#I'm in my feelings today and this playlist is on repeat | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

woncon · 6 months ago

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➳ like a rainbow

➶ stray kids ot8 x gn!reader ｡˚ °

-ˏ` ✎﹏ sometimes it just hurts and you need to cry it out. but don't worry, your boyfriends are here to help you through it.

➴ genre: angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end

: ̗̀➛ warnings: crying, emotional pain

⌨ :: 1.2K words ♡ ︵ . .

⁀➷ i had a sobbing afternoon the other day. i wrote this as a therapy session, and now I'm dedicating this to all the dear Stays who need it! <3

⁀➷ thanks to @wonsheep for helping me fix my grammar mistakes and for giving me advice how to convert a whole story into another language precisely °♡̷•.

➳ stray kids masterlist | main masterlist

You retire to the bedroom. You don't even bother to close the door. You just throw yourself on the bed, and the tears are already flowing. You curl up in a ball and let your heartache take its course.

Today seems to be one of those days.

A day for crying.

You're too weak to get up. You're too tired to think. You’re just hurting and you let it hurt. Maybe if you use up all your tears, it'll be easier.

Maybe.

You embrace your body. Your shoulder shakes. Your whole being gives way to desperate cries. You close your eyes because you see nothing but your own tears, endless. Your heart is pounding loud, crumpled in its cave.

You don't even hear when someone enters the room.

Chan calls you by name, softly and quietly, but as soon as he realizes you aren't sleeping, but instead hiccupping from sobs, he is not subtle, he repeats your name in terror and comes to your side.

"What happened? Who hurt you?" He grabs your face. "My baby? Baby, talk to me. What hurts?"

You cuddle up to him, bury your head in his chest and shake it. You can't talk about this now. You have no words now, only tears, but you cling to Chan's body to let him know that even if you can't articulate it, you need him here. So you don't dig your fingers into the fabric of your sweater, but hold Chan close to you.

Meanwhile Chan is stroking your back, rocking you slowly, trying to soothe you with his kind words, you are still crying bitterly, your own chest unable to suppress the grief that is welling up inside you.

Soon Felix sticks his head into the room. His incomprehension quickly gives way to worry. His eyes widen, his mouth clenches helplessly, and every bitter sound you make creates another crack in his heart. He wants to climb on the bed, cuddle up to you, touch you reassuringly, hoping that his touch, his presence, will go some way to soothe your suffering.

But before he can do that, Chan whispers something to him. Felix doesn't understand at first. He shakes his head.

"Blanket. Hot chocolate. Music. Netflix. Dori," repeats Chan.

Felix nods vigorously, and heads out of the room to hand out tasks to the others. Everyone is committed when they find out how bad of an emotional state you are in. They are eager to do something to cheer you up, if only a little.

Seungmin looks for your favorite blanket. Felix makes the hot chocolate while Hyunjin roasts marshmallows. Jisung and Jeongin take care of the music, one brings the speakers from Chan's studio, the other your favorite playlist. Changbin's forearm disappears into the sofa as he searches for the remote control. Minho lures Dori into his lap to bring him to you.

When their duties are done, they all go to the bedroom and shower you with their kindness. You crawl out the cover of Chan's chest and sit up. You are so struck by all these hopeful faces and loving little things that for a moment you completely forget the pain you have felt, and the mere purpose of your existence is the vibrant gratitude you feel for them. A visceral gratitude for their kindness and love.

"See, little one?" Chan says with a half smile as your boyfriends flood the bed. "You are not alone. You are never alone. If you need it, you can cry on everyone's shoulder because we're here to take care of you."

Chan pulls out a tissue from his trousers and hands it over. You blow your nose. Seungmin spreads the blanket on your legs. Jisung turns on the speaker, then puts it on the nightstand. Jeongin starts the music, and the bedroom fills with rippling melodies instead of your inconsolable crying noises.

"Here." You get the hot chocolate in your hand from Felix.

As you sip the sweet drink and eat the marshmallows, you feel warm inside. Your tears slowly dry up.

You feel safe in the ring of your boyfriends on your huge bed as they quietly watch and listen to your wishes and reactions. They do their best to make you feel better, and their efforts alone make you feel better. By being here, being with you, and wanting to help, you know that no matter how much it hurts, they will try so hard to make you not suffer. They will listen or silently embrace you, whatever you need, they will want to give it to you, but they won't let you wallow alone, helpless.

Felix clears the empty mug up with a broad smile. As soon as your hand is empty, Minho immediately puts Dori in your lap. The cat instantly curls up on your blanket-clad thigh, settling into regal comfort.

At times, Dori specifically likes to be around those who aren't exactly in a good mood. He makes it almost a mission to cheer them up. Even now, as you run your fingers through his fur and he purrs contentedly, it's enough to bring a small smile to your tear-streaked face.

"You're like a rainbow now," whispers Hyunjin. You look at him. His eyes are bright with wonder, lips slightly parted. "Your tears fall, but your smile shines. Your face is a rainbow."

Embarrassed, you wipe away the remaining tears with the sleeve of your sweater before they dry completely on your face.

"Thank you," you say. "For taking care of me."

"Of course, beauty. We love you," replies Changbin, handing over the remote. You hold it with the hand you're not using to stroke Dori's soft fur. "We love you so much, you can choose the movie. If you want."

"But we can do other things if you feel like it," Felix adds, caressing your hand. "Anything that makes you happy."

"It's nice like this. Can we stay a little longer here?"

Everyone nods.

You scratch the base of Dori's ear.

"Thank you, really," you whisper emotionally.

"No need to thank us." Much to your surprise, Minho is lying down on your other side, resting his head on your shoulder and sliding up. You put the remote next to Dori and stroke Minho's hair with your free hand, and it seems as if he purrs too. You enjoy that this time you don't have to fight with his tsundere self to get him to cuddle up to you.

Then your hand is snatched out by Hyunjin, who settles down behind Minho. He plays with it, drawing little hearts on your palm.

“Grandpa, space please!" Seungmin pushes Chan aside so that he can lie at your side. Chan snorts, Minho giggles and you smile.

"My seat's taken," Jisung snorts sadly, nudging Dori, who's sprawled on your stomach.

"You have other seats, Sung," Seungmin mutters, who no longer has such a problem because he's found his place next to you.

“Right!" Jisung gets excited. In the next moment, he leaps at Minho, who moans angrily for a second, but lets Jisung sprawl out and nestle on top of him.

Chan, Jeongin, Changbin and Felix form the other pile.

You wish you had eight arms like an octopus to touch them all and pull them to you. And then Jeongin smiles sweetly at you, Changbin looks at you lovingly, and you understand that you don't need eight arms, because they are all in your heart, as you are in theirs, be at arm's length, cities or continents apart.

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undiscovered-horizon · 2 years ago

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Who am I to complain? - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[emotional and verbal abuse, unhealthy parent-child relationships]

SUMMARY: When your parents come to visit, Nikolai finally understands why you've never been keen to talk about them. Being the King and your husband, he isn't afraid to defy them.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 4.5k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

"Have you listened to anything I've just said?"

Nikolai shakes you awake from being lost in thought. You look away from the insanely interesting skirting board you had been staring at for the past ten minutes. He’s watching you with raised eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

"I…” you hang your voice. At first, you wanted to just apologize and ask him to repeat himself but then a sense of dread sprouts in your abdomen - one you can’t quite put a finger on but it takes over your entire mind. “I'm sorry, Kolya. Please, don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry,” you plead, gradually speaking faster.

“I’m not angry,” he states firmly. “But I am growing concerned for you, love. What’s going on?”

“I just keep thinking about my parents' visit,” you confess while rubbing your forehead. “Ever since the letter arrived, I can hardly think about anything else."

"Yes, I've noticed you have been a bit absent for the past few days. I assumed you were going to talk to me when you're ready. Are you?"

"They're not bad people," you begin in a strange tone that makes Nikolai doubt your words right away, "and they've only done their best to give me a good life. Despite that, they have a tendency to bring out the parts of me I've grown to dislike."

“Isn’t that what every family does?” he jokes in hopes of easing your visible discomfort. But his good humour is gone the moment you look away with a sombre expression stuck to your features.

Nikolai always considered himself exceptional at self-control but something about your sadness makes him gradually abandon reason. As you forlornly stare into the darkness of your shared bedroom, he’s ready to stick feathers to his clothes and pretend to be a peacock just to make you laugh.

“Love,” he calls out softly. His hand rests between your shoulder blades. “You’re the queen. If you want, we can call their visit off right away.”

“That would be a little rude, no?” you ask in a meek voice.

“It’s a lot more crude to make you cry.”

“I will be alright, really,” you reassure him. That miserable look on your face is slowly creeping away. “It’s just three days. Maybe they’ve changed or they’re a lot better than I remember. I’ll be okay.”

Nikolai is unsure whether you’re trying to convince yourself or him but he doesn’t push. Despite not believing your clumsy words of reassurance, he trusts you - he’ll step in only when things really get out of hand.

Nervousness and excitement often feel the same and one might even fool themselves into believing that the mortifying tension in their muscles is actually an impatient thrill. Today, however, you don’t even try playing a little trick on yourself. The more you think about your feelings, the more you’re convinced that it’s not even nervousness but fear. Still, you don’t quite understand why exactly your parents’ visit elicits such awful emotions from you.

The door to the throne room opens and a man in a white and gold livery steps inside. He quickly walks halfway to the dais with the throne.

The servant bows as deep as he can and clears his throat before loudly announcing: “Presenting her most royal Highness’s, the Queen’s, mother and father.”

Only then do your parents emerge from the hall, walking hesitantly through the spacious throne room. Two guards are following them and your father spares them a confused glance every few steps. But the armed men only usher him to keep walking and not turn his back to the king until allowed to do so.

Feeling fear exploding in your chest, you grip Nikolai’s shoulder even tighter. Sitting on the throne, he has to look up to meet your eyes.

“Calm down, it’s going to be alright,” he says quietly. A reassuring smile curves his lips. “You said it yourself.”

As though he is a Heartrender himself, his words make you relax. You take a deep breath and let go of his shoulder. At that moment, Nikolai stands up to greet your parents as their son-in-law first and only then the king of Ravka.

Right then, your mother quickly runs up the few steps leading to the dais. Her face is red and a deep crease now separates her eyebrows.

“I have to wait to be announced to see my own daughter?” She’s barely containing her outrage. “Nonsense!”

“I’m royalty now, mother,” you explain calmly. Your voice almost doesn’t shake.

“And I’m still your mother, the one that gave birth to you. Do I not get any benefits from that?”

Maybe some people don’t actually change.

“I’m afraid you don’t.”

“Is this gold?!” your father exclaims in shock as his hand reaches for your heavy necklace. “So because of you most of Ravka is starving?”

Too occupied with the jewellery, your parents don’t notice the palace guards stepping forward to arrest them for such an accusation aimed at the queen. Nikolai spares them a meaningful look, waving them off. In his heart, he agrees with them.

“Actually, this is a gift from a businessman in Kerch,” you say quietly. Suddenly, you remember why you’ve never visited them since your wedding.

“Still, don’t you think this is a little distasteful?”

Your mother places her hand on your father’s shoulder. “She’s always been vain, darling,” she reminds him.

You’re not a queen anymore - at least you don’t feel like it. All of the gold, silk and jewels are gone and you’re back to being a scared, little girl with hay stuck in her hair. Tears sting your eyes.

Whatever you do is wrong. All of your efforts are underwhelming. Maybe they’d be happier if you weren’t there.

"You're crying?” your father asks with a hint of disgust in his voice. “Oh, don't be so sensitive, you know we’re only joking!” He’s still holding your necklace in his fingers, admiring the glistening crystals. Standing so close to you, he lowers his voice significantly to appear inconspicuous but Nikolai manages to pick up his calloused words. “Pull yourself together, this is embarrassing.”

As she usually does, your mother brings the attention back to herself. “She can be a bit much at times, so I hope you’re a patient one!”

The guards exchange questioning looks, silently asking one another if they should intervene this time. Most of the time they follow Tolya and Tamar’s steps but they’re left to their own devices on this day as Nikolai ordered the twins to take a day off. Perhaps it’s for the best - they’d surely escalate this already uncomfortable situation but it’s only because they care.

“I’d say it’s quite the opposite,” Nikolai answers, unaffected. Despite his speaking to your mother, he’s looking into your eyes. “I can never get enough of her.”

“For most of her life, I thought she’d never get married!” your mother continues. She’s gripping your arm with much more strength than her appearance suggests. “Men don’t like them independent, stubborn and opinionated.”

Nikolai’s polite smile doesn’t falter. “Three qualities of an excellent Queen.”

Your mother laughs obnoxiously. “Just wait a few years, dear.” She pats his shoulder. The guards look between themselves again. “You’ll be quick to send her off just like we were!”

Both of your parents laugh wholeheartedly while you and Nikolai exchange knowing looks. Now he understands why you have been so uneasy lately. This is going to be the longest three days of his life.

The perplexity continues as your mother suddenly places her hands around your waist, examining your torso in great detail. A sour expression forms on her face.

