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justpottytime · 3 years ago

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OK, I'm finally gonna do it! I'm using @omowritingprompts omo questionnaire - I'm sorry I can't link the actual post, I don't know how on mobile, but you'll find it on their blog! I'm answering the questions for my OC Kyder - she's a D&D high elf, and a guard captain working in a castle, so her time period is very much 'medieval but with magic', and a few things have been handwaved for convenience!

TW for several mentions of trauma and abuse!

general / casual (regular everyday peeing behavior lol)

1. What’s their preferred place to pee? (bathroom, outside, container…etc.)

Wherever it would generally be considered 'socially acceptable', so most of the time for her, that would be a toilet or a chamber pot.

2. Do they prefer to pee standing up or sitting / squatting? At home or in public?

Sitting if possible, but if she has to do it outside, she hates the vulnerability of having to squat down - though as she's AFAB, she always assumed she had to. Her friend is currently trying to teach her how to pee standing up while they're outside, and while she's not very good at it yet, she definitely prefers it.

3. Can they aim well (or at all)? Which hand do they use? Both? None?

She hasn't gotten that far yet in learning to go while standing up, so she usually ends up with a bit of a mess down her legs, which she definitely doesn't like. It's a work in progress!

4. Are they vocal or quiet? Do they get chatty if there are people around?

She's VERY quiet apart from the occasional sigh if she was holding a lot. If there are other people around then depending on who they are, forget chatty, she's not likely to be able to pee at all!

5. Do they have any unusual bathroom habits? (whistling, leaning against the wall, pants all the way down when standing, looking at memes on their phone, etc.)

She can get pee-shy when she's feeling anxious over something, and when that happens, she often needs to stim to make herself relax. She mostly does this by fidgeting with the hem of her clothes, either rubbing the material between her thumb and finger, or gently twisting and pulling at it. The repetitive motion of her hands gives her brain something else to focus on, and it will often prompt her muscles to relax because she isn't thinking about what she's trying to do anymore.

6. Do they take their time or do they try to get done as quickly as possible?

She always tries to be as quick as possible, especially while she's working, because she doesn't want anyone to come looking for her and find out where she was.

7. Are they pee-shy? Do they get embarrassed? If yes, in what situation and by what? (the sight? the noise? people knowing they have bodily functions?) In front of whom?

As mentioned above, she's definitely pee-shy, caused by traumatic memories from her childhood (I'll give more detail later in the questionnaire) and it's now very tightly tied to her anxiety. She HATES people knowing she has bodily functions and will constantly try to hide it, to the point that the people she's closest with often have to work with her on getting her to tell them when she needs to go, to prevent accidents or waiting longer than necessary. If she has to pee with someone else around, she can only do it if it's someone she feels safe with, and she still often gets embarrassed by the noise. Her partner often counteracted this by mumbling a lot of praise and sweet nothings whenever he had to help her, which both covered the sound and soothed a lot of her anxiety.

8. Do they prefer to go in groups or do they want to be alone / need privacy.

Around people she doesn't know or trust, she'd much rather be completely alone. Around someone that she trusts and feels safe with, she might actively ask them to stay with her and help, depending on how bad her anxiety is or what position she's in - she still needs help to balance if she's trying to pee standing up.

9. If they use the men’s room, stall or urinal? Do they stick to the unwritten bathroom etiquette? (no talking, no looking over, leaving a urinal gap, etc.)

Not applicable, she's cis AFAB and the bathrooms aren't separated by gender during this time period anyway. She only pees standing up when she's doing it outside.

10. Do they refuse to use certain bathrooms? (too dirty, too crowded, wrong type of toilets?)

She'll sometimes try to hold it if there are too many people around/near the bathroom and she doesn't think she'll be able to make herself relax. She tries not to appear bothered if the toilet is too dirty out of a fear of seeming stuck-up, but it bothers her more than she'll admit.

11. Have they ever peed in the pool (except as a baby)? On purpose or not?

No, though she doesn't get much chance to go swimming considering where she is, but she would never do it on purpose and do her best to avoid an accident.

12. Do they pee in the shower / bath and would they admit it if someone asked?

Again, she would try very hard not to do that, mostly just because she knows you're not 'supposed' to go there. If she somehow did end up peeing in the bath/shower and someone asked her about it though, she would deny it completely - not that she's a very good liar...

13. Have they ever locked someone out of a bathroom / kept them from going?

Not intentionally, but there's certainly been times where she was struggling to relax enough to let go, and it kept someone waiting uncomfortably.

14. Have they ever peed in the opposite gender bathroom? (if applicable)

Again, bathrooms usually aren't separated by gender during this time period, most of the time it's just a single room. If they were though, she would utterly refuse to use the opposite gender's bathroom, and the suggestion would probably make her pretty anxious. The main reason for this is due to her being autistic, which obviously can't be diagnosed in her time period, and she was frequently scolded throughout her life for being unaware of unspoken social rules and inevitably breaking them by accident. As such, the idea of breaking the few social rules she DOES know would terrify her, as she still expects punishment for it.

15. Are they okay with or used to peeing outside? Do they do it often?

She doesn't exactly like it, but it's a necessity with her work. She usually needs a bit of help though, either with reassurance or to balance if she's trying to pee standing up. If she has to do it on her own, particularly around others, she'll often get rather upset.

desperation / wetting (yk, the actual omo stuff)

16. How do they say “I have to pee”? Are they blunt? Do they use weird euphemisms? Do they get offended if someone uses certain terms around them?

She HATES having to say it, and will usually avoid it at all costs. It's normally easier to have someone just ask if she has to go, as embarrassing as that always is, but obviously she can't always rely on that. If she's with someone she trusts, she'll often have some kind of code word or phrase that they'll know means it's time to find a bathroom if possible, but no-one else will know the meaning of. It makes her feel slightly safer, just about enough to get the words out.

17. What are some “tells” that they have to go? Who can tell first if they don’t speak up?

She tends to fidget and squirm and look rather nervous, and she'll often seem distracted. Usually only her partner or closest friends know what her squirming looks like, and can often tell before it becomes obvious pee-squirming (if only because they've learned to pay attention and look for it).

18. If someone asks if they have to go and they do, do they admit or deny it? Do they play it down as much as they can or do they exaggerate on purpose?

If it's someone she's comfortable around and willing to accept help from, she'll usually admit it and try to be honest about how bad it is, if only to avoid an accident. The exception to this is if she knows she won't be able to go anytime soon, in which case she might deny it so as not to stress out whoever asked - she feels guilty enough about needing help like this, she doesn't want to make them panic if there's nothing that either of them can do about it.

19. How do they act when they’re desperate? Do they get angry? Do they squirm a lot or do they freeze up? Do they get quieter or do they talk more than usual?

As mentioned above, she gets squirmy, quiet and distracted, and it often makes her nervousness worse.

20. How do they act when someone else is desperate in their vicinity? Do they try to help them? Are they successful or do they accidentally make it worse?

Surprisingly, she's better at dealing with this with other people than with herself. She'll do her best to help and keep them both calm, and try to find them somewhere to go. While she won't suggest anything that might be 'inappropriate' to go in, she also won't stop the desperate person if they suggest it - unless there will be immediate negative consequences, like someone scolding them or the sound giving away where they are.

21. How do they like to be treated when they have to go? Do they want comfort / encouragement / coddling? Are they okay with light-hearted teasing or jokes?

Either ignore it if there's no chance of relief anytime soon, or occasional gentle encouragement if she just needs to hold it a bit longer - don't bring it up too much or she'll get embarrassed. Although, if the situation starts to get a bit dire, it might also be a good idea to quietly remind her that it won't be a disaster if she doesn't quite make it, and that she won't be in trouble...

22. The same as the three questions above but with accidents (bedwetting too).

1. How do they act when they have an accident/wet the bed? Do they get angry? Do they squirm a lot or do they freeze up? Do they get quieter or do they talk more than usual?

Accidents are SERIOUSLY bad for her because of her trauma, to the point that in extreme cases, they can cause dissociation and flashbacks to several VERY bad memories of her childhood. She'll usually freeze up and often start silently crying without noticing. If no-one intervenes, her fight-or-flight instincts will usually kick into overdrive and she'll try to hide until she can bring herself back to the present. Bedwetting is somewhat less severe, but she still ends up feeling pretty embarrassed and ashamed, especially if it happened around someone else.

2. How do they act when someone else has an accident/wets the bed in their vicinity? Do they try to help them? Are they successful or do they accidentally make it worse?

Again, she actually finds it easier when it's someone else going through this instead of her. She has a tendency to mother people slightly, so she'll usually try her best to console them and find them clean clothes, or at least something to cover the wet patch, and she'll want to take charge of cleaning up if she can. How much this helps depends on how much fussing the person in question can take - if they just want to be left alone, this may be more irritating than anything else!

3. How do they like to be treated when they have an accident/wake up wet? Do they want comfort / encouragement / coddling? Are they okay with light-hearted teasing or jokes?

As mentioned above, accidents can cause a pretty severe negative reaction, so anyone with her will definitely need to help. If it happened in public, best to get her away from everyone as quick as possible, and try to bring her back to the present if she's stuck in her own head - you can usually tell if she flinches away from being touched. Once she's 'back', she'll still be pretty upset, but not quite as terrified. She'll never admit it aloud, but she usually wants a lot of comfort and reassurance, and won't fight it if someone wants to help her get cleaned up or fusses over her a little. Physical affection is something she particularly craves, and while she often can't get the words out, she may cuddle into the person helping her's side or hold her arms out for a hug, if she's relatively certain she won't be pushed away. Bedwetting isn't quite as bad, though naturally she'll still be very upset and embarrassed - usually she just wants a little reassurance that it can happen to anyone, and maybe a hand changing the bedsheets.

23. Do they get upset or embarrassed over an accident or do they shrug it off?

As mentioned above, very VERY upset and embarrassed. It'll probably leave her shaken for a good few hours, if not the rest of the day.

24. What’s the last time they had a genuine full-on accident? How old were they?

She was in her 400s, it happened fairly recently - she was with a friend and they attended a fancy event together, as said friend needed to keep an eye out for trouble. She drank a lot of tea and was too scared to tell him that she had to go for fear of interrupting his work, and ended up having an accident at the worst moment...

25. Have they ever wet themself deliberately? Would they consider doing it?

It's always been an accident so far, and it will almost certainly stay that way. It would take a pretty extreme circumstance for her to even consider wetting deliberately - like, she'd have to be in significant pain and with absolutely no hope of relieving herself anytime soon, and it would take a LOT of coaxing and reassurance from someone she trusts.

26. Do they tend to wait too long or do they go when they feel the urge for the first time?

She almost always waits too long because she's too embarrassed to let anyone find out she has to go. This leads to her either being reluctant to tell whoever she's with that she needs a potty break, or she'll hold it for much too long while she's working so that no-one sees her slipping away to the bathroom.

27. Do they have a weak / small or strong / big bladder?

She has a pretty big bladder after so many years of holding, though it's not the strongest for that same reason - never letting the muscles rest will eventually weaken them...

28. What helps them cope when they have to go but can’t? What makes it worse?

Distractions help a lot - if she has something interesting enough to focus on, she can almost forget her need completely. Conversely, being reminded of peeing will make it a lot worse, especially people talking or joking about it.

29. Is there any type of drink (or food) that goes right through them?

Just standard diuretics, the same way they would go through anyone.

30. Do they wake up to pee at night or do they sleep through? Do they ever wake up desperate or in the middle of an accident? Do they have pee dreams?

Kyder is a D&D elf, and the lore books say elves actually don't sleep, they 'trance' for 4 hours a night, which is like a state of semi-conscious meditation, so this doesn't really apply here... She does wake up desperate most mornings though, and will try to relieve herself first thing after getting out of bed.

31. Do they ever pee in odd places / in public? What’s the weirdest place they’ve ever peed in? Were they drunk / on meds, sleepwalking, super desperate, etc.?

She tries not to, but it's certainly come to that a few times - not really in public though, thankfully. But she has ducked into one of the guest rooms around the castle she works in to use the chamber pot if she was too embarrassed or nervous to use one of the bathrooms, which she would consider weird. The weirdest place by far though was when she and a friend were out and had to use a public bathroom that was literally just two toilets side by side, no privacy... And they were both too desperate to wait for the other to go first. She managed to use it though, and her friend said he was proud of her so she considers it a win!

32. What’s the most desperate they’ve ever gotten past childhood and did they make it?

Oh goodness... So many scenarios for this! But probably the time she put it off a little too long during work one day and ended up having an accident in front of one of the other guards... It could have ended in disaster, but she was VERY lucky that it happened to be in front of the only guard she's actually close with, and he managed to calm her down, though he ended up finding out about her past from it...

medical / childhood stuff (feel free to skip this ofc)

33. At what age were they potty trained? Were they ever potty-trained? (lol, I hope)

I've never been entirely certain, but I'll say she was a little younger than 2 when the whole potty training process started - though she was absolutely not ready to be potty trained at the time and probably would have benefitted from slightly longer in diapers until she had a better grasp on her body, but her parents wanted her trained as soon as possible... The end result was that, although her potty training started when she was a little younger than 2, she couldn't actually reliably make it to the potty until she was about 3. It was... A long year for all involved...

34. Same question as above but with bedwetting. When did they stop? Do they have one-off accidents in specific situations? (alcohol, nightmares, deep sleep?)

Seeing as elves trance instead of sleep, this made bedwetting much more shameful, especially since it was a common occurrence for her as a child. Thankfully she learned how to change her own bedsheets at a very young age, and since they had maids to do all the washing, her parents were none the wiser when she was too tired to wake up at night and go to the bathroom. Thankfully she outgrew it once her bladder got a little bigger, and these days bedwetting is pretty uncommon - though not impossible. It's been known to happen if she repeatedly pushes her bladder to its limits during the day before, or if something particularly upsetting happened and the memory comes back to haunt her at night.

35. Were they accident-prone as a kid? Are they still like that or did it get better with age?

She was extremely accident-prone as a child, mostly because her parents often wouldn't let her go when she needed to, and she could never hold it for the unreasonable lengths of time that they expected. She's less accident-prone now, but only because she goes to extreme lengths to avoid them, even barely drinking anything throughout the day sometimes. It's a habit she's trying her best to break, as it often makes her sick...

36. Do they wear protection or did they wear it in the past? (past baby/toddler-age)

That's... A question that depends heavily on the AU and who I'm RPing her with. In her current world, it's a solid "no and never going to happen", but there have been a few AUs where she has, though I won't go into details here since I don't want to tag this.

37. Do they have any medical issues that make them have to pee more / have frequent accidents? If yes, how do they deal with them? Do they take meds?

Not really, though as mentioned above, her bladder isn't the strongest from too much holding over the years. This also leaves her more vulnerable to UTIs than most, but she has some basic healing magic that can clear them up before they cause too much trouble - though she'll sometimes suffer through them for a day if she's afraid of 'wasting' her magic on herself when she might need it for something else, in which case she'll wait to heal herself until night time when she can recharge her magic straight after using it.

38. Does anyone know about said issues? Do they talk about them openly or not? (out of embarrassment? fear of bad reactions? because no one ever asks?)

She almost never talks about this issue due to the obvious shame, and her partner is the only one who knows, because he's seen her healing herself from UTIs so often.

39. Do they have some trauma related to omo (being mocked / scolded / yelled at for an accident, bullying, weird / scary encounters in public bathrooms, etc.)

Ah, here we go - the epicentre of where this all started. As mentioned above, she was potty trained before she was fully ready and often wasn't allowed to go when she had to - this was mostly because her parents are rich nobles and completely obsessed with their own image. They never really wanted a child, they wanted a miniature adult that they could dress up and parade around and brag about. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of verbal and emotional abuse when she was obviously incapable of being what they wanted, and a fair amount of neglect too since they didn't want to actually take care of her, and she was mostly left for the maids to deal with unless they wanted to show her off to someone... And being shown off was the worst part. They would always drag her to fancy balls and events, and expect her to stand there quietly and only speak when spoken to, never move or ask for anything or need anything. This would have been an impossible ask for any small child, but a neurodivergent child who was sensitive to the sound of lots of overlapping chatter, AND already developing anxiety and a severe distrust of people? Forget it. Each time she got upset or 'acted out', the rules would become more and more strict, and she would be punished more and more severely until eventually she managed to stay completely silent and still... But this left another problem. She still didn't have the strongest control over her bladder, and a lot of the fancy parties they were attending could last almost all day. She would of course be scolded and silenced as soon as she tried to tell her mother or father that she had to go, they would insist it was impolite to say it aloud, especially around others. Squirming or fidgeting in place also resulted in anger and scolding, because apparently that was rude too. It would never take long before she had an accident, which would usually draw the attention of everyone else... Though the stuck-up nobles that her parents were friends with never spared her any sympathy when this happened. It almost always ended with her being physically punished in front of everyone - her father carried a cane and wasn't afraid to use it. There was nothing she could do to escape this fate for most of her childhood, until she eventually became capable of holding it until they went back home, but that took a long time and required her to dehydrate herself for most of the day. It took years for her to work through even some of the trauma and get past her fear of fancy events and balls, they only cause moderate anxiety these days... But as mentioned above, accidents can still send her back there in an instant.

40. Did they ever have an accident or extremely close call while sick?

She doesn't get sick very often, but when she does, it hits HARD. That probably makes close calls a common occurrence when she feels too sick to get out of bed, unless someone's there to lift her onto the chamber pot every few hours.

#omo questionnaire #this was fun!#it's interesting to list things out like this!

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ask-an-aussie · 4 years ago

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Aussie Wildlife FAQ

So here's questions I'm frequently asked as both a wildlife rescuer and carer and keeper at a wildlife sanctuary. Heads up, this is a long post, I've made the questions stick out so you can easily skip through. I've tried to make it as easy to read as possible, and to find what you're after, whilst also providing lots of info.

Poison Vs Venom, what's the difference?

Well, mostly, poison just never stops killing. Like if you poison an insect, then a bird or small mammal eats that insect and they slowly get poisoned by all the poisoned insects they eat, then something eats them, like an owl, and that gets poisoned, then as it rots the poison goes into the environment, etc. Poison never dies. Venom has to be injected, so yes you can be envenomated by a dead animal, if you are stupid. Poison can be inhaled, eaten/drunk or even through touch. So if a cow is poisoned you have to dispose of the body safely, if a cow is bitten by a venomous snake, technically you can still have steak for dinner.

Are all Australian animals out to kill you?

Maybe.

They could want to kill us, I mean as a species we aren't that great. Their ability to kill us however is limited. So are all Aussie animals able to kill you? No. So we have lots of cute small mammals, like antechinus, dunnarts, pygmy possums and the like, that can bite and scratch but are very tiny bois. We even have lots of non-venomous snakes, pythons and blind snakes. Most lizards outside of Goannas can't cause too much damage. Echidna's are completely defensive, have no attack whatsoever. Lots of birds have no interest in you, unless you get near their nest. Freshwater Turtles, Little Penguins and Tawny Frogmouths all main defense is shitting really stinky shit at you. Even our venomous snakes, as long as you seek medical attention you should be fine. Considering we have the top 10 most venomous snakes in the world but average only 1 death a year that's pretty good.

But you still have lots of dangerous animals right?

Yes.

Maybe I should elaborate. Any animal is dangerous, including you, if given the right circumstances. I'm a lovely person but hurt my dog and you better run. Most animals don't want a bar of you. However, if you are a threat to them, or their babies, they will defend themselves. A lot of animals get tagged with the word 'aggressive' which I don't like, aggression is a human emotion that I've never seen in wild animals, or even pets and things. Mostly it's defensive behaviours that people read wrong. For example, the most venomous snake in the world is the Inland Taipan (found in Aust.), however the most dangerous snake in Australia is the Eastern Brown snake, less venomous but also less shy and lives in suburbia. Still, it only ever strikes at people when it feels cornered and needs to get you to back the hell off. And lets be real here, what else can they do? They can't yell and scream, they can't punch or kick. Legit their only option is to bite, and even then mostly it's a closed mouth strike to freak you out into stepping back, and most people bitten by snakes are given a 'dry bite' where no venom is injected, as they want to use it on their food not waste it on us. And 90% of snake bites that happen in Australia are people either trying to catch or kill a snake.

It's fairly simple. Don't threaten animals, don't give them a reason to be dangerous and you are fine. Crocodiles in the water? Don't swim there. Sharks around? Avoid swimming at twilight. Snake? Leave it alone. Nest with baby birds? walk away. You don't randomly show up in some strangers home and expect them not to react, so why do we expect different from animals?

What animals are on the most 'dangerous list' then? Which animals should I really avoid pissing off?

Start with the obvious. Crocodiles, venomous snakes, sharks, some jellyfish, venomous spiders, stone fish, blue ringed octopus, birds of prey (our Wedge Tailed Eagle WILL attack drones, hang-gliders and helicopters if they come into their territory) Then you've got the less obvious. Ants - like meat ants, they will swarm over you then all bite down at once. 1 bite isn't so bad, a whole colony biting you, deadly. Then there's other ants in the Myrmecia family (bull ants and the like) that are just HUGE, and have massive mandables for biting and also can sting you, and are one of the most toxic insects in the world.

Wombats - Can run at 40km/hr, skull so hard it's the only thing a Tassie Devil can't eat, able to bite your calf muscle clean off your leg, oh and they have killer booty. A hard cartilage plate in their lower back that they use to block their burrows, and if threatened can lay down and as the animal tries to get past jam their legs straight and crush the skull of a fox against the roof of their burrow, easily break a dingoes jaw or even destroy your hand.

Kangaroos - yes they box, hahaha wouldn't it be funny to box with a kangaroo. NO. Kangroos box for fun but also to defend themselves and their mob. The Alpha male is the big buff one that looks like he's on steroids. He looks like that for a reason, to defend and protect his mob. DO NOT MESS WITH ANY KANGAROOs, but really don't mess with Big Daddy (for being the alpha he gets all the ladies) Kangaroos are made for this. A punch from a Kangaroo can easily break you ribs. They can lean back on their tail and bring both legs up to kick you, easily tearing you open, which they can do with the claws on their toes, and so basically dissecting you from sternum down. Oh and if they gran you round the neck for a 'Cuddle' DUCK AND RUN. They will hold you in a kind of choke hold and then bring their legs up to kick you and basically snap you in half. Don't even mess with Wallabies man, they may be smaller but can still do damage.

Tassie Devils - are extremely shy and slower than you, like you can actually run away from them. BUT. They have the strongest bite strength compared to size of any animal. The have a PSI of 1200 and males weigh around 8 kg. For perspective, Hyenas have a PSI of 1100 and males weigh around 50kg

Brushtail Possums - They may be cuter than the American Opossums but trust me, they don't want you around. They are solitary so most people have heard them fighting of a night, screeching, shrieking, hissing, growling and making darth vadar noises. Heads up from someone who has had to rescue them from awkward places (fire-places, BBQs, closets) They are stronger than you and they will f*** you up. Even without them meaning to I've gotten injuries from my joey Brushies, they get so keen on their milk when you put it in that they climb your arm and their claws are sharper than cats. Also the sheer strength of them. I'm stronger than I look but if they are clinging on to a tree you are gonna need all your strength to get them off. The can also bite your finger clean off. And I've seen injuries from people who feed wild ones and for some reason have been late to put out the food or something and they've climbed their leg or even jumped on them - stitches were required in a few of those cases (human skin is not thick like tree bark)

What's with Magpies and swooping?

Simple, they have nests/babies and are protecting them. Australia Magpies are very smart and can recognise faces. If they think you are a threat they will try and scare you off. Just like if you're walking along with your toddler and there's a weirdo doing something strange you hold the kid tighter and closer to you and move through faster. But these guys can't just move their nests or their babies. The spot is chosen based on food availability and shelter from sun and rain, but also not being too cold. It's their spot. I've never been swooped by Magpies, other birds yes, but not Magpies. My local birds know me as the lady that cleans and fills the bird bath. Legit the Magpies sing a specific song when it needs filling to call me out to do it. So don't be a threat. If they are swooping in that area, try to avoid it or go through quickly. We used to have Plovers at my school, in the bush at the end of the oval. Never a problem. One day some kids go into the bush and stomp on their nest and eggs. After that they would swoop anyone who came close to there. So the school blocked off that end of the oval. Fair call. Wasn't the birds fault.

Why is everything named so basic?

Oh you mean the snake that's black with a red belly being balled a Red Belly Black Snake, and the tree with all the doodles on it being called a Scribbly Gum? 80% of plants and animals found in Australia are found NO WHERE ELSE. So the early Europeans had a lot of things to name and when they tried naming it themselves they would get it wrong. 2 good examples are: The Death Adder (only considered highly venomous, not deadly, and not an Adder). Also you're only likely to get bitten if you stand on it or try to pick it up. The Australian Magpie, they saw a black and white bird so it must be a magpie. Nope. Actually not in the corvidae family but in the butcherbird family - Artamidae. So their solution was to either take the Aboriginal word, for example, Quoll, Kookaburra, Koala, Quokka, Taipan. Or name it after what it looks like/sounds like/ is found Boobook Owl - makes a sound like booooo-book Squirrel Glider Eastern Water Dragon Grey Headed Flying Fox Flaky Bark Tea Tree Old man Banksia This can cause confusion though as not every brown coloured snake is a brown snake, and not all Eastern brown snakes are brown. Squirrel Gliders aren't related to squirrels. Flying foxes are bats not actual foxes that fly.

