#jennifer jareau gif

[neighbourshouse]

Let's talk.

Tara Lewis x Y/N

Summary: A slip up of words ends up being pretty ok :)

Warnings: Fluff. Like two kisses and an implication of the nasty but that's it.

Authors note: Oh wow. Funny seeing you here. Yada yada, life gets busy, I don't post for a while, but here we are. So...

Anyways. I'm a HUGE Criminal Minds fan and have been rewatching as usual but DAMN. Aisha Tyler is fine shyt. I want her. No, I'm crazy. Been searching for good fanfics, and it's so lacklustre I actually made my own. Let me know what ya think, is this something I should continue if I remember to write and post?

This is so short, but just shut up and be happy you're fed something.

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She placed a soft kiss to your lips, slowly moving down your jaw to your neck. Warmth radiating from her body, you fell into a blissed lull. She can be so intoxicating you just-

“God, I love you.” 

It slipped out in a moan. 

So accidental but true to how you’ve been feeling. The two of you hadn’t discussed this stage of your relationship, but you knew your admiration for Tara had gone beyond just a “like.” 

You froze at your own words. Tara stopped her motions, looking up at you.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- it just happened…ughhhh” You covered your face with your hands. 

Silence. Then Tara giggled. 

Glimpsing through the cracks of your fingers you could see her soft smile. 

“Baby. Maybe it’s time we have a chat.”

Heart thumping through your chest, you fear this is the end of something so good. Tara gently took your hands away from your face, revealing tear-brimmed eyes and rosy cheeks.

“Awwww bubs don’t cry. Please? Come on, let’s talk.”

Shifting from between your legs to sitting next to you, Tara held your hands in her own. She fiddled with your rings, gathering her thoughts before she spoke. 

“Y/n, I love you too… and way more than you know and I want that to change. I want you to know.”

Wiping your eyes you sit up to look at her better.

“I wish we talked about this sooner cause I think we both know how we feel is mutual-“

“How did you know that you loved me?” Your words came out in a whisper.

Tara blinked at the suddenness of your words, leaning against the headboard of the bed. 

“I was at work sitting at my desk, chatting with Emily…and you texted me. I guess my face says more than words sometimes and Emily asked if it was you.” A small smile began to form on her lips.

“I remember I nodded. And Emily said the funniest thing… ’The team’s noticed a difference in you. A good one….When can we meet her?’ Knowing they already loved you confirmed what I had felt for a while. I decided I wanted to love you forever.”

You crawled onto Tara’s lap, straddling her. Hands cupping her cheeks you placed the softest, feather-light kiss on her lips. 

“When did you get the first inkling you loved me though?”

“You with the questions hey-“ Tara giggled, making a smile spread across your face.

“It was our 5th date-“

“That was like a month into our relationship.”

“-I know, girl let me finish my story.”

You both laughed.

“We had just finished eating at that sushi place and you unbuttoned your pants.”

“That’s it? That’s when you got the first idea?” You couldn’t contain your laughter at how ridiculous that sounded.

“Well…I like a girl that can eat and you unbuttoning your pants was just the cherry on top.”

“Jeeeeeeezzzzz” you rolled your eyes.

“Ok, now how about you? When did you first realize you loved me?”

“Gosh, how cheesy are we? Um… I guess it was…I guess it was when you first introduced me to your team. You just glowed from happiness, and your pretty smile reached your ears.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. That or- actually… when you first kissed me. Yeah. That was when I first realized I love you. You introducing me to the team was when I first realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

A quiet fell over the room. All you could do was gaze at each other.

“You want to spend the rest of your life with me?” Tara’s voice broke the hush.

“I mean…yeah. I couldn’t imagine not being with you. I’m happiest with you. Every time you’re gone on a case, all I can think about is when you get back and how happy I’ll be. Also, we are always together and I basically live with you.”

Tara ran her hands gently up and down your thighs. You glanced at the clock on the bedside table: 11:30 p.m. As you said, you basically lived with Tara- but unfortunately, you still had to go home sometimes.

Your hands fell to hers, picking them up and kissing the back of each.  

“I guess I should get-“

“Y/n I want you to move in with me.” 

“Oh- ok…are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ve never been more sure. I want to share my space with you. And have you in my bed every night.” She smirked.

“Well how could I deny that…you did say you liked a girl who can eat.”

Tara playfully smacked the side of your arm and rolled her eyes.

“Oh hush you. I just mean…I want to have that normal everyday life with you. Where I make you coffee in the morning before work and collect mail with your name on it. All that domestic shit ya know, like JJ and Will or Matt and Kristy.”

You flopped down onto the bed next to Tara, lying on your side to look into her big, beautiful brown eyes.

“…make me coffee every morning, hey?”

“Yeah.” Gosh, she could make you fold so easily.

“We could be like those guys. But no kids.” you bit your lip, smirking at the thought of waking up to her every day.

“Yeah, no kids. You and I are aunties.”

“Exactly.”

“So?…” Tara eyed you.

“Well obviously yes! We just confessed our love to each other and you think I would say no to you proposing that I get to sleep in your-or should I say our- bed every night next to you? It’s gonna be like having a sleepover everydayyyyyyyy!!!”

Tara laughed at you and your excitement.

“Yeah, every day is a sleepover.”

[carisc4pshaw]

Through the Seasons

In which Elle and JJ are married and have a daughter and spend Summer vacation, Halloween, Christmas and Easter together. (really fluffy)

word count: 5k

tags: fluff, jelle, wlw, bisexual, lesbian, summer vacation, holiday, bali, swimming with dolphins halloween, autumn, fall, candy, dressing up, christmas, winter, snow, snowman, hot chocolate, presents, easter, spring, easter bunny, chocolate eggs, easter egg hunt, cookies, baking, flirting, marriage, criminal minds, fbi, lesbian elle greenaway, bisexual jennifer jareau, love, parenting, mom elle greenaway, mom jennifer jareau, fluff.

notes: will be posting on ao3 I hope you enjoy!

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Summer:

Elle laid back on the sand with her sunglasses covering her eyes. She propped herself up on her elbows when she heard a little screech and a giggle knowing exactly who it came from. She lifted her sunglasses to get a better view of the scene in front of her.

Down by the ocean blue sea her wife and daughter were building sandcastles. She had met Jennifer Jareau through work almost four years ago when her daughter was just 5 months old and in her opinion, she couldn’t have found a better person to raise her child with.

JJ had treated Lyra as if she was her own right from the start.

The two of them had only taken Lyra on two vacations abroad and on both occasions, JJ would insist on Elle relaxing in the sun while she entertained the young girl.

She watched as JJ pulled Lyra onto her lap hugging her tightly as Lyra’s damp brunette curls stuck to the blonde’s skin. She loved them both so much.

Elle rested her sunglasses on top of her head before getting up and going over to her family, “What are my babies building?”

“Mommy! Mama and me build castles!” Lyra looked up at her with her big brown eyes.

“It looks really good baby,” Elle said looking at JJ with a smile that the blonde woman could read as her heart melting over her daughter.

Lyra climbed from JJ’s lap and reached her hands up to Elle making a grabbing motion indicating she wanted to be picked up.

Elle immediately lifted her up resting her on her hip, “I love you my princess you’re so adorable aren’t you?” she kissed the tip of her nose making her giggle.

“I wanna swim in the pool at the hotel,” Lyra pouted blinking her long eyelashes at her mommy.

“You need more sunscreen before we do anything, baby,” Elle looked at JJ, “And so do you my love you’re going pink.”

JJ groaned, “Why do you always pick such hot places we aren’t all blessed with golden skin.”

“Well I love you the way you are,” Elle kissed her cheek once she was standing.

Lyra started to whine with a frown on her face.

“What’s wrong Ly?” Elle twirled her finger in her daughter’s hair.

“Who’s gonna look after my sandcastles when we go back?” Her eyes were wet like she was about to cry.

“The mermaid will look after these ones and you can build new ones when we come back,” Elle told her.

Lyra’s small hands gripped onto a piece of Elle’s hair, the little girl was very clingy with her and JJ she never wanted them to not be with her, “But I made them they mine.”

“I took a picture sweetheart,” JJ rubbed Lyra’s back.

A young woman sat not too far away and listened to some of their conversation smiling before deciding to speak up, “Would you like me to watch your sand castles for you?”

Both Elle and JJ turned to see the woman talking and Lyra nodded her head, “Yes please!”

The woman smiled, “No problem.”

“What do you say, honey?” JJ prompted.

“Thank you,” Lyra smiled widely, her dimples showing. They were one of JJ’s favourite things, they were exactly like Elle’s.

“It’s no problem, you’re a beautiful family. You and your mommy are similar,” The woman complimented.

“Thank you so much,” Elle smiled.

“You’re welcome, I hope I have kids as cute as her one day.”

“Do you wanna be friends?” Lyra asked wriggling in her mom’s arms to be put down.

The woman laughed, “Of course!”

Elle let Lyra down and the small girl ran the small distance towards the raven-haired woman, “My name is Lyra!”

“My name is Emily,” She shook the girl’s hand.

“I’m Jennifer and that’s my wife, Elle,” JJ smiled as she laced her fingers with Elle’s.

“Who you come with Emily?” Lyra asked.

“I came here with a friend of mine and my girlfriend they both stayed by the pool at the resort though.”

“You come back with us,” Lyra turned to Elle, “We can make more friends Mommy.”

“Who will look after your sandcastles though? Emily asked.

“The mermaids! They have pretty wavy pink hair and magic tails!”

“Okay if you’re sure I’ll come back with you,” Emily laughed.

“Can you carry me?” Lyra gave her puppy dog eyes.

“No Ly,” Elle shook her head, “If you want to be carried Mama or I will carry you.”

“Fineeee,” She pouts, stomping her feet a little.

“Lyra none of that or we won’t be able to go to the play area later,” JJ said.

“Okay, mama I do as I told.”

Elle helped Lyra up onto JJ’s back for a piggyback ride.

“How did you guys meet?” Emily asked Elle once they began walking back to the hotel.

“At work, I was working with the sex crimes unit of the FBI before I had Lyra and while I was off there was an opening in the department where JJ was working, she’s a media liaison and that’s where we met when I got the job there, Lyra was 5 months old,” Elle told her smiling the entire time.

