#I'm probably going to nap now
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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Family ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Isabeau#Mirabelle#Odile#I have not been able to stop drawing Sif's black ensemble under their cloak ever since I learned about it#The cutest#His favourite colour is black and he wears all black and he dyed his hair black so now it's two-tone!#Stopppp that's too cute#Got curious and yes - fully black-haired Sif is Very cute <3 Contrast lad#Pls gentle touches to Sif they deserve soft holds <3#I'm really happy with their hand expressions there ah Isa's big hands and Sif's small and cute#They love each other!! However whichever way <3#The posing for Sif and Mira is awkward because I was trying to draw the one with them hugging and failed lol#So they're just existing in proximity and happy about it <3 Just being together is fun!#I do love Sif getting practice in on positive touch but also just being nearby and being happy <3#Good company for certain#Can you tell I'm less practiced at drawing Odile so far lol#She is pretty <3 I didn't fully understand the lesbian catnip comments at first but I think I get it now lol#Her flyaways are probably my favourite hehe <3 Gotta draw her with crows feet sometime! Lovely ♪#I love her watching out for the younger members of the party in her cool and dry way hehe - Sif is sleepy! But he needs a push to go nap#There's the hug yaaay <3#I like everyone's outfits very much but I will admit to not using references when I drew Mira :'D More the vibes of her clothes lol#I'll draw them proper sometime!#Odile's outfit is very pretty <3 I love all the allusions to gems ah it's so cool#Such a lovely bunch!
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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I am at the eye doctor
I dragged my ass out of bed and made it to the dang eye doctor on time
The hardest part of my day is done
#now i just have to have my retinas photographed and do the periphery vision game#already had the air puff eye pressure test. which is the main reason i'm here#i have elevated intraocular pressure and i'm diabetic so i am on Glaucoma Watch#weeeeeee#mod post#i am so tired my dudes#yesterday was a lot and then i had trouble getting to sleep on time. and then i kept waking up#can't wait to go home and rewatch the new dungeon meshi with hubby#and just chill... and probably nap
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I dunno why but I keep thinking abt the way I used to spend my nights two years ago
I remember around 6-7pm (in the autumn/winter) or 7-8pm (in the spring/summer), I'd lock my bedroom door, bring my tablet and headphones up with me onto the roof and play songs that I liked I watched the sun set. The songs were mostly either sapphic-coded (like sofia by clairo, strawberry blonde by chloe moriondo, etc.) or something ambient and soothing to me (like colorful interlude by sublime jupiter or rhubarb/#3 by aphex twin). I don't remember why though..I guess I just liked those types of songs back then xp
sometimes I'd bring my sketchbook with me too and sketch out random things like landscapes or characters from fandoms I was in at the time. Or I'd bring my journal and write about my completely nothing day. Most of the stuff I wrote was about the same but it's still nice to look back at them :3
Was it the safest for 14 year old me to just chill on the roof? Probably not. But tbh I didn't care at the time xD I honestly wouldn't have minded dying there.
I was at like.a reaaaaally low point in my life. Probably at my worst. Like I would cry everyday over little things and I found it extremely difficult to take care of myself. I guesss when I was out there on my roof watching the sun set with nice music in my headphones I actually felt..peace?? for once?? I dunno how to explain but it was suuuper nice I remember ^^ and it was nice to let out good cries up there.
I guess I can't help but remember this fondly and find it kinda nostalgic even though it was only two years ago and when I was not.doing great :'D I'm better nowadays luckily but hadhehdjwd makes me emotional sometimes.
