#I'm not butt hurt at all
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I'm doing fine and totally not stressed that 2 of my best crystals broke last night
#their energybwas so good it's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine#I'm not butt hurt at all#over how unique and special they are#and they now tarnished
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tragedy in three acts
#i bought a new skirt!!!#and I'm obsessed with it!!!!#it's long enough that my butt is not showing all the time#but hey#it's short enough i can show my butt too if i want!!#don't ask me to do this pose again#my back hurts#hey thats me!
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I'm watching Berserk and I may or may not have hyped myself up to turn my vampire ocs into dark fantasy characters. mmaybe
#sketch tag#so uh. pepper is kind of a guts basically jdjgkckkc#they're both in an army and they butt heads a lot bc pepper is big and stronk but very impulsive and reckless#but there's no griffith situation or anything like that it's just that vince worries abt her#and he's way more restrained as a fighter and a strategist. maybe a commander or second in command#and just like in vtm he's very paranoid and afraid of change. so he worries abt her and is also unhappy in the army but too scared to leave#so he broods a lot and mopes around and gets on her ass abt her recklessness#and just like in vtm pepper is impulsive and has a lot of pent up frustration and she uses the battlefield to release all of it#sometimes overexerting herself and nearly getting herself killed#she also wants to leave bc she's not sure she believes in what they're fighting for anymore. but then she loses her coping mechanism#things change when they have an argument where he reveals he cares abt her sjfjjfkf YES very cliche I am thriving#and she's dismissive at first but after being alone for a bit his words start sinking in#and when they're on a battlefield again there's a moment where they have to retreat and she's about to absolutely not listen to that#but then she has a change of heart bc she remembers what he said + she cares abt him too so she doesn't want him to be hurt by her actions#neither by him getting worried nor trying to come to her aid and putting his life at risk#so she retreats#and he's very happy abt that he thanks her later for what she did#and then she's like yeah sure I guess I didn't die but also guess what. I'm bored#everything she wanted to release back there she just didn't. so she's still frustrated and especially bc she had to admit defeat#and she's an extremely proud person. she's irritated#and he's like aight. I'm gonna fight you then#and she's like what. and he's like yeah#so he picks up a sword and throws another one to her and there's a *sexual tension play-fight* hell yeah babey#I'm having sm fun w this au can you tell jejfjckckkc#eventually they do desert the army they're in bc things get worse and pepper decides she no longer wants to be a part of it#and in a fight or flight moment she pushes vincent to make a decision and he leaves with her#and like the story is only getting started there bc then there'll be some big misteries in the story they're gonna uncover#which. I haven't figured out what they are yet#but either way akhhdskfha I'm having a lot of fun w this#sleep.txt
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I got a nasty anon ask in my box this morning. It was pretty impolite (no death threats or anything, just generally rude and assumptive), so I'm not answering it directly, most of it was nonsense.
BUT there is a thing I think people NEED to understand about tumblr, and social media/blogging as a whole that it appears some people are unclear on.
Everything you post on tumblr is public.
You cannot do 'private' blogging on here. You post it, it is OUT here for good or for ill. Literally anyone you have not blocked can roll up to your blog and look through your stuff, and reblog it.
You can mark posts unrebloggable, and lock comments on them, if you want. But still, the post is public.
Yesterday a really bad fatalistic about voting post crossed my dash. I can't remember who it was from, and I wouldn't name names here anyway. Normally I scroll on by those, but I was tired, and in pain, and it managed to press my buttons juuuust right for me to reblog it with a bit of a screed on how the person who wrote it was being a psyop (using this as a catch all term for people trying to get people not to vote here) and trying to get people not to vote. Which I stand by, it was exactly in the vein of posts I recall from the 2016 election from people saying why THEY could NEVER vote for Hilary.
They proceeded to jump all over me for reblogging their 'private post' and for trying to 'scare' them and how they're 'an undecided voter' and my use of the term 'dog crap', blah blah blah.
(If you're undecided at this late stage I don't think anything I do or say is gonna sway you to do the right thing, and withholding your vote is only a moral option in elections that AREN'T literally FASCISM vs DEMOCRACY, but *handwaves* that's not my point here.)
Whatever.
