#I've found a new hyperfixation
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I'm going to be discussing some of the sources that this guy has, so here is where I'm getting them from. This is from the description of his video https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DEzpr5TsV36_RulfcK0tL_FPb05j5cdfGDhYObwwGNQ/edit "Testosterone makes you more successful at trading on the stock market"
I am literally laughing at this. They are claiming that testosterone makes you better at this thing that is known for being incredibly unpredictable
There is a Michael Reeves video that perfectly shows this, as his fish makes better financial choices on the stock market than wall street bets. Idk if that's actually good, but I assume that these 'wall street bets' people are meant to be good
youtube
And don't forget the sample size. From the source that this dude uses "To find out, Coates and his Cambridge colleague Joe Herbert followed 17 male traders for 8 consecutive business days at a firm in London" and "In 14 out of the 17 cases, the traders earned more money on days they had elevated morning levels of the hormone"
So they tracked 17 people, for 8 days. Idk, doesn't seem that legit to me. I'm trying to watch this and give it a chance, but considering that this is one of the first sources that they use, I don't have much hope. I do however have hope that it will be just really funny to watch
Next point, "Testosterone makes you more attractive". I can understand what they're saying, the typical attractive man has a masculine face, which I imagine has a correlation to higher levels of testosterone. Nothing to add
"Testosterone makes you happier"
See, this is a different thing. I am not a proper researcher, I am random internet idiot, but I can see that the study that they linked doesn't seem to be relevant. In the study, they track the mood of hypogonadal men (the movie calls them men with low testosterone) with and without T replacements. The movie however, seems like it's going in the direction of "all men today should have more testosterone". I would also like to add that the supposed benefits of testosterone on these men seems oddly similar to mood benefits I've heard of from hrt (this is from memory, I can't remember the effects exactly and can't be bothered researching. Quite a common theme with me)
"Testosterone makes you more successful"
The source that he links says that "...implicit power motivation, is positively related to baseline testosterone levels...". So, increased testosterone makes people want power and dominance. Not exactly success, considering that 'success' is a subjective thing in of itself. He does link it to another source "The Winner Effect: Why Alpha Males (And Mice) Keep On Winning" which has a title that physically pains me
"Testosterone makes you a better person"
They link to a thing that makes connections between testosterone and altruism, using soccer fans as test subjects. They talk about how higher levels of testosterone increased ingroup cooperation, and more outgroup hostility. Being kind only to 'your group' doesn't make you a good person
Apparently testosterone also makes you lie less. Study looked alright to me, I only read the abstract tho
I'm watching this moviementry called "The War on Masculinity: Reloaded". It's obviously taking inspiration from The Matrix, and so I'm just laughing at this hyper masculine movie about "How Men's Hormones Are Being Altered" (from the title) is inspired, in part, by the work of trans women (who I believe intentionally altered their hormones, and would probably support it even if they don't do it themselves. Can't be bothered doing proper research and doesn't really matter)
Some of first scenes in the movie show a dude getting broken up with because his girlfriend doesn't love him, despite how much effort he puts into the relationship (oh he deserves her doesn't he!!), before a dude (Morpheus) appears out of thin air and teleports him to a cafe using a camera. Then they do the red pill blue pill thing, but with sd cards, make a meta joke about ripping off the matrix, and then do a dramatic title sequence with text. I'm probably going to keep posting about this as I watch this, but just wanted to point out that these people put Lorem ipsum into their finished product
Idk if you're really supposed to do that, but I thought that it was mostly used as a temporary filler text, not intended to be left in for a finished product. It was obviously not meant to be read, as right after this the blacked out text changes to this
THE FALL OF TESTOSTERONE
ANTI-MASCULINITY AGENDA
They also keep refering to it as if this is some suppressed truth, as you can see by the classified looking documents (wouldn't want lorem ipsum getting into the wrong hands now would we?)
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felizusnavidad -> pardonmydelays
#ok honestly i am so happy that i finally found the courage to do this#felizusnavidad you will always be my favourite url i've ever had but it's time to let her go#new era begins#new (old) hyperfixation new url#sorry to everyone who feels confused rn#also sorry to myself for keeping my christmas url for so long lol#pardon my delay i guess#i wanted something from midwest indigo or lavish or snap back or backslide or#but last night i realized navigating is THAT BITCH#too relatable maybe idk#anyway#not tagging anyone i'm sure my friends will find me anyway#she is gone but she used to be mine*
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#new hyperfixation just dropped#ugh insane over these dues#been playing for a few weeks but that does not mean I've made any progress!!!!#I love gay ass bitches#yeah. yeah ok.#Shoutout to my dad for being so nice to me even when I'm having the worst gameplay ever#he just like. sighs at me#re4r#leon s kennedy#luis serra#ashley graham#they're the trio ever to me tbh. I loveee found family#ig krauser is here too#and sherry. but whatever#serennedy#techincally#idk if any of these doodles count but just know they're real in my heart#you can totally tell my art style is sooo consistent right guys#im going to go pass out in a hole. yeah.#sorry for only posting two things about rainworld if you followed me for that#dayza drawings
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I ain't never drawing Rangi in her damn armor ever again. This this bitch is getting TOotWTT from now on TT0TT
#edit: That pics not my edit. it found it online TT0TT i just thought it'd drive the point home/was a good reaction pic#it's just an edit but gd it my hand#silly talks#maybe when i'm not doing it with a mouse and instead have a tablet I'll change but ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#it's what she and kyoshi deserve uwu#you get a white tank top! YOU get a white tank top! EVERYBODY GETS A WHITE TANKTOP!!!!!!!!!#'silly just how hard are you hyperfixating-' remember the age of korrasami on here? about as much if not more#sadly UNLIKE korrasami i have pretty much no (official) content to work with to make videos and other stuff with TT0TT#so i've taken a crack at redrawing/tracing ATLA/Korra scenes for my amusement ;w;#lemme ride it out it's not like there's any new-new persona content#'silly P5T and P3R' it's not like there's any P6 content 8U#wait fuck i just realized i have to draw 2-3 more frames fuuuuuuuck!#oh my hand is gonna die#i ain't built for this#(this has been your episode of 'silly breaks down in the tags~! :3c'
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PLZ watch santa clarita diet!!! im still so fucking angry it got cancelled by n*tflix it's so fucking funny and you will love joel (timothy olyphant's role) i think
I'm on Episode 4 right now and it's GREAT! I love that it's a lovely little mix of horror and comedy and they are both my favorite genres of movies and TV shows. I know I'm just gonna be sad when I get to the end of the third season because I know that's it. Fuck you, Netflix.
