#I'm very angry that you attempted to derail this

[amynchan]

You have so very dearly missed the point of this post.

If you wanna prostrate yourself and constantly kill yourself in this pursuit of a righteousness, have at it. Throw yourself at God's feet and say "I'm trying, I'm trying! Please see how I'm trying!" I did that for years. From 1995 to 2017, and even beyond, I did that.

And, you know what? It only made me suicidal! Yaaaaay!

Morally policing ourselves is tiring. It is taxing. It is a strain. You may never get this way, but the rest of us? We are tired of holding ourselves to a moral police for shit that won't even happen.

Thoughts lead to intentions, and intentions lead to actions. Violent thoughts don't always cause violent intentions, but violent people invariably started with violent thoughts.

Violent people obsess over their violent thoughts. For reasons moral or pure, violent people obsess over their violent thoughts, which everyone has. Having one or two violent thoughts does not make a person violent, and that is the point of this post.

Again, if you wanna constantly martyr yourself for this (metaphorically. Denying yourself peace with intrusive thoughts and obsessing over them because they aren't good enough for God), have at it. I'll remind you, though, that Jesus and God are both violent.

Jesus is a violent man who cursed a fig tree and let it rot. (violence against nature)

God is a violent being who sentenced nine-year-olds to death via mauling by bears because they made fun of a man's bald head.

Jesus is a violent man who thought about his impending violence for at least three hours while he braided the whip (no small task!) that he would use to ransack the tabernacle that had been turned into a market.

God is a violent being who turned a person into a pillar of salt for daring to turn back.

Abraham was a violent man in pursuit of God's will, taking his firstborn and preparing to burn him.

Gideon was a violent man who set out to destroy an army according to God's will.

God allowed incredible violence upon the Hebrews in Egypt, allowing millions to die just to glorify his own name when they were freed from a slavery he allowed in the first place. In that same story, he killed all the firstborns of Egypt just to make a point. He both allowed and perpetuated violence in his own name.

Reconcile this. The God of the bible is violent. If you're cool with that, then cool. You've gotten to the "babies get baby food and adults get adult food" portion of Jesus's lecture. And stop policing others who are less violent than he. You're not God. Don't take his job. If he wants to smite us, let him. That's his job that he gave to himself. It doesn't matter if it "hurts his heart" or "isn't what he'd rather do." He condemned himself to this violence. He chose it, just like he chose to create. That's his job. Yours is only to make your stance on him known and let everyone else choose for themselves. If they don't make your choice, then fine.

Let your bible dictate your own actions. Don't use it as a justification for people who are not of the faith. Let everyone else choose their own values and follow those.

If we're smitten, let it happen. It's God's will at that point, and he will choose violence then. But don't you dare try and talk down to us who want only a little bit of peace from our own minds while we're here.

Teaching children thinking bad thoughts about someone is the same thing as murdering that person is fucked up. 

Thought crime doesn’t exist. No one has ever been harmed or killed by someone thinking negative thoughts about them. 

You know what has harmed people though? Teaching them they are evil for things they can’t control. Especially those who have intrusive thoughts. 

Here’s for everyone who has been taught their thoughts make them evil.

Intrusive thoughts are not your secret desires. 

They are involuntary. 

You don’t need to be ashamed of them. 

They will pass.

You are not committing taboo. 

No one can read your mind.

No one will ever know what’s in your thoughts unless you feel like telling them.

No one can judge you for what you are thinking, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

Your thoughts are private

You are not a bad person.

[zuko-always-lies]

Azula's Strong Emotional Empathy Skills

Often times, people assume that Azula is bad at empathy, or at least emotional empathy. However, I would dispute that, and argue that her compassionate empathy skills in particular are actually extremely strong and off the chart, at least when it involves someone she cares about.

ATLA gives several examples of Azula showing off her empathy skills. The first comes in "The Crossroads of Destiny":

Azula: We've done it, Zuko. It's taken a hundred years, but the Fire Nation has conquered Ba Sing Se. Zuko: I betrayed Uncle. Azula: No, he betrayed you. [She stands up from the throne.] Zuko, when you return home, Father will welcome you as a war hero. Zuko: But I don't have the Avatar. What if Father doesn't restore my honor? Azula: He doesn't need to, Zuko. [She puts a hand on Zuko's shoulder.] Today, you restored your own honor.

She notices Zuko is uneasy, and does a pretty good, if not entirely successful job trying to reassure him and make him feel better.

Next we come to "The Awakening":

[Meanwhile, back at the Fire Nation Capital, Zuko feeds turtle ducks in a lake with some bread. Azula joins him.] Azula: You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already? Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately. Zuko: I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished. Azula: So what? Zuko: So, I didn't capture the Avatar. Azula: Who cares? The Avatar is dead … [Zuko looks away.] unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.

It's easy to miss out on this with where the scene ends up going, but what's actually the inciting reason for the scene to happen in the first place is that Azula knows Zuko is out of sorts, and wants to reassure him. She knows exactly where he is likely to go when he's sad or anxious, the turtleduck ponds which reminds him of Ursa, and easily finds him there. However, in her attempts to reassure him, she begins to suspect that he's hiding something from her, and the scene gets derailed.

Next up is "The Beach":

Zuko: [Cut to closer view of Zuko and Mai. Angrily.] Doing nothing is a waste of time. [Rises from his seat next to Mai.] We're being sent away on a forced vacation. [Walks over and grips the railing of the boat.] I feel like a child. Azula: [Frontal view.] Lighten up. So Dad wants to meet with his advisors alone, without anyone else around. Don't take it personally.

Azula instantly tries to reassure Zuko here, although she's less skillful about it than in some other cases.

Next up is the famous "Azula apologizes to Ty Lee" scene. As I've argued elsewhere, Azula is very skillful in comforting Ty Lee there. She knows exactly what she needs to say and do to make Ty Lee feel better.

Then, after Zuko gets kicked out of the party, we get this scene

Azula: I thought I'd find you here. Zuko: [Side-view.] Those summers we spent here seem so long ago. So much has changed. Azula: Come down to the beach with me. Come on. This place is depressing.

Azula's empathy is really impressive here. She apparently not only realized that Zuko would end up in a bad funk and cared enough to do something about it, but she also knew exactly where he would go in his depressed emotional state.

We then have the famous "fireside" scene. Azula isn't always the nicest person here, but her ability to understand the emotions of others is on full display:

Zuko: [Turning around.] For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now, my dad talks to me. Ha! He even thinks I'm a hero. [Close-up of Azula, who smiles.] Everything should be perfect, right? [Aerial view of campsite.] I should be happy now, but I'm not. [Turning back to the others.] I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why!

Azula:[Frontal view.] There's a simple question you need to answer, then. Who are you angry at? Zuko: [Close-up.] No one. I'm just angry. Mai [Side-view of the three girls.] Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko? Zuko: [Close-up.] Everyone. I don't know. [Becoming frustrated.] Azula: [Frontal view.] Is it Dad? Zuko: [Close-up.] No, no. Ty Lee: [Frontal view.] Your uncle? Azula: Me? Zuko: [Close-up.] No, no, n-no, no! Mai: [Close-up.] Then who? Who are you angry at? Azula: [Camera pans left, past Ty Lee, to Azula.] Answer the question, Zuko. Ty Lee: [Close-up.] Talk to us. Mai: [Extreme close-up.] Come on, answer the question. Azula: Come on, answer it.

Finally, we have this scene from Nightmares and Daydreams:

Azula: Hello, Zuzu. If you've come for a royal hair-combing, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. Zuko: So I guess there's a big war meeting coming up, huh? And apparently I'm not welcome there. Azula: What do you mean? Of course you're welcome there! Zuko: Oh, yeah?! I guess that's why no one bothered to tell me about it! Azula: Oh, Zuko. Don't be so dramatic. I'm certain Dad wants you there. You probably just weren't invited because it's so obvious you're supposed to be there. Zuko: Well, were you invited? Azula: Of course! I'm the princess. Zuko: And I'm the prince! Azula: Exactly, so stop acting like a paranoid child! Just go to the meeting. Zuko: Forget it! I'm not going!

Although Azula instantly moves to try to comfort Zuko, this is in many ways her least successful scene. She struggles to contain her frustration with Zuko's behavior.

Still, overall Azula displays an impressive record, and shows very strong compassionate empathy skills. However, it's only toward the people she's close to, as she has no reason to display them toward enemies.

[starsfic]

Experiment 1186, or Bigger Bodies Bobby BearHug, notoriously had complications of sensory and mobility after the creation procedure. But when hearing and verbal issues continued to persist after initial attempts at correctional surgery, Bigger Bodies Bubba Bubbaphant took initiative through unprompted research into nonverbal forms of communication, discovering a process known as American Sign Language, or ASL for short.

Anon: Poppy and her Angel come across another VHS tape as they make their way through the factory. The contents therein depict a high-level company scientist in a heated debate with a lower level employee over company ethics. This is nothing new to the Angel, as they were that lower level employee, and they remember that argument clear as day. The thing that caught them completely off-guard was what happened after their past self on tape had left and was well out of earshot. If their former superior and another colleague's following exchange were to be taken seriously, they very well could've become involuntarily marked as the next Bigger Bodies experiment subject had the Hour of Joy not derailed everything.

"What are you doing? Why are those things out of their cells?"

Normally, the sudden voice of the Doctor would have every scientist jumping. Dr. Harley Sawyer had shown a willingness to "volunteer" those who displeased him for the next round of experimentation. The scientists knew what these involved.

Many were sick for days afterward.

But, right now, all of them were more focused on the three in the center of the room. If the scientist sitting next to the Bigger Bodies had heard the Doctor, they didn't visibly react. Instead, they slowly worked through signing something before patting their chest.

Experiment 1183, also known as Bubba Bubbaphant, nodded and glanced at Experiment 1186, Bobby Bearhug, who had been staring at the scientist. Slowly, she raised her hands and followed the sign that the scientist laid out, finishing it by pointing at the scientist.

"Yeah, that's me," the scientist said as they signed the words. "You did really good!"

"Thank you," Bubba said, following their cue and signing the words. It was a little harder, considering he didn't have fingers, but the attempt was made. "Is there anything else you can teach us?"

Dr. Sawyer cleared his throat and the scientist jolted, finally noticing him. "Not right now," they signed. "Maybe you can go and show the others? I'm really proud of what you both have learned so far."

Bubba nodded, his expression drawing into a blank one. As he got up and helped Bobby get to her feet, the scientist turned to their boss.

"What is this?" Dr. Sawyer repeated. Instead of the normal anger, however, he looked curious.

"Bubba heard about Bobby's struggles with her voice and hearing," the scientist said. Their hands were still. "He took it upon himself to find an alternative method of communication for her. I was impressed and decided to try and help."

"Without permission. Both of you." The look in his eyes was strange, caught between glee at his experiments doing something new and the fury at being left out of the loop.

"Yes," the scientist admitted. "Without permission. The methods we were using to communicate with 1186 were clearly not working and violating several parts of the ethics clause in the work contract-" Anger overtook the glee.

"That is not your role to decide, Angel." Dr. Sawyer snarled, looming over them. The rest of the scientists turned away, leaving their coworker to the Doctor's mercies. "You have introduced unusual variables to this project and the damage you have caused is unknown."

"Damage?" Angel sputtered after a moment of gaping at him. "Bubba and I want to help her! Hell, there are tons of kids in Playcare that have issues with communication and the staff are just lumps on a log-"

Dr. Sawyer raised a hand. "You are clearly angry and unable to communicate-" he said. Sadistic glee joined the anger at the expression on Angel's face. "I am cutting these sessions short. If alternative communication is viewed as needed, we will review-"

"You can't-"

"Leave. I'm giving you the rest of the day off to cool down."

Angel looked around, but nobody met their eyes. Finally, they groaned before turning and marching out of the lab.

Dr. Sawyer lingered, watching where Angel had just left. "Schedule the next procedure for August, when the marketing campaign will start," he said. "If Nurse Angel demands to follow their name," He finally turned to his desk and unfurled blueprints. "Then they'll be an angel-"

The TV went dark.

Angel, ten years older now, stared at the TV. It hadn't been a surprise to find one down here in the labs, their old workplace, but they didn't expect to find this tape. "Fuck," they finally managed.

"You remember that?" Poppy asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do, I was so fucking mad-" But they hadn't expected Dr. Sawyer to plan on experimenting on them.

Fuck.

[alteon77]

The Bizarre Breeding Habits of Anthropomorphic Personifications: Chapter 7

It's a tale as old as time.

Two idiots fall in love. Two idiots fall out of love.

Neither one of them is expecting a baby to come along and derail their unhappily ever after.

Chapter One here, AO3 here, Masterlist here

Chapter Summary: Morpheus pretends to be human in the doctor's office. He's... um, surprisingly not great at it.

By the time Morpheus finally locates her, he's nearly incandescent with rage.  

It is fair, he thinks, to be so angry, so wholly upset with her for this act of foolishness and for the panic that she's caused both him and her brother. It had been only forty minutes prior that Viego had summoned him, that the maker had called Morpheus to him and then belligerently accused him of stealing May to hide her away in the Dreaming. And while Morpheus had been furious at Viego for this, he'd been more fearful than anything else. The idea of May going outside of the very wards keeping her safe, the idea of her leaving that protection with no magic or defensive capabilities to speak of, had brought forth an overwhelming swell of terror that rose sickeningly up within him in a matter of mere seconds. 

The relief he'd felt at finding her had given him only a moment of solace, a brief flicker of the sensation before the mess of emotional turmoil roiling in his mind had swiftly transformed into indignation. How. Dare. She. How dare she engage in such a foolish stunt. How dare she endanger herself and their child by way of such astounding recklessness. Makers are hunted regularly and mercilessly by witches and gods and all manner of supernatural creatures, and any who had happened upon her in her current weakened state would have surely made short work of capturing her. 

In the underground area where he'd finally located her, Morpheus stalks to her vehicle as she gets out of it, her face wan and weary in fatigue, all of her as worn out as she herself has been these days past.  

"No… I was driving. I don't answer when I'm driving. You know that….. No…. I just had some stuff to take care of…. I'm keeping a low profile. No…. Stop it. I wasn't followed…. Yes…. " she says into the phone held against her ear. "You did what? Why… Why would you do that?" She pauses, and he notices that there's a bottle of water in her hand that she takes a seemingly reluctant drink of, grimacing in disgust at the taste. "No, Viego. I don't know how to get a hold of him right this moment. He doesn't exactly carry a phone or-" 

"There is no need to seek me out," he cuts in roughly. "I am here." 

His sudden appearance startles her, and she recoils a little at the sight of him, the hand holding her water coming up to rest over her heart as if to soothe the too-rapid beat of that organ. 

"Viego," she relays over the phone, her voice shaking slightly. "I'm going to have to call you back. Morpheus is… Yeah…. Don't worry about summoning him again. No, I'm looking at him right now." 

He glowers her way, his hands clenched tight at his side as he works to calm himself. "You might inform him that I will be personally bringing you home this-" 

"We'll be back in a bit. No…. I've got errands to run. Don't worry about it. Bye." She presses a button on her device and slides it into the small bag hanging from her shoulder, clearly careful in her attempt at ignoring him as he fumes before her. 

"Not in a bit, as you say. We will be leaving immediately for-" 

"Can't. Won't. Not gonna happen." 

He seethes, his anger ratcheting up at her apparent nonchalance over the gravity of her folly. "Are you aware of the danger inherent in being outside of the warding protecting you?" 

"Look, I left Viego a voicemail letting him know about all this. I'm sorry if he roped you into something that you shouldn't have even had to stress about." 

"You cannot be oblivious enough to think that is why I am infuriated," he growls. "Both Viego and myself have been scouring this city for the better part of an hour, terrified you had been taken by some enemy that meant you harm. And your response to worrying us so dramatically is that you had errands you need attend? There is no excuse for removing yourself from the warding, especially in light of the fact that it is the only thing keeping you safe in your condition." 

With great effort, he attempts to settle his raging temper, aware as he is that it would do this world no favors were he to lose control of his powers while in it. 

"Worrying you so dramatically? I mean, dramatically is definitely a word I'd use with how you're acting," May snarks before taking another sip of her water.  

"And what precisely is the meaning of that?" 

"Just that this is ridiculous. I'm a grown woman. I'll go where I want and do what I want, and you are both welcome to take that suffocating overprotectiveness that you're holding over my face like a pillow and shove it up your-" 

"Do not," he snaps. "Now, gather your things. I am returning you to your brother." 

"I am not a package that you can just hand off back and forth. And I am absolutely not going anywhere with you until I'm done. I have something I have to take care of in about-" She checks her watch. "Thirty minutes. There's a diner near here if you want to get coffee while you wait for me to finish, but I am not leaving." 

He clenches his jaw hard enough that he would break teeth were he human. "What aim could be so important that you would foolishly risk being captured to accomplish it?" 

"It's none of your-" 

"If you finish that sentence with the word business, I will grab hold of you this moment and shift you. I've no patience for your recalcitrance this day." 

May scoffs derisively. "You not having patience? Wooow. Color me shocked." 

"Tell me what you deemed so necessary that it justified this… imprudence," he hisses, ignoring her sarcastic remark as to his composure.

Oh, no no no no no. Don't throw up. Do not throw up. You've got to keep your water down for just another hour. You can do it, but not… not if you're going to keep fighting. So fuckin' de-escalate this mess and stop being stubborn. It's for the baby. You can absolutely swallow your pride for the baby's sake, damn it.  

