#I'm not feeling very good nowadays | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eyeballs-in-my-head · 8 hours ago

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Lip sync exercise that I'm working on

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lynaferns · 2 months ago

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Haven't looked at any DCA tag in... months now

I don't like the current fanon Sun with the sassyness people give him. It brings me into a depressive state lmao.

(not shaming, I'm just sad that I can't go in the tags anymore without finding most of the art being mean/threatening sun. And all I can do is not go in there anymore)

Well, idk if it toned down by now or if that's the norm now. I don't feel like finding out.

#guess this is a bit of a vent #this has been in my drafts for a while... I don't want it gathering dust and don't want to delete it either...#lyna rambles #the sun saying “kys” was funny at the beginning with the hw2 release but after so many post of him just being overly mean...#idk I have been thinking on and on about the idea of leaving the community and just focus on drawing for myself #but if I post my dca art people of the community will (obviously) interact with me #and that's nice! but I don't feel as comfortable here as before idk how to say it #people are still very nice (I'm talking about the dca fandom idk wtf is going on in the tsam side and I don't want to)#but nowadays it feels like I'm someone who likes oranges in a nice community that likes apples #people will only offer me apples. I don't have the energy to grow oranges anymore. that's ok #I guess I got attached to the nicer Sun in the early days of the fandom and seeing such a drastic change wasn't good for me mentally #idk I have thoughts about it but idk how to talk about it without others seeing me as a jerk for my opinions...#so I'm posting this at an hour where there's nobody to see it like the coward I am

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yourlocaldisneyvillain · 7 months ago

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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3

#personal #i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do #bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser #i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself #and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it #also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time #however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis #it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse #and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it #about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way #and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way #and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays #and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately #i have to say it DOES get better #esp if you make a tangible effort to heal #you will get there #and while it is a part of you it is not who you are #and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life #sexually and otherwise #i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim #but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience #(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them #but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences #while not forgetting or erasing the negatives #and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy #also kink has helped a lot as well as writing #but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors #it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways

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queseraphita · 9 months ago

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I had the bling-bam song stuck in my head so i decided to watch that mashle anime associated with out of morbid curiosity, its uhh its meh a less funny saiki but with a meathead and wizards. Feel like I'm too old for this kind od show

#i was honestly trying to look for anything about it being associated with hp since its very blatant about it being a parody #even the names and characters #honestly i might drop this and watch something else i kept seeing them compared to opm and mob but i think those are funnier than mash #the music and animation is too good for this show #I'm having more fun with this show reading mashle as neurodivergent/autism on his way to punch the ableism out of the system #i definitely feel too old for this kinda shounen show nowadays #mikh talks

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starpros-sunshine · 3 months ago

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You can use a lot of words you know? You don't have to talk yourself around stuff like "It's famous Nazi code for an abbreviation for their popular motto which I won't be repeating here" when you really can just explain that 88 is supposed to represent the Hitler salute because H is the 8th letter in the alphabet? You don't even have to say the words but I mean wouldn't it make more sense to actually explain something instead of vaguely talking around it for some sense of...of what? What's the use in nor calling the thing by it's name? Won't that do more harm than good? I mean if people know they shouldnt do something but don't really know why then they won't take it that serious no?

#sorry very stream of consciousness type of posting (and is there ever any other kind on this blog?)#and if it's about the actual word then you can use those uh #goose feet #the uh #'''''<- those #usually in text you put quotation marks yes thats the word around words with complicated historical connotations #thats how I've been tought at least #I'm not sure if that's how it goes in america but I've been tought that you never use words like the Nazi “the Jew'' without quotations #because they are historically and socially critical and in a text it would look like you're actually kind of a nazi yourself if you just #threw words around like that #yanno?#i think thats better than not using words because they might me triggering #i will respect it if asked of course but I'm not going to censor myself for the sake of seeming more sanitised or whatever #i hate that kind of trend that seems to be in media nowadays #whatwith unalive and grape and all #we have words for that. use them. do you not hear yourself. ''why are we glorifying corn on paper'' do you not feel shame writing like that?#it's all very. idk #almost performative it feels like #you know how I mean?#we're not going to say the evil evil words because people might be triggered (as if they'd be less triggered if you added one letter i don't #quite think thats how reading works) but are we actually going to fill the shoes we want to walk in and take the same attitudes #away from the Instagram comment section on a video of someone talking about zeus the mystical figure being depicted as attractive and #acusing them of glorifying a rapist when yeah no the guy was considered attractive can we stop conflating good looks with moriality can we #all just think?#like normal people?#some things you're just meant to be grossed out by why are we trying to make everything seem soft and harmless #''hes a pdf file'' grow a pair will you and talk in a way people will actually understand it's actually good if you're a little upset #by the idea of someone grooming kids that's a good response to have why are we tryinh to minimise that?#this got a tad beavy you don't have tk read until.here but if you did I'm sorry #I'm barely even awake i don't do well like tjis

