#I'm going to state my reason - too which I'll get told well I really should be going and how do I know if I don't try it and we have things

[tealeavesandthorns]

// just a rant in the tags please ignore lol

[howi99]

A Knight second chance 9

Blake: *glaring daggers at Jaune*

Ren: ... Jaune, what did you do?

Jaune: *shrug* I stated the obvious. *Point to the cat ears* It's not like she even TRIED hiding her identity. *Doing a little wave at her, with a smile*

Blake: *looking furious*

Ren: ... But why the antagonisms?

Jaune: If i told you it keeps her from thinking about running away from here, you'd believe me?

Ren: ... Does it have anything to do with what happened at the docks?

Jaune: ... No?

___________________________________________

Team RWBY: *arriving at the docks after Blake was "forced" to explained her backstory to her team*

Blake: What the-

Jaune: *speaking with one of the White Fang which is already in handcuffs* Oh don't get me wrong, i don't like the SDC one bit, but-

Ruby: *perplexed to see her friend here* Jaune?

Jaune: *turning to see them* Oh, hey gang!

Yang: *looking at the bunch of White Fangs being arrested by the police* What... Happened here?

Jaune: *shrug* They tried stealing a shipment of Dust. And hey, i'm the first person to say that the SDC suck-

Weiss: Hey!

Jaune: *smiling* Weiss, your father is the main reason why Vacuo is dirt poor. And they refuse to send dust to Menagerie.

Weiss: *pointing at the faunus on the ground* Because of them!

Blake: *frowning at Weiss*

Weiss: *rolling her eyes* The terrorist, not the faunus.

Jaune: *taking a pamphlet from his pocket* Actually, the embargo debuted BEFORE the White Fang was even a thing. So it's totally because of segregation, Weiss.

Weiss: B-but-

Jaune: *cuting her with a smile* Anyway, that's not important for now. What's important is that the situation was de-escalated and that nobody was hurt.

Blake: How!?

Jaune: ... I called the authorities? *Shaking his head* Blake, they are civilians, not trained soldiers. Heck, it wasn't even hard to explain to them that if they cooperated, they wouldn't be tried as terrorists, but as thieves.

Black: *who had a "perfect" speach ready* Uh!?

Grunt: ... He also knocked out most of our heavy hitters while WALKING to them with a smile. And we were shooting him! So uh... Yeah, we aren't dealing with that.

Yang: That's badass.... *Smirk* And frightening.

Jaune: *Sigh* It also hurts like a bitch. *Chuckle* I wouldn't recommend it. *Picking up one of the guns* The only reason it worked was because they were using subsonic ammunitions of 9mm.

Grunt: *sigh* The guy, Roman, said it was for discretion. If it wasn't of that, we would have been fine.

___________________________________________

Ren: You did steal her moment, no?

Jaune: *shrug* Meh, it's not like that's going to be the last time... Also, duck.

Ren: *perplexed* Duck? *Get hit behind the head by a creampie Blake tried to throw at Jaune* !?

Silence in the cafeteria

Nora: *jumping on the table* I'LL AVENGE YOU! *Throwing a fish at Yang by mistake* Oops...

Yang: *her semblance activating with a grin* FOOD WAR!!!

___________________________________________

Velvet: *under a table with Coco and Russel* You want Coco expertise?

Russel: Yeah!

Coco: ... Your team did bully V, why should i help you?

Velvet: *frowning* Coco, Russel's a good guy. And even the rest of his team aren't really that bad. *Sigh* Cardin was mainly angry because the white fang kept attacking his mother's store.

Coco: ... *Sigh* You are too good, V. *Looking at Russel* What do you want?

Russel: W-well, i-

Dove: *taking cover* Oh, hi you Velvet. You were still interested in coming to the arcade with us?

Velvet: *smiling* Hey Dove and yes! But i was wondering if my team could come?

Dove: Don't see why not. *Cardin falls next to him* Hey big guy, Velvet wants to know if she can bring her friends with her to the arcades?

Cardin: *shaking off the food from his head* Uh? *Looking at Velvet with a slight blush* Oh uh, yeah, sure. *Picking up a plate as a shield, going back into the melee*

Dove: *looking for a "weapon", picking up a breadstick and following his leader*

Coco: uh... They do seem a lot nicer. *Looking back at Russel* So back to my help.

Russel: *picking up invitations to a nice restaurant from his pocket* W-well i was planning to ask my girlfriend out, but i don't really have anything nice to wear and-

Coco: Say less, i'll help you out.

Russel: *smiling* Thank you! Now if you excuse me *picking food for the fight* My team needs me! *Leave the cover to follow his friends*

Coco: ... By the way, the big guy totally has a crush on you.

Velvet: Pfft, Cardin? That's ridiculous!

Coco: Uh-huh, if you say so.

[tiedyeflannels]

Never Let You Go

Park Jimin x reader

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 -- Masterlist

Word Count: 0.9k

Genre: Angst to Fluff

A/N: What's up! I finally got around to writing this fic again after a few months. I figured that if I didn't write this now, I probably would never finish and I really wanted to write this since forever ago. Anyway, here's part one and I'll post part two whenever I'm done, which could be in an hour or a couple days *shrug*. Enjoy tho!

“I can’t believe you said that,” Jimin yelled as we walked into the living room.

“Are you seriously getting upset with the fact that I had told you that I thought you looked a little unwell at the shoot today,” I calmly asked, following him into the room.

“Yes! Especially when you just had to let the entire staff know about it too!”

“Anybody would’ve brought it up. Jimin, I was just concerned about you,” I tried to reason, but he spun around and looked at me with a furious face.

“You were concerned!? Why don’t you worry about yourself for a change?”

“How can I, when I know you haven’t been sleeping or eating well recently?”

The tension was starting to build in the room the longer we stood there in silence. Jimin was silently fuming and anyone could see it on his face. I was trying my best to stay calm and defuse the situation, but anything I said seemed to make him angrier until…

“Well, maybe you should worry about not being in this relationship anymore.”

“What…” I quietly asked as all the blood rushed out of my face in shock.

“Guys, maybe we should calm down,” Namjoon said calmly.

“No, I'm done!”

“Chim… you don’t actually mean that,” I tried as tears started welling up in my eyes.

“Yeah. I do,” he huffed before storming out of the living room, toward his room.

The tears slowly escaped from my eyes as I watched him angrily close the door behind him.

“Oh, Y/n…” I looked to the side and finally realized that the other members had been sitting in the living room, listening to our fight.

“He didn’t mean that,” Namjoon tried to reason as he hugged me from the side and rubbed my arm soothingly.

