#I'm glad you're willing to stick up for us but at the same time

[northwest-cryptid]

While we're listening to Native voices I got two things to say.

1. I'm too chicken shit to add onto this without it going in the tags so if you actually care read my tags if you want to know my thoughts on this because yeah I have things to say and...

2. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT HOYOVERSE OPENLY AND KNOWINGLY MOCKED NATIVE PEOPLE AND OUR CULTURE AND ADMITTED TO IT OPENLY. Thank you that is all.

this post sucks so bad massachusetts takes its name from the indigenous massachusett people who were genocided and whose land was stolen and that would be obvious if you would think for a single second and look up the etymology before posting. mocking a native language that was eradicated for centuries and is only now beginning to be revived is not fucking funny it is ignorant and racist and cruel

[dearestro]

New Beginnings

Summary: The start of a new chapter. Part of the Chase Miniseries.

Warnings: Innuendos and crude language.

You looked down at the thin piece of plastic in your hands. It had been the third test, and they all said the same.

Positive

It's not that you didn’t want a baby. You just weren't sure how your husband would react. He always said he wanted to have children with you, but now that it was no longer a hypothetical? Who knows what he'll say or how he'll feel! You continued to stare at the stick. Willing it to change. To be wrong. 

"Babe?" You quickly hid the test before responding. 

"Bathroom!" You heard a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" You hurried to wash your hands before opening the door to see him. 

"Hey!" You tried to sound cheery. "How was work?" You had stayed home today since you weren't feeling well.

"Fine, I missed you though. Are you feeling any better?" He asked as he leaned down to kiss your temple before massaging circles into your hips. You nodded.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna start dinner. Do you want to put on a movie?" You asked desperate to avoid conversation for fear of accidentally letting the secret slip.

"Sure, I'll be right there. Have to use the bathroom." He murmured before kissing you again as you left.

You had started to cut up some vegetables when you heard his voice.

"Sweetheart? Are we out of toilet paper?" He yelled.

"I'm coming!" You quickly made your way to the laundry room to get a few more rolls before going to the bathroom. You had just opened the door to see him rifling through the cabinet next to the toilet.

"What's this?" He asked as he picked up a plastic stick. Your heart dropped as you rushed forward to grab it for him.

"It's nothing! Here!" You traded the toilet paper for the test before quickly leaving, hoping he didn't recognize the object. 

You sat down on the couch and tried to calm your breathing. Surely you had gotten it away from him quick enough...right? You looked back down at the stick and shuddered. What if he found out? He was going to find out eventually...but you wanted more time. What if the two of you weren't ready? What if he didn't want the baby? What if- 

Your thoughts were interrupted as the cushion next to you sunk down.

"Is that what I think it is?" You avoided looking at him and only nodded. "We're gonna have a baby?" You nodded again, holding your breath as silence fell over the two of you. Suddenly, his arms wrapped around you, and you were in a bone crushing hug. "This is great!" You exhaled in relief at his admission before hugging him back. Tears that you hadn’t even known you had started to stream down your cheeks in relief. 

"I'm so glad you're happy!" You cried into his shoulder.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He pulled back brows furrowed as he swiped at your tears.

"I was scared..." You admitted. Of course, seeing his reaction, it now seemed silly. He laughed before pressing his lips to your forehead.

"You were scared? I just about had a heart attack on the toilet!" You laughed at his words. "I can't wait to have this baby with you..." He whispered as you smiled.

The next day you went to work. You and Robert agreed that he could tell the doctors while you stuck to the nurses. You had made your way through the day before being called to House's office. Occasionally, he would page you as you were one of the few nurses he didn't absolutely despise, but even that was rare. However, you couldn't picture House congratulating you either, so you weren't sure what exactly he wanted.

Once you arrived, you were quickly embraced by Cameron.

"Congratulations!" She shouted. You were a little surprised at the sudden gesture but quickly hugged her back. 

"Thanks." You smiled. "Did you guys need something?" You looked at the doctors before turning to House.

"Nope. Your bffs insisted on calling you up here to congratulate you." He said as he sat down in a huff, obviously annoyed with the interruption. You rolled your eyes at his childish behavior before turning to the others.

"Congrats." Said Foreman as he came up to hug you.

"Well, thank you. I appreciate it." You smiled at them. "Where's Robert?" You looked around, noticing the absence of your husband.

"Telling Wilson! And retrieving my 50 bucks." You furrowed your brow at House's response. "He thought you would make it at least a year before getting pregnant." He shrugged. "I figured it'd be soon. After all, Chase is like a cat in heat." You snorted before composing yourself as the aforementioned man walked in.

"Babe, what are you doing here?" He asked as he came up beside you.

"My money?" House interrupted before you could respond. Robert rolled his eyes before handing the cash to him.

"You know, I think I should get half of that! After all, I'm the reason you won." He argued.

"No. Presumably, the reason I won is because of a faulty condom. I'll send 'your' half to Trojan." 

"Whatever."

[dandylion240]

Simblr Gratitude Day

First of all I want to say a huge thank you to any and all of you who have read, liked or commented on my stories. I really appreciate any and all interaction with me and my stories. You keep me going when I feel like quitting.

At first I was uncomfortable with tagging individuals as I don't want anyone to feel left out or feel bad. I know all too well how that feels. Whether you're listed hear individually or not I want you know I appreciate seeing your sims on my dash are sorely missed when you're not there. ILY

@izayoichan - I love your story with and without pictures. Chris and Hayle have had my heart since the beginning. I love that when I have a problem I can come to you whether it be personal or simblr or writing related. Thank you for being a friend and sharing your sims with me being willing to read my stories and making suggestions that make them even better. And putting up with me when whine because your characters refuse to do what I want them to XD

@mahvaladara - for as much as a complain about Arlo and Fann I love their story. Thank you for sharing it with us and putting up with me when i disagree. Thank you for sharing your sims with me and being a part of my story world. You've only made them better!

@wannabecatwriter - thank you for sticking with me for so long. You were one of the first people to read my stories and I think we came to tumblr around the same time. Thank you for all the sims you've shared with me through the years. My stories wouldn't be the same without you.

@joannebernice - thank you for sharing your awesome stories with us and your poses. Your poses are some of my favorites. You have me on pins and needles with what's going to happen with Michaela.

@theosconfessions - ILY and your sims and for putting up with me when I disagree with their decisions. I don't know you draw me into their world and want to scream at them at the same time. I missed you when you were gone. So glad you came back!

@rebouks - love your story and poses. I love Oscar and his family and am looking forward to what happens next. You're poses are among my favorites.

@stargazer-sims - I look forward to whatever you decide to work on next. Keep being you!

@amuhav - i'm waiting patiently for the next up date....yes that's a hint. I'm practically dying from Loch withdrawal.

@simlit - you're a wonderful story teller and one day I'm going to sit down and binge read everything. Thank you for sharing. And I still love your poses and use all the time.

@treason-and-plot - what can I say....Roy he encompasses everything there is to say. I look forward to the next outrageous stunt Roy comes up with.

@holocene-sims - Grant....he deserves to be. Thank you for sharing his story.

