#I'm tired of non sense hate
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#too many men have NO shame NO haya NO respect vallahi. it almost gets me worked up#this one guy sat next to me ON PURPOSE. the seat next to his FRIEND was empty. then along the way several more got empty#he stayed sat next to me and i'm not dumb i knew it was on purpose#then minutes before his stop he starts talking to me 'is everything well?' i dont know u and wtf do you mean#he asked several times i said yeah very weirded out#then he goes where u from are you german. then he gestures to his head saying very good meaning me wearing hijab#VOMITTTTTT WHO ARE U EW EW EW#i got so icked out cuz the audacity????? how you commenting on that?????????#i hate that it when it has to be said cuz it should be COMMON sense not to act this way not to make stranger women uncomfortable#but you like imagine someone doing this to your sister???? the fact it has to be said#the fact men dont have this common sense in their brains and only (sometimes) clock it with comparisons to their mums or sisters#before getting off he stretched out his hand to me to shake it AUUGHHHH???? NOW WE DONT KNOW THAT'S HARAM?????#had to say no two times cuz he insisted like you fr frrrrrr have to be stupid to ignore body language#cuz i was visibly weirded out. then he tapped me on my shoulder before getting off. shivers#you think it's very good when a woman wears hijab bit THEN sit right next to a non mahram woman when you couldve sat next to your friend#you look her directly in her eyes make comments about her covering (v inappropriate) THEN try shaking her hand#it's always the ones so so delusional about what theyve done wrong may Allah guide them for the sake of the women they give a hard time to#i rarely have encounters like this but i'm sure other sisters have it worse and they are TIRED#if any non muslim tries to analize this interaction to come to the conclusion that he was being normal and i'm overreacting#give it a rest xx#nesi rants
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Return The Favor
Summary: Stumbling in on your neighbor’s chopped up body, an unlikely friendship forms between you and Toby. Striking a deal, you agree to help the killer and his friends, buying them necessary prescriptions. But when one visit turns to multiple, Toby becomes curious, finding a not so subtle love note hidden away.
Characters: Ticci Toby x Female Reader
SMUT WARNING MINORS DNI
TW: Mentions of death, explicit description of a dismembered body, decomposition, death, gore, obsession, vomit, throwing up, blood (non-sexual), blood (sexual), vaginal fingering, degradation, biting, overstimulation, squirting, creampie, vaginal, choking, gagging, somnophilia, rough, Toby literally goes insane about you, virginity kink, first time, desperation
Words: 9.4k
A/N: This shit long asl I'm so sorry... Characters in this story are not canonical!
It’s said that when there’s a dead body nearby, your body can sense it before your brain can.
It’s almost like instinct, a survival nature programmed into your brain. It’ll start with goosebumps and chills running all over your body as if you were being watched, this uncomfortable sensation that you just can’t rationalize. Then the anxiety sets in, body aching and sweating for no apparent reason but it just knows there’s something wrong.
Finally, when you’ve finally choked it up to just being your imagination, that’s when you’ll smell it. Throat instantly closing and nostrils flaring at the putrid stench of rot and gore. It’s incomparable, no amount of food poisoning or disease compares to the sickness you feel in your stomach at the smell of a human body decomposing. Every instinct in your body pleading and begging you to get out of there, run as far away until you can’t breathe anymore.
You would know. And it seemed like the boy huddled in front of you did too.
There was no real reason for you to even be in this house in the first place, but your all-too-good heart guilted you into it. You had just come home from work, mind tired and body sleepy as you unlocked your front door, tossing your bag onto the kitchen table inside. It was well past midnight, the diner you worked at closing way later than normal, but at least you made some good tips.
Sliding into your bedroom, you changed into more comfortable clothes, tying your hair back before stepping into your kitchen. You gripped the tiny journal lying on the counter, cracking the worn pages open to where you left off, scribbling your thoughts onto the paper. It was your nightly routine, journaling things you saw or did, a coping mechanism suggested by your therapist. It wasn’t for anything intensive, just minor anxiety and self-image problems, always having negative thoughts about yourself. It helped. Glancing up, you looked through the tiny window above your sink, a clear view of your neighbor’s back porch, Mr. Higgs, an older man who made it very difficult to be friendly. He was a hateful guy, always nitpicking your choice of decorations or specific outfits he didn’t find appropriate. A real sweetheart, obviously.
But compared to his usual eight PM lights out, the living room lamp was still bright, shining directly through his open back porch door. That was odd. As long as you had known this guy, it wasn’t like him to be up this late, let alone be outside. Every instinct told you to just clean up and go to bed, his angry ass probably scooting off a raccoon or something. But you just couldn’t pass up that nagging feeling, your kindheartedness overpowering you. So, sighing, you tossed a hoodie on and slid out your back door, stepping down the porch steps into the cool grass.
You flinched as a flash of brown passed your vision, small and thin against the dark grass. Cooing, you kneeled down, holding your fingers out as Mr. Higg’s old cat, Addy, sniffed the air around you, pressing against your bare legs as she purred. The man was way too protective of his cat. Something was definitely wrong.
Standing again, Addy pranced away, meowing loudly behind you as your bare feet became wet against the midnight dew, grass sticking to your ankles as you walked, arms hugging yourself against the cold. This would probably just end with you getting told to mind your business and stomping back to bed upset, but it was the thought that counted. Gripping onto the porch rail, you stepped up his creaky wooden porch, knocking against the wooden frame of the open door.
“Mr. Higgs? Everything alright?” You called into the room, refusing to go in. There was no response, you knocked again after a couple of seconds. Still nothing. You gulped, rubbing your arms against your sides, nerves wracking you. “Okay. I’m coming in. Don’t get mad 'cause you didn’t answer me.” You called again, pressing past the door and wiping your wet feet on the welcome mat.
The house was quiet, the only light being the lamp sat on a coffee table adjacent to the old couch. All the furniture had an older look like something out of the eighties, it made you cringe. “Mr. Higgs, are you home?” You shouted down the dark hallway, all the doors shut except for one at the end which you assumed to be his room. Hugging yourself, your legs felt anxious, your mind racing with all the reasons you shouldn’t walk down there. There was no reason for it, this was all just probably some old guy who forgot to shut his door, but you just couldn’t shake the feeling.
Taking a step down the hallway, that’s when it started. Those feelings, like your body can feel shouldn’t be there. The air suddenly grew thick, a nauseating feeling setting in against your chest, pressing down like a conscious weight. But you shook it off, telling yourself it was just you scaring yourself with all of those crime shows, but you should’ve known better.
The door was cracked, moonlight from the open shades pressing against the doorframe, your hand flat against the wood as you pushed the door open. Then came the smell. It was stout, a putrid funk that wafted against the walls, souring the room. The room was dark, pupils blown wide as they fought to see, hand sliding against the wall and searching for a light switch. Your body was tense, senses on high alert against the dark, breathing ragged against the awful stench filling your senses. Your eyes were beginning to water, wondering what in the hell could be stinking this terribly, until you felt the switch, flipping it on.
Your first instinct was to throw up, throat constricting and stomach tightening, but you just couldn’t move. You were petrified by the scene in front of you. Mr. Higgs was there, at least, what you could recognize of him. His head had been cleaved from his body, intensive amounts of blood staining his beige bedsheets. His cheeks were bloated, a gnarly purple color as his veins poked against his forehead, skin wrinkled and soaked in blood as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. They were yellow now, dark veins contrasting against the orbs as puss leaked from every hole on his expressionless face. The rest of his body was scattered, chunks of muscle shredded from his arms and hands like they had been cut off, legs more or less the same. His wide stomach was completely visible, his skin swollen and dark, bloated against the same liquids spilling from his pores. The blood was the worst part. It was just everywhere. Splattered on the sheets, the nightstand, even the walls, specks reaching the roof. You were so lost in your racing thoughts, your heart pounding heavily against your chest as you gripped the door tightly, knuckles white on the frame. You could feel the cold sweat drip down your brow, utter fear chilling your body.
You wouldn’t have even noticed the tall boy standing in the corner if he hadn’t flinched, eyes wide and locked on you. He was lanky, easily taller than you and pale. No, not pale, more gray. He had curly brown hair that fell in front of his eyes, his freckled cheeks flushed against the bandages across his jaw. A pair of goggles rested amongst his curls, a dark mask covering his nose and mouth. He wore dark wash jeans loose around his hips and a heavier brown hoodie that was stained with dark blood. Oh God. The boy didn’t look much older than you despite his bruise battered skin. But he wasn’t moving, wasn’t talking, he was just watching.
His hands were behind his back, shoulders scrunched against the corner of the dark walls as you pressed back off the door frame, breathing ragged. “Who the hell are you?” You grimaced, tone coming across a lot more confident than you felt. The boy flinched, not out of fear, more like a bodily reaction. He refused to answer, eyes scanning around quickly until he pressed off the wall, sliding to the shuttered window and pinching the blinds open, scanning the night without explanation. That’s when you heard loud boots stepping up the porch steps, head spinning quickly down the hallway. “Shit.” You heard him, the boy’s voice panicked and rough, his boots stepping quickly across the hardwood and into your vicinity. Panic strained you, head spinning back quickly before your vision was filled with his arms wrapping around you, palm slapping over your mouth as he pressed you to his chest.
You tried to fight back, mumbled pleas against his hand as you shouldered his arms, your back pressed firmly against him. He was dragging you into the room, your feet dragging as you struggled, clawing his arms away but he never budged, practically unaware of the scratches you were leaving on his hands. “F- Fuckin’ quit-” He growled quietly, pressing open the small closet doors and dragging you both in, quickly shutting the door as you heard the boots grow louder down the hallway. A sliver of light shone through the crack in the door, leaving you just enough room to see the gorey scene as you pressed off of him, his muscled arms refusing to let you go.
“Toby?” A scratchy voice called into the room, the figure stepping through the door frame and into your line of sight. At his appearance, you froze completely, your body tense against the boy behind you. His arms gripped tighter, bandaged fingers digging into your cheek as he kept you quiet. He was horrifying.
This man was taller than the one in the closet with you, pasty skin a sharp contrast against his dark messy hair. His eyes were wide, pupils dark against his reddened scleras. He wore a white hoodie, dark jeans covered just the same with Mr. Higg’s blood. But the worst part, the part that made your heart pump in your throat, was his smile. It was etched in, flesh torn upwards into a mocked smile, teeth exposed from the side of his cheek. The area was mangled, seemingly unhealed as blood dried against the cut. He almost made Mr. Higgs seem not that bad.
“Twitch, come on,” He called again, hands shoved in his hoodie pocket as he strolled around the room, kicking Mr. Higg’s severed foot out of the way. “I’m gettin’ tired. This guy had some good beers and I’m tryna get back home and drink ‘em.” He snickered, turning back out of the room and back down the hallway, his loud boots stomping against the old floors. Who you presumed to be Toby didn’t let you go, arms just as tight around you as you gripping his hoodie’s sleeves tight. “Fine then! If you’re gonna play fuckin’ hide and seek then I’m leavin’ your ass here!” He called throughout the house, your body only untensing when you heard the back porch door slam shut, loud boots thunking down the porch and out of earshot.
You both waited a couple of seconds, heart thudding in your ears as arms slowly released you, palm unclasping from your mouth. Panicked, you slammed out of the closet, turning around quickly and facing Toby, back pressed against the nearest wall as you searched for something to defend yourself with. “D- Dumbass.” He grit, pressing out of the cramped closet and facing you, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie. The stench of the room pressed harder than ever, making your head dizzy as you pressed out of the room and down the hallway, Toby quick on your heels. “Whoever the fuck you are, whatever the fuck you want, I’m sure Mr. Higgs didn’t have it. Why in God’s name is he in pieces in his bedroom?” You hissed, gagging as the image replayed in your mind, turning into his kitchen and wracking the cupboards. When you found a small plastic cup, you ran water in through the sink, chugging the stout liquid down as you calmed your breathing. Toby stayed in the doorframe, crossing his arms. You probably shouldn’t have let your guard down, knowing full and well what he had just down to your neighbor, but you figured if he was going to he would have already.
“It’s none of y- your business. I don’t k- kill innocents, so you s- shoulda just stayed home, m- missy.” He growled back, stuttering through the words. You tossed the cup in the sink, the plastic clattering against the metal as you turned to face him, running your hands through your hair. “Hard to when you guys so obviously left his door open. The bastards hounded me for years, you’d think I’d be happy about his death, but not fucking like that.” You hissed, leaning back against the counter and crossing your arms, bare feet cold against the porcelain tiles. “I mean, Jesus. And I mean, thanks and all for the save back there, but how is killing him and saving me any different? It’s just favoring one innocent over another.” Toby shook his head, sliding past you and tugging a drawer open, shovelling through old receipts until he found the stack he was searching for. He passed it to you, paper crinkling as you skimmed through, old pharmacy receipts for prescription medicine.
“H- Had the old bastard bu- buying our meds. Paid h- him off and everything. Un- Until he started g- giving us coun- counterfeits, sellin’ u- us out. He h- had to pay u- up somehow…” He huffed, shoving his mask down off of his nose and under his chin, his thin lips chapped against the bandages hugging his cheeks. And of course, he was cute.
“So he gets shredded?” You had to breathe through that sentence, throat tight with nausea. Toby nodded, a small smirk crooking at the corner of his lips. You grimaced, pressing off of the counter and through to the living room, the old furniture seeming a lot less homey now. You were going home, filing a police report, and praying to God these fuckers didn’t come back to get you instead.
“U- Uh, might wa- wanna clean up, t- too,” Toby chuckled from behind you. You paused, confused as you looked around, stomach twisting as you looked down. Bloody footprints trekked through the kitchen behind you, a trail leading to your bare feet as you lift your knee, gagging at the sight of Mr. Higg’s blood coating your soles. Toby was laughing, the noise muffled against the ringing in your ears as you hunched over, stomach convulsing as you puked on the hardwood floors, your lunch from work coming back up. Head straining, you panted, wiping your lips. “Oh, s- shit, okay.” Toby hissed, sliding to your side and raising you up, hugging you close to his side. He drug you through the door, stomach still churning as you watched your footprints faintly appear beneath you, purposefully dragging them through the grass to get the blood off. You felt disgusting, giving no fight as Toby brought you to your porch steps, helping you up. He was so bipolar, angry and distasteful for one second, then cautious and endearing the next. It really was like you were dealing with a teenager.
Addy circled your ankles, her dense fur tickling your skin and making you jump, Toby gripping your arms tighter. “Oh, hi kitty.” You cooed, breathing deep as you kneeled down, scooping her up into your arms as Toby helped you up the rest of the steps. Without asking, he slid open your screen door, helping you both inside as Addy purred against your chest, Toby wary as he stared at her. You dropped her on the floor gently, Toby sliding the door shut as you hunched over your sink, cleaning your mouth and grabbing a rag for your feet. Toby still eyed Addy, fidgeting his nails as he followed her. “Ever seen a cat before? She was Mr. Higg’s.” You chuckled, cleaning the soles of your feet off and tossing the rag into the sink, still feeling unclean. Toby nodded, rubbing his arms nervously as he looked back at you, smiling awkwardly. “Yeah. Us- Used to have one. T- They kinda sc- scare me now.” Smiling, you scooped Addy up again, petting her soft fur as you brought her close to the boy, his neck twitching nervously.
How could this guy shred a man to pieces, but petting a cat was too frightening for him? You couldn’t understand. Digressing, you gripped his wrist, steadying the twitches as you placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently as Toby flinched, breathing quickly. Addy purred, unbothered by the action as he became more comfortable, fingers playing with her fur before he pulled his hand back, breathing deep.
You were too nice for your own good, too easy at giving the benefit of the doubt. Of course, you would find the redeemable traits in a murderer, heart hurting for this boy who was more or less the same as you. Groaning, you dropped Addy, crossing your arms. “Listen. What you did, it’s… For my own conscience, I can’t let it happen again.” You grit, circling your countertop and sitting on a stool, your journal tucked in front of you as you fidgeted with the pages. “If we can agree, I’ll buy your meds. I have a friend who can write me prescriptions, no questions asked. But I need you to understand, under no circumstances, are you allowed to harm me. I’ll call the cops.” Like the cops could stop these lunatics. But, you needed some type of leverage.
Toby thought quietly, eyes narrowed as he flinched uncomfortably against Addy rubbing on his shins, purring loudly. If you could hold your end, there would be no trouble, but he had to know he could rely on you. “Th- The meds aren’t for m- me. My f- friends, they need ‘em to function, m- mentally… You g- gotta realize this is- is serious.” Even stuttering his voice was stern, arms crossed as he thought, contemplating. You nodded, brushing your hair from your face as you groaned, realizing how desperately you needed to learn to set boundaries. “I can get them. But you have to keep your end, too.” You hissed back, pinching your fingers nervously. Toby smiled, crossing his heart, literally. Rolling your eyes, you nodded, rubbing your face as you groaned. What the fuck were you even doing?
“I’ll have them by the end of the week. Come later at night, cops’ll be swarming for weeks thanks to you.” Toby nodded, sliding over to the counter and gripping your journal, tearing a page out as he wrote the list of prescriptions you would need to get. It was a hefty list, some of that shit intense. “Abou- About that,” He slid his mask up over his nose, sliding the screen door open as he stepped out, chuckling. “Do- Don’t go outside. Gonna ma- make it look like a g- gas leak.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he shut the screen, sliding his hood over his head and peeling down the porch steps. Finally taking a deep breath, you stared at Addy, wondering what in the absolute fuck you were doing. Rest in hell, Mr. Higgs.
-
He made it look like a gas leak alright. The house was on fire in minutes, the bright orange flames lighting your room as you heard sirens in the distance, your other neighbors gathered outside their houses as you climbed into bed, groaning your displeasure. Cops and firefighters swarmed for days afterwards, investigating the area thoroughly, but never finding any remains of Mr. Higgs, his body buried somewhere far away. They eventually grew restless, the city quickly cleaned up the charred remains of the house and a new plan for construction was set in soon. It went over smoothly, no one even suspecting a thing.
The days passed slowly, nervousness building as the end of the week grew closer, feet shuffling as you stood in line at the pharmacy. You got the doctor’s notes easily, already called in and waiting to be picked up as you were handed a small paper bag, the pharmacist eyeing you closely as you hurried out. Once in your car, you rummaged the sack, eyes wide as you read the dosage instructions on each little pill bottle. You read each bottle carefully, cringing at the names of the contents: Thorazine, Prolixin, Haldol, and even Aripiprazole. They were all high-end antipsychotics, the list of treatments for schizophrenia and mania, along with treatment-resistant depression. The last bottle caught your eye, a quick Google search told you it was for tourette's. So his twitching wasn’t just nervousness, huh. Shoveling the sack into your bag, you sped home, Toby well on his way as the sun set low.
The first week was easy, Toby in and out without so much as a hello, nodding his thanks as he bolted back into the woods, eyes dark and heavy. It was easy for you, moving along with your life despite the one night of the week. You felt easier, the boy quick about his stops with some chat, but never hanging around for too long, eyes always scanning the tree line nervously.
As weeks passed, he grew more comfortable, you learned that he was quick about stopping due to his friends, their curiosity about you making him nervous about losing his ‘dealer.’ You learned to leave his meds on the counter, sometimes not even present when he would sneak in at the late hours of the night, your job taking precedence over your sleep schedule. But with all of this money being spent weekly on medicine, you had to pick up more time at work, everything being paid for out of pocket not to raise suspicion. You were sleeping more, journaling and your hobbies taking less importance until they were practically nonexistent. It was hard, your serving heart refusing to let you rest, making sure Toby got his medication is the most important thing. You were strained, to say the least.
However, surprisingly, after a couple of weeks, Toby wasn’t in a hurry to leave. He had slid in like he always did, you sat at the counter eating your dinner as you scribbled through the pages of your notebook, summing up the previous days. You were exhausted, Toby making you jump slightly as he shut the screen door, rummaging through the paper sack. “G- Got any more?” He grinned shyly, sliding his mask and goggles off and tossing them onto the counter. You nodded to the fridge, an extra container of leftovers from the diner quickly opened in front of him as he shoveled it into his mouth. “It’s better heated up,” You laughed, shutting your journal as you slid off the stool, gripping the to-go container from him and popping it into the microwave. You both sat there awkwardly, Toby kneeling down to rub Addy’s back as she appeared beneath him, soft purrs echoing. He was still nervous, never petting her for too long before standing back up, the microwave beeping. The food came out steaming, sliding open a drawer and handing him a fork, Toby continued to shovel the food into his mouth. You hissed, holding his arm as the steaming food sizzled inside his mouth, it had to be burning him. “Oh. Y- Yeah, I don’t fe- feel pain. Th’s good, tho- though.” He grinned, slurping up more of the food. He acted like he hadn’t had warm food in forever, stuffing his face and barely giving himself time to chew. You rolled your eyes, chuckling as he ate.
The stays became longer after that, his excuse being he was hungry, continuously raiding your fridge until you began to have food ready for him, prepping his meals along with your own. Thirty minutes turned to an hour, to two hours, and then eventually through the night. He would crash on your couch, Addy curled in his lap as the television blared some old movie. That was one of the only times you didn’t see him ticcing, the cat acting as an anchor against his restless body. He looked truly comfortable, using your blankets and pillows to his advantage, beginning to invite himself to stay the night after a while.
You sat at the counter, Toby snoring loudly as he laid face first into the couch pillow, scribbling into your journal. It was the one thing you had time for, having to get up early for work as the soft glow of the kitchen light lit the pages. Toby was practically pushing himself into your life, his lack of manners and curious mannerisms leading him to take initiative. You were grateful for his friendliness, giving great detail of his missions with his friends and explaining that whole situation. Even still, you were wary.
But against your better judgment, your relationship with the killer was becoming less transactional. He brought you things to make for dinner, talked with you through your mutual sleepiness, and even took care of Addy when you were too delusional after work. For lack of a better word, he was becoming a friend, showing up for more than just his medication, even sometimes forgetting the bag and having to chase him down. He was infesting your life, arriving earlier than he should and leaving later than you cared for. The end of the week was becoming optional, the screen of your porch door sliding open nearly every night of the week Toby didn’t have a mission. It was annoying but in a comforting way, like you both were becoming closer naturally despite your differences.
As you heard his snores, you groaned, rubbing your tired eyes as you began to write, letting your pencil guide on the page numbly as you wrote your thoughts. It wasn’t directed at Toby on purpose, but the further you got down the page the further your heart sank, hand fisted in your hair as you rested your elbow on the cold marble counter. “Ah, Jesus…” You grit, scribbling the final few words as you lean back, rubbing your head. The words weren’t lies, more of a hard truth you weren’t willing to accept, chalking it up that you were just tired and desperate. The words could have been about Toby, or they could have been about anyone, you didn’t really care. Sighing, you tore the page out, folding it and shoving it into the back of the book, closing the pages quickly. Sleep sounded much easier as you flipped the kitchen light off, turning the volume of the television down as you trudged upstairs to your room, giving one last glance to the snoring boy and his matching cat.
-
Toby knew his mishaps with you, his moral compass long forgotten the more time he spent inside your home. He told himself it was just easier, food and shelter at his disposal whenever, but he knew better. It was so much more than just picking up medicine for Tim and Brian now, it was a solid relationship, a bond that was forming in his eyes.
It had been almost four months since the unfortunate death of your neighbor, a smile creeping every time he saw the charred flecks of wood buried in the overgrown grass. You had begun to leave the back door unlocked, reasoning that someone breaking and entering would be less of a hassle than him. That was what Toby really hooked onto the most about you, your humor about everything. Despite your hardships and the emotions you had to overcome, you held a caring heart, compassion always lacing every action. He found it admirable, your humor through your busy life. And, likewise, he did feel bad for making you work so much, tired eyes always hurting his heart whenever you were around. But, it wasn’t like he could get a job, so he helped where he could, cleaning and learning to cook for your sake. He needed this medicine, for his friend’s and his own stability, even at your expense.
You were already nestled at your spot on the counter, writing your thoughts in that damn journal. You barely even looked up as he entered, diving for the fridge as he scooped up Addy with one arm, her purs a nice vibration against his shoulder. Popping the container in the microwave, he leaned in over your shoulder, trying to catch a glance at your scribbling before you shoved him off, closing the book quickly. “Ah, ah, mind yours.” You smiled, forking your own food into your mouth. “O- Oh come on, [Y/N], just a pe- peak.” He smiled back, gathering his food as he began to eat, sliding onto his familiar spot on the couch. It was routine now: where you sat, what he watched, what you both talked about. He explained his latest mission with Masky in more detail than you enjoyed, pushing your food away as you groaned, hiding your face in your hands. You both laughed throughout the night before you whisked your food into the fridge, calling your goodnights before heading upstairs.
Toby continued to watch the television, brushing Addy’s back with his bandaged fingers as he sat his empty container to the side. His curiosity nudging him, he raised up, tossing his trash before he slid to the counter, you all too confidently leaving your journal there. Slipping back onto the couch, he began to flip through the pages, listening closely for your footsteps as he read your entries, smiling as they dated all the way back to your high school years.
