#I'm genuinely so tired and so upset
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Israel bombs innocent Palestinians, saying that Hamas is hiding amongst them so them mindlessly murder thousands of innocents is actually justified
They are using that same excuse to justify their attack on Lebanon, and you're all actually falling for it? Again?
They are not going to stop until they've killed every Middle Eastern alive, whether that be a man, woman or a child
And you know this. I'm tired of acting like people who defend Israel are just misinformed or uneducated about the situation.
They know about the 76 years of violence Israel inflicted on Palestine, they know it's an apartheid state, they know that there were never any Hamas members hiding in the elementary schools or in the hospitals, they know Israel is a settler colonial state, they know Israel is committing genocide Palestinians and they know that Israel is now also targeting the people of Lebanon
They just don't care because every person, every child, every baby, every father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, teacher, doctor, nurse, writer, scholar, etc. that Israel kills is a person of colour
They don't care how many corpses Israel leaves in its wake, because those are the bodies of brown people and I'm tired of coddling them and I'm tired of pretending otherwise, you all know damn well what Israel is doing, you just don't care
#zionists dni#I don't wanna hear you try and justify the mass killing of arabs to me#I'm genuinely so tired and so upset#White people really do just get to commit heinous crimes against POC and get away with it scot-free don't they?#I just want this to be over#I can't even imagine#i stand with lebanon#i stand with palestine 🇵🇸#i stand with gaza#pray for lebanon#pray for palestine#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#from the river to the sea 🇵🇸#free palestine#free gaza 🇵🇸#free palestine 🇵🇸#free gaza#free lebanon#fuck israel#anti zionisim
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I'm just gonna say it. Almost every time someone posts a pic, all excited because they got to meet their favorite actor, I feel more and more isolated from Baldur's Gate 3 community.
I've tried my best to share factual information about covid. I don't really understand how people are missing it, because it wasn't that hard for me to find. I just follow people who are sharing relevant information, and they're paying attention to the data.
They're still actively tracking what they can, in spite of the fact that major governments have simply stopped supporting research on a virus that is still just as disabling as it was from the start.
And 99% of this community can't even wear a mask.
It wouldn't be that hard to incorporate it. Just add a bandana that's an appropriate color and call it an accessory. It's not the best protection ever, but it's better than nothing.
Dave got covid and no one cares. Oh, people said they hope he'll get well soon, but with covid there's no guarantee that he'll ever get it out of his system at all. It's a latent virus, like mono.
We know that chicken pox eventually morphs into shingles. We have no idea what covid is going to do in the long term. It's surprised the experts from the very beginning, because they haven't encountered anything like it.
Dave was face to face with so many people at that con. He probably passed on the virus to pretty much everyone who met him that day.
Yet there's no talk about safety precautions. There's no talk about providing air purifiers foe meet and greet tables or masking up so that we can prevent this from happening again. He had to miss the awards ceremony, something that's only going to happen once, because he didn't take precautions. And he's damn fortunate if that's the only thing it knocks him out of.
Covid is a direct threat to their careers. It affects the lungs, and can make it hard to breathe. Permanently. This would make voice acting harder. It can give you a persistent cough. This also makes voice acting harder. It can make you so tired on a daily basis that you can't think or even sit up, which means that they won't be able to work at all.
And yet they don't care. There's absolutely no sign of any precautions whatsoever. And fans keep saying, look! I met them!
I share the posts because I'm happy for everyone, but I see people who are passing around a virus like a game of hot potato when i look at those photos.
It's extremely demoralizing. I can't even enjoy the things I love without getting reminded that most of the fandom doesn't care about the health or safety of other fans.
This isn't just fear mongering, this is epidemiology. This is how viruses work. This is how covid works. Ignoring it and pretending everything is fine doesn't make it go away.
#the ONLY person I've seen masking is Greelin.#the only person I know of who cares about covid is autistichalsin. who started a blog about epidemiology iirc#I'm so tired#it's breakdown time lads#ESPECIALLY because i know most people do genuinely care about others.#we might fight and express it in different ways and end up hurting each other#but i think most people here care about their community in some way.#but when it comes to covid most people don't give a shit#it's bad enough from my own family#but i kind of hoped that a community like this would give a shit.#and most dont.#you can't tell me you do when you can't be bothered to mask.#and I'm sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings#but i don't even see anyone in the community TALKING about ut#and it's so upsetting#bg3
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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Don't you love it when you get back into your childhood hyper-fixation that you remember very fondly as an adult and realize how fucking depressing the actual story is now that you have the capacity to understand it beyond cool fighting and characters, humor, and awesome friendships?
