#I've been in such an art block lately everything is hard so I had to fall back on ol' reliable-ianthe being gross

[homeofwyrm]

They are so them.

[hannieween]

closing night | backstage series | l.sm

He felt like home. Like coming home after a tiring day, you can finally relax and unwind. The comfort of his affectionate embrace is everything you've been longing for in the last few days.

♡︎ pairing: lee seokmin x afab!reader ♡︎ genre: fluff, smut mdni you'll get blocked ♡︎ aus: theatre performer seokmin, fake dating with benefits ♡︎ word count: 12.8k

↣ part 1, part 2, part 3, navi post

₊🎧: show me - devita | slow dance - shownu x hyungwon

₊ tagging: @aaniag @madein97line @cottoncheol ty ty ty ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ♡︎ ₊ nsfw tags under the cut

♡︎ warnings: swearing, pet names: noodle, baby (hers), smut with plot, soft dom seokmin, big dick seokmin, dirty talk, making out, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (m, f), swallowing, a bit of praise kink (f), a bit of hand kink. | again, this is not proofread so i apologise for any mistakes or inconsistencies

part 4

Three years before.

The gentle sounds of the nearby river flowing lulled you into a peaceful nap.

As you slowly woke up again, confused as to why you were in a park, you felt gentle fingers brush your hair. A warm voice singing a tune over and over again.

You were lying on the grass, your head resting on Seokmin's lap. Then you remembered that you were on the park with your friends to wind down after a long practice session for a course that was important to you.

There was a small mark on Seokmin's jeans where your drool had landed. Ashamed, you reincorporated in the grass, the back of your hand wiping away the drool on the corner of your mouth.

"I drooled on you," you muttered, feeling a bit groggy still.

"I know, I felt it. Disgusting," you heard him say with a chuckle.

You turned to see him. His dark brown hair was hiding beneath a green cap.

"Sorry," you mustered a shy smile.

"I'm only joking, noodle," he reassured.

You noticed that Soonyoung and Seungkwan were nowhere to be seen. And the sun was no longer at its highest point in the sky.

"How long did I sleep for?" you asked, fumbling on the grass for your phone.

"I don't know. You have a very deep sleep, though," he commented with a chuckle. "Some kids came here with loud speakers to do a dance challenge and you didn't even budge. Was funny."

Embarrassed, you found your phone in your backpack. "Haven't been sleeping lately. I've been pulling an all-nighter this week for finals."

You saw that it was already 4PM. So you had slept in Seokmin's lap for about 3 to 4 hours. You felt your heart drop.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" you asked, horrified that you had slept for hours on his lap.

His lips pressed in a small smile, he shrugged. "I thought you'd needed it," he went to grab his things, and stood up. "Hungry? D'you wanna go grab something to eat with me? I'm buying."

"I uh... thank you," he held out a hand to help you stand. "But I should go home. I have to keep studying," you muttered shyly, brushing the dirt and grass off your clothes.

Seokmin had been a very attentive friend lately. After months of you being in their friend group, you had grown really close to him. And besides letting you sleep on his lap for hours, he'd been making sure you eat, that you get home safe and sometimes he brings you coffee when he knows he'll find you in the library.

His usual response was that you had helped him a lot with homework and assessments at university, and that he felt the need to pay you back all the time. As much of his explanation was correct, you did not want to dig any further.

"That's okay," he shrugged again. "But you've been pushing yourself too hard lately. I don't want our noodle having a burn out for being an overachiever," he cooed, dropping an arm on your shoulders as you walked through the park, beside the river.

"It's this stupid art history final 'm worried about," you mumbled, trying not to think too much of his arm draped in your shoulders.

"Don't worry, noodle. It's just a test. It won't matter in a year, or in a month," he chanted carelessly.

"But–maybe you're right. But it matters to me now," you mentioned.

"I can help you study," he suggested, dropping his arm from your shoulders.

"The last time you helped me study you fell asleep in the library," you reminded him, but couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"And you let Soonyoung paint my face with your markers," he pouted. "You're right, I shouldn't help you."

You laughed, remembering the pictures of him asleep on the library with doodles on his face.

"We can grab milkshakes and you help me study for a bit. Fair trade?" you suggested.

"Or, I can help you study today and you come with me for the job fair next week," he countered.

"I'll go with you to the job fair either way, we don't have to trade that," you said.

Seokmin has been anxious about that job fair for weeks now. Apparently some theatre companies and different acting agencies will be there and he wanted to make some good impressions, but he couldn't do it alone.

"Promise you'll come with me?" he asked.

You suppressed a smile. "Sure."

He held up his pinky finger out to you and you scoffed, he held it closer between you, insisting. "You've been standing me up lately, don't wanna risk it."

You intertwined your pinky with his. "I promise."

"Good. Now, milkshakes..."

Your chuckle was interrupted by your phone buzzing in your pocket, pulling it out from your pocket you went to check it.

[4:19 PM] youngho ♡: bbgirl [4:19 PM] youngho ♡: wya? [4:20 PM] youngho ♡: i'm outside your building

"Oh, crap," you muttered, and Seokmin leaned to peek at your screen. "Sorry, can we move our study sesh to tomorrow? I totally forgot I had a date with Youngho."

Seokmin coughed, masking his chuckle. "Sure, I'm free tomorrow," he muttered awkwardly. "I thought you said you called it off with Youngho 'cause he was a mess."

"He is," you muttered. "I decided to give him a second chance."

"Why?" Seokmin's frown deepened.

You shrugged. "He's kinda cute. I don't know."

Seokmin snorted.

"What?" you asked, a shy smile appearing on your lips.

"Nothing, nothing," his smile faded as he looked at the ground while he walked beside you. "Can I ask you something?"

You were taken aback for a minute, seeing that Seokmin got serious all of a sudden. "Sure, what is it?"

He was biting his lower lip, looking at the sidewalk as you continued walking toward the bus stop. "Do you see this thing with Youngho going somewhere?"

"Oof. Don't know. Don't think so," you shrugged. "Maybe it's just a fling. Why?"

He bit his lower lip, looking a bit lost in thought. "Dunno. I was just thinking that's kind of difficult for me to date lately."

"That reminds me," you mentioned before crossing the street with him at your side. "Didn't you tell me you were going to ask Seoyeon out?"

"Who?" he muttered, his mouth pouting. He shook his head slightly. "Ah, yeah. I didn't."

"Why not?" you frowned. His face looked deep in thought.

"I forgot," he muttered.

You narrowed your eyes as you both waited for the bus for you. "Did you chicken out, Lee Seokmin?"

He smiled sheepishly. "No," he mumbled. "I just forgot."

"She thinks you're cute! You should get to know her," you landed soft slap on his shoulder. "She is nice. I like her."

"Maybe you should ask her out," he muttered, the tips of his ears bright red.

"That's not what I meant!" you whined. "Come on, Dk!"

"What if I don't like her at all? I want to ask someone I know I like," he murmured shyly.

The bus was approaching the stop. The screech of the brakes almost drowned out his voice, but you managed to catch his words.

"Then you should go ahead and do it," you replied simply with a smile. "That's me. I'll see you later, Dk!"

You waved goodbye as you boarded the bus, choosing a seat where you could still catch a glimpse of him. He smiled back at you, a bittersweet smile.

Present day.

It has been just a few days since you last saw Seokmin. But he's been living in your mind every day, making you miss him with every second that passed.

You attempted to maintain your daily routine, and keeping yourself occupied proved effective, for the most part. However, there were days when you felt terrible, and Seungkwan couldn't help but notice, persistently badgering you about it until your shift at the coffee shop concluded.

It was the last week of your season before the last night of show. It's been six weeks since you and Seokmin started fake dating. And four days since he called it off, confessing that he had broken the promise he made to you.

That promise meant that your fake relationship would be only just for fun. No real feelings.

You tried to keep your mind off the memory of him. You were in the middle of brewing coffee, since you haven't been sleeping well for the past few days.

The buzzing of your phone snapped you out of your train of thought.

[10:21 AM] soonie: i got the role [10:21 AM] soonie: ╥﹏╥ [10:22 AM] soonie: did u get the role too [10:27 AM] soonie: don't leave me on read

Those were the messages you had already read. Ignoring him was not always easy, given his insistence. However, his rapid-fire texts sometimes gave you a headache.

[10:40 AM] soonie: sigh [10:40 AM] you: i got the role too soonie [10:41 AM] soonie: we're kissing ig 🤮🤮 [10:41 AM] you: it's just 1 night every week, chill [10:41 AM] soonie: FOR 7 WEEKS [10:41 AM] you: it's just a simple kiss soonie [11:42 AM] soonie: WHAT WILL I SAY AT YOUR WEDDING FEAST [10:42 AM] soonie: scratch that [10:42 AM] soonie: how will i be able to look at dk in the eye after i kiss his girl ? [10:42 AM] soonie: 🤮

Soonyoung obviously didn't know that you and Seokmin weren't in a relationship, he didn't even know that it was all completely fake. You didn't know how he'd react. But you decided not to tell Soonyoung anything yet.

You got an email confirming you had gotten the role earlier in the morning. So you'll be Satine for 7 weeks. And not only that, you'll have to extensively prepare for the shows.

Now that the company recently acquired a bigger production team and acquired the permissions and rights to adapt more popular works into theatre, you had the opportunity to get bigger roles.

This was a big opportunity for you. It meant bigger audiences, larger shows, larger runs. Training, classes, reading, learning scripts, work, work, work.

But it was okay, you needed to be busy.

The reason why Soonyoung was freaking out was because you'll have to kiss him for one particular scene. From what you knew, it was a passionate kiss. But you two were actors, kissing people for a scene was normal.

When you kissed Seokmin for the first time, you were acting. You were pretending to be his girl for a night to make your friends see that you were over your ex.

But even going back to the memory, it wasn't like acting on a stage. You felt something. Whenever Seokmin touched you, kissed you, you felt things that you usually didn't feel on stage.

Did he feel the same things you did when you first kissed?

The mere recollection of him caused your body to ache, and you physically recoiled from the memory. This same feeling had been happening ever since Seokmin left your apartment that night he confessed his feelings for you.

Pain. Fear. Regret.

But you couldn't quite put your finger on why.

Seokmin was your best friend. He has been for years now and you were in the brink of losing him to your bad choices. You knew that having sex with him blurred the lines of your friendship with every encounter you had. But you didn't seem to care in that moment, now you regret it.

You never intended for this to go so far. In the beginning of it all, you just thought it was a fun little secret you had with Seokmin. A fake relationship between two friends who like to fuck. The first time you had sex with Seokmin, it was purely that. Just sex.

All because you wanted people to shut up about your cheating ex. You didn't even feel something for your ex anymore, so you didn't think that you were using Seokmin as a rebound. But it felt wrong.

So, it was a particular shitty day for you. You didn't even felt like celebrating the news of your new important role.

Later that day you had your shift. You dragged yourself to the coffee shop, when you arrived fifteen minutes late, you knew what would happen.

"There you are," Seungkwan said, putting his phone in his pocket. "I've been calling you. Are you okay?"

Your brow furrowed. "I'm fine, Boo," you searched your pockets. "I think I left my phone back in my apartment. Sorry."

He eyed you up and down for a second, a worried look on his face. "You look like shit."

You scoffed. "Thanks, man."

"I mean it. Are you sure you're okay?"

You rubbed your face with two hands. "I'm just tired, that's all."

He pursed his lips for a second. But decided to continue his task for the moment. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Boo, I'm fine," you insisted.

"I'm worried!" he exclaimed, annoyed now.

"Don't be," you muttered, taking your position at the cash machine. "'m fine."

You heard him scoff, but didn't say anything else anymore.

The shift was difficult. You didn't think of Seokmin for hours, but you felt the echoes of your worries affect you in other ways. You'd forget simple things, mix orders and make minor mistakes that cost you time.

It was starting to annoy you. This failure in your mind due to your stress from the idea of losing your best friend. He told you he wouldn't go anywhere. But what if he did? What if he backs out seeing your apparent indecisiveness?

The shift ended after long hours of you fucking up. Luckily no one told you anything, in fact, you felt a bit annoyed that no one said anything. Instead, your co-workers seemed to be giving you the pity treatment again. But now for a new reason unbeknownst to them since you weren't saying anything.

You just looked like you're close to breaking. You looked like you were holding back tears and you might as well be.

Keeping secrets could be like that–weighing heavy on the heart. You realized that there was nothing wrong with opening up about what had been tormenting you for days.

And you just needed to let it all out.

"Seungkwan," you muttered as you were closing the shop.

"Yes?" he lifted his gaze from his phone almost instantly.

"Can we talk?" you asked and your voice sounded small.

He put his phone in the pocket of his jacket. "What's wrong?" the tone of his voice was soft. So soft that you felt like breaking into tears.

The pavement where you were standing was empty and the streets equally desolate, except for the occasional passing car that interrupted the silence with the sound of tyres on the wet pavement. The night was still, as if it had fallen silent to listen to the words you were about to say.

