#I've accepted I'll probably lose followers because of this

[galactic-rhea]

yikes.

I hope you're happy @squad-724 and @helloyesthisisdilophsaurus

[cerastes]

Hey. It's been a while. I think it's right to update you on stuff so tl;dr I'm probably not going to be around for some time, and if I am, it'll be in a diminished capacity, but if you're interested, do check under the cut. I'll also immediately state that I am not in any dangerous situation, it's other stuff, but I'll immediately dispel that before the cut just in case you just wanted to know that in particular.

Let's talk for a bit.

Long story short, the economy here is in shambles. The idea was for me to already have a new job, but that's not gone according to plan. I've been eating into my savings for a while now, and the people that told me that I had a job lined up for me September or at the latest October, meaning, this month, have been ghosting me. It seems to not be an option anymore, and no explanation was ever given to me. A shame, because it came from a place of relative trust.

This has eaten away at my nerves somewhat, and though it is the month of my birthday, I can't help but notice that, between the economy being this bad here, how hard it's been to land another job, and the fact that I'm eating into my savings, well, it's got me more than a bit worried. I'm not in any immediate danger of losing the roof over my head, or starving, or anything like that, but after a few months of "well, my savings take yet another hit this month with no end in sight", it's been rather rough, you'll understand, and it's compounded a bit. For just a second, and not as a primary, secondary, or even tertiary plan, more like a twenty-eighth measure if anything, I did entertain the dark idea of maybe asking for a bit of help here, and the moment that thought came up, I realized, "Ok, this is truly and well affecting me, I never want to do that", because, again, it's not like I'm in any immediate danger of homelessness or anything that grave, but it's been weighting on me enough that, even as a distant glint in the horizon of an idea, I did consider it. I don't want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here, but for over a decade that I've had this blog, and the community/following/whatever you want to call it that has grown around it, I've never once asked for something like monetary help, because I think that can be a slippery slope. I've seen people far bigger than me, and some smaller, too, get addicted to asking for donations or help, or simply start taking it for granted when they ask for such a thing. My friends will tell you I writhe in agony when I receive a gift such as a game or something over the mail. My logic is that I don't need it, not in a proud way, but rather, in a "I wish you would spend this money on yourself instead, or on someone that truly needed it". With this in mind, I realized that, for me to even slightly consider that as an option, for the first time in my life, it meant that it was biting away at me far, far more severely than I thought. It's translated to other parts of my life as of late; I've not been depressed or anything, but I've felt this itch, this remarkably implacable feeling of "my man, you don't deserve to be taking it easy right now, something has to change, progress needs to be made".

I went out to wander for a few days, then arrived at my cousin's farm. He and his wife live a humble, hard working life, he invited me to stay for a while, I accepted, it was real nice, we hanged out, went exploring creeks and mountainsides while knocking back a few beers, the whole shebang for two guys that grew up in the middle of nowhere. Anyhow, it's true that the whole exposition that was the previous paragraph is something at play, but I also just... Haven't really wanted to be online at all. I don't want to check anything, read anything, and I feel a deep sense of alienation that I've not really felt in a long time. I suppose this is one of those good ol' Bro Is Going Through It, if we're to summarize it in a few words. It's easy for me to dispel negative thoughts and bounce back normally, because I've done a great deal of personal building and homework on knowing myself inside out, but not even this black belt in Drimobrain has helped this time around, and well, it bothers me, obviously, bwahaha. It's the first time in a few years that I really sincerely do not understand what's up with me, and while it's not really something I would consider me being rock bottom or anywhere near those depths, I do think I'm still below surface level, which is something I don't admit to easily, but have no choice to. I would love to be able to give this malaise shape and firmness through written or spoken word, but right now, it's a work in progress.

What bothers me the most is the sense of alienation I spoke of before: It makes no sense for me to feel this way, I'm treated with love and kindness every day, no one's silencing me in any way, I don't deal with barbs or hostility. So why is it that that's how I feel? Or perhaps it's something that feels similar, but I've no clue what it is, so I'm compounding it with alienation?

Regardless, it's all compounded into me just... Not wanting to be online. In the words of a friend of mine, "Dreamer has a fetish for self-development and growth", and, well, yeah, she's got that right despite the wording, I like to feel as if I'm improving every day and becoming better every day, even if slightly, and right now I feel like I'm just degenerating. Is it because my mood has been sour overall? Maybe. It might as well just be the fact that I Just Don't Want To Be Online For A While, and capricious clown that I am, if I want to do something, I do it, and if I don't want to do something, I don't do it. I'm tied to nothing and no one except my desire and drive to do or not do things. I can't change that, nor do I want to change that. And in this case, my heart's said to me, "fuck going online, go out, do things, try to get a job".

I also almost got recruited into something fucking vile that I thankfully noticed in time to avoid, but that's a story for another time.

There you have it. Am I leaving the internet/blue website forever? No, of course not, I like it here. Are things hard right now? They are, to be honest. Are they the worst it could be? Not at all. Do I have complete clarity of what's up with this fog inside of my head? No, and that bother me quite a bit. Are things going to be alright? Yeah, I think they will be.

I do regret it's in October of all months that this is going on, because it's where my shitposting power is at its apex due to my birthday, but hey, things happen, not necessarily for a reason, but they can be handled in such a way that it gives them meaning. I'm a fervent believer in that. I'm sorry this isn't the update you may have been hoping for, full of Lucina cosplayer blowjobs and other such hijinks, but hey, they can't all be Rainbow Road, haha.

So in case we don't see each other for a while, I hope you're all doing fine and dandy. I'm alive, I'm trying to be well, and most importantly, most fundamentally, most quintessentially,

I stay silly.

[fertilize-my-eggs]

Send to the mha omegaverse ch.4

Breed breed breeding.

Ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 A03

Every chapter will be posted on thursday ❤️

Breed breeding breeding… was in my mind as I followed shigaraki’s scent, I couldn't stop myself as my body was following the sweet citrus scent.

I ran towards it like a hound dog chasing after a prey as I suddenly stopped at the door in front of me.

I can smell it, I slowly grab the door knob but stopped immediately as I hear the loud growl coming inside.

“ omega, I'm warning you . . . Don't open the door. ” I hear Shigaraki's voice, it's faint and quiet but I can feel his alpha aura in my bones as I begin to smile. I want him and it's been weeks I'm not gonna let this go, my omega mind telling me to head inside and have his puppies.

I turned the knob to realize it wasn't locked but the strong musk smell hit in my nose immediately as I must have cost his rut to start early as I saw him in bed as he growl deeply and humping the sheets.

“ alpha… I want you… I only want you and no one else, do you understand me! ” I chirp at him with hope as my slick juice slides down my legs.

In my old life, I was just a loser and didn't lose my virginity once that thunder hit me and sent me into the mha world… I have always been loyal to shigaraki, I always loved him when I first started watching my hero academia.

It was only him…. I fear tomura will hurt me since I disobey him.

His crimson eyes stare at me, it's a mix of emotions it's hard to describe what he feels as I stare at him.

He begins to smirk as he lets out a deep raspy laughter, it rattles my bones as I shiver with excitement and fear.

“ I can smell it… your heat… ” you watch his eyes dilating fast as he raises his body upwards as he smiles.

“ omega can't control yourself whenever you're around an alpha like me… but I can tell you were interested in me. Why? ” he tilts his head as he stare at me, I begin to feel my cheeks getting hot as I look down.. will he accept me if I'm not from this world.

“ Shigaraki, I'll have to tell you the truth… I'm not from this world, it's a long story but I don't belong there. "Tomura tilted his head confused but I can tell he was curious as he rose up from the bed as he looked at me.

“ Alpha shigaraki. You're probably thinking I'm crazy but in my old world everything… isn't like this. ” I move my hands around in his room as I begin to speak.

“ It's not cartoony like this but my world is realistic and nobody has a quirk.. I-. ”

He growls at me as I immediately shut up.” stop… stop talking, I can't.. ” No warning he kissed my lips, it was soft and gentle as I gasped into the kiss.

It was sweet, I closed my eyes shut as I played with his messy hair. I'll probably regret saying this but for now I want to enjoy this.

He presses me up against the wall as he deep kisses as I moan out. I start to blush, I've never kissed anyone like that and didn't know I could make a noise like it too.

“ omega.~ Are you sure you want to do this? ” He begins to smirk at me as I feel like I'm having butterflies in my stomach as I look at him.

“ because if you accept me as your mate, I'll never let you go. Do you understand me omega? ” I don't know if he was being truthful or my quirk affected him but I didn't care as I pressed a kiss to his lips.

“ alpha.~ ”

“ omega.~ ”

I rise my neck towards him as he growl at the submissive offered to him as he smirks devilish.

“ let's move this to my bed, it'll be cozy for you my omega.~ ” I blink fast as I giggle quietly as I thought to myself, my omega? I feel special already. I begin to feel hot on my cheeks as he pulls me towards the bed.

This is happening, I'm going to have my first time with my favorite anime villain!! I'm fangirling so hard just thinking about it.

I begin to remove my clothes but I feel him grab my wrist as I look at him.

“ What’s wrong my alpha? ” I tilt my head at him as he coo tenderly.

“ let me remove it for you… omega. ” I see him start to blush awww how cute!! He acts so shy, I've never seen him act like this in the anime…  I wonder if he will have the same faith as the manga… I stop thinking about it and not worrying about it, I shouldn't be thinking about it… but wouldn't alpha tend to be aggressive while they're in a rut? Why isn't he ripping my clothes off fast?

“ I don't want to harm you omega~ ” ahh okay I see… he's probably not used to having a woman in his life that's why he's being extra careful.

He carefully pulls my shirt up and over my head as I begin to cover myself… I then realized he's gonna see me naked and this is the first time a man will see myself nude.

I begin to look away as I feel hot all over my face.

“ What's wrong? ” I look at Tomura as he has a soft smile as I blink slowly and begin to smile back.. maybe this isn't a bad idea but I want to live here and stay with him.

I don't care if I die again, I want him.

“ I-it's my first time… having someone see me naked.. I haven't lost my virginity to be honest. ” shigaraki felt his cheeks getting more red as he looked away in embarrassment.

“ ah… it's okay omega, I haven't lost it either… we'll take it nice and slow if you want. ” I smile at him as I pull him close.

“ you're probably dying from the rut my alpha 

~ please use me, I want you to… breed me please~? ” should I say that towards him wouldn't it be-..

Tomura pulls me into a passionate kiss as I moan out loud, I pull him closer as we're landing into the soft sheets.

Without thinking we quickly remove each other's clothes as they fly onto the floor.

