#I've been very purposefully Not Thinking About This for a couple of months but it's decided it needs to bash me very hard in the brain

[serpercival]

Thought to myself last night, "hey Percy, why is it that you feel horrendously uncomfortable every single time you try to write women in your smut?" and wow, Percy's Brain, that's a great question. We should think about that. Surely the answer is "a combination of internalized misogyny and fetishization of gay men" but NO apparently the correct answer is "bottom dysphoria so bad that it made me think I was ace for a decade when really things are just Wrong" so that's great this is great information to have how the fuck do i even begin to deal with this

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Earthshot

I'm pretty sure Scobie hinted at it in Endgame. I've only just now made the connection after seeing this post from @sassyfrassboss and William's announcement for Cape Town.

What makes the House of Windsor unique with this dance with the media is the competing households within it, all with their own agendas, and all doing their best to please their bosses. Up until the Queen's death, there were three houses, each with a team assigned to work with the media: Kensington Palace for William and Kate, Clarence House for Charles and Camilla, and Buckingham Palace for the monarch. There were also smaller teams under the BP umbrella who worked with other family members like Edward and Sophie, Princess Anne, and (pre-departure) Harry and Meghan. Though all part of the same institution, the rivalry between these teams is real in many ways and often derails a unified message. Each house is often angling for the same space in newspapers, hand-waving for attention with regards to their work, grabbing the ideal dates and locations for their tours and engagements, or scrambling for first dibs on charitable causes. And this rivalry often causes rifts, problems, and confusion downstream after a particular household offers breaking news or choreographs a PR operation. It was an 'absolute headache' when Charles, William, and Harry all wanted to do similar high-profile environmental work, an aide once told me. 'None of them were into the idea of collaborating; they all wanted their own big moments away from the other...It was all about competition, and the households were purposefully holding information back so others couldn't try to get ahead,' they explained.

So going down the rabbit hole:

Summer 2019 (July or August) - Harry announced Travalyst.

December 2019 - William announced the Earthshot Prize.

January 2020 - Charles announced the Sustainable Marketplaces, which evolved in 2021 as Terra Cotta.

The only reason I think these charities are what Scobie is alluding to is because of how butthurt and bent out of shape Harry got when William announced the Earthshot Prize. I can't remember what he did anymore - was it that new picture of Archie with the mountain/lake behind him or was there something more? - but whatever he did, it was immediately apparent he didn't like William's work at all.

And now with hindsight, Harry probably thought he had called dibs on environmental work when he launched Travalyst, so it wasn't fair for William to have co-opted it with the Earthshot Prize a couple months later and then it equally wasn't fair when Charles threw his own hat into the mix.

But I think the joke is on Harry. William and Charles's projects were fully developed when they launched, to where now, 4 years later, they're very successful and have name recognition all over the world. Meanwhile, no one knows what Travalyst does, people think it's a grift for Harry and Meghan to write off all their travel expenses and accept travel freebies under the guise of sustainability, and Harry's been kicked off the board. He's still listed on the website as Founder and Patron, but it's been made vrey clear in a couple of articles when the website was updated that Harry's not involved in the company anymore other than being a lightning rod for controversy.

[cosmicjoke]

Just adding this on, but this isn't an attempt on my part or an encouragement to harass these people, though I'm sure everyone reading this already knows that. Just a means of letting others know who's behind at least some of the harassment lately.

Alright, well, here comes the call-out post that I promised anon. Have fun with it, I guess. It's about to get long, folks. A group of @tsuki-no-ura followers, who's been obviously vague posting about me for months at this point, specifically targeting every topic I discuss on my blog by making counterarguments to it on their blog, even though I never directed any of my analysis posts or anything else at them, nor has anything I've ever written been in direct response to anything they've written, is certainly behind at least some of the harassment. And other than the times I've tried having conversations with tsuki in the past, when I used to follow them, and wanted to discuss their posts with them, which almost always went ignored, I haven't at all addressed them or made reference to them, either implied or specifically, in any of my analysis posts. I only made reference to them a few weeks back when I found out that they'd essentially said my defense of Levi's violence was tantamount to Nazism, which I wasn't going to let stand. That's the only time I've ever directly referenced them. And yet, every time I make an analysis post, a counterargument to it magically appears on their blog the same day or a few days later, something that was brought to my attention by a mutual of mine. I had no idea until a couple weeks ago that this was happening, because I stopped following them more than a year ago, and only just recently blocked them. But they're obviously stalking me. And, inevitably, every time they do this, a slew of anon hate messages get sent, both to me and various other blogs that I follow, or that follow me. This isn't a coincidence:

@clearavenuelover, @66honeybadgers, and I'm sure various other of their groupies, are the ones almost assuredly largely behind the anonymous attacks on Levi blogs over the last, several months. They start out with their passive-aggressive bullshit, and eventually, of course, it turns to outright hostility, because that's just who these people are. @clearavenuelover purposefully tagged me in one of tsuki's posts, and so obviously they're aware of their followers harassing other Levi fan blogs. This is the link to the post they tagged me and other Levi fan blogs in: https://www.tumblr.com/tsuki-no-ura/739123803956854784/okay-so-here-i-come-with-my-discourse-causing

And yet more evidence that these people all congregate in the same circles and circle-jerk each other over how they think they're "winning" some non-existent contest against me and other Levi fan blogs.

And look who liked this answer as soon as it was put up:

And here @66honeybadgers is again, name-dropping tsuki-no-ura while they continue to harass me:

And this is clearly the same douche-bag that asked me a few weeks back if I considered myself a "Levi expert", and has now, over the last two days, continued to harass me for daring to express my opinion about Levi on my own blog, dropping the "friendly" act and showing their outright hostility:

This is clear harassment from a very specific corner of the fandom, mainly, surprise, surprise, eruri shippers, or even just Erwin stans who want to make everything about him, and get angry at anyone who dares to express any different view from the ones they hold, to the point of actively seeking out and stalking our blogs, hate reading our posts, going into our inboxs and sending us anonymous hate messages, trying to cram their opinions down our throats and then getting upset when we don't listen or accept their views. And then they want to go around acting like they're all the victims. What a joke these people are. Anyway, I just thought I should make this post so that actual Levi fan blogs can know to avoid and block these assholes. I can't say if they're behind ALL of the harassment, but they're certainly behind some of it, and it's good to expose them because they're cowards, and once they've been exposed, they won't have the fucking balls to continue.

[andreal831]

What do you think of Kol/Davina?

