#I'm not opposed to calling people out for harmful behavior

[silvermoon424]

This is a prime example of how social media and internet clout-seeking has absolutely DESTROYED some people's sense of empathy. A famous TikToker had her newborn baby die of SIDS, and for some fucking reason people decided it would be a great time to cancel her for problematic stuff she'd said in the past. Someone crashed the baby's funeral to vlog it and shit on the mother.

I will say that I think some of the mother's past behavior warrants an apology, but I can't get over how ghoulish it is to drag someone whose baby just died. And how much of an actual fucking freak you'd have to be to vlog and try to get clout off of a baby's funeral. I'm the furthest thing from a luddite, but Jesus, social media has really set us back as a species.

[radioactivegummyworm]

EMO vs MALL EMO vs SCENE vs SCENECORE

i see a lot of confusion and arguments around what is emo/scene or not so i wanted to make this blog as a fan of most of these genres to hopefully help clarify a little!

EMO this genre is the ORIGINAL emo, although it sounds completely different from the emo music most people know today. it originated in the DC hardcore scene in the mid-80s, spawning from post-hardcore and hardcore and gained more popularity in the 90s. bands include: rites of spring, sunny day real estate, moss icon, cap'n jazz, the get up kids,

if you want to listen to some emo music, here's a spotify playlist i recommend!

MALL EMO mall emo is what most people think of when they hear the word emo. i call it mall emo (not sure if others do or not but i think it's most fitting) because it's the bands whose merch you would find somewhere like hot topic or spencer's(not a dig at mall emo i love this genre so much). it's the music genre(s) associated with the emo style and gained a ton of popularity in the 2000s. bands include my chemical romance, falling in reverse, all time low, panic! at the disco, fall out boy, paramore, pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, evanescence, escape the fate, flyleaf, taking back sunday etc.

here's a playlist (i know it says actual emo music, i think they mean actual mall emo music as opposed to like yungblud + tx2 type shit)

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: EMO AND MALL EMO ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!!! however, getting mad at someone for thinking mall emo is real emo is kind of pointless. because of the popularity of the emo style, the word has evolved to more assosciated with mall emo in pop culture than real emo. most people don't know the difference and that's not like a personal failing on their part that you need to be rude about! if/when you explain it to someone, be respectful! i'm looking at you, garrett!

SCENE scene is a subculture within emo, with its own more colorful version of the same fashion elements, that gained popularity in the late 2000s/early 2010s. there are a lot of different music genres within the scene subculture but the ones people most think of is crunkcore, which is a mix between electronic, hiphop, rap, and metal. bands include: dot dot curve, ismfof, attack attack!, millionaires, brokencyde, metro station, the medic droid, kill paradise, chunk! no captain chunk!, jj demon, breathe carolina, 3OH!3 etc

SCENECORE scenecore is a subgenre of hyperpop that originated on tiktok. it uses the aesthetic of the scene subculture a lot, and scene related things are often mentioned in the songs. however, the difference between scene lyrics and scenecore lyrics is that while scene music mostly has lyrics about sex, drugs, love, partying, clubbing etc scenecore lyrics are oftentimes about self harm or other harmful behavior or weirdly fetishize scene people. this is a problem because it's essentially just harmful stereotypes about scene trying to perpetuate itself as actual scene music. bands include: 6arelyhuman, kets4eki, odetari, rebzyyx, d3r, asteria, luvwillow, etc.

here's a playlist

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: SCENECORE IS NOT IN ANY WAY SCENE. scenecore isn't even related to the scene style like mall emo is, it's just hyperpop! if you want to get into scene, do your research!! listen to recommendations from actual scene kids!! 6arelyhuman is not scene!!!!!

[maul-of-shame]

I feel like I'm losing brain cells by reading some takes online... Elrond and Gil-galad... are misogynistic...?? but Sauron is fine, he was good to Galadriel, even made her open up and all...

The hell? 💀

Legit my reaction lmao.

[TW: very long, heavy, salty rant, if you like Sauron don't read. Tw for abuse, emotional, physical, mentions of death, violence etc etc]

Honestly, if people spent half as much time looking up the meanings of words as they do tossing pseudo-feminist “hot takes” around Twitter, we’d see fewer baffling opinions like this.

Calling Elrond and Gil-galad misogynistic is not only a huge leap but shows a serious misunderstanding of both character dynamics and what misogyny even entails. Elrond and Gil-galad consistently act out of genuine concern for Galadriel and respect for her skills; they’re leaders with an eye on the bigger picture, making difficult decisions with the safety of their people in mind—not as a personal slight against her.

Also, let's be clear here: the one manipulating Galadriel and playing on her vulnerabilities is Sauron, not her allies.

The level of mental gymnastics required to paint Sauron as “kind” or “helpful” while calling Elrond or Gil-galad misogynistic is truly astounding. Sauron is the one who, let’s not forget, has left a wake of devastation behind him, specifically targeting and harming those close to Galadriel.

Sauron is a manipulator of the highest order, skilled in emotional abuse and psychological warfare.

This is the same character who killed Galadriel’s brother, stripping her of her closest family. He has slaughtered countless others she held dear, including close friends and allies, and waged a campaign of terror against her people. And we’re expected to believe he was “good for her”?

How is a person who systematically destroys everything she loves somehow cast as the “kind” option here?

His manipulation was designed to dig at her most vulnerable places, coaxing her trust with calculated, fake gestures of “understanding.”

This isn’t kindness—it’s classic predatory behavior.

From gaslighting to attempting to align himself with her desires, Sauron’s methods are textbook examples of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse. The fact that some people can’t see it doesn’t make it any less clear or less sinister.

And let’s not overlook the physical violence he’s responsible for: he didn’t just oppose her in the abstract—he tried to kill her, manipulated her friends, killed them, and later had the unmitigated audacity to use Celebrimbor’s body as a banner, grotesquely displayed on a spike. He desecrated her friend’s body as a twisted symbol of power, essentially mocking everything she fought to protect. He turned the people she cared about into tools for his own violence, forcing her to relive those losses and betrayals again and again.

Sauron is not “good for” anyone; he’s a walking embodiment of trauma and loss.

The baffling attempts to rewrite this as some kind of “healing” relationship for Galadriel completely miss the point and diminish the actual violence and abuse she endured.

I’d love to know what brand of “kindness” involves murder, manipulation, torture, and desecration of loved ones.

By defending Sauron as “understanding” or “helpful,” people are erasing the impact of his cruelty, the kind of cruelty that left Galadriel scarred, hunted, and haunted.

I genuinely hope some of these takes are trolling—because if people genuinely believe Sauron is some kind of “kind” influence on Galadriel, I’m honestly worried for them.

Glorifying abuse or romanticizing a character who embodies calculated cruelty is troubling at best and deeply problematic at worst. Sauron isn’t some misunderstood anti-hero who’s “good” for Galadriel; he’s a sadistic manipulator who thrives on deception and violence.

And let’s be clear, Galadriel is not here to be Sauron’s therapist. Her role isn’t to rehabilitate him, heal his darkness, or stand by while he exploits her traumas.

This kind of thinking is where we veer into dangerously misguided territory.

Galadriel has no obligation to be his redemption arc, no duty to make sense of his twisted motivations or forgive his endless cruelty. She doesn’t possess some bottomless capacity for “forgiveness” that she just doles out freely to those who have wrecked her life. In fact, framing her relationship with Sauron as one that could foster healing or understanding utterly erases the real, devastating impact of his actions.

It overlooks that Sauron tried to destroy her, killed her brother, and desecrated her friends and loved ones and more.

Sauron has been portrayed as the epitome of cruelty, from using her loved ones as pawns to gaslighting her in moments of vulnerability. His manipulation wasn’t some misguided, accidental misstep; it was a calculated effort to destabilize her and gain control. We’re talking about someone who willfully destroyed everything and everyone around her, leaving her in a constant state of survival.

If this is supposed to be “kindness,” then I am sincerely alarmed by this interpretation.

Galadriel’s journey, her strength, and her resilience are hers. She has fought to survive and rebuild, not to carry the weight of Sauron’s sins or give him a free pass on his malicious actions. She has limits, vulnerabilities, and every right to hold onto her own boundaries and values, which she has firmly established throughout her life.

Repeat with me people: Forgiveness isn’t infinite, nor is it owed.