What do I do if I find injured wildlife?

Well, depends on the wildlife and where it is. If it's in a dangerous position, like the middle of a highway, don't try anything. First thing, call a wildlife rescue group, there are plenty around and they have trained people who know what to do. A quick google search should show you all you need to know, also the IFAW's Wildlife Rescue App will identify the closest group to you.

If it's a snake, adult wombat or kangaroo, or any other animal that can cause you serious injury, leave it be. The wildlife rescuers you call can give you basic info on how to help but mostly calling them is the main thing.

If it's something smaller, like a young animal or glider or baby bird and you are able to put it into a cardboard box that will be perfect. The 3 main things injured/ill wildlife need are warmth, dark and quiet. You don't need to worry about food or water. The rescuers will organise that. If you give food or water to an animal in shock you can cause more damage.

THE BEST THING IS TO DO NOTHING. I know this sounds stupid. But so many problems can occur from people who don't know what they are doing helping out. You know what they say about good intentions. For example, picking up a Koala like you would pick up a human child (under the armpits, around the chest) you could actually break their ribs. Also so many Koalas end up needing vet care during heat waves because people pour water into their mouths - they can get pneumonia as the water goes in too fast, it is not a natural way for them to drink. You can also get yourself injured or make the animals injuries worse. I have seen Kangaroos with broken legs get up and try to hop away from people. I have seen severe scratches on other people because they tried to pick up an animal.

What diseases can wildlife give me?

Well. I only know about Australian wildlife, and it's very different to other parts of the world. If you get a bad bite or scratch from wildlife you should see your doctor ASAP, get the wound cleaned properly and make sure your tetanus is up to date (same as if a pet gives you a bad bite or scratch).

There aren't that many Zoonosis that are around in Australia that are easy to catch. Mostly you have to be dealing directly with sick wildlife to get them.

The main thing is Australian Bat Lyssavirus. ABL for short. Now our bats can carry it. About 1 in 1000 bats may have it and you HAVE to be bitten or scratched for it to be transmitted to you. If you are bitten or scratched by a bat your chance is 0.1% of getting ABL but it is related to Rabies, so head straight to hospital for treatment. If you don't touch a bat you won't get bitten or scratched and so your chance of getting it is 0. Hendra is the other virus our bats carry, however it has to go through a horse before it mutates enough for humans to get it.

Basically it's only when you get involved with wildlife that your risk of getting a disease from them is higher than VERY unlikely. If you happen to help some wildlife, and you maybe wrap them in a towel or jumper, even if they urinate on it. You can just chuck it in the wash (I usually add a little extra disinfectant) and it will be fine. Treat it the same as if a pet had used it or urinated on it.

What's some Good Wildlife Apps to have?

Well, there's so many out there now hey? Here's some that I've found handy or know people that use. WomSAT EchidnaCSI PlatypusSPOT are all for recording sightings of these animals (wombats/echidnas/platypus) this helps researches track where they are and how they are going which means we can help them more as well. OzAtlas - record a sighting of anything Australian, animal, plant, fungus, insect. FrogID - need to identify a frog? This is the app for you. Use photos or sound recordings, Field Guide to *insert state/territory* Fauna - Have a field guide on you wherever you are without having to carry a book. Seek by inaturalist - Helps you identify any animals, plants, insect, fungus. IFAW Wildlife Rescue - wildlife rescue app (currently for NSW only but soon expanding) will give you advice on what to do and put you into contact with the local wildlife rescue groups.

Besides Cats and Foxes, what other invasive species have you got that cause problems?

First up, any invasive species causes a problem. In Tasmania they have issues with Sugar Gliders, because they are not naturally found there and use up tree hollows that other animals need. Invasive species cause competition for food, water and shelter. They can also bring in diseases that didn't exist in Australia before and that our natives have no defence against (like cats and Toxoplasmosis) Here's a quick list of invasive animal species in Australia. Cats, dogs, foxes, pigs, water buffalo, ferrets rabbits, horses/brumbies, goats, camels, Cane Toad, European Honey Bee, Common Myna bird, deer, donkey, common starling, common pigeon, black rat, brown rat.

There's more, there's reptiles, and weeds and fish but those guys ^ are the main ones that cause problems.

I am an animal lover but unless we get rid of these animals you loose more in the long run. I'm 100% against use of poisons, I prefer having people hunt them to be honest. If you know what you are doing and have the right equipment you can give them a quick, painless death. To give you an idea how bad invasives are:

The introduction of the rabbit is the main cause the Lesser Bilby became extinct.

The introduction of cats and toxoplasmosis is believed to be the main reason Eastern Quolls became extinct on mainland Australia

Rats led directly to the extinction of 5 of Lord Howe Island's bird species

30% of our land snakes and Goannas are at risk as Cane Toads are rapidly spreading and eat their eggs.

The Common Myna Bird is the 2nd greatest threat to Australian native birds (habitat loss being the 1st)

The fox population has been estimated at 72 million and consume around 190 million birds a year

There's an estimated 23 million wild pigs/boars and an estimated 2.6 million goats - all eating whatever they come across.

How can I help Australian Wildlife?

There's the stuff we already know, like reduce/reuse/recycle and don't litter. But there's other things you may not know about.

Turn off lights at night - any lights that you don't need, don't have them on, especially if they are outside. Lots of animals require insects in their diets, particularly moths, which can be distracted by lights. Zoos Victoria have launched educational stuff for this https://youtu.be/ZAcL4FKPtHw

Learn about them - It's not hard, there's multiple ways you can do it. There's books, tv shows, pod casts, you can follow sanctuaries and other people who work with wildlife on social media. Planting flora that's native to your area is great as different plants can attract different animals and it's much lower maintenance, being made for that environment. You can even find cool life-hacks like Lemon Scented Tea-Tree doesn't just smell amazing and feed lots of wildlife, it keeps the mozzies away! There's different kinds of nesting boxes out there specific to different species that you can put up to help 'foster' that species. You can even become friends with your local Magpies! Mine know me as the lady who cleans and fills the bird bath and all I had to do was whistle to them when I was done and now they are really chill around me and I get to watch their antics. Debunk Myths! - In learning about wildlife you can debunk lots of myths like: a mother bird won't take it's chick back if you've touched it (fake news!) or that snakes dislocate their jaw to swallow their prey (that would be soooo painful!)

Put out water - have a bird bath and keep it clean and full. Or if you don't have one or want to get one just put water out on hot days. Summer's getting hotter and hotter and our animals really suffer. So put out a nice pot or container of water. Don't forget to put a rock or a stick in it if it's a slippery surface (like plastic or metal) so that little animals and bugs don't fall in and drown, and keep it out of the sun if it's likely to heat up.

Check roadkill - it's not pleasant but needs to be done. Don't do it if it's a motorway or somewhere dangerous, but if you can PLEASE do. Roadkill sometimes looks dead but isn't and you don't want them laying there suffering. They may have pouch young if they are a marsupial or young nearby that will need care without their parent. And where possible get it off the road. Species like Tasmanian Devils, Goannas and Wedge Tailed Eagles feed on roadkill and can then end up as roadkill themselves. Even if you have to drag it, it's dead and not gonna feel any more pain. 100% of people I have attended a rescue for who have called because they stopped and found a joey or young in a pouch or hiding nearby have not regretted their decision at all. Even if they were late for work, they saved a life and it was worth it.

Avoid using poisons - insecticides, pesticides, snail bait and straight up rat poison. Like mentioned in POISON VS VENOM, it just keeps killing. There are so many other options out there and they aren't hard to find. There's stuff on the internet but also at Bunnings I've found more environmentally sound options that use Tea Tree oils and Eucalyptus instead and work just as well.

Don't feed them! - Most Aussie animals are gluten and lactose intolerant. BREAD IS REALLY BAD! and if not eaten it gets mouldy and causes disease. Putting out bird seed is the number 1 problem when we talk 'feeding wildlife'. WHY?

The 'wild birdseed' that you buy in shops isn't actually for wild birds. JUST LOOK AT IT, you don't see those seeds growing out in the wild. The main seed wild birds eat are Bottle-brush, She-oaks, Banksias, Wattle and Eucalypts. None of those are found in these bags of seed.

Even for seed eaters that seed you buy is too fatty and unbalanced

For those that don't usually eat seed, like Lorikeets, eating the seed destroys the specialised bristles on their tongues that they need to eat their natural food - nectar and pollen.

If you don't keep it clean you will spread diseases, especially psittacosis (beak and feather) for which there is no cure just a slow, drawn out death. You can also catch it and end up in hospital.

You cause an imbalance. Animals breed based on food availability, if you make food available they will breed but there might not be enough space or trees available and you create more competition and also they end up relying on you and if you go on holiday or anything they can die without that food.

You can cause health issues in other animals. Possums love bird seed but it makes them fat, making it harder for them to escape predators.

You will be feeding non-natives. For example, the Common Myna bird cannot survive on wild plants, but if there is a food source around they can. Got rid of Common Mynas in my neighbourhood by convincing my neighbours to stop putting out bird seed.

RATS LOVE BIRD SEED. Specially feral rats. Mice also love bird seed.

You make a predator hot-spot. It won't take long for predators to realised animals they prey on visit your feeding station and they will come. The most common predator I find around bird seed? Snakes. Snakes love rats and mice, rats and mice love bird seed. You do the maths.

If you want to feed them just do some research and plant trees that are food for them.

How many species are endangered?

Sadly, it's almost quicker to list what's NOT endangered in Australia.

That's hard to say as there is different ways they can be endangered. In one area they may be common, but in another they could be disappearing. You can have Endangered lists at different levels; local, state, national and international.

But the most used list is the International Union for Conservation of Nature’s Red List of Threatened Species has evolved to become the world’s most comprehensive information source on the global extinction risk status of animal, fungus and plant species. AKA the IUNC Red List

Here's a bit of a breakdown: EXTINCT 26 mammals 7 birds 4 amphibians CRITICALLY ENDANGERED 7 mammals 8 birds 15 amphibians 13 reptiles ENDANGERED 18 mammals 29 birds 18 amphibians 21 Reptiles VULNERABLE 51 mammals 40 birds 23 amphibians 35 reptiles NEAR THREATENED 43 mammals 37 birds 9 amphibians 21 reptiles

Then there's the "data deficient" category where they really just don't have the info. 10 mammals 11 amphibians 42 reptiles

I will continue to update this post as I think of other things. Feel free to send me any questions you have

#Wildlife #Australian animals #Aussie #FAQ #endangered animals #what people should know #long post #venom vs poison

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faebriel · 3 years ago

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ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

#ALSO SORRY THIS TOOK TWO WEEKS. LMFAO #asks #thespoonisvictory #dvd commentary #< i have successfully coerced a discord server into doing the dvd commentary on a regular basis and it is the BEST thing

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a-wayne-at-heart-too · 5 years ago

Text

Ask: The 27th of April, the Last (and Long) Part

Bonus Ask:

[Stately Wayne Manor]

Jason: *helping Alfred clear out the dinner table* You think we should’ve asked Harley to stay for dinner?

Alfred: If you wished to see Master Bruce’s hair turn to grey as you ate dessert, I don’t see why not.

Jason: *burps loudly and fans his breath away* Whoops. Sorry, Alf. Just my way of complimenting your cooking.

Alfred: *carrying the dishes to the kitchen* Then perhaps you should come here more often, Master Jason.

Jason: *following Alfred* I'd rather not cause any trouble.

Alfred: *stops in his tracks and turns to face Jason with a stern expression* And you don't think it troubles me that you feel unwelcome here?

Jason: *takes the dishes from Alfred’s hands, sets them on the kitchen island, and pulls him in for a hug* Alf, hey... I didn’t mean it like that. I know you guys care about me, it’s just...

Alfred: *sobbing into Jason's shirt* We've already lost you once... Once is enough, Jason...

Jason: *tightens the hug and gently plants a kiss on top of Alfred’s head* I know, I know... I'm back, Alf. I'm back.

>>> *** <<<

Dick and Barbara: *sitting on the carpeted floor in the study, enjoying the heat from the fireplace in front of them, going through a stack of photo albums*

Dick: *smiling fondly* Wow, these are old-old.... I should probably scan them before they crumble to pieces.

Dick: *stops at a page and points at a picture of Bruce and Jason on a boat, smiling, and holding up a tuna* Check this out, Babs... Aw, I love this one. I had a few days off from work, decided to spend it here. Somehow Jason convinced Bruce to take break from himself and go fishing.

Dick: *talking animatedly* So, there we are on Bruce’s huge fishing boat, the Bat-2-Sea -- And Jason’s starting to get seasick because he’s been hanging out by the edge, waiting for a bite for hours -- The persistence on that kid! -- And he finally gets one! A big one, Babs -- *spreads his arms* -- and it was pulling down hard like you wouldn’t believe, but Jason just wouldn’t let go! -- So Bruce drops the glass of wine he’s holding and runs to grab him --

Barbara: What were you doing?

Dick: Who do you think took the picture? As I was saying -- Bruce, he -- he -- *starts to laugh so hard that he tears up* trips over Jason’s line somehow and falls into the ocean! *slapping-the-floor laughing* The World’s Greatest Detective, in his Batwaders, drenched like a wet bird... *sighs happily* You should’ve seen his face!

Barbara: *turns the page* Oh, I can see it now. Still stone-faced, but wet.

Barbara: *stops at a page and giggles* Aw... Will you look at that?

Dick: *looks at the photo Babs is pointing at and chuckles softly* That’s adorable.

Barbara: Those scaly leotards fit him better than they ever did you, Boy Wonder.

Dick: *smirks* Whatever. But I have to admit, he did look great. He looked really... happy. I wish... I wish I saw more of him in action, you know? *voice breaking* I could’ve maybe trained him the way I did Tim and Damian --

Barbara: *rubs his back comfortingly* Dick...

Jason: *walks into the study* Dickie, I took some of your --

Dick: *clears his throat and wipes his eyes haphazardly* Hey, Little Wing!

Jason: Wait, are those our old family photos?

Barbara: *pats the empty spot beside her* C'mere.

Jason: *sits down and rubs his hands together* Where’s the one where Bruce goes kersplat in the ocean?

Jason: *flips through the pages and grimaces at his photos as Robin* You're not gonna use these to blackmail me, are you?

>>> *** <<<

Duke: *watches as his RPG character explodes for the fifth time in a row and shakes his head* You beat me again! You're so good at this game, man.

Jason: *snorts and puts his controller down* Dude, you weren't even trying. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were letting me win.

Duke: What? Naaaah... That's... Come on, why would I do that?

Jason: *gets up and shrugs, grinning knowingly* I dunno... 'Cause you like seeing me alive?

Duke: Yeah. It’s pretty awesome, actually.

Jason: *offers to bump fists* I gotta pack up. Good game, though. See you around, bro.

Duke: *exploding-fist-bumps with Jason* You too, bro.

Jason: *pats Ace the Bathound’s head as he exits the game room*

>>> *** <<<

Steph: *examining Jason’s face* You look really pale.

Cass: *pointing at various spots on his face* And you have a lot of... scars.

Jason: *sitting on a stool in front of Cass’s vanity dresser, staring at himself in the mirror and absentmindedly running a finger over the shirt-covered scar on his chest* Yeah? That bad, huh?

Steph: *grins* Nothing a little makeup can’t fix.

Jason: *rubbing his chin* You think so? I mean, I just came here to borrow a few weapons from Cass, but if you think I need a makeover...

Steph and Cass: *look at each other and squeal in delight*

>>> *** <<<

Tim: And this *holding up a minuscule gadget between his fingers for Jason to see* generates a force field over your entire body. The more the impact, the greater the energy generated. Schway, huh?

Jason: *nodding his head appreciatively as he takes the gadget and sticks it on the lapel of his leather jacket* Schway.

Tim: *proudly shows Jason a Bat-shaped breastplate * Now, this -- You're gonna love this -- It can turn you invisible to the naked eye for roughly 34.5 seconds, giving you time to do all kinds of offensive or defensive stuff. They won’t know what hit them, Jay. You’re basically gonna be invincible and Joker... Joker, he’s... he’s not... not gonna... *drops the breastplate unceremoniously*

Jason: *places a hand on Tim’s shoulder* Thank you, Timbo. Really. But I'll be fine out there. You don't have to worry about me.

Tim: Yeah? Can you promise me that? Because I don’t think I can live through another one of Bruce's meltdowns.

Jason: *chuckles softly* Aren't they the best?

>>> *** <<<

Jason: *staring at an empty grave layered with concrete in the backyard*

Jason: *rolls his eyes* I know you're there.

Bruce: *comes out of the shadows and stands next to Jason*

Jason: Why'd you keep it?

Bruce: Because I'm a sentimental old fool.

Jason: This is just... creepy. Even for you.

Bruce and Jason: *stare at the empty grave in silence*

Jason: I've forgiven you.

Bruce: *glances at Jason, who could’ve sworn his adoptive father’s eyes were bloodshot*

Jason: You know that, don’t you? I mean, I know we’re always going to disagree about Jok-- about him, and a few other things, but... You’ll always be family, Bruce. My family.

Bruce: *looks at Jason, smiling wearily*

Jason: *grinning back at Bruce*

Bruce: *puts an arm around Jason’s shoulder* Thank you... Son.

Jason: *pulls Bruce in for a tight hug*

Bruce and Jason: ...

Jason: Hey, remember that time you went kersplat in the ocean?

>>> *** <<<

Damian: *knocks softly on Jason's bedroom door* Todd.

Jason: *stuffing a duffel bag with clothes, homemade snacks, and weapons* Hey, kid, come in. I’m just getting my stuff ready --

Damian: These came from Mother. *drops a pile of books on Jason’s old desk*

Jason: *picking one after the other up excitedly* Tolstoy, Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, Shakespeare, Marx... No way...

Damian: They’ve been with me for a while. But since you rarely come over, they’ve been collecting dust and taking up valuable space in my room. -Tt-

Jason: *wiping the dust off with his shirt and hugging each one* She kept them... These were my friends back when I was in the League...

Damian: I didn’t realize we had more in common than just being my Father’s sons.

Jason: Wow. I have no idea how I’m supposed to bring all of these home. I mean, I got here on roller blades, for Bat’s sake --

Damian: *thrusts a piece of paper into Jason’s chest* This is for you.

Jason: *gingerly uncrumples it, revealing a painting of him and Damian*

Jason: *reading the writing in calligraphy underneath* “The Second Chance Robins”... *looks at Damian, feeling the tears well up in his eyes* You made this?

Damian: *looking down at his feet* When it’s my day... M-my d-day... Will you come over, too?

Jason: *gets down on bended knee to be at eye level with his little brother* Hey, buddy, look at me. Damian, look at me. Of course. Listen, we’ll do whatever you want. We’ll, um... We’ll take bad guys down together! Pull pranks on Tim! You name it, I got you.

Damian: Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Todd.

Jason: I promise that I’ll do my best, okay?

Damian: You could stay the night, you know. You’re home anyway.

Jason: *ruffles Damian’s hair and grins* I'd like that. As long as you hang out here with me. And I promise I won't tell anybody because it'll ruin our reputation.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

If truth be told, @wingedskyes , Jason makes himself available on his Death Day. Because even if neither he nor his family and friends mention it, he knows that they need him just as much as he needs them.

Thank you for this Ask. It was both fun and just a tad bit heartbreaking to write.

And thank you, @warrior-of-the-blue-moon , for the nice addition.

See: Part 1, Part 2

#Ask #Bruce Wayne #Richard Grayson #Jason Todd #Timothy Drake #Damian Wayne #Barbara Gordon #Stephanie Brown #Cassandra Cain #Duke Thomas #Alfred Pennyworth #Talia al Ghul #Ace the Bathound

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zackmartin · 3 years ago

Note

1, 3 and 23 for the fanfic ask (if you already have answered these, feel free to answer any question you want)! ❤

You're actually the only one that's sent an ask so far so thank you, love! 💕

Send me an end of the year fanfic ask!

1) favorite fic you wrote this year I was slacking so much this year 😓 my favorite fics i wrote this year were pretty much the only ones I wrote (both unpublished ofc) But, I really love my new au I keep talking about, especially now that I've kinda changed the story a bit. Like, I think I could actually do something with it if I can just get life to give me a break and for my brain to work 😅 And I've slowly been working on my birthday prompts, and I actually really love one you sent me (Izzy stealing the car) cause I just really love writing for Izzy!

favorite line/scene you wrote this year I didn't get to write a lot this year, so I don't have a like, really significant line that sticks out to me. but, you know me, I love spoiling my stuff lol so I'm gonna post a scene from each fic from the answer above, but I actually realized while I was answering this that both scenes are my favorite because they (in my opinion anyway) encapsulate the dynamics. Like, even though they're brothers, I don't really write Zack and Cody a lot cause I always try to exclude Cody lmao But, in the first excerpt from my new au, i feel like it's so,, them?? unfortunately I don't think this scene will be included because I think it'll end up getting cut thanks to the story change but 🤷 This scene also shows what Zack's dynamic is like with Henry/KD in this fic too so I'm still including it 😅

And in the second excerpt I just love it cause it really showcases the dynamics that exist in the hartin house (although, I'm almost certain at this point that I'm including a third sibling but i haven't written them in yet)

I'm gonna put a read more cause it's already getting long and it's about to get a whole lot longer lol

Also, I guess I should warn that the first excerpt kinda sorta gives away some stuff so spoilers i guess alsdkjf (but lets be real, I'll probably never post more than just snippets here and there)

one more thing i'm sorry but wherever I put [...] were just some spots i needed to cut out because they're either major spoilers or it needs serious editing

“Okay, are you gonna help me out here?” Kid Danger asked as he glanced back at Ray. Ray’s gaze moved to the ground.

“I mean...if they take him in instead of us, it saves us the trip,” he replied with a simple shrug.

“Exactly,” Zack responded and Kid Danger narrowed his eyes before shooting a look at Captain Man who just shrugged. “Cuff him, Code Red,” Zack continued, keeping his eyes glued to Kid Danger.

“With what?” Cody mumbled, leaning towards him. Zack slowly turned to look at him.

“Didn’t you bring handcuffs?”

Cody stared at him incredulously. “Where would I have gotten handcuffs?”

“Then use a zip tie!” Zack snapped, feeling his patience wearing thin.

“Again... where would I get a zip tie? And why would I have brought one?”

Zack finally lowered his arm, letting out a sharp breath and squeezing his eyes shut before turning to face his brother. “You carry a million things in your pocket but you’re telling me not one of them is a zip tie? Or anything we could use to cuff this guy?”

Cody continued to stare at him in disbelief. “What would I need a zip tie for?”

“What do you need bear repellent for?”

“To repel bears!”

Kid Danger stepped in between them then. "I don't mean to interrupt, but your perp's getting away."

"Why didn't you stop him?!" Zack barked. Kid Danger put his hands up in surrender as he took a few steps back.

"Why should I?" he replied, his lips curling into a devious smirk, "You've got this."

Anyway, please forgive me for the stupidity of that snippet lasdkj also here's the one from the Izzy fic:

“Where is he, by the way?” Cody questioned as he sat down at the table in the chair closest to him.

“He’s around here somewhere,” Zack answered but before he had a chance to call for him, the two of them heard a door slam, followed by Izzy’s muffled voice yelling, “You’re not being fair!”

Zack froze as he met Cody’s gaze. “But, I have an idea of where he might be.” [...]

Izzy came storming into the kitchen followed by Henry a few seconds later.

“Whatever. I’m gonna talk to dad, he’s the fun parent,” she snarked, shooting a look at Henry before turning back towards Zack.

“Be my guest,” Henry stated calmly, clearly unbothered by her attitude as he sat down in the chair opposite his brother-in-law. [..]

Izzy put on her sweetest grin as she went to stand at Zack’s side. “Daddy,” she cooed, shooting him her best doe-eyed look.

“No,” Zack deadpanned without looking at her. She immediately dropped the act, her demeanor turning annoyed again as she stared at him, slack-jawed.

“That’s not fair, you don’t even know what I was going to ask!” she snapped.

[..]

“Uncle Cody!” Felix’s voice gushed a few seconds before he sped into the room with his golden retriever, Daisy, at his heels, the two of them appearing at Cody’s side. Felix met his gaze with an elated smile, his hands cupped in front of his chest.

“Hey, buddy!” Cody responded enthusiastically, turning around to face him, letting his arm rest on the back of the chair, “How’s my favorite nephew?”

“I’m your only nephew,” Felix pointed out.

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t still be my favorite,” Cody replied, and Felix’s smile grew.

“Can we get back to me, please?!” Izzy interrupted impatiently, slipping into the last available chair between Zack and Cody.

[...]

“Hey, Fe,” Henry interjected. Felix’s grin vanished as he immediately dropped his still cupped hands below the table, out of Henry’s line of sight, before slowly turning towards him.

“Yeah?” “What’s in your hand?” Henry asked, his tone indicating he most likely already knew the answer. Felix avoided his gaze.

“Nothing,” he responded softly. Henry kept his eyes locked on him.

