#I'm free from finals so have some cabbage

[admiral-mason]

I'm bored, random crossover time again

Recently I have gotten into a little shooter game known as Ultrakill.

For those who don't know: Ultrakill is basically a shooter game that combines elements from Titanfall, Doom Eternal, Devil May Cry, etc. You play as V1, a literal blood-powered combat robot that descends into Hell (from Dante's Inferno) to get more blood. On the way, you fight demons, angels, and other machines.

So? With my blog basically sporadically alive, let me revive it with another nonsensical crossover!

Gender neutral reader

SPOILERS AHEAD!

How these two games crossed over:

So you own both a PC and a phone/tablet. You would mostly play Genshin Impact on your mobile device while you played Ultrakill on your PC.

You've managed to complete both games and right now you tried obtaining all the alternate 'slab' weapons in Ultrakill. You have one already, simply called the slab revolver by many. Your next weapon to obtain is the sawblade launcher, located in stage 4-4 Clair de Soleil.

So, you did so. Whiplashing the blue skull from the right room after you used the first jump pad, the door opened and you shot your railcannon into the water. However, when you did so, the game decided to crash on you.

"What the hell??" You said before grumbling a little and trying to boot the game back up to no avail. Closing out the game, you bothered to play a little Genshin. However, within a few seconds of booting up the game, you got shocked and blacked out.

How you got to Teyvat:

After waking up, you found yourself in a plains area... and then you saw an anemo slime.

"Hey, you. You're finally awake." A voice that sounded like Microsoft Sam said from behind you.

(V1's voice from this program)

Turning around, you were greeted by the blue camera head himself.

"What the frick V1 how are you here??"

"I don't fucking know, one moment I touched the sawblade launcher, and now I'm here in what appears to be Limbo but not fake with the human who basically assisted me in murdering all of hell for blood. By the way, you perform really great shotgun yeets!*"

"Uh, thanks." You awkwardly responded.

"Now where the fuck can I get some blood?"

In Mondstadt:

The two of you ended up wandering around V1 had managed to kill a few wild animals for blood with his revolver. It didn't take long for someone to hear the sounds and approach you two afterward.

"You two! Stop right there!" Amber heard the sounds of V1's revolver shots as she ran towards you two. If it weren't for you rapidly telling V1 to not shoot her, she'd likely be on the floor in a pool of her own blood.

"...Hi there." You awkwardly said before she ended up tackling you to the ground in a hug with V1 just looking at the sight.

After Amber took you two to Mondstadt, word spread quickly of the Divine One and their blue angel-looking machine. The two of you managed to receive free housing with the Knights of Favonius alongside a tour of the city.

V1 abused his superior mobility to cross the entire city from one side to the other in less than a minute. This astonished the local citizens at this strange individual's movement skills. And then he accidentally crashes into a random citizen's cart.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE"

"V1 don't you're gonna-!"

V1 crashes into a cart full of cabbages, toppling it

"..."

Everyone's also confused at his ability to seemingly generate coins... before shooting at them with that curved thing he holds in his hands and then it kills stuff. (I presume that most Mondstatians have never seen guns, the closest they have seen is probably a bow,)

Then he somehow pulls a giant double-barreled minigun?? Then a tube that shoots rockets??

Expect Klee to be all over him.

"Well see, this rocket launcher used to be an industrial tool, until some-"

"HOW BIG OF A BOOM CAN IT MAKE?!"

"...Let me demonstrate!"

V1 activated the freeze mode on his Freezeframe Rocket Launcher and fired a few rockets at a group of wolves...

...Safe to say, those wolves and their surroundings got blown up to high hell.

When Jean found the destructive duo, V1 just took Klee into his arms and proceeded to abuse his mobility yet again.

"BOING! Catch me now, bozo!"

"Get back here you blue thing-"

"I am not a blue thing thank you- BOING!"

Looking past shenanigans, Albedo and Sucrose have taken an interest in V1's lethal arsenal that's even far superior to Fatui tech. Noelle might ask to train with the machine after some introductions.

In Liyue

After a few days of staying in Mondstadt, you kinda wanted to see Liyue so you told everyone else and asked V1 to accompany you. Upon arrival though, you found out that Liyue prepared a celebration for the two of you. Turns out news can leak out quickly to the world even if you've only interacted with a part of it.

V1 found Liyue significantly more fun to traverse and navigate around. From mountainous marvels to spacious streets, the nation provided him with no short of tricks to pull off.

Everyone interacted with V1 normally until he started using the Whiplash to grab items from various vendors merely flipping a few coins at them in return. This led to a scuffle with the Millelith and he ended up shocking everyone by knocking all of the soldiers out with a mere punch to their chest.

Thankfully you managed to calm him down.

When he saw the Jade Chamber, he made it a personal challenge to ascend without using the proper way. He unfortunately did so while Ningguang was pleasantly talking with you.

"This, your grace, is-" You could then faintly hear rocket sounds in the distance, with Ningguang following suit shortly after. You both turned in the direction of the sound to see V1 flying on a rocket with his Freezeframe Rocket Launcher yet again before he jumped off and landed right next to the two of you.

"Hi friend I'm back! Mechanic abuse is funny!"

Ningguang just blinked at the sight of the combat machine that somehow stood on a small flying object to get up here without proper authorization. "...Your grace what the heck did that thing just do??"

"I AM NOT A THING-"

Part 2?

*Shotgun yeets refer to projectile boosts.

[screamce]

I'm finally free from artfight AHHH that was so fun I think I doubled my attacks from last year. I got so many I have to break it up into a couple parts gggg but anyway, here's some of the cool stuff i made for some cool people!

as per usual, links n stuff under the cut

Cabbage for @cabbagefaerie

Skye for @aj-is-typing-18

Juno for @jymic

Donnie & Mikey for @the-seraph-thilio

VERSE N CREW RAAHH for @energons

BellaBella for @wolf-tail

ROADRAGE RGAGRA for @kevinexe06

Anokato for @/mpartist1894 on artfight

Delirium + my oc for @gacha-pon

Aria + my oc for @/Ravenz_Featherz on artfight

SHOCKLINE RAAAAHH for @maxicaiman

Popfly, Stageflow, Softserve, & Breakneck for @cheesarbles, @merus-mystery, @/SOUNDBBABE on artfight, + @/redbeanp13 on artfight

Gossamer for @/ACatNamedKK on artfight

Spartan Striker >:] for @kevinexe06

SilverStreak for @/lazy_pan_artist on artfight [it said they had a tumblr but the link is dead </3]

BOUNCEWILD MY BELOVED <3 for @blurrynswindle

Slugs & Snails for @/Minced_Meat on artfight

Iphi for @/Seabluewolf on artfight

Turbo Drive :'( for @kittycookiesuwu

Mourningstar for @penebui

Paradox :'] for @linek0

Pawse for @/BassetBites on artfight

Sunny for @kupahdraws

Nova! for @/Lapitide on artfight

Sophie for @/Rosarolli on artfight

Azalion for @justabeewithapen

Soda for @/polarisbluecaribou on artfight

SkyBlade for @kittycookiesuwu

Shambles for @cherryslu-t

[petermorwood]

Mushrooms in Cream Sauce...

...or Pilze in Sahnesoße.

This is for @killerblackberrypie, who went looking for the version on our "European Cusines" site and found the site gone.

@dduane had taken it down for maintenance, a new theme and to take some new photos, but while the site was down it web-provider went belly-up. These things happen.

"European Cuisines" Will Return - just not quite yet.

Our recipe was, ironically, one of the recipes slated for new pics, so while this text is from the site's offline backup (with a couple of tweaks from me, because why not?) photos are sourced from the web.

There are many, many other recipes online; they're mostly in German, but Google Translate handles Rezeptedeutch well enough. I've linked to a couple, which is only fair since I'm using their pix.

You'll also see the French word "champignons" in German recipes as often as German "Pilze"; I don't know whether this indicates a French origin for the recipe, or refers to a specific mushroom, or makes the dish sound more classy.

Here's one: Champignons in Sahnesauce mit Spätzle.

And here's ours...

*****

Pilze in Sahnesoße from European Cuisines.

Contrary to popular belief, Germany is not a vegetable-free zone.

In fact, unless you find yourself buried in some tiny backwater in the Black Forest or someplace similar, Germany is much kinder to both vegetable-lover and vegetarian than a lot of other places. It will be rare to find a menu that doesn't have at least a few vegetarian or at least mostly-vegetable options on it, often far more creative than you might expect.

But leaving aside for the moment the issue of vegetarianism per se, Germans really do like more vegetables than potatoes and cabbage, especially seasonal ones in their prime. Asparagus season, for instance, has its own name: Spargelzeit - "asparagus time".

And mushrooms (all right, not as true veggies, but at least as fungi) turn up as stars in many entreés, especially in dishes meant to be served in the autumn, "Pilzsaison", mushroom season, when the good little creatures are coming up all over in the woods and the supermarkets.