“Yeah, you know how he can get when he’s mad. Just give him some time to cool down,” Tae spoke up from the couch.

I sadly nodded as Namjoon gave me a squeeze before guiding me to the couch and letting me join them in whatever they were watching.

~

Sadly, it seemed like he didn’t calm down. I tried knocking on his door over the next week when I went over so we could talk, but he told me to leave or just simply wasn’t there. I tried texting him, asking if we could talk about the fight, but they always went unread. 

The worst thing about it was that I was supposed to leave to work in the States for a couple years, next week. I did my best to get him to talk, I even had some of the members try to talk to him about the fight so I could see where he was, but he dismissed the topic as soon as they brought it up. 

Which brought us to today…

“Please let us know when you land, okay,” Jungkook said as he gave me a hug.

We were standing in the driveway of their house because they wanted to see me before I left for the airport. Well… all except one.

My eyes were darting around the group and the windows to see if I could spot a glimpse of Jimin before I left, but he was nowhere to be found.

Namjoon walked up to me, “We all told him that he should, at least, say bye before you left…”

“He’s an idiot,” Yoongi chimed in, making me chuckle at his bluntness before continuing, “We’ll make sure to tear him a new one when we see him.”

The guys nodded in agreement, making me smile at how much they cared about me.

“It’s fine! Though if you could convince him to talk with me about this situation that we’re in, I would really appreciate it,” I said, looking around the group with a small smile.

“We will definitely do that,” Hobi said with his reassuring smile.

“...After we tear him a new one,” Tae added in, completely serious. 

I smiled and nodded, “Thank you. I’ll try to reach him as soon as I get situated in my new place, but I won’t expect him to reply.”

“We’re right behind you,” Namjoon assured.

I sighed, “Thank you and good luck in the military! I’m sorry I won’t be around to see you guys off individually. I really wanted to.” 

Jin waved me off, “No worries! We’ll see you when you come back, just be safe.”

He opened his arms and I happily slotted myself between them, giving him the last hug for a while. Some of the others cooed and gathered around for a group hug.

“I’m gonna miss you, guys.”

“We’ll miss you, too,” they said and kept hugging for a bit before stepping back to let me go.

I sighed, “Stay safe and healthy. I’ll be back to pick you up when you’re done.”

They nodded before I sighed one more time and started slowly backing away from them and to the car waiting for me.

“Love you guys! Take care while I’m gone!”

“Love you too!”

~

Once I landed I texted the group to let them know that I got there safely and that they should take care of themselves while I’m gone. I took a cab over to the apartment I would be staying in for the next two years that I was going to be here and started to get situated as soon as I stepped inside.

After a bit of unpacking, I took out my phone once I took a break to lay on my bed and opened Jimin’s contact.

Sighing, I typed out, “Hey, I made it safely to my new place! It’s really nice here, but it’s nothing like being home. I would love it if we could talk soon. I miss you a lot… <3”.

I turned the phone off and let it drop to my side, hoping that he would come around soon.

Part 2

[iheartcabbyiii]

I didn't want to make this post, and I still don't, but I don't think I can keep my silence on the situation for any longer. I've only told a few people about this, so I'm here now, telling all of you about what happened.

"The Henry Stickmin Artist Community" discord server is a server I am currently in; you may be too, you may not. If so, you also might know the owner, Stick, aka Suppishstick on discord. I definitely do. My experience with them was not a good one, and I'll be sharing my experience with them in this post.

1: Starting off.

How we met:

A few months ago, I joined a THSC community based server along with another close friend of mine, looking to communicate with some other THSC fans outside of twitter (only platform I posted on back then). However, I didn't start talking until a few months afterwards. Once I had started talking, I had gotten to know a few of the people there; one of them being Stick. They didn't talk much, but the first interaction we ever had (I believe) was when I was talking about an artist I disliked (this artist was fairly controversial for their predatorial creations and actions, btw).

When I explained what they did to Stick since they wanted to know, we just talked about how disgusting that behavior is, and so on. Conversation ends.

How it started:

However, a few hours afterwards, they'd started dming me with random shit. It wasn't wrong, it just felt a little weird because I didn't expect to be dmed after our previous conversation was already done and over with: also because we didn't know each other. There wasn't anything wrong with just talking, so I went along with it.

One day, he suddenly said that he was thinking of making me and my friend mods. However, he said it like if he made me a mod, he'd have to make them a mod too. Despite this, I was extremely happy. I don't know WHY I wanted mod perms, but overall you can't really do anything other than ban and kick people; can't even invite a bot to the server. It wasn't worth it, but now I see why he made me AND my friend both mods. (This will come up again.)

3:

Then, the more they talked, the topic became based on serious topics, their IRL life, and their problems. (I'm going to be very vague with their problems they had for privacy reasons.) It started off with them talking about having a crush on their friend, and it basically backfiring on them.

This is basically what started it.

From then on, they began to vent in my dms almost daily about any feeling they had, and I would reply every time, despite being uncomfortable yet not having the guts to tell them to stop.

He went from that, to talking about how he wanted to bleach his skin, which is OBVIOUSLY harmful. His reasoning was that he would maybe get a girlfriend because he would be white, and saying that he should do what MJ (Michael Jackson) did, which is also untrue. Besides that, when he said this, I felt extremely uncomfortable with what he said he was going to do just for people to like him, since I didn't want him to harm himself. I wouldn't want ANYONE to do this just so they could be liked by other people. (As well as me telling him another time, not to vent in my DMS.)

Then, afterwards, they had started venting in my dms without permission again. This screenshot one of the various times I'd told him not to vent w/o perms.

All he talked about was the situation with his friend, and everything that was going on in his life. However, then he started talking about using steroids and harming himself. (I may come off as dry in these texts because as I stated, I was uncomfortable.)

I didn't know how to react when I saw these messages. I didn't know if I were to comfort him, discourage those actions, or just not reply in general.

When he said he didn't vent in DMS anymore, which was pretty much just contradicting himself, I pointed it out that he had been doing that for weeks.

His motive for doing most of these things was to make people like him. And I understand that you might not be liked by too many people, but harming yourself and your health to fit in is not the way to go.

He argued that it wasn't "angry or suicidal stuff", so I guess it ... Wasn't venting??? (SS of convo down below)

3:

I'd also like to talk about the typa shit he'd talk about when he wasn't venting to me. Most of this stuff was stuff I didn't know (or really care, I'm sorry to say it,,) about.

A few of the things he sent stuck out to me, specifically because it was NSFW content.