Y'all already know you aren't going to like this one.

But Kolvina is probably my least favorite of the Mikaelson canon ships. And yes some of that is due to the fact that Kol is my least favorite Mikaelson. But a lot of it is just based on how young Davina is and how young the show continues to remind us she is. Also, how little effort was put into this ship.

In season 1, Davina is 16 years old, only a year younger than Elena was in season 1 of TVD. Davina, I believe is the same age as Jeremy. However, with everything being aged up in TO (the characters, the love interests, the maturity/violence), Davina comes across as even younger. And this is done purposefully. Davina in season 1 is put into these white, babydoll dresses for most of the season, despite it being unnecessary as she's living in an attic. Her hair is typically very simple and her makeup minimal to give her a youthful look. The show is trying to remind us how young she truly is.

This is not only done with her clothes, makeup, hair, etc. But also with how the characters talk about her. I made an edit one time of how differently Rebekah treated Elena and her friends versus Davina. She treats Davina like a child, like a daughter, when Davina is only a year or two younger than the teenagers Rebekah and her siblings had just spent a couple of years harassing/killing. You also have Vincent, Cami, and Marcel treating her like a child (cause she is one) and worrying about the responsibility that has been put on her. Even her relationship with Josh keeps reminding us of how young and even naïve she is when she isn't aware of things he talks about because she's been so sheltered and is a literal teenager.

The show is reminding us how young and innocent she is so she appears much younger than the characters in the show we just watched (TVD). This is because we need to be angry at the ancestors and the witches for what they've done to her. But mostly because we need to separate it from Klaus sacrificing a 17 year old just a couple of seasons before. Elena was made to seem older so that we could set aside the fact that these 100+ year old men were not only sleeping with her, but continually putting her life in danger. But the opposite is true for Davina.

So then when, in season 2, Kol is brought back as a witch sent to charm Davina, she is still a child to the audience. Yes, she's gained more agency, but you can't just erase all of the footwork the show did to make her appear so much younger than everyone else. And yes, I know the argument that Kol was turned at 17 so they are basically the same age. But I've already discussed how that argument doesn't hold weight with me here.

I'll move on from the age thing though. Another one of my issues with the ship is the bait-and-switch Kol essentially does to Davina. Davina was the biggest Mikaelson-anti. Some of it I think was exaggerated to create conflict in season 1, but no matter what the reason was, she wanted them dead. Kol enters, lying to her about who he is and she is swept away by his charm. Kol spends the better part of a month manipulating a teenager who feels abandoned by everyone. Only to learn the truth and feel betrayed by him. He winds up winning her over because he wants her help to take down Klaus. Only to then betray her once again as soon as Klaus gives him any attention. Where is the Davina we know and love from season 1 who had Marcel, Elijah, and Klaus literally on their knees for lying and betraying her??

I've talked about Kol's development falling flat to me before, so I won't go into too much depth here. But Kol was the stereotypical younger brother. He pretends he is too good for his family, but as soon as Klaus gives Kol any type of attention, even negative, Kol is buddy-buddy with him again. The scene where Davina is watching Kol hug Klaus after Klaus nearly attacked her will always stand out to me. The look of betrayal in her face.

We never really see Kol work to gain Davina's trust or love. He just has it. It doesn't help that a lot of their relationship happens off screen, but what we do see just makes me sad for Davina. Also just the fact that Kol is Marcel's least favorite of the Mikaelsons since, you know, he actively tried to kill Marcel as a child, would make it even harder for Davina. She is constantly being pulled in different directions and at no point do we see Kol trying to make it easier on her. He doesn't work to rebuild his relationship with Marcel or the witches or even Josh. He just pops in and out (yes, I know it was partly due to them both dying constantly) of her life and her feelings are just expected to be there.

This idea that Davina sees Kol as "the best of the Mikaelsons" also just highlights how little she actually knows about him. At least with Cami and Klaus, Klaus has told Cami nearly every awful thing he's done. She is going in with eyes wide open. Even Elijah and Hayley, Hayley knows who he is and even goes into his mind and sees it first hand. Whether they would have ever gotten back together after that is up for debate (they would have, there's no debate), but again, she is making an informed decision. Davina sees Kol in isolated instances where their goals align. And when they don't Davina is just expected to put hers aside and go along with Kol, which the audience is okay with since it's supporting the fan fav family.

The version of Kol we get in season 4 and 5, the small glimpses we see, are don't have anything in common with the Kol we knew throughout TVDU. Like I said in my post about Kol's development, he essentially becomes whatever character the show wants him to be. There is zero reason given for his development other than him falling for Davina. I'm sorry, but men do not just change who they fundamentally are because they fall in love and that is a dangerous message to put out there.

To me Kol and Davina were a plot device to make Davina more hesitant to go after the Mikaelsons and to also cause conflict within the family. They have some cute moments, but I never truly believed their love for each other was anything more than infatuation.

Thanks for the ask! Sorry if it wasn't what you wanted

<3

*Marcel when he finds out Kol is the witch Davina's been seeing*

[dresshistorynerd]

I think we can all agree that this is dumb, right? Though the title is highly misleading and the quote marks around "ban" do a lot of work here. These companies just no longer requires actresses to wear structural garments. Still a dumb and bad solution to the problem of badly made costumes.

Couple of my issues with the article:

The purpose of the corset or any other similar structural garment wasn't to reduce waist, but to provide support and shape the silhouette. In the article someone from Netflix commented that they shouldn't promote that women should make their waists smaller, apparently it's "bad optics". And from Neflix the main series where corsets are no longer required is Bridgerton, because one of the main actors had bad time with her stays. But if you take just one quick look at the Regency silhouette you will see the waist is far from reduced. Literally there is no waist. Completely covered. They have been doing something terribly wrong if they have made Regency stays that pinch down the waist. Some actors also seem to think the waist is supposed to be reduced all the time. I remember that one actor in HBO's The Gilded Age complained about the corset, but then in the same breath admitted that she had asked the costumers to make it purposefully a little too small so she could be tight-laced all the time (a practice some fashionable rich Victorian women did for high society events, and definitely not all the time). But beyond the inaccuracies in the article, there is an issue here. Structural garments supported the bust yes, but also in many periods they supported the weight of the dress. In 17th and 18th centuries and Victorian Era the skirts of rich women especially had a lot of heavy fabric which would be hard to deal with and move around with, if all the weight is only on the waist. But with a structural garment it distributes the weight to the whole torso, especially on the hips.

