#I'm exhausted ngl
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#I'm exhausted ngl#i feel like ive been working nonstop and im just all that#i am just work sg this point#i dont have any hobbies i have barely seen my actual irl friends in actual weeks any free time i have is spent with my partners#cause otherwise i will literally not be able to see them#idk#and like#i feel myself getting worse#i feel myself thinking more negatively all the time#i feel myself being angrier and less content with everything#I'm angry and frustrated more often than not#if I'm home I'm just not happy#if I'm sitting still I'm not happy but if I'm moving im exhausted#i have so many sleeping pills leftover idk i might just try im so exhausted#I'm so sleepy and not at the same time this sucks lol#i just want to not feel so trapped all the time#my body hurts and i hurt and I'm exhausted#i haven't had the urge to take my sleeping pills in awhile#i just didn't have the heart to throw them away#if i had more energy to care i would definitely be hurting myself im just too apathetic rn. explains the urges to take sleeping pills#just wanna sleep for a very very long time#idrk#I'm gonna try to sleep i guess#it's really not good information that the bridge closest to me is high enough#it sucks that i know this from seeing it#it's so fucking haunting#i hate it#i get the urges bad
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Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.
Part 22 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.
Bonus:
I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.
#Chara and Azzy have another talk#Finally Chara shows their mischievous side.#and Azzy knows Chara's language well#my art#deltarune chara timeline#art#bread#deltarune#ngl im so happy with how that chocolate shake came out. I want to eat it so bad#yay 6 pages of taking :') i hope you guys like that lmao#Glad I got this one done in basically a month and a week! Hah. I'm trying me best :') Halloween.. Exams and a ton of other things came up#surprisingly these backgrounds weren't terrible to do... I mean took more than two hours but you know what I mean#i struggled with how to frame the background though. I actually liked drawing it. But because both the background and my characters--#--are super colorful I have to make sure I don't muddle the whole page.#Ive been thinking of doing the overworld in black and white recently... may help me actually finish the comic lol. idk i may make a poll#gonna try and get the new part out in maybe a month again? sorry. Thanksgiving and Christmas get me exhausted.
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the fact that me, as a fan of both lando and oscar without any bias (maybe a bit on lando but not that much), is going to witness both "oscar fans, lando antis" and "lando fans, oscar antis" posts all in my one dash 🥲🥲
also the fact that atp i couldn't even bother enough with this same situation on both lewis and george. now it happens on lando and oscar as well which got me like....
#landoscar#lando norris#oscar piastri#f1#maybe i need to admit atp rn that#this sport is just not built for a person like me istg 🙂🙂#like....i miss the moments 2 years ago where what i only care the most is only football and football only#and couldn't even give a fuck more about guys being in circles vroom vroom#i mean thank god that there's a bayern match just now right after the race ended#which really liften my mood up and distract myself a bit from intimidating discourse and whatsoever#hmmmm ngl maybe the fact that being a football football fan in general especially in this website really brings a comfort in me#meanwhile for f1...idk why but everything about it (especially during race and after race) really overwhelms me a lot seriously speaking#maybe the fact that football is more team oriented sport#meanwhile f1 is more individual oriented despite there are teams consists of 2 individuals#and the fact that me supporting multiple individuals in a one same team despite that f1 is individual oriented sport#kinda gets me digging my own grave atp tbh#i mean when i said individual oriented sport...it kinda means that in a perspective of most of the f1 fans#and now seeing all every kinds of discourse on my dash really makes me overwhelming a lot i'm ngl#that the fact that i couldn't able to curate my own preference for this f1blr space on my dash 🥲🥲🥲#goddddd srsly tho i just want to turn back time where i only cares about bayern frankfurt and germany nt only ffs 🫠🫠🫠🫠#but yeah who am i to turn around the past 🙃🙃...and plus that once i'm getting into one hyperfixation there's no turning back at all for me#so yeah#goddddd i'm so sorry but i'm just being so fucking messy rn#like all the things that i see on my dash really exhausts my brain and my thought process forreal i really need to throw up forreal srsly :(
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autistic creature finally learns to tell emotions apart at 26 years of age as they try to recover from autistic burnout and realises that "stressed" is not a core emotion: a novel
