#I'm so fucking tired of being isolated
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
alren-ki · 6 months ago
Text
.
#awled ren vents#I don't want to blame anyone for this#god knows I have enough trouble talking about feeling bad in the first place#but I'm feeling isolated again#I don't- like- being the one to step up and organize things#especially when people won't work with me#I wanted to play phasmophobia around my birthday with my phasmo group#I asked when people were free and when they wanted to do it and got barely anything in return#and it just felt Bad#I haven't gone out aside from grocery shopping or going to see my mom in forever#and it's making a backslide in my progress#Sometimes I almost think I'll never actually get better#I'm practically housebound#I don't know anyone close enough aside from my dad to help#I don't HAVE Irl friends#every attempt to reach out to people I used to know falls through and it hurts#I'm so fucking tired of being isolated#I'm so fucking tired of bending over backwards for other people and being expected to front flip three times on top of it.#it just makes me feel shitty#and it takes everything I have not to just dump a whole paragraph of 'things that have made me feel bad' and leave#but the idea of hurting them makes me feel shittier#so I'm just- stewing#rotting#thinking maybe it would have been better if I'd never gotten out of that fucking house#maybe it would be better for everyone if I had just never gotten into that thing#and all other sorts of things spiraling the drain#At least I wouldn't be relegated to planning anymore#half of this doesn't make sense. I don't care anymore I don't think
3 notes · View notes
vergess · 21 days ago
Text
Me: Don't call other Jews "Nazis" please, this is a very basic ask.
Everyone on jumblr: Shut the fuck up you fucking Nazi! Enjoy being blocked.
12 notes · View notes
2pen2wildfire · 5 months ago
Text
Honestly? Be kinder to gross people. Be kind to people who pick their nose or their scabs and pimples, who fart a lot or have difficulty with hygiene, who cough loud and obnoxiously. Nose-picking is an incredibly difficult habit to break, same with skin-picking. People with gastrointestinal issues don't deserve your bullying just because you don't like the smell. People who have trouble showering don't deserve it either. People who are sick or have some sort of throat or sinus condition don't deserve to be mocked for the sounds they make. Your discomfort with someone else being gross is not their problem and it won't kill you to shut your mouth about it. Obviously people who are contagious should mask up and people picking their noses should wash their hands before touching stuff, that's not the point. The point is I'm sick of seeing "grossness" be constantly tied to morality. Humans are gross sometimes, get over it.
11 notes · View notes
ghostofasecretary · 11 months ago
Text
it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!
14 notes · View notes
Text
If you've never heard an LRAD go off in person, I *genuinely* do not want to hear your opinion about methods of resistance in the US.
12 notes · View notes
aromanticannibal · 5 months ago
Text
ppl really b acting as if there's only one specific ship that has weird shippers that will complain about ppl not shipping their otp. it's literally always the case you either get fucked over for liking a gay ship or for liking a straight ship or for liking a toxic ship or people just start going "oh there's nothing wrong with the ship but the shippers💀" and you don't fucking know what they're talking about. like can we all just chill. the weird shippers r everywhere it's called some ppl are assholes sometimes. it's not fandom specific
#it's like with the “x ship sent death threats to the author!”#first of all : proof?#second of all: I've heard this for multiple diff ships that is not new that is not exclusive to one fandom or one ship.#sometimes ppl in fandom r too invested and do stupid shit#god#I'm sorry I doomscrolled another Instagram reel comment section#it's just. I'm so tired of ppl talking about mha's fandom as if it's the worst thing of all time?#first of all no its not? fucking chill?#second of all. if the fandom is ruining the show for you then genuienly get off the internet#third. so sorry but half of the time when ppl say the mha fandom is awful they're either calling it cringe (fandom is always cringe get over#it it's ok) they're complaining about everything being gay (so you're a homophobe ok. literally what is wrong with making character queer#ON OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS OF THE STORY. DUDE.#)#or theyre just.... picking up random shit thats been rumored to have happened or that's just an isolated thing that happens all the time in#every fandom (refer to my earlier points)#genuienly. if the fandom pisses you off that much. get off the internet . block the tags. like for your health.#it's so annoying to try and look at mha stuff or even TALK IRL#WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE MHA#(i am not fucking with you this has happened)#and being told or reading that oh mha is fun but the fandom sucks :///#sorry you don't experience whimsy and are incapable of curating your own experience?#Jesus#(there's also the ppl who r like ugh mha is mid mha sucks in like comments of mha fan but like fuck these guys#you're entitled to your opinion I if you don't like mha that's fine I'm not going to throw eggs at you but like...#why do u feel the need 2 go into a comment section of stuff that is about mha to say that mha sucks actually and the author is bad and the#characters r badly written and blah blah blah. LEAVE ME ALONEEEE)#Anyway maybe one day I will finally leave Instagram but for now I can't bc fukcing. ppl r on there#mumblings//#rant