This recipe calls for the mushrooms to be sautéed with onions in bacon fat (the bacon is added later). The pan is then deglazed with white wine, and various spices are added, one of them being paprika, which instantly suggests that this recipe probably sneaked over the border from Austro-Hungary, possibly via the Czech Republic.

Finally the cream and bacon go in.

The result is substantial, surprisingly elegant, and yummy.

This is definitely a recipe for a high-end Hobbit menu: an entrée for anyone who doesn't want their mushrooms upstaged by overly large amounts of meat.

The bacon-fat and bacon CAN be left out completely, making the dish meat-free. Use more butter along with more mushrooms and a red pepper diced small, and add 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika.

*****

INGREDIENTS

NB, we work in metric so that's "correct"; Imperial is converted and "approximate", though it won't make much difference. Just don't combine them or your mushrooms might crash into Mars...

1 kg / 2 lb fresh mushrooms, domesticated or a mixture of wild types to taste

125g / 1/4 pound bacon, diced

60gr 1/4 cup butter or margarine

2 large onions, diced

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1/2 teaspoon paprika

60ml / 1/4 cup (or more if needed to deglaze) white wine, preferably a medium or medium-dry one

A pinch of nutmeg

A pinch of mace

250ml / 1 cup heavy cream

The juice of half a medium-sized lemon, strained

2 sprigs of fresh parsley

METHOD

Clean the mushrooms with a soft brush or dry cloth. (Never wash mushrooms.) If they're big, cut them in half.

Fry the bacon in a wok or large pan until lightly browned. Remove the bacon from the pan and set it aside.

Add the butter to the pan drippings. Add the onions; sauté until lightly browned.

Add the mushrooms; cook them until they're tender, stirring often.

When they're tender, raise the heat slightly and stir in the wine, salt, pepper, paprika, nutmeg, and mace. Cover the pan and cook over low heat for 15 minutes.

Remove from the heat. Add the cooked bacon, cream and lemon juice. Reheat until just warm. Do NOT let this mixture boil!!!

Garnish with parsley and serve with noodles, dumplings, mashed potatoes, whole potatoes... And some crusty bread to chase the last of the sauce.

*****

Our original photo used Spätzle, as in the first pic. Ribbon tagliatelle works just fine as well, while here is Saure Pilz-Sahnesoße served alongside Bohemian Dumplings, a long bread dumpling boiled in water or stock then cut into thick slices.

From the same site, here's a simple potato treatment, Pilz-Sahnesoße mit Kartoffeln:

As far as we've been able to make out, the main difference between mushrooms in cream sauce as a main dish, and creamy mushroom sauce for use with something else, is the proportion of mushrooms to everything else, and often the size of pieces into which they're cut. Really small bits are one more ingredient, large generous chunks are much more front and centre.

Ours is definitely a main course, and though we haven't made it for a while, the memory of that last time still makes my Mind Palate go...

Soon. Soon...

[dearmrsawyer]

my GARDEN is DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took 2 years but we made it 🎉🎉🎉 its life story under the cut

last year i dug up all the roses that the previous owners of this house had planted in this space. I HATE ROSE PLANTS. They're VERMIN. It took me a year (interrupted by la niña) to finally get them all out because i had to dig so far down to remove as much root system as i could. i learned that after the first attempt at removing them, where they all simply grew back because i left too many roots in tact 🙃 due to continued la niña last summer i wasn't able to get the space all the way ready so i spent autumn weeding everything that grew in the rain, digging about a foot into the ground to remove as much old dirt (and more roots) as i could, and tidying up everything we'd dumped there while the space was disused. I had pictures of that stage in the process but i can't find them, just know it looked like a garbage dump hahaha. i got all that done right as the temperature started to drop so i laid out a bunch of tarps to minimise the number of weeds that would grow back over winter and waited.

and then! SPRING. I ordered the soil back in September, 8 cubic metres of it which was definitely more than i needed sdkjlgfdkj but how am i supposed to know what a cubic metre is 😅 i was SO excited when it arrived (first photo), quickly followed by 'oh god i need to move all of this myself.' thankfully we had great weather in september so i could use every free moment i had for two weeks shoveling it into our wheelbarrow and then wheeling it down to tip into the garden area (the conclusion of my work in photo 2 lol). It was only at that point that i was like oh boy okay i REALLY have too much soil here. i filled up every single pot i could find and i added some more dirt to to our citrus tree garden in the courtyard since the existing soil had settled by that point and could use a top up. it still felt like way more than i had planned to buy BUT i thought you know what would be good, i could create tiers to organise the vegetables by how deep their roots grow! i laid down a couple of layers of newspaper to deter anything from the existing dirt growing up into my new soil and then started flattening it out. when we first moved in here there was a tonne of random building material around that the previous owners left behind, and we never got rid of it because we figured a purpose would eventually arise. and my garden was it. i collected all the cement blocks and bricks down the side/behind the house, plus the random lattices that had been piled up where our yard meets the neighbour's, and a scrap of fence leftover from the one we put alongside our driveway last year. There were also heaps of random planks of wood, and some logs from a tree that we trimmed earlier in the year. and i used ALL of it (picture three).

Then a couple of weeks ago i finally got to plant my seeds :D (final product, final photo) the tall section up the back is for the deep root veges, so i've planted pumpkin and cucumber there. in the middle i've planted zucchini, cabbage, cauliflower, silverbeet, radish and green beans. and the shallowest area down the bottom has beetroot, celery, lettuce, broccoli and snow peas. also a passionfruit plant in the corner :) i've also scattered flower seeds all over as i've read that it helps to attract pollinators/insects that will eat other insects that want to eat my vegetables. i've put a couple of flowering herbs into pots down there too, and i marked where i planted everything with sticks so i can remember dskfdklj also i drew myself a map.

i'm so thrilled with it :') its such a good space and now it will be useful! there's a good chance some of my seeds won't sprout as they're a couple of years old, but some of them are new and anyway i don't care, whatever grows will grow and whatever doesn't i'll try again in autumn. its just so exciting to have a garden to tend again, i know that i need to be able to just put my hands in dirt sometimes, it is a very helpful outlet, and also will maybe save us grocery money \o/

[sloggervlogger]

First Test! Gorillas Explore Their Brand New Climbing World by SloggerVlogger *Shufai and his family take their first test on the brand new climbing structure after being inside for 5 days.* The new structure isn't quite finished yet, but it is far enough along that the gorillas can finally try it out after being cooped up inside for 5 days. The structure will be completed after the October school holidays. The first couple of seconds of the footage was filmed 2 days before the rest of the footage. Shufai tries out the ladder. Up on the ladder, it's so much better than the makeshift suspension bridge that wasn’t even off the ground last month. A jump and slide across to the other log. Shufai is having fun trying it all out, balancing on the logs and beating his chest in triumph. Next up is Mother Ozala, walking on the log. She beats her chest as well. Shufai really seems to love it. He's all over the place. At lunchtime, Oumbi comes out, just getting his food and ignoring the climbing frame. Ozala comes back out too. Asante comes out shortly after, and she’s straight onto the lower platform to get her food. She peels her napa cabbage and takes a big bite. I thought she might explore the structure a bit more, as she likes to sit high up, but not today. I'm sure she will soon. The silverback collects as much as he can. It seems more liked than the red cabbage. When he’s done eating inside, he comes back out, looking at Ozala down the slope, but then goes back inside. Since the hut is gone, where the GoBros Lope and Shufai used to kick and hit the walls, Shufai has now found a new target: the wooden wall. Oumbi comes looking for some more food. Ozala is sitting by the wall and Biddy finally came out as well. Shufai and his mum left Biddy in peace today, which was good to see. Biddy kept herself against the wall and hasn’t gone near the climbing frame yet. Even though they saw it being built through the window, it must be quite something else being near it. It's huge and will take some getting used to. In a couple of weeks, they’ll add more things to it, and I think probably more logs or maybe some more ladders where the hut used to be. I can't wait to see it all finished. To finish the day. Shufai thought it was a good idea to to rip a piece off the log. It's so wonderful to see them finally have something new outdoors. I've been waiting to see this now for such a long time. I wonder why they finally done it, after still trying to repair it last months. Will there be an addition to the family? Well I think it might be more wishful thinking then anything else, but who knows. #UKnews #gorillas #TwycrossZoo 🚀 Dive into our Membership Community today to unlock exclusive perks at incredible value! Enjoy access to special badges, early video releases, members-only content, and custom emojis. We've kept the fee as low as £0.99 available worldwide in your currency. 🙏🏻Think of it as leaving a small tip for the videos you enjoy and experience the benefits first hand. Plus, you're free to cancel anytime with no hassle! Your support means the world. 🔗 Join Membership https://youtube.com/@SloggerVlogger/join 📸Dive into our exclusive Members' Videos playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMOsrZBBRAQJwVkpaMddhp9DA Due to background noise from human activity, the original audio has been mixed with natural bird songs for a more peaceful viewing experience. Where possible, I will keep the natural sound intact. Don't miss a thing—hit Subscribe and Turn on all Notifications to be part of our Great Ape Ventures every week. via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHLgh6R7yzk

[upthewitchypunx]

garden rambling

This week i learned that beets and potatoes need boron. Apparently you just mix up borax and water. We planted potatoes in 3 potato grow bags, put the cannabis plants we grew from seed in our back area you can't really see from the street, I reordered composting worms for our bin i didn't take care of a few years ago.