@katmk36 @cawthorntales @cas-sims @reverieinsimlish @kimmiessimmies @bool-prop @booomcha @courtleymanor @winterspixels @dstarstories @anamoon63 @simsdastra @satureja13 @echoweaver @nikatyler @box-of-sims @simsstuph @gingerbeardmansim @streetlites @sweetpyxels @sweetdemolitionlovers @kalissimsblog @drawing-way-outside-the-lines @whyhellosims @enniewritesathing @profoundlyburningsimscollection @nocturnalazure @thatsimslove @miss-may-i @silverspringsimmer @ninjaofthepurplethings @bmit04 @medleymisty @igglemouse and so many more. I don't have time to name you all

[hassedah]

Do you write character x character? If so could you write some Ethan x Beliath nsfw stuff? I absolutely adore your work, you're doing amazing, keep doing what you do

NSFW EthanxBeliath :

Hi! How are you? I hope you are well? ^^

Thank you, I'm glad you like my headcanons. ^^

Here's the headcanons you requested! I don't mind writing headcanons between characters. I hope you enjoy it! ^^

Take care of yourself and have a nice day! ^^

SFW :

If you asked Vladimir what he thought, he'd tell you that the worst idea Beliath and Ethan could have had was to get together. They fight and bicker even more than before. It's not because they don't love each other, it's because they really love to bicker over small things. Their relationship has become a kind of show on which others speculate and debate (yes, even Vladimir who complains though).

Ethan, especially, leaves, slamming the door dramatically after every argument, and Beliath happily goes off to win back his ex-partner's heart (it's his ex-partner for the next 15 minutes, despite his best efforts Ethan finds it very hard to be truly angry with the incubus).

They used to stick together when they were friends, but it's only got worse. Because despite their argument, they still agree to disagree with the rest of the mansion. It drives Vladimir and Aaron completely mad.

When they're not arguing, they like to take time for themselves. Beliath invites Ethan to restaurants and Ethan insists on taking a holiday away from the manor at least once a year.

They always like to flirt together at the Moondance, which sometimes creates a bit of conflict between them because Ethan can be slightly jealous, either because Beliath doesn't pay him enough attention or because Beliath has managed to hit on someone he wanted before him.

NSFW :

They had sex together because they wanted the same person at the Moondance and that person was totally willing to have them both. They enjoyed this relationship much more than they thought they would and they both did it again later. At first, there was always a human to share the moment with them, then gradually, there were no more humans.

Ethan is a tracker, and there's nothing he loves more than chasing his partner through the forest. What makes it even more exciting with Beliath is that he's also pretty good at hunting. Although Ethan never admits it, he loves being caught at his own game and realising at the last minute that he was the prey and not the hunter.

They're noisy, noisy in a way you can't imagine, and it's mainly Beliath's fault. He doesn't know how to be quiet and doesn't like being quiet. For his part, Ethan tries to be a little bit more discreet, really a little bit more, but Beliath always does a very good job of blackmailing his partner and he always feels a great sense of satisfaction when he finally manages to make Ethan incoherent.

Ethan likes to dominate and Beliath is happy to let him. He knows that Ethan has a great need to control the situation to feel comfortable and he wants his partner to have a good time. As their relationship develops, Beliath sometimes reverses the situation from time to time when he thinks it might be fun for them together.

Any surface and any room is a good place to have sex. For them, there's nothing more exciting than taking the risk of being surprised.

Beliath loves to tease Ethan during meetings. His hands always end up under the table to caress the doctor, who manages to remain silent most of the time. The looks he gives him never convince the incubus to stop his little game, even though he knows that his partner will take revenge later in a devious manner.

It's Beliath who bites the most, so Ethan often ends up with a lot of bite marks, and he always complains a bit about this, before insisting that Beliath do more, however, although Ethan enjoys being bitten, he prefers to keep the bite marks hidden. For his part, Béliath loves to have bite marks on him, and he certainly doesn't hide them. He prefers them to be clearly visible, and he doesn't hesitate to wear light clothing to ensure this is the case.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Hi, this is the same anon that asked about the stingray from LOA :) I don't know what the other anon was saying?? Take all the time you want or need to work on WIPs, because we know you're going back to them at some point. You've given us more than enough to hold us off, too- art, drabbles, the 101 project on top of everything. You're doing a lot for a hobby and I'm really grateful that you put as much time and effort into your work as you do, because your writing is amazing. That being said, Changing Currents has altered my brain chemistry I think. I originally followed your work for the porn, but now I'm caught up and tangled in like seven different stories. Very glad I found your work in the first place, because it inspired me to at least open up a document on my own computer and write some stuff for my friends.

Hello again! I hope you had fun if you ended up picking up one for yourself lol

I appreciate the kind words, I'm still going to keep writing at the pace I feel like working, and I'm grateful to the people who are willing to stick around and be patient for those stories!

Changing Currents is a fun piece, and I'm happy that it has been so well-received! I hope you have been having fun writing for your friends and that they've also been enjoying your work!

[cross-my-heartt]

Some thoughts on the first book in the Thrawn trilogy.

They're a bit messy because I'm going off of memory as I didn't take notes at the time but oh well.

[MAJOR SPOILERS FROM HERE ON, BEWARE!]

I'm gonna start by saying that I didn't expect the adventures of space Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson but I'm definitely not complaining. It's a tried and true formula and Nightswan as their Moriarty worked well while it lasted.

Also you know a book and its characters are good when it gets you to cheer for the 'bad guys'. And I'm only putting that in quotes because you get a genuine sense that despite the corruption and bias galore, a large part of the personnel are just regular people working a job and trying to go about their lives.

Arihnda's arc was really well done - you sympathize with her while she's an underdog, getting betrayed, manipulated and used by others. She's wily and ambitious and resilient and you're like yas, queen slay. But the more she plays the game the more you see her crossing lines until the final arc where you realize just how ruthless she's become, or maybe always was, and you get that sense of 'oh shit'. (Keep in mind I haven't watched rebels so I didn't know where she would end up.)

It's the same sense you get when you reach the Wookie slaves arc and it sinks in that the quirky duo you've been following are in fact working for the most evil person in the galaxy.

As for Thrawn himself, I didn't expect to enjoy him this much. His final conversation with Nightswan in particular - I always felt like there was something off about his motivations and his apparent ignorance in politics. That scene confirmed that he's even cleverer and craftier than he lets on and put that dissonance to rest.

He's persuasive to the point where you almost wish things would go his way too. I love how it's a running theme throughout the book for people to be frustrated by how much sense he makes and you even sympathize with that as a reader sometimes.

I'm really happy with the parallels the author makes throughout, something I'm seeing in Alliances as well. There's Thrawn and his art and Eli and his numbers, Thrawn's 'bigger picture' logic and Nightswan's principles. Characters really shine when they have a good foil in the story.

And finally Eli. Another character I didn't expect to like so much. Such a genuine plucky guy. It was fun to see him go from being ambiguous about Thrawn to constantly being shocked at how much he trusts him. And being so protective of him, bless.

I'm glad he got his own arc, going from someone who's charted out his whole future and desperately wants to stick to what's familiar to being willing to leave all of that behind and jump into the unknown by joining the Chiss (which was foreshadowed in Thrawn's conversation with Nightswan but still made me a bit sad).

Of course, I do have some complaints, the biggest one being the dialogue and how clunky and awkward it feels at times. Which is especially obvious when you have these supposed cunning politicians throwing the simplest most blunt threats at each other with no subtlety whatsoever.

The book's exposition also suffered because of it. I daresay that has improved in book two but that may just be because there's less politician talk and it's a mostly military setting.

Finally a lot of Thrawn's conclusions feel like a huge reach but I'm willing to let that one slide. Say we assume he knows more than he lets on to the readers.

But all things considered, those are minor complaints and I really enjoyed the book. Can definitely say I'm tempted to see all four seasons of Rebels just to get more of Thrawn.