The idea that she should somehow be “understanding” toward Sauron’s abuses is not only baffling but dismissive of her own traumas and boundaries.

Attributing kindness or “understanding” to a character defined by his repeated acts of brutality—who has actively terrorized and killed those close to her—is a massive red flag.

Reducing this violence to a misunderstood “bond” is a dangerous distortion that trivializes real trauma and suffering. We cannot afford to confuse abuse for care, or cruelty for kindness, because it not only distorts Sauron’s character but also disregards the depth of Galadriel’s struggle and survival.

She doesn’t exist to redeem him; she exists to live fully and freely, unchained from the shadow of his destruction.

Galadriel isn’t here to be Sauron’s emotional outlet, his means of “improvement,” or a balm for his cruelty.

She has weathered enough loss and darkness for multiple lifetimes, and she deserves her own peace, free of this twisted rationalization.

If there’s one constant presence in Galadriel’s life, it’s Elrond. Through every triumph, every heartbreak, and every devastating loss, he has been there, steadfast and true. She trusts him with one of the most potent symbols of her legacy, her heart, and her identity: Nenya.

When she entrusted it to him, she wasn’t just passing along a trinket; she was giving him one of her greatest sources of power, telling him to carry it to Gil-galad, someone she trusts, with a weight that few could ever bear.

That isn’t just a passing gesture. That’s the kind of profound, deep-seated trust that is built on years of loyalty and understanding.

And that’s not all—Elrond’s very presence calms her. The fact that she visibly stops trembling when he reaches for her speaks for itself and their bond. There’s a gentle comfort, a reassurance in him that she feels safe in. This is someone who’s earned her trust and loyalty through countless acts of support, not someone who would even think to undermine or belittle her. Calling Elrond “misogynistic” is not only misguided, but it’s a glaring insult to a relationship that has been a pillar of mutual respect and trust.

Let’s be clear: Elrond has shown nothing but loyalty, understanding, and compassion for her. Painting him as anything else is, quite frankly, a weak, baseless interpretation that cheapens both his character and their relationship. Those who call Elrond “misogynistic” aren’t just missing the point; they’re actively ignoring all evidence to the contrary, and for what?

A quick, shallow take that contradicts everything we know about his role in her life?

He’s been there for Galadriel in ways that are anything but controlling or patronizing. He listens to her, stands by her when others fall away, and has enough respect for her choices and independence that she, in turn, trusts him in a way that’s rare and significant. Those moments they share aren’t empty, nor are they superficial. They’re moments where we see the depth of their connection, built on years of friendship, shared experiences, and unspoken understanding. There’s a strength and resilience in their bond that has withstood more than most would endure, and it’s utterly ridiculous for anyone to dismiss that as misogyny.

Elrond’s relationship with Galadriel is one of genuine care, loyalty, and respect—a bond that has nothing to do with undermining her power or her autonomy. When people throw out terms like “misogyny” in relation to Elrond, it honestly reflects more on their need to create drama than any actual analysis of his character. To label someone who respects, supports, and cares for her as “misogynistic” is not only lazy but a poor reflection of the genuine, nuanced bond they share.

It’s honestly baffling that some people are so quick with their pitchforks, charging at anything that doesn’t align with their own view, that they’re willing to twist the story until it barely resembles what’s actually there. They’re rallying under a banner of pseudo-feminism, claiming that Sauron—the literal antagonist, the epitome of cruelty—is somehow “the good guy” because he “made Galadriel open up.” Like, are we watching the same story?

Because what I saw was a manipulator who has never had anything but power and control on his mind.

Let’s get this straight: Sauron “opened her up” alright, in the most twisted, vile way possible. He made himself out to be her ally, whispering exactly what she wanted to hear to manipulate her. Then he mentally tormented her with the image of her dead brother, dressing him up in everything Galadriel associated with purity and love only to taint it. He used her past to break her even more.

This isn’t “making her open up.”

This is weaponizing her trauma, breaking into her mind, using her memories of her dead brother to twist her into submission. How anyone can possibly see that as anything other than outright manipulation and cruelty is absolutely beyond me.

The man literally tried to kill her! He spent every waking moment of his screen time attempting to gaslight, manipulate, and twist her into his pawn, culminating in physical violence. And let’s not forget: this is the same guy who killed her brother, who’s responsible for the deaths of countless of her close friends, and who used Celebrimbor’s body as a banner, who's ruined cities, manipulated everyone trying to get his way. If that doesn’t scream cruelty and malice, I don’t know what does. And yet some people are out here saying “oh, but he made her feel vulnerable; he was kind to her.”

Kind?

Really?????

If that’s what they consider kindness, they seriously need to re-evaluate what they think love and compassion look like, because there’s not a shred of either in Sauron.

What’s even more disturbing is how he twisted her childhood memories. She’s literally in a mental space resembling her memories as a little girl, even wearing a dress that she had back then. He then morphs into her brother, leaning close, whispering poison into her ear, turning one of the most innocent relationships of her life into something dark and manipulative.

That isn’t “kindness”; that’s psychological warfare, plain and simple.

The way he corrupted her memories of her brother is disgusting—an affront to everything she holds dear. This is someone who’s actively working to tear down every pillar of support in her life, to isolate her, so he can better control her. And people are seriously defending this?

And meanwhile, who’s actually been there for her? Elrond and Gil-galad, who’ve supported her, trusted her, and stood by her even when her quest became dangerous. They’re the ones who’ve offered her a place to lean on without breaking her spirit, without trying to shape her into something she’s not. But apparently, that doesn’t fit the drama-filled, pseudo-feminist narrative people are desperate to push, so instead, they twist Elrond and Gil-galad’s genuine support into “misogyny” and call Sauron a “good guy.”

It’s absolutely absurd, and frankly, the mental gymnastics involved to justify that take would be impressive if it weren’t so horrifyingly misguided.

Also (probs a hot take but I mean you're on my blog so what do you expect-): “wanting Galadriel to forgive Sauron” isn’t some emblem of “girl power.”

And neither is the idea of her “healing” him.

There’s no empowerment in bending to the whims of her abuser or in opening herself up to someone who has systematically torn down every safe space and person she’s ever known. If you’re hellbent on wanting Galadriel to be this “strong woman,” then maybe don’t advocate for her to keep being tormented and manipulated by the one person responsible for all the pain she’s suffered.

That’s not strength; it’s glorifying abuse under the guise of some pseudo-feminist ideal.

There’s this strange irony in people claiming they want Galadriel to be independent, to be strong, yet they seem to want her locked in an endless cycle of manipulation with Sauron, who has literally preyed on her vulnerabilities from day one.

What they’re pushing for isn’t “strength” or “girl power”; it’s a twisted need for Galadriel to keep “fixing” Sauron, a person who has shown no remorse, only calculated moves to control and dominate.

And if you want to ship this pairing, go ahead—it’s your prerogative.

But let’s not kid ourselves: this ship is on some level based on glorifying the very manipulation and darkness that Sauron brings into her life.

There’s no soft underbelly there; it’s not a misunderstood romance. We’re talking about someone who, with full awareness, transformed himself into the guise of Galadriel’s brother, twisted her memories, and then leaned in close to plant his poison. Who destroyed cities, killed hundreds of people, tortured people... Do I need to go on?

He didn’t do this out of any love or misunderstood affection; he did it because he knew exactly how to break her spirit. Because he wanted power.

And for those who genuinely think this is an empowering storyline, please, go back and look at the scenes we’re talking about.

This is someone who has turned Celebrimbor’s body into a banner, who actively killed Galadriel’s friends and family, and who has taken every opportunity to break her down. Who killed everyone standing on his way to power.

This isn’t a redemption arc; it’s an attempt to shackle her to her own trauma.

For those cheering on a “redemptive” relationship between these two—if you can’t see how problematic that is, I honestly worry about what you think healthy love and respect look like.

Also, very important: Abused women (or people in general) don’t have to forgive, forget, or extend a single ounce of emotional labor to the person who harmed them.

There’s no obligation to “be the bigger person” or “heal the one who hurt them,” and it’s disturbing that some people believe Galadriel should take on this impossible, damaging role. Forgiveness is a choice, not a requirement, and for survivors of real trauma, sometimes the healthiest, most powerful choice is to walk away and never look back.

