#I'm repeating to myself that just trying IS more than enough but i still feel terrible despite knowing it's true

[sysig]

Physical media is forever (Patreon)

[cro0kedme]

People often told me that as long as I tried my best, even if I failed, it'd be okay because at least I gave it my best shot and like. Yeah okay I get what they meant by that but holy shit did it fuck me up for a lot of my life. I constantly was yelling at myself for not trying hard enough in any and everything, especially school. Especially especially before my ADHD diagnosis. I didn't realize until pretty recently that my best shot is not something I can force out. That just trying at all was more than good enough. And just because I didn't give something my best doesn't mean I didn't care or deserved less than others. It was just genuinely difficult to even get up to try. Because just trying is more than enough. I just didn't realize it then.

[is-this-fascism]

Please help me survive and escape homelessness.

GFM

KF

CA

I want to be safe by the winter of 2025.

I'm having a difficult time fundraising for my van. Repeated car troubles and various other unexpected issues have eaten into my savings multiple times, and while in a slump I wasn't making as many posts about my situation and I got significantly less donations over the last ~6 weeks on both my gofundme and my kofi/cashapp. While I've 'regained' a lot of what I lost, I've been spending about as much as is coming in. Aside from one instance, my emergency expenses were eaten by my fundraiser savings, which was then gained back about as quickly as I was spending it on my daily expenses. I still haven't reached the goal for the recent $1000 I had to spend on my car.

So far I've lost $2,200 of the $3,100 that's shown on the GFM. I'll be updating the fundraiser to reflect the loss.

I'm autistic and struggle just to meet my basic needs, and despite that I've been denied disability income multiple times. Failing to hold a job (and developing PTSD symptoms from my time being employed), and let down and abandoned by anyone who could support me, I'm left with few resources and few options. I try to make posts when I'm in a good mood, or keep people updated when I'm in a bad mood. I make videos on YouTube, hoping eventually I can show people what their money has gotten for me.

On a good month, I only spend about $600, leaving me some space to save the donations I was previously getting. With winter and the holidays coming, I'm not sure I'll be getting as much money as the warmer months, and I'll be spending more on keeping myself warm and fed over the winter. It will be more like $800/mo now. The only real solution is getting more money than I'm spending, as I'm already spending as little as I safely can.

I'll only take financial advice from someone who has lowered their expenses below mine, with the same disabilities and circumstances as me. What I need is more money, and I don't always have the energy to pay back with art and things like that. I don't even always have the energy to post my pleas for help. I don't have a sponsor to help me make these posts.

I'm in a low energy mode because what can I do with no money? In a state where I have to spend as little as possible, see such slow results, see most of it taken by things outside my control, and somehow keep up hope that this will work?

When I feel safe and have adequate shelter in a van, I'll be able to REST. And then start working harder and making more money one way or another. Whether you think I should suck it up and get a job or you want to see me become a content creator, I need money for any kind of opportunity and I'm just not getting enough.

So, thank you to everyone who's suppported me so far. Thank you to the repeat supports. I'm sorry I had to spend your money on other things. Thank you to the person who covered most of a huge expense I was stressing about a couple months ago. Thank you to the person who sent me $200 to get a hotel and told me to take care of my mental health before saving anything. Thank you to the blogs that have featured my fundraiser in your posts. Thank you to everyone who keeps boosting and cheering me on even though you can't support financially.

I don't know what else I can do to get more people like that to see me. There are so many options on the internet, but it's still a daunting task and as much as I can't really afford to rest, I have to sometimes. Often, in fact.

Please keep boosting this post until my goal is really met. Until I can spend more than $600 a month and actually earn your money rather than beg for it.

[ddejavvu]

the party’s long been over, and hugh is trying his hardest not to give into the not-so-subtle advances coming from his best friend’s drunk daughter. maybe he gets a little protective and even scolds her over how drunk and stupid she is. he doesn’t stop lecturing her even when he fingers her to shut her up.

send me dbf!hugh jackman thoughts!

this post is 18+, minors dni.

contents/warnings: dbf!hugh jackman, dubcon (reader is tipsy), don't like don't read.

this is a little more soft than it is mean but i couldn't help myself I'm sorry </3

god i nearly came. i'm picturing him all spread out on the couch, he'd been watching whatever was on tv but now that you've cornered him and sat on his lap he's trying his hardest to refocus his attention there. you're draped all over his lap, and he's getting hard from the way you're squirming on his lap but he's trying to will it away because he doesn't wanna be the douchebag who takes advantage of the younger woman.

you're begging for it, kissing relentlessly at his mouth while his hands frame your hips, holding you steady but not pushing you away like he knows he should. He's not kissing you back, or maybe he is, but it's almost imperceptible, nothing more than a soft tilt of his head or a sigh against your mouth as he thinks about giving in and licking against your lips.

"Please. Please, I want you, and I- I don't care about my dad. He- he doesn't have to know." You plead, hands braced on his chest as you peck his lips between every few words, "No one does, I- it can just be us, just one time, just- just for tonight, please?"

"You're drunk. You're drunk, honey, and that's not fair." He murmurs, and you take advantage of the way his lips move to form the words as you kiss him more vigorously, "I can't do that to you. Even if you weren't- I'm older than you, and I couldn't-"

"You can! I want you to," You nearly sob, face screwed up and chin wobbling as you grind desperately onto his chubbed up bulge, "Please, just once! Just once, I need- I need you, I need something so- aagh! so bad!"

"I can't do that to you." He insists, but his cock is steadily betraying him as it stiffens under your ministrations. He wants nothing more than to just give in but he can't, he'd feel dirty, tainted, perverted.

His heart aches, physically aches as you lay flush against him, writhing with need as he watches on.

"I can't fuck you." He repeats, raising a hand to cup your cheek, "Sweetheart, we can't do this. Not- not now, not like this, m'kay? Wait 'til morning." He croons, trying to placate you, but when you take his hand in your own he realizes that his resolve is weakening- maybe he can offer you something.

He's defeatedly still, and he should pull his hand away when you desperately grab onto it, but he doesn't. You bring it between your legs and press it to your cunt- he can feel the warmth even through your panties.

"I shouldn't," He tries again, but his hand seems to move of its own accord, betraying the rest of him as it slowly eases its way beneath your soaked panties and rubs gently, experimentally at the entrance of your cunt. You're wet in a way that suggests you've been needy all day, and he takes that as solace if it means you were stone cold sober when this all began.

"We shouldn't be doing this, sweetheart." He hums, leaning down to press a pointlessly chaste kiss to your head where you've nestled it into his chest. Despite his words he drags a thick finger through your pussy, adding a second when it's clear you don't need to be prepped.

"I love you." You whine pathetically, craning your neck upwards to stare at him through the sheen of barely-there tears in your eyes. You cling onto his arm to ensure that his fingers stay buried in your cunt and you kiss messily at his chin when you can't quite reach his lower lip.

"You're drunk." This time it's a scold, a light one but a scold all the same as he lets you rub yourself on his fingers, "Just because you're old enough to drink doesn't mean you need to do it like this, hm? Now if you weren't like this things could be different. I could give you more."

"I want more," You whimper, squirming on his lap and tugging his hand impossibly closer as you grind on it, "Please- please?"

"Not now." He hums, using his other hand to settle you down against his chest again while his wrist aches slightly at the contorted position you're holding it in. "After this you're going to bed. And we'll talk in the morning."

"I'll still love you in the morning. I have for a long time." You warn him, words muffled against the shirt over his chest.

He chooses not to respond- he's not sure how he could say anything that would properly sum up his feelings as he rubs his fingers through your cunt- but he knows at the very least that the feelings he can't put into words are truthful, and they'll remain in the morning even if yours don't.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[mofongomuncher]

𝘼 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧

POV: Telling Ekko you’re pregnant

Im gonna be posting a bunch of lil Ekko oneshots on Wattpad, I feel like this man doesn’t get enough stories and it irkssss me sm. So if you’d like to read more the link is at the end!!

I'm not all that good at writing, I’m also doing this for fun so please go easy on me. I'm hoping to get better as I keep writing. But I still hope you guys enjoy it!! :3

.

The Firelight base, hidden among the green thick fogs of Zaun, was Ekko's haven. A quiet—peaceful place from the chaos of the Undercity.

His little room at the top of his tree was where he could think, when the weight of leadership felt too heavy—he could sit, take a moment for himself for a little bit.

His room was filled with unfinished projects, blueprints and tools scattered all across his workbench, The lanterns and candles cast a soft, wam glow over the space, giving it a calming, almost ethereal atmosphere.

But tonight...tonight felt different.

Tonight, there was something heavy in the air.

Y/N sat on the edge of his bed, She had something she needed to say. Something that had been on her mind for days now. But the thought of how Ekko would react to it made her heart race like hell.

Ekko was seated at his workbench, tinkering with a device, his brows furrowed in concentration. When Y/N finally spoke, her voice barely rose above a whisper, it stopped him cold.

"Ekko," she began, and when he turned, the look on his face shifted. His precious brown eyes locked onto hers, and for a moment, she saw his guard come down, just a fraction.

He stood, his usual cool confidence flickering for just an instant. "What's up doll? You've been acting different... is something wrong?"

Y/N hesitated.

Fuck This wasn't easy.

How do you tell someone you love so much that their life is about to change forever?

But she couldn't keep it to herself anymore.

"Ekko...I'm pregnant."

Ekko froze. His expression was unreadable for a second before his eyes narrowed, brows drawing together. His mind that was always fast, was now working overtime, processing what the hell she just said.

For a second, the silence felt like a punch to the gut, the weight of his thoughts pressing down on both of them.

"You're... pregnant?" He repeated, his voice low, almost to himself, like he wasn't sure whether to believe it or not. He just stood there, trying to find something to say but was unable to form the words just yet.

Y/N nodded, swallowing hard.

"I found out a little while ago. I just didn't know how to tell you. Hell, I didn't even know how to process it myself."

Ekko rubbed his forehead, He was silent for a moment longer before he spoke, his voice rougher than usual, but it was tinged with concern. "I... I'm not sure what to do with this Y/N...Fuck...I didn't even expect to see this coming.."

Y/N's heart clenched at the uncertainty in his voice. She had been afraid of this, of him not knowing how to react.

she took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady. "I didn't expect this either. I'm scared too Ekko. But I don't—I can't to do this alone. I need you."

Ekko didn't move right away, his gaze still locked on her. His hands fidgeted with a loose gear on the workbench, his mind was clearly in a battle between his responsibilities and the unexpected future baby unfolding in front of him.

"Damn..." he muttered, shaking his head, his usual confident demeanor cracked for a moment.

"...I—I don't even know what kind of father I'd be. I barely have time to think straight with everything that's going on lately." His voice softened, but it was raw, honest—Ekko was always the kind of person who wasn't afraid to show what he was feeling around me, even if it made him vulnerable.

"But I'm not gonna back down from it..."                   "Not from you."

Y/N felt the tension in her chest start to melt away as he spoke.

She stepped closer, her eyes softening, the relief obvious in her expression.

Ekko's eyes softened as he took a step closer, his hand gently cupping her face. "Whatever happens next, we'll figure it out..Like we always do." His smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads brushing together. He seemed to take a moment to just soak it all in, before speaking again, softer this time.

"I love you Y/N."

Y/N's smile softened, feeling her heart swell. But before she could say anything, Ekko's voice had that hint of excitement. "And I'm gonna love our baby too. I'll teach 'em alll the important stuff."

He leaned back a bit, his eyes sparkling with affection. "Can you imagine? A little mini us running around just causing all the trouble, and I'm the one trying to keep it all together while you just—well, you'll be egging 'em on won't you?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a playful grin. "Oh absolutely! That little ball of happiness is gonna have all of your genius and a whole lot of my sass... We'll have a little firecracker on our hands."

Ekko's grin grew, the playful energy between them settling into something warm and steady. "They'll be perfect." He stepped in, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, then slowly brushing his lips against hers in a gentle, lingering kiss.

When they pulled away, he smiled, his hand gently resting on her cheek. "And if they're half as amazing as you, we'll be just fine."

Y/N's heart fluttered, her smile growing as she met his eyes. "I love you Ekko."

"I love you too Y/N"

[fanbasetwo]

✦ WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST IN ZEROBASEONE !!

001. PAIRING , zb1 × afab reader

002. GENRE , fluff, headcannon, scenario

ZEROBASEONE MASTERLIST !!

#01. HANBIN . . . ✦

Hanbin literally tops. Not only is he the leader of the group but has a confident personality. Never seen him do dance challenges with female idols where he is shy, he's mostly confident and would most probably won't even mind confessing his love for you. It doesn't matter if you say it back, as long as he's said it—he feels the wait off of his chest. But if you do say it back, he'll pamper you with kisses.

#02. MATTHEW . . . ✦

Although he seems shy and all cute at first, he seems the type to love-love. Would fear rejection but would also not be able to keep his feelings inside himself and will for sure spill the tea all out. He'd probably say the first ‘I love you’ when it had been just a week and though this might seem like a red flag to some... he just genuinely loved you and couldn't help himself from saying it out to you.

#03. ZHANG HAO . . . ✦

You'd be stupid if you'd expect a leo to be shy in a relationship. Sure there would be times when he'd be the one shy and hiding his face but when it would come to saying ‘I love you’, he won't miss the chance to say it first. Don't mind though, if you give him enough consent he might even lean in to kiss you on the lips.

