#I've been sick for a few days and wanted to draw something different

[lavenderchameleon]

Monster high dance class doodles

[hannieehaee]

DOES HE KNOW ?

18+ / mdi

summary: after being friends with lee chan for a good portion of your life, the boy you considered nothing but your best friend suddenly starts acting different, making you slowly fall for him. problem is, you have a boyfriend.

content: friends2lovers!chan, reader has a bf, almost cheating but not actually, afab reader, smut, oral (f receiving), wet dream (this is actually a huge point in the plot lol), masturbation (f receiving), dry humping, more oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 9.8k

a/n: rewrote this so many times but finally finished it!! i love writing channie so i hope u guys enjoy<3

masterlist | kofi/patreon

support me through a one time tip<3

Something was clearly wrong with you.

Was Lee Chan hot?

Nothing made sense anymore, and it had been the case for a while.

You could date it back to a little over a month ago, at one of Soonyoung's usual gatherings. This had been where it all began, or more so, where it all ended.

For some reason unknown to man, that was the day in which Chan began courting you (his words, not yours).

After years of a solid friendship between the two of you, a not-so tipsy Chan cornered you at aforementioned party and began dancing with you. This was a common occurrence between the two of you. Despite having been taken for the past few months, you were still quite liberal about your touchy relationship with your best friend. However, what happened next what was truly out of the ordinary.

"Hey," he had whispered against your ear.

"Yeah?", you giggled, entertained by the boy.

"Wanna know a secret?"

"Sure."

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you," and with that, the dam had broken.

You froze against his arms, eyes widening. Though he could not see, as you were holding each other far too close to make eye contact.

Maybe he was drunk?

He interrupted you before you could respond. Chan pulled away from you to look into your eyes with a fully sober look in his face.

"I'm not drunk, and I know you have a boyfriend. And I know you only see me as a friend. But give me a few weeks, and I'll change both those things," was the last thing he said before giving you a peck on the cheek (yet another common thing in your relationship) and walking away with a confident sway in his step.

Ever since then, you had been bombarded by romantic gestures from your former best friend – former because you truly had no idea how you felt about him by this point.

Chan bought you flowers, – even when it was raining – had your favorite beverage at hand any time you so happened to see him, tied your shoelaces should they ever come undone, plucked loose eyelashes from your cheeks, tucked your hair behind your ear, placed his hand at the small of your back before crossing a street, walked you to and from home, looked at you with an indescribable sweetness in his eye, he ... He did everything any girl would need to be completely swooned (and then some).

You were beyond confused as to when this change had come about. As far as you knew, you were nothing more than best friends. When had Chan even begun liking you? What had changed?

"Oh. He's always had a thing for you," was what your mutual friend Soonyoung said when you first brought it up.

"What do you mean? We've been friends for years, he's never-"

"Yeah, duh. You never showed interest, what was he supposed to do? But yeah, he's crazy about you," added Seungkwan, sipping his drink nonchalantly.

You had decided to meet up with some of your mutual friends while Chan was at work. You needed at least five minutes with your other friends without Chan getting in the way with his flirting.

"It's kinda sick, actually," interjected Soonyoung once more.

You remained quiet for a while, thinking back to every interaction you'd ever had with Chan that may have revealed his feelings for you. Unfortunately, you kept drawing blanks all the while Soonyoung stole fries from your plate, disregarding your confusion at the situation.

"But why now?", you finally asked, slapping his meddling hand away from your food.

He shrugged, "Maybe he got fed up of watching you with that guy."

"He has a name, Soonyou-"

"None of us really care enough to learn it."

That much was true. None of your friends were fans of your current boyfriend. Or of any of them, to be quite frank. You had certain lack of skill at picking them, though this time around you felt confident about your current relationship. He was nice and respectful. Maybe a little bit of a square, but you liked to think you brought out the fun in him. This was also the longest relationship you'd ever had, giving you the grand total of three months in a exclusive relationship and a month and a half of a very prolonged talking stage that took place before he ever asked you out officially.

"Is this because I've been taken for longer than usual?", you tried to assert.

"Oh! That might be it, huh?", Soonyoung agreed.

"Well, I guess he didn't want you to break your streak of failed relationships," chuckled Kwan.

With a slap to his chest, you dropped the subject, deciding to ignore the slight acceleration of your heart any time you thought about Chan's crush for too long.

At first you found it to be a bit of a joke, but his affections quickly began to wear you down. It also didn't help how blatant he was about it, constantly flirting up a storm around your friends, not caring for their amused smiles at your flustered half-rejections of his advances. The only times in which he held back were the rare occasions in which your boyfriend would join your friend group in their outings. He could be reserved at times, not really clicking with your loud friends, so his presence was not a common thing.

Being honest, you felt kind of bad at the genuine excitement Chan's crush gave you. Though you weren't sure of your feelings for him at this point, his interest flustered you tremendously. You'd always known him as a pretty and charming guy, despite never really acknowledging such things. You understood why he got so much attention from girls, though you never thought too much of it. He was your best friend, you never had any motive to consider anything further than platonic feelings for him. But now that you were questioning your feelings, you felt as if you were kind of betraying your boyfriend.

Not to misunderstand, you had no desire of pursuing anything with anyone while you were in a committed relationship. You were just not that kind of person. But the mere thought of blushing at the words of a guy who wasn't yours (all while actually having a guy of your own) made you feel ashamed. Specially considering that you already had a very grand preexisting fondness for the guy in question.

God damn you, Lee Chan.

"So, when are you gonna drop this game and finally let me take you to bed?", he whispered cockily against your ear.

He was always so goddamn confident about it; a trait you always liked about him but were beginning to detest.

As per usual, you simply jokingly groaned at him and pushed him away in a manner far too light to be considered serious.

"Fuck off, Lee Chan."

With a giggle, he stepped away, usual pep in his step as present as ever.

"I'll get you another drink, 'kay, pretty?", you lost him in the crowd after that.

You'd gone drinking with your friends yet again, though this time at a distant friend's house party. Your boyfriend was absent once more due to his personal disdain for such outings. He was simply not much of a social drinker, which was fine! It just bothered you at times how often he chose staying in rather than going out with you.

Despite your rejections of Chan, you felt embarrassed to admit that you loved the thrill of his interest in you. Never had you ever had someone so shamelessly after your affections despite your lighthearted refusals. It made you feel wanted and powerful. It felt specially good when it came from a guy as handsome and charismatic as Chan; a guy who could have basically any girl all thanks to his unbelievable charisma.

Yet he wanted you. He was after you.

The guy you knew most was currently infatuated with you.

Yeah, you did need that second drink.

"Where's your guy?"

Your thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice coming from behind you.

You turned around to find Vernon leaning back against the wall, a smirk on his face at having watched your encounter with Chan.

"Shut up," you walked over to recline on the wall next to him, deciding to people-watch alongside him.

"It was a genuine question," he claimed, handing you a sip of the beer he'd been nursing.

"He's working again," you sipped, handing it back to take turns as you waited for Chan to bring you your drink of choice.

"And Channie?"

"What about him?"

"Does your boyfriend know?", he asks, more curious than actually interested.

Men, nosy as usual.

You groan, "Don't ask me that, Non."

"C'mon! Has he not noticed the way Chan's been after you these past few weeks?", he seemed far too entertained by the subject.

"Of course not! Chan's kept his distance around him, but ..."

"But?"

You turned your head to him, back still leaning against the wall, "I don't know!"

"Well, do you like him? Channie, I mean."

"It's- I like the attention."

"And him?", he pressed.

"He's starting to wear me down," you admitted.

Vernon chuckled into his red solo cup, "It's cute."

"What is?"

"The back and forth, the 'will they, won't they.' But if you ask me, I think they will."

"I have a boyfriend, Non," you grumbled, not entirely convincing in your tone.

"Yeah, but are you guys even friends? Wouldn't it be better to date someone who you actually like?"

"Stop doing PR for Chan. It's not like he needs it," you grumbled, already uses to this back and forth with many of your other friends – all of whom were rooting for Chan.

"Fine. But get out of here. Your guy's probably looking for you."

"My guy's not here."

"I meant Channie, now go!"

You grumbled again before walking in the direction in which Chan had left, knowing he'd likely still be in the kitchen attempting to fetch you a drink.

It didn't take you long to find him, nor did it take you long to spot the girl standing next to him, seemingly flirting up a storm. Chan didn't seem too deterred by this either. More than anything, he appeared to he reciprocating.

Maybe this was why you and Chan started off as friends and remained so for the years you'd known each other. He always had a girl clinging onto him one way or another. Though he didn't date much, he sure enjoyed swooning girls whenever he could.

You'd always been very strict about being exclusive with whoever you dated, never wanting to compete for someone's attention or engage in prolonged talking stages. This was something you differed in with Chan. He was quite the opposite, engaging in situationships that never really led anywhere. As his friend, you never really cared much for this. If it worked for him, then that was that. However, now that he was supposedly attempting to pursue you, – despite you being in a relationship – you couldn't help but scoff at the sight of Chan still entertaining any girl that'd show interest in him.

You almost turned around and left, but were promptly stopped by the man himself, who spotted you before you could take one step and disregarded the girl immediately. The girl scoffed in your place, clearly put off by Chan's attention being taken away so easily.

"Babe!", he called out, one drink in each hand, as he approached you, "Sorry I took so long, the line was crazy."

Immaturely enough, you rolled your eyes and grabbed the drink from his hand, ignoring his statement as you sipped it. You really had no right to be jealous of Chan talking to other girls. You were taken, and you weren't even interested in Chan. Were you? Still, you disregarded those thoughts and allowed the bitterness to cloud your mind and began walking away from the boy.

"Huh?", a question mark physically manifested itself above Chan's head as you began walking away from him, "Baby? Wait, where are you going?", his arm managed to reach you before you got far enough and softly turned you around to face him.

The two of you were still standing far too close to the people crowding the kitchen, however, so Chan assessed that it'd be better to move to a quieter spot in order to properly check in on you. With a decisive nod to himself, he grabbed onto your hand and walked you over to an empty hallway before turning to you again.

"What's wrong? Did something happen while I was gone? Did someone-"

The concern in his eyes seemed very genuine, making you feel bad for being such a brat at the mere sight of Chan interacting with another woman. You had never had an issue with your best friend being around other women. Hell, you never even cared whenever he would occasionally ditch you for other girls. The two of you were simply best friends. You had always rooted for him in his romantic life, even encouraging him with it.

But things had drastically changed as soon as he began showing interest in you.

It was like his sudden interest had unlocked a part of you you hadn't known was there. It had given you this brand new possessiveness you had never held over Chan before; a possessiveness you didn't even feel for your current boyfriend.

And it made you feel embarrassed. Tremendously so. It also made you feel like a hypocrite. Here you had a guy who was clearly extremely into you, yet he had made no comment nor expressed any disdain over the fact that you already had a guy. Chan had never expressed any type of jealousy over any of your past relationships. Despite having liked you for the entire duration of your friendship (information you were unsure Chan was aware you knew), Chan always respected your relationships and even tried to befriend any guy you brought along. Yet you couldn't hold back your bitterness at him showing interest in someone else; interest you now felt should be reserved only for you.

The hypocritical nature of your feelings made you look down in embarrassment as you interrupted Chan's inquiries, clarifying that nothing was wrong.

"No, Chan. I'm fine, I swear. Just a little tired. I, uh, thanks for the drink."

"Hey, are you sure?", he lifted your face with a finger to your chin, making you hold eye contact with him.

It was quite insane how this was not even meant as a flirtatious move, but rather a demonstration of his platonic worry for you. Yet your heart sped up anyways.

"I'm fine, Chan! It's just the crowds. You know how I get. Nonnie told me to go look for you and there were so many people in the kitchen, and then I couldn't come up to you because of that girl and-"

Your rambles were interrupted by an exclamation mark practically manifesting itself above Chan's head, with the sudden realization of your jealousy hitting him.

"Oh?", he tilted his head and leaned in a bit closer as a grin began making its way onto his face, "'That girl'?", he repeated.

"Chan-"

He got closer to you, now cornering you against the hallway wall, still giving you space but blocking your view of anything other than him.

"I'm sorry, baby. Did that bother you? Hmm? Me talking to some other girl?"

"It's not like that! I just-"

"It's okay. You can admit it. I won't judge you," except his smirk was nothing but condescending.

"Chan! I-"

"But that's kinda funny, though. Isn't it?", he chuckled to himself.

"W-what is?," you stammered at his sudden shift in mood.

Though he was still far too close for a friend to be, and he was still leaning into your touch, his tone had shifted to one a bit more cynical in nature.

"You're jealous? Baby, you have a boyfriend."

"I do, and-"

"So what's there to be jealous about? You've got your guy. Yet you're looking my way? When you've been rejecting me all this time?", he leaned even closer, almost breathing right against your nose, eyes hooded as they bore into your own, alternating between your eyes and lips in a somewhat teasing manner.

"I-I'm not jealous. Just ... Why flirt with me if you're after other girls too?", you made the mistake of asking.

"Oh, baby. I'm not looking at anyone else. Not my fault you're so possessive you can't even stand other girls looking at me," you knew he was simply teasing you, knowing full well that you were not the possessive type. But his words carried a slight weight of truth behind them.

You had no reason to feel any type of possessiveness over Chan. Yet you still felt uneasy at the thought of Chan's eyes on anyone who wasn't you. Now that you had a taste of his attention you wanted it all to yourself.

"I just have one question," he whispered, far too close to you.

You nodded at him to continue, wide eyes on his own.

"Does he know?"

"Know what?"

"That you like me back," his eyes went down to your lips again.

"Chan. Stop. I-I'm not gonna cheat on my boyfriend," you huffed, avoiding his eyes – which was quite hard at his close proximity.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, with your eyes occasionally dropping to his lips. But it was fine, since his own were also on yours – though his expression was more triumphant than anything, while yours revealed your nerves. Had you been in a less restricting position, your thighs would've instinctively pressed together at the thoughts that were suddenly running through your mind at his proximity, but thankfully the situation didn't drag long enough for your lust to reveal itself.

He finally pulled away, smirk still on his face, "I'd never ask you to do that, baby. 's just nice to know my plan's working," he chuckled.

"What plan?"

"I'm wearing you down. You want me."

Unfortunately, you had no rebuttal, knowing that Chan had won this round. Even if you denied his statement (which you had half the mind to do), he had caught you red handed. You had whined about not having his full attention just like a petulant child would. Nothing you said would save you from that.

You managed to move on from that quite quickly, finding Soonyoung and Kwannie just a few moments later and using them as an excuse to move on from the way in which Chan had cornered you. You spent the rest of the party pondering Chan's words. Did you actually want him? Or was it just that you wanted him to want you?

Now you were stuck with embarrassing moisture between your thighs and countless doubts hanging over your head.

"C-Channie! Oh, Channie, fuck!"

Your cries of pleasure were unparalleled as the pretty boy you liked to call your best friend slurped at your cunt like a starved man.

You weren't sure how long he had been at it, nor were you sure how you'd ended up in this situation, but you had no complaints. His tongue between your thighs was pure heaven, especially with the pathetic whines the boy kept letting out at your taste.

"'sso good, princess. Cunt's so tasty ... Been wanting it since I met you ... Been waiting for you for years," he mumbled against your cunt, getting back to licking and sucking immediately.

While your heart was unsure what to make of such a heavy statement, your body responded with desperation. To have a man yearn for you like that for years was doing wonders for your cunt. It made you gush like crazy, beginning to grind against Chan's face in such a depraved way.

"Just like that, fuck. Fuck my face just like that," he groaned, the vibrations of his voice causing you to grind even harder against him.

"C-Channie! It's so good ... So fucking good, oh!"

He seemed to get off on your praise, you realized, as you felt ruckus on the bed beneath you caused by Chan canting his hips against your mattress and moaning incessantly into your cunt. The knowledge of your taste alone making Chan lose himself in such a way was enough to drive you towards your high, getting closer and closer by the second.

"Gonna make me cum, princess. Got such a pretty fucking pussy," he managed to breathe out despite exerting all his efforts into fucking the mattress.

Surprising to no one, Chan claimed your orgasm on his tongue just moments later, somehow managing to talk you through it and make the experience even more swoon-worthy than it already was. Chan had managed to make you feel a way no one had ever before, making you ache for him with just his words.

It had all ended far sooner than you would've liked, but it was fine. You knew that with a few kisses to his ear Chan would give you whatever you wanted without question.

