#I'm supposed to be writing my novel but no time to be gay

[rallamajoop]

So why are there so many gay vampires?

From the time of Carmilla all the way up to the works of Anne Rice (a universe that seems to get only less subtle as the years go on), gay vampires have been a thing basically as long as anyone was writing about vampires. Lesbian vampires have been a genre all their own for decades. Bram Stoker, author of the most famous vampire novel ever written, was gay himself. So why vampires specifically?

I’ve seen people attempt to answer this one before, and there are all sorts of contributing factors I could point to here, from the genres’ beginnings with Lord Byron (infamous bisexual disaster fuckboy), to modern discourse about why queer folks so often find themselves identifying with the monsters and outcasts of fiction. Few other monsters besides vampires can so easily pass for ‘normal’, or are nearly so well known for their snappy dress sense and ‘unnatural cravings’ for human flesh. And that’s without even getting into all those skeezy outdated stereotypes casting queer people as predators, or the idea that even one ‘gay experience’ could somehow ‘convert’ you into being one yourself.

But to my mind, there’s just one really important thing that makes vampires so gay, and it’s the same thing that makes them sexy in the first place: plausible deniability.

You see, a vampire’s bite is simultaneously a) ridiculously sexual, and b) not even a little bit sexual at all.

You don’t have to look far for vampire canons where there’s nothing sexy about being bitten by a vampire. Bloody, violent, painful, sure ‒or just clinically miserable, human bodies torn open or hung up to drain like a human blood bag. What’s sexy about getting bitten by a mosquito, or a fecking leech? The diet of the actual vampire bat requires it to process so much water that it apparently spends mealtimes busily pissing out the difference, and the anti-coagulants in its saliva leave the wound bleeding messily long after it’s gone. The basic act of feeding is no more inherently sexual for a vampire than it is for a zombie.

Vampires are even a surprisingly acceptable monster to market to children. There’s a vampire muppet, a cartoon about a vampire duck, and a whole series of books about a vampire rabbit. You can put a vampire on the side of a cereal box without undue outrage. Vampires do not have to be R-rated for sex or violence.

So of course vampires will go after victims of the same sex. Do you stop to inquire whether the cow you’re eating was male or female? It’s all just predator and prey!

Until it’s everything but.

Do not let the ‘vampires aren’t supposed to be sexy!’-purists fool you. The tradition of sexy vampires goes all the way back to the oldest folklore, where the first victim of a newly-risen vampire was often their still-living spouse. Vampires were even occasionally known to get women pregnant (a convenient excuse for any widow who might turn up pregnant slightly too many months after their husband's death). The ‘original’ Nosferatu sounds more like an incubus than the naked mole-rat creature they made that movie about. The demon lover aspect of the vampire has been there all along.

And it’s not hard to imagine why. If someone is biting and sucking on your neck, then either they’re a vampire, or they’re well on the way to second base (other folklore has its vampires feed directly from their victim’s heart, which is scarcely less suggestive). The implications of an exchange of bodily fluids were never subtle, even in Stoker’s day (I'm looking at you, Lucy-with-the-three-husbands), and the vampire as a sexual predator was a popular literary device well before Stoker's time. Beautiful vampire women would seduce men to their demise, and the males of the species might visit the bedroom of some innocent maiden time and again. The Victorian obsession with mesmerism, meanwhile, provided the perfect explanation for how victims might be hypnotised into eager compliance, and perhaps not even remember being fed upon at all. Vampires have been the ultimate guilt-free sexual fantasy since way back in the day, compatible with all your awkward Victorian mores! (Not quite ready to admit they're sexual fantasies? No problem: he's just here to, y'know, suck on your neck a bit. No subtext here!)

The whole act of biting is so suggestive that in the early years of vampire cinema, it wasn’t shown at all, not even between opposite-sex participants. The camera of 1922’s Nosferatu maintains a demure distance during the climactic scene where the heroine is finally bitten and slowly drained of blood, and Universal’s Dracula conveniently fades to black or cuts away whenever it’s about to take place. But even if the biting has to take place off screen, who’s to say a vampire isn’t going to pick victims of both sexes?

The stately tradition of the lesbian vampire has cinematic examples going all the way back to 1936, with Universal’s Dracula’s Daughter. Though the titular vampire has a nominal male love interest – a psychologist who naively advises her to confront her temptations without fear – the result of his advice is a famous sequence where she picks up a young woman under the premise of wanting an artist's model, and convinces her to remove her top. No actual biting or nudity is shown (it was only 1936), but her fate is left in little doubt.

By the era of 70’s sexploitation, all such subtlety had been abandoned. If we’re all good with naked boobs, who’s going to be offended by a little biting?

In fact, when it comes to men rather than women, a vampire bite was, for many years, far too sexy to be shown, or even alluded to. Nosferatu clearly feeds on that film’s Jonathan-expy, but our only evidence is the bitemarks on his neck in the morning, and the final sacrifice to defeat the evil monster must naturally be female. Universal’s Dracula had to ignore explicit studio mandate that only the brides should be allowed to feed on their own Jonathan-equivalent, as to even imply that Dracula himself had fed upon a man was obviously far too homoerotic to contemplate (never mind that it’s Dracula who must be established as the threat in this opening sequence, or that it’s Dracula his victim will spend the rest of the film obsessed with).

But in that unspeakable land of male-on-male homoeroticism, you might be surprised how much homo we can squeeze in even without resorting to fangs-in-necks. The Lost Boys is surely one of the most homoerotic vampire films ever made, but there, the one big blood-drinking scene is rendered in a bloody massacre of slasher-movie violence. And though Anne Rice certainly describes the scene where Lestat drains Louis of blood in lurid detail (and even has them spend their first sunrise together sharing a coffin), Louis is already thoroughly seduced before he ever reaches this point.

You see, the lore of the pop-cultural vampire conveniently comes with a second and equally-compelling target for plausible deniability: the act of making a new vampire.

Obviously, to work, this has to be deliberate. A world where anyone bitten by a vampire becomes one hasn’t much to offer us, and the relationship between maker and fledgling can just as easily be framed as parental, as recruitment into a cult, or purely transactional. But whichever way you twist it, the implications of choosing another to share in your own eternal youth and immortality… like, I don’t have to spell this one out for you, do I? Did I mention how that thing where a vampire’s traditional first victim tended to be their own mortal widow goes all the way back?

But if we’re not ready to be completely obvious with our mainstream audience, some alternative explanation can always be provided for cover. Lestat doesn’t really want Louis, he just wants Louis’ money! (He also really wants Louis.) The Lost Boys just want Michael to join their gang! (Their very, very pretty gang, who swan around in mesh shirts, tank tops and assless chaps.)

The two sides of the vampire-deniability coin aren’t mutually exclusive, either. Carmilla drinks her new paramour’s blood, but also gazes into her eyes while promising her you will be mine. Drinking blood is a key part of making a new vampire in so many vampire stories, after all.

Carmilla isn’t even the only gay vampire story of the Victorian era. I recently posted about two other fascinating examples, both featuring male/male pairings: one being pretty much just a gender-flipped version of Carmilla, and the other a tragic love story filled with significant "vampire = gay lover" metaphors (why oh why must the townsfolk keep us apart, when we’ll only ever be happy once we’re united once more?) This stuff goes surprisingly far back.

In fact, you can find queer subtext in vampire fiction that predates even Byron and Polidori. 1819's The Vampyre was the first published vampire story, yes, but the first known work of vampire-fiction in the English language is a poem published by John Stagg in 1810, also called The Vampyre (look, the genre didn’t exist yet, you didn’t have to be creative with your titles).

In brief, Stagg’s poem recounts a conversation between a wife (Gertrude) and her dying husband (Herman), whose dear friend Sigismund, lately deceased and deeply mourned, has returned as a vampire. Night after night, he crawls into Herman’s room to drain his blood. Herman’s fate is already sealed, but unless Gertrude takes action, it will surely be she that Herman will take as his own first victim when he rises from the grave.

There may be nothing intentional about the queer subtext of this tale. A vampire’s victims often include friends he knew in life, as Stagg himself cites in his introduction. But if Herman’s first victim will be his wife, what are we to read about the fact Sigismund’s first victim is Herman? Especially given how long he’s kept secret from poor Gertrude that his dear ‘friend’ has been climbing into his bedroom each night, lying beside him in bed and sucking and draining "the fountain of my heart!" while Herman moans and tosses (in pain, obviously!), always leaving him "exhausted, spent." Ultimately, Gertrude is saved only when both Herman and Sigismund are staked through the heart, and we close on the image of them slumbering together in the tomb.

It is, however you turn it, pretty gay.