#04. GYUVIN . . . ✦

Eh eh eh... Gyuvin is a playful one and though he's not the type to say it first. He might practice saying it in front of his mirror but even so, he will only say it if it's been over a few months and you two still haven't shared the ‘I love you’s couples were normally supposed to do. He will try to be romantic but will end up sounding awkward and frustrated, so much that you'd have to ask to make sure that he was in the right mind when he had said that.

#05. JIWOONG . . . ✦

He's shy (so babygirl coded aghhhhh). Even though he has kissed in a kdrama, boy would be more shy than his members. He would hope that you would eventually say ‘I love you’ to him first but when you were just as shy as him and maybe even more, only then will he agree to take the lead and say it. Will bury his face in his palms and won't look at you until you do say it back or else it'll be a embarrassing moment for him.

#06. GUNWOOK . . . ✦

He won't say it first even if he can and wants to. That is because he wants to know if you will ever say it first. But again, when he least expects it—he’ll be shy upon hearing an ‘I love you’ directed at him. That too by the one he loves so much. But if he gets an opportunity where the two of you are in the moment, he will definitely go for it and say it first.

#07. RICKY . . . ✦

I know you were expecting to see him on top but let's be honest. You won't like a bull (taurus) to say ‘I love you’ first. And I'm not saying it just so—it’s because Ricky would most probably ruin the moment by saying something else. He's stubborn as heck, so he won't be saying it first but will definitely say it back if you do.

#08. TAERAE . . . ✦

Taerae is not going to say it first. He'd go to his friends for advice, asking how to say ‘I love you’ first. Maybe even go on reddit or quora or other websites he could find. After getting all the moral support he will not say 143 first. It's not because he doesn't love you. But it's because he's too shy to do so, so much that it would hurt him and you at times.

#09. YUJIN . . . ✦

Trust me or not, I'm not putting Yujin at last because he's the maknae. It's because as a pisces myself I can relate to Yujin at times. Even on the boys planet, he was shown as the sensitive and shy typa guy. Which I strongly believe is so close to his real personality. He will NEVER. I repeat. NEVER EVER say I love you first. He's too nervous and shy for that.

NOTE FROM SENA , just realised this is my first zb1 fluff aghhhhh. and I deeply apologize if the reference to zodiac signs is annoying (because I believe it was) might try to use them less when making upcoming ‘most likely to’ works <3

© 2024 , all rights reserved to fanbasetwo !

[heavywithourbabies]

First off, I'm a guy. So there's that.....

Ok, making one of those little intro pieces so you can get to know a little about me. This tumblr page is nothing more than the ravings of an obsessed lunatic hiding away from the world. My only real kinks are Breeding, Lactation, and the biggest pregnancy fetish you can imagine. (Please take note, I am not sexually into Birth. I am all for fucking so hard your water breaks, sucking on your nipples, rubbing the belly and giving gentle head during contractions, etc. As soon as the baby is in the birth canal, I'm going full on daddy mode. Horny time is over. Anyone else feel the same?)

I am a 40 year old man and I am very attracted to women. In particular, I am aroused by thick, extra curvy, big ass having women. I am feral for HEAVILY pregnant women. I have tons of reasons why but at it's core, I believe it is the ultimate form of femininity. There's nothing more womanly than having a gravid belly heavy with child. Even the phrase "heavy with child" weirdly turns me on.

I'm also very very much turned on by all the side effects of pregnancy including big dark engorged nipples, stretch marks everywhere, not just the belly, the little treasure trail some women get, the bigger hips, your face getting chubby, and a very swollen vagina. That all said, I'm not into Morning Sickness. wakka wakka.

I fully support the LGTBTQ community. I just can't keep track of all the new names and terms. I blame my shitty memoir on wasting my twenties drinking. But I totally support it. be who you want to be and love who you want to love. This life is rough enough without people being shitty to you for your basic human needs.

I am utter devotee to horror movies, and I live for the month of October. Halloween is the greatest day of the year. If you don't like Halloween...... honestly, who are you? Who the fuck hates Halloween? I love the art form of sequential art (comic books) and my favorite Character is Venom from Marvel Comics. I would literally kill to get a chance to write for Venom. Marvel will NOT return my phone calls.

I still write stuff (a lot of half started scripts and abandoned graphic novel ideas mostly) and I will and often shamelessly promote myself and the written erotic stuff I create on here. Enjoy my sexually frustrated ramblings and badly edited prose. Remember kids, it's free.

I am a lonely werewolf hopelessly howling at the moon.

I say love who you gotta love. Do what you need to do. Try to have fun and just don't hurt other people.

I was born in Canada and raised in the States. Toronto is the old country and Denver was home base. Currently in the windy city.

NO MINORS. Seriously, get the hell out of my joint! THIS BLOG IN NO WAY ENDORSES, PROMOTES, OR ENCOURAGES ANY HEINOUS USE OF MINORS. I honestly struggle talking to people under the age of twenty five. I hope I don't have to repeat any of that.

Any Trump supporters who follow my page, I would also ask you to leave. There's nothing here for you at this establishment.

Need to know anything else? Feel free to ask.

-The ghost host with the most, the ghoul that'll make your lady parts drool, and every other terrible joke I can think of.

[cherryswisherz]

ITS BEEN A WHILE

♱ CONTAINS: smut, aubrey strap game on 10

♱ NIYAHSPEAKS: ahem... hey yalll !

"i'ma ned you deeper than six, it's not a coffin"

sex with me (rihanna, 2006)

♱♱♱♱

"aubrey, you've lost your rabbit ass mind if you think that is going inside of me."

laying in our bed, fully ready to have hot, sweaty, sex with my hot, sweaty, sexy girlfriend, i was thrown off when she pulled away from our kiss to ask me a question. 

"you still want the strap baby?"

do i want the straaaaap????

the fuck kinda question is that??

"yes, please." i nodded my head. 

the smile that grew on her perfect fucking face was doing things to me as usual, but when i saw her walk into that closet in nothing but her briefs?

BAM! pussy flooded.

but as i waited for her to get what she needed, my mind started running. 

i haven't had anything but fingers since junior year of highschool.... im a senior in college.

how much do i need to prepare myself?

is she just gonna go for it or is she gonna make this easier for me?

but when i saw her walk out of that closet with the harness around her waist and the length of the strap the only thought i could form is... 

HO IS U COO????

which brings us to my first statement. 

"aubrey, you've lost your rabbit ass mind if you think that is going inside of me."

and this girl had the AUDACITY to giggle as my frustration. "you talk allat shit but can't take dick?" 

"its been awhile bro, that shit's gonna hurt." i said sitting up on my elbows and fully looking at the length of her..... enhancement. 

its big. not ridiculously big, but big enough to make me question why the fuck was i the one that suggested we do this.

suddenly, aubreys long-legged ass is stalking towards me and laying besides me, strapless. 

when the fuck did she take it off?

her hands move a curl from my face, and her dark brown eyes lock with my even darker brown eyes. 

"you really think i'd hurt you?" she spoke so softly, i remembered who i'm dating. 

" i know you wouldn't."

"so why you scared?"

"i'm not scared... more nervous."

her soft lips meet mine for a second before she says "i got you." 

and all i could do was nod because i knew she was telling the truth. 

but she didn't get up. 

she kissed me. deeply. slipping her tongue into my mouth and slipping her hand down the front of my body, leaving a trail of pure heat on her wake.

and i was wet, practically dripping as i unconsciously spread my legs for her. i was a mess, and it was honestly embarrassing. 

everyone else knew me as aubrey's loud, smart mouth girlfriend, but when it was just us two? when aubrey and i were all over each other, the only thing i could think about was her mouth on mine, my mouth on hers, my everything on hers.

i must have been moaning too much because aubrey slid two of her fingers past my lips, silencing me as her teeth scraped my nipple. 

but even with my mouth full of her slender digits, i sucked in a gasp when i felt her bare knee slid between my legs, relieve a fraction of the frustration that was building in my core. i dug my nails into her shoulder and tried my hardest not to bite her fingers off. i didn't hesitate to grind into her knee like a bitch in heat, trying to give aid to my aching clit. but it wasn't enough. i needed more. and i had no problem asking for it.

"more.." i whined but my demand was muffled by her fingers so after she removed them, i repeated myself. "more, aubrey-

i was cut off by my own moan when her perfect lips attached to my clit and sucked. my eyes rolled shut as i arched up into her, feeling my legs practically tremble when her tongue started circling my click with the speed that always drove me insane. 

"fuck- yes, right there-" a plethora of loud moans left me when she sucked even harder. "oh my god, right there, please..."

aubrey hummed into me, vibratinf my core and managing to send me further to my peak.

and right when my legs tangled around her shoulders and my nails gripped the sheets for dear fucking life, she pulled away. 

i squeezed the sheets even harder as  panted. "aubrey," i eyed her as she licked her lips. 

"yes, love?" she question as if everything as peaches and fucking cream. 

"i wasn't do- where the fuck are you going?" i asked as she got up from the bed and walked away. but my question was answered as i watched her put the strap back on and climb on top of me. 

i didn't have time to question anything because her lips crashed onto mine and my brain became foggy. 

"if you need to pause, or stop just tell me. okay?" aubrey reassured me. 

this is why i loved this hoe. 

i nodded and she captured my lips in hers again. 

i gasped and squeezed my eyes shut as i felt the tip push into my entrance, and at that moment i instantly understood why she didn't let cum earlier. i was soaked. so wet that i barely felt the friction as she slid into me. and i was so sensitive and desperate for a release that i couldn't even focus on the stinging feeling of being stretched out as she slowly pushed all the way in. 

she was so deep. i felt so full. i don't remember it being like this. i wanted more. no, i needed more. i opened my eyes and met aubreys as she searched my face for and sign that i didn't want to continue. 

i wish the fuck she would stop right now. 

i wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and brought her down for a deep kiss to let her know that i was okay, and i wanted her to keeping going. 

she started slow, letting me get used to the feeling. and trust that when i did, i couldn't get enough. 

i grinded my hips to meet her strokes, even though we were in missionary. and aubrey quickly picked up on the fact that i was ready for the real thing because she untangled one of my legs from her waist and pushed my knee to my chest, hitting a spot that drove me fucking insane. 

my eyes rolled shut as she picked up her pace and began drilling into me, her free hand meeting my clit. touching pieces of me that i forgot existed, digging her nails in my calf, sucking that spot on my neck. 

 as moans and whimpers poured from my lips, i felt like a mad woman. like i had to be going crazy. there was no way it was possible to feel this fucking good. 

it all was becoming too much, too fast. i felt that knot in my stomach grow tighter and all i could to was scream, but when my mouth opened, nothing came out. my legs were trembling and my hand grasped at whatever they could as my back arched off the bed. 

i heard aubrey talking me through it but she sounded like she was underwater. i was on another planet right now, riding my orgasm out. 

i didn't come down until i felt aubrey pulling out of me, saw her tossing the strap to the side, and heard her whispering in my ear. 

"you did so good for me."

i just laughed as i tried to find my breath. 

"we are for sure doing that again."

♱TAGLIST: @patscorner @riyahatnight @mattslolita @thaatdigitaldiary

[transmascpetewentz]

hey so. can we all agree to stop saying "asperger's syndrome".

the arguments have been made already for why the term is offensive to autistic people as a general whole, so i'm not going to repeat them here. what i want to focus on is the less talked about issue with the fact that we as a community still use this word.

there is literally no excuse for any person, but especially jewish & romani people, to have their medical condition named after a fucking nazi who tried to genocide their ancestors. ZERO.

and before i get a ton of people in the replies trying to make excuses, let me pre-emptively answer the most common replies i know i'm going to get.

"ohhhh no but it's sooooo hard for me to switch my language, it's only been ten years since the dsm five came out!!!!!"

boo hoo, it's hard for you to use a different word after over ten years of the dsm five removing asperger's as a diagnosis. it must be soooo much more difficult to give a single shit about jews and roma than the experiences of jews and roma who went through a genocide and are still facing violence to this day /s

"but i'm an aspie and i get to reclaim that word if i want!!!!!"

yeah, the term asperger's syndrome is offensive both to autistic people who fall under the criteria and to autistic people that don't. but do you know who else that term is offensive to? the people who went through a genocide. unless you are jewish or romani i don't want to hear it.

"but i was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome before the dsm five came out!!!!!"

see the above two points about how not continuing to glorify genocide is more important than keeping the same words we've always used for things. it's fine to say you were diagnosed with asperger's, but you do not have "asperger's", you have autism (or are autistic if that's the language you prefer).

"but i didn't know that asperger was a nazi!!!"

well, now you do.

"but naming a medical condition after someone doesn't necessarily glorify them!!!!"

would you apply this logic to literally any other field of science? if we decided to name an element after a nazi, people would rightfully be angry. people have been calling for years to rename a beetle named after a nazi. if you name a medical condition after someone, that generally means one of two things: the person was a very important and good researcher in the field, or the person was a notable person who had the medical condition. this might be a hot take, but i don't think that a nazi scientist working for the nazis should ever be considered the best and most important early researcher in any field to be deserving of having a discovery named after them.

"but you can't speak for all jews!!! look, you aren't even jewish yet, it says that on your profile!!!!"

no, i cannot speak for all jews. but i am speaking for myself when i say that all of your (general) excuses have stopped working, and that y'all need to put others' needs above your feelings sometimes. during the writing of this post, i spoke to other jews who have made posts about this before, but y'all continue to ignore jewish voices and make excuses for yourselves when it really isn't that hard to just stop saying a word.

