#I'm having a good time now bigb is next

[luckyofthelawnvariety]

Yes I am having a terrible time of it. yes I am also so happy about the new life series. gem and joel are going to carry me through the next few weeks I can feel it

[theminecraftbee]

Cleo sits next to Scott, her head in her hands, and says—

—“I really thought it’d be different this time.” BigB sighs. He kicks his foot. Ren is, at least, a sympathetic ear. He understands these things, or at least he understands that it’s hard to be alone. “I mean, I know you don’t trust those guys…”

“I don’t,” agrees Ren.

“But they reached out, man. And I thought, well,”—

—“I could always bury the hatchet, you know?” Cleo says. “It’s been what, how many games? How many years? And I can recognize when I’m as much of the problem as someone else.”

“You had a reason to be a problem. I love that you’re a problem,” Scott says supportively. Pearl snorts in the corner.

“I’m good at being a problem!” Cleo says

“I know, you are,” Scott agrees.

“But it’s like—I don’t know. Maybe I was ready to be done being angry! Maybe I…”—

—“…just wanted a change.”

BigB is quiet. He lets the thought sit in the air. Ren, normally a man determined to fill silences, at least understands the value of a dramatic pause; he doesn’t say anything yet.

Martyn, however, has grown a bit more impatient over the sessions. "What kind of change? You two have been weird about each other for years."

BigB is quiet a moment more. "Did you know that—Ren, did you know that you were the first and last person to show me trust?"

"Uh, thank you, dude," Ren says.

"But like, the thing is, people, they stabbed us then, man. And it's just..."—

—"...he didn't have to! That's what gets me! He could have like... said anything to me? I don't ask much! I offered him my hand! I said, sure man. I'm gonna forgive you, just this once. We can try again. And he just—he tried to kill you! Why?"

"I mean, Scott is one of the people with the most lives," Impulse says reasonably. "And he didn't betray you."

"That's not how teams work, Impulse," Cleo says. "You can't just get rid of the teammate you don't like. The team is only as strong..."—

—"...as weak as it's component parts."

Ren and Martyn stare.

"Jesus, BigB," Martyn says.

BigB looks away. "Yeah, um, well. I don't think that's that stupid. It's not about you two, really. And this is a death game, right? I didn't attack her. It's just... I wasn't going to, really. I wasn't..."—

—"...he was going to, that's the thing. He's always going to do... this!"

"Maybe that's what you get for reaching out to a traitor," Scott says lightly.

Impulse looks away. Pearl snorts again. Cleo sighs.

"Look, I have a long memory, but if I let that decide everything I do forever it would eat me. And people have their reasons. Impulse, look Scott in the eyes, he's not even the reason you have that reputation. Pearl, you're a part of the team. That's the thing. People can change. People..."—

—"...can't change, really." BigB shrugs. "She should know better by now."

"Uh, dude, should we know better?" Ren asks.

"Nah. I mean, Martyn's worse than I am," BigB says cheerfully.

"Martyn," Ren says, sounding vaguely disappointed. Martyn crosses his arms.

"What? You're the one who said I had evil in me. If you take in a snake, you can't be mad if it bites you. If you take in a scorpion..."—

—"...you can hope it learns not to sting you. I don't know. Maybe it's just in his nature."

Pearl makes a strange noise. "And what's in my nature?"

Cleo sighs. She steps over and throws an arm around Pearl's shoulder.

"As long as you don't bite me? I'm willing to learn." Pearl leans into Cleo's arm slightly. Cleo can't help but wonder, some days, how much of the way she flinches back again is her fault. BigB isn't the only one that Cleo hopes can change his nature. Otherwise...

"I'm not actually a traitor, despite what everyone claims," Impulse says, apropos of nothing.

"You know, you should pick better friends," Scott says.

"Nah," Cleo says. She doesn't elaborate. She just—

—breathes. BigB just breathes.

"It was never going to work, anyway," he says.

"Sometimes I wonder if everyone broke while I wasn't looking," Ren says quietly, sadly. BigB has no answer for that.

[ivys-garden]

Life Series Session Recap and Alliance Analysis

Pearl opens her episode clarifying she and Impulse did nothing wrong. Finally I don't have to write “get over double life, tumblr” every week.

Yes, another Saturday means another instalment of the Life Series. This session was far more chill and slow paced than last weeks, ironic considering that this week's Wild Card was a perpetual speed increase! Going from a complete time freeze to full hyperspeed. Naturally, this led to about a 7.5 on the madness scale, so let's see what those teams were up to.

The Final Girls - (Scott, Cleo, Pearl, Impulse & Bigb (not anymore ;3 ))

On the topic of Pearl and Impulse, Cleo decides that they will fully enable all of they're future actions. Yes, she might sigh when they talk about all the evil stuff they're going to do, but she's fully on board.

Right about now Scott is probably regretting being team mum for three chaos gremlins as he's already had to instruct them not to give Gem any more reasons to kill them & had to break up the fight that was issued once they all went Matrix mode.

Speaking of Gem & Joel, a new development in the great drama sees Impulse explain himself and apologise to Gem. She doesn't buy it but it's the thought that counts. During this apology Pearl, the attack dog, is ordered by Gem and Impulse to slaughter grian. So while Cleo and Scott go off to make friends, Impulse and Pearl pop over to Rens for some very serious murder discussion, with an eventual “let's murder Grian” party forming consisting of Pearl, Impulse, Ren, Martyn, Bigb, Scar & Jimmy. If even a fraction of these people stick to this next session Grian is pretty firmly doomed.

In other news Scott manages to make allies with the Bamboozelers through several means, including staring at Jimmy's ass. Cleo & Impulse have a little caving adventure and Impy manages to make a working Creeper farm that they may or may not be sharing with Renwood. This leaves Pearl once again building the tower, which is good since she has arguably to much experience in that

While building the tower we get more Drama! Grian and Mumbo managed to get a quick kill on Scott early on the session by digging a big pit under the tower and spleefing him in. Mumbo and Skizz later come back to this trap only to be discovered by Pearl. The Suits try to get her to lure Scott over, but Pearl is far to loyal for that…. But not loyal enough to kick them out, reasoning that it would be really funny if it happened twice. On top of this she negotiated the ability to kill grian without them stepping in, very useful given her current plans & the second spleefing doesn't work anyways, so no harm no foul.

No one would actually agree to luring their team to their Death intentionally… right Bigb?

I'd say I'm surprised, but I'm not. He's worked again every team he's been in except Nosey Neighbours. I guess the “B” must stand for “Betrayal”

Bigb pulls the same thing Pearl did only not under the pretence of a joke, when Grian is around to actually make sure his team gets the kill, actually agreeing to lure Scott and doing it INFRONT OF CLEO. This being the second time this has helped to them, Cleo immediately goes off to find Scott to warn him about the traitor…Scott still falls into the trap anyway but that was a skill issue on his part. Bigb actually tries later to gaslight Scott into thinking that he didn't mean to betray the team, which almost worked until he started saying Cleo was the traitor, which obviously Scott would never buy. Oh he also did this in earshot of Cleo so she set her attack dog (Pearl) on him.

Bigb also later betrays the “Let's Kill Grian Gang” and warns Grian about the plan to murderficate him. I guess someone hasn't gotten over Double Life after all.

The Fast And The Furious - (Joel & Gem)

Actually, the fast and the paranoid might be more accurate as while Joel is just off having a grand old time prattling speed bridging, Gem is terrified that everyone is out to get her and doesn't seem to understand that putting your base on the main path means more people will come visit.

Aside from sending everyone they can to kill Grian and disregarding Impulses genuine apology, the team due doesn't really do much themselves

Gem was officially the last person to lose a life though, with no less than 4 people, including 2 greens, having to help kill her.

Also Joel added racing stripes to the car and… it actually made it a lot less hideous, well done Joel.

The Bamboozelers - (Jimmy, Scar & Lizzie)

Jimmy has regained the title as most confident member of this team…scarily confident in fact, just this session he was able to steal a potential kill from Skizz & kill his teammates, get another good kill on Joel using Lizzie as bait, managing to turn his relationship with Joel around to become allies and reaffirming his alliance with Renwood. Honesty 100 IQ plays from Tim all around.

He did die once this session, but that wasn't his fault and was also incredibly funny to watch Martyn bimbo his way through traps made for Bigb and accidentally kill Timmy. Great job everyone.

