#I'm going to be a lot less active but I'll try to at least make four posts per week

[making-mcyts-drown]

Im curious. How does it feel to drown them all? To feel their life and essence leave as they perish.

It's quite the experience to be honest, a difficult to put into words but I would say that it is amusing... Plus it serves as a ritual, makes me more powerful.

[crippleprophet]

let me open by saying I Know How This Sounds (fem whose undergraduate chemistry professor recommended ze take turmeric to cure zyr arthritis, etc) so no hard feelings if you keep scrolling, but hopefully folks who know me know i'm speaking honestly about my experiences, even if those don't end up being the same for other people. so!

2 Tbsp of a common kitchen spice is doing as much or more to manage my ME/CFS as any of my meds or self-medicating drugs

@lakeeffectbitch outlines a way of trying this with a control in their reddit post (link); i just went directly to the one they thought might work so i'll put my experiences & the science/theory behind this under a cut for folks who want to avoid potential placebo effect :)

i'll get more specific about this in the "spoilers" but please be aware, especially folks with diabetes or other blood sugar conditions, that this substance may cause a blood sugar drop. it's less likely at this dose but probably keep a sugary snack on hand just in case

if you experience post-exertional malaise & want to try this but don't have spare money to spend on spices feel free to dm me & i'll see if i can help!

my experience:

i took 2 Tbsp ground sumac mixed with warm water on February 11. i tried taking it with a straw first because that's what my colonoscopy prep had said would make that go down easier but because the sumac particles were so big they didn't want to remain suspended & trying to get them in the straw was difficult, which then made it harder to swallow without, yknow, noticing that you're slurping down sediment

what worked better was getting the powder wet, putting a big clump of it on my tongue, then swallowing it with water like a pill

within about half an hour of taking the sumac it was like my fatigue just faded around me where i stood. it dissolved to the background & when i thought "oh i want to do this" or "i should do that" suddenly i found myself just doing it. i had spent the past week at least bedridden except for the bathroom, & though i took the sumac on a better day, i'd been planning to return to bed with a snack after taking it.

instead, i made myself lunch, and i sat on the couch to eat it. all of this was without taking an edible that day; usually i've gotta take at least 25mg delta 8 + 25mg cbd to even consider sitting on the couch. also, it was storming.

from my write-up the day of: "everything felt very sharp & clear & lucid." i washed the dishes from my lunch. all of these activities were about 2 hours, & at that point i emphatically needed a nap. waking up felt like after taking a muscle relaxer & sleeping: my muscles were more relaxed, & my whole body felt like it'd gotten a bit of a break

i've taken sumac at least 8 times since then on at least 5 different days (this time by modifying this sumac tart recipe to include a lot of sumac powder in the crust, which has been much more enjoyable than the Glass O' Sediment lmao) & adjusting for factors like weather, the effect has been comparable every time:

i watched Inception on the couch with my husband, & understood when she explained things to me

i watched leverage on the couch all day when it was below freezing

i worked a bit on fanfics i've barely been able to touch in a year

i "meal prepped" measuring spices, gathering ingredients, & soaking beans to make beans & rice in the instant pot later that day. i literally can't remember the last time i was able to use my instant pot, after thinking about it i think it was when i made palak paneer last summer, but that was a one-off special occasion thing, i've used it maybe 3 other times since developing ME

i wrote this post

the science:

okay a lot of this shit was over my head before i developed ME so i'm gonna be summarizing at my level lol, look to @lakeeffectbitch for a higher-level analysis

but what i do know! (all images from "The malic acid inhibiting inflammation in ankylosing spondylitis by interfering M1 macrophage polarization" by Ji et al., January 2025)

sumac contains high levels of malic acid, which is found in certain fruits (apples, peaches, etc)

the drugs.com page classifies malic acid as an inactive ingredient, so there are no known drug interactions

mice with ankylosing spondylitis had lower levels of peripheral malic acid than control mice

ID: bar graph showing mice with AS had about 0.03 micromoles per milliliter of peripheral malic acid, compared to the control mice level of over 0.2 micromoles per milliliter. the difference is labeled significant via asterisks. end ID

mice with higher malic acid concentrations had lower ESR and CRP (inflammation markers)

ID: two graphs showing lines with a downward slope. the top graph, ESR versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6802, 95% confidence interval =-0.8843 – -0.2578, p=-0.0053. the graph shows ESR, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. the bottom graph, CRP versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6068, 95% confidence interval =-0.8537 – -0.1371, p=-0.0165. the graph shows CRP, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. end ID

mice treated with malic acid had lower levels of TNF-alpha than the mice with untreated ankylosing spondylitis. humira & similar biologics that treat autoimmune diseases are TNF-alpha blockers

ID: a bar graph of relative mRNA expression of TNF-alpha. M0, the control mice, has a relative expression of 1. M1, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis that did not receive treatment, has a relative expression of slightly less than 4.5. M1+MA, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis who received the malic acid treatment, has a relative expression slightly less than 3. this indicates that the mice treated with malic acid had lower expression of TNF-alpha than the untreated mice. asterisks between M0 and M1 and between M1 and M1+MA indicate significance. end ID

the mitochondrial function of M2 macrophages in mice treated with malic acid "was significantly enhanced"

analysis of the mice's spinal tissue blew my fucking socks off. trying not to jump to conclusions & i know journal articles are full of errors but that looks potentially disease-modifying.

ID: a 5x3 presentation of samples of mouse spinal tissue. the control mice, which are healthy, have thick, undamaged, glowing tissue. the mice with ankylosing spondylitis have thin, curved, cracked-looking tissue. the mice treated with celecoxib, a common prescription NSAID for arthritis, appear very similar to the untreated mice. the mice treated with 250mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue in between the untreated and healthy appearances; the tissue is "glowing" like the healthy tissue but still narrower and curved, although less so than the untreated tissue. the mice treated with 500mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue which looks even closer to the healthy appearance, with less curvature than the other treatment groups. end ID

since i started drafting this post i've started taking these malic acid supplements from Nature's Life – the full dose made me feel weird including some heartburn so i cut the capsules & take roughly 2/3 – 3/4 of it at a time (i drop the rest into a spare pill jar to make more doses from). it's been similarly effective for me

please be aware that the supplement instructions say to only take it once a day, i haven't had any issues but everybody is different & this avenue is definitely under-researched! (the mice were given 250mg/kg per day which for me would be like 27 grams but i am not a mouse lol)

[grison-in-space]

I'm genuinely sorry, I was really tired and couldn't think of the word that mad pride movements use. I'm new to all of this. I thought you would be more open to it because you've reblogged from radical leftists (anarchists and communists both) within the past couple of weeks and they're all for Veganism afaik. The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different. I'm not spamming people with it, but I was inspired by an ask by a nonvegan and started asking popular bloggers why they weren't vegan to open up conversation and potentially change people's views on animals. If I've made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, though I admit I'm really confused by your standpoint. You do know that the only reason communism hasn't succeeded is because of America? Anyway, sorry again, I'm also autistic and I didn't mean to dismiss your legitimate dietary needs. Can I recommend acti-vegan's posts? While I understand that you can't go vegan, perhaps their blog will at least help you understand our points, they're much more well-written than my asks and they have plenty of legitimate science resources at hand. Thanks for listening, I'll take your advice into account. I'm not trying to not listen, it's just frustrating because so many people say they get it but they don't change, and if they truly got it they would, you know?

Okay, I get that you didn't mean to be offensive, and fuck knows I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to forgetting specific words. (This happens to me fairly frequently; it's a thing.)

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

So yesterday I actually wrote out and then deleted a whole paragraph to the effect of "part of my deep, deep frustration with animal rights activism hooks into my commitment to the phrase 'nothing about us without us,' because I frequently see the same kinds of emotional projection without making the effort to listen to animals on their own terms from animal rights activism groups."

The first thing I need to make clear to you is that this--veganism and animal rights activism (ARA) more generally--is not new to me. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never had a job of any kind that did not revolve around animals in some way, I've spent time in rescue spaces and vets and universities, I'm queer and I have spent most of my life in leftish progressive circles, so it's kind of hard to miss.

Essentially, you are proselytizing to me as if you were a newly baptized evangelical convinced I had never heard of Jesus, because if only I had heard and understood his holy word, I would be converted instantly to his light! It's not any less irritating when the belief system isn't explicitly a religion.

More under the cut, because this one is long.

Disclaimer one: Veganism isn't synonymous with ARA ideology, but it's deeply entangled with it, and ARA ideology drives the movement of veganism as a (theoretically non-religious) ethical decision. And I object very strongly to the framework imposed by ARA activists. When I say I am not vegan, I am saying that I have considered the ethical framework that underpins veganism as an ethics movement and I have deliberately rejected it.

The second piece of context you should know that when I talk about being a behavioral ecologist, I mean that I'm a researcher who works on animals and that my framework is rooted in trying to understand animals in their own natural ecological context, without necessarily comparing them to humans. There's a lot of ways to study animal behavior you might run into, including attempts to understand universal principles of behavior that transcend species (animal cognition) and attempts to understand how to better treat animals in human care (animal welfare). You know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an ethologist (the field that gave rise to behavioral ecology, also focused on animals within their species context) who worked on animal welfare (finding ways to make slaughterhouses less stressful to livestock, among other things).

