#I've accepted I'll probably lose followers because of this

[galactic-rhea]

yikes.

I hope you're happy @squad-724 and @helloyesthisisdilophsaurus

[ascendedice]

ROBOTIC AFFIRMING - WHAT TO DO IF YOU TRIED BUT YOU STRUGGLED.

soo hi guys sorry it's been a while I've been really busy 😭 anywayy, let's get into it. I'll show you the steps I followed that helped me start robotic affirming all the time. 1 - WHAT IS ROBOTIC AFFIRMING? in it's simplest form, the way I understand it - affirming something over and over without emotion (or with if you want, up to u) a lot. it can really help you with your shifting & manifesting mindset. basically you repeat it over and over again until your mind gets SICK OF IT and accepts it as a fact. you've probably heard of it, tried it for a little but got distracted and stopped instantly. me too so its alright 😭 how to start doing it? here's how I did it - 2 - PICK AN AFFIRMATION i really suggest picking one simple, straightforward and really open affirmation. for example: I am a master shifter or I am a master at manifesting from now on, the guide will be based around "I am a master shifter" because shifting can be used for literally anything 3 - YOUR BELIEFS AROUND THE AFFIRMATION first, what is a master shifter to you? i want you to take your time, make an actual mental note of what you want master shifter to mean for you. an example: "a person who shifts successfully on every single one of their attempts, no matter the reality or the environment they are in." an example for manifesting: "a person who manifests everything instantly without any time lag, as soon as they intend to" what is a shifting attempt to you? for me, it's simply having the intention to shift. that's all it is. therefore, you shift every time you intend to. no matter what. that's it for the beliefs, it goes the same way for manifesting too so no worries there :) 4 - HOW TO START ROBOTIC AFFIRMING i have a really hard time forcing myself to do something too, that's why you can try building a habit! basically, find something you do all the time. something like drinking water, writing, drawing, any of your hobbies/other habits and try to force robotic affirming onto them. every time you become aware/remember abt robotic affirming, start doing it and eventually in a few hours even you will start doing it subconsciously all the time you do that habit in without realizing it. that's how i did it, rn im trying to make myself robotic affirm everytime i win/lose a round in a game im playing and it seems to be working as well as the other things thats it! remember, YOUR BELIEFS SHAPE REALITY. just assume that robotic affirming even for 1 minute will change your entire mindset and it will lmao thats how easy it is

[midnightlizard]

Can I request an Amelia Sheperd x reader where they get stuck in the elevator together?

Stuck

Amelia Shepherd x gn!reader

Warnings: none

A/N: hi guys...I kinda disappeard didn't I...I'm sorry for all the requests but I literally couldn't put words on a page (also life happened so...) hope you like this

Word count: 1.8k

-

-

"do I get to scrub in?"

"scrub in in a surgery that doesn't exist?"

"yea but it will, his liver is completely useless now so he will soon give in and accept a transplant" it always surprised you just how eager interns were to participate in any surgery they could get their hands on. Someone should probably teach them to be considerate of the patients' fear and distress. But to be completely fair no one taught you that when you were an intern yourself, so you weren't the right person for the job. "I mean, it's awful but I've never done a liver transplant"

As your eyes were busy looking at the tablet in your hands, you heard quick footsteps approaching you from behind; you wouldn't have given them any thought, had you not heard the familiar voice you were dreading to hear.

"where are you headed?" Amelia slows down once she reaches your level, leaning her shoulder slightly against your arm.

"hi, hello" you greeted, your voice a little too high, making it a little too obvious she caught you off guard "uh E.R., see if I can be of any help. You need something?"

She took a minute to answer, glancing at the intern on your right "killing time, I have surgery in a couple of hours. Can we talk?"

You stammered for a bit, trying to come up with a believable excuse "I uh, I can't, because Yasuda-" you pointed towards her, who seemed surprised by the attention "won't leave me alone until I let her assist in a liver transplant, you know how interns are" you topped it off with a forced smile.

It didn't take long for Amelia to detect the surprise on the intern's face, and a smile took over her lips. She got behind you, putting her hands on your shoulders "Yasuda? I'm sure Dr. Y/L/N would love to have you in their O.R. Now, can you leave us alone?"

"sure! yea, of course" she wasted no time in taking the neurosurgeon's word for it and happily got out of the way.

When you turned around, you were met with Amelia' s winning smile.

She shrugged her shoulders when your own slumped; as soon as she opened her mouth however, your finger in the air stopped her "nope, I still can't talk. I have to go to the E.R."

"I'll come with you, you might need a neuro consult" she started following you to the elevator, having trouble matching your fast pace.

You dared stopping only once your feet stepped into the elevator, and pressed the button that will take you all the way down to the first floor "why don't you just enjoy your break?"

Unfortunately, the doors weren't as fast as your body, giving the brunette enough time to sneak in, keeping the victory smile on her face.

Her back was leaning against the wall, opposed to your body standing anxiously in front of the doors, itching to get out of there as soon as possible.

To be fair, you knew this was coming, you knew what she wanted to talk about. You just wished she could forget about it.

"So.."

"It's April" you quickly interrupted her, announcing your obviously not beeping pager "she says a patient will probably need surgery. There goes my break"

"Then in the meantime we could-"

"I'll let you know if we need you, okay? You should rest, you have surgery in an hour right?"

"two hours, but that's not-" and if she was that stubborn to have that conversation in here, you were just as stubborn to avoid it.

"ugh can't this thing go any faster" you muttered under your breath. You tried pushing the button several times, hoping it'd go faster despite knowing better. And the ticking was much easier to bear than whatever the brunette had to say.

The motion however completely backfired, as the ticking sound was replaced by a much louder one, and you found yourself almost losing your balance.

It took you half a second to realize the elevator stopped.

"Did you stop the elevator?" Amelia came up behind you and looked over your shoulder.

You quickly retracted your hand, as your eyes moved between the panel and the surgeon, the first time you looked at her since you got into the elevator.

"No I didn't. It wasn't me"

She gave you one last look, before shrugging her shoulders "either way, we're stuck"

You closed your eyes shut and let out a low groan, surprising Amelia when your forehead collided with the wall.

Apparently, all the other elevators stopped altogether - unknowingly relieving some of your guilt - and Bailey assured you she'd try to get you out asap.

But the chief was probably walking around with a broken watch, since it has been almost half an hour and you were still there.

You'd soon gotten comfortable on the floor, leaning back against the wall with your legs stretched forward. Amelia sat next to you, legs crossed.

While this closeness would normally make you feel all kinds of ways, now it just made you feel one thing. Uncomfortable

"We might as well talk about it, you know. We don't know how long we're going to be stuck in here for" her characteristically low voice filled the empty air, as the white coats filled the empty space between your bodies.

You sighed, not giving in "there's nothing we need to talk about"

She furrowed her brows, showing an incredulous smile. "You kissed me"

"pfft barely"

"oh I remember a tongue"

You looked at her, mouth agape and cheeks red. There was definitely tongue. You shut your mouth.

After your lack of response you could see Amelia getting restless, bouncing her leg and looking all around the small space.

"I'm sorry" you uttered, catching Amelia's gaze in the corner of your eye "I shouldn't have kissed you" ignoring the small -hopeful- part of your brain that remembers her kissing you back "I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have gotten in the way of your relationship with Owen" they're married fo god's sake, what the hell were you thinking?

Another silence fell between you two, before you heard muffled giggles coming from the brunette.

"Wait, are you laughing? There's nothing to laugh about" you looked at her with a scowl, but you couldn't deny the fluttering of your heart at the sound.

Amelia removed her hand from her mouth, revealing cheeks almost as red as your ears, and the cutest smile on her lips. "I'm not with Owen anymore" The embarrassment left space for you confusion, prompting the neurosurgeon to continue "we're not quite divorced yet because the procedure takes so so long-" she clarified with a sigh "but we broke up months ago. Did you seriously not know?"

You were once again at a loss for words "uh well, I guess I haven't really been paying much attention" since you started avoiding Owen too, it made sense you didn't know.

"yea because you were too busy running away from me" she remarked, with only the tiniest bit of anger "but why?" she whispered, examining your side profile "why kiss me and run away?"

"because I wanted to, kiss you" you confessed, it took a lot of willpower, but it felt good to finally let it out "you were looking at me with those big eyes and you were smiling and you looked so pretty, so I went for it. And god it felt so right. But by the time I realized what I had just done and took a step back- you weren't smiling anymore. So I ran away" your voice had gotten quieter, but before Amelia could respond, you continued "in my head you were with Owen and that meant instant rejection. But now that I know you're not-"

"It doesn't mean instant rejection" she finished your train of thoughts. She licked her lips "do it again"

You turned your head to find Amelia sitting on her knees in front of you, closer than before "what?"

"kiss me again" she stated, as if it didn't affect her at all "let's see if you're met with rejection"

It was impossible to misinterpret that look, as much as you wanted to. It was the same look she gave you after the first kiss, full of vulnerability and desire. Although you were too engrossed in your own mind to see anything but a mistake.

Before you could overthink it even more, you felt Amelia's warm breath on your lips, as she was just mere inches away from you. Waiting for your next move.

You slightly lifted yourself off the ground and met her halfway.

Just like the first time your lips danced in sync with each other, Amelia's hands through your hair acting as a warm welcome. It wasn't as short as the first time though, this time none of you dared to step back, air be damned.

