#I'm just. spiralling and my brain is being mean.
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roboraindrop · 2 years ago
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I think I'm at the point of Breakdown where I need Warp to come in, pick me up like a football, and carry me to bed ksjdmsjsh
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running-in-the-dark · 4 months ago
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can't sleep (despite new meds + melatonin, boo), so I'm thinking about random shit. like: it's insane to me that I'm totally fine living on the ground floor now. it used to really freak me out. I hated being downstairs when we lived in a house. I always felt watched when I had my room on the ground floor. and every time I visited my dad at his ground floor apartment - where I was on my own except for maybe an hour a day - I had what I now know were panic attacks several times a day. so like, that's pretty crazy.
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blizzardfluffykpop · 5 months ago
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alright~ a few updates about everything! so this weekend I'll be seeing changkyun in chicago- so I prolly won't be posting until after I'm alive again from that 😂😅 (I am vv excited about it- I just know I'll be vv tired when I return home). Anyways, I have a few fics in the works~ one of them that is a request 🤭 I'm vv excited to work on them! But I think I'm going to change my masterlist a bit when I come back. I'm going to retire a few groups from the main masterlist and I've been debating for the past year about it... But I think I'm going to add a yearly masterlist- So it would go from most recent to the beginning of this year~
I'm also thinking about changing my pfp- I haven't been really into stray kids for uh... years- But I will be sure to make an update about that if I go thru with that too- (It may be ji changmin next 🫣🤭)
Anyways those are my few updates 🥰💖
#in general my brain is so muddled outside of talking to my three closest and my mom i'm just... fogged- but god how i want to be#writing rn- i have 4 smuts and 1 fluff in the works (who would have guessed my fluff writer self has moved from not only plain fluff to#angst & smut this year? not me- but i'm happy about it) two are poly aus and the other two are about a certain 🌙~#kate rambles on from here#altho there is another vv big potential fic~ but i'm only counting ones i have lots of progress on-#and then the masterlist thing i've been thinking about forever- hwvr again i do not know if i'll have the energy bc i might be knocked#on my ass for another month after this trip (i'll be pretty much solely driving for 4 & 1/2 hrs there and another 4 & 1/2 back the next day#but the pfp thing has been on my mind for a while too- again idk when i'll get around to it but jinkoh has given me a vv good#idea esp for winter~ with mr. ji~ so i'm sure to have changed it by december~ (unless the change is too much for me- i haven't changed it#since 2018... so i'm kind of attached to it- even tho i don't even bias him or stan the group anymore...)#anyways this is full of me rambling- i could really go on tbh- bc i'm really trying to get my mind into gear- but these are my updates#let's see if i fulfill em- i'm bound to fill the fic ones- but the other two... yeah- we'll see-#kate rambles#blog updates#should i bring babydoll q & juyo to the concert bc if it wasn't for kyun getting me into dominic fike(and being into tbz during stealer era#i wouldn't have been a tbz ult... (outside of some other factors i haven't really disclosed) bc atp i'm vv close to packing them with me#i mean tbh a tbz pc was going- but now i'm 🫣: should i bring them to see the guy from my first ult group that caused the spiral-#that made me get into my newest ult group? (i love this butterfly effect more than i could ever express tbh- even tho i express it often)#anyways if someone actually reads these- i'm bound to bring babydoll q- legally that's my buddy- but juyo?? 👀
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seraphim-soulmate · 2 months ago
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oct 29, 2024
weird day for me a little bit, and all because of a minor issue, which feels silly.
started off ok! was supposed to go grocery shopping in the morning but didn't do that bcs I was spending time researching something I enjoyed (trying to do more things that make me happy), and I was looking forward to my physical therapy session very much! it went really well, but at the end she'd gone a bit over time (which I didn't know) and I wanted to know how thick her yoga mat was, so she went over and told me the brand and I measured it by comparing it with my finger to measure later, but I guess I was taking too much time doing that and so she very politely told me that she was running late already and that she'd like to be able to get off work on time. Which is a totally reasonable request! but it just made me feel really shitty for some reason. It's hard to say what I was feeling and why, I will reflect on this now.
I think in part it's the "oh shit I fucked up" feeling (guilt??) of having to be redirected. Also feeling like I was being rushed and just not appreciating that bcs I was leaving anyways but she told me to leave before I could show her that I was leaving. Realizing something about this situation and my reaction read as "RSD" to me, so I looked it up and indeed. I felt very self conscious and guilty for doing something I felt I had done wrong, but my emotional reaction and duration of that feeling was disproportionate to the event itself. It took me until 8pm (PT ended at 3pm) having a positive interaction with my roommate to turn that around.
But also the interaction with my roommate was interesting bcs it did not start off positively. I had finished a jar of jam that was in the fridge, and it only occurred to me after finishing it that it might not be considered a condiment by some and therefore not a shared item, but instead my roommate's personal jam. So I asked her, and she confirmed it was indeed her personal jam, and either bcs the tone of her voice or just my residual feelings from my interaction with my physical therapist, I felt like I had once again fucked up. But not as bad as with my physical therapist bcs I was going to buy more jam tomorrow anyways, so not a huge deal. Then I realize, "shit. I was only planning on buying 1 jar of jam to replace the one I finished, but now I'll have to buy 2 jars bcs my roommate will want her own personal jar. but I don't eat jam regularly, and I don't know anyone who eats jam regularly enough that having 2 of the same flavors would make sense" etc. etc. etc.
But! instead of continuing to spiral and feel like a shit human being for being rude and inconsiderate and finishing my roommates jam, and who knows maybe she has that jam every day and it's her favorite jam but I just never noticed it move or change in volume since I've been here so I incorrectly assumed it had been abandoned and helped myself to it, and what kind of horrible careless person does that, etc etc etc.
INSTEAD of continuing down that line of thought, I sent her a message being like, "hey, would you be interested in sharing jam or would you prefer your own jar? I never manage to finish mine so it'd be really helpful for me, but I also totally get why someone would prefer to have their own" and guess what. guess fucking what. she's ALSO bad at finishing jams and she's more than happy to share jam with me! And now I'm very happy that I was brave and authentic to myself and my weird thought spirals and that it panned out positively for me!!! And now I can feel closer to my roommate as we share jars of jam! Wahoooieee!
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arcane-vagabond · 1 year ago
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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youremyonlyhope · 8 months ago
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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thegempage · 5 months ago
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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daffythefox · 1 year ago
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^ my tags on a different post wanted to update that they also dmed me asking if i was okay. which means they’ve now triple texted me they’re literally obsessed with me i won the narc crash (is still emotionally devastated)
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icedille · 9 months ago
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the wall of not doing things has been absolutely awful lately and i genuinely have no idea why anymore. like i am just stupid why do i feel like i'm being crushed by a mountain every time i try to focus. what is going on lol
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camellia-thea · 1 year ago
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#vent#time for my regularly scheduled crisis#please hold for a regular lia to return#hhh#the problem with being a student who's rent and groceries are almost their entire living cost entitlement#is that you don't have anything to spare like ever#and add being disabled on top of that is that you cost more than you receive#i just. want small things and to not feel guilty over wanting them.#it also means that. who knows if i'm making rent at the end of this year. i might just. have to go home early again. which. i don't want#just to drop food costs.#and the thing is is that because our groceries fluctuate costs so much i physically cannot calculate how much i am spending#and like. how do i do anything about that? i literally can't#and i just want small things. like being able to get dried cranberries to snack on without my brain screaming at me#for wasting money#i've just. been in a constant thought spiral about so many things for the last month and a half. and nothing has changed or shifted#and i feel like i can't *do* anything about it#i dunno. like. i just want to be able to live without feeling like i am a drain on finances and the people around me#because i cannot fucking do anything.#like. longterm work? who the fuck knows if i'm going to be able to get a proper job where i want to be#and like. yeah i have a foot in the door but not nearly as much as i'd like and not for the things i really want to be doing#and i've had five (5!!!!) *professionals* reach out and then back out as soon as they realise that i actually charge for my services#like. what the actual fuck. yeah i'm going to make you pay me for my fucking labour?????? and it's like. how the fuck do i go on from there#one of these people had a 150k manuscript they thought i was going to sensitivity read for free. like. what the fuck.#and i keep getting excited because i like doing that stuff i enjoy it#and like. in general maybe an extra twenty a week would make the difference for me. that's *it*. but food costs keep being raised#and our living costs aren't raised to match#and the same happens with rent#and i just. don't know what i can even do about it#sorry. this is. just weighing on me#like always tbh.
