#I'm serious when I say I'm *coping*
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I have my hands clasped together in prayer, dude @bilan-igg
I am currently imagining them happy for my own sanity CJGSCJGW
#I'm serious when I say I'm *coping*#and I mean I'm coping ***hard***#I want them happy man#digital art#fanart#fanfic fanart#the black phone#finney blake#robin arellano#artists on tumblr#mako's art#denial is a river in egypt#rinney#finbin#art
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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I am a person who gets SO pissy when we are watching something sad or dramatic or otherwise serious and the other person decides it's a good time to make a joke.
No. This is an emotional scene! Show some respect and feel bad as intended!!!
#*someone gets stabbed* 'Oh ha-ha well this hot killer can stick something in me too y'know~'#*someone says a homophone in a dramatic monologue* 'Ha-ha did they just say [insert homophonic word that makes it stupid]*#BITING YOU BITING YOU BITING YOU!!!!!!!#it's not THAT serious obviously but uuuuggggh that's my fucking pet peeve#immediately transported into middle school when we watched a movie where a girl gets raped#and the class clown immediately perked up with 'Aw are they upset about some ketchup on the sheets?'#STRANGLING YOU#'well maybe humor is their way of coping with the stress--' do not caaaaare#sure let's joke AFTER. maybe. but if you're ruining the moment I'm turning into a Bitch#I may be a nerd for this but it is what it is
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is gale actually the worst guy alive or do people just have personal issues that give them a complex whenever someone else is a master of their craft and confident about it 🤔 hmmmmmmm
#im sorry but i literally never found him to be abrasive bc yes an archmage and chosen of mystra and wizard and the designated Lore Dumper#is going to be more knowledgeable than you and that's fine LMAO#and him knowing abt the tadpoles isn't him being an arrogant know it all it's just him letting the character know what's at stake#and also the others given that some of them don't know that or feel pressured to act (see: astarion and wyll)#and re the sorc vs wizard stuff.. again... someone that has to go to school and study the art Is going to#be more learned and well read than someone that doesn't#someone that was an archmage and lover to magic itself and a child prodigy etc etc IS going to#know more like . cope#i just never found him to be horrible or as annoying as people say bc i don't take offense to confidence or prowess or info dumpers?#early access is a different beast. but official release gale? the guy who shares crazy life stories every time? and is trying#to bond with your character every chance he gets? and who doesn't admonish your character if you fail to channel#the weave and instead is a good enthusiastic teacher to your character? who has a reasonable reaction to your character#not taking him seriously and is super appreciative when they do? like. L + skill issue + get over yourself + it's really not tht serious#+ i'm telling tara + i'm also telling morena + smiting you smiting you smiting you smiting you smiting you smi#this dude was mentored by magic itself. he was taught by magic itself. he made love and was ''loved'' by magic itself. he was its chosen.#he was in contact with legendary wizards by the age of eight. he cast a spell using blackstaff. he was conjuring things#as early as a toddler. if his early access prowess is still canon then this dude was able to lift entire buildings#and battle beholders super easily and after the game he rebuilds half the city using his magic.#and so on and so forth like i'm sorry to say but gale really is that bitch and he's not an awful person for Knowing that and trying to#make that known so that he can have a purpose in the group like. hello. for the love of god hello whats not clicking 😭#and i'm not saying he's a humble precious bean i'm just saying that final release gale can be pompous and puffs himself up#but it's not like there's no merit to what he's saying LMAO#🤦♀️ anyway.
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i'm going to be seeing a new therapist later this month & i want to bring up possibly/probably having osdd, but i know that since more people have been kinda learning about what DID and osdd actually *are* there's been an influx of ppl claiming to have it (ftr it is NOT my place to tell people they're faking lmao, i don't care if someone claims to have a disorder and then later it turns out they don't & i don't think most ppl are "faking." it's between them & their therapist if they have it or not and it harms no one to self dx, people taking it less seriously isn't the fault of self dxed people either)
but anyway i'm worried that if i go into a therapist's office and immediately tell them i think i have Today's Trendy Disorder i won't be taken seriously. but at the same time there is really obviously *something* going on with me that isn't just normal depression & anxiety and treatment methods for bpd (like dbt, mood stabilizers, etc) haven't helped even a little bit over the several years i've been seeking treatment for it so i'm starting to suspect there's something else going on i haven't been seeing & honestly after talking with my last therapist abt stuff (who i was seeing for bpd/trauma stuff but looking back they were pretty obviously trying to get me to figure out i had a dissociative disorder, whether or not i do they certainly thought so) i'm realizing that some of the things i experience are a lot less normal than i thought and may be consistent w/ an osdd diagnosis (probably not DID because i don't really experience significant memory stuff though lol. i do a little but it's less "can't remember at all" and a little more like waking up from a dream where i can recall the gist of stuff but it feels far away)
i don't even know what id do with a diagnosis though. honestly i just want answers and a place to start in regards to treatment more than anything else
(advice welcome but not expected)
#idk though maybe it is just anxiety#lot of folks im seeing have like. this detailed internal world and talk to their alters and#have like very distinct separate identities and act really different and all that#my stuff is just like..... idk man#i thought i had osdd when i was a teenager but i eventually decided it was bpd mood swings and identity issues#and any memory stuff i did deal with was adrenaline from anxiety#and i'm still not convinced it's like#NOT that?#but the way people talk to me about myself when they're upset w/ me#like there's always this implication that i should be able to control what i do and say even when my emotions are boiling over#but i... Can't#if it's a situation where i could seriously fuck my or someone elses life up i can wrench back control of myself enough#to not get in serious trouble but when i get like how i do there have been times i literally know i shouldnt be doing something and#i want to stop so fucking badly and i just am basically watching myself fuck me over and make awful choices and i can't. stop myself#& i just. i always thought i was just making excuses for myself and that i was just. one of those horrible assholes#who acts like they cant control themself when they hurt others#(& i do take responsibility for the times i've hurt other people or lashed out unfairly. regardless of if it was me or an alter#it's still my responsibility to make things right)#but. idk. maybe it's not just that i'm a bad person#maybe there really is something actually going on with me and i can learn to cope w/ it in healthier ways#also shut up yeah the mp100 finale got me thinking abt this again ok. seeing mob helplessly watching from inside himself#as a Different Him went on a horrible unstoppable rampage. & the solution was that he had to accept the other him as part of himself#was. very much an 'oh' moment for me. so uh#yeah
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#sudden lowkey vent post 'cause i saw that shit just right now#imagine like. you're the person who goes and tells their “best friend” that they are simple entertainment for you.#that you're sick of their noise (your friend is going through bad times and it's HARD on them and yk it)#they shut up. time passes#and even after all the distancing. you come to that “friend”#and start your shit. and then complaining how unresponsive they are#bro. you don't even tell me what's the deal. you just dropped the fact and blamed me for the simple polite-but-not-deep response#why should i fucking care? so many times you pissed me off and now what? i should care about person who doesn't mind#shutting up their “best friend” in that manner?#omfg it was always like this. when it's yours problems and triggers it's serious and you're dying drinking blah blah blah#and when it's mine it's not that bad/cope/it isn't serious/just ignore that or advices of which i didn't ask#never asked#they doesn't even work. have you tried them before saying at the first place?#when all you want is a simple “it'll get better i promise” and you don't get it even when you fucking ask. directly. humiliating isn't it?#four years of eating shit. i guess i'm done. sometimes it's better to be alone than to be w someone like this#still haven't got enough strength to say a direct bye to this moron tho. well i hole i'll find it soon#*i HOPE it's HOPE oh god i think i should get some sleep
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BOYFRIEND!RAFE x ANXIOUS!READER
WARNINGS .ᐟ protected p in v, oral (f! receiving), established relationship, loss of virginity, reader and rafe being dorks, slow sex, these bitches do not shut up, reader is very insecure about her body and of course, has anxiety
NOTES .ᐟ this is representation for all my anxious and insecure girlies who giggle and blurt out random stuff when they're nervous (aka me)
You and Rafe were both on his bed making out, him laying underneath you as you straddled his waist—his idea, of course, citing that it would be more comfortable for both of you that way. "You better just have something in your pocket," you jokingly mumbled against his lips, feeling something distinctly hard and suspiciously close to his dick pressing against you.
You had a tendency to make a lot of dumb jokes and laugh when you were nervous, blurting out whatever came to mind before you could decide against it, which was ironic since overthinking was a second nature to you. You were shy and got nervous a lot, especially around Rafe. He was your first boyfriend and the hottest guy you'd ever laid your eyes on, neither of which helping your nerves.
Rafe's hands slipped under your shirt to touch your bare skin, holding you firmly on his lap. "Wouldn't you like to know," his smirk was teasing as he pulled back from the kiss to peer up at you.
"Uh, yeah, that's kind of the whole point of asking," you also pulled back, sitting up as you smiled down at him. You liked it when Rafe went along with your stupid jokes, bantering with you to put you at ease. He never made you feel weird or awkward for using humor to cope with your anxiety.
"Well, if you must know, I'm packing heat," Rafe quipped with a mischievous grin, his grip on your hips tightening.
You gasped exageratedly, feigning shock. "You have a gun?" You knew very well what he meant, but when did that ever stop you from saying something stupid?
He snorted, his blue eyes shining with amusement. "Yeah, I have a gun in my pants because that makes so much sense," he replied sarcastically, finding your nervous humor endearing.
"Okay, Mr. Sassypants," you rolled your eyes playfully, your palms resting on his chest as a smile pulled at your lips.
"Mr. Sassypants?" Rafe repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You know, that's not a very nice thing to call your loving, patient, and amazingly sexy boyfriend."
"Well, I can't help that my loving, patient, and amazingly sexy boyfriend is such a diva," you grinned, feeling his chest rise and fall, his heart beating steadily under your fingertips.
"Diva?" He gasped in mock offense, his hands sliding up your sides. "I'll show you a diva." In one swift motion, he flipped your positions, pinning you beneath him.
You laughed, looking up at him with a smile despite the anxiety gnawing at you. He had a way of putting your mind at ease with just one look, and the soothing circles he was rubbing on your skin were definitely helping. He stared back at you, his gaze softening. He loved your smile and the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed. Truthfully, he loved everything about you, even your innate ability to make everything a tad bit awkward.
His eyes searched yours intently, searching for any signs that you wanted him to stop. Noticing his serious turn of demeanor and his intense gaze, you felt your cheeks heat up. "Oh, cmon, don't get all serious on me now," you rolled your eyes, trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, I take my role as your boyfriend very seriously," he grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck. "And, it wouldn't be very boyfriendly of me to let you go on without knowing the wonders of sex."
"Oh, right, of course, it would be for my benefit," you giggled, your heart racing at the idea of being intimate with him. You weren't exactly against the idea, but you were still a virgin, and the idea of being with someone like that was undoubtedly nerve-racking.
You could feel Rafe smile against your skin, his hands sliding farther up your sides. "Uh huh, always thinking of what's best for my girl."
"Wow, who knew you were so selfless?" You giggled, biting your lip as he nipped as your skin. Your fingers slotted into his hair as he continued to kiss and suck at your neck, his hot breath fanning against your heated skin.
"I'm a saint, what can I say?" He mumbled, his tone teasing. He was being careful, trying to reassure you without actually saying anything because he knew you'd prefer to keep things as lighthearted as possible to make you forget about how serious the moment actually was. He could tell you were nervous, and he was determined to make you as comfortable as possible.
"Uh huh, a saint," you smiled as he slowly, tentatively pushed your shirt up your body. He was giving you time to tell him to stop, maybe even slap him if you wanted to, but you didn't. As much as you felt like you were going to die on the spot at the idea of him seeing you naked, you trusted him, and you wanted this.
"I am but a humble servant of my sexy girlfriend," he pulled back from your neck to search your eyes again, pausing for a moment before your shirt revealed your bra. You gave him a small nod, and he smiled, tugging the shirt over your head as you leaned up a little and lifted your arms to help him. He threw the shirt aside, eyes roaming your skin, as if memorizing every detail. "God, you're beautiful," he breathed out.
"Shut up," you said bashfully, your heart beating faster under his intense gaze. There was a voice in the back of your head telling you that you weren't pretty enough for him, that he would hate how you looked, and that was why you preferred to fill the silence with easy jokes and stupid quips. It made it easier to silence that nagging part of you that thought you weren't good enough for him.
"No, I mean it," he insisted, his fingers slowly tracing the lace edging of your bra. "You're like, way too pretty to be real. I mean, look at you." There was a sincerity to his words that he couldn't fake, an edge of awe and pure unbridled devotion that made your head spin.
The way he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered, the way he touched you like he worshipped every inch of you—it was all overwhelming in the best possible way. It had you scrambling in your mind to say something, anything, even if that something was a dumb dick joke.
"I bet you're thinking about saying something stupid, aren't you?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his face as he leaned down to pepper kisses over your collarbones and down the swell of your cleavage.
"I never say anything stupid," you breathed out, as he kissed the skin that wasn't hidden behind your bra. It made your heart flutter that he knew you so well, but it also made you realize how awfully predictable you were.
