#I'm getting into other topics now

[dazzle02]

Ya know, I'd be genuinely interested in what the reaction would've been if Buck had got with another male character on the show other than Eddie. Like, one that the fans already loved. Someone like Ravi or Albert. A character who people already love and were wanting more of, but ISN'T Eddie. And like, have pretty much the same exact story of Buck not really understanding why he wants this persons attention, maiming Eddie and all that. All the "controversial" moments still happen. But here, Buck is the older one. In fact, with Albert they've got about the same age gap as Buck and Tommy, only Buck is the older one. Albert was 20 when he first appeared in the show in S3 and Buck would've been 28/29ish. So it would've been a similar age difference. But we would never have them calling Buck a predator or anything. Because they're very aware that they're all adults. But it does make me wonder what the reaction would've been.

Having Buck realise he's bisexual and start dating a guy, and it's not Eddie, but it IS a character they claim to love. And there's no sign of it not lasting. No actual sign of Bvdd!e happening. All signs point towards this relationship lasting a while.

Would they start hating on this character they've always loved beforehand? Because we all know that the main reason so many of them hate Tommy is because they see him as a threat to their ship.

But like, imagine Buck and Albert for some reason started dating (which I could never actually see but I do know some people have shipped this...) and BUCK said the things that made people decide they wanted Tommy to be killed. They'd have a completely different reaction.

This is just something I was thinking about last night while I was trying to go to sleep... 🤣

[egophiliac]

can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.

(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

[licorishh]

double ?? upload ???? yeaaaahh i've gotten FASTERRrr for whatever that's worth so complementary blyla because guess what i miss them too (nobody was surprised by that)

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

[melverie]

Last post on the entire date ticket thing and then I will forever shut up about it, but I feel like most people arguing in favor of the price tag are just….missing the point on why people are so angry about the date ticket being $30

I think the one thing we can all agree on right from the get go is that everyone in the staff deserve to and should be compensated fairly for their work. And that obviously includes certain features and items having to cost actual money considering the game itself is free

But the thing is, that $30 price tag doesn't just exist in a vacuum

First off, we can all agree that charging something like $3 would have made the ticket sell far better, right? Several people have already pointed out that they can buy a week's worth of groceries with $30 and depending on how much you earn, the date ticket isn't exactly something anyone can just buy on a whim. Again, $3 would have been far more affordable for most people, and I'm sure many more people (myself included) would have been far more willing to spend $3 just to see what the date ticket is like, and maybe also buy the tickets of multiple other characters. But $30 for a single date ticket is a luxury a lot of people just cannot afford, or would rather put into something else. Even if they lowered the price, they'd surely break even and make profit with how many players there are

And judging by its contents, I think it's fair to say that the date itself is not worth $30. And I feel like Solmare themselves know this because why else would they have bundled it with 300 DP? The only reason is to justify this price tag because "look at how much DP we're getting with it tho!!" when that's not the point. It doesn't matter whether the DP are included, because there is a lack of choice here. We have other options to earn and buy DP, but we don't have a choice when it comes to the date ticket itself. Either you pay $30, or you miss out on a feature that many of us have wanted for a while now. And since it's the DP raising the price tag,what you are essentially paying for is 300 DP with a date ticket as your purchase bonus, even though it should be the other way round

And honestly? Considering the price, the only two times it would make sense to buy this bundle is if you were already considering buying DP anyway, or if you are financially well enough off that the current price doesn't matter to you. You won't convince most casual spenders, and you most definitely will not convince a f2p player to pay for this feature

The other thing is that we had no idea what the date ticket actually entailed because we weren't given any information on it. Thanks to people in the community buying and reviewing this feature for others we now know that the date consists of one phone call, a ~10 minute long, partially voiced date story-line and a Majolish background. Except, those are things that Solmare themselves should have told us right as they announced this feature, ESPECIALLY considering the price point. If you don't, you can't complain if people are accusing your company of trying to rip its player base off and of being greedier than the Avatar of Greed himself. But also, that's the thing!

We shouldn't have people in the fandom be the ones to go out of their way to give us basic info on new features, or to even explain certain business decisions in the first place. That's the company's job. Yes, certain explanations should be a given (such as microtransactions existing so that the staff can be paid the money they obviously deserve), but there are other things that should have been explained by Solmare themselves

Open communication with the player base is the key phrase here, and imo Solmare has been doing worse and worse on that front as of late, resulting in several unexplained choices that just seem questionable at best and scummy at worst, as well as a player base that grows more and more disgruntled by the day. And that frustration within the player base shows in the amount of people dropping the game, as well as in the amount of money it's making