[prismatoxic]

'usual chilaios headcanons' i agree with your takes alot so if you're willing to share i'd love to hear them! even if its paragraphs long, especially if its paragraphs long! your writing tickles the brain in the best way possible

thank you anon... i'm glad you enjoy the bullshit i say and also make

it's hard for me to summarize i think in particular because i am quite fluid with how i approach headcanons. characters tend to stay close to canon (more or less depending on how much i like canon and also what story i'm doing), and the ways in which they differ vary from fic to fic, roleplay to roleplay, drawing to drawing... i know i HAVE defaults but let me see if i can actually come up with something to say about them.

trans chilchuck is one i use a lot, and while i do actually quite like cis chilchuck and greatly enjoy the things my friends do with him, it feels so me like i should put in the work if i want more trans chilchuck stuff out there. i feel like this comes across as it being all i like, but no; i'm just being fed already by all the cischuckers. besides, i love writing transmasc characters, so it works out for me. i wouldn't even say i have any compelling reasons for it. i just like it. i like the idea of him and his wife both being trans and him being the whole who had their kids.

now, as for some others i default to... i love gay laios. i think you can make a compelling case for a lot of sexualities with him, but i'm very fond of him being gay and it just not being something that ever reasonably comes up. i think i probably default to pan falin so there'd be this solidarity between them at the same time as laios realizing he doesn't also like just anyone. he's got a lot going on, and interests that far outweigh romance (especially given his feelings on people), so he doesn't typically consider doing anything with it. (this is also part of why the mage before they brought on marcille couldn't get anywhere with him; it wasn't just him being socially clueless, it was also him having 0 interest in her the way she wanted.)

chilchuck is bi for me, and he's both casual about it and also generally unwilling to talk about it. once he's more comfortable with his friends i imagine he just tosses it out there, but before then, his sexuality is another one of those things you couldn't pry out of him if you tried.

god, after that... i dunno. either i stick to their canon backstories/personalities with a little personal flair, or i have them behave differently for an AU. i could probably come up wiht more for specific questions, but tragically when left to my own devices i can be kind of aimless. gomenasai 🙏 i hope this was fun anyway

[lucedilunax]

Heeey V!!!

Thank you🥹 actually my stuffy nose is getting worse LMAO I ain’t gonna lie, being sick sucks 😂🤣😂 please take care of yourself too!! WINTER IS COMING

Today was last day of my work and I’m starting new work from Friday and I’m excited at the same time sad because there’s no other people who are in the same age range as me🥹 ahhhh how’s work for you!

DUDE best ending ever 🥹💖 thank god for this universe and tumblr i somehow found ya!!!🫶🏻✨ every Johnny girl should read it!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES YES YES AND WE WILL CHEER FOR MARINO WITH ALL OUR HEARTS EVEN JUST ONE GAME

Omg I’ll share with you with anything!! You are so easy to talk to🥹💖 and thank you for listening!!🫶🏻 I’m all ears if you ever need to talk to me ok!

My love, please eat 💕 one meal a day is a good start, and food is fuel and dellliiiicioooouusssss!!!!! 🥹🫶🏻💪🏻

Ok so for your situation-ship , I literally have no right to say anything but V, Luna, you deserve the very best. I don’t know you in person but I know you’re sweet, generous, and a good person from your vibe from here. You’re beautiful inside & outside!!!! I KNOW IT.

well I don’t know you in person, but I KNOW in fact he doesn’t deserve you my darling!!!!!! Wait is he like really handsome or??? Still still still… Sex is great, (I’m glad I broke up with my exes and sexless is boring at times 😂🤣😂) but being single and having no drama is the biggest pleasure!!!!!!!!!! I swear

I don’t want you to get hurt again, I really don’t. I really really don’t. Being hurt sucks. You deserve the best and it sucks there’s not much great people laying around anywhere 🙄 but you do, I do, deserve the best - someone who will treat you right and love you as who you are.

I’ll DM you privately on my main tumblr, so feel free to message me or blast or rant when you feel sad okay!! You are not alone, you’re talented and beautiful, and if you ever need me I’m here!

- Kiki🐬

aww sorry to hear that:( remember to drink a lot of hot tea and to keep yourself warm under the blanket!! hope you'll get settle down fast in your new work, sometimes people in different age than yours are better to chat so you it might be fun haha

aww thank you so much! you don't have a clue how much those words means to me💕oh please, if i will see marino back on the ice, they will be able to hear my scream in utah haha

thank you for the trust! i'm willing to listen and help as much as i can❤️

i'm trying my best to eat as much as i can but old habits never dies sadly and there's still lots of work on this aspect

i can agree with you actually, being single is great! it's lovely not to care about other person and just focus on yourself but it's so complicated now, technically i am single but still i feel the weird connection like we're a couple (when we are not)

i'm used to being hurt all the time by people i love so i kinda learn how to live with disappointed and the pain and i feel that the reason why i'm sticking next to his side but it is what it is

thank you for those kind words, i cried a little bit when i read this so thank you, sending all my love to you honey, you're so kind and respectful❤️

[bluexgreenava]

Heart-to-heart talk ( 💙/💚)

– Blue?

– Yes, Green?

– How do you think, what's the meaning of life for creatures like us?... Stick figures..

– Well... Probably it's about self-realization in absolutely various fields, not necessarily in all, but at least in one-two. For example, me in cooking and alchemy, and you in art, music and in combat skills, martial arts. And then, using the skills you've learned, to explore our limitless world called "The Internet", a variety of its websites, apps, applying this skills in action, somehow. And how do you suppose?

– I suppose that meaning of stick figure's life lies in countless battles and fights face-to-face with various "threats", that occure wherever you go. And since The Internet is full of creatures of all kinds (including us) and some of them choose not creative, but destructive path in their lives, you have quite many "threats" to prevent ahead of you. And if you're not the only one trying to deal with enemies, both help and responsibility are added, and not just for your life only anymore, but lives of your friends and allies as well.

– So, we can add to your opinion, that meaning of life is also about protecting and helping close friends?

– Yup, that's right.

– That was very valiant and deep, my friend. And at this point, I thought of Purple. After all, he spent most of his life alone, without friends or tight-knit family... I can't imagine how hard it was on his heart, and yet he kept the strength to live for something. I can confirm for sure, this is one of the most strong-willed stick figures I have ever met. Those sticks like him usually end up with suicide, but he's definitely not the type to just give up.

– Except for.. what he used to do, like betraying and leaving us almost to perish, I still don't consider it as a strong-willed person's trait. But of course he never meant us any sincere harm, everything is explained by desire to assert himself by indulging others and pleasing them with everything he can, having no idea whether it's worth doing or not. But it's good that all this is in the past and from now on he's with us, we won't leave him to his fate ever again and will teach him how to behave properly, following the principles of morality. He might well become like us, perhaps, even better... though, we're all not that perfect either.

– Yeah... At least we stand by each other and learn new things together... Though we're still those blockheads, heh))

– Even blockheads stick together forever, man. We came from the same website, live together and we'll die together. Understood? 💚

– Understood, understood. But I hope we will live for a long, long time... Geez, what a creepy example you've given!! But at least I'm glad that you appreciate me and us. ^^ 💙

Thank you for reading till the end 💖💗💖💗💖💗 Merry New Year Eve!!! ✨🌟🤗

Written: by owner of this blog :D ✨

Art by: @lingye

[chloeangelic]

OMG! The new chapter of ''Love Me Back'' is so much. How can something that starts like this chapter end up so badly? As with any good story, I knew the angst was around the corner, but what an ending.😳

I loved how you put her mental issues out in the open, with her thoughts and the therapy session in the first part of the chapter. It makes her more realistic, complex, and easier to comprehend. I totally get her. I share some of her thoughts, but at the same time, this chapter made me a bit angry. I hope the next part makes sense at the end. The mix of feelings this chapter made me feel is murky. Which shows me how well-written I found it and how much I liked it.