"Uh huh and I'm the Queen of England," he retorted sarcastically, reaching up to slide one of your bra straps down your shoulder, kissing the bare sliver of skin that was revealed.
"Oh my God, you are?" You gasped, his remark loading you with the perfect ammunition to say something stupid. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, your highness."
"Mmm, flattery will get you everywhere," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin as he continued to kiss and touch you, slipping your other strap off. He slowly unhooked your bra, his eyes meeting yours as he paused, asking for silent permission. You bit the inside of your cheek nervously before nodding.
He pulled your bra off almost instantly, his gaze sweeping over your bare chest. You felt so vulnerable beneath his gaze, resisting the urge to cover yourself. "Okay, your turn, pretty boy," you swiftly said, trying to ease your nerves and figuring you might be a little more comfortable if you weren't the only half-naked one.
"Yes, ma'am," He smirked, leaning back to pull his own shirt off, revealing his muscular chest. You couldn't help but stare, eyes roaming over his abs and the way his muscles flexed as he tossed his shirt aside. He settled back over you, his hands sliding up your sides. "Better?"
"You are annoyingly hot," you huffed, finding it completely unfair that someone as perfect as him could even exist, let alone be on top of you right now.
"Aw, you're just saying that because you want in my pants," he teased, his hands sliding up your sides to cup your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples. "But I can't blame you, I am pretty irresistible." He leaned down, swallowing the small gasp you let out at his touch as he captured your mouth in a deep, heated kiss.
"That's slander," you mumbled into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck and curling your fingers into his hair as you pulled him closer.
"Mmm, then sue me," he murmured against your lips before trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck, slowly making his way to your chest.
Your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his soft lips on your skin. He was ridiculously skilled with his mouth, knowing exactly how and where to kiss you to drive you crazy. "Yknow what, maybe I will," you retorted breathlessly, your chest rising and falling a little faster.
"I think we can come to some sort of settlement out of court," He paused, his hot breath washing over your skin before he slowly, deliberately wrapped his lips around one of your peaks, swirling his tongue around it. "What do you think?"
Your lips parted at the feeling, intaking a sharp breath of air. "Uh, yeah, yknow that could work maybe," you grinned, your fingers gently tugging at his hair as he ravished your tits with attention.
"Mmm, I thought it might," he hummed with a cocky grin, switching to give equal attention to your other breast, your back arching ever so slightly, urging him closer. He smirked against your skin, making his way lower and leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. His hands slid down your sides to your hips, fingers curling around the waistband of your pants.
"Hey, wait, I don't want to be naked first," you protested, only half joking. You would rather die than be fully naked in front of him while he sits there with his clothes on.
"Oh, trust me, I have no intention of leaving my pants on any longer than necessary," He assured you with a mischievous grin, slowly unbuttoning your jeans, his knuckles brushing against your skin.
"Yeah, 'cause you're a freak," you grinned, moving on to the making fun of your boyfriend portion of the program in an attempt to soothe the pit of nausea in your stomach. You were kind of scared, not that you wanted to be lame and admit that.
"Hey, I resent that," He protested, but his tone conveyed the opposite message as he tugged your jeans and underwear down your legs in one smooth, expert motion, his gaze never leaving yours. "I'm just enthusiastic, that's all."
"Enthusiastically a whore," you snorted, letting your head fall back, staring at the ceiling. You'd really rather not see yourself naked right now, not with the amount of anxiety already coursing through your veins. You did not need a reminder of what Rafe was seeing.
"Whore?" He teased, his fingers dancing along your inner thighs. "I think you mean an amazing boyfriend who loves you and wants to make you feel good."
You hummed thoughtfully. "Uh, no, I'm pretty sure I mean whore," you grinned, reluctantly looking down at him despite yourself.
"Well, this whore is about to rock your world," He smirked, slowly trailing kisses up your inner thigh, gripping your hips. "Just relax and let me do all the work." His voice was low and seductive, his intentions clear.
"You're such an idiot," you laughed at his cheesy choice of words, a little nervous that the witty banter would have to be put on hold. He can't exactly respond to your sarcastic remarks with his mouth occupied.
He hummed, his breath hot against your core. Your breathing picked up, and you were unsure whether it was anticipation or if you were on the verge of a panic attack.
He slowly dragged his tongue along your slit, groaning at your taste on his tongue and the subsequent gasp that fell from your lips, making his painfully hard cock twitch in his jeans. His hands gripped your thighs, spreading them further apart and opening you up to him. He had dreamed of this moment, imagined this exact scenario about a half a dozen times as he got himself off, and now that it was actually happening, he was going to relish every moment.
He began to eat you out like a man starved, his tongue delving deep inside your tight heat, familiarizing himself with every inch of you. His nose nudged at your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through you that pulled a low whine from your throat. Your fingers threaded into his hair, moaning at the unfamiliar pleasure.
His fingers replaced his tongue, his mouth moving up to the sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking it into his mouth, determined to send you over the edge. He pushed his fingers deep inside and curled them, finding that spot that made your back arch and your hips buck against his mouth.
"Rafe," his name left your lips a breathy whimper as your head fell back against his pillows. Rafe was no stranger to having women under him, writhing and moaning his name, but something about it being you made him crazy. It took all his self-control not to blow his load in his pants right there and then.
He redoubled his efforts, eager to make you cum, rubbing that sweet spot inside you with ruthless precision and sucking on your clit, his tongue swirling around your sensitive nub. Another moan fell from your lips, your grip on his hair bordering on painful as you felt your orgasm wash over you, your legs practically shaking at the intense pleasure.
He groaned as he felt you spasm around his fingers, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. He slowly pulled away, grinning as he took in your dazed expression. He carefully slipped his fingers from your quivering hole, bringing them to his mouth. He couldn't help the moan that rumbled low in his throat as he tasted you on his tongue. God, you were perfect.
His eyes flicked up to yours as his tongue darted out to lick his lips clean. "Good, huh?" He asked, his tone smug. He knew it had been good, but he wanted to hear you say it.
"I'm gonna slap that stupid look off your face," you playfully rolled your eyes, your skin practically burning up with embarrassment.
"I think that would take our case from a civil lawsuit to a criminal assault charge," he grinned, calling back to your previous joke about taking him to court. He positioned himself over you again to press his lips against yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
"It's my first offense and a misdemeanor," you mumbled into the kiss, cupping his face. "Worst I'll get is a fine, so... totally worth it."
"Okay, smartass," he pulled away, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, gazing down at you lovingly.
"Just saying," you smiled softly up at him, his hair falling into his face and his blue eyes sparkling. He really loved you, and it was evident just from the way he looked at you. He'd never felt anything like it before. He loved you so much it terrified him.
But, of course, you had to ruin the moment of peace because shutting up was not something you were wired to do, especially not in the face of such charged silence. "Your little friend is poking me again," you blurted out the words before you could stop yourself. Little friend? You really couldn't have come up with anything else?
Rafe couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he rocked his hips against you, making you gasp softly. "He's just happy to see you." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned down at you, his fingers absently tracing along your side.
"Okay, well, can you tell him I don't really know him like that, so maybe he should calm down a little bit," you couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but you loved it, and you loved him. He understood you in a way you never thought you'd be understood by anyone.
"He says he's not planning on staying a stranger for much longer," he smirked, his hips rolling against yours.
"This is actually so stupid," you giggled, your hand covering your mouth as you laughed beneath him.
"Oh, now it's stupid?" He rolled his eyes, a genuine smile tugging at his lips. "You're the one who started it."
"Shut up," you smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "Okay, okay, you can... start now, I guess," you said awkwardly. There was only so long that you could stall with stupid dick jokes. Besides, you felt a little bad that he had been so patient and undoubtedly, extremely hard.
"About time," he murmured with faux annoyance, his voice low as he fiddled with his belt buckle and pulled it through the loops, tossing it aside before popping the button on his jeans and slowly unzipping them.
You sucked in a breath, trying to calm your nerves as the sound of him pulling his jeans off seemed to echo through the room. You wanted this. You knew you did, but you couldn't help the pit of fear in your stomach.
He paused, feeling your body tense beneath him as you took a deep breath, a sign he knew all too well. "Hey, look at me," he coaxed softly, cupping your face and stroking your cheek with his thumb. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can wait if you're not ready. Just tell me to stop, and I will, no questions asked, no hard feelings. We can just forget all about it," he reassured you.
Your heart fluttered as you heard your boyfriend's words, meeting his gaze and seeing the sincerity behind his eyes. "No, I- I want to. I'm just... scared, yknow," you bit your lip nervously, mentally kicking yourself. You always seemed to be scared. There probably wasn't a single thing in the world that you weren't scared of.
"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he soothed, pressing gentle kisses to your face, your neck, your collarbone—anywhere he could reach. "There's nothing wrong with being scared. It's your first time. If you weren't scared, that would be a little concerning."
You laughed softly at his words. "You just make sure you wrap it up. I don't know where you've been," you joked. "Safe sex is great sex as the Lil Wayne once wisely said."
He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Lil Wayne, huh? I didn't know he moonlighted as a sex ed teacher." He reached into his bedside table, pulling out a foil packet and waving it in front of your face. "But don't worry, I'm always prepared."
"Jesus, that's a lot of condoms," you said, peering into his drawer and seeing way more condoms than you realistically thought one person would need. "You are a whore of massive proportions. Like, literally a menace to the female population."
"Oh, hush," he grinned, tearing open the packet and rolling the latex down over his length. "I bought them in bulk. You know, for... emergencies," He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, leaning back down to press kisses to your skin once more.
"Eugh," you giggled, your face scrunching up in disgust. "I genuinely do not want to know what a sex emergency is."
"Hey, a guy's gotta be prepared, okay?" He murmured against your neck, his breath warm. "Now, are you going to keep talking, or are you going to let me kiss you and calm you the hell down?"
"Yo, I am literally so calm," you rolled your eyes, lying through your teeth in the name of comedy and also not sounding like the total little loser virgin you were. "So calm and so chill. Literally have never been calmer or chiller in my life."
"Uh-huh," he hummed, clearly unconvinced as he pressed a soft kiss to your jaw, his fingers slowly trailing down your side, his touch gentle. "Because nothing says 'calm and chill' like sex jokes and rambling like you're on speed."
"Well, I can't help that I'm the funniest person alive," you argued, the realization dawning on you that you were naked, and he was naked, which meant there was only so many more sex jokes you could make before the sex actually commenced.
"You're not even in the top five funniest people I know," he teased, his fingers reaching your hip as he slowly pulled you closer, the heat of his body pressing against yours.
"Oh, you got jokes, huh?" You grinned, nervously giggling when you felt his tip nudge at your entrance. "You better take that back if you wanna get laid tonight."
"I think I'll stick with my original statement," he said, his voice low and husky as he pressed forward, the head of his dick pushing into you slowly as he rubbed soothing circles on your hip. "You're just not funny enough to make the cut, sweetheart."
You sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth, wincing at the painful sensation. You grabbed his bicep for support, digging your nails into his arm. "Liar," you joked weakly, your chest heaving as you breathed through the intrusion.
"Shh, just breathe," he whispered against your neck, his voice low and soothing as he paused, letting you adjust to the foreign feeling. "You're doing so good, baby. You're taking it like a champ."
"Okay, don't call me champ while you're inside me," you grimaced, trying to keep the conversation lighthearted as you slowly adjusted to having him inside you.
"You okay, baby?" He asked softly, pushing the slightest bit further into you as he examined your reaction closely.
"Oh, yeah, just peachy," you said sarcastically. The pain was gradually starting to fade, making the whole thing more enjoyable by the second. Though, the pressure between your thighs was intense.
"Mhm, you're a real ray of sunshine," he chuckled softly, pushing the rest of the way into you, his body shuddering as he bottomed out. He was as deep as he could go, his hips flush against yours.
You gasped as he pressed all the way into you, your grip on his bicep tightening. "You're gonna look like you got mauled by a lion after this," you panted out, apologetic for the involuntary response.
"I'd wear that badge of honor proudly," he said, his voice thick with amusement as he slowly began to move, his hips rolling against yours in a gentle, soothing rhythm. "Now, shut up and let me make love to you."
"Don't say 'make love' either. That's so gross," you giggled softly, a breathy moan falling from your lips as he set a slow, pleasurable pace.
"Then what would you prefer I call it?" He murmured, his lips brushing against your ear as he continued his steady movements, the friction building between your bodies. "'Coitus'? 'Intercourse'? 'Fucking'?" He punctuated each word with a sharp thrust of his hips.
You moaned, your head falling back against the pillows and brows pinching in pleasure. Okay, you were definitely starting to see what all the fuss was about. "Let's just not refer to what's happening right now as anything at all."
"Mhm, I can work with that," he hummed, his pace picking up slightly as he felt you start to relax more, your body welcoming his thrusts. "Just focus on how good it feels, baby. Let me take care of you."
He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours and kissing you deeply as he continued to fuck you with a pace that demonstrated his love and devotion to you. He never thought he would be one for slow, romantic sex, but he didn't think he was into a lot of things before he met you. You had a way of making him discover things about himself he was completely clueless to.
