#I'm just more focused on the psychological torment
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Pillows and blankets fucking me all the way up
#masterpiece of an episode and emotionally devastating on all counts#i had to have a frozen strawberry daiquiri on hand just to cope#they like each other so much they would hit each other with pillows forvever......FOREVER....... inconsolable......#I don't think i will ever be over troy calling abed a magical elf like man and then TWO EPISODES LATER sending the no one will ever have my#patience with you text#LIKE . i can absolutely sympathise with Troy's perspective as equally as abeds so i i get where that text came from but FUCK.#we're all magical elflike man until we're never going to have another friend again. even to a troy. but THEY LIKE EACH OTHER SO MUCH THEY'D#HIT EACH OTHER WITH PILLOWS FORVER AND THAT'S ENOUGH . EVEN IF THEY'LL NEVER QUITE SEE EACH OTHER THE SAME AGAIN#something's shifted and they still love each other so much just on a different level now#there's something about the childlike naivety of pre pillows and blankets. they just had each other and they didn't see anything beyonf that#HE WAS STILL A MAGICAL ELF LIKE MAN TO TROY#and now they're flawed to each other and it's all more real and more grown#THEY'RE CLOSER BUT THEY'RE NOT CLOSE IN THE SAME WAY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME#LEVAE ME ALONE DON'T TOUCH ME#i drank that daiquiri really fast okay😭 this is supposed to be a sitcom#alexprobablytalksshit#this episode is also very funny btw. on the comedy front#I'm just more focused on the psychological torment#community
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The conclusion
Depends in its entirety
On the story you tell:
The rise and fall of a species
Or
The joy of a little life, the only one you get, lived and enjoyed, no matter its historical backdrop
The comfort and warmth of connection,
Subjective experiences like
Loving and being loved
Accepting yourself and living in the now,
Cherishing only what is here at this moment
Every life must end, after all
And so, perhaps, must every civilisation
Is it a story entirely of arrogance, greed and hubris?
No; it is a story, also, of people devoting themselves to finding a solution, risking their careers, livelihoods, even their own lives
Forgoing easy answers and complacent vicissitudes
Whatever happens, know that it was not about one single thing;
It all depends on the story you tell
#my poetry#thoughts in my head upon reading that we broke 1.6 degrees#climate crisis#climate collapse#i guess the psychological term for it would be cognitive framing#i can torment myself with mental narratives of how we're All Bad and such#but that would be not only squandering the one life i get#but it would also be objectively false#stories are how we make sense of the world#and how we make sense of the world depends on the story you tell about it#god i'm in so much mental pain#my climate anxiety has always been just.. way out of proportion to my own sense of self and importance#because of my childhood and being traumatised and emotionally neglected#i guess focusing on what makes life worth living makes it all a little more bearable#generalized anxiety disorder#living with anxiety#climate anxiety
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Cursed By Zazzerpan To Take Webcomics Too Seriously
(page 472-483)
8/14/2009 Wheel Spin: Captchalogue Lore Verdict: Just Captchalogue, No Lore
8/15/2009 Wheel Spin: being silly :3c Verdict: Slimer Pogo Ride – Inherently Silly
The imps have STOLEN John’s clever disguise. >:( How could they do this. Aren’t their jester hats costume enough. When John says ‘they’re mucking up all my cool stuff!’ he is right and justified in being mad. What little control John ever had over his living environment has now been completely obliterated, the imps (and Rose) running rampant and using his home as their own personal playground.
Speaking of Rose, I was deeply struck by her total lack of regard for the monetary worth of a piano. Those things are expensive, and they’re not a standard thing for a house to have either! But this is not the first time Rose has thrown an expensive musical instrument around, as shown by her violin antics (p.236, 395) being more of an annoyance than a risk to a delicate possession. Knowing how rich her family is really explains why her response to destroying John’s house is a casual ‘Oops.’
We also get another moment of Rose dismissing John’s problems as not especially serious on p.478, when John says he was ‘hoping to avoid nanna and her spooky ghost cookies’ and Rose says ‘that does sound dumb.’ I know that Rose is speaking from her personal experience, but from an external reader’s perspective, if I am going to take it seriously that Rose’s mom might be an alcoholic and that Dave’s brother might be psychologically tormenting him with puppet tricks, then I am also going to take it seriously that John could have genuine trauma surrounding food. If he’s been forced to eat beyond his limits or eat food he doesn’t like all his life, that could definitely lead to a negative relationship with food, even if John’s dad and nanna are baking for him as an act of care.
EB: i'm not sure what came over me there, i was acting really crazy for some reason. EB: but my head feels like it's clearing up, i think i'm alright now.
This is the line that’s had me scratching my head and clenching my fists all of yesterday and today. I’m truly not sure what the intended tone is – if this is meant to be a joke, or a leading question about how exactly the control panels and possible time loops work, or a setup for a possible future where John does something really bad while being mind controlled by the Vagabond, or just a way for the author to justify any potential future out of character moments. I think I am biased towards reading this story in a serious and realistic way, and I think there’s lots of other valid ways it can be read, but from my personal reading this is existential horror, and more affirmations of John’s complete lack of free will and – importantly – his steadily growing awareness of this. I think a big part of his character progression so far is going from the vague and uncertain ‘something feels missing from your life’ to slowly being able to put words to his problems.
We actually learn a fair bit more about the rules, game logic and progression of Sburb in these pages, which I’m planning to lay out in its own post in the next few days. In contrast, we get no new information about the captchalogue and strife systems – it really feels like John’s passed that level now, and is able to do these things in the background without it interrupting the narrative. The same thing will probably happen with the imps after he’s got a few more kills.
I can’t figure out how to score points in the game on p.476 where we do sick pogo ride tricks as an imp (my high score is 551?) but I love it narratively. In the game we are definitely controlling the imp directly – there’s no indication that John or Rose have any hand in the imp’s antics - but in the text below, John is still addressed as the second-person ‘you’ and the line focuses on John’s own history with the ride. I like the suggestion that the imp is doing the same dangerous stunts that John once did, and the idea that there’s some parallels between John and the imp – both low level entities who are fundamentally at the mercy of the greater forces of Sburb, both clowns wearing disguises through circumstance instead of choice.
