#I'm going for immortality personally. Just not dying. It's a choice you can make.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Death and the Afterlife #2

Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. There's a lot of lore; I don't know everything. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest]

Dying/Pre-Judgement | Judgements | Afterlives [WIP]

Judgements, not necessarily just Kelemvor's job: • "Go back and try again" • The False • The Faithless • The Faithfull • Why resurrection has a time limit.

So there are two schools of approach to this. We have lore where Kelemvor and the Fugue are the be-all and end-all of the beginning of the afterlife.

And then we have "that's Kelemvorite propaganda", "Kelemvor cannot actually manage to judge all of those souls, god or no", and all the death gods judge their own people:

"The time requirements of stewardship over the dead tax even [the gods of the dead], however, and [social] visits [between them] are rare." - Faiths and Pantheons

The Prince of Lies novel also stated that Cyric had no jurisdiction over demihuman souls, and he resented non-humans for it.

"Kelemvor’s clergy will tell you that Kelemvor governs the fate of all souls. However, this is (honestly believed by those who say it) church propaganda. In other words, it isn’t true; the truth is that Kelemvor can’t even keep up with judging all Faerûnian pantheon-worshipping human souls. "So, yes, the souls of nonhuman beings go to other judges and judgments, some souls get lost and “wander,” and humans who worship the Mulhorandi pantheon or other deities not of Toril encounter other judges. It seems to vary on a case-by-case basis, which really means mortals are struggling to understand the afterlife, and various faiths are attempting to provide answers which likely have more to do with reassurance and doctrine than reality." - Ed Greenwood

So if he's calling in the other death gods to handle their own people (presumably according to the standards of their own pantheons):

Sehanine Moonbow, who begins to call to elves in their reveries as they reach the end of their life, summoning them to Arvandor. -

Urogalan, the halfling guardian of the dead and Yondalla's judge and advisor. He collects the souls of dead halflings and takes them to his realm, where he sorts them out and assigns them their appropriate afterlives. -

Segojan Earthcaller is the gnomish god of the dead. -

Dumathoin is the dwarven protector of the dead. -

The Mulhorandi are literal Ancient Egyptians, although there's been some cultural divergence. Osiris judges the souls of the dead alone, and there's no mention of the weighing of the heart and such. -

Chultans believe that at the end of the maze that is life, they will exit that maze and stand before Ubtao, who will ask them to draw the map of the maze they walked. If they do it correctly, they are welcomed into the gods home to live with him in paradise. If they get it wrong they are cast out back to Toril, to wander the earth as ghosts and ghouls. (The Tabaxi - a human tribe, not the cat people - often doodle these metaphorical life mazes throughout their lives as practice and contemplation) -

I'm not sure who handles the drow, because none of the Dark Seldarine are going to tolerate any of the rest of the pantheon going anywhere near their followers' souls. Eilistraee tends to pick her followers up personally anyway. -

Null is the death god of the draconic pantheon. if you worship Tiamat you probably know him as Faluzure, the Reaver (who blesses those who have taken the most lives) and if you favour Bahamut then you probably know him as Chronepsis, the Guardian of the Lost, who guides souls to the Dragon Eyrie where they will be protected and no longer troubled by enemies and in-fighting. -

Yurtrus is the orcish god of the dead

Some souls may also have unexpected judgements:

“Kelemvor himself has been known to (for unknown reasons) pluck certain souls away from the usual fates of his judgments, to serve him. Often they end up sent back into mortal life on missions, often in bodies of a different race and/or gender than that of their previous life.” - Ed Greenwood

So, the Judgements:

Being sent back to Toril: The gods may restore a soul back to its original body.

“Sometimes, the being’s own desires or the will of a deity cause it to be ‘sent back’ to life, or stuck in undeath (e.g. a revenant) to take care of unfinished life business.”

These people have a sense about them that is noticeable to the supernaturally attuned, especially divine spellcasters and the zealous. A being is usually returned when a deity still has need of the soul's service in the mortal world. Most of the death gods don't care very much for deities creating undead this way, but what one or a few gods think of things historically matters very little as far as godly rules go. This also happens in the case of “disputes” – due to Toril being a polytheistic setting where everybody worships the entire pantheon, sometimes more than one deity has an equal claim on a soul. Usually people have a single patron god, but occasionally they have more, or happened to live their lives in line with the doctrine and aims of a different deity giving that god grounds to claim the soul suits them better. In this case the soul is resurrected and will be tested and watched carefully to see which god they’re the best match for. Some deities will also go for more traditional reincarnation, and the soul will be reborn as an infant with a new life, such as the Companions of the Hall, who were given the option to move on or be reborn again. Some physical traits and subconscious memories may carry over to the next life, and I think there are cases of people recalling who they used to be. ---

Being judged False The False are those who have made a commitment to a deity (clergy, chosen, paladins, etc), but then deliberately betrayed their god and their teachings and so the god either will or can not claim them. As they have nowhere to go, the False remain on the Fugue plane serving their sentence in the City of Justice. Their punishment is determined by how severely they have betrayed their god: it may range from horrific eternal torture that would kill a living person, to minor punishments like having menial tasks assigned to them like serving as guides or servants for beings they hate. The sentence is usually eternal, however occasionally it’s a temporary sentence and eventually “a deity” sends servants to recover the soul for resurrection and another chance at life. It isn’t specified whether this deity is the one they betrayed, or if it's a different god that has a claim on the soul but had to postpone this claim until that soul had finished serving their punishment for their broken oath. ---

Being judged Faithless The Faithless did not worship any gods and actively reject and shun them all. Some of them flat out refuse to acknowledge that the gods exist, or claim that the gods are simply powerful beings pretending at divinity (which most of the population of Toril views the same way most people view flat earthers.) If forced to pray, they went through the motions but nothing more.

Some of them are Faithless because they did not further any god’s aim in life, which is impressive: “Many gods consider mortal deeds to be worship, even if the mortal didn't intend them so.” So never trying to do anything with your life, never actually doing more than lip-service to living by, supporting and furthering morals, values and ethics you claim to care about, whatever they are, I guess. Or being so apathetic you don't bother to form any opinions or feelings on anything. In your entire life. Parents in the Realms will have their newborns blessed by priests as soon as possible and give them toys featuring the holy symbols of one of the gods in the hopes of getting them attached to it (so stuffed animals in the shape of the god’s sacred animal/s, surrounding them with certain colours and symbols etc). For an infant, lacking much comprehension of the world, these things count as being faithful.

Deathbed conversions are also valid - petitioning a god just before expiring, assuming your life choices and desires/beliefs are compatible with the deity you are petitioning, will allow them to claim your soul. Traditionally the sentence is for Faithless souls to be mortared into a wall of screaming souls (the Wall of the Faithless), where their identity is slowly and tortuously dissolved until they are absorbed into the structure and cease to exist. Faithlessness and hubris ran rampant amongst ancient empires such as the Netherese and Imaskari, who probably make up large chunks of the Wall. Myrkul came up with it during his tenure as Lord of the Dead (While controversial amongst fans, this is actually far from the worst fate one can meet in the afterlife imo.) Furthermore, demons occasionally invade from the Abyss and forcibly tear souls from the wall en-masse to take back to the Abyss. If the stolen soul was one that was of interest to a deity – who for whatever reason couldn’t claim it in judgement – they will send their servants to intercept the demon and fight it for the soul. There is talk of the Wall having been removed in 5e, but the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide still mentions it being there. ---

Being collected by your deity Being handed over to their deity, who takes them back to their home plane. Generally this is the patron deity, the deity the mortal worships most out of the pantheon and/or whose worldview, drive, ethics and etc they themselves align best with as a person.

The Fugue plane has connections to the divine realms of every god on Toril, and deities send one of their servants - celestials, fiends, undead, other petitioners - to the City of Judgement to wait for the soul and bring it to their domain.

Petitioners, by default, have no memory of their past lives and lack true individuality unless a deity intervenes to maintain their identity. Or identities, if they've been subject to reincarnation and lived more than one lifetime: elven spirits, for example, consciously maintain knowledge of all the lives they've lived while in Arvandor.

From there are a few fates, the specifics of which depend on the god:

Petitioners, without intervention, slowly lose their identity as they are continually assimilated into the plane itself and are absorbed.

Some petitioners just live in their deity's realm forever, I guess.

Some petitioners are absorbed into their deity's divine essence (I don't know whether they have any consciousness or sense-of-self within the god; if they're anything like the Bhaalspawn situation, then they are.)

Gods may convert the mortal soul into another being: fiends, celestials and etc.

Sometimes they eventually send them back to Toril to be reincarnated into a new life, or to serve certain tasks as undead.

The many ways a soul can be lost is part of the reason resurrection spells come with time limits.

"A successful resurrection heals a brain and a body, and the soul and animating spirit return to the body, the spirit linking brain and soul together to the body and “life as before” is back again."

For a successful resurrection the body (especially the brain) must exist and not be too heavily damaged (not a requirement for true resurrection) and the soul must still exist as an independent entity to be recovered. The longer a soul is gone, the higher the chance it is no longer a mortal soul, or has lost its individuality. Both the soul and the deity must also consent to the soul returning.

A resurrected person has no memory of the afterlife, or anything that happened to them from the moment they died to the moment they lived again unless a deity wills it otherwise.