"I fucked up," you muttered in a shaky tone. "With Seokmin."

His gaze softened and he gently pulled you into a warm embrace, his hand resting on your shoulder. It was at that moment that you could no longer contain your emotions. You broke down in tears for the first time since Seokmin left, tears ran down your face in his comforting embrace. It was an abrupt release, and the intensity of your tears took you by surprise, as if it was proof of the depth of your emotions and the relief of finally sharing your burden with your best friend.

Broken sobs were muffled in Seungkwan's shoulder as his hands caressed your back, soothing you. "That's it, let it all out," he hushed.

"I– I'm sorry Boo," you sobbed.

"Why? What happened?" he asked, still in a soft tone.

"I lied to you. We never had a relationship. It was all fake," you mumbled, trying to get the words out as fast as you could, cringing with every single one of them.

"What?" his hands on your shoulders pulled you from the embrace. "Why?"

You wiped your face off your tears. "It was a stupid thing we came up with on the opening night. We pretended to be a thing, but we messed it up."

His eyes unfocused from yours, his mouth parting a bit. "Ah, I see. I knew there was something off," his brow furrowed, eyes locking on yours again. "But why lie? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was tired of people asking me about Youngho, I just wanted to make it stop," you sobbed.

"Why not just tell me to stop asking?" he shook his head and blinked rapidly. "Fuck, I know you did tell me, forget I asked that. But, why did you say you fucked it up?"

"We had sex," you mumbled shyly. "A lot."

He cringed visibly. "Right. That I did know," his brow furrowed. "But you made it seem like it was normal."

"We promised it would only be that, a no strings attached thing. No feelings, we would remain as friends only."

Seungkwan listened intently, but you saw something in his face that he could tell where the story was going.

You inhaled deeply, trying to calm yourself down but the tears wouldn't stop coming. "Seokmin called it off last saturday," you mumbled.

"Let me guess, he's looking for something serious," he inferred, nodding at your reaction. "And you don't want that?"

"That's what I don't know," you sighed. "I can't deny my feelings for him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that step."

"Why's that?" he ask, a genuine curiosity in his voice. "Didn't you just said you had moved on from your ex?"

"I have moved on," you insisted. You paused, your thoughts gathering as you considered your response. "It's not about my ex. It's about me. I don't know if I'm truly ready for something more with Seokmin."

He nodded, seeming understanding. "I get it. It's important to be sure of what you want. But I thought you really liked him. You seemed really happy with Seokmin."

Your heart twinged with pain. "I do like him, Kwannie. I really do and it drives me crazy," you shuddered. "What if I fuck this up again? I don't want to lose him."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. "You're annoying. You won't fuck this up, you know why?"

Your best friend wasn't really annoyed, but he looked like he wanted to whack you in the head.

"Why?" your voice still sounded small.

"Because you love him. You won't fuck it up. You're just scared and that's completely okay. It's human," he shrugged and patted you in the back.

You didn't stop at the word again, but it did had an effect on you. Love.

"God, I hate when you're right," you sniffed, wiping your face with the sleeve of your sweater.

"You're not off the hook yet. You did lie to me, for weeks," he pointed a finger to your face. "There will be repercussions."

You laughed at his fake-serious expression. "I wouldn't expect any less from you, Kwannie."

"Are we going home now?" he asked, motioning to walk toward the street.

"I'm taking a detour, is that okay?" you turned to the other direction from where Seungkwan was motioning.

To where Seokmin lives.

His shoulders slumped down a bit. "Right. Keep me updated!" he said, pulling you into a last hug. "For real this time."

"Yeah, for real this time," you hugged him tightly and pulled away.

You knew where Seokmin lived, since you all had a group chat where you shared your address, so you had learned your best friends' addresses and you all lived within a 6km radius.

Seokmin lived in a building that was the farthest, and the fanciest. He apparently had found a great deal with one of his closest friends. This 'deal' was that the building was directly across a large LED Samsung billboard that pointed directly to his and his roommate's bedroom windows.

You got in to his apartment door, a strange reassuring feeling filled you as you rang his doorbell.

For a moment you thought you might've rung the wrong door. You glanced at the number before the door and then the man that was opening the door.

"Oh, hi. You must be Seokmin's roommate?"

A tall man of deep black hair nodded, flashing a polite smile at you. "I'm Joshua. You're looking for him?"

You nodded once, then you started feeling really nervous.

"Sorry. He flew to visit his family a couple of days ago. Might come back on friday," his brow furrowed. "Do you want me to tell him you stopped by?"

Your heartbeat faltered for a second. "Uh, no, it's okay. I just wanted to tell him something."

Joshua grinned, one of his eyebrows–which was pierced, arched up. "You could've texted him. Save you the walk all the way here."

"Didn't bring a phone," you mumbled, feeling deeply embarrassed.

You felt like you could use a hug. You were feeling a bit like something's missing, like you're not entirely alone but you were. And a hug would help.

His big curious eyes studied you for a second, his grin vanished and his hand moved from the doorframe. "You okay there? D'you need to come inside? I can get him on the phone if you want."

"'m fine," you brushed off. "Thank you, though."

There followed a quiet moment between Seokmin's roommate and you. It was really brief, but it gave you time to eye behind him, toward the interior of the apartment where you caught a glimpse of Seokmin's denim jacket.

You might be going insane, because the first thought you had was to ask Joshua if he could give you Seokmin's jacket. Anything close to him would work.

Joshua gave you a knowing look. "You're her, right? The girl Dk's been seeing lately."

You shook your head. "Not anymore, at least."

He rolled his big eyes. "You theatre kids can be dramatic," he smiled. "If it's any comfort, Dk's been a soppy mess too."

"Oof, that is really comforting," you chuckled ironically. "I'll be going now. Thank you for the comforting words, though."

Joshua smirked playfully. "Anytime," he nodded with his head once. "Get home safe!"

"Thanks," you waved at him and walked towards the elevator.

The closing night of a show can stir up a lot of emotions. After performing for five weeks straight, you had grown fond of your newfound routine.

And you were excited for the next show, too. But right now you couldn't focus on anything else but this night. It marked something special in you.

You had started this season feeling lost. Wandering in the dark not knowing how to navigate in your own body after your life was changed upside down.

A lot of things happened during this season.

Even now, you still didn't know how to deal with the pre-show jitters, as you called them. You were bouncing on your feet, pacing back and forth in a hallway that led to the emergency exit. Your makeup and hair were already done, after weeks of doing it yourself, you had mastered doing them in under ten minutes now.

So you were just dealing with the emotions before the show, listening the chaos that happened every time before a show. Some dancers were late, and apparently there was something wrong with the sound system but those problems usually would be solved the moment the show started.

All you needed to do was relax. You knew your lines, you knew your queues. Why were you so nervous?

You knew it had something to do with your mood lately. You weren't as bad as when you started this season, you felt different. But still, you felt like you still needed a hug.

The side of hallway you were hiding at was deserted, you actually had to take a turn to the right to return to the dressing rooms so no one really knew you were here. You leaned back in the wall of the hallway and looked at the ceiling for a moment, you felt a bit dazed.

You sighed heavily.

Your phone buzzed in the pocket of your dress. Reluctant, you fished it out and at glancing at it, immediately your attention was caught.

It was Seokmin.

[7:41 PM] seokminnie: noodle where r u [7:41 PM] you: working. u? [7:41 PM] seokminnie: i know you're working [7:41 PM] seokminnie: i'm here [7:42 PM] seokminnie: you're not backstage?

He's here. Your heart stopped.

[7:42 PM] you: why r u here? [7:43 PM] you: ??

No reply. You stared at your phone screen for what felt like forever, but Seokmin went offline.

You thought of searching for him and just as you were raising your head from your phone, you saw Seokmin turning on the hallway, as if knowing already that he'd find you here.

Your heart raced so fast you lost the ability to speak for a second. You hated it. Hated that you felt so much that you couldn't even utter a single word.

The first thing you noticed about him was that he had dyed his hair again. His hair was now styled in a rich, deep shade of black that matched his sweet chocolate brown eyes.

He smiled softly, the dimples beneath his mouth showed and you knew you were done for.

"Hi, noodle," he mumbled.

A shudder went down your spine. "Hi, Seokmin," you swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

Then you practically leaped into his arms, and he welcomed you right in. His arms encircled your body as a sigh was muffled in the crook of your neck, your feet left the ground for a second before he put you back in the floor.

"You're okay?" he muttered, still hugging you tightly.

"'m better now," you sighed, your voice sounded shaky and that made him break away from your embrace.

"No you're not," he countered, his hands cupping your face, looking at you intently. "What's wrong?"

You sniffed and looked up to try and control your tears. "Nothing. I just missed you," you laughed sheepishly.

"I know, noodle," he replied in a soft tone, pulling you back to his warm arms. "I miss you too. Everyday."

Seokmin's scent triggered a flood of emotions, bringing back memories. The fear and pain you have felt these past few days were long gone.

Seokmin felt like home. Like coming home after a tiring day, you can finally relax and unwind. The comfort of his affectionate embrace is everything you've been longing for in the last few days.

"Why are you here?" you asked, and pulled away to see him.

He was all dressed in black, all except for his white t-shirt, which you had already ruined with your tears and make up.

"Sorry," you whispered, trying to clean off the pink make up from his shirt.

"Don't worry about it," he brushed it off. "I'm here to see you."

You blinked. "You are?"

He rolled his eyes, yet he flashed a smile that tugged at your heartstrings sharply. "It's your closing night, noodle. I wouldn't miss it."

You felt your body relax under the wave of warmth his words caused. "And how did you know I'd be here?"

He shrugged, putting his hands on the pockets of his jeans. "A hunch," he laughed with a resigned sigh. "Soonyoung told me."

He heard you chuckle and a glint of joy appeared in his eyes.

"I was dealing with some pre-show jitters," you explained, trying to get your undereye to dry without smudging your makeup further.

"I imagined. Do you still feel nervous?"

You inhaled deeply. "A bit," you said. "But for a different reason now."

He cocked his head, pursing his lips slightly, showing the dimple beneath the corner of his mouth. "What's that?"

Suddenly your mouth went dry. You were drawn to him so much you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. You pulled him into a hug again but this time you didn't hide your face on his shoulder, you faced him and he didn't pull away.

Seokmin swallowed thickly, his eyes locked on yours briefly before resting his forehead on yours, his eyelids fluttering a bit as he sighed weakly. His hands found your waist, pulling you even closer to his frame.

"We need to talk," you whispered, your hands found his face, fingers touching his jawline gingerly.

"Right now?" you felt his brow furrow.

"After the show?" you asked, your voice sounded shaky.

"Let's talk tomorrow. Would you like that?"

You shook your head slightly and you heard him smile.

"We'll talk tomorrow," he insisted. "Tonight is yours, baby."

You shuddered again, him calling you baby would never feel old.

"But–," you started.

"I told you I'd be patient," he mumbled softly as he moved his hands from your waist and cupped your face.

"But I can't be patient," you whined, seeing his face again after he pulled back.

"I know," he smiled, his thumbs caressed your cheeks softly, seeming to shudder when your hands fell from his face and found the sides of his neck. "Try to enjoy tonight. Do that for me, will you?"

You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile.

He returned the smile. "That's my good girl," he sighed and angled your face so that he could press a loving kiss on your forehead.

The shiver running through your body made your eyelids flutter and sigh.

Then you heard commotion back in backstage that usually let you know that you needed to be stage ready soon. You looked up at Seokmin's sweet brown eyes, and he seemed to know too.

"Go. You got this, baby," he whispered with a nod of his head pointing toward the hallway.

You saw his eyes and his mouth for a brief minute, resisting the urge to kiss him. Seokmin saw you hesitate and sighed under a soft smile, using his hands on your face he kissed your forehead once and then your cheek sweetly.

"Go. I'll see you right after," he giggled.

You gently released yourself from his embrace and, just before you pulled away, you slyly kissed his cheek, eliciting another soft chuckle from him. With a quick step, you made your way back to the dressing room. Quickly, you touched up your makeup and prepared for your show.

You got this, you repeated to yourself.

As the stage lights come up, the murmur of the room died down. Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself for the start of the show, where the voices of your fellow cast members got ready for their cue too.

Everything in your head, every worry and anxiety quickly died down when you entered your scene on a dimly lit stage, your chest rose and fell with each controlled breath. As the orchestra's crescendo rose, your body became fluid and controlled at the same time, ready to reflect the passion of the character you have been portraying for weeks.

Your voice carries the weight of the character's struggles, resonating across the stage. The power and freedom you experience when projecting your voice makes you feel truly alive.

As your last scene came to its end, your voice rose, filling the space with a powerful resonance that reverberates throughout the room, the lights on you died out, the curtain fell.

And then a standing ovation erupted for you and your fellow cast members and the rest of the crew.

After regaining your composure, your chest heaving with pure adrenaline, the curtain rose again, showing you standing hand in hand with your cast and crew.