As he kissed you, he slowly shifted his hips, changing the angle of his thrusts to hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. He felt you tense up, a sharp gasp escaping your lips into the kiss, and he smiled against your mouth. "You like that, huh?"
"You're such an ass," you grinned, your fingers curling into his hair, back arching into him as his tip continued to hit that spongy spot inside you, the pressure low in your abdomen building.
"Maybe so, but you love it," he smirked against your mouth, his hands gripping your hips as he increased his pace, his hips snapping forward in a steady rhythm. "And you're gonna come for me again, baby. Aren't you?"
Your mouth fell open in pleasure, your breath hot against his lips. "uh huh," you nodded, your eyes fluttering shut. He was a cocky motherfucker, but he was hot and he put up with your shit, so it was only fair you put up with his in return.
"That's my girl," he purred, one hand sliding down to rub tight circles on your clit as he continued his relentless pace. "Come on, baby. Let me feel you. I want to watch you fall apart for me."
You gasped sharply at the added stimulation, his name leaving your lips in a whine as you tensed around him, sent over the edge for the second time.
He groaned as he felt your walls clench around him, the sensation of you practically choking his dick sending him into his own release. "Fuck, you feel so good," he panted, his hips stuttering as he spilled himself into the condom with a low moan of your name.
Your walls pulsed around him as you slowly came down from your high, relaxing into the mattress. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath, your whole body on fire and coated in a thin sheen of sweat.
He collapsed on top of you with a satisfied hum, peppering gentle kisses along your neck and collarbone as he softened inside you. "I love you, you know that?"
"Good 'cause otherwise this would be pretty awkward," you laughed breathlessly, gently raking your nails over his scalp soothingly. "But, seriously, I love you too," you added quietly after a beat of silence.
tags .ᐟ @starkeysprincess / @cometmultiverse / @iheartjjmaybnk / @all4l0vee / @kissesfrmriri / @xoxohoneymoongirl / @bradshawed /
#🎀#𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 📖 sol writes .ᐟ#this is so lowkey cringe#but yk what#i kind of love it#its kind of adorable#boyfriend!rafe x anxious!reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#boyfriend!rafe#anxious!reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader#rafe x you#rafe smut#outer banks#outer banks smut#obx#obx smut#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#outerbanks#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe fanfiction#rafe
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runaway bride (one-shot)
summary: on the day of your wedding, you find out that your maid of honor and husband-to-be has been hooking up behind your back... and you run directly into the arms of a stranger to help you cope with the sudden betrayal. pairing: old man!logan x fem!reader content warnings: smut (18+, mdni), oral - f receiving, dirty talk, manhandling, light choking, unprotected p in v sex (be safe folks!), doggy style, cowgirl, public sex in his limo, creampie but logan just keeps going, mentions of cheating (but not from logan), toxic relationship / friendship, implied age gap (but no mention of how old reader is), no use of y/n. word count: 3.6k a/n: ok, this is complete filth. i'm not even sure how this story came about or how it even came to mind, but here it is... i wanted to write old man logan so badly so what better way to do that is to write a smutty one-shot???
“Are you fucking serious?!” you exclaim, having opened the door to see your fiancé and your maid of honor in a heated kiss, hands exploring each other’s bodies. They both pull away from each other abruptly, eyes widening as the sudden realization of getting caught now settling in.
“Baby, it’s not–”
“Fucking save it.” You remove your engagement ring and toss it in his general direction, tears trickling the corners of your eyes.
Your best friend tries to step forward, but you raise your hand in the air and glare at her. “Don’t fucking get near me or I will lay you on your ass.”
“I’m sorry–” your fiancé begins to say.
“We’re done.” you interrupt, anger fuming in your veins. “You can go out there and tell everyone that the wedding’s canceled because fuck you,” you tell him and then point to your maid of honor, your best friend of over fifteen years. “And fuck you.”
You don’t even bother to hear their protests, already having turned on your heel and left the building without telling anyone. You see two limos parked out front, knowing that one belonged to your bridal party and the other belonging to your fiancé and his groomsmen. You don’t have time to think which one was the limo you rode in, already wanting to leave far, far away from here.
Pulling open the door, you slide inside and then finally allow yourself to let the tears fall. You bury your face in your hands, your breaths coming in pants.
“Just– Just take me anywhere else but here,” you tell the driver, looking up and expecting to see the same driver from this morning. When you realize it’s someone else entirely, you bite your lower lip and shake your head. Of fucking course you chose the limo that your fiancé had been in.
“A bit early to be leaving your own wedding, isn’t it?” he says, looking at you from the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, well, the wedding is off. Can you just take me away from here?”
Logan clears his throat. It doesn’t take a genius to know what might have happened, but he also knows that you’re not the one who he’s meant to drive and he’s certainly aware that you aren’t the one who’s going to be paying him either.
“Listen, darlin’, I’m supposed to be driving the groom and–”
“Well, he can go fuck himself. Can you please just drive?”
“Last I checked, he’s paying me and you ain’t.”
“Oh, he’s gonna still pay you. Now, drive.” you tell him, holding his gaze. “Please.”
Logan stares at you. He isn’t sure what exactly happened, but based on the conversations he heard the groom and groomsmen having earlier that morning, he has some idea that it had to do with the groom cheating on you. He just lets out a grunt and then starts the engine, pulling away from the curb and driving away from the venue.
He doesn’t know where he’s supposed to go or where you want to go, so he just drives. Logan continuously looks at you from the rearview mirror, now fully taking in your features. Logan wasn’t a man who ever cheated on a woman he was with; he’s always been so loyal, especially to the ones he cares about the most. He never understood why men (and women) cheat, why they just couldn’t end the relationship if they were no longer happy.
He hears you sniffling from the backseat and Logan slowly comes to a stop at a red light. He turns his head to look at you from over his shoulder. “Bub, you gotta tell me where you wanna go or else I’m just gonna keep charging him.”
“Good. Let’s take a trip to fucking Mexico and make him pay for it,” you say through gritted teeth.
Logan lets out an amused chuckle and then presses lightly on the gas once the light turns green. He keeps one hand on the steering wheel as he uses his free hand to enter Mexico on his phone and–
“Wait, I wasn’t serious.”
“No? Then, where do you wanna go, darlin’?”
“I don’t know,” you whisper. “Anywhere but here.” you mumble to yourself.
Logan nods to himself and then sets his focus on the road ahead of him. He doesn’t know where to go, but he does find that he doesn’t want this ride to end. Even in the silence, he finds your presence soothing, comforting. He knows you’re having a shitty day – after all, you probably had woken up this morning expecting to be married by the end of today.
He does keep stealing glances at you, finding you completely captivating. Even when your eyes meet his from the rearview mirror, Logan feels like he had been caught staring and a blush slowly blooms across the side of his neck. He’s too old to be feeling like this, like some kind of a teenager with a crush on the most beautiful girl who’s out of his league.
“How about some food?” Logan asks after driving for about twenty minutes. “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Okay,” he sighs. “Wanna go to a bar? Drink your problems away?”
“No.”
Logan tightens his jaw and then pulls into a gas station, putting the car in park as he turns around to look at you. You bite your lower lip, getting a good view of just how handsome your driver is. He’s definitely older than you, gray in his beard and hair, crow’s feet at his eyes, but you can’t help the attraction you feel towards him. Suddenly, you’re well aware that you’re staring too long at him because when you finally meet his eyes, he’s smirking.
“Why’d we stop?” you ask.
“Gotta fill up, especially if I don’t know how long I’ll be driving you around,” Logan replies. “You want anything from inside?”
Just as the question leaves his lips, you climb out from the backseat and walk inside. Logan sighs and steps out of the limo as he follows you into the small store. He towers over you and he can’t help but get a good look at the dress you’re wearing. You look so angelic, so beautiful and serene – how could anyone think that there’s better than you?
“Get whatever you want,” Logan calls out and you suddenly turn around to look up at him. He watches your lower lip pull itself between your teeth, sees your eyes take in his frame from top to bottom, and suddenly, he feels very shy under your gaze. Logan clears his throat, eyes narrowing. “What?”
“Nothing,” you say, tilting your head up at him. “Just didn’t think… Well, not all limo drivers look like you.”
“Not all limo drivers are like me either,” he mutters to himself. “Right. I’ll be up at the front. Just meet me there once you’re ready.” Then, Logan turns on his heel and slowly limps his way to the front, only glancing over his shoulder to briefly look at you. Your back’s already turned as you reach for a few items in the freezer section.
After a few minutes, you meet Logan at the front of the store and drop two bottles of water and a cherry-flavored popsicle. Logan eyes you suspiciously, but you keep your eyes trained on your feet. He has to wonder if your mind is drifting to your fiancé. Once Logan pays the cashier, he motions for you to walk ahead of him with a slight nod and then he follows you outside. Logan quickly limps to the door and opens it for you, staring down at you.
“Here,” you tell him, handing him one of the bottle of waters.
Logan arches a brow. “Thanks,” he mumbles, the close proximity almost making him weak in the knees. His eyes deviate to your cleavage, clearing his throat when his mind begins to drift. All Logan can think about is seeing you come undone underneath him, trembling and moaning because of him. He has to take a step back, has to create some distance between your bodies.
You then remove the wrapping of the popsicle and then wrap your lips around it, the deep red popsicle now coloring your lips. You keep your eyes locked on his and smile mischievously before you climb back inside. Logan shuts the door once you’re inside, the image of your lips around the popsicle giving him a clear image of your lips wrapping around his–
He hears the window roll itself down and Logan quickly walks around to the other side to fill up the tank, not bothering to look into the backseat as he feels the center of his black pants begin to tighten with each passing second.
Logan hasn’t been intimate in a very long time, his main concern being Charles and his own health, but you… Well, you’re stirring something in Logan that he thought lay dormant. He craves you and he knows that you’re also very vulnerable, having just ran away from your own wedding after finding out your fiancé was cheating on you. Logan doesn’t want to take advantage of you, despite sensing that you might want him too.
Once the tank is filled up, Logan then walks back to the driver’s seat and climbs in, starting the car. He looks at you from the rearview mirror, still sucking on the fucking popsicle with a dark gaze in your eyes.
“Where to?” he says, not realizing how quiet his voice comes out.
“Anywhere.”
“Making it real difficult for me, bub.”
You pull the popsicle away from your mouth a quiet pop! and then lets a small smile line your lips, deeply red from your cherry-flavored popsicle. Logan’s hands grip the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white and his claws threatening to come out as a result.
“Fine. How about your place?”
Logan lets out a quiet cough, not thinking that you’d be so forward and straight to the point. He shakes his head and then looks over at you from over his shoulder. “Don’t think that’s a good idea, darlin’. You’re only going to regret it and–”
“Listen, I just found out my fiancé and maid of honor were screwing around behind my back. The only regret I have right now is saying yes to marry that man and being friends with that woman. I don’t think I’m going to regret fucking you, though.”
Logan isn’t used to women saying what they want as bluntly as you do and it excites him. He doesn’t answer, just begins driving away from the gas station. He’s so hard beneath his pants, glancing over at you and seeing your eyes locked completely on his. He pulls up into an abandoned parking lot and parks the car, thankful that the windows on his limo are tinted. Logan climbs out from the driver’s seat and then opens the door to the backseat, gently reaching out to take the popsicle from your hands and tossing it over his shoulder.
“Let’s have you suck something else, huh, darlin’?”
You grin and then gently tug on the lapel of his jacket, pulling him inside with you as you shut the door behind him. You’re glad that the backseat of his limo is actually rather spacious because now that he’s hovering above you, he seems so much bigger than you, so much more broad. Your hands immediately move across his chest, feeling the chiseled muscles underneath your fingertips.
“I don’t normally do this,” Logan groans, feeling your lips move along the side of his neck, teeth grazing his skin.
“And what’s that? Fuck your passengers?”
He growls lowly, moving his strong hands to your hips and pressing himself firmly against your lower half as he settles himself between your legs. “You always got a mouth on you?”
You smirk and pull the ends of your dress higher up your legs until you bunch it at your hips, your white lace panties in full view for him. “Only when I want something.”
“Yeah, and what do you want?” Logan asks, hands moving to play with the waistband of your panties.
“A distraction,” you grip the lapels of his jacket and bring him down to press your lips against his. He growls against your lips and tugs down your panties, hand moving quickly to your folds and running the length of his finger across your wet heat.
Logan slides two fingers into you, not giving you time to get used to his thick digits. You let out a quiet gasp, pulling away from his lips to toss your head back at the intrusion. Logan moves you to sit back against the seat as he lies on his abdomen, lowering himself until his head settles between your legs.
Your eyes widen at the sight of him between your legs, your fiancé having never done this for you. When you feel his mouth latch onto your clit, his tongue flicking against your bundle of nerves repeatedly as his fingers thrust in and out you, you have to let out a loud moan. Your hands move to his hair, gripping it tightly as your arousal drips onto the leather seat.
Logan pulls his fingers out of you and laps at your juices. He stares up at you, watching as you toss your head back in ecstasy, your mouth agape as continuous moans escape your lips, and he can feel your walls begin to tremble, begin to tighten around his tongue. Logan knows his joints and muscles are going to ache after this, but he knows it’s going to be worth it. Knows that he’s going to want to do this again with you.