[vanillasann]

His World, Your World

Pairing: Venti x gn!reader

Genre: Angst <3

Summary: He loves his nation and you just almost as much. For Mondstadt is his world and he'd do everything he could to protect it. Even if it costs his life. So when you have to choose between his death or his nation's, he begs you to choose his. But will you?

TW: Major character death (u), but nothing too graphic. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are many grammar errors! <//3

Note: I've been dying to write something since last, last, last year/? but my lazy ass is stronger than me. This draft has been in here for a year. But oh, well, at least I write something now. I've always loved 'Which would he choose? You or the world?' trope and also inspired by a fanart I saw months ago; Venti hates you because you chose him over Mondstadt, but sadly I forgot their username-.

It's not a secret for anyone to know the fact that Mondstadt is Venti's home. It won't even be an overstatement to say that Mondstadt is his world.

For him loving it oh so much; even greater than he value his own life. For it was what his friends had always been wanted. For it was what his friends had been fight for.

He loves it dearly with all of his heart. He loves the people in it; his people, his children. He loves the freedom his nation has. And for it, he'll do anything he could to protect it. Even if the cost that he must pay is his life.

What to lose? I am but an archon that has long ago left my nation anyway. They'll be just alright without me, he thinks.

There are so many words that could describe Venti. He is a God. An Archon. An immortal being. A cheerful person that is allergic to cats. A drunkard bard. But never even in his mind that he'd ever could be described as a lover.

A lover who loves his partner passionately. A lover who cares so much about his partner's well-being. A lover who will go out of his way to comfort and cheer them whenever the world gets too mean towards them. A lover who vows to his partner that he'll protect them with everything he has.

Venti knows that he's rather friendly with all his acquaintances. Yet he never thought about even the possibility of him falling in love with someone, let alone a mere mortal being, for he is an archon.

At least that's what he thought. Until he met you.

You, who make his heart thump like crazy, feels like knocking hazardly in his chest. You, who make his day a bit more brighter just by getting a thought of your voice calling his name. You, who make him smile like a drunk man even when he hasn't chugged any bottle of Diluc's dandelion wine. And you, who make him addicted of your all.

He tried to shrug it off as his form of interest towards you. Nothing big, just a little crush that will wilt over time, he thought back then. But that little crush was and is still growing wildly every time he spends his day with you. Making a flower garden that he himself can't seem to get rid of, for he has gotten fond of these feelings.

He cherished every moment he has with you, whether it's just strolling around Windrise or visiting Diluc with Kaeya. Whether it's mundane things like joking and making a fool of himself just so he can hear a chorus of your laughter he so adore or a pretty night when he asks you to join him to stargazing in Starsnatch Cliff.

He loves you so much that he even drinks wine less just so he can spend more time with you. He loves you so much that he writes songs about you so that the world knows how amazing you are that even an archon fell head over heels for you.

He loves you and his nation just almost as much; with all of his heart, with everything that he has. That he'd sacrifice anything else if it means he could keep his nation and you safe.

So when you are faced with a big choice that had to be made, he pleads- no. He begs you to choose his doom.

While Venti is a lover who yearns nothing but to spend a lifetime with you, his love, he also is Barbatos, an archon of a nation. He couldn't imagine his life if you'd choose him over his nation, his world.

He begs and cries and sobs to you while clings like you are his lifeline.

Who you are to decline his pleas?

But while you understand his position, you couldn't help but feels like he's selfish. Oh so selfish to sacrifice himself so no one would die. Because while yes, everyone might just be alright, but- what about you?

You who had loved him so much, too much in fact, that you'd choose his life over yours, even over the world, for he was yours. You who had given him everything you had and gave in to his every whim and plea every single day without fail. You, who can't even think about your life without him and his laughter.

And Mondstadt will not last that long without him anyway, you tried to justify yourself in front of a mirror silently. Blank stare at your broken state reflection.

But the flashes of his dying heart and broken scream and tear-stained face of sorrow, because he lost his nation, make your stomach churn and tighten your chest that you can't draw even shallow breath. A realization hit you; He couldn't live without his nation, and vice versa.

That much is what you need to know to make the decision. You clean yourself as much as you can and go to make it.

Underneath the sunset glow and under the tree in windrise you two stare at each other deeply with an empty smiles, trying to pretend everything is alright.

"Are you really sure about this?"

"You promise you're gonna be happy?"

"You promise you're gonna be fine without me?"

He nods at every question you throw at him, even with a trembling smile and tears that threaten to fall, he stands his ground. He answers your questions like he knows what you'll choose after his pleas and begs. Because you'd never say no to him, for you love him too much.

He'd accepted his doom. Anything for his nation to be safe and for you to continue your life, even without him.

But then why?

Why is your form slumping against him in his embrace as if you don't have any strength to even hold it anymore?

Why are you rubbing his back softly and whispering apologies for what you've done?

Why are your breathing and your heart slowly fading away despite him holding you so tight against him?

Why is he screaming your name repeatedly with uncontrollable tears that fall while he tries to shake you awake when it should have been him who won't respond to yours?

Why is he can't do anything despite him being a God, an archon, to bring you back by his side?

Why would you trade your place in his stead as a sacrifice?

Venti doesn't understand.

Or rather, he doesn't want to. For he forgot that he knows a fact.

That while Mondstadt is his world, Venti was yours.

[imageingrunge]

A needlessly thorough review of DATV so I can move on with my life:

WHAT I LIKED:

The story pacing flows better without all that open world slog from DAI I am not bombarded by 50 side quests that have no baring on anything other than rp flavor

The game is pretty, CC is nice

They gave you far more opportunities to flesh out your Rook's background than in DAI and da2 but it's not as fun has having a mini origin story from DAO

no fall damage and if u run out of a combat zone ur companions follow u too

Hossberg wetlands really remind me of dragon age awakenings and I like the way the blight looks there, it gave me a nice nostalgic feeling for the older games

WHAT I DID NOT LIKE (IN DETAIL)

Voice Acting & Dialogue

It is really hard to be invested in a game that feels the need to recap everything you just experienced from 5 minutes ago, (verging on insulting my intelligence) and the silliest part is while i do hate this I got so checked out after act 2 I needed the recap 

A lot of the dialogue and banter is just empty small talk and meaningless pleasantries that sucked the life out of me, had me longing for the days of hearing Ohgren's beer belches reverberate off the walls in the deep roads:

 Voice acting is really consistent, I hated it when you never knew how your inquisitor would sound in DAI sometimes too serious for a funny comment or like yelling at Cassandra and cullen over nothing - Rook is more consistent but it comes at a loss of personality every line is uttered in the same annoying tone that had me being like damn can he stfu already (da2 was ideal voice acting for me if they cant deliver that again just go back to a voiceless protagonist)

Me whenever my rook opened his mouth: i was getting violent on that skip button

The dialogue between rook and their companions holds it back from being enjoyable at all really- here's some examples:

Emmerich's personal quest in act 2: "I want to do this immortality rite it's a very high honor in my order but rook I might die in the process permanently, I am an orphan and afraid of dying" Rook: "You could die?!?! That's awful". In Origins you can have a conversation with Wynn about her inevitable death and respond in a manner similar to rook and Wynn teases you by saying "well i'm not going to live for ever dear" it made me smile and sad about not being able to really help her. Did not feel that way Emmerich though, Im so uninterested in him as a character my response and feelings are "old people die all the time" and then 'wait why the fuck haven't you done this immortality ritual yet instead dragging me over here to collect some flowers"

Companions & Romance

the flirt options aren't all that flirty, its just rook being nice, all the romance content seems behind a 'romance locked in' moment (that comes in so late in the game u already forgot who u were even flirting with at times) so you can't hop ur way from one bed to another before deciding on 'the forever one' (remember when I could ride the iron bull then break up and be with Cullen- I don't think that’s an option here)

The companions are all pretty forgettable, I did everyone's personal quest (with the exception of Taash tried to kill a dragon for them n failed so bad i just moved on) and forgot there was even an approval system with them or that I was supposed to pick choices for them. It felt like i was on a train going in one direction where it did not matter what I said or did to them they would be fine. It’s like I've lost and gained nothing by doing these quests. The deepest thing I learned about Emmerich is that he is a 50 yr old orphan scared of dying. And it makes me not care all that much about them beyond “I just need you to function enough to get me to the end of the game sure Taash embrace being Rivaini, yes Harding live peacefully w that Titan shit inside you idc… Lucanis..ahh what was ur issue again I forget”

I made Lucanis live peacefully with Spite (stuck as an abomination that's supposed to be as volatile as Anders & Justice) Let Emmerich become a lich and no one batted an eye. Everyone just heehee haw hawing over Emmerich's new skeleton form and I forget about spite a lot unless he comments on something i've killed. Was there supposed to be some moral quandary? to make Emmerich a lich I had to "kill off" Manfred... the walking skeleton who might as well have been a rock with a pair of googly eyes attached to him for all i care

I don’t want to help Bellara light funeral pyres in a puzzle game play style that isnt a deep message about death. I want Aveline's speech about reading her favorite book to her dying father after hawke lost thier mother.

