#I'm easily pulled in by characters with guilt complexes

[kyofsonder]

Me During the Day: Okay. I have daylight. I have time. I have tools for both handwriting and writing on my computer. Do I have inspiration and permission to use it for writing?

My Brain: Let me check... I can give you a few non-commital fragments of inspiration, but not permission to use them. Sorry. Try again later.

Me at Night: I'm out of daylight. I'm out of free time. My writing tools are all put away, and I physically can't access them. Nothing to do but save it for tomorrow.

My Brain: Hey, remember that inspiration you wanted? Here's some mostly fleshed-out ideas and the strongest drive to write them you've felt in weeks. I'm able to give you permission to use them, too. Go ahead and write to your heart's content!

Me, still without tools or lights or a phone app that would sync my writing to my computer: ... You do this on purpose. Why do you do this to me? On purpose?

[amethystina]

Hi 🌸

🤲✅️🤭

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

I feel like I've shared snippets from most of my WIPs already but here's one from the chapter I'm currently trying to edit, which is chapter 6 of A New Dawn (Begins With Us):

"Just drop it, kid."

A furrow appeared between Sa Wol's brows, his despair giving way to a scowl.

"Don't call me that."

Even if 5-8 knew it would be mean to insist, he could tell that he had to create more distance between them. Sa Wol wasn't likely to let go unless 5-8 pushed him away. Not to mention that 5-8 would much rather face Sa Wol's anger than that heartbreaking vulnerability.

"That's what you are," 5-8 replied, as if it should have been obvious.

Sa Wol clenched his hands, his jaw tight, but, to 5-8's surprise, he didn't reply. Then again, maybe Sa Wol had realized that protesting would only make him seem more childish.

Seconds ticked by and once 5-8 decided that Sa Wol wasn't going to respond, he moved to push past him.

5-8 couldn't say if Sa Wol had been waiting for that exact thing or if he'd simply decided he wasn't going to let 5-8 brush him off that easily. Either way, Sa Wol's hand shot out, his fingers curling around 5-8's collar. Reflexes took over, 5-8 falling back on instincts he wouldn't have been able to hold back even if he'd tried.

He dropped his mask and grabbed Sa Wol's wrist, giving it a twist — swift enough to make those grasping fingers slip — before his right hand closed around Sa Wol's throat, slamming him up against the wall.

What 5-8 wasn't prepared for was the sharp tug on his collar, noticing Sa Wol's other hand closing around it a split second too late to stop it. 5-8 was pulled forward, having just enough time to let go of Sa Wol's wrist in favor of trying to stop his momentum. The sound of his palm hitting the wall echoed through the house, but 5-8 barely heard it.

He was too focused on the fact that Sa Wol's face was suddenly less than a couple of centimeters away from his own.

Everything stilled.

The explosive burst of movement left an almost deafening silence behind, 5-8 staring down at Sa Wol, heart in his throat. He could feel a trickle of horrified guilt — for having reacted with such violence toward someone he cared about and wanted to protect — but, at the same time, he could tell that Sa Wol wasn't at all frightened by what had just happened.

He was glaring up at 5-8, gaze hard, his fingers tightening around 5-8's collar — as if to make sure he wouldn't pull away again. The stubbornness and lack of surprise in his expression made 5-8 realize that, most likely, Sa Wol had grabbed 5-8 on purpose, knowing full well what would happen if he did.

They had ended up exactly where Sa Wol wanted them to.

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

... angst?

I mean, there are certain phrases and themes that I also keep reusing without meaning to, but the biggest is honestly angst. I'm a fluff writer at heart but I'm also really fond of writing long and complex stories with in-depth character development and an unfortunate side effect of that is angst. Because some growth only seems to happen through suffering. I am very displeased.

Oh! Wait! I thought of another one: neck kinks.

Why do so many of the characters in my recent fics have neck kinks? Like, at this point I have to wonder if I have a neck kink? But I don't think so? They just seem to occur naturally without me even trying.

It's honestly baffling.

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

Honestly no. Is that a thing? x'D

I add the tags that are appropriate and, lately, ones I think are funny because I like to pretend I'm a comedian. I have ones I use more frequently because many of my fics contain similar themes, but not ones I prefer over others.

I think the closest I might come to a "favourite tag" is "Maybe he's born with it maybe it's gaslighting." But that, again, is because I like to think I'm funny and I felt really clever for coming up with it xD I've used it both for my Devil Judge fics and my Strangers From Hell Zombie AU.

Thank you so much for the ask! :D

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[itslouisan]

Well, short post on Urahara as a vocaloid fan

Okay so, I said how I believe Urahara is a vocaloid fan in my last post, so I thought why can't I elaborate? Hell maybe expand it to what I think other characters would listen to

Urahara:

• He'd like Miku, Vflower, Fukase, Len and Kaito songs.

• His first ever vocaloid song would be strobe light, world is mine, triple baka or rosary pale; (even though I'm sure there's others songs he'd like and I'll talk about it in a second)

• He'd love the idea of virtual singers, probably nerding out to ANYONE about how he thought it was a great technology for musicians who didn't want to expose themselves, were beginners or just wanted to experiment something new, and how he thought this source could be the future of the music industry or even idol industry, having so much potential to evolve and change (which he was correct)

• He would probably try his best to go to a magic mirai show, would get the light sticks, everything.

• About producers, I think he'd be into Kikuo, Materu, Wowoka, Kanaria, Aira, Pinocchio, Akka and Deco 27 (perhaps Ichika too), but there's millions of producers, and since I'm not fluent in japanese, I can more easily list songs than the producers unfortunately since searching about the producers takes time and has a language barrier, specially considering vocaloid is all over the place and in theory everyone who makes music using vocaloid, even covers and small stuff, could be a producer, so ehhhh-

• Collects figures. I think he would be more into the complex figures and looks rather than the prize ones that are simpler

Some examples of figures I think Kisuke would like:

Songs I think Kisuke would relate/like more than others:

1- Strobe Light

An underrated song, in my interpretation of strobe light, it talks about breaking the routine, a girl who's so stuck in it she craves for something new but doesn't have the courage of trying. At the same time could talk about the line between life blurring and becoming gray, boring, with nothing interesting easily, it talks about how everyone around you seems to move on while you're stuck in a point of your life trying to change and try, still people move on, die, give up, and you can't do anything about it, yourself wanting to give up and feeling lost.

My take is that Kisuke would like it since he'd find it in his early months of exile, feeling lost, that everyone moved on, that he'd have to fight to adapt and survive in this new life, together with guilt of his friends being stuck with him now and losing their lives due to his own mistakes. He'd be stuck in a lifeless hopeless situation and routine, trying hard to break free but unable to, after all the situation wouldn't allow him to. He'd crave for freedom, for giving everyone comfort and rest, yet he couldn't rest, stop, live comfortably for a long time, everything blurring out, I think he'd listen to it a lot in his first MP3 player.

2- Cinderella

Okay urayoru moment, in my view, Cinderella is about 2 people leaving everything behind, their lives, their expectations, just wanting to be with each other and trusting that despite the odds of their situation they can be together and happy having each other's company even in dark times with a great love and trust to change their lifes

WHICH IS SO KISUKE AND YORUICHI??? Yoruichi giving away her status, her expectations as a member of the Shihōin clan, her old life, everything to save her friends BUT SPECIALLY Kisuke, trusting that he could pull it off and make a better life for them.

3- love trial

A song about someone who had such a terrible experience in love and relationships, that lost the trust completely in others, judging a partner who had previously liked and had affection for, and in the first place trying not to warm up to them and liking them again.

Another urayoru take, because we all agree Kisuke has trust issues, but I say maybe he always liked Yoruichi, but, because of his issues, when Yoruichi WAS ready to show and give him affection, he wasn't ready in the first couple of weeks or months because of previous events in his love life and life in general (which I hc Kisuke never got the handle of emotional romantic relationships and his first time doing sex with someone was terrible so yup, poor thing) but eventually melting this resolve and accepting he wanted to be happy with her.

4- Plus boy

OKAY HEAR ME OUT, he IS a pervert, no matter what you think, SO A SONG LIKE THAT FROM LEN? Hell he eats it up, plus, plus boy is about a teen boy (or teens in general) and the first signs of sexual attraction and leaving the childhood innocence of stuff, I hc Kisuke became more perverted around 14 years old, so it matches. Plus it's fire.

5- Copy cat

So, Kisuke definitely can't get the handle of social interactions and social cues, I view him as the nerd cast out kid, so, I imagine due to my hc of him having autism, he learned with time to mask all his "undesirable" and "unlikeable" traits that pushed people off, taking this facade for so long he copied the behaviors of other kids, teens, colleagues, liked people, viewing himself as someone with no essence or real personality, that is, he said "fuck it" at some point stopping the masking traits but still having personas, which is progress I guess when we're talking about Kisuke and the fact Shinigami are ageless so this could take centuries of evolution :v

Honorable mention:

In one of the asks kon made, we can see the door of Kisuke's room in the shōten, which translated to "Kisuke's castle", FIGHT ME BUT THIS DOOR DEFINITELY BLASTED WORLD IS MINE INSIDE THERE SOME POINT AND HAD LED LIGHTS CHANGING COLORS TO IT, WEARING A PRETTY DRESS AND CROW.

[palossssssand]

A and B for Gingull and Eidwinn? Also I love their designs so much!

For Gingull: A) Why are you excited about this character?

I'm mostly excited about Gingull because they're kind of the culmination/crossroads point that ties all the other characters together, I think it's an interesting point for a character to be in. Admittedly, I've been having a hard time figuring out exactly how Gingull fits/moves the story forward since she's a product of the circumstances. I'm definitely going to be projecting a lot of personal experiences onto her, so there's a catharsis element to her too. I'm also excited to figure out how she interacts with all the other characters, given that she becomes mute at the beginning of the story, and not everyone would know/understand how to communicate with her and the frustration that comes with it. Also going to have so much fun with electrical imagery <:] The other thing I'm mainly excited to think about is her relationship with Delta(sea urchin), the soldier that pulled her from the malfunctioning machine and saved her life. There's going to be some tension between the two because Gingull is in no way obligated to forgive Delta for it, given that Delta was still actively Working for the military, and Delta has her own guilt complex about it as well due to efforts to break from the military and work towards doing some good. It's a dynamic that I don't think I've really seen or know how to describe, but I feel like it's easily the most interesting one to explore in regards to Gingull's character arc.

