#I'm so tired of people; I think I'll be just fine being by myself

[bintturaab]

...

[thornheartless]

Feeling very out of place with people, the world. I don't know. Like I talk too much but end up being quiet at the wrong times.

[noxtivagus]

aghh i'll be fine

[bluelocksource]

U-20 Japan National Team Match Just Before the Game: A Day in Daily Life at Blue Lock.

Isagi: "I styled my hair. The little sprout on top of my head looks great today! Just then, Bachira came up and said, "Harvest ♪" while grabbing it tightly. No matter how much I tried to escape, he kept holding on. I resigned myself to it and let him grip it for a while until he got bored and went off somewhere. What a free spirit!"

Gagamaru: "There’s no nature inside Blue Lock. I wanted to see trees and flowers. Anything would be fine. Just something green. While I was looking around, I found Otoya. His bangs are green, so when I stared at him, he said, "Not into guys."

Aryū: "Little by little, the Blue Lock folks are starting to get a taste of 'Osha.' But in truly 'Osha' moments, people shine. I swear here that one day I’ll show that!"

Niko: "I was caught washing my forehead by Aryū-kun. It was embarrassing. But he taught me, 'Embarrassment is an important emotion that makes us human.' I became interested in Aryū-kun. I want to know a little more about this 'Osha' thing."

Chigiri: "I fell asleep while drying my hair. There’s no one here to wake me up. My hair is long, so it takes a while. Maybe I'll cut it next summer."

Bachira: "When I was walking around n*k*d, Karasu scolded me! Otoya joined me in being n*k*d ♪ Isagi... treated me the same as always! It seems he’s gotten tired of making remarks at my n*k*dn*ss. What a strange guy."

Karasu: "I found myself in the bath with Hiori. We didn't really have a conversation, but that was perfectly fine. I think we were both comfortable with it. It was great to see him looking well. I'm glad we had the chance to meet again."

Nagi: "I ate alone. I did the laundry by myself. I’ve become able to train on my own. I'm proud of myself. Changing is fun, but it can also be a hassle and a little lonely. Still, I think it's an important thing."

Otoya: "I contacted some girls I know on my smartphone after a long time. Most of them didn’t respond. It turns out that not keeping in touch regularly really does make girls dislike you. On to the next one! Woohoo ♪"

Yukimiya: "I talked about various things with Nagi-kun. Like the things we like, and how we've managed to get this far. It seems that for Nagi-kun, the existence of Isagi is significant. It's a story that doesn't really concern me, but having a rival like that feels nice somehow."

Rin: "When I woke up in the morning, my left lower eyelash was turned inside out and it hurt my eye. It happens sometimes, right? Bedhead with lower eyelashes. Huh? Is it just me? My brother said he has it... Oh, don't remind me of that guy. What a terrible wake-up!"

Hiori: "I trained with Isagi-kun. I sent in crosses, and Isagi-kun delivered a direct shot. With each one, he practices with intention and communicates well. He’s a smart type. He’s a bit like Karasu, too. I don’t dislike Isagi Yoichi."

Reo: "I ate alone and trained alone. It’s been a while since I did anything by myself. I can live on my own, but I dream of things I can’t do alone. I have to change. It’s not over yet. Someday, I’ll do it once more."

Barou: "I touched up the "X" shave on my temple. One line represents my murderous intent towards others, and the other represents my murderous intent towards myself. What’s that? Don’t look at me, you stinky guy (Nagi). It’s not a mark saying to give me a headshot here!"

Igaguri: "My hair had gotten long, so I asked Shidou to cut it with clippers, and he ended up giving me a heart-shaped bald spot on the back of my head. Love Amida Buddha…"

Ishikari: "I suddenly felt like playing basketball, so I asked Anri-chan for a basketball. I gathered some people randomly, and it turned out Kiyora was surprisingly really good. Basketball is so much fun!"

Kurona: "Good morning, good morning. Hello, hello. Good night, good night. Greetings are important, very important. It’s a given, but it’s precious. Everyone’s everyday life, everyday life."

Kiyora: "For dinner today, should I have croquettes or minced cutlets? My heart is 50% 50%. I feel like both choices are correct, but I also think I’d regret whichever one I choose. Alright. I’ll eat both. ………………………… Damn, I ate too much and my stomach hurts. Should I lie down or go to the bathroom? The borderline starts again."

Zantetsu: "It's better to brush your teeth properly every day, I told everyone. They replied, 'You should study more.' Well, if you get a cavity, don't say I didn't warn you!"

Tokimitsu: "I was saying, 'I lack confidence. I want confidence,' when Karasu-kun teased me, saying, 'It was just lying in the bathroom earlier, right?' Ugh… come on, don’t mess with me for real… Well, I went to check the bathroom anyway… but of course, it wasn’t there! Uwaaa!"

Nanase: "I washed my headband. When I put it in the dryer, it shrank a lot... what should I do? For now, I just wore it as it was that day. My head felt 'juri juri' (itchy)... Oh, I mean it felt 'zuki zuki' (throbbing). There goes my dialect again! Hehe, sorry about that!"

Hiiragi: "I used my hobby of tarot cards to predict my future. The 'Devil' card came up… Well, it's just a fortune-telling, right? Nothing to worry about! Right?"

Raichi: "I got really into a sideburns talk with Ishikari! His sideburns are pretty good, but mine are definitely cooler! In the end, we ended up arguing about it!"

Shidou: "I woke up. My mind feels clear. Yeah, it’s a good start today. In the afternoon, my body feels energized. I can sense my cells buzzing with excitement. At night, my heart feels restless. I’m sure something will happen tomorrow. I want to experience this night, knowing I can sleep with that thought, over and over again."

Ego: "Anri-chan was drooling and sleeping at her desk. She should sleep in her own room. Well, I decided to show a little concern for her. With this, she’ll probably listen to me for a while again. Kindness has its intentions. That’s how humans are."

Anri: "I was given an assignment by Ego-san to come up with ideas to make the existence of the Blue Lock better known to the world. Since that day, I've been stressed and having strange nightmares. Damn it… I want to sleep well! I’ll do my best!"

source: Egoist Bible 2

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

humans are space orcs

imagine someone with chronic joint pain, whose dream their whole lives has been to go to space and meet the aliens and be a scientist and learn

so they look up the requirements as a kid and go "fuck."

they wouldn't make the cut.

their dreams are dashed. hopes ruined. lifelong dre destroyed.

except....

they've never really said a whole lot about their pain. they don't particularly like doctors, and they think that they've been managing just fine, so they never saw the point.

so maybe... maybe if they just don't say anything, they can make it to space.

they spend all of their time training. doing physical therapy exercises so that their joints aren't so loose, soaking up as much scientific and mathematical knowledge as they can, teaching themselves to push through the worst of it in pursuit of their dream.

and they make it.

they make it to space! it was gruelling, tortuous work, but they made it!

their first mission is an exploratory one, with a diverse crew which only has one other human.

they're thrilled.

they have dozens of alien friends and acquaintances. they spend hours learning and researching alien planets and cultures. it's everything they've ever wanted!

but

it's exhausting.

they're in more pain than they've ever been, more frequently than they ever have.

they keep up their exercises as best they can, but even those are often too much.

they smile when asked if they're alright, tell everyone that "i'm fine! just tired."

but they need a break. they can't imagine going or being sent back to earth, this is their home now, with these people, on this ship. but they don't know how much longer they can take this.

one day, on their day off, a fellow researcher comes and knocks on their door.