Self-worth can be a tricky thing, especially when starting a new relationship adds the fear of showing your true self and being rejected, a thing she's already gone through by the glimpses of her past relationships. Being told you're not girlfriend/wife material can create deep wounds, increasing her mental health struggles.

Their relationship is new, and they still have a lot to settle. I know WORDS are IMPORTANT, and they are needed, but seeing Joel show her with his actions what he wants (after all, he wouldn't let anyone get close to his daughter and develop a connection) while the reader is not able to acknowledge it, is frustrating. Not talking beforehand makes the whole situation way worse. The offer of take of Sarah, I feel like she might not be using her words yet, but she's putting herself out. She's trying to give Joel what he needs and be someone he can rely on, to be a team. The pain of Joel's rejection, coupled with his initial lack of attention, causes everything to explode. When, for once, she has the strength to defend herself and express her feelings, it's one of the worst moments.

I would love to read Joel's thoughts on the whole scene. He has so many fronts at the same time. I'm not excusing him because he could have handled the whole situation better (both of them could have). He also has his struggles and anxieties clouding his perception of the reader's emotions, making it harder for him to open himself and accept help. I hope the situation gets solved soon.

I trust you can pull out something from my ramble and that it wasn't too much, lol.😅 Thanks for the chapter! Despite preferring fluff, I'm a sucker for angst like the one you wrote.♥️

Ahhh im so glad you enjoyed it and got something out of it!!! i definitely think that new relationships are a massive catalyst for self worth issues because its such a vulnerable state to be in and youre so afraid of the other person finding something out about you thats suddenly a dealbreaker and just peacing out.

LMB girl has held soooo much back from joel, thinking shes shielding him from it, and it blows up in her face so bad cause she has this vault of crap thats bound to explode open with one little bad vibe from joel, even though theyre both misplacing their frustration. ive tried to make this fic as realistic as possible, and i think a lot of us have had periods of bottling things up and not being able to expect when the last drop hits

the whole series having such a mental health focus wasnt my intention when i started writing it - my initial idea was for it to be more FWB centered actually, but ive ended up including so much of my own experiences with self worth issues and subsequent healing, and that has made the whole thing more interesting i think

joels thoughts come out in ch 7!!!

so glad youre willing to suffer through my angst, and theres a lot of fluff coming up which is very uncharacteristic for me but we all need to see joel and his crab girl happy - they deserve it hahaha

thanks for sticking around, i love reading your detailed thoughts on the chapters <3 <3 <3

[margridarnauds]

🌞 🤩 🤯 for the fanfic writer asks? 💖

Thank you so much!

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

Honestly, I probably do my best in the morning when I can wake up refreshed, but since that almost never happens, late at night when there's nothing to disturb me save the ghosts of other things I should be doing.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

All time? For dialogue, probably Heisenberg from RE8; I miss working with him. He has this very blunt, irreverent way of speaking that he sometimes changes out for this very smooth, charismatic way of speaking where he puts a lot of emphasis on every other word (and that is always at risk of falling to pieces because it is NOT his natural state). I'm used to dealing with very aristocratic characters who are restrained, who very rarely let you know what's going on in their head, and who have this very formal way of speaking, so it was and is a joy to break out of it with him. (Raphael is very much a return to form, though he's interesting because of how much more elaborate he is with his speech -- most of my aristocrats have been military nobles to some extent or another, and so they usually have this very clipped way of speaking, but Raphael, despite always being deliberate and calculating in how he's going into a situation, ALSO talks a lot, he ornaments his language a lot. It actually makes it very hard to write him, because it's very much not intuitive for me and it's always tempting to fall back on old habits and use Lazare Voice on him.)

At the moment? Malla. I love Kitrye, but Malla is very fun specifically because she is (1) much more chaotic and (2) has some of the best dialogue, especially when you get her banter with Kitrye. You never know exactly where she's going to land during any given scene, there's always this level of unpredictability to what she's going to do (which has been an ongoing theme because, in her early days, *I* didn't know what she was going to do), and her arrival always marks a turning point. I'm very glad that she dropped into my lap one day, can't imagine doing this without her.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

I hate writing smut. It is, bar none, my least favorite genre to write. I enjoy writing about INTIMACY, but not smut. It's very hard to not be self-conscious or to not accidentally fall into doing the same things (...I was about to say "rut"), using the same descriptions for the same actions that A Thousand Other Smutfics Do or, on the reverse, to accidentally ruin it with a single bad line. It isn't that you can relax on the characterization for ANY scene, but with smut, I'm really, really constantly having to think "okay, how would these characters do this in a way that feels real to them", because it's very easy to slip into (...no double entendre intended) porn-isms. And depending on the characters, they can take a scene in an entirely different direction and then you have to readjust for THAT. Angst is fine -- I love tearing people's hearts out and stomping on them, and it's relatively easy to do if people are already inclined to like a character. Humor? Much more difficult to stick the landing on, since it's so subjective, but still relatively easy and intuitive for me, particularly if you're willing to go into crackfic territory, and I have NEVER been particularly attached to upholding the dignity of any of the characters I've written. Action -- Not my favorite, but can still be glanced over especially since, with the exception of RE8, I've rarely NEEDED to write it. Smut? Hate.

...and yet here we are.

[beas-whump-blog]

@chrumblr-whumblr day 4! The prompt was "watching while loved one is hurt".

Fandom: Hardy Boys (Franklin W. Dixon book series)

-

Joe awoke with his head pounding, and a digging pain in his wrists. His hands were tied behind his back, and by the stiffness in his shoulders, probably had been for a while.

He was sitting up in the corner of a dimly lit storeroom, metal shelves full of tools lining the walls. He winced at the crick in his neck and shifted uncomfortably.

“Joe,” came a familiar voice from the other back corner. “You okay?”

“Frank,” he sighed in relief. “Yeah, I think I'm alright. How about you?”

“My head hurts. I think they hit us with something.”

Joe winced, feeling the splitting pain in the back of his own head.

“Sounds about right,” he agreed. “What is this place?”

“I don't know, but I'd be willing to guess it's one of Mr. Mahoney's stores,” Frank said. “What he brought us here for, I couldn't tell you.”

The meaning of his words was obvious. By all rights, they should be dead by now. Criminals as dangerous as Rick Mahoney didn't just let amateur sleuths like them stick around after being caught.

“You think he wants something from us?” Joe asked, understanding.

“I'd bet my life on it. The only question is what.”

Joe nodded.

“Well, hopefully we won't be sticking around long enough to find out. Dad knows we went to see Mr. Mahoney, right? When he finds we haven't returned, he'll be able to figure out the rest pretty quickly. He knows Mahoney's no idiot—our cover was never going to last long.”

Frank smiled wryly.

“It just didn't last as long as we'd hoped.”

The heavy-looking door opened, and both boys shut up.

“Frank and Joe Hardy!” Mahoney exclaimed pleasantly, testing out their real names instead of using the aliases they had been going by as he stepped into the room. “Glad to see you two awake.” His tone was good-natured, but the door swung shut behind him with a deafening finality. “If I had known I was working with the sons of the famous Fenton Hardy this past week, I would have shaken your hands!”

“I'm sure,” Joe said dryly, and Frank shot him a look that clearly warned against antagonizing the man currently holding them captive.

