#I'm impressed with how much they accounted for players doing things differently

[banditllamas]

I've been replaying chapter 4 so so much and I have discovered A LOT of dialogue from doing things in different orders. I'm going to post all the dialogue from and concerning Elara cause oh my god theres a lot. (Even if its pretty standard "hey go find her" tips)

[childrenofcain-if]

Hi! I want to start by warning that this will probably be a long rant about how much i love your IFs. But first, I hope you feel better soon!

The first IF of yours i played was the pjo one, which sent me down a rabbit hole of going through the rest of them (still haven't played tcs but i will soon 🤞🏻). It was just BAFFLING how people could be so purposefully ignorant about the concept of fanfiction and accused you over and over of plagiarism like, please go outside and touch grass, clearly the internet has stopped your brain from developing critical thinking.

Anyways, the adaptation was so well done and faithful while also exuding a newness to it that i am very excited to see unravel. I understand at the moment it has been paused (and I don't know if you've addressed why it's no longer up) and i hope with time you can feel comfortable with it again. None of the shit you've gotten was deserved or even understandable but alas, it still happened. As a content creator myself, i truly truly sympathize with you. I hope these words offer some comfort, however small.

Same goes for WLB, but the awe at how descriptive and raw your writing is really peaked through in something of your own creation. I find myself revisiting it and experiencing the exhilaration from my first reading all over again. I can't wait to watch everyone around my mc descend into eldritch madness as they become more and more unhinged. Consequences of my own actions? Never heard of them, i want my mc to go apeshit!

Now, gods where do i start... TBOTYG is *chef's kiss* flawless, i never thought i could become so obsessed with anything with only one part. I awaited the demo with baited breath, already anticipating all the ways you would surprise and impress (and you did). Every choice, every scenario, the way you build your plot and characters, your descriptions (I don't know if you can tell that I'm a little too hung up on the writing aspect of it) of characters and actions and feelings. The amount of work and effort you put into characterization is so very clear and it feels very freeing to have that amount of control over a character that we're supposed to "relate" to (in the context of the narrative, almost as if living vicariously through them). i think that no matter how much time passes, your IFs will remain a staple in the community and every player who finds your gems will feel blessed and changed after playing.

It's gotten to the point I've created a whole google doc of my MC, and made fake ig accounts with interactions (just for myself, to cope with the anticipation) and this is a level of commitment I've only felt with my own OCs and works. In such a short time, your IFs have carved a deep space for themselves in my life. I find myself replaying and going through their official pages religiously even though I've read every post already.

a question! will every LI's gender be chosen individually? I'm wondering because C and D are suitmates, but is it doable if they're different genders? same for mc and V. I'm thinking yes but also wanted to be sure

Honestly very very sorry for the long rant, I'm sure you have better things to do 😭��� but i had the uncontrollable urge to express my feelings on your art and it took me an entire day of trying to talk myself out of it (i failed).

(also, here's my mc's profile and dm box. her royal highness maxine's ig profile is private btw. going for c route first. Mitică is the romanian diminutive for the name Dimitru, and opsis is an ancient greek concept i thought would fit V)

i’m speechless (sentimentally), dear reader 😭 i still can’t believe some people would take the time out of their day to think about my silly little worlds and the characters in it, less of all like how i’ve written my works. every single time i hit a writer’s block or have the whole doxxing trauma flare up again, i think of quitting but it’s the urge to write stories and the joy of sharing it with everyone that is still keeping me going.

i can’t explain how much your words mean to me because this is what i write for. to have people relate to or identify with or adore the world and characters i’ve built is such a dream within itself. from the bottom of my heart, i am thankful for every single reader who has always been nothing but supportive from day one. if elias has his apple, i have y’all. and no, it doesn’t mean y’all can have my meagre inheritance but it’s the sentiment that counts.

to answer your question, every single LIs gender will be selectable! blackthorne hall has individual bedrooms per suite so y’all will only be sharing the common areas and kitchenette with V while having your own personal space. it’s more like an apartment than a usual college dorm tbh.

oh and please, rant away! i’d love nothing more than to hear about your MCs and the various headcanons, questions, or theories you might have!

(also please knock C down a few pegs, they desperately need it 😔)

[rydiathesummoner]

If there's one thing I've improved at while getting older, it's self-reflection and figuring out when I'm being overdramatic about a topic. I liked Dawntrail a lot and had fun, but I did need to reflect a bit with some of my first impressions.

First impression: The Urqopacha trading part was ridiculous, boring, and unrealistic.

After self-reflecting: I grew up poor in a wealthy city. I still have a lot of issues stemming from this. I was annoyed at Wuk Lamat making a fortune from some cotton because that's what people expected from me, even though bootstraps are REALLY heavy and motivational speakers who are all like "I started my fortune from a single cotton seed" are full of shit. That said, no she didn't pull up any magical bootstraps because that not what the feat was about at all. It was about testing her ability learn from her people and adapt to their culture as a potential Dawnservant. Much like the xibruq pibil it was just a contained test. Wuk Lamat didn't become a genius trader overnight at all. My knee-jerk reaction from my own issues colored my opinion. That said, I still think it was boring. I would have liked even some basic "kill monsters" in the middle or something.

First impression: The WoL should have taken Zoraal Ja down when he defeated Gulool Ja. We're literally a walking nuke. We can solve this in 5 minutes.

After reflection: It's easy to infer that Tural isn't looking for Eorzeans to come influence their government or their culture, and that we needed to build up Tural's own warrior of light type person. That said, it was still written poorly. Wuk Lamat could have specified she was wanting mentors only in 6.55 and she was required to do the heavy lifting. Alphinaud could have lectured on the boat that we cannot cause any international incidents while in Tural. He could have given some speech about letting countries resolve their own conflicts without us pushing our beliefs, so Eorzea is not viewed as colonizers. I've learned after decades of office work that if you don't spell things out explicitly, people will interpret even the smallest thing differently. An important concept like non-interference shouldn't have been left up to the player to infer, it should have been explicitly said in the script.

First impression: The scions are written poorly in comparison to previous expansions. Nobody questions ANYTHING. Why have the scions lost their curiosity? People don't ask perfectly reasonable questions like how did Cahciua die? Wouldn't Erenville want to know that? Why didn't anyone take note that there weren't any other mamool ja in Solution 9, so where did Gulool Ja come from, surely someone would at least theorize he's a clone or something? Why didn't Alisae say anything about the levin sickness, she has a lot of experience in people with aether imbalances. In previous expansions Y'shtola would never have politely stayed behind while others explored a new shard. That didn't even make sense.

After reflection: Yeah my opinion here didn't change. I did try considering if I was unfairly comparing to Shadowbringers and Endwalker with its much higher-stakes plot, but nah even taking into account that the scions were taking a backseat in the plot, they still were written out of character for not showing any interest in basic questions.

First impression: Krile was done dirty. Why wasn't her story highlighted more?

After reflection: I don't think this was any malicious intent or that they didn't know what to do with her. I think it was more like Creative Studio 3's current trend of focusing more on building world lore rather than focusing on characters. FFXVI was the exact same way. I didn't give a shit about Northreach rebuilding in FFXVI, Lubor's town, blah blah so I was one of the complainers about the side quests. Same thing happened here, The different regions were... fine? But I missed hearing the thoughts of my friends. You know, the scions. That said, that is strictly my feelings. I am much more of a "characters first" person than a "birds-eye view of the world" person. I accept I may be in the minority on that and I can accept that like FFXVI, I was just not the target demographic. It's possible CS3 has decided that world-building is more profitable. They did give Krile more focus than many others, and taking into account CS3's world focus it was probably enough, just not my personal taste.

First impression: The difficulty spike was too high. I just want to play the story without dying over and over in the dungeons.

After reflection: I'm old. My eyes have never been great. And irl I'm so, SO busy. "Git gud" is no longer an option for me. However, that is not CS3's problem. At some point I'm going to have to accept that I can no longer play this game. Yes that's sad, but part of life is getting older and having to modify your hobbies. Singleplayer game developers are great about adding in accessibility options, I'll just have to back out of this one MMO. I can't expect the young 'uns to put up with an easier game because I can't see the mechanics as quickly as they can, and it's not anyone else's problem that I don't have the time to bash my head against bosses over and over again. 20 years from now the kiddos will have to come to the same realization and the cycle will continue.

[blusical]

Problematic Players and You

(PT: Problematic Players and You)

Trigger Warning: This post discusses several triggering or otherwise sensitive topics, including, but not limited to, abuse sexual assault, bigotry, and violence. Reader discretion is advised. Additional Disclaimer: This is not a post defending the actions of athletes mentioned *nor* is it an attack on said athletes (or their fans!). This is about dealing with serious events involving players as a whole.

Have you ever woke up one day and found out that your favorite race car driver said some not-so savory things? Have you ever checked the news one day and found out a hockey player you love was accused of rape? Are you a new sports fan who did research on an athlete you like only to find out they're a straight up creep? And have you ever asked yourself: “Where the hell do I go from here?” when it comes to merch you’ve already bought or the amount of gifsets you’ve made for them? Well, you’ve come to the right post! Because let’s face it, we’ve (probably) all been there, done that and got the t-shirt (Err, jersey). 

First off, what defines a problematic player?

Well... there's not really a set definition. Everyone has a different idea of what's 'problematic' and what isn't. However, there are some deeds that athletes do that are... kind of ick, so any of the following could make them be considered very problematic:

-Bigotry (ex. Racism, homophobia). -Cheating (as in cheating on your spouses. Not cheating as in using PEDs even though that too is also kinda trashy). -Abuse, sexual assault, etc. -Questionable/not so great political opinions.

And then there’s athletes who’ve been involved in so many off-ice controversies and allegations that it’s reached a point where regardless of how many are true or not, and no matter how much new information is revealed, they won’t be well liked by fans (Patrick Kane, anyone?). Okay, but why do athletes do this crap in the first place?

Well... there's a couple theories on why some do these things.

Sometimes mental and environmental factors can influence an athlete’s decision making. Say, if an athlete was abused by a coach when they were young, that might factor into any actions, good or bad, a player makes in the future. In cases of bigoted opinions, athletes are raised to have such opinions.

Age can also play a factor into a player’s actions. The younger they are, the more likely they’re going to do stupid shit (Or so I've noticed, please correct me if I'm wrong lmfao). Again. The theories are limitless. However most of the time athletes do these things because... they chose to do that. And a part of that is being because sports culture. Yeah. Sports culture sucks. Who would've known?

So do problematic athletes... stay problematic forever?

Well, yes and no.

As much as our first instinct is to “cancel” said athletes and pressure them to take accountability, we should also give them a chance to grow when they do take accountability instead of pushing the issue further.

However, that also depends on if they chose to grow. Hell, it depends if they even admit to making a mistake or admitting to guilt at all (which is, unfortunately, very impressive in a society like this). If they don’t.. Well, that’s their choice. Best we can do as fans beyond that point is just spread awareness. Remember: 99% of the time celebs won't listen to their fans. Some will. But do not expect your favorite to do the right thing. You will be disappointed. Another thing to keep in mind is that even if changes to character are made, people (us included) will still probably continue to view them differently for a while. As much as we’d like to put the past behind us, that just isn’t easy. (And besides, in the long term this is probably a good thing, since as fans it’s not our place to forgive; that’s up to the people affected). Actually while we’re at it..

Help! What should I do when an athlete (including my favorite) gets into controversy?

It’s always stressful (and sad) when an athlete you’ve admired and looked up to is eventually outed as a terrible person. It’s even more stressful when you’re a newer fan to sports and you just find out about said problematic deeds.

Well, first thing's first: process your emotions, and feelings. And once you're done crying, screaming, whatever action you're doing to process your feelings, spread awareness if you feel comfortable enough doing so. When spreading awareness though: DO RESEARCH AND ONLY SHARE RELIABLE SOURCES. Unfortunately serious allegations almost always have misinformation popping out. Hell, sometimes "allegations" may just be someone causing trouble on the internet (Corey Perry situation, anyone?). If the source is from a random Twitter user (that doesn't work in journalism), or the source is from a site like Deadspin and/or TMZ or any other site that has a history of clickbait, odds are, it's best to take it with a grain of salt. Team fansites (like RMNB, a Caps site) are also not always reliable, so take caution when reading through them as well.

