#I've been feeling unmotivated recently | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wxwrites · 26 days ago

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waxplay w/ ambessa (drabble)

wrote this in bullet points bc i've been hella unmotivated recently, pls don't hate me. also not proofread. good luck.

(waxplay, r!receiving, fem!reader, afab!reader, praise, degradation, very little dacryphylia, bondage, spreader bar, ambessa refers to reader as "pet" and "little thing.") as always, men and minors dni!

oh you are absolutely in for it, good luck.

she has you sprawled out so you're up towards the head of the bed, but your head is facing the side of it as she's standing against you at the edge. (ur like... laying the wrong way) (this is just so she has access to the table)

she'd bind your pretty wrists behind your back with a thick, red, silky ribbon.

she'd keep your panties stuffed into your mouth, (will take them from you after and keep them.)

your calves are tied to your thighs which are held open by a spreader-bar or something equivalent.

point being— you're entirely immobile and completely at her mercy. which is the only way you ever should be.

sadistic? she sure is, but she isn't cruel to you. she doesn't mind spending the extravagant price on the finest and softest candles for you; she'd never want to genuinely hurt you.

she'll spend some time massaging the tension from your body, using a softly scented body oil to do so.

"you need to loosen up, pet. if you stay tense, you're going to make it hurt even more." she says, gripping a little extra hard on your thigh. "but maybe you'd like that, hm?" she teases.

she grins wolfishly as you moan pathetically, writhing against the bed. she slides a large hand up the back of your thigh, chuckling as she feels the muscle twitch under her hand. she presses it against your chest roughly, forcing the fronts of your thighs to hit your chest

you whine through the makeshift gag as she detaches her hands and reaches over you. she grabs the candle and lighter from the end-table and settles back on her feet.

she lights the candle and lets it burn briefly, trailing a calloused hand down your body as she waits. she gropes your tits and pinches your nipples between her thumb and forefinger as you pant out.

"are you ready, pet?" she asks, but only to listen as you mumble through the soaked fabric between your lips. she finds your desperation cute-- endearing, even.

after you nod eagerly and respond with a "yes, please," that's greatly muffled, she places a rough hand on the inside of your thigh.

she tilts the candle slowly, watching you with low eyes as she pours the liquid onto your abdomen first. "does that feel good, doll?" she asks, obviously knowing the answer as you whimper and twitch beneath the hot liquid.

and her patience for this is excruciatingly good. she could watch you whimper, cry, and tremble for hours if she had the time.

your cries are the prettiest thing she has ever heard, and she makes it known as she forces you to repeat yourself. she tugs your legs up by the bar, granting herself access your chest.

"aw, yeah? it feels good? how good?" she taunts, splattering the wax over one of your nipples. she grins darkly as she listens to you sputter and gasp around the gag.

"that's it, my pretty little thing, tell me how you feel," she encourages, pouring the wax over your other tit.

she continues to pour the hot wax over your body, even moving up to your throat-- relishing in how you moan as it meets your oversensitive skin.

"you want more?" she teases, dragging her fingers down your body, her middle finger over your clit gently. once she gets an affirmative nod, she covers her finger in your slick before slowly pushing it inside of you, making sure you don't get too overwhelmed.

"relax, my sweet," she says gently, her low voice washes over you. "there you go, just take it like the good girl that i know you are," she says, slowly pumping her finger in and out of you.

it's not long before she slides her ring finger in, dripping the wax down your chest as she does so. "you look so pretty for me, such a desperate little thing, aren't you?" she adds on, watching you whimper and twitch.

"aww, are you gonna cry?" she mocks, but there's no actual heat behind it. she simply gets enjoyment out of watching you writhe in pleasure.

the teasing does bring you over the edge, finally releasing the tears that had been building behind your eyes from the onslaught of pain and pleasure. she continues the slow pace, one that is fast enough to bring you the pleasure you need, but nowhere near what you need to actually cum.

she continues to work her fingers inside of you, curling them perfectly against your gummy walls. "are you getting close, my love?" she asks, smirking as you whimper a loud, "yes, please, please,"

she blows the candle out and sets it back down on the end table. she pulls the panties from your mouth and stuffs them into her back pocket.

she reaches for the latch on the bar and pries it off of both of your ankles, continuing to move her fingers inside you all the same.

