#I've been trying to write but I just can't

[tuttle-did-it]

With you on all of this. I wanted to like Deanna. But the show seemed to decide that if Riker liked her, that was enough to make us like her.

But if I had been on this ship, I would have found it offensive that someone could just drill into my brain like that. I would have avoided her like the plague-- because I do find it quite invasive to have someone know how I was feeling and why-- all the time. I would feel incredibly vulnerable around someone like that-- if she was as powerful as they say, she could easily not only detect what people were feeling, but also influence that. I would hate being near someone like that because I am possessive of my thoughts and feelings. Certain topics-- especially tv-- sure, I can talk about feelings about that. But real life stuff? My past, traumas, etc? Those are mine. And someone seeing through them and announcing them to the whole bridge crew whenever she felt like it-- or even having the ability to do that-- I would steer clear of her.

And instead of them just insisting it is moral and fine and giving us what-- one single episode where they acknowledge how much power she could have over someone, how vulnerable it could make people around her? How easily she could fuck people over if she wanted to? Play with that a bit more. Have people uncomfortable around her. Have her trying to deal with crew who avoid her like the plague. Have crew who refuse to work with her, have some fucking conflict *somewhere.* have her do something bloody unethical where she crosses a line because she is so powerful and it causes actual problems instead of 'he's angry, captain,' and 'what do you think?' And 'how does that make you feel?' Either she's powerful and there are consequences for that power, or she os not powerful and there are consequences for that, too. But you're right-- everything she says, Beverly could have figured out as well.

Or, hell-- when Troi loses her powers, give her 12 episodes where she is trying to get it back. Where she has to prove she is more than just a lie detector machine. Where she has to become more. Data advanced from his programming. But none of the others ever did. And it was the worst with Troi. Give us a whole season where she has to prove she's more. Where sometimes bits of her powers are coming back, but then they blink out again. Where she just has to work for it and prove that no, she deserves to be there even without the powers. She is good enough to be there without them. Then, maybe she gets them back, maybe not. I honestly think she'd have been a better character of they *didn't* return. Shed have to find *something* more to say than 'he's angry, captain.' 'They're hiding something, captain.' It just makes him look incompetent not to see that. So take away her powers and make her work for it.

She's not a good therapist. I've gone to therapy, a lot. And the advice she gives people is worse than the shit you'd see from chat gpt. She's a terrible therapist. At least make her competent. At least hire a psychologist who can say 'she needs to dig deeper here, she can't just say 'and how does that make you feel?' Thats awful therapy. Barclay was a mess before she met him, but her 'counselling' just does absolutely nothing.

I wanted to like Troi. I genuinely have tried for decades to find something I like about her, some story about her I can care about. And there is just nothing for me. I cared more about Tasha in s1 and 'Yesterday's Enterprise' than I ever cared about Troi. I cared more about Ro Laren in her debut episode than I ever cared about Troi. More about Pulaski in a single season. More about Beverly in a single scene than I ever cared about Troi. Which is sad and absurd because she's in the show twice as much as these women-- maybe more of them all put together. She had to ability to be such a great character. The writing failed, hands down. But the other actors brought something more to their characters, made them feel more real and fleshed out despite the shoddy scripts. I don't feel the same with Marina. I genuinely would have preferred to kill off Troi and keep Tasha (had Denise wanted to stay, I get why she didn't) or to have Beverly or Ro in more often. Troi is one of the most useless characters I've ever seen in Trek. Which is sad cos Trek has quite a fee useless characters.

Agree with Odo comments as well-- it was a stroke of genius that they made Odo a shapeshifter who could be anything. Except he can't because he's bad at it. And it hurts him. Was it for budget reasons and to avoid plots becoming way too easy? Yes. But they did something with it that pushed his storyline forward and gave him conflict. And it gave him an inner trauma that he needed to fix-- to the point where he does things *very* against his own ideals and morals just to try to get answers about who he was, and where he came from. By making his talent his trauma, they invited that story, that discomfort of others around him, his own discomfort about himself and his people, that was just a brilliant way to deal with it.

They *eventually* did the same thing with Wesley-- his genius (which they could only show by making all the other qualified adults around him very stupid-- eventually became his trauma. Became the thing that hurt him and kept him distant from others. And it actually worked really well! It was sad they waited til s7 to give him those cracks and issues, but there were a few tiny fractures in earlier seasons do when it did happen, it made sense. It actually ended up being a fantastic story arc. The thing that made him special was also the thing that hurt him.

There were no consequences to Troi having 1000+ worth of people's emotions every day other than her getting a bit tired and needing some chocolate. Okay? And? We met another Betazoid who completely fell apart just being around one person, let alone a ship of people. And I cared more about Tam in that one single episode than i ever cared about Troi. Make it harder on her. Make it hurt her sometimes. Make her talent her achilles heel. They did it with Tam. Data. Odo. But they couldn't do it with her. So they just stuffed her in spandex and had her say 'and how does that make you feel?' For 7 years.

But DS9 was the only legacy Trek that wasn't desperately allergic to consequence. I wish DS9 had more consequence-- poor O'Brien should have had at least a couple mental breakdowns. But they did what they could with the formula at the time.

star trek characters will literally go through the most life changing traumatic multidimensional extrasensory eldritch hell torture imaginable and then they're fine and the next episode they gotta deal with a guy who is bald

[everestgale]

Whatever you're trying to do right now, you don't have to do it alone.

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Happy New Year's Eve, Slay the Princess community!

A long, long message and credits to the designs are under the cut.

[Please excuse any awkward sentences, weird repetitions, and grammatical mistakes, I've been awake for 20 hours or so]

I cannot describe how much joy I feel right now, finally getting this drawing done. I feel nothing but joy when I think about Slay the Princess, and I feel nothing but pure adoration when I think about and spend time in this community. This game and this community truly brought a lot of happiness to me and made this otherwise unremarkable, maybe even depressing, year that much brighter. I wish I had more and better words to describe what I'm feeling right now! Genuinely, I don't have words to describe how much gratitude I feel right now.

And so for my final piece of 2024, I wanted to make a thank you drawing to this community and hopefully express the fraction of love and gratitude I feel right now. And I decided to make that drawing a group photo of 30 different Heroes! It ended up being 29 Heroes and one Opportunist, but I promise there is a reason for that-

If I had more time and energy, I would've included even more people, there are so many skilled artists, writers, and wonderful people in general who ended up excluded, especially due to this drawing being a voice-centered piece. But I'm glad I at least get to highlight some of the wonderful creators and artists in this community! Please check them out and support their work! They are all amazing <3

If you wanted to know who is the author behind each design, I made an annotated version! Sorry if the text is too small, I tried my best to write it as large as I could T-T

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Now onto the message to the people in the drawing:

First! I sincerely apologize if I missed some details with your Hero design, or if I used an outdated version of it. I wanted to keep this a surprise, and for some of these, I had to dive into the depths of Tumblr to find (hopefully) relevant references. And yes, if you've received a DM from me about your Hero in the past few weeks or so, this project was the reason why! And if you've received an anonymous ask about your Hero, there is a quite good chance it was from me, too <3

And second! I have a message for each and every one of you:

@acethekenku: Your designs are so well-made and awesome! Especially adore your Broken and Contrarian, there's something about them that just immediately catches my eye! Your Contrarian's fashion and DIY skills are also immaculate :]

@artificial-radiance: Your art is absolutely wonderful, whether it's Slay the Princess, Destiny 2, or sonas! I wish I had a better word to describe your art, but the best I got is "delicious" /lh

@beartitled: I adore your StP comics! I adore your drawings of male!Princesses! I adore your non-StP work! Everything you make is so charming, and it's always a joy to see your work <3

@bubblybloob: One of my favorite fanart memes, to this day, is your old "I do not control the speed at which princesses die" meme. I still go re-read it sometimes when I'm not feeling great, it always puts a smile on my face (yes, this is my kind of humor). Though, your new voice designs are SO creative and unique! Love the fluffy Para and the prophetic cage Skeptic especially, but they are all so good <3

@coldranger: Your lads! So simple and yet so well-designed and expressive! That roadrunner Hunted you shared yesterday is so adorable, I can't with him! It is always wonderful to see more of your drawings. Also thanks for gushing with me over mod Owl's designs <3

@cookiealchemieart: I recently mentioned that you are one of my first Tumblr follows, and it's for a good reason! You made a lot of wonderful illustrations, and your three fan princesses are some of my favorites of all the ones I've seen before! And your voice designs, gosh, I am hugging your Contrarian-

@dampfur: Your art is unbelievably charming! And when I saw your Burned Bridges post with redesigns for Cold and Smittten, I absolutely fell in love with them. I will use this space to gush about just how simple and yet adorable and recognizable they are!

@glitchh1337: Always love seeing what you are up to on Discord! Whether it's design concepts for voices or little pixel art animations, they are all wonderful :]

@justcherryqwq: Your animations!!! Cherry, your animations are pure gold. The way you draw voices as little guys flying around the scene/the Long Quiet is just too perfect. I am also grabbing and petting your Paranoid, gently, of course!

@occatorcreator: You have one of the most unique voice designs/representations I've ever seen! Especially in that one post where you drew voices taking over Long Quiet's body, the way you drew the "possession" is just... so unique, so cool! I wish I had better words!

@orcatnip: I cannot describe how much delight your sketches bring me whenever they show up on my dash! And the way you wrote about voices appearing as fractures in Long Quiet's soul! Oh! Genuinely obsessed!!!

@pareidolla: Your voice designs are very pretty and very adorable! As you can see, I immediately had to try drawing your current iteration of Hero because he is SO PRETTY! I couldn't help myself. Sorry if I was too hasty in my decision to include an in-progress design, but I wanted you to be included here-

@remaking-machine: Rema!!! Your voices!!! They are so precious and charming! Love your Cheated, love your Hero, love your Skeptic! You were one of the first people I found & followed on Tumblr, and it's been such a joy to see what you're up to <3 [Also, I still would like a tray of Hero cookies-]

@salty-an-disco: Your writing, at least from what I've seen of it, is awesome! I genuinely wish I had the attention span to read your Heathens AU because whenever I see you talk about it, or draw anything for it, I love it a lot! Hopefully one day I will, but for now, I am here to admire your art :]

@sorry-not-feeling-it-right-now: Hey, who let this bird-fox into this gathering of Heroes-

Jokes aside, I am absolutely obsessed with your voice designs, and I really, really wanted to include you in this drawing, despite the fact that you are still working on your Hero design. Thank you for letting me include your Opportunist in this drawing, I cannot WAIT to see your Hero design <3

@tai-janai: Your drawings are so delightful, and I love the way you draw your voices! Your voice shipping sketches are also so adorable, and your HeA-inspired ParaHero sketch sometimes decides to show up in my head and not pay any rent (I love it a lot)!

@voiceofthebroken: Remember how I mentioned that your Cheated post inspired one of my upcoming projects? Yes, it was this one. You are responsible for this /lh

Don't want to repeat myself too much from the ask I sent yesterday, but I will once again say that I love your voice designs, and I will once again compliment your Cheated and Hunted. They are precious! <3

@wysteriaisapenguin: Your art is so charming and so recognizable! Your most recent HeA drawing is absolutely stealing my heart in a way that I cannot describe!!! I also really like your Hero design, he was an absolute joy to draw <3

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Oh look, there's more, too!

@sonjalikestodraw: Sonja! Oh Sonja, everything you make is just SO PERFECT, your pieces are always so stellar and carefully crafted, and your voice designs are so thoughtful and so iconic, I love it every time you make a post with a little write-up of your design notes! It's always such a joy to read!!

0th: To say that your designs and your writing inspired my own would be saying nothing at all, they were some of the first I've seen! They will always have a special place in my heart as "the designs" that greatly contributed to my own final designs! And your Swap AU still is one of my favorites in the whole fandom, love all the unique designs you made for it!! Noble my beloved <3

@itsonlypolite: The way your voices ingrained themselves in my brain, I cannot describe it! Your designs are truly some of the most unique, most recognizable designs in the fandom. You deserve every single positive comment and compliment on your art and designs!!! I also love how you reply to people's asks with little drawings of your own. It's so charming and welcoming <3 It's also always pure joy talking to you!

@cammie-yammie: I am very glad that I got over my anxiety and started talking more and hanging out in your thread! I love your art, always so charming, so distinctly you, just such joy to look at, and I'm glad I got to engage with it more, and with you as a person!!! Damn, these sentences are confusing lol Long story short, love your art, love talking to you, and it's just pure joy either way <3

@lavb-b: I am not kidding when I say that your Businessman animation rewired something in my brain, whenever I watch it, I cannot stop myself from laughing, even though at this point I've seen it like 20+ times already. Besides that, your art in general is just such high-quality work, and I love talking to you on the Discord server! Welcoming you with open arms to EG's Yap Central Station /lh

@phantasmatoucan (mod Owl): OWL HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS- You have no idea how obsessed I am with your art, you have SUCH a distinct, awesome style, and the way you designed your voices brings me so, so much joy. And not only are you a skilled artist with amazing voice designs, but you are also just such a positive person, too!!! How is this possible!!! What's your secret!!!

@hello-universe-lovers: Your reblog comments always make me happy, and I absolutely love chatting with you!!! The little interaction you wrote between our Cheateds brought me so much joy as I was finishing this project <3 And even besides that, your art is so charming, and also apparently you are a wizard who draws everything with your finger- I cannot understand such witchcraft /lh

@neverpathia: You are the reason I QPR-ship ParaHero! You got these birds in my brain, and I can't get them out, how dare you (/lh). Jokes aside, I really like your writing, especially the way you write voices, and your art is also very pretty, I love it a lot! It's also such a joy to have you hang out in my art thread, thanks for doing that :]

@disarraydoodlez: Jam! And Kiri! Your art is so iconic, Kiri's desire for perfection never goes unnoticed, and Jam's chaotic silly ideas are always such a highlight (I'm still waiting for you to finish that one Den idea. The one we kept laughing about for like 30 minutes. That one). Thanks for inviting me to the PotC one-shot, I had a lot of fun playing it, and I'm glad we still hang out and chat sometime! Love everything you make, regardless of the fandom, and I can't wait to see what you both will make next <3

@s3viien (they mostly exist on BSky, check them out there!): Sev! My partner in crime! One of my biggest cheerleaders, you have no idea how much how dearly I appreciate it. I love sharing all my random ideas with you, and I love hearing about all of yours! Your art, your videos, and your music are all PEAK, and I'm always happy to see what you've been up to! To our friendship for as long as it lasts <3

@inkedout: And last but certainly and absolutely not least, Ink, my friend, you are one of the big reasons why I feel as comfortable writing all of this right now as I am right now. I cannot put into words just how much I appreciate you as a friend!! it is always such a joy to talk to you, whether it's about StP, or ATR, or a different fandom, or just life in general! I love seeing all your art, your OCs, and anything else you might have <3

Also voice shipping. There are certain ships, you probably know which ones, that are now stuck in my head because of you. I blame you /lh

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I believe that should be all I have to say! Happy New Year's Eve again, and I will see you all in 2025!