One of these examples was a newgrounds animation. Why was I trusting anything they sent that was from newgrounds? Because I didn't want to just not acknowledge the shit he was talking about.

This animation, however, was a video of a fucking Creeper getting assaulted.

I did not request to see the animation, all I said was that I hadn't seen it, yet he still sent the link.

The image of the video is blurred because it contains slight gore, and I'm not taking my chances,,,

Yeah, some people might be able to handle it, but like, if someone doesn't ask for a NSFW link, YOU DONT SEND IT!!!

Now, here's my message I sent after I didn't want this to go on any longer. I sent this message to request that he stop talking in my dms in the politest way I could. Although, this is the response I got.

Yes, he did apologize for saying it like that, but it didn't feel as if he really meant it.

If he had problems, I wanted him to seek help for them, and not tell someone on the Internet who he didn't know basically every thought he had.

I wasn't comfortable from the start.

Before I start my conclusion on this, I'd like to mention the time he promoted his rants,...,, To be specific, he sent a message in the main chat of the server, saying, "check rant, it's bad."

Not only did he say this in the server, he also sent it in my dms as well. (I cannot provide any more pictures because I've reached the limit of images tumblr will allow me to add, but if anyone would like to see them, I can show the messages he sent.)

If Stick sees this, I will not argue with him about this. If he bans me from the server, that's fine. I still believe what he did was wrong.

[strawberrykisseslia]

sweetness

♡ pairing: ada wong x fem!reader

♡ cw: pure fluff like too much, ada being softer with reader, also im not sure how to write ada js yet so bare w me, not proofread

♡ i love ada sm i dont get the hate also i got sick :D

♡ wc: 700

“oh, fuck!” you gasped and looked down at your finger which had a cut. some blood dripped down onto the floor and onto the broken plate. you thought it would go okay to make dinner after having a long night shift the other day. you couldn’t really sleep. all you did was think about Ada if she is alright.

you knew she wasn’t really the one who was used to text so much but it made you worried that you haven’t heard from her in days. she never told you about her job but you knew it was important and dangerous.

the reason Ada never talked more about it was because she didn’t want you to get involved in it. it could put you out to danger, it was already risky she had someone so important to her.

you sighed and put your hands down on the counter and leaned against it. you took a big breath in and out before starting to clean up the mess but first you cleaned up your cut and put a bandaid on it.

as you were deep into cleaning you heard the front door open.

“i’m home.”

you quickly got up and ran towards the door. it was your loving girlfriend.

she put down her stuff on the small table besides the door and put her coat up. she looked extremely exhausted but when she saw you coming out of the kitchen a smile creeped up on her face.

“hey love.” her voice was quiet and soft. you hugged her around her neck and she held you closely by the waist.

“hey, it’s nice to have you back,” you said as you stepped back. “i was worried about you.” you gently carried her cheek, she leaned into your touch.

"i missed you a lot." she whispered to you. Ada took your hand and noticed the bandaid. "what happened?" she asked and tilted her a bit.

"oh, just wanted to make you some dinner but dropped the plate and it broke," you laughed a bit at the accident. "it's nothing deadly." you teased Ada a bit. she always cared if something happened to you. even if it was the smallest paper cut. she was there to help you even after you told her countless times that you are fine.

"you shouldn't. i know you had a night shift yesterday, i know your schedule," she continued talking as she took her boots off. "you should be resting. i make something, okay?"

she didn't wait for your answer and walked into the kitchen. luckily you were done with the cleaning when she got home so you could freely walk in the kitchen.

you crossed your arms and leaned against the door frame and smiled at your girlfriend who was walking arouned the room. "aren't you tired? you should also rest."

she chuckled and shook her head. "never tired to make food for you— i already ate on my way home. i thought you'll be sleeping." you nodded. "i see, well, do you need any help?" you walked over and hugged her around her waist.

"you could sit down on the couch and put something on, i'll handle the rest." she smiled and brushed your arms. "okay!"

-

after some minutes she was done and brought the food in on a tray. she sat down next to you and handed you the freshly made pasta. you thanked her and she nodded. "is it good?" she asked you as you took your bite.

"yes, oh my god!" you nodded. "i love your cookings." you smiled and continued to eat. she put her arm around your shoulder and started to gently brush your arm. "i'm glad."

you were finishing eating when you saw you Ada fell asleep on your shoulder. it's rare to see her relax or in a comforting position. her body is always in a 'go' state, never really resting at all. it's nice to see her finally at peace.

you put your food down on the cafe table and put a blanket over you and her. you held her closely to you, never wanting to let her go away again and just have her for yourself only.

[redflaggreenlight]

figured i'd make a post of personal updates for what's coming:

i'm VANISHING as soon as squid game's s3 drops. until i finish it from start to finish, which could end up anywhere between several days to a couple weeks. can't tell yet if i'm going to be in a binge it all in one sitting state of mind, or if i'll even get the time if i do end up in such a state. i admit i took time off work to watch though [told them i'm going on vacation bc little do they know sg is my life ahahah...]

if i can actually queue things up the way my brain prefers to [with thoughtful tags] or the way it doesn't like to [more basic tags, but i'll at least be reblogging like one should], i'll have a steady stream of posts queuing and posting while i'm not really here

if you see me post something odd or irrelevant since the drop of the new season, this'll be the likely reason why. i am but a ghost attached to the past until my return

i'll use #squid game spoilers à la izzy's post whenever i do return

i admit i'd enjoy staying on to engage while it's actively happening; however, i'm a little too slow and sick for such endeavors and also too afraid to accidentally spoil myself, so i must resolve myself to the disappearing act

will also be using my time away watching s3 to focus more on the sangihun fanfic i've been working on, since my progress has been slow [to my standards] with all going on in life. it'll also help to save me from whatever we're going to witness in this season

i wanted to finish another chapter BEFORE the drop, but alas, i only managed to write about half of what's planned. wish me luck

i've had a few edit ideas sitting in my skull as well, which could only be properly made with s3 footage, granted the things happen i believe will happen (most notably in-ho things). we shall see, but i've had these waiting in my head since season 2 and have been SO PATIENT to not make anything prematurely

alright, see ya'll in the depths of emotional despair soon ✌️

[constelationprize]

dead man walking is an intriguing name i’d love to know more

dead men walkin is my baby!!!!! It's my magnum opus. It is also so big (12 at least 10k planned chapters) I'm not sure if I'll ever finish it in this lifetime. BUT I'M TRYING.