Your hands moved from off the ground to grip her waist under the white coat, causing a surprised whine to erupt from her mouth . She put her hands on your shoulder to steady herself so she could easily climb onto your lap.

Just as you were about to ask yourself if it was justifiable to have sex in an elevator after being trapped for over an hour, there was a ding in the small space and suddenly Amelia got off you and you were blinded by the new light coming in.

Several people were now looking at you, including Bailey and Karev.

"Thank you for your work boys" she thanked the technicians, before looking at you up and down and changing her whole demeanor "now my doctors can finally go back to work" you smiled at her, trying to make up an excuse of what she saw but she shut you up instantly "get up you two, before I lock you in there again."

You and Amelia scrambled to your feet and quickly fixed yourselves with a low chant of 'sure thing' 'of course' and 'sorry'. Bailey gave you another pointed look, before going away with the two men. Amelia ran away in the opposite direction, not before smiling at you, light blush still on her cheeks.

You turned around, only to meet Karev's smug face. Honestly, why was he even here?

"what?"

His laugh clashed with your deadpan expression "nothing. I mean, almost having sex in an elevator? When they could open the door at any second? That's some risky fantasy" there was some evident amusement in his statement, in what seemed like a compliment in his own twisted way, but before you could shut him down your phone buzzed. And the heat returned to your face.

from 'Amelia':

-my shift ends in four hours

-I'll see you in the locker room, to talk

-don't run away this time <3

You put your phone in your coat pocket before Alex could see it and tease you even more "yea whatever, at least I score" you could feel him stiffen slightly beside you "bye Karev" you showed a polite smile, before disappearing from his vision.

to 'Amelia':

-I'll be there

-promise

Amelia Shepherd Masterlist - Grey's anatomy Masterlist

General Masterlist

[cerastes]

Hey. It's been a while. I think it's right to update you on stuff so tl;dr I'm probably not going to be around for some time, and if I am, it'll be in a diminished capacity, but if you're interested, do check under the cut. I'll also immediately state that I am not in any dangerous situation, it's other stuff, but I'll immediately dispel that before the cut just in case you just wanted to know that in particular.

Let's talk for a bit.

Long story short, the economy here is in shambles. The idea was for me to already have a new job, but that's not gone according to plan. I've been eating into my savings for a while now, and the people that told me that I had a job lined up for me September or at the latest October, meaning, this month, have been ghosting me. It seems to not be an option anymore, and no explanation was ever given to me. A shame, because it came from a place of relative trust.

This has eaten away at my nerves somewhat, and though it is the month of my birthday, I can't help but notice that, between the economy being this bad here, how hard it's been to land another job, and the fact that I'm eating into my savings, well, it's got me more than a bit worried. I'm not in any immediate danger of losing the roof over my head, or starving, or anything like that, but after a few months of "well, my savings take yet another hit this month with no end in sight", it's been rather rough, you'll understand, and it's compounded a bit. For just a second, and not as a primary, secondary, or even tertiary plan, more like a twenty-eighth measure if anything, I did entertain the dark idea of maybe asking for a bit of help here, and the moment that thought came up, I realized, "Ok, this is truly and well affecting me, I never want to do that", because, again, it's not like I'm in any immediate danger of homelessness or anything that grave, but it's been weighting on me enough that, even as a distant glint in the horizon of an idea, I did consider it. I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here, but for over a decade that I've had this blog, and the community/following/whatever you want to call it that has grown around it, I've never once asked for something like monetary help, because I think that can be a slippery slope. I've seen people far bigger than me, and some smaller, too, get addicted to asking for donations or help, or simply start taking it for granted when they ask for such a thing. My friends will tell you I writhe in agony when I receive a gift such as a game or something over the mail. My logic is that I don't need it, not in a proud way, but rather, in a "I wish you would spend this money on yourself instead, or on someone that truly needed it". With this in mind, I realized that, for me to even slightly consider that as an option, for the first time in my life, it meant that it was biting away at me far, far more severely than I thought. It's translated to other parts of my life as of late; I've not been depressed or anything, but I've felt this itch, this remarkably implacable feeling of "my man, you don't deserve to be taking it easy right now, something has to change, progress needs to be made".

I went out to wander for a few days, then arrived at my cousin's farm. He and his wife live a humble, hard working life, he invited me to stay for a while, I accepted, it was real nice, we hanged out, went exploring creeks and mountainsides while knocking back a few beers, the whole shebang for two guys that grew up in the middle of nowhere. Anyhow, it's true that the whole exposition that was the previous paragraph is something at play, but I also just... Haven't really wanted to be online at all. I don't want to check anything, read anything, and I feel a deep sense of alienation that I've not really felt in a long time. I suppose this is one of those good ol' Bro Is Going Through It, if we're to summarize it in a few words. It's easy for me to dispel negative thoughts and bounce back normally, because I've done a great deal of personal building and homework on knowing myself inside out, but not even this black belt in Drimobrain has helped this time around, and well, it bothers me, obviously, bwahaha. It's the first time in a few years that I really sincerely do not understand what's up with me, and while it's not really something I would consider me being rock bottom or anywhere near those depths, I do think I'm still below surface level, which is something I don't admit to easily, but have no choice to. I would love to be able to give this malaise shape and firmness through written or spoken word, but right now, it's a work in progress.

What bothers me the most is the sense of alienation I spoke of before: It makes no sense for me to feel this way, I'm treated with love and kindness every day, no one's silencing me in any way, I don't deal with barbs or hostility. So why is it that that's how I feel? Or perhaps it's something that feels similar, but I've no clue what it is, so I'm compounding it with alienation?

Regardless, it's all compounded into me just... Not wanting to be online. In the words of a friend of mine, "Dreamer has a fetish for self-development and growth", and, well, yeah, she's got that right despite the wording, I like to feel as if I'm improving every day and becoming better every day, even if slightly, and right now I feel like I'm just degenerating. Is it because my mood has been sour overall? Maybe. It might as well just be the fact that I Just Don't Want To Be Online For A While, and capricious clown that I am, if I want to do something, I do it, and if I don't want to do something, I don't do it. I'm tied to nothing and no one except my desire and drive to do or not do things. I can't change that, nor do I want to change that. And in this case, my heart's said to me, "fuck going online, go out, do things, try to get a job".

I also almost got recruited into something fucking vile that I thankfully noticed in time to avoid, but that's a story for another time.

There you have it. Am I leaving the internet/blue website forever? No, of course not, I like it here. Are things hard right now? They are, to be honest. Are they the worst it could be? Not at all. Do I have complete clarity of what's up with this fog inside of my head? No, and that bother me quite a bit. Are things going to be alright? Yeah, I think they will be.

I do regret it's in October of all months that this is going on, because it's where my shitposting power is at its apex due to my birthday, but hey, things happen, not necessarily for a reason, but they can be handled in such a way that it gives them meaning. I'm a fervent believer in that. I'm sorry this isn't the update you may have been hoping for, full of Lucina cosplayer blowjobs and other such hijinks, but hey, they can't all be Rainbow Road, haha.

So in case we don't see each other for a while, I hope you're all doing fine and dandy. I'm alive, I'm trying to be well, and most importantly, most fundamentally, most quintessentially,

I stay silly.

[nflife111]

I fully support the idea that "not everyone is the same."

I'll give you my own example, I remember very well the period when I first downloaded Tumblr, read tons of success stories a day, tried the methods I saw in every new post and always failed. So I wasted more than 3 years. There are a lot of different methods to help people, yes of course we are grateful for that. But what they fail to understand is this: not everyone's life is bearable.

Every person's nature is different, they need to understand that every person "can't do it" in some way, whether physically, psychologically or due to our circumstances. There are people whose family, home and school situations are very bad, and if they were not in such a situation, they would not try the "void" to get rid of all this as soon as possible, would they?

Think about it this way: a few years ago suddenly submakers started uploading subliminals titled "void state", and the following sentence in the content section was clearly striking: "The moment you exit the void, you will have your desires". At first, most people probably did not believe that something so easy could happen, but later, whether it was the results from those subliminals or the success stories of people doing this with different methods on Tumblr, the attention to this subject increased a lot. This being the case, many people from almost all over the world, with DIFFERENT characters and living conditions, but who were obviously not happy with these conditions and wanted to get what they wanted immediately, decided to give themselves another chance by doing this.

There are many people here who cannot succeed, and at the end of the day they ask themselves "I wonder if those people succeeded because they were better people, because they deserved to live their dreams, don't I?" and they question themselves and kill themselves inside.

I've seen different posts here that contain tons of similar words like "relax", "you create your reality", "you already have the life of your dreams", "accept your unlimited power". People are different and you can't treat every person the same as you. For example, you wake up in your "dream life" and have a wonderful day, and then you drive people with shitty lives crazy by saying "you are god" as if life is perfect...

I'm sure I'm not alone in this. There are many people who read those shared posts, who try to apply the methods but still fail, who lose their little bit of self-confidence and think "this is my destiny, I can't be like them", and I understand all of them very well.

My aim is not to criticize or accuse anyone. I just personally agree with the user who brought up this "void pact" idea and I believe that it would be much more beneficial to actually help ONCE instead of saying the sentence "you are the creator" over and over again.