"you're being ableist by telling me, an autistic person, how i can and cannot identify!!!!!"

i'm writing this post as someone who is autistic and would have been diagnosed with "asperger's syndrome" had i gotten my diagnosis before the dsm five came out. being autistic is no excuse for being racist, antisemitic, or any other bigotry. autistic non-jews have continuously spoken over autistic jews on many issues, including this one, and guys, it is not that hard to care about jews and roma enough to make this tiny change to your vocabulary.

i hope all of this has been enough to ward off some of the responses that i'm going to get to this post. i'm willing to engage in good faith if you're genuinely ignorant or confused, but if you have read this post, you no longer get to say that you "didn't know" that hans asperger was a nazi and that we shouldn't name any medical condition, but especially one that many jews and roma have, after people who committed genocide.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: told myself to slow down, didn’t.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You finish your cocktail before you go into the concert hall. Roxie grabs a third and you pass, not wanting to run back and forth to the bathroom. Besides, you don’t really like the way the vodka stirs in your stomach and little behind your eyes.

The band is decent. You don’t know any of the songs and only vaguely heard of the artist they are a tribute to. Still, you enjoy the live show; you focus on their instruments and how they use them. You always wanted to be musical but never had a sense of tone or melody.

By the end of the set, you’re yawning. Your sister is on her fourth drink and you can’t tell if she’s swaying to the music or if it’s more than that. As the rows empty, you shuffle out with the rest of the concert goers. The bright lights of the casino greet your squint and your ears pulse slightly from the noise of the strumming and crashing show.

“Mm, so, what’d’ya say?” Your sister makes almost every word into one, “how do we spend this?”

She fishes out the chip and you give a sheepish frown. You almost forgot about it. You still think you should turn it in. You don’t feel right spending someone else’s money. You do that often enough, much too old to be living off your mom.

“Don’t be boring,” she warns, “jeez. It’s just cards. Odds are, whoever dropped it, would’ve lost it to the house anyway.”

She claps her hand around your shoulder. You pull back the sleeve of your cardigan to check the time. It’s after ten! You haven’t been out that late since... ever.

“I’m not boring,” you cross your arms and shrug her off. “I just... am different than you.”

“Boring,” she repeats. “You can’t spend all day in your room.”

Yes, you can. And you do.

You don’t argue. When she’s like this, it’s only bound to become a scene. There are too many strangers around for that.

“Black jack,” she declares and spins the coin. It slips from her grasp and falls between her feet. She bends over shamelessly in her dress to pluck it up. “Come on, let’s clean up.”

She struts ahead and you shuffle after her, nervously wringing the strap of your purse. Hopefully she loses it quickly and you can just retreat home in defeat. You catch up to her as she reaches the stairs. She giggles as she leans on the railing and you take her other arm, trying to support her wobbly steps.

“Want another drink?” She asks.

“No, think we’re good.”

“We?” She scoffs, “I’m fine.”

“Please, Rox, let’s just find a table,” you peek around as her voice rises a bit louder than you like.

“Pfft, fine, but if I win, I'm getting a drink.”

You nod. Go along to get along. That’s what your mother always told you when it came to your sister. She’s more like your father than she cares to admit.

You get to a table and she sits easily on the high seat of the tall stool. She lays down the single chip and the dealer offers to break it into smaller ones. She nods and shrugs. You envy how smoothly she just breezes through things.

You stand behind her. You don’t want to take up a seat and the stool is too much of a climb for you. You can see it wobbling as you attempt to hitch yourself up with the crossbar. You’re good, you shouldn’t get comfortable.

You listen to the shuffle of cards as your sister murmurs something you can’t make out. You can only hear the low drone of voices as you stand back. You sidle out of the way as a man claims the empty stool beside your sister. He buys in and another hand is dealt. Hasn’t she lost yet?

The man leans into your sister and you grimace. She turns her head to listen to him and she giggles. Your cheeks blaze hotly and you cross your arms and rock. Neither seem to notice you as they get closer and closer.

As the game progresses, you can only really make out what the dealer says; the different numbers that have grumbles coming from other players. You bring your hand up to pick at the button on your cardigan. The man puts his arm around your sister’s back, his hand on her hip as wiggles in her seat coyly. What about Tom?

You peer around awkwardly. Do you stop her? Remind her of the boyfriend that got her the tickets for tonight? You bounce in your flats and pause as you find someone else staring back at you. Or are they? Just as quickly as your eyes meet, the stranger’s eyes flit away and he’s back to chatting with another man. It’s the very same man who gave you the chip. Maybe her forgot you. That’s not a surprise.

You return your attention to your sister. The man has moved his arm between them and your sister squirms. You watch his elbow as he pulls his hand back. He’s touching her leg. She’s wiggling and suddenly, she shoves him away and screeches.

“EH! I got a boyfriend, perv! I said stop.”

Her voice carries along the high ceilings and you cringe. You back up, cowering away as she stands and the stool teeters dangerously. She fists her hand and you think for a moment she might just hit the guy. He scoffs and turns in his seat.

“Babe, just wanted to buy you a drink.”

“Whatever. You fucking creep!” She hollers.

“Ma’am,” the dealer calls from the table, “is there a problem?”

“Y-yeah,” she hiccups, “this dude had his hand up my skirt.”

“She’s drunk,” the man shakes his head, “listen to her.”

“I’m--” your sister’s denial catches in her throat, “doesn’t mean he can just touch me.”

“Ma’am, if you’re drunk, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I’m fine. I'm not that...” She slides off the stool and stands, grabbing the chips in front of her seat and tossing them across the table. “You’re all a bunch of crooks.”

Her ankles tangle as she spins and she barely gets her balance before she storms away. Her strides are uneven as she bobbles drunkenly. You watch after her with wide eyes before you follow. She leads you into the bathrooms as she growls and grumbles. She slams into a stall and you stand outside.

You wait until she comes out. She’s quieter and her eyes are hazy. She washes her hands and applies a new coat of lip gloss.

“What a bust,” she pouts and rolls her eyes, “one more drink and we’ll go.”

“Maybe we should just leave now.”

“That guy was such a pervert,” she sneers at you, “you saw where his hand was.”

You nod, “yeah, I did...”

“So, you know I wasn’t being dramatic.”

“Yeah, but... everyone heard.”

“Oh fuck off,” she pushes your shoulder and stomps past you.

You feel bad. It’s not that she shouldn’t defend herself. You admire that she can, but she didn’t need to be so obnoxious. You trail after her into the casino. She heads directly for the bar. You hang your head and wait behind her. This time, she doesn’t offer you a drink. She’s mad at you now so it’s the silent treatment.

“Honey,” another man approaches, “how about I get that for you?”

“Huh?” She babbles, “oh, sure, baby, that’s sweet.”

The man offers his card to the bartender and orders a highball. He leans his arm on the tall bar top as he faces your sister. She bats her lashes at him and giggles as she pulls her drink closer.

“What’s your name, gorgeous?” He asks.

You blink. It’s like you’re not even there. You watch awkwardly, wishing the floor would swallow you up. Instead, you find an empty stool one seat away.

“Roxie,” she answers as you struggle up onto the seat. “And you, handsome?”

“Sam,” he returns, “what’re you drinking then?”

You notice him touch her glass along the brim but can’t see much else around your sister. She replies and his own drink is served. You shrink down and sigh. She’ll get her free drink and then you can just leave. You hope. You hold your chin as you dread another scene.

“Can I get ya something?” The bartender approaches.

“Er, water, please,” you choke out. He seems disappointed but gets you a glass.

You try not to overhear your sister and that man. It’s awkward and you hate this. It’s not the first time she’s done it either. The few times she’s brought you along, you’ve somehow become a third wheel. It reminds you of when you were kids and your mom forced her to take you with her somewhere. She doesn’t actually want you around, she’s genetically obligated.

“Woah, baby, you okay?” The man raises his voice and your sister’s body slumps. Shoot. No.

You barely get off the stool as the man clings to her drooping body. She giggles wildly as you tweak your ankle and rush over. That man, Sam he called himself, seems somewhat calm given the situation.

“Slow down, babe,” he chortles, “Jesus.”

She’s drunk. You knew she shouldn’t have had another drink. Your eyes meet Sam’s and he squints.

“You know her?”

“My sister,” you murmur.

“Oh, right, well...” he clears his throat and looks around, “you can take care of her then.”

“Wait--” you barely keep her up as she leans on you as she’s almost sideways on the stool.

He’s just leaving you? What the heck? You guess if he can’t get anything out of her, she isn’t worth the effort.

You sniff and struggle to slide your sister down to her feet. She’s heavier than you expect and her height makes her difficult to balance. You glance over as the bartender nears.

“Everything okay?” He asks sternly.

“We’re leaving,” you assure him, “sorry.”

“Five minutes,” he taps his watch face, “or I call security.”

You nod and move your arm around your sister’s back, “please, Rox, gotta work with me.”

She laughs again, “hey, where’d that cute guy go?”

“Please,” you beg again, “don’t...”

“Oh, hi,” she touches your faces and squeezes your cheeks, “baby sister.”

You hate when she’s like this. She’s always been a drinker, ever since high school when her friends would sneak out bottle from their parents’ stash. What was once an act of rebellion as a teen is now concerning as an adult.

“Excuse me, everything okay?” The timbre makes your heart drop and you nearly let go of Roxie as she leans in the other direction.

You look up. Oh god. It’s him. That dark-haired man in his expensive suit.

“I’m just... we’re on our way out--”

“She alright?” He points at your sister.

“Tipsy,” you utter.

“I see,” he pushes his hair back as it slips forward, “can I help?”

“Uh, you don’t--”

Before you can answer, he has your sister’s other arm. He almost lifts her entire weight off of you as he supports her against his shoulder. Your entire body is emblazoned in humiliation. You refuse to look above the floor as you’re certain you must have an audience.

You get your sister across the floor and into a hallway. There's an exit sign ahead but you're all turned around. The man stops you and Roxie.

"Where'd you park?" He asks, "this leads to Lot 5."

"Oh, uh..." you blanch. You hadn't thought of any of that. You slouch under Roxie's weight and try to see around her. "I'm not sure but... I don't drive. She was supposed to."

"Ah," he clucks, "and now she can't."

"Right," you agree glumly, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Why?" He asks.

"I didn't think... I let her--"

"Did you let her drink or did she make that choice knowing she was supposed to get behind a wheel?" He challenges.

"I guess... yeah. Sorry."

"Really, doll, no need to keep going on like that," he dismisses, "well, it's late and I can't in good conscience let you wander out with her like this. Especially if you don't have a way home."

"I could..." you begin. A taxi? You'd have to ask your mom to pay the driver when you get home. "Why would you... care?"

"Well, as the owner of this establishment, it won't look good on me if two pretty girls left and went missing," he chuckles then stops himself, "sorry, that's not funny. I just... we overserved your sister obviously so it's on us."

"Owner?" You gulp. You didn't think this could be any more humiliating.

"Bucky," he reaches around you sister.

You hesitate. You can't shake his hand properly as yours is around your sister so you just sorta grab his hand briefly and squeeze two fingers, retracting with another raze of embarrasment. You barely squeak out your name.

He repeats your name before he continues, "I'll get you two a room so she can sober up."

"What? No. That's... too much."

"It's late," he insists, "here," he pulls Roxie away from you as her head lolls and she snorts. He lifts her against his chest, carrying her easily. "I know a back way, just follow my lead, doll."

"Ummmmm," you drone and he waltzes back the way he came, hardly detered by the drunken body in his arms. You can only kick yourself and scramble after him. This night could not have ended any worse. Well, you guess it could if it went the way he suggested.

[the-fiction-witch]

Little Lady

Media - House Of The Dragon Character - Jacaerys Velaryon Couple - Jacaerys X Reader Reader - (OC) Lady Melimina (Betrothal) Rating - Sexy Word Count - 3435

Jace lingered on the balcony of his chamber in dragonstone watching as vermax flew around the castle restlessly. He felt angry, so trapped here on dragonstone while the war wages, his mother refused him to go and broker alliances, she refused him to fight, even to fly vermax. She said it wasn't safe. That he was her heir and he needed to be safe... He felt like a coddled princeling. To stand at home with mommy while a war for his family, his claim went on within him. He leaned his back against the stone wall behind him feeling the coldness of the hard stone against his body, a sudden wave of frustration took over him. Being confined on Dragonstone felt like a death sentence. Jacaerys looked up in the sky watching Vermax fly in circles around the castle. It was like he knew what he was going through.

"My prince?" the sound of footsteps come out to the balcony, and his betrothal lady Melimina appeared in her black gown with red pattern in the fabric with a dragon pin at her waist to secure it on her body. She nervously stepped out but kept her distance, "Is something troubling you?

He looked down at her, his eyes piercing into her own gaze and noticed that she kept her distance as if she was afraid of coming closer to him. "It seems like you already know the answer to that" he said before looking back at the sky watching Vermax fly around.

She nodded "She only wishes to protect you My prince." She said softly, "you are her heir, her future. The targaryen future, the Velaryon future, so much rests on you... And ... After what happened… to lucerys" she said tenderly

He exhaled loudly as he heard her speak the name of his younger brother. The memories of that day still fresh and painful as if it had happened yesterday. "I know that, but she doesn't have to keep me on a leash and shut me away in this place. I can fight, I can-" he looked down at his feet clenching his fists before continuing "...I can do more than she thinks."