“Oh, honey, you’ve let yourself go,” she says in a worried tone. Her eyes trail the curve of your physique up until she looks at your face. With a serious glint in her eye, she advises you under her breath: “You can’t get fat and slobby if you want to keep the king.”

The man who announced your parents appears again but this time he walks all the way to the stairs leading up to the throne, although doesn’t dare climb them. His facial expression borders on emotionless and serious as though he’s more of a marble statue rather than a servant.

“Your most royal Highness.” The man bows deeply. “The room is prepared.”

“Excellent.” Nikolai uses the opportunity to cut the awkward conversation short in a diplomatic way. “Escort our guests to their chamber.”

“Right away, мой царь.”

When the butler disappears around the corner with your parents apprehensively following him, Nikolai looks at you with a grim expression.

“Are they usually like this?” he asks, disapproval hiding between his words.

“They’re worse at home,” you answer with a shrug. A lot of terrible feelings and thoughts you were convinced you had left behind are coming back and you’re unsure how to handle that.

“You’ve put up with this kind of disrespect for your whole life?”

“It’s not disrespect, just…” you hang your voice looking for the right expression, “tough love. They don’t mean any harm.”

“Don’t mean any harm?” he repeats in disbelief. “They’ve been here for fifteen minutes and they are yet to say something nice to you. Neither of them even asked whether you’re doing alright.”

A short, troubled sigh leaves your lips. Your fingers trail the golden embroidery decorating his kaftan. “I’m married to a dashing, handsome king and live in a palace. I think they know I’m doing well.”

His hand gently grabs yours, keeping it against his chest. “As much I like flattery, especially coming from you, you can’t pull wool over my eyes, love. It’s not a matter of knowing but principle. Remember our wedding? The guests kept asking how you’re doing so much, you kept saying you’re perfectly fine before they even got a chance to ask.”

The memory elicits a chuckle from you. Yes, everyone seemed to be preoccupied with making sure you were happy and satisfied. It came to such a point, you yelled at Nikolai’s cousin ‘Yes, I’m fine!’ before she gave you a weird look and asked if you wanted some vodka mixed with your champagne. Truly, the only royal thing about Marina is her ungodly fortune but maybe that’s why you’ve grown to like her a lot - she’s down to earth and easy-going.

Nikolai squeezes your hand in a gentle, reassuring manner. “Just say the word and I will personally throw them out.”

“Kolya!” You gasp at his offer but it quickly turns into laughter. “They’re my parents and your in-laws!”

“They also refuse to show care and respect towards my beloved Queen.”

That mellow, loving look in his eyes nullifies any annoyance you might feel at his stubbornness. You pull your hand out of his grasp and place it on the side of his face. Consciously or not, he slightly leans into your touch. “I appreciate your concern.” Not minding the guards in the room, you’ve grown used to their constant presence, you peck his lips shortly. “But they have just arrived. You’ll warm up to them.”

Nikolai doesn’t answer at first. He only reconnects your lips, kissing you deeper, more desperately. When you feel his hands coming up to your waist, you lean away from him. For a moment, you swear you can see a grimace of dissatisfaction on his face.

“Be decent,” you reprimand him but the wide smile you wear so well rids your words of all seriousness.

“You started this.”

“And I will finish if you play nice.”

Nikolai takes a rather long step back, away from you, just to make a point. He’s standing with his hands behind his back, an excited grin on his face. “You make an exquisite diplomat, you know that?”

“I learned from the best.”

The time for dinner came faster than you wanted it to. Anxiety bubbled inside your chest again. Still, you continued trying to soap up your eyes with thoughts that maybe when they sit across the table from a king, they’re going to withdraw their little jabs at you. As they say: Hope is the mother of all fools. And you’re about to learn that.

Nikolai raises his cup with wine. “A toast to our beloved Queen,” he announces in an official tone. Out of the corner of his eye, he spares you an adoring look. “Without her, I’d be a lonely, perplexed king. May we not know the world without her.”

To your horror, your father decides to join him. “May she get a grip and come to her senses.”

The dry wine tastes even more bitter as you take what’s supposed to be a celebratory sip. What if he’s right about you? It’s only the beginning of the evening and you already wish you can miraculously vanish or, worst case scenario, just run away.

You’re about to take a bite of the roasted pheasant on your plate when your mother looks at you with raised eyebrows. She points her fork between you and the plate. “Should you really be eating all of this?”

You don’t answer her. Whatever you say will only egg her on. Get a grip, you scold yourself and clench your fist to push fingernails into the sensitive skin of your palm. The pain is distracting, grounding.

"You know, sweetheart, you're not getting any younger,” your mother continues. She always does that - throwing poignancies one after another and seeing what sticks. Now, when she’s literally the mother of the queen, she’s even bolder than before.

“Mother-”

“Don’t interrupt me.” She points her knife at you. “All I’m saying is as a wife, especially the queen, you have only one duty and you shouldn’t wait with it. Things will only get more difficult as you age.”

Nikolai gives your mother a bright smile. “Have no worries,” he cuts in. “We’re not waiting.”

You almost drop your fork. Flustering people is definitely one of his strategies but must he really involve your sex life in his word games? Although mortified at his bluntness, you must admit it works - your mother’s face is about the same shade as the roasted tomatoes on her plate. She casts her eyes downwards, poking at the food in front of her.

The air is filled with awkward tension but Nikolai doesn’t seem to mind in. In fact, he looks quite proud of himself. You, on the other hand, aren’t as good at putting up a believable front.

“So,” you begin in hopes of easing the atmosphere”, how are things back in…” You hang your voice. You were about to say ‘home’, only to realize that it would be an honest lie. The little town where you grew up hasn’t been home in years. “...Tamboyevka?”

“Oh, you know,” your mother says as she makes a dismissive wave with her hand. “Same old, same old. Cattle and field, nothing interesting to someone of your sort, I presume! There’s never been much use of you anyway.”

Listening to your mother’s condescending words, you push your fingernails further into the skin of your hand to distract yourself from the feeling of shame that continues to grow inside your stomach and pull you down with it. Maybe the marble floor will swallow you whole in the next few minutes and all of this will be over.

Then you feel Nikolai’s warm hand sneak between your palms, breaking up your painful distraction. He leans towards you ever so slightly and whispers:

“I’d much rather you pinch and scratch my hand than hurt yourself.”

You look at his concerned face. Words of reassurance, ‘Don’t worry, I’m alright’, nearly push past your lips when your father chimes in, continuing the conversation.

“But your brother, he bought some land down south,” he announces with excitement.

“More land?” you ask. “Ha barely manages with what he already has.”

The memory of your brother’s tired, grey face flashes before your eyes. Every time you see him, he looks even sicker than before as though he never sleeps or eats, only works in the field. He even collapsed on one July day and your parents kept saying that this is a sign of an honest, hard-working man but you weren’t as quick to call a man throwing up everything he eats ‘healthy’.

“You know how he is, always helping others.” Your mother is beaming with pride as if she’s the one doing the farming. “His crops feed two villages and it’s not nearly enough for him! Said he wanted tomatoes and citruses.”

Then it hits you. It’s not a revelation in any way but rather something you don’t think about too often - most of Ravka doesn’t get fruits in winter, especially the ones growing in warmer climates near the Shu Han border. And you not only can easily get it even when snow covers the grassy fields but you’re essentially fed it. Like that one time, you shared a tangerine with Nikolai while sitting in front of a fire, talking about unimportant things.

Despite your mother sitting right in front of you, her voice echoed in your head as though she’s a phantom haunting your thoughts and not a real person: Selfish. Spoiled. Entitled. Ungrateful. People starve because of you.

You focus on Nikolai’s warm, rough hand that’s still holding your own. The pleasant sensation is gradually grounding you, pulling you out of your head and into the present moment.

“What for?” you ask as casually as you can, not giving in to the spiralling thoughts. It still feels like you’re underwater, desperately gasping for air as your lungs burn. Squeezing Nikolai’s hand, you break the surface of the vicious tides trying to drown you in panic and shame.

Your mother, on the other hand, appears completely oblivious to your plight. “Some child told him they’d like oranges and he couldn’t say no. He’s wonderful, truly. A living Saint! What a blessing to call him my son. You should take a serious cue from him, young lady.” She waves the tip of her knife in your direction again. “But enough about your brother. What do you do when you’re not wasting time? Lay around and smell nice?”

“Well,” you swallow nervously, already knowing that she won’t be satisfied with your answer, “I meet a lot of people, take correspondence, travel across the country or read if I find the time.”

Nikolai must notice the telling crease of disappointment between your mother’s eyebrows. He joins the conversation under a skilful facade of a proud, boasting husband. “Don’t sell yourself short, love. Our Queen,” he puts strange stress on the title, “has started a scholarship for disadvantaged children, takes the time to teach young girls sewing, foreign languages and arithmetic.”

“That’s quite useless, isn’t it?” your mother looks between you and your father, not acknowledging Nikolai’s presence. She keeps stabbing the roasted pheasant on her plate with a fork as though there’s still life inside the poor poultry. “Shouldn’t you try harder?” she hisses at you. “If you continue being this lazy, the whole kingdom will fall apart! What will our neighbours say then?”

Nikolai suddenly gets up. He’s still holding your hand but you can’t be sure whether he’s doing that on purpose or if it’s just an unconscious reflex. The candlelight from the crystal chandelier cascades off his face, pronouncing the clenched muscles of his jaw - he’s angry and barely holding it in.

“Our meeting at this table is adjourned,” he announces in a firm voice. “This is beyond unacceptable. I have overlooked your transgressions simply because of your affinity to my wife. Still, I am disheartened and disappointed with the way you address your queen in her own home. The guards will escort you back to your chambers.”

You hear your mother and father trying to argue and protest, saying something about you being ‘too proud’ and ‘forgetting your place’ but you’re so dumbfounded you can’t make out the details. The guards lead them out of the dining room through one of the tall pairs of doors. When they close behind them, everything goes silent - the brick walls muffle any turmoil your parents might be causing.

Suddenly, your throat constricts. It’s hard to take a breath. Has it always been so hot in here? The tips of your fingers tingle, blood never reaching them.

He threw them out and you didn’t say anything. If they didn’t hate you before, they surely do now. You’re a disappointment, not their child. They haven’t done anything wrong, after all. You’re no good, useless, ungrateful, dramatic.

Suffocating with panic, you run out of the room through a different pair of doors, across the dining hall from the ones behind which your parents had recently disappeared. You hear Nikolai’s footsteps behind you but they are muffled by the noise of bloodflow ringing in your ears.

“Hey, talk to me,” he calls out in a soft voice. You turn around to look at him. His hand is almost at the height of your shoulder but it momentarily drops as though he just backed out from touching you. “What’s going on?”

For a man as smart as him, that’s a really stupid question.

“Why did you do that, Nikolai?” you snap at him.

His eyebrows furrow slightly. A gasp of disbelief brushes past his lips - he clearly thought the two of you were on the same page. “They were insulting you over and over again. I couldn’t just sit and listen to that.”

Truly, you should have expected that. He’s been adamant about standing up to your parents from the very beginning. Still, you’re angry that he just had to be stubborn and do the one thing you explicitly asked him not to do.

“What happened to laugh at insults? Isn’t that your own advice?”

“It is.” Nikolai finally finds it in himself to place his hands on your shoulders. “But I found myself unable to remain collected when the bitter words were aimed at you.” His palms brush against your dress and the skin of your neck until they’re cradling your face.

“I can,” you state firmly. “You should have let me handle this, I’m used to this.”

You escape his loving grasp and he lets you. Walking forward away from him, you’re not quite sure where exactly you’re heading. ‘Away’ would be a lovely direction but quite impossible when you’re confined to those four walls of marble and gold.

“You shouldn’t be,” Nikolai calls out after you.

Suddenly, you halt. You look at him around your shoulder. “What?”

“You shouldn’t be used to being treated like this,” he says in a defeated tone while walking towards you again. “They just keep putting you down, humiliating you. You’re not even slightly upset about that?”

“Of course, I am but…” you hang your voice, finally questioning your own feelings towards your parents. “It’s unfair for me to be angry with them. Ungrateful. I never went hungry or cold. They gave me medication when I was sick and made sure I went to school. Every year they’d give me something for my birthday. Neither of them has ever raised their hand against me. They’ve done all they could to give me a good life. Who am I to complain?”

“You’re the Queen,” he drones the word. His hand holds the side of your face again, thumb lovingly brushing your cheek. “People say your name in the same breath as the names of all the Saints. When I don’t know what to do or what decision to make, I always ask myself what you would do. And I’ve never once regretted that. There are important people who have agreed to my invitation only after hearing that you’ll be there too. You change everything. So you get to be angry when someone refuses to see that. I know you can take a few mean words but I don’t want you to.”

For a moment, the two of you stand in comfortable, intimate silence. Your absent gaze is stuck to the floor as you’re pondering his words. Whenever you’re about to accept that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing something good and important, the voice of your mother echoes inside your head: ‘Vain’. But Nikolai wouldn’t lie to you, would he? At least not in those circumstances.