It’s baffling that some people are so invested in seeing Galadriel “redeem” Sauron or forgive him as if that somehow validates her strength. Strength isn’t found in bending over backward to heal her abuser; it’s in her resilience, in her commitment to herself and her allies, and in the boundaries she chooses to set with those who have repeatedly wronged her.

People clamoring for Galadriel to extend her grace to Sauron seem to forget that her strength lies in not being a savior for someone who has proven himself as irredeemable time and again.

Let’s look at the facts. Sauron didn’t just make a mistake or go down the wrong path; he committed outright atrocities.

This is a person who didn’t slip up or stray; he is the architect of pain, not a misguided soul needing “healing.”

Why should Galadriel be burdened with the weight of “fixing” him?

To be clear, advocating for her to let Sauron back into her life or, worse, to forgive him, is the opposite of respecting her strength. It’s as if people want her to forget all the pain he’s caused her for the sake of some feel-good ending that absolves him of responsibility. This expectation that women must forgive or reconcile with their abusers is outdated and toxic.

Survivors of abuse don’t owe anyone closure or compassion—they owe themselves the peace and freedom that comes with cutting toxic people from their lives and honoring their own worth.

People, she literally tried to unalive herself to AVOID him and being USED by him and literally said "Heal yourself" ?????

Like, I'm just baffled by some of those takes, cause literally, on SCREEN it's shown she doesn't want to fix or forgive him.

On a lighter note: Rob LITERALLY said this in his recent interview when asked about Morfydd/Galadriel's relationship with Elrond:

"You find yourself on the opposite side of the argument to someone who you absolutely love and have such a strong bond with. So how do you navigate that? And what does that mean, especially when you have such respect and this person is so powerful in the world?"

People are just trying to join the Antis Olympics, once again, and twist every little thing they can to try to dismiss something genuine and excuse my french, it's early and I haven't had my coffee yet: it's pathetic.

Imagine trying to twist EVERYTHING from a genuine, loving relationship, where both characters are not abused, where they've shown for YEARS that they LOVE and CARE for each other like?????

Are people THAT blind?????

And it's the SECOND TIME he said it!! the first was here:

[love-beyond-space-war]

Atriox x Female Civilian Pet Reader; has really long hair down to her bottom and has the same braids and war face paint has him

❤️ Your TUMBLER! Keep it up 👍🏼!

Oh hey! I know you on my main blog :) Sure! I'm happy you enjoy my Tumblr(s). Made these HCs if that's fine, I don't have a lot of those on this blog. Not fully proofread, sorry for mistakes!

Atriox x Female! Civilian Pet! Reader

Synopsis: HCs of Atriox caring for a young human woman like a pet and companion.

Content Warnings: Romantic Pairing, Female Reader, Human/Jiralhanae pair, Human pets mention, Slight degrading behavior, Some possessive/protective behavior, Leans into dark territory at times but I kept it light, Canon typical violence.

You are easily Atriox's most prized companion.

He is fine with humans as some Banished are actually human.

Although... you're different.

You are no fighter, you aren't meant to be.

No, instead you were taken in as some sort of "pet" for Atriox after having nowhere else to go.

Despite this... the Banished leader treats you with care.

Care enough to leave his mark on you, anyways.

By that I mean he models your looks in his image.

He has your long grown out hair braided similar to his beard.

He's careful with it, probably doing it himself as you sit very still.

That along with similar face paint to what he wears.

When people see the skull-like war paint on your face... they'll associate you with Atriox.

Which is exactly what Atriox wants.

I say this as I imagine Jiralhanae are possessive of what's theirs.

If Atriox has claimed you as his human companion, a pet to pamper and coddle, then he wants the rest of The Banished to know.

Another way to show you're claimed is him dictating what you wear.

Atriox probably has Banished humans get your size then create human armor tinged a crimson red.

You're dressed like a warrior, even if you couldn't harm even the smallest creature.

That isn't your role... your role is to attend to the needs Atriox has.

Atriox has Banished members close to him, yet you're closest to him.

Atriox always has you around him.

Even during meetings others will catch him holding onto you, a young human woman dressed in Banished paint and clothing, sitting beside or on the large Jiralhanae.

The role itself is a bit degrading.

Yet Atriox doesn't harm you, surprisingly.

Atriox could slaughter or have others slaughter countless humans who oppose him.

Yet then he comes back to you and gently brushes his claws against your cheek or rubs your head.

You reciprocate, too.

Perhaps you were against this role in the start... but now you respect and maybe even adore Atriox.

He's your leader... a master probably... and the one who tends to you.

You can be Atriox is hesitant or even hostile to the idea of having other members around you.

They may speak to you briefly... but he will cut them off if they are too close.

He's possessive and dislikes the attention others give you.

However, he is quickly reassured when you go back to clinging to him and listening to his words.

Atriox finds pride in how well you listen to him.

If he asked you to roll over, you probably would.

As a result... your loyalty rewards you freedoms.

After all, he's already dressed you like him to show others not to touch you.

You can roam Banished areas as long as you come back to him.

Atriox keeps you clean and makes sure when you sleep it's in comfort.

If someone advised against him caring for you they'd be dealt with.

Atriox may not show it but he loves it when you declare your devotion to him.

Tell him you love him... tell him you're his... show your loyalty and he'll praise you.

He's taught you well, no?

Atriox definitely seems like he'd keep you in his lap.

His prized lap dog.

I imagine when it comes to treating you like a pet he'd call you things like, idk, "Good Girl?"

Again, it can sound degrading, but he means it in an oddly affectionate tone.

Especially when he says it while squeezing you tight or tracing a claw around your cheek.

I imagine if Atriox dies he'd have it set for you to go to who's next in charge.

He hates the idea of giving you to some other Jiralhanae... but he'll give you to someone he trusts to be cared for.

Which would most likely be Decimus or Escharum.

So despite your position, Atriox would take care of you.

You're protected... and in a way loved.

Atriox may not fully see you like he'd see a mate, but it's pretty darn close.

He is surprisingly caring towards you in private.

If you got injured he'd no doubt kill whoever allowed it to happen.

Atriox hasn't cared for any human as much as you.

You may be considered a pet to most others...

But to Atriox? You're most likely much more than that.

Which brings you a strange, but welcome sense of comfort when you see him.

[libertarian-druid-ny-separatist]

I'm not able to post your reblog for some reason and since I fancy myself have that point be censored by tumblr, I'll continue here.

Yeah it's tough. I'm glad you picked up on my implication. You go about your day, don't mean anyone harm and then all of a sudden to someone you're a nazi. It just goes from looks to differences in behavior towards you (like a cashier for example) for now but still I imagine if an affiliated political party were to go very near winning, I can see even violence happening a lot more frequent. There are friendships tho who were lost, not in my case specifically, but it's very apparent that when the day closes in where the ballots are counted, people tend to be skeptical of each other, everyone seems to be uncertain of other's intentions when they've easily spoken to each other for years before. It happens so often neighbors suddenly stop talking to and start hating each other just because they're told to decide. If the stigma found its grip on you, I guarantee you ain't losing it. Anytime soon. Back then had a thing called "denunzieren". Which basically means ratting out people to the Nazis. Now it's who might be even closely related to any of their viewpoints which don't get me wrong is pretty much the easiest way to prevent another tragedy like that fron happening but it's been very much taken to an extreme that's not funny anymore. Have a viewpoint not even conforming with Nazi ideology but just the slightest of margins from the status quo and bam Nazi, instantly. Oh, you don't want corona measures being put into place? Bam Nazi just like that. And that's just the most mindless of examples I've heard about. It's basically become a way for our government to oppose and oppress any movement against them. Don't conform? Boom, you're a Nazi

I mean, I used to get called a nazi a shitload, so I'm just sorta used to it. To be fair, there are folks that called themselves Libertarians that did act more like authoritarians, though mostly in South America.

I refuse to "conform" to anyone. I'm an individual, and all individuals are inherently different. That's perfectly okay as long as you're not using it as an excuse to be a shit tier person.

But of course, obeying the law also makes you a bootlicker, even if the law makes sense to you in some libertarian circles.

Sorry, it's late, I'm at work still, and frankly I'm getting ready to sue my boss for violating the Americans with disabilities act.

Not revealing any info just in case they wanna settle out of court in a way that makes me sign an nda. But I'm kinda focused on that.