He frowns at her, thoroughly confused at these words of hers flitting across his awareness. She is not speaking them aloud, and yet he hears them clearly in his mind, a rather puzzling occurrence given that he's never really been able to read her thoughts, never been able to peek past her mental shields and figure out what's going on in her head. He wonders if the dwindling disappearance of her magic is the cause of this, the usual walls around her mind possibly fading as her powers are and allowing him the capability to read her as easily as she might peruse a book. 

The color drains from her complexion as what he assumes is nausea overcomes her, and she draws in a few deep breaths, seemingly steadying herself before she gestures vaguely towards a concrete wall of this strange, cavernous area they're both in, the one that smells of fossil fuels and is full of nothing but stationary vehicles. He thinks it's known as a parking garage, but he's never truly been in one before, so he is unsure as to whether or not that is precisely what this darkened, poorly lit monstrosity is. "I'm… going there. Okay? I'm… I'm visiting a doctor." 

His eyes narrow as he glances first where she has indicated and then back at her. "That is naught but a wall." 

She rolls her eyes at him as if what he's said is absurdly exasperating to her. "There's a building on the other side of the street from here with a doctor in it. I'm going there." 

"You have found a suitable healer?" 

She fidgets in front of him, playing with the label on the bottle still in her hand. "No. I'm… I'm going to a regular human doctor." 

He's taken aback by this, wholly surprised as he moves closer to her. "A human doctor?"

Her fidgeting increases, the movements getting more pronounced. "Yeah… because I'm… well, pregnant. And Tammy was right." 

"Tammy? Who is Tammy? And what use will a mortal physician be in your case? Need I remind you that you are no human."

She rolls her eyes again and scoffs as if he's the one who's said something nonsensical. "Whaaaat? Are you sure? Well damn, I guess that totally explains the being alive for thousands of years and not aging thing. I just thought it was my kick ass moisturizer keeping me all young looking." 

"May-" 

Her arms cross over her chest, and it makes her appear… smaller somehow, fragile. "A human doctor is kind of all there is," she admits with a heavy sigh, a thread of defeat woven into her confession.  

His mouth turns down at her words, his brows knitting together as he considers this, grasping for some sort of understanding. "I fail to see-" 

"I'm sure you do, but… please don't argue with me on this. Whatever opinions you might have about me getting checked out by this guy today, the fact remains that he's got a hell of a lot more answers than I do right now, and I… I need answers." 

She looks away when she says this, avoiding his gaze as a barely there blush lights up what he can see of her face in its sideways profile. An unexpected shame curls in his stomach as he considers the situation before him. She's worried, obviously so, and yet she feels compelled to plead with him on this matter, to ask that he leave her be as she attempts to seek help for herself. The fact that part of this is his doing, that her current suffering is a direct result of the child he'd put inside of her, makes him feel… lowly, as if he should hate himself for adding to the burden of what she carries now when he knows he should be doing what he can to lighten it.  

"Very well. If it will… assist you, then I've nothing to say except that I… should like to accompany you."  

Shock takes over her expression as she at last turns back to him. "Wait. What?" 

"I said that I should like to accompany you. If you will permit me, of course." 

Her eyes narrow at him, scrutinizing his face as if searching for any sign that he is lying. "Are you… sure?" 

No, he is assuredly not certain of this course, but telling her so would do neither of them any favors. "I would scarcely have offered were I not." 

"But… why?" She seems perplexed that he should wish to be with her while doing this, uncomprehending of the possibility that he might desire to help her. 

"I dislike the idea of you being unattended while you are so…" Weakened, he wants to say, powerless and fragile and ill. He does not speak those things, however, since he feels that to call her any of them might reignite the ever-present tension inherent in their new dynamic. "Indisposed." 

She blows out a breath that's half laugh, half frustration. "I'm not a Victorian debutante. It's perfectly fine for me to be alone." 

Alone. That word. It coils in his belly like a poisonous snake, sinking its venomous fangs into the vulnerable flesh of his insides. She had offered to raise their child alone. By herself. Without him even having knowledge of its existence. Not for the first time, he wishes he could reach back through the millennia and pluck that infernal grimoire from the very fabric of the universe, undoing all of its horrid history so that May would never have thought to lie to him about it. A child would have been a happy occurrence for them if not for the dark, thunderous cloud of her betrayal hanging over their tattered relationship.

Still, there is no place for his anger, for his sorrow in the reality of his… of May seeking medical attention for herself. "Nonetheless, I would prefer to escort you." 

May studies him warily, clearly unsure of this seeming capitulation from him. "You… can tag along if you want. I mean… she's your kid too, so if you want to be there, I won't stop you." 

"She?" 

Her apprehension melts away in an instant, a loving smile blossoming on her face as one of her hands settles atop where their child grows, and the sight of this makes his heartbeat speed up, makes that manifested organ thud rapidly in his chest. Throughout his many eons of existence, she is the only one who has ever been able to affect it so, the only one who's ever caused such… mortal reactions within the boundaries of this flesh form of his.  

"Yeah," she answers quietly, a joy in her tone that reminds him of the softest parts of the universe. The silken smoothness of her skin beneath his fingertips. The hazy twinkle of a galaxy above him. The muted shine of a sun in the wake of spring storms. The feel of a new babe in his arms, tender and trusting. "She. I've… got a feeling it's a girl." 

A daughter. A little girl with May's lovely eyes and her beautiful smile. The dream of it is enchanting, captivating enough that he has to forcibly pull himself from its hold, but the want it causes within him lingers on the edges of his thoughts. If things weren't so strained between them, then he would tell her how greatly he wishes for such a thing, how now that the vision of it is in his mind, he can scarcely see their infant as anything except a daughter. But… he cannot give voice to these sentiments, not with his feelings so uncharacteristically flayed and raw, and that is assuredly what they are at this moment. "You cannot know the child's… gender at this stage." 

May sighs and brushes past him, walking towards a door on their right marked Stairwell B. It is instinct for him to match his pace to hers, to keep by her side as she wearily begins the arduous trip up and out of the garage. She's been faint for weeks, and he's very aware that her collapses seem to have no set pattern, no real warning before they occur. It puts him on alert for the risk of another, especially given the fearsome nature of these stairs were she to fall unconscious and tumble down them. And so he means to stay close out of caution, ready to catch her should the need arise. 

"Probably not," she tells him somewhat breathlessly, and he fights the urge to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way. He knows better, though. Whatever tentative peace they're trying to create between themselves would be utterly demolished if he were to engage in such an act. "But… it's just a feeling. I can't really explain it." 

As they emerge from the garage, the sun is blindingly bright, and he glances at May where she's wincing from the shine of it. There's a nervousness radiating from her, an anxiety so great that it almost seems like he's experiencing it as his own.  

"Will you be disappointed if it is not a girl?" he questions in an effort to take her mind off her disquiet.  

At the crosswalk where they're waiting for the light to change, she looks towards him, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I just… want her to be healthy. Everything else is kinda… secondary to that." 

He mulls over this while they continue walking. Is she fearful that the child might not be well? Does she think that her sickness is affecting it in some way? He would ask, but he knows that she will not grant him the truth of the matter, not now. In their new relationship, she seems unwilling to show any sort of vulnerability before him, unwilling to do anything that might be indicative of a need where he's concerned. 

It makes him think of those decades before their union had ended, of those years when they'd depended on one another, when she'd never hesitated to show him the most fragile parts of herself, when he'd never hesitated to reveal his own shortcomings. Together, they had each closed the gaps in the other, had strengthened their varying frailties and softened their harsh angles by dint of their love and respect and hope. But now… that is no longer the case. Now, things are shattered between them, the pieces of what they once shared set aflame by her betrayal and allowed to burn until only ashes remain of their once-great love. 

On arriving at the building she had pointed at earlier, he steps forward to pull open the door for her, and she pauses, seemingly stunned by this meager consideration from him. Something vicious inside of him twists, and that sorrow he'd sworn to ignore earlier comes rearing back with a vengeance.  

Calm down, you actual idiot, she thinks, and it's louder in his mind this time than it was the last. He doesn't mean anything by it, doesn't care about you or what you're going through. It's just a habit for him. Stop reminiscing on how he used to do this. Stop thinking about how things used to be. Just smile and walk in before he notices you freaking out, for fuck's sake.  

And then she does. A threadbare smile tugs her lips up before she steps inside the cool air of the medical facility, a chill taking over her that almost has him stripping off his jacket to drape about her shoulders. Given her mental diatribe regarding his merely opening the door for her, however, he doesn't think that covering her with his coat would be well received. 

Across the rather large room they find themselves in, there's a counter set at the opposite corner, its front marked with a sign that reads Check In. The receptionist sitting behind it is an older woman who raises an eyebrow at May and Morpheus when they approach.  

"Can I help you?" she questions in a way that makes him think she'd rather not actually help them at all.  

May gives a gracious smile. "Yes. I'm Doctor Martin's eleven o'clock." 

The woman, whom Morpheus is growing to dislike more and more with every second they stand there, gives May an unimpressed once-over before turning her attention to a computer in front of her. "Michaela Westin?" 

Morpheus glances down at May. It's a new name for her, one of a dozen he's heard her take over the century he's truly known her for, but it surprises him still. That she has assumed another false identity is not strange, a necessary evil she'd once called it, but that she should choose to do so even with those she might trust with her health is jarring. Was it simply Viego's paranoia that drove her to do such a thing? Or something else? Something more to do with their quick escape from their previous home? Matthew had told him that their journey to the new location had been an unpleasant one, that May had been sickly for the entirety of it and that Viego had apologized for being unable to stop and allow her rest. Granted, the older maker has always been meticulous when it came to his sister's safety, even during those many years that she had resided in the Dreaming, but... today had been different. Viego had been off. Not for the first time, Morpheus wonders if there is some specific danger that he is not being told of, if May and her brother are purposely keeping yet another secret from him.  

After all, it is not as if she's never done it before. 

"I found you. You're here for an appointment and an eight week scan. Is that right?" 

"Yeah. I drank all the water I needed to, and I'm… good to go." 

"It says here that you're… self pay. We'll need to verify your payment information."  

"Of course." May rummages around in her purse, bringing her wallet out and sliding a black card emblazoned with the words American Express towards the receptionist, who picks it up and eyes it doubtfully. 

"This is yours? No offense, hun, but I'm going to need your ID." 

May's all politeness, all sweetness despite the woman's obvious rudeness. "No problem," she says as she hands another card over, this one with her picture on the front of it.  

And the woman, whom he can glean is named Karen Talbot, seems just as unimpressed by this as she had by May's appearance. Morpheus feels anger swell up inside of him for this foul creature's disrespect. He very rarely cares for what mortals think of him, but he can see from Karen's thoughts that her opinion of May is a low thing, one full of prejudice and assumption. Unwed and with child, a morally unacceptable state by her small-minded reckoning. Never mind that May is kind and loving and his… Well, his nothing now, he supposes. She does not belong to him any longer, can be called nothing else in regards to him save for being referred to as the mother of his child.  

He'd like to pretend he doesn't understand why that realization drives a spike of pain through his heart, but he cannot. It would be too large of a lie for him to swallow.  

The receptionist casts a discourteous, dubious look at him. "And are you a… party to this?" She gestures towards May. "Maybe an… acquaintance of hers?" 

May seeks to intercede, clearly trying to save him from having to interact with this loathsome female. "Oh, no. He's-" 

"Her husband," Morpheus supplies before he can stop himself. He's not given to lying usually, not one to truly waste his time with falsehoods, and yet in these circumstances he almost feels it necessary.  

"She indicated she was single on the intake forms," Karen argues, and in that instant he begins crafting his most terrifying punishment for her, begins envisioning what horror he will visit on her when he dooms her to an eternity of never ending sleep with his most savage Nightmares.  

"An oversight clearly excused by her condition, I assure you," he practically growls in response. It is a petty thing, perhaps, to allow some of his power into the words, to touch this woman's mind with a hint of the nightmarish hell he's capable of inflicting upon her, but he relishes it all the same. The receptionist pales, and he takes a sort of perverse pleasure in that as well.  

"Sorry for that. I'm his wife. Pregnancy brain is absolutely real and absolutely horrible," May interjects, her voice an octave higher than usual in something that Morpheus would call panic. "Should we just wait over here then? That would… probably be best."  

The receptionist is staring at Morpheus with wide, terrified eyes as she shakily holds out a clipboard with a stack of papers atop it. "I… um… I need him to fill out the… the forms." 

"Right. The forms," May answers, far too quickly as she snatches a pen from the cup of them on the desk. "We'll get those taken care of and back to you in a jiffy." 

And then she's grabbing hold of Morpheus' sleeve and tugging him impatiently to a set of chairs at the farthest end of the room.  

"Don't do that," she hisses when they've sat down. "The poor woman looked like she was going to have a heart attack." 

"Poor woman? She should consider herself fortunate that you intervened, else she would have been thrust into the most abhorrent, cruel fate I was capable of rendering unto a mortal. Do you know what she was thinking of you? Do you have any idea how grievously she was judging you?" he hisses right back. 

"Even without my magic, I was picking up on it. Okay? But you don't need to worry about that. I'm a big girl. I can handle someone not approving of my life choices."  

He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care, her thoughts ring out in his mind. He's just got a vested interest in the baby, and you're housing the baby, so get a hold of yourself.  

"I could not stand idly by while she spoke to you so disrespectfully." 

The sound she makes is one of immense irritation. "Well, you defended my honor and now there's a stack of paperwork for me to fill out, so thanks for that." 

He doesn't know what she expects him to say to that, as he's certainly not going to apologize. But… then he remembers that he had been trying to lighten the load of her stress, and a sense of misgiving washes over him. 

"You need not manage this on my behalf." He reaches out decisively to pluck the clipboard from her lap. "I am more than capable of this task."

"Hey!" she whisper-protests. "Don't… Just let me do it. It's-" 

"I will see to this. It is not up for discussion." 

May purses her lips and then puts her hands up, palm out, in a gesture of surrender. "Okay. Fine. Have it your way." 

Christ on a potato, he's really rocking that surly, toddler temper tantrum energy now, she thinks.  

Morpheus gives her a side-eyed glare for that comment, despite that she had not actually spoken it aloud, before he starts on the forms. It only takes him a few minutes to realize that he might… be on unsteady footing regarding this specific undertaking. Of course, he refuses to accept her assistance or admit anything resembling defeat, so he forges ahead with what he'd set out to do.  

She tries several more times to help him in poring over the frankly obscene number of redundant questions he's required to answer, but he only waves her attempts away. And for a time she seems to settle, though he knows that she is merely taking a different approach as he can feel her eyes on him still, watching while he ticks away at the multitude of boxes. She says nothing, staying silent until he comes to the form titled Medical History.  

May chokes out a muted laugh and reaches over to tap the page where he'd just written I am no more tense than usual, certainly not enough to warrant use of the word hyper beside one of the boxes.  

"Yeah. Cross that out," May instructs him blithely. "Hypertension is a condition where mortals have high blood pressure, which… you don't even have blood if you don't want to." 

As he strikes an angry line through the sentence, he cannot help his scowl. "This is irritatingly tedious."

She shrugs as if his ire is of no real concern to her. "I offered to do it for you." 

"This entire outing is an exercise in futility, wholly pointless considering that this mortal doctor will likely be unable to assist you in any meaningful way." 

Her face falls, a sudden melancholy coming over her that brings him up short. "Just��� don't start that." 

Her thoughts this time are very loud, and he ponders over the curious phenomenon anew. Typically, he has to actively seek the mental workings of another out. He's not used to having such things projected into his awareness, and hers seem to be growing in intensity and volume with every occurrence. I'm such an idiot. Of fucking course he couldn't just stow his crap and let me get help. Never mind that I think I'm actually dying or something. Even that isn't important enough to get him to cool it.   

Dying? Is she truly fearful that her… her illness is so dire? 

His shoulders drop from where they'd been unconsciously tensed, and he blinks several times as he scrutinizes her more closely. She's a gaunt thing, he realizes then, from the dark smudges under her eyes to the unnatural pallor of her skin. Her lips are dry and cracked in places, one particular spot on the lower one especially red as if she is so dehydrated that the skin there is breaking apart and bleeding. 

In that moment, he feels vile, loathsome, like nothing less than the most revolting sort of pond scum, like his treatment of her in this instance is even more contemptible than the receptionist's had been. Despite their past and his upset over it, May is currently grappling with something he cannot understand, rendered weak and weary from the weight of his seed growing inside of her. She is uncharacteristically afraid, he can see now, drained of her magic and suffering from what he'd unintentionally done to her by getting her with child in the first place.  

And all he has offered her in return for this burden she's carrying is his petulant sullenness, his mean-spirited pessimism. 

"I… apologize," he murmurs before he can even stop to consider what he's saying, "if I've given you cause to feel you must argue with me on this matter. It… was not my intention." 

Her expression gentles, and her eyes well with tears that she hastily wipes at. "It's… I get it. This… isn't what you're used to." 

"Nonetheless, it is… no excuse for my churlishness." 

She nods, and his heart wrenches uncomfortably with how very bereft she seems as she does so. "It's… okay." 

His eyes narrow as he considers this acceptance from her. How very easily she forgives him. How quickly she dismisses his faults in having behaved so abhorrently towards her.  

How different things might have been between them if only he were capable of doing the same.  

He must not think of that, must not imagine what could have been. That part of their relationship is done, the path of it obliterated and lost so that only mere echoes of it remain, but he knows that they can learn to do better by one another going forward. With the both of them preparing to parent a child together, they truly have no other choice in the matter. 

"And how shall I answer this?" he asks as he points randomly at a word on the checklist of mortal maladies before him. It is an olive branch of sorts, a gesture meant to demonstrate to her that he is willing to listen. 

