#I'm trying to use these as writing exercises

[pseudowho]

Random question, during any of your pregnancy’s were you ever insecure about you body, how you were acting, or any of your cravings?

Me and my fiancé were talking about plans for future kids and i’m to scared to ask anyone else. could you give me a small run through of things to expect?

Thank you so much!!

Hey! I'll answer this both as a woman who has done pregnancy and birth three times, and as an experienced midwife. I don't like the 'horror story' sharing that many women do around pregnancy; it muddies the waters, and is supremely anxiety-inducing for anyone who is pregnant while hearing it.

You need to know I could write, and have written, essays on this.

As a midwife: Pregnancy is this period of unique physiological change in your body and mind, that even when it is normal (i.e. normal symptoms, not a sign of an unwell pregnancy) can be profound and lifelong.

These normal symptoms, including but not limited to nausea and vomiting (commonly referred to as morning sickness, though present at any time of day), weight gain, swelling, congestion, mood changes, appetite changes, stretch marks, heartburn and hip/joint pain, can range from barely present/absent, to severe.

Even severe pregnancy symptoms aren't always considered abnormal unless they're making you unwell (i.e. unable to keep any food or water down).

These symptoms can be altered by many of your pre-existing conditions; your weight and general health, your lifestyle and eating habits, your exercise habits, simple dumb luck/genetics, family history, mental health and body image/dysmorphia, etc.

So in that respect, in a normal pregnancy, I have seen some women who are extremely insecure and struggling to cope with the changes to their body and mind, and some women who absolutely breeze through it like pregnancy hasn't even affected them. Nowhere on this spectrum does it ever surprise me.

So now I'll talk about the average first pregnancy. As I said...the experience varies wildly.

Early on in your pregnancy (up to about 12 weeks) often feels like you're in an utter no-man's land. You feel like healthcare professionals aren't wildly interested in you; they'll take your history and 'book' your pregnancy in from (now this is based on the UK) about 8 weeks pregnancy (please note, your 'weeks of pregnancy' aren't calculated from the moment you fall pregnant, it is calculated from the first day of your last period, so in a woman with a regular 28-30 day cycle, there usually feels like there's a 'disparity' of about 2 weeks in your dates-- there isn't, this is how we calculate it). You may have an early scan or two. Essentially, we wait to see if the pregnancy is continuing; lots of miscarriages happen in the first 8 weeks. About 1/3 of pregnancies will miscarry here, in fact.

Tiredness is real at this stage. You may feel like you want to sleep constantly. It's shit that at this stage you often feel the worst, but feel like you're also just being expected to 'get on with it'. Please ask for help. If your partner isn't an equal partner pre-pregnancy, best of luck to you. You may feel utterly useless sometimes days from exhaustion, and this is normal I'm afraid.

Mid pregnancy drags, but you're usually starting to feel a bit better. The top of your uterus doesn't even begin to rise out of your pelvic brim until about 16 weeks, and the lower part of the uterus only begins to expand and form (creating that 'pregnant' belly look) from about 28 weeks, so don't try to force a bump that simply isn't there. Lots of women are very keen to look pregnant. Just chill. It's okay if you dont. Take it easy.

You do not need to eat for two; your pregnancy uses your intake more effectively when you're pregnant. Do take pregnancy specific multivitamins though. They don't need to be expensive or fancy ones; normal store bought are generally just the same, without all the fancy packaging.

Later pregnancy (the third trimester, 28 weeks onwards), you will likely notice that tiredness creeping in again. This is where your baby is largely formed structurally, and is maturing and gaining size and weight. Please ignore any and all comments from people who look at you and announce that you will have a big/small baby. They're idiots and likely wrong. Laugh it off. Here is where you may start to notice things like heartburn, hip pain, mood changes coming back again. You're heavy, and it's harder to move, and your organs are moving out of the way to facilitate a baby. Cut yourself some slack if at all possible.

So...now to me and what I had.

As Haitch: (tw/cw: suicidal ideations) So it's now a running joke, that my body was so 'good' at pregnancy, so utterly flooded with hormones, that while I became this perfect machine for growing and birthing babies, pregnancy broke me.