People are willing to put their time and money into something they deem a good, quality product with a justified price considering the content. If your player base isn't putting in the money you are expecting, then maybe you should listen to their feedback and re-examine your product instead of overcharging a feature because "look at this thing you're getting extra that no one asked to be included in the bundle in the first place"

Literally part of the reason LaDS has grown to be so successful in such a short amount of time is because they keep making adjustments based on player feedback, even on some minor things. I mean they literally pushed out an update to correct the color of one of the character's tongue in the newest card because people were complaining, like hello!! Imagine Solmare listening to complains as minor as this

Anyway, whether intentional or not, this entire thing just feels scummy, and that's the problem. The choice we have is either "pay 30 bucks per character or miss out on this feature entirely", the price is artificially inflated with the inclusion of DP that we have other ways of getting, romance is slowly fazed out of the story only to now be put behind a heft paywall, we weren't told what we are even paying for exactly in the first place, and there has been a severe lack of proper communication from Solmare that have soured the relationship to the game's fanbase and, most importantly in this context, their customers

No, companies aren't our friends. Yes, they need to make money. Yes, they should pay their employees fairly. And no, we as consumers shouldn't expect nor are we entitled to everything about the game being free because again, the people working on this game deserve to get paid fairly for all the work they put into it

However, people are still allowed to be critical of a company and its decisions, especially when they feel like they are getting ripped off. The 300 DP might soften the blow, but that doesn't stop everything that has happened before from being a slap in the face. That's why people are pissed right now, and honestly it's been a long time coming

[silusvesuius]

stuff heavily referenced from clive hicks-jenkins' art cus i've been rly into it lately 🥰

cute idea scribblings for the last drawing..lol

[courfee]

James who is a successful author and Regulus who is an expert in some very niche field and James' newest book happens to make references to said niche field. Only James got it wrong and Regulus absolutely drags him on social media for it, founds some kind of James Potter hate club and insists the entire book is bad because what kind of author doesn't even do proper research

[stopper-my-heart]

Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).

Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?

This is fine

[sergle]

I think my favorite thing about doing ginger red hair instead of cherry red hair is: lying to people about it

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

😭😭😭

[nenoname]

been seeing too many posts insisting ford should call stan "lee" lately, i'm seconds away from writing the most jarring fic where dipper inexplicably calls mabel "belle" the entire time

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Have you always been the way you are now about Russ? I don’t know his music but I see all your posts.

a good question!!

prepare for lots of probably unnecessary words.

i haven't always been like this about russ specifically, but i've always been like this in the way of like.. i get attached to one thing for a while and can't get enough of it until i get burned out(i always love them all though even after i get burned out and maybe drift away from them a bit but they always live in my mind and are part of me forever and i always love seeing things about them)

or sometimes until i feel i've learned enough about them i guess? or until i feel i have what i needed from them, if that makes sense and doesn't sound weird? because i always feel like i'm just searching for something in these bands and i don't really know what it is exactly.

but just in learning about their music, that's part of why i made this blog, so i could learn about bands and musicians and have somewhere to post about them as i go through different ones.

ever since i can remember, i've been like that(billy joel was actually one of the musicians for a little while many years ago(before i had this blog) but i didn't actually learn that much about him at the time, i just couldn't stop listening to a lot of his songs and i still love his songs)

HOWEVER it feels like it's intensified times a billion now with russ.

i didn't know he existed until last year.

story time, everybody gather around and zone out while i talk forever about this:

i think my first memory of seeing his name was when i was making gifs of "new york groove" by hello, because i posted a link around that time to their site that had some information about them and it talked about him helping them out. while i was reading it i was just like "oh neat, i have no clue who this russ ballard guy is, but these are interesting words about this band"

that was innnnnn [me checking my archive] june of last year. THEN. fast forward toooo i think it was november, @burn-on-the-flame changes my life by sending me an argent video, which i am forever grateful for. 💜💜💜💜💜

i was posting and learning about badfinger still at the time, one of my other favorite bands, so i was still fully stuck on them and nothing else.

but as soon as i watched that argent video for the first time, i already knew what it was going to turn into. maybe not the extent of it, but while watching, i was thinking "omg who is this guy in the sunglasses with this beautiful voice and stage presence and who is very visibly in love with music? he intrigues me, i need to know him"

i looked him up a LITTLE BIT(i didn't recognize his name at the time from the information on hello) but i had to stop myself because i was like "no i can't yet, i need to let the badfinger thing fade off naturally first" because i felt it was going to soon enough anyway since i didn't have much left to post or to gif of them and i felt i learned enough(still wanted them with me though because i love them and that's why my url and blog title is of some of their lyrics).

so then fast forward to the end of january. i had already rewatched that one argent video a few times by then, loving it more and more each time. russ just silently living in my head for that whole time. he was kind of just some mystery guy to me that i couldn't stop thinking about because there was just some sort of comfort kind of vibe about him.