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[gigglesandfreckles-hp]

okay so full transparency: i've never really read much fic. i don't have a ton of free time set aside for creative/recreational purposes and the time i do have, i use to write because that just fills me up a lot more. however, i made a commitment to consume more fan-created work in 2024 and i succeeded in that!!! there were still periods where i wasn't able to read much, which has lead to an ever-growing tbr, but i wanted to take a moment at the beginning of this new year to share a hodge-podge of some (completed) fics that wow'ed me this year. a great deal of these are several years old and likely 'old news,' but i got to experience their magic for the first time in 2024 and want to spend some time showing them some love!!! in no particular order:

in losing grip by @keep--driving - 2024 was the year of me learning to love a good second chances au. this fic has all the trope-y goodness you could ever want, along with toe-curling kiss scenes, the perfect kind of humour that makes you squeal into your pillow or porridge or wherever you find yourself, and characters that you just love and root for so easily. i especially loved her take on james and lily's mums and the ways they navigate the world with and beside their children. i read a large chunk of this fic on my kindle as i pushed a stroller this autumn and i will forever associate it with peace and calmness. i'll be re-reading it soon!!!

i love you (ain't that the worst thing you ever heard) by lizardcookie - enter: the other trope i fell in love with in 2024—failed friends with benefits. the way this fic deals with grief in such a poignant, devastating, incredible way had my jaw on the floor. yes there is sexy jily, but there is also giggly jily and insecure jily and scared jily and earnest jily and oh mannnn this is the good ish. the small detail of lily coming around to sirius and james both through her help with the flying motorbike. i love the minute breakdown of lily's thick walls until they come tumbling down and james is right there, waiting, as he always is, patient and Good.

i would drink a case of you, darling by treacherous_talks - one of the tags on this fic is "a good old fashioned 'lily and james get together fic' because there aren't enough of them" so obviously i was in from the jump. this magical fic does such an excellent job at highlighting exactly what it means to be a teenager with a crush on another teenager who you think has a crush on you but you're not completely sure and so you can't ruin it because what if you're wrong. that is such a jily sweet spot i don't often see done as well as it is in this fic!!!

poison of trust by soopsiedaisies - not a jily fic! gasp! in fact, it's remus and sirius (not wolfstar) who are actually not usually as compelling a relationship as some of the other marauder era possibilities. but this fic made me eat my words because it is delicious. the part that i literally included in my ao3 bookmark and that i think about all the time is when remus tries to accuse sirius of equating harry and james and sirius says, oooooh i have chills thinking about it, "i dare you to finish that sentence." YES guarddog sirius black! his position as sole protector of the potter family will never not be important to me and this fic highlights that in such a unique and compelling way.

bad day wall by @apalapucian - there's nothing i could say about this incredible fic that hasn't been said, and recently, but truly—jayne is such a phenomenal wordsmith. this has a dash of 'texting fic,' but make it canon compliant and so beautiful it makes you wanna diiiiiie. the blackevans is unmatched, of course. but james's head-over-heels-ness for lily also has to be mentioned. i love every single one of his batty contributions to the bad day wall as he mopes and wades through all the chaos of trying (and failing) to get over lily evans.

The Guide to Becoming a Better Man for Lily Evans by bronzeagepizzeria - the shirtless james potter agenda is quite special to me, which needs to be stated right out the gate, really. the shirtless james potter who is shirtless on purpose just to get under his dream girl's skin agenda is an ascension i have yet to come back down from.

Of Chrysalism by @maraudersftw - i shall give you this, line, dangling on a stick as a perfectly buttered and garlic'ed (??) carrot, enticing you to cast your cares aside and come read this fic: "He’s spoilt, and persistent, and endearing, and she’s hopeless." like??????? yeah. okay. sure. i'll pretend that i'm capable of returning from that in this lifetime. but actually: james "my feelings matter, too" potter is so important and i love the agency this fic gives him!!!

Scenes from a Hogsmeade Pub by @bcdaily - i think i read this years ago. perhaps. idk i was basically a baby when it was published in 2012. but i recently stumbled upon it (again? maybe?) and just absolutely devoured it. this is quintessential jily to me, in each iteration, as they grow and learn each other and finally, finally, finally choose each other. each of these scenes is so carefully crafted to showcase really important moments in their relationship, but does it using really unimportant moments, which is genius. it's the grand fromage of showing, not telling, and this would absolutely be the first week assigned reading on my syllabus if i got to live out my dream as a professor on jily.

say goodbye to my heart tonight by spinawren - my bookmark for this was literally just "SQUEEEEEEE" and i don't exactly know what i meant by that, but i think it's more eloquent than anything i could come up with here. the premise of this fic is genius: james and lily repeatedly having 'one-night stands' with each other until they realise they've accidentally started dating. but james potter's devotion to being in lily evans' presence is what makes this fic belong on the top shelf!

Bluebird by ocean_away - whewwww, this fic knocked me back in a way i didn't expect. it's a second chances fic of a different calibre all around, but what stands out to me the most in this particular fic is the way james and lily are both shown to so seamlessly grow. they begin as two broken, purposefully hurtful individuals (read: teenagers) and become young adults who choose goodness and each other over and over, even though it's not easy. i feel proud of them, when i read this fic. what a labour of love for our favourite couple.

The Way the Light Looks by @stonecoldhedwig - i have nothing more to say about this fic than this: BEST KISS SCENE I HAVE EVER AND WILL EVER READ!!!!!!!!!!!

Whispers in the Dark by @yallthemwitches - okayyyy so it's difficult to choose just one of tay's fics, but this is such a stand-out to me. friends to lovers!!!! james "but i've never lied to you" potter, i want to kiss you on the MOUTH! he's so earnest, so pure, so "no actually i just wanted to see you" when he has no business being such a sweetheart. honourable mention: the beyond-precious proposal scene at the end.

Love is Complicated by @theesteemedladydebourgh - this fic feels like sitting in the most beautiful library in the world watching rain trail down the ornate, darkened windows—and then the hottest professor on earth walks up to you and snogs you without preamble. except it's made better by the fact that he is somehow both james potter and an indiana jones variant? listen. just read it. then squeal and kick your feet with me, okay?

Sunshine in my Eyes by monroeslittle - another fic i devoured on my kindle this year (but definitely not during standardised testing at school when i was supposed to be actively monitoring teenagers for academic integrity and technically signed an oath that i locked all my electronics in the closet). ahem. this is some of the most rewarding angst i have ever read, which is genuinely some of the highest praise i could ever bestow on someone. lily going to james for lessons on how to kiss and the entire scene that follows will follow me forever. they're so endearing and sweet and did not deserve all they went through. but. angst with a happy ending xx

[fanfoolishness]

Going for the whole list. Trying to make the most of my time before I head back to work!

48 fics. Holy cow! Then again, I love writing things in the 1000 - 5000 word range, which makes this sort of nonsense possible.

Something new... I can't say that there's much I did that's utterly new. I really stuck within my wheelhouse of angst, hurt/comfort, family feels and Dragon Age romance. I've also been at this ficcing thing for nearly 25 years, so it's getting a little hard to be entirely new with what I write. Unless you mean new things like new characters, which I certainly did, with dives on all the Batch and then exploring things like Lucanis and Spite's dynamic.

The Bad Batch has inspired the most work of the year, between awesome challenges like @summer-of-bad-batch and friends encouraging me. But, I know that Dragon Age is going to be a powerful engine for my creativity for the next several years if the previous games are anything to go off of, thanks to the magic of replayability and making new characters.

I wrote mainly for Jedi: Survivor, The Bad Batch, and Dragon Age: The Veilguard with a little dabbling in The Mandalorian.

Harding x Rook, though I was so dazzled by getting through the game I didn't get as deep in my feels as I might have. I might replay some parts of my first Rook just for that. Lucanis x Rook has really stolen my heart though. I'm nothing if not a sucker for a tortured man, especially one where the romance ends hopefully!

Cal Kestis, Crosshair, Omega, Tech, both of my Rooks, Lace Harding, Lucanis, really the Veilguard in general.

Yep! The Bad Batch was totally new, and we didn't get the Veilguard until Halloween.

Most meaningful fic for me to write.... a rain that sounds like home tackles sibling grief, recovery, and learning to accept help through a character who struggles with admitting he feels anything at all. Dragging Crosshair through his feelings for 8 chapters was a painful and meaningful joy.

Loved working on the waves flowing, the dawn blooming. Tears kept seeping out of my eyes as I wrote. It's full of a bittersweet pride and fierce family love that Hunter feels for Omega, with a side look at a Crosshair who's fully at peace.

What fic was most satisfying to finish: a sickness of the soul. 10 chapters when I don't often do chaptered fic (usually one every few years, but this year I had two!!), deep conversations between Cal and Merrin, Weird Force Shit, and a deep look at Cal's fears and hatreds. This was really fun even when it was difficult, and I still love rereading it.

a rain that sounds like home, hands down. I stewed over it for weeks, maybe months, before I got enough down to start to feel confident posting it. It was so hard to avoid the temptation to have Crosshair be a mess right away, when he's THE MOST emotionally unavailable character in the history of ever, and while I wanted my big messy breakdown I forced myself to take 30K to get there. Many things to @just-here-with-my-thoughts who listened to me beating my head against the wall on this.

the thing with feathers (it isn't hope.) was surprisingly fun and easy and I banged it out in a morning with very little editing needed. Spite and Lucanis figuring each other out with a healthy side of whump makes me happy.

Longest: a rain that sounds like home at 43,000 words. Shortest: Spite's Sight, where Spite sees something wrong with Rook but can't describe it, 119 words, almost a true drabble.

Oooh, fav writing songs. Twice by Little Dragon is a hypnotic, spare little piano song that helps me get into a groove easily; Tell My Lover by Kathryn Joseph is another deeply moody piano song that winds up on almost all of my shipping playlists when I need an angsty vibe. Barnacled Warship by Johnny Flynn was one I really loved for chipped Crosshair vibes. I loved Cinder Well's Two Heads, Grey Mare for Cal's grief when writing a sickness of the soul.

Hardest fic to title: the shorter they are, often the tougher they are to pull out a phrase for the title. Little drabbles often just get one or two interesting words to name them.

Oooooh, fav title. a sickness of the soul grabbed me immediately as Merrin's diagnosis for Cal's dark side leanings; but I think I just adore the take on Emily Dickinson's poem with the thing with feathers (it isn't hope). For a single word title, I really liked Senescence as a rather medical word applied to the Batch entering their twilight years, a callback to the Kaminoans' presence in their lives from birth until death.

Favorite opening line?? oh man. I'm really not that great at opener lines, they're not my favorite. My very first Bad Batch fic, Still, had a decent one: It’s a feeling every soldier knows instinctively: the unique prickle of the hairs on the back of the neck, the slight stiffening of the spine, the body’s realization coming a split second before the mind’s. 

Favorite closing line is going to be much more difficult. I love closers. But upon review this year, I didn't have any that really bowled me over! I do like this one from ill-fitted, about Crosshair in The Solitary Clone: The shadows pool around him, and he waits to go and keep the peace.

Favorite piece of dialogue: I really liked this open moment from Hunter, set during Breaching the Wall when Crosshair isn't sure if he can recover. "Crosshair, you’re the most stubborn bastard I’ve ever met.”  Hunter’s voice was warm, affectionate.  “If you decide to get better, you will.  I know it.  You just… you have to decide you deserve it.”

Funniest line might be this exchange between Tech and Phee in A New Fascination:

“We still need to get you back in one piece.  I have a feeling your family would have strong words for me if I left you here for the birds.” “The gulls would not be interested in me unless I had already died,” Tech pointed out.  “I am far too large to register as a prey item for this species.”

21. What surprised me while working on a story? I was quite surprised to go on a tangent in a rain that sounds like home and introduce Crosshair to a bunch of elderly characters on Pabu. Crosshair, darling of the elderly. It didn't change the whole story, but proved a great way to show him starting to weave himself into daily life on Pabu and start to form his own connections with the community separate from his relationships with his siblings.

22. Ugh, Google Docs because I can write from my big heavy gaming laptop at home or from my iPad Pro at a coffee shop. I know they're evil, yes, I know.

23. Finishing TWO chaptered fics with concepts that were difficult to wrangle, where both fics stymied me at multiple times, where both challenged me and I challenged them right back.

24. How do I celebrate finishing fics? Often by scampering off to my husband to chatter at him about how excited I was to finish it.

25. Go back to the source material, especially for Dragon Age. Going to dive right back in after this most likely.

26. Go check out my art blog at @doodlingfoolishness :-D All my art goes there. I also customized two droids and a puffer pig this year as part of my general Star Wars fandom, haha, and worked on multiple Batuu bounds/cosplay ideas.

27. Just Summer of Bad Batch and the upcoming Changed zine with a focus on Tech and Crosshair!

28. I would thank @stardustandash for hanging out in multiple fandoms with me, @mordororbust for patiently listening to me freak out even when we haven't had fandoms in common for years, @red-velvet-panda and @azertyrobaz for just being generally awesome (even if I got some very stupid Crosshair related nicknames on Discord from them), and @rederiswrites for being an awesome writer and also for sharing my love for Lucanis x Rook/cheering my writing on in general.

29. I wrote nearly 172,000 words this year!!!! Could I write 3000 more tonight to get to 175K??? Doubtful but I'm still extremely proud of this, it was my best year ever!

30. So. Much. Dragon Age. And we're heading back to the Severed Floor soon... there's going to be an awful lot to explore!

A slightly revised version of last year's questions! Two ways to play: Reblog and have your followers send you numbers, or answer the whole list!

How many fics have you worked on since January?

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

What ships captured your heart?

What characters captured your heart?

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

What were your go-to writing songs?

What was the hardest fic to title?

What's your favorite title of the year?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share your funniest line

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

What would you like to write next year?