Suspiciously, her eyes flick up at him before she turns them down to where he's indicated. 

"Heart disease? I'm pretty sure you know you don't have that." A barely there smile tugs her lips up, and it is a sad thing to behold, like the drooping petals of a wilting flower trying to bloom. "You could probably just answer no to everything. It's… what I did." 

"Very well." 

"And… whatever you do, don't put down how many actual glasses of wine you can consume in a day when it gets to that part." 

He frowns at her, his mind working to make sense of what she's just told him. "I assume… it would be a tell that I am not… normal then," he guesses. 

Her eyes sparkle faintly with an unexpected mirth, a sort of teasing shine to them that is still dulled somehow. "Big yes. Biggest yes ever." 

"I see." 

When he's finished, May cautiously takes the forms from his hand to look over everything, and he surrenders the papers to her without dissent. A month ago, such an act on her part would have infuriated him, but he's… regretful. The self-hatred he feels in the wake of his actions is churning inside of him violently, forcing him to an apologetic tentativeness. And May has always had a far better sense of the norms in this realm than he, a truth he had recognized very early in their relationship when they made their occasional trips into the Waking. He supposes that she would be the best to ensure his answers are satisfactory.  

After she's scanned it all twice, she goes to stand, and he stays her with a hand on her arm. 

"What is it? I'm just heading over there to hand this to the receptionist."

"Sit," he orders roughly before gentling his tone. "I shall do so in your stead." 

May hesitates. "You're not going to do anything else to… anyone, are you?" 

It takes him a minute before he understands her meaning. The receptionist. She's worried for the receptionist. It is only with great control that he keeps his expression from darkening in remembrance. That woman had been abysmally rude to May, had treated her as if she were less than, as if she were something low and offensive, and all May is concerned with is making sure he doesn't exact retribution on the human. He struggles to reconcile her kindness, her goodness, with the fact that she had assuredly composed spells for that infernal grimoire, had written the very one that ensnared him even.  

"I will… merely deliver these documents and then return to you. No… further defense of your honor, as you call it." 

"Morpheus-" 

"You have my word."

That seems to assuage her fear as she huffs out a resigned sigh before passing him the clipboard, and he rises to his feet, stalking to where Karen is still watching him with wide eyes, her whole demeanor like that of a rat with a hungry hawk swooping overhead. 

Good. 

"The… n-nurse should… should take her back in a… in a minute," Karen informs him as she holds out May's cards for him between her trembling fingers. 

Morpheus glares as he bites his tongue on saying what he wishes to, which is that she is a poor example of humanity given to ignorance and the most foolish of the moral mires inherent in her society. But he… refuses to speak such truths given that by doing so he would only serve to further distress his… to further distress May, and he does not wish to see any more troubled than she already is.  

"Very well," he grants instead, even as he idly wonders if it would be a violation of his oath to May were he to send this woman a particularly foul nightmare when next she slept. Something, perhaps, that might assist her in loosening her hold on her hateful prejudices.  

"Thank you, Karen." May says, startling him as she appears at his side, taking her cards from the woman to slide them back inside her bag. "Did I hear you say the nurse would come get me soon?" 

Karen, however, won't look away from Morpheus, and any other time he might take a sense of pride in her obvious fear. Now, however, he's too busy peering down at May in confusion. Had she not trusted him to do this? Had she believed that he would disregard his vow to her on leaving the mortal woman be?  

Why does the thought of her so thoroughly doubting him… hurt? 

He has no time to question her on any of this, though, as the door closest to him opens and another human steps out of it, a clipboard held in her hand as well. 

"Michaela Westin?"  

"That's me. I'm here. Hi." May smiles brightly, a veneer of polite cheer on her features that Morpheus thinks is but a mask. He's noticed her doing that often in the past few weeks, smiling as if she means it despite the air of hopelessness around her most of the time.  

"Hello there! I'm Annabeth. Let's get you back into a room, sweetheart, and then I'll get some more information from you before we get started." 

As May steps past him, it's instinct for him to rest his hand on the small of her back, to guide her so that she's walking slightly in front of him as they both cross this threshold.  

He follows her into the inner sanctum of the physician's office, trailing after the nurse as she leads them through the labyrinthine mess of hallways and doors before ushering them into a room, a sterile, clinically white space with a large window and a rather tall bed pushed up against the farthest wall. There's a chair off to one corner and May directs him to it, shoving her bag into his stomach as she demurely asks, "Will you hold this for me, love muffin?" 

Love… muffin? Love muffin? What a preposterous way to refer to him. The unmitigated cheek of this foolhardy female. It is only with a herculean effort that he manages to bite back his waspish response as he settles into the seat, glowering at her while he adjusts her bag in his hold. 

But then… the nurse has her step on a scale, writing down May's weight with a worried frown that makes Morpheus instantly forget his annoyance at her insolent epithet for him. 

"Why don't you hop up on the table for me, and I'll get some more vitals."

A strange panic is overwhelming him, but May seems calm, so he tries to placate himself as well, using her reactions a a guidepost for his own. When May's sitting on the bed, the nurse puts an odd device around the uppermost part of her arm, a cuff of some sort with a tube and a humming machine attached to it. 

And May remains relaxed. 

"It'll get tight, sugar," the nurse warns, and Morpheus tries to distract himself as she presses a button on the device. He studies this nurse, this Annabeth. She is… kinder than the receptionist had been, her mind drastically more pleasant, and he can read from it that she thinks May appears… sickly, more sickly than she should perhaps be. It's not quite fear she has, though, but more pity, a genuine compassionate urge to tend to May which Morpheus finds that he wholeheartedly approves.  

May winces, and suddenly Morpheus can take no more. He moves to rise, to go to her, to put an immediate end to this madness where she is being poked and prodded before him, but she stops him with a pointed glare. "I'm fine, dear. They're just checking my blood pressure."

Annabeth looks between May and Morpheus, her eyebrows raising in puzzlement before she seems to comprehend something that makes her laugh. "Oh, I get it. Protective husband is an overprotective daddy."

It's the wrong thing to say. 

The blood visibly drains from May's face, and Morpheus feels himself stiffen in shock. Their eyes meet, his and hers, and he can see the sadness there, the clear pain of what could have been. "He's… um… definitely going to be an overprotective dad," May replies, all of her quiet. Broken.

Annabeth, seemingly oblivious to this exchange, goes on with her task of scribbling things down on her clipboard. "Aw, don't fret about it, sweetie. The good ones get that way sometimes. I've had four myself, and my husband wouldn't even let me have my mornin' coffee because he was afraid the babies would come out with three heads or somethin'. It was frustratin' at the time, but in hindsight it was kinda darlin' of him."

Morpheus tears his eyes away from the woman he had once sought to marry, gathers himself as best as he can, and asks hoarsely, "I have read that women in such a state should not partake of caffeine."

Annabeth grins and wags a finger in his direction. "Now you don't start on her if she wants a cup or two. A little won't hurt anybody, even that tiny one of yours. And she sure looks like she could use a pick me up. Don't make it so she's gotta start keepin' a coffee machine and all the necessary fixins in her car like I had to."

May's unexpected laugh is beautiful, wholly melodic. "Your husband caused you to have to stealth brew coffee in your car?"

"Well, I'm fairly certain I'm eighty-seven percent caffeine, so I needed it like most people gotta have oxygen."

The smile May gives is genuine, her usual expression of enjoyment at having someone to converse with, and it strikes Morpheus that perhaps she is… lonely. "You're kind of making me want some coffee now, Annabeth."

"Good luck gettin' it past Mr. Overprotective over there."

To hear May laugh again loosens something in his chest, something that's had a ruthless hold of him since he'd feared she had been taken earlier. He tries to speak, to say anything, but his words are stuck in his throat as emotion swells within him. He loathes that he loves her, that he cares for her still despite that he should not. 

"All righty. Any other symptoms you want me to put in your chart for the doctor, sweetie?" Annabeth questions, and the sound of the nurse's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "It says on your form that you've been gettin' sick."

May's easy contentment falters, her face falling. "I… Yes."

"How often, would you say?  

May casts a hesitant glance at Morpheus before turning her attention back to Annabeth. "Almost… every hour."

"You been keepin' anything down at all?" the nurse asks with a frown, her brows furrowed in concern as she scrutinizes May anew. 

May begins fidgeting again, something that she only engages in when she's especially nervous, and he feels his heart sink with dread. "Um… no. I don't think so."

Nothing at all? He had known that she was suffering from morning sickness, but to be retaining no nourishment cannot be safe for her or their child. Alarm floods him as the nurse moves to a cabinet and begins rummaging around in it. 

"Lord Mercy, that sounds horrid," she says as she pulls her hand free with a large rectangle of fabric clutched between her fingers. "I'm gonna need you to get undressed from the waist down and put this over your lap. We'll try to do the ultrasound abdominally at first, but if we can't get a good picture we'll switch to the transvaginal." She points to two buttons on the wall. "Press this green one when you're ready, and Dr. Martin will have a look at you and the baby, see if he can't figure out something to help you with that nausea."

Help. Yes… May needs help. For the first time since he'd began this little excursion with her, Morpheus thinks he finally understands why she'd felt desperate enough to seek any healer out, even one mortal and ill-suited to treat her.

"That sounds great," May breathes out, a relief in her tone that cuts at Morpheus. He'd been ready to stop her today, had been so aggravated at what he perceived to be a ridiculous folly that he'd threatened to forcibly shift her home. 

Annabeth grabs her papers and exits the room, leaving a heavy silence in her wake.

May undoes the top button of her pants before she at last spares him a glance. "Can you… look away? Maybe turn around or…"

He wants to remind her that he's seen her naked body more times than this planet they're on has had stars crash into its surface, but she seems unnerved again, altogether stressed by how he might respond to this request of hers. 

"If you wish, I could wait outside." 

May shakes her head. "No, that's fine. Just turn around. If I send you out of the room, they'll assume we're fighting or something." 

Dutifully, he faces away from her. "Ah, yes. It is important they do not see through the lie." 

"Hey, that's not on me," she tells him over the shuffling sounds she's making. "You told them we were married. I was perfectly fine with them thinking I liked to sleep around or that we'd just gotten blackout drunk one night in Vegas and knocked boots without a condom." 

He hadn't been fine with it, however. No matter her apparent acceptance of such a thing, the thought of her being viewed, being treated as less than had grated on him. "It doesn't… bother you? That they might… judge you so harshly for something they know nothing of?" 

"Nope. Believe it or not, humans are pretty cool about that stuff these days. Well, most of them. The bitchy receptionist was a fluke." 

"May-" 

She huffs out a short laugh. "Sorry. Sorry. I know. You don't like that word." 

His forehead creases."No, that is not… what I was intending to speak to you of. Please feel free to apply whatever colorful language you would like concerning that foul creature who greeted us upon entering." 

"Wow. She really did piss you off, huh?" 

He can hear the noise of paper crinkling behind him, and he wonders what exactly she's doing back there. "She angered me greatly. Her… attitude towards you was… unacceptable." 

The sounds stop as she responds, "There are always going to be people who think badly of you here. You… get used to it after a while." 

He can't help his scoff. "Is that meant to convince me that her behavior wasn't insulting?" 

"Nope. It's just… It is what it is. There's no point in letting it upset you… Also, you can turn around now if you want." 

She's sitting on the table, that mask of false cheer back on her face, the rectangle of fabric spread out over her bare lap, and without the benefit of a thick sweater on her, he can see exactly why the nurse had seemed uneasy when she'd taken May's weight. She's assuredly gotten thinner, likely a side effect of being unable to properly partake of  any nourishment. Panic twists his stomach into a knot. 

"Why… did you not inform me of how ill you were?" His voice is ragged with emotion, with the great well of battling sentiments inside of him. 

The mask slides off of her features, and she glances down guiltily at the floor, twiddling her fingers in a restlessness that speaks to her trepidation. "It just… wasn't something that I really could work into a conversation, you know? Or something I even thought you'd care about. Like, what was I supposed to say? Oh I know you hate me and all but by the way, I'm really sick." 

It's the second time she's mentioned him hating her, and despite the fact that he wishes he did, he's all too aware that he seems incapable of such a feeling where she's concerned. "Regardless of what you might assume, I do not… hate you." 

Her thoughts, when they filter through his mind, are devastating, wrenching his heart with all the vengeful viciousness of their separation. But you do. I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice. You might not want to admit it out loud, but you… you hate me. And I… hate me a little too. If only I could…. If only…. Never mind. It doesn't matter.  

He opens his mouth to address this, to deny it, but he falters, his words stuck on the tip of his tongue. After all, what might he say to correct this belief of hers? What could he honestly give her that would change her mind? How can he adequately explain his feelings when he doesn't even understand them himself? 

"You wanna press the button for me? So… I don't have to get up and all." 

Dejectedly, he reaches out to do just that, but... something gives him pause. There's an odd smell in the air, an acrid hint of ozone and burning leaves, all melded with the iron tang of blood. His power flares at the scent, a warning shooting through his awareness like a bolt of lightning striking a tree.  

Outside the room they're in, it's gone eerily silent. Deathly so, he would almost say, and when he expands his perception to get a read on who or what is near them, he's met with a disturbing blankness, one he's only ever known during the time he was trapped in that binding circle at Fawney Rig, the time all those decades ago that he was made powerless by Roderick Burgess.  

And in that moment, Morpheus knows two things with utter surety. The first is that he was indeed correct when he'd surmised earlier that May was in danger outside Viego's wards, that she had been reckless to leave them on her own. Obviously, something or someone has been tracking her, lying in wait for the opportunity they might have were she to be free of the ward's protections. The second thing he knows, and perhaps the part that most worries him, is that whatever or whomever has been on her trail is in this building with them. Right now.

NEXT CHAPTER

Tag List for BBHAP: @julesandro

If anyone else wants to be added to this or anything else let me know!!! <3

[quitealotofsodapop]

[Silly au idea]

Hmm... I'm most intrigued by The Split Soul Route - partly from the oddball and what sort of Nature Vs Nurture can occur here - but I also think the Found Baby in the Dumpster AKA The Bao Route is cute too. Because that's how Pigsy got MK and by the time the group could/does realize who Bao is, they've already gotten too attached to do anything to her.

[In the Shadowpeach route of my "Reincarnated LBD" au idea;]

But I do love me an immortal killing daughter of the Great Sage. Hard choice. Maybe a poll is needed.

[basically Macaque ends up "holding on to" the wild un-reincarnated soul of LBD]

Considering the shit she did, I doubt that he's just 'holding on to', that monkey probably put the soul in a jar and is shaking it like a madman several times a day - like Tom from the Chuck Jones era of Tom and Jerry in the invisible Jerry episode. But more maniacal laughter.

[Will it attach itself to the recently-reconcilled Sun Wukong and Macaque, becoming Yuebei Xing like in the au? Shadowpeach screaming ensues.]

HMMM!

What if they didn't know? Certainly, a ton of adrenaline petering off and a near end of the world could make everyone a little less observant of a stray soul going for a new host?

Don't know what she could even do in that form, but stay tucked away and wait for the chance to get a new body - like, unless she can manage to make Mac horny enough to go to SWK for relief and that's how they make the kid (sort of exes-with-benefits and maybe figuring-it-out-hate-sex), BUT!

By the time Macadoodle figures out he's got a bun in the oven - that's when the Brotherhood thing is happening. He was gonna tell SWK that day, but it all got derailed like the trains in Persona 5, so he kept it to himself until it got resolved.

Then he tells SWK, maybe after the beach party? Just, putting the other's hands over the still-small-bump and him putting it together.

TMKATI-Mac got lucky he didn't indulge too much in his first pregnancy...Yuebei Route-Mac did not get so lucky. Maybe as a sort-of final 'Fuck you' from LBD? XD

They'd figure it out later, but, like in the Bao Route, they're too attached.

And asking Pigsy for help/advice a lot. Pig-daddy raised a good kid, so they're taking notes.

current posts on the "Reincarnated!LBD au"; here (og post + very cool idea for the Ironbull side), here (shadow twins got made on accident), and here (Shadowpeach done goofed).

I'm leaning towards the "Split Soul" route cus I like writing around the chaos of the gang realising that there isn't just *one whole* super-ancient demon soul floating around. Almost mirrors the situation with the Rings of Samadhi.

Basically in her death; LBD attempted to "Piccolo Junior" (ty @dorothygale123) herself into a fresh new body - only for her soul to splinter into pieces. Two were able to be caught in the direct aftermath and stored away for the meantime - but Reincarnation has a 49 day deadline, and if those days pass without a solution the Underworld will repossess the soul fragments themselves.

So whats easier than for the Fragments to become New Souls instead of potientially reforming into LBD? ¯(ツ)/¯

[What if they didn't know? Certainly, a ton of adrenaline petering off and a near end of the world could make everyone a little less observant of a stray soul going for a new host?]

Hehehe.

Lets just say the adrenaline of fighting your possessed former-mate, making him remember what he's fighting for, and showing your parental side, is a Big turn on for a certain pair of monkeys.

But yeah, no one paid attention to how many Soul Fragments got formed in the aftermath.

[-that monkey probably put the soul in a jar and is shaking it like a madman several times a day-]

The thought of Macaque's storage solution for part of LBD's soul being a jar is hilarious. MK probably yells that he's "just making her angry!" when he catches him doing it.

Of course this form of torment is the reason Maccadoodle realises that the soul fragment is suddenly missing after he and Wukong make up...