For Neve's romance, it took the whole world falling part and everyone dying for her to kiss me for a 2 time and then pity fuck me and afterword she’s like I’m leaving don’t want to be too distracting. All these lines carry no weight like bad actors w no chemistry

jaw on the floor comparing this (first time I said "i love you" to neve)

to the first time I said it to cullen and how he treats u before the big battle

I get that she isn't lovey dovey but at 70 hrs in and 2 kisses it feels like she just dont love me </3

Combat - as a spellblade mage*

combat was this weird mix of sometimes fun sometimes a new and unique form of human torture (wydm press shift 4 times n hold down e then press V C and 2 IM ON A KEYBOARD!) Once u make it past level 20 u are immortal but ur enemies are sponges I dreaded every single dragon fight despite that being my favorite thing to do in DAI. Don't ever want to see another Ogre in my life they body me into corners that hitting space can't save me from.

At some point u just gotta run around the place a lot hoping ur companions can do the damage for you bc the mobs aren’t interested in them at all. i was spamming 2 n slamming on that E key hopping it would be over n done with already, If i wanted to play a flashy monster hunter game, well then id play tw3 at least that combat is fun.

Lore & Story building

At the end of Trespasser, I was under the impression that the conflict in DATV would revolve around solas amassing an army of elves all over Thedas to rebel against the Evanuris. He had a whole network of Spies working against the Inquisition and the Antaam, and planned to restore the elven people, upend their religious views, and try to tear down the veil as a way of atonement. So I was understanding of there only being 3 import choices ( 1- who you romanced, 2- Save or redeem Solas 3- Disband or Keep inquisition). But that's not the story we get; instead its this??

The veil jumpers are like engineering mages with no ties to Solas beyond being an elves. There is no religious struggle they just seem to accept that these Gods have always been evil and need to be stopped. Solas is just a one man army trapped in the fade off screen for like 70% of the game. Should I have just kept the inquisition around after all? The only mention I got was my disbanded inquisition choice was inky going "my name still carries weight in southern thedas" and it seemed like disbanding or keeping it would have an affect on how easy or hard it would be to stop Solas but no it really doesn't at all

“It doesn’t feel like a Dragon Age game”

A criticism I rarely take seriously because that can mean so many different things? Like what is it the atmosphere? The aesthetics? The “dArK fAnTasy” none of these things have ever stayed consistent in any dragon age game. And I’d say DA franchise lost its teeth/edge when dai rolled around it was pretty light in the world of dark fantasy

However…theyre kinda right this time around....

It doesn’t feel like a dragon age game because they removed a lot of the lore your were exposed to in the previous games to the point where this might as well be another game all together. (i am not even a lore nerd but i do need something there to feel like i am in a dragon age game)

Yes the city is named Minrathos you were are told of its cultural significance and history as the seat of the empire but looks like a shittier version of kirkwall (and I kept getting lost going around the map so I hated it even more for wasting my time) Honestly the city felt super high tech and out of place in a fantasy setting imo, I missed it when everyone lived in a wooden hovel in the middle of the woods.

There is no reason for the venatori to follow Elgarnan and ghilian'nan or for the Qunari either but it all gets hand waved away with "they offered us power"

Reading the Inquisitors letters made me feel like im in a spinoff game and the real story is happening somewhere else. And sad to like baby take me with you!! i want to save u from this nightmare

A lot of the factions are sanitized to the point of being boring Darvin's little 'we're warden we don't do blood magic that's just not right" baby I let the wardens sacrifice elves to Corphyeus 3 weeks ago :/

Qunari Culture

So the whole reason you were fighting the Antaam in DAI was because they believed you were in cahoots with Solas, who's whole plan to them is to sow chaos and disorder- that is a HUGE no no in the Qun so they see it as their sacred duty to stop you. The Qunari we meet in DATV mindless npc mooks who attack you not because your with Solas but because the Evil elven gos promised them uhh power n shit for stopping you. Like I know I did not just waste my time in DAI reading about how egalitarian the Qun is everyone is like a Hive, they depend on each other so selfishness is rooted out so wtf was going on in Treviso with these guys. A whole culture decimated down to being darkspawn mobs part 2

What made me never want to play another DA game ever again:

Everything you ever did in Orlais, Ferelden, Kirkwall is pointless. No matter what the last letter from the Inquistor is "yeah the blight reached the south Denerim is gone, ferelden is blighted beyond repair, we took back Skyhold but barely. The Venatori disposed of whoever you put in charge of Orlais and there's giant leviathans rising out the sea in Ostwick"  There is no conclusion to this it's just the state of the world now

I cant even pretend my non solas romanced Inky is happy and safe after all this? My hof and Alistar might as well be dead for all that it ever mattered. I get that the devs wanted a clean slate but did they have to burn my house down and salt the fields? It feels so spiteful and mean, like they wanted to make a whole separate game and tack on the "dragon age" title to it for money. If they're not interested in the lore or world building why should I? it made me fully checked out of the rest of the story. Like damn idgaf about elgar'nan and the other one give me back Redcliff

TLDR I dont know if i should be sad that I still care about this or glad its over either way im blocking all datv tags n moving on

[himehomu]

Homura did nothing wrong. And I stand by that. Because, she didn't do anything wrong towards anyone nor did she do anything with malicious intent. The only thing she did wrong is entirely in regards to herself. Rather than basing Homura's entire character around an act she made out of love or reduce her character to an evildoer with no morals nor love in her heart like some people still do to this day under the poor facade of “valid criticism,” I'm going to explain what Homura actually did wrong in Rebellion and her what her act of selfishness actually was.

What Homura did wrong was condemn herself to suffering as an immortal deity, the Devil whom acts as a rebellion against God, The Law of Cycles, strict laws of the original universe, which included Madoka Kaname not existing. That is what she did wrong, but not in the black and white, Good-vs-Evil way most people interpret this as. Yes, they are meant to be enemies one day, but because God favors rules and always doing the right thing, whereas the Devil favors her desire to stay in a world where Madoka is happy, where her friends are happy, where they are safe and have a chance at a life. A desire for happiness vs maintaining order of a broken world for the greater good, even if maintaining order means making sacrifices and making hard choices that directly rebel against that desire and yearning for happiness.

But, here is why Homura is wrong in dooming herself to her fate as the Devil. It's very subtle, but seconds before the Flower Field scene, as they are walking, Madoka turns and tells Homura that it really hurts her seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. This may seem like a simple thing a friend would say, but remember that Madoka lost her memories as a goddess. And, as a goddess, she was stuck alone in Heaven having to watch life go by, Homura's life go by, and wasn't able to interfere. Think about that for a second. Think about being Madokami.

Think about when she could finally understand just how much Homura did for her, just how much Homura fought for her in all those time loops; the moment she's able to reciprocate her feelings, she fades from existence as the consequence. Wanting so badly to comfort Homura as she bears the psychological burden of being the only person to remember her, to know her, to miss her, to grieve and mourn her. Thinking the only time she’ll ever be able to see let alone talk to Homura again is when she’s essentially dying from all the grief, the pain, the guilt, the sadness of not being able to save her from her fate of being a goddess trapped in isolation. Think about that, then look at what she says here again. Of course it hurts Madoka seeing Homura hurting so badly and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Because that's what she's been doing as The Law of Cycles. Much like how she said she'd never make the decision to become a Goddess in the first place a few seconds later, she says this because this is the real Madoka who loves and cherishes Homura, who hates to see her hurt.

Take that into consideration when looking at what Homura turns herself into at the end of Rebellion, how she's suffering and you can see the exhaustion on her face and in her eyes, how you can see the immortality essentially sucking the humanity out of her to the point where she herself believes she is evil. This was never about Good vs. Evil. This is about Homura hating herself so much not only for being unable to save Madoka, but possibly even for loving her in the first place considering her love is what made her powerful enough to condemn herself to her fate as a Goddess trapped in Heaven with her wish. This is about Madoka hating herself so much to where she only deems herself worthy so long as she's helping others, her self-loathing making her reduce herself to a sacrificial lamb and throwing away her life for the better of everyone else, caring so little for herself and being unable to even fathom that she'd be mourned or grieved if she were to die, thus sacrificing herself over and over, seeing herself as a means to an end if it means freedom for everyone she loves. Madoka has always been there to comfort Homura and protect her since the first timeline. How can she do that if her memories and powers to do so are locked away? She can't. Because Homura doesn't believe she deserves Madoka's love.

Homura doesn't believe she's worth Madoka's sacrifice in becoming a God and Madoka doesn't believe she's worth Homura's sacrifice in becoming the Devil. Madoka cannot understand that she is so so much more than what she can give to other people whilst Homura is the only one that does. Homura can't understand that dooming herself to immortality pains and hurts Madoka because she can't do anything about it thus she can't save her from her suffering like how Homura ceased her suffering. It's a cycle. A snake eating it's own tail. A pumpkin that spins round and round and round. They're both selfish and they're both selfless. Homura is selfish in the sense that she's not taking into consideration how Madoka would feel if she knew how much she were suffering as the Devil for her sake yet she is being selfless because she's only suffering as the Devil for Madoka and her family and their friends to have a happy life. Madoka is selfish in the same sense that she's not taking into consideration just how psychologically damaging it is for Homura to not only have to watch her die over and over again throughout 100 timelines but to then erase herself from existence with Homura being the only one to remember her and she is selfless by of course only sacrificing herself so much because she cares for everyone and all Magical Girls, Homura especially included. They both love each other enough to sacrifice themselves for the other but they both hate themselves so much to where they believe they are undeserving of the other's love hence they keep dooming themselves to suffering in isolation and in turn dooming each other.

