#I'm to lazy to cook
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Is a half glass of orange juice and some trail mix a good dinner?
#I'm to lazy to cook#I wanna eat but like#That requires movement and I don't wanna#I think I know why I'm sick#Yay
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This is also a bit of a culture query, cos these are all in my house so I genuinely cook with these all (except chicken salt, that's been in my cupboard for ages)
But I'm not from the USA and most people here are, so I wonder if that's similar! Maybe your cupboard is identical to mine. Maybe we use the same stuff but call it something else. Maybe USA has a different relationship with pre mix spices and you use none of it. Maybe you've never heard of pre mix spices. I dunno. That's why I'm asking!
I use plain herbs and spices as well. Especially when making a complex meal I'll do it myself. But I use pre mixes other times, so I'm voting. Voting for a pre mix doesn't mean you don't also use paprika! If you genuinely have no pre mixes in the kitchen tho, then hell yeah, tell me!
Also, I know I haven't listed everything in the world. One, that's impossible. Two, this is a bit of a culture thing so I just checked my kitchen and used those. This selection is representative of me only
(you don't have to be from the USA to vote, obvs, we just all know that's how the results will end up. Please tell me about your spice mixes in other countries!!)
Morrison spice blend: Pepper, tumeric, ginger, cardamom, parsley, salt
Chinese five spice: Star anise, cinnamon, clove, fennel, Sichuan pepper
Chicken salt: Salt, chicken stock, garlic, paprika, pepper, onion, celery
Gluhwein gewurz: Orange peel, cinnamon, lemon peel, star anise, hibiscus, clove
Chimichurri: parsley, garlic, oregano, vinegar, chilli, salt, pepper
Za'atar: thyme, cumin, coriander, sesame seeds, sumac, salt, chilli
Garam masala: coriander, cumin, cardamom, cloves, pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg
#food mention#poll#polls#spices#cooking#my gut instinct says I'm going to be told about some seasonal pumpkin spice blend for the next week#but we don't have that here so I'm not preempting and it's not going on the poll#that a regional thing! that's not in Australia! I'm standing my ground#and hey maybe I'll be wrong#if you're interested i use zaatar more than anything else#it's gentle#goes well in breakfast food when I'm cooking lazy
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I promised to draw this, so here it is
#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#fanart#my art#tevan#kinley#no background because i'm lazy#kiss the cook#or something like that
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So, if suns LEAST favorite Pokémon is Sunflora, it’s his favorite pokemon Heliolisk or Solgaleo?
Pop quiz for all the cooking with sun au lore trackers. What is the name of the kid in the cat hat? (It was mentioned in a single panel of one of my comics >w>) << First < Previous ~*~ Next >
The previous Pokemon-related asks can be seen here and extended upon here.
#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf moon#fnaf sun#cooking with sun au#sun and moon fnaf#comic#wholesome#Am I the only one “Pikachu Sun” looks a little uncanny or cursed to?#You will be graded for your pop quiz answers (kidding)#I'm too lazy to do that#pokemon#pikachu#ash ketchum#shows up in the thought cloud of one panel#ask response
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Harley joining the batfam be like.
(More shenanigans under the cut)
Harley: Bats! I have a gift for ya! Batman: ... What is this? Harley: A club's membership's card! Batman: ... Harley: And I've some for the commie, his daughter and your big red riding hood.
The cards in question:
(yes, she drew the pictures. Jason is Bat Brat for reasons)
#harley quinn#batman#red hood#jason todd#bruce wayne#harleen quinzel#dc comics#fanart#my art#traditional art#watercolor#colored pencils#acrylic painting#the letters were therapeutic to do at the beginning at the end I wanted it DONE#me playing on canva to make them club cards: I'm an adult without a job#I hate the reddish tone of the first picture but I'm too lazy to take another pic and I refuse to open my shutters more#nothing is making my depression and bad self-worth as strong as trying to take pictures of my art#I don't want to be cooked by the sun#the reasons behind Jason being bat brat is a story I have in my head of Harley meeting him
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BUDDY IM SO SORRY TO KEEP COMING IN BUT:
Shadowvani, shared mindscapes (like the masquerade) their dramatic discussions and debates and teasing and flirting and dancing around eachother, Vanilla learns he can affect their shared world when he's teasing shadow and wishes he had something to lightly whack him with after he caught him trying to grab his soul jam so blatantly, and all of a sudden he has a fan in his hand.
Shadow is just as shocked as he is.
Hm.
Now where did that came from...?