A structural garment needs to be fitted well and worn with with a shift underneath. It absolutely can be uncomfortable, create bruising and restrict breathing, if it's not well fitted. If you have ever used too small jeans that contain no spandex at all, you know how nasty the effects can be on the skin. Especially TV sets often have very little time for creating costumes and they might have just one fitting or at tops two or in worst case scenario none at all, which very easily leads to ill fitting costumes. That is a huge issue with structural garments. I've been making transitional short stays for myself and I have never made a garment like that so I'm still struggling fit it well (it's unfinished), and I can say it's not comfortable when it doesn't fit well. I haven't watched Bridgerton but I have seen couple of screencaps of different scenes with characters wearing stays and no shift to be seen anywhere. I really do hope they actually are wearing shifts when they have the full outfits on and just didn't wear them in these scenes for aesthetics or something. Because, yes, that will absolutely give you bruising, if you wear any type of fitted and structured garment against your skin without any fabric between it and the skin, against which the structural garment can slide against. It would be irresponsible to put your actors in such garments without shifts. I don't blame the actors for complaining about the "corsets", since I can believe they are uncomfortable if they are not well fitted or god forbid if they aren't wearing shifts.

I don't know how many times this needs to be said: corsets are not torture devices. While I don't blame the actors for complaining, reading comments like this kills one brain cell every time: "Women existed in that for such a long time, which does give you a lot of sympathy for that time period and what they were going through. For the first month, I couldn’t breathe." I'm sorry, but women literally did physical labour in corsets. They climbed mountains in corsets. (I have a whole post related to this.) Do these people really think so little of women in the past that, if corsets really were torture devices, they would have just endured them quietly for centuries? Of course the most fashionable clothing in a lot of the periods were uncomfortable and hard to move in, even restrictive, but those were the court gowns and ball gowns the young fashionable elite wore for the special evening occasions to show off to the high society. But does that really differ from today? If you look at the MET galas and stuff, do these actors really claim the outfits are comfortable? The everyday clothing and the clothing of the working class was fairly comfortable, and yes, they all wore corsets.

Yes, you can make properly fitted, comfortable supportive garments for costumes in any production. The proof is in opera. Opera singers wear corsets in a lot of productions. I have read many accounts by opera singers who talk about how their corsets are well fitted and actually makes singing easier, because you can "lean" on the corset (I don't know anything about singing, but that's what I have seen them say). Also they tend to wear those large and heavy period dresses and as alluded earlier moving on them on stage without corset would be very hard. Singing also would be harder as the singers could easily become breathless from moving the heavy dress without using the muscles on the whole body. Operas have much smaller budget than these big tv and movie productions, so there's really zero excuses for making badly fitting corsets.

So yes, it's dumb, it's inaccurate and kinda infuriating. But it's also actually pretty sinister. The issue isn't actors wearing corsets for many hours, that's what people have done for ages and still do in re-enactments, opera etc. The issue is that there's too little time for fitting and sewing the corsets in modern tv and movie production. And this is part of a much broader issue. Costume designers and makes are unionized in Hollywood and for a while now Hollywood studios have tried to cut the amount of unionized behind the scenes labour they employ.

Making profit from a movie or a tv show is not good enough anymore. Now productions that don't "perform as expected" are seen as flops. The production companies make predictions of profit and green light projects they have calculated to make most profit, and if they don't make that high profit, it's a flop and it won't get the planned sequel or the next season. To achieve those high profits they also do everything they can to lower the production costs, and one way is by employing as little unionized labour, to whom you have to pay fair wages, as possible. So costume departments are then very often understaffed and they have way too little time to produce the costumes in proper quality. This can be seen very blatantly in the clear drop in quality of movie costuming during the past couple of decades. So the reducing of structural garments in costumes seems like yet another attempt to reduce unionized labour disguised as feminism.

Obviously the good and smart solution to the problem of uncomfortable structural garments is to hire enough costumers for long enough time so they can have multiple fittings and make them better.

[pondslime]

Do you think that what Bo said about him and his brothers ending up in foster care was also a lie? I've seen some who think he wasn't lying about that but I don't think the timing and the codependency him and his brothers have adds up to them being separated for a bit, ya know? Sorry for bombarding you with a question but ugh there's just so much untouched lore potential I wanna screeeeeam

*cracking knuckles* oh baby u just opened the floodgates I am about to be SO fckn annoying

so personally, I very much believe that bo's spinning an ENTIRE crock of shit during that conversation w/carly and wade

something that I think we all need to highlight more is that the baby idiot himself has SUCH a flair for the dramatic. our favorite caveman is a chronic theater kid. like, okay acting 101? okay thespian? okay daytime soap OPERA??? the scene he sets for this fuckmurdermayhem is just...................SO grotesque and dramatic and entirely UNNECESSARY LMAO

he's a weirdo who has sequestered himself in a town full of corpses and u just KNOW the gaps between the wax nonsense are LONG and BORING and he's ANTSY

the whole time he's chasing carly thru town he's just. blissed out. goin hehehehehhehehehehe be vewwy vewwwy quiet!! we're huntin' wabbits!!! elmer fudd-mode FULLY engaged

he GRINS before he's shot by a fckin crossbow?????????? BABY???? WHAT ARE U DOING??????

he is truly on some other shit!! convinced his bargain bin broadway play will go off without a hitch and he will somehow??? be getting a standing ovation for his foolishness????

sighing DREAMILY

this is the most fun he's had in possibly months, and he's living la vida loca. he's that one tiktok of all the kids performing summer loving in the denny's. this is his golden globes. his bafta (big ass fucking truck absurdity). his academy award winning performance, starring his raging boner & very little foresight!!!!

