#I'm not talking about preferring one over the other I'm talking about debating who is BETTER as if that isn't subjective???

[svnflowermoon]

i'm so sick of people putting successful female artists against each other as if they can't both be talented at the same time, some of y'all jump at literally any chance to bring one woman down with the disguise of bringing another up and it pisses me off

[moineauz]

જ⁀ 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 , various !

synopsis: his voice lines about you as his beloved partner

including: veritas, jing yuan, blade

side comments: dw i promise i'm working on the house of musica requests... i just wanted to do this for fun! also this is the first time I've written for jing yuan which is kinda funny. i liked writing for blade again. originally i had welt and aventurine in the mix but i wanted to post this hahaha.

extra: gn reader, angsty and fluffy moments, mentions of marriage, aventurine jumpscare later favourites: blade word count: roughly 2,085+

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎

WHO ARE THEY? I "So you're asking about my significant other? Are you shocked that I have a significant other? At the very least consider your question."

FIRST MEETINGS? "I met Professor ( Name ) when they barged into my lecture, they said they were 'lost'. Since then we had several heated debates academically. Have I lost in these debates? Several times yes, consequently making debating with them all the more... interesting. Especially considering that Professor ( Name ) has a well-rounded vault of knowledge in most subjects of academic and social relevance. Finally, a conversation worth my time.

GREETINGS? "Professor ( Name ) considers a good greeting the highest attribute. A curt smile and a cup of coffee suffice, thankfully they know when to remain silent. However, there are instances when they will talk relentlessly. Initially, I used my headpiece around them. Nevertheless, their conversations do occasionally convey subtle insightfulness and definite meaning. Gradually I have come to share some liking towards their rather pleasant 'small talk'."

PARTINGS? "A small kiss on the cheek: be it on my skin or the headpiece, that is all. However, I... have always preferred it on the skin."

ABOUT US: ART "Outside of ( Name's ) academic career, they share a peculiar fondness for art. Be it painting or sculptures they could very well get lost in a museum. When they discovered my fondness for sculptures and anatomy, they were... oddly quiet; tracing their hands over my sculptures- or my face to be exact. ( Name's ) admiration is always shown in silence, one of the greatest forms of praise.

ABOUT US: TRUE APPEARANCES "I have questioned how ( Name ) has perceived our relationship. Considering that we are both colleagues, it can lead to speculation amongst other *sighs* inappropriate comments. Hence, I prefer to keep our relationship known only to those who need to. I believe them to be devout and... undoubtedly caring. I hope my attitude towards them conveys a similar message.

CHAT: WORK "Although we teach different subjects, we occasionally mark or review the work of our students. You may call it a 'second opinion'. Thus, their opinion is one that I trust."

CHAT: SERVICE "( Name's ) actions can initially appear simple-minded. However, underneath simplicity, lies thoughtfulness beyond comparison in both work... and at our residence.

PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Film is not an art I deliberately take part in or seek out for leisure. However, ( Name ) was quite adamant and passionate about film. Thus, we've watched a myriad amount of films and TV shows together, both acclaimed and disdained. I have my own varying opinions. I must admit, after a long bath, a film in bed is quite soothing. Considering that ( Name ) similarly enjoys the pleasure of a bath, our nighttime routine is undoubtedly satisfying."

ARGUMENTS: "One must always think before they speak for there is a price to pay. ( Name's ) silence is decisive, deliberate and painful; burning right through your chest. Debates are loud, quarrels are bitterly silent."

SOMETHING TO SHARE: "Solitude is the greatest gift to civilization and self: introspection enlarges the expanse of the mind. However, the pursuit of knowledge is not only found in discovery and text. It is through experience alone. I have found much knowledge in solitude and an equal amount through genuine companionship. Hence, I share my deepest revere. "

WHO ARE THEY? II "My lover. That is who they are to me and all you need to know."

EXTRA: AVENTURINE'S OPINION "I met Ratio's lover when I visited for business matters. But, all that went out of the door! I saw a lovely individual by his desk and thought, 'Who is this?' Ratio never, and I mean never, allows anyone to screw his desk up. Yet, here they were, seated at the edge of his desk toying with his stupid chalk greeting me with a bright smile. We immediately hit off. I suppose Ratio does have some luck in him, but then again, ( Name ) was the one who first asked him out. Less to do with luck, and more to do with destiny. In my opinion, destiny is not something I fully believe in, however, when I watch Ratio and ( Name ), it's difficult to imagine a universe where they aren't together."

𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐔𝐀𝐍

WHO ARE THEY? I "You are looking for Commander ( Name )? Sadly they're on a business trip, however, I'd be happy to answer in their place."

FIRST MEETINGS? "( Name ) is an interesting soul. I've heard of their praised skills in combat and decisive thinking. Many assume I met them on the battlefield. Yet, I met them over a coincidental cup of tea."

GREETINGS? “I find it amusing how our everyday greetings have evolved. At first it was a salute. However, I find that a kiss on the cheek is a much more efficient way of greeting and brightening up the mundane tasks *sighs* of work.”

PARTINGS? “Why bid farewell when one hasn’t said hello? Partings have always been bitter. Yet, I find comfort in knowing that all things lead back from whence they came.”

ABOUT US: AGE “Time for long life species is fickle and plainly slow. Despite that, ( Name ) has constantly made time— less daunting and more fun. ( Name’s ) life span… is a touch shorter than that of myself. Hence, they have brought forth a new value in every passing year to which I cherish. This year I plan on doing something special for their birthday— though, don’t tell them that.”

ABOUT US: SILENCE "As much as ( Name ) glows in social settings, they equally enjoy stillness, if not more. There never is any obligation to fill the void when we're together. It is as natural of an act as breathing.

CHAT: PRODUCTIVITY "( Name ) likes to be on task. I, however, don't always find leisure in such activities. ( Name ) quote, 'holds me accountable'. Of course, there are moments in which I can distract them."

CHAT: FELINES "They are quite fond of Mimi. Unfortunately, Mimi is rather... aggressive when around ( Name ) and has been for a considerable amount of time. One time ( Name ) was attempting to bargain with Mimi for her favour. *Chuckles* What a sight.

PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Master Diviner Fu Xuan would frown upon it... but I suppose napping on the Seat of Divine Foresight is considered a 'pastime' when done regularly enough."

ARGUMENTS: "I do not attempt to quell the frustrations of my dearest. It is not often they disclose them to me and it does pain me to be the cause of their anger. Nevertheless, if it means the two of us will grow closer, then I will gladly offer myself to the brute force of my dearest. Of course, the swelling of regret still stains the heart."

SOMETHING TO SHARE: I've lived one life yet many all at once. Companions scattered amongst the universe and enemies whose names I've gradually forgotten. Yet, underneath the breath of my dearest, I'm simply a man in his spouse's embrace. Nothing else matters."

WHO ARE THEY? II "My most loving spouse."

EXTRA: FU XUAN'S OPINION "When Commander ( Name ) came into the Seat of Divine Foresight to help the General... he grew all the more 'lazy'. A part of me feels sympathetic towards Commander ( Name ), imagine having your own spouse bully you into doing your work? Alas, it's not my business to speak about their marital life. Besides, the two go hand in hand, like a puzzle piece clicking together. Both can do well without, but when joined together, they are a force to be reckoned with."

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄

WHO ARE THEY? I "Their weapon may be thin, but it pierces holes even in the most... stubborn of enemies."

FIRST MEETINGS? "Elio's script is always followed. However, ( Name ) is a detail I did not anticipate or was foretold. My body met the tip of their spear before I saw their face."

GREETINGS? "Over time ( Name ) has grown close to the Stellaron Hunters- especially Kafka. Their presence is imminent despite not being a Stellaron Hunter themselves. ( Name ) smiles whenever we meet, it has always been more than enough."

PARTINGS? "My promised end will come, yet an absurd inkling of regret remains."

ABOUT US: THE BLADE "( Name ) believes the blade to be a form of art. They had said, 'The blade dances in air with undisturbed poise and precision, a kind of mercy not known to themselves.' I asked them why they chose a spear then. They replied, 'Because I could never dare replicate it's beauty.'"

ABOUT US: WOUNDS "( Name ) never wanted to be a traveller, rather, they opted to string fabrics together with a needle and thread. Perhaps that is where their skills come from."

CHAT: MIDNIGHT "The mara is like a ghost. Yet, ( Name ) is a fool. They embrace the ghost I can't seem to remember other than its bottomless spite and fear."

CHAT: SCARS "Their hands never 'keep to themselves'. ( Name ) prefers to trace their hands over surfaces and make shapes. They tend to draw stars... so many stars."

PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "When there are no missions, we sleep in silence. Under the guise of sleep and their warmth, immortality does not follow me."

ARGUMENTS: "When all is said and done, silence remains."

SOMTHING TO SHARE: "If there is life after death, then I wish to meet them in the same manner, again and again with that smile and spear."

WHO ARE THEY II? "The person who taught me how to breathe and pressed their lips against my skin."

EXTRA: KAFKA'S OPINION "Blade will never admit it. But, ( Name ) cares for Blade and Blade does too. The pair will never put a name to the push and pull between them. I caught Bladie once; staring out into the open universe searching for something with a spark of life that doesn't belong to a dead body. I wonder if ( Name ) put that there."

masterlist.

[surielstea]

Your Needs, My Needs

Request made by @loving-and-dreaming

Pairing: Cassian x Fem!Reader

Summary: With the return of Cassian’s ex, Reader makes the decision to distance herself from him— but hasn’t expected him to notice.

Warnings: A teensy bit of angst, mostly fluff!

A. Note: Sorry this is so short, I just began writing for Kinktober and started pouring all my focus into that and totally forgot about my reqs, hope this is enjoyable nonetheless :)

1.3k words

The past week has been hell.

Cassian and I haven't touched or had a meaningful conversation in seven days. All due to the return of his ex.

Alora was back from her three-year-long expedition of traveling courts and making connections. Cassian and her called it off before she left, it seemed mutual, and neither of them was too broken up about it so when me and Cassian got much closer over those three years it hadn't felt wrong.

But now she was back, and I was determined to save myself from the heartbreak of being the other woman.

So I distanced myself, backed away, stopped my lingering stares and cuddling on the couches, and stopped the flirty teasing and banter altogether.

We sat in the training ring, panting and out of breath, drinking from our waters silently. We used to sit shoulder to shoulder— despite the heat emanating from our bodies, we preferred to be close, but now there was a noticeable gap between us and it cleaved my heart in two.

I glance over at the winged male to see him already gazing at me. I give him a polite smile, trying not to fumble with my water as I avert my stare and place the bottle down beside my feet.

"What are you doing?" He suddenly asks and my brows crease, glancing back over to him, the hurt expression on his rough yet handsome features.

"Trying to catch my breath?" I say through a slightly dramatized pant.

"That's not what I'm talking about. You've been avoiding me, what have I done?" He narrows his eyes on me and I huff, looking away, afraid he might be able to see right through me if I held eye contact.

"I haven't been avoiding you Cass, just, giving you space." I shrug, keeping my voice from wavering.

"One and the same, what did I do?" His blunt words struck me like a slap, a frown pulling at my lips.

"You didn't do anything." I shake my head, finally meeting his hazel eyes.

"Then why give me space?" It hurt more than I expected it to, to look into those eyes after so long, torture to be away from him for only just a week. I doubt I could even stomach being around him once he got back with Alora.

"Alora returned, Cass, I figured you'd want to pick up where you left off," I explain, remaining strong on my point.

"And what if I don't want that?" He stands, now looking down on me. I mirror his position, rising onto my feet yet he still remained looking down at his nose and I cursed his tall height.

"It's what you should want," I argue with narrowed brows.

"No, what I should want is what makes me happy." His voice brooked no room for argument as he took a step forward, and for a moment he looked like he was going to reach out towards me, then thought better of it. "And that's you." He confesses.

My heart stutters at his words, fingers twitching with the need to touch him. "Cass." I sigh, shaking my head.

"Don't 'Cass' me, sweetheart." He tilted his head down at me.

"She's better for you," I murmur, shrugging and fighting my need to wring my hands.

"You think I can't decide what's best for me?" He steps closer, a dangerous distance now between us.

"No,” I blurt, my brows bunching.” I'm just trying to make all of this easier." I huff, my bottom lip now protruding. I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to even be bothered to discuss it, I thought this was what he would want?

"Easier for who?"

His question was met with silence as I debated the question. I thought it’d be easier for him, I hadn’t realized he would notice my distance. I was only trying to save him from having that awkward conversation with me.