[loucifersbitch]

First lines of 2025

i was tagged by @bidisasterevankinard and @hyperfocusthusly who plan to try to write every day of 2025, and i'm going to try to join them! idk if i'll make it happen every day, but i'm certainly going to attempt! anyway, here is some of the scene i've been working on today (for Obsidian & Oxygen)

"As if I haven't been thinking about you since we left Obsidian on Monday," Evan scoffs. "I kinda can't stop thinking about you." The recently awoken possessive creature in Tommy's chest warms happily. If he were a cat, he'd be purring, which honestly makes him feel a little ridiculous. "I can't stop thinking about you either, Evan. You're the reason I haven't been able to concentrate. You've taken over my thoughts." "That sounds draining," Evan says with a small, self-deprecating laugh. Concern pools in Tommy's gut. He's never met a man so outwardly confident yet so unaware of his own significance. "Evan," he sighs, "one of these days, I'm going to show you just how important you are. And I'll keep going until you believe it. Until it takes." Evan is quiet for a beat, but then he asks, "Promise?" "Yeah, baby. I promise."

no pressure tagging @powersuitup @plotdevicetommy @carrythatwayt @lavenderleahy @dadbodbuck

@lemonzestywrites @leashybebes @louvemeanyway @louisferrignojr @cjlouwho

@beefcakekinard @beanarie @dark-alice-lilith @tommykinard217 @devirnis

@rosyhoneydew @rdng1230 @mmso-notlikethat @diazsdimples @louisjude

and anyone else who wants to use me as a tag <3

[jayparked]

heyy live ur writing style smmm😭

can we get 106 with Jay?🫶🏻

warnings: s2l, semi public sex in a closed restaurant, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex, slight dirty talk

"i'm not on the menu."

"w-what?" you stare at the diner owner with wide eyes. he's smiling while continuing to wipe down the counter you're sitting at.

"i gave you that menu ten minutes ago but you haven't looked away from me for a second. i'm starting to think i missed a spot shaving or something."

he's so nonchalant about what he's saying to you. as if his words didn't send chills down your spine or bring a bright flush to your cheeks.

"i-...i'm sorry, jay. i must have been zoning out..."

he flashes you a playful smirk, one that screams 'yeah, sure, whatever you say'. you're grateful he drops the subject, continuing to clean as the last few customers start to leave the diner before closing time.

"you know..." jay starts slowly, "you've been coming here every week for months..."

"...yeah?" you question cautiously, eyes peering over the menu to take in his casual stance: one elbow on the counter so his head can be pillowed by his palm, the other hand still holding the washcloth.

"why do you still ask for a menu? you and i both know you don't need it. i've got your weekly cravings down to a science now. "

you chuckle and set the menu down, opting to take a sip of water just after saying, "a science, huh?"

jay shrugs one shoulder, his gaze intensifying, "rainy days it's the soup of the day. when it's sunny you want the roast beef provolone sandwich with crinkle cut fries, a diet coke, and a pickle on the side. when you have a stressful day at school you want the pancakes with extra syrup. and when it's-"

"enough!" you hold up a hand and laugh. "i get it! i like my routine, i'm predictable, blah blah blah."

"not as predictable as i'd like you to be," jay deadpans in a husked tone. your thoughts mentally trip inside your brain and you gulp a little too loudly. seconds go by without either of you saying anything or looking away from one another. you know you should say something, anything at this point, but the words just won't come out.

"why do you still ask for a menu, y/n?"

your heart is pounding in your chest so hard it physically hurts. but now that the new year has started, you remember your goal: to be more bold, more brave, and to try not to shy away from what you want.

instead of taking the leap, you opt to answer his question...with a question.

"why do you let me order way past closing?"

jay nods his head, lips jutting out playfully, clearly not expecting the tables to turn on him so quickly.

"it's the only time you can come in. you're in lectures all day. and someone's gotta make sure you're eating after all that studying." jay gets himself upright, tossing the washcloth over his shoulder and giving you another smile before turning his back to you. he walks towards the soda machine, scooping a generous amount of ice into a glass and pressing his finger against the diet coke option.

"so you're saying...that i'm not like the other customers?" you try to come off as funny, playful, maybe even a little bit flirty, wiggling your eyebrow at his back for an extra quirky effect. but he doesn't laugh.

jay turns to you once the glass is full. slowly, he leans back down again, his face inching closer and closer to yours as he moves the glass towards you. his eye contact is hypnotizing; the way you can't break away no matter how badly you want to. you look up at him with curious, searching eyes, hoping to find any hint that what you're feeling for him isn't as crazy as you think it is.

"do you want to be like the other customers?" he murmurs so softly you almost don't hear it. he's close enough that you could reach out and touch him, close enough to pull him closer, just...close enough.

"no," you sigh dreamily, "i really don't."

finally, jay's eyes flick down towards your lips, his own lips parting slightly, a soft exhale escaping them.

his gaze meets yours again, something softer, pleading, now displayed in those deep brown eyes. "may i?"

"please," you whisper, your own eyes flicking to his lips now.

both of jay's hands come forward and softly cusp your cheeks, pulling you closer until your lips collide. after a few seconds, jay smiles widely, his teeth showing while his lips still hover over yours.

"say that again," jay murmurs, his eyes fluttering as they remain closed, thumbs brushing along your cheekbones.

you can't help but smile with him, your hands shaking as you reach out to grasp his wrists and squeezing them reassuringly. "please."

"mmm, fuck. that's gonna be a problem for me later," he groans, his words rushing out of his mouth because damn, he just needs to kiss you again.

and kiss you again he does. his lips now moving feverishly with yours. his hands wander away from your face until they're on your shoulders, moving down even more until he's grabbing you under your arms and pulling you onto the countertop. now, standing between your legs, he can finally kiss you properly. one hand is back on your cheek, warm and soft while the other grips your hip tightly, bracing himself with the contact. your own hands reach out to the back of his head, fingers tangling in his dark black hair. a particular overly excited tug has him moaning against your lips, making you inhale as the sound sends ripples of pleasure down your body. he continues to kiss you feverishly, the pace of the kisses quickening and suddenly your body is not satisfied with the amount of distance between you. you need him closer. the only thing you can think of is to wrap your legs around his waist, tightening your grip and pulling him into you even more.

after a few more moments of kissing pass, you're both forced to separate from one another to catch your breaths. he's looking at you with blown out pupils, panting with his now swollen lips parted slightly. he's beyond hungry for you, and you love the feeling of knowing you look exactly the same in his eyes.

"let's take it back to my place." he finally manages to get the words out.

"is this not technically your place?"

"you're right. god, you're so smart." with a mischievous grin jay grabs your body and lays you on the countertop, hastily throwing your legs over his shoulders and grabbing your ass and burying his face in your clothed cunt while you squeal with laughter. any innocent passerby could see what the two of you are up to. jay hadn't gotten to the part of his closing checklist that includes pulling the shades down on all the windows. hell, all the lights are even still on, making a lovely spotlight for the two of you amongst the dark city streets.

but you've dreamt of this moment for so long that you don't even care.

jay has your pants off seconds later, too impatient to continue to play around. he just needs to taste you after all those nights waking up in a cold sweat, cock twitching spurts of cum into his boxers after dreaming of what you would look like sitting on his face, riding his cock, or how you'd look under him as he pounded you senseless. and now, he doesn't have to imagine it anymore. groaning as he continues to ravage you, hands groping anywhere he can reach, his tongue flicking skillfully against your swollen clit.

"j-jay. oh my god!" you cry out, gripping the counter until your knuckles turn white, unprepared to come this quickly.

"my god, that's what you sound like screaming my name?" jay's standing now, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before moving to undo his belt. "so much better than i imagined. you're not going anywhere tonight. you're going to scream my name until you can't speak anymore. i want that throat raw in every way possible. but for now..." he groans as he pushes the tip of his cock into your hole, stretching you in new ways you haven't felt before. your body adapts to him quickly, though, as he begins to slowly thrust into you.

for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist

[mylovesstuffs]

OT13 reaction to someone flirting with their s/o at an award show

Request: I've never sent you a request before so I tried to follow your instructions properly hope this is ok 👀)

seventeen ‼️🫶🏼

Fluff? Angst? Up to you really

Reaction 🌝

hm so in favour of the award season that just past, the idea was how the sebongs would react with someone else flirting with you during awards night (in this case y/n / reader is also a idol/ artist attending and no one knows their together ygm)

like who would be protective and approach right away? Who would just watch giggle and chuckle? Who would try to be nonchalant but be so obvious that they're looking?

Can't wait to hear your thoughts ‼️ sending lots of love and a happy new year 🫶🏼🫶🏼

A/N: I love the prompt! Btw, it might seem like everyone's reacting the same way, but no, they aren't. They just have a common ground, which I think every man should have. Also, I realized halfway through that I should've categorized it, but I was too lazy to rewrite the whole thing again. This would've been a good one-shot sort of thing if I only focused on one member, but I don't think I would be able to write all 13 members with the same prompt. I guess I'll try something like this in the future

Seungcheol: Cheol would exude calm dominance. He'd sit there, pretending to be relaxed, but his eyes? It would be locked on the situation. Wdym he’d do nothing? Absolutely not. The second he notices someone getting too bold with you, he'd make his presence known—not through confrontation, but with subtle yet commanding gestures. He’d accidentally catch your gaze from across the room, his intense stare sending a clear message: You good, babe? Need me to step in? If the flirter doesn’t back off, expect him to walk over, throw a casual arm around your chair, and smile politely, but there’s a steeliness to his tone when he introduces himself. He’s a leader on and off the stage, and no one’s coming near his person.

Jeonghan: Oh, Jeonghan's the king of playing it cool. He wouldn’t move a muscle, letting out a little amused chuckle as he watches the scene unfold. But don’t let his easygoing demeanor fool you—he’s analyzing every single detail. He trusts you completely but also knows how charming he can be. If the flirting escalates, he’d casually saunter over, all smiles, and innocently join the conversation. His honeyed tone would have just enough of an edge to make the flirter retreat. You thought he wouldn’t step in? He’s Jeonghan, the ultimate strategist, and he’ll always protect his love while still being effortless.

Joshua: Joshua would play it cool too but in a way that’s so obvious it’s endearing. He’d smile politely from his table, but his grip on his drink might tighten ever so slightly. He’s a softie, but also your man. If the flirter gets too close, he might find an excuse to accidentally walk by, brushing your arm or whispering something sweet and cheeky like, “Having fun, babe?” He’d never confront anyone outright unless necessary—he’s too classy for that—but his subtle presence would make it clear to everyone in the room that you’re taken. You think he’s just sitting there? Nah, he’s staking his claim in the most elegant way possible.

Jun: Moon would find it hilarious. He’s such a chaotic cutie sometimes, I can’t. He’d nudge the member sitting next to him and point at the scene, whispering something like, “Look at that. They think they have a chance.” But deep down, there’s a flicker of possessiveness. If the flirter keeps pushing, he might get up and walk over casually, sliding into the conversation with a sly grin. His playful charm would leave the flirter flustered and unsure of what just happened. He’s protective in his own quirky way, and I’m crying because he’d never let you feel uncomfortable. I love my man so much TT

Hoshi: Hoshi would be a mix of soft and slightly chaotic, and I love him for it. At first, he’d probably pout from a distance, his face betraying his jealousy even though he’s trying to act unaffected. But let’s be real, he can’t keep it cool for long. The moment he thinks you’re even a little uncomfortable, he’d dart over, all bright smiles, and wrap an arm around you in a totally friendly gesture. He might say something teasing but with a hint of possessiveness. His protective tiger energy will activated.

Wonwoo: Angst King Supreme. He would keep it nonchalant on the surface, but inside? Oh, he’s feeling things. He trusts you completely and knows you can handle yourself, so he wouldn’t intervene unless absolutely necessary. However, his subtle reactions—like a clenched jaw or a quick glance at the flirter—would give him away. He wouldn’t confront the flirter right away, but he’d sit in silence, overthinking every little thing. “Should I have made it public?” He’d question himself, spiraling a little, even though he knows you love him. If things escalate, he might casually walk over, not saying much but standing close enough to make the other person feel the heat of his presence. You think he’s unbothered? He’s LITERALLY fuming inside but hiding it behind that cool exterior, and I’m scared —

Woozi: Woozi’s reaction would be so understated that you might not even notice it at first. He’d sit quietly, watching the interaction with a small, almost imperceptible frown. He’s reserved but fiercely protective. If he feels like the flirter is crossing a line, he’d lean over to a member and mutter something like, “Do I need to go over there?” And if he does approach? Oh, he’s not wasting time on pleasantries. His tone would be calm but firm, sending a clear message without ever raising his voice. He’s your man, and he’ll step up when it matters most.

Dokyeom: Dokyeom would be flustered at first, unsure whether to intervene or let you handle it. He’s such a sweetie. But the moment he sees you even slightly uncomfortable, he’s on his feet, heading over with his signature smile. He’d probably introduce himself in the friendliest way possible, but there’s an underlying protectiveness in his tone. His warmth would make the flirter back off without even realizing it. Wdym he’d stay seated? Nope, he’s too caring for that.

Mingyu: Mingyu would be the most obvious of the group, and it’s honestly adorable. This man wears his heart on his sleeve. He’d try to stay cool, but his constant glances and slightly furrowed brows would give him away. If the flirter gets too close, he’d have no choice but to step in. He’d walk over with that signature puppy smile, but there’s a possessiveness in his eyes that makes it clear who you belong to. This puppy is anything but subtle.

Minghao: The8 would radiate confidence. He trusts you and knows you can handle yourself, but that doesn’t mean he’s not paying attention. If someone gets too bold, he’d walk over, might place a light hand on your back or shoulder, a subtle but powerful gesture that says, ‘This is my person.’ He’s the type to protect you without making a scene, and we should be swooning because he’s so effortlessly cool about it.

Seungkwan: Seungkwan would be dramatic internally but composed externally. He’d whisper to the members, “Are they serious right now?” before shooting occasional side-eyes at the scene. If he feels like you’re uncomfortable, he’d march over, his protective instincts kicking in. He’s fiercely loyal and wouldn’t hesitate to let the flirter know they’re out of line—but in the most eloquent way possible.

Vernon: He would be unbothered on the surface, but internally? He’s watching everything. He trusts you completely and knows you can handle yourself, so he’d sit back and observe unless things got out of hand. If he does intervene, it would be in the chillest way possible—maybe a simple hand on your shoulder or a quick, “Hey, you good?” He’s just subtle about his protectiveness, and he's here for his low-key energy.

Dino: Dino would NOT be the least protective. He’d watch the interaction closely, his brows furrowed slightly. If the flirter gets too bold, he’d approach confidently, standing tall. He might not say much, but his presence alone would be enough to make the other person back off. He’s mature enough to stand up for his love.

[mychlapci]

I've been writing and rewriting this to not sound stupid and tbh I don't remember if I ever sent any of the draft versions of this idea so if I did ignore this my bad

On that one ask about grandpa Magnus pressuring Rodimus into getting plastic surgery, he loves making his grandson carry his huge babies but he isn't into how fat Rodimus gets when he carries. Rodimus can't help how much weight he puts on when he carries, the babies are just so big and they need so much energon to grow that he always feels hungry. After he pops his latest bitty out, Magnus either puts Rodimus on a strict diet or calls his surgeon friend to debulk Roddy's frame manually. He gets the extra mesh removed from his belly, a boob job to keep his pouches perky, and Magnus being the old pervert he is wants something to keep his grandson's aft nice and round. He treats Rodimus like a little doll he can put back to standard after he pumps babies in, and it gives Rodimus a terrible relationship with his frame.