Mahoney just laughed.

“You’re a lot like your father, you know that?”

“He taught us everything he knows,” Joe said carefully, avoiding Frank's disapproving gaze.

“I can see that—you managed to infiltrate my operation, after all. That takes skill. Unfortunately, there's only so far your father's lessons can carry you. Even he isn't invincible.”

“What do you want?” Frank asked, probably trying to get a confession before Joe could make the situation worse for them with another smart comment. “Information on him? You really think we'd turn on our own dad?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” Mahoney chuckled. “I'd never expect that of a couple of honourable Hardy’s. No, you're going to help me another way.”

Joe didn't like the sound of that. Not at all. And a quick glance at Frank told him he felt the same.

“I assume you know how many times your father has investigated me?” Mahoney asked.

Joe looked to Frank to answer, deciding it was probably best to let him take the lead from here on out. Frank nodded at Mahoney.

“Not an exact number, but he’s mentioned your name more than a few times.”

Mahoney seemed satisfied with that.

“Well then, you should know that despite the fact that he's never found anything actionable, he's been a terrible thorn in my side for years. So I'd like to hurt him back, and what better way than through his sons?”

“If you hurt us, he's only going to come after you harder. You'll never escape. He won't let you,” Frank said, seemingly unshaken.

“He's right,” Joe agreed, trying to copy his brother's cool-headed facade. “Right now you're just another criminal. Touch us, and it's personal.”

Mahoney's smile widened.

“I’m glad to hear you say that, because personal is exactly what I'm going for. He's hurt my operation. So now I'm going to hurt him, through you.”

He stepped forward and grabbed Frank by the front of his shirt, pulling him to his feet and slamming him against the wall.

“Hey!” Joe yelled. “Leave him alone!”

Mahoney glanced at Joe, uninterested, before returning his attention to Frank.

“Really, I'm doing you a favour here,” he said reasonably. “I know you'd rather I hurt you than your younger brother. You can thank me later.” He drove his fist into Frank's stomach, and he tried to double over, gasping, but Mahoney kept him pinned to the wall. He punched him once more in the stomach, and Frank grunted, red in the face and unable to breathe.

“Stop it!” Joe protested, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. “Stop, leave him alone! Frank!”

“Joe,” Frank coughed. “It's fine. I'll be fine, it's okay.”

Mahoney's fist connected with Frank's mouth next, and Frank yelped, blood dribbling down his chin as he panted.

Mahoney finally released him and allowed him to hunch over, then put a forceful hand on his back and drove a knee into the boy's stomach. Frank’s legs gave out, and he fell to the floor with his arms wrapped around his stomach as he wheezed.

“Frank!” Joe exclaimed, holding back tears. “Frank, just hold on, okay? You'll be alright. You'll be alright.”

Almost ten minutes later, Joe wasn't sure his words were true anymore. Frank lay unmoving on the hard floor, groaning softly, and he himself was hoarse from screaming.

“You know, I meant what I said about doing him a favour,” Mahoney said, turning toward Joe. “I think he'd much rather not have to watch his little brother suffer.”

Joe's eyes widened as the man stepped forward and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him off the ground and cutting off his air supply. He was slammed against the wall, and his head exploded with pain. The last of his precious air left his lungs, leaving him gasping like a fish.

He knew he had to stay calm, but all his training had gone out the window. He could hear Frank's low moan of protest as his shoulders ached, and his knuckles complained about how they were sandwiched painfully between the wall and his back. He kicked wildly, but he was losing energy, and the edges of his vision were going dark.

He couldn't keep this up for long. His kicking slowed, then stopped, and eventually he couldn't do anything but hang there, limp, mouth open in desperation as his line of sight grew narrower and narrower.

Then there was a loud bang and lots of shouting, along with yells of “Bayport Police!”, and suddenly the grip around Joe's neck was released. He hit the ground hard, kneecaps feeling like they might shatter as they met the concrete. He collapsed to his side, curling into a ball as he choked and gasped.

There wasn't enough air. He needed more. He took deep, desperate breaths that burned his lungs, not stopping despite the pain they caused. He needed air, he needed to breathe, he needed-

“Joe! Joe, it's alright. Just breathe. Come on, you can do it, son.”

Dad.

There was a gentle hand running through his hair as he gasped, vision beginning to clear, and he wanted to tell him not to worry, to go help Frank, Frank was hurt, but couldn't stop his panicked breaths long enough to get the words out.

“You're alright, son, you're alright,” came that calming voice once more, and Joe selfishly couldn't help but be grateful for it, despite knowing Frank needed it more than he did. He reached out and clung to his father's arm like a lifeline, and his father held him back, pulling him up and cradling him gently as his panting gradually subsided.

Dad, he tried to say, but instead coughed horribly and painfully, his raw throat feeling like murder.

“It's alright son, don't speak. I've got you.”

Frank, he tried this time, but the result was the same.

“It's okay, Joe. It's okay,” came a hoarse whisper, and he could have cried in relief. Frank was leaning on their father's shoulder, he could see now, looking down at him with concern.

Joe couldn't decide if he wanted to say you look terrible or something more genuine, but when it came down to it, he still couldn't speak. So instead he smiled weakly at his brother and reached out a hand, fumbling until he had a firm grip, and Frank squeezed his hand back.

Fenton helped Joe sit up and wrapped his arms around his sons, sighing with relief as they both leaned into him.

“I'm so glad you two are alright. Your mother and I have been worried sick,” he told them. “And your Aunt Gertrude was practically in hysterics. You know she didn't like the sound of this case from the beginning.”

“She never does,” Frank smiled, and Joe almost laughed, but restrained himself, knowing his throat couldn't take it. But his father felt him shake with the effort, and held him a little tighter with a slight grin.

After a moment, Joe turned back to Frank, allowing guilt to overwrite his features.

I'm sorry, he mouthed, and Frank's face fell.

“Joe, this isn't your fault,” he told him.

“He's right, Joe,” their father agreed. “If anything, it's mine, for letting you take this case. I knew how dangerous Mahoney was, and still-”

“Dad, stop,” Frank said firmly. “It's not your fault either. Joe and I both agreed to take this case. You warned us about Mahoney, and we underestimated him. It's nobody's fault, we'll just have to learn from it.”

Fenton stared at his eldest son for a moment before smiling, tracing a gentle thumb across the discoloured bruises that mottled his face.

“How did you get so smart, huh?”

Must've been mom's side, Joe tried to joke, but all that came out was a pained wheeze.

“Easy there, Joe. Come on, we need to get you two to the hospital. There's an ambulance waiting outside.

Joe stood shakily first, so that their father could help Frank. Frank leaned on him heavily, obviously in pain, but didn't complain.

“I'm proud of you boys,” Fenton said as an officer held the door open for them. Normally Joe would have smiled at his father's words, but at the moment he was too distracted, scanning the room behind them before it was out of sight.

“The police already took Mahoney away,” Frank told him, as if reading his mind. “You were still pretty out of it.” Joe nodded, satisfied. He'd hate to think that after all that trouble, he'd somehow managed to slip away.

“There's no way he's getting out of this one,” Fenton confirmed, walking them outside. “You two did good work, I hope you know that. But that doesn't mean that these kinds of risks are always going to be worth it. Hell, I’m not even sure this one was worth it.” He hesitate before continuing. “I don't know what I'd do if I lost either of you. So just… remember to be careful, okay?”

“If we needed a reminder, this was it,” Frank said wryly. “And you know that goes for you too, right? We need you. The police probably wouldn't have figured out where we were without you.”