“Can you keep a secret?” he speaks up quietly, bringing your attention back to him.

“Don’t tell me you put a wild racoon in my parent’s bedroom,” you joke, surprising yourself at your newly-found humour.

He scrunches his nose. “Alright, can you keep two secrets?” The echo of the empty halls carries your bright laughter. “To be honest, I wanted to marry you the moment you argued with me about stealing that merchant frigate in Kerch.”

“I could tell,” you answer with a slow nod. “You had a really stupid look on your face, all dazed and absent. In fact, you wore the same one on our wedding day.”

Nikolai’s lips turn into a playful smile and he’s about to say something definitely smart and smooth but a servant interrupts him:

“Your most royal highness,” she says nervously as she curtsies, “your mother wishes to see you. She seems thoroughly upset, if I may say so.” Judging by her fearful, wide-open eyes, she must have gotten a taste of your parents' hurt ego.

Anxiety once again floods your mind. Maybe you should go, apologize and pray they won’t go on a tirade about ‘raising you differently’. But then you hear Nikolai inconspicuously but meaningfully clear his throat.

‘You’re the queen’, his voice echoes in your head. A queen doesn’t cower and bow her head, does she?

“Tell her I don’t take visitations tonight,” you order the servant.

“Right away, моя царица.” She can’t hide the waver in her voice. Judging by her already fearful demeanour, she can guess quite well what will happen the moment she relays the information.

Yes, you will have to warn your parents that they actually can’t hurl insults at your servants. It’s going to be challenging, yes, but this newfound confidence is a ferocious beast, driving you to own up to the title of the queen - not in the way your mother and father want you to but in a way that you need to.

“Oh, one more thing.” The girl immediately stops and turns around at the sound of your voice. “Make sure they don’t leave their wing until either of us says so. I don’t want them wandering around my home.”

“Of course, my Queen.”

The servant bows again and leaves the two of you in a rushed step. Nikolai waits until she disappears around the corner to let his hand drop to the small of your back. He leans in close, indecently so. “I love it when you get all commanding,” he whispers against your neck.

An airy laugh leaves your lips as he pecks the soft skin behind your ear.

____

мой царь [mo-ee tzar] -> my tsar/king

моя царица [mo-ya tsa-ree-tsa] -> my tsaritsa/queen

#nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov #nikolai x reader #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bones x you

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milliesfishes · 12 days ago

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౨ৎ꣑ৎHeart Shaped Locks౨ৎ꣑ৎ

[fem reader] contains: abusive family pairing: fem reader x billy the kid summary: you don't understand why billy still wants you author’s note: billy fic!! it's a little short but <3 Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

The grass was soft on Billy's back. He adjusted his arm, careful not to shift you too much. A quiet breeze ruffled the leaves of the tree you were lying under, causing the shade to dance over your face, the sun beaming on you in patterns. You smiled softly; the lines usually held in place when you were closer to home melting away. He loved it when you became like this, as close to relaxed as you'd ever been.

"You're cozy," you said softly, nuzzling your head into his shoulder. Billy leaned in to press his lips to your temple. The idea that anyone at all could find comfort in him was still astounding. The fact that it was you was unbelievable.

He let his hand fall to your waist, rubbing just slightly. "Good." You settled your hand on his chest, smiling softly. What he wouldn't give to have that smile before his eyes at all times. He dreamt of having that someday, of being able to wake up every morning and see you beside him. For now, he had this, and it was enough.

"I wish we could stay here forever." You echoed his thoughts, and he pulled you closer, so your face was close to his neck.

"I know, sweetheart," he whispered, reaching up to smooth your hair. "I wish it too."

"I don't wanna go home," you mumbled, and Billy nodded, his heart heavy at the thought of you having to go back there. It wasn't a place he wanted you to be any of the time, let alone every night when he had to bring you back. "My brothers have been in a mood. It's a miracle I was able to get out today."

His hand moved to the side of your head without thinking, protecting with no visible object. "Do you wanna stay with me tonight?"

When he drew back to look into your eyes, you were solemn, the stress creeping back into your body. He could feel your shoulders tensing, see your jaw clench. You bit the side of your cheek, eyes on his hand as you thought. He didn't move it a muscle. "I want to."

"Hmm." He'd known a no was more likely when he asked. Billy used his hand on your head to thumb the side of your face. "We could have dinner."

"In public?" You sounded nervous. Billy remembered the dirty looks the last time you'd shared a meal in town together.

He shook his head. "No, just you 'n me. My place."

Your eyes were tired. Tracing your fingers up and down his chest, you murmured, "I'd better not."

Despite his expectations, a little strike of disappointment painted his chest. But he kept it out of his voice. "That's okay."

"I want to stay," you mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he promised, rubbing your back. "We'll just have a nice day here."

He repeated it over the course of the afternoon, trying to reassure you. It was obvious that you felt bad, and so he showered you in extra love. Kisses, cuddling, soft words. You got it all over the next few hours.

Billy always had an uneasy feeling whenever he dropped you off at home, and it didn't go away today. He lifted you off the horse, pressing a kiss to your forehead and rubbing the backs of your hands with his own. "Are you gonna be okay?"

He watched you paste on a smile. "Of course. I'll see you later." You stood on tiptoes, kissing his cheek before you scurried back to the house. Billy didn't take his eyes off you until you disappeared behind the door, waving at him from the porch.

For the entire ride home, Billy couldn't shake the feeling. It usually wore off by the time he passed the tree close to his cabin, but today it stuck with him, growing roots in his chest and spreading like a disease.

You said you were okay. He tried to remind himself. You were okay. You were okay. This was far from the first time he'd brought you home, and it wouldn't be the last.

But still, it plagued him still, a chasm carved into him that his heart was about to collapse into.

Droplets were pounding on the roof, but Billy hardly minded it. If anything, the rain was soothing, creating noise to distract him from his worries. You hadn't left his mind once, something dread inducing gnawing at his gut.

He dressed himself for bed, telling himself he'd check on you first thing tomorrow morning. Heaven knew if he'd be able to sleep, but he'd at least try. He had to respect that you'd have told him if something was wrong.

But what if something happened when you got home? Billy shook his head, pulling the covers over himself. In the morning. He'd see you in the morning and you'd be fine and he'd be able to hold you and know you were safe.

You didn't have anyone to protect you except him. Nobody to take care of you. It was something he could hardly fathom. How could anyone know you and not want to give you every bit of love and affection you needed and more?

"She's fine," he repeated to himself, staring at the ceiling. "She's fine."

He missed the knock the first time it happened, lost in the sound of the rain and the lure of his own thoughts. But the second time, he sat up, reaching for the gun on his nightstand. Reaching for his pants, he yanked that on, throwing one suspender over his shoulder and approaching the door with caution. This was the danger of settling- it was easier for an enemy to find him.

When he swung the door open, gun drawn, the sight of you, soaking wet and shivering, met his eyes. Billy's chest felt hollow. He set his gun aside, reaching for you and pulling you inside.

You were dripping water onto the floor, arms folded around yourself. Billy ignored all of this, pulling you into his chest and smoothing down your hair. "Oh, sweet girl...c'mere, let's get you somethin' else to wear."

He led you to the bedroom, sitting you on the bed and grabbing a shirt of his. "Can you unbutton your dress for me, honey?" When he turned around, you were fumbling at your buttons with shaky fingers. Billy knelt in front of you, taking over after you nodded at his silent asking.

Your skin was cold, and he held back the line of questioning on his tongue, concentrating on getting you into the shirt. The sleeves fell over your hands, the hem to your thighs, but he figured it was a good thing. You'd be warmer that way.

"Alright." Billy got up and returned with the blanket he saved for winter nights, getting you under the covers and spreading it out over you. As soon as he got into bed, you were burrowing into his chest, sniffling. He held you to him with one big hand over the back of your head, making sure the blanket was covering your shoulders.

After a moment of lying there, he found it in him to approach it. Billy held his lips to your head for a moment. "What happened, sweetheart?"

You sniffled again, your cold hands under his shirt. "M-my brothers saw me with you and t-they didn't like it-" Your breathing was getting erratic, and Billy held you tight to him, rubbing your back gently.

"Shh," he soothed. "Sweetheart...did you walk all the way here?"

The quiet nod against his chest confirmed it, and he sighed, kissing your hair again. "I knew somethin' was wrong. I could feel it all night."

"I'm sorry I came here," you started, but he shook his head, rubbing your back carefully.

"Baby, I'm glad you came here," he soothed, kissing your hair. "I always want you to come to me."

You sat up, staring at the pattern of the blanket over your legs. Billy watched you, leaning against the back of the bed. He could almost hear your thoughts spinning.

"Why are you with me?" you asked softly, bringing your knees to your chest.

Billy was frozen in place for a moment. He tried to formulate a response, but it almost felt like being kicked in the ribs.

You continued, fidgeting with the blanket. "We can hardly go anywhere in public because everyone hates my family. You have to deal with every time they make me feel bad. I can't stay with you as much...just..." your eyes found his, teary and about to spill over. "Why would you want to be with me if you have to deal with all that?"

Billy reached for you, pulling you to sit on his thighs. You let him drag you into his lap, shoulders slumped, body tired. He kept a hand at your waist, leaning you against his chest. There was a way to say what he wanted to, and he needed to get it right.

"You mean so much to me, sunshine," Billy said softly, lifting your chin so you were looking at him. "You light up my whole world. I don't know what I'd do without you." When your tears began to spill over, his thumb was right there to catch them. "Baby...you don't deserve a single thing you've been through. I want you to be okay. And I've never thought you were a burden. Not once."

Sniffling, you hid your face in his neck. "Billy."

"You're my girl," he whispered, rubbing your side. "I love you so much. And I wanna take you away from here someday, just you 'n me."

"You and me?" you repeated softly, holding his wrist. He nodded, kissing your nose.

"You and me, darlin'," he promised, and you relaxed a little more against him. Billy eased you back into laying down, your body draped over his chest. "I'm not gonna let you go."

He was surprised by how quickly you fell asleep. Your hair was still wet, but your body was warming slowly. Billy held you tight to him, kissing your hair. You were safe and warm. He knew that for a fact.

It wasn't right yet. But you were in his bed, and nobody could hurt you here. It was a start.

#billy the kid #billy the kid x reader #billy the kid fanfiction #billy the kid 2022 #billy the kid x you #billy the kid imagine #tom blyth #billy bonney #billy mccarty #william h bonney x reader #william h bonney fanfiction #william h bonney imagine #william h bonney x you #william h bonney #billy bonney x reader #milliesfishes billy #Spotify

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diamonddaze01 · 2 months ago

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HIIIIIHIHI just discovered your blog and read the jeonghan drabble with prompt 75 and OH MY GAWDDD I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING. The flow, the banter, the chemistry just mwah mwah mwahhhhhh, ik i HAD to come and send in a req (before reading alllll of other works cuz i expect them to be just as good, if not, better)

Idk if it's done already but I would LOVE love for you to do a seungkwan drabble with prompts 29 & 39 (maybe a little sprinkle of rivalry there). I'm just a sucker for coworker!seungkwan and i feel like your writing would do him justice

morning rush

pairing: seungkwan x reader | wc: 1.1k prompt: "It’s been fun. We’ve had a good run, but you parked in my spot. I’m going to have to kill you now." and "Why don’t they just kiss already?" au: office au, rivals to ???? | warnings: none! a/n: nonie this is so so sweet, i really hope i did your ask justice <33

The low hum of Seungkwan’s car filled the parking garage as he turned the corner, his morning ritual of peace and perfection rolling along smoothly. His go-to playlist blasted one of his favorite songs, the kind that put a spring in his step even before caffeine. Today was supposed to be his day.

Until it wasn’t.

He hit the brakes so suddenly his car jerked forward, and his half-full coffee cup jostled precariously in the holder. For a moment, he just stared, blinking as if to will the sight before him to disappear.

But there it was. Your car. Parked in his spot.

Not just any spot. The closest one to the elevator—the spot Seungkwan had earned through months of arriving early, guarding his little slice of heaven like a hawk. And now, it was occupied by your obnoxiously familiar vehicle, complete with a dusty rear window and that godforsaken bumper sticker: My other car is a broomstick.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, pulling out his phone to snap a picture of the heinous crime. As the camera clicked, he already imagined how this confrontation would go. Maybe he’d send the picture to you with a passive-aggressive caption like, Are you training for the villain role in my life movie? Or maybe he’d just frame it as evidence to present in court.

Instead, he parked three levels down—three—seething as he trekked up the stairs. The elevator was out of the question; he had to burn off this rage somehow.

By the time he stepped into the office, Seungkwan had rehearsed a dozen opening lines, each one more cutting than the last. He spotted you by the coffee machine, humming softly as you fixed your morning latte, the picture of carefree oblivion.

“You parked in my spot,” he announced, his voice sharper than a stapler misfire.

You turned leisurely, the mug in your hand halfway to your lips. “Good morning to you too, Boo.”

“Don’t ‘good morning’ me,” he snapped, setting his bag on the counter beside you with a thud. “You stole my parking spot.”