"look at how good you look," she says, bracing one of her knees on the bed as she reaches forward and tangles her hand in your hair. she grips the strands tightly before yanking you forward, forcing you to look down at the red splotches covering your body.

"haa— fuck," you whimper and squeeze your eyes shut. more tears leaking down your cheeks at the harsh grip in your hair.

"i said look, you brat," she demands, giving your hair a tug.

your eyes shoot open and obey her, watching as her thick fingers move in and out of you-- creating utterly obscene and disgusting sounds. your slick is dripping into the palm of her hands and onto the silken sheets. you look utterly debauched, wrecked, and entirely out of your mind.

"do you wanna cum?" she asks again, holding you up by your hair. it's uncomfortable, but she holds you up regardless.

"please, please, i need to cum so bad," you whine, writhing in the bed and rolling your hips down.

"i'm sorry, what'd you say?" she asks, grinning as you release another whimper. "please, i've been so good, please lemme cum," you slur, wet tears coating your face.

she picks up her pace, the palm of her scarred hand rubbing up against your clit as she moves her hand. "c'mon, pet, let me watch you," she murmurs, pulling your head back so that she can look down at you.

"i wanna watch while you fall apart like the desperate whore you are," she says, holding your eyes with hers as she pulls you over the edge.

you release over her palm, whimpering and moaning loudly. "oh—mmm, thank you, thank you," you gasp out, clenching down around her fingers.

she slows down her movements, choosing a more languid pace as she helps you ride out the high.

she pulls her fingers from between your thighs and sucks them into her mouth, moaning as your taste hits her tongue. "there she is," she murmurs, leaning forward to press her lips to yours.

you moan at the taste of yourself, starting to squirm in your binds.

"come here, sweet pet," she coos, wrapping a hand your back as she helps you sit up. she works the ribbon off of your wrists first, stroking her thumb over them soothingly.

as you bring your hands up to run over her biceps and shoulders, she works diligently on getting your legs untied, as well. she helps you stretch them out, gently stroking her hands over them.

"you took me so well," she compliments, pressing her lips to yours gently once again. "what do you need?" she asks, slowly beginning to peel away the now dried wax.

"just hold me?" you request, which earns you an immediate nod from her. "let me clean you off first, my dear. you're going to get uncomfortable and grumpy if the wax stays on you for much longer," she chuckles.

and so you let her scrape the wax off, using a dull blade.

she'll scoop you up into her arms and settle back down on the bed with you, supporting your shaky hands as she makes you drink water.

once you're both comfortably lying down, she'll pull you on top of her, keeping a hand on the back of one of your thighs, and the other cradling the back of your head.

tag list:

@lexi2000 @supalcina-3 @pearldaisy

#arcane #ambessa x reader #ambessa medarda #fanfiction #arcane ambessa #ambessa smut #wlw post

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kismetlotts · 2 months ago

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Boyfriend Johnny Mactavish who definitely pushes boundaries or insists way too much whenever reader tells him she’s tired or needs a break. He just gets so touchy, especially when the reader wants some alone time, just randomly visiting to stay there all weekendg and creampie her or just dragging her to his place👀

Oh 100%. Bless him.

cw: shower sex, mentions of oral sex on him, dubcon, creampie, use of 'good girl', manipulative Johnny, probably bad writing since I've been so unmotivated recently

The way I see it, the poor sod is just so desperate and needy for you- he just doesn’t care if it’s right or wrong to keep forcing it upon you. You’re his, he’s yours- of course he’s going to be beside you every single minute of every single day.

Johnny needs the reassurance of your body, your wet little pussy, so he can feel strong and feel like a man. A constant reminder of what he’s protecting and how fucking incredible you are as you squeeze around him and cry out his name. He just needs you sometimes and, well, he doesn’t mean to be little mean; little manipulative.

He knew you were correct, the two of you hadn’t even been seeing each other that long so respectfully you need some time to yourself. Some time to think, breathe- sleep- blah blah blah. Why couldn't you see that he has needs to? See how being away from you makes him feel? How horny he gets?

