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2-year anniversary post
My blog is now 2-years old~!
After my last anniversary post, I had quite a list of projects planned; in addition to making posts for all the upcoming SxF content, like the movie, season 2, and the video game, I had other personal projects in mind as well. I wanted to start on my Japanese Linguistic Observations in Spy x Family series, which I was able to write five posts for as of now! (I've currently exhausted all the topics I wanted to discuss for that, but I may come up with more ideas later on). There was also the Spy x Family Character Tracker, which took me a while to get motivated to do, but once I did, I'm proud of how it turned out 😃 I also made a lot of scan posts this year too, like the workbooks and my series of miscellaneous collab scans.
But compared to my last anniversary, which was at a time when there was a lot of new SxF content on the horizon, we've been in a bit of a dry spell the past several months. Hype for the aforementioned movie, game, and anime season have died down, and merch and collabs have slowed as well, since there hasn't been new anime content to promote. But I consider it the calm before the storm, lol.
This is also why my posts have gotten a little less frequent lately - there hasn't been as much new SxF content in general besides the manga chapters, and as mentioned previously, I was able to check off the projects I had wanted to do. So as of now, I don't have much new content planned in the coming year besides continuing my Chronological Analysis on Twilight and Yor series when season 3 airs (still no release date yet, but I'm betting on spring of 2025). I'll also make posts for each anime episode like I did with season 2. And of course, I'll continue my manga chapter reviews, and make merch and scan posts when I can.
I've always tried to maintain a "quality over quantity," "only write when I have something to say," mentality for the blog. I don't want to force myself to write when I'm not motivated (this is also why I don't take part in community writing projects and the like). I also have other hobbies besides SxF, so I like to focus my limited free time on those when there isn't much going on in the SxF fandom. Occasionally I think to myself, "Hm, I haven't posted on Tumblr in a while," but if there isn't anything I feel like writing about at the time, it's better if I hold off rather than force myself to churn out something uninspiring.
But as I said, I feel like we're in a calm before the storm. Season 3 will already be exciting enough, but there's a good chance more content will follow. The next Jump Festa is scheduled for late December, and as usual, SxF will have a dedicated panel with the four Forger voice actors in attendance!
The movie and season 2 were announced at this event in 2022, so there's a good chance we'll get more juicy announcements this year! Even if not another movie, I'd be happy with more artbooks, collabs, and other things down the line! There's also a good chance an idea for another SxF project will inspire me and I'll start working on that. Who knows. But I do know SxF is still a popular series with many more years of content to produce! And I look forward to seeing, and blogging about, it all 😁
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WIP wednesday thursday friday
Imma bout to just call it WIP day. Thank you so much for the tag, my dear @burntheedges!
Being the phasical (is that even a word? idek) person that I am, I've been struggling to write much and my attention turned to playing Tom Clancy's The Division 2 for way too many hours. I'm finally getting bored with that game (again), so it's back to writing :) I have two things - one is a story that I'm 5 chapters into already and the other is just an idea so far:
Untitled stepdad!Dave York x f!reader - still rough draft form, so forgive any glaring mistakes, please. This one will likely launch around the new year.
“Sure, honey. You can come stay for a while,” your mom assured you. She sounded excited even though it wasn’t a call you wanted to make, not at this point in your life, but what other options did you have? “You can see the house and meet your new stepdad!”
Dead air. It took you a moment to process her words. “My new WHAT?” your voice rose toward the end in utter confusion. You didn’t even know your mom was dating anyone, let alone someone serious enough to fucking marry! “Oh, honey, his name is Dave and you’re just gonna love him,” she replied with a lovesick simper. You’d never heard her voice do that. She must be really into the guy. Enough to marry him without even inviting you to the god damn wedding? She’s still chatting away, explaining how they met – at work – and how it was such a whirlwind romance that they got carried away on a work trip to Vegas and decided to just tie the knot without telling anyone. Okay. That, actually, didn’t surprise you. Your mom was super smart but could be a total a flake sometimes, leaving you to wonder who the adult was on more than one occasion while growing up. She had you really young and never quite matured. “That’s great, Mom. I can’t wait to meet him,” you finally replied after twenty minutes of listening to her gush over this Dave guy. “But I’m not calling him Dad.” She laughed. “Of course not, honey. He’s too young to really be your dad anyway.”
2. Suddenly Snowbound - Joel Miller x f!reader holiday fic inspired by the Hallmark movie Love You Like Christmas. Coming December 2024.
