#I'm honestly so exhausted
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can I please go for one single day without 292179 new problems popping up in my life can I please just spend one single day without being in survival mode
#I honestly think I started the survival mode thing when I was like 7 and then never turned that shit off let's go rea you're doing amazing#I already cried once today and I have all the afternoon shift ahead of me so yeah#I'm honestly so exhausted
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I have so many thoughts on Arcane which I'll get to eventually, but before that I just have to say...
ANYONE who is complaining about how short and rushed this season was, or how little time we got with certain characters/plots... don't blame the creators or the writers.
Blame the streamers. Those studios, Netflix in particular, are the ones who are responsible for destroying TV and cutting seasons in half, and then limiting most shows to 2 seasons. Television has suffered so much because of their greed. Those studios aren't run by artists, they're run by moneymen. They don't care about your shows, they don't care about the stories or the characters or the fans, they just want money. And they mismanage their money so much it's fucking sickening.
And yes, it is a choice. It doesn't have to be this way, and there can be exceptions. The finale of the last season of Stranger Things was 2 and a half hours long. It was it's own movie.
So blame the streamers. Blame them every single day until we get greedy asshole's hands off of our art so that we have the space to present our stories in the way they deserve.
EDIT: To be clear when I say streamers, I'm talking about the studios, particularly the ones like Netflix/Disney/Hulu that can only be watched on the internet via streaming apps. Broadcast television used to be, and still is in some cases (Blue Bloods, Grey's Anatomy season 87...), 20-23 episode seasons. With story and nuance and side quests and growth.
#fck the studios#the art is dead#it is only about money now#i'm shocked at how well this season went considering how little time they had#arcane s2#arcane#arcane season 2#jayvik#caitvi#jinx#timebomb#so many things they have could have expanded on#that would have easily covered the 22 episodes that tv used to be#honestly it's hard to work in this industry and witness first hand#how badly studios fuck over movies and shows#they RESENT creators#and then it's worse to come on here#and see everyone blame the writers#the writers who often have to FIGHT tooth and nail to keep in some of your favorite content#ugh. it's so exhausting.#next time you're mad a creator#remember there's a greedy corporate asshole behind them who's tying their hands
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step by simple step
#sephiroth#cloud strife#ff7#cloud strife fanart#sephiroth fanart#advent children#ffvii#final fantasy#artists on tumblr#sketch#i'm honestly so exhausted all the time#managed to finish this between work
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so, uh, i got confirmation that i'm on the spectrum recently so i drew this as a silly joke art ft. my sona, henry and charlie because i also headcanoned them to be on it long before i even got assessed
#imagine accidentally finding out you're on the spectrum very late in life all because you hced your blorbos to be on it (can't be me)#i'd honestly never suspected myself of it my entire life so yeah it was pretty surprising and strangely relieving#fr fr i've been so busy and i'm trying to get my life together for the past few days and trying to digest this info so. sorry for inactivit#like i still have to get paperwork and requirements and cards and meds lmao im SO EXHAUSTED BUT i will keep on truckin#i promise chapter 7-8 is on the way!#also yes I revamped/redesigned my sona not too long ago!#anyways sorry for the life update dump in the tags haha#hopefully I get my comms done soon enough/the fic chapters done in a flash!#hidden hands au#fnaf au#fnaf fanart#charlie emily#henry emily#charlotte emily#fnaf henry emily#fnaf charlie emily#my art#personal art
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Spoilers for Simulanka Day 3
There's a conversation that I've had with friends from time to time about the fact that the world of Teyvat is, at its core, incredibly kind. Shockingly so, even for most fictional stories that aren't directed towards children. Even though the traveler has faced many antagonists on their journey, the people around them have always banded together to overcome those challenges. Even when people are hurt it's very rare for anyone to die, and many of the antagonists in question aren't pure evil and have their own reasons for taking the actions they take. They may not always operate on the same morality as the traveler or the player, and they might not be "good people", but they still believe that what they have to do is right, or at the very least necessary.