[ooc-miqojak]

People love to say they support neurodivergent people - but I've found that this is lip service, more often or not, because it requires a lot of patience - and the ability not to assume the worst about a person (especially in a digital space). Every ND person is unique, and has their quirks! But in an online space, I've found that people just tend to assume the worst about you, and kick you/block you/ghost you for your behavior or words, instead of taking the time to have an emotionally mature talk about what happened, and explain why this thing that happened/thing that was said was upsetting or problematic - you're never given the opportunity to explain that you meant no harm. Many of these people, in my case, I've spoken to at length when I was getting to know them about how important communication is - if I've said or done something upsetting, I can't read your mind! I have to know, before I can amend things, and adjust my behavior.

Sometimes I'm oblivious to what I've said/done, because my 'normal' is different. For instance, I love to debate - not argue - but debate. It's interesting to see others' POV! Variety is the spice of life after all, and if we all had the same beliefs and outlooks, that would be boring! But for some reason, most people seem to see a debate as an emotional argument? It's as though you can't disagree - not even respectfully - without people assuming you're angry or mad or attacking them. I don't understand people who get intensely emotionally invested in these debates (when they're not about typical hot button topics, as I don't do religious/political debates) - to me it's like a football player claiming someone on the opposing team was legitimately attacking them, not tackling them as a normal part of the game.

But I also don't engage in 'sub-text' as many neurotypicals do, either - to me, it's not only a waste of time, but a quick way to end up tangled in miscommunication. I say what I mean, and I tell people this... and they'll still apply some hidden meaning to it that is entirely fabricated... then get angry at me for sub-text that isn't really there. (When I was reprimanded in an online space earlier this year, I kept asking what I did wrong... and got told that I was arguing by asking what I was being scolded for/why I was being condescended to.)

ADHD people are regularly called 'passionate' - so much so that I almost want to roll my eyes when I hear it, now... but it remains a decent word to explain, for neurotypical people, our seemingly 'over the top' behaviors - be they positive or negative. And I've had people online assume I'm mad, or attacking them... when I'm just excited... or "passionate." Emotional dysregulation can be hell - some compare it to a car with no brakes. Normal people apply the brakes before the words come out - ADHDers lack those brakes. It means I try to be hyper aware, instead, and apply the Fred Flinstone brakes. I don't always catch myself, either - and in-person/on voice chat, this can result in things that seem rude - like interrupting others; but this isn't meant to be rude, and I don't realize I've done it! I'm excitable, and with the way ADHD works, I feel as though I have to get this comment out before I forget it! If I have to hold onto this thought, I'll either forget it, or spend the entire time the other person is talking trying to hold onto that thought, and miss what's said. But other people just tend to assume I'm being rude by interrupting - so I told a friend I upset this way that he's allowed to notify me in some manner when I've done this - because I don't want to be rude! I don't want to steamroll a conversation - and sometimes I need a gentle reminder that I've done so. I often jokingly compare myself to a jumpy golden retriever - I love people! But no one really wants a big dog jumping all over them, even if the dog means well - sometimes you have to say 'down', and the dog will stop jumping! They just forgot not to do this unwanted behavior because they were so excited!

Emotional dysregulation to me is like my emotions are a volume dial on a radio that was cranked way too high, and the dial broke off. The volume is permanently too loud - which is great when I'm happy, and devastating when I'm sad. But I don't get to turn them down, either way - the volume is stuck at max.

So yeah, sometimes people online need a little grace - a little patience, and for others not to jump to the worst possible assumption. Your normal isn't the same as everyone else's normal, and you might have to take extra time to understand where someone is coming from, and what they meant. Sometimes you might need to explain something that seems obvious to you, but it isn't to someone else. Sometimes that 'rude' thing that happened wasn't at all intended to be upsetting/rude, and talking to the person who said/did that thing can clear the air, and they can apologize and note that this is something they should not do or say, or that they should be more aware of.

Sometimes, the dog is just jumpy and excitable - not aggressive.

[mercifullymad]

Interesting update to my previous posts urging people to call their senators and oppose the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA): KOSA is "essentially copied" directly from legislation created by a British Baroness and film director who directed, among other things, the second Bridget Jones movie.

Baroness Beeban Kidron, who has been successful at pushing various online restriction bills through British Parliament, is partnering with U.S. politicians championing similar causes. I very much agree with her stance that it is the responsibility of platforms, rather than parents or kids, to ensure their product is safe for users of all ages. However, the Electronic Frontier Foundation opposes the too-vague language used in one of the U.S. bills copied off of Kidron's bills, the California Age-Appropriate Design Code Act (CAADCA), which has already been signed into law and will go into effect in 2024. CAADCA, "the first [law] of its kind anywhere in the U.S.," says it will "protect children from seeing posts about self-harm or from predatory digital advertisers."

The same problem occurs over and over again with these children's digital "protection" bills — the language is simply too vague, and vague enough to be implemented dangerously by either social media companies or Republicans using these bills to block children from seeing queer or race-conscious content. Aside from those more obvious problems, we also must think seriously and deeply about what good it does to stop everyone under 18 (as CAADCA defines a "child," with no differing restrictions for different ages under this cut-off) from seeing any content about self harm, suicide, eating disorders, and other forms of "self-destructive" conduct that are imagined to be highly transmissible by the sane public. Why do these bills prevent children from seeing content about "self-destructive" behavior but not "other-destructive" behavior? Why do they focus more on preventing access to content about suicide rather than content glorifying gun culture, or content about eating disorders rather than content about white supremacy, sexism, transphobia, and fatphobia (some of the biggest forces causing/encouraging eating disorders)?

These bills want children to self-manage their reactions to living in a dangerous and unjust world in "proper" ways, without actually moving the conditions of the world closer toward safety and justice. And per usual, the target audience of these bills are children who are imagined to be not-mad, children who are not already contemplating suicide or hurting themselves, but who could be "corrupted" into doing so by nefarious forces on the internet. Meanwhile, already-mad children get psych-warded or locked out of the care need.

There's a fine line to thread here, because I am extremely pro-regulating Big Tech and pro-digital privacy/rights, and I don't want to come off as if I'm not. But much of the motivation for these bills comes not so much for genuine concern for digital privacy but overextended paternalism of (mad) children and even more generally, an unexamined discomfort with changing norms for social interaction in a digital world. Kidron recounts that she initially got into this sphere of activism because she once walked into a room to find a bunch of teens "all just looking at their screens," prompting her to make a documentary about teens' digital behaviors. More than looking at how much time children are spending on screens and what they're doing on screens, we must first look at why they're using this technology in these ways. The why of it surely has more answers to what we can do to make the world more livable for them.

[selfshipseaside]

Definitely kicking a hornet's nest with this one,

but it's a chance to vent so here we go.

I wish people would keep DNI's to their own pages, rather than putting them on every single selfship post.

I hate when I see an imagine that I would otherwise reblog, but it has a big DNI at the bottom.

My blog doesn't have a DNI, and I don't want to endorse the DNI's of other people or make any of my followers feel unwelcome because someone else's DNI is on my blog, so I just don't reblog those kinds of posts.

(I mean on some level I don't think DNI's are even that effective in the first place. I kinda just wish people would block blogs they don't like or agree with rather than calling for a public harassment campaign against them. I suppose on some level this technically makes me "proship" in the literal sense that I oppose harassment over shipping, but I also don't actively ship the kinds of things proshippers are supposedly known for, and I understand why they might make people uncomfortable, so I guess I'm neutral? I just wish people would use the block button instead of creating this atmosphere of exclusion. We all just want to imagine our F/O's; we shouldn't have to agree on everything to reblog an imagine.)