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skydigiblogs · 11 months ago

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y'all bandai themselves is assigning me with the apocalymon autism

[ID: A photo of a someone holding a copy of the parallel art of Apocalymon from the Exceed Apocalypse expansion of the Digimon Card Game. The alt art depicts Apocalymon's humanoid body with an intense expression. The card itself is in a gold sleeve.]

we only bought four packs (the first time we have bought packs since 2021) and this was the last card in the last pack

we're getting the whole pizza with this one fellas

#sky talks #digimon card game #yes i know apo is a restricted card #but i have that apocalymon autism real bad right now so even though i barely know shit about DCG #i'm like determined to make it work #also the dcg tutorial app is really good for what it is but. god damn.#i am remembering why we stopped playing card games in college because worrying about interactions is a pain and a half #one game takes me like 30 minutes minimum even with the app making the flow easier for my brain #anyways #when i tell y'all i screamed #i could not chill for about an hour after this #he came home fr #now i feel like i HAVE to find a FLGS that actually has people playing digimon lmao #(as if i wasn't already gonna try to)#ALSO having not played card games since like? 2018?#(and considering the only card game we really played was MTG)#i am losing my mind over how pretty and intricate foil cards are nowadays???#like i also collect pokemon cards and YES there are some very gorgeous older pokemon foils #(there's this one pidgeotto card with starburst sparkles that is dazzling)#but the intricacy of the pattern work in some of these foil cards is nutty #i have to wonder what kind of tech goes into making card art do that #anyways uhh #i'm going to bed now that i've spent 6 hours riding this high #download the DCG tutorial app

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tenthdocter · 5 months ago

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You know I've always been a big cereal lover but there is not one cereal that hasn't changed massively over the years. No cereal tastes half as good as they used to when I was a kid. I can only eat like 3 different cereals nowadays and even then I do go off them a little and need a break from them

#the only ones i can eat nowadays are golden nuggets and coco and frosted shreddies #the rest are just meh #i mean i can have things like weetabix and cornflakes but only wirh lots of sugar #which i'm trying to cut down on in general #frosties are quite good too actually tbf #but i can go off them too very easily #also rip ricicles #you were greatly loved lol #oh and weetos used to be one of my favourites #but as soon as they got rid of that wacky scientist on the box they were never the same again 🥲#and on another note why did they stop putting little toys in cereal boxes??#i feel sorry for kids nowadays #i remember collecting little lightsabers with kellogs cereals #they had a really cool maze in them with a ball #and i think i lost all of mine :(#good memories tho

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whysamwhy123 · 6 months ago

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#Nothing to see here folks!#Just an old bitch whining and being annoying about stuff - move along! Pay no attention to the hater behind the curtain!#Wrestling is Bad Actually #*Heavy sigh*#I miss wrestling #I really do #I miss watching it and enjoying it and getting excited about it and writing fic about it #But I just can't do any of that anymore. Tony Khan ain't letting me LOL #And I have boring real life adult problems and wrestling used to be my escape from all that but NOT ANYMORE!#It's just really hitting me today how much I'm in Fandom Limbo #I stopped watching AEW months ago because - to put it as diplomatically as possible - it is very much Not For Me anymore #And everything I've seen and heard since then has only confirmed I made the right decision there #But I don't currently have another hyper-fixation to fill the void #So I'm just stuck here desperately waiting for something else to come and save me from this nightmare #And I don't want to be a hater! I used to fucking LOVE AEW and I take no joy in how much I think it sucks nowadays #And I don't wanna be a party pooper either - I see everyone else squeeing about the Bucks or Junglecorpse or MJF and Ospreay or Bryan #And it's just like...I'm glad y'all are having fun - really! But GOOD LORD does none of that appeal to me in the slightest #Most of my faves aren't getting booked - let alone pushed!#And the few that are are even worse off because Tony's booking is SO BAD it makes me unable to give a shit about wrestlers I used to love #I feel like Lieutenant Dan on New Years - everyone else is having a grand ol' time while I'm just sat here like 🙁#I feel like I'm going through the fives stages of grief in regards to fandom at the moment and it is not a good time let me tell ya #So yeah - don't be surprised if I stop being a wrestling blog the second the new Dragon Age game comes out #Save me Bioware! You're my only hope!