“Oh, your spot?” you asked innocently, raising an eyebrow. “Didn’t see your name on it.”

“It’s implied,” he shot back, his tone dripping with indignation.

“Implied?” You tilted your head, as if mulling over the word like it was foreign to you. “Implied where? In your head?”

“Yes, in my head, and in reality,” he hissed. “I’ve been parking there for months. Everyone knows it’s my spot. It’s common knowledge—practically office law.”

“Well, maybe you should get here earlier next time,” you said with a shrug, taking a sip of your coffee as if his mounting frustration was the whipped cream on your morning.

“Earlier?” he repeated, his voice climbing an octave. “You want me to arrive earlier? I already beat half this building here every day!”

“Sounds like a you problem,” you said, grinning over the rim of your mug.

Seungkwan’s jaw dropped. “You have no shame.”

“None at all,” you replied cheerfully, setting your mug down with a satisfying clink.

“This isn’t just about the parking spot,” he said, stepping closer. “This is about respect. This is about decency. This is about maintaining order in a world that’s already too chaotic!”

“Oh, please.” You waved a hand dismissively. “You’re acting like I set fire to your cubicle. It’s a parking spot, Seungkwan. Relax.”

“It’s not just a parking spot!” His hands flew to his hair in exasperation. “It’s a symbol of—of stability! And you—you’re—”

“An agent of chaos?” you supplied, smirking.

“Yes!”

“Good. Chaos suits me.”

His mouth opened, clearly ready to fire back, but something sharper came to his mind. He folded his arms and gave you a pointed look. “It’s been fun. We’ve had a good run, but you parked in my spot. I’m going to have to kill you now.”

You snorted, utterly unfazed. “Go ahead. Who else is going to keep you on your toes every day?”

“I could finally have peace,” he retorted, the corner of his mouth twitching despite himself.

“Oh, Boo.” You patted his arm mockingly. “You wouldn’t know what to do with peace if it hit you in the face.”

He sputtered, pointing an accusing finger at you. “You’re insufferable.”

You raised your coffee cup in mock surrender. “Big words for someone who couldn’t out-present me in the pitch meeting yesterday.”

“I didn’t lose! The client just liked your ridiculous use of emojis in your slideshow.”

“You’re jealous my slides had pizzazz. Admit it.”

The sound of snickering cut through the tension, drawing both your attention.

Soonyoung and Seokmin stood by the printer, blatantly eavesdropping.

“Why don’t they just kiss already?” Soonyoung stage-whispered, nudging Seokmin with his elbow.

Seokmin snorted, shaking his head. “Seriously. The tension is suffocating. I can’t focus on my spreadsheets with all this unresolved sexual energy.”

You blinked, your brain stalling for a split second before indignation kicked in. “Excuse me?”

Seungkwan turned on them, scandalized. “Are you delusional? I wouldn’t kiss this…this – spot-stealer if my life depended on it.”

“Good,” you shot back immediately. “Because I’d rather make out with a parking meter.”

He glared at you. “Why are you so obsessed with me?”

“Obsessed?” You let out a laugh. “You wish I was obsessed with you.”

“Oh my god,” Soonyoung groaned, throwing his head back like he was personally offended by the lack of progress. “This is painful to watch. Just kiss already!”

Seungkwan turned to him, eyes blazing. “Do you want to lose printer privileges for the rest of the week?”

“Do you want to admit you’re projecting?” Soonyoung countered, grinning like he’d just won a debate.

You pressed your lips together, biting back a smile as you grabbed your mug and brushed past Seungkwan. “See you tomorrow, Boo. And don’t forget to set your alarm earlier.”

“Unbelievable!” he called after you, throwing his hands in the air.

Behind him, Soonyoung and Seokmin exchanged a knowing look.

“Ten bucks says they’re making out in the parking lot by Friday,” Soonyoung said.

“Twenty says in front of Seungkwan’s parking spot,” Seokmin replied.

Seungkwan spun on them, his glare scorching. “I can hear you!”

“We want you to,” Soonyoung replied smugly, grabbing his freshly printed documents. “Someone has to make you face the truth.”

As they walked away, Seungkwan turned back toward your retreating figure, still fuming. But somewhere beneath the indignation, a tiny, treacherous thought crept into his mind.

Maybe chaos did suit you after all.

send me an ask for my drabble game!

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gummydummy19 · 1 year ago

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A White Christmas

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Male Reader

Summary: You and your boyfriend Steve have the tower to yourself this Christmas :))

Content Warnings: Smut (handjob, use of toys, cum eating, anal, top M reader, bottom Steve Rogers, slight degradation, daddy kink...), fluff, horrible Christmas puns :))

A/N: @sozombiearcade thank you so much for this lovely Christmas request and for being so patient with me <3, I hope you enjoy it. Merry Christmas everyone!!xxx

Word Count: 1860+

The streets of New York were packed. People desperately scattered around trying to find a last-minute Christmas present. It was absolutely freezing, or at least that's what it looked like. You were nice and warm up in Stark Tower, with a book on your lap.

You smiled to yourself as you glanced over to the big, beautiful Christmas tree, the neatly wrapped present you bought your boyfriend immediately catching your eye.

The Tower is quiet, aside from your Christmas playlist you have on repeat. Thor and Loki went back to Asgard, Nat and Bruce went over to Clint and his family during the Holidays, Sam invited Bucky to join him and his sister for Christmas dinner and Tony took Pepper skiing in Aspen. Leaving you and your boyfriend Steve alone in the Tower, which you had decorated excessively.

The smell of gingerbread slowly invades your senses and you hear Steve hum along with "Jingle Bells" from the kitchen. Sadly, his happy humming stops and gets replaced by an upset whine and a naughty word or two.

'Language!', you yell with a grin, but when you don't hear a reply, you decide to put your book aside and make your way to the kitchen.

'Stevie, everything okay?' you ask as you stick your head through the doorframe. Steve is looking down at his tray of freshly baked cookies with a defeated look.

"What's wrong, honey? They look great!" you ask as you walk closer.

"I forgot to buy icing." The look on his face breaks your heart, but admittedly the little pout on his face is quite adorable. Truth be told, he has been looking insanely good all day.

Steve is not only an attractive man, he also cares a lot about hygiene. Back in the 40s he didn't have all the luxuries he has today, and when he goes on missions he sometimes can't shower or shave for weeks. So when he's home, he showers and shaves every single morning after his run. He hates body hair, so he was always perfectly sleek...everywhere.

"Oh Stevie, that's okay...they still look good without the icing," you reassure him, looking down at the gingerbread men.

"They look naked." he points out with a frown on his face.

You grin, pulling Steve closer and pressing a sweet kiss on his neck. "I do love my men naked..." you mumble as you nibble on his ear, hoping to cheer him up a little.

Unfortunately, the defeated look on Steve's face didn't go away that easily. "Aw, Stevie..." you cooed, wrapping your arms around him, "you know I hate to see you sad," your lips found his neck again while your arms squeezed him tighter to your chest.

Steve's breath hitched when you found his sweet spot, nibbling on it while your hands gently grabbed his hips, pulling his ass flush against your hardening cock. His hands grabbed the counter for balance as he whined, feeling your bulge grind against his ass.

"I'm sure we can figure something out...let me turn that frown upside down, baby, hmm?"

"Yes, daddy", Steve moaned obediently.

"Wanna touch daddy's cock? Hmm? Would that make you happy? Wanna jerk me off, baby?", you teased.

"Yes, daddy..." he whined.

"Ask daddy nicely, baby,"

"Please, daddy, please," he bucked his hips forward.

"Please, what?" you taunted.

"Please can I touch you, daddy, can I jerk you off, please..." he begged.

"Good boy...of course baby, c'mere," you packed up a little, allowing Steve to turn around. He immediately dropped to his knees and pulled down your sweats, noticing that you were already rock-hard.

"What a slutty boy..." you groaned, spitting in your hand before reaching down to stroke your hard cock.

You groaned at the feeling, letting your eyes fall shut for a second until you heard Steve whine impatiently.

You looked down at him, "Touch daddy's cock, Stevie", you commanded and he immediately did as he was told, squeezing your dick tightly as he stroked it up and down before twisting his first over your tip.

As you felt yourself creep closer to the edge, the tray of cookies caught your eye. You reached over, pulling it closer while Steve sped up his movements around your throbbing cock.

"That's it, baby...be a good boy and make daddy cum."

It only took a couple more strokes until you fell over the edge with a loud groan. Your body shook a little as you tried your best to aim for the platter, covering the gingerbread men with your sticky, white cum.

"Fuck, Steve...", you couldn't help but groan, "good fucking boy..."

You pulled him up against you, fumbling to pull your sweatpants up in the meantime. You let him drop his head on your shoulder as you did the same. Your mouth found the pulse point on his neck, feeling his rapid heartbeat against your lips.

You looked at the counter, observing the wonderful mess you had made. "Look at that, Stevie...your gingerbread men aren't so naked anymore", you grinned, picking up one of the cookies that was covered in cum and bringing it to his mouth. He took a large bite, savoring your familiar taste.

"Delicious...", he hummed, looking at you in adoration. You couldn't help but pull him in for a passionate kiss, tasting the sweetness of his cookies and the saltiness of your...icing.

"I think you deserve to open one of your Christmas presents early, what do you think?"

"Yeah?", he blushed and you nodded, taking his hand and pulling him to the living room.

"Say, Stevie, have you been naughty or nice this year?" you smirked and you pushed your boyfriend back on the couch.

"Is that a trick question?" he grinned, making you smile.

"Hmm," you couldn't help but kiss him again before getting up and grabbing a neatly wrapped box from under the tree.

"Naughty and/or nice, you've definitely been my good boy this year", you praised.

Steve gently ripped open the packaging, his cheeks tinting red again as he saw what you had gifted him. It was a navy blue, vibrating stroker.

"Do you like it?", you asked, grinning when Steve nodded franticly.

"Wanna try it?", you asked, trying to contain the twinkle in your eyes.

He nodded again, this time a bit more shy.

"You want uh...do you wanna...or...you want me to...uhm...", he stuttered, making you chuckle before leaning in closer.

"I wanna use it on you, Stevie, if that's okay?"

"Y-yeah, yes, absolutely."

His enthusiasm alone made your cock stir again.

"That's my good boy," you mumbled against his lips, "take off your pants and play with yourself while I go get the lube,"

Steve's pants hit the floor before you even made it out of the living room. When you got back, merely a couple seconds later, you found him panting on the couch with his cock in his hand.

"Merry Christmas indeed," you stated, dropping down next to him. Your hand quickly took over from his, pumping him a couple times until he was a moaning mess.

"Turn around", you commanded and he obeyed immediately, giving you a clear view of his shaven asshole.

"Fuck, you know, I hate it when they call this America's ass. This is my ass, all mine," you grumbled, giving his cheek a good squeeze followed by a light smack.

"Ah...yes, daddy, all yours, please touch me, daddy", he pleaded.

"Yeah? Want me to touch you? Want daddy to fill your stocking, hm?"

Steve couldn't help but giggle a little at your awful pun, earning him another spank.

"Shut up," you chuckled, before reaching to grab the lube and applying a good amount on his bare hole and your fingers.

Steve moaned loudly as you slid a finger inside, prepping him for your hardening cock. You slowly worked him open, adding another finger while your other hand gently traced his skin.

"Ready for my cock, Stevie?" you questioned after a couple minutes, noticing he was getting harder and more desperate.

"Yes, please...please"

You used some more lube to cover your cock, stroking it a few times before pressing it to Steve's hole. Slowly but steadily you slid inside him. Both of you let out a string of whines and groans, your hands holding onto his hips as you fucked him slowly from behind.

You gave him some time to adjust before you grabbed the toy, adding a little bit of lube to that as well.

"C'mere, Stevie, lean up a bit...like this", you gently grabbed his shoulder, making him lean his back against your chest so you had easier access to his smoothly-shaven cock. The toy slid over him with ease.

"Oh shit, daddy!" he moaned when you turned up the vibrations, stroking the toy while starting to fuck into him again.

"Fuck, baby, doing so good, my good boy", you praised as you picked up the pace, positively destroying his asshole.

Your free hand roamed over his strong, hairless chest, pinching his nipple in the process.

"Ah, f-fuck..." he stuttered, his head lulling back against your shoulder.

you chuckled, "You like it when I play with your nipples, hmm? Such a desperate little slut...look at you, I've only just started and your cock is already leaking", you taunted, feeling the sticky drops land on your fingers.

"Please, daddy...fuck, that feels so good..."

That was your cue to turn up the vibrations, making Steve keen in pleasure. His hands for your arms, trying to keep himself grounded.

You angled your hips up a little, hitting his spot perfectly.

"Fuuucckk, daddy, right there! Please please please can I cum? Can I cum please m'so close...", he begged, tears welling in his eyes.

"Cum for me you fucking slut, cum for me while I fuck your ass."

And he did. Hard.

Steve's cum shot out of his dick in thick ropes, covering his own stomach and chest.

You fucked him roughly through his high, before discarding the toy and pulling out of him.

"Turn around!" you roared, as you jerked yourself off at a fast pace, ready to tumble over the edge.

