#I'm just an accident prone

[honeyandthunderstorms]

if you have never had chicken caesar pasta salad, I highly suggest you should.

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons I wrote instead of sleeping

Sometimes the boys forget that Nimona isn’t human 

Like they’re used to the shifting into animals aspect of Nimona because she does it as often as she breathes

But sometimes she’ll do some really creepy shit like make her arms longer to reach something when she’s too lazy to get up

One time they shifted just their neck to be like an owl so they could turn their head 180 degrees instead of just turning around cause that was “too boring” 

Or he’ll mimic people’s voices without realizing it 

Sometimes he’ll tell a story and suddenly he’s using Bal’s voice 

The first time she did this Bal searched the whole house cause he was convinced that Todd has snuck in

Or she’ll grow an extra arm to hold more shit and they take a moment to realize “oh yeah we adopted a little weirdo” 

They get used to it after a while and the arguments surrounding it are always funny because both the boys will complain and say “I don’t sound like that” and they have to be told “No love you do you really do” 

You know those videos of babies reacting to their parents shaving their facial hair or putting on glasses 

That’s Nimona's reaction every single time the boys change their appearance even the smallest bit they cant shave or wear their reading glasses because if they do he freaks out 

Talking some “help me Nemesis I heard bosses voice but I can’t find him” while Bal was standing right in front of them 

It was the first time he shaved his face in years and he’s never doing it again 

Mostly cause Ambrosius kept telling him he looked like a teenager and it was freaking him out 

I feel like Bal and Ambrosius are those kinds of people who will tell people about the little injuries but neglect the big ones 

Like Bal mentioned that he thinks he sprained his ankle during the fight at the institute but he won’t mention that he’s pretty sure he got a concussion 

(BECAUSE THIS MAN HEAD-BUTTED TWO PEOPLE WHEN HE HAS A METAL ARM) 

(I’m bout to wrap this man in bubble wrap and give him a helmet because wtf) 

Ambrosius will complain the whole day about the fact that he has a paper cut

But will completely neglect to inform his doctors “Oh yeah I can’t move my left arm higher than my waist without pain and I can’t see that well out of my left eye or hear that well out of my left ear do you think that’ll be a problem?” 

It isn’t until Nimona makes an off handed comment about how this super weird that the laser did basically nothing to him that he told both of them

They literally dragged him to the ER because “Who thinks those symptoms are normal Nemesis what is wrong in that pretty little head of yours!!” 

When Bal tells Nimona she’s being a bit of a hypocrite (cause who refers to an arrow as a splinter?) she turns to him and says “I know you’re not saying something Mr. Human battering ram” 

It took literally everything in Ambrosius not to break down laughing

After that she forces them to have frequent checkups with the doctor because these dorks wouldn’t go otherwise

Honestly I'm fully convinced that some people in the kingdom don't know who Nimona is and are constantly confused why they let this little weirdo follow them around 

And finally the curiosity will eat away at them and they’ll finally ask 

Sometimes the boys will give some “normal” answers like “Oh that’s Nimona” and they won’t elaborate at all

Sometimes they’ll give funnier answers like “Oh that’s a raccoon we found in the garage who turned into a person one day” “I don’t know they just showed up in our living room” and their personal best “You see her too?” 

And their favorite that they only started using a couple of years down the line “Oh that’s our kid”

[carcasscounty]

Rolled my ankle pretty hard and heard a crack

Let's see how many injuries I can end up with in one month

[hum--hallelujah]

built this life and now it's mine - Fab Four fluff + jetpoison* (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation) (for @caffeineecold)

-

Kobra got the jukebox in the corner working two days ago and Jet's just returned from a run that nearly killed him but also scored them a crate of real booze — not the shitty moonshine brewed in the Zones that everyone pretends they like even though it tastes like the inside of the boot that gave bootlegging its name, real stuff.

Party's already sloppy drunk, sitting at the counter, and Jet doesn't usually let himself get this tipsy. Kobra and Ghoul sit in the corner next to the jukebox, picking out tunes and passing back and forth a bottle of champagne, of all things. For being a sandpup, Ghoul has expensive tastes.