This is all a very fair point to make, anon! I also recognize the hornets nest *I'm* kicking by answering this ask. I have an opinion that...well, a lot of users won't like, probably. But I'll be the first to say it if not the only one. (And let me preface this, because some of you will take this as an opportunity to harass me. I'm not on either side, neutral, or adjacent at all. I do not associate myself with discourse, this is known!) DNI's to me, are extremely performative (Especially DNI banners, what's the point?). And yet, everyone has a general DNI. I do! But I do recognize how performative it is at it's core, I have one to try and attempt to what everyone else does, keep the bad eggs out. But, we cannot control people, we can't ever know who anyone is truly through a screen. Using your own judgement to weed people out is and will remain the best solution for personal curation of your own space. I can't trust a good chunk of this community because I know I'd get taken advantage of in one way shape or form, it's happened to me multiple times already. I will also say that not having a DNI might inherently outcast you from the general community due to everyone's fear of somehow supporting a bad person, or alternatively attracting people you might not want to interact with you, so a lot of people have DNI's, but don't like having them (Myself included). I don't usually answer asks that blatantly claim their stance, or blatantly oppose a stance. This blog is entirely discourse free, and I want to respect absolutely everyone who is worthy of my respect(IE, people who aren't causing harm, people who aren't assholes for no good reason). I also cannot control who does and doesn't interact with my blog, unless I catch them by chance (I see too many accounts fly by in my inbox to keep track, ya dig?) If i see someone I don't agree with interacting with me, say someone who I genuinely believe to be abhorrent with their behavior, I block them. It's not my job or responsibility as a community self-shipping blog to build people's spaces for them. That's their job. This is why call-out/block-lists posts are not my gig, nor will they ever be. They're also performative, and spread a type of negativity that I just simply wont ever promote in a place of comfort and safety. This might be the only time I ever mention this blatantly, but perhaps the future has something else in store. I'm unsure! I just know that a lot of my opinions are rooted from having a perspective and lens in every single playing field to now not even inhabiting any side whatsoever. I'm very articulate with how I manage my morals, I might be a radicalist in some aspects, and grey in other areas. Life doesn't have lines for the less abhorrent tidings. DNI's are one of many human responses of trying not to look like a bad person out of fear, and perhaps even being unsure of themselves and relying on others to speak for them. But that's another topic I won't get into! Sorry this got so long! I do enjoy talking about this subject, but it's just interesting to see how everyone feels. I want to promote listening and civil discussion, emotional intelligence and discussion on community dynamics. Once again, controversial takes are welcome! Let's discuss stuff about our community!

[majimemegoro]

Hello Ms. Majimemegoro! I saw that you're playing Lost Judgement now, so I have a few questions I'd like your opinion on (feel free to answer as seriously/un-seriously as possible sgsggdsds this is def for fun)

1. Why do you think RGG Studios decided to name the generic boss fight theme song in LJ as "vore"?

2. In Soma's theme song "Viper", there are at least 2 (3?) instruments playing. Obviously Soma can't be playing his own music since he's busy doing the stabbing, so do you think he outsourced the job to his RK lackeys? Or does he only trust Akutsu to play all instruments? He is a very competent subordinate after all!

3. What is your opinion on this detective?

For me, Nabe-san's the hottest man in the entirety of LJ hands down, but also he ruined my Hard mode streak because my controller wouldn't respond to his QTEs and I had to switch to Easy for his fight only, which I'm still bitter about

4. Which do you side with (aesthetically or morally or whatever), Black Leather Jacket with Cigarettes, or Brown Leather Jacket with Vapes? (follow up question: does your mom agree?)

1.Why do you think RGG Studios decided to name the generic boss fight theme song in LJ as "vore"? I saw the full name is vorarephilia and i was like 'oh but thats just latin, i wonder what it means'

ok. no further comment.

2. In Soma's theme song "Viper", there are at least 2 (3?) instruments playing. Obviously Soma can't be playing his own music since he's busy doing the stabbing, so do you think he outsourced the job to his RK lackeys? Or does he only trust Akutsu to play all instruments? He is a very competent subordinate after all!

i think soma has no boss theme, that wonderful terrifying slasher music was in my mind. a reflection of my mental state.

3. What is your opinion on this detective? Well I think he should be friends with Date-san because they are both gruff slightly rumpled but competent detectives whose hearts are in the right place. I don't have strong opinions with him really but my SISTER. well she thought this dude had mad chemistry with Yagami. and also with her.

4. Which do you side with (aesthetically or morally or whatever), Black Leather Jacket with Cigarettes, or Brown Leather Jacket with Vapes? (follow up question: does your mom agree?)

aesthetically kuwana's outfits suck, he has a big baby head, and vaping is yuck. i also find his voice in the dub really annoying. finally I think he is, frankly, an idiot.

*BIG SPOILERS ALSO MENTIONS OF BULLYING AND SU*CIDE* there's room for nuance and im not categorically opposed to vigilanteism in principal. But there's one thing I can't get over: out of people who kill themselves, a certain proportion of them will have done so partially in response to someone who was harming them in some way—emotionally or physically or whatever. but only a specific subset of these harm-creating people are going to be called 'bullies': and that's kids. Kuwana is choosing to go after specifically children whose behavior led someone to su*cide, and not adults whose behavior did the same. WHat the heck kuwana!! did you even think this through !! hes a deranged little man. i can appreciate that in a character but sadly coupled with his lacklustre aesthetic this is an L for him on all sides. and my mother:

"This is easy! Black and brown leather jackets are both fine, but more important to have a vintage/used one! Cigarettes - you actually know what they are doing to you. Sorry, vapers, but to me those look stupid, like sucking on a great big ball point pen. Plus, popcorn lung."

After i gently suggested that the question was supposed to make her pronounce on yagami vs. kuwana, she said the following:

"One. *disparaging tone* Kuwana's voice.

"Two. Yagami is cute but in a mainstream way that's a bit irritating.

"Three. Well I might get in trouble for saying this. But I like the way his jeans fit and the way he walks. They did... a good job on that.

"Four. Yagami is better in every way.... except when he's dancing and he SMILES."

she also drew a picture of yagami getting hit by a car <3

[daughter-of-sapph0]

the safety of women and women's rights are in no way threatened by trans people. women's rights and trans rights go hand in hand. she is not protecting anyone.

also, you wanted sources? here you go, since apparently I have to do your own research for you.

here's her lobbying the UK government

here's her not only being transphobic, but also supporting and funding homophobia and sexism against women

here's an explanation on how exactly her policies and views are tied to white supremacy

https://www.radicalhistoryreview.org/abusablepast/j-k-rowling-and-the-white-supremacist-history-of-biological-sex/

and here's her being best friends with Matt Walsh, an alt right figurehead who is very strongly and openly sexist, homophobic, racist, antisemitic, Islamophobic, and who literally self describes himself as a fascist

these are not attacks on her. these are actual real facts and real things she is doing. if you think that simply saying exactly what she is doing is an attack on her, that says all you need to know about her.

I'm all for people expressing their feelings and opinions. but the moment your "opinion" starts actively harming people, you are no longer just stating an opinion.

the paradox of intolerance is the idea that a tolerant society that values and respects everyone's opinions cannot allow actions that are dangerous to others. you cannot say "I value your opinion just as much as everyone else's" to a person who claims that women are inferior to men. because by supporting his views, even if you don't actually agree with him, you are making the world a less safe space for women.

jkr is doing that exact thing right now. her actions speak louder than her words. and her actions show that she actively contributes to racism, antisemitism, sexism, ablism, and especially transphobia.

if you actually gave a shit about people negatively affected by bigotry, you would understand that jkr is not the victim, but the perpetrator of violence and bigotry.

but I know for a fact that you don't give two shits about anyone other than yourself and a multimillionaire who doesn't even know you exist.

I hope you have the life you deserve.

She ain't even subtle anymore lmao

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

looking for: support, validation, reassurance

tw: sibling abuse (?)

I’m writing this at 3 am trying to figure out if I’m crazy. I can’t tell if I love my brother or not. Most of the time we have a fairly normal sibling relationship I guess but then there are times he is completely awful.

I have to preface this with the fact that my older brother has ADHD, autism, and is currently on anti psychotics for mood. Most of the times when something like this has happened it’s been when he doesn’t take his meds. He gets unbearable when he doesn’t take his adderall, and i understand but it honestly feels like he annoys me on purpose.

He does things, i tell him to stop, he keeps doing it, I tell him more forcefully, he keeps doing it. Until finally I gut so agitated that I yell at him to stop. He then proceeds to humiliate me for getting upset and calls me insane and psycho.

The only time he truly hit me was probably my fault, but he wouldn’t leave my room and when I begged him to please leave because my ears hurt from an infection he mocked and humiliated me. I got angry and jumped at him. He then proceeded to hit me across the side of the head so hard I ended up with a swollen eye with visible broken capillaries around it.