Joel is wonderful. I love him already. The babygirl-ism and the DILF levels are off the charts. He's just there to support his undead wife and their child (Also, didn't know Liv Hewson is in this either!) and I love him for that.
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hello tumblr *flops over and dies*
#today was. smth. ig#after the heart attack i had this morning my recovery exam went horribly bad and i failed my last math exam. yahoooooo#for some reason i don't actually care?? i might fail two subjects and yet i just can't seem to focus on it.......#maybe it's bc i haven't told my parents yet ahahaha...... woops ^^;#ANYWAYS i saw all the other pokemas art and died a bit more and my thoughts totally haven't been rotating over um. yk what#u see it's weird bc at some point of the day i completely forgor himeru had a new 4*..... damn u pokemon hyperfix grrr..........#it's not like my thoughts rotate around hop and marnie 24/7!! t-that's just stupid 😁😁#i just. i recently found this swsh fic and i'm OBSESSED it's the best piece of writing i've seen in my whole life......#AND NOT JUST BC IT HAS BEDEHOP!!!!!! bc it obviously does have bedehop BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!#it's just so...... so............. explodes into a thousand million pieces#ANYWAYS i think i should get going uhhhhh i don't rlly have any more exams so i should be back in the weekend?#if i don't fail maths and language ofc ahahaha BUT I WON'T!!!!!!! SO BYEBYE LIVE LAUGH LOVE BEDEHOP
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STEFI!!! how are you doing?
in this exact moment i'm not so well because i'm on my period and i'm agonizing in the office. other than that i'm good bb how are you? 💗💝💐
#also i've been raiding every poe dameron fic i've found on ao3 so it's safe to say i have a new hyperfixation#in my general bs teeheee#angie🌻#stefi answers#ily
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I've never been hyperfixated by my own fic before* but I just spent the ENTIRE weekend - Friday night through Monday morning - retyping/editing my Lucifer fic I started last Nano and then writing a brand new chapter for it and FUCK ME. 36,000 words and six chapters later, this fic is GOOD! Every character has a distinct (and in character) voice? Individual motivations and emotions that are both influencing and being influenced by the plot without being railroaded??
Like I knew I had improved on these things when I wrote my Turn Left AU, but shit, somehow this is even stronger. Yet all I did was hibernate between that story and this one? Astounding.
#*I've obsessively written fics before but it was a constant bashing myself in the head sprinkled with an occasional writer's high#This was like how adhd peeps describe hyperfixating with the fullly locked into the task 'what is food what is sleep'#'I have the same song playing on repeat and I am on a roll'#which I have only experienced when it was playing a new video game like when I found Stardew Valley and didn't leave my computer for a week#I've never experienced it with a task requiring my brain to create. So strange#But also super cool#I am so damn proud of this fic#It's going to be so damn good#Hopefully I can start posting it this fall!#I want the entire thing finished like Turn Left was. Then I can work on the sequel while I post chapters once a week#Ideally there wouldn't be much downtime between each fic
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butterfly effect - Spencer Reid
pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader (no use of y/n)
part two of Casual
Spencer and Reader's first meeting is revealed along with how both are feeling in the aftermath of the restaurant debacle in part one.
word count: ~6.4k
content: 18+ minors DNI! language, angst! fluff (oh the fluff in this one is sickly sweet - i told y'all i don't like unhappy endings)! smut (i simply could not help myself because i've had this one line stuck in my head for weeks and it just so happened to transition very well in this piece i'm not sorry): oral [male receiving], unprotected PIV, multiple orgasms mentioned.
dividers by @firefly-graphics
now playing: butterfly effect by Sophie Holohan also a hint of vulnerable by Leanna Firestone <3
Then…
You watched as drops of condensation raced down the side of your iced coffee cup, lost in your own thoughts as you ignored the hustle and bustle on the sidewalk to your left. It was a sunny morning on your day off and you were at your favorite local coffee shop, trying to ignore your work responsibilities for as long as possible. You were doodling in the rustic looking parchment journal you had found at a thrift store when you went shopping with Celeste and Maddie yesterday, and you had become enthralled with butterflies once more.��
You had a hyperfixation on the beautiful creatures when you were younger and in some circles were ashamed to admit how much you knew about them. They were just so fascinating and beautiful, how could you not adore them? You knew that this cafe’s outdoor seating area was teeming with them during April due to their migratory pattern as well as all of the plant life they had blooming within all of the scattered pots seated throughout the patio, so it was the perfect time for catching glimpses of the creatures you had lost touch with for many years.
A beautiful one with black and white coloring and long trailing wings fluttered by and you quickly snatched your cup and journal up as you went to follow the beautiful creature. If your memory served you right it was a Zebra Swallowtail, one you hadn’t seen since your childhood, and you were determined to capture its beauty in your new journal.