Anyway I am politely requesting that John check out the punch designix for real now.
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but on a tangent almost completely unrelated to that last post of mine i do find it very interesting how wildly the characterization of Slenderman changes from person to person. i don't just mean slenderverse vs creepypasta here, i mean... well, everything. but i'll mainly be focusing on slenderverse, here.
this is partially why i wish people explored the slenderverse beyond the popular video series' of it, but i think it really is worth considering each depiction of Slenderman, especially ones that drastically vary from the 'norm' that we may think of when it comes to the character. take the blog JustAnotherFool (which, while now only available via the Internet archive, is something i highly recommend giving a read!), for example. there, Slenderman is portrayed as this horrific, spiderlike creature who wears a fedora and rips people to shreds himself. it's completely the opposite of almost every proposal of Slenderman i've ever seen in the context of the slenderverse - he's not a silent observer, nor a commanding authority. he's a beast. he's angry.
even in popular slenderverse webseries', he changes a lot. for example, in Marble Hornets, he's a, like i said, silent observer. although he brings so, so much devastation to these characters lives, he doesn't seem to have all that much investment in them. it's a matter of hopping from one to the next to the next to the next. it's about spreading. now, compare this to mlandersen0 or everymanhybrid, where Slenderman actively seems to almost delight in tormenting these characters, for presumably, as long as he possibly can. he is an active force in these peoples lives. everything he does to them is so deeply, deeply personal. he goes so far as to maul someone who was abusing Vinnie in the Fairmount timeline. why? well, the text says it itself. "the man doesn't share."
there's also the humanization of Slenderman, like how i mentioned above, where he seems to have some sort of psychological capabilities to him. he is choosing to do this. he is choosing to hurt people. which is deeply, deeply sinister. a horror that wants you to suffer, specifically. a horror that knows what it's doing. a horror that does it all simply because it can. but there's also blogs and series' where he's portrayed as nothing more than a stupid animal, or some sort of infection. where he runs on instincts, a need to feed or to spread, and nothing more. which is also quite disturbing. a horror that does it all simply because it can do nothing else.
this is all, of course, only really scratching the surface. and anyway, i don't really know what point exactly i'm trying to make here. but, i guess this is a good conclusion to end on: please don't be afraid to stray too far from popular depictions with your portrayal of Slenderman! and please look into more slenderverse media that isn't simply MH/EMH/etc! it's good stuff!
#originals#speech#slenderman#slenderverse#marble hornets#everymanhybrid#mlandersen0#horror#sure that can go in all of these tags#oh yeah and#justanotherfool
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imo it's not so hard to accept that SWM takes place after the prank. I mean it is canon so too bad but it makes complete sense to me. there's no evidence the prank was some big life-altering character development moment for any of the characters involved and that they all learnt their various lessons. in fact we see that they don't. in SWM the marauders are clearly still tormenting Sev. In Sev's conversation with Lily post-prank he's still just as obsessed with the marauders and exposing their secrets as ever, if not more. he doesn't consider what lily's saying at all because he's too focused on his hatred towards them.
my hc is that sirius (rather masterfully) used reverse psychology on sev to get him to go down the willow. Sev isn't stupid, he wouldn't have let himself willingly be led into a trap by his worst enemies. I think Sirius probably "let it slip" and then "backtracked" and acted like Snape wouldn't be brave enough to go down there anyway and that he should just forget it. I doubt Sirius directly told him to go down the willow, I think cleverly he told him not to, knowing that Sev would do so anyway (not that this makes a difference ethically bc his intent is still clear, but anyway. this isn't about who is morally better because idgaf honestly lol, I'm just trying to work through their mindsets)
the marauders received no real consequences for the prank, so why would they learn their lesson? Objectively you can't really punish someone for telling someone not to do something if they do it anyway. Not particularly fair, but still. Which brings me to Sev's responsibility in the matter (which yes, does exist imo) we're shown that he was obsessed with finding out what the marauders were up to and particularly obsessed with Remus's secret. Yes, this is understandable given how they treated him, but absolutely not healthy and he still chose to go down there, whether out of pride, greed, curiousity, vindictiveness. He obv was manipulated but there's a reason he was so easily manipulated. As I said previously, his obsession with revenge is what causes him to be blind to lily's feelings.
James rescuing him wasn't some moment of epiphany about how bullying is bad actually. It was just a fundamental part of James's character already. He would never have let him die regardless of how he felt about him.
All of this makes SWM the PEAK moment of hatred between Sev and the Marauders, which explains a lot of their responses. Sirius and James hate Sev more than ever for trying to expose Remus. Sev, justifiably, hates them more than ever for trying to kill him (and he ropes James into this, which is incorrect but understandable in his position)
James "deflating his head" probably wasn't just based on one event in particular. He just grew up and learned what was more important- being a good person, fighting against voldemort. But Sev also had growing up to do of his own during this time. As I talked about in in this post yesterday I think post-swm Sev was beginning to realise that his lack of control over his emotional responses (calling lily a mudblood out of humiliation, for example) was dangerous both to lily and to himself.
Yeah they still hated each other and attacked each other in seventh year. There's too much bad blood there to do anything else. I've talked about the dynamic between Sev and James here and how that might have developed as they grew older. I honestly find it extremely interesting, I could go on about these two for hours rip. My point is that the development of these characters into adults wasn't instant or linear, it was messy and rough. people don't usually change overnight, it happens slowly over time because they have to.
#anyway another day of me writing walls of text about severus snape#i just saw a discussion about it and people were saying it made no sense for the prank to come before swm#but it does tho#also pls i'm not interested in who is a more terrible person. i love all my children equally#(earlier that day: i don't care for remus)#im jk. kind of#severus#meta#long post#sorry! lmao this is just very present in my fic rn so i have a lot of thoughts
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Destinytober24: Day 17 - Fragmented
...it might have been a nightmare.
Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there
It's dark and the air is thick with moisture. That's the first thing the Drifter notices.