I support the void pact, and I will not hesitate to help in any way I can. I probably live in "better" conditions than most of the people on that list, and I would love to do something for those people as well once I get in there.

@void1finder @liekjevenderheurn

Thank you for bringing up such an idea🤎

[local-pr1nter]

Kiyotaka Ishimaru Ship Dynamics!

These are my personal opinions and headcanons! If you do not like them then please move on!

Assume these are all based in a Non-Despair AU!

Ishimondo

I've mentioned them before multiple times, but they're just that good and I adore them.

Real sweethearts and adore each other.

I've spoken about them multiple times now though so I'll just add some small things.

Daiya teases the two of them relentlessly. He refers to Taka as his brother-in-law and it always makes Mondo turn red- either with rage or embarrassment, who knows.

Takaaki was not a fan of the relationship at first, but eventually warmed up to Mondo after seeing how happy he made Taka- and not to mention how Mondo's changed immensely since they first met.

Daiya was the one to fully encourage Takaaki to just support them. He invited the Ishimarus over for dinner one night and it went lovely- after Mondo and Takaaki bickered for a while of course. Overall, it was a nice moment between all of them.

Takaaki eventually warms up to Mondo so much that he reveals that he also used to ride back when he was younger (I think it would be funny AND would shock everyone- not even Taka would know, shocking him the most.)

Ishikuro

YEAAAAH ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVORITE OF MINE

I love the concept of two people learning how to be in a relationship when they don't get social cues or haven't had anything similar to a romantic relationship before.

I think they have a lot of potential as a couple.

Outspoken hall monitor x stoic soldier lets fucking go.

Either of them could've fallen first, but neither of them would've realized it at first. Mukuro would acknowledge it, but not have any clue of how to go about it, so would bury the feelings down deep inside and just try to ignore it. Kiyotaka would slowly realize it, only to freak out and panic because AHHHHHHH NEW FEELINGS ARE SCARY-

But once he calms down and accepts his feelings he'd probably bring it up with his friends. Leon would freak out about it but Chihiro, Hiro, and Mondo would be fully supportive about it. They'd help him ask her out before following them on their date to make sure nothing goes wrong (cough Junko cough)

Which speaking of-

Junko would NOT be happy with Mukuros crush. Mostly because she's not a fan of Kiyotaka, doesn't wanna lose Mukuros attention, and is jealous that someone actually chose her out of the two of them.

She'd probably try to sabotage their first date in any way she can, but of course Mondo, Chihiro, Leon, and Hiro are bros™ and won't let her ruin it.

And would you look at that! The date goes well!

Taka and Mukuro are very low-key and slow with their relationship- their first kiss had them bright red within minutes and neither of them could speak.

Like they had a system reset or some shit.

Against PDA, Taka wouldn't be very touchy with her in public. Even then, as they're still getting used to a romantic relationship, they aren't very touchy with each other. The most they'll do is cuddle in bed, either after Mukuro wakes up from a nightmare or Kiyotaka gets overwhelmed and shuts down.

In public, the most they would do is hold hands. It makes them both very happy.

They both just wanna take things slow and not ruin anything.

Mukuro is definitely a follower in this relationship, but Taka always encourages her to speak up or let him know if she's uncomfortable or if they wanna do something else together. She always appreciates being treated as an equal in the relationship.

After a while I think Mukuro is the one who likes to touch the most. Mostly holding his hand, arm, pinkie, or the strap of his bag whenever they walk. Almost like she wants everyone to know that she cares about this dork and if anyone touches him she will beat them up.

Both very protective of one another, Mukuro more than Taka but still both of them are very protective.

[fertilize-my-eggs]

Send to the mha omegaverse ch.4

Breed breed breeding.

Ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 A03

Every chapter will be posted on thursday ❤️

Breed breeding breeding… was in my mind as I followed shigaraki’s scent, I couldn't stop myself as my body was following the sweet citrus scent.

I ran towards it like a hound dog chasing after a prey as I suddenly stopped at the door in front of me.

I can smell it, I slowly grab the door knob but stopped immediately as I hear the loud growl coming inside.

“ omega, I'm warning you . . . Don't open the door. ” I hear Shigaraki's voice, it's faint and quiet but I can feel his alpha aura in my bones as I begin to smile. I want him and it's been weeks I'm not gonna let this go, my omega mind telling me to head inside and have his puppies.

I turned the knob to realize it wasn't locked but the strong musk smell hit in my nose immediately as I must have cost his rut to start early as I saw him in bed as he growl deeply and humping the sheets.

“ alpha… I want you… I only want you and no one else, do you understand me! ” I chirp at him with hope as my slick juice slides down my legs.

In my old life, I was just a loser and didn't lose my virginity once that thunder hit me and sent me into the mha world… I have always been loyal to shigaraki, I always loved him when I first started watching my hero academia.

It was only him…. I fear tomura will hurt me since I disobey him.

His crimson eyes stare at me, it's a mix of emotions it's hard to describe what he feels as I stare at him.

He begins to smirk as he lets out a deep raspy laughter, it rattles my bones as I shiver with excitement and fear.

“ I can smell it… your heat… ” you watch his eyes dilating fast as he raises his body upwards as he smiles.

“ omega can't control yourself whenever you're around an alpha like me… but I can tell you were interested in me. Why? ” he tilts his head as he stare at me, I begin to feel my cheeks getting hot as I look down.. will he accept me if I'm not from this world.

“ Shigaraki, I'll have to tell you the truth… I'm not from this world, it's a long story but I don't belong there. "Tomura tilted his head confused but I can tell he was curious as he rose up from the bed as he looked at me.

“ Alpha shigaraki. You're probably thinking I'm crazy but in my old world everything… isn't like this. ” I move my hands around in his room as I begin to speak.

“ It's not cartoony like this but my world is realistic and nobody has a quirk.. I-. ”

He growls at me as I immediately shut up.” stop… stop talking, I can't.. ” No warning he kissed my lips, it was soft and gentle as I gasped into the kiss.

It was sweet, I closed my eyes shut as I played with his messy hair. I'll probably regret saying this but for now I want to enjoy this.

He presses me up against the wall as he deep kisses as I moan out. I start to blush, I've never kissed anyone like that and didn't know I could make a noise like it too.

“ omega.~ Are you sure you want to do this? ” He begins to smirk at me as I feel like I'm having butterflies in my stomach as I look at him.

“ because if you accept me as your mate, I'll never let you go. Do you understand me omega? ” I don't know if he was being truthful or my quirk affected him but I didn't care as I pressed a kiss to his lips.

“ alpha.~ ”

“ omega.~ ”

I rise my neck towards him as he growl at the submissive offered to him as he smirks devilish.

“ let's move this to my bed, it'll be cozy for you my omega.~ ” I blink fast as I giggle quietly as I thought to myself, my omega? I feel special already. I begin to feel hot on my cheeks as he pulls me towards the bed.

This is happening, I'm going to have my first time with my favorite anime villain!! I'm fangirling so hard just thinking about it.

I begin to remove my clothes but I feel him grab my wrist as I look at him.

“ What’s wrong my alpha? ” I tilt my head at him as he coo tenderly.

“ let me remove it for you… omega. ” I see him start to blush awww how cute!! He acts so shy, I've never seen him act like this in the anime…  I wonder if he will have the same faith as the manga… I stop thinking about it and not worrying about it, I shouldn't be thinking about it… but wouldn't alpha tend to be aggressive while they're in a rut? Why isn't he ripping my clothes off fast?

“ I don't want to harm you omega~ ” ahh okay I see… he's probably not used to having a woman in his life that's why he's being extra careful.

He carefully pulls my shirt up and over my head as I begin to cover myself… I then realized he's gonna see me naked and this is the first time a man will see myself nude.

I begin to look away as I feel hot all over my face.

“ What's wrong? ” I look at Tomura as he has a soft smile as I blink slowly and begin to smile back.. maybe this isn't a bad idea but I want to live here and stay with him.

I don't care if I die again, I want him.

“ I-it's my first time… having someone see me naked.. I haven't lost my virginity to be honest. ” shigaraki felt his cheeks getting more red as he looked away in embarrassment.

“ ah… it's okay omega, I haven't lost it either… we'll take it nice and slow if you want. ” I smile at him as I pull him close.

“ you're probably dying from the rut my alpha 

~ please use me, I want you to… breed me please~? ” should I say that towards him wouldn't it be-..

Tomura pulls me into a passionate kiss as I moan out loud, I pull him closer as we're landing into the soft sheets.

Without thinking we quickly remove each other's clothes as they fly onto the floor.

I pull away to see tomura shigaraki naked in front of my own eyes, I bite my lip hard… he's so beautiful.. His skinny body was beautiful as I slowly looked down at his lean chest to his stomach area.

The v-line look so tasty as I followed his little happy trail to the base of his cock… holy fuck, he's massive… me and shiggy simps were right in fanfics, shigaraki has a big cock. It starts to make me nervous as I look away. That thing looks so angry and could easily rip me in two.

“ I can sense your stress omega but I'll be gentle okay… don't worry about me, I'll take care of you.~ ” I cover my eyes as I feel tears almost coming out, he's so sweet oh my god.

I nodded my head too embarrassed to look at him, he gently removed my arm.

“ look at me, omega, you look so beautiful like this.~ ” I smile at him as he pushes my thick thighs wide for him, I chip at him.