[notmorbid]

miss subways.

dialogue prompts from miss subways: a novel by david duchovny.

every day here is like a new stanford experiment.

my inner judge never has rehabilitation in mind.

if i'm not busy learning or being born, i'm busy dying.

you want me here, but then you want to ignore me.

one step forward, one half-step back.

i like the phrase 'making love'.

fuck you, asshole.

to the victors go the nomenclature.

gods are immortal, so they're patient.

not even i can stomach scientology.

what is the sound of one hand clapping?

i don't want to be famous. i don't have the clothes for it.

my identity can't be longer than a tweet.

i saw an opening. i decided to be the bad guy.

you're not going to start biting the heads off live bats, are you?

it's true, then. you can't take it with you.

you worried so hard for so long.

i'm sorry, i didn't get your last name.

you called me? what are you, 103 years old?

jesus would not go to nobu.

i don't mind you thinking outside the box. i mind you thinking outside of my box.

either lie down completely or stand the fuck up. it's gonna kill you in the middle.

you sound like oprah, except mean.

i want to live my life, not document it on instagram.

you lie to yourself and you lie to me.

to save something, something must be sacrificed. that's the way it goes.

we can't police our dreams. don't judge.

it felt like a death.

if i own something long enough, i start ascribing feelings to it.

that billy shakespeare, he got everywhere first.

i'm a reader, not a writer.

come on, let's get you cleaned up.

did i call you last night?

i was a different person with a different life. i've never had a dream like that.

there's nothing more boring than listening to somebody else's dream.

i can be a good shrink or a good friend. not both. choose.

i can't remember the last time i got laid.

don't be such a pussy.

i feel like i'm coming up short.

this is no time to come out of the closet.

was i a disappointment to you?

i like seeing things the way i do.

which version is the real you?

don't worry. there won't be a quiz.

the future is as random and fated as the past.

so much of life necessitates looking away.

have you been crying?

you forgot your trigger warning.

what i want has very little to do with anything.

spare me the faux shame.

when do the exceptions just pile up and make a new rule?

i like structure. i like to know i've done my homework.

i have to go to confession.

i don't know what to pray for.

the prayer is the god.

you stabbed a priest?

i need to change the past.

i'm losing you to that place you go.

shut the front door!

what would the perfect life look like?

you have the coolest, most beautiful eyes i've ever seen.

sing you to sleep? i don't really know any songs.

you don't know any songs? that's not possible.

i think i've always wanted to be taken advantage of by a gigolo.

you seem too smart to be an actor.

little lies make bigger lies possible.

there's something you're not saying.

there's a lot i'm not saying. i'm sure there's a lot you're not saying, too.

take the reins. write your own story.

i'm sorry you heard that.

i screwed up. you're not gonna love me anymore.

we all know better, but we're human. we screw up.

how do we know our character unless we step outside it and look its way, now and then?

is it my business? you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

i feel tall enough to ride this rollercoaster.

maybe you don't see yourself the way i see you.

you understand fine. you're just too nervous to comprehend.

people fall in love in difficult circumstances. most songs are about it.

let's agree on a moratorium on questions like "how did you know?".

well, stop guessing. start knowing.

just because i'm funny doesn't mean i'm not lethal.

you're already in the game. you have no choice but to play on.

don't tell me what i want. don't put words in my mouth.

where has playing by the rules gotten you?

maybe you have more power than you think you do.

one of the lies we tell children is that reason will get them through this life.

in order to love, you have to know what death is.

as first kisses go, i've had worse.

there's such a thing as too much history.

i want to be with you, but not like this.

i'm quite forgettable. that's like, the most memorable thing about me.

do you actually believe in past lives?

this conversation requires more wine than i currently have.

is there something else you'd like to ask? i get the feeling there is.

[theworldisabrokenbonebutitishome]

My fill for my @guardianbingo prompt of 'spaceship'.

Look, give me a show with aliens and special powers and time travel and heartbreak and watch me make it relevant to Doctor Who. If there's one thing I can do, it's make everything about Who. I've thought way too much about this so I'm gonna make it everyone's problem. (behind a read more though because wow I ramble)

I hear spaceship and I think TARDIS, because it's been almost twenty years and I am not getting over DW ever at this point. So my brain decided hey what if Zhao Yunlan got thrown back in time in a more comfortable and stylish way? And thus this image came to mind.

But my mind is not one for shutting up, so while this came to be I had a lot of thoughts about if anyone in the show would pull off being the Doctor particularly well.

The obvious choice is of course Zhao Yunlan; canonically time travels, regeneration could be a sci-fi equivalent to reincarnation, general chaos gremlin vibes, likes sticking things in his mouth yes I'm imagining 13 eating soil rn, quick thinking and loves a puzzle. Kunlun could be his version of 'Doctor' and Zhao Yunlan his version of 'John Smith' when he tries to go undercover.

However, I then got to thinking about Shen Wei. His wardrobe is definitely a much better match for the Doctor but he's not so obviously chaotic. But he is an alien, he's at least 10000 years old, his Dixing power is learning which is perfect, he's literally a professor (like the Doctor) and enjoys teaching (twelve comes to mind), he's into science and has accumulated random detailed knowledge about other things (eg. Bears) whilst remaining somewhat awkward socially, doesn't necessarily entirely vibe with others of his kind, has lots of secrets and is not always very good at lying. Likes to suffer in silence and not fcking tell anyone. He may not be full of chaos like thirteen but he has the vibes of nine or twelve where there's something not entirely human about him.

Another thing I found very interesting though is the potential for Ye Zun to be the Master to Shen Wei's Doctor. Because I like pain. The relationship between them two in DW canon is fascinating, just imagine if they were actually siblings.* The intense 'I want to kill you' vs 'I want to be you' vs 'I want you to like me' desire that's constantly warring away inside the Master. The Master loves the Doctor but feels like they've been abandoned by them, is that not Ye Zun? The desire for power and mayhem but also maybe just wanting attention from a certain person.

Also, if Shen Wei is the Doctor then Zhao Yunlan gets to be the companion and depending which level of angst I can cope with on the day, I've decided on two options.

Novel vibes: Zhao Yunlan as Donna Noble, something happens during their travels together that results in Shen Wei having to remove all of Zhao Yunlan's memories of him and their adventures together and Shen Wei has to stay away and never return or run the risk of Zhao Yunlan's brain permanently breaking. An even more extreme version of Shen Wei having to stay away from Kunlun's reincarnations because there's no chance of Zhao Yunlan coming back in this world. I'm not being entirely evil though because the 60th anniversary clips we've seen imply there is hopefully a way to fix this problem so there could still be a happy ending!

Show vibes: instead of sacrificing his soul to a lantern how about Zhao Yunlan does a Rose and stares into the TARDIS and only almost dies. If there's a way to somehow combine this with Rose using the power to bring Jack back to life and accidentally making him immortal then ta da! a never dying Zhao Yunlan to go with Shen Wei the time lord! Winners all around!

Final point i promise:

The TARDIS is called the ghost monument at one point, is that not a fitting name for a ghost king's spaceship?

[imminent-danger-came]

Okay, so hear me out. Someone a while back mentioned that maybe Wukong's plan was to die once Qi Xiaotian was fully trained and ready to take over the full Monkey King schtick. Maybe the kings who are involved in a plot to kill Sun Wukong, if that is what's going down, don't know. (That sounds like a thing Wukong might talk to only a few of the kings to prevent stuff from happening early. And considering there's only eight kings in that meeting that we see...)

I'm imagining a very messy situation if that gets out. From the kings setting things that can't be stopped into motion for nothing to Xiaotian having what I best described as a meltdown at the thought of Wukong leaving him for good.

I think I saw an animatic with an idea like that once!

Personally however, that's not something I think Sun Wukong would do. He's self-sacrificial, sure, but part of that is from knowing he has the protection of being immortal 7 times over—throwing himself into danger time and time again is something he can get away with. Another thing is that when Wukong leaves, he always does so with the intention of coming back even in the most dire of circumstances. Wukong planning to become a mentor to this kid and then abandoning him with the weight of the world and the mantle of Monkey King on his shoulders—that's messed up. Which of course Wukong is flawed and makes plenty of mistakes, but that's a certain flavor of messed up that feels very not-Wukong to me. Even when Wukong makes his own selfish choices, he is usually working for others best interests at heart (whether or not it actually IS there best interest is a different conversation entirely). There's just not really a justifiable reason for anyone other than himself to leave like that. It's also the opposite of the conclusion he comes to at the end of s3: "Mei was right—I need to stop dragging you into my fights." And, well, if your plan was to die and give up on the world anyways, why bring up a successor at all? In the s4 special we were shown Wukong's paranoia over mortality—over dying—what would cause him to do that 180? ((Which these questions aren't really a counter point but more of something I'm asking to flesh out the idea.))

While it's definitely a fun and angsty concept (certainly something the fandom should explore if they want to), I'm not sure it has a place in the current story. If that was Wukong's plan, it would have happened (or have been greatly hinted at) at the beginning of s4 ("I think you actually might have done more for the world than I ever had!" which is very "the Student has become the Master"). I could see something more along the lines of Wukong sacrificing himself for MK in some way (which he commonly does), and really pushing his immortality to the brink. If Wukong's gonna die, it's going to be somethin' like that.