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coollyinterferes · 1 year ago

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Today, I offer you...

🌟 he 🌟

#[been thinking all day abt how much jona happily infodumps abt az/te/c culture and civilization on others if he gets the chance lol]#[especially when you take into account he canonly has some kind of morbid fascination with the dead and w/occult stuff (ie. the stone mask)#[probably had a blast the first time he tried pozole (a dish that seems it was popular in that culture and still is nowadays in mexico)]#[and he'd totally throw in the good ole ''did you know it's believed az/te/cs used actual human flesh instead of meat to make this?!'']#[he wouldn't do it in an ill-natured manner tho! he wouldn't try to upset others on purpose (and possibly ruin their meal in the process xd #[it'd be just his nerd ass infodumping and throwing some very dark facts/stuff bc he's so used to all of it lol]#[but yeah. i can definitely see why he got invested so much into all that stuff]#[it's just perfect for him]#[and yeah. i will be making a more formal post about all this sometime (if my pea brain doesn't forget to do it)]#;ooc tag #[stilllll feel free to interact with jona if you wish to! (regular jona. not micro!jona lol)]#[anyways.. had a bit of A Day]#[but at least i got to see some hal/low/een and dia de muertos stuff!]#[so that was good]#[i'm tired but i'll be working on replies]#[might not get any done tonight but they will be worked on nonetheless!]#[hope everyone's having a lovely day/night!! <3]

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elektroyu · 1 year ago

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Funeral is over, we got a lot of compliments from extended family for what we managed to put together in such a short amount of time. Everyone was super lovely, too. Hopefully the next time we all come together it will be for a much more happy occasion. 🤍

I'll try to rest this weekend and do nothing productive (save for preparing the preordered bookmarks for shipping so they can go out on Monday, but that's not a lot of work). I'll have to think about what to do about my financial/ health situation after that, but I hope I can find the time and energy to work on some art asap. I'm missing it a lot already :< and one of the watercolor commissions is already started <3

#random stuff #it feels very weird to be completely without parents and grandparents #it's just us siblings left now #at least there's 4 of us plus one partner #and right now we're more or less all in the same-ish space #it's going to be very lonely once we have to give up the house though which is more likely than it's not at some point in the future #I'm sad I can't be with the others though due to the stairs problem that was the reason I had to move out in the first place :/#it's a good thing the internet is what it is nowadays so I can at least connect to them using it #tw: death

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britneyshakespeare · 1 year ago

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you know. back when i reviewed poetry submissions for [insert unnamed literary magazine here], i once got a submission containing only two poems (you could submit up to five) both of which were about the author's older brothers, whose names are dan and john (my older brothers' names are dan and jon...athan) and her relationship w them and descriptions of them were not all that unlike my own brothers. still one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me

#i understand my brother's do not have the most exotic names in the anglophone world #(although this was an international outlet and we frequently got pleeenty of submissions from non-anglophone countries)#(in fact one of the reasons i got sick of it over time was seeing too many worthy poems be rejected for bullshit reasons #and that seemed to happen in especially high numbers to poems from perspectives of other cultures/international issues #that i found to be very well-crafted and objectively deserving! but u can only afford to publish so many poems a week right #so u have to pass over the vast majority of stuff. so u have to grasp at reasons like 'the voice is too close' whatever tf that means)#(that shit used to pissss meeeee offff. i hate literary magazine readers. it's a fool's job and i can say it bc i've been the fool)#however that being said. what a coincidence #tales from diana #they were good poems too. i think i gave them a thumbs up before they were eventually rejected like most other thigns that are worthwhile #did i ever mention the literary publishing world is bullshit? bc it is #especially especially the poetry side of it. completely bullshit and so out of touch w how ppl read and appreciate poetry nowadays #no wonder that shit makes no money. well that and nobody wants to pay for it anyway #but when it comes to my poetry i have no problem being a starving artist. i never made a dollar from my work #but i don't think my work has ever been worth a dollar. it's never COST me a dollar either #and as far as i'm concerned i don't really want to be appreciated much for it #not that i ever have been. well. lol #but it wasn't about me bc i have reviewed thousands of submissions but only submitted to like... a handful of outlets over time #and having been on both sides of that equation. i do think that that's not for me #sometimes i do think about self-publishing but i don't even think the work of that would feel worth it to me #and if i were to do that i would probably do it under a pen name.#i don't have a collection of poems. i just have poems. thousands of em.#if i ever get around to writing those plays i have outlined in my head i might consider it though #bring back the closet drama