Yet before you could even get to enjoy the entirety of your high, it was abruptly taken from you the moment your alarm began ringing, awakening you from what you hadn't realized was just slumber.

Waking up from a wet dream was already embarrassing enough on its own, but waking up from a wet dream about your best friend whom you swore you weren't into like that was a new level of low.

As much as you tried to brush it off as some sort of fluke or meaningless dream, you knew better. You had never thought of Chan in such a way, much less imagined him in that context, so it was safe to say that Chan had been right. His plan was working.

~

The following hours were spent on alert (and still incredibly horny). You thought about calling up your boyfriend to help you out, but the thought in itself felt dirty. How could you ask your boyfriend to take care of a problem caused by your best friend? There was that, and the fact that your brain would probably not be satisfied by your boyfriend right now.

You needed to get Chan out of your system.

You knew that if you called up Chan and explained your problem to him he'd come running immediately, no questions asked as he helped you relive your dream. Such a thought had your head spinning and your knees feeling weak. Except you had a moral compass that was preventing you from doing so. So, you spent the next few hours extremely sensitive and attempting to take care of yourself in any way you could think of.

Unfortunately nothing compared to your dream. Nothing felt as warm and loving as Chan had felt. There was not a single thing that could bring back that feeling of want Chan had towards you; a feeling you were so desperate for. This led you to spend the rest of the day sexually frustrated, unable to reach your high as you felt something was thoroughly missing.

Even when your boyfriend stopped by to see you after work, things had gone awry. You'd received him at the door in a desperate manner, dragging him in with you and inciting him into fucking you. You didn't care if you had Chan in mind anymore, you just needed some satisfying release. Sadly, your boyfriend did not match your energy, opting to slow you down and have his way with you in his own way. This led to yet another unsatisfying release to add to today's tally. You were unsure if you could even call it a release, as it felt entirely underwhelming and had been mostly accomplished by your own hand.

Going to sleep, still sexually frustrated, you cursed at yourself for letting Lee Chan get in your head.

Spending time with Chan after your incident was nothing less than incredibly awkward.

Despite Chan being fully unaware of what had gone down in your subconscious, you couldn't help the blush that would take over your face any time the two of you made eye contact. He had all the power at the moment.

You had also made the mistake of discussing the occurrence with your closest friends, Seungkwan and Soonyoung. Purposely, you had not mentioned the name of the culprit behind your wet dream, but it had not been hard for your nosy friends to figure it out on their own.

"You had a sex dream about Channie?!", Soonyoung had all but whispered, causing some old ladies across the diner to look your way in judgment.

Fortunately not too many people were present at the diner you were currently hanging out at, but it didn't really help the embarrassment you felt at the words even being uttered. This was the only time in which you could see your friends without Chan's presence, so you couldn't be too picky about the setting.

"Soonyoung! Shut the hell up!", you whisper-shouted at him, throwing a rolled up napkin at him in punishment, "I never said it was about Chan."

"Please. Who else would it be about? Sure as hell can't be about your vanilla boyfriend. And anyone else like Mingyu or Wonwoo would be too obvious for you to be so embarrassed about it. It has to be Chan," Seungkwan butted in nonchalantly.

"I- It's- my boyfriend is not vanilla!"

"You didn't deny it! It was Channie!", Soonyoung was far too excited at having guessed correctly.

Giving up, and knowing you needed some external input on your predicament, you nodded in shame, admitting to your sin in order to maybe get some advice on the situation.

"What do I do? I ... I can't stop thinking about it. Fuck, I can't even look at Chan in the eye anymore."

"Was it good?"

"Soonyoung, stop! That's not the point."

"He has a point. Not really worth ruining your relationship over some mediocre head," argued Seungkwan.

"Shut up! It- Fuck, it was so good," you groaned into your hands in utter embarrassment.

"Dude I knew Chan would be good at head. It's in his eyes. I'm telling you, people with those big doe eyes are freaks in bed," Soonyoung couldn't seem to stop spewing his headcanon of Chan at you.

"Or at least dream-Chan is," agreed Kwan.

"What do I do?! It won't leave my mind. I- I've already tried fucking it out of my head, but even then-"

"Hold on. You had sex with your boyfriend while thinking about Chan? Does he know?"

"Soonyoung!"

"Man, he'd pass out if he heard that. Do you know how many time's he's walked us through his sex dreams?", cackled Soonyoung.

This obviously caught your attention, making you widen your eyes and fastening the speed of your heartbeat.

Chan had had sex dreams about you too?

I mean, it should've been obvious considering the amount of dirty innuendos and straight-up proposals he's given you these past few weeks, but you had never actually thought about it in depth.

Fuck.

Chan wanted to fuck you.

The thought made you gulp and press your thighs together, actions your friends thankfully did not catch onto.

"He, uh, he's told you about his sex dreams about me?", you asked with a complete lack of confidence in your voice.

"God, don't even get him started," grumbled Seungkwan, slurping his almost empty americano before continuing, "It's Hoshi who keeps instigating him into telling us every excruciating detail."

Soonyoung nodded in confirmation, "Dude, he gets nasty," he whispers as if it was a sin to utter out loud – despite having previously aired your own sex dream to the whole diner.

God, were you interested in knowing more. But you couldn't blow your cover. You were far too horny and pent up already. Hearing about how your sexy (yes, you were at the point of shamelessly admitting it) best friend giving it to you in the nastiest scenarios imaginable would probably make you combust in front of your best friends and every other unsuspecting person in the establishment.

With dry lips and wetness already gathering between your thighs, you simply hummed in acknowledgment and moved on with the conversation, eventually managing to change subjects without giving away your cover.

~

Never in your life had you ever had such urgency in getting home.

Upon locking your front door, you immediately ran to your bed, undressing yourself in the process and getting ready to rid yourself of the ache between your legs that had been bothering you since that wretched dream.

You knew that you wouldn't be able to satisfy yourself as well as you wanted without Chan's aid (you'd tried endless times just a few days ago), but trying was better than nothing.

Getting yourself started was easy. All you had to do was remember the very vivid image of dream-Chan slobbering between your legs, begging you to use his face however you saw fit and claim your orgasm as if it were a god-given right.

But imagination wasn't enough.

You had half the mind to call up Chan right there and then and crying to him to please come and take care of you. The repeated knowledge that Chan would likely come to you with no question nor judgement made the task of holding back even harder. It made you cry at the frustration your fingers were giving you; they just weren't enough. Not even after the endless attempts these past few days had you been able to calm the fire between your legs. The last time you saw your boyfriend – just after your damned sex dream – had been yet another failed attempt. It seemed like nothing could truly get you there.

That's when you thought of the perfect thing.

Chan always had the tendency of either taking you home himself or sending you a short voice message to ensure you had arrived home safely – always insisting on one in return. This message always contained Chan's raspy voice after a long day of shenanigans, usually calling you one pet name or another as he checked in on you.

No matter how ashamed you felt at it, the burning between your legs did seem to diminish upon turning up the short voice message he had left you just last week. His words, accompanied by his voice, did wonders for your imagination.

"Hey, babe", it had started, "Just wanted to check in on you and make sure you got home okay. Need you to send me a message back as soon as you can, yeah?"

This had been enough to start you up again, the usual 'babe' nickname and the soft command causing an effect on you it never had in all your years of friendship.

"You looked so pretty today," he sighed, "Did I tell you that? Need to be telling you that every day. You're gorgeous. Don't even know how such a pretty girl puts up with us," he chuckled.

Oh, Channie ...

He'd always been so sweet to you. Such a fun friend, but also such a sweet boy who'd always coddle you and treat you better than anyone else. You could almost picture him swooning at you as he reminisced on the pretty dress you'd worn that day.

You couldn't think of anyone else who thought of you that fondly. Yet you were currently too busy using an unsuspecting Chan to get off after days of being pent up due to that same boy.

"Miss you already, gorgeous. Should've taken you home myself, ugh," he groaned at himself, "That way I would've at least gotten a goodnight kiss," he paused, chuckling, "on the cheek, of course."

It was probably just your horny brain talking, but had Chan been in front of you at that moment, you would've done far more than just kiss him. You didn't know where all this sudden lust for Chan had come from, but that dream had come with an epiphany. Maybe you'd been attracted to your best friend all this time.

"'Kay, Imma leave you now, okay, princess? Message me back when you're ready for bed, alright? You know how I worry. Goodnight, beautiful. I love you," he ended the recording with a soft kiss.

The short voice message wasn't enough to work yourself up to an orgasm, so you revisited as many of his old messages as you could, recalling some specially soft ones he'd send you where he'd call you all the petnames known to man and praise you enough to make you blush.

You also thought about what Soonyoung had said, how Chan's dreams about you would get nasty. You thought of every nasty thing the man was probably itching to do to you. You thought of how easily you'd let him if he was here at this moment.

Throughout it all, you pictured Chan and the actions that would accompany his words if he were in the room with you. You imagined the soft touches and the praise he'd spew endlessly at you. The eyes full of genuine love – mixed with a little lust – that would watch you as you came undone.

And come undone you did. It wasn't as good as it would've been with the real Chan present and taking care of you, but it sure beat the multiple unsatisfying orgasms you'd had in the past few days.

"We broke up."

Those were your opening words upon approaching the usual table you shared with your friends.

This time Seokmin had decided to join.

"You what?"

"Because of Chan?"

"Really?!"

All responses were delivered simultaneously, making you groan as you sat down, knowing you were in for a lengthy interrogation from the three nosiest men you knew.

You covered your face in your hands and exhaled before unmasking yourself and facing your friends with seriousness in your demeanor.

"Didn't feel right when I kept thinking about Chan," you started, "He understood, which made it worse. Said he'd been too busy with work lately, was thinking of taking some time apart anyways."

It had been a few days since your wet dream about Chan. After your lonely escapade the night after – the night with the cursed voice memos – you had gone over to your boyfriend's place to end it. You hadn't hung out much in the past few weeks. There had been no spark for a bit. The goodness of your short-lived relationship was probably just the honeymoon period, which ended around the same time Chan decided to make his interest on you known.

It was all too much to deal with, so breaking it off seemed easier.

"Wow," aired Soonyoung.

"Yeah. Wow. How are you feeling?", asked Seokmin.

"I'm fine. Just, you know, feel kinda bad. I didn't want to be with someone if my heart wasn't fully in it," you mumbled, a little solemn.

"Does Channie know?"

"God, no. I've been avoiding him since," you eyed Kwan and Soonyoung, "uh, you know," you didn't want Seokmin to be yet another one of your friends to know about your sexual escapades in your slumber.

"Oh, you mean the sex dream?"

Your stare turned menacing, facing the only two possible culprits, "Who told him?"

"It was Soonie!", Seungkwan revealed immediately.

"Wait! No, I-"

"Did you tell anyone else? Oh my god, does Chan know?!"

"No! I only told Seokmin, I swear! He asked why we were meeting while Chan's working, so I told him."

"Don't worry, I won't tell. Scout's honor."

Seokmin held an innocent pinky towards you. Already done with the situation, you halfheartedly intertwined pinkies and moved on.

"So ... Channie?", Seungkwan asked once more.

"What about him?", you feigned curiosity.

"Playing dumb isn't gonna help things."

"What, do you want me to tell him about my dream?"

"That'd be kinda weird, man, I don't know," added Seokmin.

"I think it'd be hot."

"Soonyoung, shut up!", you told him for the nth time since the subject of your 'crush' on Chan had first come up.

Seungkwan side-eyed them before continuing, "No, but you like him, don't you?"

Did you? Did you actually like Chan?

Before Chan had showed interest in you, you had never considered it. Ever since you'd met him, Chan had always been nothing more than your best friend, your partner in crime. You had never felt as safe and comfortable with anyone as you had with Chan, and that was still the case. No boyfriend had ever made you feel as at ease as Chan always did.

His crush had brought out something in you. Had it been any other friend who suddenly revealed their feelings for you, you would've reacted in horror. But it was different with Chan. For some reason, you didn't feel put off by it, nor did you try to chase him away for his feelings for you. It wasn't one of those situations where the boy suddenly decides to pursue his girl-friend and ruins the friendship altogether. This had opened pandora's box for you, making you realize that Chan's affections would've always been welcomed by you.

Even if you jokingly rejected him or told your friends you had a boyfriend, it was all simply due to your moral compass. You weren't a cheater, so you couldn't take Chan too seriously even if you wanted to. But now you were single, and now you had to figure out if you really wanted Chan in the same way he wanted you.

"I know that I want him, but I need to make sure that I want him, you know? I'd never want to hurt his feelings or jeopardize our friendship just because I was horny one day."

"So you're scared it might just be that you're sexually attracted to him?"

"No, it's just ..."

"You want to know whether or not you like him and not just the attention he gives you."

It was surprisingly Soonyoung who had deciphered it.

"Y-yeah. Fuck. Does that make me a narcissist?"

"Nah. It's better to be sure. You've been friends with Channie since forever. It makes sense for you to wanna be cautious."

"You should probably stop avoiding him, though. He's, uh, starting to notice," revealed Seokmin.

"Yeah, he won't stop whining. Just put him out of his misery already," said Soonie.

"Okay, I guess I'll talk to him next time I see him."

You didn't really feel ready for it, but the time to confront Chan would have to come sooner or later.

Next time you saw Chan was actually far too soon for your liking. Just the following day you found yourself at yet another house party; a small gathering among your friend group and some other people. It wasn't anything too big, so you knew that you'd inevitably bump into Chan.

It had only been about a week since you last spoke to Chan, but that had been a week too long. Throughout the duration of your friendship, the longest you ever went without constant communication had been three days, which had been a total accident on both your parts. The two of you would at least text once a day, even coming to have an unbroken streak of endless texts.

Fuck, you missed him.

Chan obviously must've noticed your lack of communication these past few days. You weren't even sure why you had decided to keep him in the dark. It wasn't just the wet dream (which was still haunting you, but had moved to the back burner for now), and it wasn't your breakup either. You were just confused about your feelings for the boy, but punishing him by icing him out had been far too much. Now you felt guilty.

You felt extra guilty when you finally spotted Chan across the party, sitting alone on a loveseat while he attempted but failed at discreetly looking over at you. He looked like a wounded puppy as he did so, pout on his lips and furrowed brows. It made you want to kiss the pout right off his face.

It was easy to tell that he wanted to approach you, but was simply trying his hardest to respect the boundary you had seemingly put up out of nowhere. This meant that you'd have to be the one to talk to him.

Then you took action, throwing away the drink you had been nursing and walking over to him, ignoring his shocked expression when you wordlessly grabbed his hand and pulled him to an empty room in the shared house. You locked the door and turned to him, unsure on what to say first.

Chan was the now the one to surprise you, immediately trapping you in a bear hug and burying his face in your shoulder, loudly breathing you in.

He didn't let go for a couple of minutes, even nudging you to keep hugging him back when you went to pull away.

When he finally let go, you finally had the chance to look at the boy for a moment.

Yeah, you liked him.

You had missed him far too much to be able to deny it.

You liked Lee Chan, and you were ready to let it be known to the world.

But then he started speaking.

"I'm so sorry," he started, utterly confusing you as to what he could be apologizing for, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I, fuck. I must've crossed a line with my flirting, and I never meant to. You're my best friend, and I need to respect you, an-and I need to respect your relationship. I thought that maybe somehow I could get you to see me as more than a friend, but it was stupid of me to assume you'd drop your boyfriend just because your dumb friend suddenly had a crush on you – which, uh, isn't the case, by the way," he looked down, embarrassed, "I've liked you since we met. So much. I assumed Hoshi must've told you by now. Anyways, I, uh, I'm really sorry. I'll stop. I will never bring it up again, just, fuck, please don't be mad. I'll take anything you give me. If friendship is what you want then I'll be the bestest friend you've ever had, just-"

It was impossible to take his senseless rambles anymore. You were getting too emotional at the thought of having put Chan through this turmoil when you had spent the last few days tending to the ache he had caused between your legs and subsequently breaking up with your boyfriend in order to figure out your feelings. It made you feel equally embarrassed and ridiculous, yet the effects of your silence made you begin to tear up at the apologetic boy in front of you.

Interrupting him, you hugged him again, somehow even tighter this time. This thankfully shut him up, allowing his body to lose its tension and letting himself become limp in your hold.

After some more moments of silent hugging, you were the one to pull away this time, giving him a sympathetic smile as you raised a hand to caress his cheek. It made you soon the way in which he leaned against your palm and gave you the sweetest smile known to man.