I spent every waking minute of the first 16 weeks nauseous and exhausted, bone deep exhausted. I had all the usual symptoms hit hard and early. I suffered severe pelvic separation, agonising pain, and @mrhaitch had to help me up from an early stage.

Thankfully, he was exquisite pregnancy support. Full is based on him, after all.

I ended up on some pretty strong medication for my heartburn, as it was severe enough that my stomach acid was damaging my vocal chords.

Worst of all was my mental health. From 26-28 weeks, your progesterone levels boom. This is normal. But this is where we discovered that progesterone is a very bad hormone for me. I developed severe antenatal depression and anxiety, and antenatal psychosis. I was paranoid, delusional, fragile and had active suicidal ideations. I had plans on how I would end my life. This is all utterly unlike me.

With my first pregnancy, our son was born at 42 weeks after a fast, normal labour, but I don't know how I didn't end my own life towards the end of my pregnancy. With my second two, we were more on it, and my lovely colleagues induced my labours from 38 weeks, purely because my mental health was so bad.

I was watched like a hawk in pregnancy 3. We knew I would lose my mind...and sadly, I did. I was medicated but It did little to help. It was at that point (October/November 2024) that I began writing on Tumblr...and here I am.

So as I have said...lots of things you could expect.

To this day in my 13 year Midwifery career, I have seen fewer than 10 women whose mental health was affected as badly my pregnancy as mine was. So I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Phew. If you have any more specific questions, I would be happy to answer.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[fanfictiongirlie]

Marvel: Unplanned Chapter Fifteen

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First person written though)

Description:

"It says...it says it's positive doll" His voice matching mine in a quiet shaky whisper.

"Fuck... I'm pregnant?"

"Yeah doll, you're pregnant"

"Fuck" I whisper.

Rating: Explicit

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, smut, descriptions of injuries nothing gory though

Chapter Words: 2,701

Hope everyone had a good christmas (Or a good day, if you don't celebrate. Enjoy this chapter!)

A few weeks later, the day Bucky had been dreading came along, he looked up at me sadly, whilst Jamie played happily on the carpet with her toys. I was getting ready, dressed in my Avengers outfit, my custom rifle was strapped to my back, my knives strapped along my belt. It felt good, my outfit was tight against my skin, it sucked in parts of me which were less defined since having a baby, not that I minded those parts anymore. 

Bucky's eyes darkened as he watched me, he hated this, he knew how important this was for me, but he hated the idea of me leaving him and Jamie. I knew he was trying to keep his expression neutral but he sucked at that. 

"You all set? Got everything you need?" He asks, I pat along my body and smile widely at him. I was excited, I started exercising the moment it was safe too after having Jamie, so my body was ready, I needed to be back in action.  

"I have, it's a quick in and out mission, a day tops" I smile at him, hoping he'd smile back. He nods, his jaw tensing. He forced a smile, I frowned a little. 

"Yeah..okay..Just...you be careful doll, come home safe to us" He asks. 

"I promise, I'll be home before you know it" I smile leaning down to kiss his lips, I lingered for a moment, feeling my body flush as my lips touch his. I moved away and crouched down to Jamie. 

"Jamie, say bye bye to mama" I say, she looks up at me, her eyes wide and innocent, her face lighting up when she looks up at me. 

"Mama bye" She says, along with a few incoherent syllables, waving her tiny hand in a wobbly wave. 

"Love you sweet girl" I whisper, kissing her forehead for long enough she started to wiggle against me. I step away, watching the two of them for a moment, feeling my heart ache. I took a deep breath and left the room, I jogged to the mission room where Nat waited for me. She smiles when she sees me. 

"Ready?" She asks. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to focus and push away the thoughts of Bucky and Jamie. I meet Nat's gfaze, my expression determined. 

"Yeah I'm ready, let's do this" I grin, we climb into the jet and Nat gives me a run down to the mission. I listen intently as she flies the jet, it's straightforward, a simple intel mission, though I know better than to underestimate anything. I asked a few questions to clarify things when needed. I struggled a little during the mission pushing Jamie and Bucky from my thoughts, but Nat and I worked together, I loved working with her, she was my favourite mission partner. 