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s-4pphics · 1 month ago
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the call. I (sevika + vi)
SYNOPSIS: reddit: a place for thought-dumping and being horny [college au] WORD COUNT: 9.5K WARNINGS: this was supposed to be dark but its very crack-ish, sevika and vi play rugby(kinda minor plot tbh), oc is a crazy redditor and wears skirts, STALKING, 90% SMUT MDNI(fingering + phone sex + munching + mult orgasms + dirty talk, tensionnnn) brief mentions of grief and loss bc me, recreational drug use, JUST TOXIC, abby makes an appearance later A/N: WROTE THIS WITH MY BABY!!! @trackinglessons art by lottie my love my light my everything this is a product of #OVULATIONWEEK and the #ARCANETAKEOVER
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r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       3y
no one likes me. 
i [f18] don’t have any friends. at all. i don’t have anyone that’s not family that likes me and sometimes im convinced my family regrets keeping me adound. i just moved cities for uni and haven’t been able to have a valuable conversation with anyone and im starting to think i’m the reason why. to be honest i’ve always been the “weird” one or whatever ppl at school called me. but i don’t think im weird at all. I think i’m nice but ppl treat me like a germ lol they just stare and whisper to each other but i know they’re talking about me
does anyone have any advice on being more approachable? or whatever i’m not even sure what to call it tbh.
kewlio313 • 3y
Everybody’s weird in college! You’re young and finding yourself. Join some organizations and put yourself out there! It’ll work out kid 
     artkiller OP • 3y
     i wish there was a chess club lol 
Margie • 3y
how do you go about approaching people? 
      artkiller OP • 3y
      i just walk up and start talking about myself
      Margie • 3y
      Okay… and what’s their reaction? 
      artkiller OP • 3y
it’s different every time. sometimes they just leave, sometimes they laugh then leave, other times they’re outwardly mean. one guy told me to ‘shut the hell up bitch’ and i immediately wanted to commit a federal crime(not murder)
      Margie • 3y
      Goddamn lol. Maybe u r weird 
miKrophone • 3y
shut up hoe
     artkiller OP • 2y
     ?? :/
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       2y
Advice Needed
how do you know if you’re mentally ill?
hello fellow redditors. lol. i’m finally back… very odd first term i think i got ghosted or whatever it’s called by some dude on the hockey team but yeah i plotted homicide. i’m pretty sure that situation sent me into a spiral. i think im sick. 
i’m not sure what’s going on with me but my thoughts have been really dark recently. not necessarily suicidal or harm inflicting(on myself) but… yeah… prettyyyy dark. idk. it’s weird what my brain conjures up sometimes. i guess im curious why my brain thinks the way it does. i’m not a bad person and i know that, but my brain makes me believe that i am. idk what to do at this point. i’ve never been to a professional and tbh i don’t think i should because i don’t wanna be admitted somewhere lol 
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome back kid. It’s often better to seek help even though it can be fucking horrifying, especially in adulthood. Get help and you’ll be fine
     artkiller OP • 2y
     and if i’m not fine? what do i do then? 
     kewlio313 • 2y
To be frank, I'm not sure. I’ve been through alot and even I don’t have clear direction on life. I’ve been allowing my intuition to guide me for some time. Just try it and see what happens. Rooting for you
     artkiller OP • 2y
     thank you 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       2y
Advice Needed
am i a lesbian?
i [f19] think im attracted to females. i can’t stop staring at their tits. i always assumed my middle school peeping was from jealousy or whatever the hell twitter said but now that i’m grown i think i wanna fuck girls. or like. girl adjacents??? idk the terminology or whatever. 
PetersJoker • 2y
go eat some pussy and find out
     artkiller OP • 2y
     no fuckhead
kewlio313 • 2y
… Girl adjacents? Females? Are you actually 40? 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     is this a dig
     kewlio313 • 2y
     You crack me up. Have you experimented before? 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     i never passed a science class
     kewlio313 • 2y
     … Alright. 
 I meant hooking up. Have u kissed a girl before? Slept with one? Or whatever you youngins say these days? 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     no. i’m not a slut lol i hardly go outside 
     kewlio313 • 2y
Finding out what you like isn’t being a slut. You’re in college for fucks sake. Find you someone to lay with, ya loser. 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     or i should just shoot myself. less complicated then sex
     kewlio313 • 2y
     Maybe so, but they’re equally as messy. 
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Questioning is usually the first sign. Lol
     artkiller OP • 2y
     fuck me
     ButchesForChrist • 2y
     Well
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       2y
what does sex feel like? (wlw)
[f19] just watched scissor porn for the first time. what the fuck was that. (i need it)
MisandristInTraining • 2y
the work of demons aka men
     artkiller OP • 2y
     i drink their blood
     MisandristInTraining • 2y
     Lmao
OnHorseback • 2y
Feels like dying but emotionally • 2y
     artkiller OP • 2y
     i wanna die physically 
     OnHorseback • 2y
     I’m sure some dirty fuck can set that up for you
     artkiller OP • 2y
     lit
kewlio313 • 2y
Welcome to the dark side. 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     flirt a little harder oldhead 
ButchesForChrist • 2y
Ready to come out? 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     of where
     ButchesForChrist • 2y
     Bitch…..
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__
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       2y
home sweet home. 
hello found family. been mia bc fuck school but i’m back… and i think im a sadist. 
does anyone know where rugby originated from? i like watching large women be physical w each other and i wish they would harm me in similar ways. pls push me to the floor and stomp me out(specifically directed to one pink head) i’ve been thinking dirty things all day i need her so fucking bad. is this why ppl r so obsessed with sex? bc of hot people? i get it now. i need her to bend me over and put her cleat on my neck
lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
good morning to u too bitch
     artkiller OP • 2y
     big muscly girls pls rail me from da bck 
     lezziesthatembezzle • 2y
     someone muzzle this thot
Accuntress • 2y
A dyke’s pride and joy: large women. 
kewlio313 • 2y
This is crazily your most normal post. Missed ya. Do well in school
     artkiller OP • 2y
     :3 🩷
[deleted] • 2y
The cards are in my favor 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     would you like to sex through private message? 
     [deleted] • 2y
     What the fuck you crackhead
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       2y
Advice Needed
sex addiction while a virgin? 
is this possible? i shouldn’t have watched ppl with big clits trib. quite criminal. even more criminal when i’ve  imagined the girl i’ve been following around for the past 2 weeks doing it to me
[deleted] • 2y
is this who we are…. 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     obviously. 
kewlio313 • 2y
This is my last straw. 
     artkiller OP • 2y
     hugs xD
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       6mo
i’m confessing. 
idc anymore. i don’t give a FUCK. i am in love. i [f21] am in love. the deepest kind i think. love at first sight truly. it’s the kind of love that’s painful. it kills and leaves behind trails of misery if betrayed or lost. whenever i see her, i cry from happiness. her joy is my joy. her hurt is my hurt. our hearts are forever intertwined no matter the distance. i’m writing this for her. if you ever see this: i love you, darling. there’s not a second that goes by where you’re not at the forefront of my mind. i’ll treasure everything we’ve built thus far, and promise to never take it for granted. i hope to die by your side. 
i love you. i love you so much. 
even if we’ve never spoken. 
kewlio313 • 6mo
Yup… she’s lost it, folks. Very deep sigh. 
     ButchesForChrist • 5mo
     That’s part of being a lesbian. She’ll live. Trust me
“Violet! … VIOLET!”
Why’s Sev always so loud in the goddamn library? The receptionist already has tacks on her behavior chart like some kindergartener. “I heard you! Jesus Christ, I’m sitting right fucking next to you—“
“I wouldn’t haveta fucking scream if you woulda answered me when I asked 3 days ago! Are you coming on Saturday?” 
How does she tell Sev fuck no bitch I don’t wanna go in a polite manner? It’s the first weekend after Christmas break and quite frankly, she's already sick of being on campus. Vi loves her friend to death but holy fuck does she wish she had an off button. 
“Just come the hell on and stop—“
“Dude, I—“
“You know it’s not gonna be fun if you’re not there! Half the bitches are comin’ for you! Plus… I think you could use a fun time after… y’know.” Sevika softens — only a bit, she's still Sevika. Hard ass. 
She does know. At this point, who doesn’t? Her last year of university started on a bad foot when her family home caught aflame with her little sister and father still inside, but the icing on the cake was when her long term, blue-haired girlfriend sent her the can we talk? important text. Now she’s single with corpses for relatives(she thinks her sister would’ve found that funny). Her teammates returned to campus with her; eyes mournful and hearts sunk to the bottom of their stomachs, so prepared to shield and coddle when needed. Sev was one of them: through every breakdown and anxiety attack and hungry but nauseating night. 
“I’m not tryna bring up old shit. You been through a lot and deserve some fun. That’s all I’m sayin’. Get your last bit of jitters out before the season starts.” 
Vi nods. She gets it. Losing her sister was just as much of a loss for Sev as it was for her, but somehow, she was able to ease back into herself. Become… normal again. Socializing takes so much energy outta Violet, now. She’d rather go lift or go sock the shit outta rich person. In some ways, she wishes she had as much willpower as her friend. 
She knows why Sev wants her to go. New pussy, new me, her and Abby once told her, but she’s not in the mood to smash right now. She’ll probably start crying if they don’t kiss both her cheeks before her nose like… Ugh. She shivers in disgust… and extreme longing. She misses her ex like crazy. 
“I know. I’ll, uh, think about it.” 
“M’kay… now what the fuck is epitactic theory.” 
“Girl…” 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       12mi
Advice Needed
how crazy is it to ask for a threesome from two ppl that don’t know you? 