Something bass-heavy is playing when Party slips from the stool and nearly topples over. Jet's reflexes are sluggish, but he manages to slide from his own seat and catch Poison. Party's pissed at him for nearly dying, again, and Jet expects a shove and dark look, but that's not what he gets. Instead, Poison leans into him, fitting them so naturally together that it's almost frightening.

"Y'okay?" Jet asks quietly into Party's hair.

"Dance with me, Star?"

Jet blinks, shocked. This is the last thing he expected. But he's just drunk enough, inhibitions just low enough, and he always crumbles when Pois calls him Star. Nobody else really ever does. "Sure," he finds himself saying, and Pois curls even more against him, their hands finding their places without even looking. It's too easy to sway back and forth together, in some facsimile of dance that's really just more an excuse for the comfort of touch that they both need, to the lilting gravelly guitars playing through the jukebox speakers.

The track skips and Kobra thumps the side of the box to get it playing again, a rising guitar interlude without words. Poison's head is nested against Jet's jaw, red hair filling his entire field of vision. On an impulse he doesn't resist for once, probably due to how tipsy he is, he presses his lips to Poison's temple.

"I'm sorry, sunshine," he whispers. "Fuck, Poison, I love you. Not the way... you want me to, probably, but I do. I love you so much." His eye is wide and staring, a little bit desperate. There's no other way he can say it.

"Don't leave me," mumbles Poison softly into the skin of his neck. The song is different now, something softer. "My Star..."

Jet closes his eye. "I'm not trying to," he says.

Poison sniffs, still swaying to the new tempo of this song. "Try harder."

Pois probably won't remember this in the morning. Kobra and Ghoul will give them weird looks, like they've completely lost it, and Jet will know why. Heck, they're giving them weird looks now, over the top of a champagne bottle and between smirking giggling asides to each otherm But Party is too drunk to retain much. They won't ever talk about it, except maybe when it comes up in an argument they force everyone to hear. You said you wouldn't leave me, you said you love me. I don't care how it is I just want you to love me whatever way you can.

The future is unfolding in front of them in so many ways. But right now it's just two friends, irresponsibly drunk and folded into each other.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

just realized that the reason I actually like L S Dunes despite it being a much rougher sound than I usually enjoy is because every single one of their songs sounds like a beautiful child born via osmosis of my beloved beloved Accident Prone

[thelastspeecher]

as if I don't have enough going on in my life, my Cringe Ankle™ is continuing to be cringe as fuck

[quaranmine]

Get an mri?

LMAO i assume this is about my hand but yeah 1) i'm not too worried about it and 2) i absolutely cannot just go get an MRI skdjksjfkfjkg

[just-slightly-chayotic]

i started following rasika for the jeff content but at this point i'm just genuinely a fan of her? i love her.

[denieatsart]

Did you know that falling on your back on thebus steps while getting off the bus hurts especially if you use your hurt leg to stop yourself from falling further

[thetalkingwave]

I joke about the tism and how funny it can be having it.

But the downsides are depressingly amusingly harmful.

Aka my brain went "Ooh routine!" And it latched onto cutting myself at work with the knife to keep the symmetry

[mopotatoes]

Just received this announcement in a group chat, and I'm immediately obsessed.

[awakenedgirlspring]

@matron-chisami: Would you like to play WoW with me today?

me: I would love to but I have to do a lot of cleaning for the inspection, we've been trying to do it since a week a go and we haven't been able to make much progress, and I would like to try and avoid the usual last minute rush.

her: It's ok. I believe in you.

me: Besides i'll probably accidentally hurt my...

her: nononono

me: self and then i'll have time to play with you.

[inkskinned]

it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)

i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.

i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.

i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.

in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.

i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.

i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.

my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.

i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.

i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.

it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.

almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.

i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.

i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.

write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.

[lyrefromthesea]

Can I request? How would male hashiras react if we bleed when we were doing it? You can take your time,thank youu

Male pillars x Reader - Blood isn't a problem.

author's note: I was certainly worried about how I should write this, there aren't many ways a woman can bleed down there without causing serious damage. Since I do not feel comfortable writing about those scenarios, I only wrote about period sex or virginity loss.