Your journey following the butterfly was short-lived though, when as you quickly exited the patio’s gate you ran smack into someone! You felt your condensation coated cup leave your grip as it was crushed between your body and the stranger’s and your eyes went wide as the drink spilled down their front, completely soaking through the button up they were wearing. And to add insult to injury, the manilla folder that had been in their hands was now absorbing the liquid on the ground.
With your now empty hand flying to cover your mouth, you began profusely apologizing, saying, “Oh my gosh I am so, so, so, so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going! You see, I saw this really pretty butterfly that I wanted to sketch and I didn’t want it to get away but now it has and I completely ruined your shirt and your file and you were probably on your way to work and now you’re going to be late because of me and smell like coffee the rest of the day and oh my gosh I am so sorry I am mortified right now!” By the end of your rambled on apology you had covered your face with your journal, afraid to look up at the person you had run into, especially after such a rambling and childish apology…
What surprised you was the person letting out a soft laugh in response to your rambling before telling you, “If you were going after something in the name of science I can’t exactly fault you for running into me. I likely would have done the same.”
“You- What…?” you asked, risking a peek over the top of your journal, only to see the smiling face of a boyishly handsome man around your age with cropped and almost curly hair that fell slightly over his eyes. He was gorgeous. His melodic laugh rang out once more and it prompted you to lower the journal to your side fully, risking a glance at the damage your drink did.
You cringed as you looked at his once pristine and pressed shirt, but your anxious thoughts were interrupted by him telling you, “You were going after a butterfly that you wanted to make an observation of in its habitat. As a man of science I can’t fault you for doing so.” He bent over to pick up his now thoroughly soaked file and offered a small smile as he came back up and added, “I’m Spencer by the way. I don’t exactly follow the science of lepidopterology, but it’s a fascinating subject. Do you study them for a living?”
You offered your name in turn before saying, “Oh, uh, no I- It’s just a sort of hyperfixation I’ve had on and off since I was a kid,” You felt an intense blush creeping up your neck and onto your cheeks after the admission crossed your lips and you wished that the earth would open up beneath you and save you from yourself. Instead of just keeping your mouth shut though, you rambled on, “And now it’s probably ruined your day and routine and again I am so sorry! Were you heading in? I could buy your drink! It’s the least I can do after ruining…everything.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I’m getting drinks for more than just me,” Spencer replied as he began opening his satchel bag and pulling out a sweater vest which he put on and covered the coffee stain on his front. “See, good as new. I have a change of clothes at the office anyway. Don’t worry about the shirt.” He waved the folder to get the droplets of coffee off and added, “And don’t worry about the file either. I have it memorized. Eidetic memory. Comes in handy for times like this.”
“Right…” you said, making a mental note to look up what that meant rather than assuming. You nodded awkwardly before gesturing toward the door and heading that way, telling him, “Well I’m gonna head back inside to get a drink to replace the one I dropped. We can at least discuss how I could repay you while we wait?”
“If you insist,” Spencer said before following your lead into the small shop, the little bell above the door ringing out to alert the workers that someone had entered.
As you waited in line, you cleared your throat and asked awkwardly, “So, uh…what do you do for work?”
“I work for the FBI at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. We basically use what’s called profiling to determine why people do what they do, specifically in the realm of killing people,” he told you as if it was a regular old nine to five and not what sounded like the most interesting job in the world.
“I- Wow! That sounds so cool!” you stuttered out awkwardly. You mentally kicked yourself at the stupid reply, but before you could rectify the situation it was Spencer’s turn to order. You breathed a sigh of relief at the out and began scouring your brain for ways you could repay Spencer for the mishap outside.
Once you ordered your replacement drink, you cleared your throat and shyly asked Spencer, “How about as an apology I take you to dinner? You choose where. I just feel really, really bad about spilling my drink on you…”
Spencer was silent for a beat before telling you, “I would like that. Thank you.” So before you two parted ways, Spencer wrote his number in your journal beside another butterfly you had been sketching and you sent him off with a warm smile while what felt like a kaleidoscope of butterflies flew around in the pit of your stomach.
Your dinner with Spencer got delayed when the BAU was requested to work a case in Oregon, but you were fine with that as it gave you more time to grapple with the fact that, no, this wasn’t a date. This was simply a business transaction because you had ruined the man’s clothes and case file.
When Spencer returned after closing the case, you were finally ready to face the gorgeous man in what you hoped would be a platonic business-like way. That was until you saw his face again and heard his what turned out to be contagious laugh. He told you all kinds of fun facts about butterflies he had learned in preparation to have something to talk with you about and you practically had heart eyes as you listened to him ramble on and on about stuff even you didn’t know about the beautiful creatures.
The spark you thought was there turned out to be mutual and by the end of the night, Spencer was back to your apartment and between your legs, sending you into the most blissful state you had been in in years. As you learned during your dinner, Spencer had a vast understanding of the human body and mind and it turned out that those skills translated to the bedroom as well. Needless to say, he had completely exhausted you and you fell asleep in his arms under your duvet, your legs entangled as you clung onto him like a koala.
Waking up the morning after your dinner, Spencer began to come to his senses as he smelled bacon and pancakes being cooked and coffee lingering in the air of your apartment. At first he relaxed into the plush memory foam once more before he sat up with a start. What was he doing? He knew from current and former BAU members’ experiences, relationships while working for the unit were hard. The hours were odd and long, the mental toll of cases could be heavy at best and all consuming at most, and statistically the odds of someone in a relationship with an FBI agent - specifically a member of the BAU - becoming a target of a pissed off unsub was high. What if an unsub took you as a hostage in order to get to him? What if an unsub killed you as some cruel form of punishment for going after them? That wasn’t something he was willing to shoulder onto you, he thought as a shudder shook his whole body.