To put it more simply, Genshin is filled with characters that are made to be liked. Not every player will like every character, but very few of them are actively trying to work against you, and even when they do there's still something there to like. Except for like, Il Dottore, but he's likable for how unlikable he is (I have to say that or my Dottore enjoying friend will be sad lmao).
I got to thinking about this when playing the last part of Simulanka because it was a reminder of how, despite the kindness that they've been shown by Teyvat for the past three and a half years, the traveler's morality is still shockingly black and white in many situations.
We see this the most in how they interact with the Fatui. The Fatui, particularly the Harbingers, have cause a lot of damage in the past, but a lot of the grunts are just ordinary people following orders. the commission line in Mondstadt with Viktor, Golden Apple Archipelago 2 and The Chasm come to mind for times when we've interacted with Fatui grunts in a way that really humanizes them and shows that a lot of them really are just people doing a job. Some of them have just been surveyors or low-level guards, but the traveler and Paimon treat them like they're cartoon villains until proven otherwise (and sometimes even after proven otherwise).
The way that they acted towards Simulanka Durin before the party gave him their blessings also seemed to reflect this, especially in comparison to the other party members. Wanderer was obviously the most sympathetic to Durin, since his memories were like looking into a mirror for him, but Nilou, Navia, and Kirara all stepped forward to give Durin their support while the traveler was still showing doubts. They were thinking about how the residents of Simulanka might not forgive Durin, or how his form was too big and scary to coexist with everyone, which was an incredibly unsympathetic outlook even though they were ultimately able to change Durin's form.
It honestly reminds me a lot of how the traveler treated Scaramouche/Wanderer in Inversion of Genesis, like he was a person to be kept the company of only out of necessity as a means to keep him under control, even after Nahida said that she trusted him. Even though something did go wrong at the time, it still showed that the traveler's suspicion and distrust of Scaramouche was strong enough to outweigh their trust of Nahida, despite Nahida having proved herself many times to be wise and worthy of trust in the past. That mistrust and even disdain for him even carried over into when he reappeared with no memories, as the traveler was forcefully adamant that he needed to reclaim his memories and atone, to the point that it seemed like they were being a little bit mean about it.
It's arguable that Scaramouche deserved that treatment, since he was kind of a little shithead who caused a lot of harm in the past, but the traveler was also witness to how deeply he was hurt and manipulated in the past, and therefore would have some kind of understanding of why he turned out the way that he did.
Despite the traveler's usual helpfulness in Simulanka, Nilou, Navia, and Kirara all feel like contrasts to them. Nilou's whimsical outlook and positive mindset allowed her to grasp the magic of creation and even gave her the initiative to try and change Durin's form with magic in the first place. Navia is used to taking care of "the little guy", as it were, through the Spina, and was therefore willing to listen and empathize with the toy people who didn't want to undo the power of prophecy. (With those guys also being called "conservatives" or a "conservative radical" in English, that doesn't really have a good connotation depending on your political leaning, but Navia listened to them anyway). And with Kirara, while I haven't played her little sidequest yet, the description of her outfit described how the little cat burglar stole and returned the emotions of the cats that they hadn't been given when they were created, casting her in the role of someone who can understand the balance that anger, sadness, and pain bring to happiness.
The three of them, as well as the Wanderer, all carry Teyvat's fundamental kindness with them, and it was then coaxed out of the traveler only when all of them had already stepped forward.
It made me wonder if this is some kind of lesson that the traveler has to learn before reuniting with their sibling, that they need to be more willing to put their trust in people, or at least be more understanding of others. While the abyss twin hasn't divulged too much of what they've learned yet, they've made it clear that there are lessons that the traveler needs to learn about the world before they reunite. While that likely has a lot to do with various truths about Celestia and the sky being fake and all that, perhaps they're hoping for their sibling to learn that at least in Teyvat, sometimes people who cause harm to others are simply trying (or have tried and failed and lost hope) to find a path towards co-existing with others.