There are frogs and draperies of moss-like vegetation. The water sparkles, glowing. Wait. Is it water?
No. That's not water. That's Radiolaria.
The Drifter looks around, his eyes adjusting to the gloom. There's angular stone protrusions all around. This is definitely Nessus. The malachite green glow of Soulfire appearing down a nearby tunnel causes him to rest his hand on Trust, but moments later he relaxes because it's just Eris.
"Hey, Moondust," he says as she steps out of the tunnel. She doesn't answer him. This is not unusual, but her complete lack of reaction is a bit odd, as though she didn't hear him. Eris Morn has excellent hearing. Usually she will sigh or make some other dismissive noise to acknowledge him if she is purposely focusing her attention elsewhere.
"Eris?" The Drifter asks. She turns to the side, examining the wall.
The Drifter walks over to place his hand gently on her elbow. "Hey, Three-Eyes, whatch'a doin'?"
She stills at his touch, tilting her head. "I miss you, Rat," she says, her voice suffused with sadness.
"Well, good thing I'm right here."
"Would that you were," she speaks dispassionately.
"No, seriously, I'm right here, lover." He reaches out a hand to brush his fingertips against her cheek, not minding the coolness of her paracausal tears sliding along his skin.
Her three eyes dim and she leans into his touch. "You feel so real." There is pain in her voice. Sorrow.
"I am real, lover, I'm literally standing in front of you touchin' your face."
"I had thought the pyramid on Luna bringing back my dead fireteam to torment me was the greatest psychological torment that could be inflicted upon me. But this… you here now… the physical ache of your absence, the memory of your touch, the longing to hold you again… this is worse."
The Drifter stares at her in confusion. A nessus frog splashes into a pool of radiolaria behind them.
Eris catches her breath. Before him in the dim lighting black diagonal lines appear on her face and body, like long parallel cracks.
"The end then," she whispers.
"What?" he asks.
His throat clenches in horror as the black lines along Eris' face begin to widen and slide against each other, splitting her apart, fragmenting her slowly in front of his eyes.
"Would that I were with you…" Her voice is becoming more and more distorted. "I did not wish to go through it alone."
He reaches out shaking hands to try to push the pieces of Eris Morn back together, like squaring a messily stacked deck of cards. The pieces of Eris slide against his fingers and move farther apart.
"No," he whispers. He grasps wildly but the pieces of her are slipping, breaking into even smaller slices.
"I loved you, Germaine." Her voice is barely recognizable. "Why did you leave me behind?"
"Eris!" He screams her name as though if he is loud enough it will solidify her identity and knit her back together again.
The pieces of Eris Morn collapse into a heap on the ground at his feet with a sound like broken dinner plates. Her Ahamkara bone hovers a moment in the air, whole, before it, too, falls down with a loud crunch, shattering bits of her with its landing.
The Drifter sinks to his knees and grabs the orb in both hands. "Bring her back," he says, his voice trembling. "I don't care what it costs, you bastard! Bring her back! I wi-"
The Drifter feels himself violently lifted up in the air and slammed into a wall. The impact makes a metallic, hollow sound. His vision goes white.
He blinks.
It's still very bright. A cool hand rests against his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans against familiar fingers.
"Germaine." Eris's voice. Her normal voice. Not distorted. "Can you hear me?"
He blinks again. Nessus is gone. There's no frogs. The bright lights are in the ceiling on the Derelict. He's staring up at them. He is lying on his back on the metal grating of a hallway floor.
A shadow interrupts the brightness of the lights above him. Three green eyes peer down at him, unbound. The scars around her eyes flex and shift. Eris' mouth below them is twisted in concern. Small short tendrils of hair dangle down like fingers.
The Drifter laughs. It is a painful laugh, tinged with hysteria. He begins to sob and tears well up in his eyes.
"You're ok," he rasps.
"Yes," she says.
"And you're alive."
"I am."
"And I am too."
"Yes."
She helps him to sit up. He rubs the back of his head. There is blood. He looks around. He is wearing a loose clothing for sleeping. Eris is kneeling beside him, wearing one of his shirts. It comes down to her knees. Both are barefoot.
Her glowing orb is in the corner across the hall. He looks at it in concern and back at her.
"Was I…"
"Attempting to make a wish, yes. I hope I have not overly harmed you. It was necessary for me to act quickly."
The Drifter glances around and his eyes rest on a bloody splotch on the wall. He pulls his fingertips from the back of his head and looks at the blood on them, then at her, and nods.
"Thanks. Has it… Has it ever done that before?"
"It has tried. It has never succeeded to such an extent in the past, but it has only ever really had myself as a potential victim. I will be renewing the warding. Perhaps my protections have become weakened over time."
The Drifter nods and leans against Eris. Whole Eris. Not split into pieces. Not left to die alone. He pulls her close and nuzzles his face into the scars along the side of her neck. She smells of wet earth tinged with vinegar. He focuses on her breathing and his own, her warmth and the feeling of her skin against his own.
Tactile. Present. Real. Grateful. Alive.
Link to the entire month's worth of prompts on Ao3, posted daily.
#destinytober24#destinytober#destinytober 2024#destiny 2#the drifter#eris morn#ao3#fanfiction#writing#fragmented#nightmare#drifteris#imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese#cs member writing#moonrat
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XERO, I JUST WATCHED THE NEW LAES AND SAMS EPISODES-
I FEEL SO FED- OH MY GOODNESS, I KNEW, THE PEACE WOULDN'T LAST-
The creator is officially making his move!!!👀 I smell the Lunar Angst already-
It also opened up the interesting question of limits! How far can Lunar go? They seem to think, only a bigger wave of electricity is taboo, with wind and light zaps being fine, but are they correct?
Earth's security protocol is honestly terrifying, hearing her talking so sweetly while beating someone up- I'm honestly so happy, that they're focusing a little more on their robotic sides, it's so interesting!!! You have infected me with robotic brainrot👍
AND MOON, OH GOD, MOON- He's losing it!!!
I've seen people think he dreamed, which is likely! Personally, I Interpretated his actions as hallucinations! Walking around and yelling at air, punching the ground!