Speaking of failed traps… oh Scar… he started of strong, absolutely annihilating Etho in slow motion and living up to the villain he shares a name with by tossing him off a cliff, but after that every single attempt to trap someone fails miserably and he's forced into a cheap kill on Grian that results in him calling for vengeance… wouldn't be to worried about that tho considering Skizz and Mumbo's track record.

The Spanners - (Mumbo, Skizz & Grian)

How are these idiots not dead yet.

They get one (1) successful kill this session, spleefin’ Scott. A trap Mumbo tries his luck with several times after this despite knowing the Final Girls already knew about it.

Skizz gets no kills despite Grians efforts. An attempt to build a super TNT minecart launcher is made… on Scars mountain… and Grian spends several.minutes explaining to his worst enemies how the trap works… and then he and Mumbo stand directly under where they know the TNT will land. Yeah obviously Jimmy sneaks in and pulls the lever to kill them.

A second attempt to launch TNT is made, but this launcher is pathetic and ends up being turned into a party game. oh, and then Grian gets hotguyed by Scar. Grian immediately screams vengeance and blows up the reputation board, ranting about how little it meant since he was in good favour… which only proved he never read the damn thing but it's the thought that counts.

In their last hoorah for this session the team goes on a proper hunt The Bamboozelers as they hide in Joel's car. Mumbo sneaks up to pure lava on them… and burns himself to death. He then tries to hypersonic pvp Gem and you can guess how that went. He then joins in trapping Gwm in a big hole and burning her, only for the kill to go to Ren anyway.

These guys are Doomed. Especially because Final Girls & The Family are allied with Scar & The fact that Renwood actively wants to murder them.

Predictions: Grian goes Yellow next session, Mumbo goes out-out and Skizz is somehow still Red.

Renwood - (Ren & Martyn)

We actually covered everything these guys did already, The Grian Murder Crew, Martyn being a trap bimbo, Ren allying with Impulse to make up for beheading him, really the only thing we haven't discussed is Martyns strange choice to make the first 5 minutes of his episode unlistenable

The Tuff Guys - (Etho, Tango & Bdubs

Etho finally admits they're the comic relief. Like any good comic relief, these three stooges spend the entire session failing at everything. Tango fails on the same trap 3 times. Bdubs almost kills himself in said trap. There's more fights and bickerings than you could count on 15 hands and a toe

Oh also Tango also perma-died to Pearl after going invis and being pumped full of arrows.

Honestly it's not a question of if someone dies next session, it's a question of who.

[watarfallar]

Life Series Incorrect Quotes

Martyn: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Ren: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Impulse: Are you sure Skizz's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

Skizz: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you? Impulse: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now. Impulse: Would you like me to tutor you? Tango: That was smooth.

Gem, in Impulse’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night? Impulse, knocking Gem off: WHAT THE HELL?! Gem: Ow— Impulse: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor! Gem: I had a nightmare. Impulse: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old? Gem: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there- Impulse, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL! Gem: That is not what I meant— Impulse: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground! Gem: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too. Impulse: Yeah, okay- Gem: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night? Impulse: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while. Gem, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed! Impulse: I did not consent to this- Gem, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden! Impulse, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and she’s six-foot-one, he’s got red hair. Gem: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it. Impulse: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me. Gem: Oh, maybe together we could— Impulse: NO. Gem: Just to save water— Impulse: No! You don’t even pay for the water! Gem: …Good point.

Bdubs: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along? Ren: What did you just say- Bdubs: Foetons! *Laughs* Ren: Wh-what?

Grian, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Scar, the love of my life, for telling me Mumbo was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

Cleo: Bdubs, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Bdubs, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.

BigB: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you. Scott: Being a fish. BigB: Well, shit.

Grian: I am an expert at identifying birds. Bdubs: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? Grian: Yeah, they're all birds.

Ren: I’m gonna die alone. Pearl: Ren, you’re not gonna die alone. Ren: Bdubs, was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake. Scar: Uh-huh. Why is that? Ren: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face. Ren: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man. Ren: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

Cleo, holding out a cookie for Lizzie: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Lizzie: *Ugly crying* Cleo, holding out another cookie for Pearl: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Pearl, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

Grian: Did you wash the dishes? Mumbo: I thought you wanted to do that... Grian: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Bdubs: Ren, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor. Ren: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

BigB: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

Impulse: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking. Tango, patting them on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Joel: What's with the new hat? Scott: Oh, this? It's nothing. Scar: It's the loudest nothing I ever saw. Cleo: Scott, you just can't mosey in here with a brand-new hat and act like you're not wearing a brand-new hat. Scott: Look, I'm trying something new, okay? Just take it easy. Etho: He's right, guys. Come on, let's not go down this path. It's ugly... Kinda like that hat– Scott: I got this from a nice store! Joel: What store? The one before you exit the Al Capone Museum? BigB, entering the room: What's up, Scott? Did you just finish Bling Ring-ing Bruno Mars' closet? Scott: I'm being brave, okay? You guys are sheep. You may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror. BigB: Better us than you. You look like a park ranger from a cartoon. Scott: Joel, do you think the hat looks bad? Joel: Oh, uh, me? Um, I... I wouldn't say it was bad. Like, I think it's just different, like something you would wear in Indiana... Jones and the Temple of Bad Hats.

BigB: Well Grian, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Grian: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

[jellieland]

This is somewhat inspired by some of the fics @theminecraftbee has written.

---

Two figures watch, from a nebulous nowhere, as Scar stands, alone, in the remains of his destroyed shop.

"I'm sorry," he says, mournfully, to no one.

"You Know," says the first figure, "I Really Wasn't Convinced When You Pitched This One."

Scar does not react. He cannot hear them.

"Yes," says the second, with an air of long-suffering patience. "I Do Know. You Were Very Vocal About It."

"...I really wanted to try and make some friends, this time." Scar, simultaneously right in front of them and a great distance away, sighs and looks up at the sky. "Oh, well. Nothing to be done about it now!"

"I Have Come Around To It," says the first.

"Good," says the second. "I Knew You Would."

They watch Scar start to sort through the mess.

"They Forget They Have A Choice," says the first. "It Is Fascinating."

They move on.

The move on to ash.

Skizz and Tango and Bigb stand right in the thick of it, quiet.

"You try to do one nice thing," says Skizz.

His hands curl into fists. He glares at the smoldering remains of the heart in front of him.

"You try to do ONE nice thing!" he yells, and punches one of the last remaining bits of wood.

Brittle from the fire, it breaks.

"Yeah, well! I guess this is why we don't," says Tango, resigned.

"It was always gonna happen eventually," says Bigb, voice level.

"They Always Try," says the first. "They Always Keep Trying."

"Yes," says the second. "They Chase Each Other In Circles Until All Of Them Are Dead. They Give Themselves Their Own Tasks."

"That Is Not What I Meant," says the first. "But That Is Also True."

They watch the three members of the Heart Foundation stand, for a while, in silence.

And they move on.

They move over to the mesa.

Martyn is standing inside his house, that used to be Jimmy's house too, facing the three chests on the wall labelled "TIMMY", "MUMBO" and "MARTYN".

He is talking animatedly, and gesturing. "-and I kept trying to get them to follow me there, but nobody was taking the bait. Honestly, you guys would've laughed at me. But it-"

They let the rambling fade into the background.

"A Good Dog," says the first.

"Yes," says the second. "He Does As He Is Told."

"-and I've honestly been feeling a bit left out today, isn't that funny? But- Bdubs said, he said he would join me next week, so-"

They move on.

They move to the cobblestone castle, in the side of the hill.

Grian is cooing over a small magma cube named Etho's Dishwasher.

Cleo and Etho are leaning against the staircase watching him.

"Are you both alright?" asks Cleo.

"Sure, I'm fine," says Etho.

"Me?" says Grian, turning around. "Oh, I'm good, I was being a total coward. I just hung around at the top of that tower by the Secret Keeper for ages and none of them ever thought to look up."

"Really?" asks Cleo, amused. "Some of them I would expect that of, but I'd think Gem would be a bit more on the ball."

"Well, apparently not," says Grian.

He turns back to the magma cube, and they settle into quiet.

"I Would Have Expected More Of The Alliances To Have Fallen Apart, By Now," says the first.