Feeling a bit embarrassed that he saw myself fully naked.

My heat is driving me nuts as I grab his wrist as he looks up at me.

“ please… no foreplay, I need you now alpha please~ "Tomura snapped as he growled at you, he tapped my clit a bit.

He grabs his cock to my entrance as he looks up at me.

“ Are you sure you want to continue this? ”

“ Yes please!! Alpha I need you already, I'm going crazy by this heat please.~ ” Tomura smiled at you as he thrust himself into my pussy, it was pretty awkward since he missed three times but the fourth time.

He slid into me, he rolled his head back.” crap.. I don-.. ” I feel something hot and wet inside of my pussy as I tilt my head.

“ sorry.. I came inside of you too soon omega.. you're too pretty, I wasn't expecting a beautiful omega to be attractive towards me. ” I frown at him a bit as I pull him close.

Whisper into his ear softly.” it's okay.. you can try again alpha~ just for me please, I still need you. ” I felt his head nod as he began to move. It felt painful as I wrinkled my nose a bit, it hurt but not too bad. 

I was expecting it to hurt for the first time having sex but it's getting good as I moan out.

“ fast please alpha.~ ” Tomura pulls away as he has burning passion and love.

He thrust fast and bit rough but it's very sloppy as I look down when we're connected.

He looks so beautiful like this, sweating and hair messy as his eyes are close shut from the pleasure and tongue sticking out. Oh I'm bleeding a bit, I can see the blood covering his dick.

“ please… please please. ” I tilt my head at him in confusion.

“ Are you sure you want me to breed you? ” For the first time I see shigaraki’s eyes turn dark, the red rings are gone and it's a pitch black hue as I gulp a bit.

I blink at him as I smile. Well, I'm not leaving anytime soon so I want to enjoy this.

I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer as I offered my neck towards him.

“ I'm your omega tomura shigaraki, I want you as my mate please… accept me as yours. ” I thought this is ridiculous and there is no way I'm having sex with tomura shigaraki and letting him be my boyfriend… I don't know how long but I hope we'll last longer.

Shigaraki leans into my neck as he bites it hard, I begin to cry out. I think that was his last straw as he began to pound into me fast and hard.

I wrapped my legs and arm around him for dear life as I screamed out in pain.

I felt him move away to lick my wounds as I leaned near his neck feeling a bit scared but surprisingly he offered his neck towards me as I bit his neck.

My small fangs poke through his skin as he growls lower.

I cry out from his rough heavy thrust, my brain only thinks about breeding and wants his pups fast.

I tight my thighs close, pushing him deeper as I moan his name like a marathon.

I feel his knot at my entrance, he gets closer, I can feel it.

It's kinda confusing me a bit about omegaverse, I thought shigaraki was supposed to cum when he was fully knotted. Maybe I'm not sure about the lord and don't understand it as much.

He leaned in to kiss my marked neck as he cooed.” I'm close omega.~ nghh how do you orgasm? ” I tilt my head at him as I said.

“ I'll show you alpha.~ ” I gently grab his wrist as I move it towards my entrance, I let him touch my clit as I sigh softly from this.

“ rub my clit, it'll help it go faster.~ ” Shigaraki nods his head as I moan out his name.

I can feel it, I feel it's getting closer as I push my head onto the pillow, I feel my legs moving onto the sheet as I breath heavily and fast.

My chest is moving rapidly as I cry out.” I'm close tomura~!! ” He nodded his head too in agreement as he pushed my thighs into my chest as I widened my eyes.

Oh shit…I feel his thighs hitting my ass as I feel his cock twitching inside of me as I grips the sheets.

I couldn't speak.

“ fuck!! Take it~!! Take it, take it, omega, I'm cumming.” the high pitch groan coming from shigaraki as we're reaching our first high together.

I scream out his name, feeling his cum hit my womb as the knot is stuck in my pussy as he collapses on top of me.

We're breathing heavily as he looks at me with love as he kisses my neck.

“ you're so pretty like this omega.~ ” I smile at him as I hug him closer, he growls at me as I raise my brow at him.

“ you're not leaving until you're knocked up by me. ”  I gasp and feel his cock twitching inside of my cunt.

“ This will last a week. ” a week?!? I thought to myself as I bit my lips.

This is gonna be hot steamy love making for one week.

I coo at him as I pull him close.”this is intense… I never had it like this… it's so fuck.. fucking hell. ” he rise his brow at me as I softly giggle at him.

“ it's was amazing alpha, I enjoy your cock.~ it's so good~! ” I purr at him as he begins to blush red, he pulls me closer as he whines.

“ stop.. you're making me get hard again. ” I smirk at him as I kiss his lips passionately.

“ that fine with me my alpha.~” I can feel his smirk grow wider as he pull away.

“ ohh you're definitely gonna be a problem little omega.~ ”

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Stop the Harassment

After everything that's happened, you guys sure make it easy to quit a fandom. Let's be real here, who wants to be in a fandom where you harass minors, bully people so much so that they try to commit? First it was cosplayers, now even creators who caused no harm are being violated and bullied.

Sure I might lose followers but I sure as hell won't just be staying silent about this, not when my friend has already suffered through enough, I know the culprit, I'm just staying silent on behalf of my friend because they don't want this thing escalated. I shouldn't even feel like I'll be targeted after this because what kind of community have we created that we should expect the worst?

My friend has been nothing but nice to the rest of you and for you to treat them this way after they've been through so much after what you guys did in the first place just sickens and disgusts me to my core. Even before this whole thing they came to Tumblr for refuge because of their difficult time but you guys don't care about that right?

No because apparently what you do in this fandom is you tear someone apart who found comfort here to make them feel so bad that it's either they quit or commit.

She took responsibility saying that it was a mistake but no, apparently people have to be flawless for any one of you to accept them right? Is being a minor a crime? Is that it? Because last time I checked, Tumblr was an ages 12+ app so why are we so concerned? Regarding the allegations, they don't interact with mdni, even if they did in the past it was probably by accident.

Regarding minors reading and writing nsfw shit, I've said it before and I'll say it again, blocking is a thing? Can't y'all all comprehend that? Is it really that difficult to understand that you even have to spread personal information to others? For all you know my friend could now be targeted and preyed on by some creep because they found out they're a minor.

People are gonna ask me who it is but I can't answer for them, they just want peace and I want to clarify some things because I can't just let people think my friend this apparently "horrid" thing within the fandom without defending them, you were the one who interacted with them first (WITHOUT MDNI IN YOUR BLOG) and now they're getting pinned and taking all the blame when you didn't even care to tell her that suddenly you put it in your blog?

Not only this but what do you have to stand to gain in all of this? I wonder what was your motive to tear someone down and let your little minions do it for you because you don't wanna be involved.

The fact that you let this spread and let people do this to them without taking accountability for how this started or at least telling people to stop because what you caused just baffles me because how can someone have such inability to feel remorse and guilt, you've been awfully silent haven't you?

Probably because it's better to have someone take the blame regarding the harassment right? Because some people are standing up for them, though I know that some refuse to talk, I know they're also here to support them. You are one of the only people who knew of their age and damn did you make it easy to find you.

I don't even know how one person is capable of doing this to another, which I suspect you've been leaving some of the anon asks to them too when they've been nothing but nice to you, the least the rest of you can do is cut them some slack, Dms is a thing right? Block and move on, as simple as that. But no, the rest of you just had to spam it on other creators' accounts with the mixing of some false allegations.

Not only that but this? Can't y'all just leave them alone? You all act as if they personally killed your parents or something, it's like they committed some sort of crime in which they didn't.. you all did by spreading their PRIVATE CONFIDENTIAL information. None of you truly knows what happened and yet you all act like you're some sort of detective, have you all not learned anything from what happened to Vincent (Inquisitore) and Viper, apparently Milo is now also getting targeted for some silly video?

I wanted to post the other less filtered version of this post because I was so mad for my friend but in regards to people in my blog, this is as filtered as I can get it. If any of you ever harass her again, we WILL find your account and you best believe I'll have no shame to tag you, even more so if you've blocked me.

What's up with always hiding behind anons? You're scared of what people might say to you because YOU as an ADULT has been harassing a minor? That's what this is right? The rest of you are scared if the consequences of your actions because you know to yourselves that you've done SOMETHING wrong.

This is such a shit show, what even is this fandom anymore? I swear that not onec have I been in such a shitty one and I've been through all sorts of fandom, never as toxic as this one, great job y'all, you guys just beat the toxic k-pop stans in my list.

Though some of you are so kind and wonderful, there are still THOSE bad people out there who seek to tear someone apart for whatever petty reason.

I'm taking a break from all this and though I still will be writing behind the scenes so that I'll have the strength to keep going, you all disappoint me as a community.

[williamaltman]

Life is Strange 2 thoughts/feelings/review

So, Life is Strange 2. I finished the game yesterday and watched the other endings today. Things are not as fresh in my mind as if I had just finished and I talked a bit about it in other places so this feels a bit hard, but I'll try to lay down all my thoughts...

First of all... All my homies love LIS2, fuck you if you don't like LIS2! Seriously though, for years I've seen people say that the game wasn't good, that the characters weren't as good as the ones from the first one, that the Sean/Daniel relationship wasn't that interesting... I kinda did suspect it was just nostalgia goggles or whatever, but now I know for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with connecting more with LIS1 and having a deeper relationship with it, but in this case I think you shouldn't even be comparing them and expecting the game to live up to that to you in the first place.