"Channie, you did nothing wrong ... I'm sorry for cutting you off like that, that was so wrong of me. I should've talked to you and told you how I was feeling. I wish I was half as confident about my feelings as you are, but I just felt so-" you paused, not knowing what you were even trying to express, "a-and then I just started avoiding you to avoid my feelings all together. I'm sorry."

"No, you have nothing to apologize for," he put his hands on your shoulders to ensure you were understanding his point, "I should've respected your boundaries. I never even should've tried to pursue you when I know you have a boyfriend, it was so-"

"had", you clarified, shy.

"what?"

"I had a boyfriend. We, uh, we broke up a few days ago."

"You ... Fuck, was it because of me?"

His eyes were like saucers, but you could see a small hint of a smile that he quickly wiped off when he realized the context of the situation.

"I want to say no, but ... yeah, I did."

Still feeling unbelievably ashamed at the memory of what had first led you to consider breaking up with your boyfriend, – a stupid wet dream you still couldn't get out of your mind – you avoided eye contact. Now you knew that that had only been the catalyst of realizing your feelings for Chan, but it still didn't help matters much, specially knowing that Chan would find out sooner or later.

"God, I'm so so sorry-"

"Chan! Stop apologizing! It wasn't because of anything you did. I just ... I realized some things these past few weeks and .. I realized we weren't really right for each other," you took a breath, "Not when you were all I could think about."

"Y-you ...?"

"I'm going to be candid, okay? Just, please don't interrupt."

He nodded, giving you the green light.

"A little over a week ago, uh, something happened. And then I couldn't keep you out of my mind. I tried talking to the guys, I even tried using my boyfriend as a distraction, but nothing worked. I started avoiding you because I just felt so awkward realizing I was beginning to develop feelings for you. It was wrong of me, but I needed time. I broke up with him because it didn't feel right to be with someone else while you were the only person I wanted around."

Saying it felt like a breath of fresh air. Not only were you admitting it to Chan, but also to yourself. Your friendship with Chan had never been your average friendship. Even before he had decided to begin shamelessly hitting on you, he had always been the sweetest and most caring boy you'd ever met. Sending you voice memos every time you went home alone, always being in charge of getting your drinks, driving you wherever you wanted, being overly affectionate with you any time he felt you might've needed it. The boy had always been the perfect match for you, you just couldn't grasp it until he began to literally shove it in your face.

"What made you realize it?"

Not expecting him to question you, but rather just accept your sudden change of heart, you hadn't thought of how to explain to him that a sex dream was what had brought you to this epiphany.

But what did you have to lose at this point? Most of your friends already knew, and to be quite frank, you still wanted Chan extremely badly. Telling him wouldn't be the end of the world.

"I, uh, I had a dream about you ..." you muttered, eyes avoiding his own.

His already wide eyes widened even more, a smirk forming itself on his features as he tilted his head in question.

"Uhm, care to repeat that for me?"

"Chan, shut the fuck up. You heard me."

"I didn't! Just tell me. Please?"

With a sigh, you repeated yourself, this time a little more clear, "I had a dream about you."

"Uh-huh. What type of dream?"

"Chan!"

"Princess, please. I embarrassed myself for you for weeks. I pined for you for years. Just give me what I wanna hear," he pleaded, somehow cocky in the way he did so.

"Fuck, fine. I had a wet dream about you. I dreamt about you between my legs, giving me the greatest orgasm I've ever experienced and begging me for more. I dreamt of your pathetic whines while I ground my cunt on your face. And then I woke up before I could cum. I spent the entire day trying to get that feeling back but nothing worked, Chan, nothing. I couldn't look you in the eyes after that so I just avoided you."

Finally giving him the most candid version of the events made you feel a weight leave your shoulders, specially upon realizing that the boy who currently held your heart had been rendered unable to use this as ammunition against you as you watched his cocky expression turn into one of lust.

"Oh," he breathed out. Taking a few moments to regain his composure, he spoke up again, "W-was that it? Or do you, uh, do you also like me back?"

"I like you, Chan. So much. The dream was just what made me realize that I wanted you in every way imaginable."

A decisive expression now took over his face, nodding to himself before moving closer to you, taking up all your personal space.

"That's all I needed to know," he declared before claiming your lips in a heated kiss.

Chan kissed you with everything he had to give. The kiss immediately grew lustful, with Chan licking into your mouth for access the second you made the smallest sound of surprise. And, fuck was Chan a great kisser.

His tongue was practically making love to yours, rendering your legs weak and shaky. Thankfully Chan realized this, pushing you to the nearest wall so that he could continue to take over all your senses.

Scratching and pulling at his hair, you caused Chan to moan against your lips, only making you whine in return. Chan took this as a sign to move forward, beginning to grind his expert hips against your own. Already hard, Chan's clothed cock felt like heaven against your burning cunt. You had begged for a proper release for days, and you were now afraid that some light dry humping would be enough to take you there before you could finally relive your dream.

But did you care? Did you care enough to halt Chan's movements when they were already making your eyes roll back? Your body made the decision for you, pushing your hips against his own and making him release a gruttal groan against your lips.

"N-need you so fucking bad ..." he breathed against your lips, barely able to get a word out as you insisted of licking into his mouth as he spoke. This made him groan again, "Princess, please ... You're gonna kill me."

Pulling away, you grabbed his hands and placed them on your breasts, making eyed at him as you spoke, "Channie, just touch me. Don't care what you do, just ... just take care of the problem you caused."

He whined at the feeling of your body at his palms, immediately groping and feeling up every inch of your body before trapping your mouth in another heated kiss. His hands soon became too desperate to feel you through your clothes, carelessly unwrapping you from every piece of clothing he could. He left you in your underwear, having thrown off your dress and holding onto your hands so you could haphazardly kick off your shoes. Chan's clothes joined soon after, with his own hands throwing off all but his boxers.

Before he could claim your lips in a kiss again, you grabbed him by the hand, leading him to a nearby couch in order to sit him down. Sitting on his lap, you kissed him again and again, thoroughly enjoying how liberal his hands were in the way he touched you.

Finally throwing off your bra, you felt up your tits a bit as Chan watched you with a pained look in his face, mouth open and eyes glued to your breasts. His lips attached to your tits immediately after, going crazy in the way he suckled and bit at them.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," he mumbled against your tit, "Fuck, dreamt about you every night ... This pretty body and all your pretty noises. Can't believe I get to have you now," he kissed his way back up to your neck, hands never halting in their caressing of your body.

He pulled away to look into your eyes – though his eyes kept dropping to your lips, "You're embarrassed about your dream?", he chuckled, "Want me to tell you some of mine? Hmm?", he began to manhandle you, positioning you so that you could lay horizontally on the couch and he could lay above you, "So fucking nasty, baby, it'd make you blush."

"Channie ..."

"Gonna do so many nasty things to you. Want me to whine for your pussy? Oh, baby ... Gonna beg for pussy every day, shit," his hand went down to rub your wet cunt through your panties, "'sso wet," he groaned, "Gonna lick it all up again and again. Need to suffocate between these thighs," he made his way down your body as he said this, eventually coming face to face with your cunt.

Leaving a kiss on your weeping cunt, he licked through your panties, causing you to arch your back for him and throw your head back. The warmth of his tongue could've been enough to claim your orgasm, but somehow you persisted.

Chan became desperate for you quickly after that, removing your panties and lifting your thighs so that he could finally bury himself between your legs the way you'd been wanting him to for so long.

"Channie, fuck!," you cried, pulling at his hair while pushing his head further against you.

"Use me. God, just ... Grind that cunt against me ..."

And so you did. You took advantage of your pretty best friend's desperation for you and employed your own desperation for him. To any outsider, you must've looked like the image of depravity as you used Chan for your pleasure, but Chan was just as depraved. You could feel the couch shake from under you, indicating the way in which Chan ground against it as you claimed your orgasm on his tongue.

Riding your high was an incomparable experience. No one had ever made you feel as much pleasure as Chan had. Not even dream-Chan lived up to reality.

You could've sworn you lost consciousness for a few moments after your high, feeling completely weightless when it had finally died down. Your ability to think only came back by the time Chan had climbed back up your body and kissed at your chest once more, smiling at you when he finally reached your lips.

Instead of sharing a sweet moment with him, you claimed his lips once more and licked every last bit of your essence from his mouth. He groaned and allowed his tongue to mingle with yours in such a nasty manner that it made you blush when you remembered that Chan was nothing more than your best friend less than an hour ago.

"Let me fuck you," Chan pleaded when he finally managed to pull away from your greedy lips.

"How do you want me?", you asked as your lips tried to reclaim his yet again. Fuck, he was such a good kisser.

"Fuck. I get to choose?"

You couldn't help but be endeared by him. Also incredibly turned on by how much he clearly wanted you.

Without another word, he repositioned you so you'd be on your hands and knees, running his hand down your back to press the arch of your back a little deeper. He groaned at the sight of you arching your back as deliciously as you could, wiggling your ass as you looked back at him with a cheeky smile, lip trapped between your teeth.

"I've been waiting for this for years, shit. I'm not gonna last."

That made you giggle, continuing to press yourself up against him to get him to break.

"Just fuck me, Channie. Promise it's gonna feel so good."

"Yeah, baby. Gonna fuck you so good."

His tip then finally made contact with your cunt, being dragged up and down your folds as you whined at the feeling. He finally began to penetrate you after becoming too desperate himself.

"You're so fucking warm ..." he breathed out.

Sighing out at the fullness, you pushed back against him, encouraging him to begin fucking into you. Chan took no time in following your lead, adopting a desperate pace almost immediately.

The sounds of skin slapping took over the room, only accompanied by sighs and moans of pleasure from you or Chan. The occasional whiny praise also left his lips every so often. The needy way in which he fucked you had you reeling. Chan had the ability to make you feel extremely desired and like getting to fuck you was the greatest privilege known to man. The way his hands caressed you and his pleas for you to 'please push it back on him' made the experience all the more dreamy to you.

Dream-Chan truly stood no chance to the real one.

"Princess, gonna- fuck, gonna fucking cum. W-where can I?", he grunted from behind, his thrusts somehow becoming even more animalistic.

There was no moment of hesitation in your voice – though shaky from the way in which Chan rutted against you – when you gave him the green light to cum inside you. His groan upon your confirmation only made your back arch even more. Chan's want for you continued to make you feel lightheaded.

Halfway through his own orgasm, Chan triggered your own through the way his hand dipped under you and toyed with your clit. After only one day with you, your best friend already knew how to get you there immediately. He talked you through your orgasm, giving you endless praise about how beautiful you were, how he didn't deserve such a pretty bestie to fuck so good, how he'd beg for you day after day if necessary.

Upon your highs wearing down, Chan managed to reposition you so you could lay next to him. (though almost entirely on top of him) He held you close to him, soft in the way he ran his fingers up and down the length of your arm, enjoying the goosebumps forming. His hand would eventually go over to your face and caress your cheek while his nose rubbed against your own. Treating you like a doll, Chan made you swoon yet again.

"I love you."

Then the world stopped.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it before. It wasn't just a crush. I'm in love with you. And ... and I want you to be mine. Will you be my girlfriend?"

It was all whispered against you, with a soft smile accompanying the whispered words.

"I love you too," the words left your mouth so naturally you were sure they'd been stuck there forever, "Yes, Channie. I'll be your girlfriend," you couldn't help but smile as you said those words.

"Fuck, thank God," he breathed out, hugging you to him, "I never would've gotten over you if you said no. The guys never would've heard the end of it."

He made you laugh, as per usual.

You knew things would only change for the better, so you weren't scared about the change in dynamic that was to come from letting Chan out of the friendzone. All you felt was excitement to finally be with him without guilt.

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content: established relationship, chan's pov, banter, smut, oral (m receiving), mentions of lingerie, teasing, dry humping, riding, etc.

wc: 695 (teaser); 1773 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

Chan had waited for this moment for years. The moment he finally had you all to himself and the moment that would start the rest of his life with you.

Sleeping with you last night had somehow surpassed his craziest of dreams – and he had dreamt about it a lot.

The feeling of your soft skin under his fingertips, the way you moaned against his mouth as his tongue suckled on yours, the sight of your bare body, the feeling of your hands caressing every inch of his body, the taste of your wet cunt ... fuck. He could go on forever reminiscing about you and how obsessed with your touch he had already become.

It had only been a bit over a day since he had woken up next to you on that couch. Granted, the sleep had been slightly uncomfortable, but he had gotten to feel your warm skin against his own as he slept, so it had been worth it.

After some sheepish reaffirmation of your feelings for one another, you had redressed and left the shared house, pinkies intertwined as you went home. Sadly, you had busy days, so you weren't able to see one another at all throughout the following 24 hours. But! You had agreed to see each other tonight for a quiet dinner at Chan's apartment – courtesy of Mingyu's cooking.

Opening the door to his apartment, Chan's chin practically hit the floor when he spotted you in that dress.

Chan had seen you in all types of getups throughout all his years of knowing you. He had obviously seen you in the prettiest of dresses, the tightest and most sinfully tailored pieces. But nothing compared to the pretty little thing you were currently donning.

It was a black slip dress. It wasn't too tight nor too loose. The fabric barely covered his favorite parts of your body, making him reminisce on how they looked without anything covering them at all. You were also shamelessly donning the few hickeys he had left on you just one day ago. Chan was convinced you'd been sent on this Earth to ruin him, to make him a shell of himself and rid him of any ability to act as a functional human being.

The dinner went quite well. You and Chan were far too used to each other for it to go anything but perfect. Your usual banter was present, though Chan now had the privilege of running his hand up and down any sliver of skin he could reach as you teased him about one thing or another. He enjoyed the innocent touches he could give you without any sense of guilt you might be taken by some loser who didn't deserve you. The right to touch you was now entirely reserved by him, just as it should've always been.

It was all perfectly innocent until it wasn't.

Eventually moving to the couch to entertain yourselves with some streaming service, you cuddled against each other. This was an ordinary occurrence between you even as friends. Sure, the cuddling was now a little extra close – with you practically sitting on his lap – but it wasn't anything too intimate so far.

It seemed like this wasn't enough for you, though. It didn't take you too long to move onto his lap, now sitting on top of him while his arms wrapped around your middle. Chan chose to just follow along with whatever position you wanted to cuddle in, just happy to be there at all. Your hands would play with his own, clearly not attentive to the movie at all.

Innocently at first, you rubbed your own hands up and down his arms. This later came to you leading his hands to rub up and down the expanse of your thighs, coming up high enough to lift up most of your skirt. This then evolved into you dipping one of his hands to rub against your panties.

Chan's eyes rolled back when he felt the warmth of your cunt under his hand, already moist and ready for him. You kept pressing his hand against you, so Chan took the hint to play with you.

...

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[zsupika]

Love and Deepspace x Reader

> general relationship headcanons

A/N: I've been in the lnd fandom for a few weeks now and I'm so obsessed of this game. Keep in mind these are just some random things that I have in mind when I think of them in a relationship.

>> My requests are open if you have any ideas!

Characters: Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel

Xavier

I imagine him as a very caring boyfriend

He'd listen to what you have to say and whenever you have something that troubles you, try and find a solution

His favorite sleeping position has got to be spooning you with him being the big spoon

He just loves to embrace you and know that you're safe in his arms

While laying like that he loves to breath in your scent

And while you're asleep, he plays with your hair and softly glides his fingers along your skin

It calms him down, especially after aonh day of fighting wanderers

He also likes to go on missions together with he

He won't admit it but whenever you get assigned with a different partner than him, he gets so jealous

He just loves to spend time with you

He's more a listener than a talker

Through the entire year he takes notes on the things that you mentioned you wanted to have

When your birthday comes up he buys all those things for you!!

Although he loves to spoil you on valentines day with flowers, chocolate and lots of kisses, he doesn't really see a point in the day specifically

He buys you flowers every once in a while and doesn't understand why there would have to be a whole day dedicated for it

But if you see it as important, he definitely puts up an effort to make you happy and see a smile on your face

He always blushes when you get him something in return!

He prefers to give, more that receive

He also makes sure that you're nicely relaxed after a mission

While you sit on your chair he might come up from behind and give you a soft shoulder massage and some neck kisses to ease your mind and body

I imagine him to smell like lavender and fresh laundry

His favorite drink has to be iced coffee and water

In winter he'll also drink a hit chocolate with you

He loves to add cute toppings and make it delicious

Zayne

As we all know he's a doctor and always very busy

You see him a lot less than you would the other two boys

He appreciates it when you come to the hospital and visit him on his breaks

You'd remind him to relax and take it easy every once in a while

It makes him smile to know that you care for him so much

Him not being able to see you as much makes him sad, so he tries to make the few dates that you go on extra special

He always consideres your wishes and does whatever you desire

You want to stay home with him and watch a movie? Sure, he'd love to. You want to go out to a fancy restaurant? Yeah, he's down.