“Felix,” he echoed in a calm tone. Felix sighed heavily, raising his hands above the table once more as he slowly uncovered one from the other.

“A centipede,” he mumbled as the now freed centipede crawled from his palm to the crook between his index and thumb.

“Oh, Felix!” Zack yelped, instinctively pushing his chair back, “What’d I say about bringing random bugs into the house?!”

“Sorry,” Felix responded sincerely, flipping his hand over as the centipede inched onto the back of his hand.

Izzy let out a heavy sigh. “Then, can I take Grandpa’s car?” she questioned, clearly losing any patience she had left.

Anyway sorry for all that lol

23) fics you wanted to write but didn’t oh man, so many. I had a lot of motivation for my fairy tale au and a ton of ideas but i just. ran out of steam. I had a bunch of motivation for my newest au then i lost it, now I found it again. let's see how long that lasts. i'm still really super upset that it's been over a year since I've posted a new chapter of DoD and I know it's probably never going to happen now but I'm not quite ready to give up on it. i'm also super upset that not a single one of my birthday prompts have been posted cause you guys sent me almost all of my favorites from that list, and maybe it was ambitious of me still, but i genuinely thought I would have at least one posted either on my birthday or around it cause a few of them are literally already halfway done! But, genuinely every au I've ever told y'all about I really love for one reason or another and I would sincerely love to write every single one or even just. one! but it just wasn't in the cards this year I guess. Also, I've been wanting to write a zack & london besties one shot for years now and it still hasnt happened, rip

#asks #ask games #heather tag 💜#thank you heather <3 #I say I love to exclude cody and then. here he is. in both these scenes.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Libi & Bobby