"I don't want her, I want you." He reaches out, his hands cupping my cheeks. I blink in surprise, a blush staining my cheeks. He wanted me?

"But, I thought—" I begin to say but he cuts me off.

"You thought wrong princess," He smiled arrogantly, but the line between his brows told me he was still distressed. "I didn't want to tell you, I thought you might realize on your own.” He said, then let out a soft chuckle as he added, "Figured the nicknames and cuddling was enough to give you a hint."

I avert my gaze, the burning on my cheeks starting to grow overwhelming. "Sorry," I utter, wrapping my arms around myself.

His hands slip from my cheeks to the nape of my neck, his thumbs tilting my jaw up, making me look at him. "Don't apologize just, please, no more distancing yourself from me,” He reasons and I frown.

"I was only trying to protect you, protect myself," I explain my stance on our argument still not satiated.

"I don't need protection, I need you." His hands tightened around the back of my neck but it didn’t hurt, it was a reassuring squeeze, a reminder. "I'm not going anywhere, alright?"

"Okay." I nod slowly, a soft smile spreading across my lips, one I haven’t given him in the past week.

He leaned closer and my breath hitched, eyes flicking down to his lips. “I’m going to kiss you now, is that okay?” He asks and I nod fervently. A wicked smile spreads over his lips at my reaction but doesn’t leave me waiting for long before his lips crash down onto mine.

The kiss was soft, yet passionate. He conveyed every neglected emotion in that kiss, how much he desperately needed me in the seven days I didn’t look or touch him, how depraved he was. His lips were skilled, and his tongue even more so as it slipped into my mouth. I sighed softly, allowing him to explore every crook and crevice, studying and memorizing it as if for later reminiscence.

“I missed you,” He whispers into my mouth and I giggle, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, my chest pressed into his.

"You're so clingy." I rolled my eyes, feigning annoyance. He smiled wildly at that, because despite the kiss, this was normal, the hugging and teasing, he hadn’t realized how much he cherished it until it disappeared.

"Gods, I missed you so much." He repeats, a cadence in his voice that sounded so genuine, making my frown return, my hand rubbing circles on the back of his shoulder slowing.

"I thought you'd go back to her, I was only trying to help," I say softly, his eyes soften as he quickly shakes his head and says,

"I was never hers, just didn't know it until you." He leans closer and pecks my lips softly. "I'm yours, I always have been." He reassured and my smile returned, I pushed up onto my toes, connecting our lips over and over again, kissing him until we were both sick of the taste of each other.

“And I’m yours,” I confess. “I’ve always known that, though,” I say bashfully and his grin widens, feral, genuine. My hand slithered to his jaw, my thumb now tracing over the outline of his sensuous lips. “I missed you too,” I confess, even if I was the one pulling away.

“I know, sweetheart, your sorrow-filled stares were proof.” He teased and I shuddered, looking away with a bright red blush. He chuckled and brought my face back to his with a nudge of his nose. “It was cute,” He reassured me, and even if I didn’t believe him, I allowed his lips to press against mine, again, and again, and again.

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[storywriter007]

can you do a “fighting for the first time” preference/headcannons with the HoO boys ? i love ur work!!

Fighting for the First Time - HoO Boys x Fem!Reader

author's note: thank you for the request!! and i'm so glad you like my work, this literally made my day. this is what i feel like first fights (non-quest related) would go but add your ideas in the comments!!

genre: angst ending in fluff

word count: 1.5k but it's all in bullet points

-> heroes of olympus masterlist

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send me requests here! (these are my guidelines)

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percy jackson

the first time you guys seriously fight, it goes one of two ways

either a.) he doesn't care about who's right and just wants things to go back to normal or b.) he thinks he's right

option a is the preferred option

he tries to talk to you, finding you whenever and wherever

he refuses to leave until the problem is sorted out

and he is upset the entire duration of the fight

he apologizes for anything

"i'm sorry if i did anything at all to hurt you" kind of apology

option a fights would be over things like unintentionally hurting each-other

like accidentally saying something mean or sparring too roughly with each-other

or it would be over his reckless behavior

in which he understands why it worries you

this first fight wouldn't last long

maybe a day before you guys are all good again

option b is the worst

when he's convinced he's right, he tunes you out

not intentionally, it's just that he's too caught up in what he's feeling to properly listen to you

you guys go back and forth in circles

practically yelling at each-other

his eyes get dark and he becomes angry quickly

refuses to listen to you until things reach a tipping point

either you or him storm out and leave the other one alone for a few days and talk it out once they've cooled down

or one of you starts crying, and the anger is overshadowed by guilt and heartbreak bc of their ignorance

this fight would probably be over his loved ones

if you had pointed out a flaw about them or something they did which you didn't appreciate

or maybe just a passing comment you unintentionally made

i mean the loyalty on that man is crazy

lots of hurt feelings during this fight

and it would last a while - the most being a week

however, both fights would have a mutual apology

where both of you apologize for the things you've said and done

and you guys agree to do better in the future

you probs end up falling asleep in cabin 3 that night

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jason grace

to get in a serious fight with him, it's gotta be something big

jason is calm and level-headed

he takes a walk the first time things get heated and comes back to you with a clear mind

he talks to you calmly, treating the fight more like a debate

don't get it wrong though: internally he's freaking out

he's lost a lot, and he doesn't want to lose you

honestly your first serious fight with him would be over reckless behavior (on your end) or him being walked over

your first serious fight spawns from how deeply you two care for each-other

either he's mad you don't care about yourself and doesn't know how to tell you calmly bc you don't listen

or you're mad that he's ready to die for gods and kids who don't care about him in the least

you guys only fight about these things because light-hearted conversations don't send the message

jason, especially, stays stern during the fight

you wonder if he even cares tbh

but then you notice how he pauses and searches for words, how his lip twitches when you say something snappy, and the look in his eyes

he barely raises his voice, and only does it when you interrupt him constantly

the first fight would end within a day

it would end with revealing why you are reckless or why he is so selfless

it would be a calm, vulnerable conversation

would probs end in a make-out session bc he was so afraid he was gonna lose you

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leo valdez

i'm going to be so real rn: the fight starts because he's feeling inferior

he loves you sm and he considers himself lucky to have you

but bc of that - his feeling of inferiority would be on the back of his mind

he's not really jealous, but more-so afraid you're going to leave him at the drop of a hat like how everyone else has

so he gets upset if you're spending too much time around any other guy

the book series repeatedly talks about leo's insecurities and how he feels like he's not good enough and how he feels everything is his fault

insecurity runs deep and it would most definitely be a reason for a fight

you guys do raise your voices bc at first you're not understanding each-other

you think he's jealous and he thinks you don't want to be with him anymore

after you guys are done with your screaming match, leo would coop up wherever his machines are

he would stay there for a long time and think

he 100% is over analyzing every single thing you said to him

he's convinced you guys are going to break up and you're going to leave him

and he deserves it because it's his fault for starting the argument

even though he isn't jealous or thinks you're a cheater, he just let his insecurities get the best of him

and he feels like it's over for you two

he doubts himself; wondering if he should even try to talk to you or just let what he believes is the inevitable happen

so he doesn't even try to apologize

he is convinced it is all his fault

overworks himself in an attempt to distract himself from all of his terrible thoughts

you, on the other hand, have your time alone and want to talk to him

it's nighttime and he's nowhere to be found

you go to his little lab and voila, there he is

his eyes are red and sunken and his hands are shaky and dirty

you don't say anything, you just hug him

he breaks down and tells you why he was actually mad

he profusely apologizes and doesn't blame you if you want to break up

you explain to him that you are with him because you love him and that one little fight would never make you leave him

you reassure him that he is more than enough

this fight doesn't last more than a day or maybe two

the fight would end with a really intense kiss

and you would probably spend the rest of the night with him in his little work area

you'd watch movies, make jokes, laugh a lot, and company him while he manically works on something

that something is metal flowers as an apology for acting the way he did

it's his way of saying "we're stuck together and i love you :)"

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frank zhang

it's difficult to get into a serious fight with frank

but if you do, it would be over reckless behavior (on your end, c'mon y/n) or his own insecurity

your reckless behavior specifically with fire

frank and fire do not get along - it's well known

he literally can't stand you doing something dangerous in general

but with fire, it's even worse

he's convinced something terrible is going to happen and he lashes out at you bc of his previous experiences with fire

this fight would be short-lived though, bc you would understand why he feels that way

you'd apologize to him and he would apologize for lashing out

you'd agree to stop joking around with fire, but you'd convince him to start getting over his fear

this first fight actually ends up more helpful in the long run as frank slowly overcomes his fear of fire with you by his side

however, if it's his own insecurities, this would go another way

as mentioned, frank has been bullied

and he repeatedly feels like an outcast because he doesn't have dyslexia/adhd, he's an archer but he's a mars kid, and his life depends on a piece of firewood

your fight would start bc he felt left out with you

but it's just him overthinking

(if you use a sword) it's you sparring with jason or percy for practice

and it kinda makes him feel like "i want to help my gf but she needs someone who's actually good"

if you hang out with another mars kid for too long

makes him think "what i should be"

if you made a jab at him that he took a little too seriously

frank is a gentle giant, so he wouldn't yell in the least

you guys would argue and he'd be lost for words, kind of stuttering and repeating himself a lot

he'd just kinda walk off during an argument

this would make you mad bc he started the thing and doesn't want to listen to you

but really, he just wants to talk to you when it's not so heated

you'd go hide in your cabin/room

frank would be walking around and comes to the realization that walking out on your argument was a douchebag move

he shapeshifts into like a rat or a bug or something to go see you in your cabin and make sure you're not hurt

you'd see some random animal in your cabin and you get freaked out

he turn back into himself and apologizes for being rash

he'd be honest and tell you that he was just overthinking things and that he just got in his own head

you accept his apology and tell him to communicate better

to tell you if he feels left out or if he doesn't think something is funny, and to tell you that's he's leaving the argument bc he wants to think abt it

this fight is over by sundown

and you spend the rest of the evening practicing archery with him

[svsssfanonarchive]

Exposing SVSSS Fanon: 16/∞

LUO BINGHE HAS A "STEREOTYPICALLY MASCULINE" APPEARANCE

Rating: FANON - CONFLICTING

In fanworks, Luo Binghe is often portrayed as particularly muscular and buff, broad-shouldered, often with tanned skin and sharply-defined features-- all traits that are considered to be stereotypically masculine in the west.

All of this directly contradicts his canonical description.

Necessary disclaimer: I'm not talking against depicting Luo Binghe with a naturally darker skin tone. While that still contradicts the canonical description, I can understand going against colorism (something very rampant in east asian beauty standards!) in fanworks. This sort of discussion is particularly toward those who portray him as fair-skinned on Qing Jing Peak, darker skinned after the abyss, hence "tanned." While this sort of thing might have issues of its own, that's also not the topic of this post, and as a light-skinned Asian person, I don't feel particularly qualified to talk about it.

In truth, deep down, Bing-ge’s fair and clean pretty-boy type didn’t really suit the tastes of “Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky.... The art of growing stallions was grounded in science, and the research was clear: women preferred men who looked cultured, pretty, and even a bit soft and feminine. (7 Seas, Ch. 26)

The buff and bulky Luo Binghe often seen in fanworks is not what I would consider to be cultured, pretty, soft, and feminine.

Luo Binghe is described this way just before the conference:

A seventeen-year-old youth, slim and tall and graceful, dressed in white robes, lips turned upward in the hint of a smile, gazed at him with a pair of shining eyes. (7 Seas, Ch. 4)

And again after his return:

The other party was a little taller than [Shen Qingqiu], slender and willowy, dressed in clothes as black as ink that exposed only a fair neck.  (7 Seas, Ch. 7)

And a description of his hands later on:

That hand was slender and unadorned. It didn’t look like the hand of a young lord of the demon race who had already taken countless lives, but rather one whose master had been born to pluck strings, his hand to burn incense and bathe in snow. (7 Seas, Ch. 14)

Consistantly, Luo Binghe is depicted this way-- slender and refined, with fair skin and a softness to his appearance that contradicts his actions.

