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punkstylerecovery · 9 months ago
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One of my major (minor) brain issues is that my brain lies to me. Sometimes its easy to ignore, especially since it's generally obvious, but when I don't have something else to concentrate on or I'm really anxious, its like trying to ignore a fire alarm going off when you're sitting right beside it. Impossible, at least for me.
See, its one thing to ignore my brain saying "you're an evil person" when I'm in the middle of a book. Its another to ignore my brain claiming I didn't lock the bathroom door (and someone Will come in) when I'm in the shower. But its quite another thing to ignore my brain screaming someone is in my bedroom and they're going to kill me when its the dead of night and I'm trying to sleep.
You might think the logical solution would be to look around my bedroom, put the fears to rest, and go to sleep. But no. You see, my brain wants me to look. But it also never believes I've looked properly.
I can look around and five seconds later, my brain will ask, 'but are you sure you looked right? Look again. If you missed something, you're going to die!" Sometimes I can't remember if I looked or not. Perhaps I did miss something. It doesn't matter. My brain wouldn't be satisfied if I slept with my eyes open (which is what it tries to convince me I will do if I want to stay alive).
Its always something I've struggled with, some times more than others. Its not always as extreme as "you're going to die", but its always extreme in some way, whether its the panic or the amount of times I check something to shut my brain up. And its ridiculous, because its not like I don't know my brain is a liar. Its not like I don't know it likes to fuck with me.
But I also don't really know what else to do. Its not like people go around offering advice for things like that; its not a common dinner conversation. Its not even a common experience, apparently. Some people's brains don't lie to them all the time and they don't have a million panic attacks trying to go to sleep because their brain isn't telling them they're about to die.
I don't know what the fuck I'd advise people like that. Sleep tight, maybe. But I wish there was some kind of guidebook for people with brains like mine. I'm getting kinda tired of winging it.
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cluescorner · 5 months ago
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Bruce Clone: I am rapidly aging and dying. My memories and life are like fragments of existence I can't quite grasp. I've only just been brought into this world and I was made to cause suffering, but this short existence is too much. Being a clone of Bruce Wayne made by a person with no regard for me/using me as a pawn specifically as it relates to Amanda Waller's goals (for some reason) and created for the purpose of filling a mantle is a fate only of suffering.
Terry, the Cooler Bruce Clone: lmao skill issue.
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sparky-is-spiders · 3 months ago
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Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"
This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:
Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.
Just. A weird amount of obsession.
Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.
Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.
It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.
Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).
And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.
#wish there was a way to search for all italicized text in a wordpad document... cause tumblr de-italicized it all lol#anyway jon manages to be an eye-aligned Freak even when the eye doesn't exist#worried this is ooc tbh but fuck it we ball ig.#anyway hope you enjoyed.#i am. i am so unbelievably nervous about posting this in a way that invites the scrutiny of people beyond my trusted mutuals.#anyway i'm personally deeply entertained by the idea of elias trying to be the most boring version of himself possible.#like just for fun. he's having a great time and nobody else is sure that he has a personality. idk it just speaks to me#also i made them accountants because that's my destiny. there are spreadsheets in my future. the stars have spoken.#but that's ok because i like them. they're kinda soothing honestly.#i really enjoyed principals of accounting tbh.#i barely know what i'm typing at this point i'm super tired lmao.#but this isn't about me this is about Them.#jon saw elias (barely talks to anyone. has never mentioned a personal life. primarily focused on Work.) and went 'wow. freakish.#i've never seen this behavior in anyone before. anyway i'm going to avoid speaking w/ my coworkers whenever possible#and move into a storage closet so i can stay late whenever i want.'#elias 100% knows about that btw. i imagine its the sort of thing that would be difficult to hide. he's not gonna say anything tho <3#anyway sorting tags#jonelias#joneliasweek#joneliasweek2024#sparkwrites#anyway time for sims4 i think.
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makerofmadness · 7 months ago
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So uh. (Man I need to get back into AAF-)
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redo-rewind-if · 2 months ago
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Soooo can we have Amara and V reaction to finding MC dead in an alleyway?