Third point: my profession also means is that I work directly with animals--in my case, currently mice--and that I do not think research with animal subjects is wrong as long as all efforts are made to ensure maximal welfare and enrichment for the animals involved. This is another major bone of contention politically between my entire field and ARA groups, and you should know that I have also spent my entire professional career under the shadow of, well, people who care strongly enough about those ideas to invade my workspace and potentially seize my animals and "free" them into a world they do not have the tools to survive in.

So there's where I am coming from. Let's get back to what you're saying. Here, I'll quote again in case you have the same crappy short-term memory I do.

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

Point the first: Even within humans, I don't think that all brains should be treated the exact same. Especially in a disability context! After all, what is an accommodation if not an agreement to treat someone differently because they need certain things to access a space? Accommodations by definition fly in the face of this "treating everyone the same" understanding of fairness. I think all (human) brains are equally valuable, and I think all brains are worthy of respect, but I do not think that it's wise or kind of me to assert that everyone should be treated in the same way. For one thing, I teach students. If there's one thing teaching has taught me, it's that a good teacher is constantly assessing and adjusting their instruction to meet students where they're at, identify failures of understanding, and keep the attention of the classroom.

Point the second: animals do have different brains from humans. That does not mean that animals are inferior, but it does mean that they are alien. There's a philosophy paper, Nagel, What Does It Mean to Be a Bat, that you might find illuminating on this front. Essentially, the point of the paper is that animals have their own experiences and sensory umwelts that differ profoundly enough from humans' that we cannot know what it is like to be a different species without experiencing life as one, and therefore we must be terribly careful not to project our own realities onto theirs. That is, our imagination cannot tell us what a bat values and what it experiences. That is why we have to use careful evidence to understand what an animal is thinking, without relying on our ability to identify with and comprehend that animal. I have watched ARA groups deliberately encourage people to shut their reasoning brains off and emotionally identify themselves with animals without considering within-species context for twenty years. This is a mainstream tactic. It is not an isolated event and for that reason alone I would be opposed to them.

Point the third: there is a definite tendency in lots of people to care deeply and intensely about both animals and people who are seen as "lesser" in status--children, poor people, disabled people, etc--just as long as those groups never contradict the good feelings that come from the helper's own assessment of themselves and their actions. In humans, when the "needy" point out that some forms of help are actually harmful, the backlash is often swift and vicious. This is why animals are such an appealing target of support and intervention. They can't speak back and say "in fact, you are projecting my love of this frilly pink tutu onto me, and I think it's uncomfortable and prevents me from walking." They can't say "I kind of like it better when I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car, actually?"

(By the way: this is also why it's offensive to compare disabled people to animals, because this is generally done at least in part to silence the voices of disabled people speaking for our selves and our communities. We have access to language, and we use it, thank you.)

All forms of animal welfare intervention going right back to the founding of the first RSPCA have been incredibly prone to being hijacked by classist, racist, and otherwise bigoted impulses. This is because animals offer an innocent face for defense that conveniently cannot criticize the actions taken by their champions, and they therefore provide a great excuse for actions taken against marginalized members of human society. Think about the very first campaign the RSPCA ever did, which was banning using dogs as draft animals: a use that is not inherently harmful to dogs, which many dogs actively enjoy, but also one that was specifically used by poor Londoners and which in fact immediately resulted in a great butchery of the dogs that Londoners could no longer afford to feed rather than allowing poor people and their dogs to continue working together. No one was, of course, challenging the particular uses of dogs or any other animal favored by the wealthy. This kind of thing is so, so, so common. Obviously it doesn't mean that all interventions to prioritize animal welfare are inherently bigoted, but it does mean that we have to be critical about our choice of challenges.

On top of everything, the animal rights activist movement's obsession with "exploitation" is a function of the idea that humans are sinful or otherwise Bad in how we interact with animals by definition. For example, take the chicken rescue near me that is so obsessed with the possibility that some human somewhere might benefit from an animal in their care that they implant every hen they adopt out with hormonal implants such that the hens no longer lay eggs--a function that is normally a natural byproduct of a chicken's reproductive system, fertilized or not. A mutualistic relationship involves both parties benefiting, and that is the case for an awful lot of human relationships with animals. In general, the idea that associating with animals is a thing that can only harm animals rather than being a trade between two species to enrich one another is all over these groups. It's just so myopically focused on human shame that it prevents practical interventions that might benefit everyone, and often promotes interventions that don't directly benefit animals but sure do make humans miserable. For example, this kind of thinking is why groups like PETA are absolutely awful at effectively rescuing unwanted dogs and cats: they think pets living in "bondage" with humans are an essentially sad outcome, rather than one that might be mutually enjoyed by all parties.

I'm tired and my meds haven't kicked in, so I'm not currently going to handle the communism thing except to point out that while the US absolutely did destabilize a number of leftist regimes in South America and Africa, Russia and China between them have certainly not treated their own people kindly, either (and more so their own client-nations, as with the former members of the USSR). Please do some reading about the Holodomor and Lysenko in Russia (and frankly all of the details of Stalin's regime) and the Cultural Revolution in China in particular. Khmer Rouge might be worth looking into, too. I am not saying the US's hands are clean, you understand, because they are not; they're as steeped in red as anyone else's. What I am saying is that for people living on the ground, communist revolutions have this nasty habit of turning into bloodbaths and arbitrary slaughters. Do not let your distaste for the US's bloodsoaked imperialism (which, yes, is and was bad) let you fall into the trap of becoming a tankie.

And if you don't know what a tankie is, you really, really should take some time to learn.

[rivalswrites]

Hi okay what if Iron Fist was dating a guy who is very affectionate :3

Iron Fist w/an affectionate boyfriend

Before you read, please be warned that I'm writing based on my impressions of them not only in the game (though it's the biggest inspiration), but some of them with the movies/shows in mind too.

I had to pull up Lin Lie’s Wikipedia page for this, obviously I'm a fake fan (⁠･⁠ω･⁠;⁠)

OMLLL y'all are feeding me too much w/these requests AND I'M THE ONE WRITING EHEHE

Scheduling this to post on Sunday because I'll be busy all weekend and school is starting back up after!!

Masterlist

Affection probably isn't something Lin is too familiar with, but not deprived of. He had a lot of love growing up, seeing as he was able to survive as a normal person up until college until life took a turn. After he received his sword, he didn't have much time to think about it- much less when he had worked to become the Iron Fist.

But again, he wasn't deprived of it. Plenty of his friends were decently affectionate, as much as friends should be. He never minded, but then you came along and the definition of affection changed for him. It went from just people giving him some kind of small gesture of their friendship to a whole other level- something he couldn't describe, a different level of love he didn't really know.

Obviously, he doesn't mind at all, he even encourages it. Never has he ever told you to not touch him, he loves it- and you- too much to try and stop anything of the sorts. And of course, you also enjoy it- because your beefcake of a boyfriend is basically allowing you to crawl all over him 24/7 with no issue; it's everyone's dream come true.

One of his favorite times to receive affection is during free time, no interruptions allowed. He just sits on a recliner or the couch and does some sort of puzzle (extremely difficult ones you've probably never seen before, and you will sit behind him uncomfortably and lean on his back. Just pure dead weight on his back, arms around his neck and head on his- watching without a clue as he worked away with no issue.

And it becomes a pattern, he's just chilling around somewhere and you crawl all over him and put him in a chokehold! (Affectionately) He loves it, your weight on him in any way is great. It's a consistent calm, like it becomes such a calm for him that HE'LL sometimes look for your affection.

But he doesn't say he wants affection, no, he's stubborn about it. He finds you and, no matter what you're doing, will grab your hand and will proceed to lay on your arm and shoulder. Usually you get the hint, but if you want to mess with him go ahead and ignore his advances, he'll scowl and slowly drop more of his weight onto you until you both fall to the ground because he is HUGE (lovingly, even if you're strong- he's stronger).

Casual affection and PDA, such as hand holding, kissing, and all the other stuff is perfectly fine with him- kiss and hold away. Though if you smother him in public he'll for sure get flustered, especially if it's around friends- at least one person will tease him for it and he knows it.

Really enjoys when you cuddle up to him, especially during the winter. Due to all his muscle and constant physical activity he just naturally started running hot, so he's the perfect heater whenever you need it. Your cold feet will be warmer and he won't mind, because it's physical touch from his lovely boyfriend.

Overall: he loves it, and absolutely doesn't mind it. Cling to him like a koala and he would go into battle like that, for he'd rather die than make you let him go.

[ozzgin]

I’m so so so so so sorry, I know it says that your asks are closed, please feel free to delete this

I know that you write a lot more suggestive nsfw-ish stuff, but do you have any more wholesome or just silly writings without that? I love your work, yes, just curious, and I want to see how your writing style works with different themes

-🦐(sorry if I’m a little rude)

The ask is definitely not rude, so I do apologize in advance; I'm not upset, nor is this directed at you specifically, but this reminds me a little of a thought I have, and I don't know how to explain it otherwise.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes, some questions translate to me as "I sporadically read only your popular content that people prefer/ your most recent posts and I didn't find X" while there's plenty of masterlists with older or less known works that fit exactly those criteria, yet they don't seem to count for some reason.

A lot of my content is SFW and silly, because that's what I write comfortably. As a matter of fact, it's an active task for me to write smut. Sometimes I'll allude to it or briefly mention it just because people like it, but I've ultimately accepted that I am someone who prefers humorous romance regardless of how well it is received.