Libi: When are you two going to 🎩👞🤵? Bobby: 📌📅 1 week exactly Libi: Are you going to go for the matching look or just complementary 🤔 that's the real question Bobby: 🤞 he don't want a throwback to my mini me days Bobby: cross everything Libi: But you were so cute! 😚 Libi: I doubt he's going to make you dress like anything, when the chances of getting Cass into a bridesmaid dress are less than none Bobby: cute's alright for 👶s and 🐶s Bobby: a cardboard cut out could work for both of us, me lil and Cass 👗👠 Libi: There's plenty of the former, not sure the registry office would be happy about a procession of pooches though Libi: 1. Where are you planning to be? 2. And who are you trying to impress when you get there? Spill Bobby: 🐶💍? 🤔 Bobby: probably not gonna dress you in a 👗 puffy enough for me to hide behind, are they? 💔 Libi: Sadly, I don't think we can convince them hearing-ear dogs are a thing Libi: though, maybe it is worth a 🎯 Libi: Let's 👀 into it Libi: You'll be great though, he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't know you could handle it Bobby: you could convince anyone of anything, including as a massive hint, that there's no need for me to make a speech Bobby: or hold onto valuable 💍 Libi: You make me sound like some kind of evil mastermind, flattering or worrying? Libi: I don't think there's going to be any meringue dresses or big 😭/😂 speeches Libi: and you've met my grandma, and my granddad, for that matter Libi: if there's any 💬 to be had, they'll almost certainly take charge Libi: If you wanted to say something about Jimmy though, we could work on it together and I could do it for you on the day, I don't mind, of course Bobby: less 😈 more like 😎💭😏👏 Bobby: you sure you're not gonna have your hands full filming it? Bobby: bit rude to give you a full plate unless it's got wedding cake on it Libi: I'll take that, thank you 🙇🌹 Libi: I can manage, I don't think I'm going to have many, if any, stereotypical bridesmaid duties Libi: though, we COULD record it beforehand and give it to him as a present Libi: as he's just as likely to be 😳 receiving a speech as you are giving one Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: if it means I can have more than the one go at it, I'll take the closeup Bobby: risk of 😳 and all Libi: You can trust me Libi: Going to threaten to make Cass too 🤪 Libi: he'll 💘 it, I'm sure Libi: what I'm less sure of is if I should put together the 📼 I have 🔮💭 for Janis Bobby: her accent's well strong again he'll love that throwback if nowt else 😉 Bobby: I do trust you and in all your ideas Bobby: 😎💭😏👏 like I just said Bobby: never put a foot wrong, you, Libs Libi: 😅 Libi: It'll be nice to have her back, not that I'll 💬 that to her face Libi: more 😒 than 😳 probably Libi: I try 🩰 Bobby: the dancing! 😳 deffo Bobby: I'll be putting that out of my head now Libi: Okay, there might be SOME dancing Libi: I 🤞 not to film that bit, even for laughs Bobby: only from the neck up, or we're gonna fall out Libi: Never! Bobby: hang on, unless I'm looking at where my feet are going, then don't Libi: Your concentration face IS very endearing Bobby: 😕 or 🤔? Libi: A solid mix of 🤔😋 Libi: we might furrow our brow if we're being VERY serious and having VERY big thoughts, of course 😉 Bobby: 👅 brings us back to cute like a 🐶 a bit Bobby: tell me YOUR big 💭 then, go on Libi: Don't be disrespecting 🐶s even if you want to decline the parallel, sir Libi: WELL Libi: you know my parents made lots of 📹 of their own Libi: and they had their own wedding, and I was bridesmaid then and my mum talked about if I ever had a wedding, and about Junior, Billie, Grace and Janis, their weddings they might have...I thought I could splice bits of her footage and audio with what I get on the day for Janis Libi: but, be honest, does that sound too depressing for words or? Libi: or like I'm making it all about ME and MY mum...I'm conflicted Bobby: I think it's a great idea, Cass would love it if she could have our mum there if she ever gets married, any bit of her Bobby: and that'll be like she's there Bobby: instead of everyone just 👀 an empty chair Libi: I'm glad you think so Libi: I'll probably run it by everyone else first but I can't really spoil the surprise for her beforehand Libi: I know I'd like it too, I think she will Bobby: even if it's a bit sad, it should be sad that your mum is missing it Bobby: and she'll get why you're doing it Libi: It's so strange Libi: seeing that I knew her Bobby: if you need a hand going through the footage, I'll put my concentration face on Bobby: I know there's loads Libi: Thanks 😌 Libi: I'll take you up on that Libi: luckily there is somewhat of a system but there's still a lot to go through, I don't want to miss anything Bobby: 📌📅 tomorrow? Libi: If that works for you Libi: that'd be 👍 Bobby: I'll wake you up 🍳🥓☕️ or the smoke alarm will Libi: 😂 Libi: If nothing, we'll have the ☕☕ Bobby: and I can work a 📱 whatever you wanna order Libi: Very impressive, Bobs Libi: could make you my 2nd unit DoP Bobby: 🙇🌹 Libi: Oh dear Libi: Venus is messaging me Libi: A lot Bobby: 😬 Libi: I think she thinks she's a bridesmaid too Bobby: but she knows how they're planning to do this Libi: Maybe she doesn't? But I'M pretty sure she's not Libi: this is awkward Bobby: you're busy, I'M keeping you busy Libi: She's 8, I can't be rude Libi: Why does she have her own account though 🤔 Bobby: she's 8, loads of other people are about to deal with her ❓❗ Bobby: you don't have to be the one who 💔👸🏽 Libi: 😬 AHH Bobby: put your 👟 on and leave your 📱 behind Bobby: that's my bright idea Libi: Where are we going 📌📅 today? Bobby: we'll let the 🐶s choose Libi: Okay Libi: but I need to bring the 📱 Bobby: I'll give it you back in case of an 🚨 Libi: 😖 Okay Libi: I'll let the adults deal with it before she finds out the 💳 she probably has too Libi: you're right Bobby: I'm saving you from an if where she gets it into her head that YOU'RE saying she can't be a bridesmaid Bobby: 'cause I can 👀 it happening Libi: That would not be good Libi: it's not like a thing thing, I'm only bridesmaid in name, really Libi: and Janis won't care if she wants to wear a massive dress Libi: it's fine Bobby: I can hide behind her when she does, problem solved Libi: We're both happy Libi: though you might have to duck a 🤏 Bobby: 🤞 I don't get taller beforehand Libi: How high do you think her 👠s will be? Libi: more fashionable than me already, that's for sure 😅 Bobby: high as 🌃 Bobby: but you'll be doing too much dancing to bother with any of that Bobby: 👣 Libi: Someone has to make sure you keep planted firmly on yours Bobby: or your video'll end up going viral for everyone to 😂🤣 at me and my moves Libi: Obviously, that's tempting 😉 Libi: but I did 🤞 so I'll stick to it Bobby: and I said you weren't 😈 which I wanna stick to Libi: Ideally, me too Bobby: 🤝 Libi: Just trying to get Killer's harness on 🙄 Libi: I'll be ten years 👌 Bobby: she don't wanna go, she'd just eat Venus instead Libi: Not before dinner ❌ Bobby: let's get 🍕 delivered to wherever we end up 🌳🥅🌼 Libi: Only if we can get ALL the dips Bobby: obviously Bobby: not gonna eat my crusts otherwise and Killer can't have every one of them Libi: No matter how hard she 🥺🥺 Bobby: I'll pretend I don't see her Libi: Good luck Bobby: not a patch on your 🥺 Libi: Well, don't take more than your fair share and I won't have to employ them 😋 Bobby: long as you give me my fair share, I won't have to take it Bobby: bigger half remains the going rate Libi: 😱 I was about to say Libi: how dare you suggest I take more when that's clearly you Libi: you didn't want to grow, remember Bobby: still time to convince someone a bit older into a dress like a meringue if you're not gonna hide me Libi: Grace might Libi: you could try her Bobby: 👌 Libi: OR even more thrilling, you could help me look for dresses over 🍕 Bobby: okay Bobby: one I really mean this time Libi: I really don't have a clue what to go for Libi: at least you know where you are with a suit Libi: or if she were that kind of bride and I just got told Bobby: you allowed to do whatever you want? Libi: Yup...It's a little daunting, actually Libi: maybe we should let Venus organize it Bobby: might be even more daunting if you did Bobby: we'll figure it out Libi: Us all in baby pink marshmallow gowns Libi: 🤐 okay, I'll take that back Bobby: 💐🎀👑🩰🧁✨ Libi: Cute for her and the twins Libi: I'll literally look like a 🐖 Bobby: whatever animal you wanna look like, we'll aim for that Bobby: but I'd have said 🦑 Libi: 😂 How is that any better? Bobby: camouflage is a skill they have, that benefits me Bobby: plus you have more legs to juggle 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 Libi: Good, solid arguments Libi: I'm convinced Bobby: didn't even bring up that you can shoot ink at predators Libi: I don't think that's a ➕ Libi: around all the 👗s Bobby: might be if there's a family argument Libi: 🤫 Libi: There won't be! Libi: 🥛 half full Bobby: Cass is coming but alright Bobby: 🤞 Libi: Yeah but Libi: no need for squid ink Bobby: 😇 Libi: You? Libi: 🤔 Bobby: everyone Bobby: on their best behaviour Libi: I won't be enforcing it Libi: not ☔️💃 Bobby: you'll be the mirrorball ✨💃 Libi: Only if you're dancing 😊 Bobby: only with you, not Venus Libi: We'll find ways to keep you looking busy if she 👀 Bobby: I'll hold your 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 as you're not going for a 🦑👗 Libi: All the arms would be useful in general Libi: Think how many 🐶s I could walk Bobby: but think how many 👶s you'd have to hold Libi: That is 75% of the guestlist Bobby: 🤞 she's not pregnant now Bobby: that's why loads of people get married Libi: They've been together forever Libi: I don't think it's that Bobby: me either Libi: Such a 🃏 Libi: if you want that family feud, just ask her if she is, I'm SURE she'll oblige 😏 Bobby: I don't have a death wish, Libs Bobby: or want a family 🥊 Libi: Good call Libi: all I want is 🍕 now and we're finally out the door Bobby: I wanna to find you a 👗 before Venus does but I do need 🍕 for that Libi: 💪 building is a must, of course Bobby: what's Astrid gonna wear? Bobby: be ideas there 🦚🦜🦋🐛 Libi: I'll ask her Libi: don't know if she starts her creative process early on or inspiration just comes to her Bobby: 👍 Libi: It'll be amazing, regardless Bobby: couldn't even deny that as 🃏 Bobby: I'll look so boring in my 🤵 next to you 2 Libi: Well I could never pull off half the 🦚🦜🦋🐛 she does Libi: and you won't look boring! You'll look handsome, and not at all like a mini-me now Bobby: you can pull off anything Bobby: and used to when you were lil Libi: I don't want to look lil now Libi: she looks cool, I wouldn't Bobby: you'll look and feel top of the world Bobby: the search is on Libi: You're the best Bobby: you Libi: 😊😌 Libi: Maybe I could wait to see your suits Libi: colour match? Bobby: we haven't done that for ages Libi: Does it make me a bit too Libi: Venus? Bobby: not if we don't choose pink Bobby: or gold Libi: An all-gold tuxe, stunning 😅 Libi: I'm fine with those stipulations Bobby: I'm not pulling off anything like that Bobby: but matching is like a proper wedding thing Bobby: you won't look lil Libi: Right, even if they aren't the types to insist, I don't think it'd make them mad either Libi: it'll give us some focus Libi: too many options Bobby: and an excuse to stay together Bobby: soz everyone who won't get to dance with me but Libi: We ARE the wedding party, however unofficial Libi: practically our jobs Bobby: there you go, it's come together Libi: Thank goodness for you Libi: I'd probably still be freaking out being NO help or fun right now if I didn't have you Bobby: you came with me to that bollocks school 💃🕺 with my whole year there this'll be loads better than that Bobby: nowt to worry about Libi: That was spectacularly lame Libi: but we made the best of it still Bobby: yep and we didn't need to get drunk how loads of them did Libi: Be a sorry state of affairs if we forgot how to have fun together without it Bobby: be some sort of head injury Libi: Not matching 🤕 🤕 Bobby: 😵😵 Libi: It is a family function Libi: possibly Bobby: you said no 🥊 Libi: I was thinking about all the 🥂s Bobby: 😲 you're thinking about getting me drunk! Libi: Don't say it like that! Libi: I just meant everyone else WILL be and we can have some Bobby: we should do it Bobby: you're right about the obvious opportunity Libi: Just to get more used to it Libi: so when we go to more 💃🕺 outside of school, we won't look lil either Bobby: yeah Bobby: we won't be 😳 Libi: I don't wanna get drunk Libi: just not recoil when I taste it Libi: 🤝? Bobby: tell me if the room's spinning when you've stopped 💃and I'll cut you off 🤝 Libi: It's a plan Libi: if your eyes go all 😵🥴 I'll take your bottle away too Bobby: long as you're making eye contact, that'll work Libi: My 👀s will do their best to keep up with yours, of course Bobby: 💃🕺 Bobby: can you 👀 me now? Libi: 👋 Libi: [and then 👋 IRL as you run up] Bobby: [hug her and probably have to disentangle the dog leads like your own rom com moment] Libi: [at least these old lady dogs won't be going as crazy god bless them, say now that obviously we sign everything for him as we speak 'cos duh, 'this is good practice for dancing' as you do the thing where you have to go under a lead and around] Bobby: [likewise just know that I'm obvs purely signing everything cos we don't speak but I'll still write it like speech cos it is 'in that case, nothing to worry about' touches his face like is there a 😳 and shakes his head like nope] Libi: ['I told you' and a big smile and checking our own face but like seriously hoping we're not blushing because he cute] Bobby: [an even bigger smile back because she's cute and we're glad she's not stressed any more] Libi: [giving Twix some love and treats as we head off 'Is Cass bringing anybody?'] Bobby: ['if she's going out with anyone, bringing them to a family wedding isn't gonna happen' cos true even though it's a scaled down family function] Libi: [nods like yeah, true 'I liked her last boyfriend, shame we can't invite him' 'cos what happened did you just decide to go back North or what] Bobby: [a look on his face like did you like him or did you LIKE him because we're jealous and you know it but we're doing the JJ move of acting like it's pure bants of course] Libi: [slapping at his arm like excuse you! but we're 😳 so it looks like you LIKED him even though obviously not you're just embarrassed to even be talking about this with him like we know why 'As if! He was just nice, and Cass had more fun when he was around'] Bobby: [a look like mhmmmm sure because we do think you like him now gal] Libi: ['that would be so inappropriate, ew' emphasizing the EW dramatically like stop it] Bobby: [a look like true you'd never do anything like that because we know her inside out and that she's never trying to rock the boat like that which is also a little bit true of him tbh cos Cass is the explosive one so we have to be the chill one to make Jimothy's life easier] Libi: [sigh like thank you and telling him about some girl in her year who's got a teacher crush 'I swear she thinks it's going to happen' and shaking her head like honestly] Bobby: [telling her about someone in his year who does too because it's always a thing and doing an even more dramatic ew than she did] Libi: [🙄 'Sometimes I think we're the only normal people around' and pulling a 🤪 face] Bobby: ['we deffo are' and obvs doing his own silly face back before putting his arm around her like that's why we gotta stick together forever thank you] Libi: [feelsy lean 'at least we don't have to worry about any of that, dates, and stuff'] Bobby: [an OTT dramatic sigh like yeah thank god that we actually do mean 'there's nobody at school I would take if I had a gun to my head' full offense to everybody lol] Libi: [can't help but smile, 'I don't think we're old enough to qualify for plus ones anyway' but nudges him conspiratorily 'no one, REALLY?'] Bobby: ['is there someone you would?' because that's how that sounds to us now, even though we clearly don't wanna get back onto talking about who she fancies] Libi: [shakes our head 'the boys are worse than the girls'] Bobby: [the amount of relief he'd have to hide is making me lol 'you sure you wanna go to more parties? drunk they'll be even worse'] Libi: [shrugs 'cos not really but we're growing up honey 'don't wanna miss out, do we?'] Bobby: [rallies because we don't wanna her to miss out because of us so we do an emphatic head shake like NO and we're on socials looking for any parties coming up because realistically there are probably some coming up always like why wait until after the wedding] Libi: [just peeping over his shoulder] Bobby: [let's say Asia's sister is having one after the suit shopping next weekend so he's like !? because do we want this to be our trial run lol] Libi: [a face like OH GOD 'cos we know she's the worst 'We don't have to'] Bobby: ['not much to lose, she already hates us and we know it won't be fun unless we make it' a shrug like it's so casual and we're not at all ! waiting for what she'll say] Libi: [just studying his face trying to work out what he wants without asking of course 'Could be funny, if not fun' 'cos we know she's tragic we don't need to be nice about her she's not family] Bobby: [likewise studying hers and her tone/body language like do you actually wanna do this or not 'we can just dance away if it's not' trying to reassure ourselves here as much as her which would be obvious] Libi: [does another twirl like yeah we can] Bobby: [control your 😍 please boy and do a IRL 🤝] Libi: [just keeping holding his hand as you walk these dogs] Bobby: [love that for you] Libi: [realising you need them for talking though so you literally only can when you're being quiet, which is quite cute] Bobby: [we stan a comfortable silence in this house and also please take lots of pics like you did when you were bubs around JJ's influence thank you] Libi: [of course, I'm going to try to be more artsy with it to bring in your parents influence too but obviously selfies are a must regardless] Bobby: [it do be why people think you're dating because his entire socials are literally gonna just be selfies of you two but I'm not soz] Libi: [people aren't just being straight and weird about it, people who actually know y'all] Bobby: [god bless] Libi: ['be good to see Jay again' also unrelated but not, I think this wedding should be around xmas time 'cos when they met okay] Bobby: ['it has been ages' because realistically probably has been because she'd only come back for big fam functions really because we're not grown yet and as we know Buster's bday is right by Matty's so she probably didn't do that in october so god knows when she was last here tbh] Libi: [ages in as much as she doesn't live here so deffo 'at least she won't know what to wear either' sounds like a drag, she's just not that girly as a kid we know] Bobby: [yeah and she's literally Bobby's age so you feel awkward at formal occasions then unless you're girly af and go in 'maybe she should go suit shopping too' again not a drag or pisstake] Libi: [nudging him 'you gonna ask her?' when you're pretending it's #bants but we're alerted lmao] Bobby: ['I think Jim wants it to just be us' because no offense Jay but he probably does want that bonding moment, factor in that when he's using his name he's using a feelsy sign for it like we know he has and that's true of everyone's name when we're talking IRL] Libi: [smiles like of course, jk jk, because you love how close they are] Bobby: ['Ava'll help her if she needs it' cos she always dresses amazingly and still would lbr] Libi: [nods because we are not worried about it 'she always manages to look cool too'] Bobby: [nudging her because we see you comparing yourself again gal and we think you're the coolest] Libi: [face like ugh soz 'cos can't help it but not trying to be that bitch though] Bobby: [drags her along like come on we're gonna run until your brain switches off which the dogs will love too] Libi: [run babies run] Bobby: [then dramatically flop onto the grass with her like breathless but 😁 in a very cinematic manner] Libi: [likewise because we do feel better for it 'how do you always know what will work?'] Bobby: ['years of practice?' not really a question because they've known each other forever so that is true] Libi: ['You deserve a raise' 'or a medal' and mimes putting one on him Bobby: [mimes breaking it and giving her half 'unlike the pizza, I'll let you have the bigger bit'] Libi: ['so kind' 😏 gets her phone out like speaking of 'usual?' 'cos of course we know these things about each other] Bobby: [nods and gets the dogs to bark that they also agree] Libi: [laughs 'none for them, remember'] Bobby: [looks away from the dogs like soz 'I promise' but 🤞 playfully where she still see it instead of behind his back like we might break that lol] Libi: ['soft touch' but we're clearly not mad] Bobby: [😲 but we're not offended] Libi: ['It's what we love about you' who's we like okay] Bobby: ['you won't be saying that when I put my foot down about taking your bottle away' I doubt she's gonna be an angry drunk and try and stop you that hard but okay, daddy energy of that statement excuse us] Libi: [😲 back at him 'I'm not that much of a brat, thank you!' but folds her arms and pouts like a kid for dramatic effect 'besides, if I say anything it'll be thanks for not letting me make a fool of myself'] Bobby: ['I'd never let that happen' sincere af because we wouldn't 'especially not at a party of China's' since she really do be the worst, doing a 📷 mime because it'd be all over socials] Libi: [shudders like oh god and is 😒 'make a change from her feed being full of her embarrassing behaviour but no thanks'] Bobby: [gets his phone and gestures her closer so they can watch her story together because honestly imagine we're 14 going on 24 now] Libi: [big yikes, big lols, also what was the other ones name/could we put her in Libi's year for double the amusement/potential] Bobby: [we did say she was the youngest one and the other one called America was like a bit younger than Cass but no reason we can't change that if we want to because we've only said it out of character so] Libi: [Like it doesn't truly matter I know but she was friends with a girl that looks like she could be Asia's sister, so maybe if America is in our year she could not suck as hard] Bobby: [I'm down for that, why not if you have stuff you can use] Libi: [Asia's mum could've got a new man for these two, who also peaced, a moment] Bobby: [that's very much a mood] Libi: [just thinking who's another bitchy but kinda goofy blonde hmm] Libi: [okay China=Imogen Poots America=Lia Marie Johnson] Bobby: [a good shout and it makes sense that you're bitchy gal because you're prettiest and clearly also smarter than Asia was so you're clearly your mum's fave and popular at school with your squad] Libi: [golden child, how nice for you madam] Bobby: [and I imagine her hating that her sister is friends with them on any level so that's some fun drama] Libi: [yeah, always good to have that fun level of not too deep going on] Bobby: [yeah we won't be going hard with it but there's things we can do through the years, though please don't also go to Trinity gal I'll die] Libi: [we won't let you, gotta have limits lol] Bobby: [anyway enjoy lightly mocking her socials kids because she thinks she's such hot shit] Libi: ['I bet she wears heels to her own house party'] Bobby: [showing her a picture of whatever she wore the last time she had one when they obvs didn't go like yep there they are] Libi: [when we're shooketh 'cos we're pretty casual at all times 'but she's at HER HOUSE' like we do not understand lmao] Bobby: ['her mum probably keeps her drinks in the top cupboard' we're obviously joking here because it's obvious her mum isn't the lock up her booze sort but she's adorable so we have to joke to distract us] Libi: [little lols 'should let me throw a party' because literally live with Fearghal, everyone would lose their shit lmao but we ain't gonna hens] Bobby: [does the walking fingers across her knee or wherever like baby steps gal because we've only just said about going to parties never mind throwing them 'you should leave her off the guest list' we don't like honey and we never will] Libi: [acting like it tickled so much to hide the 😳 we'd have, when we've collected ourselves/the dogs have stopped jumping all over us too 'she wasn't top of the list' and does a shh don't tell] Bobby: [lists off who the guest list would be but in a silly way like Venus, Cass' ex etc etc] Libi: [tutting any time it's a family member like shh but we're amused, and adding our own additions of unfavourable party guests] Bobby: [just getting sillier and sillier about it until we run out] Libi: ['I'd much sooner someone else's parent's house got trashed, like' and shrugs like not sorry] Bobby: [we're nodding because we clearly often hang out at mcvickers and like it there 'and that someone else got in trouble' because we see you gal always] Libi: ['is getting in trouble mandatory for parties?' like we're taking the piss but also like, why does there need to be any drama lol] Bobby: ['if anyone could change the way parties go, it's you' because everyone at school be throwing parties the same exact way, getting trashed and trashing the place but we know Libi could do it better] Libi: ['I'll add it to my to-do list' and doing a little ✔ in the air 'what would your best party be like?'] Bobby: [shamelessly gonna say he describes either one of his birthdays or hers when they were younger and in the peak of their bubby love] Libi: [you would've had some great birthdays lads, we're so happy and reminiscing] Bobby: [enjoy just reliving all those mems and then you can look a pics and stuff of you two on your phone instead of that bitch] Libi: [posting some throwbacks and talking more about your video ideas and stuff as it is related] Bobby: [love that and I also love thinking about how many times they would've watched the wedding video when they were bubs and wanted to get married] Libi: [RIP, so sweet and extra, also how shooketh Tess would've been by you makes me lol] Bobby: [one day you will get married, I hope Tess is still alive to see it] Libi: [my boo says hold on bitch lmao] Bobby: [looking down from heaven like] Libi: [aww, also go on the swings please whilst waiting for your pizza delivery] Bobby: [you gotta, soz dogs you amuse yourselves for a sec please] Libi: [we can throw a ball for you gals but you old so you might enjoy the rest too lol] Bobby: [have a little snooze huns we gotta push our bae on the swings for a bit before we get on because that's gentlemanly behaviour] Libi: [see how high you can get hun, some kids should come along and want a go, like little kids, so we're shamed like oh, I was acting like a baby, although Bobby was also swinging and we were having a nice time, such a difficult age] Bobby: [that's so real and also really hurt my heart so much excuse me being a hormonal bitch over here, play with the dogs guys, we gotta cheer the bae] Libi: [soz gal the insecurity be popping out] Bobby: [when you realise you didn't ask her what her ideal party would be like so you do] Libi: [describe what is essentially your dream wedding moment but leave out the wedding part 'cos that bitch] Bobby: [I'm FINE meanwhile Bobby be like 'alright now I wanna change my answer to that' because perfect sounding] Libi: [😁 'you're invited, of course'] Bobby: [hug her because she's adorable and you can hide your 😍 whilst still showing that we're buzzing] Libi: [you're so cute guys it's rude, lord knows this delivery better show up so you have to break up to eat] Bobby: [my boo says eat your pizza, I bet they have such a cute order like they probably make their own little weird thing, oh I love you two] Libi: [deffo one weird thing that NO ONE else would want ever but you two do] Bobby: [that's such a vibe and I feel like they'd have a million little things like that which other people think are weird (again not in a Ro way) when he gets with Cammie's mum she's gonna be like um no I won't be eating that] Libi: [just missing all those little things honey, a vibe] Bobby: [for now live for your best lives because we're evil and gonna put you through it] Libi: [we're so rude] Bobby: [I was thinking that the party should go badly for whatever reason so then they're even more determined at the wedding and they can get drunk which will be useful for us] Libi: [easily done, so many reasons not to be living] Bobby: [yeah exactly my thought, like you only need to feel slightly awkward/ like you're not keeping up and that'll lead on nicely] Libi: [if you like we can skip to getting ready for that party and do it in this convo, it's not long] Bobby: [why not, I said it was after the suit shopping so imagine all the cute pics he would've sent her] Libi: [Okay, so later on] Libi: Have you guys made a decision? 😄 Bobby: I think so 👍 Libi: Did you send me a 📸 or is it a total surprise? Bobby: I've held back on the 📸s of 🥇🥈🥉 Bobby: do you wanna 👀 the runners up or just skip to the winner I've saved to show you in person? 🤔 Libi: 🤔🤔 Libi: No, save it for in person Bobby: you sure? Libi: Yes, we're meeting up before this party, right? Bobby: yeah, it'll be ages before we can go there Bobby: getting there too early 🤓 Libi: Exactly Libi: even I know that Libi: and pre-drinks are a thing too, so I've heard Bobby: are you inviting the others for them? Libi: I hadn't really thought about it Libi: do you think they'll behave? Bobby: some of them might Libi: We could do then Libi: we won't be able to have hard stuff, just beers and that kind of thing Bobby: we probably shouldn't go too hard before the party, knowing how they end Libi: I'll invite them then 👍 Libi: tell them to save their bottles for the party too Bobby: don't tell them I said to be 🐢🐌 Bobby: not very 😎 Libi: It's me who wants it Libi: but it's okay, nans home so I can blame her 😬 Bobby: it's me too Bobby: I don't wanna fall over before I've had chance to 💃🕺 Libi: Of course I can count on you to understand Libi: what's the point of showing up somewhere to socialize and being incapable of it because you're wasted? Libi: I see the merit in being a little buzzed but Libi: it sounds 🤓 when it's just logical Bobby: no merits to 🥴🤢🤮 Bobby: she'll have a lovely bathroom but I don't wanna spend the whole party on the floor of it Libi: I have 0 plans to go that far anyway Libi: surely that's more embarrassing than being naive about it Libi: anyway, I'd never be let out again if I did so ❌ Bobby: and I don't wanna go out and about without you so ❌ Libi: I wouldn't be allowed if you weren't there Libi: I think it helps, that we know who the family is too, even if they have no idea what a nightmare China really is, at least she's not some 😱😱 stranger who's running some kind of kiddy crack den or whatever goes through parental 🧠s Bobby: we've gone from cute 🐶 to guard 🐶 Bobby: is that progress? 💪😎 Libi: 🙄😏 No pressure, or anything Libi: obviously, I'm perfectly capable but Libi: always the but Bobby: challenge accepted, even though it isn't one to keep you out of trouble Libi: You're welcome for the easy life then 😉 Bobby: if you could just dress me like Jim did earlier then it really would be Libi: Okay but seriously Libi: what do we wear Libi: not that the dress code is going to be the same for us but Bobby: I'm not wearing 👠 that's cuter when you're lil 🤴👸 Libi: you've had the growth spurt, you don't need to Libi: another plus to inviting the others Libi: take a vote so my whole wardrobe doesn't end up on the floor Bobby: if you're thinking about taking it to a vote you're overthinking it Libi: 😰😰 Bobby: just choose something that don't make you feel 😳😳 if China's going to say something she will whatever it is Libi: If it were that easy Libi: She's so Libi: ugh Bobby: why can't it be? Bobby: I could close my 👀 and grab something that you'd end up looking great in Libi: Maybe all my clothes are awful and I've only just realized tonight Libi: so inconvenient 😂 Bobby: come on, Libs Bobby: I know you trust me not to let you walk around looking 😳 Libi: I know Libi: I'm just freaking out for no reason Libi: she always thinks she looks better than everyone, like you said, what I wear doesn't matter Bobby: not no reason, just a bollocks one Bobby: if you wanna swap wardrobes, we haven't done that for ages either but I'm in Libi: Considering how #shamed I'll be if I don't opt for 👠👗 Libi: save that for another day Bobby: you're dressing for 💃🕺 with me not auditioning for her Bobby: any day Libi: dancing in 👠s sounds more dangerous than 🍾 Libi: noted ✔ Bobby: we're gonna have fun Bobby: tell your 🧠 Libi: We always do Libi: I'm going to cheer up Libi: Am says she's invited SO many people, she probably won't even notice we're there Libi: we can 💃🕺 unbothered all night Bobby: a bit relieved I won't have to have my face painted like a 🐺 to improve things this time Bobby: dunno if I could still pull that off Libi: 'course you could Libi: but Jimmy might be a bit busy, all things considered Libi: 🤞 she's hired the lady again Libi: 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 Bobby: I bet it'll be 🍣 this time Bobby: 🤞 not off some poor lad Bobby: be wishing I was blind instead Libi: Bobby! Libi: 😂 That's horrific Libi: worse than anything I've been warned against Bobby: soz! Bobby: it's not her 🎂 she'll probably have toned it down 🤏 Libi: I should hope so Libi: maybe she'll have gone 50/50 and we can eat 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 off some dude Libi: I'll be able to tolerate that Bobby: chuffed for YOU Bobby: won't catch me eating anything off anyone Libi: Spoilsport 😜 Bobby: you started drinking already? Bobby: offering yourself up as a 🍽 don't sound like something sober you would do Libi: I didn't! Libi: You're 📑 between the lines, I think Bobby: 🤔👌 Libi: It's most offensive you think I'd start without you Libi: how rude when you're stuck suit shopping Bobby: I bet China has Libi: If you were Jake Gallagher, what would YOU find more attractive? A girl who can keep up and hold her drink, or a girl who goes hard and blacks out Libi: that's who she's after right now, so I've heard Bobby: 🍾🥂💅💄 all just part of getting ready for her Bobby: what's his? the sniff test and shots Bobby: sounds like 💘 to me Libi: Second best option, least in her head Libi: she can't get you so, I guess Bobby: she don't want me Bobby: the real question is, why are you asking me about Jake's POV? Libi: Only because she's shot herself in the foot by being a bitch to you Libi: Because whatever kind of girl she reckons he's into, is what she'll be being tonight Libi: and you're a boy, so you'd know Bobby: I'm not the same kind of boy as him Libi: Yeah but precisely 0 of the boys at school are as nice as you Bobby: which lads aren't being nice to you? Libi: No one's not being nice to me Libi: but there's a reason you're my best friend Bobby: you can tell me, just 'cause I can't have a conversation with them don't mean I can't make them understand that they need to treat you nicer Libi: This is why you're trusted to keep me safe Libi: not calling you 🐶cute don't worry Bobby: you're my best friend, you can call me what you like Libi: Well now I just have to come up with the most ridiculous nickname, obviously 😏 Bobby: after a few drinks that'll come easy Bobby: I've heard that's how it works Libi: I won't tell Astrid it's your new sign name or anything Bobby: she'll make it stick if you do Libi: Exactly why we'll keep it secret Libi: I know deaf etiquette but you know the rest of 'em'll be asking for the story Bobby: and you don't want the story to be that you were pre-drinking Libi: UM, I'm protecting you from the story being you was 🥳😵🥴 and then... Bobby: oh NOW I get it, tah for being my hero Libi: SO welcome 😚 Libi: and I am not pre-drinking yet Bobby: you want me to go first in case everything we try is 🤢 Libi: 1. I KNOW beer is and I KNOW wine is so I don't know what I'm even going to start with 2. Even China isn't sad enough to be drinking alone, she'll have her mates there, like Bobby: what if it's really ALL 🤢? what are we gonna do? Libi: I'll bring a massive bag as part of my ensemble and we can just mix everything with the coke I hide in it Libi: I've got one we could at least fit 2 2l bottles in Bobby: my actual hero Libi: You'll have to carry it for me there so don't be too thankful yet Bobby: how many batteries will I have to carry for your 📹? Libi: I can kick it disposable Libi: don't need her 🔊😘 in my memories forever Bobby: relieved I don't lip read so girls can't use that to say I'm flirting with them 👀💋 Libi: They're 💔 Libi: also clearly think you still do, half of them Bobby: faking it and playing a really really long game Libi: 🙄 Honestly Libi: They think there's only one way to be deaf, is why Bobby: bit awkward that I'm doing it wrong Libi: How dare you, like Bobby: about as awkward as the BRIGHT lights this party would need for anyone to lip read Bobby: the things we'd 👀... Libi: 🤐 Libi: at least I can freely tell you all the good bits I do overhear without looking like a massive gossip Bobby: yeah, I'll be 💔 if I don't find out about Jake's ✔s and ❌s Libi: Yeah, 90% of it is really boring Libi: but there must be something decent in the 10% to make it worth going, right? Bobby: we're about to find out 🤞 Libi: 😎 Bobby: is Am coming or is it too close to home? Libi: Coming to us or coming to the party? Bobby: 😂 both questions work Libi: She's lowkey got to be there, I think, or go to her nans which she's almost as 😒 about Libi: their mum is at her boyfriends Libi: he's lasting, hence the increase in parties Libi: I'll invite her even though it probably feels counterproductive, so at least she can have fun here before going back Bobby: tell her I said I NEED her to teach me how to drink Libi: 😂 How could she refuse Bobby: she won't Libi: Careful, don't wanna sound like Jake Bobby: 🤐 Libi: She's down though Libi: China is fully telling her she HAS to go to their nans, like she's got a leg to stand on Bobby: 👶ing her is DEFFO gonna make her do anything Libi: Seriously, she acts like she's so much older, it's ridiculous Bobby: makes me feel like I should give Cass some kind of sister award Libi: Don't have to wait 'til she gets hitched to do a 📼 Bobby: I probably do Bobby: or at least wait for her 21st Libi: Right, she's not the sentimental sort Libi: or IS she? 🤔🤫 Bobby: when it's about our mum Libi: It's understandable Libi: even if it's hard to Bobby: yeah Libi: What about you? Bobby: what about me? Libi: How are you feeling about it? Bobby: it's not like there's anything new to feel Bobby: it's been ages since she was even a real person to me Libi: Your feelings could change, even if the situation hasn't Libi: But I understand what you mean too Bobby: it's different for her, she has loads more memories Bobby: I don't even know if mine are proper ones or just something I made up 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: It is a different sort of loss Libi: more, what you could've had, not what you did Libi: it's the same for me, compared to everyone else Bobby: I don't feel like I missed out on anything Bobby: Jim didn't let me Libi: That's what's important Bobby: it's a bit rude to him that Cass acts like she'd have been better off having mum back Libi: She clearly isn't thinking about that Libi: it is though, but in terms of her priorities, she can sort being a bit rude out later Bobby: she wasn't a mum like yours, anyone would miss that Libi: that's because she was 15, just a kid herself Libi: like all the fun we had with Jim and Janis Libi: your mum was a proper adult, things get messy and difficult Bobby: you can still 👀 she was and would've been a good mum, how much she loves you is on every 📼 Bobby: as a proper adult mine should've done better, is what I think Libi: She definitely should've Libi: maybe Cass just wants to tell her as much Libi: I don't know Bobby: maybe she wants someone else to be 😡 at Bobby: dad isn't gonna change if she shouts at him Libi: Hope's a powerful thing Libi: whilst there's still a chance there's still a chance Bobby: feels like a dangerous thing if you're holding onto it for either of my parents but what do I know Libi: Probably is Libi: but maybe the way she sees it is your dad has blown it and your mum has a final chance to Bobby: officially she's dead though, they don't just decide that if they think someone's coming back Libi: I know Libi: it takes a lot of factors to make it seem official though Libi: maybe more for her than you Bobby: I think it should count for something that she's been gone longer than she's been around Bobby: you've never even met her and I've known you forever Libi: Probably don't need to ask if it's worth having this conversation with her? Libi: 😡 Bobby: she's the deaf one on that subject Bobby: even my dad's said more about her than Cass has Bobby: all 🤬 obviously but still Libi: Of course Libi: you can always talk to me Libi: don't need to be pre-drunk or anything Bobby: what's the deaf version of slurring, do you think? Bobby: signs that don't make sense? Libi: It'll be like an experiment 😁 Libi: maybe you forget all the signs like people do the right words Bobby: it'll probably be like when Janis was learning and kept getting everything slightly wrong for ages but was still doing it really confidently Libi: 😂 exactly like that Libi: as long as I don't start shouting again Bobby: 😂 Libi: I shouldn't forget you don't 👀💋 Bobby: I hate the idea that we won't understand each other Bobby: if we forget everything or whatever Libi: that's not going to happen Bobby: how do you know? Libi: 'cos it just never will Libi: we'll always be able to understand each other Bobby: we'll still have body language Libi: and telepathy Libi: if we try hard enough Bobby: unless we're too 😵 to have proper 💭s either Libi: I can still read your muddled ones Bobby: I don't wanna talk myself out of this but I Bobby: need to be able to talk to you Libi: We're not going to get that drunk Libi: we don't have to if we don't want to, and I don't want to Bobby: alright Libi: If it stops being fun we'll slow down Libi: or just keep drinking coke and pretending there's vodka in there Bobby: 🤝 Libi: 🤝 Libi: and Am is going to teach us Libi: we'll be pros Bobby: I'm overthinking it, must be my go Libi: I started it and put too much pressure on you Libi: it'll be like any other party Libi: we'll do our own thing and it'll be good Bobby: nah, it's not your fault that most people there couldn't talk to me sober Libi: 😞 Libi: we'll find a party Libi: where you can talk to everyone you want Bobby: that sounds like a 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: A good one though? Bobby: I don't know Bobby: a weird one Libi: There's bound to be groups or social shit, there's plenty of schools, I bet they put stuff on Libi: you'd only have to endure those a few times if they were really lame to find people to hang out with outside of it Bobby: there's no expecting Cass to go back and be mates with anyone or everyone who's a bit northern Libi: that's why you have to find the decent people out Bobby: I've found you, don't get any better than that Libi: 🥰 Libi: I'm pleased to hear you don't plan to totally replace me Bobby: couldn't if I wanted to Bobby: irreplaceable, you Libi: You practising your lines on me? Bobby: is it working? Libi: Who are you practising for? Bobby: China, obviously Libi: Don't even joke! 😷 Bobby: I'd get alcohol poisoning before I was drunk enough to go near her Libi: I'd drag you home before you made such a bad decision Bobby: I've got your back with Jake too Libi: I'm not going anywhere near Jake Libi: plus he's 15 isn't he? Libi: doubt he's actually interested in her nevermind me Bobby: didn't get an invite to any of his 🎂🥳 so I can't say for sure Libi: Rude of him Libi: they'd be a great couple Bobby: 💘 like I said Libi: Okay Cupid, you were right Libi: how are you going to make it happen? Bobby: they don't need my help Bobby: perfect for each other Libi: 🙄 Libi: Happy for them 👏 Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: well convincing performance there, Libs Libi: I'll be ready by the time we get there Libi: 🙇 Bobby: and I'll be ready if Jake needs to borrow any lines to win her over Libi: An interesting twist on Cyrano Libi: he's going to need to understand sign though Libi: or it'll be you to me to Jake to China Libi: no 🔺 all ⬛ Bobby: if he can read I'll pass him a note 💌 Libi: Oh Libi: DUH Libi: keep the words short and he shouldn't struggle that much Bobby: but I think Netflix would prefer it your way ⬛ Libi: Probably Libi: the more convoluted the better Libi: gotta get multiple series Bobby: at least 7 Bobby: we're in our late 20s by the middle Libi: definitely should be out of school, should definitely be over this #drama Bobby: definitely should 👀 some of those plot twists coming Libi: 5 relationships and 3 murders in Libi: Started out so innocent Bobby: or did we 😉 Libi: 😱 Libi: If you've been the killer this whole time Libi: disappointing Bobby: is it? Bobby: 💔 Libi: Of course, I trusted you Libi: Great dramatic speech though, if you don't end the finale by killing me too Bobby: you can still trust me, I did it all to keep you safe Libi: Now THAT'S 🎬🌹 Bobby: 🙇 Libi: Bet we'd even get a shitty spin-off Bobby: 12 episodes Libi: give us a weird looking baby Libi: still getting into drama though Bobby: 🐶 too Libi: the dog can be cute Bobby: have you ever 👀 one that isn't? the real question Libi: Some of the pure breeds but that's not their fault Libi: still cute they just might make me sad Bobby: ❌😢 Libi: *😿*🐶 Bobby: 🥺 Libi: Well that's not fair Libi: don't just bring out the puppydog eyes with no warning Bobby: the warning was 😿🐶 Libi: well I think that's playing dirty Bobby: how is it? Libi: 🥺 is last resort Bobby: do it back and we'll be even Libi: [selfie 'cos duh] Libi: When are you gonna come over? Libi: It's not cool to be early to the party but when is it acceptable to start the pre-party? Bobby: we're on our way back, we can start it then Bobby: I'll just need to grab my 👗👠 Libi: Of course Libi: feel free to send those 🥉🥈🥇 options Bobby: how many do you have? Libi: I think 2 Libi: well, 3, but that's the one I think is utterly ridiculous but you might tell me it's right Libi: then one more casual and one that's what I'm assuming the 😎 girl would wear Bobby: don't worry about 📷s I'll 👀 when I get there Bobby: for the full 💃 effect Libi: as long as it's before the others get here Libi: don't want to look like I'm showing off Bobby: we won't tell them the pre-party's started, it's alright Libi: 👍😅 Bobby: I'll grab [food from place they like 1] and [food they like from place 2 that doesn't work together for anyone else but is one of their weird combos] then I can't 🤔 for too long before it'll go cold Libi: Now THAT is a 💡 Libi: I'm starving 😋 Bobby: me too, that's how I knew you would be Libi: fainting would really make us look lightweight Bobby: if it was just one of us we could probably turn it into a 🕺💃 move Bobby: both, not so much Libi: I can hold you up Bobby: not if you're wearing 👠 for the first time Libi: It's not the FIRST time Bobby: trying them on and deciding you don't like them doesn't count Libi: 😣 Rude Bobby: you don't have any secrets from me, I know everything you've done and not done Libi: or do I? 🤔 Bobby: I'll get you to tell me whatever it is Libi: Oh really? Bobby: yep Libi: Good thing I don't really have any then Bobby: 🤔 that's what someone with loads of secrets WOULD say Libi: 😂 make up your mind Bobs Bobby: once I've read yours Libi: Go ahead Bobby: 👀 Libi: All I'm thinking about is the food now Bobby: I'm 🏃ing in Libi: Step on it 👏 Libi: jk Bobby: hang on in there, Libs Bobby: ⏲❗ Libi: I'm SO patient Bobby: there's a MASSIVE queue though Libi: Well that's rude Libi: don't they know we've got places to be Bobby: I'll write down how much I miss you and wave the paper at them Libi: I've missed you too Libi: you've got to tell me all about today before we go anywhere Bobby: I've got an impression of the salesbloke you have to see Bobby: he didn't have your patience with us Libi: That's literally half his job, humouring people until they buy something Bobby: maybe he was starving too Bobby: or missing someone Libi: In the show he'd definitely have a tragic backstory that made it alright he was so rude Bobby: definitely �� Libi: 🤔 Libi: Maybe his son died young and he never got to buy suits with him so now he works there to punish himself because the accident was his fault Bobby: ❗ you should be one of the show's writers ❗ Bobby: wasted in the ⬛ Bobby: I was gonna say his husband to be died on the way to the wedding Bobby: he hated the suit he chose but he HAD TO ⚰ him in it Libi: Ooh, that's good too Libi: maybe his husband wanted to wear a dress but the family said no Bobby: he did manage to sneak 👠s on him before the burial but Libi: a tasteful 3-inches, nothing crazy Libi: 😂 Libi: I wish people were as interesting as we give them credit Bobby: might be when you find all these ✨Deaf people✨ Libi: Look, I didn't promise they'd be magical Libi: just that you can have the same experience talking to boring people at parties as everyone else Bobby: if they're not riding 🦄 I don't want it Libi: It was just a suggestion but alright, stick with me and my 🦄 Libi: **donkeys my grandma has Bobby: I will Bobby: 🤞 things don't go so far with Jake tonight that China needs to borrow one Libi: 😏 Libi: She wishes she was still in her glory days Bobby: I think she thinks she is Libi: I'm not casting her Bobby: ❌🎬🌹 Libi: Get a dodgy lookalike for the ⬛ Libi: she'll be fuming Bobby: Am would do it Bobby: she's great at the impression Libi: Depends which way this ⬛ is going to go Bobby: you don't want her with Jake either, I get it Libi: I don't want anyone with Jake Libi: he'll have to be murdered before anything real can happen Bobby: 1st victim Bobby: end of episode 1 Libi: They won't see it coming Bobby: he won't, everyone else will see it slow motion as the 1st scene and over and over as a flashback Libi: You're SO troubled Bobby: ☔🎻 Bobby: put a black hoodie on me Libi: Seriously Libi: You don't think it's a bit 😬 to cast you as the villain? Libi: like all the Bond villains with the deformities and queer coding Bobby: I already don't speak, that's every high school outcast Libi: That's also your brother Bobby: but let him get to 30 before you cast him Bobby: 😒🔪 Libi: or let him get to 35 and he can be your dad Bobby: he'll be VERY chuffed about that Libi: don't tell him I said that Bobby: 🤐 Libi: When do you think they'll have babies? Bobby: we might've put them off Libi: At least for a while Libi: my nan is SO welcome 😁 Bobby: warn her I'm on my way Libi: She likes you really Bobby: 😁 Libi: That's EXACTLY how she feels Bobby: I know Libi: Are you sleeping over after? Bobby: yeah Bobby: none of the others are, right? Libi: No, I've not asked them Libi: they'll give the game away, we can be 🤫 and act sober Bobby: or actually be sober if we want Libi: exactly Libi: I don't trust half of 'em, no offence Bobby: not enough of them have 👀 your nan 😤 Libi: I trust Beck but Am...not so much Libi: guess China taught her how to drink young 🙄 Bobby: she's gonna be ON one tonight Bobby: we'll have to 👀 out for her Libi: 👶sitting Libi: what about the guys? Libi: I've never seen them drinking, I don't think Libi: even if they SWEAR they do, all the time Bobby: you should ask them what Bobby: that'll expose the truth Bobby: 1 🍺 last St Patrick's day or whatever Libi: 🤔🔎 on the case Bobby: while I 🏃 to get the last bit of our order Libi: 🤗 Bobby: are you watching China's story? 😲🍿 Libi: ❓❗ Bobby: ❗❗ Bobby: I had no idea a house party was SUCH a big deal Libi: Oh God Libi: let me go see Libi: the boys are being coy, hold on lads Bobby: I call bollocks if they're trying to say it's 🥃🍸🍹 all the time Libi: Oh, they are for SURE lying Libi: I just want to know how much they've actually done it before so we know how hard we need to 👀 Libi: but OH GOD Libi: 😰😥 Bobby: like, is SHE gonna ride in on a 🦄 Libi: I'm going to be so underdressed Libi: and without a steed Libi: 😱😱😱 Bobby: I'll give you a piggyback in Bobby: and you'll look 🥇 Libi: She's really gone IN Libi: Jesus Bobby: was this a bad idea? Libi: Maybe? Libi: it's too late to back out now though Libi: all the others have been invited Bobby: 😳😳😳 Libi: How do we make this okay? Libi: Aside from looking after each other Bobby: and looking 😎 Libi: Don't leave me alone with any dude Libi: I am not in the right shoes to kick anyone in the balls Bobby: I won't leave you alone unless you're going 🚽 and even then, probably take Beck Libi: and you'll have to let me know if you want to be left alone with any one Libi: otherwise I won't either Bobby: I don't want to be left alone with anyone but you Libi: Then I won't 🤞🤝 Bobby: 🤞🤝 Libi: [we can skippity to any point or just vibe out how we want the pre-party with friends to be/the actual party, whatever's cool] Bobby: [let's plot it and see how we get on, like obvs you're having your weird food when he gets there and then he's gonna help her pick an outfit by making her do some silly dancing in each] Libi: [having a lovely time when it's just you two frankly] Bobby: [that's the tea, have you got a vibe for how you want pre-drinks to be?] Libi: [I think some of you, aka America 'cos there's no way to avoid how messy and sad she looks, and probably some of the boys whatever, are already going harder so you two cuties are like oh] Bobby: [she definitely has that vibe as we were both trying to put across in this convo without just calling her a messy bitch lol so that feels legit] Libi: [we should probably map out your main group at some point hennys but yeah, she's definitely a mess god bless, and I'm saying the Beck girl is more chill] Bobby: [at least give them names and roughly decide how many there are roughly, is Beck Rebecca Black or is she a friend that Libi gets later on?] Libi: [Yeah I think you can be Rebecca Black, there's a gal or 2 others she's consistently friends with but I'll use you 2 for now minimum] Bobby: [could be those gals and 2 or 3 boys then as like the core group and obvs Astrid but idk if you're coming to this party hen cos you are only 11 but also Drew is your dad so] Libi: [yeah I doubt you're dying to come to this but you can if you wanna] Bobby: [I feel like you'd love a party hen so you'd wanna come but then get there and be like oh because it's not the kind of party you imagined] Libi: [You probably know China sucks] Bobby: [you'd tell her to her face lbr so don't go gal] Libi: [she'd be worse to you than she is to Bobby, if she's ever acknowledged you so let us not] Bobby: [honestly, you don't need that in your life] Libi: [when someone else has a party, one of us or one of the gang] Bobby: [doesn't really matter but are saying all these friends are in Libi's year or are any from Bobby's] Libi: [I feel we could have a mix but 'cos of the deaf moment maybe there's like one decent lad or two from his year that are his friends, know what I mean] Bobby: [yeah that feels real, we're on the same page as per] Bobby: [I feel like that's probably the lad that's going too hard and America probably wants to get with him cos older but not to a creepy extent] Libi: [I vibe it, we can give you a face boy, but we just hang with lots of people casually but we don't have to name you all unless we wanna] Bobby: [yeah we said that Libi is lowkey friends with everyone unless they're dicks so, is there a lad the America girl's face gets with in that show we could use or is it just Noah?] Libi: There's another one, 'cos one of the storylines of s1 from what I can gather is he's Claudia's bf but cheating with America's face who's her bff, so predictable, we could use him maybe, I'll have a look] Bobby: [doesn't matter if he's not cute because we know she's a messy bitch so] Libi: [none of the lads are really but they're useable and we know Bobby's the cute one soz] Bobby: [she's blatantly the cutest girl as well not soz] Libi: [we know it's true even though we're not dicks about it] Bobby: [@ China calm yourself you're not that special] Libi: [seriously there's no need hen] Bobby: [thank god we can all mock you during these pre-drinks] Libi: [might find a ridiculous photo of some hoe outfit for you just to amuse myself] Bobby: [did you pick a Claudia outfit?] Libi: [not an outfit but a disposable esque photo and I'll just go from that, as we're not living laughing loving not gonna waste a lewk] Bobby: [other than obvs dancing can you think of anything else cute that could happen at this party before they leave?] Libi: [Hmm what's unwittingly cute and something you think just pals do but everyone else is like ok couple umm] Bobby: [taking loads of pics is a given] Libi: [definitely, idk why my mind has gone blank, again, apart from the obvious fact that people would try to flirt with both of you and we shut that down lmao] Bobby: [literally not leaving each other's side is pretty damn coupley tbh and he is carrying her stuff for her as well, like I picture them going off on their own for ages as well to like the garden or wherever so people think things about that because you can't even use the excuse you can't hear yourselves talking over the music lol but actually we're just shooketh about how wild this party is] Libi: [when you're just trying to hide from everyone else sincerely lmao, when your mum is so dickmatized that she lets you get up to drama and lowkey wreck the house every weekend, gal, just thinking it's bants like oh having teens] Bobby: [she's probably lowkey a bit stupid like Asia was, hence an easy target for shit men] Libi: [mhmm, soz to you gals] Bobby: [also soz to the squad but as soon as the bf appears we are leaving because Bobby will be like I recognise this energy and I have to peace] Libi: [can we call him gary tah] Bobby: [I was thinking about it and like realistically Bobby probably only moved in with JJ pretty recently aka when Cass went to uni and they weren't gonna leave him alone because Ian's not just gonna let them take him when they're 18 and even if they could they are living in the flat above the pub and like Janis has her modelling and they travel for that for a while so yeah that hit me bye] Libi: [yeah it's a couple of years at most] Bobby: [lowkey heartbreaking but anyway] Libi: [we know it's worse when Jimmy is there no offence boy but Ian picks on you is what I mean, he lowkey just ignores Bobby which is rude but easier to deal with when they're still around making sure you're good] Bobby: [mhmm] Libi: [but yeah, gotta remember that, now you probably live above the pub still but you'll probably be moving into their new house soon that they have when the bubs[ Bobby: [yeah you might've already moved into there before getting married, just depends how jj decide to be living and spending those modelling funds] Libi: [how exciting, and there's a room for you boy, until you are with child lmao then you gotta share or go into the basement moment] Bobby: [it makes me happy in my heart] Libi: [I think we should say you've bought it and then have a honeymoon and then start moving in because there's usually decorating and cleaning and all that good times to do] Bobby: [that feels right, I agree] Libi: [Bobby should already be planning to stay with mcvickers and Libi 'cos fuck you Ian] Bobby: [we have to because imagine all the cuteness and yeah mcvickers would like him because he's just a nice chill boy unlike all of theirs lol] Libi: [they could go after xmas so a bit of it like a week ish is in the holibobs, or if they went literally just after xmas and before NY, you could do the full 2 and do nye together] Bobby: [love that] Bobby: [and I'm still having you sleep over tonight boy even though you've probably been at that party for like a couple of hours at most so you can stay up talking about how wild everyone is and the Gary situation] Libi: [got to debrief, what's your deal gary] Bobby: [another question is are we saying you've been around a while or has it all just started happening and your mum is being extra] Libi: ['cos 2 different but equally as potential giving moods, 'cos if it's fast that's like AHH but if he's been being a dick for a while, then it's already established, fair, we are going to be forward to do most of Bibi so perhaps it's like he's just shown up on the scene now but she's had a few before and they never last?] Bobby: [yeah like he's already lasted longer than her usual who bounce after a few dates but it hasn't been ages yet] Libi: [like they already had some stability issues from their own dads fucking off but when this one lasts and is then an arsehole, it can get steadily worse, maybe even though their mum is p crap now she totally changes towards 'em too] Bobby: [exactly and it's okay to go to your nans sometimes but you can't both lowkey move in when things get more serious for this notp, literally imagine being your mum's shameless fave and then it's like well I only live and breathe for this man now so] Libi: [I vibe that she's always like this when she gets a boyfriend, one of those that is obsessed but they never last so we're back to all about me and my gurls but then this one don't leave so she's just 😍 and they're like teens so she's like you don't even need me as much now anyway yeah? byeeeee] Bobby: [that is such a real energy and reminds me of a Jacqueline book tbh I'm so invested] Libi: [maybe the vibe is when this goes down China and America have to get closer because they've both been forced out, so then that's how we get them both in the circle, it'd probably make sense for you to be America, 'cos that's the established relationship so far with Libi, and it'd probably be more interesting to build with China, but we can also do sibling shit and America getting to know Bobby more because she's more Libi's friend atm] Bobby: [I'm so excited about this, not soz to the giantness of gen 4] Libi: [we can totally put a pin in this and skip forward to do some of this if you like]

