#I'm not okay with 'he's complete shit and you should feel ashamed for liking him' *proceeds to tag the post* like DUDE NO hahaha

[ndostairlyrium]

I really should draw a hair chart for Cullen shouldn't I

I've drawn him in so many hairstyles I'd need three hands to count them lol

[lostfirefly]

one more sketch to feel myself better. if you are sad too, i hope this will help you too) continuation of the morning story

Catherine was lying in bed reading a book when Buggy walked into the bedroom.

"You're back! Hi!" She closed the book and put it away. "You've been out for a long time."

"Yeah, I used your pacing trick." Buggy put his hands in his jeans pocket and shrugged.

"Did it help?"

"A little."

Catherine held out her hand. "Do you wanna join? Or do you want to be alone a little longer?"

Buggy sighed, trudged over to the bed, and collapsed onto the mattress.

"Oh, my Buggy Bear. You haven't been yourself since that show." Catherine began to stroke his back. "Are you still upset? But.. My love.. Try to hear me, okay? Do you understand that different men will still sit next to me during your shows or cafes?"

Buggy nodded.

"Do you understand that I will always choose you?" Smack. "Even if someone close my eyes or gouge them out, I will choose you." Smack. Smack. "Even if someone offer me a lot of money, I will still choose you." Smack. Smack. Smack.

"And if someone offer you a cake?" Buggy chuckled.

"What kind of cake?" Catherine started stroking his arm.

"I don't know. The chocolate one."

"No, I will choose you." Catherine gently poked Buggy in his shoulder.

"And the lemon one?"

"I will still choose you."

"And the lavender one?"

"In that case.. I will think about that."

"Little shit. Can you trade me for cake?" Buggy turned his head towards her. "You should be ashamed, Cathie-pie."

"But it's so delicious. Sweet sponge cakes, nuts, lavender cream." Smack. Smack. "So.. Want to tell me where you were?" Catherine asked softly.

"Meh. Sat at the bar." Buggy continued to mumble into the mattress. "Drank beer and ate hot dogs."

"Sounds great. I bet some girls were flirting with my handsome clown." Catherine giggled.

"Yeah, there was one girl, she was ve-e-e-ery pretty. But as you can see, I had to come back to you." Buggy exhaled. "Because I thought you haven't completely ruined my life yet."

"Yay!! I'm so happy for you! You chose suffering!" Catherine laughed and kissed him in the head.

"Yeah. By the way, I brought you a chocolate bar. It's in my back pocket."

"You're so cute!" Catherine moved her hand down his back. "Wait! Isn't this like last time? When instead of a chocolate bar there were your fingers?"

"Hah!" Buggy laughed. "I remember you screamed like a baby that day!"

"You freaked me out! How did you even come up with that?!! For a second I thought you put your little Buggy in your pocket."

"Hey! He's not little!! And hey! Are you going to take the chocolate or not?" Buggy moved his butt slightly.

"God forbid you deceive me, fucking clown!" Catherine pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket and slapped him on the butt.

"Baby, I'm not in the mood now! Maybe later?" Buggy giggled idiotically.

"Go to hell, pervert! This is for that time." She slapped his butt again. "And this is for now! Oh, my favorite! The nougat and nuts! Thank you, my love!" Catherine leaned back against the headboard, and Buggy curled up next to her.

"I don't deserve you, Catherine Elizabeth Mitchell." He exhaled, "You're perfect."

"Who? Me?" Catherine hugged him with one arm and broke off a chocolate bar with the other. "I'm not perfect, Buggy. Sometimes I get mad at you and I nag. Sometimes I get mad at myself, sometimes I cry, sometimes I boss you around too much. You see, even now I'm eating chocolate and hugging you with just one arm. Is this what perfect girls do? I don't think so. The perfect girl would be crying with you right now."

"Okay, fine, you're disgusting. The most disgusting girl I've ever met." Buggy broke off a piece of chocolate.

"Hey! That's mine!" Catherine slapped his hand playfully.

"Well, you're definitely disgusting girl. You even begrudge me the chocolate bar. Horrible, horrible woman. And I don't love you. And that's why I brought you this." Buggy took another chocolate bar from his other pocket and gave it to her. "Here."

"Another chocolate?! Thank you!!" Smack. "And I don't love you either, by the way."

"So we both think you're disgusting, and we don't love each other?" Buggy kissed her in the shoulder.

"Yes!" Catherine laughed, biting chocolate.

"But we'll still stay together and continue annoying each other?"

"Yes!"

"Not bad." Buggy chuckled. "Cathie-pie."

"What my Buggy Bear?" She started stroking his neck.

"Can you make me pancakes?"

[mamawasatesttube]

The 13 "you're safe, I promise" with Lois and Kon.... 👀

Kon can't breathe.

Well—that's fine. He's Kryptonian. He doesn't need to breathe, anyway. And besides, he can breathe. Kinda. He just can't do it very well, but that's fine. He's fine. It's fine. He doesn't really need to breathe. It's fine.

Boiling water splashes over the rim of the mug all over his hand; it doesn't really hurt, but he still hisses and jerks the kettle away on impulse. Shit. He's supposed to be making a cup of tea, not spilling hot water all over the kitchen—

"Conner?"

Fuck.

"Oh, hi there, Lois!" Act natural! Act natural! Is leaning on the counter and crossing his arms acting too natural? Is there such a thing as acting too natural? "Didn't, uh, see you there! What brings you to this fine establishment? ...Kitchen? ...Room? At this hour of night?"

Lois, standing in the doorway, raises an eyebrow. "You have superhearing."

Kon snorts. The flutter of anxiety in his chest swells. "Well, that doesn't mean I always use it. C'mon, you know I'm dumb as a rock, Lo."

"Right. And I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed."

Lois steps into the kitchen properly. Kon watches, horrified, as her eyes fall to his hand and the mug and all the spilt water; she's going to know something is wrong, but—nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. There's nothing to know. But she's going to know anyway.

The worst part is, since it's Lois, she'll know exactly what's up even if he cleans it all up with superspeed. The sudden movement will catch her eye. The subtle changes in the environment. She knows what it looks like.

"Conner," Lois says, and Kon knows the jig is up. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing!" Kon nudges the mug away from the edge of the counter. Steaming water sloshes over the side onto his hand again; Lois winces, but Kon just wipes it on his shirt, not caring. "I just, uh... you know. Nothing. I'm chill. Cooler than ice cold. You know."

Lois gives him a look. Kon resists the urge to bury his face in his hands.

...His hands. They're shaking.

"Hey."

Lois, apparently, notices that too, because she steps closer, and then she's holding his hands in both of hers, her thumbs rubbing gently over his knuckles. Her hands are so much smaller than his, so delicate, and yet... it's kind of nice.

"It's okay, squirt," she says, her voice gentler. "Talk to me. Something's clearly eating you. Everything alright?"

Kon looks away, at the kettle sitting on the stovetop, and feels shame twist in his gut. "I... yeah, everything's fine. Just... you know. Nightmare, that's all."

Lois's face softens even further. It's not an expression Kon is really used to seeing on her; everything about her is usually sharp, sharp, sharp. But she's nothing but kind as she squeezes his hands. "Oh, kiddo. Wanna talk about it?"

Kon laughs against the tightness in his chest. "I mean, you know, it was nothing special, just—you remember that whole thing where I died once, so... yeah! What else is there to say?"

He tries to laugh again, but the memory of the dust and smoke clogs his chest, and it dies in his throat. Fuck. Everything still feels shaky and unsteady and—

Lois pulls him into her arms.

She's a full head shorter than him, and her frame is much more slight, and there's no way she should logically be able to offer him nearly as much solace as she is, and for a heartbeat Kon is completely, utterly frozen in her embrace—

And then she rubs his back with a firm hand and murmurs, "You're safe, kiddo. I promise."

—and time begins to move again.

Kon squeezes his eyes shut and slowly, slowly sinks against her, his hands coming up to rest tentatively against her back. Her heartbeat is loud, steady, and slow in his ears, and the rush of blood through her veins is a steady white noise to drown out his memories.

He takes a breath.

"That's it," Lois encourages, and rubs his back again. "You're okay. You're okay."

Kon lowers his head to tuck his face into her hair. He should feel ashamed, and he knows he will later, but right now, the comfort is overwhelming enough to banish all those thoughts from his mind, and he just... stays.

"Thanks, Lois," he mumbles, finally, several seconds later, when he can bring himself to withdraw.

Lois pats his shoulder, smiling. "Hey, don't sweat it. Anytime. After all," she says, "What else is family for?"

Then she turns to add milk and sugar to his tea, just the way he likes it, and he thinks he can breathe a little easier after all.

[tvuniverse]

Listen i just want to preface this by saying I don't even personally hate Tommy, but that's not really the point i want to make so here goes nothing.