The other two incidents after only really involved threats. This is also probably my fault, but he was making a root beer float and I took a sip of it (what I feel is normal sibling type behavior) he reacted by yelling and repeatedly hitting my arm. I walked away and he said that he wished he could snap my spine in half. I, stupidly, made a snide response in defense causing him to run over with a baking sheet and pull back like he was going to hit me over the head.

the final thing happened earlier today, and is the reason I’m writing this. He was constantly being annoying today and while I was trying to practice my bass he kept murmuring music making it impossible to concentrate. I told him to stop, he didn’t. I was fed up from the rest of the day and shouted at him. He then got up and mockingly screamed at me and fake punched me. Except I didn’t realize he was faking it so I put my hand up to protect my face and he accidentally hit that. He then made fun of me for being scared of him hitting me and faked punching me a few more times before walking away.

every time something like this happens it leaves me in a chokehold of fear. It’s completely irrational but I sit frozen and silent scared that if he hears or sees me he will attack me. I’ve overheard him laughing at something multiple times after an incident, like it didn’t even occur or affect him.

he only ever goes this far when my mom isn’t home. I’ve told my parents but I’m not sure what they can do about it. My brother is almost 20, unemployed, and doesn’t do anything to contribute around the house. My mom doesn’t want to have to kick him out but sometimes I just don’t feel safe.

I hope this wasn’t too long but I really had to share this with someone. I was always too afraid to talk to my school counselor about him because I didn’t want to ruin her view of him so I haven’t had a lot of advice.

thank you so much- scared sister

Hi scared sister,

I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening. Please know that you're not crazy, and your brother's behavior is unacceptable.

It's common and understandable to have mixed feelings about people who have harmed us, especially if we have relationships to or with them. On the one hand, he is your brother and in many ways it makes sense to love him, but on the other hand he's hurt you a lot and it's hard to figure out how to balance those two opposing things.

I don't know too much about how Adderall affects people, but in my mind, if you can have ADHD, be autistic, or miss a dose of Adderall and not be abusive, then I don't believe that any of those things have any influence on his abusive behavior. I think it's common for abusers to attribute their behavior to factors outside of their control, like the effects of medication or neurodiversity, but the truth is that abuse is a choice. When abuse is blamed on other things, it doesn't hold them accountable for their behavior, and instead says "Well he can't help it, it's really x that's to blame," and enables the behavior to continue. Abusers hate accountability, so that could be why his behavior has been chalked up to things outside of his control.

How you've described these incidents of abuse reminds me of reactive abuse, which is when the abuser works to get a rise out of their victim in order to paint them as the abuser, gaslight them, or humiliate them for their justified outburst. Also please know that none of what he's done to you is your fault, including the incident of physical abuse. Your room belongs to you and he is not entitled to it. You deserve to be listened to and respected more.

Regarding the root beer float incident, there are far healthier ways for your brother to communicate his thoughts and feelings. If he didn't want you to have a sip he could've said something like "Please ask me first next time," but instead he decided to harm and intimidate you.

I think it's important to remember that your fear is not irrational at all. Your brother has done things that make you feel physically and perhaps also emotionally threatened, and multiple experiences like that over time can exacerbate your emotions and develop trauma responses. It sounds like he's been triggering your survival mode (fight or flight, technically also fawn and freeze).

As for bringing it up with your parents, it sounds like perhaps they haven't taken your claims seriously. I'm also not too sure what they could do about it but I'm sure there are more consequences they could give him than to just kick him out.

Also please know that as far as bringing it to the attention of your school counselor, his image honestly isn't worth protecting. It's more important that people understand your brother for who he truly is, and not an image that misrepresents him as being better than he really is. You don't deserve to let this stop you from getting the counseling and support that you want.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[outrunningthedark]

Hi, I'm new to the fandom, and I asked werewolfdiaz about it already, but I keep seeing posts about how Ana is ableist, and I was wondering if you could elaborate more?

(pls ignore if this is in anyway rude or ignorant)

HERE WE GO AGAIN.

the skateboarding conversation, explained (you may find that people in this fandom associate her remarks with Eddie’s sexuality as opposed to outright ableism. i would encourage everyone not to dismiss how harmful words like hers can be given the context of the episode)

on ana referring to chris as sensitive

but i also wanted to point out that only getting upset if someone calls a disabled person sensitive is actually ableist

why the choice to have her work at an inclusive school highlights how disrespectful her behavior was

- she also made a comment during 4x08 about “all the lazy students” blaming the teacher when they don’t get good grades (again, considering her former place of employment…big yikes.)

this happened during her final appearance

[gatheringbones]

Bones, how do you break it to a coworker-friend gently that her fawn response to guys being rude/demanding is something she should work on? I have a friend who I'm working a donation drive with, and I noticed when the beneficiaries get really rude, it spurs her on to make more accomodations for them for fear of them bullying another group we're on better terms with, which is a whole other can of worms. We're working on limited manpower and funds so as much as we wish we could accomodate-

All, but bitter personal experience taught me that if we tolerate negative behavior like that, they'll just keep pushing and pushing at boundaries and treat the other group even worse, bc it's what got them results. And this is what my friend isn't gettibmng, despite what I've tried to explain to her.

This is such a hard question to tackle because what you’re describing is a trauma response with decades of conditioning and survival mechanisms behind it and you’ve had such a short window of time to be any kind of an influence at all on this person on an individual level.

and I suspect very much that this question is too big for me to handle, but what I can say that you were on the right track when it came to finding a gentle way to impart this information, even when I don’t think there’s a good chance that a conversation like that can be gentle.

Because it can all too easily turn into shaming her for a survival-based response, right? It can turn into centering the problem around her failures as opposed to the multiple failures that had to happen to even give her that ingrained habit— none of which was her fault. The fawn response is a smart strategy— “You don’t want to kill me, I’m too cute, I’m too accommodating, I’m too precious, you love me”— but it’s one that takes the power differentials for granted the same way that freeze does, even if I would argue that it’s a form of fighting by virtue of the fact that the person stuck in fawn is bravely and valiantly trying to mindfuck someone out of harming them. I love fawn when done right. It means you can get someone to lower their guard long enough for you to pull something strategically interesting. But it backfires when the person fawning doesn’t realize that it’s a tactic, not something they have to do to stay alive when the stakes aren’t even that high to begin with.

I think it’s a question of how you frame the moments in which you talk about how these fawning interactions usually go; how you frame her and her intrinsic value and power as compared to the people attempting to dominate her. Not shaming or judging her or singling her out for resorting to a survival mechanism in a triggered state— but breaking the illusion that she actually was in a position of worthlessness and powerlessness and had to fawn to avoid terrible consequences. Which means reminding her of her worth. Which means talking about and framing these domineering beneficiaries as weak, toothless, and not worth the effort it takes to appease them. Which means reminding her that she’s strong and smart and capable and brave and these people emphatically do not have enough power to truly harm her. You’re building her up enough to recognize her power and to recognize the true stakes despite what trauma conditioning tells her they are.

Patricia Evans calls this Spellbreaking, and I always loved that word for it. The two of you are breaking a spell and there’s nothing harder or more worth doing on this earth. It’s also heartbreaking but you knew that already. Good luck.

[luckyladylily]

Ok I swear this is the last serious thing I'm going to say about the slap.

A lot of the more sympathetic to Will dialogue is along the lines of "Understandable, but I don't condone violence. He could have handled it better." I understand what is meant here in all its nuance. I disagree.

I think we need to consider what we mean by "handling it" here. What are the goals, and what is most important within that set of goals? I think we can all acknowledge that the primary goal here is standing up for and protecting his wife - both from Chris and others who might attack her - and the second goal, really a function of the first goal, is to oppose the kind of bad behavior Chris Rock was openly engaging in.

Ask yourself what other course could he have taken. I mean this genuinely. Think about it for a minute. Come up with two or three.

Now, consider: Would any of those methods of handling it actually achieve either of these goals? Be honest with your assessment.

If he had done an interview after and calmly explained why it was wrong, would anyone care? Would it actually change anything? Would anyone even notice?

If he had approached Chris Rock in private, who was deliberately engaging in bad behavior at the cost of Jada, do we actually think Chris Rock changes his behavior? Do we have any expectations that it will protect Jada in anyway from others? And would it function as a condemnation of this behavior in general?

I don't think anyone reasonable and familiar with the issues could honestly say that they would expect any positive changes from that kind of approach. To be perfectly frank, that isn't "handling it". It's allowing the issue to be swept under the rug and ignored. You could almost consider it complicit in doing so.