Now, onto the actual game. God, this was so fucking heartbreaking. I think I cried in every single episode. The very core premise of the story is just so sad, so unfair, and despite the powers so rooted in reality that it left me legit feeling uncomfortable with how fucked up their whole situation was. There are good moments, sure, but honestly every single thing that happens from the moment their dad is shot is just... Not how their life should've had to be.

Sure, LIS1 and BTS had dark themes too. But here, it's like, they lose everything from the beginning. Sean doesn't get to go to his party, to hang out with Lyla, to continue his normal life in any way. Daniel loses a part of his childhood. They're both forced to grow up so much faster than they should. There's a line Sean says in episode 3, and it's just a little idle VO, but it fucking crushed me, "Stop overthinking. You're not a teenager anymore". Even though he's fucking 16... He's 16 and he has to essentially become a parent. I knew what the game was about and lowkey followed it a bit when it was releasing, knew a few spoilers, but that didn't make anything any less heartbreaking.

I thought it was beautiful how the game took the opportunity to showcase and celebrate alternate lifestyles. The "family", Away, their freedom and how they interacted with society brings so much into perspective. I'm still a bit conflicted about Karen tbh, but I'm glad that at least they did show something beautiful through her story.

My biggest problem overall is probably how they handled the Finn romance route... I knew back when the game was releasing that despite adding a male LI, they pushed the female one more onto you and gave her more content, while locking the option to kiss him with a "bad choice" (I didn't know what exactly it was). And yeah, that is still true. I still think it was a mistake to lock the kiss with accepting the heist, and while I kinda understand the writer's explanation for that, I still think it could've been handled in another way, or they could've just let him kiss you and "betray" you by doing the heist anyway, since he still does that when you're friends lol.

I see people complaining that because they moved from place to place each episode, there wasn't enough time to connect with the characters... Idk if I'd say I disagree, but it just wasn't really the case for me. I was very invested in all the relationships, in Finn, Cassidy, Jacob, Chris, Karen. Everyone at the farm was cool and everyone in Away too. Lyla. You get so many tidbits about the characters even when they're not there on screen. The only thing I have to say which is kinda related to that, is that I think the time jumps were maybe a bit too big, and that the way they handled Mushroom was... weird.

I got the Parting Ways ending, and I'm satisfied with it. I kinda planned to get it, but only in the sense that I was spoiled that you get with Finn there. I didn't know that the whole morality thing had anything to do with it, and I played the first two episodes without even knowing that there was a points system about that and about brotherhood. I just made all the choices that were high morality (besides killing the cougar and the heist) because it was what I would do, and tried to be a good brother for Daniel. I figured that choosing to cross the border would most likely give me that one, but I just couldn't accept Sean having to go to prison for 15 years for something he didn't even do. If we were able to choose between Parting Ways and Blood Brothers, then I would actually be conflicted about which I wanted.

With the way the game's system works though, where you need to have low morality to get Blood Brothers, I couldn't really do it. I can't imagine myself teaching Daniel to be selfish and not care about killing people. I actually think it's super cool to watch Daniel use his power offensively and fuck shit up, but it just wouldn't be my version of the story. It's funny because, if we just played as Daniel, I wouldn't mind going that route. But since we play as Sean, with it being our job to raise Daniel, I feel a different kind of responsability towards leading him to become a good person. I also think it's beautiful that he gets to have the rest of his childhood, teenagehood, and live a "normal" healthy life with his grandparents. He does it in the redemption one too, but as I said, that just screws up Sean too much.

So, I'm a little disappointed that they're separated (and maybe can't ever see each other again? I'm a bit confused about Daniel's situation and whether he could visit), and that it's a bit shorter than the others (at least than the redemption one), but it IS the ending my playthrough led to and in that I'm satisfied.

I think this story is just incredible. It touched me so much, and the fact that some people can't see it genuinely frustrates me. The people complaining it's too political in particular can just go fuck themselves. It might not be perfect, but like with all things I appreciate, I'm just so glad it exists.

[anticidic]

thanks for tagging me @marichild !! lowkey obsessed with this

Fanfic Writer Interview

How many works do you have on AO3?

21 as of right now! (It should be 22 because I still haven't put up my fic from the bsd Halloween zine up yet, but I DIGRESS)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

from a to o, i love you so — an omegaverse A/A -> A/O Soukoku piece of Dazai having a mild identity crisis and trying to accept himself for who he is.

foiled fables — A Soukoku yokai!au about Chuuya stumbling upon an eerie shrine and learning the hard way that kitsunes do, in fact, exist.

with me, disaster finds a playfield — Beast!AU from Chuuya's pov loosely following the light novel, only Dazai lives. And instead of telling Beast!Akutagawa and Beast!Atsushi about the Book and "other world", he tells Chuuya.

letters to my chosen one — Angel & Demon AU where Dazai, a historian, is suddenly approached and asked by the higher court of angels to be appointed to a human as a guardian angel after Chuuya's previous guardian angel goes missing.

bad days, good nights — Birthday piece for Dazai. Chuuya loses a bet (again) and wears a maid dress (again).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond promptly, but sometimes I'll open and read a comment and PLAN to reply later, then a week goes by before I remember again. Longer comments I may take some time to get back to, but I do my best to respond to readers! I love the speculations people make about where they think I'm taking the story (shoutout to someone who predicted a critical plot point way in advance before I even got to it) but yes, I respond! I love and appreciate comments!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

still the snowflakes fall — A what-if had Dazai been a part of the Decay of Angels instead. And Fyodor's very involved in their relationship. Predictably, it isn't very happy. Dazai loses his memories after a page in the Book rewrites his past, and it doesn't come back to him until all of Yokohama is already engulfed in flames.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think probably from a to o, i love you so. Because it's about Dazai waking up one morning and losing a critical part of his identity and suddenly everything he knows is a lie. But despite fumbling, he comes to accept a new reality because, as Chuuya puts it, he's still Dazai. That core part of him hasn't changed.

Do you write crossovers?

I don't, and don't think I would because it feels like a complicated thing to tackle, but I've considered writing fusions! Like, more than several times I've thought of writing bsd characters in a Honkai Star Rail setting, or even like a world where Pokémon exist.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've gotten a few weird comments, but I just delete/block and move on.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

SO LIKE, I'm not even gonna toe around this (lol). Because if you look at my ao3, it's almost all entirely E fics. I like smut included in plots and smut with feelings, though. PWPs aren't really my style, I've found.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been graciously approached a few times asking to translate my works! But because they were explicit in nature, I didn't feel comfortable having them translated to Wattpad. I'm not terribly familiar with Wattpad's policies with that sort of content, but I didn't want the people asking to risk getting in trouble.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Does unpublished count @ohhcinnybuns and I go back and forth with our Snow White!Dazai and Prince!Chuuya writings.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

It feels unfair to name one, but IwaOi and ShuAke still hold tiny places in my heart though I'm not as interested in Haikyuu!! and Persona 5 anymore. And then there's Soukoku for the last like...eight years.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a Dead Apple sorta-one shot that I just haven't found the time to go back to. It was from Chuuya's pov shortly after fighting the dragon and saving Yokohama. Basically just post-Dead Apple stuff, but Dazai taking off with him instead for some sweet post-corruption care. I don't want to say I'll NEVER finish it, but I just have so,, so many other things that both need my attention and have my attention because of sheer brainrot.

What are your writing strengths?

Painting scenes and going into depth about character motives and inner thoughts! I'm almost detail-oriented to a fault, and I've had scenes compared to like reading Dostoevsky a lot.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, weirdly enough. I always had a sneaking suspicion that I write a little too much exposition and focus on too many details that there's not enough dialogue. (I even wrote a fic entirely without any dialogue.) It's something I've been actively working on! It feels weird struggling on dialogue when my job requires me to actively engage with others throughout the entire day, but I'm just an awkward potato dialogue writer.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

This feels tough to me, because I feel like honorifics don't translate as well to English. I write Japanese honorifics simply because I feel like it reads a little better, but that's about it. I throw in some Japanese-originated words like tatami mats, taiyaki, and kotatsus since most of what I write takes place in Japan.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Jouno/Tetchou for sure! I love them, but I just don't have any inspiration for them. Every inspiring idea I get ends up going to Soukoku or Fyozai. I wanted to once write a Valentine's fic for Suegiku of Jouno giving Tetchou boxed chocolates, but then it didn't happen.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

foiled fables!! The origin of the kitsune!Dazai brainrot that spiraled out of control into kitsune!Chuuya and now kitsune!skk as a whole. I finished it a while ago and almost like not even a day goes by where I don't think about it. Someone even made lovely art inspired by it, and another person made a playlist dedicated to it and it makes my heart swell. But I also really loved coming up with the plot and the twist in it.

no pressure tags!!: @mothboypoison @unicornpopcorn14 @frankenjoly @ohhcinnybuns @floatysparrowthing

[feministsouthpark]

Mrs. Tweak - Character analysis (Part 1)

I'm starting a new series, analyzing some of my favorite South Park characters, starting with the one and only... Oh no... She's only known by her husband's surname! Well, for the purposes of my text, I'll call her on the widely accepted fanon name, Helen. And it's not like South Park has shied away from using fanon names in their official material. Let's start with S2E17 Gnomes, in which she appears for the first time, along with her son and husband.