Okay, so, I was actually going to give a proper answer to this. Write you some short angsty snippets with V and Amara but, uh... things got away from me a bit so... Yeah...
This isn't quite what you asked for but hopefully you'll enjoy it regardless. Gonna put it below the cut since it got a little long. Whoops.
It’s a wonder you’re still alive.
Bleeding and broken as you are, body limp on the pavement, blood loss leaving you cold. You can hardly think, hardly see, vision hazy and spotted. The world awash in red—red light, red blood, red coat—until there’s nothing left.
Your killer laughs as he speaks to the woman who held you in place, held you as he shot you. Laughs as they walk away, leaving you slumped amongst the trash.
Is this how it ends? You think, delirious, eyelids growing heavier by the second. You fight against the inevitable, but to what end?
You’re dead.
The footsteps you hear behind you must be the cleanup crew. Whoever was called to dispose of your body. Of you.
You’d laugh if you had the breath for it.
The steps grow closer, heavier. Faster. “No.” You hear a familiar voice say. You know them, don’t you? And yet, try as you might the thought slips from your grasp like water.
“This is—please no. This can’t be… I didn’t think… If I had any idea…” Knees hit the pavement. A hand, gently pressed against your pulse point. “You—you’re alive?” A gasp, a sob, or both. You can’t tell anymore.
“Just, hold on. I’m going to call for help. Please hold on.”
The words don’t fully register, as if spoken underwater. But are you the one drowning or them?
What does it matter?
Let go. You need to let go. Close your eyes and let sleep take you.
“Please. Just a little longer.” A siren sounds in the distant.
Their hand, so warm as it clings to yours, almost unbearable in its heat, tempts you. And yet—
You close your eyes. A raindrop hits your face, then another, falling in a steady rhythm. Soft and gentle and loving in a way you don’t quite understand but feel nonetheless.
You don’t think you’ll open them again.
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humanmorph · 1 year ago
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"They found each other in the wreckage of optimism, and it took them a decade to decide that hope was not enough to save the Golden Branch from itself. It was in a library, not an armoury, where the Apostolosian became the sword and shield of Integrity, a Divine who’d lost its Candidate. Some climb into their Divines, others deploy them across the battlefield, or fight under the blanket of their shadows. But Integrity demands intimacy. It digs into the flesh of the willing, all metal and promises and penetralia, desperate to create an unbreakable unity. It is afraid, and wounded, and it cannot know the power it gives without seeing it first in the reflection of a Candidate's eyes: the loft, the velocity, the violence. And for the first time in centuries, Integrity doesn’t fear its Candidate. It moves with confidence, in muscle and ambition. It believes in Sokrates Nikon Artemisios." (COUNTER/Weight 22: A Broken Branch)
Great episode to get to after recent palisade happenings. I obviously remember the "Integrity demands intimacy" but there's so much other great stuff here.... "They found each other in the wreckage of optimism" is just incredible.
Edit: Noting the wording of " [...] the Apostolosian became the sword and shield of Integrity" because Integrity literally is both those things - they are the armor Sokrates wears and the weapon they wield - but it positions them here both as a protector of Integrity and someone Integrity acts through (divines & candidates!).
And I love that this gives Integrity pre-Sokrates interiority I had honestly completely forgotten about. "For the first time in centuries, Integrity doesn't fear it's candidate" A divine afraid(!) of what it can do together with it's candidate, the power it gives. And then what Austin describes in pal29 comes to mind, which is like, "if there was a time when Integrity was like, you know, 'Finally someone has come to help me get out of this situation.' That is not what's happening here." It's interesting because that phrasing of if not the current but a past state("that time has come and gone ")... it still sounds like fear a little bit. And that obviously isn't the case anymore (I don't feel like typing out this Austin quote but he said something about the notion of immortality & change that made me real happy. I love that shit) & I'm curious to learn more about this hopefully.