With his free hand, Logan undoes the buckle on his belt, followed by undoing the zipper and button on his pants. He pushes his slacks and boxers down his legs to relieve the pressure against his manhood. He pulls back to look up at you, his chin and beard dripping wet from your slickness.
“Gonna fuck you now,” he growls.
“About fucking time.”
Logan narrows his eyes and moves up your body, hand coming up to rest on your throat. He leans down and gently nips at your jawline until his forehead rests against yours, eyes staring deeply into your own.
“You like this, don’t you, bub?” Logan whispers huskily, the grip around your throat tightening to add a bit of pressure. You gasp, eyes staring up at him as you feel the tip of his length brush against you repeatedly. The grip around your throat only makes you wetter and you lift your hips impatiently, chasing his hardened length to slide down onto him.
“So impatient,” he grins. Logan releases his grip around your throat and then grabs your hips, turning you over onto your stomach. He grabs you roughly, pulling you back into him as he grips the fabric of your dress. He pulls you to prop yourself on your hands on knees as he kneels behind you, gripping the base of his manhood as he rubs his tip along the length of your sex.
“Please!” you say impatiently, trying to push back against him.
Logan smirks and then pushes himself into your tight heat, not wasting any time in filling you to the hilt. He groans at your wetness, at the warmthness of your walls, the tight hold it has around his girth. He pulls back to his tip, only to slam back into you. Logan was telling the truth that he’s never done this before. Driving had only been a way for him to get extra cash, to keep his mind busy, and he certainly didn’t have time for this, but now he can’t even imagine parting ways with you after this.
His thrusts continue, your walls sliding along his manhood and milking him with every movement. Logan moves to rest his chest firmly against your back, his lips hovering near your ear as you moan continuously with each thrust he delivers.
“This what you wanted, huh, bub?” Logan growls, gently nipping at you earlobe. “Wanted me to fuck you like this?” He thrusts roughly into you, his skin slapping against yours.
“Y–Yes!” you exclaim, slowly pushing your own hips back into his. Logan groans, leaning away from you and briefly pausing his movements to watch you move along him. He grunts to himself, lightly slapping your backside as he watches you push back against him.
Logan watches himself disappear within your depths, only to reappear when you pull back, his entire length glistening with your arousal. He groans to himself and gently pulls out of you. You’re about to protest when he sits against the backseat and grabs you by the hips, placing you to sit on his lap. He grips your dress and rips it in half, causing a loud gasp of surprise to leave your lips.
“Sorry,” he mumbles.
“Fuck the dress,” you reassure him. “I didn’t pay for it anyway.”
Logan smirks and then feels you lower yourself down onto him, groaning at your tight walls wrapping itself once more around him. He reaches around and undoes your white lace bra, watching it fall from your body as you now sit firmly on his lap, completely naked and exposed for him.
“Fuck me,” he grunts, watching your breasts bounce with your movements. He feels your hands begin to undo the buttons on his white button down shirt, removing it from his body. Today, he opted to forgo his usual white tank top, so when you lean in to press your chest against his, he can’t help but groan at the sensation of your erect nipples pressing firmly against him.
Logan feels your walls begin to tremble with each movement and he leans in to press his lips against yours, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. With one hand, he moves to grip your throat lightly, sliding his tongue past your lips when you let out a loud moan. He stares up at you, thrusting his hips upwards when your body begins to shake and the grip around your throat only tightens a smidge to cause pressure.
Your eyes shut tightly and you reach down to grip his shoulders, slamming yourself firmly onto his lap as he feels you to the hilt. Logan doesn’t falter his movements though, chasing his own release. It comes out of nowhere there, hand dropping from the grip around your throat to grab his base, thrusting upwards once, twice, before he pulls out to see his release trickle out of you.
You’re breathing heavily and you’re looking at him with a small smile and hooded eyes. When he looks down between your legs, his come continuing to trickle down your leg, it only ignites a fire inside of him and he suddenly feels hard again.
“One more, bub,” Logan growls. “One more.” He thrusts his tip inside of you, grunting lowly before he slides back into you, hands gripping the meat of flesh on your thighs as he feels the stickiness of your arousal mixed in with his come against the base of his lower half.
Your nails dig into his shoulders, dragging them down his arms as your walls are already overly sensitive. Logan doesn’t falter, but his thrusts do become more erratic. “Oh god,” you whimper, trying to pull yourself away from him, but Logan holds you firm on his lap, making you take his assault on you.
You wanted a distraction and you were certainly getting it.
Logan leans up and gently nips at your jawline as he plants his feet on the floor of his limo, driving his hips further upwards. He does this a few more times before he holds you against him, releasing into you a second time as he paints your walls with his thick spend. He’s breathing heavily, forehead resting against your chest as his hands on your thighs move to rest on your hips.
“I uh, fuck,” he mumbles. “I should have asked first and–”
“Stop,” you interrupt. “I like that I can still feel you inside of me,” you smile, feeling him slowly pull out. Even though you miss his girth, his release remains and fills you up. You reach down to wipe the trickle of his come off your inner leg and capture it on the pads of your fingertips. You stare into his eyes and then bring your fingers to your lips, wrapping your lips around it and sucking his release off of it. “Mmm, yum.”
Logan growls, feeling his length stir awake once more. “That want you wanted?” he asks again. “A distraction?”
“Yeah,” you nod. “But I think I’m gonna want more distractions from you.”
Logan smirks. “That so, bub?”
“Oh yeah, I need someone to help me through this breakup,” you say honestly. “As long as that’s okay with you…”
Logan nods and then looks down at your exposed front, hand coming up to slowly knead your breast into the pit of his palm. “Yeah, baby. That’s more than okay with me.”
You grin excitedly, letting out a quiet whimper. “So… Your place then?”
“My place,” he confirms. “But how about you ride up front with me?”
“Yes, please. I do want a taste of you,” you bite your lower lip, hand moving to gently run your fingertip along the length of his manhood. “And I want to do it while you’re driving.”
Logan groans. “Oh, you’re fucking naughty, aren’t you?”
You nod shyly, biting the inside of your cheek. “I’ve been suppressed,” you admit. “My sex life has been… boring, to say the least.”
“Blessing in disguise,” Logan points out. “Thank god you’re not getting married to a man who doesn’t take care of your needs.” He leans in and then pecks your lips. “Don’t worry, though, bub. I’m happy to take care of you until then.”
---
forever taglist: @haytchee @wolverigrl
#hugh jackman#hugh jackman character#logan howlett#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett fanfic#old man logan#wolverine#old man logan fanfiction#old man logan howlett#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader#story: runaway bride
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🔞 𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 | 𝟏𝟖+
𝐓𝐨-𝐁𝐞 𝐄𝐱-𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 | 𝟐
<- 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯.
𝟑.𝟔𝐤 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 / 𝟕 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : fem reader / Gojo Satoru / (Geto Suguru)
𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 : your ex-boyfriend claims he isn't a playboy anymore, but is he being genuine? Another date with him leaves you a mess, and you end up asking his best friend out for coffee.
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : angst, pining, drama, smut (cr**mpies, light degradation, name calling (sl*t and wh*re), c*nnilingus, bl*wjob in the backseat/risky), implied sexual relationship with Suguru
𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐦𝐞 : Heaven and Back | Often | Wine Pon You | New Rules
You walk out of your bedroom gussied up, lips painted in a very specific shade of red.
And Shoko, laid on the couch tiredly, gapes in disbelief at you.
"Oh my god." she groans, "Please don't tell me you're going on another date with that playboy."
You act dumb, nervously touching your neck as you style your hair in the mirror some more.
"What?"
"You're wearing the Gojo Satoru lipstick."
You continue acting, "This isn't the 'Gojo Satoru' lipstick, I love this lipstick! I always wear this shade!"
She looks at you, dumbfounded by your acting, nearly laughing.
"No, that's the Gojo Satoru lipstick. I can distinctly recall his words; "That's my baby's lipstick on me." and how you giggled on his shoulder."
"Shoko, that was five years ago." you say, "It's fine. I promised him only one more date. He needs closure."
"He's had five years of closure." Shoko replies, "Angel, you're too good for him."
"He's changed!" you insist.
"No, he hasn't; I saw that look in his eyes when I saw you two on the couch. He's still a playboy, and he'll prove it to you soon enough." she says.
"I have faith in him." you say.
"How many times have I heard that?" she shakes her head, getting ready to have a smoke. "You know, Gojo Satoru has always gotten what he wants. That's why he's so fascinated by the new you; you're not giving yourself to him like you did back then."
"I have faith in him!" you emphasize. "God, just tell me I look good."
"..."
"Please. I'm nervous. He's high-class, you know. I feel like I'm going on a date with the president of the world."
Shoko sighs and heads towards the balcony to smoke.
"You look too good." she says earnestly. "He was right about that shade of lipstick on you."
Her compliment makes you light up significantly.
You fuss as you wait. Since Shoko asks, you tell her; "He ordered for someone to chauffeur me."
"Oh my god." she groans, "He's really buttering you up."
"But isn't it such a gentleman move!"
"... more like a rich boy flex." she mutters under her breath, stubbing out the end of her cigarette.
"Okay. I've got to go. See you later... um, unless I overnight by him, of course." you giggle dreamily.
"Condoms." Shoko says simply.
"He's got some."
"Bring your own, always."
"But I'm on birth control, and we've already — " you begin.
Shoko cuts you off, "I know, but have you ever heard about the whole "creampies make you fall in love" thing?"
"What?" you look dumbly. "Isn't that a myth?"
"No. Coming inside is affectionate. You're going to feel connected to him and then he'll dip when you become "too serious" for him. Just keep him at bay."
You give her advice consideration, and nod. "Okay, alright. I won't let him do it inside."
*****
While being chauffeured, you rehearse in your head how to greet your ex-boyfriend — but it doesn't help, because as soon as you're actually in his presence again, your mind goes blank and you start nervously touching at your neck and giggling to cope with his charm.
From the moment Satoru takes your hand and leads you into the restaurant, you feel like a VIP. It's such a familiar feeling; in your early twenties, when you and him dated, he showed you what it meant to be really rich.
And he was excited to shower you in lavish treatment, he loved to see you decorated in his diamonds and to see your bright smile on foreign beaches.
The effect he has on you is even noticed by the waiter, who tends to your secluded table on the rooftop. You and Satoru feel like you're in your own bubble.
"I'm serious." he says honestly, looking into your eyes.
"... you break my heart, then disappear for five years, and then come back asking for marriage." you shake your head, "Doesn't that sound insane to you? Can't you understand why I'm rejecting you?"
"I've changed."
You hum skeptically.
"Really." he tilts his head, he flicks his brow giving his expression that sad little look that really sells it for you.
"If we got married, how long would it last?"
"What do you mean? We'd be wed 'till we're dead." he grins.
You shake your head and smile at him, poking at your plate. A long silence passes.
"... let me think about it."
"... okay." his spirits lift. "But don't make me wait too long; I'm impatient." he teases.
"Too bad. I'm gonna take my time." you sass, biting a piece of meat off your fork to make a statement.
He grins at you.
*****
Food all eaten, dessert long gone. The night air feels good. Not like old times, but new times with an old lover. He knows he messed up, right? So why hasn't he apologized yet? Maybe, you theorize to yourself to justify him, maybe he's still thinking up an apology.
He stares at you from across the table, eyes hungry like a starved wolf.
"You look so good tonight." he says for the third time.
You giggle in response, "Stop..."
"I swear that shade of lipstick looks familiar." he teases, leaning over the table.
You can smell his cologne, and it entrances your heart.
"... is it?" you ask softly, pretending like you don't know what he's talking about.
He knows you're pretending, he thinks it's cute.
"You think it would look good on me too?" he asks.
You shrug like a ditzy princess, "I dunno. Wanna find out...?"
He's so quick to call the waiter for the bill, like there's a pressing issue that needs his attention.
But the only pressing issue is his hard-on pressing hot against his thigh.
*****
Giving his cock all your attention in the backseat of the car, Satoru forces his moans down so that his poor chauffeur doesn't hear through the screen divider.
You stifle a slurping sound, sliding off the tip of his cock slowly, and it makes him shudder hard. He closes his eyes, like that helps any, and tries to keep from cumming in your mouth right there.
Gojo knows your lipstick stains are going all over his cock, it drives him crazy.
Before he cums, you pull off and he mutters a small "Just you wait..." under his breath that makes you smile wide.
****
Kissy marks lead up his abs. Of course, he wants to take a photo — to preserve the memory.
"Hand here, baby. Good girl." he instructs, and in his voice right then you can hear how mature he is now, in comparison to the squeakier voice he had when you two first met.
He's not a boy anymore, he's a man. But very far from being your man, which he's trying to change.
"Lay back." he murmurs. "Spread your legs. Wider. Good girl."
Without saying a thing about it, he noses in between your thighs and shows you heaven is real, and it exists on Gojo Satoru's tongue.
"Fuck!" you clamp your thighs around his head, making him hum while sliding his tongue inside.