Downside; Macaque does spend S4 el pregante and not telling anyone. First person to realise whats up is Nezha, who found out completely on accident. ("I turned my back for ONE SECOND, and you and Sun Wukong have two infants, with one on the way?!").

Also at least one member of the Brotherhood smelled that something was Off with Mac and mentioned it to the rest of them. Azure had a blue-screen error moment when he tried doing the math. Mac still kicks asses when he decides to fight, even with Peng taking a moment to mock his "egg-burdened" appearance. Peng gets shadow-slapped into the horizon.

[Then he tells SWK, maybe after the beach party? Just, putting the other's hands over the still-small-bump and him putting it together.]

Omg thats the perfect scenario for how Mac tells Wukong about the baby. They're sharing the shade, in addition to a pair of sleepy shadow monkeys, and Mac just takes Wukong's hand when he's offered the peach popsicle and brings it to his middle.

Wukong's eyes blink gold for a second before he starts sobbing with joy. Lots of loud, gross, sappy kissing ensues.

Bonus+: In theory each of the four New Souls represents an aspect of LBD that was too great for one little kid to inherit.

Yuebei (aka the Shadowpeach baby): Is much like how she is in the TMKATI au. Is a big, kinda-ugly, baby who's started cooking around the time of S4. Messy black fur, pale skull-shaped face marking, six ears and a shocking amount of strength for a newborn. Represents LBD's wrath.

Bao (Freenoodles): Dumpster piglet. Found in the trash during the post-battle clean-up of the noodle shop. Looks like the chubbiest little piglet with wispy white fur & black spots. Was assumed to just be a street urchin orphaned/abandoned in the chaos of LBD's destruction. By the time they realise Bao is even a Fragment of LBD, she's already Freenoodles pride and joy + MK's beloved baby sister. Represents LBD's hunger for power.

Guǐhuǒ (Ironbull baby, name suggested by @aokolpvxs): PIF and DBK planned to have a big big family together long before the complications with Red arose. So when Red Son explained to them about this little unreincarnated soul needing a "home"... who are they to turn down the chance at having a second born after so long? Red didn't even suggest it to them, they insisted. And you *know* that little half-bull princess is gonna have DBK wrapped around her little finger before she even arrives. Represents LBD's pride/decorum.

Shísuàn (Spider gang baby): Part of LBD's soul that got trapped in spider silk, and by-proxy became a spider (specifically a Diving bell) demon egg. Egg is lime green and about the size of a basketball. Despite initial reservations, the whole gang are soon fighting over who gets to name/take care of the spiderling inside. At least until the ginger-haired spiderling hatches and starts screaming with colic. Huntsman finally ends up asking Sandy and the Monkie Kid gang for help once the late nights get too much for him. Turns out the baby spider was just gassy. Has specific "favorites" among the gang, which includes new friend the Scorpion Queen. Represents LBD's mischief/discourse.

The Mayor is hanging around too. Got to keep an eye on where His Lady is after all. Gets beaten up by the gang the second he shows up anywhere. Later even gets beaten up by "His Lady" in the form of baby Yuebei deciding he failed the vibe check.

[arcanobabble]

why would you derail a post about schizophrenia to make it about autism? not everything has to be about fucking autism. if a post is not about autism, don't bring it up.

So, I saw a notification the other day where I'd been tagged in a very quickly deleted reply. I didn't get to see most of it, but it was along these lines.

I don't know what post this is about. I'm sorry if I ended up derailing the discussion, or coming off as though I was talking over people with schizophrenia. While I can guess I was probably making a misguided attempt to show solidarity, I can't really apologise or learn without knowing what you're actually angry at me for.

[didiwaffles]

Nephew got another last very last chance to pass his math exam and my mom finally decided to do something. To no one's surprize but hers, he's been failing because he absolutely sucks at math.

Now, for context, I love math. Due to my adhd I tend to make dumb mistakes, but even then I still love solving little silly numbers and shit (for as long as I know how to do it).

Max being unable to grasp the simpliest of the concepts left everyone frustrated, but I quickly found out that he doesn't frustrate me nearly as much as how my mom reacts to it.

These studying sessions been most unproductive I've seen in my entire life, and I've had studying sessions go like "okay okay OKAY I procrastinated long enough my exam is tomorrow I gotta do something *opens the book, gets hit with the executive disfunction* oh well I guess I'm playing overwatch and hope I can somehow absorb the divine knowledge 5 mins before the exam"

To begin with, she gives him no time to think. Heard first answer, no matter if it's right or wrong, she yells NO at him and THEN thinks what's even happening. If his first answer is wrong or he doesn't give one immediately, she dictates word for word for him to write down. Surprise, that does NOTHING to help him learn or remember something, he doesn't even understand what he's doing, no matter how many times she throws tons of useless information at him.

By today, I just started walking around her and yelling SHUT UP at her every time she opened her mouth cause holy fuck let him think for one minute jfc

So all of this led to an interesting conversation between us. For another bit of context, a little bit earlier today she complained to me about him and called him a "dumb little brat" which do we recall I told her when she shittalks him I hear her shittalk me yes? Okay great moving on. So my nephew went out to take a break and me and mom had the following conversation (that frankly got me pissed off):

Mom: Idk what to do. This is useless. Look at this. How is he messing up stuff like this. This should be second nature by now etc etc

Me: (attempting a conversation) Maybe try to consider that he is like. Not hopelessly stupid and braindead.

Mom: I know he's not! He's smart!

Me: Well then, if he's smart, how is he doing these kinda mistakes?

Mom: Idk, how?

Me: Nonono, you tell me! What's you version?

Mom: I have none! This just doesn't compute in my brain!

Me: Well, you see, there are people who are just not good at math.

Mom: Not good at math my ass! He never had those kinda problems when I was homeschooling him (for context: that was 5 years ago and his grades were the worst in his life during that period; he also was miserable, somehow hardly not more than when he lived with his alcoholic mom sleeping with every man who'd have her).

Me: Well that's just what happens when you let untreated depression and adhd progress.

Mom: Oh please stop this he's not sick! Stop indoctrinating him with this bullshit!

Me: (you can guess I'm getting real angry here because I was diagnosed with both and been getting treatment and showed visible and incredible progress but here we are again ig) So are you saying I'm also not?

Mom: Of course! You're also a very smart girl who finished 3 years of the university.

Me: No. This "smart girl" dropped out of both college and uni.

Mom: Well, your loss.

Me: (and now you can tell I'm fucking furious to hear that being said in my face again) I DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO???

Mom: (shut up attempting to derail the argument but oh no I'm not done)

Me: So ig you're the smartest person here? Nvm the doctor that diagnosed me, international classification of diseases? What's that? The world health organization who? Clearly they all are fucking dumbasses, what do they even know?

Mom: Absolutely, waste of space really (sounds like a joke, but she will not think even for a second that maybe she's wrong and maybe she's not smarter than people that literally specialize in that)

And now, tell me, how do I have any kinda conversation with this person?

Just fresh out of the argument with my mom

I think I'm fully in my right to yell and cry because she triggered my trauma

My nephew failed his math exam again, which was to be expected tbh at this point but it was about his last chance so he can get into college this year. But literally is it that big of a deal? So what if he failed again. So what if he loses another year. So what if he has to pass it again and again and again. Does it really define him as a person?

Well, my mom's answer was yes.

So then I asked her if his failure meant he's not deserving of support. If he's not worthy of love just because he keeps failing basic math over and over and over again. If me continuously failing college, university, all the other stuff means I don't deserve her support. If her feeling disappointed, her feeling shameful of our failures is more important than our own feelings about our failures.

Apparently, the answer once again was yes.

We also went into what could've been done about it and how she never tries to find a compromise and is satisfied with 'I tried and they didn't like it, that's all I can do' but at the same time rejects every other option because sees her way as the only right one, but all that is not even important. I'm just so... I just see myself in him. As he cried in my room and she kept berating him. And she thinks he deserved it. That I deserve it then too?

And she victimizes herself. It's us who treat her poorly. It's us who tell her mean things, that she's allowed us to behave this way long enough, how she doesn't like being treated like that. It's her who suffers from his failure. It's her who's disappointed, ashamed, has to face people about his failures, about my failures. It's us who need to be "stuffed full of drugs".

And it's me begging her, for once in her life try to think not about herself and how she feels. But how he feels. How I feel. How anyone feels outside of herself. To drop that damn 'I' and stop thinking about herself for damn minute.

[arans-princess]

I wanna play

Sakusa-nii x reader x atsumu

Degradation, rough sex, spitting, cnc, this gets dark yall, light somno. Poly relationship

-  Omi-nii doesn’t like most people except you, you are the only exception, he loves his little sister to death. He would do anything to keep you happy. 

- He doesn’t like bodily fluids unless they come from you, everything you do is so adorable to him, you’re his Imōto

- The way you whine as he eats out your cute little cunny, music to his ears

- The way you claw at his back as his thick cock splits you open, is so sweet. He knows his dick it too big for you, but the way you tell him you’re a big girl and you can take it, any thing for nii-chan; makes his cock throb. 

-  The way you babble and drool as he fucks you silly, your eyes rolling back as he bounces you on his dick, one large calloused hand around your throat using it as leverage. The other holds you at your hip with a bruising grip as he plows into you. 

-  The bathroom sink is frigid on your feverish body, but it does nothing to quell the heat inside you. He applies just enough pressure to your neck so that you're looking at yourself in the mirror. 

- He gladly pounds your third orgasm out of you, his hips unrelenting as the post game adrenaline has flooded his veins. Gosh, when they said he was a part of the generation of monsters they weren’t kidding. 

“Omi-nii, ugh, fuck I-I Im gonna cum!” you babble through strangled moans, your pulse pounding in your head as his thick fingers press against the sides of your throat, cutting off blood supply to your brain. Drunk off the pleasure, you can feel your head swimming, drowning in the sensation of his fat cock brushing against your sweet spot, the cold counter digging into you adds to your pleasure. 

“Yes, you can y/n-chan, yes you can. C’mon, be my good girl, cum on for me, cum for your nii-chan.” he bends down, leaning into your neck and bites. Leaving a trail of marks from your collarbone to your ear. “Just a little more for me, baby” the hand on your hip travels to your clit and rubs tight circles on your overused bud. His hips still as he increases the pace of his fingers. “You're clamping down so hard, baby girl, you gonna squirt for me?” he looks up at your blissed out expression, your legs are trembling, arms desperately clinging to the arm attached to your throat. 

“Omi, please I wanna taste you.” You mewl out clawing at his forearm, nails digging deep into his veiny flesh. Somehow, he takes you to heights unknown as his cock throbs in your wet heat. Now that he stopped thrusting you can feel your cunt pulsing, your slick is dripping down your ass onto the sink below making your ass slippery; you would have slid off, if not for you big brother supporting you, such a good brother. The hand on your throat migrates to your chin gripping it harshly, prying open your mouth. His face draws closer to yours as he gathers a glob of saliva and plops on to your tongue. You hold it in there waiting for him to give you permission to swallow, both of your fluids mingling in your mouth. Tongue twitching in anticipation, your eyes meet his in a silent plea. 

“Swallow princess. Be a good girl and squirt for me, c’mon” he coos while looking at your fucked out face; eyes rolling back, mouth open in a silent scream. With his encouragement you let go of the knot building in your belly, and all at once fluid gushes out of your cunt as he continues to rub your clit, working you through this mind numbing orgasm like a good big brother. Not even the groaning coming from one of the stalls can snap you out of this bliss.

“Holy fuck Omi-kun, I didn’t know she could squirt!” Both of your heads snap in the direction of the voice in search of the owner. Omi is shocked to find the owner, it’s Tsumu, his teammate. Oh fuck. “Poor little y/n-chan too fucked out on your brother's cock to care? Look at you. You look so fucking pathetic. You like when your big brother uses you like a toy? Don’t you?” Tsumu teases while inspecting your used body, he’s right. You’re covered in drool, cum is seeping out of your puffy cunt. You’re a mess. But you’re Nii-chan’s mess, right? “So this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to play with your toy. You can watch or leave, I don’t really care. Unless you want me to tell the press you fuck your baby sister like a whore? You can kiss your career goodbye. Yeah it would suck to have you off the team but; rumor has it, this Kyōtani Kentarō kid is being scouted for the team next year. I would love to set for him. Hate to see you go though.” That damn smirk never leaves his face, and he doesn't take his eyes off you, not even for a second. You can feel nii-chan stiffen between your legs as the realization hits him. He has to comply if he wants to keep your lives from derailing. 

“Fine,” Omi spits, “can I finish here first? I'm still hard.” his question is harsh, you can practically see steam coming from his ears, his face that was already red from the exertion deepened. His chest is still heaving, but you can't tell if it's from anger or not. It most likely is. This anger is only intensified with blond’s response. “ Yeah no. I want my payment now.” the blonde chuckles, looking very pleased with himself. Omi’s grip on your body tightens immensely, painfully even, yet somehow through this exchange you have not come to terms with what's happening quite yet. It's not until Omi withdraws from your heat that you understand the gravity of the situation. Your relationship has been found out, after years of being so careful, this is what happens. All because you couldn't keep your greedy little hands to yourself. You should feel more responsible but you can't bring yourself to. You're too far gone, trapped in your own mind, locked away in subspace. 

Next thing you know Tsumu plunges into your heat roughly and sets a brutal pace from the start. His cock isn’t the same and nii-chans, it's not as long. It doesn’t hammer into your cervix, but it's twice as thick, and the stretch burns. It’s not a good burn, it hurts. You dont like Tsumu fucking you. You're not his toy, you belong to nii-chan, not his teammate. You look over at Omi and see him standing in the corner. His cock is still hard and throbbing, the tip is a bright red, and he looks so ready to burst. ”Nii-chan, make him stop, I-I don't like him inside me. H-hurts, it hurts.” you croak out, attempting to reach out for him. The sight breaks his heart in two, he wants nothing more than to fling that shit-head off of his precious baby sister, but he can’t. He takes a half step towards you then stops himself, knowing if he interrupts his career is over, and with that so is your life of comfort. He simply can't have that. Omi swallows his pride and tries to tune out your wails of anguish as Tsumu defiles you, but your cries only get louder and louder as he continues. 

“Such a slut, aren't you y/n-chan? This little hole just weeps for anyone doesn't it?” Tsumu questions while leaning in your face, breath fanning over you. The rank smell of coffee assaults your nostrils, making you try and turn away, but he roughly snatches your face back to look at him. His fingers are roughly digging into your cheeks and the pressure forces your jaw open. Your eyes widen in fear as you realize what is about to happen. He hocks a fat glob of spit inside your pliant mouth, the look in his eyes tells you to swallow or risk harsher treatment. So with fat tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to spill over, you do as he asks. The pounding never ceases as he beams brightly down at you. His smile, one you once found endearing, now makes your stomach turn, and you close your eyes and hope for him to finnish quickly. 

“Aht aht aht, c’mon princess, look at me. Look at me and be grateful that someone is stuffing your stupid little cunt at all.” he chuckles as he thrusts harder into your womb, the stretch doesn’t burn like it did before, as your body finally adjusted to his massive girth. Reluctantly you open your eyes and look at his figure looming above you. He’s drenched in sweat and his face is flushed with exertion. He looks almost appealing like this, with his eyebrows furrowed, eyes blown wide in lust and some other emotion, hate? No, it doesn't bite the same. Its- its love. 

Love? He loves you? Oh yeah that's right , when Omi joined the team and brought you around to meet the team, he made it a point to keep Tsumu far away from you. One time Tsumu had managed to snag you away from the group, and while you don't remember much about that night, you do know that Omi was really mad about it. Omi said he was flirting but you didn't even realize it. The whole time you only had eyes for your Nii-chan. That must be why he was lurking in the bathroom. Now that you’re thinking, Atsumu was always around when you two would run off, and you always felt another set of eyes watching you… oh yeah, that’s right… You’re snapped out of your thoughts when you feel a pressure on your clit. The rough pads of his fingers circle your clit, you can feel the calluses on your sensitive nub throwing you over the edge into yet another orgasm. You claw at his back, unconsciously pulling him into you. The way your pussy clamps down on his length makes him gasp, professing his love in your ear as he shoots his load into you. But they dont say he is a part of the generation of monsters for nothing, he doesn't stop his relentless pace, pushing all of his cum out of you. Your vision starts to get blurry, between the tears and the haze of overstimulation taking over. You can hear Omi get angry somewhere in the back of your head, but it sounds far away, like he’s yelling underwater. 

You feel your body tense up for yet another orgasm and then your vision cuts out. When you come to, Atsumu is still fucking you, but the pleasure is gone. It’s too much, and when you register this you start fighting back, pushing his face off your neck, shoving his shoulders back to try and dislodge him. Then you hear him chuckle darkly. 

“Don't worry y/n-chan, I'll be done shortly, I was able to cum a few more times when you went to sleep on me. Did you know you cum even when you pass out?” he places a gentle kiss on your forehead. You look over to the side and see your big brother sitting in the corner. You look in his eyes and see barely contained rage. The fire in them looks like it could melt a diamond. Tsumu lifts your shirt to take a nipple in his mouth as he cums, sheathing himself in your heat completely, filling you up beyond what you thought was possible. 

Your legs start to give out and Omi notices this, he rushes to your side to hold you up-right. “ATSUMU, I told you to be more careful with her! We can't break our princess. Well at least not somewhere so public. Come here baby girl, Nii-chan will take care of you.”

“I’m sorry princess, I got a little carried away. Here, let's get you home. We can cuddle and watch some movies. And up you go!” Tsumu looks at you sheepishly as he apologises, then he lifts you up and pulls his hoodie over your head. He carries you out of the bathroom, uncaring for the strange looks you three get. Your face is buried in his neck and your legs are wrapped around his waist. Omi glares at anyone who even thinks about asking about your identity. 