Furthermore, Luo Binghe is also described as looking very similar to his mother:

Luo Binghe was beautiful, and he looked quite like his birth mother. (7 Seas, Ch. 4)

and

Yue Qingyuan’s knuckles slowly brushed along Xuan Su’s hilt. “I was able to meet Senior Su Xiyan once at an Immortal Alliance Conference, many years ago. Luo Binghe’s appearance is seven-tenths identical to his mother’s.  (7 Seas, Ch. 18)

As for Su Xiyan's appearance, not much is directly stated-- it can be inferred that she likewise looked quite similar to Luo Binghe, but the only description of her physical appearance that we have is found here:

Even if she wasn’t burly and heavyset, she should at least look like a martial arts master with fierce and ferocious eyes. For all that, when he finally met the culprit behind Tianlang-Jun’s bout of philosophical soul-searching, which had tormented Zhuzhi-Lang for many days, he realized that the culprit in question was not quite like what he’d envisioned... ... Just as these two tourists were standing penniless in the street, a tall woman dressed in black strolled by, sword on her back. (7 Seas, Ch. 25)

The only positive descriptor here is that she is tall, but it can also be implied that she does not have the appearance of a martial arts master, and did not look as fierce and ferocious as Zhuzhi-lang expected, especially in terms of her eyes. However, she is described as a cold person-- whether or not that carried over into her appearance, though, is up for debate.

Su Xiyan's eyes are another matter for discussion--

In appearance, Luo Binghe resembled his mother Su Xiyan, but you could more or less see the shadow of his father in him. For example, in the eyes. Tianlang-Jun’s eyes were deep-set, his brow strong and heroic, the irises dark like fathomless water. In this, he and Luo Binghe were very much alike. Luo Binghe had a pretty boy appearance in the first place, but if his eyes had resembled his mother’s too, his face would have been excessively feminine and the effect would be lost. (7 Seas, Ch. 15)

Here, specifically, Luo Binghe is noted as having his father's strong brow and deep-set eyes, as opposed to his mothers, which based on this passage were most likely to be round, soft, and "feminine"-looking. It's also interesting to see that if not for having his father's eyes, Luo Binghe's features would be "excessively feminine," therefore implying that the softer look applies to all parts of his face except for his eyes and brows.

(thanks to @furbygoblinxiv , @bijoumikhawal for bringing up this point)

So, Luo Binghe is a lithe and petite pretty-boy. Nonetheless, he is still notably muscular. Specifically with a surprising amount of lean muscle-- something that Shen Qingqiu actually remarks on:

Luo Binghe was on top, and Shen Qingqiu was on the bottom, so he was smushed under a considerable weight and almost unable to draw another breath. What had this child been eating?! He looked quite slim, so how was he this heavy?! ... A person’s abdomen is supposed to be the softest spot on their body, but Luo Binghe’s was uncomfortably hard against Shen Qingqiu’s stomach. The farther down he pulled him, the more he was sure that Luo Binghe had an eight-pack. Was that a rock slab down there? (7 Seas, Ch. 16)

(thanks to @verycharismaticdragon for bringing up this point)

As for where the fan depiction of buff, tanned, "hyper-masculine" Luo Binghe may have originated?

I'm not certain where the first such depiction came from, but as for the logic behind it, such phenomena could be explained as thinking of Luo Binghe, the stallion protagonist, as having an "ideal masculine" appearance.

For western audiences and beauty standards, this would certainly be that same sort of muscular, tall, with tanned skin and defined features. Naturally, when first thinking of what a "stereotype of an ideal man" would look like, these traits would come to mind to a western audience.

It is a bit different in eastern standards. While muscular appearances can still be favored, lean muscle is vastly, vastly preferred over bulky muscle, and fair skin, which represents elegance and status (as those with fair skin tones are perceived as those who are wealthy, and do not need to work outdoors) is preferred over tanned skin. This is, of course, a generalization-- but as a representation of ideal masculinity, Luo Binghe's appearance would also be a generalization.

Particularly, Luo Binghe's figure and appearance is described not as those favored by men for themselves, but as those favored aesthetically by women. Therefore, that gentle, refined appearance is a must.

While western vs eastern beauty standards may play a role in this, it is also possible that western vs eastern character design standards may also be coming into play. While in eastern character design, things such as color and style of clothing and hair play a very large role in creating visual contrast, in terms of western designs, body shape and style, along with hair shape and style, seem to be far more important, with the idea that a character should be recognizable by silhouette alone. This may lead to western-trained artists, and also those who grew up watching primarily western cartoons, unconsciously applying those same standards to their own design-- such as making Luo Binghe broader-shouldered and with rounder shapes, the "heroic" type character design, in contrast to sharper, narrower shapes for Shen Qingqiu, the "villain" type character design.

(thanks to @gaywarcriminals , @mu-qingfang-stan-account , @temporoom for bringing up this explanation)

One additional possible reason would be the potential for heteronormative/"het-coding" standards being applied to a gay relationship, where the gong is being given more "traditionally masculine" features in order to align with gender roles. This is something that is fairly common in BL/MLM shipping and designs in general, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to think that it might apply in some fashion to Luo Binghe's fan-design as well (Note, this does not apply to actual fem/masc mlm pairs, because those do exist and it isn't always about heteronormativity. This is specifically referring to taking characters with roughly similar build like SQQ and LBH and making their designs distinctly more masc/fem based on who tops and who bottoms).

(thanks to @mysteryteacup and @gurggggleburgle for bringing this up)

As for the true source of these design elements, it probably cannot be narrowed down to just one-- rather, it would be an amalgamation of bits and pieces of all of the above, as well as the popularity and spread of certain designs throughout the fandom and artists taking inspiration from one another.

So often i've seen that Luo Binghe's bulk and muscles are shown as key traits of his physical appearance, despite the fact that this directly contradicts his actual depiction in the novel. Thus, it is inaccurate to depict him this way.

Luo Binghe's canonical body type and build is tall, slender, and willowy with lean musculature, and his features are soft and a bit effeminate. The best example I could give for reference would be to base his body type off of a pretty-boy type idol.

Of course, fanartists are perfectly free to continue drawing him however they please, but it should not be assumed that a Luo Binghe with bulky musculature, tanned skin, and sharp features is a canon-compliant depiction.

Luo Binghe is a pretty-boy.

[hisphoria]

high society, lhs

chapter 01, debut

synopsis: lee heeseung must find someone that will be willing to marry him just for the title. someone to marry him so that his grandmother can finally stop bothering him. while this isn't a hard thing for heeseung to do since almost every noble girl of the ton would be willing to marry him, he needs someone who has no interest in him. someone who will not bother him if he doesn't even speak to them as long as they aren't at some social event. and of course, he found that in you.

featuring: lee heeseung, sim jaeyun, park jongseong, park sunghoon, kim sunoo, nishimura riki, yang jungwon

genre: non-idol au, arranged marriage trope, enha as royals, victorian era?

content and warnings: cursing, drinking, sexual humor, some toxic mentality (considering the era i'm basing this on), and lotsss of angst

word count: 4193 words

taglist: @sumzysworld @tokkisann @sol3chu @yunjinhuhjennifer @capri-cuntz (still open! comment below if you want to be added)

← go back next →

you hated it.

hated everything about all of these things that your parents were making you do. having to wear this and that, go to this event, and talk to these people it was just getting to be a bit much for you. nothing was entertaining or fun about having to approach old rich men at the balls and acting interested in their boring lives. you also knew just talking to them boosted their egos and they didn't need any of that.

"but mother i'm already engaged to nikolaos. the rest of the ton already knows this as well. i can't just be going around flirting with other men anymore." you pouted as your mother stood behind you tightening your corset and fitting your new dress for an upcoming ball that your estate was hosting.

your mother simply rolled her eyes as she tightened the corset even tighter making you suck in a breath. "i know you are but that does not mean you shouldn't try for better. maybe an even richer man will find interest in you." you debated on whether or not to continue arguing with her. you knew it was pointless but you still thought maybe if you said it enough, she would calm down a little. you were fully devoted to the idea of marrying nikolaus and to you nothing and no one else could change your mind about it. marrying him was something you had dreamt about since the age of ten.

your parents didn't understand this though. your father did a little more than your mother but he just goes along with everything your mother says so it was never up for debate. it wasn't that your mother wasn't letting you marry nikolaos, she was just holding on till the very last minute to see if you will change your mind and marry someone else. nikolaos isn't even unsuccessful, his family being of the high society just like yourself but to your mother is wasn't enough. she wanted someone for you that was in the highest society. preferably in the top ten richest and well known men that appear in the newspapers.

"i want you to be happy" your mother began as she started fluffing out your hair with some oils that she had put onto her hands, "i am not telling you to not marry for love but it is only a plus if you marry for love and money."

you sighed as you looked into the mirror in front of you. the fact that she made some sense to you was something you did not want to admit. obviously money and status was always a plus and you didn't agree with her because it was something you yourself sought out but you did understand why she pushed the idea so much. "right. i understand you mother" you said to her as you stood up from the chair and looked back at her, "but i am indeed happy being engaged to nikolaos. i have loved him for so long and he is a successful man. i will be fine with him."

your mother simply nodded, deciding not to push the subject any further for the day. she gave you a kiss on the cheek before leaving your bedroom and shutting the door behind her.

you leaned against the railing at the top of the foyer looking over the crowd of people down below. it was the day of the ball and you had waited about 40 minutes after everyone arrived to make your entrance. the later you arrived, the less time you would have to interact with the ton and that sounded perfect to you. brushing down your baby blue ball gown, you made your way over to the staircase. you took a deep breath before resting your hand on the railing and slowly making your way down.

don't close your eyes you thought to yourself as you made your way down. it was always so nerve racking. all eyes turning towards you and looking you up and down. hearing the whispers just made it all worse.

that's when you saw nikolaos standing by a tall round table that was surrounded by other noble men. his head immediately turned towards you with a smile and he made his way over to you to meet you at the bottom of the staircase. you felt your heart slightly jump at the action but you weren't sure if that was the nerves because everyone was watching or if it really just melted your heart seeing him.

nikolaos reached his hand out for you to grab before bowing slightly before you, "good evening y/n" he whispered out to you. you smiled at him as you took his hand and touched the floor with your feet. you grabbed onto his shoulder with one hand and leaned into his ear and whispered, "i was too afraid to come out here if you weren't here."

"your mother kept me occupied for awhile..." he sighed as he turned and looked over to see where your mother and father stood attending to the guests who walked through the door. "she probably thought you were here wandering around already and didn't want me to take you away from your socializing." you frowned at this, slightly bowing your head and shaking it.

"i'm so sorry nikolaos" you said as you looked up at him, "you know how she is." he nodded and smiled at you reassuringly, "i know i know. i'm not offended don't worry. maybe you should go and get to know more people?" he said as he directed his attention back over to the crowd. the highest nobles were all gathered at the front greeting my parents. your mother and fathers faces beaming at them, you could've sworn you saw dollar signs in their eyes.

that's when he appeared.

"is that... lee heeseung?" you breathed out as you peered over nikolaos' shoulder to see lee heeseung enter, approaching your parents with a polite smile and bow. he was a well known noble. the highest of all the nobles. he was probably at the very very top of the pyramid in the high society. you heard that his parents were practically nonexistent, leaving the entire estate and title to their one and only son. he only had his grandmother and staff living in the mansion with him. you had only seen him maybe two or three other times as he didn't appear at every social event so him showing up at your estate... it was shocking.

not only was heeseung a high noble but he was also definitely the most handsome noble. his silver hair was styled but you loved that he never slicked it back, it looked natural and some pieces of his hair fell perfectly over his beautiful face. silver couldn't be his natural hair color you had thought to yourself, his dark roots showing under the silver. he would probably look perfect in any hair color.

"you should probably go greet him, no? not saying hi to the duke when he attends your ball is surely a crime" nikolaos let out a small laugh. you cleared your throat and nodded, letting go of his hand and placing your hands in front of you. "i hate to admit that you are right. i must go" you bowed slightly before making your way over to where your parents stood at the entrance.

"oh! my dear daughter!" your mother exclaimed, throwing her hands up dramatically as you arrived beside them. heeseung stood in front of them with both of his hands behind his back. he wore a white button up shirt tucked into some black pants with a dark blue jacket over, the collar gold and decorated with different lines and swirls. he looked like a prince.

heeseung eyed you up and down before bowing before you, "good evening lady y/n. i was just thanking your parents for inviting me to such a well organized and beautifully decorated event here at your estate." he brought his head back up and looked at you with a straight face, not even a slight smile had appeared on his face yet his voice sounded like he meant the compliment.

you bowed back to him, "it is an honor to welcome you to my parents estate my grace. we very much hope that you will enjoy it." you smiled at him as you came back up, placing your hands before you as they had before. heeseung simply nodded at you, the two of you looking at each other in silence for a few seconds before your fathers voice interrupted.