Enter grandma Megatron. He wants his boys Sentinel and Optimus back home, but they don't wanna go with their mom without their baby Rodimus. That's all perfectly fine with Megatron, his sons and his grandson all coming back with him is better than what he asked for. The decepticons capture Rodimus on Cybertron while he's laid up recovering from a surgery he didn't really want and bring him straight to Megatron. He looks Rodimus up and down and tsks to himself. His poor grandbaby was so small, and Optimus said he was often a carrier on top of it. Megatron wanted to use all his boys for studs for a better generation of decepticons, but Rodimus was in no shape for any playtime. From then on, Rodimus would be put on a strict diet of Megatron's milk until he could keep some weight.

It made Rodimus feel bad at first, he was ashamed to be getting chubby again when he knew Megatron had expectations for him. When he tried to voice that though, Megatron just shushed him and made him take his huge nozzle into his intake. He pat Rodimus on the back while he made him drink and told him he looked so much better and healthier now compared to when they picked him up. He didn't need to feel bad being comfortable, grandma was gonna spoil him rotten unlike mean old Magnus. He eats much better after a little pep talk and he seems a little more comfortable with getting heavy again. Eventually he's all soft mesh curves and has to have some plating removed to let his fat frame move easier. He's nice and big, and strong on top of it. He's in great shape to step up and try to give Megatron great grandchildren now that he's feeling better, Magnus doesn't even know what he's missing out on -🌱

nothing has ever made me hate Ultra Magnus more. he literally doesn't know what he has. a perfect grandson who could be all nice and chubby with baby weight if only that old pervert wasn't a shallow dickhead.

it's okay, grandma can turn his boy into a big strong stud.

[chronicowboy]

tagged by @butchdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz and @try-set-me-on-fire <3 to do a 2024 fic roundup so here goes! 11 fics and 55k words. this is what final year of uni does to a motherfucker. anyway.

APRIL (huh i wonder what happened in april that reignited my fic writing)

shoot another shot (try to stop the feeling)

And—oh. This is why Buck hasn't been able to think about Eddie too closely since Tommy kissed him in the kitchen. This is why Buck had felt that the moments before the kiss were so familiar to him he could have recreated them by instinct alone. This is why Buck has felt like a perpetual outsider in Eddie's life since he realised his bisexuality—because he'd put himself on the outside. For this exact reason. Utterly petrified of Eddie's eyes dropping to his lips, of leaning closer.

"Eddie," Buck pleads, voice no more than a breath. "Please don't make the same mistakes I did."

guilty feet have no rhythm

They're in the bathroom again. Eddie has lost count of how many times they've ventured to the toilets tonight. All that alcohol, wreaking havoc on bladders and hand-eye coordination and stomachs. This time, Buck's sleeve has been soaked through by tequila, and Eddie hadn't really had an excuse to follow him in here except the thought of peeling himself from Buck's side had sent a wave of wrong through him so powerful he'd thought he was about to throw up the steak dinner they'd sat down for before karaoke.

every part of you (simple as that)

"Nice try, kid," Buck says, ignoring the sudden twist to Eddie's features. "But, uh, n-no. No dancing bribes here. Just..." He swallows thickly. "I just wanted to talk to you about something actually." A quick glance at Eddie then, just to check this is okay, and Buck regrets it immediately when Eddie aims a watery smile at him along with a nod that bolsters Buck just enough to have the bad butterflies in his stomach falling away. Christopher is looking up at him expectantly when he finds the courage to look back. "I, um, well, recently, you know, I've been... I've realised some things and I, you know, wanted to—" Buck cuts himself off with a sigh and drags a hand down his face.

JUNE

a thousand missed chances left on your doorstep

"I know it's selfish, and I don't deserve it—don't deserve you—because I have been a coward at every turn." Eddie runs rough and frantic hands through his hair once, twice, drags them down his face, bunches them into fists at his sides, continues pacing. "But I'm not missing another chance, Buck. Not with you. I refuse to. I've missed too many already, always asking for a little more damn time even though I know that's a luxury I've never been granted before. By anyone but you. You have always given me more than enough." Here, Eddie's voice splits in two, a catastrophically quiet sound that reminds Buck of the little crackle of a fire before it bursts or the crack of a ceiling before it comes tumbling down.

NOVEMBER

i could take you (to have and to hold)

But Buck wasn't a religion to Eddie. Religion was too trivial a thing. All giving. Giving and giving and giving. And God taking and taking and taking. But Buck only ever took what Eddie gave him freely. Most of the time, Buck was giving and giving and giving right back. Eddie didn't need to go somewhere specific to seek out Buck's presence. He found him everywhere. In everything. The way you were supposed to find God in everything. But more often than not, Eddie looked and only ever found an absence. And then that absence was filled with a warmth that could have made even those most atheistic man believe.

worship like a dog (at the shrine of your life)

The apse. Semicircle of sanctuary. Altar embraced in its soft curves. Holiest of holy places. Eddie's kitchen. Holier than the holiest of holy places. The kitchen table a confessional booth to admit to things you can't even admit to yourself. Penance never comes. Forgiveness isn't necessary. The man of cloth, Henley buttons for a dog collar, offers you words of wisdom, safety, reassurance from the altar of the kitchen island. He rips out his own heart in the shadows and hands it over to you, says I hope you can find something in its pages. The kitchen sink a font, dispersing soap bubbles skating across tepid grey dishwater, this is holy water. This is the stuff people die for.

DECEMBER

nursing our wounds

"You two are gold. Your chemistry is crazy. Two of the interns are already giggling about the nurse one nurse two fanfic they're going to be reading when this episode comes out." Casey decides it'd probably be kinder to all of them to pretend she can't see the matching shade of fuchsia they've both turned. "So, this is the start of a gunman in a hospital storyline. Brad's going to save the day fresh off his coma obviously. But there's this scene where one of his firefighters gets shot on their way to visit him, and we need two nurses to tend to him in a hospital storage room."

the door swings open (and you're standing there)

"Tell Chris I say hi," Buck says. An out. Always, always an out. And then, he'd left, and Buck had had to hide behind Tommy instead. But eventually he'd left too, and Buck. Well, Buck had ruined everything. This, however, works exactly as he'd planned. Soothes Eddie's hackles right down and draws out that shaky little smile of his. "Tell him—" The words choke themselves off in Buck's throat. "Tell him I love him." And his voice comes out wrong. Wobbly and weak when this should be the easiest thing in the world to say. "Tell him I miss him, and I love him more than he'll ever know. Tell him like that."

(we tried) we said we'd keep in touch

Buck doesn't run away. Not exactly. That wouldn't make sense for someone who's been five seconds from sprinting all the way to Texas for exactly this at any give moment. But suddenly Eddie and Chris are right there in front of him, his lungs inflating in his chest again—inflating, inflating, inflating—and it's just a little too much. His lungs have grown since he last had them, and he's too scared to lock them back in his ribcage for fear that they'll just find another way to escape. So, he slips into his—Eddie's bedroom, drops the bag to the floor, braces his hands on the dresser, ducks his head and tries to catch his breath.

i can't see you (the light is in my face)

In love with Buck? He's straight. And Buck is bisexual, and it didn't change a thing between them. Like he'd be in love with Buck and not know. Loving Buck is intrinsic. One of the best parts of him. He's pretty certain he'd recognise a change. Would feel it like the earth shifting beneath his feet surely. But Buck is just his best friend. The Best Friend. Eddie misses him more than he can breathe sometimes, but that doesn't mean anything. Eddie is straight. He's straight. And Buck thinks of him like a brother really. And Eddie loves him, but not like that. Eddie doesn't get to love people like that. Eddie's love ruins people like that. So, Eddie can't love Buck. Even if he did, which he doesn't, he can't. Because Buck wants love and marriage and kids and sex. And Eddie ruins people and drives them to divorce and is a terrible father and is straight.

just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has read/commented/liked/reblogged any one of my fics and has been patient with my very erratic posting schedule. i am soso grateful for all of you.

and to my lovely, incredibly talented mutuals who have somehow seen fit to grace me with their friendship. thank you. i love you all so much and admire the hell out of each and every one of you. hope 2025 treats you all as well as you deserve <33

just gonna shove my taglist down here:

@danielsousa @jjudaslips @outdiaz @poughkeepsies @team-118 @that-sounds-mighty-oof-to-me @ambitiousbutrubbish @iamaniamscat @freetreasures @inell @chaoticlava101 @dangerpronebuddie @jacobglaser @doggirlbuck @rainbow-nerdss @faggotjonesss @unsteadylilactree @4thbrighteststar @laurenttheninth @missing-tony @666thtoolofhell @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @tizniz @maraskywalkers @swiftiesisters14 @yramesoruniverse

[eerna]

tlt is so bizarre because it's the only series i'd rate 10/10 for all 3 books but completely understand why someone would do 0/10 for all 3 too.

"characters are ass and unlikable" no they're very thought out and charm is subjective but admittedly gideon's first line of dialogue pops straight out of fanfic. "world-building is ass" no it's very intricate and says a lot of this resultant society but admittedly it's bizarre we have interplanetary travel but terrible means of informational exchange. "themes are ass" no there are many themes at play and some play across all 3 books but also you're gonna have to get there to understand why it's so important that the dramatis personae refers to the seventh house as the eternal rose. "tonal whiplash is off-putting" it's mental warfare, actually, but i can't blame you there. "meme humor is redundant, forced and unfunny" somehow, somehow, it's internally coherent with the world-building and the only characters who utilize it align with this, but also it was certainly a Choice to incorporate them into the writing. "these books aren't remotely lgbt" it's a very specific brainwave of lgbt and if it does not register for you it probably never will and it is not remotely your fault.

dear god these books are so hard to recommend i've been trying for a year and only hooked 1 ;-;

YEAH YEAH YEAH IT IS SO CORRECT..... It is my fav book series. HtN is my fav book. But that's because it works for ME. Because Tazmuir is laser beaming this story STRAIGHT into my MIND. I can rationally say that I usually hate memes in books, love stories that lead nowhere, characters created to suffer, and whiplash. But those rules don't apply to these books because I get them too well and all of it makes so much sense to me. Those who get it, get it. Those who don't, don't. Nothing has ever reminded me just how subjective literature is as trying to recommend someone these books. Stay strong, if you keep trying to get people around you into them, someone insane enough will be caught and you will be vindicated

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Post-Script

After two months of so, my little writing experiment At Sea Without a Map has come to an end. And because I'm vain, I not only felt compelled to share it, but to talk about it in depth after the fact, so here we are. This is going to be long, though, so I'm not only going to break it into sections, but put it all under the cut for the sake of your dashboard. So go ahead and dive into the depths of the Sea of Monsters with me one more time!

Part 1: Never Stop Blowing Up

The writing process of Wizard School Mysteries Book 3 was really strained - not because of the book itself, mind you. When I was actually able to work on it, Book 3 came together really well - I think it required the least substantial rewrites of any my novels thus far. It's just that real life was kind of beating the shit out of me while I was trying to get it done - or maybe the better metaphor was that it was just slowly but steadily draining me of energy all the time. I'm honestly surprised I got the book out in roughly the same amount of time as the first two - by the way life had been treating me, it should have taken longer.

But when I got done with it I was accutely aware of how tired I was. I still had the creative drive, but fuck I needed something simple as a palette cleanser - something easy, and more importantly, something that was allowed to be bad. I needed something creative to do that was surplus to requirements and fully within its rights to suck ass so long as I had fun making it.

Around this time, I decided to rewatch Dimension 20's Never Stop Blowing Up. Brief explanation of what that is: Dimension 20 is an actual play show, i.e. a recording of people playing D&D and other TTRPGs. I'd say its reputation is built on the contrast of its main DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who makes these meticulously crafted campaign plans, and his chaotic band of improv comedian players who promptly derail those plans spectacularly. Like, a good deal of the show's humor comes from Emily Ashford or Ally Beardsly doing something so off-the-wall that it shatters whatever the scene was going to be and creates a far more absurd and zany spectacle in its place. Which is why Never Stop Blowing Up is pretty notable, because it's the one campaign where Brennan himself is the agent of chaos, fully unleashing his own brand of madness that the players struggle to keep up with. And fuck does he seem to have fun with it.

Of course, all of the analysis above is purely from the outside looking in - it's likely that a lot of the "chaos" is played up for the audience. But still... there is something to the idea of a person who's been working on meticulously structured stories letting loose and just doing something extremely stupid.

So I decided to give myself a Never Stop Blowing Up moment - a short story that would be simple by design, with no standards to live up to or goal beyond "have fun telling a silly little story." I then came up with a few key criteria:

It can't be set in the Midgaheim/ATOM universe. I don't want the burden of figuring out where this story would fit among others.

It's gotta be a romance. People who've read my books might have picked up on the fact that I like to write about people falling in love, for the same reason I like to write about fire-breathing reptiles and friendly monsters (i.e. I use writing to indulge in things I'll never experience in real life). I've only used romance as subplots in my fiction before, and tend to feel a bit guilty if I focus on it too long - like I'm being self indulgent. Well, this is all about self indulgence, so the romance should be front and center.

It's gotta be SIMPLE, episodic even. Not complex plotting required.

I almost chose my xenomorph romance for this, but I had developed its outline to the point where it would be too complex to fit. I then considered a sort of superhero story that could be pitched as "what if Bringing Up Baby but Katherine Hepburn's character is a Harley Quinn-esque supervillain and Cary Grant's character gets turned into some sort of horrifying genetic mutant in the first ten minutes." That one hit a weird roadblock when I got to the character brainstorming phase (the first phase of any writing project I do) - I was trying to figure out what the mad scientist who turns out Cary Grant-figure into a mutant would be named, came up with the name "Dr. Skullfuck," immediately realized that having a character named "Dr. Skullfuck" is a Mark Millar-ass writing move that I could not allow myself to do, but then couldn't stop thinking of the name "Dr. Skullfuck" and giggling, which just brought all thinking to a grinding halt on that project.

(I'll still probably do it someday, though - just, you know, without Dr. Skullfuck)

Inspiration struck again, though. I'd been getting into Epic: The Musical, a musical retelling of The Odyssey, and it put me in the mood for a sea monster story. But, more than that, it got me thinking about one particular archetype from sea monster stories - but that brings us to the next part of this Post Script...

Part 2: It Was Always About Calibani

Ok, so, one of the big changes Epic: The Musical made involved Odysseus's encounter with the sirens, and before you read more of my rambling, I'd like you to watch two animatics for the two songs in question here:

A summary: one of the sirens takes the form of Odysseus's wife to try and tempt him into getting in the water, Odysseus tricks her into giving him directions, captures her and the rest of her kind, and proceeds to have his men slaughter them horribly. In the OG story the sirens don't die - nor does their song involve imitating a man's wife, for that matter, it's just a really pretty song.