"are you here?"

"not today islith."

"but we've been called! there are some exciting new discoveries that need further cataloging and investigation, and carlmoth thought you would enjoy the task!"

"i can't today, islith."

"are you ill?"

"...kind of? but i'll be right as rain tomorrow. it's my day off anyhow."

"nonsense! you should go down to medbay!"

"i'm alright, i promise."

"you get out here right this minute or i'll report you to medbay myself!"

"no!" there's a series of crashes and thumps, and then they open the door.

"oh, you look awful. come on, you really must need medbay, what if you're contagious." islith tries to grab them but they shy away.

"i'm not contagious, i promise."

"how can you possibly know that? what if you picked it up from a sample, or, or, garfon has been sick recently! humans can't survive cerian sicknesses-"

"i didn't catch something from garfon, islith," they sigh and open the door wider. "come in and let me explain."

"alright, but if i think you should go to medbay afterwards then i'm taking you there."

"sure, islith."

islith enters, notices the piles of clothes, rumpled bedsheets, the lights are off and the port window shut.

"what's wrong?"

they sigh again, "my body doesn't work like it's meant to, islith."

islith is wildly alarmed, "and you said there was no need for medbay?!? come with me right now and-"

"no! i can't, islith, you don't understand."

"then explain it to me."

"i've... always been this way, although it's gotten worse as i've gotten older. my body, it just isn't built quite right, there's something wrong with it that makes it not work properly and hurt often."

"you're right, i don't understand. why can't you go to medbay?"

"i'd... be thrown off the ship."

"what?!?"

and so they tell islith a story about a young child whose dream was to touch the stars.

"and now, it's too late. i'd get in huge trouble for lying to the government, especially for so long."

"well- but- but humans are so resilient! you hear all the stories!"

"not every human is the same, islith. some of us are born disabled, and some of us get hurt in accidents, just like any other species."

"well, then, well there must be something we can do?"

they look up in shock, "we?"

"of course we, you ridiculous creature," islith said with a fond sigh. "you didn't think i'd leave you to suffer, would you?"

"but, you could get in so much trouble!"

"that's alright, i don't mind. what else are friends for? and, anyway, we don't have to tell your government, we can tell mine."

"but i'll-"

"we don't have any rules like that. any of us who are disabled can still manage in space just fine with the right support, and i bet you could too."

"i- islith- i don't-"

"don't worry, we'll all back you when it comes down to it. you're out teammate, our family. no one on this ship wants to watch you leave because of something you can't control. now come on, let's talk to glidlep in medical, she'll understand."

and for years, things continued on that way, until eventually it was an open secret that the human with the exosuit was disabled and not technically allowed onboard.

and down the line, when nasa found out and was furious, the entire ship and more stood by their side.

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[iluvmattsbeard]

where were you? (m.s)

master list

matt sturniolo x reader

VERY STRONG WARNING: SELF HARM/angst/swearing

(please do not read if you are highly sensitive with this subject.)

preview: you were the new student at school. you kept to yourself which caught Matt's eye. he was determined to figure you out.

a/n: this one hits close to home. if you are struggling with your mental health, know you are not alone. you are here for a reason. these type of emotions are tricky to figure out and no one should have to deal with them all by themselves. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU THINK. I thank the triplets for bringing me back to life, especially Matt for shining light on the subject and being so genuine.

it was early in the morning at school. you just moved to Boston a few weeks ago. you were suppose to start school right away but you couldn't find the strength to do so. you were dreading being in a new environment and meeting new people. today, you had no choice but to show up. the school was blowing up your grandparents phones asking when you will be coming in. so today, you finally showed up.

you walked into the school's office getting your schedule. "name?" the lady at the front desk asks. "y/n l/n" you spoke out quietly looking around. she nods as she looks through a drawer pulling out a small sheet of paper, also grabbing a map. she hands you them as she speaks, "welcome to our school. enjoy your first day!" she says with a warm smile. you give a weak closed mouth smile as you thank her.

you look at the map as you find your way to your first class. taking small steps as possible still dreading being there. you finally stop in front of the classroom door as you put your hand on the handle gently, taking a small breather before stepping inside.

as soon as you walk in, all eyes land on you. you stand there uncomfortably with your heart racing fast. you took their looks feeling judged already. "hello! you must be y/n. correct?" you nod. "great. nice having you here. you may take a seat anywhere." you try to avoid looking around as you make your way straight to the back, sitting in an empty seat. you sat next to a brown haired boy not really paying attention to his face. "hey" you hear him whisper. you turn to look at him automatically catching his blue eyes. "hi" you whisper back looking away after. "i'm Matt" he says still having his eyes on you. as you don't respond, he continues to speak, "uh... I just wanted to introduce myself since we'll be sitting next to each other for the rest of the quarter. we usually do lots of partner work so, I was just hoping to get to know you so this isn't awkward."

you look at him with a blank stare. you appreciated his effort. "I'm y/n" you respond. he gives a soft smile as he looks at the paper laying on your desk. "can I take a look?" he asks pointing at your schedule. you nod sliding it over to him. "I can help show you around." he offers looking up from the paper and back towards you. you shake your head a bit before speaking, "no it's fine." grabbing your schedule. "i'll figure it out." "well I would like to anyways to make you feel comfortable." he suggests. you knew he wasn't going to stop pushing so you later on agree.

Matt walked with you during every passing period before lunch. he showed you where the bathrooms were, where the library was, and where the cafeteria was before walking you to your next class. the last class before lunch. "that actually helps a lot" you tell him with the same weak smile from earlier. "i'm glad" he says with a smile before walking away. you walk into class as you sit down looking at the clock already wanting the time to go faster.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

you were finally home as you stand in front of your bathroom mirror sighing. you looked at yourself for a bit. analyzing your face noticing your heavy eye bags. you suffered from the worst insomnia. every night you felt yourself being so tired. but when you shut your eyes, your mind keeps you awake with thoughts you wish you could avoid.

“y/n?” you hear your grandmother say behind the door as she knocks. you open the door revealing her with a gentle smile. “hi y/n. how was school?” she asks. “it went great.” you reply lying through your teeth. you had no choice but to lie. you didn’t feel the need to throw your negativity onto her. you always kept your own thoughts to yourself. especially around your grandparents. you didn’t want to worry them or push them away. they were all you had since your parents disappeared with no warning a few years ago. that’s when everything went down hill for you.

you had this repetitive thought in your head telling you how much of a disappointment you were that even your own parents couldn’t stay. you slowly lost yourself and your ability to socialize.

when night time came around, you laid in bed in the pitch black dark as you let out a soft sigh shutting your eyes. you were practically begging at this point for a good night’s rest. but you couldn’t. you open your eyes as you get up and walk to the bathroom locking it. you opened the drawer and focus your eye on something you were use to. picking it up and letting out a shaky breath.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

it’s been a few days now since you’ve been at school. every day had you feeling drained. you even still felt like you were being constantly judged even though people’s stares soon disappeared. you still felt the need to be on your toes. it was lunch time. you walked out of class as you see Matt. “hey y/n. you want to join me for lunch?” he asks. you avoid eye contact with him walking as you speak, “i guess” he nods with a smile as he starts talking about how his day has been so far with you just listening.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

you and Matt have been talking more at school. you told him where you were before moving to Boston, you shared common interests, and he talked about his brothers a lot. you were slowly getting used to having him around.

as you and Matt sit in class, you both just sat there doing your work. it was pretty silent in class indicating everyone was focused. you were minding your business until one of your classmates accidentally bumped into your table causing your phone to fall onto the ground. you lean down in your chair reaching for your it as the sleeve of your hoodies goes up slightly. Matt also went to reach for your phone but he stopped himself when he catches a glimpse of your slightly raised sleeve.