Joel owns a ranch and sells the finest Christmas trees in the state during the holiday season. On a road trip to find a fresh start on the west coast, a blizzard leaves you stranded in the small town near Joel's ranch. Calamity and, dare I say, love ensue.
NPTs - always late to the party, apologies to anyone who's already been tagged/done this and i missed it - @baronessvonglitter @kyberblade @sirowsky-stories
@grogusmum @thundermartini @pedges-world @thesummerpetrichor @aurorawritestoescape
#wip tag game#it's wip day#whatever day this is#dave york equalizer 2#dave york x f!reader#joel miller tlou#joel miller x f!reader
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Trina as one the Fujitas. She's the second in command, code name: Kageneko aka Shadow cat.
The leader is Kitsune and the third member is Okami.
So together the trio consists of a Fox, Cat and Wolf.
I'm still working on the mask for kitsune, but I have the designs for kageneko and Okami. Although for a brief time I called the former Murasaki hyo, because I thought it meant purple panther, but I just mistranslated.
#big hero 6#bh6 the series#trina aken#bh6 trina#Bh6 Fujitas#Based on scrapped villains from the movie#I've been working on this idea for like 2 years
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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tw blood, gore
NIGHTMARE
that day has finally come.
the time is neigh.
everyone will be realised, from pain and suffering.
our salvation is at hand.
this is the day of reckoning.
when all our sorrows will be washed away.
when we return to the TRUE PARADISE !!
my daughter will be ..
the mother of GOD !!
alessa has been trapped in an endless NIGHTMARE from which she never wakens.
however ..
#silent hill#alessa gillespie#dahlia gillespie#some unnamed guys of the Order#michael kaufmann#lisa garland#incubus#*exhales* WOE HE/THEY TIDDIES BE UPON YE#+ couple of little secret things as a bonus#silent hill origins#travis grady#alessa grady au#YEEEEEEET#commonly i don't draw more than 2 pages at once SO ?? my first ever whole-ass comic BOOYAAAAH#this idea has been haunting me in daylight and fever dreams living in my head rent free since it originated innit year and half ago....pain#so happy to finally release THAT BEAST–#IT'S VERY IMPORTANT PERSONAL PROJECT it's like .. my own tribute to sh1 Actual Lore since im fascinated by it that much#plss i've worked on each of the pages so carefully ..#you see here every phrase of dahlia's dreadful monologue before boss fight is dedicated to various aspects of the game#and the tension is growing with every sentence#but if you get another lore references i'll kiss you#and all that effort i put in the post was ABSOLUTELY worth it ..#couldn't imagine a better development for my BELOVED PRECIOUS ALESSA GRADY AU HIII- LONG TIME NO SEE#TEARED UP from returning to my babes again 🥺🥺🥺#ah also homecoming easter egg bc i can:))))#silent hill fanart#tw blood#tw gore#my art
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i legit love when a character's gender is so integral to their personality (and perception obviously.) like so concrete that if genderbent their whole shtick would just be absolute dookie. anyways i'm just writing this text so i can talk in the tags (My beautiful safe haven)
youtube
this 14 minute song is soooooooooooo FYRE
#text#actually i'm thinkinbg about this only cus i'm drawing female neloff and i'm just like#Elder dookies fans already hate females..... imagine them tryign to handle a woman with NPD that is reaching toxic waste levels#old decaying female with NPD.#but i'm also drawing female neloff for fun cus i have an idea for a look; i don't think it's a good idea#and he is just one of those characters that feel very good in the strict cismale box.#i also feel silly talking about gender-anything in any fiction because that's a topic only Am*ricans with no real problems sweat about#if that makes sense#just not something that interests me in the slightest#actually this might jsut be fascinating 2me because it is interesting indeed to see the different ways narcissism is treated. in characters#if i keep saying females instead of women it's bc i legit love that word. Sorry#and el*nwen+ulfr*c too are those female+male respectively perfectly fitting characters too#but notice how i didn't say cis. exactly. i'm thinking about the person that said elly did his top surgery in the torture basement. 4 free#or maybe i said that and they jsut said they're both t4t. Mmmaybe#the absolute W we copped with elly being the ' ' Big Bad ' ' th*lmor as a woman who is just obsessed with the luxuries of life.#stereotypical high society woman#she's so cute#i might just be obsessed with exploring very traditional dynamics too. i love keeping it grounded yk#Me after reading too many geriatric centuries old novels and huffing copium on sk*rim#i think i legit hate having fun with wilder character personality-morphism (because it is useless) that's not working with what u have#i'm just saying things that will make sense only 2 me now. Bye#why did i develop interest-related nihilism that extends to me hating fantasy franchises and anything that isn't non-fiction#i love it tho makes me feel so sophisticated#this is what happens when nobody humbles you while you draw regurgitated glorified studentXteacher (with a medieval twist) for a year.#i'm so excited for the year to be over not bc it's bad for me but bc i wanna see what all of the n*lvas art i drew looks like together#i wanna compile it like i did with eltl in 2023#n*lvas been treating me so well though liek i've been at such an artistic Peak especially after may#i'm always at my artistic peak tho.#i have a picture of n*relion on my mspaint canvas and it keeps looking at me while i'm drawing . he scares me because who gave him -#- the t*lvas hairstyle and the n*loth beard Bro.