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ruvviks · 1 year ago

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anyone else with tinnitus feel more disconnected from reality since getting it / it getting worse or is that just me

#personal #it's hard to explain but it kinda feels like an extra layer wrapped around my head that distances me from reality #if that makes sense. at all. it's like i'm stuck in my head a lot more nowadays #which is annoying because i remember what it used to feel like to have like. a very in the moment experience #sitting on a windowsill late at night staring at the stars. sleepovers with friends and grabbing a midnight snack #and i'm two weeks in england right now and i'm having FUN but also i feel so. disconnected about it still?#as if i'm not really here. or as if my brain hasn't realized that i'm really here yet #anyway hi good morning i was having thoughts that needed to be typed out

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moe-broey · 2 years ago

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Boots :)

Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(

Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!

#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.'#final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like #'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :(((('#i was literally never either of those things.#they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.)#but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO #and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself.#seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like.#look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them.#AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear #and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes.#just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth #but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school.#time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊#nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool #literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍#for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace.#i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes #'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't.#like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!!#<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA #anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny #and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later #i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language #til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly.#like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else.#UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO #also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this'#yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔#my projects

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funnywormz · 1 year ago

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a stitch in time is great i am not sustaining any psychological damage at all <- words of a man who is lying

#i started it this afternoon and i'm getting pretty close to finishing it now #it is very good. a lil fucked up but good #i miss reading like this i miss when i was a kid/teen and would just devour books at an insane speed #nowadays i don't generally have the time and honestly i still don't but i've been depressed as fuck these past few days and i needed to #read abt my favourite alien creature man thing #frankly idk if it's helping or not but my brain certainly feels more awake and functional now

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magistralucis · 2 months ago

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@absolut--kurant!

#waking up every morning feels like this nowadays 😅#not because i'm not awake just because i am SO COLD #the heating isn't on all night in the house so it can be very chilly sometimes! but once i get up it's fine))#well another monday begins... i hope you have a good week ahead of you my friend #keeping all my fingers crossed for good news for you this week 🥰💖🥰💖🥰#love you lots!! 💖💖💖💖💖

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astrxealis · 8 months ago

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i am Again in that mood where i rlly want to make more friends/mutuals into ffxiv but 1. don't know how + 2. it's Tough bcs (for understandable reasons) i am still a minor (17) and most players are very much older than me ............... i hope the future will be slay tho 🥺😁💖💞

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i am very lucky tho !! to have my twin i do everything w/ <3 #and a best friend i met on twt one of the last times i wanted to meet more fandom people >< <33 who is Actually my age too #and then a mutual here who is active on another acct i think nowadays (i hope they r well) but they are just a few years older #and the way they interacted w ffxiv was a bit similar to me / what i wanted to find more in others. same w the best friend.#and then actually making a friend In ffxiv but this was like. 2021. and i'm not going into all of those details bcs i Will yap too much #but i'm really thankful for my fc (and static in that fc) then :( being reaaally young and raised to obvs take care on the internet #LMFAO they managed to find out we were teens anyway and it was. really healthy ngl! a certain distance was remained #but they didn't like. made us feel like outsiders (??) but respectful to the age diff :3 and also we got along w/#the uni students in there and the guys (gn) our age (who were. still all a couple years older LMFAO) but did actually make a friend #we still talk to when we can a lot !! ^_^ (ignoring uh recently being busy bcs of gr 12. but yeah <3)#anyway. i yap so much holy fuck But.#i haven't talked much in any case to anyone abt ffxiv lately. and to my ffxiv friends too.#i'm like 95% sure i'm still on good terms w them all but. it feels lonely (?) i haven't yet gotten back to rlly talking w ffxiv ppl again #and i never really have been able to Ever anyway. i'm currently still getting back into the ffxiv mindset too bcs school got me busy.#so... idk where i'm getting w this now tbh LMFAO. i hope i can get more friends into ffxiv! and make more friends into ffxiv. and talk #again more w/ my friends already in ffxiv. and get my friends who are starting to get into ffxiv More into ffxiv. <3 #honestly it's like this ^^ a lot w/ a lot of interests of mine but it's cool bcs i have my twin :3 and i do have more friends now into #a variety of interests and w/ similar attitudes etc etc etc and i Am only so young. i'm just abt to go into uni etc... <3 #well. i will shut up now LMFAO but yeah. this is a little wish and 'prayer' of mine i suppose. :] !!#to get what i want i'll retain the power of hope and love but also put My work in nyeheheheheheheh

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