Steve clumsily dropped to his knees, just in time to catch the hot spurts of cum all over his face.

You yelled out his name, screwing your eyes shut as pleasure consumed you.

"Fucking hell..." you huffed out. Your eyes fluttered open and you were met with an absolutely ruined Steve, leaning exhausted against the couch, covered in both your and his own cum.

You dropped down beside him, pulling him close. "You did so good for me, you're so hot, so perfect...", you mumbled, trying to bring him back down to earth with sweet words and gentle kisses.

"You okay?", you asked, taking in his fucked out look.

"Hmm", was all he could muster, looking at you with a dopey grin plastered all over his face.

"Looks like you got a white Christmas this year, huh?", you grinned.

"Oh, shut up", he chuckled, playfully hitting your shoulder.

The two of you cuddled for a while after that, before taking a nice hot shower together. Though in hindsight, that might have been a bit pointless, since Steve still had to give you his gift too....

Taglist;

@metalbuckaroo @princessayveke @montsepliego @scxrletrecsmarvel @hopelesslyrogers @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @tfandtws @vicmc624 @ahahafudge @enchantedbarnes @wickedravyn @pono-pura-vida @amayaraestyles @matchat3a @fictional-hooman @sebastianexplicit @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @jamneuromain @tryingtoliveonmywishes @mrsevans90 @daybreak96 @tiredqueen73 @fallingforunrealisticromance @identity2212 @randomweirdoss @ragamuffin285 @juliaorpll78 @geralts-yenn @imjusthereforliam @bangtanstoeart @squeezyvalkyrie @enchantedbytomandhenry @superduckmilkshake @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @missgaygurl @foxyjwls007 @mollymal @urmomsgirlfriend1 @luxeydior

#steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers smut #captain america smut #captain america #steve rogers #smut #fluff #Christmas

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nwjws · 1 year ago

Text

while you were sleeping - pjs

; PAIRING - jay x gn!reader

; SYNOPSIS - in which you’ve had the same album on repeat, unable to get it out of your mind. just like how jay, your roommate, can’t seem to get you out of his.

; WC - 1.4k (minus the lyrics)

; TAGS - college roommates au, fluff, from jay's pov, based off laufey's 'while you were sleeping' ; WARNINGS - not proofread

i still can't believe that you noticed me

mindlessly scrolling on your phone, you patiently wait for your roommate, park jay, to finish cooking up some breakfast. a comfortable silence has settled between you two, with the only sounds being the sizzling oil on the pan and your humming.

"you've been listening to the same 14 songs for the past week."

"what?" you ask, looking up at him. you stare at his back, broad shoulders exposed by his tank top.

he turns his head to look back at you over his shoulder, raising a perfect eyebrow. you realise then what he's saying.

laufey had released a new album last week, and you literally haven't played any other song outside of it since it dropped. you can feel jay judging you, but you just shrug at him. you were definitely not stopping.

"so what if i've had bewitched on repeat? can you deny that they're good?" you challenged him.

"no, of course not," he chuckled to himself, turning back to the pan. "i'm just surprised you haven't gotten sick of it yet."

"i would never get sick of laufey," you say with mock offence.

"alright, then," he said with a teasing undertone.

you wanted to retort, but he placed a plate in front of you, making you forget what you were going to say.

"hey, you have a later clinical today, right?" he asked as you two dug in.

"mhm."

"take the box i left in the fridge with you before you go then. its some extra lunch i made so you'd have enough energy to get through the day."

"thank you," you say appreciatively. "you really don't have to do that every time i have a heavier day."

"well, if i have time to, then i don't see why i shouldn't."

"what about you? what are you doing today?"

"my professor cancelled class today, so i'll go check out if i can bother heeseung or jake."

"i'll pray for whichever victim you choose, then," you joke.

"maybe i won't make you extra lunch next time," he pouted playfully.

"no, no. those actually really help me. god knows if i didn't score you as my roommate, i would have passed out several times by now."

"grateful to be of service"

after breakfast, jay lounges around the apartment as you're getting ready. some show plays on the tv, but it doesn't drown out the sound of must be love playing from your speakers.

you shout your leaving when you exit the shared apartment, and jay wishes you a good day. he watches you close the door, leaving him completely alone.

i'll never forget the first time i saw you then

when he drives to the shopping centre with jake later that day, he pauses mid-sentence when he realises something.

"is everything good?" his friend asks.

"yeah, i just recognised the song playing."

"really? you listen to from the start by laufey?" jake asks. he had decided to connect his phone to jay's carplay, and had been in the one in control of the playlist.

"not really, but my roommate does."

"y/n? that's pretty cool. they've got good music taste," he replies.

"they've had her newest album on repeat since she dropped it," jay laughs, eyes on the road.

"do you find that annoying?"

"of course not, it's funny seeing them prance around the apartment, belting their heart out," he laughs at a memory of you singing at the top of your lungs. "i guess i'm more of a second-hand listener now? if that's even a thing."

"probably," jake shrugs.

a light pink bouquet, a promise you'll stay and i start to believe

the two had decided to eat out at wagamama's first, before anything else.

"i think i'll get the pad thai," tells the waitor, who nods and notes it on his ipad.

"hm, i'm feeling like trying the grilled chicken ramen," jay says. "oh, could i also get the miso mixed vegetable salad to-go?"

"sure," the waitor replies. he pockets the small device in his apron, and leaves for the kitchen.

"you ordered another meal?" the younger asks curiously.

"me and y/n go here often. of course, i had to get them something. usually, they'll go for the typical miso salad, or some curry, but they've decided they wanted to try being vegan recently. so i got the vegan one," jay explains nonchalantly.

"wow, you really care a lot about them, huh?"

"of course, we're sharing the rent, after all. have to be a good roommate, otherwise they'll leave and i'll have to pay the bills on my own."

"maybe i should get a roommate," jake chuckles. "but i don't think i'd be able to get someone like you."

"i'd feel sorry for whoever ends up with you," jay teases him. "and anyway, they're a good roommate. they do the laundry for the both of us, and we usually spend the weekends cleaning together."

"you guys are so lucky," is all jake says.

i don't recognise myself ; who've i become?

jake dragged jay into their third clothing shop that day, despite jay's protests. in self-defence, jake whines about needing some new shoes.

"don't you have like, thirty pairs? what could you possibly need another one for?"

"actually, i only have twenty-eight. and i need one for graduation, of course."

"right, because none of your almost-thirty pairs suffice," jay rolls his eyes.

"don't act like you dont have seventy pairs of the same polo shirt."

"i don't!"

"i've seen your closet, don't lie to me."

jay sighs and leaves jake to wander around the shop on his own.

"there you go again, buying another shirt," jake's voice sighs from behind jay fifteen minutes later.

"not for me," jay shakes his head. he turns to show the clothing piece to his friend. "for y/n. this is definitely their style, and it'll fit them so well. they have a pair of shoes that are this exact colour, so it would be good outfit if they sandwhich it with any bottom piece they choose."

"you think a lot about your roommate," jake raises his eyebrow at him.

"i see them all the time, why wouldn't i?" jay asks.

"no, like, you think too much about y/n considering you're 'only roommates'," he says with a quote gesture.

"stop suggesting weird things," jay walks ahead to the counter, leaving jake to follow behind.

"is it really so weird, though? if you like y/n like that?"

jay just ignores him, and pays for the shirt. it's not, he thinks to himself, because it's not a new thought either.

i trace it all back, 3:30 am that night something turned in my heart

"thank you, jay," you hug him when he shows you what he got. "you really need to stop buying me things."

"i can't help it," he smiles. "when i see something that reminds me of you, i just feel like i have to get it."

"with how often you buy me things, i'd say a lot of things remind you of me, huh?"

"seems like it..." he scratches his nape, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with you. thanks jake, he scowls in his mind. now he can't stop thinking about what he said earlier.

you and jay decide to watch a movie the next night, since it was a friday, and neither of you had to be up early the next day.

but jay couldn't focus on the tv when you two were basically cuddling under the shared blanket on the sofa. his skin prickled where his arm hung around your shoulder, and the weight of your head on his made him feel light and airy.

the warmth of your body seeped through your clothes, and brought him immense comfort. your sweet scent filled his nose, subconsciously recognising it to be one of the perfumes he'd bought you.

it was only when the movie ended he realised he hadn't been watching at all. and neither were you, if your light snores were any indication.

he huffed amusedly to himself, and shifted on the sofa to get you two in a more comfortable position, actually lying down. reaching for the remote, he carefully switched off the tv, leaving the only source of light to be a soft, warm yellow coming from a corner lamp.

jay stared at your features, illuminated by the dim light. he realised right then, in the comfort of your arms, far into the night, what he felt for you.

while you were sleeping, i fell in love.

; AUTHOR'S CORNER! do u guys ever feel like throwing up at your own work? ALSO THANK YOU FOR 200 this is my offer of thanks 🤭

; TAGLIST - @lovelovelovebts @miyseung @babyy-bambii

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fluentmoviequoter · 11 months ago

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Our Songs

Requested Here! Here's the Instagram video that inspired this amazing request!!

Pairing: David "Deacon" Kay x fem!wife!reader

Summary: Deacon sings your song every chance he gets, but when he finds out why you love to hear him sing, he introduces more Sinatra into your life.

Warnings: fluff!!! song lyrics are italicized! if you're only interested in Deacon x reader, stop at the double divider because there's a baby past that break.

Word Count: 1.0k+ words

Playlist (in order of inclusion): I've Got You Under My Skin, You Make Me Feel So Young, The Best is Yet To Come, From the Bottom to the Top, All My Tomorrows (all by Frank Sinatra)

Picture from Pinterest (crossing my fingers that I haven't used this one already but not taking the time to check)

Deacon Kay is a man of many talents. Since meeting Deacon and falling in love with him, every day, you learn about a talent you haven’t seen before. There’s nothing he can’t do, as far as you’re concerned, and you become more convinced of this after you get married.

When you get home from a long day, Deacon is in the kitchen, and you’re greeted by a mouth-watering scent. You take a deep breath, releasing the tension and stress left over from the day. Walking toward the kitchen, you stop when you hear Deacon humming. As you lean against the island, you watch his back as he stirs a pot on the stove before bending to check the pan in the oven. His humming continues, and you close your eyes as you place the song. It played during your first date, and Deacon decided it was your song, so you played it at your wedding, on your honeymoon, and many times after.

“You know,” you begin quietly, “if I’d known you sounded better than Sinatra sooner, you would’ve been asked to sing at the wedding.”

Deacon smiles as he turns toward you. “You flatter me.”

“You make it easy.”

Deacon pulls you against him, hugging you tightly. He loosens his grip on you, but you keep your cheek pressed to his chest, his steady heartbeat a reminder of how much love you share with him. Deacon rubs your back before he sways you gently, humming again before he starts singing.

“I'd tried so, not to give in

I said to myself this affair never will go so well

But why should I try to resist when baby I know so well

I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might

For the sake of having you near

In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night

And repeats, repeats in my ear.”

“I love you,” you say against Deacon’s chest.

He pushes you out and spins you, smiling at your laugh as you lay your arms over his shoulders, hooking your hands behind his neck. Deacon wraps his arms around your waist, looking into your eyes as he begins singing again.

“You make me feel so young

You make me feel there are songs to be sung

Bells to be rung

And a wonderful fling to be flung

And even when I'm old and gray

I'm gonna feel the way I do today

'Cause you make me feel so young

You make me feel so young

You make me feel so spring has sprung

And every time I see you grin

I'm such a happy individual.”

“I’m going to fall in love with you again,” you murmur.

“Then I’m never going to stop singing,” Deacon replies, then kisses your forehead.

“Hondo will love that; you can kick down a door and then sing ‘Fly Me to the Moon.’”

“Why limit it to Sinatra? There has to be better breaching music.”

You hum in agreement, using your hands behind Deacon’s neck to pull him into a kiss. When you pull back, ready for dinner, you remind Deacon that you love him more than any song could capture or explain.

✯✯✯✯✯

When you wake up the following morning, it’s still dark outside, but Deacon’s voice is floating in from the bathroom.

“Wait 'til your charms are right for these arms to surround

You think you've flown before, but baby, you ain't left the ground

Wait 'til you're locked in my embrace

Wait 'til I draw you near

Wait 'til you see that sunshine place

Ain't nothin' like it here

The best is yet to come, and babe, won't it be fine?

The best is yet to come, come the day you're mine

Come the day you're mine

And you're gonna be mine.”

You smile as he enters the bedroom, and he returns to his rightful place beside you.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” Deacon apologizes.

“You didn’t. But I wouldn’t want to wake up to anything else.”

“I’m starting to think you love the singing more than me.”

“The opposite,” you explain. “I love the singing because it’s you.”

Deacon kisses you, and you smile into the kiss.

✯✯✯✯✯

“And when we have a little Deacon? What will you sing then?” you ask, making yourself comfortable against Deacon’s side.

With your heart pressed to his, Deacon quickly decides on a song.

“From the Bottom to the Top,” he answers.

“I may need a demonstration.”