4 notes · View notes
apocalypticdemon · 3 months ago
Text
hhhhhhhhhh being annoyed with someone and knowing you're in the wrong about it is the fucking worst
3 notes · View notes
barkingangelbaby · 10 months ago
Text
I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
4 notes · View notes
inniave · 7 months ago
Text
every once in awhile i have a flashback so bad it triggers a seizure & nobody really knows why
#i am so fucking tired#and so fucking done#i would rather die than go in tomorrow but that's not an option anymore so fuck#the flashbacks have been constant for as long as i can remember but it's been awhile since they've been at this intensity for this long#i used to think i didn't have ptsd because i didn't have flashbacks until i learned that always feeling like it's happening again is indeed#a flashback#it's just not so isolated for me#so i'm like??? i should be able to deal with this. i'm used to it. pretty much every second of every day my body feels like i'm being#raped and tortured and beat and literally getting drilled in the bone i should be used to this#but it's so much it's so heavy there's no way out i cant do it#but i have to there's no other option except not get surgery which is not really an option :/#cause the pain from the bone is right where their cocks were 🙃 so that's been it's own special form of hell#and now i have to let someone cut me open there 🙃 and i cant be under general anesthesia 🙃#oh yeah and ITS EXAFTLY FUCKING LIKE THAT DOCTOR THAT ASSAULTED ME WHEN I WAS A FUCKING TODDLER COMING OUT OF SURGERY#fuck dude#sometimes i think maybe if it only happened once i'd be okay#ive lost track but i think we're up in triple digits at this point :/#not including the constant stuff in childhood#fuck no wonder i kept trying to kill myself jesus fucking christ#i'm so fucking scared#i'm so ready for all this to be over#it's been years of pain and this whole last month where it's become much more acute and all this visits and i cant take any more#we are at Capacity#we're splitting like hell already#fucking entire new subsystems fuck#fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 notes · View notes
stochastiz · 3 months ago
Text
tfw it seems like your job genuinely couldn't care less about your wellbeing :)
#the first time i got covid was at my last job and after that i developed the immune suppression and chronic ear infections that have been#ruining me for the past 2 years#then yesterday we found out that the kid i sent home sick friday (who i spent most of the day 1-on-1 with bc they were miserable) tested#positive friday night. but they didn't have an official diagnosis so work refused to tell families there had been a close contact. then this#morning we hear that another of my kids and their parent both tested positive. but those were 'only' home tests so we weren't allowed to#tell families there had been yet another close contact. all of my kids today were boogery and coughing but they don't require test-to-stay#or any isolation for close contacts with 'mild' symptoms. so i have gotten to spend 3 days now with at least 2 positive infants. i'm still#not even fully over the mild cold and subsequent infection i got 2 weeks ago. i tested negative again last night but there's just no way i#actually won't get it even if my home tests say i'm negative.#this is the first week back to school for older siblings. and they didn't warn anyone about a close contact over the long weekend when#i'm sure a bunch of families had gatherings. i'm just so fucking pissed. why tf do you think we're still seeing this shit????#our policies at work are treating covid 'like any other mild illness' so not only are all of my classroom INFANTS all being exposed but also#me and my co-teacher!!! and they don't care at all!!!!!!! there is a solid chance that when i get it it'll be v e r y bad for me#but who gives a shit? i'm just another disabled pos who shouldn't be working if i can't risk getting sick. bc that's how life works right?#i don't have words to explain the level of rage i feel over all of this. i'm so fucking tired of it.#pretty sure i use a different tag every time but#covid#chronically ill#stochastic ramblings
1 note · View note
the-yearning-astronaut · 8 months ago
Text
Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.