Your relationship might be a little unorthodox, but it’s yours and everyone is happy with it. More importantly you and Omi have realized what happens when Tsumu feels left out. 

[missmentelle]

TW Suicide Attempt

Hey, I don't know who else to ask. I'm seeing a new therapist and I want to start fresh. I'm particularly haunted by my last relationship, and I'm not sure if I was abused, but I'd like to mention it to my therapist first if I was.

My ex started out normal, but after a while he asked me to delete pics with my exes. I thought nothing of it, because I didn't care if I had the pictures or not. I also used to be a model, and he asked me to delete nudes, and I did. Then he said I should stop modeling, and I agreed, even though I wanted to model. And then he made me take down non-nude modeling photos, and made me delete them off my hard drive. And would get mad if they were on a USB that I forgot to check, or if some were online because photographers didn't want to take them down (as was their right per our contracts). He'd stress me out, tell me to talk to everyone who had my pictures, etc. Then he asked me to throw out things that were my exes (presents, stuff that was theirs originally but they gave me, my stuff that I had left over at their houses), and after that, all my modeling clothes and prints. I didn't want to and we got into a huge fight. I generally don't raise my voice at all (actually I speak so low most people have trouble hearing me), but I did that time and every time it came up until I finally threw everything out. And then one day I found a sex toy his ex had left over (she had left over all her stuff and never picked it up, but he swore he'd thrown everything out), and I flipped out because it was in the nightstand we shared, just buried under stuff. And I felt gross and used, and well, he made me throw out all my exes stuff, even silly stuff that had no feelings attached and was just nice to have. And we had a big fight. We used to fight a lot at first, and it's all blurry, I just remember once he pinned me down, and choked me so I wouldn't leave, so the next time when I wanted to leave, I hit him with a perfume bottle (he was fine, didn't even get a bruise or anything).

And after he agreed to move to another place (a neutral location), things kind of calmed down, although we did fight once and neighbours heard. I don't know what to think because everyone says I abused him, and his family even blocked me after the break up.

Everyone thought I was unfair and treated him badly. I definitely don't see that, but I'm not sure if he abused me or not.

Most of the time I complied because I didn't have any place else to go, and didn't want to be homeless. When he broke up with me I attempted suicide and ended up hospitalized and later homeless anyway.

We had some happy times though, bug I just don't know what to think. I just feel weird and haunted and anxious after this relationship, and I'm scared to ever be in one again.

Oh, and I'm the anon who just asked if maybe I was abused by my ex. I forgot to say he didn't want to go to my parents house because he knew one of my exes stayed over when I was alone, and he didn't want me to go visit them often.

He also made me cut out everyone on my life who I ever dated, kissed/made out with, or had a crush on.

And he'd get mad if my family displayed my model photos, or photos with a vintage family dress that I wore as a model in a photoshoot with my ex.

He'd also complain if I made plans with friends, because I was going to spend too much money, or stay out too late, or walk home late at night (which I did frequently before).

He was abused by his previous girlfriend (or at least that's what he told me, he said I could look at the messages between them if I wanted, but I refused).

He also made me throw out my favorite top because he knew it's what I was wearing the last time I had sex with my ex before him (we were friends before and I told him, and he had seen me that night, so he knew what I was wearing, and it was a very very specific top).

For starters, I need you to know that what you’ve described is an extremely abusive relationship, not just a “possibly” abusive relationship, and I think it’s important for you to know exactly why that is:

He got violent with you. This alone is enough to make the relationship dangerously and severely abusive. Your ex pinned you down and choked you when you tried to walk away from an encounter. That’s an actual felony; people do prison time for that. Choking is a particularly dangerous form of abuse - he could have very easily killed you or caused some permanent damage. 

He couldn’t handle the fact that you had exes, and he dealt with it in the least healthy way possible. Your ex-partner’s obsession with your exes was beyond unhealthy. Forcing you to throw out perfectly good clothing or non-sentimental items because they had some association with your ex is unhinged. In a healthy relationship, both people understand that their partner is not with their ex anymore, and trust that the other person isn’t going to fall madly in love with their ex again just by using a toaster that the ex once used to make breakfast. Being able to cope with the fact that your partner once loved and had sex with someone else is a bare minimum requirement for a healthy adult relationship. No exceptions. It seems clear that you were never going to reach a point where he felt you’d done “enough” to purge your exes from your life - he was going to keep obsessing and keep whittling away at your life, without ever being satisfied that you were truly “his”. 

He was dangerously jealous. The level of jealousy that your ex showed was abusive, and potentially life-threatening. As I’ve already mentioned, it’s not normal for a partner to be fixated that hard on a partner’s ex. It’s also alarming that he was so obsessed with the fact that revealing photos of you might exist somewhere. You are allowed to have photos of yourself on your own hard drive, nude or otherwise. That’s your fucking business. You don’t have to justify keeping those photos - no one has a right to tell you to delete them. Not even a partner. You did nothing wrong here. It sounds like he couldn’t handle the fact that other men found you attractive, and he decided to punish you for it. That’s not okay. 

He was controlling. In a healthy relationship, you are allowed to wear what you want. You are allowed to decide which possessions you want to keep - even if that includes hanging onto old gifts from an ex. You are allowed to meet with friends, spend your money, and stay out late sometimes if you want to. You are allowed to model if you want to, and you are allowed to have photos of yourself on your own personal devices and give others the right to use and display those photos. It’s a bare minimum requirement that a partner treat you like an adult and respect your choices, even if they don’t always agree with them. The level of control that your ex tried to have over your life was absolutely unacceptable, and it was abusive. 

He intentionally sabotaged your career. You had a career as a model, and you enjoyed doing it. He made you stop. That’s not acceptable. Your partner couldn’t handle his own jealousy and insecurities, so he made you stop doing something that you were good at, something you did professionally. That’s another form of control, and it’s abusive. In a healthy relationship, partners support one another’s careers and passions. They don’t intentionally derail the other person for their own selfish reasons. He had no right to tell you to stop modelling, and he had no right to demand that you delete the products of your work. 

He socially isolated you. He kept you away from your friends and controlled how often you could see them. It sounds like he might have intentionally turned some of your loved ones against you. That’s a common tactic of abusers. When you are cut off from friends - or when they are no longer on your side - it’s harder for you to leave the relationship, because you no longer have someone to turn to for help leaving. In a healthy relationship, your partner encourages you to have friends and to make them a priority in your life. 

He made you responsible for his emotions, and held you to a double standard. Whenever HE was upset, YOU had to drastically change your life to suit his feelings. When YOU were upset at finding his ex’s sex toy in the nightstand, he got angry with you for being upset - he didn’t make changes to his life for your comfort, but expected you to do it for him. That’s not okay. A partner who is unwilling to take responsibility for their own emotions is a dangerous partner - and sure enough, he turned violent when you got upset with him. A healthy partner recognizes that their emotions are their responsibility, and they deal with their insecurities without taking it out on their partner. 

He trapped you in a situation where you could never win. Your abusive ex was fixated on things that you could never change - the fact that you had exes, the fact that you modelled, the fact that other people had old modelling shots of you. There was no way for you to ever change those things; you couldn’t go back in time and un-date your exes. So he just kept holding those things over your head, forever. He found a way to keep you in check by permanently trying to hold you accountable for things you did in the past that could never be changed. He made sure he always had the moral upper hand in the relationship, as a way to keep you down. 

Moving forward, I think it’s important for you to understand that you didn’t do anything wrong here. You are allowed to have exes. You are allowed to own things that you exes once touched. You are allowed to model. You are allowed to have photos of yourself. None of those things make you a bad person or a bad partner, and you should never have to apologize for any of them. If your ex had a problem with any of those things (and he clearly did), it was his responsibility to either deal with those issues on his own, or leave the relationship if he knew he couldn’t handle it. He did not have the right to stay and mistreat you. This is on him, not you, and there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. 

Whether or not your ex was abused by his ex-girlfriend is irrelevant here. It might not even be true - many abusers feel intensely victimized when their actual victims resist their control, and it’s very common for abusers to falsely claim that they were “abused” by the partners they terrorized. But even if it is true, it doesn’t matter. It’s not an excuse. There are no excuses for abuse - not mental illness, not addiction, not “anger issues”, nothing. There are no “get-out-of-being-a-good-partner FREE” cards. If someone is in a place where they are at risk of harming their partner, it’s up to them to get therapy and to avoid relationships until they are prepared for a healthy one. 

I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a professional about what you experienced. If possible, look for a therapist who specializes in helping survivors of domestic violence. If you don’t have access to a therapist, contact a domestic violence agency or hotline, and see if they can find you some resources for free or affordable counselling. A professional can help you unpack what you experienced, work through the trauma, reach a deep understanding of how relationships should function, and prepare to move forward with healthier boundaries and self-esteem. 

You can also find online support groups for survivors of domestic violence - these groups can help you connect with other people who have had similar experiences and understand what you’ve been through. It can be a great place to get support from others and share advice for working through it. You can look for groups through Google, or on social media platforms like Facebook and Reddit. 

It’s also okay if you need to take some time - or a lot of time - to work through this before you feel comfortable dating again. That’s normal. That’s okay. Focus on building a life that is comfortable for you. If you want to return to modelling, that’s an option you can explore. You could pick up some new hobbies, look at going back to school, or reconnect with the friends who’ve been supportive of you through this. Some people find that art or journalling can be useful for working through these feelings - you could give that a try. Spend some time focusing on rebuilding your self-esteem and comfort in your own skin, and don’t feel pressure to start dating again until you feel ready.  Best of luck to you, MM

[abla-soso]

I'm sending you this ask because I saw this post and I think this might be a case of a cultural misunderstanding? The entire conversation was very disconnected; almost nobody understood what the other was attempting to say.

I think witchesofcolor did assume about mimiwrites2000 originally but they did correct themselves pretty quickly.

They warned mimiwrites2000 about the language they were using and then explained it to them. In the U.S. if someone saying says something incredibly offensive (part of the statement they made most certainly was) then it's considered good manners to correct them immediately (particularly foreigners) so that they don't accidentally offend others. However this might be offensive in wherever you're from.

I also don't particularly believe you're anti-black either.

But, your overall behavior was (by western standards) super aggressive and you've mistaken some things as well.

When referring to AAVE that is not a 'Westerners' issue. AAVE is a specific dialect native to only Black Americans. It's words have become quite popular on the internet but they're often used improperly (as you mentioned); however because Black Americans still use the words as they were meant to be this leads to confusion and irritation (particularly the latter for Black Americans). Both you and mimiwrites2000 use it quite a bit so be there might be more confusions in the future.

Throughout the post no one called mimiwrites2000 a racist or anti-black; they said the language used was. The action was anti-black; no one said anything about the person. There's a big difference.

It was said/implied that both witchesofcolor and visibilityofcolor attacked mimiwrites2000 which again isn't accurate. To attack is imply they were purposely malicious; which they weren't. In reality, they were relatively polite. That of course doesn't mean that mimiwrites2000 didn't feel hurt; but they weren't attacked.

Honestly, you sounded really dismissive? It almost seemed like you didn't care that something offensive was said? You appeared more offended that someone corrected mimiwrites2000 and you then that something harmful was said? Like, as long as you're suffering in Palestine damned be anything else; even if it's hurtful to other marginalized communities.

Also, you claimed that you were being tone policed but you really weren't. Tone policing is when someone refuses to help/support a movement because they didn't like your tone (or attitude/words/etc.). While your tone wasn't liked; all involved still support Palestine regardless.

Overall, everybody made accusations and assumptions.

I believe neither you nor mimiwrites2000 are native English speakers (or from a western country) and language is really tricky (especially English!) so certain things are maybe lost or aren't understood but it's lost on me how you are so confident you've said or done absolutely nothing wrong. Especially since most of that entire post is in regards to something most non-Americans (including those from western countries) would have a lot of trouble understanding.

Anon, I appreciate your compassionate effort to fix this mess, but I’m really over it, and I highly doubt we can see eye to eye on this. 

It’s not just a language barrier, there is definitely a huge difference in culture clues/values. 

What I found incredibly offensive in my culture (ignoring a grieving person’s cry for help and focusing on how their wording offends me) doesn’t seem to be a big deal to you. Where I'm from, if a person is in desperate need of help, you don’t get to make it about yourself instead. Even if that person deliberately insults you, you listen and help them first and then deal with the insult. And it’s more outrageously rude when that person who was asking for your help was obviously clueless and never meant to offend but you still prioritized your hurt feelings anyway. 

You can’t imagine the level of shame and humiliation a person from an Arab culture feels when a person ignores their cry for help and tries to nitpick the words they used to ask for help, especially if they were subjugated to constant silencing and dismissive attitude before (and mimiwrites2000's private messages to me expressed how terrible she felt). 

That’s why I was angry and aggressive. 

And I’m not gonna apologize for it. 

Because while I listened and honored those guy's wishes and vowed to never again use that word that they found offensive (because I was NOT dismissive of their complaint itself), they - on the other hand - never listened. 

They demanded that a grieving victim who was crying for help be held accountable for an innocent mistake she made, but they completely absolved themselves of their own gross western-centric bias. 

They choose to call me all kinds of nasty names over and over and bombarded me with really vile, hateful messages for days.  

So sorry, but I don’t owe them shit.

But I will answer the rest of your points:

I had no idea what AAVE is, and neither did mimiwrites2000. Assuming we should have known anyway is a classic example of western-centric bias.

Even if mimiwrites2000 wasn’t directly accused of racism, the mere fact that her cries for help were ignored and she was forced to defend herself - because of an unintended offense that was caused by nothing but innocent cluelessness - was outrageous enough to me as an Arab. That post was about uplifting Palestinian voices - who were actively silenced right now - and allowing them to express their outrage and grief freely, regardless of how westerners feel about it. It was NOT the time or place to nitpick and police Palestinians voices. If someone was offended by a Palestinian’s choice of words; they should have approached them privately and respectfully, but not in my fucking post.

Mimiwrites2000 felt hurt because she felt ignored AND attacked. You don’t get to decide that for her. I already explained why an Arab victim would feel greatly humiliated in this situation, so I won’t repeat myself. 

Excuse me, but I’m too busy caring about my people being killed and colonized. I don’t have enough emotional energy to ignore my own deep pain and grief and focus on catering to other’s hurt feelings (which were caused by an unintended mistake and nothing else). We’re already deeply suffering and utterly emotionally exhausted, so have some freaking empathy and don’t demand that we should prioritize your feelings. And the most fucked up thig is: even AFTER I swallowed my own deep grief and pain and catered to their feelings; I was still called a racist bigot who didn’t really care about my own people’s suffering!!! I truly can not fathom this disgusting level of entitlement and lack of empathy.

Tone policing has many examples and it’s not limited to the one you mentioned. Also; claiming to “support” Palestine doesn’t mean shit when you nitpick and derail posts made by Palestinians and prioritize your own feelings over theirs. Don’t police, derail, or silence Palestinian voices. If you find something offensive; you can speak up, but keep the discussion in the DMs.  

[pionoplayer]

I keep having this really dumb idea in my head of like... overly long undertale style genocide run? But in a setting specifically constructed in such a way to keep the serial escalation of it going without derailing/diluting the thematics. I dunno if it's a particularly good idea but since one of Everhood's songs put another fight concept into my head for it I decided I might as well post the original idea that came with it here to tumblr.

Steps echo down a ruined corridor, worn down by calamity and time both. At the far end, a figure slouches against a pillar, notices the newcomer, and stands up straighter to face them.

"Hey there. Didn't expect someone to make it this far.

Let alone for that someone to be you, of all people.

Guess this is the part where I give my little speech, yeah? That's usually how these things go.

There's a line I've heard said, quite a few times in fact. It goes something like…

'Do you believe that even the worst person, no matter how horrible, can change if they just try?'

I've always considered it a tacky line but in the end, I believe it. The answer was 'yes' for me after all…

But here's the thing, buddy.

After a certain point, the question stops being "can this person change" and starts being "how many people will they hurt if we give them that chance again".

Because a person can change, no matter how horrible… but only if they decide to.

And you've been given more chances than anyone could possibly earn at this point.

Some people would draw a line in the sand and dare you to cross it.

Not me. You've already crossed every line that mattered.

Some people would give you one last chance to drop your weapon and surrender.

But you already killed them all while their guards were down.

And some people are like you. Ruthless, cold, downright psychotic.

I'd say it turns out they were right but uh, you didn't really leave any of them lying around either did you?

So I'm gonna ask this question one, final time. Just for nostalgia's sake. Back when there were beautiful days outside, when there were flowers left to bloom and birds left to sing.

Are you ready to have a bad time?

Because you don't get a choice anymore, as far as you've come down your path the only thing left waiting for you is the worst time of your life.

NOW STAND STILL AND DIE LIKE THE CREATURE YOU ARE."

The newcomer - no, the challenger - steps forwards instead, sending an attack towards the figure at the end of the hall. The strike is rendered harmless.

"Yeah, I figured that would be your response. Let's get started then, shall we?"

The defender begins his own assault, attempting a pace to keep the challenger from launching their retort.

"You know, it's kinda funny. Looking at you, you don't look like the kind of person that would be responsible for everything happening."

A gap in the onslaught, another quick and precise strike, followed by the defender resuming his barrage.

"Hey now, that's not a jab at your height. I don't waste jokes on an audience like you. Just a statement of fact, ya know?"

Another opportunity, another missed shot.