I got the cabbages and friends bed full with cabbage, kale, broccoli, onions, chard, celery, and lettuce. I also thinned out carrots, beets, and radishes. I replanted some beans and pea because something was eating them. I also planted some more salsify in the bare spots.

I made Ian B hop our fence and rescue a foxglove that escaped our yard. I knew the neighbor was going to weed it, so I put it in a pot until I can figure out where to put it. I also potted up a comfrey that was growing in a strange place. I'm realizing my columbines, salvia, penstemon, bee balm, and lupines are all gone from the freeze and moving the hummingbird garden to make the new veggie beds. This means I can buy more plants so i don't get yelled at by hummingbirds, right? I also got some free Crocosmia Lucifer corms from our local Buy Nothing group. I'm excited to have those as they are orange and Ian B says I tend to only put purple flowers in the garden.

The three beds for summer veg are still waiting to be filled. I think tomorrow might be the day to finally put the tomatoes in the ground. I started the second round of herbs and some summer veg line corn and squash seeds on the 1 shelf free for plants in our grow set up, the other three shelves are stuffed with our absurd amount of peppers and our dining room window is a jungle of things waiting to go outside.

I got a few annuals last week and planted seeds in a bunch of containers on the porch. It currently smells like lilac and alyssum out there and I love it.

[vegaistrying]

Third time is the charm?

The Charm farm in the end of spring one

So, I just finished Spring in my third attempt to complete the Community Center in Year One! This time things are going a bit smoother, finally had some luck and on day 3 the Red Cabbage showed up in the Merchant and day 8 a fairy made some just planted stuff get ready, which allowed me to get the Coop going very early. I didn't forget about the trees this time and decided to wait until Summer 15 to try and get them cheap with the Merchant and on the 28th I got the Pomegranate one for 4500g! No luck with the Apple Sapling yet tho

On this note, I'm hoping to get the Rabbit's Foot and a Truffle from the Merchant as well because 8k on a rabbit and 16k on a pig is way too expensive for this challenge, and overall imo. The pig I get because Truffles are very worth it in the long run, but I really don't get rabbits besides them being cute. Will I get one in the future? Yes since this is a completionist farm, but if I can avoid paying for them now, I will.

Not that getting money is hard, last try I was able to easily get fully upgraded Barn with 2 pigs and a Big Coop full of ducks by half of Autumn at the same time that I finished the Vault, I just really don't feel like fishing that much if I don't have to lol. So I will wait for the Truffle and Rabbit's Foot until Autumn 10, which should be enough to get the items in time.

I have a bit of a pet peeve with the rabbit because on my first try at this challenge I didn't make it in time because of it. I bought the damn rabbit at the last days of Autumn, after the foot not showing up in the Merchant for 2 whole seasons (making it 3 by the end of Winter), it matured early Winter but didn't drop the item in time even with the required friendship. On day 2, Spring 2 the rabbit dropped it. I was so pissed and burntout (me and my cat where super sick so playing was an hyperfocus to scape anxiety, which meant unhealthy amounts of hours played) I wasn't able to play the game for 6 months after. So yeah, I will not take much chances this time.

Back to the current run, this is how thing are going! I love having the spreadsheet to help organize my thoughts, even if soma stuff (like the fish and trees) are a bit messy lol

So latter today I will begin the summer. The plan is to focus on the tools upgrades to be able to get into the Secret Woods and take that Fiddlehead Fern, and also get the dirt space of the farm clean and covered with sprinklers so I have more free time in Autumn to get all the money and stuff I need to fully upgrade the House, Coop and Barn.

Really feeling more confident in this run and exited to finish this challenge and start the less strict completionist stuff. After some painfully frustrating stuff that happened in my life this week I really can take a win in the silly farming game that I love so much to make me feel better.

Thanks for reading this far <3

[whiskeynovember]

Can I just first say how good my coffee was this morning? a perfect coffee, creme, and milk split... just the right amount of sweetness... nice and frothy... ☕

Anyway, I think tomorrow I will do the basil chop. I just get a bit overwhelmed looking at it. May fuck around and get the peppers as well.

I went ahead and pulled the yellow squash. it was doomed as the stem was too far rotted. did I over water it? was it pests? I don't know for sure.

I planted a mix of diakon and french breakfast radish in it's place.

pruned tomatoes. I'm pretty sure now I have one Roma and 2 better boys up front. Maybe I'll try to keep one of each for next season, which will give me a Roma, better boy, and beefsteak to start out with, plus... whatever else they decide to grow because I don't wanna fucking be the one to do it.

no worms found in the collards today. dill that I transplanted seems fine. marigolds are not actively dying.

put the pineapple sage prop into the pot. tried to remove a small one that rooted on its own, but I'm pretty sure in doing so I fucked up the roots. 🙄

the golden pineapple sage is flowering and I'm hoping I can finally get some seeds from this one. I just need to leave it the fuck alone.

removed a honeydew melon that looks like it's been chewed on and also removed the vine as far as I could. I kinda want to remove another small melon that's attached to a dying vine, but I don't want to do it too soon.

planted purple rutabagas around the very edge of plot one next to the Chinese cabbage. I have no idea what to expect, but they were free seeds and seem kinda fun to try.

I also sprinkled some mesclun greens in a little corner and some chrysanthemum seeds in with the date seeds because fuck it.

I have a few beans I can pick before they turn seed. I really need to keep up with the last push because I have more seeds than I can keep up with. I may be able to leave them for a few more days until ready so I focused on pruning and pulling up the surrounding dead leaves instead.

I'd love to try to do some edamame, but I didn't NT have much room or luck (maybe that's what I'll put in the basket!)

still hoping the pequin peppers grow so I can put them in the grow bag, but so far nothing is happening. I put a few more seeds in the pot, but they're from a super tiny pepper and I don't think the seeds are actually viable.

gonna finish off by clipping down the potted basil flowers and adding in a few more seeds, and maybe doing the 🫛 in a pot. (I got in about 16)

[honorhearted]

This was a different sort of reconnaissance. While Benjamin was typically the one to oversee such fieldwork rather than partake, one of Abraham's fumbles had forced him to withdraw from his usual tasks and thus, go in the cabbage farmer's place.

He stood along the outskirts, talking to a Sue Something-Or-Another and her husband until his eyes started to glaze. Although this mission was important, the words being spewed assuredly were not, and desirous of speaking about something other than Sue's "impeccable tastes in the latest Parisian fashion," and how they were "God's gift" to every social affair, Benjamin tried his best to make his escape. But that was when she appeared...

"Mr. Bolton," Sue's husband slyly began, "this is Miss Elena Gilbert. Elena, darling, this is Mr. John Bolton, just having arrived from Philadelphia."

Benjamin's smile dropped. He knew Elena well -- or rather, well enough to potentially damn his alias -- and tightly gripping the stem of his wine glass, it took him a moment to realize he was no longer breathing. But just like that, the tension ended with the sharp unfurl of Elena's fan, and Benjamin's posture relaxed once she inquired about his prior conversation.

Oh, if only she knew...

"I'm afraid business comes before pleasure, in most walks of life," he offered with a tight smile.

Elena continued appraising him with those bright, all-knowing eyes, and his stomach did somersaults over the possibility that she could still damn him -- that she was assuredly just waiting for the most opportune moment -- but then she extended her hand to him, those eyes of hers suddenly pleading, and Benjamin found himself accepting and falling into a walk around the perimeter.

With her hand tucked into the crook of his elbow, he was no more tethered than before; in fact, he arguably felt trapped as they strode along, his heart in his throat and his shoulders painfully tense.

Finally, Benjamin offered, "You look well, Lena." His tone was cautious, and what he hoped to be inoffensive. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." In more ways than one. Mouth dry, his free hand continued to open and close. "Is there a reason you're out amidst such splendor, or is this your new way of life now?"

It was his roundabout way of asking her allegiance; of demanding why she'd spared him when there was nary a reason to do so. Potentially damning herself to the noose was puzzling, and as they traced the perimeter, his head continued to spin. "Air," he concluded, drawing a sharp breath, "I...I-I think we should get some air. Is there a terrace we can reconvene to without splashing our scandal across the society pages, or are we doomed to keep speaking in riddles and half-truths?"