#btw if you're wondering why I don't go up on my roof anymore#it's bcz I had a time where I like.never opened the window to go up there#and now when I open it I see a bunch of cobwebs and it's very dirty#IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED IN THE SPAN OF A FEW MONTHS BUT YK WHAT I'M NOT DOING AS BAD AS WAS 2 YEARS AGO#I DONT NEED THE ROOF THAT BAD BABDHHEBHQHSWH#I also really liked going up there when it rained!#was it the best idea? no#but I did it anyway xD#idk how my tablet and headphones survived considering they aren't waterproof to my knowledge but whateves#I especially loved the rain droplets all over my window#bcz then I could draw some stuff on my window!#it wasn't anything revolutionary obvs. just stick ppl but it was something!#I think I took a picture of one of the drawings but it's on my old tablet :[#maybe I could find it if I charged that tablet and scrolled far enough tho#IDRK WHY I'M WRITING THIS#I just wanted to.put it somewhere ig?? xD#I mean I wasn't planning on taking it to the grave with me and I've never gotten to talk about it so yeahhh#I never napped up there btw#I'm surprised tbh xD#maybe it was the fear of rolling off#speaking of tho I'll probably head to sleep soonnnnn I still need to fix my sleep schedule#~
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#well after an hour and a half of sobbing and hyperventilating and a 2 hour nap#i feel... better?#not really. i still want to kill myself and i still think like absolutely nothing matters#i also have a killer headache now (probably cause i was too busy cryong to have lunch)#and i still have an important email to reply to (which i will do tomorrow i guess)#but yeah... it was an experience#sorry for the many vent posts today#i'm not having a nice time lol#but it's fine#i'm actually fine#i won't actually kill myself so no worries there#i'm just dramatic and also in the worlds of freddie mercury#i don't want to die i just wish i'd never been born at all 👌🏻#anyways.. i'm gonna go ignore all my problems now and play some minecraft#that will solve things lol#angel talks#personal
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Snippet Sunday 29/12
Hello here is. a? Halliel sword fight scene? It isn't the one I started writing last week and it also isn't the one I intended to write, so
There will be at least three Halliel sword fights for you eventually lmao
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Halliel side-stepped, slapping her opponent's shoulder as he lunged into her space.
He stumbled, recovered, tried to shoulder-barge her.
Halliel was already pushing back, wings opening in a reflexive movement to make herself look bigger.
Her opponent - dog-formed, his ears tipped back and short tail stiff behind him - shook his head and dropped back to a starting position.
Halliel reset her grip on her sword, tilting her head to watch.
He was light on his feet, quiet against the murmur of the spectators. Fast, with the muscles to back it up.
She couldn't remember his name. They had been introduced.
Halliel stepped in, meeting his position with the next sequence. This was a show, it was just entertainment, there were rules.
He broke them immediately, jumping from second to fifth to a new set entirely.
Halliel gritted her teeth, blade screeching against his in a hasty block that had her staggering back.
She steadied herself with a swirl of her wings, beating up the dust on the ring around them.
He smirked at her, sword point lowering to the ground. Blood running down its edge.
There was a thin burn in Halliel's leg, a rip in the fabric of her trousers.
When had he…?
Halliel spread her wings and threw herself three paces to the side and then into the air, twisting over to bring her sword down at his head.
If he wasn't going to play by the rules, then why should she?
He blocked, arching backwards, sword flat against the gloved palm of his hand as Halliel pulled back to correct her flight.
For a second, she thought she saw Syn amongst the audience, but those antlers weren't nearly branching enough.
She landed in time to divert his next hit and folded her wings out of the way.
He was baring his teeth in something that could have been a grin.
Halliel didn't bother responding in kind; she set up the next set of attacks and pressed in, pushing him back to the edge of the ring, not giving him space to change the name of it all. Her wings were rising again, spreading out, eclipsing him in her shadow.
The bell pealed out, signalling the end of their bout.
Halliel stepped back, pulled her wings back in, returned to rest.
Her opponent straightened up, lowering his sword. "A good match," he said, winded.
Halliel nodded. "Yes," she replied, remembering her manners. "You had some… elegant switches."
He laughed. "I'd be interested," he said, stepping to her side and bowing to their audience together, "in another match. Perhaps without the rules of a showcase involved."
Halliel snorted. "So you have less to pay attention to?"
"So you can make better use of your wings," he returned.
"I'll think about it."
The prince and Rion were approaching. He had the dragon touched bodyguard at his shoulder today, and they were watching Halliel like they were sizing her up for a fight of their own.
She wanted to fight them so badly but she hadn't seen their name on the list of fighters.
Coward.