It seemed as though everything you thought spilt onto these lines, emotions erratic between every page as he realized just how much of a people pleaser you really were. All through your recent years, it was nothing but service, acting through the goodness of your soul until it felt sickening, fake almost. He cringed, flipping quickly through but finding nothing juicy, no deep dark secrets that he felt were interesting. Sighing, he closed the journal, standing to set it back onto the counter, until a slip of paper fell from between the pages. Smiling, Toby leaned down, arms twitching as he slid the journal back onto the counter, leaning against the marble as he flipped the paper open, reading carefully.
“Sometimes, when I think about it too hard, I get all emotional about myself. I know I put on a front, like everything I do I’m in charge of and can handle, always putting everyone around me first. But what if I wanted to be put first? I do so much for the sake of others but it never seems to be returned, never compensated for the mental strain. Well, maybe I want to. Maybe I want to be loved like I see others, rough and real. I have no clue how I even would, I can barely handle touching myself before I'm overwhelmed. But I just want someone else to take the reins, show me that I don't have to work my brain so hard and can just numb out. That's not too much to ask, right? Just someone who can love me, not some creep or one night thing, someone who cares. If I never ask for anything again, that would be it. Someone who wants me for me.”
He could have died. The brunette’s cheeks dark as he re-read the crumbled page, excitement coursing through him. In his mind, he wanted to storm upstairs and just rattle you then, showing you how good he could treat you. It was like a bomb had gone off, Toby having to pretend like him having a crush on you wasn’t achingly obvious, convincing himself he just didn’t know how to act around women. But now it was clear, his mind racing with a million wants and needs, body spasming under the excitement.
Convincing himself to leave, he slipped the note into his pocket, body buzzing with excitement as he slid out your door. He would be back, like always. But this time, he would show you what you truly needed, what only he could give you.
-
Like always, Toby left a note for the medication you needed to pick up, it sometimes changing week to week. Everything looked normal, the usual combination of pills reading off. But as you scanned the bottom, you groaned, shoving the paper into your pocket. Trilafon, Saphris, and… Plan B. As if your desperation for some affection couldn’t have gotten much worse, your heart twisted, a lump growing. Whether it be for some girl he was laying or a girlfriend he already had, you didn’t care, all you wanted was to get the medicine and go. Crawling into your bed sounded like a much more exciting activity than dwelling on the brunette, heart saddened in all the way you knew it shouldn’t.
To make your night even better, Toby didn’t show. It wasn’t unusual, for him sometimes not to show up for days due to extensive missions. But a part of you longed to see him, especially after today, just to help your mind with the whole morning-after pill situation. So now, instead of imagining him surrounded by his friends on a mission, you imagined him towering over a girl. Strong arms holding her, body contorting to fit against hers… You could’ve been sick, shaking your head as you ate quickly and pressed upstairs, barely petting Addy before you slinked into bed, hauling the covers over your head.
It was lonely on nights without his presence in your house. But especially tonight, thoughts racing uncontrollably to the point of tears, thick droplets streaking down your face as your chest hurt, longing for a body, any body, to hold close to yours. Maybe you really were just a transactional thing.
-
Toby smiled as he trekked through the familiar stretch of woods to your house, heart racing in his chest. He had it all planned out, exactly what he wanted to do, his cock already twitching in his jeans.
He hadn’t shown up tonight on purpose, hanging back at the mansion to take the best shower he could, Ben teasing him about how good he smelled as he was leaving. You had to be well in bed by now, body tired after working all day just for him. He would take care of you, showing just how grateful he was for how much you were giving up just for his friends and him. Pressing past the tree line, he smiled, pulling his hood down as all the lights in your home were out, signaling your retirement.
Pressing up the steps, he slid the screen door open quietly, careful not to alert you as he clicked it shut. Stripping his hoodie, he tossed it onto the couch, Addy purring light against the cushions. It was warm in your house, black t-shirt hugging his arms as he untucked it from his jeans, climbing up the steps, his mask and goggles quick to come off next.
He was too excited for his own good, boots stepping quietly against the old hardwood as he slinked to your door, fidgeting with the knob. A rush of your scent blew into his face, your perfume stout in your small bedroom, eyes searching around in the dark space for your bed. It wasn’t hard with your breathing, quiet snores making him smile as he leaned against your mattress, admiring your unawareness. You looked so peaceful, his bandaged fingers tracing your cheeks and brushing your hair from your face, your skin flinching under his touch. “Hi, baby…” He whispered, the pet name sounding right against his tongue as he referred to you, tugging the sheets down.
Toby always knew how nice of a body you had, you sometimes sauntering around the house with shorts and a t-shirt and making his eyes trail just a little longer than normal. But now, under his cold hands, you were even more gorgeous. You were wearing an oversized shirt, a slight tug at the fabric revealing that you only had panties on underneath, you slightly stirring as his nails brushed your skin. The brunette was excitedly jittering, kicking his boots off as he climbed onto the bed, kneeling at your curled body sound asleep. You shifted, rolling onto your back as you breathed deep, stretching your arms before settling back into yourself. Toby could have died, your legs stretching out to rest around him, his cock twitching with interest against your now visible panties. A quiet sigh breathed through your lips.
That was all the invitation he needed. Running his cold hands under your shirt, he felt your warm skin and goosebumps rising as you squirmed under them. Your brows scrunched but Toby pressed further, running his fingers along your waist and up to your tits, palming the mounds gently as he smiled. It was crazy to him just how soft your skin was, not weathered or bruised from missions or nature, perfectly smooth under his axe-calloused hands. Pushing your shirt up to your chest, he gasped at your round tits, the weight so perfect in his hands as he pinched at your nipples, rubbing the nubs gently. Toby was never very sure of anything, always brushing through life at the command of others. But the one thing he was sure about? His love for boobs, especially yours.
Nudging closer between your legs, he rested your knees on his thighs, leaning down to your chest as he popped a nipple into your mouth, sucking gently. The nub was hard against his tongue, slowly circling as he massaged the opposite one in his palm, pinching your nipple gently. That’s when you began to stir, hands sliding against the bed and unconsciously searching for the cause of your sensitivity. Lazy hands pushed against his face, soft groans echoing in the boy’s ears as he popped off your nipple and moved to the next one. Your hands fingered through his hair, tugging lightly until your eyes were beginning to flutter, your mind slowly coming alive. Toby let off your tit, kissing along your chest and licking a stripe between your tits, humming as he watched your eyes slowly blink open, confusion rocking you. He kneaded your tits gently, tugging at your nipples as you realized what was happening, eyes slowly widening as you strained to sit up against him. “Toby? Wha-” Your voice was scratchy, ridden with exhaustion as the brunette kissed up your neck to your cheeks, pushing you back down as he slotted himself flush between your legs. Slowly realizing what was happening, your cheeks flushed dark, hands pressing against his chest as you squirmed, nervously babbling as your body was still half asleep. “Lay b- back, baby… You’re so ti- tired, let me take c- care of you…” Toby sighed, running his hands back down along your skin, relishing in the way your body nervously shook under him.
You physically could not believe what was happening. This had to be a dream, some sick trick your mind was playing as you felt cold fingers hook under your panties, sliding them down. Heavy eyes wide, you grabbed his arms, clenching your thighs together against his waist. “No- No, wait- I don’t even, I mean, I’ve never-” Toby was already shushing you, gripping your wrists together and kissing your palms before pushing them back down to your sides, resuming his tug down your thighs. “I’ve go- got you. Don- Don’t gotta worry about a- a thing…” He smiled, raising your legs up to slide your panties down the rest of the way, hooking them off of your raised ankles before pulling you down closer to him, pushing your shirt over your head. “Read y- your journal, you don- don't gotta act protective, ba- baby. I know this is what y- you want…” If you weren’t already panicking, you definitely were now.
You wanted to hound him for snooping through your journal, mouth opening to tell him off. But as his fingers brushed against the inside of your thigh, dangerously close to your folds, you lost all train of thought. He was watching you, eyes excited in the darkness of your room as he swiped his thumb closer again, your thighs flinching shut. “Anyone else e- ever touched here before?” He mumbled, pressing his thumb against your plump lips and tugging them open, getting a nice look at the wetness that was already forming between your folds. Shaking your head, Toby lit up, cock pushing hard against his jeans as he had to adjust his position, using both hands to pull your lips apart, sighing at how pretty your cunt was. Just something about knowing that Toby was claiming his stake on you, imprinting his touch for the first time before anyone else could, made something deep inside of him burn. It wasn’t like the brunette got much play himself, hooking up with a girl here and there, but being your first? That already made this so much better than any other girl could even try.
Sliding his fingers through your wetness, you gasped, hands clutching the pillow behind your head as he groaned, spreading your arousal across your lower abdomen. You whined, thighs begging to clench together as he purposefully slid your juices over your cunt, pressing his thumb down against your swollen clit and jolting your back off the mattress. You had only ever masturbated here and there, your body getting too overwhelmed after one orgasm and forcing you to stop, but would Toby stop? As he brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them into his mouth, you doubted his restraint.
“Please be gentle…” You warned, hands planting on the mattress as you sat up, resting on your elbows as you watched Toby bring his digits back down to your cunt. He rolled his eyes playfully, tugging your folds open with his opposite hand as he pressed the tips of his fingers against your entrance, pressing in slowly. “I’ll try…” He laughed, your fingers gripping the sheets tight as you watched his fingers sink in slow, stretching your cunt uncomfortably. His index and middle fingers screwed into your tight walls gently, twisting his wrist to draw a moan from your lips, digits spreading against your gummy walls and making your entrance ache. “Just i- imagine my dick in here…” He cooed, eyes darting between your nervous face and your pretty cunt fluttering around just his fingers, barely even handling them.
Pressing his opposite thumb against your clit, he began to rub in small circles, dragging your hips further and further off of the mattress until you were practically rolling your hips against him. His fingers probed in and out of your cunt at a slow pace, just enough to make you comfortable with the unfamiliar intrusion, but his arms ached to go faster, curl his fingers until you spasmed. “Toby…” You sighed, his hands moving in time with other as he screwed his fingers inside of you, angling them just enough so they pressed against your tight walls. His name sounded like heaven against your aroused tongue, so quiet but so desperate, secretly drawling for more. “Tell me w- what you want, ba- baby…” The pet name made your face hot, your stomach fluttering as you pressed back into the pillows, running your hands down to your thighs and squeezing the flesh. “I want… more…” You sighed through your arousal, cunt clenching desperately around Toby’s cold fingers, sucking them back inside every time he drew them out. The brunette laughed, pushing his feet under him to push his hips up against your ass, your hips raising off the bed as he fingered down into you. You could feel his cock straining behind his jeans below your raised ass, twitching needily with every tug of his fingers and moan that whined from your throat. His size was overwhelming, making your heart pound as Toby began to curl his fingers, making your eyes shut quickly.
His fingers pressed so deep in your cunt, curling against your sensitive walls and making your jaw hang, beginning to press against your walls at a steady rhythm. It was like a new fire had lit under Toby, fingers screwing in at a quicker pace and making your stomach clench, face screwing into an overwhelmed feeling. His fingers pumped in, knuckles sinking in through your wetness and gripped by your gummy walls, curling his fingertips just right as he got deep. It was so intense, so rough, just a mess of slick and your wet cunt sounding through the room with every squelch as he abused your clit, swiping left and right quickly. Your thighs twitched and ached with every curl, trying to close around his hand practically fucking you into sensitivity. Your hands wrapped around his forearm quickly, begging his wrists to stop curling abusively inside of you as you tugged your nails into his skin. Toby wouldn’t, continuing to pump his fingers as he stared at your flushed face, cunt squelching embarrassingly loud. “Just a l- little more… Co- Come on…” He groaned, nudging his hips against your bare ass as his fingers milked moans and whines out of you, his fingers glistening with your arousal every time he tugged them out. He couldn’t feel you clawing at his arms, loud groans begging him to let up as your cunt clenched, molding around his thick fingers.
You could feel your orgasm rolling through you, Toby huffing as the veins in his arms popped, his shoulder muscles straining against his shirt as he watched your face carefully, picking up as your moans became louder. “Gonna come f- for me? Yeah?” He teased, clothed cock twitching against your ass, pushing your cheeks apart as he rutted against you. He curled his fingers quicker, mumbling his arousal as he watched your cunt swell around him, clit throbbing under his thumb. Your orgasm hit you like a truck, stomach tightening and forcing you to sit up, Toby was quick to let off your clit and wrap his arm around your back, holding you up as he pumped your through your cunt squelching, tightening around his digits. Your eyes rolled, teeth grit tight as he palmed your clit, slowing his pace to a slow thrust as you became undone against him. No orgasm of your own had ever compared to that, head light and chest heavy as you breathed quickly, gripping Toby’s shirt tight.
Refusing to let you go, Toby leaned in, pressing kisses against your neck and licking at your sweat, relishing in the warmth around his digits. You whined, cunt sensitive as he tugged his fingers out, his skin raw and pruned against the wetness coating his digits. Your folds were absolutely drenched, Toby spreading his fingers through your lips and pushing his sopping fingers over your warm thighs wrapped around him. “God, y- you’re so wet-” He gasped, pressing his fingertips back against your clit as he laid you back, gripping your tit. Your mind panicked, cunt flashing with sensitivity as he began to rub against your clit, swiping left and right against the rub quickly. “Toby- Stop- Toby, please-” You cried, breath catching in your throat as your stomach clenched, his fingers pressing hard as he pinched your nipples, eyes trained on your wet pussy. “You e- ever squirt before?” He smiled, transitioning fast between digging his fingers into your cunt and pulling them back out to swipe against your clit. It was nauseating, cunt crying desperately for relief as he dug nails into your tits. Gasping loudly, you gripped his arms, knees screwing tight against his sides as you cried out, hips bucking up against his hands.
Every time his fingers slipped into your entrance, they squelched loudly, fluttering around the intrusion before desperately aching as they tugged out and moved onto your clit. “Squirt li- like a whore, m- mkay? Quit fightin’.” He hissed, letting his hand off your tit and scooping under your left knee, pushing it back to open your cunt wider, spreading your legs further apart. Your head was dizzy, heart pounding as you gasped for air, panting at every push of his fingers. You were already quick to cumming, but it felt weird, not that normal clench you felt in your stomach, more of a strain against your cunt itself. You cried out, tears slipping down your cheeks as he forced your pussy against his will, ruining you.
As he swiped his fingertips down hard against your clit, your entrance clenched, mouth opening wide as you cried out, hips bucking up as you felt your cunt squirt, thighs trembling hard. There was literally nothing to compare it to, mind hazy as you sprayed onto his black shirt, his fingers digging into your entrance and pushing more juices out of your swollen folds. Toby was smiling, moaning his approval as he rubbed your clit softly, pushing the last of your orgasm out as you strained against the mattress. “Gunna fu- fuck you dumb, baby…” He growled, tugging the soaked shirt over his head and tossing it as he unzipped his jeans, tugging them down and off his legs as his cock hung heavy against your drenched cunt. You couldn’t even react, head spinning as Toby gripped your hips, pushing you onto your side as he grabbed your ankle, pulling it onto his shoulder and straddling your other.
Neck craning with excitement, he teased the tip of his swollen cock between your folds, slicking himself up with your ruined juices. “This is wh- what you wanted, is- isn’t it?” He smiled wildly, pressing his cock into your ruined cunt, groaning loudly as you swallowed him in, warmth gripping tight as he gripped your leg, other hand stable on your tit. You groaned, face turned into the pillow as he began to thrust deep, giving you no mercy as he tugged at your nipple, biting at your calf as he fucked into you. You felt so full, your body so exhausted already as stretched you further, your entrance burning against the sting of this new girth. You squeezed him so tight, cock forcing itself deeper with every tug of his hips as you began to cry, tears staining your pillowcase.
“Fuckin’ tal- alk to me, baby. Gunna mak- make me cum al- already.” He sighed, teeth chewing against the meat of your calf as he pressed your cunt wider, sweat dripping from his nose as his curls clung to his forehead. He let off your tit, left hand slinking up to grip your jaw and turn your face back to look at him, your eyes heavy as they blurred with tears. Toby looked so good right now, cheeks dark against his freckles as he towered above you, cock pushing against your gummy walls and making your mouth hang. “So pretty…” He smiled, slinking his hand down to your throat and squeezing, cock pulsing as your face tightened, mouth gasping out as he clamped tighter, refusing you air. There was something so orgasmic about cutting your airway, watching your body react as he fucked your virgin cunt, holding your life in his hands. He had to breathe deep to stop himself from cumming, his violent brain spasming out.
He pushed your ankle over his head, pulling out roughly as he rolled you onto your stomach, you gasping from the wave of air hitting your lungs. Pushing himself against your ass, Toby swore, pushing his cock back into your cunt as he pushed your back down, making you arch against him. “Just a l- little more, m’kay?” He growled, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck and squeezing hard, pressing your face down into the pillow. With a new pace, he fucked down into you wildly, hand kneading your ass hard as digging his nails into your skin, little welts forming across the soft flesh. Your muffled cries sounded against the pillow, head light and static filled as you gasped for air, Toby’s cock ramming down against your g-spot. “Never s- seen a bitch so willing, so des- desperate for my dick you’d gi- give it up so easily.” He teased, growling as he let off your neck, neck sore as he leaned down, pushing your hair off your neck. Toby hadn’t felt like this before, wanting to mark you, fucking you so desperately he wanted to carve his shape deep inside. He couldn’t let you go without knowing exactly who you craved, corrupting you, ruining you, molding you to fit only him.
He licked against your shoulder, sucking onto the skin before he pressed his teeth, digging both hands into your hips as he sunk them in, groaning at the pop as your blood soaked his teeth. You were crying, screaming into the pillow as your entire body begged for him, craving him, mind going blank as your blood dripped from his chin as he licked at the wound. He pressed on, nibbling into the crook of your neck and sucking revolting hickies into your skin, marking you like an animal. “Wan- Want you to come on m- my cock, baby. I got- gotta fill you full, want y- you ruined for everyone b- but me.” He mumbled quickly, cock begging to spill inside of your warm cunt as you reached around, gripping his hair as he sunk his teeth in again, walls fluttering around him. You pulled his hair, dragging his mouth off of your neck and to your lips, smashing your swollen, tear-stained lips against his as he groaned, kissing you roughly.
You were cumming again, back arching onto Toby’s cock as you moaned into his mouth, walls holding him tight inside. He tried to move, to continue thrusting, but you were so tight all he could do was rutt his hips, begging for friction as his own seed spilt, his brows screwing tight as he came deep inside of you, warm cum seeping deep into your cunt. Your mind was blank, eyes rolled as you cried into his grasp, his nails digging into your hips until you were nearly bleeding. Your cunt squelched, milking his cock as he finally pulled from your lips, letting the last of your orgasms fizzle out before he pushed off of you, slowly tugging himself out as you whined. Looking back, his cock was soaked, glistening with your arousal and streaks of blood, Toby’s eyes wide. “Ah… Yo- You tore…” He hissed, wiping his soft cock with his shirt before pulling his boxers on, quickly trotting out of your room. You dropped your head back onto the pillow, cunt aching and body ruined as you sat in your sweat and each other’s cum, mind tired as you slowly blinked.
Toby was back in seconds, a water bottle, a wet rag, and a small bag all in tow as he climbed back onto the bed, flipping your lazy body onto your back. You smiled, sipping the water bottle slowly as he began to clean you up, gently running the warm rag between your folds and against your thighs until he was satisfied, gently rubbing your skin. Finally, he grabbed the bag, your confusion evident as he tugged out the prescription bag, rummaging for the plan b he made you buy and popping one of the pills out, handing it to you as he smiled. Your chest welled, previous anxiety dissipating until you began to tear up, taking the small pill before reaching to wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him down next to you. Toby went easily, body cradling against yours as he kissed against the bruised spots on your neck, rubbing your bite mark gently.
As you began to doze, Toby mumbled something about your note, your mind too dizzy to hear the rest. The last thing you saw was a subtle flash behind your eyelids, sleep overtaking you as Toby held you close.
-
Morning came quickly, your body stirring, reaching for Toby but finding the bed empty. Confused, you sat up, eyes heavy and head still pounding but you pressed off the bed anyway, searching for the boy. Downstairs, on the countertop, laid his hoodie neatly folded, with a small piece of paper resting on top. Sauntering over, you reached for the top, sliding it over your head, it falling before your hips as you gripped the paper, reading its contents.
On a mission. Be back later tonight. Meanwhile, enjoy ;)
Flipping the paper over, you gasped, slapping your hand over your mouth. A small picture was taped to the back, a polaroid-type photo of the two of you cradled together, your bare body pressed against his, bruises and sweat on full display. Smiling, you tucked it into his pocket, breathing the scent of his hoodie deep as Addy circled your ankles, begging for breakfast.
Staring out your back porch door, you made sure it was unlocked, always open for him. Killer or not, that boy was yours now, accepting his every mishap the same way he did yours. For the first time in a long time, you felt wanted.
Rest in Hell, Mr. Higgs.
This was an anonymous request!
Comments and reblogs are appreciated! 𐚁₊⊹
#smut#creepypasta#ticci toby#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta smut#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta x y/n#creepypasta x female reader#ticci toby smut#ticci toby x reader#ticci toby x you#ticci toby x y/n#proxies#eyeless jack#jeff the killer#ben drowned#slenderman#slenderverse#jeff the killer x reader#eyeless jack x reader#ben drowned x reader#masky x reader#masky x hoodie#masky and hoody#jeff the killer x y/n#eyeless jack x you#slenderman x you#jeff the killer x eyeless jack#slenderman x reader
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if you actually cared about palestinians, if you actually wanted to help people in gaza, you would donate to accredited organizations that are actually making a difference
throwing your money at every gofundme you get sent is performative, it's ignorant, it's a real 'head empty' move. something a child with no internet knowledge or common sense would do.
and to continue to defend doing that just shows that you don't actually care about helping people in gaza. you just don't want to be wrong. you don't want to admit that maybe you've been wasting your own money and the money of those who follow you and follow the links you share
you can't vet gofundme's. 'reverse image search' isn't actually vetting. and you can't trust every person on tumblr who says 'trust me!'
i can't believe any of this actually has to be pointed out in the first place, let alone driven home repeatedly because y'all refuse to even CONSIDER you JUST MIGHT be wrong. that you just might have fallen for propaganda and lies designed to hit your desire to do right, do good, and help (falling for those things btw is common. it's easy. you're not bad for getting caught up in it, but i am judging you if you refuse to consider that might be where you are.) (this actually applies to gofundme scams AND whatever heinous antisemitic alternate universe you're living in due to the non-facts you eat for every meal)
i'm not a zionist
i can't be. i'm not jewish.
but i am pro-peace, pro-two state solution, pro jewish self determination, pro palestine's continued existence, anti-ANYONE dying, and beyond fucking tired of y'all's bullshit
stop being fucking stupid
stop throwing your money in the trash
stop acting like your hate isn't hate
stop acting like you're on some fucking high horse and you have all the facts despite actually knowing absolutely fucking nothing because you refuse to listen to a single real non-token jew. you're antisemitic. i don't care that you don't think you are. you are. so many of you just are. and you don't get to decide you're not. just like a racist doesn't get to decide they aren't racist. if people in a group are calling you something there just might be a fucking reason for it, kathy
re-learn your internet safety, turn your brain back on, hop off the hate bandwagon, educate yourself beyond surface level shit the internet presents you with, make informed decisions based on facts, do things that will ACTUALLY help people in gaza.
be fucking better. do fucking better.
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Hiiiii! I'm the same anon that requested the student council president Dr Ratio, and after reading that I need to have more. So what about Student council president reader x troublemaker Kafka where Kafka corrupts reader by fucking her?
I didn't know how to write this without making it seem like the Veritas Ratio one so I just went ahead with like headcanons and scenarios ;((
Troublemaker | Kafka (18+)
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ Synopsis: Abuse of power against the weak.
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇Tags: Kafka, Fingering, WLW, Reader is AFAB, Corruption, Non-Con, Kafka takes advantage of her abilities on reader, Kafka is hot.
⋇⋆✦⋆⋇Note: Look at the end of tags-- hihihihihihi--
Troublemaker! Kafka who just got enrolled into your school and now everyone is bowing down to her feet due to her beauty.
Troublemaker! Kafka who you think is so pretty but as soon as she opens her mouth, she immediately got under your nerves. Causing you to hate her.
Troublemaker! Kafka who despite knowing your hatred for her, she can't help but continue to approach you.
"Come on, little flower…You can't simple be mad at me forever, right?" She let out with that oh so hypnotizing sultry voice of her, something about it just makes you want to look at her but you decided to not falter.
Troublemaker! Kafka who got tired of your constant avoidance that she took the matter into her own hands.
You sat on your chair, important documents scattered all over your desk as your gaze roamed all over them. Too focused, you were then suddenly startled as the door flung open, revealing Kafka -- who stood there with her brows furrowed before she then closed the door locking it. "What are you doing here? You can't be here." You let to which she replied with a chuckle. "Oh Darling, Don't be so harsh…am just here…" SHe paused as she approached you, staring at you. Her eyes glowing a bright hue of pink and purple, You sat there as you stared back. Your senses gradually dissipated as you looked at her who smiled at you. "Am just here to have a little treat…" She let out before you then blacked out, losing control of yourself before you sat limp on your chair.