"Some things are more important than money. The people of South Park count on you to give them that first cup of coffee every day."

Her very first line serves as introduction to her values and beliefs. She is a devoted housewife, who believes in her husband. Clearly, she is a woman with a strong moral code first and foremost, and is a devoted housewife second.

Helen: Oh, hello, son. How was your day? Tweek: UUuuUunh! Helen: That's good. Who are your little friends? Tweek: What do you mean?! Kyle: We're his oral report buddies. Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it. Helen: Well, have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.

In her next interaction we learn about her as a mother, and she is shown caring for her son and being patient with him. But we're also met with a flaw in her parenting (of course, what else could you expect from South Park) which is that she nonchalantly offers coffee to children.

Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee. Helen: Oh, you'll like this coffee. It's fresh. And she coerces them to take it, although it's clearly out of good willed ignorance, rather than malicious intent.

Stan: 'Kay. Maybe it'll help us figure out what to do our report on. We have to present it to the entire South Park town committee tomorrow. Richard: Oh. I've got one for you. How about doing a report on how large corporations take over little family-owned businesses? Helen: Richard! Richard: No, I'm- serious, hon. These boys should learn how the corporate machine is ruining America. You see, I own a coffee shop and now a great, big, multi-million dollar company is going to move in and try to take all my business, which means I may have to shut down and sell my son Tweek into slavery. As you see, she is opposing to Richard using the children for commercial, however she is indifferent towards the way he threatens Tweek, probably because it's too common in their household. She chalks it up as Richard's weird sense of humor. She is however more strict with her son than her husband, as we see in the exchange that follows.

Kyle: We're already doing a paper on Tweek's underpants gnomes. Helen: Now, Tweek, how many times do we have to tell you? Your underpants are missing because you lose them, not because of underpants gnomes. Which line solidifies her as a grounded-in-reality type of individual. While Richard threatening Tweek wasn't that big of a deal for her, since it was a joke anyway (not that Tweek would know that, however Helen's parenting skills are lacking in the child's healthy psychological development department), but she stands up for something that she sees a problem with, because as soon as Richard says the boys should do their project in corporate takeovers again, she opposes, just like she did for the first time the idea was conceived, but this time she further explains her worries, instead of just interrupting.

"Honestly, Richard. I don't see why you have to preach to some eight-year olds."

While she is dismissive of her husband's idea of using the children, she still demonstrates great care for his side of the problem. "My goodness. That's going to be a huge coffee house, honey." Then what follows is 8 year old Kyle questioning her parenting methods. Probably based on the fact that Sheila is overprotective, and Helen is quite the opposite.

Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee? Helen: Like, how do you mean? Kyle: Like look at him. He's always shaking and nervous. Tweek: Agghh! Helen: [holding a bag of Tweekers BLEND] Oh, that. He has ADD, attention deficit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time. The writing seems to imply that Helen is in fact wrong, and her letting Tweek drink coffee is the problem (well Richard gives it to him mostly, but she fully enables it), however Tweek does show genuine signs of ADD in the later seasons, so in retrospective canon, she might as well be right, at least partly.

Back to the episode's political topic, she has yet another exchange with Richard about her concerns: Richard: What do you think, hon? [she crosses her arms and moves away him. He follows] Hon? What's the matter? Helen: I have a big problem with this. Richard: What do you mean? Helen: We are just using those boys for our benefit. They have no idea what they're saying. Richard: But, kids are great to get people on our side. Helen: You don't just throw a child in a political commercial to sell your beliefs. I won't be a part of this anymore. [walks out the door] Richard: Honey, all's fair in love and war. And coffee. Hon? Hu-hon? As you can see, while Richard asks for her opinion, it's not out of respect. He just wants her to tell him he's doing great, he expected her to compliment and reassure him, even though she clearly stated time and time again that she disagrees on the matter. Richard ignored her thoughts and expected her to go along with everything he does, only after she leaves him, does he realize he is taking her for granted. And the episode makes it clear that the writers of the episode believe her to be right. In the end, she gives the "I've learned something today" speech. Yes, the parent who is wrong in one thing (giving her son coffee) and gets criticized by the ever so judgemental moral compass of the boys, Kyle, also gets to give a Kyle-speech of her own, which positions her to be in the right on that specific debate. South Park has low-key been creating multidimensional female anti-villains back in season 2? Well, yes, but that is party because this character wasn't conceived by Trey and Matt only. This episode is co-written by Pam Brady - a producer and creative consultant of the show - in her only full-on writing credit for the series. And I can't help but feel like her sense of womanhood helped shape Helen to be the well-rounded character she is. "These boys are absolutely right. We've been using these poor kids to pull at your heartstrings for our cause, and it's wrong. We're as low and despicable as Rob Reiner. You keep protesting and complaining, but did any of you ever even bother to taste Harbucks coffee? Harbucks coffee got to where it is by being the best. Don't you think you should at least try it?" There you have it. She is pro-corporation, and wether you agree with her or not, so are the writers (in 1998). And you better believe Trey and Matt see her as the hero of the story by the moment she is insulting Rob Reiner! She even earns a turn in her marriage, Richard listens to her at once, and tries Harbucks, and realizes he likes it. He then gets a new job running the local Harbucks, gaining more money than before. So he did not only became a better husband for her sake, but also a better breadwinner - thanks to her efforts to talk some sense into him.

[grapecaseschoices]

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

-

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

-

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

-

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

-

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

-

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

-

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

-

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

-

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

-

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

-

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

-

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

-

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

-

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure,  it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is.  It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’?  Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into?  It’s yes or no,  Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?” 

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!” 

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.” 

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?” 

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

-

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #7

"A Dinosaur in Dimmadelphia" - Full moon in the title card!

Hazel's parents are really engaged in having fun. I'm a little curious as to where this is going, since if we follow the OG lore, Hazel should lose Cosmo and Wanda once she's no longer miserable. I'm curious if they're going to push that direction or retire that bit of lore.

Also, C and W kind of snuck in under the radar and are retired otherwise, so Jorgen probably won't ride them as hard as he used to.

SLKDJF- It's a WHAT?

Obtuse Rubber Goose - 2001 B.C.

Of course she's more into the rocks.

/sweats at the billboard for Atlantis Condos even though it's painted in a mural. Cosmo... (Also I love the dinos by the water coolers in that image).

Man, this is a playground for both Cosmo AND Wanda's destructive histories!

I have feelings about the Fairlysaurus. I question nothing.

They're so cute.

The unfortunate thing about this show is that Whisper can tell me some scientists believe dinosaurs wore top hats and had electricity and unfortunately that's 100% possible in this world.

I like how Hazel's creature-hunting dad listens to Whispers Fred's podcast. That's gonna go well.

I like how Cosmo and Wanda can understand dinosaurs. She would be the type to understand them and wipe them out of existence anyway.

Confirmed 10k-year vacation through time!!

Hazel wishing "I wish people weren't afraid of dinosaurs" after bringing one to the future is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Welp, that solves that.

sldkfj, Wanda proudly talking about the comet that wipes out dinosaur life as if she didn't personally launch that comet.

"If I can't send [the dinosaur] home, I'll do the next best thing: Get him a job!" - I changed my mind, that's even funnier. Hazel, why?

I love the background hills:

I like the implication that people are totally ready to accept the dinosaur as an actor because they're no longer afraid of him, so he can stroll in and not only are they unafraid, they also don't question it. Yeah, that sounds about right.

This vibe is very funny since Timmy usually tried keeping his wishes under wraps. Hazel's just been changing her surroundings and people play along.

I like that Whispers Fred and the museum guy had a bet about dinosaurs having electricity and the museum guy just sighs and pays it. Yeah, okay.

... Do I know that screaming man? Why does he sound familiar? Is he from "T.U.F.F. Puppy?" I know him... Is it Meerkat, my beloved?

-> I looked it up and Meerkat's VA is Daran Norris (Cosmo's VA). So... Yes, it was probably him using a Meerkat-adjacent voice, SKLSDJF.

Mystery mayor...

Is that #1 Dad in the crowd? Where is your baby?

SKLDFJS we're keeping the dinosaur. Okay.

"Fearless" time! - This title card has SPOT-ON Cosmo and Wanda in their old designs. Nice!

Did Hazel share a room with her brother, hence the bunk bed?

I like how Hazel's wardrobe is filled with identical outfits just like Timmy's closet used to be.

I like how the movies are also in 2D animation style.

Dev loves staring at Hazel and judging her in the background, doesn't he?

The kid on the voting poster reminds me of Imaginary Gary.

Note to self, include a trigger warning for this episode if I recommend it to anyone who doesn't like horror. It's no "Dark Harvest" or what-not, but they do a good job of making it creepy to kids, but... whoa.

I like the idea of Jasmine's fears coming to life as separate people outside her body, which is different than when Timmy wished he was fearless and became numb.

Hazel wishing for a Hazel stand-in to hold her place in class was smart. She and Chloe would be friends.

sldkjf, bug spray with the cockroach from "Wanda's Day Off" on it.

The plot about Jasmine having to be the one to face her fears is clever. Also, Hazel implied she has to avoid revealing magic, so it looks like she did get the basic rules explained (and they're still in play in this spin-off).