I pull away to see tomura shigaraki naked in front of my own eyes, I bite my lip hard… he's so beautiful.. His skinny body was beautiful as I slowly looked down at his lean chest to his stomach area.

The v-line look so tasty as I followed his little happy trail to the base of his cock… holy fuck, he's massive… me and shiggy simps were right in fanfics, shigaraki has a big cock. It starts to make me nervous as I look away. That thing looks so angry and could easily rip me in two.

“ I can sense your stress omega but I'll be gentle okay… don't worry about me, I'll take care of you.~ ” I cover my eyes as I feel tears almost coming out, he's so sweet oh my god.

I nodded my head too embarrassed to look at him, he gently removed my arm.

“ look at me, omega, you look so beautiful like this.~ ” I smile at him as he pushes my thick thighs wide for him, I chip at him.

Feeling a bit embarrassed that he saw myself fully naked.

My heat is driving me nuts as I grab his wrist as he looks up at me.

“ please… no foreplay, I need you now alpha please~ "Tomura snapped as he growled at you, he tapped my clit a bit.

He grabs his cock to my entrance as he looks up at me.

“ Are you sure you want to continue this? ”

“ Yes please!! Alpha I need you already, I'm going crazy by this heat please.~ ” Tomura smiled at you as he thrust himself into my pussy, it was pretty awkward since he missed three times but the fourth time.

He slid into me, he rolled his head back.” crap.. I don-.. ” I feel something hot and wet inside of my pussy as I tilt my head.

“ sorry.. I came inside of you too soon omega.. you're too pretty, I wasn't expecting a beautiful omega to be attractive towards me. ” I frown at him a bit as I pull him close.

Whisper into his ear softly.” it's okay.. you can try again alpha~ just for me please, I still need you. ” I felt his head nod as he began to move. It felt painful as I wrinkled my nose a bit, it hurt but not too bad. 

I was expecting it to hurt for the first time having sex but it's getting good as I moan out.

“ fast please alpha.~ ” Tomura pulls away as he has burning passion and love.

He thrust fast and bit rough but it's very sloppy as I look down when we're connected.

He looks so beautiful like this, sweating and hair messy as his eyes are close shut from the pleasure and tongue sticking out. Oh I'm bleeding a bit, I can see the blood covering his dick.

“ please… please please. ” I tilt my head at him in confusion.

“ Are you sure you want me to breed you? ” For the first time I see shigaraki’s eyes turn dark, the red rings are gone and it's a pitch black hue as I gulp a bit.

I blink at him as I smile. Well, I'm not leaving anytime soon so I want to enjoy this.

I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer as I offered my neck towards him.

“ I'm your omega tomura shigaraki, I want you as my mate please… accept me as yours. ” I thought this is ridiculous and there is no way I'm having sex with tomura shigaraki and letting him be my boyfriend… I don't know how long but I hope we'll last longer.

Shigaraki leans into my neck as he bites it hard, I begin to cry out. I think that was his last straw as he began to pound into me fast and hard.

I wrapped my legs and arm around him for dear life as I screamed out in pain.

I felt him move away to lick my wounds as I leaned near his neck feeling a bit scared but surprisingly he offered his neck towards me as I bit his neck.

My small fangs poke through his skin as he growls lower.

I cry out from his rough heavy thrust, my brain only thinks about breeding and wants his pups fast.

I tight my thighs close, pushing him deeper as I moan his name like a marathon.

I feel his knot at my entrance, he gets closer, I can feel it.

It's kinda confusing me a bit about omegaverse, I thought shigaraki was supposed to cum when he was fully knotted. Maybe I'm not sure about the lord and don't understand it as much.

He leaned in to kiss my marked neck as he cooed.” I'm close omega.~ nghh how do you orgasm? ” I tilt my head at him as I said.

“ I'll show you alpha.~ ” I gently grab his wrist as I move it towards my entrance, I let him touch my clit as I sigh softly from this.

“ rub my clit, it'll help it go faster.~ ” Shigaraki nods his head as I moan out his name.

I can feel it, I feel it's getting closer as I push my head onto the pillow, I feel my legs moving onto the sheet as I breath heavily and fast.

My chest is moving rapidly as I cry out.” I'm close tomura~!! ” He nodded his head too in agreement as he pushed my thighs into my chest as I widened my eyes.

Oh shit…I feel his thighs hitting my ass as I feel his cock twitching inside of me as I grips the sheets.

I couldn't speak.

“ fuck!! Take it~!! Take it, take it, omega, I'm cumming.” the high pitch groan coming from shigaraki as we're reaching our first high together.

I scream out his name, feeling his cum hit my womb as the knot is stuck in my pussy as he collapses on top of me.

We're breathing heavily as he looks at me with love as he kisses my neck.

“ you're so pretty like this omega.~ ” I smile at him as I hug him closer, he growls at me as I raise my brow at him.

“ you're not leaving until you're knocked up by me. ”  I gasp and feel his cock twitching inside of my cunt.

“ This will last a week. ” a week?!? I thought to myself as I bit my lips.

This is gonna be hot steamy love making for one week.

I coo at him as I pull him close.”this is intense… I never had it like this… it's so fuck.. fucking hell. ” he rise his brow at me as I softly giggle at him.

“ it's was amazing alpha, I enjoy your cock.~ it's so good~! ” I purr at him as he begins to blush red, he pulls me closer as he whines.

“ stop.. you're making me get hard again. ” I smirk at him as I kiss his lips passionately.

“ that fine with me my alpha.~” I can feel his smirk grow wider as he pull away.

“ ohh you're definitely gonna be a problem little omega.~ ”

[local-pr1nter]

Kiyotaka Ishimaru Ship Dynamics!

These are my personal opinions and headcanons! If you do not like them then please move on!

Assume these are all based in a Non-Despair AU!

Ishimondo

I've mentioned them before multiple times, but they're just that good and I adore them.

Real sweethearts and adore each other.

I've spoken about them multiple times now though so I'll just add some small things.

Daiya teases the two of them relentlessly. He refers to Taka as his brother-in-law and it always makes Mondo turn red- either with rage or embarrassment, who knows.

Takaaki was not a fan of the relationship at first, but eventually warmed up to Mondo after seeing how happy he made Taka- and not to mention how Mondo's changed immensely since they first met.

Daiya was the one to fully encourage Takaaki to just support them. He invited the Ishimarus over for dinner one night and it went lovely- after Mondo and Takaaki bickered for a while of course. Overall, it was a nice moment between all of them.

Takaaki eventually warms up to Mondo so much that he reveals that he also used to ride back when he was younger (I think it would be funny AND would shock everyone- not even Taka would know, shocking him the most.)

Ishikuro

YEAAAAH ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVORITE OF MINE

I love the concept of two people learning how to be in a relationship when they don't get social cues or haven't had anything similar to a romantic relationship before.

I think they have a lot of potential as a couple.

Outspoken hall monitor x stoic soldier lets fucking go.

Either of them could've fallen first, but neither of them would've realized it at first. Mukuro would acknowledge it, but not have any clue of how to go about it, so would bury the feelings down deep inside and just try to ignore it. Kiyotaka would slowly realize it, only to freak out and panic because AHHHHHHH NEW FEELINGS ARE SCARY-

But once he calms down and accepts his feelings he'd probably bring it up with his friends. Leon would freak out about it but Chihiro, Hiro, and Mondo would be fully supportive about it. They'd help him ask her out before following them on their date to make sure nothing goes wrong (cough Junko cough)

Which speaking of-

Junko would NOT be happy with Mukuros crush. Mostly because she's not a fan of Kiyotaka, doesn't wanna lose Mukuros attention, and is jealous that someone actually chose her out of the two of them.

She'd probably try to sabotage their first date in any way she can, but of course Mondo, Chihiro, Leon, and Hiro are bros™ and won't let her ruin it.

And would you look at that! The date goes well!

Taka and Mukuro are very low-key and slow with their relationship- their first kiss had them bright red within minutes and neither of them could speak.

Like they had a system reset or some shit.

Against PDA, Taka wouldn't be very touchy with her in public. Even then, as they're still getting used to a romantic relationship, they aren't very touchy with each other. The most they'll do is cuddle in bed, either after Mukuro wakes up from a nightmare or Kiyotaka gets overwhelmed and shuts down.

In public, the most they would do is hold hands. It makes them both very happy.

They both just wanna take things slow and not ruin anything.

Mukuro is definitely a follower in this relationship, but Taka always encourages her to speak up or let him know if she's uncomfortable or if they wanna do something else together. She always appreciates being treated as an equal in the relationship.

After a while I think Mukuro is the one who likes to touch the most. Mostly holding his hand, arm, pinkie, or the strap of his bag whenever they walk. Almost like she wants everyone to know that she cares about this dork and if anyone touches him she will beat them up.

Both very protective of one another, Mukuro more than Taka but still both of them are very protective.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Stop the Harassment

After everything that's happened, you guys sure make it easy to quit a fandom. Let's be real here, who wants to be in a fandom where you harass minors, bully people so much so that they try to commit? First it was cosplayers, now even creators who caused no harm are being violated and bullied.

Sure I might lose followers but I sure as hell won't just be staying silent about this, not when my friend has already suffered through enough, I know the culprit, I'm just staying silent on behalf of my friend because they don't want this thing escalated. I shouldn't even feel like I'll be targeted after this because what kind of community have we created that we should expect the worst?

My friend has been nothing but nice to the rest of you and for you to treat them this way after they've been through so much after what you guys did in the first place just sickens and disgusts me to my core. Even before this whole thing they came to Tumblr for refuge because of their difficult time but you guys don't care about that right?

No because apparently what you do in this fandom is you tear someone apart who found comfort here to make them feel so bad that it's either they quit or commit.

She took responsibility saying that it was a mistake but no, apparently people have to be flawless for any one of you to accept them right? Is being a minor a crime? Is that it? Because last time I checked, Tumblr was an ages 12+ app so why are we so concerned? Regarding the allegations, they don't interact with mdni, even if they did in the past it was probably by accident.

Regarding minors reading and writing nsfw shit, I've said it before and I'll say it again, blocking is a thing? Can't y'all all comprehend that? Is it really that difficult to understand that you even have to spread personal information to others? For all you know my friend could now be targeted and preyed on by some creep because they found out they're a minor.

People are gonna ask me who it is but I can't answer for them, they just want peace and I want to clarify some things because I can't just let people think my friend this apparently "horrid" thing within the fandom without defending them, you were the one who interacted with them first (WITHOUT MDNI IN YOUR BLOG) and now they're getting pinned and taking all the blame when you didn't even care to tell her that suddenly you put it in your blog?