B) What inspired you to create them?

Gingull was created for the very initial premise of slug city's story, which was "dystopian government project to 'fix' mental illness spawns beasts that are representative of the illness to stigmatize it", like, the trope of an inner self or unwanted traits being a separate entity and character must learn to deal with it, or something. Gingull's beast is a long, wormy thing made of pure elctricity, and the imagery of that came first, and then Gingull's design, and then the story premise. The above description is currently a bit outdated and a little more nuanced, but the core of Gingull's character concept was built from the electrical beast, hence her helmet shaped like a socket. Initially, the idea was that she wore the helmet to cover her face because she's afraid of the disfigurement, and the electrical beast is a manifestation of her desire to be wanted and understood, so there's a moment plotted out in the story where she discards the helmet and the beast goes after the helmet instead of her. This is still partially true, but I've added a layer where the helmet enables her to not need to make eye contact or mouth expression, so there's an element of new comfort from that. Not sure where I'm going to take the previous concept with this, she's definitely a character that I'll need to workshop more in order to flesh out the core of the story.

Sorry for the really awful image quality but I don't think I've ever shared the beast designs before. Here's Gingull's.

For Eidwinn: A) Why are you excited about this character?

I'm really attached to Eidwinn, I'm honestly still not sure where he fits in the story, but he's very charming to me. Not that he's actually charming personality-wise, he's pretty reserved and generally unfriendly, but he's just very enamoring to me. I'm definitely thinking about a moment in story where Gingull goes to him for solace or happens to meet him, I haven't fleshed out those details yet. I'm also waffling on whether he should have prior relationships to the other characters, but he also just feels far removed from them and I think he's good as-is as a character that isn't directly involved in the other character's happenings but is nonetheless affected by them. He's important in Gingull's context because he's someone that's experienced life in a similar way to her, so there's solidarity in that.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I got started with slug city's premise and began making characters that would make cool beast concepts. Eidwinn's thing is that he's a plant shop owner who has a hoarding problem, and instead of doing anything meaningful about it the govt just dragged him to their machines, so his beast is this massive monstrous orchid that's supposed to represent his (debatably) unhealthy attachment to his plants. I haven't exactly decided if the beast manifestations are decided by Other People's perception of their root issues, or if it's a self-imposed idea, or a combination of both, because each implies something different about the nature of the beasts and how the characters interact with them. There's definitely a sense of shame associated with them, especially in Eidwinn's case where the beast roaming around causes him to be more shut in than before. In any case, I just really liked the concept of his character so he's stuck around. I needed characters that weren't direct players in the story.

also I know I probably could have typed thought up in The Text Post but additional thoughts always get put in the tags and I'm not going to bother retyping them. it's about the vibe of rambling in the tags <3 here's my post-post thoughts:

list of slug city characters question list

[dashielldeveron]

Hi, sorry about the anon but I’m shy. I know you probably get this all the time but I just wanted to gush over your soulmate trope series. I spent my entire weekend binging it and then rereading it all. I can’t get over how talented and subtly funny you are! Your prose is so touching and then you can just flip the moment and dispel some of that tension with a joke that most people could not pull off, it’s artful!!

Bakugo being a little shit and not telling reader his hypothesis, letting her pull her own schemes and letting her suffer! I don’t even like Monoma, I hate Monoma, but you managed to write him in a way that was so charming and endearing that I couldn’t put it down. The paragraph about Shouto hiding all of his true feelings from the world and reader’s determination to draw those out into the open got me in the heart, I just sat and contemplated how this interpretation could be applied to canon Shouto for a while. Aizawa’s desire to be noble to the point he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness and by extension the happiness of his soulmate because he thinks he knows better was just *so* Aizawa to me (not to memtion the incredible sex scene after so much build up between the characters and their dancing around these dynamics they clearly would fall so easily into). Shinso wasn’t even the focus of his chapter for me, I related so heavily to the reader’s insecurity and anxiety and *everything*. It was like you crawled into my mind and fished out all of the things I personally struggle with to put into a reader character.

And Dabi’s chapter? I’ve re-read it three times. It’s so devastating and sweet and sad and hopeful. His physical insecurity, struggling with the things he’s done and wanted to do, not feeling worthy of a soulmate and at the same time not wanting one because he assumes she will paint him into a corner the same way everyone else in his life has. His struggle with intimacy and the hypersexuality he uses to overcompensate. Feeling actually physically ill at what he subjected his soulmate to before they were even destined for each other. And I’ve never even seen seeing through each other’s eyes as a soulmate trope before, to *me* it’s so unorthodox and unique, and you used it so *well*. I’m in awe at your creativity.

And you’ve been going at it for so *long*, I can see your passion and commitment. And your improvement!! Each chapter just gets better and better and better, more depth, more interesting prose, more complex emotions, such beautiful descriptions. If you ever have the desire and time to add more I just know you’ll continue to stun and amaze me in new ways. I hope school is going well for you, I just had to let you know how appreciated your writing is. ❤️

oof that’s a lot to read all at once!! and then again, wow!! it takes me forever to review the canon that i’ve established, so i’m super impressed with your quick read time. and ohhhhhhhhhh it makes my heart siiiiiiiing that you think i can pull off subtle f u n n y...................i try to be so funny all the time, so i'm so glad it's working for you

oh my god bakugou is soooo frustrating; i love him v v much. and i know a lot of people dislike monoma bc he's meant to be Stock School Rival in so many ways, so i'm so gruntled that he was working for you here :) and shouto!!! it's that todoroki Watch Him thing, y'know, and since reader Sees real shouto, she wants him to be seen by everyone :) that's sooooooo cool and flattering that shouto's route made you recontemplate some considerations for canon boy; i also tend to think of him as a little shit, but in a different flavour than bakugou. and goddddddd i think aizawa's route affects me the most bc of aizawa's "noble", stupid sacrifices to be a Good Man; he could have been happy immediately, but it would've been tinged with guilt, and he's suffered enough.

and oh!! it's so interesting that you say that shinsou isn't even the focus of the chapter for you but reader and her insecurities; you're, like, the third or fourth person to say--and that makes me immensely happy. really. bc i was nervous i was making her insecurities Too Specific so that no one would related to them, and with shinsou, i was like, okay, what's could i see as the best possible scenario for someone (me) feeling these anxieties? and shinsou is so willing to give--and it's reciprocal relief for him when, at the end, he doesn't have to too early. i'm hoping that some of it was a comfort to you, even if 1) shinsou not real. there are still good, good people out there who will be enormously kind to you in ways specifically helpful for you.

and ohhhhhh dabi. what a weirdo. idk and am frankly scared of what canon will do to dabi in the end, so i wanted him to be more than okay, but realistic. when you have a mental breakdown, it's realistic you end up living with your parents. you go back to childhood patterns and feel weird and out of place about them. nothing quite fits, and is everyone fooling you by being so kind? do they mean the kindness, or are they scared? what do you fall back on? i don't think he would know what to do at all besides hold someone at arms' length. and also i wanted dabi to be a weeb lol. i feel in my heart he was deeply into naruto and tries to pretend he isn't. and i haven't seen the "seeing through each other's eyes" either!! the closest i've encountered, i think, is when soulmates have a body-swop on a certain day of the year--birthdays, or something, and during that body swop, they rush to find each other. yeah idk i was trying to think of what to write for a dabi chapter, and the first scene that i thought of was the cafe scene where he holds up our chin while we're looking at ourself through him, and the details of how nervous we are and the sweat dripping down our neck. i try to avoid having non-reader POV bc i like second-person limited for readerfic, and i was trying to think about how i could express this strange, calm-but-nervous-and-sweaty look. and i thought, well, why can't we, the reader, be seeing that somehow? silly. but i think it could be fun and/or sexy. like you could both experience a stupid even so that you could bitch about it later together. or he could see what he looks like when he goes down on you. or if you're lost, he can try to recognise the surroundings. idk i think there could be a lot you could do with it, and perhaps some other people had ought to give this type of bond a try.

ultimately, this ask is incredibly, immensely kind and generous and absolutely the best thing i could've seen after an extremely tough semester. i can eat well on this ask forever. you seem to be the exact type of reader i love, who notices small stuff and structure. really, thank you so, so much. i am v v v grateful and a silly little jester at yer service :)

[ciel-phantomhives-world]

Agreed with everything you said 💯. Lizzie must have been a pushy or a comic relief character, at the beginning (or maybe that was Yana's initial intention as she wrote BL manga before and that category usually portrays women as comic reliefs or antagonists 😔😑). But, now she's a whole different character lol. She's acting like an actual complex 14/15 years old teenage girl.

I actually fell in love with her character when she ran away from her home, lol. That's cause, at that very moment, I sensed some rebellion coming from Elizabeth and I also loved the fact that she stood up for what she thought was right. She didn't let anybody tell her what to do. She did that all on her own. I bet that she wouldn't have even listen to Francis (had Francis tried to meddle in) and yes, maybe real Ciel did manipulate her (although we still don't have enough proof of that yet) but from what I saw, well, it was more than her being manipulated by a sickly bizarre doll Ciel.

First of all, she appears to be strong willed and I don't think she's the one to be handled or easily manipulated by someone (although Ciel can be an exception and maybe bravat sky (?), idk) and secondly, she's filled with guilt for being with Ciel's brother this whole time and finally, she knows that Ciel is not well and she doesn't want to lose him again. That's too much for a 14/15 year old to handle but I would say that she handled it in a very well manner. I felt bad for what Our Ciel went through after he got framed but that doesn't really mean that it's somehow Elizabeth's fault. We don't know who framed him yet, right? (Although Real Ciel seems like he's the one who pulled the strings). It's not Elizabeth's fault (as much as we know) for our Ciel being a fugitive. All she did at that moment was keeping her mouth shut and look at our Ciel with disappointment, sadness and anger. I really loved her facial expression from that moment. It was an expression that we have never seen before, from Lizzie, that is. I'm not saying that whatever she did was the right thing (helping Ciel get better although he's a bizarre doll and not speak up about the fact that our Ciel was innocent) but hey shit happens. Every actions have their own consequences and it was Our Ciel's turn to go through the consequences for stealing his bro's identity and tricking everybody. Lizzie's not perfect, none of the twins r perfect and no one is. That's what I like about these 3 characters. They don't try to be overly perfect like many annoying shojo characters (ugh 😩🙄). This whole thing was such a complicated mess that even I don't know (as a 20 year old) that what could have been the right thing for Elizabeth to do in that position. If she took our ciel's side then she would have appeared as a cheater and a traitor to real Ciel and that time Lizzie haters would be saying stuff like how much greedy she is for choosing the alive one's side even though the alive one isn't her real fiance. Haters r always going to find something to hate on. Nevermind them.