Either way, he's going through pure psychological torment, the poor guy, and I'm honestly afraid for him!
On a more positive note: the Ultrakill crossover cracked me up- Imagine Gabriel losing to fingerguns- I adored the art you did for it even more!
-Stardust
RIGHTTT!!!! It's been a long time comin' honestly, and he said he'd take what he wants the hard way if he has to!! And with the limits on top of it all, yea!!! I can see their reasoning for how they're working with stuff right now but I can't help but think about how explicit Gemini was about no powers and it's like bwah!! nervousness forever!!!!
AND THE SECURITY PROTOCOLS IKRRR the joyful tone vs the fact she was beating the shit outta that thang.... AND YEAHAHGDE THE ROBOTNESS !!! I love it when they are machines hooray!!!! ^_^
AND MOON YEAH OMS THAT'S BEEN TRIPPING ME UP FER A MINUTE NOW.
I've both seen theories it was a dream(< what I assumed too), a hallucination, or maybe even some Forkface fuckery! I feel like, knowing the shows, any of the above could be the reason so ultimately yeah, whatever it is? it is fucking him UP!!! Whenever Moon gets choked up it's like an immediate +50 emotional hit to my heart HDKSJDK
AND GABRIELEJAOXJD I KNOW I'M STILL NOT OVER IT. The way he turned his back on Lunar like he was pouting fuckinf KILLED MEEEJAKAJDKD
#asks#anon#stardust anon#AND THANK YOU I HAD TO DRAW IT OR ELSE ALL OF MY BONES WOULD HAVE EXPLODED HAKDJAJD#OH WAIT ALSO THO#fer the tlaes ep#lunar's model number is L3NA....#which. as one of my qpps pointed out. would be read as 'LENA'#which is so fascinating to me???? and also made one of my friends joke that lunar was actually transed off screen before we ever saw them-#-and thats their deadname HAJAHWKX#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#lunar and earth show#the lunar and earth show#tlaes
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Haunting Adeline: Naraku and Kikyo Contemporary Dark Romance?
I usually avoid talking about books I didn't finish because it feels unfair to judge them without reading the whole story. I can't help but share this dark romance novel I saw on Amazon. I've stopped reading "Haunting Adeline" FOR NOW because the intense and dark topics in this story are too much for me at the moment. As someone who has a strong imagination who will be the characters in the books I read on Kindle, this one unfortunately gave me multiple headaches, my jaw dropped several times, and it even made me feel a bit nauseous.
Last year, after going to a book writing event where readers recommended "Haunting Adeline," I decided to pick it up. I remember a lady mentioning it was an intensely dark romance about a male character STALKING the female lead. A really unhealthy obsession!
They reminded me of Kikyo and Naraku's toxic unhealthy relationship! Maam, I was in one of those moods you know? My brain is like... "Bring on the drama! The darker, the better!" I don't mind if this book was set in contemporary. My mind just went...
"Toxic obsession? Stalking? Sounds like my kind of party! It's NarKik. Yay!!!" 😂
So, I got the e-book and started reading it at home. And guess what? It turned out to be quite DIFFERENT from what I was expecting. Here's what happened.
I'm 65% of the way through this book, so I can only give half of my opinion about it since I haven't finished yet. I'm also not sure when I'll read the rest.
Both "Haunting Adeline" and the relationship between Kikyo and Naraku are about really unhealthy obsession. No doubt about that! But the stories and situations around that "obsession" are totally different. Haunting Adeline is a contemporary dark romance novel focusing on "disturbing obsession" of a stalker, (Zade) towards the protagonist (Adeline). Their relationship is explicitly shown as a dangerous game of cat and mouse. Adeline is terrified…BUT some readers have a problem with the fact that she's also drawn to the person holding her captive. The book shows how much Adeline SUFFERS mentally (psychological torment) and how the line between being scared and having a weird kind of attraction gets blurry in this contemporary setting.
Kikyo and Naraku's relationship in the anime "Inuyasha" is different. Their connection is all about Naraku is trying to control things and desire for power. The way Naraku is obsessed with Kikyo isn't like a normal love story. It's NOT romantic, okay! Their relationship isn't really a direct cat-and-mouse chase. It's more about Naraku's manipulative actions that HAUNT Kikyo and drive much of the plot. (Haunting Kikyo…hmmm!)
Zade's obsession in Haunting Adeline:
It is set within a dark "romance" framework.
Exploring themes of control
Stalking
Disturbing attraction.
Naraku's obsession with Kikyo in Inuyasha:
It's more like a need for revenge and control that comes from where he started.
Hungry for power.
Stalking (a little bit)
Sadistic
While both Haunting Adeline and NarKik involve unhealthy obsession, labeling "Haunting Adeline" as a Contemporary Dark Romance of Kikyo and Naraku oversimplifies the distinct contexts and nature of their relationships. Haunting Adeline is a dark romance intense story. Some people might even think it makes stalking and obsession look romantic in modern times. On the other hand, Kikyo and Naraku's relationship is complicated and more about Naraku being a jerk who wants revenge and power. Not really a love story, even a dark one. Just saying.
This is what I honestly think. Though I like Naraku/Kikyo toxic ship, I don't want to make "Haunting Adeline" sound better than it is. If any Naraku/Kikyo fans reading my blog are thinking about trying "Haunting Adeline," they should know what they're getting into.
Even though my brain fully understands that this book is decidedly not a 'NarKik' dark romance (…and probably has way less demonic scheming and shattered Shikon Jewel shards), I still can't help but imagine Kikyo and Naraku as the characters in my head. I know it's crazy. I mean, it's way more entertaining this way you know! Haha.
Soooo….if you're a NarKik fan and don't mind what happens in the story and you wish Naraku and Kikyo were in a different world (since they really hate each other in the actual anime)… then go ahead and read Haunting Adeline! You can chat with me on Goodreads. I'd love to hear what you think! Be sure to check trigger warnings of this book. Your mental health is important!