My point is you cannot come on here and post things and expect them to stay on your blog. All it takes is accidentally leaving your finger on a post too long while you're on mobile and it's been reblogged.
#posts break containment ALL THE TIME y'all#you cannot get all butt hurt because someone saw your stuff and had an opposing opinion#don't like me? block and move ON honey#i'm not gonna bother i don't even know who you are#tumblr is a PUBLIC BLOGGING SITE#nothing on it is private (tho it IS a bit more private that regular social media bc we still use usernames and not RL names)#so don't say stuff you wouldn't say out loud in a crowded room maybe#if it's gonna bother you that some rando walks up and tells you 'that's stupid'#current events 2024
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i think i'm finally gonna read house of leaves wish me luck
#i've been meaning to read this book for like 5+ years lol#i think i'm finally ready to commit to it and also i just bit the bullet and bought a copy#because i know myself enough to know that i will not finish it if i get it from the library#and also they didn’t have the gravity falls book at the bookstore hahaha they said they’ve sold out of it twice#so. oh well. house of leaves time first#also i think i'm gonna finish fma brotherhood without my friend who wanted to watch it in the first place#out of spite because he's still being a little bitch#hope he doesn't change his mind! or feel butt hurt when i don't want to watch shit with him anymore#i think after all this i'm not gonna watch any longer series with him anymore#movies only. low commitment only. so he can't bail on me just on a whim#i'm enjoying fma a lot though!! these boys are the exact type of characters i get attached to lol#i like the alchemy shit also and the humor/drama balance#and the character design and the world building and the Lore#i was kind of on a movie kick again earlier this month but i just don’t have a lot of time for it rn#or the attention span. to be so honest#kind of embarrassing but i’m so mentally exhausted and i’ve been splitting my attention between a lot of different things lately#i was on such a reading kick this summer too!! hopefully house of leaves will replenish my energy for reading#i also got a sci-fi novel a nonfiction book and a folklore collection so i have plenty of new material rn#and i found another book that i want to reread soon#winter is gonna be a big reading time i am committing to that!!#anyway. that’s that
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the challenging part for me when it comes to writing enemies to lovers is balancing just how mean they are when they insult each other without crossing the line to a point of no return.
#like i want them to have that /hatred/ than just annoyance#i want them to butt heads because they 'despise' each other#but i don't want them to say words that ends up becoming unforgivable#bc i really hate it when they've so obviously hurt each other#but then they're somehow fucking in the next paragraph#and then suddenly all is forgiven LAKSLAKSKLAS#and gosh have i read those#like damn i didn't know the degradation kink ran that deep LMAO#like i'm all for hate sex#but forgiving them right away???#honestly it's kinda the same with angst to fluff fics ngl#ramblings
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A lot of our chopsticks recently molded over (oops) so I pestered my brother to buy new ones!
anyways. Tag yourself, which one are you? (I'm the cat :>)
#We both got to choose a set of chopsticks#My brother like the basic BORING butt butt he is chose..... The pattern less set#But I am better than that#I have TASTE#Also yeah no throwing away all thsoe chopsticks hurt but um. We're working on making sure it doesn't happen again#Setting up a seperate bin for our wooden chopsticks so they don't sit in dirty water for long periods of time n stuff#I hate washing dishes ughh#mun rambles#I'm procrastinating on washing them rn actually lmao :)
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Oh so now I'm being the fucking pervert after the shit you did to me are you fucking kidding me bro!? Your 20 fucking years old and acting like this!? Plus how tf am I being a freak to you and I was only trying to confront you....???? Like I said I NEVER ASKED YOU TO FUCKING DRAW EQUIUS ANYTHING SLAVE RELATED!! Thanks alot for being such a dickhead man.