Not only this but what do you have to stand to gain in all of this? I wonder what was your motive to tear someone down and let your little minions do it for you because you don't wanna be involved.

The fact that you let this spread and let people do this to them without taking accountability for how this started or at least telling people to stop because what you caused just baffles me because how can someone have such inability to feel remorse and guilt, you've been awfully silent haven't you?

Probably because it's better to have someone take the blame regarding the harassment right? Because some people are standing up for them, though I know that some refuse to talk, I know they're also here to support them. You are one of the only people who knew of their age and damn did you make it easy to find you.

I don't even know how one person is capable of doing this to another, which I suspect you've been leaving some of the anon asks to them too when they've been nothing but nice to you, the least the rest of you can do is cut them some slack, Dms is a thing right? Block and move on, as simple as that. But no, the rest of you just had to spam it on other creators' accounts with the mixing of some false allegations.

Not only that but this? Can't y'all just leave them alone? You all act as if they personally killed your parents or something, it's like they committed some sort of crime in which they didn't.. you all did by spreading their PRIVATE CONFIDENTIAL information. None of you truly knows what happened and yet you all act like you're some sort of detective, have you all not learned anything from what happened to Vincent (Inquisitore) and Viper, apparently Milo is now also getting targeted for some silly video?

I wanted to post the other less filtered version of this post because I was so mad for my friend but in regards to people in my blog, this is as filtered as I can get it. If any of you ever harass her again, we WILL find your account and you best believe I'll have no shame to tag you, even more so if you've blocked me.

What's up with always hiding behind anons? You're scared of what people might say to you because YOU as an ADULT has been harassing a minor? That's what this is right? The rest of you are scared if the consequences of your actions because you know to yourselves that you've done SOMETHING wrong.

This is such a shit show, what even is this fandom anymore? I swear that not onec have I been in such a shitty one and I've been through all sorts of fandom, never as toxic as this one, great job y'all, you guys just beat the toxic k-pop stans in my list.

Though some of you are so kind and wonderful, there are still THOSE bad people out there who seek to tear someone apart for whatever petty reason.

I'm taking a break from all this and though I still will be writing behind the scenes so that I'll have the strength to keep going, you all disappoint me as a community.

[anticidic]

thanks for tagging me @marichild !! lowkey obsessed with this

Fanfic Writer Interview

How many works do you have on AO3?

21 as of right now! (It should be 22 because I still haven't put up my fic from the bsd Halloween zine up yet, but I DIGRESS)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

from a to o, i love you so — an omegaverse A/A -> A/O Soukoku piece of Dazai having a mild identity crisis and trying to accept himself for who he is.

foiled fables — A Soukoku yokai!au about Chuuya stumbling upon an eerie shrine and learning the hard way that kitsunes do, in fact, exist.

with me, disaster finds a playfield — Beast!AU from Chuuya's pov loosely following the light novel, only Dazai lives. And instead of telling Beast!Akutagawa and Beast!Atsushi about the Book and "other world", he tells Chuuya.

letters to my chosen one — Angel & Demon AU where Dazai, a historian, is suddenly approached and asked by the higher court of angels to be appointed to a human as a guardian angel after Chuuya's previous guardian angel goes missing.

bad days, good nights — Birthday piece for Dazai. Chuuya loses a bet (again) and wears a maid dress (again).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond promptly, but sometimes I'll open and read a comment and PLAN to reply later, then a week goes by before I remember again. Longer comments I may take some time to get back to, but I do my best to respond to readers! I love the speculations people make about where they think I'm taking the story (shoutout to someone who predicted a critical plot point way in advance before I even got to it) but yes, I respond! I love and appreciate comments!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

still the snowflakes fall — A what-if had Dazai been a part of the Decay of Angels instead. And Fyodor's very involved in their relationship. Predictably, it isn't very happy. Dazai loses his memories after a page in the Book rewrites his past, and it doesn't come back to him until all of Yokohama is already engulfed in flames.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think probably from a to o, i love you so. Because it's about Dazai waking up one morning and losing a critical part of his identity and suddenly everything he knows is a lie. But despite fumbling, he comes to accept a new reality because, as Chuuya puts it, he's still Dazai. That core part of him hasn't changed.

Do you write crossovers?

I don't, and don't think I would because it feels like a complicated thing to tackle, but I've considered writing fusions! Like, more than several times I've thought of writing bsd characters in a Honkai Star Rail setting, or even like a world where Pokémon exist.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've gotten a few weird comments, but I just delete/block and move on.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

SO LIKE, I'm not even gonna toe around this (lol). Because if you look at my ao3, it's almost all entirely E fics. I like smut included in plots and smut with feelings, though. PWPs aren't really my style, I've found.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've been graciously approached a few times asking to translate my works! But because they were explicit in nature, I didn't feel comfortable having them translated to Wattpad. I'm not terribly familiar with Wattpad's policies with that sort of content, but I didn't want the people asking to risk getting in trouble.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Does unpublished count @ohhcinnybuns and I go back and forth with our Snow White!Dazai and Prince!Chuuya writings.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

It feels unfair to name one, but IwaOi and ShuAke still hold tiny places in my heart though I'm not as interested in Haikyuu!! and Persona 5 anymore. And then there's Soukoku for the last like...eight years.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a Dead Apple sorta-one shot that I just haven't found the time to go back to. It was from Chuuya's pov shortly after fighting the dragon and saving Yokohama. Basically just post-Dead Apple stuff, but Dazai taking off with him instead for some sweet post-corruption care. I don't want to say I'll NEVER finish it, but I just have so,, so many other things that both need my attention and have my attention because of sheer brainrot.

What are your writing strengths?

Painting scenes and going into depth about character motives and inner thoughts! I'm almost detail-oriented to a fault, and I've had scenes compared to like reading Dostoevsky a lot.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, weirdly enough. I always had a sneaking suspicion that I write a little too much exposition and focus on too many details that there's not enough dialogue. (I even wrote a fic entirely without any dialogue.) It's something I've been actively working on! It feels weird struggling on dialogue when my job requires me to actively engage with others throughout the entire day, but I'm just an awkward potato dialogue writer.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

This feels tough to me, because I feel like honorifics don't translate as well to English. I write Japanese honorifics simply because I feel like it reads a little better, but that's about it. I throw in some Japanese-originated words like tatami mats, taiyaki, and kotatsus since most of what I write takes place in Japan.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Jouno/Tetchou for sure! I love them, but I just don't have any inspiration for them. Every inspiring idea I get ends up going to Soukoku or Fyozai. I wanted to once write a Valentine's fic for Suegiku of Jouno giving Tetchou boxed chocolates, but then it didn't happen.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

foiled fables!! The origin of the kitsune!Dazai brainrot that spiraled out of control into kitsune!Chuuya and now kitsune!skk as a whole. I finished it a while ago and almost like not even a day goes by where I don't think about it. Someone even made lovely art inspired by it, and another person made a playlist dedicated to it and it makes my heart swell. But I also really loved coming up with the plot and the twist in it.

no pressure tags!!: @mothboypoison @unicornpopcorn14 @frankenjoly @ohhcinnybuns @floatysparrowthing

[williamaltman]

Life is Strange 2 thoughts/feelings/review

So, Life is Strange 2. I finished the game yesterday and watched the other endings today. Things are not as fresh in my mind as if I had just finished and I talked a bit about it in other places so this feels a bit hard, but I'll try to lay down all my thoughts...

First of all... All my homies love LIS2, fuck you if you don't like LIS2! Seriously though, for years I've seen people say that the game wasn't good, that the characters weren't as good as the ones from the first one, that the Sean/Daniel relationship wasn't that interesting... I kinda did suspect it was just nostalgia goggles or whatever, but now I know for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with connecting more with LIS1 and having a deeper relationship with it, but in this case I think you shouldn't even be comparing them and expecting the game to live up to that to you in the first place.

Now, onto the actual game. God, this was so fucking heartbreaking. I think I cried in every single episode. The very core premise of the story is just so sad, so unfair, and despite the powers so rooted in reality that it left me legit feeling uncomfortable with how fucked up their whole situation was. There are good moments, sure, but honestly every single thing that happens from the moment their dad is shot is just... Not how their life should've had to be.

Sure, LIS1 and BTS had dark themes too. But here, it's like, they lose everything from the beginning. Sean doesn't get to go to his party, to hang out with Lyla, to continue his normal life in any way. Daniel loses a part of his childhood. They're both forced to grow up so much faster than they should. There's a line Sean says in episode 3, and it's just a little idle VO, but it fucking crushed me, "Stop overthinking. You're not a teenager anymore". Even though he's fucking 16... He's 16 and he has to essentially become a parent. I knew what the game was about and lowkey followed it a bit when it was releasing, knew a few spoilers, but that didn't make anything any less heartbreaking.

I thought it was beautiful how the game took the opportunity to showcase and celebrate alternate lifestyles. The "family", Away, their freedom and how they interacted with society brings so much into perspective. I'm still a bit conflicted about Karen tbh, but I'm glad that at least they did show something beautiful through her story.

My biggest problem overall is probably how they handled the Finn romance route... I knew back when the game was releasing that despite adding a male LI, they pushed the female one more onto you and gave her more content, while locking the option to kiss him with a "bad choice" (I didn't know what exactly it was). And yeah, that is still true. I still think it was a mistake to lock the kiss with accepting the heist, and while I kinda understand the writer's explanation for that, I still think it could've been handled in another way, or they could've just let him kiss you and "betray" you by doing the heist anyway, since he still does that when you're friends lol.

I see people complaining that because they moved from place to place each episode, there wasn't enough time to connect with the characters... Idk if I'd say I disagree, but it just wasn't really the case for me. I was very invested in all the relationships, in Finn, Cassidy, Jacob, Chris, Karen. Everyone at the farm was cool and everyone in Away too. Lyla. You get so many tidbits about the characters even when they're not there on screen. The only thing I have to say which is kinda related to that, is that I think the time jumps were maybe a bit too big, and that the way they handled Mushroom was... weird.

I got the Parting Ways ending, and I'm satisfied with it. I kinda planned to get it, but only in the sense that I was spoiled that you get with Finn there. I didn't know that the whole morality thing had anything to do with it, and I played the first two episodes without even knowing that there was a points system about that and about brotherhood. I just made all the choices that were high morality (besides killing the cougar and the heist) because it was what I would do, and tried to be a good brother for Daniel. I figured that choosing to cross the border would most likely give me that one, but I just couldn't accept Sean having to go to prison for 15 years for something he didn't even do. If we were able to choose between Parting Ways and Blood Brothers, then I would actually be conflicted about which I wanted.