“Oh, it’s like fate you got the job then. I’ve actually been working for Interpol, some of my friends work for the FBI,” Emily replied.

“Oh wow, that’s… Small world huh but also an awesome job, what about your girlfriend?”

“She's a cardiologist.”

“Wow, that must be stressful.”

“Mommy! Are we still swimming with dolphins tomorrow?” Lyra interrupted because she felt left out of the conversation.

“Yes baby,” Elle laughs.

“I’m guessing she’s your only child?” Emily says.

“Mhm, we want more but Lyra is enough for us now honestly I couldn’t even imagine trying to share my love for her with another child, she’s my entire world,” Elle gushed as she watched her daughter pulling on her wife’s hair.

“It would be easy once you had more than one but I can see what you mean she’s perfect.”

“Oh, she really is I couldn’t imagine her being any other way.”

“There’s my friend and my girlfriend,” Emily pointed to the other side of the pool where a blonde girl was sitting with someone who looked familiar to Elle.

“Isn’t that Derek?” JJ asked pointing to where Emily had just pointed.

“Uncle Derek?!” Lyra shouted pretty loudly.

“Wow this really is a small world,” Emily laughed.

“Hi pumpkin, What are you doing here?” Derek asked Lyra taking her off JJ’s back.

“Mommy’s took me on holiday!” The girl squealed at the end of her sentence, “I build castles in the sand.”

“Wow did you? You’re so clever,” Derek sat on the sun lounge with her.

“Will you come swimming with me and Mommy, Mama does not want to come in now and someone needs to look after Mommy in case she is not able to swim,” Lyra asked.

“Baby, I know how to swim,” Elle laughed.

“Just in case I said.”

“Yeah I’ll come in with you why don’t you Mommy and Mama stay here we can handle the pool can’t we?” Derek said tickling her.

“Stop!” she giggled loudly, “Yeah we be fine on our own.”

“You don’t have to Derek,” Elle said.

“Are you kidding I want to hang out with my favourite girl you guys relax.”

“I would kiss you right now if,” JJ started before earning a glare from Elle, “… If you were my wife.”

Derek laughed, “Get acquainted with Em and Marissa, we won’t be in there too long and we will stay at the end closest to here.”

Elle nodded, “Okay thank you, If you ever want her for a sleepover let us know,” She winked.

“Sorry, a three-year-old crying all night isn’t exactly a chick magnet.”

“Worth a try to get some alone time with my wife,” Elle shrugged.

JJ rolled her eyes at Elle asking Derek to take their daughter for the night, “You’ll just have to wait until we are home.”

The next morning Lyra woke her moms by trying to wiggle her way into the middle of them in bed despite the fact there was barely a gap due to how they were cuddling.

JJ was the first to wake up and realise, “Hi honey.”

“Hi Mama, let me in,” Lyra gave her puppy dog eyes.

“Okay, but it’s only 6 am so you need to be super quiet and let Mommy sleep,” JJ helped her into the middle.

Lyra touched her mom’s face lightly, “Mommy is really pretty,” she whispered.

“She is, isn’t she?” JJ said stroking Lyra’s hair.

“Do you think I’m pretty because Mommy made meee?”

“I think you’re gorgeous honey but try to sleep for a little longer so you have lots of energy for the dolphins,” JJ placed a kiss on the little girl's head.

Elle woke up first the next time as she could feel little feet kicking around, the clock said 8:30 am. Deciding that was a good time to get up she quietly climbed out of bed and went to the small kitchenette in their room to make a cup of coffee.

Once it was ready she stood in the doorway of the bedroom sipping on it while she watched her wife and daughter sleeping but JJ quickly felt her stare which awakened her from her slumber.

“What are you doing? You’re so creepy,” JJ groaned sleepily.

“It’s not creepy you’re my wife and she’s my daughter I love you both, do you want some coffee?” Elle said approaching her with her lips pouted ready for a kiss.

“Yes please my love,” JJ said before kissing her lips.

Elle and JJ held hands while Lyra skipped in front of them on the way to the dolphin pool, the small girl had already asked her mom's countless questions that neither of them really had the answer to.

Lyra abruptly stopped in front of them, “Wait! What do they eat?”

“Fish probably sweetheart,” Elle answered.

“Oh… Okay!” She continued skipping.

“She’s so strange sometimes,” Elle whispered to JJ.

“Hm she gets it from you you’re a little weird sometimes,” JJ kissed her cheek.

Lyra gasped seeing the dolphins swimming in the pool, “Can you believe we are really swimming with dolphins?!”

“Honestly… not really that thought actually makes me feel rather sick,” JJ answered.

“Honey you don’t have to, she and I can just do it together, you can watch?”

“Oh yeah, I want pictures Mama!” Lyra whined.

“Well I guess it’s decided then, but you have to be a good girl and listen to Mommy I know you don’t like it but she’s just trying to keep you safe okay?” JJ told the girl.

“Got it!” Lyra said pulling off her pink Hello Kitty tank top and blue hibiscus print skirt to reveal her bathing suit covered in flowers, “Armbands please.”

JJ took the armbands from the bag while Elle slipped her cream crochet dress off to reveal her low cut halter neck black swimsuit, “You’re wearing that?” JJ's eyes widened.

“What’s wrong with it?” Elle said looking down.

“You look beautiful but honey it’s a bit revealing, and you’re swimming with dolphins your boob could easily pop out of the side of that they barely fit in there as it is.”

“I don’t know why you’re complaining you love them and you loved this swimsuit on our honeymoon,” Elle smirked.

“You weren’t in a pool swimming with dolphins, children and other children’s parents on our honeymoon,” JJ raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on it’s fine,” Elle dragged out the ‘e’ before taking Lyra’s hand, “Come on baby let’s go.”

Elle and Lyra spent an hour swimming with the dolphins while JJ took way too many pictures but she wanted to take as many as possible to put in a scrapbook to show Lyra when she was older.

——————

Autumn/fall:

Lyra dramatically dropped her marker pens on her colouring table with a loud sigh.

“What's wrong princess?” Elle asked from the sofa.

“It’s Halloween I need to get trick or treating!”

“It’s only 3 pm we are going as soon as Mama is home from work,” Elle said getting up and standing behind Lyra stroking her wavy hair.

“I hate waiting can I get dressed now!” Lyra kicked her legs around.

“I suppose but Mama wanted to see you.”

“Film it and we can go visit her at work when I am ready,” Lyra giggled getting up from the pink plastic chair.

“Well I’ll have to check with Mama first, baby,” Elle took out her phone and texted JJ.

Elle: hey honey, any confirmation on the time you’re going to be home?

JJ: Not yet, we aren’t too busy though so 6:30?

Elle: Ly wants to get in her costume now and come to the bureau

JJ: Aww Spence would love to see her dressed up as would I of course.

Elle: So that’s fine with you?

JJ: Depends are you dressing up too?

Elle: I will put the witch hat on for you

JJ: And the black dress please, you look gorgeous.

Elle: I’ll consider it.

JJ: 😏 I can’t wait to see you, and our little monster.

Elle followed Lyra into her bedroom, “Mama said that’s fine, do you know where your costume is?”

Lyra nodded and pointed at the closet.

“And the pink boots?”

“Ummm, in your shoe room maybe, I played dress up in there.”

“Okay see if you can find them love,” Elle said opening the closet to find the Monsters Inc. costume.

Elle helped Lyra into her costume, she looked adorable. After a few pictures she put on the long black tight-fitting velvet dress with her witch hat, “How does Mommy look?” she asked finishing putting on her deep wine-red lipstick.

Lyra gasped, “So pretty, Mama is gonna love it.”

Elle and Lyra walked out of the elevator hand in hand. JJ was already waiting by the glass door for them. When she saw them she pushed the door open.

“Mama, Am I cute?” Lyra asked, letting go of Elle’s hand and running to JJ.

JJ picked her up and kissed her nose, “The cutest monster I’ve ever seen.”

“What about Mommy, she cute too?” Lyra pointed at Elle.

“Oh your Mommy is the most beautiful,” JJ told her putting her down and taking Elle’s hand.

“Lyra! Don’t you look adorable wow,” Spencer said from his desk.

“I’m Sully!” Lyra said running towards him.

“I can see that, I’m a huge Monsters Inc. fan.”

“Really? It’s my favouriteeee.”

Across the room, Elle had taken her hat off her head placing it on JJ.

“You look sexy,” JJ smirked and placed a hand on Elle’s ass while they were in each other’s arms.

“You look sexy,” Elle said looking down at JJ’s tight shirt that she was sure was hers before kissing her.

“Ew gross!” Lyra shouted from Spencer’s arms.

The two women pulled back and made their way over to their daughter and Spencer.

“Honey you need to be quiet people are working,” Elle told her.

“When trick or treat? It's already 5 pm Spencer said,” Lyra pouted.

“How about we go now?” JJ said.

“Yeah! Now now now,” Lyra wriggled in Spencer’s arms.

“Okay let me go get my things,” JJ said before leaving them.

Lyra ran up to the first house on their street with Elle and JJ not far behind. She had a pumpkin-shaped basket in her small hand as she used the other hand to knock on the door.

“Trick or TREAT!” Lyra said yelling ‘treat’ rather loudly clearly showing her intentions of why she was at the house earning a laugh from the man and the door and the two women.

“Aren’t you a super cute monster,” he said bending down.

“Yeah candy please,” Lyra grinned.

“Honey that’s rude, you wait until you are given candy,” Elle told her.

“It’s fine,” the man laughs putting a couple of pieces of candy in Lyra’s bucket before returning to his usual height and looking at Elle, “I haven’t seen you around here.”

“We don’t live far just up the road!” Lyra answered.

“Well your Mommy is very beautiful I wouldn’t mind seeing her more often,” the man had a small smirk on his face when he was looking at Elle.

“Which one?” Lyra asked.

The man raised an eyebrow, “What one?”

“Yeah? They are both my mommies. Kiss,” Lyra ordered turning to her moms.

JJ put her arm around Elle, “We aren’t kissing honey come on go to the next house.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realise…”

“It’s fine,” Elle offered a small smile until Lyra took the lead running off to the next house.