"I'm sure you can," she nodded trembling slightly at the sight of his fists "but... Patience, is a great thing for the future king also?" She encouraged

His breath grew heavy, anger and disappointment coursing through his veins as he realized how right she was. Being patient was definitely a virtue. He unclenched his fists and took in a deep breath before looking back into her eyes. "You're right." he exhaled as he leaned his back against the wall once again "I'm just tired of this... waiting around while the others fight out there. I want to be a part of this war too."

"And you sit on your mother's council, beside her every discussion of movements and tactics. She is teaching you to lead. I know it's frustrating... And I... I wish I could help"

He chuckled faintly at her comment. A part of him felt a sense of comfort in knowing that she was trying to understand him, trying to help. Even if it might be just a little. He looked down and then at her again, the tension in his body starting to ease as he spoke. "Your presence alone is enough, Melimina. Having you talk to me is help, I suppose. I'd go insane if I stayed here by myself."

She blushed "thank you my prince,"

A small, soft smile appeared on his lips noticing her gentle blush. "There's no need to thank me." he spoke in a low, soft tone. His eyes lingered on her form, taking in every detail. From the way her black dress hugged her to the small dragon pin resting at her waist.

"... I have heard word of discussions to meet with the tullys of riverrun and the freys of the crossing... Your mother had suggested I go" she explained

He raised an eyebrow, a flicker of curiosity in his eyes. "The Tullys and the Freys?" he repeated, processing the information. "And she suggested you go? I wonder why..." he said, a hint of suspicion in his voice

"... My grandmother was a Tully, my prince"

He looked at her with a bit of surprise, the pieces coming together in his mind. "I see... you have family there, then. I suppose that's why my mother thought it a good idea for you to go."

"... Perhaps, if you wish I could ask her to send you instead?"

His gaze snapped back to her, a flicker of hope appearing in his eyes. The thought of leaving Dragonstone filled him with a renewed energy, and he couldn't conceal the excitement on his face as he replied "I... I would appreciate that, Melimina, truly. It would mean a lot if I could go instead."

"... And perhaps," She blushed "... Maybe we might... Go together?" She suggested nervously

His eyes widened at her suggestion, a mixture of surprise and interest crossing his face. The thought of going away with her, together... the idea was both exciting and nerve-wracking. "Together?" he repeated, the words leaving his mouth slowly as if to savor the idea "I... I wouldn't mind that."

"perhaps two dragons could be more persuasive then one. And perhaps the... Royal heir and his... Future wife... The potential future king and queen may... Inspire some alliance?" She struggled not to giggle

The corners of his mouth tugged upwards into a faint smile at her suggestion. The thought of using their status and future titles to inspire loyalty and gain alliances... it was a strategically smart move. But there was more to it than that. It would be a chance for them to get closer, to spend time together away from the confines of Dragonstone, "You're quite clever, Melimina. And you're right again... two dragons are definitely more persuasive than one."

she blushed and nodded "I will put it to her at the council in the morning,"

He smiled and nodded in agreement, a wave of anticipation and excitement coursing through him at the prospect of potentially going on this journey. It was the first time in a long while that he looked forward to something. "I'll be looking forward to that council then. Thank you, Melimina. For considering it, for helping me..." he said genuinely, his expression turning into a soft and warm gaze.

"your welcome, of course I want to help... It ....breaks my heart to see you upset," she explained "and..." She chuckled looking out to vermax still circling, "I know starlight hates to see vermax so stressed,"

He laughed softly, gazing alongside her at Vermax still flying around the castle. The mention of Starlight, Melimina's own dragon, being worried about his own dragon brought a lighthearted moment to their conversation. "Ah, yes, Starlight... she's as perceptive as her owner it seems. We can't have our dragons worried about us too, can we?" he replied, looking back at her with a lighter, more relaxed expression.

"no, they should be down on the caves... Relaxing together" she cooed

His eyes widened at the idea. The thought of their dragons interacting and relaxing together was a cute and endearing image that brought a soft smile to his lips. "Relaxing together, huh? I like the sound of that. Vermax and Starlight... maybe they're already in love like their riders," he teased, his voice playful and lighthearted.

"I've caught them cuddling" she blushed

He was taken aback by the revelation and laughed incredulously. "Cuddling? You're serious?" he asked, his eyebrows raised, unable to believe that their dragons were in a more intimate relationship than they were. A hint of jealousy tugged at him, but he quickly dismissed it as he replied with a chuckle. "I never thought I'd feel outdone by my own dragon"

"out done my prince?"

He chuckled softly and looked back at her, a hint of playful competitiveness in his eyes. "Yes, outdone. Sounds like Vermax and Starlight have a more intimate relationship than we do..” he teased, his voice gentle but with a hint of suggestion.

she blushed "perhaps they do... But their dragons they don't have .. the rules and regulations we do"

He smirked, amused by her reaction and the point she made. He took a step closer, closing the distance between them slightly. "Ah, yes. The rules and regulations... such pesky things, aren't they? They keep us in line, make sure we behave." he said, his voice dropped to a lower, more intimate tone. He continued closing the distance between them little by little, the proximity creating a charged atmosphere that heightened the tension between them. He gazed at her intently, his eyes studying her every feature with a mixture of desire and restraint. "But rules and regulations... They also make things more interesting, don't you think? It adds a bit of... excitement. The thrill of breaking the rules... the forbidden."

she Blushed hard looking out to vermax and the waves, "makes me wonder if you'll have interest in me... When not forbidden fruit"

His gaze followed hers to look out at Vermax and the waves for a moment, his mind momentarily distracted. But then, he looked back at her, his eyes filled with a mixture of intensity and tenderness. "Ah, so you worry that once the thrill of the forbidden is gone, my interest in you might waver?" he asked, his voice smooth and low, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"it does ... Worry me" she admits fiddling with her fingers

He noticed her fiddling with her fingers, a sure sign of her nerves and concern. He stepped even closer, close enough that their bodies were almost touching. "I can assure you," he replied softly, his voice gentle and sincere, "that my interest in you goes beyond the thrill of the forbidden, Melimina. You are more than that to me... and you will continue to be, even when the 'forbidden' is gone."

"... It is another reason I hate this war so very much"

He raised an eyebrow curiously, silently asking her to elaborate on her statement. He listened intently, his body still close to hers as he waited for her to continue.

"if not for the war... We... We'd have been married by now"

His expression softened, his mind going back to the original plan and timeline. If not for the war, if everything had gone in their favor... they would indeed be married by now and ruling from the Iron Throne. "Yes, we would..." he said quietly, his voice laced with a hint of longing and disappointment. He took a step back, his gaze drifting away from her towards the horizon, his mind momentarily lost in thought.

"your mother would be queen. You'd be her heir. I'd be your ... Princess. We might have even had a child on the way by now. You'd be prince jacaerys Velaryon of dragonstone, heir to the iron throne."

Each word she said was like a stab to the heart, a reminder of the potential future that could have been. He had imagined that future too, countless times, and now it felt like it was slipping further and further away. "I know..." he said quietly, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. He turned his gaze back to her, his eyes full of melancholy and longing. "That was the plan... that was how it was supposed to be."

"well..." She sighed "then we must end this war quickly, so things can be as they should"

He nodded in agreement, the determination in her words reigniting a fire within him. He looked at her with renewed resolve, his features hardening. "You're right," he said firmly, "we need to end this war as soon as possible. I won't rest until everything is how it should be again. Until my mother is queen and I am her heir as intended." He then stepped closer to her again, his eyes locked onto hers. This time, the distance between them seemed even more significant. Their bodies were almost touching, their proximity creating a charged atmosphere that was both electrifying and dangerous. "Melimina," he spoke softly, his voice low and laced with a hint of a promise, "I swear to you that I will do whatever it takes to make our future a reality. No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifices..."

"as honourable as that is my prince, I'd prefer you just... Be safe and well by the end. The crown makes no matter to me"

Her words made him pause, a wave of warmth and gratitude washed over him. Her concern for his safety and well-being was not something he was used to. He was the prince, expected to risk life and limb for his ambitions, but hearing her prioritize his safety over the crown made him feel a strange mixture of emotions. "You... you are a rare one, Melimina," he said quietly, his voice tinged with admiration and affection. "Most people in our world would prioritize their own gain and power above all else."

"... I'd be happy… in a little stone cottage with a waterwheel, in the river lands with you. Then all of westeros under my throne and a crown on my head without you"

He was taken aback by her words. The simplicity and sincerity of her statement struck him deeply. It was such an unexpected and yet touching notion. "A stone cottage with a waterwheel in the riverlands..." he repeated thoughtfully, his gaze lingering on her. Her preference for a simpler life with him over a grand throne and crown, it was almost too good to be true. He reached out and lightly touched her arm, his fingers gently brushing against her skin as if he couldn't quite believe she was real. "You truly mean that, don't you?" he asked quietly, his voice tinged with disbelief and awe. "You would give up the throne, the crown, everything... just to have a simple life with me?"

"I would. Just somewhere safe, and cosy. Somewhere to raise little children, and... Have vermax and starlight snuggle in the barn together" she giggled brushing her fingers against his but to afraid to touch him quickly moving her hands to her stomach to fiddle with her fingers once more

He chuckled as she described the image of their future life, his imagination running wild. The thought of a quiet, peaceful life with her and their dragons... it was an enticing prospect. His eyes fixated on hers, watching the nervous fiddling and the almost-touch of their hands. "A cosy cottage... Starlight and Verax in the barn... little children running about..." he mused. "It sounds like an idyllic life, almost too good to be true."

"umm, waking by dawn, pressing apples with the waterwheel, feeding chickens, watching the children run, the dragons snuggling and .. having eggs to place in our own babies cradle... Fishing and farming and..." She Blushed but Giggled stopping herself

His lips curled into a small smile as he listened to her daydream. Her descriptions of their simple life painted a vivid picture in his mind, one that was almost too perfect. "And what else, Melimina?" he asked, her sudden pause piquing his curiosity. He watched her blush and giggle, knowing there was more to her fantasy than she was letting on.

"it's foolish" she blushed

His smile widened slightly as he noticed her blushing. He took a step closer, intrigued now by what she was hiding. "No, please tell me. I want to know what else you imagine. It's not foolish," he said softly, his voice reassuring and encouraging.

"... I... Imagined ... Looking out the cottage window while making a nice chicken stew, watching the children play with their baby dragons, vermax and starlight flying across the sky hunting sheep, and... You... Walking out in the summer sun ... Shirtless to chop wood for the fire" she Blushed her fingers fiddling with her dragon pin on her dress unable to meet his eyes she was so embarrassed

His eyes widened slightly at her words, a mixture of surprise and amusement on his face. The image she painted was undeniably captivating, and the thought of being the shirtless, wood-chopping, dragon-riding husband in her dream made him feel oddly proud. "Ah... I see," he said, his voice low and tinged with a hint of amusement. He took another step closer, his body almost touching hers now. He reached out and gently took her chin, tilting her head up so she would meet his gaze.

"forgive me I-"

He shook his head, his eyes fixed on hers, gently silencing her with a soft brush of his thumb against her chin. "Don't apologize," he said softly in a low voice, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down her spine. "I... I find it endearing, actually. The image of me as a shirtless, wood-chopping dragon rider, tending to our children and their baby dragons while you make a stew." He chuckled again, his smile still evident in his voice. His hand moved upwards, his fingers caressing her jawline gently. He was now so close to her that he could feel the warmth of her breath, her eyes staring up at him nervously. "It's a beautiful dream, I'll give you that..." he said huskily, his eyes darkened with a mix of desire and affection. His other hand moved to her hip, pulling her slightly closer to him

"but... It is only a dream. We are to rule.. as king and queen someday"

He chuckled wryly, his eyes never leaving hers. He gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek for a moment. "True... we are destined for greatness. But it doesn't mean we can't have brief moments to indulge in our little fantasies, does it?" His hand on her hip pulled her even closer, their bodies now almost pressed together, his touch firm yet tender. He leaned in, his voice dropping to a low, intimate whisper. "Imagine it..." he murmured, his breath hot against her skin. "Me, coming in all hot and sweaty from chopping wood. You, finishing up your chicken stew. Our children and their dragons playing around us, the dragons cuddling in the corner..." His hand on her hip tightened, pulling her flush against him. He leaned down, his mouth hovering just millimeters away from hers, his lips almost touching hers as he continued

she giggled and blushed even harder at the thought

His lips curled into a smile, his eyes darkened with desire as he watched her giggle and blush. He was enjoying this game of theirs, the way she was reacting to his words and his touch. "And after we've had our dinner, I'd take you by the fireplace..." he said huskily, his mouth still close to hers, their faces almost touching. "I'd hold you in my arms, the fire casting shadows on our skin as I kiss your neck, your jaw, your collarbone..." His hand on her hip moved lower, his fingers tracing the curve of her body, his touch sending shudders through her as he continued to describe their fantasy. "I'd kiss you until you're breathless, until you're craving me, until you're begging for me..." he murmured, his lips now tantalizingly close to her ear, his voice low and full of promise.

she giggled again "... I do hope you've put the children to bed before all this"

He let out a soft laugh, his breath warm on her skin. He pulled back slightly, admiring her flushed cheeks and wide eyes. "Oh, I definitely have..." he said, his voice low and seductive. "The little ones are asleep in their beds, dreaming of their baby dragons and tomorrow's adventures. We're all alone in the cozy cottage by the fire..." his hand on her hip moved lower again, gently caressing the curve of her ass.