@honorhearted

chatter emits from every corner of the home, various people mingling as if the world outside held little significance. as if war was not raging and people were not dying. she supposes she's guilty of it too, the way she glides through the home, conversing with ease and enjoying most of the attention she receives from those seeking her affections until she's forced to bite her tongue upon mentions of rebels in the manner of which they are discussed. it pains her to do so, never one to not let her opinions be known but there were more important things at play she had to be aware of. no matter how favored she was or what protections seemingly were granted her by her uncle, such sentiments as she truly held would do her no favors when she remained the daughter of who most saw as traitors. she had to think about her little sister too, sweet meggie, so innocent and unable to even recall their parents. her position could be precarious if she was not careful but it could also be an advantage all the same if only she could find means to use it.

there are common people about, though elena is certain each one in attendance has been granted such for a reason. they'd surly held something of benefit be it resources or otherwise of which afforded them connections to the others present. there are officers too, those not out on battlefields and waging this horrid war. her uncle and by extension elena, her little sister meggie, and aunt judith traveled there with him as he had been called to the town. she remains in idle chatter with sue. oh, how she wished she still had meredith and bonnie at her side they would have saved her from the last ten minutes of sue's talking. she's only saved from such when sue's husband approaches them from behind, clearing his throat and seeking to introduce the man he's been speaking with on manners unknown.

elena turns, golden hair catching the light making it appear almost as if it's glowing. she offers a polite greeting toward sue's husband before her gaze falls upon the man next to him. she intakes a breath but doesn't let out. her eyes widen in surprise. she hasn't seen him in a few years at least, not since before their worlds had been turned upside down by conflict but she knows him. oh she would know his face anywhere even if his eyes now hold something they once hadn't. something older. her ears begin ringing and she suddenly feels as if she's going to faint all at once. the man's name is offered though she hears it as if she is underwater. still, she is positive of one thing. the name does not belong to the man before her. she does not understand fully what is transpiring before her. the last she'd been able to uncover the tallmadges had been of the same mind as her parents and had joined washington's forces. which meant--

'dear girl, are you alright?' sue's husband is speaking to her and she realizes she's failed to speak, finally allowing her breath to exhale as she schools her features into the perfect embodiment of that which she chooses to display. "i apologize, i believe i must have turned too quickly." she states, opening her fan as if to say the heat had gotten to her. then she turns toward tallmadge and offers a bright and confident smile. "it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." she does not expose him, and heaven help her she does not feel any form of guilt for such. "i do hope you have been allowed some time to enjoy such an occasion and not all talk has been business." she speaks to both men though her gaze remains upon tallmadge, an innocence playing across her features and comment.

'do not worry ms. gilbert. i promise i am not a complete bore. we just finished such talk and i sought to rejoin my wife before she admonishes me for leaving her too long to her own devises.' there's a knowing look upon his features shared with elena, as if he knows as well as she that once sue got started she could have whomever she was speaking with there for an hour regaling them.

"who am i to keep mrs. carson from such an attentive husband? if only we all could hope for such a thing." elena replies with ease she does not feel considering the situation around her, offering sue a smile and closing her fan as the woman moves to stand next to her husband. she takes the opportunity when it is presented even if perhaps it is a bit bold toward a seeming stranger. anyone which knew elena knew once she set her sights upon something, she would often get her way even if such sights were the attention of a stranger at a party. and why should any stranger deny the attentions of a beautiful girl? especially when he was decidedly not a stranger even if the others present knew not such. she did not think it vain to acknowledge she was one of the most agreeable woman in the home at present for a variety of reasons.

"perhaps this good sir would do me the honor of his company as we turn about the party?" she steps forward with a showy sweet smile and the expectation of him offering her his arm, but her blue hued gaze focused upon him is pleading. despite outward appearances to anyone else about her loyalties, surly the fact she was playing along with his alias told him she was not his enemy, that she was still the girl who equally talked brightly to him outside church as she played with some of the town's children yet was admonished by him too at times when they were younger. please we need to talk ben, she thinks. this may be her only chance.

[otomemenerds]

[fuckingrecipes]

Oh man I would LOVE a recommended batch-freeze gyoza recipe! I've never made then but I LOVE them, but I'm scared of googling it because of all the ingredients I don't know. Do I have to buy them all? Can I substitute for things I already have in my cupboards? Can I can skip some? How do I make this veggie/vegan? I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Ahhhh, Gyoza, the tasty tasty dumpling. 

Can you substitute? Yes, of course! 

Can it be Vegetarian? Yes, of course! 

Essentials:

2 teaspoons salt 

2 tablespoons grated or ground ginger. (ginger paste!) 

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 tablespoon sesame oil, or olive oil if you want. 

Feel free to substitute or leave out whatever you like from the list below. Remember that everything here must be super-finely minced, or it won’t cook through. 

Mix and Match!: 

Some chives. (idk, how much do you like chives? Go wild) - You could also use super-finely minced onions instead. 

Mushrooms if you want. Tradition says ‘Dried Shiitake mushrooms that have been re-hydrated’ but we’re not traditionalists in this house. 

ground beef or pork or chicken - OR tofu, or extra mushrooms, or just leave this part out! 

you can also mince up (teeny tiny food particles is key!) basically any hard plant matter, So, zucchini, peppers, carrots, asparagus bits, turnip, parsnips, broccoli, etc. Having a slap-chop is really handy for this.  Again, not exactly a japanese flavor profile, but who the hell cares. Still tasty. 

If you’re using cabbage, you should mince up the cabbage, sprinkle some salt on it, massage it in, wait about 15 minutes, and then squish the water out of the cabbage into the sink. This reduces the moisture content and the risk of your gyoza being filled with liquid.

The final ratio is “Everything from the top list, and then 3 cups of finely minced stuff from the bottom list”, mix it up in a bowl, and that’s your filling. 

How to fill the gyoza:

Get some Gyoza wrappers aka dumpling skins aka potsticker wrappers. - any combination of those words.  

Dry your hands completely so the wrapper doesn’t stick to your skin. 

Put wrapper on one hand, and 1 teaspoon of filling in the center. 

Brush some cold water on one half of the wrappers’s edge. 

Fold the other side of the wrapper over the filling and pinch the dry and wet sides together. Pinch along it and seal it as best you can. This takes some coordination and practice to get perfect. 

Once you’ve wrapped them up, you can freeze them =) I tended to freeze mine in batches of 10-12, since that was a small meal for me. 

Cooking the gyoza: 

Frying pan over medium heat. (must have lid) Add a thick drizzle of oil - sesame oil is best, but any oil will do. 

Arrange a bunch of gyoza in the pan so they’re not touching. 

Add about a cup of water to the pan.

Cover with lid, cook on medium-high for 6-7 minutes - you want the wrappers to become translucent, and nearly no liquid is left in the pan. 

Take off the lid and keep cooking for another minute until the bottoms are crunchy. 

Ta daaaa~ It’s ready to eat! 

If you want some dipping sauce, 1-1 soy sauce and rice vinegar is good, and you can add some chili oil or red pepper powder if you want. Maybe garlic or ginger bits. Up to you. 

[anendlessdawnfalling]

⭐ Berry Berry Benny!! ⭐

Here is my late review and opinion of Kurenai Yuzuru's last dinner show in August. I had a hard time to assimilate everything that happened these last months, beware of it's length and I hope you love Hoshigumi. Good reading! 💖 I'm sorry if it comes up to you completely, I don't know how the tumblr editing works. 😰 (I'm not sure the songs listing is entirely accurate.)

It was an emotional evening I must say, I deeply love Kurenai Yuzuru and it was overwhelming. I must admit that I'm not entirely sure of the rightness of my timeline, since quite some time passed. I attended the event in Osaka on shonichi, and everyone was very nervous including myself. The dinner show was held at the International Hankyu Hotel with approximately 500 attendees. The ladies at my table were very lovely, we chatted a bit and of course the easiest subject to talk about was Kurenai Yuzuru! Beni's parents were also in the audience closer to the stage.

🥂 DINNER 🥂

The dinner itself was very nice, and was a four course meal inspired by French cuisine. The Menu was written in French and Japanese, a very cute touch. Most of the sentences made sens, but there's still some work to be done, my proposition is that Hankyu should stop using Google translate and hire me instead. As hilarious as it is, we wouldn't want another "Nouvelle / Chinois " to happen.

Dinner was served in that order; Hors d'oeuvres was raw Bream with veggies and carpaccio. L'Entrée was a piece of lightly fried tilefish with a celery and chestnuts buttery sauce. Oddly the taste remembered me of my mother's cuisine, so it's good. The main course was red meat topped with mushrooms and a light sauce, it was accompanied by asparagus, cabbage and potatoes. My only concern was the bread they served with it, if you ate Japanese bread before you might know what I'm talking about. I highly despise the baguettes there because it tastes like cheap Subway bread, that was my very Taurus rant. Finally, the dessert was a red Opéra cake decorated with a Kurenai 5 colored coulis, fruits and a star chocolate. It was ADORABLE.

For the drinks, there was a wide variety offered, one of my favorite was the Asahi 紅 beer. The servers kept generously filling my wine glass, which I can't complain about. I preferred being a little bit tipsy because I didn't know how it was going to go.