"Loyalty Is At Its Most Interesting When It Is Stretched," says the second. "These Three Know It Will Never Last. They Know That All Of Them Are Aware Of This. That Is Why They Are Still Here. They Know How Much They Can Care Without It Being A Lie. And Then Privately, They Care More Than That Anyway."

Eventually, Etho sighs. He looks tired.

He glances from Cleo, to Grian, and back, and after a moment of hesitation, speaks. "I, uh. I'm glad you two survived." He shifts awkwardly, and continues before they can respond. "I thought they were going to try and make me kill you, at one point, and- Grian, I don't know if you know this, but Cleo is scary when she's getting revenge. I did not want to have to worry about that."

Cleo laughs, slightly, and gives Etho a look of the deepest affection. "Well, I did die, is the thing, so thanks for reminding me of that."

"No, no, you knew what I meant! See, Grian? See what it's like?"

"Uh huh," says Grian, raising an eyebrow. "Well, thanks for not killing us."

Cleo frowns at him, suddenly curious. "Grian?" they ask. "Are you the only one who didn't die today?"

Grian opens his mouth, then stops to consider it.

"Or- no, wait. Martyn." says Cleo. "Well. Well done either way."

They watch the trio for a little longer, and then they move on.

They move to Scott.

He is alone, in a forest somewhere.

He is leant up against a cliff face, staring down at the floor.

"None Of Them Even Died, This Time," says the first. "Not Permanently."

"No," says the second. "It Was Controlled. Directed. There To Even The Playing Field. We Can Just Ask Them To Do That, Now, And They Will."

Scott draws his knees up to his chest, and rests his head on his arms.

He doesn't move, or shout, or cry.

He just stays there, quiet.

Eventually, they move on.

They move to the Secret Keeper.

Gem is standing there.

She is looking at it.

"If She Had Decided To Fail At The Start," says the first, "She Most Likely Would Have Lived. She Lost So Much More, Taking Things From Other People, Than The Nothing She Would Have Lost In Failure."

"Yes," says the second. "That Is My Favourite Part."

They watch her.

"Anyway," says the second, "She Would Not Do That."

"She Wouldn't?" asks the first.

"No," says the second. "She Understands Why It Is My Favourite Part."

Gem smiles.

"Thank you!" she says to the Secret Keeper. "That was a lot of fun!"

"You Are Welcome," says the second.

Blood on her hands, Gem turns and leaves, grin as bright as the sun.

They watch her go.

[blueishspace]

The Watchers court case 2 p4

BigB: Is everyone back?

Martyn: Yeah.

BigB: Oh! Good.

Pearl: Tubbo? You can call the next witness mate.

Tubbo: Alright m'am.

XD: Who are you going to call now, another one of your friends.

Tubbo: Not really, I call Kristin to the witness stand!

XD: Wait, what?

Kristin: Oh hello there Toby.

Tubbo: Hi miss Death!

Kristin: How's your mother doing? It's bern a while since I've talked to Ianite.

Tubbo: Oh! She's doing great! Her and the Captain are-

XD: H-hello death.

Kristin: XD.

XD: You look...beutiful today? Did your hair...lose weight?

Kristin: ... So, Toby, why did you call for me?

Tubbo: I'm proe- per... I'm the prosecution against XD!

Kristin: Oh, I see. You called me because of the Limbo situation?

Tubbo: Y-yeah!

Kristin: Sure, I'll tell you what I can. Judges, may I have some tea?

Pearl: Of course lady Death.

Kristin: Thank you dear. *She takes out a bottle of alchol and pours it in the tea* ... ...What, do you know how tiring the afterlife is to run?

Tubbo: So, you run all the afterlives?

Kristin: Most of them yes, multiple universes.

Tubbo: And what about ours.

Kristin: Yes and no. Theoretically yes. *Sip* However XD had a plan to create a Limbo and I let him make one, unfortunately I'm not able to see into it.

Tubbo: And what were the conditions?

Kristin: That after a few years the souls ne sent back to me to go to the true afterlife for one. And that it did not punish or reward souls as the judgement comes to me.

Tubbo: ... So would a torture domain that warp times so people are stuck for decades would be infringing on the contract between you two?

Kristin: ... It surely would. Do you know of something like that XD?

XD: What? Me? No! No no no-

Tubbo: I call to the stand Ghostbur, Ranboo, Glatt and Tommy!

Kristin: Oh? More people? Why?

Tommy: Kristin?

Ghostbur: Hi mom!

Kristin: Hello dears.

Glatt: Wow, you summoned me here? I'm shocked.

Tubbo: It's not for long. I just want you to explain your Limbos to Kristin.

Ghostbur: Oh ... It's dark...and cold and humid. It's a train station but it's so cold... and theres a bad smell...

Tommy: It was nothing. Just. Blackness everywhere. Nothing to touch. Or hear. Or i don't fucking know, taste? I hate whoever created it.

Tubbo: It's that guy. *Points to XD*

Tommy: ...You fucking prick, why?!??

Glatt: Mine was a gymn. The guy that died for being unhealthy is sent to a gym ah ah ah, hilarious.

Ranboo: ... Water... I was in a small island surrounded by water could only stay still to avoid getting wet, couldn't sit...or lie down... I'm part enderman so I get hurt by water.

Kristin: ...

XD: It's not what it looks like?

Kristin: You'll need to pray to the judges to send you somewhere where I can't find you.

*XD gulps*

Kristin: Tubbo?

Tubbo: Yeah, miss Death?

Kristin: Call me Kristin please, and thank you for letting me know of this.

Tubbo: Of course Kristin!

Kristin: I'll give you a gift. Ranboo?

Ranboo: Y-yeah?

Kristin: Once you are sent back you'll find yourself back in the overworld.

Tubbo: Wait really??

Ranboo: U-uh! Thank you Miss Lady Death m'am!

Kristin: Now, I'll take my leave.

Grian: Yes, of course.

*The witnesses disappear*

Martyn: So... do the jurors have their decision?

*in the jury*

Sapphire: ... Guilty.

Mianite: Clearly guilty.

Monika: It's been definitely guilty since the halfway point.

Madoka: I hate to point fingers but yeah... Guilty.

Aphmau: Super Guilty.

Martyn: That was almost as fast as last time...wow. Then, judges?

Grian: Normally replacing gods is nearly impossible, XD's domain includes however only the dream smp server. I sentence XD to being stripped of his divinity and for it to be divided between Callhan and Foolish.

BigB: I sentence him with 100 years in my domain to make up for the limbo situation as well as an additional 300... Make it 350 years of community service afterwards.

Jimmy: Your domain being? For the record and all.

BigB: The backrooms, you must have heard of them.

Pearl: I sentence him to mandatory therapy to last until further notice.

XD: Oh that's not too bad-

Pearl: And to be stack for 1 hour in a room with lady Kristin.

XD: Wait no no no no! Please no!

*XD is dragged away*

Prev Next First

[sulatni-flerida11]

wild life session 3 (cleo, tango, and scar's povs)

SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM DEARLY they're all designed after the CCs :') i know they're deadly as HECK but genuinely that was stressful and entertaining and wow i am still in shock

JIMMY WHY WOULD YOU TAUNT DEATH BY CREEPER JIMMY WHY WHY WHY -

(about jimmy's death) "what moron would die to a creeper?" tango,,, oh tango,,, *double life and prev. wild life session flashbacks*

alright who gave tango some gifts of prophecy -

scar & lizzie thinking they're safe underground followed by lizzie's snail just BREAKING INTO THE SPAWNER ???? please you can hear it in their voices they're panicking 😭😭

4Gs (was it impulse that said it first) saying they're like snowbirds as they try to base closer to the rest of the server,,, more avian headcanons -

bdubs and scar's snails :') they DO look similar but bdubs has the wide grin and scar has the smirk that's so good - (more clockers brainrot but what if they were twins (cleo & etho i think say scar's the older one on stream so i'll roll with that))

impulse and pearl's deaths 😭😭 please a part of me wishes they get back to dark green next session but another part REALLY wants them to go red because,,, y'know,,, they do the stabbing and scott & cleo do the sweet talking,,,

etho and cleo showing each other their snails was a nice moment :') (sorry i'm a cletho girlie love me some divorced besties)