"ooh-" she gasped glancing at his hands red blush across her cheeks and nose

He chuckled again, noticing the way her eyes darted to his hands. He continued caressing her ass, his fingers tracing lazy circles over the fabric of her dress, his touch firmer now, more possessive. "Are you enjoying these little... fantasies?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He pulled her even closer, his body now pressing snuggly against hers, their hips touching, his lips ghosting over her jawline.

she nodded "we uhh we should... We shouldn't -"

"We shouldn't..." he repeated, mimicking her tone, knowing full well they should stop. His lips traced a path from her jawline down her neck, to her collarbone. "But do we really want to stop?" His hand on her ass pulled her even closer, his body fully pressed against hers now, leaving no space between them at all. He started gently nipping at her skin, trailing kisses along her shoulder and collarbone, enjoying the way she shivered at his touch.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

this is such a weird request but can u do like slash x fem reader where they wake up in eachothers bodies? like fem reader wakes up in slashs body and slash wakes up in readers body

and also smut where slash in the readers body tells the reader in his body what to do and they both realise they like switching ☺️☺️☺️

A/n: I don't know how you thought of this but I love you

Warnings: Smut, body swapping, use of toys, oral sex (f receiving), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Part 2

You woke up feeling... different. You were holding something close to you, it was warm and cuddly and smelled familiar.

You brought your hand up to rub your eyes before opening them and you froze. You were holding yourself, not hugging yourself but literally holding your body from a different body.

You shot up and jumped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror. Staring back at you was Slash, big hair and shirtless. But, he was you. Or, you were him?

"Y/n..?" A high, groggy voice called. Your voice.

"Bathroom." You replied, shocked by your deeper voice. It was still soft and a bit raspy like Slash's always was, though now with a hint of panic, something you realized you'd never heard from him.

Slash walked in, rubbing his eyes. He reached out to grab you and only then thought something was wrong when he realized he grabbed someone taller than him.

He opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror, not saying a word for several moments.

"Huh." He muttered.

"'Huh'?" You repeated. "That's all you have to say, 'huh'?" He stared, again not saying anything.

He looked down and squeezed his new chest. "Cool." You swatted him in the back of the head and he groaned, rubbing where you hit. "Jesus, that hurts."

"Well, now you know how I feel!" He rolled his eyes at you and looked up at you, taking a good look at his appearance.

His gaze trailed down and a smile spread across his. "I definitely know how you feel." You raised a brow at him and looked down to see a very prominent bulge in your leather pants.

You quickly went to cover yourself and he just laughed and walked back to bed. "Wait..." You started and he turned back around to look at you. "How do I deal with this..." You said much quieter.

He looked you up and down again and shrugged. He crawled back into bed and laid there. You came over to him and sat back down beside him.

"Could you..." You trailed, fumbling a gesture.

"I'm not giving you a blow job." You stared down at him.

"First, I wasn't suggesting that you do." You said. "Second, you do give me blow jobs, just not with a dick."

"The dick makes a big fucking difference."

"The clit is a dick. A mini one with more nerve endings." You crossed your arms and huffed, you had to do something, you couldn't just let it sit there. Plus, it was getting painful...

You shimmied your pants down and your dick hit your abdomen, it was a strange feeling you'd never thought of.

"Oh, don't do that in front of me." He groaned, pulling you from your thoughts, and rolled over to face away from you.

"It's your fucking dick!" You snipped, feeling tears welling in your eyes. He glanced back at you over his shoulder, finally awake enough to hear the panic in your voice.

He sat up and leaned against you, resting his head on your shoulder. "This is weird." He mumbled. You nodded, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down. "It's weird to be beside myself... it's weirder that I- you... have a boner..?" You laughed at that. "Seriously, how are you attracted to that?" He asked, looking up at you with a smile.

"It-it feels better than it looks." You said, looking down at the appendage.

"Oh, does it?" You looked back at him.

"You could try it." He stared at your dick, an awkward smile on his face.

"That's disgusting, use your hand." He said and got out of bed, tossing his clothes off as he headed for the door, getting himself completely naked before he reached it. He held the doorknob a moment before turning back to you. "More nerves?" He asked.

You went to the closet while he went back to bed, getting comfortable as you brought over your box of toys.

You set it down and dug through it and pulling out a vibrator, a small one. You gave it to him and he turned it on, eyes flickering between you and it.

"So," you started, "what do I do?"

"You've given me a hand job before, it's the same thing." He said simply.

"I've never been on this side before."

"Neither have I, I still know how to fuck your body." He held the toy to his clit and his breath hitched, mouth dropping open as a low moan left him.

You were staring at yourself but you were still comprehending that it was Slash. Inside that body was still the man you loved and in that body was the man you loved getting off.

Your body reacted to your thoughts and your hand moved to your cock, gripping the base with a firm hold and moving up. Your eyes fluttered at the feeling and your hand moved faster, pulling groans from you.

"Oh, my god, how- fuck, how do you hah-handle this?" He asked, still holding the toy to his clit. He looked down at his new body, staring at the vibrator. He took it off his clit and pushed it into his hole.

You watched his eyes widen and louder moans ripping from his throat. He was squirming, hands unable to stay still. He wanted to touch himself but was already feeling so much. "Do something," he whined, "do something, please!"

You abandoned your own needs and moved between his legs, you'd never done this before and just stared at him twitching for a moment. "Just-just fucking lick it." He whined, reaching down to your head and holding you to him.

You started lapping at his folds, the feeling was strange at first but you got used to it. You looked up at him, watching his reactions to make sure you were doing a good job. He was bucking his hips and grinding against you, looking for more even though he could barely handle what was already happening to him.

You flicked his sensitive bud with your tongue, knowing how it made you feel. "Oh, fuck!" He screamed, eyes rolling back and his back arching as he squirted all over your face. "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop." He mumbled over and over as more came out of him, his body trembling as he came down from the high.

You pulled away from him, coughing a bit and wiping your drenched face. "Didn't know I was waterboarding you." You sputtered.

Slash's sniffling pulled you from your thoughts and you pulled out the vibrator. He let out a heavy sigh, his body jolting slightly. "Didn't know it felt like that..." He muttered, voice shaking and his eyes looking past you but not taking in much.

His eyes finally narrowed on you and he smiled. "Fuck me."

You chuckled. "Told you it feels better."

"No," he said, "fuck me. Please."

Your eyes widened slightly at that. "I-I don't know how..." You said, gaze trailing over him.

"I'll tell you what to do, just do it." You bit your lip nervously, the insistent pulsing of your cock leading you to hover over him as he laid down under you.

You tried to remember what Slash always did with you and started kissing him, biting his bottom lip but he smacked you. "Don't do that, you bitch." He grumbled, sucking on his lip for a second. "Kiss my neck, you've done that before."

"I've kissed you before, too." He rolled his eyes.

"Not like that, you haven't." You bit your lip. "Look, anything with your mouth you've done before, just do that." You let out a soft sigh and started kissing his jaw and down his neck. "Go inside." He instructed. You held your hard dick in your hand and tried to find the right hole. "Not there!" He stated loudly.

"Well, now you know how I feel." You grumbled.

"And now you know how I feel going in blind." He bit. He reached down and guided you in, drawing moans out of both of you. "Hah, fuck..." He said, voice airy and lust-filled. "Roll your hips."

"What does that mean?" You looked down at him, frustrated that you didn't know what you were doing.

"Jesus, fucking ride me." You stared at him.

"What..?" You said, finally.

"Do what you do when you ride me." You thought about it for a minute before grinding into him. Feeling him wrapped around you, squeezing you tightly, you couldn't stop yourself and set a fast pace, snapping your hips into his repeatedly.

The room filled with your shared moans, your sounds mixing together and echoing off the walls. "Fuck! Right there, right there!" Slash cried, gripping the sheets so tight his knuckled went white.

It wasn't long before you felt a ball tightening in your groin, you wanted to pull out but Slash's legs were wrapped around you, forcing you to stay in him as you came, Slash's high following shortly after and he was squirting around your dick.

You fell onto the bed beside him, staring up at the ceiling with your chest rising and falling heavily. Slash curled up into you, clinging to your arm and sniffled softly.

"Are you ok..?" You asked, looking down at him and holding him tight.

He nodded and nuzzled further into you. "Yeah, your body is just... different..." He mumbled.

"Well," you started, "we know sex is still good." You said with a small smile, looking down at him in hopes that it would cheer him up a bit. His eyes were closed and he was falling asleep, so you pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head.

[wordsarelife]

—hits different

pairing: isaac lahey x fem!reader

summary: isaac and you both like each other, it just takes some time for you to realize that the other does as well..

warnings: underage drinking

notes: this should've been posted yesterday.. i'm so sorry

"have any of you seen y/n?" isaacs voice beamed off the walls of the large room and both derek and scott turned their heads so sudden, he wondered if he had just interrupted something.

"y/n?" scott wondered "haven't seen her since school"

"well, obviously she's not here" derek exclaimed with a roll of his eyes and isaac sighed.

"i know" he stretched "i just wondered if any of you knew where exactly she is" he widened his eyes to make a point, which was answered with another eye roll from derek and a shrug from scott. "well, thank you for all the help. i'll go find her myself then"

"she might be hanging out with stiles" scott said as isaac was already walking out of the door.

despite scott being not sure, isaac decided that it did not hurt to drive to stiles' house and have a look for himself. he often found you in the company of the boy, which sometimes made him wonder if there was going more than friendship between the both of you.

he stopped the car before stiles house and got out, walking up the front porch and knocking on the door.

"hey" stiles exclaimed when he swung open the door.

"hey" isaac greeted "i'm looking for y/n" he explained, before he tried to take a look inside "is she here?"

stile shook his head "no, she mentioned something about a club, and some other friend that was going with her"

"huh" isaac nodded, with a tight-lipped smile. "thats kind of weird of her, isn't it?"

stiles just shrugged his shoulders and isaac nodded finally.

"okay, ehm, thanks man"

"sure" stiles nodded with a tightlipped smile, at the lack of movement from isaac, he raised his brows "is there still something i can help you with?"

"uh, yeah" isaac smiled uncomfortably "what's the name of the club?"

"the sinema, i guess" stiles replied shrugging "it's the only club around here"

"yeah, right" isaac raised his arm, lazily waving goodbye, before he walked back to his car.

"is there one story that does not involve isaac lahey?" your friend, amy, loudly asked your, trying to be heard over the music.

"sorry" you replied "we're just very close"

"yeah, yeah" amy nodded her head, having heard enough of the boy in the last hour "that's exactly why you're gonna get drunk out of your mind and forget all about him"

"i'm not sure that's how it works" you noted.

"well it does in my books" amy furrowed her brows, holding the tequila shot in your direction.

you took the glass, admitting that you couldn't think of a better solution yourself, so it couldn't hurt to try hers. anything to get your mind of the blonde boy was greatly appreciated.

the night passed by quickly, you were a drunken mess, slurring about everything and anything.

"you know what i find weird?" you asked amy, both of you laying in the sitting booth of the club.

"no, what?" amy replied, a giggle breaking out between her lips. you joined into her laughter, unable to contain yourself, before you quickly shook your head, focusing back on the matter you were trying to discuss.

"well, scott said that isaac doesn't fancy kylie" you began, rolling your eyes at the name of the girl. at the same time you felt kind of bad, she hadn't done anything to you and yet here you were, saying her name like she had ran over your dog. "but if that's true, why is he always sending her these fuck me eyes?"

"fuck me eyes?" amy repeated, giggling once again "i'm not sure that's a thing, honey"

"i'm sure it is, i've seen it first-hand from stiles to lydia"

amy laughed even louder amidst the fact that you had spied on other people to prove your point.

"i think that's just stiles personally" she shrugged.

the thing about being drunk was that there was no way to direct any feelings, when you were drunk, your mood shifted like you were sitting on a roller coaster.

"can you please take this seriously?" you asked, your tone etched in annoyance and frustration.

"but you're being ridiculous" amy shook her head and you sat up, crossing your arms.

"i'm not trying to be" you muttered, the first tears escaping your eyes.

"y/n, sweetheart" amy cooed, sitting up as well and dropping an arm around your shoulder. "don't cry about him again please" you felt bad that it was your fault that the mood had shifted so drastically. both of you had so much fun all night and now you had gone and spoiled the mood.

"sorry" you cried. "i just miss isaac so much and i wish that he would miss me too whenever we're not together"

unbeknownst to you, isaac did miss you just as much as you were missing him.

"excuse me?" the bouncer turned around, raising his brows at the boy that was absolutely not dressed like he was going clubbing.

"what?" the man asked, watching the blonde boy expectingly.

"i was searching for my friend" isaac explained "she's about this tall" he held a hand up, before he continued to describe the color and length of your hair, what you were probably wearing and how your voice sounded "she's really pretty, really nice, most of the time at least" he ended his description.

the bouncer, who was ready to turn the boy away with an annoyed 'do you think i know everyone inside?', paused, when he noticed two girls stumbling out of the entrance. "that her?" he asked, pointing a finger in their direction.

"wow" isaac muttered impressed, before he nodded "yeah, thanks man" he patted the bouncer's shoulder, before he walked up to amy and you.

"isaac" you slurred as you recognized the boy behind amy.

"yeah, yeah" amy nodded "we already discussed him, honey"

"no" you shook your head, pointing again "isaac!"

amy almost sighed in relief when she noticed the boy approaching. even though she had the same amount of tequila shots as you, she had calmed down a bit and was way less drunk than you. she could handle alcohol much better than you anyway.