Since the abyss twin is supposedly born of Teyvat as well, perhaps they've already understood that part of this world from the very beginning and are waiting for their sibling to catch up.
#genshin impact spoilers#genshin impact#navi gets meta#lumine#aether#wanderer#scaramouche#durin#Usually when I'm writing the traveler I try to give them morality that's a bit greyer#But it's also fascinating to look at how they act in the game itself#Because honestly it's just kind of exhausting sometimes#Like Lumi you've met so many people by now you think you'd be less of a doubter#I was hating on Paimon a lot for this quest for being utterly whimsiless#But the traveler could use a bit more whimsy too#Or at least positive thinking#The fact that genshin's world is filled with so many well-meaning people will never not be fascinating to me#I kind of doubt that it's a fact that will ever be acknowledged by the narrative#But as the player it's so interesting to examine
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Lelesu and Themis in Tuliyollal! i commissioned @mythlorn for this and i love how it turned out so much.
#ffxiv#ffxiv art#wolidibus#elidibus#oc: lelesu lesu#getting this today has done so much for my exhausted and upset mood honestly#i'm just going to sit here and stare at them for a while
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hate it when i wanna draw something really cool but then forget that for that i'll need to like. Actually sit down and do it myself
#this week was all about bringing myself into my normal working routine#i almost burned out after the previous project and just tired now in general#with still so much to do#without the possibility to have weeks off cuz need money :_)#it's expedition time soon tho and i hope i'll be able to draw there normally#without feeling i'm failing at it#i'm still drawing things#quite a lot honestly#i just feel like i don't enjoy it as much as i could normally if i wasn't at 0 energy#anyway i hope i'll be back to my normal work shape or whatever soon#cuz this is exhausting#barghest barks#complaining post at its finest
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Happy Midsummer's eve! Remember to hold on to your shoulder companions when leaning down so they don't fall-
#gianttiny#giant tiny#sfwgt#giant/tiny#dragon's lair#lovia#t#niart#new art???#from moi???#insane#been so busy for so freaking long hghghg#then had the thought that hey i could do a newp iece for today#and so i did#feels good#just something for the vibes cuz what are details asjkdhjskadh i sure don't kow#just like playing around with vibes honestly#anyway#happy midsummer#i'm exhausted#wanna get back to more regular art#wanan get back to continuing the storyyy
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I need everybody to love their smiles. To the people with crooked smiles, with yellow or missing teeth (hell, even no teeth!), to the people whose smiles are huge, to the people who have half-smiles/awkward/crooked smiles because of face paralysis, to people with smiles that make their eyes crinkle or disappear: your smile is so amazing. You are wearing your happiness on your face, and that is so raw, so radiant, and so intrinsically human that there is nothing to hate about it.
There is nothing wrong with your smile or your happiness. I hope you can give your genuine smile with no fear. You deserve that
#positivity#ily smiles <3#so so angry that so many people have been taught to be ASHAMED of their smile#that's so so so so so so SO fucked up. it's honestly evil imo#i'm not even being sarcastic when i say that i think it can be genuinely evil to shame and humiliate people for their natural smile#this is a non-exhaustive list btw. these are just some of the reasons i remember hearing of traits people were ashamed of in their smile
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dude how the fuck is it that everyone on this server has insane chemistry with each other. my brain just fuckin bounces between dynamics like wow foolish and bad, wow baghera and forever, wow baghera and bagi, wow philza and etoiles, wow fit and pac, wow pac e mike, wow favela five AND six (bagi screeching "DON'T MESS WITH FAVELA" paraphrased had my mental hamster wheel hitting unprecedented rpms), wow the french and the french + bebou, wow antoine and mouse, wow bagi and tina, wow tina and forever, wow morning crew, wow slime and mariana WHO I'VE SEEN INTERACT LIVE O N E TIME, wow rivers and roier wow, wow rivers + the vaca crew, wow girl town, wow jaiden and roier, wow baghera bad and forever, wow forever and cellbit, wow cellbit and tazercraft, wow cellbit and roier, wow quackity and etoiles, wow phil and forever, wow bad and etoiles, wow tina and etoiles (fucking love them), wow aypierre and maximus (what the fuck, love it), wow foolish and jaiden (and also bad), wow missa and phil, holy shit jaiden and cellbit, jesus christ antoine and maximus and SEE
I AM MISSING A MILLION INTERACTIONS THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY GONE INTO MY SIBLING'S TEXTS TO SAY "GOD I LOVE THEM" AND I GUARANTEE I WILL ADD TO AND UPDATE THIS LIST WITH MORE (bc wit of the staircase) there is so much enrichment in my enclosure my brain literally doesn't know what to do with it. i've stalled out. i'm so happy. how the fuck did they do this.