When you two first dated, he wasn't inexperienced — but he didn't quite know how to eat a woman out.
Five years is a long time to practice, and he definitely did. You can feel his sloped nose nudging against your clit as he kisses and sucks, sometimes nibbling softly with his teeth at your puffy lips.
Making you cum on his tongue is almost too easy for Satoru, he nearly laughs as he pulls away and licks your slick off his lips. He thinks it's a pity that he's at the wrong angle to see your eyes rolling back. But at least he sees how you throw your head back for him, and how you sound for him — like a cat, he loves it.
"Nice and messy for me now, huh?" he hums, connecting his body with yours as he crawls upwards and devours your lips.
"Mhm!" you whine, still unsteady from your orgasm, breathing frantically. "Satoru, I need you in me right now."
"Aw, but I was gonna — "
"Nowww!" you beg.
He sighs, "Can't say no to that face."
You watch intently, licking your lips, as he whips his belt off and takes his cock out. It's red from the tip down to the middle, where that familiar thick vein always catches your attention.
By your request, even though it confuses him, he squeezes his cock into a condom.
"What do you need, baby?" he asks, lowering his cock onto your pussy and rubbing it between your slicked lips.
You squeal as he flicks at your clit, then pinches your folds around his cock, making you realize his size in comparison to little you.
"I need you."
"Need me how?"
"Satoru!" you hiss annoyedly.
"I don't want to have to tease you, baby just say it."
"I want your cock inside me."
"Not nearly slutty enough." he shakes his head, drawing his cock back and forth, rubbing over your soft pussy. "You said to me in the car that you were a total, fucking slut for me, didn't you say that? Or am I imagining things?"
You start babbling, "Yeah! I'm a slut for you, I want it so bad!" you whine, "C'mon fuck me stupid!"
"That's better." he grins.
Just like how he always does, he presses his tip inside you so politely but then pushes it in too deep, making you curl like you're about to cum.
Satoru's not one to go slow for long, he'd rather pound into you hard and fast right away, to bring out that slut in you as quick as he can. Because right now, you're not nearly slutty enough for him, as he said — and he needs to see that side of you.
"Baby, get loud for me, come on." he grunts, shoving himself as deep as he can, reaching the spot that you know isn't the G-spot or your cervix, but something in-between.
"Fuck!" you almost cry, "That's so good, fuck me harder please!"
He grins, cheeky fangs on display, and goes harder until you can hardly handle it. You don't care if it hurts just a little bit, because you want to know that every inch of your ex's cock is inside you. Not just eight, eight and a half — honestly, he doesn't know where you put all of that, but he delights in watching it disappear into your hole.
"Look at you." he purrs, "How deep are you trying to suck me?"
It feels like he's going to split you in two. Sweat pours out of the both of you, bodies getting slippery.
As Satoru continues pumping his cock back and forth, in and out of you, he starts furrowing his brows together in focus — playful edge dulling as it always does when it feels good good.
"That's it, you fucking take it." he grunts, "Good girl, you're a good little slut for me huh?"
"Yeahhh I'm a good little slut for you!"
"Let me take the condom off, baby."
You know you're gonna hear it from Shoko if she knows, but in the moment you're too drunk on sex to care, and even reach back to strip the condom off your ex's cock yourself as he watches with a smirk.
"Good girl. Now flip on your side, like this." he instructs.
He slides back inside slowly, filling you inch by inch with a low groan — like he's falling in love.
And the sounds he makes as his orgasm builds up make you want to cum again, too. Each time he hits that strange spot between your G-spot and cervix, your visions sparks a little.
Hard strokes tip you over, and you lay there letting Satoru degrade you and call you a filthy slut. You'd be his anything as long as it felt this good.
"I'm so close." he warns, trying to savor the buildup.
"Cum inside me." you mewl, "Please."
"Yeahhh I'm gonna — fuck. Take my cum, be a good girl."
The broken moan he lets out as he creampies you is almost obscene. Satoru slows his thrusts as he shoots everything he has into you.
His jaw slacks, and he groans, "... prettiest little slut, aren't you? So filthy and pretty."
"I'm gonna cum againnn..." you whine, reaching down to rub frantically on your sensitive clit.
He watches you through the haze of his post-orgasm, slowly grinding his cock inside to get you there.
"Good girl."
"C-call me a slut again, please."
He laughs naughtily, "Fucking slut. Come on, finish on me. Make that cute face again, 'cute lil' whore."
Satoru always surprises you during sex in some way, this time you're surprised when he caresses your cheek as you cum. You shake and spasm, feeling each shock of your orgasm.
Panting and coming down from your high, Satoru cracks a smile.
"You were so loud." he laughs.
Reality hits you, "Oh my god, I didn't know I liked being called a slut so much!" you cover your face embarrassedly.
He rings out with laughter.
*****
After sex. What happens after sex? He's a gentleman, and that makes you tear up — not because he's a gentleman, but because he never used to be quite like this.
No, he never used to be quite like this. Even kissing you afterwards? Why was it, you wonder, that back then he couldn't love you as deeply as now, when you needed it most?
"What's wrong?" he asks.
You try to stop your crying, but it gets worse.
"Satoru." you say, sniffling, eyes pointed downwards, "I know it's been five years, but I'm still hurt."
He doesn't reply. Just awkwardly wrings his hands and sits at the edge of the bed, soft duvet covering his lap.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't really help."
"Then what can I do?"
"I don't know." you sniffle, "Go back in time and love me. You know, I needed your love back then more than I do now." you admit to both him and yourself.
Satoru purses his lips, thinking before he speaks — but then he ends up not replying at all.
Instead, he goes to wipe your tears. Something he always did towards the end of your relationship, because you were always crying.
"I should go home."
He jolts a little. "Oh. I thought you were gonna stay the night?" he croaks. Inside, he's dreading sleeping alone again.
"No." you shake your head. "I've got to stop fooling myself. We're not getting back together, you're not more than a playboy, we're not getting married — and sex with you is better than with anyone else, but a relationship can't bank on that, Satoru."
"I'm being genuine. I told you earlier that I was."
"How can I trust you?" you ask.
"Playboys don't propose marriage." he replies.
"But you're just joking about that!"
"I'm not!" he stresses, "The last time you loved me, I was just a boy. I'm a man now and I know what I want." he says roughly.
You both go silent. Then he starts speaking again, voice softer than before.
"I love you more every time I see you."
You don't say anything back. He looks stricken and confused.
"I'm gonna go." you say.
He purses his lips tightly, looking frustrated that he can't get through to you.
"I'll take you home." he says quietly.
*****
Shoko is just digging around in the freezer for therapeutic ice cream when you come into the entry way.
"You look dreadful."
"Thanks."
"Bad date?"
"The worst..."
"Still love him?"
"... yeah."
"Marriage?"
"I'm in love, not stupid." you reply.
Shoko chuckles. "Come on. Let's catch up on that series. I'm not on-call." she cheers for herself. "We can binge the whole thing."
"Shoko, where would I be without you?" you sigh appreciatively, flopping on the couch next to her, mascara smudged off and all.
"Staying the night with a playboy, probably."
"Can't argue that." you sigh, "Shoko, I'm so dumb for him, what do I do?"
"Wait. Strike at the right moment."
"I'm not a cobra."
"Buy a cobra. Let it loose on him."
"Your humor is so dark, Shoko. I love you."
"Love you more."
*****
Meanwhile, Satoru is with Suguru; who is listening to his sulking best friend.
"I'm so dumb for her. What do I do?" he groans, "Shoko's probably poisoning her against me as we speak."
Suguru thinks deeply. "Shoko..."
"I know!" Satoru nearly starts crying again. He's being so dramatic, it's hard to take him seriously. But Satoru almost never cries. So Suguru seriously thinks about solutions to his problems.
"Shoko!" Suguru realizes.
"I knowww!"
"No, Satoru, Shoko!" Suguru emphasizes, like he's just made a breakthrough, "Shoko is the answer to all your problems!"
"Ew. I'd never date Shoko."
"You're so dense. I'm not suggesting that. Shoko's her best friend, and she listens to whatever she says, like you listen to me."
"You have a point... I'm listening."
"See?" Suguru chuckles, "Now, here's what I think you should do..."
*****
"You want me to talk to Suguru?" you shake your head. "How would that help?"
"He's his best friend. If you want to find out if Satoru's no-good, you go to the best friend."
"Suguru would rather die than expose Satoru. They're not like regular best friends, they're soulmate best friends." you say, nervously touching at your neck.
Shoko shakes her head. "Are you scared to talk to Suguru or something? What actually happened between you two back then? You never told me."
You go silent and wide-eyed. Shoko's jaw drops open.
"No way. Holy shit. Oh my god. You and him...?!"
"... it was just once."
"Holy shit! Was this before, after or during you and Satoru together?"
"I'm loyal as a dog! It was after... I was feeling, um, revengeful, and Suguru was feeling lonely one night... so..."
"Suguru actually did that?! Did Satoru find out?"
"We promised to never talk about it again. You know... Suguru was so nice about it. I remember he laid me down and said "Don't worry, just cum on my tongue" or something. Ugh, he was so hot. He fucked the life out of me — I could barely fucking see straight after."
"Too much information!" Shoko plugs her ears.
You look up at the ceiling dreamily. "He's thicker than Satoru."
"My best friend is a slut!" Shoko cries.
"I am!" you cry back dramatically.
The two of you burst out laughing wickedly.
"To sluts!" Shoko toasts with an ice cream spoon.
You toast with her, "To sluts! The sluttier the better!"
"Are you gonna talk to Suguru, then? Or are you scared of your inner slut coming out?" Shoko asks.
"I'll do it. It'll be fine. I'm sure Suguru doesn't look as good in real life as he does in photos..." you reply.
You exchange a look with her. Immediately, the two of you stalk Suguru's social medias and —
"Seriously? Who doesn't have a single social in this day and age?!" You curse, only finding photos of Suguru with Satoru.
"That's just like him."
"Maybe he has a Linkedin."
"You're desperate."
"Yeah!"
"Wait, here's something...?"
You investigate further.
"It's private?!"
Shoko bursts out laughing with ice cream melting on her tongue.
"Comedy!"
"This is seriously annoying. I'm gonna friend him." you say.
Shoko looks at you. You look at Shoko.
"You wouldn't."
"I would."
"You're CRAZY."
"I am!"
"Let me watch, let me watch."
"Okay. I'm doing it."
*****
Satoru is mixing another over-sweetened, non-alcoholic cocktail to be sipped on as if he's drinking his sorrows away.
And Suguru? He's laying on the couch, ghosting social medias that he has no account with, happily enjoying a video of traditional cuisine when suddenly he sees the most outrageous, random, and bizarre notification from his mostly-dead private account.
He makes a suspicious side-eye, thinking it can't be real.
Friend request from @ 𝐘𝐍
@ 𝐘𝐍 wants to send you a message.
@ 𝐘𝐍 hey suguru 😊
"What the fuck." he whispers under his breath, blushing in a panicked kind of way.
Immediately, hot memories of you flood his mind. He sits more upright on the couch, glances nervously to check what Satoru was doing, then looks at your message again.
His heart races.
*****
"This is stupid. He's gonna leave me on read."
"Yeah. I forgot Suguru was notorious for that." Shoko sighs. "Operation: Suguru is a failure, then?"
"Yeah."
You set your phone down and continue binge watching a whole season of a trashy series on Netflix.
Your phone vibrates thirty minutes later. You check it without thinking, then scream so loud it startles Shoko right out of her zen-like Netflix mood.
"NO WAY."
"Is it him? What did he say?"
"He said 'hey'. He's online."
"Well say something!"
You panic, "What do I say?"
"Ask him for coffee! In a non-romantic way!"
"Okay."
wanna go for coffee sometime?
@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 is this about satoru or us?
it's about satoru
@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 riiight
i'm serious 😠
@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 because i wouldn't mind if it's about us
"WHAT." you scream with Shoko.
"REPLY TO HIM."
"I DON'T KNOW HOW."
"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE."
Shoko clacks her nails against the screen viciously, replying to him as you watch her type.
"That doesn't sound like I wrote it."
"Well sorry for being grammatically correct."
"Make it sound sillier."
"There."
Shoko sends it. You watch and wait with bated breath, ignoring the climactic scene on the TV because Suguru Geto was far more attention-grabbing.
"Oh my god." you clap your hand over your mouth. "Is that sexual? Is he being sexual?"
"I have no idea, Suguru's an enigma."
"Do you think Satoru is sitting with him? Are they playing us?"
Shoko shrugs. "I don't know, but I'd read that message if I were you."
You look back to your phone.
@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 sooo coffee where and when?
"SHOKO WHAT DO I DO."
"I don't know."
"SHOKO."
"I DON'T KNOW. I'M STUNNED."
"ME TOO."
"I bet Satoru is cackling next to Suguru right now."
"I bet not. Listen to how sultry he is! That's three o's in there!"
Shoko thinks. "Yeah, but Suguru is always sultry. I think they're pulling a joke on us."
*****
Satoru is dozing off while his best friend texts you. Suguru's not resisting his smirk; it's plastered on his face.