I think there might be LIL grains of truth to his story, ofc. the best lies have small kernels of truth to them, and bo's lies seem to work the best when he adds those in (mentioning that he's close to the deceased to incur pity/getting nick to agree to follow him to a second location by mentioning that they might have gone up to the house)

but I do believe that most of it is complete bullshit lmao

there is absolutely no way in hell that those boys EVER got separated. to me!!! at least!! nope. they were in that miserable little house together the whole time. vincent and bo's interactions together speak to years of sibling tension and growing resentment. lester's inclusion in all of this w/his role of like. the ferryman to the fckin UNDERWORLD that is ambrose. is so v a marker of his attachment to his older brothers

they're all inextricably linked!!!!!!

bo 100% killed victor tho. u do not mime shooting urself in the head when discussing ur dad's death if u did not shoot him point blank range w/a smile on ur face. u simply do not. not entirely sure if he killed trudy. feel like that might've been vincent/a group job. or. pet theory. she DID just die of natural causes. or. other pet theory. she was actively participating/aware of the first couple murders. we'll never know but. huh

I also REALLY don't buy the "trudy got a cyst in her brain" stuff. I've played around w/it in a couple fics, but I v much think the probablity of it being a complete fabrication? oh 99.9%. most definitely. talking about ur mom getting strapped to the bed & screaming loud enough for the whole town to hear? hsdfjhfdsjhsdf BOY GOODBYE.

like????? that's SUCH a deranged thing to tell someone u just met. and it v much seems like smthn he tossed out to purposefully unnerve them. he didn't have to say that, but he DID. bc he loves the cat and mouse game. that's why he creeps on them @ the campsite. he's so deeply abnormal

it's all this weird sad little story that's designed to make u uncomfortable. also. sidenote......................in this version of the scene that he's set, he's the mourning parishioner sadly recounting a tale of woe that he's notably detached to. who is he in relation to the story he weaves? nobody. just an observer.

if life could be a fckin dream boseph!!!

BTW. he does this in the original script, but it's somehow EVEN weirder.

he is. and I CANNOT stress this enough. roleplaying as a kid in the neighborhood that trudy liked and would spoil.

???????????????????????????????????????????

babygirl is truly going thru it!!!!!! babygirl this is EMBARRASSING!!!!!! ur MOMMY ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!! BABYGIRL!!!!!!!!! they are SHOWING!!!!! they are STAPLED to ur forehead!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

he's so ABNORMAL!!!!!!! I need to make out w/him!!!!!!!! RN!!!!!!!!!!!

vincent waiting 2 hear what dumbass alternate reality bo has cooked up for this batch of tourists:

I always talk about how dumb bo is. and I mean every word of it. I really do. but I do think he's got a couple braincells.

I v much feel like he's v much a creature of habit. he's been doing this shebang for years n years and he knows how it goes. he gets his fuckin n suckin and vincent gets his wax sculptures. bada bing bada boom. showtime baby.

his "plan" is v much as solid as a plastic bag drifting thru the wind, wanting to start again. he is fr hinging this whole thing on a series of events, that, should they not happen, he has no alternative for. and he is so weird and so strange and cannot deviate from his script LEST he get pissymad and ruin everything. he's so dumb. I'm so v in love w/him.

TL; DR!!

I wrote this for my peabrain video essay script and it's all the above bullshit nonsense. but more coherent:

& an unrelated bit. bc it's still my favorite bit of the script & the only part I recorded a voice clip for sfjdhdfjshdfs

[wannabepapa]

Haiii!!!!! Coming in with an ask to hopefully brighten your day at least a little!

I keep thinking about renting a quiet cabin somewhere where there's lots of snow for the holidays. I'm due in a month or so, so we wanted to spend one last holiday season snuggled up together before our bundle of joy is here. We get snowed in, but there's no cause for worry; we've got plenty of supplies and each other's company. Cozying up next to the fire, donning massive sweaters that look ridiculous yet adorable on us. Mine would be tight around the belly, but that makes for easy belly rub access, so I view that as a plus. I'd get you all situated by the fire with plenty of pillows and blankets before waddling off, coming back a few minutes later with some warm cookies and two mugs of cocoa. After everything's situated and settled, I'd crawl into your cocoon of blankets to snuggle up next to ya, letting my belly, alive with the movements of our little nugget, rest gently on your tummy. A perfect evening for a snowed-in couple of goobers, and as the fire smolders to embers, we'd either sleepily head to bed or decide to stay snuggled up on the couch for the night.

Or something like that sdjbahdahsbfha I am rambling hard. I am very eepy so thoughts are a little jumbly rn. Anyways enjoy this slightly messy Marin Brain Thought™

Marin, light of my life, the sweetest friend to ever exist!!!!!!!!! I am kissing your head because that brain is beautiful and I am so very appreciative of this ask it hits me in the feels for the cozy and domestic stuff!!

We take this moment—it's the holiday season and we deserve a break before baby comes—to disappear into a cozy cabin for the remainder of the holiday season. Our perfect second baby moon (I would have taken you on another holiday while you were around five months pregnant because the woman carrying my baby DESERVES A HOLIDAY) to not only reign in the new year but to celebrate us before bringing in a new being. I have made sure that we've got the coziest place with the perfect views before booking our nearly three week trip.

I have purposefully overpacked so we would have our favorite blankets, pillows, pjs, and even some of the baby's stuffed toys so we would feel comfortable on vacation. I have never been anywhere that has snow that didn't melt the next day so this is exciting for me. I've got new jackets and jumpers for us to cuddle in by the fire so we stay pleasantly bundled while watching the snow fall. I hope the baby is as excited for this trip as we are because this cabin is perfect and I don't really want to leave.

You bury me in our soft things and all the things we found in the cabin to make a nest of the living room floor. We don't have our at home but this will do as a temporary replacement. I keep trying to drag you back in to get warm though you keep escaping my grasp to waddle away. When you come back with snacks and cocoa I can't help but imagine our little nugget toddling right beside you with our newest addition nestled safely in your now noticeable bump. Who knows, maybe I'll be the one wrapped up in blankets with our newest addition while you get snacks for our happy toddler.

As you nestle down beside me my arms bring you in close, a hand spraying over your swell to feel our baby. That jumper is stretched so thin we can see their movements clearly—I love pointing out their little feet and poking them to play. Once we're settled I talk about how this is a perfect tradition to continue with our family, and how I can't wait to have another baby with you.

[nayvwriter]

⭐️ Have fun!

Mm, let's go with some stuff about when I thought of Hope's Renegades things. Implied major nexomon extinction spoilers and also fic spoilers below.

(sorry I rambled about a fic you have no investment in, I only realised after I wrote this entire thing)

Amelie being a Renegade? The same day I made the document for the fic, so the same day the fic progressed from a vague vibes-based "nexomon four protagonists au" to an actual idea. Hope didn't even have a name at the time, that's how early this was!

I'd come up with the premise of Renegades being like this, the idea that Ross Coco and Nora were going to be the Renegades of the protagonist, and the fact the protagonist was going to be very mute.

I briefly considered Storm for Hope's name, but by the time I started writing the second chapter I'd decided on Hope, partially because it made the title sound really cool (I hadn't had a title at the time, but I'd been considering some things). Also, I don't know why Hope-verse keeps having spoilery titles... Some people got it immediately, others did not.