#like man I've been brushing off like 31 different emotions as a “stress” milkshake for my entire life#when I'm finally realizing that half the time it's just a “exhaustion” “overwhelm” and “hungry” triforce or whatever#been PHYSICALLY ILL because of this ghostly “stress” and NOW?#feel cheated forreal#not that I'm diagnosed on paper either but like the shoe fits like a glove ngl#and it's just increasingly funny how all the people I follow or hang out with are neurodivergent in some way lol#Jacksepticeye's video made me laugh a little bcs yes to all of it#but he also took it so lightly and it was just so nice to see#everyone else in my family are more than likely neurodivergent too but they're in Big Denial about it#and are of the belief that self-diagnosing is inherently bad and just damaging overall to people's self-perception#which is a bummer for me :))
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oh, i figured out aya's skill.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd aya#ngl this like is making me lose my mind because she's had one this entire time#and it's so fucking obvious in retrospect#but was like. was introduced. slowly. it was not really obvious at first. but you can look back and see how it's present even in the ova.#anyway i don't mean to tease but i wrote out about a third of the theory and then started cracking open other parts of the story with sarah#and now i'm exhausted so i'm going to sleep#but i am certain. like there is no doubt in my mind. that i know what aya's skill is. it fits textually and metatextually#and explains a cryptic comment asagiri made in an interview.#where he said watch aya. like. most of what's been incredible has been obvious.#but no. you can see her skill. and it's SUCH a love letter to aya koda.#in a way i was worried he wouldn't pull off. because it felt like her skill was going to manifest from the stress. and it would be like op.#which isn't. who she was. she was a subtler sort of brilliant. one who exemplified virtue. and this skill is so. it's so good. it's fitting#it also explains akutagawa's dragon outfit.#like. there are a lot of theories i've had that are theories. this is not one of them. we might get the confirmation next chapter.#unfortunately i will need to lay out some confucian concepts for it to make sense. hence why i'm saving this for later. but i'm.#asagiri is insane i want to pick his brain and also follow him around like mary magdalene and learn from him.
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Rei-channn.... ;;;A;;; Damn... I just heard his preview solo song from the movie and damn did it hurt my heart.... why are the lyrics quite angsty lol the description of that song should've prepared me but it still hurts damn it
i've made a rough quick tl for myself of what was shown in the preview hopefully i didn't get the lyrics wrong www
渇く感情のハート This heart that is dried up of emotions ずるくてごめんね 瞳でまた君を騙してる I'm sorry for being so cunning, I'm deceiving you again with my eyes エゴから砕けてしまった 大事なJewel The precious jewel that shattered because of my ego 時は戻せはしない Time cannot be turned back 愛の音がしんと 鳴らなくなった That sound of love has ceased to ring 絶望の音楽に to the music of despair 零(-Zero-)からまた歌声 添えたくて… I want to add my singing voice in this once again from zero…
#utapri#how cruel of you making him sing a mellow pop song of feeling trapped in his past...#also the fact that 零 can also be read as rei too....#i feel like the first line can also be emotionally exhausted??? or emotionlessly dried up---idk english lol#ngl i'm also quite curious of aiai and myuchan's song though...#one is medium ballad song of the sadness of separation and anticipation to new beginning#while myuchan is a gothic swing...song? that's said to depict a glamorous world and cruel reality#ngl ai's description just make me think of winter blossom instead lol#though the birdcage in his hands reminds me of mune no kodou's lyrics.....#as for ranran's black phanter.... i'm just going to need to wait to listen to his preview song first lol#cuz his song description is not quite detailed as the other three www#or maybe im just stupid not knowing enough of ranran ww
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"Oh don't you look beautiful, darling~ It's quite a pleasure~"
Wanted to draw @airanke 's beautiful girl Abiteth meeting Syllian so... here they both are! It's actually so nice seeing them together! <3
#my art#warcraft art#blood elf#Syllian Glowsong#took me a while to finally finish this! thank you for letting me draw Abi ;; A ;; she's so beautiful!! I love her so much!!#so very happy I did this!! <3 <3#ngl I would love to draw more people's OCs interacting with my babies#but god the insecurity I'm feeling about this.... it's exhausting ;; A ;;
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merry christmas, hanukkah sameach and happy holidays to everyone!! 🎄🕎🎉 sending everyone lots of love and hugs!!! 💗💗💗
#personal#random fact: i had to slide down an embankment to save a dog stuck in a river today#also got to hang out with 10 dogs at one point which was fun but tiring ngl#i love them all so much#now i'm completely exhausted#staying up to watch the new wallace and gromit film + the annual eastenders shenanigans#i hope everyone is doing well#💓💓💓
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I'm reading poetry at 1 am and spiraling over like 45 emotions at once, which is how poetry was meant to be enjoyed, I think