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dirtpie39 · 6 years ago

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(SPOILERS) Wow... I'm actually pretty in awe right now cause of kakegurui S2 episode 10...

🥰🤩🤩🥰

My favorite episode of kakegurui used to be episode 11 of season 1 after seeing the gamble between yumeko, kaede and itsuki! But this episode was so SO much better...

It was really aesthetically pleasing first off with the big light blue moon in the background and eye-catching white lilies covering the ground everywhere around the tower. It's what really drew me at first into these last two-ish episodes of the gamble between Yumeko and sayaka. The entire time sayaka’s in the tower she's thinking about Kirari which is understandable considering she bet her relationship with her in order to do this match. But what made me happy is that we end up getting to see how Sayaka first became Kirari’s secretary during their first year at hyakkaou academy. It's not just the lovely background that made this scene so awesome though. When Sayaka ends up jumping her final words before she jumps are ”you are my one true love, president” with the sweetest look in her eyes and face... That really made my heart skip a beat. And I know in an earlier post I called Sayaka ”kirari’s b*tch” (which still applies) but honestly even then when I posted that I still did love Sayaka’s character then too. This scene with her and kirari just furthered my love for them. But anyway when she is then falling and her eyes practically pop out of their sockets at the sight of kirari coming towards her in the air... My eyes widened a good bit too at that cause I was just like ”WTF... Are they both just gonna die now... Is this going to end as some kind of sentimental tragedy??” but then when they landed and kirari lets out a cute asf laugh I physically relaxed. Also, the fact that right when it shows they landed on the ground I couldn't help but notice how it looked as though their hands were linked... That's super freakin cute!! My heart got so melty when kirari explained that she didn't quite understand Sayaka either cause of how she consciously and even subconsciously sticks to logic... It showed that they have their not understanding of each other in common. But to top it off kirari, like when Sayaka first became her secretary, said ”I find you fascinating. Sayaka igarashi. Now that we’re strangers, I'll make you an offer. Would you become my secretary? How about it? We can negotiate the terms.” and her saying that was so perfect! Since it did go along with what the bets of the gamble were and it fixed what would be Sayaka’s broken heart by simply having a do-over sorta thing with kirari. Then kirari stands up offering Sayaka her hand to stand up as well which is seen on the key visual of that kakeguri season 2 thing I posted a while ago and even though they don't actually put any emphasis on that part specifically it still was really really cool to see the things we saw on that visual happen in the anime. Also I looked up the meaning of lilies in the language of flowers and they mean ”the soul of that departed has restored innocence after death” and this can pretty much be shown in kakegurui by the fact that Sayaka pretty much almost dies and has her innocent love for kirari restored!!! Plus we all throughout the series see sayaka’s extreme devotion to kirari which is another meaning of lilies... I found this a really clever choice of flower for this episode after reading what lilies mean!

I'm gonna stop here cause otherwise this ramble of mine would go on forever but before I do I wanna say two more things... One being that while Sayaka is laying down with kirari looking down at her I noticed sayaka’s eyes looked like really really pretty purple crystals! Two being that I absolutely loved hearing kirari talk about sayaka’s supposedly ”irresistible rationalness”... It gave me such a warm feeling inside. 🤩😆😍😊😍😆🤩

#賭��グルイコスプレ #賭ケグルイ #kakegurui season 2 #kakegurui xx #kakegurui s2 #kakegurui #s2 #episode 10 #ep 10 #yumeko jabami #kirari momobami #sayaka igarashi #sayaka x kirari #kirayaka #yuri #anime #just me

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hobiheavenly · 6 years ago

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Karma’s Cravings pt. 3 (MYG)

✧ Min Yoongi x Reader

✧ Multichapter, Coffee Shop AU, E2L

✧ Warnings: multiple orgasms, cunnilingus (female receiving), penetration, slight dirty talk, slight angst

✧ Word Count: 4.3K

✧ Summary: Your life is going idyllically with your business with the exception of having to work with Min Yoongi who disapproves of your comercial tactics. but when one day a medium tells you he is to be the love of your life you are quick to shut her down but running away from fate can come with cause consequences.

✧ A/N: I DELIVER ONTO THEE THE SMUT! I’m sorry about the ending tho because I promise I want to prolong this a little more. Which means Yoongi and OC will be idiots for now... pls don’t hate me ;n;)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

You could see it in his eyes. It was only a matter of time for it. Yoongi had a dark look in his eyes and he seemed to have them dead set on you. The passion and the desire threatening to devour you in the process.

“Take our clothes off?” Yoongi asked “But ___, we haven't even kissed”

Yoongi gave you a seductive smile that shook you to the core. His eyes made you weak and all you could do is just sit there, mouth agape. He was getting closer and closer to you leaving you with nowhere to run. Moreover, you didn’t want to run. You couldn't move, body not responding to what your brain was ordering.

“We can take this slow if you want ____” his whisper made his voice drop lower, causing you to tremble.

The way your name comes out from his lips is sinful. Deep, sexy, and hypnotic. You tried to wake up from what can only be described as an attack to your emotions and your sex deprived pussy.

“What I tried to say was…..” But you didn't even finish your sentence. Yoongi abruptly kissed your lips, his lips plush lips moving on top of yours slowly and seductively. He embraced you, holding you close to him and instinctively you put your hands on his hard chest. Letting yourself go with the sensations that were forming in your mind, you let his masterful tongue explore your mouth and let go of all the emotions you had tried unsuccessfully to suppress. When he broke the kiss you both had to breathe heavily to recover the air missing air from your lungs.

“Ok, what was that?” You asked completely confused.

“Other than something amazing, I have no clue” Yoongi smiled as he saw directly into your eyes once again. He didn't know why he did it but he had felt better. All that pressure was going to kill him and when he kissed you he felt free, but there was a part of him that wanted more.

“Do you usually kiss every woman like that?” You smirked.

“No, only those who invite me to take our clothes off.”

“What I meant to say was that we should put on some dry clothes and take these off. But if you want to catch a cold, by all means.”

Yoongi smirked and separated from you as you tried to get off the counter. "She seems to enjoy torturing me" Yoongi thought a bit irritated. He tried to recover from what just happened and he looked as you walked to the phone. Your hips seemed to sway with a seductive rhythm while walking and the wet pants were still stuck to your skin making your butt look plump and round.

“As I was saying, it’s best we get naked so we can change out of these damp clothes and put on something dry before we get sick” You suggested.

“Yes, but unfortunately I don't carry around a spare change of clothes and I'm thinking you don't have men's clothes either”

“I don't have spare clothes, but my mannequins do so we can just use that.”

“Hell no! I prefer the suggestion of getting naked” Yoongi smiled trying to grab your hips and he hugged you “and while we are at it we can do other things”.

“Of course” you tried to turn around to see him. There was something enjoyable about the way he nestled his arms around you and the feeling of being in his arms. He kissed your neck sweetly as if he tried to convince you of the idea, and truth be told the idea didn’t seem so bad. Damn your conscience for waking up in the worst moment…

“NOT! What we should do is call the Car Association so they can help us with our cars and get some dry clothes and get a cookie while I'm at it. Now if you don't want to put on some dry clothes, feel free to stay in our wet clothes and get a cold. But you are not getting naked while I'm around.”

You pushed him away and went to the window where the male and female mannequins were and took off the clothes. It was more like lingerie but they were still useful pajamas. Hers was a red negligee that seemed to be a little small for you, and his was a black pajama bottom shorts (bordering on boxers) with a matching robe that had little red hearts printed all over.

“Hell no I am not going to put that on!” Yoongi said.

“Suit yourself” You shrugged “Get a cold for all I care.”

“Has anyone ever told you how obnoxious you are?”

“And has anyone ever told you that you whine too much? God! Now I'm remembering all the reasons why I don't like you!”

Yoongi kept looking at the pajama that you threw at him as you had went out back to grab a phone and call for help. He had gotten a little frustrated after seeing how much he had suffered inside just so you could blow him away. But even when you tried to ignore it, he could see you had been shocked and moved by his kiss. You had let loose just like he did and had enjoyed it. So then, why were you pulling away from him?

His mind came back for a second, eyes still looking at the ridiculous and tight pajama with little red hearts. There was no way on earth he was going put on that pajama! No way in hell…..

Yoongi couldn't believe he was actually wearing that stupid pajama. If Hoseok saw him he would be dying of laughter, especially considering that it’s his fault Yoongi was going through all this in the first place. If he hadn't told him that you were a good choice for him and that he needed a woman he wouldn't be having these thoughts about you.

No, there is someone else. Madame Karma! Somehow she did something. He might not be a believer of bad luck and curses, but maybe she was the one who stole his gasoline and made your car die out. And maybe she made the battery of both cell phones die out.

Yes it seemed easy to blame someone. But something in his mind made him think that this was all his fault, for not knowing how to control his needs. Yoongi didn't want you to see the lack of female entertainment he had. Though it seemed fun to see if you were up to the type of entertainment he desired to have.

You came back with a tray with two cups of coffee and a plate of cookies. There was a small cup with milk and a cup with sugar. As you put it on a coffee table in front of the sofa, you could feel Yoongi gaze still fixed on you. The red negligee you wore made you show your long silky legs. Unfortunately the size was tad bit small for your curves, almost showing your butt as you placed the tray on the table.

“Nice pajama” You smiled “glad to see you didn't want to get a cold.”

“Yes well you don't look so bad yourself” Yoongi looked at you up and down as he sat down on the sofa. He was sure the image of you in that negligee was gonna burn in his mind forever and be the star of many of his fantasies.

“Yes well I'm a size bigger than this but it's a good thing the fabric stretches” you said while trying to pull down the dress so it could cover some part of your legs, in vain “I called the Car Association and they told me that they would be here in a couple of hours. How would you like your coffee?”

“I want some decaf, I don't want to lose the sleep at night.”

“Don't worry I used decaf. I don't want to lose sleep either. Sugar?”

“One of sugar and very little milk” Yoongi grabbed his cup once it was prepared as you offered a cookie which he accepted. He remembered the way you had told him about the cookie, "BITE ME" you had said. And thinking about it now, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.

“Why don't you tell me about yourself?” You suggested, clearly needing a distraction from imagining him naked and in your arms. Yoongi looked at you puzzled, “You said I don't know you much so why don't you tell me about yourself.”

“Well there isn't much to say. I live alone and I mostly stick to my work. I don't have any family around so it’s just myself. Hoseok and I used to live together but he moved to another apartment close to his other job. I just don't have time for socializing. But Hoseok insists I get a woman or something like that.”

“I see” You sipped of your coffee “You seem to have the same thing as I do. Seokjin and his boyfriend insist so much about how I should get a boyfriend and well right now I just love my job so much I don't think I need to get a man. It's not like I haven't gone out on dates, but they always end up being too self-centered or too stupid or too nerdy. I have to say that if i were to choose between being with those guys or being alone, I prefer to be alone.”

“We finally agree on something” Yoongi chuckled “do you live on your own too?”

“Yeah, well after I told my father that I was going to start a coffee shop business he didn't seem to be very happy with it. So I started to get my independence and I moved out of my parents' house. Like you I was living with my friend Namjoon but after I introduced him to Seokjin. The two of them fell deeply in love and just made me feel like a bad third wheel. Don’t get me wrong I love them wholeheartedly and they’re my best friends, but there’s so much I can take of them having sex in the next room without loosing it. So now I live alone in a cute little studio. And what about you? Why do you live all alone?”

“My parents live in Daegu and they are sweet and simple people. My father particularly is a practical man, he owns small businesses and always told me strive for the same practicality he had developed so i wouldn’t struggle. At one point in my life I wanted to pursue music but when my dad found out he got rather pissed” Yoongi sighed, remembering the anger in his father's eyes, the disappointment him his mother's face.

“They kept saying it was only gonna lead me to a poor life. In the end, since my older brother decided on a different career path that was still acceptable to parents eyes, I followed in my father's steps. My mother seemed so proud of me when she saw me graduate from a career I had no interest in. But I never wanted to destroy that gleam in her eyes so I just kept doing this. I miss them from time to time but I manage to visit every so often.”

You looked at the man who you thought you knew all this time as an asshole and an idiot only to find a tender and loving man sitting in front of you. So there was more to this informal clone than meets the eye. To say that you were surprised at his confession was an understatement.

“I am so sorry” You said compassionately “I had no idea. No wonder you seem so tough.”

“Looks like you’re looking for more compliments” Yoongi smiled “Well ___, you are a very strong woman. And I have to say that you look spectacular in that dress.”

“You are only saying that so you can get another cookie” you laughed nervously trying to shake it off as one of his jokes, not wanting to show how much the compliment had really affected you.

“True but I still think so” Yoongi said giving you a sexy smile that caused your face to turn red as a tomato.

You turned around and tried to get the image of Yoongi naked, kissing you and making you scream in pleasure out of your mind. It didn't matter what that damn medium said, Yoongi is not your soul mate and you are NOT attracted to him.

"LIAR" a voice in your mind said as you scolded yourself, "Stop thinking of him like that, stop thinking of him in any way possible!"

You got back the cookie that was shaped like pair of lips and you extended it to him. “Here you go. Bite me!”

Yoongi grabbed your hand and he got up very close to you. “I think you should change the name of the cookie” Yoongi whispered in her ear, his deep tone creating a ticklish chill to spread all over your body.

“And what do you have in mind?”

“Kiss me” you could imagine his devilish smile as he uttered the words in your ear.

“Ok” was all you could say. That man took the words away from her without even thinking.

“Suddenly you agree with everything”

“That's what happens when a sexy guy talks sweetly into my ears” you blush deepened “ok then, kiss me!”

“And indeed I shall” he growled in response.

Yoongi got close to your lips and trapped them with his. He grabbed you again around him so you wouldn't escape this time. You felt the room spin and lose control of everything once more. It was addicting to feel him, the taste of the bitter coffee still lingering in his mouth. You grabbed onto to his neck as your legs wobbled, you weren’t going to last long. He started to taste the skin of your neck to your cleavage. There wasn’t any need to touch your breast with his hand, just the feeling of his lips on your skin was enough to have your nipples become hard.

“Yoongi, I am not going to last much like this” You said very softly.

“You’re right” Yoongi kept kissing you but he saw around the room “wanna see if your counter can support both our weight?”

Words had escaped your mind so you only nodded and he carried you once again to the counter. As you sat there, legs open feeling his increasing hard on press against your opening causing a moan escape your mouth. He began to kiss your lips passionately once again, both of you devouring each other with yearning as if every moment, every kiss would be the last. You wrapped your legs around his waist closing whatever distance there was left, as he was pulling the straps of your dress down.

Yoongi kissed your skin as you grabbed onto his shoulders and leaning your head back so he would have a better access of your body. Once your breasts were free, negligee covering only your hips down, he kissed each mound delicately causing your nipples to harden with the cool air and the sensation of his hands and lips on you.

Yoongi enjoyed the sensitivity you had to his touch, pleasured in the thought that the moans you were so deliciously exclaiming from your lips were caused by him alone bringing a sense of pride in him.

“Your skin is just as I imagined it” Yoongi said softly against you “it tastes of sugar and flowers. Delicious!”

“Oh, so you have been imagining this” you smiled seductively.

“Oh yes, and you don't know how much I have been wanting to taste you here” he touched your arms, “and here” he kissed your breasts “and very much here!”

Yoongi extended his hand all the way to your legs, to the center of your heat. You understood immediately what he tried to say. Instinct overtook you causing a certain shyness as he touched the outside skin of your cunt but it only took him one more deep kiss to dissolve all mental insecurity. Once he gained access, Yoongi opened his eyes wide and smiled.

“You aren't wearing nothing underneath” he said in a hot, husky voice. Yoongi’s fingers manages to take access of your already wet and hot pussy and dexterously finds

your clit tracing circles around it, playing with it like the button of a game console and you were his play game. The movement was sure to cause a sweet delightful moan to escape cursing the gods at how good that felt.

“I didn't think….ah….I would need it” you were struggling to think but with him touching you that way you were barely thinking straight “can’t believe this feels so good”

“Do you doubt my sexual abilities?” Yoongi introduces a nipple in his mouth, his tongue slowly dragging and licking them. This man is out to make you crazy. The mix of having him play with the sensitivity of both your clit and your nipple was enough to have you squirming and moving your hips back and forth.