This is done for an important narrative purpose - Epic: The Musical is focused on analyzing the moral ambiguity of Odysseus, and how it is constantly challenged by the impossible choices he is forced to make in his attempt to get home. At this point in the musical, Odysseus has decided to stop trying to be a compassionate man, shirking all mercy in favor of utter ruthless pursuit of his goals. These two songs are meant to be unsettling as hell - this is the beginning of a series of heartless choices by both Odysseus and his men that will culminate in the mutiny and complete annihilation of Odysseus's crew, as well as Odysseus himself being so hopelessly stranded that nothing short of divine intervention will save him.

I bring this up because when I first heard these two songs - specifically while watching these two animatics - it, like... it devastated me. I was so horrified and sad, so shaken by it. And part of it was for the reasons outlined above, but admittedly that wasn't the gut reaction I had. No, my immediate reaction was, and I quoute my own broken brain verbatim here: "You can't kill the sirens! They're not for killing, they're for loving!"

...now, those of you who know me are probably not surprised by this very stupid sentiment coming from me. One of my more popular posts is just me talking about how down bad I would be for various folkloric monsters whose whole shtick is "looks like a pretty lady but Watch Out." But as a person filled with immense self loathing and doubt, my brain immediately looked at that very stupid sentiment I expressed and said, "Wait, no, that's fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. The sirens are remorseless murderers. These sirens in particular preyed upon a man's love for his wife, who he has not seen in twelve years, to convince him to let them kill him. They are, by all standards of morality, Very Fucking Evil, and if they were not women you would not feel bad about them getting killed."

And as my brain argued with itself over this topic, I got to thinking about the various monstrous/othered sea women of The Odyssey - not just the sirens, but the witch Circe, the nymph Calypso, the monsters Scylla and Charybdis. And I thought about the others of their kind in other myths and folktales - selkies, mermaids, etc.

There's an archetype of sea monster that focuses entirely on one specific anxiety sailors are prone to, namely the fact that (for a good deal of human history) being on a boat meant spending a lot of time away from women. The horror of this monster is how it uses that desire for female company to tempt people into danger - like a mirage, it leads you to expose yourself to danger in pursuit of an illusory comfort.

But, unlike real world mirages, these monstrous sea women DO exist in their stories. More than that, they're often, like, sad and lonely. Their narrative purpose is just to be a temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that they do have lives of their own in these worlds. And, softie that I am, I can't help feeling sad for them, especially the ones who actually seem to want the same companionship the sailors they tempt want. Sailors don't stay with their Circes, they don't marry their Calypsos. The sirens live on a barren rock, alone, Scylla is left to wallow in misery at her monstrous form, and the selkie always has to leave for fear of being trapped by a person who won't love her on her terms.

I realized I had my hook for this simple, easy, silly little sea monster romance story: I was going to give a sea woman the happy ending she'd never get from anyone else.

Sailor may be the protagonist, but make no mistake: At Sea Without a Map was always, always, ALWAYS about Calibani.

The goal with Calibani was simple: I was going to set up a fairly standard Monstrous Sea Woman, but where other stories would let her be in one episode of the travel narrative and move on, this one would stick around. She'd be an unambiguous predator of human beings - an open and admitted maneater - but she would have no true malice to her. She, like all predators, eats what she can get to survive, and it just so happens that she's adapted to eat humans. And the story would pose the same question to the reader that my brain posed to me during Different Beast: is there any way you could make a siren-style sea monster sympathetic? Can you make a normal person who doesn't have my particular brain rot look at a maneating siren and think, "You're not supposed to kill her, you're supposed to love her!"

One of the few unavoidable plot points of At Sea Without a Map was that Calibani and Sailor's relationship would become romantic. What kind of romance it was could have varied substantially - it could have been one-sided, it could have been toxic, it could have been far more tragic OR far more comedic. But it was always, always going to be a romance of some sort - the goal of this experiment was to make you, the reader, love Calibani. All else was icing on the cake.

I decided to base Calibani's personality on Miranda from The Tempest - i.e. a sweet girl who is both wordly and naive, who understands the strange setting of our "lost at sea" story far better than the audience viewpoint character does, but views the mundane world of the audience viewpoint character with wonder and naiveté. In fact I almost named her Miranda outright... except I already had a character in the setting I chose for this story who had that name, and as an allusion to the same Shakespearean character no less. So I settled on naming her after Miranda's adoptive sibling (of sorts), Caliban - more fitting in some ways, as Caliban is a fish-human hybrid who is arguable more native to the magic island in The Tempest than Miranda herself.

(Calibani isn't the only Tempest name homage, either - her mother, Sycorax, takes her name directly from Caliban's unseen but oft-spoken of witch mother. Dr. Antonia Warefore takes her first name from Antonio, one of the human villains in The Tempest who hopes to use being lost at sea as a way to perform a coup. And the mothman Iriel takes her name from Ariel, the wind spirit in The Tempest who aids the wizard Prospero in controlling the magic island. If Sailor has a "real" name, it's probably either Ferdinand or Miranda, the two lovers who manage to blend civilization and the wilderness together with their romance.)

Visually, I wanted Calibani to not be any common archetype of sea monster woman, but rather something that evokes the popular images while still being her own thing. She's not a mermaid or a siren or a selkie - she's basically "what if a sea serpent was also a girl." In-universe, she's chubby because she, like all marine megafauna, needs blubber to survive. Out-of-universe, she's chubby because I've found that routinely drawing cute chubby girls is good for my mental health.

Part 3: CYOA

Now, while we live in a post-Muncher society where shame and cringe are emotions only the cowardly should experience, I am nonetheless Very Catholic about expressing my own feelings of, like, liking girls and shit. I cannot help feeling guilty when publicly expressing adoration of women without, like, an excuse - it's gotta be a joke or something, you know? I can't be genuine about it, or else Jesus will beat me with a cane for disrespecting women with my lecherous gaze.

But luckily I've cultivated a loyal audience of fellow monsterfuckers, which meant I had an excuse lined up: if I made this a choose your own adventure type deal, a story with audience participation, then you all would be my accomplices. And Jesus can't cane all of us! He doesn't have enough hands! I found a loophole bigger than his stigmata!

Plus I love collaborative story-telling - there's a thrill in not having total control of where the narrative is going. As Brennan Lee Mulligan must know, there's a joy in having to deal with the chaos thrown your way by letting others grab the figurative ball, even if just for a moment.

Part 4: Offbeat Melody

Since I did not want to set this story in Midgaheim, I decided to steer myself away from a vaguely medieval setting altogether. But I also didn't want to limit myself with the need for "realism" that putting it in a normal sea would require, and making a new setting whole cloth would start pushing this project into "not easy" territory.

Luckily, I had a setting lying around that I hadn't played with in a while, which just so happened to have a location that was PERFECT for the sort of Never Stop Blowing Up style madness I was aiming for. For a few years I ran a Monster of the Week TTRPG campaign called Offbeat Melody, and one of its core setting elements was taking the goblin universe hypothesis in paranormal science (yeah it's a real hypothesis) to an illogical extreme. We had specifically seen glimpses of the Sea of Monsters in Offbeat Melody, i.e. the parallel universe where monsters like Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, and the like all hail from. Well, why not have a whole story set there? It's literally a universe devoted solely to creating sea monsters - what better place to strand our modern Odysseus?

Offbeat Melody was always sort of a Never Stop Blowing Up project, or at least NSBU adjacent. Some of my most unhinged story-telling moments are in that campaign - you could make a supercut of just the "commercial breaks" in the various sessions and it'd basically be an I Think You Should Leave episode. Taking one obscure corner of its multiversal world and exploring it in detail was perfect for this project.

Part 5: Monster by Monster

With our main romance as sorted out as could be for a CYOA story, it was time to figure out the "episodes" of this sea voyage. I settled on there being ten to roughly align with The Odyssey - just in terms of number, mind you, not in a one-to-one comparison. The first was, obviously, Calibani herself, which left nine more slots for me to fill with monsters. Let's go through them together in brief:

Tree Storks - any lost at sea story eventually has to get its protagonist into an island at some point, but this immediately begs the question, "Why don't they just stay on the island where it's safe?" The answer to that question has to be, "it's not safe there, actually." The Odyssey does this quickly and cleverly with a one two punch: the first island seems safe until you realize the food on it brainwashes you into forgetting everything except your desire to eat it, and the second island is full of delicious sheep but also giants who will eat you just as easily as they eat the sheep. When other islands show up in the story later, you immediately regard them with suspicion, because you don't know HOW they're going to be fucked up, but they definitely will be. My goal with the second episode was to establish the same sort of danger - that land is NOT safe, that islands WILL be fucked up and dangerous in ways you might not expect.

I also wanted to establish that this is not just a sea of monsters, but a very WEIRD sea of WEIRD monsters. It couldn't be any old monster on this island - it had to be one that was unique, unexpected, and maybe just a bit silly while still being menacing.

I've always felt that there's a lot of un-mined horror potential in storks, cranes, and herons - any bird with a long neck and spear-like beak it uses to stab smaller creatures from above. Just imagine yourself in a frog's place in the world - tiny, going about your business, when suddenly something shoots down at you from above and impales you before you even feel the shadow fall over your face. Or perhaps you did see the shadow - some of these birds spread their wings to create shade specifically to attract fish, and then spear the poor little bastards.

Well, what do people often look to islands for when out at sea? Shade - the shade of a palm tree. And palm fronds kinda resemble feathers, don't they? Wouldn't it be both ludicrous and terrifying is there was a stork big enough to mimic a palm tree - and wouldn't that be a DEVIOUS trap for a sun-drenched sailor to fall for? So the Tree Storks were born.

The Globster - I made a list of sea monster archetypes in the early planning for this project, and one I wanted to include was a kraken, i.e. some sort of tentacled sea beast. But I didn't want to do JUST a big squid or octopus, or even a riff on them. I wanted to take the idea of "big sea monster with lots of tentacles" into a stranger direction.

Since the Sea of Monsters is explicitly the home universe of lake and sea monster cryptids, I thought it might be fun if ASWaM's kraken equivalent was a globster - just a big ball of rotten meat. I love drawing monstrous faces, so I decided it'd just be, like, MADE of hideous rotten faces, all melting and congealing together, with its tentacles doubling as the tongues of its many mouths. A perfectly wretched image that, like the Tree Storks, would do well to establish how Fucked things could get in this setting. Plus similar monsters had appeared in Offbeat Melody, which would make for a fun sense of familiarity for the, like, five or so readers of mine who had listened to that campaign before.

Captain Peter & the Dolphin - Another thing I did in the early planning stages of this project was make a list of the different sea voyage stories I know and love, the most contentious of which is The Life of Pi. That's a story that I love on a literal level but kind of hate on a figurative level - its whole theme/message is that doubt is the worst thing you can have, that if you don't commit to believing something with zealous conviction you are a coward. As a person who thinks doubt is valid, that "I don't know" is sometimes the ONLY truly valid answer to a question, I have issues with that message.

But I can't help loving the beautifully ludicrous idea of a non-anthropomorphic tiger sailing the ocean on a big Odyssey of its own. Like, if that story didn't actively hate me for being agnostic, it would be one of my favorites.

So I decided to, you know, just steal the idea of a tiger Odysseus. The tiger in The Life of Pi is named Richard Parker. Richard Parker also happens to be the name of Peter Parker's dad. Hence we get Captain Peter - the figurative son of Richard Parker, if you will. And to ratchet up the absurdity of a tiger Odysseus, I made him a pirate and the sole sailor of his voyage. Somehow, this tiger has manned a boat on his own.

Captain Peter was intended to be the hero of another story - a sign for the readers that it IS possible for a stranded person (or, in this case, tiger) to survive out here. To that end, he had to rescue our heroes from another threat, but not one that would be interesting enough to take the focus off of the tiger pirate. Originally I planned for that threat to just be a big shark, but I ended up liking my shark design too much to put it in a role that small, so I quickly designed a nasty dolphin for the role instead. I think that worked out well, honestly.

Dr. Neptune - Episodes 5 and 6 were the mid-point of this journey, so I wanted the two monsters of those to escalate things significantly. I figured episode 5 was probably a good place to FINALLY give some meaningful exposition on what was going on, and there are a lot of stories about mad scientists doing weird shit on islands in my big list of sea voyage stories I love. So we get Dr. Neptune, a classical brain-in-a-jar mad scientist who's affable enough to give more-or-less accurate exposition but loony enough to be a problem. This also felt like a good spot to remind the reader that Calibani is not just a girl with a tail but rather a Sea Monster herself, and one that we'd been making stronger by allying with.

With his human-but-not-quite nature and cyclops eye, Dr. Neptune could sort of be seen as the Polyphemus of this story, couldn't he?

The Crocodisle - One of the sea monster archetypes on my list was "the island that's actually a sleeping monster," of which there are many in mythology and folklore. My favorite is the Jasconius from the voyage of St. Brendan, mainly because it's more or less benign and actually comes back to help St. Brendan and his crew at the end of the story. I always love when I can find an old story with a friendly monster in it.

When thinking of my own spin on the island monster concept, I remembered the only Magic the Gathering card I had as a kid, which I still have and love to this day: The Sandbar Crocodile. This card already inspired Crocogon's color scheme in The Atomic time of Monsters, but I felt I could go to that well again one more time, and so made a crocodile that wasn't just a sandbar, but a whole damn island to itself. And, like Jasconius, it turns out he's pretty chill.

I did not think of the pun name "Crocodisle" until I was actually writing the chapter in question.

The Femdom Mermaids - These three were a late addition to the roster. When I had Calibani bring up mermaids early in the story, I realized as soon as I wrote her rant about them that we'd HAVE to meet some later on in the story.

The readers had significantly shaped Calibani and Sailor's romance by this point, and I decided that it could be useful to have a chapter that was devoted to showing definitively how these two were good for each other. I thought the mermaids could provide a good contrast: have them act out a seemingly more benign take on the monstrous sea women trope (they abduct our hero to protect and care for them!) only for it to quickly feel MORE deranged than Calibani's comparatively simple desire just to eat him.

The spirit of Calibani's rant about mermaids was taken from weird* girls I knew in high school complaining about cheerleaders, so I wanted the mermaids to look like the sea monster equivalent of popular kids to Calibani's chubby weird girl. Two of them got the names of famous beauties - Helyne = Helen of Troy, Clio = Cleopatra.