"hey" isaac smiled with a lopsided grin.

"isaac!" you slurred once again and the blonde boy laughed at your excitement.

"do you think you could take her home?" amy asked "my boyfriend just came and we want to stay a bit longer. i'd invite the both of you along, but i think y/n's had enough"

"of course" isaac nodded "no problem"

"thank you" amy smiled gratefully, before she hugged you goodbye and pointed her boyfriend out to isaac, so he was sure she was not alone waiting for him.

"bye!" you slurred in her direction as she took off.

isaac watched you in silent amusement. "let's go home, yeah?" he smiled and you nodded, your eyes already halfway closed.

he helped you to the car, all while you put on a tremendous rendition of taylor swifts 'love story'. you missed half the lyrics and weren't singing the right notes, but isaac didn't mind.

"pretty good" he complimented laughing once your singing had been finished.

"thank you, isaac" you smiled at him, dragging out his name. "your name is so beautiful" you smiled before you repeated pronouncing it slower every time.

the sunlight streamed through the window, hitting your face and waking you up with an unpleasant grogginess. your head throbbed, and your mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. slowly, you opened your eyes and glanced around, realizing you were in your own bed. relief washed over you briefly before flashes of the previous night trickled back.

you remembered the club, the tequila shots, and then… isaac. you groaned, hiding your face in the pillow, trying to bury the embarrassing memories. what had you said to him? something about his name being beautiful. you cringed inwardly. you could not remember his answer, nor anything that happened after.

a sudden noise from the front door made you sit up abruptly, the room spinning a little from the movement. you steadied yourself, listening. someone was trying to come into the house. your heart raced as you quickly oustretched your hand, reaching for your phone on the bedside table.

"amy?" you whispered as soon as you friend had picked up.

"y/n?" amy wondered. you could tell that she had just woken up herself, her voice almost breaking. "who's that?" another voice asked and you could imagine henry, amy's boyfriend, laying next to her, confusion evident on his face.

"it's y/n" amy whispered harshly, before her mouth was closer to the phone again. "what is it, honey? it's the middle of the night"

"it's past eleven" you whispered harshly "and someones trying to break into the house"

"what?" you couldn't see what she was doing, but imagined she was sitting up in bed, due to all the noise she was making.

"someone's breaking in" you repeated.

"shit" amy said worriedly "okay, it's alright, henry can come and—“

before she could finish, the front door flew open. you quickly slipped onto the ground so you could hide behind the bed. "too late" your voice was a pitch higher as you basically screamed in a whisper "they're inside"

"shit, shit, shit" you could hear rushed movements on the other side of the phone "get up, idiot" amy screamed at henry (you assumed) "our friend is getting murdered"

"amy" even after all the years at the side of scott and stiles and every bad situation they had gotten themselves in, you had never been so scared before.

"it's alright, babe" amy tried to sound calming, but failed miserably "we're coming to help you"

"y/n?" a voice called and steps neared your bedroom. you couldn't help the sigh of relief escaping your lips.

"are you dead?" amy screamed and you held the phone away, your ears ringing from the loudness of her voice. "did they find you?"

"well if they didn't before, they would have now" you muttered "i'm alright, it's just isaac"

isaac opened the door, just as you had finished speaking. you raised your hand, waving at him and he walked around the bed, eyebrows furrowed.

"i'll call you back later" you said into the phone, ending the call before amy was able to say anything else.

"so, what are you doing, exactly?" isaac asked, amusement sounding through his voice.

"i thought someone was trying to break in" you shrugged, you saw no sense in lying.

"oh sorry" isaac scratched the back of his neck "i didn't mean to scare you, you asked me to stay yesterday, so i slept on the couch and went to grab some breakfast for us"

"oh god" you held your hand in your hands, not being able to look at him "i can't even remember half the car ride yesterday, let alone anything that followed after" you looked down and only noticed now that you were wearing a pyjama.

"you changed yourself" isaac quickly said as he noticed the worry on your face "you asked me to give you a pyjama and changed while i waited in the hallway"

"sorry" you shook your head "i shouldn't have assumed—“

"no, no" isaac quickly interrupted "it's fine, please don't apologize"

you stood up and both of you were now standing in front of each other. "did i say something embarrassing yesterday?" you asked. you weren't sure if you wanted an answer to that, but you had to know.

isaac smiled. "well, you told me that my name was beautiful, which no one has done before, so it's greatly appreciated"

"that's it?" you wondered.

"eh, no" isaac looked a bit uncomfortable now and your smile died down.

"did i say something inappropriate?" your eyes widened "did i say something that made you uncomfortable?"

"no, but" isaac looked out of the window behind you, his cheeks reddening more and more "you said that you really really liked me"

your eyes widened even more and you looked down in embarrassment. "oh my god, i'm so—" you paused, remembering a very important detail from the night before "wait, why were you at the club yesterday?"

isaac laughed. "i was searching for you, actually" he admitted.

"oh really?" you smiled up at him.

"yeah" isaac shrugged "that's also why i stayed even though i live three minutes away, because i really really like you too"

a wave of relief and something warmer washed over you. isaac's words took a moment to sink in, and when they did, your heart fluttered.

"you... you like me?" you repeated, hardly believing what you were hearing.

isaac nodded, his cheeks still tinged with a light blush. "yeah, i do. i have for a while now, but i didn't know how to tell you. when stiles said you were at the club last night, i thought it was the perfect chance to see you."

you couldn't help but smile, the nervousness in your stomach slowly turning into excitement. "you asked stiles where i was?"

"yeah" isaac shrugged, laughing "i thought you were with him, because i always thought there was something going on between the two of you"

"oh, isaac" you shook your head "that couldn't be more wrong. as i said last night: i like you and only you. stiles is like a brother to me, i couldn't never even, no—ew"

isaac giggled, before he stepped closer, his expression softening. "i'm glad we finally got that out in the open."

you nodded, feeling a sense of anticipation building. "so, what now?"

isaac's lopsided grin returned. "how about we start with breakfast? i got your favorite from the bakery down the street."

your stomach growled at the mention of food, and you laughed. "that sounds perfect."

[vickytaa]

𝕯𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘? 𝕻.2.

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔶: A new video in collaboration with Sam and Colby, where the group enters an abandoned church full of mysteries. What starts as an exciting adventure quickly turns into a nightmare. Y/n will have terrifying nightmares and must fight her fears after entering the darkness. Part 1.

"She... The girl was one of the few people who saw a nun, even though the place is abandoned. Some say they couldn't stop seeing her when they looked in the mirror, others say it was just that moment, and others say they stopped seeing her but strange things happened around them. What they did notice was that there was a kind of pattern, when the person was afraid, the nun's curse was even stronger, as if..."

"As if it was feeding on fear." Colby finished.

My body began to shake desperately, fear coursing through my veins. I tried to look at Matt, who was also scared but was trying his best not to break down there.

We all looked at each other, knowing that the best thing was to keep me company. "Honey, you..." Matt tried to calm me down, but I interrupted him, "Stay with me. Please, Matt," I begged, grabbing his shirt as if I would die if I didn't.

Matt hugged me tighter as I rested my head more and more against his chest. "I was scared, Matt." He pulled away a little, but just enough to see my face. My eyes were full of panic, even though almost an hour had passed since the incident. It broke him to see me like this, because normally I was the strong one, the brave one, but now? now I was scared.

"It's okay, sweetheart. You're with me now, I'm not going anywhere." Matt said. The words hung in the air as I tried to reach them, to believe them. I knew Matt wasn't going to leave my side, but I was scared of what might happen. What if I go back to the darkness?

Matt sat me on his lap, to have me even closer, showering me with small kisses to try to calm me down. My body began to tremble as my mind replayed the scenarios over and over again, each time feeling more real. I tried to push those thoughts away to drown myself in Matt's love and security.

Another hour passed, and the event was almost forgotten, at the back of my mind. I was laughing at a joke Matt made to make me feel something other than fear. "Matt, I think... I think we should continue with the video," I said, now sure that nothing else was going to happen.

Or so I thought...

We started looking for the others until we found them about to do the 'Estes method' where the person doing it is blindfolded and listens to words coming out of a 'special' radio, through headphones.

It was my favorite part of Sam and Colby's videos, but I still felt a little scared to get back into the game. So, when they asked who was going to do it, I immediately said no.

"I'll do it," Matt said, "I'll go with you," Chris followed. We all agreed and started with the method.

"If any person or being is here with us, please communicate through the devices," Colby said.

Silence.

"I repeat, if any being is here with us, communicate through these devices."

Silence, again.

We all started asking questions every now and then, but with no answers, as if neither Chris nor Matt could connect with the entities here.

Few insignificant words came out despite the long time they were there. Colby touched Chris's shoulder while I touched Matt's.

When they took off the equipment, we explained that it hadn't worked well, and they replied that we could try again. Despite the fear, I didn't want to miss out, for me, the best part of the video, so I decided to be brave and offered to do it.

At first, everyone hesitated, but after insisting a little more, they let me.

I sat in the wooden chair, with the headphones and blindfold on. Matt rested his hand on my thigh to assure me that he was there.

"Death," I heard the neutral voice from the headphones, "Death," I repeated exactly the same, interpreting the tone.

"Father," "Father."

The words weren't making much sense, but I was sure they were answering the questions the others were asking.

Shortly after, I heard a small, gruff laugh, which made me jump a little in fear, as I felt it in my right ear, as if a man was there. "A small laugh, like an adult man," I said.

The meaningless words quickly reappeared, "Fire," "Broken," "Eight," among others.

Suddenly, that gruff-voiced man's laugh was heard again, "The man's laugh again," I said, now a little scared, since normally words or things don't repeat.

Matt's hand was still there, motionless, squeezing my leg every now and then.

The radio went silent, no more words came out of there, until a deep voice said, "Are you afraid of the dark?"

My body tensed quickly, my hands began to shake. It was the same voice as before. I'd had enough.

I desperately took off the headphones and threw them on the floor. My hands traveled to the back of my head, to untangle the knot and take off the blindfold. I quickly opened my eyes, and there...

There was nothing.

Only darkness.

"No, please, not again!" I started to scream desperately, the air trapped in my throat. My eyes filled with tears and poured down my face. My head was killing me, and I slowly started to feel dizzy, my legs were slowly giving out and my heart was getting tired of beating.

I closed my eyes but quickly opened them at the feeling of being shaken. "Y/N!" Matt said, his face was practically inches from mine, but I could read his panic from miles away.

My mind was clouded, as I did nothing. The tears were falling down my face, but I couldn't feel them anymore. Nor did I feel that warmth of Matt when he hugged me.

I was exhausted. My legs felt like I'd run a marathon, and breathing was as hard as if I were at the top of the highest mountain.

"Let's go home," Matt said, hugging me and carrying me to the car. I wanted to stay there to finish the video they'd been planning for months, feeling guilty for ruining it, but at that point, I was so weak I couldn't even form a word.

Matt said goodbye to everyone and took me to the car. He quickly started it and began to drive. The tiredness was killing me, and since I got tired of fighting it, unfortunately, I lost and fell fast asleep.

The softness and comfort of my bed woke me up. "Matt..." I tried to look for him but my eyelids were too tired to open.

"I'm here, love. Let's sleep," Matt said, gently wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me as close as possible.

Hours passed and the tiredness never came. I really tried to fall asleep, to follow Matt, but I just couldn't.

I decided that the best thing to do would be to get some water and go back to bed, it was simple and quick, right?

Right?

The scenes of today were in the back of my mind, while the glass of water was in front of everything. I slowly got out of his embrace and got up to go to the kitchen. The house was silent, which indicated that Nick and Chris hadn't returned yet. I felt a little bad for ruining their video, but I also didn't want to stay there to continue suffering.

The lights were off, a cold breeze passed, sending shivers down my spine. There was a strange tension in the air, as if something was going to happen, but I decided to ignore it.

I grabbed the glass and poured myself some cold water, trying to calm my nighttime thoughts. I was already out of there, I was with Matt, there was nothing to worry about. Or was there?

I turned to leave the glass on the counter, and there I saw her.

Kneeling in front of me, the nun again.

Panic and fear ran through my veins. I was frozen, not knowing what to do. I dropped the glass on the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces, but I couldn't hear it anymore, I could only hear the nun's sobs, getting louder and louder.

"Matt! Matt, please!!" I started to scream desperately, but for some strange reason, I couldn't hear anything. No matter how hard I screamed, nothing came out of my mouth.

I grabbed my throat in desperation. My eyes wide open, I watched as the nun slowly stood up in front of me, clearly towering over me.

Her burned hands detached from her face, moving slowly towards my neck.

Tears streamed down my eyes without stopping, my body completely frozen, all my strength trying to scream or get something to wake Matt up, but nothing helped.

The nun's hands, cold and dusty, began to squeeze my throat, cutting off my breath.

This was it, there was nothing else to do. All my strength spent, my soul slowly leaving my body.

𝕴 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘.

𝐕 -

[genshindsau]

Summary: Scaramouche struggles to accommodate to his place in the harem. It isn't easier when some of the other members of the harem constantly try to talk to him or make him spend time with you. He tells himself he doesn't want to, that he is fine blending into the background and being easily forgotten (is he truly?). Concubine!Scaramouche. Empress!reader

CW: Reverse Harem, cursing, sexual implications, nsfw mentioned but not actually described, mentions of Scaramouche's past (as well as other characters), Scaramouche is rather rude in this and can be degrading to the other members, sexualization, literally just Scaramouche struggling with his feelings, non-sexual nudity.