Just for fun, here's my initial sketch for the first page. My sketches tend to be messy so I don't show them off much. Their ballroom attires were something I came up with while sketching. And if you're wondering about the third panel: I accidentally merged the frame into the sketch mid-adjustment, so it got stuck
#dream shenanigans my favorite#really wished I could answer sooner but I got little to no freetime lately#just know whenever I'm taking my time it means I'm COOKING#or being lazy lol don't want to get anyone's hope up now-#1m4 answer#crk#cookie run kingdom#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla cookie#shadowvanilla#vanilla milkshake#art#fanart#stuff i draw
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Another Comic,,, I actually drew this one awhile ago but didn't put it on here- It's angst this time so,, YIPPIEEEEE full comic:
#dandy's world#dandys world#shelly dandys world#shrimpo dandys world#shellfish dandys world#this one was so lazy i'm sorry guys </3#I've got stuff cooking I prommy
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Sillies
💾🦎
#scp#fanart#scp fanart#scp 682#scp 079#computer and lizard#don't cook#just don't mate#giant lizard#hahah#my art#I'm lazy
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jj my heart is yours
cm 2x14
#ignore the glitch i'm too lazy to fix it#shes so pretty#BABY JJ IS SO POOKIE CODED#god i fucking love you jj#criminal minds#criminal minds evolution#my post#jennifer jareau#jj#aj cook#criminal minds rewatch#jennifer jareau outfits#jennifer jareau x reader#jennifer jareau edit#jennifer jareau gifs#jennifer jareau gif#jennifer jj jareau#criminal minds jj#criminal minds gifs#criminal minds gif#criminal minds edit#criminal minds edits#criminal minds season 2#cm: evolution#cm edit#cm gifs#cm gif#cm evolution#cm 2x14
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*Kiss cheek, throw rose at it, run away*
Of course, 42 never expected something like this to happen, so it didn't have enough time to react. Anon was already fleeing and 42 felt the rose on its cheek.
4̳̽̊̚2͔͂̅̕?͍̪̈̌
(What?)
It looked down at a flower.
4̳̼̒̆͊2̞̜͖̈́̂̄.̤̿̿.͍͑.̫̀4̡̘̋̊̈́͜2̲̲̅̈́͌?͇̼̋̈́ ͖̮̓̆͘4̙̌̾2͔͙̼̑̄?̮͋
(A...a rose? Why?)
While 42 was thinking about something, another Anon approached it. Sensing someone else, 42 raised its head.
"You're so pretty, 42!" - Anon exclaimed and then smooched its flat face without any warning. 42 was still startled. What is going on? It wasn't impersonating this...Francis or something, so 42 didn't understand why humans were reacting to it like that. It couldn't help but extend its claws and grab the Anon. They could also hear faint growls.
4̡̝͙̋2̯̏͂̐ ̒̀̇ͅ4͓̀̉̅2̜̮̘͊ ̨̮̒̅4͎̏2̤͋̕͠ ͇̳̘̀4̗̓̊̅2̧̝͊̄͝ ̠̝̦͊4̛̯̦̄̉2͉̞̣͒ ̦̟̋̂4̡̠̣̓̉2̧̯̩͊̀ ̟̤͚͐̈̊4̛̥̘̈́͘2͓̟͕̈́̂ ͙̫͛̑4͚̏̎͝2̪͎̬̀̏ ̪̝͔̌̐4̈́͑̕͜2͍̲̏͆ ̛͖̠̃4̺͛2̭̈́̀.̞̈́
(You seem to have forgotten what you are dealing with.)
Anon's fate could've been decided if it wasn't @yut0ro getting near. "Hello, Mr.42, do I have the permission to give you a little smooch?" - they asked. 42 was still holding the previous Anon in its grasp. But it wasn't doing anything - neither saying anything, nor doing something with Anon. Suddenly 42 unclenched its claws, dropping the Anon.
4̻̫̋2͂̈́͜ ̧̣͖̐4̢̗́͗͛2̨̭͠ ͉͛4̭̐̉̿2͙́͑̽ ̛̺̎4̮̭̃2͍̋͊͑ ̢̛͒̚4̨̠̒̿2̳͎̍́͐ ̘͌4̥̮̤̎̿2̨̯̣̎̑ ̗̌́4̝́̃͝2̼̲̉ ̛͈̠͖́͐4͇͕̀̈́͘2̳͇̒̾ ̹̺̄͜4̧̥͎̌̾2͙̳̠̆́̽.͍͐͋̓
(This is the last time I will allow this.)
While the "smooch" was happening, 42 felt nothing in its head. Not even the urge to gnaw on these humans which was just here for a moment. It would've probably been the easiest prey 42 could've ever had. But it didn't seem to plan the attack anymore. At least for now.
#thats not my neighbor#that's not my neighbor#thatsnotmyneighbor#42#fortytwo#tnmn#tnmn rp#it's 3am here#i think i kinda cooked here despite the lazy art#i feel like I'm in a noir movie
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...so who's gonna tell him?
#linked universe#doodle#loz au#lu wild#lu hyrule#messy doodle comic cause I'm lazy lol#I wonder what Hyrule's reaction would be to the truth#oki I know technically no fairies are harmed when making fairy tonics#but its funnier to imagine that they are lmao#cooking up some fairies
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AFTERNOON TEA
Human! Bill often meets up with Axel ��� who is the Axolotl themselves, in a human form, to not raise suspicion among townspeople – and chats about his progress / rants about his new body and it's limitations over a warm cup of tea.