The mission goes easily, we get the information we need, there was a small fight, but nothing we couldn't handle, I was left with a few scratches and bruises, but I was happy to be back in the game. When we got back to the Avengers Compound, I hung up my weapons and the on sight nurse checked me over, none of my injuries were deep. A strange part of me enjoying seeing the bruises, being back on missions was something I was very excited for. 

We had been gone for two days, I was ready to see my two people. Once Nat and I finished up writing the mission report, I rushed out from the room and travelled through the compound until I reached my apartment, I opened the door seeing Bucky pacing the room, one hand stroking his beard and the other resting on his hip. 

"Miss me?" I ask as I step into the room. Bucky's eyes instantly rake over me, his expression flickers from worry as he spots the bruises and scratches over my body. He moves forward and I'm in his arms as he holds me close in his arms.

"Like crazy doll" He whispers, his arms tightening around me. 

"Oh I missed you" I whispered my voice muffled in his shoulder. 

Bucky holds me tightly, his grip bordering on possessive. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling the familiar scent. His voice is gruff when he speaks again. 

"You have no idea doll...Everything go okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

"A few scratches and bruises, nothing I couldn't handle" I answered. 

Bucky pulls back, his eyes roaming over me again, looking over the injuries I had. I watch as his jaw clenches, his protective instincts probably kicking into overdrive. 

"Oh Bucks, it was so fun, such a rush!" I grin excitedly "Now where's my girl?" 

Bucky rolls his eyes, his worry mixed with fond annoyance at my excitement over the mission. "She's in her room, down for bedtime"

"I wanna see her" I whispered, I take Bucky's hand into mine as I lead him into Jamie's bedroom. She was asleep in her crib, her tiny body wrapped up in a baby blanket. I sigh happily when I see her, I reach down to gently stroke her sleeping face. 

"Missed my girl" I whispered. 

"Not nearly as much as we missed you" Bucky whispers, his hand touching my back.

"Baby, I was fine, back to my Avengering days" I say happily as I turn to face him. Bucky lets out a huff. 

"You say that now doll, but next time you come home with more than bruises and you're laid up in bed for a week, we'l see how 'fine' you are then" He grumbles. 

"Mmmm you can wait on me then, can't you" I grin, stepping closer to him. I watch as he rolls his eyes, a reluctant smile tugging at his lips. 

"Oh is that right? You think I'm gonna be waiting on you hand and foot, doll?" He asks. 

"I know you will, you worship me" I giggle quietly, aware Jamie was still sleeping. I pull Bucky out of Jamie's room, and shut the door. 

"Damn right I do" Bucky says, his jaw clenching. "But don't get used to it, just because I can't say no to you most of the time, doesn't make you the boss of me"

"Sure Bucks" I say smirking, I move a little closer to him, pressing my lips to his neck. I hear his breath hitch, a small shiver ran through his body and he coughed slightly to hide it. But I noticed. His hands moved to rest on my hips, he held me closely. 

"Dammit doll, you always rile me up" He mutters as I nip at his neck. 

"I could always stop?" I say quietly against his skin. 

Bucky's hands tighten on my hips, pulling me flush against him, he lets out a low growl, his voice a mixture of desire and warning. 

"Don't you dare"

Suddenly he pulls me away from outside Jamie's room, and pushes me against the opposite wall. His body presses against mine as he captures my lips against his in a demanding kiss. I sigh happily into his kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. Bucky's hands gripped my hips, his fingers digging possessively into the flesh. His tongue explores my mouth, tangling with my own in a hungry, insistent dance. A low growl rumbles in his chest, his body presses into mine harder, pinning further to the wall. 

Bucky breaks the kiss and moves his lips to my jaw. 

"Gonna fuck me against this wall Bucks?" I ask breathlessly. A low, dark chuckle escapes Bucky's lips as his teeth nip against my jaw. His voice is a rough, possessive rumble, his eyes darkened with lust. 

"Damn right doll, right here, right now" 

"Fuck...yess. I love you"I groan loudly, my hands move to lift his shirt up. He yanks it from my hands and pulls it off, discarding it carelessly on the floor. He leans forward to suck marks into my neck as his hands grab my waist again, pinning me hard against the wall. 

"Fuck Bucks" I whine. 