Fenton smiled at that.

“And how do you know they didn't?”

“How did you get here so fast?”

“Maybe Chief Collig called me.”

Frank and Joe exchanged a knowing smile.

“Maybe. But?” Frank prompted for both of them.

“… But he didn't,” their father admitted with a grin, and Joe bumped him with his shoulder as if to say, that's what I thought. Fenton wrapped his other arm around him, and the three walked out to the ambulance together, shaky, exhausted, and two of them in pain, but even so, content now that they were safely together again.

[destinygoldenstar]

Oh, The Fires Back, Okay, Moving On ; So I Finally Read ‘Quest For Lost Powers’ (Commentary Part 6; Fighting Fire With Fire)

<< Part 5

It’s over! The Fire Chapter is FINALLY OVER.

Let's just jump right into it so we can move on to another ninja's story.

Last time, Kai entered the realm of Indiana Jones. Skylor was un-invited cause Kai's a jerk like that. And now Kai is about to die from the fire snake except not really.

Also it turns out his powers aren't even from the snake, and he has to find it deep within himself to get them back.

You know, he learned THE SAME THING in Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu, so you think this would be obvious.

[Skylor raced into the cave and flipped into the offerings pile, picking up a large, metal garbage can lid as her feet landed. Then she jumped between Kai and Fire Fang and blocked the fiery blast, using the lid as a shield.]

What a surprise, she never left.

She had so little faith in her boyfriend that she KNEW he would f**k up. So she waited in the back until seconds before his death.

What a supportive girlfriend /j /s

[Skylor dropped the red-hot shield and Kai saw she was wearing Master Chen’s fireproof oven mitts on her hands. Why didn’t I think of those? he thought.]

Girls are smart, boys aren't. That's the lesson of this. /j /s

Also I'm SO GLAD Chen, the man who started a whole race war on Ninjago and worshipped snakes, had fireproof oven mitts to support his plans.

[Kai flashed back to the smell of Fire Fang’s hot breath, and the feeling of helplessness as the creature pinned him down. Without Skylor, he’d be toast!]

Oh, so NOW you're willing to admit it.

By your logic, I think you would've been fine on your own.

[He remembered the time he had discovered his True Potential, when he realized he needed to protect the Green Ninja. Everything he did from then on, every decision he made, was based on protecting others.]

Why is this the best paragraph in this ENTIRE story?

Fr. I never knew I NEEDED to know what happened back in Season 1 with Kai and Lloyd. He saved him, he unlocked his potential, they got out.

Because, TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SAID.

Kai devotes everything he does towards protecting others, and looking spicy doing it. He is the protector. He is the one who has to do everything.

This is the best paragraph in the story for acknowledging this.

For THIS STORY though, I wish it worked better. Because this happened back in Season 1. After several seasons, this lesson, by this point, should've been something he already knew.

[“I can’t protect others unless I let other people protect me, too,” he realized out loud.]

OKAY. I admit. That was a cool line.

[As he said the words, his eyes glowed red and he felt the power flow within him. Fire sprouted from his hands. “Kai!” Skylor cried. “Your fire powers are back!” “Yes,” he said. “And just in time.”]

The way that was worded was VERY anti-climactic.

Like, two sentences. That's it. His eyes glowed red and fire's on is palms. That's it.

I don't know, I felt like you could've worded it better to be more special, and set a good visual for the audience.

So does this mean Kai's depression is magically gone? Because he's cured. Everything is solved now. He's gonna be mostly unaffected by this whole thing.

In Dragon's Rising, that seems to be the case too. He learned to rely on others. What does he do? He leaves Lloyd after finding him.

[“Ready,” she said. “Time to fight fire with fire!”]

Yeah that's how wars start, kids.

[“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”]

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

This guys hand is just sticking out on the side. What is that?

Also the torch is the only thing that looks like fire in this image. These flames looks like spirits.

[Kai pointed at the flaming torch of one of the Fire Fiends. He raised his hand and the flame lifted up from the torch and floated in the air. Then Kai swung his arm behind him, and the flame flew through the air and joined the flames in the Lake of Fire.]

Ooh, I love that. I love the elemental powers being used in creative ways like this.

Seriously, why didn't we see Kai doing this in the actual show?

(He might have. Call me out if he did.)

[“Nice!” Skylor cheered. “But can you do a double?” She held out both arms.]

Skylor showing off.

[“My power ran out!” she cried.]

WHEN was this a rule?

This ONLY happened in Crystalized and here.

They just made up a rule that there's a limited time to the powers Skylor absorbs. All for suspense in Crystalized.

Now, I don't MIND that rule. It's good to make a weakness for an OP character.

But 1) They should've introduced this rule back in Season 4

And 2) There is NO EXPLANATION on what said limited time is.

Season 4, she could apparently have that power always with no problem.

Crystalized, it was a few hours.

Here, it's a few MINUTES.

AND in Hunted, the Oni powers didn't fade after hours, and it poisoned her to hospitality cause they had to inject it out of her body.

SET SOME RULES FOR THIS CHICK'S POWERS, AND KEEP THOSE RULES CONSISTENT.

(Rant Over)

[Kai spun into a Spinjitzu tornado, knocking the Fire Fiends off the rim of the crater. Skylor changed tactics and kicked the torches out of their hands so Kai could easily finish them. When the last fiend was toppled, Kai whirled over to Skylor for a high five.]

Yay for MURDER.

Skylor can’t just touch Kai again? He’s right there.

[“I think we qualify as a power couple now,” he said, and then…]

Oh stop. After all the garbage you gave her?

[WHOOOOOSH!]

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

[WHOMP!]

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

[The flame flew up, over the creature’s head, and crashed into the mountain, where it fizzled against the rocks.]

Yep. This guy just manipulated someone's SPIT.

[Whirrrrrrrrrrrr!]

[BAM!]

[Vrooooooom!]

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

...funny thing, I actually had noodles for dinner today.

[“We all talked, and we thought it wasn’t fair for you both to face Fire Fang and the Fire Fiends alone,” he said. “Do you need any help?”]

I do like the IDEA of the citizens being useful.

Only problem is they show up AFTER the threat is dealt with.

[“Whoa! It just vanished,” Skylor remarked. “Maybe looking for a new place to hang out,” Kai guessed. “Aspheera created Fire Fang,” Skylor pointed out. “Maybe it returned back to elemental energy.” “We may never know,” Kai added.]

Yeah, let's leave that unconcluded. At an EPILOGUE.

This will come back into play in Dragons Rising Season 3. /j (Let's see how well this sentence ages)

[“So, you’ve got your powers back,” Skylor said. “What now?” “Well, I guess I’ll go back to Master Wu and Lloyd, and see if there’s any news from the other ninja,” Kai said. “They might need my…I mean, our help.”]

Except Skylor isn't in Dragons Rising. So something happened.

[“But first, you and I need to celebrate!” Kai added. “What do you have in mind?” Skylor asked. “I was thinking,” Kai said as he hopped into the passenger seat of the noodle delivery vehicle, “maybe it’s time to find out what this new red-hot team of Kai and Skylor can do together? I mean, the city is a real mess right now.” Skylor grinned. “I’m in,” she said, starting the engine. “No sleep till Ninjago City!”]

OH MY GOSH

IS THIS HOW WILDFYRE WAS BORN?!?!?!?!?!?

(I'm KIDDING. I know she's not Kai's daughter. Or at least, it wasn't revealed yet.)

Why did my mind get so DIRTY with this bit though?

Protected or not, you know they did it.