[andiwriteordie]

👋👋👋 tell me your idea for the Merlin/Byler au? 👀👀👀👀👀

toy of COURSE i will tell you my idea for a merlin/byler au. i will like to say first though. because i need somebody to know and i'm being whiny. that i just slammed by finger into my door and it HURTS OH MY GOD.

anyways, first of all, i wrote this half asleep at 5 something in the morning, but this is what i imagined as the opener:

This is a tale of two young men, born to meet one another and to always be by each other’s side. Two sides of the same coin, some might call it. Destiny, others might say.

But destiny is a delicate thing, its strings woven loose yet tight, and the decisions one makes can often begin to unravel those threads, changing them into an entirely new tapestry all together.

This tale is an unusual one.

Because this tale is one that begins where it ends.

so the idea that i was thinking of was to start with how merlin ends, where like we meet will and mike at the end of their story together. will would be like merlin (Most Powerful Warlock™️) and mike would be like arthur (the noble king/knight destined to lead and guide), except destiny is unraveling at its seams. mike is dying, and will can't do anything to save him. even with all his power, he can't save mike's life, so will just holds mike as he dies.

will, like merlin, would be immortal in this, and he would get to hold onto the promise given by the dragon at the end that mike would return—that their destiny and their story together is not yet complete. when the world needs him again, mike is going to return, and until then, all will can do is wait for him. and so, will says goodbye to his best friend and the person he loves most (though the two of them never explicitly say it to one another, which is part of the tragedy), and he leaves the lake alone.

we flash forward, around 1,500 years later to the year 1970, and some way or another, will gets some sort of magical dream that lets him know that soon mike is going to come back, and that he has a choice: he can choose to essentially die and be reborn so he can mike grow up together, because destiny will always bring the two of them together, or he can continue to wait and just find mike again and

the choice gives will an out of sorts. a chance to start over, and though he initially thinks it would be best for mike if he just waits those years until mike is older and it's time for their destiny to kick into full gear, he's prompted by whatever magic-y figure is presenting him with this choice and he's encouraged to make a choice that is for him too. because will has been alone all this time and his heart is heavy, so being reborn would give him that chance to start over and to begin again. it's promised that when destiny does arrive and the time is right, will and mike will both learn of their shared past again (something we'll say with a mix of will's magic and just the general magic existing in the cosmos and stuff), so will agrees to this.

march 22, 1971. will byers is born. a little over 2 weeks later, on april 7, 1971, mike wheeler is born. destiny begins to weave its tapestry again.

the next scene, we see will around late 1983/early 1984 in the direct aftermath of his kidnapping into the upside down. his dreams consist of the trauma he experienced in the upside down of course, and though the memories themselves are foggy, he keeps coming back to his last few hours in the upside down, being intubated and nearly dying. and in foggy memories and moments interspersed between will's near death experience, he begins to dream of his and mike's past life together. these dreams only show fragments—will using his magic and protecting mike's life, mike as a brave knight and a king protecting will in return. it's easily shrugged off by will as him projecting. after all, they're a cleric and a paladin in dnd, right? so that makes sense.

(that doesn't change the terror though that will experiences when his dreams begin to show himself—several years older, weeping as mike dies in his arms. that grief feels paralyzing, and the dream keeps getting interrupted, flashing back and forth between the upside down and his old memories).

next scene, we pick up late 1985/early 1986 in lenora hills, california. will is trying to adjust. he still has nightmares, but they're less focused on the upside down now. the dreams of himself and mike in their past lives are clearer—amplified by the mind flayer's connection from 1984. but there's no way they could be memories, right? how would that even work? and will doesn't have magic. el has magic, not will. he's just will. so will keeps this part of his life quiet, not telling anyone.

one day though, we see a soft willel moment where el opens up to will about losing her own magic—how it feels like a part of her is missing. she's always been forced to use her magic in violent manners, and it scared her for a long time. but now that it is gone, there's a strange sense of warmth lacking. like an old friend is missing, and she just feels different. this prompts will to ask her what it's like... having magic, and so el does her best to explain it.

and it's familiar. there's a tingling in the back of will's next, and something inside him whispers, "this is familiar. you knew this already. you know this. you do."

he tries not to think about it too much.

next scene. november 6, 1986. the world is ending, will byers is living in mike wheeler's bedroom, and one night changes everything.

for the first time, the dream of mike's death comes back in full clarity, and will relives it again. the feeling of desperation and of loss and of love. watching the light fade from mike's eyes and seeing him take his final breath. the dragon's promise to him—that mike would return and that will's job was to simply wait and be ready for him when he arrives. saying goodbye to mike, watching his body disappear in a boat across the lake, further and further from will's view until—

will wakes up with a gasp. he can't see it, but his eyes are glowing a bright, familiar golden. the lights mike's bedroom all shine brighter than they ever have before, and then, they explode.

"shit!" will hears, because mike's awake too. he woke up barely a minute before will did, and he's kneeling down next to will, staring at him with shock in his eyes.

the two of them sit there in silence for moments that feel like an eternity, shattered glass surrounding them, and the moonlight streaming through the window. the memories are back, coming to will all at once. the floodgates have opened, and will remembers. he remembers.

and judging by the look on mike's face, he remembers too.

they move in perfect unison together, and they just embrace. because they both know. they both remember. and the two of them just sit there, and they cry together, because they're will byers and mike wheeler right now, but they've been will and mike for years and years and years before that. and they're together again, and the world is huge and overwhelming, but for just a moment, the only thing that matters is that they're together again.

second to last scene - the next morning. mike's room is now repaired, thanks to will's magic. they're sitting on mike's bed together, knees knocking against each other, shoulders pressed against one another. they have so, so much history together, and how do they even begin to try and fully understand all of it? plus, there are still so many things that will never got to tell mike, and mike, he's a bit hurt that will never shared those things in their first life, but he thinks he understands. he understands why will had to hide those parts from him. but he wishes will didn't have to.

will's eyes flicker to the painting he'd made for mike, now hanging on his wall. ironic, huh, that he would paint himself as a cleric, a wizard... and mike as the knight leading the charge. destiny must think it's funny. he's been carrying the weight of his lie with him since march of this year, and now, he sees how much the weight of his lies hurt mike when they were alive the first time. how he could've saved them both so much grief, and how maybe if he had opened up to mike and trusted him... things could've been different.

this situation... it's not quite the same, but the fear feels the same. it's the same for will, feeling like he has to hide a part of himself from mike, out of fear of rejection, out of a fear of losing mike, out of knowing society doesn't accept people like him.

but this is his second chance, right? how many people get a chance to make amends like this? and will is older now, and he's wiser too. he remembers the 1,500 years he was alone, and in just one night, he's changed. he's not quite the young, scared 15 year old that he was. he is, but he isn't. he's also someone who has lived and watched people die and who has waited and who knows how much he's always loved mike.

so, will chooses to be honest with mike. they talk about the magic first and the lies there, but it's a segue into the conversation about the painting. mike knows that it wasn't from el. but he thinks that will just lied to be a good friend. they fought about it, and in the end, they left it be—just a point of contention and tension in the same way the rain fight was.

will tells him everything—the true intention behind the painting. how he, will byers, has always admired mike wheeler and how mike's his best friend and how the feelings just developed into something more. but also how he, will, fell in love with mike... a long, long time ago. how he knew it, but also knew they'd never be able to be together. how he'd accepted that his place was simply at mike's side, protecting him and guiding him as best as he could. how he was content with that, but deep down also always dreamed of something more when they were alive together. how his years without mike only solidified the fact that will loves mike truly, deeply, fully, and how he plans to be here for mike, in whatever way that looks like and whatever way makes mike happy.

it gets quiet in the room. and mike looks a little stunned at first, still trying to take in all of will's words. patience, though, is something will has learned over his life, and he gently tells mike that he doesn't have to say anything right now. that mike can take the time to think about it too—

and mike cuts him off by kissing him.

it's short and desperate but also hesitant and a little fearful. mike pulls away, his eyes wide, and he looks young. they're both still young, even though they've had entire lives as adults (and then some more for will lol). and he quietly admits that he, mike wheeler, has been so confused recently. because he's been told his whole life that boys... aren't supposed to love other boys like that. that he shouldn't have these feelings for his best friend, so he's been hiding and running from this part of himself—the part that does have feelings for his best friend, will byers.

but also, that he, mike, the one who knew will long ago had fallen just as deeply in love with him while they were together. it was never an option to love will like this. mike always had his life planned out and written for him—the knight, the prince, the king. he had to have an heir. he had to rule their kingdom. he couldn't be with will.

but god, he could keep will close. maybe it was selfish to keep him so close while knowing he loved will as something more than they could ever be, but then again, mike thinks he's always been a little selfish. and he could swallow back that lump in his throat that formed every time will smiled at him or made a teasing joke or did anything really, because every moment with will made mike feel like he was falling more and more in love.

he almost told will, that day... when he died. he almost said that—instead of the "thank you" he gave will instead. but something stopped him. a feeling that... their story wasn't over yet. that a better time would come to share those words with will.

and so, mike looks will in the eye and in the softest, most gentle voice, he confesses his love for will.

the two of them kiss again. will's magic makes the lights glow again, and mike laughs, making some comment that this is going to take some getting used to. will points out that it's been a good 15 years since he's used his magic... so it's gonna take some getting used to for him as well.

it becomes clear to both of them that they were brought back together for a reason—and that reason has to do with the upside down and with henry. henry's powers, like el, are magic based, and so now, the playing field is leveled with will's magic. hell, the scales have tipped in their favor because of will's magic. this is their destiny. this is how they're going to save the world. and you see a moment of weariness from will, who recognizes this, and recognizes the burden they're sharing.

mike gently pulls him close, pressing a kiss to will's forehead, and he just tells will that they can figure all of this out later. destiny's waited this long, right? they can be selfish. they can just be together.

and so, the scene just ends with them sitting there, arms wrapped around each other, and sitting in peaceful silence. and nothing else matters other than the fact that they're together.

the final little part would be a section to mirror the opening part, talking about destiny. how these two were brought together and born to find each other. how destiny's tapestry is still being woven and how choices will impact that. and how the tale isn't over yet, but that there's hope in the ending of this story, because will and mike are together once more.

pHEW did i just outline this whole fic in your ask? yep. that's the merlin/byler au that i was thinking of this morning. i have some slight thoughts on how i could expand the world (making other characters line up/parallel other merlin characters and being reincarnated versions of their past lives), but idk i haven't given too much thought to that and probably wouldn't go as far as to write that! but this oneshot... yeah, definitely adding it to my list lol.