But there was no way he wanted to let you go from his life altogether, so when he emerged into the combined dining and kitchen area to see you cooking in just a t-shirt and underwear, Spencer cleared his throat and greeted you with a good morning before asking tentatively, “Hey uh… I was just thinking… With my job with the BAU being what it is, could we…would you mind if we kept this casual? I had an amazing time with you at dinner and in…other places, but it’s historically difficult for an FBI agent to maintain a proper relationship and give their partner the attention they deserve while also giving cases the attention they need. Would…would that be something you would be okay with?”
Spencer studied your body language as you concentrated on flipping the pancakes in front of you, doing so effortlessly as you nonchalantly replied, “If that’s what is easiest then yeah. I had a really good time last night too.” Relief flooded Spencer’s body at your response and he relaxed into the dining chair a bit more before standing up to pour himself some coffee and prepare it how he liked, content with the new arrangement he found himself in with the gorgeous and thoughtful woman in front of him.
So that’s how it went on for the following months. Between Spencer’s cases and your shifts at work, the two of you managed to see each other more and more. Sometimes the evenings started at restaurants and some were initiated at either of your apartments when you were feeling particularly needy.
Even though at first you were truly content with keeping things with Spencer casual, as time went on, you had started to develop feelings for the man. Feelings that sex alone couldn’t tame and that’s when you realized what you knew all along. That those butterflies you felt in your stomach during your first encounter were never a good sign.
Now…
A knock on your apartment door broke you from your trance of zoning out whatever was playing on Netflix at the moment and you looked up at the clock hanging on the wall to realize it was nearly three o’clock. You had spent most of your day off zoned out in front of the TV lost in your own thoughts when you were supposed to go to lunch with Celeste hours ago. Looking at your phone you noticed all the missed calls and texts and rubbed your tired eyes as you groaned in frustration.
The knock sounded once again before you heard Celeste’s voice calling out, “Are you in there? Do I need to call the cops for a welfare check?”
You attempted to smooth down your pjs before opening the door and telling her quietly, “No, I’m here. I’m sorry I flaked on lunch I didn’t mean to I just-”
You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Celeste was wrapping you in a hug to end all hugs and asking softly, “What’s wrong?”
This simple question was always your downfall because the second that it was asked the floodgates opened and you began sobbing into Celeste’s shoulder. All of the tears you had denied yourself over the last week and a half finally began to freefall as you clung to your friend like she was a buoy out at sea and she was the only thing keeping you afloat.
Celeste managed to maneuver the two of you back into the apartment and closed the door as you began rambling through your tight and broken voice, “At the restaurant…when we celebrated Adri…Spencer was there. We…we had sex in the bathroom but then he just finished and left me hanging. No explanation. Then I overheard his coworker call me Spencer’s love toy. He…he didn’t shut down the comment. I just thought I meant more to him than that… So I panicked and left. Almost had a panic attack outside when he came to talk with me. I thought he was going to comfort me but then he just reminded me, ‘no attachments.’” This whole spiel took you the greater part of five minutes to get out between sobs and trying to catch your breath, but Celeste being patient as always gave you her attention the whole time. You took a final deep breath before finishing with, “I really, really like him Celeste… I was a fool to think I meant more to him.”
Celeste thought on your words for the few moments it took to lead you toward the couch. She sat down and brought your head to rest on her thigh, gently detangling your hair with her fingers as she said, “I’m sorry that he made you feel that way. And I’m sorry we didn’t notice something was wrong before now. We’re your friends, we should be there for you through stuff like this.”
“It’s nothing you did,” you quickly told her. “Work kept me occupied this week so I tried to just ignore everything but then today I guess it all caught up to me…” Celeste nodded and you relaxed as she continued to mess with your hair.
Her silence was broken when she finally said, “Not to play Devil’s advocate, because what he did was not okay, but have you thought about why he came out to check on you when you left?”
This question caused you to furrow your eyebrows together and think about it. Why did he come outside? None of the other BAU members were leaving. It was just him… You cleared your throat and admitted, “I uh… I didn’t think about that.” There was a beat of silence before you told her, “I haven’t told you guys much about his job besides that he works for the FBI, but he’s what they call a profiler. He can tell a lot about a person just by reading their body language. Maybe…”
When you trailed off, leaving your sentence unfinished, Celeste offered, “Maybe he knew you were upset from your body language so he came to comfort you?”
You thought about it for a second before telling her, “I mean maybe, but that wouldn’t explain-” Your sentence died in your throat as another knock sounded through the apartment. “Did you text Maddie or Adri?” you asked Celeste.
“No,” Celeste replied as you began pulling yourself into a sitting position. “I’ll see who it is.”
As she did you started to realize how dehydrated you were, so you slowly made your way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As you stood, a dizzying feeling filled your head and darkness lined your peripheral vision, but you tried to ignore it as you made your way to the fridge. You vaguely heard the exchange happening at your door, but your attention was caught when Celeste called your name to get your attention. Looking up from your glass and Brita, you saw Spencer in your doorway with a bouquet of flowers and your heart gave an irregular stutter in your chest. “He says he wants to talk to you. Is that okay?” Celeste asked and you could hear the protective nature in her voice that Spencer was no doubt picking up on too.
“Y-yeah,” you replied, nodding in case she couldn’t hear you across the room.
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked, eyeing Spencer’s tall form almost suspiciously as she did.
“I think I’ll be okay,” you told her, offering her a small smile. “Thank you for coming to check on me. I’ll make lunch up to you next weekend.” Celeste nodded hesitantly before grabbing her purse off of the floor where she had dropped it and began making her way out. You were sure she would stay idled in the parking lot of the complex until you texted her that everything was okay, so you made a mental note to do so after this was over. Whatever this was.
Taking a deep breath, you offered a quiet, “Hi,” to Spencer as he approached your dining area with the rather large bouquet in hand. That couldn’t have been cheap.