5Gs just doing a snail race from the forest up to the bamboozlers mountain :') they're like "yeah they can kill us but we can have fun with it :>"

etho walking up to impulse going all "i'm a tough guy !! >:] you don't want to try me !! >:]" and then cleo cuts in to his face with a diamond sword then goes "don't mess with my team mate" to ETHO SQUEALING ???? THEN GOING "i'm a tough guy i swear !!" HAHSJSJSHA man he's actually afraid of cleo 😭😭 your honor you were literally teamed with her in secret life calm down i thought it was a bit he does but really didn't mean it but no - (i like to think he got flashbacks to when cleo accidentally stabbed him with a sword in one of their secret life intros but this time they're not allied anymore so etho's genuinely like "oh they CAN stab me")

CLEO SCOTT AND IMPULSE WITNESSING ETHO BLOWN UP BY A CREEPER AFTER THE PREV 😭😭 LMAOOOO

TANGO BURNING BAMBOOZLERS BASE THEN JIMMY'S "TANGO NO I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" as he tried to stop him,,, farewell ranchers love loses

SKIZZ KILLING SCAR BECAUSE JIMMY KILLED SKIZZ NOOOOO

SCAR WANTING TO END IT ALL WITH SCOTT AND LIZZIE PUSHING HIM AWAY FROM HIS SNAIL PLEASE this is the first wild life ep. i've seen from scar and he already sounds so done and wanting to kill skizz

TANGO WHY DID YOU JUST JUMP OFF THE TREEBARK BASE TO 1 HEART TANGO WHY WHY WHY - (i know i just said ranchers love loses but god these two are the CEOs of self-sabotage hey yall meet mr. "don't wanna die first from canary curse" and mr. "dies accidentally and unceremoniously ft. a bit of tnt")

"where's my snail -" *dies* *replays moment twice in video* tango i am cackling

"he's adorable and i hate his face" tango just summed up how all the lifers feel about their snails

joel's snail jumpscaring joel 😭😭

i know martyn told scar that he was thinking of brewing potions and etho told cleo, scott, and impulse about the trip to the nether but i didn't think they'd actually,,, brew potions and throw invis at a snail (see: eSCARgot)

scar helping jimmy with kills throughout the session,,,, turns out SCAR needs the kills more because he's frickin red now -

grian frantically typing in chat "END OF SESSION" the moment he realizes scar just went to red because his snail is invisible while skizz & tango are also red,,, (ngl i thought jimmy would be one of the red names but y'know this is way worst)

love cleo posing with their snail at the end of the session <3

fave snail designs: cleo, bigb, lizzie, scar, bdubs

[raindropren]

!!!!!! Secret Life Episode 9 Spoilers !!!!!!

THIS SEASON IS SO FUCKING GOOD HELL YA

I LOVE THIS

I LOVE SECRET LIFE

IT'S SO GOOD

I'M

SIIJOHFSIHFJSNF

LETS GO, SCAR!! WOO HOO

I GENUINELY LOVE THIS SO MUCH AAA

ALSO WHY IS PEARL SO CRACKED AT THIS GAME!?!?!

So she was i think 3rd in last life, Won in double life, I think 4th or 5th in limited life, and now, 2nd in Secret life!!

What the F u c k

I love it so much

It really helps all my headcanons tbh, it makes me so happy.

Also why does pearl always survive longer then her allies/teammates(Unless they win)

and by always i mean like, 2 times? 2 and a half? if u count tilly maybe? i do... 2.5 :]

I really do wish joel or bdubs won, mostly joel because it would've been so good but I deffo think scar deserved this win.

I think it wouldve been kind of funny if in the 1v1 battle between scar and pearl.. pearl won... and it's just, awkward cause she... didn't want that. at all.

She wanted scar to win after bdubs and joel died, she wanted to sacrifice her life to scar in the end because she wanted her allies to win.

I also think shiny duo is a tragedy in the end. I really hope someone makes a fanfic about them in secret life cause they just, they, they just, <3 <3 <3

I love them alot

I'm making a theory that Gem might, win the next life seires.

Shiny duo winning their second season, please please please /hj /lh

I've already really loved the pearl fanfics from this season cause omg but I just, i just <3 <3 can't wait to see more!! aaa :D

if i get the motivation i fucking will make a fic about gem and pearl coming back into hermitcraft. They have very similar vibes in the life series(they're fucking crazy, don't mess with them, but also you'd rather be on their side then not(I haven't watched gems life series so if i'm wrong on this one, oopsie) cause they are more loyal then most) and I think it'd be fun to see them coming back and talking to eachother about the season ngl.

Murder camel my beloved, shiny duo my beloved

I also think(if I get the motivation) i'd want to make a fic with Pearl and Bdubs, in hermitcraft, afterwards.

ooo so many ideas, so many ideas so little time and motivation.

i wanna know what would happen if pearl accidentally won, despite not wanting too, if she hit scar just alittle to hard and now she was alone, as the sole 2 time winner. I think AU!pearl would have a mental fucking breakdown but i also think it'd be a fun concept aaaa

I want a fic about Pearl just after Bdubs and Joel died, just crying. like tears down her cheeks when she meets back up with scar and aaaa <3

All these would be my au obviously cause i'm way to obsessed with it but my au is set in canon, mostly. or at least alittle, i'm trying LOL

I'm proud of scar :]

like, i'm proud of all the winners but, i really do feel like scar deserved this win

I might watch his pov at some point, i can't wait for people to tear the angst from scars episodes, they already have alittle but with him winning, I can't fucking wait, omg <3

I'm just so excited now

aaaa

i'm nhjgofubkhgfubkjhdfjl eee

I really hope gem and pearl team next season instead of just being temporary allies because they are so fun omg

I really hope there's another season cause god they are so good /nf

I can't get enough of life series pearl in my au

which is why i keep mentioning her, i've basically only watched her pov cause I have a hard time watching others. I wanna watch gem, lizzies(it's ies right? i'm bad with spelling names aa), and now scars. stars above, i love this series

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

secret is probably my new favorite season, idk why, maybe it's because of shiny duo alittle, but y'know :]

There's so much i wish i wanna talk about

like how Pearl said "Always Watching" to BigB

Or just any moment with Pearl and Scott, I miss their last life dynamic alot /pos /notneg

Cleo and Pearls pupper alliance breaking and Pearl saying she really wanted to be allies with Cleo, like I need fics of that so much guys omg (Big MoonRot fan!! ee)

Anytime Gem, Impulse, and Pearl were in a trio together, like omg, It's Soup Group!!! Guys!!! it's them!!! omg!!!!!!!! guys!!

Pearl walking the Warden around like a pro, i love that so much LOL

there's deffo more, but i've typed way to much LOL i just love this so much, it's insane.

[cherrifire]

Archived in the Southlands: Martyn's Mix

Case #0211905-C

Original recording from Martyn Littlewood's personal supplemental tape.

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

Word count: 2244

Be sure to read Case #0211905-A and Case #0211905-B before this one.

[AU Masterpost]

[Click]

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

But to start, this tape is NOT meant for research or theories. I get enough conspiracy theory rubbish at the Institute. Something destroyed the place I was living at with BigB and Grian. And if I have to think about that case one more time, I'll crawl into a grave and let the Buried claim me.

I genuinely just needed a personal tape of my own to ramble on to. Lots goes on in this massive brain of mine. I just need something to talk to and get those thoughts out. This could technically be used as a memory log? Something for me to just look back on later down the line. I actually used to keep a log like that before the Archives and I kind of miss it.

I'm going to leave this tape in my flat so I don't get it confused with the hundreds of other tape recorders floating around the Archives. Maybe I'll be able to catch some fun stuff of my new flatmate too.

Speaking of Ren, I'm going to try and convince him to grow more than just roses. He seems to know a lot about caring for flowers, so I wonder if I could throw him off his game with something completely different. Oh, maybe something we can eat would be cool! I'll mention it next time I see him.

Though, I'm not sure when that'll be. I've noticed he tends to go out a lot, but that doesn't surprise me. He probably gets invited to all sorts of parties and events. Probably for the best.

(a pause)

Oh, good grief! For the record, I am NOT turning this into a gross emotional audio diary either!

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Someone knocked on the door today looking for Ren. I'd never seen him before but he said his name was Doc. The name reminded me of someone I used to know, but again, I'd never seen him before.

It's not unusual, people come by looking for Ren all the time. It's actually really sweet how many folks just stop by to check on him.