Our story ends with a loving couple driving out into the sunset burning to death in the desert with a fireplace. How lovely.

It’s over!

The fire section of this book is done! Three more to go. Hopefully this IS the worst one and the others are better.

I mean if the Wildbrain era is influence to all of them, that’s a given.

I’ll probably do a little review on this chapter as a whole in the next part, with my thoughts all collected and not scattered. Then we move on to the next story.

Continued in Part 7 >>

[darthkvznblogs]

Ngl, the Kverse has been stale for a bit. Few people know anything about the franchises you've added through the Vantage oneshots, and none of the popular fics have been updated in months. The main one hasn't been touched in half a year. I'm sure you've noticed that your tumblr gets much, much less traction these days. The quality of the whole project has gone down, and it's because you're spreading yourself too thin. All the best, but a lot of us are starting to lose interest

This reads super condescending, so I was tempted to just say "thanks for reading, sorry you're leaving, but I ain't changing a thing" and move on with my day, but alright, I have my morning coffee and it's a light day at work, so I have a bit of time to expand on that.

I don't write the series for you. Of course, I really appreciate that it's gotten a following, and entertaining people makes me very happy, but what I write, I write for myself, and if people care to read it, that's a bonus. I had the exact same philosophy when I could count my readers on one hand, and I'd write the same way if I got millions of views. If every single one of my readers dropped the series today, I'd be sad, sure, but I still wouldn't change how I do things.

If my aim was to be popular, I wouldn't be writing niche crossovers, trust me. You'd think maybe adding a franchise could only open up the potential audience of people willing to give your crossover a shot, but it's almost always the opposite - you're instead turning away people, some who were readers and don't like the new additions, or others who could've been readers but don't care to read a crossover with what was written before. That's just something you have to accept going in when writing stuff like this, and I'm very much used to it.

I'll remind you: I don't get paid for this. I get nothing from writing the series other than the satisfaction of writing something I enjoy. I have to balance my actual full-time job, a barely existent social life, and what little free time I have against the games I wanna play, the shows I wanna watch, the books I wanna read, and of course, my work on the series, which entails a bunch of research, hours upon hours working out the mess into a semi-coherent shared universe, and of course, the actual writing process. I can't write faster than I do. I've always written slowly, you just got more updates from me before because I was unemployed and had all the free time in the world. Unless some modern-day patron of the arts pays me the big bucks to leave my job and do this thing full-time, this is how it's gonna be for the foreseeable future - and if you or anyone else reading it can't or won't commit to waiting that long, that's okay.

I'm glad you found some enjoyment in the series, I thank you for reading, and I hope one day you decide to catch up (with what little I may have updated :P), but I'm not gonna beg anyone to stick around. There's so many talented writers out there that deserve you giving them a chance, and I'm definitely not the only one doing a big universe fusion, so I have no doubt you'll find a good substitute.

Regardless, as long as I have more stories to tell (and I have many), the Kryptonverse will continue on.

[letscrywolff]

The more I think back, the more I realize the relationship you were afraid of never existed.

You catastrophized a working relationship into failure.

You said you left because you felt pushed - but the moment you said that, I immediately disproved it by reminding you that you told me this is what you wanted, you had a heads up I was serious - and back then you emphatically insisted you were too - and that you voluntarily walked alongside me towards the very thing you claim to have been pushed toward.

You probably *felt* restricted, and *felt* boxed in. E, all I ever wanted was a commitment that you'd still show up. I have long known your struggles with indecision and how crippling it truly is - we've talked about it explicitly even. I always wanted to ADD to your life, not take away from it. I wasn't looking to take away your autonomy. I genuinely don't know why you actually left. I just can't help but *feel* that you left because you imagined all the worst case scenarios, despite no evidence that would be the case existing in all reality.

I mean, your reasons never hold up against reality. Basing everything on your feelings will always lead to disaster in the end because they always change. The only relationship that works is the one you make work. You should be choosing a partner based on more than just ever-changing feelings. Because it obviously felt right until it didn't. Those feelings have come and gone how many times now? With more than just me too. At some point, you have to acknowledge that and realize relying on your feelings hasn't worked out. Because there SHOULD be more to choosing a partner than just how they make you feel at any given moment. You should consider who the person you're with is, not just the moment by moment feelings. Which can easily be influenced by things like YOUR feelings of being pressured.

That pressure didn't fundamentally change me or how you feel about me. That pressure didn't take all the good things about me and us and make them bad. That pressure wasn't bad either - it was just scary. I did not appreciate or realize just how visceral the fear you had about taking the next step was. I am sorry I did not understand - in all fairness, you did not make it all that apparent. I thought you came back into this knowing that you wanted to be with me, based on our extensive conversations about it. About moving in together, about living a life together, and all the history we have - and talking about all those things over the years. Every time we were together it seemed you were happy, and always looking forward to more. You'd always stay longer than you expected... I know there is a huge difference between theory and practice, but I really thought you were ready to at least try this time. Try meaning, not just give up and run away - but speak up about what's bothering you and speak honestly and clearly because you want to make this work. That you want our love to last.

When you agreed to bring your dog over... I thought you did that in good faith. A few days before you did, I sent you a message, giving you the opportunity to change plans and to depressurize things. As the days got closer to your move in, I felt like you would bail and I wanted to prevent it any way possible. I wanted you to know I was willing to work with you. That we weren't locked into anything. I tried opening the dialogue. I really appreciate that you brought her and tried - I'm glad things worked out. You'd even gotten me anxious about it. But once our dogs met it was actually really harmonious. It was all worse in imagination than in reality and that has long been a running theme. And I know those fears exist for a reason. They're based on your past experience. But does this not show that basing your past experiences in one situation doesn't mean that it will be the same in a new one? I feel like I proved this in so many ways, so many times over the years but the lesson never seemed to stick. You were resolute in your fears, and they truly have clouded your view of us. It's why you're gone as far as I'm concerned.

You wished it would be easier... but it was easy. What part of any of that ended up being difficult? I literally cannot remember any "hard" part.

"I feel like I can picture it already lol"

This is a microcosm for the biggest issue in our relationship: Your imagination. You were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always hypervigilant in finding fault or how things would fail in advance. Always finding a reason to be scared of the future.

Be afraid. Do it anyways.

What's the worst that happens? We fail? Isn't it better to try, and find out, than to never risk success at all by not even trying? At that point, we would have at least LEARNED something. In this case, we learned that the dogs were fine together - but the bigger lesson was that the months of anxiety that created this "picture" for you were entirely all in your head and just another layer of fear that interfered with your ability to enjoy and embrace the growth of our relationship, because it acted as a source of potential stress that gave you pause anytime you approached the idea.

Simply put: If you expect bad things, your brain will look for confirmation of those bad things, and filter out all the good.

I even poked fun at your constant catastrophizing when you said you feel like you could picture it already. That really did and always has worried me, because you always took on a negative starting point, and that always put me on the defensive to have to overcome it instead of a neutral starting point and then adjusting based on what happens. Basically every big thing we had to tackle, like how our dogs would integrate, the entire focus could never just be on the problem, but also on managing your anxieties to reassure you that everything will be just fine. And it was. This was a regular occurrence with anything bordering on a “big” decision. Which yes is totally normal and fine, I also have concerns… but I have far more confidence that things will work out than anxieties that they won’t. There wasn’t a single thing regarding us that I had any anxiety over… other than how your anxiety might get the better of you and abruptly end everything between us. That’s something I have no control over, and can only influence through sheer confidence and blind enthusiasm. I truly believed in us so I always hoped that what we had would win out and be strong enough to overcome your worries. I feel like if we were purely rational, it would. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. Your anxiety maneuvered it’s way into the pilot seat and flew us off course. The negative, catastrophizing thoughts won out.