The way a lot of people act as if it's impossible to dislike him because the characters have moved on so so should we, right? and that's the thing right here, as poc we're always being told to move on. We can't express our feelings, we can't hold grudges, we can't complain about issues without making it something more than it is, we always have to just... move on.

I know people are going to say it's just a show, it's not that serious, but the issues it touches on and the way fandom speaks on those issues are.

I've seen a lot of comparisons between Tommy and other mains, how each of them are flawed and have screwed up one way or another, and you're right, but it's still unfair to compare him to them. We've seen each of the main characters experience guilt, or be ashamed of their action, we've seen them apologise, put in the work to actually grow, and they have. There's not enough time in an episode for us to see that for side characters. In this case, Tommy didn't do any of the above and that's normal, he was a plot device to show some very real societal issues, and especially what people of colour/women might go through in the workplace, and once he served his purpose he didn't get much more beyond a few scenes where it seemed like everything was fine between him and chim/hen. It would be more appropriate to compare him to the buckley parents, (who appeared in more or less the same amount of episodes) like if people suddendly started saying no one is allowed to hate them because they got their redemption, their kids more or less forgave them, they more or less tried to be better parents. And yet it's still not enough for a lot of people, because how they treated their children, the shit they've said to them, hits a little too close to home for a lot of people and so no matter what the show says or does, they'll still be mostly hated by the audience, and that's more than okay. But if margaret buckley is your favourite character than by all means be my guest. And listen, i love this show, it's all about hope, and it means everyone gets a redemption arc, as short as it is (sometimes even just a sentence lol), but we won't always be satisfied with these arcs, especially if they don't feel proportional to the hurt the characters may have caused to our mains, so we'll all have different reactions to them.

I swear liking a morally ambiguous/grey character says absolutely nothing about you, but making excuses for them, antagonising people who might dislike them (for good reasons) or acting like suddenly triggers don't exist for people, does say something about you. One of my favourite characters is literally the worst person ever, an actual bigot, but i won't ever write essays about why people are not allowed to dislike him actually because he's my babygirl.. i very much understand why people would.

All of this to say, everyone will have different opinions about Tommy. Some might love him, some will be completely neutral or at worst slightly uncomfortable/bothered by him, and some will straight up hate him, and all of these are fine. Live and let live, love whoever you want to love, and hate whoever you want to hate, but please stop trying to dictate how others should feel, i'm begging. And this really does go both ways.

[v-67]

6:35 7th January, 2024

Completed watching Fruits basket

And I'm all🥹❤️❤️❤️

I'm also all😭😭😭😭

Yesterday when I saw the episode and I stopped at there to go to sleep

I woke up feeling like I never should've watched this anime, because of the way it made me feel, it made me feel so much and I worried about Kyo being in any way related to Kyoko's death

I didn't want that, and so I worried, and I woke up feeling too much, I thought, yes maybe I should've never watched this, it makes me feel too much

But I did, I continued watching it

And I'm glad I did

And in a way, isn't this show exactly about it?

Don't stop halfway, don't give up, whatever the outcome is, we are ourselves, and we have to accept it

A bad situation is a bad situation, but we can accept it, we can look for the good within it, we can hug our fears, we can choose to do something about everything and do it

Locking away our feelings is the same as locking away a part of you, you might feel trapped, because you trapped a part of yourself away from you

So shouldn't we welcome all of ourselves, and embrace the parts which we want to lock away, because everything needs love, and all of you. Each and every inch of you is deserving of this love.

I love myself, and I accept myself. And I hope that everyone and everything finds themselves and the happiness that awaits them.

I'll make a note of all the words from the show that I hold dear to me, and post them.

I want to remember how this show made me feel

The feelings I feel may fade into the background

But I'll always remember feeling so strongly

I'm happy for everyone

For all of my fictional characters, for the real ones too

And everyday, I'll strive to be a better person, to others and to myself.

Thankyou❤️

....

One more thing

I always decline when someone talks shit about themselves, but I've realised that me doing that isn't a good thing, it's my way of keeping a positive approach, but sometimes people want to hear about things as they are, and maybe I should do that and listen and understand and still be able to say, "It's okay if it's this way, but it's in your hands to do something about it, I'll be here to help, but you're the one who has to take a step further"

I've also realised from this anime, that I'm always scared or embarrassed to say the word lonely, it feels wrong, I feel ashamed even, it feels pathetic. But it's a feeling and it's okay to feel this way. At times like this, I've to reach out and everything will start feeling okay

I will hold on to these words, the poetic beauty, this anime, this feeling it made me feel, for as much time as I can🫶

....

When I found out Tohru was hurting as well, when she spoke about how she's not pure too

When she was lonely, when she went through things too, how she shut away parts from herself

I felt, something. Frustration maybe? More of sadness, a feeling of misery, a feeling of why. Why did she feel all of this, why. But not in a way of feeling sad for Tohru, but a way of madness, of feeling like, You can't feel this way.

And I wondered about myself. a lot at that moment.

Tohru to me looked like a happy person, a person who cares about everyone, is a friend, a mother, a family member. And resonating back on what I felt, I feel like I looked at Tohru as a character in that way. And when she broke, it felt like something that should've never happened. Because that is how I see the elder people in my family, the ones I love. So much. I can never imagine how I'd feel if I ever saw them crying, hurt, heartbroken. I don't ever want to see them feel this way. But if ever, such a thing happens, I want to be there, to repair such feelings.

I once saw my uncle almost cry, and I don't ever want to see him like that again. It stays within my mind and my heart clenches, because to me he is a strong mountain.

When she spoke about her feelings, and when she told Akito if she's pure then so Is Akito, I understood a little better of the way I felt

of the things she felt

Of how all of us are human

And how all of us feel lonely

How all of us need love

And how all of us, are all of us

....

I wasn't planning on writing this much

But, I'm glad I did

Thank you, for creating such a beautiful anime, such wonderful characters.

I'll always be grateful.

One of my most favourite lines from this anime amongst many is 'She reacts to my emotions with hers.'

I react to your emotions with mine, you may feel different, we may not agree, but you still react to my emotions with yours, ...

I'm writing this from memory, it may be worded differently

But Thankyou, for letting me react with my emotions, for making me feel them

I'm grateful.

.....

Tohru Honda

Kyo Sohma

Yuki Sohma

Momiji Sohma

Arisa Uotani

Saki Hanajima

Kyoko san

Kazuma Sohma (shisho)

Hatsuharu Sohma

Rin Sohma

Kisa Sohma

Hiro Sohma

Ritsu Sohma

Kagura sohma

Ayame sohma

Hatori sohma

Kureno sohma

Shigure Sohma

Akito Sohma

Natsuki Takaya

Fruits basket🌻🫶

[avakitsune]

Okay so. Time for more emotions because everything is running really high. I'm stressed as fuck but it's literally because I only have five more days until I'm in a hotel room for an entire weekend, face-to-face with someone who has become...irreplaceably important to me at this moment? And I'm going to be gushing and going into extraneous detail here, so like. Don't mind me.

BUT. He is flying across the country to meet me. Which, yes...this whole thing is impulsive and I should probably feel scared. I'm not scared. This feels right, even though it absolutely should not. And I think that's where all the guilt keeps coming from? By all senses of propriety and reason, I should be ashamed of myself for moving on so fast from someone who was so deeply enmeshed in my life.

But let's be real here. The moment I was no longer enmeshed with my husband, we ain't got shit to talk about anymore. That's far from the case here. The guy I'm meeting could talk to me about absolutely nothing and I'd hang on every single word. I love his voice, and I love the things he says. I love listening to the way he thinks and sees the world, and I only really feel more and more comfortable.

So...5 days from now. We'll be on the ride up the elevator, after a long car ride together all alone, but the moment we get into the hotel room, that'll be the first moment that he and I are completely alone. The first moment that propriety is no longer in the room. No one watching. No witnesses.

In a perfect world...he'll likely say, "After you." And I'll step into the room first, and once he's through the door behind me, I'll realize I'm at his mercy. Can't get around him to get back to the door. Panic will set in. I know myself well enough to know that I won't be able to stop the nervous reaction. Maybe he'll get a chuckle out of that, tease me by sliding one hand under my shirt, his hand on my stomach in warning as I find myself pressed to the wall.

He won't have to say it. I'll know that I'm not going anywhere. And I'll try to regain control of the situation with charm; giggling, squealing and bargaining...making self deprecating jokes that only end up getting me bitten and licked to make me make more humiliating sounds. His knee might slide up between my thighs and lift me up slightly as he holds me against the wall, since I barely weigh anything at all. And it stings, my all my body weight baring down on my cunt, making my body tilt forward into him, making it easier to grab my face and tease me for how stupidly easy I really am to control.