Johnny just doesn’t understand, and probably never will, because being together- in a relationship- means you’re bonded forever, right? He’s your boyfriend so what harm is there being so involved in your life? You were eventually going to get married and live together what's so wrong with picking up the pace of things?

He would be pushing back the shower curtain and hopping in beside you quietly. His dark eyes set on yours as his cock sprung up and leaked at the sight. Your hair drenched with water, body carelessly on display for him. All of your fucking body- for him.

Slowly, he'd reach out, his cold hands caressing the smooth skin underneath the warm water making you squeal and jolt forward. You didn’t even realise he was in your house let alone crawling into the shower with you. This was the one day a week you had alone time, no work- no family and no Johnny but here he was in front of you. Cheeky grin on his face because the bastard knew.

He’d lock you against the wall of the shower, the pressure of his body bruising yours but you gave into him. Let him use you now and hate yourself later because you didn’t have the strength to shove him away. You should but you just couldn’t- maybe it was because you enjoyed it. Thick hard cock ramming into you as he fucked you against the wall.

Gripping your thighs and grunting like an animal as your wet skin interlocked with his. Your arms around his neck, eyes shut as the room steamed up. Dick twitching before cumming so hard-filling up his good little girl with his warm semen before propping you on your feet. Grabbing a sponge to clean you and hoping that would make up for the little encounter.

And again, later that evening. His wide muscular build taking up most the bed but he’d keep you close. Devious eyes watching as you slip into bed with an exasperated huff, tired from your shower and from the day. To him peppering you with neck kisses and a rampage of groans because he wanted you again.

He’d have you on your knees, looking up at him as a yawn left your lips. God forbid- Johnny felt bad and let you rest, watched your mouth widen with exhaustion and realised what he was doing was unfair and wrong- No. He saw your yawn as an opening, slamming himself down your throat and that was all.

What kind of girlfriend would leave her boyfriend in such state of desperation? Men have their needs too.

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spctrsgf · 1 year ago

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the cantina

summary: men at a cantina are never a good sign. luckily, you’ve got one small trick up your sleeve that you didn’t even know you had.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: f!reader (din uses the nickname “sweet girl,” I'M SORRY I COULDN'T PASS THE OPPORTUNITY UP), mentions of sex, protective din (deserves his own warning), fluffy as hell

a/n: i am SO sorry for my lack of activity, i've been so unbelievably unmotivated :((( here's an old fic i wrote because protective din has my heart and soul<3

“Hey.” Your head picks up at the sound of Din’s modulated voice, dragging you out of your head. The kid lets out a garble as your attention turns away from rubbing between his ears, but he quickly quiets when you resume your earlier motions. “Mhm?” Your eyes land on the thin strip of glass on his helmet in an attempt to hold his own gaze.

“Would you like to come with us?”

Your eyebrows furrow. “To?”

Din’s helmet lifts as if in confusion, and it seems to hit him that he never vocalized his plan. “Into town. I need to meet Karga and the kid needs food.”

You look down at the kid, his pearly black eyes now pleading, and relent almost instantly. “Sure.”

Din nods, leaning against the wall as you get yourself together. You could feel his eyes tracking your moves, even through the visor, but he wasn’t judging. Just observing. It’s slightly unnerving, but you try to let it slide off your back. Pulling on a light jacket and sealing the kid in his capsule, the three of you then head on your way.

You follow Din as he weaves diligently through both buildings and people, but it’s not like anyone’s really getting close. The locals lend you the courtesy of their attention as you pass, stopping to watch with folded emotion. Maybe they don't get many passersby here.

Nonetheless, the harsh stares punch and stab their tiny claws into you as you fold in on yourself. The new notion makes you unbearably uncomfortable. In contrast, Din stays tall in front of you, the beskar wrapped around him serving as a barrier.

You drop your head at the snarl of one man you made the mistake of connecting eyes with, picking up your pace. As your footsteps become mindless, your mind prepares to delve into itself with the questions you’d since busied yourself away from since leaving the Crest.

Why did he offer to take you with him?

Why was he talking to you now? He used to be so quiet.

Did he feel unsafe without you?

No, that wasn’t it. You couldn’t protect him half as well as he could on his own under all that armor. Hell, he was the one protecting you.

Was he worried about you?