"That's right doll, say my name" He says quietly, his metal hand moving to the waistband of my trousers. He nipped at my skin, his teeth sinking into my lower neck and shoulder, just hard enough to leave a mark, he grinded his hip against my hip as his metal fingers slip under my trousers. 

I use my own hands to rip off my shirt, and undo his belt. He stepped backwards suddenly, I pulled down my trousers and he did the same, we both took our underwear off, needing to be naked. His eyes looked over my body, I could tell he was focusing on the bruises littered over my body, on the mission, I was thrown against a wall, and my body showed that. He moved forward, his hands caressing my skin, his touch soft and careful as he traces along the bruises on my body. I sighed loudly, it hurt, but the lust in Bucky's eyes as he touches me made me feel less pain as my own pleasure built. 

"Whatcha thinking?" I asked my head cocking. 

"Seeing you like this...I hate the idea of you getting hurt, but at the same time, seeing you all marked up...It's driving me crazy" He explains, his eyes dark as he looks over my body, I shiver at his words, feeling the wetness between my legs pool. 

"Aw baby, you like the idea of covering me in bruises and marks you make?" I ask quietly, my voice low and full of lust. Bucky grunts, his expression intense. 

"You have no idea doll..The urge to cover you up in my own marks, to claim you as mine, it's nearly irresistible" He groans, I smile softly. 

"I am yours"

Bucky lets out a possessive growl his hands tighten on my skin, he eyes move to lock onto mine. 

"Yeah, you're all mine" He whispers leaning forward, his mouth finding my neck, his teenth scrap along my sensitive skin. "No one else's"

"All yours baby" I whimper as his fingers move from my hip to my clit, he slowly moves two fingers against the nerves. I moan softly, my head falling back against the wall. "Fuck, I wanna marry you...Fuck!" 

Bucky pauses, his lips still against my skin, his body tenses at my words, but his fingers don't stop, his flesh hand moves up to hold my chin, he pulls my head to look at him, our noses bumping. His eyes meet mine, a mix of love and possessiveness in his gaze. 

"You want to marry me, doll? Make me a husband?" He asks quietly. 

"Yes, fuck, I want you forever" I whisper, nodding my head slightly. I watch as his expression softens, he cups my face, his thumb gently caressing my cheek. His voice is gruff, but full of emotion.

"You already have me forever doll, from the moment we met, I was yours" He says carefully, I wonder if he really means that, we hated one another from the day we met. Our first meeting was an argument. "But marrying you, making it official...I want that. I want it more than anything" 

He says each other whilst putting his fingers into my, I spread my legs giving him more room. His fingers stretching my tight hole ready for him, it didn't take him long, we both liked it when I was tighter, the pain of him stretching my was, addicting. He lifts one of my legs and moves forward angling his cock to my hole. 

"Fuck, I'm yours Buck" I whisper as he pushes inside of me. He moves down to kiss my neck as he thrusts into me. 

"You're damn right you are, you're mine, and I'm gonna make sure you remember it every day" He groans, his hips thrusting up into my hard, my pussy stretched around his cock, feeling every vein as he fucks hard into me. I moaned loudly feeling my release my pussy tightening around him. I feel his lips grin against my neck, he pulls away and looks at me with a mixture of love and possession in his gaze. 

"Love you" I whine as I feel my legs getting a little weaker. He holds my leg against his hip a little tighter, using it to fuck into me harder. 

"The sounds you make...I could listen to them all day, I love hearing you say my name doll, say my name?" He begs, his voice becoming a little pathetic. 

"Bucky" I whine as I come on his cock again. His voice hitches, his hands grip my skin harder, his body flush against mine, he leans down his lips moving against my ear as he speaks in a low, ragged voice. 

"That's it doll, say it again, I wanna hear you moan my name, over and over"

"Bucky!" I moan again, and again. He closes his eyes, his body responding immediately to me as I ramble his name again and again. He growls moving his hips faster, his cock slamming into me. 

"Yes, doll! You're so perfect, so perfect for me, all mine, mine, mine" Bucky rambles as he spills into me. We were breathing heavy, our foreheads now pressed together. His eyes were stilled closed as he chest heaved as he struggles to catch his breath. 