[themswritinwords]

The Hundred Fifty Seven Deaths of the Immortal Ethan Ellis: Cast profiles: Ethan Ellis

The man himself (Ethan) - he/him; 24 years old biologically, 310 years old chronologically; Quietly Depressed Optimist in Desperate Need of a Hug and a Nap

Depressed, traumatized, self-sacrificial, dysfunctional, exhausted--what's not to relate to love?

Just woke up during his own autopsy. That's definitely not going to unearth any poorly-buried Issues!

What do you mean endless gallows humor and self deprecation aren't healthy coping mechanisms?

*slaps bruised and blood-stained noggin* This bad boy can fit so much mental illness and metaphor in him.

The result of a necromancer-wannabe's attempts at immortality; ex-human-guinea-pig with all of the attendant moral, philosophical, and psychological conundrums that come with death being a temporary condition.

One of three "successful" experiments. The other two adjusted pretty well, all things considered. Ethan did not.

Alas, they didn't have therapy in colonial America. You know what they did have, though? An abundance of dangerous life paths and causes worth dying for. That's not gonna reinforce any dangerous thought patterns or unhealthy mental states, I'm sure!

Longest streak between deaths has been just shy of 4 years. All but one of them has been his own dang fault. He is fully aware of this, but in a deeper sense, he is entirely unaware of this.

Always cared more about others than himself. This got infinitely worse when he realized he could die without consequences (supposedly).

Animals hate him! and no that is not just the start of a clickbait article. Every animal he's met since getting immortal'd has tried to put him back in the ground. He used to be a cat person, though.

Chronically friendless and self-isolated. People don't handle the dead guy coming back to life very well, and he's gotten more than one witness in life-ruining trouble by reviving in front of them. He finds it easier to just stay away from people on all but a surface level. (Again, I can't imagine that's going to cause problems down the line....)

Travels like an overripe peach, which is to say he is the King of Motion Sickness

Repeated resurrection has turned the man into a caloric dumpster. Over the course of a day and a half he consumes ~30 chicken nuggets, four burgers, a large fry, a medium bag of chips, a popsicle, and half a cup of ice and he's still desperately hungry.

Flip flops between annoying little brother energy and annoyed big brother energy depending on who he's arguing with at the time.

Wants: Everyone and Everything to leave him tf alone (also a shower)

Needs: One good reason to live and way fewer reasons to get himself killed

Immediate goals: Keep his only friends from getting dragged down with him and all his issues

Long term goals: None, and that's rather the point (not that this is a recurring theme in my characters or anything....)

Character arc can best be described as: that quote that's like "Dying is easy, living is hard;" the shift from hope, caring, and love as passive traits to hope, caring, and love as active choices worth making

Favorite things about writing him

The Catharsis. There's a reason so many of my OCs end up with mental illnesses and unhealthy patterns of thought. Ethan is just the most explicit of these self-inserts.

The snarcasm and humor were both challenging and so fun. I'm not a witty person by nature, so it took a bit of perspective shift to get right. I think I got better a dialogue overall by writing him.

He's a very internal and thought-ful person, and it was an interesting balance to write. He always thinks more than he says and feels more than he thinks.

Not to toot my own horn, but his third act breakdown and "Oh Sh*t" moment were a delight to write and some of my strongest writing moments.

His voice is very informal and sarcastic, and it was fun to write genuine horror in a goofball, this-might-as-well-happen sort of way.

[negative-speedforce]

Prompt:

"I just- I didn't know what else to do."

This is Arya and Hailey, for sure

"What did you do to me?" Hailey asked, passing her hand through the material of her bunk. "I didn't want this."

"A mortal body can't enter the Otherworld. I split your soul from your corporeal form." Arya explained, visible to none but Hailey. " You were dying. I had to make a choice."

"I know. I was the one who was blown apart by that landmine." Hailey replied. "But why didn't you let me die?"

"You're the only person who's ever given a shit about me. I couldn't lose you."

"I wish you would have let me die." Hailey replied. "I don't want to be... whatever this is. My career is over. My comrades think I'm a freak. I'm immortal, and invulnerable, and I can barely even interact with the physical world at this point. You say it might get better with time, but... I'm not that willing to wait."

"I'm sorry." Arya sighed. "What I did was a split-second decision. You were going to die, and I was scared. I don't regret what I did, but I'm sorry for the pain it's causing you."

"Sorry isn't enough!" Hailey snapped, her body phasing through the bunk and onto the floor below. She stood up, the temperature in the barracks dropping with her outburst. "You turned me into a ghost, and now I have to live like this... forever! Fuck, I'm going to see the bloody heat death of the universe now, because of you! And now, I'm stuck in this miserable form, when I was never going to even come out in the first place! My parents are going to kill me!"

"I'm sorry. I can't undo what I did." Arya replied. "I don't regret it at all, but I regret the pain that it must have caused you."

Hailey swung a punch at Arya, though it passed straight through their skull. "See what you turned me into? I don't even know if I'm real! Am I just a bloody ghost, or am I still... me? I can't even touch you. I'll never be able to hug my parents again- that is, if they don't throw me out on my ass for being this!"

"Hailey-"

"Don't 'Hailey' me!" Tears ran down Hailey's face, though they shimmered out of existence the moment they dripped off her cheeks. "Just go away, Arya. Not forever, just... for now. I need to be alone. I need to figure this out, whatever this is, and what it means for me. Please."

"Fine." Arya nodded. "I just- I didn't know what else to do." They then proceeded to seemingly vanish, though Hailey was sure they had taken the form of a small insect or some other imperceptible creature. She sighed, leaning against the post of her bunk-wait.

Hailey smiled, turning around to grip the metal post. Her hand met cold steel, firm in her clutches. She focused on the tingling feeling that had followed her since the explosion, and her hand passed through it again.

Maybe, if she found a way to control this, she could make this work.

[echowilds]

y'know i just realized that 'characters whose internal magic system is fucked' is a bit of a theme for me

hanni

as aurene's champion they're always soaked in her magic. they aren't really branded but you can definitely tell they're a dragon champion based on their magical signature

as i mentioned before, they absorbed a part of balthazar's magic, which changed their own magic's signature more towards fire

but even before that they unconsciously started walking a very perilous line as they absorbed a lot of latent natural magic just by being the idiot who jumped at any weird magical stuff happening (and ate a good amount of it)

on more grim days they're just waiting to go up in a big explosion

but it's fine! they're working on a solution with taimi! everything is going great!! (sometimes they wonder what would've happened if they jumped in front of ankka's extractor instead of aurene)

they actually used to dabble in alchemy and elixirs but balthazar's magic messed it up entirely for them and most of what they brew now ends up as great explosives but isn't doing what it's actually supposed to do. at least the pact demolitionists are always happy about the results

leikkya

the experiments she was subjected to as a kid included her getting exposed to a low amount of magic continuously for years

while her body had gotten used to it over time, the abrupt cutoff after being freed messed her up again

i'm not entirely sure yet how i want the effects of that to go about but she might be a little addicted to magic. only a little though. it's fine

and two more peeps under the cut because this whole thing got so long

sade

while nowadays their weapons of choice are a disapproving frown, harsh words and noticable disappointment, they used to be an exeptional warrior

they're also old as fuck so when it comes to magic seem to have only improved, both in their control of it and the amount they can wield

but re: that being messed up

there were Things Happening and a sacrifice (though more borne out of a desperation not to die) that didn't work quite as planned and they got the whole magical essence of their closest friend a companion dumped into their own

which generally wouldn't be too big of a problem, but things can't be easy around here. the internal magical essences of the two aren't exactly compatible due to being of very different species and there still being a certain amount of intent left in the dead companion one's

they've had many years to get used to the dichtomy and figure out how to make it work for themselves but it can still flare up from time to time (and fire magic in the archives would be utterly disastrous)

it also seemingly came with immortality. joy. (it's actually just an extremely long lifespan and a.... let's call it failsafe against dying)

laerus

he's probably the least affected in his personal use of magic by the Events That Happened To Him To Make Him That Way out of all my characters but still

glossing over some stuff right now to keep this from devolving into a whole essay he has some souls attached to him (and is attached to them in turn but only emotionally)

there was a failed ritual and lies and betrayal by someone they all trusted and now laerus is the only one with a body, the voices of his allies in his head and some 'minor' temporal displacement

technically he's kind of a revenant now? but none of the other's were really all that powerful magically (and still aren't) and mostly it's made him really good at strategy, human royal ceremonial tasks and observation (spectral eyes that can see behind him are eternally useful). it's also distracting as hell

he's still mainly a necromancer, his soul and magic just have more people attached than what's common

it has made magic trickier for him since he needs to make sure he isn't drawing on the others' magic, but mixed into the usual necromancy green is some blue colour wise

[ase-trollplays]

1 thru 5 for Brandy

1 What’s an important lesson your muse has learned over the past few years and how has that changed the way they live?

Brandy is fucking smooth-brained. He's a dense mother fucker. The densest. He carved open a troll not realizing they're immortal, politely asked to take their organs when he realized he can't kill them, then made several bad attempts to apologize later as if he did something mundane like spill a drink on them instead of attempted murder. And he still believes they're being unreasonable by refusing the apology.