Matt’s POV

when i almost reached down to pick up y/n’s phone, i can’t help but notice her sleeve going up a bit revealing her wrist covered in red slits. it stopped me in my tracks as i sat there in shock. she didn’t notice at all that i seen. i look away as i continue to do my work, or pretend, having the image stuck on my mind. why would she do that?

End of Matt’s POV

when school finally ends, you walk out the doors as you get stopped by Matt. “hey y/n!” you turn to look at him. “oh hi” you respond. “you said you walk home so, can i give you a ride?” he asks. “no it’s okay. i like to walk.” you reply with a blank stare. Matt has now been eyeing you closely after what happened.

“come on” he says grabbing your hand softly with a slight smile pulling you to where his car is. “Matt seriously it’s no problem” you say. he opens the door for you looking at you before speaking, “get in” you step inside his car thanking him. “well that was nice of him”you thought to yourself.

the car ride was mostly silent as the only sound playing was his music slightly low. you notice he would glance at you from time to time. after a bit, he pulls up in front of your house putting the car in park. “thank you Matt. i really appreciate it.” you spoke looking at him. “anytime y/n.” he responds smiling. before you completely got out the car he stops you. “oh wait.” you turn around to look at him again. “is it okay to ask for your number?” he asks hoping you would say yes. “um.. sure.” you reply hesitantly. you never really gave anybody your number before. but Matt has been the first to ask for your number in the first place. he hands you his phone and you type it in. he thanks you with a smile and you just nod before going inside.

it was later in the night when you found yourself on your bathroom floor with a blank face. you look down and lift up your sleeves as you flinch a bit from the fabric sticking onto your fresh cuts. you looked at it feeling numb. you had your reasons for doing what you did. but nobody seemed to care to ask. you hid it from your grandparents because you didn’t want to crush them. they basically raised you when your parents couldn’t. they didn’t need to feel like they failed because that’s far from the truth. they did everything right. you just truly were stuck in your own head. that’s why the only comfort you were use to was picking up your razor blade.

you sigh as you let your thoughts consume you. you didn’t want to feel this way anymore. you just wanted to escape from your own head. you pick up the blade but hear your phone buzz.

unknown number

‘hey y/n it’s matt’

you pick up your phone as you reply back.

Y/N

‘hi matt’

as soon as you know it, you two were texting all night distracting you before going to bed.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

it’s been quite some time now you’ve been in Boston. even though you had Matt, every single day that goes by got you feeling weaker and weaker. Matt would distract you sometimes. he still had no clue what you’ve been going through. besides the one time he’s seen it but never brought it up.

Matt’s POV

i showed up to school anticipating excitement knowing i get to see y/n. she’s honestly the best person to talk to. it still crosses my mind the thought of her hurting herself but lately i haven’t seen any other signs. but when i arrived to class, she wasn’t there.

Matt

‘where are you?’

i text her but i get no response. i decided to wait and not think much of it until i realized she wasn’t texting back all day.

Matt

‘y/n are you okay?’

‘answer me y/n’

‘why aren’t you at school? why aren’t you replying?’

no response.

when school ends, i decided to get in my car and drive to her house. it was starting to scare me.

End of Matt’s POV

you sat on your bathroom floor with your head leaned against your bath tub, looking at the ceiling. your door wasn’t closed all the way so when Matt walked into your room and saw you in your bathroom, he felt his heart drop. you turned your head as you sat up, “Matt? how’d you get in here?” you ask confused. he walks up to you as he shuts the bathroom door.

“your grandma let me in.” he says. “why weren’t you responding to my texts? what’s wrong?” he asks. you avoid eye contact as you speak, “sorry. just didn’t feel like going.” all he does is stare at you before sitting down in front of you. “talk to me” he says quietly not pulling his eyes away from you. “there’s nothing to talk about?” you say in a confused tone. “clearly there is. i know you don’t like school but you will show up. how come not today?” he questions. “like i said, i didn’t feel like going.” you respond looking at your hands. “are you at least okay?” Matt asks with worry plastered on his face.

“of course i am” you say looking at him with a weak smile. “why wouldn’t i be?” he stays silent as he grabs your hand softly. taking his other hand to raise your sleeve slowly, with him looking at it frozen. you yank your hand away as you get up pulling the sleeve back down.

“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask as you feel yourself heat up. he stands up as well before speaking, “y/n why didn’t you tell me?” “what was there to tell you Matt?” you say in annoyance. “you doing that y/n. why didn’t you just tell me?” he asks with a somber face. “i saw them before in class when you reached for your phone. i never said anything because i didn’t want to pressure you.” “what was i suppose to tell you Matt?!” you say raising your voice. “it’s none of your business or your concern!”

“y/n please talk to me. i’m worried about you.” he says trying to grab your hand but you step back. “don’t touch me! i don’t need you feeling sorry for me.” you tell him. “i care about you. i get you like to keep things to yourself but i’m hear to listen.” he says. you let out a scoff, “this is unbelievable.” you say. “what’s so unbelievable about me wanting to be here for you?” you look at him with your face burning up from rage after his response. “i didn’t ask for you to be here! you should’ve minded your own business.” you exclaim. “i felt like i needed to be here y/n. for you. i don’t want you going through this alone. it pains me to know you just keep quiet.”

“because it’s none of your fucking business Matt! it’s my shit to keep to myself. not for you to hear. it pains you? well how do you think i feel!” you yell out. “y/n please.” he says quietly. “no Matt! i want you gone. no one has ever been here for me before and i sure as hell don’t need anybody now! especially you being here telling me you care when you don’t know shit!”

“yeah i don’t know shit y/n. that’s why i’m here trying to prove to you that i want to be here for you!” he says keeping eye contact. “Matt just get out!” you yell. “i’m not going anywhere y/n.” he says getting close to you trying to hold you but you push your hands against his chest trying to pull away from him, repeatedly screaming out, “get out! get out! GET OUT!” but he doesn’t listen and you eventually give into his hold as you break down crying with your legs giving out. Matt goes down as well holding you as he leans back against the sink cabinet wrapping his arms around you, embracing you in a hug.

he rubs your back softly as you sob in his chest. “i got you y/n. i’m right here for you.” he says reassuringly, resting his chin on your head. “i’m here to listen.” he pulls away as he lifts up your chin looking at the tears roll down your cheeks. he wipes them away and tucks your hair behind your ear. “i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i want the thoughts to go away and i try to put it into words but i just don’t get it.” you say sadly. he holds your hand as he speaks, “i know it can be difficult. i’m not asking you to tell me everything now because i know this is new for you. take all the time you need. but, i will be here. for you.” you look into his eyes as more tears stream down your face from his kind words. “you’ll be okay i promise.” he finishes, wiping your tears away again. you wrap your arms around his neck hugging him as he wraps his around your waist.

you knew you were safe with him. he validated that for you. “where were you when i needed someone the most?” you whisper out. “i could’ve avoided all this.”