@ 𝐘𝐍 tomorrow? 2pm sound ok? 🙈
@ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐢𝐞 sounds perfect.
© 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.
𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞.
#mdni#smut#gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#jjk x reader smut#gojo satoru fluff#fluff#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#satoru gojo#satoru#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fic#fic#gojo fic#gojo fluff#gojo x you#jjk satoru#gojou satoru x reader#jujutsu satoru
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"Will You Marry Me?"
How I imagine LADS Men would propose. This is part 1 of 2. I tried to do the sweet elegant writing, but that ain't me so here you go....
Zayne
Zayne definitely shows his love through his actions.
He's the type to be nervous the weeks leading up to his proposal. He won't show it though his coping mechanism would just be to work more hours to avoid thinking about all the reasons you'd say no. So you'd barely see him for weeks.
Don't worry though trust he's planned everything down to the last minute. He even tried to plan how the conversation would go. He quickly scraps that idea when he remembers he can never predict your response considering the way you always surprise him with your antics.
He's private about your relationship (Private not a secret read that again twice). He wouldn't want a crowd or prying eyes he'd want a cozy afternoon at home with you. The PERFECT cozy afternoon. He'd have you sit down on the couch as he'd bend a knee and give you the most Shakespearian speech you've every heard in your life before ending it with a......
Zayne: I know I've told you before nothing last forever but I'd like to be your nothing and last forever .... Will you marry me? MC: You're my everything Zayne Zayne: Is that a yes? MC: Yes yes of course
How could you even think of saying no? He would also turn you every which way but loose to celebrate. The aftercare would consist of a hot jasmine scented bath with you to relax your muscles. That nap would hit different after that cozy afternoon. ;)
Rafayel
Rafayel is so silly he'd stumble and drop the ring down a drain or something. I bet you thought thats what I'd say huh? Wrong number babes.
He can be serious when he wants to and he'd want his proposal to be perfect as well however he would want to have fun prior to asking just to calm his nerves. He'd take you to a festival or a farmers market or the arcade anything to take his mind off his racing heartbeat for his plans later.
When the time comes he would take you to a quiet gorgeous beach at sunset (A place where he feels the most calm) and right when nightfalls. Fireworks. Perfect timing huh? Coincidence? I think not!
He always finds you beautiful no matter what. He could stare at you for hours and never get tired of looking at you. There was something about you in the moonlight mixed with the awe on your face while watching the fireworks. You were unreal.
He'd wait until you're completely enamored by the fireworks before subtly mentioning something further down the beach. You'd turn quickly seeing beautiful candle light set up complete with a heart shaped flower archway covered in Flame Lillies. It was ethereal.
MC: Oh my gosh someones getting proposed to Rafayel: Lets get a closer look MC: No we might ruin it let's stay here Rafayel: It'll be fine I know the person proposing they haven't got there yet we can go look MC: Fine but quickly
Rafayel would lead you over directly in front of the archway where you would pull at his sleeve to try and leave. Because why does this man got you in the middle of someone else’s proposal set up??
MC: Your friend could be here any minute we should leave Rafayel: He's here MC: *Looks around frantically* Where?!? Rafayel: It's me MC: *Turns to see Rafayel on one knee*
His speech is an absolute tear jerker. He'd promise to love you endlessly and passionately. "I promise to chase you to the ends of the earth even in death I'd find you in the next life"
Rafayel: So ... will you be my beloved bride? MC: YES!
Me personally I'm tackling his fine ass in the sand after he slips that ring on
Xavier & Sylus here...
#love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lnds rafayel#lnds zayne#lads#lnds#nikaaaaimagine
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The last story was amazing, hope you can get this one in before the holdidays, and have a nice vacation. And just a great next few months on top of that! But I was wondering ( sorry this may be long ) if you could do a headcanon of alastor, lucifer, Angel Dust, lucifer, fizz + Ozzie, and Rosie? ( sorry if that's to many characters there all just great characters ) x a reader who has CIP ( the inablility ) to feel pain? Thank you! Also how have you been?
I'm all good. I haven't had much free time lately, so I'm a little behind schedule on writing requests, but I still don't lose hope that I'll be able to finish everything before the end of the year. And how are you doing?
Headcanons CIP
🕷 Angel Dust x Reader 💖
You and Angel have known each other for a long time. You knew that he often got into various scuffles and always reminded him to be careful. One of the times you knew for sure that he was going to get into trouble, you went with him. You were right and helped him cope and not get hurt, but there was something that caused him concern. You were hit by several bullets, but you didn't seem to pay any attention to it at all
Only when you noticed the blood on your clothes did you say with irritation that you had ruined your favorite sweater. Angel jumped up to you, worried about your wounds, but you didn't seem to feel the pain, which you soon informed him about. That's why Angel took you back to the hotel, where he treated your wounds. You told him that you had a CIP. You haven't felt pain since you were born, even when you were human, and even in Hell, the absence of pain has remained with you
Angel was surprised that for so long he didn't know that you don't feel pain at all. You had to pay attention to little things so as not to harm yourself, for example, be careful about hot dishes, because you might not notice how hot the soup could be or how hot the cup of coffee was. Angel listened attentively to you, surprised that he didn't notice it
Angel has become more attentive towards you. He didn't constantly take care of you, but sometimes he reminded you that the food or drink was hot, that you held the knife too close to your fingers, or that you were injured. Angel understood that even if you didn't feel pain, it didn't mean that the wounds didn't hurt you, which is why he tried to take care of you at least a little
📻 Alastor x Reader🎙
Alastor found out that you don't feel pain when he noticed that you returned to the hotel with an injured leg. You weren't even limping. You just went to your room like everything was completely normal. He didn't know any other reason for this. He went to your room with a first-aid kit and you did not hide from him either your own wound or the fact that you really did not feel pain
Alastor stayed in your room while you treated the wound on your leg. You told him that even when you were human, you didn't feel pain. You assumed that at least in Hell this would change, but it turned out not to be so. Because of this, you didn't notice the wounds you could get until you noticed the blood on your clothes
The origin of the scars on your skin was now clear. He understood that you probably got these scars in Hell. On your palms, hands, and obviously not only there. You really weren't very worried about your own health, and the lack of pain only made it harder for you to take care of yourself
Alastor understood that in Hell there was much less harm from this for you. Dying in Hell was much more difficult for a sinner than when you were alive, so Alastor didn't worry too much about you. He knew you'd be fine, but he still left a first-aid kit in your room in case you needed it
💀Rosie x Reader 🌹
You were a frequent guest at Rosie's and helped her with some problems at her store. You often stayed at her house for weeks at a time, but Rosie was only too happy to spend time with you. Sometimes you came in with wounds after fights, but Rosie was sure they weren't that serious, so you didn't pay attention to it. However, when you came in seriously injured but behaved as if everything was fine, she became worried
Rosie insistently asked you to sit down and brought a first aid kit. She was in no hurry to ask questions or jump to conclusions, primarily focusing on your wounds. You didn't make a sound when she was treating your wounds, which gave Rosie certain thoughts
You honestly told her that you didn't feel pain at all. Even before your death, you had CIP and you learned to live with it, but in Hell you became more relaxed and took much less care of your own health, which led to your injury. Rosie listened to you carefully, then gently stroked your hair and asked you to be careful
Rosie didn't want you to try. She knew that you tried to be more attentive to yourself and tried to avoid new wounds. You didn't want to upset Rosie and make her worry, which is why you tried not to put yourself in danger, not even realizing that Rosie was ready to show those who would harm you why she was overlord
🍎 Lucifer Morningstar x Reader 🐍
Lucifer knew perfectly well that you didn't feel pain. You've known each other for a long time and he often saw you after fights. You didn't pay attention to the wounds, just talked irritably about stained or torn clothes. You both knew that the lack of feeling pain had its own characteristics, so you made sure that the wounds were treated, and Lucifer made sure that no one dared to hurt you
Lucifer was much stronger than you, and when you were together, no one dared even try to look at you askance, but sometimes you got involved in fights, especially when it was the end of the year. You didn't want to hide, even though you knew you could have died. Every time Lucifer found out that you were fighting again, he watched, taking his time to intervene. It was only when he saw that you were seriously injured that he intervened
Lucifer sometimes offered to pick up personal guards for you, but you kept telling him that it wasn't necessary. Just because you didn't feel pain didn't mean you were reckless. You tried not to put yourself in excessive danger, realizing that even in Hell you could die
You didn't know how long you would be in Hell and whether it was possible to leave Hell at all, but while you were there you weren't going to let yourself die again, especially because you didn't notice any wound and Lucifer didn't mind helping you with it
🎪 Fizzarolli x Reader x Asmodeus 💕
In your relationship, Asmodeus has always tried to take care of Fizzarolli and you. He had sincere feelings for both of you, and you responded in kind, but if Fizzarolli really tried to be careful, then you got into trouble more often. They both saw the wounds healing on you, but you always said it was just a small accident and they had nothing to worry about. This went on until you returned with bloodstains on your clothes and serious wounds that you didn't pay attention to
They immediately rushed to you, both very worried. You convinced them that you were fine, but this time it was obviously not the case. Asmodeus treated your wounds, after which he seriously asked who did it. To his question, you smiled gently and said that they were much worse off than you, so you shouldn't have worried about it. However, there was something that did not escape their eyes. It's like you didn't feel the touch of your wounds
When Fizzarolli asked you if you were in pain, you were confused and said that you didn't feel any pain at all. You've had CIP and you've never felt pain in your entire life. There used to be problems because of this, but now you have learned to avoid serious problems, at least you tried
Asmodeus and Fizzarolli weren't going to leave you alone until your wounds were completely healed. They both surrounded you with care, worrying about you, to which you laughed softly and hugged them. Even in Hell, you were able to find those who gave you the warmth that warmed your heart and soul
#Hazbin Hotel#Hazbin Hotel x Reader#Hazbin Hotel headcanons#Helluva Boss#Helluva Boss x Reader#Helluva Boss headcanons#Alastor#Alastor x Reader#Angel Dust#Angel Dust x Reader#Rosie#Rosie x Reader#Lucifer Morningstar#Lucifer Morningstar x Reader#Fizzarolli#Fizzarolli x Reader#Asmodeus#Asmodeus x Reader
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POV: Deuce's very first kiss from his crush
(Click for better quality)
I'm finally officially introducing my Yuu/OC x canon/Yumeship here! (✿◕‿◕) Writing this post took me forever, but I'm super happy with it!
Reblogs are super appreciated hehehe
Please be kind & DO NOT take inspiration from this ship. ^^"
(While Allen isn't me, I'm calling them a Yumeship because he's based on my younger self/me when I first started playing TWST & because the ship gives me a ridiculous amount of comfort!)
Allen x Deuce (aka Spade of Storms) is my ultimate comfort ship and they mean a ton to me.
These two are best friends who become lovers and closely mirror each other. Deuce is the delinquent with rather bad self-control who tries to be a model student, while Allen is a former honor student who's now a very lowkey delinquent with stellar self-control and a mature attitude.
Due to the fact that Allen and Deuce are so similar and yet the opposite of each other, they're able to excellently understand and support the other, and they help each other accept themselves.
Their ship blog: @spade-of-storms (facts, drabbles & more est. May 2024)
Now why exactly are these two perfect for each other? Well...
LONG TEXT AHEAD!
♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤
Deuce:
Allen supports Deuce with all his heart. Instead of believing that someone "as stupid and temperamental" as Deuce could never become an honor student, Allen fully believes in him and encourages him. In comparison to when other people say it, these words actually have an incredibly strong impact on Deuce and are believable to him because he knows that Allen has similar experiences and speaks from them.
Allen doesn't think that Deuce is stupid in the slightest and views him as genuinely smart. To Allen, intelligence isn't determined by grades or academic abilities, but by morals, attitude, logic, and willingness — all of which Deuce has.
Allen doesn't try to change Deuce. Rather than turning Deuce into a full-on honor student and role model, which he isn't by nature, Allen prefers for Deuce to stay true to himself and work towards his goal while not suppressing any aspect of who he is — Allen knows exactly that forcefully becoming someone you naturally aren't would cause more issues than it would fix. In order to assist Deuce with staying true to himself while working towards his desired self, Allen does several things:
Allen lets Deuce be his 100% authentic self when they're together. Deuce tries extremely hard to always be polite and serious in order to maintain his reputation and not resort to old habits, but Allen, being very impulsive and easily angered himself, knows just too well that suppressing one's feelings and true nature isn't the way to go. When they're together, Deuce can openly rant about topics, use insults towards the people who angered him, and show his emotions without having to worry about how others perceive him or about how it might mess up his reputation — Allen would never judge Deuce nor share his secrets with others. This way, Deuce can be himself without restraints while also maintaining the way he wants others to perceive him.
Allen allows Deuce to be a delinquent in a safe, harmless way. If Deuce ever feels like doing something forbidden without breaking rules or staining his reputation, Allen (a very lowkey delinquent) has just the ideas for him. This provides a comfortable space for Deuce to live out his tendencies without falling back into bad habits.