With a shared smile, you raise your clasped hands and take a deep bow, expressing your sincere thanks for the overwhelming support you received.

The staff crew swept in, you were clapping your hands together with the crowd at the same time that someone from the crew thrusted a bouquet of fresh flowers into your grasp.

You looked at the flowers. They were not roses. You didn't exactly like roses and someone was aware of that. Your fingers reached for the card tucked among the yellow and white daisies and you looked out into the crowd.

Seokmin was in the front rows, clapping proudly with a big smile. When you saw him, he waved at you with a sweet smile.

For my noodle. Let's cherish this beautiful night as you return fully on the stage again. From Seokmin.

Your eyes filled with tears and you felt yourself breaking down in a sob that was quickly muffled by the commotion in the theatre. You smiled and waved at Seokmin as a form of thanks.

But you wanted to do more. Your body urged to feel his embrace again.

What ensued next was a session for the press. It was something you have definitely done before, but it was your first as a lead. It felt long and arduous, as you were trying to get it done as quickly as possible without coming off as rude or indifferent.

You wanted to go back off stage, remove all your makeup and costume to find Seokmin again.

The flashes from the cameras blinded you briefly as you spoke, answering the questions from the press and other few people who had the opportunity for a quick commentary or feedback.

When you rushed off stage, everything was a blur. You just had finished your first season run in what felt like an eternity. It was your first season since you and your ex broke up. And it felt just so good to come back.

The jitters you had felt before were yesterday's worries. Now, you continue onwards.

There was no big after party on closing night. And you were okay with that. Some people from cast and crew were gathering at a bar afterwards but it wasn't something special or out of the ordinary, just like every friday night.

So the clothes you brought with you before the show were just comfy. Leggings, a tank top, sweater, hoodie and sneakers. Your outfit was just mean to keep you warm and comfy after the show. And you felt totally unprepared for a night out.

Seokmin was waiting for you outside the dressing rooms. Some guys from your cast were crowding around him, as it usually happened. Seokmin was a particularly shy guy, but had a lot of friends. A lot of people seemed to know him so, a small crowd followed him whenever he went.

He was chatting with a guy, looking interested but you knew it was a façade. He'd nod with his head and go 'yeah, yeah' and smile politely.

When you appeared in the hallway, flower bouquet in hand, his face lit up, apparently pulling him out from his trance. He seemed to excuse himself from the his friend group and strolled toward you, extending his arms in his way.

"You killed it, noodle," he muttered once he hugged you, his arms lifting you from the floor again, effortlessly.

"Thank you for the flowers," you mumbled in his shoulder.

"You liked them?" he asked, putting you back on the floor.

"They're beautiful," you nodded, smiling up to him. "How did you know I like yellow daisies?"

He blinked, looking back to the flowers and then your eyes. "I think you mentioned it. A while ago, I don't remember," he explained, scratching the back of his head shyly.

"I did?" you asked, feeling confused and then shrugged.

He nodded with his head, smiling softly at you. "D'you want to go where everyone's going after this?"

"Uh... no. Not really. I wanna go home," you muttered.

"Can I... walk you there?" he asked, and the look in his eye made you think that he was feeling shy.

You nodded eagerly and that made him smile broadly.

"Let's get you home then," he muttered, grabbed your duffel bag from your shoulder and threw it on his.

You kept your free hand in the pocket of your hoodie for two reasons. The first one being that it was starting to get really cold already, as the autumn died out day by day. The other reason was so that you kept your hands to yourself.

You wanted to touch Seokmin. To hold his hand as you walked on the side walk in direction to your apartment. But you knew that you had to wait until you two talked, you didn't want to cross a line again.

"I got the role," you told him after a minute of silence. You had started to feel tension in your walk, as if Seokmin were thinking what you were thinking too.

"You'll be Satine?" he looked at you with a proud smile on his face. "That's awesome, congrats."

Your fingers caressed a soft petal of one daisy. "Thanks. Soonyoung will play Christian, though. He's mortified."

Seokmin's brow furrowed. "Why? I thought he wanted this role. Something about proving himself that he can sing on a lower register."

"He's worried that we'll have to share some kissing scenes," you mumbled, and then you started to get why Soonyoung was worried, because an uneasy warmth crept up your cheeks.

"I see," he pressed his lips into a smile. "And how do you feel?"

"I'm annoyed," you replied. "I don't care that I'll have to kiss him. I'm annoyed that he's making such a fuss about it and we haven't even started script readings."

"Yeah, he can be a bit dramatic," he chuckled. "But I'm glad you got the role, though."

Seokmin stopped walking and you almost felt confused until it dawned on you that you were already outside your building. Your heart faltered a little, seeing that you'd probably had to return to your apartment alone after spending your closing night with him.

"You're sure you don't want to come in?" you asked sheepishly, pointing a thumb towards the building.

Seokmin glanced up at the building briefly, appearing to be reconsidering it. "I'm sure, noodle," he muttered with a low tone.

Your shoulders slumped down a little. "Okie dokie," you whispered, still grabbing your bouquet of flowers with one hand.

"But we'll talk tomorrow, remember?" he asked, seeing your reaction.

You made a small pout, aware of your own childishness, but going with it all the same. Seokmin responded with a soft laugh, wrapping you in a comforting embrace.

"Don't make it more difficult for me," he hummed, his head resting beside yours gently. "If I go to your apartment with you right now, I might not come out. We need to talk first. And you know it."

Your whole body burned with anticipation and your arms clung to him, pulling him close to your body. You couldn't think of what to say and it seemed words were inadequate. You simply longed for his presence beside you.

He pulled his head back, a hand cupping the side of your face. "Baby, you're killing me," he muttered, a tortuous smile creeping on his face. "Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

"Not when you call me that," you muttered, still pouting.

His gaze softened. "My bad," he sighed under a small smile that looked content on his face, even though you were pressuring him. "Let's talk tomorrow, alright? Get some rest. I'll text you."

"Fine," you mumbled, and the hand cupping your face pinched your pouting lip gently, making you smile in response.

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling you closer to kiss your forehead, his lips pressing kisses gingerly on your face.

His forehead rested on yours, the proximity of his face to yours made you close your eyes briefly and you heard him sigh deeply.

"Text me when you get home?" you asked, feeling that you just needed to get anything he'd give you.

He chuckled. "Sure thing," he muttered, not quite making a gesture to leave. "Anything else?"

"Mmm, dunno. Let me think about it," you pretended to ponder over it, only to cling to his body for a while longer.

After a brief moment, you pulled away from his embrace reluctantly. His arms relaxed around you and his sweet brown eyes found yours.

He was right. As much as you wanted to drag him into your apartment, you needed to talk first. It was necessary for you to have some order in your friendship before you could do something with him again.

It was the right thing to do. You hated it. But he was right.

"Alright," you muttered. "See you tomorrow, then."

He handed you your duffel bag back. It wasn't heavy, but being the gentleman that he was, Seokmin always offered to carry it himself.

"Thank you for the flowers," you repeated with a shy smile.

Seokmin shrugged, putting his hands on his jean pockets and eyed you up and down. He blinked slowly, his lips pursing a little.

"They look good on you," he said warmly, a predilect glint on his eyes.

A small sigh escaped you. He was just so fucking beautiful. You had to resist the urge of pulling him into a kiss right there and then. He was also making it difficult for you by just existing.

"Thanks," you whispered, feeling yourself blush a little.

"See you tomorrow, noodle," he pulled you into a last bear hug, patting your head playfully before walking away.

When you got home, the first thing you did was look for a flower vase, or something remotely useful to put the bouquet in. In view that you didn't have a flower vase, you found a jar and decided that it was good enough in the mean time until you bought an actual vase.

You found yourself smiling as you looked for a place to put your flower bouquet, deciding that the little coffee table in your living room was perfect for it.

Your phone buzzed a little while after.

[11:44 PM] seokminnie: i'm home [11:44 PM] seokminnie: gnight noodle

A smile crept on your face, feeling a tight warmth fill you in.

[11:44 PM] you: goodnight seokmin :)⁠♡

The day seemed pale and gloomy, as autumn slowly reached its peak with a frosty air. The pavements were covered with fallen leaves as you approached the park. Despite the chill, the atmosphere was pleasant.

You dug your hands deep in the pockets of your jacket. Having a but of fun with the puff that your breath created in the cold winds as you drew closer to where you and Seokmin had agreed to meet up.

It was the park you used to visit to wind down after exams when you were in university. The same park you had taken a long nap in Seokmin's lap years ago.

Did Seokmin remember that same event? You weren't entirely certain, but it seemed plausible that he chose this location because it was strategic, being a midpoint for both of you.

You were just arriving to the park when you realised that you had forgotten your phone yet again. But now it was something that made you panic a little. The park was so large that you didn't know where Seokmin might be arriving through and if he relied on his phone to find you, he could think that you had stood him up.

You looked around, thinking fast. Despite the cold weather, people were gathering at the park to walk, do exercise or just socialise. So it was a bit crowded, a bit difficult to stand out.

But then, you decided to trust, and walked toward that same tree you use to gather with your friends. The same tree Seokmin sat at when you fell asleep in his lap. You didn't think he remembered, but you had no other choice.

The walk over there gave you a chance to look around, to see if you spotted his familiar frame.

Until you saw that tree in the distance, it was located close to the lane you were walking, and it had a clearing of leaf covered grass surrounding it. It stood alone.

You caught sight of Seokmin, strolling with one hand in his pocket, the other clutching his phone, his brow furrowed in concentration as he seemed absorbed in whatever was on the screen, his steps aimless.

He had his dark hair tussled carelessly and wore a cosy looking oversized navy blue sweater, jeans and red converse. You took a second to breathe again, looked so cute, almost threw you back to your university days.

He was so absorbed in looking at his phone screen that he almost bumped into you. "Oh, I'm so sorry–," he said startled as he looked from his screen to you. "I was looking for you," he gasped. "I tried calling you and texting–"

"I forgot my phone," you mumbled shyly.

He sighed, and then smiled warmly. "Noodle, you scared me for a minute," he circled your body with his arms. "I thought you wouldn't come."

"I wouldn't do that," you said, catching a small whiff from the smell of his sweater.

He hugged you tightly for a second, rocking his body from side to side gently and taking you with him.

"Do you remember when we'd come here?" you heard him mumble and felt him rest his cheek on the crown of your head.

"Of course I do," you whispered. "I once slept on your lap for hours."

"You did?" he asked and you felt your heartbeat falter a little.

"And drooled on your leg," you giggled.

"Mmyeah I think I'm starting to remember. Disgusting," he chuckled, but he sounded fond of the memory.

He stopped rocking your bodies, pulling his head back to cup your face in his hands.

"Joshua told me that you were looking for me a few days ago," his brow furrowed a little.

You sighed. "I told him not to tell you," you whined a little.

"Why? What happened? Why didn't you call me?" his eyes searched yours.

You swallowed thickly and breathed in deeply as if gathering strength. "I needed to talk to you," your voice was shaky. "I needed to tell you how much I... missed you."

"But why didn't you tell me anything?" his hands dropped from your face, as if giving you space to talk freely.

"I... think I was scared," you mumbled feeling like you'd soon start to shake from the chill air. "I needed time to think and reflect about what I wanted but my own feelings scared me."

He listened attentively, his gaze shifting from your eyes to your mouth, a habit you had noticed he used whenever you spoke to him.

"I went to find you because I needed to tell you that I feel the same way about you," his eyes widened slightly as he took your words in, and you could almost sense the shift in his breathing. "I want to be with you too, but I've been scared to fuck this up because..."

You swallowed thickly again, the knot in your throat making it impossible to utter a word without your voice breaking.

"...because you mean a lot to me," you continued despite feeling vulnerable. "I don't want to fuck up what we have. You're my best friend, our friendship is too important to me."

His gaze softened and he tilted his head to one side, a gentle, affectionate gesture. "Why would you fuck this up? There's nothing you could ever do that would drive me away, you know that."

Your eyes filled with hot tears, and you felt your lower lip quiver under the wave of emotions commanding your body. "I know. I panicked. I–just, I want us to work."

His sweet brown eyes seemed to glint with emotion. "You do?" he mumbled.

You nodded, wiping your tears with your sleeves. "I looked for you because I couldn't stand keeping this to myself any longer," you admitted, your voice trembling. "I… I also want to see where this could go."

Seokmin looked at you with a mixture of surprise and relief, and his initial tension slowly faded into a warm smile. "I'm glad you found the strength to tell me," he said, his voice full of affection and warmth. "I also felt scared. I didn't want to rush it, I didn't want to rush you because I know you. I knew you'd need some time to think."

Your body shook with cold and nervousness. It took a lot from you to speak your feelings, let alone to confess something as important as this to Seokmin. But you felt alright, as it dawned on you that you had finally taken that step, and it felt so right.

"Can you..." you mumbled, choking with emotion, "can you forgive me for panicking?"

He blinked, perplexed. "What?" he smiled sweetly, his warm hands cupping your cold cheeks again. "Don't be silly. I have nothing to forgive."