So how can you handle it? Well, I can think of no other way than public protest, in this case a public shaming of Chris Rock. Something immediate, something shocking enough that it can't be ignored and communicating how serious the issue is. At the same time you don't actually want to hurt anyone. You want to make sure that even if many ignore it you demonstrate a deliberate, controlled response.

The slap did all these things at once. In particular, the fact that it was a fairly light slap demonstrates that the action was deliberate and controlled. If he had actually caused harm to Chris Rock, such as by throwing a real punch, you could not demonstrate that is the case. This was not an irrational emotional response. It was a rational and appropriate emotional response. I do not know if I could have behaved so rationally in his place.

In a reasonable world the other options we can imagine would make a real difference. We do not live in that world, and I think we all know that. But it's very hard to resist the idea that decorum should override every other concern. The threat of being labeled improper in one way or another, and the extremely harsh consequences of that label, is a threat black people live under their entire lives. The rest of us have been conditioned to enforce that threat to the degree that most of us never even realize that we are an integral part of that power structure. We act as oppressors by instinct.

I genuinely don't think there is a better way Will Smith could have handled it. Our society is not there. If we cannot condone even this extremely minimal altercation I honestly don't think there is a way forward. The social contract is always stacked against the marginalized, and it is especially stacked heavy against black women. It does not allow for upending the status quo. If we are unwilling to support those that step out of the contract when called for we have already given up.

[multifandomingmess]

The One That Got Away (Sonny Carisi x Daughter!Reader) Part 1/2

anonymous inquired:

Hii do you fanfics, imagines for SVU? If so can you do a Sonny x reader where you are his daughter and you try to kill yourself after being raped. The team finds out and hunts the rapist down. If you could make it middle length maybe? It’s ok if you can’t. If you can thank youuu

Trigger Warning(s): mentions of rape, description of rape, suicide attempt, self-harm, language, etc..

Reminder: Spoilers from recent episodes of SVU - so Carisi is ADA now. If you don't like spoilers, please watch/start on Season 22 beforehand. Thank you.

You could still feel the touch of him. How he threw you around like garbage. When you look down at your legs, you see reminders of him. That night was horrifying for you. However, you weren't surprised that you were targeted since you're the daughter of ADA Carisi.

Y/N Carisi - you were born on M/D/Y - having e/c eyes and h/c hair. Despite all that, you grew up near the SVU, so you knew the signs but you felt like you were stupid and deserved this. Like it was meant to happen. You haven't told anyone because you felt ashamed. You know (for a fact) that your dad will literally kill the guy - but you don't want him to risk his job for you.

(POV CHANGE - I/IM/ME/FIRST PERSON)

I came home from school and immediately went to my bedroom. My dad wasn't home yet so I just lay in my bed - and do what I've been doing. I just look at the wall and think. I think about the things I've done, the things I've wanted to do, the things I want to do, and the things that I wanted to do but was too scared to do so.

It's hard being an ADA's daughter because I've seen the threats he's gotten. People have cyberbullied me a lot, which isn't a surprise, but it's still not pleasant. Through my dad, I've felt unsafe because of threats I received - and some of the things that have been done to me.

A few weeks ago, I was raped after my dad won a case. The convicted man's family, who is apart of a mafia, seemed to convey hatred against him. I'm not sure if it's one of them that raped me but I just want to block it out. I want to forget it ever happened but it's not that easy. The past few days have been even harder because the thoughts have gotten worse. My dad knows I struggle with my mental health, in general, but he doesn't know why it's worsened lately. He doesn't know that I've started self-harming again.

It's hard to be alone with all these thoughts - because it's getting harder. I look at the belt nearby and place my hand against the leather. I just want this pain to be gone.

(HOURS LATER; 3RD PERSON POV)

Sonny finally arrived home. He had been trying to get a hold of Y/N but he had no luck. He opened the front door to a silent apartment. He was used to the silence but he felt a different feeling - like something was - like a gut instinct. He knew something was up.

He began to call Y/N's name, "Y/N! Are you home?" Silence. Just pure silence. He looked around the apartment and noticed her backpack on the kitchen counter - so she was home.

He went down the hallway and saw her bedroom door barely shut. He opened the door and he felt his stomach turn. Y/N was hanging from a belt. He rushed to her and unbuckled the belt carefully, so she would fall down, but he grabbed her in time. She placed her on the floor and felt for a pulse. It was weak but she had a pulse.

He took his phone out and dialed 911, before putting the speakerphone on and placing it on the ground. He immediately began chest compressions.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"This is ADA Sonny Carisi of Manhattan. I just came home to my daughter who attempted suicide. Please, send some paramedics and SVU here."

He continued the CPR, "Are there signs of sexual abuse?"

"I don't know but something isn't right. I'm doing CPR right now. Her pulse is weak. Please, hurry."

"Yes sir, just keep doing what you're doing. They're on their way."

Sonny continued to do the compressions, hoping she'd wake up, but she was still unconscious.

"Come on, baby..." He mumbled under his breath, as he continued the compressions.

Minutes went by and the paramedics arrived, along with SVU. They rushed into the house and Sonny stood by, as they began to take her vitals and placed her on a stretcher. Sonny felt like his whole world was turning upside down.

Olivia rushed in there, along with Amanda. "Sonny, what happened?"

"I came home to check on her because she wasn't answering her phone, so when I got here - something felt off and went to her room and found her like this..." He explained, trying to contain his emotions.

"Do you think she was raped?" Amanda questioned, causing Sonny to look down to the ground.

"I don't know but she hasn't been suicidal... I've been with her and something isn't right about this."

Olivia watched them take her out on the stretcher, noticing scratches on her arms, before sighing. Sonny was right. Something was wrong.

Hours had passed and Y/N awoke in a hospital bed, looking around to see her dad and some of his friends. "Dad?"

Sonny immediately rushed to his daughter's side and gave a kiss on her forehead. "How are you, sweetheart?"

She remembered what she did and regret filled her eyes. She placed her palms over her eyes and shook her head. "I'm so sorry, dad..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N." Sonny assurred but she shook her head, throwing her hands down on the bed.

"I do, I really do, Dad." Y/N sobbed out, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. Sonny looked at her and grabbed her hand, rubbing the back of her hand gently.

"Honey, why are you sorry?" She began to tug at the IV, trying to take it out. Machines began to beep uncontrollably, "You're safe, Y/N!"

"Dad, you're gonna kill me..." She yelled out in hysterics, nurses beginning to barge in.

"Sedate her!" One of the nurses shouted. Sonny was forced to get out of the room as he watched her fight off nurses.

"What happened to my babygirl?"

"Sonny..." Olivia began as she placed a hand on his back. "I think she's been raped or assaulted."

Sonny felt himself becoming numb and in shock. Olivia had it wrong, or did she? It would make a lot of sense, though. The huge question was why? Why would someone hurt his babygirl? That question ran through his mind.

Hours passed by and Sonny anxiously paced the halls of the hospital. Olivia had gone in there to talk with Y/N. Sonny knew he couldn't do it and just knew that she wouldn't talk to him about it. Not yet, at least.

"It's going to be okay, Carisi..." Amanda reassured, standing up after sitting in the chair for some time. "We will figure this all out but you need to sit down, you'll make yourself sick."

"I already feel sick and disgusted. I should've known something was off. I should've taken off work when her behavior started changing but I thought it was just teenage things. We've all gone through it..."

Amanda tightened her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. It was really unfortunate. The creak from the hospital room's door interrupted the two. Olivia came out with a clipboard, approaching Sonny at once. "I need you to sit down, Sonny..."

Sonny knew exactly what Olivia was going to say. Either way, nothing would stop the anger evolving inside of him. He didn't protect his daughter like he was always promised. He was already blaming himself.

"She was raped about a week ago. His identity is unknown but she said he had green eyes, black hair, pale skin, and dressed very neatly - but she mentioned that he said it was a warning for you..."

Sonny curled his eyebrows together, bringing eye contact with Olivia. He began to shook his head, grabbing the sides of his face, burying his face into his lap. "No..."

"She said he supposedly was a relative of a case you beat recently."

Carisi pounded his fist into his legs, screaming out, "Damn it!"

He jumped to his feet immediately, rushing toward the exit of the building, anger overcoming him.

"Sonny, you can't pursue this case!" Olivia yelled through the distance. "I have the authority to arrest you and I don't want to do that..."