It's a kandreil, canon divergence AU that follows my first instict in literally every fandom because people should not have let me watch Count of Monte Cristo as a child: but what if this story was about revenge? It is also a love letter to the kandreil narrative parallels because there are SO MANY of them. There's also a lot of themes AFTG fic could explore that I feel fit better in a canon-adjacent scenario.

I also really love the synopsis so I'll let it speak on the rest of the premise for me:

Dead man walking (idiom) 1. A condemned prisoner walking to a death chamber or other place of execution.  2. Someone who is soon to die. 3. (figurative) Someone who is about to face an unavoidable loss (though the person may not realize it). .... When his mother dies, a runaway is told the reason why his life fell apart. A year later, Neil Josten is signed by the Palmetto State Foxes right before the season starts, looking to get his revenge or die trying. He might find a reason to live instead.

RIP Janie Smalls your canon last-second suicide attempt was just too convenient. Sorry about the mafia hit girl get well soon.

Though the fic is going to span the AFTG original timeline, I'm not going for a beat-by-beat series rewrite because that's just not the kind of thing that interests me. I'm keeping the exy games and that's it, everything else is getting at least a make over. A REVENGE make over.

I have also decided to make this a triple POV situation which means I saddled myself into writing medicated Andrew's internal monologue for 5 chapters. This was probably a mistake!

(Anyway please give me more excuses to talk about this wip I love it so much.)

[saintmelangell]

I believe you said you were only interested in doing English because you wanted to teach English? I don't think you doing theology would limit you in that because at the end of the day I've had lots of tutors that have graduated in different disciplines, but they've shown to be able to work to that standard which is what got them the job. Why fight against what you're passionate about at the risk of not being able to scratch the itch you really want to scratch?

you make a good point! but the reason why i'm thinking of leaving is because theology is frequently myopic, patriarchal, and difficult to manoeuvre in as a critical theorist. aside from my professors with whom im very close and a couple of classmates i can't be openly queer, which is really taking more of a toll on me mentally than i ever thought it would! ive been discouraged from focusing on issues that i feel passionate about (domestic violence for instance- like literally told "you may not want to include x") so that i don't upset certain committees and so on. which is crazy and has been a real turn off. most of the work i have done has been not with theologians but with religious studies instructors who mostly work outside of the department (my supervisor, who i've worked with for three years, is a psychoanalyst, not a clergy member or theologian).

additionally the way my uni is set up i will get, literally 4-5x the amount of funding for a doctoral discipline that isn't theology, which because i am working class/disabled and do not have family support is a big deal.

there's also a handful of other things that im unsure are unique to my school or not, but which i'll share for the sake of anyone contemplating going into theology. until i was around ten years old i was raised following jewish law, so i am not baptized: my mom wanted me to choose whether i converted like the rest of our family did or not, so as an adult i am still not formally affiliated with any church (although my theological background is at an anglican college doing very jesuit-influenced theology). as a result of this there's almost like a summer camp mentality where different denominations vie to make you convert, which is fine and probably to be expected, but makes it extremely difficult to discern my desires and what the spirit (whatever you conceive him to be) wants me to do. as a theologian you are technically bound to follow the stipulations of whatever denomination you're associated with: for instance, a catholic theologian cannot technically criticize the pope because that would go against catholic theology, and an anglican theologian cannot openly state "the head of the church should be God, not the king" because that would go against anglican theology and also was what got thomas beckett killed.

for a number of reasons i think i am really burnt on in theology, and getting my doctorate in english was what i'd originally intended to do when i graduated in 2020. going into theology was pretty much a fluke decision and its served me incredibly well, but i like the idea of exploring other options too.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #392

It was a sleepy sort of day today. Not only was it cold all day, but also, it was cloudy, too, for most of it.

I had a plan for today. I had planned to go to physical therapy, then try a new sushi place with J that Ja told me about, and then to get Hoshi's CBD oil (it manages his seizures), and then go grocery shopping. I was hoping to have so many pictures for you today.

...In the end, I did only one of those things. Lame.

Physical therapy was productive today, I think. I was given a couple of new exercises to try to address the torsion in my rib cage; we'll see how it goes. After reporting the results of last week's exercises (doing them resulted in a feeling of being stretched that extended all the way from the lower right part of my rib cage all the way up through my chest, trachea, face, and skull), he had me stretch in a way that lifted my right scapula and right collarbone up and away from my rib cage, and I seem to be in less pain than usual as a result, which seems pretty swanky to me, at least for now.

The new exercise is aimed at opening up the section of my rib cage between my right scapula and spine. The other new exercise is aimed at strengthening the larger muscles of my messed-up left leg. Wish me luck, okay? Because... ya know... I'd really like to return to being a cryptid in a local lake someday...

...Good times...

Well. J and I tried going to the sushi place after physical therapy, but... the sushi place is closed on Tuesdays.

So then we tried going to the normal store where we get CBD oil for Hoshi. Despite it being well within normal business hours and well past lunch... it, too, was closed.

So then we tried going to this different place. And not only was it closed, but... it looked like they were gearing up to close shop – like permanently.

In the end, feeling hungry and defeated, we went home. I ordered Hoshi's medicine from the internet. Hopefully it'll be here within a few days.

While I ordered Hoshi's medicine, J made use of the leftovers in the refrigerator. We still had some leftover rice cooked in chicken juices, and plenty of the garlic-mascarpone sauce. So J combined these things, and then made eggs to go with it. I had a bowl full of those muscats, too...

...It was an excellent lunch. 11 out of 10 stars. Absolutely delectable!

I feel really lucky that J took the time to make this; I felt like I was made of lead bricks when I got home, and... still kinda do, actually, for reasons that aren't clear to me.

...Maybe I just need some water.

By the time this was all done, it was already getting dark. It's not safe for me to drive in the dark thanks to the astigmatism, so my plans to go to the grocery were suddenly moot. So I was left feeling kind of adrift and disoriented.

...I try to be flexible, but... I'm still autistic. Unexpected changes of plans that leave me with no alternative methods to fulfill my objectives really leaves me feeling off-kilter and uncertain. And... uncertainty feels like fire and pain to my nervous system.

The intense dislike of uncertainty isn't just an autism thing, either; having C-PTSD (which I very much do) will also often leave a person unable to face uncertainty without a great deal of anxiety. So I've got a bit of a double-whammy going on there. But that's okay. We breathe through it. We breathe, and we drink some water, and we make sure our bellies are full until the discomfort passes. And it will; a nervous system doesn't have the resources to remain in a single state indefinitely. The ghost that drives my flesh-vessel just needs to persist until something changes; no sweat.