Most of the Yandere Yakuza chapters don't contain anything lewd. Hell, the Yokai Harem series doesn't even have proper romance yet. Yandere School is a completely SFW parody. Yandere Senpai, Yandere Con Artist, Yandere Cat Cowboy are all silly parodies. Ghost Wizard is SFW and humorous. Yandere Prince is maybe cheeky, but ultimately a SFW slapstick comedy. Clumsy Yandere is a parody, and so are subsequent characters like Lazy Yandere.

For monsters, there's Aka Manto. Hammerhead Shark Hybrid is just one wholesome exchange. Delinquent Fairy is mainly a romcom. Zzy's intro chapter is entirely SFW, save for his crass humor. The Yandere Demon King two-part is an entirely SFW romcom, and it has wholesome or funny spinoffs to it. The Rent-A-Monster series has several wholesome SFW parts, like the emotional support monster and service vampire. The human adoption agency has pastry chef monster and seamster monster. Eldritch God x Detective reader is meant to be silly. The Haunted House series is SFW and a parody. Monster Afterlife is SFW and more of an implied romcom.

This is already a significant percentage of my masterlist, and I didn't even count the stories that are SFW but horror or more serious in tone. I could be wrong, of course, but I personally think that my writing is at least minimally varied and swings frequently between smut, humor, and horror. I obviously can't repost these works every week to remind people of their existence, it's up to you to check the masterlist and find something to your liking.

So, yeah. I know you didn't mean it like that, but whenever people go "do you also write X besides Y" or "have you ever written Z", it kind of makes me feel like said person has skipped over all collected works, lists and links, and expects me to search it for them. Gosh, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm pointing fingers or scolding anyone. As I said earlier, it's not something that upsets me, like, "hop in the ring, you damn ruffian". Maybe a very minor inconvenience.

[2kverrr]

SAM GIDDINGS || Dating Headcanons

UNTIL DAWN || 2k Words

sam had 0 time for drama, especially including that of her own friends'. And being one of emily davis' closest friends basically encased your life in her drama.

you didn't feel as close with sam as you were with the group. but you felt most drawn to her, her maturity, her nurture, her kindness. more or less everything your friends lacked.

she's kickass, not scared to put someone in their place, something you never quite found the confidence to do.

she hates fishing, loves gardening, tolerates publicly accessible nature reserves, enjoys outdoor activities, despises zoos and you're not so sure how you know all of this.

you doubt she knows a single thing about you. it's weird - you can be friends with the top dogs and have some sort of silly superiority over people, yet nobody really knows you.

you and sam had spoken numerous times before, each you could remember were rather enjoyable. the two of you got on really well, but it was rare either of you could get any time alone

that was until you were approximately 4 weeks away from winter break.

"for fuck's sake em, just call him." you groan, your left hand massaging the bridge of your nose, but the girl straight out refused aggressively shoving her hands onto her hips and socking her head, yelling, "how many times do i have to tell you. i? am. not. wanting. i. am. wanted. a girl like me doesn't chase after people, they cha-" "emily i'm going to leave you with your problem, since it is yours, not mine. see you at lunch." and with that, you head out of the girls' bathroom and out into the busy corridor.

you catch a glimpse of sam leaning against a locker, scrolling through her phone. There’s an ease in her posture that draws you in despite the weight of your worries - well emily's. “hey, everything okay?” sam looks up, her hazel eyes sharp and assessing. it’s both intimidating and comforting at the same time. you take a breath, trying to shake off the frustration of the last few minutes. “just another day in the life of emily,” you say with a half-hearted chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood. sam arches an eyebrow, not buying the attempt at humour.

"mike? is she still hung up over him?" she asks, her voice laced with understanding. you nod, with a deep sigh and an eye roll. "well, at least you're not like that, that's what I like about you." but you're too caught up in staring at her moving mouth to actually respond, before you know it she's waving her hand in front of your face, "huh- sorry, what were you saying?" she giggles, picking up the books from her locker and beginning to make her leave, "I'll see you around."

that interaction definitely stuck with you, or maybe it didn't, but the fact that you continued to think about it for the rest of the day is a big giveaway.

you're almost certain the corner of your eye spotted a suspicious emily briefly witness the interaction and watch you stare giddings down as she walked away, but that's a conversation for later.

after that talk with the blonde, you both found yourselves in more situations on your own, bumping into each other in the hallway, finding yourselves bored at parties, fixing your makeup in the bathroom mirror and seeing a certain hazel-eyes blonde behind you.

the week of receiving the message from josh, you and sam became really close, almost replacing emily in some way. besides, emily was now happily married off to matt, a sweet boy, not the sharpest tool in the box though.

you'd manage to persuade her to let you give her a lift to josh's mountain getaway, despite her refusal she ended up in your passenger seat feeding you mints as you drive.

you get out of your car and begin to lug bags out, placing them on the floor, sam is busy checking out her surroundings quite contently. but she swiftly turns around to face you, "hey, i wanted to tell you something," you raise your head curiously along with a quirked eyebrow, "i know we've been hanging out a lot lately," she continued, her voice dropping to a more conspiratorial tone. "but it feels different, doesn't it? like, we've really clicked, and I really like it - so please expect me to follow you around like a puppy dog... i still can't look at all the guys the same after last year." her eyebrows furrow. you sigh softly, the gears in your mind turning as you contemplated her words, "i get it sam, i like it too," you smirk, ", now am i taking both of our bags up or are you gonna' lend a hand?" she chuckles, her tension breaking as a playful glimmer replaces her earlier seriousness. "ugh - i really thought i'd get away with that." "i'll take them up for you. just lead the way," you nod, "this place really freaks me out."

settling in was a bit of a cofuffle, sam bagsied our rooms and had already called dibs on a bath.

you'd barely made it up the mountain with yours and her bags before she'd waltzed in, beckoning you to hurry up. don't even start on the wall you had to hop.

"guys, guys, hold your horses. we can't get comfy yet - generators, boilers and locks. i've sent mike and jess off to the generator outdoors, em and matt are... um- somewhere," josh takes a long scan for the couple that weren't present, ", right! sam's bath, boiler's downstairs, switch it on then you can have your beloved bath." she firmly places her hands on her hips and tilts her head, "you think i know how to work those kin-" you're quick to cut her off, "i'll go, can't be that hard." shrugging your shoulders. "that's the spirit, amigo!" the dark-haired boy cheers, fussing up your hair. of course sam's protests began, and again you managed to butt in. "look, i know what i'm doing, trust me.” you say, trying to keep the tension in the room from rising. “it should be pretty straightforward. i'll check for the spark plug first—if it’s clean, just give it a gentle pull. worst-case, i might have to troubleshoot a bit more," there's a bit of a silence, confusion mostly, "yeah, um- my dad's a plumber.” you didn't exactly understand half the words you'd just said but if it gave you a chance at impressing sam, it was so worth it. she slowly smiles, "impressive..." biting her lip, looking you up and down with newfound admiration. "who knew you had all these hidden talents?" she teases, eyes sparkling with mischief. "maybe you can teach me a thing or two about plumbing after this bath fiasco." the playful banter felt like a breath of fresh air amidst the clamour of everyone scurrying around and arguing, and you couldn’t help but swell with pride. “alright, let’s see if I can live up to the expectation,” you reply, trying to sound more confident than you felt. josh looks between the two of you, a devious grin slowly forming on my face, "is this- oh wow. this- this is great!" he turns around, presumably going to find chris and ash, you do the same, not at all looking forward to seeing this 20 year boiler in all it's glory.

fortunately, the boiler hadn't frozen over completely.

the basement was eerie enough, never mind all of the creepy shit happening around you: screams, shouts, smashes. something wasn't right.

like any stereotypical horror movie, you walk right into the danger to find out what was going on."

and as always, you were right. josh's basement was fucked up, led to some sort of mine, where you soon found a battered and bruised mike, stumbling his way through the caved area. his ankle didn't look so good, but he didn't complain

the next half hour you were trying to navigate your way, the poor guy was traumatised, jess had disappeared, dead or alive? not a single clue.

there's apparently somebody or something out there with her and they're in the mines, you're baffled to say the least, but you stayed put.

all until a scream was heard, female, it was far yet so close.