Elizabeth improved a lot indeed and she grew up a lot. I also would have really loved season 1 a bit more if they kept that chapter 14 after she regretted about the ring and if they didn't screw up the curry arc. But kudos to the anime for at least showing us that she did give a damn about that ring (even though the anime writers still didn't know that how much important that ring truly was 👏) and for making her quite a charming character (I loved that final S1 Lizzie moment where she made that flower ring and somehow it reached to Ciel).

Whatever and whoever Yana kills, I just hope that it isn't Lizzie (or the servants 😢) and that she gets to live a new life (maybe with a new identity).

“I… only wanted to see Ciel’s smile…I wanted him to be happy… forever.”

[whatsbehindthefacade]

For the character development meme, your version of the attempted Assault. Do you subscribe to the the new movie version where all the jets were involved, the 61 version where some of the jets and anybodys were involved or the stage show where it depends on the production. How do your characters handle that aftermath? Do they stay with the jets?

Send me character development questions!

So this is something I'm still trying to figure out in my head, but I imagine it'll end up being some sort of combination. Obviously in regards to my muses, it doesn't affect Riff, but it does of course affect Baby John and Mouthpiece. For the moment, I'll refer more to the new movie version, mainly because that's where I'm drawing my FCs from.

For Baby John, I think it definitely opens his eyes a little to the group he's surrounded himself with (we can see how he tries to run for the door, but it's already been closed and locked, so he ends up sort of huddled by the door, and he's also one of the first to leave). Afterwards, he does distance himself a little from some of them, though in truth, I don't know what remaining lifespan the Jets as a gang have after the assault, at least in this version. The one he ends up staying closest with is Diesel, and he spends more time with the girls afterwards. He also starts to pull himself together a bit more, keeps his head down, focuses more on schoolwork. He does however always hold a little bit of guilt that he didn't try to do anything or try to stop them from hurting Anita.

Mouthpiece is...a little more complex. He was involved. He's impulsive, and gets swept up into things very quickly and easily, which in my head is what happens here (Very much zero excuse, I do have to stress, there is no excuse for this horrific behaviour). The moment it gets halted and he comes to his senses, he's immediately hit with such a wave of horror and utter shame and guilt. Unsurprisingly, Velma breaks up with him, and that along with the Jets sort of falling apart leaves him going down a pretty dark spiral. It's something he carries with him for a long time and he'll never stop blaming himself for it. He wishes he could do something to make up for it, but he knows that, realistically, he can't.

[bsdthings]

Chuuya analysis

I talked about Dazai and how I find him to oftenly be misunderstood, but I haven't talked about Chuuya.

Everyone loves Chuuya and honestly what is it to not love about this man?

But. He deserves to be analyzed so much. People seem to forget how actually complex his character is.

First, Chuuya has no memories of his past behind 11. He woke up in an unfair world with already set expectations out of him. Even more, resented since the very start for being Arahabaki's veil basically. A God. The God of destruction.

He tried to search for a place in this crazy world and the Sheep formed. You can argue with me, but I do think the Sheep used him, because having someone that powerful on your side meant safety and let's not forget the times they were during. The previous boss to Mori of the Port Mafia was reigning and he's showed to have being cruel and crazy, blood thirsty in a way that exceeded anyone.

It's been mentioned that Yokohama needs specific types of people to control the big 3 in order for the peace to remain, so we shouldn't be surprised at all by the idea that Yokohama must have been a blood bath.

He was 14 when the ones he thought of as friends (or, better said, the only people he had in his life) stabbed him quite literally.

With or without Dazai, I'm sorry to say this, but it would've have happened by the simple reason that less powerful people fear the more powerful.

Yet, his moral compass is, indeed, surprisingly amazing. He's a good man, with all the yelling, the cursing, the killing. He's good at heart and we get to see it even in wan.

Chuuya is someone who's been betrayed and abandoned at 14. Then, he gone through those feelings again when Dazai left.

And let's be honest, he has every right to feel betrayed. Because yes, Dazai was the one who possessively caught him and pulled him into Port Mafia. Dazai was also his partner, his other half. Someone whom he trusts with his life. The only one around his age who didn't fear him nor treated him any differently.

He has abandonment issues and trust issues and gets attached easily and is loyal to a fault. He's kind in this fucked up world yet won't hesitate to crush your lungs if you're an enemy to his people. And that's the thing. Many times, it doesn't matter if the people you get attached to are bad when they're all you have and they're enough to you. Especially when you've never had more than that. The best I ever had

This loyalty keeps him tied with so many, from Mori to Dazai to Kouyou.

And it leads to downspiralling. Because he feels he'll never be enough for the people in his life. Because no matter how good he is, no matter how strong he is, Mori will always chase Dazai and Chuuya finds Dazai always caring more about Oda (what if it were me in Oda's place? Would Dazai do the same for me?) and Kouyou focuses on Kyouka. It's like being left by everyone who means something for you yet trying so bad to hold on at least, to hold on to the tiniest bit of what they would offer just to have them remain in your life, as you don't know any other without them or can't imagine one.

And there's where obvious depressive episodes come in. With his obsession for wine and the way he sometimes smokes.

(⚠️DEAD APPLE SPOILERS ⚠️)

He's the one who actually aknowledges Dazai's suicide attempts with hidden worry and comes to save him when his genius plans become dangerous for himself, even with the risk of using Corruption and the possibility of dying.

Chuuya's not good with his words, but he cares. He cares so much. During one of the arcs where there were msny victims, after the Guild if I remember correctly, Chuuya said about too many of his men dying and the grief and guilt could be seen on his face. Because those people's lives were his responsibility in his view and their deaths became another hunting scene, another hunting you're not enough

Because he's not good like Oda or cynical like Mori or smart like Dazai or special like Kyouka

He's Chuuya. And he never feels like enough. He's never shown he's enough.

And he's smart. Terribly so, one of the little who can keep up with Dazai without many words if any and he's not given enough credit for how smart he is.

He's physically strong, but doesn't focus just on that, has actual martial skills and amazing elasticity.

Yet, he feels like everyone's second choice.

On another side, I doubt he would have joined ADA, though. Many will probably disagree with me and I wait for y'all to do so and reblog and do an analysis of why you think he would have, but I feel like this man doesn't find himself to be fitting into the role of protecting and helping people for a living, basically. Not in the classic way. He doesn't find himself fitting for the light.

Flowers born in the dark can bloom just in darkness.

[ianxgallavich]

Here's something I couldnt get out of my head, so I just wrote, and now you have to feel the pain of it too

tw: major character death

In My Dreams - Jegulus

-

I save him in my dreams. When things seem simpler, when they feel just a tiny bit easier.

Even by just a little. I can do anything that I want, be anything.

But all I want is to keep him safe.

I save him just before he hits the water. before anything can corrupt his breathing.

I grab onto his hands, arms, face,

but he's slipping, slipping away

So I dive in, and make sure every part of me and him is one, and that I may never let him go so easily again.

And I save him.

I save him so that I may save myself.

We surface, the air on my skin seems colder, monsters from below threaten to pull me under,

succumb to his fate, make it ours,

but I won't let them, can't actually.

I'm just stubborn that way.

James "savior complex" Potter you used to call me.

I'll do everything in my power to ring those words true.

But then I open my eyes, it was all but a dream.

I turn, see her lying at my side,

but I wish she were you.

I let myself revel in it before dooming myself to the guilt.

And I love her, I do.

But, Reg,

Regulus black broke me,

and his death killed me.

I cover my face with my hands, maybe I can try and fathom that the warmth from them are yours.

But it's never the same,

I couldn't save him, and it's pulled me apart, and left me there, open and raw, to sting.

Like alcohol on a wound, like the wind blowing and blowing till you're all dried out and cracked and all you can do is crumble till you're nothing.

Nothing is like Regulus Black.

As warm as his eyes, as bright as his rarest smile.

He was a treasure in a sinking boat, a prize in a doomed game

Gold in a safe, locked without a key

Regulus Black is the best thing that he could never have. 

Too good to be true, too dead to be loved.

And James Potter was too in love to understand that Regulus could never be loved by him,

he could never be loved by anyone.

Regulus and James both broken boys,

and soon enough, both dead ones too.

[somedayonbroadway]

Have you ever done oe thought about a Bandstand AU? Because I'm now obsessed.

Okay, so I was obsessed with Bandstand for a good six months after they performed at the Tonys. Kid you not, it was the only thing I listened to. For six months straight. And it still hasn’t gotten old.

Quick rant:

Corey Cott deserves a Tony.

Laura Osnes deserves a Tony.

The show deserved to at least be nominated for best musical, if not win the whole thing.

Dear Evan Hansen is great.

But it is nothing compared to Bandstand.

(Also, DEH won best orchestrations against Great Comet… like… what? Did the judges even see that show? DEH had like… a violin, a piano and a couple guitars. It hardly had orchestrations. Great Comet is a ****ing masterpiece of complex, insane music.)

End rant.

Anyways.

Bandstand AU

Characters

Jack Kelly — Donny Novitski (Piano)

Katherine Plumber — Julia Trojan (Singer)

David Jacobs — Wayne Wright (trombone)

Spot Conlon — Davy Zlatic (bass)

Racetrack Higgins — Jimmy Campbell (saxophone)

Crutchie Morris — Johny Simpson (drums)

Albert DaSilva — Nick Radel (trumpet)

Joseph Pulitzer — June Adams

Medda Larkin — Oliver

Bryan Denton — Jo

Specs — Michael “Rubber” Trojan

Okay, so…

Newly back home, Jack Kelly is having difficulty adjusting to life after the war. After losing his best friend from friendly fire, he’s guilt ridden. The minute Jack gets home, he’s bombarded with propaganda that everything would go back to the way it was before. He doesn’t believe that as he is now jobless, is struggling for money, is struggling hard with insomnia and PTSD.