additionally, bc i KNEW i'd forget something: foolish and vegetta (HOW), cellbit and baghera, baghera and fit, mouse and cellbit
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#i'm literally so excited for whenever german and lenay find time to play#esp bc i haven't seen german since his first day and i'm excited to get to know him#im really glad lenay was able to be there for the timer event that was really cool to see her there#honestly that goes for all the members i haven't been able to see on much#like niki and luzu and mariana and the like#genuinely i'm just so happy watching these people bounce off each other#their energy is incredible and it's so fun to watch#this is not an exhaustive list and i think that's really telling that i can name so many fucking dynamics and still not have named them all#i'm extremely happy. this is very cool what they've managed to do. holy fuck man. i'm never gonna be able to express it fully.
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People asking questions like is it weird to comment on fics that are 2+ years old, meanwhile I'm out here wondering if it's weird replying to comments from like 6+ months ago 😭
Like "Hey replying to this comment you left me weeks/months/years ago!! I read it and think about it a lot. You might not remember it, but oh how I do remember it."
#people leave me such nice comments on my fics i could honestly cry about it lol#i hate getting delayed on replying#but man my exhaustion has been killing me and i'm behind on so much stuff i need to get done#i got like 1 month of good sleep in august or something but it went downhill after that lmao#just a little vent in the tags i'm having sad self-pity times today lol shhhhhhhhh#okay byyyeeeee#dice ramblings
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(Realizes that the most common transman experiences perfectly align with my life and feelings about myself and fascinations and who I want to be with) Ohhhh Okay i am fucked
#I do really wish i could just snap my fingers and pilot a cisman's body around#Rather than go through the crucible of visibly transitioning. it seems like a waste to do it when the times are so awful.#I honestly still doubt myself so much but#I can only do so many years of Why are you perceiving me as a woman#Before the shit starts getting real#People really just dont take you fucking seriously. Like even at this point where im at now i still dont know if im quote unquote valid#Because maybe its just a feminist issue and the misogyny is rampant#But an emotional sensitive defensive anxious reactive woman is what i am seen as. Somehow.#When I have gone lengths to ensure that even those close to me do not see a hint of my unchained emotional reality. Just really beats it in#I am entirely logical when I describe my experiences to my family. Clinical and detatched and intentional. And they think i am to be coddle#All the fucking time. Exhausting. I don't want that. I want to come to mutual understanding. Not to beg for emotional attention.#Thats the only thing that ever visibly cracks me. Being horribly misunderstood and taken out of context. Logical self defense being denied.#And being full of estrogen just reinforces that shit. Im a frustration crier. If I had testosterone maybe it wouldnt prove people right.#When you bite back as a woman you are just a bitch.#My fear is that I will be an emotional transgender man that wants to be coddled. I am afraid it will be worse to be that.#I really do just want to be able to live and work and be taken seriously when I say what I mean and what my mind is like.#I want a chance at life. I feel like I'm seen as a hapless girl. Damaged and begging to be freed of all responsibility#No bitch I want to move out and actively build a life for myself and RAISE MYSELF! after years of being misunderstood and alone#And also i want to do homosexual war reenactments with another man or something i dont know i just wish it could be me#Maybe ill just donate blood and faint again#Anyway. Joker. Society. I am the joker#Who wanna reply and tell me if im a valid transman or not. I get chest dysphoria when i have proper posture.#I get ass and hip dysphoria.#Low key having a bangin body as a woman though confuses me still bc maybe i just like being hot more than i gaf about transitioning#It reeeeeally helps that my face has an impeccable T zone. Its kind of masc as hell.