"mike! what was that noise?" the two of you pause your movements, and prick your heads up, faint cries could be heard and the occasional, "anyone! help!" you knew that voice, almost naturally you race over the source of the noise, struggling to find a door, "where's jess? is it her? oh, please say it's her." mike whiles up against the wall while you attempt to barge your way in. "sam! i'm here, mike too. i'm coming in." “almost there!” you shout back to mike, who is still positioned by the flimsy beam of light your flashlights provide. he looks torn between helping you and staying on guard, eyes darting nervously around the oppressive shadows. the urgency in your efforts intensifies, and you feel your fingers digging into the rough surface of the door. it shifts slightly, just enough to give you hope, and with one last shove, it creaks open. you stumble inside, breathless, and immediately the air feels thicker, charged with an unsettling energy. "fuck sam! what the fuck happened?" the girl was tied up in a chair, nothing but a towel. whoever did this must've been fucked in the head, sick. you take a cautious step forward, your eyes zeroing in on the girl’s wide, terrified gaze. “you’re alright now,” you whisper reassuringly, though your own insides are knotting up at the sight. "oh my god, you're here... i- he chased me! th- then-" the blonde leans forwards into you once you complete untying her ankle bounds, sore red marks forming over her pale skin. her arms completely wrap around you, she's freezing. sliding off your hoodie and body warmer, you begin to wrap them around the girl. "-sam, it's okay. you can explain everything later. you safe now we-" but before you can finish your sentence, the girl leans in, connecting your lips in a kiss, short and sweet due to their being a third presence in the room. as your lips part, you both freeze, momentarily caught off guard by the sudden surge of intimacy in the midst of chaos. sam's eyes are wide with surprise, glistening with unshed tears, but there’s a flicker of gratitude behind her fear. you clear your throat, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks, but the urgency of the situation quickly pulls you back to reality. "i thought you were dead, y/n.”

after all police interrogation had been completed, those who survived were wasting away. josh dead. matt dead. jess dead. sam and yourself isolated yourselves from the rest.

after sam almost sacrificed herself to save you, you made an oath to yourself that you're forever indebted to her.

you were in love - even amongst the sick and twisted events that you two had to go through.

you both didn't go out as much anymore, your previous party-girl lifestyle completely left behind.

instead you both settled on movie nights or cooking sessions.

you immediately expanded her music taste, she's a great girl but her music taste could definitely do with some improving.

rock climbing dates, kayaking, surfing (which you absolutely smashed - sam could barely stand up on the bored)

sam always managed to convince you to go camping with her, bribing you with all sorts, despite your hatred for bugs.

she's the most peaceful sleeper, she looks like and angel when fast asleep. you're both early birds, which meant you really enjoy spening the morning in bed just admiring one another.

every month or so you'll pay a visit to the friends you lost together, paying respects. hell even josh - sam calls him mentally ill, whereas you call him batshit crazy. but he was your friend, one of our closest, you're still unsure to this day why you were apart of his cruel game but you couldn't keep dwelling on the past so you came to forgive him.

it's even rare to see the friends that made it out alive, you knew chris and ash moved away together, forgetting all that had happened. the last you heard off of mike was "i'm igniting some old flames - definitely going for drinks soon?"

it'd been 3 months and you never went to see him.

you and sam assumed that old flame is emily, your once best friend who you hadn't spoken to since before the disaster.

[oonajaeadira]

where you been, adira?

Yes, I've been on here at least once a day just to scroll and take a few breaths, because it's... been a time.

I AM JOEL MILLER I'm currently working on a show that opens tonight. Hence the little extra breathing time this afternoong. (Normally I'm at the theater 4 hours a night, but the show is only 75 minutes, so I get a little more time to myself from here on out.) The SO and I are both in it though (it's his company), so it's nice to spend time with him on a project we both love.

It's a devised, modern retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, but set in 50s/60s Appalachia. There are no sets or props, we make everything with our bodies, including the 4-part harmony shape note singing and a few mountain folk songs I have to carry. It's a lot of physical work, but it's a beautiful show.

Red is a girl that grows up in a small mountain town. She has no parents, so spends time rotating between caretakers, and is told that her place is to stay at home and not go into the woods with the woodsmen. But she loves the woods and when she's a teenager, one of her adoptive fathers makes a move to assault her and she runs away into the woods.

There she meets a solitary woman (me), a grouchy root worker/conjurer with a past of her own (it's revealed that she had a daughter about Red's age that wandered off into the woods and died out there). The two have trouble getting along at first, but they end up healing each other.

I was explaining this to @grogusmum on a polo the other day and she said she basically said it out loud at the same time I did.... "so I'm/you're basically Joel."

Not me finding inspiration in the damnedest of places.

My costume, no lie, includes a green plaid flannel. With the sleeves rolled up.

.

MY HEART NEEDS FIXING I often get heart flip-flops, extra beats, that kind of thing. I went to a cardiologist about 6 or 7 years ago once when it went on for a whole week and they took an ultrasound and basically told me "less caffeine, more sleep, more exercise."

It still comes and goes, but clears up on its own.

Until this January.

When it lasted a whole month.

So I went to my doctor. They took blood and ran all the tests. They hooked me up on machines and slapped a 24/7 monitor on me. When the monitor results came back, I got a message from my doctor: "Go to Emergency Services. Today."

I spent that day, that night, and then next day in the ER, and @feathersandfoxtails can attest, that place is a little crazy, but ultimately everyone's really nice and took good care of me. I must have talked to 30 different doctors, RNs, residents, learning teams, including at least 5 cardiologists. I had 2 EKGs, 2 ultrasounds, a stress test, 5 different blood draws from an IV, and was monitored all night (you try sleeping when your blood pressure cuff goes off once an hour). And this week, baby had her first MRI, which I actually found rather relaxing.

The diagnosis is that I am not in any immediate danger of attack or failure, my pump is good and my heart structure is normal and healthy.

What I have is bad wiring that sends extra signals. It's probably been there from birth and is now just coming to light. So I'm on medication to keep my adrenaline low (so I don't faint--low possibility, but they're just being cautious) until mid-April. Then they're gonna go into my heart and burn away those bad wires. It's endoscopic (and I'l be awake on the table????), so I'll most likely be in and out in a 12 hour span. (They have to wait until my show closes because of the physical activity.)

Weirdly, I'm not stressed out about it. Everyone's been very kind and responsive, and I trust my care team explicitly. Modern medicine is fascinating and amazing; I am in good hands.

.

ALL THE OTHER STUFFINS ...is not exciting. It's onboarding this year's batch of 90+ artists to help produce all of their shows. It's reading 48 show proposal applications in a week's deadline and winnowing them down to 1/4 of that to help another organization to produce. It's writing 2 high-stakes recommendations for colleagues that are highly worthy of the fellowships they're applying for. Both the SO and I are in "show mode" which means the cleaning doesn't get done and the dog is often lonely so the house is a mess and Gordy is a bit more anxious than usual.

It will get easier after this weekend.

.

WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND TUMBLR It's heavy stuff out here. I want to iterate that I'm reading everything and I care very deeply and want to support. The last couple of weeks have been a lot. Forgive me if I need to process and don't have the energy to engage right at this moment. I love and support you all so much.

.

WRITING I'm officially on a writing break for a bit. I thought maybe I could catch some moments, but once I landed in the ER and we ran out of time in tech to do line work I said, nope, Adira, you rest. Rest so you can be ready when Joel comes back around...which will be the day after you step out of his shoes onstage and turn it over to P on the telly.

There's a lot to be excited for. And a lot more time to fandom around.

Give me a second and let me catch my (literal and metaphorical) breath. I'll come back around soon.

<3

[physics-of-one-piece]

Okay, I wanna get sth off my chest.

It's about Discord, and why I can't join any OP fandom Discord (yet). I will one day. For now, I think I'd be a bit overwhelmed if I do join.

First thing I want all my mutuals, followers and everyone to know is that everyone here is amazing. Genuinely. You all are awesome.

I can't join Discord for OP fandom yet because of the bad experiences in another Discord in another fandom. They weren't FULL BLOWN bad experiences, but damn, did they make me annoyed.

In short, my friends from that fandom watch One Piece. And they were great and supportive, and we have a thread for One Piece in that Discord server for ourselves. Those friends did not spoil anything for me.

And then I got to Dressrosa, and I typed a lot about Doflamingo cus I loved him more and more.

But my friends... They hate him. Okay, that's fine, I can ignore that. Surely if I respect that they hate him, they can respect that I like him?

(the answer to them for that was no)

They were like "just wait till you see Law's backstory with him, you'll hate him then" etc etc. And that was fine, okay.

Saw Dressrosa Takeover, saw Law's backstory. I mean, yeah, that shit is dark, but what do you expect? It's Doflamingo.

They wanted me to hate him. And after that, after I didn't hate him, but liked him even more, with every damn time I wrote something I consider awesome from Doflamingo, they switched to insulting the character I like.

I never go insulting characters they like, but god they kept doing it for Doflamingo. I got tired of it and just stopped talking about One Piece overall with them. Even with fics I wrote in the "writing thread" they nitpicked them, said "that wouldn't work like that, etc etc" and just... Killing the fun of it? Like... What the fuck.

I want to make clear, these were individuals. Other people were cool with it and ENCOURAGED it.

And of course every time I go "I love Doffy" these individuals come up with an insult for him. So yeah, I dipped. They couldn't respect my like for a character and not be at least considerate enough not to talk shit about him. At first, fine, but it started getting overbearing and fckn annoying. Like, a lot.

I hate plenty OP characters but I would never, EVER think of if I see someone enjoy that character of bashing that character, little less on their thread/Discord/tumblr blog. It would NEVER even cross my mind. Why the hell would I want to do that to someone? Hell, I'd ENCOURAGE them to continue enjoying what they enjoy. Bcs if a character makes you happy, and makes it fun, then why tf would I ever try to ruin that for someone?

It just makes me sick how these individuals (who I still consider friends, I don't think they genuinely meant it to come off as them trying to police me or anything, they said it was getting annoying but like he's one of my fav characters of course I'll talk about him a lot that's what you do with favourite characters they don't go on a rant if I rave about Luffy or Law or Cora) were actively commenting how I shouldn't like this character like it would make me like him less?