——————

Winter:

Christmas Eve was a pretty big deal in their house, it wasn’t before Elle met JJ but ever since she had Christmas Eve was just as important as Christmas Day.

One of JJ’s favourite things about Christmas was getting to make Christmas Eve boxes for them all. She enjoyed having a day off work with Elle and going to department stores to find cute matching pyjamas for the three of them, movies they could watch together and mugs for their hot chocolates. Elle just loved to see her this happy.

The family of three sat on the sofa snuggled into each other with many pillows and blankets watching the nightmare before Christmas.

“So Mommy, Santa Claus is definitely coming tonight yeah?” Lyra asked looking up at Elle with her sparkling brown eyes.

“Yes baby, you’ll have lots and lots of presents to open,” Elle stroked her head.

“What? More than today’s box?!” Lyra gasped with a grin on her face.

“Yes you’ll have more presents than today, the Christmas Eve box is a few things I picked out for you they aren’t from Santa,” JJ explained.

“Thank you, Mama, I love us being matchy in comfy pyjamas,” Lyra cuddled into the side of her.

“I love it too princess,” JJ kissed the side of her head and smiled at Elle.

“When are you going to get married together?” Lyra asked playing with the edge of her blanket but also still focusing on the TV.

“Honey, we are married. We got married last year, you were our flower girl,” Elle told her.

“Really? When I was two?”

Elle nodded, “Yeah baby you don’t remember?”

“Not really,” Lyra pouted.

“That’s okay, me and Mommy can show you pictures sweetie,” JJ said.

“Hm kay, not now I getting sweepy and Santa Claus might be here soon,” Lyra spoke her eyes closing every couple of seconds.

“Who do you want to take you to bed?”

“Both you please,” Lyra gave both her mom’s cute wide puppy dog eyes.

“Of course sweetheart,” Elle stood from the sofa picking Lyra up. The small girl immediately threw her arms around her and clung to her like a koala.

The two women sat beside Lyra’s bed as she curled up in her princess duvet before they started their ‘goodnight routine’ which was saying I love you lots of times and big cuddles and kisses.

Once she was drifting off they turned on her night light and left the room with JJ’s arm around Elle’s waist and her hand resting on her hip.

“Excited for Christmas my love?” Elle asked after kissing JJ.

“I think it’s going to be snowing. Should we wrap the presents?”

“Probably if you want our daughter to have presents to open,” Elle laughed.

JJ looked into Elle’s eyes and placed her hands on her cheeks before leaning in a little, “I love you so much and I love it when you call her our daughter, I love spending my favourite holiday with you both,” JJ finished her mini speech with a small peck on Elles's lips.

“We both love you so much Jay even if you make us put the Christmas tree up in November,” Elle said before going to get the wrapping paper and tape.

At 6 am Lyra ran into her mom’s room and jumped onto the bed waking them up.

“It’s snowing, it’s snowing! Let's go outside!” She kept repeating until she got an answer.

“Honey, it’s only six in the morning, don’t you want to open your presents and have breakfast first?” Elle asked still with her eyes closed.

“No outside first please Mommy it’s going to melt,” the small girl pouted.

“We will go, give Mommy a couple more minutes I’m sure she’ll meet us outside with hot chocolate. Right, babe?” JJ said kissing Elle’s cheek.

“Mhm sounds like a plan, my love,” Elle curled back up in the duvet.

“That means you’ll have to get out of bed,” JJ ran her blunt fingernails up and down Elle’s back.

“Come onnnn,” Lyra whined.

“I’m coming sweetheart,” JJ slipped out of bed, “Go put your warmest coat on and don’t forget to get your hat, gloves and scarf we don’t want you getting sick.”

“Yes Mama, going,” Lyra said while running out of the room.

JJ went over to Elle’s side of the bed and kneeled next to her so they were at the same height, “You can have five minutes because you need to make the drinks and I know you won’t her out there longer than half an hour,” the blonde kissed her lips.

“Yes ma’am,” Elle mumbled.

JJ put on her warmest clothes with her coat and gloves before going to check that Lyra was ready.

The brunette girl was waiting by the door in her pink sparkly snow boots, purple hat with a Hello Kitty logo, black coat and pastel multicoloured scarf. She looked so adorable JJ had to take pictures of her.

The two had been building a snowman for 15 minutes when Elle finally appeared on the porch with 3 mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.

“Oh don’t you both look adorable,” she said placing the drinks down.

“Put a coat on babe! You’re going to get ill,” JJ said looking at Elle in her dressing gown.

“I’m fine, the robe is fluffy,” She smiled sitting down and taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

“Look at my snowman Mommy,” Lyra pointed at the snowman that was around her height.

“Wow, honey did you do that yourself?”

“Uh huh Mama just helped shape him, he needs a scarf he gonna be cold,” Lyra frowned.

“He has to be cold Ly so he lives longer.”

“Oh, kayyy,” Lyra shivered, “I am cold now.”

“Do you want to go inside and open your presents,” JJ asked picking her up.

“Hmm, but I don’t want to leave Mr snow.”

“That’s okay we can look from the window.”

Lyra nodded, snuggling into JJ and closing her eyes until they reached the porch. Since it was cold out they decided to finish their hot chocolates inside.

After opening their presents, Elle and JJ helped Lyra set up her Barbie dream house she got and watched her play for most of the day. It was the perfect Christmas.

——————

Spring:

Easter wasn’t much of an important holiday to them but after hearing about it from her Nursery Lyra decided she wanted the family to go all out with taking part.

Elle had gone into the bureau early to finish up a piece of work and create a small easter egg hunt for Lyra. She knew her daughter would love doing it around their friends and she had approval from Hotch who had decided on doing the same for Jack.

Once the purple and green wrapped chocolate eggs were hidden around the office Elle texted JJ telling her that everything was set up.

Lyra and JJ arrived at the office and Elle was surprised to see Lyra was dressed up as a pink bunny.

“Oh, what’s this baby?” Elle laughed, her daughter looked adorable.

“I wanted to be a bunny! Cute?” Lyra grinned scrunching her nose.

Elle picked her up and kissed her nose, “The cutest bunny I’ve ever seen.”

“Do I get chocolate now?” Lyra asked grabbing strands of the waves in Elles's hair.

“I made you an easter egg hunt,” Elle told her.

“What that?”

“I’ve hidden eight purple eggs around the office do you think you can find them? Not the green ones you have to leave them.”

“Are they chocolate eggs?” Lyra’s eyes lit up.

“Mhm,” Elle hummed, “See if you can find them, if you can’t you can ask one of us to help you.”

Elle sat on her desk as Lyra ran off to find the eggs. JJ perched next to her, “She’s perfect.”

“I know, where did you find that bunny costume?” Elle laughed.

“In the back of the closet, I have no idea where it came from.”

Within a few minutes, Penelope appeared in front of the couple, “Lyra is wearing the easter costume I got her! Isn’t she the most perfect adorable squishy bunny in the world?!”

“Ah I should have known it was from you,” JJ laughed.

“Well duh! I’m the fun one,” Garcia motioned to herself with a little spin.

“She does look pretty cute,” Spencer said.

“We are amazing godparents!” Garcia said to him.

“Well I had no part in the costume but we sure are.”

“Spencie, can you help I can’t find some,” Lyra pouted.

“Your mommy hid them wouldn’t she be the best to ask?”

“But moms say you’re super smarttttt, You’ll know!”

Spencer blushes, “Oh well, yeah I can help, sure.”

“You should let her have a sleepover at mine, I’ll invite Spencer over she’d love it!” Penelope exclaimed.

“Sold, I want a night alone with my wife,” Elle said.

JJ rolled her eyes, “We will think about it, she’s still quite young for sleepovers.”

“They are her godparents what could go wrong?” Elle shrugged.

“Mommy I found them!” Lyra ran back with the eggs in her basket.

“Let’s count them,” JJ said.

“1…2…3,4…5,6… and 7,” Lyra said as JJ picked them out.

“You still have one more to find honey.”

“But I looked everywhere,” Lyra pouted with a little frown.

“Have you checked Mommy’s desk?” JJ asked.

“Not yet!” Lyra climbed under Elle’s desk.

“Darling please be careful you don’t hit your head,” Elle said.

“I found it!” she said climbing out from under the table and showing her moms and Penelope proudly.

“Well done baby,” Elle said in a baby voice.

Lyra giggled, “Wait! We lost Spencie.”

“Oh no, where did you leave him?” JJ asked.

“Ummm coffee machine I think,” the small brunette began to unwrap one of her chocolate eggs, “Can we go home soon? I wanna make bunny cookies.”

Elle nodded, “Yeah honey, just give me like 10 minutes okay? Jack will be here soon if you want to see him.”

“Not today. COOKIES!”

“I’ll take her to the car, you finish up,” JJ kissed Elle’s lips softly before picking Lyra up, “Come on princess.”

“No! I’m a bunny today not a princess,” Lyra whined putting her thumb in her mouth and resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

“I think you’re a sleepy bunny,” Elle said stroking her hand down her daughter's back.

“If you wanted to be a bit longer I could take her home now. She could have a nap,” JJ asked Elle.

Elle looked at the pile of papers on her desk, “Yeah, I have my car here anyways. I’ll be about an hour.”

“Okay, I love you see you soon,” JJ leaned closer to her wife.

“I love you too,” Elle closed the gap kissing her.

“I’m home,” The brunette woman whispered but loud enough so JJ would be able to hear if she was downstairs and placed her keys on the table near the front door.

“Hi beautiful,” JJ wrapped her arms around her in the hallway.

They stayed hugging for a few moments but the conversation didn’t stop, “Is Ly still sleeping?”

“Yeah, she was so tired she fell asleep in the car on the way back.”

“Any reason why you’re so cuddly today?” Elle asked remembering how she woke up with JJ attached to her side cuddling her then as well.

“I just love you so much and I want to spend every second of every day loving you and cuddling you and kissing you,” JJ pulled back from the hug and looked into Elle’s eyes.

“I love you too Jay, more than you know. Did you get started on those cookies?”

“Kind of? Do you think she’ll be mad?”

Elle shook her head, “Doubtful she just wants to decorate them.”

“Wanna help finish making them?” JJ asked taking Elle’s hand in hers.