[f21] i’m currently in my campus library watching my girlfriend study with her teammate from my stiff ass beanbag and i need them both like crack. how do i bring intercourse up without making it awkward or uncomfortable? help asap pls
also i might c her this weeknd she’s going out and i wanna go
CreamTeam • 5mi
Wait … so is she your girlfriend or not?? 😭😭 
     artkiller OP • 2mi
     we have a complicated relationship🩷
     ButchesForChrist • 1mi
     Aka she’s stalking her. Scroll down a little
     artkiller OP • 30s
     stay out my business 
     CreamTeam • 1s
     What the fuck
kewlio313 • 2mi
I thought we were better than this, honey. 
     artkiller OP • 30s
     you prob are. im not
     kewlio313 • 4s
     Deep sigh. 
Your phone drops from your jittery hands and into your lap, screen glowing with every disappointed reply from fucking Kewlio who you’ve grown to love. You like to call them a friend. A faceless, emotionally intelligent, oddly attractive friend who you’ve never met. 
The love of your life is right there, as always. Exactly 34 steps away, past the shelves littered with history novels and biographies, sat at the table surrounded by Liberal Arts textbooks and her star-littered laptop. Black jacket, black shirt, ripped black jeans, hair dyed black: that’s new. Still streaked with pink and somehow you’re even more hungry for her. She’s looked a mess recently: beaten and bruised, coming to class with black eyes and bandages across her pretty nose. It makes you wanna burn down the entire Arts and Sciences building with everyone inside of it. 
She’s annoyed with Sevika, you can tell. They’re talking about something. Maybe her sister, rest in peace. Or piss if she sucked. Whatever. A small part wishes you listened a little closer when she talked about Jinx(weird ass nickname, but okay) so you’d know exactly what to ask. She can take out any aggression or sadness on you anytime. In here, outside. You’d drop ‘em for her wherever. 
Kewlio is a dirty liar. You’re not a stalker. You’re a fan, an admirer, a lover. Your girl’s simply unassuming… How the fuck is that your fault? 
She won’t be like that for long, though. 
Vi lost her cleats a few days ago. Her black and blue ones that are worn the hell down and hanging at the seams, but she loves them. Wears them almost every match despite how unsteady they make her on the field. They’re her lucky charm, besides you, of course. 
Her lucky charm found her lucky charms. 
And by found, you mean broke into her gym locker with the code you memorized 2 years ago and snagged ‘em. She should really get those locks changed before someone takes something important. 
The explanation of how you found her cleats exactly? You’re not sure and you’re not dwelling. She’ll be so relieved that you found them that it won’t even matter. Might even drop to her knees and praise you like a God. Is she religious? One of the minor details you don’t know about her. 
But you’ll find out soon enough. No worries at all. 
You wonder how Caitlyn is doing. 
Rabbit holes are either your best friend or worst enemy. Today, they’re straddling the fence. Your brain never shuts off when you're in a crisis. You’re ovulating, overstimulated, and searching for a cure from someone you’ve never said hello to. 
The internet can solve your problems though. Especially if they’re sex-deprived millennials. Their long-term lack of human contact makes for some hilarious stories and useful what-not-to-dos. 
how to finger a vagina 
vagina g spot where is it
where is clit vagina
vagina map
scissoring hacks positions
lesbian sex how to
can lesbians do anal 
is mommy kink a trauma response
Reddit searches are always on your side. All answers to the world at the tip of your fingers. You love the media! Squirting is not pee evidently. PornHub comments are not a reliable source. You should ask your girlfriend if she squirts. 
Caitlyn would know. Fucking BITCH!
how to make girlfriend come
Mansplainer misogynists geeking about making their wives do housework while they sit on their asses and flirt with young Discordians. ‘I clap and she appears’
You should craft a bomb that only targets cis-het men because what the fuck is going on right now. 
how to make girlfriend cum
‘[M48] I’ve never made my wife climax and we’ve been together for 15 years and have 2 children’
Your eyes are fucking burning. Is it bad to wish death on a person? Cursed imagery. Your fingers attempt to salvage the last bits of your sanity. 
how to make girlfriend orgasm wlw
date ideas lesbian
am i crazy quiz
insanity quiz
You’re normal you’re okay you’re literally fine. 
mental illness signs for lesbians
what does dying feel lik
“Ma’am.”
You gasp sharply. Librarian. Fuck oh shit
“Hi. We’re, uh, lockin’ up, so…” 
You’re still at the library. How much time has passed? How many rabbit holes have you fallen into? Where’s your girlfriend? Her and Sev are gone… 
But you know where to find your g-spot! Hooplah!
“Oh ye— Yeah! Uhh… bye.” You stand so fast you get whiplash. Your backpack beats against your back when you adjust the straps on your shoulders. Headphones on, music blasting, and just like that, the world is off and you’re on. Right into the darkness of the city. 
You love a stripper’s playlist in times like these. 
You love Reddit in times like these. 
You walk and walk with an extra skip in your step. Time to drive Kewlio crazy. 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       1s
guys im happy
the joy that i feel rn is unmatched. i love my life. im so excited for the future. thank you god and or universe for these blessings
And post. Nothing could wipe the smile off your face. Nothing nothing nothing you love it here! You love school. You love your girlfriend and her friends and her sport!
“Oof—“
“AH—“
Your back connects with the angles of your hardcovers and fuck you hope your laptop survived that drop. There’s not nearly enough cushion in your bag to cover that fall fuck your life you hate everyone—
“YOU FU—“
“Holy fuckin’ shit I’m so sorry are you ok—“
And your mouth zips. Oh…
Oh. 
Your girl’s in running shorts. Squeezing her thighs good ‘n tight and she glistens with sweat, brows pulled down in concern as she eyes you from above. If the sun was still out, the rays would dress her head like a halo. A heavenly sight. You’d die here… but not before a drop of her sweat falls on your face. You need that at least once. Zooweeema—
“Are you oka— fuck, gimme your hands, up ya go, c’mon—“
Oh she’s talking. And grabbing you. 
Your hands are warmed by skin and your spine tickles when you’re pulled to your feet like a feather. The pain in your back and shoulders don’t fucking matter anymore. Life works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?
“Hi, Vi.” 
“I’m— hey, uh… do we know each other?” 
We love each other actually! 
“No— I uh, sorry! I go to watch your matches and all that. Kinda a fan… Sorry if that’s weird—“
“No no no no, not weird at all. Uh, very flattering actually. ‘Preciate it.” 
You’re gonna fucking pass out. 
“Are you okay though? Nothing hurts, right?” And your knees wobble when a squeezing hand lands on your shoulder, gauging you for pain. No pain. Just deprived. Needy. Desperate. Touch me some more. 
“M good.” 
“Cool…” Her hand drops and you nearly screech like a banshee, “And your name? Sorry bout t—“
You interrupt with yours and she smiles. Nice to meet you, she says with gravel and your heart grows another heart inside of another heart. Holy fucking you’re boutta
“I like rugby.” 
Kill yourself. You’re boutta kill yourself. 
Vi’s eyes widened before nodding in agreement, “Yeah… me too. If it wasn’t obvious enough. It’s a great… stress reliever.” 
So is sex, according to Sexcopedia.edu. Do me. 
“Really? It looks painful sometimes.” 
She sighs with tension, “It is. We gotta lot of aggressive people playing against us so we have to always… do more. I guess, I dunno. But whenever I’m mad it’s great. Very useful.”
“Are you mad often?” 
“Are you studying psychology?” She pins with an arched, slit brow, but her eyes remain light and friendly. It’s funny, she doesn’t appear to be this approachable with her grunge-ness.  
“Nah. I need to, though. Could do me some good.” 
Her laugh is hearty. Genuine. “Shit, me too. Help me out.”
“Do you wanna be my friend?” 
She seems stunned and you don’t know why. Doesn’t banter create friendship? Whatever. Fuck it. She can say no. You don’t care. You still got her shoe—
“Gimme your phone—” 
Your heart drops to the floor, through the concrete, right into the center of the Earth’s crust waiting to burn and cease to exist. She’s got you figured out. You’ve been exposed and she’s gonna fry you in the middle of the damn street
“—I’ll put my number in.” 
… Oh.
You meticulously make sure your notis are deleted and OFF before handing her your device with the keypad on display. Her fingers are pretty and nimble. Flexible with how slender they are. Pretty hands. Pretty, blue veins and you're instantly reminded of her ex. You hate the color blue. 
She hands your phone back, “That’s me. Hit me up when you get… wherever you’re going. And lemme know if I need to cover your medical expenses for spinal cord surgery.” 
You laugh. Really fucking loudly and she flinches, but smiles after. She’s so fucking cute! Is this flirting? 
“Y-Yeah, I will.”
Her head tilts fondly, “Cool.”
“Cool.” 
She gives you one last look before plugging her earbud in to continue her jog. You check her contact to make sure it’s real and fuck you have her fucking number! Fuck fuck fuck fuck
You leap like the happiest frog in the pond when she’s out of your line of view and a sharp pain whips through your shoulder blades. 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       3mi
lads i just got proposed to. spring wedding in sweden
number collected. so it begins. 
kewlio313 • 48s
Christ help us all. 
CreamTeam • 10s
Ring pics. 
     artkiller OP • 3s
     cawk ring pics***
     CreamTeam • 1s
     Should’ve fuckin known. I hate you genuinely 
Tumblr media
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       30s
when’s a good time to text the girl you’re obsessed with? 