I reiterate: this is the very first known work of vampire fiction written in the English language. The second was the one that was kind-of-written-by, kind-of-stolen-from, and unambiguously based on bisexual-disaster-fuckboy Lord Byron. And the two most influential works of vampire fiction of the next hundred years would be Carmilla, the very lesbian vampire story written by a… presumably straight man? And Dracula, the not-completely-convincingly-hetero story written by #1 Walt Whitman fanboy Bram Stoker. Vampires have always been very equal-opportunity kind of monsters.

There are, of course, plenty of influential heterosexual vampire tales to fill out the roster too. Varney the Vampire, a penny dreadful from the 1840s, was so successful it ran for over 200 chapters. The 1960s had their own wildly successful Varney-equivalent in the soap opera Dark Shadows. Love it or hate it, we really can't ignore Twilight either. My own introduction to the genre was Christopher Pike’s The Last Vampire series, which came out alongside the original Vampire Diaries novels. So there's plenty of material around to keep the straights entertained – and honestly, that’s only as it should be, because the very thing that makes vampires so queer-friendly is that the sex of their victims doesn’t matter. And it’s so easy to make vampires sexy (let alone a full vampire-proposal!) that even the Victorians could do it.

Now, if your reaction to all this theorising is to tell me "but the LGBTQ’s shouldn’t have to hide behind plausible deniability!" I can only counter, "well sure, but why should the straights have all the fun?" Because playing with all the ambiguity of "is this monster really just after my blood or is this going somewhere?" can be all sorts of fun, regardless of the genders involved. And as long as they’re up for exchanging bodily fluids with persons-and-or-victims of either gender equally, why not have some fun with it?

So, okay, maybe the real title of this post should have been "why are there so many pansexual vampires?" But the answer doesn’t change. Vampires have been the bisexual disaster fuckmonsters for as long as anyone’s been writing about vampires, and have been a metaphor allowing people publish barely-coded gay attraction since 1872. And much like the queer community, they’ve only become more complex, more sympathetic, and all the more popular as romantic paramours as the years have gone by.

[beanghostprincess]

Silly vampire buggy being so very normal about it while the rest are absolutely FERAL is so funny.

Buggy, before Roger passed, still on the Oro: hmm, I'm kinda thirsty-

Shanks, ripping his already open shirt further off: Oh Dear, Oh My Look At ALL THIS So Very BITEABLE SKIN, Sure Hope There's No VAMPIRES Thirsting Near Me, Wink Wink!!!!

Buggy: I bet Gabban still has some juice boxes. I hope he has that guava one. I'll be right back!

Shanks, half naked and drooping: 🥺😟😥😫

<><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: I read this interesting novel yesterday which gave me much to ponder.

Buggy: oh? Awesome! Which was it?

Mihawk, side-eying Buggy pointedly: it was a supernatural romance between a human and vampire. It was rather explicit and had many scenes which piqued my interest.

Buggy, absolutely Not Getting It: oh man. I usually hate those. It's a toss up between bad writing or the vampire is always a top. Like? Give me gay bottom vampires too, we deserve to be recognized!! Oh, Hawky, can you hand me my sunscreen?

Mihawk: ........... here.

Buggy: thanks, love!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile: hey you drink blood.

Buggy, sipping A+ out of a care bear cup: yeah?

Croc: does it work on Logia users? Or would your fangs need Haki to pierce us?

Buggy: hm. Good question? I dunno, actually!

Crocodile: seems this could be a learning experience. Would be a shame to not experiment. I know how much you like your science.

Buggy: I do like science. Yeah. Yeah. You're right! I SHOULD experiment on that!!

Croc, unbuttoning his shirt, tugging down his cravat: uh huh, well, I suppose we ought to get to it- where are you going

Buggy: to my workshop! Science waits for no man!!! Nor clown, in my case. Man clown? Vampire? Who knows. Wait. Am I a man...? Hm, what is the gender today... wait, have I eaten at all? I don't remember. Anyway, I need to grab my suit, I'm low on sunscreen again. Oh, remind me to add that to the next shipment request. Oh, I should also grab a bloody mary!! That sounds great! Okay. Bye bye!!

Croc, halfway undressed, watching Buggy run outside, start swearing bc he didn't pull up his hood and is cursing the light, before tripping flat onto his face: ............. shit.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy rarely pushes the limits of his abilities BECAUSE of the vampirism. If he uses his DF more than usual, it makes him hungrier. And once he hits a certain point, he begins to lose his already loosey-goosey sense of humanity. It scares him to be so cold and uninterested, especially since he always feels things turned up to eleven. When his hits that point, EVERYTHING turns off. At best, he'll be mildly annoyed, angry, amused - but it's like being in a glass bowl, watching things happen from the outside. It terrifies him.

His partners...? Well. It does things to them too, but terror isn't exactly the dominating feeling... 👀

((Also, the romanticism of blood. Of life energy. Of an exchange of that out of love. Of giving parts of yourself to sustain and satiate another. Carrying pieces of someone else in your body to propagate your own life. Of giving and taking consensually the liquid which carries your time. The inherent provocative nature of taking someone else's essence into yourself with full permission and full understanding because they receive so much from you in turn that it is simple, easy, logical to consent to this.))

Vampires 🥰

THE FIRST ONE IS SO REAL EFJKBWEJKBWJEKBF Shanks does that constantly he's DYING for Buggy to bite him and the clown won't even notice he's trying so much. It's ridiculous. Shanks and his failguy moment simping for a vampire that doesn't want his blood.

Mihawk and Crocodile trying to flirt and failing miserably because Buggy is always oblivious to what they do is amazing and no matter the AU it's always like this. I adore. They just want their vampire boyfriend to bite them :(( Failguys.

The last thing you said is so real. Vampires can be something so romantic and I think usually books/TV shows/Media in general don't focus on the important stuff. I want to see teen!Shuggy with Buggy and Shanks traveling together right after the crew disbands (before Roger's death) and Buggy not having access to other types of blood. So Shanks offers him his blood and they have like-- This moment of realization of how intimate it is. And Buggy will forever remember what it felt like to feel Shanks' embrace while sucking his blood without any complaints. And!! Both Mihawk and Crocodile wanting to do the same but it's definitely just for the horny, they don't expect it to be so passionate and intimate, and romantic.

Also, I agree with Buggy, the vampire should be the bottom. Really necessary for this situation.

[pictureofdoriaaaaaangay]

chaotic book ramble so I can stop spiraling into the abyss: dark academia books you've heard of and probably already read edition

I need to talk about books I love to stay sane please stand by <3

Bunny by Mona Awad. I love this book SO MUCH. it's beautifully written, the characters are all unhinged women, there's murder, there's creation, there's a creative writing class. it drips with insanity and eroticism. reading it is like living a fever dream. you can picture the events of the book perfectly, but could never hope to explain it to anyone.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. this book is the entire world to me. I love the characters [they're all terrible and irredeemable people], I love the story [they kill a man then they kill their friend and also worship Dionysus], and I absolutely want a friend group just like the Greek class [to reiterate: they are all walking red flags]. it's a book you have to read once, then again, and again, just to notice more and more so you can analyze it and make deductions. at the end of the day, it goes beyond the age-old "moral implications of murder" and delves into "moral implications of love". don't ask me how many times I've read it. that's my red flag.

If We Were Villains by ML Rio. it was only recently that I read this over the course of twenty four hours, and I honesty have yet to recover. I'm not a Shakespeare girlie, but I still loved the way his work was so inherently and intricately woven into the story of the iwwv characters. it was transcendent. it was a tragedy, it was a love story, it was a comedy. it depends on your perception of it, I suppose. but I digress - it's a really good bloody book. expect the ending to make you cry.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, by our lord and savior Oscar Wilde. this, technically, can't really be classified under the textbook definition of "dark academia" since there's not exactly any academia (can Harry even read let's be honest here), but it goes in this list because VIBES. this is one of my favorite novels of all time, and another one I've read one too many times for it to not be a red flag. I mean, the name of my damn blog is my red flag. I love it so much. it's got everything, from art to obsession to murder to gay people to the most heartachingly profound lines you've ever read. I mean, why wouldn't you read it if you haven't already?

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever. this one snuck up on me. towards the beginning, I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but by the middle, I was hooked. by the ending, I was shooketh. reading the author note, I was sitting silently in abject horror. more gay people, more obsession, more murder - what else do I have to say?

this has been a chaotic book ramble. thank you for being here <3

[hils79]

Hils Watches The Spirealm - Ep 1

Well, it's time to watch a new drama and this has been on my list since basically the day it dropped and was then removed an hour later. Looking forward to seeing just how gay it is.

Considering how much people have been talking about it I don't actually know that much about it really. I know Lost Tomb Reboot Xiaoge, my boy Huang Junjie, is one of the leads and that it's an adaptation of a danmei novel (I think?). But in terms of the actual plot no idea.