"your grace, we have heard about your engagement to the lady cadence laselle. congratulations" your father said as he put a hand over his heart. heeseung breathed in at your fathers words. he looked to the side and then back to your father again, "it seems that is all everyone is talking about, no? a vow between two families many years ago does not just mean i will easily take her as my wife. although..." he said as he then shifted his eyes over to you, "i have heard your daughter is actually to be engaged to nikolaos."

your mother frowned a bit at hearing his words. you already knew she was disappointed that you weren't marrying someone with a higher title and hearing it from the duke just probably made it worse for her. if even the duke knows, there's no going back is there?

you shifted your feet slightly and cleared your throat, "that is right, your grace. i am fortunate enough to not be in a situation like yours."

oh god.

maybe you shouldn't have said that.

your mother and father looked over at you with wide eyes. silence filling the circle. heeseung looked at you, seeming unmoved but then he cleared his throat and looked away. he scoffed and shook his head, a small smirk appearing on his face.

you put a hand over your mouth, "your grace, i am so sorry i didn't mean-"

heeseung put this hand up and nodded at you. "don't worry about it. i do appreciate some honesty every now and then especially since no one says those things to my face and instead behind my back." you weren't expecting him to be so understanding. you had heard only good things about the duke other than the fact that he was a womanizer but he was still a duke and the fact that you spoke to him that way was pretty unbecoming. you didn't know this man at all to be saying something so casual to him, you weren't so sure why or how you said something like that so easily.

"we apologize for her" my mother started, "i know it's no excuse but she has been pretty stressed out with the engagement and everything." she smiled at the duke.

heeseung looked as if he was about to open his mouth when a couple approached your parents and whisked them away before anything else could be said about you, leaving you and heeseung alone in each others presence.

heeseung looked at you before he took a few steps forward, getting closer to you. you felt your breathing stop as he got so close, close enough to where his scent filled your nostrils and he smelled amazing.

he leaned into you, his lips coming close to your ear and he whispered, "i don't appreciate a lady like you having an opinion on my personal matters. i'd be careful if i were you and watch what i say next time... especially to me."

your eyes widened as he leaned back and smiled. he took a bow before walking away from you and disappearing into the crowd of people. your face flushed and you quickly looked around to see if anyone caught sight of the interaction between you and the duke but it seemed that no one was looking and that made you let out a sigh of relief. you looked back to see if nikolaos was where you had left him but he was nowhere to be found.

heeseung wandered out into the courtyard. bringing a cigarette up to his lips, he heard footsteps come up behind him. turning his head, he saw his most trusted advisor, jake sim approaching him.

"i was wondering where you had wandered off to." jake said with a raise of his eyebrow, taking stand beside him. heeseung pulled the cigarette out from his mouth, letting out a puff of smoke. he clicked his tongue as he looked over at jake, "i would've thought you'd be off somewhere chatting it up with a lady."

jake let out a groan and threw his head back slightly, "as much as i would love to be doing that right now, i saw that little situation you had with lady y/n and when i saw that you took off, i thought it be best to come and find you. you disappeared pretty fast though, it took me a while."

"you saw that?" heeseung asked as he reached his cigarette out to jake to offer it to him. jake looked down at it and took it from heeseung, bringing it up to his lips. "i did, yes. i'm always keeping an eye out. although, it seems that even lady y/n was shocked at what had come out of her mouth" jake said with a laugh, "i've been hearing many things about her actually. she's the talk of the ton currently not falling far behind you."

heeseung rolled his eyes, "maybe they should be talking about her instead of me. she's the one who is actually getting married... not me."

"speaking of" jake said as he looked off to the side, drawing out a puff of smoke. "it's interesting really, her engagement to that man. they've known each other since they were children but lady y/n doesn't really seem to be the type to be able to marry a man like that."

heeseung scoffed, "what would you know? have you ever spoken to her?" a spike of curiosity rising in heeseung. he wasn't usually interested in the marriages and engagements going on in society but he himself was having a dilemma of being pushed to get married and even if he didn't want to, he needed to know what options were available to him or not.

"i hear around." jake says with a slight smile on his face, "i pay a lot of attention to gossip. i am your advisor, i need to know what's going on." he crossed his arms over his chest as he looked up at the night sky, "i've heard lady y/n is a pretty independent woman. it seems to get her into trouble a lot, an independent lady like her is not something that most men are looking for. her fiance was one of few willing to put up with that. she's been very open about not wanting to just idly stand by like a trophy for her husband."

heeseung raised an eyebrow at hearing this information, "like?"

jake smirked, "oh so you are curious?" heeseung rolled his eyes at jake and nudged his arm. "she tries her best to be helpful around her estate. she's always helping her father with things. she doesn't like just helping her mother plan out the balls, she's even gone on work trips with her father. she likes to be involved." jake continued to elaborate.

"i see..." heeseung hummed. he threw his cigarette to the ground and put it out with his foot. "does she seem like a romantic to you? do you think she seems like the type of woman to be in her husbands business?"

"what?" jake asked he shifted his body to heeseung so he was completely facing him now, "is she your type? you know she's engaged. you can't exactly just swoop up in there and propose to her-" heeseung put his finger up to jake's face to shush him, "i just need to see what the deal is. if she isn't in love, i've got a chance to offer her what nikolaos will not offer her in their marriage. she seems to be the only woman who would leave me be in a marriage."

"you dog" jake snarled at heeseung, "you just want someone who could care less about you then?"

heeseung smiled at jake as he patted his back, "exactly" he said to him before he walked off, heading back inside the mansion.

two weeks went by of you trying to plan your wedding with your mother and younger sisters. you had all sorts of ideas for the wedding but your mother wasn't exactly the easiest to plan with considering she kept on holding it off every chance she got.

the constant planning and meeting with nikolaos and his family was starting to open your eyes a little more to things that you hadn't even thought about before you got engaged. yes, nikolaos is the sweetest man you know but that doesn't mean there weren't a lot of things that the two of you didn't agree on. nikolaos was a traditional man and he didn't seem to be willing to give any of that up... even for you.

"i don't understand why you can't just let me be involved in some of the business stuff" you frowned at your fiance, "you won't even let me make any decisions? how is that fair if it's a family business!''

nikolaos let out a sigh as he turned to you, "exactly. my family business. you will be my wife, not my business partner. you are meant to stay at home and make decisions at home. not in matters of business. that's not how things work. you are needed at the estate. who will make the decisions at our home if you're not around?"

you felt as if you had been hit in the chest when he emphasized that it was his family business. you didn't think he meant to intentionally be mean by saying it but he said it and meant it. even though the two of you were to be married, he didn't yet see you as someone who was a part of his family. this only further made you feel as if you were an object of decoration for him.

the two of you were having this conversation as you went for a stroll at the public park, members from the both of your families following the two of you from not far behind. all you could think to yourself in that moment was that you needed to get away.

you tilted your head up as you stopped and looked over at nikolaos. "i can't continue with this conversation because i'm afraid that if we do, i will be pushing you into the river." nikolaos' eyes widened at your statement as he watched you continue to walk, "i need to be alone now."

you looked back at your mother and one of your younger sisters then glancing over at nikolaos' mother, "i will be heading off to walk on my own. i'll be in the area, i just need to be alone right now." before any of them could protest you quickly walked off, making your way over to the small bridge that went over the water a bit away. you didn't want to be anywhere near them either.

you leaned against the railing of the bridge, looking over and onto the water. the water was so clear you could see all of the fish swimming around in it. you soon started to feel tears start to prickle your eyes and to keep them from falling you tilted your head back and let out a deep breath.

"not sure if the lady y/n should be off on her own, don't you think?" you heard a somewhat familiar voice say off to the side of you.

you turned your head to see heeseung standing at the end of the bridge with his hands behind his back. he slowly began to approach you with a smirk on his face, finding his place to stand right next to you.

you cleared your throat and bowed slightly, "your grace."

heeseung let out a low laugh and when he did you honestly thought you've never heard anything more beautiful. "formalities? you surprise me. seems you still have manners."

you lowered your head, turning your body to completely face him. "your grace, i am so sorry about that night i really didn't mean to offend you. i just truly... wouldn't wish to be in your position."

heeseung glanced at you before then turning to look down at the water. he leaned against the railing, placing his arms over it so his hands were now dangling over. "aren't you kind of though?"

"excuse me?"

"this marriage, it's something you thought you've always wanted. yet now your feelings are changing about it. or am i wrong?"

you scoffed at the duke. he looked down at the water completely unphased and you hated his arrogance about it. how did he even know about your situation anyways? you thought to yourself.

"i know things" he smiled, "i am the duke, no? i've got my sources of information. plus your heated conversation with nikolaos wasn't exactly low profile like you thought it was. i've done my research. i know the kind of man he is and the kind of woman you are" he said before he looked at you, "you'll be miserable."

your face immediately heated up at his words and you mentally cursed at yourself for it. he knew everything and he spoke of you as if he knew you and something about it made your heart do a million flips. you should have been weirded out, maybe even a little terrified but how could you be when this gorgeous man stood in front of you saying exactly all of the things that you were thinking?

"what are you saying, your grace? i am engaged. this isn't something i can't exactly back out of and i can't seem to change my fiancé's opinion on the matter." you said to him, desperately wanting his eyes to meet yours once again.

heeseung leaned back, placing his hands behind his back once again. his eyes found yours and he took a few steps towards you, "anything is possible, no? i propose..." he started as he reached his hand out and grabbed your gloved hand, "that you come and marry me instead."

you gasped at the contact and although you didn't feel him with your bare skin it was still something and feeling his thumb caress your hand was making you feel all sorts of unbelievable things. you looked up at him with wide eyes, "m-marry you? what are you talking about? you're already engaged and... why me?!"

heeseung pulled his hand away from you, "don't get me wrong my lady, this is purely business. i need to get married because my grandmother keeps pestering me about it and it would be good for the estate and my image. falling in love is not something that interests me at the moment and well you... you want a marriage in which your husband will let you do as you please, no? let you involve yourself instead of keep you home to bear his children. letting you have decisions in regards to my business matters is something i am willing to do."

right, of course. the duke was known as a playboy. falling in love was of course something he didn't care about, a marriage simply for his public image where his wife could care less about what he does in his free time is the ideal arrangement for him. while that wasn't something you were looking for and if anything, you thought yourself to be somewhat a hopeless romantic, a marriage to the duke seemed a million times better than a one to nikolaos at the moment.

you don't even think you were thinking clearly in that moment because without thinking for more than a minute you quickly nodded your head at the duke.

"i'll do it. i'll marry you."

[raineydays411]

My Father's Daughter

Part 9

Summary: You've been at the Wayne Manor for over a month.

In some weird way you understand Christine.

You understand why she tries so hard to spend time with you while you're in her home. Why she begs for you to get off of your phone and cook with her. You get why she tries to make the other kids be nice to you. Scolds them harshly when they make snide comments underneath their breath about you.

Truly, you do.

You just...genuinely don't give a shit.

You don't care that she feels bad that she abandoned you for a completely other family and you don't care that she feels like she's losing time to create a bond with you.

You did not care.

Really, you didn't.

"Um,kid... you know I love you but I'm really not that kind of doctor" Bruce Banner said awkwardly over facetime.

You sigh. "Yeah I know B. You were just the first one to pick up the phone."

"Ouch." Banner laughed, " you know, you really are your fathers child."

You smile, one of the rare times you actually did nowadays. " How is the old man?"

You haven't been able to call him since he was paranoid whoever wants you would track your phone calls and find out where you are.

"Your father is even more annoying now without you than he ever has been in my entirety of knowing him" Banner deadpans, " He misses you a lot kiddo, we all do."

You smile sadly, missing your family.

It was hard, seeing these people you barely knew, with a mother you barely knew, stuck in a house you barely knew.

And the fact that they feel like a family. They argue and play jokes on each other. They eat with each other every afternoon ( Bat activities at night), Bruce kisses Christine goodbye when he goes to work. It was so domestic in its weird little ways.

But you didn't fit in.

They laughing and the jokes stopped whenever you walked into the room. The conversations were stale.

It was depressing.

It's not like they ignored you, oh no. That would've been preferable.

No half of them trip over their feet to try and include you in whatever they're doing.

Dick will turn blue chatting your ear off about whatever he thinks will get you to open up to him and Christine?

She will bend over backwards, frontwards, and sideways just to get you to acknowledge she gave birth to you. Every night she comes into your room and tries to talk to you about your life. And every question is met with a dull answer

"So any boys that catch your interest here?" " I don't know, I can't leave the premises"

"Were you in any sports? You look like you'd be a cheerleader like your momma!" " I was in mathletes and debate like Pepper"

"You really are beautiful my baby" "Thanks, everyone says I look like my dad"

It really was a struggle to get you to open up. Almost everyone at the manor had a hard time even starting a conversation with you.