So now I'm home and kinda floundering around, debating whether I should play some Hades.

...Meh. Why not. Might as well. Wanna join me...?

...That's all I've got for today. Maybe I'll have something cool tomorrow.

I love you. I'm always cheering for your happiness, safety, and healing. So please... promise me you'll do everything in your power to stay safe so you can keep striving for that wholesome, normal life you wanted.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, September 11th, 2024.

What’s one thing you really want right now? For the recent drama at the animal shelter to blow over. On one hand, I'm kicking myself for opening my big mouth about Alex (because it's a problem that would have more or less solved itself with patience and time), but on the other hand, I'm oddly relieved. Now I'll admit that I'm no paragon of virtue - I've engaged in a bit of idle gossip; I've talked a bit of crap - but she's just relentless. Going forward, I need to have a big think about how to more effectively nip these situations in the bud, as well as whether or not gossip (etc) is something in which I want to participate in any capacity. I'm leaning toward trying to avoid it at all costs, no matter the temptation, no matter how "weird" it makes me seem; because if Alex is the embodiment, then I don't want to be even a tiny fraction of that. But yeah - I told Kristen and Riley about some of the things Alex has said, and Kristen thought it was bad enough to take to management, so I was like, "If you do, then I'll back you up if you need it." Management made her out to be the problem, so I was like, "...Welp. Hey Riley, you wanna back me too?" She did, and we talked to management as well. I don't know if it will make any difference, but there was no way I was going to let Kristen stand alone when she was not the so-called "source of negativity." She was the recipient of it.

Is there anything you’re looking forward to? The Chili Festival. Not this weekend, but next weekend. I might take a day off from volunteering to check it out.

Are you in love? I am not.

Is love even existent at your age? Does anything even exist at my age?

When was the last time you exercised enough to break a sweat? Probably sometime recently at the shelter. Except it would have been less about the exercise and more about the fact that it was just fvcking hot.

Have you been annoyed at someone/something today? Yeah. I hate that I'm good at overthinking and bad at letting things go. It puts such a strain on what would have otherwise been a very relaxing day.

Are you avoiding anybody at the moment? I was on Tuesday, but technically not today or tomorrow because I would be off anyway.

Is rap your favorite genre of music? No, but I don't mind it from time to time.

Are you one of those people that gets jealous easily? Yeah, but I try to reason with myself and not let it get in the way of things. It's such a complicated emotion because it's tied in with a fear of abandonment, my sense of self-worth, etc. I think I've come a long way in terms of dealing with it, but there are definitely times when it rears its ugly head.

What was your favorite show as a kid? Dragon Ball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh, Are You Afraid Of The Dark, Salute Your Shorts, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, etc.

Do you get along with your whole family? I get along very well with my dad. I also get along with my mom, but it still feels a bit superficial. I don't get along with my sibling.

When was the last time you were sick? Aside from migraines, I had a cold last Oct-Nov.

What’s one thing you want to tell somebody right now? There's nothing I really want to tell anyone.

How are you today? I'm like a random grab-bag of emotions, but if I set all of that chaos aside…I'm good.

Has anybody close to you passed away in the last six months? No.

Have you ever lasted a relationship longer then two months? Yeah.

At the moment, what’s your favorite song? I don't have one.

Are you obsessed with anything? Aside from volunteering (I must be obsessed because it consumes such a large portion of my life and I feel like I can't step away), I'm not sure. I definitely have interests and enjoyments, but I'm not [LOCKED IN] to a particular hyper fixation atm.

Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? It is legal here.

Is it safe to walk around your neighborhood at night? Mmmm…it's probably not super dangerous, but I wouldn't feel safe.

If you could visit any state/country you wanted, where would you go? I'm not a road trip person, but if I could be magically transported to all of the National Parks in the country, that would be awesome. Same goes for all the ancient/megalithic/mysterious architecture around the world.

If money weren’t an object, what would you do with your life? Probably something similar to what I'm doing now, except I'd have my cabin in the mountains.

Are you a fan of heights? I'm like trauma bonded with them…???

What is the last compliment you received? I'm not sure, but probably something from my dad. If not him, then maybe from Nan or Veronica at the shelter.

Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? Seven.

Is there an instrument you can/wish you could play? I wish I could play guitar, harp, or violin.

Are you artistic at all? Yeah.

Why do you take surveys? I don't know. I mean, on the surface, I take them for the sake of journaling. But WHY do I want to journal? And WHY do I want to make it semi-public? Maybe I just want attention. :')

Where are you? In my room.

What is your goal in life? To pet more cats than anyone else. I'm already in the top percentiles.

Do you enjoy tanning? No.

Is everything going your way right now? In a weird way…pretty much. Just not quite the way I expected lmao.

What’s one aspect of your life that you want to change? I want to be more independent.

Do you text more then you talk on the phone? Yeah.

Is music a big portion of your life? No, but it is at least part of it.

Does anybody call you ‘baby’? No.

Is there someone you want, but can’t have? No.

Have you ever broken the law? Yeah.

Are you scared to grow old? In the sense that I might never get my life together and will subsist in abject circumstances until I die, yes. In a general sense, I just can't wrap my head around the idea of aging (or death) enough to be truly, existentially fearful.

[kozachenko]

Speculation for Touhou 19 Update: [SPOILERS THIS IS OUTDATED KINDA SORTA LOL]

Ok so I haven't gotten to talk too much about my theories for Touhou 19 but I'll share some speculation and predictions that I have as well as a few theories.

First of all, I feel like not enough people are mentioning Seija as a possible character in this game, like, her whole thing is about the "weak eating the strong" and "overturning society" so this seems like a pretty good chance for her to go against the main enforcers of that ideology i.e. the beast yakuza leaders (Saki, Yachie, and Yuuma). I mainly got this idea from another Tumblr user mentioning Seija and I loved that concept so much, so I'm bringing it up again just to make people more aware of it.

Another thing I would like to mention is the SDMs role in the story, which may seem out of left field but hear me out. So, in 17.5 Okina got Flandre to beat up Yuuma yadayadayada incident solved. I haven't read up on too much of 17.5s story but I know that she's left in charge of the blood pools by Okina and that's that… or is it? What about the eagle spirits that learned of their leader (who they hold in very high regard) being defeated? Wouldn't they also use this opportunity to get revenge on the one who did it? How would Remillia react if she learned that her little sister was being targeted by a bunch of (potentially dangerous) beast spirits? And thus, this would be the reason for Sakuya to get herself involved in the incident. Even if Remillia or Flandre herself tried to tell her "It'll be fine! They're weak anyway! What's the worst they could do?" Sakuya would probably be too paranoid to let it slide.