"If it weren't for all the bloodstains and equipment stolen from the corpses of people better than you, I'd think you were just some poor sod looking for their way back home."

A gap, a strike. The pattern is established.

"Wherever your home was, it's probably not there anymore. A lot of homes aren't there anymore, thanks to you.

Doesn't that bother you? That wherever you started you can't go back? That everyone you might have ever cared about in whatever times and places you could've been…

Are just gone? Vanished? Obliterated so thoroughly that even we can't bring them back?

Look, kid. I don't know what your deal is. I know you by reputation alone, and even if my job is dealing with 'problems', I was really hoping I wouldn't wind up here. With you.

But every single one of them, even the psychopaths bent on breaking everything over their knee…

They still had something they wanted to see through. Something they wanted to protect, even if it was just their own sorry hides.

I look in your eyes, in your past, I see nothing. Oh, I see a house, and parents, maybe friends. But I don't see anything real. Real to you. It's like you've erased it, severed all your own ties on a conceptual level.

It's almost like you're just as gone as everything you've taken away."

Something changes. The strike lands a little closer, shaving off something small, insignificant. The constant barrage of destruction falters.

"...That fast huh? Go on, do it again. I dare you, kid."

Another strike. Another impossibly near miss.

"I didn't think you'd actually be dumb enough to do it. Guess my little ramble actually paid off yeah? Now I know exactly what you are. Approximately."

Another strike. This time the sound of it hitting the far wall seems to shake the very foundation of the world itself. And then the room fills with death.

"Let's see how you deal with phase two, buster."

The pattern resumes, just with more noise and violence.

"You know, I really don't know why I'm still talking to you. A friend of mine would tell me to stop wasting my energy…

But, you know, it calms my nerves. Pretending I'm talking to a real person.

Now, I'm sure you know the whole catastrophe, inside and out. You were right at the heart of it after all.

To get things straight though? You got lucky. We were busy, other problems were cropping up, and it didn't look like you were the threat you are until suddenly everything was collapsing.

And with what you are… do you think maybe in another branch of causality we could've maybe been coworkers? Maybe friends?

You've got the moxie to be one of us, I'll tell you what. A bit lacking on the 'morals' side of things though.

Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Even if I, if we, stop you dead in your tracks, in a way you've already won.

Can't go back from where we are now after all…

Speaking of 'not being able to go back', I'm getting a little bit tired of this endless back and forth. What do you say I… speed things up a little?"

Abruptly the pace picks up, what was already an assault leaving so little untargeted space it was frankly unreasonable that the challenger had gotten this far - and gotten this far unscathed no less - becomes an unrivaled, personally targeted cataclysm.

"...You know, even knowing what your deal is... watching you brush off one of my best tricks like it's a laser pointer is infuriating."

The challenger lashes out, a set of frantic, angry strikes that are abruptly cut short by a resumption of hostilities from the defender.

"So you know what? I'll take a turn at your game. Go ahead, hit me with your best shot before I can charge up something better. Let's see how this goes for you."

The hall is silent for the briefest of moments, before the challenger lets loose the first noise they've made throughout the entire confrontation; an infernal, blood-curdling shriek. Power ripples through the hallway, searing away pieces of it in a barrage of strikes meant to bring gods to their knees.

Everything freezes. The challenger, the collapsing hall, everything but the defender.

"Wow, you're really ready to have this be over with, aren't you? I'm sure you almost got me, try harder next time and I'm sure you'll get to see what comes after."

There's a crunch and a soft cry of pain. The challenger is forced to their knees.

"I've got a little piece of advice for you though, assuming you haven't gotten it from me already."

Another crunch, a steady pace of dripping liquid can be heard.

"Your little 'quest' doesn't end with me. I'm just the wake-up call. If you get past me somehow, things are gonna get a whole lot worse for you than you realize. You might wanna turn back now before things actually get ugly."

There's no sound besides the slow drip of blood to the floor of the ruined hall. Or something approximating blood at least.

"Now get lost."

GAME OVER

...You aren't getting rid of me that easily.

>RETRY

[raptured-night]

Hullo! I'm sure you've seen the recent news about Nagini by now. I'd be curious to get your thoughts?

Hi there, my friend!

First, let me start by apologizing for being slow to respond to this ask. When the news of Nagini first broke, I made a conscious decision not to comment and assert “my opinion” right away. Fandom dinosaur that I am, I’ve been around long enough to recognize that a common response when issues of racism or offensive representation are brought up is that too many of us white fans presume we can jump in to either explain (i.e. whitesplain) why “we” don’t see a problem or we try to go on the defensive in some fashion or form and accuse the people who are trying to draw attention to the issue of making fandom more “divisive” by being too “sensitive” or “just looking for something to criticize/be angry about.” As a rule, and because I do believe that a conscious effort to promote intersectionality belongs in all our social interactions, including but not limited to social media, I do make a point to remain silent and to pay attention to what is being said before I begin to voice any opinions of my own. Indeed, I feel that as a white woman in fandom it is important that I try to remain conscious of my privilege and the way that “my opinions” can often be given more priority and weight within fandom spaces than those of the people whose voices should be at the center of any conversations that are taking place (in this case, Asian fans of HP, specifically South Asian fans and East Asian fans). White (cis-het, etc.) fans have a very terrible habit of treating issues of racism and representation as if they were just another bit of discourse, no different than debating the relative merits of one ship or character over another, and so we weigh in as if we’re just as entitled to decide what is or is not racist, or what is or is not offensive representation as are the people whose race, culture, sexual orientation, etc. are being represented. 

However unintentional, I want to be careful that the simple act of asserting my opinion doesn’t become a tool of oppression or a measure of silencing or speaking over the voices of the people we should be listening to, first and foremost. Additionally, I often find that one’s first response to learning that something within a fandom they enjoy is being received negatively by a marginalized group and that it is offensive or harmful is to attempt to provide some kind of defense for why that isn’t the case, largely so we feel we will be able to continue to enjoy fandom content without feeling guilty or “problematic” for doing so. There is this fallacy of thought that you cannot be critical of the content you consume and also still enjoy other aspects of it that pervade within a lot of fandom spaces and it often goes hand-in-hand with the very worst examples of people using their privilege to silence or speak-over the people who should be at the center of any conversations being had (not to mention the way it contributes to the proliferation of white-feminist arguments and appeals to anti-intellectual rhetoric that would discourage any critical analysis of the content we consume by framing it as an act of hostility, censorship, or “reverse-oppression/divisiveness”). That being said, having taken my time to consider how best to respond to your ask, I do believe I’m better equipped to give what I hope will be an informed and thoughtful response to your question @idealistic-realism00 .

To begin with, I would like to highlight a very important point that @fandomshatepeopleofcolor  recently made and one that I have been seeing with some frequency as well. That is, the issue of people conflating criticism of Nagini that is independent of her in-universe portrayal in the Fantastic Beasts franchise with an in-universe critique. Often, a person may be arguing one issue only to have their argument derailed by in-universe focused defenses of Nagini that hold no real bearing on the larger implications out-of-universe (i.e. the real-world connotations) of Rowling’s or the movie’s choices in terms of casting or representation present us with. Ultimately, the problem in this approach should be self-evident, as it does become easier (even when that isn’t someone’s deliberate intention) to invalidate, dismiss, or ignore the valid criticisms that are being discussed and, I do believe, should be discussed within the Harry Potter fandom. Ultimately, if one person is focused on criticising the decision from a larger, non-fictional context and the other person is debating the merits or demerits for any of the decisions or backstory we do have in-universe then you have two people having two very different conversations. 

As such, I would like to begin by breaking up the critique of Nagini into two parts. I’ll begin first by focusing on the out-of-universe issues that are being discussed and why I do agree that they are not only valid but important for us (especially those of us who are not Asian and who do not have any of the learned or firsthand experience with the racism or racial microaggressions that Asian people face daily) to not only examine and reflect on but to also acknowledge for their real-world connotations without allowing our (i.e. white/non-Asian HP fans) own biases or privileges to convince us that we get to be/should be the deciding vote on what is or is not racist, offensive, or harmful to other people in our fandom. Once I have accomplished that, only then will I attempt to explore and highlight some of the core issues with Nagini’s in-universe portrayal (based on what information we have so far) that have been raised by those whose voices should be most central to this discussion and criticized as racially offensive, potentially sexist, and/or characteristic of poor representation. 

So, let me begin by addressing one of the leading arguments that I have seen against any criticism of Nagini and its fallacy. The insistence that we do not already have enough existing information to form an impression about what kind of representation Nagini might bring (i.e. good or bad,  harmless or harmful, inoffensive or offensive) or to acknowledge racially offensive connotations in her characterization. I support the arguments that vehemently disagree with this idea, especially as this response so insightfully observes, this notion contradicts the very purpose of releasing movie trailers, which is to formulate an opinion based on what content and what information we do have about whether we like the content based on what we have seen or if we would like to see more of it. Beyond that, as I have already said, out-of-universe critiques do not look to the in-universe content in order to arrive at a determination. It is the real-world connotations that we will be looking at and we already have a sufficient body of evidence to make a valid case for Nagini’s concept being a poor example of representation with a lot of racist overtones. 

Case-in-point, we know from what information Rowling has provided us with that she claims to have had this twist for Nagini in mind for twenty years and that she chose the name Nagini because of the connection to the Naga mythology, which she solely credits as having originated in Indonesia when, as has been pointed out to me, the Naga mythology originated in India and then spread throughout South Asia where it evolved with the different cultures. Now, a second argument I have seen circulating is that any attempt to critique Rowling’s writing or the franchise she has built constitutes as an unwarranted or vicious attack against her or should be relegated to the same corners of fandom hate as the antis who send people death threats. I would counter that this is nothing more than a further effort to silence inconvenient (and necessary) criticism and conversations and impose on fandom a laissez-faire attitude that can only further advantage the privileged members of fandom (i.e. white/non-Asian) over those who should be central to this issue. Moreover, the defense or “plea of ignorance” appeal that Rowling merely didn’t know what she was doing, didn’t mean to cause harm, or should be given yet another chance to grow is yet another argument in favor of privilege (not unlike the Affluenza Teen we are, quite literally, arguing that because Rowling is white and privileged we should excuse her inability to accurately and inoffensively represent other races and their cultures) and prioritizes what we believe Rowling’s “intentions” were over the impact that poor and/or racist representation and appropriation can have on the people who are being offensively reflected in her body of work. 

As this response by @diaryofanangryasianguy illustrates, it only makes us (re: white/non-Asian) complicit in supporting racist, colonial mindsets that permit a wealthy, white author to not only appropriate from the culture of another race and misrepresent them and/or their origins but to also profit from that misrepresentation. Furthermore, the argument can be made that this latest instance with Nagini only supports a pattern on Rowling’s part, one which this poster illustrates, of incorporating other races or cultures into her series and either misrepresenting them (e.g. her offensive use of Native American skinwalkers, spirit animals, and the very fact she portrayed Native American magic-practitioners as being less skilled or educated than their European counterparts until someone from Europe educated them on wands and their use, which harkens to Imperialist and colonialist thinking) or improperly crediting them. Indeed, Rowling has even insisted in interviews that when she uses mythological creatures in her world, she does attempt to conduct thorough research. Notably, when crafting her in-universe mythology for the “obscure” hippogriff, Rowling can be quoted as saying:

“But you’re right, yes, children, they know, obviously, they know that I didn’t invent unicorns, but I’ve had to explain frequently that I didn’t actually invent hippogriffs. Although a hippogriff is quite obscure, I went looking, because when I do use a creature that I know is a mythological entity, I like to find out as much as I can about it. I might not use it, but to make it as consistent as I feel is good for my plot. There’s very little on hippogriffs. I could read…”

This brings me back to the main issue, which multiple people have addressed on this site and elsewhere (source, source, source, source, source), which is the glaring fact that the origins of the Naga mythology are from India although, again, they did proceed to spread through South Asia and assume unique mythological characteristics among the different South Asian cultures, including Indonesia. Which means that Rowling is not only incorporating South-Asian mythology into her opus but treating South-Asian people as if they and their culture are interchangeable by crediting only Indonesia for being the origin of the Naga mythology when, as has been pointed out, its origins can be traced to India from which is spread and took on new form as it became a part of South-Asian mythology overall. Now, if Rowling has had this twist in mind for over twenty years, as she claims, and we know that she allegedly likes to “…find out as much as [she] can about [mythology]” before she uses it then we must acknowledge that the issue and criticism is certainly valid and that is just based on what information we already have. So, I reiterate what others have said when I say that Asian people and their culture are not interchangeable and should not be treated as if they were. If Rowling can devote the time, effort, and energy into thoroughly researching mythology as obscure as the hippogriff (which has Greco-Roman origins) for her series then there is no excuse for her failure here to accurately represent the Naga mythology and to clearly communicate that she is not erasing or failing to acknowledge that while the origins of the Naga mythology may have begun in India and spread through South Asia, she is choosing to focus on Indonesia’s unique Naga mythology specifically rather than just seeming to credit their culture alone as the point of origin for the Naga myths. 

Again, just based on that information alone, we can make a valid argument that there are issues of racism and offensive representation for Nagini that have larger real-world connotations. Not all representation is good representation (e.g. see the “token” character trope where any character of a marginalized group is inserted into a primarily all-white cast for the diversity points with no interest or intention of developing the character in any complex or meaningful way), which is often taken to mean that the only kind of representation for Black characters or characters of color must be heroic. This, also, is a fallacy and it misses the point of what representation is and why it matters. Good representation is when a character is portrayed in a way that does not adhere to existing and harmful stereotypes, racist tropes, or otherwise. Importantly, a character can even be a villain and still be an example of good representation (e.g. Black Panther’s Killmonger) so long as they are written in a manner that accurately represents their race and culture and does not pander to stereotypes or racist tropes. Rowling, however, has demonstrated her lack of knowledge (and if we are to accept that she does do thorough research based on her own words, then we must even ask if she has not demonstrated a lack of interest when researching the mythology of a culture that is not Western and Euro-centric) when it comes using South Asian mythology in a way that does not give the impression she is overlooking, misattributing the origins of, or erasing the cultural contributions of one South Asian people (i.e. Indian) while claiming to have drawn inspiration from another (i.e. Indonesian). Especially because, in-so-doing, she does become guilty of cultural erasure. 

The reality is that Rowling is a white author who, courtesy of her wealth, also has access to a greater number of resources available to her than the average fan-fiction writers, many of whom do often seek out Brit-pickers and sensitivity-readers to beta-read their fan fiction when they make no profit off of their efforts outside of reader-feedback. According to Rowling, she will take the time to thoroughly research obscure mythology, like that on the hippogriff, and she also claims to have written her series with the deliberate intention of interweaving an allegory of anti-prejudice, anti-racism, and anti-discrimination into her books (something I’ve also been critical of in discussions for what I believe is a failure of her narrative to convincingly acknowledge that prejudice and racism are systemic issues and not just a matter of extremes), yet when it comes to taking the time and making the effort to provide her readers with correct and accurate portrayals of a mythology from a culture that is not her own (i.e. Western and Euro-centric), we continue to see examples of poor, inaccurate, offensive, or appropriative representation. As others have pointed out, when issues of representation are brought to her by her fans (no matter how politely or informatively they are worded, as yet another defense for Rowling’s liberal use of the block feature and defensiveness towards any kind of criticism is that she is protecting herself from angry fans who threaten her which, while certainly understandable, should still not be an excuse to ignore all critical feedback or refuse to, as some fans insist we allow her to do, take the time to reassess her choices and grow) Rowling does not acknowledge any validity in those complaints, she does not apologize if communities feel her portrayal of them and their culture is harmful, offensive, or appropriative. What she does do is double-down on the “rightness” of her stance, reference her activism as if it was a shield/get out of jail free card that balances everything out and excuses her from any further criticism, and defends herself against her fans from a position of greater (white) privilege to the effect that often those (marginalized) fans who try to bring their issues to her attention are then subjected to harassment and threats themselves (sometimes even pushed out of their own fandom).  

I do not believe there is anything wrong or contradictory in the idea that fans of the Harry Potter franchise can both enjoy her world and be critical of it. More to the point, I do not believe there is anything wrong or contradictory in the idea that fans of the Harry Potter franchise can both enjoy her world and be critical of Rowling’s creative choices, her response to instances of valid criticism especially as they concern the issue of representation or racism, or even how those responses might influence one’s perception of her politics and/or ideology as a feminist or social advocate (i.e. it’s not “wrong” or an example of being a “hater” to have these conversations and ask ourselves if Rowling isn’t an example of white feminism, or if she isn’t failing to address her own privilege, or if she isn’t a teaching-lesson for white writers, a category of which I count myself among, and what not to do). In fact, I will always support the willingness to critically approach the content that we consume and I firmly believe that it is important if we are to call ourselves advocates or allies to always be mindful and aware of our own privileges and how they may influence our perspectives as content-consumers (speaking as an intersectional social justice advocate, an academician whose field depends heavily on critical thinking and analysis, and someone who could be said to be “anti” anti-intellectualism, exegesis is vital to human understanding and empathy). 