#snippet sunday#shapeshifter wip#Halliel#Halliel continues to want to beat Lance into the ground#This is after their first meeting as it were#just a short wee thing bc. I started this last night. and I am so tired still aha#anyway. finished five seconds ago. There are probably mistakes#n yes we start in the middle of it all. I'll backtrack eventually but for now it's all good#also I thought I'd lost the file so that was fun!#the folder was organised differently. Also all the files do not have. particularly useful names. so.#I'm gonna go grab like a mince pie and the notebook and finish off something else. maybe have a nap.#not sure how long I have the house to myself actually
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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Operation 1st Grimoire is C O M P L E T E! It took me forever to organize and recheck my writing to write everything for N. And to gather all the ingredients. But it felt so nice to do something for someone in my circle who is so good to me and mine. Meeting everyone at the bowling alley and giving my gift wasn’t necessarily on my plan but I was just excited to hand it over. And he seems to really appreciate it. It made the hard work and two monsters worth it instead of the nap I wanted to have. It’s always worth it just to see the look on someone’s face holding an act of love. And now maybe N can be like me too. Or at least understand. We’re both humans. I don’t know if N has magic under their skin like I do though.
That is going to be interesting to see. But I do think something will transpire.
I can’t wait to see it happen. It will be like watching the clouds gather to start the rain.
The drive there was fine except for the heart attack Cr gave me. I thought something had happened. She doesn’t know when she’s being too rough. She doesn’t ever know when to stop. That not everyone can take what she can dish. I was scared that he would be….gone. Broken. But my Cr is tough. Took my worries and soothed them because he was as okay as he could be. But…looking into his eyes I just. I remember it all now that I have to live with her in my space. I need a new box. I can’t let my guilt over what happened…over the past hurt anyone. Hurt Cr, my best friend. Just because there was a….anyways. Friday is sleepover night with Cr. and i will take full advantage.
Ca also has me a little worried. I haven’t seen her but I will tomorrow in class. I hope she takes me seriously and saves me a seat. It will be nice to get my eyes on her and make sure she’s okay. My other sweetie who needs a break. Maybe if I booked them both a game night?
Not that anyone will let me do anything tonight. Cr let it slip that I only had two hours of sleep so N and G both decided to try and baby me.
…
Okay that was harsh, it's just-hard. To accept help. And it’s Pablo. I don’t ever want to see Pablo hurt. But Ir really pointed out G was the only one who could drive me home. I don’t know how HE plans on getting home if he drives me home. But of course no one thinks about the fact we have Nahuals out there with our scents and a hive mind. But they all used Ir on me with the saddest face you can imagine. And making Ir sad is not on my list of things I need to do. Ir decided to soothe my ego by accepting my offer to sit on my lap and play games with me.
And Ir is the sweetest. It felt nice to have something weighing on me physically and grounding me while also watching them see the colors on the screen. But something spooked G. He just almost bolted. A part of me wonders if N and I didn’t reach out with words or a small hand hold if he would have left. I hope not. But Ir left with him and that makes me feel better. And N and I…I don’t know what exactly is happening but it’s nice to know we’re both on the same page of being both equally confused but accepting G is not a toy to be fought over. That we were friends. It’s so nice to have a friend again. Not a best friend like Cr maybe but give N enough time and I don’t doubt the guy will make his way into my too soft heart.
I can like G all I want but that’s my problem and my secret. Not a very well kept one if Ca and Cr have their way about it but it’s mine nonetheless. And it feels so nice. Like a little seed inside the earth about to sprout. But it’s mine. I don’t need anything from it. It’ll just be a nice addition to the garden of feelings I didn't expect to have. A nice little rose to admire. He wanted normal just as desperately as I did. And I don’t want to take that from him. I can be his normal and be happy. I can’t stop flirting with him but I can make sure it stays friendly if that’s what he needs. Because what he doesn’t need is me complicating his life.
Or his reputation. The guy is already fighting against J+A and R. Being around me makes that worse. Me acting on any feelings besides platonic makes it way worse. I don’t want to be selfish like R and just take something because I want it with no regard to the other person. I want to be different than I was back then. I used to think I could have my cake and eat it too. But now, I’d rather just sit at the table then try and reach for that again. Not unless someone reaches first.
I really need a new purple box don’t I?