“now they’re just going to turn into ugly scars…” you add on. he pulls away from the hug as he lifts up your sleeves. you gulp as he looks at them. he pulls your arms up gently to his face as he leaves soft kisses on your self inflicted wounds.

“don’t say that. when they turn into scars, i will look at them and tell you how incredibly beautiful they are.” he says. “you’re here for a reason y/n. these that will soon turn into scars, will show how you’ll progress to be stronger.”

you smile softly not even remembering the last time you actually let out a real smile. “thank you Matt.” you say. he smiles as he leaves a kiss on your forehead. “don’t thank me. i’ll always be here.” he says leaving the both of you still on the bathroom floor embracing each other.

A/N: i hope you guys enjoyed this Matt imagine. please always spread kindness and positivity!

[xinganhao]

🪶 dead poets society!hhu x reader.

i heard the hip-hop unit asked you to join the dead poet's society! ✶ part of my svt university milestone event

⤿ hip-hop unit as members of a poetry society, choose-your-own romance (🙂), poetry references. more content + poll for special chapter under the cut. ♡⸝⸝ prompt from @taeraegyat! + a special shoutout to @biniaiahs, who helped me come up with the plot. that's #oomf <3

SEUNGCHEOL'S WRITE-UP.

i think i still see love as something that's built from the ground up. something you work on, something that can be encompassing and grand. even then, i'd be a fool to think it won't inevitably end. all good things do. (much like this club, though that's a sentiment for another essay.) the fact that it will all eventually crumble doesn't make it any less worth pursuing. and so we build our empires, brick by brick, in hopes that we can have everything our heart desires. that same night when i told you about what i want, i think i could have been clearer. i want everything, yes. but more than that, i want you.

WONWOO'S WRITE-UP.

we need people to live. that seems like a simple, cardinal truth— an echo of 'no man's an island'. it's not always easy to accept, though. i think that's how i've spent most of my days. don't get me wrong. being alone ≠ being lonely. i've always been fine with myself, fine by myself. but love is like a cat curled up in a patch of sunlight. oh-so comfortable in taking its time, coming and going whenever it pleases. much like you. you're a bit unfair, because you've made me less lonely. because now, i don't want to be alone when i can be with you.

MINGYU'S WRITE-UP.

i have a page bookmarked on my google chrome. 'funny, random & weird holidays'. i told you once before that i'm always looking to celebrate something, because that's just the point of living! to find small but certain happiness in our day to day! otherwise, life gets tedious and tiring. so can i be blamed for wanting to mark 'international joke day'? (july 1, by the way.) i think it's a bit of a coping mechanism, really. maybe on 'say something nice day' or 'richter scale day', you'll finally look my way. maybe if it weren't just a random thursday, you'd finally feel what i've always felt for you.

VERNON'S WRITE-UP.

this isn't the best version of me yet. i know that for a fact. there's a lot more that i can still be and i'm sure the same stands for you. on my end: i can probably be funnier, cooler. i could be more honest, too. the closest i've come to the truth is when i slipped and i said i needed to see you. not want; need. i like to believe that in a couple of years, i'll be the type of guy who can sweep you off your feet. i don't expect you to wait. it's just a quiet, blind hope— that i may one day be deserving, if i ever dared to ask.

[windvexer]

On magic as being a chore, and why I think that's fine and probably a helpful way to frame it for a lot of people who want to do practical sorcery

On the topic of wards, have you ever had to dig a drainage ditch so water won't accumulate around your house?

Or, put one of those little gates in a doorway so a new puppy can only stay in one area? Or, have you ever put out ant bait?

Hung up a "no solicitors" sign? Built a fence so the chickens can stay over there, and out of the garden? Built a shade cloth over the garden?

Because when you're building a shade cloth over the garden, you're casting a ward against the sun, right. You're binding the puppy and the chickens so they are constrained to certain areas. You're crafting a spirit trap to redirect the water so it won't harm your foundations. Casting a hex most vile upon the ants.

Etc.

But I really do think that in some conversations, wards and protections get framed in a weird Bonnie and Clyde way, where they're assumed to be only for witches living in the Wild West, having witch wars and doing Risky Magic.

I do enjoy the sinister mysticism that can sometimes surround witchcraft. But sorcerous strategy is a big interest of mine, and I think that a very useful way to arrive at useful strategy is to de-mystify the whole operation.

It's just that we've got these weird labels, like hex, bind, banish, ward, protect, conjure; but when you get down to it, you can just be doing the most mundane stuff with your magic.

I can use a shade cloth to ward the garden against the sun. Then, I can string garlic on a red thread to ward against illness.

I can put up a fence to keep the chickens on that side of the back yard, then hang up a magical no solicitors sign because I'm tired of getting knocks at my door.

This is what gets my goat, sometimes, about people saying magic has to feel all wonderful and beautiful and everything. Yes, I love the experience of being productive with a hammer on an early spring morning, but building a fence is tedious. When it comes down to it, it's still just building a fence. Even if I build it with wax and bits of paper instead of wood and nails.

I feel like there is so much magical housekeeping people could be doing, or would greatly benefit from, that people just don't do because it's wrapped up in these sinister-adjacent terms.

I don't think magic is actually hex/bind/banish/ward/protect/conjure. I really do think magic is a lot more like hammer and nails. Needle and thread. Oven and dough. Etc.

Is it a fast cash spell, or are you just going out to search for the eggs your prosperity hens have already laid?

You can have it either way you like; you can frame going out to get physical eggs from mundane hens as a rapid-manifest prosperity spell. Behold, after I cast a spell of going outside for two minutes, I have manifested five eggs, better than any store could provide.

But taking all the mystical stuff and letting it just be mending holes and baking bread and digging drainage ditches I think is helpful.

All in all, I think demystifying the language we couch practical sorcery in can have two helpful results, which are:

It's easier to let yourself do things you want to do, because while it's normal to say "There's no good reason for me to cast protections because there's no reason to think anything will come after me," it's also normal to say, "you know what would be a good investment for this property? A nice privacy fence, it would make entertaining feel more cozy and then we could start fostering puppies."

It's easier to compel yourself to do the things you need to do, because it stops being, "I really want to cast a prosperity spell but I just haven't been in a magical mood," and starts being, "it is my job to water the plants and if I don't they will wither and die. So I'll make myself a nice tea to bolster my resolve and get to it before work."

[wholoveseggs]

Kinktober - {Day Thirty} {<- kinktober masterlist}

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List} {Kinktober}

{Elijah Mikaelson x f!Reader} Request {@queenofvelaris}: Lissa may I please request Elijah x female human reader? I have a lot of auto immune illnesses and constantly beat myself up, telling myself I’m weak. I would love some gentle love, admiration and assurance from dom!Elijah that he thinks the world of me I forgot to specify!! The request is for kinktober and I would like to request bathing and praise kink

♡♡♡ Thank you for the request sweet @queenofvelaris hope you like it ♡♡♡

1.5k words - Kinks: Elijah being super sweet, praise kink and bathtub sex ..

You woke up tired. You felt it in your bones. Your entire body felt heavy and exhausted. Today was going to be a long day. 

The alarm clock went off and you groaned, slamming the snooze button and rolling over. The air was chilly and under the blankets, you were cozy and warm.