And how do you even pronounce the title? The Spire Realm?

I have many questions and I haven't even started watching yet.

Okay, I'm going in.

For the sake of clarity I am watching this on Viki so I will be using their episode numbering system not the original one.

Wait, is this a gaming drama? Like The King's Avatar?

Ah, so it's VR rather than a classic video game

Well, that sort of explains how you pronounce it but not really. Is it more like The Spy Realm?

A game where you experience severe hallucinations and possibly die? Who would play such a game? I'll take one guess...

Okay, the only drama I've seen him in is The Lost Tomb Reboot so it's going to take a while for me to get used to him speaking and having regular facial expressions

BWAHAHA! Zero lies detected

I'm pretty sure this is not Huang Junjie's actua voice, and the dubbing doesn't quite match the movements of his mouth. But I'm not complaining, I'm just glad we're able to watch it at all

Uhh...has he got super hearing? Or is he getting all messed up because he played the hallucination death game?

KITTY!

I know they've explained it as 'hallucinations' but this feels very urban fantasy, which is a genre I particularly enjoy

Ohhh! Okay. When the dude said people sometimes die playing the game I kind of thought he meant it gave them seizures or something. But no, he just walked into the path of an oncoming car because he was looking at something that only he can see. I guess that's the sort of deaths the dude was talking about

Oh so he actually does have super hearing! Well, I hope someone in the DMBJ fam is writing the Liu Sang version of this

Oh hello

Uh oh

Well, the answer to how gay is it is them looking like they're about to kiss 2 minutes after they met. Good work everyone.

Okay, I haven't learned anyone's name yet but I do hope this is setting the tone for the rest of the drama. Dude in white pretending to be badly injured from a small scratch on his arm and Huang Junjie immediately being 'OMG LET ME CARRY YOU 🥺' even though it's obvious the other dude is faking

Well this just turned into The Ring very quickly

Ehehe. There's only one bed.

GAH! JESUS FUCK THE GHOST IS IN THEIR BEDROOM! Is now the time to mention I'm not good with horror?

I don't know how I'm supposed to survive another *checks* 37 episodes when they're acting like this already

[pleucas]

good evening. it is me again, skk hater - no air quotes because i am completely genuine in my hatred. this will be a long one.

i shall first begin with a thanks. i do write pretty often, and my ego has been sufficiently stroked. i suppose even the most despicable people have taste - at least in matters besides ships.

you have asked for my reasoning behind my vehement hatred of skk, and i think it's time for me to provide.

i'm going to be completely truthful - it's all Akutagawa's fault. i love him and his stupid victorian child fashion and british accent and dumb haircut deeply. so, naturally dazai is the bane of my existence.

now, even though i hated dazai more each time Akutagawa appeared, i actually didn't mind SKK for some time. i didn't get it cause Chuuya rarely actually shows up in the manga, which i read straight through without detouring for any of the light novels, but i was fine with it. they're fruity in most all their interactions, i shall never deny that because it's clearer than glass and i'm not that delusional, but i didn't see much substance beyond that.

then i read the novels and slowly came to the conclusion that i actually hate dazai even when Akutagawa isn't in the picture. and when i say HATE i mean HATE. he is the pebble lodged in my shoe, the lego on my cousin's floor, the table leg i stub my toe on, and so forth.

Chuuya, on the other hand, i love. he's great. amazing. stormbringer? peak. so, OBVIOUSLY, he could do much better than dazai. soooo much better. i mean, look at him

every time dazai and Chuuya have their objectively gay moments with each other, i feel like im watching my friend crawl back to their toxic ex.

that's how i feel with most dazai ships, and this is because dazai is always a smug prick towards the person he's being shipped with, and because i love Akutagawa i am not amused by this in the slightest. feels like he's rubbing salt in the wound. i actually like dazai more as a character when he's on the back foot. a (nonromantic) example would be him in The Day I Picked Up Dazai (A Side). dazai and Oda's dynamic is probably the best one dazai has in my eyes - though i don't ship them in the slightest. additionally, i think i, if only for a moment, actually liked dazai when he got ""killed"" in that one chapter. because it was a loss for him. in that moment, he (well, at least we're led to believe) got what he had wished for so often during the series, though it was not on his own terms. therefore, it felt almost like poetic tragedy - i thought it would have been a fitting end for him, and if it truly had been, i might like him now. this, as you know, was not the case.

furthermore, dazai is a fruitcake with or without Chuuya. it's not specific towards him, so i don't think anything real can be drawn from the vaguely homoerotic behaviour. i mean, dazai ballroomed danced with Sigma five minutes after meeting him. man just likes men, i don't know what to say

in conclusion, i feel like their relationship is unbalanced. dazai is never really shown to be all too worked up by Chuuya, even when he seems to be on the losing end of their bickering, but Chuuya is constantly harassed. while it's admittably funny, i don't like it in a romantic sense, nor do i see it in anyway that's different from Kunikida or Sigma.

that's about everything i can say without going on an unorganized tangent. i could bring up more specific issues i have that stem from Stormbringer and the Fifteen novel, but i have actual things ive been putting off writing - there's a whole book being sidelined by SKK right now. this has been a good way of procrastinating, but it must come to an end eventually

as for titles, you can call me Rimu. like the tree,

so, with an abundance of hate, Rimu <3

(ps: you might noticed that dazai's name is not capitalized at all in this ask. this is because he does not deserve that level of respect.)

holy hell Rimu. Hello, formally I guess — I will follow in your footsteps and leave dazai's name uncapitalized, because that was very funny

i've been putting off responding to this for a while but please believe that i have been thinking about it and periodically re-reading it. it's one of the most entertaining asks i've received LOL

to actually respond without completely proving your point of skkers procuring essays (though i'm sure you realize the irony upon review of your own accolade), i'll keep it brief. you had me in the first half, ngl, cuz i'm pretty sure 89% of us [skkers] agree, on a generalized scale, that dazai is the worst and Chuuya deserves everything and more (and better). he's the type of character that i enjoy as pure fiction, bc i know that if i knew him in person i'd hate him. same goes for my opinions on irl dazai — so asagiri did a (rare) justice for his authors there ig

abt everything else tho (imbalance, not being as affected by chuuya, similarity to other ships, and lack of intrigue)... i had a lot of responses prepared but really all of it can be summed up here as this:

like ngl man. LOL. i do blame the anime and its horrendous adaptation of dazai's character and skk's interactions, but that's another can of worms... that i have... opinons... about.

thank you for sharing your thoughts Rimu, i enjoyed reading through it a lot. keep it going!

with a mutual abundance of hate, Cas <3 <3 <3

[pluttskutt]

Plu's 2024 Writeblr Intro

Hi!

I'm Aurora but I go by many nicknames. Plu is a popular one. I'm a writer in my 30s who's been writing since I could put pen to paper. I've been on writeblr for a long time so I make new intros now and then.

What do I write? Fantasy! My goal isn't to be published but simply to write because it brings me joy. I've been working on my series since I was ~12, but I've also got stand-alones in the making.

My cast is primarily ace and aro, so if you want romance I am not your gal. Unless you want (gay) soulmates doomed to tragedy because I do got that wip.

Besides tragic soulmates I've got mermaid pirates searching for a sanctuary away from humans that have been hunting them for ages, a futuristic wip where the humans are gone so the dragons are returning or supposed to but only one does, and a dad who gets kidnapped by aliens.

My series is about alternate worlds/earths and the barriers between these worlds cracking, with monsters slipping through the cracks. Infected worlds are eaten by a colossal fog named Nothing. Three factions have risen to fight this.

We have Siruna, the mighty army faction. U.N.I.T are agents hiding in the shadows. The Rebels rose to protect the innocent with no one to protect them in this war.

And, now, we have space elves. They are not from any alternate worlds or on the side of any human.

დ WIP Intros დ

Fantasy Series:

Toy Soldier

»[...] First novel in my fantasy series centred around the consequences of the veils between worlds breaking. Not only are monsters seeping through the cracks but a massive fog rolls in on worlds overtaken by monsters and devours them.«

Förtrollade Omständigheter/Witches be Witchin’

»[...] Second novel in my series. In this adventure, inspired by the joy of playing D&D for the first time, we meet new characters and follow their journey.«

What Binds Us

»[...] Third instalment of my fantasy series. In this one, we follow an agent from what has been assumed as the “good guys”, and find out that maybe they’re not so good after all.«

Stand Alones:

Mermaid Pirates

»[...]The Lost Lenore is another character’s deceased love interest. This kind of tragedy is one of The Oldest Ones in the Book and named for the famous deceased in Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”«

Dragons Are Back

»[...] Determined to find out why they are the only to return, they set out to wander this earth for answer. A bird named Pip joins them on this adventure across the globe.«

(Gay) Tragic Soulmates

»[...] A story where soulmates are born again and again, searching for each other, only to be pulled apart by greater forces pulling the strings.«

You can find my fanfic on Ao3. My current obsession is Steddie. Other than that I'm also on Bluesky, myWriteClub, Instagram, and Wordpress where you can read snippets and lore from my fantasy series.