You think a man like that learns lessons? The closest thing to a lesson he's ever learned is that having a life outside of the apartment and real friends to physically interact with after Japhyr essentially kept him locked away his entire childhood and teen years is awesome.

2. How does the time your muse lives in influence their lifestyle? Are they happy they’re born in their time, or do they fantasize about a different era?

He wishes he could have been alive back when being lime was allowed. It annoys him that he has to either hide or lie about his blood color when he leaves The Villa. I wouldn't say he fantasizes about it, but he thinks about it quite a bit.

3. Does your muse focus mainly on one long term goal or multiple short term ones? What do they think about the reachability of their goals and what are they?

He focuses on short-term goals a lot more than anything long-term. Hell, I can't even say he has any long-term goals right now. He doesn't want to join the fleet or have lofty aspirations, he has no intention of living outside of The Villa or leaving either of his jobs, and he has no idea his twin is out there for him to search for because Japhyr let him forget/gaslit him into forgetting. He's happy to just live his life night by night with no big picture to speak of.

His short-term goals are always something really simple and easily reachable: Successfully help host a server-wide event next perigee in the discorpse servers he moderates, save enough money to upgrade his telescopes or buy new ones, plan a special holiday surprise for his matesprit next week. Real quaint goals.

4. Is your muse an optimist or pessimist and how does this influence their choices?

He's an optimist! He chooses to look on the bright side of things and live in whatever way makes him happy, which can cause him to make irresponsible decisions frequently.

5. Does your muse have any irrational fears that hold them back in life? Do they come from experience (trauma) or is it, for instance, part of a belief system they have?

Not really. I mean, we're talking about a guy who grew up in 1) a secret hidden Eldritch Town where 2) cannibalism is entirely normal 3) house mimics puppet troll-like creatures to lure unsuspecting folks inside to be eaten 4) the whispers of The Damned and The Horrorterrors can frequently be heard, and 5) the entire city and surrounding beach and forest have perpetual sinister You're Going To Die Here vibes.

He's a difficult person to scare and doesn't fear much is what I'm saying. He doesn't have any phobias that I can name. He's not even afraid of dying.

[soruset]

So I saw you were looking for a Hazbin headcanon, well fo I have a doozy for you that I'm posting on anon as a form of witness protection from the angst I'm boutta deliver on thee:

not sure how you feel about character death, even temporary death, but I usually write my particular Lucifer as *cursed* with immortality as his punishment. His soul and Eden's forbidden tree were joined and sacrificed to make Hell, so he literally can't leave it or truly die - even when Hell is entirely devoid of all sinners and Hellborn until the heatdeath of the universe,, he will still be Alive and unable to do a thing about it, Hell will truly be Forever-

This is made all the worse in that if you take the reason why him and Lilith were able to have Charlie at all was just as a way to rub salt in the wound by giving them a miracle baby with the underlying knowledge she's going to *die* one day, doubly so if you subscribe to the headcanon of Lucifer being the one to carry her...

And him finding out about the fact that he can't die because of his oldest once friend *Adam* being the one to accidentally kill him with an angelic weapon, because Lucifer refused to fight back, still believing peace can be made, trying to protect the denizens of Hell... Only to find that none stood with him when the exorcists came, not even to offer support from the sidelines if they couldn't fight, just him there, dying alone and thinking this gonna be his last...only to come back, for heaven to find out angelic weapons won't get rid of him, and Adam now discovering that there's literally no real consequences to going a little too far in fighting

which leads into regicide actually being an option, and Lucifer tending to reappear after a few days ala mirroring Christ's resurrection, regardless of the method used to kill him, *including angelic weapons* or being destroyed past the point most can't pull themselves together, all injuries and scarring after death disappear completely but only after dying and being, uh, revived....

Then, when the push comes to shove, only fighting back because *Charlie's* life is on the line, beating Adam *nearly* to the point of death but still intending to spare him.... Only for him to be killed by a sinner with a knife, too weak to fight off because of *him making Adam that way*, and now Adam is never coming back... It hitting Lucifer later and him considering himself a *friend killer* despite what had been done to him in the past....

He misses his old friend and the only other person who MIGHT understand or give comfort fucking ABANDONED HIM after alienating him and his daughter before peacing out during a worsening mental health crisis that she may or may not have encouraged to worsen so she could retain complete control over Hell in his stead considering how all of Hell adored her and she united them while Lucifer fell into an extremely borderline neurotic fixation on making ducks for Charlie because of one (1) happy memory, perhaps the LAST ONE he had with her before Charlie was just?? Taken from him partway?? Charlie NEVER CALLING HIM BY HER OWN CHOICE but always call her mom who never answers?

Charlie likely only taking about a dream that he USED TO SHARE but now CANT because of how many people likely died from it, including him?? How what Charlie is doing is painting a MASSIVE target on her back that Heaven would faster kill to maintain the status quo (as they had shown before... because after LITERALLY FLOODING THE EARTH TO KILL 99.999% OF HUMANITY they got a liiittle uncomfy over the population?? Guilty conscience much to make them fearmonger over a revolt imo), aaaand he's a bad dad for that?

Like, idk about you, but not blindly supporting or enabling your kid into doing something patently dangerous because of literal paranoid terrorists that kill without hesitation or compunction, that needed a fucking TREATY to NOT KILL SOULS GOD LITERALLY MADE TO BE BORN IN HELL WITH NO AGENCY ON BEING BORN, just drives me wild, home girl didn't think about how these redeemed souls are gonna be treated, always held apart and tested and suspected of "being on the verge" of "doing something bad" because "if they did it once they'll do it again, unlike us TRULY PURE SOULS" and "how can we ever trust to be safe now that they WALK AMONG US",,, like,, I don't know, Hell could have been made a paradise too, that also could have been home and conditions structurally made better to where it was just straight up to be made more beneficial to follow the social contract like the rest of Hell, honestly would have been more sustainable

Anyway, here you go, have my brain worms *vanishes into the void*

nababanbsvIIIAJHAHAFHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i have this hc too anon oh my god YESS RAHHHHHHH 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but i like to believe that charlie is immortal and so is lili bc,,, idk i dont want my poor luci to suffer TOO much

thanks for the ask i love you thank you so much

[house-of-laminations]

Hi, hello, um, big fan here! I just, I love everything you’ve written and I just, I would love to know your thoughts on Lilith. I think about her constantly and I usually HC my MC thinks about her and kind of tries to talk to her. I feel like that one convo with her just, I don’t know, it makes me wish we could still talk to her. She showed us stuff, she saved us!! I just , I don’t know, I super want to read your thoughts on her.

💛 hello!

I do indeed have Thoughts™ on Lilith! Many of them! Let's see if I can string them together into some coherency - apologies in advance if this comes out essay-like...

In terms of their personal connection, I wrote a little bit here about Lilith's power in relation to MC but a tl;dr of it is that I believe that Lilith's power, her soul for lack of a better word, is MC's soul. However, growing up physically, mentally, and emotionally as a human meant that they don't have the knowledge or capability to utilize any of that power. It's only upon making contact with Lilith's grimoire - her memories - that MC gains the ability to be able to comprehend and access those abilities and memories. The way I see that manifesting beyond just 'sheer power' is deja vu. They experience new places that feel familiar, they remember conversations they've never had. Even their relationships are (comparatively) quick to spark with immortals who have been stuck in this emotional rut for presumably millennia.

I'm not sure if I believe there's enough of Lilith left to have full conversations with but I do think their connection goes deeper than just being able to speak to one another. Lilith's guidance is present in MC's choices and circumstances almost right from the get-go.

Lilith was a powerful angel who willingly ventured into the human world, spurred mostly by her brother's interest and curiosity. There, she fell for a human which ultimately lead to a schism in heaven and her brothers falling. It widened the divide between the three realms and ended in her 'death'. Her happy ending was to live out her days as a human, and after dying her mortal death she continued to watch over her brothers.

MC, meanwhile, was an ordinary human by all rights (canonically at least, leaving behind any personal headcanons). They're forcefully drawn into a realm beyond their own thanks to the curiosity of someone much, much stronger than them. They're surrounded by beings that at any point could consume them - mind, body, and soul. Nevertheless not only does MC's actions and presence ultimately lead to mending the relationships between the brothers, it also begins to bridge the gap between all three realms.