So sweet, it makes me sick. He's usually never here, but I always like to take messages and relay them back to him when I see him. It's hard to forget things nowadays, so it's not an issue. Though, I guess it doesn't really matter, since I like to change the message anyway, just because I can.

When Ren gets home, I'm going to tell him that Doc wants to make a diss track with him about Grian.

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I wouldn't do it.

(Jimmy's voice is coming through a phone speaker)

[Jimmy] Martyn, I promise you, I'm quitting if you do it.

[Martyn] (laughing) Right, but I wouldn't do it.

(Movement is heard as Martyn starts to look for something.)

[Jimmy] (frustrated) No- but you're saying it like you are going to do it!

[Martyn] But I wouldn't though!

(something falls, making a 'thud' sound as it hits the floor)

[Jimmy] I can hear you rummaging through your things!

[Martyn] (wheezing) But I-

[Jimmy] If I walk into the archives tomorrow and you scare me with a stupid party popper again I promise you I will leave.

[Martyn] (wheezing) I just wouldn't though.

(another object falls)

[Jimmy] Martyn.

[Martyn] I wouldn't.

(something else falls. Martyn is probably doing it on purpose)

[Jimmy] STOP!

(Martyn laughs)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I think my favourite thing about Tim is that I could tell him anything and he'll think I'm messing with him. I told him today that I was looking into a case about a cult dedicated to darkness. His immediate response was:

(mocking) "That's not funny, Martyn, stop it!"

(Martyn laughs)

(a pause)

I’ve known him since we were kids, but Jimmy doesn’t know me enough to tell when I’m joking, I guess.

(static)

Ah, wait-

(a pause then a light knock on the door)

Come in!

(door opens)

[Ren] Hey dude, is there a reason your rent paperwork has a completely random name on it?

[Martyn] Oh, Martyn Littlewood isn't my legal name. It just sounds cooler.

[Ren] That checks out. I looked at the name on this thing and was like "who is this loser?" 

[Martyn] (laughing) I'm a different person now. My loser days are behind me.

[Ren] Well, thanks for letting me know, Phillip Watson.

[Martyn] Don't you dare!

(Ren laughs as he closes the door.)

[Martyn] If he starts calling me Phil, I swear to God-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] That play Ren's been rehearsing, The Rise of the Red King–it's starting to grow on me. I remember helping him practice a little the day I moved in, but I'm forcing him to let me help more since I caught him rehearsing it on his own again.

He was in his room just repeating the lines quietly on his own. I imagine he was only holding back so as to not disturb me, but the unfortunate curse for the beautiful Archivist is I hear everything.

Which means I heard the awkward silence between each line he read out. So I took it upon myself to start responding, to fill that gap.

He said something like, "and as you know, every king must have a hand."

And I, charming as ever, poked my head in and said, "two is preferable, so you can hold things."

Then he continued, "I can think of no greater person than you." 

And the accent he chose for this character was like a mix between Scottish and Irish with like a bit of pirate. It was so bizarre. I'm doing the best I can to imitate it but I just can't do it like Ren. And I-

(door opens)

[Ren] Good afternoon, Martyn.

[Martyn] Good day, my liege.

[Ren] Martyn, will you do the honour of being the Hand of the King on this fine day?

[Martyn] Oh my word. Do I get a little pin badge?

[Ren] Definitely, dude.

When a kingdom is formed, loyalty must be proven. Later there will be a test for you. And if ye pass, it'll be ye and me to the end!

(Ren clears his throat and returns to speaking normally)

It's shopping, your test is grocery shopping. I'm heading out, did you want to come?

[Martyn] Only if you do that voice in public.

[Ren] You're insane, dude.

The King likes it. And you shall follow in his footsteps! Today, both our mettles will be tested.

[Martyn] Oh geez. I don't think my metal is very dense, so I'm gonna struggle.

[Ren] Alright, chat over. Let's get out of here, dude. But um- are you recording this?

[Martyn] Ah-! 3 years and I still always forget to turn these-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Good evening, my liege.

[Ren] Hand of the King. To what do I owe the pleasure?

[Martyn] The carrots, m'lord! It will be a bountiful harvest!

[Ren] Oh, dude! No way! Show me right this instant.

[Martyn] I took your teachings and successfully grew a small handful of carrots. Come see!

(a pair of footsteps then a sliding door being pushed out of the way)

(Sound of dirt shifting as a carrot is pulled from the soil)

Ta-da!

[Ren] (excited, high-pitched) Oh! Dude! Look at that!

[Martyn] That's right boss, fresh produce right here in our garden. They're a little small, but size isn't everything.

[Ren] Let's get these out of the ground and wash them. We could make a carrot cake with these!

[Martyn] This is why you're the boss. I would have never thought of that.

[Ren] (laughing) But what's a King without his loyal Hand?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(the recording starts while Martyn and Ren are in the middle of laughing)

(there's the sound of cake batter being aggressively stirred underlining the recording)

[Ren] Martyn, you're wasting batter!

[Martyn] You said to mix well!

[Ren] Dude! Not that well! You're getting cake giblets all over the kitchen! Stop it!

(Martyn and Ren laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (mocking) Statement of Ren Diggity Dog

I have no idea what you actually do at the archives, but I bet that's what you sound like.

[Martyn] Dude! What are you-

[Ren] Yes, I'd like to talk about my strange roommate-

[Martyn] Ren, don't even joke like that! Now give it here-

[Ren] You always use this to record me anyway. Why? Is it your personal audio diary?

[Martyn] No! That's not what that is!

[Ren] Then what is it?

[Martyn] How about you just hand it back and-

[Ren] (laughing) You're deflecting, dude! Oh, this is definitely a diary.

[Martyn] (laughing) Ren, give that-

[Click]

-

[Click]

(all sound is muffled as if through a wall)

[Scar] Knock knock!

[Ren] Scar-

[Scar] Ren! It's been a while!

Oh man, I missed this place. It's been, what? Four months since I last saw you?

(a pause, then Scar laughs)

As talkative as always.

How's your new roommate? I haven't seen the Archivist in ages! Is he good?

(a door opens and Scar's voice is no longer muffled) 

Oh wow. There's a lot of interesting stuff in here.

(Scar hums something as he thinks)

(he starts to rummage through Martyn's things)

Ah! There it is.

Ren, you won't miss these, right?

[Ren] No- No, you can have them.

[Scar] Wonderful. Pleasure doing business with you, Ren.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(extended silence)

[Martyn] I thought I could trust him...

(a pause)

(Martyn makes a frustrated sound and tosses the tape onto his bed)

(fading as he walks out) Ren, did you touch the thermostat again!?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(door opening)

(silence)

[Ren] Sorry, Martyn.

(Ren sniffs the air then he enters the room)

(extended sound of papers being rummaged through)

[Ren] There you are- erm, whatever you are.

Statement of Pearl Moon. Okay. I can work with that.

(a pause then footsteps approach)

[Ren] When did this turn on?

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] (whispering and panicked) Ren has been standing on the other side of my door for an hour now. Waiting...

I don't know what he wants. I know he's been taking Hunt statements, but I have no idea why. I can't even tell how far gone he is or why he's hunting m-

(a knock on the door)

(Martyn holds his breath)

(extended silence)

(distant footsteps as Ren walks away)

Yeah, fuck that. I'm not sleeping tonight.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(distant sounds of screaming, everything muffled as if through a wall)

(there's a collection of a dozen heavy footsteps all quickly getting further away along with the screaming)

(Ren and Martyn are also muffled through the wall)

(Ren is laughing, hysterical and manic)

[Martyn] Ren, get a hold of yourself!

(Ren continues to laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Hang on, I'm just going to grab a few random statements then we can go!

[Ren] (distant) Take your time!

(sound of a small handful of papers being picked up)

[Martyn] It's going to be fine...

(Martyn takes in a deep breath)

(he releases his breath, quivering like he's cold)

(a pause)

Fuck...

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (whispering) Martyn passed out the moment his head hit the couch. The statements he read helped heal his wounds a little. They're still... bad, but at least he's sleeping through it.

Me, though? I think I'm going to be awake for a while.

So I'm trying what Martyn does. Talk complete nonsense into a tape just to turn thoughts into words. I had to grab his audio diary from his room since the one we had ran out of tape. I'm sure he won't mind this one time. Plus, I know he listens back through this one all the time and I...

I kind of want him to hear this.