[f21] soooo i’m laying in bed lookignat her contact and idk what to do. i’ve fantasized about this so many times and now its in my lap… im so used to shit going wrong that idk how to react to it going right. it’s kinda late but i really wanna talk to her but idk she might be sleep or whatever. 
should i scale her building and check if she’s awake? :(
Vi doesn’t know why there’s a pit in her stomach. She sits on her teammate’s fluffy rug with a smoked out Sevika who patiently waits for her green light, but it hasn’t come. She feels an oncoming breakdown and she needs a babysitter just in case. 
“Finish this for me?” A roach floats in front of Vi’s face before she pushes it away. 
“No.”
“Buzzkill.” 
Sev and Vi sit in silence for 12 seconds before the roach is stolen and hit by the latter. Sevika snickers. Vi drops her head on the couch and exhales her worries through clouds. Stressed, anxious riddled, maybe not the best headspace to get high but fuck it. 
“Whatcha thinking about?”
She shrugs, “Everything.”
“Talk ta me. What’s happening.”
Vi’s face burns when her mind plagues with you. Your giant bifocals and smudged mascara and acrylic-stained hoodies. You had a backpack on… Could be a student here. You might be a freshman. Vi hates making assumptions about strangers but you seemed a little… 
Immature? Your eyes were too shiny to be a senior. 
“You’re gonna laugh…” 
“I’ll always laugh at your stupid ass,” She snickers. “What happened, though, seriously.” 
Wafts of smoke curl around her words, “I almost bulldozed a girl earlier.” 
Sevika scrabbles to her knees with a slack jaw, “WHAT THE—“
“Oh my fucking god can you be normal for—“
“BITCH BULLDOZED? WHAT THE FUCK FREAKY ASS BITCH—“ 
“NOT LIKE THAT!” Vi scoffs, “I went on a run and bumped into her! Fucking WEIRDO!”  
Sevika slumps back on her ass, clearly disappointed, “… Oh.”
Vi tends to the roach until her fingertips burn, stubbing out the burnt paper on Sevika’s ashtray. When she looks up, she finds a very intrigued looking fox. Here she fucking goes. 
“She hot?”
Vi’s sigh is littered with agitation at her friend while she laughs, “I hadta fucking ask! Tell me! She smell good?” 
“I don’t fuckin’ remember! We talked for like… 2 minutes!” 
“2 is enough time to check her out. Show’a hands, how fat were her tits? Like this?” Sevika mimes holding watermelons that are too goddamn heavy and Vi cringes. 
“You fucking disgust me.” 
Sevika relaxes back onto her elbows, legs extended in front of her. Her brow quirks when she catches Vi’s gaze drop to her waist, “Meh. You like that about me.” 
“Sometimes. Not when I’m in a crisis.”
“Meeting a girl is a crisis now?” 
“Yes! I don’t fucking know, she was…” 
Honestly, Vi’s unsure how to describe you. 
“Does she at least go here! You’re not giving me shit to work with.” 
“I DON’T KNOW—“
“DON’T FUCKING YELL AT ME—“
Vi groans with her palms in her eyes, “She just asked to be friends. She told me she watches us play and that she’s—“
“Back the fuck up,” Sevika raises up again, “Do you not see what’s happening here!” 
“…” 
“You’re actually fucking stupid, wow,” She scoffs, “You know she set all that up, right?” 
“… What in the fuck are you talking abou—“
“She ran into you on purpose! She’s a fan bitch!” Sev reaches for her phone on the coffee table, “What’s her Instagram?” 
Vi whines, “I don’t know—“
Before Sevika can cuss her out for the 40th time, she bursts, “I GAVE HER MY NUMBER!”
“… Did you get hers?” 
“…” 
“BROTHER—“
“Shut up! I’m not… I don’t flirt! I don’t know how, not anymore! She caught me off guard honestly.”
“What's her name?” 
Vi sheepishly mumbles your title; it’s slimy the way it curls on her tongue. You were so nice and now she’s setting you up to be pestered by her best friend. 
It’s silent for 3 minutes, only the pittering of Sevika’s fingers on her device while she hunts for you. Another 4 pass before she tosses her phone in annoyance. 
“You sure you weren’t hallucinating? Nothing’s poppin’ up.” 
“You’re so annoy—“
WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK, WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK
Vi’s phone screen glows gray with an unsaved number across the top… One with their area code… Sevika watches the number scroll like a hawk. The smile that grows on her face is crooked. And knowing. 
It’s 11PM. It’s not you. It couldn’t be you. 
“That’s your ringtone?” Sevika snorts. 
“Shut up.” Why’s she so anxious all of a sudden? Her sweaty palms aren’t enough to stop her from reaching for the device, though. 
She answers and puts you on speaker. 
“Hello?” 
“…Hi. It’s me.” 
Sevika’s brow lifts in questioning. Is that her? She mouths and Vi nods. Her eyes roll when her friend whispers, cute voice.  
She’ll never say, but Sevika’s presence re-energizes her. Makes her a little more playful, so she teases, “Me who?” 
A beat of silence passes before you start mumbling to yourself, “I’m gonna fuckin’ throw up is this the wrong per—“
Sevika’s hand flies over her mouth to smother her laughter while Vi coddles you; laughs that she’s joking and that she was waiting on your call. Her cheeks burn when her teammate throws her an accusatory look. 
“Do you mean it?” 
“Mean what?” 
“That you’ve been waiting on me?” 
Before Vi can answer, Sev raises up onto her knees and mimes fucking somebody from the back, face slack with faux and exaggerated pleasure. She ignores the sinful jolt in her tummy and flings a throw pillow right at her face. 
“Yeah, ‘course I was…” 
And then it’s silent again. Her muscles freeze with every deep breath you take over the phone. Sevika waits expectantly, talk to her, she says with flapping fingers. 
“Whatcha up to?” 
“… Uhh… nothing?”
Your laugh is featherlight, “Are you asking me?” 
“Maybe?” 
Sevika’s had enough of the tomfoolery. She wiggles over and hits the mute button with a heavy slam. Leans in close while she whispers, 
“Dude, she’s tryna fuck—“
“No, she isn’t—“
“Yes she is, dodo, did you hear how she was talkin’?” Her tone heightens in pitch, mocks seduction, “You were waiting on me, baby?—“
“H-Hello?” Your mumble is drenched with insecurity. Sevika doesn’t give a fuck. 
“See?” She nearly screams, “She’s DJin’ right now—“
Violet shoves her back before unmuting, “Sorry, m’here…”
“… Was it a bad time to call?” You’re quieter now. Ashamed sounding. Embarrassed. 
“Not at all! Sorry, I was smoking earlier, makes me lose my train of thought.”
“It’s okay…” 
“You make it home safe?” 
“Mhm. I was about to fall asleep but then I remembered to call, so…”
Vi catches her smile before her friend can bully her for it, “So, you called…” 
“Yes,” said excitedly. She can hear your smile. Very puppy-like. Cute. Vi jolts when Sev starts snoring obnoxiously fucking loud. She flicks her forehead. 
“Is someone there with you?” 
Both their eyes widen. A sharp hand raises to slap Sevika, but she flinches before it lands, “Sorry. Just my stupid ass roommate.”
“Hi, Sevika.” 
You’re oddly calm…. But why wouldn’t you be? You had no other intent for this phone call other than keeping your promise. They still share a look though; a brief flash of intrigue and skepticism. How’d you know…
It’s not pondered on for long by Sevika before she sings, “Hey, sweetheart.” 
You sound like the wind has knocked outta you. “H-Hi.” 
Sev singles for Vi to pass the phone over to her. She obliges with a hard stare, “I was just passing through, but while I’m here, I gotta couple… questions. That good with you?” 
“Yes.” 
“Good. You single?”
“Mhm. For forever, sadly.”
“Great. Are we at the same school?” 
“Duh. I’m at every match. We’re, uh… graduating together if everything goes as planned.” 
So definitely not a freshman. Just when Vi thought it was impossible to finish college without a chip on your shoulder. You seem to have made it through just fine. 
Despite Sevika’s reputation of being cold-hearted and abrasive with wicked flirtation skills, she speaks to you like you’ve been in her life for years. Gentle. Inquiring. She lays flat on her stomach with her feet kicked up behind her, “What’s your major?” 
Tumblr media
“Architectural engineering. What’s yours?” 
“You’re so smart. ‘M doing mathematics. You should tutor me when you getta chance.”
“Sure. Just lemme know when. I’m always in the library, so.” 
“Well, what a fucking coincidence, so are we! You coulda dropped by and said hello if that was the case.” 
“I’m trying to do that now… Am I doin’ okay?”
“Just fine actually. Aren’t you sweet.” 
“I taste sweeter.” 
Sevika drops the phone on the plush rug beneath them. Sits upright with urgency. Gawks at Vi whose jaw is nearly in her lap. There’s hardly any air in her chest. She squabbles for her phone and ensures that the volume is all the way up. Holds the device right in between them. 
“… Swear? I don’t think that’s possible.” Sevika hums at you, holding her roommate’s gaze while her tongue traces over the dryness on her lip. 
“You could find out… Both of you can if you wanna.” 
“‘S that easy?” Sevika rasps, and Vi flinches when her breath hits her mouth. Leans in a bit closer to feel more on her face. 
“Why do you sound like that?” Vi huffs at your genuine curiosity. You’re so fucking cute, fuck. 