With the way the game's system works though, where you need to have low morality to get Blood Brothers, I couldn't really do it. I can't imagine myself teaching Daniel to be selfish and not care about killing people. I actually think it's super cool to watch Daniel use his power offensively and fuck shit up, but it just wouldn't be my version of the story. It's funny because, if we just played as Daniel, I wouldn't mind going that route. But since we play as Sean, with it being our job to raise Daniel, I feel a different kind of responsability towards leading him to become a good person. I also think it's beautiful that he gets to have the rest of his childhood, teenagehood, and live a "normal" healthy life with his grandparents. He does it in the redemption one too, but as I said, that just screws up Sean too much.

So, I'm a little disappointed that they're separated (and maybe can't ever see each other again? I'm a bit confused about Daniel's situation and whether he could visit), and that it's a bit shorter than the others (at least than the redemption one), but it IS the ending my playthrough led to and in that I'm satisfied.

I think this story is just incredible. It touched me so much, and the fact that some people can't see it genuinely frustrates me. The people complaining it's too political in particular can just go fuck themselves. It might not be perfect, but like with all things I appreciate, I'm just so glad it exists.

[grapecaseschoices]

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

-

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

-

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

-

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

-

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

-

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

-

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

-

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

-

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

-

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

-

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

-

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

-

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

-

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure,  it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is.  It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’?  Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into?  It’s yes or no,  Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?” 

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!” 

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.” 

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?” 

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

-

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #7

"A Dinosaur in Dimmadelphia" - Full moon in the title card!

Hazel's parents are really engaged in having fun. I'm a little curious as to where this is going, since if we follow the OG lore, Hazel should lose Cosmo and Wanda once she's no longer miserable. I'm curious if they're going to push that direction or retire that bit of lore.

Also, C and W kind of snuck in under the radar and are retired otherwise, so Jorgen probably won't ride them as hard as he used to.

SLKDJF- It's a WHAT?

Obtuse Rubber Goose - 2001 B.C.

Of course she's more into the rocks.

/sweats at the billboard for Atlantis Condos even though it's painted in a mural. Cosmo... (Also I love the dinos by the water coolers in that image).

Man, this is a playground for both Cosmo AND Wanda's destructive histories!

I have feelings about the Fairlysaurus. I question nothing.

They're so cute.

The unfortunate thing about this show is that Whisper can tell me some scientists believe dinosaurs wore top hats and had electricity and unfortunately that's 100% possible in this world.

I like how Hazel's creature-hunting dad listens to Whispers Fred's podcast. That's gonna go well.

I like how Cosmo and Wanda can understand dinosaurs. She would be the type to understand them and wipe them out of existence anyway.

Confirmed 10k-year vacation through time!!

Hazel wishing "I wish people weren't afraid of dinosaurs" after bringing one to the future is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Welp, that solves that.

sldkfj, Wanda proudly talking about the comet that wipes out dinosaur life as if she didn't personally launch that comet.

"If I can't send [the dinosaur] home, I'll do the next best thing: Get him a job!" - I changed my mind, that's even funnier. Hazel, why?

I love the background hills:

I like the implication that people are totally ready to accept the dinosaur as an actor because they're no longer afraid of him, so he can stroll in and not only are they unafraid, they also don't question it. Yeah, that sounds about right.

This vibe is very funny since Timmy usually tried keeping his wishes under wraps. Hazel's just been changing her surroundings and people play along.

I like that Whispers Fred and the museum guy had a bet about dinosaurs having electricity and the museum guy just sighs and pays it. Yeah, okay.

... Do I know that screaming man? Why does he sound familiar? Is he from "T.U.F.F. Puppy?" I know him... Is it Meerkat, my beloved?

-> I looked it up and Meerkat's VA is Daran Norris (Cosmo's VA). So... Yes, it was probably him using a Meerkat-adjacent voice, SKLSDJF.

Mystery mayor...

Is that #1 Dad in the crowd? Where is your baby?

SKLDFJS we're keeping the dinosaur. Okay.

"Fearless" time! - This title card has SPOT-ON Cosmo and Wanda in their old designs. Nice!

Did Hazel share a room with her brother, hence the bunk bed?

I like how Hazel's wardrobe is filled with identical outfits just like Timmy's closet used to be.

I like how the movies are also in 2D animation style.

Dev loves staring at Hazel and judging her in the background, doesn't he?

The kid on the voting poster reminds me of Imaginary Gary.

Note to self, include a trigger warning for this episode if I recommend it to anyone who doesn't like horror. It's no "Dark Harvest" or what-not, but they do a good job of making it creepy to kids, but... whoa.

I like the idea of Jasmine's fears coming to life as separate people outside her body, which is different than when Timmy wished he was fearless and became numb.

Hazel wishing for a Hazel stand-in to hold her place in class was smart. She and Chloe would be friends.

sldkjf, bug spray with the cockroach from "Wanda's Day Off" on it.

The plot about Jasmine having to be the one to face her fears is clever. Also, Hazel implied she has to avoid revealing magic, so it looks like she did get the basic rules explained (and they're still in play in this spin-off).

Wait, why is the girl who was reading "Shakespeare for Mimes" afraid of clowns?

I'm glad the crowns make metallic sounds when they fall since they're magnetic in the OG series.

OH SNAP- Hazel getting called out for "trying to make this friendship into what she had with her brother." That's rough, kid. Forcing Hazel to face her fears is a clever way to introduce her insecurities to the audience. I like it.

The list of champions on the school's wall goes up as far as 2019, and we can't be THAT far in the future since there aren't others.

I did worry where this plot was going, so I'm glad Hazel opted not to watch scary movies and instead pick something her friend wanted to do too :)

[dpdcultureis]

can i get a run down of typical dpd traits and what it's like to have the disorder??? i didn't realize this was a disorder (which- as someone with a special interest in psychology it came as a surprise-) and i'm genuinely curious and want to learn more... i have suspicions about myself and some friends of mine now... 😅

also, if you'd rather dm me answers than post, that's totally fine too! i may end up with follow up questions too 😅

(also i'm so sorry if this isn't the type of ask you prefer and you don't have to answer at all if you don't want, i'm just curious and usually talking to ppl w i t h the specific disorders is sm more helpful and accurate than google 💀)

hey hi!! i'll answer with regards to how it presents for me, but keep in mind that it'll probably look a bit different for me because i have other mental illnesses (including personality disorders) that also influence my behaviour ^^ any of my followers are free to chime in with their experiences too, and just looking through the #actually dpd or #actually dependent tags might be a good pursuit too!!

for me it manifests as being very anxious about making my own decisions (even when i don't necessarily recognise it as such; sometimes it presents so casually - asking about something that really doesn't need external input - that i don't notice when it happens). it also causes a deep fear of living alone and being abandoned/losing the people close to me, although the first one may be partially influenced by the fact i'm physically disabled, and the latter is common in some other PDs too. i typically seek validation over little things and share as much of what i'm doing as possible to my close friends in an attempt to reaffirm my acceptance and the fact they care about me, in a way?

for me i also seem to get a bit clingy, which if left unchecked could progress into something worse like overprotectiveness/jealousy and the like. for me that doesn't happen because my other PDs mask that aspect, but i do sometimes feel that possessiveness that i worry about, especially around my depended (DPD's version of the BPD 'favourite person', for lack of a better way to explain it)

being asked to guess or make my own decision causes me some anxiety, and doing things without permission causes a similar stress. i still tell my parents whenever i'm leaving the house and what i'm doing, and sometimes ask if i can go out, and i turn 20 later this year 😭

i can't really think of much else to talk about that isn't just reiterating what i've already said but with different examples, so now i'll leave this open for any followers here to rb/comment and add their own experiences!

(if you're curious, the other PDs i believe i have are AvPD and BPD, which overlap somewhat with these symptoms, but also work to mask some of them too. bc of that, a lot of my experience with DPD is internal)

[feministsouthpark]

Mrs. Tweak - Character analysis (Part 1)

I'm starting a new series, analyzing some of my favorite South Park characters, starting with the one and only... Oh no... She's only known by her husband's surname! Well, for the purposes of my text, I'll call her on the widely accepted fanon name, Helen. And it's not like South Park has shied away from using fanon names in their official material. Let's start with S2E17 Gnomes, in which she appears for the first time, along with her son and husband.

"Some things are more important than money. The people of South Park count on you to give them that first cup of coffee every day."

Her very first line serves as introduction to her values and beliefs. She is a devoted housewife, who believes in her husband. Clearly, she is a woman with a strong moral code first and foremost, and is a devoted housewife second.

Helen: Oh, hello, son. How was your day? Tweek: UUuuUunh! Helen: That's good. Who are your little friends? Tweek: What do you mean?! Kyle: We're his oral report buddies. Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it. Helen: Well, have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.

In her next interaction we learn about her as a mother, and she is shown caring for her son and being patient with him. But we're also met with a flaw in her parenting (of course, what else could you expect from South Park) which is that she nonchalantly offers coffee to children.

Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee. Helen: Oh, you'll like this coffee. It's fresh. And she coerces them to take it, although it's clearly out of good willed ignorance, rather than malicious intent.

Stan: 'Kay. Maybe it'll help us figure out what to do our report on. We have to present it to the entire South Park town committee tomorrow. Richard: Oh. I've got one for you. How about doing a report on how large corporations take over little family-owned businesses? Helen: Richard! Richard: No, I'm- serious, hon. These boys should learn how the corporate machine is ruining America. You see, I own a coffee shop and now a great, big, multi-million dollar company is going to move in and try to take all my business, which means I may have to shut down and sell my son Tweek into slavery. As you see, she is opposing to Richard using the children for commercial, however she is indifferent towards the way he threatens Tweek, probably because it's too common in their household. She chalks it up as Richard's weird sense of humor. She is however more strict with her son than her husband, as we see in the exchange that follows.

Kyle: We're already doing a paper on Tweek's underpants gnomes. Helen: Now, Tweek, how many times do we have to tell you? Your underpants are missing because you lose them, not because of underpants gnomes. Which line solidifies her as a grounded-in-reality type of individual. While Richard threatening Tweek wasn't that big of a deal for her, since it was a joke anyway (not that Tweek would know that, however Helen's parenting skills are lacking in the child's healthy psychological development department), but she stands up for something that she sees a problem with, because as soon as Richard says the boys should do their project in corporate takeovers again, she opposes, just like she did for the first time the idea was conceived, but this time she further explains her worries, instead of just interrupting.