(*when I say "weird" I mean it in a complimentary and affectionate sense)

Bob, meanwhile, kinda... rebelled, I guess? Before I had names for them, I listed "bob" by her as just, like, a descriptor for her hair cut, but then I liked it as her name, and once she was named Bob she became more than just a mean popular girl. She was a weirdo too, the little punching bag of the two mean popular girls who did their dirty work and smiled through their abuse because hey, at least they included her. It gave the trio an easily defined dynamic, helped make two of the three more visibly nasty, and gave us comic relief in an arc that could very well have gotten too uncomfortable otherwise.

And I guess it worked - readers REALLY loved Bob, and were very vocal about it, and I realized mid-arc that I had accidentally made her too likable to just leave in this arc. So Bob got to be rescued from her awful friend group thanks to readers like YOU.

Lord Ironteeth - yeah, this was the shark that was too cool to be a minor threat. When I drew his noggin, I realized he would need a chapter of his own, one with gravitas. I decided he'd specifically be the threshold guardian -once we beat him, we'd know for sure how to get home, even if there were a few more threats in store.

Spindle Inc and Sycorax - when I was a kid I used to have this recurring nightmare about being on some sort of underwater sea station that had this huge sea serpent trapped inside it. I'd look at the sea serpent from a window within the station and see it coiling in its tank, only for it to look at me with fury. In that glance I would suddenly realize two things with absolute clarity: first, it was going to break free and kill everyone, and second, we deserved that destruction for what we had done to it. The terror of the dream was less that the sea serpent was going to break free, and more the guilt of knowing that all the mayhem that was about to unfold was our fault to begin with.

I thought that would be fun to homage with the penultimate chapter of this story. OBVIOUSLY the sea serpent was Calibani's mom, obviously the trauma of its capture was why Calibani grew into a predator that specializes in hunting humans, obviously we would have to free the sea serpent despite that running counter to Sailor's goal of getting home. Easy, easy, easy plot point to include.

Spindle, Inc. is the primary antagonistic force in Offbeat Melody, so they easily slotted into the role of the arrogant humans who captured this monster for nefarious and selfish motives. They could tie a lot of other plot threads together too - Dr. Neptune was a scientist who worked for them as a contractor only to get screwed over (i.e. they stranded him in the Sea of Monsters, expecting him to die, and then used his research to make their own base of operations in it), we'd learn of him through a spindle briefcase left behind by some unfortunate rogue agent who got eaten by the Globster while he was trying to escape, hell they could even be one of the possible origins of Sailor themself (more on that later). Very useful villains, Spindle.

The Abyssal Mother - I knew the last sea monster would need a lot of punch to it. I briefly considered just a big whale - the Moby Dick to Spindle's corporate Ahab - but it felt underwhelming after all that came before. So I went for arguably the most dramatic possible sea monster, a full on Cthulhu-style elder god. If you're a frequent follower of this blog, you might know I have particularly high standards for Eldritch Abominations, so I realized this was going to be a pretty big challenge for me to live up to, and decided to keep the cthulhu in question reserved to the last few entries as a result - the less it appears, the less it has to live up to.

I realized I had a good angle when my experiments with the Cthulhu "squid for a head" concept ended up having a face framed in shadow - you know, the same visual that our protagonist has in most appearances. That provided some very juicy parallels between the two that made this final monster feel particularly noteworthy to me, ones that I'll leave you to ponder, since they tie into...

Part 6: Themes

I did not set out to have a theme in this story. I just wanted to make a sailor and a sea monster kiss. That was my only goal.

But I really don't begin with theme in ANY of my writing. I figure out topics I want to address, but for all my novels I feel like the themes didn't start coming together until about halfway through the first draft, when enough of the elements of the story had been set down and interacted with each other enough for me to realize what I was saying with them. A huge part of my second and third drafts for my novels have focused on making the themes of my stories more concrete and unified.

Well, ASWaM is very much a first draft of a story, but it's a simple enough story that I think the theme found itself pretty well despite lacking subsequent drafts to refine it.

ASWaM is about doubt and direction. It's about being adrift in a world that is in many ways hostile by nature, about not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be or even WHO you're supposed to be, and about setting off aimlessly in the hope that maybe you'll find your way to that mythical land of "what my life is supposed to be."

When I began the story, Sailor had amnesia and wore clothes that obscured their identity as a way to make it easier for anyone to step into Sailor's role. Sailor had to feel like You, the Reader, and so we don't know their name, their gender, their eye color, their hair color, even their skin color (note that their hands are always wearing gloves, and their face is always in shadow).

But it also meant Sailor is, well, undefined, at least at the start of the story. Sailor doesn't know who they are, what they are, how they came to be. Sailor feels distinctly that they should be Something Else, should be Somewhere Else, should be Someone Else, should not be who/what/where they are. Sailor is plagued by doubt, by a need to go in a different direction, by a need to be other than they are.

This initially contrasts with Calibani, who begins the story very confident that she is doing exactly what she was designed to be doing and acting exactly like she should be. As they interact, they begin to shift each other in opposite directions - Calibani questions her existence and nature, sometimes to a self destructive degree, and Sailor begins to find something about who and where they are that they like. They find a healthy middle ground together - doubtful enough to want to be better people, but with love for themselves that allows them to not feel the need to up-heave their lives entirely.

I knew at the start that I would build an expectation for there to be some answer to the question of who Sailor is and where they came from, because those are the questions that begin the whole narrative. I brainstormed a number of answers to those questions, but once I got a few chapters into writing the story and saw this theme of doubt developing, I realized I couldn't answer them. From a thematic standpoint, the doubt HAD to remain. So I gave hints to possible answers, bits of evidence to support the possibility of them being true, but never planted a smoking gun that answered it for sure.

Sailor can't know the answer because NONE of us know the answer. Outside of blind Life of Pi style faith, you cannot know for sure that you are living the life you're supposed to live. All you can do is figure out whether you're happy with the life you've got, or if you need a change. Sailor will never know who they are supposed to be, but they did learn who they are, and they love that person now.

For those curious, the possible Sailor origins are:

Occam's Razor: they're exactly what Dr. Neptune theorized, i.e. a human who got stranded in the Bermuda Triangle (or the Devil's Triangle or any other number of paranormal triangles) and fell into the Sea of Monsters. The trauma of that experience gave them amnesia. It's just brain damage and bad luck.

A Spindle Experiment: Dr. Warefore mentions that Spindle has been trying to find a way to make a human who can evolve like the denizens of the Sea of Monsters. Sailor may well be an attempt to do just that, perhaps one they wrote off as a failure and abandoned (they do that a lot)

A Deep One: Sailor is the offspring of one of the denizens of the Sea of Monsters (most likely the Abyssal Mother herself) who has somehow been tricked into believing they are human, to the point where they seem to be human to everyone else, even other monsters. Maybe a human summoned a sea monster to breed with on earth, and Sailor ended up being subconsciously drawn back to the Sea by their blood. Maybe Sailor never actually lived on earth at all, but was only made to THINK they had as part of the transformation into a human.

The Platonic Ideal of a Sailor: the Sea of Monsters is full of archetypal concepts, and arguably a sailor trying to find their way home is just as archetypal as any sea serpent, mermaid, or kraken. Our only proof that humans aren't native to the Sea of Monsters is Dr. Neptune, and he's not as reliable an expert as he claims to be.

This theme of doubt and direction also made the compass more important to the narrative than a simply mechanic for audience participation - a compass, after all, gives direction, and the feeling that Sailor is not where they're supposed to be, that they need to head in a different direction, is ultimately the catalyst of the plot. The compass is, in many ways, the antagonist of the story - the force that keeps Sailor from accepting themself. I realized this a little after I started making the different directions have personalities - initially they just represented broad concepts (North = follow conventional wisdom ala the North Star, South = preserve your short-term self interest at all costs, East = act with curiosity and be willing to take calculated risks, and West = throw caution to the wind and do anything that seems novel and exciting), but over time they became little characters themselves.

Since it was our thematic antagonist, I decided to pepper in some ideas about what the compass might be in-universe - and, in a move that would no doubt frustrate the compass, we also don't know for sure which of those is "correct." Is the compass a poltergeist, some amalgamation of dead sailors who try to steer other lost souls home? Is it a malign entity that leeches off of those desperate enough to seek its aid, living through them while pretending to aid them? Is it a device Spindle made to lure sailors to their clutches, OR to guide their experiments in human/monster hybrids? Was it a cursed item that forced a sea monster to assume a human shape? Who can say - the compass sure can't, it can only tell you a direction to go in.

Part 7: Q&A

Since this was an interactive story, I felt it was only fitting to add one last interactive element to this post-script write up, and some of your happily obliged me by sending in questions.

When I noticed how fast readers were falling for Calibani, I figured there was a good chance we'd end up staying in the Sea of Monsters. By chapter 7, I figured it was more or less a given, and by the end of the Lord Ironteeth encounter I was almost 100% sure Sailor would remain at sea. There was always a chance, though - while a look at the polls shows that the audience got more and more on the same page towards the end, there were always dissenting voices, and the desire to get an answer to the question of Who Sailor Was remained strong, as a number of people kept trying to find angles where they could get that AND stay with Calibani.

I was surprised early on by how easily the audience fell in love with Calibani, to the point where I made a few posts commenting on it. I mean, I shouldn't have been - as I said earlier, I have cultivated an audience of fellow monsterfuckers on here, and I know at least a few of them saw my bait and knew they could get me to be freaky in a way we found mutually agreeable (thank you all again for helping me escape being caned by Jesus for being horny).

Like, we REPEATEDLY ignored developing the plot in the Tree Storks chapter for several days just to spend more time with Calibani - something that I enjoyed immensely (this whole thing was an excuse for me to write and draw a cute chubby sea monster girl as much as possible aftter all) but also knew as a storyteller was not what most would consider a good story call. I like how it turned out, but it defied conventional narrative wisdom, you know? I was surprised.

On the other side of the coin, I was also surprised by how the audience NEVER chose an option that was humorously disastrous. I gave plenty of them, and, like, generally in collaborative storytelling there will be at least one moment where your collaborators decide to do the really, REALLY stupid thing that makes everything spiral out of control really quickly. I figured at least once the audience would choose the troll response, but no, you guys worked hard to keep Sailor and Calibani alive. You refused to let them hurt each other, refused to let them throw themselves into danger, refused to imperil them for your own chuckles. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I say "you refused" but to be fair it's not like NO ONE voted for the troll options - they generally got a handful of votes, just one that was beaten by a landslide of more reasonable options. Hopefully those of you who voted for the troll options enjoyed Bob throwing you a bone by disintegrating Dr. Warefore - that was my consolation prize to you.

Yes. I knew at the beginning that there would be two endings for this story: either Sailor leaves the Sea and goes home, or Sailor stays there forever. Or, you know, Sailor dies as a result of you guys choosing several stupid options in a row, but as stated above you guys avoided those scenarios pretty decisively.

Had Sailor gone home, the following would have occurred: first, they would forget everything that happened in the Sea of Monsters. Second, they would wake up in a hospital, having been found in the Atlantic Ocean by a human-recovery charity run by... oh, isn't that funny, some tech company named Spindle Inc! Spindle would foot the medical bills and even offer Sailor a job, but Sailor would decline because even now they're still not sure what Spindle even does. Sailor would go back to their life and find it familiar and utterly mundane, but not particularly happy. Their father died when they were 18, their mother was never in the picture, they have no siblings. They worked an office job and were sort of a nonentity - that position has long since been filled, but Sailor gets a new job and lives out much the same life: simple, mundane, dreary. Every now and then they get a pang of desire to leave, to go to sea, but they push it out of mind. They never even see the ocean again as long as they live.

Sailor would have gotten the normal life they thought they were supposed to have, the normal memories and name and identity, the mundane life of a normal person. And they just had to trade everything they found in the Sea of Monsters to get it. A question is answered, a direction is followed, but is it the right answer, the right direction?

Well, I think doubt would have remained.

I had a very vague idea for there to be some sort of man-eating giant in, like, a crystal castle. He got cut to make way for the mermaids.

I wanted to fit in a big whale and a giant crustacean, but there wasn't room or an interesting angle for me to want to make room for them. Saved for a possible sequel, I suppose.

I also wanted to have a scene with, like, DOZENS of sea monsters, including some of the ones from Offbeat Melody, but the goal of "this should be EASY you dumbass" made me kill that idea pretty quick.

Thank you!

The primary inspirations were:

The Odyssey and Epic: the Musical

The voyage of St. Brendan

The many "weird shit happens on an island" movies in Toho's filmography, i.e. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Son of Godzilla, Yog Monster of the Deep, Matango, etc.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

The Boy and the Heron

Ponyo (specifically Ponyo's parents - I wanted Sailor to have the same desperate energy as that wizard who fucks the giant sea goddess)

The Life of Pi

Slay the Princess (perhaps most obvious in the use of second person narration, multiple voices in the protagonist's head, and falling in love with a creature that has tried to kill you at least once)

I'm going to use this to springboard to a related point in a second, but first a genuine yet humorous answer: Yes, absolutely yes, I am enough of a big romantic sap that I would give everything about my life away to be with a person who loves me and explore a world of monsters in a heartbeat. Hell, I would have jumped in the water the minute Calibani asked and died with her fangs in my neck and a smile on my face. I am dumb this way. Do not follow my example.

On that related point, though... Most stories like this, I daresay ALL stories like this that I know of, end with the hero abandoning the fantasy world in favor of reality, never to return. And that seems like the proper choice and lesson on the surface - we don't want to tell audiences to give up their real life in favor of a fantasy, after all. That's encouraging escapism, and that's not healthy!

But, like... textually speaking, the fantastical world IS real to the characters in these stories. And it's often not really an escape - was Sailor's life devoid of conflict and suffering in the Sea of Monsters? Fuck no! It's just that they figured out how to deal with that conflict and suffering - they built skills and a support system, they adapted, they learned how to overcome what was there.

I think it can be argued that sometimes the return to a "normal" world is, in itself, an escape - the idea that your life can spiral into chaos but that's ok, you can just reset everything and go back to The Way It Was and Should Be is just as unrealistic and unhealthy an idea as You Should Escape to A Better World. Sometimes your plans for your life fall apart, sometimes you're thrown into a place you never intended to go, sometimes you have to learn skills you never anticipated needing and ally with people you never thought you'd befriend to deal with problems you never dreamed you'd have to overcome. And sometimes it's ok to look at your derailed life, your Not Where You Should Be life, and say, "Well, I've learned how to live here... maybe I can stay."

Especially if there's a cute chubby sea monster girl who loves you.

Bob was never supposed to appear past chapter 7, but about halfway through that chapter I realized the audience and I myself would be heartbroken if we didn't rescue her. Definitely for the best - she provided some well-needed comic relief in the final chapters.

This is gonna sound snarky, but, yeah - there were 58 choices with four options a piece, and we only chose one of the four. While some of the options would have similar results, almost none would have had identical outcomes. And some would have been VERY different.