Troublemaker! Kafka who used her Spirit Whisper on you in order to get you to fully take control of your entire being.
Troublemaker! Kafka who wakes you up from your slumber by eating you out, tongue slobbering down on your pussy as she sucked on the little nub.
Opening your eyes, your hands instantly reached down and met Kafka's head in between your legs. Looking down, Kafka's gaze met yours as she continued to eat you out, your hand gripping onto her head and pulling onto her hair as you threw your head back.
Troublemaker! Kafka who procedeed to fuck her gloved finger in you after eating you out, kissing you as you tasted your arousal on her lips.
Troublemaker! Kafka who gave you the pleasure that not even yourself could give.
Troublemaker! Kafka who praised you and called you sweet endearments as she rubbed your pussy while peppering your face with small kisses.
Troublemaker! Kafka who made you cum, your legs shaking as your little hands tightly held onto the collar of her unidorm, wrinkling it.
Troublemaker! Kafka who wasn't content from that one encounter, so she has to use her spirit whisper on you again; turning you into a change person that wants nothing but to feel her hands all over your body, turning you into her little slut <3
#mao {navigation}#honkai star rail#hsr smut#honkai star rail smut#hsr#hsr kafka#kafka x reader#kafka smut#kafka x reader smut
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My master
—summary: Alucard, the Vampire who proclaimed himself your servant, drinks your blood for the first time
—warnings: sexual content, master/servant relationship, non-consensual touching, dirty talk, blood drinking, human/vampire relationship
words: 1.468.
The day could not have been more exhausting, you had to work late because your boss didn't have more staff, it left you exhausted, very tired but you were finally able to get out of that hell, the bad thing is that it is very dark and cold at night, the London streets are eerily silent tonight.
"Scared dear?" He says a loud voice to which you scream and turn around throwing your bag towards the person behind you, the man catches the bag quickly "is this for me?" He laughs. "Ah! Alucard! You scared me, don't do that again!" You approach him and take his bag from him, "my sincere apologies, my master" you shudder at the dominant alias, Alucard is a vampire who had proclaimed himself as your servant months ago, you think he is crazy and you have certainly realized that he is, you were not a dominant person, much less someone of authority, you honestly don't know why he says you are his Mistress and you haven't asked him anyway. From the little you know about him is that he is a very strong, self-centered and prankster Vampire, you have even seen him in action a couple of times.
Alucard laughs at your ramblings while you both head to your apartment, even though the walk was long neither of them spoke much, as always Alucard only followed you because according to him it is to "protect you from danger" that you appreciated but you also don't want to abuse his goodness.
You enter your apartment and Alucard follows you by closing the door behind him "I must say that your area is very cozy Mistress" he takes off his hat and glasses before sitting on the sofa that he himself has claimed as "his", you Without giving it much importance go to your room and changes your clothes into more comfortable ones, minutes later You returns with the vampire "...I'm going to cook chicken and French fries, do you want?" You ask the vampire "No, dear human, I'm not a big fan of fried food." You thought for a moment whether to offer him a salad since he was a vampire, but he didn't seem to hate human food either, after all, he's eaten with you a few times, well, when you cook for him. .
You got down to work while the vampire just watched you as always, at first you were afraid of this monster, his energy was and is a little sinister, but over time you began to appreciate his company, he saved you a few times from some malefactors even, their presence still bothers you a little but you put up with it, Alucard has made it clear to you many times that he has no intention of harming you, that he is your servant and is here to obey your orders, whatever you ask of him. He's weird, you think.
In your rambling you get distracted and accidentally cut the skin on your hand, a sharp pain runs through you, thick blood falls from your hand to your elbow, you quickly turn off the stove "Ugh!" You groan in pain as you head towards the dishwasher to wash your wound.
The vampire, with his developed sense of smell, perceived a sweet and tempting aroma in the air, a fragrance that was familiar and irresistible at the same time. It was your smell of blood, a signal to his thirsty nature. However, there was something different about this smell, a subtle but unmistakable touch of sweetness, as if he belonged to a human being with a unique and exquisite blood. Alucard quickly stopped you, he appeared in front of you with a smile from ear to ear "Let me help you with that My Dear Mistress, it will be a pleasure to clean and heal your wound" you got a little scared, you were dripping blood with an extremely violent vampire, danger!
Alucard sensed your fear and quickly calmed you down or at least he tried to. "I won't bite you, I promise, you don't have to be scared, sweet human, I won't hurt you unless you give me those orders," he says with a deep but soft voice at the same time. While the vampire convinces you, he takes you to the couch and sits you on top of his legs. You are embarrassed but you still give in. You raise your hand to let the blood drip into your Vampire's mouth. Alucard opens his mouth, big as a beast, his fangs sharp, each one pointed, he sticks out his long, fat tongue, he is eager, salivating even before you will agree to feed him.
A heavy drop of blood falls on the vampire's tongue, his pupils dilate and his gaze becomes intense, the beautiful beast grabs your hand and brings it to his mouth, his tongue was cold, the sensation of the wet and heavy tongue of Alucard slightly relieves your pain, he tastes your entire hand and your fingers, from top to bottom from one side to the other, his tongue moves gently enjoying the taste of your blood, he simply knows that he has never tasted a taste as sweet as it. Yours, it's the first time he's tasted your blood, he knew you were as tasty as he imagined.
Shadow hands appear around you to caress you, his hands are everywhere! On your abdomen, legs and thighs! How disrespectful!
You get embarrassed and try to take his hand away but he is stronger, his grip is firm on his food.
Alucard's hands caress you gently, kneading your skin over your clothes, he wants to taste everything about you.
once he finishes his meal, his eyes are fixed on you, his irises a bright red color, he smiles at you softly but with a dominant expression, he lets out a deep laugh as he brings you even closer to him "my mistress... You are a virgin..." He says with a deep voice, you move your hands away and put it to your chest, your cheeks turn red because of Alucard's words, did he know it just by tasting your blood? What does it have to do with you being a virgin? What a dirty pervert!
"So what...?"
He just laughs, he knew you were shy but you were also sweet and kind, always gentle and ready for anything, he couldn't believe that a little thing as pretty as you was still a virgin, he couldn't believe that even though you was so beautiful, so tasty, no one has corrupted you, well...it's not like any human can properly teach you what carnal pleasures are.
He purred, the taste and your aroma were overwhelming, his Master is as tasty as she looks.
"Mmm...wouldn't you like to feel what sexual pleasure is like, little human?" He doesn't care if you were a virgin or not but now? Oh...he wanted to corrupt you in every way possible, the smell of your embarrassment and excitement from the dirty talk invaded the vampire's senses.
You felt your panties stick to your lips because of the humidity "..." You remained silent, is this how this creature addresses his master? Did you know that he was insolent, what good is he proclaiming himself your servant if he doesn't respect you as such? Your eyebrows knit together in an expression of anger and embarrassment. He laughs at your reaction.
"My master..." he says with a suggestive voice, almost like a whisper, "it's been a long time since I gave myself to a Human," you don't respond. "You know that I am all yours, your servant, I am here to please your needs, to please you my beloved master..." Again he begins to purr. Your heart beats hard as you feel the hardness in the Vampire's crotch.
He was a burlesque and a pervert but he knew how to seduce a woman, using dirty words but at the same time being a gentleman.
He has never given himself this way to a master, not even his previous masters, but you? How could you be so delicious? So cute? He was willing to please you if you wanted, he just waited for you to say the words.
"You...you are not my servant Alucard" you get up from the couch "And I don't want...I don't want to do that..."
Alucard sighs disappointed but accepts "even if you don't want to be my mistress, I want you to know that I am here if you need to satisfy your needs, dear," he smiles.
"Please forgive my insolence, no matter how much I want you, I have to earn your affection and I will do it appropriately" he rises to his height and bends down again to kiss your hand in an act of chivalry.
Sorry if there are spelling mistakes, English is not my first language, I hope you enjoyed! You are free to leave me ideas by the way. AO3: rosemary06 (click)
#alucard#alucard hellsing#alucard x reader#alucard x you#alucard hellsing x reader#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#hellsing anime#fanfic#hellsing x reader
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Valentine's Day
Tags : smut with slight plot, f!reader, non-con?, freaky satoru, reader is in a relationship with a non-sorcerer, basically has cheating implied but it's not cheating (I'm gonna defend reader with my life on this), unprotected sex (I cannot stress this enough but do not attempt, use protection), characters are in their mid 20's, lil' angst (if you squint), Non-con (nvm it's con, I change my mind), stomach bulge (it's subtle), plot twist in the end.
Minors please. You know the drill, out 🚪🚶🏻♀️👈🏼
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Gojo regrets his offer on lending an ear to you, tired of listening to every whine and complaints you make against your non-sorcerer boyfriend that you've been dating for 5 months; he really should've joined Suguru on his mission to eradicate all non-sorcerers, at least he'd have you all to himself then.
But what he regrets most is the fact that he didn't ask you out earlier than your current boyfriend, missing the chance to be called yours, instead that rat-faced guy- that can't treat you right- now has the label of being yours. But now you're telling Gojo that you suspect your boyfriend's cheating on you? He couldn't be more delighted listening to that. Maybe he doesn't really regret on his offer afterall.
"And guess what Satoru! I called him last night and I swear on my life that I heard a woman's voice on the line calling him back to bed before he cut the call on me!" You throw your arms up frustratedly, inches away from smacking Satoru's face as you plop down on the couch with a dejected sigh and a small frown, missing the glint in his eyes; you'd have missed the sight either way since he wears a blindfold.
"Why are you even with him then?"
Another heavy sigh from you makes Satoru sigh too, why couldn't you just break up with your current boyfriend and get with him instead? Satoru is way better in everything and did he mention that he's way better in everything? Yes, he did. What else do you want from him at this point? "You don't understand, I love him," you mumble, fiddling with your hands as you stare at the ceiling longingly. Unbeknownst to you Satoru did understand afterall he holds the same feelings you do; seething with jealousy again, he silently curses the very three words that poured out of your mouth that wasn't aimed towards him. He hates your boyfriend with a burning passion now, well more than he usually did.
"I love him," you whisper softly, leaving Satoru unsure on if you're convincing yourself of your love or announcing your love to the world; he'd prefer the former choice if it came down to it.
February 14th, 6 : 45 PM
Satoru rushes towards the bus stop as he looks down at his phone and your stagnant location, unmoving and unchanging for the past 2 hours, fearing for the worst of situation. Looking around hurriedly after arriving, his heart leaps with relief when he catches sight of your figure but it falls just as quickly as he notices your condition.
Your beautiful locks was now unkempt because of the wind, your skin peeking out of the sleeveless dress almost looked translucent with the chill settling in but what broke his heart was your expression, the look of a shattered heart set so deep in your eyes that you no longer looked like you anymore.
"You're gonna get sick at this rate," he sighs, throwing his coat over your shoulders. You look up at him with listless eyes, redness decorating every inch of it as you wipe your sore eyes again. "He cheated on me," you say quietly, shivering slightly as you finally come to your senses, pulling the coat a little tighter over you.
Helping you up on your feet, he pulls you close with an arm and gently rubs your back," Let's get you home," he mumbles softly- you slump under his hold, mindlessly moving your feet as he takes you back home.
7 : 23 PM
"Tell me everything from the start," he folds his arm across his chest with his blindfold off, satisfied as he watches you all bundled up on the couch. You take in a deep breathe, lips wobbling slightly as you pathetically hold back tears again; Satoru really needs to get rid of your boyfriend quickly.
"Well, I wanted to surprise him for valentines day so I stopped by his house," you take in a deep breathe, voice thick with emotions as your trembling hands pick on the blanket over you. "An- and when I entere-," you sputter, fresh new wave of tears pouring out of you as the memory floods in. Immediately rushing to your side on the couch, he pulls you in and shushes at you- baffled at how vulnerable you were at the moment, he watched you exorcise curses multiple times your size and strength without seeing you flinch even once but the fact that one non-sorcerer has you shaking in tears baffles him, thoroughly so.
You clench onto his shirt, looking up at his cerulean eyes with your own wet eyes and tear-stained cheeks." Satoru, help me," you whimper out pleadingly. "What?" Satoru breathes out, looking down at you from the squashing hold he has you under, "Help me forget," you sob and he mentally kicks himself for finding you so pretty even in this situation.
"Knock me out, use your cursed techniques. Do whatever you want just please hel-" he cuts you off, pressing his lips softly against yours- no longer able to hold his feelings back when you're practically begging him, all his morals practically thrown out of the window. Your breathe hitches in surprise when you feel his hand snaking up your head, tangling it in your hair and feels his tongue swiping against your lips for entrance; you pull away and he reluctantly allows you to do so, lips slightly parted as he looks at you guiltily.
"I'm sor-" this time you cut him off, pulling him in and crushing your lips against his- you needed to forget and he kissed you first...so that's a good sign isn't it? The feeling of heartbreak and want to forget completely over-powering the guilt of using Satoru for your own benefit; Satoru couldn't be happier though, the initial shock of being kissed was wearing off and being replaced by a primal urge, he could finally show you that he was so much better than your boyfriend. In more ways than one.
Hungrily kissing your soft lips, he paws at the blanket and pulls it off of you, eager to touch your skin- delighted when you allow him to do so, your own hands tangling in his hair. "Bedroom," you gasp hurriedly, pointing towards the direction and he immediately complies. Stumbling towards the bedroom, neither breaking the heated kiss as pieces of clothing gets discarded on the floor and fingers tug at everything and anything.
Reaching the room without breaking the kiss, Satoru tugs at your bra with a firm pull and rips it apart, earning him a small protest out of you," I'll replace that later," he mumbles in your lips, hands cupping your ass. Sloppily kissing your jaw and making his way down to your exposed chest; licking, sucking and rolling every inch of your skin possible, marking your body red and purple- he shuts the door behind him with his feet, reveling in the small sounds of pleasure gushing out of your mouth.
"Satoru, can't stand," you whine out when your legs gives out under you, arms wrapped weakly around his neck as he lifts you up and gently lays you down on the bed, shifting himself right in-between your legs and prying it open with little effort from his side when you try to shut it close. Hooking a finger at the edge of your lacy underwear, he pulls it down torturously slowly- mouth drying up at the sight of your cunt, wet and clenching onto nothing. "So pretty," he coos, holding your thighs apart with his hands, he leans down and inhales your scent, ignoring the way you squirmed underneath him. Gently parting your folds with his fingers and watching your slick coat your walls, he swallows thickly as he licks his lips.
"Wai-" you cry out, hands hurriedly grabbing onto the sheets when he sucks at your clit with no warning, gulping down your juice like a starved man," tastes s' good," he moans, sending vibrations through you; arching your back and grinding your hips against his face, your eyes roll back from the stimulation. Popping a long slender finger inside, he explores every inch; a wide grin stretching on his face when he grazes a spot and your hip bucks up, sucking his finger whole with a loud moan.
"That feel good?" He asks, lazily adding in another and abusing your weak spot. You nod your head, hands clasping over your mouth to hold back your moans as tears collect in your eyes again, spilling over the edges and onto the sheets. "You look so much prettier crying under me instead of over him," he mumbles, resting his head on your thigh as he looks up at you with flushed cheeks, working his fingers inside you.
Fondling his clothed bulge with his other hands, his gaze zeroes on you, burning every detail into memory afterall you might never wanna see him again after this so he'd rather take the chance to memorize all your cute reactions and small mewls, clenching around his finger and oozing cream over it as you jerk from your orgasm, your vision goes black and Satoru moans loudly with you- imagining his cock being replaced with his fingers does wonders for him.
"I'm putting it in," he sits up hurriedly, positioning himself between your legs while pulling his boxers down, letting his cock spring free. You gulp at the sight of it, pre-cum leaking out heavily from the tip and his happy trail making it just the more appetizing but there was just one big problem- he was big, too big in both girth and length. He was so much bigger than your boyfriend and your boyfriend's dick felt right despite not wanting to admit it, the size did feel right. But Satoru's? His was gonna rip you, it's not gonna fit and you're not exaggerating just for the sake of it. It was pretty, sure but it's not gonna fit.
"That's not gon-" he cuts you off yet again, shoving his slick covered fingers in your mouth as he tuts at you disapprovingly. Gathering the slick from your folds with his other hand, he slathers it against his raging cock reverently- pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he licks it clean as he watches you gulp from the sight of it, a small smirk on his face; pushing your folds apart, he angles his fat tip against your hole and pushes in slowly.
"Satoru, wait," you whine out, hands pushing against his muscled alabaster chest, squirming under him and trying to scoot backwards but alas, his grip on your hips prevents you from doing so," you should stop moving so much," he grunts, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes to hold himself back from slamming his cock in you.
"I change my mind, stop. Please," you plead, nails digging in his chest and he sighs, frustratedly pushing his hair back and quickly pulling away from you. Watching him leave out the door, "probably to pick up his clothes," you think, relieved for having your cunt spared despite the ache between your legs. Your relief is quickly cut short when see Satoru enter the bedroom still naked, still hard but with a blindfold in hand now, leaving you swallowing thickly.
"What's that for?" You squeak nervously, sitting up and looking at him standing above you with a wide grin, flashing his pearly whites at you which just unsettles you more. "You'll find out," he murmurs, leaning down and grabbing your ankle, pulling you towards him when you start inching backwards. Your sputtered out protests falls on deaf ears and you're left shocked when he pulls the blindfold over your eyes, hindering your sight as you start panicking, hurriedly trying to pull it off your eyes but stopped when a hand grabs hold of your wrists and pins it above your head with a bruising grip, pushing you flat on the bed.
More protests pours out of your mouth but is quickly silenced when soft lips crushes against yours, the lack of sight only making you more sensitive when you feel a hand press down on your belly, lighting your skin aflame and groaning when the hold on your wrists tightens ever so slightly. Heat pools in your stomach and you buck your hips up, helplessly grinding your throbbing cunt against chiseled abs for friction. Loud whimpers of protest from you gets muted down by Satoru's lips against yours when he pushes his cock between your walls, unrelenting even when you're tugging at your wrists and squirming under him.
Inch by inch, he pushes into your velvety walls steadily with no sign of stopping, eyes rolling to the back of his head when he feels your cunt squeeze and pull him in so needily. "You're s' needy," he moans in your lips, finally bottoming out in you with a grunt, pulling a long needy whine out of you. The delicious stretch of his cock minimizing the pain of being stretched so far, your eyes cross underneath the blindfold and your mouth lolls open, giving Satoru free reign as he sucks and lolls his tongue with yours. Pulling away with a loud smack, a string of saliva attaching itself between both your swollen lips, he looks down at your breatheless, twitching body with a satisfied hum.
"You're really so selfish, y'know?" He grunts, grinding his hips against yours, not yet letting go of his hold on your hand. "All you do is whine and complain about your boyfriend to me without ever caring about how I feel," he stutters, pulling out and ramming back into you with a loud squelch, you squeal and arch your back as he looks down fascinatedly at your cunt taking him in.
"And do you know what makes it worse? The fact that you always say you love him in my face," an incoherent babbles of what he thinks is 'I'm sorry' pours out of you, uncaring of your condition he continues ramming himself in with every word. "When you clearly know that I love you, it's like you consciously try to make me jealous," he snaps his cock brutally against your sweet spot, his hand finally lets go of your pinned hands and grabs hold of your hips to pull you down and meet his. His other hand abusing your swollen clit, leaving you with broken whimpers and stuttering breathes.
Leaning down and resting his face on the crook of your neck, his whispered "I love you's" falling upon unheard ears. Kitten scratching his back and your hips moving against his, his hand glides down to the protusion on your belly everytime he's inside and presses down on it- light flashes in your eyes through the blindfold and you squeal out, cunt squirting it's juices against his stuttering pace. Still fucking you through your orgasm until he cums in you, your silky cunt milking him for all it's worth.
He falls down ontop of you and refuses to pull out, trying to plug his cum inside you- lucky him if he got you pregnant. Pulling the blindfold off from your eyes, he looks at your starstruck eyes with a tired grin. "That help you forget?" He mumbles, kissing your collarbone as you weakly nod your head. You whimper tiredly when you feel his softened cock get hard inside your sensitive hole," Let's just make sure it stays that way, yea?"
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Bonus :
Satoru is woken up by the sound of a ringing phone, groggily looking around when he notices your naked form snuggled against his which pulls a small smile out him. However the insistent ringing is starting to annoy him, what if it woke you up and made you pull away from him? He'll get to that when you wake up naturally, he has plenty of time till then.
Sighing and gently prying you off of him, his silent footsteps pads off towards the hallway filled with strewn clothes. Reaching down to your upturned phone, he annoyedly picks it up and looks at the caller, "Love♡" being the ID, he rolls his eyes at it. Why was your boyfriend even calling you at 4 in the morning? "That's a nice way of calling yourself insensitive." He mumbles to himself, picking the call up and bringing the phone to his ear.
"Hey, its not what you think it is. I swea-" your boyfriend starts, " Thanks for messing up. I appreciate it," Satoru cuts him off, quickly cutting the call and switching it off, silence ensuing in the dark hallway again. Throwing your phone back into the pile of clothes, he makes his way towards the bedroom again when another phone starts to ring. He lets out a frustrated grunt, he shut the phone down so why is it ringing? Looking down he realizes it's his and sighs when he looks at the caller ID, "Plan C". Begrudgingly picking the call, he mumbles an annoyed hello.
"I did what you told me too, that'll be a million," a feminine voice rings from the other line," I'll send it right now," Satoru answers, quickly sending the cash through online payment. "Great doing business with you," the voice replies cheerily before cutting the call. Satoru shuts his phone too, languidly throwing it in the pile again as he walks towards the room. He got rid of your feelings for your boyfriend now all he needs to do is get rid of your boyfriend before you realize that everything was a set-up.
You're smart afterall, talking to your boyfriend might just give Satoru's plan away but until then, all Satoru wants to do is snuggle with you for the moment. He'll save the rest later.
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I know I'm 4 days late for valentines but I had to post this 😭 luckily, my cast is off now >♡< (can't say the same about my laptop though 🥲)
Updates will be slower than usual until I replace my laptop.
Masterlist ♡ Serieslist ♡ NSFWlist
#nuhuhwinniepooh#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#gojo x reader#jjk gojo#jjk x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader smut#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru smut#satoru x you#satoru x reader smut#jjk x reader smut#jjk smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#jjk x y/n smut#jjk x fem!reader
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how can my day be bad when I’m with you?
‧₊˚♡𓂃 enhypen hyung line x fem reader fluff works word count: 792 comfort in a bad day from them to you, established relationship, non-idol au contains: skinship, kissing, petnames, the couple lives together
after a long day at work heeseung ๋࣭ ࣪𓍼 would come home and immediately sense something was off, most of the days when you arrived first you’d wait for him in the living room after changing your clothes. so seeing you in your pajamas with your headphones on, laying on the bed, and showing him your back threw him off. while you did tend to shut down when you felt under the weather, it had been a long time since it happened.
he´d be quick to keep you company because as much as he knew you he knew this meant you did not want to talk yet. he´ll join you on the bed and cuddle you. no words were needed, he would still be in his work clothes and he knew that there would be a conversation later but he did not care. he wanted you to know that he was there with you physically present and ready to hear about your day. so you will spend a good amount of time in silence just feeling each other's warmth, and holding each other in the dusk of the day.
"we can talk whenever you're ready love, I'm not leaving."
your relationship with jongseong ๋࣭ ࣪𓍼 was a really simple/domestic one, with not a lot of emotional ups and downs or disagreements, it was a calm relationship at the end of the day and perfect for the both of you, however, it did take you both a long time to learn not to bottle everything up, it was a common agreement that the communication was something you needed to get better at.
therefore you were well aware - and it was easy to find solace in the fact - that, whenever you had a hard day at work or at life in general you could just talk to him at the end of the day to air out all your unconformities and your partner will be willing to listen to you with a warm beverage in the living room floor. you liked to think that you could hate on life together and find the little good things in it: like you two, together in a warm atmosphere of pure comfort in each other's company even if the world outside was tearing each other down.
"thanks for telling me honey, I'm always here to listen to your worries."
jaeyun ๋࣭ ࣪𓍼 loves seeing you and being close to you, he loves having your attention and sharing everything with you, you always had an easy time matching each other's energy. so whenever you had a bad day when your heart felt heavy and your insides felt empty jake knew you were going through it just by seeing your eyes, he was quick-witted and knew exactly what to do.
he would drag you to bed after a long tiring day and lay you down, he is your emotional support person and you would not need a weighted blanket in his presence, he´d lay on top of you not fully suffocating you but with enough weight to calm the empty feeling you have. depending on your mood he would try to get you to talk with him, even if it's not about what made you upset, he just wants you to spend as little time as possible with those feelings so he´ll try giving you little soft kisses throughout your face constantly reassuring you he is there to listen to you.