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I came home from work absolutely exhausted and wound up passing out for a nap basically right away. Slept for like two hours, woke up to find that pizza had been ordered for dinner and my boss had texted a heads up that all the schools scheduled to come to the hill on monday preemptively cancelled for the cold weather, so there's no work for us instructors that day.
Nothing quite like waking up to pizza and a surprise long weekend. Best nap EVER.
#i was SO tired tho lmao#and still am honestly. chasing kids around a ski hill all week is exhausting#it was a really good nap but as soon as i've got dry hair and folded laundry i'm going to bed early
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Sanji has arachnophobia but like. The type of arachnophobia that makes you have panic attacks even if you only see a little, tiny spider around you. And I just know Usopp would love to have a pet spider. They go to an island and Usopp finds a hurt spider and takes care of it because of course he would, and decides to keep it because of course he would.
So, uh, Sanji doesn't like his boyfriend's pet. It's not like he's going to tell him, because what would he say to him? Sanji hasn't told him his fear of spiders is that bad (he definitely knows, though). And he doesn't want to get in between Usopp's excitement of keeping her. So the spider stays and at least Usopp is aware that Sanji doesn't like her, so he doesn't let her go close to him (she's very polite so it's okay).
But Usopp loves having her around. On his shoulder, his head, his hands-- The guy brings her with him everywhere. And the little thing is smart and somehow seems to understand what Usopp says. They're happy. It's cute. Luffy absolutely loves her. Robin is literally thrilled to study her behavior. And Sanji can't even look at her because he will start hyperventilating the second he notices her.
He'd try to get over his fear of her because Usopp wants them to get along but he won't force it on Sanji. Sanji just knows he wants them to be friends. The spider lives in Usopp's terrarium, which he keeps in his workshop, and so Sanji goes there without telling his boyfriend.
And he tries. He really, really tries. He's shaking when he sees her there, even if she's inside the terrarium. He's barely able to breathe when he tries to get her out of there. Again and again repeating the words Usopp constantly tells him "She's more afraid of you than you are of her" (which is bullshit, in Sanji's opinion) and "She only wants to be your friend! She likes you because I like you" (something extremely romantic but Sanji's brain doesn't process it that way).
He's about to call it a day and try to calm himself down before he actually stops breathing for good. But. You know. The terrarium is on the edge of the table that's already full of Usopp's stuff and the tablecloth is long and- And the terrarium falls and breaks and the spider ends on Sanji's foot-
He doesn't want to do it and it happens in instinct and regrets it immediately, but he kicks the spider. He doesn't know where she lands and he doesn't react immediately to it because he's too focused on trying to learn how to breathe again. He sits on the floor around broken glass and dirt and doesn't realize what he's done until he starts looking for her again. It's not even because of Usopp anymore. She's just a spider. She hasn't done anything but... Existing. She shouldn't be blamed for that. Even if Sanji is afraid of her.
Sanji looks around for her without getting up and finds her alive and well and crawling around avoiding the glass, but also trying to stay away from Sanji as much as possible. That breaks his heart because he might not know what she thinks the way Usopp does, but he knows when someone is scared.
At least she's okay. She's alright. That's a relief.