Which brings me to yet another glaring out-of-universe issue of representation; one that is also very specific to Nagini’s portrayal in the film. The character of Nagini, which was based on South Asian mythology (although Rowling claims to have based her canon on the Indonesian Naga mythology specifically), will be played by Claudia Kim, who is a South Korean actress. So, now we have an issue of South Asian mythology being conflated with East Asian mythology in the film (something which, I want to be clear, should not be seen as a criticism of Claudia Kim or an attack on her, as she is not the issue, the people who made the decision to cast her over an Indian actress are). Once again, Asian people and their culture are not interchangeable and should not be treated as such, and when you do that it is an example of racism and racial microaggression (it is NEVER good representation). This is why I do agree with the people who are pointing out that the casting-choice could be criticized for its erasure and potential colorism, especially as Korea has its own unique snake mythology. For this reason, I do believe that fans (especially those whom Nagini is now supposed to “represent”) do have a perfectly valid reason to view the film with a critical eye and that we should be asking why they opted not to cast an actress in the role of Nagini who is Indonesian if Rowling is going to be using Indonesian Naga mythology. Again, just based on this information alone, we can look at the latest Fantastic Beasts film and acknowledge that the criticism coming from some segments of the Harry Potter fandom is more than valid and there are issues of representation present.

To summarize, we can now make a case for offensive representation and racism on two points, just based off what we already know from interviews and the trailer. First, there is the issue of the way that Rowling specifically seems to credit the Naga mythology as having originated from Indonesia alone when that is not entirely accurate (i.e. it came from India and spread to different cultures in South Asia), which is a form of erasure by failing to clarify that she is using Indonesia Naga mythology for Nagini but that the Naga mythology is not just from Indonesia. This, despite the fact that Rowling claims to have been considering this twist for Nagini for twenty-years (in fact she claims it was the inspiration for naming the character Nagini ) and that she typically does a lot of research before incorporating mythology into her canon. Secondly, there is the issue of the film casting a South-Korean actress to play a character that has its mythological origins in South-Asian culture when Claudia Kim is from East-Asia, which opens the film up to further criticism for its erasure and colorism. 

For these reasons (among the many obvious), I do not believe it is the place of any white/non-Asian fan of the Harry Potter series to attempt to assert that there is nothing racist, offensive, appropriative, or harmful in the way of representation in Nagini’s characterization as it is. While I do not doubt that opinions vary even within the different Asian communities where Nagini is concerned (a fact that I do acknowledge as I have been quietly following the discourse to the best of my abilities for as broad of an understanding as I can have) that is very much a intra-community conversation that I, as a white fan, have no place interjecting myself into. Rather, I will continue to argue that it is not my place or the place of any other white/non-Asian fan of the series to presume that I/we get to decide or cast the final vote on whether or not Nagini’s representation is racist, offensive, appropriative, bad representation or speak over Asian fans who do feel that it is because “my Asian friend/this Asian person in fandom says it’s not an issue so that makes it acceptable for me to tell every Asian person criticizing this choice that they and their feelings are wrong.”

Moving on, now I will begin to examine some of the in-universe criticism of Nagini’s characterization just based on what information we do currently have. I would like to begin with one of the most common complaints, which is that Voldemort is a “Nazi” and connecting an Asian woman to a Nazi is racist in-and-of-itself. However, I think a clarification first needs to be made whenever these arguments surface (and in general when it comes to our discourse around fictional Death Eaters and Voldemort’s ideology or character) so that we can avoid falling into Godwin’s Law rhetoric, which does effectively trivialize the trauma and experiences of victims of Nazi ideology and white supremacy by reducing it down to an inadequate fictional comparison. That should not be our intention, and we should take care to distinguish between the argument that Rowling wrote Voldemort and his Death Eaters with certain parallels in mind to Nazis and white supremacists (something which can also be open to criticism as to how effectively Rowling managed to convey those parallels) and “Voldemort was a Nazi!” No, he was not, he is a fictional character and we should not be responding as if a fictional character is as terrible or even comparable to actual Nazis and the real atrocities and harm they have committed (and continue to commit or perpetuate) to Jewish people, Romani people, Black people, peoples of color, and lgbtq+ people. 

That being said, we can argue that Rowling has said she has written parallels between Voldemort and his Death Eaters to Nazis and white supremacists in her construction of blood prejudice (I tend to be critical of this for the fact that she has constructed the DE to represent something of an all-purpose social commentary on any/all form(s) of prejudice, which effectively strips the different forms that prejudice can take within different communities of their nuance and systemic structures while also establishing a type of prejudice that we mostly see represented by having middle-class white characters like Lily Evans-Potter as the target or, at best, racially ambiguous but still middle-class characters like Hermione Granger; this while she also handwaves real-world examples of racism and prejudice any of her existing Black, POC, or lgbtqa+ characters could face by declaring those are solely Muggle failings, which contradicts her own message given that suggests Muggle-born children simply come into that world without those prejudices or lose them via assimilation and the necessary casting off of Muggle identity-politics and social precepts, negative or positive). As Rowling does allege that a parallel was her intention, then we do need to take such a parallel into consideration and the implications of that pre-established parallel to this new revelation about Nagini. As has already been observed, the fetishization of Asian women by white supremacist men is very much an issue. When Asian women are fetishized by white supremacist men for stereotypes of submissiveness or hypersexuality and Rowling presents us with an Asian woman (one who, I reiterate, is going to be portrayed by an East Asian actress instead of a South Asian actress in the film) who has become the inhuman pet to a character she wrote to parallel certain Nazi and white supremacist ideology it is valid for fans to respond to that critically and to be offended or concerned. 

Once again, I would like to address a further fallacy in the argument that we should or must wait for the film before we attempt any criticism because we lack sufficient information. The fact is, while we may currently be unaware of the full details of Nagini’s experience in Fantastic Beasts, we already have a large body of existing information about what happens to Nagini after those films in the Harry Potter series. We know what happens to her, we know how she dies, and we already have enough information to reflect critically on how these new details about her being an Asian woman alter our perception of her relationship to Voldemort and within the Harry Potter series. For instance, Voldemort draws strength from Nagini by “milking her” venom (i.e. a lot of jokes are circulating and there are assumptions that she was literally milked for actual milk but, speaking as a former snake-owner and snake-lover, when someone says they’re going to milk a snake that means it is venomous and that they’re milking their fangs for their venom), he implants a portion of his soul into her and makes her into his vessel as well as his pet, and whether or not he has control/command over her or she aligns herself with him we still have one of two issues to consider: Voldemort is either forcing her submission or Nagini is offering it willingly, which could play into stereotypes of the fetishized, submissive Asian woman. Also, for the sake of preempting any argument that Voldemort may not have known what Nagini was, let us not forget that he was a Parseltongue and was canonically shown to be able to converse with her.  

There is a lot of discourse circulating that this could be interesting or that Nagini could still be made into a sympathetic villain in the movie. The problem that arises with these arguments is the fact that Fantastic Beasts is a prequel to an existing series. One which Nagini as a character was, narratively speaking, already previously established as unsympathetic and a monster (one who we now can argue became a cannibal given she liked Voldemort to feed her people, a detail that could also be scrutinized for the way it might harken to Imperialist stereotypes, many of which still proliferate, about Asian medicinal practices and cuisine that were often cited as supporting cannibalism or, even today, joked about in terms of the offensive “Asian people eat weird things like cats, har har” stereotype). As a result, Rowling’s narrative in her Harry Potter series was structured to support a specific and intentional perception of Nagini, which Fantastic Beasts can either contradict, attempt to subvert, or support. The problem is that Rowling’s own information already suggests that she will be contradicting her own pre-established canon. Especially as she has already demonstrated a contradiction in attempting to make the South Asian Naga mythology fit into the Western fantasy motif that the Maledictus curse presents us with. As she describes the Maledictus curse in her own words, “The Maledictus carries a blood curse from birth, which is passed down from mother to daughter.” Indeed, the origin of the Latin prefix of Mal can be translated to mean “bad,” “wrongful” or “ill” while the Latin Dictus means “spoken,” so that, when combined, you can have a meaning roughly along the lines of “spoken ill of,” or “cursed.”

This differs drastically from the different Naga mythologies of South-Asian culture, in that the Naga (males) or Nagin/Nagini (females) were typically described as divine or semi-divine deities who typically dwelled in Patala and could assume a human-form, a serpent form, or a half-human and half-serpent form respectively (please note that while I do make a point to study mythology from different cultures in order to better recognize the significance of their iconography and symbolism in any of my literary analyses, I do acknowledge that there may be people on this site who are better informed than me on Naga mythology because it is specific to their culture and I would invite anyone who would like to provide additional context or corrections who may know more to do so if they feel the need or desire). As such, the Naga were not depicted as tragically cursed women or, in Nagini’s case, women with the potential to become venomous, cannibalistic, monsters as the Maledictus curse would suggest. Ultimately, Rowling’s claim that she drew her inspiration from the Naga in defense of Nagini implies that she either does not understand and did not bother to research Naga mythology thoroughly, was merely making the suggestion to defend Nagini in context of the criticism she received, or has intentionally taken South-Asian mythology and portrayed it in a way where it is a “blood curse” versus a source of divinity and Naga are relegated to the role of tragic-figures and/or monsters rather than deities. Indeed, one could argue that if Rowling wanted to introduce Naga mythology into her series then she could have easily done so, absent of Nagini, or she could have introduced the concept of the Maledictus curse through other characters aside from Nagini and written her as a proper and accurate representation of the Indonesian Naga mythos in such a way where she could be both a villain and escape from being either a stereotype or a source of appropriation. 

Moreover, I believe that this response highlights a very good point about the sexism inherent in Rowling’s use of the fantasy motif of a blood curse specific to women and Rowling’s failure to properly subvert it as a result of her established canon for Nagini in the Harry Potter series and I would go even further to observe that it can not only be read as potentially sexist but also racist due to the additional context of Nagini being an Asian woman. Overall, we can read her as a woman with “cursed blood” that will make her inhuman (i.e. gradually dehumanize her) and once she has become inhuman she will eventually be distinguished throughout the Harry Potter series as the subservient and dangerous pet that Voldemort uses as a vessel for his soul and to fulfill his agenda (among which blood purity is a motive, even if it is not the sole motive for his actions in the series). By the end of the series, Nagini dies by beheading as an evil and inhuman creature whose death we cheer and whose slayer we champion (however much I adore Neville, he still remains a white, European, pure-blood wizard) as a hero in a chiastic parallel to Harry versus the Basilisk. 

Further, to reiterate a point made in the post I have linked above, even if Rowling was to have not opted to subvert the existing themes within the “women with cursed blood” motif in order to make it into an intentional social commentary on misogyny then this intention is effectively undermined in the film solely by the fact that they continue to support the casting of an actor (i.e. Depp) in the role of a titular character (i.e. Grindelwald) who has a history of violence against women and who Rowling and the film’s producers continue to defend. A fact that does tend to make any such defenses or claims that Nagini may simply be meant to function as a social commentary on misogyny ring insincere. Rather, I would argue, it does just seem like an excuse to dodge any further criticism about racism, appropriation, or poor representation when proposed by either fans, Rowling, or film affiliates. As the poster I have linked to above illustrates, “a critical commentary of misogyny in your own work of fiction is ultimately meaningless if it is acted out by a man who beats women in real life.” 

Not to mention, any social commentary that Rowling could otherwise have made by utilizing this motif without attempting to subvert it does ultimately fail in this context because the existing Harry Potter series arguably does not make a convincing case for representing the unique way that an Asian woman’s experience with misogyny would also intersect with her experience of racism. Thus, Rowling is still guilty of using a motif that is an example of a form of misogyny white, Western women experience without considering the additional implications for this motif (i.e. a blood curse) when it is applied to an Asian woman and the additional steps she would have needed to take in order to provide the reader with an accurate social commentary that clearly communicates a condemnation of the unique stereotypes, racism, fetishization, and misogyny an Asian woman would experience. Further, this cannot just be accomplished retroactively by revealing a new aspect of her story twenty-odd years later in her newest film franchise. 

For Nagini’s characterization to be viewed as a legitimate, defensible, and intended social commentary Rowling would also have needed to show this in the main body of the Harry Potter series up to the very point of her death. Which Rowling does not effectively do, largely because her narrative “as is” does not enforce any such reading or “ah-ha!” moment independently of the Fantastic Beast franchise and it’s reveal of who Nagini is (and we cannot say Rowling is just unskilled at writing subtly or at writing big, plot-twisting reveals because Snape’s character arc, whether one likes him or hates him, does stand as a point of contrast and a testament to the fact that she is). Moreover, Nagini’s costume design in the film only furthers the issue of racial insensitivity, as it does seem to heavily play to Western stereotypes of the East Asian “Dragon Lady.” As this post already thoroughly demonstrates this point and goes into some detail on what the “Dragon Lady” trope entails, I will merely voice my agreement with their assessment and acknowledge that, in combination with the film’s decision to cast an East Asian actress in lieu of a South Asian actress, I do think that a valid case can be made for not just racism and colorism but also fetishization in how Nagini seems to harken to the Western media portrayals of the East Asian “Dragon Lady” femme fatale (who are typically characterized as hypersexual, exotic, mysterious, and dangerous). 

Now, in addition to any parallels to Nazism or white supremacy, I would also argue that Rowling draws a clear parallel between Voldemort and a Satan/Lucifer archetype (a strong case can also be made for Harry as a Christ-figure, Dumbledore as a God-figure, and Snape as a subverted Judus archetype). Indeed, we know that Rowling has said herself that Christianity and its themes were a heavy source of influence in the Harry Potter series. Notably, Christmas specifically is the holiday that we see celebrated (versus Hanukkah, Kwanza, or even the pagan holiday Saturnalia, etc.) at Hogwarts and when Harry overhears carols being sung in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire they are Christian Christmas carols (which, again, presents us with a contradiction in her world-design when it comes to Muggle social structures and their transference to the wizarding society by having Christian influences present while handwaving complicated issues of racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, etc. as strictly a Muggle problem). I bring this up because it further supports my point above that Rowling’s original series does not communicate an awareness or intent to incorporate social commentary on the specific misogyny or racism an Asian woman would experience.

Notably, the Harry Potter series could be said to have been written with a very Western-minded emphasis on a type of serpent iconography that did more firmly align with Christian perceptions of snakes as subjects and/or harbingers of evil, corruption and/or a fall from grace, disease, and sin. This contrasts with the South Asian mythology of the Naga (and other examples of Asian snake mythology and iconography), in that snakes are not necessarily viewed as creatures that are inherently malevolent to humans or representative of extreme, negative connotations to the same degree that they are in Western-Christian mythology. The Naga, for instance, is said to be capable of being dangerous and it is quite venomous, however, in many South Asian myths they are frequently shown not to be malicious or hostile to humans unless they are forced to be. One could argue that Rowling may intend to draw from this bit of the Naga mythology and that it may have inspired her to craft a more sympathetic origin story for Nagini, wherein she becomes evil and dangerous because humanity forced her, yet the issue remains that, rather than presenting us with an accurate portrayal of the Naga as a magical creature in the franchise, Nagini is a Maledictus whose blood curse far more accurately aligns with the Western/Christian associations to serpent iconography and symbolism (i.e. corruption, disease, evil, and sin). 

So, either we accept that Rowling has been planning this twist for Nagini all along and that we can return to her main opus of the Harry Potter series and find strong evidence that supports her intentions for Fantastic Beasts. Which would mean also acknowledging that Rowling has, subsequently, attempted to insert her Western-Christian serpent iconography and symbolism onto the existing South Asian Naga mythology in an act that would be highly inappropriate and appropriative (a white, Western woman blending only components of South Asian myths that she likes with a Western mythos that presents snakes as inherently evil to create an Asian character like Nagini is the very definition of Imperialist thinking and white privilege; we may as well wade deep into The Last Samurai or Memoirs of a Geisha territory). Or, we admit that this latest incarnation of Nagini is, quite likely, not the product of twenty-years of planning so much as it is yet another example of retroactive world-building and canon ret-conning that we’ve already seen via Pottermore for years now (in fact, Fonda Lee wrote a very solid critique on this point that I thoroughly agree with). In which case, we do still have to acknowledge that Nagini was likely written into the Harry Potter series to align with themes, motifs, and allegories that were very intentionally inspired by Christianity and that do represent a serpent iconography and symbolism that carries very different connotations in that respect. 

I would argue that any consideration of Nagini’s character “in-universe” cannot be divorced entirely from her relationship to Voldemort and the Western-Christian inspired allegory that Rowling wrote into the Harry Potter series without one’s critique being regarded as either incomplete or disingenuous. Especially as Nagini, as we have known her in canon so far, was so thoroughly intertwined and connected to Voldemort’s character that she not only became his vessel but an additional window through which Harry (and the reader) could view into Voldemort’s mind and glean some of his intentions. We cannot ignore or overlook that Voldemort’s own character functions as a Lucifer-Satan archetype and that the snake motif, as it is assigned to him and his Death Eaters/followers, is wholly focused on embodying Christian concepts of corruption, evil, sin, disease, etc. Notably, Voldemort is portrayed in his youth as charismatic but deceitful and wicked (traits recognized by Dumbledore alone, our God archetype); he bitterly loathes his father (not unlike Lucifer) and his origins and one could argue that his paternal resentment motivates much of his anti-Muggle agenda (just as Lucifer’s aims are to undermine God, his father, in Christian theology) while his primary goal to obtain immortality for himself again harkens to Lucifer and his banishment from heaven (indeed that the Riddle household was once quite wealthy and affluent and yet Voldemort grew up in an orphanage is symbolic of a heaven/hell dichotomy). 