"Honestly, Richard. I don't see why you have to preach to some eight-year olds."

While she is dismissive of her husband's idea of using the children, she still demonstrates great care for his side of the problem. "My goodness. That's going to be a huge coffee house, honey." Then what follows is 8 year old Kyle questioning her parenting methods. Probably based on the fact that Sheila is overprotective, and Helen is quite the opposite.

Kyle: Do you ever think maybe you shouldn't give your son coffee? Helen: Like, how do you mean? Kyle: Like look at him. He's always shaking and nervous. Tweek: Agghh! Helen: [holding a bag of Tweekers BLEND] Oh, that. He has ADD, attention deficit disorder. That's why he's so jittery all the time. The writing seems to imply that Helen is in fact wrong, and her letting Tweek drink coffee is the problem (well Richard gives it to him mostly, but she fully enables it), however Tweek does show genuine signs of ADD in the later seasons, so in retrospective canon, she might as well be right, at least partly.

Back to the episode's political topic, she has yet another exchange with Richard about her concerns: Richard: What do you think, hon? [she crosses her arms and moves away him. He follows] Hon? What's the matter? Helen: I have a big problem with this. Richard: What do you mean? Helen: We are just using those boys for our benefit. They have no idea what they're saying. Richard: But, kids are great to get people on our side. Helen: You don't just throw a child in a political commercial to sell your beliefs. I won't be a part of this anymore. [walks out the door] Richard: Honey, all's fair in love and war. And coffee. Hon? Hu-hon? As you can see, while Richard asks for her opinion, it's not out of respect. He just wants her to tell him he's doing great, he expected her to compliment and reassure him, even though she clearly stated time and time again that she disagrees on the matter. Richard ignored her thoughts and expected her to go along with everything he does, only after she leaves him, does he realize he is taking her for granted. And the episode makes it clear that the writers of the episode believe her to be right. In the end, she gives the "I've learned something today" speech. Yes, the parent who is wrong in one thing (giving her son coffee) and gets criticized by the ever so judgemental moral compass of the boys, Kyle, also gets to give a Kyle-speech of her own, which positions her to be in the right on that specific debate. South Park has low-key been creating multidimensional female anti-villains back in season 2? Well, yes, but that is party because this character wasn't conceived by Trey and Matt only. This episode is co-written by Pam Brady - a producer and creative consultant of the show - in her only full-on writing credit for the series. And I can't help but feel like her sense of womanhood helped shape Helen to be the well-rounded character she is. "These boys are absolutely right. We've been using these poor kids to pull at your heartstrings for our cause, and it's wrong. We're as low and despicable as Rob Reiner. You keep protesting and complaining, but did any of you ever even bother to taste Harbucks coffee? Harbucks coffee got to where it is by being the best. Don't you think you should at least try it?" There you have it. She is pro-corporation, and wether you agree with her or not, so are the writers (in 1998). And you better believe Trey and Matt see her as the hero of the story by the moment she is insulting Rob Reiner! She even earns a turn in her marriage, Richard listens to her at once, and tries Harbucks, and realizes he likes it. He then gets a new job running the local Harbucks, gaining more money than before. So he did not only became a better husband for her sake, but also a better breadwinner - thanks to her efforts to talk some sense into him.

[alice-the-demon]

Since you're not accepting "how'd your characters react to my character", does this apply to AU crossovers?

I'll answer in a moment, but before that I want to get off my chest some things and be a little honest with you guys: I kinda felt bad after I wrote that post.

I probably hurt some kid's feelings by basically telling them to screw off and stop asking me to draw their characters talking with mines, but at the same time I felt tired and frustrated to see my ask box full of requests for me to just play with their characters, as in think of how my characters would act and find the force to draw.

Speaking of kids/minors, I don't know how many of them are actually following me but I'm not sure if it's okay for them to see complicated stuff like PTSD, mentions of death and the inclusion of Lust Demons in the Hell Tower AU. Y'know, Lust. As in prostitution. As in SEX.

(I also wanna say that I want to be a bit more uncensored and show more violent and, heck, even suggestive stuff, but I also don't want any trouble involved, whether it's because of my audience or the app's regulations)

But let's get back on track: I still don't want to draw other's OCs, I got way too many requests like that, I felt very overwhelmed and lately I've been feeling more tired than before because of the hot weather and other personal problems that I don't want to share at the moment. I have my pace and limits, and I get to decide where to cross the line.

But I also fear that because of my already mentioned pace and limits, the first one being a little too slow honestly, people would start to become frustrated and lose interest at my works.

You guys can draw the characters from my AUs if you want to, I'd be more than grateful, I'll always make sure to repost and show my appreciation for my fans.

As for AU crossovers, if the others want to do it with my AUs it's fine, but as for me I'll do them when I want to, without being forced by someone else.

[queerprayers]

hello, i hope you are having a lovely day! thanks for having this blog! 💖 my exposure to faith has mostly been through mainstream doubt-unfriendly environments so it felt eye-opening to follow your blog and a few others that are quite welcoming to it!

do you possibly have any recommendations for nurturing faith when one has so many doubts, including the existence of God or belief in the events of the Bible? or possibly even reading recs?

i was raised agnostic in a Muslim-majority country and i have a diverse friend group with Muslims, Christians, Pagans and agnostic friends so whenever i wish to believe i find myself both doubting and also not knowing how anyone chooses any religion or denomination to follow, but i like to think everyone's faith/religion is valid and connects them to God. anyway that was a bit long, thanks for the blog and answering asks again! :)

Welcome, beloved! I'm so glad you're here and it brings me so much joy to know that people can be honest about their doubt here—it's an integral part of so many people's experience and to repress it or pretend it doesn't exist is misleading and painful.

I'm currently reading A History of God by Karen Armstrong (which I'll probably quote from a couple times) and thinking a lot about how conceptions of God have changed over time, and therefore how doubt has changed—we can only doubt when we have something to doubt! For some people, this book would probably increase their doubt (just a fact, not a bad thing), but for me, learning about how culturally-specific and constructed and interconnected religion deepens my faith in a God watching over it all.

One way that I see people talk about doubt (and I've definitely done it myself) is address it as if it were a stumbling block on the road to faith. That it's something we get over. That there's a linear path to certainty. Even when people praise doubt and call it holy, sometimes they imply that that's only because it strengthens the faith that always comes afterward. Doubting Thomas was the first person to name Jesus as God—we know this, this is all true and is very meaningful to so many. But I've learned to accept other ways that doubt exists, because not everyone has this experience. Doubt is a companion sometimes, not a temporary roadblock. Sometimes it's an inherent part of faith, and sometimes it doesn't lead to religious faith at all. In case you need to hear this: don't create some imaginary end of the road where you'll be certain! Maybe you will, but don't expect that of yourself. Your doubt is your questions and your desires, your creative thinking and your love for your friends, it's you caring about finding something meaningful. It's proof that this matters to you, and even if someday doubt is no longer a major part of your religious experience, don't lose it all. Doubt does not need to be cured—it needs to be listened to.

I'm thinking a lot about the existence of God while reading Armstrong's book—how she presents a constructed God, used as a tool for good and evil, and how beautiful and terrible ideas of God can be. While talking about medieval Islam, she tells us this:

. . . [T]he Arabic word for existence (wujud) derives from the root wajada: "he found." Literally, therefore, wujud means "that which is findable" . . . An Arabic-speaking philosopher who attempted to prove that God existed did not have to produce God as another object among many. He simply had to prove that he could be found. . . . [T]he word wajd was a technical term for [Sufi mystics'] ecstatic apprehension of God which gave them complete certainty (yaqin) that it was a reality, not just a fantasy. . . . Sufis thus found the essential truths of Islam for themselves by reliving its central experience."

What if God is more than existence? What if God is more than we could ever believe in—and so instead of believing in Them, we seek to find Them, see Them a little bit more clearly every day? There's such a Christian emphasis on believing the right thing, and I do think it matters what we believe. But there's more than that—there's how we believe, and what we do about it.

C.S. Lewis believed that the fact that we desire something this world can't satisfy is itself proof that we were made for and by something more. I can't talk you into believing in God, and I don't want to. But the desire for more is a space where God can reside, if you let Them. The desire to believe is a kind of belief. Wanting to believe in God is wanting God, and I'm not claiming proof of anything, but I am saying if you connect with that desire, God is already a part of your life, whether because They're there, or because you can't find Them. The lack of God is still a relation to God. Doubt in a god existing is still a relation to God. God exists in relation to you, in you. If we can only doubt when we have something to doubt, if we can only disbelieve when there's something to disbelieve in, that means we have something.

The Bible is more specific than God's existence, and for some this makes it harder to relate to. It is a more clear presence for many people, though—it's something we can hold, memorize, study. Every person of faith relates to their scriptures differently, and I can't tell you exactly how to do so, or which way is "right." But I will say it is not a thing to believe in—"it" is a living, breathing library of transcribed, collected, translated, loved (and hated) books. We could talk about taking the Bible literally vs. metaphorically, or whether it's "historically accurate," or whether God wrote it or told others to write it or had nothing to do with it. Ultimately where I am, the foundation I come back to, no matter how my beliefs change, is that I believe God wanted us to have it. I believe it matters. Once someone asked me whether a psalm was "theologically accurate" and while that's an interesting conversation, my first instinct when reading a poem written thousands of years ago by someone I've never met is not to theologically analyze it but to say, "Yes! I've felt that way too! I hear you! And God hears both of us!" I don't think you believe or disbelieve in myth or poetry or oral history or prophecy or personal letters—I think you listen to them. Before asking yourself whether these things happened, or if we can prove certain figures existed, or anything else super useful but very overwhelming, especially without a history degree, first ask yourself what they would mean if they mattered. What would change about how you move in the world if these books were close to your heart? If you listened across centuries to find people also believing and doubting and searching and finding?

While recommending the Bible (as well as the other books closest to his heart) in Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke tells his student, "A whole world will envelop you, the happiness, the abundance, the inconceivable vastness of a world. Live for a while in these books, learn from them what you feel is worth learning, but most of all love them. This love will be returned to you thousands upon thousands of times, whatever your life may become—it will, I am sure, go through the whole fabric of your becoming, as one of the most important threads among all the threads of your experiences, disappointments, and joys." Don't believe in a book—live in it, love it, let it weave you together.