As a composer, vocalist, accordion player and pianist, Jack begins to go to old clubs he used to perform at, only to find he’d been easily replaced. Finding an old friend, Medda, for whom he’d worked with before, he manages to secure gigs at weddings, getting slim money, just enough to eat and pay rent.

After a few weeks, he finds himself slowly losing it. He hears stories of soldiers’ funerals. Those guys came back fine a while ago.

They needed a way to make it stop.

Jack is on the verge of a breakdown. He can’t go a night without a drink. He can’t stop thinking about the war. About Specs.

He can’t get it out of his head.

He’s a genius and he knows it. He’s been musically inclined his whole life. He started playing when he was seven and he started composing when he was nine. And here he is, fifteen years later, still playing weddings. No one’s giving him a job. No one seems to care that he’s struggling or needs to play because if he can’t play, there’s nothing left for him.

But he hears about a contest on the radio. A contest for a swing band to compete in a contest as a tribute to the troops just back from the war.

In a moment of clarity, Jack decides that he’s going to put together a band made up of his fellow vets to shoot for fame and fortune, to show the vets that made it home that there’s hope for them.

So he takes a name that he remembers his best friend mentioned at one time, and he goes out to find a man about to play a gig at a club named Antonio Higgins who Specs had used to call Racer. Racer is a sax player, now studying to be a lawyer. While Race does try to send him away, he realizes that he might need this as much as Jack did and once he finds out that Specs is dead, he can’t say no. He’s doing this for Specs.

Race leads him to find more musicians who served. Spot, David, Crutchie and Albert.

Race doesn’t trust anyone.

Spot is an alcoholic, cracking jokes to get through the day as best he can.

David is OCD. He has clear schedules and plans out every minute of his day.

Albert is a control freak. He’s constantly irritated and just wants everything to be done the right way and for things to work out.

Crutchie lost a leg in the war as well as receiving brain damage in an accident that sent his vehicle flipping three times while he was in the war

Not all of them get along at first. But, for the sack of all of the vets that are losing hope in a post war world where there’s no place for them, they keep it together.

They get through their first gig together. All is well for about two minutes as Race tells Jack he’s glad he decided to play with him and Spot jokes around with Crutchie after Crutchie tells the guys about his meds and how they slow him down, asking him how much slower he can get without being put in reverse. Crutchie is very slow and goofy most of the time, unable to truly remember the events that occurred overseas, but he is a monster on drums. He doesn’t mind the jokes, in fact, he takes a liking to Spot.

It’s after this that Jack tells Albert he needs to come down off the ceiling while playing his solo, claiming that it’s selfish and out of line. Albert argues with him, sparking a bit of tension between the rest of the group. Albert then announced he has a chance to play with Dwight Anson Orchestra. Davey explains that Jack needs to work around his schedule. Albert says that they need to get paid.

Jack shoots back that the gigs they get are where and when they are going to play and he promises to try and give more of an advance in the future.

Once the others leave, Spot with Crutchie, trying to joke with him as he’s taken a liking to the youngest kid of the group, Race approaches Jack and tries to gently explain to him that he needs to learn how to talk to people if he’s gonna be a band leader. This sparks a small argument, almost leading to Race giving up and leaving, only resulting in Jack admitting that he has to do this for Specs.

He explains that Specs’s death was friendly fire and that he’d promised Specs should anything happen to him, he’d check in on his wife. Race advises Jack not to tell Specs’s wife how he died and tells him not to go to trial unless he was prepared to lose. Then he leaves, promising to see Jack for their next gig on Sunday.

So Jack goes to talk to Specs’s wife.

Katherine Plumber.

He knocks on the door before chickening out and turning to leave.

But he’s not quite fast enough.

Katherine laughs at him, accusing him of being too old for ding dong ditch. Jack laughs and shyly walks back, introducing himself as Spencer’s friend. Katherine’s smile fades and she asks him more questions, resulting in Jack telling her he has some pictures that might be of interest to her. Katherine invites him over for dinner.

Explaining to her father the situation, Joseph Pulitzer (yes, he’s very nice in this one. Deal with it.) he agrees to the dinner, telling Katherine that they won’t be great hosts. He tells Katherine to be careful and not to pry, that if Jack wants to tell her more information about Specs, he would.

So Katherine tries to respect the boundaries.

Katherine explains to her father that she feels selfish because sometimes she wishes she could be the same person she was before and that she doesn’t want to be defined as a Gold Star Wife. She used to have a life and she used to be somebody.

She pulls herself together when the knock on the door comes.

Joe welcomes Jack inside and Jack thanks him for his kindness while Katherine jokes that he works hard at being nice and explains that her mother is away visiting her grandparents.

While getting to know each other a little, Jack learns that Katherine can sing but she only sings a church and jokes that if he wanted to hear her sing, he’d have to go to a service. Katherine learns that Jack lost his parents when he was very young and has fended for himself ever since.

Eventually, they get around to looking at the pictures Jack brought. He tries to make the memories light.

But Katherine can’t help but ask if Jack was there when he’d died.

Jack tells her yes.

And Katherine can’t take it. So she excuses herself before dinner has even begun, leaving Jack and Joe to have dinner alone.

That Sunday, Jack finds himself at church, watching Katherine sing beautifully in front of an entire gathering of people.

He catches her afterwards, asking why she didn’t tell him that she got to perform the big finale. He then asks her if she’d like to see him and his band play that night, eventually convincing her that it might be fun.

Joe encourages her to go, telling her that she hasn’t been out since her husband had died. So she goes.

After watching their set, Katherine is surprised to be invited up onstage to sing a standard. She’s incredibly nervous, forgetting the bridge of the song but finishing strong with some encouragement from Jack. She meets the boys. She takes a liking to all of them, telling Davey that his family should be proud, joking along with Spot, immediately wanting to protect Crutchie, much like Spot does.

Jack tells them that he wants to win for the guys who got nothing.

Katherine asks him if he means Specs. And he tries to take it back but she runs off, upset. And Racer tells the guys that she has every right to be a part of this band as she lost her husband in the war. The guys tell Jack that he should try to get Katherine to sing with them.

So he goes to her work the next day. She tries to send him away, claiming she doesn’t need to be saved. Jack counters. “What if I do?” And then he sings her First Steps First before inviting her to rehearsal that night walking away. Katherine tells him on his way out that she’ll be there, on the condition that Jack tells her more about Specs.

At rehearsal, things are a little tense. Katherine quickly finds that Race tries his best to stay out of confrontation, David is constantly questioning Jack’s harmonies and chord progressions, Spot is always drunk, Crutchie is often confused, and Albert is hard to rely on. Katherine loosens up the tension as much as she can, learning the music and getting to know all the boys. She loves talking to Crutchie. She constantly takes Spot’s drinks from his hands and offers him coffee and water. She tries to get Race to open up and Davey to loosen up, while also somehow getting on Albert’s good side.

She finds that once they’re all playing together, things seem a little easier, like they all get along and work well together.

They play at a club in town called Medda’s, playing a song Jack hopes to be a winning song called “You Deserve It”. It’s snappy and catchy and all the boys really enjoy it. After this, Medda asks the band to play the next night and Jack and Kath celebrate with drinks.

Jack then asks Katherine if she’d be willing to take on a stage name, Kathy Pulitzer, saying it had a better ring to it than Katherine Plumber. Katherine doesn’t like this and leaves, unable to handle the idea of losing another part of Specs.

Jack follows her, apologizing after Katherine breaks, crying about how she’ll never see her husband’s body or get to say goodbye.

Jack promises to give her answers if she comes back to the band. So they go tell the guys they have another gig.

The next night, after escorting a very drunk Spot home, Jack expresses his worries that Spot will be wasted on the night of the competition to which Albert replies he has bigger problems and reveals he’d been rehearsing with Dwight Anson and thinks they might have a better song. He leaves, telling Jack he’d be playing with the band that had the better song.

Jack walks Katherine home, angry and scared and exhausted knowing he can’t sleep. He tells Katherine that if it were Specs, he’d be saying how they’d be winning this thing, on their way to New York in some Pullman cars, living the dream.

Katherine shows Jack a poem she’d written that makes Jack feel better. After promising — mostly — not to tease, Jack asks Katherine if he can look through more of her poems. Reluctantly, Katherine agrees.

The next day, Jack returns Katherine’s book with a new song, word for word lyrics to one of Katherine’s poems. He explains that this is the song they need to win. Katherine is hesitant but agrees to sing it.

Going to the contest, the band wins easily, hitting the judges hard with a song with a true story and one that many were too scared to tell.

Ecstatic, the band has a moment of victory before reality sets in.

They’re told that no one is paying for them to get to New York. They’re responsible for travel and getting there doesn’t guarantee them a spot on the broadcast. Jack and Race try to argue, telling them that they have to help them get there because everyone just heard them win, to which one of the producers replies that hardly anyone was listening.

And if no one saw it, it never happened.

(That moment gets me every ****ing time. The lights go out and a spotlight hits every single one of the boys. It hurts so bad.)

Their arguments get nowhere. And they’re left with this crippling news.

Jack falls to the ground in mental and emotional agony. The guys are arguing and getting worked up but Katherine is holding onto Jack, trying to make sure he’s alright.

Jack finally stands and tells them that they’re going to that contest. They have to make it there anyway they can and they’ll take every gig they can get because they have a right to respect.

And all the guys agree.

They’re done fighting for their country. It’s time to fight for themselves.

They take every gig offered to them, writing new songs and winning the hearts of their hometown (Cleveland). They even write a song about their hometown. Everyone adores it.

Jack and Katherine are closer than ever, Jack telling Katherine all the stories about Specs he can remember. He tells her one of his favorite memories of Specs which was when they were playing with some other cats in the army. Specs was playing the drums so fast, telling everyone to go faster and faster until finally he looked at Jack and just told him to sing. And Jack did. It was less of a song than a battle call.

When they write their new song, they begin to perform it everywhere they can as their town loves the song that’s all about them. While they do this, a certain club owner overheard the band talking about making enough money to get to New York. And Miss Medda hatches a scheme.

She asks the band to play more often for more pay and gets the rest of the town in on the game. Jack doesn’t realize what she’s doing.

Davey admits to Albert that his wife kicked him out. Albert offers up his home, igniting the first selfless act any of the others had ever seen from him.

Katherine tried to get Spot to give up the bottle. He refuses.