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June Writing Wishlist
Finish something for each of the unfinished Chesterton Challenge prompts (current plans are for two pieces of flash fiction, a bit of Arateph worldbuilding, and two scenes from Shadowstruck)
Write at least 10,000 words of a single project (or, possibly, divide it up between two shorter retellings)
#adventures in writing#this is probably absurdly ambitious#given that i'm trying to write half as many stories as i wrote all last month#you know my most ambitious writing month ever#plus write more words than i've written on any story in years#but there's a reason this is a wishlist instead of a goal list#after a month of a bunch of little pieces i'd really like to sink into one longer work#i've got two main contenders at the moment#but i do also want to write those pieces i couldn't get to at the end of may#maybe if shadowstruck comes together better than expected i could expand it so it fills both goals#since i have the short ideas in place i'm hoping those would take no more than a week#and since the longer works are things i've been building for years#it's possible the writing could go faster than it did when i was trying to brainstorm tons of different ideas all at once#just dive into writing instead of needing to do all the brainstorming#also on top of all this i've got two or three shorter summertime retellings that are demanding attention#but there's no way i could hit all three goals#which is why i have a second option for 2#we'll see how it goes
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Kang Yo Han is the walking embodiment of I'm Not Okay (I Promise) and relates to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge far more than is healthy. In this essay I will-
#twabbbiih's edit#tdj#the devil judge#tw blood#kang yohan#kang yo han#a character study via legendary emo classic Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge#I put so much effort into this I really hope the fandom enjoys it#I know I don't exactly go here in a big way but guys please#girl does a tdj rewatch for the fun of it and spirals so far into making bad edits she has to try and figure out how to just get the text#from an album cover to make a mock one like some unhinged loser who barely knows how editing software works#you guys have NO IDEA#I spent an entire night pestering mid-n0vember about how this album is perfect for KYH 2 years ago and so finally I did something about it#to the end has especially been rattling around my brain for WAY TOO LONG because that is not a house or home to KYH#it's a constant reminder of the people he's lost and the horrors he suffered due to the utter shithead that was his father#ive been debating between 2 edits i did for that song for two nights and I've ended up picking the more literal one because I didn't want#too many close up images of peoples faces for this. but just know there is a file on this laptop of kyh crying while hes literally haunted#by memories of his father#I really did try to use a shot from the knife scene for the album cover because it would have been SO GOOD as a mirror to the original albu#however my editing skills are not good enough to make the background less distracting and I'm working with not HD images so it looked worse#so a moments silence for what could have been#no one asked but its 2am and that means oversharing so#Interlude absolutely had to be the on a line by itself because despite everything else going on with KYH keeping Elijah save is Rule One#it's supposed to kind of overshadow everything else because keeping her safe and unaware of Certain Things absolutely does for him#whether it actually translates is a different matter#kgo being on his knees (yet again) is what swung it for that picture otherwise it would have been kyh looking on as jae hee grabs her
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#psyching myself up to try and watch the new series of heartstopper#I don't make a lot of personal posts these days and it feels easier to talk about this in the tags for some reason now - like I'm whisperin#but series 2 absolutely wrecked me in a way that is not entirely healthy#isaac's storyline is just a bit too close to home for me and I became a bawling mess every single time he was on screen#and not in a cathartic way. in a like I am dredging up the trauma of growing up aroace without having fully come to terms with it yet way.#I've come such a long way with slowly starting to feel pride in being aroace even in just the last few months#that I wondered if I'd actually be fine with it this time. I even considered rewatching s2 in preparation. turns out I'm not fine.#I watched a recap of s2 to try and remember what happened and uhhhh that clip of isaac rejecting that love interest in the bookshop#(with the novel loveless blurry in the background) has already brought up emotions.#then I thought I'd scroll some spoilers in his character tag just to prepare myself for what would happen with him this season#and just reading posts (mild spoilers here) about him being proudly aroace have sent me into paroxysms of sobbing yet again so....#I've honestly come such a long way in the last few years and the last few months. I'm even talking about it on tumblr now.#but I guess most of my work on that front has been accepting the present and the future of not having or wanting a partner.