Reading A History of God, I'm being reminded how much dialogue there has always been between religions, especially Judaism/Christianity/Islam, and how so much of the Bible is built on traditions outside of it. The writers of the Bible were also living in diverse communities, interacting with and reacting to other faiths, sometimes with hostility but also with synthesis—so much of all three of these religions is built on the local pagan traditions of where they evolved, and all three incorporated Greek philosophy in various ways. None of the major religions of the world are solitary faiths that sprang up out of nowhere—we have always lived with each other, and we've been alternately mad about it and inspired by it.

Having relationships with many kinds of people is beautiful and fulfilling, but it also inevitably brings up questions! I've found myself saying, "I love this person, I think they're intelligent and well-meaning, and they genuinely believe in something I do not. What does this mean for me? Am I doing something wrong?" Embracing others' faiths is, to me, a really important part of loving them, but it's also often a challenge to work through. It has ultimately been beneficial to my faith for me to work through this, but sometimes it just feels hard, and that's okay.

Although I never really questioned the existence of a god, there have been moments in my life where I had no particular conviction that Christianity was true or especially holy. I've been captivated by Jewish and Muslim traditions/beliefs/scriptures, and admired countless philosophies and practices. Christianity has hurt me and so many others—does that mean it's inherently wrong? But in every season of my life, I've said a Christian prayer every night. Everyone experiences religion differently, but for me? I am not a Christian because I think it's better than all other religions, or because I reasoned my way into it, but because it's where I'm from, where I live, where God meets me.

Your statement that everyone's faith is valid and connects them to God—it's a beautiful belief and it opens us to explore and love what we might not be able to otherwise. Reading A History of God—I do believe it's all God. If God cannot hold contradiction, why would I honor Them? How could I believe They encompass the (paradoxical, contradiction-filled) world if They can't exist fully in paradox and contradiction? This Sunday is the Feast of the Holy Trinity for me, and I love its mystery and its acknowledgement that God is always past our understanding, that God has more than one face, that God comes to us in more than one way, can never be pinned down. I and Christians throughout history encounter God as Trinity, but the day that I limit God is the day I have thrown away everything I've worked to build in myself.

The good news for you is if you believe all religions connect to God in some way, then you also believe that you will always be connected to God—no matter how your beliefs change, no matter where you call home, no matter what your practice looks like. We can't let ourselves believe one thing for others and another thing for ourselves—I did this all the time, believing I could never be forgiven but never dreaming of saying that about someone else. Give yourself the same grace and openness and hope you give your friends. You know they are valid, you know you love them—what can that help you learn about yourself? your own validity, your own ability to be loved?

I'll let you in on a secret (in case you didn't already know): the majority of people do not sit and look without bias at the major world religions and decide which one is "true" and convert to it. I'm sure people have done that, and maybe that's what you want to do (I won't stop you). I don't even know to what extent we can "choose" a religion—I think often one (or many) finds us—but for me and so many others, religion is a culture and a practice as much as, if not more than, a belief. And often it's wholly or mostly inherited—I don't know if I would be Christian if my parents and grandparents and ancestors weren't. I don't know exactly what you've inherited, but we all inherit beliefs (even if the belief is not believing in something), and yours are also built on tradition and ideas throughout the centuries.

This all means that doubt is part of any inherited culture and practice. It means that doubt and participating in a religion have always gone together. If religion is action and community and music, you don't have to believe anything in particular to live in it. My Jewish friends have shown me this most clearly—I know of many Jewish people who don't especially believe in the existence of a god, but eat kosher and observe holidays and say prayers. If you ask them why, they say it's because they're Jewish, because it makes them a more fulfilled person, because they're connecting with their ancestors. If religion is connection to God, as you've said (and I agree), then you don't have to have belief to connect with God.

I am absolutely not saying that we should never question the traditions passed down to us, or that conversion is not a valid choice, or that if you weren't raised religious you can't have religion. I just wish to point out that many people do not first believe in a system and then join a faith practice, but the other way around. They practice their way into faith. So often we cannot know what a belief means unless we first do it. Unless it first has meaning to us. From A History of God:

[Anselm of Canterbury, the 11th century theologian] insisted that God could only be known in faith. This is not as paradoxical as it might appear. In his famous prayer, Anselm reflected on the words of Isaiah: "Unless you have faith, you will not understand":

"I yearn to understand some measure of thy truth which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand in order to have faith but I have faith in order to understand (credo ut intellegam). For I believe even this: I shall understand unless I have faith."

The oft-quoted credo ut intellegam is not an intellectual abdication. Anselm was not claiming to embrace the creed blindly in the hope of its making sense some day. His assertion should really be translated: "I commit myself in order that I may understand." At this time, the word credo still did not have the intellectual bias of the word "belief" today but meant an attitude of trust and loyalty.

If you haven't already, ask to go to a religious service/event with a friend, read/listen/experience the faiths of others. When you encounter things you're not sure if you believe, ask yourself what it would mean for you if you encountered it as truth. If God exists, if God is [insert attribute here], if God commanded [insert commandment here], if this or that book is something God wants us to have—how would that change your life? My belief in a loving God transforms my world. My prayer practice orders my days and centers my emotions. I am living (or attempting to live) my beliefs, not just thinking them. What can you trust, what can you be loyal to, what can you live, even if you don't believe it right now? "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

You can live as if something were true, even if you have no proof, even if you're not sure about it. I live as if there is a loving God—I have no scientific proof of this, I have not always been sure of it. But I live as if there is one, and there is more love in the universe because of it. I have only experienced a loving God when I was living in relation to one. You can go to a church without reading its whole catechism, without knowing all the words, without being sure. My pastor once told me he likes the Nicene Creed more than the Apostles' because it says "We believe" instead of "I believe." A creed not as a personal certainty, but as a communal agreement. I don't always know what I believe, but this is what we believe. I can leave it behind, but I cannot pretend it does not exist. It is my inheritance.

My advice for nurturing faith? Be willing to be wrong. Any god I've heard described is outside of our powers of description. It's dangerously presumptuous to think we can be right about God. Once I let go of the pressure to be right, once I accepted that I could be wrong about everything—that's the only way I got to faith. And the worst thing I can think of is coming to a belief through fear (of hell, of being wrong, of uncertainty, of spiritual homelessness). Fear is sometimes present, but come to it because you want it, because it fills your days with life and love. I'm obviously not a scientist or a philosopher—I've never really searched for capital-T Truth, and maybe it sounds like giving up to say all this, to think that I can never be right. But I have only truly come to Christianity when I've accepted that, as Rachel Held Evans said, it's the story I'm willing to be wrong about.

While it's definitely from a Christian perspective (I'm not sure how relatable that will be to you), the book that's calling to me right now for you is Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others by Barbara Brown Taylor. It's incredibly honest and interested in the experience of exploring envy in a religious context. It completely changed how I approach finding meaning in others' beliefs, and gave me so much peace in my own. And if you do ever begin to follow a religion/denomination, you might need a reminder that you are not abandoning everything else. You may be choosing a home, but you are not locking yourself inside it. We don't look for a home to denounce everyone else's—we look for a place we can live. Taylor says:

I asked God for religious certainty, and God gave me relationships instead. I asked for solid ground, and God gave me human beings instead—strange, funny, compelling, complicated human beings—who keep puncturing my stereotypes, challenging my ideas, and upsetting my ideas about God, so that they are always under construction. I may yet find the answer to all my questions in a church, a book, a theology, or a practice of prayer, but I hope not. I hope God is going to keep coming to me in authentically human beings who shake my foundations, freeing me to go deeper into the mystery of why we are all here.

What are you willing to be wrong about? What do you want to hold close even when you doubt it? What do you want to do, even if you don't believe in it? What brings you closer to the life you know exists for you, the one that fulfills that desire for God? There might not be one religion that is all this for you. Whether or not you ever create/join a concrete belief system, whether or not you're ever sure about any of it, God is with you. Many people live fulfilling lives outside of institutionalized religion; not all who wander are lost; your existence in a diverse community will serve you so well on this journey, which doesn't have an end and always includes doubt, and from which we can always find a new path, and is all encompassed by a many-faced Universe of Love.

And, as I find myself doing so often, here's some more Rilke to his student, which we can receive whether or not we're young or a Sir:

You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

<3 Johanna

P.S.—As well as the things I've quoted from, I would also recommend Not All Who Wander Are (Spiritually) Lost: A Story of Church by Traci Rhoades and all of Rachel Held Evans' books.

P.P.S.—People quote this last Rilke passage a lot, but I'm not sure how many have read the full context? He's mostly giving advice regarding sex anxiety in that letter, which I think is great. It's relevant to most journeys in life, but in case you were wondering what journey it's originally about, there you go.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Personality through quote

Thanks @willtheweaver here, @elsie-writes here, @somethingclevermahogony here, and @dyrewrites here.

Rules: write a quote from your character(s) following a given prompt

Tagging @mk-writes-stuff @little-peril-stories @ohnomybreadsticks @oh-no-another-idea @sarahlizziewrites @sleepywriter00 @mysticstarlightduck @emilynotfound @elsie-writes + OPEN

Your prompt: "What's a song/type of music that you can listen to when you need comfort?"

Due to these building up, they're under the cut

Will's prompt: Go-to meal when they are sick

Lexi: "When I'm in Ceteri, it's a classic grilled cheese. Alium though has this weird purple soup that's made of...I actually don't know what it is, but it's super good and totally effective."

Maddie: "Pia makes really good soup. I think that usually helps when I'm sick."

Ash: "Mary makes some good Texas toast. I'll take that, maybe dip it in some soup."

Gwen: "Does tea count as a meal? Because that's what I have when I'm sick."

Robbie: "My mom makes good stew and very healthy meals when we're sick. She knows exactly what to do whenever we don't feel well."

Akash: "Literally everything Mrs. Stafford makes. Everything."

Jedi: "I really enjoy hinoniku, which is like bulgogi from your side of the portal, but the meat is from the firefox. I would eat that when sick because of what it reminds me of."

Carmen: "I guess Atsila's family made good meals with unibison and bearfalo meat. They made a good stew."

Elsie's prompt: A quote about love

Lexi: "I guess love is... I guess grounding? Is that what it's called? It makes me feel good. Like things are normal. If I'm having some anxiety attack, if someone is just...there, I can usually calm down.

Maddie: "Hm. I guess the small things people do can be love. Like Kelsey making me Wilfredo. Wasn't for my birthday or anything. Or Lexi watching sci-fi with me, playing Mario Kart even though she always loses."

Ash: "Whenever someone doesn't put so much pressure on you to do something specific. Be something specific. Love is that, I think. When they like you for you."

Gwen: "Love is something that transcends time and space. It will never stop - not for anything. I love spending time with my friends, but I'd love them no matter what. Akash and I are in a long distance relationship, but we see each other over the weekends. That doesn't matter to me. We still are together."