Lilith's love broke the world, but MC's love will build it (kudos to @demonfamilytherapist for that bombass line). There's a line towards the end of S3 (or so I'm told) in which [spoilers] Diavolo is working his hardest in order to allow MC to live with them permanently in devildom as the spouse of a demon lord/prince. Their stories are mirrors of one another.

The symmetry between their lives is something that could be coincidence, could be fate, or could just be an old tattered soul trying to learn from its mistakes. What Lilith helped break, MC is slowly helping to mend.

Sometimes MC feels a sense of comfort, of love and safety. It's not from their lover/s... but rather, from within. This is a contentment beyond mere self confidence. It's a soul who loves itself and who its become, who is grateful for the journey and excited for what's next.

There you go! My own personal thoughts and headcanons about the relationship between Lilith and MC... I'm a sucker for tragedy and angst at heart so I tend to lean away from actual conversations between the two - but that doesn't mean there's nothing between them. I hope this satisfies 💛

[galadhremmin]

I think it's interesting the Arwen post garnered such strong reactions (like sending me an anon ask about it--really?) because a lot of the responses to it are actually not things I was saying at all.

I'm not saying, for example, that mortality is a bad thing in Tolkien's work, though there actually is some ambivalence about it if you look beyond Lotr!

What I was doing was looking at one single character insofar she actually appears in the text. I am not interested (when doing that) in arguments about what Tolkien's 'general message' is supposed to be according to you, your feelings/headcanons about her and her marriage, etc. As for the idea that there was no one else important enough she could marry-- please. Reborn Glorfindel was right there. As was Gildor Inglorion, and presumably a number of other high-born Exiles not named in the tale. And no, she was not 'too old' to marry-- her own parents did not marry young. And if you think she has too much of an age difference with Legolas but not with Aragorn-- I don't know what to tell you. As for marrying Aragorn because she 'needs a purpose' -please consider the implications of saying that about a female character.

Arwen is barely a character at all, but we do get some dialogue and the other characters reactions to/descriptions of her. There is nothing beyond her looks that makes her like Lúthien. Her looks and the fact that she dies; but not even her death, if you pay attention to the text, which is anything but wholly voluntary in the end (like Lúthien's was).

I think going with Arwen = Lúthien 2.0 does her character a disservice-- and Tolkien as a writer, because just how much she is unlike Lúthien is right there in the text.

It is in fact very fitting that A/A are only trying to echo some of the glory of long ago and fall short. The LoTR takes place in the crumbling ruins of a greater past. Even Sauron was more, once. And of course even when he was more he was only a servant of Morgoth. The time of the great heroes and gods is over. Grey is the colour of good. Twilight-- the last setting of the sun --the fading time of the elves, from which she turns away to be Aragorn's queen, if only for a short while.

Lúthien on the other hand lives in the First Age, the time of legends-- and is larger than life even then. Too large to be contained in the story in which she lives, really. She does the impossible repeatedly. She is not a relatable character exactly; more like a mythological figure, half-divine, living outside of the rules set for everyone else, her love instant and all-consuming; without nuance or regret.

Arwen is a much more understandable character, even from the few lines we get. She finally falls for Aragorn when he appears as more than he will ever be, and promises to be more than he is right then at least. Her choice is for the idea of greatness more than just who Aragorn is as a person; both fall for the other when they imagine both themselves and the other as more than they actually are in the text, or more precisely; when they see an echo of a greater past in each other.

I'm not saying their marriage was an unhappy one. That seems unlikely from the text too. They certainly seem to love each other; it probably helps they were raised by the same person. Arwen got to be queen, and Aragorn loved her a lot. But in the text it was not a choice motivated by simple love for the actual person- on both sides.

Arwen's fear at the end is obvious. To a degree that the dying Aragorn proposes she sail after all-- to which she replies she can't. The way is barred to her now, as much as it was to her Númenorean relatives, simple as that.

I don't think Arwen can or should serve as some sort of example of how mortality is just as good as immortality. That's just not what The Tale is about. Elrond's grief and worry about Arwen have a prominent place in it, and it seems justified by how it ends. So does Arwen's own eventual doubt of death as a gift and sudden understanding of the Númenoreans.

And Arwen is not a very good example of a mortal.

Aragorn is! If you want your representation of acceptance of mortality and death as a gift in this story look no further. He's right there. It doesn't have to be a woman, you know. Elros is another good example. So is Earendil, in fact! He wanted to be mortal.

Arwen, on the other hand, is almost 3000 years old, has lived her entire life so far (for a sense of scale-- 2700 years ago is around the mythological founding of Rome) surrounded by Elvish culture. She is not human. She has no idea what it is like to be human, as we see her find out at the end of the tale, and how could she?

She is not Lúthien either, though everyone has always compared her on the shallow basis of her looks (which, well-- a woman reduced to her looks? Hm), to a point that she eventually seem to go along with it. She is not shape-shifting, fearless, half-divine ancestress.

Arwen's personality in the Tale is not much. But it is not Lúthien 2.0. And she shouldn't have to serve as an example of the value of choosing mortality-- we have Elros, Earendil and Lúthien for that, if you must.

A lot of the story is about (mistakes about) identity, gaps of understanding, and incomplete echoes of the past.

Her more complicated motivations, conflicted feelings and horrible slow, lonely death at the end make for a much more interesting story than a simple repeat of the pattern, and a more interesting character too.

[ask-lu-wild]

Ask-LU-Wild

Hello and welcome to the show! Ask-LU-Wild (ALUW) is a blog that consists of primarily comics and text posts where you get to ask the Hero of the Wilds the questions you've been dying to know!

Please remember that as of the "Fairies, We Shrank the Wild" (previously "a not-so-wild child") arc, Wild uses the pronouns They/Them. They still identify as a boy currently. This is subject to change in the future.

My name is Author. I'm 22, and my pronouns are Vi/Viol, as in Violet.

Ask-LU-Wild Started out as a fanfiction of Linked Universe by Jojo, but the story and characters are vastly different. As of 14 April 2022, despite the name of the blog staying the same, its association with Linked Universe is somewhat distant.

CONTENT WARNING: Ask-LU-Wild contains scenes that are highly graphic in the blood, gore, and body horror sense. Viewer discretion advised.

If you would like to still read the blog but still filter specific subjects, please refer to the Trigger Warnings section in "A Link to the Tags". Remember that the more graphic content will be labeled under Nightmare Fuel. Please filter this tag if you feel you need to. Because our main character is low-key immortal, death is not a trigger warning.

Rules

Use the inbox to only interact with the characters. If you would like to ask me, Author, something, please use @author-main.

I'm not a teacher, I'm a storyteller. I can't explain everything down to a science, and I'm learning as I go along. While I do research topics when needed, some of the things I write about are from experience and observation. Please respect and understand that. If there's something you want to help me understand, please use my main blog's inbox.

Even though this blog is no longer that connected to Linked Universe, I would ask that we keep the no NSFW/Linkcest rule. Though the Links in ALUW may be very affectionate/loving to each other, it's all platonic. That being said, I don't have a problem with a little raunchy humor every now and again. If jokes or light talk about sex bothers you, it's not constant, but reader discretion is advised anyway. Know that this isn't an attack on people who enjoy NSFW and Linkcest content, it's just that I'd like to keep the found family trope on this blog, and just... not deal with NSFW here.

Please keep personal experiences to a minimum, especially if they're heavy. They've started throwing me off and I want to keep the heavy stuff from the audience to a minimum.

If the story is getting a bit too rough for you, please leave, or take a break at the least. Your mental health is important. However, if something upsets you, please don't attack me or the story because of that. I don't know you. I don't know what you don't like, nor what hurts you. I am not responsible for you. You are your own responsibility. Please remember that.

And on that note, I think it's important for me to say that tagging triggers aren't mandatory. I didn't tag them because I'm obligated to. I have no obligation to do anything, not even make this blog. Tagging is a courtesy.

Please respect my headcanons, ships, design choices, character choices, etc. I respect all of your ideas for Linked Universe/LoZ and I request the same respect for ALUW.

I want to make note that no specific mental illnesses are chosen for these characters, except for the obvious PTSD, and occasionally depression. Things like insomnia or paranoia have been named, and symptoms of mental illness are present and touched upon.

I'm in the process of figuring out all of the Zelda games to write this story. If I miss something, bear with me, please. I don't think my versions of Four and Wind will have gone through Four Swords Adventures and Spirit Tracks.

As of this point, no manga. However, there is a potential that this rule might be retracted.

You can complement the Links, but do not ask to kiss them or act in a lewd way, especially the minor Links and other characters (Wild, Four, and Wind). Sex jokes are allowed but make sure they aren't too graphic and maybe only say those jokes around adult characters.

Links below

A Link to the Tags: all commonly-used tags in ALUW. This includes trigger warnings, character tags, and arc tags.

Note: "A not-so-wild child" has been renamed to "Fairies we Shrank the Wild"

Author-Main: My main blog. A lot of stuff happens there. I don't tag spoiler content though, so watch out for that.

Angster's Paradise Discord: A discord run by @hiddenteddy and me.

Wild's Sheikah Slate Discord: A discord mainly meant for ALUW updates and stuff. It's only run by myself.

Ko-fi: I don't get paid for this blog, obviously. But as a broke college graduate, I would appreciate it if you donated. I do commissions and own a shop too. So I recommend following.

Youtube: Occassional speedpaints.