“An office man who spends 75 percent of the time scowling shouldn’t be THIS good at sex” you joked, only causing him to increase the speed of his fingers causing you to scream at the increasing waves pleasure. You were close to the edge, so close you were just in the brink of deep diving into an orgasm, when suddenly Yoongi’s lips abandon your breast, slowly slithers down to your crotch, and smiles devilishly.

“Lucky for you, I love to prove people wrong”

If you were already dying of pleasure, it only took only stroke of his tongue in your clit to have you plunge into the most mind boggling orgasm you ever had in your life. Your thighs were trembling as Yoongi’s head was still between them. He grabs them with his hands to keep them still at the risk of you almost asphyxiating him trying to shut them close by instinct. In no moment does his tongue stop stroking your folds, eating you up like a starving man, drinking your fluids as if they were ambrosia in his mouth.

“So tasty…” You could see Yoongi’s mouth shining bright with your cum. You pulled him back to where you were as you kissed him again. Knowing well that if he stayed there any longer you continue driving you mad. He only kept kissing you till you were left without any air, lips swollen and the taste of your cum lingering in your mouth. You pulled his pajama bottom deciding that it wasn’t fair that only one of you to was so indecently naked but you were met with yet another surprise. Revealing that not only did he not have any underwear as well but his dick sprung out making your eyes widen at the sight. To say that Yoongi was well endowed was an understatement. The image of his hard cock making your mouth water.

“Holy shit your beautiful” you whispered.

“But not like you” Yoongi said “are you sure you want this?” Always a gentleman who asks for permission even when you know well enough he’s at the verge of losing his mind. He grabbed your chin and made head raise and see him eye to eye. “Use your words, Baby”

It was such a cute term of endearment that coming from his lips seemed foreign to you but delightful. You get close to him, your breath tickling his ear as you say in low husky voice, “Min Yoongi, I want your thick throbbing cock inside my wet hot pussy.”

You were never much for dirty talk. The words just naturally escaped your lips as if you’ve been saying them for a lifetime but as soo. As they were out there being heard by Yoongi your cheeks turned a deep red, a reaction that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

The man kissed your shoulder and touched the skin of your back causing a shiver to run all over. You just closed her eyes and let him do all the exploring he wanted. At this point he could fuck the everloving lights out of you and you wouldn’t mind. He grabbed something from his pocket, put on a condom as he continued to kiss your skin.

“Yoongi, I need you inside me…please…” you breathed heavily.

“As you wish my dear” Yoongi said positions his cock right in your hot entrance. The movement is slow but having your pussy all wet after your first orgasm helped the entrance of his cock a much smoother experience. You could feel him filling your walls, initially with a little bit of pain but soon it was replaced by delicious pleasure.

In a matter of minutes the pace increases quickly growing the intensity of each thrust. Perhaps it was the lack of sexual activity for both of you but it was euphoric to have each other become one. The tightness of your cunt welcoming his throbbing cock as if the gods themselves sang in heaven for this hot, dirty and wild reunion of your bodies.

You looked at Yoongi as he entered you, a drop of sweat starting to roll down his temple. His eyes were darkened with that intense desire you saw before but now the fire in his stare had increased to hellish levels. “Fuck I’ve been wanting to do this for so long! Who’s offering a slow trip to pleasure now?”

The reminder of your first encounter had been long forgotten but the phrase switched all memories on. To think he remembered after all this time made you smile in tenderness but the feeling was soon fucked away. His thrust become hard causing you to cry and whimper in an exquisite pain. “If I would have known….it was this good… I would have fucked you right that moment” you pant breathlessly meeting his hips with each trust.

The ripples of the oncoming orgasm was coming too soon for both of you. “That’s it baby, cum on my fucking cock” the obscene command echoed in your mind. Your mind, your body, your feelings and sensations were all in this man's hands. Your mind was drowning in the feeling, drowned in Yoongi…Yoongi… Yoongi….

“YOONGI” You screamed as your body convulsed in an overwhelming orgasm peaked all over your body, eyes opening wide rolling back as you were set in this high.

It was heaven, it was madness, it was bliss, it was sin. All at the same time. The orgasm you felt before was nothing compared to the feeling of coming on Yoongi’s dick,

It didn’t take long for him to follow after you. His final thrusts becoming sloppy and uncoordinated until he releases his cum while inside you. You kissed his temples tasting the salty taste of his sweat and holding him tightly against you. Both of you didn’t want to let go of the moment, basking in the sexual afterglow.

“It’s too perfect!” You thought.

Suddenly they heard a something ring. Yoongi and you opened your eyes to see Yoongi’s pager go off. Seriously he must be the only person in existence to actually use one of those other than a doctor. He slowly let you go and went to grab the dreaded device.

“Damn, it's my boss” Yoongi rubbed his temples. As your mind settled in a thousand thoughts came running through. Almost like destiny...like karma…was this truly destiny though? Did Yoongi even like you or was it just the suggestive idea that brought forth interest of love and sex? And it wasn’t even love because he never said those words... neither did you. He turned around saw a disappointed frown grow on your face as you grabbed your clothes, “wait what are you doing?”

“Yoongi, I want you to be completely honest. If Madame Karma hadn’t told us that we were soulmates would you have made love to me?”

Would he? He knew he was attracted to you since the first day but it was only attraction. He wanted to say yes. But he himself wasn’t sure if what he felt was love. Never having experiences it makes it harder to distinguish. You take his silence as a sufficient answer.

“I know that what we just had was good, but is this really what we truly want or just what we think we want only because it was introduced to our mind? Plus I have my life and my coffee shop you’re my manager, that wouldn’t be the best thing to do professionally. I can't let you stop your job because of me. And even when all of this was amazing, I know we are very different from one another.”

“So you are regretting it” Yoongi tried to conclude.

“No it's not that! This had to happen sooner or later” You blushed “I admit I was hoping we would. But we work together, it would be a bit hard for us.”

“Let’s forget this” Yoongi said coldly, “you’re right, you work under me. Professionally it would not be wise” It sounded a bit harsh but it was true, this would make their work relation worse than what it already was. He got his clothes back on and for the rest of the night maintained a cordial silence between each other. Thankfully it didn’t last long since the car aids came just a few moments later. Once they had their cars fixed, they both went their different ways.

"Yes" you thought "Its best we kept our distance"

"Can't say I failed" Yoongi thought "I must have fallen in the temptation of the night. I mean it is Valentines Day. Even so…"

"I am never going to forget this night no matter how hard I try" you both thought.

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nobully · 2 years ago

Note

96 (i random-orged this lol)

𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺 . | ∗ 96﹕ sender tackles receiver out of the way of danger .

"—so it's basically VR," Eiden was saying as they trudged through the facsimile of a village plaza.

'I mean, my life is already "VR" at this point,' Wang Yi shakes his head while eyeing his partner in armor. 'What do you call a VR of a VR, anyways...'

"You're thinking too much," Eiden complained. "Come on, I brought you here to have fun, not get a headache."

'Fine, fine...'

So. Here they were, setting off on a mission for the local village via the Intraspace's MMO area. A local dungeon was causing the village chief some grief, so Eiden (Class: Swordsman) and Wang Yi (Class: Archer) had gone off to tackle the threat.

'Shouldn't we bring a healer or something?' Wang Yi asked as they reached the village gates.

"Nah, the Level 1 Dungeon's pretty easy. Besides, we'll get more EXP if we just stick with two in a party."

'If you say so.'

Half an hour later, Wang Yi realizes that Eiden had been both right and both horribly wrong. Sure the monsters were easy to kill, but nobody warned them about the quantity! So little people were using the Intraspace in RP threads that the monsters had grown unchecked until they were practically swarming the place. Worse still, as an archer Wang Yi was better fighting at a distance, but now had to resort to smacking stray slimes with his bow because they threatened to overcrowd him.

That's why he doesn't notice the stray goblin aiming for his back with a spear until Eiden tackles him out of the way. The two of them fall to the ground, rolling over a cushioned floor covered in dead slimes until they smack into a dungeon wall.

"Man, you okay?" Eiden asks after catching his breath.

'Still alive,' Wang Yi coughed before climbing to his feet. Ugh, he was covered in goop. 'I'm gonna kill that bastard. Die, you piece of—'

'...I'm out of arrows?!'

"Crap, I think I broke my sword too."

'How the hell do you break a metal sword?!'

"When it's actually made of wood?"

'What?!'

"It was the only equipment I could afford!"

Come to think of it, Wang Yi hadn't heard any metallic shinngs when Eiden unsheathed his weapon. Curse this dungeon and its poor lightning.

'Fine then, we'll just have to fight our way out by force.'

"What, with our bare hands?"

'You've got teeth, don't you?!'

"Wait a sec, you—" Eiden's voice cut off as a slime came flying at his face.

Crunch!

Seconds before it hit, it struggled and gave a bubbly wail as Wang Yi bit through its soft fleshy body. He spat it at his feet before stomping it flat with his foot, where it deflated and died like the others

'...that actually didn't taste half bad,' Wang Yi remarks while wiping his lips. 'It was kinda tangy, like lime?'

"... ..."

'What?'

"...haha, nothing." You're not actually a dog or something, right?

'Don't "haha nothing" me with that face.'

...

And so our intrepid heroes triumphed, got up to Level 6, and earned the respective titles "Killer of 10,000 Mobs" and "The Biteist Hero" for their hard work.

"Next time, let's try something else for stress relief," Eiden suggests lightly after they leave Intraspace and start walking towards the train station.

'I had fun though?'

"You tried to bite the head off a goblin."

'Ugh, don't remind me. It was as nasty as I thought...'

"And when that didn't work, you tried to bite off his hands?"

'What, like I was gonna let him attack us?'

"...haha."

'What?'

"Tell me you're not a dog person."

'Well I like them better than cats, that's for sure.'

Ah, crap.

'I told you not to give me that face!'

#kleinstar #answered;#drabbles;#violence cw #this just got silly and feral by the end #but i think if he had a chance to let loose harmlessly he'd take it soooo *chomp*

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Don't get excited or anything Janis: only talking to you to look busy Jimmy: steal my job an' all or just my lines? Jimmy: so proud me Janis: technically I got you fired from that one Janis: and not to get ahead in the java game myself so Jimmy: fucked my future as a recruiter that Jimmy: tah very much Janis: 💔 Janis: what can I say? Janis: your chat has left a lot to be desired from the start Janis: though I'd happily pick up a CG shift now, nothing to do with your skillz or lack thereof Jimmy: You could've started this one with 'oi Jim don't put persuasive on the CV' and have done, mate but here we still are pissing about Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: use your head and pick up a shift where Pete works now not where he burned his bridges if you want the good chat, girl Janis: Yeah 'cos you want me interrupting your bromance time more than I already do Janis: reverse psychology won't work on me either, boy Jimmy: Tell it to the lad who's rewriting a birthday classic in your honor 'cause that ain't me, babe Jimmy: Still got it bad after all this time he has 💘 Jimmy: #thejulieteffect Janis: God, Gracie didn't slip him an invite as a tip, did she Janis: will have to maim my face to avoid any further association with her, like Jimmy: Might've Jimmy: Much as we throw Shona on that Gracie sized bullet she's nowt but persistent Janis: Desperate is the word Janis: invite half the town, why not Janis: no girl needs that many 'idk you really so I got you a bath set' gifts Jimmy: Alright, alright I'll take yours back to the shop Jimmy: Calm down Janis: bung it her way Janis: still might get some 'gratitude' 🤞 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: cool so it's a plan Janis: you distract, I'll make myself scarce Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: it's not known to be challenging Janis: but we have just discussed your shortcomings too so yeah Janis: maybe baby Jimmy: having her about when I ain't being paid is proper challenging Jimmy: you wanna sweeten the deal, rich girl Janis: Hmm, what you got in mind? Jimmy: we both make ourselves scarce Jimmy: I reckon that's a better plan Janis: maybe ain't earned persuasive still but Janis: you can tick off problem solver Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: ain't gonna be a problem if have the dickheads in town have an invite to your gaff Jimmy: slip away easy through that #opendoor Jimmy: half* Janis: you forget I'm 1 outta 2 guests of honour Janis: sadly, you are the only one on that score Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: nobody but Pete's coming for you, babe and we can slip him a note ahead of time Janis: You really know how to make a girl feel special, huh 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is it worth me coming to you Janis: how long you got left on Jimmy: both feeling special now Jimmy: how #goals Janis: well you know Janis: hit up the CG already and the replacements aren't much Jimmy: 💔 for 'em and you Janis: don't look too 😢 for me when I show Janis: not #goals Jimmy: Drying my eyes on my apron as we speak, like Janis: need your 😎 Jimmy: that's alright til the fans wanna see my 😍 Janis: who are you kidding, Doris can't see in front of her face Janis: it's the accent Jimmy: she can see my 🍆 Jimmy: keeps her coming back Janis: please don't make me laugh Jimmy: sexual harassment is no laughing matter, dickhead Jimmy: she's a menace 👵🚫 Janis: you know you're asking for it, babe Janis: made your granny love no secret Jimmy: when I'm not 😢 over you I'm 🤤 over her Jimmy: busted Janis: can't fool me Janis: know what you're like far too well tbh Jimmy: see right through me you Jimmy: only gonna get more of a bighead the older you get, aren't you? Janis: don't plan on changing Janis: not that kind of birthday girl Jimmy: 👍 Janis: dunno why she's bothering Janis: 'less she can get Pete to fake marry her she ain't even competing Jimmy: shut up, he'd get a decent amount of song writing material outta that Jimmy: enough to consider it Jimmy: don't be giving ideas like that out for nowt Janis: so you're saying recruiters out for you but pimp/band manager is my calling Janis: cheers, keep it in mind Jimmy: can't be living off mummy and daddy forever, babe Jimmy: time's running out Janis: they're running out of kids who wanna be around them, more like Janis: you know they don't wanna be left just them and Gracie Jimmy: Give 'em the heads up and they'll have time to have a load more Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 💸💸💸 Janis: if they do, not me Janis: and all the others Janis: splitting it 10 ways makes it less impressive Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: I know Janis: babysitting is your primary gig Janis: soz, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Poor, poor boy Janis: have to stick with your two Jimmy: You still ain't taken the 🐶 off me yet so it's 3 Janis: if you put 'dog dad' in your bio it's over Jimmy: saved that 💎 for the dating apps Janis: fairplay Janis: go over well with that crowd Jimmy: 🐶💕 Jimmy: gotta earn her keep somehow Janis: subtle Janis: what do you want, like Jimmy: other than 🐶💀 Janis: you love her, shut up Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: you love her Janis: I know what I've 👀 Janis: and I've got plenty of blackmail evidence for when this all goes tits Jimmy: I know how to fake it Jimmy: tah for all the practise Janis: mhmm, 'cos you did such a top job at that Jimmy: 🥇 me Janis: Sure thing babe Janis: best bae ever Janis: fake enough for you? Jimmy: might be if you didn't mean every word Janis: Idiot Jimmy: you love me Jimmy: and you're on your way here, deny it Janis: I can't deny I'm en-route Janis: but that's like 96% because I need to hide Janis: no funny business Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: only thirsty for a fruit juice Janis: I ain't a toddler Janis: and obviously, I ain't looking for you to serve me either 🤷 Jimmy: you ain't a coffee drinker and we don't serve booze, pisshead Janis: 1. I'm gonna subtly wait for Pete to be free 2. we'll think of something Jimmy: 1. enjoy helping him close 2. he won't be thinking of owt when he's this hungover so enjoy doing that yourself an' all Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: not entirely sure you barista boys are worth the hassle Jimmy: on you go then Jimmy: find a barman and solve all your problems Janis: no tah Janis: can't be going there Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Janis: it'd be like you cracking on with a miner Janis: assume your granddad was a miner Jimmy: be like me having a go on a 👻 Janis: can make that happen Janis: that kinda cool girlfriend, obvs Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: find out the equipment Janis: not talking 🍆🤖s Jimmy: so I'll meet you in the cemetery or what? Jimmy: #datenight Janis: Such an emo Janis: called it and you out from day one Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You reckoned I wanted to suck Alex Turner's ballsack Jimmy: Indie and emo are different genres, mate Janis: It's all fringes and marding really, isn't it, mate Janis: point is, ghosts are everywhere Janis: have as much if not more luck in any house in this shithole of a town Jimmy: proper poetic you Jimmy: I smell a lyrical collab with your bf Janis: nah Janis: we both know muse is about as good as I got Jimmy: but there's no need to pass that along to Pete and have him 💔 Janis: Shut up Janis: he loves me just the way I am, and YOU'RE just jealous Jimmy: #duh Janis: if I wanted that kind of guilt-trip, I'd have stayed there Jimmy: The orchestra is raring to go here Jimmy: What more do you want? Janis: you Janis: dickhead Jimmy: I'm yours, dickhead Janis: Good Janis: I need you, like Jimmy: We don't need to be here, either of us Janis: I can't Janis: I can't be anywhere near that fucking party tomorrow Janis: it's not just because it's the usual bullshit family function either, like Janis: just Janis: nah Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: good thing I have a better idea Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Nowt for you to do but come with me Janis: Alright Janis: obviously Janis: never gonna have better plans or better company 'round here so Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: come here and we'll go from there Janis: I am Janis: I'd almost forgot how long this bus took Janis: been that long, like Jimmy: you should be live tweeting Jimmy: fans love a throwback Janis: well, we both know what I should really be doing Janis: but ain't really feeling it and this bus driver is new Jimmy: 🤞 our top bloke ain't 💀💀💀 Jimmy: weren't meant to be part of the pact, like Janis: if he was on the outs, I'd have 💀 him at the wheel ages ago Janis: just that good Janis: call me the eternal optimist Jimmy: 🌹 by any other name Janis: peak romance always Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: you ain't seen nowt yet birthday girl Janis: Idiot Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do I need to bring anything Janis: not fishing for clues or nowt but could be relevant Jimmy: bring whatever you would to fuck off for a day Jimmy: we ain't coming back til its over Janis: okay Janis: just us? Jimmy: you can bring the dog if you want Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I draw the line at Pete's puppy dog eyes though Janis: 💔 Jimmy: You'll live and he's half 💀 so there ain't no challenge in smacking him down Janis: Hot Jimmy: 😏 Janis: is that my surprise? Jimmy: Do you want that to be your surprise? Janis: Yeah, I'm gonna be an accessory by admission Janis: think on, babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Your man of mystery bit is very unhelpful sometimes Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: soz you can't handle being kept on your toes Janis: oh please Jimmy: What? Janis: I could run circles around you in my sleep Jimmy: go on then Janis: maybe Janis: if the plans allow time Jimmy: maybe I'll make time if it's that important to you to prove yourself, Juliet Janis: I know I don't need to prove myself to you Jimmy: 👌 Janis: fuck off Janis: you love me Jimmy: You're alright, for a rich girl Janis: I'm the best Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt babe Janis: #duh Jimmy: #youknowthedrill Janis: town is finally in sight Janis: jesus Jimmy: the new driver ain't winning me over 💔 for him Jimmy: sort it out knobhead Jimmy: 🎅 will get there before his bus, like Janis: N'awh Janis: you missed me? Jimmy: for a sec or two Jimmy: not owt to get a big head over Janis: have to work on that then, won't I Jimmy: hate for you to be bored while you're waiting for Pete to make you a drink Jimmy: gotta give you something to do Jimmy: it'll take him ages longer than two secs Janis: weird brag, mate Janis: usually the other way 'round but admire the honesty 😂 Jimmy: been a bit since I've made shit weird Jimmy: nice to know you've missed it Janis: you know Janis: keeps things interesting, you do Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: part of the deal, like Janis: I'll renew your contract Janis: 👌 job Jimmy: tah Jimmy: might take you off the trial period for a bit Jimmy: see how you go Janis: 😏 Janis: might not hand in my notice Jimmy: won't have to get a replacement in then Janis: 💔 Janis: know how you love that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: keep disappointing me, you Janis: psh Jimmy: It's alright, well used to it, me Jimmy: nowt I can't handle Janis: We'll put that theory to the test when I get there Janis: 5 mins Jimmy: good Janis: thanks Janis: by the way Jimmy: you ain't opened your bath shit yet Jimmy: leave it out Janis: I've got to work on my so real surprise/grattitude some time, babe Janis: want me to fake it when I'm there Janis: alright Jimmy: that top job you reckoned I did faking it goes double for you, girl Jimmy: I ain't helping Pete close so you've got more time to piss about having a go Janis: Not how I remember it, boy Jimmy: scroll back through all your feeds Jimmy: I'll hang on Janis: admitting you're more #basic Janis: cute Jimmy: surprise! 🎉 Jimmy: happy birthday Janis: 😍😋 Jimmy: 💘 Janis: love you Jimmy: I love you Janis: I really do Jimmy: Is it my turn to act surprised or what? Janis: You can Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: ages after I thought we'd run out Janis: just that good, baby Jimmy: I'll give you a few minutes Jimmy: deffo worth that Janis: and so generous Janis: 😩 Jimmy: too northern for that shit Janis: Nah Janis: this place has changed you Janis: 🍀💀 Jimmy: If owt's changed take your share of the blame Jimmy: 💕🔪💀 Janis: alright Janis: I ruined your life Janis: do something about it