I guess first, Martyn looks terrible. I'm staring at his filthy face right now from across the room. He's covered in dirt and his sweater is completely ruined. Although, I guess that's my fault. But he's been wearing that same sweater for months now. Good riddance, I say.

I'll find him a proper style when he's ready to go out again.

(Ren chuckles to himself then pauses)

Only if he wants to, of course.

(another pause)

I think... I think he's stuck with me now. After my... change, he said the hunt was over but... I know he only put it on hold. I can feel my blood waiting, itching for him to run so I can chase him down again. He said he wasn't going anywhere but...

[Martyn] (groggy and distant) Ren?

[Ren] Oh- Martyn. I'm sorry, did I wake you, my friend?

(movement as Ren gets up and walks towards Martyn)

[Martyn] No. I've been up this whole time. Listening.

[Ren] I didn't mean to keep you up, dude. My bad.

[Martyn] Can I have the tape?

(the recorder is passed to Martyn)

Ren, did you know the cold is typically an attribute of the Lonely?

[Ren] So what's your theory on the snow back at Dogwarts, then..?

[Martyn] My current theory is that you're too much of a social guy to be attracting the Lonely.

(a pause)

[Ren] Oh, Martyn...

[Martyn] I meant it, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you.

[Ren] It's you and me to the end.

[Martyn] Yeah. To the End.

[Click]

[fountainpenguin]

"And there's a magic act that saws Regina in half, and this time it will take! Now, that's a party!" (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 18 - “Snap (Truce Night)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Truce Night signals the whole Dog's Life server to settle down for sleep, unless you're Joel and Ren with a plan to lure in phantoms on a stormy night... or maybe Impulse, who's been on the hunt for Bdubs since Session 2 began. Don't worry about him! He's not on red, so he can't kill the guy.

After all, that would be against the rules...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

Etho-Scar Alliance

Unaffiliated

GoodTimesWithScar - Pillager

🖤  💜  🖤

It really is a big cave. Cleo, Tango, Pearl, and Jimmy probably don't even know anyone's lurking around down here in the second tunnel layer. Or is it third or fourth? They're pretty deep underground. Scar drags his fingertips along the damp wall, tracing stringy moss against his nails. It flutters. He can feel this world breathing like a coiled dragon underneath the surface.

Amethyst nearby. I can feel it pulsing…

And there, around the next corner, is the friend he came to find! Scar keeps his trudging footsteps heavy, and not only because he's limping now (his glitch clinging on the back of his leg; difficult to bend). His crossbow doesn't make a fantastic cane. Mumbo went and tucked his bed in the back of the little cave. He sits at the foot of it, the sheets still neatly made up. Yeah, Scar's been there. When there's red life juices thrumming in your code, it's hard to settle down.

Mumbo's hunched over there at the end, rubbing his thumb against his diamond sword. He's in his pajama skin - loose white T-shirt with all-too-familiar red text scrawled across the chest - and breathes slowly, warmly, in a way that flutters his mustache.

Oh, he's very red, you see… but Scar is not afraid of him. Mumbo is his friend.

The torchlight flickers against the pale, sharp edges of Mumbo's face. The blade is sharp enough, he's already nicked himself a couple times on both hands. White marks expose the first layer of goopy spawn egg code stuff between skin and soul. As Scar steps in on swaying feet, Mumbo lifts his eyes. The torch crackles halfway between them.

"I feel nothing," is the first thing Mumbo says. That's his greeting - all of that - and Scar tilts up his mouth in patient sympathy. Mumbo keeps picking his thumb against the blade, even though he's no longer looking at it. Hot eyes fixate on Scar's… Hot and cool! Very cool. He likes to think himself cool in the head, anyway. Mumbo murmurs, "See, that's why I don't think this game's for me. I feel nothing."

"Oh, you love me. I'm always there for my friends. Everybody loves me. In fact, that's why I'm here."

Mumbo lurches to his feet. He swings his arm, bringing the blade straight so it points at Scar's throat from several blocks away. "I could kill you," he says. His voice doesn't slip, doesn't tremble, but lands without emotion. "I could carve you like a pumpkin. You too are a lump of pixels with nothing inside, falsely smiling. I'd feel nothing, I suspect."

"No, no," says Scar, striding forward. He's not afraid of Mumbo, silly! Not Mumbo in his bare feet and pajamas, his eyes wide and wild. Mumbo's a good guy; Mumbo is his friend. He steps closer. Mumbo's shoulders tremble. He tilts back his head, staring through Scar like they're separated by a curtain of fire and nothing more.

Gently (firmly), Scar knocks Mumbo's blade aside with his knuckles. "You just need a good murder in your system, Mumbo! Red life is where all the good times are! I might even be jealous- you get to have all the fun! Why, I've got to uphold deals and alliances, and I'm carrying Etho's weight along with it, and killing BigB didn't give me nearly the rush I wanted. Would I lie to you about the good times?"

"I could kill you. I could kill you, Scar."

Grian stole the traits of Enderman

"Um- No, no! You actually can't- See, I'm all alone down here; that would be so mean… You have to be purple for the turn of an episode at least, I think I heard. I'm looking for a friend!"

"I could kill you," Mumbo says again, knuckles tight around the hilt of his sword. It's still extended, and Scar's so close now that it's an easy flick for Mumbo to press the tip of it against Scar's iron chestplate. Having literal iron abs would be a funny sight. Diamond abs would be amazing. That probably hurts when doing crunches. Imagine all that grating back and forth… Diamond cuts diamond- that's a real thing. No, it's true!

"Oh, it's Truce Night… Killing me will have to wait."

Mumbo's glowing eyes bore in a little deeper. "It's not Truce Night 'til the double beeps go off. You're in my cave."

PearlescentMoon went to bed. Sweet dreams!

Scar's hand glitters white. He shifts his crossbow from his inventory to his main hand. Mumbo's blade still rests against his chest, but in all the red haze - and in all his red protests - Mumbo looks frightened. He's backed into a corner, and if he's spooked, he'll definitely swing. Will he, though? Scar's allowed to strike back if Mumbo hits him first. Reds are mostly dead, you know… Reds have wild, mind-messing mods pumping in their code. "But I want to team with you!" And he laughs. Isn't that obvious? Has he not been clear?"

"You can't, Scar." Mumbo's tone is short and fierce, like the blade pressing into Scar's chestplate.

"Oh, you were wonderful at scaring people back in Last Life."

There's a pause. Mumbo's eyes fidget like he's snapping screenshots or zooming on Scar's face. The sword point scratches, diamond squealing over iron. It doesn't drop any lower. "Well, that's quite encouraging. Thank you for, um… saying such flattering things about me." Mumbo blinks. "I don't really know what I'm doing here; to be perfectly honest, I feel like I was absolutely pants at being a red name last time. I really don't know if I deserve to be here."

"Why, you're here to be my friend, of course!"

"Am I? Really?"

"Oh, of course, of course… Have you seen Bdubs, by the way?"

Perplexity (Perplexion) stitches its way across every line of Mumbo's face. For the first time, the sword scrapes downward. It drops from Scar's chestplate and dangles, tip aimed at his heel instead. Mumbo upturns one hand. He holds it out, awaiting payment. "Have you brought me something nice? I can kill him for you. Would you like me to kill him for you?"

Such a polite request… Mumbo is so very polite. It's one of the beautiful qualities that makes him such a nice friend. Scar grabs his hand instead, shaking up and down. Mumbo's mouth twitches at the contact, though he keeps breathing and doesn't jerk back his hand. "Oh, no," he says, "but Bdubs is at the surface! And Bdubs is such a lovely man. It's our job to protect him."

"That… sounds like the exact opposite of my job right about now, Scar."

[ Full chapter link at top ]

[thecoolerliauditore]

shaking your hand shaking your hand. wild life spoilers below

i dont think i liked this one. im not sure im the biggest fan of the mechanics this season in general, since both of the last two episodes havent left them much time to do anything but... run around, scream, and die for most players. first episode was fun, they had time to do things. i dont feel the same about 2 and 3. people still dont even have bases? going in to the fourth episode? really?

.

in all fairness with the base thing, joel+gem, skizz+mumbo+grian and bigb pretty much have finished bases. I'd still count Bigb's base as his base despite him joining GGGG just cus of the psychological impact it had on me. The parrots aren't exactly a base but them + the cute little meeting area Scar made this episode I would constitute as base-y enough.