A little over a week after properly starting the fic, I had four and a half chapters written and one posted. This would set the speed for the remainder of Hope's Renegades. How I planned, wrote, edited, and posted 138k in less than 5 months... I just hyperfocused the fic. Really hyperfocused the fic, like I'd never done before.

What Amelie does in the finale I thought of very shortly after that, before I'd finished writing chapter 5, in the middle of the night. Yes, I had in fact been planning this practically from the beginning. Yes, it was really difficult not to tell people, but thankfully for most of that time the only nexomon person I was talking to already knew because I tell her everything.

I was trying to foreshadow it as much as I reasonably could, short of psychic intervention, but when it's something as out-of-nowhere as that... there's only so much you can do. I've been focusing on Amelie a lot throughout the fic, but to expect her to not only redeem herself but to do that - I tried to establish it as a possibility (repeating the fact that Vados was vulnerable to his own powers multiple times, for example), but it wouldn't have seemed likely.

And I believe a little after thinking of Amelie's choice, I came up with the idea for the Sunset Arc, which I then made sure to build and plan towards.

Conversely, some of the things that seem like they should have been planned for ages actually really weren't.

Strawberry Cake, which happened pre-canon, was first thought of when I was writing the third arc (at which point I started referencing it whenever possible).

The turning point in Bolzen's revival was thought of on the spot as I was writing it.

So was Nora's realisation about Hope being more vulnerable to Tyrant sensors without their Renegades! I did purposefully say they weren't easily sensable when separated from their Renegades because of the Renegades thing, but I only figured out the implications for the Sunset Arc when Nora did. Which is probably why it flowed so well.

So were... a lot of things, actually. A fair few scenes that weren't in the chapters when I initially wrote them. A couple of chapters that kinda weren't, for example making the Mysteries Arc two chapters longer. A lot of directions conversations went, like Ada finding out about Ulrich. Characters just do things.

So Yeah. thank you for the ask!

[maybebecomingms]

dry-ish january

January 19, 2024

I have a very much on-again, off-again relationship with alcohol. (TW if this is a tough subject for you.)

I grew up with alcoholic parents, developed a fondness for beer before I ever went to school, and sometimes partook with them before I graduated high school. My best friend in college was 4.5 years my senior, and I spent much of the summer following my freshman year at her house in a small mining town where there's not much else to do but drink. She didn't have a car, so I'd wait for her outside while she got the goods I wasn't yet old enough to buy myself.

We threw a joint graduation party 3 years later and didn't drink or provide alcohol. Our mental health wasn't great and we knew it wouldn't help. So we just... didn't, and hadn't been.

I met the man I would later marry (and divorce) the following year, and my habits slowly changed again. He drank regularly, so I started to as well. I could never drink as much as he did without feeling like absolute garbage, so I made it a point to have at least 3 sober days each week. If I could manage to have just one or two on the other days, it might not be so bad.

But it was never just one or two. It was usually four or more. As I became increasingly more uncomfortable with the reality of my life and the impossible expectations placed on me, taking three days off each week became more and more of a challenge. Meanwhile, I got involved in mental health care and routinely lied to my providers about how much I was consuming.

I'm a sucker for any sort of temporary challenge, and would give it up for periods of time. I did at least a couple sober Lent seasons. And I did Dry January sometimes, too. It wasn't easy - my ex would sometimes act offended when I declined to drink alcohol on random days throughout the week. When I took a break for weeks on end, you'd think I was purposefully harming him.

I've always been acutely aware of the risks of excessive drinking. I've seen folks die from alcohol-induced dementia, and liver failure. It's not pretty. My parents and all their friends were party animals, and many of their friends have died from substance use. Besides alcoholism, I have family history of heart disease and diabetes. My dad died of heart failure at only 58 (10 years ago next month), and I know his drinking played a role in his death.

Cutting way back following my divorce wasn't as easy as I had initially thought it would be. I couldn't stand my living situation with my old roommates, and up until only a couple of months ago, I was working a job where I was treated unbelievably badly every single day. While I wasn't routinely downing 12+ drinks a week like before, I still routinely felt a "need" to cope by drinking.

This time, I decided to do Dry January a little differently. I decided I will not drink *at home* over the course of this month, or while alone. If I was out with friends and it felt okay, maybe I'd have a little. But the ONLY acceptable reason was to enjoy something that tastes good while socializing - it could not be to cope with any sort of bad feelings.

To my surprise, it's WORKED! And it's worked so well. In years past, I would do it, but it felt like it took an incredible amount of control and self-restraint. Like I was white-knuckling it the whole time.

It hasn't been like that at all. I honestly haven't thought about it much - besides the ways I have been feeling better. I haven't missed it. It's felt like the opposite of a need to control. More like a release.

I don't think I'll ever be someone who would be able to tell you I haven't had a drink in years. I don't think I even want that for myself. I like to share a cider with a friend, and I'll probably always want the option. But now it's finally just that - an option that I can enjoy on occasion. Or not!

[skywalking-through-life]

If you don't mind me asking, what are your tips to getting yourself to write/ making time to write?

This is a GREAT ask, and even though I'm not sure that what works for me will work for everyone, I'm happy to share what I do in case it works for you, anonymous friend! 💙

So, to start, in full transparency: I have ADHD, a very, very busy and stressful job, and a spouse and dog and house, so I'm not always great at this! AND I'm not always great at not shaming myself when I am not great at this, even though I know better than to think that shame is in any way helpful. 💀

Because of all that, I think that step 1 HAS to be an acknowledgement that you aren't always going to find the time/motivation/energy/willpower/inspiration to write - because of things both in and not in your control - and that is totally fine! The acceptance of that being totally fine is an important part of all of this, because I have found that if you are literally ALWAYS stressed about writing more/writing a certain thing/meeting writing goals, then you can very easily fall into the kind of anxiety spiral that inhibits creativity and makes you start to dread or dislike writing. That's no fun, and writing should be fun!

So, I guess my tip for 'getting yourself to write more' is to start by NOT putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to write - which probably feels paradoxical, lol. Instead, only write when you feel the inspiration to! If possible, the literal moment that inspiration strikes, even if it's just you taking 2 seconds to jot down a note in your notes app, so you can come back to it when the inspiration/excitment strikes again! And yeah, I purposefully didn't say to come back when you have the time for it, because if you're like me, having the time to do something can feel oddly paralyzing - I have free time, so I SHOULD do something productive or creative with it, right? But I don't always think so - sometimes you need that time to let your brain be fallow, to wander, to dream. Let your drive to write wax and wane, as all natural things do! There's a rhythm to it, and learning what YOUR rhythms are matters. And, creativity NEEDS rest! If you are trying to make all your free hours productive ones, then your well of ideas and motivation is going to run dry before long.