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: never seen a kid 😢 at a haircut Jimmy: before you say owt, it ain't even done yet so it don't look shit Janis: Poor Bobs Janis: bribe him with sweets after like it's the dentist Janis: I can get some on my way back Jimmy: throw him at your family pinging and well mad fer the party 😂 Jimmy: tah for the invite lads Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you know Janis: can't get him on the pre drinks so Jimmy: I'll set him up with a shot glass full of fizzy pop Jimmy: sorted Janis: 🙌 Janis: party don't stop Janis: what about Twix Janis: she'll feel left out Jimmy: 🎶 or start til you walk in, babe #obvs Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: I'd reckon on letting her trash the place but that's any day she's left alone for 1 sec Janis: Naturally Janis: why else would I need to be there so bad Janis: she's just bored #relatable Jimmy: life and soul, my dear Jimmy: you and your true love wasted on this place Janis: sad but #truthbomb Janis: [sends him socials of the decor that are already up] Janis: I know I've been telling you but seriously Janis: see and believe and prepare Jimmy: fucking hell Jimmy: too late to ask 💀👑 to be your date instead or what? Janis: hmm Janis: would probably be my easy ticket out Janis: and she'd be thrilled for so many reasons Jimmy: crack on then Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, no challenge in it Janis: only a further challenge on my sanity, like Jimmy: turn round, I've sent the orchestra after you Jimmy: Bob's gonna save you a tissue an' all Janis: lovely Janis: just one he's not blown his nose in, tah Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: buy us 🚬 when you're at the shop Jimmy: 🤞💀💀💀 Janis: sure Janis: death pact sounds good rn Jimmy: right there next to you, Juliet Jimmy: headfirst off the balcony if nowt else Janis: honestly Janis: love to fuck up their marble floor Jimmy: least if you play up enough you might get a new pony out of it Jimmy: fuck knows where we'll put it but the kids will be #buzzing Janis: piss off Janis: don't even like horses Janis: or you Jimmy: I know that's bollocks, rich girl Janis: glue factory, both of yous Jimmy: 💕🐴 Jimmy: 💕😎 Jimmy: I'll buy you a heart shaped locket when our #truelove turns 1 Jimmy: space with pics for all your faves Janis: 😒 Janis: I'll throw it into the ocean Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: gonna make me 😢😢 too Janis: s'alright, draw a masterpiece and I'll share the door Janis: don't hate you either, not completely Jimmy: every bit's a masterpiece with you as my muse, baby Jimmy: 🥇🎨 Janis: gonna get whiplash if you keep doing these 180s boy Jimmy: get you out of this party, won't it? 😘 Janis: your plan all along Janis: 💔 me so I've got a get out of jail free card Janis: not worked for Gracie, like Jimmy: gotta be 💕 to get 💔 Janis: she was Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: our fake was realer than that Janis: not with him, obviously Janis: 💀👑💕 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you know it's real Janis: as real as she gets Jimmy: a love story to rival me and my ex that one Jimmy: bout as many break and make ups as we had too, like Janis: I wouldn't try and console her Janis: never get away Janis: more 😭 than the kid Jimmy: I can't 💪 and 🤐 you said Jimmy: I ain't cuddling her Janis: better not Jimmy: not in my 💰💰 party clothes, tah Jimmy: wouldn't be 💋 on my collar, it'd be half her face Janis: 😂 Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: I'm not trying to find out what she #wakesuplike or owt else Jimmy: 💔 Gracie I know Janis: 😏 reckon she's over it, babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: [sends selfies that Bobby has taken of himself post haircut] Jimmy: heartbreaker not heartbroken now he is Jimmy: he needed you to see ALL 23 of them identical pics so he reckoned Janis: He looks so good Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: using every bit of my 💪 to stop him taking my phone to give you a bell Janis: n'awh he can if he wants Janis: am at the shop so get your order in Jimmy: [cute little phone call moment including Jimmy telling Bobby to ask her to buy all kinds of silly stuff cos nerd] Janis: [so cute, when they'd all be used to each other now and like a mini fam soz ian not soz] Jimmy: [even Cass would like Janis by now, such a squad, fuck off Ian] Janis: [get her something for dinner just in case 'cos too cool for this party obvs] Jimmy: [and we know Ian ain't gonna give a shit as long as he's okay himself so] Janis: actually 😍 Jimmy: how soon can we palm him off though? Jimmy: doing my head in if he ain't yours Janis: so mean, you Janis: go 'head and wish for this party to start tho Jimmy: you're alright Janis: mhmm Janis: this is gonna be a disaster, not even a funny one Jimmy: what's the scale? Janis: you wanna hear about the worst party this family has ever, like? Janis: 'cos you need to give me like 3-5 working days to work that out Jimmy: just working out if today's the day for us to say yeah to drugs instead of nah or if decimating Ian's drink supply before he gets back will do Janis: no doubt they'll have it out like hors d'oeuvres Janis: rich people Jimmy: what the fuck are them? Jimmy: I know that weren't paddy lingo but you still lost me Janis: party food Janis: pineapple and cheese on a stick but make it 💸 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: brush some edible gold leaf on it Janis: exactly Janis: make some poor cunt in a tux hand it out Janis: they aren't quite that level, well Janis: I don't think they'll have 'staff' anyway or 🤢 Jimmy: could've had a word for me, babe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: missing out on a lot of tips to be there Janis: if you really wanna make it weird, I'll pay you myself Janis: idiot Jimmy: I've been waiting ages to unlock that final kink of yours Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: There you go then Janis: all comes out Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: really cheered me that has Janis: you'll forgive me for the hors d'oeuvres then Janis: so glad Jimmy: put a bit more work in and I might Janis: you work, I pay Janis: silly Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: keep giving them orders, girl Janis: 😏 Janis: if we didn't have somewhere to be Jimmy: we don't yet Janis: no, but you can't actually ditch bobs Jimmy: I'll throw him at Cass for a bit when we get back, she's getting time off later Janis: True Janis: not above it but not ideal getting drunk enough to deal in front of him, like Jimmy: I'm texting her now Jimmy: and we're on the bus Jimmy: be home well soon Janis: 👍 Janis: race you there Jimmy: piss off I ain't driving the bus Jimmy: that ain't fair Janis: if you ain't up to the challenge Janis: 😂 Jimmy: leave it out or you ain't getting your present Janis: locket? Jimmy: not what I've got in my pocket right now but I love that you're thinking long term Jimmy: very keen you Janis: 🤔👀 Jimmy: you gonna guess or what? Janis: 🍾 Janis: umm Janis: did you get some shampoo Janis: idk Jimmy: my subtle hint that you need to sort yourself out, like Jimmy: not that much of a dickhead Janis: I've got no clue Jimmy: Are you telling me you wanna shower with me? 'Cause not fuming about it Janis: I was thinking where you was last but you know Janis: can't show up stinking can we Jimmy: If getting kicked out is the goal, probably should Jimmy: but I Janis: wanna give me my present Janis: I get it Jimmy: and you want it off me Janis: yeah Janis: I do Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext because always and any opportunity] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: what? Janis: just Janis: be here now Jimmy: just wait for me Jimmy: won't be as long as it feels Janis: I miss you Jimmy: I want you Janis: as soon as you're back Janis: 'til the last possible minute Jimmy: Yeah Janis: didn't want to go but now I really, really don't wanna go anywhere but the shower, like Jimmy: Ian ain't there to bang on the door, it's alright Janis: 😏 maybe he's just trying to keep us in time Janis: helpful, really Jimmy: sounds proper fake that Janis: probably Janis: just tryna spread those posi vibes Janis: you know me, babe Jimmy: such a ray of sunshine you Jimmy: what I'm always telling people that is Janis: awh, who you talkin' 'bout me to, boy? Jimmy: the 🌏 babe Janis: 😍 #thatdemotho Janis: you spoil me Janis: that my gift, yeah? #freepromo Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: know the way to your 💘 Janis: just can't quit being goals, can you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: be here now Janis: I'm done waiting Jimmy: Hang on, I'll throw the driver off Jimmy: only a few stops Janis: probably distracted with his 😍 Jimmy: if the kid weren't here everyone on this bus would be Janis: 💔 that Janis: actually Jimmy: has Cass shown up at ours yet? Jimmy: I told her to take him out Janis: yeah Janis: her mates here too they're raiding the cupboards Jimmy: that lad again? 🙄 Janis: alright, dad Janis: nice of you to pop in 😂 Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're so cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Janis: don't get aggy with me Janis: I ain't got my mans over Jimmy: Mia be round any sec though, will she? Jimmy: make myself scarce for a bit then Janis: 🖕 Janis: so funny, you Jimmy: save that for her Jimmy: 💕 Janis: the fakery? Janis: sure Janis: I'm a pro now Jimmy: that and the hand gestures Janis: easy now Janis: not tossing her off Janis: and it's a different gesture, anyway Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: trying to tell me I've been doing it wrong, are you? Jimmy: first I've heard Jimmy: and very subtle of you, mate Janis: 😂 Janis: you know Janis: been thinking how to bring it up and now seemed like the perfect opportunity tbh Jimmy: you'll have a perfect opportunity to show me how I can do better in a bit Janis: it's a date, loser Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [showing up cos why not do a lil skip lol] Janis: just chilling in the kitchen with cass and her mate like hey] Jimmy: [100% her mate is the Tyler kid in my head lol but yeah don't be rude and kick them out immediately, do pass the sweets Janis got round tho shameless bribe which reminds me her gift was a lollipop he swiped from the hairdresser for well behaved kids cos drunken throwback they don't remember but we do so he can give her that too like] Jimmy: [Bobby showing everyone his hair and loving life P.S] Janis: [love that, being shamelessly buzzing 'cos about those nerdy gestures forever and you get to be #seductive on the low] Janis: [get it bab, you look fresh] Jimmy: [could not resist and never will bye] Jimmy: [that little kiddo being less shy fuck me up] Janis: [get your confidence live your life bb] Jimmy: [making everyone a cuppa even though you want them to fuck off #northern] Janis: [when you're rood (but not really) so you're like we've got to get ready bye] Jimmy: [only so much eye fucking and accidental touching and seduction via lolly you can handle before you g2g] Janis: [truly, in that shower boys] Jimmy: [casually really long shower soz not soz Ian] Janis: enjoy that waterbill] Jimmy: [then actually get dressed and get drinking but it's obvs still flirty af] Janis: [the vibe, 'cos don't need to dwell on what a non mood this party is] Jimmy: [literally he'd be distracting her so hard, so many kisses it'd be a miracle that anything else gets done, lowkey helping each other dress just so you can keep touching and being soft] Janis: ['you look good' 'cos he did despite the dresscode] Jimmy: [does a drinks cheers because thanks and also she does too we know it] Janis: [cheersing with glee 'cos a few drinks in and being with the bae you don't feel completely like kms] Janis: ['not as good as Bobby but you know, you'll do'] Jimmy: [runs his hands through his hair dramatically cos got a lil trim but nothing worth mentioning and doing a pouty face for the pisstake 'take him then, I'll stay here'] Janis: [hugging him tight like no] Jimmy: [hugging her back as tight just because and hands in her hair likewise and more kisses just because] Janis: ['I promise I'll make it fun' 'cos sorry to be dragging him into this mess but gotta lol] Jimmy: ['If I'm with you, I'm having a good one' cos true even in this instance ultimately] Janis: [literal sincere hearteyes] Jimmy: [give them right back so its a moment] Janis: [just snuggling like 'let's run away okay'] Jimmy: ['alright, we're decently dressed for life on the run' but being soft with your touches cos you want to as well] Janis: [sniffs, 'yeah, new identity ready, like'] Jimmy: ['forgot your former name already, me'] Janis: [lols 'be more believable if you hadn't been saying it so much in the shower, boy' 😏] Jimmy: ['soz, I thought you only wanted me mute at the party, like' 😏 Janis: [makes face like no and a 'n'awh' sound 'I don't want you like that, you just ain't gonna have nothing to say to 'em, me either, like'] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna say nowt to 'em, just you' no offense fam but that's the tea] Janis: [nods 'cos same and not like she's that bitch to say you must lmao] Jimmy: [tops both their drinks up because that speaks for itself] Janis: [drinking and snuggling] Jimmy: [enjoy the alone time while you can kids] Janis: [just telling him about the 'decent' (bit rude) kids that'll be there for bobby to play with] Jimmy: [he'll be having a lovely time at least] Janis: [and at least as bouj as they are it's not like they're most fancy house 'cos he's still in school so can't be living fully lavish] Jimmy: [makes me lol god bless those extra bitches] Jimmy: [let's say he puts music on for them cos kids could be back any time and wanna stay in their own bubble as long as they can] Janis: [throwback to all those times, appreciated] Jimmy: [casual playlist of all those van hook ups lol] Janis: [if anything is gonna get you in the mood tbh] Jimmy: [enjoy it kids] Janis: [in your new bed bowchicka] Jimmy: [that for once isn't full of a pup and a kid so it still feels as small as a single usually #rude] Janis: [hope you've not put your fancy clothes on yet lol] Jimmy: [dressed and undressed haha priorities] Jimmy: [Jimmy'd be like me and not put them on til the last min in case they get messed up] Janis: [sensible, better than turning up all awry like what you been up to 😏] Jimmy: [they don't need the pisstaking today fam they're trying to stay in a good mood] Janis: [just like 'fucking obvs wbu'] Jimmy: [don't ask if you don't wanna know tbh] Janis: [truly, how long are we giving you lads before Ian's back being a hoe] Jimmy: [give 'em long enough to enjoy that new bed and be a few more drinks in but yeah he should probably appear soon to give him the most time to be a knob before they get be like oh bye Ian lowkey maybe they think it's the kids coming back so they're like alright cool they're earlier than we expected so loads of time to get Bobs ready but then no, it's that fool Janis: [when you're lowkey like should I stay in here 'til we're ready to go 'cos Ian hates you lol] Jimmy: [she should if only so they can type to each other for a bit] Jimmy: 🙄💀💀💀🙄 Janis: real life and soul has arrived Jimmy: can you hear us celebrating down here? Jimmy: 🎉 keep it down, knobhead 🍾 Janis: been to plenty parties like that Janis: but Ian, the vibe is 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Janis: get with it Jimmy: 🍀 standard fare that, be why he fits right in on this street Jimmy: you don't wanna take him in my place then? Jimmy: 💀👑 gonna be thrilled to still be 🥇 like Janis: they should date Janis: start an anti-fan club for me Janis: cute 💕 Jimmy: stop trying to make me vom Jimmy: so kinky you Janis: tryna save you, babe Janis: sure she's dead distracting Janis: soz sue or whoever it is rn Jimmy: I'll take her over Mia as my new mum tah Janis: she will find her in Janis: stop fighting it, boy Jimmy: Take your own advice before you hand it out to me, mate Janis: 🤐 shh Jimmy: 💕 Janis: she's coming for his 👑 in the dickhead stakes though so maybe it won't work Janis: too much competition 💪👎 Jimmy: what like there can only be 1? 🍀 town's full of twats Janis: ask her, she'd tell you Janis: don't share the throne, babes Jimmy: hang on, I'll slide in her DMs for a change Jimmy: shock might 🔪🔪💀👻 Janis: 🤞 Janis: needs distracting from her story rampage Jimmy: ? Janis: ugh, usual Janis: now her and gracie aren't bffs forever she don't have to hold back with slaggin on her and spilling all that tea, sis Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Jimmy: rather have this twat in my 👂 than eyes on that bollocks Jimmy: tah Ian Janis: tell him it's his turn to say something nice now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🔊 I'm waiting Jimmy: take your turn, he's skipping his Janis: About Ian? Janis: Hmm Janis: he makes cute kids Janis: I guess Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: come and get the little one, he needs to get ready not hear this shit Janis: 👍 Janis: [does and gives him a subtle shoulder squeeze as she goes] Jimmy: [runs away as soon as he can cos you know Cass is good for making Ian kick off/taking his full attention so they could just get Bobby ready and be cute though you can tell Jimothy is forlorn]] Janis: [not saying anything but keeping Bobby chatting and hyped about this party and showing him pics of relevant kids so he won't be as shy to meet them] Jimmy: [just 😍 cos that's so nice and so cute and he is full of love] Janis: [just smiling at him and doing lots of subtle small reassuring touches] Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you Janis: fuck the rest, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: [gives him a sneaky kiss 'cos kids be like ewwww lol] Jimmy: let's just go Jimmy: if not to the party yet just Janis: 'course, all dressed up like Janis: kid needs an audience rn 😎 Jimmy: bit rude if our kid's just taken 1000s of pics of you on that old camera I let him have Jimmy: my muse not his Janis: there's enough inspo to go around baby Jimmy: weren't a challenge but take it as one any time you like, girl Janis: [posing for Bobby and pulling all kinds of faces whilst getting one of his jackets on like let's ride] Janis: what challenge Jimmy: [counts how many poses/faces she's doing casually] Jimmy: you owe me a photoshoot later Jimmy: see what you reckon then Janis: see what you reckon when I hit you with my hourly rate Janis: owes me so many sweets, that one Jimmy: Nah, rich girl, I work and you pay Jimmy: your words them Jimmy: [we on the move though fuck you Ian and good luck being stuck with that Cass] Janis: [seriously that'll be fun for you both lowkey] Janis: you think I'm gonna pay for the pleasure? Jimmy: as long as you feel it I don't give a fuck if you don't get the cash out Jimmy: but we can keep that between us Jimmy: #golddigger if anyone asks obvs Janis: 'course Janis: why else would you be with me Janis: just keep that off the 'gram, naturally Janis: [walking and talking with Bobs, obvs, sneaky convos ftw] Jimmy: I'll put the list on the 'gram in a bit Jimmy: let you know, like Janis: how very goals of you Janis: even if you're gonna have to ignore me to write it, like 😏 Jimmy: fuck that, it basically writes itself Jimmy: [a look cos so in love bitch] Janis: you look good Janis: did I tell you Jimmy: might've done Jimmy: I need to tell you Jimmy: come here Janis: [moves closer like hello] Jimmy: [whispering all these compliments and generally hot af things in her ear like] Janis: [when you nudge him like excuse me but it's just an excuse to snuggle into his side, we see you] Jimmy: [soz baby bobs but we gotta do another sneaky kiss here that may or may not be that sneaky soz again] Janis: [he'd be less grossed than cass and we all know it] Jimmy: [yeah and he's probs using his camera on himself/the scenery as they walk along anyways so] Janis: ['how's it feel having a mini-me?'] Jimmy: [shrugs cos used to it 'better than it'd feel Ian having one' cos that's the tea] Janis: [nods like ain't that the truth] Jimmy: [when you openly snuggle into her side without any excuse cos ugh he's the worst and you know he's been saying shit as standard] Janis: [taking your hand out of the pocket to hold his 'another pro of Mia, she's definitely infertile, no more Ians ever'] Jimmy: [little lol because you can't even help it] Jimmy: ['imagine the school lunch she'd pack, tah mum'] Janis: ['those appetite-suppressing lollipops are well kid-friendly'] Jimmy: ['do need this kid off my hands to have a smoke though so if you could give her a bell now that'd be decent'] Janis: ['um, cigarettes are the OG appetite-supressors, HELLO!' taps his head like think on but gestures like, you want me to go ahead with him or] Jimmy: [pulls her closer to him and holds onto her dramatically because no #bantsbutalsotherealest] Janis: [doing that half walk half dance you have to do when you're holding onto each other and still moving for a while 'cos not going] Jimmy: [giving her the realest intense don't leave me look before you can stop yourself because the neediest softest boy ever bye] Janis: [just looking back not faltering 'I ain't gonna leave you alone with 'em, if only for the purely selfish reason I don't wanna be alone with 'em either'] Jimmy: [a hug moment that he really needs and is made cuter by Bobby joining in cos they a lil fam] Janis: [love a group hug moment, live your best life, ain't no one stop you, especially not Ian bye] Jimmy: [shakes his head at himself like get your shit together now boy] Janis: [puts Bobby's shades down for him 'cos cool kid and mimics the same at him like you got this babe] Jimmy: [a wonderful hand squeeze of thanks and hand holding the rest of the way] Janis: [squad roll up honey] Jimmy: [let's do this lads, take a deep breath before the pink hits you but] Janis: [literal deep breath as if you're not gonna do your best to do the bare minimum of socializing before finding a cosy corner] Jimmy: [god bless, can't even shade you two cos its gonna be so awks, I can so clearly hear and see Venus' dad's extraness like] Janis: [as much as she's 😒 at least he's met cali enough for that to not be unbearable just keep rio away lowkey lol] Jimmy: [we all know they are gonna take a smoke break the first chance they get full offense everybody but could be worse cos grace is lowkey tipsy af already so] Janis: [just exchanging a look but not a sexy look with him like okay and we were pre-drinking] Jimmy: #whitegirlwasted Jimmy: you might've taught me that but she's reminding me Janis: 😂 Janis: she's an education in all things white alright Jimmy: 👌👌 Jimmy: [okay but Jimmy chatting to Indie cos she's brought Astrid and he's got Bobs and remember when he was like 10/10 would bang lol] Janis: [just off securing that bitch vodka] Jimmy: [take it girl you're gonna want it] Janis: [talking to Rio (and Buster and Venus' dad etc) without him 'cos you wanna keep her away 'cos embarrassing] Jimmy: [he's just settling Bobs in but he's got loads of kids and hippie brother so he's buzzing unlike most of these guests] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: all good? Jimmy: you alright? Janis: you know Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: that's about the gist of it, yeah Jimmy: what are you drinking, girl? Janis: that's a poor excuse for chat, boy Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: do you want one or what? Janis: obviously Jimmy: 🏃 me Jimmy: hang on Janis: you offered Jimmy: [brings her that beverage and knocks their glasses together] Janis: ['careful, wouldn't wanna spill anything'] Jimmy: [gives her a look because she wanted to spill their blood on the marble not that long ago lol] Janis: [shrugs like what] Jimmy: [shrugs back like what cos always] Janis: [🙄 and dranking] Jimmy: [we all drinking] Janis: this is so ugly Jimmy: it's 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Jimmy: get it right babes Janis: my point still stands Jimmy: smack me, I'll get a clashing colour nosebleed and we'll have to leave Janis: alright, sounds fun Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: you wish Jimmy: when I blow out the kid's candles in a bit you'll have to do it 👸 Janis: [does mini lol] Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: [starts heading out in response] Jimmy: [following the bae] Janis: ['we shoulda got another pack' as she's tapping two out, like no time for sharing] Jimmy: [gives her a playful look like literally you had one job 'I'll go in a bit' but obvs he means on the way back he's not just gonna leave her lol] Janis: ['I'm an optimist, I didn't think it'd be this bad, sue me' 😏] Jimmy: [little lol 'why we're such a good match, duh'] Janis: ['for now, anyway'] Jimmy: [💔 with his hands] Janis: ['believable'] Janis: [does 👎] Jimmy: [does OTT sad face and fake crying like is that better?] Janis: ['if you want sympathy you gotta aim it at your new, not your old' taps her head, like Jimmy: [👍 IRL like tah for that] Janis: ['in you go' shoos 'cos so polite] Jimmy: [playfight moment cos oi] Janis: ['stop it' but a LOOk obvs] Jimmy: [a look back like make me cos distract yourselves with being flirty af kids] Janis: [shakes her head 'I'm busy' takes pause to inhale to prove point then exhales 'ask your friend instead'] Jimmy: ['which one, got so many friends, me'] Janis: [just makes face like you know] Jimmy: [makes a face back like no I don't] Janis: [rolls her eyes but not agressively so add the smirky face, like, 'good job you're pretty, babe'] Jimmy: [bats his eyelashes at her in an OTT way and makes a kissy face, it's almost like Grace is in the room lol] Janis: [makes a vom face and pushes him away 'no, you're dumped, get out'] Jimmy: [hair flip and walk away but not far away thanks] Janis: ['technically, half of these are yours' and shakes the cigs at him] Jimmy: ['not til you say yeah to tying the knot, babe, today the day?'] Janis: ['obviously, this-' gestures around '-is all I really want'] Jimmy: ['obviously'] Janis: [shakes head and sighs, 'least bobby's having fun, like'] Jimmy: [nods because that's the best he could expect as an outcome tbh] Janis: [kicks at his shins but softly not actual 'cheer up'] Jimmy: [is all like oi cos fancy clothes but not actually mad obvs 'alright, challenge accepted'] Janis: [looks at him expectantly] Jimmy: [hits her with a 'what?' as standard] Janis: ['come here, idiot'] Jimmy: [does of course] Janis: [sneaky garden makeouts forever] Jimmy: [take what you can get kids, probably gonna have to go back in before too long] Janis: [Astrid probably having a meltdown so you gotta go in to check on the kid you brought lol] Jimmy: [Indie just gotta leave with her so the numbers are dwindling #awks] Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔💔🎻🎻 Janis: really should've scaled this back, all things considered Jimmy: but the 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Jimmy: actually would be 💔 Jimmy: it's a 3 💎 event, girl Janis: for who Jimmy: everyone #obvs Janis: I repeat Janis: who Jimmy: your horse would be feeling it if you'd brought her along 👸👑🐴💕 Janis: can't bring a horse for a date Janis: not that kind of horse girl Jimmy: 😂 Janis: gutting, I know Janis: not even afer the honeymoon Jimmy: might be a challenge too far competing with 🐴🍆like, 💪🏆 as I am Jimmy: so you're alright Janis: 😂 Janis: no amount of 🍀 gonna help you Janis: 🤷 soz Jimmy: 💕 meant to help me, Juliet Jimmy: choose me 😍💘 Janis: you've always said how much I love horses so Janis: how could I Jimmy: 😭😭💔💀💀💀 Jimmy: on you go then Jimmy: 👋 Janis: Missed a perfect opportunity to go with fuck you and the horse you rode in on Janis: which is why I already dumped you so Jimmy: missed a perfect opportunity to leave with Indie an' all but I've still got the orchestra to see me out Janis: 🎺 'cos you're not funny Jimmy: bit rude Janis: have we met Jimmy: dunno, my mrs does have a very different #aesthetic Janis: lucky her Jimmy: she's going out with me, she's well lucky #duh Janis: mhmm Janis: I'm gonna politely smile 'til you go away now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can I trust you not to spike my drink, creeper Janis: too many of my family members are congregating and I can't Jimmy: no need, give it a bit and you'll do the work of being gone yourself, lightweight Janis: fuck off Janis: how you gonna say that when she's stood right there Janis: barely Jimmy: you want me to start comparing you and her? Jimmy: not that thick or ready to 💀💀💀 tah Janis: Changed your tune Jimmy: so fickle me Janis: clearly Jimmy: keeping up with you, I reckon Jimmy: am I dumped or your #goals boyfriend bringing you drinks and whatever else your heart desires? Janis: you wanted the gig Janis: tux sadly not included Jimmy: [obvs brings her drinks tho cos needs them himself anyway] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: sláinte pisshead 💕 Janis: be nice Jimmy: you Janis: I am Janis: so nice Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: where? Janis: [��] Jimmy: go on, get your #receipts out Janis: why are you being a dick for Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: [😒 and an actual pout not the emoji kind] Jimmy: [gotta kiss that pout soz fam] Janis: [not soz, claim this corner lads] Jimmy: [being really nice to her rn like come back to meeeeeeeee and be my friend again] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Grace being a salty single from afar] Janis: [when you're so over this whole mood you ain't even arsed about the attention your PDA will get either way] Jimmy: [likewise only care about the bae and making this more bearable for her so soz but not soz at all actually] Janis: ['sorry' when you take a sec 'cos actual] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and not just saying it] Janis: ['it's stupid but' shrugs 'cos what can you do 'soon as they cut the cake, I swear'] Jimmy: [just snuggling her cos he'll be here as long as it takes and so much love] Janis: [just forgetting your rep and being soft for a sec] Jimmy: [#ultimategoals 5eva nobody else exists bye] Janis: ['I actually fucking love you, you know'] Jimmy: [when you're kissing her but you can't stop smiling the whole time because always gonna get you when she says that] Janis: ['I mean it' not like she doesn't think he believes her but 'cos she do and that's crazy if you ever stop and think about it which they clearly don't #nochill] Jimmy: [giving her the most intense heart eyes cos he knows and it's so mutual] Janis: [just snuggling] Jimmy: [let them have all the moments I am unrepentant af] Jimmy: [just whispering all the nice things to her like how much he loves her and how important all of this is to him etc because he could be saying anything fam its not for you] Janis: [when your face probably looks like you're #scandalized but really it's 'cos it's not saucy and that gets you harder] Jimmy: [if you didn't wanna leave before you really do now so you can just be properly alone gdi] Janis: [gonna have someone cockblock, probably one of your parents trying to talk to you like now lads okay lol] Jimmy: [rude but real] Jimmy: do you wanna just fuck off for a bit after this? Jimmy: catch a train or a lift like Janis: yes Janis: always, like Jimmy: nobody'll be at the caravan if they've all had to come here Jimmy: don't have to be there though Janis: a good base if nothing else Janis: but we can go anywhere Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: have to drop the kid back first, change out of this shit Jimmy: can grab the dog if you're both gonna be 💔💔 Janis: can't you bring the braces 😏 Janis: hmm, maybe Janis: the less responsibilities we leave for Cass/Ian, the less arsed everyone will be Jimmy: depends, are you taking the piss or what? Jimmy: and yeah but that don't mean I'm taking the kids meaning he'll still need me to leave classic FM blasting for him Janis: Would I do a thing like that Janis: you know you still look fit Janis: 🎻 obvs Janis: don't want him to enjoy himself ever Janis: just not ban me and 💀you Jimmy: stop looking at me like that or you'll 💀 me Janis: I can't help it Janis: not my fault everything else in here is offensively 🎀🌺🌸💎💎💋 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: love you too Jimmy: and how impressively you backhand them compliments Janis: gotta keep you grounded, babe Jimmy: then, as I said, stop looking at me like that, babe Jimmy: #groundednotintheground Janis: you're so Janis: make everyone go away Jimmy: how many bathrooms does this place have? Jimmy: let's hide in one for a bit Janis: more than one Janis: and there ain't enough guests here that they need to be queuing Janis: come interrupt so I can show you Jimmy: [does and can because has never been here before so legit wouldn't know where to go] Janis: [off you run children] Jimmy: [someone'll come find you if they need you for birthday things and you aren't back so take all the moments] Janis: [also none of you are stupid you know what's happening so leave 'em for a hot sec tbh] Jimmy: [mhmm all of y'all have pull these same tricks at some point and we know it] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [do we want skerries again or somewhere different?] Janis: [should go somewhere different why not] Jimmy: [yeah I'm thinking get the train/hitchhike until they are fed up and then just get out cos destination ain't the important bit] Janis: [a mood] Jimmy: [feels real even they come back tomorrow, being gone long isn't the point either really] Janis: [exactly, it's just about leaving]