#inuyasha#hanyou no yashahime#半妖の夜叉姫#naraku#kikyo#narkik#inuyasha anime#inuyasha fandom#haunting adeline#bookworm#books and reading#spicy books#booktok#bookstagram#book tumblr#book review
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Friday, April 24, 2025
I ended up deciding to volunteer for only two hours today instead of my usual three, so I could still go today but have an extra hour to complete things. I don't know whether I will be posting tomorrow or not, as we are having a sleepover at my place for the GS Seniors to work on a badge. It's one that we have to complete at night, so it makes it easier to have everyone stay over at our place since we hold our meetings here, and we have the extra space. It's only H, E, and me, and they usually sleep in my bed with me since it accommodates the three of us. But the extra bathrooms are the helpful part. I'm excited for the sleepover since we haven't had one in a while. We didn't do it during cookie season this year since we did our cookie season a bit differently than last year. The other levels still did the booth, but we did regular word of mouth as it was easier this time around.
I also got my lit book from the library, so I can start doing physical notes with post-its. While I can't highlight in it like I do on the ebook, this is easier to see visually all at once rather than trying to scroll through all of my notes. Plus, it's kind of fun. I did decide on my literary analysis topic (working title): Haunted by Slavery: Gothic Horror and Moral Decay in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. I wanted to focus on comparison to Gothic literature since there are a lot of gothic elements in the novel, but I also really liked the moral hypocrisy aspect of it, where slaveholders twist the Bible to fit the context they want rather than reading it in the context of the Biblical period itself and the actual moral values the Bible teaches. There is so much Christian hypocrisy happening in this novel when focused on the South (but even in the North through Ophelia) that it felt too good a topic to ignore. And in a way, it does fit the gothic style as well because they use Scripture as psychological entrapment and to condone the evilness of slavery by saying that God wanted it this way, which is not true at all if you actually know the Bible. So I've combined the two.
My current working thesis: In Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Harriet Beecher Stowe employs Gothic conventions within the Southern plantation setting to construct a landscape of psychological torment and moral decay. This literary framework allows her to critique the institution of slavery not only as a system of physical oppression, but also as a reflection of the spiritual and ethical contradictions embedded in antebellum society.
Thoughts? Does it sound interesting to you? My mom is an English/French lit university professor, so I never feel I'm quite meeting her standards, but that's my perception, not hers. Plus, I'm still in high school. I think it's okay if I'm not writing at the college level just yet, since I still have two more years to go, but I am very excited about this topic! 🦄
Tasks Completed:
Algebra 2 - Reviewed systems of linear equations and inequalities
American Literature - Vocabulary quiz (100%) + copied vocabulary words + read about transitions + continued working on the final project
Spanish 3 - Read more about informal commands + practice quiz + completed virtual worksheet
Bible 2 - Read Mark 3
Early American History - Read about the impeachment of Johnson + worked on my final paper
Earth Science with Lab - Completed Milky Way lab + completed virtual lab report
PE/Health II - Read an article on what happens in the brain when the mind blanks
Art Appreciation - Completed daily critiquing assignment on Paul Cézanne's The House with Cracked Walls + read about the painting + jotted down notes about how to recognize a Cézanne, his style, and his philosophy + reviewed artists to this point
Khan Academy - Completed Algebra 2 daily mastery challenge
Duolingo - Studied for approximately 15 minutes (Spanish + French + Chinese) + completed daily quests
Piano - Practiced for two hours
Reading - Read chapters 36-40 of Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe (second read-through)
Chores - Vacuumed my bedroom, the study, and the front room + swept and mopped the kitchen floor
Activities of the Day:
Personal Bible Study (Proverbs 4:23)
Group Bible Study (1 Chronicles 3-5)
Volunteered 2 hours at the mission
Ballet
Variations
Journal/Mindfulness
#study blog#study inspiration#study motivation#studyblr#studyblr community#study community#homeschool#homeschooling#study-with-aura
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My Year Of Rest & Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh
4/5⭐
Earlier today I finished reading My Year Of Rest & Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh, and I have to say that while I loved it this is definitely a book that is going to rub some people the wrong way. The story focuses on an unnamed, twenty-something female narrator who lives in New York City in the year 2000 and seems to have everything she could possibly dream of: A massive inheritance fund, a closet full of high end clothes, and a career in a prestigious art gallery courtesy of her degree from Columbia University. Despite all of that, though, the narrator is tormented by memories of childhood trauma and unresolved grief. To power through it, she turns to a very sketchy psychiatrist named Dr. Tuttle to prescribe her with pharmaceutical drugs that will allow her to sleep her days away.
For a year.
Before I go any further I have to emphasize the fact that the narrator in this book is NOT someone anyone should be emulating. Not only that but, please for the love of God, do not try any of the medical cocktails in this book without the supervision of a doctor because I'm pretty sure some of these would kill a person. And if you ever encounter a psychiatrist like Dr. Tuttle in real life RUN cause I have and 90% they aren't even doctors. They are nurse practitioners or whatever who are acting as pharmaceutical sales reps. They get fancy perks for every patient prescribed a new drug and will ply you with samples without a second thought if your symptoms don't clear up IMMEDIATELY.
Anyway, back to the review....
So this book was very triggering for me, but I am glad I finished reading it because it ended up being incredible. Good things do happen when you face your fears, see? The main character was one of the most deplorable, unlikeable characters I have ever encountered for like 97% of the book. But I still couldn't stop reading??? I felt like I was watching Bridezillas or Teen Mom or some other awful trainwreck of a reality TV show, and I just could not put this book down.
It wasn't until after I finished the book that I realized the plot is all just one big metaphor, mocking people who only consume escapist media. Escapist media is stuff like Twilight or Dragon Ball Z or Family Guy or Bridgerton or Superman. Escapist media tends to have low stake plots with problems that get resolved quickly and effortlessly. In the case of things like Bridgerton it can even be dangerous if taken figuratively because Bridgerton falls into the alternative history genre. I know, I know what you're thinking -- Bridgerton is just The Crown without all the colonizing and racism. I'm taking this WAY too seriously, right?