No, let’s be realistic here. He’s worried about the kid, and the kid’s recently taken a liking to you. Din wasn’t worried about you, he didn’t return your feelings…

You yelp as you nearly run into the said man’s back, avoiding a gnarly bruise from the rocket he had strapped on. Din turns, and you take a step back with increasingly red cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t know we had stopped,” bubbles out of your mouth.

He doesn’t say anything, just holds open the door for you to step in. It wasn’t meant to be rude, you know; he just didn’t talk unless he had to.

But, he didn’t have to ask you if you wanted to come earlier, he could have just told you to-

You squash that thought as you step into the cantina, straightening your shoulders. The atmosphere squeezes the air out of your lungs as everyone turns towards you. Or more accurately, Mando.

He nudges you in gently as he sweeps past you, Karga already having his ecstatic greeting halfway out of his mouth.

You hover near the door, unsure of what to do. Sighing, you stride towards the bar, deciding to buy a drink and keep yourself occupied until Mando is done. You feel a cascade of eyes on you again, but this time, they’re on you for a different reason. You will your shoulders to not slump as you pull at your attire, now hating the way it hugged your form.

You gingerly place yourself on a barstool, ordering a random soda in a haste to have something to do. The bartender droid slides the drink to you, but before you can catch it, a hand reaches out to grab it.

“Put it on my tab.” The man next to you says as he plops himself onto the seat next to you. You reach out with a hand that shivers to grab the drink, meeting his gaze with a small smile.

“Thanks, but I can pay for it.”

The man shakes his head. “How could I let someone as stunning as you pay for it? Please, allow me.”

“Alright then. Thank you.” You take a sip of the drink. He seems nice enough.

“I’m Qui.” He holds his hand out.

You respond with your name, meeting him halfway to shake, but instead of doing that, he lifts your hand to his mouth, placing a kiss on the back of it.

You swallow deeply, retracting your hand. Is he flirting with me? Your brain swirls with this newfound discovery. No, that’s bullshit, don’t push it. Your eyes flick across his face quickly before dropping down to your drink. He wasn’t that cute at all, really. You much prefer men that wear a beskar helmet and have a kid with big green ears.

…too specific?

You could feel Qui’s gaze on you as you watch the condensation drip down the side of your glass, hovering in places that make you squirm. Oh Maker. You shift uncomfortably, apparently wiggling too much for the man next to you. His hand shoots out to grip your arm alarmingly fast, and you freeze, unsure whether or not to push him off. “Aren’t you gonna finish that drink, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. You hate that nickname.

You cough to clear the shake in your voice, turning to meet his intense purple eyes. “I’m okay, thanks. I actually have some business I need to attend to, but thanks for the chat. And the drink.” You turn to walk away, but his hand grips your arm harder, yanking you into his chest.

“I’ll come with you. Someone as attractive as you shouldn’t be walking home alone.” His eyebrows wiggles suggestively.

You shake your head, pulling away from him again. “I’ll be fine, really. It’s just a few blocks away.”

Qui puffs out his chest slightly. “Are you sure?”

You nod, expelling out a quick; “Yep!”

“Could I get a method of contact then, love?”

Love. You only want to hear that one from one person's mouth, and it definitely wasn’t Qui’s.

“Uh, maybe another time?” You back up slightly, unsure of how to reject someone when it’d been so long since you’d been asked.

Qui surges forward and grips your arms again. “C’mon, please? You know you wanna meet up with me again.”

Maker, how big is this man’s ego? It certainly wasn’t helping that everyone’s now turning to watch the scene unfold in front of them, none even thinking of reaching out a helping hand.

You yank yourself from his hands, taking on a sense of urgency. “No. I said no.”

Qui’s face twists into a sour frown, jutting out a quip of your name and then “Give me fucking something to contact you with.”

“N-“

Qui leans in, and you could smell the foul smell of alcohol reeking from his breath. “I said give me something. I won’t ask again.”

“Please stop.” You put your hands up and step back, beads of sweat rolling down your back.

“Give it!” He yells, and if people weren’t looking then, they sure are now.

You decide that words weren’t going to get through to this man, no matter how hard you tried. Frozen in place, you brainstorm as quickly as you could. You need something that would threaten him, or even someone-

“Is there a problem here?”