You felt your boyfriend shift next to you and his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against him. He buried his face in the back of your neck and left a soft kiss there.

You hummed happily, snuggling into him. He kissed your shoulder, then your neck. His hand sliding over your bare skin.

"Morning," he murmured, his fingers sliding across your ribs.

"Morning." You turned and met his lips.

He kissed you slowly, he was still a bit sleepy. Your tongues lazily stroked against each other, his teeth gently pulling on your bottom lip.

The alarm clock went off again, causing both of you to groan. You turned and shut it off before rolling back over.

"I wish we could just stay here all day." You cuddled back into him, his arms wrapping around you once more.

"We could," he said, kissing you again.

You giggled. "No, we can't."

"Sure we can." His hands slid down to cup your ass and he pulled you even closer.

You grinned. "Elijah, we have things to do today."

He pouted. "Do we?"

"Yes," you laughed, pushing at his chest.

He let you roll out of his embrace and watched you get out of bed. You stretched, arching your back. He admired the view for a moment.

You looked at him, grinning. "What?"

"You're so beautiful," he murmured.

Your cheeks warmed. "Stop."

He raised an eyebrow. "It's true."

"Well... so are you," you countered, turning away as you felt the blush spread down your neck.

He chuckled, getting out of bed and following you to the bathroom. You jumped when you felt him slide his hands around your waist, pulling your back to his chest. You leaned against him, meeting his gaze in the mirror.

He kissed the side of your head, resting his chin on your shoulder. You smiled, reaching behind you and tangling your fingers in his hair. His smell surrounded you, comforting and warm.

"How are you feeling this morning, sweetheart?" he asked.

You hesitated and he pulled back, raising an eyebrow.

You bit your lip. "I'm fine."

He frowned. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

He tilted his head, watching you.

You sighed. "I'm tired. A little worn down. But I'll be fine."

He watched you for another moment, and then nodded.

"Alright, love," he said, kissing your forehead.

You were grateful he didn't press the issue. He knew how much you hated it when people made a fuss about your health. But he always asked anyway, knowing you'd tell him if you needed him.

"How about you rest for a little longer and I'll start a bath for us?" he offered.

"Okay."

He smiled, kissing your cheek before he let you go. You watched him walk to the tub and start filling it. Then you returned to the bedroom and climbed back into bed.

The sound of running water was soothing, and you relaxed into the pillows. Your eyes drifted closed and your breathing evened out.

You were on the verge of falling asleep again when you heard the water stop. The smell of lavender and eucalyptus filled the room. You hummed, feeling him sit on the edge of the bed.

"Darling," he whispered.

"Mm?"

"Let's get you into the bath."

You groaned, opening your eyes. He was smiling down at you.

"Come on." He held his hand out.

You sighed, but let him pull you up and lead you to the bathroom. You shivered slightly as he slid his fingers across your hips, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of your panties. He tugged them down and you stepped out of them.

"Such a gentleman," you teased.

He chuckled. "Only for you."

He helped you into the bathtub. You sighed as the hot water engulfed you, the heat and scents working together to relax you. You leaned back, closing your eyes.

"You should join me," you said, smirking.

"If you insist."

You heard the rustling of clothes and watched him undress. Then he was stepping into the tub behind you, pulling you against him. You leaned back against his chest, humming in pleasure.

His bathtub was wondrous, it was nearly a jacuzzi. Deep, with jets all along the sides, and plenty of room for two. He had told you once that he had it installed because he liked to spend hours alone in the tub. It was where he did his best thinking. The thought of him sitting there, naked, surrounded by bubbles, pondering life, made you smile.

You turned and buried your face in his neck. He ran his fingers through your hair, his other hand tracing circles on your hip, moving lower to rub small circles on your thigh.

His fingers dipped between your legs, teasing. You inhaled sharply, parting your thighs for him. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"You are so perfect," he whispered.

"Elijah..."

"You are," he insisted.

His fingers found your clit and began rubbing gentle circles.

You moaned softly, tilting your head back. He kissed along your neck, his breath hot on your skin. The water was gently lapping at your skin, adding another layer of sensation.

He increased the pressure of his fingers, rubbing faster. Your breath hitched, pleasure coiling tight inside of you.

"That's it," he murmured. "You're doing so well."

His voice, deep and sensual, was intoxicating. You couldn't get enough. You could feel yourself getting close, your heart racing, your blood rushing in your ears.

You gasped, arching your back as the first wave hit you. He held you close as you cried out, his fingers working you through the orgasm, drawing it out as long as he could.

When the last shudder passed, you sagged against him, panting. He brushed your hair back, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

"Good girl," he murmured.

You moaned, your body already craving more. You shifted, feeling his hard length pressed against your lower back. He chuckled, his hands gripping your hips.

"Eager, are we?" he teased.

"That's your fault," you panted.

"My fault?"

"You and your stupid sexy voice," you grumbled.

He laughed. "I'm sorry."

You turned and pressed your lips to his, sighing as his tongue met yours. His hands gripped your hips, turning you around and guiding you on to his lap.

He broke the kiss, his gaze darkening as you slowly sank onto him. You both groaned, his cock filling you perfectly. You rocked against him, the water moving around you.

You began to move, his hands helping you keep the pace slow. Your breasts were pressed against his chest, his face inches from yours. He watched you intently, his lips parted slightly, his breath coming in soft gasps.

"I love you," he whispered, his eyes roaming over your face.

"Elijah..."

"Let go, my love. Let me see you."

You shuddered, your eyes fluttering closed as his words washed over you. You surrendered to him, letting him take control. He held you tight, his hands guiding your movements, his hips thrusting up to meet yours.

Your head fell back, his name a breathless moan on your lips.

"Yes, that's it. You're doing so well," he praised.

You could feel your orgasm building, a coil of pleasure tightening inside you. Your hands gripped his shoulders, the water splashing around you.

"Come for me, darling," he urged.

You gasped, your back arching as you came undone, waves of pleasure crashing over you. He groaned, his hips stuttering, his fingers digging into your skin. You clung to him, riding out the pleasure.

He buried his face in your neck, his breath hot on your skin. You tangled your fingers in his hair, holding him close. The water had cooled considerably, but neither of you wanted to move just yet.

You finally pulled back, meeting his gaze. He smiled, then suddenly lifted you up, the water sloshing everywhere.

You laughed, burying your face in his neck as he carefully stepped out of the tub and set you down onto the soft rug. You stood there shivering for a moment, but he grabbed a fluffy towel and wrapped it around you, pulling you against him.

You sighed, the warmth of his body seeping into your skin. You leaned into him, breathing him in.

"Better?" he asked.

You nodded.

"Good." He kissed your temple.

Once you were dry, he wrapped a towel around his waist and picked you up, carrying you to the bed. You giggled, feeling a bit like a princess. He laid you down, then joined you, pulling the covers up over the both of you.

You rolled over and nestled against him, the soft blanket enveloping you. He ran his fingers through your hair, his other hand tracing circles on your hip.

"You're too good to me," you murmured.

"Not possible."

You chuckled.

"Do you wish to stay here all day, after all?" he asked, smirking.

"Maybe," you said, yawning. "Just a little longer,"

"Of course."

He pressed another kiss to your forehead, and you drifted off, dreaming of baths and bubbles and his soft, gentle voice telling you how much he loved you.