🌌 SET 🌌

The stage was a very shiny deep blue tone and was adorned with some glossy columns. A very galaxy note! (Or metaphor because Beni's the God of Stars) The room was giant and pretty cozy at the same time, maybe I'm highly biased because I love Hoshigumi fans aura. The last time I was in a room that luxurious was for a wedding, which Takarazuka events always remember me of, weddings. One could say that, I'm easily impressed by gigantic crystals chandeliers and very elegant tables settings.

There were two rows of chairs at the back of the room, and just before the show started a few Hoshigumi seito sneaked there before it went dark. After a quick glance I remember seeing Arisa Hitomi, Asamizu Ryou and Amaki Homare. There were many more of them that I didn't manage to get a good glance at.

✨ SHOW ✨

As the room went dark and the lights started to flashes toward the stage, the audience deeply anticipated Kurenai's arrival. I started to envy the others closer to the stage, that would have a better view and I regretted to not have brought my opera glasses with me. However she didn't appear right away, and took quite some time to make the audience more excited. Guess what? She bursted of the door right behind me in a beautiful red suit, startling everyone while running and singing. I almost had an heart attack and didn't regret petty things anymore. Thus began Berry Berry BENNY!!

The "supporting" cast was composed of Tenju Mitsuki, Kisaragi Ren, Kizaki Reo and Shirotae Natsu. Everyone jumped out of the stage as Sayumi made her arrival and the first song was Berry Berry Benny. Which by that point my table mates and I were quite shaken by everything that happened. Truly only Beni can pull something like that over and over again and still surprise me. ( Throwback to Stella Rossa) After the song, the cast proceeded to introduce themselves and chit chat a bit. Kurenai asked if they were in Tokyo, Mikki corrected her and she kept laughing. (She NEEDS vacations.)

The second song was Ai no rengoku from Anna Karenina, performed by Beni alone. A very dramatic start I must say, Mr.Karenin left a deep impression on her. Her interpretation was very venurable, and truly delightful if you love her non comical side.

Special talk segment 1: Two chairs were set up for Sayumi and a guest plus a life sized shiny cardboard of Beni. However it was not the regular Kurenai Yuzuru who came on stage, but Beniko in one of the most horrible costumes I've seen on her. Renta was the first guest of the Beniko show, they spoke teasingly of other Hoshigumi seito about how everyone was crying so hard on raku. Both of them were diabolically laughing. As the time went out, the Kurenai cardboard would illuminate and menacing threats would come on. Naachan interview was sweeter and shorter than Renta, she admitted that she cried on raku unlike someone else. Beniko, Renta and Naachan proceeded to sing Raimei. I wasn't ready for the absurdity of the situation, and I must admit I haven't laugh that hard in so many years.

To leave time for Beni to quick change costume, Ren and Natsu sang Yume Butai [ À bientôt ]. Their voice sounded really great as a duet! ♡ I was especially excited for this because it meant Renta had an extra special moment before her retirement. Nacchan and her are really positive people and you can feel this vibe as they perform. Furthermore, an upperclassmen musumeyaku is a delight to see highlighted.

Beni-chan no usomitaina honto no hanashi: A magical story of Beni's life. She narrates/sing the whole thing with highlights of her life and her love for Takarazuka. From what I remember; Mikki was child Beni, Renta as the creepy Butler from Meichan, Natsu as what I suppose was Beniko and Reo was André. (I might be mistaken, I'll correct it if that's the case. I have a goldfish memory.) Cute anecdote: Her dream was to be André in the RoV shinko, but she was appointed as the Grand Chamberlain and was very sad about it. They also made passive-aggressive jokes about Koike sensei, it made me crack.

LUCKY STAR ! Or a cute reminder of where she started, I was very happy she included that song and I felt like a mother hen. It was a nice transition with her earlier storytime, it's joyful, energetic and very her. ♡ She gave us a very explosive and all over the place performance.

Surprise drum rolls, what you wanted to know for so long and the answer is YES. The glorious Kurenai 5 made the comeback we were all waiting for, or more so the Kurenai 3. Beni, Renta and Mikki were in their old matching T-shirt and nostalgia hit me hard. I almost missed the mullet Beni used to have. Then entered the missing members life sized cardboard, both Reo and Naachan made their respective member dance through the song. No one was expecting this, the whole room was filled with laughter. They then talked about the origins of Kurenai 5 and what fun experiences they had in the past. They pointed out that the band would officially not work anymore, as it would be just 1. Beni proceeded to tease Mikki quite a lot. Both Ichijou Azusa and Miya Rurika had recorded a message for their dear leader, in which Beni was delighted to hear. Renta and Mikki then proceeded to slam their microphone to the cardboards during the intervention. It was hilarious! Both Miyaruri and Shiiran were at the raku in Tokyo, so if the DVD is that recording we'll have the delight to physically see them. Sayumi thought Shiiran sounded very ladylike and that Miya sounded very sleepy, like she should go to sleep.

Your favorite song by Benny was a segment where she proposed us three different songs that she could sing for us. After the vote she discarded the audience opinion and did the one she wanted, Smile from Meichan's Butler. (Very her to do that) Unlike the other times she walked through the audience as she sang, and I started to get nervous again when she headed toward the back of the room. She was taking the time to look at everyone very carefully and lovingly. Then she was in front of me and the world fell down. It was THE BEST two seconds of my entire life. I was very much horrendously blushing , but hey Kurenai Yuzuru and I shared a glance while she sang the creepy Butler song? Very shoujo like situation, a part of me fell in love with her all over again. Otokoyaku are very convincing at their job, they don't need to do much to amaze me.

Special talk segment 2 with Mikki and Reo.

Beniko came back with an even more horrendous outfit than the first one; another awful red gown orned with lines of gold and silver sequins. Oversized trumpet sleeves with feathers on the end, a wig worthy of a Ghibli old witch and topped with numerous fans of herself.

Mikki's interview was the longest, and the one to which Beni's cardboard was the most aggressive. Both her and Reo talked about the whole taidan situation, the troupe loves so much BeniAiri. They're as emotional if not more than fans about this. Mikki and Reo came back on stage and joined Beniko to sing Killer Rouge. Another absurd situation, where Beni's gaze was her cool otokoyaku look but she was dressed similar to the old ladies she always mocks about.

Hoshi wo tsugumono was MikkiReo's duet. What a very dangerous duo they make, both their voices are pretty warm and l had a few butterflies in my stomach. I'm sorry for betraying you Sayumi!

Random selection ;

I believe it's a free for all section and that must choose a song according to their mood. That night the ensemble sang Om Shanti Om as Sayumi went off stage to get a quick change. Boi do Hoshigumi loves that production, their enthusiasm really shows while singing this particular song. They went through the public and did a few handtouch. Renta stole the fan of an audience member right in front of me and decided to refresh herself with it. Reo was having her usual bright sunshine energy, Mikki was being an Ikkemen far away from me competing with Natsu. The bright wave of Hoshigumi energy was filling the room, and you could feel the love.

Kurenai came back on stage, dressed entirely in white and we all knew what that meant. The final song was A piece of courage, from Scarlet Pimpernel. God does she LOVES that show most ardently. It was her only lead shinko role and her first Grand theater show as a Top Star, she always seemed to live her best life as Percy. She always look so hopeful when she sings this song, it is VERY touching. Special metion to Aachan who sang it as well at her music salon, if it's not being soulmate I don't know what is.

She got a curtain callback and sang Goodbye from Catch me if you can. Yes, she did that again. As if it wasn't enough from the sayonara show and every other opportunity given to her to sing this. I can honestly say a cried a river again and that I'm in a love hate relationship with that song.

This woman doesn't know what to say to her audience, even thought we made her come back twice. She just told us to go home and that it was over in her lovely kansaiben, I love it. ♡

The show was really fun and I'm really happy I got to go, I hope I didn't forget anything. They rehearsed after having to do one if not two performance a day , and only came out late at the night. They've all worked very hard in such a short amount of time, and the result was GREAT. Kurenai Yuzuru is a real entertainer, a star and she adores it. She puts so much love and energy in her work, it's truly admirable. I'm delighted to have been able to follow her career until now and I'm very glad I focused my attention to the wobbly Mercutio many years ago. She made me cry, laugh and dream. I love her SO much.

My final words are going to be her motto:

Never give up!! ☆

[afoolandathief]

Oh hey this is also sitting in drafts and I'm currently in a purgatory-like state of sitting and waiting around so here have this:

But now, leading a toddler down a twilight-lit alley, was an especially bad time for it.

Lila always had trouble with memory the night after a full moon.

She did have a few memories of the night. Snuffling around some sort of dry, prickly bushes that caught on her snout as she tracked the scent of a rabbit. Then, a high-pitched squeal, and something launching itself on her, burying its tiny hands in her fur.

As a wolf, Lila’s instincts usually would be to attack, to snap at the little thing grabbing her tight. But something else kicked in, she remembered now. There was a flash of memory of darting about the girl, who giggled and squealed before again jamming her chubby hands into her fur. And then — had Lila somehow carried her with her?

“Where we go?” the little voice chimed in.