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader

content warning: fem!reader, blood, period sex, virginity loss

Tengen:

• the first time you bled down there was a complete accident

• you were having your first time with him and he shoved it in too deep -> your hymen broke immediately

• he was really worried, but gladly you were fine

"i'm sorry- breathe, beautiful. breathe." he instructed you, hands coming up to rest on your hips. he rubbed soothing circles into your skin, knowing he was a lot to take in.

"is it better now? it's all in, you did so good.." he said, leaning down to press a kiss on your lips. you wrapped shaky legs around him, knowing he had seen the blood glistening between your bodies too.

you knew it was prone to happen, he was on the packing side in girth and length.

shaky lips pressed against his, assuring him that "it's fine.." you knew he would never try to hurt you - not on purpose. besides, the pain subsided rather quickly.

Obanai:

• knows your in pain during your period, doing anything to ensure you're fine

• chocolate, blankets, candles - he would bring everything you need

• he didn't know much about women - his past didn't give him the opportunity to learn - but he did it now

• read that sex helped against period cramps and came running towards you

"is it better now?" he asked, grinding deep into your pussy. his cheeks were flushed the same color as your own, brows furrowed together. he was focused on moving lightly, not wanting to hurt you.

he groans every so often, but tries to swallow the sounds he made down. he didn't want you to think that he was doing this for his own pleasure.

it did feel good, but he did it because he wanted to help you. he couldn't bare seeing you curled up in pain.

"you look m- more relaxed.." he mumbled, resting his head on your shoulder. he kissed along your skin, wanting you to feel loved all around.

Rengoku:

• was inwardly panicking when you had sex and he suddenly saw blood -> why was it bleeding? you weren't a virgin and he didn't hurt you either

• felt relieved when you told him it was fine, you just miscalculated the day your period would arrive

• he's not into period sex, not because it's unattractive, but is scared of hurting you if he pushes his dick in

• most importantly, found ways to still lessen your cramps

"it's okay, [name], you're doing so good.." he would quietly say, his voice barely a whisper. he knew he often was too loud for other, but couldn't find the right volume. you found it endearing, but that would be a story for another time.

"Kyo, it's starting to hurt again.." you responded, a whine slipping past your lips. he had two of his fingers pressed deep inside of you, slowly pumping them in and out of your pussy.

they were glistening with your blood and slick, but he didn't care. it wasn't disgusting to him, he was used to seeing blood. the only thing he regretted was not being able to taste you after finishing. the metallic taste of blood made it impossible.

"we'll get you through this, just relax for me.."

Sanemi:

• doesn't have a problem with period sex, but knows he can sometimes be too rough during the act

• doesn't want to hurt you because he's too dumb to control himself

• his solution? letting you take control

"fuck, doing so good for me.." he pants, throwing his head back against the cushions. you had been riding him for a while now, shaky legs having trouble to keep their tempo.

he wouldn't complain, he knew you couldn't influence it. his hands were gripping your waist, squeezing with every slow thrust.

he was used to a rougher pace - the pace he set - your slow tempo was a complete contrast to his. he felt like he was about to cum every time you sank down on him.

"just like that, yeah.. tell me if it's too much." he gasped out, squeezing his eyes shut.

it was hard to concentrate, but he would make sure you would be fine.

Giyuu:

• just like Obanai, he did it to help you, not wanting to see you convulse in pain

• didn't know it would turn out to feel so good though

• your insides were all warm and wet, there was no need for foreplay, he could sink right in

• easily gets addicted to the feeling of your cunt

• definitely still does it to help you, but can't deny that he's quite eager for it too

his hips slapped against you, much slower than the pace he would usually set, but still fast enough to make your breath catch in your throat. your arms were wrapped around his neck, holding him close.

"i- love, fuck.. you feel so good, ah-" he moaned into your ear, burying his head in your neck. you could feel his hot breath gliding over the shell of your ear.

"tell me you feel good, as g- good as i feel when i fuck you like this.." his moans soon turned into whines, matching the sounds escaping you.

he listened to you chanting his name, trying to tell him that you were about to cum. "let go, want to feel you cum on my dick.." he panted, his pelvis grinding against your clit more often than not.

he couldn't hold back his own orgasm when he felt you gush around his cock, pressing his hips flush against yours to make you take his cum.

"f- uh- so g- good.." he mewled, hips slowly coming to a halt. upon seeing you lay under him in pure exhaustion and relaxation, he decided to finally pull out.

he just didn't know the sight of your cum and blood making his cock glisten would turn him on so much.