Another thing to note is the Netherworlds involvement in this game, specifically Youmu. It would also be very likely that she would be involved too since in one of her touhou 17 endings, Eiki told Youmu to get more information on Yachie. So of course, this would be a great oppurtunity to do so.

Some people are also speculating the Moriya Shrines involvement in the new incident, which could be likely as the opportunity of claiming new land would be right up their alley. Plus a leak of Sanae being a potential character in this would support this theory.

One of the most common predictions for Touhou 19s roster and story is that the beast yakuza leaders would also want to get themselves involved in claiming new land. Plus the potential introduction of the fourth faction could also play into this, with all of them trying to go for the same place at once.

Then we have Tsukasa, who I think could probably be related to the fourth faction or (just the beast realm in general), and could potentially be the instigator for Touhou 19s story as she was for 18s story. I should also bring up Chimatas potential involvement as I think it would make sense, this was probably an unintentional side effect of her own ability and she would obviously want to help sort things out again.

Another thing that's mentioned a lot in the story is the possibility of Reimu being lured into a trap of some sort by going to the animal realm, mainly by Aunn. Now, there could be a variety of things that could happen with Reimu and the animal realm, but I'm saving this part for last because it's the possibility I'm most excited for and think would be a really fun twist.

There's also the fourth faction, who we know from Yachies profile uses "cowardly tactics" such as poisoning, parasitism, and assassination, which may mean that the spirits in the faction may not be the strongest in terms of physical strength, but more in strategy, so who could the spirits in this faction be? Foxes, cats, or maybe even monkeys, which leans into the idea of the Sun Wukong character being the leader of the fourth faction.

Then there's the question of who is the true mastermind behind the incident. With Marisa stating that there is some "unknown magic" behind the whole thing, there could be a multitude of answers to this question. It could be someone new or someone we know. I personally think that Okina would play some role in this incident as one of her abilities is manipulating mental energy, which means that she could make everyone want the new land. It could probably be someone new, but the answer to this question will probably have to wait until the full game is out.

So, as of right now, everyone in Gensokyo is going for this new land that just popped up. Especially the beast spirits and beast gangs. Now, if we consider the possibility that the beast leaders themselves (including the fourth one) are also looking to claim the new land, then what does that mean for the animal realm? Since no one is there (except like, maybe a few beast spirits who didn't go), the animal realm (and the human spirits for that matter) are left unwatched.

And I think we know who would want to use this opportunity to gather some faith and take over the animal realm completely...

So, I feel like Keiki wouldn't be a playable, she would probably send Mayumi out to go get this new land for a new base for the human spirits as a backup plan, so we can expect Mayumi to join the "New stage 5 character becomes a protagonist" club. Meanwhile, Keiki has all the time in the world to reassemble her Haniwa army and take over the animal realm. Just to clarify, I don't think Keiki is the one responsible for the incident as a whole, rather, she's just taking advantage of the situation. It would be out of character for someone like Yachie to just leave without making sure the animal realm doesn't get taken over, it seems like an oversight that she wouldn't make. This is why I mentioned maybe a few beast spirits staying behind just in case something happens. Maybe the fourth faction leader is still in the beast realm and is trying to keep Keiki back as long as they can to the best of their ability, and if the fourth leader really is the Sun Wukong inspired character, then anyone who is familiar with the story they come from (Journey to the West) would know that this character would probably jump at the opportunity to fight a powerful god. That probably wouldn't be the primary reason just a little benefit for them.

And with that marks the end of this, really, really long post (LOL), but yeah those are a few of my predictions and speculations. I used to have the mentality of "If you say your wish out loud then it won't come true" but if I was right about the Sun Wukong inspired 2hu character then who knows, maybe I'll be right about a few things here. Let me know what you think could happen, I'm really curious!

[tinyperson00-venting]

I guess maybe she doesn't realize, but stuff like this seriously triggers someone with a mental state as bad as mine. I've told her before vaguely that I had some mental problems and get triggered when she says this type of stuff, but she continues anyway. It's like this girl only ever talks to me to complain about her 'enemies' or her 'terrible life of luxury' or flaunts a super cool or expensive trip she went on to me. Maybe she doesn't realize it, but she either talks over me in person, or ignores me over text when I try to add something or speak. I don't think she really means anything bad by it, but whenever I seem to start talking or texting, she always seems to have to go and leave. When we talk during karate class, she usually just rants about her 'ex friends' or how weird I am. She keeps telling me that I should 'respect and fear her' since she's a higher belt ranking than me as well, which I more or leas just ignore every time because to be honest she's not much better than I am since I'm only one or two below her. I want to like her since she is kinda my only friend other than Ace, but she makes it really hard and I usually just feel like shot afterwards. She has made it very clear tho that she will "hate my guts and never forgive me If I betray her" .. ;-;

what is wrong with my selection of people in my life..? It's as if I'm always getting drawn to the worst people. Really loosing my grip and reason to live again too, gonna need to get my monthly reminder that I can't just kms pretty soon, maybe I'll watch a silent voice again or something.

[maybeitswander]

The Beginnings of a Journey

Somewhere in the southern side of Altier, not far from the Everwoods, there sits a tower, nay, a spire from a not so long ago era. That is where our tale takes place. One of the various creatures of the night raised it's head from it's meal as it hears the sounds of cracking sticks skip across the open air. The small creature’s eye flash as the light of coil lantern fell over it. Startled by the sudden brightness, it skittered away, leaving the corpse of the poor thing it was eating behind. The light of the lantern hovered on the corpse for but a moment before returning to light the path for it's wielder.

While most would not be able to distinguish the man holding the lantern from any other Valin from afar as, aside his tall stature, he looked exactly like one of them. But the closer one got, the more of his features would reveal themselves to the observer. The backpack he carried, overladen with scrolls and books haphazardly attached to it, seemed too heavy from his body to carry. His clothes hung loosely on his frame, as did the bands that surrounded his wrists. His skin an unhealthy gray, the veins that ran through his hands protruded just a bit too far out. The face of the man, of all his features, was the most strange. A pair of round glasses sat upon an almost avian face and behind them were sunken purple eyes.

Not that his companion seemed to mind their friends peculiarities. Beside the tall Valin stood a small, floppy eared Beastfolk who seemingly descended from some kind of prey animal. Their short white fur stuck out in the night's dark blue light which enveloped the forest floor. The clothes they wore were ever so slightly to big for them but didn’t bother them greatly. They held a metal box in front of them, arms warped around it to the best of their ability.