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

Text

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: I can't believe you're going along with this craziness Nancy: Oh my god, Rio Rio: I know it's fast Rio: but really, what difference does it make Nancy: It's not just fast, it's rushed Nancy: Not to sound like my mother but he should literally be at school Rio: I did tell him to go back Rio: He just wants to help with all the mess here Nancy: By leaving to jet off and get married? Yeah okay Rio: Well, obviously that's different Rio: but that's for me Nancy: My parents are gonna kill him, you do know that, right? Rio: I know Rio: but like I said, everyone knew Rio: it wasn't just empty words, we were always going to go through with it Nancy: Jesus Nancy: When he'd graduated, sure Nancy: Not now Nancy: He's not even started uni yet Rio: Give him chance to see the world and change his mind Rio: I know that's what your family wants, it's alright Nancy: If you're thinking there's a chance of it too, don't marry him Nancy: You're already engaged, everyone knows he's with you Nancy: You don't need to prove he's locked down before freshers week, like Rio: That's not why we're doing this Rio: Or how I am Nancy: Explain it to me then, 'cause lord knows he hasn't Rio: It is getting a little old, like Rio: Because we want to be married Rio: How else is there to say it Nancy: But why can't you just wait? Rio: Why should we though? Nancy: There's only a million reasons Nancy: Namely you aren't kids anymore and know how to be mature about things Nancy: Everyone would wanna be there, not tacked on as an afterthought, like Nancy: He should want to not spend all my parents money on this and wait until he's earning his own Nancy: You don't even live together Nancy: Do I actually have to go on? Rio: No you don't Rio: none of you want to be there Rio: and your parents don't specify what he's gotta do with the ridiculous amount of money they throw at him so Rio: if they wanna now it's a bit late, isn't it Nancy: That's not true Nancy: You're being unfair Nancy: Give me some credit if not them, I've been nothing but supportive Rio: I'm not saying you've not accepted that it's happening Rio: most have but no one's happy about it and that's fine Rio: can't force it but why wouldn't we want to do it alone without the pressure and background thought of all your lots bullshit, you know Nancy: No, you're just saying I wouldn't wanna be there Nancy: I love you both Rio: We'll have another one Rio: Later, with everyone Nancy: That's not the same Nancy: That's just a party Rio: What, you're really invested in the religious ceremony now or the legality of it all? Rio: It'll be the same Nancy: You're gonna be a bitch to me right now, really? Nancy: Okay fine Rio: I'm not trying to be a bitch but really Rio: it isn't an argument, stick to your former points if you like Rio: but that ain't valid Nancy: Oh my god, Buster spends all this time acting like I don't care, basically telling me I don't and now when I'm trying to show that I do neither of you want it Rio: Because it only comes up whenever y'all want us to not do something Nancy: Don't lump me in with my parents Nancy: That's so rude Rio: Sorry Rio: We told you because you are different Rio: and we weren't going to just do it and give you no warning Nancy: But not different enough that you actually want me there Nancy: Or that you don't think I need to be warned like this is the worse news ever or something Rio: It's hardly personal, come on Rio: We don't want anyone there Nancy: It's personal to me Nancy: I've only got one brother Rio: He isn't dying Rio: This doesn't need to be the thing it's becoming Rio: plenty of couples do the official wedding before the reception and all that, it's not that different Nancy: Other couples don't matter to me Nancy: And I don't know how you don't get what a big deal this is, not only that you're getting married, which is one thing Nancy: But also that you're basically doing it in secret again Rio: It's not a secret Rio: it's just for us Rio: I want to do one thing for myself Rio: all due respect this isn't about any of you Nancy: I'm not trying to make you feel bad Nancy: Or take anything away from you Nancy: Honestly Nancy: I'm just trying to get my head around this Rio: Yeah Rio: It's okay Rio: I know it's sudden, like I said Nancy: I know he really wants this Nancy: I could tell Nancy: I just Nancy: Is anything ever gonna calm down with this family, or? Rio: Probably not Rio: Looking unlikely Nancy: If you're happy that's all I want Nancy: Oversimplified maybe but Rio: I know it's not going to make you happy Rio: I'm just trying to say Rio: do you have to be unhappy about it, like Rio: it's not the worst thing, yeah Nancy: I'm not unhappy, I was just shocked Nancy: This is my brother you're marrying, you know Nancy: It's not exactly typical of him Rio: I know Rio: I know it's weird, like I am aware Rio: but it just is, you know Nancy: I understand Nancy: You want what you want Nancy: You can't unwant it 'cause someone else tells you to or isn't happy about it Nancy: You shouldn't have to Nancy: You literally don't have to, like Rio: Yeah Rio: Pretty much Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: Don't apologize Nancy: I couldn't just not be gay when I was getting bullied for it Nancy: I'm glad I don't like boys, believe me Nancy: Buster's the happiest he's ever been, you did that. So don't be sorry Rio: I didn't mean for any of this to happen Rio: to like him, I just did Rio: but I can't live an apology when I don't feel it anymore Nancy: I know Nancy: You love each other, you don't get to control that Nancy: And its a good thing, even when it doesn't feel like it Nancy: Who wants to be alone? To fight against what they want? Nancy: You're happy so be it Rio: Thanks, Nance Rio: You know we love you too Nancy: I know you do Nancy: Jury's still out on him Rio: Nah Rio: He does Nancy: Today maybe Nancy: 'Cause I'm not gonna tell mum and ruin his life Rio: Least wait 'til we're outta the country Rio: wouldn't put it past her to get us on the no-fly list Nancy: I'm gonna let her see all his bragging on the socials instead Nancy: More fun that way Nancy: "Your classroom looks suspiciously tropical, Buster" Nancy: While Dad just hits him with "Cool pic" Rio: 😂 Rio: Gonna laugh whilst I can Nancy: Me too Nancy: On the plus side, I think you've taken the heat off me at least until I graduate, so thanks Rio: Easy Rio: if I live to cause more turmoil you're very welcome Rio: what are the hated daughter-in-laws for after-all Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Oh honey, once you're married in you're gonna wish she hated you Nancy: She's gonna get so invested in your life Nancy: Can't have you ruining his, after all Rio: I'll take it Rio: Didn't stick around for career's advice and I could do worse, like Nancy: True Nancy: I'm just basking in the joy of knowing it literally doesn't matter who I bring home Nancy: Oh the freedom Rio: 😏 Rio: Charming Nancy: You know what I mean Nancy: I could be fucking my therapist and it'd be sidelined by this Rio: Well Rio: are you Nancy: Gross Nancy: No Rio: That's alright then Nancy: But she constantly says I need to be single for a while, so she clearly wants me for herself Rio: Deffo Nancy: Like, excuse you, Diane, I've been single for 18 years near enough Nancy: 1 girlfriend, honey, we've talked about it, get with the program Rio: Basically a nun Rio: out here calling you a dirty jezzie Nancy: Yeah, I know Nancy: Thank god you're giving me time to find a date for the other wedding Nancy: Clearly I'll need it, or a new therapist Rio: If you're moving Diane in, then yeah Rio: Unprofessional Nancy: Lord Nancy: She is so not the one Nancy: I think I hate her? Is that meant to be a thing? Rio: Probably Rio: You're stubborn and she's essentially telling you what to do Nancy: It's even worse Nancy: She makes me tell myself 🙄 Rio: Yeah Rio: Smug, init Nancy: It really is Nancy: Ugh enough about me Nancy: When are you going? What are you wearing? Rio: Brazil Rio: and Christ knows, oddly I don't have a wedding dress just hanging about Rio: I'll find one there, I guess Nancy: The question was when, he told me where but he hadn't got that far Nancy: I think he thinks you're gonna call it off unless you've made it to the actual plane Nancy: Just don't get married in a white bikini, yeah? Rio: Oh, my bad Rio: Head is truly all over the place Rio: Well, I am that tacky Nancy: 😲 take that back right now Nancy: You are not Nancy: This isn't the mindset Rio: Do you wanna like, moodboard my shotgun wedding for me? 😂 Rio: That's what I'm hearing here Nancy: UM YES Nancy: Get some Chanel and YSL involved, like Rio: Noted Rio: Whether that's the old or new depends how skint we're feeling once we're there, clearly Nancy: It's got to be classic or I'm disowning you Nancy: I'll allow you to save the real designer labels for the big day, bit of Vera or whoever but I can only budge so far, sorry Nancy: The silhouette is still everything even if he's the only one seeing it Rio: 😂 Rio: That's what I'm saying, stick with the bikini Rio: He'll be blown away Nancy: 🙄🙄 Nancy: That's so disgustingly true as well Nancy: Men Rio: Oh please Rio: Like you wouldn't wanna see your wifey like that Nancy: I'm not getting married ever but if I did, that woman better dress up for me Nancy: Whole 9 yards Nancy: Did you see my mother's wedding dress? Iconic Rio: Hmm Rio: Maybe you're right Rio: Great, now I gotta stress about that Rio: Thanks bitch 😜 Nancy: I would say sorry but I'm not Nancy: You can wear a bikini any time, you'll be going for like a week + Nancy: Besides, he's the kind of boy who actually appreciates clothes Nancy: Labels anyway Rio: I blame you entirely Nancy: Not sorry, again Rio: You can explain my sudden cold feet to him then Nancy: Gladly Nancy: Me and him haven't argued in so long Rio: 😑 Nancy: It would get something back to normal, that's all I'm saying Rio: Who wants normal? Nancy: Um Nancy: Me Rio: Nah Rio: Only 'cos you ain't had it Rio: No fun, trust Nancy: Alright, Diane 2.0 😏 Rio: Don't get ideas Rio: I know you love me but Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Are we gonna have time to do a hen before you go or are you literally flying out when you close this convo? Rio: Who? Me, you and Indie Rio: That would be interesting Nancy: Well, just me and you then Rio: I don't actually know, I'll have to check Rio: I know we were planning for asap but might've given himself a day to pack Rio: you know how it is Nancy: Tell him he can come to the spa too, he'll make time for that Rio: Yeah? Rio: Alright, prep us for the long ass flight Nancy: He loves a facial as much as I do, more probably Nancy: Not to mention a massage Rio: 😏 Rio: Know I'm meant to be mature and everything but Rio: lmao Nancy: DO NOT Nancy: So gross Rio: You said it! Rio: I can't help that Nancy: And you know exactly how I meant it 😒 Nancy: Just 'cause neither of us should be in white dresses no need to disgust me, thanks Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm not sorry Nancy: Well, please change your mind on that Nancy: 'Cause I'm too gay and too related for this, like Rio: That doesn't work getting you out of family functions, it's not gonna work now, babe Nancy: So mean Nancy: Okay fine I'm too single for this Rio: Aww Rio: I don't think we should go to that kinda spa Rio: too weird even for me Nancy: Oh god Nancy: 🙈🙉 Rio: What are hen parties for? Rio: I see why you're so keen now Nancy: I've never been to one Nancy: Thankfully Ro didn't get that far Rio: Shame Rio: I'd have loved to get her a stripper Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Librarian or something Rio: Sexy Rio: Drew probably would've done it Rio: the actual horror Nancy: I just choked on my coffee Nancy: and I'm this close to throwing up Nancy: But it's helped me think of the best stripper for her Nancy: Jesus himself Nancy: Sexily removes crown of thorns Rio: STOP Rio: Nothing hotter than blasphemy Nancy: I WISH I COULD Nancy: Help me actual Jesus Rio: He ain't gon' save you now Rio: fully looking the other way Nancy: Turning that chiseled jaw line 💔 Rio: Gutted Rio: Yeah, you gay, but you're a fellow ginge Rio: no loyalty Nancy: No way he was ginger Nancy: Or that he looked as much like a woman as he does in the art Rio: You should be living for femme Jesus Nancy: I didn't say I wasn't Nancy: Just that it's unlikely Rio: If you wanna chat theology, hit up your auntie fr Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I've done enough babysitting of them both recently Rio: Fun Rio: I just can't wait for the 2 month update when she tells us about all the things Astrid can do Rio: like, blink, cry, shit Nancy: Don't Nancy: There'll be a newsletter Nancy: Why do you think I wanna come to brazil? I'm planning to stay away until the christening is a distant memory Nancy: She's been planning it since before the baby came out, I swear Rio: Gotta get into heaven, mama Rio: the christening dress, good lord Rio: at least she's a girl, the poor baby boys Nancy: Right? Nancy: She wants to approve my outfit too Nancy: Excuse me, who am I? When have I ever made a faux pas Rio: 😂 Unlucky Rio: No showing your knees in church, bitch Nancy: 😒 Nancy: Poor Diane, it's all she's heard about 'cause I'm furious Nancy: Like, I'm not even joking I've had to send her links of what I'm going buy and she's said no to several looks Rio: The cheek Rio: you can't dress code a christening Nancy: Do you see Buster sending her pics of suits, no you do not Nancy: Golden boy could turn up topless in speedos and she wouldn't care Rio: Fresh from Ipanema Rio: She's gonna be 💔 about this wedding forreal Nancy: At least her and mum can bond over it Nancy: Break their silence Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Yeah? Rio: I knew my mum said it'd been pretty quiet Nancy: Better than them screaming at each other Nancy: Astrid doesn't need that Rio: I guess Rio: Was never going to be a joyous time was it Nancy: Not really Nancy: I don't blame you for wanting to leave Rio: Not like I'm allowed 'round that drama anyway Rio: got enough, still Nancy: Yeah Rio: Ah well Nancy: Feel free to join me in therapy Nancy: Buster won't Rio: You're good Rio: Wouldn't know where to begin, like Nancy: It's not as if I did either Nancy: I still don't Rio: Does it help? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: It doesn't, not help, if that makes sense Nancy: Like, I don't feel any worse Nancy: So maybe? Rio: It ain't hurting at least Nancy: Yeah Nancy: And I'll take that Nancy: It's weirdly nice to have someone to talk to, who's not too busy to really listen Rio: Yeah Rio: It makes sense Rio: and someone who odds on has a chance of knowing what they're chatting Nancy: It does make you feel less crazy when they don't look at you like 😲😲😲 Rio: Can't teach that poker face in Psych 101 Nancy: I thought I had a good one but she's taken it well and truly up a notch Rio: I think about the bad things too much as is though, never mind setting aside time for that shit Nancy: Me too Nancy: I could not feel more self indulgent, believe me Rio: Nah Rio: I think it's a good thing Rio: I just don't want to Nancy: I get it Nancy: Most days I don't want to, still Nancy: If she'd just let me text her I'd never go, like Rio: You just want her personal number, babe Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I told you, she's not the one Rio: Whatever you say, honey Nancy: Shush, bitch Rio: 😂 Nancy: I've text my brother about the spa, if I don't hear back I'll assume he's already got you in the air Nancy: Or, you know, he's being a prick Rio: 👍 Rio: I'll confirm either with a plane selfie Rio: or lack of, obvs Rio: Can you like Rio: just keep an eye on Indie when we are gone Rio: you don't have to do anything but she was a bit gutted so Rio: Everyone else will be too but yeah Nancy: Sure Nancy: Do you want me to text you updates spy style or do you want blissful ignorance? Rio: Put it this way Rio: Unless it's an emergency I can sort from Brazil Rio: I don't really want disturbing Rio: but you know the drill actual, keep an eye, tell the olders if she needs nagging into coming home for tea Nancy: Gross but fair Nancy: Okay Rio: Come on Rio: It's my honeymoon, what do you think gonna happen Nancy: I know what will I just don't need to think about my brother being the one doing it to you or with you Nancy: Thanks Rio: Don't be blowing up my phone then babe 😘 Nancy: You wish Rio: You know Rio: Forever holding out hope Nancy: It's fine, we don't need to make it competitive, I'm better Rio: 😂 Rio: That's the spirit Nancy: It's less of a brag more of a fact, really Nancy: Not saying you should dump him and marry me but Rio: Well if that's not what you're saying, why are you saying it at all? Nancy: I'm just saying if you did you know you wouldn't regret it, babe 😏 Rio: I would when you leave me high n dry and 💔 Nancy: Rude Nancy: I would never Rio: Sure 😏 Rio: Say that now Nancy: You're breaking my heart now! The love is real Rio: What can I say? Rio: Can't even hypothetically do him like that Nancy: So cute Rio: Yeah yeah Nancy: I better text him again to find out what he's planning to wear Nancy: Be awkward now if he didn't put the effort in, like Rio: You can bond over it Rio: you 🤓s Nancy: Like you're too cool to care, yeah? Nancy: You love to look good, too Rio: This? Rio: So effortless, naturally Nancy: You can fool him with that, but not me Rio: Rude Nancy: Now you know how the slander feels Nancy: I'm off to cry over the one that got away, obviously 😏 Nancy: Doubting my devotion Rio: Now I know why I don't go out with women Rio: fuck you knowing all my secrets, no thanks Rio: but okay then, see you getting a facial or not 😜 Nancy: Nobody knows all mine Nancy: Work on your excuses for why we can't be together before I see you next, yeah? Rio: Diane's working on it Nancy: She wishes Nancy: I'm not planning on seeing her every week for the rest of my life Rio: 💔 Nancy: That's my reputation, amongst other things so Rio: Gotta keep up appearances, babe Rio: Lord knows we're letting the side down Nancy: Anything for you, my love Rio: 💘 Nancy: You can invite Indie to the spa too, I promise not to seduce her in the sauna or anything Rio: I should hope the fuck not Rio: Not just jealousy talking Nancy: I should hope not Nancy: But I just mean, don't not invite her on my account, you know Rio: Of course Rio: I dunno what she'd make of it but I'll defs invite her Nancy: We might make a convert of her Nancy: The gay agenda Rio: Truly Rio: I just hope your brother is bringing back food she can eat Nancy: He's lived with you guys long enough Nancy: Must have a clue by now Nancy: I know he's a man but he's one with a brain Rio: And tastes that range beyond Maccas but Rio: he does his best, bless him Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I won't tell him if you don't Nancy: Big enough head, like Rio: That I can manage to keep from him, like Rio: Probably Nancy: You went from definitely to maybe so fast I didn't even get to challenge it Nancy: Disgustingly cute Rio: Progress from just plain disgusting Rio: I'll take it Nancy: I mean, you'll always be in hetero hell but Rio: 😏 Rio: I promise, it's not that bad Nancy: um okay sure Nancy: Unlikely story Rio: 😂 Rio: Not gonna make you try it, it's alright Nancy: You couldn't Nancy: We're over the age of sitting around getting dared to kiss Rio: Sure, you're saying that tonight Nancy: I'm saying that every night if you're offering me a man Rio: Suit yaself, butch Nancy: I will Nancy: Your taste is questionable, babe Nancy: Buster McKenna, of all people Rio: I've done considerably worse but that makes the bit less funny so Rio: go off Nancy: Thanks for letting me have my moment there Rio: Gotta get that best man material out somehow Nancy: Oh god Nancy: Am I gonna have to make a speech? Rio: Say what you like Rio: your brother would never hate you that much Nancy: I'll take that Rio: Though if you get pissed Rio: no stopping you Nancy: 🤐 Rio: I hope so, bitch Nancy: I'll have a date to impress/behave for, won't I? So Rio: Good luck 'cos doubt the rest will be on same orders Rio: dread to think 🙄 Nancy: Lord, don't put off the fictional lady before I've even properly thought her up Rio: My bad, my bad Rio: we're all totally sane and respectable Nancy: The numbers alone is intimidating without having to consider any of the personalities attached Nancy: Actually gonna die alone Rio: Not saying keeping it in the family is the way forward but at least I don't have to introduce him Nancy: I just loled Nancy: Won't be explaining that one to my barista Nancy: No offense Rio: Sure the town's already said it's piece on this one Nancy: Undoubtedly Nancy: School is even more fun now, like Rio: Soz Nancy: You really sound it, babe Nancy: I don't care, its not as if I have friends here anyway Nancy: Other than in the family Rio: Well, they'll find a reason to chat shit on us regardless Rio: Always have Nancy: Yeah Nancy: It's no different from my old school other than the accents they use when they slag you off Rio: Basically Rio: It's all the same shit Rio: why you think I left Nancy: I hope that wasn't the only reason Rio: Well no Rio: 'Course not Rio: There was just no reason to be there Nancy: Like Chlo Nancy: Did Buster tell you she left? Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm not secretly pregnant with a baby that's taking it's time though Rio: just FYI Nancy: Me either Nancy: I only kissed her, I swear Nancy: He must be so relieved she's gone though Rio: Yeah, seriously Nancy: I can't believe her and James haven't broken up yet Nancy: I bet he's glad he doesn't have to see as much of her too Rio: Must be a record, right? Rio: Way they all bedhop Rio: Be gladder when the baby's here and he ain't tied to it 24/7 Nancy: 100% they are both cheating Nancy: Well, if anyone will have them Rio: Probably a little hard to pull when you're clearly heavily preggo Nancy: I have no idea how far along she even is Nancy: But the morals in that friendship circle, it wouldn't surprise me if his friends were still hooking up with her Rio: I'm not totally sure myself Rio: bit over half way, I feel? Rio: It's actually gross Rio: like we've all had crossovers but never on purpose like Rio: it's like a weird badge of honour or something idk Rio: posh people love swinging, facts Nancy: But you two are the ones being incestuous, okay Nancy: Everything they do is way grosser Nancy: Buster is well out of it, so thanks Rio: If nothing else Rio: Stopped the likes of Millie Tillie being your sis in law Nancy: Yeah Nancy: He could've been the one having a baby with Chloe Nancy: Imagine Nancy: But don't, 'cause NO Rio: Easily Rio: I try not to, yeah Nancy: Making myself shudder in public Nancy: Thank god he isn't that stupid Rio: She didn't really give him a choice either way Rio: you know he was out of it Nancy: Obviously, but he would have used a condom though that's like muscle memory to him at this point the amount of girls he's been with Rio: If it were that simple no one'd be getting pregnant, babe Nancy: None of his conquests have Nancy: I'll give him that Rio: Shh Rio: Harshing my vibe, babe Nancy: Sorry Rio: S'all good Nancy: You seem happy Nancy: All things considered Rio: I am Rio: with him, like Nancy: And he is too Nancy: I know Rio: Good Rio: What more can I ask for, like Nancy: I'm sorry if I was being a judgey bitch before Nancy: I'm not trying to channel my auntie, honestly Rio: You weren't Rio: like, you were but in a valid way considering Nancy: I'm just trying to look out for you both Nancy: It's weird in the middle Nancy: I know if it was me instead of you, you would too Nancy: But I can't stand in the way, I know that Nancy: And I don't really want to if it's what you both want Nancy: Which obviously Rio: I know that, I swear Rio: You haven't done anything I wouldn't Rio: There's no way to prove this is the right thing but time so Nancy: You'd go way harder than me Nancy: But yeah Rio: Taking it as a compliment Rio: regardless of how it was intended Nancy: It was meant as one Nancy: You're a bad bitch, you know I love that about you Rio: 💘 Rio: You know how to win me 'round Nancy: I'd hope so Nancy: I've been around you long enough Rio: Yeah, no one's accusing me of being mysterious Nancy: Me either, don't worry Rio: Oh to be afforded the luxury Nancy: Let's call it overrated Rio: Seems like a suitably bad bitch thing to do Rio: I'm alright w it Nancy: Good to know Nancy: 'Cause it's a thing now Nancy: We're running with it Rio: Oh, Buster's back Nancy: Tell the prick to text me back Rio: Will do, I'll direct quote you Rio: Better go though, don't wanna let my food go cold Nancy: Thanks Nancy: Yeah sure that's the reason Nancy: I'm gay not blind Rio: You said it, sister 😍 Nancy: I'm not saying he's hot, I'm saying you think so Nancy: Before you go there Nancy: Anyway go Rio: 💋

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