Well, imagine if someone took Bridgerton completely out of context and framed it as HISTORICAL FACT instead of as HISTORICAL FICTION like in a home school setting, perhaps? Yeah, sounds unlikely but go look up the Nazi home school scandal and then we'll talk.
And, no, I have nothing against escapist media. I like escapist media myself, and Bridgerton is a fun little fantasy, but it's important to remember that that's exactly what it is: A fantasy. It's not real and, yeah, that's probably ironic coming from someone who blogs about Marvel in their time but my life doesn't revolve around Marvel. I have other interests like books, video games, horror, psychology, my cat, and history.
My point and the point of this book is that you shouldn't consume ONLY escapist media. You should face your fears, explore new genres, go to the museum and the park and the library. Don't be a white person who only reads books about white people by white authors. Consume media in other languages from other cultures and talk about it afterwards.
Broaden your horizons. Otherwise you might as well be sleeping through life.
This is a book that everyone should read, but it's definitely intended for more mature readers. So people sixteen and up are probably the most suitable audience. Keep all of this in mind, and happy reading.
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Ranting, complaining.
In my admittedly limited experience something that makes for bad therapy is the reductive impulse--the approach of reducing all psychological ailment to some general, universal experience. This is supposed to make you feel like you're in good company and not beyond help, but it can also be anonymizing and condescending. For instance suicide prevention rhetoric that focuses on the idea that it's all about loneliness makes me sort of crazy; I mean certainly there are instances where alienation is the main thing, especially with younger people I'd bet, but it's infantilizing to suggest that an adult couldn't have bigger, deeper problems than the need for more phone calls and hugs. And I think this misunderstanding enables the argument that suicide is a cruel thing to do to the people in your life, which is this awful mind trick people play to convince themselves that the pain of loss is serious but whatever pain it is that compels you to actually end your own life is somehow inconsequential and bearable. Apparently you should have just made more phone calls and asked for more hugs, no problem can't be solved by that, and if you didn't do this then other people get to hate you. I've seen people get so angry at their dear friends who committed suicide, and I've been in very bad places just to be told something like "you are not alone." Like no offense but I fucking know that, you're standing right there saying it to me aren't you? Please don't treat me like some lonely teenager, I have other things going on.
Another reductive thing is the strategy of trying to convince the patient that they are "normal". There's a post I once saw here about how someone's therapist blithely tells them "I mean what even IS 'normal' anyway!" like it's this amazing revelation, and the person lists three or four patently aberrant and damaging experiences that most people would never understand in order to say "Can you just try to get on my fucking level with this please?" Maybe that person WAS tormented by feeling abnormal but it's obviously unfair of their therapist to treat them like they can't tell their circumstances are unusual. Besides which you can accept the enlightened cosmic view that there's no such thing as "normal" or that there are more people like yourself than you'll ever know, and you can still be tortured by the effects of your experiences. Universality is not much comfort if something really hurts you.
A big part of my mental health struggles have to do with what I now understand are ADHD-related problems (and I believe ASD is also involved but I don't have that diagnosis yet). Like let's say half my problem is really deep complex depression and fear, and half of it is just the fact that every day is way harder than it needs to be because I can't get a grip on basic tasks. It's the Sisyphus thing, you might think you're a pretty decent guy and that many people share your problems, but eventually you may start wishing that boulder would just squash you the next time it rolls back down because the situation is unmanageable. My first therapist treated me like I was exaggerating or making up all my practical hangups due to low self-esteem. My third therapist accepted that I was being truthful but she would say to me, "Well what if YOU'RE not wrong, what if the rest of the WORLD is wrong!" Like yes I agree the world should be more accommodating to people with different neurological conditions or whatever but whether or not I blame myself for everything, the "everything" is still wrecking my life. Doing mental gymnastics to put a positive spin on it has zero effect on what a hard time I'm having. Please don't talk to me like I'm some child who has never heard that it's OK to be different. If you do I will go insane and I will roam the streets doing Victorian madwoman behaviors and I will not get over it for a long time.
Another thing therapist #3 did that seems to be popular was to take away the words "insane" and "crazy"--and like I do understand what that's about, a generalized diagnosis of just being "fucked up" doesn't help you get to the bottom of things. But if you prevent me from saying those words that will not stop me from feeling crazy and insane. You're just arguing semantics with me when we could be talking productively about my issues and this may actually make me feel crazier.
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3 & 4 for the ask game!!
Ooh spicy, thank you for the ask!
3. How do you prefer to portrait your Durge? Do you enjoy them in writing or their visuals more? If you're a writer or artist, would you/have you commissioned someone else before? Would you like to, in case you couldn't yet do it?
Honestly I'm gonna say both, cuz I adore both his visuals and his personality. If I draw anything and actually put effort into it/get absorbed in the hyperfocus I usually intend to tell a story anyway and his themes perfectly match what I usually enjoy. With writing it's the same, though I'm ngl it is harder since his head is tackling a lot of thoughts I usually tend to avoid myself. Nevertheless it's still enjoyable as hell.
Haven't commissioned anybody yet but hopefully one day I'll get to do it, broke ass bitch rn for reasons
4. How did Durge come to be? Why them? Was it a vibe you tried to capture or a specific visual you wanted to represent? Did you borrow them from previous works or were they handcrafted for this story you have in mind?
I'm a mmo girlie, the kinda mmo where you are your character. Which is to say, I've never actually did the OC thing before so he's wholly original and crafted exclusively to suit my ulterior motives aka I specifically made him up to suit the story I'm trying to tell.
As for why, well I had no actual OC and my prev Durges didn't quite fit the vibe or the story I wanted to tell.
I love all the marry sues and the unhinged Durges, and I love all the durgetash stuff, doing it myself on the side tbf, but I wanted one who's grounded in reality with just enough whimsy and madness to be an escape and a story that focuses primarily on the torment and contradictions they must've felt, but I found none so I figured imma make my own, hence why i needed someone who can be that person.
At the end of the day, elves, Durge, and somebody who exists so closely to death and is inevitably tied to it, yet desperately clings to an absolute shitshow of a life is a wonderfully heart-wrenching and tragic character. And I'm a sucker for all things tragedy.