He has a hard time expressing his emotions with his words, so he's definitely more of a "actions over words" kinda guy

His love language would equal to "acts of service" and "quality time"

His hugs and kisses feel very intimate, because it's his way of expressing his emotions to you

He adores the fact that you understand him so well and that you respect his boundaries

He's a morning person for sure

He likes black coffee

For you he always makes sure that you're healthy

Whenever you get a little sick, he's always worried about you and tries to prevent it with all that he can

It makes you chuckle how much he can get worked up over a little cold

Once you get better he makes sure that you stay healthy and happy

Rafayel

Starting of with a very basic headcanon but I think he'd paint you

But not in the way in which you might think

He wouldn't only paint full on portraits of you but he'd incorporate you into his art in a very different way

He'd draw the landscape of your favorite places

He would use your eye color as the background color of a beautiful still-life

You being around him would inspire him to draw freely without any restrictions

Your laugh would make him move his brush in the same rhythm

Sometimes he'd let you help him with a painting

He also loves to go and search for different ways to create paint with you and look for ingredients

I think even though he's very sassy and bold most of the time, when it comes to intimate moments he'd be rather shy

He blushes a lot!

And definitely has a hard time keeping eye contact with you in those moments

His kisses are more soft and caring than you might think at first

In my eyes he'd be the furthest thing from rough in any intimate situations

He holds you as if you were a fragile piece of glass that could break at any second

He feels like you're the only one who he can let his emotions out on, without feeling judged

Loves sleeping on top of you like a weighted blanket

Slightly snores but not very loud

It's more of a heavier breathing

As we know he's very ticklish

When you two are playfighting you can definitely take advantage of that

He'll be a whining and whimpering mess

Do with that what you want

[atomic--peach]

Her Grace's Handmaiden Pt 10.

(Sandor Clegane x Fem Reader x Cersei Lannister. SMUT: Domme Cersei, light knife play, fingering, bondage, light degradation, overstimulation, oral <male receiving>)

AO3 VERSION: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48276340

The day had finally come for you to return South and you were glad of it.

There was nothing worse, in your opinion, than being trapped in a clearly troubled place where there is nothing you can do to help.

Before you left, Theon Greyjoy stopped you. "Apologies, my lady. But, Lady Stark would like to have a word before you leave."

Catelyn Stark had holed herself up in main tower at her child's sick bed, never leaving as far as you knew.

You agreed, following the young man up the stairs and finding Lady Stark sitting in a worn wooden chair, hands clasped at her knees. She looked more ghost than woman.

"My Lady?" You breathed carefully, as if approaching a baby deer. "You sent for me?"

"Lady Clegane" Catelyn almost jumped when she saw you, as if she had forgotten summoning you at all, "Thank you Theon, you may go."

Left alone with Catelyn, you let your eyes wander the the little bundle in the middle of the bed. "How is he?"

"No change." Catelyn sighed, "but the Maesters say he is out of danger now"

She turned to you with sunken, sullen eyes. "I've asked you here to ask a favor."

"Anything, my lady" you nodded, feeling great pity for the woman before you.

"This will be my daughters' first trip south, away from home." Catelyn breathed, "Their father will be with them, and he is a good man, he is but...."

Fresh tears began to well up in her eyes and she wiped them away firmly.

"They've never been away from their mother before and I need...I am asking you to watch out for them, as if they were your daughters. Please, do this for me?"

"Oh of course, Lady Stark." You were relieved the assignment was so straight forward, "I will do everything I can."

You weren't expecting the sudden onslaught of physical contact as Lady Stark wrapped her arms around your neck.

"Oh thank you!" She sobbed, "thank you, thank you."

You nodded and waited for her to let go before clearing your throat. "Forgive me, Lady Stark. But I must go before they leave without me."

"Of course" she pulled away, face once again wet with tears, "go, go. You mustn't keep them waiting"

You gripped her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze, "my prayers will be with you, Lady Stark"

---------

"What did she want?" Sandor grumbled, annoyed you had left him holding your mare's reigns to wait for you.

"She asked me to keep an eye on her girls." You sighed, "that poor woman, she looked closer to the grave than her son."

"It doesn't feel right" Sandor mounted Stranger as you pulled the mare up beside him. "Give me a good, clean death. I wouldn't want to get stuck between."

"Ugh" you pulled a face, "I don't want to think of you dying. There's been enough unpleasantness these last few weeks. I'm just glad to be going home."

Sandor didn't say anything, not wanting to point out that all that likely waited for you in Kings Landing were bitter nobles and nasty rumors about the upstart handmaiden who had slept her way into the Queen's Court.

He knew there was very little he could do to shield you from that. His speciality was in the feild and the fighting pits, with his sword or his fists. The gentry was an entirely different beast.

Part of him wanted to ship you off to the Westerlands to Clegane Keep. It was a generous bit of land gifted to his grandfather by the Lannisters, and had plenty of forest and farms to draw a profit from if you actually bothered to maintain it.

But the queen would never allow it, and a part of himself wouldn't either. Away from him meant closer to something else. Brigands, lustful lords, and worst of all, Gregor.

Sandor knew that at some point, some point uncomfortably soon, you would have to formally meet your new brother by law. Gregor was more beast than man, never sticking around court too long lest he find some stuck up noble to decapitate or unlucky lady to rape.

How would Gregor react to his younger brother marrying before he did? Probably producing a Clegane heir before he did? Would he see it as a challenge to his seat?

Sandor prayed he didn't.

But he didn't bring this up, not to you. Instead he rode in comfortable silence beside you, keeping an eye out for Prince Joffrey, who was probably being held hostage by his lioness mother trying to woo Lady Sansa.

That poor kid, he thought, that family was going to eat her alive.

___________

At dusk, you had come to an inn and thanked the gods for it. Who knew just a few weeks at Winterfell would soften your legs so much.

"Ow," you hissed as the chaffed flesh of your thighs touched. "Dammit"

"Sore?" Sandor smirked, his thighs of iron practically impervious to riding sores. "Perhaps you need something between them to make you feel better"

"You offering?" You challenged him with a teasing smile.

"Run along" the not-knight pulled down your hood and kissed the top of your head, "you queen wants you."

Cersei smiled as you approached the royal carriage. "Lady Clegane, come sit with us" she reached out to you and you took her hand carefully as you climbed into the carriage.

Inside was Lady Sansa and Princess Marcella who had been chatting like eager birds.

"You remember Lady Sansa?"

"Of course" you nodded to the spry 12 year old who nodded back politely. "How is the travel treating you so far?"

"I've never been so far from home before." Sansa confessed, "it's thrilling"

"I hadn't traveled much before this either" you agreed. "But this Northern countryside is just heavenly. So quiet."

"You must be exhausted, my darling" Cersei fussed "all that time on that beast, you must join me in the carriage at least once"

"I will try to tear myself away, your grace" you promised almost teasing, relaxing as the queen linked her arm in yours.

"You, guard." The queen swiftly called to random servant, "find the Hound and tell him Lady Clegane will be spending the evening with the Queen and not to worry." She glanced at you, eyes tracking your form like a wild cat, "She will be very well taken care of"

"At once, your grace" the servant scurried away and you smiled shyly.

"The king will not mind?" You whispered, unsure how much could be said in front of the younger girls.

"His Grace is busy orientating his new Hand" Cersei assured you, "trust me, he won't even notice. Now-" she raised her voice, indicating they no longer needed to talk in circles around Sansa and Marcella.

"I sent a raven to my dressmaker while we were in Winterfell and bless him, he was able to get a response back to me before we left. If we take your measurements and sent them to Kings Landing tonight, he should have some gowns ready for you upon our arrival. Any alterations needed can be done when we get there."

"Wow" you were awestruck at the efficiency. If left to your own devices you wouldn't have known where to begin. "I can not thank you enough, your grace."

"Nonsense" Cersei moved to leave the carriage, trailing you and the girls behind her like ducklings. "I will not have you looking any less than your best when you're received. Marcella, why don't you run along and find your Septa, I'm sure you have some lessons to go over. And Sansa, isn't you sister around here somewhere?"

The girls dutifully fled as Cersei's arm went from your elbow to your waist, "and you, Lady Clegane" she breathed, "will take me up to my room"

The innkeep had set aside the two largest rooms in the inn for the King and Queen. Cersei's room contained a large 4 poster bed, a writing desk, full length mirror edged in carved oak, and a fireplace.

"Have you ever had your measurements taken?"

"No" you swallowed, knowing damn well that wasn't why she'd stolen you away for the evening.

"Stand up straight" Cersei pulled a measuring tape from her bags. "Arms at your sides, there's a lamb"

The Queen's breath warmed the back of your neck as she measured your legs, your waist and bust, and your arms finger tip to finger tip.

For a moment you thought you had fooled yourself. She hadn't called you up here for anything more than measurements, that was all.

Your skin prickled as the leather measuring tape brushed your throat suddenly, unsure when it had even gotten there. The strap pressed against your windpipe lightly, not enough to restrict you but enough to threaten.

"Put your arms behind your back" Cersei purred into your ear, nipping gently at the lobe until you obeyed. You felt the thin leather wrap around your right wrist, then your left before they were pulled together tightly.

"I want to tell you a story" Cersei's hands fell to your hips, guiding you to the full length mirror. Her chin rested on your shoulder thoughtfully, running her hands up and down your body.

"When I was a little girl, I had a doll. Well, actually, I had a great many dolls. But one doll in particular was my favorite. I thought she was the most beautiful doll in the world."

As the story began, you watched in amazement as her elegant hands cupped your breasts and rubbed tender circles on your hips. It was like they moved on their own, Cersei fully engrossed in her own story and letting her hands grope and feel as they pleased.

"I took that doll with me everywhere I went. I brushed her hair, made sure all her dresses were clean and beautiful. When her paint chipped, I made my father's craftsmen repaint her as if nothing had happened"

Her hands found your clothes nipples now, rubbing her thumbs over them until the hardened and ached.

"Then, one day, my father informed me that I had grown to old for dolls. He made me throw her away with all her beautiful dressed, and I cried and protested but in the end the doll was gone." Cersei's hands came back to your shoulders, hugging you to her in a surprisingly tender embrace. She kissed down your next and back up again until she reached the shell of your ear.

"But now, my doll has come back to me, hasn't she?"

"I- yes, my queen" you agreed, not fully understanding but playing along.

"Hmmm" she cooed and looked you up and down in the mirror, pulling at your riding gown critically. "I don't like this dress on my doll."

You gasped as the skirt of your dress was sliced down the back. "Your Grace!"

"Shhh sh sh." Cersei hushed you, fingering the small blade she kept hidden in her sleeves, flashing the blade at you in the light. "Don't flinch now, I don't want to knick you"

You tried to keep as still as can be as the sound of blade cutting through wool filled the room and more and more of your body was exposed to the cool air. You jumped when the knife ripped open your bodice, earning you a sharp slap on the tit that stung wonderfully.

"Now look" Cersei forced you to look back into the mirror, hands once again traveling up and down your now exposed flesh. "Isn't that so much better?"

"Y-Yes, your grace" you closed your eyes to the slight but Cersei bit into your shoulder.

"Keep looking" she hissed, cupping your bare breast in both her hands and making you watch as she pinched and pulled your sensitive nipples.

Once a hot flush had filled your face and chest, Cersei pushed your legs apart with a growl. "Let me see" she taunted, slipping a hand down your back, affectionately toying with your bound wrists before you saw her clever hand appear between your legs in the mirror.

She stroked your folds softly, reveling in how quickly you got wet for her.

"When I do this" she stared into your eyes through the mirror, "I want you watching. I want you to see how beautiful you look getting fucked. If you stop watching, or if you close your eyes, I will punish you. Are we clear?"

"Yes, my queen" you were trembling by now, desperate for her to touch you and oddly intrigued by your own reflection.

The queens graceful fingers wasted no time dipping between your wet folds, gathering your wetness before slipping up to rub your clit. It was an usual experience, being forced to stand, forcing your knees not to buckle as she pinched the nub between two fingers and rubbed in circles.

"Eyes open" Cersei cracked her free hand against your ass and your eyes shot open instantly.

Once your knees were buckling, Cersei slipped three fingers inside of you. The intrusion almost made you double over, if she hadn't caught you by the hair and kept you standing.

"Remember to keep quiet this time sweetling," Cersei chuckled into your ear as you bit your lip to keep the moans from spilling out. "That's right, good girl."

The sting from your scalp meeting the relentless pleasure between your legs had you struggling to keep from falling off the edge, but you didn't. You wanted to keep going for as long as you could.

"My sweet girl, my little doll. I know your close" Cersei pressed, curling her fingers up into your g-spot. "You know, everyone had has the pleasure of watching that sweet little face of yours cum. Me, Jaime, your precious Hound."

She taunted you as you struggled against your bindings, the restraint becoming all too much.

"Everyone but you. Have you any idea how pretty you look, when your eyes roll back, sweating, flushed? It's fucking addictive."

The queen knew you were fighting it off, desperate to keep this going, to be the center of her frantic and cruelly pleasurable attentions.

"Stubborn little slut, aren't you?" she growled. "Fine then, you can't hold out forever"

The withdrawal of her hands felt like punishment and you sealed your mouth to muffle an involuntary sob that turned into a whine.

"Don't worry, doll." The queen dragged the chair from the writing desk to the mirror, pushing you down into it with a menacing grin

"You're not done until I say you're done"

--------------

It was the hour of the Rat when Sandor finally decided to look for you.

Neither you nor the queen had been to dinner, and you hadn't been seen for hours.

"I have an idea" Robert had grumbled, three sheets to the wind.

Approaching the highest floor of the inn, Sandor paused moment. It sounded like something had fallen with a dull thud.

Stripped of plate, he tried to be a quiet as possible as he drew closer. He didn't know why he had come, it's not like he didnt know what was going on behind that door.

Part of it, he presumed, tracked back to that night in camp when your cried of agony and pleasure had been the symphony of the night.

A siren's song.

He could hear that song again, but it was muffled now.

"Have you learned your lesson, sweetling?"

He strained to hear the response and sucked in a breath when the sound of flesh hitting flesh drew forth a drawn out moan.

"Too fucked out to answer? That's fine" The queen purred, "I wonder how your husband would feel seeing you like this? Blissed out, cunt swollen and drenched, ass bruised. Would he be disappointed by his little slut of a wife?"

The description alone has Sandor growing hard as his mind wandered.

"No, don't look so sad. I don't think so" Cersei's voice became something resembling encouraging. "I bet he'd find you just as beautiful as I do. Should we ask him? He's right outside."

Sandor's stomach dropped as the bedroom door squealed open and he stumbled back. Queen Cersei was draped only in a floor length silk robe, and from this angle it covered very little.

"Looking for your wife?"

The Hound's mouth went dry and silent as the queen chuckled at his embarrassment.

"Come along, she's right this way."

The queen had never really spoken to him before, let alone touched him, so it was strange when she grabbed his large hand with her lithe one and pulled him into the bedroom, closing the door firmly.

You were probably more beautiful now than he had ever seen you.

Laid out on the bed like a girl from the gods. Your arms stretched above your head and held in place by a leather strap exposed the whole of your body for his eyes to feast on. Your nipples were puffy and lightly bruised, shining with saliva to match the swollen lips of your cunt. Your eyes were screwed shut as if trying to block out everything in the world, trying to bring yourself back to earth, and your hair was fanned out in the pillows behind you like a halo.

"What do you think Clegane?" The queen prompted you. "Do you think she's had enough?"

He blinked hesitant, entirely unsure how to interact with the royal in this situation.

"Don't be shy" Cersei moved across the room, pouring herself a cup of wine then offering his some. He accepted.

She sat next to you on the bed, removing the bindings at your wrists and offering you a sip from her wine cup. "Darling? Your knight is here for you. He got worried, isn't that sweet?"

Your eyes settled on him over the rim of the cup and before he could argue you were pulling him by the hands towards the bed.

"Darling" you cooed into his ear. "Sweet husband. My love, please hold me" you begged him in a voice so sweet it would have killed him to deny you.

He swept you up carefully, melting as your curled your face into his chest sighing.

