But they ruined it in Endgame. Because that ending where Steve decided to be with Peggy and grow old and leave Bucky? Hm. I thought he is Steve "When I Had Nothing I Had Bucky" Rogers. I know this is probably because they need Captain America to retire and pass on the shield to Sam Wilson, but still. They could do better, I think. But despite that, I'm wheezing when they made Steve said, "Hail Hydra," and also made him be able to pick up Mjolnir. We've been waiting for that Mjolnir moment since 2012 and that's epic.

The last one, is Tony Stark. RDJ has been played Tony Stark since 2008. 11 years. And he will forever be Tony Stark, because for 11 years, he played the character very, very perfectly. The ending for Tony is very, very sad. Even until the very last moment I still hoped that he will live again somehow. But I'm glad Tony finally got the peaceful life even for only 5 years. Where he married Pepper and got a beautiful daughter named Morgan. He can rest now.

Other than the original 6, the other marvel ladies are also being so badass here. Nebula, Carol, Valkyrie, Pepper, Mantis, Gamora, Wanda, Hope, Okoye, Shuri, they are all kick-ass. So awesome.

Though despite the plotholes, I think the movie is satisfying still. What a ride.