The girl’s enormous brown eyes were glancing up at her. She had a brown face framed by dark curls, and her round cheeks and sprinkle of freckles across her nose reminded Lila of a Cabbage Patch doll she had growing up.

She was also only dressed in pajamas, and Lila now realized with a pang of guilt she had been leading the child barefoot across an alley littered with cigarette butts and broken glass.

“Somewhere we can rest,” she finally answered, lifting up the girl to carry her.

Her muscles ached with the new weight. But all of her was already aching. Every night of transformation meant muscles tearing and rehealing, skin stretching and prickling with hair growth; changing back was a similar process with the addition of vomiting up stomach contents and atrophying bones.

Normally Lila would be seeking some way to numb the pain. But instead she had woken up spasming behind a warehouse with a toddler prodding her and asking in her little language if she was okay.

The sun was rising above the horizon now, burning the stucco walls of a condominium block light pink. The soft colors and palm trees lining the path did little to stop the tension Lila felt as she punched in numbers on a door pad to enter.

She tested the door at the end of the second-floor hallway and found it was unlocked. Pressing a finger to her lips to mime to the girl to be quiet, she stepped inside.

Black curtains and vinyl coated windows kept any light of the rising sun from getting in here. Lila had to use her free hand to feel her way along the kitchen counter.

“We can get some food and rest here,” she whispered to the girl. “But we need to stay quiet, or else -”

“Or else, what?” a voice cut in.

Lila let out a tiny gasp and jumped. Frantically feeling along the wall, she turned on the light.

A man was sitting at the table with a glass and a bottle of vodka in front of him, blinking slightly as the light washed over his pale skin and white-blond hair.

“Caz,” Lila said softly. “I — I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

“Was having a nightcap,” he said, running a finger along the rim of the glass, his eyes fixed on Lila and the girl. “So to speak.”

“I didn’t think you could drink that straight,” Lila said, her voice gaining strength as she squared herself against Caz.

“I’m building up my tolerance,” he said dryly, before standing.

He loomed over Lila, inspecting the toddler more closely.

“So, what’d you bring home, you goddamned stray?” he asked, before a poisonous grin grew wide across his face. “Some little morsel for me?”

Lila gripped the girl tight.

“You wouldn’t dare, Caz.”

He gave a quiet laugh.

“Well, what else would you expect, bringing this thing to a vampire’s lair?” he asked.

Lila narrowed her eyes.

“Drop the act, Caz,” she said. “Why are you being an asshole?”

The smirk fell off Caz’s face, and he took a breath.

“Two weeks, Lila,” he said. His voice was plainer now, but that restrained anger was starting to come through. “You’ve been gone for two weeks. No note, no call. Just up and gone.”

“I’ve been turning,” Lila said, her voice breaking. “You know that.”

Caz crossed his arms and leaned even closer to her.

“No, you know that’s bullshit, Lila,” he said. “You’ve been gone for two weeks and the week of the full moon isn’t even over yet. So what have you been up to for the other eight days?”

Lila moved back, bumping into the counter. She set her mouth in a firm line but didn’t say anything.

Caz began to pace the kitchen, throwing his arms wildly over his head.

“You’d think I’d be used to this by now,” he said. “Waiting around, not knowing if you’re alive or dead.”

“Oh please, Caz,” Lila scoffed. “Talk travels fast. I know what you get up to when I’m gone, and it certainly isn’t waiting around.”

Caz stopped pacing and fixed Lila with a hard stare.

“Well, what do you expect me to do, Lila?” he asked. “Stay home and knit?”

Lila released a heavy breath. They had been arguing more and more lately, and this was ramping up to be one of their worst, unless one of them derailed it.

“Hi!” a little voice chirped.

Or neither of them would have to.

Caz ducked down to stare directly at the toddler.

“Hi,” he said dryly. Then he lifted his head to face Lila. “Who the hell’s kid is this?”

feel like I should share the "Caz and Lila accidentally kidnap a baby Violet in the 90s" AU again

[jamiebluewind]

Why I'm So Good At Angst

Why The Latest Episode Of Fantasy High Effected Me So Much

I got pretty emotional after the last episode and when combined with recovering from bronchitis... it wasn't a fun night. I decided to write down a bit of my history to help and then I decided to post it because... well who knows? I just felt like it. Let me make it clear; I am okay. I am going to therapy. I moved 1300 miles away from these people. Most of this was years ago. There is NO reason to treat me differently because of this. But it's dark and PTSD is a bitch sometimes. So here are the crib notes on why I'm so good at writing angst. Trigger warnings abound.

Tw: child abuse, neglect, starvation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, insults, controling, isolation, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, gross imagery, sickness, mention of surgery without consent, dark themes, blood mention, rape mention, death mention, suicide survival mention, animal abuse mention, very minor spider mention (tell me if I missed any!)

Let's start at the beginning. I was born a "mistake". My mother wanted a kid, so she went off birth control and got pregnant. They were late 20/early 30s, VERY broke, not equipped to have a child, he didn't want more kids (he already had 3 from his first marriage), and they were about to break up. Instead they got married so I wouldn't be a "bastard". Turns out, that is a bad foundation for a marriage.

They were expecting a boy when I came out. The doctor said my heartbeat was so strong that I had to be a boy, so they didn't have a name picked out. Thus James became Jamie and my parents became disappointed.

I was mildly intersex so the doctors "fixed" me, but I didn't find out for years. What I did find out was how much money I cost and what a burden I was on my family with shocking regularity. Also, nobody told my mother that babies aren't cute little bundles that you can use to get more attention. They cry, poop, eat, and repeat and they need constant care. So, I started out with the cards stacked against me.

My mother was also... not the sharpest tool in the shed. Case in point, for about the first six months of my life, my mother gave me formula that I was allergic to. My dad (worked extra shifts and odd jobs to make ends meat) only found out when he was watching me when my mother went out of town. There was a substantial amount of blood in my diaper, he called my mother, a day or two later she finally called back to tell him it was normal, he got worried and took me to the doctor, and they told him I was allergic to whey protein.

Thankfully, my dad's parents lived next door. I stayed with them a LOT. Basically lived there. I would visit my parents, say hi, and then run back next door. Mamaw (dad's mother) kept me fed, never made me feel bad for how I saw the world, and was always willing to help. I had dyslexia and every night we would sit and drill my spelling words before she would sing me to sleep. Papaw (dad's father) was great too, but more of the playful one who taught me jokes and how to play poker.

Then Papaw got sick. First cancer and then Alzheimer's. I had to start staying at home a lot. I helped as much as I could. He lived a long life. I was there when he died. Death is not like it is in the movies.

In the meantime, I had school. It was tough, but I had Mamaw helping me and a friend. We hung out on the playground together for a year or two, but my parents found out and threw a fit that the teachers had "allowed" it to happen. Because he was black. Yes. They were also racist. So my friend and I were no longer allowed to be near each other. Mamaw found the whole thing stupid.

In 6th grade, I had a teacher that hated me. Long story short, long before I was born she and her husband owed my grandparents money and they were bitter over eventually having to pay it back. So she "lost" a lot of my homework and treated me like crap.

At the end of the year (after it was already over with), my mother took me out of school and told everyone that she was going to homeschool me. She did not.

Suddenly, I was my mother's maid. I waited on her hand and foot. I did the cleaning, she told my dad that she did it while I sat on my butt, and I would get in trouble for being lazy. She gave me an allowance and then took it back saying she needed it for bills (mind you while saying they were broke because of me). She told all my friends that the number I gave them was wrong and that I had moved away. She bought homeschool books and when I eventually got stuck on every subject, she told me just to forget it and that I could eventually get my GED. She never registered me, so on paper it just looked like I dropped out of school 2 weeks before the end of the 6th grade. Nobody ever checked on me.

I rarely left the house and my mother used me to con people out of money. I went hungry a lot. Sometimes she would give me food that I was allergic to which would make me sick. Sometimes she would make me eat rotten stuff (just imagine a cabbage stew that has been sitting in the fridge for weeks and has this waxy film on top and a sour smell ones you break through. I've eaten stuff like that because she said I wasn't allowed to waste food). I snuck food out under my clothes and kept what I could hidden in my room. We had a pantry full of food too, but she said I wasn't allowed to have any of it. Things like panties and bras weren't replaced as I grew and became so tight that I still have a dent around my waist and my chest. However, the shirts she bought for me were in her size (so she could borrow them), so they were just massive on me (she was a plus sized adult).

Still, I felt like a selfish brat for asking for even minor things, so I just... existed. I had a game system in my room that helped me escape. My older half brother moved in with his wife and kid and I babysat my nephew (for free) which was... something. A second nephew came along and the pair were a handful, but I did my best.

I snuck outside as much as I could. I would jump on my trampoline (before it broke). Play with a stray dog or cat. Observe a spider. I saw Mamaw (and Papaw before he died) as much as I could, but I hid what was going on at home. Mamaw was my escape, but then she moved out of her house and into a smaller house in town. That's when it got bad. Nobody was there to notice anymore, so my mother could get away with more. Dad worked too much to see.