#hella off topic in tags again lol#current list of favorites:#The Kiss by Stephen Dunn#Connubial by Stephen Dunn#Rain by Raymond Carver#the lesson of the moth by Don Marquis#May to December by Megan Fernandes (I need to buy her book at some point)#The Woman Who Turned Down a Date with a Cherry Farmer by Aimee Nezhukumatathil#and I Like My Body When It Is With Your by E.E. Cummings.#I do not CAREEEEEEEEE if any of this is low-brow poetry. I do not know what high-brow high-quality poetry even is and I'm fine with that.#all I care about is if it makes me feel things and if I personally like it ❤️. I do this for fun and not to rip it apart because it's 'bad'#i've spent too much time around pretentious literary people and that shit seems exhausting! ngl!!!#I have no interest in it. even if what I love is garbage then at least I love it#and I am not just pretending to love it because it makes me look smarter or whatever.#it's one thing if you're autopsying poems out of love for literary analysis and criticism or for a degree#but nothing gets me more than people who ruin others' enjoyment of simple things just to feel above them.#like oh? you like better poetry than me? you care more about feeling smart than enjoying things? should we throw a party? should I call CNN#sorry 😭 this got so salty but pretentious people really tick me off. I've met far too many of them#and I am PERFECTLY HAPPY with my trash interests! I am a raccoon! I love trashy things! thank you very much!#ok i'm going to sleep now though because in true 1 am fashion I am not staying on topic lol.#I tryyyyy to keep complaining/negativity to a minimum here but whatever. I am allowed to have this lol#I like my maybe-bad-poetry-but-i-wouldn't-know. I like bad 90s music. I like campy-ass batshit 2009 FFN fics. I like taco bell. amen.
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Little update from the dragon dork herself regarding my ask blogs and general projects. Just gonna reblog this to @chaos-agent-rory & @golden-king-midas so you guys see it there too. Not been feeling so hot and I'm sorry for the lack of actual content and updates. I've seen all your wonderful and fun asks aswell as roleplay posts tagged for me. I'm so happy I joined the Fortnite Tumblrverse cuz you guys have been such a blast to be around. Just reading your posts in passing is a huge comfort. (Shoutout to MegaloDoom; you guys are adorable.) Mentally I've had really heavy ups and downs that further just added to my fatigue, frustrations, and exhaustion. I do tend to my sketch book and make sure to go outside to catch some sunlight and human interaction (sounds like an alien speaking but I was a major recluse in the past so bear with me lmao).
My therapist will be back from vacation soon so I will be in good hands again by next week. Also meeting up with my self-help group bi-weekly. AND I have my wonderful lil sibling Mons aka G0D living with me who also helps me get some things done around the flat and not spiral down further. I'm thankful for everyone in my life, honestly. ´v`
#seeing a doctor tomorrow for the whole tired thing (hoping my blood's okay... kinda nervous bout that ngl)#and also asking for a different medication that combines anti-depressants and something for my heavy BPD reactions cuz these are unbearable#I've lost so many weeks to this shit now and I'm exhausted#blondieart
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START | Previous | Next
#undertale#undertale comic#imaginary friend#frisk#part 1#i'm honestly too exhausted to come up with a witty caption#but i'm glad to be back with the comic#... this kind of looks like a horror comic ngl
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The person who sexually harassed me when we were in school together called my job today asking for an interview. I had to set them a time for tomorrow. They had no idea it was me of course, but their name on the caller ID left me shaking for a good few minutes after the call ended.
I, in the most polite, respectful, and diplomatic way I could, told my boss the nature of the situation and that if he were to consider hiring them, it would ultimately be them or me.
He didn't even hesitate before saying he absolutely wouldn't hire this person if it made me uncomfortable, he wouldn't take a chance on anything happening to me or someone else, and he'd make sure they don't know I work there when they interview.
I want to emphasize that this was all of 10-15 years ago. My experience certainly isn't the worst it could have been. But the fact that my boss took me at my word, took me seriously, and told me he understood without judgment nearly had me in tears.
I know the bar is low. But I've never felt valued as a person in any job until I got here. Especially by a man, in a position of authority. It just reminded me that it's not all bad out there and some people are genuinely good, at least in facets.
I'm very very grateful and I also want to remind anyone who may encounter a similar situation to speak up, stand up for yourself. You may not get the reaction that I did, but for me, risking my station seemed like an easier choice than being forced to work with my abuser.