Robbie: "There are people I can't stop thinking about. That are on my mind all the time, y'know? It's like they physically are there, in my mind. If my mind was, like, a building, they'd have rooms to themselves, completely dedicated to who they are. That's kinda how I see it. Does that make sense? I'm probably not making sense."

Akash: "I feel like love is knowing you can always go to them. For refuge, y'know? Knowing they'll accept you and protect you. And you right back at them."

Jedi: "Love is sinking into warmth. It feels warming to be with someone. No matter how horrible you feel, being with them is comforting."

Carmen: (we'll pretend you actually got her to answer this question) "It's not being afraid to let them see you at your worst."

C's prompt: A quote about a reoccurring dream

Lexi: "I have dreams about all of my friends. Often, we're at Main Event, bowling. Getting pizza. Laser tag. A lot of stuff like that. Sometimes it gets weird, like a character appears, or someone I haven't seen in years. Sometimes Shelby is there. Usually I... I feel like I'm giving too much information, but I always get so angry when I see her. I've thrown a bowling ball at her a few times. Every time I've woken up, completely shaken. Sometimes I'll get a nightmare in the middle of a dream where everyone suddenly vanished. [Pause] I've spoken way too much about this."

Maddie: "My dreams are usually weird and nonsensical. I don't think any of them reoccur. A lot of them are combinations of things I'm watching. A lot of superheroes or Star Trek."

Ash: "Sometimes I have this dream where I'm like...not physically there. Like I'm an observer from above. It's unsettling. Nothing too bad, but it's just weird, I guess."

Gwen: "I've had a recurring dream topic where I meet my evil twin, though none have been the same. I was actually a twin. Not identical, but my sister died in the womb. I always was scared of those episodes where there's an evil clone or twin, so I have dreams where she lived and became evil. Not sure if this is a nightmare or not. Sounds silly saying it out loud actually (laughs)."

Robbie: "Okay, I have this dream where I'm running through the city. I don't actually know what city. It looks like Metropolis from Superman: The Animated Series. Y'know, the 90s one? But like, I know it's not Metropolis. I think it's New York, but I've never been, so that doesn't make sense. Anyways, I'm running through the city, and there are cars pulled off to the side of the road while people are screaming and running. There's this destruction going on behind me. I turn around, and coming through the buildings is this giant inflatable duck floaty. Like one little kids would take to the pool. I dunno, man. I don't even have a fear of them."

Akash: "Bro, most of my dreams take place in Walmart. WALMART. What does that even mean?? It doesn't make any sense! There's never the same thing happening. I'm just constantly in Walmart."

Jedi: "My insomnia causes vivid dreams whenever I get to sleep. It is not always terrible, but at the worst, I do have dreams where I am responsible for my mother's death. I know that is not the case, but it appears I may have some guilt left over from it."

Carmen: [pause, pause, pause] "I am not going to answer a question about what goes on in my subconscious. What kind of sick person do you have to be to ask that?!"

Amber's prompt: A quote about someone they miss

Lexi: "Everyone I left behind in elementary school. Daniella, Laurie, Ryan, Amber. It sounds silly, since I wasn't particularly close to them, but they were my friends. I still follow them on social media, but I haven't exactly met up with them in a while. I need to change that."

Maddie: "I dunno. Brycen pre-bully? I was friends with him for a time. I don't miss him but I miss the person he was."

Ash: "Sometimes I find myself missing Shelby or even Frank. They were awful, but... Shelby did make me feel like I found someone I could talk to. And Frank was a second dad for a little bit until he turned out to be a jerk. I dunno. It's complicated."

Gwen: "My cat. Poor thing was suffering and we had to put her down. I miss her so, so much. And even if we get another one, it won't be the same. It won't be her."

Robbie: "I miss Lalika, Akash's mom. She was such a good lady, like another mother or maybe an aunt. I knew her most of my life. How could I not miss her?"

Akash: "More than anyone, I miss my mom. I didn't get enough time with my dad to know him, but... Mom I did. And... I just wish I got more time with her, y'know?"

Jedi: "I miss seeing my sister Kirstie all the time. We were very close as children. And my mother.... Eomma did everything to keep me safe. I will never be able to repay that."

Carmen: "Of course I miss Atsila. I knew her for a while." [She's holding back more]

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

[writingonjorvik]

The After Stories

So I was musing to myself about how I thought narratively the Soul Riders were most likely to be set up as more cyclical characters for what I think the next major story arc is most likely to be, what I called the Witch Wars arc in this ask response, and I ended up doing more than the Soul Riders, so I figured I'd share those thoughts.

I'll start with the Soul Riders since I've put the most thought into their arcs, also they're the most important characters right now, so it makes the most sense. I really only think one of the Soul Riders should be in the next story arc as a major character, for a number of reasons, though I doubt that'll be the case. I'm also following the assumption that, based on what we've been told in plot about severing the connection between Pandoria and Jorvik meaning the Soul Riders will lose their powers, that after Garnok is defeated, the connection Aideen created with Pandoria is cut and they don't have magic, or they only have whatever magic is left.

Easiest first, Lisa. I think Lisa is going to return to her music career and take time to recover. Personally, I think the writers need a step back from Lisa. She went from being what I had always thought was the leader of the group in SSL (and in the books) to her country redesign and her being largely the party healer. And I think there is a really good story arc to have there. Not to lean into the trope that metal and rock are symbolic of rebellious phases, but I think there's a story you can tell about the eras of Lisa's music genres being reflections of her stages of grief, the more punk genres being her rage followed by her return to country music as acceptance, a connection with her mother, and a way to maintain that connection as she processes that grief. I think a lot of folks will conflate stadium & pop country with classic country music which does also hold a lot of punk values which sets her up for a return, but I also think a step back from Lisa post all of the crazy would give her time to recover and take that symbolism and make it material. So I think she should take a more minor role in the next story arc.

Second easiest, Linda should not be a major player in the Witch Wars arc. Firstly, Linda is arguably the Soul Rider we've spent the most time with. It makes sense why, she's an easy lore dump character, but that also is a reason why in it of itself. If Linda is always our source of worldbuilding, there isn't an opportunity for other characters to provide information that feels relevant, and also it takes that opportunity away from the player character to discover in their own exploration. But the biggest reason I think is that Linda has probably had the least amount of time to pursue her own personal goals. There is absolutely a story there to tell about how major achievement is a personal scale, you don't need to achieve the world in order to be successful, but I don't think that's a story SSO will tell and it also falls a little flatter when Linda is part of the team that did save the world from Garnok. But comparably, Linda has the least amount of achievement to her name. Like, imagine being able to see the future, not to mention be unquestionably intelligent, with very clear goals of going to university and pursuing your interests and expanding your skills as a writer, saving the world and then watching all of your friends' dreams of reality come true. Visions made material. Lisa's music career, Anne's success as a dressage rider, a model, going on to be a vet, Alex being set up to take over a culturally significant organization (which I'll come back to), and you. Seeing all of it, and never getting there. And then the visions start to go away. There was already the moral question of could Linda use her powers to cheat, not that she would, but I imagine the guilt of the idea probably prevented her from pursuing entry exams because, she could. See the future to see the exam answers to study perfectly. And the fear of it prevents her from applying. And now her powers are leaving, she has the chance to be honest about it again. To provide she was more than her role as the Moon Soul Rider. She deserves to take it and come back to the story a more fulfilled person.

Alex has a good opportunity to be semi-present. She has been set up to take Elizabeth's place and with the defeat of Garnok, there's finally enough breathing room to do so. Yes, I'm sure the druids will be thrown into more ordeals with the fallout of their magic, which leads into the Witch Wars and pursuing answers there, but someone has to take up the mantle now that the chaos of Garnok is passed. And we were told that was Alex. It's a huge responsibility shift for her too, one she's going to have to learn on the job. I'm sure she'll receive help but it's not like she can go to school for how to be the leader of a magical organization. And it's not like her predecessor is there to guide her. There's also the existing tradition that she's breaking by taking Elizabeth's place as the Lightning Soul Rider becoming the Keeper's leader, where the Sun Soul Rider would normally take that place. But these are unprecedented times, the druids are losing a major part of their magic, so maybe it's time for a change. I think that sets Alex up well to be both present in the story, as the leader of the druids supporting us, the PC, going to learn more about witch magic to help the druids, but also take a step back. She has to stay in Valedale now, be a present leader and coordinator. But of course, it's Alex, she's bound to show up for big confrontations.

Which leaves Anne as the last Soul Rider. And I think she remains present. She's the Soul Rider we got the least amount of time with, but she also has the least reason to settle down. She still has a lot of grief to process from her imprisonment. And, as I said in my last post, I don't think we will kill the Generals. They might die in losing Garnok as like, their life source, but I don't think we will kill them directly. I'll get more into them later, but at the very least, I think Darko survives and Sands dies. And that right there sets Anne up perfectly. In a post Garnok world, in a world without magic, and the man chiefly responsible for her imprisonment is still out there. If anyone is going to be desperate for her magic back, it's Anne. There is still an angry part of her that cannot rest, and so when magic starts to fade and the PC pursues answers with the witches, Anne is right there. Not to mention, if we do get a new quadrant of the map, portal magic would be great for teleporting in and then reconnecting physically after main story shenanigans through North Link. But particularly after we've seen Anne proving she's not only back, but she's among some of the most powerful Sun Soul Riders in history, losing that would be devastating. Anne pursues answers about magic, and is our primary ally moving forward from the original cast.

Also in all of this, the Guardians. We don't know if in losing their Soul Rider powers the Guardians survive (I think they will), but we don't know if the Soul Riders will be able to talk to them. Like does Aideen's Gift maintain itself. Of all the Soul Riders, Anne probably has the most experience of not being able to talk to her horse, and so I see her thriving in this condition of still being able to connect with Concorde in a way none of the other Soul Riders can because of her time working with Concorde as a foal. And I see that causing a rift with the Soul Riders too as suddenly Anne is the odd man out again, and now that their grief in losing that particular connection is broken, there is some true feelings coming out about how they expect Anne to help in a way she only ever got resistance or correction for feeling with Concorde.

Quick ones off the list next:

Fripp goes to sleep. I don't know if he dies, I think he probably like. Does whatever Aideen did and fades into the magic of the world. I think he comes back, but without the connection to Pandoria, he can't maintain his consciousness without more magic. It also gets him off the table for the same reasons I think Linda should back seat, he knows too much and that takes away from the player's ability to discover.