"One moment now" Cersei pulled a loose frock from a chest. "You can't very well walk her through the inn like that."

Carefully she helped you slip into the dress. It was as if you were drunk, only there was no smell of wine or beer on you. You stumbled occasionally, leaning on either your husband or your lover to catch yourself.

"Goodnight sweetling" Cersei killed your mouth firmly, then your forehead. "Go on now"

Clegane moved to pick you up again but as he bent down he froze. Cersei pressed her soft lips against his gently, almost chastely if he hadn't smelt the distinct scent of sex on her.

"Be good to her" she leaned into his ear, hand pressed against his shoulder, "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

By now you were able to walk, and the bliss filled fog that had clouded your mind was clearing.

"We should go" you urged them, pulling your shell shocked husband gently. "Before the king catches us"

"She's right" Cersei agreed, "a woman is one thing, but if Robert thinks I've pulled you into this that's all our heads"

Rushing out into the night, you gasped as Sandor pressed you against a wall when you turned the corner. His kiss was insistent and fierce, hands cupping your jaw firmly.

"Darling." You sighed into his mouth, "did you miss me that much?"

He breathed heavily, trying to figure out what to say. "Is it always like that?"

You laughed and shook your head "I think she was just in a really good mood"

"I may have to learn a thing or two from our queen" Sandor growled, "You looked like an angel laid out like that."

His hips pressed against you hard, grinding slightly and you smiled tiredly. "Darling, I dont think I have it in me to go again"

He grumbled in disappointment but moved to free you until your hands gripped his hips.

"But, my throat feels just fine"

[iheartgod175]

Some Quick Thoughts

--Sorry I've been on and off of here, everyone! Work's been crazy, and so has home life, but I'm starting to come out of the dreary tunnel now, meaning that I should be back on here a lot more often now.

--My writing motivation has been on and off for the last few weeks, mostly due to getting back to work after getting hit with the 'Rona (after my birthday, which was a double whammy). The project that I was working on before getting sick was The Zula Patrol: Dreamscape Crusade Remastered, but now it's shifted to a few other projects that I haven't worked on in years or are on hiatus. Those projects are Mirror, Mirror, and Sodor Magic Crusaders.

--I haven't really been into Thomas the Tank Engine in a hot minute, but I have kinda been into Nanoha again. And I'm about 45% through the actual sixteenth chapter, where things go wrong for multiple characters. I also had a cool idea to switch up how Emily is handled in this story, since I don't want it to be a total cut and paste from the canon events in Nanoha (the fic itself already plays fast and loose with canon as many Devices that appear later in the series appear in the first installment, Mid-Childa doesn't exist, and rather than the Jewel Seeds, we get the Book of Transformation).

I'm also doing a total readthrough of the story to get up to speed with what's going on, and the difference between my old writing style and my current writing style is like night and day, haha! I'm still planning on rewriting a few chapters to make things clearer and clean up any errors/descriptions. At least, until I decide to get the ball rolling on The REMAKE 1st. And while SRBA was unanimously the top pick for a DCR-style remaster, a few people wanted to see this project, too.

--Mirror, Mirror's fifth chapter is something I've been working on for the better part of two years. I'm raising the stakes here in this chapter! Like SMC, I'm about 40% done with this chapter; just adding a few points from ideas and brainstorms I had, and working off of that.

--Sheriff Callie's Wild West has also been tickling the brain a little. I've been trying to get to chapter 7 of You've Got My Attention for the longest, but everything I've tried has not worked. Yesterday, though, I had a little idea on what exactly happened in Callie's past that's made her so closed off on love and why what those criminals did crossed the line. I haven't even started on this chapter yet, though, so please don't rush my inbox with messages about when it'll be done!

--A huge thanks to the folks who have been reblogging my ZP stuff from last year, including all the ship art ^^ Actually, thanks to everyone who's been reblogging/liking my art. Especially the art that I did with Chuck E, because I was not expecting that kind of response. It really makes my day!

--I do have a mini art bomb coming soon. I've been drawing more and want to share what I've been working on!

--And last but not least, I will get to doing my Animation Bucket List soon, because reading through my old Netflix Bucket Lists made me realize that I missed doing 'em. And since I've seen a lot of anime since then, I really want to share what I liked, hated, and am ambivalent on.

[blaaamboozle]

Helloooo hi been a second sorry about that, I've been distracted with The Lost Boys hyperfixation I have and I've been making a little story about them, I also made them as ponies!! So ima post them probably later. And I've been playing Fallout 4 and Apex lol.

TW!! (Death and violence)

Anyway, here's is Aj and Pinkie! So their story is that Pinkie, Aj and Aj's family were Sweet Apple archers to celebrate Rainbow's welcome back to ponyville. Rainbow has been in the wonderbolt academy for a bit and today was the day that she was supposed to come back. But, they had a change of plans. An infected pony was running over to the farm, desperately trying to find help. Aj with her kind nature immediately tries to help the pony, taking them into a spare room into her house. Aj asked Pinkie to stay the night at the farm, noticing how sad she was that Rainbow didn't come today. Aj and Granny Smith were taking care of the infected pony, not knowing that the virus broke out. Granny was a little confused and worried, not knowing what this black substance was on the pony. Aj decided to tell her siblings and Pinkie not to disturbed the sick pony, also not wanting to get them sick. Later that night Aj woke up by screaming and wrestling. Aj quickly got up onto her hooves and ran down the hall, it was from the spare room. Once Aj got to the door, it was slightly open and she could hear crying and groaning. She opens the door and notices that the infected pony was bandaging on the wardrobe, trying to break it open. Aj tried to talk to the infected pony, but she didnt see until it turned around. It was disgusting, rotting from the inside out, and black liquid paint the fur of the pony and spread across the bed and walls. The cry yelled out for Aj, it was Apple bloom. Without thinking, Aj immediately tackled the infected pony. She moved the pony and herself away from the wardrobe so Apple bloom could get away. With all this commotion, Pinkie and Big Mac immediately ran out of their rooms and watched this infected pony and Apple Jack struggle. But what Aj didn't notice was that the way she tackled the pony broke her back leg. Besides, she was trying to stop that pony from biting her. Pinkie suddenly grabs the lamp that was on the nightstand and bashed the back of the pony's head, hearing a crack. The infected suddenly collapsed ontop of Aj, the black liquid slowly pouring out of the wound. Pinkie suddenly drops the lamp and began to panic before Big Mac quickly rushes over to Aj and the dead infected pony-

Aaaannnd that's all you get, for now of course hehe. I need to write out Pinkie's and Aj's side of the story a bit more detailed. But yeaaaah still working on thissss I have a few more survivors I need to do buuut I do have Discord, Fluttershy, and Rainbow done!! I just need to draw Rarity and a few other's!! Then I can finally work on the writing portion!! Pretty excited about that part!! But I might post some drawings not related to the infection au for a bit just because I want to take a very tiny little break from it, i just wanna draw something different you know? Might still be ponies however/pos.

[aboutcustardcreams]

Hiii! I watched Glass a few days ago and I decided to write something with Dr. Ellie Staple! It's nothing special, and maybe it's pretty rushed too, but I wanted to give it a try and here it is! I finally graduated so I have way more free time than before to think of plots and write down ideas. Hope you enjoy it <3

Embrace who you are

I have been sitting in this room for so long, I don't even remember what day is it. Hours flow quietly in their succession, always the same. I used to believe that being different was a blessing, but in this place it's nothing like that. I don't consider myself a superhero, although I possess some characteristics that have nothing to do with what's ordinary.

There must be something in my brain, she says. An episode of my past, a memory, a trauma that perhaps led me feeling numb in contact with fire. Not that I can do much in here. The medication and these restraint bracelets are weakening me day to day, and I'm honestly not even trying anymore to perform it because what's the point?

"Why are you doing this?", I ask her again, when comes in for the daily checkup. Her soft waves contour her face so graciously, I can't help but feel drawn to her, to those eyes that deep down appear to guard only light and kindness. However, was that the truth or just an infatuation of mine, considering the conditions she put me in?

"What do you mean, sweetheart?", her voice is laced with an innocence I stopped believing a few days ago. She is just trying to avoid the question, as always. I scoff lightly and bow my head focusing on my trembling hands, whose wrists have been handcuffed with a peculiar bracelet meant to keep all my abilities at bay. Initially I thought she cared about me, like truly. But now, I'm not sure anymore.

"I'm supposed to believe whatever you say without a fight—" I mumble tiredly, slowly meeting her confused frown. I'm so tired of being here, these four white walls are driving me crazy. I just want my life back. Doesn't she see that I'm struggling? She sighs and tilts her head to the side, a soft smile appears on her lips, "Sweetie, I—"

But I don't want to listen to those excuses anymore. "All your assumptions about what's real and what's not," I fix my gaze at the handcuffs, "and these, I'm sick of these! I feel like... suffocating," I swallow a lump in my throat, my voice comes out thinner but determined to make her understand that she was hurting me.

She smiles sadly at me, her eyebrows meet in a frown, "I know it seems brutal...", I chuckle bitterly, "Because it is!" I respond, letting out an exasperated grunt. She sees I'm fighting against my emotions, pushing past the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. She walks towards me, and for a moment, I see guilt flashing through her deep chocolate eyes. "Hey, hey...", I feel the mattress beneath me dip a bit as she takes a seat next to me.

On one side, I admire her like no other person I've ever laid my eyes on. There is something about her that hopelessly draws me closer. But there is also the other side that says— scream even to stay away. "I'm aware it's hard for you to comprehend, but I know what I'm doing. I specialize in people like you..."

Have you ever had that feeling about a person? Even when you know they are wrong, it feels like they are telling the truth, just because they firmly believe it is the truth. That's how Ellie was making me feel. She thinks she is helping me, failing to see my prospective. "People like me?," I look into her eyes with nothing but pure disbelief. A bitter chuckle escapes my mouth right after.

"Wait—", she sighs and reaches out a hand to touch me but I draw back before she can do it. "Do you hear yourself talking? There is nothing wrong with me," my lip quivers as I pronounce those words. I wonder what these handcuffs are made of to make my finger feel so numb and cold.

Ellie leans closer and lightly hushes me. Her long brown lashes well up with tears, tears that honestly I don't understand. Is she sad because she can't cure me? Is she discouraged because I refuse to listen to her? While busy asking myself what the reason of her distress may be, her hand gently cups my cheek. I squeeze my eyes shut, when her voice says my name with such a delicacy, I feel more vulnerable than ever. "You mastered a remarkable kindness, but it's just a camouflage."

If I looked at her now I'd see the hurt in her eyes. Her fingers tremble next to my skin. She inhales sharply and shakes her head at the same time, "No..." she voices out both exasperatedly and painfully, "You're so wrong," when her voice cracks a little, I look at her and say, "You keep telling me I'm wrong, but you never considered that you might be."

Her cheeks have reddened a bit, probably taken aback by my sudden outburst. A single tear slides down her face, while her bottom lip wobbles, causing me to feel guilty for whatever reason. "Your beliefs can put you in danger," she stutters for the first time feeling unconvinced of her own statement. It only makes the entire situation funnier to me.

"They are not beliefs and you know it! This is who I am," I voice out in a faint whisper. Tears spill from my eyes, because I'm so exhausted to be fed lies. I never called myself a superhero and if that's the title she fears so much, I'm willing to never use it. I'm just a girl that can evoke fire. I don't know myself how that's possible, but it's true. A part of me secretly hoped that Ellie would understand me, but I'm slowly losing faith.

When I was first met with those brown eyes I thought there was a chance for me to be understood and not condemned. I understand maybe it's fear what she feels. But I'm not a danger, I never was. After all, what harm have I done in life? I try to help those in need when I get the chance. Otherwise, I simply mind my business. I'm a normal person, regardless of the skills I possess. "I simply want to help you, make sure you don't get hurt..."

I scoff again, a bitter smile curve my lips, "By making me lose myself so that you're happy with your research?", "How does this make me happy exactly?", she quickly responds, gesturing animatedly. I raise an eyebrow at that. Is she pointing out the fact that I'm restrained? If yes, wouldn't it be easier to just let me go? "You did this to me," I state calmly, showing her my wrists.

Her chest rises and falls quicker, she opens her mouth to say something but she closes it again. I see her biting her tongue after, clearly in difficulty to express herself and make herself understood. I find myself even more confused because... are those irises moist with tears now? Is she about to cry? If so, maybe she does care? Or maybe she just finds me crazy and utterly beyond recovery.

"You're so focused on trying to get me to admit that I'm mentally sick, that you don't even see the person that I actually am," I see her posture change a bit when I pronounce these words. "That's not—", I keep her gaze, while I hesitantly draw my hands closer to hers. Despite the handcuffs, I can still move pretty freely, since they are not those bound to one another but they simply restrain my wrists. She looks at our fingers in trance as they almost touch. "Am I only an experiment to you? A task to complete so that you can level up?"

"N-no...," she looks heartbroken when she says that. Her voice never sounded so weak and guilty. It almost makes me feel bad for having said that. For a while I thought about believing her, admit to myself that having those abilities was more of an illness than a gift. That I maybe didn't feel pain, but I was actually hurting myself purposefully. And that it was better to be cured, but then, something snapped in me. Those were just lies.

"I don't see you that way. I never did. I do care about you." I sigh and angrily wipe my cheeks with the sleeves of my shirt, "Your actions tell me differently," I reply, averting my gaze towards that annoying pale wall, but only briefly cause lingering on it too long causes my eyes to itch and burn. "What do you want me to do?", that question surprises me. I mean, wasn't it obvious? I shake my handcuffs slightly as to point out the main reason of my distress.

"Freeing me from these would be a good start," I keep a sarcastic smile on my face. She takes a hesitant breath, her teeth nibbling her bottom lip that can't stop trembling, "Sweetheart...", she struggles, her eyes possess a fear of I don't know what, but it's crystal clear that it gnaws at her heart. "Please, Ellie. I'm not a danger," I plead.

Despite having been treated like this for weeks, I don't seek revenge or anything of the sort. I just want to be able to go back to my old life and get rid of these annoying handcuffs. "I want to believe you, I do", she insists, her voice trembling as she speaks, wavering with uncertainty. For the first time after a while I see a shift in her behavior. A determination that maybe will lead her to go against the protocol, "Then, what's stopping you?", I insist softly.

"Everything I've been taught...", she mutters to herself before looking at me again, "Look, I see the truth in your eyes," she admits, which makes me hope for a real change of events. "I'm just— I'm scared of the consequences. Not about what you would do once you're set free, but about the others— what if they find out and disagree with my decision? What if they come after you, manipulate and restrain you in ways I can't even imagine?"

I see her heart torn between duty and compassion. Love even, maybe. A soft smile tugs at my lips, maybe she does care about me after all. "I can handle myself. I can change city, I don't know, disappear if I have to... Anything is better than this. I don't want to spend eternity here, though your company makes it better," my attempts to be funny even in such situations sometimes astonishes me.

However, there is some truth in it. I like her. Maybe more than I should, as irrational as that sounds. Ellie's cheeks flush pink, an amused and quiet chuckle escapes her mouth right after, "You don't have to flatter me, sweetheart," I rapidly shake my head at that. I'm not trying to play with her, I really meant what I said. "I'm not," I state simply, hoping to let my honesty shine through. "Although, I wish we met in different circumstances," I mutter quietly, shrugging a bit.

"Me too...", she says, which leads me to snap my eyes open towards her. "For real?", her heart breaks at the uncertainty and vulnerability in my voice. Ellie simply nods at that, a thin and sad smiles graces upon her lips, while her hand reaches out to cup my cheek still wet and warm with tears. The pad of her finger delicately wipe a solitary tear that, without me knowing, just slipped from my eye. I'm so vulnerable to affection, I feel myself blushing.

I didn't know that but Ellie had spent so long to try and suppress her mixed feeling towards me, burying them beneath the weight of her responsibilities as doctor. Her fingers keep brushing against my paled cheek as she ponders on her next words carefully, "I'm so sorry," she whispers painfully, "Ellie...", I look for her eyes, that she voluntarily keeps down. "I'm sorry for making you doubt of yourself, for keeping you here—", shaking her head, she lets out a cry, "I want to help you, for real now."

With my eyes wide open, I breathe out, "Really?", tears brim in my eyes, as a glimmer of hope flick within them. "If it's the last thing I do" she confesses weakly, finally looking at me now. "This isn't your place." My heart flutters at her tone, I feel mixed feelings all of the sudden. I'm so excited to the possibility to put an end to all of this, "What will we do, then?"