Ah. Like that.

You hear Mando come up behind you, jumping slightly when his hand grips the side of your waist as he comes to stand next to you. Qui frowns, muttering your name in confusion. “Who’s this-“

“I’m a Mandalorian.” Mando didn’t offer his hand out, only a tilt of the helmet.

“Well yeah, I see that-“ he turns to you with a sickeningly sweet smile. “C’mon, you're hanging with him? Ya haven’t even seen his face, I bet.”

Mando’s hand tightens around your waist, and if looks could kill, Qui’d be fucking dead. A pile of fucking bones.

You surge out of Mando’s grip in a wave of anger, coming up to Qui’s chest. “I don’t need to see his face to know he’s not a fucking asshole like you.”

Qui’s smile only falters for a few seconds before it renews even brighter. “Ah, I’m an asshole like this? Because you might be saying something different if you and I left right now.”

Qui’s hand raises to grip your hip, but you’re being yanked backwards into a metal covered chest before he can do so much as move. Your shoulders relax as you puff out breaths of air, coming down from your surge of anger. Mando wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you both diligently out of the cantina, dropping a few credits to a waitress on your way.

The walk back to the ship is quiet, and you’d assume Mando is upset at you if it weren’t for the hand that grips your shoulder tightly. You and the kid are ushered in before Mando closes the hull door almost aggressively.

You busy yourself with situating the kid as Mando watches the door close, silent. The green eared menace is already half asleep, so you don’t bother taking him out of his pod, only wrapping a blanket around him.

You go to turn around to plot the coordinates to your next destination, knowing that Mando is preoccupied in the depths of his helmet, but when you turn, you nearly bump into the said man.

His hands fly to your cheeks in a millisecond, tilting your face left and right as if you had just been in a fight. You let him turn you around to fully assess you, confused at display of affection. As soon as you come back to face him, your eyes dart around his visor like you would be able to read him.

“Are you alright?” Mando’s voice cuts through the silence of the hull. “I- I’m okay, yeah.” You mumble, going to tilt down your face.

A gloved hand catches your chin and tilts it back towards him. “That’s not very convincing.”

“Mando, im fine-“

“Din.”

Your breath catches. “Um, yeah. Din, I’m fine. Just a little shaken, I’ll be okay. I think.” You lift up a hand that’s shivering as if it’s cold.

“You’re okay,” He states, and upon hearing two words that you’d never thought you’d hear from Din’s mouth, you relax slightly into his infinitely stable grip. “He’s not here.”

You nod, believing him. You go to pull away, feeling better now, only for the shock of the whole experience to hit you like a truck. Your chin wobbles as tears threaten to spill over the ducts of your lids.

Din’s helmet lifts up sharply, and if you weren’t so focused on crying in front of the strongest man you knew, you would have registered it as fear. Your eyes flick downwards as a tear slipped out, not wanting to look at him. His hand shifts to your jaw as he wipes the tear away with a care you’d only seen him extend to the kid, gloves kissing the skin of your cheek.

“I’m sorry,“ you burst out of Din’s grip in embarrassment, hiding your face. “This is stupid, I shouldn’t be crying-“

“No,” Din snarls, the ferocity of the word causing your head to shoot up. “No, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, it’s that idiot’s fault for touching you,” his hands grab at your forearms like a little kid and drags you towards him again, capturing you in a tight hug. “I swear I would’ve- I wanted to-“ he takes a deep breath. “You’re okay.”

You two stand like that for a while, Din whispering reassurances that you weren’t sure were for you anymore. You cry a storm and a half into the crook of his neck, between the lip of his helmet and the edge of his undershirt, finally calming down enough to pull away some minutes later.

But, when you move to pull back, Din’s arms don’t budge. You relent your efforts almost immediately, knowing deep down in your gut that both you and him need this connection now. You weren’t complaining, anyway– this is something you’d wished would happen for so long. Maybe not under these circumstances, but you would take whatever you could get.

“Din,” you mumble into his shoulder. “I’m okay. I’m here.”

“Please don’t leave.” He barely says those three words, but you hear them loud and clear.

You tighten your grip on him. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me now.”

He let out a huff of air, and you couldn’t tell whether it was a huff or a laugh. “You were never a nuisance.”