"you did great today babe, want to tell me what's on your mind?"
dating sunghoon ๋࣭ ࣪𓍼 and being good partners was a learning curve, his personality and yours took a long time to adapt to a long-term relationship; neither of you were the most touchy and emotionally available at the beginning of the relationship, this improved with time, healthy boundaries were applied and you became more comfortable with each other. you still relied heavily on alone time and waiting to cool down on stuff that bothered you before telling the other person.
however, sometimes life felt so heavy on you that the only thing you needed was the feeling of sharing the same air and space as him. going into the living room where the only noise was coming from his phone you made a nervous beeline to him and laid yourself next to him burying your head in his neck inhaling his scent and looking for relief after a stressful day. the fact that he felt your rapid heartbeat and your shaky breathing made him hold you close in to him avoiding his shock and soothing you with gentle pads on your back giving you his full attention.
"it's okay darling, I'm right here, we can wait until you want to talk, no pressure."
#𝜗℘ the little library ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ#en-log#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen x reader#lee heeseung#park jongseong#sim jaeyun#park sunghoon#heeseung#enhypen jay#enhypen jake#sunghoon
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Won't say I'm in love
Your friend asks about your crush and why you haven't confessed yet, so what is your reasoning
It's most of them but whatever
Jin
“Don't even think about pushing me to confess”
“Why not? He treats you so nice~” she lifts her fingers as she counts “bought you a few pairs of dresses for the gala, protected you in vagastorm, lent you a boat for a mission”
Tired you interrupt her with your reasons “First, I want to get married and I doubt he either wants to marry or he doesn't have already some arranged marriage type of deal” you lift two fingers as you refer to the two possibilities “and I think his dad would hate me, honestly” she rolls her eyes, knowing from what you told her he wouldn't really care what he thought.
“And your second excuse?”
You stay silent for a second but look into her eyes “And second, there is a non zero chance that he might be making me fall so I can potentiate his stigma” your friend pats your back, sensing how your mood went sour.
Kaito
“I do find his neediness cute! Yeah, chase after me and ask me my number and tell me I'm the prettiest in this school!” you clap your hands together and anchor them to your knees, looking like a businessman selling a hard proposal to shareholders “but that loses its charm when it's every other girl that looks at him, I like loser men when they are desperate for me, not in general”
Luca
“I like Luca, that is a fact, but he is already so burdened by search for his brother that I doubt he is even interested in romance or anything like that”
Your friend bites into her veggie sandwich and looks at you doubtful “and you don't want to try because you don't want the confirmation or are you a coward?”
Sighing into your hands you continue “and even if he was into romance and liked me back I wouldn't want to burden him with my curse”
“And you think you should be the only one deciding that?” she continues to judge you making you whine a little ‘i hate you’
Leo
“He is an asshole” you say plain and simple, making your friend launch forward holding her stomach “he isn't really that much nicer to Sho, who is his best friend, he is always pushing him around and ordering him to do things. Plus the bet he made with me makes it sound like he would never fall for me” your friend nods along to your reasoning “I think I'm happy enough being delulu when he grabs me as his girlfriend for his videos”
Sho
“He looks at you with so tenderly~ please you can't deny it”
“I mean he is very sweet and takes me on rides with Bonnie but there is just a little something that makes me uneasy” her head leans to the left curious “Ren told me he used to be a Casanova a few years back, that is making me a bit resistant to accepting my feelings”
She rolls her eyes, were you truly thinking so hard about his smack talk? “And you are taking his word for real? For all that you know he could be salty he isn't good at flirting”
“Given my situation I don't think I would be able to deal with a heartbreak right now”
Haru
“He is just so busy, working from the break of dawn to dusk, I would hate to give him the burden of a partner”
“Then why don't you ease his work a bit?”
“My only ability is potentiate stigmas, nothing that could help protect me, and there is a reason there aren't any general students in jabberwock. At most I could cook for them and feed peekaboo”
“And you aren't happy with helping him with that?”
You snort, fed up with her not understanding your point “I know Haru, he would overexert himself even more trying to be a good boyfriend”
Towa
“I mean…” you say jokingly after she asked you why you don't confess to Towa. She laughs in response “I'm just going to say that it almost feels like I'm fighting a war for his interest and the other party doesn care, yet I'm still losing” she laughs under her hand, trying to keep it down. You look at her seeking confirmation “doesn't it look like it? I gave him flowers and he fed me one and left to share with Haru the others”
“That even hurt me”
“So, yeah, not a very promising future even if he accepts my confession”
Ren
“Do you like charity cases or something?” her eyes widened, stunned, when you told her about your crush.
“Can't you be a little nicer? It isn't like I was going to confess for real”
“Why? I doubt he gets much romantic attention, he most likely would accept” you kick her under the table causing her to look at you offended.
“it's just that I already have a negative forecast for the end of this year and his negativity can be cute like, yeah keep bitching about the wifi speed, gamer boy” you laugh a little “but at some point it's tiring, like I want to hang out, can you not whine about the sun? It might be just another annoying day for him but it's one day less for me”
Taiga
You look at her as if she lost her mind. “You want me to confess to Taiga, Taiga Hoshibami, who can't even remember my name?”
“Maybe he will remember you if you give him matching trinkets” she rubs her shoulder against yours, playfully teasing about your crush.
“My goodness, it will be more likely that the cure is found so drop it”
“Well then let's bet, if Yuri finds you a cure you will have to confess, if he doesn't I won't” you whine about it but in the end accept.
Ritsu
A hand lays on your friend's shoulder making her turn “Yesterday I did as you told me and I asked him if he wanted to stay and drink coffee at my dorm after we did some work” your friend now looks interested at any update on your love life but looking at your face she already knows it isn't anything good “he looked me straight in the eye and deadpan said ‘Do you have something you want to consult with me? You already know my fee, right?’ I wanted to die of embarrassment!”
“Well, why not be more direct?”
“I told him two compliments, ‘you look so good in your suit today!’ and ‘the sinostra tie color makes your eyes pop’ and he looked at me weirdly” you rest your head on your friend's shoulder, her hand sliding up and down your back “and don't even propose being more direct because I'm so sure he would file for sexual harassment it isn't even funny” you both laugh at your despair
Rui
Your friend looks wide eyed at your refusal to
“He does flirt with me and makes me all giggly and my cheeks heat up, but he flirts as a joke with quite a few people so I might be misunderstanding the situation”
“The one who kills whatever he touches and the one who is going to die! Pretty matching curses if I say so myself, almost destiny” she elbows your ribs to attempt to make you laugh but rather she sees your hurt expression “ill timed joke. Sorry”
“You are so stupid”
Yuri
“Stop judging me!”
She looks at you oddly “is this something like reverse nightingale syndrome or something?” She teases “I personally can't really see what you see, he yells all the time and acts all high and mighty”
You gasp offended “that is not true! He was so vulnerable with me during one check up on mortkraken I just couldn't help my heart” you remember him telling you about how he wasn't able to help his mother get better and how guilty he felt because of it and almost implied he would make it up curing your curse “I just don't want to put more pressure on him to investigate and make him lose more sleep over it, it's one thing to lose a patient and another one to lose a significant other”
Jiro
“no but listen to me,” you tap her side with your hand “do I think Jiro is handsome physically? Yeah, very much. Do I think his personality is adorable and cute? Of course! Does that equal me confessing to him? As if!” your friend laughs and leans backwards while holding her stomach “he told me he had no attachment to food or clothing or whatever! Am I supposed to think he can have romantic feelings after that statement?” you exclaim waiting for any type of answer from your friend who only nods along, recognizing you had a point.
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𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬.
𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto and Kento Nanami - gn reader.
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : Their Obsession was too much to handle, and you find yourself growing impatient with their acts of dandling, till you had enough.
TW : Implied Kidnapping, Physical and Verbal/psychological abuse, Blood & Injury.
enjoy ♡
𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨 :
Days passed like a vision through the glass, slow to come and quick to go, without even a faint image of them or a smallest fragment of memory, as if you were looking into someone else's life, not your own. The horizon blended now into Satoru's eyes- you were no longer able to see the real extension of a natural blue, instead looking through his irises, faux felt and fake friendly, non-stop and ad nauseam. a smile would paint itself across his features and a kind touch would cosset your hands, attempting to mimic a color of romance.
"Whatcha Thinkin' of, Babe?" He asked, a honeyed voice softening his words, already knowing what was in your head; wanting a sweet lie out of your tongue. You hated his voice- no, everything about him, from his stares, the contorts and shapes of his face and the many shades of his affection; one minute, sugar and honey drip off his tongue, in Hopes of aiming at the moon and winning your trust, the other all of his sweetness is poisoned and laced with venom, intentions of wounding your ego into submission. At times, to him, you were Valentine, Babe, Love and Dreamboat; just as you were the useless, pathetic, whiney and liar, depending on his mood.
The horror of him was his eyes, they were softly in a cruel way, no effort of smiling or laughter could coffin the rage and Mania you were too aware of. You were always on alert, counting your sins and thinking of ways to redeem yourself, mentioning Kissing back, twisting your lips with pink lies, thanking him for his gifts and wearing a gleeful expression on your face.
"Aww Satoru! you spoil me, I don't know what would've happened to me if you weren't around!..."
You felt maggots crawl under your skin, rushing forth to your brain while you struggled to keep your smile. The more the hours fly, the more your cover of ardor cracks. a thin string of bitterness lining from beneath your nail right into your heart, stitching more into a scornful crimson slowly.
Just how dare he- take you against your will, fondle and caress you as if you were a mere housecat and call himself a saint for bothering to look after you, while you don't remember asking or consenting for any of his attention? During so many times, including the moment as of now, you'd imagine him bleeding, cascades of red contradicting his snow complexion, pieces of glass needling his eyes that you hated with all Satan's grudge to heaven. You are sure no single speck of a tear would warm your eyelid if he dies, it was what he deserved.
"You okay, Love? something is off with you" Concern painted his face, while his blues remained ever unsettling.
Your mouth clinged into a straight tight line, no longer able to remember the supposed smile. a harsh retort died on the tip of your tongue, leaving the room to even a harsher, short-lived silence to stretch.
His thumb traced on your cheek, before he stood up "I'm gonna make you a cup of coffee to lift you up a li'l, stay here while I'm in there"
Of course you're staying here, where else would you go?! Moving an inch without seeing his face was less likely than seeing a green sky.
The string of your heart sewn itself thicker. As memories of him puppeteering you flashed unwelcomed, the scornful thread darned into a ferocious rag, veiling any sense of your heart, caging it with a hating aviary. You carried yourself up, heading to the kitchen absentmindedly, guided by the heavy feeling in your chest. He didn't tire himself to look around- not like you could do anything, wrapped around his digits to control.
An unknown tune he hummed caroled the small kitchen, his hands moving around to prepare the mugs and the coffee, too immersed in his own realm of thought to discern your motives.
If you ever got the chance to recount this exact moment, you would say that it happened so fast that your mind didn't settle on one image: did you shatter the mug on the top of his head or the back of his neck? You don't remember, yet the anamnesis of your muscles retained the surge of Adrenaline, a slow motion second of your hand grabbing the porcelain cup and breaking it on his skull. you do recall he said something- things. a series of slurs that were too filthy, every curse and insult in the scripture.
The crimson rag was torn off from your heart, a delicious feeling of revenge drugging you in a lucid Catharsis. your fingers twitched, your body braced itself for whatever beating it was about to receive. Oddly enough, he continued groaning and grunting, holding his head in both his bloodied hands.
Dark red seeped through his white locks, oozing down his neck, sullying his shirt and tinting his fingers and hands. For the first time, his strange blues held an emotion different from insanity, a glassy layer over them, just a tad bit up from his usually static stare. his eyelids wept with red as he stared at you for a moment, saying nothing, before heading -as it seems- to the bathroom, a trail of red spots on the floor marking your deed.
𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨 :
In your dreams, the sunrises and sunsets were sin crimson, dark as Abel's blood. You'd see Suguru and yourself, sitting on a shore, its sea so transparent, hued with the cinnabar rays casting from a cloudless sky. You often look forth into the puce red horizon and not to him, rarely ever locking eyes with his. One time, as you remember from a shattered vestige in your awakening, you rotate your head to the side to see him staring at you; a half erased smile contouring his lips, Black eyes mirroring the skyline that stretched to no end in sight. Twice or thrice, he'd say something, a trail of meaningless letters sliding down his composed voice. You don't retain on his words exactly, but your name was amongst them; during a glib talk of his, your name rolls down his tongue with his usual calmness, scripting your dreams as such almost always ever since you were tied to him.
"Something in your mind, Dear?" The calmness- you can hear the smile in his inquiry without looking at him, drumming through your skull in an image of him in your dreams. You looked up from your lap, noticing that he was stitching something up, the needle struggling to remain still in his fingers. Of course, he was anything short of a tailor as much as he was short of a lover, wanting to be something he can't be but insisting anyway like the stubborn cockroach he is.
You rolled your tongue across your teeth, only to let out a muffled 'nothing' as a response. you were really trying hard to not hurl at him, he was getting on your nerves for just his existence.
He chuckled, digging the needle into a red fabric "Something is in your mind indeed. I don't know what it is and why you look so upset, but I promise I'll make you feel better"
You'll only make me feel better by choking on a dagger, Suguru. you wanted to say, yet being completely aware that it'll have consequences- ones you were needless for. The numbness on your face is constantly pricking its presence across your flesh, swells and mounds that remind you of his black eyes losing their serenity, metamorphosing into a brutal night dark. His hands slapped and punched as equally as they billed and cooed, and your skin has grown hateful of both.
He does not appear as a human at all. in a vast space of thinking, you would theorize that he was not much but a parasite that sucked life out of everything beautiful, including love. his version of amour was twisted, burying care under Control and killing fondness to revive fervor. Cords you couldn't see snaked around your heart and soul, burning as they got tighter, paralyzing you with apathy that was leisurely altered to a pale hue of resentment, until it fully discolored to a dim rage.
It creeped its way to your fingers. you could hear Satan's whisper, planting the vilest of ideas in your mind; at least you had the luxury of hiding your thoughts and making them behind an expression you can't feel now- you're becoming him, a hollow shell of one face and multiple voices, already sensing the stitches of a mask, a dull one that a death face left more lineaments to remember. you were blessed with emotions unlike him, there's no way you'll melt into Suguru.
"Darling I have a surprise for you, look!" He announced cheerfully, bringing the piece of fabric he's been working on to your attention.
He raised the Obi belt in his hands, proud of his handmade sewing. you scanned it carefully: the silk is red candy colored with few golden flowers orienting it, not much skill or talent radiating off of this mimicry of a cloth.
"I intended to offer you this as a birthday gift, but I preferred giving it to you now. maybe it'll cheer you up a little, you've been really quiet lately…" the damn calm smile decorated his face again, this time a drop of what sounded like concern is mixed with it.
You took the thing from his hand, acting like you're inspecting it but in fact holding a cackle. how in hell's seven circles he expected you to wear this?! If Suguru thought with that little sense he always prides himself of, he'd see that he wasted such a gorgeous material on such a failure of an accessory.
"Do you like it? I hope so…" there's an octave in his voice translated as 'please tell me it's the best gift you ever received', too bad it's ugly to give him the pleasure of hearing a compliment.
"I've been working on it for weeks. I had to choose between red or pink, deciding to pick the former because I thought it would look better on you… I'm nothing of a tailor, but I did my best" he rubbed his palms together, as if an imaginary balm coating them. he laughed a little "I gave myself a lot of needle pricks, but it was worth it-"
"It's awful"
You didn't have to look up to see his face.
"What?" He muttered, completely not seeing this coming.
"It's terrible, I hate it" a joyful spark twinkled throughout your body as you said so. the smile that you tried so hard to repress curved itself on your lips. you felt you could add more fuel to the fire.
"The color is dull and this silk looks cheap, but that's not why it's ugly. I bet a child can sew an Obi belt better than you do. this thing should go back where it belongs, the trash."
The silk wasn't cheap at all. you silently praised whoever produced it as the fabric resisted between your fingers. for a second, you considered just throwing the belt at his face, but you already teared it up a little, imagining that you were tearing Suguru apart between your fingers, the very same Suguru who was standing in front of you, ghostly pale and owl eyed, uttering not a word.
Red ribbons rippled through the small space between your hands and feet, forming a pile on the floor and resting in place. your heart clenched in excitement, a reaction that replaced the usual fear of him beating you senseless in such situations. you awaited for his hand to fly, for his voice to raise, but none came.
His gaze froze. He apparently couldn't contain how his present ended up being nothing more than some piece of garbage that had to be disposed of. Suguru opened his mouth then closed it before turning his heels around and exiting the room. bringing back your eyes to the remains of the belt, it now jumped to you that there was something written on the back of it.
𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 :
It is agreed upon as a human truth, that Shackles do not necessarily form as chains- For it merely requires a key to be freed from. but in most absent minds, the understanding of captivity and freedom were abridged in crime and punishment or torture (always coming first as physical in most thoughts), yet there is a sort of abstract bindings; way more restraining than tangible ones and with no limit of their ability to fetter the prisoner regardless of how strong is their will to break free, or how far their access to the key goes. mind games have proven themselves to be more effective throughout history, even in the simplest circumstances. What is more, playing on the strings of sentiment: romanticization of bonds -no matter how abusive they were- such as parenthood, friendship or more formally formed ties; marriage.
There is this magical thing about marriage : it is a golden cage, a caressing shackle perceived as a warm nest in a vision of a romance, colored as red and pink, planted as roses. a cuff that priests call matrimony, poets call union and goldsmiths call rings- you name it; it's still a menacle, whether spouses consented to it or not.
Kento was the typical man with the ordinary ambitions of immersing in a job (best if it paid generously), owning what is enough and settling down. To him, marriage was the ultimate expression of love, more than a mere ring, a wedding or flowery vows.
"I do have for you a love so dear that I drink from what your lips touch, I breathe when your lungs exhale, I slumber on where your skin embraces the mattress; one of both life and death."
- Your adoring one.
Engraved in red, the words slided over your heart's veil, forgotten in a memory of a cold rib. Satan lured Adam with an apple, so how would sugary words find any trouble deceiving?
"You're making me worried, Sweetheart…" sotto voce in the nature of a Dove's coo; disgustingly fondling.
Of course, a silver tongue cuts sharp in the same way it pours coquetry. life with Kento was seeing a moon and its dark side. under the beam of light, his lips mulls everything on you; kisses on your lips, cheeks and forehead blossomed, full rainbow ray of flowers were gifted to you, mostly red, attached to them little cards and billets-doux that enveloped letters of dalliance, arranged together and too sweet to the point it sickens you. The irony of his dimness was that he's more tolerable when he gnashes his teeth; wounds at your skin and soul, scolds and punishes in a parental manner. even for days, you'd hear the beast howling in your ear, ringing through the corridors of your head and it hurts to think.
Your eyes reflected in his figure, kneeling in front of you, not meaning they were drinking in the sight of him.
His thumbs brushed across your palms "Can I see your smile again? you look beautiful when you smile, you already are no matter how your face appears" nothing stirred up in you, emptiness of a blind man's face swam through the void.
"Please… sweetheart.." your composure nearly broke; a laugh dwindled within your throat. Does he think that you were a sole toy?! there to be played with, clothed and stripped to the colors of his whims, put on a pedestal at dawn and degraded at dusk?! it gnaws now on the branches of your chest, melts in your heart and fills your brain with a spiteful flow.
"I've got something nice, just for you, I'm sure it'll make you happy" with that, he left quickly and returned just as, something in the outlines of a large flower bouquet behind his back. no surprise, he had a proclivity for flowers; for how red are roses, for how fragrant was jasmine and for how innocent were lilies.
"I love you Sweetheart, never forget that!" as expected, roses. a pink posy of them.
You took the bouquet from his hands, glaring at the flowers in a burning grudge. for a flash of a glint, Medusa's serpents coiled between your digits, circling wrists, their skin flaying with yours. a bottle of somber tears shattered, impuring your core with loathing never imagined to be stored in your soul. With the swiftness of a sword out of its sheath, your hand flew high, landing the thorny plants across his face, over and over again, no drop of fear in you. Kento succeeded in grabbing your hand- not the one attacking him, squeezing your wrist to make you yield, but to no avail. your blood rushed hot through your veins, carving your mind with screams of violence and to hurt him more, that is when your fists balled and your ankles rose up sharply.
"Stop!"
You would never. your hands had their own mind, they scratched and punched and grabbed to your heart's content, avenging you after so long of a macabre suffering. your shackles started to unravel, each movement of yours freeing the hollowness outside you. short minutes stretched forth like long hours until you were done- or like you were over with him for now.
a blur on your vision subdued, the faint image clearing line by line. Kento was on the floor, leaning on a chair and balancing his weight on a knee, right hand shielding over his face. you couldn't see the damage well through his fingers till he got up, still holding his face in his hand, silently giving you his back and leaving you to your own devices. as he left, you noticed red across the sides of his hands and arms; few cuts and swells distorting the fabric of his pale skin.
#time to make you feel bad#yandere jjk#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jjk x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk x gender neutral reader#yandere gojo#yandere gojo satoru#yandere suguru geto#yandere geto#yandere nanami#yandere nanami kento#gojo x reader#geto x reader#nanami x reader#gojo satoru x reader#nanami kento x reader#suguru geto x reader#jjk imagines#jjk headcanons#sfw
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heads up there are accounts on here within the cod fandom planning to mass report accounts that post dubcon/noncon fics. would be a shame to lose you to those losers
Yeah, I figured out that would happen eventually when I started getting weird comments and anonymous asks about my noncon stuff lmao mini rant ahead.
Whatever happens happens ig, I have my stuff backed up but it's annoying and discouraging to see people deciding to comment hate on dub-con/non-con fics as if there isn't a warning for that type of content on the beginning of every single dark fic I make. I've had people tell me I'm normalizing sexual assault/rape as if I'm not a victim myself, and that's mainly why I've stayed away from writing dark fics until lately.
The community can be exhausting, giving people the chance to remain anonymous and say all the stupid shit they want to say without any consequences to it. Can't even count the number of things I've deleted from my inbox and never bothered answering because they're simply weird, hateful, and just make me tired as hell.
It's insane how impossible it seems to be for people to simply scroll away when you see warnings of topics you don't like or that trigger you. Truly, it's as simple as blocking an account or dismissing the post, there are tags you can blacklist as well, so why does it seem so difficult to use common sense?
Anyway, just woke up and I'm exhausted. I'm going to be taking a small break from Tumblr and writing while I work on some other stuff and try to get inspiration for my fics<3 I love you guys, I've always been immensely thankful for the support I've gotten. We're at 4438 followers now, should get to 4500 by tomorrow. I'll come back with hopefully more original ideas and more practice!<3
If any of you guys would like to play MW2/MW3, hmu! andddd to my mutuals, if you wanna add me on discord lmk<3
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It's Personal
Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader
TW: Violence against Y/N (not via Billy), farfetched for the plot, Billy is mean, angst, possible cringe idk. We're all friends here. THE VIOLENCE IS DESCRIBED IN DETAIL FOR THE MOST PART. A little bit non-canon Billy, but if you're reading his dialogue as sassily and as dry as I'm writing it, it's not quite as jarring to his personality.
Notes: I literally just learned about the "Who did this to you?" Trope and now I'm giving it an angsty go. This is not smut, womp, womp. Also, I did the gifs like a picture book so you can kinda see the expression or energy I was going for. Summary: Billy's been an ongoing bully/ nuisance in your life since you met. He's acting a little different after finding out you've been hurt.
"Can you try not to take up half the lecture dick-riding the professor?" Billy catches you as you're making your way across campus. He's always been an issue for you, ever since he moved here your junior year in high school. Now you're both freshmen in college. He'd taken a year off to pursue other outlets, but sometimes you're convinced he did it just to be able to torment you in college, seeing as he was always a grade above.
"What are you talking about, Billy?" You ask with an exasperated sigh. Already too exhausted from studying late the night before to deal with his endless harassment.
"I'm saying every time we have this course, you ask a million fucking questions the whole time," his voice is low, but filled with a palpable hate. Why does he dislike you so much? You've never known. You've never asked. "Try to save your desperation for after class, cool? It's hard to watch," He jabs, speed-walking ahead of you.
Most days, you'd say something back. A quip just as hateful, if not worse. You were his rival in every sense of the word. The two of you even shared the same genre of fashion sense. You stole his spotlight, and he doesn't like it, so he notices when your venom is running low. You're silent the entire lecture, not because of what Billy said to you, but because you're tired.
Your study session only ran so late because you and your boyfriend spent most of the day arguing. The gaslighting is constant, and his moods have become more and more unstable and harder to navigate. You tell yourself over and over that you love him. You've loved him since you were young. He's your high school sweetheart. Andy was on the basketball team in high school and while that type usually didn't take to a hair-metal gal like you, he seemed so smitten when you met.
The room is dismissed and you try to file out long before Billy can make it to the door. He laughs at your desperate attempt to get away. Like a cockroach scurrying away from a suddenly illuminated bulb. You're not fast enough and as he passes you before you reach the exit to the building, he leans over and taunts you in your ear.