Your hands grabbed his wrists, thumbs caressing his skin as Seokmin rested his forehead on yours. "I didn't mean to hurt you. It was never my intention to mess with you," you explained, pondering over what he said on that dark alley last saturday.

"I know, and I understand," he whispered. "You have nothing to apologise for, baby."

A shiver ran down your spine, and you closed your eyelids, savouring the moment and his comforting warmth.

You heard Seokmin sigh softly, his hands cupping your face and tilting your face slightly before his lips locked onto yours and you swore you might have melted into the kiss. You felt your whole body shudder under a wave of joy and affection as his lips pressed over yours sweetly, kissing your lower lip and cheek with such predilection that your eyes began to water a little.

As you stood there, hands intertwined, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving you and Seokmin alone, wrapped in this new reality.

"Are you cold, baby?" he asked, his tone wrapped in a gentle warmth.

"A bit, yeah," you replied.

"Mm, I can get you somewhere warm," he muttered, pulling away and you saw his face beaming with joy. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

You smiled and felt his thumb brush the tears from your face. "I'd love that."

"Right now?"

The smile turned into a giggle. "Of course."

You started walking to the opposite direction of the park to which you got in. Seokmin grabbed your hand, locking his fingers with yours and with that brought you hand to kiss your knuckles with a smile that made his eyes beam.

The day was cloudy, with a gentle drizzle lightly sprinkling you with drops of water. The rain was gentle and intermittent, not enough to be bothersome, so you both paid little attention to it, immersed in the moment and in each other's company.

"Are you hungry? We could go to a restaurant that's not far from here," he said, as you walked hand in hand with him through the park where you used to walk as uni students.

"Sure," you said, feeling like it didn't really mattered where he took you, as long as you were together.

"Or we could go to watch a movie, if you're not hungry," he suggested, eyeing you with a smile still plastered on his face.

You laughed and that drew his attention back to your face. "You call the shots, mister."

"Would'you like to go to the aquarium sometime?" he asked, speaking so fast that you had to take a second to process what he said. "I've heard they have aquarium nights."

He spoke so fast that his thoughts seemed to be racing, a revealing sign of his excitement. This image made your heart flutter in your chest. Happiness sweeps over you, a joy so deep that you can't contain the broad smile that spreads across your face.

Droplets of water splashed in your forehead and shoulders, so icy cold that they made you flinch. Then the rain started to pour on you, washing over the park and river so sudden that took you by surprise. You had been ignoring the soft drizzling, not thinking that it was a warning of the upcoming downpour.

"Or we could run to cover," he suggested, chuckling a little. His nose wrinkled a little as the rain fell on his face.

Seokmin held your hand tight as you ran through the park and into the city streets, trying to find somewhere to cover as you quickly found a tall building that offered some roof for you to cover yourselves from the downpour.

"We could go to mine and wait," Seokmin said, his chest heaving from running, pointed a finger to the next corner of the street from where you stood. "It's the closest."

It was true. Since you both ran the other way to which you got here from yours. You nodded, your body starting to shiver from the cold water that already had your hair all wet.

"We have to run again," he said, surveying you.

"I'm okay with that," you nodded.

"Okay," he breathed and took your hand again, leading the way through the downpour toward his building.

Amidst the downpour drenching your entire body, a sudden thought struck you. "Wait!" you called out, your voice barely audible over the sound of the rain.

You tugged at his hand, making him stop, and turned to face you, concern shown on his burrowed brow.

He stared at you as you pulled him close, fingers cupping his face and a smile slowly crept across his lips. He took you by the waist, understanding your and your gazes met.

Your noses bumped lightly and you noticed Seokmin's soft chuckle, his warm brown eyes shifting from your gaze to your lips. Then he leaned towards you and his lips met yours in a gentle kiss, as your hands pulled him even closer.

The kiss was brief, but you tried to savour every second of it. You saw his eyes again when you pulled away, his hands on your waist not quite letting you go, his heavy lidded eyes looking at you with so much love that made you shudder.

"Let's go," he muttered softly, leaning to press a loving kiss on your forehead before walking to the lobby of his building.

It was really hard to keep your hands off him. When you were on the elevator, you had to settle for just kissing his face softly, eliciting some sweet chuckles from him.

His apartment was dark and empty when you got there. Seokmin turned the lights on, realising that his roommate wasn't in.

"You want to take a shower? I can lend you some clothes and dry yours on the dryer," he said as he removed his shoes.

You could only nod, feeling so cold that your whole body trembled. Seokmin saw you and gave you a soft smile, taking your hand to swiftly lead you to the bathroom, he got the shower ready as soon as he got you in.

"I'll bring a towel for you," he said, exiting from the bathroom and probably leaving you to have some privacy to remove your heavy soaking wet clothes.

You heard him return when you were already beneath the warm water from the shower.

"I left you dry clothes and a towel here, noodle," he announced quickly before going out again.

The clothes were his, a wide black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. The sweatpants were too baggy for your frame, but you could adjust the waist to fit.

He laughed a little when he saw you coming out of the bathroom. "You look tiny," he chuckled. "Are you okay with those? I can lend you other things if you want."

"I'm okay with these," you assured him, looking at your body with his baggy clothes. Your legs did look shorter.

"Okay," he said and then he removed his sweater in a swift movement, revealing his lean torso. "You can wait in my bedroom if you like," he suggested.

"Okie dokie," you muttered, without taking your eyes off him.

He sighed under a cheeky smile, bending down to give you a chaste kiss on your mouth. "I'll be there shortly, baby."

You found his room intuitively, since the two doors down the hall from the bathroom were facing each other, one was closed and the one opened revealed Seokmin's things.

His curtains remained open, allowing the bright city lights to cast a range of colours on her bed and the nearby bedside table. The bedside table held a small, softly glowing lamp and a book, which made you think of his reading habit before sleeping.

The window offered a glimpse of the source of the light illuminating his room. The building opposite his window was of a shorter height, revealing the rooftop within view. Perched atop it was a broad LED billboard displaying various advertisements in vibrant hues.

There was a dresser that had a bunch of clutter on top of it, caps, hats, fun glasses, sunglasses, fake glasses, and a pile of screenplays from past roles he had.

But a certain object caught your eye, and your heart fluttered a little when you saw something that once belonged to you. It was a black and yellow bracelet, the yellow beads were painted with smiley faces by you.

You thought you had lost it a long time ago. It just turned out Seokmin had it all along.

After that, you took the liberty of lying on his bed. His creamy white duvet was soft and you could smell the detergent on the pillows. You closed your eyes, hearing the soft cacophony of the rain patter on the windows.

When Seokmin returned, he was draped in a navy blue bathrobe and was using another smaller towel to dry his dark hair. He saw you lying in his bed a soft smile tugged his lips.

"I forgot to tell you," you muttered, sitting up on the edge of his bed, "I like your new hair."

He hummed with a smirk. "You do?" he asked as he closed his bedroom door.

"Mmyeah, you look good," you smirked too.

His fingers tugged at the knot of his bathrobe but he stopped. "Close your eyes, noodle," he chuckled, making a gesture with his hand.

You rolled your eyes. "Nothing I haven't seen before," you muttered while smiling at him.

"But what if I'm shy?" he said while pouting cutely and you noticed that he was joking.

He tugged at the knot of the bathrobe, undoing it at the same time that Seokmin smiled at your eager eyes. The robe parted and a shudder shook you slightly when you saw his body completely naked as he removed the robe from his shoulders and hanged it on a hook on his door.

"You don't close your curtains?" you asked, seeing his body covered by the vibrant colours that the billboard projected.

"What for? No one else is watching," he smirked, turning to look for something on his drawers.

You bit your lip, still watching his body move, every muscle of his legs that tugged with his walk as he pretended to search his drawers. He looked at you through the corner of his eye, letting out a soft laugh.

"Baby, stop eye fucking me," he muttered shyly. "It's making me hard."

You bit your lip harder, trying to suppress a smile, but your core was already throbbing at the sight of him–his large cock was stirring up, stretching up slowly.

"Can I help you with that?" you asked eagerly, practically drooling at the sight of his cock getting harder by the second.

Seokmin turned to face you, still some steps far from where you were sitting on his bed. "Mm, I was thinking of waiting until we actually started having dates and stuff," he confessed, but the tip of his cock was already darkened in a reddish pink.

You smiled sweetly at him, looking riddled with the dilemma he came up with himself. "We can start dating tomorrow," you suggested innocently.

He chuckled softly, moving from his drawers to you. "That bad you want me, baby?" he asked, closing the distance until his knees where brushing with yours. His cock so fucking hard that was pointing upward and inclining to the side a little.

You couldn't resist any further. Your hand grabbed his cock, which was completely hard now and pumped it a few times, making him sigh shakily. You saw his face, as he tilted his head to one side when you used a hand to rub the tip of his cock that dripped in his precum, smearing it all over his soft and warm skin.

"Yeah, that bad," you replied before guiding his cock to your lips.

You slid your tongue around his cockhead, tasting his precum before you took him inside your mouth, your tongue gliding across his length as you tried to take him to the hilt. But you decided to take it slowly, your hand pumped at the length you couldn't reach with your mouth, starting to move your head back and forth slowly.

"Fuck," he whispered, grabbing your hair at your scalp his hands, tugging gently. "You take me so well. So fucking good."

The sound of his voice made your core pulsate a little, and you hummed on his cock as you pulled your head back, hollowing your cheeks before swirling your tongue on his tip and pushing your head as far as you could, until you felt the tip of your nose touch with his pubic hair.

Your darted a look at his face, he was looking at you, his throat bobbed and moaned softly when you pulled back again while hollowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around his cockhead before pushing in again.

"Mmmfuck. Keep doing that, baby," he muttered, one of his hands moved from your hair to clean drool from the corner of your mouth, his other hand worked on grabbing your hair as efficiently as he could.

You complied, but you started doing the same movements faster. The sounds coming from your mouth as you sucked him off resounded on his bedroom, mixing with the soft sounds coming from Seokmin.

"That feels so good, baby," he hummed and you could sense that it was taking all his strength not to move and start thrusting his cock in your mouth himself.

You kind of wanted him to. To grab your head and start fucking your mouth hard and fast but you knew you weren't ready for that. Each time his cockhead reached your throat you had to breathe in through your nose, his cock so big that you could barely work your mouth on it without gagging.

He cleaned more drool from your chin, using that same hand to get some tears from your eyes. "Can you swallow, baby?" he asked in a strangled tone.

"Mmm-mmph," that was all you could make out in agreement while you still had his cock stuffed in your mouth.

His hand moved from your chin to join the other one grasping your hair and you knew he was about to cum from the taut look on his face. His breath hitched and his mouth parted a little, letting out a groan, blinking slowly as he dumped hot spurs of cum on your throat and you swallowed every single drop of it.

"Good girl," he whispered, gathering more tears from your cheeks with one hand. He let go of your hair gently to cup your face and slowly pull out from your mouth.

He bent down and sealed your lips with a kiss. You moaned in response, thinking that he would taste himself in your tongue as his slid in your mouth. But he didn't seem to care and moaned softly, pushing his body on top of yours, making you lay in his bed.

"Your turn, baby," he groaned, taking the shirt you were wearing on his hands and you arched your back for him.

He removed it and quickly went to get the sweatpants he lent you, which were already ruined in your own arousal. Seokmin saw the glistening streak smeared all over the crotch of the inside of his sweatpants and smiled before throwing them on the floor.

He got up from the bed and knelt before it, your body shuddered with a warm eagerness when you knew what that meant. He yanked you down on his bed, grabbing you by your thighs and you placed him on his shoulder, earning a proud look on his face when he saw you anticipate him.

His hands pressed gently on your lower belly before he dipped his head down between your thighs, licking a stripe on your wet pussy. You moaned loudly and took his head with your hands, your fingers tangling on his wet hair.

Seokmin immediately knew how to work his tongue on your cunt, so he wasted no time and started lapped his tongue in your folds, wet sounds coming from the interaction of his tongue on your core, licking your arousal as if it were his favourite meal.

You cried out, arching your back on his bed. Your legs were already shaking, your body building up towards your release. The tip of his tongue made its way to your clit, teasing it and nibbling at it with his lips until he got it to swell before he expertly started sucking at it, pressing his tongue on it and moving his head up and down lightly.

"Seokmin–," you called in a high keen whimper, "f-fuck, don't stop. Please, baby, don't stop."

He hummed gently, complying as if it were the only thing that mattered. Your body started trembling more as your orgasm shook you, washing over you in warm waves of pleasure that had you arching your back and calling his name loudly.

You breathed hard, body twitching on his bed uncontrollably as his mouth worked on you until he felt your limbs relax. He planted sweet kisses on your thighs and removed his hands from your lower belly.

Panting, you opened your eyes, feeling your lashes wet in tears and blinked until you saw Seokmin's body hovering on top of you.