Spot starts massaging Crutchie’s back every now and then to help him relax and make him feel better after his injury.

In the midst of all of this, Katherine explains to Jack that she has to quit her job in order to make sure she could be at the contest. She says she’d be taking all the overtime and lipsticks as she could before then. She tells Jack how she lied about her mother being away to visit family and how she walked out on her and her father years ago.

And she says she wants to know what happens to Specs.

Unable to keep dodging the question, Jack breaks. He loses it, telling her that she couldn't understand. He’s crying as he recounts every detail in his brain, telling her how it happened, how it was his fault that his best friend was dead.

And Katherine runs away from him, horrified at what she’d just heard.

She doesn’t show up to the gig the next night.

Jack confides in Race who tells him that he’s letting this girl slip away from him. Jack tries to joke about Race not chasing after any pretty girls even though he has plenty of girls lining up to get a kiss from him after shows. Race says that he thought a smart guy like Jack would’ve had him figured out already.

Race lost his partner in the war.

Suddenly, things make a lot more sense.

Katherine stays home with her father, sobbing, explaining that it was Jack’s fault her husband was dead. But Pulitzer tells her that there aren’t reasons for what happens. Everything just happens. He tells her the only thing that matters is what she does next.

Katherine writes a poem and shows it to Jack the next day, apologizing even though Jack says she has nothing to apologize for. She says the same thing goes to him. She explains that she doesn’t know and cannot understand what happened in the frontlines. And this poem was for Jack and the boys.

Jack sets it to music knowing this song is too real and genuine to be played for an audience. So they change the lyrics.

This is the song Katherine would have sung if Specs had come home.

After performing this song for the first at Medda’s, Jack stands up to tell the audience that they won’t make it to New York, getting emotional and telling them that he was no hero and that the wrong guy made it home from the war. Medda stops him and explains to him he doesn’t need NBC when he has Cleveland. She hands him seven tickets to the Cleveland Limited. Pullman Cars. First class.

Jack literally breaks into tears and hugs Medda as tightly as he possibly can.

The band’s going to New York.

Jack gears up the guys for a successful contest while being awestruck and exploring New York City. Jack walks Katherine back to her room after a night exploring. They stop themselves from going into her room together after they both admit there’s more than just friendship between them.

They part ways that night, promising to see each other in the morning.

The next day, they go through preliminaries and are told they’ll be on the broadcast. Jack and Katherine sign the contract and the whole band celebrates until the next night when no one can seem to find Racer.

When Race arrives, two minutes before they’re on, he explains that Jack and Katherine signed away the rights to their own song and would be no more than walk ons if they won.

This just about breaks Jack.

Spot suggests leaving. The rest of the guys agree.

But Jack asks Katherine if she remembers all the original lyrics to Welcome Home, the poem she’d written for her boys.

She says yes.

And they know what they have to do for the soldiers out there to know they’re not alone.

They get on stage and they blow it up.

Crutchie starts the drums. Jack tells him to go faster. Faster. Faster.

Then he looks at Katherine. And he tells her to sing.

Charlie made it home.

Most of him at least .

Had three operations,

But the pain has not decreased .

Al learned to survive.

Means you never trust .

Once you see the worst in man,

Then how do you adjust?

Sean, he cracks a joke.

Claims to be alright .

Drinks a fifth of vodka

In his kitchen every night

And I stand here trying

Like mother Mary

With my private burden

Of grief to carry  

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love  

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home  

David’s never free.

Schedules out his day.

Filling every minute

Just to keep the ghosts away .

He could never get

Back the life he had .

Faced with raising kids

Who did not recognize their dad .

Tony made it back to town

Four months ago

Lives to tell the things

No one could bear to know

Keeps his guard up now

A lot goes undiscussed

Focuses on fighting

What he finds unjust  

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love  

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home  

Jack, he does his best,

Trying to pretend

What he doesn't talk about

Won't matter in the end

Jack, he made it home

But thinks it wasn't fair

How he made it out

But left his buddy there

Jack, he doesn't sleep

Because the nightmares come

Jack looks for an answer,

Jack, he looks for absolution,

And I'd give up anything

If I could give him some

And I stand here helpless

My arms extended

Knowing full well, darling,

Your war's not ended

Welcome home

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home my boys

Welcome home my sons

Welcome home my husband

Welcome home my love

Welcome home

Welcome home

Welcome home

It’s the most honest performance these men have ever given.

Months later, Jack and the band walk out of a movie theatre, joking about how good Dwight Anson Orchestra looked while Sinatra sang their song.

And some girls run up to them, asking for an autograph.

Jack gives them one, telling them to bring their father who served backstage at their next concert.

And then they leave.

They have a gig to get to.

What do you guys think? Wanna see any specific scenes?

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

I know she-ra ended couple weeks ago but I'm excited to hear your thoughts about it. Did you enjoy the final series? :D

yes i did!

for me, the final season was a wonderful, really fun to watch culmination of everything the previous seasons had set up and promised to fulfill.

it followed up fantastically with all of the main characters. i love how catra in particular and her dynamics with everyone were developed in the last season, as well as her romance with adora. glimmer’s angle of development, friendship with catra, and reconciliation with bow was so great to see. and netossa was also such a lovely side character to have featured for this final season!

maybe the one thing i was underwhelmed by was horde prime, whose role and tropes could probably have been executed more impressively. nevertheless i found his mind-control methods pretty interesting in concept! (if they had directly tied into the show’s themes more, though, i would have been very happy. the occasional mentions of it erasing people’s pains and guilt in a show about complex interpersonal missteps were just too rare.)

one of the episodes i enjoyed the most was actually ‘perils of peekablue‘ (#7), because that episode knew exactly what genres it was going for and pulled for all the appropriate tropes. as soon as i saw perfuma’s outfit, i was yelling.

adora’s new transformation and sequence, too. absolutely beautiful. very, very gay.

shadow weaver over the entire season was probably one of my favorite developments to watch as well, particularly her interactions with the other characters. especially catra. shadow weaver was one of my most favorite characters in the show tbh, and the final season really pulled through in exploring what i enjoyed about her and the consequences of her actions.

and of course, how can i not talk about the climax?

i LOVE how catra and adora’s relationship really turned its focus on the latter—how catra questioned adora’s self-sacrificial heroism, how it can just as easily be harmful and an escape for the hero from what’s frightening them. i love the scene where catra leaves, and how she explains that she can’t watch adora keep putting herself in harm’s way. even more, i adore the subtle difference shown between how adora and catra understand love. to adora, trying to save everyone and be a hero so that their futures are preserved is exactly how she is loving them. to catra, though, these actions look like rejection—because how can there be any love if adora ignores herself and catra’s objections, if she isn’t still there at the end to accept love?

most of all, i am a big fan of how she-ra essentially culminated with the message that queer love can and does save the universe. catra and adora’s confessions (and kiss) were the transition point of the climax that ended horde prime’s tyranny and restored etheria. frankly, that is the best victory for queerness in children’s cartoons i could’ve seen right now.

and as an ardent lover of found family dynamics, i am very appreciative of how the best friend squad was never left behind despite catradora and glimbow becoming romantic canon. the happy future adora imagined? had the four of them living together with glimmer chasing catra into the room with a brush. the final scene of the show? the four of them hugging on the side of a hill and talking about helping the rest of the universe together.

i’m sure there’s a lot of noise on what she-ra did wrong, but for me... i fucking loved this show and its last season. it was enjoyable and very lovely to watch! queer media deserves to be fun.

[whumpookies]

Merlin one shot, bit of humour can be found here

"No boat huh?"  Matthew muttered, scratching his head in slight confusion 

It was one thousand years later, and what would have been water was now fields, yet the Isle of the Blessed still sat on a hill in all its glory- the same hill that Talia and Matt stood facing. 

"No boat. That’s global warming for you," Talia shrugged easily as she placed down her longbow, making Matthew roll his eyes 

"So, what are we doing here?" Matthew asked as he sat on the hill looking down to the isle.

"Remember the last time we were here?" She asked, joining him sitting on the hill, their knees touching as they leaned back.

"Screaming vale, Doracha, cranky old woman, scarification of a soul to close the vail, Lancelot being an idiot, you warning the old hag..sure hard to forget, really. Why?" Matthew grinned cheekily. 

"Well, time for..revenge," she smirked. 

Matthew blinked..and blinked. "We're what?"

"Going to get revenge, well we ain't but..you’ll see," she half shrugged, laying back into the grass enjoying the rays from the warm sun.

"How? Or should I say why?" Matthew asked, looking over to her.

"Because I promised Lancelot I wouldn't get revenge...back then...didn't say anything about helping get revenge." Her eyes closed, unable to see the disbelieving look Matthew gave her. "You know he's gonna have kittens knowing what we're doing." She shrugged again, standing brushing the grass off her shoulders, Matthew following her actions. 

"That's why we'll tell him after we deal with the old crone," she grinned before grabbing Matthew's collar, dragging him down the hill towards the island.

"Just how are we doing this?" Matthew muttered climbing down the embankment.

"With a dragon." She answered, following him down the silence followed as Matthew stared at his best friend in shock. "A...dragon?"

"Yes, Merlin let me...borrow Kilgharrah"

"Borrow?" His eyebrows rose skywards, scepticism gracing his features. 

"Okay, not borrow...more like the dragon has it in for the hag, so we made a deal." Talia rolled her eyes before continuing along the field as Matthew huffed, "I don't want to know do I?"

"Nope." She answered, snickering. They carried on towards the Isle of the Blessed with a sense of mischief in their hearts.

"Just how did you get our swords and the longbow past the airport checkpoint?"

"You're really asking that now, Matt?"

"I'm curious, it’s not like you can say 'Hey officer, don't worry, just going to get revenge on Cailleach the old hag, then call a dragon, watch him eat her. Just ignore the swords, oh please don't check the blade, it's sharp. Oh look there goes your finger, don't matter if you hurry, it can be sewn on again!" Matthew counted off on his fingers, sarcasm dripping off his words.

"You finished?" She asked, rolling her eyes, once again asking herself why to the heavens. Surely deities were listening.

"Oh no, I've just started!" she sighed before clambering up the steps of the dry dock. "I actually said we're part of a cosplay team…"

"You what?!" 

"Now I bet you wished you never asked!" She cackled, walking down the dock, leaving a groaning Matthew. 

"You have no idea," he sighed.