He stopped in his tracks, turning to her. "You won't let me pursue this but you pursued your buddy Stabler's wife's case..."

"Excuse me?"

"If you can help your old partner out, then you can have my back on this... Either way, I have a feeling on who this is, and no one's stopping me - not even you."

With that, Carisi rushed out of the hospital building, leaving Olivia speechless. She looked at Amanda and audibly sighed.

Carisi got home and skimmed through each case file thoroughly, especially recent cases.

Brown v. Powell

New York State v. Senator Graham

Little v. Brewster

Jackson v. Gallagher

As he went past the Jackson v. Gallagher file, he pulled up the list of relatives for the Gallagher case (the opposing side). He saw Michael Gallagher. He was 35 and had all the features his daughter reportedly claimed. He clenched his hands into fists for a moment before hearing the doorbell ring. He snapped out of it and went to open the door.

In the pouring rain, Olivia stood there. Carisi found himself surprised but grateful.

"I'm sorry..." She gently apologized as she dug her hands into the pockets of her trenchcoat.

"We don't have time for that. I think I found a suspect..."

Olivia widened her eyes a bit as he led her to his office. He began to explain the case to her, which was complicated but expressed how one of the relatives had been sending threats since the trial completed. In which, we have Michael Gallagher.

"This is good... He looks just like the guy she described. This is a good sign, Sonny." Olivia admitted as she pulled out her phone. "I'm going to have them test Y/Ns DNA samples and possibly other DNA matches as soon as they can."

"Thank you, Liv."

She flashed a sly smile at him before she headed out. However, Sonny wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, so the night would be interesting.

[free--therapy]

Overcoming Guilt & Shame

It's important to note that by overcoming shame and guilt, it doesn't mean that we are letting ourselves get away with something that we truly know and believe to be wrong. The point of overcoming it is making sure that we take accountability, responsibility, and coming to terms with what made us feel this way in the first place. There are 5 steps we can take to help us overcome our shame and guilt: assessing the severity of our actions, weighing our personal accountability, atoning for any harm we caused, breaking the silence of our incurred shame, and finally self-forgiveness.

It's suggested that only 1 or 2 of these steps are necessary in helping us overcome guilt, however when it comes to dealing with shame, it's best to try all 5 steps:

1. Assessing the Severity of Our Actions

It doesn't matter how big or small the action is that we feel bad about, we can still feel guilty regardless. It could be as simple as ignoring your mother's phone call to answer your best friend's call, or calling in sick to work when you don't feel like going in, and so on. Our evaluation of how serious our actions or thoughts are depends on our values and rules that we create for ourselves. It'll always be subjective and what we may feel guilty about, another person won't feel guilty in the same situation. If we often feeling guilty or ashamed, it means that we are either living our lives in a way that ends up defying and violating our own values and principles, or we may be judging ourselves too seriously on things that aren't as serious as we may believe. How can we assess how serious our actions are? Consider the following:

Do other people think this is as serious as I do? How come?

Would there be anyone else consider it less serious? How come?

How serious would I consider this to be if my friend did it instead of myself?

How important will this situation seem in a month from now? 1 year? 5 years?

Would I consider it to be serious if someone did the same thing to me?

Was I aware of the consequences or meaning of my actions/thoughts? Based on that, are my current judgments applicable?

Did I cause any damage? If I did, can I still make things right? If yes, how long would it take to do so?

Is there a more worse action I could have taken and didn't?

2. Weighing Personal Accountability

Weighing how much of what we have done and our perception of the wrongdoing is up to us now to take care of. To do this, we must evaluate the situation we're feeling guilt or shame about by starting to consider everyone and every aspect involved in the situation, including ourselves. "Aspects" or factors can be something like alcohol being involved, owing someone money/debt, the time of day (late at night where people are tired), or knowing that the certain people involved in our situation may have experienced abuse in their life as well. Anything that may have relative responsibility to the situation. Create a list, whether on paper or in the mind, and assign values to how big of a responsibility they may have in the particular situation.

Example: Having an angry outburst at a spouse for complaining about not paying bills on time. People responsible for my angry outburst: - myself: 60% - looming debts: 20% - spouse: 12% - 11pm at night: 8%

Compiling a list like this won't entirely help to eliminate guilt however, because there are situations where we should still feel guilty for doing something wrong. That guilt will help us to make amendments and atone for what we have done, but we can manage it in a way where it becomes something productive as opposed to it being another thing we turn on ourselves as a way to self-sabotage (shame). Making these sorts of lists will help us to realize that not everything is entirely our fault in situations where we feel guilty, which can help us feel a lot less guilty at the end of the day.

3. Atoning for Harm We Caused

When we're feeling guilt as a result for causing harm to others, it's important that we make sure we make amends for what we have done. Doing so can have a very important impact in healing ourselves and the relationship(s) we may have ruined. Atoning for our actions involves recognizing what we did and having the courage to face the person we hurt, asking for their forgiveness, and figuring out what we can do to make things right.

Here are some questions we can consider when trying to figure out how we can atone for what we have done:

Who did I hurt?

What did I do that was hurtful?

This is why it was wrong (the values I violated):

This is what I can do to make amends:

This is what I can tell the person I hurt: I recognize that when I (behavior/action) ____________, this hurt you. It was wrong because ___________. I'm sorry that I did that to you. What I want to do is _______ to show you how truly sorry I am. I hope that you can forgive me with time.

We have to remember that even though we may ask for forgiveness, the other person is under no obligation to grant us it and we have to be okay with that. The whole point of asking for forgiveness and trying to make amends is to help us feel better about the guilt that we have, especially when we're truly sorry.

4. Breaking the Silence of Incurred Shame/Guilt

Because shame has to do with having to keep things secretive, it helps for us to talk to someone we trust about what happened. We usually keep these things secret because we believe that if anyone ever finds out, we'll be criticized, condemned, or rejected for it. By telling someone, we may be surprised to find acceptance and this response ends up forcing ourselves to reassess the meaning of the secret that we hold onto. But how do we find someone we can trust when we have trust issues? We have to find someone that we believe we can share our secret in confidence, whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a mental health professional. Holding onto the shame will only increase the impact it has on us. More likely than not, a lot of people are more understanding that we have been led to believe. A lot of people have likely had similar experiences as us and know how to handle it, or they know people who may have been through things and have their an understanding of what we're going through. We all assume we're alone in our suffering and shame, but more likely than not, we are more alike in experiences, and even if we don't have the same experiences as other, we are eager to listen and learn, and offer advice. Not everyone is going to react the way we think.

5. Self-Forgiveness

Part of being a human is making mistakes. Perfection is merely just a concept that will never be attainable, but so many stress over to achieve. All of us at some point in our lives have done things that we told ourselves that we would never do, or violate the morals and values we hold. This is something that we all do and sometimes we may consider ourselves as "bad" people because of them, but violations don't necessarily mean that. Sometimes our actions may have been linked to a certain situation or time in our lives and can change as we progress in life.

When we come to realize this and how we are all susceptible to being imperfect, it's a lot easier to forgive others, including ourselves. Self-forgiveness will help us to alleviate a lot of our shame and guilt. It can lead us to a change in our perspective and interpretation of the mistake we made. We learn to become a lot more compassionate kind towards ourselves as we begin to understand that we may have made said mistakes during a time where we didn't care how we behaved, as opposed to believing we are "bad" people.

Self-forgiveness, just like forgiving someone else, doesn't mean that we are approving, forgetting, or even denying the pain that we have caused to other people. It involves recognizing that we are imperfect, we make mistakes, and that we can accept our shortcomings and the consequences of our actions. We have to be okay with acknowledging and recognizing that we have both good and negative qualities, and that we also have strengths and weaknesses.

Here's how we can begin to work towards self-forgiveness:

What do I need to forgive myself for?

What impact did my actions have on myself on others?

How will it continue to affect me and others?

How do I imagine my life will be better if I can forgive myself?

Forgiveness begins with understanding. What life experiences have I had that might have contributed to what I did?

What would I think about someone else who did the same thing?

What are some positive aspects about myself that I usually ignore when I'm feeling guilty or ashamed?

In a compassionate and kind voice, how can I forgive myself for what I've done?

What are some qualities that I have that can help me to move forward?

Adapted from Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.d & Christine Padesky, Ph.d.