"It's about time you listened," he hisses and walks away laughing. You're indifferent. Nothing he says could hurt the way Andy's words do. You tune everything out to make room for your insecure thoughts to take over. You blame yourself for Andy's rapid change in personality. What could you have done to make him feel like this toward you? Your mind is far too occupied by these untrue concerns, that you barely feel the anxiety settle in until you get back to your dorm. It was a bit more pricey on your tuition, but your scholarship allowed you to have a dorm room for yourself. Instead of another bed, it has a small "living room" area.
With a deep, grounding sigh, you reach for the door handle and step inside. Things are fine. Andy greets you with a smile and kisses you sweetly as you set your things down by the door. You're pleasantly surprised, allowing all the toxic thoughts circling your mind to melt away under his gentle touch.
"How was class?" He asks.
"It was fine. Nothing spectacular," you giggle, smiling warmly, overtly relieved that he's not still upset with you. You can barely recall what he was angry about, to begin with. You snuggle into him as you both relax on the couch. He stares straight ahead as he opens his mouth to speak.
"One of my buddies said he saw you talking to that Steve guy," Andy's voice becomes colder, and you realize it was all a trap. You're wrapped in his arms, feeling his body go rigid as you hesitate to answer. "Y/N." He finally looks down at you, meeting your anxious gaze.
"Oh, uh," your throat goes dry. "I did talk to him. He was a little late and just needed the notes from the first section. I charged him five bucks." You begin to ramble, hoping to defuse the situation before he explodes. "He's still going steady with that Debra girl, too. She's in my journalism class. I bet those cookie-cutter losers end up married, honestly."
"You know I don't like you talking to other guys without me." Andy clenches his jaw.
"I know! I completely understand, too. You know I love how possessive you are, babe. It's hot," you're desperate and hopeful that stroking his ego will put this anger to bed. "There were so many people around, so I was thinking nothing could happen." You furrow your brow at your own words. "Your friend was even there to make sure!"
Andy's grip around you tightens, nearly cutting off your ability to fill your lungs just using one arm.
"I don't ask you for a lot, Y/N." His free hand reaches up to your face, gripping your jaw and forcing you to look into his eyes, though you weren't looking away to begin with. "Don't make me look like a fool." When he loosens his grip, your lungs inflate with a loud gasp and his shift in position slides you off the couch, into the floor with a small thud. Now you're angry. The two of you have screamed at each other plenty of times, but how dare he act so bold?
"Andy," you stand, hovering over him where he remains on the couch. His arched brows frame his bright eyes with anger. "Get out." He smirks, and it fills you with unease. Standing from the couch, he takes one step forward, nearly chest to chest with you, if it weren't for the dramatic height difference. He towers over you, stealing the feeling of power you thought you were cultivating.
"What'd you just say to me?" He asks with a sociopathic smile.
"I said," You swallow hard. "Get. The fuck. Out." You barely get a chance to speak the last word of your sentence before a fast, hard open hand meets your cheek, knocking you to the ground, and almost sending you across the room, it felt like.
"Do not ever talk to me like that just because you got caught," Andy's words are full of anger. You stare at him with wide eyes, arching your brow in an expression that asks him who the fuck he thinks he is. He storms out of the dorm, but you know he'll be back. And after these events, you're scared to try and stop him. His college teammates are at every corner, it seems. It's as if ever since Jason went out of state for college, they all bend to Andy's will. Losers. Andy doesn't come home until after you've fallen asleep. You stayed up as late as your body could take, but he wasn't back in bed until 5 AM. You have no idea where he's been.
The next day, it's your misfortune that you and Billy share yet another class. This one was early in the morning rather than yesterday's afternoon lecture. You're running on very little sleep, and the trauma of Andy snapping and putting his hands on you. It's just something you could never even fathom. The way he would kiss the ground you walked on when you first met, how could he? You're more than distracted, staring directly at the floor as you walk until you run flat into someone else in the hall.
"I stood here, completely still, to see if you'd notice. I guess other people don't exist to you, huh, princess?" He mocks you. It's not long before he notices the dark bags under your lifeless eyes and the speckles of red that have risen in the hazy shape on the side of your face. Assuming it's an allergic reaction like you had back in high school, he didn't hold back. "Jesus Christ, Y/N. You look like shit."
"Still look better than you could pull, pussy," you sneer, shoving past him. "Don't fucking make me late." He steps in front of you again, knowing neither of you is late because he's on the same schedule.
"What happened to your face? It looks like your boyfriend had to tell you twice," he bursts out laughing at his distasteful joke. You can feel your blood begin to boil. You no longer wish to exchange hateful comments. Now you want to hurt him. You want to hurt Billy the way Andy hurts you. You can't swing on him, so you take your next best shot.
"Yeah? How many times did your mom have to tell you before she just gave up and left?" You boldly stare Billy in the eyes, hoping so badly that none of Andy's henchmen see the two of you going at it. Billy's jaw is rigid, and you can see it tighten as he grinds his teeth, subduing his emotions. You've never come at him like that, it wasn't expected. His taunting smirk is long gone.
"Are you trying to get your fucking ass kicked, Y/L/N?" Billy's disgusted with himself the minute he says it. Of course, he doesn't mean that. He'll drive you into an early grave, but it's never been in his moral compass to hurt a woman the way his father hurt his mom. He wants to rescind the rhetorical threat, but his ego just clamps his lips shut. Your eye twitches as you wonder what else you've got to lose. Or would Andy hit you again for letting another man kick your ass? Your thoughts are exaggerated and full to the brim with frustration. You finally explode.
"Fucking do it then, Billy! Swing! Hit me, motherfucker!" You drop your belongings and stomp toward him and he's unsure how to react now that you've called him on his bluff/ intrusive thought.
"Calm the fuck down. You look ridiculous," Billy takes a cautious step back.
"No, let's go outside. Let's see how hard you can hit someone half your fucking height, pussy!" You're nearly causing a scene, but the building is empty for the hour. Tears well in your eyes and you refuse to let up, demanding he act on his "big, scary" threat. He won't. He stares at your watery, red eyes. Your face is flushed and only your cheeks, nose, and around your eyes hold any pigment. He essentially waits until you tire yourself out.
"You've gotta do something about that shit, Y/N. You're fucking losing it," he shakes his head.
"I'm not losing any-fucking-thing, Hargrove. Don't ever mistake me for a bitch you can scare off with an empty fucking threat," you spit, grabbing your things and taking off, leaving Billy standing confused in the empty hallway.
"What the fuck was that?" He questions aloud. He has no idea you've been drained with no way to recharge. You've been hurt with no way to heal. To him, you're losing your goddamn mind. After that, he's not even angry at your comment anymore. He's just, concerned? Maybe just curious, really. After all, he's supposed to be your burden. Anything else takes the attention off of him.
The class is long and just like yesterday, you're quiet when you usually never stop engaging. Even the professor notices, and she asks you to linger behind after the lecture is over.
"Hey, Y/N. What's up? You were so quiet today," the professor's soft voice is sweet to your ears.
"I've just been, um, tired." You shake your head, barely convincing yourself.
"Is that a bruise on your cheek, honey?" The kind, older woman asks with two hands resting on her coffee mug. Just outside the open door, Billy waits for you to pass by before he realizes you're staying behind. He scoots as close to the door as he can, flat along the wall, listening.
"A bruise," he whispers to himself, recalling what he thought was a rash. His stomach almost attempts to simulate the feeling of guilt as he remembers the joke he made at you. The one that set you off.
"Oh, no. It's a reaction. New laundry detergent fucked me up," you stop yourself. "Messed me up, sorry."
"Y/N, you're an adult. I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but it's very clearly not hives," the professor sighs, her eyes full of concern as she stares at the ever-developing bruise as it slowly takes the shape of a hand. "Is it another student at the University?"
"Ma'am, with all due respect, I'm dealing with a lot right now. I will see you on Wednesday. Goodbye." You snatch your things up and zip toward the door, holding your breath. The wind from your speed walking blows your hair back, giving Billy a perfect view of the hand-shaped bruise yellowing on the side of your face. You're too determined to get out of there to react to his eavesdropping, so the two of you just share a look, and you keep going.
Billy furrows his brow. He's unsure you even have a boyfriend, so who exactly is leaving bruises like that right, front and center on your face? After his last course of the day, Billy congregates with his friends at a nearby frat house belonging to a different college.
"Hey, Tommy," Billy calls his friend's attention. Tommy pulls himself away from the group of guys he was laughing with and sits across from Billy. "You know that Y/N girl? Lots of denim, nice ass?" It's not until the last two descriptors that Tommy recalls who you are. Figures.
"Yeah, what about her?"
"What's her deal? She dating anybody?" Billy asks, innocently enough.
"I don't know, man. Why do you always ask me about shit like that?" Tommy laughs.
"Because you gossip like a woman," Billy smirks, standing from his slouched position on the couch and grabbing a beer from the large, ice-filled cooler in the kitchen. "She's some annoying broad in a couple of classes with me. I thought I'd ask around and see if there's a reason she never shuts her goddamn mouth." Both of them laugh at his hateful remark, but it's true to him. You get on his nerves, but it's less what you say, and more so the fact that you do "him" better than him. The men drink irresponsibly and cause a ruckus until late, late at night where they then wander back to their campus/ dorms on foot.
You wake up in the morning finally feeling well-rested for the first time in a while, despite the sudden changes in your relationship. You look over to see Andy's side of the bed is empty. You assume he slept over at the frat house after getting too fucked up. You know he likes to party.
Sitting comfortably on your couch, watching an episode of your favorite show, though it's a rerun, you involuntarily flinch when you hear the door open. Andy slightly stumbles through, laughing with messy hair. His clothes seem disheveled, but you chalk it up to drunken hijinks.
"Hey, babe! Did you have fun?" You ask, smiling, beaming, really. Hoping the sound of his laughter is a sign he's in a good mood this morning.
"Huh?" He looks over at you as if he didn't notice your existence until you spoke.
"I was just asking if you had a good time. Sorry I couldn't go with you, I was just too tired," you laugh.
"Oh, no. It's cool. I like it when it's just me and the guys, actually." His confession makes you a little sad, but you try to understand.
"Got any plans for today?" You grin, letting your guard down.
"For the love of God, dude. Can I get in the door first?" He snaps.
"Okay... Sorry," you quieted yourself down at first, but then quickly realized that's not who your daddy raised. You're getting ready to confront him again despite the smack until you notice something that makes your stomach drop, a small trail of three faint hickeys along your long-term boyfriend's neck. "Babe. Where did those come from?"
"What are you talking about?" He groans, throwing himself on the couch next to you, gripping your thigh possessively.
"I'm talking about the hickeys on your neck, Andy. Where did they come from?" Your voice is low and shaky. "Just you and the guys, huh?"
"Don't start with this shit again, Y/N. I'm too hungover." He dismisses you entirely, and all the rage you'd been holding back to be the "cool girlfriend" comes pouring out.
"You knocked me to the floor for looking at Steve Harrington! You put your hands on me for some made-up story you formulated in your own head and now you're coming home with hickyes?!" The longer you scold him, the darker his expression becomes.
"I'm giving you one fucking chance to get on your fucking knees right now and apologize," Andy's unsettlingly calm. You're frozen. Too scared to be openly defiant, but too angry to fold at his command. "One... Two..." He stands, softly placing a hand on your cheek and sliding it up into your hair, gracefully scraping the tips of his fingers behind your ear. It's so soft and soothing, that the sensation causes goosebumps to rise on your skin. Your eyes flutter shut and just as they're about to open again, he closes his fist around a large portion of your hair and forces you to the ground.
"Andy!" You scream, both terrified and in pain.
"I'm so sick of this, Y/N. I'm sick of you," he growls through gritted teeth, holding you painfully at his side like a heeling dog.
"God damn it, stop! It's fucking over! Fuck whoever you want!" You cry, shifting your position against him in hopes of loosening the pull against your scalp.
"And let you whore yourself out to every other guy on campus? Fuck off. You're mine." He finally releases your hair, tossing you forward in front of him. He kneels down to get closer to your face, speaking lowly. "I heard Hargrove's been asking about you. Think you're safe with your playboy side-piece?"
"He's not my side-piece! Please, Andy. Why are you being like this?" You hold a hand up to defend yourself.
"You think I don't see you two whispering to each other? You think you're smart enough to hide anything from me?" Andy's voice is slowly rising in volume. You worry the other students will hear the commotion. You don't want to lose your solo dorm rights seeing as men aren't supposed to "live" with women in the dorms.
"He's a dick, dude! I fucking hate the guy, please stop!" Your makeup is trailing down your face as you continue to cry for mercy. He shakes his head at the scene.
"I tried warning you. I tried getting my point across to you, but you won't hear me," he sighs as he snatches your hair back into his fist in one, quick, snake-like action. You wail at the aching tug, squeezing your eyes shut from the pain. Just as you go to open them, you see his hand flying toward you. It starts with open-handed smacks, knocking the wind out of you from how bad they hurt, but he progresses until he's landing blow after blow, all over you. Anywhere he can reach as you try to block him.
Eventually, you're badly roughed up, and Andy stands to look at what he's done. The remaining alcohol seems to clear from his system as the reality of his actions sets in.
"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck," he mumbles, tearing his shirt off as it's stained with your blood. He shoves it deep into the trashcan and disappears to wash the evidence of the horrors against you off of his hands. He returns to where you lie in the living room. He's wearing a fresh shirt and his breath heaves as he stares at your seemingly unconscious body. You're awake though, barely. Holding your breath as long as possible, only allowing the shallowest of breaths, basking in the stillness after the abhorrent beating.
Andy bolts out the door and after a few moments of silence, loud sobs of relief and pain emit from your sore chest. You roll over into a ball, holding yourself close as you process everything. You mourn who you were before the person you trusted most betrayed you. You mourn your relationship, regardless of the last few days. You mourn your own face as you imagine the recovery process will be long and draining. You lie there for a while until night falls.
Once it's dark out, you sneak to the old gym building to use the showers there, hoping to avoid running into anyone and having to answer any questions about your battered appearance. No one uses the old gym because it's full of spiders and has a terrible draft, but it's still open to the students 24/7. It's your run-of-the-mill college basketball court with a weight room and showers.
You get inside the building and listen to the silence of the empty halls. Peace. You're numb now. You've cried all you can, and the pain has become a dull hum. Now you just want to shower and try to find yourself beneath all the blood. You scale the walls of the dark hallway, searching for a light switch. You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel what you can only imagine is human flesh.
"Oh fuck!" You and the mystery person exclaim in unison, startled by each other's presence. Still on edge, you duck down, covering your face. The light flips on and you recognize the sweaty figure who stands before you. Billy. He comes to this gym for privacy in the weight room and always has. Not as confident as his demeanor would lead you to believe.
"Had to be you, didn't it?" He rolls his eyes. "Did you come here to- Oh fuck, Y/N." His uncreative insult is cut short when you lower your arms, revealing the massacre of swollen features and bloody skin that used to be your face. His mouth hangs open for a moment. "What happened to you?"
"Oh, shut the fuck up. Like you fucking care, Hargrove. Get out of my way," you're angry, and it feels like you'll be angry forever.
"Hey," he stops you from walking past him by stepping in your path. "I said what happened?" His voice sounds different. Like you've never heard before. Uncharacteristically concerned, but don't let that fool you. It's still not a lot of concern and it's quite monotoned. His eyes search yours for any kind of answer and it's the least arched his brow has ever been. He's being so... Quiet. You're silent too, stunned by his behavior.
"Thought you were gonna kick my ass too, Billy. You scared now?" Your remark is meant to be a bold taunt, but your voice cracks as you fight for your life to hold back tears.
"Y/N, I'm serious. Who did this to you?" He asks sternly, losing patience by the minute. You still can't seem to trust him enough to open up, so you look down at the ground in silence. "Fuck it. Come on." Billy's long legs float him swiftly down the hall and you hesitate to follow, ultimately deciding all these years arguing with Billy have at least felt better than the last three days with Andy. He leads you to the empty men's locker room where he retrieves an old first-aid kit and a bottle of water from the coach's office, then he makes his way to a locker and retrieves a clean shirt. It's soft and worn in and has the name of your university written across the front.
"Thanks," you mumble, taking the box and other supplies from him. You douse the shirt in water and begin to try to wipe your face clean. There's no mirror, so you can't quite tell what you're doing, causing you to scrape over your open wounds and flinch.
"Just fucking," Billy snatches the damp shirt from you. "Let me do it." He's careful and thorough as he gently works the soft, wet fabric across the new and old blood covering your identity. You can't help but stare at his eyes as they focus so intently on each section of your face that he wipes clean. Just as he's finishing up, his eyes meet yours for a moment. It's a short, little second, but it felt so drawn out. Billy breaks the eye contact when he sets the shirt to the side.
"That should be okay, for now." He reaches for the kit in your hands.
"I can do it, Billy," you remind him, yanking the box away, rejecting any more gentle touch. It doesn't feel like you deserve it right now.
"Let me help," he demands softly, popping the little tin box open and rummaging around for bandaids and antibiotic ointment. He patches you up and while he's working, you're watching his intense face. His brows are arched and his lips every so slightly pursed. You can't clock what emotion he's feeling. Obviously, he's expressing some sort of sympathy, but he hates you. He always has. So maybe he's just having a human moment.
"What's the matter with you, man? Are you fucking with me?" Your guard begins to rise again. You don't trust your own intuition anymore. You tighten your grip around a plastic pair of scissors from the first-aid kit. Billy notices and releases a laughing sigh.
"No, I'm not fucking with you." He places one final bandage. "You're insufferable as fuck, but I don't think you had this coming." He looks you up and down. That's as close as Billy can get to "comforting" anyone. "Don't stab me with those." He points to your hand and you blush, a little embarrassed by your overly-cautious behavior.
"Why do you hate me, Billy?" You ask, point blank as you release the scissors, catching him off guard.
"Because you're the worst. You're loud, you're egotistical, you're an ugly crier," he chuckles, all too quickly, being put on the spot.
"You're just describing yourself," you knit your brows, quickly wiping the tears from your eyes after his ugly cry comment. "I'm serious. You'd think we'd have so much in common. You hated me the second we met. Why?"
"I don't hate you, Y/N. I'm putting bandaids on your split fucking eyebrow. You're just fun to get a rise out of." Billy closes the kit and tosses it aside with the bloody shirt. It's not news to him that he torments you because of a mix of annoyance and attraction, but you have no idea. What started as his catty attempts to pick you up turned into an all-out rivalry when you were the first girl to tell him to shut the fuck up instead of batting your eyelashes at him. To you, he's just a mean dude. But right now, it's like he's someone else entirely. When he's acting like this, you're finally able to see what makes him so irresistible to every girl on campus. Your rivalry kept you blind to it, but now, you can see his brilliant teeth in his wide, warm smile. You can see his sunflower eyes, framed by long, thick, dark lashes. His jawline, his shoulders, everything about him seems so beautiful to you now.
"Thank you, Billy," you smile weakly. He scans your swollen features and something in him awakens. A possessiveness. Rage ensues. Every opinion of you he's ever had melts away except for his attraction to you. Your voice, your mannerisms, everything he's ever absolutely torn you to shreds for, suddenly he admits to himself that it never bothered him. In his eyes, you're his, even if you're just a target for his teasing, a bit of banter around the school, you're still his.
"You never said who did it," Billy chews his inner lip, trying to keep calm until he gets the information he needs from you.
"It doesn't matter-"
"It matters. Who was it?" His voice is stern and sharp. He's still knelt close to you even though he's done tending to your wounds.
"It just... Happened so fast..." You flinch as you recall opening your eyes to his incoming hand.
"Start from the beginning," the sternness in his voice softens. You give him the full run down. Billy's face remains stone, motionless, but his eyes twitch and flutter with each gruesome new detail dragging him further down to the point of no return.
"We've been together so long. I never thought..." You hold your hands up in confusion, dropping them hopelessly in your lap.
"A name. Now." Billy stares deep into your eyes as he makes his demands. You can almost feel a heat coming off his gaze as it bores into you. It's clear he will not relent until he gets the answer he's asking for.
"His name is Andy." That's all Billy needs before he's standing up and exiting the locker room without another word. "Billy?" You call after him, still sitting on the bench. You finally stand to follow when you don't hear a response from him. "Why do you care?" This stops him in his tracks. He turns around for a second as if he's going to explain, but he never does. He tilts his head with a small shrug and disappears. "Wait!" You call, but the exit door is already closing behind him and he stalks off into the dimly lit campus. He sparks up a cigarette on the way, exhaling a large cloud behind him. Andy better have life insurance.
Billy ponders your question as he makes his way across the courtyard. Regardless of any flirtatious feelings he has for you, this comes down to wishing he could've defended his mother in this same way. He was too small then, he's not now, and Andy's about to face the full extent of that rage extending all the way back to his childhood. For now, it's personal.
You take the time alone to have a quick shower to wash away the blood in your hair and hopefully make yourself feel a little better. You're careful not to get your face wet and ruin Billy's careful doctoring. Once your shower is finished, you grab your bag and head back to your dorm. It's still dark, so you keep close to the dim, yellow street lamps that lead to the student housing. There's a dull hum that vibrates from each light post, it's all you can hear, all you can focus on to make yourself stop thinking about Billy.
Back at your place, you lock the door as many times as possible before shakily taking a seat on the small couch. You flip the TV on, just to have something to fill the silence. Every time someone passes by your door, your heart rate leaps and you lose control of your breathing. After the third or fourth time it happens, you seem to desensitize. Billy's new demeanor he has toward you is all you can think about. The softness of his words, his touch. You didn't think he was capable of it. You curl up, pulling your legs to your chest as you snuggle into the plush cushions, nearly dozing off, trying to remember the way his shirt smelled when he was using it to clean you up.
Billy's hell-bent on getting his hands on Andy, tonight. Crossing the lot, he reaches his car and slides inside. His face is blank as he stares ahead, with only one objective in mind. He follows the sound of blaring house music to a nearby frat house and angrily tears the door open. Wasting no time, he walks right up to the first person he sees.
"Where's Andy?" He asks, yelling over the music. The first few people have no idea who he's looking for until he comes to Tommy. "Where's Andy?"
"Andy from Econ? He's upstairs. Dude's super stressed about something and took a bottle up there. Finals, man." Tommy laughs, but Billy's already walking away before he's even finished his sentence. The entire party becomes muffled beats in his ears as he climbs the stairs in pursuit of the man who made you look like a bad Halloween decoration.
First door, nothing. Second door, nothing. Third door, Billy slings it open and a stressed out, curly-haired brunette man jumps out of his skin.
"Fuck, dude! You fucking scared me!" He exclaims.
"You Andy?" Billy asks, already breathless with anticipation.
"I- yeah? Why?" Billy answers his question by crossing the room in the blink of an eye and scooping him up by his shirt. He slams Andy against the wall, eyes wide with unbound rage. "What the fuck are you doing, man?!" The commotion can't be heard over the party below. It's just the two of them.
"You know how much of a pussy you gotta be to beat up on someone half your height?" Billy strains through gritted teeth. This is a thin reference to what you said to him when he let his emotions cloud his judgment and threatened to kick your ass.
"Wait... Y/N? She's alive? Jesus Christ..." Andy's eyes nearly roll back with relief and Billy looks at him disgusted.
"What? You thought you beat her to death? Then, you just left her there and went to a party?" Billy raises his eyebrows, almost seeming to smile. "That's fucked up, man." He slams Andy against the wall again, harder, to accentuate his point.
"Come on, dude. Whatever she told you-"
"I'm not here to talk about her." Billy silences your cruel, long-time partner. "Right now, we're not gonna talk at all."
"Dude-" Billy tosses the guy to the floor, cutting off his futile begs.
"I think right now, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of you," Billy kneels at Andy's side. "And then I'm gonna go fuck your girlfriend."
Billy lands punch after punch, unintentionally mirroring the way Andy laid into you. The only difference is that Billy's got a lot more size, muscle, and strength training than Andy. He lays into him, pummeling in any way he can figure out to mimic all the bruises and blood he could see on you. Billy grips Andy's shirt by the shoulders and forcefully pulls him to his feet just to uppercut him in the stomach, over and over. Blood and saliva fly from Andy's mouth as Billy hooks his fist up against his stomach.
When he's finally done, Andy's no more than a gargling mess on the floor. Properly bloodied just like he left you. Once again, Billy kneels down to Andy, establishing dominance and reminding him who he's fucking with now.
"If you come near her again," Billy inhales and exhales a shuddering breath as adrenaline continues to surge through him. "I will hurt you. I will hurt your family. There is no hiding, I will fucking kill you." His threat is no more than a low whisper before he stands and leaves Andy to wallow in his filth.
Billy's drive back is short and sweet, but he doesn't trust Andy or his entourage of prissy jock boys, so he rolls his eyes and pulls into the lot in front of the women's dorms, and makes his way to yours. He's always known which one you stay in, though finding out was an accident while he was being snuck in by one of his one-night-stands. It was common practice, hence why Andy pretty much lived with you since he had a shared dorm on the men's side.
He raises his hand to bang on the door, but hesitates, knocking softly and even calling your name through the door so you'd know it was him.
"Y/N, it's Billy." You smile with relief, still steadying your anxiety from his initial knock.