Sorry I like interesting, evil, demonic character with an iconic laugh and who is one of the top five antagonists in the most popular manga and was in Top 20 characters in the popularity poll? Like... Wtf.

Anyway, yeah... That's the reason I made this blog (there were 100% other reasons like being a nerd and calculating One Piece things 🤣). I needed a safe space to simp over Doflamingo, the Donquixote Family, Dressrosa and everything. And I'm genuinely so happy to have met fellow Doffy fans on here.

You all are great. Thank you for making this a safe space for me and for enjoying and encouraging my Doffy insanity, and for writing and drawing such amazing fics and art of Doffy and everyone else from Dressrosa.

I feel weightless on this blog, free to enjoy the Heavenly Demon and simp for him and discuss him as much as I want with everyone giving their thoughts and encouraging it.

I'm FREE.

I'll join those Discords one day. Thank you all for keeping the invites open.

[diy-languages]

Free Korean Learning Courses! : Part 1

-> These are some free resources I used or heard about a lot to learn Korean and what they include, there's probably way more! I'll make more parts in the future. There's also ratings and pesonal notes about each one, but again they're 'personal' so it might not be the same for everyone! That's why you should always try it yourself first.

-> These resources are or were fully free when I used them, if anything changed and they're no longer free I do not take any responsibility for possible accidental purchases, I recommend to always check first before processing with it.

Here we go:

GoodJobKorean — Full free Hangul Course, 12 Lessons, Videos (with pronunciation, etc) + Pdf Practice sheets (with some vocabulary) + Quizes to see if you understood each lesson.

Rating: 100/10 I tried and loved it, easy to understand and explained nicely. Really useful for beginners learning hangul!

A/N: You may have to rebuy it after a month (not sure because I finished it in less then a month and never logged back in) but It's still free (if not you can always just make another account to get it free again)

GoldenKeyKorean: Free Hangul course, pronunciation + 2H long master course (advanced and basic levels) with 2 pdf books

Rating: I personally did not try this one, but I'm pretty sure it's fully free (at least that's what I've seen), but he often does limited editions/limited time special free courses so it's better to check if the offer is still active and follow his instagram for future updates and courses.

Now Korean Class: Fully free 9 Korean courses with different levels (1-9) with multiple videos for each, explains sentence structures, grammar, counters, numbers, and way more.

Rating: 100/10, It really is free, multiple levels, sooo many different things to learn I absolutely loved it!!

A/N: You just have to rebuy it after a month but I'm pretty sure it's still free (if not you can always just make another account to get it free again). I recently lost acess to it, idk why I think my phone is lagging... It tells me something went wrong to try again later, lol, just in case some content changed etc I wouldn't know.

Koldoristudy: 3 different Free Korean PDF study sheets, 1 Hangul, 1 Vocabulary and 1 winter study, includes Grammar, stroke order guides and syllable blocks,

Rating: 10/10 Loved it, I thought it would be just some pdf files to boringly write hangul/words but It's actually way more! it explains grammar and some useful language rules!

Talk to me in korean: Multiple free podcasts on different platforms + PDF with grammar and vocabulary explained for different levels of learners, 7 days free trial with possible cancelation

Rating: 9/10 It's really good, I'm just not a big fan of podcasts as I have a short attention spawn LOL. I personally didn't try the 7-days free trial but they do have LOTS of different lessons and videos that seem to be amazing and useful.

A/N: personally I find their website really confusing, to make things easier you can try things like just typing "Talk To me In korean (Pdf level _)" on google and the first link should be the free pdf file, etc etc.

Loescen Learn Korean Website: Free Interactive web-based learning, important vocabulary, pronunciation beginner to intermediate level, basic conversation courses and dialogues

Rating: 8/10, so good!! It surprised me, I just wish it went more in deep about things like sentence structures and grammar instead of blindly learning dialogue lines or words without breaking them into steps for deeper understanding of the language.

A/N: works for other languages too!!

Live Lingua: Multiple free ebooks and audio files lessons, grammar, vocabulary, hangul, etc, beginner to advanced,

Rating: 9/10 Covers up a lot of different things like I said, grammar, vocabulary, etc etc, but AGAIN each course covers many subjects and it quickly feels heavy and too long/complicated/takes too much time (personally for me, as an individual with ADHD)

How to study korean: LOTS of grammar and vocabulary, beginners to advanced, multiple lessons, linked YT videos to reinforce lessons, PDFs, etc

Rating: 100/10 explains really well, SO MUCH STUFF, different levels, it's really awesome! Lessons are available in multiple languages and not just English!! However again I find it a bit intimidating as it really has LOTS of things to learn which make it seem hard and heavy...

A/N: Personally I find the website complicated to navigate 😭 just type "how to study korean lesson _" for easier access if you want and It should be the top results

Udemy TOPIK grammar through 100 patters: TOPIK vocabulary, grammar and conversations, 100 grammatical patters koreans use a lot

Rating: 8/10 really good, well explained, but again personally it feels pretty heavy and long, videos in Korean with English subtitles, however there are no English subtitles for "example sentences" which sucks, you need to know some basic vocabulary to really understand the example sentences used there.

Tomi Korean: Free PDF with 430 basic korean vocabulary (words, verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc) with audio files, free PDF Worksheet for hangul learning

Rating: 8/0 Love it, really nice for useful vocabulary but you'll have to willingly study the words cause the pdf only makes you write it once and it's really just Korean-English translations, but it has images so its good for visual learners too! Personally I also found it takes a lot of storage to download everything lol.

A/N: I did not check the hangul worksheet as I can already write and read hangul but little personal opinion/tip; I think GoodJobKorean is the best option to learn Hangul here, specially compared to this one. Yes I did not try this Hangul Worksheet but I believe GoodJobKorean offers more variated content and help (videos, quizes, etc) than what a PDF sheet has to offer, that's my opinion.

That's all so far!

Many of these courses have social media accounts where they post different content and tricks to learn, I'll be making a post about those in the future too!!

If anything changed since I first used these resources or if there's any misinformation in this post, please let me know!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for planning to go to a convention without my partner even though we usually go together?

My partner (21 NB) and I usually always attend different conventions around our area together. We like to dress up in costumes, get pics with celebrity guests, and go to panels and meet-ups and all the fun convention activities together. The problem is.... this past year has been really hard for them mental health wise, and it has kind of sucked the fun out of going to conventions for both of us.

They have diagnosed ADHD and anxiety/depression, as well as what we think is autism, but they are undiagnosed. If I thought they were having a good time attending conventions, I would worry less, but the crowds of people and the noise overstimulates them and they've told me that they feel unsettled with that that many strangers around. They've had a range of minor to major panic attacks at each of the conventions that we've attended for the past year or so.

I usually try to be really supportive of their mental health. They have come a long, long way from the deep depression they were in back in high school, and they have worked hard to get their ADHD recognized and properly medicated, and I'm really proud of them. I have anxiety myself, so I feel like I understand at least a little bit of what they are typically dealing with, in a small way.

However, I also absolutely adore going to conventions. I convince myself every morning to get up and go to work by telling myself that "I'm working to fund my next cosplay," or whatever. A little self-motivation, you know. Costumes and conventions are my biggest hobby. Though I attend multiple conventions, every one is different in its own way, so it feels like it only comes once a year.

And this is where I might be a bit of an AH. I know my partner can't control their mental health, but I feel like I miss out on a lot of the convention whenever they have a panic attack or get overstimulated and I have to sit with them until they feel better. And yes, I know that sounds really bad, and I should care about my partner's well-being more than seeing a panel or a celebrity guest, but conventions are my "once a year getaway" from reality and typical life and all that. I don't really take any other vacations, and I don't really get to interact with any other nerds/geeks/weebs/lovely fandom people except at conventions because my anxiety is mostly social anxiety, and talking to people is hard and social media is intimidating.

So.... I did some thinking, and there are two, maybe three conventions that I'm planning to attend this next year without my partner. I'm not planning on telling them that I'm going without them, I was just planning on not mentioning it at all. I think if I tell them outright that I'm going without them, they'll take it personally and I don't want to upset them. If they ask for a reason that we're not going, I can just say it's financial, which isn't exactly a lie, because I did take a pay cut at work not too long ago. And my partner doesn't work due to their mental health, so I always fund or costumes and tickets and hotels. But I don't want to give that reason outright either, because I don't want to lie unless I have to.

There are two or three other conventions that we go to yearly that we'll still go to together, so I feel like they'll still get to attend and we'll get to go together, but I'll also have my "alone time" at the other conventions and get to do things I don't usually get to do, like late-night events.

If it's worth anything, my therapist supports my idea, because she thinks it'll force me out of my shell a little bit, and force me to stop using my partner as a "social crutch" if I go alone, making it like exposure therapy for my social anxiety.

So tumblr... AITA for wanting to go to a couple of conventions without my partner due to their mental health and my fear of missing out?

What are these acronyms?