It was as if time had stopped. The walls were damp, cobwebs spread in abundance, corridors dark until they spotted the light at the end of the tunnel leading to the altar. "How are we getting the old crone to come here? Not like we're sacrificing anyone...why are you looking at me like that?" Talia grinned at a very worried looking Matthew. "Don't worry, no scarification needed. Luckily Merlin knows a few tricks nowadays."

"Yeah, well he could at least get a haircut and a shave!"

"I think he's got the wizard look right down" she glanced over at him. 

"I still think Tolkien met him."

"What, to get the whole Gandalf look down?" She asked slightly confused

"Hell yes! Come on, both Merlin and Tolkien's characters have the beard and long hair… plus look what happened when you asked him to dress up at Samhain!" Matthew grinned, shaking his head. 

"Yeah..that was interesting," she agreed, her forehead creasing slightly.

"Tal, he declared Gandalf as a half-baked wannabe with a guilt complex the size of Albion."

"Point taken," she chuckled, shaking her head.

"Then Lancelot laughed that much he nearly passed out."

"Wait till this year at Halloween you'll love it…"

"If you say Merlin and Lancelot as themselves, I'm so going to be there to watch," Matthew said. 

"Nah, I gave up on that, thinking Harry Potter and Dumbledore." 

The laughter echoed down the empty passageway as they broke into the altar area; it was still large and lush with green grass swaying with the wind.

"You know Talia if this place wasn't linked to the old religion it would be perfect"

"I've nothing against the old religion, just the old hag with a god complex."

"Well let's do this, it's gonna be a long drive back."

Walking around the altar, Talia's hand running along the cool stone as Matthew stood leaning against the wall watching her. 

"How are we doing this?" He asked. 

"Easily, Cailleach is listening to the old hag and is too nosy not to! You ain't getting a sacrifice to some old hag. So come on let's have this out!" She yelled the last part, her voice echoing around the walls as she jumped up on the altar, sitting on the edge. 

"Are we really pissing her off?" Matthew asked.

"I don't get pissed off," the voice croaked behind him. 

"Bloody hell, you old cron don't do that!" Screeched Matthew in a high pitch voice that would make an opera singer jealous as Talia doubled over laughing. Cailleach stood behind the young man all in her dark glory. 

"What do you want, guardian?" She said.

"Oh come on, Cailleach. No hello? It's been, what, one thousand five hundred years, give or take a year...or ten," Talia shrugged, grinning ear to ear as she crossed her legs on the altar."The last I saw of you guardian...you threatened me, and I don't take well to threats," Cailleach accused, her eyes squinting at her.

"I don't take well to you trying to kill Arthur, Merlin or Lancelot," Talia shrugged easily, surprised  by her anger

"It is not killing.."

"Really? A sacrifice to close the veil isn't killing?. Don’t you have enough souls in the underworld?"

"Not yet," she grinned, looking to Matthew 

"Dream on hag, we're taken," Matthew muttered, walking over to Talia by the alter, sword in hand. 

"So it seems that you are, child." Cailleach mourned at the loss of another soul joining her.

"See, I promised someone I wouldn't get revenge on someone else." Talia brought the conversation back on track. "Lancelot." 

"Yes Cailleach, Lancelot, but I spent the day with a very large green-scaled dragon and it seems he still holds a grudge," she smirked, evilly sitting forward. 

"Oh look, Talia, I think it just dawned on her?!" Matthew laughed as Cailleach searched the skies above her as the wind picked up.

"So it seems Matt. Heads up hag, we've got a visitor!" Jumping down, Talia grabbed Matthew, dragging her friend towards the wall as wings came into view. 

"Done my part. Good luck Cailleach," Talia yelled over Kilgharrah's arrival.

"Amazing how hard it is to get a dragon to meet the gatekeeper," Talia muttered as she pulled Matthew into the gatehouse. 

"We are not gonna watch?" Matthew asked.

"Have you ever seen a gatekeeper and dragon go at it?"

"Well...no."

"Me neither, but Kilgharrah said to stay out of the…" A crash and crackle of magic hitting something stopped them.

Both looked to the door. 

"I think I get why now." Said Matthew worriedly looking over at her before a crash followed as rocks flew past the doorway. 

"Oh, that's one pissed off dragon." 

Talia nodded, sitting on an abandoned table. "Wouldn't you be? That old hag nearly killed Merlin, tried to stop the path of Arthur."

"Let's not forget the whole vail crap." 

Sparks struck the door frame as Matthew jumped back. "Oh, the whole Veil needs a blood sacrifice and all that crap. She has real issues with wanting blood." 

Fire bombarded the area passing the door; the heat could be felt with ease. 

"Damn, should have bought marshmallows," Said Matthew bemoaning the loss of a good crispy marshmallow.

"Next time."

"I'm bringing the sausages as well then!" She shook her head as Matthew watched the show as close to the door as possible.

"Well, the old hag needs a peg knocking out of her." 

"Duck!" Matt yelled, boards, bursting, showering bits of wood in all directions.

Talia ran to the door shouting around it. "Kilgharrah get a move on you overgrown lizard! That almost killed us!" 

Matt stood brushing debris off his coat moving away. 

"Bit close," he sighed. 

"Just a bit." 

With the table upturned, they sat behind it, flashes of lightning and flames, crashes and bashes, debris flew past the door frame or closer allowing them to duck, roars covered ears and magic was yelled as it all continued...

"How long?" Talia groaned heavily.

"Three hours and five minutes, in other words, five minutes from the last time you asked." 

"Damn"

"Tal, tell them to quit," Matt moaned whilst cleaning his nails with his sword.

"And get my head blown off?"

"Come on, it's getting late, Merlin can only keep him busy so long!"

"Your point?"

"I'm bored, hungry and they’re being.." he pointed to the door as a lightning bolt struck close by, "...idiots, and they’re going to get us killed!"

Sighing heavily Talia stood, brushing herself off and stormed to the door. "If I die, I'm haunting you!" She muttered before diving out the door quickly as a whip.

Matthew listened intently to the point of straining his ears above the yells of casting, roars and the odd flame until…."THAT WAS MY CLAW!" A deep booming voice Kilgharrah echoed.

"Well if you weren't such an arse, I wouldn't have to stab it, you stubborn bloody dragon! And don't you start either you old hag!"

Matthew snickered, leaning against the wall, shaking his head as laughter rippled through him, whilst trying to listen as Talia continued to rant.

"...yes, I know! Get over yourself, Cailleach or I'll run you through old woman…."

Matthew shook his head, wiping the tears away "...oh trust me, I go to that underworld and I'll haunt you so much that you'll be begging to kick me out.."

He had to agree, she probably would. Talia could be annoying as hell, that was for sure.

"..Yea you're pissed at each other, I get that but come on! When Arthur gets released from Avalon you both need him, so give it a bloody rest! Don't start, you overgrown chicken...and don't you start you wrinkled old pug!"

The second bout of hysterical laughter struck the young man bracing himself against the wall, only Talia would insult a dragon and the gatekeeper of the underworld.

"...Right, that's it!!! I'm calling a truce till next Samhain. You, Kilgharrah, home till Merlin wants you, and Cailleach back till the underworld…no, not Halloween, that my bloody time you get Samhain the eve of Halloween!"

Attempting to catch his breath, Matthew began gathering his and Talia's things.

"Yes, I promise I'll call upon you next bloody Samhain...just...behave till then!"

Matthew cleared the doorway as Kilgharrah flew off, no sign of Cailleach could be seen.

"Finished venting?"

"They are like bloody kids I tell you! I ain't cleaning this mess!" She vented, walking over to her friend gathering her stuff from him. 

"meh, we’ll just call Merlin on the way back; he can clean it up," Matthew reassured as the two made their way back out of the old palace.

"Next year we'll bring Lancelot and Merlin. It'll be fun," Talie said. 

"Only if we bring camp stuff and food," he replied. 

"Deal"

"Cool. Hey, can we stop by McDonald's on the way back? I'm starving," Matthew asked as Talia rolled her eyes. 

"Sure, Merlin wants a happy meal anyway"

[serenagaywaterford]

'#i am so upset at tht about this lol #(mostly cos yeah reality is that. but i'm watchign fiction dudes. gimme some character journeys. gimme development. gimme hope. #this flatline they have serena on just isn't good storytelling. straight up.)' -- i agree. & the idea i hate the most is that moss & the tht crew might have had a boner over whitford joining them & decided to give him what could have been serena's arc. the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can't. GOT IT

“the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can’t. GOT IT”

this is probably what drives me the most mad about the choices they made for characters in s3. lawrence literally–unequivocally and by his own admission as well as multiple other characters–created THE FUCKING COLONIES: prison labour camps where ONLY women go to suffer excruciating pain and rot from disease and DIE. he also, unarguably and explicitly, created THE ENTIRE ECONOMIC SYSTEM on which gilead relies on for its propagation and survival.

without HIM, gilead would NOT exist. and this isn’t a little thing. it’s like, it literally would have fallen apart without his massive contribution. (sure, maybe they would have found another genius economist with a penchant for brutal misogyny but as it stands, they didn’t have one. and HE STILL helps gilead survive.)

but uwu, he makes jokes and doesn’t do the ceremony and loves his wife so WHAT A GREAT GUY! LET’S GIVE HIM A RELUCTANT REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

i fucking loathe him. and he was shown multiple times even in s3 what he thinks of ALL women, and that isn’t fucking much. he’s gross. “i love my wife” YEAH sure buddy. fuck you. if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have created an entire system where she gets fucked right over to the point she kills herself. cool beans, dude.

s3 was all about lawrence and june being reluctant allies and her working her dumbass moves on him, and that bullshit handholding at the funeral FOR THE WIFE THAT JUNE BASICALLY KILLED??? please just let me vomit in my mouth a bit.

he is not a good guy. he is not a nice guy. he does not like women. he does not care about them. he’s a pathetic little misogynist that she looks out for himself. but omg look how conflicted he is about the ceremony!!! UWU PRECIOUS BEAN, TOO PURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE WORLD!!

it’s like fandom/the showrunners are just salivating over male characters to woobiefy.