“Always,” Elle let her drag her into the kitchen.

Their baking was sidetracked after Elle flicked some of the flour out of the bowl that went over JJ’s clothes. At first, the younger woman was not exactly impressed nor happy but once Elle allowed her to do it back and it turned into a little food fight they were both laughing with each other which resulted in a make-out session with JJ on the kitchen counter until they heard on the baby monitor they still had that Lyra had woken up.

Elle helped JJ fix her shirt that she had started unbuttoning to get to her collarbone a few minutes ago and quickly wiped her lipstick that had smudged on both of their mouths as they heard little feet on the stairs.

Both of them were presentable by the time their daughter wandered into the kitchen with her thumb in her mouth and her blanket in her other hand.

“Did you sleep well, baby?” Elle said.

The child nodded, “Ready to do cookies.”

JJ looked at the timer on her phone, “They have five more minutes sweetheart.”

Once the timer went off and the cookies had cooled down the three of them all took a few cookies each other using small icing tubes to create patterns on easter eggs and easter bunnies.

[criminalmindsverse]

CRIMINAL MINDS 2.21 — "Open Season"

[tomcriuse]

CRIMINAL MINDS 2.08 'Empty Planet'

[rynbutt]

safe. | spencer reid.

You were pregnant but JJ had just left the team and they needed you. You hadn't told anyone; you hadn't even told Spencer.

my masterlist!

cw: fem!reader, pregnant!reader, guns, violence, mentions of murder, mentions of drugs (antidepressants and opioids), mentions of car accident, gunshot wounds, death of pregnant woman, general criminal minds themes.

wc: 6.2k

a/n: bruh this was a looooong one! dw some banging smut coming in the next one with post-prison reid >:3

now playing... Fare Well by Hozier

This was really starting to piss you off.

You fell to your knees as bile pushed up your throat, your skin paling as you vomited for the third time today. You tried to keep something, anything, down but you would just wind up curled in on yourself and sweating in the corner of the bathroom stall. You ate a couple of crackers and sipped on water to keep your empty stomach satiated– But you always ended up right back here on the bathroom floor with your head between your knees trying to will the pain away.

Emily noticed your pale complexion and how exhausted you looked, offering to get you some medicine or ask Hotch about sitting out of the next few cases. You told her you were fine, that it was just stress. That answer seemed to satisfy her enough, though she wasn’t fully convinced. To be fair, your workload had increased tenfold since JJ was forced to accept the job at the Pentagon, and you missed her terribly but you were proud of her. But you really could have used her advice right about now.

Because you swore this baby had it out for you.

You found out you were pregnant just over a week ago and you still hadn’t told Spencer. You were still wrapping your head around the whole thing because initially, you didn’t think you were pregnant, you just thought your body was dealing with the stress and workload in, frankly, a bizarre way. Hotch had wanted you to take over doing JJ’s job as communication liaison, which were rather important shoes to fill. He had total faith in your ability to do JJ’s job as well as do your own as a profiler, but you weren’t so sure anymore. 

You would tell Spencer when you were ready and right now was not a good time. Everyone was surviving on four hours of sleep a night, far too many cups of coffee and sheer willpower. The absolute last thing they needed was to lose another team member. So you soldiered on like a champion– a champion who still held her head over the bureau’s less than impressive toilet while she threw her guts up.

“Y/N?” You didn’t even hear the bathroom door open, the ringing rattling around your skull distracting you from your surroundings. Penelope’s heels clicked against the tiles as she cautiously peered around the wall of the last stall where you kneeled on the ground. “Oh my god, sweet thing! What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine, Pen,” your voice was hoarse when you finally replied. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and tried to smooth your hair down, attempting to look at least semi-presentable before you left the bathroom to pretend everything was okay.

“No, no, my girl, you are not fine!” Penelope stood in behind you, pulling your hair out of your face as you vomited the last remnant of your soul into the toilet. “You need to talk to Hotch, you’ve got a bug or something, my dear. You shouldn’t even be at work when you’re this sick, let me talk to him for you and you just go home–”

“I’m not sick, Penelope!” You didn’t mean to shout at her, you really didn’t, you just felt awful and felt like a shell of yourself with how poorly you’d been sleeping and eating paired with all the stress of doing JJ’s job as well as your own. It was just a lot.

Penelope went quiet but stayed close to you, still holding your hair as you sat back on your heels, running your hands down your face. She let out a soft sigh, knowing you didn’t mean to shout at her. Penelope was stressed too– everyone was.

“I’m sorry, Pen,” you mumbled, your throat hurting from all the vomiting and coughing you’d managed to do today– it had to be a record honestly. 

Penelope just shook her head at you, reaching her hand out toward you, “you don’t have to apologise, sweet girl, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.” You shook your head, you still felt bad and shouting at sweet Penelope was not the way to deal with all the emotions swirling around in your head.

“It’s not fair,” you replied as she helped you to your feet, gently guiding you over to the basin to help you clean yourself up. “You’re stressed too, I didn’t mean to yell.”

Penelope brushed some of your hair out of your face, her gaze narrowing as she watched you, waiting for you to tell her what was going on. It never came and she knew she would have to push you a little. Penelope thought it was necessary though because seeing you like this was awful and she couldn’t even imagine how Spencer would react if he knew how sick you were.

“What’s going on?” Penelope’s voice was soft; gentle, just trying to get you to talk so she could help. You were stubborn when it came to asking for help and by the time you did, you had hurt yourself more than necessary trying to solve it yourself. Not this time though– Penelope refused.

“I’m okay–” you looked at Penelope and she raised her brows at you, not accepting that answer in the slightest. You sighed, knowing this is a fight you wouldn’t win. “I’m pregnant.”

Penelope’s jaw nearly hit the floor. She knew something was up with you but pregnant? That was not on this year's bingo card. “What?? Y/N that’s–” she gauged your expression and she really couldn’t tell if you were upset or happy about being pregnant. She cut herself off before she finished her sentence, pulling her lips into a line. “Are we happy about this news or are we…?”

“We’re…” you were happy. Honestly, you were. You and Spencer had talked about having kids one day, ideally after you were married but that didn’t seem to be going to plan. You’d been with Spencer for three years, in the BAU for four, it’s not like your relationship was new or in the honeymoon phase, it just wasn’t the original plan and that scared the hell out of you. But you were happy to be carrying his child– the timing was just piss poor. “We’re happy… just scared.”

“Oh, baby,” Penelope cooed. “Of course you’re scared, it’s a huge adjustment. But I know you and I know Spencer, you guys will nail this parenting business.” Penelope managed to prove time and time again why she was your best friend. You often wondered if she knew you better than you knew yourself, which wouldn’t really surprise you given her job.

“I hope so.” You smiled softly, feeling somewhat human again after splashing water on your face and washing your hands. You knew Spencer would be a good dad, he was so good with kids and he was so gentle and patient with you. He was meant to be a dad. You just weren’t sure if you were meant to be a mother. You wanted to be a family with Spencer, it made you feel warm just thinking about it, but you were a person who worried about almost everything, even the things out of your control. What scared you was how in control you were. 

“I’m surprised Spencer hasn’t told everyone, that boy is obsessed with you and you’re making him a dad? God, it must be killing him sitting on this–” Penelope suddenly looked at you wide-eyed, connecting the dots all on her own. You winced as you watched her figure it out, gritting your teeth as she let out a soft gasp. “You haven’t told him?!”

You covered your face with your hands, letting out a muffled squeal of frustration into your palms. You would tell him eventually, just not right now, he was far too busy and was already stressing about his own workload, you couldn’t imagine how much more stressed he would be if he found out you were still in the field while pregnant.

“Pen, please,” you turned to her, “please keep this to yourself. I– We can’t deal with this right now. JJ’s gone and everyone is worked to the bone, I can’t do this to everyone right now, especially Spencer.” Penelope looked at you sympathetically, you knew you were asking a lot of her to keep it to herself, especially when Penelope wasn’t great at keeping secrets.

“Y/N, sweetie, you’re going to have to tell them eventually– You’re an FBI Agent. Being in the field is so dangerous and you don’t just have yourself to think about anymore.” You knew Penelope was right. You carried a gun around for Christ’s sake, you literally hunted down serial killers, active shooters, total psychopaths and everything in between. The field was no place for a pregnant woman. 

“I know, I know,” you sighed, resting both of your hands on the basin in front of you.

“...How far along are you?”

“Twelve weeks,” you said softly, resting your hand against your belly. You didn’t have much of a bump yet but you were sure it would sneak up on you before you even realised. Lucky for you, you wore a lot of baggy sweaters around the office so you had some wriggle room when it came to hiding it.

“...My money’s on a girl,” Penelope was trying to make you feel better. She really was helping because the idea of Spencer hosting tea parties, getting covered in kitten stickers and his hair being covered in tiny butterfly clips made your heart swell.

You let out a soft laugh, “I think so too.”

“Alright, my love, I think we should leave this bathroom before they send out a search party,” Penelope laughed, linking her arm with yours to guide you out of the bathroom. 

You honestly did feel better after talking to Penelope and throwing the rest of your guts up. She made sure to remind you about ten times to call her if you needed anything, you promised you would because it did make you feel better knowing that someone knew about your pregnancy and you didn’t have to bear the weight of the news alone.

You sat down at your desk with a sigh, sipping on your water bottle to soothe your raw throat. You popped a piece of gum in your mouth, willing the taste of bile away. You let out a huff of air as you stared down at all the paperwork you had to do. Doing JJ’s job proved to be intense, especially when you were doing your own work on top of her’s. You picked up your pen when you felt Spencer press a kiss to the crown of your head as he placed a mug of hot coffee on your desk in front of you.

You smiled, craning your neck to look up at him. Spencer took the opportunity to kiss you softly, one of his hands resting on the side of your desk while the other rested on the back of your chair. You smiled against his lips, “shouldn’t you be working?” You teased.

“Are you trying to get me to go away?” Spencer looked at you curiously. You rolled your eyes playfully because of course you didn’t want him to go away. If anything, you wanted him to pick you up and take you home right this second.

“Yes, Spencer,” you replied sarcastically, “I’m trying to get you to go away.” Spencer wasn’t great with sarcasm but he had come to understand your humour over the years. He just grinned and pressed another kiss to your lips.