BET would've had bases by now if Etho wasn't serious about the copper thing and Scar didn't burn Tango's tower down. And GGGG + Bigb moved away in the middle of building theirs.

Don't get me wrong the gimmicks are definitely doing a number on their productivity overall but they're not. Thatttt slow imo I reckon we'll get finished bases next episode for sure unless Bdubs blows up eight times.

That being said. Yeah.

The food task I did enjoy because I didn't feel like it crossed a line in terms of intrusiveness, once you trial and error'd your way into a safe food you were pretty much good to go. It was also balanced better imo so the RNG didn't feel too awful.

The snails though? No way to deal with them other than to give them your full attention or even slow it down in any meaningful way. I wish they just like. broke through blocks a little more slowly or something so that you could theoretically trap them in a hole and have the peace of mind to do something else for like a minute or two.

The balancing is also just. yeah kind of gross to watch. Lots of those deaths felt unfun and at worst frustrating. If I was Bdubs or Bigb I'd be a little bit annoyed.

I've been saying this since LimL/SL that I'm not the biggest fan in the world of the direction the series has taken from a more slow-paced survival series to being more gimmicky but I also respect it cus I understand why Third Life 2 wouldn't have the most hype behind it. Still though sighs. I miss the Stanford Prison Experiment In Minecraft days I really do.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Wild Secret Life Guessing

NameMC Spoilers ahead!

All right then! As is tradition, as we get towards the end of a Life Series season, it is time for me to start making predictions about future episodes, mainly so I can look back later and either laugh at myself or feel smug and omniscient. Maybe a bit of both. Last session was absolutely wild and it's clear the Secret Keepers are driving towards the finish, so here's what I think is going to happen in Session 8 and possibly beyond!

There is a better-than-even chance that Session 8 is the last session for Secret Life. Under no circumstances will the game go longer than Session 9. CCs want Christmas off too, after all.

There will be no yellows left by the end of Session 8. The reds will take out all the yellows to secure as many hearts as possible, then turn on one another.

Scar permadies in Session 8. We know he turns red in the session and has an absolute banger of a skin for it. Chaos Scar has been aching to emerge for weeks, and he is finally allowed fully out of his cocoon. Scar will not pay attention to the idea of red tasks directing red violence, he will make his own fun and self-destruct gloriously.

Scar will manage to kill at least once in Session 8.

One of the previous winners will sacrifice themselves in an effort at kingmaking. Nobody really wants to win twice, but they all have their favorites. My money right now is on Scott to let somebody take him down to red for the ten hearts.

Mounders alliance is over in Session 8, and all the members join other groups or go unaligned. Joel and Bdubs will probably hook up with Martyn and become Big Dogs. Pearl might try and join the Cherry Blossoms or even the Big Dogs as well (not being literally red has never stopped her before), or she might go off on her own. Mumbo will remain deceased.

Heart Foundation alliance is over in Session 8. BigB will desert the team and retreat into his base with his excellent new Red skin. Tango and Skizz might stick together, but both of them will be gone by the end of the session.

Cherry Blossom Alliance does not formally dissolve but is functionally over in Session 8. Gem and Impulse both betrayed the alliance last session and Scott and Cleo reinvoked the Widows Alliance, which they have clearly been wanting to do all season. NameMC says all of the Cherries are red by the end of the session and I just don't see a lot of trust remaining there.

Roomies Alliance survives during Session 8. Etho got zombified in Session 7 and still managed to not betray the team, cementing their bond of trust. They are also all still yellow at the start of the session, which means they are all a target. They'll still all get picked off, but not, I think, by one another.

There is a slight possibility that Pearl and Gem do some kind of Thelma and Louise thing involving the camel, but that's based on interpretations of Pearl's Twitter emojis and I don't stand by it.

And the big one: Assuming Session 8 is not the final session, who lives, who dies, who goes on to a Session 9 showdown? Here's my list of Session 8 permadeaths, in decreasing order of likelihood.

Scar

Skizzleman

Tango

Bdubs

Gem

Pearl

Martyn

And my prediction for eventual winner? It's hard to say even now, there are a lot of contenders, but I'm going to say Etho. He's positioned very well at the start of Session 8 for a win, he's got good allies and he's yellow with a lot of hearts left. Plus it would be really dramatic if we get to see whether Bdubs is literally ready to die for him, and you know how I feel about the Drama!

Watch this space, I'll be back next week to analyze how things went and how smart I am. And feel free to use comments or reblogs to tell me how very right or incredibly wrong I am, or to add predictions of your own!

[theminecraftbee]

"Is it for missing the dragon fight again? Because like, man, you know as well as I do that fight wasn't ever about me," BigB says to the Secret Keeper, which doesn't respond.

There's blood on his hands. They're red. Well, they aren't red, and there isn't blood, but it's a metaphor, right? It's a really good metaphor, on account of him otherwise being green.

"I'm, uh, not meant to be... whatever Grian was? An unguided hand? I thought the rules were meant to be that there weren't greens who could do that anymore, 'cause you didn't like the first time, or did like it too much, or something. But, uh, you have it out for me a bit now, don't you? That's cool, that's cool."

His hands feel warm, and wet, and grainy, in exactly the way blood does. Compared to a lot of people BigB actually doesn't know much about how blood feels. He's hardly much of a fighter. He's never been. He still remembers it though. After you've felt someone else's blood, it's hard to forget it. It makes imagining it easy, which is funny, because it's not like Skizz even died. He got stabbed a little at most. Everyone gets stabbed a little sometimes. That's just how life works.

He sighs.

"Will someone else do that next week, or is it just me?" BigB says.

No response.

"The task said I had to, uh, betray or build traps or anything they asked. Really emphasized the betrayal actually. Sort of cruel as a task, isn't it?"

No response.

"Whatever," BigB says. "If it's for missing the dragon fight again, I'm, uh, not sorry. Not much of a fighter, really. Not much of a dog, either. It was fun! Fun being the loyal guy for once. Don't like you trying to make that stop. But, uh, I've known a lot of dogs at this point, and I'm not one of them. I'm... something else. You know that, right? Now that you're actually paying attention?"

The Secret Keeper doesn't respond. He rolls his eyes. He figures he'll climb back into his hole alone and keep on being the 'something else' that he is. Maybe this time, the betrayal won't follow him for the entire season. Maybe this time, it won't be a stain on him forever. He can get lucky like that for once, right? He didn't want to. He never wants to. It makes his heart ache, every time he has to play the role of traitor. Surely, this time they'll understand, right? Skizz is understanding. Skizz said it was worth it. Skizz won't be like...

"I'll make a deal. Next time we fight a dragon, I'll go," BigB says, almost plaintive. "You'll stop trying to figure me out then, right? Put me in a box? You'll figure out what I am? Will that do?"

No response.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go work on my hole and tell Grian that none of that was a task. He'll make funny noises about it. Whoever's watching me gets to know about it, and no one else. Or I guess whoever's... listening? Is that what Jimmy's guys do? Man, I don't know. I was never involved that much. Maybe that's it, more than the dragon fight. You're mad I haven't been involved. Well, I guess I am now. Congrats. I'd do it again next week if I had to."

The Secret Keeper is large, and stone, and doesn't answer, but somewhere in the distance, BigB is sure that someone's laughing at him. After all, he's the one who had to betray his friends, and dig a hole, and hide from everyone, and everything else no one else is being made to do with their tasks. It's whatever, though. He'll deal with it. He always has.

His hands are so, so red right now. Not the rest of him. The rest of him is green and clean of blood. Funny how that works.

He goes to hide in his tunnels that no one can find him properly in. That's the advantage of living in the backrooms. No one ever knows what door he'll come out of next.

[ivys-garden]

It's been a day now, here's my thoughts/predictions on the Wild Life teams

The Sub One Club (Grian, Skizz, Mumbo) - these idiots were easily the most fun team this session with their antics. Skizz is saying he wants to be mean again, which, considering how that went in last life probably won't end well for him. I'm excited to see where this goes.

The Drama Club (Impulse, Cleo, Scott, Pearl) - oh, the fanfic writers bloody love this one, don't they? Three Gs was one of my favourite teams, and I'm an Impulse fan, so this is fun for me. Expect Impulse to at least get top three this season. Pearl and Scott are definitely killing themselves in the final session.