{<- kinktober masterlist}

[wosowffc]

Relatives

Part 1

Tw- slight mention of Ed, passing out, and sh

Today you started with Arsenal embarking on your new adventure, they had been keen to sign you for quite some time from Washington spirit after they had monitored me for a bit. My score sheets are quite good as well, I got top scores the last 4 seasons here, this season being a total of 48 which was just 3 off my record 2 years back. I had agreed to come here at the summer transfer window not playing for a national team as of yet through choice.

I've got some connections with people there already like Beth, Alessia, Kyra and Katie and a few more from over the years and time spent in Ibiza partying from dusk to dawn. I hadn't told anyone I signed as I also know Leah. Leah is my sister, and let's say I'm really worried about her reaction I'm 17 now and the last time I saw Leah was 3 or 4 years ago. It wasn't a pleasant night, one I wouldn't mind being wiped from memory.

The storm outside was picking up a bit more the uk had been under an amber yellow alert after storm emma had hit so we had cooped together in the living room Leah, mum and my brother putting the heat of the fire to use while the electric was out. I hadn't had a good few months and the days leading up to that day were very hard. I was struggling and I didn't know how to ask for help , it didn't end well as that night upstairs I had burned my arm....on purpose.

We're sat on the sofa Leah holding my close to her chest as I feel a bit dizzy, mabey it was just the heat or mabey it was the weather or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't eaten a lot, not having the energy or caring about food. Leah was stroking my hair back as sunk into her more.

"L-"

That's all I could get out in a tired voice. Her voice was faded she had asked me soemthing but I didn't quite hear it before she had me on the floor in the living room, took my jumper off and tried to get me to wake. It was at that point mum had seen my arms. My graffitied arms.

I came around in leahs arms mum is crying, my brother is looking shocked and Leah is whispering in my ear saying things like "I've got you munch" and "I'll help your through this, I promise" then I knew immediately they had seen quickly standing up- which wasn't a good idea after just passing out- I headed to the door as they tried to get me to sit down.

That was the last I saw of Leah,my mum and Jacob I could face them, I couldn't let them feel disappointed.

Today I was into the grounds I had already got kit sent to my new apartment so I was fully ready. I drove myself in, stopping for a drink on the way. Pulling up outside it was quiet I knew the girl are in a meeting where they would be told I have been signed so I head on to where the messaged instructions had told me to go ending up in the physio who would do some tests as all clubs do.

"Hey Izzy nice to meet you I'm Ashley and that's Amanda , there's also a few more but you meet them soon. It's great to have you here!" Ashley said in her normal happy demeanour. She seems nice to be fair.

"Yeah good to be here as well about time eh? after all the waiting, so what we'd doing today" I reply looking around the room they have a good setup in here with multiple bed and massage items along with things I'm not sure they are but I'm sure the physios do- hopefully.

We continued to do test and gym work making sure I'm in shape and have no injuries, which all was fine. I'm told I'm free to go meet everyone now but I first go to Renee's office to say hello.

"There's the newest gunner, come in,come in" Renee utters you in and point to take a seat with her as a coffee table in the office.

"So what do you think of the place, and how are you feeling about it all." She smiled offering some tea.

"Yeah i mean it's a nice place good facility" I answer looking down, the thought of meeting the girls. No. Meetign Leah again it's turning your stomach in all the wrong ways.

"Something you want to talk about?, always here yk" renee smiles at you wanting to give you a safe space to feel like you can talk to her.

"Yeah yeah, just thinking about meeting the girls soon and what they will think." I look back up to her she takes a sip of her tea as I copy with my own.

"I'm sure they will love you, now it might be a bit ...daunting I guess as you will be the youngest by a few years but I promise their all lovely" she smiles warmly

"Thanks I'll head out now see who's in the lounge, thanks Renee bye" I walk out of the room taking a deep breath hear we go.....

[w2soneshots]

could you write about being at school with harry as your mate/ friend thta you fancy? need something get me tgrough this shithole of a school🙏

Highschool sweethearts -W2S

words: 0.7k+

warnings: light angst, pining, making out.

summary: you and Harry both fell for each other, though nether of you wanted to admit it. One night, at a party on the beach, things change.

notes: I’ve never done a young Harry fic but I had so much fun writing this! Hope you’re okay lovely, you’ve got this!!🤗💞🌟

I watched as Harry walked towards me, a cheesy grin plastered on his face. "Hey, y/n?!" I tilted my head to the side. "Yeah?" I wondered what he wanted, I'd been avoiding him recently since I caught feelings and don't want to ruin our friendship.

"You going to the party tonight, at the beach?" He asked, leaning against the locker next to mine. "Uh- I dunno..." "oh come on! It'll be fun... please?" He stared at me, awaiting an answer. I thought for a second before nodding. "Okay, okay, I'll go." He swiftly pushed himself off of the locker. "Yes! Great! see you later."

My mind was whirling as I got ready, all of the possible outcomes of tonight running through my head. It's currently summer in Guernsey so it's pretty warm outside, though it'll get cooler once it gets dark, so I grabbed a jacket before I left.

As I walked to the beach I tried to calm myself down. I wasn't sure why I was getting so worked up over the boy I've been friends with since primary school but it was definitely becoming a problem. I couldn't be near him without going bright red if his arm grazed mine or he smiled at me. It was extremely annoying.

When I got there I spotted my friends. I walked over to them and sat down on one of the beach towels laid out. One of my friends nudged my arm. "Guess who's coming over?" She whispered into my ear with a teasing tone. I sighed. "For fuck sake... Harry," I muttered to myself.

"Hey! You made it." Harry plonked himself next to me, with a cheerful smile. "Mhm," I replied, dryly. "You okay?" He asked, brows furrowed. "Yes, I'm fine." I smiled, trying to reassure him. He didn't look convinced but thankfully he dropped it.

As it started to become dark some of the boys set up a fire that we all sat around. Harry left me alone after our previous encounter but I caught him staring multiple times. Some of my friends were now extremely drunk, I had decided at the start of the night that I wasn't going to drink and it seemed like Harry had done the same.

As it approached two in the morning people began heading home. I was dreading the dark walk back to my house. "y/n?" I heard my name so I turned. It was Harry once again. When he had my full attention he continued, "did you want me to give you a ride home?"

I thought for a moment. "Uh- yes please," I put on a smile. He smiled back, though his was genuine. "Come on then, let's go." He turned and we walked side by side to his car. I got into the passenger seat, buckled myself in and then he turned the engine on.

The drive was silent, the only noise being the wind coming in through the open window. I sighed softly, leaning my head against the side of the car and wrapping my jumper around myself. "You alright?" He asked. "Mhm, just tired."

When he pulled up in front of my house I turned to him. "What's going on with you?" He asked abruptly. I was slightly taken aback. "Uhm... what do you mean?" "You know what I mean. You've been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?" He seemed to be annoyed.

I sighed, realising I was going to have to stop putting off telling him the reason. "Okay, okay," I took a deep breath, "I- I think I... fancy you Harry." I said quietly, not looking into his eyes. "You- wait, you fancy me?" An embarrassed grumble left my mouth as I leaned forward to put my head in my hands.

The car was completely silent for a good fifteen seconds, though it felt like an eternity. "This is so stupid." I swiftly looked over at him. "What?" "You fancy me, I fancy you and nether of us told the other." He explained. Surprise covered my face. "You fancy me?" "Of course I do you donut." He laughed slightly.