After spending centuries at Theraprism, the Axolotl became one of the very few people Bill actually grown to trust.
Someone who provides comfort.
#I swear I'm cooking smth atm#I'm just also fighting laziness and procrestination#i love their relationship sm#if his AU wasn't Billford centered I would say Hear Me Out AxoBill#oh the joys of being a multishipper#might as well tag this as that for the funsies#axobill#fixinit1#fixinit2#fixinit au#hamsty art#gravity falls#bill cipher#gf#gravity falls au#digital#digital drawing#digital art#digital artist#gravity falls blog#gravityfalls#human bill#human bill design#human bill au#human bill cipher#human axolotl#axel#gf au blog#gf au#gravity falls au blog
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My bookstore confession is I hid a book about the effect of the Paris Commune on the development of Impressionism in the philosophy section and whenever they assign me like 3 hours of shelf maintenance I hide in the stacks for like 15-20 minutes at a time and read it instead of working
#I hate doing work no matter how easy or fulfilling#On the utopian commune I would be a useless eater. I'm disabled and lazy#I want to sit on my ass and read#Ok on the utopian commune I would help cook probably#And do laundry I like doing laundry#But everything else. Absolutely not
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Two jobs, for two bots.
This is for the Midsummer nightmare's boys! I had to draw this after that dream sequence ^^
#Too lazy to color any fancier than that XD#But yeah I cooked this up last night when wanting something to draw#took all day but I'm done#have some angst#fnaf moon#moondrop#fnaf sun#sundrop#art#my art#comic#A midsummer nightmare#Dark fae au#Vampire springtrap#william afton#vampire william afton#This was a theory I had for the game itself#like why Moon's merch is in the basment#so the dead children knew who to go to for rest#and the sun and moon are in the#“Heavens”#Also I loved the movie's#“You had one job” *names two things* gag#child death#tw death#tw murder#tw child murder
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wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️
not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will
(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry
the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:
I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.
so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps
also about that race:
'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'
(2) the photo finish
in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment
(3) dovi's top three favourite career win
dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007
I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all
(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008
Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'
some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well
also this:
ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.
plus ça change
(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018
when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:
dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade
(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"
both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010
here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:
in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"
which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm
(7) mapping eight-gate
well I can't leave it out, can I
so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....
while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc
ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned
which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past
here from marc at sepang:
dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there
and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi
jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of
jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders
for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:
lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later
anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:
so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it
eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati
publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani
Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”
which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past
anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:
'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:
the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not
(8) runner-up-gate
let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:
so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:
by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:
And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.”
fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:
Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."
so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds
(9) twitter-gate
there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:
The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."
pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this
Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."
the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying
again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:
After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."
if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit
Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."
god knows how that turned out
(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh
late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:
some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:
merry christmas!
not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny
bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals
you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:
truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves
bonus 2: another one for old time's sake
already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh
"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh
#also thank you!! that's really nice#valentino is absolutely SHAMELESS in that clip i'm crying... saw some low hanging fruit and took a chainsaw to the entire tree#laughs a bit TOO much at that dovi line. a little restraint I beg#andrea dovizioso#brr brr#//#ad4#morale tag#batsplat responds#very lazy post sorry but i just wanted to do something fast... i do think they're more interesting than just a list of drama#real lack of mutual respect... how little they get each other... also jorge's side of that 250cc rivalry is sooooo...#currently still cooking up that jorge/valentino post which means i'm obviously revisiting my jorge primary sources#and the way valentino and dovi get described in particular is... hm how to describe this... this isn't just a sports thing but -#- especially in sports and especially at juniors level you come across a lot of people who act like they're constantly on camera#jorge at that age has extreme sports film syndrome. his entire team also has sports film syndrome. the author has sports film syndrome#they're constantly trying to write character arcs for him. 'like a superhero after his darkest hour' that kinda thing#and that also means other riders sometimes get this treatment where you're a bit? this doesn't feel... completely in touch with reality#dovi's The First Rival who's there to help jorge grow... it's quite tricky to explain because you can't point to anything SPECIFIC#it's just tones and vibes really lmao#anyway my point is I do have Takes on this dynamic but for now. here is just a random assortment of stuff with a lil bit of context#I do love it when you have a kind of primary text for these riders. they're all COMPLETELY different#all with quite funny editorial choices that sometimes tell you as much about the blokes as the actual text itself#fwiw the jorge one was the one where i had the most moments of 'hm i'm not sure it happened quite like that but continue'
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the only real headcanon i have about the venture bros is that pete white gained weight after moving in with rose, rodney, and horace because he's actually eating full meals and now he's like... healthy
#the venture bros#pete white#too poor and lazy to eat normal meals when he lived in a camper in the desert#now he's got rose to cook for him and for once in his life he has non-cocaine induced energy#'wow billy you ever try this stuff?' '...food?' 'this stuff is crazy it's like i'm on blow again but the come down makes me sleepy instead#of homicidal' 'that's great white' 'they should sell this stuff'
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