I love Integrity & while I don't think of it as "the good one", it's fate is important to me because is still one of the sickest divines (which is really saying a lot with like, Perennial and Motion et al. around).
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pine-arten · 6 months ago
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dixidin · 9 months ago
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Considering that we're gonna be entering Natlan in the next nation of genshin. I have a few words I wanna say on it.
On one hand, I'm so happy we're finally gonna see Capitano and learn about all the new lore, ect!
But on the other hand, I'm really nervous on what hoyoverse is going to be doing with the people in the nation considering the treatment with Sumeru and the fact that Natlan is inspired off of West African cultures and Latin America.
But considering the character designs of Vannessa and Iansan, I have some(what) faith in hoyo (fingers crossed!)
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shower-racoon · 2 months ago
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imagine if the Terraria bosses were on tumblr. what would they even post
#terraria#(just ignore that all of my headcanons are in the tags below)#eye of cthulhu would just post the 👀 emoji with every reblog#king slime would post and reblog pictures of slimes and slime-making tutorials#queen bee would post what you'd expect from a queen bee with a tumblr account#eater of worlds would be a food blog#brain of cthulhu would be riddles and puzzles#skeletron wouldn't know how tumblr works#wall of flesh would write elegant poetry before being banned for excessive gore after posting a selfie one time#queen slime would see a crystal in an image and instantly reblog it without even looking at the rest of the post#the twins would each have a separate blog but both would do the same thing as eye of cthulhu with a small twist#spazmatizm would post 👀🔥 and retanizer would post 👀🤖#the destroyer would post images of run-down buildings with captions along the lines of 'my handiwork' and 'I did that'#skeletron prime would start four different gimmick blogs at once and nobody would know until they all deactivate at the same time#plantera would post and reblog beautiful natural landscapes#golem would post about the state of the temple and lihzahrd society#mourning wood and everscream would be mutuals who post about trees#santa-nk1 would only post around christmas time and would be like a naughty-or-nice gimmick#pumpking would only post around halloween and would 'haunt' posts (put a picture of themselves on posts and say 'this post is haunted!')#not sure what ice queen would post tbh. don't really think about her outside of when I'm doing the frost moon event#the cultists would just be a normal group of mutuals here. sure they'd post about summoning cthulhu but like. that's just tumblr material#if the pillars count then they'd all have wildly different accounts with eldritch horror being the only connecting point#duke fishron would post about seafood restaurants and insects#empress of light would take one look at tumblr and instantly perish#moon lord would attempt to 'take over' tumblr before also being banned for excessive gore after posting a single selfie#deerclops is from don't starve together so I can't speak on what they might post
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apostaterevolutionary · 9 months ago
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An alien ship is detected in orbit. Some are elated, expecting a sharing of ideas, while others are terrified, expecting war on a scale previously unseen by humanity. Both are wrong.
First contact does not go the way anyone had ever expected.
So I posted this on my other pseud as tbh I'm just more active there lmao and I figure more people will see it than if I posted it on main. But it's a non-fandom original work so hey, might as well toss it here too
The idea haunted me until I got it out lmao, so here it is. A sci-fi horror story inspired by the likes of the twilight zone and scp about first contact going in a particular way. If that's your cup of tea, then I hope you check it out and enjoy!
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svtskneecaps · 1 year ago
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i still haven't gotten real baghera and rivers interactions have i........... like the barest of interactions......... a drought........... i was so fucking curious...... i am still so curious............ twenty minutes of conversation and i would be fed forever............ i'd never ask for anything again.... baghera wasn't even there when bolas was doing the whole hostage situation she was off doing her own thing.......... i'm so curious........... i want to know..... what would the dynamic be........ how would they interact............ i'll never know.............. crying...........