Well tbf I had an 'oc' but that was just an unnamed genderless character whom I exclusively referred to as child or young and who was only used for some psychological horror drabbles that never saw the light of day and are more creepypasta than anything lol
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🕊 hey all! i'm currently looking for an adv.lit–novella, oc x oc rp. i love developed and complex characters and slow-burn relationships. my specific interests include dark romance, obsession/possessiveness, and more twisted, character-focused plots. the kind that can be brainstormed, developed, and worked on together– encompassing both our preferences, hcs, and ideas. psychological (horror), philosophical themes, and darker dynamics are a favourite of mine. so, if dark, twisted, complex romance rps are your preference, then you're in the right place!!
a little about me » 20F writer, gmt tmz. adv.lit-novella (multiple discord messages/6-10k+ characters), loves literature. prefers playing F roles and writing with other F writers. replies slowly (once or twice per week), but is quick with OOC. engages in lots of headcanoning and planning for rps. wants to feel love&worry for your ocs bc that's how you'll feel about my crazy darlings (i love imperfect, twisted, flawed OCs). fine with dead-dove & darker themes, specifics like limits/triggers can be discussed in dms.
what i'm looking for 》 an enthusiastic collab partner!! my rp copium is communication, so let's fangirl together!! gimme headcanons, pinboards, properly detailing the rp, character dissection, sharing tiktoks, analysis, character&dynamic building - i love all that, so let's do it all!... ideally, i'd love a fellow novella rper, mxf pairing, preferably another f writer.
this is unashamedly a plot call for my beloved rambly writers. i can plan & write for pages, partners who give the same energy back and CONTRIBUTE have my heart. my policy is that i will give as good as i get, so if i'm providing pages of ideas and getting nothing but one-word replies in return, then my interest will die. please try to have a similar energy to me, and we'll get on so well!!
my current tastes lean heavily into 》 dark romance, halloween-inspired rps, supernatural inklings, dark academia, gothic vibes, and various other macabre themes. including, but not limited to: graveyards, murder mystery, torment, mind games/mindbreaking, ghosts, insanity, entrapment, psychedelic darkness, insanity & reverence. enemies-to-lovers trope. childhood friends trope. sinfulness, warped ideations, distorted self-image, and god-complexes, hallucinations, manipulating & rewriting one's reality, gaslighting, and just all those darker themes. preference for including characters like arsonists, former cultists, serial killers, delusional individuals, and twisted characters. settings that are decaying buildings/small towns, drowning in epithets of graveyards, churches, and mystery.
if interested, like this ad & i'll get back to you asap <3.
-
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🕊 hey all! i'm currently looking for an adv.lit–novella, oc x oc rp. i love developed and complex characters and slow-burn relationships. my specific interests include dark romance, obsession/possessiveness, and more twisted, character-focused plots. the kind that can be brainstormed, developed, and worked on together– encompassing both our preferences, hcs, and ideas. psychological (horror), philosophical themes, and darker dynamics are a favourite of mine. so, if dark, twisted, complex romance rps are your preference, then you're in the right place!!
a little about me » 20F writer, gmt tmz. adv.lit-novella (multiple discord messages/6-10k+ characters), loves literature. prefers playing F roles and writing with other F writers. replies slowly (once or twice per week), but is quick with OOC. engages in lots of headcanoning and planning for rps. wants to feel love&worry for your ocs bc that's how you'll feel about my crazy darlings (i love imperfect, twisted, flawed OCs). fine with dead-dove & darker themes, specifics like limits/triggers can be discussed in dms.
what i'm looking for 》 an enthusiastic collab partner!! my rp copium is communication, so let's fangirl together!! gimme headcanons, pinboards, properly detailing the rp, character dissection, sharing tiktoks, analysis, character&dynamic building - i love all that, so let's do it all!... ideally, i'd love a fellow novella rper, mxf pairing, preferably another f writer.
this is unashamedly a plot call for my beloved rambly writers. i can plan & write for pages, partners who give the same energy back and CONTRIBUTE have my heart. my policy is that i will give as good as i get, so if i'm providing pages of ideas and getting nothing but one-word replies in return, then my interest will die. please try to have a similar energy to me, and we'll get on so well!!
my current tastes lean heavily into 》 dark romance, halloween-inspired rps, supernatural inklings, dark academia, gothic vibes, and various other macabre themes. including, but not limited to: graveyards, murder mystery, torment, mind games/mindbreaking, ghosts, insanity, entrapment, psychedelic darkness, insanity & reverence. enemies-to-lovers trope. childhood friends trope. sinfulness, warped ideations, distorted self-image, and god-complexes, hallucinations, manipulating & rewriting one's reality, gaslighting, and just all those darker themes. preference for including characters like arsonists, former cultists, serial killers, delusional individuals, and twisted characters. settings that are decaying buildings/small towns, drowning in epithets of graveyards, churches, and mystery.
if interested, like this ad & i'll get back to you asap <3.
like if interested!
#oc x oc#m x f#1x1 rp#fandomless rp#dead dove#dead dove do not eat#obsession tw#gaslighting tw#mindbreak tw#manipulation tw#literate rp#discord rp#rp#roleplay
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an old one from me,
14, 17, 20, and 25 for Book of Retribution because I'm obsessed with it (and the favorite line of mine for 14 is "How does it feel to be on the other side for once?")
!!!!! oh my GOSH!!! talk about a blast from the past!!! i would love a little stroll down memory lane, hehehe!!!
14. My favorite line from this fic was [xyz]. What inspired it?
ahhhh, i love that that line resonated with you - i felt sooo slick writing it, way back when!
so!!! as this was a silent hill crossover, i was really, really trying to capture the idea of the town (or in this case, world) using the protagonist's inner turmoil against them. "how does it feel to be on the other side for once?" was absolutely meant to sort of twist the knife in the sense that it alluded back to the experiments done by the RG crew - they were the ones in charge back then, they were the ones pulling the strings and doing horrible things to people...so now, pray tell, how does it feel to be tormented in return?
as we later come to find out, it's a line that's probably mostly meant for zexion.............but that doesn't mean it doesn't apply to anyone else ;)c
17. What was the hardest scene to write?
any! of! the! combat! scenes!!!!!!!!! the fight with zexion in particular, i remember just. staring at my screen like "how on earth do i go about this?!" dsklfjskldjf straight up-and-down action scenes have always been difficult for me, i find it hard to write that sort of thing without it reading like "then he punched him. it hurt. a lot. it hurt, like, a lot. so he punched him back." any time one of the basement boys found themselves facing off a monster (or one another, heheheheheheheee), there was definitely a very, very exasperated and self-conscious struggle involved on my part.
