#I'm just gonna do what I enjoy in a fandom
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Uh oh! Miss Sweeting was late to hand in her personal file for the school administration, and now a certain Slytherin has stolen it from her, jotting down some notes of his own. Tsk.
As long as he doesn't find out why Andrew Larson has beef with his fellow snake. Steph has heard enough jokes about it from her cousin Poppy. 👀
In all seriousness, aside from restarting my blog and introducing my MC, I just want to preface that I'll be taking it easy. I'm still not sure where I belong in the fandom, but I've received support through so many different channels and corners that I couldn't help but give it another (hesitant) go. Hopefully, this time, things will be different. Thank you to Witchy and Elli for including me in their little world. Thank you to my mutuals who left the loveliest messages. Thank you to a community who came together, it takes a village sometimes. Hopefully, the village will stay. 💚
#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts oc#hogwarts legacy mc#shameless self insert#I'm just gonna do what I enjoy in a fandom#And I thank the lovely people who reached out for making me feel welcome again💚#Fandoms suck a lot#Especially HL#But... I'm going to just nurture my little corner#Does this still count as#mctober2024
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i am convinced that most of the people who are like "rape fics are DISGUSTING!!! HOW COULD YOU ROMANTICIZE REAL TRAUMA LIKE THAT" aren't victims of SA of any kind like. like they've never been raped. because most of the people who are victims of that kind of thing who have an opinion on rape fics (that i've read from) are like "yeah it's cool"
#ex-twt moot of mine was like#“it's disgusting how you can make a fic based on someones trauma”#cod mutual#an ex COD TWT MUTUAL#COD TWT#THE ENTIRE FANDOM IS ROMANTICIZING REAL TRAUMA#like actual war crimes are ok but you draw the line at rape?#ok bro#ok dude#this includes myself btw#in victims of SA who are ok with fics like that#like it makes me mildly uncomfy but like#as long as you aren't portraying reader as enjoying it#i don't give a shit#wolfie posting#it's just ridiculous tbh#like “oh i don't like what you're writing i'm gonna tell you to off yourself”#how do you find that ok
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Haven't been feeling well today, so naturally I decided that on top of a sleep-deprived headache and menstrual cramps I needed to start a new playthrough of Dragon Age Inquisition 😂 After hours of struggling to get both mods and my controller to work with Frosty, I got everything up and running. IDK if it's just a decade's worth of hindsight, or if I've just played better games in that ten year span (or both), but...while I'm having fun, the game's definitely worse than I remember it being.
More thoughts and some screenshots below the cut
So, the thing that's standing out to me that I can't believe I never realized before is...this is a really raw deal for Dalish character. You're basically pressured into joining an organization that has historically helped oppress your people, all so you can return the world to a status quo that also oppresses people like you, from multiple angles. It's, well, bullshit. I get that the Inquisitor has to agree to actually have a story but the way the game goes about it is just so icky.
So I've decided to lean into that more, so I'm playing Amaris a lot angrier than I have done in the past. Well, in my head she's a lot angrier. I remember how bad this game is at letting the Inquisitor have anything that really resembles an actual personality so it will have to largely be in my head lol
Anyways, onto the screenshots. I decided to give Amaris brown hair instead of white after all, surprising no one I'm sure. I think it suits her better.
#ash plays dai#oc: amaris lavellan#bioware critical#dragon age critical#<- just to be safe#i swear i do enjoy these games but also. i'm critical#anyways i'm basically starting playthroughs of a bunch of different games#and playing them whenever the mood strikes me lol#this was prompted by a “post a screenshot of your inquisitor and what their varric nickname is!” post#i don't really want to reblog the post but it did make me miss her so i decided it was time#(her varric nickname is violet btw)#(because of the purple eyes and he calls merrill and sera flower nicknames too)#i do think most of my posts about her will probably be behind cuts#because i'm not gonna lie this fandom in particular scares me
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i wish there was a space for actual adults within this fandom. i guess i will have to create it, even if it's just me and other five people and a shoelace. i wonder how this whole thing is gonna develop!