“Sarcasm is rooted in truth, angel,” Spencer retorted with a gentle smile. 

“I am joking, but we both have a lot of work to do, Spence. I don’t know how I’m going to manage doing JJ’s job as well as my own,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair.

“There’s a reason Hotch wanted you to do it. I don’t think he could have picked anyone more capable,” Spencer replied. Maybe it was the hormones and the fact you were carrying a baby, but the comment made you want to cry. Spencer frowned as he watched your face fall, “what’s wrong, angel?”

“No, nothing,” You replied, sniffling quietly. You gave him a genuine smile, “I’m fine, Spence. I promise–”

“New case just came in,” Morgan called to the two of you, gesturing toward the meeting room at the back of the office with a manila folder in his hand. 

You looked at Morgan with a confused expression because now it was your job to decide what cases the team took after JJ’s departure. Morgan told you the case went straight to Hotch this time; an old friend had called in a favour. 

Spencer pulled a chair out for you, taking the seat right beside you in the meeting room. You opened the case file the moment Penelope dropped it in front of you.

“The victims are 20-year-old Evan Miller and 21-year-old Daniel Clark, both engineering students at Caltech. They were shot three days apart outside their family homes in the local area of Pasadena, California.” You followed along with Penelope as she gave a run down of the victims and the circumstances of their deaths.

The killings were straightforward, the UnSub didn’t try to dispose of the bodies and the men were simply shot in the head execution style. It didn’t seem like the doings of a serial killer who would usually seek some kind of sexual release from torturing and killing their victims. If anything, it seemed like revenge killings.

“They were just shot?” Emily questioned, eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the crime scene photos. 

“Once in the head,” Hotch replied, “there were no witnesses around which suggests the UnSub knew the routine of the victims and the neighbourhood.”

“Could be a stalker?” Penelope suggested.

“Stalker victims are usually the object of a stalker’s affection, they rarely act in violence let alone such a blunt killing,” You replied, confused by the nature of such a straightforward murder.

Spencer flicked through the victim’s files, “the single shot to the head suggests the UnSub just wanted them dead. No physical evidence of sexual release or torture… This could be some kind of revenge killing.”

“Did these victims know each other?” You asked.

“According to their parents, they came from the same friend group,” Penelope replied. 

“Wheels up in thirty. Garcia, you're coming with us. Get your go bag,” Hotch said, quickly standing up from his chair. Penelope made a small noise of surprise before quickly ushering out of the meeting room. Hotch didn’t usually have Penelope come along but given you were short a very valuable member of your team, Penelope had started coming along more often. Not that you would ever complain having Penelope around. 

You pinned up the last of the crime scene photos on the board, standing back with your hands on your hips. Spencer was writing on the whiteboard next to you, jotting down all the things you knew about the victims and possible motives of the UnSub. Hotch and Morgan were engaging in formalities with the local detectives on the case while Penelope got herself settled in the makeshift office they had set up for the team. 

“The parents of the victims are here,” Emily poked her head into the office. “Y/N, Hotch wants you to talk to Ben and Sarah Miller, I’ve got the Clarks.”

“Alright, I got it,” you replied, letting out a dejected sigh. 

“You okay?” Spencer gently tucked some of your hair behind your ear, turning his full attention to you. You let out another sigh, nodding your head tiredly. “You can do this,” he said quietly, his eyes shifting between yours.

“Yeah, I know,” you smiled softly. Spencer planted a soft kiss on your cheek before leaving the office, leaving Spencer and Penelope alone. 

“...I think she needs a break,” Penelope said after a beat. 

Spencer looked at her, eyebrows furrowed, “what makes you say that?”

Penelope tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, “she’s doing JJ’s job and her own. I mean, I think she’s the right girl for the job but… you know what she’s like.”

Spencer sighed, he knew exactly what you were like. You always held yourself and your work to such a high standard and you often overworked yourself to make everyone happy. “Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to her when we get back to the hotel.”

“I think that’s a great idea, lover boy,” Penelope grinned.

You opened the office door, files in hand. Mr and Mrs Miller immediately stood up as you entered and you gave them a sympathetic smile. Mrs Miller had clearly been crying, still clutching a tissue in her hand while her husband paced around the office.

“Please, have a seat, Mr Miller,” you said gently.

“I’ll stand,” he replied firmly. You decided not to argue and sat down on the chair opposite the couch where Mrs Miller sat.

“Mrs Miller, I’m Agent L/N, I’m with the Behavioural Analysis Unit in the FBI–”

“FBI?” She questioned. “Was Evan in trouble?”

“We suspect he and his friend Daniel were killed by the same person,” you explained. Mrs Miller let out a soft gasp, her hand coming to rest over her mouth. 

“Is it alright if I ask you a few questions about Evan?” You asked. Sarah didn’t say anything but she nodded her head, fresh tears forming in her eyes. “Daniel and Evan knew each other, right?”

“They went to high school together,” Sarah replied, her voice shaking. “They were so excited when they both got into Caltech,” she smiled sadly, fresh tears streaming down her face.

“Do you have any idea who killed our son?” Ben asked, his voice sounding angry.

“That’s what we’re here for,” you said, “we’re here to find who killed your son and why–”

“‘Why”?” Ben repeated, “he was just a kid.”

You sighed softly, “I understand that, sir. We’re just trying to figure out a possible connection.”

“Evan and Daniel were good kids. They would never hurt a fly,” Sarah frowned, sniffling softly as she began crying again. 

“Did Daniel and Evan hang around the same social groups?” You asked, turning your attention to Mr Miller, who was still pacing around the office with his arms crossed. “Maybe in some kind of extracurricular activities?”

“They were both on the college basketball team,” Ben said after a beat. “Why? You think this asshole is going to kill more of these kids?”

“I am just trying to get an idea of the social groups Evan and Daniel were a part of,” you didn’t want to get into the gory details of why you were asking such questions and decided they were both far too emotional for you to keep asking them questions; you would let Hotch handle it. “I need to speak with my team but I’ll be right outside if you need anything.” You rested a hand on Mrs Miller’s shoulder and you couldn’t shake how much you missed JJ doing this part.

You let out a sigh as you left the office, rubbing the tension in the back of your neck. You slowly walked over to Hotch, “Evan was on the Caltech Basketball team, he and Daniel went to high school together and Evan’s parents were adamant he was a good kid. I think he was a good kid, just got involved with the wrong people.”

Hotch let out a breath, “I want you and Prentiss to go to the school, talk to the faculty, basketball team coach, anything you can get.”

You nodded, gesturing to Emily on the other side of the bullpen. She firmly nodded at you and the two of you left for the school.

The team worked the case for two days before another body showed up. Everyone was starting early and finishing late to find the person who was doing this and you worked closely with the detectives and other officers on the case. Hotch gave the profile as soon as the team was certain but given the demographic of the suburban areas he was targeting these boys, it was rather unremarkable. The third body belonged to 21-year-old Oliver Marsh, another Caltech student studying Physics. He was shot once in the head while walking his dog no further than a block from his house. 

You stood in the middle of Oliver’s bedroom staring at the posters and certificates that littered his walls. Spencer rifled through papers on his desk, mostly finding papers related to physics journals and essays for school. Emily and David were downstairs talking to the parents while Hotch and Morgan went to see the crime scene.

You walked over to his bedside table pulling it open. There were a lot of birthday cards and a game boy but what caught your attention was the little clear yellow bottles with white caps. You lifted the first bottle out, reading the label–

“Oliver was taking Oxycodone,” you said softly, catching Spencer’s attention. “...And Escitalopram,” you spun on your heel, showing Spencer the two bottles. Spencer took the bottles from your hands, eyebrows furrowed as he carefully read the labels. “Chronic pain?” you suggested.

“Could be,” Spencer replied. “He could have been taking non-steroidal anti-inflammatories too, they’re typically over the counter.”

You rifled through the drawer again, pulling out a blue box, “Yeah, he was taking Ibuprofen too.”

“We should talk to the parents,” Spencer said. You nodded and the two of you ushered down the stairs to where his parents sat in the living room with David and Emily. “Was Oliver suffering from chronic pain?” Spencer quickly questioned before he even fully made it into the living room.

Oliver’s mother held a tissue to her nose, glancing at Emily with a confused expression. You put your hand on Spencer’s bicep, “Has Oliver injured himself recently? Maybe a fall or injury while playing sports?”

Oliver’s father shook his head, “No, not recently. He’s been on those antidepressants for a few years and takes the codeine when he has– had flare-ups.”

“Flare-ups?” David asked pointedly.

“He was in a car accident four years ago,” Mrs Marsh said, “He was in the passenger seat and was in a coma for two weeks… he hadn’t really been the same after that, got really sad and antisocial… he was in a lot of pain too.”

“He had to stop playing Football and running track, his body just couldn’t keep up,” Mr Marsh added, his eyes glazing over. “He lost a lot of friends, I don’t think I ever saw him hang out with anyone, Physics became everything to him.”

“Do you have evidence of his medical records anywhere?” Spencer asked. “Just so I can look them over.”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Mrs Marsh stood up, Spencer following her to their home office on the other side of the house.

You sat down across from Mr Marsh, “The accident he was in,” you started, “what happened?”

He looked at you with a pain in his eyes, “He was in the car with some of his friends and they were driving home from a party and it was late. I think they were all…” he hesitated for a moment, “they were all drunk.”

“Who was in the car?” Emily asked, not liking where this was going.

“...Evan Miller and Daniel Clark,” his father began to cry, holding his hand over his mouth. You felt your eyes widen, this was a revenge killing.

“Who was driving, Mr Marsh?” David asked quickly.

“Um, god–” He sniffled softly, “Peter… Peter something, he was older than them, I really don’t remember.”

“Thank you, Mr Marsh,” You stood up, quickly moving to the front door to call Penelope. You pulled out your phone, dialling her number. She picked up after the first ring.

“How may I be of service, oh queen of my country?” she sang, her fingers typing furiously against her keyboard. 

“I need you to look into an accident for me, four years ago,” you said with your hand on your hip. “Oliver Marsh, Daniel Clark and Evan Miller were all in the accident too. See if you can find newspaper articles, news segments, anything– I think we know who the last target is.”