He opens his eyes, looking at me through half-lidded eyes, his body trembling from the intensity of his release. I was glad he was holding me up, my legs had gone slack, and I wasn't sure if I could hold myself up. My hands were on his shoulder, holding myself up, my chest moved up and down, as I try to calm my breathing. 

"Doll, you're gonna be the death of me someday" He lets out a bark of laughter as he speaks, his voice happy and exasperated. 

"Let's hope not" I whisper, breathlessly. Bucky chuckles softly, his body still pressed against mine. He reaches up and brushes a strand of my hair away from my face, his touch gentle. 

"No let's hope not, I've got a long life of loving you ahead of me" He whispers lovingly. 

"I hope so baby, bed time?" I ask, my body exhausted from both the mission and mine and Bucky's activities. He peeled himself away from me, his arms still holding me steady against the wall so I wouldn't fall. He reaches down and scoopes my body into his arms, holding me close. He carried me to our bedroom and we crawled into the bed, I moaned softly at the feel of the bed under me, I was happy to be back. 

"Comfortable doll?" Bucky asked, he pulled me close, wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulled me so my head rested on his chest, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head. 

"Very much so" I answered. He rests his chin over my head, holding me close, as he lazily traces his fingers over the skin of my back. 

"I love holding you like this, makes me feel like I'm protecting you, even though I know damn well you're more than capable of taking care of yourself" He whispers into my hair. 

"Sweet man" I whisper back, my voice drenched in sleepiness. 

"Don't be spreading that around ya? Can't have my grumpy, tough as nails reputation ruined" He murmured as he let out a short chuckle, his fingers continuing to trace patterns on my skin. 

"Think that reputation was ruined a long time ago" I replied. Bucky laughed softly, his chest vibrating with the sound against me. He nips playfully at my ear, his tone teasing. 

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm a big ol' softie"

"Soft boyfriend to me, soft dada to Jamie" I smile softly. 

"Soft as damn cotton wool for you and a big ol' teddy bear for Jamie" He answers, his voice soft and playful. 

"We love you" I whisper as my eyes shut. 

Bucky smiles to me, he tightens his arms around me, holding me close as he whispers back, his voice a low rumble.

"And I love you both, more than anything in the universe"

Taglist:

@quinquinquincy @jaybbygrl @wintrsoldrluvr @sebastians-love @learisa @hi172826 @ravennablue @purplecolordeer @a-small-blue-nebula @buckitostan @knyaotjjkbiatch

If you want to be added to the taglist, just comment on this post <3

[see-arcane]

Hows arcanewrimo going

It Is Going

...in several directions, because I'm using it mostly to work on the Dracula Beyond Stoker Jonathan Harker anthology call, so I'm chewing on multiple plot possibilities. If I have time left over, I'd like to work on some more original stuff 🍀

[kyliafanfiction]

I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.

Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.

And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)

But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...

Well, it's not.

Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.

And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).

It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.

Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.

Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.

It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.

And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.

But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.

So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.

And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.

But again - fictional.

In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.

So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...

It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?

At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.

Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).

So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).

So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.

Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.

(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)

[floof-writes]

WARNING: this post includes some negativity about something you might love: D20’s The Seven, specifically choices made by Sephie about Sam Nightingale’s actions and backstory

TL;DR- (Disclaimer, I'm only to episode 5) The way Sephie chose to play Sam makes her seem aloof, toxic, disingenuous, and attention-seeking compared to the rich found-family themes of past Fantasy High seasons and to her fellow characters in this season. Less importantly but still frustrating, she doesn't follow the 'one leveled spell a round' rule. If she had all these flaws and was also funny, I might forgive her. But, alas.

Watching The Seven right now for FHJY and while I have countless good things to say about it, forgive me for instead ranting about the fan beloved Sam Nightingale. While I understand that many people love it, Sam/Sephie’s stage mom backstory gets on my fucking nerves. Especially the viral video thing in episode 5. Sephie blows up a bit (a bit in a comedy show! They're always doing bits!) into something big and then chooses to duck out instead of committing and resolving. I LIVE for emotional moments in D20, I seriously do, but whatever Sephie has been doing just doesn’t work for me. It feels cheap. D20 emotional moments have a ton of build-up through comedy/resistance, and I hate to say it, but Sam is not a funny character. I’m not saying she’s not realistic- she’s traumatized and is going through a lot, but Sephie is playing her in the wrong genre. D20 is a comedy.