Like, to go back to the beginning: when Calibani attacked, we could either throw a net on her, harpoon her, try to drive around her, or hide below deck. We picked the net, but for the other three options:

Harpooning would result in us hitting her in the thigh, causing her enough pain that she collapses on our deck and we, horrified at the violence we committed, just sort of push on. Calibani would be wounded for at least the next chapter, perhaps longer, and significantly weaker (and probably harboring a great deal of hidden resentment while also being genuinely scared of Sailor). She would be vulnerable during the stork attack, forcing Sailor to take a more active role in that chapter.

Trying to steer around her would result in us essentially fighting her with our boat, resulting in the boat capsizing and Calibani getting tangled up in it. We'd wake up alone on Stork Island and have to travel in search of our boat, alone and vulnerable among man-eating trees. We'd run into Calibani again, also beached and in trouble, end up recruiting her to help us get our boat out of the sand.

Hiding below deck would end in a sea storm that leaves us inside our boat as it's beached on Stork Island. We'd fend off the storks alone, and run into Calibani once we get our boat out to sea, as she got away more or less unscathed.

All of these would have majorly changed the trajectory of our relationship with Calibani and our identity as Sailor, despite seeming to have the same component parts on the surface. Now account for how similarly slight changes in the other options could have gone, and we could have had a very different story indeed.

Part 8: Our Girl

I just think she's neat!

[yanderes-galore]

Hi, do you think you could write a concept for Legoshi fighting Riz for a reader that's a carnivore? Let's say that reader is a member of the drama club and is a friend to both Legoshi and Riz, but they don't know the truth about Tem's murder. Legoshi wants to protect his darling from Riz while the bear wants to, i don't know, do the same thing he did to Tem in name of their "friendship"? The thing that i like the most about your versus concepts are the multiple endings. If it's not a problem, could you add one for Legoshi and one for Riz?

Ooo! A multiple endings fic :) Been a while since I've done that, so let me try it out ^^ I never got past season 2, so Legoshi's ending is HC.

Yandere! Legoshi vs Riz

(Carnivore! Darling)

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Overprotective behavior, Delusional behavior, Violence, Blood, Murder, Consumption of another person, Kidnapping, Gore, Forced/Dubious companionship/relationship.

One thing I like about this request is the fact that you are a carnivore.

It puts you on somewhat equal footing with the other two.

Although, these two have eaten meat, while you most likely haven't.

You have met these two at the drama club when school was just starting for the year.

While you are aware of Tem's death, you aren't actively looking into it.

You just know a rogue carnivore snapped and mauled Tem, as a result it's been rather difficult to communicate with the herbivores in your class at times.

Which, ironically, makes you more drawn to Legoshi and Riz.

Legoshi is definitely the one protective of you while Riz... well, Riz is complicated.

Riz claims he's protective of you and wants to make sure you aren't hurt, but in reality he's just possessive.

Riz is possessive and delusional to the point of harming and eating those he cares about.

I feel the obsession for both of them is subtle for the events of season 1, then escalate around season 2.

This would be because Riz doesn't feel threatened until Legoshi goes looking into Tem's murder.

Legoshi was already close to you beforehand.

You often tried to help him through his troubles, even when he tried to hide them.

You care about him and were genuinely worried when he attacked the Shishigumi to save a rabbit.

You've always been supportive, plus maybe the Shishigumi incident increases his protective behavior.

Sure, you're a carnivore, but it still gives him the fear that someone will harm you.

Carnivores aren't invincible, after all.

You could still be attacked by a much bigger carnivore.

Which, when he's tasked with investigating Tem's murder...

He gets worried and says the carnivore may be big enough to hurt you.

Funnily enough, he isn't wrong...

Said carnivore is even friends with you.

You and Riz often aid each other in the drama club.

To you he's a relatively kind bear.

He's friendly and gets along with you despite his large size.

The only time you can sense any issues with him is during season 2 since Legoshi is putting pressure on him.

After all, Legoshi could take you from him.

I'm assuming you have an established bond with the two.

You meet them often in the drama club and occasionally outside of class too.

During season 2, Legoshi gets more protective and suspicious.

Meanwhile Riz is occasionally... on edge.

It's all strange yet you think you understand.

Tem's murder was never solved... so maybe that's why?

Legoshi already knows you aren't capable of the murder.

Which is why he's so focused on protecting you, he's worried.

Especially since you're so oblivious... which is even worse if he has a feeling Riz is the problem.

Riz, on the other hand, may distract you and act oblivious to the murder.

You're scared? No need to worry...

Riz will protect you, you're companions, aren't you?

In reality, Riz is planning ways to keep you to himself.

If you get too scared, he could lose you.

Even worse, Legoshi could make you distrust Riz...

That can't happen, can it?

I feel the dynamic is obvious.

As Legoshi investigates Tem's murder, the two get closer to you.

If you're keen enough, you may notice Riz's strange behavior and go to Legoshi.

But if you're still oblivious, then Riz has the advantage.

You'll notice their odd behavior.

After all, Legoshi never lets you out of his sight.

He's always sniffing you and checking you over, claiming he's... concerned.

When you ask why, he seems hesitant to explain yet does express that he's worried about Tem's killer.

He just doesn't tell you he suspects Riz.

Then maybe Riz notices Legoshi making you cautious.

Throughout the investigation Riz can tell that you and Legoshi are getting closer.

Who knows... maybe he'll try to make you suspect Legoshi...

He clearly knows something you don't, right?

Yet Riz would never lie to you...

You're pals! If anything, he just wants to be closer to you.

Don't you want to be closer too?

Legoshi the entire rivalry would be trying to keep you away from Riz.

The moment he knows it's him... He's trying to find ways to confront the situation.

Yet, he also doesn't want to tell you.

If he does, Riz might hurt you.

Legoshi can no doubt tell Riz's infatuation over you.

The bear watches your every move like a hungry predator and Legoshi fears for your safety like he does everyone else.

Legoshi stalks you because he feels he needs to keep his eyes on you.

If he looks away... you may fall prey to Riz.

Legoshi isn't very confident in your abilities when it comes to fighting.

Bears are naturally strong and Legoshi's trained.

You, on the other hand, haven't even tasted meat.

Legoshi feels bad for stalking you... but it becomes less about learning things from you and more trying to protect you.

He sticks beside you, invites you to hang out...

Even during your club he stays beside you like a guard dog.

Legoshi is training to protect those he loves, especially you.

He doesn't like the depraved gaze Riz gives you when he looks at you.

Over time, Legoshi goes through rigorous training with Gohin to be able to confront Tem's killer.

However, such training ends up making him tired more easily.

This no doubt stresses him out because he's worried to take his eyes off you.

He knows that you should be fine...

But he keeps having nightmares of you being hurt.

Meanwhile, Riz is on edge since he notices Legoshi's behavior.

He also knows Legoshi's has his... taste.

While Legoshi is off training and struggling to rest, Riz tries to make you trust him more.

He invites you out and makes comments on Legoshi's behavior.

Isn't it strange?

You try to explain that he's just trying to find the killer of his friend... but Riz doesn't seem to take it too well.

He claims you and Legoshi are just being paranoid... the cops should get the carnivore who did it.

You have nothing to worry about....

Legoshi can't protect you in his tired state, right?

So... let Riz take care of things...

He'll make sure you're safe.

I feel instead of Pina being kidnapped, it would be you.

Once Legoshi knows it's Riz, Riz snaps.

He fears that Legoshi will take his new best pal.

This leads to the much stronger bear kidnapping you.

You're placed in the dump by Riz, who promises to come back later once he takes care of Legoshi.

You struggle in your bonds, but it appears Riz thought things through.

You're a carnivore... which means you need stronger bonds... like chains.

The final battle would determine which ending occurs, just as you wanted.

Legoshi Ending

Legoshi's ending is the closest to canon.

This is when during the final battle, Legoshi manages to have Louis help him by allowing him to eat his leg.

This gives Legoshi the strength he needs to defeat Riz.

Their fight is brutal too.

You can hear their grunting and growling, along with blood hitting the ground.

There's moments you can even see from where you are.

Since they're fighting for you too, I imagine Riz has a hard time backing down.

He knows what he had with Tem was delusional...

Yet he feels he needs you.

This results in the bear fighting more intensely.

Unfortunately for Riz... Legoshi manages to knock him down in the end.

Both carnivores are arrested and treated, along with you being taken in for questioning.

However, both you and Legoshi are released.

Legoshi by this point in the story leaves school, he may even suggest taking you with him so he can protect you.

Even if you don't, Legoshi still often visits you outside of school.

While Riz is dealt with, he still fears leaving you alone.

It can be because he's a protective friend... or he loves you romantically.

His feelings are rather neutral and don't change too much in his intentions.

One thing I can imagine him doing is getting a place to live and asking you to live with him.

You're both carnivores... should be fine to be roommates, right?

In this ending, Legoshi becomes an overprotective roommate.

He's not too possessive... just overly worried as he knows he almost lost you.

Yet, now that you're roommates, you'll be safe with him...

He'll make sure he's always around to protect you...

Even if it means following you around like a guard dog... even while you're unaware.

Riz Ending

Riz's ending is the more... gorey ending.

This is also, obviously, the bad ending.

This is the ending where Legoshi loses.

Maybe Louis wasn't here to help him, for one reason or another.

That or Riz, due to feeling more motivated to get rid of the wolf, manages to overpower him even with Louis' help.

You're praying Legoshi will win.

After all, now you know he killed Tem.

He killed and ate Tem in the name of friendship.

What does that mean for you?

We already know Riz is delusional.

At first it was meant to cope with the fact he snapped and ate Tem due to coming off his medication.

Yet when he meets you, such delusions make him believe he should eat you too.

After all, Legoshi wants to take you from him.

Well, if Riz can't have you...

No one can.

The fight would continue as normal...

But Riz manages to take down Legoshi.

Maybe he kills him, maybe he doesn't.

Either way, Riz flees to the dump where he keeps you.

By the time you see your captor again, his clothes are mauled... and his fur is covered in blood.

Poor you doesn't have much of a chance against him.

The chains make it hard to fight back.

Riz tries to reassure you, telling you he's just making sure you stay together.

After all... This way you two can be close... forever.

No one will take you from him this way.

He tries to make it quick... yet your struggling makes it difficult.

... by the end of it, Riz feels your taste fill his mouth.

Your blood dribbles down his maw, flesh sticking to his fur.

Originally, he would've felt bad.

After all, he isn't sure if this was the right thing to do...

Yet, soon, he tells himself this is what you wanted.

He convinces himself, just like with Tem, that this was the best way to make you his.

Will he still be arrested? No doubt...

But he accepts such a fate... the deed is done...

Now Riz can have you all to himself, with no one to take you from him...

Forever.

[honestlydarkprincess]

2024 Fic Roundup!

tagged by the lovely @eddiebabygirldiaz, @exhuastedpigeon, @devirnis to do this fic roundup for 2024!

i posted 40 works this year apparently...like damn, that's way more than i thought! it was a pretty decent writing year, especially in June idk what was in the water but i wrote over 40k which is a lot for me! anyway, enough of me yapping and let's get to the roundup

whatever shall we do (buddie, 911)

send a flare up in the dark (and i'll come find you) (buddie, lutalia, 911)

we made it (knew that we would be alright) (buckley siblings fluff, 911)

a matching pair (we go together) (firefam fluff, background buddie, 911)

slowly getting sober from the taste of your skin (buddie, 911)

chafe the skin (you know i like it rough) (buddie, 911)

if i died last night (it would haunt me forever) (buddie, 911)

smile at me like you smile at him (buddie, 911)

soothe the ache in me (buddie, 911)

oh, bi the way (buckley siblings fluff, 911)

whenever you're ready (buck n bobby fluff, 911)

welcome to the club (buck n hen fluff, 911)

of want and need (buddie, 911)

settle (buck n chimney fluff, 911)

so let the words slip out of your mouth (buck n eddie fluff, 911)

you gotta be kitten me (bucktommy, 911)

and it was purrfect (bucktommy, 911)

until you're feline better (bucktommy, 911)

a gift i've never gotten before (bucktommy, 911)

think pawsitive (bucktommy, 911)

i only want you (bellarke, the 100)

you chase away the pain (morgwen, merlin)

don't let go (buddie, 911)

that should have been plan A (hangster, top gun maverick)

can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shootin' stars (buddie, 911)

i can't imagine a world without you (so please don't leave me) (buddie, 911)

we'll try and we'll succeed (buck n chris fluff, background buddie, 911)

maybe i do (payneland, dead boy detectives)

'cause it's real (payneland, dead boy detectives)

about damn time (payneland, dead boy detectives)

prolonging the inevitable (payneland, dead boy detectives)

you don't stop loving someone just 'cause it's over (bellarke, the 100)

sharp enough to kill a man (jennifer/needy, jennifer's body)

she's mine (jennifer/needy, jennifer's body)

feel me in your dreams (jennifer/needy, jennifer's body)

'cause baby you make it all fade away (buddie, 911)

picking up the pieces (bellarke, linctavia, the 100)

making it up to you with one kiss at a time (bellarke, the 100)

anything you want (bellarke, the 100)

prize (bellarke, the 100)

phew that was a lot okay now for tags: @bigfootsmom, @usersiren, @holdmygum, @darrys-laundry, @lonelychicago

@giddyupbuck, @monsterrae1, @father-salmon, @underwaterninja13, @maygrantgf

@beyourownanchor6, @thiamsxbitch, @fruchtfliege, @mmoosen, @ksbbb

@hemlocksandfoxgloves, @duchessonfire, @ryisbread, @jdeanmorgan

[selineram3421]

📹

You're Off-key

Part 5

Part 4

Reader X Gravity Falls

Warning ⚠

⚠ everyone is aged up, Italics= thoughts, food mention-breakfast food and spaghetti, weapons, blood mention, interrogation-polygraph test ⚠

"I wouldn't have a serious conversation before breakfast but this is a topic that must be discussed.", Ford says as you and Dipper follow behind him to the kitchen.

You were freaking out, pulling out a chair to sit down at the table and then getting a breakfast plate.

At the moment it felt like the walls were closing in on you. The room was shrinking, the light over the kitchen table started to make the room feel more like an interrogation room. Maybe it was because you were freaking out but Stan began to stare at you down, as if you robbed him of all of his money.

"It seems that our guest here has had a run in with Bill.", the older nerd twin says. "We need to check the statue in the woods and make sure to set up barriers around the shack."

What do I do? WHAT DO I DO!? You try to pick up a utensil but with your hand shaking so much, you end up dropping it.

All the talking around you sounds muddled, like its underwater.

"You ok?", Mabel asks and places a hand on your shoulder.