I smiled back before leaning towards him, our faces only centimetres apart. He leaned forward, closing the gap between our lips.

When I eventually pulled away I opened my eyes to see him chasing my lips. "I've got to go, I'll see you at school?" His face softened. "Yeah,  yeah, okay bye." I kissed him one last time before getting out. He waved, waiting until I got into my house safe then drove home with a bright and content smile on his face.

[nica-my-beloved]

Tropes In Ikemen Series Games That I Dislike

These are my opinion so no hate!

MC BEING SHY AND BLUSHING AT THE SLIGHTEST TEASING

Some times I find it cute, but other times I wish she would just tease the male leads back.

A lighthearted flirtatious teasing would be funny to watch.

TOO MUCH SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

I understand, it spices up the story but when the most random interaction suddenly turn into a hot making out session just turns me off.

Some times in some scenes, when the moment is right, the whole steamy scene does feel nice. But not all cases.

SUBMISSIVE MCs

I mean, it's fine. I just wish the MCs were more diverse. The Ikemen MCs are way too submissive for my good. They don't even TRY to resist the advances of male lead.

They are so much in love with the guy they met for 2 weeks that they are ready to let them sleep with her, which is awkward as hell.

VERY PURE HEARTED MCs

I don't mind again, but they are not relatable at all. And I've already mentioned in one of my posts that MCs are not meant to be relatable. They are just tools that the writers use for spoon-feeding the stories to the players (because they think we're too dumb to understand the character's personality or intentions). But that doesn't mean I don't want variety.

There are so many different personalities, yet why are the MCs always so kind, so hardworking, so pure, so timid. Some times I dream about an MC who is lazy, foodie, loves shopping, doesn't like studying, doesn't care about what people say about her, doesn't like talking to people, doesn't even try to get along with people who treats her like shit, likes anime and has wallpapers of shirtless Sylus on her laptop, never follows rules......am I describing myself? Yep!

MCs don't have to hold a gun or kill someone or be the Queen of the Underworld. She can still be cool wearing pajamas and sunglasses, dancing on top of her bed at Shinee's Ring Ding Dong (I still love that song!)

THE USUAL CLICHES

Including random people coming inside the room (without knocking ofc), sees MC and a male lead in bed (fully clothed, or not doesn't matter) and still thinking that they slept together. Also MC wasting time and energy to clear up their 'misunderstanding'.

MC's promising that she will never fall in love but breaks her promise. She had one job!

MCs......*holding back puke* teaching male leads turru love *cringe 101*

Similar personality male leads. For example: Kurama, Silvio, Jude. Arthur, Sueharu, Nokto, Nica. I need more variety.

One month time period bullshit! It doesn't matter when at the end MCs are leaving their world to join the male lead (who they know only for a month). Maybe give like a 6 months or an year. Then I'll believe you.

I don't like the killing trope, where the male leads openly saying 'I'll kill you someday'. It triggers me and I don't really find it romantic in any sense.

Always MCs falling in love first and not the male lead. I understand that we play from the MC's perspective, but I really want to know how it feels when the male lead fall in love with MC first. It could be interesting.

Male leads leaving/breaking-up with MCs for her own happiness is also bullshit. I'm tired of seeing this over and over again and it annoys me. The male leads would always be like 'MC, you're not suppose to be in this world. You deserve happiness blah blah blah...' I don't like this because at the end, they eventually change their minds and decides to accept her. If they wanted her then why let go of her? So annoying. I just want a male lead, who is like 'I don't care if my world is shitty, I love MC and I want to be with her! I'll always make her happy and protect her!'

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 7: Demons

Charlie: (nestled into bed and surrounded by a maternity pillow to help prop up her heavy set baby belly) Are you sure you're alright with me going to bed early? I can stay up a little longer and help with the new residents' paperwork.

Vaggie: (cups Charlie's cheek and brushes her thumb over the bright red circle, slipping her finger into the well hidden dimple camouflaged underneath) I'm sure, hun. I can handle it just fine. I'll be in bed in about two- (checks the bedside clock) -two and a half hours.

Charlie: (pouts) But-

Vaggie: (presses a finger to Charlie's lips) No, no hables más, mi amor. You've been sleeping horribly for weeks. If you're tired, you should sleep. I can take over so you can rest. ¿Comprende?

Charlie: (huffs childishly but eyes slowly soften as she kisses Vaggie's finger) Yes, Ma'am. I understand. (snuggles under the covers and strokes her belly) I love you, Vaggie.

Vaggie: I love you too, querida. (kisses Charlie's forehead) Good night. (slowly exits the room and shuts the door with a soft click)

Vaggie: (sighs heavily and shuffles down the hall with an uneasy stride and hunch in her shoulders) Mierda... What am I going to do?

Vaggie: (enters the office and sits behind the desk, slowly opening a side drawer to reveal a hidden flask and pulling it out to take a pull of the liquor inside) Fuck.... Now, I'm drinking by myself because of this... Shit....

-Silence-

Vaggie: (bites her lip and pulls out her phone) I cannot believe I'm doing this. (dials the number and sets the phone to speaker)

-Brrrrrrrrd! ....Brrrrrrrd! ....Brrrrrrrrd!-

Carmilla: Carmine Industries. State your business.

Vaggie: (nervous) Uh, hello, Ms. Carmine. This is Vaggie Morningstar.

Carmilla: I'm well aware who you are, Vaggie. That's the point of caller ID. What do you want?

Vaggie: (under her breath) Gee, aren't you just as perky as ever. (clears her throat) I'm... in need of some... ugh...shit.... advice.

Carmilla: .............I'm listening.

Vaggie: You have two daughters.

Carmilla: How astute of you.

Vaggie: Smartass comments aside! (gets quiet and nervous) How... do you do it?

Carmilla: ..........I must say. Normally, I'd pride myself on being able to understand most nonsensical babbling, but I'm not quite following yours. Elaborate.

Vaggie: (sighs and sinks into the chair) How do you do it? Hold your kids when you have blood on your hands? (stares at her palms and flinches as flashes of deep crimson blood stain her fingers before returning to normal)

Carmilla: I see. This is about your prior Exorcist work and the baby on the way, isn't it?

Vaggie: (nods sullenly before remembering that she's on a voice call) Fuck! Yes! This is about that! How can I hold a perfect little being after everything I've done?! After all the people I've killed here in Hell? (flood gates open as her emotions run wild and tears sting her eyes) I know Charlie has forgiven me, but what if I hurt them? What if... I'm not good enough?

Carmilla: .............

Vaggie: (slowly calms down and wipes the tears from her eyes)

Carmilla: (softly) Because when that child is born, the hands that you once used to kill will be used to protect something even more precious than you could ever imagine.

Vaggie: (blinks) Carmine?

Carmilla: That innocent, perfect little baby will rely on you for everything the moment they're born. Your wife will rely on you to help her shoulder the burden. Do you honestly think that child will care about the people you killed when they only know the love you've given it? The care you've provided to it and it's mother?

Vaggie: But.... what if I-

Carmilla: Taint it? (huffs a laugh) With what? Slightly sullied hands that may or may not be covered in spit up? A child isn't tainted by the past sins of a parent, stupid girl.