#rant post#rant#like wtf#trying so hard not to fking cry rn#vent#I hope your fucking happy for trying to expose me ga5tro#getting all butt hurt cause i misgendered you be fucking fr#being called fucking racist over a drawing I showed you-#not to mention THIS MF CALLED ME A WHITE GIRL!! LIKE N*GGA I'M FUCKING BLACK!!!#but you wanna get all mad when I misgendered you. get a life bro-
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always a bridesmaid, never a bride
at least everyone has that instead of wondering why
cause i'm never a bridesmaid, never will be a bride
and i've sat on my floor and cried
i can't figure it out, why i'm never enough
can't walk down the aisle in white or maroon
and i can't even gather up the courage to ask the tough stuff
like why did you change your mind, why leave me on the outside, why never even tell me why?
cause i sit here thinking that i'm not enough
enough times without you changing your mind
saying that i can't walk behind you as a bridesmaid while you are a bride
and i'm not trying to damper this joyous occasion
maybe that's why I've bit my tongue and tried self persuasion
cause every single one of your friends is involved - except for me
and i can't help but drown in my misery
i feel like i failed some kind of test
cause everyone's a bridesmaid
everyone's a bride
and i'm stuck on the sidelines
wondering why
#i don't know if this poem portrays my feelings well enough#but long story short one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday and she told me that i was gonna be a bridesmaid#then when everyone got formally asked.... i didn't#and some of her other friends are doing other things like one is officiating#and i am just not even doing anything#and it really hurts#and it's like i know i shouldn't make it about me#but i literally can't even hear about the wedding without wanting to bawl. and she never told me why she changed her mind#i had to hear it from our mutual friend cause i was having a breakdown over it#cause she didn't want my mom trying to butt her head into the wedding cause my mom is known to overstep with me#but it just literally hurts so fucking bad that I'm not involved in any way#and i feel like I'd be an asshole if i say anything to her#so I've kept my mouth shut for like 2 years basically#like biting off my tongue#and i actually have tried to talk to her about it before but i always chicken out#but i felt like i needed to add some backstory to that poem in case it seemed like i was boohooing over not being a bridesmaid when there#was no indication i was gonna be one at all. like she literally asked me if i wanted to be one.#and I'm just too sensitive and i know that. and i need more friends and distance and more therapy#poem#bad poetry#poetry#writing#tumblr poetry#tumblr poet society#I've just felt like my whole life I've been an outsider and i felt a little bit included with them and this and other things happen and i#feel like I'm back at square one
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💫
#either my. eyes are really bad or grocery stores need 2 make the labels/tags bigger#my eyes hurt from squinting SHDKFHGKH i was looking 4 pork butt and the moment i decided 2 ask for help#the. person working there pointed 2 it being right in front of me#anyway#today has been really nice!! a day 4 me :] didn't expect 2 go back home today but man did i need it#i really miss it here. i'm excited to move back in july#forget how comfy i am here n how nice it is to be surrounded by a diverse group of people also just. goin abt their lives y'know#also. boba <3 i'm waiting on my boba rn it smells so GOOD in here i'm glad this place has stayed all these years#ough. serotonin (*´ω`*)#sap says
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things r goin places maybe
#mini trauma dump on the guy i've been taking to#he said he didn't mind lol#he tried his best to comfort me but was not exactly super helpful#not at all hurtful either though#still very early days of like.... what's the line lol#where's this goin idk#but he said my butt looked nice in my instagram story so i don't think that's platonic 😂😂#actual flirting is happening now#nice#i did give him my number though and he literally just.... didn't text me😂#so like basically no ? 😅#i'm so confused#i feel like i need to tag this experience as i tagged the previous one#what should i tag it..#tiktok guy#??#talking to tiktok guy#?#idk#sorry#lol
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You know, even though you reason in your head that falling on your ass when you’re over 40 will definitely hurt more than it did when you were in your 20s, I don’t think that concept prepares you for how much more it will hurt, exponentially.
In a no way related topic, I got my roller skates today. XD
#yes it's related#i promptly fell on my butt and bruised my tailbone#at least i hope it's just bruised and not broken somehow#that shit hurts like a motherfucker#i'm not gonna let it discourage me#but also i'm looking into some padded shorts situation lol#please feel free to laugh at me#i had all the protection equipment except the one i needed most#but the skates are beautiful so i will endure and look like a bigger dork#operation fall on my ass a thousand times#and it begins with one#lindira's life
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Conversation
Russian gov: *Is bad and horrible and does horrible things*
Russian people: Please, do not think we are the same as our government, we do not agree with them and they do not represent us!
tumblr: Yeah guys, countries aren't monoliths.