“Hey,” he said, almost as quietly as you did. He cleared his throat and said, “I…I wanted to apologize for what happened last time we saw each other.”
Nodding, you quickly wiped a stray tear away as you told him, “I was really hurt, Spencer.”
“I know that now. So that’s why I brought you these,” he reiterated as he offered the flowers out to you. “In flower language the white roses symbolize my remorse for what happened, my seeking of forgiveness, and my hope for a new beginning between the two of us. The pink hyacinths represent new love and fresh starts. The white hyacinths represent my wish for healing between us. And the pink tulips represent my asking for forgiveness and the sincerity behind my words.” You tentatively accepted the flowers and took a moment to breathe in their natural fragrance with closed eyes as Spencer rambled on, “Did you know that floriography has been practiced for thousands of years and was even used in theatrical works, most notably Shakespeare? A lot of people take for granted what the flowers they’re giving mean, but the meaning behind each one can offer you a great deal of insight into the mind of the giver.”
You tried to hide the small smile teasing your lips in response to Spencer’s ramblings which you always found endearing by searching your cabinets for a vase to put them in. With your back turned toward him, you cleared your throat and quietly told him, “Thank you. They’re beautiful. I just…” you pulled out a vase and let out a heavy sigh as you brought it to the sink to rinse out and fill with fresh water. “Fucking me in the restroom and just leaving before I got off without an explanation hurt. Hearing what Derek said, calling me your ‘love toy’ and you agreeing to it really hurt. I… I know you said no attachments, but… I’ve spent so much time with you and got to know you and I realized that I can’t do this whole casual thing anymore…” By the time you finished your statement, you had opened the flower food and put it into the water and hugged your arms to your body as you tried to make yourself smaller amidst the palpable tension in the room.
“I could tell by your body language as you left the restaurant that something was wrong but I didn’t know what but I followed you out regardless because I knew something was wrong and wanted to try and fix it…” Spencer admitted. So Celeste was right about that… You didn’t have time to think about that though as Spencer continued, telling you, “I really messed up by leaving you in there after what I did, and it took me a while to realize what I did wrong because… Gosh now I really sound like an ass saying it out loud.” He scratched the back of his neck as he said, “I had calculated the longest average time an adult male takes in the restroom and was limiting myself to that time limit as we…did what we did in there. I knew that most of the team had seen you pass by and so I didn’t want them to think we were having sex in a restroom of all places. Not that I am ashamed to be with you at all, with you I’ve had the best few months of my life I think, but there are some aspects of my life I would like to keep private from them.”
“Oh,” you breathed out, unable to help the huff of a laugh that escaped your lips at the admission. What a truly Spencer reason to leave you hot and bothered. The bit about ‘the best few months of his life’ made your heart soar once again as you finally looked up to make eye contact with him.
A smile broke out onto his lips when his eyes met yours and he slowly approached you as he rambled on, saying, “And about the whole response to what Derek said. I panicked. He’s usually the one who has all the girls and is some sort of expert love maker or something, and I’m way less experienced than that. So when he brought it up I didn’t know how to respond so I guess I just blurted out what would make me look cool to him. Which I realized was a mistake far too long after, when the team sort of had to give me a reality check…”
Just the next morning after the restaurant incident left Spencer reeling, trying to make sense of what happened between the two of you, the BAU was called out on a case. After the first two days on the case, JJ approached Spencer as they were packing up for the day and asked, “Spence, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I-” he tried to say but couldn’t finish as Emily too approached him while putting her hand up and shaking her head.
“You’ve been moody. You don’t get moody for no reason,” she argued.
“I’m not moody,” Spencer defended himself.
“Yes you are, you’ve been off since that night at the Italian place. What happened?” JJ asked. By then more of the team had started to gather around and he noticed that even some of the locals had poked their heads up from their work to listen to what was now looking like an intervention.
Spencer sighed and threw his hands up exasperatedly as he said, “Fine! You wanna know why I’ve been in a bad mood? It’s because she told me to go to Hell and since then I just…I haven’t been able to concentrate. She’s on my mind all the time and I’ve just been trying to figure out what I did wrong so I can fix it!”
“Oh so it’s a lovers spa-” Derek started to say.
“Don’t you go making more comments,” Spencer snapped, which made Derek freeze, the smile melting off of his mouth. “Your ‘love toy’ comment is one of the things that set her off. I know that for sure.”
“Okay so we know that. What else happened?” JJ asked as she took a seat in a chair nearby, seemingly fully concentrated on the conversation now.
“I, uh…” Spencer faltered, feeling awkward about being open about his sex life in front of so many people seeing as how Hotch and Rossi had wandered into the space too. He felt heat creeping up into his cheeks as he blurted out, “We had sex in the bathroom and I had calculated how long I had before you guys got suspicious about what was happening so by the time that limit rolled around I had finished but didn’t have time to get her there but I still left because I didn’t want any of you to know what was going on.”
The response reminded him of the time they all found out you existed in the first place and he struggled to hear all of the comments. “Spencer Reid, you did what?!” came from Penelope. Emily groaned in frustration as she said, “We already all knew what was happening in that restroom!” One of the locals chimed in with, “Oh come on man, you can’t just leave her hanging like that!” “Yeah, you messed up big time,” was JJ’s snide remark as she leaned her head back and rolled her eyes.
The chaotic chorus was interrupted by David clearing his throat to get the room’s attention. When the focus was on him, he wisely pointed out, “I think we can all agree that seeking forgiveness is what you need to do here. Do it right when we get back from the case.” The older man patted Spencer on the shoulder before continuing with, “Life isn’t going to slow down or wait for an ideal opportunity to make things right. If you really want things with this girl to work out, then you’re going to have to accept that there may be obstacles in the way and hurdles you both need to jump over. You have a village behind you, kid. A village that is willing to go to bat to protect both you and those you love. We’ve done it before and we’ll do it again. The unknown shouldn’t be the reason you hold yourself back from what you really want. So go after her.”