Here's the thing: Ally also gets criticism for playing Kristen in a really explicit and overt way, trampling over other roleplay with her trauma, and that is true (sorry Kristen, ily!), but at least what Ally did is funny. Sam isn't. Sephie almost nailed it when Rebecca revealed she was getting divorced- her reaction was both real and comedic, but later when she called Penelope it felt forced/spotlighty/too soon, especially considering she didn't even have a mirror charge left. And that attention-seeky vibe isn’t helped by the fact that Sephie chose to play an ex-child actor: a real-life tragedy that almost always comes off as cheap when fictionalized.

But the parallels between Ally’s Kristen and Sephie’s Sam don’t end there! One of the biggest reasons people were annoyed by Kristen was Ally’s (and to an extent, Brennan/fellow player's), absolute ignorance of the rules about concentration spells, which made her really overpowered in season one. My argument against this as a newbie dnd player was always ‘rule of cool, it was fun to watch and fun to play so it doesn’t matter!', but as a more experienced player I finally understand that frustration even though I tried not to feel it. The same thing happened with Sam in ep 4- she casts two leveled spells in a single turn with Quicken Spell (Lightning Bolt and Fly, and again later with Enthrall and Suggestion), which makes her seem crazily overpowered despite the fact that she’s a 3/6 multi-class among a 9th level druid and a 9th level cleric. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good multi-class, but she shouldn’t be outstripping them so handily (Yielle also fucking slayed this fight though).

[A proposed alternate turn for her second mistake: Quicken spell to Enthrall and then use her winged boots and second action to attack the harpy and catch Penny (a ranged cantrip (LIGHTNING LURE) or a weapon attack if the DM allowed that to cause her to drop Penny, opposed strength with Danielle’s Bear Totem advantage if not). It would have been just as cool and displayed better teamwork, plus it was an opportunity to roleplay bonding and show gratitude for the Feather Fall that saved her fucking life.]

In fact, for me, there’s only three rather subjective reasons why I adore Kristen so much and find Sam super annoying: 1. As we've been over before, Kristen is funny. Sam is not. 2. I personally really relate to Kristen’s Overpowering Trauma (tm) and as an amateur actress, find bitter child actress plots absolutely inconceivable (Disclaimer:Jeanette McCurdy’s ‘I’m Glad My Mom Died’ made me fucking lose it). And 3. Kristen's story is about finding love (of herself through romantic but most importantly platonic relationships), supporting others, and understanding the world. Caring so much she self-destructs. Even her famous rule-breaking was usually caused by a conflict with Bless, a spell she cast every time to protect her friends. But Sam has thus far rarely displayed unselfishness, despite knowing the Maidens for nearly twice as long as Kristen knew the Bad Kids by the end of Season One. Kristen was self-centered in that Ally often drew the focus of roleplay towards their character's own issues and sub-plot, (or by being the purest form of the new player paradox and asking to do something crazy.) Sam is self-centered in that same way, and also in that she is literally selfish. Antiope says 'I have an opportunity' and instead of saying 'I get it, the pressure of having a parent who doesn't understand you changes everything, but even then a part of you still wants what they want for you' she says 'so you won't be there for me? How could you?'. Penny saves her life before being snatched into the air like a mouse to a hawk, and Sam is the only one who can fly but she plays the harp instead of helping her in return.

ALL the maidens lost months to more than a year of their lives. All the maidens are grappling with generational expectations, trauma, and pressure just like Sam. The big what-if at the end of highschool. I was only going to point out Antiope and Penny, but this actually seems to be a major theme of the season, since Ostentatia and Zelda also have overt themes of this.