It's better to stick with actually known sources like ESPN, Bleacher Report or a journalist like Elliotte Friedman. Rick Westhead and Katie Strang are really good journalists when it comes to issues relating to hockey. Additionally, do not expect to know *all* the information. Do not demand all information to come out. Sometimes not everything can be shared for legal reasons. Be patient and wait for everything to come out. And even then, don't expect it to be everything that happened (because again, legal reasons). Also, don't expect other people to talk about the incident in question! Do not guilt others into discussing it, do not force others to post about it. Focus on what you can do before focusing on what others can do! After most information (if not all of it), it's up to you to come to your own conclusions. Lastly, regardless of what your decision is, whether you decide to stop supporting them or you choose to believe they did nothing wrong (for any reason), but you're stuck on what to do anyway... Well... and this is probably anticlimactic I know, what to do is... up to you!

Internet wise, your internet space is your space! Your Tumblr blog is your blog! If you wanna stop posting about that player and also delete every single mention of said player outside of spreading awareness? Great! That’s your choice! Wanna keep said posts up but tag them and/or add a disclaimer! Also great! Wanna keep posting them or writing fics about them? Completely fine! Just tag it accordingly and keep in mind why these folks may not like said players. And *please* continue to be critical of said players when they do something wrong. Your favorite is not immune to criticism.

(In other words, yes Hawks fans, you’re allowed to post your Kane gifs and 1988 fics. Just tag it accordingly. And just know that people *will* probably judge you for it).

One thing you should not do however: DO NOT CENSOR NAMES. This fucks with filters and screenreaders (More in-depth post on this here!).

And because apparently this still needs to be said, don’t wish injury or death on the players and for the love of Wayne Gretzky don’t fucking send harassment to their families (seriously why do people do this fucking garbage holy fuck).

Secondly, don’t buy their jerseys or other merchandise from official sites! They will profit off that. If you've already brought it, don't just throw it out. Instead, leave it in storage, sell it or, if you're good at tailoring, try making something new out of it! Additionally (especially in cases of rape, violence, etc), SUPPORT THE VICTIMS INVOLVED. They need it the most.

What about the folks that continue to support said athletes?

If someone continues to post an athlete that’s done not great things, it’s tempting to educate them and tell them (which, if you’re going to do so, please tell them gently and not yell at them, especially if they’re a newer or younger fan who has zero clue what’s going on) But if they already know (which odds are they probably do unless they’re a newer fan), and/or they refuse to stop posting about them after being told, the best plan of action is to just… leave them alone. Just leave them be. Do not bother them further. Do not harass them. Do not send them threats. And for goodness gracious don’t make a callout post or blocklist of every single supporter of said athlete.

(Seriously attempting to make a long blocklist never ends well, especially since half the time the users on said blocklist turn out to be literal children).

That said though, if your friends/mutuals are actively defending bigoted comments and/or making statements that borderline towards abuse apologism, it’s not a bad idea to hold them accountable in a private setting. Yes I said private setting because most drama can be avoided with a private DM. But other than that... someone still writes 1988 fic? Leave them be! Someone still makes gifsets of Alex Ovechkin? Leave them be! Hell, someone still talks about the Staals? Just leave them be! The best course of action is to… just use the block button and/or filter posts accordingly. That’s literally it lmfao.

But why do people continue to support these athletes anyway?

Well it all comes down to the following: A. They have trouble grappling with the fact that they are, in fact, problematic. B. They’re Neurodivergent (especially autistic or individuals with ADHD), or struggling IRL, and kinda rely on those people to function or get through the day. 

C. Detaching yourself from a problematic figure is… really easier said than done. It is not easy at all lmfao. D. They're refuse to listen to info. E. They genuinely have no clue what's going on. Either way. Don't judge too harshly. Not everyone can just stop supporting a person/media and guess what? It's not as easy as 99% of Tumblr dot com thinks. Not everyone can just stop enjoying/liking something. And guess what? That's actually O-KAY. Last thing to know.

Lastly, you, yourself, *could* probably be supporting a problematic player right now! And you would never know until much later! At the end of the day, 99% of athletes have done problematic things one way or another. And honestly, if we tried to get rid of every problematic person... there probably wouldn't be any people left on Earth at all. Yeah, some actions are more shittier than ever, but trying to make everything "unproblematic"... is never going to work no matter how you look at it, and that is OKAY.

Remember the most important rule (stolen from someone on discord with the second edited by me!):

Now get out there and cheer for whatever player you'd like.

(Special thanks to @hard4softthings @saucerfulofsins @tapejob @youneedtolookatthis @restingbuchface @bedardconnor and a bunch of other folks for providing most of the advice/info/tips for this post!)

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

if you click this unrebloggable minor ew vent post it's on you

glad i decided to nope out of watching this part of the stream, seeing chat call g'raha's bullshit in ultima thule "sweet and well-written" makes me convinced people wouldn't recognize bad character writing if it hit them with a truck

maybe if the writers ever took into account that his characterization is that of a manipulative asshole it would be good, because he is incredibly consistent on being a specific growth form of asshole, but they so clearly think his bullshit is cute and not bullshit so he's completely fucking unbearable to have pushed to the fore this much

maybe during dt they'll keep him offscreen long enough that i don't want to give him a one-way trip to the bottom of the ocean anymore

(this all would be less of an issue if a specific breed of g'raha fan weren't incredibly obnoxious if you so much as breathe in a way they dislike in his direction even when it's untagged, up there with the zenos hater reply guys (gender-neutral) for most prominent obnoxious people in this fandom (note obnoxious rather than actively harmful, those have overlaps with harmful groups but this is about people who are annoying)

granted, i also thought a lot of the ultima thule writing up to the dungeon was not that good. thancred and estinien are the only ones allowed to have any kind of tension, but they keep acting like the tension is at max the entire way through and it's just fucking not. you can try to argue that the characters don't know you'll succeed, but Y'shtola blowing the lid on the whole thing should have had more impact than it did on how the characters treated it. Also, having the two characters who are a single fakeout death apart (I have seen enough people 100% convinced that Zenos killed Y'shtola in stb that yes, I count it, and if you don't you're being disingenuous because they clearly want the player to think she's dead for a moment given that she has special textures for it) fakeout die AGAIN is just cheap emotional shots.

And maybe if EW had been allowed to actually heavily address any of 6.0 in its patches I would feel better about the weaknesses, because 3.0 has a lot of weaknesses that I felt were well-addressed in 3.x patches and I ended up with HW as my favorite expac! But EW's instead three expansions in a trench coat and they're not only not covered by the trenchcoat they're on the ground bc they fell over when they tried to add the third. The one aspect 6.0 skimmed over for pacing that 6.x does heavily address (garlemald) it addresses in different ways every time it comes up!

(thavnair doesn't really get addressed as a location in the 6.x msq, it's mostly about vrtra... which would be fine, if they hadn't decided to do ff4 but worse at the same time. and i say this thinking ff4's writing is very mid when viewed without nostalgia goggles, even if it was impressive for the console and era (and like, mid ain't bad given the technological limitations! i'm just sick of people acting like it's the best jrpg story in existence). just next to no effort to reinterpret it like they did with ct, weapons (i don't like the writing there at all but they did a lot of work to make it uniquely 14 and not "as seen in ff7"!), or the various scattered 5 nods.)

haterade empty. in conclusion i will be glad to see this expansion's back bc it's the only expansion where my opinion of it actively worsened as patches went on. e: honestly. i also would be glad to just stop having people crawl up my ass for criticizing ew's msq. i know that the loporrits are there to decompress, it doesn't change that i think they suck up way too much air for too long in an extreme pressed-for-time expac and, worst of all for a walking comedy routine, often aren't fucking funny in mandatory content. I can understand why something is there and still think it sucks shit in execution.

[lightsburnbrite]

What We Keep Secrets For: Part 1

Sam looked at her work phone and furrowed her brow. She knew there was a new signing that was going to be announced so she'd assume that her work for the day would have consisted of shooting and editing that but instead her boss was sending her out to the airport. At this point, it wouldn't have surprised her if it was actually an errand run and not work related.

Officially, her job title was associate social media manager. While Sam didn't choose what content was posted to the various social media accounts of FC Bayern München, she was responsible for creating and editing a large chunk of it. In the past, new singings for the club were only announced via the traditional press conference but recently, Thomas, her boss, had been wanting to mix things up.

After making sure she had her bag packed with all her camera equipment and an extra power bank for the work phone, she stood by the door and waited for the car service to arrive. If there was a bright side to having to travel, it was that she didn't have to coordinate it.

When the car pulled on to the tarmac, Sam resigned herself to knowing that she'd have no clue what was going on until Thomas actually told her. Pulling up behind a bright red Audi, the car parked and Sam thanked the driver before getting out. To her right, she saw a group of men standing in conversation before Thomas emerged. 

"Great, you're here." Thomas half guided, half shoved her towards the rest of the group. "Get your phone out and start recording as soon as he deboards the plane. You'll be capturing as much of his first moments here as possible."

Sam wanted to ask who "he" was but she also knew the name would probably mean nothing to her. She didn't have long to linger on the thought as the jet soon appeared from the taxiway. Pulling out her phone, she set the camera to record as soon as the door opened. Soon, she watched four men leave the jet and she immediately knew which the new signing was. 

Obviously her job included observing the players both in person and in various forms of media so she wasn't used to the presence of professional athletes. Still, Sam found herself impressed but the player making his way towards her. She could tell that he had an impressively solid build yet at the same time, he was jovial with everyone he came in contact with. While some players had tried to remain cool and unemotional during their signing day coverage, this man appeared thrilled to be here and it seemed genuine.

"Matthijs, this is Samira Klein, one of our social media editors." Thomas introduced her to the player who immediately held his hand out in greeting. 

Sam had watched as he did the typical "bro hug" with everyone so she was slightly apprehensive that this substantial figure was going to do the same to her. She was pleasantly surprised when he simply squeezed her hand and looked her square in the eye. "Very nice to meet you."

The rest of the day was filled with moving from place to place, including a stop at the Isar, where Matthijs was asked to retrieve his new trikot from a bottle floated his way. There were photoshoots and silly little getting to know the player videos and medical tests, Sam being there to document all of it. When there finally seemed to be a pause, Matthijs came and sat down next to her. 

"Was it Samira?"

"Yeah," She nodded, "Well, I prefer Sam."

"Ah," He nodded. Well, thanks for hanging out. It's been a long day."

"I'm sorry." Sam laughed to herself as she shook her head.

Matthijs looked back at her quizzically. "What are you apologizing for?"

"It's just," She shrugged. "I feel like I've spent the whole day following you around like this weird little shadow. It must be annoying."

He simply laughed. "Not at all. I'm used to the whole media aspect of things but when you look at it this way, how many different places have we gone today?"

"A lot." Sam paused, wondering where he was going with this. "It's been a long day so far."

"Right." Matthijs smiled broadly. "But, you have been the only consistent presence. You're like an old friend by now."

When Sam continued to look skeptical, he winked. "But, you're right it has been a long day. I was kinda hoping you'd do me one more favor."

"What might that be?" Raising an eyebrow, Sam was intrigued.

"So," He laced his fingers behind his head. "My friends are going to meet up with me in the States and then come back here with me once the team returns but right now, I'm all by myself. I was going to invite you to get some dinner with me."

Pressing her lips together, Sam smiled. "You're lucky I'm starving."

"Fantastic then." Matthijs bit his lower lip and held up one ring. "Slight problem-"

This time, Sam laughed. "You don't know where to eat, do you?"

With a disarming, child-like innocence, he responded by shaking his head.

"What hotel are you staying at right now?" Same tried not to laugh at him as he pulled out a slip of paper.

"Ah," He held the paper up. "The Mandarin Oriental."

Sam pulled a face and shook her head. "Yeah, I don't know about you, but I don't really feel like having to dress up just to eat food tonight."

"Good point." He nodded solemnly. "And I have no idea where my luggage is right now anyway."

As soon as the words were spoken, Matthijs could no longer keep a straight face. 

Sam smirked, thinking to herself how easy Matthijs was to be around. "There's an excellent pizza place that's close to the Mandarin Oriental. Does that work?"

"Well, I'm kinda at your mercy here, aren't I?" Again, he beamed a smile at her and Sam could only shake her head.

"Ok," She continued to laugh. "I'll have the car service take us back to my place and then I'll drive us there." 

The car pulled up to Sam's apartment and she stowed her gear in the hatch of her Volkswagen GTI indicating that Matthijs should get in the passenger side. 

Sam wanted to laugh at the face Matthijs pulled as he tried to fold his legs into the "You can move the seat back, you know."

"So I won't be messing the position up for your boyfriend then?" Matthijs looked straight ahead, avoiding Sam's line of vision as he adjusted the seat. 

She tired to hide her scoff as she shook her head. "No need to worry about that."

Matthijs let out a little sound of surprise but left it at that. Sam decided to have a little fun while they were on the subject. "What about you? Isn't your girlfriend going to be joining you here?"

"Eh," He shrugged. "She broke up with me when I moved to Italy two years ago."