[panelshowsource]

my girl was on the brink of disassociating ⚰️⚰️ LMAO i can't believe how long she lasted — she was the dark horse imo!! PROUD OF U HARRIET

eeeee i got this question a few times and it's so hard to choose!

this series had more or less exclusively big, mainstream comedians, and since they're all in a similar tier of activity (mostly television work) they've worked together a lot before and clearly know each other outside of the show. obviously there are a few exceptions but it was pretty clear how close a lot of them are irl. that makes for the best combination of people imo—you want at least some people who are either friends already and know how to get each other, or a lot of people who at least are fans of each other's comedy so they'll be susceptible to laughing. in my opinion, one stranger having to learn what makes another stranger laugh isn't as engaging — especially in 6 30-minute episodes — as people who, right off the bat, want to laugh just from looking at each other. because that's so cute!

that makes me think it's important to cast a group with these dynamics, which is why i see why you'd choose people who are friends already like ed and james. if it were up to me hmmmm well i said this before but i think a james vs rhod would be iconic, so if we were going that route sprinkling in a few frends like jess knappett, ed gamble, john kearns, alex horne, rose matafeo, rosie jones, and/or sam campbell would be the way forward imo. i also love the idea of jon richardson (who is gigglier than a lot of people realise) vs russell howard, and jon is good buddies with alex, which is cute too hehe what about paul foot? he's hilarious just to look at let alone to talk to. natasia vs jamie demetriou? jamie is also so good at making hilarious faces

i'd want at least one undeniably hilarious, universally loved wildcard (like bob was this series imo), like vic reeves, johnny vegas, liza tarbuck, sally phillips, lee mack, alan carr, or (maybe ultimate picks for me) matt berry or catherine tate. limmy (PIPE DREAM), fatiha el-ghorri, and nick helm would also be agents of chaos i just know it!! and you know i want to see my girl jess hynes in anything i can it's so annoying she's busy being a Real And Very Talented Esteemed Actor instead of doing endless series of outsiders

since everyone loves a challenge, when you think about a few people who reeeeeally really really don't crack, who else comes to mind? maybe jack dee or jo brand lmfao

and you know when they have the extra peeps like nick, alison, and danny come on to do lil bits? i think kevin bridges specifically would be a great shout, he could crack a lot of people i'm sure of it

so i know this isn't a dream line up per say but it is my word vomit and it counts for something (ㅅ´ ˘ `) I'LL THINK ABOUT THIS SOME MORE...

i did watch the irish version and put it on my drive for you guys! it wasn't bad — i really love graham (who doesn't!!!) and the girlies were so funny & cute. it seemed like, compared to the uk version, there were a lot of BIG personalities and even big egos on the irish version. it felt a lot more competitive and focused on offense than the british version, where everyone was almost too scared of making themselves laugh to go super hard lmao there hasn't been an american version, which surprises me, but mae was on the english canadian one, and i do recognise a lot of comics on that one! i'm not sure if i'll get around to watching it (i'm trying to watch more films in my free time) but if you guys really recommend it i'd def give it a try!

hahahahahahahaha well listen... it's a show about tension and about liking each other so much you just can't help it, so i get it!

i can't help that i'm suuuuuch a joe wilkinson fan it hurt my heart that he was out so early but at the same time the fact that he is so giggly is part of what i love about him! he's really good at supporting other comics and their bits with his enthusiasm. when he had to sit on the naughty step i knew he was ruined💔🕊️ lmaooo

i thought this was a great format for daisy, too! i can't remember who said this but she is so good at asking questions/starting convos and manipulating her face while listening lmao idk i thought she killed it

there are certain comics that you KNOW other comics completely fold for and every series of this (it's a massive hit come on we knowww it's getting renewed!) needs one of those people. my vote for the next one? MATT BERRY

hehe yes can do!

thanks cutie ♡(˃͈ ˂͈ )

—

➜ FAQ, where to watch, and more ➜ https://ko-fi.com/panelshowsource

[macgyvermedical]

In regards to mental health and routines post, do you have any suggestions on how to start increasing those habits. This last year, I've been having similar issues and I know I need to work on doing my hygiene routine more, but am struggling to start. Do you have any advice? Please and thank you!

Maybe.

So I'll start by saying that I am not working for money due to mental health problems at this time. This makes it so my spoon allotment is skewed in my favor when it comes to personal care. If I were working, my personal care progress would be a lot slower going.

Also, my experience with personal care problems are a result of living with schizoaffective disorder. Some of the things I do might resonate, some might not. Your Mileage May Vary, and all that. That's why I'm saying "I do a thing" instead of "you should do a thing" with the language in this post.

Next, I honestly don't love the term "habit" because it implies that eventually after doing something for a long time it becomes easy. Might be a thing. Personally I've never experienced it. I have the same resistance to showering I had 4 years ago when I stopped doing it more than about once a week. But now I just have the spoons to trick myself into doing it every other day.

So on to some things I do that might help:

I fill up my day as much as possible. I try for lower spoons activities that have some kind of imposed structure. This gives the personal care a specific place in my day, and gives me a reason to do the personal care if the activity is around other people. Some ideas:

Clubhouse International. Many cities in the US and Europe (as well as some other places) have an in-person chapter of Clubhouse. Clubhouse is a free work-ordered day program, which means it provides a low-stress, workplace-like environment to go to every day.

Volunteering

Free online courses such as those offered by Harvard. These can be up to a semester long and are paced from 2-20 hours of work a week.

I think about things in terms of problem solving. I don't plan to take a shower every day. But I do plan to get up and ask myself if my hair is uncomfortably greasy (I can find an uncomfortable problem like this for just about every personal care action). If I decide yes (which happens every other day about), I then get to problem solve.

Problem solving here is an exciting alternative to just planning to shower every day whether I need to or not. I get to come up with a solution (which might be a shower, or it might be a baseball cap, or it might be a quick wash in the sink (I have short hair)).

Then, and here is the key part, no planning ahead. I have to do the solution right then before I can think about it too much. Or I have to wait until I forget it and then remember it again, which is not as reliable.

I figure out when I naturally want to do a thing. This has been particularly helpful in working out. Turns out, working out in the morning is not for me. I'd rather not get out of bed at all than get up and work out.

But after dinner? When I have all that nice energy from all the glucose available to my muscle cells? I feel a lot better about working out. Plus, I usually don't have as much to do at that time.

This just makes it easier to say "yes" to a workout. I still have to sneak up on myself by planting workout supplies (shorts, a yoga mat, and a gallon milk jug filled with water I use as a weight) and knowing what workout I'm going to do ahead of time (it's the same one every day until I get bored or it gets too easy).

I track my "streaks". I have a calendar with a key that has different symbols for each personal care task. I have brushed my teeth at least once per day for the last 58 days. I have averaged showering every other day in that time. The last three weeks? I've averaged 5 workouts a week.

The more I have put in, the less I want to screw things up. Sometimes I get out of bed after laying down at night to brush my teeth just to keep the streak going, but it's better than not brushing at all.

I compromise. I used to think if I wasn't doing a thing the best way possible, I shouldn't do it at all. But here's the secret: something is genuinely better than nothing. I often have to compromise with my brain "I'll only do half the workout" or "I'll wash my hair instead of showering". And you know what? At the end of the day I got more personal care done than if I didn't compromise.

The ability to do things also just naturally waxes and wanes. Sometimes compromising keeps things going through the tougher times. Keeping track of things like when I'm compromising a lot helps me help make decisions about my care.

I hope this was helpful!

[lunar-years]

Okay. Let's talk Jamie and Roy getting beers and being idiots.

I know we are all still processing that whirlwind of a finale. I'm understanding that a lot of people hate the Roy & Jamie scene because it is 1) backslide-y (true) 2) they treat Keeley like a prize to be won (true) and 3) it's OOC (I actually disagree with this one, but I can understand why it's complicated). I want to start off by saying I completely see where this opinion is coming from and I respect everyone who just hates the scene because it shows normally kind characters being very unkind to each other etc. This is less me arguing against that as it is me trying to articulate (at great length, sorry) why it not only worked for me, but I genuinely liked it.

I like to think I strike a balance between loving everything the show has done and hating overwhelmingly on a show I claim to enjoy, but sure, you could definitely argue that I'm just giving my favorite characters the benefit of the doubt, or making excuses for them, because they're my favorite characters. I'll admit I'm historically very forgiving of all the main characters' many fuck-ups on Ted Lasso, but that's because I think the show works best when it emphasizes how kindness, forgiveness, friendship and love can still operate between imperfect, flawed people. I like seeing them make realistic mistakes much more than I like everyone handling everything perfectly, I'll bite.

So, back to Jamie and Roy. I enjoyed their finale plot because despite them making a world of mistakes, the regression felt very, very human. I don't agree at all with the take that this somehow erased all the progress they've made this season or the friendship the show has lovingly crafted between them. In fact, I think this actively reiterated it! (Note: I am operating with my ot3 goggles on at all times, so I'm going to write this with that at least partially in mind, but I think the gist of it works even if you ignore the bits that get a little shippy.)

For both Jamie and Roy, Keeley and their love for her is a major beacon guiding them. I think that is the crisp, clear thing in both of their heads this episode: Keeley is the love of my life. And they both believe that wholeheartedly, and they both want to be with her. (and it's goofy to pretend this came out of nowhere for Jamie/since when is Jamie still in love with her/etc. because he literally told her and us this last season and nothing that has happened since has indicated otherwise, btw.) But there's also something else now, which is their relationship with each other, battling with their Keeley thoughts. It's like, in Roy's head, for instance, I imagine there are two wolves: on the one hand he loves Keeley, and wants to be with her, and plans to win back her heart. On the other hand, there's his love and care for Jamie Tartt, which is much less defined and inarticulate and maybe still a little repressed, but just as overpowering. His love for Keeley feels so simple and clear in comparison, while his love for Jamie is something complicated and unsure, and in this episode, he's leaning hard into the first to avoid unpacking the second.