#whereas there's still a lifetime of trauma from the way it made me feel in the past#both growing up feeling alienated and having no idea what was different about me and the extent to which I tried to make it not be true#for years after first having an inkling of it being a possibility. I would have done anything to make myself alloromantic.#(the realisation of asexuality came later and was more of a 'huh I guess that makes sense' thing lol)#and even though I no longer want to change this fact about who I am#I guess I'm more traumatised by it all than I consciously realised. genuinely thought I'd be fine at this point.#anyway ramble over. I'm actually not sure if I should watch the new season or not. will it be helpful to work through the emotions?#or just re-traumatise me? felt more like the latter last time so hmmm.#guess I'm going to have to think about it.#it feels ridiculous that such a fluffy show - in which the character in question is pretty minor - should provoke such a reaction#but there you go#mine#tag chat#personal
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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How many Halloween costumes is too many? Asking for a friend
#I haven't worked the last 2 halloweens but I almost definitely am this year and work normally allows costumes#2021's was pretty basic then 2022 I got more creative and now have a reputation as the artistic one so feel like I could/should go all out#there are so many I want to do and it's hard to pick like it has to be reasonably practical but still cool and at least a little ridiculous#I've been making mood boards for each on pinterest which then leads me down rabbit holes to other ideas like I went from mirror to carousel#halloween#halloween costumes#merry mumbles
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Verse/Page 1 of 4.
#pixel art#aseprite#comic#poem#poetry#comics#i've had a comic idea for this poem basically ever since i wrote it like 5 years ago#finally putting that to paper now that i'm doing pixel art#pretty happy with this. been editing it all day#while i work on verse/page 2
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Oooookay, Hawu'li is technically ready for DT now. Cleaned his inventory, got few spots on retainers free, threw out bunch of unused gear from armory chest and set him both nice whm glam as well as updated swimsuit. Maybe they let us go to the beach upon arriving to Tural haha.
I kinda want to get pics of East Shroud for the wanderer project so I can finish at least Shroud with the old graphics, might get to those tomorrow. Island sanctuary might need a quick look over too - I got that voucher mount during weekend so not much there left, but I'd like to keep it semi functional for dyes and stuff. Also need to get few screens of his current glam just so I can see how he really changes come graphic update haha.
Really wanted to do one of those "outfits in each expansion" things but don't think I have time for that :/ Cosplay for the weekend is still work in progress and I know planning those outfits would take forever, let alone getting any missing pieces farmed.
#neri.txt#maybe i can do the outfit thingy after getting msq done#also yeah i have north shroud pics ready!#took them like 2 weeks ago#i've just been waiting to get any ideas for the lore part#originally i wanted to get all areas done before dt but i've been dragging my feet with it for like. over a year now#so i kinda gave up on that few months ago#but i'd like to get shroud done and then head on next areas (possibly la noscea next) with new graphics#and maybe later reblog the older parts with updated pics#also yeah cosplay should be done in time for con haha#mostly just making sure everything sits okay + sewing decorations on#and i'm not working on it alone so one of us can sew while the other gets the next part ready
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i mentioned my ex during lunch break at work today and it was literally the first time i ever acknowledged being gay when at work and it was both freeing and Really Fucking Scary
#i was shaking so bad during the rest of the conversation i hope no one noticed 😭😭#i have to say thanks to my new-ish coworker who is firstly so nice and secondly totally open like she talks about lgbt+ stuff casually#which i admire so much bc i've been working there for 2+ years and while not exactly hiding being bi (i think it's quite obvious i'm gay)#i've never been able to be open about it my internalized homotransphobia is STRONG lol i panick when i even think to casually mention it#so like seeing someone else bringing up lgbt stuff casually is so insane and brave to me#and she definitely made me feel at ease enough to like say something that made it obvious i'm not straight#when i never could bring myself to before even if i wanted to#that said i still feel waaaay too scared to mention being trans also ugh i find it more difficult to casually bring up in convos#like gkfvkdvj especially the more time passes i mean i didn't even start this job with the idea of being stealth and i don't feel like i am#i feel more like i'm closeted? cause really i don't WANT it to be a secret i'd much rather it was out in the open#but it's scary. so so scary. i never know how to be open and chill about being trans lol like where do i start#but like hey okay baby steps i mentioned that i'm gay today which was already a lot for me#nico rambles
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