"So... Mister. Where are you heading?" Asked the beastfolk, craning their neck to see the Valin's face.

"No need to be so polite." Replied the Valin, his head tilted down to look at his companion as he let a quaint smile dawn on his face. "To be honest I'm just wandering at this point. Seeing where my feet take me. No destination in mind." He paused for a moment, the windfall of his worn boots pushing aside the fallen leaves. "Say, why are you following me?"

"Well, you have a bright lantern. You seem to know where you're going aanndd you seem really nice." They ended their sentence with a toothy grin before their gaze drifted towards the backpack the Valin was carrying. "What's with all the books, Mister?"

"Just call me Wander." Replied the Valin. Without turning to look at his bag he stated, "I do a lot of writing in my spare time. Nothing ground breaking, just observations of the world around me. We should continue walking."

"Okay Mister Wander."

"Just Wander, please."

"Okay Wander. I'm Raet!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you Raet. What brings you to travel this way?" Inquired Wander as he unhooked a full bottle from his side, bring it's rim to his lips.

"Welllll, my parents sent me this way with this here box. Said that if I gave to the nice people in the big tower that they'd make sure I was safe. I'm not sure why they didn't come with me when I asked." Said Raet, looking down at the box in their hands. "They told me not to open it either for some reason."

"Big tower? Oh, oh! The Spire! There are many a nice person there who I'm sure will take care of you." Wander was trying his best to not let worries show. "Come on, I'll guide you there. I am heading that way anywinds. It shouldn't too much further."

"You will!" Raet's eyes twinkled in the night's light as they looked up at Wander. "Thank you Mister Wander! Er, just Wander. Whats it like the Spire? You said they’re nice there."

"You'll just have to wait and see. I'm sure you'll like it." Wander pushed a branch out of his way, ensuring it didn't snap back to hit him the back of the head. "In fact we should be able to see it as soon we get into the clearing."

The pair continued down the path. Raet was almost skipping besides Wander, who was lost in thought. Before long they reached the clearing which made way to the Spire, a grand structure created by the Forebearers that dared to reach into the domains of gods. The sun began it's ascent over the horizon, leaving a shadow that seemingly stretched eternally away.

"That's it, we're almost there." Wander proclaimed before looking down to Raet, who was rubbing their eye with the sleeve of they shirt. "You look tired. Do you think you can walk the rest of the way?"

"Hmm? Ya, I can walk the rest of the way." Mumbled Raet as they shuffled their feet towards the Spire, eventually tripping over themself and falling to the dirt. Wander stopped beside them and waited for them to get up, bringing his hand up from his side in preparation. Eventually Raet pushed them self up from the dirt, pulling the box which fell not far from their hands towards them before looking up towards Wander. "Could you... could you carry me? My legs are sore."

"Of course." Answered Wander as he leaned down to pick them up, the various trinkets and baubles on his bags clinking together in the process. As he propped them up on his shoulders he could feel them lean against the back of his head, their little heart slowing as they became comfortable. "Alright. Not much further before we are in the outer parts of Spire, then we can find you somewhere to rest."

"That sounds good." Raet sighed, their box tucked under their arm.

[the-firebird69]

Briggs & Stratton is a special motor and it's designed to withstand some back drag with the lawn mower you go backwards a lot I mean every day the way he's saying to sync them is probably right because it's not a scientific motor it won't sink easily and even if you do you really have to equalize it with a special transmission which is too expensive so I did what he said and you put the two Briggs and Stratton on the same shaft and you adjust the throttles you got to do that every so often usually you just make sure it's at the same throw length and then you keep them both as clean and I'll tell you what this is a great idea it works when you're at speed the motors want to get along I don't know why he said he doesn't know why either it's because of the design of his father the Jeep is similar and it's hard to stall out and Arnie used to sync motors and it has forgiveness and if you miss it it starts over again kind of and I'll tell you what this is the way to do it after time we'll have New motors but we'll figure out how to make it work better or not it might just work and you have to super cool them they get hot kind of easy but this this is a great idea we can work on this right now and we can have these motors working today and in good fashion. Something make a small chassis you can buy it's not a go-kart it's a small car chassis and it is for like a mini cobra and you can buy one of those and you'd have around 50 horsepower and 65 full pounds of torque and you put gears and go around 85 miles an hour but we can make a crap load of them overnight we have millions and that's what he's been saying a simple simple car and we should keep them simple in the future there's no reason for all this gobbledy s*** and you'd be looked at as a lowbrow company but your your stuff's functional even though more solid state and that's what the cars will be mostly solid state almost everything on them and there'll be error wouldn't have air conditioning for a while the engines can't do it but he says there's a way to do that and I know how to do it you cool the air coming in you have a special jacket and a pump and we can make it makes shift air conditioning this is going to work these things work I'm getting ready and then I'm going to test it out and send it around other people who have done it you can test it out it works we have tons of these stupid motors and he told a cork we see the mountain tooling around in cars they're smaller and we think he did it he's got millions

Bg

Yes I did and it works you said you just slap it together and don't worry about it he says you're driving in a Rolls-Royce sir this is what are you talking about the engine from it and it's from a Jeep and it's my dad I don't know what happened to him so I said this I'm going to drive this thing into the ground and see what's wrong and so I did and that's what was wrong this is great I love that car now we can make tons of these and he says we can make tons of those once you're done trying to attack us no you're going to attack the Max and the pseudo empire so we can start talking about it and we can make a better sink and we are really aware of it they say so good we're going to look for it and yeah I'm starting with beer would be a good idea what if our hours low and brown it says it's his but he wants us to do it it's a good beer other beers might not be so good you have to actually Brew this one well and the guys will do it right and have you do it right and that sounds encouraging it's another approach but yeah good

A cork

I'm going ahead with Duff and I can have them make it and it occupies them theyll probably drink

Brad

I have to get involved and I'll tell you what his little kids when they're driving around you need to run this thing with the RC control and these ones would be fast and you'd have to do it for sure and you can sit there and watch them from the porch and they'll drive in the street and their electric and you can because the horsepower and if they have to go down the street with you on the evike you can do it he can try and run the RC thing but really it's it's not we can say but they got to learn to do something and this is how

Trump

We're Glad You poppers are doing this for us and fathers we need your help where kids we need to learn stuff this is a great man and he knows it he lost a lot of people and he's trying to not let it bother him but you guys are bothering him we want to learn how to do things in order to defend ourselves against those coming up from below and we're willing to do the job and he knows about it and we can do Malachi stuff

The youth trumpsters

I'm going to help and get it going

Trump

Olympus

[achillean-knight]

Sorry to bother ya, but, when does this take place?

https://www.tumblr.com/achillean-knight/738485575236124672?source=share

I'm asking cuz it's not really clear. Is this happening IRL? Or is this happening in Cassie's mind? I'm saying this because I saw another post where you told your version of events to an anon who shared plot points with you, and you said that Cassie has fully succumbed to the virus. Is this a hallucination Charlie is giving her as a chance to fight the virus back? If so, that'd be interesting.