Wait, why is the girl who was reading "Shakespeare for Mimes" afraid of clowns?

I'm glad the crowns make metallic sounds when they fall since they're magnetic in the OG series.

OH SNAP- Hazel getting called out for "trying to make this friendship into what she had with her brother." That's rough, kid. Forcing Hazel to face her fears is a clever way to introduce her insecurities to the audience. I like it.

The list of champions on the school's wall goes up as far as 2019, and we can't be THAT far in the future since there aren't others.

I did worry where this plot was going, so I'm glad Hazel opted not to watch scary movies and instead pick something her friend wanted to do too :)

[dpdcultureis]

can i get a run down of typical dpd traits and what it's like to have the disorder??? i didn't realize this was a disorder (which- as someone with a special interest in psychology it came as a surprise-) and i'm genuinely curious and want to learn more... i have suspicions about myself and some friends of mine now... 😅

also, if you'd rather dm me answers than post, that's totally fine too! i may end up with follow up questions too 😅

(also i'm so sorry if this isn't the type of ask you prefer and you don't have to answer at all if you don't want, i'm just curious and usually talking to ppl w i t h the specific disorders is sm more helpful and accurate than google 💀)

hey hi!! i'll answer with regards to how it presents for me, but keep in mind that it'll probably look a bit different for me because i have other mental illnesses (including personality disorders) that also influence my behaviour ^^ any of my followers are free to chime in with their experiences too, and just looking through the #actually dpd or #actually dependent tags might be a good pursuit too!!

for me it manifests as being very anxious about making my own decisions (even when i don't necessarily recognise it as such; sometimes it presents so casually - asking about something that really doesn't need external input - that i don't notice when it happens). it also causes a deep fear of living alone and being abandoned/losing the people close to me, although the first one may be partially influenced by the fact i'm physically disabled, and the latter is common in some other PDs too. i typically seek validation over little things and share as much of what i'm doing as possible to my close friends in an attempt to reaffirm my acceptance and the fact they care about me, in a way?

for me i also seem to get a bit clingy, which if left unchecked could progress into something worse like overprotectiveness/jealousy and the like. for me that doesn't happen because my other PDs mask that aspect, but i do sometimes feel that possessiveness that i worry about, especially around my depended (DPD's version of the BPD 'favourite person', for lack of a better way to explain it)

being asked to guess or make my own decision causes me some anxiety, and doing things without permission causes a similar stress. i still tell my parents whenever i'm leaving the house and what i'm doing, and sometimes ask if i can go out, and i turn 20 later this year 😭

i can't really think of much else to talk about that isn't just reiterating what i've already said but with different examples, so now i'll leave this open for any followers here to rb/comment and add their own experiences!

(if you're curious, the other PDs i believe i have are AvPD and BPD, which overlap somewhat with these symptoms, but also work to mask some of them too. bc of that, a lot of my experience with DPD is internal)

[alice-the-demon]

Since you're not accepting "how'd your characters react to my character", does this apply to AU crossovers?

I'll answer in a moment, but before that I want to get off my chest some things and be a little honest with you guys: I kinda felt bad after I wrote that post.

I probably hurt some kid's feelings by basically telling them to screw off and stop asking me to draw their characters talking with mines, but at the same time I felt tired and frustrated to see my ask box full of requests for me to just play with their characters, as in think of how my characters would act and find the force to draw.

Speaking of kids/minors, I don't know how many of them are actually following me but I'm not sure if it's okay for them to see complicated stuff like PTSD, mentions of death and the inclusion of Lust Demons in the Hell Tower AU. Y'know, Lust. As in prostitution. As in SEX.

(I also wanna say that I want to be a bit more uncensored and show more violent and, heck, even suggestive stuff, but I also don't want any trouble involved, whether it's because of my audience or the app's regulations)

But let's get back on track: I still don't want to draw other's OCs, I got way too many requests like that, I felt very overwhelmed and lately I've been feeling more tired than before because of the hot weather and other personal problems that I don't want to share at the moment. I have my pace and limits, and I get to decide where to cross the line.

But I also fear that because of my already mentioned pace and limits, the first one being a little too slow honestly, people would start to become frustrated and lose interest at my works.

You guys can draw the characters from my AUs if you want to, I'd be more than grateful, I'll always make sure to repost and show my appreciation for my fans.

As for AU crossovers, if the others want to do it with my AUs it's fine, but as for me I'll do them when I want to, without being forced by someone else.

[queerprayers]

hello, i hope you are having a lovely day! thanks for having this blog! 💖 my exposure to faith has mostly been through mainstream doubt-unfriendly environments so it felt eye-opening to follow your blog and a few others that are quite welcoming to it!

do you possibly have any recommendations for nurturing faith when one has so many doubts, including the existence of God or belief in the events of the Bible? or possibly even reading recs?

i was raised agnostic in a Muslim-majority country and i have a diverse friend group with Muslims, Christians, Pagans and agnostic friends so whenever i wish to believe i find myself both doubting and also not knowing how anyone chooses any religion or denomination to follow, but i like to think everyone's faith/religion is valid and connects them to God. anyway that was a bit long, thanks for the blog and answering asks again! :)

Welcome, beloved! I'm so glad you're here and it brings me so much joy to know that people can be honest about their doubt here—it's an integral part of so many people's experience and to repress it or pretend it doesn't exist is misleading and painful.

I'm currently reading A History of God by Karen Armstrong (which I'll probably quote from a couple times) and thinking a lot about how conceptions of God have changed over time, and therefore how doubt has changed—we can only doubt when we have something to doubt! For some people, this book would probably increase their doubt (just a fact, not a bad thing), but for me, learning about how culturally-specific and constructed and interconnected religion deepens my faith in a God watching over it all.

One way that I see people talk about doubt (and I've definitely done it myself) is address it as if it were a stumbling block on the road to faith. That it's something we get over. That there's a linear path to certainty. Even when people praise doubt and call it holy, sometimes they imply that that's only because it strengthens the faith that always comes afterward. Doubting Thomas was the first person to name Jesus as God—we know this, this is all true and is very meaningful to so many. But I've learned to accept other ways that doubt exists, because not everyone has this experience. Doubt is a companion sometimes, not a temporary roadblock. Sometimes it's an inherent part of faith, and sometimes it doesn't lead to religious faith at all. In case you need to hear this: don't create some imaginary end of the road where you'll be certain! Maybe you will, but don't expect that of yourself. Your doubt is your questions and your desires, your creative thinking and your love for your friends, it's you caring about finding something meaningful. It's proof that this matters to you, and even if someday doubt is no longer a major part of your religious experience, don't lose it all. Doubt does not need to be cured—it needs to be listened to.

I'm thinking a lot about the existence of God while reading Armstrong's book—how she presents a constructed God, used as a tool for good and evil, and how beautiful and terrible ideas of God can be. While talking about medieval Islam, she tells us this:

. . . [T]he Arabic word for existence (wujud) derives from the root wajada: "he found." Literally, therefore, wujud means "that which is findable" . . . An Arabic-speaking philosopher who attempted to prove that God existed did not have to produce God as another object among many. He simply had to prove that he could be found. . . . [T]he word wajd was a technical term for [Sufi mystics'] ecstatic apprehension of God which gave them complete certainty (yaqin) that it was a reality, not just a fantasy. . . . Sufis thus found the essential truths of Islam for themselves by reliving its central experience."

What if God is more than existence? What if God is more than we could ever believe in—and so instead of believing in Them, we seek to find Them, see Them a little bit more clearly every day? There's such a Christian emphasis on believing the right thing, and I do think it matters what we believe. But there's more than that—there's how we believe, and what we do about it.

C.S. Lewis believed that the fact that we desire something this world can't satisfy is itself proof that we were made for and by something more. I can't talk you into believing in God, and I don't want to. But the desire for more is a space where God can reside, if you let Them. The desire to believe is a kind of belief. Wanting to believe in God is wanting God, and I'm not claiming proof of anything, but I am saying if you connect with that desire, God is already a part of your life, whether because They're there, or because you can't find Them. The lack of God is still a relation to God. Doubt in a god existing is still a relation to God. God exists in relation to you, in you. If we can only doubt when we have something to doubt, if we can only disbelieve when there's something to disbelieve in, that means we have something.

The Bible is more specific than God's existence, and for some this makes it harder to relate to. It is a more clear presence for many people, though—it's something we can hold, memorize, study. Every person of faith relates to their scriptures differently, and I can't tell you exactly how to do so, or which way is "right." But I will say it is not a thing to believe in—"it" is a living, breathing library of transcribed, collected, translated, loved (and hated) books. We could talk about taking the Bible literally vs. metaphorically, or whether it's "historically accurate," or whether God wrote it or told others to write it or had nothing to do with it. Ultimately where I am, the foundation I come back to, no matter how my beliefs change, is that I believe God wanted us to have it. I believe it matters. Once someone asked me whether a psalm was "theologically accurate" and while that's an interesting conversation, my first instinct when reading a poem written thousands of years ago by someone I've never met is not to theologically analyze it but to say, "Yes! I've felt that way too! I hear you! And God hears both of us!" I don't think you believe or disbelieve in myth or poetry or oral history or prophecy or personal letters—I think you listen to them. Before asking yourself whether these things happened, or if we can prove certain figures existed, or anything else super useful but very overwhelming, especially without a history degree, first ask yourself what they would mean if they mattered. What would change about how you move in the world if these books were close to your heart? If you listened across centuries to find people also believing and doubting and searching and finding?