I created the writeblr trick-or-treat event that runs in October.

Thanks for reading!

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Secretary Questions and Answers Part 1

What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?

Being nice to people you don't know. nd also large amount of cocaine

Why did you make the reading comprehension section in the last module?

I'm a librarian! Teaching literacy is half the fun of my job! The rates of functional illiteracy are quite high (up to 50% in some areas of North America). I believe that literacy is one of the few ways to better one's situation, and it starts with asking questions about what you are reading and trying to read in-between the lines. I like teaching people :)

Bingus?

Did you do 9/11?

When I was a wee young lass,

What are some other interactive novels you would recommend?

Secretary Answer: The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante!

Author Answer: For choice of games/hosted games, I like Night Road, the creme de la creme series, fallen hero (which is probably the most predictable recc ever), lies under ice was a really cool recent sci fi release, slammed! is old but pretty great. Separate to choicescript, Our Life Beginnings and Always has a special spot in my heart, it's very much a comfort game for me. I played Digimon Survive this year and although it's kind of a hybrid (it has a lot of turn-based strategy) it's a cool spooky VN. I like the zero escape series too, but also heavily criticise them the way that only somebody who likes something a lot can.

Secretary Answer: show off

What are the characters opinions about peeing in the shower?

nobody pisses in the shower excepts:

Vantage (time efficient)

Hypothesis (he also poops in the shower)

Beth (she's incontinent)

how do author and secretary come together to work on DYVJ? what's the synergy and system like (if there is a system)?

The author writes and does the creative management of the story. She chooses what is inputted in the story and all.

The secretary, me!, deals with a lot of the behind the scene stuff, and with participates in the character design and scene compositions. Create plot points, keep track of things, etc.

essentially, she writes and i am her HR manager. the blog was my idea :)

you guys gay?

i ate her pussy, yes

why is she named surpass

iirc it's because I wanted to evoke a sort of - I don't want to say "Superman" vibe, but I wanted to have a name that evokes power and force. It also feeds a bit into her personality. She's kind of cocky, I'm sure you've noticed, and 'Surpass' has a kind of 'come at me bro' feel to it, making it more the kind of name she'd pick.

Can we smooch Surpass?

Surpass is presently unsmoochable.

Very serious and important question that is totally serious and not at all not serious. At all. Ever. So. Would CG let MC pamper her and feed her sweets via hand? I want to hand feed my handler a Cannoli

CG would be unbelievably tsundere about anyone trying to pamper her.

How did you play Baldur's Gate 3?

my wife says i play games like a maniac. in stealth games (hitman, my beloved), i just run around with guns and kill everything and then finish the missions. allegedly im not supposed to play the game like that! bg3 was a similar experience: what do you mean im not supposed to kill story npcs for their loot? aradin, eat your heart out

[cococowboah]

I think about this video whenever I realize how far I've come after leaving the JW organization.

I went from being a self-hating, self-denying bisexual trans kid who kept insisting my boyish tendencies were "just a phase" and that I'd grow out of them eventually, a person who couldn't even function outside of a relationship because I had been taught I was a woman and a woman is nothing without a man, a person who longed so badly to immerse myself in queer relationships and queer culture but couldn't because I believed in my heart that if I so much as thought about two men kissing I'd burst into flames,

To today, where I'm an openly awkward trans guy who just wants to write gay stories and drink coffee and enjoy the life I finally have now that I'm not spending all my free time knocking on doors and handing people shitty magazines.

Even my mom made a change, she was a MASSIVE homophobe even coming out of the religion, she referred to gay relationships as "grody," she never held back disgust when a gay couple were shown kissing on TV, she made every effort to be offensive towards queer folk and even when I was within a similar mindset I found her to be extreme about it, because we weren't supposed to hate the person, we were supposed to hate tha act.

And now, she reads all my books, yes, even the gay ones. She supports me. She was openly approving of Kai and Alan's relationship in my ExJW novel and gave me advice when writing it, she openly mocked the fictional homophobic Dad and stated how disgusting HE was, completely flipping her old comments on the head. She still doesn't "understand" what it means to be trans but she has stated she will support me no matter what and that's what's important to me.

Yes, Caleb's mom, people CAN change.

People CAN go from being self-hating forced homophobes into proud, loving people who acknowledge gay love is valid. I've seen it with my own eyes, and I can guarantee I will see it a million times more!

[mildmayfoxe]

big fan of your romance novel complaint posts (love to see a fellow hater living it up) but i’m also curious if there are any you would recommend? not looking for anything in particular, just would love to hear your thoughts as someone else with nitpicky reading habits and a taste for trash

ok hello. i left you hanging for a FULL week and for that i am sorry but i wanted to be able to have some time to sit down and type out a real answer to which the short version is YES of course there are several that i have enjoyed!! my disclaimer is that i almost solely read gay romance so if you are looking for lesbian or even straight reccs i don't have much for you (although i will put a couple at the end anyway). hopefully something in this list is interesting to you or at least interesting to someone else! links are mostly to goodreads. break bc i'm gonna write too much

-kj charles is one of my fave authors in this genre bc they're all pretty reliable and there's a ton of them. they're all historical fiction and usually there's at least one murder- she's good at keeping a plot going while developing a romance. often supernatural or magical elements. sometimes cults! i've read almost all of the books she's written and have enjoyed them all

-charlie adhara wrote a really incredible werewolf series that i loved, the first of which is the wolf at the door. this is one of the only series i've read which keeps the emotional stakes up through the whole thing & kept me interested in a relationship after it was established bc sooo many series get boring the second the leads get together. i actually read the first book of the spin-off series (a pack of lies) first which is technically possible but i don't recommend bc i was like "wow they're really throwing me in here. i love it" and then i read the first series and i was like "oh i was supposed to know all this stuff." but i actually liked the dynamic between that couple better and i'm suffering every day because the next one still doesn't come out til 2025 and i read it in 2022. also worth noting that this (the original series) is cops-ajacent (~federal special agents~) and one of the characters is really prejudiced at the beginning & imo doesn't have enough character growth before it's waved away but if you can ignore that it's really good. mysteries! werewolves!

-speaking of werewolves (i could suggest several but i'll keep it to two) tj klune's wolfsong ends up at the top of a lot of gay werewolf novel lists (i'm keeping tabs) and there's a good reason. i enjoyed it a lot. made me kind of sad which is always a good sign to me. the writing voice was very fresh and novel at first but i did find it a little grating by the end so i've put off starting the second book in the series (it's also about a different couple which was disappointing) but i will get around to it. i enjoy tj klune in general although his recent stuff has a very different vibe than this and lightning struck heart is very 2015 in a bad way imo

-bone rider by j fally is a standalone that really delighted me. the russian mob? aliens? vaguely western? possession? throuple? it's got it all. very fun

-ok speaking of westerns there's this other series called magic & steam (yes it's steampunk. sorry. it's very silly) that starts with the engineer. a federal agent is sent to a town to apprehend a ~madman engineer~ except he runs into an infamous outlaw in the process. and the outlaw is really sexy. and probably why i enjoyed the series so much. the series also keeps them apart a lot in a way that i enjoy- i love when things take a long time. it's ongoing so this is another one that i keep checking for updates on

-i've read a lot of stuff by nr walker and they tend to be VERY hit or miss for me but one of my faves is evolved which is almost pure smut. it's about a sex robot that gains sentience. what more do i need to say. she also wrote a three-book series about an amnesiac that made me cry cry cry. and her cowboy (australian rancher) series is pretty ok. i could go through a list and tell you which novels of hers aren't worth it and which ones are good; i've read most of them

-salt magic skin magic by lee welch was a big surprise to me. cool magic, good folklore, fairies in there too. historical. big kj charles vibes which makes sense bc she edited it. welch also wrote a book called seducing the sorcerer which i had more mixed feelings about but had magic in it that i think about OFTEN (the horses)- that one's about an imposing sorcerer and a rundown groom cum handyman. and they're in their FORTIES!!! 🥳🥳🥳 (i love when books are not about 23 year olds)

-another one with a magic system i enjoyed was magician by kl noone. this was the first book i read by this author and i liked it but generally i find their books are too "nice" for me. i'm in the middle of one right now that i started months and months ago that i keep trying to go back to and it's sooo rough for me. but this one and the twelfth enchantment are pretty ok

-emily tesh wrote a duology of silver in the wood and drowned country that i loved because i am suuuuch a sucker for a wild man/green man story. really good. haunting! evocative! kj charles has a green man story too which was actually the first thing i read of hers (spectred isle)

-i complained about the monsterfucker book i was reading a while back but despite that i will also recommend the series it's from: lily mayne's monstrous, which starts with soul eater. are they messy? yes. are they repetitive? yes. are the monsters usually disappointingly humanoid? yes. are a lot of them about the military? also yes. so we're starting off on a bad foot. but the world building is interesting and there's LOTS of kinds of monsters and most of them were pretty fun. the one i just read (#7) was the worst one of the bunch though imo. and i have problems with #6. but 1 2 and 5 were good

-ok i should do a quickfire round. honeytrap: about two enemy agents during the cold war. put it off for a long time bc i didn't love that but it takes place over a VERY long period of time which is always interesting to me. zero at the bone: about a hitman who needs to protect a witness to a mob hit. really strong start but fell off a bit in the middle to the end imo.