Gyomei:

• knew he was bigger than the average man in every way

• understood why you were nervous when you shared your first time

• was scared himself and offered you to take him in yourself

• felt bad for the blood, but trusted your every word

"darling?" his deep voice asked, realizing there was a faint metallic scent in the air. your hands had tightened their hold on his shoulders, probably leaving small crescent marks.

"i- it's fine.." you stuttered out, trying to reassure him. you have been taking him in slowly, but his girth alone ensured that this would be painful at first.

however, you couldn't deny the relief you felt after having pushed him in so deeply already. your breathing has gotten quite shaky, feeling his large hands squeeze your waist in an attempt to comfort you.

"are you su- mh.." he didn't get to finish his sentence, you were squeezing him tightly. truthfully, it was hard for him to stay entirely still like this, but he forced himself to hold out longer.

he wondered whether you would be able to take all of it in.

[notsosecretmasochist]

The doctor at the urgent care near my home recognized me today. This doesn't feel like a good thing.

[bbokicidal]

Hiii! Could you pls do some hcs for like sex accidents (like funny) with inexperienced skz? Like idk I think felix would be prone to voice cracks and Han would giggle whenever something happened. Idk feel free to ignore duh! 🫶

Sure! I'll just do a small list quick since it's late for me and I'm tryna answer inbox stuff hahaha

Odd Sexual Moments w/ Inexperienced!SKZ

Chan - Cannot keep his hands to himself because he's just soooo happy to have someone to cherish and worship, which has led to him accidentally touching your bootyhole while grabbing ass. And it's HIM who makes it weird!! Usually you're just like, eh, it is what it is and honestly it's not that bad. But as soon as he realizes it he's like omg I'm so sorry and gets all red and shy like the cutie patootie he is

Minho - Gets quiet when focused and therefore makes little to no sound in bed when he's trying something new like a position or a toy or something. And then when you ask him about it his voice gets all shy and high pitched and he's like im so sorry I didn't realize I was so silent you thought I was dead beneath you my bad

Changbin - ACTUALLY choked you out with his arms once. was behind you, wrapped his arms under your neck cause he knows you like it, and then when your moans died down he was like OH NO and immediately cradled you in his lap until you were looking up at him in confusion. it took him a few hours to tell you what happened because he was embarrassed as shit but he did eventually spill the truth even if it blew his pride to dust

Hyunjin - The w o r s t kisser in the group tbh !!! even if he swears he isn't. Tries to be super suave and romantic with it but ends up nearly choking you w/ his tongue (not that you're complaining) (you can't anyway bc youre actually choking LOL) Please help him he doesn't seem to realize how much he needs to learn

Jisung - Does not know where to put his hands no matter how many times y'all have sex. The first time he legit would not touch you unless you moved his hands to your body, and even after that he was all shy and hesitant because he's A) too scared to outwardly ask and seem nervous, and B) what if he accidentally touches somewhere you don't want him to??? Super giggly about it once he gets comfortable though bc you never stop teasing him for it in bed. (he shuts you up by stuffing his fingers in your mouth but n e way)

Felix - the voice cracks !! He's heard from both you and his friends how much you seem to adore his voice and how large of a range he has so he tries reaaaally hard to use it in a sexy way in bed. but the first time he tries to make his voice lower, it cracks and he almost keels over dead when you comfort him in a fit of giggles. (there's also a time he broke out the baby voice without thinking while squeezing lube into his palm and going "that's enough~" before he booked it to the bathroom in embarrassment and took a two hour shower while trying to muster up the courage to look you in the eye again)

Seungmin - Man has NO idea what he's doing so any time you ask if he wants to have sex and he says yes, he just sits on the edge of the bed and waits expectantly for you to initiate it. Because he legit has no idea how to start anything off. Once you get going he's totally fine and p smooth with it but he cannot start it off to save his life.

Jeongin - the first few times he has sex with you he has to pause in the middle or before switching positions so he can question if this is something god would approve of. you think it's a joke at first when you ask what he's doing and he says "asking for forgiveness" but then realize hes serious. you end up waiting patiently any time he needs to stop and ponder, but eventually he quits giving a shit and says he'll repent for it later or something lol.