Allen is able to introduce Deuce to a wide range of healthy coping mechanisms that work for him. Allen is a much angrier person than Deuce and is equally impulsive, but has stellar self-control due to the methods he uses, and passes them down to Deuce. As a result, Deuce doesn't feel the need to immediately lash out at others anymore and manages to become calmer and much more mature, taking steps into his desired direction.
Allen helps Deuce channel his "negative traits" into positive/helpful ones. With Allen's assistance, methods, reassuring words and unique view on things, Deuce learns how to use the qualities that he used to hate about himself to his advantage. Suddenly Deuce's anger is no longer a hindrance, but a source of energy and motivation.
Allen admires the things Deuce hates about himself. While Deuce wishes he wasn't as hot-headed, Allen views it as an amazing trait and sees the passion and longing for justice behind Deuce's fiery attitude. Additionally, Allen is able to help Deuce see the positive side of these traits, and aids him in channelling them into something good to use to his advantage (see above).
Allen is the only person to fully get through to Deuce. Due to them essentially having the same experiences, opinions, wishes and morals, Deuce felt comfortable trusting Allen with every last bit of his heart (in comparison to other friends) — not to mention that the way Allen was able to help Deuce so intensely and actually talked to him the way he needed it also played a role! Allen has his way with words and knew exactly how to talk to Deuce from the beginning.
Deuce can genuinely open up about his self-esteem to Allen. It's been heavily hinted at in the game several times that Deuce thinks incredibly lowly of himself, but this topic is usually cut short and he doesn't talk about it further with the canon Yuu. With Allen, however, Deuce can open up all he wants to. He knows that Allen has similar experiences and struggles with self-worth related issues himself, therefore not only not judging Deuce, but also fully understanding him.
Allen perfectly understands Deuce's past. Having been feared, avoided and known to be a delinquent/bad kid himself, Allen even understands the details extremely well. Neither of the two ever had a proper friend until they met each other on their first day at NRC.
Allen successfully helps Deuce with his studies despite hating school. Seeing how Deuce needs help, Allen (the "gifted kid") gladly volunteers, even though he's no longer interested in class and has sworn to drop the "honor student" facade himself. Due to Allen's easy explanations, methods, photographic memory and capability to catch on quickly, Deuce actually manages to improve his test results by 1-2 grades.
Allen's study methods are unique, which helps Deuce & is necessary for him. Being a slow learner (I also hc him to have some sort of intellectual disability), Deuce requires rather unique approaches to topics. As Allen is well-versed with both studying and psychology and also keeps Deuce's exact issues in mind, he's able to perfectly tailor methods and mnemonic bridges that actually work out for Deuce.
Allen makes sure that Deuce's desire to be a model student is & stays healthy. A fair part of Allen's trauma stems from being an honor student himself and having unrealistically high expectations regarding grades and attitude shoved down his throat by everyone at school (including himself), so he pays a lot of attention that the same doesn't happen to Deuce.
Allen respects Deuce a ton. Not only is Deuce determined, passionate, loyal, honest and eager, but he has the same core values as Allen, too. In Allen's opinion, finding someone with these traits is not only rare, but immediately makes them endearing to him.
Allen is patient with Deuce. He understands that Deuce occasionally has a difficult time processing and understanding things, and he isn't bothered by it in the slightest. This means even more when you consider that Allen is generally a very impatient person and is only able to be patient with those he truly loves and trusts.
Allen fills Deuce in when he doesn't understand something. Due to Allen being able to catch on extremely quickly, he can immediately explain things and situations to Deuce, helping him out and allowing him to get everything right from the beginning.
Allen indirectly protects Deuce. Known for being intimidating (in a good way), quick-witted, sly and a skilled schemer, most people — including those who enjoy picking on Deuce — shy away from Allen and avoid getting in trouble with his friends.
Allen stops Deuce from getting into fights. Whenever Deuce is about to get into a fight anyway, Allen gently but sternly reminds him of both his goal and the healthier coping mechanisms.
Allen understands that Deuce dislikes being picked on. Allen, being a sensitive person, hates it himself, and he actively tells off everyone who dares to make fun of Deuce or call him "Loosey Deucey". At times, Allen even gets snappy because of the inappropriate nicknames or insults directed at Deuce.
Allen inspires Deuce. Him being skilled at a variety of things and just logical in general gives Deuce the motivation to achieve the same. Deuce doesn't compare himself to Allen, either, and views him as an inspiration. If Allen can control himself and get positive things out of his negative traits, so can Deuce, right?! Not to mention that Allen is extremely tough and pulls through no matter what despite his mental and physical state...
Allen's maturity subconsciously wears off on Deuce. Even outside of the fact that Allen helps him grow and improve a lot through all the ways mentioned before, Deuce sometimes also subconsciously copies his boyfriend's mature attitude or asks himself what Allen would do in certain situations.
Allen is an advisor to Deuce. Deuce struggles with planning ahead, and Allen — a big-time overthinker who's extremely competent at scheming — is able to assist him. As a result, Deuce makes less bad decisions.
Allen loves blastcycles. Deuce can rant about them to Allen for hours, and the two often go on blastcycle dates together. Nothing is more fun than clinging onto your partner while driving at full speed!
Allen values Deuce's company like no other. Deuce regularly feels like a nobody, and Allen takes that feeling from him due to how much he connects with him and likes having him around.
BONUS: Allen is not only beautiful but also has an incredibly strong personality, drive, and determination and hasn't given up despite everything that happened to him. Deuce is a massive simp and his humongous crush on Allen has always been obvious due to how Deuce just can't shut up about him.
Allen:
Deuce loves and accepts Allen's body. As we have seen through his interactions with Azul and Epel, Deuce is very protective of people who don't fit the norm, and Allen is another such person — an intersex boy who was bullied for his unconventional body. Deuce has not only sworn to protect Allen from any possible discrimination, but also loves his body dearly and thinks he's super hot.
Deuce gives Allen a sense of stability. Allen's life was all about short-lived fake joys and prevailing negativity prior to coming to Twisted Wonderland, which made him feel disconnected from many things and people and gave him the feeling that everything is temporary anyway. However, Deuce's fierce loyalty and the strength of their relationship prove Allen wrong — yes, there can indeed be things in life that last forever.
Deuce's utter affection warms Allen's empty heart. Allen was never loved by anyone but his parents, who he thinks only love him because he's their son. Other than that, he never experienced love, affection, ... or even mere friendship. He was alone... until he met Deuce, who he somehow immediately connected with. It was as if their friendship was predestined by the universe... and with every day, Deuce's affection for Allen only grew.
Deuce genuinely admires Allen. Seeing how Allen always does his best, works hard, has ambitions and aims to improve impresses Deuce a ton. This is extremely healing for Allen, whose efforts were never properly recognized or rewarded before and who thinks that he needs to perfect at everything in order to be "someone".
Deuce makes Allen feel useful and resourceful. Allen often believes that he has no worth and could never make a change for the better no matter how much he tries, but seeing just how much he's able to help Deuce with a wide range of things proves Allen wrong — he's indeed capable of a lot of things. Not to mention that Deuce even passes some of Allen's tips down to Epel!
Deuce's honesty is refreshing to Allen. After being lied to and tricked by about anyone Allen ever knew before coming to Twisted Wonderland, Deuce's natural honesty and loyalty are an unfamiliar but utterly wonderful experience for Allen.
Deuce makes Allen feel understood. Allen often believes that others would view him as a monster if they were aware of his secret anger and opinions, but Deuce shares many of them. These two can openly talk about their values together and Allen feels extremely understood because of it — a feeling he barely ever experiences with other people.
Deuce helps Allen enjoy the moment. While he has some overthinking tendencies himself, Deuce is much more spontaneous than Allen and tends to act more on impulse. As a result, he can show his ways to Allen, allowing the overthinker to finally relax and think about his problems a little less.
Deuce doesn't hesitate to stand up for Allen. The fact that Allen was bullied for something he can't change in the past saddens and angers Deuce, and he has sworn to himself that he'll always protect his boyfriend. If there should ever be another situation where Allen gets bullied, Deuce won't hesitate to absolutely throw hands — this is not being a bad person and picking fights, it's standing up for an innocent person whose life was ruined by malice. Deuce wouldn't regret it in the slightest anymore, especially since Allen has helped him learn than anger isn't a bad thing.
Deuce helps Allen with becoming a proper mage. When Allen first gains magic during the final quarter of the school year, he has absolutely no control over it and is partially even avoided due to being a "walking health hazard". Deuce, however, sees this as the perfect time to pay Allen back for helping him study theory and decides to assist Allen with practical things. Through Deuce's determination and belief in him, Allen is able to improve much quicker than he would've without Deuce's help.
BONUS: Deuce is the warmth and honesty that Allen needs in his life. The boy's mere presence lights up Allen's day and Deuce's careful physical affection makes him feel like the most cherished person in the universe.
What else is there to them? (examples)
Both are extremely close with their families.
Due to being so similar and sharing many personality traits, loving each other so deeply allowed them to realize that they can easily love and accept themselves, too.
Deuce's previous incarnation had a crush on Allen's, who died way too early. In this life, the regrets of the past are being fixed.
Allen's the brain, Deuce is the brawn.
They're both extremely cuddly with each other.
LOTS OF COMPLIMENTS (from both sides).
Deuce often gifts Allen plushies.
Allen and Deuce are basically inseparable by now.
If you hang out with Deuce, you have to suffer through at least one tiny ramble about Allen.
...and much more that can be found on @spade-of-storms!
♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like the art & ship and are looking forward to more of them! (✿◕‿◕)
EDIT: Please do not take inspiration from this ship. ;-;
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst art#twst fanart#deuce spade#twst deuce#yuu twst#yuu twisted wonderland#twst yume#yumeship#oc x canon#my art#twisted wonderland fanart#twst mc#twst yuu#twst oc#oc twisted wonderland#allen alagona#yuu x deuce#spade of storms#deuce x oc#allen x deuce#twisted wonderland yuu#twst writing#twst drabbles#twst ships#twisted wonderland oc#twst comic#deuce fanart#twst prefect
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thinking many thoughts about a therapist reader stuck with price after he gets himself written up for mandatory anger management sessions by laswell…
he'd fight that on every level imaginable. poor reader. in storms this burly bear of a man who is uncommunicative (at best) and aggressively pacing around the room like a caged tiger, ripping apart the fundamentals of your profession (at worst).
i see Price as a mix of his traditional upbringing and someone struggling to circumvent some of the uglier aspects of these values that he doesn't believe in. on one hand, he can respect therapy as a whole. but on the other, when it comes to him and his problems, it's pseudoscience. a man of many, many contradictions. he's very much a "respect is earned, not given" kinda guy in my head and i don't think he really holds any love for what he sees as someone trying to change him (even if it's for the best).
but also. i love pairing him up with smart, ernest people. i think the juxtaposition between him (eternal grump) and them (burgeoning sunshine) is just spectacular. and his therapist having that easy-going, i'll split my hard earned cookie in half so everyone gets a piece/yes, i did bring enough gum for the whole class i'm so glad you asked! temperament would be impossible for him to deal with. anyone else and he'd just blow up. leave. throw his impressive weight around to get what he wants.
but then he's faced with this competent person (which he respects) who is just genuinely trying to help him because they see something in him that he doesn't want to admit is still there, and ahhhhhh. i'd love to see him flustered. uncomfortable. and i think that'd do it. (plus. i love throwing a person at him who is the model of his speech he gave Gaz, which i 100% believe was ALL bullshit. i think he felt Kyle slipping away and needed something to reel him back in, and also; it's Cope. he prescribed himself a serious dose of Cope, and it's so obvious. UGH. what a dumb, emotionally stunted, manipulative man. gimme him RIGHT NOW. and then you pop up and it's a slap in the face against everything he pretends to believe in!!!!)
anyway!!!! the first thing he says when meeting you would be some eclectic mix of disrespect and grumpy old man yelling at clouds.
"this might work for other people, sweetheart, but it won't work for me." and you just sit, stunned, and try to wrap your head around that.
#price: take me as i am - flaws and all - or gtfo#also price: what do you mean youre filing for a divorce because of irreconcilable differences?#i can't talk about therapist x price because ill lose my mind sorry!!!!!!!!
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•+*Forevers a long time*+•
Vi (arcane) x reader [angst-> comfort kinda..]
synopsis: Vi visits your new home before her big mission..
SEASON 2 SPOILERS KINDA!!!!
This is hard; fathoming the possibility that this may be the last time she sees you, its hard.
Vi tries her best to put up her brave walls again but when she hears your breath getting caught in your throat she realizes that its pointless "H-Hey this isn't goodbye" she says while haphazardly wiping your tears, trying to wipe her own as well, she knows that she might be lying, but for your sake she cant believe that too.
"B--But--" you start "No, I will come back, not in a box, okay?" she tries to reassure you through her shaky words wrapping her arms around you to bring you down "Vi d--don't even say that don't say that I wasn't trying to bring it up but--" hic "You cant leave, no, not right now, everything was going good before the explosion, you cant" you ramble on about how you two where finally gonna have a good life together, how her impatient self waited so long to get out of Stillwater to have a good life with you and now this? She quickly shuts you up with a soft kiss to bring you down.