meanwhile MEANWHILE there’s a female character, the second most developed character on the entire show with the second most amount of screentime (prior to mid s3 anyway) and already a foil to june and “villain”esque character theoretically capable of change, but hey, no. let’s ignore the entire trajectory serena was on for the latter half of s2. let’s even ignore early s3 and all that set up. let’s just FUCKING FLATLINE her and make her 100% obsessed with a baby. it’s not like that storyline was already wrapped up in s2 and she’d moved on by early s3.

all so june could have some ~exciting plot of winning over lawrence and oooooh look it’s bradley whitford. what a great guy. he’s so funnieeeee and nice. 

it really does feel like they aborted serena’s arc for the sake of inserting whitford into what should have been serena’s journey of gradually coming to terms with her involvement in gilead, her own overwhelming guilt about her involvement (which i would like to point out is LESS than lawrence’s contributions. just so we’re all on the same page). and i know miller has said he “doesn’t believe in redemption arcs” (bullshit. that’s pure bullshit. they exist whether you believe in them or not, for one thing.) but lawrence’s character has been doing EXACTLY that. and all the fandom is frothing about how amazing he is blah blah blah. fucking miss me with that. i will NEVER root for a man who has done that to women and is a KEY player in gilead. he didn’t just help invent it, he CURRENTLY still sustains it. he seemed to have little concern for ANYBODY even at the beginning of s3. yet still he’s a hero. (at least the character is like “oooh i’m not a hero” which kinda sounded totally insincere to me. the same way people throw pity parties for themselves.)

but god forbid a problematic female character portrayed by a fantastic (but lesser known) actress gets the same generosity. and what’s even crazier is that the audience was generally in favor and excited about serena joining june in the resistance prior to s3, and even in the beginning episodes of s3. based on social media anyway.

but no……….

i just….

it infuriates me how they chose to give what could have been a decent character arc for serena to lawrence instead (and to take that from yvonne and hand it over to whitford cos he’s just so great. rolling my eyes so hard.). and everyone is just like “yasss king! we love you!! what great guy for saving those kids!!! yay redemption for lawrence! i love brad whitford so amazing give him an emmy!!!” 

i get they need to keep serena around and in some sort of conflict for june. 

actually no. i don’t get it. i don’t think it’s necessary at this point to have a female adversary of that degree for june. i think she could easily be a complicated/conflicted ally, or at least not a direct enemy of june’s. the SYSTEM is evil enough and produces enough conflict on its own. june no longer needs the personification of it and neither do we. just… ugh. stagnating the MOST complex character on the show (fight me. serena as a character was more complex and dynamic than june.) for the sake of throwing her in some stupid sideplot that had nothing to do with the protagonist, and made her entire story arc stall into a dead stop was a dumbass fucking move. the whole fred thing dragged her the fuck down cos there was zero acknowledgement or exploration of the actual dynamic of the domestic abuse cycle which was PLAINLY visible in early s3. instead it was just NICHOLEEEEEE!!!!! GIVE ME BABBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HAVE BABBY!!!!!!!!!! every single character motivation serena had in s3 was a fucking sexist trope about women and baby fever. (not that they wrote june much better but this rant is about the shit they pulled with serena.)

there is no depth to any conflict anymore. and what drives me even crazier is that the few scenes with june and serena are still 100 times more interesting because of the pre-existing chemistry and dynamic they still have. but instead we’ve just got the same fucking scene of june/lawrence over and over for 8 episodes. “ooh is he a friend or foe? oh i will manipulate him! he is an ally! oh maybe he’s a foe, or friend, or foe, or friend?! who cares!! look how he lubs childrens! uwu!!”

they seem absolutely intent on keeping serena a villain, to the point of total irrationality. and the only way to do that is strip her character of any nuance and give her a singular and stupid motivation and pair that with a really boring and flat subplot. cos, organically, the character WOULD develop and learn and change, but since they’re fucking obsessed with not giving her anything even resembling “redemption” for some bullshit reason, they’ve thrown her entire narrative arc under the bus and just left her there.

and people wonder why i have no interest in s4. it’s cos of this shit. why the fuck would i be interested in watching yet another season of serena doing fuck all? (ooh a trial? BORING and guaranteed to make no rational sense. back to gilead? what for?! they’re never going to let her change/grow anyway!)… and june being painted as some saint and saviour, despite being not that much better anymore. and Lawrence being lauded as a goddamn hero for doing the very fucking bare minimum for no real discernible reason we’ve seen other than june’s oh so amazing ~wiles. like please.

i can’t stand june anymore. i fucking loathe lawrence (to me, he’s just nick 2.0). i don’t care about fred. moira and emily who? and am butthurt about what they’ve done to serena’s character journey (and can’t see that changing if miller, moss, & co. are so itnent on keeping her “evil”). so s4 doesn’t seem that fun to me.

and the fact everyone seems to have a hard on for whitford, including cast and crew just makes me angry. sure, give this dude all the good shit. take it away from the amazing female actors and just give it to him. why not? THT is male-run anyway and IT SHOWS. he should have been a minor character, not the focus next to june. (don’t even get me started on how fiennes gets second billing in the credits before yvonne cos i am so livid every single time i see taht.)

whatever, THT. whatever. bye. ugh.

wow anyway that was a rant i didn’t expect to make. thanks anon for drawing that out. i think i’ve been sitting on it a while lol.

i have a lot of rage.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Jason He's made out to be the new, better Percy . He is also a massive Gary Stu in my opinion. Leo He's really rude to Frank. I know they got over it but still also he acted like it was all Percy's fault Calypso was on the island even though Percy tried to help. Piper She had so much potential but whenever anyone talks about her being Aphrodite's best daughter or whatever I'm like 'Do you remember SELINA??!!) also she has a huge I'm not like other Girls complex and is kinda obsessed with Jason.

We have REALLY different views on them so I’m gonna see how well I can articulate My Analysis Of My Children okay let’s go:

Jason…I think the point was that he’s perceived as a ‘Gary Stu’, ‘better Percy’ type guy when that’s actually not the reality of who he is? Like, his whole life everyone’s always been “Your father is the king of the gods! You should lead us!” and so he’s had to get used to this role, he’s had to create this character to make people feel like they’re in good hands…but he hates it. He hates being the leader and being in power, but up until the 7 meet up that’s the only thing he really knows. He never really had a chance to discover himself outside of this role shoved onto him. At first, he doesn’t really know who he is other than ‘Jupiter’s Son’.

He can’t help that everyone has high expectations for him, and he’s a people pleaser so he’s going to do his damndest to meet those expectations, but like? We saw how stressed out he was leading the quest in HoH. He was barely sleeping and practically pulling his hair out, pushing himself to fix everything and make sure everyone was okay while ignoring his own problems. That’s what Jason must’ve been like when he was leading the legion- everyone remembers him as a strong and regal leader, because that’s the expectation, that’s what they want him to be, and he came damn well put on a good performance when he needs to, but 24/7 while he’s living in closed quarters with people? Yeah, no. He wanted Percy and Annabeth back so he could stop having pretending he knew what he was doing (and because he was worried about them obviously). 

The thing is, once you strip away “Son of Jupiter”…Jason doesn’t really meet any of the expectations placed on him. Over the course of the series he starts worrying about that less and less, he loosens up and actually starts to find out who he is other than what people want…He doesn’t match up to the image:

He’s not actually the strongest demigod out there- he’s a very well trained fighter, sure, but like…We’ve seen Thalia shoot out massive amounts of lightning like it’s no one’s business without breaking a sweat. Jason has to actually ask for a helpful bolt and the effort almost knocks him out. His talents lie with the winds, which…I don’t think ‘wind’ comes to anyone’s minds immediately when talking about Jupiter. And it’s also not a power that, at face value, seems super helpful. But Jason manages to cultivate it and makes it powerful enough to stall Gaea. 

He’s not strong and regal, he’s excitable and dorky. He gets so sucked in to reading some book he found interesting that he walks into a tree. He bounces and hugs people when he gets happy. He can’t keep his glasses on straight and looses them on top of his head. He loves talking about history. He got so distracted by how pretty his girlfriend is that he forgot what he was talking about. He got shish kabob-ed and his immediate reaction was “I finally managed to stay conscious for an entire fight”. He was trying to talk a goddess out of killing his friend and the first thing to come to mind is “I’ll get Olympus to make an action figure of you!”. This kid is a LOSER.

He’s not a stoic ruler, he worries about every single person under his command. Individually. He doesn’t lead troops like, well, troops- he leads them like teammates. He’s greatly affected when the people working with him are upset, and he’s very perceptive about their feelings. His constantly checking in on Nico after the Cupid scene, his understanding of Piper’s issues in TLH, his belief in Frank, his worrying about Percy and Annabeth…this boy knew Leo was upset simply by looking at his DRINK ORDER, and then even though Leo offered up no real information, it took him like under five minutes of just observing him to know Leo was heartbroken. 

There’s so many other points but like…Jason’s story was about a boy born with crazy expectations shedding those and growing into his own person while still maintaining the sense of duty he had to the people he cared about. He had an entire identity crisis for this very reason. Camp Jupiter was his home, but Camp Half Blood is where he found himself. He loved both places and by the end of the story he came out with a strong and comfortable sense of self. He came out of it with a new path and set of expectations that he decided for himself. He went through trials and dealt with his emotions and found peace with himself and his role in the world. I think it was a very compelling plotline and not ‘gary stu’ like at all. 

Leo…We really have to take into account that Leo’s always assumed the role of ‘the jokester’. Despite the fact he’s a genius, Leo doesn’t actually see himself as talented and the environment he grew up in absolutely shapes that. He said himself in TLH- being the funny guy kept him safe most of the time. He didn’t feel he had much else to offer, and no one around him believed he did either, people only kept him around for jokes. I think what happened with Frank was like…his default setting. That sounds bad (and it is) but it really does need to be taken into consideration- we know Leo’s only been in, like, exclusively bad environments before the events of the series. Anyone who just kept him around for a laugh probably didn’t wanna hear knock knock jokes about engineers. His best bet for not getting in trouble or abandoned would be to rag on someone who was an easier target than him. Leo knows he can trust Jason and Piper, and he’s scared of Annabeth but is mostly sure she won’t kill him…but then he gets possessed and blows up half of New Rome. Everyone’s mad at him. Including the three new people he knows absolutely nothing about but all look like they could eat his tiny scrawny ass for a snack. I feel like it’s not a stretch to say he felt an old urge to protect himself kick in, to make sure he fits into this group because what the hell is he gonna do if he doesn’t? The fact that Frank was already annoyed with him for looking like Sammy didn’t exactly help their dynamic…Like, I’m just saying, I think he really stepped it up on the Frank jokes because of his ‘seventh wheel’ complex. He’s used to using comedy to make himself valuable to people. He knows he has to be on this quest no matter what, but that doesn’t mean people have to want him there, you know? He wants to be wanted. That’s Leo’s whole thing? He already built the entire boat but they’re mad at him for things out of his control. He feels like he’s gotta do something else to be relevant to the group so he just…slides into his old defense mechanism and as he’d be used to, it’s easiest to go for the easiest target. Who is Frank. And the whole weird Sammy and Hazel situation definitely exacerbated the whole thing. And it wasn’t fair to Frank, absolutely, which Leo himself eventually realizes and knocks it off. But I just think it’s not fair to say “Leo’s doing this because he’s a dick”. Like, people are often more complicated than that. 