While recommending the Bible (as well as the other books closest to his heart) in Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke tells his student, "A whole world will envelop you, the happiness, the abundance, the inconceivable vastness of a world. Live for a while in these books, learn from them what you feel is worth learning, but most of all love them. This love will be returned to you thousands upon thousands of times, whatever your life may become—it will, I am sure, go through the whole fabric of your becoming, as one of the most important threads among all the threads of your experiences, disappointments, and joys." Don't believe in a book—live in it, love it, let it weave you together.

Reading A History of God, I'm being reminded how much dialogue there has always been between religions, especially Judaism/Christianity/Islam, and how so much of the Bible is built on traditions outside of it. The writers of the Bible were also living in diverse communities, interacting with and reacting to other faiths, sometimes with hostility but also with synthesis—so much of all three of these religions is built on the local pagan traditions of where they evolved, and all three incorporated Greek philosophy in various ways. None of the major religions of the world are solitary faiths that sprang up out of nowhere—we have always lived with each other, and we've been alternately mad about it and inspired by it.

Having relationships with many kinds of people is beautiful and fulfilling, but it also inevitably brings up questions! I've found myself saying, "I love this person, I think they're intelligent and well-meaning, and they genuinely believe in something I do not. What does this mean for me? Am I doing something wrong?" Embracing others' faiths is, to me, a really important part of loving them, but it's also often a challenge to work through. It has ultimately been beneficial to my faith for me to work through this, but sometimes it just feels hard, and that's okay.

Although I never really questioned the existence of a god, there have been moments in my life where I had no particular conviction that Christianity was true or especially holy. I've been captivated by Jewish and Muslim traditions/beliefs/scriptures, and admired countless philosophies and practices. Christianity has hurt me and so many others—does that mean it's inherently wrong? But in every season of my life, I've said a Christian prayer every night. Everyone experiences religion differently, but for me? I am not a Christian because I think it's better than all other religions, or because I reasoned my way into it, but because it's where I'm from, where I live, where God meets me.

Your statement that everyone's faith is valid and connects them to God—it's a beautiful belief and it opens us to explore and love what we might not be able to otherwise. Reading A History of God—I do believe it's all God. If God cannot hold contradiction, why would I honor Them? How could I believe They encompass the (paradoxical, contradiction-filled) world if They can't exist fully in paradox and contradiction? This Sunday is the Feast of the Holy Trinity for me, and I love its mystery and its acknowledgement that God is always past our understanding, that God has more than one face, that God comes to us in more than one way, can never be pinned down. I and Christians throughout history encounter God as Trinity, but the day that I limit God is the day I have thrown away everything I've worked to build in myself.

The good news for you is if you believe all religions connect to God in some way, then you also believe that you will always be connected to God—no matter how your beliefs change, no matter where you call home, no matter what your practice looks like. We can't let ourselves believe one thing for others and another thing for ourselves—I did this all the time, believing I could never be forgiven but never dreaming of saying that about someone else. Give yourself the same grace and openness and hope you give your friends. You know they are valid, you know you love them—what can that help you learn about yourself? your own validity, your own ability to be loved?

I'll let you in on a secret (in case you didn't already know): the majority of people do not sit and look without bias at the major world religions and decide which one is "true" and convert to it. I'm sure people have done that, and maybe that's what you want to do (I won't stop you). I don't even know to what extent we can "choose" a religion—I think often one (or many) finds us—but for me and so many others, religion is a culture and a practice as much as, if not more than, a belief. And often it's wholly or mostly inherited—I don't know if I would be Christian if my parents and grandparents and ancestors weren't. I don't know exactly what you've inherited, but we all inherit beliefs (even if the belief is not believing in something), and yours are also built on tradition and ideas throughout the centuries.

This all means that doubt is part of any inherited culture and practice. It means that doubt and participating in a religion have always gone together. If religion is action and community and music, you don't have to believe anything in particular to live in it. My Jewish friends have shown me this most clearly—I know of many Jewish people who don't especially believe in the existence of a god, but eat kosher and observe holidays and say prayers. If you ask them why, they say it's because they're Jewish, because it makes them a more fulfilled person, because they're connecting with their ancestors. If religion is connection to God, as you've said (and I agree), then you don't have to have belief to connect with God.

I am absolutely not saying that we should never question the traditions passed down to us, or that conversion is not a valid choice, or that if you weren't raised religious you can't have religion. I just wish to point out that many people do not first believe in a system and then join a faith practice, but the other way around. They practice their way into faith. So often we cannot know what a belief means unless we first do it. Unless it first has meaning to us. From A History of God:

[Anselm of Canterbury, the 11th century theologian] insisted that God could only be known in faith. This is not as paradoxical as it might appear. In his famous prayer, Anselm reflected on the words of Isaiah: "Unless you have faith, you will not understand":

"I yearn to understand some measure of thy truth which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand in order to have faith but I have faith in order to understand (credo ut intellegam). For I believe even this: I shall understand unless I have faith."

The oft-quoted credo ut intellegam is not an intellectual abdication. Anselm was not claiming to embrace the creed blindly in the hope of its making sense some day. His assertion should really be translated: "I commit myself in order that I may understand." At this time, the word credo still did not have the intellectual bias of the word "belief" today but meant an attitude of trust and loyalty.

If you haven't already, ask to go to a religious service/event with a friend, read/listen/experience the faiths of others. When you encounter things you're not sure if you believe, ask yourself what it would mean for you if you encountered it as truth. If God exists, if God is [insert attribute here], if God commanded [insert commandment here], if this or that book is something God wants us to have—how would that change your life? My belief in a loving God transforms my world. My prayer practice orders my days and centers my emotions. I am living (or attempting to live) my beliefs, not just thinking them. What can you trust, what can you be loyal to, what can you live, even if you don't believe it right now? "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

You can live as if something were true, even if you have no proof, even if you're not sure about it. I live as if there is a loving God—I have no scientific proof of this, I have not always been sure of it. But I live as if there is one, and there is more love in the universe because of it. I have only experienced a loving God when I was living in relation to one. You can go to a church without reading its whole catechism, without knowing all the words, without being sure. My pastor once told me he likes the Nicene Creed more than the Apostles' because it says "We believe" instead of "I believe." A creed not as a personal certainty, but as a communal agreement. I don't always know what I believe, but this is what we believe. I can leave it behind, but I cannot pretend it does not exist. It is my inheritance.

My advice for nurturing faith? Be willing to be wrong. Any god I've heard described is outside of our powers of description. It's dangerously presumptuous to think we can be right about God. Once I let go of the pressure to be right, once I accepted that I could be wrong about everything—that's the only way I got to faith. And the worst thing I can think of is coming to a belief through fear (of hell, of being wrong, of uncertainty, of spiritual homelessness). Fear is sometimes present, but come to it because you want it, because it fills your days with life and love. I'm obviously not a scientist or a philosopher—I've never really searched for capital-T Truth, and maybe it sounds like giving up to say all this, to think that I can never be right. But I have only truly come to Christianity when I've accepted that, as Rachel Held Evans said, it's the story I'm willing to be wrong about.

While it's definitely from a Christian perspective (I'm not sure how relatable that will be to you), the book that's calling to me right now for you is Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others by Barbara Brown Taylor. It's incredibly honest and interested in the experience of exploring envy in a religious context. It completely changed how I approach finding meaning in others' beliefs, and gave me so much peace in my own. And if you do ever begin to follow a religion/denomination, you might need a reminder that you are not abandoning everything else. You may be choosing a home, but you are not locking yourself inside it. We don't look for a home to denounce everyone else's—we look for a place we can live. Taylor says:

I asked God for religious certainty, and God gave me relationships instead. I asked for solid ground, and God gave me human beings instead—strange, funny, compelling, complicated human beings—who keep puncturing my stereotypes, challenging my ideas, and upsetting my ideas about God, so that they are always under construction. I may yet find the answer to all my questions in a church, a book, a theology, or a practice of prayer, but I hope not. I hope God is going to keep coming to me in authentically human beings who shake my foundations, freeing me to go deeper into the mystery of why we are all here.

What are you willing to be wrong about? What do you want to hold close even when you doubt it? What do you want to do, even if you don't believe in it? What brings you closer to the life you know exists for you, the one that fulfills that desire for God? There might not be one religion that is all this for you. Whether or not you ever create/join a concrete belief system, whether or not you're ever sure about any of it, God is with you. Many people live fulfilling lives outside of institutionalized religion; not all who wander are lost; your existence in a diverse community will serve you so well on this journey, which doesn't have an end and always includes doubt, and from which we can always find a new path, and is all encompassed by a many-faced Universe of Love.

And, as I find myself doing so often, here's some more Rilke to his student, which we can receive whether or not we're young or a Sir:

You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

<3 Johanna

P.S.—As well as the things I've quoted from, I would also recommend Not All Who Wander Are (Spiritually) Lost: A Story of Church by Traci Rhoades and all of Rachel Held Evans' books.

P.P.S.—People quote this last Rilke passage a lot, but I'm not sure how many have read the full context? He's mostly giving advice regarding sex anxiety in that letter, which I think is great. It's relevant to most journeys in life, but in case you were wondering what journey it's originally about, there you go.