Everyone except of course Alfred and surprisingly Jason Todd.

Alfred won you over as soon as you moved in. He vouched for you when you needed time alone and brings you snacks>

Jason is a whole different story.

See, the reason why it's so hard for everyone to talk to you is because they all refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room. They're treating you like you were some other orphan Annie they decided to adopt and you just have no family waiting and missing you.

Jason doesn't.

In fact, it was him who caught you trying to sneak out of the mansion the first week you were there. Instead of scolding you or telling on you, he took you out.

"A cap and sunglasses? Kid, that's not a disguise."

"What do you mean?"

He took you to a diner he frequents, a tour of the rooftops to avoid people, and to the safe house he took over from Bruce.

"Tell me about your life." He demands, not asks.

You smile and tell him about it. Your life growing up with the Avengers, school and what major you're going for, that brief fling you had with Pietro before you had to move to Gotham.

It was nice. To be with someone that didn't want to change you. He didn't try to force you into forgiveness and let you vent. He even gave some pretty sound advice.

"You know, at some point you are going to forgive her." He says ignoring your indignant stare, " You don't gotta be bestfriends with her or anything, but that anger is going to either slowly consume you or slowly go way. And believe me, you want it to slowly go way."

And he was right in some ways. The longer you're there, the less anger there is and the more hurt replaces it. It festers inside you like some disease. The symptoms slowly leaking out every time one of them calls her mom.

Every night she comes into your room and tries to pry into your life as if she didn't voluntarily leave it, you feel it.

Everytime you see her brush Cassandra's hair out of her eyes, or kiss damian on the forehead. It's the gentle way she smiles whenever she sees Tim hyperfocused on mission reports, and the way she gets so excited whenever Dick or Jason walk through the front door. Hugging them and chiding them for not visiting more.

It hurts you that they truly are a family.

And after a while, it gets hard for you to try and say that you truly didn't give a shit.

Because honestly, you did

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @stupendousnightmaretrash @opheliaas-stuff

[neechees]

https://www.tumblr.com/baconvonmoose/762184790376136704/thank-you-look-i-know-people-mean-well-i-do-im?source=share

Reading all this and that's the first time ever I've seen someone say this about W*nd***.

Thought to bring this to your attention

I've always said that you'll get differing opinions about the Ice Cannibal because different groups might have differing opinions & protocol on the spirit on who can or can't say it or when, and like I've always specified I prefer it when people dont say it around ME.

But I'm kind of suspicious about this random user coming and saying "well I'm Native American" because of the way they're speaking. They say they're "a subdivision of the Algonquin" like there's no "subdivision" of the Algonquin UNLESS they're claiming to be of the Algonquin TRIBE and trying to talk about their specific community, but they don't specify it, and they seem to be equating Algonquin with Algonquian (a Language FAMILY), which is something a lot of Moniyawak & pretendians do.

Also, there's no "my tribe told the first version of the wend!g0 myth" like they claim they are, because again, multiple tribes believe in this spirit, and it'd be stupid & unfair to try claim authority on it for "the first" because we don't know who was "the first".

This user also claims that "it's a spirit that can possess people so it can look like anyone you know", I've talked with other ndns about this and there's even some debate over whether this "possession" thing is even true, at least for some tribes, because settlers were using this excuse to go and execute multiple Native people under the premise that they were "possessed" by a cannibal spirit (and how often do you think White people back then gave a shit about our spiritualities?). In many tribes, including mine, I know the ice cannibal is a spirit that exists in its own right but that also humans can turn into one.

This person is just acting like a jackass and doesn't seem to hang around other actual Native Americans who believe in our religions, because of the way they're talking, but want to act like an authority on our spiritualites. They don't even want to acknowledge that maybe they heard the "we don't say it" variation because of different beliefs in different tribes. Them calling everything I just mentioned fucking "misinformation" is itself misinformation, and completely fucking unfair of them. And the ice cannibal spirit isn't even the only spirit we do this with. We don't just avoid saying its name out of fear, it's also out of respect and protocol.

I've also never seen this person on ndn tumblr, & they don't seem to have an "ndn" tag. This might be a case of a White person suddenly claiming Native heritage to get in on a conversation that isn't theirs to have. With the way they're acting, talking about Native spirituality, etc, this sounds more like a White person with maybe some Native ancestry who doesn't actually hang around other ndns just trying to be an authority on something they have no fucking clue on & that they got all their information from white websites, because virtually everything they said was wrong.

[ewingstan]

Going into Ward, one of the things that interested me is that pretty much everyone who read it, no matter what the felt about it as a whole, seemed to like what it did with Tattletale and incorporate it into their understanding of the character. To a certain extent this makes sense, outside of Amy people's problems with Worm usually aren't that characterization had been changed. But few other aspects of Ward have been talked about with so much relative positivity, or influenced so much retroactive analysis of Worm.

After reading her interlude, I'm starting to understand why.

From the bat we're given blunt and effective portrayals of how alone Lisa feels. Half of her descriptions of other characters focused on how they reminded her of people she's lost. The Heartbroken are primarily described by the ways they do and don't resemble Alec. Aiden by how he does and doesn't resemble Taylor. Imp and Rachel get mentioned but don't get to make an appearance at all, furthering the effect—reminders of her closest connections are everywhere, but the connections themselves are nowhere. She's left with the "expanded Undersiders," and is painfully aware of how they either dislike her or will never form a close connection with her.

There's a lot more emphasis here on how her power is a separate entity than there was in Lisa's Worm interlude. She's snarking at it, talking about it as something that interjects, drawing a clear divide in her head between what it figures out and what she figures out. Is that her knowledge of its nature developing, or simply a new way of looking at how it always worked?

The framing in the passage above seems to suggest that its encouraging her to distance herself from others, pushing her to interact but specifically feeding her information that will prevent close connections. Questions of agency and identity aside, I do like this as an aspect of powers-as-coping-mechanisms: she was triggered by failing to save someone she was close to, not recognizing the signs that he was unwell. Her power helps her see the signs she couldn't before, but it also seems to try to prevent those close connections from forming so she can't be hurt the same way. Not that its successful. Can't stop betting on losing dogs and all.

What she calls people internally is interesting. I figured she had been calling Sveta "Garotte" earlier to needle her, but she continues to call her that in her own thoughts, as does her power. Valkyrie gets to be "Valkyrie," and Vicky isn't called a cape name at all. There's a few ways to interpret this; I'm tempted to say that Lisa sees Victoria as a relic of pre-Gold Morning days, and sees Sveta largely in that context. Though I also feel like there's some refusal to see her or Rain as people who are separate from what they've done in the past. A lot of the comments I've read while reading the last few chapters are people debating whether she should've gone "white-hat," and I get the sense that she sees something dishonest in that. Leaving behind the things you've done isn't something she can do—even Lisa Wilbourn can't leave behind the failures of Sarah Livsey.

That might be something to think about in the context of Victoria claiming Tattletale is awful because she represents "giving up on something better." Its kind of baffling in that context; many people have pointed out that cutting the number of overdoses in half was way better than anything the heroes ever did, but Victoria resents that TT saw merely halving it as acceptable. She prefers methods that highlight a certain attitude towards a problem over methods that are effective at dealing with a problem. Having zero tolerance for overdoses and being able to do fuck-all about it becomes preferable to halving it, because not giving up on an ideal world is better than actually making the world better. As little regard as I have for Victoria's position, it seems that the text is giving it some credence by positioning Lisa not just as pursuing the methods that will make an actual difference, but also as rejecting the idea of "something better." Sveta can't be more than Garotte, overdose rates can be halved but not lowered further. Its weirdly reifying of Victoria's position, making Lisa a foil to it rather than a reflection of an entirely unrelated worldview.

There's a few team leaders in the parahumans-verse who get characterized as encouraging and benefiting from chaos within their ranks. Jack Slash had a self-image of himself as a master manipulator who knew just how to keep the Nine at each others throats to keep them in line, though of course his power was pulling heavy duty there. Trickster exulted in sowing chaos, but while he could use it to his advantage when working alone it explicitly got in the way of the Travellers as a whole during their operations. Lisa incorporates aspects of both; she seems to be cultivating a "this chaos is all part of my design" air for Faultline and Victoria while actually always being on the cusp of losing control of her own team. It seems less like something she's doing deliberately and more like something she has to deal with, even if she later frames it as part of preparing Aiden or something similar.

Man, her relationship with Aiden. First explicit mention of Taylor we've had since the beginning and its for a blunt confirmation that she sees herself as failing Taylor in the same way she failed Rex, and is terrified of doing with Aiden. It feels both like she's holding him at arms length and that she's desperate for a close connection with him.

[scientia-rex]

Hysteria isn't a fucking thing

ok fun fact: I'm rapidly becoming a cult favorite doctor among our local privileged elderly white ladies, which I have mixed feelings about, but the #1 reason is that I just don't leap to "anxiety" as an explanation for symptoms unless the patient tells me "I am anxious, and then I feel these symptoms, and when I am not anxious, I don't feel these symptoms."

The sheer number of women I've seen who've been told for years to decades that the only thing wrong with them is anxiety is fucking staggering, in this Year Of Our Lord 2023, and I just keep digging. We checked a basic lab panel, sure. CBC. No anemia. CMP. Kidneys are fine. (Electrolytes are basically always going to be fine if someone is well enough to walk into my office under their own power to talk to me. Exception is mild chronic hyponatremia.) And we check thyroid. TSH and free T4. We check blood sugar. A1c, if the fasting is a little weird. Fasting insulin, if I'm still suspicious. We check cortisol. Inflammatory markers--ESR and CRP.

And eventually, if the symptoms support it, or right away, depending on my level of suspicion, we check rheumatological labs for abnormal autoimmune function. Anti-nuclear antibody. Rheumatoid factor. There's at least a dozen you can check, and which ones you should check is always a matter of debate and also of expertise that I 100% lack. We are out in the sticks. There are no "local" rheumatologists for me to send people to.

But a couple of weeks ago I found a woman--she has bipolar disorder and has been told for decades that's all that's wrong with her--who has an anti-centromere antibody titer that's fucking through the roof. I found an anxious 19-year-old with an ANA of 1:1380. And yesterday I found out why a sweet elderly woman I've seen for a year or two now started feeling crappy months ago: her rheumatoid factor is over 90.

Rheumatological disorders are always difficult. Our understanding of them varies from "pretty good, actually, and here are useful treatments" to "Well I Guess That Exists." Labs aren't always a slam-dunk and even labs plus symptoms can give you misleading impressions. Your immune system can decide that virtually any short chunk of protein is an enemy, and the problem with that is that your body is made up of many, many, many short chunks of proteins, so the odds that you'll develop some kind of antibody against yourself just keeps going up over your lifetime. Immune disorders tend to travel in packs; there's a clear genetic element to it, so the more first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, child) you have with any kind of autoimmune disorder (including Type 1 diabetes), the higher your risk of any kind of autoimmune disorder is, and if you already have one autoimmune disorder, you're at higher risk for developing another one.

But I think it's precisely because they're difficult that a lot of mainstream primary care prefers to pretend they don't exist, rather than try to sift through the utter fucking mess that is Mixed Connective Tissue Disorders, a title that has fallen out of favor since I learned it in my third year of med school. And women are at higher risk for autoimmune disorders than men. And older women are at higher risk than younger women.

So if I, as a family doc, just keep digging, just keep poking at the tangled knot of symptoms, there's a decent chance I will uncover something interesting. Hopefully something treatable. Sometimes we have nothing to treat with, and I just get to offer someone more understanding of their disorder, which feels pretty paltry but is better than the casual dismissal of "You're just anxious."

Never, ever, ever take anxiety as a diagnosis for a symptom other than anxiety. Not even as a rule-out. Keep those symptoms as an open question mark on the patient. Don't say "anxiety" just so you can close the door. And damn sure don't do it to women.

I'm actively working on learning more so I can be more helpful, in our Rheum-less community, so if you have good lectures or books, please drop me a lead.

[ape-apocalypse]

There's been a lot of talk about Mae since Kingdom's release and she seems to be the character most people are split on, especially with the ending. After much pondering, here are my own thoughts about her, the alternate ending that almost was, and her path in upcoming movies. Spoilers ahead!