"Billy? How did you know which dorm was mine?" You question as you pull the door open.
"I knocked on every single one. And asked for you by name. At 11 PM." He looks at you, straight-faced, annoyed that you think so little of him.
"Are you fucking serious? They'll crucify me," you sigh, unsure if you can even feel any more stress at this point.
"I'm fucking with you. I know where your dorm is because I pay attention."
"And here I thought I was so annoying," you chuckle. There's a short silence between you, something unheard of for you two. "Do you, um, wanna come in?" You step to the side, inviting him in. Nervous, but not sure why. He's never had that effect on you before.
"No, you're coming with me."
"I am?" You raise an eyebrow.
"Yeah. I just stirred up a lot of shit, probably. I don't like the idea of you sleeping here alone." His words are compassionate, but the delivery is so blank, that you'd think he didn't actually care at all.
"Oh, alright. Let me grab some stuff." You gather your things and follow Billy to his light blue Camaro. He opens the door for you, but even he's wearing an expression that says this is a foreign act of kindness for him. He closes the door and takes his spot in the driver's seat. Billy glances over at you, but you're peering out the car window, searching the shadows for movement. The copper-colored light shining from the street lamp illuminates the high points of your face, exposing your expression as he watches the anxiety dissolve into comfort. Something about being the cause of it strokes his already inflated ego.
"You know what?" You break the silence, turning to meet Billy's gaze.
"What?"
"Contrary to the way my face and body look right now, he really can't hit that hard." You raise your eyebrows and nod, reassuring him that you mean that with your whole chest.
"I wouldn't know. I didn't give him a chance to swing." His grip around the steering wheel tightens, but he grins proudly.
"Don't worry, I took enough for the both of us," you joke, earning a shocked laugh from the curly-haired man you positively loathed just a day or so ago.
"I dunno. I think you could've taken him if the circumstances were different," he smirks at you, chin up.
"Oh, absolutely. If the emotional ties weren't there, we'd at least have gone a round or two," you mimic boxing the dashboard. It's obvious to both of you that this is not the case, but making a joke of a bad situation is a lot easier than crying. Billy's relieved, as he would have zero idea how to even approach you if you were crying. He's the "tell you you're not a pretty crier and then wonder why you cry harder" type of guy.
"Matter of fact, put me back in coach," you chuckle, accidentally reopening the split on your lip. "Oh, fuck," you mumble, pressing a finger to the wound, worsening the mess.
"Shit," Billy grabs a napkin from his glove box. "Don't touch it," he snaps. You quickly pull your hand away from your face and for just a moment, your breath hitches in your chest. You don't mean to react this way, you're not scared of him, you hope he knows that. He gives a small smile and a nod, almost like a silent apology for scaring you. He holds the napkin to your lip for you as he pulls into the Men's dorm parking lot. His family, much like yours, paid the extra fees to have a large dorm room all to himself. It was sort of a necessity for Billy considering his short temper and inability to compromise.
"How's your lip?" He asks as you set your overnight bag on his small futon in the tiny living area the solo dorms come with.
"It's fine. I think the bleeding stopped and everything," you smile, keeping it small so as not to pop open another split.
"You can take my bed. I got the futon," once again, his words are so kind and generous, but his tone is flat and bare.
"Don't be stupid. I'm your guest. You've..." You sneer at yourself in disgust as you prepare your next sentence. "You've done a lot for me already."
"God," he stares at you with wide eyes.
"What?"
"It looked like you were gonna be sick from saying that out loud."
"Came pretty close, bud." You squint your eyes. It's clear to both of you that this is weird. It's awkward and even a little uncomfortable. He's done so much for you, yes, and you do feel it outweighs all the innocent hell you gave each other, but where do you go from here?
"So, now what? I sleep here. We go to tomorrow's lectures. Then, I just go back to normal?" You don't want to insinuate that you expect him to play bodyguard forever, but it would be kind of nice. You lie the futon into its flat, bed position as you ask.
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. 'Night." Billy climbs into his bed.
"Goodnight, Billy," you say, lowering the tough-gal front you attempt to keep up, usually when you aren't dealing with shit like this. Your voice sounds different when you let your walls down. It's sweeter. And the sound of it makes Billy's chest light.
In the safety of Billy's dorm, sleep finds you swiftly. You're out like a light, but Billy can't say the same. He lies with his eyes plastered to the ceiling. His mind is incoherent, bouncing all over from the possibility of the entire college sports program jumping him to the thought of you and him going back to "normal." It all started when he saw you, thought you were hot, but learned pretty quickly how self-assured you are. You would never be the easy catch he was used to and it pissed him off, igniting a multi-year feud between you. What if that feud were to end?
Billy lies on his back, his two muscular arms propped beneath the back of his head. He glances diagonally in the direction where you sleep. You're peacefully out, features slowly healing from the damage. He could stare at you all night, and that pisses him off too. He rolls his eyes and expels an exasperated sigh before rolling over, hoping that keeping his back faced in your direction will help shield him from the ambiguous thoughts invading his mind.
The next day, you're awake long before him, and to avoid overstepping, you rush through your morning hygiene routine and begin to reset the futon. You're as quiet as possible, but the second your fingertips graze the doorknob, Billy stirs.
"No," he says, wiping a hand over his face to rub the sleep away. "Just give me a minute. We'll go together." He sounds annoyed. You shake your head, dropping yourself down onto the futon while you wait for him to wake up.
"It's really no rush. I gotta get back across campus to get ready anyways." You call to him as he brushes his teeth in the small bathroom.
"I know you do. I'll drive you, just give me a minute," he waves away your excuses to leave without him, his voice becoming a little harsh as he repeats his request for more time. You know walking across campus isn't a treacherous walk. It's long, sure, but not unmanageable. What's really at stake is you running into anyone from the basketball team. And while that's your main concern, Billy has his own selfish reasons for wanting to keep you around. She's nice to look at, he tells himself, but it's more than that.
He walks from one end of the dorm to the other, wearing nothing but a dark grey pair of boxers. He's so lean and huge with well-toned muscles. He must spend a lot of time in the old weight room. You begin to wonder if Andy's in the hospital or not. Your eyes travel from his broad shoulders down to the V shape at his waist. You're unsure if it's your newfound ability to see him as a person, or maybe a trauma bond, but this man has you feeling out of character.
"Alright, car." He points out the door, using his primitive two-word command to instruct you to get into his car. He's still waking up.
"Billy, you know I could've just come back by myself, right? You didn't have to get up so early." You're the first to break the sleepy morning silence in the car. He looks at you like you've suggested possibly the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.
"I know that. That's stupid. You're too trusting." Billy stares straight ahead through his black sunglasses.
"I guess," you shrug, not taking anything he says too seriously. How could you after all these years? He pulls into the Women's dorm lot and the two of you approach your personally decorated dorm room door. To your horror, the doorknob opens with ease. You forgot to lock it. A wary breath falls down your chest as you squeeze your eyes shut, grounding yourself before opening the door. Billy's confused until he finally sees inside. It's just as you suspected. The entire room, top to bottom, is trashed- thoroughly.
"What the fuck?" Billy inserts himself in front of you, taking a few steps inside to further assess the damage. His eyes narrow in anger as he catalogs every broken picture frame and demolished knick-knack. You seemed to have had a lot of curiosities and oddities, all of which were destroyed on your equally ruined floor.
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm gonna lose it," you whisper, exasperated. You place your fingers on your temples and apply gentle pressure in hopes that it'll do any fucking thing for the way you're about to break the fuck down right now. "They want me to fuckin' lose it." Your voice is nearly inaudible.
"Hey, okay. Don't... Lose it. Let's go find 'em and beat the fuck out of 'em." Billy grins, still bloodthirsty. It's as if defending you almost feels like having you.
"I'm gonna get dressed. I'm gonna fix my fucking hair and makeup. And we're gonna go to our goddamn morning classes. This afternoon, we will figure out which one of them is getting their mom's severed middle finger in the mail."
"Sure thing, Killer Klown. That's not at all an overreaction." Billy shakes his head, laughing at your misfortune, though he does feel for you. You disappear into your restroom. It's miraculously, for the most part, untouched. You do a quick version of your usual big, glamour hair and slap on your makeup. It feels good to look like you again, even with the scabs and colorful bruises threatening to peek through the foundation. When you return to the common area, looking and feeling more like yourself, you radiate a type of glow. Billy catches himself in the very initial stage of staring but quickly nips that in the bud. You hardly notice.
"I guess I'm ready. You walking me to class, big guy?" You ask, teasingly.
"I am."
"Listen, I really appreciate everything you've done for me, but this isn't nes-"
"Y/N, have you looked at your dorm? Do you see how every single thing you own is destroyed? Stop being an idiot." His harsh words carry an air of motivation with them as he scolds you.
"Fine. But you're gonna have to pick up the pace or something," you snap your fingers repeatedly, in a circle to show him it's time to leave, now. He sighs, standing and leading the way out the door.
He walks you to your first lecture and waits outside for the entire hour. You don't know, but he actually doesn't have any classes today. He just knew you'd make a big deal out of it if you knew he was going any more out of his way than he already is. All 60 minutes drag by painfully slow, but all the while, Billy notices a few familiar faces casting passing glances into the building, only to suddenly change direction when their eyes meet his. He huffs out a satisfied sigh.
"Don't even think about it," he whispers, staring out the small door window. He glances at the clock, and just a moment before the lecture hall dismisses, he steps outside and waits for the crowd. After a handful of peers pass by, he then walks inside, keeping up his ruse.
"Oh, just in time, I guess," you say, meeting him in the middle of the breezeway as if he'd come from the other end of the college.
"As always," Billy sighs, unbothered, indifferent. You don't mind. It's a peaceful shift from his usual behavior before everything went down. The two of you step out the door and immediately, your eyes meet Andy's. He is standing around his car with his goons. They're all staring, not at Billy, at you. An intimidation tactic that might've worked before, had you not been walking next to a brick wall of a man. As the two of you strut past the bitter sportsmen, you hear Andy decide to pipe up.
"Told you she was a slut. It's already happening," he laughs and his teammates join in. You are unfazed by this sort of insult. Before the trauma at the hands of Andy that you'll now have to work through, you've always been a confident, self-assured person. At least that's all you'd allow anyone to believe. You shake your head at the insult, but when you look beside you, Billy's nowhere to be seen.
"That's pretty bold Andy. How're you healing? Doctor already tell you it's safe to get your shit rocked again?" Billy smiles sadistically as he stalks up to Andy. His crew of bench warmers seems to tighten up, taking a few steps closer, surrounding Andy. Billy can't hold back his laughter.
"Are you guys gonna jump me?" He asks, taunting, grinning as he does. "You think it's gonna be easy because there are so many of you?" Billy's only getting closer by the second, and the confidence of most of the players begins to waver. "Do you think I'll stop if I get my hands on you a second time?" Billy's icy blue eyes are dark with rage, almost black in the right lighting. They bore into Andy's and the two men fall silent.
Eventually, Andy's the one to back down. As expected, of course. And from the look on his face, you'd think he'd just been mugged and told his mom died. Billy smiles, tongue between his teeth as he watches the team climb into their cars. They have a visitors game, so you won't have to deal with them for the next 48 hours at least. As Billy returns to where you wait for him on the sidewalk, he wraps a protective arm around your shoulder. You're visibly jarred by this action, but Billy just stares straight ahead, leading you back to your dorm. He's wearing a self-satisfied grin as each and every busybody on campus whispers when they see the two of you.
Billy's a known bachelor and you're a known bitch. Even his more reoccurring hookups never got the public treatment. And you, fuck you're mean sometimes. Andy liked that about you. You'd be mean to anyone but him, but you guess it just stopped being enough. Even you and Andy weren't exactly "public" with your opposing schedules. You'd only ever been seen together at parties.
You finally reach your room and Billy leans against your counter, silently smiling at you as if he expects you to say something.
"What?" You ask, already starting the clean-up process.
"Just thought a 'thank you' would be in order." He shrugs.
"Thank you, Billy. Please hand me the broom," you groan, pointing to the tiny closet in the kitchen area. He rolls his eyes and carries the broom over to you. You're picking up the larger pieces of shattered glass and placing them into a small trashcan, hoping to make sweeping easier.
"Careful," Billy says as he notices a crack in the shard you're holding. His warning didn't reach you in time though, and the piece snapped, catching the upper part of your palm, slicing it open. "Jesus fucking-" Billy drops the broom and you follow him to the counter where he tears a wad of paper towels off the roll and shoves them into your hand. He stares at you with a straight face, almost like a disappointed parent. You stare back, blinking.
"What?" You ask, daring him to give you a hard time or risk being kicked out of your domicile.
"Nothing. Just getting tired of having to play doctor for you all the time." You release a huff and he smiles, a little sweeter than before.
(Do we want a part 2? Do we still read angst or are we all into smut rn? Maybe sex next chapter. idk.)
#stranger things 4#stranger things fanfiction#billy hargrove#billy hargrove fanfiction#billy hargrove imagine#billy hargove#billy hargrove angst#who did this to you#angst#stranger things#revenge#who did this to you trope#billy is mean#but also not#billy hargrove x reader#tw violence#tw domestic violence#tw dv#graphic violence#billy hargrove x y/n#stranger things angst
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Kissing, lighting and sleepy sex for Hideout Steve and Reader?
I am not prepared. My feels...they shall be too deep and endless. I shall try anyway.
From this dirty ask game for this AU series where Nomad Steve lets motel-employee!Reader soothe his touch-starved body. Lawd, halp me, this is about to get crunk in a tooth-rotting, put-some-pillows-beneath-you you're-gonna-faint type o' way. [y'all can't tell I drank during the eclipse today, right? I'm subtle? Cool.] MINORS DNI.
K - Kissing
ACK My heart! Or rather, there is something deeply adoring for Steve when you kiss his chest, over his heart. It makes him feel just that much more like a person who lives in this world, who belongs in this world, who will return one day to this world...
His hands are also a big one--no, not just actually big hands, but important to show love to because he uses them for such violence. Each kiss is like a little touch of forgiveness for what he's done or had to do with those hands. He appreciates the trust it takes, too, to kiss his palms, when he could easily stop you breathing (sorry, that sounds dark, but Nomad was in a dark place, okay, bad things occur to him now).
Steve loves to kiss your stomach, and it might be somewhat taboo to say, but he has a touch of that crawl-back-home-for-safety comfort thing going on when he presses close and holds your center to him. It's not a mommy kink or roleplay, per se; he relishes the connectedness of being one and curling up against you is the only non-sexual way he knows how to achieve that--like in Chapter 3 when he falls asleep in that position.
As far as leaving marks though? Steve can emphatically say 'hell no,' not on purpose. Pain is a bit, meh, weird for him because he heals so quickly. He might not even notice if you did bite or bruise him. He certainly wouldn't see it in the morning. He does not in any way associate marks with love or affection since he only ever saw them on himself after fights or on women (including his Ma) after being abused.
That is not love to Steve.
It's control, it's dominance, it's inequality, and he fucking hates it.
L - Lighting
Steve entirely defers to you on whether there are actual lights on or off. He likes to use his senses to explore and enjoy you, so without light is fine. He's just here for you.
Steve does, however,--no spoilers for Chapter 5--like ambiance such as candles or something dim and colorful. He thinks you'd look unbelievably perfect beside a sparkling Christmas Tree. He hopes to celebrate (all holidays and birthdays and everything) openly with you some day. The sooner the better.
(Except, no audience for him making love to you under those twinkling lights, please. He's staunchly opposed to that sort of thing.)
S - Sleepy Sex
So, again, no spoilers for Chapter 5, but once Steve gets comfortable with oral sex he is comfortable with oral sex, if you catch my drift.
If he wakes up first, he's on you in some way, arms and legs draped over you, kissing any place he can get to, man-handling you just enough to start something he 100% will finish. He's just...uh god, so attentive.
With the super senses and being a fugitive though, it's not often that you can wake up before him, truly, which limits or completely removes the ability to surprise him with a blowjob, but he will dreamily let you roam wherever your mouth and hands take you. As long as there's lots of contact. As much as possible really. Like lay your arms across his thighs and abs while playing with him. Maybe put your body over one of his legs and ride his foot if you need to. He must feel attached in some way. Cold, distant, or separated does not do it for him.
Here's my absolute, I-will-die, favorite thing about Hideout Steve though: when he's tired/fatigued/worn out/sleepy, he gets louder.
Much. Much. Louder, babes.
No cursing, mostly, but all the moans and groans and whining are totally dialed up. And I don't know about y'all, but I can't really think of anything fucking sexier than Nomad Steve screaming that he's gonna come.
🥵
Thank you for asking!
A/N: Here lies Ro in a puddle. She made up a man she wants and will never have.
[Main Masterlist; Hideout Masterlist; Ko-Fi]
#ro answers#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers fanfiction#hideout series#steve rogers fanfic#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers fic#steve rogers fluff#steve rogers smut#steve rogers x reader smut#dirty asks#ask game
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"Sorry, haven't seen him, haha!" *visitor questioning the fact Mr. Kaiju No.8 is only in his underwear* Yeah, I'm tired... guess I'll hit the hay early today..
...
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I'm DONE.. ᕕ(⌐■_■)ᕗ i was contemplating if I should add more stuff.. more lightning.. and so on.. but then I was ..fuck it.. I tried so many things here, I'm just glad this turned out NEAT
and that I like it! (I feared another 80 hours project, I would not finish or worse AGAIN learn to hate before it's done. Did some studies on colour choosing.. hope the warm focus point - cold surroundings theorie works..
And maybe things got a bit rushed in the end, but I really really wanted to finish this, to make my day at least end on a lighter mood.
EDIT: well, I did correct some things - added missing shadows and fixed the time, plus the text, which is now making fcking sense xD 'cause it's like 7pm or smth.. where it makes sense for Kafka to say "me tired" ໒・ﻌ・७ which is readable now hopefully
non text version below like always
#kaiju no 8#kaiju no. 8#kn8#soshiro hoshina#kafka hibino#kafhoshi#hoshikaf#fanart#icy's art#what is happening on the blanket I dunno lol#it's meant to be shading#i like this one brain you did good today#haha#Even just out of spite I wanted to publish gay art on this fcking sad election day.#*slaps table* fck it we're pulling through this somehow
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Hot take: Beastmen and Sea People aren't talked about enough in twst. I feel like Sea People are kind of elaborated on, with some information about how the Sea culture is different from land culture. However Beastmen culture seems to be pretty much the same as human culture, except the women are stronger than the men.
Honestly I was really hoping Cloudcalling on the Savanna would give us more. Like maybe a language barrier, since animals usually communicate non-verbally. I feel like there could be so much done with Beastmen as a species, and they're literally just humans with animal ears and tails stuck onto them! Do they even have fur, or is it just skin??
Now I do understand this is common with half human half animal characters, but the troupe, and design is so bland. The only shows I can think of off the top of my head that have done half human half animal characters right is Dungeon Meshi, and HunterxHunter in its ant arc. Then again in HunterxHunter they were more like 1/3 insect, 1/3 human, and 1/3 animal than 1/2 human and 1/2 animal...either way I liked how much it went into the species, and how their society worked.
Sorry my rant got a little derailed at the end, but I'm sick and tired of seeing anime people have animal ears and tails thrown on them, and everyone oooing and ahhhing over it. And no I don't hate Leona's, Ruggie's, Jack's, Cheka's, Chenya's, Fellow Honest's, or Gidel's designs I just want substance for their species, since animals are so different from humans.
The world building around the beastmen is sparse!
I super agree with this one. There are so many elements to animals and how animal "societies" work that it's interesting to think about how that might cause them to differ from humans. For one thing animal species are so different from each other I wonder if there aren't cultural divides between beastmen of differing species or any ingrained animosities from their beast attributes that effect how certain beastmen interact. For example, I don't believe that a general rule for all beastmen is that the women are stronger. I believe that was established as a fact about the Sunset Savana specifically because hyenas and lions are largely female dominated species (the former being an active matriarchy, and the latter having majority female populations). Jack as a wolf beastman doesn't relate to the idea of being intimidated by women because wolves have a different hierarchy system. These are the types of things that should be discussed more.
In addition to this, anon mentioned general character designs, and I feel that "basic animal person" design complaint in my soul. There HAS to be more to a beastman than just "has animal ears and tail" right? There are elements of other animal traits in there, like the fangs on the Savanaclaw trio. Leona behaves like an obligate carnivore and naps most of the day.
Ruggie Birthday Boy Suit Vignette: Ruggie mentions the bite strength of hyenas.
And of course there's Jack and his sense of smell and general dog-like behaviors including tail wags when he's happy. I frequently ask where the animal ends and the human begins, and if I asked all the questions I wanted to about how the animal elements of beastman effect their anatomy we would be here ALL DAY.
And this is of course excluding all the fun hypotheticals and headcanons, ie. "Tweel Anatomy discussion."
There IS more to be talked about when it comes to beastmen culture, animal traits, and relations with humans and other sentient species. There IS the groundwork laid here! TWST just doesn't take the time to really dive into what makes the beastmen so unique and how the world works around them. They seem to be pretty common, and with the MC being from a world where animal people presumably don't exist one would think there would be plenty of oppprtunities to educate them on these matters. But do we get that? No. TWST doesn't have time for that.
I feel your frustrations, anon. I really do. These boys are so cool in concept and they deserve better!
Thank you for the take!
Also I completely neglected the mermen part of the ask, but I think we established that that bit of worldbuilding isn't quite as frustrating. (Also I will take advantage of any excuse to talk more at length about the Savanaclaw trio.)
#at least they don't have 2 sets of ears!#amirite?#twisted wonderland#twst#twst hot takes#hot take#twst hot take#ask response#beastmen#twst jack#jack howl#twst leona#leona kingscholar#twst ruggie#ruggie bucchi#savanaclaw#twst savanaclaw
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Chapter Fifteen
A/N: Still getting back into the swing of things and repair is still going on all over the city BUT I was able to finish this chapter! (Yay!) Hope yall enjoy it! Oh and shout to the anon who told me about my masterlist! All of them are working now!! Listen, I'm not gonna yie to yall ... this one is a lil heavy! Reblog, Share, Comment and Like!
Warning: Cursing, Fighting, Death, EXCUSE ANY TYPOS, 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI
Masterlist
Chapter Fourteen
DO NOT POST MY WORK ANYWHERE ELSE AND/OR CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN!
Being back in Texas usually gave Hassan a sense of dread and joy, both for obvious reasons but this time was different for him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the actual feelings he was having but if he had to put a label on it, they would be feelings of contentment. He had been the protector for as long as he could remember but today he felt protected. They way Tamara took charge since they stepped foot back in the state. Although he expected her to want him to do all the talking with his ex-wife, she didn’t. Besides a short greeting, he hadn’t been able to say a word. Tamara was covering all the bases and then some.
“So as I was saying, I wanted to make sure you and I are on the same page with everything.”
They sat at the breakfast table, Hassan and Tamara on one side and Nadine on the other. The women maintaining eye contact, smiles on their faces.
“I hate that you traveled all this way and wasted your time.” Nadine shrugged. “You and I don’t need to be on the same page about anything. I didn’t marry you nor did I lay down and have a kid with you which makes you insignificant to me, Tara.”
“It’s Tamara but you’re a smart chick so I know you already knew that. I get it, I understand,” she stressed, “Hassan is a great man and a great partner so it’s hard to realize that he’s moved on to someone else but that is the reality of the situation.”
Nadine glanced at her mute ex husband and chuckled. “You think you’re special? You know how many women he’s entertained after our divorce? None of them lasted because they were not me and you’ll be the same way. San loves me and will always love me.”
Tamara reached across the table to hold her hand. “Nadine, it doesn’t matter to me whether you accept this or you decide to continue to be delusional about it. But just know if you choose the latter, Hassan will no longer be taking your calls which also need to decrease in number.”
“Hassan would never,” she spat, snatching her hand back.
She smiled. “He would because you know like I know Hassan respects his relationships. Look, Moriah is already no contact with you. I’m sure you don’t want your only point of contact for her to be gone. Do you?”
Nadine tilted her head then moved her attention to her ex-husband. “You better get your little woman on a leash. You need to help her understand that threatening me is not something that she wants to do.”
Hassan, as calm as always, put a hand on Tamara’s arm to stop her before she responded. “She is not threatening you. She is simply explaining to you what is gonna happen if we cannot come to an agreement.”
“She doesn’t have anything to do with whatever agreement or non agreement that you and I have, Hassan. None. I don’t even know why you brought this bitch to my house!”
“His house,” Tamara chuckled, catching Hassan’s pointed look, “Sorry but its the truth.”
“Oh so you got her all in our business, huh? She’s met my daughter, she’s in our divorce decree. Hell, what else have you told her, Hassan?”
He wiped his hand down his face. This is why he hated to have communication with her. The smallest things would get blown out of proportion just to satisfy her. More than two decades of her never changing but progressively getting worse had made him tired.
“If you’re asking what I know you’re asking then no, I have not told her that. Nadine, we have to move into a better place for the sake of me and for the sake of my relationship. Moriah is an adult so I no longer owe you a relationship, an explanation or an update in or about my life. The only thing I will continue to extend to you is cordiality and updates passed through Moriah specifically for you.” He paused to allow her to speak. When she didn’t he continued, he did. “If you cannot accept these terms then unless there is an emergency, you and I will no longer be speaking.”