What has been especially helpful to me during this season of my life is to acknowledge that I get excited about different wips at different moments, and just because I am really into one topic/theme/plot/ship/wip right now, it doesn't mean that I won't get a burst of inspiration for a completely different one next week! Having multiple (for me, wildly different) things on the go at once means that there is always something for me to work on when my brain loses interest in one thing, and knowing that helps me not stress that I've lost all creative steam - it's just gone in a new direction.

Okay, so since this is becoming a novel, just a couple more quick ideas: I listen to music that makes me think when I am trying to puzzle out a writing direction I want to take, and use my commute to and from work in the morning to mentally work out plot points, themes, dialogue, etc. For me that's almost 2 hours out of my day, and it helps me decompress from work! I also like to write in the bath, because that makes me feel contemplative, and sometimes at work on my lunch break, if work itself has provided some inspiration. I basically just try and work little creative moments into my day! You don't need to carve out a big block of time to write during, make it work for you and your schedule.

And genuinely, seriously: don't beat yourself up if you can't focus/make the time. I have been struggling with chapter 4 of '[conduct] not unbecoming' for the past 2 months, and it wasn't until I stopped fighting with it and decided to let my brain go in the direction it wanted to go (a very different one LMAO) that I started to feel light enough, inspired enough, and thoughtful enough to make progress on it again! Listen to your brain when it is telling you what it needs. 💙

[enneamage]

I remember someone pointing out how in Wilbur's first retelling of MCC4 he acknowledged he didn't agree with how he acted toward Tommy and did a sort of pseudo-apology, but then a couple of months or so later he did a complete backtrack and played it off a brotherly bickering that was deserved because Tommy was purposefully aggravating him -- something something -- Tommy explicitly saying in his stream with Technodad that Wilbur didn't want him telling the story of how they actually became friends, which boiled down to him calling 15 yr old Tommy on discord to tell him off for using Techno as clickbait despite Techno telling him not to

There's something there but I'm not coherent enough to put it together, Wilbur definitely has a mean streak of some sort, but doesn't enjoy the image of it, like you said in your longer crimeboys post the brother image allows him to stoop to that level, but in Tommy's story they're essentially 23 and 15 yr old strangers, there's no brotherly aspect to it, and it looks poor on Wilbur's behalf, though I've only seen a few people point that out -- the way Wilbur tries to build his online image is so interesting

(I'm on 3 hours of sleep so I'm sorry if I don't make sense!!)

Yeeeah I was thinking about that clip too, now we know how Tommy got in VC with all of them to begin with. I agree that him telling Tommy not to tell that story has self-interest behind it too, not to play the ‘literal minor’ card but talk about picking on someone your own size.  (How often do we hear people mention that Wilbur will get upset if they tell a story? That’s a pattern between a couple people now.)

Sometimes I look at Crimeboys / Wilbur’s audience and I think of survival of the fittest in the way it’s actually meant to be used, the way that the beings best suited to thrive in an environment will last the longest and multiply. Being very forgiving, very sold on a concept and honestly kind of tone-deaf has had so much milage with the Crimeboys community. Apologies to them for wanting to see the best in people but some days the cognitive dissonance is too much.  

The thing that kills me is that he knows he can handwave so much shit as being a big brother now, he has a way of speaking when he’s throwing out an excuse that he half-knows is an excuse, or at least knows it’s going to let him get away with something. All that’s left is to look forward and see how the fandom changes from here since the Crimeboys story arc has been resolved for at least a year now and there’s going to be a new wave of people with Lovejoy and whatever Tommy has coming up next, maybe the narrative will loosen a bit more as the tide changes.

[slimeywooper]

Sinking Despair

Chapter 4 - Arrival Part 1

CW: mentions of lactation and breast feeding

The months flew by, and it quickly became a race against time to prepare. Diapers and wipes were being stockpiled in the corner of the room, delivered by a research assistant. Kudari diligently crafted a makeshift crib from his webbing, and readjusted your bed to a lower level since you were unable to comfortably be lifted so high off the floor. One of his desks had been cleared off to be used as a changing table. Your daily walks for exercise turned into taking a short and fleeting loop around the third lab floor when you were up for it. Even then, it was at a snail's pace. After the initial follow-up with the doctor, you had an embarrassing moment where your nipples leaked, only noticing when Kudari pointed it out. On top of everything else, your body was working against you, as well.

For the past couple weeks, you've awoken almost nightly to see a flash of yellow eyes staring at you through the darkness. They would disappear as soon as you started to focus on them. It could only be Nobori checking on you, though the confirmation came in the form of Kudari's sour mood upon waking up, complaining about a 'nasty ghost smell.' A few times, when he would leave to get you food, Kudari would come back later than expected, even more upset than when he awoke. Your assumption was he would confront his brother, but after returning, refuse to elaborate on what happened.

Dr. Hoffman only showed up one more time to ask the same questions he had previously, but you were also given the impending date for the birth of your babies. There was a reserved excitement that mixed with dread. As much as you couldn't wait to meet them, you also knew their arrival would change the dynamic with Kudari and Nobori. Will they both be so distracted by the twins' birth that they leave you alone? Or will they get even more obsessed? You haven't seen Nobori in person, besides him watching you while you slept, to make an informed guess, but Kudari has been the same as always. Keeping him at arms length isn't an option. He's always with you, a hand on your shoulder, or running through your hair. You've tried to maintain as neutral a tone as possible during conversations, purposefully avoiding the topic of your relationship. The energy required to argue just isn't there. The continuation of that discussion will have to wait until you are capable.

Eventually, the day finally comes to induce labor. You're sitting on the web with Kudari at your side when Colress shows up to escort you to Plasma headquarters. He lets himself in and takes a look around, eyes landing on the crib Kudari had made. "What the hell is this supposed to be?" he asks, marching up to it and placing a hand on the rail.

"That is the bed for the babies, of course!" Kudari informs him with a sense of pride. "I made it to accommodate their tiny bodies. They should be very comfy in there!"