So Roy starts off strong. He sees Jamie with Keeley in the hallway and he doesn't flip out!! Instead, he approaches Jamie calmly, and invites him out for beers. Think about how different this is from his reaction to Jamie's love confession to Keeley in season 2. This is Roy's growth in action, and it's a resounding sign of just how important Jamie is to Roy now. Even when he is feeling jealous of the woman he loves potentially leaving him behind for a man he loves (a completely natural reaction, let's be so real, if not a "good" one), he also knows that for as much as he wants to be with Keeley, he doesn't want to lose his friendship with Jamie.

As for Jamie, I know some people took his reaction and subsequent response to Nate's question as like, shock at the realization that he and Roy are actually friends now, which I agree is something that had to have come earlier in the timeline (what was Mom City if not that) and would seem very out of place at this point. What I saw it as instead was Jamie's brain more just. sort of short-circuiting? Because: holy shit isn't this the best day ever? First Keeley agreed to go to Brazil with me and now Roy is asking me on a date for beers? this is so sound. This invite is out of place behavior from Roy even within the parameters of their friendship, because they still have a match to win and Roy has banned Jamie from beers as part of his training and despite them being close now I find it hard to believe that Roy often comes up to him right there in dressing room to ask him to grab a beer with no pretense.

Therefore, they're already walking into that bar in completely different head-spaces. Jamie isn't planning to discuss Keeley, and for Roy that is his major intention behind the evening. Jamie is nervous and downing his beer, and Roy is internally panicking, I'm imagining, over when and how to bring Keeley up. I think Roy is thinking: Well, I don't intend to stop pursuing Keeley, I genuinely don't want Jamie's feelings to be hurt when I get back together with her (and yes, it is a huge presumption for him to assume Keeley's going to eventually take him back. But I think it's also an understandable one), so I've got to tell Jamie I care about him, and that I'm going to keep going after Keeley, and he needs to be okay with that so that this won't get in the way of our friendship, which I also desperately need and am unwilling to give up. In his mind, Jamie is of course going to accept all of this, because Roy and Keeley are soulmates, which Jamie will clearly recognize deep down because it is so obvious and right and anyway, Jamie always does what Roy tells him to do (again, this is all misguided thinking. But we can see how Roy's anxious little brain that's bad at processing feelings and holding space for emotions could get himself here, can't we?).

So again, we start off strong with Roy saying he's proud of Jamie and them both thanking one another. But then Roy's blurting out nonsense about how Jamie just needs to pull himself out of the running and just let Roy be with Keeley. Which is obviously not on. And Jamie responds, simply, with No. I'd argue this is also a huge step for Jamie. Jamie really doesn't tell Roy no anymore, he doesn't tell anyone no. Jamie has spent so much of his time since coming back to Richmond working to be the person everyone around him wants and expects him to be. This is him fighting for something he wants for once, doing what is best for him. It was a fabulous progression to see. In the moment, boy does it work Roy up, because why is Jamie not agreeing with me, Jamie always agrees with me? but obviously at this point, Jamie is in the right. His relationship with Keeley was no less meaningful than Roy's just because Roy says it was, Roy doesn't have any claim on her, and there's no real reason Jamie should not try and shoot his shot with Keeley if Roy is going to do the same.

Here's where things start to spiral. Established flaws we know about Roy: he's competitive. He's bad at voicing his feelings productively. And he is territorial about the people he loves, a category that safely includes both Jamie and Keeley at this point in time, for better and sometimes worse. Yes, his next actions are grossly possessive over Keeley, yes Roy has made a lot of effort over the past year to do and be better than that, to break free of that cycle. But look, it's not a linear process. He's going to still mess up, and he does here. In fact he's downright mean, weaponizing Keeley against Jamie and throwing having sex with Keeley a month ago into Jamie's face, bragging about it, boasting. Same old cycle, same old patterns of ego-driven, prideful mistakes.

Which promptly prompts Jamie to also fuck up by bringing up the leak. It's a concentrated response intended to get a suitable rise out of Roy, because Roy has really, genuinely hurt him here, and Jamie knows bringing up that video is the one thing that will hurt Roy just as much in turn. It's not the right thing to do, obviously, but again, it's such a human thing to do. Hurt the person who's hurt you right back, even if you're hurting someone else (Keeley) by extension. Mind you, Jamie came here expecting a hangout (/date) with Roy over a rare beer, and instead he got Roy being a complete asshole and lecturing nonsense at him out of seemingly nowhere. He reacts to this change-up, well, not greatly. There is something so messy and emotionally complicated happening here and it hinges on how very much Jamie and Roy care about each other, not negates it.

Keeley, queen that she is, rejects them both out of hand and kicks them out not the curb immediately because they're both being complete idiots, acting like they're so gracious in giving her the honor and privilege of choosing between them. Not to mention they've clearly got something going on between them they haven't worked through and that sure as shit isn't her problem, is it? Keeley (presumably, and I wish we had seen this) calls them out their shit and tosses them right back out the door.

Which leaves Jamie and Roy to lament how they've let their egos get away from them, they've been idiots (which they acknowledge immediately) and decide that now they should go for kebabs, presumably to actually hangout this time, not to interrupt themselves with inflated talk about who "deserves" Keeley more. They both screwed up, they acknowledge it, and all they can do is try again tomorrow, and in the meantime, go on that kebab date.

I guess....I can just see where both of them are coming from? it's not mature behavior, obviously, it's maybe not what we would have liked to have seen from them in the finale episode of the show. But it was regression that I didn't feel impeded their overall progress. Roy in particular was being a complete dick about it, but that's why the very next morning he's finally knocking on the Diamond Dogs' door. And honestly, that conversation was heartbreaking. When Roy admitted he'd expected, after a year of putting in the work, to be a whole new person...god. This is a man who still completely hates himself, to the point where he can't quite grasp that he can be better where he's at now, that he doesn't have to transform magically into someone new in order to do right by himself and others. And so he has to consciously determine, once again, to do better, be better.

The message is: change isn't linear, you're going to fuck-up, and fall back into old patterns. What matters is trying every day to do better together, and be better for one another, than you were the day before. That is the meeting point all three sides of the royjamiekeeley triangle were heading towards by the end of the episode.

So yes, it was rushed, because no one gets much screen time in a finale (and the overarching issue with this season anyway is god awful pacing. The last three episodes could've easily been the second half of the season, while the first half of the season was stretched out and largely extraneous). And yes, I would've liked a more thoughtful follow-up conversation between Roy and Keeley or all three of them. My biggest issue was that we didn't get to hear Keeley's voice hardly at all. I would at the very least have liked to have seen her setting them straight at her kitchen table, because turning both of them down signifies very important growth in her, too, and I would've liked exploring that more explicitly. So it wasn't perfect. But I still liked it, I really did.

[cha-melodius]

2024 Fic Year in Review

My fifth fic year in review! It's always wild to go back and look at how far I've come. As always, feel free to grab this if you want to do your own; I've stitched it together over the years. And thank you to everyone who read my fics this year, whether it was one or all of them.

2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023

AO3 Username: chamel My Page: Link Active Fandoms: Red, White & Royal Blue: 14 works Loki: 3 works The Man from UNCLE (2015): 1 work New Fandoms: The Pairing (CMQ novel; 1 work) Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count This Year: 23 works, 303k words All Time: 135 works, 1.57 million words

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Trying My Patience (Try Pink Carnations) (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 9.4k) All Time: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos):  This Year: False Dichotomy (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 62k) All Time: Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood  (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 20k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2024, A Royally Big Bang, Lokius Reverse Bang, idk do what you want exchange

More reflections, stats, and planned fics below the cut!

Additional Random AO3 Stats

By number of fics: 79% one shots, 21% multi-chaps

By word count: 69% multi-chaps (nice), 31% one shots

Ratings by number of fics: 48% E-rated, 26% M-rated, 26% T-rated

Musical artists contributing highest number of titles: spread out this year, but Wilco, Metric & Sufjan Stevens came in with 2 each

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?  I was wrong in my 2024 roundup post—I wrote 25k more words this year despite having 10 fewer fics. Which I did NOT expect. I figured I was trucking along to make my usual ~270k, but I forgot about The Secret Fics lol.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  I think I have to go with Body and Soul(mate), which I'm just so so proud of. I love how it came out and I think it's really original.

Did you complete your writing goals from last year?  The Goal: My goal is to have a similar mix of fics as least year, and also to write my first collaboration with @cricketnationrise, which will be a long multichap. First part, pretty close. I wrote more multichaps (21% vs 15%) this year, which meant fewer fics in total. Second part, oops. Cricket and I have both been busy, but the hockey fic lives!! We'll get to it eventually!

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? I can't believe I'm gonna say this but... write more original fiction. See below for more on that. Fanfic wise... finally finish some of the planned stories I've had kicking around for a while.

Did you take any writing risks this year? I submitted a pitch for an anthology, was accepted, and wrote my first original story! I had a lot of fun with it and I think I'll purse more next year. Idk if I'm ready for a whole novel and trying to get (more) published, but we'll see.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Even though it's numbers have come up since publishing, I'm still gonna go with The Impossible Soul, aka my Westworld-esque android/human AU.