i didn't really know anything about anyone in the band yet, but i started making gifs of that video and in the tags on my first gifset of them even, i was like "get used to them because they're staying for a while". (because usually in between my obsessions, i'll gif some videos of various bands/artists until i get attached to one, so i felt i should warn everybody)

i knew they were gonna be special to me even though i hadn't really listened to their albums yet, just the songs in that live video, although i already knew "hold your head up" because it's been played a lot on the radio. i've always known it but never really thought about it. i THINK i knew "liar" too, but probably the three dog night cover of it, since that one was the hit(i also knew the three dog night version of "chained" but i FORGOT I LISTENED TO IT until i saw that they covered it and it's on the three dog night vinyl that i have. i had no idea until i was looking at the giant list of written songs on russ's wikipedia page).

ANYWAY. knowing they'd be special to me, i listened to most of argent's albums in order, but it went like

starting with the first album, i listened to it when i was supposed to sleep, but i stayed up a little bit late just so i could lie there in bed in pure darkness with headphones on and have NOTHING around me to distract me from the music.

i did this for their firstttt three? albums? or four maybe. i can't remember. i think it was the first three. and i can say that this is my favorite way to listen to any music for the first time even though i haven't done it with anything since then. i kind of wish i did the same with the other ones and with russ's solo albums, but it's fine. so i'd listen to one album for a few days and then move on to the next one in the same way until i get used to the songs enough in small amounts at a time.

so then fast forward to me actually learning more about russ. i almost don't even have words. literally every single thing about him is just. beautiful is the only word i can ever think of to describe him, really.

from the way he got through his childhood accident, his fears, his depression and the way he talks about it in interviews and always points out to everybody that it won't last forever, one foot in front of the other, etc. that kind of stuff, the way he went all out on reading books about like psychology kind of stuff and mental wellness and started putting a lot of that into his songs to help others, the way he's always so encouraging and uplifting, the way he'll do things like keep the bus waiting because he's not done spending time with the fans yet, the way he chose to stay home with his kids to see them grow up instead of touring even though he really missed touring(and he took a big hit in doing that in terms of people knowing his music exists but he knew what was more important), the way he helps other people with their music, the way he cares about animals and has been vegetarian since like the late 70's/early 80's and became vegan around the 2000's, the way he's always so quick to tell his friends he loves them all the time, hugs everybody always, just wants more love in the world and for everybody to be happy and live the life they want to live and find a passion. his small little inspirational speeches he does for song introductions sometimes. LIKE. it's impossible not to love him, anybody that knows him would agree. he's literally just a happy, loving ball of sunshine, just living his life and doing his best all the time.

and then his MUSIC. i cannot stop listening to him. he's done quite a bit of different things over the years, AND chances are, most people know at LEAST one of his songs(but probably more than one), but from other bands/artists probably. whether it's them doing a song he just wrote or if it's a cover of one of his. i mean, there's so many.

but most of his hits were through others, and then almost nobody knows who wrote it/originally did it. he's never had the recognition or appreciation he should have for the amount of things he's done. in fact, you get stuff like the video on youtube of him doing 'since you been gone' on supersonic where the description of it is just somebody totally trashing him for no reason. like????? why. (just about all of the comments were defending him though and that made me happy)

so many other musicians out there know him and have nothing but praise and respect for him, which makes it even more sad to me that hardly anybody outside of that knows him. but his constant passion and love for writing and making music is amazing to me, and his level of discipline along with that.

he's just VERY INSPIRING TO MEEEEE for so many reasons. he's been actually changing my life this year in very big ways.

and because he's very similar to me in some ways, the way his brain works feels like it aligns with mine so often. i've never come across somebody like that before in my life. i love the way he makes me feel less alone in the world just from him existing. like, he really gets it. he understands. i don't know how to explain that better.

so IN CONCLUSION, although i do get obsessive about bands and musicians in similar ways, i have never experienced it quite like this before with this much positive impact on my life in just one year. i hope it never stops. he took me right out of depression for a while there and, although it keeps coming back again now, i feel like i can handle it a little better than before.

i've never been able to REALLY choose a favorite, like #1 FAVORITE musician above all before, i always considered all of my favorites as equal favorites, but now i've found him. russ ballard. the light of my life.

[me snapping my fingers as everybody is 100% zoned out] okay i'm done rambling now

(if you ever want to know any of his music, i would be glad to share some)

[aleixis]

how to talk to a sweet funny cute guy who says he likes u but u wanna take it slowly and get to know him first but ur scared that he's gonna lose interest once he gets to know u cus ur kinda weird no borax no glue

[vimbry-moved]

"likes don't do anything" they do

"there's no algorithm" there is

"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do

"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.