Sam immediately frowned. "Oh. Sorry."

Matthijs looked over at her, raising the corner of his mouth in not exactly a smile or a smirk. "I've had enough time to work through it."

"Oh!" Sam called out in excitement as she found a parking spot right down the street from the restaurant.  

As soon as they were seated, she ordered two Aperol spritzes and a Caprese pizza for them, prompting Matthijs to laugh again. "I do like a woman who knows what she wants." 

They got settled and a somewhat easy silence developed but Sam was noticing that she felt slightly off kilter around him. "So, um, sorry but I don't follow football much." 

Matthijs looked back at her quizzically. "Why are you apologizing for that?"

"I dunno." Sam shrugged as she took a sip. "I was out at a club once and a guy bought me a drink and was then offended that I didn't know who he was."

"Well, you know that I do. Did you agree to dinner because of my job?"

Sam instantly shook her head. "No. I've watched you all day do some pretty silly things like stand in the river or holding up a pretzel as apron and you did everything with this huge smile on your face. Never once did you act like you had better things to be doing or that you were annoyed at having cameras in you face the whole day. You seem like a very nice guy and I don't like the thought of you being lonely."

"Ok." He tilted his head and took a sip. "So then don't think of me as my job. Think of me as, you know, me."

Sam pressed her lips together and nodded. "I can do that."

He smiled back at her. "Good. Now, what about you, Sam not Samira?"

"What about me?" She let out a little nervous laugh, not one to enjoy the scrutiny no matter how benign. 

Their pizza was placed on the table along with plates and silverware. They both waited as the server placed a slice in front of each of them.

"You're the media person." He took a bite, deliberately drawing out his question. "Was that your ultimate goal or is that a stop on the way to something else?"

Sam paused. He really seemed like a nice guy but she didn't feel like delving into her whole life when she'd probably never see him again. "I didn't seek this job out, it kind of fell into my lap."

Matthijs continued to eat his pizza and Sam realized he was waiting for her to finish answering his question. "It's kinda weird, photography is what I really enjoy. I've thought about how to make a career out of it but aside from something like photojournalism or like, portraits, I don't know how to make that feasible. I'm actually a trained archivist, I went to school for that, but there are so, so few openings in the field tat I can't even get my foot in the door for an interview."

She found herself inexplicably irritated. "I guess it's not like with football where you figure out that you're pretty good as a kid and then just works towards a professional career."

Scrunching his mouth, Matthijs shrugged. "Maybe. But at the same time, most other careers you can continue on with. I'll be finished by mid to late thirties and then I'll need to figure out something else to do."

"I didn't mean to imply that you had it easy or whatever." 

"No, I know." He interrupted. "And, it's easy for me to say just go for your dream job as if there aren't possible financial repercussions. It's one of those grass is greener situations."

Sam found herself searching his face. "How old are you?"  

"I'll be 23 next month." He smiled again. "Why?"

She gestured vaguely. "You have a youthful face, like you look young but you have a wise beyond your years type thing going on."

When Matthijs raised an eyebrow, she felt prompted to continue. "That's a compliment, by the way."

"Good." He allowed himself to laugh. "That's how I took it. But since we're there, how old are you?"

Despite her best efforts, Sam felt her cheeks flush. "I turned 22 last week."

"Happy birthday, then." Matthijs smirked. 

Offering a smile, a silent thank you, Sam decided to steer the conversation back towards him. "Are you going to join up with the rest of the team in the States?"

"I leave first thing in the morning, another reason I'm grateful for this little bit of normalcy." He beamed a smiled towards her. "Are they sending you too?"

Still chewing, Sam shook her head. "No, I stayed here and the crew that's over there already has been sending me things to put out."

"Oh," Matthijs caught himself before he actually frowned. 

Sam gave a half-hearted shrug. "Apparently it's already pretty crowded with the current crew. You'll have to keep me updated on how it goes meeting the rest of the team."

After Matthijs insisted on paying the bill, Sam drove him to the hotel. They sat out front for a moment before Matthijs turned to her and smiled. "Really, thank you for dinner. I appreciate the company."

Sam had just put the key in her apartment door when she felt her phone vibrate.

You home? Can I come over?  

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Entry 007 - Starfield: Shattered Space <<Prev: The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom

Synopsis

Maybe on the planet of culturally-ambiguous lizard cultists (i'm sweating in white, their words not mine) we'll find someone who should be asked the Gretchenfrage.

...i just think it's funny to bring up the word gretchenfrage whenever i get the chance

How much did I know before playing?

Listen, I contemplated writing a post about this at all - what will it do to my already tangible lack of credibility etc etc - but I think it's only right and fair and truthful to take accountability even and especially for my bad sides...

The truth is I just love playing self-insert character creation open world rpgs. I love them, the weird first-, second- to third-person escapism of it all, I feel like I connect to games like these and how they work at a primal level - my "perfect game" would absolutely be a very specific kind of this sort of game - all that to say I know

Did I like it more than I expected?

We all knew Starfield was going to be bad, they had multiple seperate events where they used Microsoft big bucks to demand the whole world's attention only to sit there for an hour plus while talking about "Immersion" or some other meaningless marketing buzzword while showing nothing but concept art and maybe a pre-rendered cinematic and nothing else, it couldn't possibly have ended up as worthwhile - but that's not what I'm playing these games for, I just like pretending to be not!Me who's hot in the exactly right way

Did I think the DLC would change anything? no absolutely not

Since [absolute meh], here's what I liked about it

I think it looks nice. I actually do like the aesthetic of Starfield, I know not a lot of people are particularly fond of it. btw stay with me here while i'm speaking of the dead but I do think Concord and Starfield went for the exact same aesthetic it's just really really REALLY easy to slide into absolute meh territory

I do prefer the way they handled the DLC planet as one big open world zone instead of putting everything on three different planets. It's still not worth exploring anything, but at the very least it's more cohesive and you don't run into the same things twice in a row (at least not right away)

What did this game make me think about?

Nothing. And not in the nihilist way. It's that thing that happens when you go on a walk and you notice that the remnant thoughts from whatever you did before are still bouncing through your head because there's simply nothing else going on that could lead to any other thought. For a DLC that's fully about religion, I had 0 thoughts about religion while playing this.

actually, fun fact: i would consider myself somewhat of a "positive nihilist", i do think there's no inherent worth/value/reason for life/existence but that is good actually bc that just means you can make your own! if nothing is worth anything everything is worth the same amount <3 could you imagine if starfield was about that

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

I'm actually not sure how "good"(tm) I think they are but the way Starfield does Final Quest Gauntlets/Big Dungeon Deep Dives is fascinating to me, they feel very energetic even though there's nothing really happening that's actively pushing you forward. I don't think they're particularly well designed from a 'game design' perspective or anything, I'm sure someone could blast them to shreds in a "gameplay analysis" video essay, but to me the structures you're fighting through actually feel very big and grande in a somewhat sensical way.

Also I actually kind of liked the Religious Initiation Ceremony, it's just wild to me that instead of making it optional they make you do it and then for the rest of the quest line they waste one of your two to three dialogue options on a mandated "You religious people are weird!!!" option; also that weird merchant follower dude will loudly judge you, the player, for every single choice that's anywhere leaning into the roleplay of it all, fuck that guy, he sucks ass (also why is he there, i didn't pay attention to what he was saying, wasn't i supposed to be the only outsider here)

Outstanding Audio

There was a boss theme I liked, I think. All in all the Audio is fine I guess, at least when it doesn't creation engine-ly blare over a npc discussion expositing lore at you, but that just reminds me of skyrim <3

Favorite Character

The receptionist guy in the hall of healing with his robot was kind of hot. Something about him did it for me. Doesn't even have a name :(

Favorite Arc/Story Line

ahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Favorite Set Piece

If there's one thing they have gotten down with Starfield compared to say Skyrim it's Set Pieces and I will defend those, like I absolutely hate the way the Crimson Fleet Quest Line and every single character in it is written but damn, I have actually replayed it more than once just to do the Lock, the Vault and the final assault again...

In this DLC that set piece is the final dungeon - the "final boss" and then rushing outside felt really cool (even though it ends with the lamest culmination cutscene ever lol)

Best Performance

I actually really liked the voice acting? They used a lot of (differing) accents but it all worked, I didn't really notice a lot of weird line reads or anything.

btw, as a german with english as a second language I noticed I have this very weird thing with heavy accents in english voice acting where I tend to think they sound weirdly fake when they're recorded "too well" (I know, really weird, feel free to judge, but I cannot listen to a single second of xenoblade 2 i cringe into my shell, i do not have this problem with those accents in rl or "normal" tv shows but i guess in any abstract art styles like anime? prison) (for me not for them)

German Localization Notes

So, in it's current "official" state german doesn't really have they/them pronouns. While it's possible to rephrase a lot of sentences to get around it, there isn't really an official, grammatical way to directly refer to someone without the mention of their gender on the level of the singular they/them pronoun in english - and because there's certain ways around all of that, it wasn't really a pressing problem until the last few years.

You see, the only people that really need that sort of thing are Non-Binary People, and as we all know those only exist since the 2010s (/s) - and while Germany as a whole was actually somewhat quick to at the very least acknowledge that the additional gender category "Divers" is a thing ("Divers" = various, do not translate as diverse in this context) - changing the way your entire language works around it is a little bit harder especially since we can't just copy the way english does it because our they (=sie) is coincidentally the exact same word as our singular she (=sie) - so that doesn't work unless we decide to embrace the generic femininum (btw underrated i think we should try it)

So we kind of have to figure out a way to introduce a neo-pronoun into our language (which makes it necessary to debate "which one" on top of the regular "if any at all") to accomodate even just those Non-Binary-People that would get away fine with they/them in english which is an interesting linguistic problem to have.

Anyways; Starfield has actually translated the non-binary they/them as a german neo-pronoun (i think it's dey? not sure and gaming journalism has taught me i don't have to look that up before posting this) and I was really fckin confused because I thought it was a really weird spelling error.

Then again - as someone who didn't really have a clue how this specific one works, as was now demonstrated to me it's pretty easy to just go "Oh! That's what that was! Neat!" when encountering something like that. I still won't be able to use it without looking it up, but sometimes only communicating in pre-written answers comes in handy, I guess.

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY ---

What about this game gives me Hope for the future of gaming?

ahahahah AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

What about this game makes me scared for the future of gaming?

Hey there gamers in the hate mob, stay hydrated! Have fun out there campaining against capitalist practices but don't forget! Any agitated group of people that considers themselves exploited by some sort of superior standing class is ripe to be co-opted for things like *Populism*! Make sure the force of your emotions is used for reasonable purposes and isn't taken advantage of by fraudsters who try to make you lose focus on what truly matters by riling you up against problems that don't actually exist! Remember to point your fervent rage at the people with too much money to ever care about anything at all! Do you actually think annoying ""woke"" people on the site formerly known as twitter are the problem of your woes or is it the rich white man exploiting 50000 people in a single breath whose budgeting decisions make your work life hell?

Anyways, love you all, go vote people who aren't weird af <3

The Ramble Section where I get to actually talk about what I thought about

Okay, there's one specific reason I've decided to type out all of this and it's to eject that one sentence that has scoured the corner of my brain that vocalizes my inner thoughts for far too long. So. Here it goes:

"It's almost awe-inspiring how resistant to learning Bethesda Softworks proves itself to be." - Me

That's the thought. That's the singular thought that bounced through my brain while playing all of this. I can't believe this is the 5th (probably more, didn't count) time you made this game in a slightly different theme of the year and apparently you guys have just not learned a singular thing while doing all that.

The entire game feels as if it was made without a single thought. Nobody in a position of power over this thought. At all. It feels like the people deciding what to write, what to produce, which pieces to build to then put together, have never played a Game of this type, a Bethesda Game, ever. Nobody has asked "Would I as a player actually do or care about this" ever, not a single time at any option whatsoever, be it narrative choice or gameplay function. The only people that thought were the low-level workers actually making the stuff that they're told to implement, like the assets, I guess, at the very least those look pretty good.

Like, who decided on these Open World Mechanics. You have made this game 5+ times, you should know that even just economically speaking there are far better ways to populate a world than how you did it here. Why would you not also make dungeons much more PCG-heavy when you already make all the planets PCG anyways? Why is there not a single "Hey, you used this pre-built location the last time, don't use it again right away" rule in your PCG generator? You know you can just do that right? Store a reference and then go "this was the last one generated, if it's this one again try again!" That's like three lines of code or something! Did you not think running into the exact same place twice in a row would be weird as fuck? Did you not realize that this would almost immediately happen when the total amount of your randomized items is like, 5, which is a problem in and of itself.