-you'll notice a lot of these have subgenres of like fantasy historical supernatural etc but here's some regular contemporaries. a lot of these are about sad guys bc those are my favorite. best laid plans: hardware store owner helps a guy fix his house. in the middle of somewhere: same author actually. guy moves to small town to work at a college. mr jingle bells: this is a christmas one. bad title. fake dating. part of the reason i think i liked it so much is because i expected it to be awful but it was actually pretty good. good emotional stakes. published 2021 but feels very 2014. ignore that part. work for it: i rated this five stars but actually don't remember much what it was like. i think they were both really sad which i love. give me big emotions and i eat them right up with a spoon. i should read it again

-OK now i've got some straight & lesbian options. talia hibbert's brown sisters series is good and cute. she also wrote work for it, above. the unhoneymooners is the first real Romance Novel that i read and it really surprised me because i had fun! previously i had kind of written off romance novels as not for me but this kicked off a reading habit that is still going strong (primarily reading romance novels). i read this in 2020 so it might not be as good as i remember. as for lesbian options olivia waite has a series that i enjoyed that's also historical, and a friend of mine really enjoyed delilah green doesn't care (but i haven't read that one myself). and while not really romances i will always be a sarah waters fan: you may recognize her as the author of fingersmith, which is the novel park chan-wook's movie the handmaiden is based on. if you haven't seen the movie or read the book i recommend both. her books are very dramatic lesbian historical fiction; they don't always have happy endings but they're all very good

ok i think that's the end! regular disclaimer that romance is generally not a genre notable for Good Writing so a lot of these are just things i had fun with or just stuck out in my memory for having fun conceits etc. i can't guarantee that any of these are actually good, especially because this is a list solely based on my own taste and bad memory. would love to hear anybody's thoughts and/or if anybody has recommendations for ME!!! this post took me over three hours to write! crazy!

[morethansky]

***THE ACOLYTE SPOILERS***

• Me, seconds before I could hear millions of thirsty voices crying out: Oh my god is a nymph-bathing thing about to happen, is he legitimately about to strip

• Sadly, unlike Osha, I am immune to the Stranger's practically full frontal, but the reveal of his little tied-back hair bits at the same time had me screaming into a pillow, so we all win.

• So the island was definitely meant to evoke Ahch-To, right? This was a very The Last Jedi episode (it even had the same mismatched pacing for the three storylines lmao), and the Kylo Ren theme was the most prominent it's been in the end credits. I think the theories about Qimir being a progenitor of the Ren are spot on. I like this quite a bit; it would be smart to build off of High Republic stuff while cementing Resistance-era lore. This would line up with the Bad Batch building off of the Clone Wars stuff while cementing Resistance-era lore. I also personally find it a bit boring that Bane's lineage is laid out all neatly and am particularly interested in darksiders being outside of it. And it would mean the show is drawing even more from the books and comics, which I'm always in favor of. And fun fact, my second-ever SW fic was based on the Rise of Kylo Ren comics!

• But ALSO, given that they clearly showed the cortosis vein, it also evokes Bal'demnic, the planet where Plagueis kills Tenebrous omg??? Not to be an annoying fanboy, but I adore the Darth Plagueis novel and we're apparently supposed to see two additional Sith Lords before the season ends somehow??? And in the novel, Tenebrous secretly trains multiple apprentices. I could totally see the season ending with Qimir suffering a vague fate and an extremely brief Tenebrous appearance that leaves the door open for a season 2 big bad. That David Harewood casting rumor is too delicious to be fake!

• On that note, since episode 2, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how when we're introduced to Qimir, he's sleeping, and he's awoken by Mae, who is now confirmed to have been his apprentice. Which is notably how Palpatine kills Plagueis. It just feels so much like a neat little allusion to me.

• Did this episode not have such Mend This Old Wound vibes?? Waking up in your enemy's lair, finding out your wounds were tended to by him, realizing he really wants to convert you, discovering he doesn't find you a threat, being surprised by his vulnerability, being surprised by what of his past and his inner self he's willing to divulge. Tbh I hadn't even realized how tropey those elements were until I watched this lmao.

• Sadly, despite my lifelong love for enemies-to-lovers stories, I don't vibe with a lot of M/F ships, bad boy/good girl ones especially. I'm happy for the Oshmir shippers, though, and at least it's happening in a story created by a queer woman, so hopefully it'll be done tastefully. Hmm... Perhaps if I genderbent Qimir I could get behind writing something, and then the seduction to the dark side would be strengthened by the queer metaphor...

• BUT ALSO YOOO OSHA/JECKI CONFIRMED???? And after Dafne Keen confirmed that she played Jecki as having a crush on Osha?? Y'all, Osha was TOTALLY floating the idea of asking Jecki out on a date with that whole "the next time I'm on Coruscant" thing, oh my goddd. The gays continue to be buried, but at least they exist, and I guess at least everyone else is buried, too?

• I love that we got a quiet moment of Sol grieving because finally there was nobody watching and he couldn't hold it together any longer. This is what I was begging for the entire run of the Bad Batch. Wonderfully acted, too. Lee Jung-Jae's expression work is so good, and I love the long, lingering shot and how you see the tears well up gradually.

• I love when actors have to act as characters acting, and Amandla Stenberg was already acting as two different characters that they had to keep distinct from each other, but in this episode, they had to act as one of their characters acting as the other character lmao. Incredible.

• Halfway through this episode I was like, why does it feel like we're getting blueballed for information omfg. We're definitely getting the second Brendok flashback episode next week, and obviously they had to keep it at the forefront of the viewers' minds without giving it away, but I feel like structurally they could've lined this up in a different way that didn't just reveal nothing in order to kick the can down the road lol. I guess this is a pretty classic issue in mysteries.

• I've been deeply confused as to why there's been so much Jedi-good/Jedi-bad discourse lately, but I don't see them as firmly in either court and that to me feels like the entire point of the part they play in the story?? Which is why I always love seeing the tension in the Jedi-Senate relationship and the way the political machinations play out, especially when Palpatine's not involved (at least overtly).

So I really liked Vernestra's conversation with the senator and the line about the Jedi always being transparent so an audit shouldn't be an issue and how the show clearly illustrates that that's not remotely true. Which is also really interesting because we have Sol doing a cover-up, possibly him and the other three Jedi who were Brendok doing a different cover-up, and also Vernestra, who doesn't know about what happened on Brendok or what Sol is hiding, clearly looking uncomfortable at the suggestion that the Jedi are transparent, pointing to other things they (or she specifically) haven't been disclosing.

I'm a sucker for political corruption in stories and when well-meaning people's hands are tied, so I'm eating it up. And of course I love how they're setting up the Jedi's fall from grace and building out context for why and how they would walk into Palpatine's trap.

• Qimir talking about being a Jedi a very long time ago is very intriguing. Upon seeing his scar, my first thought was Force lightning and that he was talking about being abandoned by a Sith master. But with Vernestra's whip making an appearance that doesn't add anything to the story otherwise, the show is clearly presenting it as the cause of the scar?? Which is VERY interesting.

• Mog's suggestion that Sol killed all the Jedi made my jaw drop because why would they even speak this outrageous idea into existence if it doesn't have truth to it in some way??? Like oh shit, that's REALLY fun. Has Sol killed Jedi before? Would he? Are the other Jedi wary of him? Do they feel the same way about the other three Jedi who were on Brendok? Mog specifically notes that Sol is very powerful. We already saw this with him going up against Qimir and surviving, so why this line?