"You're okay?" he asked and you nodded. He dipped his head again and kissed you softly. You hummed in his mouth, tasting your taste on his tongue as it lapped your lower lip and tongue, dominating the kiss.

"Seokmin," you mumbled in his lips.

He pulled away with a wet sound from breaking the kiss.

"I want you," you whispered, using a hand to push his wet bangs away from his forehead.

He smirked. "How do you want me, baby?"

You rolled your eyes, a smile spreading on your face. "Fuck me, Seokmin. Make love to me," you mumbled, searching his face.

"In that order?" he asked with a breathy laugh.

"In whatever order you want," you muttered as he bent to plant open mouthed kisses on your mouth, then down on your jaw. "I just need you inside me, please."

"Mmm," he hummed as his mouth reached your collarbones. "My pretty girl, so impatient as always," he muttered as he reached your tits.

His hand and mouth teased your nipples, kissing and tugging at them softly. You moaned, your hands finding his wet hair again.

"Please, baby," you whispered. "Jus'need you."

He chuckled, moving his mouth to the crook of your neck. "Keep calling me that and I might give you what you want."

You were still placed in one side of the bed, your ass almost hanging at the edge of the mattress, your legs wrapped around him. Seokmin had one of his knees placed on the bed and one foot down on the floor for support. It seemed an odd position but, you decided not to budge.

Then his lips pressed a wet kiss on your sensitive spot, gentle kisses trailed from the crook of your neck to your ear lobe. He heard you moan and sigh as his lips travelled back down to the crook of your neck, kissing your tender skin gently.

"I want you to mark me too, baby," you whimpered, grabbing the back of his neck as he licked your neck swiftly.

He hummed and complied almost instantly, his lips starting to suck at your soft skin, making you moan in pleasure and approval that you'd have his mark on you.

Seokmin marked you on both sides of your neck, just in the points he knew you liked the most and then you felt his hips come down and rest the lower half of your body on top of yours and between your thighs. Then he pushed his hips on yours, his cock sliding between your pussy lips, practically gliding in your arousal.

You bit back a moan at the feeling of his hard cock smearing your pussy in your own slick as his lips marked your neck.

"Seokmin, please," you whimpered when his cockhead pushed at your entrance briefly, sloppily before resuming to slide between your pussy lips, teasing your clit too.

He smirked, you could feel his lips on your neck as he hummed, again, as if he were actually considering your pleas. He pulled his head back, placing an open mouthed kiss on your chin.

"Please, baby. Fuck–fuck me. Make love to me. I need you so fucking much," you pleaded, thinking that you might sound dumb in your high keen whimpers and sobs.

But his cockhead stopped at your entrance again and pushed in slowly. You were so wet that he practically eased himself in, stretching your gummy walls and making you moan in the process of sheathing his cock inside you to the hilt.

His mouth parted a bit, looking at your face attentively as you cried out in pleasure, the feeling of him inside you was so good that it made your eyes water. Then he took both of your legs, and you knowingly helped him place them on each of his shoulders.

Seokmin stroked one of your legs as he eased himself in again shallow thrusts. "You take me so well, baby," he said, pulling his hips back and thrusting in with more depth.

You could only utter a half moan in agreement as his hips rutted against yours, then he pushed his body forward, pressing your legs against your chest as he thrusted his cock inside you, filling you up so deliciously that you couldn't help but cry out in pleasure.

"You feel so good," Seokmin whispered through gritted teeth.

He took one of your legs and rested it on his shoulder, pushing inside you again so deeply that you felt your body melt in a wave of pleasure. "Mmm, you too, baby," you whimpered. "So fucking good."

Then he started to pick up his pace, plunging his cock in so hard and fast that you felt your breath escape from your lungs. You cried out, your hands holding on his duvet in fists, feeling his cockhead hit a spot within you so deep, so deliciously that your eyes welled up in tears.

"F-fuck. Seokmin–," your voice came out in a broken moan. "Right there, baby! Don't stop, please."

You heard him groan and your eyes found his sweet ones. The plunging of him inside you felt so good and so controlling that your sanity started to slip from your mind. The pressure from your orgasm taking over you so hard and so unannounced that you didn't have a chance to warn him.

But he could tell from the loud cries that left your mouth, and the clasping of your walls around his cock, so erratic and tight around his girth that had him groaning your name with a raspy voice.

Through teary eyes, you watched him blink slowly, the tip of his tongue hung slightly on the corner of his mouth as he cursed and moaned softly before cumming inside you. His cockhead buried in the glorious spot inside you as his hot spurs of cum coated your gummy walls.

But he was still on a mission.

He eased your legs back down. "Scoot back, baby," he commanded and you obliged, moving your body to the centre of the bed for him.

You used the movement of your bodies to look at his body. Painted under the lights of the billboard in front of the building, you could see that his cock was still hard, glistening wet in both your cream and his cum.

You swallowed hard at the sight of him as he placed his knees on the bed, his tall body standing in front of you.

"You're so fucking beautiful," you muttered, still feeling like you were coming down from your high.

Seokmin chuckled breathily. "You too, baby. So fucking beautiful," he muttered as he slot himself between your thighs, pressing loving kisses on your face.

He slid himself back inside you, eliciting a moan from you that was muffled by his mouth on yours. Your hands were down on his lower back, feeling his hips rutting on yours slowly, almost lazily but it still felt so good, so perfect.

"You're okay there?" he asked softly when he pulled back from your lips.

"Mmmyeah, 'm okay baby," you muttered, moving one hand to cup the side of his face as your eyes absorbed his soft features under the pretty lights from outside.

You bit back a moan, hearing the squelching noises created by his cock pushing deep inside your cunt, the wet noises of your juices and his cum inside you sounded so good that you felt the need to see it too. Seokmin heard your low whimpers and the movement of his hips stuttered a bit.

Seokmin took your hand from his cheek, intertwining your fingers in his and placing it beside your head. The thrusts of his hips against yours were methodical, and almost like clockwork he started to rut on you faster.

You wrapped your legs around him, your other hand found the back of his head, caressing his soft dark hair before pulling his face to yours.

Seokmin rested his forehead on yours gently, his breath brushing on your lips. "I can't get enough of you," he muttered in between hot kisses he planted on your face. "M-might never do."

A moan escaped you, feeling a wave of both pleasure and warmth flood inside you. Your lips crashed with his, kissing him fervently as he made love to you. Passionately, hard and fast.

"I feel the same way," you sobbed. "I need you so much. It drives me crazy."

He moaned in a mixture of pleasure and agreement, a soft smile spread on your lips, feeling your breath hitch before Seokmin pulled his chest from yours, letting go of your hand to grab your hips without stopping his ministrations on you. "Cum with me, baby," he muttered, moving his hips against yours lazily.

Your hand slid where your bodies were still connected, your two middle fingers found your clit that was so covered in your slick that it was almost hard to rub it without your fingers slipping. But you pressed hard on it, your walls clenching hard on his cock as you let out a long moan.

You succumbed to a sweet, long orgasm, crying out loudly as his cock kept pushing in, riding your high and causing his. Seokmin also groaned loudly, thrusting hard and deep as he dumped his load inside your walls for a second time, his face and collarbones covered in a faint layer of sweat, chest heaving heavily.

You felt your body pulsate with his as you came down of your high. You too were breathing hard, your body slumped on his soft duvet, feeling also covered in both your and his sweat. You watched Seokmin still on his knees before you, slotted between your thighs.

It was so fucking hard to tear your eyes from him. Hell, the mere experience of being apart from him for even a few days was unbearable. Also, the care and consideration he demonstrated showed the depth of his feelings for you, too. So, maybe he was just as crazy about you too.

The lights of the billboard outside painted Seokmin's face in shifting shades of blue and pink. As you watched him, his lazy eyes, his sweet smile spread and the dimples under his mouth became more pronounced.

He was so fucking beautiful that it made your chest ache.

"God," you uttered in a broken sob. "I love you so much."

♡︎ a/n: waaaa i love seokmin sm i wanna hug him heheh. hi everyone! this one took me a couple of days to write cause i had to move but i hope you guys like it. i'm sorry if there's any mistakes, i posted this as soon as i finished it u-u

if u like this, show it sum love? pls pls i'd appreciate it ♡ and stay tuned for next part!!

btw thanks to all that have sent messages and comments, i love u all. ty ty ty

also, this fic belongs to a shared au so i'll be posting more fics with the rest of the boys soon stay tuned!

my taglist is open! just send me an ask and tell me if u want to be tagged in the other fics too and i'll add u :) toodles

[screebyy]

I hope my comment didnt duplicate on your comic, it kept saying 'not authorized'. but i just wanted to share my love for your crow/jolyon artwork Ive reread this about 4 times now. your artwork is soo good. Did you finish this comic in word format? love love love your storytelling!

I don't think your comment went through at all, this website is so fake 😭

But thank you so much, I really appreciate it and it's always so rewarding to know that other people like them as much as I do! I did post everything I had written for the comic here - the format is a little weird since it's mostly my chaotic comic planning document transcribed into something semi-readable. And it's also incomplete and entirely pre-final shape, before Crow enters the portal. But there's a normal fic buried in the middle of it, which is like my favorite thing I've ever written, and I'm still just really attached to this little AU I've crafted and would like to add more to it.

As for the comic, I'm still hoping to finish the first "arc" which should be two more parts, and ends with the first chapter of that fic. I was making good progress on it but then I got really stuck with the flow of dialogue and then got hit with art block and then I was like fuck it I'll just wait for Revenant to end to see if there's any fun Crow developments I can incorporate. But I've been drawing a lot of Jolyon lately so I'm hoping I'll get back to it soon - and then after that I may draw some other snippets from that fic, though probably not as long/supplemented with text because holy shit comics are hard. Unfortunately I've been pretty uninvested in destiny the game since the most recent layoffs at bungie, and it's unlikely they'll ever give us any in-depth resolution w/ Jolyon anyway, so I might just take them and my fake-ass little AU and run with it for a while idkkk

[pinkysgallery]

Omg hi!!

This may come off as a bit late, but I just wanted to tell you that after reading chapters 1-2-3 of your Wakfu fanfic Collision in English, I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT 💖❤️❤️

Seriously, this might just be one of the best Wakfu fanfics I’ve ever read on Wattpad (AO3 is a whole other breed 👹💕) of all places and I’m so grateful I even came across it thanks to you on tumblr!!

I just finished reading chapters 4 and 5 right now AND I NEED MORE ❤️❤️

I don’t know how you did it, but you perfectly did everything right! You managed to properly convey some of the sadidas’ opinions about the eliatropes, you even showed an elite eliatrope’s perspective on their history (from their days back in the Genesis era to today), you portrayed each character so accurately, and you managed to fill up what we were missing before the season 4 finale.

Honestly, I think you’re extremely good at what you do and I love the way you had the idea to start the fic right before season 4’s final episode.

You make my day everytime you upload and it’s always worth it 💖💖💖

Thank you so much for even finding the time and energy to translate the chapters!! 💕💕💕

Mmm, ok, let me take a moment to...

Cof cof, ok, I'm fine☕️💦

Thank you SO MUCH for giving it a try to Collision, and for your quick review, it means A LOT 🤧💙💚. I've been following your neat blogs and reviews for a while now, and let's just say that I've been taking notes 👀☕️💦 So I can say that most of the development is thanks to your analysis influence 👉👈💙💚

I've been a little concerned about how the English version is being received, cause I still don't have much feedback there, and I've been posting the translation feeling that is not 100% accurate, but doing it anyway for that part of the fandom's sake, cause I wanted them to read it too, even though I know my English is not perfect 🤧👉👈💕

The Spanish version, on the other hand, is receiving more feedback (depending on how juicy is the chapter) and it has already 32 chapters that I've been writing and posting on the go, and it keeps going. So, don't worry, you'll have more juicy content eventually 😏☕️✨️

Or maybe in a few minutes... 👀💦

I decided to post the translation this way so I could take time to manage both versions, keep posting on AO3, keep making art, and post to my social media, while I deal with my real life and keep translating...

I'm fine, really👉👈💦

So your feedback and support mean to me MUCH MORE THAN YOU THINK, and refill me with motivation to keep up the hard work 🤧🤌💙💚

Thanks again for passing by and giving it a chance 🥹💙💚 Please do not hesitate to give me your opinion, or suggestions, that also help me to improve and defeat the creative block that I get sometimes 😅🫠💕

[roxtron]

Pinned post/About me thing

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you can call me whatever, i usually go by some variation of my username but i don't mind nicknames and stuff

he/they

i'm autistic so my posts will probably vary by whatever/whenever certain special interests/hyperfixations are stronger at the time

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A bit of info about what I post/reblog

i make original art sometimes but art block has been really tough so unfortunately i don't have a lot to post lately :(

besides that I'll usually make either rambling or analysis posts on whatever subject I'm posting about, usually fandom related. occasionally theories but that depends on if what I'm posting about really leaves room for theorizing.