#bleach#ichigo kurosaki#bleach 686#every analysis I see makes me more and more upset#why does literally everyone in this story suck#how did Kubo make such dynamic characters only to slowly crush their souls more and more until we get the most unsatisfying ending EVER#I keep trying to get back into the manga/anime but I feel like a pit forms in my stomach every time I try to#I love the characters dearly but oh my god#the relationships and the way most of the characters interact just grates at my nerves#like every few months I'll read like twenty chapter of the manga#get back into the fandom#read some analysis#and then I'll start dislking it all over again#I need a happy ending#i need a better ending#please Kubo#I need the hell arc to completely dismantle the soul society and the whole world as they know it#I NEED CHANGE#I hate the regressing and stagnation of the soul society#I need them to be overthrown#I need the characters I love to become antagonists all over again#I need Ichigo to be enemies with the soul society again#i need rebellion#I need the soul society to be the greatest evil again because in the end#they are the source of nearly ALL the problems Ichigo and co. face in canon#I'm so tired of them being the lesser evil#I need them to fall apart#I need the characters to have genuinely good endings where they are happy rather than regressing back into the people they were at the star#of the story or even worse turning into the ppl they had sworn they would never become
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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it
#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff#in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content#but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally#im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit#whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it#it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad#i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to#feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people#i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know#i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all#being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know#Losing a friend really does something to you huh.
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BSD Chapter 111 spoilers!!
A summary of my thoughts on the new chapter
#bsd#bsd chapter 111 spoilers#bsd chapter 111#fyolai#nikolai gogol#fyodor dostoevsky#dazai osamu#sigma bsd#btw I still don't believe Sigma dies here but my poor boy is still going through so much 😭🥺#Dazai looks so much more tired in his entrance though as he should he's just been through hell#also if Nikolai already looks THIS sad and in love just at Fyodor leaving then I'm not fucking ready to see how Harukawa draws the arm scen#Also Fyodor looked genuinely upset that Dazai didn't end up meeting his expectations#the fact that he loses one person who he thought he could keep playing a game of intelligence with and who could keep up with him#then he immediately after proposes a new life or death game to Nikolai#this man wants to play a game with someone so bad
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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Me trying to be normal at work vs the concession speech making me cry like a bitch
#not snz#like i knew it was over but that was the final straw i guess#there's nothing going on so we were watching it and my ass broke down in tears#tbh part of it might be bc i didn't fucking sleep 😔#emotions always malfunction when I'm tired#but I'm genuinely so upset about it and i live in a blue state#like yeah i know I'm lucky but it still feels fucking awful#how the hell did that orange fuck win by over five million#hate it here 😭#taking a few minutes to walk around and collect myself before going back to the golf cart 😔#i fucking hate crying in front of other people but god sometimes it just can't be helped#I'm just so upset like i figured he'd win but not in a landslide like that 😭
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my father got me a needle felt kit for my birthday and turns out I don't like the process very much -- it takes too much patience that I just don't have, plus the wool irritates my skin, eyes, nose and throat, so even if I didn't mind the process I'd still be having a hard time
#Ryn rambles#I suppose the important thing is that I at least tired it#I'm extremely sensitive so this doesn't surprise me#newspaper leaves me with itchy skin and eyes; sore throat and runny nose too#I don't think it really matters if I'm allergic or just hypersensitive#if I'm not having a good time and not enjoying myself that why should I push myself through it?#it's not like knitting; crochet or needlework#even when I'm upset and frustrated I still want to continue#but needle felting just makes me go 'mmm no I'd rather be doing something else right now'#important to note: this is not me being dismissive of the craft as a whole!#I'm happy if you do like and enjoy it! genuinely!#it's just not for me though I can still appreciate the time and effort that went into making the end product
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You people are assholes and cruel I should have never fuckin said how old I am now go to hell.