“Because you’re turning me on, hon,” Her gaze washes over Vi and her skin burns with trails. “Both of us.” 
“Oh… cool.” You exhale unsteadily. They can’t help but laugh at you. “Cool?” Vi repeats. 
“Yeah. Awesome. I’ve never done that to someone before.” 
“You a virgin?” 
“Yup.”
“FaceTime us.”
“I have a Samsung.” 
Both girls explode into laughter, “We’ll call you, then, Jesus—“ Vi sends an eager finger towards the small camera before you mumble, 
“Who says I’ll answer?” 
Sevika tuts, “You don’t wanna watch us kiss?” 
“I’d rather watch in person.” 
Sevika throws Vi a look and she’s instantly reminded of Abby. Usually, that glance — filled with an equal amount of tenderness of filth — is shared between her teammates and she’s forced to endure whatever nonsense they plan to take out on somebody together, but now she’s here. Sevika’s including her in such a sacred ritual. She’s suddenly skittish, “You’re killing me, baby. Whatcha doing this weekend?” Sev quiets, timbre amorous. 
“Playing Overwatch.” 
“Fuck that shit. Come to Kappa on Saturday. Everybody’s goin’.” Sevika snips down at Violet, and she whines while her fingers dig into her roomie’s tank top. A little closer, and they’re kissing. Just an inch—
“What’s Kappa?”
Vi giggles, “House,” Sevika mumbles against Vi’s mouth, “Frat house. Right off 16th. It's bright blue, can’t miss it.”  
“‘K, I’ll go. See ya there.”
“Wh—“
Three dial tones break through the smoke in the air before the screen goes dark, both girls left stunned and… very tempted to track your location. Maybe pop a titty for your RA in exchange for your room number. Wouldn’t be the first time…
… Is that too much? 
It could be, but you didn’t hesitate to drop bomb after proposition, and the selfish part of her heart can’t help but think you wouldn’t mind two ravenous strangers at your front door. The knowledge that they’d give you everything you needed would be enough for you to allow them entry. 
And the way Sevika’s staring at her… Craving, but careful. She’s so patient. 
It’s been such a long time — two years since they’ve had any physical connection. Drunken nights, quickies in the locker room showers— the distractions from grief were all put on the back shelf when Vi got into her relationship. Sevika’s a sleaze, not a homewrecker — most times, so she kept her hands to herself out of respect, no matter how many times Violet would catch her staring where she knew was off limits. 
Vi can't get to you, but she can get to Sevika. 
So she yanks her close, dissolves the space between them as their mouths collide with heat and a newfound ache for you in the middle. Sevika’s just as rough as she remembers — pushes her down so her back molds to the floor, entangles a cinched hand in her hair to pull and expose her neck to the attacks. She’s got blotches and teeth marks on her throat — the unrestrained and possessive and her stomach flips. She gasps at the ceiling when her nightshirt shreds under a forceful hand. 
She hasn’t had the heart to have sex in months — propositions were turned down on dozens of occasions because her mind couldn’t focus on enjoying. Every second of euphoria gets overshadowed by hollow, unforgiving guilt. 
You sparked something in her with your forwardness, that curiosity that left her aching to read your mind. Her best friend, too, evidently. 
Every movement is fast. She crawls down her torso with intent — fangs sharp where they leave blood down her sternum. Vi’s fingers pry Sevika’s shirt off, her tongue separating from her waist for mere seconds before reattaching. An eager hand fondly moves her friend’s hair out of her face. 
You want it? Sevika’s eyes read. 
Yes, I want it, please. Vi says aloud. Eager with a twisting hand in her scalp. 
Sevika sends waves through Vi with every wrestle her tongue devotes to her clit. She can’t think of anything but Sevika and you and both of you at the same time; on top of her — you sat on her face while Sevika’s fingers drove inside her. She wants her tongue inside you; unrelenting and feverish until you scream and soak her tongue in your sweetness. 
Sevika eats like she’s hungry. She eats like she misses having her like this and that wounds Vi up tight; it sends shockwaves down her legs. Makes her twitch, but Sevika forces her still with a tight grip on her waist. 
Vi curses with fluttery eyes when a finger — then two, circles around the entrance that aches for a stretching. 
They’re heaven sent when they push in. She’s getting fucked like she’s hated and she loves it. She deserves to feel like nothing; her walls are selfish where they encase the digits that bring her to the sun, massage against every sensitive ridge just how she needs. Her mouth spills with whatever energy she has left within her; slurred and drooled fuck yes yeses. She can barely conjure a warning when her core locks tight, right before she explodes. 
There’s wetness everywhere while she pulses through her pleasure, thighs squeezing around Sevika’s head with every satisfied moan that vibrates on her clit. Tells Violet to give her more and to take it take it take whatever she gives her like she knows she can. 
It’s not until Violet starts sobbing and Sevika’s mouth is dripping wet that she pulls out and separates from her completely. She kisses her pussy gently before shifting to help unlock Violet’s knees. She shivers with every peck that’s trailed up her torso to her chest to her neck. 
Sevika laughs when Vi does, choked and clogged, but elated and genuine. It’s been so long since her body’s felt this light. 
“You needed that. Ya look better already,” Sevika cackles. “Can you stand?” 
“Fuck off, gimme a sec.” Vi shoves playfully at her chest. 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       3s
guys. 
i love being a liar. it makes me feel alive never let a bitch tell you lying is wrong it literally makes life so much easier!! wishing everyone a good night. 
everything’s going as planned. just one more tally on the board and we’re set
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       20mi
Advice Needed
it’s been 24 hours and my girl who’s not my girl has been texting me nonstop. 
[f21] hello. im in a crisis but a good one? if that’s possible. long story short im in love but not dating the girl im in love with yet. i took some of y’all’s flirting advice and i think it worked. im betting my life that yall do witchcraft. i barely said anything to her and now she won’t me😝😝😝 and tbh… i think her friend won’t me too!!!!! she’s always asking about my day and asking if i ate and if id wanna eat with her but i always decline bc im not ready physically mentally like i’m gonna combust the second she walks up to me i barely survived our first interaction…… but her friend invited me to a party tomorrow night…….. wtf do i wear to that i’ve never been outside before LOL
might get a train ran on me…… WE’LL SEE FRIENDS 
adding her undies to the shrine🩷 yaaaay
CreamTeam • 14mi
bro is she your girlfriend or not? It’s been years at this point. 
     artkiller OP • 12mi
     yes i mean no or yes :)
kewlio313 • 7mi
Wear something that you wouldn’t wear to your parents funeral. Good luck dear 
     artkiller OP • 5mi
     i would whore out if my family died
     kewlio313 • 2mi
     Good God. 
What does genuine happiness feel like? 
You’re unsure how long you’ve been on your beanbag, but Violet and Sevika have been laughing since you sat down. They’re so relaxed around each other, content with silence. Accepting of failure. 
You’re not a jealous person at all. Far from, actually, but something furies from within whenever you see them — or people, in general, gleeful; the desperation to feel. You haven’t had the privilege. Maybe that’s why you cling to whatever you have with Vi. She has birthed a wanting inside you. A desire for connection after spending decades comforted by the sound of your own voice. Or comments under your posts. 
Violet makes you happy. And Sevika might, too. Just as long as she doesn’t get too close to your light. 
You’re standing right behind Sevika. She can’t see you, but Vi can. Her fear is swiftly overshadowed by delight. She greets you with a smile that makes your heart throb. 
Sevika’s gaze wanders down to your legs, that remain exposed despite the weather, 
“You’re not cold?” She asks. Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, but that makes you giddy. Vi must tell her about you! 
“Yes,” You say with ease, “Y'all should come to my room. It’s warmer there.” 
Vi nods after gawking, 2 books immediately tucked to her chest with her bag on her back. Sevika just laughs. She gets it. You like that. 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       1s
Advice Needed
how do i mentally prepare for sex? (virginity)
literally fucking freezing walking to my room rn with two burly butches that i want to throw me around and i think they’re going to bc they’re not talking to me but the y are very close i don’t want them to see my screen guys im about to have a threesome pls fucking help me
“Cute room.” Violet says, inspecting your horror movie posters and stuffed animals. 
“Thank you.” You smile. 
I hid the 14 polaroids of you that I had taped to my door. Hope that makes you more comfortable! 
“It’s just you in here?” Sevika chimes, eyes glued to the small bed up against the wall, right next to your PC setup. You should ask if they game afterwards. 
“Yes.” 
Violet takes her jacket off and hangs it on your doorknob. 
“Already takin’ off your clothes?” You plop down onto your freshly made mattress. Both girls look very stiff in your space; Is that normal? Maybe they’re nervous. 
Both girls laugh the same. “Not like that. It is warm in here.” Sevika follows in Vi’s lead, removing her hoodie and her undershirt is squeezing her and yup those arms are still there those muscles are popping out yup yup yup—
“Yeah. I can’t sleep in the cold.” You pat your bedspread for them to sit… and they do. On either side of you. Vi brought her notebook and pencil. Sevika brought her heavily ringed hands. 
She scoffs, “Me neither. Immune system is worse than a newborn’s.” 
“Do you get sick easily?” 
“Yes. I just got over it last week.” 