I reblog pretty casually on here so it can range from stuff i find funny to stuff i think could use awareness, fandom-wise this blog somehow became pretty fnaf centered lol, not quite sure how that happened but i still consider it my main.

if i reblog other people's art or analysis I usually try to leave my thoughts in the tags, but sometimes I have a hard time thinking of what to say so sorry if I reblog your work and don't say anything/don't seem enthusiastic about it, if I reblog something it's because I adore it lol, I just don't always know how to put thoughts into words. <3

and as a side note, while I do try to check blogs of people I reblog in case it's a terf or whatever, sometimes you never know, so if I do reblog something from someone who's done something shitty don't hesitate to let me know with an ask or something because chances are I probably don't know lol.

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Boundaries stuff I guess.

I know DNI lists are annoying and pointless but whatever, if there's a chance it'll get people to leave me alone it's worth it. I shouldn't need to list obvious ones like terfs, transphobes, homophobes, all those assholes. But also, if you don't like one of my posts, I'd rather you block me and move on than hate reblog it. It's immature and annoying, and I won't hesitate to block people that do it.

Obviously I don't just mean "if you criticize something I post you're bad," I'm alright with criticism as long as it's respectful, but if you're gonna reblog just to say "look at this idiot" then fuck off.

Sorry about how aggressive that may have been but I don't wanna deal with stuff like that. I've dealt with it in the past and it sucks, if you don't like me, that's perfectly fine, but just block me and move on. Onto a more positive topic.. If you wanna use my art for pfps or anything that's really cool actually!! Ofc I'd ask for credit but if anyone did want a pfp of something I've drawn you can always send me an ask and I'll post a zoomed in version or something or make whatever edit you wanted so you don't need to worry about it lol Besides all that you don't have to worry about interacting with me, if you've got any questions whether that's related to me or my blog you don't have to hesitate to send an ask if you want :)

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Sideblogs

I've recently made sideblogs for other fandoms people don't follow me for here. I figured it'd be easier to separate them but mostly for spoilers' sake. Sure I try to spoiler tag but people aren't gonna block spoiler tags for fandoms they're not in if they see it and I'd hate to spoil someone for a series they could've had the chance to go into blind. That being said, please don't follow my other blogs unless you already know the spoilers for whatever fandom the blog's centered around. As much as I appreciate support I'd hate for you to get spoiled and I'd much rather wait for you to play the game yourself <3 (since as of now they're both video game fandoms..) @roxtron-kh (Kingdom Hearts)

@roxtron-gt (Ghost Trick)

----------------------------------------------------------- Woo I think that's everything! Finally I can get to the tags section of this long-ass post.. I wanna try to tag things more properly in the future, even if I'm not really big enough to warrant it, I still wanna be able to find my own stuff easier at least through the sea of reblogs, so if you're curious about any of my posts, here's a list of tags you can look through! I'm currently trying to update some of my old posts with tags so they can be added to the list.

[laurfilijames]

I'm going to think out loud for a minute here as I feel I need to voice some things in order to try to work through them.

I've been feeling weird here lately.

There's been so much happening and every day I feel like I can't even begin to try to catch up on everything that people are posting and reblogging and sharing with each other. I'm busier than normal between work, life and a full renovation on my house and then finding time to get on here and reply, carry on conversations and just simply interact in all things Charlie has me feeling totally overwhelmed.

Not being able to engage how I want to/normally do has me worried I'm going to be passed by or forgotten or like I'm going to be left out. I know this is silly and that the friends I've met here will always be around whenever I can be and won't hold it against me if I'm not responding to their messages but it's filling me with a huge sense of guilt and anxiety.

Since I returned to working on my Breathe series I have been completely blown away and surprised by the huge response it's gotten. It was so motivating and exciting and encouraged me to write and work on it any available moment I had (or didn't) so I could keep getting new chapters out for people to enjoy.

I posted the latest chapter this week and the interactions have drastically plummeted in comparison to other parts. I'm not sure why; if it's because people are busy (I get it!) or are just becoming uninterested in the story the further it goes on. I've also had discussions with a friend about how now that the drama has settled in the plot, it might not be as exciting for some readers, but I'm trying to wrap this story up and the angst/conflict has to come to an end at some point.

Then this week I received that anon ask which really put a block on my enthusiasm to work as hard as I have on this fic. As much as I've tried not to let it have a negative effect on me it certainly has.

I opened my laptop up today to work on Chapter 10 and shut it after staring at it for a few minutes without typing a single word.

Again, I'm just thinking out loud here and am not even sure of the purpose of this other than to compartmentalize my feelings and have an honest and transparent chat about how difficult things can be for creators to work through struggles and efficiently provide our art for you to enjoy, and when engagement changes or something negative is said how much of an impact it really can have.

I will be continuing and completing Breathe and my goal is to do so before working on anything else, I just hope this story isn't becoming something people are losing interest in and the things I have planned for it are things my readers want to see.

Thank you to everyone who puts up with my nonsense and continues to be so kind and supportive and I hope to return it all to you soon 💗

[widowbitessting]

Heyyy I’m so glad you are back to writing but it’s good to took a break cause breaks are good too!!

Anyway I had a question would the trio do something to celebrate baby finishing finals and the semester?

Hey my love! I remember seeing this and wanting to reply almost immediately then...writer's block hit...and life soooo...hi😅 I am so sorry for the literal, 7 month wait to get back to you *insert face plant gif here* (although I swear I replied to this...cos what I've just written is eerily similar but I can't find that reply anywhere...meh oh well!

All the love (I still can't get over you read my stuff!)

They would for sure spoil you rotten. Like, they've had everything planned for literal months. And kept it all quiet - for months! They wait for you to get back to their apartment, exhausted from your last day, and sit in literal darkness - Wanda literally having to be gagged by Carol to keep her excited giggles quiet - and when you manage to turn the lights on, you all but head butt the ceiling when you see and hear your girlfriends in the living room; Wanda finally being able to let out the excited noises she had been made to keep in. You swear your heart almost jumps out of your throat as you let out a very high pitched scream, arms and legs stuck in a desperate tango of fight or flight.

When you finally, finally, regain enough composure (and your ability to see again), your girlfriends are now standing. Wanda holding up a self made sign that the Trio! had individually put their signatures on - and you can safely say, through tight lips as you try to hold a laugh in, that Art is not any of their strong suits. Natasha and Carol are both holding balloons filled with helium in their hands, and their mouths are still open from their shouts of : "Congratulations!"

It takes you a second or two, to come round; heart pounding loudly in your ears as one hand clutches your chest with vice like fingers. When you finally overcome the panic and register the sweet act before you; you let out a small laugh and cover your mouth.

The living room has been switched to an indoor picnic; blanket lay out on floor with cushions adorned with fluffy blankets and a couple of your favourite stuffed toys. On the couch, an assortment of your favourite foods and snacks, as well as sugary drinks - Natasha reminds you it’s a one time treat to drink them so late in the evening, especially considering you hadn’t drank your total amount of water that day - and you can’t help but zero in on the small bundle of presents that sit beside the food.

You tackle them each for individual hugs and kisses, burrowing into them tightly and thanking them over and over.

“It’s just a small thing,” Natasha says as she squishes you tightly against her, “for all the hard word you’ve put in to your school work.”

“You deserve it and more baby.” Carol adds, kissing you cheek.

“I wanted to take you to Italy but these two said it was too much.” Wanda winks, slapping your ass.

You’re whisked away by Wanda to get changed into brand new pyjamas chosen by Carol - satin ones with matching shorts in your favourite colour - “For easy access.” Wanda adds.

You’re then led downstairs and given the option or eating first or opening presents; and let’s just say, the wrapping paper lasts all but five seconds when they allow you to get to them.

Your gifts are perfect.

A giant teddy bear holding a single rose; and around the stem, the diamond necklace that had caught your eye weeks ago. 

A box of your favourite chocolates. 

A brand new journal and pen.

The last box has your face turning crimson. Underneath delicate tissue lies a lingerie set that leaves little to the imagination. 

“A-are these for any particular event…?” You hold up the bra, eyes near bulging from your head when Natasha holds the matching knickers. 

“These are more for…personal use, baby. Just for us to enjoy.” 

Yeah, there was no way you were going to wear knickers with a slit in the middle out in public. 

The rest of the evening is spent enjoying each other and eating all the rubbish food your tummy can muster.

And when you doze off on the floor around 1am, curled around Carol; Wanda and Natasha cover you in a blanket and snuggle down alongside you.

Everything is perfect.

[54625]

(resident lurker here, hello, sorry in advance for the long message) saw your latest post about art style, and i wanted to say that while it might not be very visible at first sight or to you in general, all of your art does have something in common that sets it apart from everyone else's. i can't really describe it, but if i see it on the tl/in the tags, i know it's you before i even see the username. and it's normal that it looks different too because it's a sign of your progress. i think that's true for everyone, really, that their art is always a little different, a little special. i think art in general should be more about experimenting and free expression. what also stands out to me in your art is the intricate line work, even if there's just a little bit of it, it's still there. i like it a lot. my favorite pieces of yours are the two-part fit art with the rose and the light behind him and the madagio one with the rose as well. also the one with fit at night and ramon with the fireflies. (basically the ones with the most line work LMAOO) i think they're incredible honestly. and yeah, i've been struggling with motivation/inspiration myself lately too. i have so many ideas for both qsmp-related art/writing and stuff outside of it, but it's just not working out :/ let's hope that changes soon for both of us tho because art is always great and sharing it is even better anyways, love seeing your posts, thank you for being a part of the community o7

This is one of the nicest things I've ever read dude

One of the highest compliments any artist can receive is the implication that someone has looked and thought really hard about your work; that they've not glossed over it for a few seconds but actively studied it's aspects. The fact that you see an intricacy in my work that even I don't, but also the fact that you like my art enough to have favourites, is incredibly humbling. The best comments on my art posts, the ones that stick with me the most, are the ones where someone lists all the small details and techniques I've put work into; you going out of your way to point out concurrent details you enjoy across my art is one of the best versions of that I've had.

Thank you so much for this overwhelmingly kind ask, thank you for being part of the community, and I hope you can overcome your art block too, it's a bitch.

I'm not doing too badly at the moment though! Yesterday I was feeling especially burned out but today I finished up an irl traditional painting I've been chipping away at for a good few weeks and I'm feeling a little more positive right now :) it's also in no small part thanks to positive reinforcement like this, making everything feel worth it.

[femmefatalevibe]

hi, idk if you answered this before, but how did you manage to become self-employed by 24? also any career building tips in general?

Hi love! Well, I'm nearly 25 now (Leo baby here, lol) and have been self-employed since around 21/22 full-time. I would say the main factors at play are a combination of starting my career as early as possible (first real internship in the fashion industry at almost 16 and starting freelancing at around 19), earning a full scholarship to a top private university, and freelancing throughout college allowed me to have a lot of time and freedom to work on my skills, build my networks/portfolio, etc. (I'm not going to discount all of the privileges and resources I've had working in my favor, including the ability to begin my postgrad life with zero debts, that would be disingenuous, for certain).

In terms of career advice, I would say here are some of my most important tips:

Figure out where your skills and passions align. Then determine the lifestyle/work culture you thrive in and what sacrifices you're willing to make in your chosen career path (for some, it's always traveling/talking to people 24/7, working late hours, unpredictable/unconventional hours, potentially lower pay/less predictable income, etc.). It truly depends on your top values, your personality, and your goals/priorities in life.

First focus on getting incredibly talented at your craft. Find a mentor(s) who will push you with their feedback/suggestions. Take classes/skills courses/read books & articles to gain more applicable knowledge/hard skills. Join clubs, apply to internships, volunteer, and request informational interviews in your desired field.

Make your skills marketable. Create a professional resume and/or neat portfolio/collection of work samples. Discover and articulate your USP (that should essentially serve as the backbone of your elevator pitch). Frame your skills through a customer/business-centric lens. How does your experience/skillset solve their problems and help a company/client achieve their goals?

Build a network for yourself. Don't be shy to reach out to companies/individuals who inspire you. Speak with your secondary school teachers and professors for connections. Create peer-to-peer networks, too, so you can grow together. Be a fearless networker and connector. Help others, do favors, and make the person glad they met/hired you. Make it your objective to be memorable through your work ethic/providing high-quality work products and showing up with a motivated & overall positive attitude allows people to like and trust you with their time, clients, money, etc.

Master the art of a killer email/cold pitch. Especially in today's world, learning how to sell yourself through intriguing emails/LinkedIn messages is the key to unlocking potential success. One client or opportunity can create momentum that will be useful years down the line, too.

When in doubt, follow up – on an email, pitch, job opportunity, connection, etc.

Be ruthless and relentless with your research. For new contacts, connections, opportunities, and information to support your pitches/job interviews/networking conversations, new technologies, and trends within your field. Read everything credible you can get your hands on. Display working knowledge and practical applications of these concepts and how they can benefit the person in front of you/their business.

Create systems. For how you structure emails/pitches, conduct research, different types of workflows/ work template structures for different types of projects, time-blocking, client funnels, etc.