I have had to endure the most strenuous types of bullying that shall leave scars on my psyche for the rest of my life
I hope you disgusting ruffians are pleased with your efforts to torment me as they have worked to high affect
I shall never doze away to escape from the troubling thoughts now plaguing my mind from this horrendous bullying
#man im tired as shit#i should have been asleep like two hours ago.#oh fuck i need to start studying for my exams so i can actually get out of school...#its not that bad. im only sitting two exams as i know because my school is basically just giving me the bare minimum to get me to fuck off#and its art and english. two subjects i love and that I'm good at#aswell as my art teacher is really cool and has been helping me with all my other work and has posted a bunch of stuff to help revise#hes cool i really like him#he can be a bit harsh but its because he wants to see you improve and hes stressed like 24/7#he is genuinely such a cool guy#anyway night you fucking fucks#also if you somehoe couldnt gather i am joking about me being upset. i couldn't care less#honestly i find it funny seeing other people realise how old i am
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I stopped participating as much in the shipping side of the DR fandom because people (usually children) are just so damn illiterate and will call any harmless ship they don't like to be "abusive"
And the overall passive aggressive aura and ship rivalries of it all is just not something I want to be a part of and genuinely has ruined my enjoyment of making content like that
#Jay Talks#Vent#this is part of why I've slowed down on swatchton content#it was genuinely stressing my out so much that people were so pissy about ships#even within the community and will call other ships abusive with little evidence like?????#its so frustrating#swatchton is my OTP but one of these days I'll just draw polycule art of swatch x spamton x jevil#i'm just happier with my own OC content atm#at least I don't have to deal with people's illiterate interpretations#shouldnt have to say this but considering the topic is illiteracy NO PROSHIP SHIT DOES NOT APPLY HERE#but yeah I'm tired of people purposely misinterpreting characters to claim ships are abusive#specially on Swatch like it upsets me so much
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#love when. the chronic illness is chronicalling and i genuinely enjoyed dinner but#my stomach did not! and i sit there for a minute trying to measure the intensity of it of#do i need to excuse myself rn. do i need to play videos v loud so my family does not hear me getting sick.#i HATE when they can hear me being sick bc then mom gets upset bc she thinks its her fault or mamaw does and like. its not!! your fault!#it's not mine either. i just.#i'm so tired lol#.txt#dl.txt
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tbh I ask myself 'why am I so tired' a lot but I feel like having to constantly fight 15 different kinds of anxiety at all times probably has some kind of. Effect
#misc.txt#vent#I don't even realize how much its running through my mind sometimes#I'm tired though!! I'm tired. like when I've sufficiently got over ruminating on one topic of anxiety#it just seamlessly cycles to the next one#I don't want to have to parse through things I don't want to have to figure shit out I don't want to have to answer what about/what if rn#theres so much of it#I'm tired of worrying abt everything I'm tired of my brain endlessly cycling through things that upset me and cause me stress#I'm tired of constantly ruminating over topics that cause me anxiety I'm tired of constantly scrutinizing my entire worldview#whether I'm right or wrong or a bad person etc#and then on top of that the constant. idk. derealization? lingering dehumanization?#like if I don't have all my ducks in a row or if I'm suffering I don't deserve to be seen as a person#maybe it's cowardly to just want to run away from all the life issues/questions that stress me the fuck out#but I cant control the way I have to ruminate on it daily and its all the time with no rest#I just want to put it all down. for a bit. I'm just fuckin tired#I almost cried at work today bc and nothing even actually.. happened#genuinely want to lay in a field and just become part of the grass I mean that truly#just. inanimate object. nothing asked of me at all
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Sobbing in my nest because I feel ghost crumbs even when I've cleaned it at least four times now and I know there are none but still somehow Bad Feelings against my skin and I can't do anything about it. The blanket isn't soft enough and my pillows hurt my neck. I might actually start crying about this it's so. Dumb I'm just having sensory issues and being emotionally fragile but it's upsetting me SO MUCH
#why must I be like this like genuinely I feel so frustrated upset distressed and sad and just. why won't it stop I'm tired of cleaning it#im tired of cleaning it over and over acsin even when theres nothing to clean but it still feels like there is against my skin#it's making me frustrated because it doesn't go away and then upset because it's uncomfortable#and then I get mad and upset at myself for being so whiny and distressed over such a small thing#I pride myself on my ability to survive alone and not depend on others because I feel vulnerable and terrified when people get close#so feeling like I want to just be taken care of and have someone solve my issues and bring softer things and just be NICE to me#it also upsets me because I hate feeling like people have control over me or are in a position where they could hurt me#even if just emotionally#so I withdraw and completely shut myself away from people even if by some miracle someone WAS interested#because I want to just be cared for so bad but I hate myself for letting myself get hurt over and over so many times by people#that I no longer want anyone close to me because it's easier and safer for me#but then when I'm emotional and in heat it makes me extra sad and upset to be feeling like this#because I become so desperate and upset because I can't have it. i can't feel like I'm taken care of and soothed#because I push everyone away out of fear even if they seem nice because every shitty person has always seemed nice at first too#waaahhh okay I'm actually tearing up thinking about this#and the GHOST CRUMBS are STILL THERE#I'm in so much distress emotionally rn#gamietxt#heat 🌡
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now would be a great day to have a formal diagnosis of literally anything :')
#i'm pretty sure they're gonna make me handle it all through their disability services#but unfortunately my agoraphobia has only been recorded down a counselor who is unable to diagnose me !!!!!#and every time i go to the doctors to try and see a psychiatrist they always ghost me and never contact me back#and every fucking effort i have made to get myself help has been denied or put on a super long wait list that i'm convinced is just their#way of being like 'lol sorry we don't care'#rambles#i'm so upset like genuinely#tell me how it is been almost 8 years and i still have yet to get sufficient mental health help all because i 'APPEAR to be doing fine'#fuck you fuck you fuck you#i hate it here#i am so frustrated lmfaoooo#i just want accommodations i am so so tired#i am literally just so exhausted
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