What she does next completely astounds me. Her delicate fingers fumble as she struggles to unlock the handcuffs which have been secured with a code that only she knows. When a click follows, I finally feel cool air pass through my skin. I let out a relieved breath, while Ellie gasps in horror, noticing the red, raw marks etched into my wrists. "Oh my God, I'm.. I'm so sorry—", panic fills her voice as she shakily takes both my hands in hers, examining the seriousness of the injury.

"Don't be sorry, " I tell her with a reassuring smile, not wanting to add more weight on her shoulders. I feel so relieved, as if I'm starting breathing again. "No. I should have done better, I never meant to hurt you this way—", she takes a deep, shaky breath, her whole body trembling with remorse. She lightly massages my sore wrists, making me wince a bit. She stops, offering me another apologetic glance, "Can you feel your powers?", she asks, cupping my cheeks.

"Huh?", unsure if I have heard her right or not, she looks at me with conviction, tears filling her eyes. She nods her head and strokes my cheeks tenderly, "But... are you sure?", a reassuring smile tugs at Ellie's lips, "You need them to get out of here, don't you?", she grins through tears. I can't help but chuckle at that. The first liberating giggle in so long. "You're not afraid of me?", I need to make sure of this. I never mean to be a monster in her eyes.

As weird as it sounds, the last thing I wish for is for her to think ill of me. She simply shakes her head, her lips flatten in a thin line. Her eyes express me a weight of guilt and sorrow that tell me more than one hundred words. "I never was," her emotional confession makes my heart burst with joy. As I wriggle my fingers, slowly feeling my powers radiate through each fiber of my body once again, she gives me an encouraging squeeze on my shoulder.

I chuckle softly when dim flames start dancing in your hands, casting a warm glow in your face. Ellie can't help but look at me in awe. Her fear slowly melting away, replaced by a sense of wonder and admiration. "You were never a threat...", she mutters to herself, however loud enough for me to hear. A soft smile plays on my lips, as I look at her. When my gaze lingers on her eyes, the flames grow a little stronger.

Realizing that, I close my hands in fists and quickly and awkwardly apologize. She giggles at that and reaches out a hand to cup my chin, "You're extraordinary," she mutters, captivated by my gentle demeanor. A funny warmth fills my chest, when she asks, "Show me again. Show me who you are," her eyes lock with mine with nothing but love and conviction. I nod my head, a playful grin upon my features as I lean closer to her and whisper, "with immense pleasure."

[queen-scribbles]

ooooh, how about 15. "You definitely needed the sleep." for Ves/Kurt

Absolutely, and thank you for your patience <3 ---

invincible

For most of Vesper's life, Kurt had seemed invincible.

She knew he wasn't invulnerable; she was intimately familiar with his scars. She'd helped patch up the wounds responsible for a few of them, even. But ever since the day he walked into the D'Orsay estate to train her and Constantin, through their settling into life on Tir Fradi, nothing stopped him and very few things slowed him down. And while Vesper had scolded him about not taking enough time to heal or minimizing injuries, he was--damn him--usually right about things not being that bad.

Perhaps that was why he proved a fantastically awful patient when he actually got sick.

Vesper only caught it because he was burning up when he came to kiss her goodbye.

"I feel fine, Green Blood," he insisted when she tried to pull him back. And he looked fine. Perhaps a trifle paler than usual, but nothing to raise alarms. It took twenty minutes, the 'for me' card, and pointing out if he had something contagious he didn't want to spread it to the rest of the Guard, did he? for Kurt to finally relent. Vesper stayed home as well, despite his protests of not wanting to get her sick. She didn't trust his definition of taking it easy any more than she did his definition of not that bad. By the end of the day the signs were a little more apparent.

She spent two days fighting to convince him to stay in bed, to rest. And then the next two panicking when he stopped fighting her about it. His fever was worse, alternating with chills, as well as other symptoms Vesper couldn't map to any illness she knew from the Continent.

It wasn't the malichor, but that didn't stop her from having nightmares about her mother and Constantin. On the rare and brief occasions she dozed off.

"You look like a ghost, carants," Síora scolded when Vesper sought her advice.

"I'm fine," Vesper waved it off, rubbing her eyes. She took a deep breath. "I'm just worried about him...." She twisted a lock of hair absently around her finger as she explained the illness' symptoms and progression, hoping, maybe, it was something native Síora would recognize.

She did. The yecht fradi name was a bit much for Vesper to get her tongue around, but it was in essence a swamp fever. It tended to linger a week from the first symptom, though some cases were up to twice that. All but the very old, very young, or very frail tended to recover without lasting ill effects.

"And Kurt's none of those..." Vesper murmured, looking toward the half-open door to their room. She could see him dozing, wondered if he was awake enough to overhear.

"Indeed, he should be fine." Síora reached over, and it wasn't until her hand covered Vesper's that she realized she'd been picked a hangnail viciously enough to draw blood. "I know it is frightening, but from all I know of this illness, he will be alright. You need not worry too much." She squeezed Vesper's hand. "Or about yourself; having the bond seems to grant an immunity to this particular sickness. You and I have no fears, though the others should keep away for now."

Vesper nodded, gesturing toward the door. "Tell him that next time he's awake and not half-delirious with fever; the only thing he's worse about than staying in bed is letting me take care of him," she said with a shaky laugh.

"Do you want me to take a turn?"

"I couldn't ask that-" Vesper started to protest.

Síora shook her head. "You are both important to me, gred a síreís, both my carants. I know ways to ease the effects, and you need rest."

"But I won't," Vesper said. "The... the other times I've tried I just... I see my mother; as she was, with the malichor, crumbling to dust. I see... Constantin." She had to swallow around the lump of panic in her throat. "Twisted and turning until naught but a-a facsimile of a diseased tree remains. I know this is different, but..." She bit her lip. "We used to think Kurt was invincible, Constantin and I, when we were young. Nothing stopped him; not illness or injury or anything. He'd sometimes leave on Guard business for a day or so and come back with a new scar or willingness to go easy on training for the next few days. But he never stopped. The entire time I'm known him, Síora, nothing's stopped him. It drives me crazy sometimes that he doesn't seem to care about himself, even if some would call that level of dedication admirable. It just makes something like this even more stark."

"I understand," Síora said. "Let me help, Vesper. Try to get some rest, even if you think it futile. And we will do what we can to break this quickly, for both your sakes."

---

Much as Síora's aid--and reassurances--loosened the fist in her chest, Vesper couldn't bring herself to fully relax. Not yet. Not while Kurt was still pale as the sheets and damp with sweat and barely aware of her or Síora's presence.

It didn't help when his fever persisted past the week mark.

She said one to two weeks, Vesper reminded herself, running her fingers down the side of Kurt's face. He was still so hot, turning toward the coolness of her touch even in his sleep. And he's not having difficulty breathing or any of the other more dire symptoms. It'll be fine.

She ran her fingers through his hair and watched him breathe for a minute, the sheen of sweat pooling slightly around the scars that marked his shoulders. Vesper brushed it away with a cool cloth. "You're so stubborn it makes sense any illness that manages to take hold would have to be as well, I suppose," she murmured, bending to kiss his forehead.

It was certainly that; holding on for two more days before relinquishing its grip. Vesper, however, missed the moment they turned that corner because two days of no sleep following a week of hardly any finally caught up with her.

She drifted off perched on the edge of the bed, leaning back against the headboard with one leg trailing on the floor and her hand loosely resting atop Kurt's. She awoke to the wonderful and familiar sensation of his thumb rubbing the heel of her hand.

Vesper jolted further awake with a mumbled "sorry", heart thundering as she shifted to better face him, relishing the simple touch.

"For what?" Kurt rasped, his voice hoarse from disuse. "If I can trust my memory at all, you definitely needed the sleep."

"You aren't wrong, I just..." she leaned in to kiss his temple, "I was worried about you."

A faint smile tugged his lips. "Which I appreciate." He gingerly levered himself into a more sitting position even as Vesper squeezed his hand to convey he shouldn't push it. "But you need t' take care of yourself, too, Ves."

"I..." How did she explain it? The connections her mind had made, no matter how tenuous, the fear that gripped her, seeing him so sick. "I couldn't sleep anyway."

Kurt studied her a moment, his thumb still rubbing the heel of her hand. "How long...?"

"Just over a week," Vesper murmured.

Something flickered in his eyes. "Sorry I scared you so bad."

She tipped her head, unwilling to lie in denial. "I've never seen you get sick before," she said softly, studying him in turn. His color was better, shine of sweat gone, but there were still traces of gauntness that made it impossible to deny what happened. He still looked tired. She forced a smile and tried to joke. "I was starting to think illnesses were afraid of you, good captain."

Kurt snorted and ran his free hand over his hair. "Prob'ly because I haven't had worse than the sniffles in over a decade. Suppose I was due..."

"Oh, is that how it works?"

He gave a half-hearted shrug. " 'M just glad you didn't catch it; if you were in here half as much as it seemed."

"Oh, no worries on that front," Vesper said. He arched a brow in silent inquiry, so she elaborated, "Síora said it's a swamp-borne fever they see crop up this time of year. Sín ol menawí are immune."

"Guess that makes you lucky as well as sweet, Excellency," Kurt murmured, almost playful, but some rust still hanging on the words. He let go of her hand to reach up and trace her mark.

"Luckier that I still have you," she demurred. The risk may not have been that severe, but it had been extremely hard to keep that in mind. "I am sorry for dragging you on that mission to Védvílvie, exposing you to something Síora and I don't-"

"You say that like it was somewhere I didn't wanna go," he cut her off fondly, his thumb tracing her chin before he cupped her cheek. "Wherever you are is always where I'll want to be, my sweet Excellency, no matter the risk."

"You aren't always the only one who pays for that risk, though," Vesper pointed out, leaning into his touch. He was fine now, no matter how scared she'd been. He was. "And before you get any bright ideas, Captain, even if I get back to work, you need to stay right here and rest at least a couple more days." Don't need you relapsing.

"Though you might say that." He didn't seem as annoyed as she expected. "For the time being, though, you need to catch up on your rest as well, don't you?"

"Nicely maneuvered," Vesper chuckled. She leaned in to kiss him, then resumed their previous position, their shoulders now pressed together. She reached for his hand to intertwine their fingers, and Kurt tugged hers closer to kiss the knuckles before letting them settle.

They drifted off together, and the weight of his head on her shoulder gave Vesper the first clear sleep she'd had in over a week. He might not be invincible, but he was still here, and that was all she cared about.

[ben-marco]

Hello!

I wanted to ask if you have any tips for working with a few issues I'm having irt deprogramming.

With the point we're at, our highest ups have converted to the side of the system, but still fear reaccess by our abusers despite that not being possible (group has disbanded, leader moved away). How can we help with the remaining fear?

Another struggle, because the higher ups are no longer keeping everyone stringently separate, the lower gatekeepers are struggling to keep the "daytime" sidesystem away from front like they have been since discovery of our OEA background. It seems like it may be time to start trying to tell them what we remember, but we're afraid of overwhelming them. How do we start telling them without raising questions with answers they aren't ready for yet?

Thank you!

Hello anon.

I totally hear you. Higher-ups are tough. When I've been in similar situations, I have tried to orient them to the present as much as possible-- and in multiple ways. I had to invite one of them to join me at mealtimes (bonus points if he was willing to be around while I cooked whatever we were eating) to see that we can eat whatever we want now, and always have plenty of food. By taking part in meals and observing me while I cook, he learned that things are different for us now in these specific ways:

We live somewhere else, our kitchen is very different from the one that was in our childhood home

We are old enough to live on our own now

We are old enough to cook for ourselves

We eat what we want to eat, nothing that makes us sick, and the cabinets have plenty of what we need

It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, either. I found that this particular higher-up enjoyed chicken noodle soup from a can, for example. Sometimes it's the little things. You could also invite these parts to observe (or even take part) in other activities, like writing or drawing or collaging. Anything to show them that things are different these days.

You may find it helpful to keep an index card in your wallet (or in your journal, if you keep one) that states the current year, your current address, the group being disbanded and the leader having moved away, and any other information you think might be important or orienting. If you have a grounding box, you might also keep a copy of this information in there, too.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure I have advice for the second part, as this is something I struggle with myself-- the constant tug-of-war between day parts and night parts, and who knows what, and who believes what. However, I will advise you that no matter how hard you try to be tactful and gentle with revealing this information, there's always a chance that parts will deny it or be overwhelmed by it. That's just the nature of these kinds of disclosures. A trauma-informed therapist might be able to help smooth this over, but it will likely still be messy or difficult at times, just because of the nature of the information.

Wishing you and your parts all the best.

[mangodestroyer]

Not that I want to talk about it too much or anything, but now that I'm actually leaving retail for real (because I finally secured something else and can afford to leave), I'm kind of thinking a lot about how shitty this job actually is. And how I sort of just got used to it after a while.

I mean, first, there's the obvious of retail being a hella toxic environment. You're constantly facing the public, and have zero ways of standing up for yourself and avoiding it. Companies also push for you to reach extreme goals and push for workers to be super competitive over the metrics. All this micromanaging, as well as the bs from the customers, can easily cause co-workers to become burnt out and bitter. Leading to toxic work relationships as well.

Secondly, it's so much physical labor. And my job in particular also requires a high level of social intelligence. I mean, you have to actually SELL things to customers, on top of balancing a thousand different tasks (and completing them within a certain time frame while also putting out other people's fires). I mean, seriously. It's difficult to draw the energy to have a whole-ass sales pitch, individualized to the customer you're speaking to when you've been rushing to complete three projects.

It's also the scheduling. You can never have the same schedule every week. And the shifts are always all over the place. One week, you might have six four-hour shifts, the next week, you have an eight-hour shift where you work till nine at night, and then have another eight-hour shift the next day requiring you to come in at five or six in the morning. Maybe you worked nothing but evening shifts for the past three months. Now you're suddenly being scheduled morning shifts after you've gotten used to going to bed at four a.m. because you hate waiting to go to your job during the day. Maybe you're scheduled two 35-40 hour weeks because it's a very busy sales period and there is A LOT OF WORK TO DO. Then you're scheduled for nothing but 8 to 16-hour weeks and there's nothing to do/you have no money. You're scheduled for every weekend and holiday. You can no longer feel excited about those while everyone else is having a blast. In fact, you forgot that going to the store is something that people sometimes do for fun. If you ask to limit your hours and have certain times/days off, you'll get heckled for it. Sometimes, you're asked to cover shifts and people get annoyed if you decline. You're asked to find someone to cover your shift if you can't make it in. People get mad at you for being sick or for just wanting to use vacation days.

The pay. The pay is shit. All this for the lowest pay they think they can get away with giving people.

It is... exhausting! Even a simple four-hour shift leaves me feeling like I can't decompress. I have to take things to help me relax after work and to help me tolerate it the next day. Even then, I can't truly get myself to focus on my hobbies or anything. It's also made going to school difficult. It's so hard to think after being worked like that. Or to have the energy to stay on top of things. Also, I've gained weight since working this job. I was... 125 lbs when I started. I got all the way up to 165 lbs in three years and struggled to get down to 157 lbs these past few months. I feel like my stomach can't even digest a lot of food these days. Like, if I eat too much dairy or fruit or something, it feels like it just sits in my stomach for a long ass time until I get cramps and feel bloated. I never used to be like this. I also feel like I have more inflammation in general. And God forbid you have issues happening in your personal life. It makes all of this so much worse! Back when I was in a toxic relationship, I straight up wondered if I was developing b*polar/sch*zophrenia, d*mentia, or c*ncer. The stress was affecting me both physically and mentally THAT MUCH.

I spent three weeks away from my job a few months ago. I actually started feeling like I had some energy. I started feeling human again. It was pretty telling. Before then, I thought I'd finally gotten used to working that job and that maybe it wasn't so bad. Then I came back and was like, "Holy, fuck! This place is shit!" I started putting in job apps like my life depended on it for ANYTHING that wasn't retail or food service. ANYTHING. Even if I was underqualified.

And that's that. I will never do a low-paid customer service job again. If things ever get rough in the job market and I don't have a choice but to return to shitty work... I will literally do the actual SHITTY work of scrubbing toilets before I return to retail. I'm DONE.

[metalmewtwo-kxb]

Pokemon story/art/ask-blog for Benta the Mewtwo

Set in an apocalyptic future where most humans have disappeared and only pokemon remain. And the world is not as it had once been.