As for the Calypso situation…Listen, I think Percy feeling guilt for Calypso still being on her island made no sense and someone needs to assure him that that’s not his fault. However, Calypso didn’t know that. Calypso didn’t have all the facts. She had every right to be upset with Percy. It was going to be awkward with Leo and Percy anyway, because like, oh hey dude while you were in hell I made out with your ex and she loves me now. But like…I don’t think it was wrong for Leo to be upset on Calypso’s behalf? The girl he’s crazy about is trapped on an island because Jackson couldn’t be bothered to check on her! (Which is of course NOT THE CASE but that’s Calypso’s view on the matter, that’s what she told Leo). I’m just saying like, he’s relatively new to relationships and he heard a biased explanation of the situation…It makes sense that he’d side with her? 

The thing we need to remember is…Leo and Calypso both have abandonment issues. And from Leo’s understanding, he’s sharing a boat with the guy that had Severely Hurt the girl he now loves. (And if she HADN’T been so hurt when they met, they might’ve had more time as a couple before he had to plunge back into the unknown) Looking at his actions and thoughts from an outside, biased viewpoint might make him look awful and crazy but…From his specific point of view, it makes sense. And Percy was able to see that, which is why they were able to talk it all out. I just think it’s a real shame that Leo Valdez is this complex, compelling character, but people only remember him for fighting with Frank and being crazy about Calypso. It’s reducing him. He had a lot more going on and was a very believable character with easily explainable traits and actions. 

Piper…Was one of Aphrodite’s best children, though? She had the most powerful charmspeak in generations. Like, that’s canon. Silena was a great character and a great cabin head, but she had no powers and was a relatively weak fighter. I love her as much as the next, but that’s just canonical fact. Her strongest asset was her heart and loyalty, which were used against her, and she died trying to make things right. She wouldn’t have made it on the Prophecy of the Seven quest. She wouldn’t. But Piper was a powerful charmspeak, was immensely brave, and constantly worked at being a better fighter (which, again, in canon, the Aphrodite kids are not the best fighters). By the time the series ends she’s a wickedly skilled swordsmen, is the only one who can work the cornucopia because of her inner strength and giving nature, has a dagger that can see the future, always knows how people around her are feeling, completely dominated a literal temple of fear and terror, and was powerful enough to order the literal planet earth to sleep. Piper is strong and brave and she’s constantly working on bettering herself. She was able to not only see the other side of Aphrodite, but to fight for it to be what everyone sees. She changes people’s perception of the cabin and the goddess herself. She did have a ‘not-like-other-girls’ complex when we first met her, but she was a bullied kid who grew up around rich white teens in Hollywood. But it’s a complex she catches in herself and grows out of- she stops trying to be #edgy and lets herself be comfortable in her skin, grows her hair out and wears a little makeup and puts thought into her outfits- but she also stops judging other people. She learns to see the beauty in everyone she meets. She redefines her outlook. That’s admirable, in my opinion. 

As for ‘obsessed with Jason’, I mean…it really just kinda reads, personally anyway, as “I’m A Teenage Girl And I Think My Significant Other Is Just The Coolest Thing Since Sliced Bread”…? Like? He’s her boyfriend, she’s fifteen. He’s cute and cool and a dork all at the same time. She goes from ‘mega crush heart eyes’ mode to actually falling in love with him, that’s not an obsession, that’s like…a natural progression of feelings. She’s always had her own storylines and she’s fully able to focus on things that aren’t Jason. But of course she thinks about him, he’s important to her? They’re a good match, they’re usually on similar wavelengths, and they work well together. She doesn’t think about him more than Annabeth and Percy think about each other. Piper shouldn’t be reduced to a fangirl just because she occasionally thinks to herself “Damn my boyfriend is hot”. She’s a very relatable and impressive character that deserves more than that. 

I really hope this doesn’t end up being like, a ramble, and that I actually properly articulated how I see the characters, but like…yeah. I do love this trio. 

[ganymedesclock]

Here are some initial impressions after watching the episode: "I drowned a lot of people" Wow is Lapis blase about human lives or what? I actually find myself disliking her more and more with her complete disregard. But then, I'm sure you have your thoughts on that.

My reactions are twofold:

First I’m interested that you interpret that as Lapis being completely uncaring on the subject because she says that while very determinedly avoiding Connie’s eye contact. For a while now, Lapis has been kind of at conflict with how powerful she is and how willing she is to use that, with her own tendency to go too far. That was quite evasive for Lapis. 

(also, to split hairs, “I almost drowned a lot of people”- one implies Lapis has a kill streak, the other doesn’t. That said, that ‘almost’ also doesn’t tell us for sure Lapis has never killed before- it’s noteworthy that she knows very effectively how to kill a human by cutting off oxygen- not something that works for Gems, nor would that be effective restraint for one.

Which suggests Lapis has developed specific lethal tactics for humans, which is.. interesting)

The bigger thing I have here is… the fact that Lapis is morally complex and kind of shady isn’t exactly news. At all. Heck, just consider the event that they’re both referencing here.

I feel like there’s something odd going on where the fandom has set up an image of Lapis who is perfectly justified and this sweet, tragic Disney Princess type, and that’s not bad, except it’s just not who she is. From the start Lapis has been fragile, bitter, troubled, complex; she’s easily one of the most aggressive members of the cast when she feels vindicated. At this point, she’s mostly trying to distance herself from her own vindictive side. But it’s very important for Lapis to be acknowledged, recognized and treated properly- she has some haughtiness to her.

Part of it is, the fandom has kind of an ongoing problem that I’ve seen where only the most recent thing the character did is given credence, and people ignore earlier characterization like none of it is meaningful except as a contrast.

We were never supposed to base our fondness on Lapis as a character on her being a total innocent sweetie pie. She never was that. I think the appeal of Lapis is this ancient, powerful, sealed being who is suddenly dropped in this sort of warm, slice-of-life series and is trying to adjust.

Is it particularly charming, or hilarious, to go “hey Lapis remember when you tried to murder me”? No, but it wasn’t supposed to be. Lapis didn’t find it comfortable in the slightest. And it’s rather rare to watch her squirm with guilt that way- compare that to her whole attitude towards the Crystal Gems in Ocean Gem. This is part of a learning process for Lapis- she’s kind of coming to grips with the fact that her own sense of restraint is not what she used to assume it was- and that’s a problem because when Lapis makes a decision, almost no one can stop her.

This is a thematic thread that ties Lapis and Rose and the Diamonds together, and I have my theories about why, but, with those aside: there’s a point where power and charisma reach excesses. There’s a point where you are literally influential enough to utterly derail someone’s life without even significant effort on your part.

There is not, however, a point where you are completely detached from the consequences of your actions. Rose, Lapis, and the Diamonds are all immensely powerful and influential figures who we all see struggling with some kind of powerlessness.

Rose felt that she could never change. Lapis felt trapped, and forced to watch helplessly while she lost almost everything. The Diamonds weren’t able to save one of their own, and thousands of years later, Blue is still mired in grief, and Yellow’s grand attempt to move on is something we’re only really exploring knowing that the Cluster is already neutralized- that her revenge is never going to happen.

The intersection of power and powerlessness is very interesting, and it’s something Crewniverse does a lot, in its playing with the mundane and fantastic and the relationships they have- especially the “reverse escapism”. The Crystal Gems are powerful magical warriors with a plethora of abilities. Their greatest enemies are grief, interpersonal struggles, and trying to be good parents. None of which are things you can rocket punch or laser spear into submission.

A lot of people have picked up the narrative of powerlessness that Lapis struggles with, but they don’t see the whole other element of that narrative that makes it both interesting and complicated: because Lapis is no damsel or victim, she’s very nearly a god. She is used to her voice, her name, moving mountains and shaking heaven and Earth, and does she ever have the power to back it up.

But the war was bigger than even her. The war tore her, and Homeworld apart, chewed her up and spat her back out again and not only does Lapis feel hurt and scared and all of those things? But she comes out of it bitter. This is not how this is supposed to be. She is not some weak, helpless thing.

Someone, somehow, will pay for this.

And Lapis carries that sense of vengeance until she gets it. Until she has Jasper utterly at her mercy. Until she ultimately realizes that everything she suffered is not something that she can take back by devastating force.

And now, in the aftermath, she’s realizing- and having her face repeatedly rubbed in- the damage she did, and the people she didn’t even think about hurting because all she thought about was the fact that someone was going to pay in blood for what she had suffered.

Because for all her haughtiness and vindictive edges, for all her pride and power- Lapis also believes that it’s the civic duty of any decent person to care for others. Lapis also didn’t want to disturb a single fish when she moved entire oceans.

It isn’t so simple as to call Lapis two-faced, or divided. Because both sides of her tangle together in very complicated knots.

Connie confronts her. Calls her on this.

And Lapis- who is devastatingly powerful, who makes things look hard basically just to show off- hesitates. She breaks eye contact. 

I think the fascinating thing about Lapis as a character is that conflict. It is what she’s willing to and has done clashing against the fact that Lapis really does believe in nurturing kindness and how someone so forceful can also be tentative, sheepish. And she stays likable to me- someone I’m willing to invest in and believe in, even though she definitely doesn’t have everything figured out at this point- because at her core, when Connie says “you almost drowned me”, Lapis’s response isn’t to leverage her pride or power, or pull out a bunch of justifications.

It’s turning her head away from an accusation she knows is right. It’s that show of guilt.

It shows us that Lapis is, if nothing else at this point, trying to be a better person than she was.