• Sol was already my favorite character from the start just with how warm he was and how full of regret and how much he clearly loved Osha even though he wasn't supposed to, and every episode has drawn the darkness simmering within him closer to the surface, which brings him even closer to the kind of character I'm particularly fond of, so I'm very, very interested in where the show takes him. I don’t know if they could really swing Sith Master Sol, but Lee Jung-Jae sure as hell could act it.

• Can I just say, the writing for this show is definitely wobbly, but I at least appreciate that showrunner Leslye Headland has a refreshing understanding of story mechanics, even if she might love foils a little too much (and this is coming from a total foil whore). What she said about a good plot twist being built up so that the viewer realizes what's about to happen just before it's fulfilled instead of coming out of nowhere and being a total shock literally made me pump my fist because I've been complaining about the internet's poor understanding of this concept for literal years!! And the way she talked about how when you watch Jecki die, you want her to move out of the way so you can see the Stranger's face, and how in thinking that you've betrayed her and in a way become complicit in her death, is SO good.

• It's too bad all live-action Star Wars ever is doomed to have mediocre dialogue. But at least these things make me feel fairly confident in having high hopes for the Brendok reveal. And regardless of what happens, I am so excited to see goddess Mother Aniseya again next episode, omg omg!!!

[oldiesstationlover11607]

*In SpongeBob’s voice* 🧽Hi. How are ya?🧽

The amount of joy that surged through my body when I saw that the sponge was yellow is indescribable. Anyways, hi. What up? It’s me 💛, back at it again with another request! You went above and beyond with the last Torchbearer story btw! Like, honestly, novel worthy in my eyes. It was so good and the ANGST!!! And I like the cliffhanger ending. Gives you places to go if you so choose, but also can keep it just as a one part story and the reader can sort of extrapolate what happens next.

So, I come to you with a new request. It’s Josh (Josh-Josh this time. Not one of his incredibly neglected lore characters. Have no fear). Idk if this is too similar to something else you have written (disregard if it is), but I was wondering if you could write a fluffy one shot about the first time Josh introduces the reader (his girlfriend) to Tyler and Tyler makes it his mission to bring up any embarrassing story about Josh that he can just to mess with him. Josh gets all flustered and stuff, but the reader loves it. Idk. I just feel like Tyler would do something like that.

Tease - Josh Dun x Reader

Relationship: Josh × Reader + Tyler!!

Warnings: none - fluff

Word Count: 1056

A/N: HOPE YOU LIKE THIS!! I'm using it for bandito battle bc I love how it shows off their friendship and it's nice a short!

Josh had been raving about Tyler since the day we met and for a while I thought they were dating. He thought it was a good idea to disregard the fact Tyler had been married for a year and describe him as ‘handsome, talented, and the coolest person he’d ever met’. It wasn’t until we hung out at a local park that he confessed he liked me. I admitted I thought he was gay–let’s just say that was a fun conversation. We’d been dating for about a month when he deemed me worthy of meeting his lord and savior Tyler Joseph. We’d agreed to meet at a diner close to our house–some fake 50s themed place which Josh claimed had the best milkshakes despite the fact I was severely lactose intolerant. Josh had been jittery all day about this meeting. I caught him pacing in the kitchen at least three times, mumbling things like, “What if he says something stupid?” and “Maybe I should cancel.” But I reassured him with every step, telling him Tyler was probably just as excited to meet me as I was to meet him. We walked into the diner, the bell above the door chiming, and there he was—Tyler Joseph in the flesh, sitting in a booth with his arm draped over the backrest like he owned the place. He glanced up from the menu, a smirk already forming when he saw us approaching.

“Josh! Dude, finally!” Tyler stood and gave Josh a bro hug, patting him on the back with a little too much force. Then he turned to me, his smile widening. “You must be the famous girlfriend.”

I laughed. “Famous, huh? He’s been talking me up?”

“Non-stop,” Tyler replied, sliding back into the booth. 

“I’m assuming he’s told you I thought you two were dating?” I chuckled.

“Yup,” he laughed, “But don’t worry, I’ve got some even more embarrassing stories about him.”

Josh groaned, sitting beside me. “Ty, please, not today.”

Tyler gave him a mischievous look. “Remember that time at the festival, Josh? You were supposed to hop on our tour bus, but you got on the wrong one and ended up at a completely different venue. Man, that was priceless. We didn't even know you were missing until you sent that frantic text from some random band’s bus.”

I giggled, looking at Josh, who was already turning red. “Seriously?”

“It wasn’t that bad…” Josh muttered, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, yes it was. You should’ve seen the look on his face when he realized. And have you seen that video of him in a blonde wig? He made it with some old friends on iMovie.” Tyler leaned in conspiratorially, eyes gleaming. 

“He didn’t.” I burst out laughing at that. “A blonde wig? Really?”

Josh buried his face in his hands, clearly embarrassed but smiling underneath it all. “Tyler, you’re killing me here.”

Tyler just grinned wider. “Hey, she needs to know the full Josh Dun experience.” Then he shot me a wink. “Trust me, it’s worth it.”

I could feel Josh squirming beside me, half-laughing, half-pleading with Tyler to stop. But the teasing wasn’t over yet.

Tyler leaned back, tapping his chin as if deep in thought. “Oh! How could I forget? The YouTube Bible readings! Have you seen them?”

Josh groaned louder this time, his head falling back against the booth in defeat. “No, Tyler, don’t.”

“What?” Tyler asked, feigning innocence. “I think they’re inspirational. You looked so serious, man, like you were auditioning for a role in a biblical drama. And that shaky camera work? A true classic.”

Josh peeked at me through his fingers, his face practically glowing red. “I swear they were for a good cause.”

I laughed, patting his arm. “I bet they were. We’ll have to check those out on movie night.”

Tyler’s grin turned devilish as he added, “I’ll send you the links. Honestly, it’s prime content.”

Josh let out a loud, exaggerated sigh, trying to hide his smile behind his hand. “Why did I bring you here again?”

“Because I’m your best friend and you love me,” Tyler said, not missing a beat. He took a sip from his milkshake, watching us with amusement. “You know, you got yourself a good one here,” he continued, looking at me now. “Josh has been over the moon since you guys started dating.”

Josh looked up, his cheeks still a bit pink, but his expression softened. “Well, I’m pretty lucky too.”

Tyler made a gagging motion. “Ugh, gross. But sweet. I’ll allow it.” He glanced at me again, a playful glint in his eyes. “Just make sure you remind him every now and then that he’s a dork, okay?”

I grinned. “Oh, don’t worry. I think I’ve got that covered.”

Josh chuckled, finally relaxing a bit as he reached for my hand under the table. “Yeah, she definitely does.”

Tyler clapped his hands together dramatically. “Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s order some food.”

The rest of the night was filled with more jokes, teasing, and stories—this time with Josh doing his fair share of dishing it back to Tyler. But even through the laughter and light-hearted banter, I could see how much they cared for each other. Tyler's endless teasing was more than just poking fun at Josh—it was a way of showing just how close they were, how deep their bond went.

As we left the diner, Josh laced his fingers with mine, a soft smile playing on his lips. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

I squeezed his hand. “Not bad at all. Actually, I think I love you a little more now.”

Josh raised an eyebrow, his smile growing. “Because Tyler embarrassed me?”

“Exactly.”

He shook his head, laughing as we headed toward the car. “Great. Remind me never to let you two gang up on me again.”

“No promises,” I said with a grin.

Tyler called out behind us, “Next time, I’ll bring the blonde wig and we can make a part two to that movie!”

Josh groaned, but I could tell he was happy. And as we drove home, I knew I’d just witnessed something special—this crazy, hilarious, wonderful friendship between two guys who would always have each other’s backs, no matter how many embarrassing stories they dragged up along the way.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

Tags for bandito battle:

@banditobattlemotherfuckers @the-paladin-gay

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/5/2024: INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994)

I'm sorry, but this movie fucking sucks. I hadn't seen it in decades and I thought it was probably "OK"; I devoured the books as a kid and I didn't remember hating the film, but I should have realized that it was a red flag that I didn't love it. I have now discovered that it's bad enough that it failed to thrill me when I was a morose little horror dork who was really the target audience, and as an adult I can hardly stand it.

Daniel Molloy (Christian Slater, dressed up as Art Spiegelman for some reason) interviews for-realsies vampire Louis (Brad Pitt, still looking like he spends a lot of time in the sun) about life with his master Lestat (Tom Cruise, who knows why) and their eternally-childlike daughter Claudia (poor li'l Kirsten Dunst). Suddenly I feel like I don't know what to say about this, as I'm writing, even though I enjoyed the book and also the superior-in-every-single-way TV show. You know. Louis is really sad about being a monster. Lestat is really happy about being a monster. Claudia is really mad about being a monster. They have interpersonal problems. Later they meet some other vampires, and have interpersonal problems with them. At the end Louis is angry with Daniel for not getting the point, but maybe neither did I.