“Right, give me a moment,” Penelope replied. You heard her typing before she stopped, “Oh no…” she mumbled softly.

“What’s wrong, Pen?” You furrowed your brows.

“Peter Harvey,” Penelope sighed, “he’s the last boy… He was driving with three other high school boys; Oliver, Daniel and Evan when they struck an oncoming car and killed a pregnant woman on impact; her husband walked away without a scratch.”

“Shit.” You cursed, “What’s his name?”

“Jonathan Hughes, his wife was Katherine… she was 8 months pregnant, Y/N.” Penelope sounded so pained and you knew she was thinking of you and the small baby you were carrying. “Y/N…”

“I know, Pen… After this case wraps up… I’ll tell everyone,” you replied with a gentle sigh.

“And you’ll take time off?” Penelope sounded like she was lecturing you.

You smiled to yourself, “Yeah, Penelope. I’ll take some time off.”

“Okay… I’ll send Hotch and Morgan Jonathan’s last known address, I’m sending you Peter Harvey’s address–”

Your phone beeped as Penelope sent the address through. “Where would I be without you, Pen?”

“Nowhere good, my love,” you could hear the smile in her voice. You quickly hung up before walking back into the Marsh’s house. 

Emily and David turned to look at you, “We’ve got him.”

“Alright, you guys go, I’ll grab Reid and we’ll be right behind you,” David waved you off and Emily quickly ushered the two of you to the car. 

Emily was speeding toward the address Penelope had given you while you called Hotch and Morgan, filling them in on all the information Penelope had given you. They agreed to go to Jonathan’s address to hopefully intersect him before he left for Peter Harvey. You were always nervous when it came to these parts of the case because you couldn’t control the outcome no matter how hard you tried. A grieving man was going around killing these young men and while it was awful what he was doing; you could sympathise with him and the pain he was feeling over losing his wife and unborn child. 

You instinctively rested a hand over your belly, your thumb stroking the small curve. You couldn’t even imagine how much pain Spencer would be in if he lost you, let alone your child too. You would tell him and you would ask Hotch about taking some time off later in your pregnancy and sitting out of cases like this. 

“Shit he’s already here,” Emily cursed when she noticed Jonathan’s SUV parked a couple of blocks from Peter’s address. “Call Hotch.”

You dialled Hotch’s number and he picked up almost instantly, “What is it, L/N?”

“He’s already here, his SUV is parked a couple blocks down from Peter’s address. He’s already out looking for him,” You quickly said.

“We’re on our way, units are already on route,” he hung up after that. 

Emily pulled the car up on the gutter, the car skidding to a stop. You immediately pushed the door open, holding your gun by your thigh as you ran across the lawn to Peter Harvey’s house. You knocked on the door and a woman answered after a beat.

“Mrs Harvey?” You asked, panting softly.

“Yes?”

“Is your son Peter here?”

“No, he went to the store down the street an hour ago, he should be back soon… What is this about?” She asked, her hand gripping the door in concern.

“We believe someone dangerous may be looking for your son,” Emily said. Mrs Harvey rested her hand over her mouth, a soft gasp leaving her lips.

“Mom?” You spun around and Peter stood with a plastic bag of groceries in his hand in the middle of the lawn.

It all happened almost in slow motion. You saw a figure wearing dark clothes stalking across the lawn and without even thinking, you darted toward Peter as the UnSub pulled the gun out of his coat, aiming it straight at Peter’s head. You could hear Emily yelling at Mrs Harvey to go back inside before she pulled out her gun and aimed it at the UnSub; but it was too late.

You shoved Peter to the ground as he fired, feeling the shot burn through your shoulder as both you and Peter fell to the ground. You instinctively pressed a hand to your burning shoulder, warm blood oozing from the wound and through your fingers. 

“Jonathan Hughes?” You said, your breathing heavy as you tried to fight through the pain. He held his gun right in front of your face.

“Move,” he grunted, his eyes glassy.

“I know what happened to your wife,” you breathed trying to stall him as more police cars with blaring sirens pulled into the street.

“They killed her,” tears streamed down his face and you honestly felt bad for him. 

“It was an accident,” you replied softly.

“They were drunk,” he almost yelled, his hand shaking as his gun was still trained on you.

“I know,” you said, “It was a stupid mistake that haunted them, Jonathan. I know it doesn’t change what happened but these boys–”

“They’re monsters!” he shouted, hot tears streaming down his cheeks.

You saw David and Spencer get out of the car. Spencer’s heart was in his throat when he saw you kneeled on the ground, shielding Peter with your body while your hand and shirt were covered in your own blood. He didn’t even pick up his gun as he began stalking toward you.

“Y/N?” His voice was soft when he called you at first, then it turned to outright concern and anger, “Y/N? No, no!”

David grabbed Spencer’s arm, pulling him back as Spencer fought against him, trying to get to you. It was irrational and it was dangerous. David quickly picked up his walkie, “An agent has been shot, we need an ambulance.”

“Who was shot?!” Penelope’s voice rang out in the car as she spoke to Morgan and Hotch.

“I repeat, agent L/N is shot, we need an ambulance,” David spoke before putting his walkie away to hold Spencer back, pulling him to the ground.

“Morgan! Oh my god!” Penelope felt tears form in her eyes.

“It’s okay, babygirl, she’s going to be alright,” Morgan said, trying to reassure her as Hotch stepped on the accelerator. 

“No, Morgan, you don’t understand–”

“We’re going to get an ambulance–”

“She’s pregnant!” Penelope blurted out, not knowing what else to say for them to understand the gravity of why Penelope was so upset and concerned. 

Hotch hesitated for a moment, “She’s what?”

Penelope let out a shaky breath, “she’s twelve weeks pregnant, Hotch. She wasn’t going to tell anyone until after the case– and now she’s been shot.” Penelope began to cry, holding her hand over her mouth as tears slipped from her eyes.

Hotch hadn’t sped that fast since he found out Foyet was in his house. He cared about his team a lot and he had a soft spot for you even though he wouldn’t admit it. The tires skidded along the road as Hotch pulled on the handbrake, both him and Morgan training their guns on the UnSub as they approached.

Morgan’s heart hurt at the sight of you, your skin slightly paled as blood bloomed from your shoulder, drenching your arm and your hands. You looked so scared as the UnSub trained his gun on you, unmoving. Emily had her gun aimed at the UnSub, yelling for him to put it down.

“Jonathan Hughes!” Morgan’s voice caught your attention. “Put down the gun!”

“Don’t move!” Jonathan shouted, “I’ll shoot her!”

“No you won’t, man,” Morgan shook his head.

“How do you know that!? She’s in my way!” He shouted back.

“She’s pregnant,” Morgan sighed. Your eyes widened as you looked at Morgan, who looked back at you with a sad expression. 

Spencer stopped fighting against David, his breathing evening out as the words fell on his ears. You were pregnant. You were carrying his baby and you got shot and now you had a gun held up in front of your face. Spencer didn’t even realise he was crying, his tears cold against his warm skin. All he could do was watch, there was nothing he could do.

Jonathan glanced at you as you held your hand over your belly. “W-What?”

Morgan reached a hand out as he got closer. “Just like your wife, Jonathan… You wouldn’t kill a pregnant woman like those boys did.” 

Jonathan seemed to dissociate, staring at you with such a hurt expression as Morgan leapt forward, grabbing the gun from Jonathan’s hands and tossing it across the grass. He pushed Jonathan to the ground, pinning his hands behind his back. You let out a breath as you felt yourself grow tired. Emily caught you before you fell the rest of the way to the ground, holding you close to her body as she screamed for a medic. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Emily gently rocked you, “you’re going to be fine.”

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, tears running down your cheeks.

Your eyes were heavy as you attempted to pry them open.

You let out a shaky breath as you finally pulled your eyes open, the smell of disinfectant hit you first, followed by the sounds of beeping. You were in the hospital. You glanced down at your arm, an IV stuck in your arm while a pulse oximeter was clipped to your finger. Despite the fact the doctor had prescribed pain medication, you still felt like shit and your shoulder was killing you.

A soft noise caught your attention and you glanced at the chair next to your bed, Spencer sound asleep in a chair with a hospital blanket draped over him. You smiled softly as you saw the flowers, balloons and plushies littered around your room, most likely a courtesy of Penelope.

“She’s awake,” Morgan smiled, standing in the doorway. 

You grinned at him, “Hi, Derek.”

Morgan slowly walked over to your bed. “Feeling okay, pretty girl?” Morgan gently grabbed your hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

“I’m okay,” you replied. You almost didn’t want to ask but you knew you had to, “...is the baby okay?”

“Your baby is fine,” Morgan replied with a soft smile. You let out a breath of relief as you placed a hand over your tummy protectively. “...You scared the life out of everyone though.”

“I know,” you sighed.

“Especially your lover boy,” Morgan said, “he hasn’t left your side.”

“Sounds like my Spencer,” you laughed softly. 

“Y/N?” Spencer’s voice was laced with sleep as he opened his eyes. He quickly got up, ditching the blanket on the floor to tend to you.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Morgan quickly said before leaving the room.

Spencer’s warm hands cupped your face as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I thought I lost you, Y/N.” He let out a breath, pulling away to stare at your face and stroke your cheeks with his thumbs. You reached a hand up to grip his forearm.

“I’m sorry–”

“You don’t need to–”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Tears formed in your eyes as you stared up at him, searching for any kind of anger or resentment. There wasn’t any, he could never be mad at you.

“I wouldn’t have let you come on the case,” he replied after a beat. “I wouldn’t have let you leave the house.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you… I knew you would be protective– more protective,” you corrected with a soft smile. 

“I’m aware,” Spencer pulled his lips into a tight smile. “You know the odds of… complications are higher in the first trimester, angel. You should have told me,” he frowned.

“I know, Spence,” you sighed. “I just wanted to make sure I was in the clear before I told you… I understand being shot isn’t necessarily helping with that but–”

“I understand,” he replied. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

You stared at him for a moment, “are you happy?”

“Happy?”

“That I’m pregnant? I know we’re not married and our jobs are crazy but–”

Spencer cut you off by pressing a kiss to your lips, he pulled away slightly, “I’ve never been more happy,” he whispered.