"I'm sorry, I-" He feels a bit stupid talking to her like this, but he knows she gets it. He hopes she does. "It's not you. You're- He loves you, okay? You're a good girl. I just- I just can't."
He feels his chest tightening when she approaches him ever so slowly, but he knows she won't do anything. His heart doesn't share the same sentiment, but he quiets it down. She looks almost apologetically as if she was the one reassuring Sanji and not the other way around. "It must be tiring." He holds his legs close to his chest to make space for her to walk next to his feet. He feels like he's about to pass out, but she's respectful. And nice. And kind of cute, even. And she's Usopp's. Sanji thinks she tilts her little head confusedly. Thinks, because he isn't quite sure if they do that. "It sucks, right? People being afraid of you all the time. I- I can't say I'm not scared but- But you haven't done anything wrong, little one."
She stays there and doesn't move much for a few seconds, until she ends up crawling up and resting on top of Sanji's shoe. The same way she does when she spends her time on Usopp's shoulder. Sanji isn't that afraid anymore. He's overwhelmed and exhausted and really, really anxious, but he trusts her. Somehow.
Sanji looks around the room, his heart clenching with blame. "I'm sorry- For your home. I'll build you a new one. Well. Not- Not me. I don't know how to. Usopp will. Shit, he'll hate me after this..." But before he can start dwelling on it, the spider moves a little on his leg. And It isn't as bad as he thought. If she's going to murder him in his sleep it's a bit deserved after all. But she won't. He hopes she won't. "You know, you're kind of cute." She tries to crawl up to his knee, but it makes him jump a little. "Don't- Not really ready for, like, upper body touching. Please?" And somehow, she listens and goes back to her position. "Damn, you can understand what I say, can you? Smart girl."
And she doesn't say anything, but Sanji takes it as a yes. Both because he likes talking to her and also because he doesn't want to feel so damn stupid.
A few hours later, Usopp goes back to his workshop and finds Sanji asleep on the floor, lucky he didn't touch any shards of glass, and the spider rests on his foot happily. Or at least it looks like that for Usopp.
He'll ask what happened later, for now, it's time to clean the mess without waking up his boyfriend. He's been brave enough for a day.
#i mean not really CANON but this is canon#i've talked about this before i know idc#i saw a spider today i thought about this#and also i have arachnophobia so sanji does too#'spiders can't be happy or empathetic to human-' i do not care she's my friend now#she loves her dads that's sanuso's child#please imagine a cute little cartoony spider#cutest thing ever. sanji makes her food for spiders with. idk. whatever spiders eat#honestly i know nothing about these little bastards i'm too afraid to look for info if i see a picture i'll start sobbing uncontrollably#sanji falls asleep talking to her bc being afraid and crying is exhausting#she can't sleep but she's there supporting protecting him yay#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
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what if we were cute little dogs and also in love? 😊💕 ( kuroba's a border collie btw! )
#honestly drawing this has made inumatsu grow on me a little more#they're fun to draw....#i do think kuro w/ normal dog proportions and dog orb kara are my favorite combo tho#really drives home that kuroba's just a normal dude amongst slap stick characters#okay i'm exhausted after work so i'm gonna go nap... 😭#osomatsu-san#osmt#yumematsu#inumatsu#karamatsu#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#au : inumatsu#mj draws
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Hey sorry I've been dead. Again
There's been a medical situation with my dad and I've been kinda fucked up because of it. And my final semester of college started this week. So I'm. Kinda struggling tbh
#gopher rambles#for the curious: his spleen has bleeding issues apparently and he'll have to have surgery on it. he had my brother drive him to the ER#last thursday night (because our car was stuck in the driveway on the fucking foot of snow ohio dumped on us)#and i stayed awake all that night because i was worried. been kinda playing nurse to him since then#i also might have to push my commissions more so i can help him pay for food and gas and bills and such#honestly I'm just pretty damn tired.every time my life seems to be going pretty simple and easy something NEW steps up to the plate to add#to my stress and exhaustion
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