To some degree the problems of the movie are the problems of the book, but on the page they're basically forgivable for various reasons. I'm probably not going to refresh my memory, but as I recall Anne Rise has a way of really drawing you into her world, which is so literally-sensational that it makes up for her boy-crazy humorlessness. Everybody basically has one characteristic, outlined above, but the visceral pleasure of the prose takes over--and to be totally fair, it was novel at the time. It was the vampire story we had all been waiting to hear. (Ok, so the book is from 1978 but it still felt fresh in 1994) But when you port all that to the screen and leave the telling to these actors who are almost universally miscast, it all just lies there, dead.

I thought my hesitation about rewatching this was related to my petty aversion to Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise specifically. I really don't enjoy either of them in general, and I also felt like they were profoundly wrong for the roles; neither of them could be less goth, less tortured, less otherworldly. It feels criminal to fill these classic queer outsider roles with alpha males who seem like they would have beaten up your weird gay friends in high school, and their performances are not remotely good enough to make up for this impression. Kirsten Dunst is perfectly awful but like...you just can't have a 12 year old playing a person who is any older than 12. It cannot work. It's not her fault, it's just a bad idea.

The only guy who is any good at all in this is Stephen Rea, a staple of director Neil Jordan's films, who I almost didn't even recognize because his Santiago is so uncanny and dynamic and fun despite having very little to do. I love the way his look references LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT, it made me wonder how much more could have been done by subtly comparing Rice's vampires with their cultural predecessors. Rea lights up every scene he's in because he's so mischievous and unpredictable, and he's also almost the only person with any standout stunts--which helps me segue into the other main gripe I had with this movie, that it is incredibly stiff and static. It's like a prison. Everyone is totally weighed down by their giant ridiculous wigs and seven layer costumes, so even though the movie is supposed to be all sensual and shit, it's like nobody can even move.

Dealing with INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE is making me realize that I'm not quite sure what I think about Neil Jordan. I have this kneejerk reaction that he is Great because THE CRYING GAME is such an institution, and MONA LISA is real good too, but I might have found all of his other movies kind of humorless and stiff and like, beautiful but not altogether meaningful. I really struggle with THE COMPANY OF WOLVES because of its terrific FX and handful of fun scenes, but there is something about it that fails to connect with me. Sometimes it's overly pretentious, I mean paralleling a maiden's coming of age with the blood on the white roses is like...pretty gross, dude. But overall there is something about it that just lacks substance, despite its relentless and oppressive Symbolism. It seems like this problem should have been smoothed out for INTERVIEW since it was shot from Anne Rice's own script, but according to me, it really does not work out.

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

on an outsiders kick so heres the main gang as things me and my friends have said

Soda: Your wish is my command. Be gay forever

Steve: I'm still straight but I'd fuck you now

Soda: Not that gay

--

Darry: I dont really like you. Why are you always hanging around?

Dally: I ask myself the same thing every single day

--

Pony: I know we're supposed to be saying embarrassing things about ourselves but before we talk about me i'm really upset Two-Bit didnt mention the fact that he was in love with thomas the train

Two-Bit: i watched ONE episode when i was FIVE go fuck yourself

Pony: You have a shrine by your bed

Two-Bit: irrelevant

--

Johnny: I'm not really scared of anything, no

Johnny: but cats freak me out. and so do dogs, sometimes, but mainly cats. and especially ducks. oh, and needles, and doctors in general. also loud noises, sharp objects near me, any sort of projectile, and stoves. but like, thats not that many things

Dally: I understand so much about you now

--

Pony: I'm going to write a novel and all of you are gonna have characters based off you. Any questions about it?

Two-Bit: Am I hot?

Pony: No. Next question

Darry: Am I going to regret reading this?

Pony: For sure. Next.

Johnny: Please dont make me a crybaby

Pony: You shouldnt read this. Next

Steve: Can me and Soda date?

Pony: You already are. Next

Soda: Can me and Steve not date?

Pony: Too late. You know you love him. Next

Dally: You're going to make my character really deep, arent you?

Pony: Possibly. Havent decided yet. Anything else?

Johnny: Is Dally as hot in the book as he really is?

Pony: I'll no longer be taking questions because I'm extremely uncomfortable, but on second thought, you might really like this book

--

Two-Bit, upon walking in on Steve and Soda cuddling: I leave for FIVE minutes and i'm left out of fucking everything. all the fucking time. i hate everyone in this house

Steve: Do you want to lay with us?

Soda: Yeah, come lay with us

Two-Bit, practically dropping himself on them: I'm still mad at you

--

Dally: For some reason Ponyboy is really obsessed with the idea of me being really soft inside and just not showing it so I dont get hurt. I think he wants me to be narrative foils with our other friend too

Dally: How do i tell him i'd change the narrative doom him if i could and feel no remorse without crushing that hope in him

--

Pony: I like to think its a secret but me and everyone around me knows im writing a slowburn, hes only soft to him trope, slight enemies to lovers fanfiction about Johnny and Dally in my head

Dally: the term fanfiction implies i have fans

Johnny: i'm a fan of you

Pony, whispering: they practically write it themselves

--

Dally: Here, i stole this. dont ask questions, just take it

Darry, taking the sleeping pigeon that Dally just handed him with a mildly horrified expression: where did you get this?

Dally: i told you i'd bring back souvenirs from my field trip. no more questions

--

Johnny: Not many people like me.

Johnny: its probably because im kind of a pussy, but i like to tell myself its because i'm annoying because at least then im not calling myself a pussy

Dally: Wait, wait. Who doesnt like you?

Johnny: Huh? Why does it matter?

Dally: No reason. Just, like, give me an example

Pony, in the kitchen and hears all of this: *puts the knives in the cabinet where Dally wont look for them* I dont really want to have to bail anyone out again

--

Soda, to Darry: I think Steve is kind of in love with me, but I really dont want to have to break it to him that I dont feel the same

Steve, with Soda in his lap: *stops playing with Sodas hair* What?

Soda: Nothing, baby, you're fine

Darry: I will never understand you

--

yes, one of my friends did bring a live pigeon back from a field trip. it slept a lot, and we'd hold him all the time while he slept and he'd stay asleep when we passed him around because we had to move. i hope he wasnt sick and is doing okay

[lexicals]

Aaaa okay I've finished the novels now too. Gonna put my thoughts down on them and how they compare to the tv version

So overall I think I like the novels better, the interiority you gain from the format adds a lot I think and it definitely benefits from not having to hold back on things like the gorey side of the supernatural elements (and yes, the gay as hell elements). I think that same lack of restraint in the writing adds a lot more comedy - while I thought the tv version was very funny, I found the books hilarious, and I think a lot of that is down to not having to pull punches on how outrageous wei wuxian gets to act, which is the core of the comedy so much of the time. I also felt that the ending was a lot more coherent, which makes sense given how much was cut out of it for the tv version, and obviously it's nice to have a confirmed post-canon marriage and continued adventures! The post-story cases were a lot of fun, I think some of my favourite parts were getting to see the two of them interact with their little gaggle of juniors and help guide them, it's very sweet.

As for criticisms, I have to be honest, the more mature scenes really weren't for me. I wasn't a fan of the blurry lines of consent (it felt like the aim was consensual non-consent, but... it still didn't sit right, especially some of the dream sequence stuff) and a lot of it felt fetishising to me, but then I suppose it's something to be expected from the genre, so I can't complain too much about it. I liked the fact that the in-universe homophobia was acknowledged and taken into consideration, but sometimes it felt like it was being played for titillation rather than taken seriously - again, though, genre conventions. It also felt like there was an underlying tone of colourism to the character descriptions, but honestly you could probably level that critique at the tv version as well. These were things that soured the experience a bit for me, but the overall read was still positive, and I did really enjoy the story even despite knowing what was going to happen already. It's a good tragedy when you're reading along thinking "maybe it won't happen this time" lol.

I find myself a bit confused as to what wei wuxian's actual cause of death was - obviously the tv version makes it very clear cut, but the book only calls it "spiritual rebound" and doesn't really elaborate or directly show anything from after the massacre, so it felt a bit vague. I suppose the idea is that he lost control during the siege and was torn apart by his own power? Not sure if I've missed something there or if it's just not very clear. It's not a huge annoyance but I was a bit surprised they didn't get into it more than passingly.

Anyway overall it was a really good read, and now I get to go read all the good fic that's out there :3 It's even poked my writing itch a little which hasn't happened in ages - idk if I'll actually follow through with it or just keep my musings to myself, but it's nice to have a nice big brain space to play in after a long time of not having one. I'm glad I finally got around to this after seeing other people talking about it for such a long time, it's been a while since I had a series grab me like this so it's been a lot of fun.