“Damn…” 
“Almost got me sick,” Violet pins playfully, skimming through her pages. She erases before rewriting. So so so so smart; too bad both her answers were wrong. You’ll show her the way soon enough. 
“Coach would hate me. Her star pupil’s under the weather, what ever shall we do,” Sevika mocks and you both chuckle. 
“The season starts next week. Y’all nervous?” 
“No—“ “Yes—“
“I’m nervous for games, not practice,” Vi corrects, “I can’t find my fuckin’ shoes.” 
“What shoes?” 
“My cleats. My sister got ‘em for me a while ago, wear ‘em every match for good luck. I don’t remember where I fucking put them though.” 
“Aww, ‘m sorry.” 
Sorry for keeping them in my closet. 
“S whatever. Just gotta get new ones.” 
Small talk is boring as fuck, but it continues between you and Vi. Sevika’s quiet as a mouse; every glance in her direction is met with hooded eyes. She’s very focused on your nightstand drawer. Can she see what’s inside it? You hope so; Maybe your unworn thongs will motivate them to move this along. 
“Awww! Wait, you used to play soccer?” 
You already know all this. It’s on her fucking Instagram for fucks sake! 
“On the junior team when I was like… 10! I was—“
Trash. I kept tripping over the fuckin’ ball—
“—And forgetting to tie my shoes. It was a hot fucking mess!” 
Yup. Same as the caption. 
The laughter between you finally quiets. You count 12 seconds in your head. You raise a hand to place it on the Hello Kitty bandage directly under her eye. 
“What happened here?” 
Sevika’s breathing is very calming. 
“Got in a fight,” Vi mumbles. Poor things embarrassed! “Got socked in the eye.” 
“Sorry,” Your hand rests in your lap, “Did I hurt you?”
“You’re good… still stings though. They gotta good one in.” 
“How’d it happen?” 
“Don’t remember honestly.”
“Oh okay.” 
The conversation ends. Another 12 seconds. 
“So… Did you guys fuck after I hung up?” 
Sevika smiles and Vi chokes in shock. They’re so different. No wonder they’re so close. 
“I— sorry, thought we were studying—“
“Who said we were gonna study?” You stare at Vi quizzingly. 
“No one did. We mighta fucked.” Sevika shrugs nonchalantly. 
“Oh… was it fun? Whatever it was.”
“Ask her.” She nods in direction of the girl whose face is beet fucking red. How cute! 
“Vi… was it fun?” 
Her eyes droop to the pencil in her hand before flicking it nervously. 
“… I guess.” 
“You guess?”
“That’s what I said.” 
“… Okay.” 
Vi sets her book and pencil on your nightstand before releasing a stuttered sigh. 
“Tell me what happened if ya wanna,” Softness wafts off your tongue. 
Vi swallows, “I… uh…”
“Mhm?”
“We… I didn’t…”
“I gave her head til she cried.” Sevika whispers right in your ear; tickling against your lobe and you’re suddenly winded. Vi’s legs twist until one crosses over the other. 
Gave… Oh…
This isn’t new information. You’re 79% sure Sevika was Vi’s first kiss… or you heard something like that in passing, so why does the sudden confirmation make you wanna hide? Curl into your blankets and shield yourself from both of them? 
“Oh… fun.” Your face burns underneath the skin.
“Very.” 
“Yup…” 
“You’re shy now? After all that?” Sevika almost laughs when your eyes drop to the floor. 
“It’s uh, easier to talk when no one’s actually there.” 
“We coulda been if you’d answered the fucking phone.” 
“… Sorry.” 
“It’s okay, baby.” 
Sevika’s captain of the team for a reason; a leader by nature and Vi allows her to despite her anticipation. She's much closer now, the respectful distance she kept up upon arrival now completely shut, her shoulder touching yours, nearly straddling your leg. 
There’s a light tickle on your thigh; Sevika’s index finger barely grazes the skin exposed beneath the hem of your skirt. 
“You’re so stiff,” She whiffs tender against your neck and you choke a noise. 
“I’m … ‘mscaredtobreathe—“
“Don’t be scared,” Sevika’s whole hand caresses your knee, eases you into her, all while Vi mouths at your neck. “Here, wanna know a secret?”
You release the air in your lungs, “Sure…” 
She’ll never tell, so I will. Your head bobs so encouragingly. 
Vi told me something after she showered that night. 
With every buttery brustle against your shoulder, Vi’s hands gently attack wherever they can reach; the plush of your hips, on your thighs, grabbing at your tummy over your hoodie that takes up too much fucking space for her liking. You can’t stop squirming with every taut pull at the pit of your stomach. 
I was sitting on my bed and she came in, and she smelled so good. I was trying to roll up again, but she took my tray and put it on my dresser… 
Roll up? Tray? What what what the fuck is she saying—
And she got on her knees in front of me… and she looked so fucking cute just staring up at me like that, like she’d do anything to make me happy… She’s sweet like that if she’s in the mood. 
She said ‘may I practice on you, please?’… And I said okay… So she pulls down my underwear and treats me so well. You wanna know who she was practicing for? 
Yes, yes, please—
It was you, baby. She kept telling me how good she wanted to make your first time. 
A strained noise chokes from your throat, and Vi smiles against your ear before her lips close around your lobe and it’s too much they’re too much—
Uh huh, and her tongue felt so fucking good on me. Almost impressive… and she loved every second of it. 
Please… please, I’m— 
Listen to that, Violet, she’s so fucking cute, isn’t she?
So sweet, too. Bet she tastes so fucking good. 
She’s so hungry for you, baby, Sevika coos at you, Gonna stop teasing and give us what we want? 
You agree obediently — desperately, with every thrumming cell you can use at the moment. 
Vi’s benign hand rests on your cheek to turn you towards her before kissing you softly. A gentle peck before she pulls away. It’s overstimulating; Vi kissing and touching you like you’re made of glass while Sevika sucks large bruises on the side of your throat. Your nails dig into the muscular thigh that hardly shakes at your grip in attempts to ground yourself, but they fail because you’re about to faint. 
Your sun kisses you deeper, holds your face tighter to keep you where she needs to tongue at your lips. You’re trying to keep up with her, to use the muscle like she uses hers, but you’re falling behind. They don’t seem to mind, satisfied with the fact that they’re gonna devour you regardless. 
And when Vi lays you back nice and cozy against your pillows while Sevika kisses all over your face, you know you’re fucked. 
Sevika and Vi take turns kissing you. 
It’s a messy and uncoordinated mess of teeth and saliva, mainly because of you, but you like it. You love it. You hope they do, too. The warmth of their bodies beside you resonates deep in your core. Whenever one of them pulls away, the next is more than open to take her place, over and over. Your thighs are already shaking. 
Your hoodies raised up thanks to Vi’s wandering hands, tucked right above your rib cage. Your stomach jolts when a feathery finger teases at the band of your skirt. 
“You ticklish?” Vi mutters against your cheek. 
“… Nope.” 
“Yes—” She swipes the same finger against your exposed skin and you jump with a giggle, “you are. Liar.”
“Fuck you!” 
“Yeah… I really, really want to.”
She doesn’t give you time to think of a response; just kisses you one last time before climbing onto her knees. Meanwhile, Sevika’s struggling to get comfortable in your bed. She’s essentially on top of you, both her legs wrapped around one of yours. 
“Fucking — small ass mattress! I forgot how much I hate these!” 
“S-Sorry! Couldn’t afford anything else — mmh!”
Sevika reconnects your mouths while the bed dips beside you. Then there’s lips on your tummy. 
Laughter explodes outta you; Sevika can’t help but laugh into your mouth while Vi nibbles at your pudge. Her grin glows on your skin before her tongue glides on your hip. Her attention stays there; sloppy noises from above and below, your gasps swallowed with every bite Vi gives you. 
You hardly register her pulling your skirt down. You’re just colder. And fuzzier in the head. Sevika breaks away to ask, 
“How wet is she?”
Huh— oh she’s not talking to you yup yup—
“Come see.” 
Sevika rises from position and you’re even colder. When she whistles at the spot on your underwear, your thighs squeeze shut… for 000.3 seconds before she pries them open again. 
“Stop I’ll fucking cry—“
“Cry about what? That’s so fucking hot. You’re so cute, baby.” 
“Bro I wanna die—“
Sevika rolls her eyes, “Bust one last time at least, damn.” 
“Can we make it quick please I’m already on the verge—“
“Of cumming?” Sevika purrs.
“Of suicide—“
Vi’s in hysterics. You shouldn’t be this fucking funny. She watches you and Sevika go back and forth with tears in her eyes. 
You bite, “Wonky ass foreplay—“
“I’ll strangle you—“
“I’ll like it—“
Both of you are fucking stupid. Neither of you notice Vi tugging your panties down. She almost starts drooling at the sight of your pussy. Swallows down the lump of saliva before it can drip down her chin. You’re wet and throbbing and pretty and you smell like heaven. 
You gasp when two curious fingers separate your sticky lips; strings of slick cling to Vi’s digits. Sevika watches with an insatiable hunger.
“What do you like?” Vi whispers, and you shrug. 
“I dunno, I’m new here.” 
She rolls her eyes, “I mean what do you do when you touch yourself? 
“I don’t do that.” 
“Never?” Both girls exclaim. 