You flush. “Ah, well that’s good news.”

Din let his helmet drop to your shoulder, the cold beskar a contrast to your burning skin. “You’re amazing. I don’t deserve you, sweet girl.”

Sweet girl. Now that was a nickname you could get used to. In fact, you already loved it.

#din djarin #din djarin fluff #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian fluff #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x reader #star wars #star wars imagine

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exhumd · 5 days ago

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hey y'all . recently i've been feeling a little uncomfortable here and unmotivated in writing for anything here. there have been a few things that have led up to this feeling and none of it is anybody's fault . i think i've accumulated a lot of followers and i haven't written as much as i feel like i ought to be. so i'll be remaking, starting over with a new alias and the new blog will be more selective / private .

if you want me to follow you from the new blog when i'm done with it please like this post .

#🪦 𝖮𝖴𝖳 . ﹟ ` ▸ i'll sleep when i'm dead ◞

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neptunescore · 8 months ago

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Unpopular opinion

But I really think that if Logan had been able to go through F2 fully and develop like everyone else (except max) did, and was put on a ran that wasn’t Williams, he’d be a much better driver. I can tell he’s improving currently, but he’d be so much better if he was allowed to grow and thrive and then put into F1, but he was taken out of F2 early, dumped into F1, and expected to perform amazingly.

Not every driver can skip F2 or be taken out early and perform great. I think the old team principal set him up for failure but not sporting him to continue his endeavors on F2. He was doing well so the team principal wanted to get to him before any other team could and that ultimately led to Logan’s horrible first season.

And I also think he was done wrong by Williams this season too. I understand that he’s by no means the best driver on the grid, but he isn’t the worst either.

A lot of people don’t want to acknowledge the growth he has made since last year. His year was ruined before it could truly began. With what happened in Australia, the team took his confidence away, and things went down from there. He was so ready and extremely confident, but his car was taken as punishment for something that his teammate did to his own car.

I get that it was a decision based on who could get points, but what really did it was the fact that Alex didn’t get any points and then Logan got his busted up chassis

And even recently, Logan barely got upgrades. He was given stuff from last year. I think he would do so much better on a different team because Williams obviously do not care for him the way they care for Alex. I get that he hasn’t really been driving the way they want him, but to be honest, neither has Alex.

I don’t know, man, this is just my opinion, but I feel like if he was allowed to finish his formula 2 season and then put into formula 1 things would be better for him. And if he weren’t in Williams, then that would be even better. They are known as the worst team on the grid to put a rookie in.

Another unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think he deserves another chance in a team like haas. I know you’re probably going to disagree with me, but haas has a better car than Williams and they would treat him fairly. He would also bring the team many sponsors as the only American, so it would be a win-win.

We don’t know how he would perform in a different team with a better car, so I’m just saying I would like to see what would happen

Honestly I agree with everything uve said here anon, like wholeheartedly.

I'm just gonna add a few more things, but overall, we both have the exact same opinions.

I feel like ppl forget that williams is literally an OVERWEIGHT car, like u literally can't expect amazing results from them, and I know some of you are gonna talk abt how alex seems to be doing rlly well, but alex has been here since 2019. Not to forget that he was part of that redbull shitshow, like this man is fully trained in the art of surviving under stressful situations, and he's also an experienced driver.

I feel like there's more hate on logan bc ppl keep seeing how well Oscar's doing, and those 2 came into F1 at the same time. But you literally can't compare them. You can't. Oscar's one of the VERY few rookies who managed to adjust to f1 that quick, and logan literally just needs TIME like all the other drivers got when they first joined too. Not to mention how SUPPORTING mclaren is of oscar, while james vowels is out there already talking abt different driver options and williams is so blatantly unmotivating of logan. God, ofc it's just gonna affect his performance even more bc this is the ONLY team hes been with, and it's his SECOND year, he needs affirmations and support.

Oscar is also in an AMAZING car, and as I've said bfr, logan is NOT. Ppl rlly need to stop comparing them.

All in all, his situation makes me so sad.

#nep's inbox🪐#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #williams #james vowels #logan sargeant #oscar piastri

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thelunarsystemwrites · 6 months ago

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Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

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