#qsmp#if they've interacted somewhere and i just missed it somehow i will be punching the table#and i mean like a conversation bc i have a vague memory of baghera introducing herself to rivers maybe????#but like a CONVO not just hi bye YOU KNOW#you know what i mean. you know.#i'm pretty sure there are tags on my blog from pre-rivers saying:#'god i hope rivers can join (...) i'm so curious what her and baghera's dynamic would end up being'#and i sincerely hope the answer isn't 'nonexistent lol' please 😭 don't do this to me#literally one twenty minute conversation so i could chart a trajectory i'll never ask for anything again#this is a personal curiosity i'm just very interested in people and how they interact and the myriad of dynamics that form it's fascinating#rivers and baghera's personalities are really interesting to me in their own ways#what can i say i like throwing ingredients into the test tube and SHAKING THEM TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS#shut up vic#block game brainrot#there are no metaphors it's just 4 am and i'm grieving the gaping holes in possible interactions#also i just watched a slimecicle qsmp vod those always leave me somewhat unhinged. you get it. you understand.#long tags#((also rivers who speaks french and baghera who's picking up spanish SCREAMING can i hear ONE person on this smp who isn't a native speaker#say something in french that isn't PETITE BITE or VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI))#((i don't even have a personal stake in that battle tbh i'm not a native french speaker but sometimes i try to think of someone outside-#the 'french' w their translations box set to french and man. i come up empty. and it makes me bummed))#((i get why i think but i'm still a bit bummed. would be nice to see the french speakers hearing a nonnative speaker in their language))#((i think it would be funny if rivers spoke french to one of em. etoiles esp would be funny))#(((if anyone's curious i'm avoiding specifics abt rivers bc i'm terrified of being wrong bc My Spanish Is SHIT)))#(((i certainly have thoughts but rather than Be Permanently Wrong On The Internet i will hold them in my chest and one day Die)))#damn these really are long tags hahahahahaha 4 am..............................#anyway tl;dr i will never not be curious how rivers would interact w the smp as a whole i get very excited seeing her log in that's the pos#((and if anyone's worried no i don't message in twitch chats and i deactivated my twitter a year and a half ago lol))#REMINDER THAT IT'S FOUR AM SORRY IF THE TAGS ARE UNHINGED AND FULL OF BAD TAKES I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE
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r0semultiverse · 1 year ago
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Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake finale spoilers without context
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violentlydefending · 13 days ago
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genuinely always so shocked to see mirei hate. like literally god forbid women do anything.
#y5 haters in general... does playable haruka mean nothing to you...#DOES SHINADA TATSUO MEAN NOTHING TO YOU...#for legal reasons this is a joke people are allowed to feel however they want about whatever it's just viddy games#and i fully acknowledge y5 and its litany of flaws#of which there are certainly enough for any given individual to justifiably dislike/hate its entirety but I AM A Y5 LOVER THRU AND THRU#saejima's arc is just an arguably less interesting rehash of the one he had in 4?#(jail; jailbreak; betrayed by his lil buddy guy#but now we're sans the interesting character stuff of his feelings regarding the hit. & also i miss his hair.#& that's not even to say i think saejima is boring in y5 i think there's some interesting subtext to take away from his character#unique to this entry but it's pretty hard to deny how much is literally just y4 again but now he's bald)#BUT WHO GAFS he got buffed to hell gameplay-wise and punches bears now#and also baba's a great character and he doesn't have to do a whole chase minigame if a cop sees him anymore#bloated/unfocused feeling in general to the game?#WELL THAT'S JUST MORE CONTENT BABY!!! only a real issue if you're a completionist imo#+ are u telling me you don't wanna drive a taxi? u don't wanna play a video game in which the goal is to drive as normally as possible?#and i loveeeee multiple protagonists yay <3 y0 y4 and y5 are my favs so far lol (up to y6)#kiryu's inclusion in y5 also feels way more justified than in y4. he was so tacked on there i'm trying to remember what he even really did#other than tiger dropping as a boss fight before instantly forgetting how to tiger drop the second he became playable#and losing track of yasuko and getting tag-teamed by akiyama and tanimura (cough) and beating up daigo#but in exchange akiyama becomes the protag that feels kinda tacked on in y5. way less so than kiryu in y4 tho for sure#anyway. weird/strangely justified plot beats? WELL THAT'S JUST EVERY YAKUZA GAME#an arguably strange/poor writing choice for majima especially given how he ended up being written in y0?