You beamed with happiness, a bright smile tugging on your lips. Spencer hesitantly pressed a hand to your belly, his thumb stroking your tiny bump.

“Penelope thinks it’s a girl,” you muttered.

“...What do you think?” He asked curiously.

“I think she might be right,” you giggled softly.

“You know you can’t actually tell yet,” Spencer said and you rolled your eyes playfully.

“You asked what I thought!” you retorted.

He laughed softly, “Yes, you’re right, you’re right.”

“Mmm, did that taste like poison to admit?”

“Are gunshot victims supposed to be this mouthy?”

a/n: phew! i hope you guys liked it <3 i know i disappeared for a hot minute but here she is!!!

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart | part one

after hearing her gunpoint confession, your sister pressures you into airing your grievances at Rossi's wedding

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

series masterlist

who? spencer reid x jareau!reader category: angst content warnings: takes place following/during 14x15 "truth or dare", fem!reader, established relationship, mentions roslyn, unresolved conflict, a lot of insecurity, cm violence, i think everyone has a fault in this word count: 2.47k a/n: so this idea popped into my head. i think the concept of spencer dating jj's younger sister is insane and i love it. i hope you like it as well. (i want to write a part two so bad i hate leaving things unresolved). also this is not jj hate that's my girl i loved her even before i loved spencer!!!!

“Please, can you just hear me out?” Your sister pleaded, keeping her voice low so you didn’t take any attention off of the bride and groom.

Bringing your glass to your lips, you shrugged, “I’m not sure this is the right place, Jennifer,” you murmured, looking across the room at your brother-in-law, “I think Will’s looking for you.”

She brushed off your dismissal, “I’ll go over once we figure this out. Let’s go out to the courtyard and talk.”

JJ reached out and gently gripped your elbow, trying to guide you through the French doors of the wedding venue, but you yanked your arm away, crossing your arms in front of your stomach. “It’s rude to leave now, this is a wedding, we’re guests here,” you scolded her, focusing your eyes forward. The ceremony was over, and everyone was mingling, but you refused to be the first to leave. Besides, going home would mean needing to face Spencer – another discussion you didn’t have the energy for.

You knew she hated leaving things unfinished. The both of you could feel the rift between you growing as if the earth was physically shifting beneath your feet. “It would just be for a second,” she urged.

Swallowing thickly, you shook your head, “It’s fifteen years of dirty laundry, Jayg. It’s going to take more than a second to air it out.” You frowned into your newly emptied glass before hauling yourself over to the bar, grateful that she didn’t follow, “Can you make me one of the pink glittery drinks?”

Penelope, the honorary bartender for the evening, nodded reassuringly, taking an already-made beverage from the counter and sliding it over to you, “You look like you could use it,” she observed.

You sighed in concurrence, “You have no idea,” you mumbled as you brought the glass to your lips. The drink itself was a bit of an abomination, so strong that it burnt your nostrils as it went down, “God, that’s strong.”

The technical analyst just laughed, making her way back to the dance floor to meet up with Luke and Matt. Your gaze flickered over other members of the team until you were met with familiar brown eyes.

There had been a ball of dread forming in your stomach ever since you returned from Los Angeles. From where you were standing now, the cut on your boyfriend’s hand that you had preoccupied yourself with seemed inconsequential. You watched him now, in real-time as he glanced between you and your sister, picking up on the tension as you avoided her.

Someone was bound to snap.

Walking away from the bar, you went out into the hallway, finding the nearest door and practically throwing yourself outside. Pulling your hair off the back of your neck with your free hand, you sat down on a moss-covered bench in the courtyard and waited for the cold night air to cool you off.

As expected, you heard the door behind you click. You couldn’t be bothered to look at who it was, if it was important to them, they’d come to you. Sure enough, you remained focused on your drink as Spencer took a seat on the bench next to you, “Aren’t you cold?”

“Alcohol,” you mumbled, “Keeps me warm.”

Not exactly the answer he was going for, but he took it at face value. He was probably more comfortable in his suit than you were in your dress. “Are you feeling alright?”

You thought about lying to him. Telling him that you were just tired, it had been a long week of watching your sister and boyfriend being held hostage in a pawn shop and hunting Everett Lynch on top of your normal caseload, but the thought of holding up that lie just made you feel worse. Taking a large sip of your drink, you took a deep breath before speaking, “Garcia recovered the audio from the CCTV footage inside of the pawn shop. Emily asked me to review the tapes and let her know if I thought there was anything pertinent that should be added to the case files.”

He didn’t respond for a while, knowing exactly what you were getting at but not sure how to further the conversation, “And did you?”

You lifted your glass again, “There wasn’t anything in the tapes that was necessary for the case. I buried the audio files and transcripts and sealed the file.”

“Thank you,” he said, relief evident in his tone.

You, however, frowned at his response, “’Thank you’?” You repeated, an accusation in your voice, “I was scared shitless while the two of you were in there, and all the while my sister was confessing her love for you.”

Spencer was quiet again, rendered speechless by your words. Your description was accurate, if not blunt.

You sniffled, setting your glass down and wrapping your arms around yourself, “I have never felt more humiliated, and no one else can ever know why.” You traced the cobblestones on the ground with your eyes as thoughts continued racing through your head. “God, is this why she pushed us together?”

The door behind you clicked again and you stiffened, closing your eyes when you heard JJ coming out into the courtyard, “Ducky, we need to talk.”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” you snapped at her, standing up and glaring at her. Your childhood nickname rang through your ears. A term of endearment given to you by your oldest sister now grated on your heart, shredding through each chamber. “I do not need to do anything,” you told her, narrowing your gaze.

Tears pricked your eyes, Please, JJ, just give me time to think. I just need a minute. Not everything has to be solved right away.

You were too proud to say the words aloud, but you thought it. You wanted to beg her for time. You wanted to plead with your sister for just a little bit of time to think things through.

She held her hands up in surrender, “I needed to tell Pinkner something that would satisfy him. You know the profile; you know what would’ve happened if I didn’t.”

Yes, and the image of both of them being held at gunpoint would haunt you for years to come, but that still didn’t justify any of it, not to you. Finishing off your drink, you set the crystal glass on the cobblestone bench and faced your sister, “Jennifer,” you said sharply, “Truth or dare?”

Her blue eyes widened as she looked between you and Spencer, who was wisely keeping his mouth shut, “Truth,” she answered, her voice so quiet you could barely hear it.

“Did you mean it?” You asked, the first of your tears finally flooding over your lash line.

You gripped the fabric of your dress in your hands as you waited for her answer, “Yes,” she told you.

Covering your face with your hands, you sighed deeply into them, “Fuck,” you cried. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you echoed. None of this made sense to you, JJ was married. JJ and Will were the kind of couple that you could look at and you would know that they belonged together, but now she was saying she had been in love with Spencer this whole time.

White hot tears stung the cold skin on your cheeks as you looked back up at your sister, waiting for her to say something else. “We went on an almost date years ago and nothing else ever came of it. Life just went on moving and we…” Her voice trailed off, either unable to finish her thought or unwilling to share.

“You’re married, JJ,” you said desperately, looking at her and wondering if she had told Will where she was going. “Does Will know? Did you tell him you’ve been stringing him along? Thirteen years in and two kids later?”

She faltered for a moment, and you knew you had hit your mark – it made you sick to your stomach. “No, I love him. I love my boys, you know that.”

You nodded numbly, “Yeah, I do, but I can’t keep going if you’re always going to be longing for what might’ve been.”

“You’re drunk and you don’t know what you’re talking about,” she accused, tapping her right foot anxiously.

JJ might’ve grown up in Roslyn’s shadow, but you grew up in hers. Captain of the varsity soccer team, full-ride athletic scholarship at Pitt, and grad school at Georgetown. All leading up to her joining the bureau at twenty-three. You followed her, believing anywhere was better than Pennsylvania, and this is what it had gotten you. It was exhausting, being the one pushing the boulder up the hill, your hands were scraped, and she couldn’t see it.

Deftly, you wiped at the tears beneath your eyes, “I know exactly what I’m saying. Please, can you try and just look at this from my point of view? My big sister, who I’ve looked up to for my whole life, confessed her feelings for my boyfriend. My boyfriend who she set me up with.” Realization dawned on you, turning to face Spencer, “You were in love with her, and… I’m…” your voice trailed off.

Matching your train of thought, Spencer shook his head, reaching a hand out for yours, but you pulled away from him, “No, honey, please. It’s not like that.”

“You couldn’t have her, and I’m just the next best thing,” you told him miserably. “She met Will and got pregnant and got married and you were so in love with her that you took the off-brand version just to have something.”

Spencer shushed you, watching as tears fell from your cheeks, “I’m with you because I love you, not because of anything else.”

Your chest ached, it felt like someone had thrust their hand in the cavity and was squeezing as tightly as they could. You wanted to believe him. You so, so badly wanted to believe him. “Tell me,” you prompted, “tell me I’m not your second choice.”

“You are not my second choice,” he told you, and you watched. You watched for his tells, any sign at all that he was lying.

You shook your head at him, “Why did you lie to me? About the football game,” you asked him, a semi-permanent frown staying on your face.

He furrowed his brows and stood up in front of you, rubbing your arms up and down to keep you warm, “I didn’t lie to you.”

“You didn’t tell me. Neither of you did. That’s lying by omission, and you both know it,” you said, stepping away from him hesitantly. You didn’t know what to trust; you didn’t know what was real.

Spencer looked back at your sister, but she looked frozen, “It wasn’t a date,” he said simply. “I… I intended for it to be a date, but JJ invited Penelope and that was the end of it. I took it as her not being interested and that’s the truth. Nothing else ever happened between the two of us.”

You watched your sister, her mouth opening and closing as she scrounged for the right thing to say. “I said what I had to in order to survive,” she defended.

Sucking on your back molars, you shrugged helplessly in response, “I know,” you admitted. “I know that you probably planned on taking your truth to the grave with you, but… it’s out, Jayg.”

“I can explain everything to you,” she offered, “Please let me explain, Ducky.”

The desperation in her voice chiseled at your resolve, but it wasn’t enough. “I don’t have it in me,” you admitted. “I’m fresh out of fight and I just wanna go home,” you told her, looking at Spencer who nodded, heading back inside to gather your things.