20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?
hmmmmmmmm...well, since it IS a silent hill crossover, i for sure poured the symbolism on thick, let me tell you sldkfjksd oooh i wish i could be more specific than that, but i wrote this puppy several computers ago, so i'm sure my original drafts and outlines are lost to time 😔 the monster designs specifically i remember spending sooo much time on, trying to line up as many sneaky little details as i could to make them line up with my hcs of the guards, ansem, and just zexion/ienzo's inner struggles in general. the use of a doppelganger as an antagonist, too, was SUPER pointed but i feel sort of fell by the wayside - i was trying to be so smooth like "get it? get it, because you...you can't...you can't trust...the schemer......you...do you get it??????"
but again, like i said with an earlier fic, the fact people read this story at all meant - and continues to mean!!! - the absolute WORLD, so regardless of what my intentions were when i was writing it, i'm just touched and flattered and honored that others got something out of it! <3
25. Is there anything you would change now about this fic? Why or why not?
i'm sure i could change......most things. about this fic. now. hahahaha, but not because i hate it or anything!!! BoR is an interesting study, imo, because it really sort of...marked the beginning of the end of my time writing kh stuff, and the beginning of me REALLY focusing on horror more generally. a lot of the spooky stuff i was experimenting with in there feels pretty...idk unrefined to me now??? if that makes sense???
i think it comes down to the fact i've just kind of evolved as a writer over the years, and that the way i approach psychological horror now is very different to then, when i was taking my first tentative steps into the genre. but you'll notice i said i COULD change things - not that i WOULD. BoR was and is, like i said, suuuuuuuuuch an important piece in my heart, and even if i do feel those little 'omg i can't believe this was how i used to write' cringes when rereading some sections of it, i wouldn't change any of it for the world!
#firestorm09890#asks#queenie writes kingdom hearts#man was that even a tag i used??? jfc im getting oLD AND FORGETFUL OVER HERE!!!#this made me smile so much you have no idea!!!! tysm for the ask - i can't tell you how much it means you still enjoy this one!!! T_T
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-For muns with multiple muses, past and present, on any blog.
Rules: Fill out the form according to which muse suits each title best. (The same muse can have multiple titles.) Repost and tag. Feel free to add more!
Tagged by: @astrxae ((Thank you! ♥ Tagging: I'm SUPER late replying to this so I'm not sure who hasn't been tagged in this? But @bells-of-black-sunday as a PRECAUTION
Favourite Muse: ---On this blog: Robibi: I love deep diving into the psychological torment of his existence, and how weird he is. Just enough off putting to be strange but not enough to cause any issues.
Most Character Development: ---On this blog: Robibi, but I think that's expected. If we're talking in total, Yoriichi; he's my beloved best boy and I will rant about him for hours if given the chance. There is a lot of lore built around him.
Trash Muse: ---On this blog: Abel, he's a bastard and I hope he knows it. Most of my OCs fall into a fairly gray category, but I'll say Sylas (an oc of mine not the league champ) is a pretty horrible person so. Maybe him?
The Meme-Lord: ---I'd say either Modern! Robin or Haruko, both are pretty funny when the chance comes, but I think Robibi is so fucking hilarious when he gets the opportunity to be.
Most Likely to Start a War: ---Abel.
Worst Personality: ---Abel.
Best Singer: ---Robin! He actually has a pleasant singing voice: Check it out!
Most Attractive Muse: ---Haruko, he's a relatively normal guy and is very pretty.
Biggest Heart: ---Brain wants to say Haru since I know Robibi can be rather cold in regards to some things? But then I think of how gentle and loving Robin can be so...! MM.
Falls in Love Quickest: ---None of them fall fast, but I think Haru would have the easiest time falling in love since he isn't some trauma-repressed revived dude or a demon.
Most Likely to Drop Their Phone in the Toilet: ---Modern! Robin.
Ice Ruler: ---Robin or Abel.
The Edgelord: ---I don't think any of them are particularly edgy themselves, like sure Robin has his soliloquies but 99% of the times when he's talking to himself its funny? Abel however...
Most Tragic Backstory: ---Robin, while not particularly wild, still very sad.
Best Case of Puberty: ---Abel, Haru is hot yeah but Abel went from a shapeless demonic mass into a 6'5" tall suave mobster who can swing dance. I THINK the choice is obvious.
Most Awkward: ---Modern! Robin
Busy Bee: ---Modern! Robin
Most Clueless: ---Haru: he ignores all drama unless it involves him or Tarhos.
Most Likely to Forget Their Wallet at Home: ---Canon Robin, his memory has declined quite a bit and he would forget a wallet since it isn't part of his usual attire, he'd just forget it existed.
Best Dressed: ---Abel for formal, for street fashion: Haruko.
Biggest Flirt: ---Abel; no morals over here.
Most Dramatic: ---Robin, all verses; his manner of speech just lends so well to this, and its hilarious.
Least Likely to Show Up Late: ---Modern! Robin, he has his pocket watch ready to go! Canon Robin as well once his memory gets a little better.
One with Weirdest Habit: ---Robin and his weird magic.
Most Likely to Be Caught at the Gym: Modern! Robin or Haruko. Haru is more likely to be caught rockclimbing while Modern! Robin would be more focused on kick boxing/strength training; he has some muscles in modern AU-- he can even lift Jhin and Danny!
#dash game#mun speaks#this was fun!#I have soooo many characters outside of this blog#it was difficult to not dip into them too intensely#yorii is the portrait I put up the other day#my beloved boy
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