Look, if you’re gonna play angsty, there’s a trick to it. There's this highschool level acting advice I've heard so many times: The worst choice you can make on stage is to be bored, because what is the audience to do except be bored as well? Similarly, if you choose to play disconnected, then how is an audience supposed to connect? In a group of people who have vocalized endless support for you, ‘I’m fine, I'm fine' (as shown in episode 5's viral video scene) is just dishonest, and it's honestly a betrayal of Sephie’s fellow actors who are working to improvise a history of openness and support with Sephie’s character, just so Sam can seem aloof and angsty. Break down in their arms, Sephie! Get flustered and run away! Either ‘I Kiss Her And Skateboard Away/I Burn Two Luck Points To Stop Riz From Finding Out’ OR ‘I Need Everyone To Dogpile On Me Right Now/I Kiss Everyone On The Mouth’ levels of teen angst are needed for this to be actually funny. Sam could've had something unique and iconic up there with Kristen and Fig's struggles with being known, but she isn’t cringefail enough. She's not relatable, and she claims to be bitter but really she's just mean. And again, I never said she isn’t realistic- real life people do the ‘I’m fine’ thing. Real life teenagers make a big deal out of something to tease out sympathy/curiosity over a Hidden Trauma and then duck out of an explanation for the attention of it all. But it isn’t funny and it feels OOC for a maiden who had a year and a half to become fucking codependent (/pos) with these other six girls.

Rant over, something positive to end the post: TaleSpire is so fucking cool! Physical battlemaps are awesome but you couldn't do a 700ft+ chase battle on the dome's tabletop. They really took advantage of using a virtual tool this season and did something they couldn't do otherwise. (Plus the fact that TaleSpire is treated like video game software and has a one time purchase fee instead of a subscription based model is fucking awesome!)

[dkettchen]

I've learnt how to input in python I will be unstoppable now

[deadrlngers]

WIP DAY

i was tagged by @moonmothers @devilbrakers @flymmcargo @nuclearstorms + @hibernationsuit thank you guys so much!! <3

tagging: @morvaris @faarkas @shadowglens @voerman @faerune @ladyshar @liurnia @halsin @gortash @risingsh0t @necroticpetals @druidgroves @malefiicarum @feypacts @florbelles @calenhads @thedeadthree and anyone else i missed! can't remember exactly who writes or not so if you see this just say i tagged you

disclosing my violante/ruven/gortash (pre-game events) agenda,,even if it's mainly vio here but if i added any more of the wip in here you guys would kill me bc it's already so long. anyways who doesn't like masked balls?

“Dare I ask who I'm in the presence of?” The gems nestled in the fine silver net adorning her hair made a gentle tinkling sound as Violante tilted her head forward in a courteous bow tasked to open the dance. When she rose to meet her partner’s gaze once more, she resumed: “And most of all, is it friend or is it foe?”

Even beneath the mask, the wicked shine of Enver’s dark eyes appeared brighter than the play of light on the golden wings that stretched from the front of the mask to his hair. “Vicare, the only human man that could fly.”

Vicare – Violante wished to laugh. Was his arrogance the cause of her amusement? Or perhaps it was his full, unabashed, commitment to that little theatrical play they were staging? Whichever the reason, she found that trying to conceal her smile around him was beginning to verge on the impossible. Disgraceful…but thrilling, she couldn’t wait to let Ruven hear of it.

The music carried their voices along the notes like they were part of the sheets; it was a concerto of violins, lutes and harps. Violante could hear the distinct sound of a few wind instruments as well but failed to recognize them. The melody was slow and soothing, inviting the dancers to know one another, play their coy games before dealing their full hand when the culmination of the song would strike.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, barely letting the fabrics of their clothes brush one another as they drew a circle on the floor with their steps: a dance that resembled more the stalk of two wolves ready to attack, reach for the throat and sink sharp teeth in the flesh and let fate settle who was going to bleed out first and declare the other victorious.

“The name holds a familiar sound.” She spoke calmly, voice just above a whisper but carrying confidence, pride. A pride soon betrayed; a quick glance stolen with the tail of her eye to the dark haired man, searching for any hint on his half covered face that would reveal his thoughts to her. She hoped for the stars, yet she was no astronomer at all. Whatever Enver Gortash was thinking, from amusement to annoyance, remained a well guarded secret. “I’d like to hear the tale of the man of the golden feathers, if he’s willing to share.”