"Hey--Hey Y/n breathe, breath Lovebug" she attempts to calm you down by tracing shapes into your side and kissing your cheeks, something that always works "I know, I don't like waiting for anything and we finally got here, but to make sure we keep everything we worked for I have to go, its only gonna be for a week ok and the---" you cut her off "Yeah a week where you might die!" she sighs, your right, your almost always right "Yeah, I know" she starts, pausing her motion for a split second, contemplating her life "Lovebug, you gotta understand that even if I do die, its for the greater cause, plus you know Cait, she doesn't miss, and you know me! I don't miss.. well most of the time" she chuckles while planting kisses all over your face and hairline.
When she finally gets you too stop crying she holds your hand "Tell you what.." she starts "When I come back, I'll get you that pretty promise ring you always wanted hm?" your mouth runs dry "Really Vi..?" you ask while your face flushes red "mhm' really, then I'll be yours forever, well until I really propose" she looks into your eyes, the color soothes her, it always does. You shake your head while smiling sadly "Well m' gonna hold it to you Vi, forever's a long time and I need you for that so you better come back" you say bittersweetly, still coping with the idea that your girlfriend might not come back.
"I want you to pinky promise that you'll come back Violet" 'Oh shit', she thinks you used her real name, She smiles and holds up her pinky “If I don't come back I want you too cut my pinky off for the funeral" she jokes as you interlock your fingers and lock it in with your thumbs "M' serious Vi, I need you here.. a lot of us do" you smile shyly "yeah I know" she says with a cocky smirk
Afterwards you two headed to bed and had hot and sad sesbian lex
———————————————————————————
The day after you where a mess.
You got dressed and got her ready to go "Go get her Vi, I'm sorry that its her that you have to get.." you say sadly, reminiscing on the times you and Vi hung out with powder, the times that you wanted the small girl to cherish. "She's gone Y/n, m' sorry but she is, I think I'll be ok." she takes a deep breath, realizing that in a way she's become something she never wanted to be "I know, just, be careful.." You say while admiring your tall girlfriend in the mirror thinking its weird how she's wearing the enforcer uniform, then you hear Caitlyn's knock at the door.
"I guess this is it then.." she starts but you quickly shut her down "No, we where sad yesterday, today your gonna go be the only cool ass enforcer and your gonna get her. Then your gonna come back to me like you promised" You say, determined to lighten the mood, She quickly pulls you into a deep kiss, its a goodbye kiss you know it is, but it doesn't matter to you anymore.
"Bye--Bye Vi, I'll hold up the fort while your gone"
"Bye Lovebug, I'll see you in a week"
you watch them as they leave, Vi looking back too see if you where still looking as many times as she can to make sure she can remember your face.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/n
Season 2 brings me so much sorrow I made a playlist :(
This was supposed to be like Japanese Denim by Daniel Ceaser but it didnt really come through, I'll def make a fic based off of it more in the future though.
also why is there a Vi fanfic drought????, someone pls send me some, not alot of smut tho because there is so much.
#b lossm#vi x reader#vi fluff#vi angst#arcane x reader#Arcane vi x reader#wlw#vi x y/n#vi x you#violet arcane#violet arcane x reader
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good day, author! Can I request an angst to fluff lads x reader ff where the reader was so inlove with the but they thought they love someone else. Until one day, the reader stopped and that's when they realized that it's her that they love not someone else. Sorry I know it's common and cringe but I want an angst fic 😭
ngl i really struggled to understand what was wanted here but!! i think i figured it out LMAO - i did put them all into 1 bc i just didnt see the dialogue shifting too much w what i had in my head i hope you dont mind <3
You'd never known that he was in love with you because he never acted like he was. You thought that the kindness he showed you was because he simply was that - kind. You'd never entertain the idea that he might actually have feelings for you. Sometimes you'd ask him if he was seeing anybody and he'd get a little quiet before telling you no. You don't really believe him though because whenever you'd ask him who his ideal partner is he'd get this look in his eyes you could never place before telling you that it's not something you need to worry about.
You thought that was his way of telling you he knows how you feel about him and that's how he's choosing to let you down easily. You decide that it's too difficult to be around him, telling him one day that you need to distance yourself from him. You can't admit the reason why, feeling a little humiliated by the childish way you're reacting but a big part of you simply can't help it.
You decide to push your feelings down for him, knowing that this was the only way that you could cope with the burden that is your emotions. You feel better, deciding that keeping your feelings to yourself would be the best thing to do to avoid ruining the friendship that the two of you built up so carefully. You'd never forgive yourself for losing him, telling yourself that just being beside him like this was more than enough for you.
"Why did you do that?"
You stare at the man standing on your doorstep, soaked from the rain as he stares at you intently.
"What do you mean?"
Your phone is still in hand, the message you sent him sitting on delivered.
"You can't seriously mean that, can you?"
You've never seen him like this before. You thought you'd spent enough time with him to know every emotion he's felt, to see the weight of them on his face. You could scarcely recognise the look in his eyes and your hands twitch with the need to hold his face.
"I didn't think you'd ever say something like that. Do you not know how I feel about you?"
Now his words are desperate, something you've definitely never heard from him before.
"I...I don't know what you're talking about," you mumble, averting his gaze.
"I just...I know that you have feelings for someone. I don't want to get in the way of your happiness but I'm scared that if I stay by your side I'll end up doing so by accident. I just want you to be happy."
His eyes widen slightly, shaking his head as he laughs a little bitterly.
"You really think I could feel this way about anybody but you?"
Your brain takes a moment to process what he says, staring at him.
You're about to question him, asking if he's actually serious when he leans down to press a kiss to your lips, holding you in his arms tightly.
"It's you," he mutters softly against your lips.
"It's always been you."
#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#l&ds zayne x reader#l&ds xavier x reader#l&ds rafayel x reader#l&ds sylus x reader#lads zayne x reader#lads xavier x reader#lads rafayel x reader#lads sylus x reader#lnds zayne x reader#lnds xavier x reader#lnds rafayel x reader#lnds sylus x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader
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You Hate Me
Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader
Sooooo I wrote this one morning when even just laying down had my knees hurting and I was like,, well what if Tav had that too? Also inspired by the fact I get to campus an hour early and still try to rush to the (empty) classroom instead of, ya know, taking advantage of the huge time buffer I give myself
Warnings: swearing, descriptions of joint pain, insecurity, crying, possibly OOC, clown mention
Word Count: 1,545
Masterlist
AO3
Just a bit further. A little further and then you could rest. If you make it to that tree - make it to that tree and you can sit down. Just a bit left to go.
It started almost a week ago. Unable to cope with all the traveling, your right knee started bothering you. With every step you could feel your kneecap shifting back and forth with a dull click. Then, it started to hurt. Nothing serious. If you walked slow enough, you could avoid it. But now every step sent shocks of pain up your entire leg. Your left knee joined the party this morning, removing any sense of relief you had while walking. Even sitting down didn't remove the pain, but you couldn't afford a day off.
Your companions noticed the changes, despite your best effort not to show any outward discomfort. You moved slower, the occasional grimace slipped through, they weren't traveling quite as far. You consider asking Shadowheart for anything that could ease the pain, but you already knew there was little she could do to help. So you grit your teeth and kept going.
Your foot stepped on uneven ground and you nearly dropped from the agony that shot through your whole body. Karlach worried you might actually just collapse. But you kept going.
Astarion couldn't bear it. None of them could - they hated seeing their intrepid leader fight their own body just to go a few more feet - but your struggle settled like a boulder in his stomach. Every time your face scrunched up, every hiss of your sharp inhales, felt like someone had stabbed a knife in his chest and was twisting it ever deeper. He hated the feeling.
With only a few long strides, he slipped from the back of the group to the front, walking alongside you. He had to change his normal gait just so he didn't surpass you. "Darling," he hummed quietly, just loud enough to keep the conversation between you two, "you should rest."
You shook your head. You didn't even spare him a glance. Your eyes didn't shift from the tree. "We're almost there," you dismiss. It's slightly breathless. Despite needing to walk slow to avoid the pain, you were pushing to go faster.
He tsked. "And how far do we still have left to go?" He tilted his head as he looked at you, already knowing whatever distance you said would be too far.
You nodded to a tree dead ahead. "Once we reach that birch, we can rest."
"That birch?" He pointed. "The birch tree that's nearly half a mile away?"
He could feel you bristle with his incredulous tone, but you didn't say anything.
He scoffed. "My dear, I can be stubborn at the best of times, but this is ridiculous! You're barely staying upright as it is."
"I'm fine-"
"No, you're not," he sharply cuts you off. He grabs your arm and pulls you to a stop, holding you there with enough force that you wouldn't slip out and keep going. You refuse to look at him even now. "You're wincing, your hands have been clenched for the last mile, and you keep stumbling. The tree will still be there if you just sit down for a minute."
The rest of the party watches from a distance. Far enough away they can just make out what Astarion's saying, especially as his voice rises in pitch the more frustrated he gets.
Standing still hurts. It's hard to say if it hurts more or less than walking; it just hurts. Your face is pinched as sharp jolts run up through your joints, like someone is poking you with a sewing needle. Walking, you decide, must be better than this.
"It's not that far," you insist, voice low. "And when we get there, we can-"
"Gods above, you're impossible! Fine. Fine! You want to get to that tree, fine." He lets go of your arm.
Before you can even take a step, he's sweeping you into his arms, supporting you with one arm under your back and the other hooked under your knees. The pressure hurts for a moment, but it quickly fades away. The lingering aches are from pushing yourself too hard. He begins marching once more toward your end goal.
You want to shout, to demand he put you down. But when you look up at his face, his eyes are sharper than usual, lips pulled into a tight frown and crease forming between his eyebrows. He's angry.
He's angry with you.
The words die in your throat. You hate being so dependent. You were the leader - you needed to be strong and fearless and without weakness. To receive help feels like someone plunging their hand between your ribs and stealing away a chunk of your worth. But seeing Astarion upset, upset with you, that stings far worse.
You avoid looking over his shoulder. You could just imagine their faces. How Lae'zel would scowl at you for being weak. How Gale's face would turn somber when he realizes you're not as capable as he thought. You couldn't bear it. So you press your forehead to Astarion's neck and stare at your lap.
There's an unwelcome burn at the back of your eyes. Shame floods your chest and crawls up your throat until it chokes you. Water pools along your lower lids and blurs your vision. You can't walk and now you're going to cry. Just how fucking pathetic can you be?
Astarion's head shifts and you can tell he's trying to look down at you. He's trying to see your face. Because he can feel you shaking in his arms. He can hear your lungs quivering as your breaths become uneven and choppy. You press your closed eyes against his throat and he can feel the hot tears against his skin.
His frown softens, though you can't see it. He slows down to a stop and tells the others to go on ahead, to the birch tree just there, and start working on setting up camp, but all you can hear is your heart pounding in your ears. Their faces become fraught with worry; Karlach is the last to go. She still looks back once or twice. Astarion finds a suitable rock and he sits.
"Shh, sweet thing," he cooes, voice no louder than a whisper. His arm around your back pulls you into his shoulder, hand tangling in your hair as he cradles you. His other hand rubs soothing circles along your thigh. You gasp around a sob, body curling further into itself, into him, as you release your emotions. "It's alright."
You strangle out an apology. It's wet and croaky and painful.
"Whatever for?" he asks.
"You're mad at me," you whimper.
He huffs. The frustration from before rises in him again just thinking about it. "Yes, I am."
He feels your breath catch in your throat, and the heaving breath you take after. "You hate me."
Astarion laughs, short and sharp. "Why would I hate you, dear? Because you're too stubborn for your own good?" You don't have a response for him. He kisses your head, wherever he can reach. "I'm mad because you put yourself out trying to solve all of our issues, but the moment you have one of your own, you refuse any help. You're going to tear yourself apart."
He sighs and rests his cheek atop your head. His fingers rub the nape of your neck, gently tugging at the hair there. You carry so much tension, it's a wonder your muscles haven't locked up from the stress.
Time passes slowly in his arms. It seems to take forever before you start to calm down, and even longer before your eyes have dried. He does nothing to speed the process aside from gently hush you when you try to choke out apologies.
You sniffle quietly. Your eyes are raw, and you're all too aware of the stain of water you've left on the vampire's neck. When you speak, it's a painful creak in your vocal chords. "You don't hate me?"
He presses another kiss to your head. "No, love, I don't hate you. Not unless you've done something truly horrific, like invite a clown to show up at camp in the middle of the night." You chuckle weakly. It's such sweet music. "Gods forbid you start donating to charity." You laugh this time, and Astarion's chuckle vibrates against your ear.
His fingers detangle themselves from your hair with one last gentle tug, and his arm wraps around your back once more. As though you weigh no more than one of his pillows, he stands once more with you in his safe grasp, and begins heading for camp. He can see Karlach up ahead light up when she sees you're finally on your way.
"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I just feel so... useless, like this."
"Please, stop apologizing," he begs, dramatically. "Just say 'thank you' and we can move on."
You peel your face from his skin, dried tears sticking you together. You wince at how disgusting this must be for him. You lean up and kiss his cheek. He smiles at the affection. "Thank you."
Softer, he says, "Of course, my love."
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