I asked to go back to school when I was 12 or 13. My mother told me that they would hold me back three years so I would be in a class filled with children and she would get in trouble for me being lazy. It was my fault. She made me scared to go back. Later in my mid teens, she would tell me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone what she'd done or she would go to jail, my dad would go to jail, and I would get put in an orphanage and raped every day. At the time, I was getting physical contact so rarely that it hurt when people touched me. I had a panic attack when a doctor told me to undress for an exam. So not only did I want to protect my parents from jail, the possibility of... that... it was enough for me to not only keep quiet, but actively try to keep what she was doing from getting out.

A lot of my teenage years are rather blurry (part due to monotony and part due to the food stuff). Mamaw had a stroke and I volunteered to take care of her (which I did). My mother used me to con people out of more money (unbeknownst to my dad). I got sick a lot and was often not taken to the doctor when I should have been. I waited on my mother. I took care of my mamaw a couple days a week. My mother started taking pills and gambling heavily. I was told later that she bragged to people about being able to do as she pleased as long as she got home before her husband because her daughter was at home doing chores. When I cleaned the toilet, I had to do it barehanded with a washcloth. I'm pretty sure she poisoned me a couple times. It wasn't fun. Did I mention that her favorite book was Flowers In The Attic by V. C. Andrews? She had a copy that was extremely well worn. *shivers*

At one point, I rescued a kitten from stray dogs and got my dad to let me keep him. I got a second kitten less than a year later who was so tiny she had to be bottle fed. Their names were Punkin and Hopee and I kept going because nobody else would take care of them if I was gone. I know my motger wouldn't because they weren't fed when I wasn't there. They are the reason that I fought to survive.

At 16, my mother took me to a urologist and told me that they were going to put me under to take a urine sample from my bladder. I woke up having had a surgery on my genitals to make them more feminine. Yes, I know how messed up that sounds. I had to go to a specialist when I got older for pain and get treatment for it. I'm mostly okay now, but that doesn't change the fact that it was objectively wrong. Please, if you take anything from this, remember that.

A week after my 18th birthday, my mother kicked my dad out. She wanted a divorce. She told me that she couldn't get in trouble for what she did anymore because I was an adult. The few weeks I was totally alone with her were really bad. She got a stereo, put it right next to my door, and blasted country music when I was trying to sleep. Made some excuse as to why it had to be there and that loud. We were in a well insulated house, so there was no one nearby to complain. I was so tired all the time and still had to wait on and cook for her. Til this day, I hate country music and I can sleep through most background noise.

I moved in with my dad. I had a lot of panic attacks. Some seizures. I was scared to be alone. Horded food. I was at one point sitting and wriggling because I had to pee and needed permission. I was a mess.

Dad and I were good for a while. I followed orders and kept the place clean. He insulted me some and was... honestly very harsh. He said he was preparing me for the world. He was nice most of the time though and so much better than my mother.

As time went on, the insults became more frequent. How much I looked like my mother. How I got all my bad traits from my mother. My voice could give people a headache. Useless. Dumbass. On and on. Nothing was off limits. He became so controlling. Taught me to drive, but my curfew was 8 or 9 pm. I had to save money and not waist it because I would need it later and buying anything small for myself was stupid (but he would buy random stuff all the time). In fact, everything I liked that he wasn't into was stupid and a waste of time and energy. He was better than my mother in so many ways. I never went hungry with him. He let me hug him sometimes. He would help me out with things. That was why it was so hard for me to see the verbal and emotional abuse and how much he was controling and gaslighting me. Every favor had a price. I was isolated. When I started going to college, the control became worse. The insults more rapid pace. I was beat down.

Then I met a guy whom I thought loved me. You know how it goes. He seemed better than my dad. Better than my mother. That was the best I deserved... right? He isolated me. He tried to get me away from my friends. He controled my money. He didn't take no for an answer. He used my bisexuality as something to guilt trip me over and like it was some grand thing for him to be as okay with it as he was. He made me feel like nobody else would be with somebody like me. It... wasn't good. I was with him seven years. Multiple break ups, but I always took him back. I survived two suicide attempts (OD for the first and called in before anything happened the second time after he had me go off my antidepressants). After the final breakup, we met up about the money that he owed me and he decided to not take no one more time and then blamed me for it. My best friend was on the phone with me afterward as he was texting me. My ex also said that it would make him happy if I never dated another man again. Then he sent me religious pamphlets. There's so much more, but he's not worth talking about.

I lived with my dad a year. I was broke and broken. I had my dog, my albino sand boa, and a few posessions. I didn't even have mamaw anymore (she had died a couple years prior). My ex threatened me. My dad just told me to ignore it, so I didn't pursue it legally. My dad limited the time I could be on my phone, gave me an 8pm curfew and a 10pm bedtime, and a door with no lock that I was to leave open unless I was changing clothes. He did nice things too like letting me stay with him and getting an old beat up PS3 from a pawn shop so I would have something to do, but he also insulted me constantly. I had made friends online and been friends with them for years (including my best friend mentioned before), but he said they weren't "real" friends and would ditch me the minute they had to be around me for any length of time because I was so annoying. I had too much wrong with me and nobody would put up with that shit. Just a string of insults. Dad even insulted how I laughed! It was hard to realize how bad it was due to the duality of it all.

Dad only "allowed" to date white cis men. He also said that if I ever had or adopted a non-white child, he wouldn't be able to accept it. I was chastised when I did things he considered not feminine and not "allowed" to do or talk about things in his presence that he was fine with my minor nephew doing and saying. He blew up if I mentioned anything LGBTQ+. He went nuclear when I got a tattoo to take back ownership of my body (my avatar), saying he thought I would back out and then said it made me that it was ugly and disgusting and no good man would want me now.

Through all of this, I couldn't even get support from the people in my hometown. It was a very religious area (almost infamously so). The locals considered me weird and "off". I was religious positive and supportive as long as it didn't hurt the individual, others, or society as a whole, but it wasn't for me. People were always trying to get me to go to church and praying for my soul. I was accused (more than once) of being possess by a demon that was blocking god from coming into my heart and slowly turning me half gay. Others tried to convince me that I was confusing apreciation for women with attraction and I couldn't prove that I wasn't straight (with the addition that all bisexual women were sluts and I wasn't one). There wasn't LGBTQ+ resources in town or out people to begin with (I only met two or three my entire life). I couldn't make friends. I was used a lot. Some people worried about having me around their kids. It was a stressful environment. I got pretty decent on arguing with strangers who wouldn't leave me alone (I seriously had someone screaming bible verses at me trying to save my soul while my dog was in emergency surgery so... yup). My only escape was my two best friends online and a few other awesome people I met the same way.

I moved into an apartment, but I was still isolated, alone, and touch starved. I broke my arm (oblique compound fracture of radius and ulna with a crack towards the distal end of my ulna) and my family was there for my dad because he had to take care of me. No hospital visits. I had to hire someone to clean my appartment (despite being broke) because they saw the mess as my fault as well as the injury. Dad dropped me off at home much sooner than I should have been left alone. But my two online best friends? Calling. Texting. Sending things to help. Checking on me often. One got on a plane and flew down to see me and do what they could with the day they had there. That's when I realized. They were my support system. They lived fairly close together. So, despite living in one small town my entire life, I packed up the moment I was able to and moved 1300 miles away to be near people who cared about me.

It wasn't easy. I had so many panic attacks. My one year old ESA cat Danny worked overtime. My dog passed away from kidney failure. My dad drilled it in my head that they would ditch me after a couple months because of how annoying I was and that I would either come back to [state] with my tail between my legs or in a body bag. I had to sell or give away everything that couldn't fit in my friend's small suv. It was hard, but I found a way to push through and do it. One of the last things I did was leave daisies for mamaw at places she liked when she was alive. I like to think she helped me have the strength to walk away.

I've lived here in my new home about 9 months now. I'm happy. I'm loved. I don't regret leaving a second. Sometimes PTSD will rear its ugly head like it did with the latest episode of Fantasy High. It's not something that I can control and honestly? The idea of being trapped after getting away and being stuck with my abuser again terrifies me. Seeing it happen to Adaine? It made me sick and I had an anxiety spike. I'm better today and I intend to eventually rewatch the episode to desensitize myself, but still, it was a lot for me. It's okay to not be okay sometimes and to need a break. It doesn't make me weak or bad or stupid. Another lesson for the person reading this I suppose. If it's not bad for me to ask for help orneed a break, then it's not bad for you either ^_^

I still have depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, health problems, and food issues. I think I always will. But I'm finally allowed to be happy. I'm finally allowd to be myself. I'm finally allowed to let myself be cared for and loved. I'm getting help. Learning techniques. Started taking CBD along with my meds. I'm finally as okay as I've ever been in my life and it's amazing.