2 notes · View notes
swamp-world · 2 years ago
Text
like i think that we really really really need to actually gain the social literacy and compassion to understand that. not tipping your server isn’t praxis, but the fact that it’s expected that the customer pay the wage of the server also doesn’t mean that the customer (often also stiffed and a victim of wage theft) isn’t obligated to do so, and that while this is within our own economic system a great injustice and act of violence that needs to be rectified, it is in fact not the greatest injustice in the world and seeing people comparing getting screamed at for war crimes to not being tipped demonstrates a drastic lack of any sense of proportion. this is me speaking as both a service worker and someone engaged in organizing. let me be absolutely clear that I am not saying that not tipping your server is praxis. if you are able to tip i think that you should. i also think that “it’s the social contract in america to tip your server” needs to be read as “the structure has been built so that resisting it is tantamount to being a class traitor, and there are no winners in this situation”. i make less than 1k a month. tipping at 15% is straight up not viable all of the time if i want to pay rent. that’s not praxis, that’s me trying to keep a roof over my head, same as the service worker who i can’t always tip. so much analysis of this matter on social media tends to boil down to brute utilitarianism that causes further fragementation among the working class, and not for unjust reasons.
but just as not tipping my server isn’t praxis, tipping my server also isn’t praxis. not because it doesn’t help the individual (it does) but because it functionally validates the extant system in which the customer directly pays the wages. especially in the digital age: whereas cash tips are often considered nontaxable income, digital tips are administered as directly taxable income by the employer. when tips are paid out as wages i think it’s a little unfair to consider them to be “gratuities”.
again: not tipping isn’t praxis, but i wonder often about how many people who parrot this point are engaged in labour organizing or support in any way other than tipping. everyone deserves to be paid for their labour. but likewise, putting the onus on the working class customer to do so doesn’t actually help anyone except for the employer.
if you’re getting pissed at other working-class people for not tipping high numbers, especially impoverished and/or marginalized people, i hope that you are also engaged in literally any form at all, no matter how intense or dedicated, to any kind of action or organization that supports increasing minimum wage and shifting this responsibility from the customer to the employer (i.e. working class to owning class).
#vent of sorts#i keep seeing that post about ''not tipping your server isn't praxis'' with the addition of#''i was a server who got yelled at by a european for being american at an american tourist memorial for 9/11 because of the iraq war''#and again i say this in a sense that isn't meant to diminish the legitimate trauma of service work#trauma in a very genuine sense#(brief reminder that this is what the term ''emotional labour'' was coined to describe is being expected to regulate and perform emotions#for your job but only being paid minimum wage because the only ''labour'' you're doing is physical/mental and keeping a smile while being#berated isn't ''labour'')#but without directly comparing and weighing traumas and experiences in order to invalidate another#i'm so tired of seeing ''not tipping your server doesn't help anyone'' specifically being backed up by the idea#that tipping and paying into the tipping model (no pun intended) is a morally neutral or net-positive action#without actually considering the widespread consequences of tipping culture as a whole on labour wages and employee rights#of course not tipping isn't going to solve anything#nothing is solved on an individualist level#but the idea that NOT tipping is a non-solution that individuals take#being refuted by the idea that tipping as a buffer that individuals engage in#rather than it leading into any discussion about organizing#is absolutely fucking infuriating#because believe me i WANT to tip servers i WANT to make sure that everyone is paid#but if i walk into a local brewpub and buy a beer at the isolated beer shop next door by a till worker i am prompted to tip as if it were#a full service establishment and transaction#and i think that is evidence enough that tipping is not a ''thank you'' to your server but rather the employer offloading the expectation#of paying their employees proper wages onto the customer#anyways as ever the solution isn't individual action but collective organizing and community support#if you're going to tip then tip in cash and if you're not going to tip then be as kind as possible#and if you're acting as if tipping your server is the ONLY morally correct action in this situation then please#look around at your local community organizations and labour organizations and housing organizations instead of yelling online at people#who often are not being paid enough to be able to pay rent let alone pay another person's wages#mutual aid is great and important but i straight up don't consider it ''mutual aid'' if it's filtered through an employer's income
9 notes · View notes
brainfullofbees · 1 year ago
Text
.
#can i be so fucking honest right now#being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating#i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it#they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired#like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and#quietly watch always sunny#like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool#and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well#and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain#and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high#thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you#i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people#and i'm just. tired.#sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill#sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun#because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy#i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this#like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs#it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk#today's been. a day i guess
3 notes · View notes
united-under-skyfall · 1 year ago
Text
.
#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
2 notes · View notes
thistlekiss · 1 year ago
Text
.
2 notes · View notes
blujayonthewing · 2 years ago
Text
I feel like. I need to actually Talk To Someone about the effects the last three years have had on my psyche, but the current prevailing attitude toward covid has reached the point that I'm afraid even a mental health professional would approach my current issues as solely a function of my pre-existing anxiety rather than acknowledge their completely valid and rational connection to the global trauma event we literally all fucking went through
6 notes · View notes