G'day!! Ty for the ask! Not bothered at all tbh :D This is sort of a long reply but I hope that's ok.

YEAH I never truly touched upon this, huh? WELL this lil comic is happening while she's unconscious after the elevator incident (after the mimic and all that jazz.) She puts the mask on before the elevator nearly comes to its end- kinda like how one of the paths you take in the mimic chase, you arrive at the Fredbear cutout and put the mask on for some reason. I like to think it's to escape the reality of the situation and what's going on around her to calm herself down, y'know?

However, in the mask she's kinda stuck in a purgatory-like state. She can't take her mask off irl, due to being so badly hurt that she can't move, so she's stuck in this sort of dream/digital purgatory where Charlie's spirit resides.

You remember the FNAF 3 minigames, where you can find hints and secrets to get yourself the happiest day minigame? I like to think Charlie's spirit can enter digital realms like that, as she is pretty much manifest at the end of the happiest day minigame where you see the sprite with the puppet mask give cake to the Golden Freddy kid.

Along with that, in Help Wanted 2, you can find the nightmarionne plush in a variety of minigames, the lobby and even Princess Quest 2, so I took all that and made a Haven for Charlie to reside. It also represents the tree with the graves you see in Pizzaria Simulator + the tree you see in one of the FNAF 3 minigames :> (I forgot which one, I think it's BB?)

But yeah, after that little side tangent (I'm sorry, I rlly wanted to explain that too HSHSHSHSB) it's a place for Charlie to protect the MCI, and she decides to take the chance to protect Cassie aswell, to prevent the chance of the Glitchtrap virus taking over while she's unconscious. What happens after is... Well, I'm not sure BSBSVSVSVCSCS

I'm still plotting the story out, but I want to go the 'Cassie becomes the next Vanny' sort of route, because like alot of my AU, I'm incredibly inspired by a sort of theory? Plot idea? I saw in a video (which also inspired the different head for the Blob SBBSSB) I should really link all the videos that got me coming up with ideas for folks to look though, huh?

ANYWAYS, SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS, I love discussing ideas and such for my AU!! So thank you again for the ask 🛐 If I missed anything, or you have question, lmk!! I'm down to answer!

Also, this comic, the puppet one, takes place a fair bit into the AU. I created it BC I was too impatient to wait to get up to this part JSHSBSBAV I'll HOPEFULLY illustrate the situation better when the comic catches up!

[what-dat-ritalin-do]

#1 (Originally Recorded 8th November, 2003)

Wednesday, 8th Nov 2023.

9:35 AM

Psychiatric help is expensive

I went for my first psychiatry session today. I was about an hour long and it was mostly evaluative. Dr. J said I might have Asperger's as well (as ADHD). After taking into account Ayd's diagnosed mild autism and Gold's very possible autism, he said I have some mild traits, but not enough for a full-blown diagnosis. Either I've gotten a little better at condensing my Life Story™  or he's just really good at knowing what to ask. Probably the latter.

He set me up with Ritalin

3 x 10 mg tablets

Taken every morning with or after breakfast

For 1 month

He said I might experience some heart palpitations and suppressed appetite, so I'm going to eat a bit before I try it. He also said that it may be addictive. So I'll take it with precaution. He did say he hasn't had any problems yet, though.

He also suggested I let S know we should start doing full CBT in our sessions.

5:43 PM

Because the session was at 8 AM, I'm very hungry, but the food at the place I'm in isn't too nutritionally balanced. So I'll eat enough to stay satisfied, then do some groceries. I'll have a balanced meal at home, and then try it. I will update then.

It has been approximately 3 hours and 25 minutes since I took my first dose of Ritalin.

I went on a grocery store run after my last entry and only reached home in the afternoon. I had lunch consisting of the following:

Rice

Fried chicken

Sambal

Cucumbers

Fried tofu

Fried tempeh

Peanut sauce

Chocolate cake ball

Not the most well-balanced meal, but at least it covers all the bases. I took the medication with water

10 mg Ritalin x 3

The medication started to effect about 5 minutes after taking it. As expected, I was told it would be fast. For about 10 minutes, I felt an intense uptick in blood circulation. I could feel blood circulating in my veins. I could hear blood pumping in my head. It was like getting stuck in an ocean current, swept away by a strong, uncontrollable force.

And all of a sudden, it was quiet.

I can hear the blood in my body

And the "current" came back. And the chest pains started. For the next couple of hours, I experienced, consistently, waves of an intense rush of blood flow followed by an equally brief period of complete lucid control. I will describe the states:

A. "Current"/Flurry State

My hands shake involuntarily

Periodic chest pains (ranging from slight to sharp)

Sharp back pain

Occasionally lose focus in vision

Instability (difficulty getting up), loss of balance

Dizzyness

B. Clear State

Enhanced ability to make decisions.

-> I am not frozen/caught in between wanting to do two things at once. I just pick one thing and do it. I clear things (eg: Rubbish) immediately. I don't need to "reason with myself".

Mental clarity to accept some of my tasks are not feasible.

-> Related to 1(B), I can quickly evaluate the tasks I want to completely and choose which one is easiest to complete. Immediate execution.

It is now 6:46 PM. According to Dr. J, the effects of the medication should be wearing off. He said they would last for about 4 hours. I can feel myself coming down from the rush. I can feel a low, restless hum rising but I think it will pass soon. I will return tomorrow with another log.

My thoughts get faster. I am able to structure my thoughts more easily to the point where I could visualize myself presenting them to an audience. I have not felt this way in years.

-> I spent a whole hour documenting my experience and detailing my mental health journey to my friends in our group chat. For once, it was easy to structure my words. I didn't have to draft them out in my Notes app first to make sure it made sense. My messages were coherent as I was typing them out.

-> It felt like my thoughts moved faster than my body. My handwriting feels messier, more rushed. I'm writing like I'm afraid my thoughts will fly away if I don't capture them right now. Even when trying to speak my thoughts, it feels like my mouth can't enunciate the amount of words that want to come out at the speed I want it to. My breath can't keep up with my phrasing.