Food feels absolutely useless, most of the stuff that accidentally ends up in my inventory heals an entire amount of 2 entire HP - and yet with this little use why is there so much fucking food (and why does it look so good?).

The Writing is atrocious. Just. Not even just bad, it's baffling. How can you go through years of people pointing at New Vegas, you have to have seen those tweets, that's one of those games everyone agrees is good which means bullying in its name is acceptable; Hbomberguy, the one Video Essayist really everybody knows, made 2 entire video on it! It's impossible you haven't heard criticisms of your style of writing because people will have parroted whatever he said to you on your socials to hell and back - but regardless of how annoying those twitter weirdos are, how do you still go through years of being beaten to death with it and take absolutely nothing, 0, nihil nihil nihil from it, not even a little bit? honestly crazy to me. how???

And once again, it doesn't even make sense from a economical perspective because the way they did it now results in more work than if they just sat down, thought about what they were doing and wrote fewer, meaningful, concise but efficiently written storylines that actually differ from each other instead of what they did, which is giving the same side quest four different, equally as boring endings that are at most minor alterations of each other, three of which nobody will ever care about because why would I not just choose the obvious good ending, the easy everyone is happy choice instead of a miniscule extra reward I do not need in the slightest because money has no value - but then all of those endings still result in a distinct, hand-crafted, voice-acted 3 minute dialogue each that you will only happen to stumble across on accident when you pass that particular house four hours later and have already completely forgotten about that quest. Same amount of work for far less use - but hey, thank god, at least we have Immersive Storytelling!!! How delightful that the environment remembers your actions!! How Real Life of them! Surely I will care about the other result when on my Next Immersive New Game Plus I try the other, fundamentally worse option!

I have to assume that having good writing would make them liable for damages to Obsidian in some way, because how do you write any of this and even just feel. anything??? This can't possibly be what you wanted to write? And if it is... o-okay? *silent judgement*

also who on the team thought it was fine to make the religious fanatics lizard people come on

[ideas-on-paper]

According to this page, the writing cast of Shadow Broker included Sylvia Feketekuty (the writer of Liara in ME2/3), Chris Hepler, Jay Watamaniuk, and Patrick Weekes (this is also confirmed on their website).

From what I've read, Shadow Broker was the first DLC that was supposed to "set the tone" for ME3. This might be the reason why it feels slightly different; some character developments that haven't really been at the forefront in ME2 and only get important in ME3 are set up in the Shadow Broker files for the first time (for example the conflicting standpoints of Legion and EDI).

I take it you are referring to the rumor about the stars? If so, I'd like to point out two things: 1) the context of the conversation makes it sound like it was an experiment conducted by the Geth Consensus rather than Legion specifically (Legion may answer with the standard "we", but since Shepard inquires "The Geth are listening in on our transmissions?" - so, about the Geth in general - I see no reason to interpret Legion's answer otherwise), and 2) I think it was less about whether the organics would actually believe it and more about how the topic of religion would influence their reactions. The Geth might have realized it's a touchy subject for organics (or at least some of them), so they wanted to assess how it factors in. (Legion does specify it was the arguments that taught them much.)

Oh, I remember that fanfic! However, either Ch. 4 wasn't up back when I read it, or I completely forgot about it. Anyway, that the trolling was intentional on Legion's part completely went over my head (I also only saw the tag right now, for some reason).

Given how respectful the Geth are, I have trouble imaging that Legion would provoke others on purpose - more importantly, I don't see why they would prioritize winning in a game over adhering to their values. (Repeating lines they said/heard like a meme would also require Legion to have a sense of humor, which is also very debatable.) Even assuming they deliberately trolled other players, that would require a precise knowledge of organic emotions and how to induce them. While Legion and the Geth do have some factual understanding of emotions, they have trouble gauging how organics would emotionally react to certain situations and actions. (If they didn't, they wouldn't have failed royally at the dating sim.) This is also where the whole slander that Legion is lying and manipulating Shepard in ME3 falls apart for me. Speaking of lying, this is probably the part that put me off the most: Legion has never lied directly to the face of anyone - instead, what I've observed is that if they don't want to talk about a certain topic, they start getting evasive and try diverting attention from it. Concerning that one passage in Ch. 4 ("I follow them. On the extranet. Not in person. Because I've never actually met them."), "on the extranet" would've been enough to avoid giving off the impression they're actually following Shepard (it might not even be a false statement; I could imagine Legion following Shepard's social media accounts). Nervously specifying that they're not doing the exact thing they're doing is something a human would do. I suppose you could assume this if you interpret Legion as very emotional (to what extent Legion has emotions is entirely up to the individual viewer), but personally, I'm not seeing it.

I'd like to add that we don't precisely know what the "unsportsmanlike behavior/taunting" Legion was banned for even entails. It might have been trash talking, or it might have been a non-verbal gesture - the dossier itself makes no clear indication of this. All we know is that it happened during the Crystal Genophage event, which Legion won, as we know from their profile (there are no records of Legion taunting players on any other occasions). Now, the way I interpreted this is that Legion taunted the other players after their win, and that's what got them the ban. (Someone in the notes of the post I reblogged actually said that Legion might have been teabagging.)

I also think Legion is the last person that would be prone to considering their actions in cyberspace as a trivial matter. Because, as far as Geth are concerned, cyberspace is their real world - they have no reason to treat anything that happens there as less real than what happens in the "actual real world".

This is actually one thing I found pretty amusing when reading through their file: Legion takes their in-game actions very seriously, perhaps overly so. Taking the fundraising edition of "Geth Attack: Eden Prime" for instance, Legion has the max donation level, despite never even playing the game. The way I interpreted this is that Legion felt responsible for supporting the survivors of Eden Prime, since the attack of the Heretics is something they don't condone and that they want to make up for. However, at the same time, they're apprehensive of fighting other Geth, even if they're virtual, simulated ones. (What's more is that these Geth are Heretics, the same you fight against when you infiltrate the Heretic station, so Legion shouldn't technically have any qualms about it; that they do suggests they still view the Heretics as their own people.) Same goes for "Grim Terminus Alliance" where Legion didn't kill any slaves and freed those they encountered without exception, demonstrating a strong aversion to even the concept of slavery (most likely due to the Geth's own past).

I will say though that Legion having an award for killing 100+ Quarians is scratching a bit at the boundary of their character. Legion frequently emphasizes that the Geth don't hate the Quarians and have no desire to fight them unless necessary, so you could view this as a bit of a contradiction. Personally, I interpreted it as Legion acting on some kind of "subconscious trauma" - they have nothing against the Quarians personally, but seeing them as slavers pulls some kind of trigger for them. (Granted, we don't know what situations Quarians are encountered in-game so we don't know if Legion's attacks were unprovoked, but knowing Legion, I don't think they were.)

With all of this being said, I'm not here to tell other people how they should interpret a character. All things considered, my take is probably largely influenced by my own perspective as well - however, if this is true for me, the same goes for everyone else. On that note, I think it's important to distinguish between what's actually given in the game and how people choose to interpret it.

However, while I may not agree with it, I think I've gained somewhat of an understanding how people might develop such an opinion on Legion - and thus, how something like the line from Jacob's loyalty mission might have come to be. However, if they changed it with the intention to reduce confusion among the players, I can tell them they failed spectacularly, as far as I'm concerned - my nerves were at the breaking point for weeks because of this, to the point where I lost confidence in everything, including myself. (Still, I'd like to genuinely thank you for listening; most other people are usually put off by my persistence. ^^')

I can definitely see why they would cut out psychosis for "optics" - when I was looking up all of Legion's other dialogue, I came across a YouTube comment on one of their lines during Jack's recruitment mission ("Jack is smaller than her reputation suggests") that said something along the lines of "I was really hoping Legion would say "Jack is female"" (though more for the humor than anything else).

I thought a bit about it, and yes, I could actually picture this way better. The line itself is sort of a rewording of Grunt's comment ("Jack is small"), and while I can definitely see why Grunt would be judging based on size, this seems a little unusual for a Geth - after all, even small platforms like drones can pack a punch. On the other hand, I can see why a name that's way more common among human males than females would throw Legion's calculations off.

At the same time, though, I can imagine a few reasons the line might have been removed, if L'Etoile had written it like that (it's one of the unused early game lines, so he was definitely present for that):

Some people might have taken the line as an expression of a strong woman being unusual, so it was removed for potentially coming across as sexist. (Which wouldn't have been Legion's intention at all! But as someone familiar with committing social blunders, I can kind of relate to it. xD)

In some languages that use gendered nouns (such as the one I played the game in), the fact that Jack is female is not much of a reveal. Due to the line essentially losing all of its impact in other localizations, it was changed.

Even so, it's nowhere near as out of character as the line from Jacob's mission - previously, I assumed Legion already factored in the organic way of thinking, so I'm willing to let that one slide.

Making jabs like that would definitely be out of character for Chakwas, but it wouldn't be the first time that the character writing in ME3 contradicts the past games. I remember when discussing the odds of a successful attack on the Collector Base in ME2, Garrus says something like "I would much prefer blind optimism", and in ME3, he suddenly goes like "Pretty soon blind hope is all we'll have left. And I hate being blind." I wasn't sure whether I should facepalm or laugh out loud at the hilarity when this scene came up. Idk, maybe you could say his opinion shifted over time - still, it felt noteworthy to me. (I guess it's small details like these that make you notice a character's writer was replaced.)

I did take Chakwas as referring to Adam's job, but for Shepard, that wouldn't make much sense unless they're an engineer (which mine wasn't). If it was a figure of speech, it might have been lost to me due to localization - in a positive context, calling someone a machine can mean that they're very strong in my language, but it also has the negative connotation of "efficient, but heartless".

I admit that I have somewhat of an inclination to take things literally (it's gotten better over the years, but it still happens from time to time), but even if it wasn't meant like that, Chakwas' remark still has the potential of coming across as very wrong. I'd definitely be having a serious talk with her about it afterwards.

Mass Effect 2 replay, recruiting Thane:

-There is quite a bit of autodialogue throughout this mission.

-As others have said, Seryna raises questions. Why did Nassana let her former head of security leave?

She kills shift workers that leave – at least, allegedly – but the former head of security can just walk out?

As we see with Thane and Shepard, that’s a big security risk.

-Why does Seryna want Nassana dead so badly?

She helps Thane. She helps Shepard on the chance that helping Shepard find Thane will end with Nassana dead. Nothing asked for in return.

This is a lot to do because you don’t like your former boss. Even if your boss is having people killed to protect her secrets. It seems personal – did Nassana kill some Seryna cared about?

-Seryna says she and Shepard will leave after shift workers clear out Tower Two.

However, there’s a salarian in the area fussing that’s he’s lost his family’s data because Nassana forced them out ASAP. He’ll get it once he’s allowed back in.

So it seems the towers have already been cleared out. If the salarian had been kicked out from an earlier shift, I presume he could have gone in when the next shift was permitted in.

-Seryna doesn’t ask if Shepard’s plan is to stop Thane or not until you’re in the car with them.

Considering she wants Thane to kill Seryna, she must be very confident Thane can take Shepard out if Shepard’s plan is to stop him.

-Letting the first salarian worker die is just cold, especially if you say his coworkers are on their own. There’s no reason to not help him.

-All the shift workers are salarian. Illium’s an asari dominated world, so they’re a minority on it. There’s probably some parallel to the real world in that and Nassana’s treatment of them.

-Kasumi about Thane helping the first group of salarians you find: That’s sweet. An assassin with a heart of gold.

Considering Kasumi is a thief with a heart of gold…

-Nassana’s essentially enslaved the salarians: They have to work to the end of their contract on threat of death. They don’t get overtime, and she’s quite willing to kill them when she wants them to leave.

This is probably legal on Illium.

-Huh. No one commented on me letting the mercenary who was up against the window go. Garrus always comments on that.

-Speaking of, the glass in these towers breaks way too easily. Nassana’s cheaping out on materials.

-If you go neutral on the salarian worker that points a gun at you, Kasumi calls him a “jumpy little lizard”.

Charming. Kasumi, you’re supposed to be better than that.

-If you choose any other option, Telon ends up passed out on the floor. It’s funny watching him swoon if you go paragon/renegade after skipping the renegade interrupt.

-The salarian workers do a lot for this mission. Without them, it would just be one long corridor of shooting. They also characterize Thane as a man who protects innocents before ever meeting him.

-I died so. Many. Times. On the windy bridge. Those drones that shoot missiles are awful, and what do you mean I can’t get a lock???

-The sun in the background when you finally meet Thane and Nassana adds a lot of drama to the cutscene.

-Jacob’s bitchiness to Thane is very odd. He never indicates an issue with mercenaries or assassins before or after this scene.