Get comfortable with rejection. Use it as a primer for self-reflection and refining your craft/processes or help you pivot your approach to help you achieve your goals. Never take business decisions on behalf of a company personally (and vice versa).

Give yourself breaks, but don't give up. Tapping out for good is the only surefire way to fail at an endeavor. Be flexible in your path, but zeroed in on your goal(s). Learn when to quit or pivot, and when it's time to coast or seek growth.

Hope this helps xx

[ceeridwen99]

I've been having such a hard time with my art lately, to the point that I've been art blocked. So art blocked that I've even asked my fan fiction readers for art request of my main couple which I've never done before lololol...)

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why it just won't cooperate...and it wasn't until the two most recent pieces that I figured it out... it's such a simple thing I honestly could smack myself over it.

I don't like rendering...

I know how to render art, and I love some good lighting on a picture don't get me wrong, but I simply find no joy in getting to that point in my art. The older I get and as my taste change, the more I enjoy strong line art with minimal and practically no rendering. And this really shouldn't surprise me because most of the art I enjoy looking at are simpler styles that focus on line art, and movement character, and use flat colors.

I think my obsession with rendering comes back from when I was learning how to draw some odd 20+ years ago (yes I'm old). Back then, rendering was all the people focused on, and you had to be good at it to be considered a good artist. Who would have thought that hearing that as an impressionable child would have stuck with me lol.

Most of the art I've made recently that I've liked the most are the ones where I don't focus much on rendering. Or, when I focus only on rendering the face and leaving everything else pretty blank, or with gradients. And I guess, what I'm trying to say is, if you don't like something in your art then...stop doing it.

Because that's what I'm going to do. I'm gong to start experimenting with my style now by focusing on the things that I like doing, as opposed to the things I feel I should be doing. Maybe then, this horrible art block will go away and I'll stop feeling like shit. QwQ

( want to be able to draw before bed again to relax. TTATT Please, please, brain let this be the issue and work with me...)

[kikuism]

hello mariam!! 💕💖 it fills me with joy when you reblog things from me and i can see the little 'kou' or 'kaname' or 'kiku' tag. they are like old friends to me. how are they doing? and how is your writing going?? i know we both share much less of it (or none of it) on tumblr these days but i hope it's going well. give your ocs a little kiss for me mwah <3

jenna your messages always make me smile 💗💓💞 i always think it's funny how i've done a complete 180 with regards to my writing....i wouldn't shut up about it, and now it’s become absolutely private and personal to me, and the thought of sharing it now feels like it would take a huge leap of faith. but i'm still writing, writing a lot ... with the same old struggles. i wish i wasn't so hard on myself, but that just means i've grown in my skills. still, i wish i could just write freely and without abandon and not pick it apart afterward.

i rotate between kiku kou and kaname all the time!! i literally feel kiku and kou growing up with me, they've been with me for so long....lately i've put them in the taisho era bc it's a fascinating time period in regard to the fusion between eastern and western culture that was flourishing (and causing a lot of anxieties) in the country. i also really love the aesthetics/fashion of this period. kiku and naomi are aloof listless heirs in their huge sprawling estate etc. they just don't really know what to do with themselves. then one afternoon new household staff arrives in the form of a blind boy....

one thing i found really interesting during my research was this concept of 'feminized' masculinity in regards to the increased consumerism and consumption of western culture and aesthetics that was happening in this era; the adoption of western material culture was 'showy' and superficial and therefore it was feminized. contrasted with this more rugged notion of masculinity that rejected everything western and was upheld by conforming to traditional values like devotion to the nation. these two representations of masculinity constituted differing responses to the problem of modernity. the fear that the nation was becoming emasculated in the wake of foreign influence is one i hadn't heard of before...it all comes down to a fear of losing one's identity in the wake of change. can you still maintain a sense of self while evolving into something new? i thought to parallel this change happening on a smaller more personal scale to kou entering the confines of kiku’s home and the feelings he arouses in him. he's puzzled and intrigued and attracted all at once. although his family embraces modern sensibilities in terms of dress and art, it's really just for appearances sake, because at this time it was still mainly the wealthy who could afford these types of clothes and luxuries. on the inside they are quite a traditional family, so there's that tension as well. i also read a little about how servants were portrayed in the literature of this time period, and how in this shared space master and servant sometimes crossed boundaries especially in the way these modern homes were constructed.

oh and kaname!! so much has changed. the assassin plotline has kind of dropped completely......it's not at all what i'm focusing on right now. i've discovered a lot about her through backstory and it's basically all i write now. it's crazy....i felt blocked for so so long with her, but all i had to do was focus on another aspect of her and then the words started pouring out. in this wip i focus on the tensions between those who are living on the fringes of society and the 'normal' people inside, no matter how frugally they might be living. kaname belongs to the former. there was a class of people in the edo period called eta who engaged in professions related to death, blood and the handling of corpses and were therefore considered defiled and unclean by the rest of society and all their work was confined to the outskirts of the villages and neighborhoods. they weren't allowed in these places unless it was to beg and only then at certain times. they were severely ostracized and had to adhere to strict rules regarding almost every aspect from their life, from the way they dressed to who they married, and an eta was considered 1/6th of a regular person. it's .... really hard to do research on the eta bc there don't seem to be that many records from that time and often i need really specific information like what the inside of their huts looked like 😭 i need information on these eta villages and what they were like. kaname works in leather making, particularly skinning hides. she's living a rather numb, listless life and her only solace comes from sneaking off and standing on the great ryogoku bridge that connects her world to the lively world of the other side, where people wear different colored kimono and eat real food and seem to live actual lives. her only friend is a sickly girl named nana who lives deeper in the eta village but who spends her evenings with her after her work drinking tea and eating the slurry of grains that make up their supper.

nana seems content with life, but kaname is restless. she really wants to eat the food she sees being sold at stalls in the village on the other side of the bridge. i love kaname and nana, they're literally 🌑 and☀️.

nana loves taking care of her and kaname is like. ew. stop that. but she tries to do whatever she can to make nana happy bc her smile and laugh soothe her :') not that she examines these emotions too closely or anything. one night during the summer fireworks festival, one of the times when the eta are permitted to enter the inner village, they both go to sell handmade dolls and other paraphernalia in the hopes of getting some alms. but the night ends badly, and that's when kaname's story really starts....

so that's where i am with my writing! it's so hard but it's so fun. the light of my life. and omg i finally posted some kaname stuff 🫣

[singsweetmelodies]

tagged by lovely @car-bo-hydrate to try this <3333

star sign: virgo

favourite holiday: new year

last meal: a hot mug of tea and some south african buttermilk rusks (comfort food breakfast!!! ❤️☕)

current favourite musician: probably taylor swift, but as always, it's hard to choose just one. OOOH! lately, dove cameron is high up on the list too

last music listened to: confetti (acoustic version) by little mix - LISTEN. ever since ms perrie edwards put out a tease that her solo music is coming soon, i have been on a big little mix high again, listening to all my old favourites and hyping myself up sooooo much for that perrie music drop 👀👀👀😍

last movie watched: my girlfriend and i rewatched shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings again last night for movie night <3 LOVE that movie, omfg. both my gf and i firmly declared all michelle yeoh's scenes our favourites 🤭

last tv show watched: you know, it's actually been really long since i've properly watched a TV show, so the answer to this is probably something silly like reruns of FRIENDS

last book/fic finished: 2 different answers here!! last book was iron flame by rebecca yarros (yes, i caved to all the hype and read it on the plane - yes, there were bits that pissed me off, but i mostly enjoyed it) and last fic was one of AO3 user venerat's landoscar masterpieces, "i'll kiss you first" <3

last book/fic abandoned: hmm... i tried to read this rom-com called "you & me: a mlm single dads romance" while on holiday in SA, and i just... couldn't make it more than 5 chapters in. the cringe (& the VERY american focus of... everything...) was just too much for me, especially because i tried to read this right after a super delightful wlw rom-com recommended to me by darling @duquesademiel. after that, this one just... couldn't compare. at all.

currently reading: well, i'm back to work, so my time for books has unfortunately dropped exponentially... all i'm actively reading rn is a bunch of f1 rpf fics, to be perfectly honest

last thing researched for writing/art/hyperfixation: "WHAT COULD CAUSE A SCANDAL IN THE REGENCY ERA" 🤣🤭

favourite online fandom memory: storytime sundays where we tell those long DM fics with @boxboxbrioche and @welightitup <3333

favourite old fandom you wish would drag you back in/have a resurgence: HMMM! i am mostly over all my old fandoms by now, to be fair, but if i really had to choose one... probably one direction?? because a proper resurgence would mean the reunion, right? (right?) ((so maybe i'm not quite as "over it" as i pretend 🤭))

favourite thing that you enjoyed that never had an active fandom: ohhhh, i can't think of a name immediately now, but it's definitely some or other book series that, if it had a fandom at all, was so tiny that i was practically the only person in it 🥲

tempting project that you're trying to rein in/don't have time for: LISTEN. i have had the most awful writer's block for months, and now that i can finally write again, somewhat, all that i want to write are the things that i should NOT be focusing on rn, because those things don't have deadlines but other things do *charles_wtf discord react*

prime example: about 2838474829 piarles smut WIPs and a/b/o and chussyverse explorations, instead of... my PWFE fic. some belated birthday fics. some celebration fics i promised nearly half a bloody YEAR ago. oops 😭😭 but, we'll get there. we will! just like this will be ferrari's year (i am delulu) xD

no idea who's done this yet and who hasn't, so i'm just going to tag some friends and hope i'm not double-tagging anyone - also, if i miss anyone, please feel free to say i tagged you anyway, because i'd love to see your answers <3 @boxboxbrioche @welightitup @hourcat @teamnick @sedicii @francophones @radiocheck, if any of you feel like giving this a go <3333

[convexicalcrow]

Woke up with some inspiration for how to finally finish the oasis room in Cub's pyramid, and then spent the evening procrastinating so hard on it that I built a mortuary temple for the late Pharaoh instead. bc no pyramid is complete without a mortuary temple. It's not quite got finished interiors? But the external stuff is finished enough.

(and yes i have just noticed the missing quartz block on the far right pharaoh statue. I will Fix That later.)

The purpose of mortuary temples was like a memorial chapel, if that description helps at all. The dead were rarely buried here; that's what the pyramids were for. Instead, there was a ka statue in place to receive offerings, usually ritually enlivened in some way so that the deceased could still experience the living world through the senses of the statue. Offerings were given so that the deceased had all they could ever want or need to access. They often had a lot of other buildings attached to them, as well as shrines for various deities, storage rooms, other ka shrines, etc.

The design for this temple was kind of inspired by Hatshepsut's mortuary temple, but I mostly just built what made sense. I didn't want to build the whole complex, because that would get way too big. So instead, I kept it small, and it's a couple of terraces with one building on the top, divided into three spaces.

The outer flat walls I want to decorate further with hieroglyphs or other Egyptian art, but I haven't decided what yet, so I'm leaving them for now. I do have Cub's name in SGA thrown around the place bc why not lol. And the back has a slightly squished copy of the Pharoah art and the cartouche that he put in the farm section of the pyramid. bc I was too lazy to make it 23 blocks tall, so. XD I may still fix that and move things up a lil but idk we'll see if I can be bothered.

This is the ka shrine. This is what you see when you enter the temple. I moved all of Cub's stuff from where he left it near the shopping district and placed it here as offerings. So he has everything he needs. I used a second armour stand to get the elytra behind the main statue, and ofc I wasn't going to turn off my vex elytra for this so. XD He has his vex wings. <3

There's some storage opposite this that I put in to house offerings or whatever else might be needed for the temple to function. The centre part of the wall clearly needs some kind of decoration but idk what yet.

I haven't decided what to do with these two side rooms though. I have been thinking of building a Boat of some kind, but idk. I may fill the space with more hieroglyphs or build some small shrines or maybe even do a Vex thing idk. I'll think on it some more and see what inspires me. And maybe get around to doing the oasis room eventually. XD

Also, since I forgot that I initially opened this world in 1.19 instead of going back to 1.16.4 (I suspect bc I hadn't figured out mods and old installations at the time so D:), I figured I'd just play this in 1.20.1 so I can throw some camels at it just to complete the picture. What the hell at that point, you know? :D But that's for later as well. It's midnight rn and I've done more than enough for today.