Vaggie: (glances at her hands and watches as the blood washes away to a gross, white milky substance and cringes at the thought of spit up) Not sure how much I want that either....

Carmilla: Just remember to burp the child thoroughly between changing breasts if the princess is breastfeeding, and especially after. It should help with any projectile vomiting.

Vaggie: (smiles softly and relaxes) Do... you have anymore words of maternal wisdom for me? I... uh... feel pretty useless right now.

Carmilla: Hmmph. (sits down at her desk and leans back in amusement) Grab a notebook, and I'll give you a few tricks of the trade.

[kazumist]

EPISODE 23 ✦ PLEASE DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME

LOVE, MAYBE — A CHILDE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 838.

with an ice cream already consumed, ajax is walking you home now. it was a silent walk; only the sounds of the leaves slightly rustling around you as well as both of your footsteps can be heard in the area. 

you liked childe—it took you long enough to realize that. but it’s still a lot for you to process. you think it’s mutual, but how can you be so sure? maybe childe is just like that to the people he cares about, right? but god, it surely makes your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of someone else also receiving this treatment from him.

is this an effect of an eldest daughter who’s also a hopeless romantic? perhaps. romantic love was an unfamiliar concept to you, after all. no matter how much you read or consume media that consists of the theme of romance, it will never be enough to give you the understanding that you wish to grasp with the concept. before you knew it, you had already let your words slip.

"why are you doing this?"

"why shouldn't i be doing this?" he asks back, slightly tilting his head to the side.

"i don't get it, childe. why are you doing this?"

childe pauses for a moment, realizing that you are actually serious with your question. he doesn't reply immediately, finding the right words to say first.

"it's because... i love you," he says, only realizing it now as well. he had always liked you, of course, but ajax had only realized that he loved you. he had loved you for a while now.

"what?" you asked him in disbelief.

"i love you, (name)."

"but... why?"

"is a reason necessary?"

your breath hitched at his words. "i—of course it's necessary! i don't get it. i'm a difficult person. i refuse to communicate. i push people away even though deep inside i know i need help because, even as a child, i never got any sort of assistance to begin with. i pressure myself to the point it's way too overwhelming. i fear that one day i'll end up being useless in my own life. i can hardly even understand myself so what more if others would try? i... i find that i'm undeserving of love because there are others who need it more than me."

"so please, ajax. there's no use in loving me. you'll just get tired in the end. there's someone out there who's more deserving of the love you have to give."

please don't say you love me, because i might not say it back.

"no."

"what? didn't you hear what i just said? i'm difficult to love, ajax—"

"i heard it, but that doesn't change the fact that i still love you nonetheless," he replies, taking a step closer.

"(name), i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be, and i'll continue to love you even when you push me away. i will always find my way home to you. i'll be there to pull you back up before you sink any further under the pressure you give yourself. you'll never be useless—i'll make sure that you never feel that way. i will understand you no matter whatever it is that needs to be understood with you."

"you are not undeserving of love, because if there's one person in the world that i'd choose to pour my love on, it would be you," he finishes.

“i… no.”

“what?”

“no—i.. i can’t. i’m sorry, tartaglia.” the use of his last name stung for him a bit. “it’s fine if you can’t right now; i’m willing to wai—” you cut him off before he could finish the word. “don’t!” he flinches at the sudden raise of your voice and is taken aback. “why?”

“please… just don’t. there’s others who are better and more deserving of you than me. why me? you’ll just be wasting your time if you wait for me. i probably wouldn’t be able to give you a proper answer. i.. how are you so sure that you love me?”

“that’s fine with me, (name). it’s okay for me to go through all of that because i know i would be doing it for you.” 

stop it. please.

“my answer is still no.”

i’d rather not risk it. i don’t want to take someone for granted, especially if that someone is you.

“but—”

this is for the better.

“go away, ajax.”

he could feel the weakness in your voice when you said those three words. he tried to get closer by taking a step further, but you took a step back. that was when ajax realized that you were sure of your words. “let me still walk you home, just for tonight—this will be the last one,” he says. as you were about to decline, he spoke again first. “i don’t want you to walk home alone when it’s dark.”

even if this might be the last time i’ll get to do this.

extra notes.

wow double update ?!?! watch me ghost this app again for 2 months ... kidding !

had this episode sitting my drafts for MONTHS. im pretty sure this episode has been written ever since i was still uploading ep 5 maybe? somewhere during the making of the early episodes LAWLZ

smau playlist linked here !! pls give it a listen it gives u the extra feels 😋 this episode is highly inspired by please don't say you love me by gabrielle aplin <3

taglist (open): @xianyoon @mitsvriii @kizakiss @kissingkzuha @aethion @phtogravi @ell1e2010 @esthelily @b4tm4nn @hcmay @ivvieene @morganadorodo @kaitfae @kentply @scaranthropy @kyon-cherri @kookiibun @kochothehoe @mekiiiii @ibyobi @iuspired @tetsuskei @kunikuzushis-darling @morgyyyyyyy @chluuvr @scaradooche @kissmiere @a1-ic3 @bubblegum-angelquartz @tiredjxnna @levlucs-kiru @angeilix @cerisescherries @saeskiss @a-talkative-corn @briluvspnk @kamisatoyato @bbysatoruuu @viviixoxosblog @bambisz @chemiru @eternal-dokja @bflyprincess @jamieexistss @monocerosei @enjisthings @jangyung @hahalame @cupid-spams @snzhrchy @ukinya @luciledreamz @bisatanica @bananasquash @almond-t0fu @thegalaxyisunfolding @jaguarthecat [1/2]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ignoring my friend's trigger of toxic positivity to calm down another friend? TW for mentions of sui baiting.

I have two friends, one I'll call C and one I'll call N. C has repeatedly told me that some of my behaviors are triggering to them when it comes to toxic positivity - when I try to uplift every bad situation or mediate any time people are angry it makes them anxious and on-edge. Due to some of their past life stuff I understand why, and this is in NO WAY trying to shame their triggers.

N plays a lot of video games that tend to make him angry (League, Overwatch, Fortnite mostly, but some others) and when he gets angry it triggers me (lots of yelling and swearing) and even going as far to tell the other team to kill themselves. While he doesn't type that or say it in team vc, he does say it in Discord calls he's in with me and other friends.

I tried telling N to not say those things, one because it's just shitty to do in general, and two, because it can be a really triggering thing for some people including myself. C jumped on me saying that I'm being too toxically positive and I need to let N vent his frustrations about games, and as long as he isn't saying slurs or anything that he should say what he wants. He also told me to manage my own triggers, if N shouting these things bothers me I should leave call.

One day I still did it because I was tired of being triggered and N is younger so I don't want him thinking that's fine to just say to people, because I know eventually he'll say that around the wrong people and it'll REALLY not go well. C was in call and blew up at me for it (though since C was triggered and having a trauma response I understand not being calm about it) and calling me controlling, that not everyone has to act the way I want, etc. Nobody else was in call but they've heard and seen C call me out for trying to calm down or lift up spirits of others before.

I thought C was in the wrong for telling me I'm being overly positive and controlling for telling N to stop telling people to kill themselves in games, but the more I think about it, the more worried I am that I am the asshole for ignoring the fact C was in call and it could trigger them, and that I was prioritizing my triggers over theirs, and it's starting to build up an emotional barrier between me and C because I get worried I'll slip up and do something to upset them again.

AITA for this?