AN: This wasn't exactly what I originally planned, I ended up including a lot about other characters rather than focusing just on Scaramouche and the readers... oh well. There are also a bit of time skips. Dialogue may be choppy as well, especially towards the end. If its to hard to follow please feel free to let me know.

"I'm just saying, when she does the thing with her fingers…" Childe, as he likes to be called, curled two of his fingers in front of Scaramouche's face. He was wearing a cheeky smile, his eyes glittering as he stared at Scaramouche.

Scaramouche clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth together as his eyes narrowed at Childe.

Go away. Please. Go away. He kept repeating these words in his head.

"Oh," Childe leaned forward, his chin resting on his palm. "I suppose you wouldn't know."

His words held no malicious intent. There wasn't any pity either. Scaramouche knew that but he still wanted to scream. He also wanted to punch Childe right in his bright, smiling face. He was getting too much enjoyment out of bothering and annoying Scaramouche.

"There is nothing wrong with not defiling myself."

Childe snorted. "Is it really defiling? I mean," Childe shrugged his shoulders. "She is our wife."

"No, she isn't. Neither of us are legally married to her."

"Exactly," Childe snapped his fingers. "We're concubines; Her concubines. We get all the fun."

Fun? What part about being a concubine is fun? Childe is a mindless puppy who will go wherever you ask, do whatever you ask. Even kill whoever you want. He has had the unfortunate experience of seeing Childe covered in blood and a body at his feet. When you appeared, he expected the worse. Expected Childe to be whipped or scarred. Instead, you ruffled his blood-coated hair and said you deal with the clean up.

Why is he even listening to him?

"Look if you really don't want to spread your legs for her," Scaramouche cringed at Childe's words. He had a feeling Childe was making his words as crude as possible to get a reaction from Scaramouche.

He was succeeding.

"Then that’s fine. But you do a really shitty job at hiding the way your eyes linger on her."

"I - I do not!" Scaramouche balked at him, his cheeks heating up.

"Really?" Childe deadpanned.

"I would not consider it! She already has more than enough people who would let her use them. I will not be one of them."

Scaramouche felt like he needed to defend himself. Needed to make himself stand above the others and not be one of the men who succumbs to his position as a glorified body to use. He lasted this long - lasted through multiple masters without ever having to give them his body. He can't allow that to change.

You've never even touched him, his mind whispered to him. Aside from the time you disintegrated his previous collar, you've never laid a hand on him.

Childe quieted for a moment. It unnerved Scaramouche as Childe stared at him. He felt like he was looking into his soul and he almost wanted Childe to keep teasing him. He'd prefer that to how he was now looking at him.

"She's not like that." Childe voiced out. His voice almost stern.

"If you're really not interested, then whatever. That's fine. But don't assume things about her when you haven't even try to understand her. She may be cruel to her enemies but they deserve it. She would never force anyone - never force her concubines or consorts to do anything they didn't want. Whether that is in her bed or in their personal life."

Scaramouche's eyes wavered at the shift in Childe's tone. Childe sounded dangerous right now.

"Why," Scaramouche's voice cracked. "Why would I even want to know her - or understand her?"

"Our lives are dedicated to her. They belong to her, wouldn't you - "

Scaramouche cut him off " - And you're okay with that? Belonging to someone like her. Someone who is part of the Imperial Family?"

Childe cannot be that daft. Everyone knows about the Imperial Family. Knows that no one should trust them. Knows that they are cruel, tyrannical, and would do anything to be the empress. He doubts that you are any different. No, he knows that you are no different.

"Sure." Childe leaned back against his chair, his tone softening now. "She gives me whatever I want. Lets me have some control over my life. Lets me fight. But she also protects those who belong to her. She's stern and callous and can be this terrifying larger than life figure but that does not mean she is going to go down the same path as her family."

"… you can't be so sure of that."

"Just like you can't be so sure that she will turn out like her family. I believe in what I see. Maybe she puts on a certain façade in front of us but so what if she does? She still treats us better than anyone else would."

Scaramouche cant find it in himself to refute anything Childe says. He pointedly ignores the underlying truth in Childe's words. It doesn't matter if you've never laid a finger on him or even so much as spend time alone with him. You're royalty. You're part of the imperial family. That automatically makes you a terrible person in scaramouche's eyes.

Scaramouche was dragged out of his thoughts by the scraping of a chair against the floor as Childe stood up. He stretched his arm above his head before resting a palm on Scaramouche's shoulder, ignoring the flinch that came from Scaramouche.

"If you want to ask anything? Or If you want to try something? Anything? I'm sure she will listen if you ask. You just got to be brave enough to do it." Childe winked at him as walked out of the room, humming happily.

Scaramouche ignored the subtle blow to his character from Childe. He was fine the way he was now. He was fine staying in his room and being an easily forgettable presence (no, he wasn't). He was fine not getting close to you or the others in the harem. Keeping to himself is how he has survived everything he has been through, so he will do what he has always done.

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Scaramouche kept his eye trained on the plate, ignoring the simmering of anger and something else in his gut that he can't name. It was dinner. He dreaded dinner because he was forced to sit with everyone - with you, even though he is about seven seats away. You barely said a word. If it wasn't for the heaviness in the air he might have been able to ignore you and pretend but your presence always left an uncomfortable weight settling around his body - like your engulfing him; all around him no matter how far away he stands.

He wonders if the others feel it. If they do they don't care; or rather revel in the feeling. It just makes him overly conscious.

His hand clenches around the fork in his one hand, turning pale due to the strength as he has to listen to the incessant chattering of the others. It grates on his nerve, rubbing him raw as he has to listen to the happiness that flits from every voice he hears - yet he doesn't hear yours.

He startles as a hand clasps on his shoulders, a good portion of eyes also landing on him. He blinks a few times barely realize someone was calling him. His eyes land on Childe first because of course it does. He then looks to see Venti (fuck), Heizou (double fuck), and finally Itto (well now the world is just being cruel) sitting across from him.

Childe is leaning back in his chair, two of the legs lifting off the ground. "You really have no filter."

It took Scaramouche a moment to realize Childe wasn't talking to him but rather Itto who had an annoying innocent smile on his face. Venti looked somewhere between interested but closed off. His body curls into itself, his shoulders hunching in such a small move that Scaramouche is sure he is the only one who noticed. In the back of his mind, he wonders if these kind of talks drag up old memories for the other concubine - not that he cared enough to learn anything about the others, he just happened to hear about it in passing. Heizou on the other hand has a shit-eating grin on his lips, teeth bared in laughter.

"I - " Itto gawked for a moment. "It's a perfectly normal question."

Scaramouche tried to refocus, to remember what was said but he couldn't.

"Maybe so but asking at dinner, really?"

"Where else am I going to ask? He scurries off like a little mouse whenever he's spots anyone. It's natural to want to know more about each other." Itto is wonderfully dense at times it seems like both a blessing and curse. Scaramouche wants to curse him out but there is no malice in Itto's tone, just genuine curiosity and his words curl uncomfortably in his throat.

"And asking about the time he spent with y/n? That's getting to know him?" Though it may sound like Childe is admonishing Itto, the smile on his lips says the exact opposite. Childe could careless, he was just enjoying the way this would egg on Itto and annoy Scaramouche.

"Besides everyone know he hasn't spent the night with her - or even an evening with her." Heizou was the one who spoke this time.

"That is none of your business!" Scaramouche sputtered out, his ears turning red.

"Seriously?" Itto turned to Scaramouche with wide-eyes. "Why not?" It was an innocent enough question but Scaramouche wouldn't answer - much less at the dinner table where everyone is basically in love with you and not to mention the fact that you are only seven or so seats separated from him.

"It's no use," Childe shrugged. "I've already asked him about it."

"You didn't ask, you interrogated me." Scaramouche gritted back.

Childe just waved a dismissive hand.

"Why complain. As far as I see it, that means more time for us." Heizou spoke up.

"Well yeah," Itto agreed. "But still… you should be able to experience things with her. I mean, you haven't even spent any time with her? At all?" Itto seemed genuinely curious but all Scaramouche could do was grind his teeth as his eyes narrowed at the plate in front of him. He focus on ignoring the embarrassment that caused him to want to curl up in his seat and well just die. He thinks that would be preferable over what he is currently going through. 

He's thankful that he is sat at the other end of the table. Maybe, just maybe there is a chance you didn't hear any of the conversations, the teasing aimed towards him. Yet he knows you did - that is if you decided it was important enough to listen to, you would.

Without meaning to his eyes flickered down to your end of the table. Your head was angled and he followed where he thinks your eyeline would be and landed on Aether and Tigh-nari who appear to be laughing together about something. You're face doesn't even twitch, your lips don't curve upwards but they don't frown either. It's completely neutral, just like it was when he first met you -  when he still belonged to Ei - but it didn't feel nearly as oppressive.

He didn't understand why. Nothing's changed. Not for him.

"I don't want to." He kept his voice low. "And I do not see how it is any of your business or why you keep bringing it up," He glared specifically at Childe who stared back at him.

Itto gaped at him for a second before he shook his head. "We're not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything. I didn't mean to imply anything lewd. But… you don’t want to be involved in anything - whether it is with the harem or y/n. You're going to spend the rest of your life here, with her, with us - with all of us, even the people who seem to be the hardest to get to know want you to be comfortable and happy here. Closing yourself off, distancing yourself… maybe you had to do it in the past but the people here,” Itto shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. “What I am trying to say is that no one here wants to hurt you or see you suffer."

The last thing Scaramouche needed is to be told this by Itto of all people. He wanted to scream. Wanted to rip his hair out. Most of all he wanted to rip out the longing that wracked through him at Itto's word. It felt like he was peering down into Scaramouche's soul and voicing out everything Scaramouche had pushed down. Tucked so deep inside of him that even he forgot.

When he was younger, that was all he wanted to hear. After he was taken the first time, he imagined  faceless people who accepted him and loved him but as months passed, then years and then he was sold to Ei, he forced himself to get rid of that pathetic yearning. People just weren't like that. People were selfish and cruel.

Yet, he saw it around the harem building and in the palace countless times. Thoma baking treats for the rest of the harem members just because. Venti who stayed up playing the flute for the others who couldn't sleep. Even Ayato - who Scaramouche deemed the most selfish - would cover the other harem members up in a blanket if they feel asleep anywhere. Aether, who knitted blankets in the winter, not only for the harem members but also for servants and staff.

You… you who never raised your voice at your harem members. You who took in a unconventional men - Itto, Venti - and never made them feel less than because of their background. You who carried them to their beds when they fell asleep. You who…

It doesn't matter. None of it matters. 

"You're sheltered. Naïve." Scaramouche forced out between his teeth. "We're not family. We're not brothers. We're all stuck under the whims of a women who could kill us with a thought." His voice increased in tone as he spoke. He wasn't shouting, but he was loud enough to draw attention to himself. "I will never think of myself as lowly as the rest of you do." He squeezed his eyes shut.

He was telling himself to shut up. Screaming at himself inside of his mind but he couldn't stop.

"I won't settle for debasing myself like the rest of you do. Especially for someone who doesn't even love you back."

There was a small cough and Scaramouche froze. It was silent - no one else at the table spoke and he could feel numerous eyes on him. The color drained from his skin as he hastily stood up, throwing the napkin on the table before quickly leaving the table. He didn't even care for protocol or for your dismissal.

As he fled down the halls, tears of anger and embarrassment burned behind his eyes but he didn't let them fall, even as they blurred his vision. The door slammed shut behind him and he collapsed against it, his head thumping against it as he cursed at himself. Cursed at the others for being so kind to him. Cursed at you for not being as horrible towards your harem as he wanted to believe you were.

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No one spoke to him the next day. Not that he made it easy. He hid in his room, ate his breakfast in his room, stared at the window in his room. He only ever saw the two servants assigned specifically for him. They even brought up dinner for him - telling him that you told them to do that. You probably didn't even want to see his face. He lashed out at the others concubines; concubines you cared about much more than you did him.

It still left an uncomfortable burning in his chest. He made himself vulnerable. He showed too much emotion, not just in front of one or two people but everyone in the harem and yourself. He might as well as starting weeping in front of all them as well.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He blinked, lifting his head from the pillow. He wondered who it was. Servants only knock out of politeness once before entering the room, other harem members just barge in at times. For a minutes he felt a tinge of fear thinking that it was you, but you wouldn't knock either - you had no reason to.

Scaramouche moved to open the door so only a sliver of light creeped through. The first thing he saw was the long red hair, pinned back and the red robe - It was Diluc.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly - like he was coaxing a wild animal. Scaramouche nodded and opened the door further to let him in.

Scaramouche bowed his head, his eyes lingering on the embroidered robe Diluc was wearing. His eyes trailed over the golden patchwork. There wasn't a single stand of hair out of place, everything was perfect. He was perfect.

Diluc's eyes glanced around the room but he said nothing. Scaramouche was expecting an admonishment, something about his bed being dirty or the left over plates on the bed but Diluc's eye's just skimmed right over them.

"I wasn't expecting company." It came out harsher than Scaramouche intended. He had never been alone with Diluc before; barely said a few words to him besides the first few days he was introduced into the harem. Diluc was either  busy, bustling about the harem building or he was by your side.

"I suppose I should have sent a servant or someone to tell you beforehand. I'm sorry if this seems abrupt, I just wanted to… see how you are doing."