Take care of yourselves, friends 💜
#this week has been a roller coaster of emotions and i am already exhausted#lemon it's tuesday#anyways#if i suddenly get super active for like an hour tomorrow morning#its probably because they are there and im hiding in the bathroom or something lmao#five years ago i would have been caught dead asking that of a boss#but now i have successfully sued one company and prevented an abuser from being hired at another#i feel kinda powerful ngl#i'm proud of myself for having the balls to do that#tfw you realize you're not a doormat anymore#ANYWAYSSSSS#goodnight
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I tend to be quite aloof and cynical towards men as I get older but I think the source of that cynicism and repulsion comes from living in a society that caters to and centres men to the point where refusing to participate makes you a pariah, with both men and women. Sorry not sorry but women and women's liberation are my priority; I'm tired of men expecting to take centre stage and be kowtowed to even in discussions about things that primarily harm women cause most are far too selfish and lack empathy to actually value women as people.
#blah blah not all men#and yeah individual men are fine.....i guess#but i cannot exaggerate how little i care about and concern myself with men the older i get and the more i decentre them#if that makes me hateful and mean then so be it#but I'm so sick of everyone and EVERYTHING catering coddling and centring men at every turn#decentring men#decentre men#ngl i gotta find more women who've done and continue to do the work of decentring men cause MAN#female friendships are exhausting#being aromantic also adds a level of alienation too but that's anothet topic altogether#even in leftist spaces yall cater to men and fragile feelings and egos a lot#venting
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just got home from Ruisrock's Super Sunday, what do you mean I gotta go grocery shopping now and cook dinner 😭
#can i get excused from cooking today i had SUCH a day yesterday#singing and dancing along to some songs i thought i'd never sing along to in a concert again (1D)#and singing and dancing along to songs i thought i'd NEVER get to sing along to in a concert (PMMP)#my inner teenager is healed 😭#(there was a time those songs were my only friends)#at least now that i'm home i can finally take olli's plectrum out of my purse and put it somewhere safe because yeah that happened too 💞#(didn’t really catch it but he pointed at us before he threw it and it landed on the ground and a security guy picked it up for me)#and käärijä had invited joost?! trafik world premier?! did that really happen guys or was it a fever dream 😵#and joker out was great too but ngl by then i was so exhausted emotionally from having bawled my eyes out during PMMP's set+#that i was sort of zoning out half the time thinking about olli's plectrum 😂😂😂😂😂#so HOW am i supposed to just go on with life huh 😭#i think first i'm gonna die a bit on the couch and then idk cry all the way to the grocery store i guess lol
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" 'You are angry, my Scion. In pain.' 'Yes' 'Good. Then I will show you why dragons never die.' " - 'ʙʟᴏᴏᴅᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴅ' ʙʏ ᴛʀᴀᴄʏ ᴅᴇᴏɴɴ, ᴘᴀɢᴇ 372
drawn as per request by our lovely Legendborn anon <3 there are no demons in this one but I'll make sure to include them next time lol
#legendborn#bloodmarked#bree matthews#we all hate Arthur but this quote is pretty cool ngl#even a broken clock is right two times a day I guess lol#I'm also exhausted today after a really long work shift yesterday but I'm trying to keep my artsy craftsy spirit up so I don't lose it hsjs#the color still comes out wonky out of Sai and I'm ONE to-do list checkmark away from actually investing in a tablet#so I'm also not super keen on starting on some massive drawing project either until I try that one out lol#we'll see tho !! i'm also gonna redraw the Simon × Baz thing I think bcs they deserve better than whatever I have done so far LOL#but also why is an art style so difficult to nail down tsk tsk tsk#i feel like I'm switching it up way too much lol#my art
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looking at my gif ideas list and feeling absolutely nothing has to be one of the most crushing feelings as a creator
#life#ngl i've been feeling my drive to make gifs slowly declining but would always brush it away as 'having a bad day'#and just push myself to make things because those are MY blorbos?? and if i don't make anything then no one will#but i fear i'm slowly approaching the end of things#like i downloaded the hug mod and looked at it and looked at it and looked at it#and felt absolutely nothing#mel from like 5 months ago would be STOKED af about it rushing to find the prettiest location the cutest outfits etc.#and now i'm just.. yea#funny enough i was inspired to write quite a bit today so holding on to that creatively#not to be all gloom and doom though fingers crossed it's just exhaustion and heat doing a number on me#but i just felt like finally voicing what's been going on in my noggin#will go sit in the garden today and plant some flowers and see how i feel about things after that
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