And then... like nothing happened, the moment I'm clearly worked up, just gently letting me down and walking to the bed. Patting the side next to him or his lap, beckoning me closer. Telling me that this time, I'm supposed to come to him. The door is behind me now. I can leave, though I have to get away on my own means, but I know he wants to see me obey. Be a good girl and come to him. Show him that he can scare me like that, and I'll still want him to like me.

And I will. I'll go right to him, kneel...maybe straddle him and kiss him. Because let's be realistic here: I'm starving for him already, and I know that sitting in the car with him for an hour and half or more is just going to have me going crazy and committing his scent to memory the way I've already done with his voice.

And...God, hearing his voice in person is everything. I don't know how im going to be able to handle hearing him speak in person...up close and right in my ear. It's already hypnotic. The things I'm willing to do just to hear it again...and again...and again. What I'm willing to admit, to bare, to cast aside.

But most of all... I want us to connect. I want to know he's just as excited as me. And that it matters as much to me that it's him as it matters that it's me to him. I'm just excited to know that I'm going to be in close proximity with someone who wants to play with me. And not side by side. It's the same game, 1v1. Someone I know is going to be intense and powerful against me, and to know that the only offense I have is compliance.

But then...at the same time, I know he's someone who I could literally stay up with all night talking about deep questions, existential shit, movies that we each know too much about, cats, music, strange people or places, video game lore. So I may be looking forward to the pillowtalk at least as much, for the record. He's just...probably the most mature minded person I've ever met. And so I want his opinion on everything.

[daincrediblegg]

okay your turn if nobody else has asked: TOP FIVE JH CHARACTERS GO

... girl... how does one choose? how does one??? when there are so many beautiful boys??? ok. OK I'll give it a shot.

5. Captain Crow - The Sea Beast This film is just incredible on every front. One of my favorite concept artists worked on it (which I did not know until a few weeks ago but now that I know I feel like kicking myself because I REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEIR STYLE WELL ENOUGH BY NOW). But I remember watching this, and screaming when the credits began to roll because WAIT?!?!?! THAT WAS JARED HARRIS??? OH!!! WHAT A DELIGHT!!! I LOVE THAT GUY!!!! (oh babygirl wait a few months it's gonna hit you so bad). He's great. I hope we see more of him in the sequel that would be great for me.

4. Hari Seldon Honestly. What a little shit. "But Egg," you might ask "If he's such a little shit why is he on here?" well. He's hot. Really I am not over how hot this dude is. I know I couldn't fix him not in a million years. But idk. Something about him always makes my brain go brrr. So he's on here. Also I just love how fucking atypically written this show is and I have a wee soft spot for asimov. They didn't have to cast Jared as Hari and make him unbelievably hot. But they did. And he's so enigmatic. I love that.

3. John Lennon Egg's love for Jared Harris Origins. I was a Beatles girlie, ok? I'm not ashamed to admit that. It was my introductory fandom experience at the ripe old age of baby, and I really ate it up. I remember going into this movie being like "oh it's some dumb TV movie about John and Paul how good can it be?" Very good, as it turns out. And having assigned myself a John Lennon girlie I literally could never get over this depiction. The mannerisms, the fucking tripped-out way he philosophizes in conversation, the softness, and ofc the old friends tension. Jared got it all. Of course I'd seen him in stuff here and there, but this was the one that cemented him as a beloved actor in my mind for me (I literally re-wound the kiss scene as well like 20 times don't judge me but that awakened some stuff in me). Been following him ever since.

2. Lane Pryce - Mad Men This dude broke me for real. I didn't get into Mad Men until college, and binged it all on my friend's hulu account. And lemme tell ya. Did NOT see his final episode coming. Did not. And it made me genuinely weep. He was a highlight in the show. He was one of the only guys I could actually say is a good dude in that show, and he deserved so much better than he got in the end. I look at him and I'm just like... leave ur wife. Leave your job. Lets just go out of this capitalistic hellscape. I want to make him Well. I will love him forever for how he just completely destroyed me.

1.Francis Crozier / Valery Legasov - HA! you thought I was not going to tie them? WRONG! I can't keep these bad bitches apart.

Francis really needs no explanation at this point. I am so actually genuinely in love with him I'm writing a whole ass gothic romance novel of a fic for him, as you all know (and which has summarily turned out a BANGER of a modern AU as well). I made a bloody self-insert oc for him. Gothic Cinema is literally my favorite genre and Francis is the most Gothic Hero of all time, honestly (well besides Valery obviously). The serotonin he continually gives me makes my meds redundant. He is my sweet husband who I love with my whole life and that's that.

And Valery? sorry you can't put a babygirl of a man like that in front of me and not expect that I would want to jump his bones like? Not only is the constant existential dread relatable, but as much as people tell him he's not brave, he IS without a doubt, and honestly, just by virtue of uttering the most iconic logline ever fucking created he deserves this spot on this list. Both of these dudes make my soul ascend in a certain way not just with how brilliantly they were written, but with how incredibly Jared executed them (for which I want to kill the academy for not giving him awards on either). Top Beloveds forever and ever and ever amen.

[cephalotyrant]

Hii *invades ur inbox with an army of one aka me*

Do you think Azul and Riddle would have any conflicts due to suffering love languages? Actually, do you think they even have different love languages?

Idk there's just something about it to me raghhh

Azul is usually the more affectionate one. He's the one initiating kisses and displaying verbal affection bc Riddle didn't even receive affection from his mother on top of his lack of friends T_T

And Riddle probably would want to try and show affection through helping someone with their studied but he rarely if ever gets the opportunity to do that with Azul, can't take Azul out on dates bc Azul makes more than him (Riddle's wealthier by family name but I refuse to believe his mom doesn't financially abuse him just look at her)

And they're both so busy so that pretty much eliminates quality timee T_T

At the same time though, let's face it, Riddle is way more kind at heart than Azul, and Azul is veryyy insecure and is shown to also be quite irritable and short-tempered behind the gentlemanly facade

And in book 6 he's also so petty and is ultimately just completely fucking incapable of just communicating his feelings (SHOCKER: NIGHT RAVEN STUDENT IS EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED 😱😱😱) until he blows up at Riddle who had no clue how his actions were affecting Azul so I feel lile Azul would absolutely be that one mf where you ask thwm : "what's wrong?" And they're like "no... I'm fine..." (They were not in fact fine)

But anyways I feel like I'm talking about the angst too much for someone who loves fluffy shit more than anything T_T

Imagine Azul struggling with something for once and Riddle helping him (read: forcing him to accept a spare workbook Riddle had) and Azul is just constantly trying to repay him and Riddle's like "bitch you're my boyfriend????"

Thus concludes my invasion, I will sadly have to retreat for now 😞 will gladly invade again if I witness an opportunity so watch your back (inbox) :3

I don't remember receiving this... OK OK but. I love angst goodddd I love angst so so so much it fuels me. I constantly think about Riddle failing to escape his mother's expectations and becoming a shell of himself at some dead-end hospital jo--💥

I actually did cover this in like. One paragraph in PaP. I think Azul would have insecure bouts where he asks "What do you want from this relationship?" but of course. Riddle has no expectations on accout of having very little experience with healthy relationships... he doesn't know how to respond. So he says "I want you." but it's not the soft "ahahah you're perfect as you areee I love you <3" it's "I constantly want you under my vigilance where I can see you and bask in your presence at the very least." romantic if you're a blind man bordering concerning GET TO THERAPY, YOUNG MAN.

Azul is definitely clingy, but Riddle would discover he is, too. It's weird, but he likes it... Azul is warm, maybe I should hug him more? But also, something I sometimes want to write is the days where so much as saying a word or so much as brushing shoulder feels like sandpaper against their flesh, the very idea repulsive and their only desire is to-- who knows? curl up on the floor? Which leads to the other internally panicking and yearning and just not getting it. Azul might just pettily give Riddle the could shoulder after seeing him recoil from his touch because why? aren't they boyfriends? is he suddenly ashamed of being with Azul? Is that it?

Woops. Okay back to love languages! Azul... god. Physical touch, primarily. Maybe gift giving and acts of service (at a discount) On Riddle's behalf, definitely quality time. Physical touch depending on the day. Riddle's room is debabtbly the best room out of all the housewarden's because it has a freaking COUCH. Azul abuses the perks of the bed with curtains and the couch. Bam. Quality time (working on separate things/studying without even saying a word to each other... that's just parallel play bruh.)

Words of affirmation is tricky... because yes, Azul is used to using flattery, but it's normally empty and to gain favor. So its effect, even if well intentioned...

I never thought about the financial aspect... Azul definitely has spending money, while Riddle wouldn't probably have to draft a wholeass essay with bullet points on why he's pulling money from his account. Would he even tell his mother he's dating a boy from school for months? Or bite his tongue and buy his time to tell her in person instead of in the impersonal form of a letter, even though it makes him feel guilty, so wrong. But he fears the consequences-- he doesn't want to be separated from the people he cares about again, after all.