Spencer’s large hands gently took yours into his and when you didn’t deny the touch, he squeezed them and told you, “You aren’t just an object or ‘love toy’ to me. I promise you that.” He took a shaking breath and you looked up to see tears rimming his eyes as he said, “I was just so scared of something happening to you because of my job that I denied my feelings for you. I have been targeted and taken by unsubs before, Hotch’s ex wife who was in witsec was tracked and killed, JJ’s family was targeted just a few weeks after we met… I didn’t want any of those things to happen to you. But I also didn’t want to lose you from my life so I made a deal with myself that we would keep things casual, but I never followed up after that first morning if that was okay with you…”
Tears began welling up in your eyes in response to his words. You knew that he said the job was tough on relationships, but you never thought too into what he was protecting you from… It showed that he truly cared in your eyes. That he had thought this through.
You were too stunned to speak and the dizzy feeling returned in response to all of the new information. Seeming to notice this, he guided you to the couch in your sitting area and asked, “I trust you know what the butterfly effect is?”
“I do,” you confirmed, curious as to where this was going.
“Well sometimes I get to thinking and I wonder what the probability of us meeting would have been if that butterfly hadn’t made you spill your drink on me. Think of it as an actualization of the theory. I calculated that the odds would have been slim to none considering how far off our lines of work are from each other and it makes me sad to think that in virtually every other reality we never met. Because you’ve changed my life. And yes, the sex is great, but so is the conversation! You are always so genuinely interested in what I have to say and it’s so refreshing because a lot of the people I’m close to have gotten tired of my ramblings over the years. I didn’t realize until I didn’t have you in my life anymore that I wanted to come home early from cases to be with you, and not just intimately. I wanted to come home to you in my apartment - what would be our apartment. To bring you flowers and your favorite chocolates. To cook dinner with you and watch your favorite movies. To show you my favorite books and read yours in return! I’m usually one to look at the statistics and facts of it all, but just this once I would like to believe that the butterfly effect is real and that it brought us together.”
“Spencer, I-” you started, but stopped as a quiet sob left your mouth and you covered it with your hand. When you regained your composure, you nodded and told him, “I want that too. So much. I want to come home to you reading impossibly fast through my entire book collection. I want to take trips to bookstores together. I want to make your favorite meal when you get home from a case no matter what time of day it is. I want to properly meet your teammates from the BAU. I want it all. Because I-” you stopped your rambling once more before too much came out.
You didn’t have to worry about it though, because Spencer took the words right out of your mouth as he said, “I love you.”
You felt weightless in response to his confession and you felt the biggest smile break out onto your face before you whispered back, “I love you too.”
“Can I kiss you?” Spencer asked as he leaned his forehead on yours.
“Always,” you replied, the smile on your lips evident in your voice.
The kiss was the most gentle one Spencer had ever given you and you felt your heart soar and a kaleidoscope of butterflies explode in your stomach once more, reminding you of the day you met. And this time you were sure that Spencer wouldn’t let your soaring heart fall.
After a few moments though, gone was the gentle kiss that brought you two back together. Soon the kiss was filled with need and desire as you finally noticed the reaction that your body had been having to the man who was now under your hips as you straddled him. Desire once more guided your actions as you moved your hips on Spencer’s, feeling his arousal starting to grow as you lapped into each others’ mouth.
A low and muffled groan left Spencer’s mouth as he moved his hands to rest on your ass and began massaging in time with the sway of your hips. At the same time as you began to ask, “Can I-?” Spencer was whispering, “I need-” You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth before you began moving off of him and down onto the floor between his spread legs, saying, “I take it we’re on the same page then?”
“Yes,” was his instant response as his lust filled eyes looked down at you on your knees between his legs, your hands gliding up his thighs and to his belt buckle. After getting the belt undone you of course took a moment to tease his stiff member, earning a small buck of his hips and a beg of, “Please,” almost whimpered from his lips.
“How can I no to that?” you asked with a small smile on your lips as you began to unbutton and unzip Spencer’s slacks. When you pulled his slacks and underwear down in one fell swoop, you smiled up at Spencer as you asked, “Have I ever told you how handsome you are?”
“A-a few times. Shit-” he moaned out as you began teasing his head with your tongue, focusing on the spot on the underside just below the head that you knew drove him crazy. When you took him into your mouth fully, one of Spencer’s hands flew right into your hair, lightly tugging as you took as much of him into your mouth as you could.
You bobbed up and down a few times before hollowing out your cheeks around him and as you did, the grip he had on your hair tightened and you let out a low moan in the back of your throat at the feeling. Spencer’s response was instant, letting out a loud moan into the otherwise quiet room that sounded somewhat like your name. Within seconds though, he was tapping at your temple and whispering, “W-wait. Stop.”
You instantly stopped what you were doing, feeling your heart clench at the words. Wiping the excess spit from your chin, you said quietly, “I-I’m sorry did I do something-?”
“No, no, no you didn’t do anything wrong, I just…” Spencer said as his chest heaved. “I want to do this the right way. I want to make love to you.”
Your mouth opened slightly in response to the words as you sat back on the floor, shocked at the implication. Before you could come up with a response, Spencer was pulling you up from the floor and coaxing your oversized t-shirt off, revealing that you had not been wearing a bra this whole time which made him groan as he began toying with your now fully exposed breast. He began kissing you once more and a whimper escaped your mouth as he began toying with your hard nipple and you began pushing at his vest and button up, silently telling him to get rid of them.