"You mean after my outburst." Scaramouche forced out, his voice tight.

Diluc let out a soft, sympathetic sigh. "Yes, I suppose so. Though, I wasn't thinking about it as an outburst."

Scaramouche didn't care. If Diluc was here - all he could assume was one thing.

"So you're here to deal a punishment?"  

"A punishment?" Diluc tilted his head, confusion in his voice.

"I insulted the other concubines. I left before I was dismissed. It's your job isn't it? As the head consort - you deal out the punishments."

"You misunderstand." Diluc shook his head. "Can I sit?" He motioned towards a small couch that was placed in the room. Scaramouche nodded and Diluc sat down, his hands smoothing down his clothes.

"I am not here to give out a punishment. You are not the first to resort to insults or get angry at the others. It is natural that it happens when there are so many of us, and with such different personalities." Even as Diluc spoke, there was a small smile forming on his lips. He almost seems like he is reminiscing as he speaks of the harem members.

Scaramouche takes small steps until he is able to sit across from Diluc, keeping a good amount of distance between the two of them.

"So you decided to what? Come here out of the goodness of your heart." There was distain in his voice as he tried to figure out Diluc's true intentions. "Or are you here to defend the others? Defend y/n? If you are, you can leave. I don't want to hear it."

Diluc just gazed at him, no malice or annoyance in his eyes.

"I am not here to defend anyone. I am here because I wanted to check up on you. I know we haven't had a lot of chances to talk or even get to know each other - that's no ones fault - but, I would still like for you to be comfortable in the harem. Find some sort of enjoyment in the life you are now living."

Scaramouche stared at Diluc, scrutinizing him.

"Why are you all saying that?" He shook his head. "You, Itto, even Childe for fucks sake. All of you go around, stating that I should be happy and appreciate the life I am given." Scaramouche raised from his seat as he spoke. "But all of you - you guys have no idea about how awful this world truly is. How awful it can be. How things can change in a split second. How can you come in here and - and lecture me about life when you and all of the others are sheltered behind the whims of a cruel woman."

There was silence. Scaramouche words continued to float through both of their minds. If he wasn't getting punished, he definitely would now.

"You don't think we're not aware?" Diluc question is so simple and it sends a shiver down Scaramouche's body. There's no heat to his tone and Diluc doesn't appear to be angry. But the way he says it, the small almost pained smile that graces his face, it leaves Scaramouche stumbling over his words.

"I - I didn't mean - I mean…"

"It's okay." Diluc lifted a hand as if to placate him. Diluc's eyes shifted away, as if in thought, before looking back at Scaramouche. "I grew up in a family with three sisters. They were…. terrible. Terrible people. Terrible wives. I would see my brother in laws hiding bruising, hiding their pain. I would hear the comments my sisters directed towards their own husband - comments so degrading and humiliating that even as a young boy, I wanted to curl up and cry just from hearing their words. They would even let others say whatever they wanted. They never defended them. Never did nothing. In fact, sometimes my sisters would egg others on to say even worse."

Diluc remained poised as he talked but there was a shakiness in his tone that betrayed his feelings. Scaramouche's heart clenched in his chest - though, he is not sure why.

"For the first 18 years of my life I grew up around them. Grew up in a family that basically trained me to be a perfect husband, seeing me more as an investment to getting rich than an actual person." A sigh slipped past Diluc's lips. "What I am trying to say is: I know we have different experiences. Everyone in this harem has different experiences when it comes to our time before we entered the harem but try not to let it define how you are going to live the rest of your life. I can't tell you to trust me, or trust the others, or even trust Y/n, that’s a choice you have to decide whether you want to make or not."

Diluc stood up, his movements effortlessly beautiful. He stepped closer to Scaramouche but didn't touch him. "If you do decide to try, you can start with something small. I promise you that, as long it doesn't pose a threat to you or anyone in this palace, it will be fulfilled."

With a small bow of his head, Diluc moved passed him and towards the door. "I hope to see you at dinner tomorrow."

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Start small. Start small. Scaramouche repeated those words inside of his head before letting out an annoyed, disgruntled sound.

His hands gripped at the strands of his hair, longer than he has ever been allowed to grow it out, as he paced around the room. The only light shining through is the moon and the stars - they are the only one's baring witness to his meltdown.

He doesn't want to. Actually, he does. He just doesn't want to admit it. Admitting it would mean allowing everything he pushed down into the small crevices inside of him would come spilling out. One at a time, slowly, over time until he can't stop it and he is overflowing with all the pain and loneliness that he thought he had moved on from.

He wants friends. He wants to be loved. He wants to be cared for. He wants to do things; explore, paint, learn to ride a horse. He wants it so bad that it makes him sick. He wants to be involved. He wants to believe that he is worth more than the shiny collar that used to be fastened around his neck - signifying that he is nothing more than a prize without a voice, without a say.

Not is, he tells himself. Was. He was nothing more than a prize. But, he doesn't have to be. Not if he decides to at least try what everyone else has been telling him.

But what if it goes wrong?

He can handle being dismissed and looked down on right now. He just stuffs the anger and despair down alongside everything else. But if he opens himself up; allows himself to possibly believe that maybe he can fit in and be accepted for himself, and it all turns to nothing… he isn't sure if he will be able to pick himself up again.

It is either do this one thing or don't do it. It's simple. The choice is simple. Pick one, ignore the other, that is all he has to do. It doesn't even have to be a lot of words, just go up, say what he needed to say then leave. If worse comes to worse, he could say the others encouraged him - that Diluc encouraged him. That would at least get you to think before you decided to lash out and punish him for interrupting you with nonsense.

"fuck, fuck, fuck," Scaramouche groaned as if he was in a lot of pain, a string of profanities leaving him, something he would never do in the presence of others.

--------------------------------------------------------------

He stared at the bronze door in front of him, his eyes narrowed. He pointedly ignored the guards who stood at each end of the halls. He also ignored the looks sent his way when he entered the hall that led to your room. He wonders what is going through their mind when they look at him.

That he is desperate. Pitiful.

Maybe that he finally degraded himself enough to be used.

He raised a hand, his hands forming a fist as he prepared to knock on the door. He stilled right before he brought his fist down. What is he doing? What if you're not even in there? What if you just send him away without allowing him to say anything?

Nope. He's not going to allow that. He is not going to allow you to not listen to him when he had worked up the courage to come all the way up to your room - a place he spend his entire time in the harem ignoring.

Instead of rapping his knuckles against the door, his hand grabbed the two handles and pushed the door open.

It wasn't what he was expecting.

Well, he wasn't sure what he was expecting but not this.

You're room looked every part like it belonged to royalty but there was something else that left it looking almost cozy. In between all the furnished gold, there was tea placed on the table (two cups) and a half-eaten cake. There was a pale-blue silk robe thrown over the couch which he knew belonged to Ayato. There was cushions thrown on the floor along with a blanket. Leaning on the floor against one of the walls he saw numerous painting - some finished, some not - but none of them look like the ones seen hanging up in the halls of the palace.

He couldn't continue to look around the room before one of your personal servant's drew his attention. The servant startled at Scaramouche's unplanned and borderline inappropriate entrance into the room - a resort building on their lips but they quickly clamp their mouth shut as a voice - your voice - echoes from another room.

"Its fine. Leave us."

For a moment he thought you were talking to him but just as quickly the servant bowed to him, though their face screwed up. Their lips pursed like they were looking at some annoying pest. Since you were still in the adjacent room, Scaramouche felt brave enough to send a glare at the servant.

Concubine beats servant - even servants who work directly under you.

He can't lie, it felt nice to do that.

He was left alone in the room now. His feet were frozen to the floor as his eyes lingered on the open doorway, fluorescent light spilling out and into your bedroom. You were in there. You knew he had entered your room and you haven't told him to get out. Not yet at least.

"Are you just going to stand there? Or did you barge into my room without a reason? Unless you finally decided to give up the whole 'Don't talk to me. Don't touch me.' facade. I thought you'd hold out longer."

He flushed as you spoke. Both from anger and embarrassment at being called out. His feet carried him towards the entrance of the doorway, a resort building on his lips.

"I have in no way come here to spend time with you or be... touched."

"But you do want to talk." It wasn't a question. You seemed to already know why he had stormed into your room and now...

His eyes widened.

He had walked right into your bathroom and there you were. You were in a huge tub, naked but the water and suds covered you from the neck down. You still had your eye's covered as well.

His brain failed him. He couldn't form any words and a redness blossomed on the tip of his ears.

"You're leering."

"I am - I am not." He sputtered.

"Wanna join me?"

"Absolutely not."

You shrugged. "Then you're going to just stand there?"

"I - no I am not. I just came to -"

"To what?"

Scaramouche pursed his lips. His eyes flicker around the room, looking everywhere but at you.

"Diluc," he figured this would be the safest way to start. "Diluc said I should come and talk to you. The others did as well."

He trailed off awkwardly, expecting you to say something to him but you didn't. Instead you just leaned back against the tub.

"I wasn't going to."

You just hum.

"I thought it was a ridiculous idea but I just want to make things clear. I - I am not here to be one of your bodies to use. Or for you to assume that I am going to do whatever you ask me just because you're... you. I've spent enough of my life being surrounded by women who try to dictate everything about my life from what I eat to what I wear.

"I have no desire to understand you or get close to you. But I will apologize for the way I acted towards the others - your concubines and consorts, I mean. They - they are not you and just because I don't like you doesn't mean I should have been so... callous with the others and lashed out during dinner."

He let out a shuddering breath, a weight lifting from his chest as he said everything he wanted to say. He didn't realize just how nervous he actually was before coming into your room. His body feels limp.

You, however, didn't say anything for a short while.

In the back of his mind, he bet you enjoyed seeing him shift uncomfortably, a small sheen of sweat forming on his skin.

"Very well then."

He blinked at you.

"So that's it then." He stared at you, his eyebrows furrowing.

"That's it. Why? Where you expecting something else."

"Well no. I just - you're not angry. I mean at me insulting you earlier and then coming in here and basically saying I'll never," He trailed off, not sure why he was trying to explain anything to you - not when you don't seem to care.

You laugh softly. The sound ringing in his ears. "I was angry but not at what you said about me. You think you're words were insulting? They were the truth. Besides I've been called much worse." You shrug. "What I was angry at was your blatant disregard and disrespect for the others. But it appears that you've changed your mind and realize that you shouldn't blame them just because of your hate for me so no reason to linger in the past."

"You almost sound like you actually care about them." This slipped out before he even realized what he said. Perhaps after what he said earlier, after confronting you, he finds it harder to hold his tongue.

Your lips tighten but other than that you don't say anything. You don't agree or disagree with his statement.

"So you don't love them? Even though all of them seem like they are deeply in love with you."

You don't answer and Scaramouche thinks he screwed up.

"Does love have to be the only reason I take care of those under me? Can't there be any other reason?"

"Selfishness? Control? Pride?" Scaramouche spoke without thinking.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Scaramouche swears he see's your lips twitch. "I may not love them but they're mine. I protect what's mine."

So, he was right about some things.

"So it is pride and ego."

"…"

"…"

You shift in the tub, your head falling back against the marble. His eyes flicker down to your throat, watching as a bead of water travels down your skin before snapping his eyes back to your face.

"Most of them are innocent to the truth of the world." You broke the silence after a minute.

"They know men are deemed lesser in this society but they haven't experiences the harshness that the world can offer. Not like you have or Venti or Diluc."

He doesn't see how this answers his previous questions.

"Do I love them? No. I don't believe I am capable of loving anything. But, I care about them. About what they can do - both for me and for themselves. I don't want them to whither away in a society that takes everything from them and become a shell of who they are and what they want to be in the future."

Your fingers drum against the marble of the tub, a small sound echoing in the bathroom.

"You see me as a horrible, cruel person and in some ways, I would say its true. I don't care about the lives of people outside of this palace - not even the people I am meant to. I don't feel anything when I take the lives of others - whether they are enemies or just people fighting because they have to. Sometimes, I even enjoy it. That alone would have everyone labeling me as cruel and even sadistic and I would agree. However, I protect them, ensure they have a good life because I need to. I need their support. But… the people in this palace - they are my people. I want to keep them happy, keep them sheltered, keep them protected; and I'll do whatever that takes in order to guarantee that."

Your head lifts from where it was resting against the tub. He can't see your eyes, the cloth still covering them, but he can feel your gaze penetrating him. The sudden pressure around him is becoming a constant whenever you decide to gaze at him.

"Now, that includes you too. You were a war prize originally, that much is true. You were a means to insult Ei but now you are one of my people. You may just be a concubine but I don't want you clinging to your old life and your old ways of thinking that you need to isolate yourself to survive."

He hated the way you see through him. This is the most you've talked to him - ever; and yet you read him without a problem. It leaves him feeling naked and bared in front of you, even with all of his clothes still on.

"Think what you want about me. I don't care. But the others, they are good and pure and kind. At least open yourself up to them. Each of them will take you in with open arms and love and care about you in ways you may have forgotten."

Scaramouche wasn't sure how to reply to all that. You weren't being vulnerable or even truly opening up to him but there was something in your words that left him shifting on his feet.

"And if I don't want to?" His voice came out shakier than he wanted. His eyes glued to his feet rather than looking at you.

"Then don't. Spend the rest of your time in the harem alone and miserable." You waved a hand like it meant nothing to you.

"I can make sure your fed and healthy but other than that everything else is you're choice."