Straight to the point, I liked her character. In a lot of ways, she reminded me of Caesar. Her entire goal is focused on protecting humans no matter the cost to apes, much like what Caesar did to protect apes from humans. She has a no-nonsense determination to complete her mission and she doesn't trust apes, even Noa who she spends the majority of the film with. I watched Kingdom thinking it was odd that there was no real bond between Noa and Mae but I think that was on purpose. Though they both rely on each other to complete their individual missions and they concur that Proximus should not have access to what is in the vault, they don't fully trust each other. I know some people are upset that she brought a gun to her final meeting with Noa. Honestly, I don't blame her because they don't trust each other! 

Freya Allan revealed in a recent interview that the goodbye scene between her and the chimp was originally filmed differently. "In the scene that I shot, Mae was going there to kill him because he scares her. His intelligence scares her. Mae doesn't want to kill him, but she feels she has to... Originally, you actually see her pull the gun on Noa, but his back is turned to her. And so you think, 'Oh my God, is she about to shoot him?' Mae is crying as she's doing it... and then she doesn't. The minute he mentions Raka's name, she puts the gun down. But then in the edit, they wanted it to feel more subtle, and I honestly way prefer what they've done with it. It's so much smarter and really allows you to think more... so it becomes a very emotional goodbye, one with tragic, lingering doom."

I'm really relieved that they changed the ending. If she had actually drawn the gun on Noa, especially when his back was turned, I would have been pissed. But the ending we received, with an almost old school Western stand-off between two opponents, with them actually debating if this town - this planet - is big enough for the both of them, I think it perfectly sets up the tension between humans and apes heading into the next movie. 

Now I do wish they had done something to make her a little more sympathetic to hating the apes. There is the briefest mention that Proximus' apes killed the other humans she was traveling with but it's really glossed over. I wish when she and Noa were making the plan, Mae had mentioned the group again. Maybe that someone she cared about was killed or just how vicious the attack was and she saw terrible things. First, this would have connected Noa and Mae more because of the attack on Eagle Clan and the death of Koro, which Freya Allan confirms: "Proximus' apes killed her camp, similarly to Noa's, which is what's so bizarre about it". Second, it would have made Mae have some personal stake in the downfall of Proximus. This clearly was the intention because Allan says in defense of her character's actions, "She's gone through so much, she's lost all the people she cares about, which was a large part of how I justified everything she did." The backstory was there but a few extra lines would have made her thoughts clear and perhaps gotten more of the audience on her side. Allan elaborates that she even "...created a backstory that her parents had also gone off and tried to do the same mission, but they never came back and presumably died". I'm not sure if they were worried about the already long length of the movie that they felt the need to leave this out but I really wish they had added in even a few lines that would have allowed people to empathize with her.

Regardless of how she was portrayed in this movie, I'm already starting to theorize for the next film (with the hopes that Disney will announce its approval soon!). I think the next movie will have Mae fully on the side of the humans in her base/bunker and whoever they connected with. She completed her mission in Kingdom and there will be a new mission to recover the planet for humans that she'll be part of. She will be fully invested in it but something will change by the end of the film that will make her want peace between apes and humans. Then she'll spend the third film in the trilogy helping Noa to find a way to end bloodshed between the two species. 

There is a little part of me that wouldn't mind a female bad guy, because there hasn't been one in any of these films, even back to the originals. But honestly, I do want to see Mae and Noa reconcile and become friends and partners. Who knows, maybe Dichen Lachman's character Korina (the human in the hazmat suit who comes out to greet Mae at the end, who I adore in the TV show Dollhouse) will be the leader of the humans and the main villain of the next film, satisfying my wish for a female baddie? That would leave Mae free to have a redemption story where she helps Noa and works with him to protect apes from whatever the humans are plotting.

[sh0jun]

Idk how to ask for a head canon, assuming I give you a scenario and you tell me how they react?

Okey, I’ll defo drop in often.

Tell me. How will your faves react if Mc was a lawyer in her time. She quickly gets adapted to their Sengoku-period-law and even offers otherworldly/spectacular/awesome/surprising/remarkably intelligent insight but only when they ask for her opinion. In other cases, she sits quietly and enjoys the peaceful parts of her life 😚

But what kind of scenarios do u prefer, romantic stuff, platonic or intelligent?

Omg yay my first request!

As for how you've described MC, I'm guessing that she keeps to herself most of the time? And only talks when someone asks for her opinion (I'm just making sure qwq). So I'll be writing my favs and anyone else I can think of in this scenario if it's okay.

Also english is not my first language so qwq

Lawyer MC

• Oda Forces

→ Nobunaga Oda

• he was surprised. And quite entertained when you down right refused to obey him. Or be treated as an object.

• he was even more surprised when you managed to refute a very angry Hideyoshi. Who was ready to throw hands at you because you defied his lord

• ho ho. Your first day and you managed to tame my right hand man? How bold. What a fierce fireball

• after that he would bug you to have debates with him. As unusual as that sounds.

• when you get closer, and he gets to know about your occupation. He was very intrigued.

• you fight for people's rights you say? How very amusing

• you better be prepared because he will put your skills to good use

→ Mitsuhide Akechi

• he was walking in the market one day when he saw you defending him from some of the soldiers who spoke ill of him

• all of that aside. Later, he especially pointed out how remarkable your remarks were

• after that you bet this man will always ask you for your opinion on literally every single thing

• when he found out you were from the future and a lawyer at that he was even more curious

• oh? So your job is to defend people? How very interesting

• needless to say, he started admiring you even more after that and he would often like to have long chats with you about your work

→ Ieyasu Tokugawa

• we know how he is always sour and often gives hurtful remarks

• you both had your differences

• but what angered him the most was how he could never refute your arguments whenever you fought.

• he was impressed. How were you so good?

• he gets an answer to that when you get closer and tell him about your occupation in the future

• another one who's very interested in your work and admires you for it

→ Mitsunari Ishida

• another one who loves to talk with you and hear your insights on certain issues

• when you two got close and it was revealed that you were from the future AND a lawyer, he was very interested in your job

• be prepared because he has several questions for you

• Uesugi-Takeda forces

→ Kenshin Uesugi

• we all know. That he hqtes women

• so he generally avoided you at first. And you kept to yourself too

• when you both got in a relationship however, and you told him you were a lawyer

• he was intrigued. Very intrigued. He would talk to you for hours. What were the laws in the modern Japan?

• he would be quite upset when you tell him that you can't just carry a whole sword in public or threaten someone

→Kanetsugu Naoe

• he kept the talking at a minimum when you first arrived at Kasugayama

• let's say you both had a disagreement over something and that led to a fight. He was fuming but very impressed by how strong your arguments were.

• after that, he would often come to you for insights on topics

• when you get closer and tell him that you are a lawyer. He was of course as the rest of them very very interested. What's a lawyer?

• he is also another one who admires you a lot more now, that he know what your work is about

Thankyou for reading! If you saw some errors please let me know!

Tags: @bakersgrief

[jewreallythinkthat]

Wait.

You blew my mind with:

“Canonically in Tanach, there is an admittance that other gods exist”

I didn’t know this! I’m agnostic, and not in anyway Jewish, but trying to learn more about peoples and cultures other than the one I was raised.

I always thought Jewish monotheism was similar to Xtian (if we can call the trinity monotheistic!) in that, there’s only one god and any other claims are people being mistaken because people.

Is this not the view in Judaism then? Is it like, there’s only one god Jews care about because covenant? Others exist and it’s fine for gentiles to worship them?

Hey Nonnie!

So like everything in Judaism, it's a hotly debated topic - and please other people on Jumblr, feel free to join in the convo! I cannot speak for all Jews so this is just my opinion and conclusions I've drawn from chats about Thai with friends.

There's a couple of points you've mentioned which I'll address (a bit out of order) if that's ok?

So about the trinity in Christianity, I've always found it a little bizarre as to me, the monotheism of having three 'aspects' of god is a bit ... Dodgy? I've never really been able to see how it can count as monotheism when prayers are literally sent to the father, the son and the holy spirit. But also, I'm not Christian and I'm sure someone may be able to hop in and explain how that doesn't count as praying to different gods!

I'm regard to the Jewish view of deities - I think a few quotes from the Tanach may be useful for this one. The translation I'm using is from Chabad online as I cannot be bothered to get my Tanach from the other side of the room and transcribe. Translations often vary a bit here and I prefer the ones I grew up with but the general gist will be there. I've highlighted the bits I view as especially important in red.

So first -

Genesis, chapter 1, verse 26

And God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and they shall rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the heaven and over the animals and over all the earth and over all the creeping things that creep upon the earth."

Genesis chapter 3, verse 22

Now the Lord God said, "Behold man has become like one of us, having the ability of knowing good and evil, and now, lest he stretch forth his hand and take also from the Tree of Life and eat and live forever."

I mean this, to me, implies G-d to be talking to others right? God says "our", as if more than one is there at the time, almost observing the creation. In the second one, again God is talking other beings which must be like God for they are referred to by the collective 'us'.

Exodus, chapter 20, verses 1-5 (the start of the first reading of the 10 commandments)

God spoke all these words, to respond:

"I am the Lord, your God, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

You shall not have the gods of others in My presence.

You shall not make for yourself a graven image or any likeness which is in the heavens above, which is on the earth below, or which is in the water beneath the earth.

You shall neither prostrate yourself before them nor worship them, for I, the Lord, your God, am a zealous God, Who visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons, upon the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me,

So this is where it gets interesting. There is specificity in the first line 'your God', not the God of other people but specifically the people Yisrael for this is addressed to them and them alone. This then is followed by explicit acknowledgement that other peoples have their own gods and to worship them is a BIG no no.

This is also where we get another famous antisemitic trope from - the idea that Jews think they are better than others because they are the 'chosen' people. This is, of course, bollocks. Not only is the 'chose' more like chosen to do the washing up rather than chosen as favourite, it is also specifically to do with the Jews as the ones with whom God, our God, has the covenant. We are the ones in the contract, chosen to have to fulfill the mitzvot. The Jews were the ones with the king list of things they had to do while others are not bound by the covenant and may do as they please.

Now from the Haggadah (which tells the story of the exodus and is ready during the Passover Seder) we have this - it's the section about the 10th plague so there is a lot of talk of death and child death.

As it is said: “I shall pass through the land of Egypt on that night; I shall kill every firstborn son in the land of Egypt, man and beast, and I shall pass judgment on all the gods of Egypt: I am the LORD.”

“I shall pass through the land of Egypt on that night” – I and no angel. “I shall kill every firstborn son in the land of Egypt” – I and no seraph. “And I shall pass judgment on all the gods of Egypt” – I and no emissary. “I am the LORD” – It is I and no other.

We have explicit mention that the Egyptians have their own gods. We also have the final line - 'it is I and no other' - why would God need to clarify it is Godsself rather than a different god, unless God I is acknowledging there are other godly beings? It's also worth nothing, the judgment and punishment on the Egyptians is not a punishment for worshipping other gods for the Egyptians never entered into a covenant with Hashem - the Israelites who built the golden calf however did suffer quite severe punishment.

If there are other gods, the others have nothing to do with me because theyre not the one my people have a covenant with. If others want to worship them, I don't care. It doesn't affect me in any way so they can do what they want 🤣

I also, from a personal pov, like the fact that this horrific thing, the slaying of the first born, would be performed by God rather than being delegated to an angel or a seraph. There's something about the big boss taking on the worst of the jobs (as it were) which I really respect as clearly God has emotions (from the line about God being jealous) and I cannot imagine that slaying the first borns (of all ages, not just children, it just says every priest born) is a task that would have been anything other than mentally destroying.

It's also important to note that I do not believe this happened - otherwise I'd not be so flippant about mentions of child death and murder. I view the Torah as the written version of the oral histories of the Jewish people, a tribe's oral history that like with many indigenous peoples oral histories, has been embellished and mythologised. It's a good story with grains of truth to tell the history of how the people Yisrael came to be, how our culture and people became not just a group of random tribes but a community with shared history and culture and traditions.

I'm never sure if I believe God exists. Some days I really do wish there ot be something else - often when I think about achievements that I've done which are the result of the help of family members who have since died and I like the idea that they could still be there in some way to enjoy and see how grateful I am for them helping me get to where I am. Other times, I look at things like October 7th, the famine in Sudan, the innocents dying in Gaza, genocides in Rwanda, Bosnia, Cambodia etc and I think "how could a god allow this to happen". There is so much suffering in the world and I cannot bring myself to believe that a god could condone that when they have the power to literally create the world, to strike Egypt with the plages, when they have the power to stop the suffering.

I'm glad that in Judaism, we don't focus on the afterlife in the way I see it centred in Christianity and Islam. I don't view the notions of Heaven and Hell as beneficial and while ther are notions of them in Judaism, they've generally very much sidelined and not centered in conversation.