#personal#the entire internet but also this fandom specifically is infested with ppl whose reading comprehension is lower than a 6th grader's#can't a gal enjoy a middle-aged actress without being pestered by toddlers with pitchforks#and i know i'm the pettiest bitch but i am ANNOYED esp when i see how old these ppl are. if you're over 25 you have no excuse daskjfhg#like i have cut my audience in half at least! if not more with this fic#but i'm happy bc i'm producing content i wanna produce#i wonder how my new fics are gonna be received#after i finish “particular” i have another thing coming up that ppl probs won't like lol#but i think it's important i post it#and then we have murder mysteries and gothic horror and wooooo you know#it's gonna be fun! and a bit disturbing!#wonder if imma be dragged on twitter again lol#but i sincerely hope no one will care lol#honestly i never expected ppl to care THAT much but i guess they did#it also annoys me that a concerningly small amount seems to care abt the actual quality of writing#and i'm over here agonising about Stylistic Choices(TM) lol#i feel like it flies over ppl's heads and they just wanna read abt larissa weems fucking them with a shapeshifted dick#which okay i guess but also what abt Literature#you could do smth creative with a shapeshifting character just saying. and include your magic cocks or whatever tf you're into#ah i am fuming in vain i will just write my lil fics and hope i don't get a new influx of kys messages lol
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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you guys just don't know how to write angst anymore. putting people who say they like "toxic yaoi" in my dni cause they have no idea how to actually write toxicity
#I feel like a lot of this toxic blah blah stuff is fancy internet lingo to avoid accusations that you just enjoy abusive dynamics#without actually developing them or doing anything interesting. like if you're gonna say you love toxicity and codependency#and then just make fluff and smut about it without actually taking the time to explore and deconstruct it#then you're romanticizing it. are you not?#especially when the pairing in question has had extremely negative (beyond the scope of basic enemies to lovers) encounters in canon#just because you're using cutesy tumblr.com lingo doesn't mean you're absolved of actual development#and I'm saying this as someone who really likes this kind of trope because it gives room for monumental character exploration#and as a victim of abuse myself. I'm not saying write an essay I'm just saying why hype up how toxic and shitty they are for each other#just to turn it into fluff/a meme. like the actual negative parts of the dynamic don't matter? I though you guys condemned romanticization.#it's genuinely fascinating how the internet will deem one pairing abusive and bad but another with the same dynamic is just toxic yaoi?#I'm not sure where the line is drawn but you can't have your cake and eat it too.#and if you're going to try tackling a dynamic that's heavily abusive (“toxic”) then you can at least try to#justify it in a way that isn't just 'um well funny fandom meme ☝️'#you just want to skip all the development and get straight to the gushy parts? fine. not saying you can't. I can't tell you what to do.#but it does massively cheapen the dynamic and make it seem like you don't actually care about the characters you just want to ship somethin#I HATE CANON X CANON!!#slash nobody here#decrees
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The Online Fandom 7 Deadly Sins
sloth: complaining about how no one writes the tropes or pairings you like and bashing what's already out there, while refusing to create anything you desire yourself
greed: zine and other finance-related scandals with zero remorse for those negatively affected
gluttony: spending rent money on merch, experiencing buyer's remorse, then repeating the same process next month
wrath: anon hate over literally everything under the sun, even harassing official writers and threatening them if they don't make your ship canon
pride: devaluing other's characterizations and ships to praise yours as better, whether through a canon perspective or a moral perspective, when neither matter in the long run when it comes to your own enjoyment
envy: trash talking others' fandom creations or saying you won't bother creating anything because it'll never be as good as them
lust: fighting over who tops or bottoms because of your personal preferences when one, both, or neither could happen, especially when most of these characters never even kiss canonically nor have most people fighting done any of these things irl themselves
#parker says things#i'm not exempt I've definitely done a few of the things listed#especially pride and envy god those really go hand in hand and it's sad#but seriously...guys does any of this matter in the long run#just have fun#if someone is having fun in a way that clashes with your own type of enjoyment just hit da bricks!#that guy's got horns! well not gonna ruin my day!#live like Yusuke guys#i've been afk because I'm dealing with some intense depression but fandom has actively hurt more than helped me#and I know plenty of ppl myself included think discussion of meta is enjoyable but I think things reach a point where it's only stewing#the inherent focus on adhering to a singular strict perspective is toxic to ourselves in the long run#have fun! be self indulgent#almost everything posted is gonna be ooc to some people even if it's 100 percent accurate to others#and just in general idk I think we should focus on fandom as a sense of fun instead of a marketing ploy#most of us are not here to make fanart or writing a career#I'm not really a community person and I've learned that the hard way over a decade and more#but i just hope people will find what sparks joy and enjoy themselves again#I don't think I'll be active in fandoms much anymore as I focus more on my personal life and recover from some things#but I wish everyone much love and hope for the best for people#even if we've had some bad interactions I do not wish ill upon anyone#i got off topic but these tags are just me saying I'll stick to lurking publicly and replying to my DMs and writing in private#will still post some things to my AO3!! maybe#anyways tag yourself I'm a recovering glutton/envy
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Can- can I start one of those homoerotic love-hate one sided vendetta type relationships with Instagram