#don't look at my attachment style#I know I'm avoiding things#but nooooo one but me can make me#I probably just need a nap#I'm emotional because I'm sleepy#clearly that's all#not excited about new friends and new friends for my BFF and maybe a crush#I'm going to shut up now#N if you read this and try and talk to me about it I'm stealing your keys#Let me pretend no one knows about this
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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watched The Librarians again, damn I love Jenkins
#the one with the contract#ahhhh I'm losing my mind#wait I think that's the one that first made me go 'waaaait. Jenkins 🤔 😳? 🥵?!'#now I'm watching night court. hehe Dan is so gross 🥰#anyway man I'm so stupid#when the librarians have to have a nap at he end of the episode? and he pulls the blanket over Ezekiel? and touches Jake's back? haha yeah#I'm totally fine that didn't kill me or anything#or before that when he saved them? hahaha#yeah I didn't even have a chance :')#surprisingly him and Cassandra at that party did nothing for me. if anything it just made me go 🤨. probably because she did the voice. I#don't like that voice#though he was.. very Jenkins.#🥰🥰
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The urge to write what Yanqing was going through while everyone thought that Ajay was dead for the hurt/comfort is strong
#[ 🎭 ] the unloving god talks#[🪀] hsr ajay thoughts#lil dude got told that his sibling was fatally wounded and in a cacoon and I find that interesting#On one hand sure he may care for Ajay but he's no stranger to death and mortality so it's not like he'd be devastated#He'd probably be more somber than anything#I'm too tired to think too much about this I need a Nap#Grief must get weird when you're a lieutenant that lives longer than your average human#You either see people die in battle or to mara or you simply out live them entirely#Okay I'm going to sleep now
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That moment when you're going through your fourth identity crisis of the year
#Just the constant#'what am i?????'#going through your head#It was a gender crisis first#then a sexuality crisis#and now we're circling back to the gender#I have like-two trans friends#and rn#I have no idea if i'm jealous of them or not#like-#transgender#is that it????#there was also that week when I stayed up at night thinking about women#Parents occasionally talk about when i get married to a man#not if#'WHEN'#Which i wouldn't mind#but like-#women dude#...#so i'm probably bi#the magical#bisexual#hurrah#....#yeah i need a nap
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I've got mozzarella balls on my mind💭💭💭
#those microwavable ones that take like 60 seconds specifically#the cheese tastes so artificial and the bread tastes like nothing to ne but MAN.. IT'S SO GOOD.....#I WANNA MAKE SOME SO BAD BUT AM TOO SCARED TO GO DOWNSTAIRSSS#I gotta suck it up tho......for the mozzarella balls#and then I'll probably take a nap I'm done with bein awake for now BAHSHSJD
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ok friday night and saturday afternoon's fevers were definitely the worst thing bc they frightened me but i'm also not enjoying the burning sensation in my sinuses, or the soreness in my stomach muscles from coughing, or the (related??) nausea and tightness from this morning and also right now
#i'm learning: any time my answer to the question 'how are you feeling' is just 'idk‚ bad' and i can't provide any details that means i#need to check my temperature bc it's probably time for more ibuprofen#yeah yeah 'go to sleep sigma' i know but i napped earlier and now i can't#vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas#plagueblogging
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I feel like the weight of the last week is finally hitting me and I maybe need to sleep for 48 hours but I just drank a ton of caffiene so I guess I'm gonna read instead.
#maybe next time I go thru a natural disaster bandaging my emotions with memes is not the way#the problem is that when people around me are panicking my natural response is to be calm#its not so much a 'mom friend' function as a 'someone's gotta lead and everyone else is falling apart so I guess its gotta be me' function#so anyway the last week I have been holding myself and my neighbors together and now its friday and I am alone and its all kinda hitting#im emotionally fine I'm just EXHAUSTED#and I'm trying not to focus on the 'what ifs' but i could have lost my house#i could have lost my car#i almost did#tbh I probably could have died last saturday in the chaos of the disaster#and everyone was panicking so much that I am only just now getting to process#ANYWAY HAHA#sorry to get personal#tags on my blog are my journal sorry#personal#prolly gonna delete this later after a hot nap#but I gotta burn off the caffiene first
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