Benta, a pokemon who has existed for a long time now, has wandered the crumbling cities and empty roads looking for others who might share his ideals of rebuilding what is left of the world. Perhaps even track down the humans, if there are any left. However, the pokemon all seem to be at odds, more focused on hoarding land and food for survival. Many more are feral and vicious.

As others may find out, he is no ordinary mewtwo, and he might very well be the only one of his kind in a world full of ghosts. But is he the only wanderer? Or are there others?

And is it possible to save this future?

⚠️ Under Construction ⚠️

⚠️ Comic Pages 9-12 In Progress ⚠️

⛔️ NO NSFW ⛔️

General Itinerary (in no particular order) :

🧩 rp reply (if/when I have any)

- Thinking I'm gonna limit myself to one a day with these (or as often as I can manage) since I'm a very tired goose with limited internal motivation lol. I love role-playing! It just takes some thinking and energy. If I ever have more than one thread at a time, I'll make a weekly schedule 📅

✏️🖍 asks and/or art responses

- the art side of these can take anywhere from a day to a few days, depending on what I do exactly style/complexity-wise. Obviously can't do art replies all the time, but sometimes I could get inspired to do something other than text replies! 💕

🎨 comic art

- For the main story! The style for this is different and more uniform than what I'll be using for asks, so it definitely takes longer. I don't typically post until I'm done with a illustration/page set, so it can take a long heckin time. If one part one is 8 pages, I'd say it would clock in at two or three months before it's posted (as long as I'm not sick or somethn). I'm okay with posting peridoic snippet updates from my favorite panels though!

Temp. Edit: I've lowered the number of pages in each part to 4 since I need an easier goal to reach at a time. There's still 24 total! I just need simpler intervals. :T 🖼

Beyond this I have work and need me time, but always thank you, and I appreciate the interest! Benta is one of my comfort OCs so I'm treating this blog about the same. I want it to be a fun and cozy space while I build the apocalypse story lol.

#️⃣ tags

This is a list of tags to search on my blog for my art and writing (which will update as they come up):

- ;mun - my general babble, updates, and so on

- ;poké art - all posts involving pokemon sketches and drawings

- ;pokedex - posts pertaining to the story's pokemon and their lore. These pokemon are usually "new" species, not those that are already well known. However, sometimes special pokemon characters will make an appearance

- ;rp - written replies to roleplays. Kind of recommended since some lore will likely only appear in these, and they can be a fun read for those that like to do so (the rp partner's name will also be included in the post's tags) 👍

- ;response - ask responses! Chances are they contain art and scribbles. And maybe not, depends on how I feel

- Benta - self-explanatory, posts containing content of my mewtwo OC Benta (this does/should include roleplay threads and asks, so it's more generalized and not very concise)

- ;UntilTheEnd - the comic and main story for Benta and other characters that we'll meet along the way! (Set in an alternate universe, so don't expect very much anime/game continuity lol)

- ;drabbles and chapters - more written content that can either have something to do with an established AU or with context of the main story. Typically smaller snippets, but potentially a longer chapter set. I'm a faster writer than a drawer, but I enjoy both- so this is just another means of keeping up fun content 🫶

💬 About the mun:

Age: 28

Pronouns: she/her/they/them

Occupation: A menace to modern society :V *cough* artist/writer/author *cough*

Hobby: Literally just bothering my sister and siblings like a sneaky little gremlin.

Pokémun-sona: Zoromun. Info post -> here

More is tba!

Thank you for the visit, and have a wonderful day!

(main -> @ draconic-hydra )

[yaknowlikenyah]

hi I'm a faggy tgirl looking to get even more faggy after getting involved in my local punk scene. from one faggy trans person to the next do you have any advice for looking cool cuz all your outfits fucking rule. I've been buying lots of accessories these days and really wanna get snake bites + maybe a Medusa piercing. also you're really really hot

Okay, getting my ego out of the way, I’m incredibly hot and you should 50000% get piercings. I have never regretted my stake bites a day I’ve had them except the one time I did regret them cause it turns out if you have a food allergy you didn’t know about you find out very quickly when your lip swells up.

But I got you!! I can’t say this’ll be perfect advice cause a lot of the time I have no idea what I’m doing but let’s go. Advice under the cut.

OKAY. Welcome to the party. A lot of this advice will be scattered tips and tricks but we got this.

Fishnets

Fishnets are a magical, versatile thing, cheap, and a punk staple. Especially if your clothes have rips or tears they can show through, but just in general they tend to add a lot of visual interest.

They can be prone to tearing but if you’re going for a punk/emo aesthetic this isn’t a bad thing

In addition, if you layer two pairs of fishnets it makes REALLY cool patterns. You can experiment with the size of the fishnets you’re layering to get different visual effects.

Want a fishnet shirt? Just tear the crotch of your fishnets and cut holes in the ‘foot’ portion where you want your fingers to pop out. It WILL look sick but you may need to pin it to your pants if you don’t want em to look like a crop top.

Accessorizing!

You’ll have to excuse the mess in these, but accessories REALLY can make the fit. Collars, chains, cool bags, etc, they all do somethin’ for the outfit.

In addition, it helps to have a statement piece. In this case, it’s my massive fuck all boots but-

It can also be the jacket in a fit like this. You want something that draws the eye.

Balancing your fits

You’ve heard the “big shirt little pants vs big pants little shirt’ thing, but a lot of it is creating a visual balance between your top and bottom half. For an outfit to be visually pleasing, it helps to balance the points of interest. In this case, the first fit was super top heavy and I didn’t have my big fuckall boots to draw the eyes back down, so I swapped my pants and switched the top layer and collar to match

Color schemes!

So you may have noticed I don’t stray a ton from black/white/red when it comes to my more alt fits. That’s cause buying clothes and statement pieces is WAY easier if you’re constraining yourself to a color pallet that suits you. It does limit ya, but especially when you thrift a ton of your clothes you can save some money. I personally limit myself to two color schemes with some overlap. (And a few exceptions)

(Blue, Yellow, (Red,) Black, White)

It lets me change up the aesthetic if I want without needing a COMPLETELY separate closet.

Finally, I’m using this as an excuse to show off any outfits that I couldn’t fit cause they look cool as hell but you can see how it all applies

[suddencolds]

hii! your writing is really good Vincent is so cute when he's sick :') do you have a backstory for/ are these ocs based on anything? oh and ur snz spellings and illness descriptions are top notch btw!!

Hi anon!! Thank you so much for the kind words 😭💕 I think this is actually the first time anyone has complimented my snz spellings? I'm happy that you like them!!

do you have a backstory for/ are these ocs based on anything?

This is maybe kind of embarrassing, but to be honest, I truly just sat down and wrote part 1 of Fool Me Twice in 3 days last year, from 1/26-1/28. Yves and Vincent did not exist before that. (In fact, Yves actually had a different name for all of 24 hours before he was Yves, because I wanted their ship name to be a pun... but I can't say what it is, because I might die of embarrassment.)

I have so much respect for people who are able to draw up complex character sheets and fill out extensive lists of likes/dislikes/relationships/preferences/etc for their OCs - that has never been me. At the time, I was thinking like... fake dating is one of my guilty pleasures; I guess I'll just write something extremely trope-y and appealing to me and me alone 😭 and then I just posted it. It was truly one of the least agonizing, least self conscious things I've written, which is definitely a rarity for me. I was very shocked that people seemed interested in reading more at the time

Y & V didn't exist at all before pt 1 of FMT! So I guess that's to say they're not based off of anything except my desire to write one of my favorite tropes. There are certain things I also chose intentionally about them, because those things felt very personal to me, but this answer is already so long, so I won't go into specifics here.

But generally, I like to just write and let my characters surprise me instead of doing any sort of "legitimate" planning (which I know makes me sound like the most unqualified writer ever haha). I have virtually nothing planned aside from what you might've read already 🥹 But there are a few very crucial things that I do know that I don't want to say until they're officially revealed, because they are substantial, and because the story / character writing hinges upon them.

Thank you for the question!!! ❤️ (I was really excited to see this in my inbox when I snuck a peek at work haha)

[zephywolf0]

Very Long update!

hi to esteemed followers and (mostly) mutuals!

looks like i've done one of those things again where i leave my blog for months, convinced i'll never post anything again, only to return later with my art vastly improved. the only thing different this time is that i'm openly discussing it and not just quietly slipping an image onto someone's dash.

if you followed me for art - firstly, thank you kindly, secondly: how!? god some of this old stuff looks downright terrible!

and thirdly, you can expect at least some crumbs!.. unless i start forgetting to post again.

in my last personal update post i announced making this an "everything blog" which in hindsight was aributary because i still draw... mostly just greasers and psychobilly stuff with a few exceptions. i think when i posted that i was having one of my annual Vampire - the Masquerade fixations and expected most of my art to be centered around the game for much longer than it actually was. in the end, this remains The Blog of What I Was Gonna Draw Anyway.

i even actually got into making the comic i've been wanting to make forever (since like 2021 lol) and it's super exciting! i actually got the story kind of ironed out and i feel like i can maybe really stick to it this time? back then i constricted myself too much w composition and also just didn't have the skill to pull most of it off and now i actually can!!!!! i'm seriously surprisngly proud of myself! look at this compasion of march vs a few days ago!

march on the left new on the right lol

now into some actual personal stuff - mostly just because i seriously need to get this off my chest and for anyone interested in why i've been gone to get a little context, so tread the next couple paragraphs carefully as it is just a whole lot of complaining. unless you love reading internet strangers' woes it's not for you hahaha

things for me for the past couple of months aside from a few bright spots have been whatever the opposite of rock n' roll is (stand still and shuffle maybe.)

i graduated - obviously this was a lot of stress; i'm an animation major and crammed an about two and a half minute music video into a couple months, which was uhh hard. the band subsequently left me on read which i'm both mortified by and also can't blame them for cuz it did turn out ass. the entirety of my time after graduation was spent trying to find a job: as a non-citizen, getting into university didn't exactly seem in the books for me if i can't pay for it myself as i seriously didn't wanna put that additional stress on my parents. this was mostly fruitless as the job market is in the absolute crapper right now.

then i finally got covid after avoiding it for literally the entirely of the pandemic; the illness itself went surprisingly fine, but what came after is the actual disaster i live today. my immune system was completely destroyed and my chronic illnesses spiked. this caused me to lose the job that i did manage to get (let's go somehow below minimum wage!!!!) as i had an inflammation in my spine and was fired cuz i couldn't go into work.

right now my time is spent being sick ever since i got covid in august and also trying to get some documentation sorted. i need a citizenship and i need a disability status cuz if my health keeps on going this way i seriously can't see how i'll have a "real job" and even the measly hundred coin that the goverment can provide would be a massive help.

now this is where we circle back to one of the reasons this blog was started in the first place: being an immigrant really sucks! while yes, every day i'm grateful i'm here and not back there there are still some major fallbacks that can't exactly be ignored - mainly the fact that my current country may not want to let me in while my home country may not want to let me go. this is not something i have control over.

and speaking of my country, some big changes have been happening here that have definitely affected me hard. i mentioned in a previous textpost some long while ago that i'm no stranger to xenophobia and being stereotyped, and that has lately been blown way the hell out of proportion. PEOPLE ARE GETTING MEANER. PEOPLE ARE GETTING MORE CLOSE MINDED.

i don't really wanna disclose where i'm from in this post, i think i've mentioned it before, but if you're familiar you'll catch on.

yes, i understand this is an issue that affects all immigrants everywhere. yes i understand i'm super lucky to be where i am. but i am human and i can hurt and by god i am hurting right now. there's been a massive effort on my country's behalf to remove my first language from media; all schools that taught in my first language have been transformed to, well, not do that; there's a massive stained hole at the main train station where a sign in my first language was hanging. and i feel it. a child born here will no longer be of whatever family they belong to but they will be of the country and it hurts me.

again, i understand that this is a universal experience for migrants but to see it happen in real time is terrifying and absolutely discouraging. people see this change as a nice excuse to become absolutely horrible to those around them, and it's separating us instead of one country into two communities - "us" and "them," and i don't see the benefit. nobody i personally know sees the benefit, and yet somehow nobody who chooses to actually speak out on it seems to find this objectionable in any way at all - in fact, most outlets and spokespeople, whether they are from here or not, see this as a good thing, that those like me should just suck it up, "be more like them," that this is common sense. sure, in the vacuum of historic context, it might be, but we aren't living in history, we are living in the present and real people are affected and hurt by this. our great-great grandfathers don't give a shit. they're dead.

i'm alive and i breathe and i have a family i want to speak to and celebrate with in the way we are comfortable. i can keep moving, i can keep going, but i can't outrun my face which i feel gets more and more foreign the longer i look at it in the mirror.

all of the things above combined have been a massive strain on me psychologically and social media was seeeeeeriously the last thing on my mind. i gotta be honest i don't know WHAT force is holding me together rn but it's doing a damn good job because recently i actually started enjoying existence again. maybe it's cuz i learned not to be so depressed indoors; usually i couldn't go a few days without going outside without completely breaking down, but now sometimes i completely forget that going outside is something you Need To Do and just enjoy indoor hobbies. i know people usually say the opposite but i'm very sporty and active and enjoying being inside the whole day is kind of nuts. i've been loving my space more and more and i guess found a way to adapt my energetic nature to a constricting situation. i'm proud of myself for that too.

thanks for reading if you stuck it out this long and look forward to more drawings, hopefully.

[hanmi-xo]

Chapter 7: "I Have to See Her"

| Between Us | Chapter List | Previous | Next

------------------

| M I N G H A O |

It's been a week since I've heard from Dokyeom. Ever since the whole Lihua situation, he's been growing distant with me.

I was never one to reach out, and I knew if I did reach out to him, it certainly wouldn't be natural.

So the past few days for me have been work and painting. I did this on repeat. It's not because I entirely wanted to-

But it's because of Lihua.

I couldn't get her out of my head, and I needed something to distract me from her.

But I couldn't help and wonder what's she's been up to these past few days. If she's been eating well. If she still wonders about the painting.

If she still thinks of coming back to the museum. And if she would gaze at the painting as I did.

See the beauty of it and ask me about it.

But, would she even talk to me?

She was the first girl to consume my every thought, and I felt sick to my stomach, knowing I couldn't do anything about it.

"Get a grip," I mutter to myself. "You're at work."

It was past noon, and this whole shift felt like I was in autopilot mode. I just went with the motions of everything. Being a tour guide, talking to coworkers, etc.

But now that I was away from everyone, and I could catch my breath, here I was, standing in front of the very painting that seemed to draw me closer whenever it possibly can.

The white flower painting that brought Lihua's attention.

It remained hanging on the wall like an untouched relic. Its beauty was eternal, but its mystery was asking to be solved.

Maybe I could do more research on this. Possibly reach out to the client that sold me this?

My train of thought was interrupted.

I felt my phone vibrate.

I took out my phone from my pocket to see Seungcheol seeking my attention. I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but I responded to him since it seemed urgent.

Joshua?

As in, Lihua's ex?

I narrowed my brows at his name.

Why in the world would he be in town?

My thoughts went back to Lihua, and I found myself curious yet annoyed from this conversation.

I rolled my eyes at Seungcheol's messages.

I knew who Joshua was, but I was more interested in why that asshat was even back in town.

I played dumb. I didn't need him knowing what I knew.

I need him to give me more information.

Even if it pisses me off.

I decided not to respond to him after reading his last message.

It was stupid and annoying to look at.

I exited the messages I had with him and found myself looking for Joshua's social media account on social media.

I remember him being friends with Dokyeom and the others, but I never got to know the guy. I had different classes from him, and during lunch I never paid attention to him. He was more interested in talking about money and what not with his other friends.

Jeonghan and Seungkwan. The two guys that were always full of themselves. To think Dokyeom's ex bestfriend and Seungcheol's ex bestfriend became a trio with Youtuber wannabe Seungkwan.

Thank God I hardly knew them.

It didn't take long for me to find Joshua's social media account. I recalled Lihua talking about his modeling career and he was one of the top people to pop up as an emerging popular model.

The guy had so many photos of himself it was giving me an eyesore.

He had thousands of followers, but even so, what exactly was he posting to these thousands of people that has stirred up this commotion?

What has he done to make Dokyeom mad, and hurt Lihua?

I narrowed my brows.

What the hell am I looking at...

Why is he acting like Lihua and him are still in love? From what I know, she wants nothing to do with him.