PS: Just as a side note, remember to use trigger warnings. Even if something doesn’t bother you or most people, doesn’t mean that it wont make someone else have a bad day. Sometimes all we need is a warning to mentally prepare ourselfs. Sometimes we just can’t handle something that day, but can another. So remeber to tag, even if something seems minor to you or canon complient. Your readers will sincerely apreciate it. ^_^

[noitanorjassa]

18.10.2022

The Faulkner class mid term essay is done and turned in last night, 3 whole days before the deadline. My procrastinating nature is finally maybe learning to not do things on the very last minute with tremendous amounts of stress.

On the neighbouring mountains there's snow already and yesterday it snowed a tiny bit of that watery snow. The weather has been oddly similar to home even though I am now 1000km more north-located. I hope we could have nice wintery weather soon since now it looks like november at home, almost all leaves have fallen and it's constantly raining. It doesn't bother me that much but still i would like some snow and precious minus degrees already. Guess i'm too impatient, but i was promised the arctic and i want it!

Going to Finland for a week in the first week of Nov to see Behemoth and Arch Enemy. In theory I could go to Oslo to see them but that would mean flying anyways, so I'm going to make a small visit to Helsinki and bring back some summer-ish clothing that I probably wont need anymore. I have waited this concert for almost two years now, but then the Plague happened and postponed everything, so i gotta do a Helsinki tour from the exchange.

I bought both Tommy Orange's "There, there" and Susan Power's "The Grass Dancer" from the uni shop akademika just to treat myself. Well they are books for the indigenous literature of the US as well but I liked them and checked the price, found out that i can afford them, and got them. Reading everything as PDF's is starting to become very tiring, i always prefer real books instead of the boring e-copies. The uni library is also my best friend since I have loaned most of the courses' readings from there. Free of charge, libraries for the win. <3

Food prices have stopped trying to kill my bank account after i downloaded the "tillbundsavis" (the app for sales in different grocery stores and other stores). Seljanka soup has been one of my main dishes since the cabbages have been 5 nok/kg. Usually they would be like 20. Slavic roots showing, oops.

I am considering getting my skis here, but sadly no, I already bought my return flight ticket without the extra baggage. So no skiing until when i am back in Finland.

[sftswigan]

Manchester garage punks, Tinfoils, George from the band tells us about their latest single, their money raising effort for BLMUK and how a game of pool completed the band...

Alright hope you’re doing well through this shit time.

Can you tell us who Tinfoils are and where did the name come from?

TINFOILS are a mardy northern bastard garage punk band based in Manchester. There's three of us, and we've all moved here from Yorkshire.

The name came from when I was on an X Files hype. Thought it was a good name for a band, so I just got the Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages before we'd even done a rehearsal! I think it was before we even met Will. I just thought it was a good name, the other two agreed and we ran with it.

Sounds like you had confidence in this band early on then. How did you find Will and what has he brought to the band?

I don't know if I had loads of confidence in the band before we started really, I just thought the name was cool! We didn't really take it very seriously for a long time, took us about 6 months to bother looking for a gig. Was just an excuse to meet and get pissed up at first.

Me and Alex had known each other for a while, and went to a pub in Fallowfield. We were having a game of pool, when two blokes came up and asked if they could play doubles because no other tables were free. We agreed, and one of them turned out to be Will. After that they invited us to some flat party, and at about 6 in the morning on some unknown persons kitchen worktop he mentioned he played bass. We met up a couple of days later and the rest is history.

He's an amazing bassist, and his love for funk has a massive impact on every song I write. Tunes always come out sounding better once I show them to Will and Alex.

Love the bass lines in your songs, The Abyss, especially. Could’ve been a different story if you and Alex decided that was your last game of pool and just handed it to Will and his mate!

Like The Blinders, you also (and I think one or two others have followed suit) made the journey from Doncaster to Manchester. How much of a difference has that made to you and the band?

Definitely! All credit for that goes to our mate Breezy to be fair, he was the one who suggested doubles. He drops it in to conversation every time he's trying to convince us to come out.

Yeah I moved from Doncaster about 5 years ago, I do love it to bits but I wouldn't have been able to do half the stuff I wanted to if I'd stayed. Wouldn't have met Alex and Will, and probably wouldn't have ended up starting a band. There are some decent bands in Doncaster but a lot of it was indie stuff at the time, which I do like but not something I was interested in doing. The music scene in Manchester is amazing at the moment, there's so much music and it's all really different and interesting. Best place for music in the country at the moment I reckon.

Manchester is definitely a great place for music but I think the UK in general has a really good music scene at the moment with loads of good bands about! Though places like Manchester have some unreal venues and bands love playing there.

I wanna talk about your latest single ‘Spitting’ which was released during lockdown. Absolutely love that track! You went to Magic Garden to record it. What did recording it there bring to the song?

Cheers mate, we're really happy with it. I think it added a lot going to Magic Garden, Gavin's brilliant. First of all, it's just way higher quality than anything else we've put out, and I think it manages to sound a lot like we do live. Gavin also suggested we add some vocals in to middle 8 bit, which was originally just instrumental. I quickly wrote something down on a bit of scrap paper in a few minutes, and recorded it in one take, and that's the take in the final song. It's the whole "lap me up I'm stagnant water" bit. We'll hopefully get some more tunes recorded soon, would love another trip to the garden. The music video for the song is just clips of our time at the studio mixed in with some live clips, had a really good time there.

I hear quite a few bands speak highly of him and his influence on their time in his studio. He does seem to get great results.

You recently released some songs on bandcamp that were live demos if I remember correctly. Are they going onto Spotify at any point and also will you be recording any of these? Peeping Tom is probably one of my favourites of yours.

Yeah they're a load of demos we did at Dead Basic Studios last year, we thought it was a shame to have them just lying about. We decided to put them out and donate all the money from Bandcamp Day to BLMUK, every little helps doesn't it. They won't be going on Spotify, but I reckon we'll probably record a couple of them properly one day. Peeping Tom's a bit of a favourite, would love to get that recorded in a studio but there's a million tempo changes so I think it'd probably be tricky to nail down. Its one of my favourites to play live, especially when we're headlining and get the chance for a self-indulgent 10 minute jam with a big sing-a-long. The demos will stay on Bandcamp for the foreseeable, but I think we'll probably take them off at some point.

A great cause, did you manage to raise much? Some really good tracks on there would love to here them recorded like you say.

So what are the bands plans once lockdown is relaxed to a point bands and musicians to get out there and do proper stuff without fear again?

Yeah we raised about £60-70 I think? It was only for the day, when Bandcamp waived their fees. Props to Lewis from Dead Basic for recording and mixing them all.

First things first we need to get in for a rehearsal! I've written a load of new songs which I'm looking forward to working out, I think it'll be a lot of new tunes in the set list when we're back gigging. Hopefully reschedule our tour that had to be postponed, play some tunes, get some recording done, and go out and see some bands! Just got to hope it's not too far off.

That’s awesome! Excited about the new tunes and future recordings...and gigs again obviously.

Hopefully you can squeeze a rearranged gig for us on the tour!

You mentioned how highly you rate the Manchester scene. Which bands should people go and see once bands get to gig again?

There's a tonne of bands to go and see, to name a few: Loose Articles, Blanketman, The Early Mornings, Swine, Springfield Elementary, Giant Boys, The Red Stains, Cold Water Swimmers, and loads of others. There's a lot of different styles about but I do feel like there's a sort of coherent feeling between all the bands around here at the minute. It got to the point just before pandemic where no matter which venue or what day, if you turned up you'd probably see something amazing. Fingers crossed it all survives the lockdown!

There’s some good bands there, really like Springfield Elementary and Swine what I’ve heard of them and also Red Stains. I need to check the others out but we’re very lucky to have so many good bands about and more people these days that are very much into new music!

We’re gonna end the interview with some quick fun questions...

Favourite album/EP of this year?

I'm gonna go with either Zero Dollar Bill by Do Nothing, or The Non-Stop EP by Buzzard Buzzard Buzzard. Can't pick between them!

Also really looking forward to Fontaines DCs new album, and Idles, and The Blinders.

If Tinfoils could tour with any band alive or dead who would it be?

Would love to go on tour with Fontaines DC, Idles or Sleaford Mods. If I had to pick between them, at the moment probably Fontaines. Loving their last few singles, and Dogrel was banging.

Ah wait, Thee Oh Sees! Maybe Oh Sees actually. Any of the above would allow me to die happy.

Is there a song that at least one member isn’t keen on in the set but are outnumbered?

I don't really like The Royal Baby Machine that much, but the other two do.

Chinese food or Indian?

Indian

Lager or Real ale?

Ale, but more of a standard bitter to be honest. Not West Coast passionfruit and jasmine infused with lemongrass IPA stuff, it's rank and I don't get it. Give me a pint of John Smiths over that wank any day.

Festival you’d love to play?

Wouldn't turn down Glasto!

Last one...

Best live band you’ve seen?

Best live band I've seen is probably Idles.

Alex, our drummer says Cabbage at Night & Day was probably the best gig he’s been to recently

Thanks to George from Tinfoils for chatting to us! You can listen to their music on all the streaming services and go and visit their social media pages. Here is their latest effor, Spitting.