During all of this, the two of you began fumbling toward your bedroom, dropping clothes as you went and leaving a trail from the couch to your bed. When the backs of your knees met the edge of the bed, Spencer collapsed on top of you which ended up with you in a fit of giggles as he rolled both you and himself over to be in the bed properly. When you were comfortably on the pillow, you teasingly asked, “So what does love making entail, Doctor?”
“Something more gentle than I usually give you,” he replied as he lined himself up with your entrance. “Something more meaningful,” he added as he pushed in slowly.
The stretch around Spencer was something you needed a moment to adjust to and he gave you time to do so as he buried his face into your neck and let out what sounded like a relieved sigh. This was already a change of pace. Usually the two of you were so needy, he never gave you time to adjust to his size and you always took the sting in stride with the pounding he usually gave you, but this…this was different. It felt new. It was gentle.
Wrapping your legs around Spencer’s waist, you sighed contentedly before whispering, “You can move.”
And so he did, starting off with small thrusts that you were sure he was doing so he didn’t lose it right then and there after the oral you had just given him before you started. But then they transitioned into long and languid strokes, almost completely pulling out from you before slowly pushing back in. At one point Spencer grabbed a small throw pillow you had on the bed and lifted your hips to place it under them and from that moment you knew you were a goner. The angle made it easier for him to hit that spongy spot within your walls and you let out an almost pornographic moan when he did. Over and over again.
“You sound so beautiful,” Spencer grunted out which made you open your eyes to look up at him. You were met with his smile as he reiterated, “You are so beautiful.”
The compliment had your body reeling and you felt the coil in your abdomen tightening as he continued to brush over that spot within you. “Spencer, I-” your words were cut off by a moan when he brought the hand now not supporting his body weight to your clit and began rubbing gentle circles on it. Your breathing began to become labored as the pleasure continued to mount until it was almost too much. “I’m close,” you told him, feeling your core starting to twitch around him as he filled you up so well.
“Me too, sweet girl,” Spencer panted out, leaning down to place a gentle kiss to your lips.
As cheesy as it is to say, the tender moment was what broke you. A litany of pleasure filled sounds escaped your mouth that were swallowed by Spencer’s as he picked up his pace just the slightest bit as you began contracting around him, your orgasm ripping through your body in the most intense way possible. Spencer followed behind you quickly, burying his head into your neck once more as he moaned out his pleasure between sloppy kisses placed on your throat.
Spencer collapsed slightly on top of you, slightly to the side as he slipped out of you, some of his release following suit as you both breathed heavily in the aftermath of what you would deem the most pleasurable sex you had ever had. With hands wandering in mindless shapes over your body, Spencer mumbled into your skin, “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”
“I love you too,” you told him with a smile on your lips. You never wanted to let go of this feeling.
A few minutes passed of just basking in each other’s warm embrace before Spencer raised his head and kissed your lips, telling you, “Let’s get cleaned up. I’m thinking that after we shower I can take you to dinner? On a proper date?”
“I would love that,” you replied as he helped you off the bed and into the shower.
That night after dinner Spencer outdid himself with the love making, somehow managing to drag three more orgasms out of you, each more intense than the last. As you laid there in bed that night with Spencer’s arm draped over you, you silently thanked the world for sending that butterfly into your path that fateful morning.
a/n: thank you all so much for the outpouring of love on Casual! i really hope this lived up to expectations that may have been built after the first part! Derek still hasn't been redeemed and Reader still hasn't properly met the BAU team (especially Rossi who was honestly the MVP here), so i'm thinking we'll see each other again in a potential part three? ;)
part three: Right Person, Right Time
taglist: @spicyspirit @misserabella @lillianacristina @lullvu
those who didn't ask to be tagged but y'all were so kind in the comments so i will anyways to make sure you see this post <3 (apologizes if i am overstepping by tagging)
@lilrios-world @theylovemelody @lea24sposts @espressoparis @crazy4books1 @i-live-in-spite @mega-kittyglitter-1 @rumplereids
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid angst#spencer reid x you#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid smut#spencer reid hurt/comfort
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This is unfortunately the realest thing I've read today
if I said the Rusty Lake devs sold out and the franchise hasn’t been genuinely good since 2020
#don't get me wrong rusty lake still holds a very special place in my heart#but the new games just aren't as good tbh as much as i tried to get myself to see the good in them i just can't#and the stuff the devs do is also questionable lol#like the April fools jokes for the last 2 years were just not very funny to me more so just frightening#I'll take any chance i get to clown on NFT'S or AI but goddammit this just ain't it#im just sad bc i used to have a hardcore hyperfixation on the games until like 2022#but my more recent attempts at getting into the series have been completely futile I just can't :/#also the fandom has gotten so weird? Not in the good way#it used to be weird IN THE GOOD WAY but now it feels almost off-putting to me#somehow more immature as if it was infested with kids or something#i found the games for the first time when i was younger and had i known how to speak English back then i would've been just like them#so this is very hypocritical of me and im sorry and i think the possible kids in the fandom deserve to have fun#but from a very selfish point of view it kinda ruined the fandom for me :/#idk i blame game theory for this random influx of kids#i feel like I've been forcing myself into “liking” the games for the past year or so#just becuase it feels weird to abandon something i used to love so dearly#plus the characters are still kinda interesting I GUESS and fun to draw#and my drawings seemed to make the fans happy which in turn made me happy too#but idk sorry for the yapping
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Hiii!! I was wondering something and I hope this isn’t spoilers but what if they do get Ren/[REDACTED] and Angel do get together and then like Angel wants to break up at some point. What would happen? Like in a how would he feel and what would he do? And like if he did do something would it be something sick and twisted or just a normal breakup feeling where you wanna cry your eyes out?
(Also sorry if I got some things wrong I recently found the game and it’s slowly becoming one of my hyperfixations I’m tryna learn all about it!!)