The violins played a grave note and as if spells were casted, each performing pair jumped into position – facing each other, one arm up as the back of their hands brushed the one of their partner in a gentle kiss of the knuckles. His hand to her waist, her touch above his shoulder. "Do I have to tell? I'm sure you know well how the story goes. The one that dreamt of flying too high in the sky – accused of free will, punished with the amputation of his wings.” He leaned forward, a cunning smile curling his lips upwards charmingly. “They used shears, if I remember correctly, to make me never wish to fly again. Quite the gruesome spectacle it was.”

Enver’s back was straight, tense as the string of a bow ready to let its arrow strike the prey, yet the movement of his steps was nothing but light and elegant as they spun in unison with the other dancers like a gentle breeze barely caressing the marble under his feet. He was a great dancer, Violante couldn’t deny it.

“Yet you persist, don’t you? Behind those walls you still look up for the cobalt sky.” A swirl, restrained in perfect graciousness learned in years of training with a certain drow, the rich crimson fabric of her gown twisting around her body like a tail. “Which amount of punishment is enough to make you learn, I wonder.”

His eyes narrowed yet that wicked grin didn't falter. “Flying is a thought, and nothing can stop an idea. The wind reached me even when my feet were bound to the ground." They waltzed into an outside spin and moved into the next step with a final touch of the wrist, pulse against pulse. “Besides – I can take a fair amount of penance, if rewarding.” His fingers twitched against hers, nothing more than a controlled and quick brush tauntingly demure, yet just enough to make Violante wonder, take the hint of that touch and let her mind carry it on as it pleased. The power of a thought, wasn’t it? 

Enver appeared no less pleased, be it the quick flash of her surprised expression or the sudden rigidity of her muscles. “Now that I’ve answered your question, allow one for myself: who are you in turn?”

Violins stood out from the choir of instruments with a strident sound this time, separating the couples as if the touch of one another was akin to reaching for a flame with naked skin. Violante arms rose up in a fluid movement, like the fluttering of a bird’s wings or the stroke of a brush, while Enver’s form bended in a half-bow, one arm behind his back and the other circling his waist.

“Death.” She expressed sharply, excited as if her time in this play had finally come. “And if I recall correctly, even Vicare couldn’t escape Death.”

[zukkaoru]

heyyy you guys should send me some ficlet prompts (preferably bsd but a really good prompt could persuade me to do another fandom) bc i need to get the words flowing again. you can make up your own prompts or here are links to a couple lists i found in my drafts:

things you said... dialogue prompts (angst) dialogue prompts (fluff, angst, and h/c) dialogue prompts (misc) lyric prompts from laurel hell touch prompts

[estbela]

Should I reblog an ask game. Question of the century. Idk maybe it will make me able to form a coherent thought about hetalia

[daz4i]

as soon as i figure out how to start creating again it's over for you

[mityenka]

feel like the continued undermining of the importance of engaging with political theory in favor of calling for more praxis (which is a useless dichotomy to set up anyways, theory and praxis cannot exist separate from each other, etc) is part of the reason why there are so many people here calling themselves radical leftists when they are really liberals at best. when the only thing pushing you towards leftism is your moral compass and you have no understanding of the theoretical basis of whatever political ideology you sympathize with you will not get a deeper understanding of the premises for leftist critiques of current issues than "x thing is bad because y group says so" and are in turn more prone to adopting liberal and conservative points of view undifferentiated as long as they're painted in radical language

[cacaitos]

see for the thing ive observed abt the way the female-to-male predation types of portrayals happen to go, that imo for some reason use like extra stablished power dynamics to like. *justify themselves happening in the first place (like ex mothers that are yk. v straighforward menaces in a kid/teen's inmediacy), is that i will give fujimoto the acknowledgement of partially avoiding doing so by virtue of him not having much respect or shame for himself and his story analogues.

[azems-familiar]

hey anon who sent the "you said i could stay with you if i needed a bed" prompt how do you feel about Tayala being involved (i had Ideas for it but they're.... set in an AU where the Inquisitorius didn't find Bode, lol)? it wouldn't be shippy between Cal and her, and obviously the spyscrapper would be the main focus

[running-in-the-dark]

I just tried rollerskating outside again for the first time since last year and oooof it's so bad, I'm so bad at it, the pain is so bad, everything about it is very very bad

[artemismatchalatte]

I finally played Animal Crossing again for the first time in several months! So one of the first things I did was visit Brewster.