Deacon kisses you, distracting you from your question. He hums into the kiss, and you pull yourself closer, enjoying the joy of being wholly in love with Deacon.

✯✯✯✯✯

The nursery is empty when you wake. Walking through the house, you hear Deacon and follow his voice.

“Everything I got

No, it's not a lot

From the bottom to the top

You can have all of me

I will try at one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, four

To keep you satisfied

I will try those anything, everything, anything more

To hold you by my side

You can make me laugh

You can make me cry

You can change my heart

If you'll only try

By the stars above

You can have my love.”

When you find Deacon sitting by the patio door, looking down at your baby, you can't help but smile. Moving to sit beside him, you lean your head on Deacon’s shoulder.

“Takes after you,” Deacons says softly. “The moment I start singing, the crying stops.”

“Because you sing from love,” you point out. “And we know you love us.”

“That I do,” Deacon agrees, turning to kiss you.

Your baby coos against Deacon’s chest, and you chuckle as you kiss his jaw.

“I think we need an encore.”

Deacon smiles at you before singing,

“Today I may not have a thing at all

Except for just a dream or two

But I've got lots of plans for tomorrow

And all my tomorrows belong to you.”

“All of my tomorrows are you, Mr. Kay," you whisper.

“And mine are you, Mrs. Kay.”

#david deacon kay x reader #deacon kay x reader #david kay x reader #david deacon kay #deacon kay #deacon kay fluff #requests #fem!reader #hanna writes✯

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stormy-river · 2 years ago

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Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 6

I usually put words up here... huh... what to say... (Thanks for all the continued support on this silly little project of mine)

----

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller 1: "Greetings, Mindy. We've had a human on board for a while now, and everything has seemed fine so far, but a few minutes ago I passed by his workstation and he was listening to music, and I heard some of the words in the song and now I'm concerned for the safety of my ship and crew. I don't dare repeat what I heard, but it was about a violent mutiny."

O: "Alright, this has happened a few times before. For now, I don't think you have anything to worry about, but I would like to get some more information before ending the call."

C1: "I will provide whatever I can."

O: "Great, I don't think this will take long. Do you know what the name of the song is? Or if not, can you ask the human?"

C1: "I don't know the name, but Phil should be on break, and I can add him to the call if that is alright."

O: "Sounds good."

Caller 2: "Hey, Captain! What's up? Who's on the other line?"

C1: "Greetings, Phil. This is Mindy, and we are discussing a concern I have from earlier."

O: "Hi! It's Phil, right? I'm Mindy from the Humanity Hotline. I have a couple questions for you."

C2: "Oh... what did I do this time?"

O: "Don't worry, I have a feeling it's a misunderstanding. I'm told you were listening to music earlier. Is there a specific song or playlist you were listening to?"

C2: "Um, a pop playlist I made a few weeks back."

O: "Is 'Tricked-Out Ships' on this playlist?"

C2: "Yeah, it's a banger. How'd you know?"

O: "Just a hunch. Have you listened to the lyrics?"

C2: "Eh, not really. They're kinda lost in the music, right? Should I look them up or something?"

O: "Please do."

[Approx. 3 minutes removed for lack of necessity.]

C2: "This.. is awful. The song is ruined."

C1: "You mean to tell me that humans will listen to music without knowing what they are listening to?"

O: "Not every human, and not every song, but it does happen surprisingly often."

C1: "Interesting. Thank you for your help, Mindy."

C2: [rustling and humming sounds]

O: "Happy to help. Is everything alright, Phil? There's some static or something."

C2: "Oh, it's paper. I'm writing new lyrics so I can enjoy the song again."

End Transmission

#humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans and aliens #humanity hotline

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apolloslyrics · 10 months ago

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Lazy "Wards"

So today, I was lying in my bed, and I was thinking about how I desperately did not want to refresh my wards. I was feeling tired, burned out, frustrated, and just generally awful. I knew I needed to refresh them, but I also knew that it was going to take so much effort that I didn't have. Thus began the thought:

Is there an easier way to ward my space?

Turns out there is! Now, I know wards are normally random things you put in your room and re-do every once in a while, but ✨️these ones are fun and cool✨️. I compiled a list of the five easy wards I do for when I'm feeling absolutely AWFUL. Here they are!

Morning and Night Playlists

Make two playlists— one that you'll listen to as soon as you wake up, and one that you'll listen to right before you sleep. They don't have to have any specific genre; just do what you feel like you need during those times. Maybe even create a playlist cover photo if you're feeling inspired!

Turn your fan on

I am dead serious with this one, folks. It could technically be considered cleaning, but FUCK IT. Open your window and/or your door and turn on a fan. Let that air flush OUT the energy from inside and pull IN the good shit from outside. I would probably do this like once a week. Have fun with it! Maybe even play those playlists and have a whole dance party!

Stuffed Animal of the Month

That's right. You heard me. Choose a stuffed animal that will protect your space for a month. Next month, choose a different one. Repeat that for, like, forever or whatever. The important thing is that you choose a stuffed animal, you tell them "Hey, I need you to guard my shit," and you give them LOOOOTS of cuddles in return. I love this one a little too much.

Tape a picture of a sigil on your door

This one's for the people who are able to be out as a witch. If you can't do a sigil, even putting a picture of an animal or object is good enough! Just tape it to your door, either facing you or the outside, and let it do its thing.

Incense and screaming

This is more of a cleansing method than a ward. DO IT. Open your window and/or your door again, light that shit up, and scream out all the energy that you've been building up. Tell it to get-the-fuck-out or you'll roundhouse its ass. But also find the good shit and ask it to join you!

I hope yall like this post. I really liked making it!! These methods are probably not all new, and I'm most definitely not the one who invented them, but STILL. I like them and I hope you do too!

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short-and-ugly · 6 months ago

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If you're reading this I've finished my TWO WHOLE playlists!

Here's the infinitely superior DROPBOX link to the two:

The caveat to these being that you would need to download the playlists yourself to get the fullest experiences. But like. It's totally worth it. Prommy. Super duper prommy. Please.

Here are the timestamps for the longer versions:

SKOODGE:

00:00 - Losers by The Cardigans 3:18 - Happy/Ugly by Car Seat Headrest 6:16 - Sweet Talk by Saint Motel 9:28 - Step On Me by The Cardigans 13:17 - You name it, I’ll eat it (Bring The Hate Like An 808) by Talkshow Boy 15:02 - Jenny by The Orion Experience 18:19 - I Bet On Losing Dogs by Mitski 21:09 - Will You Wanna Live If You Can't Torture Me Every Day? by Star Kid 23:15 - Ruin My Life by Lusha 25:28 - Best Person You Know by Lowertown 30:18 - Tainted by MOP 32:32 - Strange by Celeste 36:47 - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths 40:23 - I Feel A Little Bit Ugly Today by Su Lee 42:05 - 9 to 5 by Mustard Service 44:29 - Soldier In A Box by Hot Hot Heat 47:40 - Put Me To Work by Big Data 51:59 - Misery Meat by Sodikken 53:04 - Salivating by Sir Chloe 55:31 - Wars of Expansion by Space Cadets 59:52 - Normalize by Mother Mother 1:04:12 - I Don't Wanna Die by The Unicorns 1:06:15 - What Do They Know? by Mindless Self Indulgence 1:09:24 - Don't Bury Me I'm Not Dead Yet by The Riverboat Gambles 1:12:11 - Karma by AJR 1:16:18 - All I Need by Radiohead 1:20:04 - Everyone Adores You (At Least I Do) by Matt Maltese 1:23:26 - Death, Thrice Drawn by The Scary Jokes 1:26:26 - Side Character by Cloudfodder 1:29:42 - Honeysuckle by Pom Pom Squad 1:33:01 - Love's Caress by Moon Visions 1:37:52 - Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me from Waitress The Musical

PUNCHBUGGY/ZASR:

00:00 - Outside With The Cuties by Frankie Cosmos 02:33 - No Tomorrow by Le Matos (feat. PAWWS) 07:03 - 16 Mirrors by Alex G 08:30 - Ugly by Huxlee 11:05 - Glue by PHF 14:21 - Errasuriz by Kiltro 19:30 - Thermodynamic Lawyer, Esq, G.F.D. by Will Wood 23:06 - Drink To Me by Pleasantries 26:02 - Bubblegum by Matt Correa 29:37 - Second Best by Laufey 33:01 - I Hate Everyone But You by Elita 35:53 - Animal by Neon Trees 39:25 - Scroll Patrol by Rinse & Repeat 42:37 - From The Gallows by I Don't Know How But They Found Me 45:20 - Love Me Too Much by Carseat Headrest 48:41 - Ofelia by Kiltro 52:59 - Caroline Please Kill Me by Coma Cinema 54:50 - Love Me Dead by Ludo 59:11 - Cinnamon Bone by Eliza Rickman 1:02:18 - the perfect pair by beabadoobee 1:05:15 - Twilight by Boa 1:09:03 - Cellophane by Pom Pom Squad 1:12:36 - Oh My God by Bats 1:16:30 - You'd Like Me More by Axel & Lolo 1:20:13 - I Don't Know by You The Marias 1:23:43 - Break My Stride by Mattew Wilder 1:26:45 - Adorable by Artist Vs Poet 1:30:17 - My Ugly Mouth by Meg & Dia 1:33:52 - passing papers by egg 1:36:43 - I Was An Island by John-Allison Weiss 1:39:31 - Best Friend by Laufey 1:42:17 - Turn by The Wombats 1:45:42 - Best Friend by The Moving Stills 1:48:36 - Two Time by Jack Stauber 1:51:00 - Healing by Oh Honey 1:54:25 - Grew On Me by Chonny Jash 1:58:56 - milksugar by crushed 2:04:35 - Talk Like That by Wallows 2:06:36 - That Thing That You Do by Cody Fry 2:10:12 - I Think I Love You by The Patridge Family 2:13:04 - If I'm Being Honest by Dodie 2:17:45 - The Whole World And You by Tally Hall 2:19:31 - Valentine by Laufey 2:22:17 - Little Person by Matt Maltese 2:25:39 - Pink In The Night by Mitski 2:27:59 - Red With Love by Pom Pom Squad 2:30:28 - Poisoning Pigeons In The Park by Tom Leher 2:32:33 - Pretty Ugly by Bumblefoot 2:34:42 - End Of The by Earth Marina 2:38:24 - Deep Green by Marika Hackman

... but if you don't wanna go through the commitment of listening to these, here's the youtube versions:

youtube

... and HERE'S THE FULL YOUTUBE PLAYLISTS!!! HAHAHAHAHAA GOTCHA!!! YOU DUMB IDIOT!!!!!! YOU'RE IN IT DEEP NOW!!!! GO LISTEN TO IT. GO LISTEN!!!!!!!!! PLEASE. ALL TWO HUNDRED OF THE SONGS ON EACH OF THEM. NOW.

#punchbuggy #zasr #Youtube

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hockybish · 6 months ago

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Dance it Out

l au with no name l matt x posey l masterlist l

Summer 2010

"Matt, how much longer do I have to do this?" Posey stood up from her crouched over position. She had on some goalie gear they had found and was standing in front of a makeshift goal while Matt shot pucks at her.

“I gotta practice against a goalie, Posey. And you’re doing a really good job of standing there.” Matt squared up, ready to shoot another puck in her direction.

His coach really did say he did need more practice shooting with a goalie in the net versus an open net.

And Posey got to choose what they did last time she was over, so it was his turn and he chose to practice hockey. He always did what she wanted so she had to do the same for him.

“But I want to dance” she got in her stance. They had been at this for an hour and she was getting bored and didn’t want to do this anymore.

“We did that yesterday” Matt stuck his tongue out in concentration. He hit the chunk of plastic, it flew up and hit Posey in padding on her right leg. She kicked it back in his direction and got ready again.

“Please Matt?” Posey begged. The puck he just hit whizzed past her shoulder. She very unfazed by it. She had six brothers, five of whom played hockey, she was used to it.

“Fine five more shots and I get to pick the music” Posey shook head, making the mask she was wearing jiggle, agreeing to the deal.

Matt took more than five shots since Posey wasn’t really paying attention now that she was getting her way.

Once she was out of the gear, Posey brought out her new iPod nano and hooked it up to the speaker. She handed it over to Matt, he scrolled through, finding the playlist they were dancing to yesterday.

The way they were dancing it looked something out of peanuts. There was no real structure and it was all fun. Or at least that's what Matt's mom thought when looked in on them after she got done with her phone call. She turned off their music, abruptly ending the dance party.

“Matt honey can you please for find your sisters? I need to talk to Posey for a minute.” Janice instructed.

Matt and Posey looked at each other and back at his mother. She had this look on her face, and they knew she was being serious.

The boy hung his head and scurried out of the room. What was going on? Posey couldn’t help but feeling like she had done something wrong and they were going to send her home or to her grandma's.

"Posey darling, I have something very important I need to tell you okay? Let's sit on the couch here." Janice sat down on the sofa. She patted the spot next to her, waiting for Posey to climb up.

"Sweetie, your mommy and daddy were in an accident. And they unfortunately didn't make it. I'm really sorry."