While the beneficiary of help does not care if you have helped them altruistically or because you think it will help you get into heaven, the concepts of heaven and hell have been used to slaughter so many innocents in the name of religion and I am thankful that for me, I've never seen this in Judaism because the important stuff is what happens when you're alive. You should be focussing on the here and now, to try and complete as many of God's commandments as possible. What happens when you die? Well frankly that's a problem for you when you get there. (Obviously I know there are extremists within the Jewish world - ie WB Settlers - but they are such a small minority and certainly are not a major part of the history of our people)

Anyway, this answer sort of got away from me so sorry about that. I hope you at least found it interesting and enjoy the foray into learning about other cultures!

[russellsppttemplates]

What we have is worth fighting for (Lance Stroll)

Lance's lifestyle seems so different to your own that your mind has no other place to go other than doubt

Note: english is not my first language. Here's some Lance for you. And also a topic that whenever I have way too much time, I sometimes think about and I have yet to reach a proper conclusion. Do I like how this turned out? I'm not sure

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: reader has worries and negative thoughts that could be associated with anxiousness

"Do you have time to go to my place for a bit? I know you have an early morning tomorrow.", Lance pointed out despite wanting to enjoy your company for a little longer. Looking at your wristwatch, you debated it, figuring that, realistically, another night where you slept a little bit less was not going to make a difference considering you hadn't slept the recommended amount of hours since you were a teenager, "I have time", you smiled, allowing Lance to open the door on the passengers' side of his car so you could get in.

It was not the first time you had been in his car on your way to his place. From the beggining, you understood that while Lance had a very public job, he preferred to keep the other parts of his life on the private side, hence the fact that you had kept your dates as private as possible, in smaller places in town that you knew of and between your flat and his place. You sat in his big sofa after leaving your shoes at the door, making yourself as comfortable as you could while he went to the laundry room, mentioning something about a blanket he had spilled some tea on.

"The stain is cleaned, so, there you go", Lance announced, arriving with the soft material in his arm and giving it to you, "do you want some tea? I think I found the one we had at your place last week", he offered, accepting your nod, "yes, please", and heading for his kitchen.

Looking around, you couldn't help the curiosity that came over you as you looked at all the picture frames while laying the blanket on top of your legs. Some family holidays, you presumed, with Lance and his sister playing in snow in some pictures, but also some with a beautiful beach in the background. The pictures with a city background made it harder for you to guess where it was, some aspects allowing you to distinguish between probable different continents given the architectural design of the buildings, but still not enough to list all of them. "Don't look to close or you might start loosing interest", Lance startled you as he walked with two steaming mugs, setting them on the coasters on the coffee table in front of you.

Blushing for being caught, you thanked him and held the mug between your hands, taking a sip from it as you expected him to pick up on any subject we'd want to talk about. Lately, every day you had spent some time with Lance, it usually ended up in either of your places, just talking while having some form of snack or drinks. He was definitely not who you expected to click with, much less with how quick it happened. You felt yourself roll your eyes everytime you thought about it, but he was the picture you imagined whenever someone questioned you about the qualities in the partner you were looking for.

"I think it's time for me to go home", you admitted reluctantly, realising that if you didn't, you would suffer the consequences while you were attending lectures, "let me take you then", Lance smiled, patting his thighs and getting up while you folded the blanket. "No, no need, I can just call an Uber, I-", you were interrupted by Lance, "Nonsense, I suggested we come here, and I have the time, I'll do it", he noted, grabbing his car keys once he put his shoes on and leading the way.

.

"Hey, are you having a good day? I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time", Lance asked over the phone, the sound of the blinker allowing you to presume he was driving, "hello! I've had a full day, I'm leaving the library now - thank you, see you tomorrow -, sorry, I was just talking to the desk lady, but yes, it's been work heavy, but I got all of it done", you smiled and sighed, the tiredness overcoming your body as you walked down the stairs.

"That's good, Y/N, that's amazing!", he reinforced, "how would you feel about having something to eat together? I know you probably don't want to go anywhere, so how about I get us some take away and I meet you at your place?", he offered, making you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Given your busy schedule and how tired you got when it all piled up, it was not easy for some of your friends to understand that you preferred to stay in instead of going out.

"That's a nice plan. I'm going home now, so I'll meet you there? I just have to change out of these clothes so I look a little bit more presentable", you chuckled, "I'm sure you look the prettiest", he urged over the phone, "I'm going to call and make the order and then I'll let you know when I'm heading to your place", he finished, bidding goodbye to eachother as you walked home.

Walking inside your small flat, you thanked your past self for having taken care of cleaning it during the weekend, only having to put away some textbooks and some folders so the papers wouldn't be floating around the living room. It didn't take long before Lance texted you saying he already had the food with him and that he was making his way to your place.

You were setting the table when you heard the knock on the door, looking around and checking if anything else was misplaced before opening the door, "hey! Come in", you urged him, seeing Lance carrying two bags of food, "can you bring those to the table, please? I'll just leave my shoes and coat here", he smiled charmingly, doing so while you carried the bags to the table, wondering what he could've possibly bought that was so heavy.

"I'm here!", Lance approached you, kissing your cheek and showing you a small bunch of flowers, "the shop by the restaurant only had these left, they were just about to close and the lady made them look as pretty as possible", be smiled, handing you the nice smelling flowers, "Oh, I wasn't expecting these, thank you!", you smiled, kissing his cheek and he took the opportunity to squeeze you into a hug, "it's alright", he forwarded, "Shall we eat though? I'm quite hungry, and I bet you are too, so I got a little portion of a few things from this italian that is really really good. I went there with my sister when she and her husband visited and they loved it, too!", he said as he took the take out boxes from the paper bags.

Despite there being a lot of different starters and main dishes, they had been perfectly portioned so they would satisfy both of you and not leave any leftovers, "Oh, try this! It's incredible", you mentioned, swirling your fork so you could gather the pasta and forming a shell with your hand so the sauce wouldn't drip and you could give it to Lance, not even thinking about how the gesture would be perceived. Quickly, Lance ate the forkful and groaned, not seeming to have minded it, "it tastes amazing! But is is better than this one?", he quirked, doing the same wirh his fork and feeding you a ravioli, smiling when he noticed your puffed out cheeks blowing air so it wouldn't be as hot.

Like usual, conversation flowed easily and you had a great night, ending up sitting together on your sofa and had slowly inched closer to one another, "today really tired you out, hm? Do you want me to leave?", Lance said, noticing you were nearly falling asleep on his shoulder, "no, don't leave", you quickly replied, "but yes, I had a lot to get through", you noted, feeling his head turn to look at you, "what tasks did you so then? Is it that research project?", he curiously asked. Looking back up at him, you listed all the things you had done, "we got to the next phase already, so that's been good, but also more work. Then some spreadsheets where I almost lost my mind, but some video on YouTube explained it, so that was sorted", you said, "and that was it. I know it sounds like I didn't do much, but it did consume some energy", you blushed, "Why would you say that? You are in front of all these projects and making sure things are running smoothly. That's not an easy job, you should be proud of yourself, like I am", he tempted. It wasn't the first time he had said something like that, and he hoped you were starting to catch up on his intentions. It was hard to deny the attraction he felt for you, but also how you just clicked. Lance hadn't felt like that about someone in a really long time, where he thought that someone could be it in the long run. While he didn't want to come on too strong or feel like he was on a clock, he also wanted to make sure you knew where he stood when it came to you.

"You are?", you questioned, maybe a bit too strong for the average person's liking, but it was not a word you heard everyday, much less a feeling you knew people had for you. "Yes, I'm very proud of you. Of what you're doing and how you're doing it", Lance looked straight into your eyes, "I'm also growing very fond of you. I really like you, Y/N", he gazed between your lips and your eyes.

"I really like you too, Lance", you whispered, afraid to disturb if you spoke to loud you'd ruin the moment, pushing your face closer to his so you could show him that if he wanted to, you were all in as well.

The Canadian driver took this opportunity to cup your cheek, rubbing his thumb on your clean cheek before he pressed his lips to yours, lips moudling perfectly with one another. Smiling within the kiss, you wetr the first to break it off for air, looking up at him, "seems we're on the same page then".

You spent the rest of the night basking in eachothers affection, feeling brave enough to do so now that you both knew how the other felt and enjoying how it made you feel until Lance had to leave, "tomorrow has an early start for me, so I better get going", he groaned, getting up from the sofa and holding his hand out, making you attach your hand to his. Thinking he was just helping you up, you were surprised when he pushed you up with enough strength to face his, chest to chest so he could kiss your forehead, "C'mon, I want to help you tidy the kitchen before I leave", he smiled, guiding you both to the room in question so you could do so.

Lance had already left with a kiss of goodnight and a promise he would text you when he got gome, leaving you to close the apartment and also get ready for bed. Walking out of the kitchen, you noticed that you had left one of the paper bags on the floor, grabbing it so you could fold it for another time when you heard some wrinkling. Inside, the noise belonged to the receipt of the order, and you grabbed it mindlessly and a little curious. The food was great, you recognised, but the price Lance paid for a middle of the week take away was out of whatever you could have imagined. He insisted he wanted to pay for it all, despite you saying that you should at least pay your half, and now you couldn't help but think how normal and fine it had been for him to just swipe his card and pay for it. Probably like the no big deal that it was for him.

.

Lance was away for a race weekend, and despite the busy schedule, he still found time to videocall you, always looking forward to hearing how your day went and what you had been up to, "we just started on the data collection, and it's going really well. It's not some groundbreaking thing right now, but it's going somewhere, I can feel it", you smiled, "and you? The car seemed good today", you asked him, seeing his smile that went immediately to your stomach, butterflies erupting into a dance.

"Yes, it was incredible! It finally feels like we have a car that can takes us to the podium of the championship, you know? It's a pleasure to drive and the track is awesome!", he beamed, "I just wish you were here with me to experience it all, the city's really cool too", he offered, listing a few activities he had done and places he had seen.

There was another thing that got your mind spinning. As much as you didn't like to admit it, those thoughts had been plaguing your mind for a few days now. If there was some scale to assess it, you're Lance's lifestyle and your own would be pretty far from eachothers. He spent the better part of his year travelling around the world, staying in the most luxurious hotels and enjoying the most incredible experiences. On your end, you were lucky if you got enough time to take some time off and away from all the work. If this was to go further, your schedule and your lifestyle wouldn't allow you to be the partner that travels to nearly all the races or the one that is seen strutting around the paddock in the most lavish outfits. Would that be an obstacle in the relationship you were building with Lance? Should you start backing out now?

"Hey, Y/N?", he called, "is everything okay? I think I lost you there for a bit", he smiled, teasing you even though there was also a slight concern, "are you too tired? I probably shouldn't have called so late, right?", he forwarded. Despite not wanting him to feel guilty about it, you took the opportunity since your mind wasn't settling, "don't feel guilty, Lance. I haven't been sleeping well these past few nights and it's catching up on me", you half lied, "but I think I might have an early night today, see if sleep comes around", you smiled genuinely at the screen as you saw his features soften, "alright, sweetheart. Have a good sleep", he softly said, blowing you a kiss while you did the same, dialing off the call and pressing the phone to your chest.

Would this feeling on your chest ever settle down? Would your mind stop racing about thoughts about why you'd never fit in Lance's life? The worry grew even bigger, considering you were probably not going to fall asleep for a while.

.

Sitting at Lance's dining table after spending the entire afternoon with him, you tried your best to mask the thoughts that had been plaguing you and that you hadn't managed to shut off. But apparently, not with enough skill, "there's something worrying you, I can tell that much", he noted, "is it something I can help you with? Also totally okay if you don't want to talk about it, but I don't like seeing you so stressed", he launched his hand so it would land on top of yours, softly caressing the skin.

"Can I be really honest with you about what has been bothering me?", you asked, already knowing this would be an important conversation and no matter where it ended up going, it needed to happen sooner rather than later, "sure, Y/N, absolutely", he assured, growing a little bit more concerned at your tone.

"I don't fit in this, Lance", you began, gesturing your hands around, "your world is so different than mine in so many ways, I could never fit in it", you gulped, "you were just saying earlier this afternoon that maybe it was time for us to take the next step, and I don't know if I can", you stopped to gather your thoughts.

"It's okay if you're not ready, I'll wait. And I didn't want to pressure you, I'm sorry if it felt like that", Lance was quick to say, an expression of guilt somehow in his features.