Avalon dedicates himself to supporting Alex in taking over the leadership role. He's more confident now and speaks up for her against the rest of the council and commits himself as her primary ally and mentor within the druids.

Evergray is going back to the North with us. Without a connection to Pandoria, he is still a magic researcher. Possibly even tasked with finding another connection back to Pandoria, which leads to whatever he was doing in the North. He also has the most connection with witches there.

Rhiannon is also going back to the North. She's a Warden, she knows more about magic outside of the Circles from her proximity to the witches, and the Wardens aren't, kinda aren't, are something other than druids. Not to mention, if the connection with Pandoria cuts off magic and possibly losing Aideen's Gift, Rhiannon is the most set up to help reestablish this connection. I think it will, it's Aideen's Gift to Jorvik, it was her own magic, but there's a plot there to connection with the Wardens.

Ydris leaves. I know he's the game's Internet sexy man, but we've honestly seen very little of him since Fripp's recovery and we know his goal is to save his home. If the connection is broken, Ydris goes home to Pandoria. He can return in a later arc, with I think what would be fitting, a redesign of his original model since time is soup there, but I see very little for him to do in a witch arc unless he can't make it back home, which does have potential in him being a begrudging ally as he's made like. Semi-human from being cut off from Pandoria.

Mrs. Holdsworth and Sive are obvious, it's called the Witch Wars arc, they would be joining as major characters. Great opportunity too to introduce Marzipan from concept work from forever ago here as our young witch companion.

I think Justin should get a baby arc just to give him a better ending. He should go train with the Wild Whispers before going to train with Herman.

Speaking of Herman, he comes back briefly because his brother, Coyote, is in northwest Jorvik, so that gives us a connection into the not magic stories and exploring the cities there. Also, that sets up CHILL to come in with GED and we can have that semi-mundane arc too.

On to bad guys!

GED first, there's no reason why these guys wouldn't be back or even thriving without DC competing with them. They're low stakes bad guys, they've been basically run out of southwest Jorvik, they're very likely to be back in a new region.

I already said it, Mr. Sands dies. Look, his wife is dead, the devil he made a pact with dies, and he was human. There is no reason that he survives unless we get the redemption arcs I've discussed before happen, which are not remotely set up in the story. The man is death flagged, I don't make the rules. Turns to dust, bye.

Darko survives. I think having Darko be less present now means he can be set up to do the whole take over the vacuum when Sands is gone. Maybe he sees the writing on the wall, this is a kids' game and Garnok is going to lose. So he stops trying to go for Sands and bides his time. And when that happens, guess who steps in. A magic inventor with the remnants of resources to continue to be a problem and no competition anymore to do so. The rest of DC is goons, now he gets to horde a black market of magic to himself. DC dissolves, all the assets relocated before charges could be pressed. No charges to press on a dissolved company, the leading members of the board dead in a freak accident of their own making, there's no one there to hold responsbile. And Darko wasn't a General, he was just their inventor, conveniently missing from records, assumed dead, ready to be a main antagonist in the next arc under a new evil corporation.

I don't think all the Dark Riders die. The least likely is Erissa. She has gone through so many iterations just to finally get released, Erissa survives. Escapes capture even. Blends in, disappears, starts whispering into powerful ears. She becomes a problem. She also looks like a kid, they're not going to kill her for a slew of age rating reasons.

Because that's the thing, the Dark Riders aren't human. They're different kinds of aliens, by our best guesses. From different worlds too. Katja's ice world and Sabine's dark star are not the same places. If anyone survives the break from the pact with Garnok, it's these four.

Jessica is iffy, she is arguably the least developed. Of any of the Dark Riders to team up with Darko, I see it being Jessica. She reads as having a need for control, and suddenly cut off from her magic, either from being more injured than the others or the loss of the portals powered by Pandoria's magic, I think a reluctant deal with Darko for some scraps of magic to survive, that's where Jessica lands.

Katja leaves. She does not care about people. Of anyone in the story to become a permanent cryptid, it's Katja. She just goes back to being the Ice Witch of Icendell, if not through that portal. She's here because of her pact with Garnok, I see no reason for her to stay. She isolates herself until she can recover enough power to be a menace again.

Sabine is difficult but I see her as the character the community most wants to have a redemption arc (for various reasons), as well as the story setting up the most for a redemption arc, but I don't know if SSO would go there. Sabine has a riding club, she's made connections, however trivial to her now, on Jorvik. And something else, she's discovered a new kind of power, one she could never possess on her Dark Star home. People, control over people, working together to achieve more power. There is no civilization to control back home, it's a world of beasts, hunters, predators, there is no civilization, nothing to control, just survival. There are here. And so while I see her probably still being fairly narcissistic about it, I also see a story where Sabine recognizes that she can only have that kind of authority if she protects this new home. Very Greed from FMA kind of character twist. So she is a partial ally then, but it opens the door for more opportunities of, maybe not altruism, but more potential for good.

I think that's everyone who's a primary NPC. But let me know who I missed. Or if you think otherwise.

[thefreakydeaky]

Loving is Easy

Part Seventeen: Touch

Negan Smith x Reader

Rick Grimes x Reader

Summary: Life becomes complicated as you try to maintain relationships with two older men, your boss and an old family friend.

Warnings: Angst, smut

"Yes. I've been following your advice to a T. It just isn't working." Rick told her, frustration in his tone.

There was a long pause.

"I need someone whose ready to fill the role of being my wife and all that that entails."

Your eyes widened.

"You said she would want this. You were wrong."

You let go of the breath you hadn't realized you were holding and backed away from the door.

Maggie's attitude and odd behavior was beginning to make sense. She had made some kind of agreement to marry you off to Rick. You couldn't understand why she would do such a thing. What could she possibly get out of it?

And Rick. His territorial behavior, his jealousy, his declaring that he loved you. Was it all for show? He had an end game in mind all along. The betrayal and underhandedness of the entire thing aside, if you had known he was looking for marriage you never would have gotten involved with him in the first place.

Your eyes began to fill with tears as you made your way back to your office. You didn't even know who to go to with your heart ache. You couldn't go to your friends, because Maggie was one of them. You couldn't go to your mom and Simon because their views were old school.Fuck. What could you do?

You texted Negan asking if you could meet him at the bar after work.

He replied with a, Sure thing, Doll.

You knew he was far from neutral, but you felt so alone. You needed someone who was on your side. You needed to feel supported and understood.

•••••••••••

"I'll kick his ass."

You shook your head.

"That won't solve anything. He and Maggie still went behind my back regardless. Nothing can change what they've done."

You asked for another gin and tonic.

"This is some fucked up shit. How long have you known this girl?"

You sighed.

"Ten years."

He shook his head.

"What did you say to him?"

You took a sip of your drink.

"Nothing yet. I was too upset. I would have caused a scene and for now, it's still my place of employment."

"I am so sorry. This is a really shit situation they put you in."

You shrugged.

"I should be used to shitty things happening to me by now. The whole thing with Harlan, losing my job. I probably only got hired at GHN because Maggie sold him on marrying me. I have got the worst luck."

"Come on now, Babydoll. It ain't all bad. You've got your health, your smarts, your looks. You've got people that love you.You can get another job."

You struggled to accept that he was right for a second. You also had a place to stay in case Rick fired you before you could quit, you realized. Some people weren't so fortunate.

"I guess you're right." You polished off your drink and asked for another.

"What about your friend? You're gonna have to face her eventually."

You frowned.

"I don't even know what to say to her. I'm so fucking mad. I just don't know."

A drink later, you were making out with Negan in the back room. His hands were under your shirt kneeding and groping your tender breasts. Your hands on his chest felt his coarse dark hair and lean muscled body.

"Let's go back to my place and get you out of that skirt." He panted into your ear.

You didn't hesitate to take him up on it. You barely allowed his front door to close behind you when you started shedding your clothes as fast as you could. You didn't want to miss a second of being skin to skin with him. You got onto the bed, He followed.

Negan's hand splayed over your throat. He squeezed gently, his lips pressed kisses along the side of your face. His other arm curled around your side, holding you against him, your back to his chest. You could feel his hard dick against your ass.

"How do you want me?" His nose nuzzled your ear.

You turned your head and kissed him deeply, your tongue running along his.

"I want you in every way I can have you."

He laughed and it was such a full and beautiful sound.

"Saying a thing like that is dangerous, Babydoll."

You smirked at him and moved forward onto your hands and knees.

You felt him move into position behind you. His hands glided along your sides stopping at your hips. With his right hand he reached down and ran his fingers over your lips. When he reached your vagina he dipped his first finger and middle finger into you and found you weren't quite ready for him yet. His fingers caressed your labia, flirting with your clitoris in very light touches. He leaned down and pressed gentle kisses to your lower back.

Then he dipped his fingers into you again he withdrew them slowly. His minstrations were teasing and arousing at the same time. As your wetness increased so did the speed with which his fingers fucked you. Before you knew it you were clenching around his digits. His breathing had picked up just from hearing the sounds you made, from feeling you get so wet.

He took himself in his hand and aligned the head of his dick with your vagina. The slight stretch as he pressed forward into you was delicious. You made a little humming sound of pleasure. He moved his hips back slowly and then in toward you again. It felt good, but it wasn't what you wanted. You looked back over your shoulder and called his name.

"Negan, harder, please." You requested.

The way he looked at you. His gaze laden with veneration and desire, made you yearn to kiss him.  He adjusted his balance and then his hips snapped into you.

You moaned deeply.

Negan held onto your hips as he thrust into you then pulled out, increasing the pace. Your body bounced as you quaked from the force of his movements. Your harsh breathing and his was in your ears. The squelching sounds your body made as he fucked you turned you on even more.

You moaned his name. You began clenching around him, holding it for a few seconds, then unclenching. You repeated the act as he continued to give it to you rough and fast. It was all that you wanted. He was all that you wanted. His hands at your hips gripped you tightly almost enough to hurt. Your walls were so lusciously stimulated by the feeling of his long hard cock moving in and out of you.

Your fingers curled into the bed clothes as he went even faster. You felt it, your nerves reaching the end, all you needed was one final... You reached down and pinched your clitoris.

You cried out. Like a tidal wave, taking you away from the shore of your consciousness your orgasm came crashing down on you. Your very skin sang with overwhelming pleasure. Your world for the moment was all sensation, all fiery passionate sensation. You felt Negan go tense behind you, his hips stuttering as he came inside you. You went down onto the mattress together a second later. You held each other as you caught your breath. The rest of the night was full of heated kisses and frantic love making.

In the early morning hours your phone rang. You looked at the screen. Rick was calling you. You sent it to voicemail.