-As others have noted, Jacob’s claim he’s loyal to more than a paycheck is hypocritical. He left the Alliance because it had too much red tape, and he insists that he’s skeptical of Cerberus and will leave if it gives him reason to.

So that’s not loyalty to either employer. The closest he can say is that he’s loyal to his beliefs, but if so then the same could be said for Thane.

-If you go renegade with Thane and tell him you only hired him because he’s a good gun, he can bite back and reply that’s he’s working for you by choice and can leave at any time.

Nice. It’s always good to see someone push back against Shepard.

-You can tell Jacob to keep an eye on Thane.

This entire scene is so odd. I’m wondering if the original plan for Thane was different and it would have had him more ethically ambiguous?

Maybe you would have had Thane switch loyalties while he was on a mission by paying him more than his current employer. That would explain both Jacob’s and Shepard’s skepticism of his trustworthiness.

Just, something to explain this scene.

-If you go paragon, Thane says that he’s just a weapon. Weapons don’t kill, their wielders do.

I disagree. Thane chooses to be a weapon, ergo he has culpability for who he’s directed to kill.

“Just following orders” is not a get out of jail card.

Normandy

-Mordin’s loyalty mission is very abrupt. You only get one investigate option, and no real dialogue options.

Considering how talkative Mordin normally is, I suppose this curtness is a sign of his distress. No explanation for why Shepard’s not asking questions though.

-Samara says the code is 5000 sutras and covers every possible situation.

How long ago was this written? Because societies change over time. There are ethical questions that exist today that couldn’t have been imagined 500 years ago. What happens when one of those crop up?

Maybe this is one reason why asari society is so static – justicars decide what’s “correct” and kill everyone who disagrees with them. Makes it a bit difficult society to progress.

-And what happens when justicars disagree?

And I’m not accepting a cop out that the code causes all justicars to always come to the same conclusion. Look at how much blood has been spilled over human religious texts.

Are there factions of justicar that kill each other on sight? Did someone work out a truce so justicars with different interpretations politely avoid each other?

-Ah, time for another ME2 humanity is special moment. Humans are more individualist than any other species Samara has known.

Is this all humanity? Because as I recall, western society is normally considered more individualistic and eastern society is more collectivist. Did Bioware think that far?

-Thane had his eyes treated so he can see hanar bioluminescence. As a result he can’t see the difference between dark red and black.

That seems a tad dangerous for an assassin. Isn’t being able to tell colors apart critical for being able to blend in?

-When I choose investigate with Thane, there’s an option for other topics. However, this takes me back to the start menu. So what is is purpose? I can choose Return and other also go back to the Start menu.

-The drell situation with the hanar on Kahje is sad. It’s good they help each other, but it shouldn’t be a death sentence for the drell. Let them help hanar on other worlds that don’t make them sick.

-If you go neutral with Thane, he says he’s always considered himself dead to some degree.

Well, that’s fucked up. I’d like to have some words with the hanar that trained him.

-If you go paragon, he doubts your medical facilities and staff can do anything that the best hanar medical professionals have not been able to.

As others have pointed out: Buddy, the Normandy has Mordin fucking Solus on board. He cured a brand new multi species pathogen created by the Collectors working out of a back alley on Omega. Miracles are his specialty.

[officialralsei]

[…]

..I ALSO NOTICED THAT YOUR FOURTH FINGER TO THUMB CROSSOVER. SOUNDED A BIT UNEVEN. THIS IS GENERALLY A MATTER OF PHYSICAL TECHNIQUE. ENSURE THAT YOU MAINTAIN RELAXATION IN YOUR PALM. AND LEAD WITH YOUR THUMB. RATHER THAN YOUR WRIST. 

Oh, um, does this sound a little better?

LET ME LISTEN.

…

…YES, THAT IS MUCH SMOOTHER. WELL DONE.

YOU ARE IMPROVING VERY QUICKLY, RALSEI. I AM IMPRESSED. DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BEFORE WE CONCLUDE THE SESSION?

Umm… not really! I'm glad you think I'm learning really fast. I've been trying my best, haha!

So, um… I've been thinking. It's strange that the mediums people perceive me with over this connection seem to differ sometimes, isn't it? You can hear my voice and what I'm doing, even if I'm typing instead of speaking. The PLAYERs only see text. Tenna told me in TVLand that she can see me as if I'm on a TV screen when I answer her questions. And the way things were described over the text the PLAYERs can view changed when I was in TVLand, too, when it came to the televised conversations we had there. Even when I made sure there were no cameras nearby… it's fascinating, right?

…TRULY, IT IS. I AM TOLD THAT MY INITIAL CONNECTION TO THE “PLAYERS.” WAS IN THE FORM OF THE USURPATION OF… A SIGNIFICANT PERSON’S INTERNET ACCOUNT.  

IT IS A STRANGE THING TO PONDER, THE NATURE OF THESE THOROUGHFARES. CHOSEN BY FATE TO DELIVER ITS WILL.

It is. Every medium has its advantages, right? Just like every medium has its limitations. A lot of information can slip through every medium, too, even when you don't expect it to… it's very, very interesting.

…

…I, um… anyway, I've been thinking other things too, since that conversation we had before I went away. About being alone, and, um… about fate. I…

…I guess, um. I don't know that I've really ever thanked you enough. For teaching me piano. I know it's difficult over this connection. And I guess… um, I do know that it makes you happy, but it is a lot of effort, even if you do like doing it. So thank you. Really.

…

CERTAINLY, RALSEI. IT IS OF NO TROUBLE AT ALL. AS YOU SAID YOURSELF, IT MAKES ME HAPPY. NOT ONLY BECAUSE IT IS SOMETHING MORE CONCRETE. THAT I CAN DO FOR YOU. BUT ALSO BECAUSE I MAY NEVER HAVE ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS. TO SHARE AN ARTISTIC PURSUIT I USED TO LOVE. WITH SOMEBODY I CARE ABOUT.

…

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE… SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND.

…You care about me?

OF COURSE I DO. I MAY NOT BE THE BEST… …GUARDIAN. BUT I DO CARE ABOUT YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. AND WISH FOR YOU TO BE TRULY HAPPY.

AND FOR THAT, I WILL TRY MY HARDEST. TO SEE IT COME TO PASS.

…DID YOU REALLY BELIEVE. THAT I DID NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, RALSEI…?

…

…I… ummm. I think I… um, I've always been able to see… how you talk about me, I guess. And I know by now that you do care. You wouldn't say the things you do if you didn't. But I…

…I'm not used to hearing it, haha. Maybe I just need to get used to the idea.

…OH, RALSEI…

I AM SORRY THAT I AM NOT MORE… EMOTIONALLY OPEN. I ALREADY DID NOT EASILY WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE. BUT FOR EVERYTHING I SAY. TO BE HEARD BY SO MANY. AND BY SOME WHO WISH TO TURN THAT AGAINST ME… IT IS THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. TO ALLOW MYSELF THAT VULNERABILITY.

…YOU CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING.

…Yeah. Yeah, haha. It's okay. I, um. I think it's… nice to hear. Thank you for saying it.

…I've been thinking that, um. Since you asked me to… um. To open myself up to the possibility of pain. If this is what you and the PLAYERs want to see from me… I need to be better at it. Even if it's just a little bit… telling you I'm happy you care about me is good, isn't it? And that I'm, um... glad you're keeping your promises.

…

…IF THAT IS WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU NEED TO DO… YES. IT IS. IT IS MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH.

…

…I KNOW THAT YOU MUST DO. WHAT YOUR PURPOSE REQUIRES OF YOU, BUT… PLEASE. DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF TOO HARD, RALSEI. IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEE YOU. FORCE YOURSELF PAST YOUR LIMITS.

It's okay! It's okay. Even if it won't end up being just you who sees me say this… it's alright. I'll learn something from it no matter what, anyway.

WHAT…? I HAD THOUGHT…

…I HAVE NOT HEARD THE “PLAYERS” MAKE REFERENCE. TO ANYTHING WE DISCUSSED DURING YOUR PREVIOUS LESSON. THAT IS, OF COURSE. VERY UNCHARACTERISTIC FOR THEM, SO I… I ASSUMED THAT THESE CONVERSATIONS WERE PRIVATE. 

….

…THEY HEARD ALL OF THIS, THEN…?

Maybe not all. They didn't hear some of my conversations in TVLand, either. But we'll find out whether this one gets seen, won't we? Haha.

[...]

[saltymongoose]

Y’know how there’s fan clubs and fanfiction and Player x Reader stuff?

What if the main four found it, or other people outside of the Reader fan club. I’m pretty sure 2bDamned would secretly use these to try and satisfy his suppressed needs only to find himself needing Reader like ten times more.

Hank would be jealous and try to kill the poor authors probably.

Idk about the rest but the idea of them constantly fawning over Reader even when they’re not around would be adorable.

I love this idea so much, thank you lol. I'm not quite sure how it would work chronologically for the Main Four, but let's say for brevity's sake that you happened to control them somehow before coming into Nevada and visiting the Nexus (also starting off their knowledge of and obsession with you in the process). The most likely scenario is that Doc and Deimos find a multitude of emails when they're going through a database. They immediately stop skimming the paragraphs once they realize the actual subject of them, going from bored to completely enthralled in an instant. The Nexus Core workers wrote fanfiction about you? And had dedicated clubs for it and your "fans"? They all reacted to it a bit differently.

To begin with those who first found them, Deimos kinda grows addicted to reading the fanfics? They fuel his already abundant daydreams about what being in a relationship with you will be like, giving him new ideas to think about and consider when he plans out dates and things like that. Don't get him wrong, he's a bit (extremely) jealous that all of these grunts have met you in person before him, but the content they make just gets him more excited to finally have you in front of him. He also probably makes a sock puppet account so he can infiltrate the chats they have to get more of the fics directly and fawn over you with the Nexus workers lol.

Doc is similar, but he initially uses them as a way to "act out" any fantasies he's been focusing on in his head to try and get them out of his system before he goes to work. He figures if he spends a few hours immersing himself in content about you, his brain might get tired of it just enough to allow him some actual focus. It doesn't work though. The temptation of having stories about you at his fingertips is something he can't help but fall into, and he has to catch himself before he spends the entire day reading story after story about you. It's worse because the writers have actually seen you up close, so he knows the details about the way your eyes appear, how you smell, or the little mannerisms you have are probably accurate. It only makes his obsession with you larger, and his yearning to actually meet you himself reaches a new high. He has to see you now, he needs to. Soon he's going back to the emails to find any information regarding your precise location. It'll bring the SQ in direct conflict with the Nexus Core if he isn't careful, but he doesn't care. Getting you was vital, no matter the consequence.

Hank is angry once he learns about it. He feels he should've expected it; you're absolutely perfect in his eyes, so of course people would fawn over you like this. However, the fact that someone other than him is doing it and having romantic fantasies makes him incredibly jealous. The fact that these grunts supposedly "know" you only makes it worse, since he considered them legitimate threats to your impending relationship. In all likelihood, he'll make a point of "visiting" any Nexus facilities they mention to get rid of as much of his competition as possible. Besides, maybe you'll even be impressed by his efforts. They are proof of his love, after all.

Sanford's a little ashamed by how much he finds himself liking them, and mortified by the thought of you finding out. As such, they're a complete guilty pleasure for him. Seriously, he's red with embarrassment the entire time he reads the words and he actually has to take a break if the fic gets a bit too hot and heavy (let's just say that Sanford's vivid imagination runs a little wild with this lol). He's self-aware to the extreme here, worried that you know about the fics' existence and thinks they're creepy so he'll be considered creepy by extension, it's a whole jumbled mess. And yet, he can't help himself. He's honestly a little jealous of how your "fan club" is so open about their love for you, but that's overshadowed by how envious he is that they've actually met you. It makes him wonder how much of these scenarios you'd actually do, cause they must've been inspired by something, right?

As for the others outside of the main four, Hofnarr is well aware of his worker's escapades related to you, and he feels a little conflicted. On one hand, he knows you personally, so he thinks it's very improper to be indulging in fantastical stories about you behind your back. (Especially with the more...risque things the Nexus Core grunts come up with.) But on the other hand, they're very entertaining? At least, that's the excuse he comes up with for reading them. (It's totally not because you're so busy that he finds himself yearning for more of your presence at all times, of course not, that'd be so selfish-) As for the fan clubs, let's just say he's a valued patron for some of their merchandise and may or may not be considered a senior member (even if it's honorary).