#it's the only other social media I use and I've never found it quite as bad as what other people say#but also. there is something so fundamental wrong about it at the same time#it feels so. lifeless. and people don't use tags right.#and no one makes content for old things. and you can't like more than three of someone's posts in a row without them yelling at you for it.#and the algorithm refuses to let me see just fandom stuff. and there's no good way to look for stuff that actually interests me#but despite all that I do still use it and idk I'm probably not gonna stop using it#cus like. I do still see cool stuff there and other people seem to enjoy seeing my studd there#so. why not use it even if it's this weird not empty ghost town weird evil land of bizarreness#just me rambling
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everyone's always like "ohh writing research is so incriminating pls fbi man in my phone don't think the wrong thing aha"
meanwhile, my writing research:
pov you're writing fucking. stranger things fic. sigh
#mona rambles#hands-down my writing research is less incriminating than like. other reasearch :joysob:#also good grief the amount of shit that makes me go 'uhhh'#like. i'm an early 90s baby this is just. hmm. yeah#💀💀💀#like i have vague ideas of stuff and its time period but it's uhhh#I'm ALSO not from the US#and I am having a TIME with US/UK English (derogatory)#anyway it's fine i'm fine i'm having FUN (sobbing)#next fandom's gonna be german. fucking#west virginia and indiana and medieval fucking britan i am DONE#(who am i kidding i'm a goddamn nerd who enjoys this shit) but also just ONCE!!! I'd like to not think oh hash browns#I'm sure that's like. brownies! cause we do actually call brownies/edibles 'hasch brownies' in german#turns out it's?? POTATO????? LIKE WHAT#Good god#IGNORE ME#English (derogatory) etc etc
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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You ever read a fic that's so good, you just have to lay there and stare at the ceiling in complete silence for like 15 minutes or so while your brain is basically vibrating with hundreds of thoughts? Yeah, that's one of the best feelings in the world, holy molly
#mia babbles#< gonna use this tag for random thoughts i'm willing to post lol#anyways i've been rotating this fic in my head in full microwave mode and it makes me so giddy#this fic is for a different fandom from mm but#gosh i forgot how much i truly do enjoy psychological horror#i love myself a piece of art that will leave me pondering about my own place in the universe and what is truly real or not#who are you really? are you your physical form? the collective image of you from the people around you? your soul? your brain?#if there were hundreds copies of you placed in the same exact circumstances - would they be any different?#so what makes you YOU?#brain vibrating#having an art block so i can't get myself to write anything but it's moments like these that make my fingers practically ITCH to create#also i'm genuinely shocked at the talent of some fic writers#like you guys are amazing and i would legit buy a book from you#so many talented folks living all around the world and i just think that's so amazing :)
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being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc
however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters
#in a way i'm really glad there's no celceta fans. i don't think i could take meeting another person who knows the game#building your house out of donuts and all that#same with zestiria i'm very glad there's no one around to tell me how ooc sorey is in my mind palace or any of that#but god it would be nice to have a friend to bounce ideas off of once in a while. get some positive reinforcement in this echo chamber#of mine#altho the thing is i don't really have these kinds of elaborate aus and stories and headcanons for stuff with an actual fandom.#i love psychonauts with all my heart but the simple fact that there are other people who enjoy it just makes me feel shyer or smth#like i know that these people have played the games a million times more than i have and are a million times more obsessed with the charact#characters than i am so why should i bother developing my own headcanons abt these characters when there are people out there who do it muc#much better than i ever could. so why bother at all you know#that's why i tend to be a passive enjoyer of most things i care about on here#i'm not out here giving complex and unique takes on psychonauts or mario plots or characters#i'm just gonna enjoy what's presented to me by people who are cooler than me#and when i do have original thoughts it's only gonna be about stuff nobody else gives a flying fuck about. like tales or ys or tok#which is kind of sad! i'm not gonna lie!#but i guess i do this to myself huh. if i managed to find an ys fan they'd probably scare me out of my own theories#idk man. theres not really a solution is there#wyvern rambles
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#I think I'm just gonna let myself accept#that I'm not gonna post fic anymore#I low key absolutely hate everything I write upon a second read#and I know this is impossible but I feel like I can't please everyone#and that feels like such a failure#(I know I KNOW okay)#and with the current fandom climate etc#I feel like any characterization I give them is gonna be maligned#which means that things I project onto my faves#end up being put up for ridicule#which causes me to take it super personally#and it's just really destroying me slowly and completely#and if I let myself let go of the impetus to post and put myself up for criticism#then I might be able to just enjoy the act of writing like I used to#it used to be a release#now it just feels like I'm doing homework#and submitting it for a grade from the fandom#and it will always come up failing no matter what I do#so like#I think I'm done#I'll finish the prompts people have sent me#and i won't take down anything on ao3 (I reserve the right to change my mind abt this in future)#but im done hating myself for what fandom doesn't like#like I said some stuff is projection from myself onto the characters and#to watch people call those things all kinds of names#from silly all the way to abusive#is really fucking disheartening#idk I've been reading a lot of ask responses today that are basically telling me I'm wrong and I should stop#so I will#I'll probably delete this post later but I needed to put my thoughts down
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Y’know, I think Vanessa might be the exact opposite of Snatcher in regards to my feelings towards their canon characterization in-game.