"What?" Posey tilted her head confused. Her mommy and daddy were at work and were going to pick her up later, like they always did.

"Mariposa your parents died. I'm really sorry, sweetheart." The mother of three, repeated herself a bit more directly this time. There was no easy way to put it. She wrapped her arms around the stunned child.

"No! No! My mommy and daddy are not dead!" Posey screamed. She pushed Janice away, running out of the room and into the first room she could find with a door.

She yelled no one last time before she slammed it closed. The little girl then curled up in a ball and started crying. She just wanted to be alone.

“Hey Posey?” Matt knocked on her door.

It had been a month since her and her brothers had moved in with his family and he had been trying every single day to get her to play, but she never wanted to. Possibly today could be different.

“Do you maybe want to play?” He posed the same question. There was no response to his question. "You can shoot pucks at me, or maybe we can color."

"Can we dance?" Posey asked quietly.

"Only if I can I pick the music." He smiled jokingly.

#matt rempe au #matt x posey #matt rempe #au thoughts #posey mackinnon

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milliesfishes · 9 months ago

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౨ৎ꣑ৎSweet Girl౨ৎ꣑ৎ

[fem reader] contains: pregnancy, stillbirth, mentions of weight gain, problems during pregnancy, reader is mentioned as being petite. pairing: billy the kid x fem reader summary: you want a baby, but billy's hesitant. author’s note: this one's angsty and I'm unsure if it's good, but I wanted to put it out there in case anyone likes it :) Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

An outlaw’s life kept Billy away from home often, for long, long days until he’d come home to you all tired and missing you so bad it drove him insane. You’d be swaddled in his sheets, wearing one of his shirts and nothing else, your hair spread across the pillow as you slept, the covers in your fist clenched to your chest.

This was the sight that greeted him on a Friday night that wasn’t particularly special for any reason, but seeing you this way made it perfect instantly. His girl, his pretty girl fast asleep in his bed, looking so deliciously his.

Billy pulled off his work clothes, replacing them with his pajamas. He pulled back the covers just slightly on the side you were sleeping, his side, nudging you over like he did every night. He slid an arm under your side and held you close, pressing a light kiss to your shoulder.

You stirred, humming as you woke, and he breathed out softly, half annoyed he’d woken you and half happy for the same reason. “You awake baby? ‘M sorry,” he murmured, his big hands creeping under the hem of his shirt you were wearing so he could splay his fingers out over your skin.

“You’re back.” You turned in his arms, smiling sleepily and opening your eyes.

“Go back to sleep baby.” His lips landed on your forehead, holding them there for a moment.

Shaking your head, you said, “Uh uh, I wanted to wait up for you. I fell asleep though.”

Billy couldn’t help his smile, and he brushed his thumb back and forth across your cheek. “My girl waitin’ up f’ me? How’d I get so lucky?”

“I missed you today,” you said, tilting your head up toward him. “Missed you lots.”

“Me too baby, me too,” he said, nudging another kiss onto your forehead. “I was wantin’ to come home all day, just leave the boys behind and come hold my pretty girl.”

Giggling, you looked up into his eyes. “I’m lucky you spoil me at the end of every day or else I’d be a real unhappy girl.”

He took you in, all cozy nestled against his cotton sheets that you made look like satin, settled against his covers. “‘Course I spoil my sweet baby, who wouldn’t?” Billy pulled your chin up, pressing a little kiss to your lips, nibbling gently on your bottom lip before pulling away. You pushed the blankets back so you could cuddle him closer, and he sighed. “Look atcha’, so damn cute in my shirt.”

“I like wearing them,” you murmured. “Especially when you’re gone.”

“Ya miss me that much, huh baby?” Billy smiled.

“Miss you, miss your kisses.” You smiled as he pressed his lips anywhere on your face he could reach, his stubble rubbing against your skin. “Even if they’re all scratchy.”

“Don’t like a little scruff?” he ran his fingers over his chin, feeling it. “Guess I could use a shave…”

“No don’t,” You put your hands on his cheeks, feeling it. “I love it.”

He smirked and pressed more kisses to your cheeks, stubble prickling your soft skin. “Knew ya liked a man’s kiss, yeah sweetheart? All rough on your pretty face?”

You giggled as he caught your lips again, kissing him back softly. “They feel nice.”

“Ahhh I missed this today,” Billy murmured, shifting you in his arms so your back was against his chest. He pressed his cheek to yours, leaning his head on you. “Snugglin’ ya, kissin’ ya…” One of his hands came up to your collarbone, tracing shapes there. “Lovin’ on ya…”

“You spoil me,” you repeated, feeling like a princess all cuddled into his arms.

“Hmm, I dunno,” he rested his chin on top of your head for a second, looking down at you, eyes roving over the way his shirt had ridden up your thighs. “Pretty woman…in my bed…yeah I’m spoiled too.”

You nuzzled yourself against him. “I’m just loving on you, like you’re doing.”

“Are you lovin’ on me or lovin’ me on you?” he teased, and you squealed lightly, burying your face in his chest, much to his delight.

“C’mon baby,” he cooed at you. “Lemme see that pretty face again. Please? Wanna get a better look at my girl.”

“You look at me all the time,” you said against his chest, and he chuckled.

“Doesn’t matter. Lemme look at ya all nice ‘n slow ‘kay?” He tilted your head up, and you reluctantly looked at him

“Atta girl,” he breathed, looking over you. “There’s my girl…there’s my baby. Won’t ya turn a little?”

You moved away from him, settling on your side so he could look at you fully as he requested. You gave him a look of mock annoyance after a few seconds. “Done yet? I wanna cuddle.”

He grinned. “C’mon…I have ya in my bed and that’s all I get?” Billy stretched his arms back out for you. “Why don’t you c’mere and gimme a kiss?”

You snuggled back up to him happily, pressing a light dutiful kiss to his nose. He chuckled. “Not that kinda kiss, honey. Gimme a real one now, like a good girl.”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you leaned in, hovering your lips over his. He smiled, hands going to your hips and pulling you closer. “Quit teasing me, you…” Billy laughed and brought his lips to yours, kissing you softly, lingeringly. You kissed him back with equal fervor.

“Better?” you asked, pulling back a little.

“Much better darlin’, much better,” Billy brought his hands around, hugging you to him, with a playful grip on your bottom.

“Mm!” you moved his hands away from there, snuggling back into him.

“Aw c’mon baby,” he grazed his lips over your hairline, his hands moving back. “Just tryna love on my pretty girl reaall good…”

You couldn’t help your smile, and you shook your head, too comfortable in the cradle of his arms to care anymore. “You keep me too cozy to really complain if you get a little handsy.”

Billy laughed, holding her close. “What can I say? I gotta pretty little thing all snug in my bed…’s hard not to be.”

Smiling contentedly, you pressed your face into his chest. “I love you,” you murmured, smiling softly. “This is everything I’ve dreamed of.”

“Bein’ in an outlaw’s bed is everything ya dreamed of?” Billy smirked lovingly.

“I have a handsome man who loved me enough to marry me,” you corrected. “And I love him back.”

“I’m terribly grateful to love ya too, baby,” Billy kissed the top of your head. “Never thought I’d have me a wife but the one I found…oh boy is she a treasure.”

You smiled softly, looking at his hands as they shifted at your midsection, over your stomach. As your thoughts wandered, images of rounded bellies and babies with rosy cheeks and Billy’s blue eyes danced in front of your eyes. It was a vision that had haunted you for months now.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” your husband murmured, lips nudging against your neck. “Ya look happy darlin’.”

“Having babies,” you said dreamily, looking up at him.

Billy smiled. “Havin’ babies, huh? My little one havin’ another little thing?”

“Mhmm,” you murmured, playing with his hand on your tummy.

“Ya wanna make babies with me,” he whispered against your temple. “Hmm…we could y’know. Maybe not right now, but soon.”

You frowned adorably, a little panic rising inside you. “Not right now?”

Billy shook his head, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “We wanna wait…wait ‘till you’re a little bit bigger sweet thing. Then we’ll put a baby in your belly.”

“Bigger?” your cute frown grew deeper. What did that have to do with anything?

“You’re just so little, darlin’,” he said, brushing a hand over your face. “Don’t want the baby to hurt ya. But once ya get a little bigger, then we can put a baby riiight here…” he rubbed your tummy. “Cause you’re gonna be a good little mama…”

“But I want your baby now,” you pouted, and he chuckled.

“I know sweetheart, I know. But we gotta wait so it won’t hurt ya.” He smirked. “And then after that, we’re gonna put lots and lots of babies in your belly…” Billy kissed her cheeks teasingly. “Over ‘n over…”

You giggled, shifting comfortably on his bed, looking cozy and sweet wrapped in his arms. He held you close, like a teddy bear. “You’re gonna be real good at makin’ babies…real good…”

“I wanna make babies now,” you reached up, kissing his cheek.

“My girl wants to play house with me, huh?” Billy ran his fingers through your hair. “You wanna baby ‘n everything.”

“I want a baby that looks just like you,” you studied his features, smiling sweetly.

“Do ya?” Billy pondered this for a minute, one hand squeezing your hip. “Well the baby’s comin’ outta you, ain’t it? So it’s gonna be pretty ‘n cute like you.”

“Uh uh, I want it to look like you,” you insisted, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Gonna be a cute little thing either way, all my genes comin’ outta you,” Billy pressed kisses to your temple. “Can’t wait for you to have a belly fulla’ my baby.”

“So give me a baby now,” you whined as he kissed across your face gently.

“We gotta wait, little one,” he squeezed you against him. “If I make a baby in ya too soon it’ll hurt ya. I heard too many things about little women like you havin’ problems, baby.”

“It won’t hurt me,” you said earnestly. “I’m…I’m scared what’ll happen if we wait. What’ll happen if we don’t do it right now.”

Billy frowned, holding your head against his chest. You’d never told him anything like this before. “What’re ya scared of sweet girl?”

“My mama…” you started, your voice growing soft. “My mama had trouble getting a baby in her belly. And she waited too long and she died having me.”

The reason you wanted to do it now washed over him, and he held you a little tighter. “Oh baby,” he mumbled. “Just cause it happened to your mama don’t mean it’ll happen to you.”

“I don’t wanna risk it,” you said softly. “I want to give you a baby more than anything in the whole world. And we might lose our chance.”

“Your body’s not ready yet, my love,” Billy said softly. “Just a few more pounds and a little patience is all I ask.” He was being sweet, and you were grateful for that. But your want to give him a baby triumphed that.

“That could take years to make it stick,” you sat up in bed, looking down at him. He sat up with you, looking concerned. You were making a compelling argument.

“Baby…” he was close to being swayed. He wanted to give you whatever you wanted, after all. “The baby might have trouble comin’ outta ya…” he stroked the side of your face. “You’re just so little…”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” you moved closer to him, looking into his eyes earnestly. Now Billy could see that this was more than just talking and teasing about having babies. You wanted this, you’d wanted this a long time.

His other hand came up to your face, and you moved into his lap, straddling him. “Please Billy,” you pleaded quietly. “Please…” You took his face in your hands and kissed each cheek. “I want to give you a baby. I don’t care what it takes.”

Your earnesty moved him, and his hands came to your thighs, holding you there. You were determined, brave and reckless to want his baby this badly. So he would give in. You were his girl, his angel, and you always got what you wanted.

“Damn it sweet girl,” he murmured, kissing you softly. You wrapped yourself around him, and he held you by the hips, his lips traveling down your neck and fixing themselves to your collarbone, breathing in your sweet scent.

The two of you made love twice that night, and continued to do it every morning and evening after that. About two months or so into your endeavors, you eagerly awaited to see if your monthly would come, hoping and praying it wouldn’t. Billy hurried home every day for a week to see if you’d gotten it or not, both of your excitement growing every day you didn’t.

Until one day when he came home to you in tears, sitting on the floor of the bedroom. Immediately he rushed over, taking you in his arms. “What’s the matter darlin’?”

“I got it today,” you sniffled, as you burrowed into him, shifting uncomfortably, feeling the rag you’d stuffed into your panties soak with your womanly blood.

“Oh, baby,” Billy murmured, kissing the top of your head. “’m sorry, sweetie.”

A full two months of lovemaking turned out to be fruitless…no baby yet in your little belly.

“We’ll try ‘gain next month, sweetheart,” he promised, cradling you in his arms. “It’ll happen, just gotta be patient.”

But it didn’t happen the next month. Or the month after that. It began to take a toll on the both of them, the waiting and disappointment. You tried not to get discouraged, but it was so hard. Billy was an angel, always holding you as you cried, promising it’d happen soon, the two of you just had to wait.

One time after you’d made love for the night, Billy came back from the washroom to find you with your back on the mattress, feet propped up against the wall. He couldn’t help his laugh. “Baby…whatcha doin’?”

“Making it take in me,” you responded, tapping your heels against the wall as if that’d make his spend glue to your insides.

“Oh really?” Billy sat on the bed with you, resting his chin on your tummy. “I dunno darlin’, that don’t seem right.”