Contrary to popular belief, Jeb does have some idea of the stuff the Nexus Core does with regards to you. It'd be weirder for him not to, especially after finding a keychain with your face on it in one of Hofnarr's desk drawers. But he isn't clued in on the fanfics about you, which is lucky for the Nexus grunts considering his horrified reaction to Phobos' own works. He just thinks the trinkets they make are an innocent form of idolization; it's not like their devotion towards you could ever come close to his, so he sees no reason to intervene too much. (Outside of maybe keeping them from interacting with you for prolonged periods, if he sees them getting a little too comfy in your presence.) Although he's also seriously considering asking Hofnarr to get him some item related to you.

[ridreamir]

Bro I just had an idea

So, a personal HC of mine is where the player that falls in Hisui forgets their past life, but has still somehow retained all of their knowledge on Pokémon. So like whenever Laventon or Rei is with them, and sees a new Pokémon, like a Goomy for example, the player just “oh yeah that’s a Goomy.” and spits out knowledge no one knew about it.

I imagine it absolutely baffles people when they do it, but people get so interested they can’t help but listen, and bonus points if they start yammering on about a Pokémon that’s not even in Hisui. Like Oddish(the Mon I originally thought was for the three-leaves request), or Aerodacytl.

And if you’re still on an Ingo kick, extra bonus points with a side of brownies if they start delving into a Pokédex-brain rant and start talking about a “Unovain Zoroark” and a “Basculin that can’t evolve”.

That one springy tail quest (I won't spoil!) had me thinking that spoink was in the game, so I'm definitely with you there! The actual answer wasn't my first thought when I read the quest's hint, hahaha! I'm still trying to keep author commentary short, so I'll stop rambling now and get to it!

.

. Even though you're considerably the most clueless person in all of Hisui given your lack of fashion sense, etiquette, and overall understanding of anything diplomatic, it's a bit of a trade off in comparison to how well you do with Pokemon. Well, mostly. Sometimes you get a little... confused. How you managed to even find an Oddish in the land of Hisui, no one quite knows, but Laventon has been so perplexed he's made a collage board of possible ways the Pokemon could have gotten here, though the lady who asked for a Pokemon with three leaves had been quite impressed with your dedication. That wouldn't be the last time you'd done something similar... One conversation with an Alolan Native later and you've been wondering where all the Meowth, Spoink, all of these different Pokemon species you can think of being found in Sinnoh-- Hisui, have gone, and why they're not here. You've been wracking your mind to try to figure it out. Had most of the modern species been stowaways, the result of foreigners inhabiting the land? Were they simply in hiding still, waiting for peaceful times before they'd show themselves once more? There are myths out there that you know of for certain that might account for the lack of species in the region. Laventon of course greatly enjoyed it when you rambled out in the field about how "Wingull" should be along the coastline and how "Caterpie" should have been super common to the point that even children could capture them without a problem before, because a few of the Pokemon you've named he's actually been familiar with, which leads to an even greater mystery-- Where did you come from for you to know so much about Pokemon?

Even better, for those he didn't know, does that mean they without a shadow of doubt exist? Even the few that are nothing but myths according to the education he received when he was still studying in Galar? It's all incredibly fascinating. However, you're not the first person to go on about things like this. And by no surprise, sometimes when sitting in on lunch with both Ingo and yourself, Laventon and Rei get to hear all sorts of outlandish stories shared between the two of you-- the resident time and space stowaways. The fact that your stories both line up is what makes this so much more incredibly eerie. Warden Ingo doesn't have all of his memory intact, so for the continuities to be shared between the two of your separate recollections, there's got to be some amount of truth to it after all. And, well, neither Laventon or Rei can really imagine a Zorua with short black fur, nor an aggressive Basculin with red or blue stripes, and definitely not a tiny red Braviary (It's not really that tiny, but they've incorrectly imagined a Starly sized Rufflet with red feathers), but they're growing even more eager for the expeditions of the future when they can possibly meet such fascinating Pokemon! Perhaps that's why Arceus has elected to keep the two of you in Hisui for the time being after all.

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think. Current Chapter: This one is loooong. Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. In this chapter we have our couple coming closer together - talking about some issues they've both had in their lives. Also this is the chapter where you'll get to know one of my favourite Namjoon songs and like why the OC is named what she's named. Also just a reminder because im a bit paranoid - Rim Jhim (referred to as Rim) is our OC Brishti. Its a pet name that's introduced in this chapter. And Namjoon being the wordsmith that he is makes it shorter, with the korean meaning of the word.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish Chapter 1

Chapter 2

And so it went for the next few days, the two of them quietly discovering each other. They were finding out the normal, casual, small things - how he didn’t like mint chocolate, how she loved bitter black coffee. Since both of them worked, they decided to split the chores at home. It worked out great because Namjoon liked to sweep & Brishti loved to do the dishes. They both struggled to cook but they decided to learn how to cook each other’s cuisines. So she was learning how to make kimchi (the green onion one) & he was learning how to prepare daal (the yellow one). They split the rent & decided to create a separate bank account for their savings. Talking about money increased warmth because they discovered that neither valued it excessively.

Slowly, they began talking about things a little more intimate. Meanings of names were revealed. She was impressed that his name meant genius. And he loved that hers meant rain. Pet names were introduced. He called her Rim - an even shorter version of her daak naam Rim Jhim. He told her to call him Joon. She looked away, smiling, then - silently telling him they’re not there yet. What he didn’t tell her was that he was already making up a fairytale about Joon, the genius & Rim, the brilliant jade that makes him so.

They spoke about books the most. Between them, they had half the globe's literature covered. She had read Indian authors & Russian & Spanish ones. He loved Korean authors, Japanese literature & all the Greek Classics. He geeked out about philosophy & poetry while she nerded over nature writing & music. They spoke about how they might take a look at other European writers & musicians together. To that end, Namjoon brought home a book of love poems by Rilke.

He hadn’t told her that he wrote poetry too. He hadn’t mentioned anything because it seemed like an indulgence of the past, poetry. But that night everything changed. After a late dinner, Brishti had asked to read aloud from the book he’d brought. As she read ‘To Music’, Namjoon saw tears float in her eyes. Secretly, something inside him had wept too. And just like that, he knew he would begin writing soon.

Each week the two watched late shows of classic hollywood musicals in a nearby theatre because they’d decided against a tv in their home - opting, instead, for a record player. Meeting for a movie each of the two Fridays they’d spent together so far was an experience both looked forward to - not only for the movie. In the darkness of the movie theatre, they experienced the first glimpses of intimacy. Soft smiles, whispering, silent glances, hands caressing each other. He loved how she laughed with abandon. She loved that he would tear up during the emotional scenes.

Her smile was getting wider, warmer toward him, Namjoon noted everyday. He’d been sleeping separately since their wedding night because he wanted her to feel safe. He was mostly okay with that except if he thought about it… If he thought about a time when he would get to touch her - Namjoon almost felt dizzy with feelings.

This happened the most when he saw her read by the window, he ached to touch her. That was her - Brishti - that was who she was at her core. Reading, running her fingers through her short hair, staring out the window, thinking, looking at clouds & then going back to reading. She was still quiet, but less so. She spoke about the rain and the trees and when she was happiest, he learned, when she really trusted that no one was going to judge her, she spoke about the moon. It had happened twice in the last few days.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. As though that needed reasoning, he thought about it at the office too. It wasn’t the only answer he could come up with but Namjoon had never seen a body like hers. She didn’t seem brittle or delicate, the way most women looked - or were “supposed to look”. She didn’t care what a body is supposed to look like, at least, it seemed that way to him. Brishti’s curves were not subtle. She was short and while almost everyone was shorter than him, Brishti was just… sexily so. She’d do these things… seemingly normal, everyday things but they would quickly, embarrassingly, inspire an arousal in him. Like, that thing she did, when she stretched after waking up or even if she stretched her arms or her neck… for some reason that turned him on so much, he’d have to hide… or excuse himself. His breath hitched, everytime he thought about how he hadn’t still actually seen her body.

Brishti, too, enjoyed looking at him from afar. Sharing, creating a living space with a man was never something she thought she would enjoy. They had exchanged the basic stories of how they had reached each other.

Namjoon had said, “I’d met a couple of women… girls… but they just seemed either plastic or porcelain… you know? I mean, not all of them could have been that but that's how they… presented themselves? You… I saw your photos in a pile that the matchmaker labelled ‘rubbish’”

“What?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry but it’s actually a compliment to be labelled ‘bad’ by a matchmaker. That’s why I was looking in that pile in the first place… when I heard you wanted to keep working… Honestly I was so relieved...”

She smiled, “At least you got a look at me… I didn’t even know what you looked like till we met. I had no choice at all. A boy had agreed to marry me - despite… me… so that was the end of it. That was the bargain with my brother… otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to work either.”

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Rim. That’s really… really unfair.”

“Hmm yeah… I just figured if I can keep earning & the man turns out to be wrong, at least I can leave.”

“That’s… thanks for not leaving...”

Brishti smiled, “I got lucky...”

Namjoon understood, then, that Brishti might be an introvert but that did not mean she was shy. She made him blush & laugh. She made him speak without inhibition. The more time he spent with her, his feelings poured out.

“Thanks… It’s been really nice to share this home with you. Just to have you to talk to… My life was not going that great...” he said.

Brishti nodded, even though she already knew this. Whatever he said, strangely, she could see a deeper melancholy behind it. They spoke about being strangers in a strange country. She told him how she had to fight at the library for Tagore to be considered classic literature. How she was slowly but surely, being accepted in the oddball group that ran the library. She was not the only non-english person there, so things were easier for her. Besides, true readers had always been more accepting of the different.

Something made her regret sharing her happiness about this because his struggle in this foreign land was far more intense… she could sense pain behind the words he used. Namjoon did not enjoy his job the way she did. He worked overtime most days and came home bone-tired. Kim Namjoon was in many ratraces at the same time - races Brishti felt he didn’t want to participate at all. Being a lawyer, being an asian - the ‘model minority’, being a slightly well-off Korean in a sea of white men, in a sea of less fortunate asians who were being treated much worse than him. Trying to create a name, an identity of his own was wearing him out... chipping away at his soul.

Brishti sometimes saw him and saw a great banyan cutting itself down, trying to be a shrub just to fit in. When she asked him how his day was, he always smiled. It was real, the smile and yet it couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. Something that was beginning to bother Brishti more and more, these days. He... had begun to matter more and more these days.

Now, about two weeks into their marriage, she was experiencing butterflies about the smallest things; Things like watching him sleep on the fold out, bringing him coffee in the morning. She felt a pull deep inside her take over when he would come out of the shower in the bathrobe, skin glistening from the shower & musky man-scents launching her body in a fantastical arousal & her mind in overdrive. Somedays, Brishti even went for a shower after he’d been, just so she could soak in his essence & bathe in a trance she had never felt before.

On their third weekend together, Namjoon didn’t have to go to work the whole weekend. He’d spoken to his superior at the firm to let him have weekends free - after all, he was married now. Post lunch that Saturday, Brishti and he kept unpacking, organising while talking (well, later on, it was just coffee & talking) into the early hours of Sunday. They spoke about things they loved, people they had loved. About fictional crushes and real ones. Both of them spoke about their past relationships. Something Brishti was delighted about - especially since Namjoon told her he was not the type to hold someone’s past against them.

Brishti couldn’t believe it when Namjoon had correctly guessed, “It was the photographer, right?”

“What-?! How- Where- How did you…?” Brishti couldn’t even form a question.

“Your photos, at the matchmakers… something was different. All the other pictures women give out for arranged matches seem... fake. Yours were… real… private. You looked comfortable… looked like you were being teased...” What he didn’t say was how much it seemed in those pictures like she was with someone she truly liked… maybe even loved.

Sat on the ground opposite Namjoon, Brishti kept her gaze on him. It unnerved Namjoon that she could really see him. She unnerved him further when she said, “You should say what you aren’t saying… or… asking?”

“Did you love him?”

“Not really… it was just... a different kind of friendship… ended almost as soon as it began. But I- I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the kind of love-” she trailed off. She looked away, smiling but trying to hide it. The same way she had in the photograph.

He pressed further just to tease her “Kind of love...?” Namjoon was intrigued because she was blushing now & he wanted to plant a thousand pecks on her. Instead he said, “So you can just… stop what you were saying? Mmm. Okay. I see.”

She looked at him then, “I’m feeling… a lot… of… different things these days. Especially because of a couple of dimples...”

Just like that, she turned the tables & his dimples appeared. He blushed, “Yeah… same. I mean… you don’t have dimples but I’ve-”

She nodded to let him know she understood. And then asked, “Uhm... Have you… had sex?”

Namjoon bit his lip, “Yeah… yes. I... had a girlfriend in law school. It… uh… wasn’t serious… for her.”

Brishti looked away nodding, as if stopping herself from saying something.