#well honestly other than the age thing i think it makes him more interesting... he's kinda fucked up!#but i do get why people are /really/ not a fan of it. ik i just said i think it makes him more interesting but if it gets retconned#or even just never mentioned again i wouldn't be surprised tbh and i wouldn't say that i'd mind either#but additionally he's not even a major character in y5 so it feels like it's not really a significant complaint imo#anyway anyone can do this ('this' being acknowledging the flaws of a thing and then letting how much they otherwise enjoy#said thing determine how much they let said flaws influence their overall opinion) ...such is the beauty of subjectivity... i love you.#contra.txt#yakuza
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tenderjock · 22 days ago
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i do think the most interesting interpretation of btvs lore is that non-vampire demons and mystical entities ALL have souls, unless they sold, destroyed or otherwise got rid of them (like the mayor)
#because first of all: it gives a potential explanation for why there is a VAMPIRE slayer who specializes in vamps and not just a ''slayer''#like why vampires are singled out in particular. if its because they are in some inherent way crueler more evil less human less worthy#than at least the average demon altho not the most terrible demons. and that kind of checks!! plenty of demons seem to be fairly chill#amoral maybe and have weird diets but not necessarily Big Bads. whereas all vampires by definition drain humans of blood for fun and profit#second: it explains a lot about anya in particular - i'm thinking of two things in s7 when she's a-venging again#1. when she sees spike's soul in his eyes and is Shocked. not the face of a woman who has never seen a soul in the eyes of a demon before#2. no one is like ''oh anya has a soul!!! you cant slay her'' or ''how can you be a demon again when you have a soul wahhh''#i bet everyone just knows she has a soul. she's had a soul the whole time. everyone knows that. everyone's been knowing that.#third: it explains Why Angel And Spike Are Such Frickin Big Deals lmaoooo#the whole ''vampire with a soul'' thing isnt understood by buffy in s1 - angel tells her about it and she's like okay sure. try harder#the concept of ''souls'' being ''something'' that one ''has'' is like so ... it ONLY MAKES SENSE if vampires are KNOWN to NOT HAVE SOULS!!!#like imagine youre a demon or w/e and some master vamp comes along and youre like ''oh shit'' and he's like nah man ... ive got my Soul#and youre like ''oh SHIT. i didnt know you could do that''#vaguely related point: i think something people in fandom have always struggled with (''struggled with'' is the nice way of phrasing)#is the idea that in buffy's mind vampire with soul = good / vampire without soul = bad ALWAYS NO EXCEPTIONS#and like. theres so much nuance there. nuance number one being that buffy anne summers is the Queen Of Black And White Thinking#and we gotta take what she says with a grain of salt. nuance number two being obviously bad people can do good things and vice versa#nuance number three is that she's kinda right? if you have no true moral compass AND no true empathy AND delight in causing pain You're Bad#anyway i think this take ^^^^ about demons having souls and the people of btvs being aware of this lends EVEN MORE NUANCE!!!#because people in fandom love being like ..... buffy would kill anything without a soul. and protect anything with a soul. which tbh#i think is a deliberate misunderstanding of the source material. buffy would kill anything that harms humans and will protect#anyone that is human. thats her fucking job lmaoooooooooooooo its her calling in life. get bent#i'm ending the tag spiral here <3#it's terribly simple
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veilk · 1 month ago
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one time i tried that "mentally ask yourself if anyone else is in there" thing & i didn't get a Direct response but the song stuck in my head (which i Do Not control) would change and the new repeating lyric would function as a response to whatever question i asked. so that was kind of fucked up & i don't know if i'm supposed to do anything about it. it just kinda sounds ridiculous to say "there are entities in my head attempting to communicate with me via song lyrics"... i realize now i don't actually have a specific question i just wanted to tell someone about this sorry
THAT'S. HOW IT GOES SOMETIMES... yeah i have no idea what's up with that either brains are weird
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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