I still think they'd have a moment to themselves one day while they're studying and Azul suddenly goes. "They used to say I was a whiny brat after I tried to tell a teacher what they did to me." like HUH.? Sudden Azul lore???

[oatmealaddiction]

I'm really glad tumblr has changed and it's not a place where people just shit on kids constantly for being children. That said I'm noticing this sentiment going around that worries me.

The sentiment is basically "Taking care of kids is easy when you just do XYZ. Parents who yell are assholes." And it sort of equates being good with children with being a good person, which to me is a dangerous idea.

Like you wouldn't walk onto a construction site and assume because you're nice and even tempered you therefore have all the tools to build a skyscraper. If you did that you'd feel like a horrible person when you inevitably fuck up, and you'd feel worse if the people trying to help you get better were calling you a bad or dangerous person.

Mr. Rogers was not good with children because he was a good and kind person. Yes he was a very nice guy, but he was also a serious professional who spent years studying child psychology, working with kids one on one in research groups, screwing up and perfecting his methods for decades on top of decades. But people don't see that, and instead the narrative surrounding him is that he was "good" and therefore it must've been easy for him, a natural skill.

Raising kids is really hard. It's a job like any other that requires time, lots of reading, trial and error, and inevitably screwing up. What works for one child is not going to work for another. You will inevitably have days where you do everything wrong, and possibly even days where you lose your shit. When that happens you need to know it's not because you're a bad person who hates children, but because you're acquiring a learned skill that's really hard. Being calm and collected and even headed all the time is a super hard skill to have. Not losing your shit when your kid bites you is really hard. Having good positive and empathetic alternatives to punishment is hard when you've been at it for weeks on end and it's still not working. It takes practice and work, and to be clear that's work you have to do, but it's not easy and if you're not someone who's practiced it before you're going to mess up.

And I think this equating of "good person" with "good parent" sets a lot of people up for failure. On the one hand, you'll have new parents and teachers who have done no reading and no preparation stepping into childcare roles and assuming because they like kids and they're nice that the job will be easy. On the other hand you've got caretakers who cave under stress and yell, or issue a harsh time out, or have a breakdown and then spiral into shame and self hatred for being a "bad person," OR WORSE completely reject any kind of advice or help because they're terrified of admitting to any flaws in their parenting/caretaking because that then reflects on their personhood. In the very worst case scenario, sentiment like this is what breaks up marginalized and impoverished families when they don't have the resources to provide for their children, or when stress takes a toll on a parents mental and emotional well-being. If they were good people who loved their kids, why didn't they take care of them, right?

So like, when we make these posts about how to take care of kids, my best advice is that we have to look at parenting and caretaking as learned skills. You practice them, you grow, you learn, and you will also fail, and it's okay so long as you keep trying to do better everyday. Seek out lots of advice, read books on the subject, take classes, and keep trying and if you feel like you're doing bad, don't be ashamed to seek out help. And for people who are trying to be better, empathy from others is always so helpful, and the community at large should be practicing that. That's what will make more positive environments for children.

[tigerplushh]

Hello, it's me again (if you can remember who I am) But I've had a bit of a weird day and I've been debating with myself wether or not to to and talk about it.

I've decided I am, but not very much. Since I'm still kind of scared that you're not in the mood to listen to me rant.

Warning here, the next few pieces of text will contain:

TW: sa mentions

If you are uncomfortable or triggered by this, please scroll away and do not read!

-----

I feel sick. I saw him today. And it was horrible. Just looking him in the eye was horrible.

I was picking my sibling up from school, and I saw him.

I was petting a cat and when I stood up, he was staring at me. In the eye, trying to work out who I am.

I had changed since it happened, different haircut, had a little bit of makeup on, taller, ect ect. So the possibility of him not remembering who I am is high.

But the face he had on while trying to find out who I was, the 2 second eye contact it scared me. Like, really scared me.

I panicked and ran down to my siblings school as fast as I could.

Scared he'd try something

I started remembering all the shit he did to me, and it kind of messed me up for the rest of the day.

I said goodnight to my best friend, but I still can't sleep

Sometimes I feel as though I'm not as valid as other people because he was younger than me.

I wish it never happened

:(

--------

By the way, if you're confused on who I am, I'm the same anon that asked if they could talk to you here :)

first off, it’s perfectly okay to vent to me whenever. Never feel scared to, ever. This is a perfectly safe space and I’ll never judge you, no matter what you say.

Secondly, I’m so sorry you had to go through that at first, and then see that person again. Its a horrible feeling and nobody deserves that, you didn’t deserve that at all. It’s a completely understandable reaction to be scared, especially to someone who’s done those kind of things to you. I get it, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being scared. I’m proud of you for managing to get through it and even just coming here to talk to me about it, that takes a lot of bravery to do, and it especially takes a lot of courage to open up about sa. I get the fear, I get how hard it is to deal with.

If it makes you feel better to think of it rationally, you should remember that it’s a school place. Staff, teachers, etc, should be around and would be able to see if anything was going to happen to you. Although I understand if that doesn’t help, because a lot of the time, fear stops you think rationally. Especially when it’s fear that you’re in danger- All that you have to remember now, though, is that person can’t hurt you anymore and you’re safe.

Everything you’re feeling and going through mentally and emotionally because of what the person did to you is valid. It doesn’t matter if they were younger, older, if any of your experience didn’t feel “valid enough”, your experience is valid and you deserve to be heard and comfortable. Everyone’s experience with sa is different, and that’s okay.

Again, I’m sorry that happened to you at all in the first place, and I wish I could help you more. I want you to remember that you’re loved and that people will be here for you and will listen to you when you need it. I’m always gonna be here if you need to rant or need comfort and that’ll never change.

Take care of yourself and try and get some sleep, ok? Do whatever makes you feel best, I’ll be here if you need me. Love u <33 /p (only saying that cause Ik ur secret identity, but that’s ok 💕)

[thedevilsrain]

Ya as a Jew the Nazi shit in From Eroica with Love is very uncomfortable, with what I’ve read so far it’s not….the worst, but i would much prefer it if Aoike didn’t include that nazi shit at all (and I’m pretty sure canonically Klaus’s father was a Nazi officer sooooo -_-)

In my opinion if goyim are gonna include nazis (or Nazi analogues) in their story then they must be able to write a full page essay on why their bad and include that in the story, even if it’s just a throwaway line. Idk man I’d like to enjoy my gay led zep art thief manga without being reminded that their r ppl out their who want me dead :/

Ya sry if that got too tense ;^;

-🪺

oh i absolutely feel the same way 💀💀

like why even make klaus come from a military background in the first place, thats already making it 10 times more uncomfortable considering the series takes place in the 80s, and his father would have been an adult in the 1940s. like just make his dad be a conservative or something

the whole thing with his father is. to me. a plot hole the size of the sun, and i'm putting my whole analysis under the cut, because it's quite long, and its hard to talk about

so pretty early in the series, in ''dramatic spring'' specifically, theres this uncomfortable moment where eberbach is called a nazi, and he corrects (and threatens) the american who does it, adding that his dad was in the national defense army

so yknow. okay, fine, that's settled, thank god. you can judge me for this, but i'm not going to bother to looking that army up - as a writer, i think, you should be able to tell your audience "hey my character and his family arent fucking nazis"

and then after this, theres more than one instance where eberbach punches nazis - to show that, deep down, he surpasses the bare minimum to be a normal person

(from "glass target")

BUT then. comes the kicker. and i was reading this chapter yesterday so i might still be processing it from how wild it was

edit: forgot to mention lol, this chapter is "seven days in september", part 3

mischa the bear cub, who hates the major's guts (understandable), and has literally called him a nazi TO HIS FACE (no comment), decides that their final showdown will be in el alamein - one of the first battles in the war where the germans lost

he even makes a comment that, eberbach's dad being a tank commander himself, would be ashamed of this battle ever being brought up

and then you think ha! well mischa surely youre about to get your ass handed to you (personally i like him), because the major's dad was in the national defense army, and not, in fact, a nazi

but then the author COMPLETELY backtracks herself (and i'll dig into this deeper). and when eberbach, nazi puncher extraordinaire, sees that mischa lured him into el aIamein, not only is he ashamed, but he talks about it like it and its commander like its a tale of lost glory, instead of being a tale of, yknow, a nazi commander losing the war

(the gag with james is funny though)

he literally says it hurt his pride! he doesnt even bring up anything about being compared to nazis!

and then as if this chapter didnt give 15 consecutive blows to my stomach (and klaus' likeability), mischa was actually right - not only was eberbach's dad ashamed by the (nazi) loss in eI aIamein, klaus has constantly heard about this story since he was a child. eberbach's father, national defense army, was embarrassed and ashamed by the nazi loss in eI aIamein. eberbach, nazi puncher, got his pride hurt because he was reminded of how the nazis lost one of their first battles. end of chapter.