"Unbelievable," Colress mutters. "No, it's not good enough. I've already ordered two separate cribs. There will be a research assistant bringing them by later. I mean, really, even if you made another one, so they could each have their own bed, what if they inhaled the fibers from the webbing and choked to death?"

"Ummm…" Kudari replies in thought, raising a finger to his bottom lip apprehensively. "D-do you really think that could happen?"

"I'd rather not find out," Colress states dismissively, shaking his head.

"I have a sneaking suspicion that these babies are going to be the only ones (Y/N) will put up with having."

"Nonsense! (Y/N) is going to have many more babies! The twins are just the start! In fact, I'm thinking—"

You quickly interrupt the potential dispute, "We'll take the cribs. Kudari and I will discuss which ones we want to use, right Kudari?"

Looking back to you with renewed affection, Kudari responds, "Yes, darling! That's a wonderful idea!"

Colress scoffs and shakes his head again. "Whatever. Well, (Y/N), we should be going."

"I am coming with you!" Kudari asserts, placing an arm around you to help you up.

"No, you're not. You're staying here in the lab, where you belong," Colress scolds him.

Going on the defensive, Kudari angrily insists, "My mate is going into labor soon, I will not abandon her to some quacks!"

"It doesn't matter what you want. You can't go into Plasma headquarters. There's no way for you to sneak up there without all the grunts seeing your freak body and causing them to have mental breakdowns. No one other than laboratory personnel know of the experiments we have done. You're staying here." Colress raises his hand, attempting to quell Kudari's incoming bickering, "Don't worry, Nobori will be there with her."

"Absolutely not! I am her mate and the father of her children! Not Nobori!" Kudari releases you and stomps over to Colress, poking his forefinger into his chest with every word he states, "I. Am. Not. Staying. Here. (Y/N) needs me, so I am coming. And that is final!"

Sighing in frustration, Colress pulls out the small device from around his neck and presses the top button, causing Kudari to collapse on the floor, twitching.

"Kudari!" You blurt out.

There's no response, he's slumped over his Galvantula half at an odd angle, eyes shut.

"He'll be fine, (Y/N), he's just unconscious. I'll lock him in the room once we leave, as I'm sure when he recovers, he will be quite upset," Colress says with a smirk.

Looking down to him, you apologize, "Kudari, I'm sorry, but don't worry. I'll be fine. We've already met the doctor and he seems really nice. I'll come back as soon as I can." The words are said in the hope he can hear you in his current state.

Colress calmly walks to the door with you following behind. After leaving the room, true to his word, he taps on his tablet to lock the door behind you. "Let's not dawdle, Nobori is on his way there ahead of us," he explains, lightly resting a hand on your shoulder. The both of you journey through the lab, thankfully in silence, then take the elevator up to Plasma headquarters. From the main floor, another elevator is taken to reach the medical bay.

When you arrive, Colress directs you to enter the room as he goes into the office, supposedly to speak with the doctor. Stepping inside, you see that Nobori is already there turning down the sheets on the bed. This location clearly isn't meant for intensive procedures such as childbirth, but the staff have cleared out the room of any other patients and put a privacy curtain around the bed. Looking over to you, Nobori smiles tenderly. "Hello, dearest. Come, let's get you ready," he offers, approaching you and leading you to the bed. "Put on this hospital gown. Call me if you need any help changing." He hands you the gown and steps back, closing the privacy curtain. You can still see his feet underneath, standing close by.

Holding the garment in your hands, they shake slightly as you place the gown on the bed and begin to disrobe. After you have finished dressing, you call for Nobori, "I'm done. You can open the curtain."

The curtains are pulled back, and Nobori stands next to you once more, placing his hand on your lower back. "It's almost time. I'll be with you through the whole process. Now, sit down." He gingerly helps you lift your legs onto the bed, moving your body where it needs to be in order for you to sit in the middle of it. Colress finally shows up, standing opposite of Nobori, on the other side of the bed.

Nobori grabs your hand and leans over you. Using his right forefinger, he moves your face so your full attention is on him and says, "Don't be nervous, dear. I am here with you. It's going to feel like no time has passed at all when you wake up."

"W-what?" you manage to ask before feeling a sharp pain in your neck. Turning back to Colress, he takes a step away from the bed with a needle in his hand. The room starts spinning and you lay back, attempting to stop the vertigo. "What did you inject me with?" you gasp.

"Just a little something to make things go smoothly," Colress replies, nonchalantly. "You should thank me, really. There won't be any pain. Well, probably. You likely won't remember if there is. Just close your eyes and go to sleep. We'll take care of you."

The last thing you see is Nobori, feeling his hand run through your hair, then you're consumed by darkness

[moonlightdoesgenshin]

You wanna read about the history of Kazuha on my account?

No?

Too bad.

I didn't get Kazuha in 2.8 for Reasons(mainly that I had him on an alt acc), so I had to wait until 3.7. It was not fun not having him in the time in between. The amount of times I got a "No Kazuha?" in response to asking for advice was crazy lol

So, I tried to save for him for a while, like I started after Alhaitham I think? Might be wrong though it's been a while since then

I had a lot of slip-ups in-between, like I know I got Baizhu by accident at like 34 pity(I love him though no regrets) and purposefully got Nahida in 3.6 and Miko at 40-something pity(I hated her back then but I also love her now) during the first half of 3.7. I thought my chances of Kazuha were doomed.

So- weird thing about me, I cannot handle my pity not being a multiple of 10(or 0, 0 is also fine). I do not know why so don't ask lmao. So, after I got Miko, I was doing singles to get back to 10 to calm my stupid brain, and at 9 pity I got a Qiqi. This incident is actually the reason I still love her to this day, because to me in that moment, she saved me.

So, as Kazuha's banner drew closer, I saved up money and bought a $100 genisis pack so I could guarantee him on release(yes I spend money on this game, but I haven't bought anything over $10 for the past 6 months or so).

I got him at literally 1 pity. I did the first 10 pull, it was gold, and he was the very first one. This is still by far the luckiest I have ever been in this game.

I used the rest of my pulls on the weapon banner, and got a LoFI at 29 pity(which I was very happy about because I love Alhaitham) and had 40 pity towards the next 5 star.

I grinded out the pulls I could, and got another LoFI at 50ish pity. I had maxed fate points.

I wasn't originally going to push for FS, but a couple days before the banner ended the sunk cost fallacy got to me and I dropped another $100 on it and got it.(I have no regrets, but also don't do what I did lmao)

From there on, the Kazuha Year began. For ~a year after I got Kazuha and FS, I solely strongboxed VV for a year, trying to make him the best he could possibly be. I got the final piece for the first completed build on 7/15/24, and it looked like this at the time

1,013 em and 190 er. It was basically perfect.