You sat back down on the bench, propping your chin up on your hand.

“I couldn’t think of anything else to say,” she tried again, her voice gruff from holding back tears.

Shaking your head, you closed your eyes and breathed in the cold winter air, “I don’t really care, JJ. You said it, I heard it, and now you have to deal with it.”

She cleared her throat, “I would deal with it now, but you’re being petulant.”

Looking up at her, you frowned, “I told you inside that I didn’t want to talk about this here. You came outside. You sought me out to talk. Now you’re mad that I’m not being nice about it?” Something new bubbled in your stomach, the pit that had been forming there quickly evolved into anger.

“I was trying to save lives,” she tried again, insisting she was right.

You could live with her being right on that front. She was saving lives, and she needed a truth potent enough to sway the UnSub, but in all of her explanations, she never once apologized about this curveball. “I live with Spencer. I… when I give gifts, they’re signed from the both of us,” you told her. “Sometimes when we can’t sleep at night, we come up with baby names, and you’re in love with him. I asked for time, and you couldn’t give it to me. So, this is what you get.”

With Spencer reappearing at the door, you made your way out of the courtyard, he draped your coat over your shoulders, and you wrapped the wool around yourself as you made your way out. “I told Rossi and Krystall that you were tired, but I think they might have taken it as you had too much to drink,” he explained, opening the passenger side door for the car for you to get in.

A small smile tugged at your throat, “I don’t really care.” Maybe if you had gotten that drunk, your chest wouldn’t hurt so much.

The rest of the ride home was silent, small flurries started floating from the sky, and you watched the way they danced in the streetlights. Once you were home, you got ready for bed, grabbing a pillow off of your bed, and turning to the door, “Where are you going?” Spencer asked, returning from brushing his teeth.

“I’m gonna sleep on the couch,” you told him softly, looking at the pillow that you were clutching in your arms.

He faltered for a moment, obviously taken aback by your decision, “Can we talk tomorrow?”

You frowned, letting your eyes lift to his, when it was dark, his eyes took on a certain kind of melancholia. It hurt to look at tonight. “Sure,” you offered weakly, turning around and heading for the couch.

“Are we gonna be okay?” He asked, fear creeping into his voice. Fear of losing you.

Glancing back at him as you lobbed the pillow on the couch, you gave him a gentle smile, “Yeah, Spence, we’ll figure it out. Just not tonight, okay?”

[starchaser45]

Emily only allowing herself to cry when she's in Spencer's arms cause she's sure he's safe is my Roman Empire

[luthqrs]

EMILY PRENTISS in THE RED TANK in CRIMINAL MINDS 3x03 | 'Scared to Death'

[forhappysake]

We're Okay

A/N - Guys idk where this came from. I guess I'm just feeling emotional and inspired.

Content - After JJ admits her decade-long love for Spencer, you and your boyfriend have to have a conversation to calm both of your doubts and fears.

Warnings: spencer reid x fem!reader, season 14 spoilers, anxiety, mentions of typical BAU-level crime stuff, fluff at the end

You walked in the door slowly, cautionary even; afraid the smallest noise would bring reality crashing down on you. The car ride home had been completely silent, as neither of you bothered to turn on the radio. Spencer shuffled in behind you, the click of the lock making you wince as you did your best to avoid his gaze. You stripped off your coat, throwing it over the couch before walking straight into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind you. 

As you started the shower and stripped off your clothes, the evening’s events rushed back into your mind. Being involved in a hostage situation with an unstable unsub was one thing. JJ being held at gunpoint was worse. However, as if all that wasn’t enough, JJ admitting her decade-long hidden love for Spencer was the final nail in the coffin. As you climbed into the shower, you did your best to let the water wash away the thoughts running through your head. 

Unfortunately, your attempt was unsuccessful. As you dried off and wrapped yourself in a towel, your mind raced. You’d been dating Spencer for nearly a year and a half. The two of you had just recently moved in together. Having known him and JJ for at least half a decade, you knew they were close, but you never would have guessed this was coming. You couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way she did. If so, what did this mean for your relationship?

After stalling in the bathroom for so long that goosebumps dotted your freshly dried body, you mustered up the courage to slip out of the bathroom and into the bedroom that you shared with Spencer. As you walked across the hallway, you could see his silhouette sitting on the living room couch, head bent forward. You couldn’t tell if he was reading or in deep thought, but you decided that either option was better than the alternative: trying to have a conversation. 

You snuck into the bedroom, gently turning on the bedroom light and letting your eyes adjust to the warm glow of your room. You meandered to the closet, pulling out a simple t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. Slipping into your pajamas and stealing a glance at yourself in the vanity mirror, you noticed one of the many images covering the tabletop. 

A framed photograph from less than a year ago of JJ, Will, Spencer, and yourself with the boys on a weekend hiking trip. You felt a pang of guilt in your chest and wondered if Will had any idea what was going on in JJ’s head. You shook the thought away, reminding yourself that you had bigger problems of your own to deal with. You turned back to the bed, sliding under the covers and turning off the light. Despite your distress, you were exhausted and you found yourself losing track of time and drifting off to sleep in mere minutes. 

*  *  *

You awoke to the sound of the bedroom door latching shut. You rolled over, blinking your eyes open in an attempt to sneak a peak at your bedside alarm clock. You’d already been asleep for three hours and Spencer was just now coming to bed. It was well after midnight, and you knew that meant he had been up thinking about something. You figured it would be best not to push the subject after everything that had happened. 

With your eyes shut, you waited to feel the familiar sensation of Spencer climbing into bed. Instead, you felt his weight at the foot of the bed, as if he had perched himself on the end. You tried not to think much of this and did your best to fake sleep. However, it soon became apparent that Spencer was on to you. 

“I know you’re awake,” he said gently. His voice was gruff from the hours he’d spent in silence. Spencer waited before speaking again, “I think we should talk about what happened.” 

There it is, you thought. Your stomach sank as your eyes fluttered open. You rolled over to face him, leaning up on your arms. It was then you noticed that he was still in his suit. His unkempt hair fell over his eyes and you couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the disheveled man in front of you. “Alright,” you relented, still refusing to meet his eyes, “what do you want to talk about?”

Spencer rolled his neck, tension evident in his movements. “I want to know how you feel about what was said earlier,” he said. For the first time in hours, you met his eyes, trying to gauge his sincerity. You found no signs of dishonesty, so you fell back on the bed, letting out a dramatic sigh. 

“I don’t know, Spencer,” you groaned. “I definitely was surprised. I definitely wasn’t thrilled.” Spencer nodded, moving some hair away from his eyes as you spoke. “But,” you started again, “it’s not like we can go back and change it now.” 

He reached an arm out, putting a hand over the covers on top of your knee. “I know,” he whispered, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

You scoffed a bit at his sincerity and his innocence, meeting his eyes once more. “And how do you feel about it?” you asked. 

Spencer bit his lip in thought. You could tell you had caught him off guard with the question, and he seemed to be calculating his response. “Can I be honest with you?” he said. 

You raised your eyebrows, the nervous feeling in your stomach intensifying. Is this where he tells you he feels the same way and leaves for good? You pushed your thoughts to the side. “Always,” you whispered.

He sighed, laying back on the bed so he was next to you. You could feel the heat radiating off him, and you wanted nothing more than to curl into his warmth. You knew this wasn’t the time, so you held yourself back and held your breath, awaiting his response. 

“First, I was confused,” Spencer explained, eyes locked on the ceiling. “I haven’t thought about JJ like that in over ten years. Frankly, I never knew she thought of me that way, so I was caught off-guard.” 

So he did have a crush on her at one time, you thought. You were ready to close your eyes in defeat, to slip off the bed and out of the apartment and never come back when he cleared his throat. 

“But then,” he started once more, “I had a quick epiphany of all the moments she’d gone out of her way for me, and I could understand where she was coming from.” You turned to look at him, watching his eyes scan the ceiling as he tried to come up with his next statements. 

“And?” you asked, prompting him to continue. 

“And then,” he continued your previous statement, “I was terribly appalled.” 

Your head, which had turned to the ceiling, snapped back in his direction. You felt your eyebrows raise and your jaw drop open a bit in surprise. “Appalled?” you asked, confusion evident in your expression. 

“Appalled,” Spencer echoed, sitting up on the edge of the bed once more and looking back at you. 

“Why?” you asked. 

Spencer shook his head, looking around the room. “I’ve been thinking about that for the last couple hours, and I’ve come up with a lot of reasons,” he mused. “I know she was in a tight place, but Will deserves better than that. The boys deserve better than that. But aside from them,” he leaned over on the bed, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you must have thought. I was so afraid of your reaction and of losing you.”

Despite your evident emotional state as tears pooled in your eyes, you tried to play it off. “Spencer, this isn’t about me,” you reminded him. 

“Yes,” he said, lying next to you, “it is.” Spencer ran a hand through his hair, pulling some curls out of his eyes. “Everyone knows how much I love you. I know how scary something like this can be. But you have to know that I have no idea where this came from and that anything JJ and I had died, on my end, long before I ever met you.” 

You glanced over at him, the sincerity in his voice had moved you to believe him. For a moment, you forgot about JJ and Will, the boys, and the implications of her words. You offered his fingers a small squeeze. “So we’re okay?” you asked in a tiny voice. 

“More than,” Spencer whispered. 

He rolled on his side to face you and you mirrored his actions. He wrapped his arms tight around your body, the textured material of his suit jacket pressed against your cheek. A gentle kiss was pressed to your forehead and you found yourself falling back into sleep. After several minutes passed, you felt Spencer’s voice rumble through his chest for a final time before he succumbed to sleep: “Ever since I met you,” he mumbled, smoothing some stray hairs away from your face, “it’s always been you.”

[sapphichymns]

"Okay, I'm all these things. But none of you said that I ever put myself above the team, because I don't."

[lenakluthor]

"What's one thing this job has given you?"

[wardengrill]

I've come to realize I'm more married to this team than I ever was to three ex-wives

[goodobservationshirley]

It just takes and takes and takes. What's one thing this job has given you?

[marril96]

Criminal Minds 17.06 | Message in a Bottle

[tomcriuse]

Criminal Minds 3.08 'Lucky'