"No, it's not because I don't have feelings for you, because they're here, they're very much here!", you chuckled nervously, "I just don't think I fit in your life like it was supposed to be, like it's expected", you mumbled the last part, forcing yourself to look at him. It pained you as well, because the look on his face was also painful. He wasn't expecting you to feel like this, so much so that there was little to ask but "did I do something to make you feel like that?", still not sure if it was what he wanted to ask.

"No, it's just that our worlds are different. You paid the equivalent of my university monthly tuition for a dinner that was lovely, but still! That's how different we are, we don't align", you gestured, "I could never be the partner you need. My schedule could never be the same if you wanted me to be at races, because I can't be travelling here and there every weekend. And I'm not someone who attends galas and fancy dinners", you hiccuped, the pressure on your throat building up. Even though you had this perspective, it didn't mean that your feelings were on the same page as it.

"And don't take this the wrong way. I have loved every moment we've spent together, and everything you've done for me. And I'm not blaminh you. Your parents did everything they could for your best, and that's not a bad thing. Don't think I'm pointing fingers because I'm not, it's a privilege you have and it is no one's business, much less my business either. But I don't have it", you let out a shuddered breath.

Lance was at a loss for words, gathering his thoughts before he said something that might come out the wrong way, "and is that something that is a deal breaker?", he asked, "Isn't it? I'm not the person people like you go after. Take a look at everyone on the paddock. All the wives and girlfriends are the opposite of me. Anyone you're supposed to be seen with, to have some sort of a relationship with, they're not me, they're not what you think whenever you imagine someone who relates to you in some way", you gulped again, the tears now clouding you eyes.

"You see, Y/N, it's because of those things that I know we have something good. I don't give a care about what other people think who I should have a relationship with. I never wanted someone according to whatever standard, much less after I met you", he smiled, "you are a breath of fresh air in my life, and I needed that so blady. You showed me that there's so much more to love. You have listened to me, you've been there for the highs and the lows, you've allowed me inside your life and showed me the force of nature that you are", he tempted your hand, lacing his fingers with yours, "yes, all of those scenarios are frequent in my life, and I understand that I'm not around as much as other partners, but it will be my biggest mistake if I let you go without a fight, without showing you that what we have is too good to go", he urged you to look at him, lowering his head so he could catch your eyes and bring your eyelines up a little.

"You know, I texted you during the breaks between free practices and my mother commented that she finally found out why I was so happy, all because I was smiling at the picture you sent me from the library", he smiled, blush covering his cheeks, "and, while we are on this, I'm not going to pretend that I don't have the money, because I have. And I don't pay for things to show it off, I do it because I can and it allows me to show people that I care about them", he explained, "if I ever made you feel uncomfortable because of it, it wasn't intentional. I don't need big plans to feel good with you. I'm happy just sitting next to you on the sofa while we watch some TV or while you read some books", he shrugged, "I'm not even a fan of those big events myself, so I wouldn't want you to be one.

"All I know is that I think we're good together, and I want this to work so bad. I want to be with you if you'll allow me", he squeezed your hand, "or, at least, allow me to show you that what we have is good and that it is worth fighting for", he finished.

You felt somewhat guilty for how you felt about it, even though you also knew you weren't being unreasonable, "I'm sorry, but it was eating me away and, yeah, I didn't know how to go about it", you gestured between your bodies, seeing Lance open his arms so you could sit in his lap, "it's okay, I'm glad we talked about it and everything is clarified. We can always talk about these things, I'm very happy that we did. Even though I'm a little saddened that you think so low of yourself, Y/N", he flicked your hair behind your ear, "you're so amazing, you don't even know it. Your passion about your work, the way you love other people, the way you care about them. All of your concerns that you're not like the others? It's what makes me love you even more, what makes me want this, us, to be it", he smiled, kissing your nose when he saw your smile, moving to kiss your lips multiple times, "now, I've admitted verbally that I love you two times, and I'm yet to know how this goes", he teased.

Smiling again, you craddled Lance's face in your hands, "In case I wasn't clear, I love you too", you giggled, "Good. That's good. I will make it my mission to make sure you know it everyday, but until then, I will enjoy having my girlfriend in my arms", he mumbled, pulling you closer to him, "it's a good thing we are both homebodies then".

[catboybiologist]

Hi, I'm a silly trans kid (any pronouns) who's finding the scene and perception of trans people to be increasingly intimidating and messy when hearing these arguments.

So, if you don't mind, I would like to hear every bit of biology you know, that validates our existence.

Especially if it's instances beyond human life. Like animals. I don't know how much information on that exists, but if you have info on it, I would personally LOVE to hear it- (because transphobes forget humans are a part of nature by default so uhh use nature against them too-)

I think we need more people who actually know how to debate in the conversation so when I form an argument, I want to be able to rely on facts I know to form a logical argument. [(Just kidding I'm going to shout over the other person with random tidbits /hj (no but i just might if they have a megaphone. Thatd be fuckin hilarious-)]

Sincerely, a frustrated trans kid.

I dealt with exactly this, but for now, all I have is a non-answer.

I got burned out writing stuff like this a few months ago, because every time I said some small detail, it always generated questions and misunderstandings about what I wasn't saying in that moment. If I start talking about transition, HRT, and sex/gender science in general again, I want it to be a very complete version of my thoughts on the matter. So this is something that I want to talk about in extreme, verbose detail, and it's become a too-big megaproject of sources and scripts that I keep on subdividing to make some kind of essay or podcast. I did some work on it while in the backcountry, though, and I hope to have SOMETHING produced of it all in the next few months.

In the meantime, however, you might be interested in one of the books I read this summer: Evolution's Rainbow. It was written by a transgender ecologist, Joan Roughgarden, who was grappling with exactly what you are.

My word of warning, however, which is also stated by Roughgarden- don't fall into the naturalistic fallacy. Your existence does not need to be "validated" by what's "natural", partially because nature is so wild and varied that you will never find one constant state of nature.

My preferred approach is therefore from the genetics and molecular biology aspects which show our existence as dynamic systems that aren't defined by what's "natural" or put in place at birth. I mean, I'm studying molecular biology, so I guess it makes sense I would tackle it from that angle.

I want to talk about all of this in more depth at some point, but again, if I start down this hole on Tumblr again, I just get caught in a loop of incomplete thoughts addressing incomplete interpretations.

[prettypinkporkchop]

Can I request Paul or Quil, whichever you prefer x reader, where reader has a manic episode and just Linda disappears of the face of the earth for like HOURS and everyone is stressing because they just cannot find this bitch only for her to pull up to there house at like 2am in like a post manic daze where they're just confused and don't know what happened or how they got there

Quil Atear x Fem Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of bpd, bipolar, mania, depression

You have been staring at the ceiling. Your brain is itching to do something. You dont want to be around anyone, but you need to do something. You check the time. 4:00 A.M. You push the blankets off of you. You walk out of your house, leaving your phone behind. You giggle to yourself and then shut the front door behind you, running off. Finding somewhere to go.

Quil:

"When you two wake up, come to my place." Sam orders me while the pack goes our separate ways after patrolling. I nod my head and run toward my house. Well, OUR house.

As I reach the door, I notice I can't feel her. There's a pit in my stomach. I open the door and walk around. "Baby, I'm home." I look in every room.

Once I reach the bedroom, I check her daily medication organizer. Every tab is full. Today is Thursday. I pull out her bottles and pour them out, counting quickly.

She hasn't taken them in two weeks. My heart sinks. Why would she lie to me about taking them? I have to keep up with these numbers because she's done this before, but she never ran off like this.

I run out of the house and call Sam.

"Hello?"

"Please, get the guys out here. Y/n." Is all I could spit out.

Your pov:

You sigh in content as you fall onto the ground of the cliff. You lay your head back over it, your hair falling down, not even close to the water underneath. You keep your body on the rock. You close your eyes and debate about jumping.

You decide not to and then stand back up. As you stand back up, you smell something. You follow the smell and see a group of young adults at a fire. "Who are you?" A blonde boy asks. You sit next to two girls. One with glasses and the other one giving you a snobby look. "Rain." You come up with a fake name. (Sorry if you're Rain. Come up with like... pinky doo?) They look at each other in confusion. "I'm Eric! That's Mike." The other guy says while pointing to the blonde guy that asked your name. "Jess." The snobby girl says. "Angela!" The other girl smiles. "Sorry to intrude! I didn't mean to. I was just walking around enjoying the scenery. It's a calm day." You try to make it seem casual. Mike raises an eyebrow. "It's... always a calm down here." Jess awkwardly chuckles, looking around at her friends.

Quils pov:

Oh my god. I fall on my knees and start crying, holding onto her jacket that lays in the damp grass. Is she gone? She can't be. I'd feel it.

Jared comes up behind me and hugs me. "It's okay. She's not gone." The other guys follow suit, holding me as I break down. "C'mon, Quil. We've got to go." Sam says with compassion. Once we all stand up, he grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "We are going to find her."

Your pov:

They all start laughing at your joke as you talk about a fake scenario that never happened. "Yeah! And when the Uber driver looked up at me through the mirror, he said, 'Clean that up'." Everyone bursts into laughter.

Suddenly, you got tired of the company and wanted to leave and do something else. "Okay! Bout to bop out. Gotta head home." You stand up. They all say bye and you walk away.

The breeze hits you, and you see your fingers turning white. The cold isn't bothering you at this state of mind, but you know Quil would kill you if you ended up losing limbs. We'll, sucks that you lost your jacket somewhere.

You keep running around and suddenly see train tracks. This peaked your interest, and you laid down on the tracks. You closed your eyes and relaxed. You hear in the distance a train is coming. You can feel the vibration underneath you. You sit up and stare ahead of you, waiting for the last second to jump. You start laughing at how good you feel.

The train gets closer.

Closer.

The light is so bright it's nearly blinding you. You raise your arms up and scream as if you're on a rollar coaster. The train blows its horn, and you quickly roll off to the side. Barely 30 seconds go by, and the train blasts through. Your hair blows everywhere, and you're smiling. You sit there until the train leaves.

They always said the rails were burning hot when a train rolls through. You put your hand on the rusty, brown metal rail, and you leave your hand there. You soak in the feeling of the burn. You close your eyes, and you imagine your hand sitting in a fire without your skin melting off. You take your hand off and look. Red, bloody, skin peeling, some black spots.

Quils pov:

1 a.m. At Emily's.

We all sit in the living room. I hear Rachel yawn for the fifth time. "You can go to sleep, love. Don't worry." Paul whispers to her. She shakes her head. I keep my elbows rested on my knees, hands together, and on my chin. Emily walks in with sodas and cake. She sits down next to Sam. "You can't feel anything bad?" Embry asks, suggesting do I feel her soul has left. I shake my head no. I don't. But what if she is, and I just refuse to allow it to hit me. "Maybe we should call Renesmee. Maybe Alice could help us." Jared suggests. "Anything. God. Anything." I start crying.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. There stands my imprint. She has a smile on her face. She looks disheveled. I quickly jump up and go to her. "Where the fuck were you?!" I scream and look all over her for any sign of injury. I look at her hands and see one is burnt. "Fuck!" I yell. She's still smiling in space. "I had a good day. Did you?" She asks me without... asking me. She's not here with me. I turn back to see everyone looking at us with confused faces. "I'm taking her home. Thank you guys. Love you." I walk out while pulling her.

"I made friends!" She giggles. I stay silent.

Next morning YOUR POV:

You wake up with my hand on fire. You see it bandaged up. Your head is pounding. You sit up and see Quil sitting up with his knees up and elbows wrapped around so his hands are holding each other. He looks upset. "Baby?" You whisper. He slowly looks over at you. "Do you remember anything?" He asks. You do a little bit. You nod your head and look down. "I counted your medicines." He says. Your heart aches. You forget to take them but you tell Quil that you do. "Why would you lie to me?" He asks, his voice shaky. You felt tremendous guilt that almost had you puking. "I just keep forgetting, and I am sorry for lying." You sniffle. You look beside you and see sleeping pills and tea. That's how you knocked out.

Quil moves, grabbing your bottles and handing them to you. You stare at them. "Now." He demands. "I'll have an alarm set for every day at the same time." You respond. You open the bottles and pour the amount in your hand. "This is really embarrassing." You sigh while taking the pills. "There's nothing embarrassing about taking medication, y/n." His tone is more aggressive. "I know, I know. I meant telling the pack. They all must think I'm crazy now." You start to cry. He pulls you into his chest. He kisses the top of your head. "You're family. They will never think that. They will always have your back." He whispers to you and runs his fingertips along your arm. "I love you." He places more kisses on your head. "I love you, too."