Chinese Gov: *Covered up Covid for so long until it became an international health crisis*
Chinese People: Don't blame us for the actions of our government.
tumblr: Yeah guys, citizens aren't responsible for the bad thing their governments do.
Immigrants: Hey, we come from x country, but that doesn't mean we're the same as everyone from that country.
tumblr: Yeah don't be xenophobic guys! You shouldn't judge someone based solely on their country of origin.
British People: We know we have a bad history with imperialism, but we're taking steps to distance ourselves from it.
tumblr: *Some stupid and harmless joke about British accents with at least one "innit" present*
Anyone with literally any relation to France: Hi, I-...
tumblr: We literally need to nuke France, like unironically.
#I've lived my whole life as a 2nd generation citizen in the southern US#which was already hard enough on its own#but let me tell you#all the anti french jokes I heard growing up#people physically assaulting me over it#people telling me that the nazis should have killed my grandma#being the butt of everyone's jokes all the time#then here online where I started to feel safe about it#only to see so many people joking about wanting to kill all French people#meanwhile British imperialism is treated more as a joke#and Spanish imperialism is mostly ignored#literally some of the shit you people say is ptsd triggering to me#but it's funny that I'm hurting because my grandma was born in France#I can't even look up France or French to try and find stuff that relates to my culture#because all you shitheads are in there making literal threats of violence#I can't participate in my own heritage#my great grandpa was a French Resistance leader in WWII#and my great uncle was one of the people directly responsible for D-Day happening#but people tell me that their contribution didn't matter#I am so sick and fucking tired of this bullshit
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my muscles are sore from dancing for basically 5h straight yesterday help
#after 3 am i do enjoy techno... at that point i'm both tired and awake long enough that mindlessly moving to a beat is nearly transcendent#still feel a bit weird abt the fact i was actually the responsible person like it doesn't feel real#i was taking part planning this party for months now but actually being the person running the organisation on the night feels so unreal#when i was getting the tour of the location and the guy was giving me all these technical details it was like oh wait this is happening#also hwtsjhmds coordinating a band and djs and ?? i just so wish to know how they saw me from the outside#because inside it was just like idk i guess i'll try this and that it'll work out#it felt more like i was there with the student council and happened to just know a few things but like we all ran the show#but from thw feedback i've been getting it's like thanks for planning and handling all that and it's so#ahh#so nice to get recognition!? but also so strange because looking back it feels undeserved#anyway#my butt muscles hurt owie :(#emma talks
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Still wondering if I should include my recipe in my fic
#this time it would be my decision to publish it#but I'm still mad at my bff#My mom invented my all time fav meal#and when I lived with my bff they loved it too#so I asked my mum to write down the recipe for them and their family for PERSONAL USE#it hurt when I found out their mother advertised it on a relatively popular FB page as her own recipe....#all I could do smile stiffly when it was revealed#but I'm still butt hurt about it#like come on#ranting because I'm sick#meh#should I share my own recipe after that? To gain back the ability to share it if I wanted?
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#arrrggh#i have a MRSA infection and it hurts soooo much#y'all it looked NASTY#It's draining now but dear lorde#i showed it to my mom and she said it made it look kind of like my pin up bride of Frankenstein tattoo had a hair piece 🤮🤮🤮#ew! it's so red around it too y'all i can't#before anyone worries i get these all the time btw. I'm dealing with it i get ointment prescribed because i get it so frequently#usually that does the trick but i do go to the doctor if it gets worse instead of better it just usually goes away when i use the ointment#i did end up on antibiotics a few times ago though that's how i found out i was allergic to bactrim#fun fact if you get mrsa once you basically have it for life#so once this goes away my doctor told me i could try decolonizing my skin but that's going to suck hard#a week and a half of hibicleanse baths and i have to put the ointment up my nose twice a day while i do the baths#so idk if I'll even bother like yeah there are super annoying because they are very painful ESPECIALLY if you have to get one lanced#but that's just so much work#i had one lanced on my butt when i was a kid and that is one of the most painful experiences I've EVER had in my life#it already hurt to sit it hurt a lot#but after the numbing wore off? i was screaming and crying in my siblings lap in the car on the way home#i literally can feel the pain getting close to 20 years later if i remember it hard enough
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