He looked at her… knowing what she probably wanted to say. He wanted to hug her but he only said, “It doesn’t matter, does it? For me it doesn’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex too… I know how people can be about virginity… I- honestly… it's just another way to control people.”

She looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She took a minute to compose herself & then said, “I’ve never met a man like you… and it's a little confusing and annoying… Not that you are annoying… not at all. It’s just the world is annoying because this is how low the standard is for a man. A man accepting that the woman has a past makes him… forward…? But of course the woman has to… because, well, he’s a man and he has needs. We’re all told that… Shirley... who works with me… she knows it too. Women just aren’t supposed to talk about their pasts. All women.”

She paused & got flustered further because of how dedicatedly Namjoon had been listening. It really seemed as if he was taking notes. The serious expression on his face, it made Brishti's ears feel hot. Almost as a distraction, she went on -

“It's crazy but that seems to be the only thing THE WHOLE WORLD has agreed on - they can’t agree on one way to make bread but they all agreed that women are inferior. It’s such a basic thing to just let me work… because I want to… but it's annoying that it makes me feel lucky. My best friend had to go through hell because she thought she could trust her husband with the truth about her past… so it makes me feel lucky that… you won’t…”

Namjoon could see the pain in her words. Maybe that’s how she could always sense the pain in his words, he thought.

After a calming silence passed over them, he spoke - “I won’t. I don’t really know what it’s like for a woman. And… maybe you won’t like to hear this, but… I was the same, Rim... I was the man my society had trained me to be. Everything changed when I came here. When, for the first time in my life, I understood what it’s like to be treated inferior. Since then, I just… I cannot be the cause of a feeling like that within anyone... So… you’re right. I’m not doing anything everyone shouldn’t already do. All of this should be normal. Expected. Hopefully the world learns a bit faster…”

Brishti smiled at Namjoon. She chuckled when tears pooled up in her eyes. He instinctively reached out for her & placed a hand on her leg, just below her knee. A jolt went through Brishti and she looked surprised. He did too. Namjoon retracted his hand immediately & looked away, blushing. That’s when Brishti laughed out loud. She stood up. And asked him to stand up, silently.

He did. It always made Brishti’s heart flutter just how gorgeous and tall he was. Someday, she would tell him. Someday, she would show him. For now, she couldn’t help feeling bashful as she asked, “Can I get a hug, Joon?”

This was the first time she’d used the pet name that he’d asked her to call him by. This was what his family called him. And her using this name assured Namjoon of just that - she was becoming family. Her question had made his heart flip. He moved without really thinking, because this is what his body had wanted since the day he saw her. He pulled her up in his arms. He felt like he was melting. She was soft. Warm. Beautiful. And in his arms.

Brishti gasped a little when Namjoon had scooped her up in his arms. She was on her toes, literally & figuratively. She held onto him, less as a hug & more as support… at first. Then, she felt his arms… the strong arms that she had been ogling at, around her. It was as if a knot came undone, within her, suddenly. And in its place, the softest silk suddenly flowed through her body.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. The same essence that she’d been soaking in after he had showered, that she had been breathing in whenever he would pass by or reach past her. The essence that she had now become so hungry for that she had been secretly sleeping with the shirt he’d worn from the laundry basket. That essence was now all over her. Her chin turned up, resting on his shoulders, her cheeks touching his, her hands - on their own - reached the nape of his neck and began to play with his hair.

When she did that, Namjoon held her tighter, pressed her on to him. He felt her body react to his. One hand reaching her shoulder around her back, he moved the other closer to her waist, so his hands could fold over her curves. He could feel her breath hitch when he did that.

Brishti was revelling in the feeling of his hands, his fingers, feeling his fingertips press into her - that was a feeling she could never have imagined making her so... so... drunk. She was drunk. She ran her hands up and down his vast back, all the way up to his hair. All of a sudden she could feel herself overcome with emotion. Tears began pooling in her eyes again. And she said, before it was too late, she said, “Thank you, Joon, for everything… thank you.”

When he heard the tremble in her voice, Namjoon pulled away, just so he could see her. Brishti quickly retracted too - to wipe off her tears, trying to laugh off the silliness, apologising. Namjoon replied, “It’s okay… I understand… I… Thank you, Rim. I hope you… you know what I mean...” What he wanted to say, what he hoped she understood was that she was what was helping him come alive. But being unable to, Namjoon knew someday he would. Someday soon.

Brishti nodded to say she understood. Namjoon tried to lighten the atmosphere, saying, “You’re not… just anyone, you know? So… maybe you should tell me something I could do which is… not just basic decency, but something that can be considered truly feminist, you know. I’d love to do that for you.”

Brishti smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt tired & almost of its own accord, her body stretched into a yawn. She said, “I’ll think of something. We- I should go now… Do you want- anything?...” Brishti was delighted about how drunk she had gotten from one hug. It was exciting that she knew she’d be sleeping with the sweater he had tossed in the laundry basket tonight. She decided to take a bit more time to enjoy being intoxicated without a substance, together and alone.

Later that night, as Namjoon laid on his fold out sofa, alone, he thought of how great it had felt to have Brishti in his arms. To have someone who wanted to know about his day. To feel her heartbeat, like raindrops, knocking on his chest like it was a window pane, almost as if asking to be let in…

Thoughts like these, they made Namjoon reach for the notepad & pen that he always kept close by. He wrote. He wrote of being world weary and suddenly having a friend. Suddenly feeling like the world wasn't rushing him, that he didn’t need to run, that he could take time, be slow, be a poet. His heart tugged at his pen as it wrote lines about what it felt like to have someone cry for him. To have someone be full of feelings for him, to have someone to embrace his weary body. He wrote about how he missed that embrace and yet it was okay… as long as she was still here, maybe not just next to him, yet. Maybe someday. It was okay because she asked how he was every day and Brishti was here, forever. Namjoon felt tears run down his own face, as he titled the first poem he’d written in almost five years - Forever Rain.

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Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

[evie-solaris]

MLDD server shut down and "compensation" [Link to full tweet]

It is finally happening.

Mldd will officially shut down on June 6th and all our data will be wiped. Can't say I didn't see this coming but it still hurts. That's 2 years worth of our effort and money gone down the drain.

We have the option to transfer our gems over to a newly created mlqc account along with some "bonus" gifts based on our vip exp...and that's it. I will be getting gift III which is 1500gems, 10 galaxy wish, 10 sunrise wish, vip trial and some mats. I rather keep my karmas than gems tho. The compensation as they call it is not enough to cover the cost of 1 SSR unless you get lucky with the wish tree.

Some of the things I am sad about losing are my karma collection, 31 SSRs (15 are Kiro's), archive of Kiro's rumors and secrets (weirdly I love R&S and I'm actually upset about this), top 50 shine like stars rank, limited avatar frames, unlocked outfits, story dates, game progression and cn voiceovers. I know others who will be losing more than me and I can only imagine how they must be feeling rn.

I wasn't sure if I want to start over again. I thought I should just install it at the very least to be able to transfer my gems while deciding if I should quit. So anyway I messed around for quite a bit and I think I understand why some players left for mlqc. The functions are more intuitive and there was so much more story content. Then I checked out Kiro's birthday event and when I saw the bday karma...I got a little emotional. 2 years is too short and I was not ready to say goodbye to Kiro and the other guys. I'm talking about a bunch of pixels like they are real but it was what kept me going sometimes. I decided to stick around for a while and I speed ran the first few chapters until I had enough dawn wishes for a free 10 pull. And guess what. I'm not bluffing, I have it recorded on video. The very first karma and out comes...Kiro SSR whisk you away. I dunno if this is the smart thing to do but I am taking this as a sign to stay and start a new journey.

As a mldd player who has never installed mlqc and took extreme measures to avoid spoilers for some time, loading the game and discovering the differences for the first time...is an experience.

Quick summary, these are my first impressions:

We get the choice of 1 SR from the start. Seen this before on mldd but it was during a later update. I wasn't aware it was for new players which is nice.

Thought I was stuck with the old interface until later chapters reveal the other version which was the same as mldd. Huge relief. The default terrace background is nice too.

There's definitely more QOL functions like "claim all" button for dailies and friends stamina.

More convenient ways of obtaining mats from the karma page

Didn't like the auto complete 10 mats. I prefer a smaller number like 5 in mldd. Then again there are other ways to go about this like the quick remake button.

Profile page lets you write a short bio and display 4 karmas. That's neat.

House feature. This deserves its own post.

The shop and gem exchange. Like I said I love R&S a lot so right away I noticed hourglass costs real money, not gems. Sad. I calculated the gem exchange and found it costs a little bit more. Vip costs the same even after conversion surprisingly.

New types of karmas. Not sure how they all work yet.

24hr challenge is literally a challenge with so many missing karmas.

I will stop here for now if not the post will be too long. Future blog posts will contain more about my progress.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

for that ask meme: ralsei

fluffy boy! (send me a character)

First impression: he seems... nice? almost suspiciously nice? i'll go along with you but i'm gonna keep an eye on you the whole time

Impression now: he has Secrets but i don't think he's evil or anything. i don't trust him but i do like him

Favorite moment: HMM i really like the swan boat ride... where he shows signs of like, learning how to be A Person and figuring out that actual friendship is a lot different than he imagined it, but not bad! but also that he doesn't... really know himself very much... & he's still sort of desperate for positive feedback. idk what his arc's gonna look like but i feel like that boat ride is setting up for it

Idea for a story: hmmmmmmm oh no i have a bunch that are sort of ralsei-adjacent... oh there was one idea i had which is a kind of like, postapocalyptic au where the roaring happens when susie and kris are still babies, so now the barrier between light and dark has broken down entirely, lightners are lost in an endless nightmare etc, and hometown's the only place that's sort-of-safe for both lightners and darkners because the pure darkness of castle town's fountain still protects darkners from statue-ifying.

ralsei's sort of a prophetic figure and the town's... religious leader? not sure exactly how to put it, he doesn't run things day-to-day but he's still very trusted and respected, on account of he's the only person who has any fucking idea what's going on.

anyway, susie and kris and the rest of the hometown kids get to grow up in this post-disaster world covered in darkness, learning and figuring out how to survive, occasionally leaving town to look for supplies and bring back any darkners that are still save-able

Unpopular opinion: he can be a little pushy sometimes when not talking to the player! and it's Suspicious! like he wants everyone to follow the same script and the player's the only one allowed to direct them!

Favorite relationship: hmmmm i have a lot of fun writing him and spamton interacting in wardrobe malfunction. i think puppet ralsei and spamton is a fun combo in general

Favorite headcanon: he's another of gaster's puppets! he's just been better handled than the secret bosses, but he's still being steered and manipulated and the bonus knowledge of how his world works is fucking with him a little. this is (a big part of) why he tried to brush off the spamton fight afterwards cause uh oh, they aren't... so different are they. that could be youuuu

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, and I'm blanking in the moment! I know you have a lot of recs and I love them all. Maybe your favourite AUs? Broadly speaking? Seeing some of them might help jog me into more specific categories ! xx

Gotcha, sort of like my prison rec list, only I like to think of it more in terms of what would I have on my phone to read when I’m bored and traveling, lol. Obvs, this sort of list is super hard, but having it focused on AUs kinda helps? At any rate, this isn’t a deep dive, it’s just my top level, so hopefully it’ll spark you. These are in no particular order, so come back if you want more!

Tuxedo Dress-Up, by Blake (honestly, ANYTHING in this fandom by Blake, I file this one under hot and hilarious, but every line is just swooooon). Louis is an aspiring song writer by day, a makeup artist for drag queens by night, and masquerading as a full-time real estate agent for his third most famous (and first most handsome) client Harry Styles.Or, five times they fail to fuck in a closet, and one time they get it right.

Once Upon a Dream, by objectlesson (again, ANYTHING by Phoenix, and most of it is canon, but where to even start with her AUs, jesus god, I struggled to rec just one, so I went with the AU she gifted me, ilu!!!!). “M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay.” Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

knock knock, i love you, by @thelovejandles aka beautlouis (another one of my fave authors in this fandom, proof that wips DO finish, and they’re absolutely worth it). Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.

Tied Down, by @ham-palpert (the twists and turns here, my goddd, just masterful) The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated.

Alien Roadtrip! by @helloamhere (needs ao3 account; I love desert roadtrips, and this captures that vibe perfectly, plus it’s hilarious). For the first time in his life, Louis doesn’t know where he’s going. Harry doesn’t mind. Or, a roadtrip with desert feelings, too much snack food, and empty motels. Harry is definitely absolutely not an alien. That would be ridiculous.