Just as Lucifer becomes Satan and is associated with certain marks (e.g. the “Mark of the Beast”) and symbols (e.g. inverted crosses and, later, pentagrams), Tom Riddle becomes Lord Voldemort and is recognized by his Dark Mark and the symbols of serpents, Death Eater masks, and so on. During the first war, we are told he amassed a large following, and that Dumbledore is the one person he feared and could rival him in power. Further, it is by his own pride and inability to understand love that he falls when an infant-son is born who is prophesied to be the savior/Chosen One. As Lucifer is in Biblical scripture, however, Voldemort is only temporarily vanquished (a detail, yet again, known only to Dumbledore and imparted to Snape, our subverted Judus archetype) and for him to truly be defeated “The Boy Who Lived” must sacrifice himself willingly and in an act of love that renders Voldemort powerless and solidifies Harry as a Christ-figure. In particular, because he rises from the dead following a brief meeting with Dumbledore in the afterlife. Also similar to Lucifer, Voldemort was said to have been handsome in his youth but it is significant that as he descended further into darkness, especially upon his return to power, his features became more serpentine. This effectively enabled Rowling to foreshadow the fact that Voldemort, like Lucifer, would fall to pride and evil as a creature of sin “cursed” to “roam the Earth on his belly” as in the Creation Myth of Christian theology found in the Book of Genesis. As such, the fact that Voldemort can, quite literally, occupy the mind of Nagini (a woman who very literally becomes a serpent by a “blood curse”) and that she could be said to be his most “prized pet/possession” (not unlike Dr. Evil and his iconic white cat, Nagini functions as something close to a signifier in her relationship to Voldemort in the Harry Potter books) all assume far different connotations for the fact that Nagini also becomes an identifiable agent of evil most closely connected to Western-Christian iconography and serpent mythology versus the South-Asian Naga mythology in-and-of-itself. 

Inevitably, when conversations of representation occur within fandom one presumption seems to be that any representation should be read as good representation. As I have already addressed some of the fallacy behind this line of thinking above and provided links to discussions that better detail the difference between representation and appropriation and why some forms of representation can be harmful I will only highlight another issue with Nagini as a source of representation, one which this poster further illustrates as well. That is, the fact that Nagini represents what is already only a very small sample of Asian characters within Rowling’s series. First, we have Cho Chang; a character that Rowling has often been (rightly I feel) criticized for due to the name she chose for her (as this video breaks down thoroughly for how offensive it is), especially as it is a Korean surname for a Chinese name, and for her characterization given that her portrayal mainly identifies her as a romantic conquest/infatuation for Harry and then an inconvenient, annoying, and far-less-perfect-than-he-idealized-her-to-be girlfriend for Harry to discard before moving on to Ginny. We have the Patil sisters, Pavarti and Padma who are also portrayed as either silly (e.g. Pavarti and Lavender are both characterized this way for their love of Divinations) shallow (e.g. in contrast to the film, Pavarti is shown to be jealous and catty towards Hermione when she sees her dressed up and with Victor Krum) or one-dimensional (e.g. also in contrast to the film, Padma is in Ravenclaw and featured less) and they are also notably used (i.e. they are the last resorts for Harry and Ron when the women they desired turned them down and they still needed dates) then cast aside by Harry and Ron at the Yule Ball while they both jealously fixated and brooded on the women they did want to go with. 

Beyond this, we are told that there is a wizarding school in Asia “with the smallest student body of the eleven great wizarding schools” from Pottermore (the details of which also appear to be a blend of primarily of East Asian culture and East Asian stereotypes that seem to be drawn from Western “Orientalist” ideas of East Asian culture). Notably, while Rowling does echo the one-magical-school system she used for Hogwarts, Durmstrang, and Beaubaxtons I would argue that, as with criticism for the-one-magical-school idea for a U.S. magical school, this system is decidedly more impractical and problematic in this context. Largely because a single magical school for all of Asia reflects short-sightedness when it comes to the sheer diversity and geographical scope of what “all of Asia” would imply (i.e. Asian people are not all one big conglomerate and their cultures should not be treated as interchangeable). In addition to that, the fact that Mahoutokoro is said to have the smallest student body when “all of Asia” would be such a large geographical area to cover does raise questions as to why it is the Asian wizarding school that is portrayed as potentially more inferior or less populated. Thus, we are again confronted with an example of representation for Asian people that more than merits criticism and scrutiny in Rowling’s wizarding world. Finally, the name that Rowling chose for her magical school in Asia literally just translates to “magic place/site/spot” ( 魔法 or mahō can mean sorcery, magic, or witchcraft while 所 or tokoro can mean place, site, or spot), which does not suggest a lot of time spent ruminating on either a creative name or a culturally respectful backstory and design for Asia’s one magical school.

Which brings me back to Nagini and the argument that we should not treat the fact she is an Asian character who is a Maledictus as automatically offensive or poor representation when it could be interesting. Beyond all the reasons I have already provided for why it is still an issue and that we should respect that members of the Asian community have valid reasons to be offended and/or critical (i.e. that the Maledictus curse contradicts Rowling’s claim Nagini is to be based on South Asian mythology, that Rowling has imposed Western-Christian themes and allegories into her main series that overwrites or complicates South-Asian serpent myths for Nagini due to how she has connected her to Voldemort in her series, that the fantasy trope of women with cursed blood has its origins in motifs that are inherently misogynistic and any social commentary it could have provided would need to have been written with an awareness of the way Nagini’s own experiences with misogyny would intersect with her race, etc.) the limited sample of Asian representation that Rowling has already included in her series and her wider wizarding world and the objectionable nature of even that small sample we do have is yet another reason why I do agree that criticism of this latest development with Nagini is more than valid –it’s justified. 

Moreover, because our first introduction to the concept of the Maledictus in the Harry Potter canon will come through Nagini, a character whose canonical future and death we already know from the Harry Potter series, a specific impression is being set (as @somuchanxietysolittletime notes here). Notably, when fans criticize Rowling for retroactively revealing that Dumbledore was a gay character one of the many valid arguments I see being made is to the fact that Dumbledore’s relationship to Grindelwald seemingly being followed by a lifetime of celibacy can actually carry problematic connotations in terms of how it might represent lgbtq+ relationships. Indeed, the suggestion that Dumbledore as a young man have been “seduced” down a “dark path” by another charismatic man only to be “redeemed” or made “good” again by rejecting that path (and Grindelwald by necessity) only for him to have never been shown to have had any other healthy male/male relationships in the series does carry dangerous connotations in terms of negative representation for the lgbtq+ community (source, source, source). I make this point in order to argue that when there is a lack of representation or a very small sample to reference from, then the nature of that representation becomes even more critical. In a Harry Potter series that had multiple examples of lgbtq+ relationships ranging from healthy to dysfunctional, Dumbledore’s relationship to Grindelwald and then relative isolation would be less of an issue and could be read as Rowling likely intended (i.e. Dumbledore’s guilt, grief, and fear lead him to isolate himself from forming any other romantic connections after Grindelwald and the death of Ariana). 

Likewise, in a Harry Potter franchise that contained several examples of characters with the Maledictus curse, ranging from good to evil to something more complex, then having Nagini as “just another” Maledictus could be treated to less scrutiny if Rowling also had also included more examples of nuanced and diverse Asian characters that were not offensively stereotyped or racist and if Rowling’s representation of Nagini as a Maledictus also took into consideration that a Maledictus is a concept disparate from Indonesian Naga mythology and should be treated as such. Or, as I previously argued, Rowling could have just introduced Nagini as a proper Naga from the very beginning and that would have been very interesting and could have allowed for either a sympathetic villain’s backstory (e.d. Nagini experiences the Imperialist attitudes of European wizarding society in how they subjugate the beings they classify as magical creatures and is treated poorly enough as a Naga caged in a circus that she is forced into malevolence, which would be actual social commentary if done correctly and mindfully) or one that is simply villainous barring we also had other diverse characterizations of Asian characters in the series that made it so one of the few South-Asian inspired characters isn’t just portrayed as a monster or a stereotype. Either way, the fact that Nagini is the very first Maledictus we will begin to build our framework of reference from and that she is one of a few Asian characters within the entire Harry Potter series, not to mention one who was previously only portrayed as just a venomously evil snake-monster that “belonged” to Voldemort (our erstwhile Satan allegory and nod to Nazism and white supremacy), does carry different connotations and I do believe we (i.e. white/non-Asian fans) should actually listen to the people who are saying this is not good representation and stop explaining/whitesplaining to them why it is or why it maybe-kinda-possibly-could be. 

I have to agree with Fonda Lee in believing that Rowling likely has not spent the past twenty-years planning for this new information about Nagini to drop in a franchise she likely had not even planned to create at that point. Nor do I think that she planted any strong evidence, examples of foreshadowing, or indications in her main text to the fact that Nagini could have been a Maledictus. Aside from her name, which I would theorize Rowling chose not because she wanted to legitimately incorporate Naga mythology into her work so much as she wanted to reference it in Nagini’s name, there is little-to-nothing to suggest that Rowling wrote Nagini into her Harry Potter series with a mind for her being either human or Asian. Indeed, Voldemort originally claimed that he discovered Nagini in Albania which, while not a definitive confirmation that those were her intended origins, could still be read that way. Speaking as someone who writes and someone who has done my share of editing work, I do think this is a case of expanding what has become a very lucrative and popular franchise and for what I feel may be all the wrong reasons (i.e. profit). In my humble opinion, this latest from Rowling isn’t a convincing example of a writer’s effort to lovingly build on her world for her fans because it’s far too careless, contradictory, and hamfisted (especially in terms of mythological research) when compared to the original series. Structurally, Harry Potter was written with a very explicit chiastic design that did require a great deal of attention-to-detail, foreshadowing, and careful planning on Rowling’s part to effectively achieve. For all that her work was not faultless, during the 90s it was still arguably sophisticated for a YA series. Unfortunately, Rowling’s attempts at adding to her world within the last few years have demonstrated a lack of evolution on her part when it comes to what passes for progressive writing or thinking (e.g. from a critical standpoint, the themes that may have been read as feminist in Harry Potter during the 90s would now be read as borderline anti-feminist and her latest inclusions to her canon are representative of further reductive or even regressive, white-feminist thinking), at least from what I can see. 

So, speaking simply from the experience of a writer, someone with some editing experience, and as someone with my degree(s) in literary criticism and theory/English Rowling’s new canon for Nagini is very transparently new canon and not even very well planned out new canon. However, when it comes to “my opinion” on whether Nagini’s portrayal is racist, appropriative, or offensive in terms of representation I don’t think it should matters half as much as the opinions of the Asian fans of Harry Potter that Rowling’s work is supposed to be representing. That being said, I also choose to support those fans and I hope that I have managed to effectively keep their voices and arguments central to this response as I do acknowledge that it is not my place, my right, or my business to decide what is or is not racist, offensive, or appropriative to other races and cultures outside of my own (i.e. I don’t get a vote). Instead, I opted to try to first listen to what was being said and highlight some of the arguments that are already being made and break them down to thoroughly demonstrate why I agree with them and do believe there are more than a few valid reasons to be having these conversations about Nagini and what issues are present in her characterization. 

That being said, I would just like to close by making one final point of my own and from my own perspective. As I see it, it shouldn’t matter if there is only one reason or several reasons why Nagini’s portrayal might be offensive; if even one reason exists for people to say that her characterization is harmful, appropriative, or racist then that should be reason enough for those of us who are not a member of the Asian community to stop what we are doing and pay attention to what is being said. There is this defensive resistance within many fandoms towards doing that where we respond like we’re under attack, as if the “uwu the angry sjw puritans found something else to be unhappy with and want to take away something we love/enjoy again” mentality suddenly prevails anytime those “Hi! I’m x-person, my pronouns are x/x, and this blog supports intersectional feminism and social justice!” value statements we so proudly likely to display in our blog descriptions become a tad inconvenient for us and demand we do more than just uncritically hit reblog on any social justice posts that appear on our dashboards. We either need to stop using those (false) value statements if they’re only going to be performative and we’re going to be hypocrites when it comes time to practice what we preach, or we need to start checking our privilege and being mindful of how we respond when marginalized members of our fandoms bring issues of racism, representation, or anything else to our attention. Some of us seem to be so afraid that we’re going to be expected to boycott the films or give up Harry Potter entirely that we’re failing to do the bare minimum that the people who are criticizing Nagini’s portrayal are asking of us; that is, at least acknowledge that there are enough people who do believe there is a problem and who have provided valid reasons for why they feel there is a problem that we should be asking ourselves how we can support them as allies and as fellow fans of Harry Potter. We’re prioritizing our concerns and anxieties that we may lose something we like/enjoy over what the people most affected by Nagini’s representation stand to lose by having their culture or race misrepresented (again) in a major motion picture and popular film franchise. 

Personally, I made the choice not to pay money to see the first Fantastic Beasts film because the movie was set to open around the same time that the news broke of Johnny Depp’s abuse. As I do have very personal experience with violence against women and that is an issue that I take very seriously, when the film and Rowling chose to proceed with him in their movies and defended his continued presence in the Fantastic Beasts films that were to follow I made the conscious decision that this particular franchise within the Harry Potter world would not profit off of me. As a result, I won’t be seeing this movie in theaters either and that is my personal choice and how I choose to respond to the issues I’ve seen in these movies so far. Others may feel differently or have different (and potentially no less effective) solutions but the fact remains that we still need to be having these conversations if we’re ever to arrive at a place where conversations about racism, appropriation, and what constitutes as quality/good representation are no longer as necessary and far more commonplace. So, that is where I stand and I hope that this very lengthy response to your question is sufficient as an answer. As always, I appreciate your ask and I hope that this reply finds you well. 

Yours,

Raptured Night

Edit: It has been rightly pointed out to me that while arguing that Rowling’s answers about Nagini seem to credit and imply Indonesia alone is the origin of the Naga mythology (which erases the fact that the Naga myth did originate from India and spread through South-Asia where it was incorporated uniquely into the mythology of different South-Asian cultures), I also failed to properly credit Indonesian people for their own unique Naga mythology. While this wasn’t my intention that obviously does not matter because, reading back on what I wrote, I still did exactly that and I make no excuses for it and instead take full responsibility. When this ask was sent to me I made a point to invite anyone better informed than me to correct me or bring attention to any important detail I missed or overlooked. I did that mainly so that I could avoid doing the exact same thing that Rowling does in presuming to speak over her fans and ignore their criticism when issues of representation are brought to her attention. I have apologized to the person who was kind enough to bring this to my attention and I would also like to issue an apology here for failing to acknowledge Indonesian Naga culture when I absolutely should have. I have also corrected this post to hopefully better reflect the argument I was trying (and clearly failed) to highlight, as it had been brought to my attention on this site and elsewhere, which is that Rowling should not have communicated or suggested that the Naga mythology “came from Indonesia alone,” as it does erase the cultural significance and origins of the Naga mythology in India the way her answers have been phrased. l continue to invite commentary and criticism because, as I said, the issue of Nagini’s representation is not something I get to cast a deciding vote on and when asked my opinion I opted to essentially highlight the arguments that others have made and acknowledge their validity and the need of non-Asian fans of Harry Potter to respect that.  

[makeste]

I see, I see! So it's really the posting the photos that takes up the time, because I was wondering how you were writing the reactions and posting them and eta-ing them. I'm so happy for you liking this series!! Eventually ya'll be caught up and it's like can't wait until your reaction for here and there. One more question, who three characters do you dislike so far?

Yep, cropping the panels that I want to use and adding them to the tumblr post is the most time-consuming part. Like, it’s not too bad, but it’s a repetitive task and my mind tends to wander after a bit, so I can’t really do it for long stretches. Otherwise I’d try to do multiple chapters a day maybe.

As for the three characters I dislike, they are: Mineta, Mt. Lady, and Stain. Mineta because he’s objectively the worst and horrible and routinely attempts to demean all of the awesome female characters for the purposes of “humor”, and because his presence does absolutely nothing for the story and could easily be removed without any narrative consequence. 

Mt. Lady mainly because of shit like this mini-strip where she and Midnight are on some kind of talk show and are asked about “whether or not sexiness is needed in the hero biz.” Midnight gives a very detailed and well-thought-out answer about why she dresses the way she does, but then Mt. Lady butts in and is like “that’s just your thing isn’t it?” with this catty smile, and then she makes an underhanded remark about Midnight’s age, and basically derails the whole discussion. Like, she’s one of only two female pros that we actually see on a remotely regular basis, and her characteristics are: lazy, incompetent, and corrupt! And like Mineta, she has this tendency to drag down the characters around her as well, which is mildly infuriating. I really wanted to like her initially, but nope. Not after that.

As for the last one, Stain, I dislike him mainly because to me he’s an example of good concept/bad execution. Like, he’s supposed to be this ridiculously charismatic and intimidating villain, but in practice all he does is make crazy eyes and endlessly repeat the same four bullet points over and over again like some bratty young edgelord screaming, WAKE UP SHEEPLE!! FUCK THE SYSTEM!!! everywhere he goes. To make matters worse, it felt like they realized they weren’t quite pulling off the whole intimidation factor, so they resorted to having all of the other characters have these over-exaggerated reactions to him, like “omg! this guy!! he’s…!!!!”, and that just felt lazy and belittling. I especially didn’t like how nerfed all of the characters suddenly became at the end of that arc just so he could have his “shocking” hero moment and save Deku while they all just stared at him in awe. Just a bunch of little things like that that all added up, basically. With him though, I’ll at least acknowledge that his presence in the story is extremely necessary and serves a crucial function.

Quick side note: I always get nervous when I talk about fandom stuff I dislike, because for me personally, happy/excited rants are always more entertaining to read than angry/bitter ones. (Mostly because I see more than enough negativity in day-to-day life with the way the world is these days, so the last thing I need is to seek it out in fandom too.) So I apologize if anyone feels similarly and wasn’t necessarily looking to have complaining posts cropping up on their dash.  By and large I’m loving the series so far, and my gripes are definitely few and far between.