[kuu-stuff]

20 October 2024

Got a bad case of art block again... I guess that I start to stress about my comic being good enough again. I delayed this week's part and now only drew like a page per day, what's kind of bad... I feel kind of bad in general, for some reason. Since last week I've been quite depressed and can't focus on anything. And I sleep like 3h per night then another 2 or 3 later in the morning. I don't have energy for anything and it's building up my anxiety. The weather is a little weird too, it's cold at night outside so we don't have the ac on but during the day it's still way too hot but going between cold and hot like that makes me sick. This country is really cursed ah ! ✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰ Since I'm been feeling down it was the perfect time to think about "This time I can share it with you", because it's a depressing story. Yeah you don't know it yet but I poured all my life-saved desperation into it. I'm looking forward to work on it too, it feels like an itch to wait another 2 weeks to do it. I'm still thinking about whatever make it extra sad or have them being cute and happy sometimes. I think both of those idiots are a little bit destroyed beyond repair so it would be more logical for it to go badly on every levels. But I also want to find a believable way to make Silas feel a little better at least. He really cornered himself there... I get it why the author let him die at the end of Da Vinci Code. Anything else would be worse. I mean, the guy had nothing his whole life, was nothing and has no purpose at all. He literally saw himself as a ghost most of his life and then when in prison he was waiting for nothing else but to die. And after being saved by the bishop he seems to not even being super buddy buddy with him, he was mostly admirative of him and wanted to repay him for giving him a life. And he really thought he could do it in the book, thus why he's so smug and all, he really believes he's doing something good, good in the sense that it will bring something good for the bishop and the Opus Dei, he does know that he will have to repent for it for the rest of his life. All he wanted is to be someone. To have a purpose. And to prouve to the bishop that he was right to believe in him. So when it turned out to be a ruse and fell for it so easily, going against everything he believes in as a monk, the bishop learning way too late that he made him kill 5 people, it broke the only image he made of himself since he was a child. It was his only chance at being something. Because even as a monk he was just a monk. With no real goal or future but praying for forgiveness and hoping to someday repay Aringarosa. And at the end all he did was to disappoint him and bring him misfortune. Fucked up. Brown is so cruel lol. His personality is hard for me to get right because his sides of him mix in a way that is hard to understand how he'd behave in situations. Sometimes he's super cruel, sometimes he seems to not care much, sometimes he cares too much and sometimes he helps people and worry for them and seems generally kind. It really depend on the people and the situation. I mean, I get that but I don't know in what category place Sasha. And there is a wide range of emotion he's shown having in the book. And since he's been alone most of his life he might not be able to connect to people at all. So I'm still analyzing him lol. But I love my boy and I'll find a way. Also since I made Sasha even more fucked up in every aspects I'm myself fucked up in, it makes me indulge into very bad thinking working on it and sometimes it goes a bit far and I make myself depressed lol. Poor lady. Silas only being a random dude to her, only makes me wonder how I possibly could make her happier too. And Silas is not the kind of person who could comfort her at all. Ah lala... That story is not going into a great direction is it ?

[puff-mmd]

Brainrotted about the au where kaisei gets together with yakumo first and i'm kinda

Lads i'm kinda leaning into it

DONT GET ME WRONG IT DOESNT LAST LONG AND CIRO/KAISEI IS STILL ENDGAME

But something about ciro feeling like he was too late, that he should have asked kaisei about things earlier, and the whole time even when he's trying to move on he can't help but pine for that handsome dumbass

Meanwhile kaisei is kinda okay with just being with yakumo, but i mean, he's such a loverboy man. He constantly craves getting and giving affection, and yakumo, at this point of time, is incapable of really receiving and returning those loving actions.

For example, i thought of a scene where kaisei is just hanging out at yakumo's place, and he's just chilling on the bed while yakumo works on smth. He's fine for a while, but when he tries to get yakumo's attention, he thinks kaisei just wants to mess around and kaisei is like "no no!! I want to cuddle and just spend time together!"

And yakumo is just, "that's all?"

💀

They don't even last a full year though. I think at some point kaisei is the one to break up with yakumo, and he is honest. He tells yakumo that he's tired of the halfhearted effort that yakumo is putting into their relationship. He needs someone who wants to be involved in their partnership, not just passive all the time. He apologizes, that he can't be the kind of partner yakumo wants; just a warm body.

A little bit later, kaisei has a photoshoot in the same building where yoai and ciro's office is, and he actually runs into ciro.

I imagined it going that kaisei is in the elevator waiting for the door to close, when someone carrying a few layers of clothes is yelling for him to wait. kaisei puts his foot in the door so it won't close, and the person rushes in, panting.

"sorry, thanks for holding it open!!"

at first, kaisei doesn't see who it is, but that voice is so familiar-

the person stands up, and he's met with that green-blue gaze, the color of the sea on a clear afternoon.

as ciro realizes who's in the elevator with him, his heart jumps a little, before stammering out the floor he needs to get to. coincidentally, they are going to the same floor.

as the door opens, ciro stumbles a little, and kaisei catches one of the garments threatening to fall out of ciro's grip. he drops a quick thank you before scurrying out down the hall and into a conference room. kaisei just watches him, knowing that going to the same building presented a chance encounter of seeing him, but to actually have...

a spark of hope lit in kaisei's chest.

he goes off to his own obligation, but afterwards remembers what room ciro had ducked into with the armful of clothes, and he waits down the hall. he's admiring some wall art and other decorations, trying to not look like a stalker, when he hears the door click and a few people exit the conference room talking and laughing. behind them, yoai and ciro follow.

kaisei hears a faint, "wait for me, we'll get lunch but i need to use the bathroom first"

he peeks over his shoulder and sees the blonde standing alone in the hallway, the others having moved on. kaisei is hesitant at first, and his feet feel like cement blocks as he turns to walk towards ciro.

"hey."

damn, why did that come out so choked up?

"oh, hi."

"long time no see, huh?"

"uh, yeah, i guess it has been a while."

the silence that settles between them is suffocating, thick with the tension their past.

"so, i, uhm. i kinda lost your number...and i was wondering if we could get together sometime? i've been wondering how you've been doing,"

ciro stared at the man, who was looking back at him with a hard-to-read expression.

kaisei knew that was a lie - he'd deleted ciro's number, not lost it. and he had some idea of what ciro was up to due to his online snooping, despite his better judgement making him feel worse seeing the blonde going about things as if everything were normal.

their last interaction lingered in both their minds-

it had been at that after party - kaisei learned the truth, he had misjudged ciro, but it was too late. he'd already said yes to yakumo's offer of a relationship.

still, kaisei never quite got the look of hurt on ciro's face out of his head after that. he regretted things he'd done, but that moment had to be at the top of his list.

now, as the two oni's stood in the hallway, ciro silently reached his hand out for kaisei's phone. he tapped in his number, and before he could say anything, yoai's voice rang out.

"cirooo, let's go eat - i'm starving-"

her playful tone died seeing the purple haired oni talking to her coworker. she marched forward, grabbing ciro by the arm and dragging him away.

when they were out of earshot of kaisei, she hissed, "what on earth did he want?"

ciro thought if words could be poison, she'd have killed kaisei with how she talked about him.

"nothing, just, he wanted to chat for a second..."

"hmph. as long as he's leaving you alone now. well, where do you want to eat?"

--

yoai eyed ciro the entire time they were out, especially aware of how often the blonde was checking his phone.

"you gave him your number, didn't you?"

ciro looked away in embarrassment - it wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to know what ciro was doing, but having it put out into the open like that felt harsh.

"he probably won't even message you, just stop bothering with that flake."

just as her words left her mouth, ciro's phone buzzed.

'it's gotta be a work thing, there's no way it's-'

"hey, it's kaisei"

ciro hated the way his heart jumped again, seeing that name on his phone.

"oh my god, it's him, isn't it. just to prove me wrong..."

ciro ignored yoai's comment and messaged back.

"i would have thought as much."

"are you free next saturday? i'd like to meet and catch up with you. 7:30 at club fever?"

before he could write a response, yoai plucked the phone right out of his hands.

"oh no way, you are not going to see him. ciro, you can't waste your time on someone who didn't even bother to talk to you when he had made a mistake and assumed something completely wrong. he's just not worth it."

ciro winced, knowing yoai was probably right. he wanted so badly to see kaisei again, but in his better judgement he agreed with yoai. seeing him wouldn't change anything - he knew kaisei was still with someone after all, and spending time with kaisei again like that would only hurt himself.

yoai placed the phone gently on the table and slid it back towards ciro.

"just forget about him, ciro. for your own sake."

he stared down at the phone, that invitation message still displayed on the screen. with a sigh, he closed the messages app and slid the phone back into his pocket.

--

he tried to forget about that message, and had done well to push it out of his mind, until about 7:20 that saturday. he sat in his office at home, staring at his phone with that invitation pulled up.

'even if i go, he probably won't be there - it's not like i said i'd go after all.'

but his heart ached. something in him whispered that if he let this chance go, there would never be another one.

ciro pushed back from the desk,

"fuck it, if he isn't there i can always drink and cry to the bartender about it."

--

kaisei slumped over the counter, a glass of ice water in one hand and the other being used as a pillow.

'even though he never replied, i still came anyways', he mused to no one in particular.

"you've been here for over half an hour, buddy. if whoever you're waiting for was going to show up, they would have by now."

the oni groaned, too tired to get up and leave just yet. as he turned his head and fixed his eyes on the melting ice in his water, he heard the door to the bar open, letting in a chill from the cool outdoors.

he heard the seat next to him scratch against the floor, but he paid no mind to the sound. it was getting to be a busy time for the little place, so he wasn't surprised someone would sit next to him.

that is until he felt a poke against the top of his head, and that same sweet, melodic voice he could never forget,

"wow, you're already wasted, huh?"

kaisei bolted up, his whole body feeling lighter as he took in the blonde oni on the stool next to him.

"you actually came," he whispered, not intending on letting the words slip out.

"didn't have anything else to do tonight," ciro replied.

they ordered drinks, and sat quietly as they waited.

"so, how have things been? with work i mean, you've been busy with all those ad deals, right?" ciro inquired, leaning on the counter and looking over at kaisei.

"i didn't know you saw any of those,"

"hard not to, your face has been everywhere lately."

the bartender slid the drinks across the counter towards the oni's, and kaisei took a gulp, hoping it would ease his nerves and allow him to talk without sounding pathetic.

"i know i asked you here just to catch up, but..."

he took in a deep breath,

"i wanted to apologize."

ciro stopped mid-drink, slowly putting the glass back onto the counter. he was still, but made no move to get up and leave.

"i'm sorry. when i first saw everything, i should have just talked to you. i was so scared, but instead i just,"

he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, the tightness in his chest and throat threatening to cut him off, but he continued.

"i didn't want to be rejected again, and not by you. i'm sorry."

kaisei gripped the glass, letting the tears fall to the counter - if he moved to wipe them away, it would only make it more obvious that he was upset. besides, he thought if he sat as still as possible, maybe he could just disappear. the silence from the man next to him became more and more overwhelming by the second, making him want nothing more than to take back what he'd said.

"i'm sorry too, you know."

kaisei remained still, but listened carefully.

"when you started acting strange, i should have asked what was going on. i figured...you just needed space, but i was wrong."

ciro let out a dramatic sigh.

"we both messed up, didn't we?"

a dry laugh shook kaisei's body, and he put his hand on his forehead.

"i think that's an understatement, personally"

both men laughed, the sound not quite happy, but one of uncertainty - what else could they do?

ciro nervously eyed kaisei's other hand that rested on the counter. his fingers crept over before gently brushing against the soft skin.

"i really missed you, you know?"

kaisei finally wiped his eyes, and looked at ciro with a gentle smile.

"i missed you too."

--

the two oni's went on about how things had been going. in their tipsy stupor, kaisei divulged that he and yakumo had broken up, and ciro admitted that he had a few hook up's; some more awkward than others.

the night plodded on, and eventually ciro sighed and said,

"i want to go home,"

kaisei froze.

they were having such a good time - but he wanted to leave? had he said something wrong again...?

"come with me."

that warm hand tugged on his again. they paid for their drinks, and like a puppet on strings, kaisei followed ciro out of the bar.

no matter what, neither of them were going to make the same mistake of letting the other go again.

--

lazy ending because i'm getting tired and need to sleep.

[ijustthinkfrogsarecool]

i've been having a rough time the last few days.

it's like... how do i describe this. i left a big discord server last august, and one of my friends from that server just went through and removed herself from all the group chats we were in the other week. that dug all of the group chats back up and made it very real that i'm never going to speak to her again, or the other friend that left my comic server along with the group chats.

i realized that another friend blocked me recently and i don't know why. we haven't spoken in a while, and i tried to apologize, but he just brushed me off... and looking through our message history, i sent the first and last messages of the last half dozen conversations. i don't know why he thinks *i* left *him*.

and then of course the other day i saw that an ex-friend had gone through his blog and deleted everything he'd ever reblogged from me or made for me, or the things i'd made for him. like i was never there. just like my other crumbling relationships.

it's not that i miss any of these people... well, i do miss some of them. it's just putting a huge strain on my mental health lately to feel so... thrown away. every little thing feels like it sets me off- someone forgetting to thank me for doing them a favor, another person sounding nervous or uninterested when i talk to him, another person who tends to leave discord when something is wrong even if i didn't realize i'd *done* something wrong. i'm keenly aware that all of my friends are going to leave me at some point and there's nothing i can do about it. and it's a very heavy thought, makes it hard to connect with people while they're still here. i feel like no one can help me or reassure me and it's making it really difficult to try new things or meet new people or even make my normal art.