[jakeluppin]

a couple asks ago, you said "whenever I start working on my novel, the first song I listen to is Pin" and now i'm super curious about your novel!! care to share any details??

okay so i have two (well, i have like twenty i've done bits on since i started writing but two that are still somewhat being worked on now) but one of them is barely anything beyond a rough idea so i'll focus on the one that's more legit

i wrote about 90% of a first draft (about 60K) and then realized there were some fundamental issues with it so i started over

i have about 16K done of my new draft, some of which is brand new and some of which is revised from the first

it's a ya romance because that's where my heart has always been

for main characters we have (which as i'm writing these i realize i am So Bad at describing characters in this way whoops):

jake - jewish trans guys who is only out to his older sister (rachel). at this point, their parents are gone/dead (i've been back and forth on exactly what went down) so rachel's raising him. he's been in love with his best friend (caleb) since basically forever. he does stage crew for his school's theater department.

caleb - jake's best friend. he's gay. he has a crush on their mutual friend peter. he's one of those people who are just so loving that it's so easily to just get lost in. but also a total dick at the same time?

peter - he's really into theater, always in every production, which is how jake and peter met. just before the story starts peter and caleb were running lines for something and peter kisses caleb. described by other characters as being the nicest person you've ever met.

and then there's asher - his family just moved to town as his mom is the new cantor at jake's synagogue. he's also into theater and auditions for the fall musical, alongside peter. jake and caleb are there watching and jake hears him sing and is like. oh. shit. i'm in love. it's not revealed until midway through the book but asher is also a trans guy.

it's basically just a coming of age love story where jake finds himself and love and it's just really gay and jewish and probably very self indulgent but who cares?

oh also i have switched which musical they do multiple times for various reasons and right now it's Newsies but it may change again. but obviously asher, my beloved, is cast as davey jacobs so it is pretty perfect in that regard

gonna just throw some random lines/short scenes from draft two under the cut because i can. feel free to not read them haha

“You can’t seriously be doing homework now,” Caleb scoffs a moment later. 

I look up from my assignment and just shrug. “I’m simply not as invested in this as you are,” I offer.

“But you should be. For me. This is an important moment in my love life.”

I chuckle. “I love you, Caleb, but I think overall if I was as invested in your love life as you are, that would be a little weird.”

“Nope. I’m pretty sure it’s in the best friend manual that you’re supposed to care about it as much as I do. Sometimes maybe even more.”

“Can I have a copy of this best friend manual? I want to check the exact wording on that.”

“Sorry, only one copy was made and I keep it under lock and key.” Caleb smiles bright, and I roll my eyes in response.

--

“But seriously, you were amazing at your audition. I’m not just saying that or anything.”

“Thanks. I grew up singing. I think my mom might have disowned me if I didn’t end up with a good voice.”

“Really?” 

Asher laughs again. “Wow, you are gullible or I am not as funny as I think I am. But no, my mom would not have disowned me if I didn’t have a good voice.”

It’s this moment that Rabbi Finkle steps out of her office and says, “Asher, don’t lie. No self respecting cantor could stand to have unmusical children, just like I couldn’t stand to have children who do anything but read torah all day.” She smiles at us both, light in her eyes.

“Isn’t your oldest an atheist?” I ask.

“Yes, but he still reads torah ever day.” She laughs.

--

“So how was it?” I ask, sliding in Caleb’s car. He smiles wide as he turns to face me.

“Peter was amazing. Obviously. There’s something just, sexy about watching a guy dance.” He pauses, sighing, and then says, “I’m really gay.”

I laugh. “Really? I had no idea!”

“Yeah, not like I told you for the first time when we were like, nine or something.”

“Oh yeah, that definitely never happened.” 

Caleb chuckles and drives off. 

I can vividly remember when Caleb came out, the emotions so strong they stay pressed in mind. I can remember his fear, his hesitation, as he told me in a small voice that he liked boys. I can remember the confusion, not understanding what he meant, not sure what that meant for me. I can remember the happiness and his smile when I said there was nothing wrong with him “like liking” boys. I remember the ache I felt, when after telling him I like boys too, he told me “girls are supposed to like boys.” That ache I didn’t understand, that ache I couldn’t place for years, that ache that would come when Caleb would refer to me as a girl. 

“Were you scared telling me?” I ask a few minutes later, even though I know the fundamental answer.

“Of course,” he says. “I was nine. I was gay. And you were my best friend. Why wouldn’t I be afraid?” 

I nod in agreement. It’s something that, of course, I can understand. Just the thought of it causes anxiety to crawl up skin, pulling tight at my throat. It stops me from saying the things I want to say, things I know I need to say. The things I can’t imagine ever actually telling him.

Like: I’m in love with you.

Like: I’m trans.

Like: Yes. That means I’m guy. Which, if you remember the I love you part, would make me gay too. Or bi. Not totally sure about that yet.

Like: Main point being, I want to be with you and date you and I know you probably don’t or won’t ever see me as anything but your girl best friend but maybe you could. 

Yeah. Probably a good thing I’m not saying any of that.

--

“...Honestly, the challah was so good and reminded me of mom’s that I had a breakdown. Standard stuff, ya know. Who doesn’t have breakdowns over delicious Jewish foods?”

“Are you even Jewish if you don’t have breakdowns over delicious Jewish food?” Asher counters.

[eisforeidolon]

In regards to that post [X]:

We could talk about the same old fallacies - OMG, Dean's siren is a guy! Yeah, a brother. OMG, Dean was supposed to say I love you in the Crypt scene! Yeah, it was removed and replaced with what the writer explicitly said was the less OOC version of what he meant anyway, "We're family". We could talk about the blatant absurdity of statements like "Dean liked men it happened on my screen" which bear no resemblance to the SPN that aired. But we've done that before and others have got this reiteration of it well covered.

So I wanna focus for the moment on this particular even more repulsive gem: "Like he literally doesn't need to verbally tell us he's bisexual we just know. He may not know but we do. This is an unmovable fact sorry."

It tells us a few things. One, this person is a fucking idiot. Two, this person, yet again, thinks that ~*interpreting*~ sexuality from the way someone looks/stands/makes eye contact/eats pastry/whatever numbnuts conspiracy bullshit you like? Is more valid than how a character identifies and is identified by those who created him. People can just look at you and know what your sexuality is better than you do, there's nothing repulsive about that idea at all! I've got a mountain of shiny pennies that says if Dean had literally never interacted with a man for the entire span of the series, they would have insisted it was because he was so afraid of how much he wanted to fuck them. There was no way the writers could have written Dean that someone like that would have accepted as actually heterosexual, because that's not what they personally wanted, so that's not what they were going to see.

I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how relatively questionable some of the gay jokes in SPN are, especially in the early years in terms of making queerness a punchline. But if we're going to talk about that? We need to do it not only in the cultural context of 2005 rather than 2023, but in the context of portrayals of real world men - and particularly those in fairly rural settings who aren't going to be particularly conscientious in the way they rib each other. Which becomes a whole other discussion about where to draw lines when you're writing fiction and dealing with things that might be realistic but also potentially offensive.

Furthermore, I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how SPN continually used romantic tropes for platonic relationships and how it's not entirely absurd for that to land different with the audience when the characters are not blood-related. Except that discussion needs to include not just how maybe the writers shouldn't have treated it as such a joke that a relationship between two male characters might have been possible, but also how fans should absolutely not have equated a relationship being theoretically possible with any specific relationship they wanted being owed to them. Especially in the context of those romantic tropes being used so so so much more between brothers all the fucking time setting the tone. As well as how it's not just problematic to treat the possibility of homosexual relationships as a joke, but problematic to insist literally any closeness between two male entities is gay, reinforcing all kinds of nasty toxic stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity which underlay a lot of modern adult men's issues with expressing their emotions and having genuinely close and open relationships outside of their romantic partners. I've seen fans wonder how heterosexual dudes can watch this show and love the brothers' relationship without seemingly noticing the weird undertones of how claustrophobically intertwined they are, and I think it's very much that when it comes to wanting a fantasy of platonic closeness, they're looking for realism as much as most women reading trashy romance novels are - but that's a whole other digression and this is already too long.

At the end of the day, not only was SPN not created in the cultural context of Very Online Tumbrites in 2023, convinced that nothing should ever be is heterosexual and every fictional story should be about them and what they want? The fact their ostensible original point misses is the real world and most other media of 2023 aren't like that either! Some of these shippers come across like they've literally never seen two adult male friends interact with each other or any actual love stories in media - and it's not just early 2000's television characters getting this treatment from entitled shippers who want to use representation as a weapon against creators as to why they're owed things they absolutely aren't.