You shushed him. “It’s gonna work.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to your tummy. “Darlin’.” Another kiss. “That ain’t gonna do a thing for gettin’ a baby in ya.”

“Just lemme try,” you insisted.

Billy chuckled, shaking his head at his girl’s antics. “Alright, alright.” Another kiss to your tummy. “You give it your best shot.”

When you continued to do it every night after that, Billy would always smile and give you a kiss, lying down beside you and putting his hand over your tummy, willing a baby to grow.

But your efforts continued to wield no results.

Until one day, when you heard the familiar sound of Billy’s boots against the wooden floor, and you sprang up, running out to him and jumping into his arms, legs around his waist, arms around his neck.

“Woah there!” Billy stumbled backwards, catching you easily even though you surprised him. “Easy, easy girl. Where’s the fire?”

You said nothing, just took one of his hands off you and pressed it to your tummy, your smile radiant. His eyes widened, fingers spreading out over your midsection. “Baby…?”

Pressing yourself close to him, your face buried in his neck, you murmured, “You’re gonna be a daddy.”

He laughed joyfully and spun you around once, grabbing your jaw between his fingers and kissing you softly, sweetly. “I’m gonna be a daddy.”

You hugged him tightly, and he nosed little kisses into your hair, tucking you into him and marveling at his girl, his beautiful girl carrying his child.

As the weeks passed and your belly grew, Billy grew more clingy toward you, which you hadn’t even thought was possible. He’d come home at earlier times from riding with the gang, claiming “They can survive without me, they know my girl’s growin’ our baby at home.”

Your figure, although remaining petite, filled out a little as your body made accommodations for the little life inside you, and Billy loved it. Your breasts were bigger, your waist curvier. You were nearly goddess-like in his opinion. You, on the other hand, grew more insecure as your body changed.

“I’ve gained so much weight,” you pouted as you stood at the mirror, smoothing your dress over your belly.

Billy came over, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, holding your baby-filled tummy. “Whatcha mean, darlin’?”

“Look at me,” you sighed frustratedly, hands coming up to your chest. “My breasts are bigger now.”

“Mm, don’t I know it,” he murmured, pressing little kisses along your shoulder and up your neck.

“Billy,” you pouted, trying to be serious. “They’re so heavy now. Hurts.”

“Ohhh my poor baby,” he said against your neck, pulling you backwards to sit on the bed, on his lap. You folded your arms over yourself, frowning adorably. “If it helps, I think you’re beautiful right now.”

You smiled just slightly, but he noticed, keeping his arms around you and whispering sweet things into your skin. “Just knew you’d be pretty as a peach carryin’ my child.”

A little laugh escaped you at that, and you leaned back into him briefly, before sitting up again. “I can’t sit on your lap, I’m too heavy now.”

Billy gave you a look, tugging you back so you were fully against him. “Baby…you got nothin’ to worry about, yeah? You’re still a cute little thing.”

“I’ve gained so much weight,” you whined, shifting in his lap.

“Well…” Billy trailed off, looking at you, his hands moving over your belly. “Cuteness adds a couple pounds I s’pose.” He kissed your cheek and with his lips still against you, said, “Your body’s growin’ a baby, honey. It’s bound to happen.”

“I just wanna be pretty for you still,” you turned sideways in his lap to look at him.

Billy chuckled, his hand on the side of your face, thumb running over your cheekbone. “That ain’t nothin’ to worry about little one. You’re prettier now ‘n the day I met you, swear on m’ life.”

That coaxed a real smile out of you, and you nuzzled against him, content with how sweet he was being to you.

Unfortunately, the little weight you’d gained seemed to be the last of it.

As you got closer to delivery, your body began to change more, and not for the better. You started to lose weight, and your skin grew pale. Every day you became weaker, and it worried Billy beyond belief.

But despite all this, you were happy. You were always smiling for him, always commenting on how the baby was doing, whether it was kicking or not. He played along with you, pretending that you weren’t getting worse because he knew it’d upset you if he commented on it.

As you got into your eighth month, you were practically bedridden, weaker than Billy had ever seen you. He fretted lightly, not wanting to worry you too much, but the concern was building up inside him.

On a rainy evening, you were resting beside him, his head by your chest, close to your belly. One of your hands was resting there, the other in his hair, playing with it a little. You’d been having cramps all day, which you’d been told were common in the last little bit, so Billy had insisted you rest. He was silent, nuzzled into your side. You looked down at him. “You alright?”

Billy breathed in softly, sitting up and moving so that he was against the headboard, gently nudging you so your body was nestled against his. He looked down at you, face serious. “I’m worried about you.”

Your brow furrowed, and you tilted your head to look at him. “Why?”

“Why?” Billy asked in disbelief. “Baby. Look atcha. You’re losing weight, you’re so weak…”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, trying to sit up, but your belly made it hard.

“You’re not though,” he rubbed his thumb over your shoulder. “You’re so pale…’n weak…” Billy trailed off, looking pained. He shook his head as he looked at you, his eyes sad. “My girl…my beautiful girl…” he mumbled, his fear growing by the minute. “You’re not okay at all.”

“I’m happy,” you said softly, touching his hand and squeezing it. “I’m so happy. I’ve got your baby inside me and that’s all I ever wanted.”

“But you’re not well sweetheart,” he murmured. Billy pressed his lips to your hair, his hand running up and down your arm. “Baby’s takin’ a lot outta you, ain’t she?”

“Don’t blame her,” you whispered, your eyes wide, hand resting protectively over your swollen belly.

“I ain’t blaming her honey,” he murmured, shaking his head, his hand coming to cover yours. “She’s a baby, she’s doin’ what babies do and she’s takin’ everything she needs to grow…but that still means you’re sufferin’ for it.” Billy brought a hand to her face, thumb running down her cheek. “She’s takin’ too much outta ya.”

“Billy it’s fine,” you tried to insist, shifting so you could sit up a little.

“Stay down sweetheart,” he murmured, keeping his hand over hers. “And no, it ain’t fine. My girl…my girl’s fadin’ away…” He looked emotional, looking down and squeezing your hand.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you squeezed his hand back. “It’s just…this is just what happens in the last months.”

“Not like this,” Billy murmured, shaking his head and bringing his hand to your face, his thumb running over your cheek, eyes searching yours as if he were going to lose you. “Even I know this ain’t regular…”

“No, I have to be fine,” you insisted, looking at him. “I have to be fine for the other babies we have.”

“Other babies?” Billy frowned, thumb still brushing the side of your face. “Sweetheart, ya can’t honestly be thinkin’ about other babies?”

“Why not?” you asked, eyes growing wide as you tried to make out if he was serious.

His other hand came to your other cheek, and he held your face between his hands, looking earnest. “My love…at this rate, the way things are goin’...we’re not gonna be havin’ any more babies.” He was reluctant to tell her, she could tell.

Your face dropped, and your hand fell into your lap, out of his. “You can’t mean that.”

“Sweetheart,” he started, picking your hand up again. “Look at yourself. Look how weak ya are…how thin…we can’t have you gettin’ worse with each baby. This…” Billy took a deep breath. “This is the last one.”

Your heart beat faster at his words, and you looked down, shaking your head. “No, no.”

“No more babies after this one,” he said softly, lifting your chin with his hand. “I can’t let this happen again, gotta protect you. Shouldn’t have gotten ya pregnant so early anyways.”

Eyes filling with tears, you sniffled. “I wanted you to get me pregnant, I-”

“I know,” he murmured, thumb over your cheek once again. “I know. But I should have known better, should have known your body wasn’t ready.”

“That’s not for you to decide,” you whispered.

“It’s for me to know,” he said, his eyes intense but loving as he looked into yours. “And I should have known.”

“Don’t-” you cut yourself off as a cramp overtook you, pain shooting through your body. You closed your eyes, trying to breathe and smoothing your hand over your belly.

Billy was alert immediately, looking at you worriedly. “Sweetheart? What’s the matter?”

You gritted your teeth, the pain subsiding slightly and then coming back. This felt different from the cramps, it felt…

“Billy, you gotta get the midwife,” you got out, trying to breathe. “Something’s wrong…something’s-”

A new wave of hurt cut you off again and a little noise wrenched itself from your throat.

“Baby-”

“Please, go!” you said urgently, hands over your belly as your body was wracked with pain.

Billy didn’t waste any time, getting up and looking for his boots. He tugged them on, finding his hat and then coming back to you, taking your face in his hands. “You gotta breathe for me angel, yeah?” He kissed your forehead softly, then your nose, giving you a little smile, trying to reassure you, even though he looked concerned. “I’ll be back real soon, promise. Everything’s gonna be alright.” He pressed one more kiss to the top of your head and then he was gone, leaving you to suffer alone.

You didn’t know how much time passed, the pain being your only way of measuring it. It was searing, a biting flower blooming from your core. Praying endlessly that the baby was okay, your body twisted on the bed, trying to find relief from the limitless agony.

Finally, you heard footsteps, and then Billy was in the doorway like a saint after a storm. You cried from relief, and he hurried to you, sitting beside you and brushing hair off your sweaty face, promising it was going to be okay.

The midwife, younger than you’d expected but a source of comfort nonetheless, got to work immediately, pushing your nightdress up and examining you. She looked up after a moment. “How far along?”

“Eight months,” you managed, another bolt of pain hitting you. Billy let you squeeze his hand as hard as you wanted, not wincing once.

After a little more inspection, the midwife nodded, looking at Billy, then you again. She carefully moved your legs so they were bent and spread. “Alright sweet girl, brace yourself. This baby’s comin’ out real soon.”

You whimpered, and Billy squeezed your hand. “You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart. Promise, alright. ‘M right here.”

The labor was long, and you suffered through it, pushing the best you could. But your body only grew weaker as time went on, and you knew it wasn’t working, what you were doing. Everything was blurred- every one of your senses except the pain.

You heard the midwife say something to Billy, and he nodded, squeezing your hand once before letting go. Immediately, you made a noise of protest, reaching for him.

He tried to soothe you as he sat up on the bed with you, his thumb running over your cheek comfortingly. “‘M not going anywhere baby, just movin’ so we can make things easier for ya.” Billy eased his arm under you, gently lifting you to sit up. You whimpered at how uncomfortable it was, but he kissed your temple. “I know, I know. But this is gonna make it better. Baby’s gonna come out easier like this.” He positioned himself so you were between his legs, leaning back against his chest.

In this new position, your body’s instincts took over, working to get the baby out of you. Billy’s arms were wrapped around your collarbone, careful not to touch your belly, and one of your hands gripped around him, the other holding his forearm.

“C’mon sweetheart, you can do it,” he murmured against your skin. Your body was tired, making it harder and harder to push the baby out, but you tried, knowing you had no choice.

“Is she comin’ out? Can you see her?” you gasped, chest heaving as you tried pushing again.

“Almost baby, almost,” he muttered like a mantra. “You’re so close.”

And then suddenly it was over. You felt the pain lift just a little, and then you knew the baby was out. Weakened from exhaustion, you collapsed against Billy, who held you close, carefully, kissing your head and whispering things to you. “You did it sweetheart, ’s all over, you’re alright. You’re alright.”

You were too tired to respond, closing your eyes briefly and trying to forget the pain of the last hours. When Billy’s body stiffened, you didn’t notice, face buried in him as you tried to recover.

Then you remembered your baby, and you tried to sit up, using him as support. “Billy…I wanna hold her.”

His voice was so quiet it was almost far away. “Just stay here sweetheart, rest a little while.”

“No, I wanna see her,” you tried again, but he pushed your face into his shoulder.

“No baby, y’ don’t wanna see.” His voice had a protective edge to it, but you stubbornly pushed his hand away, turning to see the baby in the midwife’s arms.

She was perfect, so little…so pale. Not moving.

Your heart dropped, and your lips parted slightly as you realized what had happened. Billy was gently trying to get you to rest against him again, but you refused, unable to tear your eyes away.

The midwife’s face was somber, and she handed the baby over to Billy, who held her with one arm. “Hold her for a bit…I’m so sorry.” She left the room.

Billy held her gently, keeping his other arm around you. He looked from the baby’s face to yours, looking panicked. “Sweetheart, I-”

You shook your head, reaching out and touching your daughter’s face gently, tracing a hand down her cheek. The silence in the room was palpable.

“She’s so beautiful,” you finally whispered, gaze drawn to her like a magnet.

“She is,” Billy said softly, and you could hear the tears in his voice.

Staring down at your lifeless baby girl, you took her from Billy, holding her close, the dark curtain of mourning shutting around you. You imagined the life she could have had, how much you would have loved her, how much you did love her.

Finally, you kissed her tiny forehead, whispering, “I’m sorry sweetheart.” Then, seeing the midwife re-enter the room, you relinquished your daughter to be taken to the grave.

Billy watched all this with silent tears running down his cheeks, but you paid him no mind until the midwife had taken your daughter away, and that was when you broke.

You turned into him, fresh tears falling fast, and he sheltered you in his arms, his nose buried in your hair. “She…she…”

“I know,” he murmured tearfully. “I know.”

The two of you were back where you started, holding each other tightly, but this time shrouded in grief.

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