Most fun story to write: Probably Body and Soul(mate). Figuring out all the body swaps and soulmate lore was a lot of fun and the whole thing just flowed so well.

Biggest disappointment: Why do I keep this question? I hate complaining publicly. 😂 My biggest disappointment is that I sometimes let fandom drama/trends/popularity make me feel bad. Being mad because a fandom loves X type of fic doesn't help anyone.

Biggest surprise: I'm not sure I really had any big surprises this year. Biggest surprise in my stats was that my percent of explicit works is way up—T used to be my most-used rating. Part of that is publishing fewer one-shots, since those tend to be T for me, whereas a long fic is more likely to be E.

Coming soon/planned for 2024: It's a little depressing how so many of these are the same as last year. Hence the resolution above, I guess.

Kissed Out (RWRB pro-pool players AU)

RWRB 1940s noir AU

RWRB conductor/piano soloist AU

RWRB Jurassic Park AU

RWRB rodeo rider/polo player AU

RWRB hockey AU (with cricket)

A shitload of prompts from my fandom fest

Extremely delinquent MTH fics

TMFU art thief/gallery owner AU

Thanks to folks who tagged me in their year in review posts, including @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @kiwiana-writes, and @porcelainmortal

[pancake404]

Positives of Eeveelution Squad

You know what? Today, I decided to have a character assassination of my typical self filled with horror and negativity. Instead of focusing on every flaw of a discontinued comic, I will spread some positivity(or at least I'll try, as there isn't much in this world I can't talk bad about). I'm going to list off things I like about Eeveelution Squad.

The Artstyle

I am no professional in art or in art styles, but I think some of us generally can agree that one of the best portions of Eeveelution Squad is the art style. It's really good, and it gives a neat, cute cartoon vibe. The way the characters are drawn, the details in the eyes, and the colors are nice to look at.

The Eeveelutions are the best examples which make sense since they're the main cast and EV would draw them more often than others. Of course, they're already distinct because it's Pokemon, and they were already designed that way, but the way EV draws is iconic to me; it's quickly recognizable even if you see it years later.

2. The More or Less Diverse Main Cast

As much as some of us crap on the potential each character had, things characters should've been called out for but never was, and the admittedly lack of character interactions between some of cast, I'd say that at the very least, the main Eeveelution Squad have at least a recognizable and diverse cast of characters. Some, of course, are handled better than others, but if you take all of them and make them all genderless Eeevees, they're different enough from each other where by their personalities and ways they behave with others, it is easy to distinct them. Speed is the dense, older sibling-like Eevee, Black is the reserved and rational one, Silvia is the energetic and teasing one that lacks the concept of physical space, etc. The only two I believe you would have a hard time with would be Leaf and Flare, as they both have an interest in gardening activities and are considered the nice siblings in their respective families. I believe Flare is described as kind but quiet, while Leaf is gentle... which a visual emphasis on that throughout the chapters would've been nice, but I'll take what I get.

Long story short, the main cast is also recognizable by their personalities, and even with some lacking more than others, their dynamics bouncing off of each other(from what we do get) is a fun experience to read and see.

3. The Genre and Story Potential

Personally, I didn't mind the darker themes and more action that the latter half of Eeveelution Squad brought. It COULD have worked however, I believe the issue was the transition from a slice-of-life to this more grim story(which half the cast isn't even part of), which I believe was done too suddenly since I think some fans demanded the change. Then, after Chapter Four, BOOM! Mythical Pokemon, missions, weird technology I still don't understand, the infected, and you get the point. Of course, like a lot of things, these ideas could've worked if it wasn't clustered confusingly together.

If it was a slice-of-life story, it would've worked well since it would've been easy to understand. There could be more time to have characters interact instead of complicated lore and fights, and overall, it could be a fun read with bits of romance, comedy, and relatability. I think it had a decent start at that even with my problems with....Lazuli.

However, just because it later turns to a darker path(or even starts with hints of it), it doesn't make it terrible. I think the different backstories and how the members of the squad start finding out about each other's hidden pasts would've also been great to see. It could've gone further with the themes of PTSD(Speed and Black), Abadonment(Lazuli and Leaf), Being Different (Axel), Not Wanting to Let Go(Pearl, Silvia, and Black), and Absent Parent(s)(Silvia, Black, Speed, Flare, Kris, and Sunshine).

I think it would've been better if Eeveelution Squad stuck with these sorts of backstories instead of the timelines and such(which again, could've possibly worked if Alan was kept around), as that made it a complicated mess. The members start knowing more about each other and getting closer would've been a nicer aim to go toward, and I believe it could've fit the darker themes yet still keep slice-of-life aspects still in the comic.

So I'd say it was a decent attempt but not near bullseye, which can be said about a lot of things about what we like and dislike about Eeveelution Squad.

4. The Extras

I'm talking about the Extra comics also made, which I really like since we see a bit more from the characters outside of the chapters, like behind the scenes of what's going on before, during, or after our view of Speed. We see Pearl get angry and defend Speed, Pearl healing Speed, Speed confesses while scared out of his mind, and Leaf turns him down(ouch...there were better fish anyway), etc.

I just think the Extras were fun to read, and we see small bits of newer sides to characters like Gai not being a creep for once and Pearl and Speed having a conversation alone together.

5. The Potential

I don't think I have to explain much, but Eeeveelution Squad had so much going for it. I know I said I wanted to be more positive in this post, but I will say it was quite a fumble.

However, this brought on fan works, fan AUs, etc. I think the allowance of fans to have their own interpretations of the story could help future creators like myself a lot in developing their own original works as sometimes, you just need a base to branch off from and I think Eeveelution Squad is a good example with seeing(with what small group there is) creative characters and versions made by the fanbase.

Overall, Eeveelution Squad is far from perfect, and it has a lot of flaws, but I also do agree when some others state that with the constant criticism we're now realizing in the comic as we look back at it, we're practically beating a dead body since the comic was discontinued years ago.

I'm fine with the small fan base there is left, and I believe that Eeveelution was a decent impact of my childhood growing up so despite the flaws, there is a special place in my heart for it.

What do you guys think? What are some positives you could think of? Do you agree? Disagree? Anything really.

[irrealisms]

now that youve started doing a bit of mcrp yourself, has this changed at all how you look at/think about or interact with lifesteal? or no?

honestly the #1 way it has changed how i watch lifesteal is that-- having played on a lower-than-10 heart count it is so much scarier to watch people playing on low hearts? the difference between ... abstractly knowing that being on low hearts is harder and scarier to play but basically used to watching people play and be fine on as few as 3 hearts, and "holy shit being on 6 hearts is Terrifying Actually"

some of this is just that i'm much worse at minecraft than most lifestealers ! but, hm, one thing this recontextualized for me to some extent was the decision to make crafted hearts in s6 only go up to 7-- for me at least, seven hearts is where i really start feeling like i have to be careful and where i notice myself having close calls and near-death experiences just in normal play if i'm not careful enough. 8 or 9 i'm still basically chilling. 6 or 7 i am going Oh This World Is Scary Actually. being on seven hearts, i feel it. i knew before playing divorcesteal that lifesteal went for that as a rule to incentivize more killing/heart trades/etc rather than ppl just being content with crafted hearts but having played with 7 hearts i feel like I Get It Now on a different level? playing on 7 hearts puts "oh i NEED more hearts" in my soul in a way that playing on 10 hearts doesn't really. this is less about "doing mcrp" really and more about "having played on a server with the lifesteal plugin" but it's still about divorcesteal changing how i see lifesteal so i'm counting it

uhhhhh. i was kinda nervous that if i actually Did mcrp i'd have different/stricter feelings on fanworks than i thought? but in fact if anything they are more permissive. every day i think about di!will's sex life and ponder various headcanons people could write about with her. i do think "i'm not Actually Famous" changes a lot but, hm, i am more confident in saying that the thing that would upset me would just be the fame and not specific fanworks or headcanons or anything?

WAIT okay i have one that is actually directly "changed how i think about lifesteal"--so as a fan sometimes i tease CCs for knowing less about the stuff they were involved in than i do, or having ~inaccurate views of or guesses about the people who they actually know and are friends with? i've done this in ~every mcrp fandom i've been into lol, and i'm not into life series directly but i saw a lot of that recently with the quizbot! but something divorcesteal has thrown into sharp relief for me is how much .... if they're playing an rp where streamsniping isn't allowed, it's actually really really incredibly hard to know things about literally anyone else. especially as someone coming in late, i haven't talked to a lot of divorcestealers on the server, i know very very little about their characters and motives and feelings and plans, and most people have reasons not to tell me or even to actively mislead me (or, even when they are trying to honestly tell me what happened, ppl might tell a ~biased version of events bc they don't know everything, or forget that i don't have various pieces of context, or...). i'm busy wrapped up in my own stuff, and they're wrapped up in their own stuff, and since i can't watch other ppl's povs i only get tiny bits and pieces of it. (also it's harder to motivate myself for large-scale vodwatching, even of streams i am allowed to watch--i'll sometimes watch vods when i have laptop/phone access but not desktop access, but often if i'm thinking about divorcesteal and motivated to do more divorcesteal stuff, i'm more likely to log on instead of watching a video about it!) so, to ccs everywhere: sorry for teasing you guys! it is, actually, way harder to know everything about a server you're a part of than a server you watch!!!