but, heres an honest conclusion, from yours truly. i might be mean

while i think this chapter is... mostly, fine (i really dislike when eberbach becomes much more important than dorian in arcs, because dorian really is a lifesaver), this chapter, "seven days in september" part 3, is absolutely the worst of the series

at best, it is utterly embarrasing to do research this flimsy, and not know what 'the germans' were really doing in the north of africa in ww2, and at worst, its almost ahistorical or apolitical. notice that in most of these screencraps, and i doubt this was just a thing the translators did, its always "the germans" "the german tanks" and "the story of The General". there is literally no mention of the word 'nazi' in this chapter, even when, at least now in 2023, most of us know what ''the allies'' were doing to fight ''the germans'' in the north of africa

but, to ge back to the characters, i cant stress enough how just appaled i am at how apolitical this is, how its simply a matter of 'eberbach is embarrassed cause germans lost a battle here', and not, well, what the text says

the worst part is that like, it REALLY did not have to be like this. this could have easily been another cringe (but understandable, given how openly conservative eberbach is) scene of mischa comparing him to the lowest of the low, and then eberbach saying "ha! i'm not. fuck you"

but, for some reason i literally could not understand, aoike went with this. she went with this, and i'm 100% putting the blame all on her, because i cant tell you how easy it is to NOT make your main action hero be a nazi. because she knows how easy it is - she's done it more than once

honestly, for my own sanity, and for the sake of this character and even the series as a whole, i'm going to be completely erasing this horrible chapter from my mind and pretend it doesnt exist - i Of Course dont expect this of everyone, but to me this chapter is so out of nowhere, filled with such a big a plot hole, that i think it's easier to pretend it doesn't exist, rather than try and justify it. and i would never try to justify something like this

thats it from gio with love byeeeeeeee

[esmedelacroix]

DUDE! So many people need to read and understand this before even thinking about writing Miguel as a character. I usually write my personal adaptation of Miguel in modern AU, but I notice that when most people write him, they tend to write him as some horny, stereotypical Latino, short-tempered guy. When that is not who he is at all.

Anger and Short-Temper:

When I read short-tempered Miguel O'Hara fics I feel like exploding. No part of my body thinks that Miguel would ever shout in a relaxed work environment the way certain people write it out to be.

I can't ever imagine Miguel yelling the way some people make him yell. For example: You mess up the copies of notes from the board meeting. Sweat dribbles down your forehead as you inform Miguel of your mistake. "YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH" Miguel shouts as he shoves papers off his desk. Okay so that was a little exaggerated but you get my point yeah?

I feel like people tend to write Miguel as this big bad eviil, angry man because that is the only part of him that they saw in the movie. Miguel was not so much angry with Miles as much as he was frustrated with the circumstances. Miguel sees himself in Miles and he sees history repeating itself. He knows the excruciating sorrow anyone would feel after destroying an entire universe of people for one single loved one. As said in the movie to wear the mask is to sacrifice and that is something Miles does not completely understand yet.

Not to mention when Miguel is tweakin' when he tries to get Miles out of the go-home machine it had been quite some time since he had taken his last dose of rapture. He was also experiencing many emotions all at once. If you would take a closer look at his character, you would find that he's actually a pretty funny guy. His humour takes a more sarcastic approach but I feel like that's what makes it so laughable.

Miguel as a Romantic Partner:

Ya'll, this is where I explode and breathe fire all over anyone who writes Miguel as the stereotypical Latino lover boy who has no personality outside of sex. Some of y'all write Miguel like he's the female lead of a Colleen Hoover book. Trust me, that's not a good thing at all. What I'm saying is that the only thing some people see him as is an object of sex.

I'm not shaming anyone at all. I'm a whore too but cmon now. When the most interacted with fanfiction tags surrounding Miguel is smut, and there is no balance to that, it weirds me out.

There is nothing wrong with smut that's not the problem. The problem is that people diminish him and his personality to just sex when he is so much more than that.

[TW: grape, assault, grooming: Off-topic and unimportant, y'all NEED to write warnings for the noncon pervy!miguel fics that y'all write. That shit is so traumatizing to read and you never know if a victim of these scenarios you are writing is reading it. I really don't want to shame anyone but disguising up grape as dubcon is actually so bad like please stop. Especially the OBGYN or physical exam ones like oh that's not. I was personally groomed by my physician when I was young. It's not fun to see that people fantasize about this, it's a mental illness to desire things like that. You should not be ashamed but you should seek help, I used to have the same issue as a result of my trauma but you can recover, I did.]

Many people tend to write Miguel as their own manifestation of a Hispanic lover. People write great characters but it's not Miguel...

Not every story needs to lead to sex with Miguel he is such a complex character. I wish people would play around with his character and explore the possibilities of the mental hardship that results from his past traumas.

Most of the writers on here write so well. I look up to them. They use the best syntax and rhetoric, I'm not even sure if they know that they are using them at all. I would love it if they would use their amazing talents to write an accurate or less fetishized version of Miguel. I don't write well myself and I'm always learning but I wish we would better analyze characters.

Also, y'all took the fact that he likes empanadas and RAN WITH It. My god, it's not the only food on the planet please get creative. I have no place criticizing writing, mine isn't even that good, but god damn. I see this with so many other fandoms, they hear one thing and they just run with it. Give the empanadas a rest.

Like please give Miguel a personality outside of being Latino and Hispanic.

Shoutout to some writers whose work I love <3: @sillysillygoofygoose@eyelessfaces@vintagexherry@fangsp1der-2099@ghost-with-a-teacup@oharaslover

^ i missed a bunch but there's def more

We talk about how mischaracterized Hobie is - which he is - but I honestly think someone else is characterized REALLY weirdly by fandom

Miguel O'Hara and Misrepresentation of His Rage: a.k.a Miguel has Ken Energy you fools

[this is a breakdown where I examine Miguel's trauma, his relationship with Miles, his role in The Society, and his personality]

I talk a lot of shit about the Hobie tag, but the over-saturation of smut in the Miguel tag is at critical mass.

And like Latino-fetishization aside, I feel like he's not written as a human.

He's written so flat.

I swear ya'll be writing him as the angriest, coldest, most anti-social man on earth. Ya'll be having him rude and avoidant with no friends whatsoever or a romantic soft latin lover and NO IN BETWEEN

which is so funny cause like... I feel like Miguel is Just A Guy

I know they're easy to overlook but I think about moments like these all the time

But I ALWAYS see him written him as friendless, and cold, or constantly irritated and angry but like - I feel like most of the time Miguel is just some dude. Like in a Good Way.

And he's fine with that.

Miguel runs a Society Full of Spider-people, and they're working for him voluntarily. Peter Parkers wouldn't work for someone they didn't think was genuinely, good-likeable, and level-headed.

He compliments Lego-Spider-Man. When Hobie was there he wasn't pissed he was just like 'not in the mood rn ngl'

and Hobie didn't take the piss outta him - because I feel like him and Hobie have a mutal understanding/relaxed relationship. All throughout the movie Hobie isn't talking bad about Miguel in specific - he never says anything about Miguel being annoying or evil - he's always taking about The Society Miguel has made.

Even Hobie - who will openly talk bad about the PM, doesn't really feel the need to diss Miguel's character in specific. Which I find very interesting.

I think this, along with a couple other things shows that the way we view Miguel in fandom is not really how he is, like..when he's not going buckwild insane.

Miguel and His Role as Canon

I could see Miguel taking his role as boss very seriously - the same way he took being a father.

Miguel has assumed the role of 'leader' over these Spider-people. In his eyes, it's his job to lead these people through their canon events to the other side, for the safety of the universe, and for them to become the people fate says they're supposed to be.

Because he made the mistake of 'going against fate'. A lot of the time we say that Miguel's justification is 'because I suffered, you must too'. But in his eyes, it's more like 'I tried to run from who I was supposed to be and it blew up in my face. Please don't make the same mistake - it's not worth it.'

Quiet literally 'Do what you're supposed to do, and things won't fall apart around you.'

And I think that really says a lot about how he feels about his own choices, and his own daughter.

Miguel broke canon to be with his daughter, and because of that, she - and billions of others, died. And Miguel feels directly responsible for that. In his eyes, he killed his daughter and murdered billions of people.

And although he loves his daughter - he sees it as not worth it. He sees taking her father's place as a mistake.

To Miguel, canon events and the pain they cause are much more 'worth it' and 'tolerable', than the pain and guilt of killing an entire universe.

Because with canon events, there is no fault. It's not your fault you couldn't catch Gwen Stacy. It's not that you're not fast enough, it's that it's suppose to happen. It's not your fault.