You shake your head. “I tried once and nothing happened so I just ate spaghetti and went to bed.” 
“Were you wet?” 
Vi’s forbearing with her inquiries, but still, you’re on the fucking spot and you might start sneezing from anxiety. They’re too patient with you; Maybe you’ve been misreading how they were in bed this entire time. You were expecting them to be knuckles deep in every available hole by now. 
You’ve never been so nervous, and for you, that’s saying a lot. “I don’t remember, it was years ago.” 
“You’ve never used toys or anything?” 
“I… No.”
Sevika stares at Vi, and Vi at Sevika, and you at the wall. 
Your thighs twitch when velvet nuzzles at them, Vi’s voice deep as the ocean. “I’m gonna try something, tell me if you like it and I’ll keep going… okay?” 
You can’t formulate a response but your head bounces in approval. A finger applies the gentlest of pressure on your clit and you expel a wheeze. 
“Okay?” Sevika hums from above you, a hand easing underneath your hoodie to massage your breast. 
“Ye-ah—“
“Sit up for me, honey,” She whispers and you obey so she can creep in behind you, your back resting against her chest. Both her hands rub at your chest this time, her fingers massage your nipples while Vi strokes your clit in slow, teasing circles. 
“How’s this feel, babe?” 
“G— good! Great… h-hooray?” How do pornstars dirty talk so eloquently? You’re literally fucking dying right now. Sevika laughs to herself in your neck and your chest burns. 
“Yeah? And this?” She utters right before pressing in, flicking you from side to side and your core squeezes tight. You’re dripping and she watches so closely. 
“Oh fuck—“
“There she is, good girl, just feel what she’s givin’ you.” Sevika rasps against your shoulder. 
You are feeling and it’s too much for your body to comprehend. Your brain’s never been this focused on one thing. On one feeling, especially one this enjoyable. It’s so good it’s so good you love your fucking girlfriend—
“Tell me when you’re gonna cum?” Vi says against your soft skin
“Uhh…? I— oh god—“
“Getting there, baby? Feel how tight you’re getting? I can see it.”
2 ragged inhales and your eyes roll back and your jaw slacks and your nose tickles oh shit—
“Yeah, yeah, give it to me, c’mon—“
ACHOO!
Your thigh squeezes shut when euphoria overtakes your entire system; thighs clamping shut around Vi’s wrist while she giggles and rubs out your pleasure with ease because she’s stronger than you. Your initial efforts of staying as silent as possible were in vain because you’re squealing your little head off. Sevika rests back on her hands and watches like a hawk while you thrash and clench and leak all over her roommate’s hand. 
“Good job. Felt nice, hm?” 
You struggle to nod because you’re still cumming so hard and her fingers won’t cease on you. Your thighs stick together with your wetness. 
“I’m still eating you out, you know that, right?”
Your whines of approval sound wounded. 
You couldn’t see it, but when Vi finally pulled her hand from you, slurping noises swiftly followed, alongside Sevika’s hums of satisfaction. 
Mentally preparing for your burial. 
Vi might be obsessed with you. 
She’s back in her original position between your thighs — with Sevika this time because she’s greedy — and fuck she’s never been so antsy to give head. She loves it and she loves getting it even more… at least she thought so. The aliens could come crashing down from the clouds and her first focus would still be getting you to soak her face. 
You’re fully undressed now, minus a sock; its twin slipped off some fucking where but she couldn’t give a fuck. She’s so desperate to touch you again. It plagues her mind; stuffed with everything that she’s learned about you thus far. You sneeze before you orgasm for fucks sake that’s the cutest shit ever —
Can I?
She’s asking you and you’re whispering yes, please and fuck you moan so pretty when she first glides her tongue on you. Sevika allows her to ease you into the feeling, but she stays close enough to see every drop of slick that glides on Vi’s tongue. You’re so noisy and she loves that. All she can think about is how loud you’d be with your face in her pillow and your hands behind your back while she —
Vi! Violet! I’m cumming again! 
You’re a fucking dream. An insane fucking freaky ass dream. 
If anyone were to walk past your room right now, they’d be appalled at the ruckus that permeates through your space; sloppy sucking noises and encouraging praises and dehumanizing name calling that makes you grind your hips faster. You’re nearly riding her fucking face. 
Vi wishes she could see you in entirety; memorize every thrust and wriggle you give into her face, drowning her in your scent and juices and everything she could ever want in this moment. You’re exactly what she needed; a pliant distraction. You turn her mind off so easily. 
Sevika’s greedy and selfish as she raises one of your legs up with ease. You fall back onto the mattress with your back arched to the skies, a cracked wail squeezing from your lungs when another tongue smushes against your clit. Sevika sucks hard at your clit when Vi’s tongue swirls down to meet your entrance. The eager muscle wastes no time to shove inside and catch whatever bursts from you. 
She moves on autopilot; eases one finger past your pulsing heat and your legs start to shake. The digit curls deep inside, plunges into you with vigor and determination to get you there, hits a spot that almost lands her a kick in the back of her head, but she catches you; curls an arm around your thigh to keep you still. 
And the night — or afternoon or morning, none of you remember, continues like that until you’re drained completely dry and your body contracts from memory. 
Hours pass when Sevika and Vi finally start tonguing each other down for your viewing pleasure, and it starts all over again. 
r/AskReddit
u/artkiller       1s
2 butches are sleeping next to me rn… 
never let a hoe tell you to stop following your dreams. i’ve been following mine for almost 3 years and now they’re sleep next to me…. 
#HAPPYPRIDE
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byfulcrums · 9 months ago
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been rewatching rtte
toothless is called T multiple times, but the letter T doesn't exist in the alphabet of this world
i think hiccup was also called H???
hiccup went to the wedding of the man who tried to kill him and his family multiple times. no wonder he thought he could change drago's mind
snotlout is canonically a theater kid
"you're so small and cuddly" "please never say that again"
the twins are really smart, but they're also just stupid
hiccup straight up disappears when he's working on something
heather had a super noticeable crush on astrid
fishlegs got a love interest!! a plus size main character actually has a cool, badass love interest!
it was super hetnormative but it was cute
there was an island full of flying women who were implied to regularly commit cannibalism
hiccup taught all the riders how to fly with toothless, that's so sweet
everyone is a flat earther except for the twins
hiccup almost directly killed a lot of people
and killed a LOT more when destroying their ships
“scalding– cal..ding--" "toothle, plama bla!" was pretty much the funniest part of the entire series
dagur was bullied as a kid by a guy 8 years older than him who literally tattooed an imagine of him beating up little dagur in his arm??? What was that all about
actually we need to talk about how messed up everything about dagur is and about how the things that could've/did happen(ed) to him may be the reasons why he's Like That
just why was he imprisoned by the outcasts??? he didn't do anything to them directly
oof my brain is spiraling. "he loved you" "ig now we'll never know" what do you mean he didn't know if his dad loved him
there's a technically musical episode
tuffnut became hiccup's defense attorney and immediately got him the death sentence
hiccup regularly jumps off cliffs
he also jumped off a boat, with his arms tied and without toothless. just where did he think he was going
snotlout's annoying attitude is actually because spitelout pressures him too much and he feels like he has to be perfect for his dad :((
THE 'HICCUP'S EVIL MIRROR' VILLAIN THEME DONE RIGHT YESS!!!
viggo is the best httyd villain change my mind (you can't, swords at sundown, you may bring backup but i will win on my own)
skrill comeback skrill comeback SKRILL COMEBACK!!!!
"COMEEE TO DADDY"
what is a boar pit???
oh my god i had missed this series so much. it has no right to be this funny
this was my childhood. it has forever shaped the way i am
berserker heather the unhinged >>>
actually good disability rep! yay
hiccup complains about his peg leg pinching him
he straight up cannot walk without it and it is shown many times
"well, there are the benefits of a metal leg" after it got caught in a bear trap
funny moments, like snotlout trying to steal it to use it as a weapon
the jokes!! toothless laughing at the jokes!!! hiccup being so fucking done with the twins, who are always making the jokes!
there's an episode where everyone is so sleep deprived they actually start spiraling
astrid becomes a happy go lucky girl, hugs snotlout and tells him he's handsome
the fucking mood swings snotlout got were insane
the twins were straight up just hallucinating
"i sent them to wash their dragons, how could they mess that up?" cut to heather falling on her face with a bucket full of water in her hands
fishlegs becomes so paranoid, he's yelling at everyone all the time
"don't you know the trapper's trap can trap the trapper?? ...oh gods, i must be losing it, i'm quoting dagur"
YOOOO VALKA!!!! it's so nice to see her
hiccup tried to murder dagur to stop him from getting to toothless, which is scary bc it shows just how far he's willing to go for his bff, but also funny because hiccup. that was not going to work
oh the hiccstrid slowburn, how i have missed you
the twins's made up language
there was a beach episode turned murder mystery and a musical episode held at gun point
hiccup has a whole little speech that he periodically gives astrid to remind her that the twins serve a purpose
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afterthedreamer · 2 years ago
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mezz-merizing · 8 months ago
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i think a lot about the "brain hacking" aspect of mind control
i don't just mean tech control and brain chips and stuff, although those are super fun!! but it's more like... the idea that you can exploit the human brain is just. on my mind frequently imagine if one day we discovered a visual pattern or something that could totally hijack your mind. like it just tickled all the right neurons that it triggered some sort of cascade and broke you wide open, leaving you suggestible and pliant
i think a major reason this is on my mind so often is because it's the sort of thing that would be LITERALLY impossible to resist. like what are you gonna do?? for a psychological process you can struggle, hold out, fight, but for a neurological process you just. snap. gone. there's also this clinical aspect to it, where you're sort of treated like a machine; a bundle of neurotransmitters that can be sparked in a way that's just proper, and then reprogrammed
so basically i just get sooo weak when inductions use this kind of language. even if it's complete nonsense it just!! it calls forth this imagery when a spiral is described not just as a focus but as a stimulator or something like that, and when its mechanism is described. hell, it doesn't even have to go for the neurological stuff- isn't it really really hot and squirm inducing when you're being TOLD how you're being hypnotized? like the opposite of covert stuff, when the hypnotist is just calmly explaining to you all the complex things they're doing to your mind and you're just too zoned out to even clock that you're being put under control
(also hi!! i'm posting again :D thanks to everyone who's still hanging around ily!! send me asks abt things and i'll have fun answering them!!)