⌞♥⌝ I got your other ask, thank you for reading the pinned post!!
I've talked about something similar in the past, but Ren would honestly let Angel break up with him, allow some time to pass, and (re)introduce himself with a brand new persona/identity. His entire schtick is to become their ideal type, so if it doesn't work out as Ren/Haruko, he'll throw that persona aside and start fresh.
[REDACTED] also isn't the type to do anything "sick [or] twisted" when it comes to breaking up with Angel since he values their opinions and perception (of him) above his own. And if he's playing up his Ren/Haruko persona specifically, then it'd be extremely out of character for him to do something off-putting (since Ren is literally trying to come across like a Normal Guy™️). At most, Angel would have to be the one to break up with him, so the severity of it would have to be on their terms — not Ren's.
Also... The thought of breaking up would never cross Ren's mind in the first place :)
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I've found my new thing to hyperfix on and it's him
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Oh I feel this so much. Why can't the hyperfixations last loonnnggeeer.... at least let me FINISH WATCHING IT! *growls*
The only hyperfixation I've had longer than a week or two (a month at longest) is rottmnt, which still gives me happy chemicals from time to time, yeee.
Currently in a hyperfixation over the Promised Neverland, so I hope that lasts long enough for me to finish reading the pirated manga (won't watch season two, but season one was AMAZING).
Ugh nooo all my hyperfixation stopped, they don't burn me anymore and I am all cold and sad inside😭
#then you have to try and find a new hyperfixation#and you can't control that so it's annoying#it's okay to wander about for awhile tho#while you wait for brain to make dopamine#I've found that not searching for the dopamine can help#just kind of mill about as usual#*even though understimulation is absolutely horrendous#so calm-ish activities?#Or making things for a bit#like rando doodles that look bad#or smth#(I just despise it when my hyperfixations end and it used to boil me alive#nowadays it's still *awful feely* to not be hyperfixated#but I kind of... roll with it?#It's better than getting caught up in it and wallowing in it#so brain does what it wants#and I can just chill in the background#easier said than done#but i digress
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some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡
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hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!
so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.
(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)
but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???
i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!
(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)
i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.
i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.
i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.
but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.
this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.
for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.
everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.
anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!
i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3
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Hullo my dears!
Just wanted to drop a quick message here to let you guys know I'll be stepping back from fandom once BTTW is finished.
The baggishield fandom has (for the most part) been such a lovely place to spend the past two years, and I will never not be grateful for the outpouring of love and support, and the friends I've made while I've been here. Hyperfixations burn out sometimes, and mine has unfortunately done that, but my love for Middle Earth is constant and this isn't to say I won't ever be back to post within this fandom again.
For now, I've decided I want to try and publish some original fiction. I don't know if I'd have got to this point without the kind words people have said about my writing here, so thank you all for that. If you're someone who's interested in coming along with me on this new adventure, you can find me over at @lola-theshowgrl 💛 I would love to see you there!
If that's not for you, please know I'll still be checking in on this account and keeping it running - currently there's over a year of posts cycling through my queue, lol. I have a lot of fic ideas I still would love to do, so once I've had a bit of brain-space, I hope to be back again. I don't want to make a lot of excuses, but my health has been very poor the past year, and I just can't keep all these plates spinning for the time being.
Whatever happens, please know how much the friendships and kindness I've found here with you all has meant to me. Truly, I can't thank you enough.
Love you, guys 💛💛💛
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my lab rats hyperfixation came back and i've been doing some thinking ever since
so from the start of the show there have been multiple references to comic book heroes especially dc references
(leo saying "my new dad is batman" in the first episode and douglas calling chase "boy wonder", referencing to robin)
well since mighty med ans lab rats take place in the same universe, mighty med characters are also comic book characters and dc is a comic book series, are they in the same universe?
no because imagine superman and tecton in the same room😭😭
or bruce with his "brucie" wayne personality being "friends" with donald davenport(they cant stand eachother)
donald davenport would 100% sell his inventions to lex luthor for a really pricy deal
or chase, bree, adam and leo going to same school with tim, bernard and darla lmao
i think adam would listen and add onto bernards theories(leo would call him delusional but also would be interested)
bernard made a theory about them being bionic but darla shut it down('i told you so' and 'aha i knew it!' were the first things he said when he found out about the truth)
darla would absolutely eat trent up i just know it
young justice and elite force team up with tim and bree/chase seeing eachother and going like the spiderman meme
damian and leo being friends(lethal duo warning!!)
also damian would've believed leo during the whole marcus fiasco
leo would push damian into reading comics and damian would push leo to read mangas(canon information)
talia and horace both know eachother from being in the same field(medical) they are the type of friends who say hi and talk like 4 hours when they run into eachother but then dont talk until the next time
bree would've loved exploring her girlhood with cass, steph, harper and babs(and darla) since she never got to
marcus, taylor, rose and jason would get along very well and love talking shit about their fathers🥰
i think daniel would love duke(they played video games together later on duke let daniel absorb his powers and tried to teach him how to control it exactly)
taylor, damian, leo is a trio i would die to see tbh i think they would get along well
cassandra and skylar teaming up with eachother would be absolutely amazing. i think they would work together so well
I HAVE MORE LATER I LOVE THIS CROSSOVER SM!!
#dc comics#lab rats#mighty med#lab rats elite force#bruce wayne#batman#leo dooley#chase davenport#bree davenport#adam davenport#talia al ghul#superman#jason todd#rose wilson#donald davenport#darla aquista#bernard dowd#tim drake#stephanie brown#marcus davenport#damian wayne#damian al ghul#duke thomas#daniel davenport#taylor crane#lex luthor#horace diaz#tecton#cassandra cain#skylar storm
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