#I'm not alcoholic

[s0up1ta]

"so grunkle ford how do you know bill?"

"... that's not important."

[teaboot]

I've started playing this new game when I'm bored where I look up shitty T-shirts with pictures and slogans on them intended to be worn to very specific occasions and I try to think of a different place where it would be way funnier to wear it

Some Examples:

ONE

EASTER SHIRT

Slogan or image: Easter bunny, "I have the best eggs"

Intended wear: Family event, community event

Funnier place to wear it: Fertility clinic

TWO

ST. PATRICK'S DAY SHIRT

Slogan or image: Man with two beers on green. "Dublin fistin"

Intended wear: At a bar with the boys

Funier place to wear it: BDSM club. With the boys

THREE

HALLOWEEN MATERNITY

Slogan or image: Skeletal ribcage aligned with the wearer's ribcage, and a cartoonish skeleton baby just below it.

Intended wear: Low-effort Halloween event

Funner place to wear it: Abortion procedure

[popillia]

Big snake bartender lady

[existennialmemes]

Drinking Game for The US Presidential Debate- Rules:

Do not actually watch the debate

Drink a lot

Look at the memes about it tomorrow

Drink some more

[bisexualgoth]

bonus: say in the tags how old u were in the tags + what's your legal drinking age or, if u never drunk before, feel free to say your age too + why, if you have a reason why you don't drink!

[frownyalfred]

Okay, another little lesson for fic writers since I see it come up sometimes in fics: wine in restaurants.

When you buy a bottle of wine in a (nicer) restaurant, generally (please note my emphasis there, this is a generalization for most restaurants, but not all restaurants, especially non-US ones) you may see a waiter do a few things when they bring you the bottle.

The waiter presents the bottle to the person who ordered it

The waiter uncorks the bottle in order to serve it

The waiter hands the cork to the person who ordered the bottle

The waiter pours a small portion of the wine (barely a splash) and waits for the person who ordered it to taste it

The waiter then pours glasses for everyone else at the table, and then returns to fill up the initial taster's glass

Now, you might be thinking -- that's all pretty obvious, right? They're bringing you what you ordered, making sure you liked it, and then pouring it for the group. Wrong. It's actually a little bit more complicated than that.

The waiter presents the bottle to the person who ordered it so that they can inspect the label and vintage and make sure it's the bottle they actually ordered off the menu

The waiter uncorks the bottle so that the table can see it was unopened before this moment (i.e., not another wine they poured into an empty bottle) and well-sealed

The waiter hands the cork to the person who ordered the bottle so that they can inspect the label on the cork and determine if it matches up; they can also smell/feel the cork to see if there is any dergradation or mold that might impact the wine itself

The waiter pours a small portion for the person who ordered to taste NOT to see if they liked it -- that's a common misconception. Yes, sometimes when house wine is served by the glass, waiters will pour a portion for people to taste and agree to. But when you order a bottle, the taste isn't for approval -- you've already bought the bottle at this point! You don't get to refuse it if you don't like it. Rather, the tasting is to determine if the wine is "corked", a term that refers to when a wine is contaminated by TCA, a chemical compound that causes a specific taste/flavor. TCA can be caused by mold in corks, and is one of the only reasons you can (generally) refuse a bottle of wine you have already purchased. Most people can taste or smell TCA if they are trained for it; other people might drink the wine for a few minutes before noticing a damp, basement-like smell on the aftertaste. Once you've tasted it, you'll remember it. That first sip is your opportunity to take one for the table and save them from a possibly corked bottle of wine, which is absolutely no fun.

If you've sipped the wine (I generally smell it, I've found it's easier to smell than taste) and determined that it is safe, you then nod to your waiter. The waiter will then pour glasses for everyone else at the table. If the wine is corked, you would refuse the bottle and ask the waiter for a new bottle. If there is no new bottle, you'll either get a refund or they'll ask you to choose another option on their wine list. A good restaurant will understand that corked bottles happen randomly, and will leap at the opportunity to replace it; a bad restaurant or a restaurant with poor training will sometimes try to argue with you about whether or not it's corked. Again, it can be a subtle, subjective taste, so proceed carefully.

In restaurants, this process can happen very quickly! It's elegant and practiced. The waiter will generally uncork the bottle without setting the bottle down or bracing it against themselves. They will remove the cork without breaking it, and they will pour the wine without dripping it down the label or on the table.

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

He gets it.

[toastedatlas]

today's art dump

[draconym]

Drawing fish at the bar

[annabelle--cane]

so my thing about vampire media that goes for the addiction metaphor is that the most notable examples (the addiction, being human, midnight mass, etc) are some of the most sympathetic-to-addicts pieces of media I've ever seen. which you might think would be a paradox because, yknow, vampires are bloodsucking monsters, and it's not like that isn't the case in any of those examples, but apparently that isn't really a roadblock. these narratives have basically no problem humanizing their addict-vampire characters even as they lean into monstrosity and kill and eat some guys. it's the kind of thing where on paper it's a Problematic angle for representation but in practice it really works.

[kinsey3furry300]

dear God, me and my flatemates found Little Big online during the first lockdown and Little Big became the music of our 2020.