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timkontheunsure · 2 months ago
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What Blitz regrets
Interestingly most of Blitz's memories are more accurate with people's expressions than Stolas' in all 2 u.
Here's how he remembers the fire.
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He see the imp lady and Cash bookit passed him. Then the pink horse cuts across him.
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Then him seeing Fizz and trying to direct help to him.
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Next is him trying to get to his Muma
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Then we get the aftermath of the fire. (Screaming face made of flame).
Cash grabbing Blitz by his freshly buried wrist to hold him in place to hit him. Immediately blaming him for an accident. His mom just died and his dad did this.
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Then blocking access to Fizz, shoving Blitz away. Before lying that he never visited, and that Blitz deliberately set the fire, isolating and scapegoating Blitz.
Moving on to Ozzie's which is large part of his film of his regrets and envys.
Fizz hating him on sight.
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And Verosika too.
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oh but he missed Stolas getting up to try to defend him from her.
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Blitz also focuses on his putting his hand away from Stolas trying to comfort him
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Though you can see Stolas miss reads his expression right before. When Ozzie showed his daughter hating him, and had people side with his abuser because she was 'cheated on'.
Stolas being sad when the only thing they have is Stolas wanting to fuck him.
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They are both forced on this bit. That they don't have a relationship where they talk and cuddle, because it wasn't a real date. He made sure of that.
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(never say never Mr too much Imp to simp)
Stolas giving him the crystal and asking him to stay. Definitely shows the crystal is huge sore point for him.
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Stolas was more focused on how surprised Blitz was.
Stolas walking away from him as Blitz yells that he'll apologise to everyone else. But never him. If he hadn't said the previous 'fuck you' making Stolas think he gave him a fake reason for blowing up at him, Stolas would have understood.
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Stolas singing the line "I don't think you ment to hurt me, because I don't think it meant a thing at all to you"
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Oof that must have hurt.
"This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp... Me? How could anybody". Oh he regrets not believing Stolas cared for him.
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And regrets missing his chance to comfort Stolas. (Blitz failed a QTE).
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But ok big big difference here! Blitz has definitely misunderstood. Stolas' isn't crying.
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He's edited out what a mess Stolas was here. Like he's forgotten how drunk he was..
And Stolas kissing the twunk is a perfect match... Oh that got seared into his brain didn't it.
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Pure envy
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Blitz so badly want that kind of romantic relationship
Barbie telling him he's ruined her life, and she never wants to see him again. (Just going to sob in a corner here).
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And Loona. Both times are fights about being really family.
Loona: Oh, what does it matter?! You're not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!
Blitzo: It still counts!
Loona: Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't, now
Blitz needs to be needed by the people he loves. Otherwise he thinks they're leave him
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Blitzo: Oh, Loona, my sweet baby girl! I'm so sorry, I'll never replace you no matter what you--
Looks like he still worried that she hasn't really forgiven him for saying he's replace her.
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Blitz isn't just talking about Stolas here. He thinks if he's bankrupted IMP Milli, Moxxie and Loona will all leave him too. Spirals to rock bottom in this one.
So glad Millie could help pull him out.
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ssentimentals · 5 months ago
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seventeen members as love tropes: choi hansol
forced proximity
'coincidence? baby, they don't exist'
'so, what's your name?'
you blink, turning around to face the guy with who you got stuck in the elevator. he is now comfortably sitting on the floor with his knees tucked closer to his chest, leaning on the wall. the look on his face has zero traces of nerves or anxiety, he's opening bag of chips with a small smile on his face, looking at you like what is happening right now is absolutely normal. is this how an average day goes for him?
'you think this button is broken?' you ask instead, turning back. you push at 'call' button again but no sound comes out. 'we can't actually be stuck here with no connection to the outside world, right?'
'it happens quite often.' my god, so you were right, this is an average day for him. 'but no, this button works, we just need to wait a little. maybe these guys are out somewhere.'
'out where?' you ask, turning back to him. smell of chips starts filling up the cabin and you try to concentrate on it instead of thinking about being stuck here forever. 'should i just keep on pressing that button?'
your voice gets caught in your throat because the guy looks at you with... you don't know what. his gaze is piercing and it's like he's looking right at you, within you, in your soul. it's unsettling, especially when it comes from someone that handsome. in all three months since you moved into this apartment complex, you only met several families and few kids here and there, but never this guy. your brain unnecessarily reminds you that right now you're standing in front of a really handsome guy in old washed out t-shirt and pj pants, while he's at least dressed in jeans and sweatshirt.
'i'm hansol,' he says suddenly, breaking your thinking spiral. 'your neighbor from the forth floor.' he then pats a space next to him: 'come sit? i think it's more comfortable than standing.' you open your mouth to argue when he adds: 'i'll be the one pressing that button, no worries. just come sit down, yeah? you can meditate that way better, no?'
your nose scrunches in confusion. 'meditate?'
it's time for hansol to look sheepish. 'isn't this what people do when they start panicking? i mean- i am not implying that you are panicking right now, but you look pretty worried and i thought- shit, you are not panicking, right? there really is no need to, i promise we will be out of here in no time. i thought if you can sit and mediate then you can-' he shuts up, noticing his rambling and how your eyes grow only bigger with each word he says. after a second of hesitation, he stands up, grabs his chips and comes over to you, shoving them in your direction. 'here. chips.'
there are a lot of things that you can say or do, but your mind chooses to grab offered snack and silently move to where he was sitting. hansol seems to approve, as he smiles a little and leans with his back on the opposite wall so he can still look at you, while insistently pressing the 'call' button. 'so.'
'yes?' you raise your head, slowly munching on the chip. it's salty taste helps you stay here in the moment instead of disappearing in the anxiety.
'i feel like it's my fate, you know? to get stuck in the elevators. like god is trying to tell me something through it, you know? like i don't get stuck just because, i get stuck for something. and then i think-'
it takes you five seconds to realize that hansol is doing this on purpose. he is distracting you so you won't panick and this gesture is incredibly sweet for a random stranger. you're not sure how much time passes, because hansol's storytelling is fascinating (and a bit weird, but in a more 'not ordinary' way than bad). you don't notice how your spine is not rigid anymore, but hansol does. he notices how you slowly relax, hold his gaze more and eat chips more actively. he notices how corners of your eyes crinkle when you smile and how cute you look with confusion written all over your face. in truth, he has no idea what he is even saying, but he can't stop, can't let you remember even for a second that this stupid elevator is not working. his thumb is numb from how strongly he pushes on that 'call' button but he ignores it in favor of staring in your eyes, catching every emotion that sparkles in them. you are cute and you don't even realize it and that makes you even cuter.
'hello? is someone there?' when static voice cuts through, both of you jump a little. 'apologies for this horrible inconvinience, elevator will start working in few minutes. are you alright?'
hansol takes a look at your surprised face and half-finished bag of chips. 'yeah, we are all good.'
pang of regret slashes through him when you hastily stand up and cheer, when cabin finally starts descending. shit, he didn't even manage to learn your name! when elevator door opens, hansol reaches out for your hand and is pleasantly surprised when you take it with a smile, rushing out with the cutest little 'whoop!' he saw in his life.
'i think you are right,' you suddenly speak, making him look up. 'what you said about you getting stuck in the elevators meaning something? i think you're meant to help people like me.'
i think i was meant to meet you, he wants to say but doesn't. instead what comes out of his mouth is: 'you owe me.' at your confused expression, he points at his snack. 'chips.'
'oh. oh!' you exclaim, getting flustered. 'of course, i will-'
'-and your name.' he adds, making you freeze. he watches understanding dawn on you and smiles. 'and your favorite drink. so i would know what to buy for you.'
it's bold. not exactly his style, but his head-to-mouth filter is not working anymore. for a second he thinks he overdid it, but then you blush (so prettily), then smile (so, so prettily) and he knows he didn't mess up. when you step closer and introduce yourself, hansol knows he not only didn't mess up, but also won something out of this whole situation. (and he doesn't know it yet, but this big win? it's your heart. it really is).
a/n: guilty for having this trope as my most favorite one!! and who is better than hansol to write this for, am i right? - nini
my other works are here
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