I felt annoyed the more I looked at his posts. Each one was like a love message towards Lihua as if he's trying to win her over.

How long has this guy been doing this?

And Lihua has been dealing with this?

I scoffed.

This guy was more obsessive than in love. And for him to even send her flowers? Tag her in his posts? Exposing her private account and everything?

Model or not- this guy needs mental help. I don't blame Dokyeom punching him. Maybe if he does it again, he'll knock some sense into him. Or even better, he'll forget about Lihua if he gets a concussion.

What am I saying-

We need the police in this.

I had to contact Lihua. If Joshua's back in town, then he's bound to bother her again.

There's no way I'm letting a guy like that near her.

I have to see her.

---

| L I H U A |

My brother continued to message me while I ate my lunch alone at the counter island.

He was more protective than usual, and I wasn't surprised by his words.

I was ready to put my phone away. I didn't want to think about Joshua anymore.

It's been a week since he sent me that package and when I told Dokyeom about it, he immediately came over and got his agent to help him install cameras.

His agent, Mingyu, was not happy about it, but he did what he was told since he wanted to appease my brother.

Dokyeom was slowly growing in popularity with his songs that he was producing with his colleague and producer Jihoon. To lose someone like my brother in the industry, and much more in a music company, would be like losing a bag diamonds by being careless.

I don't recall ever calling him by his real name now that I think about it.

My brother wanted everyone to call him Dokyeom in high school since he wanted to use it as his stage name, and ever since then, it just clicked.

Lee Seokmin was nothing more than his childhood hidden behind his now signature name Dokyeom.

Joshua was the only one who would call him Seokmin though. It was his way of trying to show a clear closeness he had in friendship with him.

Afterall, he was friends with my brother since middle school.

But then again, Minghao also knew my brother during that time. I never got to meet him until high school since I was a grade lower so I never hung out with my brother and his friends.

Minghao...

I haven't spoken to him for awhile, and I did leave us on awkward terms.

With Joshua sending me random gifts and whatnot, I never really thought too much about Minghao.

He's probably at the museum doing work or something. In his own problemless world.

I sighed.

What was I thinking pouring out my thoughts and feelings towards him at the pier?

I placed my hands upon my face as I groaned with embarrassment. My voice vibrated through my palms as I tried to calm myself from my foolishness.

"Lihua, don't do that again," I scolded myself.

I felt my phone vibrate.

My train of thoughts ended by my phones notification.

Was it my brother again?

Or was it Joshua trying to send me follow requests?

He already tagged me in one of his posts and I've been getting random messages from strangers throughout the week all thanks to him.

I want to hide in a hole and never get out of it.

Why did my existence have to bother people so much?

Can I go back to the time nobody knew me except for the girls?

I looked down to my screen in fear of who could possible bother me at this hour. I know it can't be the girls since Ellis is at work and Fallon and Astrid are at school

I froze.

Minghao? Why in the world is he messaging me?

I wasn't sure what to say.

Did the others tell him about Joshua and his stupid antics?

I sighed.

Of course he would get his information that way.

Astrid and Seungcheol always spend time together. If there's drama, he's the first of the guys to know anything because of her.

But even so, it was strange messaging Minghao like this. I appreciate him caring about me, but it just felt odd knowing I'm getting comfort from him of all people at a time like this.

Isn't he at work?

He shouldn't have to worry about me because of Joshua.

I don't want to be a burden to him.

Him hating me is the last thing I need right now.

His type bubble appeared above his name, and he began to message about his concerns over me and my brother.

Minghao was being reasonable, yet reassuring. I felt the ends of my lips curl up at the end of his message.

Is Minghao like this with everyone?

Whatever the case was, I couldn't help but like his message.

I felt myself grow flustered. It was like a rush of nervousness yet excitement hit.

Like a leaf floating through the wind, the feeling took over me and I smiled like a child given a present.

Why did he seem to sincere?

Why does he care?

And why did he have to message me that?

It was like he was trying to enter my bubble without breaking the surface. He was being caring like how he was back at the pier.

I bit my lip.

I shouldn't be this happy reading his message.

He's Minghao. I shouldn't like him.

But, I wouldn't mind him coming over as a friend.

---

| M I N G H A O |

I wasn't sure what to do once I got to her house. I wasn't even sure if I should bring anything to cheer her up.

What if she ends up crying because of that asshole?

Or what if she's awkward me and I get the silent treatment?

What if there are other people there and it isn't just me? Will I have to sit there and wait for a moment to speak to her?

My hands were getting sweaty the more I thought about it.

But I wasn't going to be a coward and go back from my word.

Besides, I'm already in front of her door with flowers in my hand and ice cream.

My mom told me when I was younger that girls like these kinds of stuff. Something pretty and something sweet.

I took a deep breath.

I was ready to press the doorbell, but before I could reach the button, I heard footsteps shuffle towards the door along with the sound of smaller faster ones which I could only assume was a certain girl with a small dog.

The door slowly widened, opening the entrance to the home, but the first thing I was met with was a beautiful pair of brown eyes.

There she was.

The girl that consumed my brain like a cavity to my teeth.

Her hair was clipped up into a messy bun with her bangs framing her face. She wore a grey tank top with matching grey sweats. Behind her was her dog who seemed happy to see me.

He barked with excitement while Lihua remained gazing at me.

I've realized we both haven't greeted each other, and I found myself struggling to speech.

"Ehm," I tried to clear my throat.

I moved the flowers and ice cream towards her so she can see it in my hands.

She looked down at them before looking back at me. Her eyes grew wide.

Did she like them?

"I-I wasn't sure what to get you-" I stuttered like an idiot. "I thought that you might need ice cream or flowers or something..."

Why did I feel so nervous talking to her?

I watched her lips curl up before she moved her hands up to cover her laugh.

I clenched my jaw to stop myself from possibly smiling.

Why is she so cute?

I internally screamed in my mind.

Get a grip, Minghao. This is Lihua. A normal girl. Dokyeom's sister.

You can talk.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

SPEAK MINGHAO. JUST FUCKING TALK.

"Uhhh," I finally said.

I internally face palmed from my stupidity.

I closed my eyes ready for her to laugh. It's been more than a week since I last saw her and hear I am acting like a mime.

"Do you want to come in?" Her soft voice filled the air.

I watched as she grabbed the flowers and carton of ice cream from my hands.

I quickly wiped my sweaty hands to my sides.

"Yes," I finally spoke.

She smiled towards me before opening the door wider so I could come inside. She shut the door behind me, and even though I've been to her house before because of the party, it felt different knowing that the guys aren't with me.

Here I was, possibly alone with just Lihua and I.

I felt more nervous, but I tried to keep my composure. I looked at the staircase in wonder if her friends were home. I didn't see any other cars in the driveway, but then again, the house does have a garage.

"Minghao?" I heard Lihua call after me.

I didn't even realize she disappeared until I heard her voice in the distance. Was she in the kitchen?

"Yes?" I called out to her.

I took off my shoes and went after her voice. There she was, putting the flowers into a vase with water while the ice cream carton sat on the counter.

"The girls aren't home so you don't have to feel nervous," she tells me. "I know you don't like being around girls so you don't have to worry."

A rush of anxiety hit me.

So, I really am alone with her?

Why did that make me even more nervous!?

Her eyes met with mine, and I remained planted in my spot. She smiled brightly, and I felt my heart do flips.

"Thank you for the flowers and ice cream. It's been a while since anyone got me flowers," she says with a warm tone.

I felt the ends of my lip tug up but I stopped myself from smiling.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure what to bring you to cheer you up," I tell her.

She smiled at me again, and I felt myself grow more nervous the more she looked at me.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she says. "You being here is enough."

I felt myself unconsciously smile. Hearing her say that to me made me feel light as a feather.

When was the last time I appreciated a girl's compliment that wasn't my mothers?

I can't recall.

I made my way towards her. She finished fixing the flowers and tossed the trash that was left over before washing her hands. Her dog made his way past us and yawned. He disappeared past the corner, probably making his way to take his dog bed to take a nap.

It was quiet between Lihua and I for a moment.

Similar to when we went on a walk outside the museum the other week.

It was quiet, yet peaceful.

I stared at Lihua. She was wiping her hands before opening one of the top cabinets. She was trying to reach for bowls that were a little too deep in the cabinet. She was on her tiptoes, but her hands couldn't reach them due to her stature.

So I went behind her, and I helped her.

She turned around once I grabbed the bowls, and I found myself towering over her with our bodies close and face close in proximity.

We were close.

A little too close.

---

| A N O N Y M O U S |

My love...

She's still loves me right?

She has to. I gave everything away for her...

I did this for her. I left behind my career for her sake. I ignored Jeonghan and Seungkwan's words about you.

So why won't you respond to me?

I just wanna talk to you.

I just wanna see you.

"Lihua, are you home?" I whisper.

It looked just like the picture her friends posted when they were drunk out of their minds. The house was picture perfect. An image that came to life.

I smiled. They made my life a lot easier...

I wonder if she'll be happy to see me? Hopefully, she won't be too upset with what happened between us.

I love you Lihua.

I love you...

My eyes met with a certain vehicle, and all joy disappeared.

I never saw that car in the pictures...

So, who's car is that?

-----

SM Post:

Many people have posted...

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[annaraebananawriter]

For the angst drabbles (idk if you're still doing them) maybe Passive Nighty's ghost following Dream around? Sorry I don't really have any cool ideas...

Hey! Don't say that! I love this idea, and I know you have many other cool ideas. This idea is definitely one I've thought of before, and I even have a couple fanfic plot ideas lying down somewhere using it.

One involved Palette and him being the only one to see Passive Nightmare's spirit, and he decides to somehow give his uncle his body back and reunite him with his papa (Dream).

The other is similar, but involves the Bad Sanses and then finding Nightmare's crown, and Passive's ghost is attached to the crown, and so they have to catch this ghost up on things and keep it a secret from their boss and figure out how to take Passive to Dream without being killed along the way.

But that's enough about me (though if you want to hear more about these ideas, feel free to ask!). I did this prompt a little bit differently, but still the same type of deal. Also, Nightmare tells Dream a story in this one, which is The Happy Prince by Oscar Wilde, just so you know ahead of time.

Happy reading!!

~oOo~

It was raining again. It came down in sheets, the sky rumbling angrily and streaks of white light glowed for a second before fading back to black. Wind made the few trees left bend, a few of the weaker ones snapping in half and flying away to a better place.

Nightmare shifted away from the drops, more of a habit than anything else. In his transparent state, everything around him treated him like he was dead and buried, slipping straight through him.

He wasn't sure how long it had been since the incident. No matter how many times it snowed or rained or the sun shone, nothing changed. Nothing new grew. The land Mother was on was dead, frozen in time. The village was no better. He preferred to look the other way, however; you could only look at corpses and rubble for so long before you felt sick. Physically, he couldn't move very far, so the most he could do was stare at Mother's remains and mourn what could've been.

He looked away. Dream's pained expression, gray stone weathered overtop, bore into him, accusingly. Well, probably not accusing him, his brother was too kind for that, but he knew when he was at fault for something and since no one else was around, it was up to him to hold himself accountable.

It wasn't your fault, Dream would insist if he wasn't a statue. Stop blaming yourself, Nighty.

Nightmare shook his head. "It is my fault, though, Dream," he said, responding like his brother could hear him. "If I hadn't eaten that apple, none of this would've happened. The villagers would still be alive. You wouldn't be petrified. That...monster in my body wouldn't be doing who knows what to people."

If you hadn't, how long would it have been until you broke completely? Imaginary Dream murmured. Things might've been worse.

Nightmare frowned, drawing his knees close to his chest. No, that was too harsh. Too fast. Dream would've made sure he knew it wasn't his fault before suggesting alternative ways things could've happened. Wouldn't he?

If he's honest with himself, he'll admit that he didn't really know what Dream was thinking anymore, not recently, and that's including before the incident. He stopped being able to read his brother the longer he kept his secret of abuse. It's hard to pinpoint when exactly, but he remembered when he realized it, a horrid moment of clarity as he watched Dream talk about his day before going to bed.

He had watched his brother's smile and couldn't tell anymore whether it was real or not, if his tone was genuine. Zoning out, a voice whispered at the back of his head, furthering his distress.

When had Dream gotten so good at lying?

Another round of thunder shook things. Nightmare flinched, glancing up, feeling guilty as he looked back to Dream, remembering the first night they witnessed the sky get angry. Scared at first, he had quickly gotten used to it, curiosity over something new taking over, being replaced soon by worry as he looked over and saw how his brother cowered in fright, eyes wide.

Helpless, he tried to comfort him, but Dream stayed that way, fear coating him more than their blanket did. He had started telling a story to fill the silence as he thought, just a silly story of something that happened to him a couple days ago--exploring the forest and encountering a frog, examing it and noting his observations, only to eventually startle as the frog jumped on his skull, making him tip backward and fall in the river. He had been pulled out of his thoughts by a giggle, abruptly realizing his story had helped Dream forget about the storm for a bit.

The thunder had sounded again and Dream jumped, quieting. Nightmare had smiled, tugging him close. "Don't worry," he had said. "I'm right here. Nothing will happen as long as I'm here. Want to hear some more stories? I have lots of embarrassing moments I never told you about."

Dream had nodded, but quickly spoke before Nightmare could start another story. "And you'll be here forever?"

Nightmare blinked. "Of course! What brother would I be if I wasn't?"

"Promise?"

"I swear it." Nightmare had held up a pinky finger and hooked it around his brother's. "Now, as for a story...well, another time I was exploring the forest and..."

Since then, whenever there was a storm, Nightmare would cuddle Dream and tell him story after story until they both fell asleep. In the morning, the rain would be gone, dew lingering in the air, and they would splash in the puddles together and laugh. It was fun.

This should be no different.

But Dream was a statue right now. Nightmare had no physical form. He wasn't even sure if his brother would be able to see him. There's no way a silly story could help things. Still, he couldn't help imaging his brother cowering again, this time unable to move an inch, eyes trained on the sky. He couldn't even cover his ears to block out the sound.

Nightmare had to do something about that. He couldn't let his brother, imaginary or not, be scared like that.

He shifted until he was leaning against his brother's legs. "It's okay," he said, patting Dream's statue, hovering uncertainly over the hairline cracks around his waist. "I'm right here. I told you I wouldn't ever leave you and I intend to keep that promise. Tonight's story is a bit different than usual. I only read it recently myself. I thought it fit, though."

He might just be talking to himself. Maybe this was the first sign that he was cracking from being alone for so long. Maybe this was a bad idea, a waste of time. His brother was a statue, after all, and statues can't hear or talk or react in any way.

And yet, didn't the statue in the story had a conscious? Wasn't he alive?

"Our story starts in a kingdom. In this kingdom, a beautiful statue of a prince stands on a pedestal, gazing over his subjects. He's made of gold plating, shining jewels for eyes, and his sword. Everyone admires him. One day, the birds are meant to be migrating, winter fast approaching. One sparrow, however, seeks shelter at the prince's feet. He notices the prince is crying. He asks why and the prince explains that he is sad because of the suffering his poor subjects face."

If the Prince in the story was alive even though he was a statue, then why couldn't Dream be alive? Or, well, conscious, anyway. He knew his brother was alive. He wouldn't be here if he was dead.

If that was true, though, then he could imagine his brother relaxing as the story unfolded, calming down. He could imagine him closing his eyes and trying to sleep, focusing on his voice and letting the images free in his mind for his dreams to shape as they please.

"The prince asks the sparrow for a favor. He asks the bird to take the ruby from his statue and give it to a poor mother and child. And although the bird needs to fly south, already late, he agrees to help. The next night, the prince asks another favor. One of his sapphire eyes needs delivering to a poor writer. The sparrow is upset, not wanting to blind his new friend, but he agrees after the prince insists. The next night, the prince asks for his other eye to be delivered as well, this time to a poor girl."

He made a promise, after all. Nightmare will keep it, invisible or not. And if he can only provide stories for his brother to sleep to during thunderstorms, then...that's what he will do.

"The prince asks for the sparrow to take his gold plating and give it to the poor as well. Feeling sorrow for his prince, the sparrow cancels his plans to fly away and stays with his friend, being his eyes for him, and delivering his gold as instructed. The prince is blind. Seeing his riches are gone, the people of the kingdom call the prince ugly. Only the sparrow knows otherwise, that the prince's heart is pure. Unfortunately, not being meant for the cold, the sparrow dies from the cold, and shortly after the prince dies as well from a broken heart."

Because what else are brothers for?