Nadine covered her face, chuckling a little to herself. Her phone vibrated on the table in front of her, when she brought her hands down and spotted the name she quickly grabbed it, excusing herself from the table to the nearest bathroom.
“Hey. Everything okay,” she whispered.
“Oh, are you working? I’m sorry, I got your schedule mixed up.”
“You’re fine, DJ. I’m not at work. I have guests and I don’t want them in my business.”
He laughed at that. “Just call me back later. I just wanted to check on you. Enjoy your company.”
“I don’t see that happening.Hassan is here and he’s brought his new girlfriend,” she scoffed.
Dewayne paused to think about his response. Despite his lover’s feelings, he couldn’t find a bad thing to say about Hassan. When the two met by way of his cousin, he expected to have to fight the other man or get into an argument but none of that happened. Hassan was polite, he was calm, he was collected. All things Nadine never described him to be, it caught him off guard. But even if she had described him as such, Dewayne knew how he would act if he had to meet the man that was sleeping with his wife and it wouldn’t be anything like the other man.
“Nadine, just listen to whatever they have to say, keep your smart comments to a minimum and it’ll be over quickly.” He spoke softly, hoping she didn’t take it the wrong way. The line went silent for a moment. “Beautiful, you still there?”
“I’m here and fine.” She let out a frustrated puff of air. “I’ll call you when they leave.”
“Good. Straighten your face, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Returning to the table, Nadine looked between the couple with a small, polite smile. She could tell that the two of them had some type of conversation that had put Tamara in a much brighter mood. She made a note to check her cameras later.
“Sorry about that. An important call.” She moved her chair closer to the table so she could prop her elbows on it. “Hassan, I’m happy for you. Glad you’ve found someone to be happy with, that’s … it's great. And I understand that your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the communication between us.”
Tamara raised a brow and spoke up. “That’s not what I said.”
Nadine continued to talk, not acknowledging the other woman’s interjection. “So if it will make her more secure in your relationship then I will try to be more mindful. I will send you a text before I call and you can let me know if it is a good time or not.”
Hassan put his hand on Tamara’s thigh, squeezing it gently knowing she was going to interject again. “A text would do fine. But one text. If I don’t answer right away please do not bombard me with more texts or call anyway.”
“Sure,” Nadine agreed with a smile. “I do have one ask though. I do not care that she has met Moriah or that they have a relationship as long as Moriah is okay with it. All I ask is that when it comes to matters between us and our daughter that she is not involved nor does she comment about it to me unless she is asked.”
Turning to the side, Tamara stared at the side of Hassan’s face and he could feel the anger radiating off of her. He knew what his girlfriend wanted but he also knew the only way they were going to get peace. Peace was much more important than buttons being pushed.
“I can agree to that but Tamara is going to be here for a while so as our relationship matures, she’s going to be allowed into conversations where appropriate. Just as I would allow if you decide to get serious with someone.”
Getting what she wanted brought a big, genuine smile to her face which she directed at Tamara. And seeing how upset the other woman was only made her happier.
“Well this was very … enlightening but I do have other things to do so if you two don’t mind leaving my house. Sorry I mean Hassan’s house,” Nadine laughed obnoxiously.
Hassan helped Tamara from her chair then pushed both of their chairs up. He allowed Tamara to walk in front of him. “Alright now, Nadine, that’s enough. There ain’t no need for that.”
Nadine shrugged, still laughing, “I’m just trying to have a little fin. Lighten the mood. It was nice meeting you, Tamara. Are you okay with me hugging you?”
Tamara glanced at Hassan, who nodded. Even though she was unsure, she accepted the hug not missing the words Nadine whispered into her ear. When the two pulled away, Nadnie moved to hug her ex-husband as well.
“Gabi wasn’t lying when she said Nadine was crazy,” Tamara mumbled, getting situated into their rental.
When therapy first started it scared Zilla much more than he cared to admit. There were so many emotions that he buried down so deep, he had no idea what his life would look like when or if they ever came up. But now more than ten sessions in with Dr. Barnes and it felt more like talking to an uncle about his issues. The emotions that had surfaced thus far didn’t affect anything negatively. Things were hard to talk about but the tools from the doctor made it easier for him. Even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he actually enjoyed their sessions. So much so that he opted for two hour sessions over the previous one.
“You remember I told you about that girl at work that like me?”
“The frog eyed girl,” Dr. Barnes chuckled. “Yes, I remember you telling me about Gia. What about her?”
Zilla stretched out on the sofa, tossing one of the small balls Dr. Barnes had around up in the air. “Aight so last week I’m in class or whatever, talkin’ to Bronco and Josh.”
“Josh? The cousin that doesn’t like Fat?” Dr. Barnes asked from his relaxed position.
Zilla nodded. “Yeah him. So I’m talkin’ to both of them and I get these texts from here back to back. She had sent me videos of her ya know and then gon say it was an accident.”
“And you don’t believe it was an accident?”
Zilla stopped throwing the ball up to look at the doctor with his face frowned up. “Hell nah. She did that shit on purpose.”
“I’m just asking,” he laughed, “Keep going. Why do you think it was on purpose?”
“She make it obvious as hell that she like me, always touchin me and shit and she always messaging me on instagram tryna flirt with me.”
“Wait, she texted the videos to your phone or on instagram?”
“She texted my phone, doc.”
Dr. Barnes flipped through his notes for a second then glanced up at the younger man. “That’s strange. You told me she didn’t have your number, that her correspondence were only on instagram.”
Yeah, I know.” Zilla paused then sat up. “How the fuck she got my number?”
Dr. Barnes pointed his pen at him. “That’s the question I have. You’re sure you never gave it to her?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t do no shit like that to even make her think she had a chance with me.”
“So then she must have gotten your number from somewhere. Do you think it was your cousin?” He asked.
Zilla shook his head quickly. “Nah, he don’t like Fat but he not stupid.”
“Bronco?”
“No, he answered immediately.
“Then who do you think?”
“Don’t know, ima find out.” Zilla thought for a second, reminding himself to come back to that later. “But so I get the shit, I don’t respond or nothin’. I got my cousin on one side tellin me to delete it and act like it ain’t happen then I got B tellin me to tell Fat.”
“And what did you want to do?”
He shrugged. “Whatever was gonna keep me outta trouble with Fat. She already don’t like that girl and I don’t wanna be collateral damage in her way.”
“I get it, I know you don’t want to be in trouble but I know you know that honesty is the best answer. So what was the outcome?”
When Zilla didn’t see his girlfriend for two more days following that and she was off of night shift and when he did see her he could tell that Moriah was in no mood to hear any bad news. There were some things she was dealing with herself, things he tried to get her to talk about but she declined, so he didn’t want to add onto that.
“I ain’t said shit to her yet. She got some shit goin on and she still tryna bounce back from workin night shift.” He rubbed his hands together, falling backwards against the back of the sofa.
Dr. Barnes wrote a few notes and hummed. “I think you know what part of your homework is. Shifting gears to Fat, how are things?”
“Things is good. We good.”
He raised a brow. “You told me after you got tattoos for Angel you planned on having sex because she mentioned the two of you had barely been doing so since the revelation of Angel and what followed. However, when it came time you couldn’t and thankfully there was an interruption before she realized.” The two men made eye contact, a bashful look on Zilla’s face. “So I’ll ask again. How are you two? Are you still having an issue?”
“It sound bad but when we got back home she was tired so I didn’t have to try then she got on night shift and we wasn’t seein each other. But I did go visit her after a show that week and we had a quickie.”
“Yeah? Good. So you think that the issue has passed then?”
Zilla shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think so. I’m attracted to Fat. I think she beautiful, fine as fuck, all that.”
“But,” Dr. Barnes asked.
He shrugged. “Just every time I think about it and I remember that we ain’t get rid of my condoms cause we wanna have a baby but cause we prolly can’t have one I can’t get hard. Like the shit don’t work at all.”
Taking a moment to write a few things down, Dr. Barnes observed Zilla’s body language. He was uncomfortable but it was manageable. “What was different with the quickie? What kept you from thinking about the other situation?”
He shrugged, a sneaky smile on his face. “We was havin a conversation then she caught me off guard askin me about Gia and she got all mad and shit. And it sound toxic as hell but she fine as shit when she get mad like that. So it was a mix of how she was lookin and talkin and the fact that it caught me off guard that I ain’t have time to dwell on the other shit.”
The older man laughed heartily, “It is toxic but I get it. I was young once. So do you think if you and her discussed it and she’s okay with it, that maybe going to get an opinion from a doctor about options and possibilities would make the problem stop? That way you have an answer or at least the direction of which way things could go.”
“Yeah, I think so. Maybe.” He scratched his face, sighing deeply. “Ima have to tell her though, ain’t I? Tell her that it ain’t workin.”
“That’s up to you, Zilla. I don’t think you have to tell her right now but you do need to discuss it with her at some point.”
“But what if we get the info from the doc and ion have the problem no more?”
“Then if you want to hide that from her then that’s your prerogative.”
Zilla groaned then repeated what Dr. Barnes drilled into him the first few sessions. “But being honest is the best option unless we know it’s going to hurt the other person for no reason.”
“I’m glad you finally remembered it correctly,” he laughed, “But like I said at the end of the day the choice is yours. If it makes you feel uncomfortable or emasculated you know you can always bring her to a session and I can be here to help.”
“Got rid of her damn mama and she still affecting my damn relationship with Fat. Can’t even do the fun shit.”
“She only affects what you allow, Zilla. She planted those seeds but it's your choice as to whether they get watered or not. Understand?”
“I got you, Doc.”
“Alright, any last minute admissions you wanna make before I give you your homework?”
“Naaaah,” he laughed, “Not this time.”
“Good. Your homework is to tell Fat about what Gia did. And I’ll send you a list of OBGYN that I think will be good for you two.”
“That’s it. Nothin else? You said that was half.”
Dr. Barnes stared at him. “Would you like for me to give you more? I was tryna take it easy on you but I can give you more.”
“Nope,” Zilla replied quickly getting up, “Nope, Zilla good. Zilla appreciate you, big dog.”
After he set up his next appointment, Zilla left the office and jumped into his car headed straight home. Moriah was off, he was off and he wanted to finally spend time with her. On the way home, he grabbed lunch for them and something to cheer her up. His mind went back and forth about the erectile issue he had been having, trying to figure out if he was going to tell her and hoping the issue cleared up on his own so he wouldn’t have to.
The music that flowed through his speakers stopped and alerted him that he had a call coming through. As soon as he saw Bronco's name, he answered.
“What good witchu?”
“You busy? You outta yo session?” Bronco asked in a rushed tone.
Zilla paused to merge onto the highway. “Yeah almost home. Everything good?”
“You talked to Gia?”
“Fuck no. You know I don’t talk to that delusional ass girl.”
“You sure you ain’t text her back or no shit?”
He blew a frustrated breath. “I’m sure. I opened it when we was all standing there and that was it. I ain’t text that girl. Why you askin me that?”
“Cause that ain’t what she tellin them other girls. Apparently she told them that after she told you that it was an accident that you told her it was aight and started flirtin with her and shit.”
“Man, you know I ain’t do no shit like that. I like my fuckin life and wanna keep my head on my fuckin shoulders, B. Ion even know how that bitch got my damn number.”
The thought that Gia was spreading that lie around made his blood boil. He regretted even being nice to her outside of the PC when he knew he shouldn’t have. He could stand being co-workers with her but now she was starting to step into the waters of his relationship and he couldn’t have that. They already had enough shit against them, they didn’t need anything else.
“I believe you but I had to check. How you think she got your number?”
“Shit don’t know but Ima find out, I know that much.” He pulled into his parking spot beside Moriah’s car and let out an aggravated groan. “Her ass need to go away. I’m not with this bullshit and Fat ain’t either.”
Bronco spoke to his brother in the background quickly. “Ima help you figure that shit out. I gotta go help Javi, hit me up if you need me, bro.”
Getting inside their shared apartment, Zilla put their food and her gift on the coffee table then went to the bedroom in search of her. He found her lying across the bed sleep with a pile of laundry in front of her. Chuckling to himself, he grabbed one of their empty baskets and dumped the clothes in it then climbed onto the bed hovering over her. He kissed all over her face until he saw her nose scrunch and a smile.
“You had these clothes in front of you before I left, Fat,” he laughed.
“I knoooow but then Mama called and I got distracted and then I fell asleep,” she pouted. “How was your session?”
Zilla kissed her face again then got off the bed pulling her with him. “It was good, I’ll tell you about it after you tell me what’s goin on with you.”
“What do you mean I’m okay.”
“Nah, you aint. I can tell when you got something on your mind and in that fat ass head,” he joked. He pulled her out to the living room and plopped down on the sofa. “Zilla even let you sit in his lap while you tell him all about it.”
With a shake of her head, Moriah eased into his lap sitting sideways so she could look at him. His hand rubbed up and down her bare thigh, giving her his undivided attention.
“When I brought your bag up to the performance center, I ran into Josh. He took me to where you were and I watched for a second and he talked to me.”
“He talked to you?” His nostrils flared when she nodded. “He told yall ain’t talk and he aint tell me you came back there but go head.”
“I’m sure he didn’t tell you because then he would have had to tell you what he said to me.” She huffed trying to keep herself from crying over the memory. “He was telling me to save you some hurt and break up with you to save you from my mama bitter and destructive genes.”
“He said that shit to you? Fat, why you ain’t tell me?”
“Cause I was upset and I knew if you saw me crying that you woulda beat his ass and I didn’t want you to get in trouble at work. When I left out I did run into Bronco and I talked to him. He helped me cheer up.”
Zilla started to put the pieces together in his head. It now made sense to him why his cousin didn’t tell him about their interaction, why Bronco had been giving Josh the looks that he did and why Moriah barely wanted to talk when he called to check on her that night. It was Josh. Josh had done something that Zilla was sure he said not to do. Trying to spare Josh because of their familial bond wasn’t something Zilla was interested in anymore.
“Did you hear what I said, Zay?”
His eyes snapped back up to hers. “Nah my bad. Tell me again.”
“I said don’t fight your cousin. Let’s just ignore him, please.”
He kissed her shoulder a few times. “I can’t do that. I gotta show him that I mean what I say. Ion play bout you. I gave him two chances already.”
“Zay, please. He hurt my feelings so I should be the one to decide what happens to him.”
Dropping his head to his shoulder, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. She was right and he knew it but that didn’t mean he had to like it. “Fine, if that’s what you want, Fat. But this is the third chance. There won’t be another one.”
“There won’t be another one because you’re not gonna give him room to have an opinion about our relationship. Lay out your boundaries and make them clear,” she shrugged. “Yall can still be family and not talk about me.”
“He made you cry,” he huffed seeing the pout on her face, “Okay, aight boundaries and all that shit. You happy?”
“Very. Thank you, baby. And there’s one more thing I need to tell you and I’m sure you’re not gonna agree to not beat this one up.”
He raised a brow at her. “What Thomas do?”
She laughed at his reaction. “The way you already knew but I ran into him in Target after that whole thing with Josh.”
“The fuck he do to you?”
“He didn’t technically do anything to me, it’s what he said. He tried to give me this bullshit about how our careers might be in jeopardy because of the little girl who had the hernia surgery. Saying that me and him did something wrong.”
He frowned, tilting his head a bit. “You and him did something wrong? How he figure that?”
“Exactly! I told him that I didn’t do shit and whatever he did is on him. He was the one doing things when the doctor turned his back. And I feel like he’s gonna try to put me in his shit if something happens to that little girl.”
“If you want me to, I’ll go have a lil conversation with him. Make sure he don’t.” He offered softly, moving his hand from her thigh to her face. “Whatever way you want Zilla to support you, that’s what Zilla gon do. Just let me know.”
“What if I don’t know what I want? What if I just want you to do what you think is best?” She asked, meeting his gaze.
“That’s fine, Fat. We can do that, baby. Whatever you want.”
“I love you, Zay.”
“Zilla love you too.” He kissed her then grabbed his phone from his pocket passing it to her. “Unlock it and go to my messages. Its a 464 number, open that.”
Doing what he said, she went to the thread prepared to ask him what was going on. A frown took over her face as the video played.
“Um what the fuck, Isayah? Who the hell is this?”
“The day Josh was at the PC, Gia sent me that. She claimed it was an accident but then told some other girls on the roster that I was flirtin with her.” He held her hips when she tried to get off his lap. “Chill you see that thread and you know ion want that girl. You know I only want you, Moriah.”
“How the hell that frog eyed bitch get your number anyway? She really want me to beat her ass, sending you some shit like knowing I’m not the one to play with.”
“Ion know how she got it, I’m tryna figure that out too. I can’t let you beat her ass though, I can’t do that.”
Moriah’s body jerked to turn more in his lap. “What do you mean you can’t let me? You protecting that frog eyed bitch? Do I need to beat your ass too?”
He laughed, bringing her face to his so he could kiss her. “Ain’t protectin her, I’m protectin you and your career. She look like she can’t fight so I know you gon beat her ass and she might call them people on you. My Fat too pretty to go to jail.”
“Ion care about that, she need to stop playing with me. Ima show her what happens when people play with me,” Moriah spat trying to move out of his hold.
“Nah, nah, nah. You not finna fuck up what you worked hard to build up. You not about to let somebody that don’t matter ruin you or us. Aight?”
She rolled her eyes, obviously irritated. “I’m just supposed to let her do that?”
“Ima get that handled, don’t worry about that shit. I just wanted to make sure you knew what was goin on.” He lifted her chin when he noticed her gaze was wandering away from his.”Don’t no queen come queen come off her throne to address no peasant, baby. Let me do this. Please.”
As mad as she was, she had to admit that she liked him wanting to take care of it on his own for her and that he cared enough about her livelihood and her life even when she didn’t. The love he had for her was evident in the fact that he was so ready to go to war with her but as soon as she even thought about having her own war, he sat that aside and stepped into hers. Some parts of their story may not have been ideal but moments like this made her remember why she loved it so much.
“Okay, Zay. I’ll let you handle it.” She leaned down to kiss him then put her forehead against his. “But the next time, that bitch may not be so lucky. So she better be thankful.”
He bit his lip, his impure thoughts running rampant again. “Yes ma’am, Fat.”
A soft gasp escaped feeling the twitch against her. “Zay, really?”
“I can’t help it,” he laughed softly. “My bad.”
“Uhuh,” she laughed, “You better help it because I’m hungry.”
“I can feed you, Fat.”
“I’m hungry for food not dick, Isayah.” She laughed moving off his lap. “Stop playin so we can eat.”
Knowing this probably wouldn’t happen again later, Zilla pulled her close to him kissing up her neck. “You know I can make it quick. Real quick then you can eat.”
“Zay,” she pouted softly. “I’m hungry.”
“And so am I.” He whispered in her ear. “Zilla even let you get on top. Please, Fat.”
She turned in his arms, staring at him trying to ignore the grin on his face. “You lucky you’re cute when you beg.”
The only Parker women allowed in Leata’s house sat around her living room, bringing happiness and peace to her already calm home. Everything with Nadine still sat in her mind but to see the kids thriving and having these ladies around her again after a long while helped her push Nadine to the back of her mind.
“I hate to ruin the mood but you have yet to tell me what my daughter did that had you upset in Target.” Trenice said pointedly then took a sip of her tea. “And before you start your usual thing, I don’t care if she was little baby Jesus, wrong is wrong and I want you to tell me about it.”
Leata and Kamille shared a laugh.
“After Moriah shared with me about having her tubes tied, Kamille agreed to have me over to talk to Nadine. I’ll admit I did not go over there in the best mood,” she explained.
Trenice wagged her finger. “No ma’am. You don’t need to preface it. I know how you were feeling and I understand. Keep going.”
“I just asked her straight out if that’s what she did and why she did. We went back and forth for a second and she talked about the boys father then she wished death on my baby. And I,” she paused to collect herself, “I had enough of letting her slide with her remarks and I slapped her.”
Kamille laughed. “Correction. You slapped the crap outta her. Mama, she hit the floor and everything.”
“Kamille,” the older woman admonished with a small smile, “That’s not nice. Don’t laugh. But I will say if anyone deserved it, my daughter most definitely did. You do not let anybody talk about any of your babies in that manner. She was raised better than that but when that thing gets backed into a corner, she can be as vicious as a lioness.”
“Oh trust me, I know, Trenice. But she met her match. The only reason I was letting it slide before was for Rye but now that Rye has done what she should have done years ago, I’m done as well.”
“Sometimes our absence teaches people more than our presence.”
“Mama, that was deep,” Kamille joked. “Maybe I need to find her a man. That’ll do it. She hasn’t had one since Hassan. And that was a very long time ago.”
Leata snorted while taking a sip of her coffee. “Nadine has a man and has had one since before her and San divorced.”
Mother and daughter paused to stare at the other woman. “Repeat that for me.” Kamille said in a serious tone.
“And me as well.”
“Oh I guess she never told you guys. Too busy in Rye’s business.” Leata sassed. “She had an affair with Eddie’s cousin while she was married to Hassan. She didn’t know they were cousins, don’t know how but she didn’t at first. But that didn’t stop her.”
Trenice looked between her tea and the other women. “I’m gonna need to add some whiskey to this. Did Hassan know?”
“Not at first but when Eddie found out, he told his cousin and he told Hassan. Had the two of them meet.” She recounted, situating herself on the sofa. “As far as I know, she doesn’t know that he even knows.”
“So did the cousin stop once they met?” Kamille asked.
“For a little while, not long. The two of them kept at it and still are. He’s loved Nadine for a long time and I think in some way, she loves him too but I don’t think she would ever make it official with him.”
“Well yeah because if she did that she knows what a hypocrite she’d be for all the time she spent bad mouthing this family,” Trenice added. “Is that the real reason she stopped liking you and your family?”
“Yup, she was trying to make sure Eddie didn’t tell San but that obviously still happened.”
The room fell silent, only the low hum of the cool air blowing from the air conditioner could be heard.It probably wasn’t the best thing to share and she remembered promising Eddie that she wouldn’t tell a single soul unless Hassan told first. He was just going to have to forgive her for breaking this one promise. The way that Nadine had rained hell all over Moriah and Zilla, she deserved this and then some. There wasn’t much she could do that could match the level of treachery that Nadine imposed but getting as close to it as possible was good enough for her.
Kamille broke the silence clearing her throat. “So tell me to mind my business but how long has it been? If you know.”
Leata counted quietly to herself. “Since Rye was about eight and she’s 26 now, so18 years.”
Both Parker women choked on their tea, sputtering and coughing. “18 years? You have got to be kidding me right now.” Trenice sat her mug aside to get herself together. “There is no way that girl cried to me about getting divorced when she spent half if not more of her marriage sleeping with another man.”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” she responded matter of factly. “I think it was like a year or so that they weren’t seeing each other.”
“My head hurts,” Kamille complained.
Trenice mumbled a bit to herself and God, trying to collect her thoughts.”When I get my hands on her she may find the sense we thought you lost. Got the nerve to be running around here tryna keep her away from your family all the while dipping into it herself.”
“Well at least we see where Rye got her taste in men from.” Kamille joked.
“I’m pretty sure I already know the answer,” Trenice sighed, “Does Rye know?”
“No, she knows nothing about it. I’m sure she doesn’t even remember meeting him.” Leata shrugged.
Kamille put her mug down on the coffee table and threw her hands up, “He met Moriah? My niece … Rye … he met her?”
“Yes ma’am,” Leata answered coolly. “Multiple times. That’s the only part Hassan doesn’t know. Before Rye was old enough to stay home alone or we would be busy and she couldn’t come over when Hassan would be out of town and they had plans, Nadine took Rye along with her.”
“And so what … she was just sitting around waiting on them to finish?” Kamille asked, bewildered by her sister’s actions.
Leata shrugged. “If he had his daughter then they would play together while her and him were in the other room. If she didn’t, she would play and watch TV. He always bought toys and things for her so there was always something.”
“Wow. Just wow.” Kamille scoffed. “I can’t believe her. It’s one thing to cheat on your husband
but it’s another to take your kid with you and introduce them to your affair partner.”
Trenice sat quietly drowning out her daughter and Leata. She started to think back trying to remember if there was anything she missed or overlooked with Nadine. Anything that was said or done that wasn’t quite right but she let it slide at the time. That daughter of hers had ways about her that had been lying dormant clearly waiting for the right opportunity to slip out. Trenice massaged her temple trying to will the oncoming migraine.
“Mama, you okay?”
“I’m fine, I’m fine, just … a lot to process. It’s like I don’t even know this girl that I carried and birthed. The older she gets, the more I find out about her and I don’t like it.”
Kamille rubbed her mother’s back. “I know, Mama. I feel the same way.”
“Please don’t stress yourself out, Trenice. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just thought after all this time you guys should know what’s going on.” Leata sat her mug down and stood from the sofa. “I’ll get you some advil, stretch out on the sofa if you need to.”