So when you say you felt pushed, it's similar to me. It is a baseless negative view rooted in your anxieties, rather than the actual reality of what played out. I get that we can't help how we feel, but we can question the validity of those feelings.

I never meant to push you, I worked with you all along the way to ensure this is what you wanted. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted us to succeed. I knew it would take both of us to achieve that. I never wanted to force anything between us, and honestly, it never did feel forced to me. I thought it was the same for you. My only goal was for us to finally break out of the cycle we've long been stuck in and finally get a chance to show you that we would have a beautiful life together. I never wanted to break the cycle the way you did - by losing one another. So you talk about being pushed, or forced... our failure feels forced to me. It feels unnatural to me. Being with you felt easy and you truly had me convinced it was for you too. Accepting that everything you said and showed me was a complete 180 from the truth has been disillusioning.

You don't even recognize that the feeling of being "pushed" is actually just the way your heightened fears manifest. You will FIND any excuse possible to latch onto and justify leaving a good thing because you're literally terrified of getting attached again and risking going through the hell of true, devastating heartbreak.

You are more afraid of falling in love and losing it than you are of falling in love and it working out.

Because every time it starts to happen "you remember and it hurts again"

But those memories were never ours.

What we lived out in our relationship never hurt you.

What's the worst you experienced while with me? What's the problem we couldn't fix?

You never exhausted all options before leaving. You never exhausted even one.

And the connection between us was clear as day and so was your happiness. Take a look at our pictures from the gardens. That was how you always looked while we were together. That was your default state. So why leave so abruptly and unexplained? Without a fight?

The only logical conclusion is you are afraid of what happens if you let this love happen. Because the last time you let it happen, you suffered for it, and suffered greatly at that.

No, it's quite clear that the problems you only voice once the relationship is over, and not while we're in it, never truly existed. Because when you look over the experience within the relationship, there was lots of laughter and no fights, there was lots of passion, and no withholding, there was lots of care, and no neglect, there was lots of support, and no belittling, there was lots of thoughtful gestures, and never forgetting, there were memories of the little things, and appreciation for the big things to come. There was hand-holding, not back turning. There were plans, and there were actions. There were agreements more than disagreements. There was openness instead of being closed off. I showed you commitment, stood by consistently through more than just the good, but the bad time and the tough ones too. I followed through on what I'd say. There was connection and it was easy. There was depth we both pursued in one another. There was love, never abuse.

So where does the fear come from?

It doesn't come from me.

It comes from within you.

The difference between how you feel vs how I made you feel is the difference between the relationship you were afraid of vs the relationship you actually experienced.

[akehoshimystar]

Kamiya SR

Cross Bike in the Spring Night

Part 1

Ito: (Ah….)

On the way home from work, I noticed the cherry blossom trees in bloom… despite the fact that it’s autumn, not spring.

Ito: (The out-of-season ones.…. I’ve seen them on the news lately, but they're really blooming in front of my eyes.)

Kamiya: Oh, deputy? Ito: Hmm?

I turned around and saw Kamiya-kun and Aizawa-kun with their cross bikes.

Kamiya: It really is you. Shinobu: Are you on your way home now? Ito: Yes. What about you two? Kamiya: We were going to have a drink in my room, so we went out to buy some stuff. Ito: Oh, I see. Kamiya: Why don't we go home together? We're going in the same direction after all, same place, even. Ito: If you would let me, sure.

They got off their cross bikes, checked their surroundings to make sure they wouldn’t get in the way of pedestrians, then lined up next to each other.

Kamiya: .….Ah, the cherry blossoms are blooming. Shinobu: Oh. The ones that bloom out of nowhere. Ito: Yeah, I also saw them just now too. Kamiya: Cherry blossoms, huh… Doesn't it remind you of that day? Shinobu-kun. Shinobu: Nyahaha, it sure does. Ito: That day…?

Just as I wasn't sure if I should go any further, Kamiya-kun laughed as if he had guessed what’s on my mind.

Kamiya: I once walked like this with Shinobu-kun at night while pushing our cross bikes. It was quite some time ago in the spring….

Kamiya: Hmm, not here… Shinobu: I guess not. Kamiya: Let's move to another place. Shinobu: It’s fine, let's just go home. Kamiya: But Shinobu-kun’s ring is still missing. Shinobu: Ahaha, yes, it is. Well, if it was an expensive one, I might have been a little more hurt. But this one is really something you don't need to worry about. Kamiya: Hmm… Let’s keep going a little more! Shinobu: Eh, why? Kamiya: Shinobu-kun, it's not about the price that matters. I've seen you wearing that ring a lot recently when we hang out. I can kind of tell how much you like it Also, we haven't been to all the places we've been to yet! Let's look around some more. Shinobu: Man, you really said that……. Thanks. Kamiya: Yeah. Let's go to the next place!

Part 2

Kamiya: …….. Shinobu: …….. …No great finding here as well, I think? Kamiya: …Perhaps…. No, wait! It might be there, so I'll keep looking. Shinobu: Haha, your face is about to stick to the ground now…. Hmm? Kamiya: Did you find it!? Shinobu: More important question. Where even are we? Kamiya: Eh? Shinobu: We didn't come this far today, did we? Kamiya: Uhh…… .…..Yeah. Shinobu: Haha, this is the road we walked on even before that. Kamiya: Seriously? I don't remember at all. Shinobu: Seems like both of us were too focused on the ground. Kamiya: We won’t be able to find it at this rate. Shinobu: Haha, I think my stomach hurts from laughing so much… Haah. It’s okay, I'll give up on the ring this time. Kamiya: I'm sorry I couldn't find it. Shinobu: Why would Kamiyan need to apologize in the first place? I’m very grateful, you know? Argh, my neck hurts from looking down all the time….. Kamiya: …..What's wrong? Shinobu: Since all we did was focus on the ground…. Look up.

Kamiya: Oh….. Eh, cherry blossoms? They're blooming! Shinobu: How could you not notice all these cherry blossoms? Kamiya: Ahaha, silly me.

Shinobu: I'm the one who lost it, but it's incredible that you were willing to go this far for someone else. I think Kamiyan is the type to search so hard for anyone’s lost item that he wouldn't even notice such beautiful cherry blossoms. Seriously, thank you so much for today. Kamiya: You're very welcome.

Kamiya: And that’s what happened. Afterwards, we were walking home talking about how breathtaking the cherry blossoms were at night. That is our “that day”. Ito: I see.

Shinobu: In the end, we never found the ring. But that day wasn't "the day I lost the ring"…. It’s "the day I saw beautiful cherry blossoms with Kamiyan." Kamiya: To be honest, I really wanted to find it. But those cherry blossoms were really amazing, and I'm glad I got to see them with Shinobu-kun.

Kamiya-kun smiled, and Aizawa-kun smiled back. Hearing the two of them talk, I could tell it must really be a day to remember for both of them.

Kamiya: Oh, we’ve already arrived. We really talked a lot on our way here. Shinobu: In fact, we ended up talking while standing near the end. Kamiya: Oh, sorry for taking your time, deputy. Ito: Oh, don’t be. I'm glad I got to hear about that wonderful spring day.

Kamiya: Next time when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, let's all go see them together, you included, deputy. Shinobu: I like the sound of that. Ito: I’d love to join you.

As the cherry blossoms bloomed out of season, we made a promise to see them again next spring… I returned home with a calm feeling in my heart.