[sleepysundial]

thank you pyro lovers for the notes you make the world go round

og post teehee

[blitzwhore]

So. Stolas is an alcoholic. That much is very clear at this point in the show and has been for a while now. He binge-drinks to cope with depression and with his life problems at large.

What's interesting is that he's far from the only character in Blitzø's life who is an alcoholic. In fact, substance abuse seems to be a recurring theme in the show. At least three other people Blitzø was or is really close with (potentially four, if we count his father) have struggled with substance abuse: Verosika, Barbie, and Fizz.

And the show has made a very clear point that both Verosika and Barbie have been in rehab. Not just that, but it's also emphasised that they're both still struggling with addiction (Verosika still drinks at her concerts, "clutches onto Beelzejuice bottles like they're the last cock in hell", and writes magazine articles about binge drinking being sexy; Barbie still peddles heroine, though not H8). Clearly, for both of them, this is an ongoing issue presently in the show.

So, with all of that being said, I recently saw someone theorise that, in a future season, Stolas is going to go to rehab, too.

I thought it was certainly a possibility, and one that I would personally love to see explored. So I've been thinking about it... and I remembered this:

The beginning of Unhappy Campers, and Blitzø breaking into rehab to go visit Barbie.

Now, I think a lot of people (myself included) felt surprised and a bit disappointed the first time we watched this episode, because our initial assumption was that Blitzø was trying to visit Stolas. It just made sense! Stolas was hospitalised right at the end of the previous episode and texted Blitzø that he could visit if he wanted to. (At this point, we also didn't know Blitzø had trauma surrounding visiting loved ones at hospitals). And suddenly they hit us with Blitzø seeking out Barbie out of the blue? So many of us were left wondering... why? Yeah, people have mentioned that maybe feeling like he could've lost Stolas prompted Blitzø to try to mend a different broken relationship, one that he felt he had more chances of fixing. But the timing, as well as the non-immediate revelation that it's Barbie he's looking for, is still... strikingly suspicious, isn't it?

And just now, after all this time, it hit me.

What if this is foreshadowing?

What if, all along, they were telling us Blitzø will visit Stolas at the hospital in the future... when Stolas is in rehab?

[lxvvie]

Couples Shit with Simon Riley, Lovably Pissed Grumpy Cat Editon:

cw: alcohol and alcoholic consumption

If you thought sober Simon had grumpy cat tendencies, drunk Simon is on another level of grumpy cattiness, complete with the way he'll look up and squint his eyes in catty judgment every time you cease to stop scratching his scalp. Fuck you stop for, lovie?

Simply put: Splooting and snoring. On you.

Simon getting the munchies after a night out and snacking on your favorite snacks, y'know, the ones that don't (lovingly) hold a candle to his? Simon confesses that actually yeah, you do have good taste in food and you're the reason why his taste buds aren't so shitty anymore. The food choices are just one more thing to lovingly bicker about, sweetheart.

Your big bear of a soldier being a bit more talkative than normal while pissed. It's not uncommon for you two to be laid up, staring at the ceiling, and conversing about life. One time, Simon pensively revealed that "Mum and Tommy would've liked you and Pa would've been jealous..."

Similarly, Simon confessing all these life plans he had in mind for the two of you, what he'd do after he left the military, how you two would spend the rest of your lives together, travel, and annoy the Cap'n. Maybe. More than likely. OH, and he can finally stay naked all day and sleep in with you. This being said from the bathroom where he's taking the longest piss known to man. Oh, Simon. ❤️

Hand holding. Drunk Simon really loves to hold your hand. Loves to intertwine your fingers and compare the sizes. Gushes about how soft yours feels compared to his. Always talks about how you two "fuckin' fit" and if he could, he'd hold your hand forever.

Drunk texting you like crazy. Even when he's right beside you. Simon wants you to know that he loves you and that your ass is better than any pillow he's slept on. Er, thank you, Si-bear.

Speaking of drunk texting, remember when he let the fellas know he's a missus now? Yeah, he also spoke of the wedding plans. The Cap'n would give him away, Gaz would be the best man, and Johnny would be the flower girl but because he's, y'know, Soap, he'll just spray bubbles or some shit instead of throwing petals. OH, and that he really wants a Spring wedding but whatever color they choose for said wedding, please don't pick the color purple because it's overrated and washes him out. Huh???

After Simon suggests you two adopt Soap, he comes home with a drunken Johnny in tow and introduces him like he just got him. From somewhere, you guess. Simon goes on and on about how you two have to be good "role models" for Johnny as if he isn't a grown man who had good role models growing up. The picture you snapped of them cuddled up together on the couch (that you later shared with Gaz) sleeping the alcohol off was worth it, and Simon would much rather you and Soap not talk about it. Ever. ("What we have is special, Lt.—" "That'll fuckin' DO—")

Simon telling you that, as your missus, he, too, will wear a wedding band. On his cock. Because you love his cock and you love him. OH, and because he won't lose it when he's deployed. They don't call it a cockring for nothing, lovie.

[ghostinthegutter]

MAOMAO'S PARENTS DESERVED BETTER AND I WILL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skyblueartt]

Life's been rough for Henry after all the horrors