Kamille helped her mother lay back on the sofa, she kneeled beside her on the floor and brushed her hair back from her face. “Mama, you been taking your medicine?”
“Of course, I have. I don’t miss a day and if I did you know your daddy would have a fit if I didn’t.” Trenice chuckled. “I’m alright, you worry too much.”
“That may be true but so what? You my mama and I wanna make sure you’re okay.”
Disguised as an early run before heading to work, Bronco and Zilla rode out together in the latter’s blacked out mustang. The car cruised through the still dark, early morning streets. When Zilla called his friend the night before while Moriah was showering, Bronco was immediately down for whatever moves needed to be made and used a few of his connections in the city to find Thomas’ address. Draped in all black they approached the small townhouse, taking notice of his lack of cameras and security as his yard was missing the ‘ADT’ sign that all his other neighbors had. He was living in a false sense of security or he couldn’t afford it and that would be his downfall.
Bronco knocked on the door, careful not to bang too hard and scare him then both men stepped out of range for the peephole. He was getting ready for work so it would be an easy trip. As soon as the door opened, Bronco pushed the smaller man back into the house and followed him in with Zilla right behind, closing the door behind them.
“What the … look I don’t have any money.” Thomas offered, stumbling back. “Just take whatever you want and leave.” He was visibly shaken and scared. He trembled slightly at the two men hovering over him.
“I thought we talked about this, Dr. Gardner.” Zilla spoke softly as he flipped on the nearest light switch. He smiled when he saw the recognition on Thomas’ face. “Did we not?”
“I’m calling the police!” He tried to move around Bronco but was snatched back and tossed onto his sofa, he landed with an audible grunt. “I haven’t done anything to her! Why are you here?” He attempted to get up but one buck from Bronco and he was backing down.
“Man, sit yo ass back and shut up. Always runnin yo damn mouth, that’s why you can’t follow directions.” Bronco barked.
“The lil girl you mentioned to Fat when you saw her in Target. That shit sound familiar?” Zilla asked, moving closer to him.
Thomas extended his hands in surrender. “Listen, I was trying to warn her. I didn’t want her to be blindsided in the event something happened to the little girl.”
Zilla stared at him. “Warn her for what? What she had to do with that?”
“She was in the surgery with me. I saw her.”
“You seen sis do what?” Bronco asked, moving closer.
Thomas stuttered, scooting to the other end of the sofa. “I saw her when the doctor turned his back.” As Thomas was continuing his rebuttal, the back of Zilla’s hand connected with his mouth. He cried out in pain, holding his bleeding mouth.
Zilla grabbed him by his shirt, bringing him up from the sofa, eye level to him. “You think she stupid or some shit? You think she ain’t gon remember what she did and didn’t do in that surgery?”
“I didn’t say that,” he struggled in the larger man’s grip. “I didn’t.”
“That’s what the fuck it sound like to me,” Zilla grunted, still holding on to him. “Or you think she gon lie for you?” Yeah, that’s what you think.”
Throwing the man down to the floor, Zilla and Bronco took turns kicking him in his sides ignoring the shouts of protest. The beatdown lasted for at least five minutes before Bronco snatched him up from the floor again, making him stand up. They smiled now, able to see the extent of their handy work. Thomas wobbled, holding his sides whimpering softly.
“If something happen to that lil girl and Fat get in that shit, that hospital gon be down a med student. Feel me?” Zilla asked, staring straight into his eyes.
Thomas nodded, wincing slightly. “I hear you.”
“And you know we ain’t shit to play with,” Bronco added. “We was nice to yo ass this time, next time we won’t be. Comprende?”
Zilla started to walk away but circled back, shaking his finger in Thomas’ direction. “I know I prolly don’t needa say this but our talk stays between us.”
“Okay, okay, just leave.”
Bronco snarled at him. “Aye, mind ya manners. Rude ass.”
The friends walked out the door, closing it behind them leaving Thomas to collect himself. He crumpled down onto the sofa, gingerly checking his mouth then his ribs. Leaning his head back on the sofa, he started to wish he never got himself involved in any of it. Although he liked Moriah and thought she was beautiful, she was not worth all of the pain and turmoil she had come with.
“Somebody help her! Please help my daughter!”
Hearing the yells from the waiting room, Moriah and Toni rushed out to see what was going on. Mrs. Jones stood in the middle of the room with her daughter cradled in her arms who had tears streaming down her face. Moriah rushed to her, taking Nia from her gently.
“What happened?” Moriah asked, leading them into a bay with an empty bed.
Mrs.Jones wiped at her eyes and nose. “We were at my mom’s house and she was playing with her cousins and then she started screaming and holding her stomach. She kept saying that it hurt.”
Moriah started to check her out, comforting her as much as she could. “I know, sweetheart, I’m sorry. Does it hurt when I press your tummy?”
Nia nodded, tears still streaming. “Yes.”
“Okay, sweetie. Mom, did she vomit?”
“Yeah, she did. She vomited on the floor there and in the car.” Mrs. Jones answered, keeping her eyes on her daughter.
Moriah and Toni made eye contact, then looked down at Nia who started to convulse. “I got her, T. I got it.”
“I’ll go page Dr.Harris!”
“Mrs. Jones, I got her, I promise.” Moriah assured as calmly as she could while trying to stabilize Nia. “Where’s your husband?”
“He’s …. He’s um he’s at work.” She stuttered out.
“Okay, why don’t you go step out and call him? I’m sure he wants to know what’s going on.” Moriah suggested.
“I don’t wanna leave her. What if she needs me?”
Moriah gave her a sympathetic smile. “I promise I will take care of her while you’re gone. And if she asks for you while you’re out, I will come get you. Okay?”
Reluctantly, Mrs. Jones agreed, just as she was stepping out of the bay Dr. Harris and Toni stepped back in. Both sanitizing their hands then donning gloves then moved to the opposite side of the bed.
“How long has she’s been seizing?” He asked.
“At least three minutes. Her mom said she started to complain of intense stomach pain, she vomited twice and from what I can feel by touching her, she’s got a fever.” Moriah rattled off.
Nia’s body finally stopped convulsing and she laid out, shallow breathing and barely conscious. Dr. Harris rubbed her cheek gingerly, trying to coax her awake. “Hey, little bit. Open your eyes for me,” he demanded gently. “Let’s see those brown eyes, girl.”
Her eyes fluttered bringing a small smile to their faces.
“There she is,” Moriah cooed. “Can you keep em open for us?”
She tried to keep them open then reached for her stomach, cradling it in pain and crying. “It hurts! It hurts!”
“I know, little bit. I have to touch your stomach so I can try and help. It might hurt a little.” Dr. Harris nodded for Moriah and Toni to help stretch her back out. He lifted her shirt and as gently as he could pressed around her belly button and abdomen. “I’m sorry, almost done. Did you do a check, Nurse DeBreaux?”
“Yes sir.”
“What did you feel?” He asked, now moving to listen to her heart.
“Like a big, hard knot.”
Dr. Harris went quiet for a moment then told Toni what pain medicine to give Nia. He motioned for Moriah to join him outside the bay. He closed the sliding door to the bay, his hands going to his hips as frustration plagued his face.
“I know you’re not a doctor but I wanna hear what you think that is.”
Moriah bit her lip, slightly nervous to offer her own medical opinion. “Bowel obstruction or rupture I think.”
Dr. Harris nodded. “Caused by?”
She shrugged. “Either the hernia came back or something went wrong during surgery.”
“Something went wrong with surgery,” he repeated, staring down at her. “Do you know what?”
“I don’t know exactly what and I did not do it.” She answered quickly.
He hummed, glancing back in the room at the little girl. “But you saw something?”
“Yes. Me and a few other nurses as well.”
It was unusual to see Dr. Harris do anything but smile, it unsettled Moriah even though she knew she wasn’t to blame for it. He took a moment to take a few deep breaths and think on his next move.
“I need blood work, x-rays and a cat scan immediately. Take her now then take her to the pediatric ICU, I’ll meet you there.” Dr. Harris ordered. “I’m gonna go find Dr. Miller and Dr. Gardner. We’re gonna fix her up and then we’re getting to the bottom of everything.”
“Yes sir.”
The four adults stood in front of the scans and x-rays pretty much understanding the severity of the situation. There was a rupture in her bowels which led to the pain Nia was having. Dr. Miller stared a hole in the side of Thomas’ face while Dr. Harris wasn’t looking and Moriah looked everywhere but at him.
“You see that there? The two inch line?” Dr. Harris asked, pointing to the x-ray. “That is a rupture. I won’t know if it was man made or her body did it while recovering but I’ll know when I open her up to repair it.” The others stood quietly listening to him, not really sure of what to say back. “Miller and Nurse DeBreaux, you’re coming into surgery with me. Gardner, you’re watching from the booth. I don’t know what happened the last time that little girl was on my table but you can bet your asses I’m gonna find out.”
“Yes sir,” they all mumbled together.
“Miller, come with me so we can talk to the parents.” Dr. Harris ordered. “Nurse DeBreaux, let them know to get my OR ready for me, please.”
With that, Dr. Harris and Dr. Miller walked off leaving Moriah and Thomas. She scoffed when he attempted to move closer to her. She put her hand up, pushing him in his chest away from her noticing the slight hiss.
“Get your dumbass away from me, Thomas.”
“We could be in a lot of trouble and you’re still not wanting to stick together. I get you don’t like me but we need to be a united front.” He spat harshly.
Moriah chuckled, now taking in his appearance, she raised her brow. “I see you got a visit from my man and you still tryna put this on me. You gotta be stupid as hell. I had nothing to do with that and you know it.”
“I was assaulted, it’s not funny. You’re in it as much as I am.”
Moriah poked her lip out then laughed. “You got your ass beat for trying me and you’re gonna get your ass beat again when I tell him that you still trying me. The only thing I’m guilty of is not saying something sooner but I didn’t think you were stupid and careless enough to do this.” He growled under his breath then lashed out moving closer to her.
“Stop calling me stupid! I’m not stupid!”
She stared at him unmoved. “Don’t get your ass beat in here, Thomas. Stop yelling at me and back the hell up.”
“No, I’m tired of your ungrateful ass,” he yelled, pointing in her face. “I do all this to try and show you that I’m a better guy than that felon, that I can treat you better and take care of you and this is what I get? Fucking attitude.”
“Nobody asked you for any of that. I asked you to stay away from me,” she spat smacking his finger out of her face, “You better watch your tone. Don’t be mad at me because you fucked up. You better hope her body did that and not you or you’ll be a felon too.”
Thomas brought his hands up as if he wanted to choke her, she kept her eyes on him daring him to do so. Giving up, he let out a loud groan and walked off. Just one more thing to tell Zilla or maybe she would handle this one on her own but whatever the decision is was going to have to wait. She had a job to do.
Thomas paced back and forth watching Nia’s surgery in the overhead booth. He prayed that the rupture was something her body did and that she would make it through without any lingering side effects.
“Uuuh, Dr. Harris, her blood pressure is dropping rapidly.”
Dr. Harris glanced at the nurse that came from then at her vitals. “I’m almost done, just need a few more minutes.”
Moriah took a look at her vitals, the numbers made her heart drop to her stomach. “I don’t think she has a few more minutes, Dr. Harris.”
“She’s a strong girl. She can make it, she can do it. Right, little bit?” He encouraged trying to work as quickly and efficiently as he could. Dr. Miller remained quiet as he helped his mentor. “Just a few more minutes, a few more and she’ll be good as new.”
“Her heart rate is dropping,” the nurse called out in a slight panic.
“I think her body is going into shock,” Moriah added, trying to do what she could.
Dr. Harris continued to work, praying he did what he needed to do before the unthinkable happened. He had to drown out the nurse continuing to rattle off Nia’s numbers so he could focus.
“She’s in distress,” Dr. Miller called out just as she flatlined.
The team worked for eight minutes trying to get her heart started to no avail while Thomas watched helplessly, biting away at his fingernails. The operating room went silent, all eyes on her lifeless little body open on the table. There wasn’t one dry eye in the room but none of the tears fell. Dr. Harris snatched his mask and protective gear off, tossing it to the side cursing under his breath.
“Miller, close her up, please. I gotta,” he paused to clear his throat, “I gotta go talk to her parents.”
Moriah spoke up, going over to him. “I’ll go with you, Dr. Harris.”
He nodded. “That’s fine. But just let me do all the talking.”
Getting to the room Nia was occupying, they stepped in allowing the door to shut behind themselves. Nia’s parents stood from their seats immediately, they held onto each other trying to read the facial expressions.
“The rupture and the leak had been going on far too long and got into her blood as well as some organs, caused a bit of tissue death,” Dr. Harris explained in a soothing voice. “Dr. Miller and I were trying to do as much clean up and repair as we could but her body went into shock before we could complete it. Her heart stopped on the table and we weren’t able to get it back. I’m so sorry.”
Her mother let out a scream that brought tears down their faces and echoed in their heads. Mr. Jones held his wife against him, trying to keep her from hitting the floor. His own tears spilled over.”
“What? What does that mean?” He asked in a froggy voice.
Dr. Harris cleared his throat, thumbing away the tears on his face. “Nia didn’t make it, Mr. Jones. She died during surgery.”
The screams grew louder from Mrs. Jones, Moriah attempted to help Mr. Jones console her only to be pushed away. Dr. Harris put his hands on Moriah's shoulders, turning her towards the door. He offered one more set of condolences before guiding them out of the room.
“Was that your first time?” He asked softly, sighing when she nodded. “Go home. Get your stuff, go home. Do you think you can drive?”
Moriah nodded, folding her arms across her chest. “I don’t have to leave. I can stay.”
“Don’t be stubborn,” he said, offering her a small smile. “You’re not okay. Go home, Moriah.”
Not wanting to argue knowing he was right, Moriah went back down to the ER to grab her stuff. Toni called her several times but she was so zoned out she didn't hear her prompting Toni to follow her into the employee lounge. Moriah jumped, feeling the hand on her shoulder.
“It’s just me, It’s just me.” She assured softly, now noticing the tears in her eyes and on her face. “Why the tears? What’s going on? Did Thomas do something?” Moriah shook her head and hugged Toni, laying her head on the older woman’s chest. “Okay not Thomas. It’s Nia? Did her surgery not go good?”
“No,” Moriah croaked. “She died.”
Toni held her tight, rubbing her back and her head. “Oh, babygirl. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Are you going home?” Moriah nodded against her. “Okay, You can’t drive. I’ll take you.”
“You don’t–,” she sniffled. “You don’t have to. I can do it.”
“So you can crash cause you can’t see? No ma’am." She chastised. “They will be okay without me for an hour. I’ll have the boys pick me back up. I got your stuff, come on.”
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Realize where you belong.
Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader
Chapter 5
CW: dubious consent, mentions of NON CON, neteyam yearning for reader, angst all over, you can see the sexual tension with your naked eyes, possessive neteyam, feelings of general and sexual confusion, mentions of sexual fluids, talks of being sexually aroused, sexual content, tsaheylu is mentioned, reader is still scared of Neteyam but she longs for him too, fear kink (if you squint), mentions of blood, size kink (if you really squint), primal [hunter/prey] kink (if you squint HARD), crying, strong language, the word "harassment" is mentioned, MAY BE TRIGGERING to some people, mentions of exophilia, indecisive reader, heartbroken Neteyam, heartbroken reader. Please, tell me if I missed anything important!
I slept a lot during the day yesterday and was up until late with my bf having dinner, watching YouTube etc and, when he went to sleep, I was restless, still didn't feel like sleeping so, I decided to edit and finish this chapter that was being kept in my Docs for way too long, it was getting dusty 😂 So, I might have stayed up until morning in the zone editing and finishing this 👀 I'm REALLY sleepy and exhausted rn, so, if some parts of this chapter don't really make sense, try to have empathy for my poor tired being and forgive me <3 I'm aware that I'm a hot mess who has insomnia and needs to get a grip and not put her art above healthy sleeping habits but what can I do? I'm one of those chaotic artists who have a hectic, unstable life and feel the most alive when they're immersed in their craft, running away from their problems, pouring their whole soul into their works 🤷🏻♀️
Not proofread. Me. too. tired. 💤 I'll do it ASAP! hope you guys like this. 🤍😘 comments will ALWAYS be incredibly appreciated.
Chapter 4
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
From lashes to ashes and from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment I am lost
And we sense the danger but don't want to give up
It's heartache every moment, from the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment with you
Heartache Every Moment (HIM)
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
You stared at Neteyam, at his big face, covered with stripes and fascinating bioluminescent freckles, leaving unique patterns all over his blue skin.
Even though he was kneeling down, doing everything he could to seem smaller and not so scary, to make you feel less intimidated by his size, his face was still way above your eyes, you still felt your neck hurt a little when you had to look up - straining your muscles, already sore from working too much - to gaze at his eyes.
"Oh, paskalin" (honey) "I could make you feel so good, you don't even know..." he was now even closer to you - you didn't even think it was possible but there he was, his massive frame making you feel smaller than ever. Fear of him snapping at you, in case you did something that didn't please, and hurting you was taking over your mind. You didn't know that Omatikaya boy, how could you trust him? "Give me a chance, be my mate and lemme show you how much pleasure I can give you, how I can make you feel safe and fulfilled in my arms after we make love. Like no fucking human male could ever do. Not like I would." Neteyam's fangs got prominent at that moment, and you could tell he was restraining himself from hissing at the thought of a human man having you in his arms. God, that had a name...
"Obsession." you thought
Despite those horrible feelings you were experiencing, his foreign accent still sounded weird but strangely fascinating to your ears, simultaneously. You hated yourself for feeling drawn to Neteyam, even though he was clearly stepping over your limits. You didn't know if maybe it was a na'vi courtship behavior for the male to get this close to the female, even if she hadn't shown any signs of wanting him to. But Neteyam wasn't exactly courting you, you thought. It was more like... straight up harassment, at least in human culture.
Your breath became heavier inside your oxygen mask when you thought about him using his fangs to draw blood from your skin in case you were able to be fast enough to go past where he was kneeling down next to you, and, tried to run away. With his incredibly slender, toned legs he could easily catch up with you in a millisecond and grab you, being free to do whatever he wanted to your small, defenseless human body. That thought made you feel like someone was knotting your intestines tight.
"Eywa... You're just so fucking pretty, even in this demon form, that I... I wanna do to you, right now, all I've been dreaming about, since I first saw you and you made my blood run hotter through my veins, such a fire you ignited inside me, syulang..." (flower)
Neteyam's breath was so heavy once out of his nostrils, clouding your mask, like he's controlling his urges, trying to hold back from touching you. You felt your knees weaken, fear and tension being the reasons why.
"Y-you don't want me, Neteyam. Not really. You just think you do. You're only intrigued by me because I look different from the girls you're used to. The na'vi girls." You didn't know how but you dug deep inside your chest and found the courage there to say that, looking into the alien's eyes.
Neteyam chuckled faintly, air coming out of his nose, in disbelief
"How can you say such thing, hì’i?"
"Hì..hì?" You tried to pronounce what you had just heard, in vain. You had no idea what that na'vi word meant. It's not like you knew that much of the na'vi language, anyway. You only knew the basic stuff that you had to study and learn to be able pass one of the tests that would determine if you were ready to get an Avatar body from the lab
"Hì'i." He corrected you, smiling wide and laughing quite a bit. "You're so silly and cute. Hì'i means "small in size" in my people's language. You are small, in this current physical form. But, let's talk about what's most important: what makes you think I don't really want you?"
"Because I am a demon to you, as you said. I am a human girl, not a na'vi girl." you said, rage slipping through your eyes. Why the hell was that crazy na'vi guy calling you a "demon", saying that he wants you sexually and calling you pet names, all at once?
"But you have an Avatar body. Nothing is preventing you from having your consciousness transferred for good to that body. If my father did it, so can you." The alien said, full of confidence. You wondered if he was going insane.
"And what makes you think I wanna do it?"
“My tawtute," (human) "I can smell you. I know you want me too. You're wet for me. Don't forget my senses are way sharper than what you're used to" Neteyam smiles calmly while enjoying the way your scent hit his nostrils. You felt your face flood with color, so much blood going directly to that part of your body as you felt incredibly embarassed when you heard those words. You had just realized your panties were soaked. "And, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you… Your juices smell so fucking delicious. You're driving me insane right now, yawne. I think that, at the end of the day, becoming my mate and making tsaheylu with me wouldn't be such a horrible experience for you."
Your thoughts cursed at you like crazy: "Damn it!! I must be kidding my own self!! Having a slight crush on him is one thing, getting fucking wet for him is something totally different! Do I have a fear kink, a rape kink or am I just into freaking exophilia?! For real, girl... There's gotta be something extremely wrong with you for you to be this turned on by the thought of this alien guy taking you by force."
"You're crazy! I'm not gonna be your mate! Just fucking let me go!" You wondered if you had just lost your mind to say and do that to Neteyam, being currently in your human body (if you were Dreamwalking it would obviously be safer) but you couldn't take all that was happening at that moment anymore. Your heart was beating too fast, like you were about to have a cardiac arrest. It was too much. You were overwhelmed.
You caught Neteyam off guard, the words you shouted stinged him so hard it left his very heart wounded, the muscles throbbing in pain. You noticed he seemed hurt, the sides of his mouth curled down faintly and his cat like ears were pointing towards the ground.
You felt bad for hurting his feelings. Even though he was disrespecting you, there was still enough empathy inside you to make you feel bad for making him suffer. You did not enjoy hurting people.
You inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm your nerves and, finally, you said:
"Look, I don't mean to be rude, even though you honestly deserve it. There's no excuse for what you're doing. You can't force me to be your mate. I'm not even na'vi! And don't start with that "You have an Avatar body" thing, please!" You breathe in deeply and let the air out slowly "I'm not your dad and I don't intend to follow his steps. I know very well I could die if I tried to go past Eywa's eye. Even if I wanted to get my consciousness transferred forever to my Avatar form, it's too damn risky. Plus, what makes you think I'd ever do it for you? I barely know you." You sighed, exhausted from it all. "Let me go back to my room. Please…?"
Neteyam looked tired and he was starting to feel defeated, like a soldier fighting in the front lines of a war who was losing his stamina after shooting way too many enemies in a very short period of time.
"I just wish you could…" it's like the words felt too rough against his throat, like it was too hard to talk at that moment "... could see that I won't hurt you." He sighed again "I know it feels weird and I'm big and scary, like you say…" His heart hurt at the reminder of your tough words "But I promise you - and I take promises very seriously. My parents taught me to do so, ever since I was old enough to understand their words - I would never lay a finger you." The expression on his face looked utterly serious, like he truly meant it. "Ever."
"You're hurting me with your actions, your words... the way you talk about me, about my body. I don't know about your culture, but it's pretty disrespectful in mine. I feel violated. I do think most of what the human race considers right or wrong is just bullshit, dumb society rules made up by even dumber people. But I have to agree with them on this one." You said
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, hì’i tawtute." (small human) Neteyam looked down at the floor and there was shame all over his face
"Opening my window for you was a mistake."
Neteyam looked at you with eyes filled with sadness
He got back on his feet and stepped away from you, staying now arguably a good amount of steps away from where you were standing.
"Please, don't say that…" Neteyam pleaded with tears in his eyes
"I'm sorry. I have to go."
༊⁀➷
Once you got back to your room, took your oxygen mask out of your face on autopilot and closed the window, you stared for a while at Neteyam's oddly tall figure, still standing in front of your room.
You looked at him and your heart broke. He looked so hurt. His big yellow irises shone insanely in the dark of the eclipse. But his eyes were tainted with tears. His dark braids fell onto his shoulders perfectly. He was incredibly beautiful. But why could you only let your guard down when he was away from you? When you were behind a glass and he was standing on the other side? It broke your heart to do that. But you also knew he was being too much. Too eager. Stepping over your limits and making you uncomfortable. But what if that was just his na'vi nature? You had heard before that the na'vi were humanoid but still animalistic. Maybe it was just… his primal instincts to find a mate. You wondered if maybe you were being too harsh on him. But you still felt like you could not and should not trust him. Even though you wanted to.
You watched him walk away, his shoulders pointing downwards, his posture showing he knew he had lost that battle.
You wondered if he would come back or if he would give up on you. You felt so idiotic. Why did you want him to come back? He was not treating you the way he should be, with respect for your boundaries.
You felt so confused. There was a lump in your throat. You felt like you were about to cry too.
Your hands were cold and you were feeling anxious and your chest was filled with angst. You wanted to scream Neteyam's name and ask him to come back. But you did not. You knew you shouldn't. It could awake someone. It could be dangerous. You should not trust Neteyam, you kept repeating in your mind.
Your feet started to move, almost as if they did it on their own, because it felt like your mind was somewhere else, like your brain was occupied with something else other than sending a message to your feet and tell them to take you back to your bed. You were lost in your thoughts. Dazed as hell.
Once you laid on your bed and covered your body with the warm sheets, you felt a sinking feeling of sadness and guilt bruising your chest. Hot, painful tears streamed down your face and the lump in your throat intensified. Why were you crying? And why were you thinking about Neteyam Suli while you cried?
You wondered if he could imagine that you were now crying, just like he was when he left.
༊⁀➷
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