"To be honest? No.", you laugh and rub your hand over your face, only to clutch the side of your head. "I've been trying to keep it together this whole time but I have no idea what to do. Ever since getting here, I've been worrying about my best friend."

Dipper gets into your view. "Your best friend?"

You sigh and rest your hands on the table.

"I'll tell you guys everything that happened.", you frown as you glare down at the yellow table top. "And where I actually come from."

The room was quiet for a few seconds.

"Is it bad that I'm excited for their story time?", Mabel suddenly whispers to her brother.

"Mabel! Now is not the time!", he whisper shouts.

You laugh at that and feel yourself calm down a little. Steeling up your nerves, you turn to look at the older set of twins.

"Brass knuckles and some kind of ray gun, on the table.", you say with a stern face. "I'm not asking again."

The two look at you in surprise, a little unsure as they place the weapons on the table. "How did you know we had these on our person?", Ford asks as he lets go of the ray gun.

"The way I know Mabel has a grappling hook.", you say and point to the said twin. "She'll at least apologize to me before shooting at my head.", you shrug.

"Are you psychic?", she asks with sparkling eyes.

"No, I'm not.", you wave off that idea. "Golf club.", you point at Dipper.

The said twin slowly lowers the golf club and it clatters onto the floor.

"But it would be really cool if I was. You know how many lotteries I could win? There was one time that I almost won the lotto with just guessing.", you say.

Stan sits a little closer at that. "Go on.."

"We're getting off topic.", Ford says and crosses his arms. "Tell us everything."

"Right.", you sit up a bit straighter and clasp your hands together. "What do you all know about the multiverse or different dimensions?"

You can see the two nerdy twins get interested.

"I've traveled multiple dimensions.", Ford says.

"How many more are there?", Dipper asks you and pulls out his personal journal, clicking a pen.

"A bunch.", is all you say on that. "The one I come from is..more secluded. I'm able to see into worlds of different dimensions but can't interact with them. It's kind of like watching t.v. in a way.", you explain.

Dipper is writing away in his journal and nodding along.

"Your universe is a cartoon show. It came out around 2012 and well, I watched how the twins spent their summer in Gravity Falls."

"WHAT!?", Mabel screeches and slams her hands on the kitchen table. "You saw everything!?"

"NO! No.", you wave your hands. "Though I did want to see that race with the space lizard, the one in the snow I think.", you look up in thought before looking back to the family. "Still really curious about that one."

"Why keep quiet about it? Why not tell us?", Dipper suddenly asks.

You raise an eye brow with a "really?' face.

"Imagine if I walked in here, bloody faced and all, suddenly treating everyone like best friends and talking about Bill?", you say and point at all of them. "You'd for sure hit me over the head first and ask questions later."

"What do you think is stopping us right now?", Stan leans over to say.

"Nothing.", you respond. "I'm here with a mild concussion, hoping you guys don't harm me, and honestly wanting to finish breakfast.", you gesture to the plates of food on the table. "I'll let you know everything that you ask for, and.."

You sigh and look down at the table again.

"Tell you about my dream last night."

"Dream? What happened?", Ford asks. "Did Bill visit you?"

Before you could respond, Mabel puts a fork in your hand.

"Let's eat, yeah?", she smiles. "I'm in the mood for pancakes."

⯅

You're hooked up to a lie detector machine on the game table, curtsy of the two older twins, and Dipper holds the camcorder.

It kinda felt like it was too much, but with the triangle being Ford's evil crazy ex, you could understand why they would go to such lengths. Mabel even took out the tape recorder and pressed the record button.

"Today is June-", the twin in the cassette sweater starts with a chipper voice. "As you know, we got a new friend we met in the woods but turns out they have some secrets and they decided to share with the whole family today!", she then goes on about what happened earlier.

"Mabel, we need to record them talking. Not you.", her twin says.

"Oh, right.", she says and puts the recorder on the table.

Dipper starts recording and asks you basic interrogation questions. Like your name, birthday, and today's date.

"I have agreed to do this for the safety of myself and well..everyone here.", you say. "Ahem.", you clear your throat. "I'm from a different dimension and Gravity Falls is a cartoon show back in my universe. The show ended a while ago but recently the fandom has been active due to a book put out by the creator called: The Book of Bill."

"Didn't we lock that up?", Mabel asks.

"I was one of many who got the book and read through its pages. After reading it and checking out the website, my best friend and I set out on a road trip that inspired the show. We went to multiple tourist locations and to the original "Mystery Shack" areas.", you said. "Of course, there's Confusion Hill and The Oregon Vortex, not entirely sure which one is the original, original. Ya know?", you shrug. "The last location was to Bill's statue."

"Bill's statue is in your universe?", Dipper asks.

"Oh, yeah. A bunch of fans went to find it once the creator showed a picture of it on the internet.", you explained. "It's in California now.", then you continued. "Anyway, I bought spaghetti before we stopped at the statue because I read somewhere in the book that it was a way to summon Bill, I did it as a joke."

"Was the spaghetti good?", Mabel asks.

"We are talking to someone from a different dimension, and you ask if the spaghetti was good?", Dipper says.

"What? I'm curious!", his twin defends herself.

"The spaghetti was really good.", you confirm. "I set up the spaghetti like the book instructed and my best friend tried to take a picture of me shaking hands with Bill and well..the crazy triangle showed up and said he had been waiting for an eternity to meet me.", you gesture to everything. "Then after he dropped me into a hole, I ended up here in Gravity Falls, with a concussion."

"How long were you in the woods for?", Ford asks, reading the scribbles on the paper from the lie detector.

"I'm honestly not sure?", you confess. "I kept waking up and passing out. I think I showed up around noon or a little after. And then I think one of the twins bumped into me and I passed out again."

"That's true. It was Dipper's fault.", Mabel says.

"I wasn't looking where I was going, ok!?", he defends.

"No hard feelings.", you say. "I was too zoned out to pay attention to what was in front of me."

"How do we know that you're not working with the triangle right now?", Stan asks.

"Oh, good question.", you say. "Last night I had a dream in my mind space and Bill showed up asking how you, the Pines family, were doing.", you say and try to remember everything in the dream. "He tried to make a deal with me, I laughed in his face and told him no, then he got mad at me cuz I said..something."

The family glanced at each other before looking back at you to continue.

"And then he tried to tear me apart but I woke up before he could.", you finished. "The end."

"Wow, that was interesting.", Mabel says and stops the tape recorder.

"Were they telling the truth Ford?", Stan asks.

The two nerdy twins look over the polygraph test.

Being somewhat of a nerd yourself, you look at the papers as well. "Sometimes these tests can be wrong since it mostly measures heart rate, blood pressure, and other little stuff.", you explain. "The trick is to stay calm."

"If you knew how to pass the test, how do we know you weren't lying?", Dipper questions.

"Well, I could have lied about anything but I didn't. I already kinda lied earlier when I asked who Bill was.", you say. "Remember? Twenty percent lie rate."

"Hmm...", Mabel hums and then smiles. "You know what this means? Another quiz!", she cheers. "We can quiz them about ourselves! If they know stuff from the "show" like they said, then we'll know if they are lying!"

"Mabel, I don't know how we feel about confirming secrets about ourselves to some random person.", Dipper says. "No offense? I think?"

"No worries, I would also feel weird about sharing things about myself to a random person.", you nod.

Ford and Stan step away to talk about everything that happened within the last hour, while Mabel starts her questionnaire.

The older twins come back and nod.

"Mabel, do your worst.", Stan says.

"Way ahead of you!", she says and rushes off to get, what you assume, is glitter.

You sit there and then remember that you could just re-tell the episodes.

"I could just, you know, tell you what I know about the show?", you say.

"We'll do both.", Dipper says and stops the camcorder.

This might take a while...

*slurps spaghetti pasta* Oh, yeah. It's all coming together.

~Seline, the person.

Part 6

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[sangreprince]

Em's Big Long Sappy New Year's Post Under The Silly Cut©

Hey y'all, I wanna say thank you so much for sticking around this year. It's been a wild ride, and this blog has gotten WAY more love than I ever thought possible. I still have yet to start working on the big post I wanna do that shouts out all of my moots, but still I'm so incredibly thankful to all of you who have been here this whole time.

And I know this is supposed to be a positive thing, but I also want to be real for a second here. This year's been tough.

I don't talk about it a lot but I've been really struggling with stuff, and it's things I don't hear talked about a lot. So here goes. I wanna talk about some mental health stuff I've gone through and where I'm at now. Maybe it'll make somebody's 2025 easier than my 2024. It'll end when the orange lines do.

─────────

I'm not a terribly social person, I prefer one on one interactions much more because it gives me a lot more energy to give people and makes me a lot less anxious than group stuff. I have to be pretty exceptionally comfortable to reach the same level of comfort with a group that I can easily find with individuals. And this year what I've really come to understand is how that happens.

I find that when I introduce myself into a group setting, I compare myself to others a lot. And that really sucks. It's not fair to me, or the people around me. I think a lot of it comes from coming from a 'pull yourself up by the boostraps' type household where failure just isn't an option, and I still think I struggle with the idea that I'm 'failing' if I'm not the best at a certain thing. And if I compare myself with other people, I'm never ever gonna be the best at everything because naturally somebody else is gonna be better at some things than you.

For me this habit has been a really big issue in my relationships in 2024 because I've gotten more involved in friend groups. I don't think I'm over this bad habit, but here's what I've learned: You can't compare yourself to others, because you're not them.

You can't be everybody's best friend because people don't need that. I don't think I could even handle more than a few very close friends ( But I don't think I'm necessarily super 'close' with anyone as I think most people only see what I want them to see, and I have immense trouble with actually showing people every side of who I am just because I'm still struggling with feeling comfortable with being truly vulnerable around people and not comfortably vulnerable )

This is hard to admit even as I'm writing it, but I think deep down I learned this year that I have an intense need to prove myself to somebody that doesn't exist. An idea of this 'perfect' version of myself I've conjured up in my head. And to those close friends who've seen me lose it damn near self-flagellating myself because I wasn't the best friend somebody has or best player on the team: Thank you. For being honest with me. For grounding me and splashing the proverbial water on my face and taking me out of my own headspace. This kinda growth is hard, and overnight change is... Unrealistic at best but I try and take your grace and trust that you place in me every day and overcome one step at a time.

And I hope that one day, I can repay the kindness and patience you've shown me. I'm not used to having friends, frankly. I didn't have any, not really, until about 2019/2020. I've always been a recluse, somebody who shied from getting close to anyone as a consequence of abuse. This ( I theorize ) has affected me down to my sexuality, identity, and habits I've taken into other relationships. I've only had true, close friends for about four or five years of my life total.

I am not used to it. And I fear, at times, this is painfully obvious. So to those who I call close : Thank you. You are what keeps me going. You are what I work towards and what I carry with me. I hope that one day I can get out of my own head about this stuff, about this notion I feel to constantly prove myself in some way or another. And I want you all to know that you're the reason I'm determined to make this change, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes.

─────────

Anyway... Now for the shoutouts. This is less heavy than all of the above and in no particular order of significance as I'm just going off the top of my head: I would include everybody I love talking to but oh my god I would be here all day and besides y'all are getting that in the future anyways so. This is just the short list of personal thank you's!!!

@espelharr You, much like the radiant Viktor you write, have been a catalyst of change for me in a lot of ways. You've helped keep me honest, and been honest with me. We're pretty close and I'll admit, it makes me a little quiet and a little nervous because I'm really not used to having somebody I would consider a friend like that. You are among a very small group of people that I can confidently say I dearly trust. I admit it's kind of alien to me. I honestly don't know what to say with regards to it because I'm not entirely sure I've developed the social skills to develop a relationship beyond what we have.

In other words, you've maxed out my friendship meter and exhausted my dialog. Well, not actually. I never shut the fuck up and you know that perfectly well. I know we're both goin through out shit but if I could give you one gift as a token of my appreciation, it would be to let you see yourself for one minute how I see you every second of every day of every year that's to come.

And that's coming from somebody who has no idea of what's to come. But if you'll have me, I'd like to be a part of it. Through thick and thin, wind rain and snow.

Thank you, friend. I am proud to call you this. You get the long post because it's the last bit of Em "I wanna step out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable" before I retreat into my ball again.

@lronwilled Shep I'm still so confused how you infected my friend groups and became so close to me LMAO LIKE IT JUST KINDA HAPPENED AND I can maybe pinpoint like. One or two instances of maybe where it began but I still honestly have an immense amount of appreciation for all the patience and kindness you've shown me. I'm incredibly glad to have met you and started to actually talk more and I hope in 2025 I can maybe finally give you more than one reply a year and oh my god I haven't replie-

@untoldwithin / @avatarwithin YETI... I adore having got to know you and plot stuff like we have. Your portrayals conjure the voices of those you portray to my mind, and talking with you about ideas is always such a blast?? I love seeing you on the dash and love doing things just as much. Here's to a 2025 filled with a LOT MORE of all of the above, I'm so ready for it!!

@plasticsouled / @fearedelight Sal I hope you know how much I love seeing your silly little self on the dash. Even your main blog with muses I know nothing about are stuffed full of life and so much passion that it makes me so glad to be here and be a part of it. You're a fantastic writing partner and I'm so thankful to have met you in the last quarter of this year, and I really hope we can expand on everything we have and more in what's to come!! I love our silly lil shippy stuff and being able to talk is always such a joy and I go pspspsppsp for you to give me any and all thoughts whenever you have them because I can't get enough.

@primegrim / @mirkc / any of your other blogs PICHU I'm so glad to have met you this year and had somebody to ramble with. You write like a thousand blorbos but I'm grabbing each and every one of them with both my hands. Being able to talk and plot and do whatever else is such a blessing and I'm so glad you're here with us. if possible I'd take all your characters and raise them up like Simba, I'm such a fan 24/7 no questions asked.

@jinxe RAY MY BELOVED you have been here with me since the Volibear days and I'm so thankful for it. I've made this known several times but your lil meow meow will always be at my heart and you alone have made me appreciate her as a character so much more than I ever thought possible. I wish you were here more because I would be GRABBING YOU at all possible times.

Honorable Mentions:

You guys already know I love and appreciate you so much, and this is by no means all inclusive. If you're not on here I probably just forgor because this post is already long and emotional for me so skdjhfsdkj here goes!

@rotdame / bloom @soulcluster / NERD (I had to) @luxcruor / sailor @curscdtm / nathy @decaeys / my favorite stinky goth irl toreador @venstm / Ray :3 @hexsreality / Itzel @edgymuses / Jolyne @nameaprice / Xena @pompedia / POM @erobret / FERGIE :D @blueheals & @heirashari / Evie @avernusfuries HANNNN- gets slammed through a wall @spiderwarden & @coldjustness Melody @lunaetis / Hina @blackrosesmatron / lucy

Thank you.

All of you.

Here's to a good 2025.