But in Miguel's case - it was his fault. It wasn't suppose to happen.

That's why Miles sets him off in a way others don't and can't. Because he wasn't supposed to happen.

When things are under control, Miguel is fine. When things aren't, Miguel isn't.

Miguel needs order. He needs canon. Not because he likes it, but because he feels beaten into submission by it. He feels safe in the idea that canon events happen even if you do everything right, because he still feels the guilt of having done something 'wrong'.

That's why he sees letting people die in canon events as 'the right thing'.

It's the trolley problem.

A trolley is hurtling at someone you love, on the other track there are 5 people. Do you let the one you love die, or do you hit the switch and save them - and take the blame for killing five people?

What's the right thing to do? Save your captain father and letting a universe die? Or letting your father die, but the universe will for sure live.

Miguel has already made his choice, even if he didn't know it at the time. By becoming a father, Miguel hit the switch. And he chose his daughter at the expense of a universe. And he regrets that decision. He feels guilt, like he's to blame.

When canon events happen, there's no one to blame. When anomalies happen, there is.

Miles and Miguel

Miles and Miguel have an interesting and unique dynamic with each other, one that I haven't seen anyone mention yet.

When I look at Miles and Miguel, especially in this scene:

I kinda see Miguel and a past version of himself. Miguel trying to stop what he sees - as someone about to make the same mistake he did.

When Miguel met his daughter, he didn't know about it's threat to the multiverse. And although it might be described as the best time in Miguel's life, he regrets it. If he would go back, he would have rather let his daughter live. Fatherless, but at least she would have lived.

Miguel didn't know. But Miles does. And that's what makes Miguel so furious.

Miles is going to go against canon, be with his dad, and threaten the multiverse. And Miguel believes that if Miles does this, billions of people and beings across a universe will die. 100% totality rate, 100% assured.

Miles is in the same position as Miguel once was. Miles has the same choice. To choose the one he loves over canon.

The only difference is Miles knows. He has a chance.

Miguel believes that Miles can spare himself the pain, and the guilt of murdering billions - if he just listened to him.

Miguel is the only Spider-person who has ever killed a Spider-verse. And he doesn't want that for Miles.

Miles being an anomaly was one thing. He was ready to calmly talk about that. But when Miguel sees him going down the same road as he once did, making the same choice even though Miguel is telling him not to - it makes it snap.

Because if Miguel could go back, knowing what he knows - if Miguel could only be in Miles' place - he wouldn't. Like Rio said - Miguel would kill to be in his place.

He sees Miguel like how Rio describes herself, oddly enough. Rio says she'd kill to be in Miles place, and she doesn't understand his 'irresponsible' behavior. But unbeknownst to her - his 'irresponsible' behavior is more heroic than she can understand.

Miguel is just the same. He sees Miles' choice as irresponsible, that he's making all the wrong choices even though people are throwing opportunity at him.

Miles is the only other Spider-person to risk what Miguel risked. And, genuinely believing everyone will die because of this - he's furious at Miles, the same way he's still furious at himself. He loved his daughter, and he knows Miles loves it dad. But having been on the other side of it all, he sees it as not worth it.

Miguel wants to be the only Spider-man who is the way he is. He doesn't want to Miles to do what he did, become what he is. Because he knows theres no coming back from that.

If Miguel could go back and shake himself and scream in his face to leave Gabriella alone, to just leave her dimension alone, he would. But he can't.

So he does it to Miles.

Miguel as a Boss

I don't think Miguel is an outright mean or abrasive person. I feel like outside of Miles, he's fairly calm, albeit a bit stressed. I could see him being really organized and good at time management -

And I can see Miguel being good with people. I don't think he's the kinda boss that'd be like 'Oh, you had a canon event last night? Your girlfriend fell off a building? Yeah, we get that a lot, get over it.'

And if anything - I think he'd want to help the Spider-people when it comes to processing canon events.

Miguel believes that canon events are necessary, not just to the multiverse, but to the development of who Spider-people are 'supposed' to be. So I think he'd set up support systems around HQ to help them process it, and he'd at least be a bit understanding.

I could absolutely see Miguel as the type to ask a teammate "Are you alright?" after something intense, or telling them to sit out. I could see him giving generous leave for Spiders who are going through stuff.

By Jess's response, it seems as if he leaves most of that to her, but I feel like the fact he stops to tell Gwen "Don't worry, kid." shows that he's use to comforting people, or prioritizes putting people at ease.

I mean, what Spider-man doesn't?

Miguel does seem to get along with people (aside from Miles and Gwen when he's scolding her), and it seems like people do like Miguel.

Miguel's Personality

Tbh - I don't think he's nearly as angry as fandom makes him out to be.

He was raising a child. I imagine that for the most part, he's pretty patient.

Like if you call him a name, he's not gonna get pissed. I feel like he's more likely to be like "Haha. Very funny." Or just pinch his nose bridge and be like "You done?"

I mean I know with all the gnashing and clawing and yelling and going apeshit, it can be easy to imagine Miguel as JUST that.

But I also like to imagine that most of the time, he's just like that normal boss as Target.

And a lot of his day is spent doing boring mundane things.

He's not always standing there brooding over videos of him and his dead daughter. He only does that when he's psyching himself up to yell at Miles.

Outside of that, he probably has a lot more things to do, realistically speaking. Organizing missions, checking status reports, looking over intake forms of anomalies, okaying and vetoing different protocols. Approving new technology, taking complaints from members, dealing with Hobie (an extra job in its own right), fixing things MayDay breaks, etc, etc.

And he's completely fine with that. Maybe he even finds calmness in it. When there's order, and routine, and everyone is working together and there's no kinks in the hose per say, he can operate.

Like yeah he's a little irritated and looks like he only slept 4 hours - but he's here and he's going to work with his team and employees, make sure things run smoothly, and make sure everyone gets home safe.

He's gonna try and make the society a nice place to be and make sure people on the team (like Lego) feel appreciated and odd-one-outs like Hobie get to hang and do what they want without much kickback.

The other Spider-people - like Pavi - wouldn't have joined otherwise.

If Pavi had showed up and Miguel was all stern and cold and rude, he probably would've been like 'no thanks my friend'

Miguel knew Peter B. before he lost Gabriella. So he had to become friends with Peter some way. He was putting up with Peter and his humor by choice, and in return Peter must have found Miguel cool enough to hang out with.

I think it's because Miguel is good with people, a lot of different types of people.

He's pretty down to earth, even if he is a work-aholic. He can be fun to chill or hang out with, even if he's a bit of a tight-ass.

Sure his humor may be dry, and his personality tame, but he's just him.

But I can see him as being a guy who you see at the gym routinely and never say hi to but you just nod at each other in silent respect while doing your workouts sometime.

Or the dude at your job you only see at the coffee machine - you know he does other stuff, but you never run into him anywhere else.

Or the dude who'll stop on the street when you ask for the time and lift one earphone before telling you it, then walking away without another word.

DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN DO YOU GET THAT VIBE Like just Dude He's like a dad but not like a 'Dad vibe' with like sneakers or anything but like 'Dad who comes to PTA meeting but doesn't talk to anybody and quietly leaves when it's over'.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS VIBE It's giving Ken.

Anyways stop avoiding Miguel's Kenergy.

[gurugirl]

You know what, out of all your works that features inappropriate relationships (all of which I absolutely love and I'm not ashamed) I only slightly disliked harry from ex boyfriend's dad. Because the lack of guilt from his side just doesn't sit right with me. What they're doing is not wrong even though morally it might not be right. But from a parent point of view it just felt like he has no regards for his son's feelings. His son is a piece of shit and mc not regretting anything or not caring about him anymore is completely understandable. But harry even though I understand that he cares about mc too much that he wanted to keep his son away from her, it just felt kind of weird that he wasn't feeling more guilt. I mean it's his son and his ex girlfriend but he's still his son and that son obviously doesn't understand the situation because he's a prick but he's hurt too by two of the people who he meant the most to him probably. I understand mc not giving a shit but Harry acting so indifferent in the 4th chapter and saying he didn't want to hurt his son, at least not yet ..... it's just hard to imagine harry like that. I feel like before they went straight to the sexual part there should have been more talk between mc and harry where she was the one asking if he was okay and what he was feeling regarding his son and some comforting and all that. Thought I would share this with you. I'm sorry if it came out rude, it wasn't meant like that. Figured if I can tell you what I like about your stories then I should be able to tell you what I didn't like too. And I know there's more of them in your patreon and I promise I'll join when I can afford because God I loved it and I'm not even ashamed to admit that I was wet throughout the story. Sorry tmi but i had to

Fair enough! I guess I grew up with a dad who didn't like his son at all (my brother) and would have no issue purposely hurting him (who has purposely hurt him and doesn't GAF) so in my mind, this version of Harry is still loving toward his son but also knows his son was a manipulative dick and Y/n deserved better and then he wound up falling in love with her...