As in, I actually like her character just the way she is in the game--not in terms of how she is as a person, she’s absolutely horrid, but I can definitely appreciate her character.
For one thing, I like the interesting spin her arc puts on the common ‘Princesses Good, Queens Evil’ mindset that lots of media (looking at you, MLP:FIM) seem to have, as she was clearly violent and unstable even before taking the crown.
For another, it’s actually really refreshing to have a piece of media that treats female on male abuse as just as serious as male on female abuse, instead of treating it as a joke.
#mun speaks#vanessa ahit#yeah i'm gonna be honest--that's one reason i don't care for shane frost's version of the subcon story#no offense to frost or anyone who likes the story; it's just not my thing#just let her be an evil horrible shrew man#tw: abuse mention#sorry i'm picky about what i like in this fandom...#though i do have exceptions--heck i frequently rp with a mun who writes a 'good' version of vanessa and i enjoy our threads
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it has been a long time since i've written within a very active fandom (most of my other blogs have been for dead ones or even nonexistent ones), so i just want all my mutuals to know:
lack of engagement/interaction ≠ lack of interest
my old tired ass just gets overwhelmed insanely easily, and so much of my days i spend just scrolling the dash, throwing out likes here and there to show "hey, you're neat; i like you. keep at it."
#||🗲 ‹ooc›#ALSO this isn't me being like 'wehhhh i'm not gonna reach out to you so you need to reach out to me' NOOO no no no#i'm not doing that at all i promise <3#i'm just saying that if we're mutuals please rest assured that i adore you#and think you're awesome for what you're doing c:#and am definitely down to write sometime if we aren't already !!#just assume my likes = hugs tbh#but hoooo yea my disposition is not trained for a super active fandom so#not me just scrolling like @^@ what is this--#i'm here lurking and enjoying ya'll--just tend to keep quiet since it's what i'm used to \u-u/
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slams my head violently against the wall /neg
#the yapper#sighs.#gonna rant in the tags for a bit. (feel free to respond‚ i dont mind. i just need to get my thoughts out there)#also if you see any ships/characters censored its not because i hate them. its because i dont want them to pop up on the main tags !!#i fucking hate. hate hate HATE it when people shit talk certain design choices and ships and aus in the fandom#well. in any fandom really. but this is my ppt blog so this is what i'm gonna be talking about#but anyways back on track#i dont care if someone doesn't like something. thats the not the problem#the problem is when they don't like something and start being super fucking mean about it#i dont care if you hate d*ynap or p*ppyn*gs or oc x canon or tall c*tnap or skinny d*gday or [x] au or etc. i respect your opinion.#i DO care however‚ when you start being a dick about it. i dont respect you anymore when you call an au bad or shit when it doesnt feature#your favorite ship. i dont respect you anymore when you get mad at/disrespect an artist for drawing a character in a way you dont hc#or when you go under an artist's drawing to say 'cute.... but [x] is better ^_^' (boils my fucking blood. just say its cute or look away.)#or when you get mad at them for not centering their au around the ship you like. all of this includes when you do it behind their back‚ btw#i'm not asking anyone to engage with content they dont like. but good lord.#can you not talk about the stuff you dislike without putting them and the people who enjoy them down?? you sound like a jerk.#hrfhdg idk dude. it just makes me so angry and sad. please do better you guys.#sorry if this came off as too harsh. i'm just really sleepy and upset right now. so sick of this entitlement and these fuckass ship wars#it's so draining#im gonna take a nap and see if it makes it better#i'll also start drawing when i wake up !! sorry for anyone who was waiting in my askbox. my mind's just been occupied lately
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