I gave him his first crown, his burst, on 7/22/24, but I don't have a screenshot of that.

If I had made this post pre-5.0, that would be it. But 5.0 is here.

First, I hit soft pity(78) on 9/3/24 and won my first 50/50 since Hu Tao in 4.1 and got c1.

Then, I finally got enough sanctifying elixirs, and used them on a new circlet, making this his final build.

At this point in my account, c2 Kazuha is basically just an 8% boost to his elemental damage buff, so I wasn't going to really try to get it, but I do like Kachina as a character so I decided to keep going.

3 days later, on 9/6/24, I was on 10 pity, and did my dailies and ended up with 9 pulls. I decided to wander around Natlan a bit to try and get the final one to do a 10 pull.

I finished a series of puzzles, had enough pulls, and pressed the button. The wish screen lagged slightly, and even though that happens often on my tablet, I knew. That lag was different.

The wish went gold, and after a couple seconds worth of anxiety, I was graced with my very own c2 Kazuha

And 2 days later, I had gathered the weekly boss drops, and farmed the Liyue talent domain, and I gave my favorite character the last two crowns he has long deserved.

Now he looks like this, which until I inevitably give in and go back to VV, he will stay like this.

I'm so proud of how far I've come with him<3

[onedayatatime-please]

Monday, Aug 12th. 2024. 7:43 PM

I know in my description i said this was cheaper than therapy, but I'm actually starting this blog at the same time im choosing to go back to therapy. It has been on my mind for the past three months or so, but I've been hesitant for a couple of reasons. I had such a terrible time with my last therapist that I honestly dont know what the therapist-patient relationship is supposed to be like or how im supposed to speak to them. Also its hard to motivate myself to go looking for a therapist when for so long my brain registered my therapist as a really shitty aspect of life. Also i think ive been having a hard time actually internalizing how bad my mental state is. I know that I feel terrible and that I think things that a lot of people would find extremely worrying and shocking, but at this point in my life im so dissociated from the ability to actually feel concern for myself. Whenever I decide not to kill myself I make that decision based off of the understanding of how it would affect the people around me who I care about. That is something that I can't put them through, especially since I have seen some of them go through it before. That being said, my decision not to kill myself is never based in my personal concern for my wellbeing, or my understanding that one day i will feel better, or my hope for the future. I do not believe that my life has meaning, I do not believe that any life has meaning. I think the concept of creating meaning in life is just another pointless weighted goal we put on ourselves. Although I am not one of those nihilists that believes that because nothing has meaning, therefore we should purposefully cause harm or negative disruption. I do not believe that there is any meaning in life, or that we can create meaning, but I do believe in the reality of emotions. Meaning or not, the way that people feel is one of the few real tactile things on earth. I want to move through the world in a way which does not harm other people. That is my only personal goal. I hope that a second goal can be that I move through the world as a person who regularly experiences joy. Although I will not make that kind of promise to myself. I have not been alive for very long, I am only twenty, but I have been experiencing suicidal thoughts for more then half of my life. So, I will not make it an unrealistic and weighty goal of mine to never experience suicidality again, because i can hardly remember what living without wanting to die feels like. I often feel like if I make something into a goal and I am not able to achieve that goal then I fall into a spiral of self loathing. That being said, I do have other hopes, that I will not make into goals. I hope to live until I am an old man, at least 85. I hope to have children. I hope to have a community of kind and loving people to surround myself with. I hope to have a person to love and grow alongside. I hope to continue to experience music and nature and find joy and inspiration in both things. I cannot promise any of these things to myself and I will not be upset with myself or see it as a failure if I do not achieve them.

If anyone does read this, there is no point I am trying to make. This is a stream of consciousness because I can't be stuck in my own echo-chamber forever. I am proud of myself for making this post and going back to therapy. I'm not dead yet, I will do my best to keep it that way.

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[redwingedwolves]

I'm a bit late sending everyone asks, but Jelucan, Coruscant, and Hoth for my ask game? :3

Hiya, Sev! Thank you so so much for the ask! I'm gonna answer this for both Keigo and Dabi. ^^

Ask Game.

Jelucan: Has anything ever kept you and your F/O apart? Was it physical distance, the interference of another, or even yourselves?

A couple of these for Keigo, definitely. His job on the occasion makes him go to different parts of the country so that he can help out if needed, and this usually means he can be gone for weeks/months at a time, depending. As for anything actually nefarious, though, I think our week-long separation that happened really early on in our relationship is the only instance I can think of.

All of the above for Dabi, though. He works as well, but it's not exactly, uh, legal, so at times he can leave and be gone for a while depending on what he needs to do. His boss is a literal(not really) man-child who demands all of Dabi's time when he actually is out working. And during the beginning of our relationship, we actually fought quite a lot, and we definitely tended to get in each other's way at times. I remember quite a few instances in which Dabi would ghost both me and Keigo after a fight, and we wouldn't hear from him for sometimes a couple of weeks during the particular bad ones. The longest was a month, and both me and Keigo were convinced he'd left for good when he suddenly showed back up at our door and acted like nothing had even happened. We did eventually talk about what had caused him to leave, but at the time we were just happy that he came back at all.

Coruscant: If you and your F/O could live anywhere, where would it be?

If Keigo could live anywhere at all, he'd probably choose the beach, or at least near one. He loves the ocean, and his favorite animal is the dolphin, so the beach would definitely be his go-to place.

For Dabi, he prefers quiet and solitude, so he'd actually probably do best in a cabin somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. XD If he had to choose, though, he'd probably just say anywhere as long as it ain't near his dad. XP

For me? I don't really mind either way. I'd love to live on a farm though, so somewhere out in the country would be best for me. I don't really care where, though, so just as long as I have some distance between me and my neighbors I'm a happy camper. lol

Hoth: Has your F/O ever been cold to you? Have you ever been cold to them? What did it take to get them/you to warm up?

Keigo? Never. But I've also never really given him any reason to be. And besides on the very rare occasions we give each other the cold shoulder(we're both working on that), I don't think we've ever purposefully shut the other out in any way.

Dabi, though? Yes, and this is to both me and Keigo. Dabi was extremely icy in the beginning, but that was because he didn't fully trust us. After a while of us showing him that we didn't really care that he was a Villain, he eventually let his walls come down around us and he relaxed.