The Fast And The Furious (Gem, Joel) - like Scott said, either a really scary team or a shakesperian comedy in waiting. If Gem can stop Joel from charging into a mess he made headfirst, then both of them have a pretty good chance at winning. Hopefully, Joel's tradition of hating Scott for no reason prevents an alliance from forming, or else the server is doomed.

The Blind Trio (Bdubbs, Etho, Tango) - it's bet minus skizz! Expect a joke about that next session. Either this team will be a soap opera or skit show. Who knows. One of these fools will die to their own stupidity.

Swol Patrol (Ren, Martyn) - Ren is back and has already teamed up with Martyn because, of course, he has. Expect most of the angsty moments to come from these fools. Most of the shippy ones, too. Martyn will kill Ren at least once, for old times' sake.

The Bam Gang (Jimmy, Lizzie, Scar) - these idiots are so dead! Maybe, I do have some faith in Jimmy not being first out... maybe like third. Scar was also pretty scary last season so maybe they do have a shot. Murder theme park is a pretty fun goal.

Will say tho, the last time Scar started making reputation boards with his bird themed ally who made enemy's with Ren and Martyn, it didn't end well. Am I saying that we will see another 3rd life style two faction war? Im not not saying that.

Oh there's also bigb. He's probably gonna join Swol Patrol or Plus 1 Club. Probably eont move in but will pull a secret life and alternate between their and his bases. Also love that he is still committing to being an erie freak for no reason.

[watarfallar]

Do y'all want more of this or something else for next time?

Mumbo: There's beer in the cooler. Lizzie: What about for the children? Mumbo: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer. Joel: Why don't we just give the kids water? Mumbo, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

Gem: You know, I always wanted to be somebody. Scott: You probably should have been more specific.

Lizzie: I'm a witch. I mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my cat knows the f-word.

Ren: It's locked. You got a lock pick? Grian: Yeah- Gem: *kicks in the door*

Joel: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk? Martyn: *sighing* Scott. Scott: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die. Impulse: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

Skizz: Pros and cons of dating me. Skizz: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Skizz: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests? Tango: Death penalty. Skizz, from the gallery: Tango, it’s just a parking ticket. Tango, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

Gem: You’re overthinking this. Jimmy: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Gem. What if I’m underthinking?

Mumbo: Hey, Cleo? Can I get some dating advice? Cleo: Just because I'm with Etho doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Pearl: What's your most controversial video game hot take? Grian: The pursuit for photorealism in games is a fruitless endeavor that only results in bloated file sizes that take too much space. Etho: Mario is a woman and just really butch.

Scar: Bad news—Impulse locked themself outside of their own house. Scar: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith. Scar: Bad news—Mumbo finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies. Scar: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it. Scar: Bad news—it was Grian, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.

Jimmy: Truth or dare? Grian: Dare. Jimmy: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room. Grian: Hey Gem? Gem, blushing: Yeah? Grian: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Etho.

BigB: Isn’t it weird how we pay money to see other people? Skizz: You mean movies? Ren: Concerts? Scar: Prostitutes? BigB: Wha…N-no, I mean glasses, what the fuck-

BigB: I truly hate it here <3 Scott: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Jimmy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Tango: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Mumbo: I’m having a fucking stroke. Jimmy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!

BigB, about Jimmy and Tango: My god, would you two just get a room already? Tango: Excuse me, BigB? BigB: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Jimmy: ... Lizzie: I ship it! Skizz: CAN YOU NOT?

Grian: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? BigB: Which came first, the orange or the orange? Impulse: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago. Scott: What was the color called before then? Pearl: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Gem: So we're gonna read what we wrote down so we can tell everyone in the class something about ourselves. Impulse: Okay, my name is Impulse but you can refer to me as Lord Farquad. Gem: Okay that's not happening- how about you! Ren: I'm Ren and I like the movie White Chicks! Gem: ...Okay... whatever, I respect that. Bdubs: My name is Bdubs and I hate this place, it actually sucks here... Gem: Okay... and you... Scott: *nervous* Uhhh my name is Scott and my favorite color is... math.

Impulse: Eugh, Ren. Bdubs: Remember when they tried to kill us because I wouldn’t marry them? BigB: They’re always trying to trick me into giving them my house! Mumbo: One time I caught them stealing my moisturizer…

Bdubs: Mumbo, let’s go! Mumbo: Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter. Bdubs: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance. Mumbo: What-? Bdubs: Mom, Dad, Mumbo smoked pot in college. Mumbo: You are such a tattletale! Mumbo: Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was Etho who was smoking the pot but... It was me. I’m sorry. Bdubs: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, Mumbo did. Mumbo: Yeah, well, hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing Bdubs did. Bdubs: Mumbo hasn’t worked for a year! Mumbo: Bdubs and Etho are living together! Bdubs: Mumbo married Grian in Vegas and got divorced AGAIN! Pearl: I love Jacques Cousteau! Grian: I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle! Gem: I wanna gooo!!

Scott: “I miss you” is the nicest text you can receive. Impulse: “I bought a monster truck.” Cleo: You’re both wrong, it’s “I have too much money, you can have some.” Gem: “I got you pizza.” Scar: Fools! I present to you this: “Bdubs is driving to your house right now.” Impulse: “Bdubs had too much money so they’re driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that they got for you.” Scott: “…Because they missed you.”

PLUS A BONUS HERMITCRAFT ONE:

Xisuma, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Impulse: Hey. Scar: Hi. Grian: Hello. Mumbo: Hey! Xisuma: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Gem: We were out of Doritos.

[darkaviarymc]

I kinda did a half-ass job explaining my views in the tags of that last post because, well, there's only so much you can concisely put into tags. So I'm just gonna make my own post.

I'm going to preface this by saying that you can do whatever you want forever and I'm not here to be the analysis police.

HOWEVER! I have Opinions and a right to voice them.

Grian is a very important, significant, and integral part of Scar's arc through the life series and vice versa. You cannot effectively discuss one without acknowledging the impact and involvement of the other. Even analyzing SL in a vacuum, Scar being forced to turn down Grian’s offer of friendship when both of them were desperate for alliances was a significant event for both Grian and Scar in the series. Desert Duo is important to Scar's win, and Scar's win is important to Desert Duo.

IT IS 100% GOOD AND CORRECT TO FACTOR THIS IN.

So I get it. I'm as feral a Desert Duo enjoyer as the next person. It's easy to get fixated on your favorite part, especially for the 90% of us who are some flavor of ADHD/Autistic. Hyperfixating is what we do best.

But so is overanalyzing.

SO THAT BEING SAID...

Scar is his own separate character away from Grian, and I think people centering Grian/Desert Duo when discussing Scar's win and journey through the Life Series to get there are doing a disservice to Scar's character and arc. Especially when people focus on Grian at the expense of Scar himself.

The loneliness of Magical Mountain and effectively losing Joel in LL was a stark contrast to 3L and forced Scar to learn self-sufficiency. The rivalry and subsequent tentative alliance with Team Rancher and the disruption to his alliance caused by BigB in DL forced Scar to rethink everything he thought he knew about how alliances worked. The family dynamic and watching Bdubs die in LimLife was the first time he’d ever had to truly grieve a perma-death, even if only for a short time before his own demise.

And Scar took all of this with him into SL. With the knowledge and experience he gained from everyone he'd crossed paths, hearts, and swords with, he made himself into the Scar we watched push that final success button.

He did that. He did that as all of his experience plus his own wit, tenacity, and resilience. He is far more than the sum of his parts, those parts being allies and enemies of every season.

And yes, one of those parts (and a very significant foundation piece at that) was Grian and that damn desert.

We are all shaped by our lived experiences and those we shared them with. But no person can be defined by a single thing. The cactus ring isn't the only thing that made Scar who he is. Grian isn't the only person who made Scar who he is. Magical Mountain, Joel, Jimmy, Tango, Cleo, Etho, Pearl, Bdubs, BigB, Gem... all of them contributed.

But more importantly, Scar made Scar who he is.

I think something ccScar says a lot can be applied to cScar here: life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And it's how Scar reacted to the people and events that he encountered that won him Secret Life.

TL;DR: It's OK and even important to bring Grian into the discussion of Scar's arc. But it's a great disservice to Scar's character to make Grian his ENTIRE arc.

PS: Yeah ok fine I'll say it now: I THINK THEY FINALLY LEFT THAT DESERT!