Of course it's totally wrong and full on a bad idea. But totally see where you're coming from! I appreciate your thoughts on it :)

xoxo

[piecesofreeses]

I'm Sorry, I Can't Help It

This is PART 4 of I’m Sorry, I Can’t Help It.

I highly recommend going back to read part 3!

This is an age regression fanfic! Hate will not be tolerated, so take your bullshit somewhere else.

Awsten is struggling with his mental health and turns to age regression with a coping mechanism.

After failing to keep it a secret, what will happen between him and his band mates?

DISCLAIMER:

Age regression is a completely nonsexual coping skill. It is represented appropriately and correctly as it relates to my life. Regression can be positive in many circumstances, but not all. If you are struggling with your mental health or involuntary age regression, talking to a professional is always the best choice.

Chapter Four: The Sun on His Face

In which Awsten explains the origin of his regression.

Thanks for the support guys, all the comments and kudos really do mean the world! PLEASE read the trigger warnings in this chapter, because we really get into some childhood trauma. If you feel the need to skip this chapter, that’s okay! You’ll lose some character backstory but you’ll still be mostly in the loop for following chapters. 

I was listening to Bags by Clairo when I wrote this and I think you should too, but I can’t say they are totally connected by actual content, just vibes. 

TW: Discussion of childhood (14) sexual assault, discussion of past rape by deception, swearing, past cheating, discussion of PTSD, discussion of being called “stupid” while regressed, mild sex jokes

“So,” Geoff says, “You’re allowed to call me Dada, does that mean I can call you cute names too?” Awsten blushes at the mention of calling his friend Dada when he’s regressed, but recovers quickly.

“Yeah I guess. What are you considering?”

“I have a lot of ideas. Should I just list them?” Geoff laughs.

Awsten responds and Geoff can hear the eye roll in his voice, “I mean yeah, sure, go for it.” 

“Baby, bubba, bubs, sweetheart, little one, honey–”

“You already called me that,” Awsten cuts off the list.

“It was an accident! I was panicking!” Geoff says, exacerbated. 

“Yeah, yeah. That’s enough you can stop. Those are all fine and I’m sure any other shit you come up with will be too.”

“Can I ask how this started happening?”

“My regression?” Awsten tries to clarify.

“Yeah,” Geoff confirms.

“Yeah that’s fine. I mean I’ve gotta share so you can care? God, that was bad. Sorry,” Awsten says with a laugh. “I think I was maybe ten when it happened for the first time? That's kind of silly I know – a ten year old regressing even younger – anyway, I would just get stressed out, like the whole world was just way too big and I was way too small. And that's what would happen. Then I would all of a sudden be way too small. I didn't know what it was but my words wouldn't come out and I would feel like I was shrinking in on myself. When I was younger, it was all involuntary.”

“Not always now?” Geoff cuts in. “Oh shit sorry. I interrupted.”

“No it’s okay. Yeah I can do it on purpose sometimes. If I feel like I need it. I couldn't always do that because I didn't know what was happening before. I used to be so ashamed because I had no idea what was going on with my head. I would just get all fuzzy and feel stupid,” Awsten tries to explain. His eyes go soft and Geoff can see him remembering something.

“My mom is wonderful, but I’m thinking back to being thirteen years old at an amusement park. It was so late and I was so hungry and so tired and I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't get my words to come out right, so I guess I was kind of ‘baby-talking.’ She kept asking me questions that I knew I should know the answers to, but I was stuck so deep inside my head. She told me to “stop pretending to be dumb,” and it’s always stuck with me. It hurt so much because I knew the age appropriate part of me was in there somewhere, but he wasn't in control and there was no one who could tell me why. Even if there was, I don't think I would've asked. I was far, far too scared they would laugh or that I was permanently fucked up in some way. I guess I am, but I wasn’t ready to hear it when I was thirteen.”

Geoff almost wants to cry listening to the story. “Awsten. You’re not fucked up.”

“It's okay, Geoff,” Awsten scoffs. “I find it comforting to call myself fucked somehow, I think. It'd be hard to explain but I’m sure if I said that in an interview there would be people out there who knew what I meant.” Geoff just listens, sitting quiet and hoping the younger will continue. 

“When I was 14, I came across agere content on the internet for the first time. I knew it resonated, but I didn't want to encroach on a community I wasn't sure I was apart of, so I convinced myself I related the same way I would comment “same” on a TikTok of a piece of bread falling over, but soon after that, I met my first boyfriend and he regressed too. He was already well aware of what it was, so when it happened around him the first time, he took care of me and then after basically smacked some sense into me, telling me what was going on. The first time it happened was actually in our math class. I remember crying on the floor in his lap while they were going over systems of equations. That boy was an absolute piece of shit, but he never did fuck with my regression. I don't think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for what he did, but I’ll always be grateful he didn't hurt me while I was small.”

“Awsten…” Geoff fights against the cracks in his voice. “I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t you,” Awsten replies matter-of-factly. 

“Awsten? Can I ask what he did to you?”

It seems as though there may even be a glint of a tear in his eye as Awsten responds. “He was older. He didn’t… he didn’t do anything I didn't want– at least at first, but he lied to me about a lot of it,” He says quietly. “He didn’t listen when I told him he was hurting me during… things. I’m still not sure what to call what he did to me. I just didn’t want to lose my virginity to a hookup, so I made him promise he was going to stick around, but he was cheating on me the whole time.”

Geoff waits because it seems like Awsten has more to say. He does, but he continues just barely above a whisper. “One friend called it ‘rape by deception.’ I just– I feel like that’s too strong of a word for what happened, but anything else just discounts what he did. I have fucking PTSD from it, it must have been something.”

“Honey,” Geoff says. He stops after just the one word though, unsure how to continue. 

“It’s okay, Geoff. It’s been twenty years. I can get over myself. God, I’m sorry about this fucking tangent. you just asked how i started regressing.”

“I knew that might be a charged question, Aws. It's fine. Go ahead,” Geoff tries to reassure.

Awsten wipes any hint that he may have cried away and shakes his head as if trying to clear the thoughts. “After that, I regressed a lot. I couldn't help it. It happened for hours each day as I just tried anything to be okay again. Sometimes, it would happen in class and later I would find little drawings in my notebooks or chemistry notes that appeared to have been taken by a five year old. Since then, it just fluctuates. When times are tough, it happens more and it’s more likely to happen involuntarily. When things are okay, I don't need it as much. If I just want it, sometimes I’ll regress intentionally. That can be nice sometimes,” Awsten seems to finish.

“Oh wait,” he starts. “I wanted you to know you're the only person who's ever known about this other than that boyfriend.”

Oh my God. He must’ve been terrified when I found out originally. I can't believe he's letting me be his carer after what happened. Fuck, I’m never leaving this motherfuckers side. 

“Oh Aws. Thank you for trusting me.”

“You got it, man,” Awsten jokes. “Seriously though, thank you. The way you held me? I think you healed half my childhood trauma just like THAT,” he snaps his fingers and chuckles.

Lost in thoughts, Geoff asks another question. “Have you ever written a song about it?”

“Man, you're full of questions today,” Awsten teases. “I think I've referenced it, but never in a way you couldn't deny. In Peach when I say ‘hating myself for needing someone so bad and feeling dumb dumb dumb dumb?” Yeah, that's sort of about being clingy and desperate when I feel small. I think I talk about it a little in Hawaii? Yeah, yeah it's some line about feeling in slow motion or something. I think if the fans knew, they would think some stuff like Fruit Roll Ups or some shit is about it, but it’s not. I definitely write about it in ways people wouldn't notice or expect.”

“You know I’m going to start watching out for it now, right?” Geoff says.

“Yeah I know because you're a little bitch,” Awsten snaps back.

Pretending to smack Awsten in the back, Geoff laughs out a “Says you!”

Sarcastically, Awsten drags out the bit. “Okay, okay. How do you cope with your shit then, Geoff? If you don’t mentally return to the state of a child, how on earth are you dealing with your feelings?”

“Actually? You,” Geoff replies, slamming the door on any humor lacing their conversation. 

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. 

Processing what his best friend just said, Awsten watches how the sunlight strikes his face through the translucent curtains in their hotel room. He looks soft. He looks like there should be hands cupped around his jaw and a thumb stroking his cheek. His hair looks like someone should be running their fingers through it.

I wonder what runs through his head as he thinks about me, Geoff thinks as Awsten stares. Geoff watches how the sun hits the back of Awsten’s head and makes the rays filter through his colored hair. It makes the unruly bits appear to glow like embers and the fluff in the front casts pale orange onto the white hotel sheets.

It feels like hours they just sit and look at one another, but in reality, it's only seconds before Awsten responds. “I’m glad I help. I want to be there for you, you know.”