Harry Styles Cooks..., by @magicalrocketships aka sunsetsmog (aka the very best wip on earth, I weep with joy whenever I get the notif). In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker. Or Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

just call me inspiration, by @hereforlou (in which I *am* Liam Payne, porn editor!) The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

Buried Like Treasure, by @becomeawendybird aka quickedween (marcel marcel marcel!!!). Prince Harry Styles is very private. He chooses to keep himself out of the public eye but feels lonely and isolated while surrounded by people in his hectic royal life. When he finishes his dissertation, he decides to take a solo holiday to one of the royal family's properties in the Swiss Alps. Semi-retired thief Louis Tomlinson has been pulled in for one last job: steal a painting from an uninhabited mansion. Neither one of them expects a natural disaster.

into another serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo (this story packs a LOT into a little, it helped inspire my sideblog with smaller fic recs, actually). Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Turning Page, by @daisyharry aka purpledaisy (pretty much every on-set picture I see of Harry these days just makes me tag it for this fic). “You wanna buy Harry a drink?” Louis lets his eyes drip back to Harry, to his wide eyes and the way his shoulders curve down. He really is pretty – Louis will be the first one to admit it and the last one to ever say it out loud. Louis almost smirks and his lips twitch as he tilts his head, “Not particularly, no.” An AU where Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

hush. by wankerville (this story is achingly evocative of just about every shitty small American town, but my god is it beautiful, the sweetness of how it ends). “I don't like you like that, Harry.” “See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.” Or an AU where small towns suck, louis is losing it, and harry’s just too perfect.

Three French Hems, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (I wish I could pick just ONE of my top three from these two, but alas...do persimmons smell like come? discuss).  In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

Thought the Song Was Sung, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (see above, pretty much, and how happy I am that the tweets still show up! with Dame Julie Andrews even!!). Louis never auditioned for the X-Factor. Years later, Harry's just another gay ex-boybander who lives alone with his cat... until Niall decides to take matters into his own hands and set up a profile for Harry on a dating website.

Wild and Unruly, by @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy (Iconic, even the abstract is iconic, everything still holds up. oh for cute, etc. etc.). Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? by loadedgunn (another one that inspired my sideblog dedicated to short fics! So much greatness packed in, Jesus, it’s in my top five for sure). Louis reenacts his first time, and Harry wants to be his good girl.

“burn this flame” by @rainbowninja aka rainbowninja167 (anytime I reread this, I smile...filed under hot and hilarious). When Harry gets invited to play in a celebrity charity match with Louis Tomlinson, Manchester United's star player, he's determined to impress him with brilliant football skills. The only flaw in Harry's otherwise foolproof plan? He has absolutely no football skills, brilliant or otherwise.

Challenging Nature: A Look into Male Lactation, by @jaerie (hands down, one of my fave kinks, handled fantastically well...and this isn’t the author’s only one!).  Even taking into account all the bizarre things Harry has subjected himself to in the past for the sake of an article, Harry has received his strangest assignment yet. It comes up as a random misunderstanding in a meeting and builds into a conversation — can men breastfeed? Internet searches reveal documented cases of male lactation popping up at different times throughout history, but are any of them true? Can a man will himself into lactating? Harry has two months to make it happen.

like how your hands feel me up and down, by ballsdeepinjesus (this author wrote a lot of my faves back in the day, I have so many ~thoughts about the amazing writers in this particular era). “It’s -- you’re tight,” Louis chokes. “It’s tight, I mean. It’s. Yes.” His hand is curved around his hip now, squeezing lightly. “Tight’s good, right?” Harry murmurs, batting his eyelashes. He almost can’t believe himself. “Very good,” Louis grunts. Or louis works in a halloween shop and harry needs a costume.

baby look what you've done to me, by ballsdeepinjesus (see above; even the username kills me). The next day kind of turns everything upside down, though. Louis gets another lingerie catalogue addressed to Harry. He’s about to toss it when he sees a personalized note stuck to the front; it thanks Harry for his previous purchases and offers him a complimentary six-month subscription to their magazine free of charge. Or louis moves into harry's old flat. harry gets a lot of mail.

Take Our Bodies Higher, by @littlelouishiccups (I’m something of a connoisseur of the phone sex trope, so the way this author flips it and makes *Harry* the operator plus what ensues? chef’s kiss!). Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that. In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

Make a Dime Go One Hundred, by @screwstyles (I’d rec this for their jobs alone, but everything in it, just wow). “Do you think you could trust anyone enough to have full control over you?” he asks into the night, hoping his sentence won’t break their bubble. It doesn’t, if the way Harry’s eyes meet his is any indication.“What do you mean?” Harry’s voice is barely above a whisper, rough from the singing they had done earlier. Louis wants to keep this memory forever.“You know, if someone wanted to, uhm,” he coughs, “to tie you up, or blindfold you.” Or a friends to lovers AU where Harry volunteers to help Louis experiment with bondage. Things don’t go exactly to plan.

it ain't trickin' if ya got it, by sarcasticfluentry (needs ao3 account; I often stare at the wall and wonder what another installment in this universe would be, fuckkkkk, it’s so good, I only wish the social media was still in it). 28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.

If You Asked Me if I Love Him (I'd Lie), by allyasavedtheday (needs an ao3 account; it’s a sequel, but I reread it over and over vs. the first piece).  Or the one where Harry and Louis eloped but neglected to mention it to anyone. Meanwhile Lottie is getting married and the only way for them to not steal her thunder is by pretending they're just friends for the weekend. Featuring Harry and Louis as terrible liars who don't know the meaning of the word platonic and some Tomlinsons and Styleses who definitely don't believe them.

Damn, I could go on, but I’ll stop! My sideblog dedicated to short fics is @marathonficbreak, and it has some smaller ones, if this is too intimidating, lmao...hope some of them are new for you, enjoy!

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Like many other Gaylors, I'm fascinated with Taymily from a historical perspective. We know so little about it compared to Swiftgron and Kaylor, and wondering about which Fearless and Speak Now songs may be about Emily drives me mad with curiosity! However, I admittedly feel a little unconventional when people talk about Taymily without critically noting some things. First of all, I've heard from some people that Emily had a guy at home while touring with Taylor. (2/3)

I’m all for people exploring their sexuality, and Isupport open relationships as long as they’re honest and healthy, but if Emilyreally did cheat on a partner at home that’s not cool! Secondly, I feel alittle uneasy about Taymily because of the age gap between Taylor and Emily.Taylor was 16/17 when she dated Emily, and Emily was 21. I’m 17 now, and I’dfeel really creeped out if somebody older than 19 tried to start a romanticrelationship with me.

I don’t doubt that Taylor used to be very mature forher age as a teenager, but no matter how intelligent or wise you are as achild, an adult is still in an entirely different ballpark! There’s also thefact that as somebody way more experienced in the music industry, Emily wasprobably way more knowledgeable than Taylor about what a closeted relationshipwould entail. Taking that into account, I can’t help but feel sorry for Taylor.Emily left her when she was barely of legal age!

I can’t imagine what it must have felt like for Taylorwhen Emily decided as a fully-fledged adult that being in a gay relationshipwasn’t in her best interests after all, and that she’d rather have ‘a husbandand kids’. I don’t think Emily is an evil person or anything, but I reallycan’t ignore the power of position she was in this context. Do you get what Imean? (Also please just ignore my divisions now they’re a mess sksksksk I’msorry)

I hope I don’t sound accusatory in these asks, becauseI’m still as fascinated with Taymily as other Gaylors, and I’m not mad or angryat anybody for being interested in them. But I feel like it’s important to notethat Taymily may have been a bit ethically murky at the time, and that therelationship may have not been ideal or healthy. What do you think? I’m sorryfor spamming your inbox, and I hope this doesn’t annoy you ;-; Thanks forhearing me out!

–

Hello dear!

First of all you make a lot of valid points here and don’t sound accusatory at all, I think it’s really important to have conversations like this. Secondly don’t apologize for the divisions and the length, figuring out how much text fits into a tumblr ask is a serious pain and you are not annoying at all, I love getting long asks like this! Lastly, I hope that this ask is the first and not in fact the second one of all that you sent, because if the division on this one is correct I’m afraid I didn’t receive the first one.

Also sorry in advance if my response makes no sense it became somewhat messy at times…

Now for your points:

 Itseems Emily did have a guy back homeat some point, which I’m basing off of this comment by Taylor, astatement that she allegedly dropped when introducing Emily during the rest ofthe shows, causing some Gaylors to assume perhaps Emily broke up with the dudeonce she fell for Taylor and thus didn’t cheat on anyone, at least not for theentire duration of her relationship with Taylor (not that any cheating, nomatter how brief is okay, of course.) Although I can admit that the “whathappens in L.A stays here” is reminiscent of cheating, which noooo Tay!

According to thisarticle though, Emily married a dude she was friends with in high school, perhaps giving the impression to somethat she had been with him the whole time including her time with Tay, but thearticle makes sure to point out that they reconnected after Emily returned home having left her position in Taylor’sband.

Of course the boyfriend mentioned by Taylor inthat clip could have been a different man from the one Emily ended up marrying,but since Taylor dropped the “Emily-has a boyfriend”-part of her introduction Ithink it’s relatively safe to assume Emily was single for the majority of hertime working for Taylor.  OR the more funpossibility is that Taylor herself is the “boyfriend” mentioned in theintroduction and she’s just messing around, implicitly warning people not tohit on her girl :P I guess we will never know for how long (if at all) Emilyhad a boyfriend while being with Taylor, but I hope everyone broke up witheveryone else before entering a different relationship of course, regardless I thinkit’s safe to assume Emily is bisexual and might have been figuring that outduring her time with Taylor. (Not that bisexual people cheat or that figuringout your sexuality makes cheating okay in any way, just wanted to point out thefact that she’s most likely bi)

 Inall honesty the older I get the more uneasy I become with the age gap too, I firstdiscovered Taymily when I myself was 16 and at the time I had several friendsmy age who were all dating people in their early 20’s so I suppose in my socialcircles at that time that age gap didn’t seem too significant. Although Now I’m23, about a year-ish older than Emily was when she first started going out withTay and let me tell you, I would personally feel incredibly uncomfortabledating a 16-17 old at this point in my life and do now consider that age gap verysignificant.

I agree that Taylor has likely always been avery mature and wise-beyond-her-years sort of person, but that still mostdefinitely doesn’t make someone over 18 dating her at 16-17 okay, like you say, it’s anentirely different ballpark.

To be somewhat fair though, I do not thinkEmily was more experienced in the industry than Taylor, actually I think itmight have been the other way around, see Taylor had been writing songs in atleast a semi-professional setting since age 13 or so, Emily just applied to thepoison of fiddle player for The Agency (not yet called that at that time)straight out of college where she to my understanding had been studyingsomething unrelated to music, I don’t think she’d been doing music in such aprofessional sense before joining Team Taylor. 

Iwant to state before I continue that I am not defending Emily the adult’s decision to enter a relationshipwith a minor, but I can imagine thatliving in such close courters and being on the road trying to figure thismusic-industry thing out must lend itself pretty well for unexpected  things to happen between people and I do notthink either of the two planned to fall for each other. Was it inadvisable andunprofessional and like you say a little ethically murky? Most definitely, butit did happen regardless of anyone’s intentions, just as things in life tendto.

 I do feel like had Emily stopped to reflect on the decision she would’ve mostlikely come to the conclusion that a relationship with Taylor wasn’t the bestidea from an image or closeting standpoint, but I do not think either of themwere prepared for the pushback their relationship would receive from managementand I do believe the Emily’s forced dismissal was out of both of their handsand it likely wasn’t Emily’s intention to leave so abruptly.  That being said I do think Taylor held on tohope that they’d be able to be together romantically regardless of the firingand I do think Emily shot her down there. Without a question it would have beenEmily’s responsibility as an adult to look at their relationship more clearlythan Taylor could and I agree with you that choosing not to do so most likelyput Emily in a power position that is indeed hard to ignore!

 Asfor Emily’s comments about leaving Taylor because she “wanted a husband andkids” that does strike me as some powerful internalized homophobia which makesme sad (Em, gay people can have those things too but okayyyyy) And I too oftenthink about how upsetting and borderline traumatic the whole experience ofthe firing, vigorous closeting by management and breakup that followed that must have been for Taylor as a teenager. I do think that’s the reason we gotso many heartbreaking songs (such as All Too Well) where it does appear she’sworking through some serious life-altering trauma related to her love life andalso by extension all of the bearding and closeting that followed all of this.

As mylast point I just want to make absolutely clear that this is all speculation asto what happened between Taylor and Emily and how their relationship playedout, we will never know the facts. Furthermore, we all know that I am Taymily trash and will continue to enjoy this ship to the day I die, but this is a super important conversationto have as we continue to explore Taymily and other of Taylor’s relationshipsin an analytic light!

Thankyou so much for these asks, anon! 😊😊😊