“I know,” Geoff says softly as he reaches a hand up to smooth the tufts of Awsten’s hair down, unable to resist. “After the shows on those few nights when you just talk and talk? I love those. I just get to sit back and listen. I love listening to you, Awsten. It gives my brain a break, I guess.” He tries to say it jokingly, but the truth shines through. Geoff knows Awsten can tell he wasn’t fucking around. “I really loved caring for you too. It was nice to feel needed.”

“It’s really not annoying? I understand that you care about me and you might do it anyway, but you genuinely enjoyed it?” Awsten questions almost incredulously. 

Geoff smiles. “Yes, Aws. I really liked it. You’ve got such big stuff going on all the time. It was so nice to see you relaxed and calm. Seeing you melt into my lap when I was holding you? You looked so at peace and I don't know if I’ve seen you like that since we were teenagers. And I could fix all your problems. You have no idea how much I hate when I know you’re dealing with something and I can’t do shit about it. When your biggest problem was wanting something in your mouth and I just needed to help you put your thumb in your mouth and you’d feel better? It was so great.”

Awsten’s eyes widen briefly before he gets it under control. “Jesus, that's embarrassing for me.”

“Yeah, yeah. You're cute small!” Geoff says and Awsten makes a whole show of his aversion to being called cute. 

“You’re worse than the fans calling me babygirl!”

“No, that's hilarious.”

“Oh you motherfucker,” Awsten shoots back. Then he pauses. “Do we need to get on the bus?”

Geoff checks his phone to find messages from Jawn, Lucas and Otto. “It appears so.”

Awsten laughs and flops back down on the bed. “Fuck, man!”

“Awsten! Why are you laying back down? We need to go!

“Carry me?” Awsten jokes, batting his eyelashes. 

“And you wonder why they call you babygirl,” Geoff responds, rolling his eyes. At that, Awsten drags himself out of bed and throws on a back tank and some gray jeans. “You’ll kill the fans if you let them see your arms, Awsten. Don’t you have any sympathy for them? They might not survive.”

“I know man! It’s hilarious because Jullian can perform shirtless and none of them bat an eye and as soon as they see my arms we’ve got people unconscious in the pit,” Awsten adds.

“Okay,” Geoff continues. “They definitely bat an eye when Julian takes his shirt off because I bat an eye when Julian takes his shirt off.”

“Geoff! Dude! Since when do you say that shit!?” Awsten yells, losing control of his volume while throwing his things into a bag to bring down to the tour bus. “I’m telling him you said that. No. Better yet, I’m going to tweet that you said that.”

“Go for it. You’ve ruined your credibility after tweeting that I was drawing selfcest of you and soulsucker,” Geoff quips. 

Awsten dramatically glares at the floor. “Damnit. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.”

“Hey assholes, hurry it up, we're all waiting on you,” comes Jawn’s voice through the door. Sharing a glance, the two hurry out, Geoff apologizing profusely and Awsten explaining graphically the kind of sex they were [not] having with the utmost dramatic sarcasm. 

Geoff listens to the jokes and walks just a few steps behind, just content to watch how awstens mouth curls when he laughs at his own jokes. 

I’m screwed.

Two updates in 24 hours? I'm spoiling you guys!

Love you all!

Reese

[tohokuu]

babe what happened… are you okay?!

okay so before i start, i come from a conservative pakistani muslim household. it's the kind of place where wearing shorts to bed make it look like you probably fuck around with guys.

i went to pakistan last summer and have a lot of my cousins on snapchat. i barely use snapchat but every once in a while, i post a selfie or an update on life or something. anyway, i felt really pretty yesterday and i posted a video of me.

thing is, i was wearing a black tank top and a thin hoodie on top but my breasts are big so my cleavage was out and i took the video from a high angle so you can def see stuff but it wasn't anything super bad.

now i have 3 diff snap stories. a public one, a main one and the private stories. the private story is obviously cfs only. the main is my entire snap but it excludes all my cousins and the public one is for literally everyone. whenever i post, i post on the public one but yesterday bc of my clothes, i posted to the main so my cousins wouldn't see it. but somehow my cousins werent fucking blocked off the story and a few of them saw it. some of my cousins are cool and some aren't. two of them screenrecorded it. i honestly completely forgot about the post until my mom barged into my room at 4 in the morning shoving her phone in my face.

it was a whatsapp chat where my uncle (dads older brother) sent it to my mom and my dad. he sent my mom a very angry voice message about my upbringing and how my mom should be ashamed of herself for raising a daughter like me. my uncle and my dad don't have the greatest relationship but me and my uncle get along very well. he loves me very much and so do i. its just that im so ashamed that he saw that kind of picture of me. i always dress very modestly when i'm in pakistan and whenever i post a selfie or something.

what's crazy to me is that he sent that shit straight to my mom and dad... my mom saw it this morning during fajr prayers and she deleted it off my dads phone so i don't believe he saw it and i also blocked my uncle off my dads phone so he doesn't call him.

i talked to my cousin and asked why she screenshotted and she said it was so she could ask me to remove the video because it wasn't decent. i was so stressed the whole time and i apologized so much for what i did and i begged her to calm her dad down and delete the photo off his phone and to not call my father about it. i have uni coming up in a few weeks and i truly do not have the money to pay all my tuition myself. like my dad, my mom and i are all joining money together in order to pay. if my dad finds out about this, he might marry me off, send me back home and marry me off, cut contact w me and kick me out or he might just kill me.

there isn't much to be shameful abt than the fact that my uncle saw it... my uncle and aunt are huge gossipers and even tho i dont feel as though she would go around and tell people this kind of stuff, she's also not very trustworthy. my uncle is petty and likes to bring up bad things into random conversations. i begged my cousin and she calmed me down and all but i dont trust these people. my aunt told my mom that it's okay and i made a mistake and i realized it and she also told my mom that i had expressed my shame regarding my uncle seeing it and he was very happy that i acknowledged my actions. she said it's okay to love your body and be proud but there's a limit and i crossed it. but she said that she wouldn't tell my dad and that it'll blow over soon but i dont fucking believe her at all. my aunt has been my moms biggest enemy since she got married into that house and who's to say she isn't mine too?

the fact that they have this video of me at all is so so fucking bad. i could barely sleep after i saw it. my chest hurts and it feels like something heavy is on it. my stomach keeps flipping and i feel like throwing up all the time. i don't know how long this will take to blow over but this is absolutely horrible. im wishing so hard that this is just a dream and i can just wake up from it at any given moment but it isn't so i have no idea what to do. my mom hates me right now and she's angry again. i don't know if my dad knows about this. i'm just so so broken up over this. i don't know what to do.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

I think we could name this whole thing as 'fun time with Ruby' and then we create ✨️drama✨️ because drama is fun!

Also to be honest i genuially hate how sexualized male idols are. Like it is one thing that someone thinks that the certain idol is hot like for example San. Because he is very hot especially on stages but i somehow feel like that Atiny's don't actually care about him, and they only care about to see him in less and less clothes which i think is kinda disrespectful? I mean it's one thing that he sometimes shows his abs but to expect him to always show his body is just not right. I also have seen Atiny's say that because San said that 'they understand that why we like it when they wear revealing clothes' they are allowed to say the most disrespectful shit and it often makes me think that..would those people like it too if they would be sexualized like that?

The other thing is that when those certain people go overboard and seriously turn the idols into sex toys, and you tell them to stop it they'll always say that it's just a joke, and that you're the one who's overreacting it is when i would slap those people. with a brick. Because it's not normal at all to say things like that. Like yes i admit, i was a minor when i got into kpop and yes i got influenced badly and said things i shouldn't have but as i got older i realized more and more how horrible it was and i still feel ashamed of it, so i don't understand how those people can say all that stuff and like don't feel ashamed??

Also this is mainly my veiw as i have realized that i'm not that comfortable with all that skin showing, and all that sexy stuff and i prefer to see the idols in more clothes, so i could be wrong. I think i also should mention that i 100% get the jokes about it, like sometimes i joke around too but there's a certain line that is just way too much to be considered as a joke, and i seriously hope that fans will stop this shit (especially with minors because damn, i feel bad for those kids to be put out to such things like that) and will start to mature soon.

Also my apologise for all the word repeating and if something is not easily understandable, i haven't eat anything yet and english is only my second language so my brain is still mushy.

Okay, so #funtimewithruby it is!

I'm going to include a bar in case of minors

Don't worry @velvetjoongie I completely understand what you're saying.

I feel bad for writing such short responses when you and @muselin have taken the time to write really lengthy paragraphs with detailed information.

I just don't want to talk about this extensively right now until I have created the right platform for everyone to speak and have their opinion on this plus the threading with the reblogs also helps me contain the conversation and be able to read all the asks.

But please, save this in the back of your mind because I want to talk about this with you more.